#i know you didnt include that last section in your ask but i had to address it anyway

[silvrash-797]

The light inside the bottle dimmed suddenly as a large hand wrapped itself around their prison. That was all the warning they received as the bottle was lifted swiftly into the air, pinning Four and Hyrule to each other at the bottom of the glass. Whoever was holding them stopped moving with a jerk; Four found himself weightless for a short eternity before gravity reclaimed its hold, slamming him back down onto the unforgiving floor.

Coughing breathlessly, Four picked himself up, checking himself and Hyrule for any new injuries. He scrambled to the side of the bottle, trying to see what was going on.

The only opening left him a good view of Boss Rulow's smug, malicious grin. Shouting finally echoed through the bottle, but he still couldn’t understand what was being said.

The sunlight returned as the hand disappeared; Four had one brief moment to appreciate the extra light before he processed what it meant.

Freefall.

No matter how many times he’d fallen or jumped from a high place, the weightlessness that tugged at his stomach never got more comfortable, and that was when he had a way to catch himself. Now, terror filled his tiny body as he fell – five and a half feet at Minish size might as well be miles – trapped and utterly helpless, unable to do anything to stop their descent.

He found his terror reflected back from Hyrule's eyes, and the two tiny heroes clasped hands, bracing for the impact that would almost certainly kill them.

how about this for the DvD commentary if you don;t mind, since it's so lovely and all

Ooohhh, I like this piece!

So first off, this chapter almost didn't exist. I put the boys through the horrors and made it to the art, then almost hit a wall. What happens after the art I wrote the fic for? How do I sew up the loose ends I still have? What loose ends do I still have? I went back to @hyah-lian 's original post and saw the note "help can't come fast enough," and figured I could run with that.

I've written Hyrule a few times, but this fic was my first true time writing with Four, and I learned he's stubborn, independent, resourceful, and caring to a fault (which, now that I write it out, isn't a bad description of his four Colors). I like the hc that Four can hear the Colors in his head, but I was trying to keep to Jojo's canon for this fic, so I couldn't use the Colors themselves to get inside his head. Fortunately we share analytical overthinking and observation skills, so it wasn't too hard 🫠

In this section, Four is worried. He doesn't like the lack of control, he doesn't like the unknown, and he hates being helpless. He's got a brother with major injuries, in an unknown and unprecedented situation, so he's running on hyperspeed, logging and observing way more than I actually wrote out.

I tried to put myself in his place for the first paragraph. We already know that the soldiers don't really care, that they don't consider comfort when interacting with these heroes. I figured the Boss just leaned over and snatched the bottle up from the stump it was resting on, and it ended up feeling to me like one of those Tower of Terror or Robo-Drop amusement park rides, so that's how I wrote it. Only here, they don't have the safety harnesses that keep you safe from the g-forces, so they get shaken around a bit.

He scrambled to the side of the bottle, trying to see what was going on. The only opening left him a good view of Boss Rulow's smug, malicious grin.

Here, Rulow's strategically holding the bottle so Four and Hyrule are hidden from Wars and Legend, and vice versa. He knows he has the "high ground," so to speak, all the cards. This doesn't make Legend very happy, as we kind of hear in the next sentence: Shouting finally echoed through the bottle, but he still couldn’t understand what was being said. I didn't stress the 'still' in the fic, but I almost did. It's driving Four crazy that he can't prepare for whatever comes next!

Which brings me to my favorite part of the chapter. Light (or the absence thereof) is a bit of a motif for this chapter, since it's really the only sense Four has available to get information from the outside. As such, when the drop begins (and before gravity takes hold), he's just happy to be able to see again.

Then he realizes what's happening and rightfully freaks out. In Minish Cap Ezlo acts as a sort of paraglider. Four also gets Roc's cape at some point. But he doesn't have access to either of those items right now, and they wouldn't work regardless with him stuck inside the bottle. He's tiny, helpless, and essentially falling from 22x his current height (if I did the math right, that's like us falling from the 13th story of a building). And even if his items or Rulie's wings did work, there's the shattering glass to take into account. As far as they are aware/concerned, this is the end for them.

Which makes the next sentences in the fic all the more jarring and effective:

The impact came. But it wasn’t hard, shattering, deadly. It was gentle, cushioned, safe.

Finally, help came. Finally, they can be free.

[floofeh-purpi]

Getting isekai'd?! (Part 2)

Sagau! Genshin Fatui x Gn! Reader (ft. Your bsf)

Warnings: Im too lazy to put anything here rn...

『Beloved fluffball/s mentioned below! 💜』

@justmare

◇

You can tell me if you wanna be tagged in the next part :)

Sidenote: Someone please teach me how links wpek in tumblr plesae 🤠

Part 1 here :>

★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

The harbingers we're having a meeting with, well, y'know... the usual and boring ass stuff with the Tsaritsa. That is until they were interrupted by a group of fatui agents, who panted as they almost unintentionally broke the door.

"P-pardon us for the interruption. Y-your Majesty." A female agent stammered out. "B-but this is... urgent."

*Insert them telling their surperiors that they spotted someone (you ofc) that looked like their Grace and that the person was with another person and a wolf-looking creature (they dont know its your dog ok 😭🤚) *

"Someone that looks like... Our Grace? Are you certain?"

"Yes. Your Majesty."

★

"The jacket's nice..." You awkwardly said out of the blue as d/n happily walked around the snowy terrain, his/her paws making a faint yet satistfying crunch on the snow as he/she walked, with a leash much to the poor doggo's dismay (cus bro this huge baby loves running around without a leash)

"Awh, thanks n/n (nickname)" Your bsf answered in a sing-song tone.

"Remember the time we met bro?" (You call your bsf bro regardless of their gender, they dont mind lol)

"Yeh, lol."

♤ (story of when you guys met cus idk what to put here)

You guys met in around 1st year high school when your teacher said that their is an art competition coming up and everyone is to be partnered up with another student in a different section.

Oh, how faith was feeling generous that day, by making the teacher partner you with y/b/f/n... Though, you had to admit, it was kinda awkward at first...

"Yo."

"Yo."

"So like, whats your name bro? You seem cool."

"Name's y/n."

"Ohmigash nice name. My name's y/b/f/n, wanna be friends?"

"Sure brooo"

Just as when as your new friend tried to extend their arm for a handshake, they may have accidentally spilt some paint with their arm. Oops.

"Oh shitttt..." You cursed in your head.

"Oh nah, we is cooked. 😢"

Yeah yall got a not-so-fun scolding for 2 hours by the trainer.

♤ (end of story lmao)

"Yo, I think d/n is thirsty rn..." Your friend pointed at the panting husky. Poor cutie patootie. You thought before you realizing you didnt bring water with you. "Ah damn, I didnt bring water, we gotta go back now. Sorry bud." You apologized to d/n who was still panting. Give him/her water you little shi-

★

After you guys FINALLY arrived back to your home, you immediatly opened the door and got some water for d/n.

"There y'go, you cutie patootie of a dog." You cooed as you petted d/n, who was drinking water happily.

★

"Where is this... person, you say?" The Captain crossed his arms.

"We last spotted them near a house, sir. They were with someone else and a creature that appeared to be a wolf of sorts."

"Hm~? A house~?" Columbina asked in her soft, sing-song voice.

"Yes mam."

After that the Tsaritsa ordered everyone, the harbingers included (for you simps), to go to this house and see if its actually their creator or nah.

The end.

Sike bitch.

D/n fell asleep on his/her bed. Bruh.

You guys sat down on the couch, an awkward silence could be felt between you, Though it was cutted off by a knock on your door.

"Ima go get it."

"Bruh sure, ima head into my room if you need me." You gave y/b/f/n a thumbs up before going up the stairs. Unaware of the big surprise thats coming to you. Both of you.

☆

Posted: June 28, 2024. 11:48am.

【Part 3】

[averysmolkirbo]

PEOPLE SEEM TO THINK SO

ive lost ENTIRE friendships over this kind of thing. how am i supposed to know when you want to bw comforted by a lie?? its worse when you say "be honest" and get mad. Like no. you dont get to do that.

also this has not only lost me friends but has actually cost me ACADEMICALLY.

basically the thing was we had to do a presentation on a bunch of music artists (including one my teacher said was her favorite) and whilst doing research on said favorite i found that they really werent the best person (their wikipedia had a whole separate controversies section) and because it was factual information that i thought was important i put it in my presentation.

i get my grade back and its fine, but im going over what i got wrong and she took points off for the part where i reported less than favorable things on her favorite artist, with a snide comment like "you need to be more careful about what you're claiming against people" despite the fact that these weren't even new allegations, or allegations at all. It was factual info. IT WAS ADMITTED BY THE ARTIST THEMSELF. IT TOOK ME ALL OF 15 SECONDS TO FIND A CREDIBLE SOURCE ON IT. FUCK YOU MEAN "BE CAREFUL WHEN CLAIMING" I AINT ""CLAIMING"" SHIT, IM TELLING YOU FACTS. IT WASNT IN THE RUBRIC THAT WE HAD TO LIE ABOUT IT.

she totally just got mad at me for finding (very surface level, mind you, i'm no fbi agent) dirt on her favorite so she couldnt have a clear conscience about liking them. Similar thing happened to an artist she didnt really like, didnt bat an eyelash. biased bitch.

Also the way she made it sound was like we were personally gonna show it to the artist themselves, or put it in some highly published journal or something. no!! she was literally the only person who would be seeing this. this random artist isnt gonna have their feelings hurt if thats what youre so worried about.

also i think she already hated me for some reason and probably just did that because she hated me. and i have no idea why she even hated me. I did my work. I was nice to HER. I wasnt disruptive. she just hated my undiagnosed autistic vibe or some shit.

and on a side tangent on her, because it was a french class the class had the opportunity to go on a trip and it was (for the most part) great but near the end of the trip she was like super shady and started shit-talking MY MOTHER behind her back, FOR HELPING SOMEONE. And she really thought she was fucking slick bitching about her to our innocent guide in french, thinking she'd have no clue she talking about her. The only problem with that is my mom just so happens to have her bachelor's with a MAJOR IN FRENCH. she used to be a highschool french teacher, just like her. She understood everything they said. When she told me about it i was so pissed i very nearly went up to her face and asked her what her fucking problem was.

like you're not only deciding to say this at all, but you're doing it someone else, behind her back, and in a different language because you know you're being a bitch.

so glad that was one of the last times i ever had to deal with her because couldnt stand her after that. good fucking riddance.

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

[metalgonemeta]

MAJORLY LONG POST IM SO SORRY

This whole post is a comparison of Isane-the-shiny, aka my older version of this blog, to its resurrection MetalGoneMeta

First things first, im sending development for this blog into motion. And although everyone who saw and i interacted with under the Isane-the-shiny/-and-muses usernames are now 2 years+ inactive and/or archived, i feel its best to put up the similarities and differences between then and now both for their sake should it be of interest as well as to give myself a blueprint for resurrecting under Metalgonemeta.

Isane-the-Shiny/-and-muses (2018?)

ItS was a Non-Selective, Independent, Pokémon/Metang OC Roleplaying blog

While I ran ItS (and later IaM) I was very VERY new to Tumblr RP and didnt know what anything meant besides a blog being Selective or not. And if you even had Semi-Selective in your bio, I posted the Same. Damn. CopyNPaste Ask of basically:

THIS GD ASK HAS PLAGUED MANY A USERS INBOX, and yknow how i said i didnt know the terminology of RPBlogs? That included those who had “Mutuals Only” as a rule of their blog.

To those whos blogs i did invade, I do apologize. I will say that i have improved since then.

(Also SHOUTOUT TO THOSE WHO ACTUALLY RESPONDED DESPITE THEIR OWN RULES /pos Istg i look back on this Invading copy and paste ask with HEAVY cringe, but I also remember feeling so ballistically happy seeing the “X answered your ask” notification. I hope all is well for you ^^)

Back to this list of how things were, pretty much said above but to put it shorter and more organized, Back when i ran IsT/IaM i was very Invasive and i was unaware of boundaries. And this was mostly due to it being back when i was about 14-15. (Im an Adult now dw ^^”)

Lastly and pretty much the only last changes and differences… Isane, the Metang OC of this blog, Is getting a name change and Overhaul. This is primarily for finding purposes ig? Basically, There is a character from a different fandom i follow, Bleach, with a character of the same name. (If anything i legit just stole the name cuz i liked Isane lmao). I do not have a new name decided *yet, but am actively searching so i can get it set in stone for the blog. And in terms of the actual overhaul, im going to look into updating, aka giving, her lore as well as (likely the only thing anyone i interacted with gave a shit about if at all) a redesign. Whether im going to turn her into a default blue and silver metang, or my Orrian Metang design is also still to be decided (you can find said design here )

Metalgonemeta (2023 onward)

Now all the big stuff i will admit is under the previous section by accident and ive noticed this post is getting pretty lengthy so ill try to keep this section short and to the point.

MGM is likely going to be identical to ItS in the fact it will still be an Indie NonSelective Blog. Though if i wanted to label every applicable term i found to give a better idea of what itll be: Indie, Pokemon/Metang OC, Based on Canon events that happened in both the mainline pokemon games as well as Pokemon Colosseum/GoD:XD, though will likely focus mainly on Unova B2W2* in writings.

Now i will say, factually in my stance, i should NOT go around peoples inboxes all wild andlikely childish. Even if i didnt make the other person uncomfortable, there were cases where i did make some uncomfortable… likely those who had stated mutuals only and yet here i was, a complete stranger banging on the ask box. Im probably going to just stick with those who interact with me first because of this and keep me going into inboxes at a minimal (i.e posted staters, prompts, etc.)

Kinda to keep parallel with the previous section, in terms of age rating im thinking ill have this blog be 18+. Not because of any mature material (if anything this blogs gonna be pretty sfw since its a gd METANG) but to avoid any uncomfortable complications regarding me, an 18y/o adult interacting with teens/minors of any age tumblr allows (I dont know what to even think of this cuz i just turned 18 not too long ago so from what ive heard i shouldnt have to worry about this type of stuff in the way say a 24y/o should), im just deciding in the hopes to just avoid any complications just keep the 18y/o me in the 18+ audience.

And that about wraps up all there is in terms of blog comparisons.. this was mostly focused on the blog technichalities and i will look into setting up a accessable Rules and About page when i get everything set up and can move onto a theme.

Im sorry this was so long but i felt it was best to post this now while everything i want to do is still fresh in my mind.

Thank you for reading through,

—Tamer

[lex-drinks-blood]

So... Maybe You're Bi?

Steve Harrington x Male Reader: obligatory "helping steve find himself" oneshot, AU where you both work at the video store together with rob, Steve also may or may not know he likes you before making this discovery...👀

Warnings: none?

Notes: I'm not in the mood to proofread this so I'm sorry for that but... here!

The tall male beside you pressed his hands to his temples and breathed a labored sigh.

"I'm just saying Harrington, maybe these supposed "babes and non-babes" are all babes!" you nudged his side with your elbow, which he did not seem to appreciate.

He took another deep breath, contemplating the former relationships he had with his close male friends and the thoughts that clouded his mind in the locker rooms at practice, he hated to admit that it seemed like maybe it was all adding up.

"Alright bozos," Robin interrupted, "as much as I'm sure I'd love to be included in whatever torture we are putting Steve through today, we have a whole stack of new shit to put out and I am not doing that by myself again!" as she spoke she wheeled over a cart full of new releases that needed to be priced and placed into their correct sections.

As much as no one in Home Video liked dealing with new releases, staring at the heap of tapes gave you an idea, "Hey Rob, you think you can keep up front running by yourself?"

"If you are even minutely implying that you and Steve are going to tackle these babies and leave me to run this peice-of-shit, cash-wrap, than I am absolutely capable Sir L/N," Robin bowed sarcastically as she concluded her strange response, but it meant your plan would go accordingly so you didnt take much time to ponder on it

"Thanks Buckley!" you planted a quick peck on her cheek that she quickly wiped off with her vest once you were out of sight, before tugging Steve away by his vest to the back to label tapes and unpack whatever was going on in that mess of a Harrington brain.

An agonizing 5 whole minutes passed in silence as the two of you quietly placed stickers on the tapes before placing them back on the cart and picking up a new one to repeat the process.

"Look, I don't want to force you to talk about this yknow? Especially cause yknow, I'm not the best with feelings and shit just cause I like dick but-"

Steve looked up from his tape, almost dropping it as the words left your mouth, "Waitwait, so you like guys?"

You looked at him inquisitively for a moment before going back to stickering tapes and speaking again, "Stevie, you are totally oblivious aren't you?" you chuckled to yourself.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing really, I think I just kind of assume everyone knows by now I guess. But to answer your question yes, I like guys. To put it your way, 'babes and non-babes alike'," this time you let yourself have a full, good laugh.

Steve followed suit and seemed to chuckled as well, seemingly relieved that the tension of the conversation had been broken up a bit.

He spoke up as he placed his tape back in the cart and rose to his feet, "I think that's the last one to label Y/N, wanna go set these out?"

You stayed sitting, leaving an uncomfortable space and height difference between the two of you that neither of you were used to, "Can I just ask you one... tiny, little, uncomfy question first, Harrington?"

Steve's body tensed a bit but he tried to act nonchalant, "Sure, today seems to be that kinda day already so, why not?"

"You sure?"

He was getting uncomfortable in his own skin now, being given more time to think about the space between you and how much he wanted to be close to you, how much he yearned to fill the space, how much he struggled to pull himself back to reality, "Yea man, go for it."

"Did you really never know? I mean, that I like dudes?"

Steve was frustrated that this was the question that you built up so much. Maybe he should have known sooner, but was it really such a huge deal? He fought to collect himself and managed to give a calmer response, "I mean, No. I just never thought about it I guess, yknow? Does that bother you?"

"I just- um. Well..." you struggled to find your footing in the words you wanted to say, so you settled on just blurting it out, giving up all elegance and grace, "I had a huge crush on you," your eyes stayed glued to the floor, waiting for his reaction.

Steve felt his heart melt. The boy he had been hiding his feelings from this whole time had actually liked him? Unbelievable.

He found himself approaching you slowly, like a scared animal he had found in an alley, "Y/N?"

You felt your leg start anxiously bouncing out of your control, but you decided to look up at him anyway, "Yea, Steve?"

"I'm gonna ask you to do something and I just need you to trust me ok? Is that ok?" You could see the subtle shake in his hands, hear the tremble in his voice, he was anxious in a way you'd never seen before and you had no idea what to expect.

"Okay. I trust you," and with that, your eyelids met and you were left in darkness to wonder what in God's name was going on.

You felt a gently trembling hand meet your cheek and before you could even think about what it meant for Steve to be cupping you like this, you felt his lips gently meet your own.

The kiss was nothing like you had expected from former King of Hawkins High. It was soft and gentle, the slightly chapped pillows of his lips were sweet on your tongue. He cupped his hand on your cheek and snaked his other around your waist and held you like you were fragile, like he was scared he could break you if he wasn't careful. And just as suddenly as it had started, it was over. His lips parted from yours and his hand slithered away from your waist, but his other remained on your cheek.

"I um... I'm sorry, I hope that was ok," he stammered, "You can open your eyes now."

When your eyelids separated from each other you realized that Steve was barely a couple inches away from your face, and his warm hand was still on your cheek, "That was more than okay, Harrington," you leaned in to place a quick kiss on his lips, showing him that you still wanted him with your eyes open.

"Cool... good to know," he sighed, this time relieved as he brushed his thumb over your cheek before readjusting his perfect hair.

You chuckled to yourself as he turned back to the cart and moved to the Documentary section, "Hey, wait up!"

"Well I wasn't planning on doing this by myself," he chuckled as you speedily walked to catch up to him.

"Hey, Harrington?" you whispered, almost like you were playing spies.

"Hey, what?" he whispered back, playing along as he placed the movies in alphabetical order.

"So... maybe you're bi?" you whispered, following suit in placing movies where they belonged.

"Yea probably," he paused for a beat, "I definetly like you though," he shot you a cocky smirk as he concluded.

"Yea yea whatever," you rolled your eyes, placing more movies in their rightful homes, "How is it that King Steve always gets what he wants?" you asked sarcastically.

He played coy, snaking behind you to place a movie just above your head as he placed a kiss to your neck, "I'm told I'm rather persuasive."

Robin walked to the back in hopes of letting you know is was closing time but had instead found the scene in front of her, "Oh jesus guys, get a room! You know Keith has cameras in here right!! Good god, I don't even get paid for this!"

"Oh shush Rob, just be glad he actually admitted it," you giggled from under Steve's arm as the three of you walked to clock-out.

Steve stopped in his tracks, "She knew before I did?!"

"Stevie... baby... we all did," you chuckled.

[smolla-than-a-bug]

dilf shinichiro

shinichiro as a dad

sano shinichiro x reader

based in the wait for me universe !

[ navi | tokrev m.list | wait for me ]

content — fem!reader, wfm!shin, wfm!nina, dorky shin, includes a dad shin section, dilf shin section (nsfw), and a bonus section about the black dragons as uncles just because

notes — took some time to respond to this ask but,, i know u didnt intend for this response but sending me “dilf shinichiro” holds a helluva lot of power this hc list is like rlly long 😟 ALSO AFTER TR 230 IM FALLING IN LOVE W SHIN ALL OVER AGAIN

dad!shin

let’s start this off by saying i saw someone in the notes of wfm say that Shin would be such a dorky dad

i completely agree. 100% accurate. he would be THE dorkiest dad !

he makes the dad-est dad jokes this is a simple fact

when Nina was younger and he had to be the one to give her a bath, they would usually sing in the shower together

like they would do duets to whatever song was on the radio, making up random lyrics when they’re unfamiliar with the song

but sometimes when the shampoo is dripping and Nina's getting too carried away, Shin would just:

"singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. then it's a soap opera."

and younger Nina would laugh so hard despite not really understanding it

all she knew at that age was that her dad meant for it to be funny and therefore it is funny

the more she grows though, the more she realizes the corniness of Shin's jokes 😭

she's kinda getting sick of them but they make her dad happy so she tries not to show her growing distaste too much

unbeknownst to her, Shin already knows she's getting sick of them and it weirdly makes him wanna say more dad jokes

he finds her reactions so funny

she would try to smile at his crappy jokes but she ends up looking constipated

then when she thinks Shin isn't looking, she turns around and makes the most exasperated expression

he can tell she doesn't wanna offend him by saying his jokes suck and he knows they do but that's part of the humor

he's never gonna stop saying dad jokes as long as they get any reaction out of his little girl, it's quite hilarious

cried on Nina's first day of preschool

when he dropped her off, he was so excited for her but she didn't wanna let go because new places and new faces are scary

then when he crouched down to talk to her like "this is gonna be your new school, angel! you're gonna have so much fun, make so many friends, and forget all about daddy!"

cue he realizes that last part and takes it to heart a bit too much

and what really does it for him is when Nina goes "but i don't wanna forget about daddy!" and starts crying because she really doesn't wanna go to school if it means being away from her dad

he starts crying and now they're both crying and all the teachers and other parents are like half moved but half concerned

calls Nina his little girl, his angel, his princess, his gumdrop, his muffin, jellybean idk the list keeps going

like he could find something, anything cute and attribute it to Nina

he took Nina to a zoo once, found an otter cute, and called Nina a little otter

when they're in the car, he always gives Nina music privileges

he only got the car when he had Nina because as much as it pains him to not be able to use his bike so often anymore, it isn’t the safest mode of transportation when you’ve got kids

he doesn't really mind what artists she plays either

big time rush? sure. the jonas brothers? Shin's favorite was Nick. Nina's starting her kpop phase? he's already thinking of the photocards to gift her on her birthday.

he tries to learn the songs too so that they can jam together during car rides, especially if it's a long trip

he’s such a supportive and active father as well, he’s used to having to fill in for both parental roles for most of Nina’s life

definitely cries at every recognition day/graduation day/awarding ceremony

whether it be for school or any extracurricular Nina got into

or tbh any of her hobbies that she’s excited to share with her dad

like, it could be a drawing and Shin would be close to tears with how much she’s getting into another hobby

Nina got into ballet at a young age because she watched Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses and wanted to be like them

Shin’s been there to witness her whole journey, from the first time she entered the academy to the first breakdown she’s had because of the sport to the first recital,, until present day

he has photos hung up at home/in a photo album to document everything

he may have been clueless and inexperienced as the guardian of a ballet dancer at first but he’s learned so much over the years and he’s so proud

there are times where he feels helpless when he gets short on income at times but he refuses to tell Nina anything

it’s not her problem, it isn’t something she needs to worry about

after all, when he looks at Nina and how invested she is in the things she wants to do, he knows he’d do anything to support her in any way he can

he’s seen everything she’s been through and he’s so proud of how much she’s grown and improved both in skill and as a person

he tears up just thinking about it

definitely cries whenever he looks through the photo album to put in an additional photo when there’s another recital

when Nina needs a dance partner, he takes it completely seriously to fill in the spot for her to practice

Nina knows her dad absolutely cannot dance but she appreciates his effort and loves him even more for trying

sometimes they do get into disagreements but Shin refuses to let it escalate

he can’t go to bed without resolving the conflict either, refuses to end the day on a bad note for either of them

he’d rather talk to his daughter because he knows that she has her own perspective/experience than him and would want to understand her rather than alienate her

the last thing he wants is for his daughter to slowly become a stranger

they’ve really only ever had each other until you came along and their bond is so endearing to witness

dilf!shin, suggestive/nsfw themes

fast forward to when you met shinichiro

you’ll never admit it but knowing that he’s so good with kids was soooo attractive, even when you refused to acknowledge that you were attracted to him

now that you’re together though, you like to observe him interact with Nina

he’s just that good at responding to her—he doesn’t merely deal with her, he takes the time to exchange and understand in order to be able to give the best response that both considers and works for everyone involved

he’s just such a skilled father, not to mention his skills in the household

the domesticity he radiates is,,,, 🥵

some days, watching him move about the house setting things in their place in such a natural manner makes you all soft thinking about having started a life with him

but other days, it just gets you thinking about having his kids, giving Nina a younger sibling that you’re sure she’ll love with all her heart

and raising them alongside Shin is the best and only scenario there is for you

watching his lean muscles flex when he tries dancing with Nina 💯

watching him roll up the sleeves of his loose long sleeved lounge shirt when he’s cooking on the stove 💯💯

when he sighs in relaxation after a long day and Nina’s asleep 💯💯💯

THE LOOK HE GIVES YOU WHEN HE REALIZES IT’S JUST YOU AND HIM NOW 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫

he makes it a habit to kiss you so heatedly, so passionately once Nina isn’t around to see

you can practically feel everything he’s been holding back on since the start of the day

he loves his daughter, don’t get him wrong, but goddamn parenting is fucking hard

and he gets to relax and wind down, if you will, when he’s alone with you

and you’re more than happy to take care of your loving, hardworking man how ever it is he desires 🤫

a lot of the time, you’re both tired and just get into the bath together

nothing sexual, just a romantic and relaxing bath where you can both massage each other’s shoulders

but otherwise, i think ya’ll know where this is going

he likes to take care of you, mostly

he likes to make your pleasure a priority, and he takes it seriously, like a man starved

but if you rile him up enough, he’ll end up rutting into you desperately like a horny virgin

usually, whispering scenarios of him fucking you around the house works well enough to get him like this

especially the image of bending you over the kitchen counter while he pounds you from behind while Nina’s in school or even now since she’s asleep

it’s too risky to actually do it though, and Shin wouldn’t dare actually try it out of fear of being caught

he likes to think he’s a responsible father and most of all doesn’t want to scar Nina

but the image of it while he’s fucking into you in the bedroom or bathroom is enough for him to go wild

when Nina’s in the house, regardless of whether or not she’s awake, you both make it a point to keep quiet

and somehow, it adds to the thrill

it becomes a game to you both, maxing out each other’s pleasure but also having to restrain yourselves from being loud

on less freaky days though, which is most of the time, Shin prefers intimacy

romantic sex >>>>

he’s kind of traumatized from how Nina’s biological mother left and he doesn’t really like feeling used

he’d much rather feel the connection between your souls exchanged through your bodies and you’re more than happy to oblige

you just want to make him feel the way he makes you feel

you want to overwhelm him, overstimulate his brain with your love

i’ll leave it up to your imagination how you want to make that happen 😘

bonus: black dragons as uncles

Nina is so loved by her uncles

they all spoil her so much and they’re all so proud of Shin for raising her because she’s absolutely perfect

uncle Omi is Nina’s godfather and he’s the type to spoil her with so many gifts

whether it be toys or clothes or books or literally Nina’s entire wishlist for her birthday/gift-giving holidays

you name it, he’ll buy it without hesitation

Shin has to constantly remind him not to spoil her too much

uncle Omi also likes to let Nina spend time with Senju for a little girl time when she comes over, especially before they met you

Nina essentially sees Senju as her cool older sister and looks up to her a lot

one of Nina’s love languages is unconsciously mirroring you whether it be your words or personality or interests

that said, Nina gets her sense of fashion from her older sister figure Senju

uncle Waka is the most laid back uncle she has

he literally lets her do anything

it’s chaos when he’s the one babysitting her

they’re like best friends, w chaotic dynamic duo

don’t be surprised to find your kitchen trashed or something on fire when Waka’s in charge of looking after her

they get into all sorts of mischief together too

their favorite activity is pranking Shin

and then leaving him to clean up the mess they make

Waka just laughs but Nina feels guilty seeing her dad on cleanup duty all by himself so she ends up helping him out

despite Waka being insistent on just letting Nina have her fun and letting the grownups handle everything that follows, he’s proud of the fact that Nina has such an empathetic consciousness

he still doesn’t help with cleanup tho

and he’s usually already planning what chaos to bring next, who to prank next (usually Benkei)

uncle Benkei/uncle Ben/uncle BK is the one Shin trusts the most with babysitting

he’s very firm with Nina’s disciplining—a big contrast to how Waka deals with things

but it’s only because he doesn’t want her to think that actions don’t have consequences

he does teach her self-defense tho

he and Waka let her tag along to Waka’s gym at times

and Benkei’s the one who teaches her the basics of self-defense, like the correct fighting stance, how to dodge, and where to hit your opponent’s weak points

he makes it a point to teach her how to deal with people who are bigger and stronger than her

after every training session, he carries her back home on his shoulders so she doesn’t need to walk and further exhaust herself

plus she loves the view from up there and the fact that she feels so strong, just like her big uncle BK

she refuses to call him uncle Ben after watching Spiderman

all three uncles tend to scare off boys

if they so much as spot a little boy the same age as their precious Nina, they’re already giving him a nasty glare in warning

it ends up with the boy crying and scrambling away to their parents because they’re literally in elementary school

but all the uncles are like 😌 no dating for Nina until she’s 30

Shin just rolls his eyes at them, knowing that they only do it because they’re protective of their niece

he knows they wouldn’t hesitate to kill if anything happens to Nina, which kind of worries him

but at least he knows they love her almost as much as he loves his daughter <3

all rights reserved © smolla-than-a-bug, 2021. please do not copy or repost my works. reblogs/feedback/comments are appreciated!

tokyo revengers taglist — @victoirey @crapimahuman @eriskaitto @sunhee-sun

[theosmommy1966]

Draco Malfoy X Reader

Pansy and Ginny sat across from you in the small coffee shop around the corner from WWW. Pansy had the day off from helping Fred at the shop, and Ginny was off for a few months, the quidditch season being over. It was beyond nice to get to meet up with your two best friends at once. But they kept asking you over and over what was wrong, and finally you answered.

