#i know this is absurdly long im sorry

[monakisu]

lawlight toxic yuri i never posted

[sunieepo]

just blocked someone on here for confidently asserting a western conifer seed bug was actually a stinkbug. buddy they arent even the same shape. get outta here

[motherforthefamicom]

rewatched nyan neko sugar girls w my sister whod never seen it before 2day

[pressureplus]

Not sure if you have done it or if anyone have already requested it.. but I do like to see a headcanons (NSFW?) on the ovipositor of Sebastian. Like if reader finally agrees to let him pregnant them with his eggs. Kinda stuff like how would it feel like during/after breeding? does it will hurt? How long long does it take? How those eggs/babies develop? And how does the giving birth would be and feel like? Anything like that.

Btw, I love your headcanons and oneshots! <3

So glad you asked! I've been dealing with pain lately so Ive needed consistent care. As per usual we are writing, this one just happened to be finished first. Also, thank you for the compliment <3

♡Sebastian Solace Ovipositor Headcannons♡

Warnings: Describing this Non-Erotically, Implied Sex, Oviposition/Ovipositor, AFAB and AMAB Cannons (God Im Sorry), Pregnancy/Birth Vaguely Mentioned, M!Preg Mentioned

◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜ ͜ ◞꒷◟◞꒷◟ ͜ ͜ ◞ྀི◟୨୧◞ྀི◟ ͜

Starting off strong, the moment you agree to have that mans babies he is all over you

Excited, yes, and at the mention of his Ovipositor being put to use he’ll be a little shy but happy to oblige! How can he not be? The idea of having a family almost makes him feel…normal. Happy and normal.

As his tendril is always sheathed, it stays very slick, which makes insertion easier. Despite his absurdly large length (he is well over twice your size) he doesn't need to be all the way inside your body to use said Ovipositor

During the process of actually putting those eggs in your body, it feels…odd. The best way I can describe this is like swallowing those Boba Pearls in drinks? But like…obviously not with your mouth

Doesn't hurt! The eggs arent too large, about an inch in length and diameter, but still not painful! You’d think they would be, right?

This is due to both the slightly muscle relaxant features of said slick, and the flexible nature of his eggs

Despite their size they can easily compress to be smaller if pressure is applied…too much pressure will pop them and make them no longer viable but yes they can get a bit smaller

They're like little jelly balls with a turquoise color

After the fact, you'll really just feel oddly full for the next day or two. These things are decently sticky and almost parasitic in nature so those that are going to continue to develop will be burying themselves into your body

Not a painful process either, by the way

Those that don't end up attaching to anything are not particularly viable as they can't take any of your DNA to make anything. So those really just have to be removed. This can be done decently easily with some pressure applied to your stomach and a bit of pushing

Produces 6-12 eggs on average, but may produce more or less, so you never really know how many actually stuck

The way these eggs develop is rather unnatural to say the least.

If you're AFAB then they'll attempt to fill your uterus much like a normal baby would. They also take as much ‘code’ from your DNA as possible, feeding off your blood for minerals similar to how Anglerfish pairs function

If you're AMAB things get a bit..sticky for you. They'll hollow out their own space inside you, kind of like a very small faux womb. This is NOT painful, but does leave a sort of dull ache like you've just worked out for a while. This small little wound will close behind the eggs as well so they won't be disturbed. They feed off you the same way as they do for those who are AFAB

This pregnancy can last anywhere from 6-9 months depending on how large the batch of eggs is. They do technically ‘share’ their meals so they'll all be ready to hatch at the same time. Think of it like an evolutionary trait for a better chance at survival.

Doesn't entirely feel like pregnancy, you'll feel weaker, bloaty, and maybe a bit sick mostly due to lower mineral/vitamin counts. But as long as you take some kind of supplements or eat healthy you'll be fine

You don't get particularly round or anything either, just a small bump that could easily be passed off as weight gain

On the Plus side for the AFABS, your body does not continue to have its menstrual cycle during these months. They release their own chemicals into your body/bloodstream for a better latch and less chances to be ‘rejected’

As for having these babies? There's conractions/cramping for sure and a bit of blood from where those eggs detach. I wouldn't call them particularly bad contractions, as they're slower and a lot less painful than normal child birth

The body doesn't have to prep as much since they're not normal sized human babies.

If you're AFAB, they'll come out the natural way. If you're AMAB, you're going to need surgery

Surgery is of course an option for both if preferred.

They pop their eggs and are ready to go the second they break, now for the most part the body can just absorb the nutrients in these empty ‘shells’ but they can also be removed. It won't cause additional harm either way

These babies aren't very big when they're taken out

In fact, they're all about palms sized. They're warm to the touch, covered in a bit of blood and whatever liquid is inside those eggs, so they're a bit sticky. But just fine to wipe clean

They’ll be oddly…blue and pale for the first while as they learn to breathe oxygen with their very small lungs. Don't worry, they'll figure it out. They look almost like normal babies aside from this, well, not including those that look more like Sebastian

They’ll develop faster than normal babies as well. Some may even be born with sharp teeth, others will get their set within the first two months.

They're already up and ready to go in about a year or less, as if they're made for survival like wild animals. However this will come at a cost. Your sanity mostly when your 1 year old is chewing through the casings of wires and chair legs.

By the time they're around 5-6 they'll be just a little smaller than the size of a normal human child.

As teenagers getting their growth spurts? Many of your children may end up BIGGER than average humans!

Overall your children will be different, as was the process of having them, but they're still perfectly healthy

[janmisali]

i have one specific nitpick with your /hj video and am interested in your response. around the end u said people should probably just rewrite their sentence if its ambiguous, but that doesnt seem to work sometimes without making it absurdly long...

for instance, i think being weird is good, but some people use it as an insult, so id say something like "youre pretty weird (in a good way!)" or maybe like "youre pretty weird :3"

like im not sure how to rephrase that sentence without adding something on at the end without it being kinda really long, and i dont really wanna send someone a paragraph over something that simple (sorry btw)

anyway take this shit with a grain of salt since im not very good with words

if you're talking to someone who doesn't know you and your beliefs, calling them weird has a very high risk of being perceived as an insult. if you want to avoid that risk, don't call someone who doesn't know you and your beliefs "weird". simply say something else

[watchmegetobsessed]

JUST HOW FAST THE NIGHT CHANGES (part 4)

A/N: surprise update!! i was able to sneak some writing in today at work and i didn't want to hold onto the part once it was finished, so now im posting it before going to bed hehe but anyways, enjoy!

WARNING: discussion about miscarriage

PAIRING: Harry x High-School-Best-Friend!Reader

WORD COUNT: 3.3k

SERIES MASTERPOST | SUPPORT ME!

You never really had any trouble paying attention at meetings, but today it feels like torture to listen to your group leader tell about an upcoming project. Normally you’d be taking notes, but now your document is awfully empty in front of you, almost mocking you for being a mess.

It’s been your constant state since dinner at Harry’s.

It totally flipped your world upside down and you haven’t been able to stop thinking about it every waking moment.  You still have no clue what’s gotten into you to tell him about Drew and everything that happened, you hate talking about it, but with Harry it felt kind of… natural to open up. He gave just the type of comfort you’ve been seeking for a long time and you’d have never guessed it would be him to make you feel this way. 

And when he pulled out the beads from his wallet? You were absurdly close to start sobbing again. 

How are you supposed to go on from this point? Where are you even heading? Harry came back to your life kind of abruptly and judging from his invitation he is planning to stay this time. You have your fears and doubts about him still, you know you shouldn’t just jump right into this new situation so easily, but… part of you is desperate to be selfish and do what feels the best. 

“Y/N?” your team leader’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts and as you look up from the screen you notice that almost everyone has left the room.

“Oh, s-sorry… I got distracted a bit,” you mumble, shutting your laptop and gathering your things.

“Is everything alright?” Nadine approaches you with genuine worry in her eyes.

She might be your boss, but she’s been more like a friend. She knows what you went through and instead of adding to your plate for not being able to do as much work in the tougher times, she was right there to help you through it, giving you all the tools to keep you going and keep your job as well. You’re eternally grateful for that.

“Yeah, I’m just… a bit all over the place,” you huff out a chuckle.

“If you need a few extra days off, just let me know, we can try to make it work.”

