#i know this post is going to make me cry buckets if i'm wrong but i'm positive that all the Mel Is Alive truthers out there are enlightened | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

khaleesiofalicante · 2 years

Note

Hello. How are you feeling? I hope you're doing well and keeping safe. And not working too hard. I hope you had an excellent and spectacular day. You of all people deserve it sooo much. Now that the very important questions are asked,I would like to say some things which randomly come in my brain and because I'm incapable of keeping my thoughts to myself. I have to make it everybody's business. Now, since you love lists and a list would make this simpler, here goes:

Have you ever wondered about Magnus's birth name? Like, do you want it to be revealed,or should it remain a mystery. I personally want it to be revealed.

2. Now, talking about TEC, what do you think about a Clockwork Princess style epilogue for Tbvotd? Like, we'll get that closure about Malec's relationship ( And cry buckets of tears). How Alec died, when he died,about the extended family etc. (Although the Lbaf gang is canon for me. You have made it so perfectly. That was a compliment btw. You should take it,and not be a Modest Magnus™)

3. Note: This one is not me asking your opinion, it's stating mine. I think one underrated Malec phase is the post Cohf malec. Like it wasn't explored upon. And it could have been really great if we did get content on it. Like,their first date after the break up,how both of them would have been nervous as hell. Alec wants it to go perfectly because he doesn't want Magnus to second guess the decision of getting back together. Magnus because he doesn't want Alec to think he made a mistake by accepting him and his past. Then,their first time after. Then the discussion of Alec moving in. Then being softly hesitant and then slowly becoming absolutely sure about their relationship and each other's feelings about them. There was just so much lost potential. CC should have given us something.

4. An AU that came in my mind. Malec are high school sweethearts. They actually knew each other from childhood. They were best friends before dating. Tmi gang is like the elite group in high school. They are very popular. Now,the angsty part. Alec's parents are politicians. They accepted him being gay but they were against him dating Magnus because he has a background (like him killing his stepfather and his mom committing suicide. And his birth father being MIA) which will not be good for someone who's going to be a politician. So, Alec's parents try to dissuade him from dating him,but Alec is adamant. So,Parents and Alec make a deal. Alec gets to date Magnus until graduation. After graduation,he can't date him anymore. Alec agrees, thinking his parents will see reason when they see him happy with Magnus. he doesn't tell Magnus about it. Izzy and Jace know about it and tell him to tell Magnus but he doesn't listen. Comes graduation day. Happiest day of Magnus's life. Because he's proud of how far he's come. Alec arrives late at graduation,and seems very miserable. Magnus asks him what's wrong. Alec tells him he has to break up with him. Magnus doesn't believe him and asks for the reason. Alec tells him about the deal. Magnus feels very betrayed and says Alec has been lying to him the entire time. Alec tries to explain and say his feelings were real and he wasn't playing around with Magnus. Magnus is heartbroken so he doesn't listen. Izzy and Jace come in. So do Simon and Clary. Magnus finds out all of them knew about the deal.(since Iz&J told Si& Clary). magnus thinks everyone betrayed him. he leaves with one parting line to Alec-. THANK you Alexander. Thank you for making what was supposed to be one of my happiest days into one of the saddest. He leaves. They try to track Magnus but he's off the grid. Alec accepts that he's gone. After 5 Years. Alec is a politician. Clace and Dizzy are thriving at life. They travel to LA (or any other place which is not NY) they see Magnus there. He has a new friend group. He's a hotshot lawyer. they're shock because he always wanted to be a photographer.

I can't think anymore.you add your details

I have wondered! I actually mention it one of my ongoing fics hehe. But I like mysteries so I don't want to know what it is. I like the name Magnus way too much 🥺

Thank you for the compliment, bebe. I think we're very unlikely o get that kind of closure for malec or any of the characters. There is a popular theory that TWP might end with clace wedding and since TBVOTD is released before that (IF I AM NOT WRONG) i think cassie won't write anything that will spoil the rest of the books.

I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH. And yes! So true! Getting back together after a break up is to tricky and I too would have loved to know how they navigated it. I really liked your ideas about it! Maybe you should write a one shot about it ;)

OKAY BUT YOU DEFINITELY HAVE TO WRITE THIS? HIGH SCHOOL ANGST HITS DIFFERENT I NEED THIS FIC SO BAD DO IT BRO WRITE IT PLEASE!!!!

ps - but seriously though these ideas are so fucking good i would love to read snippets or even MULTI CHAPTER FICS if you want to explore these ideas 💚

#malec

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goofyhoffy · 3 years

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CHAPTER 2

Fanfiction : My First Kiss 'just a kiss'

Genre : best friend to enemies to lovers! Roommates au! Classmates au! Romcom.

Pairings : Taehyung × reader

Word limit : 2.06k

Warnings : fuckboi, bestie bad words, private talks, best friend sharing sex life, abusing, angst, misunderstanding, bullying, kissing, smut, fluff, explicit, student life, dirty talks, wet dreams, hitting on, making out, Dom,sub, yandere.

Summary : you shifted to a new city for your best friend Taehyung. He's your bestie since birth. You admitted to his school where you find life difficult. Taehyung being a fuckboi and you being is bestie he shares everything with you even his sex life and moves. But your character is far more different from him. You always looked for your comfort person. You dreamt of spending time with your future partners. Even you're in high school you haven't kissed anyone as you want to secure your first kiss for your special one. What happened when Taehyung seized the chance from you of your first romantic kiss!

Series: a drabble fanfiction of 3 sets.

Author note : this one is so emotional and romantic , so look forward to read it. I hope you'll love it. Finally, after reading give me your help full opinions. Love ya.

Chapter 1 ∆ CHAPTER 3

MASTERLIST

(๑♡⌓♡๑)(๑♡⌓♡๑)(๑♡⌓♡๑)(๑♡⌓♡๑)

You walks up to him and straight up slap him in his golden cheeks.

Slapping your bestie feels so bad, you felt the worst person in this planet. Your anger and frustration towards him still didn't left from your heart.

Taehyung getting slapped with your bare soft hands. He got thrilled. You slapped and left the venue. But eventually you feel someone grabbed your hand so hard. As you expected it's Tae. He was standing with his hand grabbing yours and the other hand holding his delicate cheeks you just slapped. You frowned.

"What was that?" Tae arrogantly asked.

"A slap to remember you that you're nothing but a stranger to me from now." You screamed.

"How dare you?" Tae squeezed your hands.

"How dare you to kiss me?" You eyed.

"Seriously, for a kiss you would slap your bestie" Tae sighed.

"It's My First Kiss" you emotionally acknowledged.

"It's just a kiss". Tae sighed.

"You were my best friend." Your voice broke.

"I still am. Still your best friend." Tae said.

"No, Tae. That's not how things happen. I told you hundreds of time that, I'm not like you. I can't makeout with anyone like you do. I have higher expectations and hope for my First Kiss. But you ruined it." You screamed.

"But you kissed me back." He too screamed.

"I don't, I don't know. It's just happened."

"See, you kissed me back but still reacting like a fucking slut. Don't be emotional virgin,____"

"Shut up, you fuckboy. See yourself. A fucking boy who can sleep with any and every girl across the door. I'm not like you, Taehyung. Maybe your dick fits for everyone but not for me. I never thought that you'll do something like this to me. I was your bestie." You bashed for him.

"What? Think before you speak,____" Tae sighed.

"Why will I? When you never even think about smashing your worst lips on mine? Huh." You said.

"I can't. You're the meanest. Actually your lips taste the worst. You don't even now how to kiss. Huh, how would you even know. You're a emotional Virgin. If I didn't kissed you, nobody in your entire life will do. You should thank me. Poor Virgin." Tae chuckled devilishly.

Hearing those cruel words from Tae. You just broken up. Those tears can't resist to drop themselves from your small pearl eyes. You never thought that your best friend can think that about you. Each and every word he speaks you remember word by word. The known loved face of Tae looked devilish to you now. He was not the same anymore. People change so do he. He turn to devil, who even can hurt their own people. You remember why you even here. It was all because of Tae who needed you. You were always there for your best friend. But he was never there. And he was the one who hurt you the most.

You can't let a word fall out of your mouth. Your neck was feeling pain out of caught your tears back. You don't want to face him anymore. Just want to go away from his gaze. His presence even stinks. He feels like a complete stranger to you. Out of anything you want was someone to tell you what is wrong and right. But your own friend was a traitor.

You still can't processed how things got runied between you. It was only second day of your staying with Tae, and you both already at the verge to broke up. The fight turns into a rival. You never have such a big issue or fight with him. Back in the old days, he always supported, loved and cared about you. But now at the school, he totally treat you like a new nerd girl who's hitting on him. So much things are going on your mind. The presence of your first kiss, the betrayal and the acting a stranger all from your own best friend.

"Huh! Don't fucking cry like a monster. Speak up, my toxic friend." Tae frowned.

His words makes your heart ache more and more. You can't stand to him. You wanted to slap him untill death. He was like a enemy to your eyes.

Without any response you shed off your tears, took a deep breath. Took your books from the library table and left the place.

Taehyung is deeply affected by your presence. He had never seen you like this. He somewhere immaturely annoyed by your response. The slap still leaves a mark on his cheeks. He deep down know that it's all his fault but his ego stops from accepting that. He only knew that you were overreacting and nothing. A kiss never can be compared with a slap. Best friend do this shitty things but the fight turns to Rival. Now, onwards he only know one thing she was his enemy and nothing.

You took your bagpacks from your classroom. And left the school. You stroll down the unknown street. The school, roads, place and your best friend seems stranger. You don't know where to go. For a second you thought of leaving your school from Seoul to go back to Daegu. But you promised Taehyung's mother that you would not leave him in the half way. You decide to stick to him but he wasn't your best friend anymore. But he was, no he still is. Might be you were little too much to response harshly. But he need to apologize to you first. And you were not gonna talk to him anymore.

Taehyung when came to classroom and can't find you anywhere, he got that you skipped the school. He was worried about you, after all you knew no one there. It was completely unknown place to you. But he know his way of finding where are you. He checked your snap location and at his surprise you were already home. He got relieved but still want to realise you that you were wrong to slap him.

You gone home as no other option was left. Did your homework and some self study. And missed your old Tae a bucket. Cried for hours over the same boy. But your strong will power helps you to organise yourself more. Took a fresh shower and done your hair and skin care.

Lying on the bed you were checking your social media. At your surprise you see something that broke your heart again. Tae posted a photo with his school friends and captioned it "far from the toxic friendship. Best day to get to know about real colour of people." You were so annoyed. You deep down know that he posted it for you. Tae intentionally posted to mock you. You were like does he thinks that you were toxic, he want to end friendship so he should tell you early. Such a asshole he was.

You know you have to call him, to tell him that he don't deserve you. That he was wrong to take away your first kiss. You called him and as expected he didn't received. You called him again, he received.

"You asshole." You screamed.

"What? What do you want now?" Tae arrogantly said.

"You fucking don't deserve a bestie like me. Your sarcasm is not a joke. You think you would mock me and I'll ignore it. Huh." You frowned.

"I see... So, how was my post. You like it. I love the caption so much. It's best to ignore toxic people like you." Tae devilishly grinned.

"Just fuck off with your poor fake gang Kim Taehyung. I even don't give a fuck. I hate you." You declined the call.

You screamed across the lungs that you can't with this boy.

Thinking all those think you drifted into sleep. You woke up to some weird noises coming from living room. And it's of screaming some girls. Felt weird that who was gonna scream like a monster at that time. That was barely late evening. As you were moving closer to living room the noises turns to moans. And as expected it was none other than your fake bestie Taehyung.

"What the heck? " You screamed.

"Oh my god. Who's she?" The girl screamed violently.

Taehyung turns to you and let out a deep sigh.

"_____, you're here again. Get off your ass. We're in a moment." Taehyung continued.

"Why in the living room? Don't you have two big bed rooms of your. Don't stain my yellow couches with your c-" you were cut off in the middle by the girl who covered herself with Tae's shirt.

"Shut up. Just go. Babe, we should go to your bed room."

"We can have sex anywhere and everywhere in this house. It's my fucking house,_____. Understood. Now, go." Taehyung rolled his eyes.

"I'm here too. As a roommate, I don't like this. Now go to your bedroom." You sighed.

"You are a bitch,_____. And you know that. You just ruined my mood." Tae frowned

"Babe we can start again, let's make your mood. So, where were we-" the girl said.

"You, please shut up. Take your clothes and fuck off." Taehyung sighed.

"But babe we ca-"

"Get out, slut." Taehyung directed the girl and she wear her clothes finally leaving you two alone.

A deep silence surround you both. None of you were starting a conversation. You were standing at the living room's door and he was sitting at the couch with his hand on the side chin. His dark brown eyes pierced yours. It was like he gonna kill you straight with his staring. You try to hide from his gaze but can not. He got up and grabbed your hands.

"What do you want?" His firm slow voice cut through your ears.

"Huh! I was ... Just asking to be at your bedroom." You stumble.

"Why you slapped me? Is kissing is an offense?"

"For me it is. You have totally changed."

He grabbed your hands and pinned you across the wall leaving enough space to breathe.