“I think Draco might be cheating on me..”

Neither woman was expecting that. You and Draco had been together since you were 14 and he was 16. You were endgame in everyone's mind. But recently, he had stopped coming home at night. Found reasons that he needed to ‘go back to the office’ or ‘go out of town for business.’

You knew it had to be something, because before this he had always begged you to come on his trips. Swearing that he couldn't sleep when he was in bed alone. So the only solution had to be that he wasn't sleeping in bed alone, but you were.

“Y/n.. Are you sure? Do you know who??” Ginny asked, reaching across the table to grab your hand. “I'll put a bludger right through both of em.” She tried to joke but knew it wouldn't help, she could see how tired you were by your face.

You sighed and nodded looking anywhere but at them. You didn't want to see their pity, “I'm pretty sure. He wont let me come on trips anymore, he barely touches me and when he does he seems like he isn't there with me. Makes me feel dirty thinking that he is thinking of someone else while we are intimate..”

Pansy shook her head, when Blaise had told her that Daphne had told him that Astoria was starting as Draco's assistant at work she knew she would do this. She just didnt think Draco was stupid enough to fall into whatever trap Astoria had set. She had been chasing him for years with no success, so why now?

“Y/n, did Malfoy ever tell you that Greengrass started as his assistant a few months ago?” Pansy asked, interrupting whatever Ginny was saying. She could tell by your face the answer was no, but you shook your head anyways. “He promised me he would tell you..”

Your chest ached as you lined the roundabout dates up. Right around the time she started was when Draco started to pull away. You didn't know how to handle this information, or how to feel. But you put on a fake smile and made it the rest of the way through coffee before heading home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Darling, I have to go to-” Dracos excited voice was cut off by your own cold one. “Maldives, yes I saw the tickets. Have fun, your bags are already packed.” You continued to fold the batter for the chocolate cake you were making. It was your favorite, and you had bought all the ingredients to make it for this weekend.

It was your and Dracos anniversary.

At first, when you found the tickets you thought maybe he was taking you back. Since your honeymoon had been in Maldives. But as the week went on you realized there were two tickets, and you had not been informed. It was clear that you were not going.

While it stung, it gave you the small push you needed to look at the jobs section of the paper. Noticing that there was a Reserve in Romania that was looking for a healer. All expenses included, starting right away, and the best part was.. It was far away.

Tonight was the last night you would be spending with Draco Malfoy.

“Would you like to spend the night together before you go?” You asked hoping he would say no, but you didn't want to give up that you were leaving. Didn't want the fight you knew would come with it. But unfortunately that would happen anyways.

Draco smirked at you but seemed hesitant almost like he was worried, but he pulled the bowl out of your hands and turning you around. His lips found yours as he started pulling you toward your bedroom. He quickly stripped you both before sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked up at you, directly in the eyes and it felt like you were teens again.

Back when he had been excited to be with you. When you couldn't keep your hands off each other. When you were in love with each other, and while you were just now falling out of love with him. It was clear that he had fallen out a long time ago.

You knew you needed to be careful, not to slip up and tell him you were leaving. It can't happen now. You feel his hesitation against your lips so you open yours and run your tongue across his bottom lip willing him to relax.

You just wanted to feel close to him one for time moving to his lap, you kiss down his neck, across his chest. You can feel him hardening under you, you can hear his breath picking up.

Seeing him relax slightly you lean in and kiss just under his ear on his neck and his hands fly to your hips. You know him better than you know yourself. "I need you" you whisper a lie against his skin and that's all it takes.

You run your fingers into his hair and pull gently. Much too gently for his liking and you both know it. He leans down and kisses you holding himself up with one hand, pushing his other hand under your back digging his nails in slightly.

Goosebumps cover your skin the second he touches you, you can feel his smile against your lips. You gasp as his cool hand comes into contact with your breast, gently tugging and pinching your nipple.

You pull his hair a little harder with one hand and move the other down his chest towards his cock as he laughs “Wasting no time I see. Are you needy baby?” he chuckles against your lips. He pulls his lips from yours before traveling down your body.

You feel his cool lips on your chest and stomach, his fingers dig into your thighs parting them. He slides one cool finger threw your wetness and you moan. Kissing your thigh he chuckles again “All these years” kissing your thigh lower "and your still always ready for me" you feel his cold breath before his tongue.

‘Its not hard when you barely touch me anymore’ You thought as you tried to enjoy the last night you would be spending with him. Part of you wanted to fight it out, stay and make things work but you were already beyond miserable.

Arching off the bed he spreads his hands across your stomach and holds you down. You love how his hands feel on you. How his tongue feels circling your clit. After all these years, how can someone still bring you such intense pleasure?

“Draco..” You moaned out as the knots in your stomach build, your legs trembling. You look down at him and lock gazes. Looking into his eyes is all it takes to throw you over the edge.

He sat up quickly, pushing your knees apart and pushing himself into you without question. No time for adjustment, no time for waiting before he's pounding into you. This time you could tell he was more worried about his pleasure than your own. Because it was kind of painful, just as you wanted to tell him to slow down he moaned out something that cemented your plan in your head..

“Merlin Asto..” His face looked panicked as he realized what he was about to say. But you just bit your lip and kept your eyes closed, allowing him to use you through your pain. Because the emotional pain you felt was far worse than the physical.

~~~~~

Draco thankfully left early the next morning, leaving you to wake up alone again. But this time you were resigned to it, so you got up and started your day. It started with sending a patronus off to your older brother, and a cup of coffee one of the house elves made for you.

You were just starting to go through your closet, when you heard your brother's voice shouting from the hallway. “In here!” You yelled back before looking down at the small pile of jeans and normal shirts you owned. But all the same you picked it up and walked it to the bed, setting it beside the even smaller pile of normal shoes you owned.

“Little star.. What's going on?” Theodore asked, huffing out of breath from apperating and running. He was worried, he had never received a patronus from you before. He looked between you, and the pile of things on the bed then back at you. “Are you going somewhere? Dracos on a business trip.. Do you need me to go with you?” He asked in a rush, still slightly panicked.

You chuckled softly, before waving your wand and producing your luggage case. As you moved around the room packing the things you felt you needed to take with you, you tried to figure out how to tell Teddy. But eventually just figured it was best to come out with it.

“Dracos not on a business trip. He's in Maldives with Astoria. He's been sleeping with her for a while now, going away with her on trips. But to answer your question, yes, I am going away. I took a job in Romania and I'm leaving Draco.”

Theodore felt like he had been slapped in the face.

That was too much information all at once, he didnt know which part to focus on first. The part where his little sister was hurting. The part where she was leaving or the part where one of his best friends had betrayed him. But his sister broke all of his thoughts with one word.

“Today.”

Theo shook his head, “Today what.”

You smiled before walking over to him and grabbing one of his hands, “I'm leaving today Teddy. But I promise you can visit whenever you want, it was one of the stipulations. I'm getting my own cabin, it will always have an extra room set up for you. And Ginnys older brother Charlie works there, so he promised her to help me settle in. He will watch over me too.”

“We will always be under the same stars and that's what's important right? When you miss me, you can send an owl or we could buy those two way mirrors. You can come see me whenever you want.”

Theodores eyes filled with tears.

Tears of sadness, knowing his baby sister was leaving even if she was right. It wouldn't be the same as them being in the same city. They wouldn't accidentally run into each other at the market. She would be busy working now and not be free to have coffee or lunch whenever he was having a bad day.

Next was tears of anger. An anger that made him want to track Malfoy down and strangle him. Bash his head into a few things. He had been hesitant about letting you date him in the first place for this exact reason. But when your father started pushing for it, there was nothing he could do but promise to punch Draco if he hurt you.

“Can we have lunch together? I need to shop for some working clothes and some shoes, maybe those boots you used to wear in school?” You asked hopefully as you watched your brother's heart break. You knew this was hard for him. You didn't remember your mother, but he did. He remembered the songs she used to sing the two of you. Remembered playing with her before she got sick. Remembered watching her die.

Theodore had always been extremely protective of you, because he had promised your mother that he would take care of you. He got into so many fights when you came to Hogwarts when you came of age. Scaring off boys, hitting those who made vulgar comments about you. Begging his female friends to threaten the girls who talked about you behind your back.

You always smiled and thanked them. Being in Ravenclaw instead of Slytherin made a large difference in how you handled situations. Theodore flew off the handle, speaking with harsh words and hard hits. While you thought logically, found a solution and put a plan into motion.

Theodore kissed your forehead and nodded, “Yeah.. Let's go get you some..” He laughed before shrugging “Whatever you really need, you can tell me about this new job.”

~~~~~~

Draco spent the weekend not thinking about anything besides the woman beside him. The woman who wasn't his wife. The one who was his assistant, someone who had been obsessed with him since their third year. Something had clicked when he almost called you his mistress' name.

It was like all he could see this weekend was her flaws. The scar she had above her lip. One eye was slightly bigger than the other. She would chew on her nails, the ones she had begged him to pay for. Her clothes were wrinkled and her perfume was sprayed on too strongly.

Then came the realization, the last day they were on the island. He had planned the entire day, snorkeling, diving and a spa trip followed by a private dinner at Ithaa Undersea Restaurant. But Astoria scoffed and said “Do I look like someone who dives? Or snorkels whatever that is. I'll meet you at the spa, and I guess that's an alright place for dinner..”

“An alright place? Darling, it's a five star restaurant, there isn't a meal on their menu that is under 2,000 galleons.. It's where Y/n and I..” His words trailed off as he remembered something his travel agent had said when he called and set up this trip.

“Ah.. Taking this Missus back for another honeymoon. Hope you have fun! Ill set you up with that same cabin, same restaurant for extra brownie points! Have fun Mr. Malfoy!”

He had barely been paying attention as his cock had been buried in Astorias throat. But now.. Now he was panicking. His hands were sweating and shaking, his breath coming in short gasps that caught Astorias attention as she did her hair.

She rolled her eyes before looking back to the mirror, “What's your problem? I just want to go shopping.. Spend a few thousand galleons on our last day here..” Setting down her curling iron, she was annoyed to be met with silence. “Draco.. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Draco stood and pulled at his long white hair, “My wedding anniversary was yesterday.. Oh Merlin, This is the same cabin we stayed in on our honeymoon.. Oh fuck..” He was practically hyperventilating at this point as he paced. “Y/ns probably so mad.. Theodores gonna kill me.. FUCK!” He yelled as he threw a bottle of water at the wall.

Astoria scoffed as she searched for the heels she wanted, “I thought you were going to leave her anyways.. What's the problem?” This made Draco stop pacing, his hands fell to his sides as he stared at her. “Wait.. You thought I would leave my wife… For you..?” Really it was stupid of him to not see this coming, really stupid.

