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cactusringed · 11 months ago

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i WILL sleep soon but im having too many thoughts

the fact that etho decided that he was just going to be Very Nice To Bdubs.

bdubs? he must have been euphoric. he was finally given a spot in ethos heart in the way etho always has one in his. this was some sign that said hey, i matter to him too!

which only made it worse for him when etho did things for grian and cleo he would never do for him.

bdubs wondering if it meant anything at all to etho, or if it was some big joke. if he and his stupid big heart was some joke to etho. if etho understood that all itd take to get bdubs on his side was the slightest attention that way, dropping the act once he was satisfied with bdubs devotion.

to bdubs, it sure would be looking like he didn't ever matter to etho, only what he could do to keep etho alive did. nothing about his wellbeing or even happiness mattered to etho

bdubs told him he would not kill him, no matter what. even when etho told him he wouldn't blame him if we did. and etho couldn't even bother lying about failing a task for bdubs' sake

its not even that bdubs would care if etho attacked him for a task. if there was anything he could do for etho he'd do it in a heart beat, including losing a few hearts. but the fact that etho didn't even care enough to go 'yeah sure id fail a task for you' after bdubs proclaimed his loyalty

then, seeing how etho treats grian and cleo...

anger

i need bdubs to be furious

i need him to be angry on his own behalf. to recognise his self worth and realise he deserves better.

he would give everything to etho. what more does etho want from him? what more could he give to make etho care about him? how DARE etho build him a place in his home, pull bdubs in close, only to treat him like shit?

i need bdubs to be furious

and im going to be completely honest, i need to see him snap and kill etho. hes a man being pushed to the brink, and etho needs to learn that bdubs isnt some sidekick thats going to follow him around. that bdubs would give him the world if etho had bothered to give him even a shred of loyalty and care. and that etho FUCKED IT UP

IM SORRY WHEN YOU GOT ME INTO ETHDUBS I DIDNT EXPECT SUCH AN ANGSTY FUCKING RELATIONSHIP I

AAAAAAA

ok im falling asleep while writing this if i got anything wrong thats why. bed time. nighnigh

Brother when I tell you that the be nice to bdubs day episode makes me sick after what etho did. Oh my god. Oh my god.

The thing is about etho is that, he doesn't lie to bdubs. I don't think he does, anyway. All that kindness he offered bdubs - well, it was obviously a bit to embarrass him, but it was also all true. He doesn't like to lie to bdubs. He's haunted by the time he promised something (a life) and didn't deliver, to the point where when he did it again (promised to help bdubs with anything he needed, then laughed at his face when bdubs sought out his help) he felt SICK

Etho doesn't like to make promises, because he hates not to deliver on them. Bdubs loves to make promises he wholeheartedly intends to deliver on, or that he hopes the receiving party will know he'll try his heart off to deliver on. Bdubs values, so much, the very act of trying, the intent behind it. Etho values results. It's a dissonance neither can really see. So it leads to miscommunication and misunderstandings

Bdubs has promised so much to etho, so many times - etho must believe the words empty, no matter how earnest bdubs is. Meanwhile, because Etho is so careful about managing expectations, he comes off as... Aloof. As not returning even half of bdubs' earnest feelings. It's such a difference in their expression of love.

Etho felt bad, and thus he pushed himself to express love in a way bdubs would understand - through words of adoration. But then he immediately returned to his old ways. Immediately withdrew, as if scared. Because he is scared. In truth, he's terrified of the feelings he holds for bdubs, and how much it can hurt the both of them. But instead of seeing that, Bdubs can only see it as Etho playing a sick game with him. Bdubs, so starved for Etho's attention and love and devotion.

I doubt he would've promised cleo or grian he would protect them against the boogeys. He's told cleo before, that he's not a protector. He doesn't want to give the impression he is because he hates the idea of betraying that impression. But in the moment, he did become a protector. But it's that seed of doubt that it plants that hurts so much.

Because now, Bdubs will always see etho and remember that he refused to vow his protection to bdubs, whilst turning around and protecting his allies. He'll always see etho and remember that heartbreak.

He feels like he's been throwing so, so much love to a complete brick wall. Somethings gotta snap.

I want bdubs to either kill etho or try to hurt him - to genuinely go after him. But also if he does - if either of them do - I'll have a category 10 ethubs meltdown I s2g

This can only end in tragedy I swear I swear I swear I feel so SICK it's late and my head hurts so this probably makes no sense but. My god

#T anon

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fictionfixations · 23 days ago

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belphegor: humans cant be trusted. i cant trust [MC]. they've been lying to us this whole time!

also belphegor: appears all haha blushy as a special guest the fight right after💀

out of everyone it couldve been lmfao.

tbh im not attached to the demon boys (i do care about them but fhsui) so it doesnt really hurt me. like. i mean i can understand the sadness that comes with time traveling and seeing people youve known before but who dont know you and who also arent the same people you knew. i literally recently read a fic just like that and the way i sobbed when this character who we see as a father figure threatened to kill us (protag. i just say us from pov i read from) because he doesnt know us hasnt had that attachment and just my heart hurt. and im not over it.

but also thats come from being in that fandom and consuming a lot of media related to it for like months often. ive been on and off obey me so like i care but i dont have any emotional attachment?? like i mean i want them to get better and be better versions of themselves, but tbh its less i wanna romance them and more i want them to get better. to not have unhealthy coping mechanisms and stuff.

..now if it was simeon itd be a different story cause i would like to romance him

anyway thought i had regarding stuff. isnt it wacky that angels are meant to like care for and guide humans. except oh no they can't love them SO much that they want to be with them romantically, no no thats TABOO ?????? so like angels need to care about humans (or maybe they treat humans like infants so its less about caring and more that they believe humans cant do shit without them?) but not too much, no thats bad why. thats. so dumb.

and then what happens if humans prove that they can take care of themselves?

like later solomon said about how he wants us to be on the humans side if anything happens because otherwise itd be like being okay with how it is right now where humans are thought of as inferior and need an angel or demon's guidance to do stuff.

like. like okay so if humans prove that we can stand on the same footing as an angel and a demon, then tf do angels do? so they guide humans. okay what else? what if we dont need your guidance? what if we just want to live our own life even if we make stupid decisions???

would it be okay then? or would humans be looked down upon for trying to gain independence?

im just trying to understand

i really dont want to be their enemy cause itd suck and i dont know if we could be friends after

(me when one of my favorites is literally the demon who hates humans and has not gotten over it because of what they've done. why do i do this to myself)

and lets be honest idk what the protagonist has outside of the demon brothers, and like maybe the angels and solomon

..tbh i never finished the obey me (the other one)'s story so idfk if we can even do magic without taking magic from the demon boys so

???

but so like. what are we without them?? do we have a reason to do anything? a motivation?

i feel like. if we lost them that we'd lose a purpose in life. sure we have solomon and we have the angels but its not the same yknow?

also belphegor being all mad at us and its just like. sorry i kissed you in an earlier chapter 💀 i did the hug one first cause its never really felt appropriate to do romantic stuff during emotional times but if you know me i also go back to do other options so.. sorry for kissing you while i was of a species you detest ??? my bad

anyway wonder how we get out of this one when we cant tell them that we time traveled.

i dont really understand how it works but would it mean that there'd be a point where we do actually have to like leave leave them

with the idea that our past self would then appear when we do in the other game

and then us our future self would then appear in the 'present' who used to be our past self and we'd be back to the time it was in the last game

since nightbringer is clearly taking place after the first game except we just time traveled is all??

but then what about the demon boys memories? or would those memories be taken and then implanted into our future/present demon boys from the first game while we are also back into our present self while at the same time letting it continue as if the demon boys never met us so timeline doesnt get fucked but ALSO that the demon boys remember what happened in the past and what happened in the present so they're still the same-ish?

idk im bad at thinking about time stuff.

but i feel like if they remembered us from the past then something would happen, maybe not for the better. like if they changed the future then which couldve meant that we never then went to the past to meet them and then i guess paradox?

tbh i dont even remember how we got here its been way too long

also i forgot to make a post about it but nightbringer has gotten title dropped a few times, who is seemingly the guy who made us time travel

..why.

like before this did we get told of the scenario why? or ?? cause if we did iforgot

like. were we in danger? were the boys in danger??

idk man i feel like im going in circles

#thoughts #obey me #obey me!#obey me nightbringer #om! nightbringer

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rynnlovers · 1 year ago

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467s. / the ace husband doing whatever his hot M husband wants

tw// nsfw, little alcohol mentioned - 467s.

os is actually the acest ace alive bc their first time rynn's already barely clothed but rynns like trembling bc it's overwhelming and stuff and os literally didnt know what ti do even if itd have been fine even if he decided to push it, rynns like a little overwhelmed but he still wanted to do it with os lol. the image of them just putting their clothes back on and tried to sleep in guilt will never leave my mind

ry: (did i make him hesitate …?) .sad

os: (EVERYONE SAID IT WOULD BE EASY THEN WHY WAS RYNN TREMBLING LIKE A LITTLE BIRD AHAUAGGSHGSJSGSH- im never doing that ever again .ace acceptant from a hater)

rynnd probably has to be like "i want you… os…" smth first before os can actually force himself to do it gagaha. os doesnt particularly like sex i mean he just like rynn being breathless trying to say his name in a shakey voice and like rynns so cute being fucuckedk and blushing all over naianjanakdnd he wants to continue doing it just to hear rynn hopelessly moaning tbh 😔 like physically? ❌ mentally & visually? ✅✅✅

its like when os says stuff like "youre doing so good… / how can you take all that in? youre amazing rynn … / youre so cute like this / i love your voice / your skin feels nice / good boy" he meant it the most literally it can be on bed but rynns just going HAM in his head about os just sweet talking him LOL its like rynn's vision on os is like he just want os to do him mindlessly and like be a daddy or smth while os just the most innocent closeted ace ever gagagag,,,,,,,, theyre so adorable and the day os' evil side take over and is actually like reciprocating rynn's biggest kink will be the day he dies lmao

evil os "here… be a good boy for daddy"

ry "daddy…" .is going to choke and die

after - norm os "i cant remember a thing… did i- did i do smth bad to you rynn?? im so sorry are you okay…?

ry: dont worry about it os… dont think about it at all, actually. (its honestly so great os isnt actually like that bc if he is ill be the most dirtiest thing alive… like everyday)

but imagine if like theres a recording of that somehow and os saw it and then rynn started sobbing and like "im sorry i felt like i was cheating on you even if its you its like that was supposed to be a devil or smth but like i love you nonetheless os i know youre not like that and its fine youre the gentlest little thing and always respect my boundaries but but- im sorry its my fault i was- i was so dirty ,,,,, you can hate me now if you want i know im disgusti-"

…

… "Rynn."

…?—

os pulled the smaller body together with him onto and bed and pinned rynn on the backrest perfectly without even that much force. rynn was taken by surprise but then to have his every thought cut short as os grab his head and began kissing him hungrily.

like a predator marking its territory, marking its mate, writing names on what's supposed to be his, taking whatever rynn has to offer for granted. this is not os he knows, that much rynn realizes. and despite how in all other situations he might be scared out of his boots right now-

… rynn's little dirty mind is racing, excited for what is the next to come out of os' mouth after this forceful kiss which is so, so unlike os he knows.

the lips pulled apart without the slightest bit of gentleness, rynn was left clinging onto os' shirt for his dear life and gasping for air like his entire lifeline has just been sucked out of his gut. the two eyes met, and the emerald ones were deeper than ever, reflecting the stained-red so harshly like he had barely seen before.

"… This time."

rynn forced a gulp down his throat.

"I might have to punish you, Rynn."

…

dear lord.

if thats the last thing every soldiers saw before dying to os' blades, rynn is extremely jealous of every'body' six feet under right now. those eyes, the insanely bigger grip pinning his wrists up so easily like he always hoped it would, the raspy voice spelling his name and command, os' beautiful eyes and his perfect brow squinting at rynn and rynn only, little rynn can burn forever in hell just to live out this moment in his fantasy.

but well, its literally happening now so thats even worse he supposed.

