#i know things have been weird for lots of ppl lately myself included & i just needed a cute lil reminder that everythings gonna be okay <33

[yuukimiyas]

໒꒰ྀི⸝⸝´ ˘ `⸝⸝꒱ྀི১ a nice lil msg from me to you <33 ilyasm & i know that the world can be mean, weird & crazy but i hope you know that the weird/bad stuff won’t last forever & you’re so SO much stronger then you give yourself credit for!! ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა you all always have a friend in me & a safe space here in the city <33 lets be gentle w ourselves, okay? all my love <33

[redditreceipts]

I've been a very staunch supporter of trans ppl for years. I have learned to swallow my discomfort around some of the things said in those circles. When they said it was transphobic for lesbians to not like dick, I bit my tongue. I told myself, "this is just the loud minority" and to be fair I do think that is the minority but still ... as a lesbian I wasn't even able to talk about people who argued that because "it never happens. No one says that. That sounds like a transphobic lie." And I hate the constant assertions that gender is real, innate, and that everyone feels it. I can't describe my own experiences with growing up as a woman without someone telling me that maybe I'm nonbinary ... no thanks I tried that for a while. I respect everyone's gender, or I want to, but apparently doing that also requires me to put that oppressive structure onto myself and act like it's liberating.

The final snapping point for me was a trans woman telling me that I'm privileged for being a cis woman because I've never experienced dysphoria ... except I have. I grew up with intense thoughts about my body and hating my vagina and breasts. It was never that bad but I would often imagine mutilating. I'm in a better place now but I still feel some discomfort over my body sometimes. And when I expressed this to her, she asked me if I was really cis or was still questioning ...

They act like misogyny doesn't exist or something. I just ... I disagree with a lot of radical feminists beliefs or at least I think I do. But for years I have felt like radfems were the only ones even talking about misogyny anymore so idk

Anyway what I wanted to say is that I really like your posts and perspectives and thanks for this blog. I want to learn more and question more and your blog has become a helpful resource to help me start thinking critically about some things

Hey :) thanks for writing to me and sorry for the late answer. 

And yeah, you are totally right. I have also spent such a long time justifying gender ideology because I really wanted it to be right. I’ve excused so much weird behaviour with weird mental gymnastics because I didn’t want to accept that I had been wrong for such a long time. 

The entire “that never happens” thing - and then you show them an occasion where it happened, and they say “well, it doesn’t happen that much”. And yeah, people have suggested me being non-binary as well. I mean, by strict gender definitions I am non-binary because I don’t identify as a woman lmao. Just as the “you’re uncomfortable in your body?? what about fucking cutting it up??!!!!” thing. 

And for disagreeing with feminist beliefs, the thing is that being a feminist is not a package deal. You are not being some sort of heretic if you disagree with certain things, and I know that I am most probably wrong on a lot of stuff myself. If I wasn’t, I would be the first person who is always right in human history. And yes, even in feminist spaces, there is sometimes some sort of imperative to follow every single belief or you are not a “real feminist”. But being a feminist is not an identity, it is an action. It is an action towards yourself, in the workplace, in interaction with other women and men, in your consumption, in your voting, in how you support women in your personal life and how you do political action. So yeah, I would say that it is less important whether you follow every rule of the radical feminist catechism and more important to support women in your life (which includes yourself). At least, that’s my opinion. 

So if you want to learn more, you can look into literally anything Julie Bindel says on Youtube, I really like her perspective. And cool that you’re here! 

[beebundt]

fwiw that rude commenter is a transphobe, a post a few down on their blog is real blatant (and in that vein I think their comment was less a judgement of your anatomy and more saying Charlie is 'too' muscular/angular)

It's rude and out of pocket REGARDLESS but I also think you're a little hard on yourself! You even said, you hadn't illustrated exactly what you were after with her, and you hadn't intended for a collection of doodles you happened to still like to blow up. You're entirely right that we should all be drawing more than conventionally attractive people, but idk. It's a process and you're a great artist who's working toward it! Don't feel like you have to answer this btw I mostly wanted to let you know that commenter was a double idiot and started rambling. Hope you have a lovely day!!