“No, I’m fine, really,” you assure her. “Just had an overwhelming weekend, is all.”

“Alright, let me know if you need anything.”

“Sure, will do. Thank you,” you smile at her before heading towards the door, but before walking out, you stop and turn back. “Just theoretically, if I were to work fully remotely for a bit, like a few weeks, would that be okay?”

She looks up from her notes and nods.

“Of course. You know you have the chance to work from home as much as you want still.”

“Thanks.”

It came out of the blue, how you asked about full remote work. Harry’s invitation has been itching your brain since Friday and it seems like you’re starting to get familiar with the thought of it.

You spend the rest of the day tucked away in your little corner cubicle, trying your best to focus on work. Your stomach growls violently when you finally stand up from your desk and get ready to leave. Your mouth waters when you think about dropping by your favorite sandwich place on your way home, but for some reason you’re not a fan of having dinner alone tonight. 

And before you could even think about it, you’re texting Harry.

Y/N: Do you have plans tonight?

By the time you pack your stuff and head out of the building you already have a reply to your text.

HARRY: Nothing in particular, but I feel like it’s about to change. :) 

Y/N: Want to grab dinner with me?

HARRY: Absolutely, I’m on my way.

Y/N: I haven’t even said where.

HARRY: Doesn’t matter, I’m on my way.

You laugh at his text as you shoot him the address to the sandwich place before you’re off on your way as well.

Harry has a skip in his step as he rounds the corner from the parking lot. He actually had plans for the afternoon, some work he needed to take care of but there was no doubt he would trade it to have some time with you. 

The sandwich place you invited him out to seems small, not too crowded or popular, but if you like it he knows he will too. You’re already by the front door when he arrives, approaching you with a goofy smile. 

“For a moment I thought you weren’t coming,” you chuckle, as he greets you with a warm hug.

“Of course I came, I would have been stupid not to,” he simply answers and you ignore how your heart just skipped a beat.

He smiles when the guy behind the counter greets and calls you by your name. You order your usual as always and Harry chooses the Very Veggie one before the two of you take a booth in the corner, tucked away from prying eyes. 

“Okay, oh my God, this is very good, now I understand why it’s your favorite place!” He moans with his mouth full right after the first bite of his sandwich.

“You had doubts? I’m offended!” you gasp dramatically, to which he just grins. 

The conversation almost picks up from where you left it off last time. Even though you’re out in the public this time, he is able to bring the same kind of comfort that held you at his place. It’s a lot lighter, the heavy stuff is off the table, but it still feels just as important. 

“So did you think about coming to Palm Springs?” he asks with a smirk as he wipes his mouth with a napkin.

“Mm, I did,” you shortly answer.

“And? What do you think?”

“Why do you want me there so badly?” you ask with a sigh, though a smile is playing on your lips. 

“Because I want to see you on my birthday,” he simply answers with an innocent shrug. 

“You survived your last ten birthdays without me.”

This could have sounded offended, but it’s not the case, you’re cheeky and it was just some teasing, luckily Harry could tell too so he doesn’t take it to his heart.

“And it was so horrible!” he gasps dramatically, making you laugh. “All my favorite birthdays are the ones I spent with you!”

“So you haven’t had a good birthday in a decade? Poor thing!” you play along.

“See? You can’t let me have another bad birthday!” He even pouts his lips at you, giving you the puppy eyes which just makes you laugh again as you shake your head in disbelief. It’s good to see that he is just as persistent as he was before. 

He doesn’t want to push you too much, doesn’t want you to feel like you can’t say no, so he is ready to drop the topic when you surprise him.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” he asks, eyes widening. “W-what do you mean okay?”

“I’ll go to Palm Springs with you.”

It takes a couple of moments for him to register what you just agreed to, but when it finally sinks in he can’t control his happiness. 

“Yes! Fuck yes!” he throws his hands up into the air, as if he just won the lottery. There are only two other people in the shop, they give him a weirded out look, but he ignores them all, eyes glued to you over the table. “Okay, I’ll take care of everything, you don’t have to worry about anything, it’s gonna be so good!”

“I have to move a few things around at work though, so it’s not entirely certain, alright?”

“Sure, let me know if you need help with anything. I’ll send you over everything about the traveling and all, okay?”

“Okay,” you chuckle lightly, touched by the enthusiasm he is showing you. 

You stay a little longer before heading home, Harry insists on dropping you off and secretly he also wants to know where you live. It’s a simple neighborhood with similar townhouses lining the street, he can totally picture you walking around, coming home from work or going grocery shopping. 

“So when can I see you again?” he asks, parking down in front of your place. 

“Why are you always asking me this?” you chuckle.

“Because I want to see you,” he admits without shame, completely oblivious to what it does to you.

You can’t deny the romantic feelings you have for Harry, maybe it’s what’s left from the past, maybe it’s something entirely new. It doesn’t matter. It’s something you haven’t experienced in a long time and because of what happened to you not long ago, you’re not entirely sure what to make of it. 

“I’ll call you. Or you can call me too,” you smile shyly before leaning over the console and giving him a little awkward side hug before getting out of the car. 

He watches you jump up the stairs and open the front door, turning back you wave at him one last time before walking in and shutting the door behind you. He drives away with a lovesick sigh.

Since last time it was you who invited him out, he thinks it’s his job to take the next step. And he’ll gladly do it. 

He’s been thinking and planning what to do next, dinner, museum, casual hangout, he’s thought of it all by the point Friday rolls around again and he knows he needs to up his game and not waste any more time. So Friday morning he texts you.

HARRY: Hey! Do you want to watch a movie tonight? We can order food and everything.

He doesn’t expect an immediate reply from you, he goes on with his day as usual, but keeps checking his phone, only to see no message from you. When lunch time rolls around he starts to worry. He doesn’t want to be a bother, maybe you just have too much work to do, but he still wants to know you’re alright.

So against the anxious voice in his head, he calls you sometime in the afternoon when it’s been way too long since his text.

The line rings and rings, he starts to think he will not get an answer, but at last you pick up.

“Yeah?” Your voice is weak, kind of sleepy and might be even pained, he can’t tell just from this one little word. 

“Hey, it’s… it’s me, Harry,” he starts, unsure if you even know he is the caller. “Is everything alright? Did you see my text?”

He doesn’t want to be pushy, but he can’t rid himself of the worry that’s crawling up his spine as there’s a long pause on the other end of the line. 

“Um, I saw it. I just… don’t think I can do it tonight.”

“Are you alright? Not to be rude or anything, but you sound… kind of sick?”

“I’m not sick, I… I can’t tonight, I’m sorry.”

Now he is on full alert mode, he knows something is off and he can’t just let it go.

“Do you need help with anything? I can do grocery shopping or I could just cook for you, anything, Y/N, just let me know.”

There’s silence on your end again, until he hears you sniffling and he knows he won’t be able to keep himself out of whatever it is.

“Can you come over?” you then ask, your voice barely more than just a whisper.

“I’m on my way, do you want me to bring anything?”

“No, just…”

“It’s okay, I’m on my way, Y/N.”

“Okay, thank you.”

Harry runs a few red lights probably and gets to your place in record time. You texted him earlier that you’d leave the front door open, so he pushes it in without hesitation and walks into your home, frantically looking for you.

“Y/N? It’s me, Harry!” he calls out not to scare you. 

“Here!” you answer weakly and he starts running in the direction of your voice, finding himself in your tiny kitchen. 

He would never tell you this, but you look like crap. It’s obvious you’re not feeling well, your hair is a mess, your face is paler than usual, a fluffy blanket draped around your shoulders as you’re holding a heating pad, that you must have just filled with warm water. It instantly clicks what the matter is.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he softly asks as he approaches you, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“Like shit,” you mumble under your breath.

“Are you hurting more than usual, or…?”

“It’s… it was always bad painwise, but… since my miscarriage it’s really hard mentally too,” you admit, refusing to look up from the tiled floor.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed. I’ll make you some tea, okay?” 

You nod and he keeps a hand on your back as he walks you back to your bedroom, lifting the covers so you can climb in, curl up and then he tucks you in as you hold the heating pad to your stomach.

He shuffles back to the kitchen without a word, starts the kettle as he searches through your cabinets to see if he can make you something to eat. 