… "please… punish me os." please ruin me, take everything you want every touch every bites and marks you want to have on me. make me dance to your heart desires, make me a toy in your arms, because you 'owned' me. i will always be yours and i want you to know that, and fuck me like you do. because you are so kind… please know i am yours. ruin me, os… ruin me until i have nothing left to offer then nourish me back to health. then, i will be happy to see you smile for me again.

hahahahahahahahhahahHEEEEEEEEEEE JUST RYNN BEING THE SLUTTIEST LITTLE THING DEAR DEAR LORD i want to say that rynn hates being overstimulated but loves when os does it ;D its just like his alcoholic ass that hates the fact that beer burns him alive but still drink especially because it burns. and when its os actually claiming rynn and doing whatever he wants rynns just happy and even if os force it when rynn's body is already out, the aftertaste is HORRIBLE but just being able to hug os and slowly gain his ability to properly breathe back, its worth it.

probably very ignorant, but meh i dont rlly care sure its bc of his trauma to make rynn such a masochist but at least now hes happy about it and we know that the one "supposedly" hurting him is someone who would never lay a hand on rynn is just a pretty fucked up but win-win scenario lol

more: like when rynn ACTUALLY realize that most of the time os holds his strength back for him and os can absolutely manhandle him if he wants to + he uses his full force on prisoners n' invaders shit on regular basis rynn will fucking EXPLODE and probably tried to commit tax fraud just to be in jail or smth lol (reminder; rynn… is the one person who monitors taxes for Frostvein)

let's be completely honest here if rynn's fine with toy os will discover a whole new world and will probably make rynn ride it more than, the normal amount of times. (hes not fine. he wants his man's dick. os if you gonna stick that humongous bazooga in me one time and then expect me to be fine with a silicone next i really hate you-)

#mtr_467s #oswald #rynn

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zhuhongs · 4 years ago

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Upon rereading tgcf, one of the biggest complaints I have is how lackluster all the extra chapters were. literally none of them were good and all contained rlly gross and harmful sentiments (like the amnesia one which.. yea.. or all the things implying xl should get pregnant for hc thus equating gay relationships with hetero ones and playing into the wife thing and just GOD I HATE MXTX)

There were a lot of little plot points i wish that had been further elaborated on more in the extras as opposed to hualian being ... like that. I had enough. Like mdzs had actaully good extras (minus the incense burners) that were nice side stories that elaborated more on the characters. Like the hook one with the juniors was so cute and i loved seeing them grow more. Or the lotus pod extras omg.. im such a lotus pod extra stan. those were so cute and gave us a lot of good insight into just how lovestruck lwj was during the times when he didn’t see wwx. mxtx should've stuck to those sorta extras in tgcf but NOOO. SO I have a list of so many other more interesting things those chapters couldve been spent on like:

A resolution on He Xuan’s revenge and his character arc. Bc its implied He Xuan is still hanging out and watching over sqx and that taking revenge didn’t fully satisfy him bc ok.. yea shi wudu is dead but he xuans family will never come back. Now what does he have to live for?? i wish we couldve seen a look into his life during the entire ordeal. like a chapter from his perspective while he was posing as Ming Yi and maybe a look at a conversation btw he xuan and the real ming yi or a chapter after SQX was banished to see what he’s doing now. Also what did he xuan owe hua cheng money for anyways?? Like ik not every little thing has to be explained but I Want to Know. PLEASE more goth boyfriend content now I just wanna see him :,((

a better resolution of yin yu and quan yizhens storyline. im still mad abt how that plot point was split btw books 3 and 5 when it was rlly out of place and there were other more pressing plot matters and it just rlly deserved more time. Also i thought yin yu died!?!?!? but apparently one of the extras says he’s alive and man... i;m not reading any more of the extras to see that, give me a full yin yu and quan yizhen chapter.. fuck.

a day in the life of the guoshi fangxin or general hua PLEASE especially like one where hua cheng was SO CLOSE to meeting xie lian but had no clue that xie lian was there at the time but the two did smth that inadvertantly helped the other and they still were connected even though they hadnt met omg pls that’d be so nice. like imagine Hua cheng catching a glimpse of the guoshi in public in yong’an while he’s trying to follow some lead that points to xie lian or maybe following a lead to capture qi rong bc he said he knew qi rong was a part of the yong’an stuff and originally thought the guoshi was one of qi rongs pawns. like can you IMAGINE him getting so close. but at the last second he did smth small that impacted xie lian. like they bumped into eachother on the street or smth. god i’d go crazy

OR vice versa.. like a day in the life of the young ghost king hua cheng. Like again, one of my biggest issues was that hua cheng just knew everything and its never really explained how he got all of that info. like yes he’s been alive very long and has eyes and ppl working for him everywhere but like... how did he build that network?? I’d love to see a chapter of young ghost king hua cheng travelling around trying to learn as much as he can abt the world and how it can help bring him to xie lian. and the two maybe are in the same kingdom for a bit and they don’t meet exactly but hua cheng stops some fight or something and helps xie lian indirectly or maybe xie lian is performing on the street in some costume and hua cheng doesn’t recognize him and smiles and gives him a coin or smth. idk i’m just dying for any sorta extra chapter or fic like that. i’m honestly so tempted to write my own but i cant write

also!! we’ve seen how xie lian picks up people down on their luck near him and show them kindness (like banyue, lang ying, xiao ying, he tried to with san lang but we know how that ended lmao) so i’d love to see another little vignette of him doing that on his travels and how every person he meets teaches him smth about life and being a good person and idk, i just think it’d be rlly sweet. i love this facet of his character and feel like we didn’t see enough of it towards the end.

ALSO hua cheng only seems to respect one heavenly official besides xie lian and thats yushi huang.. i assume thats mostly bc she was the only one to help xie lian and let him use the rain master hat to bring water to yong’an. I was thinking maybe when he was a new supreme he had run into trouble and maybe was picked up by the rain master and helped him heal and in return he promised to help protect her village from harm in the future. Like i know a heavenly official wouldn’t cooperate with a ghost like that but yushi huang is different and doesn’t really care about the heavens so i think she would protect him if he could do something to benefit her village. ik this is kinda far fetched but when he first became a supreme I’m sure a bunch of ppl probably tried to mess with him and didn’t rlly believe him to be undefeatable bc he hadn’t proved himself yet also i doubt all his power came overnight. he had to learn how to use it once he escaped the kiln. and some group probably thought they could weaken him somehow. I’m thinking maybe a rlly well formed group of ghosts actually caught him off guard once and he had to retreat and was picked up by the rain master and stayed with her and learned from her a bit. i think it’d be a cool concept also i just rlly want more yushi huang content and i’m on their friendship agenda bc he rlly did seem to actually respect her when she first appeared and i think it’d be cool if the two had some history together.

Also idrc if this was addressed I couldve missed it But!! Did xie lian ever tell Hua cheng that the reason he got the curse shackles and was banished again in the first place wasnt bc jun wu wanted to punish him, but because he requested it. And specifically requested it bc he felt guilty abt letting wu ming take the human face disease and disperse for his sake. So he took the shackles and descended to atone for that?? Bc I dont recall hua cheng learning that bc his soul was already dispersed at that point so it didnt follow him and xie lian didnt say anything so uhhh... someone should tell hua cheng that. Like I dont think xie lian rlly said how much hua cheng meant to him and didnt show him he was loved in grand ways. Like xie lian did always care for bc in other ways but I think if hua cheng learned abt this on screen it wouldve been such a great moment and I'm rlly surprised mxtx didnt address this iirc!?!? Like imagine jun wu telling Hua cheng this in the kiln bc xie lian wouldnt say it himself. Imagine how cool that would be.

Also a small thing adding into the whole young ghost king Hua cheng stuff. Its implied and p much stated that hua cheng isnt his real name. That he likely doesnt have a real name bc his parents died? (It's not clear. I'm still mad at mxtx for not making his childhood clearer). So I'd like to see when and why hua cheng chose that name for himself. The new tgcf ending song kinda hints at its meaning with the lyrics "for you I'd fill a city of flowers" as xie lian is the flower wielding martial god so it's probably inspired by that. Also xie lian saved hua cheng from leaping off the city walls but I'd love to hear him say it bc the implication of his name didnt dawn on me for quite a bit and I dont know if everyone made the connection. Again I sure as hell didnt. So itd be cool to see a chapter that takes place in his past after just ascending as a supreme

Overall I rlly think tgcf had a lot more potential to be even better and a lot of that comes down to fleshing out the side characters and letting hualian have more of a storyline independent of one another. like i know the appeal and message of tgcf is that through love, people can overcome anything, but fuck man. i just wanna see what these two (mostly hua cheng) where like in the absence of each others presence. Part of what I really liked abt mdzs is that we got to see that longing develop btw wangxian when the two weren’t together and how they thought about each other and did things in thei others spirit bc they knew the other wouldve done the same thing. but whatever, mxtx was too consumed by her own unhealthy idea of what devotion and true love looks like but still. i rlly think the extras couldve helped the story be better rather than be fujoshi fuel that i try to bleach from my mind -_-

#tgcf #🐌.txt #long post #text heavy #god its 1am im queuing this for the daytime bc i need yall to read this and scream with me bc these wouldve been such better extra chapters #oh fuck this is 1.3k words ajfaskjfklasfjksd #i should just write my own extras at this point now.. fuck mxtx

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radicalreliablerandomness · 4 years ago

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(it was 2 long 2 paste in the post lmao)

barry b benson x adam flayman

TW BEE SUICIDE ATTEMPT

adam sat upon the flower, observing the people around him. humans were so fucking stupid, honestly. like who the fuck would think that it was a good idea to put peanut butter and jelly in a sandwich together, when honey would compliment the jelly so much better? idiots. watching as a mother slathered her child with what seemed like way too much suncream, adam could not help but ponder how barry fell for one of these disgusting creatures. and one who looks like theresa may, none the less! barry had bad taste in the bitches if he did say so himself. although that was hippocritical for the bee who was in love with the bee who was in love with a human who looked like fiona from shrek in a human au. wait no, thats unfair on fiona, shes waaaaaayy better looking than that dumpster fire, bitch ass, boris johnson looking hoe with her short ass hair and stupid name. vanessa. ugh- even saying it made adam throw up in his mouth. vanes-augh. [wait can bees even throw up? eh, probably. what would they do if they accidentally ate a bit of a mARMITE otherwise,? that shit be nasty.] cant barry just requite his love and fuck him already? like, this isnt some angsty, 270k+, friends to lovers to enemies to lovers to friends to enemies to lovers fanfiction trope. it isnt 2004 people! sighing, adam ran a hand through his //moist// fuzz and thought about just jumping off of the flower and ending it all. after all, it was a rose, his brother's girlfriends step sister's son was killed by one of those. eh, whats he got to lose? like an alpha male, he triple flipped off of the rose, his small body getting closer to the thorns as every second passed, waiting for them to penetrate him. (ha, shame itd be the roses doing that and not barry, eh? ;))) until they didnt. what the fuck? he was meant to be dead and no longer have to face his unrequited love for his best friend and the fact that his mother was making him go on a vegan diet. (apparently cannabalism 'isnt good for his mental health.' well look where my mental health has gotten me now kAREN.) adams musings were interrupted by a voice. "jesus christ adam what the hell were you thinking?"

barry? barry had saved him? oh. well of course he had, barry was so fucking perfect with his black and yellow stripes and his sexy voice. goddamit, why did he have to have a nice personality too? why couldnt he just be an asshole fuck boy? "adam, can you hear me there buddy?"

buddy? ugh. i just got r/friendzoned.

"ugh yeah barry-buddy- i can hear you"

"great. now wHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING ADAM? YOU COULDVE DIED. DIED! YOU WOULD BE DEAD AND ID NEVER BE ABLE TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I-" barry broke down into sobs as adam patted his back gently, wondering what barry wanted to tell him.