oh absolutely! i have a feeling you're right abt what they meant considering i saw the transphobic comment they made a couple posts down on their blog lmao but i wanted to add that part anyway. and i appreciate your words a ton, but dw im not hurt or upset! i get a lot of weird comments all the time, i just wanted to use that one as a platform to bounce off of a thought ive been having lately. i wouldn't post a negative remark like that unless i wanted to use it for something. the actual comment was mostly irrelevant to the point i wanted to make, which is also not meant to be super serious, just a thought soup to stir around

and i mean my interpretation of my art as purely objective, i think its important to think critically about yourself and in general. from an objective standpoint, i dont believe the way shes drawn is too out of the norm and is fairly tame (disregarding her ox/bull parts lol), thats basically what i was aiming for with that section. i constantly get stuck in a rut without improving by much because im usually just drawing to doodle after a school day and not rlly with any purpose. i tend to keep drawing the same things out of habit and it gets stale really quickly. so i know my faults and im rlly looking forward to getting better!

also rq, what you said about how we need to draw more than conventionally attractive people- while i do agree with that, in my post i was more saying its important for people to be more open-minded about how they view gender expression and attractiveness in general, myself included! i dont think how i drew charlie was very revolutionary, but ive seen so many tags speaking otherwise. which is either reflective of how small the bubble is for whats acceptable or maybe i have a skewed perception of things? for example if having a bush or something is gender envy we need to look at ourselves. bush is so normal to me. (which i dont if thats what even drew ppl to it BUT. just as an example). would those same people say the same if i drew a very fat woman with a beard, unibrow, etc.? i have no idea. but i have had my eyes opened so many times before its incredible. little things ive never thought about before through new perspective. so thats why i want to encourage it too. i hope that makes sense. thank you so much i hope you have an equally lovely day!! 🫶🫶

[happyheidi]

listen. this might be weird but. i’ve been following you for a little while now and personally i’ve been going through so much grief in my life lately that it’s been really hard to see the light in a lot of stuff. but you just being so joyful and positive and sincerely sweet, especially in your tags, has been really helping to remind me it won’t feel like this forever. maybe that’s selfish of me but i just thought you should know your good vibes have touched someone i guess and that i appreciate you for being you

I’ve thought about this message a lot since I got it, and I just wanna say how much I appreciate you for writing this to me. Thank you! ♡ that helped brighten my day! and I’m so sorry you’re going through a tough time! I hate hearing that so many of you are going through hard times.. but I’m so happy I can bring some good vibes and lighten the mood a little bit! My goal is, after all, to be a place for ppl to escape. And that includes myself cus damn do I need an escape !! And ur right! You won’t feel this way forever! Always remember that without darkness we can never appreciate the light! ♡

there’s nothing selfish in what you write! I appreciate you right back love and I hope things get better for you in every way! <3

[maybege]

heloooo ❤️ first of all I wanna say I rlly adore all ur work! nd also this is the first time im sending an ask so im srry if its weird. for the love letter to creators, ur one of my favourite writers but here r some other creators ive been loving lately. they're all so talented, i think everyone should check them out especially if u like aaron hotchner from criminal minds.

@ssahotchnerr katie 💛💛💛 im absolutely addicted to ur hotchner. the way u write him is just perfect. ur work is one of the first i read for cm nd tbh ur the whole reason i love hotch as much as i do. ur fics r the y i started watching criminal minds. i was going through a rlly rough time nd ur fics have helped me through a lot. ur my comfort writer, i always turn to ur work if im feeling down. u introduced a rlly beautiful thing into my life (hotch), i dont know where id have been these last couple months w/o this nd I'll forever be grateful to u. everyone needs to read ur fragile love series (abt hotch, ofc), its so good, it makes me sob every time.

