#i know what you are dan and phil (murderers)
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hey uhhhhh what the fuck







and why are most of us dannies like is this why dannies are the way we are
#i know what you are dan and phil (murderers)#dan and phil are killing phannie dads and getting away with it#i’m gonna regret this simply because i’m not comfortable with people who haven’t lost a dad joking about my dead dad or dead dads in genera#anyway this explains why we’re all so fucked up#phanspiracy pheory#dnp#dan and phil#phan#dan howell#daniel howell#amazingphil#phil lester#danisnotonfire#yeet my deenp#yeet my deet#dip and pip#d&p#danandphgames#tw dead dad#tw grief#tw father loss#tw death of a parent#dannies#phillies#phannies#dnptwt#dead dad club#pp42??#dnp described
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I’ve decided to try compile my top ten, post hiatus videos, don’t hate me these are just my options, some of them even I don’t understand, this will not include ongoing series so no Tik Tok vids or Phan twitter or poppys playtime because those would take up too much space, so without further ado, for your viewing pleasure, my top ten post hiatus Dan and Phil videos as of today:

#10, the power washing video, not only is it so calming and satisfying to watch but I love how real they are and the fact that Phil leaves to have a bath, he’s so me, I do love when they play a slower game and just have chats in-between game play.

#9 the don’t scream video, this one is so weirdly soothing for me, I think because I’ve seen it so many times that I know when the jump scares are so I just get to enjoy 17 minutes of dan and Phil whispering and holding each others hands, very nice very good

#8 need I say more, it’s fantastic, love seeing that in the absolutely wildest fantasy medieval scenarios they can think of they both include them being happy together and basically dying in each others arms, very cute, it would be higher if it wasn’t sponsored by that weird game but hey, the boys have to pay that phortgage

#7 DATE NIGHT??? Honestly the fact that they call each other their “partner” the entire time and dan calling out Phil for being like “no homo” it feels like they’re edging us with the hard launch, like we KNOW NOW KISS ALREADY, also the murder on the dance floor little jam sesh, yeah… love it

#6 I love them making observations about each other, the roasting is so clever and playful that it’s not super like “are they actually mad at each other? They’re so cute and it’s really feels like a married couple being like “love you but also I’m going to roast your ass”

#5 this one is a bit similar to #7 but I think it’s slightly higher because I think they both look absolutely GORGEOUS, the silk is doing something, and the content is just banging, it’s the origin of “lamp gate” plus dan just getting crunk on amaretto, good for him, I may have slight recency bias though because I just watched this video again

#4 again probs recency bias but this video is so good, lore bombs AND competition AND it’s a dan vs phil, plus they are so funny in this, dans… outburst, hardest I’ve laughed at a dan and phil video in a little bit

#3 the camera angle, hi dads, Dan helping Phil sort out his drink, chivalry, the background is gorg, they are gorg, honestly any of the dragon city sponsored videos are so good, they seem like they’re having fun, very very good video

#2 I LOVE this video, they compliment each other throughout, they’re reminiscing, they’re cringing, dan looks like a grippy sock, and even more lore bombs it’s probably my most watched video from after the hiatus

#1 the light of my life, she is so beautiful, so horny, so funny, the bits in this like the oven being kinky, love they’re so playful and the baking is successful??????? Honestly probably my all time favourite baking video
And that’s that, I know I’ve definitely forgotten a banger video and I’m going to want to change this instantly but for now, here she is, lmk if you agree, what are your top 10?
#dan and phil#dan howell#daniel howell#phil lester#amazing phil#dan and phil games#dnp games#hey phil look at this#phan#dip and pip#top 10 list#post hiatus#dnp#dnpgames
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Finally talking about the dream I had about Dan and Phil before tour started (I am aware it sounds insane which is why I haven't told this for months):
In fan photos from the European leg of the tour, Dan's knuckles were constantly bloody. He never mentioned it or anything, but it was long enough that it wasn't just a one-off thing. The phandom decided this was the one time for not speculating and having boundaries, and remarkably said nothing. The vibe was very much "eh, his hands got fucked up and we're focused on the tour content." The mainstream news, though, was OBSESSED. Like, CNN was regularly running stories asking why Dan's hands were always bloody, trying to get the inside info on these touring youtubers.
I was a reporter at the time, and I was assigned to follow Dan and Phil and figure out what was up. Which at first was sort of fine, then I felt really shitty about it because I was basically spying on them and getting weird paparazzi shots. And it was clear that my job required me to be spying on them and basically harassing them. The media (including me) were so invasive that they had to cancel the tour bus in america, and decided to do the entire tour by boat (how they were going to reach cities that didn't have a coast or river idk). But on the phyacht, no one could follow them the way they could with a bus.
Except for me, because I snuck onto the fucking boat.
Then I see Dan, crawling up the stairs from the inside of the boat to the deck on his hands and knees, knuckles down on the metal stairs. He does this every single time and refuses to walk up the stairs normally, and clearly this is why his hands are always bloody. Great news for my job, except it's the worst answer to know because Dan doing this constantly and not telling anyone means he's either having a mental break or it's a really weird kink, neither of which I want to be publicly reported on.
Of course, it's not that big of a boat and Dan and Phil find out I've stowed away on it and they're fucking pissed, which is understandable. I try from then on to leave them the fuck alone, I keep my distance on the boat now that I have an answer. (They also can't kick me off the boat, because of some obscure journalism law?)
So I keep following them into every venue, and they look like they want to murder me 24/7, meanwhile I'm scoping out the back of the theaters to check for other photographers because I don't want someone else to find out and write something worse than whatever I'll inevitably have to report. One time I see there's a room full of people they don't know about and I try to whisper at them to go the other way, but they don't listen and do it anyway. And I'm just there like ugh, please just listen to me, I swear I'm trying to help you.
And I'm stalling and stalling trying to give them time to fix it or say something and not have to leak this info, because clearly they don't want this to be public and it's going to be mega-viral the moment I say something.
Anyway, the dream sort of faded out there but for whatever fucking reason this is what my subconscious generated.
#i have strange dreams a lot but this is the only one ive had about dnp#like why was i having anxiety dreams on their behalf#dan and phil#dnp#phan
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wdapteo thoughts
the way phil brings up phurtis LESS THAN A MINUTE INTO THE VIDEO is so unnerving. get out of my house !!!!!!
dan telling us that there were not poppers at their new years eve party. Okay
geese ball
only emo fringe and phlonde have ever existed ? whatever you say babygirl
i weep for the never to be unearthed texts like this sent during the closet years
"i went to post something and you were scared cause i disappeared" :| im normal
i love supersiezer's minecraft edits cause these two himbos dont know shit about minecraft
"spoonbill" "chunk" "you brew" as a bird autism haver what are you saying about her
omg i know her!!!!!!!!!!
TEXT ME MURDER?
phil is so me i love a coat i love a jacket
literally on my priv masto account LAST WEEK i made the "someone you know is a dan and phil fan" meme my pinned
roblox (exploding boar head) is everything to me
context absolutely makes the abs (APPARENTLY FROM A FETISH SITE) way fucking worse
the fucking jockstrap..... dan you cant you coudlnt possibly you cant you wouldnt I WAS IN ROW 5 YOU CANT
god i love roller coasters. hes just like me fr i would also try to make phil do the scary drop tower
need to cross reference this with tour dates but i cba rn
(phil about the dullet) shes beautiful
us: climbing the walls. phil: your "package" "came" in the "male"
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𝗗𝗪 𝗕𝗼𝘆𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 "𝗕𝗮𝗯𝗲"
Characters: Jake, Richy, Dan, Thomas, Phil, Alan
Warnings: None, I guess. Phil got slightly suggestive but it's Phil so. Oh, and no beta read.
A/n: Hey, look what this is. A little, silly, headcanon thingy. What can I say? No idea how I came up with it. But I was bored. Don't expect too much. It's small and it's silly, as I said. Hope you like it anyway. ����
𝗝𝗔𝗞𝗘
Oh boy, he would freeze on the spot and be unable to move.
He would stare at the table as if he could set it on fire with his eyes. Although he has clearly heard the nickname, his mind needs a few more moments until it has seeped through every cell of his body and the real meaning breaks over him.
You could swear the man is starting to shake with tension.
He is completely shocked that you give someone like him a pet name and indirectly express your feelings for him.
On the inside he explodes with joy and in his imagination a tear rolls over his cheek which he holds back in reality with everything he has.
Either way, he would be absolutely powerless against the crooked grin which is slowly creeping over his lips, so he does nothing but let it happen.
He has clenched his hands into fists and his cheeks turn slightly red in embarrassment but he has to hear it again.
"Can you repeat it?" he would whisper with broken voice.
You would of course repeat it and it would burn into his memory and he is one hundred percent sure that this is the most beautiful thing he has ever heard.