"barry, its okay- you saved me. im here now and you can say whatever you wish."

"adam i- i- fuck."

"take your time, love. its okay"

barry looked at adam strangely as he realised what he had just said. LOVE? SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING?

"adam i love you."

adam waited; and waited; and waited. this had to be a joke. a cruel friendzoning or a shout of no homo afterwards. but barry was silent, looking everywhere but at him.

"-and" barry continued, finally locking his eyes with his sunlight struck orbs of amber.

"i know you love me too."

adam stared at barry, transfixed on the bee in front of him, the bee that he loved. how did barry know? apart from the slip up a second ago, he had done a pretty good job at keeping his emotions hidden. he was just a dude chilling in a honey tub, five feet away from barry because he wasnt gay. then it hit him, like a truck hitting a fox.

"sonofabitch you read my dream journal."

barry looked at him sheepishly, with guilt ridden eyes.

"well you left your diary at my house. and i read those pages, you really love me baby..."

adam coughed, trying to hide a splutter at the fact that barry had just called him baby. this bee was going to be the death of him.

"ha, yes-well. i- it is true. i do love you barry."

barrys face immediately broke out into a grin as he brought adam into a tight hug, clinging onto adam as if he were going to discintegrate, like voldemort in the deathly hallows movie despite the fact that in the books he just died like a normal fucking person. thanks hollywood. anyway, adam buried his face in barrys fuzz, finally at peace.

"waIT!" he screamed suddenly, pulling away.

"what?" barry answered, looking slightly scared for his life.

"what about vanessa?"

last time hed seen barry hed been infatuated with the she-demon, wtf happened? was barry fucking with him. he didnt want that. barry should be fucking him not fucking with him. what if-

"oh her? yeah she poured milk before her cereal. crazy bitch" barry stated, wrapping his fingers in adams fuzz.

adam giggled, relieved that this wasnt just a joke.

"yeah, i always got those kinda vibes from her."

he turned to see barry smiling softly up at him.

"yeah, i should have realised sooner."

and with that he was back in barrys arms, never wanting to leave.

IM CRINGEING BUT AT LEAST IM NOT A COWARD

“YOU READ MY DREAM JOURNAL” I AM ACTUALLY DYING OF LAUGHTER NOW THANK YOU FOR YOUR BRAVERY KIND SIR THIS IS PROBABLY THE BEST PART OF THE DAY OH MYGOD I CANT ALSO PLEASE DONT BASH PB AND J ITS AMAZING

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r4tjam · 4 years ago

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here is my sin 😔✌

buddy? ugh. i just got r/friendzoned.

"ugh yeah barry-buddy- i can hear you"

"barry, its okay- you saved me. im here now and you can say whatever you wish."

"adam i- i- fuck."

"take your time, love. its okay"

barry looked at adam strangely as he realised what he had just said. LOVE? SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE THINKING?

"adam i love you."

adam waited; and waited; and waited. this had to be a joke. a cruel friendzoning or a shout of no homo afterwards. but barry was silent, looking everywhere but at him.

"-and" barry continued, finally locking his eyes with his sunlight struck orbs of amber.

"i know you love me too."

"sonofabitch you read my dream journal."

barry looked at him sheepishly, with guilt ridden eyes.

"well you left your diary at my house. and i read those pages, you really love me baby..."

adam coughed, trying to hide a splutter at the fact that barry had just called him baby. this bee was going to be the death of him.

"ha, yes-well. i- it is true. i do love you barry."

"waIT!" he screamed suddenly, pulling away.

"what?" barry answered, looking slightly scared for his life.

"what about vanessa?"

last time hed seen barry hed been infatuated with the she-demon, wtf happened? was barry fucking with him. he didnt want that. barry should be fucking him not fucking with him. what if-

"oh her? yeah she poured milk before her cereal. crazy bitch" barry stated, wrapping his fingers in adams fuzz.

adam giggled, relieved that this wasnt just a joke.

"yeah, i always got those kinda vibes from her."

he turned to see barry smiling softly up at him.

"yeah, i should have realised sooner."

and with that he was back in barrys arms, never wanting to leave.

OMFG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR OWN BEE MOVIE FANFIC IM-

this is legendary i’m crying laughing oh my god 😂😭😭

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seongwhy · 5 years ago

Text

first of all thanks for your tumblr

i have a request please !! ateez with their love interest making the first move. It could be so sweet or hot... idk can't wait to read

THANK YOU ♥

@panda-tchi thank you!!! I'm so sorry it took long, i made a post about my absence, but I didnt knwo if you meant you wanted ateez making the first move or their love interest... so Im gonna do both !!! they'll be in parts so heres the first part

ateez making the first move on their love interest

hongjoong

ok so in my head hongjoong is like,, rlly shy and cute and b aby!!!!

and so he wouldn't do anything unless he was absolutely sure abt it

he would be flustered walking you to your door and flustered when he grabbed your hand

but youd look at him and smile and hed know everything's going good

but with his cheeks red and his teeth showing hed move the hand that isnt holding yours to move your hair behind you ear

and hed step closer to yours

istg itd be like a cheesy ass drama

hed lean in to you and close his eyes rlly tight and his lips puckered and youd be like :')) what a cutie

but then youd lean into him and itd be a perfect harmony of sweetness and kisses

and hed pull away after kissing you with his face beet red and be like '...that was awesome' and youd laugh and hed go redder

I literally ugh I want this

hed say goodnight but wont let go of your hand :((( youd have to tell him

hed walk away giggling to himself and once he got home hed be so happy omg hed text you right away

'tonight was so fun.. see you again soon?'

seonghwa

seonghwa,,,, baby

yall would be driving home from the date

and hed be driving and hed slip his right hand on your thigh !!! like the slick God he is !!!!

and youd be like.... oh shit

and when you look at him hed be smirking but still looking at the road bc hes a ~responsible driver~

but in his head hed be like 'is this ok???? what am.i doing AA'

then when he reached your place hed stop you from getting out so he could open the door for you gentleman style

hed give you his hand to get out, and then bring it around his waist

o m gee hed wrap his arm around your waist too

then at your door he would even say anything hed just grab you face and kiss you

and youd be ●-● for three seconds before smiling and leaning into it

and you can feel him smile too

then when you guys pull away bc of lack of breath he kisses your nose and your cheek and your hand

and tells you it was a pleasure and you'll see him tomorrow at lunch or smth

and he pecks you again and gives you the cutest smile and walks away giving you a few more looks as he goes

but

you yell at him to stop

and you invite him inside

what is he gonna do ?? say no ?

yunho

ok so I see you and yunho being rlly good friends

and you're at his place/the dorm and you're making ramen together

and all the boys are playing video games or in their rooms or smth so it's just you two in the kitchen cooking it up yknow what I mean

and you're laughing at sum dumb thing he said

and then he just looks at you

and watches you with your pretty smile and your pretty face and your pretty hair and you look so pretty

and he just cant help but move closer to you

and then you stop laughing and look at him like ???

and he just grabs your waist and pulls you in

then he takes a deep breathe and does what hes been wanting to do for a while now

and kisses you

he kisses you like his life depended on it this guy cant hold back

you're so into it you both cant hear or think or breathe anything but each other

but then you hear a 'yah!!!!' and you step away from yunho to see an angry but cheeky seonghwa looking at you two and the overflowing boiling water on the stove

and you and yunho jump and go read and move to clean and both mumble an 'I'm sorry' to seonghwa

he walks away chuckling

and you two look at each other wide eyes and red faces and laugh

ah,,, such kids man

yeosang

you and yeosang are going on a lil brunch picnic date

so u had to wake up early (a lil too early for you but dont tell him dat) to make sure your morning hair was tamed and your eyebags were covered

though yeosang wouldnt have cared what you looked like tbh

but when you answered your doorbell in the prettiest outfit hes ever seen, be wasnt complaining

he maybe took too long staring at you bc you had to clear your throat to get him to stop

he looked up at you, trying his best not to look flustered and he clears his throat too, sticking his hand out for you to hold on to

you smile at him and take his hand and step down your front steps

as hes waiting for you to step down the last one, he grabs onto your other hand and pulls (take a shot everytime i use that word in this post) you into him

he kisses you lightly

then whispers 'you look really pretty'

winks at you

and starts walking

you're standing at the end of your steps and gape at him

he looks back at you

'aren't you coming?'

san

ok dis precious lil baby boi

hes nervous and hes masking it w confidence and jokes

but you can read right through them

but you're not gonna tell him that

hes walking you to the park where you'll sit and play with the doggos that walk by and he has some sandwiches in his bag (your favourite)

and you're talking and he asks you you're favourite color to which you answer and he stops

and you stop, confused

so you grab his arm and ask 'are u ok?'

and he looks at you and grabs your shoulders and says 'that's my favourite too'

and you're like ,,, ok cool wow let's keep going i wanna see he dogs

but he just looks at you and says nothing

and so u turn and walk with your arm in your hand to pull him along

but he just grabs it and pulls you into him

and kisses you !!!!! and you kiss back !!!

and then you part from him

and say 'all because you like purple too?'

and he laughs and smiles and hooks his arm into yours and starts walking again with a lil more pep in his step (if that's even possible)

mingi

mango!!! my babie

mingi takes u on a lil arcade date

he tries his best to let you win every game you play

until it gets to one of those racecar games where he just loses himself in and therefore cannot lose to anyone

and when he wins he cheers and claps

until he looks over and sees you pouting that you not only lost to him, but got last place as well

he immediately stops cheering and pouts too

he starts making hand hearts and he grabs your hands and plays with them claps them together and boops your nose

he does everything until he sees you smile

and once you smile he does too

and he kisses your forehead and then your cheek and then he leans towards your lips, still smiling

and he kisses you

it's short but cute !! and lovely and keeps you wanting more

but he opens the curtain of the game thing and walks over to your side and grabs your hand

'c'mon, you can beat me in the next one'

wooyoung

wooyoungie !!! takes you to an amusement park!!!!

yall have gone on all the rides, have tried every fair food you could and now the sun is starting to set (I think yall know where this is going)

theres only one thing you two havent done yet

and that's the ferris wheel !!!!

you two are sitting up there and you're gaping at the view in front of you

but though you thought the view was pretty ... he thought you were prettier sorry

and hes staring at you wishing youd just turn to face him so he kiss your pretty mouth

and then you do

so then he does

and you gasp!!! but melt into him

you put your hands in his hair

and he puts his on your face

and yall are kissing until you have to get off or pay for another ride

and he pays for another ride

but then you eventually get off and you eventually get home

and once hes home he doesnt hesitate to text you

and then hes hyungsik in that scene from strong girl bong-soon

and yeosangs telling him to stfu and go to bed

jongho

plz this lil man can barely keep it together when he sees you

and he finally gets you alone?? what does he do with himself

apparently nothing. bc hes just sitting there

his hyungs know he likes you and you being wooyoungs bestie, you're chilling in the dorm

and the hyungs leave bc '... I have to .. nap' 'right!! and i have to ... go to the store !! we have no more ramen and you know the kids,, they need their ramen' and 'oh gosh, would you look at the time!! I've gotta take a shower!!'

and one by one it's just the two of you on the couch

and he freezes

I mean, you're just slouched down on your phone

but you look so... so pretty

and lovely

and like he could just kiss you

and now hes staring.

and now you've realized

and hes blushing and his throat is dry

'I.. uh . sorry do u want some water? I'm gonna go get some water'

without waiting for an answer he kinda just walks away mumbling 'so dumb. so dumb! damn u hyungs'

when he gets to the kitchen he pours himself some water and take a sip

be turns around and you're there !! oh no

jongho decides he doesnt give a f u ck. yolo. hes no pussy boi

and he just steps in and he pulls u in

and he kisses you

and he thanks God you kiss back

and now hes blushing. again

you kiss his neck to tease him and he turns redder

you back up and laugh

'I was wondering when you were gonna do that'

hes so happy he almost cries

thanks wooyoung!!!!