@hotchs-babygirl zeina 💙💙💙 ur a newer writer in the criminal minds/hotchner fandom (nd in general too i think) but u became one of my all time favs as soon as i read outside clothes. i rlly like the way u write, u inspired me to try writing myself. maybe this is a bit weird but i love the way u write the reader in all ur fics. theyre always so funny, plus ur writting style has a very dry humour which i like. ur fics r always so creative too nd i was surprised by ur latest one bc it seemed a lot more different but it turned out to be soooooo good, i loved how protective hotch was nd i was on the edge of my seat the whole time, i def recommend u to all hotchgirls.

@luveline jade 🩷🩷🩷 ur writing is amazing, u have this v distinct nd calming writing style, ur rlly talented. i began following u for ur criminal minds content but ive read almost all ur work even though im not part of most of ur fandoms. i didnt even know who eddie munson was at first but im totally obsessed with all ur fics abt him. reading abt him nd roan always makes my day. tbh i think ppl need to read ur work even if theyre not in ur fandom. also u seem like such a genuinely lovely person nd i love reading ur responses to all ur asks.

i just want u all (may included) to know that i rlly appreciate all of u and all ur hard work 😘 i wish u all the very best nd i look forward to all ur new fics!!

A love letter to these lovely people!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

I didnt know who to say this and i really need to tell someone, so ill drop i here hoping its okay.

Okay so. Im aroace and i thought i was totally alloplatonic but lately ive realized that that might not be the case. Like, i have always tooken friendships seriously. For me, friends are this carefully selected group of ppl i care about deeply and that the feeling is reciprocal. I didnt think i was any different from the rest until a few months ago i started to see some things i didnt believe were a strange behavior until now.

First, when was eight i found out my best friend had made new friends and i was like ??? Why do you want more??

Then, that discoverment took me to realize i didnt want more friends. And not just that, but that i didnt know how to make friends. Every friend i had, was because they tried to be friends with me. And that, apparently, was weird. I was eight, i didnt wanted to be weird.

After that, it literally became my life mission to discover how to make friends by my own. Im talking about years of observation and analysis and hypothesis and try and fail. Like if making friends were my science proyect.

The thing is, i wasnt very consious i was putting so much effort on this. In my mind, it was totally normal. Kind of. The way i saw it was like if everyone else had an instict to make friends and i had broken mine by overthinking. So i had to repair it.

At thirteen, i did have a few friends that i got to love really really deeply. I just felt so comfortable around them and i didnt feel out of place. Like, it was easy to just *be* with them. But again, it was them who became friends with me, and at the beggining i was absolutely awkward.

Then i found out i was aroace and learning to make friends became my priority.

A while after that, I lost those friends cuz they didnt believe frienships were that important and i have dignity, so i walked away from the ppl who didnt appreciate the only kind of relationship i wanted.

But at fifteen i made new ones. And this time was different cuz we fit instantly. Listen to me, i had made a group of friends, and it felt like a big achivement. And in that friendgroup were the two ppl that today are my someones (id say qpr but we havent discussed about it a lot yet)

So, a few months ago i heard about the aplatonic spectrum and i thought yeah there's no way that could be me, cuz friendships always have been an important part of my life. Like, all the meaningful relationships ive had, were platonic. I mean, yes. I was weird with making new friends, but that's how it is for introverts, right?

BUT then i started to go to language classes and my someones arent there, and for the first time in a decade, i had gone to a place and didnt pressure myself to make new friends. And i notice things i didnt before. Most ppl do have an instict to make new friends. Most ppl dont need a deep emotional conection to call someone a friend. Most ppl dont look for a life-long friendship, or expect them to be.

So, yeah. I think i might be demiplatonic or smth and i dont know what to do with that information.

Yeah, definitely you can use that label if you want to. Your experiences don't sound that off from the way I've see other people describe feeling like they're on the aplatonic spectrum, including the AVEN thread where it was coined.

It's up to you what you want to do with this. All labels are optional, it's up to you to decide if you feel like it'd be useful for you, if you feel a connection to it, etc. It's also OK to decide if you don't feel like you need it. Sometime too it can be nice to figure out something about ourselves, but we don't do much with it.

Basically, don't be afraid to do what feels right for you, Anon.

All the best!

[sapphire-weapon]

Favorite ships in RE verse (Remake included)? Ik you like Ashley/Leon so feel free to scream about them. I'm also curious to know if you have any ships among the side characters.

oof. aight. so.