If possible his love for you would increases even further and if you would ask him right now to commit a murder for you then he would only ask which weapon you want him to use.
If he were to stand, his knees would probably give in and he would collapse.
He’s completely at your mercy.
𝗥𝗜𝗖𝗛𝗬
Pah, the hyperactive rubber ball would lose all composure.
He would look at you with the widest grin and you would be worried that his cheeks would tear open as much as he smiles at you.
He would wrap his arms around you to pull you happily in for a hug. Probably the hug is a little too tight.
He would kiss your forehead and then rattle down all the pet names he can think of to test what would be the best name for you and how it feels to pronounce it.
He would continue without interruption throughout the entire day.
𝗗𝗔𝗡
Pff, Dan is a macho.
That man would immediately start grinning like the greatest charmer and would tease you with it.
"Well, see, see, babe it is now, huh? Took long enough. But I’ve known for a very long time that you call me that every night in your dreams, I mean, how could you not"
He would smirk sinfully before placing his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to kiss you.
Then he would whisper "I love you too, babe" against your lips.
𝗧𝗛𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗦
What should happen? The guy’s a puppy through and through.
He would look at you like he was your pet and you just showed him his favorite little toy and he would be waiting for you to finally throw it so he can bring it back to you happily.
You can swear that you see his eyes getting a little wetter but he would say "I have something in my eye" to distract but you know of course that it’s just an excuse and would have to grin about it.
He would kiss you gently and tell you how much he loves you, of course not without also using a pet name for you.
In his head, however, he already plans that you both move into an apartment together, how you get married and have children and lead the happiest life until the end of your life.
𝗔𝗟𝗔𝗡
First of all, he would warn you and ask you how many times he has told you not to use his police radio at home to "call" him. He has a private phone with which you can make calls very well.
But then he would have to concentrate completely on not grinning broadly and would tell you that in his lunch break would come home so that you can continue talking there.
The rest of the shift he’d be a little grinning idiot no matter what case he’s working on.
After he came home, he would wink at you and confess how much he enjoyed you calling him that and telling you to always call him that.
Of course, you will do it with utmost pleasure. Of course, you'll be using the police radio.
𝗣𝗛𝗜𝗟
He would smile cheekily and answer you. But of course not without using the same pet name at the end of his sentence and emphasizing it extra strongly.
He would stop cleaning the bar to come around the counter grab you by your hips.
Of course he would kiss you and then whisper in your ear.
"Babe? That’s fucking hot, I think I can go home earlier tonight, the others can do the rest on their own. We should go home urgently."
It's obvious that he would wink at you.
#duskwood#duskwood fanfiction#duskwood headcanon#duskwood x reader#duskwood x mc#duskwood jake x reader#{hbj(dw)/writes;fanfiction}#duskwood jake x mc#duskwood richy x mc#duskwood dan x mc#duskwood thomas x mc#duskwood alan x mc#duskwood phil x mc#duskwood jake#everbyte studio#duskwood game#duskwood everbyte#everbyte duskwood#duskwood mc#everbyte game#duskwood dan#duskwood richy#duskwood phil#duskwood thomas#duskwood alan
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My name’s Phil Lester thankfully not Mo It’s finally time to make my diss track yo You thought I was too innocent to roast myself? Well watch out bitch This might be bad for your health
A Youtube dinosaur His channel older than your mum He’s so insanely clumsy Always falling on his bum Some people think he’s weird Cause he doesn’t like cheeses He’s so frickin' pale You’d think the sun gave him diseases
His name’s AmazingPhil (What?) Why’s he so great? (Dunno) For ten years he had hair From 2008 All that time Hiding behind a fringe And on top of all that He’s secretly a ginge
You quiffed it up What is this a rebrand? If you didn’t dye it black You’d be totally bland And innocent whatever Wait till you're in private Your mouth’s so dirty You sound like a pirate
Hey you say you’re an angel You know that’s a lie You just don’t want to get Demonetised Your vids are so sweet You can’t even say crap I bet you’d even censor A swear in this rap
You look like a badly photoshopped Benedict Cumberbatch And I realize nothing rhymes with Cumberbatch So I guess this verse doesn’t rhyme
(Okay, this is terrible, I'm out, bye)
I’d better get going And end the bants I murdered this beat Like I murder houseplants If you can’t keep a cactus Why’d you want a dog? I’d give it three weeks Until the funeral vlog
Don’t get me started on that guy called Dan The only reason I’m here is people ship phan More followers than me I’m living in his shadow Next thing you’ll know He’ll be playing the piano
EMMMMMMMM YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
okok lemme see if i can do dan's without looking now:
a month without uploading, he comes back with a tag that no one even tagged him in, he's not a challenge to drag so prepare for an attack (and by that I mean cringe) cuz this mfer's boutta get DRAGGED BY HIS FRINGE
first things first, you're freakishly tall it's weird, you look like a noodle you've got hair that was cool in 2007 and wet you just look like a poodle just throw in an annoying posh voice and... yup, that's dan! you're what would happen if winnie the pooh f*cked slenderman!
you procrastinate making videos 'cause being judged is scary you're so close to being irrelevant the hate's imaginary! the only reason you get views is you're another white guy that people ship with his friend 'cuz they think it's ~kawaii~!!
reasons why dan's a fail---YAY!
you never tweet, you overeat, all you do is cry and sleep, your jokes are shitposts and memes with no originality, your family's sad you dropped your law degree at university, and anything embarrasing about yourself you just delete. you were a vegan for what, three weeks before you missed the meat? wow, i'm so impressed by your clear moral integrity. try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic but can't make toast without tumblr saying you're problematic
*deep inhale* I could go on, there's more if I check. there's more things on this list... than chins on your neck!
your celebrity crush was JLaw, but now it's Evan P, what the fuck even is your sexuality? it's hard to put you in a box when you keep it so blurry, i think it's just to hide that you're secretly a FURRY.
woah now, that went deep. repress it? yup! before I start crying, let's wrap this shit up.
i'm gonna go and masturbate, then cry into a slice of pizza, shoutout to the other youtubers, especially Ryan Higa a cringe compilation mixed with cultural appropriation met with no depreciation, it's the youtube nation.
click SUBSCRIBE if you wanna watch 4 videos a year (ha) to see my last one (from ten years ago) just click over here something something, you can call me a liar 'cause you just witnessed the roast of danisnotonfire
[explosion noises]
#I GOT SO CLOSE JUST ONE LINE AT THE END I FORGOT HALF#i don't wanna look it up until i post this grrrr#ser answers#dan and phil#phan#eff it this goes in the tag hi guys#em#<< LEAVE A COMMENT WITH YOUR REACTION dammit
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2009 Phan (8) Masterlist
part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven
All I Want For Christmas (ao3) - sleepyslag (galacticneighbor)
Summary: It's Christmas Eve 2009, and Dan's about to leave to spend Christmas with his family- until Phil goes into an unexpected heat.
anything, anything (ao3) - paintyourwords, paper_planes1
Summary: It’s ridiculous, Dan knows, but he sees it, his whole life laid out in front of him, when he first looks into Phil’s eyes.
ask and receive (ao3) - Celeste (artificialmac)
Summary: It’s 2009 and Dan and Phil meet in person for the first time, and it’s a lot. But it’s mostly just frottage.
at first blush this is fate (ao3) - alittlestarsick
Summary: 2009 Dan and Phil have a cute winter moment in the snow before Dan has to go back home from his visit to Phil
Begin Again (ao3) - ForeverJustAnEmoKidAtHeart
Summary: Phil’s parents are away and he’s invited some random guy off the internet to come stay with him for a few days. Martyn is worried that his brother is going to get murdered by a stalker fan, so he follows them from the train station to Starbucks.
crying at the nail salon (i'm so sick of online love) (ao3) - misbhvdan
Summary: The older girl is looking at her in a way that makes Dani feel hot all over. She suddenly realises she has no idea what she’s doing. Oh, no. Fiona is so much more experienced than her. She’s going to make a fool of herself.
“Would you want to sit in my lap?”
“Y-yeah,” Dani nods, reaching for her phone in a way that she hopes isn’t obvious. Hiding it from Fiona’s view, she opens Google and types in, how to have skype sex.
— Dani and Fiona video chat.
Dan and Phil Take Each Other's Clothes Off (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!) (ao3) - BREAD2000yeet
Summary: Dan and Phil play dress-up based off Dan's one dailybooth
Dan stops and stares at him, “You did not just tell me a red panda fact while we are having sex.”
“They can also glow in the dark.”
dear to the heart (ao3) - dontcrydraft
Summary: Dan and Phil meet each other in real life for the first time, and they end their first day together by watching a movie on Phil's couch. Except Dan gets a bit too comfortable and falls asleep.