"Leave me. You're embrassed of me! Aren't you?" You sighed.

"Embrassed of you? Why?" Tae asked .

"You call me a little nerd in front of your friends. Why? You're treating me like you never knew me. I'm shocked to see such changes. I know I'm not cool like you nor I'm good looking like you. But still you would not talk and even humiliate your best friend in front your school friends. I'm your child hood friend, Taehyung. Mind it." You speak your heart out.

"Are you okay?" Taehyung speaks with his most delicate voice. He never believe that you have think to much just within a day. This was not what he was expecting.

"No, I'm not. I'm here for you but still you are ignoring me. Calling me slut, humiliating me and doing everything a best friend shouldn't do." Tears rolled down from your eyes. You can't anymore hold that back. Your eyes got puffy with tears. Your heart sink because of Tae.

Without any response Taehyung hugged you. Pressed you in his huge warm body. His hands patted your small head and back. But still you were crying.

"Stop crying. You misunderstood me. I'm sorry." Taehyung sighed.

"Please, let me explain you everything. I'm not ignoring you. It's just if I tell everyone that you're my bestie then they would see you as a person like me. I don't want you to be like me. I just wanted that you would make your own image as you wanted in your new school. I want you to be the best in the class and not like me who's always known for having girls around. I... I'm sorry." Taehyung explained.

You hugged him back and even cried more that his shirt got all drenched.

"No. Don't talk to me." You murmured.

"I'm apologizing. I really like you." Taehyung sighed.

A moment of silence between all those words make you stumble. You were still hugged by your best friend who just confronted his feelings to you.

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dumangelbaby · 3 years

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Trigger warning for those who need it. I've been getting questions about my former Daddy, and why I don't date anymore. Sometimes I get really sad when I talk about him, and it's okay.

But this is why I don't date anymore. It's long and detailed so please don't read unless you're prepared. Yes, I do now realize how much I went through. No you don't need to treat me like glass because of this. I'm only posting this so that maybe you can understand...

I'm going to Supreme Court with my ex. Almost two years ago, he strangled and raped me while my kids were in our livingroom. We were separated. He'd told me we needed to talk because he accepted a date proposal from a girl at the suprise party I threw him but couldn't be there for, two days previous. I was with him for 5 years; he was a covert malignant narcissist. He was also my Daddy and my boyfriend. I went on the bed and asked what he wanted to talk about. Before I could even blink, he was on top of me, with his hand around my throat.

Normally I would have found this hot. But we were separated. I told him I was sleeping on the couch again. I didn't want to play house anymore. As well, I felt anger and hatred behind his hand. He had his full force and it was hurting the bones just below his hand. I tried to move them but I couldn't. I also couldn't breathe. And I didn't know when he would lift his hand.

"I guess the only way I'm going to get through to you is by fucking you"

I was about to pass out and he readjusted. He gave me orders and said what I'd get later would be worse than what I was about to. He asked if I understood. And in my last daze of grey I nodded as much as I could, before he finally let go. All I could think was, "Am I going to die?", "What if I die with the kids out there?", And "This feels wrong, is he really doing this? No, he couldn't be"

But he was. And I was so scared he's hurt me again I was too scared to say my safeword.

Read that again.

Raspberries.

I turned over and he somehow got his pants down and put my hand on him. He was the hardest I'd ever felt him

And I just cried into my pillow. He finished on my back and told me to get cleaned up to make dinner.

I slipped off the bed, tears streaming down my face. I made myself look at him, wondering if he knew what he did and why he did it.

Then he took the hair on the sides on my face, kissed my nose, and cocked his head... and smirked.

And that look will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Fast forward a couple months later, I unexpectedly meet my next Daddy. He took me by surprise and he was the most lovely human being to me.

We were like twins, outside of the bedroom. And he helped me complete some of my sex bucket list.

There were times were I would have a flashback, and I'd end up on the bathroom floor, bawling, unable to open my eyes to let Daddy see me. He'd gently pick me up and bring me to the bed and rock me. Sing or talk to me, until I could open my eyes, and I stopped heaving.

I was so in love with this man. I loved him from the North to the South to the East to the West. I'd have done almost anything for him.

But I guess he got scared. Or he didn't think he could love me the way I needed. It was sudden, three days before court started. He said he wanted me just as close as friends but also cancelled coming over the day before court to give me a pep talk, acting weird. All he messaged me the day he was supposed to come over was "I know you'll kick his ass". His best friend checked in on me both days of court, when he didn't. I was up on the stand with my stuffie for 5 hours, answering questions that implied I was malicious and set him up with someone I didn't know, because I didn't want to leave.. They tried questioning me about things they weren't legally allowed to. And at the end of the day he asked for recess because he was just getting to the lengthy and rougher part of the questioning. Even the judge was pissed.

His mom tried to get me to drop the charges a year ago, and tried to bribe me without my knowledge by trying to buy my tires being changed.

And then I saw him, and he looked into my eyes...I broke up on that stand, and the security guard had to do breathing exercises with me to calm me down.

When I got home, I blocked and deleted my former Daddy on everything. It hurt too much. He showed up unannounced, could barely talk or look at me and asked for a hug. He could barely speak or look at me. I told him no and not to come back. Later that night I found food sent by him outside. My meds were making it so I couldn't eat and I had lost a lot of weight. I broke down and started crying. I wanted to die that night. I wrote him a letter saying goodbye and gave it to his best friend to give to him. He was with me to listen without judgement. I appreciated it more than he'll ever know.

But. It made me not believe in being in love anymore. I don't ever want to fall in love again. So please, if you message me, do so keeping this in mind. I'm still going to court. Please don't go getting it into your head that that's a challenge you need to attempt and my heart is a prize.

#triggering content

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snowberried · 3 years

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Akihiko Sanada dating hcs

(A/N: My first post on Tumblr, starting off with best boy! Hopefully this is good enough for a first post!)

- Character: Akihiko Sanada

-- Fandom: Persona (3)

--- Gender: Neutral (A little bit more feminine, but anyone can still read!)

---- Includes 13 seperate lines for if you have a persona.

----- Spoilers: Yes (Pass by if you don't want to see spoilers!)

----------------------------------------------------------

• Akihiko and you probably met at school, same class (or if you're younger) maybe just passing by the halls.

You not being in his fanclub was a relief to him, finally not some weird fangirl, he wished he wasn't bombarded by a group of girls and could be a normal high school student, and you made him feel that way.

He could hang out with you and not feel awkward, could actually do activities with someone not swooning over him (well, not immediately).

When you do actually start dating, I feel like he'd be the one actually confessing it, probably like the p3p confession, he wouldn't exactly do it in the most romantic way.

If you confess, he'd probably pull you straight into a kiss, a gentle one, he has this huge though soft smile on his face.

He looks like a dork.

"Y/N- I've- felt this way around you.. I think it may be love.."

He would probably take you to Hagakure's ramen shop after he gets done training, sometimes even treating you.

This man would treat you right, hang out with you and buy you things. Ultimate ladies's man. Well- that is if he was actually good at flirting.

This man is also horrible at flirting, awful.

"Uh- the sunset is almost as pretty as your- smile-??"

Actually he's pretty cheesy.

Whether that's cute to you or not is your choice.

Finding it funny and joking about it would make him feel comfortable flirting, him liking to see you laugh, he hasn't been able to do that to much people.

Actually thinking it's cute would fluster the heck out of this boxer champion, him? Being cute? You must have the wrong person, right?

Call him cute, he'll essentially break down, well- him trying to hide it.

He wouldn't try to look flustered, you started dating him because of his strength, yeah, most definitely, just look cool.

Although he would be horrible at trying to hide it, stuttering a bit on his words, and just shutting down quiet style, hiding his face subtly.

You tease him about it? Even more flustered. He'd say things like "Shut up Y/n-" or just telling you to stop. (Well, I mean the joking manner.)

You'd only stop when he'd literally offer you food to stop.

So now y'all asses at Wild-duck Burger, Akihiko ready to cough up some money.

If it wasn't obvious, Akihiko likes giving you gifts, his love language would be gift giving... Well if it wasn't for quality time.

He loves spending time with you! Jogging especially, although it doesn't have to be anything active, it could be baking, or knitting for all he cares. Well- maybe not knitting, he doesn't seem like the kind of person who'd like knitting.

I'm sure one time he took you to train with him.

If you enjoyed it, cool! Something else to do that you both enjoy.

Though I'm guessing you wouldn't, and in that case, he understands, he'd enjoy coming home from training to see you sitting down or laying on the bed, cuddling with you.

"You're always so cold in bed.. do you wait for me or-?"

He'd probably play with your hair a lot, long or short.

You'd probably go to some of his boxing events, and he gets really happy when you do. Secretly trying better to impress you.

He wouldn't flat out say in the ring that he was trying for you, but later in private he probably would, although kinda bluntly.

"I tried to show off for you y'know?"

After all the boxing matches, you'd be the one to patch him up most likely. Your pretty much a makeshift doctor in the comfort of Akihiko's room.

Speaking of Akihiko's room, you two sleep in there most of the time, though you give it your own touch.

There's all the times your boyfriend won boxing matches, and there's one right near the middle of you winning a spelling bee, or the winner of a 2nd grade art contest.

"I think any accomplishment is good enough!"

"Aki I won that 10 years ago!"

Also of course you're allowed to call him Aki, he finds the name cute, the faintest little blush in his cheeks whenever it's said. (he denies it though)

Hope you don't mind the constant smell of protein while sleeping, he most of the time has 2 whole buckets worth of it at all times in the corner of his room.

He offers you some everytime you eat together, saying it's helpful for if you'd wanted to jog afterwards.

declines everytime.

~It is now angst time~ (Final spoiler ahead warning)

You remind him a lot of Mika.

You know about his past, about Mika. You try to comfort him about it when he gets sad over it.

You knew Shinjiro because of Akihiko, you knew they were great friends, they treated each other like brothers.

So obviously, he didn't take his death very well, or at all.

You were the only one to see him cry, he was in his room sad the entire day. You convinced him to open the door, and you immediately hugged him.

He was devastated, and just started crying on your shoulder. He didn't fight them back or anything. You patted his back and brought him to his bed, and laid down with him.

He thanks you so much for that, saying when he gets better he'll make it up to you. If you try to protest, he'll just kiss you and shake his head.

So you'll eventually wore down and accept.

He promises he'll protect you, if it's the last thing he does. He can't lose 3 people.

~If you have a persona~

Obviously you'd join S.E.E.S. and honestly, Aki is all for it, who wouldn't wanna see their partner kick ass?

Just more time to train together?

At Dark Hour you're suddenly woke up by Akihiko every night.

"Aki it's 13 at night-"

"C'mon! Can't we can get a little training in at least-?"

In Tartarus, although not noticable, Aki does try to protect you if you're ever in critical health.

He'll purposefully make Polydeuces keep Dia just in case you may need a heal.

Yukari and Ken wondering why they can't just heal you.

If one of you is sick or tired, the other won't go to Tartarus, simple as that.

You'll stay at the dormitory and help the other get some rest, laying down with the other and singing lullabies to the other.

Akihiko will offer soup, which if Shinjiro is alive, he'll cook

Though if he isn't, Aki will just try to make it instead, it's always better than you'd thought it would be.

"Have a great night Y/N."

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A/N: I am finished!!! I hope it was alright for my first headcanons.

✿ Have a great day!! *.✧

#akihiko sanada #persona 3 #headcanon #mxm

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wonkasmissstarshine · 4 years

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The Chocolatier’s Rose {Willy Wonka x OC} Ch.40

GIFs not mine. Credit go to owners.

Summary: Rose finds out some wonderful news.

A/N: Nearing the end. There will be about ten more chapters or so. I just want to say thanks to my readers, and I’m glad you’ve been enjoying this story. I have plans to do a Fairytale AU, and I will be posting a preview of it very soon.

Tagging: @holdmeicant @willymywonkers @sleepiesapphicxoxo @frozenhuntress67

Months later...

It was a quiet day. Rose had decided to spend the day with her family. Minus her father as he was at work, and Charlie as he was busy with Willy for the day. That just left Rose with her mother and grandparents.

Mrs Bucket and Rose were doing the dishes. Grandpa Joe was sweeping up the floor. Grandma Josephine and Grandma Georgina were knitting sweaters and scarves. Grandpa George was fixing a broken clock.

Yep. It all seemed quiet. That is, until Rose found herself feeling nauseated. She didn't want to throw up in the sink, dirtying the dishes even more. So she grabbed the closest thing she could which was an empty mop bucket.

Rose crouched on the floor as puked into the bucket. All the other Buckets shared concerned glances with each other. Mrs Bucket crouched beside her daughter and rubbed her back. "You feeling alright, dear?"

Rose lifted her head up. "Yes, I think I'm—" She vomited again.