Astoria spun around her jaw slack, cheeks pink “YES! I thought WE were going to be TOGETHER!” She screeched, as Draco just stared at her. He shook his head, snapping his fingers as his things started to pack themselves away. “I was never going to leave Y/n, Astoria.. You were just something to have on the side.. I'm sorry for the miscommunication. I'll pay you through the end of the month, but you should find a new job.”

~~~~~~~~

Draco ran into his Manor.

He dropped his bag on the floor with a loud thud, immediately noticing how silent the home was. How cold it was, like none of the fireplaces had been lit for the night. He slowly walked through the living room, checking the kitchen and the music room on his way to the bedroom he shared with you.

He didn't notice the curly haired man sitting in a chair, in the library reading as he walked by. But the Curly haired man noticed him, set his book aside and slowly followed him. Watching as Draco yelled your name and ran towards the bedroom.

Theo stopped and leaned against the door frame as Draco stopped short in front of the bed. His hands shook as he picked up two envelopes. Tears streamed down his face already as he read the first letter.

Dearest Draco,

By the time you've read this, I will be far away, settling into a new home. A new job and a new life. I'm unsure of when you started cheating with Astoria, I'm not even sure she was the first anymore. I used to have so much faith in you.

So much faith in the love I thought we had for each other.

I don't know when you fell out of love with me, maybe you were never in love with me? But I know when I started to fall out of love with you. It was all the nights I made dinner instead of the elves, waiting for you to come home and eat with me. Only to be told you had already eaten, and that was on the nights you bothered to come home at all.

I fell out of love the days I spent doing everything I could to try and look my best when you walked through the door. Only to be left waiting. The weekends I would spend with Teddy or the girls because you were gone on ‘business’. The games of Gins I went to without you, sat in our box alone because you suddenly were too busy to watch one of our best friends play your favorite sport.

You could've at least tried to hide it.

It's pretty clear that you didn't care if I found out or not.

At least that will make my leaving easier on you. Just know I want nothing from you, my things have been packed and moved to my family's Manor where they belong. I dont want your money, I have more than enough of my own. It was never about that for me..

I just wanted you..

My sincerest hopes in regards to your new relationship.

~Y/n Nott

Your last name on the letter was all Draco needed to know what was in the second envelope. He dropped it down to the bed before running his fingers through his hair again. He felt like throwing up, then bashing his head into something like he had seen Dobby do. Just as he went to find something to drink he noticed someone else in the room.

He turned to see the stoic face of Theodore Nott.

Before he could even force words out of his mouth, Theos fist was slamming into his cheek. The pain quickly spread threw his jaw and neck as he hit the ground next to his bed. He grabbed his face as he looked up at his friend. The words that came out of Theodore's mouth only added to the immense pain Draco was feeling.

“You're not the half the man you think that you are. You wont fill the hole inside of you with money, drug and sex. I'm so glad my sister never had a baby with you, because you can't love something unless there's something in it for you. I feel sorry for you Malfoy..”

With that, Theodore turned on his heel and left the Manor he spent part of his life in. His only worry was how his little star was doing. So when he made it out into the garden, he paused and looked up at the twinkling lights scattered across the dark sky. Sighing and hoping that at that very moment you were standing somewhere in Romania looking up at the stars too.

Want a part 2?

[grishaversecommunityyy]

The Grishaverse Ship Survey Results

So! After all of that, we finally have the results! What is the general opinion on the ships in the Grishaverse? Well, that’s for you to read below! It’s actually pretty interesting and, while some parts make sense, there were definitely some parts which... surprised me... Anyway, onto the results!

Everything in this post can be split into:

The Grisha Trilogy

Six Of Crows Duology

The Nikolai Series

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

Most Enjoyed Ships

Least Enjoyed Ships

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

Notes from the Survey 

(note from mod emily: i tried to bold all of fritz’ comments, but i might have missed a few! be aware there are two of us analysing here :))

The Grisha Trilogy

The first book series we asked about was, of course, the first chronologically: the Grisha Trilogy. The most popular ship, with 83% voters for this series selecting this, was Genya/David (Fritz was glad to hear that; Yes I am). This is likely due to the lack of alternate romantic interests in the series, which seems to be a major issue for Alina’s ships. It also seems to be one genuinely enjoyed by most fans, in contrast to Darkling/Alina and Mal/Alina (each around 30%) and Nikolai/Alina (just under 20%), for which I have definitely seen plenty of debate. The second and third most popular ships for this series were Tamar/Nadia (55%) and Nikolai/Zoya (47%). Interestingly, Genya/Alina (43%) and Zoya/Alina (30%) ranked surprisingly high, especially considering how few of my friends and associates I hear talking about them. Good for them!

Honourable mentions:

Alina/Sun (no doubt inspired by that crack fic I wrote a while back) (Still havent read that out of fear)

Alina alone (a common concept among those surveyed, though most mentioned it later)

Zoya/Genya or Alina/Zoya/Genya

Six Of Crows Duology

This series was a little less divided, I would say. Predictably, Kaz/Inej came out on top with a whopping 96% of voters (:relieved:), with Wylan/Jesper next (90%) and Nina/Matthias just after (83%). None of the others really came close, despite Nina/Inej gathering 35% of the votes and Colm/Aditi at 25% (yeah, I’m not sure why that was so popular on AO3 either, but nobody really has objections so I assume that’s why it amassed so many votes). As Six of Crows is decidedly less divisive about ships and doesn’t have such controversial ships (more on that later), it seems the fandom agrees with canon pairings and the votes are... pretty unanimous.

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper/Wylan/Kuwei

Polycrows (platonic or romantic)

Kaz/Inej/Nina

Whoever didn’t read the instruction about this being for only the book series and put Jesper/Milo. I will never escape. 

The Nikolai Series

This one is a little harder for me because I actually haven’t read this... so over to Fritz for analysis! But first, the stats. At 85%, the most popular ship is Genya/David, followed by Zoya/Nikolai at 77%. Tamar/Nadia and Nina/Hanne draw at 61.5% and Nina/Matthias has 56% voters onboard. There’s no real honourable mentions for this one, sadly. Hello Fritz here! Read the books and very glad to see Genya/David as the top ship as it damn well should. Although still a bit surprising since its more of a side-arc of the two and only ties in with the importance of the story at a specific chapter that I feel like I don’t need to elaborate about, if you read Rule of Wolves. (I believe the popularity of the ship also sky-rocketed due to ROW) Following of course Zoya/Nikolai, the high ranking makes sense, it is the main ship and lets be honest they deserve it <3

I think the only really surprising thing about this is the high votes for Nina/Matthias since [SPOILERS CROOKED KINGDOM] he’s dead so I feel like people should move on from that. Nina/“Hanne” having not as high a ranking as I would’ve thought, but with Matthias still being in the frame I guess we shouldn’t be surprised either.

Shadow and Bone: TV Series

This one is really interesting, with the exclusive show watchers now taking part! We have 89% voting for Kaz/Inej, 76% for David/Genya, 71% for Matthias/Nina, 67% for Ivan/Fedyor (that’s a thing???-->Yeah they had a few somewhat sweet interactions in the background-->nvm i watched it you’re right fritz) and 62% for Mal/Alina. What’s really surprising is how high Malina is compared to Darklina, with Darkling/Alina at 36%. Who knows, maybe Fritz’ analysis can shed some light on this?

Yes yes Fritz to the rescue: First of all we have to see their interactions a little different from what we already knew of them by the end of episode 8. I still think it is a surprising number, since the Darkling in the show isn’t as nasty as he was in the books BUT over all his actions are now seen on TV. We all thought the deer antlers were a necklace amirite? Well no apparently not, the darkling used the worst kind of small science to fit Alinas collarbone to the bone and out comes a gruesome sight: a reason why many people might have started thinking: Wow what a disgusting person he is. And on the Malina “ship”: Mal finally has personality!! jkjk :eyes: Mals and Alinas friendship has been portrayed way better in the show and I believe that the people noticed more chemistry between them especially by the end of season 1. So I’m still a little surprised Darklina has such a low ranking (what with him being all sweet and cuddly in the middle of the show) but it makes sense and the Malina ship as well. Their vibes are just *chefs kiss* and thats coming from someone who didnt even like any of these “ships” <3

Loving the quotation marks for the word ‘ships’, Fritz. Over to the honourable mentions!

Honourable Mentions:

Jesper and Milo (isn’t milo a goat? guys, why?)

Nadia/Marie (huh that didn’t appear anywhere else)

One person had several - Kaz/Inej/Jesper, Dubrov/Mikhael, Dubrov/Mikhael/Mal - and yeah, you can really see the show differences in these mentions right? (whose dubrov...and whose mikhael...)

16% actually voted for Inej/Alina which is wild to me because of book context (they did have chemistry in the show tho :cowboi_smirk:)

Another person with several! We have Nina/Inej, Genya/Alina, Zoya/Alina, Zoya/Genya/Alina. Very sapphic. Good for you.

Kaz/Jesper and Nina/Inej all in one

That’s a lot of honour and mentions but it’s so interesting to me and I think you should see too

Most Enjoyed Ships

The most enjoyed ship was Kaz/Inej. This had unparalleled support, being at 35%. Jesper/Wylan, which was next on the list (23.5%) and Nina/Matthias (18%) were also pretty popular. Most of the others were quite low, though interestingly Mal/Alina only had 1 vote (plus one for the show version). Overall, the SoC ships were a lot more popular in this section, which makes sense - this part is really about your favourite ship, and those were more unanimous in the last sections.

Least Enjoyed Ships

Most people said Darkling/Alina, which got 47% of the NOTP votes. A lot more people disliked Darkling/Alina than liked Kaz/Inej. Make of that what you will, but I take it as a somewhat general agreement among many of you guys. Mal/Alina was also strongly disliked at 22%, but around a half or more of these were clarified to be about the book version of the ship specifically. They really must’ve upgraded in the show! Jesper/Kuwei and any other Darkling ships were also voted by a few, but all of these pale in comparison to the anti-Darklina votes. Shoutout to the person who said Apparat/Anyone. I agree, though it’s not something I thought of before seeing this response. Also one person said they didn’t like the poly ships, which I hope meant just the ones mentioned earlier and not all poly relationships in general... Another shoutout to whoever said Kaz/Heleen, because why did I have to read that. A fun question, all in all!

Crack Ships and Shipping Discourse

I love talking about crack ships, so let’s start with that! This time, I really don’t want to have to count and list because... well, let me show you:

I think that sums up the sheer variety, to be honest. Then again, it would be rude not to mention that the most popular were Jesper/Milo, Darkling/Nikolai and Alina/Sun. (If you’re still confused about that last one, I take full responsibility.)

YES KAZ/KRUGE I SUPPORT!!!

Honourable mention to this:

which was a lot to take in, and:

Now for the discourse. Yep, the part you probably came for. 

Actually... maybe you didn’t? Looking at all of these responses, I see a lot of people genuinely don’t care about ship wars and so on, and often enjoyed the books regardless of the romances involved. Quite a few disapproved of the ongoing (though small) wars between Darklina and Malina, and others had a similar line of thinking, saying we should maybe stop focusing so much on it. You guys are right. I know this is a ship survey, and the conclusions should not include that shipping isn’t as important as we make it (Yes it should), but... that’s where it’s at.

And then again, a lot of you guys expressed disapproval for Darkling/Alina, discussing how it is often one-sided and manipulative and overall unhealthy, so I could be completely off with that last one. Some people mentioned that they ship this but as a slightly different version that the one given to us, recognising the flaws of the canon ship.

Someone said they headcanon Tolya as aroace (OMG YES!!). We need more aroace characters, so thank you for that headcanon :) We also have a few gay ships mentioned here, and one person telling us they love Malina. Yes, you’re right - it’s pretty unpopular, it turns out. Someone else said Alina should’ve been single, and I agree, actually!

One person rickrolled me here. Thankfully, Youtube’s ads saved me. *wipes forehead*

I leave you all with this, in the end:

Notes from the Survey

Statistics Stuff:

The top ships were taken from AO3, so some ships may be more focused on in other books and may not provide accurate statistics for an earlier series.

The main circles this was sent around may have had bias as most people are from the same discord server, which has debated these topics in the past. Hence certain ships may have lower-than-average results. In future, this could be improved upon by sending this to other servers and areas of the fandom.

Personal bias may be present in the analysis, though I have tried to minimise this in the more formal sections.

Observations and Notes from Me:

You guys really don’t like Darklina. Or you love it. Usually one or the other. Wow.

Be glad I didn’t talk about any of the cursed ships in this. The things I have seen... (:cowboi_eyes:)

I thought more people would rickroll me, ngl.

What Surprised You Guys:

Kaz/Inej/Jesper

A few of you guys saw some of those cursed ships, and that surprised you. Well, me too!

Nikolai ships being in the TV Show section at all, what with his character not being in the show (yeah what was up with that huh tztz)

Inej/Alina

The existence of The Severed Moon

Darkling/Nikolai(/Alina)

How fun the quiz was :D

Things You Sent Me:

Bee Movie copypasta

“Nobody expects The Spanish Inquisition!”, except via an AO3 link

A fun fact about enzymes! I liked this one

Fic recs for Feriku and Sarai (esp for Wylan/Jesper shippers)

Another rickroll

Nice compliments :) aww you guys

I asked everyone for some kind of placeholder name and never used it. Sorry! But hey, anonymity, right?

Closing Statements

If you got this far (I feel like ive been sitting here for hours), thanks for reading! This was fun to do and I hope you enjoyed all of this too! The survey is still open for anyone who hasn’t done it but wants to. If I get a huge amount of new responses, I might update this post! But for now, adios!

-mod emily (and mod fritz)

[sweetiejunie]

Fantasy

Summary: You’re the not-so-typical girl next door

Genre: Slight fluff, smut «60-70% is just smut»

Beomgyu x reader

—.*•—

A/n: this was the smut i was hesistant about posting. I thought about it for a couple weeks and decided to just post it •_•

[Note: If ure only int in the ‘smut’ part, it roughly starts at the ��.✿ฺ— till the end]

=====================================

Beomgyu knew he recognised you from somewhere. He just couldn’t figure out where. The way you smirked, the way you played with your hair, all seemed familiar to him. But where?

That night soobin had invited him and yeonjun out to a diner with him and this girl he had been seeing, soyu. Apparently, and he quoted, soyu had ‘two hot friends that she met recently and thought a night out with everyone would be fun’. So in case you hadn’t figured it out yet, soobin invited them to some triple-date deal.

At first, beomgyu was reluctant to go. He didn’t like the idea of blind dating. The previous time someone had set him up with a girl they claimed to be ‘his perfect match’, the girl turned out to be the exact opposite of what he liked. She was loud, ill-mannered and overall just too childish. Honestly, he had no idea how anyone could have thought he would like her. Since then, beomgyu always preferred to choose the people he dated. But for some odd reason, he agreed to soobin’s proposal. Not sure why, but something told him he was going to regret it if he didn’t.

That’s how he ended up here, in a ‘U’ shaped booth with two of his closest friends and three, admittedly, really good looking girls. Aside from soyu, the other two girls were you and your coworker, Zoe. As these things would typically go, everyone would be paired up. In this case it was of course, soobin and soyu, yeonjun and you, leaving beomgyu with Zoe. Not that Beomgyu had anything against zoe, it was just that as the group started talking more, the contrast between you and Zoe’s personalities started to become more noticeable. Zoe was sweet, your typical girl-next-door, while you were more sly, mysterious. You were the girl every mother feared their son dating. Yet, something about you drew beomgyu in, something seemed like déjà vu.

Yeonjun was the first to point out this difference. “You know, you and zoe are pretty different, it’s kind of surprising you two are friends.”

“Y/N just started working at my salon recently and i dont know, the three of us just cliqued,” zoe stated.

“Where did you work before that?” Beomgyu asked you, hoping your answer could give some clues to his mystery.

“I just moved here from London last month,” you replied.

London, that’s one clue. Beomgyu made a mental note. You continued on about your story, telling them about, when you a teenager, how you had moved in with your grandparents and studied in korea until you graduated high school. How your parents thought your behaviour was getting out of hand and how they thought sending you abroad would someone solve that problem. In all honesty, they probably just didn’t want to have to deal with you anymore and sending you to an overseas dormitory seemed like a liable option. You were never a bad student, in fact you actually scored straight A’s and was always the too in your class. Your behaviour was what drew the line with your family, always getting caught skipping classes and trespassing on school property during the night. They were just done with it and sent you packing.

As beomgyu picked up each clue you dropped, he started to remember his neighbour when he was about 17. A girl that moved in with the elderly couple that lived next door and went to the same school as him. Rumours eventually spread about that girl. At school, he heard the students gossiping about her, saying her parents had threw her to live with her grandparents cause they didn’t want to deal with her. That in her previous school she seduced boys and slept around. Breaking school rules to the point of suspension, leading her here. Parents, including his own, were instructing their children not to befriend her and to stay away from her. The more beomgyu heard about the girl, the more intrigued he became.

Even though beomgyu was in a different class from her, just from all the talking, it felt as if he knew her. He saw her pretty regularly, in the cafeteria, in the halls and even at the bus stop, most of the time, if not always, she was alone. He felt bad seeing someone he ‘knew’ on their own but being the good child he was, he listened to his mother and stayed away. Of course, this made her an easy target for bullies, or so they thought. Every time they tried to pull a cruel prank on her, she never reacted the way they wanted. When they poured something over her head she would simple shrug and go to clean herself off.

When another girl talked behind her back, or straight up tried to insult her, instead of getting embarrassed or mad, she would laugh and reply with, “i know I’m a bitch. I never tried to hide it.”

Eventually, the bullying stopped and boys started wanting to get closer to her, something about her pulling them in. She however, never really showed much interest in any of the boys that threw themselves at her. Through her time in there, she never had any trouble getting one of the boys to be her ‘little assistant’ for the day, be it running to the nearest convenient store for her snacks or kneeling on the ground and tying her shoe laces. Any boy would have killed to be in that position, wanting to test their luck with her.

Throughout her time there, beomgyu never spoke to her. He never so much as asked for her name. But since they were neighbours, beomgyu saw her often, mostly on the bus, but he always kept his distance. Every now and then, students approached him asking for information about the mysterious girl, but he could never give them any, saying he didn’t know anything. People found it hard to believe, beomgyu was one of the most charming and best looking guys in the school, if he wanted to, he could get someone falling head over heels for him in minutes. But he knew better than to get involved with her.

She wasn’t the prettiest, maybe slightly above average at best. But her attitude automatically attracted people’s attention. The aura she possessed, one of power and manipulation. From what beomgyu had observed, she was a kind and friendly person and would have probably even made a good friend. But she had a strange way of figuring out what people wanted from her and then using it against them to do her bidding.

—.✿ฺ—

Beomgyu’s bedroom window faced out overlooking hers. On occasion, she would fail to shut her curtains all the way and beomgyu would look in, seeing a small section of her room, her figure walking past every so often.

One evening however, while beomgyu was studying, he suddenly heard a soft noise from across alley. Shocked, he snapped his head up. Only to see the curtains were still drawn. Looking out to the driveway, he realised the car that was normally parked there was replaced by a new black one. Thinking back, he couldn’t recall ever seeing the elderly couple driving it. It wasn’t their car. Intrigued, he continued to listen, hearing more noise which eventually he identified to be moaning. And suddenly they stopped, ending with a long sigh. Soon after, he saw her walking out from her house, in a plain tshirt, as she lead someone to the mystery car. It was a boy, one that he may have seen around campus before but never acknowledged. The boy placed a kiss on her forehead and entered the car, driving away.

At that moment, beomgyu knew. He cheeks grew red as he felt his pants tighten just at the thought. Shaking his head to rid himself of the thought, he looked back down, only met by her gaze. She had turned around and saw his silhouette at his window. Quickly crouching down to hide, he clutched his chest. He was screwed.

That morning, he feared having to face her again. She saw him, he was one hundred percent certain about it. He stood at the bus stop, his mind still a complete mess. Hitting his head with his hand until he noticed her walking out of her house. Immediately he froze, expecting her to accuse him of his deed. But to his surprise, she didn’t. She didnt so much as spare him a single glance. Part of him was relieved, but the rest of him was starting to panic more, overthinking what it could possibly mean. But maybe she didn’t see him afterall. At school, beomgyu never muttered a single word about it to the others. The thought of having o share what he knew wasn’t something he was very fond of.

That night, beomgyu laid at his usual spot on his bed, reading. Interrupted when the sudden light from her bedroom lit up the otherwise dark alley. Looking across, she had just taken a shower, she was in nothing but a towel, her hair wet and skin sprinkled with water droplets. He couldn’t help but stare at the sight in front of him. No matter how perverted he knew he was being, he couldn’t tear his eyes away. He watched as she entered her room, closing the door behind her. He figured next she would approach her window and draw the curtains, like usual. But instead, she sat on her bed, her back facing him. Placing her clothes next to her, she unravelled the towel around her, letting it drop and gather around her hip. Her bare back, now exposed to him. He knew it wasn’t much, but combined with the thought from the previous day, it was enough to get him worked up.

Not wanting to be seen again, he ran to turn his room lights off. He sat the edge of his bed, still facing her, as he started to palm himself. He studied her actions carefully, taking in the way she carefully dried herself with the towel, using a hairdryer to lightly blow dry her hair. He felt himself get harder in his sweats, just imagining what a front view would look like. Just as the thought came to mind, she stood up, towel falling on the floor, her rear end now on show to him. He wished how he could reach out and squeeze her with his hands. Sliding his hand into his boxers, he started moving his hand on his length. He felt as if he had a front row seat to the show that is your life. He continued jerking himself off as she continued on with her nighttime routine, struggling to keep himself silent. Eventually, she turned around to put her clothes on, allowing beomgyu to see her body clearly while she dressed herself. That alone got him to come undone, ruining his boxers as he continued to ride out his high. His hand lazily running along his now softened dick.

Again, the next morning beomgyu was terrified to see her. But once again, she acted as if nothing had happened. Whenever he passed her on the streets or in school, she always acted as if she didn’t know him. At this point, beomgyu thought he had gotten away with it. Cause he couldn’t think of any reason why someone would leave their curtains open, knowing that their neighbour is spying on then.

With the third night rolling around, beomgyu kept his lights off, using only his table lamp to study. Once again, he looked over, her curtains were open but today, she was just sitting on her bed, dressed only in an oversized shirt and panties, reading a book with her bedside lamp on. The lamp wasn’t the brightest, but it was enough for beomgyu to see what she was doing. He sat staring at her for nearly an hour, watching her switch between her book and her phone. Finally, she put her book down beside her. Beomgyu assumed she was probably going to bed until he saw her pull her panties off, throwing them on the floor.

He watched as she slowly slid one of her hand under her shirt, massaging her breast as small high pitched moans left her lips. His eyes widen, his mouth falling open. Immediately, beomgyu felt himself getting aroused. Moving closer to his window, as if one feet could get him any better of a view, his forehead was pressed against the glass. Her other hand moving down to touch herself. Beomgyu’s hand shamelessly moving to his own pants as she started pumping her fingers in and out slowly, as if she was teasing him intentionally. After a few minutes, she stopped, pulling off her shirt, exposing her body to him. Her hands going back to what they were originally doing. Only this time, he could see her kneading and playing with her breast as her fingers rubbed her clit. Beomgyu began stroking himself, eventually completely ridding himself of his pants and boxers, leaving himself bare for anyone to see.

Beomgyu closed his eyes, imagining that it was her hands around him instead of his own, the feeling of her small, fragile hands around his dick, pleasuring him. Suddenly, another moan escape her lips, causing him to shoot his eyes open, he stare falling back on her and how her back arched as she got closer to her high. Fuck, how much he wished he could jump over the alley and take care of it for her. The thought of roughly fucking her against her bedroom door, making her regret torturing him like this, even if she didn’t know it.

Beomgyu admired as her moans got louder, echoing across the alley, filling his ears, letting him bask in the sound. As he watched her fingers pumped faster, his hand speeding up its movement. His leaned against the window, not wanting to miss a second. Soon, he had to use his free hand to muffle to sounds of his own grunts, feeling himself coming as soon as she did, finishing at the same time. Streams of his cum dripping down the wall he leaned against. He was still panting for air as he stayed focus on her. Her chest rising and falling as she tried to catch her breath.

Up till graduation, beomgyu would spend his evenings looking out his window, his hands down his pants at whatever she gave. Most days, it was nothing, just her studying or watching netflix shows. Some days it was her naked in front of the mirror, preparing for bed. But on the days he got lucky, he would be able to see her pleasuring herself. And on rare days, he would even be able to see her get fucked by other men. How he wished he could be one on top of her, but he knew that wouldn’t happen.

Beomgyu would admit that, within those months, what he did was wrong, but it just felt so right. Every evening he looked forward to the show she was going to perform. However one day, a few weeks after graduation, it all just stopped. Her blinds where drawn once again and all he could remember was overhearing his parents talking about how the elderly couple next door was sending their granddaughter to study in the UK.

For some reason, it stung. Even though they didn’t even know each other, beomgyu felt as if he had been abandoned. Now and then, he found himself checking out his window, in hopes she would suddenly appear again, but it never happened.

This brings us back to the present. Beomgyu sat in the booth next to zoe, unaware that she had been talking to him for the past few minutes.

Was it really you? What were you doing back so soon? Was all that was going through beomgyu’s mind.

“Beomgyu!” Yeonjun called, snapping his fingers in front of his face to get his attention. “Zoe’s talking to you.”

“What? Oh, sorry i spaced out. You were saying, zoe?” Beomgyu apologised, trying to keep his focus on the girl he was supposed to be giving his attention to.

But as she continued talking, he still found himself stealing glances at you. The way you laughed at something yeonjun told you. And the way you lightly hit his shoulder when he made a joke.

Just as zoe was about to say something else, beomgyu interrupted her, “yeonjun, let’s go order some milkshakes for everyone.”

“What-,” before yeonjun could reply, beomgyu grabbed his arm, forcing him to get up and follow him.

When he was sure they were far enough away, beomgyu spoke again, “listen, dont ask any questions. We need to trade.”

“What why? Aren’t you and zoe having a good time?”

“I- we are,” beomgyu started, “it’s just, i need to talk to y/n. I think she used to be my neighbour.”

“Then why dont you just asked her like this? There’s no way im trading. Zoe is cool and all but y/n is cool,” yeonjun replied, putting emphasis on the last part.

With that, yeonjun walked back to the table, leaving beomgyu to sigh in frustration. There was no way he could just ask you like that in front of everyone. Going to order a couple milkshakes, he returned to the table. This time, he noticed Yeonjun’s arm around the back of the booth. It was his usual, eventually, his arm would end up around you, pulling you closer to him. It was infuriating, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Some ways through the night, you had excused yourself to go answer a phone call. Seeing this as the perfect opportunity, beomgyu excused himself after you. Following you to an empty hallway that connected with the bathrooms. An emergency exit at the end. He waited around the corner, calling your name the moment he saw you put down the phone.

“Y/n, hey.”

“Oh hi beomgyu, where you waiting for me?” You asked, perking an eyebrow at him.

“No-,” he considered lying for a second, but saw no point for it. “Actually, i was. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Well what is it that you couldn’t say in front of the others?” You asked, folding your arms and leaning against the wall. After all these years, you still had the same powerful aura that left him speechless and flustered.

“I- er. I don’t think you would remember but... i think we used to be neighbours... We went to the same school.”

You chuckled at his hesitation, “i do remember you, beomgyu. The moment i saw you even.”

“Oh, why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“Probably the same reason you couldn’t. Dont think I didnt know about you jerking off, watching me every night. I’m not blind beomgyu,” you smirked.

Beomgyu swallowed hard, looking at the ground as face turned a shade of red, “you knew? I’m sorry. But if you knew, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Where’s the fun in that? Knowing that i got my hot neighbour jerking off to the sight of me was thrilling. Teasing you every now and then, my poor boy,” you leaned in closer to him before practically whispering the rest, “got me so damn turned on.”

Once again, beomgyu was at a loss for words. He felt the blood from his head rush to between his legs. The thought of him jerking off to you turned you on?

“I only wish you would have let me watch you as well,” you said out of the blue, causing beomgyu’s head to snap up in shock.

“I think you owe me. Don’t you, baby boy?”

By just listening to your words, beomgyu was getting harder by the second. Looking down, it was blatantly obvious to everyone.

“Poor thing. Do you want help with that?” You asked, you hand ghosting over his clothed dick.

Beomgyu tried to keep his cool but ended up frantically nodded at your statement, “why dont we go somewhere else?”

“You dirty boy. We’re in a public place and all you can think about is getting off. Tsk. I think you should take care of it yourself, don’t you?” This time, you walked towards the exit door, leaning against it and got beomgyu to face you. “I want you to jerk off. Right here. I think you owe me, after months of watching me do it.”

“But-“

“Or you know what, im just going back to join the others,” you quickly said, cutting off beomgyu’s argument.

“No!” He said, a bit too eagerly, clearing his throat immediately after.

“I knew you weren’t as innocent as your portrayed,” you shot him a smirk, palming him through his jeans and watched as beomgyu’s eyes shot open.

Undoing his zipper, you pulled his dick out, leaving beomgyu to savour that short moment of having your hands on him. He was almost completely hard by this point, the tip red, pointing slightly upwards. Slowly, he grabbed himself and started pumping his length.

Leaning closer to him, you put your arms around his neck and whispered, “have you ever fantasied about this before? You jerking yourself off in front of me in a public place.”