Everything Hurts But You Make Things a Bit Better (ao3) - That_cool_weirdo
Summary: I'm annoyed that my joints don't work so i wrote a fluffy fic of 2009 phan's first irl meeting where dan has all of my issues
first impression (ao3) - possumdnp
Summary: It's October 19th, and Phil feels like a nervous wreck.
(A fic based on Phil saying in "Date Night with Dan and Phil" that his first impressions of Dan were "posh and confident.")
he is everything, and you are just trying to be something. (ao3) - m0ther_of_p3arl
Summary: There he is. Standing on the platform, waiting for Dan, his hands tucked awkwardly into the pockets of black skinny-jeans.
For a moment, Dan forgets that there are people behind him and he forgets that he has to step off the train and he just stares. Phil looks right back, and his eyes are big and blue and flecked with yellow in a way that could never be accurately represented through a computer screen.
Phil smiles at him, and Dan’s mind short-circuits.
I Don't Want the World to See Me (ao3) - Mysticallykai
Summary: Dan and Phil's first meeting, based off of Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.
Dan hasn't really accepted that he likes men, and Phil is incredibly patient with him. Smut, angst and fluff.
i had sworn to myself i'm content with loneliness (‘cause none of it was ever worth the risk) (ao3) - misbhvdan
Summary: Soft guitar strings are playing from the shitty laptop speaker. Dani recognises the song immediately. She’s been listening to it on her iPod daily for over a month, thinking of Fiona every time like the lovesick puppy she is.
There’s no voiceover in the video, just the girl cutting her own hair into Fiona’s desired haircut with a frankly ridiculous music choice in the background.
Who puts a fucking love song in the background of a hair tutorial?
— Dani gives Fiona a haircut.
I Like my Men How I Like my Gin and Tonic (ao3) - BREAD2000yeet
Summary: Dan gives a C- blowjob and an receives an A+ handjob emo boys kissing vibes they r in luvv
i wanna be with you everywhere (ao3) - manchestereyes
Summary: A month after meeting for the first time, Phil discovers Dan's neck thing.
I want you in the most (un)romantic ways. (ao3) - philsslit
Summary: theres simply not enough 'dan and phil having lesbian sex' fics so I wrote something here ya go
in your jeans, frenzy (ao3) - r1caner
Summary: “What’re you thinking about?” Phil asks.
Dan feels his cheeks go red, hot all the way to his jaw. “Er. Praying,” he says, desperate to avoid telling the truth and telling a lie.
it is you (ao3) - manchestereyes
Summary: @danisnotonfire: I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone D:
When Dan gets permission to spend a week with Phil in December, he has a stunning realisation.
it's snowing and i love you (ao3) - noxhsw
Summary: Phil exists in this world. He’s never been more sure.
Waves of life are flooding this organism, this lump he calls a body, his home. Himself.
just a little bit closer (ao3) - possumdnp
Summary: Dan and Phil have a deep conversation, leading to them trying something new together.
(Set during the week Dan spent up north at Phil's house in December 2009.)
Lullaby for the sun (ao3) - ottertrashpalace
Summary: It's been a few months now, and for some reason when Dan visits Phil he just feels tired.
Made for Each Other (ao3) - BREAD2000yeet
Summary: Dan and Phil 2009 Halloween YouTube meetup but it's insanely sweet. Based off some of the videos other people uploaded of them standing off alone during it. More emo boys kissing vibes.
maybe we were made for each other (ao3) - ShiwiSins (IetjeSiobhan)
Summary: One more station until he’s there, and Dan is sweaty and nervous with how much he wants to see Phil again, with how much he’s missed him, with how scared he is of the feelings being one-sided, despite everything Phil has said over Skype.
Or: the third time they meet.
our first christmas together (i love you) (ao3) - gesticulationbubble
Summary: Dan and Phil spend their first Christmas together. Phil is anxious about whether Dan will like his gift, and Dan isn't used to someone caring about him so much - but, regardless of the hesitancy and newness of them, there's a hint of Forever in this First.
Réponds à Ma Tendresse (ao3) - Blorbiron
Summary: Dan is visiting, and that’s Phil’s absolute favorite thing ever- which is kind of sad, maybe, for someone he’s known for like two months, but he can’t be bothered to care. Because Dan’s sitting right on his bed, close enough to touch, and cackling whenever Phil dies in Crash Bandicoot. Which is a lot.
sativa (i said im ready) (ao3) - catbearbunz (bunnieovadamoon)
Summary: it’s 2009, and phil really wishes dan would call. he does, but he comes greener than expected.
aka they get drunk and high and have esex.
sleep on the floor, dream about me (ao3) - noxhsw
Summary: it's 2009. the second day of dan and phil hanging out together irl.
phil refreshes his youtube, only to mysteriously see the 2024 dan and phil games channel on his screen.
they decide to look through their future channel, introspection ensues
some kind of magic (ao3) - ghostdnp (ghostdnfie)
Summary: "Dan?"
Phil turned back to look at him and Dan's breath hitched, suddenly aware of his staring and how close their faces were. "Sorry," he muttered sheepishly.
Phil just smiled at him sweetly, shaking his head as if to say 'don't worry about it'. Maybe he seemed almost flattered.
"Looks really nice at this time, doesn't it?"
when the train came it was so big and powerful (ao3) - r1caner
Summary: It is 2009, and things are going to change. Dan thinks so, anyway.
a dnp fic for the 15th 19th of october.
when people that said it was raining all the time (i see sunshine cause i know that you are mine) (ao3) - Atlantis_51
Summary: Phil waits in the cold. He waits until his fingers ache from the breeze that rushes through them. He waits until the crowd dwindles down and he’s left all alone standing alongside the train tracks. He waits until the call aboard the last train rumbles through the high walls of Manchester Train Station. He even waits a little longer, just in case.
// Dan doesn't show up at the train station on that fateful Oct 19th, 2009.
You and I, We don't wanna be like them (ao3) - phasamtasie
Summary: Phil tries to appear cool when Dan comes to visit him for the first time, but struggles to fall asleep without his favourite plushie. When he admits to his secret, Dan answers with a confession of his own that inspires Phil’s first christmas gift to Dan.
You are Not Sleeping on The Goddamn Floor (ao3) - pepelovesme
Summary: Dan and Phil's 2009 meeting reimagined. Dan is curious, they talk sexuality. Smut ensues.
you make me happy when skies are gray (ao3) - howell_slide
Summary: “Did you mean it, Phil?” Dan asks, knowing the answer, but needing Phil to confirm it before the imprint is permanent. Dan pulls away from Phil just enough to see his face—he needs to see Phil right now. Somehow, Dan finds his eyes, barely visible in the darkness, and sees those blue eyes starting to shine with tears.
“I did.” Phil speaks resolutely, with no ounce of hesitation present in his voice. It’s the most serious Dan has ever heard Phil be, and he knows that Phil is telling the truth.
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omg bethanie i think i just had a nightmare IM SHAKINGG
it all started with Dan uploading to his main channel (unrealistic i know but stay with me) he looked very pissed off and said that he was leaving youtube forever and deleting his channel without any explanation. then about an hour later, Phil uploaded saying he was deleting his channel too - except unlike Dan, he wasn’t leaving youtube, he was joining smosh instead. he looked so happy and excited about it and urged everyone to go watch his debut try not to laugh video on the smosh pit channel. in a mix of panic and confusion, i rushed over to the channel and clicked on the video. it was a pretty standard tntl smosh video…at least it was at first. as the video went on i noticed Phil and Ian Hecox were acting super coupley and flirting, even holding hands at one point. so i rushed to tumblr and everyone was talking about it like it was normal??? i went to your blog and you had already changed into a smosh fanpage and made gif sets of Phil and Ian looking at each other. it was literally like Dan never even existed but if there was an off chance you would talk about Dan, you would censor his name like it was a slur. i couldn’t fathom what was happening so i sent you very desperate ask and you basically told me that *I* was the crazy one and Ian and Phil have clearly been in love this whole time and all D*n did was get in the way and that Ian has a bigger hecock than Dan did
so in short Phil left Dan to join smosh so he could be with Ian Hecox so Dan deleted his channel.
HELP THIS IS TERRIFYING 😩 if i ever become a smosh account assume ive been kidnapped or murdered pls 💕
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DAN AND PHIL SENTENCE STARTERS: PART ONE
below are a collection of sentence starters taken from various dan and phil videos throughout the years. feel free to change wording/pronouns as needed!
“I yeeted that fucker into a landfill.”
“Do you care nothing for a well thought out concept?”
“Well, what can I say?”
“That was iteration, it was just a shit one.”
“You’re banned from friendship.”
“I don’t like to contribute, I just like to judge”
“You’re only as good as the other children are terrible.”
“I don’t know why I’m rooting for you in this situation.”
“The puns stop right there.”
“You could kill someone with anything.”