"Come on, darling" Mrs Bucket helped Rose to her feet. She guided her over to the couch and sat her down. She then put her hand over her daughter's forehead. "You don't feel feverish. Still, we should take you to the doctor. Just in case"

"Mum, I'm fine" Rose instantly regretting saying that as she puked in the bucket again. "Take me to the doctor, please"

Mrs Bucket grabbed Rose by the arm and helped her to her feet. She made sure to keep an arm around her, in case she was feeling faint and about to fall. "We shouldn't be too long, hopefully" Mrs Bucket addressed the grandparents. "If Nathan, Charlie or Willy show up, tell them we'll be back soon"

The Buckets bid their farewell to the two women. Though, something Grandma Georgina said was very interesting. "You'll be coming back with wonderful news! I know it!"

It was like she knew something.

******

It wasn't just a simple check up like Rose and Mrs Bucket thought it would be. The doctor suspected something, though he wouldn't say what, and wanted to do a few more tests.

"Mum, what if somethings wrong?" Rose began to panic. "What if I'm sick with something? What if I'm dying!? What would I tell Willy? I can't leave him, mum!"

"Calm down, dear" Mrs Bucket said in a calm tone. She put her hand over Rose's. "I'm sure it's nothing too serious. Probably just a stomach bug or something"

At that moment, the doctor, named Dr Potts, entered the room. He had his clipboard in hand. "We got all the test results back, Mrs Wonka"

Rose's eyes widened in worry. "I'm sick aren't I? I'm sick with something incurable!"

Dr Potts shook his head. " I assure you, you're not sick"

"Oh" Rose sighed with relief.

"But, that doesn't mean the tests didn't find anything"

Mrs Bucket blinked. "And what did my daughter's tests find?"

Dr Potts gave a great big smile. "Congratulations, Mrs Wonka. You're pregnant"

Rose and Mrs Bucket were left speechless. It took a few moments for the news to register with Rose, and when it finally did, her eyes began tearing up. "So... I'm going to be a mom...and Willy... he's going to be a dad"

"Darling," Mrs Bucket looked to her daughter. She smiled and touched her arm. "That's absolutely wonderful! Everyone is going to be so ecstatic"

Rose tried to say something, but she broke out into tears. Mrs Bucket looked to Dr Potts. "Do you mind?"

"Take your time" Dr Potts said before leaving the mother and daughter alone.

Mrs Bucket pulled her crying daughter into a hug. She rubbed her back as she cooed into her ear. "Rose, what's wrong? Aren't you happy?"

"That's why I'm crying!" Rose said. "I haven't cried happy tears like this since the wedding" She smiled the biggest smile she could. "I'm a mom! And Willy is a dad!"

Mrs Bucket smiled. "He's going to be so happy to hear that. I just know it"

******

When Rose and Mrs Bucket returned home, they shared the news with Grandpa Joe, Grandma Josephine, Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina. All of them were quite excited at the news.

"I knew it!" Grandma Georgina beamed.

"We're great grandparents!" Grandpa Joe exclaimed. "I honestly thought we'd never live to see the day"

"I can't wait until dad finds out! And Charlie! And Willy, of course! Oh, I must tell him right away!" Rose spoke excitedly. She was about to head out the door. "I don't even know what room he's in! Maybe the Oompa-Loompas know!"

"Rose, dear, calm down for a moment" Mrs Bucket said. She grabbed Rose's hand and lead her over to the table. "I understand you're excited, but if you're going to tell Willy, why not make the occasion special?"

"Alright" Rose nodded. She thought of an idea. "Oh! How about a picnic in the park?"

"Couldn't have thought of anything better myself" Grandpa George said.

"That's a wonderful idea, Rose" Grandma Josephine added. "Perhaps a sunset picnic? You could stay out late and watch the stars"

"Even better!"

"I'll get started on preparing a basket. I'll make some sandwiches. And I'm sure there's a spare blanket around here somewhere" Mrs Bucket said. She began looking around for the picnic basket and a spare blanket.

Mr Bucket, at that moment, walked through the door. "Hello Buckets!"

Everyone greeted him back. The grandparents waved. Mrs Bucket made sure to give him a kiss. And Rose made sure to hug him.

That's when she told him the news. "You're going to be a grandfather"

"Oh Rose! That's wonderful news!" Mr Bucket celebrated. He kissed her on the forehead. "Does Willy know yet?"

"I'm going to tell him during a special picnic tonight" Rose explained. "Oh, and please, don't tell Charlie. I want to be the one who tells him"

"Don't worry. We won't say a word" Mr Bucket promised.

******

Mrs Bucket had the basket all prepared. She made some sandwiches, cut up some fruit and added other snacks to it. She even put in a bottle of apple cider. The blanket was nicely folded on top of everything.

"Mum," Rose spoke up, approaching Mrs Bucket. "Can you add just one more thing to the basket?"

"Of course, dear. Whatever you'd like" Rose handed a note to Mrs Bucket. "What's this?" She opened up the note and read it. It was a beautifully written note that revealed Rose's pregnancy to Willy. Rose thought it was a special way to share the news, and so did Mrs Bucket as she smiled. "I'm telling you dear, he's going to cry when he reads this" She tucked the letter into the basket.

It was just a little before dinner time when Charlie and Willy came to the Bucket house. Willy smiled when he saw his wife. He couldn't help but notice this glow about her. He's actually noticed it for a few days now. Whatever it was, he liked it.

"Hello, my beautiful and most wonderful starshine" He said to her. Of course, he greeted her with a sweet kiss.

"And hello to you, my handsome and most amazing cocoa bean" Rose said. There was no hiding the smile on her face. She was itching to tell him, but it wasn't the right time yet. Not until their picnic. Next, Rose turned to greet Charlie. She crouched so she was level with him and gave him a great big and tight hug. "And of course, a hello to you Charlie. How was your day?"

"It was great" Charlie said. "How about yours?"

Rose just shrugged, acting as if it were like any other day. "Oh, nothing out of the ordinary" She caught eyes with Mrs Bucket, and they both smiled at each other.

Mrs Bucket walked up to Rose and gave her the basket. "Here you are, darling. I've put everything in there"

"Thank you, mum" Rose turned to Willy. "I was thinking we could go on a little picnic tonight. Just you and me. It's been awhile since we've had a proper date"

"I would like that very much, my starshine" Willy said. "We'll take the elevator and find a nice quiet spot. And we can stay out as long as you like"

Rose smiled, wrapping her arms around him, hugging him closely to her as she hummed in content. She couldn't wait to tell him.

******

The two of them had found the perfect spot on top of a high hill. It overlooked all the bright stars in the sky, and there wasn't another person in sight, meaning that no one would disturb them. On top of that hill, stood a lone cherry blossom tree. Rose and Willy decided to set up their picnic under the pink, beautiful tree.

"Look at all those stars" Rose said, admiring all the twinkling natural lights. "They're so beautiful, don't you think?"

There was only one star that Willy was staring at. And it wasn't any of the ones in the sky. "No star can ever shine as bright or as beautifully as you do" He reached over and pushed her hair behind her ear. "That's what makes you my starshine"

Rose smiled and bit her lip. "Such a romantic you are, Willy"

Willy cupped her face. "Only for you" He leaned in, pressing a soft and sweet kiss to Rose's lips. When the kiss ended, he admired her beautiful face. The glow from the moonlight accentuated the natural glow that she had developed. "I've noticed this recent glow about you. I really like it"

"Well, there might be a reason why I've been glowing recently"

Willy tilted his head and furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Why don't you look in the basket?"

He opened up the basket and took a peek inside. "Hmm. I see some food, and there's a bottle of apple cider in here. Wait, what's this?" Willy noticed the letter and took it out of the basket. "Starshine, what's this?"

"Read it" Rose excitedly urged him.

Willy opened up the letter and he began reading it.

My love,

Words cannot express how much I love you. And words cannot express the happiness that I'm feeling on this very day. And I hope you will feel that same happiness when I tell you why.

Besides the Bucket family, we've been a family of two for quite some time now. Just you and me. But that's going to change. Because today, I found out that we're welcoming a new member into our family.

Willy, you're going to be a father.

When Willy reached the end of the letter, his heart swelled. He looked up at his wife. And the smile on her face made his heart swell up more. "I'm going to be a dad?"

"Yes" Rose whispered.

She hadn't ever seen Willy cry before. He hadn't even cried during their wedding. Rose did plenty of that for the both of them.

This was Rose's first time seeing Willy Wonka cry. But she knew they weren't sad tears. They were happy tears.

"Oh, cocoa bean" Rose cooed, cupping his face and wiping away his tears.

"I'm going to be a papa!" Willy exclaimed. His arms wrapped around Rose and he hugged her tightly. "We're having a little jellybean! Oh, Rose! I'm so happy!" He giggled out in pure joy.

"I knew you would be"The two of them kissed.

Then they ate the wonderful food that Mrs Bucket had prepared for them. They stayed very late into the night, finding themselves making love to each other.

******

It was very quiet and late when the Wonkas made their return to the factory. There was one more person Rose had to tell the news to, and she knew he'd be fast asleep right now. But Charlie wouldn't mind.

The two of them stopped in front of the Bucket house, and proceeded to speak in whispers as to not wake any of them up. "Will you be alright without me for tonight?" Rose asked Willy.

"I'll be fine, starshine. Don't worry" Willy assured her. He gave her a kiss. "I know that you're still in the factory at least"

Rose smiled and caressed his cheek. "Have sweet dreams of me"

Willy returned her smile. He placed his hand overtop of hers. "I'm already living the sweetest dream with you" He brought her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss to her knuckles. "Goodnight, starshine" He got down on his knees and grabbed Rose by the waist. "And goodnight to you, my precious jellybean" Willy cooed to his unborn child, and pressed another kiss to Rose's stomach.

Rose couldn't help but smile. Willy was already such a wonderful father. He stood back onto his feet. Rose grabbed the back of his head and pulled him into one more kiss. "Goodnight, cocoa bean" She whispered to him.

They finally parted ways. Willy made his way back to their home in the Garden Room, while Rose entered the Bucket house. She was careful not to make any noise. She didn't want to risk waking her family up, even though they wouldn't be furious if she did. There was just enough dim light coming from the Chocolate Room, peeking in through the cracks and windows that Rose could see where she was stepping.

She made it up to Charlie. She removed her boots and carefully crawled into bed with him. Charlie could feel his bed dipping, so he slowly opened his eyes to see what it was. He smiled when he saw his sister. "Rosie?" He said quietly. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to tell you something, Charlie" She said. "And I'm too excited to wait until morning"

"What is it?"

"You're going to be an uncle"

"Really?" Charlie's eyes sparkled with joy and wonder. "That's wonderful news, Rosie. What did Willy say when you told him?"

"He was so happy that he started to cry" Rose said. Her eyelids were becoming heavy. "I think it's time we both get to sleep, Charlie"

Charlie snuggled into Rose, and she wrapped her arms around him. "Goodnight, Rosie"

"Goodnight, Charlie"

The two siblings drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

#willy wonka x oc #willy wonka x reader #willy wonka #rose bucket #my oc #rose and willy #the chocolatier's rose

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shibalen · 4 years

Note

H-hi I would like to request for Haikyuu and Yona of the dawn and um music box and jewellery box. I'm female, 18 y/o. My height is 172 cm. My hair is black and a bit below my shoulders. My skin is somewhat fair/yellowish. My eyes are dark brown and i wear glasses. My zodiac sign is Gemini and my MTBI test is ISFP-T. I'm still very confused about my sexuality so I'm okay with either and i never were in a relationship before. My hobbies are listening to music and watching anime. (1/2)🌼

Other than that, my hobbies change from time to time. I'm very kind and am very good at comforting. I'm very shy but open up very slowly to someone. I'm not that talkative. I'm very protective towards my friends. I'm very anxious, oversensitive and very insecure. I also lack a lot of self esteem. But even if i have flaws i try my best amd know that my friends are always there for me. I also get easily embarrassed. Thank you *bows* (2/2) 🌼

♡︎ matchup for 🌼anon

hi there! thanks for your patience, and i hope you enjoy your matches!

haikyuu: i match you with . . .

hinata shoyo !!

• isfp-t's tend to be sensitive and gentle as well as intense and experimental. i think you're a good balance for Hinata because you'd keep his feet on the ground while he would help you be more confident about yourself. believe me, this ray of sunshine would adore you to the moon and back !!

• he becomes more observant thanks to you as he learns better how to keep his voice down and excitability under control so you wouldn't get overwhelmed. he loves you and only wishes for your comfort ♡︎

• you came to cheer on Kenma and Kuroo actually for a Nekoma vs Karasuno practice match the first time you two met. After the match Hinata was looking for his friend when he spotted you being surrounded by tall strangers and looking rather anxious.

• his instincts made him jump in and try to get them to stop bothering you, trying to be as intimidating as possible. but then you reached out and said they were first years just asking for directions (・∀・)

• it was an honest mistake, you assured him and found his kindness touching despite the truth. your mutual friends helped you feel more comfortable around this ball of energy, and, though you had already graduated by then, he was able to confess his feelings.

• he's talkative enough for the both of you and will happily do speaking in your stead if that's what you want until you become accustomed to the situation. always encourages and supports you no matter what!

• doesn't understand why you'd feel insecure because he's in love with you for who you are, but can relate to the feeling of inferiority nevertheless. he's your biggest cheerleader and admires your determination to keep doing your best! honestly, you're his inspiration.