“Here. Do you need some medicine maybe?” he asks, playing the mug on your nightstand.

“Already took some.”

“Alright. Try to sleep, okay? I’ll stay, let me know if you need anything.”

You fall asleep listening to Harry moving around outside your bedroom. You don’t even have the energy to worry about him seeing your messy home. 

You have no idea how late it is when you wake up, but it’s dark outside. Your cramps are gone,the heating pad has cooled down and your mouth is ridiculously dry. The door is left ajar and some dim light is coming through the crack, illuminating the mug you remember Harry left on your night stand, the once hot tea is not room temperature, but you chug it down eagerly before getting out of bed.

First you go to the bathroom and then you start looking for Harry, finding him on the couch in the living room, the TV is on, but the volume is so down, it’s almost on mute. It seems like he is right about to dose off, you almost turn around and let him sleep, but then the floor creaks under your feet and his head snaps up.

“Hey! You’re up,” he softly says, sitting up straight as you join him on the couch.

“Yeah. What time is it?” you ask, rubbing your eyes as he checks his phone.

“It’s half past ten. You slept for like, four hours.”

“Ah fuck,” you exhale, pulling your legs up as you lean against the back of the couch, facing Harry. “You’ve been here all along?”

“Yeah, I made some soup for you, cleaned the kitchen up and I fixed the tap, it was leaking. I’ve been just watching TV for the past hour.”

“Wait, you fixed the tap?” you ask, eyes going wide. 

“Yeah.”

“Y-you didn’t have to do that.”

“Y/N, it’s fine, don’t worry about it. How are you feeling?”

“Better. I’m sorry you got stuck here while I was sleeping.”

“I wasn’t stuck,” he shakes his head. “And I’m always happy to spend time with you. Even when you’re not awake,” he adds with a chuckle. 

“Thank you. It’s good to see your heart is still the same.”

“I try to keep it at the right place,” he smirks and thinks how part of it is with you, so it will always be at the best place possible. 

“You don’t have to stay, I’ll be fine,” you say, your head resting on the back of the couch.

“Do you want me to stay?” You hold a short pause before nodding shyly. “Then I’ll stay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Can’t be more sure. So, what are we doing? Want to watch a movie?”

“That would be great.”

You start some random movie on Netflix and as time passes by you migrate closer to each other until your head is resting on his shoulder and he has an arm around your curled up frame. You happily bask in the comfort he radiates, it makes you forget about the crisis you went through just hours ago.

It has happened before. This time of the months has been rough on you, a reminder of what you lost so it’s not only painful physically, but it takes a toll on you mentally as well. The past couple of months you spent the first two days curled up in a ball, crying your eyes out until you were able to function again. 

With Harry by your side the pain has faded faster than ever, his presence created just the right amount of distraction for you to move past this hard point quickly. 

When the movie ends you start another one, but you talk over that mostly, it becomes just background noise. You have no idea when, but at one point you fall back asleep. When you wake the next time the TV is still on, Netflix is trying to recommend you shows to start watching so the movie has ended a long time ago. Beside you Harry is snoring lightly, his head tipped back, lips open slightly.

However creepy it is, but you give yourself a minute to just stare at him. You haven’t been able to take a good look at him without meeting his curious gaze.

You see so much of his old, teenage self, but they are laced with maturity and change as well. His sharp jawline is impressive compared to the round cheeks he had as a young boy. His bone structure is a lot more defined, manlier, but you recognize his old self in the slope of his nose, the way his eyelashes curl against his cheeks and his lips are the same shade of pink still.

It slowly dawns upon you how fast things have changed and now you have him back in your life when just weeks ago you weren’t even talking.

But you wouldn’t have it any other way, you realize. You have such a strong connection with him, one you haven’t experienced with anyone else, not even with Drew.

Harry stirs in his sleep and a few seconds later he blinks his eyes open, trying to process what’s happening around him.

“Hey,” you smile at him softly.

“Hey. We fell asleep?” He clears his throat.

“Yeah.”

“What time is it?”

“Late,” you answer simply. 

“Give me a minute and I’ll get going, I promise,” he sighs, closing his eyes again.

“Or you could just stay,” you suggest, surprising even yourself with the offer. 

He blinks open one eye, then the other, as if he was waiting for you to take it back, but you’re not planning to.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. Come on. My bed is comfier than this couch,” you chuckle, patting his chest gently before pushing yourself up.

“Y-you want me to sleep in your bed?”

“I don’t have a guest bedroom. You can stay on the couch, if you don’t want to sleep next to me,” you shrug, trying to look like it’s a whatever situation for you, but your heart would definitely break a little if he didn’t want to share your bed.

Luckily, he is on the same page as you.

“The bed is fine. Perfect actually,” he nods eagerly, as he stands from his spot, he turns the TV off and then follows you into the bedroom. 

It’s unusual, but also feels completely comforting to get under the covers with Harry, like you’ve done this before. You both stay on your side, not mingling, but it’s still such an intimate moment you’ll probably never forget.

“Good night, Harry,” you whisper in the darkness and even though you can only make out his silhouette, you just know he is looking at you.

“Good night, Y/N.”

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[offline-nobody]

this is probably a terrible post to make but i dont care because by god some of the take ive been seeing on the house of the dragon finale have been just absurdly stupid

like yall seem so determined to classify all these characters as ‘morally good’ or ‘morally bad’ when one of the most important details of the show is that no character is inherently good or evil

‘alicents a bad person for agreeing to let rhaenrya kill aegon’ where you not paying attention to the full minute of silent deliberation beforehand?? the fact that she cant bring herself to even say the words, just a quick nod before turning around?? the whole point of that minute of silence was alicent having to chose between one life and the thousands that will die if this war continues. this isnt a decision she makes lightly, and isnt one that she even wants to make, but she recognises the necessity of it, even if she doesnt want to. why am i seeing it boiled down to ‘alicent is an inherently bad person’ shut up, no character is inherently good or evil, they are the products of every other moment that has come before, they are stuck in a situation in which they have no good options, and are trying to navigate it to what they believe is the best possible outcome, even when that outcome directly contradicts what others want.

‘rhaenyra bringing up a son for a son is bad and therefore shes a bad person’ also shut up. it hasnt been that long since lucerys died, of course shes still upset about it. in her eyes, alicent is in part to blame, alongside otto, aegon, and everybody else who she believed to conspire against her. its not even the point of the seen, shes essentially throwing it in there to guilt trip alicent. she doesnt want aegon dead because of ‘a son for a son’ she wants him dead because as long as hes still around, shell be seen as the usurper, thatll be her legacy unless she makes it aegons. yes technically the debt has been paid but thats not the point here, the point is that, to rhaenyra, she has lost so much in this war and alicent has lost less (which isnt necessarily true but how would rhaenyra know whats happening in kings landing). yes this is a bad thing for rhaenyra to throw at alicent, but that doesnt make rhaenyra a bad person, just a person who has done both good and bad things in the past, who has had good and bad things happen to her, and is acting on those things.

this isnt even everything, theres so many moments that rely on subtly that some of yall are just not seeing. like im sorry this show has complicated characters that dont fall into easy good and bad boxes. im sorry these characters are complex and nuanced and that is what makes them interesting to watch. honestly its like yall werent even paying attention to english literature in school. characters can be more than one thing, in fact characters should be more than one thing, because people are more than one thing

im sorry for rambling so much, but it just felt like whiplash going from watching the show and finding the finale to be one of the greatest episodes of television, to seeing people attempt to boil it down to good and bad, and then getting annoyed when characters would act with nuance

[prettyboykatsuki]

the itoshi brothers (and how bluelock handles betrayal as character motivation)

✦ or why i don't think sae hates rin afterall.