“The sugary event horizon, that’s how I want to go.”
“Our ineptitude is terrifying.”
“I’m about to pick up a sauce pan and whack this guy in the noggin.”
“Is that a gram? Is that a gram? I don’t do drugs, I don’t know what a gram is.”
“I’m hot, I don’t know how to count.”
“I still feel like I’m gonna murder you for several reasons that have just been pent up.”
“Some might say it was condescending and passive aggressive. I say it was entirely necessary considering the circumstance.”
“God’s testing you, and you’re testing him right now.”
“If this wasn’t really dramatic and terrifying, it would’ve looked really funny and silly.”
“I’ll text you if I die.”
“I’ve decided not to take any personal trauma from this.”
“We are not going to afford the furniture we want with that.”
“That sounds like a midnight problem.”
“He just chucked that bitch into the ether.”
“Why am I missing all the puns today?”
“If you touch me, I will break your possessions.”
“Be carefuller than me!”
“Polar bears hate him.”
“This guy is failing the challenge.”
“I’m depressed, and I need edgy jokes to cope with my anxiety.”
“I think this is the point where we’re gonna die.”
“I really appreciate you trying to keep this spooky whilst I try to keep it together.”
“Like, I’m actually trying so hard to keep this together.”
“You genuinely didn’t think about how that was going to sound, did you?”
“Human faces are quite complicated.”
“Knives are out, no messing about.”
“That’s the last time we’re touching knives today.”
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Spare Me Your Mercy Ep 1 - 5 Live Blogging
Haven't watched a BL in a few months (Sept 13 to be specific) because I've been preoccupied with Dan and Phil (got into them again after a few years lol) and then got super busy oof.
But now... I yearn for the yaoi. Don't have time to watch a full 12 episode series but maybe an 8 ep series that has 3 eps out and is releasing 2eps/week hm. Also, my tiktok FYP doesn't really have BLs/series but lately I get the occasional Spare Me Your Mercy (+ Highschool Frenemy lol) tiktoks, so that has me thinking of this show as well.
This has been one of my most anticipated series, so I really hope it's great, please please please. Last thing I watched was 4 Minutes, which was also highly anticipated + by Sammon and seemed like it had a cool plot and things to say but uhhhhh let me down in the end :/ Hope this one goes better pleaseeee
Ep 1 (Dec 08)
gorgeous atmospheric stylistic beginning
oh no, he juuuust missed seeing his mom alive. Maybe he could've said hi and stuff if the accident didn't happen and he didn't have to do a detour to the hospital
the Nurse is gangster kid's mom from I Will Knock You
ah, 3 days ago. this is possibly what the mystery is, right? Whether our doc is killing the terminally ill patients who want to die? That's what I gathered from the tiktoks lol
Oh, another cancer related death already
who is this director?
I wonder what the nurses know about Dr. Kan. They're looking so suspicious when the captain wants to interview him
aw, Tew (Wasan?) getting to hear about his mom from Dr. Kan
The translations are a bit... ~32:35 when he says "Mom loves/d me a lot" but it translated as "Mom loves you a lot" like huh? no
"Make sure to check thoroughly" um… why does it seem like the Director is asking to possibly frame Kan even if the autopsy doesn't come up with anything
damn, 3 murders already
but this third murder... was it Kan? Like we see Kan in the car watching but then we don't see Kan doing the killing. and then the syringe is left behind?! girl. would Kan be so dumb. and what's up with the net on fire?
Ah, Grandpa Som from the beginning of the ep
Som thinks Dr. Kan's all-black clothes outfit is the spirit possessing him? but he's also quite afraid of Dr. Kan in general it seems
Curious first episode, I'm into it. Wanna watch next ep already rip but will hold off until at least tonight I think.
Okay, the thing is: If Kan has indeed been killing these patients, do they request the when and the how or has he been making these decisions on his own? Like in a tiktok, I think I saw him asking a patient if she fully consents to this + nobody is pressuring her, which I assume is him being asked to assist her in dying. However, would Tew's mother literally ask Kan to end her life the day her son is coming to visit?? hmmm
I would like Kan to be the killer, that's the most exciting
Ep 2 (Dec 11)
…was it Dr Kan who actually killed this old man as well despite his wishes?
i don’t fully get the medallion thief thing tbh
ah, insincere confession from Kan to throw Wasan off ig
I saw a post about how “you fee the same way i do. don’t hide it” “i’m not hiding it” wasn’t about their feelings for each other but about Kan saying Wasan is gay/likes men and Wasan saying I’m not denying that
Kan’s text not translated
Kan and Orn in kahoots
oh i so hope Kan, a doctor who the villagers see as an angel and takes care of patients better than their children, is indeed the killer
ooof only 26 mins watched and now i gotta go to work
Does he possess potassium chloride which he’s throwing out now or what
ah Wasan shows up…
Wasan is revealing info to make Kan think he doesn’t suspect him while he does right? Is Wasan gonna go through the fridge while Kan is busy cleaning up the bathroom
okayyyy yes i love Kan trying to hide things and Wasan trying to find things. cat and mouse
this director of the hospital is confusing who is he what are his motivations. though that’s true in general like for Dr Kan too
ahh what an exciting ending
Watched something on my ipad on my way to work + back after a long time. Fun.
Ep 3 (Dec 11/12)
Ep 4 came out today and I think I saw a tiktok where Wasan's arresting Kan hm we'll see
hmm who is this new character doing a narration? and Boss's idol is Kan hmhmhm
Ah, we learn that KCL can't just be stored by the doctor in their possession, only at the hospital
Boss is in kahoots with Kan and Orn...
Boss managed to play the "I'm dumb" card to throw off his "I'm suspicious" card I guess
they’re getting consent and doing it with the sick person’s knowledge hm perhaps the third dead guy was a different person or smth diff happened
they administered Zapa’s KCL in front of people okayyy so other people know of this i guess? interesting. could there be any possibility that Wasan’s sister knows?
wait. Boss and the Director? also did Boss call the director and not Kan??? or what?
giggling over their convo about their relationship over coffee. Sooooo into their demeanours, especially Wasan’s. but also don’t fully know if Kan is kidding
okay wait so Boss and Director are fucking around (well Director might love Boss who knows but Boss is there for survival) but Boss is indeed working for Kan and Director… might know it’s Kan from previous murders he has committed
oh nooo Wasan’s regrets about his mom
damn did Kan and Wasan get close af or smth, that was just one convo on the mountain
still them cancelling plans is cute somehow
ahhhh accusations
Ep 4 (Dec 13)
this director’s bf story kinda reminds me of Under The Whispering Door which I read last week and also had a side character who has a bf for three years who fell ill and passed away
interesting oppositions about Dr. Kan’s actions. I’m torn and don’t actually know where I stand, especially because of the Canada MAiD system and how it’s not… actually helping but rather just a way to have disabled people/ill people die instead of providing them with a better quality of life
I’m gonna assume the text they didn’t translate is Wasan telling Kan that he saw him leaving the Director’s house by car or smth
Their interactions are so fun because they’re each hiding stuff (well Kan is hiding and Wasan is trying to find out). And I also can’t tell how much they actually like each other vs are just trying to throw the other off/trying to catch the other
i’m a bit confused about the cars like how would the Director’s car be leaving and Kan’s car also be leaving if we assume Kan had Director bound at the back of his car
is this true? director left by himself? hmmmmm
please, the cop questioning Kan being confused as hell when it comes out that Kan and Wasan were together the night before lol
ohhhh Kan probably injected Director, so he drove as fast as he could to the hospital but died almost there
man, that’s so horrid if Kan actually killed the director, i hope it’s true. a doctor who euthanized terminally ill patients with their consent but his head got too big and so killed Nipon without consent and the director to hide his secrets hmhmhm
actually horrid how the phone call names aren’t translated either
ah, we get to see that this email wasn’t actually sent by the director but instead how he was killed
the cops are lyingggg saying they were onto the director and he fled
ah so indeed somebody else killed director and likely they also killed Nipon, it’s not Kan. Boss? since he’s involved and is a man like the nipon murder case suggested? could be Orn but she wasn’t at the directors house when Kan called her
ahh Wasan pointing a gun at the intruder not knowing it’s Kan
Wasan patting down Kan could’ve been a liiiitle more horny tbh lol
“I never thought you would lie to me” is a little too emotional considering their current relationship but sure
ah, that’s the handcuffing. i thought Wasan would have more evidence against Kan to be doing that tbh
bruh how is it half over, should’ve been 10-12 eps frrrr
immediately onto next ep
Ep 5 (Dec 13)
girl the director opposed abortion?