#ateez #seonghwa #wooyoung #yeosang #jongho #yunho #mingi #hongjoong #san #ateez fluff #ateez scenarios #i want all of thsi tbh #submission

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sanchoyo · 4 years ago

Note

You wanna gush about the LoV?

ALWAYS.

DID YOU MEAN FOR THE UNPOPULAR OPINIONS, OR. IN GENERAL.

(I’ll do the unpopular opinions bc I assume that’s what you meant, if I’m wrong, I could do more. always.)

-spinaraki is a better ship than shigadabi. I said it. I LIKE all three characters! But every single time I’ve tried to read a shigadabi fic, they always have them wildly ooc?? either they make Tomura a Weirdly uwu waifish type or they totally swap their personalities. The day I find an in character shigadabi fic... But I loooove spinaraki dynamic SO much, it’s so interesting to me!!! And you know what? if Spinner was a typical prettyboy itd be more popular 🙃

-I cringe when people make the lov ~pretty~ like removing scars n stuff. I can kinda understand with Dabi because they’re like ~what if he got away from Endeavor in time~ or those kinda scenarios and they could just be curious to see what he’d look like in that sort of au, or wanna see how much of a todoroki he looks like, but when people do it and are like ‘omg theyre actually hot under all that!!’ as if people with wrinkles, scars, burns, can’t be hot??? 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫

-when people sexualize toga I lose it. 🔫🔫🔫👁_👁 (this includes in canon. or all the young girls tbh, not just Toga)

-speaking of toga!!! I wanna see more toga-centric fics!!! or shippy ones with her that are actually the other person reciprocating just bc I love to imagine how she’d react and act in a relationship. ajkdfhkj

-^adding on to that, why are all the lov fics so centered around either dabi, shigadabi or villain!deku???? I want...fics of the other characters!!! (the lack of shigaraki-centric fics drives me nuts all the time. WHY!!! HES LIKE. THE MAIN VILLAIN NOW!!! HELLO???)

-villain!deku bad 90% of the time. i swear I JUST ranted to my good friend abt this. and I’ve ranted about it before on this blog, I looked thru my tags for a min and it was a rant in my tags, but it still stands:

#ppl always try to give deku in that au shigs backstory everytime!!!! like its always he gets orpahned and taken in by villains or smth!!!! #you want a sassy bratty smart villain!!! shig is there!!! #ppl really just mesh shigs personality/backstory with kurogiris aesthetic and slap dekus face on it!!! #that might as well be a fandom oc bc its SO FAR REMOVED FROM IZUKU!!! #tell me im wrong bc im NOT #this isnt me saying u cant enjoy it its just me Saying…#IM NOT GOING TO STOP SCREAMING ABOUT HOW FUNNY THIS IS. Deku villain au is just #shigarakis backstory and personality + kurogiris aesthetic in a trench coat…..

I could go more in depth about this and write a full essay why I think villain!deku is sooo poorly written and thought out and just...not good. But if people enjoy it, idc. I’m just tired of trying to find lov-centric stuff and seeing Him Everywhere. He’s already the main character. Why do u gotta shove him into the villain group too. JFC.

-I wish we saw more of Mustard!! wheres that funky little gun boy. What if we never see him again??? makes me sad... I don’t care much about moonfish or muscular, but the lov could’ve had a 14 yr old baby which is SO funny. Gun son. Him and Toga could’ve had a fun sibling relationship where she teases him endlessly and bothers him all the time and he pretends he hates it. COME ON. WHY IS THERE NO CONTENT OF THAT.

-this is gonna be a REALLY unpopular opinion. I almost didn’t include it, but fuck it 4 am time for REALLY REALLY unpopular opinions. Aside from Muscular, Moonfish, AFO, and the doctor, (basically the lov ppl most people don’t care for...) ...Twice is my least fav in the league.

Gonna say it: he is a REALLY good character...a compelling backstory, relatable, funny, full of heart!!! But that weird pervy stuff Horikoshi adds for no reason!!! If he didn’t hit on Toga I wouldn’t say that!! Most people say just try to ignore it, and I do when writing him bc who cares about canon, right, but it’s hard to look past!! I KNOW it’s the Horny Lens this manga has a gross undertone of, but god!!!

Him and Toga could’ve had a fun bff dynamic where he tries to make sure she has the family and care he didn’t get at her age!!! Why!!! It makes me so sad and angry. That I struggle to fully enjoy his character to what I know is his full potential. Bc of a few lines that were totally unnecessary and gross and added nothing at all, that were intended to be funny but were just fucking gross. >:”(

Ty for asking again!!!

#long post #sanchoyoanswersasks #I GENUINELY FEEL LIKE PEOPLE ARE GONNA UNFOLLOW FOR THE LAST ONE LMAO #I mean unfollow w/e thats all of your prerogatives and quite frankly I don't care bc I do it over very tiny things #and ur experience on here should be as good as u wanna make it #but. asdjfdsk #yeah #bananaapplewaffle #bnha

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crybabiegeeks · 5 years ago

Text

Just got sent one of those questionnaires that are just an excuse to talk about yourself but fuck it.

1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them?

The first one that I can remember would be a guy called Liam in year three but I’m sure there were people before that. I’m pretty sure it was because of some silly shit like he was sporty and played soccer hahaha

2. What is one thing you regret having done or not done in your life?

Every time I think of my number one regret there’s one memory that comes to mind. I’m going to hide some details because it’s too embarrassing to tell truthfully on here. When I was fifteen I was drinking in a park with friends and then did mdma. I ended up hooking up with a really SHIT guy, like honestly one of the worst people I will ever meet. It went further than that and the whole night was a complete mess I’ve never experienced again the feelings I had on that night I think its the most unsafe and anxious I’ve ever felt, being alone and drugged up with this psychotic douche bag in a park at three AM. I later found out while coming down that the dickhead had a girlfriend, not only that but his bestfriend was in love with me which caused me and him to lose our friendship. I didnt know at the time that the friend’s feelings for me were so strong and what I did really hurt him.

3. Which parent do you identify with the most?

Definitely my mum. The similarities I see between me and my dad scare me.

4. What do you think you cook or bake the best?

My pasta bake changes lives

5. If you could change your first name what would it be?

When I was a kid i always wanted to be called Lilly, I couldn’t decide now though.

6. Can you hula hoop?

Only on my arm

7. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people?

When I get loud and obnoxious without realising it

8. Have you considered running for president?

God no im a mess

9. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why?

I hate being asked what my passions are. I feel like if you dont play a music or a sport then youre just basic. I dont read heaps or get into politics or anything like that. I guess it’d be music and films but isn’t that everyone?

10. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why?

I’ve never thought about this before, I dont know how Im meant to pick one person because im pretty much jealous of everyone

11. Where is the most beautiful place on earth and why?

This isnt the most beautiful place on earth because I have no way of knowing where that is, but my favourite spot in the world is on this rock me and my sister discovered as kids. Its near my house down on the water. Sitting there at sunset is so incredibly beautiful.

12. Are ghosts real?

Hope not

13. Are aliens real?

Hope so

14. How old is the most expired item in your fridge?

Dont think anything in there would be

15. What are your favorite style of underwear?

Lace cheeky ones

16. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard?

Off the top of my head Id say let down by radiohead

17. How about the sweetest song?

Falling slowly from the Once soundtrack

18. Do you know how to play dominoes?

Yep

19. What’s under your bed?

My box of memories from highschool

20. Have you ever prank called someone?

Yess

21. 100 kittens or 3 baby sloths?

SLOTHS what kind of question is this

22. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now?

I think relatively, i finally feel like im on track with what i want to do with my life. I wish that i had a connection with someone at the moment but theres not much you can do about that hey

23. Why or why not?

I explained already

24. How many bones have you broken?

surprisingly none, torn my acl and meniscus twice however

25. Have you ever won anything? Big or small?

nothing more than concert tickets

26. If you could buy one material thing, and money was not an issue, what would it be?

first thing that came to mind was air pods

27. What’s your favorite movie from your childhood?

twilight, i dont know why but i can watch it over and over again

28. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat?

vegemite

29. What’s the best way to comfort you when you’re having a really terrible day?

Cigarette, cuddles, and a movie in bed

30. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before?

Not that I can think of

31. Would you ever adopt a child?

Definitely

32. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try

Skateboarding haha im so uncoordinated though and itd be extremely embarassing if i just started

33. If you were a cake which cake would you be?

id like to think a red velvet cupcake

34. What is the most important material possession you have and why?

My box of memories think the reason is a given

35. What is the most important memory you have and why?

I cant think of any big good memories that have had huge impacts on my life its mostly the bad ones that have. But thinking about it now, Im doing what i want to be doing and im relatively happy so they cant have been to bad hey

36. When was the last time you cried?

On saturday night, I was talking to my bestfriend about his mum who recently passed away.

37. How old was your mother when she had you?

thirty

38. Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with?

tom holland

39. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did?

to my step sister for not trusting her, i still dont know what really happened but i wish i stuck by her i couldve made a difference in her life.

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sidneycrosbyisawitch · 6 years ago

Note

Would you do an analysis of Tyler? His character etc

if i could count the number of words i’ve spilled about tyler jacqueline seguin, it would surely be astronomical. and still i wouldn’t say i’ve ever approached capturing all the beautiful nuances of how complex and wonderful he is.

but if i were to try to reach out and grasp just a few qualities that make up the constellation of who tyler is (with help from lina @betheproof), it’d look something like this:baby boytyler is his momma’s first baby, her only boy, and (like all hockey players) he’s a momma’s boy and loves to be loved. then he’s drafted second overall to the boston bruins, a team of veteran guys where he’s the only rookie. i think it’s a mistake when we write off tyler’s time with the bruins as if they didn’t care about him or were wrong for him. because they loved tyler.