Shaking his head as a response, he started working himself faster, feeling himself get more turned on by your words, using the precum that was leaking out as lubricant. He felt embarrassed you could have this kind of an effect on him but he couldn’t care right now.

“Fuck, you know baby boy, since high school, ive always found you really attractive. And seeing you like this right now is actually really hot. I’m actually staring to wonder how you would feel.”

“Then let’s go somewhere more private. I swear ill take really good care of you,” beomgyu suggested, hoping it would convince you, losing his breath as he felt his dick start to twitch in his hand.

“No, i think i like it here. Do you remember how i looked back then? I always made sure to be within your view so you could see me.”

Beomgyu shut his eyes as he listened to you speak. He remembered those days as clear as crystal. Right now, he wondered if anyone walked by, would they know exactly what you two were doing? He felt nervous getting caught. But at the same time, the though thrilled him. He couldn’t remember the last time he was so turned on, excited and worried at the same time.

“Look at me baby. I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you come. I bet it must be so hot right? I wonder what your friends would think if they knew what you did. Would they think you’re a pervert? Would they think you’re so lucky right now? While they’re stuck back there being good boys with their dates, you’re here, getting off.”

Looking up at you, beomgyu saw your signature smirk as you watched his hand moving up and down his length. His hand moved faster as he got closer got coming. Never in a million years would he have thought he would be in this situation. The girl of all this teenage fantasies watching him jerk off in a public hallway. The more he thought about his, the closer he got. A struggled groan coming from his throat.

“Fuck, im- im cumming.”

Taking a step aside, you watched him spill his cum onto the back door. You gaze never leaving beomgyu’s face until he relaxed. He looked down, tucking himself back into his pants and laughed.

“Well, fuck. I never thought i would do that,” he stated, “so what do you want to do now? I’ll go anywhere with you.”

“I’m going back to the table,” you shrugged.

“Wha- I’m sorry, what? Why?”

“I left yeonjun alone. In case you forgot, he was supposed to be my date for the night.”

“You’re still planning to spend the night with him?” Beomgyu asked, completely shocked by your answer.

“Of course i am. It’s rude to leave halfway.”

“I was really hoping this wouldn’t be a one time thing,” he admitted, a different look in eyes.

“Trust me, it wont be,” with that you started to walk away from beomgyu, leaving him on his own to make himself decent again before joining you and the others back at the table.

Sure, it hurt seeing you still with yeonjun, his arm around your shoulders, whispering things into your ear that made you laugh. But the thought of being able to meet you again was enough the keep beomgyus’s head up. It felt as if all his teenage fantasies were coming through.

=====================================

Ahhhh i freaked out about posting this. Hope u liked this!!! Inspo from smt i read a few years back (i dont rly remember what cause its been so long).-.

Masterlist

[pocmuzings]

hello hi , it is g , ur friendly local neighbourhood hindu indian ( as in south asian  ) ! so a few people requested that i just make a guide-esque sorta thing on hindu  indian characters ! im not really good at guides , so instead , these are just little things i’ve noticed or picked up on that could really potentially strengthen the next indian character u ( pretty please ! ) pick up ! 

disclaimer : i am writing this from my perspective and it is NOT definitive , nor do i speak on behalf of all hindu indians  ! i am a 23-year-old bisexual cis female hindu indian , with one older gay brother, and a Train Wreck middle brother . my mother is from new delhi , and my father is from nairobi but has indian heritage ( not sure which part of india bc he’s an Engima ) . i have extended family in india and have visited india about 10-15 times throughout my entire life .

so firstly , im so glad u all are here and want to write more hindu indian characters ! please please do so !  i hope this helps , encourages u , and isnt too confusing !! 

psa : i need everyone to know that this is a very basic ‘ guide ‘ and theres a lot it DOESNT touch on or address bc i didnt want to get too Extensive and Detailed and have people Turn off and not Read it . this is just written in the terms of hopefully helping build  character / be relevant to characters a bit better that ive employed into writing my OWN hindu indian character creations !  but if u have any other questions pls reach out to me or any other indians in the rpc and im sure we’ll try our best to assist u !

FCS: 

one thing i’d really like to say is that its great to see fcs like dev patel  , deepika padukone and avan jogia picked up every now and then in rps , but there’s actually a LOT of other indian fcs you could be and should be using ! the main reason people don’t seem to know them is because they’re not ‘ hollywood ‘ stars per se ( it was a super big deal when pr*yanka broke out of bollywood and into bollywood but we don’t talk about her on this Blog ) . they’re usually bollywood stars and i don’t really see bollywood discussed that much in the rpc ! 

if you’re after MORE indian fcs , i have a tag of indian females here , and indian males here . the fcs on my blogs are also not ALL that exist . there are plenty of other blogs out there that post indian fcs , such as sonamhelps &  bollymusings !!! there’s also some really great faceclaim directories out there that include a LOT of indians with resources !

 unfortunately , i do not know of any trans indians or nonbinary indians but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist . indian cultures and beliefs are still quite Old School and not super progressive . india only just had it’s first wlw mainstream bollywood film released last year . lgbtqia+ issues are NOT really spoken about in india or within indian families at ALL , and if they are - they’re usually dismissed or reacted to Very Very Badly . ( again this isnt definitive and im sure and hopeful that some indians have had GREAT coming out stories and been accepted by their families but this has not been a common thing ive seen or witnessed from my cousins my age , indian friends , myself and my brother who are lgbtqia +  ) 

FOOD : 

we do eat with our hands and we eat like PROS with our hands . we can shovel it so easily and quickly . i don’t know how to describe it but you use the first three fingers of your hand to place the Food there , and then use your thumb to kinda scoop it off and into your mouth . this is NOT unhygienic because indians wash their hands very regularly and most of the time we aren’t actually touching our mouths to our hands ! 

indian food is MADE to be eaten with your hands for the most part . it is literally NOT practical to eat food with a knife and fork . here’s a really great article explaining things more in depth re: indian food and using our hands !

cows are seen as Very holy beings in hindu indian culture , and for that reason - there isn’t a lot of beef being eaten or consumed. sure , some indians DO eat beef but i don’t think its super common, but in my personal experience as a non-beef-eater this results in A LOT of me asking ‘ oh ,  sorry what sauce does that pasta come with ? ‘ ‘ oh those are beef sausages ? sorry i can’t eat them ‘ etc etc . beef is in a LOT of things , and this makes me very very careful and almost pedantic about what i do eat and ask about , food wise  !

indian food is seen as stinky by a majority of white people . it has a very very strong smell as im sure u know , and opening ur lunch box as a little kid to a Curry or Dal ur mum has made u ? one way street to being bullied . i also remember a time a real estate agent continuously told my dad nobody was interested in buying our house bc it smelled too much like curry,  despite my mum not having cooked curry in Weeks ( just say what u Really mean ,  bitch ! )

 indian curry exists but so does dal / daal . this is curry-like dish that is usually made out of lentils . so if ur going to talk about indian food and u know curries and samosas . . pls also bring up dals . and sabji ! ( sabji is usually just boiled vegetables plopped together . a lot of potato usually )

desserts are what we call Indian Sweets  . this is stuff that is usually very VERY sugary and a bit of an accustomed taste . theyre very colourful and LOOK beautiful but even i , for one , can not eat many indian sweets bc they are a Lot of Sweet and Sugar    . examples of indian sweets that u can google  : gulab jamun , burfi , rasgulla , jalebi etc . here’s a great link for more !

give me spiced food or give me death . literally . . put some cumin in . . put some garam masala . . put some chillies . . flavour ur Food for my Indian Taste Buds 

FAMILY : 

if you are the oldest son of an Indian Family . . congratulations . you are now the Head of the family and must carry every weight and burden alone . it is extremely isolating and taxing on you ( my dad is the oldest indian son , and also - so is my eldest brother , obvs ) . there is a LOT that is expected of you to do . you are expected to quite literally run the family and be the ‘ man of the house ‘ by yourself . 

if you are a daughter . . . even BIGGER congratulations ! you are basically a maid to every male or guest who EVER comes over to your house . you must be a Hostess , you must be in the kitchen cooking , serving snacks, bringing tea , and then washing up and basically waiting on Hand and Foot . you will not be included into a lot of dialogue or engaged in a lot of conversation and TRUST ME ! THAT WILL GRIND UR GOD DAMN GEARS IN THE 21ST CENTURY ! 

if you are a boys’ boy ( aka straight and Sporty ) , then congrats ! you get it the easiest : you are the favourite of every social event . the uncles and cousins love talking to you and dude-ing it up with you , and the aunts fawn over you and think you’re the Best Thing since sliced bread . sit back , put your feet up , and expect to be treated like a God. you can do absolutely no wrong . ( my middle brother is this to a T and listen . . he’s been in and out of jail for physical violence and ab*se for over 5 years . and family still FROTH over him . my teeth are gritted to dust thinking of this again ) 

indian aunties are lethal . they gossip like teenage girls . they will find out everything . they will bitch behind your back . they can NOT be trusted .

everyone is ur uncle or aunt, sister or brother . literally everyone . ur cousin ? no. thats ur sister . ur dads friend ? no , thats ur uncle . you will call them as such . EVERYONE is family .  

family is in general a VERY BIG THING in indian culture , too . ‘ what will it Look like to everyone else if we don’t all arrive together ? ‘ my dad usually asks dskjdfjn . it’s all about Looking Right and Standing As A United Front  . that being said , indian family has undying and unwavering loyalty for one another , they just show it in a very Weird way .

FASHION: 

female hindu indian formal  clothes are usually really embroidered to hell and back and this makes them very scratchy , uncomfortable, and HEAVY . you aren’t running anywhere anytime soon in a full blown lehenga or saree 

most ‘ modern ‘ hindu indian women do not wear full Indian Clothes all the time . some do , but usually it’s a lot of wearing a kurti tunic with jeans , or just normal everyday clothing . again , this is going to be different based on which parts of india your character is from , though ! 

usually , older women and married women  wear traditiona hindul indian clothing quite often . i know my mum wore a sari AT HOME everyday when i was growing up, until i was like 13 and took her shopping with me to get something Else to wear . 

bindi’s just stick right onto ur forehead but they do fall off a lot , especially when ur wearing makeup or sweating . again , you don’t need to wear a bindi everyday , unless thats ur preference . i usually only wear them for festivals . ( festivals means indian celebrations , not like . . coachella  ((which u should not be wearing a bindi to , if ur not indian fyi )) )

male formal clothes are usually just literally anything Formal and buttoned up for the most part , and u can get away with that , or you can wear a really nice kurta

indians wear white at funerals , not black  ( not sure if this should go in the fashion section but this entire thing is being organised into a Mess by now anyways ) . you CAN wear black to a funeral of course , but its common to wear white !

DATING ( tw’s for islamaphobia ): 

modern day indian / desi fuck boys exist and my god they are Something Else . hasan minhaj did a really good piece about this and explaining them to a T ( starts at 1:43 )

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT WILL MENTION ISLAMAPHOBIA AND HOMOPHOBIA ! ) basically according to Older  indians , ,  ur dating options  in 2020 go like this ( if ur a cis female like me ) : hindu indian men are god tier , white men are Not Okay But I Guess So Bc We Have To Accept They’re Everywhere , females / being lgbtqia+ is not Taken Seriously , and muslims are literally not even close to being an option or Accepted  . again this isn’t definitive but based on a lot of  indian media i’ve consumed and seen how they portray muslims in general as well as Dating Options , as well as talking to other indians  , both who are older / traditional and hold these ideals , whereas Younger gens generally do NOT hold these ideals  / actively are Against these backwards ideals.   i remember when i was in year 6 and had my first boyfriend . . he was a muslim and my dad FLIPPED the FUCK out  . it’s not even that i was dating someone / young / his only daughter . . it was mainly because i was dating a muslim . again , this is a very OLD SCHOOL and traditional way of thinking and it is NOT CORRECT .  pls don’t take this as a note to be islamaphobic if u write an indian character bc . . thats literally the opposite of what im trying to tell u here . 

yeah arranged marriages are definitely still a thing for us , even now in 2020

YES if u are an unmarried / single indian ( ESPECIALLY if ur a woman ) about to enter ur 30s . . ur in DANGER and u are the black sheep and theres probably something Wrong With You bc why are u still single ?

TRADITIONS / BELIEFS / SUPERSTITIONS :

idk if its just me and my family but we are SUPER superstitious . if you say anything like ‘ he hasnt gotten sick in years !’ immediately , everyone knocks on wood or their head . if you were planning on leaving the house and sneeze ? thats bad luck , stand and wait for five minutes then u can leave . we have a strong belief in drishti , or  alternatively : The Evil Eye  , and making sure we don’t invite it into our lives . a lot of our prayers are about warding drishti away .

the evil eye is kinda Complicated but basically its an ill-wishing upon an unsuspecting person . if somebody is jealous of you or angered by you , they may wish upon you or cast upon you the Evil eye ( or even just glare at u whilst ur not looking and thats Big Bad ) . 

a lot of older indians , like older people in general i guess , are not super progressive or Open . this isnt ALWAYS the case but older indians can be very very stubborn in their beliefs in what is Right and Wrong , Normal and Not Normal 

theres a LOT of hindu indian festivals and events ! tbh too many for me to even keep up with . but without fail at least once a year ill say to ONE of my friends ‘ oh sorry i cant make it . i have an indian Thing on that day ‘ and its usually about a festival , so pls be aware that there are a LOT of indian festivals and if ur writing an indian character , its perfectly understandable and Relatable for them to say they can’t make it to a party or hang out with their friends that night , for that very reason !

the main / most popular ( ? ) festivities  that i personally do celebrate every year without fail are : 

diwali ( the festival of lights , celebrating goddess lakshmi roaming the earth . in my household this is usually turning on literally every single light and lighting candles and fireworks / sparklers and saying some prayers , and eating a formal dinner all together !  )  

holi ( the festival of colours . celebrating victory and love . again personally for me , this was usually celebrated at the temple with all of us Kids running around throwing paint on each other ! ) 

rakhi / raksha bandhan ( a day of sisters celebrating their brothers . you tie a rakhi which is usually a bracelet / holy string around your brothers wrist , feed them some food , pray for their wellbeing and in return they gift you something . in my case, i usually get money from them ) .

navratri  / durga puja ( 9 nights and 10 days of celebrations but tbh u don’t have to do all the days . or i mean . . i don’t . i fast one day from morning to night and then i slide on over to boogie and dance dandiya which is literally the MOST FUN dance ever bc its based off some Historical Fight and u go faster and faster and keep going until ur absolutely SPENT bc u dont wanna lose ur place in the circle )  

there are SO MANY HINDU INDIAN GODS too . and so many prayers to all of them and to just general Life Wellness . chances are that ur character will know at least ONE aarti / gazal / prayer off by heart and have sung it at least 30 times in a monotone voice . the ones i know off by heart bc ive had to sing them 3000 times ? om jai jagdish hare , & the gayatri mantra 

GENERAL LIL THINGS I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO CATEGORISE ( tw’s for skin whitening , colorism and classism ) :

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR SKIN WHITENING AND COLORISM  ) lets hold indians accountable right now : we advertise SKIN LIGHTENING CREAM  . i think they finally stopped that earlier this year / due to BLM ( i’m not entirely sure / could be wrong ) , but thats literally how bad it is , that we would openly advertise and encourage people to literally bleach their skin rather than look darker . 

( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR COLORISM AND CLASSISM ) colorism is a BIG thing in india and usually linked to class . generally speaking , the people who are Darker Skinned are usually people who work outside / labourers or homeless even , and are therefore seen as lower class / bottom class . the lighter skin you have , the more privileged and advantaged you are bc ur seen as working a Good job out of the sun and having a home . it’s incredibly classist as well as just generally Fucked Up . why am i telling u this ? mainly so u understand the importance of using a dark skinned indian fc vs a light skinned indian fc which i know is hard , bc a lot of darker skinned indians arent in hollywood / have resources , but its still something to Think About .  

i have a long Ethnic name . literally my first name is 10+ letters , which i know doesnt seem that long Necessarily but its also a Super Ethnic name with e’s and and j and n . it Flows and Sounds very clearly different from a christian name . it is VERY important to me that my name be said Correctly because i’ve spent so much time having it said incorrectly or Westernised . i also know a lot of indians my age who ( like me ) have had to dramatically shorten their REAL first name ( which is usually also pretty long . not always , but it is Common ) , to fit their name into white people’s mouths better . please put some thought into ur indian characters name !

not all indians speak hindi ! hindi is one of MANY dialects within india . there is also tamil , urdu  , bengali , punjabi , telugu and SO many more , so pls research which part of india ur character / their family  is from bc hindi won’t always be the default language for them !

not every indian is hindu ! of course ur character doesnt have to be religious at all , bc if im being honest IM barely religious but my FAMILY is and this is smth u should think abt bc religion is a pretty big thing for indians . so even if ur character isnt hindu , they were probably raised with SOME religious beliefs . have a think about which religions they would have been brought up with ! there’s a very large percentage of practicing muslims , sikhs and buddhists too ! and even christianity !

WRITING WISE / CREATING AN INDIAN CHARACTER WISE :

the first step should be to consume indian media ! listen to indian music . watch bollywood movies ! theres SO MANY  out there on everyone’s netflix . if u want some recs , let me know and i can try my best to find smth for u ! if u want smth thats Hollywood-indian . . . Hasan Minhaj is great to watch , especially his episodes on indian culture / politics , and Never Have I Ever on netflix was rlly good / relatable for me personally as an indian growing up in a western society !

i would really really love to see more indian rep in general , but i’d also like to discuss the Stereotypes that ive seen indians portrayed as in mainstream hollywood media :

indian women as soft spoken and subservient beings who are abused by their husbands and have no say in anything 

heterosexuality within indian relationships and indian dating 

indian men as sleazy 

indians in general not being seen as Sexy or Sexual beings with any sex drive at all 

Stumbling , Stuttering , Nerdy awkward messes of men who don’t know how to interact with anybody they find sexually appealing

an indian character that everybody ( usually white ) finds Uncomfortable and Weird and is seen as usually the Butt of the joke .

 i think those mentioned above could be helpful in how to plan your next indian character and think about how to SUBVERT a trope theyre often portrayed as , or create an indian thats not stereotypical !

so what and who SHOULD you write ? 

an indian character who is proudly and openly gay , or bi 

a trans or nonbinary indian ( PLEASE ! ) 

an indian character with really super accepting parents and family 

an aromantic indian 

an indian who is focused on their career first and not their dating life 

a fuckboy / fuckgirl ( honestly . . i’d love to see it )

a indian character who is a party animal 

an outspoken indian female who takes no shit and is strong in every sense of the word

a confident , smooth talking indian businessman who is Sexy and Lusted After ( not in a gross christian grey way but just . i’d love to see indian characters seen as Sexy . not in a fetishy way , either , but just because it’d be a nice change in pace ! )

a character who IS traditional / religious but also very progressive and forward thinking in their beliefs 

honestly just any character that isnt whats mentioned above

[sunarintoes]

Dear Whovever: [Kenma]

Synopsis: You and Kenma are both best friends and youtube gamers however you want to be more than just best friends so you decide to ‘man up’ one day and write a heart felt confession in a minecraft notebook before then putting it in Kenma’s personal chest.

WC: 3K

TW: slight swearing :)

[Episode one]

[recording in 3… 2… 1… start!] 

“Hey gamers, Kodzuken here with Tulip-but-make-it-yellow! I've done a few Minecraft videos with Tulip before, but thought I'll start a new series that will be posted every Monday.”

“It's called Minedays with Tulip and Kodzu”

“I- no, Tulip. I'm not sure what we’re gonna call it. But you guys will know- obviously since it's the title of this video.”

You whine and pout into the monitor, “Kodzu I think Minedays is a cute name.” 

Instead of replying Kenma rolls his eyes and hits you ingame. “Should we introduce the challenge and get it started?”

“Yeah that's a good idea!” 

“Well, it's about eleven am right now, we have until eleven pm to build a Minecraft house from a random topic,” he pauses and moves to the side to point to a sectioned spinwheel, “on this bad boy,” whacks the spinner, “we have eight different themes, in a sec I’ll spin it and whatever it lands on will be what we have to build.”

You let out a high pitched ‘hmm,’ “I feel bad for Kuroo and Hinata, they’re both going to have to edit twelve hours of footage down to 10 minutes!”

Kenma chuckles, “fifteen minutes actually.”

This time you roll your eyes. “Hurry up and spin it you fool! I want to get buildinggg” 

Smiling, Kenma moves back a bit and spins the wheel, after thirty seconds full of anticipation the wheel finally stops and its small arrow is pointing at- “Yes! Cottage core theme!” you yell out while Kenma groans. 

“Really? That's lame why couldn't we have ‘Lucifer’s Bedroom’?” 

You poke your tongue out to the monitor - which Kenma could see, after all, you are in a Discord call with him. “Don't be sad just because you're prancing in my turf…. Looooooser!”

Kenma playfully glares towards you, “You’re on! See you in twelve hours!”

Unfortunately, the difficulty of building a cottage core house in the woods - in survival mode, proved more difficult than planned. 

“We spawned in a desolate area huh? Barely any flowers!” you hear Kenma make a sound of agreement as you sink into your comfortable ‘gamer’ styled chair. 

“Don't tell me you've given up? Just because you can't find any flowers?” 

You scowl at his cocky tone however your mood does a one-eighty when you suddenly get a good idea. “Ok everyone! I know what I have to do! I'm going to restart in another place because this isn’t working!”

Kenma makes a sound of surprise, “you're restarting? It's been an hour already-”

“Yeah and we have, like... eleven more.” Kenma sighs in response, “better get a move on.”

For the most part, the two of you kept quiet - not wanting to let the other know how well you were doing. However one look at your phone only to see that your twitter has blown up, you decide to take a short break, after all it has been four hours of you sitting on your ass playing Minecraft. Once you open Twitter you're met with a barrage of tags and mentions - all of which screaming ‘KenYn’ and ‘Kodzutulip.’ You felt heat rise to your face, you - yes you, Ln Yn with the online alias Tulip-but-make-it-yellow, has a big, fat, humongous crush on your best friend and fellow youtuber - Kenma, aka Kodzuken aka the cutest guy in the world. To make it worse - or better, you couldn't really tell, was that many of your viewers shipped you with him - as did his viewers. 

You are of course, happy with this but you can’t help but wonder if Kenma feels the same way, does he feel weirded out by all this shipping content? Does he find it uncomfortable? Does he find it unsettling to be shipped with his in-real-life best friend?

“Hey Yn?” Kenma calls softly, “you've been looking at your phone for the past ten minutes and your face looks sad.”

You instantly look up to meet Kenma’s face and try to find the right words to say, “I… I’m just kinda tired and eventually got distracted!! Sorry Kenken!”

Kenma visibly cringes at the old nickname - the one you gave him in primary school, “if you say so… better get your head in the game though - my mansion looks epic.”

Your eyes narrow, “mansion? The theme is cottage core!” Kenma quietly chuckles in response, “a mansion can still have a fairy aesthetic, you should know that”

You huff in faux annoyance as you place your phone away and ‘get your head in the game’ just as he requested. “Be prepared to be crushed! I am the cottage core guardian!”

There are ten minutes left to your’s and Kenma’s excruciatingly long Minecraft challenge, your ass hurts from sitting on it for almost twelve straight hours - including bathroom breaks. When the buzzer rings the two of you step back from your respective buildings and make your way to the starting point - which had been marked by a stack of 20 or so dirt blocks. 

“Well that was twelve hours of eye straining torture,” you say as you stretch your arms. 

“You're tired already?”

“Kinda… I can't wait to go to sleep after this.”

“Weak, I’m playing Battlefield as soon as this is over.”

You roll your eyes and scoff, “this is why you look like a living corpse in the morning…”

Kenma looks you dead in the eyes and with a completely serious face he says, “yeah but you love it.”

You choke on your spit at his boldness, “y-yeah I guess.” 

If you were being honest, you were not the best at reading people and it was dark in Kenma’s gaming room, the only light coming from his three screen/monitor computer setup, but you think you see a light blush creep up to his cheeks. And you hate it, you hate when he says things that make your heart flutter, you hate it when he just sits there and the digital glow accentuates all of his delicate features, but what you hate most is yourself. You hate yourself because you have fallen in love with your best friend, you hate yourself because you know he doesn't like you back and you hate that you continuously give yourself a sense of false hope. 

“Yn… you want to stay up and game with me don’t you? ”

You sheepishly look to the side, ‘mayhaps.’

Kenma sighs looking at you with a soft face as he whispers “then I won’t play Battlefield and I’ll go to bed and so will you, ‘kay?”

You smile tiredly at him, “sounds like a deal.”

“We'll get back on at the same time tomorrow and we’ll do the final part of this video - the reveal. Until then.”

You smile and wave at the camera “cya soon~”

[recording over]

After your call with Kenma ended you got ready for bed but for some reason, no matter how tired you were, you just couldn't fall asleep - your mind was screaming obscene ideas that you couldn't help but contemplate. At first it was just wishful thinking but then came a thought that refused to leave, ‘confess.’ 

It was a tempting thought, but how? Surely you couldn't just say ‘hey Kenma I've liked you since high school lets date!’ yeah no, that was a horrible idea. Maybe if you confessed with some originality he would be more likely to accept but for now, you were going to do your best to go to sleep.

[Episode two]

[recording in 3… 2… 1… start!] 

In the morning you woke up feeling refreshed and excited for the day to come, Kenma had texted you and asked if you were feeling up to recording the reveal from last night and episode two today and of course you said yes. 

The video goes on without any troubles and soon you find yourself staring at the computer screen at eleven once again. 

“Remember to like, subscribe and comment below on who you think won this round.” Kenma’s voice is soothing - if you had to describe it you would say that it is silky like honey and smooth like dark chocolate; or maybe you would just say his voice is perfect. Kenma waves to the screen monitor, “hello? Earth to Yn! Are you dead or something? You look like a zombie.”

It takes a while to register, you weren’t really paying attention to the words he said as you were more interested in the way he sounded. You sit up and smile into the camera, “I'm awake… thanks for caring!”

He scoffs and swivels in his chair a bit, “I don't care about you, you're just my idiot best friend and flatmate.”

You playfully narrow your eyes, “well this idiot flatmate of yours helped you bake apple pie so you wouldn’t starve to death!”

“Hmmm, I guess. Well I'm going to head off. I'll see you later.”

You smile softly, “yeah I'll see you later, i'm just gonna stay on for a while.”

Kenma looks at you with an intrigued expression, “you're going to stay up longer? Better not be in this world, that's cheating. Want me to stay up with you?”

You roll your eyes and giggle, “it's all good I want to fix my house up in the other world. I'll see you tomorrow.”

He sighs, “if you say so.”

[recording over]

Your chair rolls back as you stretch, “maybe I should confess to him through a Minecraft journal…” you jump up. “Thats it! Thats a great way to confess! Its original and Kenma would appreciate it…. If he accepts my feelings that is…” 

You groan and slump back down into the chair, “maybe it’s best if I don't confess at all. No! I've wanted to do this for years! If he doesn't like me back it's all good! Maybe I just won't do this on a stream!”

You reach over to the bench and pull up your phone, “who to call, mmm ok let’s call Alisa I’m going to need some emotional support!”

“Hey gamers, Kodzu here in another Minecraft live stream, today we’re just in mine and Yn’s regular world and i'm going to build a house - a cottage to be specific,” he pauses and looks at the comment section; ‘no Yn isn't here right now, no Yn won't be joining this video, no I didnt know shes streaming at the moment, yes my favourite food is apple pie, yes I have a calico cat, no Yn is not my significant other, yes we are just friends.’ Kenma moves back and takes a breath, “wow you guys sure are interested in Yn huh? Maybe I should get them in more videos, might get more views that way,” he laughs a bit.

“Let's start off by heading to my base, I have the materials I’ll need there- oh uh what's this?” Kenma pauses as he stares at the foreign object, “I don't remember having a written book in my chest… maybe Yn went in here and put it in?”

Kenma stares at the book for a while before he opens it, only to be shocked. The comment section notices the blush on his face and continue to spam him with questions:

[kodzusbabe]: what's in that diary!!

[Kenmastan]: hahAAAHHA LOOK HE’S SO RED IN THE FACE

[piefacecutie]: ^^ omg you're so right @/Kenmastan hes so cute 💓

[Kenmaxyn]: I hope it's a confession!

[ynhater]: @/Kenmaxyn from who? Cause I didn't do it and I'd be the only one for Kenma oppAr

[kennismaken]: I hope it’s Yn! They’d be such a cute couple

[applepudding]: umm? Kodzu! Why did he get up and leave??

[ynhater]: babe come back!

[Kenmaxyn]: OMG MAYBE IT WAS YN !!!!

After your late night call with Alisa, you decided it would be best to just do it and then ignore Kenma for the day - well, not ignore him per se, just simply decline all his Discord calls and Facetime calls so you could put off being rejected a little while longer. You woke up with a throbbing headache that you could only blame yourself for, after all you are the dumbass who stayed up until God knows when just to write a heartfelt confession. Eventually the angst of waiting for a message from Kenma overwhelmed you and here you are now; streaming Overwatch to get your mind off of a certain someone.

“Ah no! Cant believe that stupid Hanzo got me! What a pain!” you frown at the screen and let out a sigh, “the round is over… bummer. Well while we wait an eternity for the next round I guess I should answer some of your questions… oh? I didn't know Kenma was streaming, no I’m not dating him… “ you feel your heart sink as you read the next comment; “what do you mean Kenma ran away after reading a book? Was he unhappy?”

The next moments felt like a blur, your heart was heavy and you felt tears well up in your eyes and somehow you missed the sound of someone breaking into your apartment and then your bedroom. Within a second you feel someone wrap their arms around you from behind, your body tenses up but immediately relaxes when you recognise the perpetrators scent; sweet yet salty, like caramel toffee.

“Kenma! W-what are you doing?”

“I like you too… I have for so long.”

Your eyes widen and it doesn't take too long for a smile to appear on your face, “I'm so glad to hear that.”

You feel him smile into your neck as his embrace tightens, “finish up your livestream so we can talk please.” 

“You don't need to tell me twice!”

It is eleven at night once again, but this time you’re not sitting alone in your gaming chair, instead you're sitting on Kenma’s lap - in his gaming chair as he slowly runs his hands through your hair and softly kisses your neck.