“there’s nothing more truthful than this” well you did euthanize some patients, including perhaps Wasan’s mother who he didn’t get to say goodbye to and has regrets about
long hair? short hair? you can learn blood type from hair?
funny how their relationship seems to swing from accusations of being a murderer/hiding the euthanizations (?) and like… kinda sweet moments lmao. + new introduction of questioning Kan about the other killer
it must be Boss right? said Professor to director and was asking about Kan
oh lol they immediately mention Boss
trying to remember if we know Kan is working with Boss or if I just assumed they were in kahoots because of the KCL thing hm
oh interesting, I guess Boss really did accuse the director of being the murderer because they’re showing the scene and they only tend to do that for real scenes. However, Boss could still be pretending to accuse the Director while he is the killer and also we don’t see how he actually died
not the fucking BDSM gear coming out as proof from Boss that he and the director were involved. If was I dead + being framed for murders (including Kan’s doings) + my bedroom escapades came out? girl i’m haunting you all
interesting to see the show position Boss as the spokesperson for the wrong reasons for euthanasia like how “terminal illness can affect families/healthcare workers and so it’s better the patients are dead” instead of focusing on the actual patients.
nooo the lesbians want to get married before one of them dies of lung cancer
girl don’t KCL someone so soon
please the flirting and teerak you know you’ve hit the jackpot? and i’ll get you another one next year how cute
and talking about Wasan’s mother girl… things are gonna go to shit when the truth comes out
‘give me some time’ ? girl i wanted a kiss (though i knew it wasn’t gonna happen bc i would’ve been spoiled for it by now like i saw some comment about the teerak thing i def cudnt have avoided kiss)
girl what the fuck is that Boss?
nooo the fucker got Urai before she and Cream could get married?
not the fucking pen?! but he probably just left it there previously (not the murder the night before), that feels unsuspicious because we knowwwww that Kan was in this room before. but maybe bc he again lied to Wasan about keeping it safe in the house?
fuckkkk i’m all caught up so i gotta wait more than 4 days till next ep
I'm curious to see:
1) Who is doing the other murders and how they'll be found out. Current theory is obviously Boss since he killed the Director and advocates for euthanasia for patients who are a "burden." I'm also very curious to see if the Doctor who is doing the autopsies has any hand in anything because sometimes she looks so suspicious... I had actually thought she was working with Director on something sinister in the first few eps.
2) How the romance progresses (I'm curious to see more flirting/kisses lol) and also like lowkey where are we in the relationship? How serious is this? Kinda confused because I thought it was kinda lightly treading considering they haven't known each other that long + the accusations and suspicions but the emotional reaction Wasan had about Kan lying was like oh... + Wasan asking Kan to give him more time? idk. also wanna see how they deal with Kan being the reason Wasan's mother likely passed away and all of Wasan's baggage with that.
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ttwt character profiles - batch 3
MAL
What's your best quality? What isn't great about me? Ugh- fine, okay, I guess my ability to accumulate followers is pretty fun. Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)
I only listen to Japanese music. It's called "J-Pop", not that you've ever heard of it
Black
Okay, um, obviously it's 僕のヒーローアカデミア the movie ワールドヒーローズミッション. What? I can speak Japanese, duh.
Salad or dim sum
Describe your craziest dream. I've actually been conditioning myself to have dreams of my husbando, Levi Ackerman from AOT. I haven't had a non-Levi dream since last year. Best memory from childhood? Having my first meet and greet with my favorite YouTubers! Their names are Dan and Phil- Most embarrassing moment at school? Probably when the popular girls in my grade call me a freak for having BL charms on my backpack. Uncultured, tch Describe the first job you ever had. I work at Hot Topic. Ten years from now, what are you doing? Hopefully writing and producing my own show! My dream date would be with ___________, doing what? OBVIOUSLY my baby Levi. I'd take him to Hot Topic and let him buy as many Funko Pops as he wants with my 5% employee discount. It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do?
Post a goodbye to Wattpad
MAX
What's your best quality? My cunning intelligence, of course. Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)
I don't much care for music.
Navy.
Murder on the Orient Express
Challah
Describe your craziest dream. I don't dream. Best memory from childhood? Any time I got to be alone was nice. Most embarrassing moment at school? Pass. Describe the first job you ever had. School is work enough. Ten years from now, what are you doing? Graduated, in a good position at the research university of my choosing. Ideally? Oxford or Cambridge. I would settle for Harvard. Or... I guess, married. That would be alright. Yeah, that would be good. My dream date would be with ___________, doing what? My girlfriend, talking. Since we can't seem to get a minute to ourselves on this damn set. It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do?
Try to stop it, somehow.
MICHELA
What's your best quality? Um... I don't know. I'm smart sometimes. Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)
Alternative rock.
Black
Goodfellas
Quiche a la Lorraine
Describe your craziest dream. I have more dreams than nightmares, usually. Best memory from childhood? I have a lot. I guess... camping with Joner would be up there. Most embarrassing moment at school? Ugh. Let's not talk about that. Describe the first job you ever had. I worked at a catering business for a few weeks to afford the school trip to New York. Ten years from now, what are you doing? Anything, really. I haven't really decided on a career path. I guess... I'd like to own a house with Max some day My dream date would be with ___________, doing what? Max, probably forcing him to listen to music because he's allergic to having good taste It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do?
Looking back on everything
NOCO
What's your best quality? n/a Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)
n/a
n/a
n/a
n/a
Describe your craziest dream. "I hate everything" Best memory from childhood? My brother hit me in the head with a rock once. Most embarrassing moment at school? Being there. Describe the first job you ever had. It was sad. Ten years from now, what are you doing? Inflicting my vision on people against their will. In a... funny way. Yeah. My dream date would be with ___________, doing what? Your mom. It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do?
Post my manifesto.
O
What's your best quality? I'm helpful! And, uh, I guess I'm a pretty cool person on my own, too. Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)
I have a guilty pleasure for old country music
Orange
Huh... probably The Sixth Sense
My grandma's mac n cheese
Describe your craziest dream. We don't talk about the Geoff nightmares anymore. Best memory from childhood? Not sure I have many. Is that bad? Most embarrassing moment at school? I soiled myself in front of my new class after I changed schools and had to introduce myself in front of everyone. That was last year. Describe the first job you ever had. I'm an... unlicensed counselor. Or... I guess being a friend can be a job too, huh? Ten years from now, what are you doing? Anything I put my mind to! My dream date would be with ___________, doing what? Freud, telling him to shove it! It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do?
Tea and cookies with Grandma.
PATRICK
What's your best quality? My skin. Oh, you mean personality? Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)
The hits.
White. Bone white.
Is this necessary?
I'm on a cleanse. Don't bring it up.
Describe your craziest dream. I rid myself of having nonsense "dreams" years ago. Best memory from childhood? I was never a child. Idiot. Most embarrassing moment at school? None. Describe the first job you ever had. I'm interning at a very prestigious firm right now. Ten years from now, what are you doing? Wall street. New York year-round, Hawaii for Christmas, the vineyard for summer. My dream date would be with ___________, doing what? Fiona Apple. It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do?
Who cares?
PHILLIP
What's your best quality? I have... um.. so many... it's hard to choose... Faves? (music, colour, movie, food)
Music? I guess, good music. Great music.
Probably red. Red is a very masculine color and very powerful, like blood and fire.
I don't have time for movies.
Um... you know, stuff with protein. Burgers. And. Steak. Probably
Describe your craziest dream. I'm already living the dream, haha. Yeah. I also have dreams about being Alejandro from Total Drama. I believe those are prophecies. Best memory from childhood? Probably showing off to all the girls in my class. Because I am so strong and intimidating. Most embarrassing moment at school? None. At all. Is that question really on there? Describe the first job you ever had. My life is a job. Really. Every day when I wake up, that's like clocking in. When I go to bed, or have a sandwich, that's like the paycheck. Ten years from now, what are you doing? Probably winning. At the universe. My dream date would be with ___________, doing what? Probably the amalgamation of God I met outside McDonald's on Christmas Eve last year. We would talk about so many things. It’s the last day on earth. In five words or less, what would you do?
I could intervene.
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I’m curious to know more about the phandom! parasocial about each other instead of dan and phil time. what are your big media interests outside of dnp?
ooh fun question!! okay well, if you follow my main you probably know about at least some of these but here you go
9-1-1 (this has been verrrrry big for me lately, its the main thing ive been reading fic for😭 i have not actually seen the show tho)
supernatural (again, havent seen the show fully but i love destiel fanfiction so)
the raven cycle (RAHHHH)
smosh (i only watch their unscripted stuff but i think theyre soooo funny, smoshgames is my favorite channel aside from dnp)
the lord of the rings 🤭
interview with the vampire (im on season 2 episode 3 rn what is HAPPENING 😭)
hannibal (i stopped after naka choko but WOW its very good)
death in paradise (the absolute best murder mystery show of all time)
the notebook (the musical, im seeing it next week on broadway WOOOOO)
k im gonna leave it there bc those are the main ones 💖 thanks for the ask!