he had a team full of daddies and older brothers taking care of him, and they won the stanley fucking cup in his rookie season. we can’t ignore how fucking formative that was. hockey media still talks about the 2011 bruins like they were the most incredible thing to ever happen to hockey. they say that locker room would have killed and died for each other. tyler still has a group chat with that team. that is the environment that raised tyler. a bunch of older guys who would kill for him.(but at the same time, it wasn’t perfect, and that oftentimes left tyler to his own devices in a high pressure market. and management watched that happen, and then they fucked up.)tyler makes such a point to say how it was good for him to come to dallas where most of the guys were his own age (even though jamie’s a little older, tyler adds). it was good for him because it meant someone was taking care of him on and off the ice. jamie (and jordie and the rest of the guys) didn’t have families to go home to at the end of the night. they didn’t have to leave tyler alone. tyler needed someone to basically live on top of him and that’s exactly what jamie did.there are so many things that make tyler a baby boy. his need for attention and praise. the way he knows how to use his body and constantly positions himself as a sexual object. tyler flirts like he’s getting paid because he wants that extra layer of attention and interest. all of this is to say: tyler has a need to be taken care of. (he says jamie tamed him, but jamie just gave him what he needed in large enough doses that it settled something inside of him. tyler still has fun, he just doesn’t tip over the edge.)performance / performativityspeaking of the being tamed comment, tyler is well aware of his role the narratives spun around him. it isn’t a stretch to say that, in addition to his talent on the ice, dallas acquired tyler to be a face of the franchise. they threw him into media as soon as he touched down, and tyler was expected to carry the weight of the media attention for not only his own trade but also jamie’s new captaincy. dallas started throwing out the k*ne and toews comparisons real early. (”aren’t we the bestest of friends?” “only to media.”) they wanted that kind of narrative for themselves, and jamie and tyler lived up to it in a big way. after being a player criticized for immaturity, tyler grew to hold half the weight of the dallas stars. he says the right things at the right times. he makes sure he brings out the best in jamie and brings everything back to the party line. (that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know how to subtly subvert the party line when he needs to, though. he might be hyper-aware of his role, but that doesn’t mean he’s a bland puppet for the org.) then there’s the way tyler is his own voyeur. all professional athletes are to some extent, right? tyler tells the eye of the tiger story about his dad watching him play hockey when he was little. from a young age, tyler has always been hyper-aware of being looked at and judged and it manifests in so many ways. being a top competitor, obviously. but there’s also the way he embraces his looks and his body and the way people look at him. the body issue. photoshoots. that Basic instagram story. (he knows people are looking and he knows how to work it.)he also does this thing lina noticed where he points out “flaws” before anyone else can (even the tiniest things) and jokes about them. not quite self-deprecating, but gently making fun of himself. it makes him more human, but also diffuses criticism before it starts. a donut stain on his coat. chewing gum too aggressively. someone thinks i’m way better at hockey.tyler’s social media and the moments he chooses to share are an extension of the performance. he’s so fucking honest with us in so many ways, but they’re still carefully selected and curated moments. even during that awful fucking r*adtrip last season, tyler still posted an update for every city. it isn’t just media promotion, it’s a genuine outlet for him. when his grandparents passed away, he pulled his heart out on instagram. he wants us to see the puppies he’s so proud of, his home, his family, his team. he wants us to see those parts of himself especially. interpersonal and intrapersonal intelligencetyler doesn’t get enough credit for just how smart and introspective he actually is. it’s like you table dance with strippers one time and everyone forgets you’re a multifaceted human capable of more than being a lushy flirt. (not that the lushy flirt side of tyler isn’t incredible and important, as well.)but tyler clearly understands himself and other people better than most. in the at home video from this summer, tyler talks about how his early career gave him a skewed perception of how easy it is to make it to the championship round and team bonds and what vegas did versus what the stars didn’t do. he talks about going on the water to think. it’s all so perfectly illustrative of how much thought and introspection tyler is capable of. he knows who he is and where his heart is. and tyler’s relationships with others, what can really be said here that isn’t self-evident. tyler knows how to make people love him. he’s charming and fun and craves social attention and affection. tyler needs a pack. (he created his own little pack of pups for when he can’t fill his house with human companions.)but more than that, he understands how people work and gives them what they need. it’s why he was so good for jamie. it’s why guys love him. it’s even why we love him. expressiveness and physicalityin a sport full of men deeply media trained to be as boring as possible, we aren’t treated to a whole lot of facial expressions. men in general tend to be less expressive than women, supposedly. maybe that’s why we lose our shit when guys in this league make a single face and why tyler’s body language can read very feminine and at times submissive. because tyler is so fucking expressive. he’s got those puppy eyebrows that give his whole face life. he smiles and pouts, grimaces and laughs, with so much abandon. when he feels something, he expresses it, even exaggerates it. and it’s not just his face, his body is so expressive, too. he talks with his hands, he’s constantly touching his face/neck/shoulders when he speaks. he presses close to people and likes to be touched back. as lina always says, one of tyler’s most important love languages is physical touch. obviously, as with all athletes, his body is his livelihood and he’s so in tune with it and comfortable with his sensuality. meaning: he’ll call his chest his boobs, no problem. then he’ll tattoo them because his body is his and he loves it. and then he’ll pull up his shirt in the middle of a party and play with his nipples for the camera. and he’ll be beautiful the whole time.home and familyif you haven’t read julie dobbs’ recent blog post, please go do so now. tyler’s defining characteristic is that he’s a family guy with a good heart. he’s an unashamed momma’s boy, an awesome big brother, and a proud provider. family is probably the single most important thing in tyler’s life. he loves them with everything he has. he shares their happiness and their heartbreak with us. he has a cottage outside toronto that he lovingly turned into a home and filled it with friends and family all summer. he takes so much pride in the fact that it’s become a place his family uses even when he’s in dallas.which brings us to dallas. a home he never wanted or expected, but he made it his own, anyways. (and how fucking hard must it have been to leave boston? a place tyler considered home for years? a city he still loves?) he grew into himself and settled deep into the heart of texas. dallas is home, tyler says. and it’s more than a media platitude. tyler chose to stay there -- fought to stay there, actually, by essentially having to jumpstart contract negotiations himself. tyler has grown so, so much since he came to dallas, and the sense of home started with jamie.tyler and jamie essentially lived together. tyler didn’t get the typical experience of bunking with another rookie and living out of each other's pockets at the NHL level until he got to dallas and met jamie. that, and the group of young teammates, are what started dallas being home for tyler. living in the same building, which transitioned to buying houses down the street. jamie was the most important pack member, and tyler started nesting into dallas. turned his houses (with help from jackie) into beautiful homes where he can host his whole family for christmas, now. he got more dogs to add to his pack, his need to nurture and provide kicking into a higher gear. he has brampton on his arm, boston on his ribs, but dallas is in his heart.superstaronce upon a time, tyler was a tiny kid who thought he’d have to play college hockey and work his ass off if he ever wanted to get a glimpse of the NHL. he was ready to put in that work, every single day, just for a chance.then he went second overall and won a cup. of course so much of tyler’s identity revolves around being a really fucking good hockey player. their highs and lows depend upon performance, that’s not unique, but it is still so important to who tyler is. he’s a goal scorer, an all star, a stanley cup champion. he’s the kid who went out after a tough loss in boston (a loss blamed on him) and sat down to eat alone. he’s the guy who fucking beamed in an interview after jamie got him a promised goal to break his drought. and he’s the guy who’s gracefully shouldering the undeserved criticism of his play while it probably tears him up inside.but tyler is a star, and what do stars do best? shine.growthtyler was a kid who was easily led astray (and he was a teenage boy, of course he was). during the draft, taylor hall was already poised and well-trained and it was only his presence that stopped tyler from following where he shouldn’t go. and boston saw him following there a bit too much. but tyler grew. he proved them wrong. tyler’s tweets have been used to teach rookies how not to social media, and now tyler has a sweet, responsible insta presence. tyler was known as an immature party boy, and now he (definitely still parties but) loves to be in the home he made for himself. he’s a leader on the stars, helped jamie become captain and lead the team. his game has evolved so much that he’s crucial on every part of the ice, in all situations, and had a career high season last year. he’s the stars’ you can play ambassador. he funded a ball hockey court and youth center for underserved kids.he was always capable of more. tyler grew into himself and his role. he’s poised, charming, responsible -- all while being entirely himself. this summer, tyler did nothing but grow and he did it for himself. alone, but not lonely. he learned how to box. he grew his hair out like he’s always wanted. he visited spain and scotland and knocked two countries off the little list of places he wants to go that he keeps in his iphone notes.and now, through all of this new pain, he’s going to grow again.

#@tseguin92 give me a phd for this #no one ask me for a character analysis ever again i clearly can't handle the pressure #peace love and tyler seguin to you all in this new year #asks #Anonymous

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faunusrights · 6 years ago

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OFFAL HUNT REMASTER LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 9

oh goody!

well this is it. the Date Chapter. the chapter, in which, the Date happens. lowkey im so fucking hype for this stupid goddamn chapter AAAAAAAAAAAA this is when the sexy got kicked up about seven notches and i know its gonna be a fucking twenty from here on out so LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

“Is this your date, Ms. Fall?” he asked.

Cinder didn’t look away from Glynda. “Mhm.”

STRAIGHT OUT OF THE GODDAMN GATE WE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A SECOND TO EVEN GATHER OURSELVES JUST STRAIGHT UP HUH!!!!!!!!! ‘is this your date’ im legally dead

What the fuck.

already im fucking THRIVING im so glad this chapter’s mood got encapsulated within the first ten seconds and im definitely gonna have to re-read this chapter for the full unannotated experience OOOOOOOOOH MY GOD IM SO READY

Glynda’s thoughts ricocheted inside her head like coins left in a dryer. A part of her couldn’t understand what was happening and disengaged. The rest of her, grasping for purchase in all this, reasoned that going with Cinder was better than staying here confused, alone, and utterly displaced.

glynda ‘i aint ever had a gf before’ goodwitch at her PEAK right here. like GOD shes gone from ‘cinder’s trying to murder me’ to ‘cinder just plopped me right into a date’ like CINDER. CINDER YR CHANGING GEARS SO FAST. YOU DIDNT EVEN SEND FLOWERS OR ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

is it because shes a u-haul lesbian or

Higher, Glynda realized the dress itself was backless, revealing the black tattoo she’d seen so often before, perfectly centered between sharp shoulder blades.

this gay energy is BONKERS, quite frankly??????? where did cinder get her dress from? why does she have it? did she buy it just for this fuckery? or will she pull the ‘i just had a this lil number laying around’ line????????? does she wanna seduce glynda to death?????? was this PLANNED OR DID SHE JUST DECIDE SHE WANTED A DATE AND WTH LIFE REALLY IS SHORT ON REMNANT THESE DAYS?????????? cinder fall please explain your workings to the class

maybe Glynda wasn’t the only one who’d become adept at reading her opponent.

👏 when 👏 will 👏 they 👏 kiss 👏 already 👏👏👏👏

me: this is a slowburn also me: if u assholes dont give me this in the next ten seconds-

“Unarmed? As if you could be so helpless.”

cinder’s style of flirting is just. commentating on a person’s deadliness. that’s IT it’s the only TRICK SHE HAS and its working, is the thing,

im reading the description of the table and remembering the shitpost and oh my god i have to draw this???? hell IS real!!!!!! COULDNT YALL JUST TOSS EM IN A PLAIN BOX,

Cinder eyed her from her bastion of dark cushions,

cinder, ass-deep in cushions: this is peak cuddle territory come and join me

Cinder, for her part, seemed delighted Glynda had noticed. Touching the pendant more gently than Glynda might have ever thought her capable of, Cinder said, “Yours? You didn’t seem to mind parting with it.”

im still deeply enjoying this powermove the novelty NEVER wears off (and at risk of light spoilers i do enjoy its place in this story 👀)

Cinder let the necklace drop, settling against the swell of her bust once more,

/lightly coughs 👀👀👀

im losing my MIND at how gay this bit is i physically cannot HANDLE IT and if they even describe the meal once im gonna pop off cause i am. SO HUNGRY RN. AAAAAAAAAAAA

Cinder indicated a dish of lamb and vegetables, served on a bed of rice and drizzled in some sort of sauce.

SRY THIS ISNT GAY BUT OH MY GOD IM SO HUNGRY I WANNA E A T I T THAT SOUNDS SO GOOD UGHGHGHGHGHGH WHY DID THIS CHAPTER HAVE TO BE TODAY OF ALL THE DAYS,

Glynda cleared her throat, working out: “The Grimm.”

like. GOD WE KNOW GLYNDA IS JUST SO FUNCTIONALLY BAD AT CONVERSATION BUT OF ALL THE THINGS glynda please just. just. stop thinking abt her sexy tattoos for a fifth of a second,

“You can control them.” A sedate blink. For all the world, Glynda might have just commented on the weather.

which is a faux pas for a date!!!!!!!!!!! at least tell her the DRESS IS SEXY WE ALL KNO WHATS WHAT YR THINKIN ABT

Glancing down as though it were being pointed out to her for the first time, Cinder shrugged and adjusted the end of the glove a little higher on her bicep. “And?”

a quick aside im enjoying how like... visually expressive cinder is in this remaster! i can see her facial expressions and her motions really clearly in my mind’s eye which is a fun little boon if only because i have to redraw this nonsense hjsgdfjhfksgd but cinder’s got a Good Face this time around! A QUALITY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should know by now, there’s something about you that’s simply irresistible to Grimm.”

HERE COMES THE PLOT (and a single surviving line so far... this one sentence has survived all the world could throw at it... we stan)

Cinder straightened, and Glynda saw that this was what she’d been waiting for.

“It isn’t every day the great Glynda Goodwitch kneels before her adversary, is it?”