• he's delighted to say the least when you begin opening up to him. knows better than to pressure you but sometimes he can't help but to cheer you on "uwah, your laugh is so pretty, y/n! i wanna hear it more!" – "i like this artist too! you have such a great taste in music!"

• thinks it's awesome sauce that you switch between hobbies. you get to try out new things all the time, and whenever you show/tell him about what you started you can see stars in his eyes. it comes as no surprise he's tried getting you into volleyball too.

• you'd think with all the volleyball going on in his head Hinata's never been in a relationship before either. well, you are absolutely correct. you're just two awkward dorks in love trying your best.

• Hinata would be a stuttering mess at first, his hands sweating buckets as he tries to take hold of yours. however, once he understands you're also shy he makes an effort to appear more confident.

• brags about you to everyone because he needs them to know how incredible you are.

• one time when he was showing you volleyball he praised you for an amazing receive so many times that your face overheated and you hid in the corner from embarrassment. bby was so worried he'd said something wrong that he went crying to Suga. "i broke y/n!!" ｡ﾟ(*´□`)ﾟ｡

• tol girlfriend makes his heart go doki doki. loves that you accept his height as well (pre-timeskip at least). will give you piggybacks to train but to also have fun with you. post-timeskip you're the same height which means he lifts you up and carries you a lot more to make up for lost time (•̀ᴗ•́)و

• for dates you'd have, for example, anime marathons (his favorites are shounen, sports, and comedy, surprise!), go to adventure parks and conventions and shopping at music stores.

♫︎ music box

— Someone To You by BANNERS

— Sunkissed by khai dreams

— Talk Too Much by COIN

— Appreciated by Rixton

— Magic Shop by BTS

♡︎ runner up: Tadashi Yamaguchi

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

akatsuki no yona: i match you with . . .

kija !!

• all right, i have my reasons! Kija may be quite headstrong and startle you with that trait sometimes but he is also extremely caring and attentive—it goes well with your kind and shy personality, he finds those traits the absolute cutest. it also squeezes his heart how protective you are of your loved ones ♡︎

• this dear boy invests all of his emotions into everything he does so it's easy for him to get hurt. during times like these your presence and advice are the best remedies he could wish for. he seeks you out sometimes even not registering it himself.

• you'd known each other for a long time, having grown up in the same village, but hardly interacted due to Kija always being secluded and treated as a god. once he was escaping the women who were trying to get to him, and met you at the edge of the village. you offered to hide him despite knowing better.

• you stayed on his mind ever since and whenever he'd see you he called your name for attention. the word about you two got around fast but you weren't liking the attention. Kija just wanted to be with you without everyone poking their nosees into it.

• so when Yona, Hak and Yoon arrived at last Kija insisted you'd come with them, swearing to protect you from all harm!

• it saddens him that you don't have a lot of self-esteem. he easily goes into rants whenever someone else says something even slightly bad about you. will throw hands with that person regardless of who they are, don't test him. you might want to step in though if starts turning into a scene.

• anyway, he won't let you forget how much potential you have. he'll stop you the moment you try to put yourself down and lists all the great things you've done. he remembers your smallest actions and words of kindness and makes sure you do as well.

• Kija seeks your approval like a puppy. whenever he wins a competition against Hak or does anything even slightly praiseworthy he turns to you with sparkling eyes. lighting a fire? yep. cooking? uh-uh. waking up earlier than Hak? most definitely. "did you see that, y/n? amazing, right??"

• very blushy about anything publically affectionate, but if you're feeling anxious any situation at all he will gently make sure you know he's there for you. tenderly touching you or whispering "it's all right. you'll be okay", anything to help put your mind at ease.

• not to be nsfw or anything but please run your fingers through his hair and over his scars and tell him how proud you are of him. he will melt into your touch ｡ﾟ°(❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)

• it's so adorable though that you can compliment each other like there's no tomorrow but the moment you recieve one ever you'll turn into flustered little bundles ♡︎ it's quite fun for the rest of the gang to watch as you lowkey argue over who has prettier eyes.

• your dates include exploring around towns and villages, picnics by lakes and rivers, dancing to the music in city centres and studying new things such as a place or language—anything new that you're curious about!

𑁍 jewellery box

— favourite memory with you:

the time both of you got lost in a cave and separated from others. you were scared and worried whether or not you'd make it out yet still put on a strong appearance for Kija's sake. admittedly, he tried acting tough too although there were bugs everywhere and he was freaking out. you, on the other hand, were so gentle with him and joked around lightly to ease his mind. it wasn't a particularly the happiest memory but it's his favourite because it always reminds him what a loyal, kind spirit you are.

— favourite activity to do together:

he loves going exploring with you! it teaches him new things about the world but also you, what you're facinated or repulsed by, what are things that make you laugh or sad. overall Kija is very big on quality time so don't be surprised when he asks if you'd like to go on a walk or teach him how to do something.

— favourite place to kiss you:

forehead, forehead, forehead, maybe cheeks too. a kiss doesn't come the most naturally for Kija, and you both prefer to show your affections through other actions. but a forehead kiss is sweet and innocent. he likes giving them to you when you're parting or saying goodnight/morning ♡︎

— favourite nicknames for you:

hmm, i think he'd be too shy to use anything but your name. BUT in the spur of the moment of complimenting you he easily describes you as cute, lovely, beautiful, enchanting, to name a few (・ωｰ)

— favourite thing about you:

if it comes down to it, it's your protectiveness and how much you care for others that makes Kija head-over-heels smitten with you. he's the same, so knowing you two share the same values makes him incredibly happy as it brings you even closer together ♡︎ though if you're too nice to anyone he'll get jelly like a little doggy and whine

♡︎ runner up: Yoon

thank you for requesting, dear! i had fun finding songs for the music box ( ^ω^) stay well and healthy, you are important ♡︎

#len's matches #matchups #anime matchups #🌼anon #haikyuu matchups #any matchups

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angelofdiamond · 5 years

Text

Togheter again for the eternity (DTMG story-fanfic)

https://uzuluna.tumblr.com/post/62408515996 . This is my story-fanfic about this post , all credits and rights going to @uzuluna (WARNING TAKE NAPKINS AND BUCKETS FOR TEARS AND HEARTS)

P.S. Soleana belong to me also the extra part , because do part of an my story , I have would added the extra for give more soft brother-relationship and a little spoiler..

Billy was so sad he has been disconsolate since his best friend... his brother Spencer at the age of 50 died of old age... so the media wanted to get through it but... BJC knew how things really went .Spencer had aged yes, but he kept fit, eating healthy, training body and mind and above all doing good works .. many times BJC has seen his brother go into hospitals to encourage children and others with his fame to not to give up their dreams, to share them, not to lose sight of the fact that there are more important things than the dreams themselves, he saw how he protected the kids from bullies..in short..he had become a wonderful adult..but now all this .. zero..*flashback *.

One day Billy, at Spencer's request, went over there to check if the technicians were doing a good job with lights and everything else. He suddenly noticed, however, two figures he had never seen come into one of the dressing rooms, he thought: "ok come on, they will be the usual interns who came late" but the curiosity was too much for him and he walked away following the two figures .. .the dressing room they entered was that of ... Spencer!

BJC: "ok ok calm Cobra, they will be two fan interns and they took the opportunity to see the inside of a dressing room of one of the most famous horror filmmakers that Hollywood has ever been able to see" Billy saw them stealthily escaping and saw only a blond tuft and another light brown color, he went in and saw everything as if no one had been there except ... for a strange glass next to Spencer's water bottle, Billy sniffed him but felt nothing strange but strangely had a bad impression, took the glass in fact, and threw it away.

SW: "Billy! What are you doing here !? Didn't I ask you to check if the technicians were doing a good job?" Spencer had returned from lunch with his mother, after all the fame on him, he could always find time for the others dear to him, including playing video games with Billy as he was when he was 14 and a half ..

BJC: "yes ... oh yes! Excuse me Bro-meo but suddenly I saw two people come in here and then I followed them, anyway it's quiet, the technicians are doing a good job"

SW: "Thank goodness, wait ... did you say two people? Who were they? Interns?"

BJC: "I don't know ... I thought about it but they left in a hurry and left a glass I had never seen before and then threw it, you'll thank me after * posing as a star *"

SW: * facepalm * "Billy tool-box I left that glass for medicine! Do you remember? medicine for the cold? But were you listening this morning? "

BJC: "probably ... I remember you mentioned something but I was too busy with the jar of PB"

SW: "as always ... uff ... feel today was a long and tiring day, could you please tell Shanila that after they finish closing everything? Let's continue tomorrow"

BJC: "Ok ... hey bro '... everything okay? You know I'm always there if you want to talk"

SW: "yes, I know ... it's just that ... I don't know, I have the clear feeling that not everyone appreciates what I do ... and today I had the confirmation ..."

BJC: "wait wait wait for what you mean !? Who doesn't appreciate what you do !? Make scary horror movies! Modestly thanks also to the man! To the legend! The Cobra!" Spencer could not laugh a bit at that exclamation. .ehh yes..your brother hadn't changed at all and that was fine with him he reassured, he was happy when his best friend in absolute was close to him to comfort him ... Spencer would not have gone by ANYWHERE without him ..

SW: "guess who I met at Wi-Fri?"

BJC: "Rajeev?"

SW: "maybe, but try again"

BJC: "Mallory?"

SW: "I doubt you leave your husband for me, try again"

BJC: "You won't tell me ... yet !? But he wasn't retired !?"

SW: "pension over bud', as far as I heard from Buch, Ponzi works there after his collapse at school and inside the boarding house..just saw me he told me about all the colors and hurt me sincerely .."

BJC: "that head of cheese expired! What did he tell you !?"

SW: "trust me and better ..."

BJC: "WHAT ?!"

SW: "that the world without me and mine movies , it would be a better place, which is my fault since I entered there in that school, that he is now like that, and that everything I do and what I will do will be useless and never remembered, that I will be alone forever ... "hearing those words Billy was shocked ... how could a person be so cruel, Billy is the first to keep the image of a "bad boy" he was a bit rude but never cruel, put him first, and he knew he was alone a cover, so much so that he apologized every time ... he knew that in the world most of the managers were slimy, cruel and profiteers, he had a couple of them close to his misfortune, but never so cruel, for what he remembers ..

BJC: "don't listen to it ... YOU UNDERSTAND IT !? DON'T LISTEN TO IT! FORGET WHAT IT SAID TO YOU! YOU'RE A WONDERFUL PERSON, MAKE GOOD TO ALL, IF YOU ARE FAMOUS DON'T LET YOU FAME THAT YOU CONSUME IT .. NOT LIKE ... MYSELF ARE YOU AN EXCEPTIONAL PERSON LIL 'BRO, AND DON'T ALLOW ANYONE SOMEONE TO TELL YOU THE OPPOSITE !? "

SW: "whoa! Calm friend! I understand but don't scream!"

BJC: "tell me you understand!"

SW: "I understand! I understand! Geez ... you're worse than my mother when she scolded us because the cookies were gone * laughs * remember?"

BJC: "* laughs in turn * pffft how could I not remember? That time in addition to the stomach ache we got a good scolding"

SW: "which theoretically I only caught it because you didn't see it" * they laugh together *

SW: "Billy..thank you..I appreciate it very much that you are close to me..I also really appreciate the fact that Shanila and Rajeev are with their work, thank you .. please go tell her?"

BJC: "ok!" Billy went to tell a Shanila from the change of plans, while Spencer, intrigued by the story of the two people, looked at the security cameras and noticed that the two figures looked a lot like .. Lolo and Ponzi! Spencer chilled but did he force himself and check if they had moved something, noticed that they had put something in the glass and in the bottle? The same glass that Billy threw away! Most likely they had put in some powerful laxative and Billy had saved him! Cabbage! Upon his return Spencer would surely have embraced him very much and thanked him over and over again. He took the bottle and checked it, he noticed nothing suspicious ... until ... he heard footsteps. I thought it was Shanila but it wasn't. Two people entered the cabin with force, blocking Spencer by the arms and holding him still. Fortunately, the training sessions with Jessica and Billy were useful because he immediately got free and threw a bottle over him.hitting the man, he grabbed his video camera and turned it on so he had some proof, fortunately it was well hidden.

SW: "why do you do this? Go away or call security!"

Both: "you have ruined the image since you came to that school! You a loser, become famous! You deserve to suffer!" Spencer tried to escape but the woman stopped the door, the man took it from behind and the woman took the bottle. Billy, who in the meantime had warned Shanila, felt that something was wrong and immediately flew to Spencer. He heard a loud noise and a strangled rattle .. it was Spencer! He was lying on the floor coughing, he was pale ..

BJC: "SPENCER! SPENCER! WHAT YOU HAVE FRIEND! REPLY! BROTHER REPLY FOR THE LOVE OF MUSIC!"

SW: * coughs * bo..bo..bottle..inside there was some cyanide..the video camera..there are the tests..Billy..I have cold..so...stay with me .. * coughs * "

BJC: "cyanide ...? What is it? Hey buddy stay awake! I'm here with you! SPENCER! * Shakes him * Spencer was becoming paler ..