“So everyone’s pretty much freaking out over us huh?” you hum in response, “we’ve been officially together for what? Five hours?”

“Correct you are.”

You smile and hold up your phone while you continue to cuddle into him, “smile baby, I want the whole world to know that you're my player two.”

[Bonus - the love letter]

Dear Kenma,

This must be so strange - finding a journal in your chest. 

I have wanted to tell you this for quite a while and I guess I have never found the write words to say; or the right way to for that matter,

But I love you

I have loved you since our first year at Nekoma

It's been a while hasn’t it?

I'm sorry if this inconveniences you, makes you uncomfortable or makes you never want to see me again; 

Just let me continue for a little while longer because I need to get this off of my mind.

I love your smile - especially the rare one where you really smile, where your eyes crinkle and your cheeks begin to hurt 

I love your voice - it’s smooth and silky, like honey being spread across bread

I love your scent - it reminds me of salted caramel,  I can never get enough 

I love your mind - the way it works to make me laugh, make me calm and all else

I love your lips - not necessarily in a sexual way, but more so in the way you talk and speak, they move softly and slowly in a way only your lips could move in.

I love your body - how although you're hunched most of the time you still possess a fine elegance in the way you move. How at times it reminds me of a graceful swan floating down a lake. 

I love your hands - they are so pretty and dainty and soft, I want to hold them all day and all night

And most of all;

I love you

I love you in your entire

I could go ahead and pick the parts I love most and least but then you would no longer be you

I love you in your entire

Flaws and all

I know this may not be the most romantic, especially considering you’re reading this through Minecraft and I've never done this before but I had to let you know

Love 

Yn

Taglist: [open] @ladyrenart

note: sooo this is another style that i tried and i have mixed feelings about it :) also if you can’t tell,,, i’ve never written a love letter before :’)

[tittty-bitty]

Nemuri struts from store to store like an empress gracing her presence on her citizens. Really it was businesses being graced with one of her clients limitless creditcards and her impulse shopping. Who ever invented financial domination was a mastermind.

“Come along darling! Just a few more shops then we can be done!”

“You know Miss Midnight, when you said you needed help with extra curriculars, I didnt think it would make me a pack mule for your personal spending habits.”

“Your still a pillar of peace! It’s just now you have a metal hook for me to hang my shopping bags on.”

She looked over her shoulder to see Yagi struggling with the shopping bags. Yagi isn’t weak by any means, even with out his quirk. She’s seen him spar with Shota plenty of times. Which is totally just two coworkers sparring for exercise Shota claimed, with no sexual tension at all thank you very much. But any one would struggle with that many bags, especially a man with only one lung.

They manage to make it into Gucci with out any lungs popping. Yagi sprawls on one of the ottomans with a poof and start to rub his wrists. She starts to look at the purses and leather belts. Not even glancing at the price tag before adding them to her haul. When she goes back to the waiting section she glances at Yagi. Who is scrolling away on his smartphone. Despite losing over 200 pounds of muscle, he was still an attractive man. Sharp cheek bones, piercing eyes, and such a sweet smile. His handsome features multipled when he gained more confidence in this form. Everyone could see after the truth was out about Allmight that he wasn’t comfortable in his true form. Scared to talk to other adults, skiddish and horrifically terrified of making mistakes. Not including how he obviously avoided reflections and wore only baggy outfits. But a year after his retirement and him making friendships with his colleges at UA, he finally started accepting himself and it’s amazing on the amount of progress he’s had. She’s so proud of her coworkers, especially her boys to make Allmight’s retirement less lonely. Even if one is especially passionate with the task but wants to be an edgy teenager about it.

Despite the progress the man made, he still didn’t know how to dress himself for shit. He may of got himself a few outfits that arnt 5X but he still loves to drown in his clothing. If she has to be assaulted with that damn yellow suit one more year she’s going to ask young Todoroki to set it on fire for extra credit.

If only he would wear clothes that actually fit him. Show off his long neck, his collar bones, long legs narrow waist, she could go on and on about why Yagi needs a new wardrobe. She needed to show the world how Yagi is still a fine ass man. She has checked him out countless times to be confident with that claim. There was one day where he had to actually put on pants that fit him way too well after a coffee spill and had to borrow some pants from mic. She doesn’t understand how a man so skinny could still have an ass. Nothing to go over the moon about but it was so cute, so perky for a man his age. It almost distracted her from the front, his buldge which is probably the one thing that stayed the same from his Allmight form. It was extremely hard to maintain eye contact with him that day. Not that she was complaining about the eye candy, the yellow sleeping bag that pretended to sleep on the floor didn’t seem to mind either.

While thinking about the potential of jokes about Yagi’s pillar of peace to bring up in front of Shota later, Nemuri comes across a sweater. The sweater was a high quality wool, cream colored with some green trim on the collar that goes down to a v. It would be perfect for his form, a little snug but still covered everything to start him off slow. The arms a little long for the average person but perfect for his long arms. The bottom might come up a little short though. Showing off his midriff when he reached up. Potentially showing a nice v of his hips, maybe even a nice little trail of blond that dips into his pants. Oh the thought of sweet little Yagi in a crop top is intoxicating. But baby steps. She needed him to trust her with fashion first before she tries anything to scandalous.

He was still reading on his phone when Nemuri grabs the tall man by the wrist and yanks him out of his seat. With a cute little yelp he is brought up to his feet and shoved into a changing room with the sweater being thrown at him.

“Your not coming out till you put this on.” Nemuri says as she chucks over some black jeans to go with it.

After watching awkward arms reach above the door and listening to the general struggle of a man menuvering in a changing room that doesn’t accommodate him, he steps out. His black blue eyes shine in contrast with the creme color of the sweater. Giving off a sweet older man who waters flowers in the community garden than his usual look of a man who got lost in a deflated blimp.

“Oh my god honey you look so sweet.”

He checks himself in a mirror and twists to see the back. She could see his ribs poking through the fabric wile it rides up his toned stomach not as much as she hoped unfortunately. But the fitting pants made up for it. Although they don’t show off his front for the sake of the students and people who actually want to get work done in the teachers lounge, it still shows off that cute little ass of his, and that’s all she can ask for.

Yagi actually holds his attention to his reflection of the mirror. Giving the look an actual chance. From the relaxed look in his eyes, he might actually like it.

“I never thought I would wear a wool sweater like this again. I forgot how warm and comforting they are.”

Nemuri comes up in front of him and adjusts the collar for him, opening it up a bit so his collar bones peek out a little. “I can’t imagine the amount of sheep needed to make a sweater for Allmight.”

He chuckles at the comment and how her nails tickle his chest, now used to her touchy nature. “It was in high school. My mentor forced them on me when she found out that my foster home didn’t try too hard to find winter clothes that fit me.”

He rubs the end of the sleeve to feel the texture, smiling slightly, reminiscing the memories he had with her when wearing the sweaters. It was always interesting to hear about his life when he was young. He was usually guarded when it came to anything about himself before his hero days, so to hear any little tidbit about him was to be met with a neutral yet encouraging reaction.

“Well I’ll be sure to make her proud by making sure that your fabric needs are taken care of.” Nemuri says while coming around behind him and placing her hands on his shoulders, admiring his smile in the mirror. “And I can make sure she rests peacefully by getting rid of that ugly yellow suit.”

He looks up from his sleeve. “Hey! I love that yellow suit!”

“You look like the noodle balloons that are outside of a car dealership. Im no longer letting my dear friend to walk around looking like a mustard bottle.”

Yagi takes the light roast with little grace with a small groan. He looks down at his wrist to look at the tag. He reads it with a puzzled look.

“I think we need to call an associate. I think they’re missing a decimal on the price-“

“Alright! Time to head out! I’ll meet you outside the store!” She shoves the bags in his hands, rip the tags off his wrist and waist and hurries to the counter.

“Ah. I can pay for my own clothes-“

“Nope! This is my treat! You can pay me back by meeting me at the car!”

Yagi looks at the minimum of 20 bags in his hands and accepts his fate. Trudging his way back to the car with the mini fortune in toll.

———

“Alright come on this is our last shop.”

“Ya no. I think I’ll wait in the car.”

“Dont worry, this place is very professional and no one will mention you being here. They are very strict about privacy. Also it will stop random men from asking me out.”

Yagi goes over the definition of professional in his head as he walks into a sex shop named “The Bimbo’s Boneyard”. It was suprisingly sleek inside despite the name. Defiantly one of the more higher end sex stores he’s been to. It was similar to a tech store with all the LED lights and plexiglass display boxes. It would be less weird if some of them didn’t have sex dolls that were determined to stare him down.

He decided to walk away from the display, trying to find something to look at with out actually looking at anything. His eyes catch a box with a cute little cat on it. He smirks a little. It reminds him of the stray cat that lives in the brush that’s on the way to campus from the dorms. He would give it pets every morning and eventually leave cans of food every morning. One morning he found a hunched black blob taking a nap on the grass. He was about to ask the obvious homeless man if he wanted his bento when he realized it was his coworker Aizawa. Sleeping on the cold ground at 5:30 in the morning with a cat that, while a sweet heart, was probably ridden with fleas.

“Excuse me sir, the food bank is on the other side of town.”

“I know but they were offering a cash prize for who ever found the dementia patient that ran away from his nursing home. Looks like I just found him.”

He chuckled at the memory. When their odd friendship really started to bloom. Not only with Aizawa, who while he was probably the closest too, took the longest compared to his other coworkers. He loved talking to Mic about classic American rock and fighting with him on how Nikki is so much better than Cardi. He loved trading tea with Thirteen as they go on about a new show Yagi has no clue what their talking about, but loves the passion. And Nemuri, who took pity on him the first day and decided to spoil him with attention and gifts that mostly ranged from sugar free candys and cute pens. It makes him feel like a toddler more than anything, but he thinks it’s sweet. He just never expected to have so many friends after Allmight was gone. He half thought if Nighteyes prediction didn’t kill him, then his loneliness will.

“My my my, I must say I’m surprised.”

Toshinori shook out of his self reflection and looked at his friend.

“I had my theories but I must say I never expected pet play from you. To think I thought you were just a vanilla cradle robber.”

He flushed with shock in confusion. Only to find that the box with the cat he was staring at for the past 2 minutes was for a bundle for a cat headband, a leash, mouth gag, and plug tail.

Absolutely horrified Yagi stammers to regain his reputation of role model rather than creepy old man. “Shit! No! No! I was just looking at the cute cat!”

“There’s no need to be ashamed, I am a professional after all. If you ever want to talk about that kind of stuff with me, I’m always open for questions.” She assured him calmly. “I’m gonna go to the check out if you want to look at the other options. I will say that you would look a lot better with the black ears.” She struts off with a few leather tools and some weird egg looking balls.

“There’s nothing for me to fucking look at because I’m not interested in that! Wait.. WHAT DO YOU MEAN CRADLE ROBBER?” He stomps off to catch up with her.

————

The staff Christmas party is filled with decorations, overworked teachers and spiked eggnog. Coworkers chatting and playing games as the snow falls outside. Yagi is chatting with Aizawa about how much Nezu is going to lose in poker after he demands people play with him. He takes a sip of his sugar free hot cocoa, very glad that his friends get a well deserved break.

“Merry Christmas Yagi!” Thirteen shouted as they shove a fancy bag in his face.

“Oh thank you Thirteen! I hope you didn’t spend too much on me.

“Oh no it wasn’t me!” Thirteen corrected. “Midnight was your secret Santa. She said she’s a little too tipsy to walk in her heels right now and asked me to give it to you.”

He looks past the smaller teacher and sees Nemuri in a tight red dress and tall stilettos. Giving him a wink when she notices him receiving her present.

He smiles and waves back at her. He pulls out the first item from the bag. An expensive looking cologne. He brings it up to his nose and gets notes of Cuban cigars and vannila. He sees a little tag attached to the bottle. With lovely cursive script it read “Garenteed to even get the angriest cats purr~”

He reads the tag as he hands the cologne to Aizawa. Shota sniffs the bottle and his eyes roll back a little bit. Obviously enjoying the scent.

“Wow she picked out something that matches your pretentious persona.”

“Maybe you can ask her to pick out some bar soap that you desperately need.” Yagi rebuttles without even looking up. Still trying to figure out what the tag ment.

“Is there something else in there? If not that’s a heavy bottle.” Thirteen comments before being passed the cologne to take a sniff.

Oh ya, maybe look at the rest of the gift before over analyzing the card. He opens the bag wider and is smacked in the face with realization on what the message ment. His blush going to his ears as he looked at the “Kinky Kat Play” bundle that he repressed from his memory. He looks up at Nemuri with shock as he finds her staring at him. Raising her glass with a smirk as she turns back to her pile of chips and angry, losing boss.

He shuts the bag quickly before Thirteen and Aizawa gets a chance to peek. “Ahhh ah. It’s a very personal gift that I don’t want everyone to know about.”

“Alright I understand.” Shota replies. He turns to Thirteen. “Thirteen get your hand vacuum ready.” The nosy prick demands as he lunges for the bag. Thank god for these stupidly long arms as he gets the bag out of Shota’s reach.

“It’s none of your fucking buisness you asshole!” Yagi cries as he goes on his toes as Shota climes him like a tree. Thirteen is giggling at their weird friendship while not helping anyone. Yagi would rather die than have the present be shown to his coworkers and worst of all Shota, who would NEVER let this go.

While he hates to do it, he’s desperate, and it has to be done.

The sickly man expands his diaphragm in such a way where when he coughs, he gets enough blood out of his mouth to put on a show. He makes a display of coughing and catching his breath. Blood covering his hand and dripping out of his mouth. He goes a little too far by making his hand shake but he needed extra sympathy points.

It seems to do the job as Thirteen rushes to his side to support him. “Shota you know you can’t be to rough with him.”

Aizawa stares at both of them in disbelief, then back at Yagi. “You are not seriously trying to play the sick old man card right now.”

Thirteen loops Yagi’s arm around their shoulders.“Shota you were to rough on him. The man has no stomach and only one lung. You should know better as a professional.”

“A professional knows when someone is faking when said person has no problem taking and dealing punches while sparring, but suddenly can’t handle a few grabs.” He cannot believe Yagi is trying to make an escape route by making Aizawa look like the asshole that beats up sick old men.

“You don’t need to defend me Thirteen.” Yagi says, adding a little tremble to his voice. “He just can’t handle losing to an old man. Could we go to the office? My nebulizer is in there.” The asshole making sure to add some pity coughs at the end.

“Of course Yagi.”

Shota stares openly in shock on what happening in front of him. Not only at Yagi’s pathetic stunt over something stupid, but Thirteens naiveté.

“A nebulizer treats asthma! Not bleeding lung asshole!” Shota shouts like an absolute child.

As he watches the duo walk, no sorry, LIMP to the office, he sees Yagi readjust his arm. To give an undeniable middle finger to Shota behind Thirteens head. The shameless bastard smiling back at him.

[ankhisms]

the always wonderful shelley @shanheling tagged me to do this thank u so much!! i think that everyone i wanted to tag has already been tagged to do this but if you feel like doing this feel free to consider urself tagged by me!! im putting this under a readmore bc its long and i ramble a lot

the piece i was tagged to explain my process on is this oc piece! unfortunately i have a habit of deleting my original clip studio file once ive finished my art and saved it as a new png file, so i dont have the file to show the sketch and different stages of this piece. but I still can go through my general process and talk about how i did that piece!

1. planning

honestly i think about the art that i want to do a lot, and in this last year or so ive thought about the art i want to do more than ive been able to actually create and finish that art that i want to do. for my planning i tend to do a lot of different thumbnail sketches for the art im thinking of

these are some examples of thumbnails, a lot of times ill do thumbnails just on pencil and paper and with some of these theyre done quickly with my fingers on my phone note function on a day where i was feeling too bad to get up and draw on paper but still wanted to get the thumbnail ideas down. two of these are for the same songxiao piece that i still havent finished and i have more thumbnails digitally on clip studio for the same piece, i do a lot more thumbnails when a piece isnt working the way i want it to and theres times where ill completely scratch a thumbnail or a sketch and start over in order to do more thumbnails because i dont feel happy with some aspect of it.

two of these are small gouche painting thumbnails for two pieces i did maybe a month or so ago, i did the thumbnails and then tried to expand on them digitally and im wanting to do more thumbnail paintings like this in the future because it was fun

for the piece of my oc trio it was based off a series of ask prompts i got for a few different outfit prompt memes i had reblogged, so i based their outfits on the ones in the meme. when im drawing figures i tend to try and get the movement down in the poses when im sketching, i do several rough sketches of the pose before beginning to start setting down lines (if im doing lineart at all because sometimes i dont like doing lineart and do a more lineless painting kind of style). i really try to get my art to convey some kind of emotion, in the oc piece i wanted it to feel fun and like youre seeing three best friends while theyre out on the town having a fun night

2. creating

this is the only real example i have of a piece in the middle of being filled in and created, this piece is one that im really not very happy with & have had lying around for a while and ill probably scrap it and try to come at it from a different perspective at some point. but anyway it still shows what i do, i lay down a kind of neutral gray color underneath my final sketch/lineart if im doing lineart in that piece and then i start picking out the colors that i want for the piece and kind of setting out a pallette for myself. i dont do this color pallette thing 100% of the time but i do it really often, especially if im working on a commission or a larger piece where i know theres going to be a lot of colors or if its a piece where im not sure exactly what color scheme i want so laying out the colors together helps me kind of decide what kind of scheme i want. i am sooooo picky about my colors in my art i am genuinely obsessed with colors in art and there are times where i really have to stop myself from working on something forever just constantly adding more colors or putting little tiny changes and gradients in the colors.

after ive got the colors i want down i tend to try and block out parts of the piece with the base color for that section, and then i start to paint with the colors that i want to go on top of that base color from there.

once im satisfied with the colors/shading/rendering and everything ill go back and look over things and will fix things that look off or sometimes completely redo segments if they dont look right to me. when i was younger and mainly doing digital art using my phone and my fingers i would use a lot of filters and overlays on top of my art once i was done, and honestly im glad to not be doing that anymore because i dont think it made my art look any better. i do color adjustments and sometimes will put on a color overlay or a layer to emphasize the shadows and the light in the piece, but i try to keep those layers to a minimum and like i said before i have a tendency to obsess over the colors and ill spend a good amount of time in the color adjustment tool of clip studio and then ill just decide "actually it looks fine as it is" so yeah!

3. posting

i feel like i dont have a lot to say here gbfm i mean i honestly have a lot of thoughts about the relationship between artists and social media and how social media changes our views on art including our own art and how we can feel like we constantly need to be posting new art and just become content machines churning out new stuff. but ill save that rant for another time. i used to be really concerned about how many notes my art would get when i was younger, and i dont at all blame anyone who still is very concerned about that bc it sucks when u work hard on something youve created and then you dont get a lot of recognition for it, but honestly within the last two years or so i feel like ive begun to have a lot healthier relationship with posting my art. i really just post my art on my art blog, reblog it to my main blog, and then thats that yknow! i do really appreciate any and all support people give me, it means the world to me, but for me having the mentality where i dont need to post all the art i make and i dont need to be posting every day or every week or every month even has been a lot healthier for me because then im not constantly asking myself why didnt this get notes is my art awful??? and yeah i just kind of post it and my brain goes okay were done with that art we gotta make more

ive honestly been struggling a lot with art thru the pandemic and if youre reading this and have been struggling with creating in any way recently or even before the pandemic, please know theres no shame in having trouble creating and it doesnt make you bad at whatever it is u create!

thank you for reading this, feel free to consider urself tagged by me again if u want to do this!! love u all

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Farmer Au (Pt.1)

-------------------------

Virgil Sardonyx was absolutely not meant for the city, but he never seemed to show any desire to leave it.

"Virgil I'm just saying, you could use some time away from all this chaos," said his parents, leaning against separate sections of the doorway to his room.

"Mom, Dad, I'm fine, I dont mind staying inside all summer you know that," Virgil said, turning in his chair and taking one side of his headphones off his ear.

"But it's not good for you, that's the problem," said his father. His mother nodded in agreement.

"Well what are you gonna do with me then?" Virgil asked, a slight smirk on his face.

"We're sending you to your Uncle Patton's farm, he and your Uncle Remy both agree that its what's best for you, you havent been outside in years," his mother said. Virgil took a while to process the words, and by the time he had, the bags were already half packed.

"But- I cant go to a farm! Theres all this- stuff!" Virgil said, just thinking about hay bales and the smell of the stalls made his skin crawl. He wouldnt have minded, not at all, but the textures and the smells and the constant animal chattering just, wasnt his favorite thing, he'd gotten used to the sounds of the city, but this was something else entirely.

"Your uncles have taken that into account, and I'm sure your cousin Logan will be more than happy to help you out, you have your noise cancelling headphones and the new pair of gloves we got you just in case," his mother said, smiling. Virgil still wasnt sure he liked this new idea.

It was about half past six when he finally boarded the train to his uncles' farm. He had his headphones tightly pressed around his ears, music blaring so loud the sounds echoed throughout his head. His phone pinged, a message from his cousin.

Logan: Are you on your way here yet?

Virgil: yeah shouldnt be to long I just boarded the train a little while ago

Logan: Good, I look forward to seeing you, dad is very excited, he's been baking since he found out, you'll have a lot of options for food when you get here.

Virgil: wow, all that for me huh

Logan: Yeah, that's dad for you.

Virgil smiled at his phone, he still wasnt excited to be leaving the comfort of familiarity, but at least he knew they were trying to make it more comfortable for him.

It was another two hours before he reached the farm. His feet hit the ground and the smell of wheat and various animals reached his nostrils almost immediately.

"What's up Vi, good seeing you again," Virgil heard his Uncle Remy's voice before he felt his hand on his shoulder. He turned and gave him a slight nod and a smile.

"You to Uncle Remy," he said, quietly.

"Oh cmon Vi, you can just call me Remy," Remy said with a laugh.

Remy walked with him to the house, explaining everything about the farm from what he'd be doing to where everything was. Luckily for Virgil, his chore list seemed to include mainly feeding the animals, egg collection, and general horse related nonsense.

"Virgil!!!" Virgil heard Patton's voice and braced himself for the impact, his uncle's arms wrapping around him like a boa constrictor.

"Hey Pat-" Virgil said, trying to squeeze air into his lungs.

"Dad, relax on the hugs," Logan said, walking in with a a glass of water.

"Oh! Right! Sorry kiddo, oh! that's right! diner's ready!" Patton said, relaxing his grip on Virgil and guiding him into the dining room.

They ate dinner and discussed how everyones school year had been, what Virgil had been up to since they'd last seen him, and then headed off to bed.

The next morning Virgil woke up not to the sound of the usual rooster crows, but to Logan nudging him up.

"Good morning Virgil, you ready for your first day?" he said. Virgil nodded. The two got dressed, Logan in what seemed to be a more practical headband, t-shirt and jacket, jeans, and boots. Virgil on the other hand, didnt have much other than an MCR t-shirt, black and purple hoodie, ripped jeans, and black boots.

"You'll be getting assistance from our farmhand Roman," said Logan, walking with him to the stables.

Virgil hadnt been sure what to expect from Roman, but the man who approached him was much more attractive than the image his mind had produced.

"Roman Adonis, nice to meet you," Roman said, a cocky smile gracing his face as he held a hand out for Virgil. Virgil shook it and walked off with him to start the days chores. He looked back at Logan, who's expression was that of a man who'd been planning something devious for a very long time. But Virgil didnt seem to care, maybe spending three months on the farm wasnt going to be as bad as expected.

----------------------------------------------

Tag List:

@official-lucifers-child

@oceanart123

@youtuberswithalex

@spooky-scary-virgil

@misunderstoodshadowling

@starry-knight-skies

@dragonwithproblems

@alittletoo-extra

[my-brothers-corrupted]

My Brothers, Corrupted

Chapter Three : Section Six : Old Friends

Chapter One l Chapter Two l Chapter Three

Red is beginning to crumple under the pressure he puts on himself to take care of Dapper and the stress of being away from his siblings and Anti, but a new sliver of hope arrives in the form of someone who remembers his name. While Doktor has a breakthrough about the way he thinks of himself and his family, Trick is only being drawn closer to Anti as the days go by.

Trigger warnings in this chapter for serious discussions about abusive relationships, emotional manipulation, meltdown/panic attack, vomit, and police chase, including gunshot and injury warnings. Jackie’s meltdown in particular is very intense, so please be careful.

Section Six of Chapter Three: Old Friends

spicydanhowell asked: personally, i'd like to stay here and chat with him, red

The door and the handcuff on it jingle softly as Red returns, unlocking his makeshift cage and pushing into the door, his eyes low and tired and ashamed.

He’s dripping wet and his sweater stinks like filthy pollution rain. He throws it off as soon as he’s in the door and gives a long, deep sigh.

“Dap, how are you - oh.”

His little brother is asleep. Red gives up the ghost and shucks off the rest of his clothes, leaving him in his boxers. Wet fabric is horrible, horrible, horrible against his skin. He sits down on the end of Dapper’s bed and strokes his hair for a second, checking for life in him.

“Chat with him, huh?” mumbles Red. “Talk about something good?”

He’s distant and thoughtful, chewing on a hangnail, a couple bags at his side.

Anonymous asked: Red, the magicians have specifically said that they understand that you have killed the other but are willing to provide refuge for you to protect you. They only want to keep you safe, not letting past events get in the way of this

“Ah,” sighs Red. “Well, that’s… nice of them.”

He stares at the floor.

“Sorry… I know you want to help. I just can’t stop thinking about that house… and how everything was perfect. And it’s like even if I could get away from Anti…”

He laughs to himself, shaking his head, rolling his eyes, rubbing rainwater from his soaked face.

“I can’t get that back. I don’t know what it is to be actually happy anymore.”

He’s silent for a long moment, those faraway eyes fixed on the wall.

“Saw someone today,” he mumbles. “He reminded me of…. someone. But I didn’t know who. Someone important. But I couldn’t remember.”

Anonymous asked: Red, do you actually want to go back to Anti? After everything you saw when you went back in time? I don’t think you want Anti, I think he’s the only thing you’re used to and that’s why you want to go back. You want to go back to what was normal. Which is perfectly fine, but you know it’s going to be bad if you do Red. It’s never going to get better. You wanted to get better, right? If you go back to the environment that Anti built for you you’ll fall back in line again and everything you (1/?)

Red’s mouth starts trembling by about the third line, and by the time he gets to the end of the message, he’s holding his cold bare shoulders and rocking a little, deep, mourning sighs falling out of his mouth as he tries not to cry again. He cries so much lately. He’s just sad, he doesn’t mean to.

What if the only reason he wants to go back to Anti really is that it’s the only thing he knows? Is that why seeing the house changed everything for him?

“No, no,” he groans, rubbing at his face. “I… I’m supposed to be with Anti. We all are. He’s what makes us all who we are. And I - I’m big brother, that’s what I am, I’m Anti’s. If I’m not that, then…”

He clutches at his shoulders, gritting his teeth.

“I can’t start wanting this,” he hisses. “I can’t! It would make it too hard to go back to him. And I have to. I have to see the others again. I have to go back to that. It’s where I’m supposed to be. He told me…”

A moment passes. Dapper’s clock ticks.

“How would I even get away from him if I wanted to?”

Anonymous asked: You were big brother long before Anti had you.

Red’s mouth tightens with the guilt of it.

“Not a good one, then.”

He glances over at Dapper, underfed and pale, hungry and hallucinating on the shittiest motel mattress in the world, bed bugs eating away at him, old scars patterning his chest like latticework.

“If Anti really is bad,” he says slowly. “And he tricked us… I let them all be tricked. I didn’t protect them. Did I? Even now, I can’t take care of him.”

He glances at his gatherings from the day. He wanted to get rice or ramen, but they have no boiling water anyway. He has a Subway sandwich he got out of the trash and some expired bread he bought. But he didn’t steal anything. He knows the cops will be closing in and he’s afraid.

“I need help,” he says. “I need help. I can’t do this anymore.”

Anonymous asked: *softly* Red, if Anti was right outside that door would you open it? After everything you’ve learned? Would you let him back in your life because you’re scared or because you love him?

Red grits his teeth tight in his mouth, a flush of fear coming to his face.

“Look, I just… I can’t live without Anti. I’ll go to prison. I could starve. Dapper could die, sick as he is. Yes, I’d open it. I have to.”

He rubs at his face and then laughs, cold in the little room.

“Anyway… Anti doesn’t knock.”

Anonymous asked: It’s okay, Red, we can help. The magicians can help if you’re willing. Although we need to talk to them first before we can give you anymore information.

“Scared of magicians,” mumbles Ro. “I just want to go back to that house.”

Anonymous asked: hey, magicians!! dok!!! JJ and red!!!!! there’s been a fuck up!!!! stay the fuck away from the church okay!!! anti knows, you gotta get the fuck outta there

Rojo blinks, staring at you.

“Whoa, whoa, hold on - Anti knows where we are? Is he coming to get us?”

He looks back at Dapper again, a light coming on in his eyes.

“He has medicine and food and stuff? Where? The church?”

—————————————–

You find Dok walking stiffly down one of the yellow corridors with Genesis and JP talking calmly to him, leading him onward, out of his room. At the beeping of the message, Genesis flicks out her phone.

“Oh, no,” she says, her face falling.

“What?” asks JP.