Leon/Ashley is the only "real" RE ship that I have, in the sense that it's the only one that I actively create and seek out content for. I'll go into the whys and hows of that a little later, but. In case anyone was curious why I go so hard for Leon/Ashley --

Actually. When I reblogged this post initially, I almost tagged it as #WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I SHIP LEON/ASHLEY #THIS IS WHY

I restrained myself because I don't like doing that to other ppl's posts, but. It's a pretty accurate representation of what drew me to the ship initially 18 years ago. Queen/Knight ships are my absolute favorite dynamic for a ship ever ever ever ever. Hands down. No contest. And what are these two -- especially in OG -- if not that?

My second favorite kind of ship? Doomed ones. Missed opportunity ones. "If only things were different" ones. "Our roles in each other's lives will never allow this to happen" ones.

And that's also them.

Real talk? I would actually like the ship way less if I thought for a second that there was a chance that Leon and Ashley could/would actually get together in canon. I'd still like it, but not nearly as much. (which is why it's really funny when people try to be like "it'll never be canon" YEAH NO SHIT I HOPE IT NEVER IS)

So I was cursed to fall super hard for this ship from day one. Like, there wasn't even a chance in hell I wasn't going to ship these two. No other two characters in this series have a dynamic that's even kind of similar to this.

And then the remake happened and it poured even more of the shit I already liked about it on top of what was already there and I was like "mmm yes it's delicious thank u capcom"

So that's my whole thing with those two.

And outside of those two? Well.

Back in the days of early RE fandom, we were so small and so starved for fan content that it was commonplace for people to read fics for ships that they didn't care about or even like lmao. I once read like 80,000 words of a Wesker/Leon fic because that was all I could fucking find that I hadn't read yet (and also wasn't weird monster dog porn -- late 90s/early 00s RE fandom was fucking weird ok).

Those early fandom days were also kind of magical, though, because so much of the canon was wide open to so many different ships and interpretations and scenarios. Like, as time has gone on and RE has grown larger and larger, the world of RE has started to feel smaller and smaller. It's way way WAY harder to write a canon-compliant fic these days, because there's so many moving parts to the story now, and a lot of details have been cemented in place that never used to be there.

Like, it's rad that the canon has so much to consume in it. But it sucks because it feels restrictive as a result.

So, like.

I have actually written fics for so many different, random ships over my 25 years in this fandom, because this fandom used to be more of like a... swap meet, sort of? Where we'd all just take requests from each other and write fics for each other and share them around -- because the fandom was so, so goddamn small back in the day.

I have actually written fics for:

Leon/Ashley (of course)

Leon/Claire

Leon/Luis

Chris/Jill

Chris/Rebecca (seriously)

Chris/Leon

Steve/Claire

Billy/Rebecca

Wesker/Ada (this one was fun, actually. I'd fuck with this one again)

Of course, there were people who were ride-or-die OTP folks (though this actually didn't get really bad or become any sort of real majority in the fandom until after RE4's release, and that's only because RE4 just dumped so much gasoline on the Aeon vs Cleon war holy fuck. RE fandom became a fuckin minefield after RE4), but a lot of us really just dabbled in a bit of everything. So I never really got like... super attached to any one ship, if that makes sense?

There is actually something very nostalgic about Leon/Claire for me, if you can believe it, because the ship was only viable until about the time of Degeneration, so we're going way back. That movie made it very clear that these two were not at all going to stay as active parts of each other's lives, so the ship basically died upon its release.

But prior to that? That was one of THE BIG SHIPS in the fandom. So, the vast majority of fics that I wrote back in the swap meet days were Leon/Claire, because the majority of my fandom friends fell more on the Cleon side of things.

Today, I don't like where their dynamic has gone in later canon. There's nothing there anymore, and I've lost all interest in it.

But... at the same time... when RE2make happened, it was something I thought about revisiting just for old time's sake. I haven't pulled the trigger on it yet, but I do still think about it from time to time. Maybe I'll actually go ahead and do the thing one of these days, now that I'm back in the habit of writing RE fic again.