SW: "it is a poison * coughs * very deadly..is almost immediate effect .." Spencer started crying knowing that now there was nothing more to do..he was dying ..

SW: * crying * "hey .. friend .. apparently I won't be able to finish this movie this time eh?"

BJC * starts to cry * "don't ... don't even say it as a joke..you..you.you have to finish it you are the only one who can..hold on now take off to call for help and you will heal..start well"

SW: "against cyanide if you do not act immediately there is no way to save me .. * puts his hand on the transparent cheek of Billy * we had..we had planned to stay together until the end and beyond it? * Cries * you would have done by uncle to my children if I married.. real brother? "

BJC: "Uncle Billy ... does not sound bad" * he is not theremakes her not cry loudly * "please .. don't go .. stay with me..it's my fault. .I had to stay here..who I stuck not to go..and only my fault .."

SW: "hey .. hey..shh shh it's not your fault, if I hadn't thrown the glass I'd be so long and I wouldn't have had time to tell you things .."

BJC: "don't talk ... save your breath, surely Shanila will have seen that we are not back and now she is coming to us"

SW: "there is nothing to do .. but I want to tell you the same .. thanks .."

BJC: "for what?"

SW: "to be my brother..my best friend, to be our relative and to be back after what happened to you..thanks for having me * he cries * .. for giving me a wonderful life full of joy, fun and adventures .. please go ahead .. "

BJC: "how do you go on ... what does it mean? Spencer! Hold on!"

SW: "you .. * the voice starts to get lighter * you ..i love ya brother..i'll come to take..yo-- "Spencer could not finish the two sentences that his body went out under the eyes of Billy.. his little brother..his best friend in absolute... gone...turn off. Billy cried so loudly that he caught Shanila's attention, that when he saw Spencer's body he screamed, cried, and asked what had happened. Billy, in pain, picked up the video camera to give it to Shanila who would give it to the police..but what would it do? * fine flashback *

Billy woke up from that painful memory, remembering how at the funeral there were all the people that Spencer had done them good ... after his funeral Billy was crying for 9 months on his grave .. day and night, his mother (Billy's mother) approached him at the end of the last day of the ninth month and told him ...

Soleana: "my son ... stop just torture yourself like this you are not at fault ... be at peace, so you can be with him ... "

BJC: "I don't deserve it .."

SC: "?"

BJC: "I didn't deserve to have a brother like that! I don't deserve joy or eternal happiness! He...he has always taken care of me ... giving me a chance to have a "normal" life. To be my best friend and now ... now they took it away from me and I didn't do anything to stop it! I don't deserve anything! I deserve to suffer ... I ... I want him to come back! That we come back like we used to spend time together school to defend us from Ponzi! May he stay alive in prison! .. I ... may stay that way forever ... and only my fault ... "

SC: "it is not true! You do not deserve all this! My beloved son you have to let go of this pain ... it is not easy and I know it..but let it help you..It will be much easier for all of us"

BJC: "I ... I don't deserve to be your son ... to have a family like that ... I destroyed it ... I destroyed everything ... as always"

SC: "it's not true! I couldn't have asked for a better son than you * hugs hard *! You..you .. you have no fault..but if you want to stay a little alone I understand you, just .. please remember that you I will visit every 2 days ok? "Billy nodded, took the camera and the pendant and went home.

From that moment on, Billy spent all his time keeping the house tidy, at least trying to comfort, even as a ghost, Spencer's parents and then one day they decided to leave for some time ... the paper said 3 months on vacation ... who could blame them? Leaving him alone for 3 months. His mother often came to visit him, to compliment his work ... but nothing moved him ... it was destroyed. His mother noticed that he was holding Ponzi's spare wig, the one they had both taken for a little revenge, but they would have returned it if it wasn't already he had another, and a bright feather ..

SC: "is that it?"

BJC: "I found it next to me when I was well ... I think it's some pigeon ..."

SC: "she's so bright and light. I doubt she's from some pigeon ... can I see her?" Billy nodded. The mother took the feather and inspected it better ... there was no doubt it was an angel's feather. He picked up the feather and felt pervaded by a warm force, that strength allowed him to see ... Spencer! He was trying to get close to him but his pain was so strong that it formed a barrier. Seen this, he put down the feather and said aloud ..

SC: "you did a great job, I advise you to go to REST and to DREAM a few things, maybe you could do things you couldn't do before!"

BJC: * strums the wrong rope * "ouch mum! I understand there is no need to scream! I go! ... night .."

SC: "night my love..I hope that in your dreams you will find a bit of serenity and awareness .."

BJC: "?"

SC: "nothing my love .. now rests" Ghosts generally do not normally dream like before but "dream" their memories of when they were alive .. and for sure Billy did not dream of good things for a while or at least yes but...they all turned into nightmares because of the pain. Soleana went into the kitchen and heard a sweet voice that said "thank you". Billy closed his eyes, clutching the feather so soft and the wig ... he began to dream. He dreamed of the moments he spent with Spencer, when he was small and when he was a teenager .. but those dreams were distorted with a thousand voices around him that always repeated to him: "it's your fault! You left him alone! You don't deserve anything!You deserve to suffer forever like a ghost and not to be with him in the light! You don't deserve it! You won't stay with him ... NEVER! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED FOREVER ! "Billy moved frantically, suffering in his own memories, blaming himself for something he had no blame for ... blocking him there ... until the feather in his hands lit up, opening a gash in Billy's nightmares and bringing him with himself in a brighter spot. "Billy looked around and noticed that his" colors "came back to him when he was alive. He felt strangely good but still aching ... and then he saw a figure on the horizon. very familiar and could not believe it .. that figure noticed it very quickly, smiled at him, held out his arms forward to say "run to hug me tool-box!", and it was wrapped in that same light .. it was .. Spencer! His little brother ... his best friend returned to being 14 again, he was there with open arms just for him. Billy was about to take off from him ... but he remembered that he didn't deserve it, and everything started to do new darkness but this time, Spencer ran to him holding him close, and the shadows disappeared. Billy burst into a loud cry ...

BJC: "little brother .. are you ... really you? I'm not dreaming?"

SW: "shhh yes big brother I am, in your dreams but I am really I * hugs him more and more strongly *"

BJC: "leave me please! I don't deserve anything .. it's just my fault .. it's my fault!"

SW: "tool box is not your fault for anything ... don't you remember? I told you no?"

BJC: "It's not true! It's just my fault. I have to stay close to you! I deserve to suffer!" Spencer heard them saying, he squeezed Billy more and stroked his back and told him it wasn't like that. Billy calmed down a little but still wept bitterly until he asked him in tears ..

BJC: "Why are you here? Why aren't you in Heaven? What is this place?"

SW: "I'm here for you, to come I asked the angels if it was possible for me to come and get you, they said yes, it would have taken a while, and I had to pass the barrier you created, but I could ... if I could. This is a sort of room where the light of your dearest dreams is not reached by the shadows, so they explained it to me "

BJC: "What do you mean to me? Are you an angel now.. little brother?"

SW: * hugs him even more * I told you, or at least I tried, that I would come and pick you up and wait for you and say that I'm not yet "

BJC: "I ... I ... I don't deserve it! I'm a bad person! I've hurt everyone! I deserve to suffer not being with you and being happy forever!" Spencer denied all the statements he had said and he explained that up there they knew what Billy really was like, they had seen his pain, which is why they immediately allowed him to go and get him and explained to him also why he had become a ghost ... not for eternal punishment, no ghost, unless he wants it, he remains on earth forever, sooner or later when they have learned their lesson and carried out the mission, they go beyond ... Billy had learned the first two lessons: to say to love another person besides himself; being able to learn to live normally and recognize their mistakes by trying to remedy them; being close to the people you love and ... letting go of the pain inflicted not on his own account but on other people. Billy hadn't even learned this last thing until Spencer said ...

SW: "I would never have gone without you..from anywhere paradisiacal and beautiful it could be..I missed you more than my life big brother..I now take you with me..in Heaven .. you won't be alone anymore .. we'll always be together and .. "

BJC: "will we still play like we used to?"

SW: "yes"

BJC: "and will we be inseparable as it used to be?"

SW: * laughs * "yes silly *

BJC: "and...and .."

SW: "yes, you can hug me as many times as you want, as long as you don't hold me too tight, * laughs *"

BJC: "aside * laughs with tears in the eyes *, will I be able to play my music? Will we also play like when we were little? Will I really be with you * crying *?" This time Spencer was crying

SW: "yes ... yes ... one hundred times yes and we will wait up there for the other people dear to us"

Having said these words, Billy got up and all the pain he had ... let him go, aware that they were right ... it wasn't his fault. Waking up, Billy stared at his mother, who came up to greet him, stroked him and said to him ...

SC: "you're ready .. let's go ... we'll see again" she kissed him on the warm forehead because now Billy was ready to go beyond ... but not alone ... he would never have gone alone in both cases in reverse... but with his brother. Spencer could finally appear, in addition to going into dreams, ahead of Billy and they both ran to hug hard. Billy and Spencer hugged their aunt / mother hard with the oath to see each other again when the time comes ... Billy and Spencer were enveloped in a warm light and lifted slightly into the air, slowly disappearing ... the two remained embraced by that light, laughing softly ...

SW: "Hey Billy you put me down * laughs *"

BJC: "no you forget it! * Laughs *" Billy had taken it and thrown it slightly like when they were little and started tickling his tummy and Spencer laughed .. he laughed so heartily that Billy laughed too and had no intention to stop ... they were happy..finally after so much pain suffered by the bullies, by crazy fans, by slimy principals..now they were finally together for eternity. They had kept the oath of a long time ago ... stay together forever in life and beyond. Spencer asked him if he wanted to bring things and see the rest of his family and friends and say hello to them before he left, Billy nodded. They took seeds from the flowers of the garden of their aunt / mother that were the most beautiful to plant them in Heaven, Billy's guitar and pendant, Spencer's photo album and video camera. They all greeted each other hugging them gently.

BJC: "Do you have any regrets?"

SW: 'just not having finished the film "

BJC: * laughs *

SW: "hey why are you laughing friend * rubs his head *?"

BJC "because your BFFE has finished the film"

SW: "whaaaaat !? How?"

BJC: "I directed, with the help of Shanila, the rest and .. violá!"

SW: "Billy you are the best! * He jumps on him hugging him and giving him the punch *"

BJC: "I know! * Bulb in the head *"

SW: "because you have that look..oh no ...no..do not allow yourself "

BJC: * tickles his belly *

SW: "no..pfft..hahahaha stop * laughs * as they ascended to Heaven, Billy started playing with Spencer as when they were little, tickling each other and a sort of" war "started. Spencer broke free and he began to do it himself, only he didn't stop easily ...

BJC: "ppfft..hahahaha Spencer! Stop! I suffer it! * bent in two and began to laugh like when Spencer made him laugh with that application that simulated the mouth of the zombie * "their laughs were so pure and so full of joy that children of they heard and said ..

Children: "Mom! Mom! The sky laughs!"

MB: "you know, it is said that when the sky laughs, it is because two pure souls who want an infinity of good, have gone up to Heaven "

B: "so this means that two souls are in Heaven?"

MB: "yes, but I think that for how the sky shines, they are two souls who have suffered in life and are now finally together .."

SC: "together again for eternity..so how was it supposed to be..you, after all, you swore it when you were little.two brothers, best friends, that even if distant relatives..you wanted an infinity of good .. sharing that good with everyone ... now only an eternity of joy and happiness awaits you ... my angels ". In Heaven, Spencer and Billy played with all the joy they had inside ... not ceasing to laugh, hug and fly together with each other, and with all the other angels, in the clouds ... in a place where no one would ever do them of the hurt, wounded or other ... where they would have waited for their family ... the two brothers had finally gone to Heaven together, remaining together again for eternity ... from then on,every time they played laughing, the sky released a shining powder on their loved ones, making them feel the same happiness they had given them and continue to give.

End...?

Extra :

BJC :" hey Spence' how end the story? "

SW : " ? "

BJC : " the story about the little angel and of the his little child friend..how end? "

SW : " tecnically never end..has a first ending for the main story part one "

BJC : " ook I don't know what mean , but for the moment?how end? I'm curious *puppy eyes *

SW : " never change BJC eh ?*giggle *"

BJC : " nope never *leans on Spencer's right shoulder with half-closed eyes ready to listen to the story* "

SW : " do you remember where we can stop? "

BJC : " at the sad part "

SW : " well..the story end that..." under their cherry tree in Heaven, which shook the flowering branches in the wind, Spencer told the end of the story he was telling Billy when they were on Earth, but in reality that story really has no end .. because even though they are now up there, the adventures and stories with them will not cease to exist and be created, starting from there too with them there will still be many adventures, who knows ... maybe even back on Earth ... no? everything is possible with two brothers-best friends like them...

The stories never end...

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storyofmyownlife · 5 years

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End of The Decade

I started this about 9 years ago for a very simple reason-I was hooked on the tv show called Akward. Jenna, the main protagonist of the show, likes to write blogs about her life as a way to cope and express how she feels. Awe inspired, I decided to create my own anonymous blog with the hopes that cathartic venting and documenting the past can help me navigate the present. For the last couple if years, l had been given many opportunities to taste the bittersweet feelings of life. Truth to be told, I have never thought I would be here writing this blog to end the decade. The earlier entries can attest to this. Ten years a go my life was in shambles. I had a broken family, broken English, and the broken will to live.