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Therapist: So, tell me about your friends. What are they like?
MC: Well, you know..
MC: Who have we got here...
MC: Jessy, well, Jessy is very emotional. Not very rational. She likes to run into dangerous and unknown homes after using the satnav of someone else and also likes to check out the houses of murder suspects and almost gets killed by them. Luckily she run fast enough, haha.
MC: Thomas... Well, Thomas is a stupid puppy. Most of the time he forgets he's a brain. He's not really good in using it, tho. He's a true cry baby. He mostly is too dump to realise how serious situations are and that's why he just doesn't care about important instructions. Or, he cares but he's not smart enough to follow them. But he loved his girlfriend a lot, which is a good thing. Oh, and he also likes to visit houses of possible murderer. He once broke into Hannahs apartment where he met Cleo who also broke in there. And together they tried to break into Phil’s bar. But remember, door of steel. Very shameful fail.
Therapist:
Therapist: Okay, you told me the Cleo, what about her?
MC: Cleo. Well, Cleo likes break-ins. During the short time I met her, she broke in twice and tried another one but failed terribly. Together with Thomas, by the way. But there was a door made of steel and that was above her break in skills. She also likes to go for runs in the forest while there is a murder in there as well.
Therapist: *nervously chuckles and cleats her throat* Okay, what about... The name say.. Jack Daniels?
MC: Ohh, Dan. Dan is good at shooting with weapons, he can also see if weapons are real or fake pretty fast. And unlike Cleo, he prefers to break out instead of in. Hospitals are not his thing, you know? Oh, and he loves whiskey... and car drives at night... Together...
Therapist: Okay, let's switch. What about a girl called Lilly?
MC: Ah, Lilly. I used to hate her with everything I have, you know. She accused me of kidnapping and murderer. She really messed up. And she's talented in that. She's also good in video production.
Therapist: Thank God, something normal. What kind of videos does she do?
MC: Well, videos in which she incites people and spreads horrible rumors, as mentioned, I hated her once. That was because she made a video in which she accused me and her half brother of the things I also mentioned. Murder and kidnapping and shit. Oh, and she loves to call the police. If you ever need someone to call the police for you, she's the one you should ask.
Therapist: *sighs*
Therapist: And who is Phil?
MC: Argh, Phil is uninteresting. He’s an ordinary misogynist. Owns a bar. He got arrested once. And I suspect he might have killed the former bar owner. But nothing special.
MC: We also got Richy. Well, he's.. he's a very bad criminal, you know. Like, really bad. It's not his biggest strength. He was the one who actually kidnapped the girl, but he didn’t kill anyone. And he even changed his personality and became an old legend. He was shot once, no twice, but at the same time. Thanks to Richy, I know Dan’s good at shooting. And as teenagers he buried a dead body. That's why he became this old, ridiculous legend. And the body also takes us straight to Hannah.
MC: Hannah. Hannah is the kidnapped girl. Hannah is cute. She once fell in love with her half brother but she did not know he's her half brother so.. But she's to blame for the dead body. She borrowed a car from Richy one night even though she didn’t have a driver’s license. Well and then she unfortunately ran over a girl by car. As I said, no driver's license... Long story short: Richy and Hannah and another girl named Amy, who was also in the car, buried the body. Sometimes Hannah has problems with hallucinations, but it’s gotten better since Richy got caught. She thought she’d seen the man without a face. The old legend. But luckily, it was just Richy with a potato sack over his head.
Therapist: You mentioned the half brother of Hannah and Lilly several times now. Tell me about him.
MC: *giggling* Oh, he's my boyfriend. I love him with everything I have, you know. He's just as uninteresting as Phil. He hates Phil, he's very jealous, so please don't tell him I compared the two. But I can't really talk about him, you know. The FBI is watching me so I can't say much.
Therapist: FBI? Why that?
MC: Well, my boyfriend is a government-wanted hacker. And the FBI tries to catch him since several years. So, like I said, as uninteresting as Phil. But I’m relieved he’s a much better criminal than Richy.
Therapist: *about to scream*
+ bonus
Therapist: Can you wait here for a minute? I need to make a call I forgot, but it won’t take long.
MC: Sure, go ahead.
Therapist, in another room, calling: I urgently need a couple of ambulances and just as many white jackets!
#duskwood gang in a nutshell heh#help 🫣#does that already count as fanfiction? xD#duskwood#duskwood mc#duskwood jake#duskwood jake x mc#duskwood hacker#duskwood jessy#duskwood cleo#duskwood thomas#duskwood phil#duskwood richy#duskwood dan#duskwood hannah#duskwood lilly#everbyte studio#duskwood game#duskwood everbyte#everbyte duskwood#iamjake#everbyte game#incorrect duskwood quotes#duskwood fanfiction
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The Brackenwood Murders Chapter 3/?
Summary: Detective Lester works to get to the bottom of things and won't let anyone get in his way.
This chapter has sexual content, read at your own risk!
Chapter One Chapter Two
Read on AO3
The next morning, Phil walked into the police station, shivering at the cold wind that wrapped itself around him like a hug. The door shut behind him, allowing a few stray leaves to fly into the main room. Phil looked around, making eye contact with the man at the front desk.
“Hello, is Mr. Brewer in his office?” He asked politely, smiling sleepily.
The man nodded and smiled back, "Yes, he is detective Lester.”
Phil thanked him softly and walked towards the already familiar office, admiring the Halloween art on the walls from the local children. Though he was there on business, he couldn’t help but have a soft spot for Brackenwood. Phil knocked gently on the door, stepping inside when Brewer’s voice told him to come in.
“Good morning, Chief Brewer, I just have a few questions for you. Then I’ll be on my way.” Phil explained calmly, looking around the room and stopping on the unfamiliar man in the extra chair, “Oh, my apologies, I didn’t know you had someone in here.”
Brewer chuckled, “Good morning to you as well, Phil; don’t worry, this is just my son, Aaron. Son, could you step out for a minute?”
Phil raised his eyebrows at the familiar name. It seemed like today was a lucky day for the detective. Aaron looked at Phil curiously before nodding at his father and stepping out into the hallway.
“Alright Brewer, I’m going to get straight to business. Last night, two local men stopped by here with what they saw as evidence for the case. I ran into them, Dan and PJ. First of all, I need to know why you think it’s okay to brush off anyone who needs help. Because you are under oath to protect those who need it, and you failed.” Phil explained, taking a seat across from Brewer.
Brewer cleared his throat, adjusting his shirt collar that suddenly felt tight. “Ah, Dan Howell and PJ Liguori. Those boys were quite the troublemakers as teens. I can’t even remember how many times they ended up in the back of my cruiser. Pranksters, them and Liam Collins. They took Halloween very seriously, always filming scary movies complete with fake blood and terrifying makeup. I got calls nearly every day in October because of it, especially from ladies over at the church. The boys liked to film in the graveyard, and it disturbed the peace. They became a bit of a problem for us here, so it’s hard to take them seriously.”
Phil nodded and pulled out his notebook and a small tape recorder, setting both onto the desk in front of him and turning the recorder on. “So you say that Dan Howell and PJ Liguori were a bit of a problem as teens, but are you aware that they’re grown adults now? They had a key piece of evidence with them last night, yes? A letter addressed to Mr. Howell with photos of Liam Collins, his late boyfriend, who was killed years ago. One of the victims in this case. Yet, you told them to stop wasting your time, and one of your cops called Mr. Howell a pervert because of the photos.”
“We weren’t comfortable seeing those photos. It was a man in sexual acts with another man; you can’t blame us. We assumed it was them trying to cause trouble and push their agenda on us. If you want to take it seriously, be my guest. But we don’t have time for their tricks here.” Brewer grumbled softly, looking through the papers on his desk uselessly.
Phil stared at the older man in front of him, anger floating to the surface of his chest. “You clearly haven’t seen half of the terrifying things that I have, Chief Brewer. You also ignored them the night of the first killing. On October 25th, 2010, the first night of the Brackenwood Halloween festival, Dan, PJ, and Liam met a man in a plague doctor costume. Mr. Howell met the man. again at the end of the night, covered in blood. You told Dan and PJ that it was clearly just part of the costume and sent them on their way. Explain that, please.”
Brewer sighed, “Why am I being interrogated, Mr. Lester?”
“Answer the question.” Phil ordered, raising his eyebrows in challenge.
Brewer took a deep breath. “It was Halloween. People around here take it seriously. Haunted houses, costume contests, scary decorations. You name it. Again, it was Halloween, and of course there would be blood-covered costumes. I assumed they were just being dramatic. Howell has always been a bit of a dramatic.”
“Why do you say that?” Phil asked softly, leaning forward.