✦ a / n ; this absurdly long and absurdly extensive. my bad. also sorry if this is obvious to some people, sometimes it takes me a few reads fdfksj

i want to preface this by saying - i'm not really very invested in the itoshi brothers. or at least i wasn't originally. the character im usually most taken with is isagi, but i've sort of been wanting to dissect sae because i can't fully wrap my head around his character. and when i want to understand a character, i usually end up going through a re-read of their chapters and arcs - to get a feel for them and all.

sorry for the thick paragraph, but tl;dr this is the first time im really analyzing these two so if this is obvious to everyone else please ignore me asjdskjds

anyway. the analysis.

there's two things that need to be examined when taking a look at the itoshi brothers. the first being their relationship before sae took off to spain, the second being how bluelock sets up concepts like betrayal for the sake of improvement.

firstly - i think we need to address saes character on a base level. sae is shown to be relatively detached in general. whereas rin has forever been more of sensitive character - sae is critical and level-headed. i suspect this is partially accredited to his role as older brother.

but you'll notice that sae is significantly more gentle to rin. he's a good older brother, both encouraing rin to do well and play soccer with him. even if he lacks that sort of finesse with teammates.

from the beginning, rin idolizes his older brothers character. every goal he has is in some way relating to pleasing or impressing sae. it's not unusual for him to do as a younger brother, especially one who was obviously doted on by rin. it's very clear that rin loves his brother deeply and feels a need to earn his favor nearly always.

there's this conversation they have in ch.124 that really drew me to this conclusion and sort of shifted my perspective on this relationship. i had always figure that sae had experienced something in spain that we, the audience don't know. it's very bluelock for characters to change drastically due to some crushing defeat (case and point kunigami)

but i hadn't take into consideration what that event would've changed in these twos relationship where maybe i should've. the thing is that sae is always concerned about how rin will fare without him.

in this chapter, sae asks rin what he thinks about or considers with playing soccer and rin responds with something along the lines of - he's not really thinking. he uses instinct and has confidence his brothers passes to him. sae is of course critical of this.

aside from the very obvious affection that this two share - sae goes onto tell rin that he's going off to spain soon. he once again, encourages rin to do his best and not fall behind while he's gone. rin responds with of course, and promises to become best in japan while sae goes onto become best in the world.

from there, we see rins life as he continues to grow up while his brother is in spain for several years. rin is shown to feel a little bit lonely, but keeps his promise of dedicating his entire life to football. not only is he a good team-player, he spends his free time practicing alone because he has full faith in the promise that he made with sae when they were young.

whats noticeable to me is the way rin describes playing without sae as constricting or inconvenient. the sport doesn't quite feel the same without sae around, but rin continues to practice because he values his relationship to his brother.

it's coming directly off of a win that sae returns home and sees rin practicing, and it's here i had a realization about the nature of their relationship and their driving force.

and it's here where i really put together what the actual consequence of saes spain trip was.

but before i get to that, i want to touch on the way bluelock as a series handles the concept of failure and motivation. because there are two seperate instances where a character has some sort of major event happen to them - whether that be a kind of betrayal or a massive failure and that drives their character to improve farther.

the first one being kunigami and his transformation as the hyena. the second and imo - the more important one, the relationship between reo and nagi.

to keep it brief - nagi essentially 'betrays' reo by choosing to go with isagi and separate himself from reo in order to improve. while nagi doesn't entirely understand it as a betrayal (because he still considers reo a close friend) it is indeed a crushing moment for reo - who makes it his goal and his ego to be a player that nagi can play with.

in laymans terms - it's betrayal of a pairing that provides character development and is often used to highlight the intense bonds between two people. to be motivated by someone instead of something can only speak to how much you value that person, and want to play with them, right?

and that's where i want to pick up with rin and sae.

there are so many details about this scene to nitpick. so many things i want to shed light on because i just find it so interesting when i look carefully. sae returns home while rin is practicing on the field, and rin is incredibly excited to see his brother.

but it's obvious both to us as the audience and to rin that sae has changed somehow.

you can just tell that sae looks exhausted, where as rin has the same same expression as he did four years ago.

there are so many things in this panel that i think are worth analyzing. the fact that rin notices that sae has lost weight as a marker of just how much sae has changed. what he's been through.

and more specifically what sae says in order to summarize his experiences in spain.

"turns out the world is huge. there're players way better than me out there. i..i've changed my dream."

now, my understanding of japanese is none so i can't compare this to the raws. but i want to discuss the phrasing here with a little more nuance - specifically, i want to talk about the way sae has phrased the sentence.

you'll notice that sae does not say "my dream has changed". he instead says "i've changed my dream." and i think this is a testament to what happened to him in the fours years he was abroad. sae wants it to seem like its a choice he's made, if only to convince rin that he's fine with it. it's obvious that sae likely experienced whats very common for characters in bluelock - which is the mortifying realization that he was practically nothing in comparison to his peers.

we know what the means for sae as individual, in that he was deeply discouraged by what he understood as reality. but what does that mean for sae as an older brother? particularly an older brother who dotes on his younger brother.

rin is very against the idea of sae playing as a midfielder, and tells sae to his face that he doesn't want to see sae like this. he recognizes that saes change is actually stemming from a sense of defeat, and is against the idea of sae giving up his dream. and you can see in saes expression that he's saddened at rins reaction - thought he might've predicted it to some extent.

he's insistent on the fact rin doesn't understand, but hearing rin say "you're not the same brother i shared a dream with...!" causes the façade to crack momentarily. in the minute that sae is covered in shadow, we see his approach to rin changing.

and i think it's here i realized what the sudden attitude change was about.

sae goes onto to challenge rin to a one on one duel. he tells rin, that if you're able to win against me here then ill continue to believe in that dream. he absolutely crushes rin in the match, and when that match is over - rin finally confesses it outright.

its this moment where it all finally clicked for me that saes response here was entirely intentional. and the reason i know that to be true, and that the way he talks to rin here is insincere is because of the way he hesitates.

we get an entire panel where sae simply stares at rin and is silent. this isn't a gut reaction. we intentionally get to see the briefest moment where sae is hesitating to say all of this cruel shit to rin. because he knows rin will never stop idolizing sae or hoping for that dream.

and you'll notice the way he's using this moment to drill something in rins head for later on. he says something explicitly i want to talk to about

"don't use me as your reason to play football ever again."

its this moment that confirms it for me. this, on top of the fact we don't get to see saes expression when he says the last part. he's turned away from rin entirely - when he had been facing rin for most of this conversation.

that's the thing, though. sae to some extent, is familiar with the cruelty that soccer on the international level has to offer. in the early part of the manga, you see him have a similar reaction to bluelock and egoism as a concept. sae is intrigued by it and supports its core tenets to some extent, because he's seen professional soccer at its most brutal.

when you think about it, what reason does sae have to be so intentionally cruel to rin about not wanting to play football? if he was really so indifferent to rin, what reason would there be to crush him to that extent? wouldn't the appropriate response be just that, indifference?

sae's disposition is never naturally cruel. but his whims and feelings adjust based on input. he plays soccer and thinks very heavily about his moves. so if his experiences is telling him that he is no longer fit to be a striker, then what does that make of the promise he made to the younger brother he adored.

all of that to say, i think sae wants rin to become a striker and wants to continue playing soccer with rin. but he believes that if rin remains attached to him the way he is - he will never reach his full potentional. and in order to bring that full potential out - he's willing to be the catalyst and subsequently the villain rins story.

i think all of it, and the intentional salt in the wound is a mechanism for rins development which sae achieves by the end of u20 almost.

[octaviasdread]

I hereby conduct this tortured poets society album meeting in all of its mania and sorrowful blues as I move from unhinged impressions to unhinged first-listen analysis because I am incapable of saying less.

(and to all the Aimees i’m so sorry but that’s on Kim)

This Anthology is taking me so long to process, but nothing feels like the first jarring moments of I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - the cacophony and flashes of a birthday breakdown bopping to 80s arcade game synth. It's crumbled cake and mascara streaks when Bejewelled is actually a delusional Mirrorball,

and The Secret Garden reference in I Hate It Here, oh god, she’s so me:

I hate it here so I will go to / secret gardens in my mind / people need a key to get to / the only one is mine / i read about it in a book when I was a precocious child

I need to come back to that. But the whirlwind of Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? Plans cancelled. IM THE ONE barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine, actually. It's me chained-up in that poor things victorian mourning dress shrieking elegies in my tortured nightingale screams.