My father, two siblings and I arrived in Canada on April of 2009 to finally live with my mom. With little regards of the past, I cherished the brand new start to live a life without prejudice. I felt very little emotion when I left the Philippines because I knew deep down I could finally escape the invalidation of others of how I suppose to love. Of course, then, I was naive to think that I wouldn't felt that way ever again- I was completely wrong. It did not take long before everything start to turn sour. Us siblings did not get a long. We did not group together and we did not know how to live with one another. My mom and dad started to fight a lot. Almost every night. My dad started drinking a lot for many reasons that I know now and understood, but not completely forgiven. He misses his old life back in his home country- the life of the party and his other family. My mom push him to work and help with bills. Just like my sister and my brother and I, My mom and dad did live apart for many years. The feeling of living with my whole family was foreign to me. A month after arrival, the incident happened. The police came and for many months the social worker came and visit us. The resentment between us siblings began to build up. For many months, my brother and I blamed my sister for telling the truth. Knowing what I knew now she did the right thing. Nevertheless, my brother and I alienated her.

I also had broken English. I did not make a lot of friends in Grade 8. I was that loner kid who would spend every day during lunch alone and would walk on the school ground by himself. My sister and my brother got their own friends. I wanted to make my own but couldnt. On the bright side, my brother became friends with the guy name Denver. He is one of the only few people in our lives who never left for the past decade. He is still with us.

I started high school. I made more friends who are Filipino. We all kind of form this group. Denver is also part of it. Within that inner group, we had more inner clique called cajibo. I'm not going to disclose who they are because I no longer associate myself with them and it does not matter. There were also four girls who called themselves kimfejeny and they became part of the inner group. Regardless of what happened in the end, they taught me a lot of things about life. For the first time, they made me feel what is like to find a family in a group of random strangers. I must admit they helped us work throughout with some of the traumas. We had crazy dreams together, we spent so many adventures together, and they taught me the life is not as simple as black and white. It all ended because I cared too much and told the truth when it was not my place to do so. Inspite of if all, there were some silver linings to it.

I worked hard to improve my english and move in advance english. My ESL teacher helped me a lot. I improved my academic performance in no time. I also began to developed new relationships. My brother and I became more close to Daniel, Alen, Kith, and Alden. I also began to listen to Taylor Swift's music. She did help me cope with unreciprocated love, broken hearts, and the unpredictability of life. I swear I had crush on couple of people at my high school. I'm just gonna name them here for memories sake- adam, alden, aiah, and andrew.

As time went by, I started thinking about my future. After taking few courses, I knew that I have a passion for literature and history. During my junior and senior years, I took classes in philosophy, history, and law. I was no good in math. Science was okay. I actually got the biology award college level and made it to the honor roll in grade 11 and 12.

In my senior year, this girl name Chelsea asked me out to go to the prom with her. I tagged a long with her friends. They were also friends kimfejeny and some members of cajibo. It was an okay time. I didnt really have an ecstatic time. Suffice to say, I got to go so it was a check for one of my bucket list. Since I'm on the subject, I also went to Red tour concert instead of going to my own school prom. Ed Sheeran performed with Taylor swift! They were both great. Another item checked off!

On my last year, I was also determined to move out. My mom was very supportive of it. We started to look for school. I got in to all of the ones that I applied to. I was torn between u of t and Mac. To be honest, I would not have considered or let alone knew about mcmaster if it wasn't for Andrew. I visited both schools. I thought that u of t provide more classes and opportunities for what I wanted to do. But, I wanted to have an experience like those in movies. Also, deep down I wanted to run away in hope that I could find myself and be. I decided to go to mac

My brother and I graduated. I said goodbye to my favorite high school teach who gave my brother and I a gift. But she did not need to because she has already given me so much and more. The summer was filled with excitement and anticipation. I held a get together before I leave for college. I said goodbye to my friends and left a note for my brother to read. There were crying involve because I felt that I did not deserve them at all. They were so good to me and I was not in return. That summer was bittersweet.

I started my university experience. I would not go in a lot of details because I pretty much documented my first year here well enough. Grace, Shane, nicole and devone made a difference in life, especially Grace. She saved me from myself.

In second year, it was interesting because it started off as bad. I was seeing this guy and wanted to be with him but couldnt. I also was very insecure about myself and my sexuality. Everyone went on dates, make out with someone at the party, etc. I risked my life a couple of times in pursuit of getting the same experience. With the help of my friend and after going to group support, I got through it all. I started joining clubs: board games society, humanities,etc.

Devon came back. Turns out he is bi. I've always liked and wanted him. I had wanted his approval but It was an impossible task. He was drunk and toxic. He liked one of my roommate to who kind of like him too, but did know it was right. She was also the only person who knew about my feelings towards him. Suffice to say my relationship with Devon was severed after the end of that year. Shane was also a drunk and feel like he would not approve of my sexuality so I cut my relationship with him slowly.

I also started dating someone name T. It was an okay relationship. He was a really good guy but I don't think we were meant for each other. I loved how he held me, but I knew I was not the one for him. I was not a good boyfriend to him. I think I tried to look for things in him that I want from my partner. Older, and hopefully wiser, know now that it was wrong. I ended it.

I had great times with my friends and old roommates. Spontaneous drives, adventures, and they gave me opportunities to experience things I never experienced before. Like going to demetris, hiking to trails and falls, random trips to McDonalds etc. Alicia also became my support on my last year at mac. I also became hers as well.

When graduated, I did not find a job immediately and was kind of down. I started to work out to motivate myself. I lost about 75 pound in a couple of months. With the help of family friends, I got hired at a law firm. I learned a lot of things from there. What it's like to practice law, experience to use office equipments, how to network, etc. The perks were great. But the coworkers and the work are not as great. Couple of coworkers come and go. 2 years and a half I still work with them. I also met Ashley, Selena, clarice, bryce, mike. Fun fact: Ashley's wedding was the first wedding that I attended that was not affiliated with my family.

A year ago, I woke up one day and decided to apply to post grad HR program. I was supposed to apply right after I graduated university but I knew I needed to take some time off. But, that day, I was determined to start a new. I got in to the program but was not able to start until last january. The program taught me so much about myself and others. I worked like I've never work in my life. In the end, I got 3.64 GPA. I've made friends and enemies.

My friends from high school that I mentioned before are still with me to this very day. We've gone through so many late night adventures together! I finished my internship last week and I now work as a full time employee at COC. I've traveled couple of times outside Canada for the past 2 years.My family and I recently went to punta Cana. I'm hoping to go to either Mexico or California next year!. I know in my last post I may have mentioned my struggle with the changing times. I know everyone in my life is starting to build their own life without me and that's okay. It is part of growing up. I'm also having short term memory lost lately but hopefully I get better. I'm hoping that my friendship with mike and Bryce would last longer. I wish my family the best in this new decade.

They say, life gets tougher as you grow older. My hope is I became tougher and more resilient still. I will ride the every changing tides of time while always looking up to the daylight.

I'll tell you the truth but never goodbye.

December 31st, 2019

Ps: pic 1 shows the books that I accumulated and read over the years. Pic 2 my favorite things the I received and owned this year.

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definealetheia · 5 years

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Note to self when I feel like I'm going insane (unfinished)

STOP OVERTHINKING!

Sit back, relax, and take deep breaths.

Listen to chakra tune up meditation music. Unblock your chakras and let the energy flow through your body.

Don't intentionally block your heart chakra. Stop suppressing your feelings, whether it is good or bad. You have to deal with them and heal your wounds. The more you suppress your feelings, the longer your agony will get.

Do you still have doubts about the connection?

Remember that you have already let go of the label Twin Flame. The question whether he is your Divine Masculine or not is not important anymore. The Universe may or may not give you the answer after all. BUT you can honor what you feel is true. You love him. This is your truth. You don't need the Universe to tell you that.

It is okay to doubt the connection sometimes. It is normal to experience doubts and fears in this journey. It is scary and full of uncertainties.

I don't get why other twins refer to someone they meet as "catalyst" who will activate your awakening and you believed as your twin but ended up as otherwise. Same logic goes for false twin. I don't get it. I don't think there is a false twin or a catalyst. That person is either your twin or not. Why would you need a catalyst to activate you? Your twin can do that himself. It doesn't make sense to me. People who started their spiritual journey even before they met their twin were awakened due to several possible reasons. May be because of traumatic experiences or they come from a spiritual background. As for those who were not awakened until they met their twin, I don't understand why the person who activated them ends up only as a catalyst. What for? You will only recognize that person as a catalyst once you meet your true twin. And then it would be like you're restarting your twin flame journey with your true twin! Wth.

Remember the reasons and synchonicities that lead you to believe he is your twin.

He activated my spiritual awakening.

It was August 29, 2018. I met my twin online right after I graduated from grad school. I finished another milestone in my life. I finished a job contact and ready to start a new life. I was optimistic about the future. I've been single for years and thought it would be nice a start a new one. But I didn't want to start a relationship just for the heck of it. I wanted to find the one. I've been saying this to the Universe for a quite some time. I might have manifested it when I met your twin without knowing it.

I've been suffering from MDD and GAD for years. I was in medication and went in and out of hospitals after every suicide attempt. For a long time I was suffering from an existential crisis. I did not know who I am or why I am alive. I did not have dreams of my own and was just living to fulfill the expectations of my family and society. I did not have any goals nor did I have reasons or motivations to pursue anything except meeting others' expectations of me. I needed to finish school and establish a good career, help my parents, and then have my own family. As good as those things were, I did not have the right motivation to do that.

I have always felt I don't belong anywhere. I was bullied in school and even at work. It made my depression even worse. Everywhere I go, terrible things always end up happening. I always felt uncomfortable, unsafe, and being wronged by people. I felt unlucky and miserable all the time. Everytime I try to turn my life around and gain a little hope, terrible things happen and that little hope I had get taken away from me.

I was never religious nor spiritual. Having a master's degree in Philosophy, I have an extensive experience on critical thinking and being skeptical. I don't label myself as agnostic. In fact, when it comes to my spirituality, I refrained from associating myself from any religious group or any spiritual belief. However, during one Philosophy class where we talked about religion where some of my classmates studied in Catholic seminaries, I remember sharing that I don't believe in (Christian conception) God but I do believe that there is someone or something, maybe it be metaphysical, divine, or a force that governs everything in the Universe.

I have always had the affinity to look at the sunset and the night sky. I has been part of my routine. My childhood dream was to became an astronaut or astronomer. But life happened. Part of my routine was talking to the Universe while watching the night sky. Whenever I feel suicidal I always tell them that I don't belong down here. I want to be among the stars. That's where I feel I belong, not here. I talk to the stars as often as I can. They saw me cry and all. They let me know they are listening by showing me shooting stars. I even saw asteroid Juno and other comets during one of my nightly routine. It always feels magical when they show me how beautiful the Universe is.

Recognizing the soul connection

I have been interested in Japanese culture and martial arts. I've been practicing a japanese sword martial arts since January 2017. Since I wanted to learn the language, I installed a language exchange application on my phone and that's where I met him. To be honest, I was open to the thought of possibly meeting someone online but I did not realize that I would actually meet someone like him. I met men who were more interested in flirting with me than learning another language. That's very common online. But I was not interested in them but when I met my twin, I did not know that from then on, my life will turn bat shit crazy. I was just following ramdom people on the app but I also made sure they did not look sketchy or suspicious. He followed me back. He suddenly commented on a picture I posted of me and my cat and then he sent me a private message. My first impression of him is he was very flirty and straithforward with giving compliments, unlike most Japanese I talked to who were polite and unsure of themselves. When I looked at his picture, I immediately felt something different about him especially when I looked at his eyes. But I couldn't put my finger on it. I never felt anything like it before. I felt like I knew him. There was a sense of familiarity and comfortabilitily. We started talking on Line, sent audio messages, and even talked on video call for hours. He send messages when he wakes up, goes to work, while working, coming home, and before sleeping. It like was a honeymoon phase of a relationship. I told myself it was too good to be true.

I needed to know more about him so I asked him if he was single. He wasn't. I felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown at me. He was still flirty and acting like there's more to us than acquaintances. But because of that reality check, I kept asking myself where I stand. Sometimes he treats me like a girlfriend all then all of a sudden he acts like a stranger. When the conversation gets hot and he becomes more flirty than normal that's where I remind him that he has a gf and I don't want to be in a third party. He told me they haven't talked for a while and he felt lost. I felt worse. I felt like he was just bored and wants to use me to fill in the void. Since I knew I was falling inlove, I made it clear to him that if he wants to continue talking to me like we are in a relationship, then I want to be only one. There should be no other woman. He couldn't give me an answer. He always dodged the question to the point that I get frustrated and just drop it. Add the language barrier to the mix. During one of our arguments, I kept asking him how he really felt about me and his answer was that he wanted to meet. I did not expect that answer. Even if I agreed to that, I reminded him that he has gf and he just told me they hadn't talked.