HELLO??????????????????????????? WHATS THIS WORDING????????? honestly tho for a second i thought she meant like. quite literally and i thought id missed some PROPER SHIT RIGHT THERE BUT YEAH WTH!!!!!!! C I N D E R

“You cheated. You can’t beat me on your own.”

yes glynda we gathered that yr a top

“Really, Glynda? Poison?” she sneered, something like offense simmering in her expression. “After all this?”

looks at the camera

anyway,

god im literally losing grasp of words to say because theres such a charged mood in this scene............. theyre brushing fingers............ trading jabs.......... im slurpin it up babey!!!!!!!! this rly is the BEST remaster of this whole scene it DESERVES this wordcount!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Beat you,” Cinder corrected. “And call it a point of pride.”

yes cinder we gathered yr a brat,

this dynamic is why this fic is so fuckign good when will winter have a swift return to add even more fuckery to this wild ride

Then, with a heavy-lidded look, Cinder found Glynda’s hand between them, the touch so sudden and daring that Glynda flinched. The fabric of those gloves was smooth against Glynda’s flesh, and for all that cruelty had marked every other instance of contact between them, Cinder was surprisingly gentle.

whomp there go my nuts

WHAT IS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO MADE THE EXECUTIVE CHOICE TO ADD THIS LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO???????????? im losing my BRAINCELLS

What she wasn’t ready for was for Cinder to guide her hand to her own throat and hold it there.

THERE IS IT THERE’S THE KINK IT’S BEEN SPOTTED

oh my GOD what even IS THIS WHO ADDED THIS SECTION WHO ALLOWED THIS TO COME TO P A S S WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO????????? HEWWO??????????

Now… Now Cinder interested her.

tbh how can i liveblog this? what commentary can i POSSIBLY add that we arent already all THINKING. we just launched into a level of hell so deep that lucifers gonna have to pull some goddamn tricks to follow us down here!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS THIS SCENE! THIS MOMENT! IM SCREAMING

Glynda mirrored the expression back at him, and finally, he coughed, not making strong eye contact with either of them. He set their plate before them and hurried out without so much as a check-in.

i just KNEW that was gonna happen JHGDSFGJHKSDF he was gonna walk in on SMTHNG but i didnt think itd be CINDER’S CHOKING KINK,

okay i took a break and ate my weight in roast chicken and we’re back babey

Almost nervously, her fingers carded through her own dark hair, and there, among the locks, Glynda spotted a glimpse of something white, structured and ridged.

AND I AM INSTANTLY KNOCKED BACK UPON MY ASS 👈W👈H😨A👈T👈

It was easier to ignore the rest of it—whatever it was.

glynda you are a fool and a moron im withering into DUST

On no level had she expected those to be Glynda’s words.

then what... did she expect... well probably -- and rightly so -- ‘bitch WHAT ARE THOSE’ TBH

wait sorry i have to jump back because i forgot customary fingerguns on the most brazen bit of Shit yet:

Cinder was occupying herself with something else: the head of a dragon, perched over the door and staring down at the two of them with red, glossy eyes.

👈👈👈😎👈👈👈

okay BACK TO THE FIC

Fangs snapped together around the word.

aka back to me horni

/chanting TEETH! TEETH! TE

okay but the reason i doubled back to catch that fingergun is because we’re getting ass-deep into plot now!!!!!!!!!!! WITCHES AND DRAGONS BABEY......... HERE’S WHAT OFFAL HUNT IS ALL ABT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant rly drop more fingerguns than that because any astute reader will start realising the dots im shouting abt and honestly half the fun of this fic is the ride so >:3c

“Funny. I was sure he would have told you.”

that blow was so low i think cinder hit the concrete with that one

oh god theyre gonna get to the bit and i-

“Is that what all of this has been about? You called me here to remind me that I'm autistic?”

/SCREAMS

The words were delivered firmly, calmly, but Cinder’s response was the opposite, sudden upheaval seizing her. Her expression opened in something akin to panic. “Wh—no? What? No! That's not what I—”

/SCREAMS

oh my GOD CINDER YOU HAVE FUCKED UP LEGENDARILY!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD SHE WAS FELL ASS-FIRST ONTO A LANDMINE OH MY GOD

offal hunt v1 cinder: im totally in control and im playing glynda every step of the way

offal hunt v2 cinder: OH JESUS OH FUCK OH NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT-

Cinder seemed genuinely stressed now, speaking quicker as though trying to bury the last sixty seconds.

i knew this remaster would have sections that would blow me away but this bit really took the fcuking cake DGHSJFSJHFDG holy SHIT this is AMAZING

It was difficult to tell in the low light, but if Glynda wasn't mistaken, there was a bright flush of embarrassment coloring Cinder’s cheeks.

this is SUCH prime content hey remember in one of the early liveblogs that cinder would descend into full dork? WELL THE DESCENT CAME EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /pops bottles

“Cinder.” There was a very real line of threat in Glynda’s tone. “Don’t.”

oh this whole scene just keeps getting better i am LOVING this dynamic now!!!!!!! before it was all pretty one-sided so having the conversation rock back and forth is 👌👌👌

That Witch soul of yours—it was designed to void out everything but the prey before you. To be numb to all human emotion. To focus on the hunt and nothing else.

finally the fruit of 50% of my fingerguns COMES TO LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! PLOT PLOT PLOT

“This is bullshit.” Jabbing an accusing finger at Cinder, Glynda said, “You’re a liar. You’re a criminal!”

i LOVE glyndas pottymouth in this its such a good like... change from her being strict and formal and teachery and now shes full on gremlin huntress hell YES BABY!!!!!!!!!! GO OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“There’s all kinds of things I bet he never told you.” Cinder continued. “Did you know he was close to your predecessor? The Witch who came before you—they were inseparable.”

SRY IM LIKE STRUGGLIN TO COMMENTATE because so much of this like. speaking as an Old-Ass Reader this is like. a LOT! A LOT HAS CHANGED and yet,,,, stayed the same,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, yall kids WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL CHAPTER LIKE................ 15 FOR THIS SHIT (but like. chapter 15 was different because this chapter used to be like chapter 7? so now everythings moved along so chapter 15 doesnt sound that impressive but trust me it was a different fic back then)

When they fell away, burnt and ruined, she could see Cinder’s bare arms for the first time. The red lines drawn across her skin sloped down the entire length of her arms, circling her elbows, carved into her wrists. They ended right at her hands, ensuring any long-sleeved garment would hide them. Every covered inch of her was filled like a canvas, like abstract art.

lets pause the fight scene for glynda to be gay!!!!! god im. okay look i said this earlier but im so glad we have more cinder like this tbh. the first version was rly lacking w/ cinder content until late-game when the plot sorta. got itself going? but now we’re eye-deep in this content i LOVE cinder i love this WEIRDO who is a HUGE LOSER and IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Glynda could not dispel the fear that she had been telling the truth.

and after committing Some Amount In Damages, we’re at the end of the chapter!

okay so i really enjoyed this version SO MUCH MORE. everything abt it was polished and worked together so much better and it really needed the space to breathe in its own chapter. its been horny, gay, intense, hilarious, and way more in one chapter and its SO good this really is PEAK offal hunt!!!!!!!!!!!! good job diesel and kc but im still going to murder you both,

#rwby #offal hunt #liveblog

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marsixm · 6 years ago

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edit sorry this post is both long (if the readmore fails i am truly truly sorry) & longwinded im just reflecting and thinking; (another edit: u can probably just read the tl dr and get it)

anyway allow me to spin some very personally based theory here for a mo while i put off/warm my fingers up from the cold in preparation to email my therapist

so growing up i had, i think only, het ships, but i never quite had the ones you were (narratively speaking) “supposed to” have

in most media i recall when i was a kid, there were like, 2 diff structures of character romance plot arcs in media i consumed, there was the main lead and 2 best friends model, where thered be the star of the show who had outside romantic leads and the 2 best friends (who were always a boy and a girl) would have their secondary romance, OR there were ensemble shows where there was a more clear romance set up between the main boy and main girl, then side characters whod pair off in whatever ways ended up happening. in the first, see: hannah montana, the second, see: zoey 101. obv this isnt a hard rule and there were loads of exceptions but like, lets just say i tended not to care for the romances set up for the main girls in the trio models, or quite as hard for the main boy and girl in the ensembles, and in general if there was an obvious romance between two leads i either didnt care or outright hated it

basically i never liked the ships they set up for us in straight media, as a kid (namely, a girl) i liked being that “ew pink!” “i hate valentines day” sort of contrarian, but what i remember actually disliking was the predictability of it, because i clearly still shipped characters, so it wasnt /really/ that i hated romance, per se

looking back on it i think it was probably or at least to a degree more like that i hated the hetero expectation of it- i can nit pick down to more specific examples of why i disliked the main pairings (kataang, for example, i thought was weird bc katara acted like a mother/older sister figure to aang, and i didnt feel like there was romance between them at all except where it felt shoehorned in) - maybe it was also that i thought it made more sense for a main character to be with someone they clearly already spent a lot of time with and not some random new hot boy in town (i very distinctly remember shipping miley and oliver on hannah montana, and i believe that was the first time i ever read fanfiction @ age like... 11 lol) as is often the case w like these things.

theres another level to this though, which is that i notice i tended to ship characters who were more vaguely similar to each other, like, physically (ie, similar heights, or hair colors mainly) obviously this is funny now since my main pairing is johnlock which is such a physically different ship we can construct them from basic shapes and colors and theyre still recognizable as who they are, but i have some thoughts about this- but i think there might be two interesting things about this again in retrospect

first of all, this sounds silly ik, but shipping the vaguely similar ones as a child’s way of queering heterosexuality is an interesting concept and not that difficult, like, two boys are also vaguely similar to each other in a similar way a boy and a girl with the same hair color and height might be, which is something i thought of a while ago

the other way in which this is really interesting to me now, that i think might have been more actually pertinent to myself as a trans child, is that i think i shipped the characters i did in an attempt to morph the concept of boy and girl? to find the boy counterpart to every girl??? that second one makes more sense actually. anyway, i digress

2 start off i definitely had gender feelings starting from a very young age so i think these observations ring more true than just reflections, PERHAPS

so the first thing i remember shipping, ie wanting them to be together, thinking about it an inordinate amount of time outside watching the films, even imagining them eating ice cream together in their pjs (i was NINE DHFJGghfkg) was jack sparrow & elizabeth swan from potc (basically my franchise of choice as a kid bc i never read harry potter) now this doesnt quite fit the “visually similar” thing bc actually orlando bloom looks more like kiera knightly and is prob due to them like making out in one movie, but i think this works for the “shipping as gender expression” theory, because elizabeth swan dressed up as a boy, spent most of that movie wearing boy’s clothes, etc- meanwhile jack was a wacky pirate which like hello duh i’d want to be. so i wonder if beyond the fact that they kissed and flirted, there was something to this concept of me wanting two characters to be together, meant i wanted to marry together two conceptual things happening with two characters, or absorb the cool dude and the boyish girl characters into each other to make one whole archetype for myself? i likewise shipped aang and toph (toph who, normally doesnt really have anyone to be shipped with, since she likes sokka but he has a gf) who we all know is the VERY boyish girl character, so boyish im p sure her actually being a trans dude later in life is a p decently accepted headcanon (i dont actually delve into aatla fandom though so i can only hope)

another thing about this ship thing, is most of my ships had brown hair (like miley and oliver), just like i always have, and in certain cases the girl character would look a LOT like me (i also shipped logan and quinn on zoey 101, which to my surprise n delight actually came true later (although looking back im like... 11 yr old me is glad they made out a lot but adult me is like uhhh why were the kids on this show making out a lot? anyway thats another issue) and i def was a weirdo girl with glasses and long brown wavy hair) which sort of further fuels my feeling that this was an attempt by my brain to do 1 of 2 things, if my own involvement really was a greater motivating factor in this thing, 1. ship MYSELF with a boy (which is like def possible for my gay kinnie ass, but not quite my thesis here) or 2. morph these boy and girl counterparts by imagining them together, seeing them together, etc

for example, i realize now, when i was a kid i drew an avatar sona for myself and said sona looked an awful lot like how id imagine a katara/zuko fusion would be, and the fact that i shipped zutara (very hard lol) was what lead me down this thought path rn

i feel like even to me this concept sounds weird and far fetched but like, gem fusion made enough sense for someone to write with its clearly, usually, romantic implications and we all “get” that, so whom knows???