The older man sighed, tugging on his collar again. “Dan and Aaron used to be friends. We were close with all of the Howells. The boys met at church, and they were inseparable—best friends, I’d say. One day, they were playing out on the church playground, and something scared them. I don’t even remember what it was, but Howell was screaming something awful. Aaron was crying. After that, Dan avoided Aaron and our family. He stopped going to church, and eventually, so did his family. He won’t even look me, my wife, or Aaron in the eyes now. I’ve seen the boy cry more than I have seen my own son cry. He just tends to blow things out of proportion.”
Phil hummed and crossed his ankles, making a few notes in his journal, “So, what you’re telling me is that you’re not able to drop your personal biases in favor of taking this case seriously.”
Brewer gasped, “That’s not what I’m saying at all, Lester. I just know these boys well, and I have no reason to believe that they would ever be of any help.”
“Okay. That’s all I need. I have already contacted my team back in London, as well as the head of the ministry of justice. You and your team are being taken off of the case; it’s now fully my responsibility.” Phil explained calmly, closing his journal fluidly and turning off his tape recorder.
The sheriff sat in his chair, staring at Phil like he had two heads. “What? You can’t do that!”
Phil smiled softly at the outburst. “Funny that you think so, because it’s already been done. You haven’t given any indication that you actually care about the case anyhow; you’ve had plenty of time to solve it, but you’ve failed.”
Brewer stood up angrily from his chair, making it fall back against the wall. “Listen here, you little shit; you have no right to come in here and take over what I worked my arse off to get! Stop sticking your head where it doesn’t belong! I’ll kick your ass!”
The detective smirked and looked up at the older man attempting to loom over him. “Now, now, Brewer. Anger isn’t a good look on you; you look a bit like a tomato. I could very well have you completely taken off of the force, you know, but I didn’t share every rule that you’ve broken. If you want, I can tell them everything I’ve come to realize here. Your blatant homophobia, sharing classified information with your family, and of course threatening to harm me. Now my team will be here by the end of the day. They’ll be taking residence in the two empty offices that you have here. You and your team are to leave them alone. In your words, don’t stick your head where it doesn’t belong, got it? The head of justice will be here to speak with you in the next couple of hours.”
Chief Brewer stood frozen for a moment before dropping his head in defeat, “Okay. Have a nice day, detective.” He grumbled.
Phil stood and thanked him politely while collecting his belongings before walking through the door, aimlessly searching for Aaron. He had a few questions for the man, and it was important to speak with him before Chief Brewer did. The detective walked into the back room, sighing in relief when he saw Aaron sitting at a table, sipping coffee.
“Hello there, Aaron, I was wondering if I could ask you a few questions.” Phil explained, pulling out his tape recorder again and turning it on, “Mind if I take a seat?”
Aaron looked at Phil with a soft smile before adjusting his glasses and nodding. Phil couldn’t help but admire how attractive the man in front of him was. He had light brown hair that was styled in a quiff; the sides buzzed short, and freckles speckled across his cheeks and jaw. He was quite muscular and tall as well, just a little shorter than Phil.
"Alright, Aaron, I’ll get this over with quickly, okay? First off, I need you to tell me about Dan Howell.” Phil explained with a smile.
Aaron nodded and sat up straighter, holding himself confidently, “Well, what about him exactly?”
Phil hummed, “I’ll be honest with you; I need to know why you told him things about the case of the Brankenwood murders. Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble or anything; I just need to know so I can move forward with the case.”
“He was always curious about it, even after the first murder. Sometimes at parties or clubs he would ask me if I knew anything, and I’d give him vague answers. I never told him or showed him details until after Liam was killed.” Aaron explained calmly before taking another sip of his coffee.
Phil nodded, “Okay, so what changed? Did he pay you or something?”
Aaron laughed softly and shook his head, “Not with money, at least. You’ve seen the lad, yeah? It’s almost impossible to say no to him when he begs for something. Those eyes, fuck… he just knows how to get his way. And the fact that he gives the best head I’ve ever gotten is an added bonus.”
The detective bit his tongue for a moment, pretending to write something in his journal while he thought through his words. Knowing that Dan offered sexual favors for information on the case made him feel something close to jealousy. He couldn’t explain why, but he felt protective of Dan Howell, especially now.
“Alright, so he offers you sexual favors in return for information, yes? When and how did you two come to this agreement?” Phil asked after giving himself a moment to calm down.
Aaron chuckled and ran his fingers loosely through his hair, “It was an accident in a way. He asked me to meet him the summer after Liam was killed. He knows my pops is a blabbermouth and that I would know at least a little bit of what wasn’t put out to the public. I met him in the small forest by the graveyard. Poor thing looked a wreck, skinnier than I’ve ever seen him, shaking, and he had bags under his eyes…”
“Aaron? Where are you?” Dan called out quietly, walking into the trees carefully. Though it was the middle of summer, he was shivering from the cold.
Aaron turned his head, “Hey Danny, I’m right here.” He called back, seeing the brunette walking towards him.
Dan walked faster until he stood next to his childhood friend, trying to catch his breath. He knew that he was safe in the summer; the Brackenwood killer only struck during October, but the fear was still there. No matter where he was, whenever he was alone, he felt like someone was watching him, waiting to strike.
“Sorry I’m late; I had to wait until PJ fell asleep. He doesn’t let me leave the house alone, especially at night.” Dan explained quietly, running his fingers through his hair.
Aaron chuckled quietly to himself, leading Dan to a fallen log that he had spotted moments ago, “Listen to everything he says, like a good boy, eh?” He teased, offering Dan a seat.
Dan huffed and rolled his eyes before sitting down, “He’s trying to protect me. I’m getting better, but it’s been hard. Peej has helped a lot.”
“I know, he’s a good bloke. Now, what did you want to ask me?” Aaron asked softly, tilting his head to one side.
Dan looked into Aaron’s eyes, giving him the best submissive doe eyes he could manage, “I know your dad tells you things about the case; I want to know if he’s found anything new. About Liam, about the killer? Please?”
Aaron looked into Dan’s eyes, biting his lip. He knew that Dan wanted information for more than just answers; he wanted it for his blog. The very blog that Aaron’s father hated because it always knew too much. The same blog that put the Brewer family on edge. He wanted to refuse; he wanted to tell Dan to go home and forget about it, but he couldn’t say no to the beautiful man beside him.
“What’s in it for me?” Aaron asked, his chest tightening.
Without any warning, Dan sank to his knees, rubbing his pale cheeks against Aaron’s clothed thighs. It was a soft touch, but it was enough to make the normally strong-willed man melt. He sighed softly and ran his fingers through Dan’s slightly matted curls.
“Please tell me, Daddy, I’ll do anything. I’ll suck your cock. Let you fuck my pretty mouth until you cum. I’ll let you use me like a worthless toy. I haven’t been used in a long time; I need your cock, daddy.” Dan whimpered, slipping Aaron’s thumb into his mouth and sucking gently.
Aaron groaned gutterally and tugged Dan’s hair softly, "Okay, pet, why don’t you suck Daddy’s cock, and he’ll tell you everything he knows. I’ll even let you publish it on your little blog. The harder you make me cum, the more information you get.”
Dan nodded eagerly and unzipped Aaron’s jeans with his teeth, pulling out his hardening cock and sucking softly at the tip, lapping up the precum like it was water and he was lost in a desert. He stroked Aaron’s cock lazily as he sucked, admiring the soft grunts from the man above him.
“Mmm, you and that mouth, baby. It’s been too long. Now, here’s some of what I know. My pops has decided that the killer must go to the Raven’s Roost often; he’s telling our townspeople to avoid the club. Fuck, that’s good.” Aaron moaned as Dan took him deeper.
Dan hummed around Aaron’s cock, using his tongue to rub the tip as he bobbed his head. Aaron tightened his hands in Dan’s hair, fighting the urge to fuck Dan’s mouth mercilessly. Normally, he wouldn’t care. He knew what Dan could take and what he couldn’t handle, but Dan looked so fragile. Aaron didn’t want to actually hurt him, no matter if Dan would like it or not.
“Good boy, doing so well for me. Fuck… As of right now, he thinks it’s a man between the ages of 20 and 25, with a strong build and likely tall. He doesn’t think he’s working on his own. I have some crime scene photos I can give you. Hell, I’ll give you a copy of his notes, baby; just keep sucking.” Aaron moaned, staring into the brunette’s eyes.
Dan suddenly moaned around his cock, making Aaron shake at the feeling. He tugged Dan’s hair harder, making Dan’s nose press flush against his pubes, He had the crime reports in his bag; he was hoping that Dan would be willing to suck him off for the information. He wanted to give the man everything that he deserved.
“I’m gonna cum baby, get ready.” Aaron moaned, feeling the familiar pressure build in his lower abdomen.
Dan gripped Aaron’s thighs tightly, squeezing them as a way of giving permission. Aaron groaned in understanding and thrust his hips mercilessly, the soft gags coming from Dan only turning him on more.