When he came back to Japan from one of work trips, that's when things went downhill. He used to give me updates on where he was or what he doings but that time I did tell me he already came back. His messages became short. Sometimes just one word. It's obvious he didn't want to be bothered or he just didn't want to talk to me. There were even sarcastic messages. It was my cue to leave him be.

We stared with talking to each other all day everyday until it became more and more seldom. There were days when he wouldn't talk. Then a sudden message after days of silence. I did not chase him or beg him to talk to me. But I once told him how I sad was that he changed. I was crying a lot. My heart got broken so many times. October 2018 came and after over a month of the honeymoon phase, he finally ghosted me.

Kundalini awakening and rising

I became more and more depressed and desperate for answers. I kept asking the Universe: Why did this happen? What was the point? I closed myself off for years and stopped dating after experiencing traumatic relationships. Right when I finally decided to take a risk, open my heart, and love again, this happened to me? I did not understand the point of it all. Letting another person in and then he just breaks my heart? This was the last chance I gave myself to love and this shit happened. Before I met him, I told myself that if I ever meet someone and fall in love, it will be the last time. I want to me the one. I am tired of being hurt so many times.

I was so confused. I was hurt, angry, and frustrated. Wanting to find the answers, I started watching tarot readings on Youtube. I never believed in Astrology. I was too skeptical for that. But I watched hundreds of readings out of desperation to find the answers. I got mixed result on the readings. There were times that the readings resonated so much that my mind was blown so many times. But there were others that just made me more confused and paranoid. The best takeaway from those readings is that divine timing is at work. I have to trust in the Universe and give them space to work things out. I can't force things to happen. The only thing I can do is set healthy boundaries and don't let anyone treat me like a doormat.

I spent the next few weeks just watching readings, crying at night, and trying to cope with the pain. The readings said that there will be communication and it did happen. By the time happened, I literally said "this shit is real." I was surprised that he messaged me and asked how I was. But after the inital shock, I was overcome by anger and hurt. He wanted communication just when I was starting to gain balance and not think of him that much. I was torn between telling him off and just accept that he is back. I replied 2-3 days later telling him I'm doing good.

The communication started again but I was seldom. He called me on 11/11 but I couldn't answer. He just randomly sends a message after a few days of silence and or calls all of a sudden and then disappear again. So flakey! I got fed up and set my foot down. I asked him why he wants call or talk to me. He said he always wanted to call and enjoys being with me. I called out his BS. I reminded him that he stopped talking to me. He can't just come in and out of life as he pleases. He should stop playing mind games with me. He just said to me "Oh don't say that 😭." I told him I deserve an explanation and tell me why he disappeared. He said he did not disappear. I told him it hurts me that he's not being honest with me. He said he was being honest. See the pattern here? I asked him again what happened and he just answered "I don't remember." That was it. I told him I'm a very patient person (I'm a fucking Taurus okay) but he pushed me too far. I won't ask anymore. It's obvious he didn't wanna answer. I'm done.

I was livid. I'm done dealing with a player and emotionally unvailable jackass. That's the start of our separation. It was 11/12.

I spent the rest of November dealing with rollercoaster of emotions. One moment I'm angry, and them I'm in pain, and then lonely ect. It was a torture. There were times when I went into relapse. I thought I have officially gone insane. I just wanted to die.

The first time I came across the term twin flame was through watching tarot readings. I never heard of the time before even when I met my twin. I wasn't interested in learning more about it at first. All I know was that it was different from soulmates and it was rare. I have never thought of myself as special (just different) so I did not think I needed to know about it. But curiosity got the better of me and finally decided to do some research. Lo and behold, I resonated with most of the signs that were listed. The things that happened to me made more sense now. But that was not enough to convince me.

More and more meditation music started appearing on my youtube suggestions. It was December when I finally decided to try a guided meditation. It's my first entry. I felt the urge to do it more and more often until I came across a meditation to awaken my spirit. Before this entire journey I would never think of trying it but since I have been activated, might as well continue on improving myself. I played the music when looking at the sunset. When I came to opening the third eye, I started seeing particles in mid air. They look specks of light or little transparent bubbles floating around. As weeks went by I seem them clearer. I don't even have to concentrate or be in meditative state to see them. I see another invisible layer in my environment as well. I see rain or drizzle even if it's not really raining. I also see "rain" and particles even indoors now. As long as there is light. I tune up my chakra almost everyday. I don't feel right when I don't meditate in a few days.

10/13/2019 ~ 2:41 PM (this has been saved in my Drafts since Jan/Feb -- I'm not sure anymore)

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moonlight-moogle · 6 years

Text

BTS as Daddies

warnings: dd/lg, slight sexual themes.

Kim Namjoon/RM

ok first thing first

WE ALL KNOW THIS BOI HAS A DADDY KINK

like excUSE ME

king daddy™

anygay

I think Namjoon would be a semi-strict daddy

have a list of rules you have to follow

and lord knows if you break them you’re gonna get punished

Namjoon values trust and would feel as a daddy it's his job to punish you, if he didn’t, he’d feel like he had broken your trust a little

he has great self-control

the minute you use your safe word, he’s already getting you cleaned up and the bath’s already running and he is ready for snuggles

cuz don’t get me wrong

Namjoon isn’t all rules

he would be the biggest cuddle bug.

loves to have you sit on his lap

plays with your hair all the time

kisses your temple a lot cuz he’s tol

low key high key whipped for you

constantly checking up on you to see if you’re okay, even if its just a hand on your shoulder

he’s so patient with you

never raises his voice

prolly calls you ‘little one’

reads you bedtime stories

I'm sorry I'm just

uwu

in conclusion

Namjoon is a very good daddy. you are in safe hands, little one

Kim Seokjin/Jin

Kim Seokjin

where do I start with this boi

I picture him as a very soft daddy

kinda protective

like if anyone ever were to judge you for being a little and living the life you lead...

boi he’d be ready to throw hands

not really

Jin takes shit from no-one and would know when to cut people out

he’s a shady bitch

if someone judged his little girl/boy for being their cute innocent self, it’s their loss for not seeing how wonderful they are

thinks the world is too cruel for your little heart

is afraid people will judge you so prefers if you keep little space in the home

knows from looking at you when you’re in little space

calls you something cute like ‘little puff’

showers you with kisses

constantly taking pictures of you

lives for his time with you

you want daddy to dress as a prince?

done

you want to play tea party?

daddy will bake cupcakes

hates to see you cry

literally swOOPS you up in his arms if you ever hurt yourself and cry

tuts at you and calls you silly when you have a tantrum

less strict than Namjoon

only a few basic rules

“no swearing” and stuff

less enthusiastic about punishments

most you’ll get in terms of physical punishment is spanking

and that’s if you’ve been really bad

Jin opts more for timeouts and no TV time

occasionally will opt for orgasm denial if he’s feeling particularly satanic

best in the game at aftercare.

has set treats, candles, bubble bath, blankets, stuffies, pacifiers - ANYTHING his baby needs

I'm realizing only two members in that this is gonna make so soft uwu

Min Yoongi/Suga

this boi is my bias so um

strap in

I think Yoongi would be more like Namjoon in terms of how daddy he is

he’s highkey whipped for you

doesn’t show it in public

prefers to spoil you with the gummy smiles in private

definition of patient

you could be having the mother of all bitchfits, screaming bloody murder and this boy would sit there and watch until you’ve tired yourself out

just sighs “are you done, kitten?” and wipes the tears from your face

yes he calls you kitten

he always makes time for you, no matter how tired he is

lives for naps with you

loves it when you curl yourself into him

buries his face into your hair because he loves your smell

rests his hand on your neck

he doesn’t mind bringing you outside when you’re little as long as your hand stays locked in his

kisses your forehead cuz it makes him feel taller

he’s more laidback than Namjoon in term of rules but will go all the way with punishment if he needs to

owns a remote control vibrator

boy don't play around

will buy you the cutest onesies and pacifiers

lives for that cute smile on your face when he puts it on you

I'm just imagining him smiling with his whole mouth at you

then kneeling down and taking the pacifier out of your mouth to kiss you

U W U

watches Disney movies with you

loves it when you straddle his lap and lay across his chest so he can wrap his arms around you

you’re literally the only person he’ll allow in his studio with him.

the walls and desks are littered with little drawings that you do for him while you’re with him

speaks more with actions than words

little fleeting touches to check your okay

such a sweetheart during aftercare

has you sit between his legs and massages your arms

hums to you softly and plays with your hair

makes you feel like you re the only thing in the world that has ever mattered to him

cuz sometimes he believes that

Jung Hoseok/J-Hope

OK SO

I think everyone knows that Hobi is quite literally a ball of sunshine

this reflects a lot into his daddy-ness

his little will never

repeat

NEVER

be bored

almost Yoongi level sugar daddy

actually, screw that he’s probably more of a sugar daddy

you literally have any toy you want

half your wardrobe is all supreme and bucket hats cuz he likes it when his baby dresses like their daddy

dances with you all the time

this boy has so much energy oh my god

he’d love to bring you to the park and push you on the swings

shows you off to everyone

especially bangtan

fairly laid back

doesn’t like having a lot of rules cuz he just wants you to live

can be stern if he needs to be tho

punishments are probably limited like Jin’s

timeouts are as painful for him as they are for you cuz he just wants to hug you

this boy would very sadistic in the bedroom

did I hear

edging??

perhaps some orgasm denial?

overstimulation

high key satan

really hates to raise his voice at you

has had a few slip ups here and there when you’ve been particularly difficult

rights his wrongs almost immediately

definitely is not above saying sorry just cause of the power a daddy has

daddy/little relationships are all about trust, communication, and understanding that everyone is equal

Hobi would value these immensely

Hobi seems like the type of person that if you were to bring up littles to him, he might think it was weird at first

but then he’d see how happy it would make you

and he’d be whipped

I picture Yoongi and Namjoon as naturals at being a daddy

I feel Jin and Hobi would have to learn

the fact that you put that much trust in them would melt their heart

Hobi would strive to be the best daddy you could ever ask for

you best believe this boy would braid your hair.

kiss your cheek and giggle into your skin like a lovesick fool

calls you his little angel or ‘cherub’

the type to make you chocolate chip pancakes for aftercare

Hobi would never really have considered being a daddy until he met you

and lord is he thankful he did

you are quite literally the moon, sun, and stars to that boy

frick im soft

Park Jimin

this boy is my ultimate bias wrecker so

strap

the fuck

THIS BOI

THE SOFTEST BOI

whipped™

buys you pretty clothes and takes Polaroid pictures of you to keep in his wallet

you’re his phone background and his desktop background

gives!you!so!much!praise!

calls you his doll

literally just doesn’t say your name

just calls you by complimenting you

“gorgeous, come over here.”

“how are you, pretty?”

is so soft for you

kisses your nose and pinches your cheeks

thinks you’re so cute he could eat you like a muffin

playfully nibbles on your skin to hear you giggle

sits with you and lets you braid his hair

loves!to!see!you!in!stockings!

spins you around when you dance to hear you scream laugh

you literally make him cry from laughter

he has rules for you but not as much as Joon.

has been known to get quite frustrated with you if you have tantrums

Jimin has quite the temper on him and does slip up and yell when he’s stressed sometimes

almost immediately regrets it and feels so bad

god forbid if he makes you cry

literally would never let go of you

c u d d l e s

punishments are like a mix between Hobi and Jin’s

he’ll have no problem putting you in time out if you’re being a little shit

he will use punishments like orgasm denial and edging but he wouldn’t be as satanic as Hobi and Yoongi to use overstimulation

the softest thing in aftercare

cleans you up, puts on your favorite movie and cuddles you in bed

gives you stuffies and a pacifier and kisses your forehead

watches you fall asleep to make sure that you’re okay

will check up on you for days afterward

I literally had to stop like three times writing this part cuz of all my uwus

Kim Taehyung/V

my fuckin boi

Kim Taehyung

is a literal puppy

so playful

you are literally this boys entire world

brings you outside to take aesthetic candid shots of you he later posts on Instagram

a lot of them are pictures of you with Yeontan

or in pink frilly outfits, he bought for you

calls you his precious little babygirl/boy

puts flowers in your hair

loves when you wear his clothes

literally will purposefully give them to you to wear around the house

brings you for drives - usually to go get ice cream

sings to you ALL THE TIME

does that cute thing where he laughs and claps his hands when you sing with him

gets really into it so he’s dancing around the kitchen, belting out Disney bops with a whisk in his hand

your lips are his favorite thing

but has a kink for kissing your hands

just loves to have your hand in his

Tae is literally the most understanding, caring person so if he ever felt the need to punish you for breaking rules he’d have like a proper talk with you about it

“why didn’t you listen to daddy, precious?”

would always be worried that he had done something wrong

it’s his life goal to make you happy

would never raise his voice but he does get frustrated if you’re misbehaving and he doesn't know what to do

Tae!would!be!so!into!begging!

literally, if he was ever punishing you he would make you beg and scream for so long before he let you cum.