another thing ive noticed while writing this is for a good few of these ships you can argue the boys in them can be read gay, like jack sparrow and zuko and aang, which feels even more strongly like me trying to marry my gay boy feelings to my tomboy realities [thinking emoji]

the biggest reason i think this makes sense to me is because when i was 10 i became obsessed with the idea that this boy i was friends with and i were secretly twins separated at birth, like i was so into the concept that we looked alike, i like hoped and wished so hard for it to be true, i wished a christmas miracle would happen for fucking real and a magic door in my house would open and be his new room and itd all work out perfectly! and you might think this was a manifestation of my difficulties with my family and wishing to leave it, but in my dream world my parents were still my parents and he came to live with us- which makes me think the obsession of ME looking like this BOY was a manifestation of my gender feelings, which i think can maybe be traced to this concept of pairing a visually similar, possibly gay, brunette boy to every brunette and/or tomboyish girl

anyway. if you actually read all of this id love it if you lmk somehow (doesnt need to be a like) like this is clearly very long and strange but i hope it makes sense. i think i stop myself a lot from ever commenting on gender or theory or whatever but i am a living breathing trans person who has experienced things and i have opinions and i dont think im claiming anything destructive with this lol i think its not unusual to reflect on the way you interacted with the world as a gay/trans kid

also im obviously not saying that shipping straight things is somehow inherently queer, im not trying to retroactively claim something about straight ships, like, those two characters are still functionally straight, and i definitely also shipped probably all of them for normal shipping reasons (although, kid ones, so less “oh theres a lot of ACTUAL romantic subtext between these two” but rather “oh theyre friends and would be cute together!” (or like they kissed and i was like O: )) but im just trying to theorize about something its possible my tiny trans brain was trying to express- and who knows maybe im not the only one!

anyway i guess the TL;DR is: when i was a kid i had a lot of “unconventional” straight ships- i already observed that i eschewed the main canon pairings in kids media in what was probably my tiny baby brains rejection of hetero culture, but i also actively shipped side characters who looked like me, and also looked like each other (ie, both tall and brunette, a boy and girl counterpart of Each Other) OR characters who seemed to be a gayish boy and a tomboyish girl, and im theorizing that maybe the reason that was was my tiny trans brain wanting to gem fusion those two together because of my Gender Feelings and fuse the boy with the girl and this desire manifested in shipping therefore thinking about a lot these pairings of boy and girl counterparts

#please dont be weird about this post i hope its like understandable what im trying to think about here?#like i dont think its that weird to consider nor am i claiming anything bad or destructive about ppls lives n genders n whatever #purely an observation about myself and the way i consumed media ages like 8-12 #in reflection as a gay/trans adult and thinking about what those things might have potentially been expressing or something #i dont know any official queer theory stuff n i dont think that should stop me from thinking my own thoughts so here u go #also i am TRULY sorry if this readmore doesnt work

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thisselflovecamebacktome · 6 years ago

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Kurt felt his feet scraping across the ground as he forced himself down the hallway. The last few weeks had left him feeling so small. Dave and Santana being outted, Dave’s suicide attempt, losing out on both class presidency and the main role in A West Side Story; every bit of life seemed to be weighing him down recently. And then there was Blaine.

Ever since Blaine had enrolled at McKinley, the two of them seemed to be parting ways more as each day went past. Of course Sebastian’s arrival hadn’t helped the situation, but deep down Kurt knew those same issues had been festering for a while. At times, Kurt found himself wondering if he was mismatched with Blaine; if Blaine would be happier with someone like Sebastian, someone more… spontaneous. Or at least someone who would answer his calls. Since that night, the sheer sound of Blaine’s voice was off-putting to Kurt. All that would come to mind was his hands spreading out and grabbing at Kurt, taking as much as he could like a kid with a candy bowl. The memory left a bad taste in Kurt’s mouth; almost as bad as remembering he had apologised for rejecting Blaine’s advances. At the time, Kurt had convinced himself that Blaine was right, that he had just been spoiling the fun, but the bad taste remained nonetheless.

The one positive that had come out of the last few weeks was that the New Directions had reunited. To the surprise of everybody, Rachel had suggested giving others a chance to sing at Nationals, as long as she got her solo of course. It did mean, however, that all choreography the group had begun to work on prior to the girls coming back now had to be changed. And with Rachel’s two left feet and Tina’s quieter nature, Kurt was called in by Quinn to help choreograph and teach the new routine.

On better days, Kurt didn’t mind helping out. Today was not one of those days. After the hypocritical mess Blaine pulled singing It’s Not Right But It’s Okay, Kurt was in no mood to see the glee club. Regardless, both Rachel and Quinn had insisted that with Nationals coming up, every chance they can get to practice had to be used.

As he entered the room, Kurt could all but feel the atmosphere change. Quiet whispers stopped as Finn stood up. Giving signal to the others, Kurt watched as they followed him, each one of them approaching him as Puck closed the door.

“Why are you all acting like you’re about to give an interve… oh my god, this is an intervention, isn’t it? Look I know Blaine gave a messed up image of us but it’s not going to affect the tea…”

“We just want to talk,” Finn interrupted, gesturing Kurt a seat.

Kurt bit his lip before shuffling his feet over to the seat. The awkward silence continued. Filled with uncertainty, Finn’s eyes shuffled between the boys’ and Rachel’s before she sighed and spoke up.

“What’s going on with you Kurt?”

The others scolded the brunette’s bluntness before being reminded that no one else was willing to ask. As they begun to quarrel, Quinn shut them down.

“What Rachel meant was is everything okay? You’ve had a tough year, not to mention everything you’re still dealing with from last year and we just wanted to check in. If our conversation after Karofsky taught me anything, it’s that none of us should assume that people are coping when they’re in strife.”

“I’m fine.”

The words sped out of Kurt’s mouth like a horse belting toward the finish line. Kurt could feel how untrue the statement was as he spoke the words, yet he still found himself faking a smile in hopes to convince the others. It didn’t work. As he looked over at Mercedes, her disappointment hit him, forcing him to look at the ground.

“Honey,” she started, “the truth is you haven’t been yourself for a long time now. And it’s clear that Blaine going behind your back for the West Side Story role has made things worse, especially after his performance today. We got to hear his side, now it’s only fair we hear yours.”

Kurt stuttered for a moment before falling silent. His head went back and forth arguing over what to say next. On one hand, this was his relationship. It wasn’t any concern, or business for that matter, of the others. Not to mention Blaine was already upset with him, why make things worse? But at the same time, they were his friends and they were there trying to help. Even Santana and Puck had shown up. Regardless, Kurt couldn’t find the words.

“It’s nothing, I’ll fix things up with Blaine later on,” He lied before sighing, “Thank you though Mercedes, for setting this up.”

“It wasn’t me,” Mercedes smiled, looking over at Finn.

Kurt blinked before staring at Finn.

“I’m your brother Kurt. I’m worried about you. Nothing you say is going to change that. I, I just couldn’t find the words to say that, so I called in these guys.”

Silence filled the room again. Kurt find his eyes shuffling back to the ground. Mike moved next to Kurt, placing his hand on Kurt’s shoulder and assuring him it’d be alright.

“You’re wrong about the show being the issue,” Kurt started, “Around the time the role was allocated, Sebastian came into the picture…”

“The jerk from Daltons who was trying to get onto Blaine?” Tina enquired.

“Yeah him,” Kurt muttered, “except it wasn’t just him trying to get Blaine. Blaine was responding and meeting up with him behind my back. The night before the opening day of the show, Sebastian invited us to some bar. Blaine spent the whole night getting drunk and dancing with him until it was time to leave. I got him to the car and he wouldn’t stop touching me. I yelled for him to stop, but he, he just wouldn’t. Eventually I shoved him off and he yelled at me before leaving, but things just haven’t been the same since.”

“That hobbit tried to rape you?” Santana shouted.

Kurt shook his head as he began to stutter. Being barely comprehensible, he started saying it was his fault and how he had apologised the next day. As the eyes of those around him widened, Quinn interrupted.

“You shouldn’t have.”

“Quinn’s right,” Puck jumped in before looking at Quinn in guilt, “It’s not your fault he tried to take advantage of you after knowing you had drunken.”

“Actually, I was the designated driver, so I was sober.” Kurt explained.

“Dude it doesn’t matter,” Finn said, “He doesn’t get to treat you like that.”

Unable to find the words, Kurt fell silent. Deep down he knew Finn was right and that once upon a time, there would be no way Kurt would let himself be treated like this, but things were different now. The realisation of dying alone had plagued his mind. He didn’t expect Finn or Rachel or any of the other straight members to understand. Finding a partner for them was like finding a penny. The opportunity was always there. Hell, even Santana and Brittany didn’t have to worry because they found the love of their lives already. But he hadn’t. The two gay men Kurt knew were Blaine and Karofsky, a boy who physically assaulted him for years. The thought that he may never find love crushed Kurt, but at least Blaine was something.

Before anyone spoke, a phone began to blare. Reaching in his pocket, Kurt noticed the number straight off, leading him to sigh.

“That’s him now,” he started, “I should probably get going.”

The group went to speak out, but Finn just shook his head at them. As Kurt gathered his things and started to walk out of the room, he heard Brittany’s voice come from behind him.

“Don’t forget we love you Kurt.”

Closing the door behind him, Kurt walked away. Once out of the building, he looked down at his phone, sighing as he pressed the number of the missed call. Before he was able to say anything, a voice cut in.

“Where are you Kurt? I called your dad when you didn’t answer and he said Finn told him you were at a glee meeting which clearly isn’t where you are. Are you with Chandler? Is that why you refused to answer my calls? I knew Finn was threatened by my talent but to help you do this is next level petty and you dragging him into it is just as bad.”

The voice continued rambling, cutting Kurt off as he tried to answer. Moments of incoherent rambling passed, lowering Kurt’s patience until all at once, it disappeared.

“Blaine, stop,” Kurt started, “I’m not with Chandler. The fact that you think so little of me as to not only accuse me of that but bring the glee club into it with your performance today shows just what you think of me.”

Stutters from the other end of the phone fell silent as Kurt pushed the red button. Stopping in his tracks, Kurt felt a sigh leave his chest. Confusion and guilt begun to set in as Kurt realised that despite his frustration, the sigh had been in relief, not despair. As the phone in his hand begun to vibrate again, he found himself clenching harder as he walked away. After minutes of nonstop ringing, Kurt hung up one final time before clicking the messaging button.

‘I’m sorry okay. Just give me time.’

Disgust hit Kurt as he pressed send. He continued walking as he thought about how things had gotten so bad between him and Blaine that the person he could tell everything to had become the person he felt he had to lie most to. The phone continued to buzz as several messages came through. With his patience falling, Kurt placed his phone in his bag, making sure to do so in a way where it would not noticeably vibrate off anything else.

As he reached his house, Kurt went straight into his bedroom, closing the door and grabbing out his phone. Upon seeing the endless stream of messages, Kurt ran his fingers through his hair, grasping then slightly yanking at it. His fingers began typing at the phone before deleting and typing again for several minutes before stopping and deleting it once more. He typed one final message.

‘We need to talk to someone Blaine. Meet me in Emma’s office tomorrow.’

Before Blaine could respond, Kurt heard his door twist. Placing the phone back in his bag, Kurt stood up. The door opened, leading Kurt to relax.

“Don’t come in unexpectedly Finn. You startled me.”

Finn stared at Kurt in silence for a moment before speaking.

“I just wanted to check that we’re cool after what happened. Look, I know I should have spoken to you privately before bringing in the others like that. I just didn’t know what to say. I think you need to tell Burt and my mum though, you know, about what Blaine did.”

Kurt felt his throat tighten with each word that came out of Finn’s mouth. His eyes began scanning the room, looking for anything else to talk about. Maybe an unclean surface to attend to or homework to do. But nothing came to mind. With an awkward expression on his face, Kurt looked back at Finn.