“Fuck, fuck baby...” Aaron moaned loudly as he shot his load down Dan’s throat, fucking him through the orgasm.
The brunette waited until Aaron was done before pulling off with a soft pop, leaning his cheek into his friend’s awaiting palm, enjoying the affection.
“You did so good for Daddy, so damn good. The information is all yours.” Aaron panted, pulling out a folder of notes and images from his bag and handing them to Dan.
Dan sighed thankfully, “Thank you, Aaron. It means a lot. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you out of it.”
Aaron nodded and helped Dan stand up, “I know, baby boy, now get home to PJ; we don’t want him worrying about you. But if you need anything else, you know where to find me.”
“So that’s what happened.” Aaron explained with a shrug, “Then it became a thing for us. He needed more information; if I had it, I would give it to him. He’d give me his pretty mouth. I never asked for more.” Aaron shrugged again.
Phil cleared his throat and nodded, crossing his legs discreetly as his erection ached in his dress pants, “So he most likely still has the folder on information, yeah?”
Aaron nodded and leaned closer to Phil with a smirk, “Yep. He keeps everything that I give him in a chest underneath his bed.”
“Thank you for your help, Aaron. I plan on keeping you away from the case as much as possible, so don’t worry about anything.” Phil explained, reaching out for a handshake.
Aaron reached out to shake Phil’s hand, his jacket sleeve sliding down just a bit and showing a familiar black paper bracelet, a white raven printed on the side. The Raven’s Roost. Phil felt his body tense a bit, but he worked to hide it.
“That’s an interesting bracelet there. It’s from the Raven’s Roost, yeah? What’s it for?” Phil asked casually.
Aaron blushed a bit and nodded, “Should I bother lying about it? Or do you know your stuff?”
“I know my stuff, so don’t bother lying. I’ve done a lot of research on the club; I know the wristbands and their meanings. I know you’re a hardcore dom. But I’m more interested in how often you go and how many people you know there.” Phil explained calmly, waiting patiently for an answer.
Aaron sighed and looked into Phil’s eyes, “It’s the only BDSM club anywhere near here; a lot of the gay community goes there. I go every Friday night, sometimes Monday nights when I can. I’ve never noticed anything weird or anyone weird. But I don’t go super often, so I wouldn’t be the most helpful. But if you go there, you’ll get a lot of attention, pretty boy, from myself included.” He teased softly with a wink.
Phil chuckled softly, “I’ll look into investigating at the club. Thank you again for your help.” He said again, standing up and hiding his crotch behind his briefcase. It had been awhile since he had some fun, and his body was giving that away.
“Hey, detective, just so you know, if you want to take away some stress, come find me. I’ll show you a good time.” Aaron offered with a smile, watching as Phil left the room.
The detective sighed and walked in long strides out of the police station, heading straight to his hotel that was luckily just a few blocks away. He could feel his cock leaking precum in his boxers; the feeling had already become uncomfortable. He knew that he needed to take care of it quickly.
As soon as he stepped into his room, he locked the door and threw his clothes into a pile on the floor, the cool air making him shiver. He threw himself onto the bed and licked his hand, stroking his cock lazily. Phil closed his eyes tightly, imagining the pleasure that he was feeling was coming from someone else.
He imagined pale pink lips wrapped around the head of his cock, chocolate brown eyes boring into his own blue ones. Phil imagined that Dan would be needy, whiney even, begging for his cock. It had been such a long time, that in just a few flicks of his wrist, Phil was cumming into his own hand, a soft moan of Dan’s name on his lips.
The detective huffed and walked to the bathroom awkwardly to clean himself up. A dark curtain of shame loomed over him like a cloud, leaving a twisted feeling in his stomach. He was here to complete a job, not fantasize about those involved with his case. Phil glowered at himself in the mirror for a moment, trying lazily to fix his hair that was sticking up in odd places.
A soft ding from the main room of his hotel caught his attention, and he sauntered over to his bed. Phil pulled on a new pair of boxer briefs and slid back into his dress pants before picking up his phone. A message from the very man that he had fantasized only moments prior sent a shiver down Phil’s spine, but not one of shame, one of worry.
Dan- “Hi. Could you stop by today sometime, please? I got another letter. Scared to leave my apartment.”
#phan#phandom#dip and pip#phan fic#phanfiction#phan au#amazingphil#dan howell#The Brackenwood murders
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2016!Phan (2) Masterlist
part one
Dear Future Me... (ao3) - AvalonBell
Summary: Its July 28th, 2012 and Dan has gotten into one of the worst regretable fights of his life with his flatmate Phil. The arguement is all of his fault but in his defense he’s just confused and scared of what will happen in the future. He barely knows who he is so you cant be mad at him right? Dan soon will figure out just how wrong his assumptions are when he makes a wish that will send him on a journey to the year of 2016.
defining a life by full stops and him (ao3) - zvyozdochka (paperdaisies)
Summary: The book is a window, of sorts, framing your life in neat margins and a mess of brainstorming sheets. It’s easier to see in from the outside, and memories that had faded into a comfortable, if bewildering, wallpaper, are cast into stark relief. You can see, in black and white, how two entities came to be danandphil, and you will be honest with yourself as you try to be in these matters: it is quietly terrifying.
Expect the best, looking for the worst (ao3) - subatomichowell
Summary: Dan and Phil have a bit of an argument before the show.
for your eyes only (ao3) - blossomsphan
Summary: and they were roommates
(the fluffy tatinof bed sharing fic no one asked for in 2024… or did they?)
"Hang Out With You" (ao3) - yikesola
Summary: Phil has spent the last months of tour having Dan all to himself— if Dan wants to go out, he’s perfectly able to.
A ficlet about invites and pyjama week.
if it wasn't you, I wouldn't want anybody close to me (ao3) - t_hens
Summary: "I'm filming you."
"Huh? No!"
based on the video of Dan filming Phil sleeping during the tatinof tour.
"I'm Filming You" (ao3) - yikesola
Summary: There’s a rumbling. A rattling. Phil isn't exactly sure where it’s coming from. It seems to just be all around him.
A fic about sleeping and teasing.
i've got all this ringing in my ears... (ao3) - catboyhowell (bloodyscarab)
Summary: you're a canary, i'm a coal mine
'cause sorrow is just all the rage
i've got all this ringing in my ears and none on my fingers by fall out boy
Keeping You (ao3) - Emptylester (timelordangel)
Summary: It's just a coin laundry in Texas, but it's so much more. Dan and Phil talk about what happened between them so many years ago, for the first time.
Llama Legs (ao3) - Anonymous
Summary: After a short break, Dan and Phil are about to begin the next arm of their breakout international tour, TATINOF. The problem is, all good little boys have to have some form of entertainment during their break - and Dan has just began exploring his little-space. What happens when Dan doesn't listen to Phil and decides not to use the toilet before beginning a show, leading to a regression?
Night Time Endeavors (ao3) - ExclusiveGorgeousGeek
Summary: Dan hears a strange noise coming from their kitchen in the middle of the night.
Is it a cold blooded killer? A robber? A badger? Who knows.
Rock, Paper, Scissors! (ao3) - xXspencerXx
Summary: Dan and Phil realise they have to share a bed during the american leg of their TATINOF tour.
shining, just for you (ao3) - bunnyslipper
Summary: "I've spent the majority of 2016 with another person... Dan Howell, so I think it's only fair that he comes up here and shares this with me."
a little fic about sitting back and watching each other shine.
Too Tall For His Own Good (ao3) - orphan_account
Summary: Dan and Phil head off, spending their first night on the TATINOF tour bus. Dan offers Phil the master bed, but things don't go as planned.
wide open to the blessings (ao3) - dizzy
Summary: A day in the life of Dan and Phil circa February 2016.
You're Supposed To Be Scared Of Me (ao3) - skygremlin
Summary: The year is 2016, and when the news isn't talking about Brexit or Donald Trump, all eyes are on the wave of mysterious and sometimes murderous clowns taking over the streets.
Dan doesn't pay attention to the fearmongering on the news. If he ends up in the wrong place at the wrong time, so be it.
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usagi I need you to know that I have not stopped thinking about the unnamed pencil stab au drawing since you posted it last month
mostly long-haired phil he’s put down roots and he’s really to murder the cocky bastard that dan is
there’s no question here or anything I’m just thinking about them and now wanting to write long-haired phil (but like not in the same context LMAO) — ferallester
listen, dude. i'm sorry to tell you this but the document i worked on back in 2017 got deleted and i only remeber bits and pieces from the au.
from what i remember:
they're in college
phil is a stalker and dan is a rich a hole
both dnp have blackmail on each other
so the only natural outcome is to kill the other
and of course someone gets stabbed with a pencil
i'd love to see your version of long-haired murderous stalker phil, that'd be fun~
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