She's Grammys Taylor looking at the crowd of her peers rolling their eyes, she's the litany of snide jokes diminishing her success, and the children, sisters, friends, and girlfriends of those who wronged her loudly singing her songs.

so i leap from the gallows and i levitate down your street / crash the party like a record scratch as I scream / who’s afraid of little old me

i was tame i was gentle til the circus made me mean / don’t you worry folks we took out all her teeth

ohhh, the throwback to Speak Now and the significance of MEAN. The song and its titular word show how childish language encapsulates that pointless spite and the bone deep hurt mean behaviour breeds - but now she’s a phoenix risen, and they hurl her youth and her downfall back in her face - word for word, surprised face - its the dark side the The Lucky One, of not escaping the cage of fame games.

you lured me and you hurt me and you taught me / you caged me and then you called me crazy

i wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me / you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me / so all you kids can sneak into my house with all the cobwebs / i’m always drunk on my own tears isn’t that what they all said?

PUT NARCOTICS IN MY SONG took me out. This album is funny in the most sardonic and absurdly humorous ways,

like the classic cowboy western guitar strings in her crime songs (I Can Fix Him, No Really I Can - pistols drawn), but especially the ones leading into Fresh Out The Slammer. Fucking genius, and to follow on with static sounds at 2:26ish to the house where you still wait up, is exactly the kinda detail I adore.

Naively, I thought Florence was done with me after Florida!!! It's a lyrical meme for single 20 & 30 somethings who moved away from home,

my friends all smell of like weed or little babies / and the city reeks of driving myself crazy / little did you know your home’s really only / a town you’re just a guest in

and the haunting morphs from the ghost of your girlhood into the catalogue of decisions and delusions which get you through adulthood. Yet it feels almost like an interlude within the song when

me and my ghosts we’ve had a hell of a time / yes i’m haunted but i’m feeling fine / all my girls got their lace and their crimes / and your cheating husband disappeared/ well no one asks questions here

appears like an alternative pov for No Body, No Crime with the girls and their ghosts and their pacts made over wine. Every Action has an Equal Reaction. Run away to Florida, or Texas, and lose yourself to lose the heartbreak. Its self-destruction, it's trauma-healing, bonding, and its breaking.

(what a song for an angsty girl collab, problematic girl in hand with problematic girl, lyrically and thematically, maybe the real love story is the friends we make along the way.)

And that wasn't even the last of it. It's Florence 2.0 with B side Cassandra, but instead of Dance Fever, its Taylor’s glorious mythology with all the allusions, parallels, intertextual and lyrical ruining of my mind:

when the first stone’s thrown they’re screaming / when its burn the bitch they’re shrieking / when the truth comes out its quiet

so they killed cassandra first cus she feared the worst / and tried to tell the town / so they filled my cell with snakes i regret to say / do you believe me now?

No apologies anymore. A girl given the gift of prophecy by Apollo, the GOD OF POETRY, is cursed with her prophecy never being believed: Burning all the witches even if you aren't one, indeed. She saw the truth of the Trojan horse, and the Trojans insulted her. Rep snake branding and the current cultural view of KK and Ye. I don't need to say anything else.

i was in the tower weaving nightmares / twisting all my smiles into snarls

the family the pure greed the christian chrous line / bloods thick but nothing like a payroll / bet they never spared a prayer for my soul

I literally played that THREE times before I got over it enough to finish my first listen,

and i’m still thinking about Clara Bow and that Stevie Nicks tambourine we collectively freaked over from the Spotify installation, and all the silent movie speculation from the track title release.

you look like Clara Bow in this light - you look like Stevie Nicks in '75 - you look like Taylor Swift

Three women whose public profession became entangled with their pain. Silver Springs. Boyfriend songs. The jokes. Clara Bow.

Clara feared being left behind by 'talkies.' Miss Americana. The fear of 30 bringing death to a woman's Hollywood/Musical career,

beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours demanding more / only when your girlish glow flickers just so / do they let you know?

Three women who beat the odds - three women whose talent, craft, and popularity carried them through.

But there's something more to unpack here with cycles and patterns - of the past endlessly repeating. It's the transient nature of fame and our fleeting view of beauty mapped out in the untouchable, ever-changing, and culturally worshiped moon.

It's a body of physical craters, a natural body we call discovered, and fight to claim. We project emotions and create rituals of worship - you're the new god we're worshipping. Endless stories are told about her, but we can never fully see the moon with human eyes. Eclipses, shadows, - 'half moonshinе, a full eclipse' - half-truths and half-moons:

this town is fake but you're the real thing / breath of fresh air through smoke rings / take the glory, give everything / promise to be dazzling

There's a play on light and a play on words in the repetition of Dazzling, shining so bright so blindingly bright. Who is dazzled? Who is doing the dazzling? There's an instability between Director - Public - Star. It's Hollywood lights, No one in my small town thought I'd see the lights of Manhattan / No one in my small town thought I'd meet these suits in LA.

She beat the 'War Big Machine' - but for me, there's ambivalence and illusion on all sides of the final lyrics, you've got edge, she never did / the future's bright, dazzling.

(and ‘Edge’ is particularly ironic when you consider the songs on this album…)

Moving again into the B Side, it's Taylor's departure from Invisible string, red strings of fate, and golden threads à la the golden chain of fate in Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities that strikes me.

First, I thought her writing was a complete departure from the themes of destiny and fate, but then, The Prophecy:

cards on thе table / Mine play out like fools in a fablе

it isn't an absent symbol; it transformed. It's the evermore forest amped to the max. Witches, folklore, fairy-tale and fable - a homeric epic. Its the hero's journey distilled as she opens the song with a move from 'full throttle' adventure, to slowing down 'Hand on the Throttle' to appeal for Supernatural aid at the hero's transformative fall.

and it was written / I got cursed like eve got bitten / a greater woman wouldn't beg / but I looked at the sky and said / please I've been on my knees / change the prophecy

Lover asking Traffic Lights becomes spending my last coin so someone will tell me, and this might be the most slept-on heartbreaking line. Her search for reassurance can't be framed as an arbitrary musing anymore. It can't be dismissed as a mere thought on her drive home, or something triggered throughout the day - its intent. It's a quest for answers, a plea, a last-ditch hope difficult to deny.

and I sound like an infant / feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen/ a greater woman stays cool/ but I howl like a wolf at the moon / and I look unstable /

gathered with a coven 'round a sorceress' table / a greater woman has faith But even statues crumble if they're made to wait / i'm so afraid I sealed my fate / no sign of soulmates

She's asking for a gift from the Gods, and when the God's won't answer, she plunges straight down from heaven or Olympus into the self seizure of power in witchcraft. And when it fails, she descends further - Spending my last coin so someone will tell me it'll be okay - paying mortal fortune tellers, even if they lie.

The song leans on figures without redemption, on the Eve's, on the women cursed and punished, and those who scream like infants rather than enduring burdens and pain in silence. She's poisoned, infected like Aurora from the wound of the pricked hand with dreams of him. Is this a punishment?

She's infected, cursed like Eve got bitten, [lyric of all time!!!!] but does a monster always do monstrous things? Who is the monster? Who is the folkloric, the literary Mad Woman? Perhaps she's written from the desperate, the scarred, and the wronged.

and the transition into another tale with Peter? As in Peter losing Wendy? Is it an epilogue to the Betty trilogy? or a different use of the metaphor?

and I didn't wanna hang around / we said it was just goodbye for now /said you were gonna grow up / then you were gonna come find me / words from the mouths of babes / promises oceans deep / but never to keep

The triangle is echoed in love's never lost when perspective is earned, reflecting the different povs of Betty, August, and James, and placing Peter as the new conclusion - the shelf life of those fantasies has expired / lost to the lost boys chapter of your life/ the woman who sits by the window/ has turned out the (porch?) light.

Promises wear out. Wendy's window closes, and so does this chapter in her life.

my lost fearless leader / in closets like cedar / preserved from when we were just kids / is it something I did? / the goddess of timing / once found us beguiling

is also - intentionally or not - Narnia coded. Is the storybook collecting dust in her closet? Or is the closet still holding a portal to another fairytale land accessible only in youth, another home you can't return to (and another folklore parallel with mtr, anywhere I want just not home).

Side B is so harmonious with ttpd being the end of a chapter as the anthology moves through all the seven stages (or Taylor playlists) of grief.

The Manuscript, the signing of the autopsy, is the Death of the Author. It's the Roland Barthes realisation of All Too Well reborn in joy and fan culture, the story isn't mine anymore, of the Eras - 'I hope you hear these songs and think of this night' - Tour. She knew what the agony had been for - art. connection. - and its these things that create the hope lost in ttpd's journey through mania, disorientation, loss and despair. It all leads to healing, nothing left but a manuscript.