might not even let you cum if he’s feeling particularly sadistic

if it’s too much for you, he’s so soft with aftercare

makes you hot chocolate, lays you across his chest and sings you to sleep

will remind you of how much he truly adores you and how good you are

he sings your praises to the rooftops

plays with your hair and rubs your hips

wakes you up in the morning to cuddles and TV

aftercare is one of his favorite things

he’s honestly so content being a daddy

you are literally the most precious thing in the worl to him

once again

U W U

Jeon Jungkook

this boi ruins me holy hell

I feel like at first, Kookie would be slightly out of his comfort zone knowing that he has to care for someone

yano

cuz he da maknae

everyone babies him

but after a while, I think he’d really enjoy the change

you’re his princess/prince

and you rule his house

you are spoiled, let me tell you

we all know that this boy strong

he would carry you everywhere in the house

he’s gotten used to the constant cries of “daddy, up!” when he’s in a room

loves to cook for you

has you sit on the counter with him while he makes dinner

you’re his little assistant chef

sneaks little nose kisses between giggles

loves to kiss your shoulders and your neck

sits with you at the table and colors

always puts yours on the fridge

bounces you on his lap all the time

gave you a bunny plushie to remind you of him

needless to say, it's your favorite

gets frustrated quite easily if you’re being difficult

timeouts are his punishment of choice

usually leaves you there for five minutes

always comes over and kneels down to you

makes sure you say that you’re sorry and then scoops you up in his arms for cuddles

isn’t fond of orgasm denial

prefers overstimulation

this boi top of his game on this

carries you to the bath for aftercare

is so kind and gentle when he takes care of you

dresses you in the softest PJ’s

literally carries you around and bounces you gently in his arms

gets you a bottle and lays in bed with you

loves your butt

taps it gently to help you sleep

sings to you

you are literally his favorite thing

in the world

I AM

SO SOFT

AHH

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revolveroshawott2 · 3 years

Text

Split Necklace Update 1

Hello! It’s been a while since I posted on this site or Gamejolt where this game is going to be posted. To inform my small Twitter audience, I am making a game called Split Necklace. It's a horror game that’s inspired by SAW. Though it’s ironic that SAW inspired this game, because ever since I was a kid I’ve been afraid of that damn puppet. Nightmares can be a really good source of inspiration. In short, the game follows Izumi, Ken an American living in Japan while a string of murders started. He finds out that his girlfriend, Fujimoto, Kagami is the one behind. However, that's not really because she has another soul within her that's doing the killing. So if the game sounds interesting the GameJolt page will be linked.

Now at this point in time, I have the over-arcing story mapped out, and the prologue has been written. Things have been going slowly, but thanks to work and my ADHD it's been a tad bit hard to really work on this. It's the reason why I haven't uploaded a lot on YouTube with my most recent video being about Pokémon Gen 9, with videos on both Devil May Cry V and Pokémon Legends Arceus scripted ready to be voiced. I have been streaming to twitch, but it's been more lad back streams with me going through Splatoon 2. Though to focus on this game, as I said the prolouge is done, but I have started figuring out the 1st level of the game. This area is called the Jester's Court, thanks to Legends of the Hidden Temple getting that reboot I decided to base the level on that room. Instead of pressing one's self against the correct wallpainting, you're putting bodies back together. The gif below is current form of The Jesters Court, and as you can see I have the premade assets as a stand in.

I'm probably will commission someone to make unique assets for the map. Though I just need to fully map out these areas before I even think about making these assets for myself or getting them commissioned. At this point I still haven't figured out the general level design, but my main priority is getting getting from Ken hearing about the murders, finding out that Kagami is doing them, and the whole play a game thing. Working on the story is my main priority, along with the character design. I'm not the best at art, at this point I can only do heads from the front and side, but I do want to wait to show off the characters until I get feed back from a friend of mine and make their references. Well I mean Kagami, and how she looks when the Main Antagonist takes over is shown on the GameJolt page, but not full renders.

I do have their heads done, but I have yet to figure what the characters will wear. Hopefully I won't make this game to long, my biggest concern is length. I don't want this game to be to long since I'm trying to make this into a stealth puzzle game. In the same vein as something like Metal Gear Ghost Babel, minus the overly long cutscenes and action sequences. Ken will not be arming up, aside from distractions and the like, but a gun or anything of the like will be a no. He's a English teacher after all, not a fighter, so he's going to have fun putting these bodies back together in the Jester's Court. I don't want this to be to gory, while I am afraid of SAW I know how gory it can get. I think one of my friends told me a part where Jigsaw's victums had to get a key from a bucket of acid or else a device implated in them will rip out their lungs. Don't get me wrong their will be gore, but hopefully with things being tone down a bit when a really gory bit comes up will be more shocking. Hopefully I don't do anything to close to the movie series, thanks to my friends I know some of the stuff that happened so hopefully I don't do anything to close.

From here on out I will try to give regular updates on the progress of the game, and if there will be a playable build of a section of the game. Thank you for reading, and hopefully this will be something worth playing!

#games #video games #gaming #game #video game #game development #game design

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lexpistachio · 7 years

Note

Bitty asking "Why can't we" has got to be the straightest thing I have ever read. Well I'm done, I'm just going to assume this is all a dream sequence and leave. Let me know if Kent shows up and if he's given some actual depth till then I wish you all well.

You know what no Bitty crying on the floor and saying “It’s just going to be so hard keeping all that to myself, and I just don’t know how long” is the straightest thing I have ever read. The whole update is just like the straightest thing like good lord I don’t know where to begin, like wow this is straight author 101 gay people in the closet are miserable you should pity them. Just throw me on the ice I am soo salty.

Sciiiience fiction. Dooouble feature ahahaha

~closeted tears while on the floor~ I’m still sitting here laughing. I was zero levels of surprised, and I think I’ve ran out of fucks to give anyway.

“But doesn’t any gay person aspire to be out, anyway?” replied some person on a post I made about this several months ago, which, frankly, speaks to how predictable the trajectory of this comic is). The oversimplification of it all astounded me. Because no, actually, I don’t want the whole world knowing what’s basically my business, I don’t owe the world anything. What the question is really asking is, do you want to be out and thriving or closeted and miserable? That’s the false dichotomy engendered by the comics itself, that to be out = to be happy, and to be in the closet = to be repressed/miserable. It’s so wrong on so many levels, but to say the least, this kind of thinking ignores how our environment have very real consequences for many of us, and coming out is not a black-and-white choice for any given circumstance.

For one, I don’t want to see the world magicked away and pretend that the possible hate and shaming that i will get when i declare my sexuality don’t exist, I want to see people around me learning to be accepting and letting go of their prejudices, and then maybe i’ll choose to come out. It’s a process–not only for the people around you but for letting go of the fears and shame you’ve held close to your chest since forever (Bitty used to reflect that well? lol not anymore). But also I want the love and acceptance of my family and peers, but not at the expense of them being replaced by pod persons lol, if that makes sense? It’s super unsatisfying to see this supposedly Big Coming Out hoopla when everyone in this universe seems to have inhaled gas fumes and acting out of bounds of reality anyway, consequence-free and mindlessly cloying.

But that’s me, But as a friend pointed out, they’ve never met a gay person who thinks of being out the way Bitty does. It’s like having big shiny thing to achieve, something to be crossed off a bucket list or something for their relationship to be Truly Happy. Never mind that this something that he should have considered in the first place before entering into a relationship with a pro athlete? As the culture among hockey players is to blend with the team and to avoid drawing attention to one’s self, as good ol’ Canadian boys are told to do from a young age?

Anyway, fans of this comics buy suspension of disbelief in fudging bulk and wholesale lol. It’s (maybe) a good thing I have extremely low expectations of this comic treating any subject matter decently, but I can’t blame you for going tbh.

The only ~closeted tears~ i’ll be crying is over the potential this comic had but lost lmao

#omgcp #omcp_critical #jack zimmermann #jack bittle #zimbits #Anonymous #rocky horror reference for virgins

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your-heydaydreamer-blog · 4 years

Text

Last sunday I listen to the word of God and here's what is says:

This made me remember my downfall 4 years ago

Way back 2016 I was eagerly praying for my one great goal: to pass my Board Exam.

Before praying for my board exam I was praying to God to help me graduate. As i said I have my fair share of life dilemmas. I'm not born rich, I sent my self to college thru scholarship. One failed subject and you have to kiss your bachelors degree goodbye. So i study hard pray hard and party harder whenever I ace a semester. And my prayer works. I graduated on time with no failed subject. That gave me a sense of confidence that I will ace that Board Exam just as how i did with my Bachelors Degree.

So i focused on my review and saved money to send myself into what they call a prestigous review school. I spent 6 sleepless months studying each and every topic. My plans are clear in my mind. I will pass this board exam then work into one of the top firms in the industry earn money buy my family a house give myself a car and establish a business. In short after this exam i will make myself a strong independent and successfull lady.

That was my plan. Unfortunately that wasn't God's. I flunked the exam. You read it right ladies and gentlemen. When the results are out I saw my friends names on the list. But my name is nowhere to be found. I was shocked. I can't believe it. This can't be happening i told myself. I tried to refresh the page several times hoping that maybe they are still updating the list of passers. But no. The list arr finalized. I didn't pass the board exam. Now let me show you the stages that people like me has to go through in times like this:

1. Denial:

You try to calm yourself thinking there might be a mistake. Telling yourself that this ain't reality and that this too shall pass

2. Grief:

You finally realize that you're a fucking loser so you cry your self to sleep and cry again the moment you wake up. It's a cycle. A never ending cycle until you finally save yourself from the pit of your grief

3. Self Pity

You distance yourself from your winning friends. You start to question your ability. What have you missed? What is it with them that is not in you that you failed? You start telling yourself that this is it. You can never go farther than this. This is all you got.

4. Acceptance.

Finally after all the "this can't be happening" thing, all the nights spent mourning for the shattered dreams and all the self blame you get to the point where you just have to accept that shit happens. You have to move on and continue to live.

For 4 years after that life changing failure i was lost. I am barely living. I am just existing and breathing and consuming oxygen that could have been consumed by a human being living their life with a purpose. Im living a life with no direction and destination.

After that unanswered prayer i ran away from God. I questioned Him. Why did he let me fail? Did he got tired of me? With just one unanswered prayer i forgot all those unprayed answer. I think that my old self feel so entitled that when her prayer got rejected he shows off an attitude as if the Lord owes Him an answered prayer.

Don't get me wrong. I tried several times to ran back. Ran back to Him. But I'm confused i keep on asking. I know He has better plans for me but what's that better plan? What kind of plan is that that it took so long for me to see. My friends are successful in their endeavors. They have awesome jobs with great salary package and benefits. They got promoted. They were able to buy a house some them already have cars and some got married. And me? Im here rotting. This makes me question Him again. What is it that your making me wait? Have you forgotten about me since im a loser? A failure? Somethimes i would ask, what is it that your trying to show me and teach me through this waiting game? Im getting tired. The Lord knows about that. I never told anyone my frustrations but whenever a friend posted their achievements online i tend to ask myself what happens to me? I used to do good in college. What happen? Am i a total loser now? Due to frustration i deactivated my social media accounts and shuts the world behind me.

This goes on and on. I change from one employer to another. Changing work as if im changing clothes. Until I finally landed a job into this international company. I dont really care if i got hired or what. I dont really care anymore about anything this past few years. As long as im earning im good with it.

And another storm came into me when i lose my father year 2019. And this really paralyzed me. But life goes on. So am i. The only reason i work hard is to support my fathers meds. Since i cannot live up my promise to pass the board exam, suppprting his maintenace meds is the least thing that i can do. But after he's death whats there to live for? I can stop working and let myself die out of hunger since its only me then. I lose the only reason and the only purpose i was living. Whatever that is left of me after that heartbreaking failure was buried with my father in his grave.

I was doomed. But i can't end my life. I just can't. My father will be surprised if we see each other in the afterlife that soon. I wake up in the morning, prep myself, stuff myself againts the morning rush, bury myself to work, punch out, brave the traffic, reach for my bed, close my eyes sleep and repeat that cycle all over.

Until i stumble accross this preach in the middle of a pandemic:

Year 2020 i was not hoping for anything for this year. Good or bad i will face it. I have to face it since i have no other choice. But here's a plot twist. This is the year i ticked one of my goals in life: life insurance for my mother. Its no big deal for everyone. But im not the type of person who would jump into investment quickly especially with life insurance with 10 years of paying commitment. After life insurance i found myself signing an agreement purchasing a house. Not a big house but a house whose equity fit my budget. Then goes stock market. Part of my salary goes to stock market. All of this happening in 2020. And when i look back i finally realize so this is it?

Is this why God kept me waiting? So all those years that im complaining God was planning something Big for me. Maybe God was telling me that my time will come i was just too busy to notice that. God break me and shattered me into pieces. Takes away my dream, call back in heaven those that are dearest to me. He did that on a purpose. He did that because he has a plan. Im still confused and still can't figure out why now why only now. My father would be happy seing me tick off my bucket list. I hope He's seeing me from up above and i hope He and Nanay are proud of me. From this i know that next time im having a hard time understanding events around me i will lift it up to the Almigthy and let Him

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