But anyway.

The point is. Any side ships I have, I really just enjoy in passing. Like, if I see nice art of Chris/Jill or Billy/Rebecca I'll definitely reblog it because I do enjoy it, but I have never even one time gone out of my way to find it or any fics of them. Most of my contributions to side ships are thinkpieces and meta analysis.

Leon/Chris is one of the ships that I've done deep dive meta analysis for -- and half of that was just to piss off fanboys who were already mad about RE6 to begin with, because those fuckers made the fandom UNBEARABLE in the early 2010s -- but I still don't go super hard for them.

Same thing with Remake-verse Leon/Luis. I've done meta for them because people have asked me for it, and I do find their new dynamic absolutely fascinating from a literary/storytelling standpoint. They're another ship I do enjoy, but... again, mostly in passing.

So. idk if this actually answered your question. RE ships are just kind of a weird topic for me in general most of the time, because I went so, so, so long just looking at characters' individual arcs as opposed to engaging in actual ship content.

I've talked about this a little before, but I did go through that period (around 10 years) where I tried to pass it off that I had no ships in order to seem like an "objective" source for canon information (which, in hindsight, is so fucking stupid because I could've just done what I'm doing now and kept objective facts about the series/canon differentiated from my ship shit, but w/e), so in those 10 years, I didn't really engage with RE ships, like, at all.

So now I'm just kind of at the point of "dude whatever idc as long as we're all having fun."

[myaoiboy]

heyy sorry dunno if ur ok with ppl asking for advice, but ive been on the twitter mgs fandom for a little while (mostly as a watcher rather than participating other than liking, rting and occasionally commenting or posting some art) and after a while i realized (a bit too late) that quite a few people that i interacted with are aggressively anti and i dont know how to pull away from them now.

Some were mutuals, i stopped following most of them but they still follow me and im not sure if i should just ignore it or whatever. My main account is very clean when it comes to pro/anti discussion and NSFW in general, altho i do like/rt/discuss a lot of anime art and media that has some questionable content in it (like the monogatari series for example)

Anyway, im just a bit scared they might see these "cracks" and it gets to a point of agression/exclusion/doxxing etc and im a bit terrified of that. Sorry if this sounds dumb, but could i ask you what you experience with the mgs fandom is like on twitter? Have you ever been in a similar situation?

It's totally cool to ask for advice! I'm not sure how much help I'll be though.

I have a twitter that's mostly MGS-focused, but I've been building up defenses against the anti movement for a long time before that. I used to be mutuals with someone who was a really notorious asshole twitter anti, actually. I broke that when they started publicly slandering me, but before they could actually dox me, and they still followed me on side accounts for a couple years after that. I got very careful about vetting who I regularly interact with after that.

I got lucky dropping into MGS fandom, I've found a bunch of people who enjoy freaky stuff as much as I do. But I also had one of those friends get doxxed a while back over ship discourse that was spun as something much worse.

Personally, if I see a callout post and it looks fishy (only includes accusations of fic or art, etc), I will a lot of times block everyone that's retweeted or liked it. It's made me sad a couple of times to break mutuals, but I know I'm saving myself the pain later of potentially seeing them fall for it with me. This, when my friend got doxxed, ended up causing me to block like half of the twitter MGS fandom ngl.

Honestly, my secret to not accidentally making full on anti friends is that when I get into a new fandom, I look up their discourse and who antis say shouldn't be shipped together. Then I look and see who makes art/fic of those ships. If I don't like those ships specifically, I find people who ship both that and whatever I like. Usually I end up liking one or more of them anyways (solimiller...). Or I'll go through that fandom's fics with warnings on them and check out those authors' other works.

That's how I keep accidentally meeting a lot of people in fandom, it turns out. I read a fic, I look at the author's other works or their profile, it has a social media handle, or a discord link, or whatever else, next thing I know I'm talking to them and 5 more people they recommended about whatever freaky kink I found of theirs.