So many thoughts from listen no.1 and they’ll probably change, but i’m so exhausted from this 31 song rollercoaster that I'm just gonna let this sit. death of the author, I guess.

[fictionfixations]

wiki

I FIGURED OUT HOW PEOPLE ADD STUFF ON THE WIKI

there's TEMPLATES

(god i feel like sebek with all these caps)

ive mostly just been seeing how other people do it and referencing it (cause there's specific names for things. like the navigation box for events having its own thing and a specific name for its 'type')

so so.

You know that one post I made sharing Azul's birthday bloom lines because it wasn't on the wiki? I ADDED THOSE

not the recordings tho because i dont know how to do it and i dont think recent-ish cards have those audio files (you basically add stuff from a sort of 'storage'. Like. you put in the name and it just. appears. like, for card type or something like that you put in the card name, like, say, 'Birthday Bloom', and that card appears there. its cool.)

i dont know how to explain it.

I did it for tsumsitter kalim too

and then because i am insane i did his vignette too (MY HANDS HATE ME). im so bad at describing how the tsum moves around. it was repetitive with 'hops'

because i am undescriptive (also the tsumsitter doesn't have a icon as far as i can tell. so most of the parts with tsumsitter kalim i just switched to his dorm uniform one. but for that one bit where he picks up the tsum i set it to tsumsitter. so its just. red. ALSO i KNOW its tsumsitter because i went to riddle's and checked what outfit name they used for him and its Tsumsitter.)

i got lazy and stopped describing when it left. so if anyone wants to go do that be my guest.

anyway i dont know if there's some special thing for when a time skip happens. like when there's a black swipe to signify talking/time skip so. fshuif

i dont know how to add him to the vignettes box either so. whoops. (i didnt even know there was a vignette navigation box ngl)

and because. for some odd reason i like doing this. i added chapter 5-1, 5-2, and 7-1 of Sam's New Year Sale 2024 (That's Pomefiore's bit, and then Diasomnia's visit. contemplating adding Diasomnia's leave too but my hands hurt). because those are pretty short and dont make me die inside (everything else is so absurdly long and at that point when i feel like stopping i just dont want to leave it unfinished like that yknow?? so i just keep going until im done and then die inside)

i dont think there's a file for the hagoita thingy??? the paddle. thing. i know in some chapters in other stuff it shows images of the item itself. but i looked back to when it was first introduced and there's no image of it showing it. and i tried searching for the file but nothing. so. it prob doesnt exist.

anyway if there's any typos im sorry. its more noticeable on stuff like the name and outfit cuz any typos mess it up, but on text, unless it has that red squiggly, im blind

[caffstrink]

playing omori is legit like. a worse version of any yume nikki fangame. the game design is so poor and considering how long it took to even come out, with allegations the creator used the kickstarter money for personal purchases… it’s kind of insane and inexcusable how bad it is. idc how much you like the story if it takes 25 miserable hours to get there!!

EXACTLYYY and honestly playing through it, it felt so... passionless. I think its kind of obvious that omocat only expected to have a few backers instead of the kick-starter blowing up and overfunding her rpgmaker game.

For some comparison:

Undertale : USD$51,124 kickstarter budget, took 2 years to release

Hollow Knight: A$57,000 kickstarter budget, took 3 years to release

Omori: USD$203,300 kickstarter budget, took SEVEN years to release

It was a known fact before omoris release that omocat took the money and spent it on their clothing line and shop (in fact one of the promos for their shop opening was that visitors would get to play a demo for omori, which enraged the kickstarter backers who had been left in radio silence for years and were apparently not even going to be able to play the demo unless they went to the shop, and then the demo was released on a fucking dropbox link.) And for a while a bunch of backers fully believed they had been scammed. Plus one of the funding goals was to make omori available for the 3ds, which not only is impossible for the rpgmaker engine, but also by the time the game released the 3ds was defunct.

And you know, maybe its just because omocat is an artist who didn't really know much about game design. Maybe that's why it got so messy. Sure! It could be that! But even then, by art standards, omori lacks A LOT. only the main characters get to have face portraits despite there being many reocurring relevant characters both in dream and real world, and ALL the main characters have the same head and bangs like they were made on a fucking picrew. The monsters and npc designs were absurdly lacking (like come on look at the sprout moles) and as much they bragged about slime girls composing the ost it was actually pretty damn mediocre. The pixel art too, for the most of the dream world its repeated assets over and over (the forest is SO ugly with all the reused trees) when it's not referencing yume nikki imagery

Also sorry but i have to mention again how hideous the forest areas look with the same trees copypasted everywhere. Like damn dude at least change the colors a little.

Not to mention the gorgeously made pixel part with that mspaint spray effect (its ugly. Im saying its ugly. What the fuck is this dithering.)

And the funny thing is that the (real world) story is actually pretty solid for a horror game. But in order to experience it you have to sit through extremely cringy, annoying and excessive dialogue written by adults who don't really know how kids talk and interact with each other. The dream world segments take up 80% of the game and every single arc in it SUCKS. They're overdragged, uninteresting, unfunny and obnoxious. But haha look if you do this you get a jumpscare! Isn't this game so deep????

And after omori got released it feels like you just can't do creepy cute things anymore without being compared to it. Its tiring 😑 fuck poomori

[deathits3lf]

wolf359. its grasped me again.

I have become obsessed again. To the point I wrote a ABSURDLY LONG ramble about Warren Kepler. I wrote it in discord messages and I will not be taking the time to fix the typos. There are so many.

But yes, I wrote a... character analysis? It's honestly just about the last season.

⚠️Major spoilers ahead. For last season, the finale, anywhere past 45 basically. If you have not completed wolf 359 entirely, well, this will be the end all be all of spoilers.

oooh. I should put a highlight here: but he assumed it was a "sorry, you are wrong and I am right, and you are going to die, and perhaps you deserve to in my eyes." when it really meant "You are right. I love you. I would do anything for your safety even if you may never know I was doing it for you." <<<< i love this part. im so smart. squints. im actually not but i was onto somethin

And be warned that it is long. Google docs says 1563 words. I'll put it under this read more.

Have fun. I hope this is any bit comprehensible.

--------------------------

okokok. so. warren kepler. i could talk about this man for HOURS, i swear. but i need to START somewhere so why not start at his death. I love thinking aboiut it... and by that i mean i hate thinking about it. buts its great. so tragic. i love characters dying like that; they are introduced as a douche. dickhead, antagonist, honestly villain. not likeable, really. (by that i mean well written but the character themselves being THE WORSTTT) (although i love him i DID used to HATE HIM) (i always joked about wanting to throw him out of an airlock... no seriously. i didnt know. help) 

BUT, throughout the show, despite them being a dick, we are shown some moments of them almost.. being human. cause they are. everyone, despite how mean or stuckup or 'emotionless' they are, is human, and humans feel emotions. 

okok, so at this point some hate em, some love em (altho mostly lovehate), but overall they are.... antagonistic but with the potential. not enough potential however.- (quick sidetrack here, i swear i get back to my point eventually) 

The Last Season. oml, the first time I watched it, before I knew what kepler was doing, I thought,"kepler is acting weird". kepler is acting almost nervous, and something just felt off. yes it was because cutter was there, kepler was used to being in charge and aggressive about it to make his subordinates feel scared and therefore listen to him. which in the last season, is clear where he learned that from; cutter. but now cutter was back and he was the subordinate and scared one. he wasnt The Most Powerful One There anymore. BUT ALSO 

Maybe he acted weirdly because,,listen,, he was already planning something against them. it makes sense. he was sort of kept in the dark, but he knew something was going to happen.

He had to watch his crew like that, despite having just held a mutany against him, he still knew them. they were stuck in space together, they knew eachother, but also JACOBI. kepler interacting with mindcontrolled jacobi was. thats a rant for later on. 

But. He had just had his morals rocked. His right hand man, his most loyal companion, betrayed him, tried to get him killed, he lost his other teammate- no, friend, and well, if you look closely enough he really had some time to think about it all. 