Genesis turns and looks at them, putting a hand on Dok’s shoulder. He’s holding his favorite book in one hand, apparently for comfort. The Bridge of San Luis Rey. By Thornton Wilder. Set in Lima, Peru. Trick bought it for him in Norway. He knows the whole thing by heart.

“Let’s go sit down with the others and talk about it,” she says. “We all need some breakfast, huh, Wilder?”

bupine asked: heyyy, magicians. i'll cut right to the chase. i accidentally kinda gave the demon the location of the place you planned to meet red and dapper. i was giving the location to blue and trick, because trick seemed to be coming around to the idea of running away from anti and i wanted to help get them all together again. but trick was anti in disguise, and i didnt know until it was too late. i think he's coming to where you are. i'm so sorry, i really didn't know!

The magicians are having the same breakfast they always do - cheap, warm rolls with butter, cheese, ham, and apricot jam. Coffee, water, apples, and plates and silverware coat the white tablecloth of the long table, and by the time Genesis sits down, you are a part of the chatter and bustle of all of it. The three children you saw earlier are fighting over the last piece of cheese on their side of the table, Juana and Nina chat gently, JP wheels into place too hard and makes the whole table shake, and Genesis punches Hermann’s shoulder as she sits down beside him, making him laugh. The Old Man is sitting beside Emmanuela on the other end of the table and his eyes narrow coldly at Dok.

“Want to sit here, Wilder?” asks Hermann, patting his other side, and Dok slinks slowly down, ashen. Hermann passes him food and coffee to keep him distracted and begins chattering about his book to keep the conversation light.

“Actually,” Genesis cuts him off, her voice low with disappointment. “I, uh. Think there’s something everybody needs to know. Emmanuela?”

Emmanuela glances at you and pulls out her own phone, checking the system. For just a second, she closes her eyes, but then she has put the phone down again, and her face is calm.

“Well,” she says. “The more people know a secret, the more difficult it is to keep.”

“What?” asks Dok, frowning. “What is it?”

“We had told your brothers they could meet us at a place in town if they wanted to,” says Hermann. “But now it looks like the monster found out.”

Dok drops his knife.

hollenka99 asked: The church is going to be compromised. Anti has been reading some of our messages and discovered the plan. Is there anywhere else you could pick up the two brothers who are still on the continent if they wanted to come?

“I’d drive to get someone,” offers JP.

“No,” says Emmanuela. “You must continue searching for a way to help the sick magician.”

“No point,” scoffs the Old Man, smearing jam over his roll. He chooses to speak in Spanish and your translation software buzzes back to life. Dok shrinks away from his gaze. “I’ve told you already, magic that is stolen like that cannot return the same way it went out. A part of him is missing; he will be crippled for the rest of his life.”

“There might be other ways to return his strength or his magic to him,” insists JP, frowning. “Or even just to ease his pain.”

“I’ll go,” says Nina.

“You’ll risk nothing with the baby in your stomach. It’s pointless anyway, they’d have to be in Peru, in our jurisdiction. Some of our surrounding neighbors were not so amicable to the idea of us taking in those who helped the monster burn part of the forest down and kill more than one magician that night. If they are not in Peru and not willing to come back to us, we can’t help. And now, Peru might not be safe…”

She looks over at Doktor. His fists are bunched tightly in his white coat. He stares at his butter.

“You can’t move him,” says Nina, in Spanish too. “He hasn’t even adjusted to this place yet. He barely trusts us, let alone other magicians who might be angry at him for what the monster did to the jungle. His anxiety is too high even as it is and I don’t trust anyone else to look after him. He has to stay here, Mama.”

Anonymous asked: Red if you go back to Anti you will never make it to that house again. The magicians can help you, really, they’ve promised not to hurt any of you and they’d give you space and freedom that you’ve never had before. It’ll be the closest thing to “that house” at this moment. I know it’s scary but I promise they are good people with an abundance of compassion.

“Well,” sighs Red, rubbing the back of his neck. “Doesn’t sound like that’s an option now anyway.”

Just about starved, he reaches for the wrapped up sandwich and begins to pull the paper off, hoping to find that it isn’t gross from the trash. Luckily it was wrapped up tight and it looks fine, just badly burnt on one side, which is probably why it got chucked.

“Ugh, tuna,” he grumbles, but he isn’t really in a position to complain. He pulls off his half of the sandwich and begins to eat, and a moment later, there is a small white hand sneaking towards the other half of it.

Red can’t help but laugh. “You can take it, it’s for you.”

But Dapper doesn’t smile back at him even as he takes the sandwich and grabs it to his chest, glaring around the room, his face twitching badly, his eyes constantly flickering up to the lights. Up, up, up.

“Something up there?” asks Red, trying to be gentle.

“Locked me in my room,” growl Dapper’s hands. “Angry.”

“Alright,” grumbles Red, turning away from him before he can get pissed. Dapper gives a little gasp as something grabs his ankle, but when he pulls his foot out of the blankets, there’s nothing there. He stares sorrowfully down at his tuna and clicks for attention.

“What?”

“Maggots!”

Red looks at his sandwich.

“No, there aren’t. It’s tuna. You’re seeing things. Please eat it. You need to get some strength back.”

Dapper gags and sets it down, watching the meat writhe. Red sighs.

cest-mellow asked: magicians, when this gets to you, anti knows about the church and he knows you guys are in lima still

“He knows where I am,” mumbles Dok, barely loud enough for anyone to hear him, clutching at his coat. “He knows I’m here, he’ll come get me.”

He chew on his lip for a second, his eyes foggy with the shock of it.

“Santo Domingo,” he mumbles to himself, holding his book tight to his chest.

Anonymous asked: Hey dok how are you handling things right now?

He is not going to cry at the breakfast table. He is not going to cry in front of strangers. He is gripping his coffee cup very tight.

“I want,” he says, with a strong voice but weak air. “To see Trick again.”

Emmanuela nods at Hermann, who leaves your view for a moment and comes back with a tray. Genesis starts loading Dok’s breakfast onto it and Dok is grateful for the permission to flee, even if he only got here a minute ago. Before they have everything ready for him, he has already run away, back to his room, where he always stays.

Nina gets to her feet. Everyone looks at her.

“What?” she says. “He’s already freaked out. Might as well go ahead and do that check-up I’ve been thinking about.”

“Oh, Nina, be gentle with him,” groans Hermann.

“Being gentle is all well and good for a while,” she says, following after him. “But sometimes if you want to set a bone back in place, you have to shove real hard.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Magicos, please be cautious with Dok. He can have quite the temper when he snaps.

“Oh, a temper, huh?” says Nina, putting up her chin. “I hope he comes at me. I’ll kick his stubborn little teeth in. No, I don’t mean that. But he better not try anything!”

She heads down the corridor that leads to his room, her med bag thrown over her shoulder.

“You know, I was married before JP,” she says. “And he was an ass. But I wouldn’t leave him. He got worse and worse as the years went on and I wouldn’t leave him. Because I loved him and he was all I knew and it was just too much, to admit that I had been that wrong about him in the first place. Eventually it was JP who pounded it into my head that he was a shitbag. I was furious with him at the time - cut him out of my life, actually. But he told me the truth when no one else could, and because of that, I was finally able to…”

She’s stopped outside Dok’s open door.

One of the backpacks is missing and he isn’t inside.

“Oh, fuck,” she says. “Just like that, huh?”

Anonymous asked: Magicians, ever since the demon stole Marvin's magic, he's becoming physical. He has actual blood now. He's becoming corporeal. It may be a stretch, but I think, maybe if you team up with tons of you, you can actually kill him. Maybe start planning for something big. He's headed your way, he thinks two of the brothers will be at the church. Don't send your men there. Stay hidden until there's a more concrete plan.

“Don’t think I don’t see these too,” snarls Dok, his breathing shaky and afraid. He’s moving swiftly down past a great white wall. “You and them - you’re going to hide me from Anti and hurt him if he comes for me!”

immabethehero asked: Hermann, Genesis? Anti, the demon with the magician's magic, knows where dok is. he knows where red and dapper are too. you might wanna find them before anti finds you both

“Oh, he knows where the others are too?” worries Juana from the other side of the table. “He will snatch them up again. How are we to - ”

“Hey,” shouts Nina, reappearing in the dining room. “He made a run for it just like that. Let’s get up and grab him before he goes far.”

“He won’t make it anywhere,” says JP, blinking. “Sure you don’t want to just let him tire himself out trying to find a way to escape?”

“He’s cleverer than you think he is,” warns Nina, her eyes flashing. “And I’m worried about what he might do to himself trying to get out.”

“Go look for him,” says Emmanuela. “But be careful. He is not a large man, or a particularly strong one, and I wouldn’t even call him a fighter - but sometimes, men like that must learn ferocity to make up for it. You don’t know where his head is. Go.”

Anonymous asked: H, what are you doing?

“Where are Red and Dapper?” he says, ignoring you. “Close? Are they safe? Could I get to them by bus? Do they know about the church yet? We’ll have to pick somewhere else since the magicians now about that one. Depending on where they are there are several places we could choose. I’ve been here too long. I’ve been here much too long. Complacent! What would Trick think if he knew I’d just been waiting? That I’ve abandoned him, most likely! No more. Time to go. It was stupid of me to wait here.”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Dok, no one is going to hurt you...well, except for Anti who WILL when you get back.

“I don’t care,” snarls Dok. “I don’t care. That’s my family. That’s where Trick is, and Blue, who needs me, he’s ill. And the others will all be there. You think I don’t know Anti hurts me? Anti’s always hurt me. Me and Trick, we linger at the edges of his affection. Trick’s always striving for it, but me - ”

His eyes shine with moisture. His mouth trembles but his voice does not.

“I know my place. I know who I’m supposed to be. And a spoiled little hideaway - eating jam and rolls while my brothers struggle without me to look after them - no, that is not who I am. Let Anti torture me. He knows where we stand. I don’t care about him.”

But this only deepens the hurt in his eyes.

“I don’t, I don’t! I can live without him loving me! I can, I can! I accepted it a long time ago, so why does it never stop burning in me like this? I have to take care of the others. No one can take care of me. It’s not who I am and it never will be. I belong at the bottom of the pack!”

Anonymous asked: Dok please don’t leave

“Stupid magicians,” laughs Dok, almost wild with it, his face burning as he moves, approaching a high black gate. “That’s what they get for all eating together. For all being equals. If it was my home, Trick would be guarding and no one would escape.”

He leaps onto the black gate and, with a dexterity you’ve only seen Red embody, he begins to hoist himself up, pressing his feet against the slick bars of the gate and reaching up for the bar at the top.

“I know something magical hides this place,” he murmurs, his eyes flashing. “I hear the way they talk. My memory is perfect. I’ll figure it out. They can’t keep me here. I am Anti’s brother and Red’s and Dapper’s. I am sly and strong and crafty too. I can be everything I need to be. You have to be, in my family, or you’ll regret it.”

Anonymous asked: Dok then convince your brothers to come to the magicians! It’s safe with them you know that!

“They don’t like Anti! They’ll hurt him! He’s a part of me! He made me what I am! I’m nothing if I’m not with him.”

His hands reach the bar on top and he throws himself over the side, tearing a deep line in his beautiful white coat and gasping as it bruises hard along his ribs.

“Fuck!” he wails, grabbing his side, but it’s just pain, and pain for Anti’s sake, and how many times has it been pounded into his head that that is worth it, worth it, worth it, deserved. Your fault. You shouldn’t have let her grab you in the first place, Doktor. You shouldn’t have let yourself be stolen when your family needed you. He needs someone to punish him. He needs Anti.

bupine asked: henrik, no one deserves to be treated like shit. none of you should be "bottom of the pack", you should be equals. that's how family is supposed to be. you and your brothers deserve so much better than that.

“I could have run any time I wanted to,” says Dok, and his voice shatters, but he’s still trying to keep running, out into woods now, great woods of flowering trees. “I could have! Blue pulled me down to the beach. He doesn’t remember but I do. I was never strong enough to fight Anti. I’m not strong enough to be alone. I don’t know why I don’t leave him! I don’t know! I don’t want to have to think about it anymore! It’s not fair! I’m so fucking good for him!”

He screams and his feet fail him and he crashes to the ground for a second, stone grinding against his skin as he cries out. He can hear someone shouting behind him.

“I’m good, I’m good, I’m good all the time! I’m not disobedient, I don’t fail him! I don’t ask for things! I don’t complain! I’m good but I’m still not enough! If I was enough he wouldn’t treat me that way! That’s why I’m at the bottom, there’s something wrong with me.”

He screams again, striking a tree as he rises and keeps running.

“I don’t deserve to be free or treated well. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. But if there wasn’t something there, he wouldn’t treat me like this. He would love me like he loves Dapper. He doesn’t. So I deserve it. I deserve it! I have to be better. Maybe if I come back to him he’ll be pleased with me. But even if he doesn’t, I know I’ll keep bearing it. I don’t know why! I don’t know!”

asexualzucchini asked: Jackie, Henrik, JJ, anti is physical. He can be hurt now

Doktor nearly stumbles back down to the earth again, his breath catching in his throat, crashing into a tree and coming to a halt, panting.

“Anti is what?”

——————-

Ro’s head whips up, alarmed. “I’m - what did you say? That’s not possible. That’s not what Anti is.”

Dapper is staring at his own hands, confused.

“Physical…? Lastingly?”

“That’s why he can’t find us,” gasps Red, rising to his feet. “He can’t just zap over here and look!”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Guys, he would have found you by now if he wasn't physical. He can't find any of you without access to a computer.

Red stalks around the motel room, chewing on the hangnail again, thinking, while Dapper watches him and the monsters swirling around him with big tired eyes. He is holding his bear close to his ear so he can hear it better when it speaks.

“You know what this means, right?” says Red. “We have to find a way to tell him where we are without him tracking exact signals. We have to cause a scene. I need to go out again. I - I’m going to get in a fight with the cops! Then he’ll know exactly where we are! And even if I get arrested, he’ll come take care of you!”

“I was not,” Dapper is signing to his bear, apparently cross. “And I didn’t - no! None of you ever listen to me. Of course, but that’s just what dead things do.”

Red isn’t watching him. He’s tugging back on his soaked clothes and shoving the rest of his sandwich into his mouth.

Anonymous asked: Red what the fuck? That’s the worst idea! No! Don’t do that! What are you thinking?

“Then Anti will know where we are!” he says, panting a little. “It’ll be in police records, news, things he can access from far away, without having to be right here! And he’ll know exactly where we are and when he comes back he’ll be able to find Dap and maybe me too if I get away. Dap, I’ve got the room for a couple more nights, so you can just sit tight here, right?”

“Red is going to lock me in again!” cries Dap to his bear, and crumples back onto the bed with real distress.

“Hopefully I’m back in an hour or two, but if not, Anti will come scoop you up and then everything will be okay.”

“Just trying to sacrifice himself so he feels like he’s my hero! Stupid Red! Don’t leave me here! I want to go with you!”

“Dapper, no.”

“Better fighter than you are!”

“No, you are not!”

Dapper is sitting ram-rod straight on his bed suddenly, his blue eyes flashing.

“Beat you. Gas station. Beat you.” He pauses and blinks and then whirls on his bear. “No, I don’t want to do it again!”

Red shrinks slightly away from him, startled.

Anonymous asked: Henrik, you think Anti loves Dapper? Really? You think he loves the one he infantillizes, the one he locks away, the one he isolates from the rest of you, only to let him out when he can kill someone in Anti's name? That's not love. Anti doesn't love Dapper, or you, or any of your brothers. Everything he's ever done has proven that.

Doktor tries to push himself back up and keep going, grabbing at his face for a second, coughing.

“He… he beats Dapper and locks him in. Sometimes I hear his little nails scraping against the door. And he wants to be with the rest of us, but that’s not… Anti can’t just be - ! Please, stop saying these things! I can’t stay here any longer, I’m beginning to wish I could stay…”

He shoves himself onward, racing through the trees, until he sees the end of them, and pushes through at last, revealing the -

Exact… same convent he just escaped from?

“Wilder!” calls Hermann, opening the black gate he leapt over, except now it’s on the right side of the building instead of the left. Doktor blinks, aghast. “Come back, please! You’ll just exhaust yourself!”

Doktor backs away towards the woods again, panting. He needs to hide, then, if running won’t work!

spicydanhowell asked: Red. I say this lovingly when I say: Get your head out of your ass. Anti is physical, and stealing Blue's magic is tearing him apart. He is too sick to hunt you down. If you get yourself locked up, you will just rot in prison. Anti could easily die in the state he's in right now. And then where will we be? You'll be behind bars, and Dap will either be kidnapped or arrested or murdered or hospitalized or something if he doesn't just die alone without you. Please just do what's right for Dapper.

“I can’t do anything right for Dapper!” shouts Red, slamming his hand against the wall and then regretting it, immediately, when it makes Dapper jolt. “I’m sorry.”

Dapper turns away from him and curls up in his bed.

“I… don’t have to get into a fight, per say,” decides Red, rubbing his hands along his wrists, trying to calm himself down. “But he can’t go on like this. I’m breaking into a pharmacy. Dap, I’m going to go now, before they talk me out of it. I’ll come back with antipsychotics or I won’t come back. Okay? It’s my job to take care of you.”

“We used to be equals,” moan Dapper’s hands frailly. “We used to look after each other.”

He buries his face in his pillow, and so it is that Red misses the faint silver light coming back to his eyes.

“I’ll get you help tonight, bud. Something has to change. We can’t go on like this. Goodbye, Dap.”

He’s shoving his bag back into order already, refusing to so much as look at Dap. Refusing to listen.

Dapper shivers and holds himself. A million voices are laughing at him. The great time traveler, helpless again, alone as always.

“He’ll come back,” hisses Dapper, tears and anger welling in his eyes as his hands flash. “I will make him come back if I have to. I am an adult. I get to make choices too! He’s right about one thing - something has to change tonight. I’ll show him, if he won’t listen. I’ll show him!”

The clock in his hand is burning so hot you see his palms turn black.

Red scoops up the camera and leaves, locking the door behind him.

Anonymous asked: You will not be able to help your brothers like this. Anti will more than likely tear you all apart from each other the minute he finds you all. You won’t be able to take care of anyone like that. If you brought them to the magicians you’d be able to do your job with an abundance or resources at your disposal. Think about this Henrik, please.

You sit with Henrik curled beneath a bush. He’s grabbing at his head, rocking himself a little, wishing for Trick.

“No, I hate this,” he cries.

The birds are singing and the sun is clear and everything smells of flowers.

“I hate being with strangers instead of my family. I hate that no one here understands. I hate that I have to struggle with this! I don’t want to! It’s too hard, I can’t do it! You don’t know how fucking badly it will hurt. I can’t just accept this - that so much of my life has been a lie. That so much of it has just been a humiliation!”

He is weeping into his hands. Into his coat. Into the earth.

“It can’t be true,” he sobs. “It’s too horrible. I don’t want it to be true. I’m not strong enough. I think about it all the time. You don’t understand. I can’t stop thinking about everything he’s done to me and telling myself - no, no, I must be remembering it wrong, or I must have deserved it, or - ”

“Weird how abuse works, isn’t it?”

Dok chokes and whirls, turning to see Genesis standing a few feet away, kicking up the dust around her feet, leaning against a tree.

“How did you - ”

“Transportation, remember? I just checked about every spot in the forest. You aren’t great at hide and seek, are you, medico?”

Dok rubs hastily at his face. Just one more humiliation.

“I wasn’t… I’m not… I’m not abused. I’m not. He can’t have.”

Genesis lets out a long sigh, and then she glances at you.

“You guys have internet, right? Can you tell me some of the symptoms of abusive relationships?”

“Don’t,” croaks Dok. “Don’t…”

“If it’s not true, you don’t have anything to worry about, do you?”

Anonymous asked: H, you can stay. Just give the magicians a chance. You don’t have to figure out or unravel every inch of your trauma tonight but you can go back and figure it out bit by bit with help. It’s okay to want something that Anti does not, it does not make you incompetent or disobedient. You are allowed to make your own choices, you are an adult and you are free.

“No,” mumbles Doktor, exhausted. “No. No more middle ground. I can’t bear the back and forth. Either he hates me or he loves me. Either I must be trying to get back to him or I must be staying here. All week I’ve been ‘bit by bit.’ And yes, wanting something Anti doesn’t want… that would be disobedience. I disobey or I run back to him.”

Hermann, panting, has caught up to Genesis, and when he catches sight of Dok he rushes forward to help. But his friend’s hand comes out to stop him, holding him back.

“Give him a moment,” says Genesis. “Give him a moment. Wilder, you already know what the truth is.”

Dok shakes his head, gripping his hair.

Anonymous asked: Sorry Henrik... “A more sophisticated form of psychological abuse is often referred to as “gaslighting.” This happens when false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Examples may range simply from the abuser denying that previous abusive incidents ever occurred to staging bizarre events with the intention of confusing the victim.” (1/?)

Doktor covers his face with his hands.

He remembers a great white burn on Trick’s hand. Anti told him to take care of themselves while he was away. Trick was cold. He started a fire for them. When he came back, Anti punished him for disobeying him. Trick didn’t know the smoke was against the rules.

‘You should have,’ said Anti. ‘You should have.’

Trick’s hand is still burned. Mind games. Haldol they were never told to pick up from the pharmacy.

“He just has a bad temper,” groans Doktor. “That’s all.”

Anonymous asked: “A common form of emotional abuse is “I love you, but…” That may sound nice at first, yet it is both a disguised criticism and a threat. It indicates, “I love you now, but if you don’t stop this or that, my love will be taken away.” It is a constant jab that slowly strips away your self-esteem. Abusers get a lot of reinforcement out of using the word “love” as it seems to become a magic word to control you.” (2/?)

“Anti doesn’t care enough to tell me he loves me,” mumbles Dok. “So that one… doesn’t count.”

Anonymous asked: “Abusers at times do what I call “throw you a bone.” The partner was “nice,” “complimentary,” “gave me a gift,” etc. as if it should erase all of the bad treatment. You need to understand that this is part of the dynamic and cycle of abuse.” (3/?)

Candles on Hanukkah.

Doktor is sobbing.

Hermann comes up beside him and puts his hand on his shoulder, in silence.

Anonymous asked: He doesn't want you to know it yet; can you respect that a little longer? You can call him Doctor, or Doctor H?

Genesis sighs, running her hands through her hair.

“I guess? I mean, at some point - ”

“No,” says Nina.

She steps up beside them, her hand on her belly.

“Medico, look at me.”

Dok stares at the earth. Hermann’s hand soothes the muscles of his arm.

“You aren’t just realizing this,” she says. “No one just realizes things like this. Things like what they told you. For months, you’ve suspected. All week, I think, you’ve known. You’ve known. It’s just scary. I know. Trust me, I… I know. But you don’t have to get stuck. You don’t have to be the person he told you to be.”

She leans down, crouching beside him and Hermann.

“What’s your name?” she says. “What’s your real name?”

bupine asked: his name is henrik von schneeplestein, genesis.

“Anti stole it from me,” he tells her. “He stole it. It isn’t mine anymore.”

“Then take it back,” Genesis answers, above all three of them. Her short dark hair, cut by Anti’s hand, is beginning to grow out again.

Scars along his arms, along his hands. Wind in his hair and earth beneath him.

“Take it back. It’s yours again, or it could be, if you wanted. Come stay with us. Really, this time. Come stay with us. Start trying to take it back.”

Hermann is holding on to him. “My friend,” he says. “No more denying the past.”

Doktor looks at him, and meets his eyes, and sees Trick in him.

“My name is Henrik,” he says, very softly. “I fix hearts.”

Anonymous asked: hey dok? i was really attached to an abuser too. even though he told me that real things that i remembered happening weren't real and he pushed my down a flight of stairs and kicked me under the table and pinched my arm, i was so attached to him, and i thought i would be nothing without him. but the thing is that that's just what abusers teach you to think. they teach you that you are vulnerable and worthless and that they are the only one who can take care of you, but it's not real. i'm sorry.

“Sometimes we can’t see it for what it was until we’re out,” murmurs Genesis, and Nina nods with her, because they know, they know.

“Shit,” whispers Henrik, with fervor, hiding his face again. “Shit.”

They let him sit there for a long time.

“I always let myself believe it was just a bad temper… or that we had to live the way we did, because we were hiding.”

A pair of finches chase each other through the branches.

“And the memory loss, fuck… I knew something had been taken from me, but I couldn’t admit it. It was too frightening, knowing he might have really done something so horrible. Taken my life away from me… taken everything. Except Trick. I guess that’s why I stayed. He gives you one thing to hold on to… and when you only have one thing left, you can’t let it go.”

Hermann has put his head down on his shoulder.

“But so often the thought occurred to me - this isn’t right. I shouldn’t let him. He can’t do this to us. But I never stood up. I was too weak.”

“It’s not weakness,” murmurs Nina. “It’s survival. Henrik… you survived.”

He’s here.

He’s alive.

He’s still fighting.

“You’re still surviving.”

Anonymous asked: H, you are enough, you’ve always been enough. If I could I’d give you the biggest hug right now, schatz. It doesn’t matter what he thinks, nothing would change if you tried to prove yourself to him, nothing, and it’s not because you aren’t enough it’s because he doesn’t know what having a family means, he doesn’t care about family he just wants attention, all of it. You have proved time and time again that you are stronger then him, you are kind and grateful, you are so much more than enough.

He’s so fucking tired.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, to all of you, and means it.

It’s just a start.

It’s just a start.

But he’s waited a long time for the chance to start again, if only in the smallest ways, if only in a whispered name, if only in a tiny, powerful admittance he makes to himself, a secret that has been building in his chest for months and months and months:

Maybe I’m not the problem.

Maybe Anti is not what he tells us he is.

Maybe Anti is not even a part of my family.

I can’t let him treat my family the way that he does any longer.

No more excuses.

“Medico, you okay?” asks Hermann gently.

“Thank you,” Henrik repeats in a mumble, his body going a little limp, and Hermann startles and reaches up to grab his other shoulder, giving a small gasp when Henrik slumps back against him, his eyes suddenly gone glossy and dull with exhaustion, and when they call his name, again, again, he does not answer, breathing slow and tired through his nose and staring down at the ground, his hands flexing gently.

---------------

Anonymous asked: Oh my god, is what you said true Anti? Really? You're just doing this all so pwecious mastew will notice you. All you ever wanted was Jack's attention. Makes sense the 7 year old acts like a toddler. I know these asks make you pissy. Not the type of attention you're looking for hm? I bet you wish we would love you again. Or that any of your brothers would love you without mind control. Or that Jack would let you anywhere near him.

Trick and Anti are sitting together in the living space. You hear a bag rustling as they share a tube of Ritz crackers, their legs close together, their heads bent down.

“Yeah, okay, but Anti, you can do it without glitching it out!” giggles Trick.

“Those ones aren’t - Sometimes I just glitch, you little ass!”

Trick laughs hard, poking the screen to distract him, and Anti growls and shoves against his shoulder. Trick shoves right back, and pretty soon, bent over a clean little Nintendo Switch, they are all but wrestling. Determined, Anti keeps the Switch in his hands even as he pushes Trick back against the empty steps and squishes him into the ground, his body tangible and warmly heavy on top of Trick’s own.

“Ah! Uncle, uncle!”

“What was that? What was that? Sorry, I’m killing these goblin things, I can’t - ”

“Anti!”

Anti gets off him, smirking, and Trick groans in fake hurt, flopping across the stairs. After a moment, Anti pauses the game and turns to look at him, handing him the Switch back. He lets out a long, thoughtful sigh, running his eyes over Trick.

“What?” murmurs Trick, smiling at him. He reaches out to touch Anti’s head, tangling his fingers through his hair for a second. “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t worry about it. You like your thing?”

Trick hugs the Switch to himself, humming.

“Yeah, I thought you would. Game consoles are easy, you can have any game you want.”

“You look tired.”

“Don’t worry about it,” says Anti, leaning back to lie beside him. “Go on, play. You can tell me about it. I like to watch.”

“Oh, I wanted to check in with the cameras today.”

“Okay,” says Anti, rubbing at his face and tossing another cracker into his mouth.

Trick hands him a camera and Anti re-enables your voices.

Trick’s face falls a little.

“Is this how they talk to you?”

Anti’s eyes slid slyly open at you as Trick reads through the messages.

“Don’t worry about it,” he murmurs, but Trick, with a little frown on his mouth, scoots a little closer to him and puts his hand down on his knee, soothing his palm across the bone. Anti allows it, relaxing, his eyes circled slightly in blue.

Anonymous asked: I fucking knew it that bastard, “what part of this doesn’t look like I’m taking care of him” arrogant asshole I hope it bites him in the ass

“He is taking care of me,” protests Trick, sinking down beside Anti. “He is!”

Anti glances out of him out of the corner of his eye, humming fondly as Trick continues his nervous shuffle towards him, always wary of being pushed away. Anti’s eyes flicker across his body and then he reaches out to hook an arm around Trick’s waist, squeezing him closer, and Trick all but melts.

“Things aren’t easy right now,” says Trick, staring up at him. “But we’re doing okay.”

“Of course you are,” says Anti, and for a second his eyes swim deep, deep black, and Trick sways a little beside him, clutching woozily at his knee.

“Mm-hm,” he mumbles, smiling at him. “Of course I am.”

Anonymous asked: damn... we can't even call him a glitch bitch anymore, anti's practically a flesh boy

“Yeah, that’s been weird, hasn’t it?” murmurs Trick, leaning back against his chest. “But it’s like on and off, really strange. You feel tangible now.”

“I’ve always been able to seem tangible.”

“Mh.” Trick tugs at the laces of his hoodie. “I hear you coughing sometimes at night.”

“It’s not as bad as it was. Maybe the curse will settle soon.”

“I hate those magicians,” grumbles Trick, his hand reaching out to snatch Dok’s handheld on the ground beside him. “They should come after you again, I’ll show them who they fucked with.”

“Of course.” Anti seems relaxed by his blood-thirst. “And then steal your Dok back.”

“Yeah! So you think he’s okay?”

“Good reason to think he is,” says Anti, glancing at you.

“Hell yeah,” beams Trick. “Next week?”

“Next week.”

Trick snuggles down against his chest.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Was that really necessary, Anti? He's already a puppy to you. Leave poor Trick alone.

“He’s happy, what’s the matter?” snaps Anti, ignoring a bewildered look from Trick. “He’s happier than any of his brothers right now, I guarantee. It’s easier to be right here with me, isn’t it, lil Stammer? Isn’t it?”

Trick laughs and blushes, nodding.

Anonymous asked: trick, pick your side. anti just ripped blue out of his hospital bed and broke his nose, and told him he'd never be free. so either go to him, and turn your back on anti for good, or put your muzzle and collar back on, and sleep at his feet. anti's dog, or blue's brother? it's about time you decided.

Trick’s face falls.

He looks up at Anti, and then down at you, and then up at Anti again.

When he speaks, his voice is soft.

“Did you really break Blue’s nose?”

Anti is interested in his nails. His ears are pink, and, today, so are his cheeks, changing color with the anger and the other feelings in his eyes, emotions you’re not sure you recognize.

“Got upset with him,” growls Anti, crossing his arms over his chest.

Trick pauses, his mouth slightly open.