“We can’t tell dad. You heard about what he did to Karofsky and that was just some bully. Blaine’s my partner. He’d put him in hospital.”

“Maybe he should.”

Finn’s words came off louder and more abrasive than he had meant them, causing Kurt to flinch. In response, Kurt let out a sigh whilst saying Finn’s name. Another silence came over the room before Finn spoke.

“Kurt, we’ve gotta tell someone who can help you.”

“I don’t need help Finn. I’m fine.” Kurt lied.

“So you’d still be calling it fine if I did that to Rachel then? Or what about if Sam did it to Mercedes? Because that definitely wasn’t the case when you were telling me that what happened to Quinn was Puck’s fault and his alone.”

“Blaine didn’t get me drunk Finn. Plus, after what happened with Puck and Quinn, I know you’d never do that to Rachel, nor would the other guys with their girlfriends.”

“We never thought Blaine would do that to you Kurt.”

Finn’s words hit hard. Kurt tried to find words, but none came to him. Silence began to consume the room only to be broken by the vibrating sound coming from Kurt’s bag. Nothing was said, but the sympathetic look in Finn’s eyes made Kurt just uncomfortable enough to look away. Finn considered reaching out for Kurt’s arm before another vibrating noise from Kurt’s bad stopped him. Instead, he clenched his fist and sighed.

“At least tell mum.”

“You say that as if she wouldn’t just tell my dad.” Kurt said.

“She wouldn’t,” Finn started, “She’s been here before Kurt. I mean not sexually from what I know, but when I was little she had a relationship that really messed her up, the same way Blaine is messing you up right now. She’ll be able to help… Just think about it, yeah?”

With that, Finn walked away. Kurt sat back down on his bed, grabbing out his phone. Blaine had sent several messages stating why they didn’t need Emma involved and how everything was going to be okay. Kurt stared at the final message, a simple ‘I love you’, for several moments before placing the phone face down on the bed. Pulling himself up from the bed, Kurt walked over to the door, checking down the hallways for Finn before closing it. As the door clicked shut, Kurt felt his body slide down to the ground as began to cry.

#this is just a draft for the first part of my anti klaine story because tumblr won't let me send it to people rip

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brainfarts-com · 5 years ago

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I want to get this out of my system. Not like anyone gonna see it, but have been bottling it up for years and not let go of it. My parents know the person but dont know the damage. The only person who knows it was damaging, doesn't know the full story. No one knows but me and it has been eating me away from the inside for 7 years. And still no one else will know it, but ill have it down, giving myself a chanse to get it straight.

I changed schools after the 4th grade. My mom didn't like the teachers there so she brought me to a better school. Which was absolutely fine, I missed my best friend a lot but it was a great school with amazing teachers and classmates. Exept Luca. She was something else. She was strong willed and strong worded. She always got exactly what she wanted. Her parents spoiled and phraised her non stop. And she made that everyone elses problem. On my first day in school, I remember her smiling at me... and the next thing I remember is that I was in her friend group (which meant two other girls). It feels like I completely blacked out a few months. From there it was downhill. When I got there, I was an ambivert at least - loving attention, spending time with people and very much a people pleaser. She used that up against me big time. She lowered my self esteem to zero, made me believe I was average, but at least worse in everything than her. She ordered me around like a puppy. It got to a point that I made fun of myself just to entertain her- because I knew that was what she wated to hear. She made me fear her- but I didn't know why I was afraid of her. Thats what got me out of it. I sometimes tried to ask her to stop, because I did feel uncomfortable and like this isnt normal, but it never worked. She said shed change, but after a month she was the same as ever.

After two and a half years I broke down in tears to my mom and when she asked why am I afraid of her, I realized how unrealistic I was. The next day I didn't go to her. When she was standing behind me, shouting my name, I didn't turn around. I was shaking while she said: "pah, it must be one of her tantrums". I didn't sit with the table they sat in, I asked the girl I admired instead if I can sit with them an her table group was surprised, but nice and let me sit there. The rage on her face... That I could betray her... She asked me what is my problem, I said: I just want space... I was shaking so hard. Ever since in stressful situations and confrontations, I shake uncontrolably. Her answer was not nice, bit the best I could wish for- she didn't want to interact with me anymore.

The faces of other people... some even gratulated me and offered to help. The girl I admired said I could hang with them if id like. Thats when I realized, how nice classmates I have. Before i was separated from them by Luca, who made everyone a bad guy. But now they accepted me, talked with me, joked with me. Even tho I became a lone shark most of the time, but I got a lot of support from them. They probably didn't even notice. But that didn't last too long.

Less than two years and high school started. I had no idea, how to interact with people, so I did the same as before. Lone shark, helping out with school stuff. But now that didn't work well- my new classmates didn't care for me, just to get what they wanted. They even made fun of me, sometimes with talking with me like im an idiot, while I helped them with homework and help them on tests. But I was naive and frankly, I had it worse with Luca, this was way nicer than before, so I didn't think much of it.

A miracle that I got a friend. She was nerdy and she was the butt of the jokes as well, but that wasn't why we became friends. We liked the same youtuber. A few months and we were inseparable. But that didn't magically teach me how to be friends with someone. So I did the same as before- listened and acted the way I thought others would like me to be. That was what Luca trained me to do. That was not my friends fault, but it ruined the friendship. Slowly I became empty with no energy to act. I became snappy and quiet, which made her distance herself from me. Later we talked it out but at that time, it was the worse. I had nothing going on, no stimulus, same thing repeating, smiling to teachers and roommates and that empty feeling inside.

At that point, I was barely alive. For years, I told myself: if I wouldn't have friends and family, I wouldn't be worth living. I did not realize, how fucked up that mindset was. Now I didn't have friends, my days became even blanker and acting became harder. I couldn't laugh at a video I found funny- god, I remember that balloon one, I thought: hah, thats funny, but not a chuckle, not a smile, just the thought. And still, I didn't realize what bad of a shape I was in mentaly. I was suicidal, but not outright, the thought made itself normal in my brain, like it is an everyday thing to think of.

My only chill time became YouTube. I didn't have to act while watching. Than I found undertale there. I knew the story and the characters so well while ive never played the game, but I loved it. Once it recommended a let's play of it to me. The thumbnail was pretty and upon seeing how long the video was, I simply said I'll click away if I get bored.

It hit me like a horse kick. My face showed genuent expression for the first time in years. The sheer energy of it, the thing I lacked for years. Only the intro caught me, the happy guy who said it- I binged the whole series. And than went on a Jse channel binge. It was amazing, it gave me life, it made me want to draw more, it gave me the will and energy to live. Soon his and Mark's videos became the thing I awaited the most in a day.

Now I remember, it was half a year after watching them that I became snappy. Because they were nice and they didn't ask me to be someone else. Sean said in so many videos that "you are worth it", and he said so many encouraging words along with Mark that I started to believe them. The way I went about it later with my friend was not good tho. Neither of us adressed the problem, we just... avoided it.

Months went by. I started to heal a little, but also got too attached to both of them. It was unhealthy, I know, but they were all I had who didn't judge me. This was the time when my relationship with my mom started to go down. I didn't meet her high expectations. I started to stand up for myself and told her I don't want to be a dentist or a psichologist. She only realized i'm serious when I didn't get into any college. I took a year off, but she still tried to push me. No matter how many times I told her, she gently manipulated me into going along. Or so She thought. I went on the exams she wanted me to, but I failed one. I didn't put effort in, because I didn't want the goal. And that finally made her accept that I want to be a kindergarden teacher. To this day im listening to "you could have been blah blah", but I dont care.

In that off time i grew a lot. I found the jse community. I stopped being dependant on their content. I started to heal for real. I slowly built myself an ego and expand myself. The things I should have done years ago, when I was a kid. When I was taken that chanse away.

Luca. She made my life so difficult and I dont think, she knows it. I could bet that she didn't see herself damaging. I bet she still doesn't see that. But... that doesn't change anything. It doesn't give me back my lost time. It doesn't matter. I ended up how I am now because of her. While it was a tough road, there are things that I wouldn't be the same without her. I wouldn't have the community. I wouldn't have the friends I do now. I wouldn't be the same, the me I worked so hard for. Of course, if she wouldn't intervine, itd be easier. Probably, who knows. I think it would be. But moarning on it won't change it. I have set my motto to be "Don't worry about the things you can't change, it only causes you more stress", but I havent applied it to this situation.

It is time to do it. It is time to let go of those bad feelings. Of course thats easier said than done, but I have the power to it. I allow myself the time to do it. She is my past, a past that shaped me but doesn't define me.

It is time to be unapologeticly me

#past #whow #that ended up long #but it feels good #its out #i have put those feelings into words #something more concreete #now #i can move on

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hlvrai-but-im-crying · 4 years ago

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actually the only reason this post was short is cause i was clocking in & now that im in. i will continue

so the premise is that hes a literal ghost in the code, like he was a programmer that died on the job for Whatever reason (i mean. im chronically ill so. realistic i think)

at this point he has next to no specific memories of who he was before he died. he Knows his name, he still remembers how code works bc he still fucks w the code fairly often, and he knows he was a Person who Died. he doesnt explicitly remember that he was a programmer for this game but like. he can figure out it

(by which i mean it never occurs to him until someone points it out as a possibility and then he just. freezes for a second, shrugs, and goes "oh huh. makes sense")

technically he himself doesnt have coding. hes not even meant to be in the game but since he isnt code the game cant delete him.

in fact, the game never notices him. at least not for a long ass time. normal nps cant see, hear, or physically interact with him.

the science team (and benrey) can see and hear him but hes still uninteractable. anything they try to do to him just. phases thru, and vice versa. he appears opaque tho, unless somethings actively phasing thru him.

further, i read this novel when i was 13 and its stuck with me, ive been dying to use this concept in something so: that doesnt only apply to the other characters or objects, if he looses focus or stands still for too long he will start clipping thru the map as well. as a result he paces a Lot. he Doesnt sleep.

(another reference to that novel, which i cant remember the name of but it starts with "ever" i think. (my brain keeps saying everchase but thats the tma thing and it wouldnt make sense) - he only remembers his name bc he starts forgetting so he writes it down. a lot. if u pat him down hes probably still got a few scraps of paper with his name scribbled on it in several of his pockets.)

mm. as far as his actual interactions with canon would go, hes kind of. lost it just a Bit maybe. has a hard time understanding things that r said to him (its easier if its written down), has no conception of "appropriate," and either stutters or says about 3 words at a time. but is overall kind and well intentioned. but also he doesnt blink. he stopped thinking about it ???? a long time ago bc the npcs dont blink so he stopped doing it too.

maybe he was responsible, in fact, for the science team being Weird. mmmaybe he fucked w their code or somethin trying to accomplish anything and it snowballed from there.

also w his programming knowledge hed be happy to help figure out how to get them all free. except he doesnt have a file that can be moved like them. this could provide Angst but i dont really care abt that rn so meh. actually nvm. just a little angst.

he works on them, but slowly. he hopes its not noticably slowly, he hopes no one else involved in this knows enough abt programming to tell what is and isnt too long, but eventually someone asks why its taking so long (hdhsjs probably bubby), and hes a terrible liar. "...dont want you to l. leave" "what the FUCK does that mean, youre coming with us" "mmm. no. cant."

and he then has to figure out how to explain the fact that he doesnt have code, maybe a bit by now, since hes interacting with other characters in the game and their "memories" of him ARE in the code, but not enough to bring his whole self over - he could use what bits of code are associated to him to attempt to make more or less a copy of himself but then it gets into soma territory and we all know how THAT goes.

honestly i want to happy end it but i cant think of how itd work. not that it Matters ofc. every thought i have abt it just goes back to soma

mmm i have approximately “a few” ideas for an hlvrai oc but it’ll never see the light of day fully bc i have no desire or interest in actually doing anything with that asdfasdf.

#dear god help me this is more rhan i thot itd be #long post #id add readmore but im on mobile sorry

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