And thats where he decided that he was not on the side he always had been on, the one he worked for for god knows how many years, the one who he had based his entire mindset on, and maybe he realized that his idea of a bigger picture didnt line up with Goddard's. 

Maybe he was doing it for Jacobi. and maxwell. Maybe he was doing it for the whole crew. or the whole world. Maybe he really, truely, cared. deep down.

I also think that he wasnt planning to make it out alive. 

He didnt want to face it afterwards. He convinced himself that this was the only way- that he couldn't possibly have made it out alive and that sacrificing himself for the greater good was the only way.

He could have survived that. The hardest part would have been convincing the others to let him on the homebound ship. (the sol i believe?) jacobi begged him to stay. oml that scene. another rant for later on. 

But going back to my first point- I love that they really gave you one last reason to care about his death. If he died still on goddards side, even if he seemed a bit hesitant, that was still the cowards choice. they really said "hey he actually cares about the greater good and to an extent, the others. anyway immediatly after that revelation kill him." They gave us a reason to cry.

I love characters like that. You hate em, but before they die, you are given a reason to give a fuck. Really wrenches your heart. 

back to other points. rachel, had been SHOT. and yet managed to push him into the airlock and close the door. you could say he was overconfident, but I believe thats uncharacteristic. hes always on guard, always thinking of every way something could go wrong and how to account for it. He should have thought about rachel fighting back. he could have stopped her, but he had already accepted that he would, and perhaps should die here. perhaps he didnt want to face everything after it all. how he might actually care about ppl. how fucked up he acted and all his bad actions. and also, how he could keep living beyond His Job. the artist formerly known as warren kepler. if he stopped Making Art, who was he to go back to? warren kepler didnt exist. he was just a husk. 

thats why i love reading Kepler Back From The Dead fics. it would have been SO INTERESTING. although its fair they wanted to wrap up arcs, or at least leave them on something somewhat satisfying, and kepler was definitely NOT done cooking. put that man back in the microwave he is STILL cold in the middle. 

anyway. kepler was a coward for dying but at least cowardice is human. 

>He couldnt tell anyone. What he was planning. couldnt even tell jacobi, "hey, im on ur side and also im going to stop it all. and sacrifice myself" because rachel was there. rachel was watching, and she was arrogant that kepler couldnt possibly not be on goddards side. yeah she probably definitely knew he cared about jacobi, but the others? she was not expecting him to actually have the confidence to go aginast CUTTER. 

jacobi begged for him to be on their side, argued good arguements,

but jacobi thought. there is no way this will work. absouletly no way he will actually listen to me. but he did. kepler had already planned this. kepler couldnt put into words why he was doing this, but when rachel asked him why he echoed their words; because he is human. 

but kepler couldnt tell jacobi that he was listening. and that he cared about him. he couldnt say he wished jacobi would make it out alive, or that the others would b ok, or that he wasnt going to make it back. 

all he could say was "Thank you Daniel, and goodbye." AKJHSDKJAHSKDH that line makes me want to CRY. its more evidence that kepler totally knew he was going to die. or at least expected it. the way he said goodbye like he knew it really was the last. called him daniel, and maybe others werent aware what that really meant, perhaps they were, but jacobi knew he never called him that. that that meant something. he didnt know what, but he assumed it was a "sorry, you are wrong and I am right, and you are going to die, and perhaps you deserve to in my eyes." when it really meant "You are right. I love you. I would do anything for your safety even if you may never know I was doing it for you." 

.... "thank you" for being in my life? for teaching me how to be good? for everything? AUGH I LOVE THESE FICTIONAL MEN. 

>His interactions while the others were mindcontrolled. I relistened to the first episode or two of the last season, and kepler honestly showed signs that he was already doubting goddard. that he wasnt as confident as when the others last saw him. and they commented on this- rachel talked about hera and kepler replied almost remincing about his time on the hephaestus. he said 'she had always been stubborn.' and rachel said 'careful warren, wouldnt want to sound like you admire it.'

And the whole scene with cutter, pryce, kepler, and mind controlled jacobi. Cutter definitely purposefully picked out jacobi to take notes during that. cutter realized something was off about him. He was weaker, almost upset that his subordinate was mindcontrolled? and would obey his every command? cutter had just improved them; and the kepler that cutter wanted wouldnt have cared. but he clearly did care, as he told- no, lied- to cutter about jacobi being a good team member. despite the fact jacobi almost got him shot, like, not even an hour before I think? He was worried jacobi would be punished, or hurt, or even killed. 

Cutter knew this. he took it into account, basically; he didnt kill him, he merely improved his brain. 

And. Eiffel, after being de-mindcontrolled because of the alien blood, waiting for Jacobi, had accidentily given himself away as being 'unmindcontrolled' when he ran into kepler. he expected to be carted away, re-mindcontrolled, or perhaps killed, or locked in a room, but kepler instead 'played along' and pretended like all was fine. he even sneakily told eiffel to be more careful next time. AND YET WE DIDNT NOTICE- eiffel didnt think to mention 'hey kepler totally let me get off scot free, he is maybe on our side. maybe i mean totally.' ?? and i didnt notice the first time around that THE KEPLER WE KNEW AT THE BEGINNING WOULD TOTALLY RAT HIM OUT INSTANTLY. he was always on their side, and perhaps always planning something. maybe since the interaction with mindcontrolled "she was twenty-eight!" jacobi.

[astoundinglyhugespaceobject]

jonathan ohnn/the spot headcanons

i made these sleep deprived on december 19th of two-thousand-twenty-three and i compiled them up!!! mostly non serious but some are a little sad

 • eats (or used to eat, i dont think he can eat anymore) peanut butter and jelly sandwiches like a FIEND, pretty sure he wouldnt have any problem whatsoever eating them for breakfast lunch and dinner and would if it werent for societal judgement😔😔

he still ate them for lunch when he was working at alchemax though

• he hates hot pockets i dont know why dont ask. he's also transmasc and bisexual but in denial about it (the being bisexual part) (unrelated)

• he definitely climbed a lot of trees as a kid, gave at least one person a heart attack by doing so

• while working at alchemax he was 100% not taken seriously/was disrespected by his co-workers, specifically olivia octavius (this is semi-canon, it's in his art book paragraph somewhere) because theres almost no way a respected scientist in his field would've gotten completely shunned by his co-workers and family for something that was admittedly reckless but still???? he probably ate lunch in his office tbh i dont blame him

• under different circumstances (miles not being partially the reason he is the way he is) i think he would've had a silly little dynamic with miles as a hero/villain sort of camaraderie?? and also if he wasnt trying to destroy the universe/kill everyone miles loves... L

• won first place in the science fair in 7th grade and still looks at it as a fond memory

• surprisingly good driver, fairly patient i think (probably not so much post act 2 of atsv but maybe!!!!)

• favorite holiday used to be thanksgiving but now he doesn't like it (woops family trauma D:) at thanksgiving dinner though he definitely gossiped and drank tea in the kitchen/helped with the food to an extent

• cried like ugly hiccup sobbed when the earth 42 spider died and he found it and didn't leave his apartment for like a month and 3 quarters

• terrible dancer you cant look at him and say he knows how, im sorry.

• he's okay at cooking he just never had the time to do it, knows how to make a disgustingly good ravioli though

• he was an avid the mr. peabody and sherman show fan and had a funeral for it when it got taken off of netflix

• ate dirt as a kid

• 100% cuffs his jeans (he wears absurdly silly socks and shows them off i can attest to this because i have a pair of bright purple long socks with yellow ducks on them)

[transfemmbeatrice]

i found this post that i wrote in reaction to “you go too fast for me crowley” YEARS before s2 came out and its just even more applicable now, fuck.

god im so fucking emotional, like. they both have trauma for their respective sides and histories, but for crowley, it has only made him want to rebel more. rebel against the rebellion. he doesn't give a fuck, its all busted anyway, just do whatever you want and keep your head down enough you dont get got. he deFINES rebel without a cause, because he has no goal here, he isnt trying to take down heaven or hell even though he hates them both, he just. wants to be happy. but aziraphale had the opposite reaction, which was to try to please them; they manipulate him, and he wants to do Right, he wants them to say he's good, he has a lowkey javert complex of The Rules Must Be Good because if they arent that means everything is broken and i cant deal with everything being broken. but now that he's in love? he loves. a DEMON. he loves a demon, but he hasn't fallen. because he hasn't acted on it? or...because it isnt? wrong? the choices are that crowley is evil, and heaven is right or...

crowley is not evil, and heaven is.. wrong. and both! are unthinkable! he can't reconcile it! but he's trying. he's YEARNING. the LONGING...... crowley has been ready for six thousand years, has been nudging him towards this for six thousand years (This being not just Them, but recognition of the corruption of the system) and aziraphale. IS bending. he never would have admitted he was in love with crowley, even to himself, even a hundred years ago. but he still isn't ready.

he knows. he knows the score. and maybe, one day, he will get there. but not yet. he knows he's slow, painfully, absurdly slow, just as crowley is terrifyingly, absurdly fast. one of the many reasons they should be incompatible. and maybe they Are.  crowley needs to wait if he wants to have him. he's sorry, he really is, that he's like this. but you go to fast for me, crowley. that's me. that's the angel you're in love with. and crowley.... in pain, buried in longing... will wait for him.