“You… can’t be doing that. What was he going to do, Anti? He’s too sick to do anything.”

“He was being - ” Anti hisses and rubs at his face. “He was being - I got pissed off, okay, I wanted him to come home!”

Trick stares at his shoes, picking at the laces. Immaculately clean Converse, given to him by Anti a long time ago.

“Me too,” he says. “But can’t be hitting him.”

“Whatever, Trick, listen to them, then!” says Anti, suddenly screaming, and Trick jolts hard, curling slightly in on himself. “I get it, alright, nobody wants me if they’re not out of their fucking mind, I get it! You can prove them right, you can be like the rest of your brothers, you think I can’t feel my strings loosening, you think I can’t tell they’re being changed while they’re away from me? And my own body is a weapon to me now, sure, listen to them!”

Trick is on his feet, his head down, heading towards his room.

“I get it, I know, don’t you think I don’t know, I know and I always have known!” he shrieks. “You can go like the rest of them, you can leave me behind, everyone does, sure, listen to them, you can’t be my brother’s and Blue’s, too, right, is that what they said? Fine, run away, go ahead! I know! I know!”

Anti slumps back against the stairs, seething, his eyes brown and his teeth clenched. He digs his nails into his palm and hisses, trying to calm down. There are scorch marks where his hands touch the ground.

“Whatever,” he growls, biting his teeth at nothing. “Whatever… I don’t need anybody, I don’t - ”

Footsteps come back towards him.

Anti stops short, turning his head, and when he sees Trick, his whole face slackens.

Trick steps slowly towards him. Anti reaches out in bewilderment, a strange look in his eyes.

When he finally reaches your view, you can see Trick’s collar, tucked safely into his backpack, latched around his throat.

“I’m not going anywhere,” says Trick.

His voice is level. His eyes are clear. He sits down at Anti’s feet.

“I’m not ever going anywhere.”

Anti is shell-shocked, staring at him, winded. Weird thing about being physical is the new feelings it comes with - like something grabbing your heart and warming it between their hands. His cheeks are very red.

Trick leans forward.

Anti grabs him and hugs him tight to his chest, squeezing him down, down, down, holding him.

“Cameras off again?” asks Trick, muffled against his stomach.

“Cameras off again,” whispers Anti, and, grabbing you, he turns you off and throws you away.

----------------

aether-mae asked: Red, maybe you failed to protect them in the past, but if you continue to let them be returned to Anti after everything you’ve seen, then your still enabling their torture. You need to put your foot down and end this. Choose to do good, despite everything

Red breathes out a shaky sigh, staring down an alleyway at the lights of a tattered drug store.

“Choose to do good, huh?” he mumbles to himself, his hood drawn over his head.

The truth is he doesn’t know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore. Nothing feels clear cut. To lock Dapper in his room feels bad, but to let him come along and get hurt or run free and have an episode alone would be bad too. To go back to Anti has begun to feel frightening, but to continue living this way with Dapper so sick could be worse. Maslow’s Pyramid is boxing his morality in - with an empty stomach and a hallucinating brother, just about anything that eases his pain feels like the right thing to do. Killing people is wrong, but self-defense is good. Stealing is wrong, but taking care of Dapper is good. Who is he supposed to turn to? Where is he supposed to go? For a rare moment, he feels something in him cry out for the cold pews of that run-down church where they hid, but God’s never helped him before and he doesn’t expect salvation now that he’s done so many things nobody should ever do.

“Just let me try and get him some medicine,” murmurs Red, moving towards the drug store. “Maybe cause just a little trouble, so Anti at least has an idea… I can always choose to run later, but I just - I just can’t do this alone anymore.”

And he does feel alone. Dapper is just a responsibility. No help is coming.

“Look, I’m just going to put you in my backpack so you can hear,” he says. “And then, if everything goes really wrong… you’ll be able to tell Anti and the others. And they’ll know why I did it, and not to look for me. And then, you know. It won’t be so bad, I don’t think. Maybe kind of peaceful, even. I’ve heard it’s like sleep. No duties there, you know? No one to hurt me. Nothing to wrestle with. Feel like I sealed my fate a long time ago, so, hey. I can be a way for Anti to find and look after Dapper again and then everything… everything will be okay.”

He swallows hard and tries to believe himself.

“Just need you with me,” he says, a little gruffly. “In case things go wrong.”

He puts you in his backpack.

After that, a great many things go wrong.

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: Wait red dont die what went wrong

Skidding footsteps pound down the sidewalk; raw gasps are matched by the shrieking of sirens, and your screen is jostled rapidly with the running. There’s a a pause as Red tries to turn, and then the sound of a gunshot, and Red whimpers, taking off again, a hard gasp slicing through his voice.

“Anti’s right,” he chokes, heaving. “I’m not a good thief!”

There are voices yelling at him. You hear clanging as he tries to flee, leaping up the side of the building. Another shot goes off and he cries out, terrified, but he will not surrender. He can’t go to prison. He can’t, he can’t, he can’t. This was stupid, this was so stupid. He can’t remember why he did it now. He just saw a chance at getting out of this situation and leapt for it. Maybe he was just hoping to get shot.

Anonymous asked: Not everyone thing simplified to two options, y’know. Why not make your own choices and discover a third option? Think outside the box a little, Red, anything is possible if you want it bad enough.

Red is trying to get you out of his backpack, grabbing you as he runs, having found some distance from the police behind him as he sprinted through back-alleys and abandoned buildings.

“Well, I am VERY OPEN to suggestions right now,” he shouts. “Like, just, incredibly open to suggestions!”

He turns an alley and sees a dark figure at the end of it hallowed in red and blue. Fear flashes over his face, and then, before he can turn -

Gunshot.

Red wails, clutching at his arm, and turns to race away again, but he’s getting rapidly boxed in. Dark figures on every side. Circling him like a lynx surrounded by wolves. He cannot breathe and blood is soaking his sleeve.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Red! Please be careful.

“What do I do?” he gasps. “What do I do!”

He stares around you. Cops to the right, and coming down from the north too. He could go to his left or south. South is an abandoned building; left is more alleyways.

Anonymous asked: Did you steal what you needed? As for suggestions, lose whatever jacket you're wearing and double back if you can. If they didn't get a good look at you, you might be able to get past without seeming suspicious.

“My… my jacket?”

It’s the only thing he owns. He clutches furtively at the sleeves, feeling suddenly paralyzed. A blur of blue and red lights. A blur of shapes faraway getting closer. The cold as he takes off his jacket. The blood, hot, soaking into him, and the stinging bullet embedded in his arm. Oh, please. Oh, please. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

“No, no!” he cries to himself, trying to focus on your message. “I have - I grabbed antipsychotics I think, but I - I don’t know what kind, I don’t know what to do - don’t act suspicious, don’t act - k-keep it together, Red! Keep it together, Roser!” Fuck, but he wants Blue!

Anonymous asked: Cops may know the area better than you do so you might get pinned in the alleyways. The building may be a bit tricky but if you can move quick and hide you might be able to get away unseen. Weigh your strengths

“Okay, okay,” wheezes Red, hurrying towards it. Shouting around him. He’s scared they saw him but he isn’t sure. He doesn’t speak Spanish. He’s not sure he could understand English right now. He sprints towards the abandoned building - some kind of greenhouse, if he had to guess, and shoves himself in through a rusted door. He needs to find someplace to hide!

whydoilovesomanyvillians asked: Go south maybe you can lose them in the building's

“I’ll try and stay hidden,” he pants. “If I do good enough, they might leave. Maybe they won’t check thoroughly. They don’t know I’m the one who’s - they don’t know I’m a killer, right? Right? They just think I’m a petty thief. Or did they recognize my jacket? They’re shooting at me…”

Anonymous asked: Every second you stay out of their line of sight is good; try the alleys, take as many turns as you can, wait until they're good and behind you before you try climbing anything. Unless you think you can do some rooftop parkour from the abandoned building, in which case, try for there first. Just move quickly, make as much time as you can where they don't have their eyes on you.

“Oh, fuck, I can’t get on the rooftops with my arm like this,” he whimpers, the realization hitting him. He clutches the machete Anti gave him in his good arm, panting. “That’s how I always get away when I’m in trouble!”

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Go down to the abandoned building! It might buy you some time. But if you think you still have the energy to run, book it down those alleyways!

“It does buy me time, it does,” pants Red, hunkering down between a closet and a table at the corner of the back of the long, open building. “Yeah, okay, okay, gotta take a second to collect myself before they find me. I’m okay. If they find me, I can fight. I’m good at fighting. I’ve fought with worse than a bullet in my shoulder before.”

He’s pale, but not pale enough to lose consciousness. Not yet.

The door he came in through creaks.

“Hello?” someone whispers.

Someone else shushes them and footsteps skitter in the darkness.

Anonymous asked: Hey Red that’s alright! That just means you gotta get a little more creative with your tactics. Just relax and think logically, act like you are in control of the situation. If you don’t you’ll trip up and get caught and we don’t want that.

“I’m in control,” he wheezes to himself, nearly silent in the darkness. You can just see the outline of his face. “I’m in control. I am a soldier. I am a fighter. I always come home to my family. I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have left him alone. I shouldn’t have locked him in. Okay. Okay. Sh, Ro, sh.”

Anonymous asked: that's ok red, you can keep your jacket. maybe you can wear it inside out or around your waist?

The hood, for now, is hiding his face, but he thinks that’s a good idea. He nods. He’ll change it once these cops leave. Someone is sliding closer to him. He tries to breathe.

Anonymous asked: Red, I get why you see Dapper as a hindrance especially in this unmedicated state, but bear in mind he could be your greatest help if you'd let him. Trusting him is going to help him trust you. Two-way street, bud. You're not alone, so quit acting like you are because, like it or not, you're both in this together.

“He’s just… always seemed so helpless,” murmurs Red, clutching his own head. He should probably shut up, but he’s trying to ground himself. Quiet, quiet. Can’t breakdown now. At least this place is cool and quiet and the fire in his arm is beginning to go numb. “Sometimes it’s like he can’t even think for himself. I don’t hate him, I just don’t know how to see him as capable anymore. He’s always sick or acting like a baby… maybe that’s not what he wants, but I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Anonymous asked: Can you see who it is, Red? Be cautious, but I think they might be an innocent.

Red swallows and turns both himself and you slightly to the right, sinking down so you can all see beneath the legs of the table. The black boots and navy green uniform of the policia. A gun.

Red shudders, going still. There is another pair of footsteps, moving even more quickly towards them, and this person makes much less attempts at being quiet, panting in the hot shadows. Red squishes himself down small, small.

Anonymous asked: Blue would tell you to calm down and think through this right? Deep breaths and think about what is happening in the moment, nothing else. Your main priority is to get away, to disappear, don’t worry about anything else. What if you weaved down the alleyways to try and loose them? Just don’t get cornered.

Blue would tell him to calm down.

Right? Right?

Deep breaths. Stay in the moment. Get away. Disappear. Don’t be scared, Red. Don’t be scared, Rojo.

Right?

He wouldn’t be angry.

Calm down. Deep breaths. Stay in the moment. I’m not angry. I forgive you.

Maybe that’s what Blue would tell him.

Right? Right?

I love you, he’d say. Focus on that. I forgive you. Deep breaths. Stay in the moment. Stay here with me.

The flashlight of the cop shines on him.

“Está aquí!” and the gun cocks.

Another voice cutting through the darkness, and footsteps running towards him. “Don’t hurt him! Don’t shoot!”

Anonymous asked: You're alright, Red. You can do this. Just one step at a time, yeah? You can handle this. Deep breaths. Do you have any subtle stims that can ground you, like tapping your fingers or rubbing a seam on your clothes? Just focus on that for now, and you can act on something else if something else happens.

Red can’t move. Red can’t breathe. Red can’t move. Red can’t breathe. Get up, Red. He can’t move. Run, run. Gun in his face. Shouting. Machete in his hands; clutch the scabbing handle tight, focus on the pressure in your hands. Get up, Red, run, can’t move, can’t breathe, hold the machete; blood on your arms, jacket, light in his face, Blue, Blue, Blue, I’m sorry, I love you, can’t move.

Someone collides hard with the police officer, shoving him back a few steps, and there is shouting, loud.

“Don’t hurt him!”

Angry Spanish in reply. “He’s armed, he has a machete!”

“Put the gun down, don’t hurt him! Hey, hey, put the machete down for me, man, can you put the machete down?”

Can’t move. Anti’s machete. Protect Dapper. Silver water. Can’t breathe. The gunman whirls back towards him again and Red is going to die.

The other stranger pulls back his own gun and slams it down on the skull of the police officer.

The body crumples.

One breath, sucked desperately in. One breath. Knife handle. Jacket. Quiet. Warm. Focus. Calm down, Ro. Deep breaths.

The stranger stands over him, panting, stammering, staring at him. He drops his gun and it goes clattering to the floor beside the body. After a moment, he picks up the flashlight and shines it on Red.

Red covers his eyes, panting, holding the blade in his trembling hand.

Anonymous asked: Red DO NOT strike first! Only in self-defense, ONLY fight if you HAVE to!

Get up, Red, fight.

Ro, he just protected you.

Don’t strike first. Don’t fight unless you have to. Injured. Alone. Trapped. Afraid.

The stranger has not moved. Red staggers back against the wall and pushes himself up, slowly, until he is standing on trembling legs, and only then does he pull his protective arm away from his eyes and face the man with the light.

He saw him earlier.

When he was scavenging for something to eat.

He had thought he seemed familiar, somehow. Forgotten, but familiar.

He is not South American, but his skin is dark and his hair darker, soft and silky on his head. His eyes are so golden-brown Red thinks of tigers. A wide mouth made for smiling now turned into an astonished o, eyes wide with shock and light, strong, familiar features. Red knows him and Red does not know him. Red does not know him at all and yet knows every part of him. Red is afraid.

“It is you,” the stranger whispers. “I didn’t believe…”

Behind the flashlight, the stranger seems to glow with light, and then, as the realization hits him and sinks down into him, with joy, too.

“It is you,” he says again, a smile lighting up his sunlight face. “Jackie.”

Anonymous asked: Who is that??

Red is close to suffocating.

“Who?” he tries, but the words are mangled in his desperate mouth. “Wh - who - how - ?”

“It’s been so long,” gasps the stranger, taking a step forward.

Red flinches and he steps back again, worry on his face.

“Sorry,” he whispers, and the smile comes back. Red thinks he sees tears in his deep eyes. “I had started to think - I had almost started to give up, Juice Box, I - oh, fuck. Then there was this weird power signal in Peru, and I followed it, and then I could swear it was you in that police arrest, and then, up north, a trail of crimes with you fitting the description, and I - I - Fuck. I’m so sorry, I’m just - !”

He laughs aloud, making Red startle hard, and the stranger again tries to readjust, worry in his face.

“Sorry, you’re spooked. It’s okay. We need to get you out of here.”

He reaches out a hand. Yes, definitely tears in his eyes. Joy on his mouth. That old name. Jackie. Jackie.

Red slinks back against the wall, staring at him.

Wary.

“Are you okay?” asks the man. “Are you hurt?”

He reaches farther forward. Red jerks back and the stranger frowns.

“Don’t touch me,” Red manages. “Don’t even think about touching me.”

bupine asked: hey there, stranger. can you hear us? what's your name?

“Does that thing get messages?” he asks, tilting his head at the flashing light of the camera. “Is that… is that him? Can I - ?”

Red clutches you jealously to his chest and slides slightly down the wall, shoving the desk between himself and the stranger. He is panting, hard, and as he moves the man catches sight of the gleaming blood on his arm.

“Did they get you? Let me look at it, Jackie, please - ”

“Don’t come near me!” shouts Red, shoving himself further down the hall, though the tentative movements of the stranger towards him make him nervous and paralyzed, not remembering how to run away. “Don’t come any closer!”

“Okay, I won’t, I won’t, I promise, see?”

Hands held out. Feet planted. Eyes like the earth, rich.

“It’s okay, I won’t touch you or come closer if you don’t want,” promises the stranger.

“Who are you?” shouts Red, and the heat of the humiliation of not knowing him, though he knows him, rises in his face like flame. “Stay away from me! Who are you?”

But there is no anger or frustration or even disappointment in the man’s eyes.

Just knowing - acceptance. And then, for a moment, a grief so wide the ocean couldn’t make space for it, and then the knowing again.

“It’s okay,” he whispers. “It’s okay. You must have been through so much, I know. It’s Max. Do you remember me at all?”

Red shakes his head numbly. He sees again the great dark hurting grief, and then Max is calm and smiling soothingly again, the knowing in his eyes, the sorrow resting on its underbelly.

“Oh, okay,” whispers Max, very soft. “Not at all? It’s me, Max. No? That’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

He will have time to hate Anti for it later.

Anonymous asked: Red, don't be afraid. There's no need to be scared, I'm nearly certain. Be cautious, but this person just saved your life. I think you can more than trust them.

No. No, no.

Red doesn’t like this, this isn’t -

This isn’t how they’re supposed to be.

He doesn’t know how they’re supposed to be, but not like this.

And he’s ashamed, but he doesn’t know why.

He covers his face with his hands. He will not cry in front of strangers. And this man is a stranger no matter what he says or what he knows. He doesn’t want to be looked at or seen or real. He wants to wake up, or maybe die.

“Who are you?” croaks Red. “Who, who, say things that matter this time!”

“I - I’m a detective, or I was, with the Sussex Police. I’ve been trying to - Jackie, wait!”

The word ‘police’ and Red tears towards the exit of the greenhouse, yanking frantically against the locked door.

“No, I won’t hurt you!” swears Max. “I’m on your side, please! I’m here to help, I am, just please talk to me.”

“Fucking pig,” snarls Red, whirling on him again, panting hard. “Don’t touch me.”

“Is Anti here now?” asks Max, his eyes beginning to redden. “Is he making you do all this? Is he making you act like this?”

A strangled laugh from Red’s throat. No. The last week has been all him and his bullshit. Nobody made him do anything. And now Max is seeing him like this. Sprinting away from a crime scene. Running from cops. Probably he stinks and his clothes are fucking filthy. He is, very suddenly, so aware of every scar along every inch of his torn, abused flesh that he wants to scratch them all back to blood just to hide them.

“Jackie,” whispers Max.

And Red strikes like a snake.

Max shouts in alarm as he is tackled to the ground, and Red’s fist comes down once, twice, staining his teeth crimson, and Max struggles frantically against his grip, yelling. “Jackie, stop! Jackie! I won’t hurt you!”

“Don’t call me that!” Red screams, slamming his head back against the ground. Max moans. “I’m not Jackie! Jackie is gone!”

“No,” he hears Max cry, grabbing at his face, his right hand finding the back of his head and grabbing his hair tightly. “I know you! Even from the others, I would know you. I could know you by the way you breathe.”

“No, you don’t know me, you don’t know anything about me or the person I am now!”

“Jackie,” he begs, his hand still in his hair, protecting him. “Jackie.”

“Shut up!” screams Red, and strikes him again, and leaps away from his body, taking off at a dead sprint, throwing his whole weight at the door this time and busting the hinges entirely. You get a glimpse of Max staggering to his knees but then collapsing back to his side again, striking the floor in his anguish, his white teeth gritted.

Anonymous asked: Stay hidden, Red, but as soon as it’s clear you need to get the hell away from there and go the opposite direction.

He tears off his hoodie and wraps it around his waist instead, sprinting so numbly now that he isn’t even sure if anyone’s following him. That’s an order he can follow. Get the hell away. Get the hell, the fuck, the goddamn away from there and from him and from everything. He can’t feel his arm anymore. It doesn’t matter. He’ll run until he passes out if he can’t find his way back to the motel. He can’t think. He’s sprinting. It’s quiet at last. Dark streets and silence and the bundle of feelings cutting him open from the inside. Even Dok couldn’t cut that shit out of him. Nurse, I need a liter of not-being-so-fucking-useless, stat. He laughs wildly and stumbles as he runs, beginning to hyperventilate, beginning to slow, exhausted.

“Can’t call me that,” he pants to himself, staggering down a street he doesn’t know. “Can’t call me that…”

Anonymous asked: Red, what was that? Why did you do that?

“I don’t know, I don’t know!” he shrieks.

He tries to rationalize it away.

“He was a cop! He was going to arrest me! And Dapper, he could find him! He knew who Anti was, he could hurt us! He’s been stalking us! He’s the kind of person Anti’s warned me about again and again! I should have killed him! Anti would have wanted me to!”

He slams against a wall and covers his face with his hands - or tries to, but the injured one has lost all feeling. His head spins fiercely. He’s going to be sick and he isn’t sure if it’s from the blood loss or the encounter.

“I didn’t want to see him,” he cries. “I didn’t want him to see me.”

Anonymous asked: Ro, you need to calm down.

“Why can’t I do anything right?” he groans, tugging at his hair like he always does, pulling at the thick dark hair. “Sometimes I just want to be normal. I get so freaked out. Fuck, when was the last time I just… met someone? Met anyone? Spoken to anyone other than my brothers and you?”

He holds his own aching shoulders, shrinking down against the wall. “I want Blue, why does Blue always feel so much safer than anything… I need him, I can’t do this, I can’t, I can’t!”

He strikes the wall with his fist so hard it will bruise.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Red, Max is NOT out to get you.

“Everyone’s out to get me,” he chokes, rocking himself and rubbing his palms together. “The whole world is out to get me. The whole world is out to get me and my family. I can’t trust anyone but my brothers. That’s the way it’s always been. Even before i remember. Cops waiting for me at food pantries. Guns surrounding my house in the middle of the night. Strangers stalking me home from the marketplace on Christmas Eve.”

Anonymous asked: You make mistake just like anyone else, but it’s what you do after that that defines you. You either do what you can to make it right or you sit and have a pitty party. It’s okay to mess up, Red, but Blue is not coming so you have to figure this out on your own.

Red shivers hard. “I… I wish I could remember a time without Blue. I’ve never done anything without him. Anti told us to stay together and I walked away.”

He rubs his wrists into his eyes, trying to breathe.

“Okay. Okay. I can figure this out. Need - I need to get back to Dapper. I need to bandage myself up. Can’t be bleeding everywhere. I can’t think about him, I won’t…”

Shaking so hard it is difficult to rise, he nevertheless gets back to his feet.

Anonymous asked: Red, bud... You're having a trauma reaction right now. You've been attacked and stalked so often with mal-intent that it's causing a trauma reaction. Can you breathe for me, love? Breath in 4, hold 7, out 8. It's okay, it'll be okay. Max wasn't going to hurt you, buddy. Everything will be fine, but right now work on calming and guiding yourself our of this flashback.

“Keep having nightmares,” whispers Red, and then he tries to breathe for you.

One, two, three, four… one, two, three, four, five, six, choke - pause, cough, try again - one, two, three, four… one, two three, four, five, six, seven… one, two, three, four, sigh deep, too deep, so tired.

Everything in his life is always difficult and frightening and he’s tired. Afraid. He doesn’t remember if it was always like this. He doesn’t think so. He thinks he used to be brave and safe and maybe even happy.

One, two, three, four…

Anonymous asked: Wow what a shocking coincidence that your life was only exhausting and frightening and traumatizing since you've belonged to Anti, hm, Red. I wonder who could possibly at fault.

“Please,” mumbles Red, clutching at his face. “Tell me I didn’t help bring them all back to an Anti who wanted any of this. Tell me I haven’t belonged to an Anti like that. I couldn’t bear it.”

Anonymous asked: Red, fucking /stop/. You need to calm down, please. Go back, see what he wants. He won't hurt you, he said it himself. Explain who you are if he doesn't understand. Stop running from your past. Stop running from people who want to help. You will /die/ if you keep running from everything that tries to help you. Dapper will die without help.

“I… I think I’m lost,” he mumbles, shivering despite the heat, staring around himself. “I don’t even know where I came from.”

He holds his arm as it begins to hurt again, feeling coming back as the adrenaline fades. “Ngh… maybe I should have at least let him bandage it up. No… Dapper will help me. Even if I left him behind. I think I need to apologize.”

He runs his hands through his hair. Dapper will die without help. He groans and moves forward, looking around for anything he recognizes.

Anonymous asked: Sadly.... You have Red. You've belonged to an Anti who told us he hates you and loves seeing you in pain. You belong to an Anti who killed you in front of Dapper and forced him to rewind every time he disobeyed. You belong to an Anti who threw Blue out of a hospital bed, gagged him with his own stolen magic, and broke his nose.

He is set to shuddering again, crumpling against the wall, panting and dizzy. He can see Blue sick, now, choking and bleeding. He can see Blue hurt and himself not there. He can see Blue dying. He can see himself dead, and Dapper looking on, afraid, Red’s blood made as a tool to control him.

“I don’t believe you!” shrieks Red, clutching his hair. “No! Stop it! I’ll turn you off! I want to go home to Dapper! I need to see him! I need to - we used to protect each other, I need - I need to see Dapper! Where am I?”

Anonymous asked: He wasn't stalking you, he was rescuing you Red. He was helping, he came to save you. You can't 'rationalize' this one away, buddy... He was a friend. A friend that you don't remember. He came to save you. His eyes were grieving you, missing you.

“A friend,” chokes Red.

And suddenly, he needs it to be true so badly he can barely breathe.

He needs a friend.

He really, really, really, fucking needs a friend.

“This is so stupid,” he sobs. “I’m supposed to be able to do this alone. It doesn’t matter now. I can’t start to know anyone else. I’ll just lose them when I have to go back to Anti. And I beat him, anyway, so he won’t want me now. I don’t know how to trust anybody anymore so it’s better if we just go.”

But he wants it, he wants it, he wants it so much he doesn’t even realize he’s crying until his mouth is warm with the tears and his chest is hiccuping and he has to calm down, he has to.

Anonymous asked: Whether you believe it or not doesn't make it any less true. What are you going to make the "he just has a bad temper" excuse too? Red, do you know the definition of "gaslighting"? Do you realize how shattered your reality is because of what Anti has done to you?

“No, no, no!” He thrashes his head back and forth, rocking again, but it hardly helps. He needs someone to hold him. He wants someone to touch him. He wants to feel safe. “I’m the shattered one, it’s not anybody else’s fault. Why would he do this to me if he knew? Why would he hate me? I’ve never done anything but protect him, my little brother, my angry, hurting little brother, I’ve never done anything but love him.”

He wants Anti to come hold onto him and tug at his hair. It is only belatedly that he realizes he has no memory of Anti ever holding him like that at all.

“Stop talking!” he screams, his voice splitting down the middle, grabbing at his face as the lights around him become overwhelming again. “Shut up!”

Anonymous asked: You know it's the truth though, don't you Red. You know your master better than anyone. Do you really think I'm lying? Do you underestimate his cruelty, even now, after all the shit he's done to you? After he almost killed Blue? Blue would have died if it weren't for one of the magicians healing his heart. Anti would have killed him. He's still killing him, every single day.

Red crumples.

You can hear him breathing. Harsh and thin and wheezing like an asthma attack. A low string of mumbling pours from his trembling mouth. His nails bite into his palms. He puts his forehead down on the filthy dirt of the alleyway and clutches at his head like there’s bombs coming down and he’s beneath his desk. He can see Blue’s corpse on the shore of the river. He sees purpled lips and swollen eyes. The body goes unbelievably stiff as it dies, and so soon too. Red knows. Red has held corpses. Blue would be so heavy, with bones like metal, unyielding as a concrete building. His eyes would never see the stars again and the life would be gone from him. Red can smell the decay. The rotting blood. Red can see Blue dead, but Anti wasn’t the one who killed him. Red walks away and hears Blue crying out for him beside him.

Ro? Ro? I don’t want to die. Red - Jackie - I’m afraid, please -

Be good, Blue. Be good. I’ll see you again soon.

Red slams the side of his head against the concrete. He is holding his shoulders as he always does, but he lets his fingers dig into the bullet-hole at the top of his shoulder. His palms fill up with blood.

Anonymous asked: "Gaslighting: form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance. Blatant lying. First, people who gaslight tell obvious lies. Deny, Deny, Deny. Using what you love against you. Additionally, people who gaslight use what is closest to you against you. The slow death of self."

The slow death of self. Red shudders and is sick against the concrete, and now he cannot breathe at all through the smell of his own vomit. He falters and tumbles against the brick of the building beside him, his eyes rolling, rocking himself back and forth, his head striking concrete every time, desperate breaths wheezing out of his throat.

Anonymous asked: "Gaslighting. Everybody else is the enemy, outsiders are not to be trusted. Lovebombing, holding love and affection over your head and using it against you. The constant confusion that the abuser has instilled leads the victim to become desperate for clarity. More often than not, the victim searches for this clarity in the abuser. If the gaslighter is a liar and a cheater, they are now accusing you of being a liar and a cheater."

He is not reading anymore, shaken and blind against the concrete, lost in his head, overwhelmed, sick. He hasn’t made it home and no one is here to comfort him. Dapper does not have a camera and Max is still searching. He is very dizzy now, milk white with it, his rocking slowing on the concrete as he faints for a moment, a low moan sliding out of his teeth.

Anonymous asked: Alright, why don’t we hold off on the truth bombing tonight? Ro hasn’t exactly had an easy trip this evening so let’s just chill a bit?

Numb.

He’s a dead thing, he thinks.

He lies there for a long time.

Anonymous asked: Guys I don’t think this is the correct approach to this, especially since he’s just had a anxiety attack from a trauma trigger. Red, it’s okay. You’ve been thought a lot today and you’re in pain and loosing blood still, your priority right now should be to get somewhere safe and patch yourself up or get some help (Max I mean max). We can wait to talk about the more touchy feely topics until you’re safe.

Brain slush. Tired. Dry mouth. It hurts to blink.

Safe and patch up. Safe and patch up.

He doesn’t move. His tongue presses against his torn lips. He sighs. Sleepy.

Anonymous asked: There is much more to this world then guns and knifes and scary people. There are people that genuinely want you boys to get better, kinda like us. It’s scary to take a change but you aren’t going to get anywhere if you don’t. Remember what we said about that third option? Thinking outside the box beyond BNE and Anti as a solution? He could be it.

He stares at you, his eyes dull and glazed over with fatigue. Right now, he’d take a third option. He’s too tired not to. He just wants someone to hold him. The strange memory of Dapper that he has tucked away rises in his head again - soft white hands washing the blood away. Cleaning him and helping him to bed. His soft warm hair against his own. Good pressure. Warm Jameson.

And warm brown eyes, deep. Tiger. Sleepy.

Anonymous asked: Shit okay okay, guys fucking stop pressuring a guy on the brink of an entire meltdown jfc what is wrong with you people? Alright, Red can you hear me? You shouldn't sleep right now. But first deep breaths. In and out. In and out until you feel better. You have to find Dapper and then maybe go approach the guy Max earlier. It seems they're pretty worried about you in a personal level so they'll help you and Dapper some if you just asked. -🌻

Oh, help. And food and bandages - medicine? Tired. He rubs at his face and then shudders, drawing away to find blood on his hands. A quiver shakes his chest and he snuffles out a sigh, dazed.

Deep breaths. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…

Dapper.

Max.

He looks up at the sky and the buildings, trying to put the floating pieces of his own brain back together.