[green-alien-turdz]

This is long as fuck my god sorry in advance,,, also it's 4am and my first language is not English so this my be kinda incomprehensible ,

Sorry I may or may not have stalked this account and filled half the posts I've reblogged w a shit ton of ranting in the tags even more than once IM SORRYYY it's just that you're art makes me feel SO much things bc the way you portray the kids genuinely resonate w me really deeply w the scars and implied things and the fucked up rooms and hhhh I LOVE IT

Also I wanted to say that I can't even explain coherently how seeing you portraying these heavy things as eds and the sh and just all the heavy stuff so casually w also admitting more than once that you base a lot of these headcanons on your own life and struggles make me so happy bc that's always one of the things I've always been ashamed about, like whenever I find comfort in a character I immediately start to hc them w MY heavy stuff and see them that way completely but I'm scared of portraying it through my art bc ppl are always like "why would you want to fuck them up so badly" "why do u have to put your sh n ed stuff and mentally ill shit in these innocent things" and I feel like I need to justify it in other way than "yeah it's just that me getting comfort from them means me seeing myself in them and seeing my flaws in something I love, so naturally I need to put it there for my own comfort" bc it's just too selfish or smth. I know It might sound really really silly and dumb but YOU do it so well and so seemingly unbothered that you just make me want to say FUCK YALL and do It anyway so AGHHHH SORRY FOR THE ABSURDLY LONG RANT ANYWAYS I LOVE YOUR ART SOSOSO MUCH !!!

Bro, for someone whose first language isn't English, you got that shit down, mf your english is impeccable. And I saw the reblogs, I literally don't mind, I'm glad you gained something outta it. Art is literally soul healing, even if it's dumb south park fanart - never be afraid to do what is gonna comfort you. I really hope that things are gettin a lil better in your life, from the rants it sounds pretty rough. I fuckin believe in you, man, n I really wish the best for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, my PM's are open to anyone. Thank you for bein so nice. Please take care of yourself

[unexpectedbrickattack]

hi again 👋👋👋 anyway i would LOVE to hear any thoughts you might have about fake pep and his interactions with other characters if you're amenable to that! i love him and there is So Much going on there and you always have stellar hcs so id love to hear them!!

Ive been shying away from drawing/writing anything with fake peppino bc frankly ur right; there IS so much going on with him 😭 so much so that it almost feels impossible to settle on something concrete 😭 This is also bc I link Fake Peppi and Pizzahead together, which means I also have to work on characterizing that punk 😭😭😭 But I will still try to get my thoughts out

(OKAY THIS IS REM FROM THE FUTURE OR PAST OR SOMETHING AND IM HERE TO SAY THAT I RAMBLED SO FUCKING LONG THAT I DIDNT EVEN GET TO THE ACTUAL ASK OF THIS FUCKING ASK!!! I JUST TALKED ABOUT FAKE PEPPI AND DIDNT WRITE A SINGLE INTERACTION. SO UM. THIS ASK IS NOW ABOUT FAKE PEPPI AND ONLY FAKE PEPPI IM SO SORRY 😭😭😭😭😭 ILL GO MORE IN DEPTH W DYNAMICS N SUCH SOME DAY BUT NOT TODAY)

Fake Peppino is Not the first clone; hes one of the Last ones Pizzahead worked on. The ones you see in the war level are the closest, appearance wise, to Peppino, but they arent the brightest and will often behave like [insert test subject] but with Peppinos face on it. The emphasis on appearance first resulted in some physically identical, but otherwise, dull witted clones.

Fake Peppi was the first attempt at replicating Peppinos actual personality over appearance and it works moderately well, its just that. Hes a little funky lookin. Which is okay! Its the first attempt !! He’ll get more time to try again! They give Fake Peppi a little run down shop to manage (that he almost immediately converts into a pizzeria) while they work on perfecting the clones. But then Peppino actually storms the tower after being threatened w the Pizzeria Begone Beam, and hes tearing through portals so quickly that Pizzahead literally has No Time to try and work on these new clones. Fake Peppi is the First of this new experimental line of clones, and hes one of the Last. (Said bc i do intend on making my own little peppi clone someday heehee)

Fake Peppi passes as a pretty Normal creature. Hes a bit Tall but not absurdly above average. I drew him pretty goopy and lanky on my first (and only ) attempt at drawing him, but the more i think about it, the more I want him to just be a taller, slightly offputting Peppino. I like the idea someone had of Fake Peppi mimicking the stylized, cartoonish logo design of the pizzeria, so hes got a bit of a doofy lookin face. Its very round, with soft looking eyes and permanent blush on his cheeks. When hes trying to look Less Scary (bc he is a bit aware now that hes a little Off), you can see his mouth on his face like a Normal person. When hes relaxed and/or unfocused, it kind of just. Disappears. It makes his face look kind of like a little butt or a peach heehee

Fake Peppi acts pretty similarly to Real Peppino. Hes quick to anger, and quick to frighten. Hes a bit of a goof and he likes to entertain (which completely threw pizzahead off; hes like thats. Not right? Is it??). He has more or less the same mental capacity as Peppino, shares similar skills and hobbies, and enjoys the same kinds of food that Peppino does (with mild variation). Hes very relaxed and easygoing with a tendency to act a fool and be a little playful, which leads Pizzahead to believe that despite what hes personally seen (from stalking this poor man), Peppino is Also inherently a bit of a fool and a little playful and also capable of being relaxed and easygoing.

Fake Peppi is prone to the same kind of anxiety and panic attacks that Peppino has, only he does not have decades of experience with them to know how to manage it. So the time he spends with Pizzahead is Not the smoothest. The combination of Just Being Created and having Crippling Panic Attacks leaves him with an almost Blank Slate, memory wise, by the time hes left with the pizzeria. When Pizzahead visits Fake Peppi again to give him the lift key; hes basically a stranger to him :0

(Peppino tries to help with some grounding techniques for panic attacks, but since they Both default to self soothing stims, hes not that much help 😭)

Conversations are as smooth as they can be with his garbled speech; he can understand what hes being told, and he will write down what he Wants to say with pen and paper. Eventually, he ‘upgrades’ to a phone with proper text to speech, so he uses that quite often. I know the backwards speech is canon (or at the very least extremely popular) but its very hard for me to read and parse in my head, so i am deciding against that 😭

Hes hard to understand bc despite having a similar vocal pitch to Peppino (a bit high), it rubberbands in a way that makes it sound incredibly croakey and scratchy. The more excitable he is, the more incoherent he becomes. With (immense) effort, he can speak clearly, but its almost as difficult as someone trying to suppress their stutter; hes much more comfortable using his phone to talk. I can see him learning sign language at some point; Peppino does Not know sign language but he IS capable of learning, which means Fake Peppi is Also capable of learning.

Overall Fake Peppi is Peppino with enough variance to give him his own personality. Some of the things he does shines a bit of a light on Peppinos personality; its like, if Peppino DIDNT have to struggle with a failing business and crippling debt and being drafted into a fucking war, what kind of Peppino would you get? And as a surprise to Pizzahead, its a relatively sweet and goofy guy!! And if he took the time to interact with the Real Peppino instead of an idealized version of him (like pepperman and vigilante have started doing) then he would see that. Oh well.