Anonymous asked: Red, can you hear us?

He looks at you, licking dryly at his mouth, his eyes fluttering. Eventually, he shuffles into a less awkward position, rising onto his calves and palms. You can see his whole body tremble.

He’s strong and he has been for a long time.

He reaches out to pull you into his hand. He’ll try to get up in a minute, he thinks. Oh, a coherent thought, is his second coherent thought. He laughs to himself, his head swimming. He’s a fish, pushing up silt, floating along the bottom of a black ocean.

Anonymous asked: Damn it, is there a way we can get Max's attention? There's no way Jackie got far, do we have a blinky light or something??

If Max can find him, the cops can find him.

Then again, figures Red dully, he said he had been looking for Jackie for a long time. Maybe he’ll keep looking. Even if the person he’s looking for is dead and has been for a long time. Red pulls at his hair, whimpering.

Anonymous asked: I have a feeling he’d forgive you if you asked him for help, love. He seemed to really, really care about you. He respected you too.

Yeah, he was nice, thinks Red, he was, he didn’t touch me when I told him to, he was okay.

Can’t start thinking like that, just lose him to Anti, just hurts more… No one would want him like this anyway. No, no pity party, no more fucking around, he had promised Dapper. He wants Dapper. He’s moving again, slow, his hand on the wall beside him, his head hanging low.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Hey Red? You're going to be okay, honey. You are SO strong. You will be okay. Right now, we need to get you help.

I think I freaked out, Red registers dully. I think I just flipped the fuck out.

He’s moving, oh. He didn’t notice. One foot at a time. There’s a blur of light in front of his eyes. A casino. He thinks maybe he recognizes it. The lights are pink. They caught his attention. But when? Which direction? He stares around him. He feels like he’s a sardine and the can around him was just peeled open and now the whole world is staring at his little wriggly body, his eyes fixed morbidly open. He tries to blink and it hurts his head.

Anonymous asked: Bring Max to Dapper, Red! He might be able to help both of you

“Where is he?” mumbles Red. “I knew him…”

Anonymous asked: Do you know which direction you came from? You could try to backtrack a bit to see if you could run into him.

He stares around him. Nothing seems familiar but the casino. Wait - a Subway, buried in the wall, dirty and silent at this time of night. There’s a dumpster out back. Tuna sandwich.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Is this where you found the food for you and Dap, honey???

“I guess,” he mumbles. “Love eating like a rat.”

He didn’t want to steal anything. Scared of getting in trouble with the cops. He laughs low in his chest. Nice work, Red.

Anonymous asked: Red, buddy, I know you're hungry, but please do not eat out of the garbage

“Not right now,” he sighs, turning in circles, trying to find out where he is.

Anonymous asked: Oh, thank god, a land mark. Red, do you remember the way back from here? Be safe, might be best to stay out of sight since you're... bloody and covered in bruising.

Good advice. He feels so gross. Suddenly, he has a desperate desire to see what was inside that room back at the house in the middle of the trees, Jackie’s room with the pictures and notes and newspaper clippings on the door, all arranged like there was something funny about it. He imagines a big, sunny room. The smell of linen and Febreeze, maybe a little sweat, too, but not too much. Clean clothes arrayed colorfully in a cool dark closet. Everything tucked neatly away. A freshly made bed. Green sheets.

He laughs to himself, confused by the thought. He doesn’t know why the sheets would be green. Pictures of his family on the bedside drawer. Laughter through the walls.

Anonymous asked: Sorry about pressuring so much at once. Sent all my messages right after each other, and I couldn't read how upset you were, Red. I feel cruel after seeing how much it upset you.

“Oh, too fast,” he laughs. “I get it. I’m supposed to be able to take it, right?”

He shivers slightly and adjusts his jacket.

“Everybody always expects me to. Anti doesn’t like to say I’m autistic, did you know that? He says I just freak out sometimes.”

Red swallows and glances around.

Anonymous asked: Shit. Can you turn back, Jackie? Retrace your steps?

He wanders down the street, turning his head side to side, the sense of familiarity growing a little. Is this close to where he carried Dap, with his body so heavy in Red’s arms, stiff and tired?

He looked after Dap. Dap let him. Dap rested.

Why does he never let Dap look after him?

Anonymous asked: What would help you right now, bud? Do you need to stop and stim for a second? A poem you like? Stay calm, it's gonna be alright

“No stimming,” he laughs wearily, swaying as he walks. “Way too much - way too much everything already. Too loud.”

A poem. His eyes water for a second. He pauses to rest and bows his head. He can hear Blue, but doesn’t remember the words, not well.

“Did you want to see me shaken? Bowed head and lowered eyes…”

Joy on his brother’s face.

“Ro? Ro? I don’t want to die.”

Be good, Blue.

This is the back of the motel.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: That doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you, Ro. It just means that there's another part of you to love! We are all different. Just have to embrace who you are :)

“You guys are all crazy sweet,” he manages, wiping at his face, touched despite himself. “But you’ll have to wait til I’m a little less tired for me to appreciate you like you deserve. Maybe… maybe talk about it, I don’t know, I’m not really supposed to, but… maybe I should, sometime.”

Anonymous asked: Hey love it’s okay! Does anything seem more familiar now that you’ve identified that?

“Room number,” he mumbles, trying to remember. He knew it. He had it. He’s good with numbers. “I think… first floor, I…”

It’s gone.

“No, no,” he croaks. “How do I find it?”

Anonymous asked: Be safe please Red. You really need to be bandaged up. You had a backpack with you. Do you still have it? Is there anything in there you can use? Or, at least could you make a tourniquet out of your hoodie, for the bullet wound?

“Shit, that was a good idea, wrapping up,” he mumbles, slurring a little from fatigue. “Should have listened to you when I was farther away. Got my backpack. Not much in there. But the medicine I stole. Not even sure it’s what Dapper needs. And the machete. Oh, the key to the handcuffs…”

He reaches slowly around to get it out of the side pocket.

pixie-in-trebleland asked: Red, you can listen to us or not. That is your choice, in the end. But get back to Dapper or go back to Max. You need to keep going, okay?

“Keep going, keep going,” he mumbles to himself, beginning to walk past the rooms. “I need help… I need someone…”

Anonymous asked: Bud, think about it, he didn’t attack you, when you asked him not to touch you he didn’t, in fact he backed up and showed you his hands so you could see them! He gave you honest information so that you knew who he was, not any type of lie. He said he wasn’t going to hurt you, and I’m sure he was scared or nervous after seeing you for the first time in ages, but he wasn’t going to hurt you. I don’t think he would have even thought about it. I know you don’t want to see him but he could help you.

“Do you really think he knew me from so long ago?” whispers Red, trailing dazedly around. “He told me he didn’t want to hurt me. He would be really nice if it were all true. I don’t know. I think sometimes the world puts shit in front of you just to make fun of you. Cause you can’t have it.”

Anonymous asked: You’re right, Red. You can’t keep doing it alone. Max could help both you and Dapper. Would you want to give it a chance?

“Probably drove him away now.” Red must pause to lean against the wall, and you hear him giggle, apparently for no reason. “Safer just to… stay away from people. You know? Do you? Sometimes I feel like you don’t get it at all, but then you say nicer things and I… I’m autistic, you know, that’s okay, like - I like to hear that, I do.”

He’s drifting a little, his eyes getting heavier, slurring worse. He laughs again. You think that’s a laugh.

Anonymous asked: Jackie, when you're not even showing trust in yourself that's a sign that you may need to rely on someone else a little. And sometimes trust requires a bit of faith first, and that can be daunting, but some help is better than none when you're spiraling like this. Max can help you, so can Dapper, and so can you you but you need to accept it first.

He’s beginning to shake again. Maybe shock. He’s very white.

“Should have let him at least… explain.” Red stumbles drowsily. “Would have liked to know where I knew him from. So pretty.”

He blushes red and giggles, nearly tripping again.

“So much blood on my jacket… fucking dirty… bet he thinks I’m g-gross. Compared with him? Pshh. Forget it. Dap? You hear me? I’m real tired, Dap.”

Anonymous asked: You'll have that, Red, all that and more, we promise. Just stay calm and retrace your steps.

“Okay, moving, moving,” he whispers to himself, trailing down the wall, and then - at last - he sees the little cuff wrapped around the doorway, and he remembers. Room 119. He chokes on the relief of it, but, fuck, does he really have to go in there as this much of a failure? Shit, but he wants someone to clean him up right now. So fucking gross. He hates blood. He never understood that about Anti, the way he would laugh while they were both coated in it. He just never seems to care about anything, and Red -

No, no, focus for two more seconds, Ro. It’s okay. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and grabs the doorhandle, fumbling with the key.

Anonymous asked: That's right calming breaths 1..2..3.. keep doing them until you feel like you have the ground below your feet again. For now don't think about the heavy stuff, don't think about the far future. Just think about what you and Dap need for NOW and that's a safe place to recover your strength. Once you're better you should go back to where Dap is, you'll probably run into Max but you'll be better prepared now. Just tell him you can talk later but you and your brother needs help now.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Ground beneath his feet. Run into Max.

For a second, he lets himself imagine it: the familiar stranger on the other side of the door, already looking after Dapper, so Red would know he was safe. He would see Red and hold his hands out all safe and slow again, and Red could let himself faint, and then - well, he’d just be forced to trust him. To use a little of that faith you were talking about. And maybe, then, oh, he can see it - he’d wake up bandaged and maybe even clean. Maybe even Max would get him something to eat. And wash his clothes for him. And say nice things. He’s so tired. He doesn’t know why he’s laughing. Was he supposed to be doing something?

There’s a faint, sleepy tongue-clicking from the other side of the door. Oh, right, the door. He pushes the key in, struggling to twist it, sighing as he hears shuffling in the bed and footsteps padding towards him.

Anonymous asked: Alright, alright, um... Do you see Dap anywhere nearby? As long as you get to Dap I'm sure we can explain things and you could get a lil rest from earlier. -🦀

“Dap?” he croaks through the door.

A whistle. A click. He glances up and sees a bright blue eye - oh, no, a little silver in it - staring back at him through the crack in the door, very wide.

“Oh, no,” he worries, finally unlocking the door and tumbling inside. “You - you okay, Dapper?”

Dapper stares at him, mouth slightly open.

“Blood,” he signs after a moment, pointing.

Red shivers.

“Oh, yeah,” he croaks, collapsing. “Almost forgot about that.”

Dapper’s arms catch him firmly.

Anonymous asked: Hey Dap, buddy can you hear me? Can you try to perform some basic first aid on Red for now? Can't have him bleeding out and all that. Just wrap some makeshift bandage, cloth, an actual roll of bandage, handkerchief or whatever around the wound and put some pressure on it. -🦀

Dapper, to his everlasting credit, is not frozen for one second.

He doesn’t remember much right now. It was a slow, tired night, fighting with monsters who weren’t real, trying to find his old name again, missing any comforting memory, and missing worse any company. He had a two hour conversation with his bear before he realized it was his bear, which was embarrassing even alone. He tried, for a few minutes, to break the beam of the door that held the handcuffs, feeling angry and malicious towards… someone.

But it doesn’t matter now. And it doesn’t matter if he remembers exactly who they were before or who they used to be to the other, because he remembers, if nothing else, how to take care of his family.

Alone for months and Anti never stripped that away, not deep enough, not truly.

He carries Red into the bathroom and sits him down on the seat of the toilet, tapping his chin to keep him from dozing off and whistling a song Red likes. Dermot Kennedy, he thinks. For Red, he knows that name better than his own right now. He is pulling Red’s hoodie off his head as his brother rambles.

“I need to tell you - I saw this guy, and he was like… oh, but Dapper, I shouldn’t have, like - like I need to apologize, I do, I’m sorry, I was dumb, I was really dumb and you told me so, but I didn’t want - I didn’t want - helpless, all the time, so tired of not being able to save you, and I - ”

Dapper cups his chin and pulls his head up so he can look at him. He tangles his hand in Red’s hair for a moment, pulling gently, before he draws away and signs.

“Don’t worry about anything right now,” he says softly. “Just let me look after you. We’ll talk later. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Red is crying. Dapper puts his hand gently on the back of his head and pulls him to rest on his shoulder. Keeps whistling, warm and slow, as he sees the bullet wound in his shoulder. No matter. He’ll get it out.

Just rest. He is stroking it into Red’s shoulder. Let me bear it.

Anonymous asked: Err, James? Why are your eyes silver?

“Sorry,” Dapper signs to you quickly. “A little worked up earlier. Thought I might have to change something. Maybe I still should? Convince him not to go? Then again, I don’t… remember where he was going. Confused night.”

He strokes his mustache for a second, eyes a little distant.

“No, no, I won’t be able to go back like this, not well, psychotic and not remembering. Can’t even find an anchor point. If I can’t remember what to go back to, I can’t go back to it. Is it fading, now?”

He peers at you, blinking. His eyes are not as silver as they were when Red left.

Anonymous asked: yes, it's fading - don't go back, JJ. Something important happened tonight

“Oh?” Dap tilts his head at you sweetly, still deep enough in his head that he’ll beg with his eyes for what he wants. “Important?”

He pauses and his eyes clear for a moment.

“If it’s just that he’s got my medicine, don’t worry, I’d rather he not be shot.”

Anonymous asked: Okay, good. Thanks for taking care of Red, Dap. He's pretty exhausted after all the emotional turmoil today so he really really needs you right now. Just give him some time to basically recharge. Anyway, Red met someone who knew the him from his old name. They've apparently been searching for Red for a while now and seemed really concerned about him. I was thinking maybe once Red's better you could convince him to go seek some aid from the guy if possible. -🦀

“Met someone?” Dapper tilts his head back and forth, thinking. “Maybe I will find him in my head sometime. Maybe not. Oh, go get help? I’m not allowed to leave my room… maybe Red or Anti would go for me?”

He is swiping blood rapidly from Red’s arm, barely pausing to talk to you moment to moment.

“I’m glad Anti is letting me be with my big brother again,” he confesses after a moment. “Even if only because he’s hurt. I used to always clean him up after he would go do his chores. And he would hold me.”

Dapper presses himself close to Red, getting a clear look at the bullet in his arm.

Anonymous asked: Hello Jamie, it’s been a very long night and em Ro here got shot and the bullet is still in his arm and he really needs a bath? Also we met a very nice man named Max and then Jackie had a meltdown in the street and that wasn’t great. Speaking of which if he’s comfortable with it could you give him a big hug for us? I would really like to give him a hug.

Dapper turns you away for a second and you hear a shout, seeing Red’s back spasm for a second, his muscles tighten, and then he groans and slumps down again. Dapper drops a bloodied bullet and his own bloodied knife into the sink and turns you back again.

Bandages, shit. He stares around the room. Towels will have to do. Anti won’t mind if he tears a couple up, right? He’s already started to get used to his new room. They move a lot. He scratched a picture of a duck into the wall when he was waiting for someone to come home to him. Maybe Anti will get him charcoals soon and he can really get into it. He grabs his knife, twirling it neatly in his hands before tearing the nearest towel into strips and beginning to tie his brother’s arm up.

He pauses just to hold onto the back of Red’s head for a moment. Dapper’s shirt is getting wet where his head lies.

Red cries softly against his neck. Dapper strokes his hair. Never his skin. Dapper knows. The important things stick around somewhere, at least some of them. At least enough of them. They are still brothers.

He wraps his arms gently around Red’s waist and squeezes gently, rocking them back and forth a little, on his knees with Red splayed across him, clutching wearily at his stained white dress shirt.

“Bath,” signs Dapper softly, getting to his feet.

Anonymous asked: No! No, I think that you don't have to go back. Red is... He'll most likely recover from this just give him some time and affection. It's prolly good that you guys have a possible person to go to now the person looked pretty concerned when he found Red. Seems that the guy, Max, knew him from Before. Also the silver is sort of fading now. -🦀

“Max,” says Dapper, signing out the letters, slow, thinking for a moment. “I don’t know… I’m not supposed to talk to anyone but my big brothers, so Red would know better than I.”

“He was a tiger,” whispers Red, clinging to Dapper’s shirt. Dapper pats the hem of his pants gently, Red nods, and a moment later you are turned towards the wall as Dapper helps him undress.

“A tiger,” you hear Red again, soft and a little weepy, and Dapper whistles his song clearly into the walls of the bathroom as the water comes on. Soft water laps around the edges of the tub. Red is breathing like he’s asleep already. The mirror fogs from the warmth of it. Dapper keeps whistling. Low and slow. Washing Red clean.

Anonymous asked: Jameson would if you let him, Red.

And this, as it turns out, is the most wonderful truth.

“I didn’t think it was you,” mumbles Red.

He feels a pointer finger tap along his chin. “Who?”

“A memory,” he answers, eyes closed, slumped down in the bath. Warm water slides down his neck. A washcloth sops him clean. Never just fingers - he hates, hates, hates flesh on his flesh - but the soft scratch of the washcloth on his skin. “Or a dream, maybe.”

Dapper is singing for him, a song he can’t remember anymore.

“This person who looked like you… cleaning the blood off of me.”

Dapper covers his eyes and massages shampoo into his hair with his free hand. Red isn’t sure if he’s asleep or not by the time the water begins to drain away and soft hands pull him out of the tub and begin toweling the water off of him. His hair is soft and fluffy and he can smell just soap now. His arm stings badly, but he’s had worse. What matters is that he’s being helped into clean boxers and then -

When was the last time he slept in a bed?

He can’t help but moan and he hears a faint, warm titter, opening his eyes to see Dapper standing over him, wet with blood and water, but smiling for him, small and concerned.

“But it was you,” he murmurs. “It was you who cleaned me up and put me to bed. I’d just… forgotten.”

“I always clean you up,” whisper Dapper’s hands, pausing to brush hair from Red’s eyes. “That’s what twins are for, right?”

Red stares at him.

“What?”

Warm blankets rise over him and sink down.

“You’re tired.” Dapper pulls the sheets to his chin and Red feels his eyelids drifting despite the questions sitting on his tongue. “Get some sleep. Don’t know when Anti will need you again. Have to rest.”

“Dapper?” Red tries, but he is already drifting away.

He feels, for a moment, the words “I love you” pressed against his heart. He’s so warm. He’s so tired. He thinks he manages to get the correct response out, but he isn’t sure. A warm weight sinks into the bed beside him. He curls closer to it in his sleep.

Tonight, this is the only truth that matters.

Dapper lies in bed beside him, and he watches over his brother.

Just like he does every night, right?

End Section Six of Chapter Three: Old Friends

[markley]

amortentia — wjh

summary — where complicated feelings are so easily revealed with a simple potion

genre — hogwarts au, fantasy, fluff, comedy

warnings — n/a

word count — 2.5k

a/n — my first harry potter au! if u arent a slytherin im sorry :(

“hello class,” your potions proffesor says, looking out to the rest of the tired morning class. “for the next few days we are learning about amortentia. can anyone tell me what it is?”

many hands raise, not including your own. you knew, but didnt really care enough to answer the question, opting to read the section on the strong love potion in the textbook in front of you. suddenly, something hits the back of your head, and you turn to face wen junhui, or jun, balling up another piece of small parchment in his hands.

if there is one word to describe jun, it’s infuriating. normally, students from the same house tend to get along, but that definitely did not occur between you and jun, both headstrong slytherins with a need to be right— not traits for a good friendship.

it started when junhui questioned whether you were talented or not, as you were always so quiet and never showed any particular skill in wizadry. he challenged you to a duel, and lost. ever since then he has made it his duty to bother and annoy you until school ends, while you make sure to never give him the last laugh.

honestly, the bickering has just become a game of cat and mouse, and although its tiring, you wont lose. besides, what’s the fun in that?

“uh,” you start awkwardly, fully aware of jun’s silent laugh behind you. “a strong love potion that causes obsession rather than actual love? i believe it also varies in smell.”

“uh,” you start awkwardly, fully aware of jun’s silent laugh behind you. “a strong love potion that causes obsession rather than actual love? i believe it also varies in smell.”

“uh,” you start awkwardly, fully aware of jun’s silent laugh behind you. “a strong love potion that causes obsession rather than actual love? i believe it also varies in smell.”

mr. min looks satisfied, shaking through his dark hair with a hand. “correct, but don’t think i won’t notice you not paying attention ms. kwon.” he continues on explaining the properties of the tonic. you turn around slightly to glare at a smirking junhui, clearly proud. you shake your head, already thinking of ways to get him back.

the rest of the class period consisted of you taking notes on both the actual subject and mental notes on ways to make jun’s life absolutely miserable. the bell finally rings, signaling the end of class, and you jump up before jun is able to talk to you like he always insists.

you hear his annoying—albeit nice—voice from behind you, a teasing pout. with a roll of your eyes, you walk away to find your brother, soonyoung, knowing he’s somewhere in the hallways near you. although he is a hufflepuff, and an annoying as hell brother, you found him much easier to get along with than those of your own house— example? jun. obviously. 

soonyoung giggles as you approach him, a teasing smile playing along his lips. “aw, look at that. mr. slytherin is sad you’re avoiding him.” he says. you punch the redhead’s arm, not even needing to look back to know he’s right. jun always pouts. soonyoung insists he really likes you, but you know better—if the constant teasing and pranking is anything to go by. besides, you hated the boy anyway, even though soonyoung disagrees with that as well.

mr. min yells out a small “remember to be prepared tomorrow” throughout the dungeon hall. you turn to the professor, allowing junhui to finally catch up to you, putting an arm around your shoulder, with soonyoung long gone. “hey babe,” jun says, grinning, “good job on that thing today. fucking hilarious.” rolling your eyes, you shrug his arm off.

“fuck--”

“me?”

“off!” you correct, groaning internally at his constant teasing. he just smiles that same crooked grin before walking away with a mumble you didn't quite catch but sounded something like ‘you would.’ oh, how you hate him. or at least that’s what you tell yourself. 

whether you hated the guy or not, he was undeniably gorgeous and sometimes— only sometimes— kind of funny. but you still hated him. never have you been so easily annoyed with a human being before. 

with a small shake of your head, you walk back to your dorm to think of a way to embarrass junhui after potions today. you get there quickly as its right by potions class, but even by this time you had an idea, and not a pretty one. 

if there was one thing junhui prided himself on, it was his skillset. whether that was charms or potions, he was cocky about succeeding in it all. using this, you think of a great way to embarrass him the way you were embarrassed earlier— making a fool out of himself under mr min’s eye. oh how very fun this will be. 

on the other side of school, jun was bribing soonyoung for information on you, already knowing you were attempting to get back at him. you were known for needing the last word, after all. soonyoung being the kind hufflepuff brother he is, at least tried to avoid jun, but eventually gave up at jun’s offer of endless sweets. can you blame him? well yes, and you do the next day before potions when he lets it slip that he told junhui the name of your old crush— not that junhui knows its old. 

how you and soonyoung are siblings? you will never know.

the only thing giving you solace from punching soonyoung in the face is knowing the prank you are about to pull on junhui. the prank in question is completely fucking up his potion, a prank soonyoung called “absolute evil.”

in class, you were to make your own batch of amortentia, a difficult feat on its own, although quite easy for you and jun. the best part is to soon come, when you throw in something most definitely not in the potion. specifically something to make it explode.

maybe soonyoung was right. mr. min was not an easy teacher to impress but was definitely an easy teacher to disappoint—and jun hates disappointing professors.

you were evil. guess thats why you fit perfectly in slytherin—or atleast according to the rest of the school.

when class starts, mr. min is already talking about failure. “don’t worry,” he says, “i already know most of you will fail.” with that last piece of what was probably meant to be encouragement, everyone begins to work on the difficult potion.

soon after everyone barely makes it to the middle of the workload, you have already finished, and jun is right behind you. he moved away from his cauldron to fetch the last ingredient, and you take it as your time to throw in a little bit of porcupine quills quickly, an easy way to make his potion turn into something not made for love.

with a small smile at no one noticing, you return to your own finished product, mr. min looking at it in satisfaction. suddenly, a small pop is heard from behind you where jun is standing in front of a bright green potion— well, more like covered in it.

you burst into silent giggles at his predicament, mr. min having an opposite reaction, instead glaring at the failure. junhui himself glares too, but instead at you, with eyes full of hatred. you can’t help the feeling of pride spreading across your chest, which then drops at mr. mins snarl.

“who did it?” he asks, looking around and then stopping at you. you throw your hands up in the air with an exclamation of ‘it wasn’t me!’. the professor doesn’t seem convinced, raising an eyebrow. he then plucks a porcupine quill off your robes, and you give up. “that’s what i thought.”

you look over to jun, standing still in the green mess, but with an obvious smirk on his face. you mentally face palm at yourself for failing at making jun an embarrassment. fuck the little shithead...

“the both of you,” mr. min speaks, pointing to a downtrodden and no longer smiling junhui, “are to clean this mess up, as well as the entire class. oh, and the storage while you are at it. don’t break anything.” and with a small groan of protest from jun, the class is dismissed. mr. min struts out of the dungeon classroom, but not before flicking his wand towards jun’s robes, now spotless.

with a slam of the dungeon door, you and junhui are left alone. “this is your fault,” junhui snarls, pointing a perfectly manicured finger in your direction. “why do i always get looped in with you?!”

“because you started it. and you always retaliate.” you say with ever growing frustration. jun groans in irritation, looking as if ready to stab you at any given moment.

“how the hell are you and soonyoung siblings?” he asks, shaking his head while walking to the corner to begin cleaning.

“i ask myself that question everyday.”

after that small conversation, the two of you start cleaning up the green mess and then the rest of the dungeon classroom. it took a good hour or two, and you still hadnt even organized the messy storage yet. the entire time while cleaning you and junhui hadnt talked to each other, only sparing a few hate-filled glances and eye rolls.

the storage closet was a mess of premade potions and ingredients. it was so chaotic you feel the need to ask mr. min the last time he even thought about organizing it. shelves upon shelves held bottles of colors: red to black to clear. almost every potion in existence was held in this small closet.

you can’t help but find your fingertips brushing across the bottles of pretty tonics. jun follows you into the small space to clean after seeing you ogling instead of doing your job. “get to cleaning.” he says, already starting his organization process of what seems to be putting the potions in rainbow order.

rolling your eyes, you begin to help, grabbing the bottles of liquid. a small bright pink vial grabs your attention as you brush through the bottled ingredients. you pick it up, swishing the thick potion within the glass. with a cock of your head, you open it to be met with a strong fume of what seems to smell like... junhui? the boy in question is still diligently cleaning the small closet behind you, unknowingly to you, staring at you from his peripheral vison.

you take another sniff, hoping to be wrong—but no. that smell is distinctly jun; musky yet sweet. a hand grabs the bottle from you, peering at the label. “what does it smell like?” jun asks, raising an eyebrow at your extremely confused expression. “it’s amortentia, dumbass.”

at this, you grab the potion back, not believing him. there is no way in hell amortentia would smell like jun. however, the infuriating guy was right. the bottle was in fact labeled amortentia. your breathing hitches, and you can’t seem to come up with any words— or even look up at the boy in front of you.

jun seems to get more confused every second you dont answer him. “um, y/n? you alive there?” you finally look up, coughing awkwardly and handing him the vial back.

“yeah, im fine dork.”

“ouch. dork? im a nerd at best.”

“shut up, you nerd.” he smiles at your unconscious correction, turning back to the amortentia bottle unaware to the racing thoughts and heart you are currently dealing with internally. why, why would amortentia smell like the one person you hate the most behind soonyoung?!

“i bet it smells like minghao.” at this blunt statement you snap your head to a smirking jun. “i mean, you do like him right?” you remember soonyoung saying how jun bribed him with chocolate for this information and you write a mental note to kill your brother later.

“liked,” you mumble, walking as far away from the grinning asshole in front of you. the last thing you need is junhui teasing you about a crush while the strongest love potion ever smells like him. “as in no longer. over. done with. blah blah blah.”

“anyway, are you almost done with the rest of the potions?” you quickly change the subject of your old crush and the potion that reeks of your number one enemy. the questions in your head still wont end and you want to leave as soon as possible.

“wait wait wait,” jun says, very insistent. “if you dont like minghao anymore, who does it smell like?”

“why the fuck do you care, junhui?”

“i dont,” he says, twidling his thumbs awkwardly, but still staring you down with his dark eyes. “im just... curious.” that isnt entirely true and you can hear it in his hesitant voice.

you groan and glare at the brunet boy. you take the bottle, and pretend to smell it again, but already know your answer. it smells like the forest you found him in one night after curfew, that you just happened to be sneaking out to as well—that was the first time you two ever got along, agreeing to not turn each other in. the potion also smells of the fruity shampoo jun uses, and the mint gum he always chews. you hate to admit it, but the potion smells exactly like how you envision jun. and whatever that may mean, its true.

“the forbidden forest at midnight, mint gum and lemon-y shampoo.” you finally answer after a lot of internal debate of whether to be honest or not. pushing the bottle back to him, you begin to leave the small closet like space. jun reaches out an arm quickly, grabbing on to your wrist.

“that,” he starts, recognizing the scents as his own. “smells like-“

“i know,” you whisper, pulling your arm away. not ready to take his reaction, you start to run away and jun’s next words are the only thing that stop you.

“do you want to know what it smells like to me?” junhui says hopefully, but entirely expecting you to walk away. “hair dye and strawberries.” stopping, you turn back to jun. he had moved closer, now nose to nose with you. your breath hitches, and you almost think you arent breathing. “just like the purple hair dye you put in my shampoo and the strawberries i always see you eat every. single. meal.”

you look up to meet his piercing eyes that bore into yours with such intensity it takes your breath away. you look away for him to softly grab your chin. “look at me, please.” his voice is the softest you’ve ever heard it, just a whisper.

“what does that mean, jun?”

“it means look at me.” you glare up at him, him chuckling in return. he places his forehead against yours, and the exact mint gum scent that you smelled in the love tonic hits your nose. “it means i like you, dork.” jun’s lips move closer to yours every word he speaks until they are just barely touching

“im a nerd at best.” you mumble before pushing your mouth against what you believed to be your enemy’s. mental note: kill soonyoung later, for being right

maybe there really is a thin line between love and hate.