I do actually have a (mostly nsfw) discord link that I would share here, but given some of the weird interactions I've gotten tonight I'm gonna wait a couple days before I post it publicly. It's fandom neutral technically but a lot of us like our war boys (mgs/cod mostly). But uhhh if anybody sees this and wants in feel free to dm me/send an off-anon ask and I'll slip ya a link real quiet.

I warn people some of the heavier content that I regularly post as well, even though I don't explicitly use any discourse labels, but honestly the biggest thing is just pulling your interactions like weeds. People on the internet are, mostly, strangers. You don't like someone's vibes? You can block 'em. You see them being a dick to someone else and don't wanna risk them doing the same to you ? Definitely block. Someone makes posts you don't like and it keeps filling up the tags you frequent? You can block that!

[im-a-goddamn-cat]

coming out

so. um. i've been questioning my sexuality a lot lately and... i don't think i'm bi? or maybe the label doesn't fit me/feel right anymore? idk, either way, i think i'm aroace/the aroace label might fit me better? this isn't the first time i've thought about this, i actually have many times before, but this is the first time i've seriously considered it.

i'm not interested in having a romantic and/or sexual relationship. the more i've thought about it, i realized that most of my sadness and insecurities about the fact i've never done this stuff is bc i'm afraid ppl will think badly of me bc of it, not bc i actually truly want to pursue it. i don't think i really feel romantic/sexual attraction, but even if i did, i still don't think i'd want to do/have these things. which is why i think i'm aroace/want to identify as aroace now.

tbh tho, i feel really embarassed about this. not just bc i'm still afraid ppl will think badly of me bc of it, but also, i was so confident that i was bi for years, so much so that i bought some bi pride pins/things (including a flag...) (dunno what i'll do with this stuff if i do end up not identifying as bi again... maybe i'll give it away or something eventually)

i'm kinda hesitant to call myself aroace tho. i think i have a lot of internalized aphobia/arophobia(?) (towards myself) bc i constantly try to convince myself that i do want romance and sex even tho i don't think i do. (i feel like a freak bc i don't want these things...) i'm also worried that it's just a phase or something or that it's just a result of my social anxiety and other possible brain issues. i'm also really afraid of other ppl's reactions to it, even moreso than when i called myself bi, tho idk why (i'm scared to even be talking about it in here tbh...)

also ik this all probably sounds weird af or makes no sense considering the ways i've talked about certain things on here sometimes but. yeah. idk, it's hard to explain. sorry for being confusing

um. anyways. yeah, idk.

tldr; i think i'm aroace/gonna start identifying as aroace now anyways tho

(i'm out as bi to my parents and brother but i don't think i'm gonna come out again as aroace for a while bc 1. i want to make sure this is the right label for me and 2. i know for a fact that if i do, my parents will immediately hit me with the "you'll change your mind/you haven't met the right person yet/etc." nonsense 😑)

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling

Peter Parker x sibling!reader

warnings: bullying mention, blood mention

a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm

prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling

peter and you were playful kids

you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him

but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more

peter was a genius, we all know it

he was the one helping you with your homework most nights

“peter i cant do it!”

“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”

“can i say a cuss word?”

“sure”

“math is shit”

you would cry during homework a lot

you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours

and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed

peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo

you’d play action figures together

he was batman, you were robin always

“can i be batman?”

“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”

“but i wanna be batman!”

peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard

and he’d pick you up on his way home

on half-days your brother taught you how to skate

you fell a lot

aunt may had to patch you up

“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”

peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him

you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!

being his photography assistant

really you were his assistant constantly

science fair was the most boring day of the year

“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”

*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*

you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead

it made you very mad but it was scary, too

“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”

“oh, you know, just happened”

“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”

“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”

lonely when he moved onto high school :/

but you got there soon enough

you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer

just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama

“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”

“uhh, a coke?”

you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt

you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes

“what the hell, parker?!”

“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”

peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed

trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you

sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)

*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”

“which one of them is it this time?”

the principal’s office was a trip sometimes

you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded

“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”

“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”

no you fuckin dont lmaoooo

it was always something with you two

like always

*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”

*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”

“is that my jacket?” -peter

“you mean my jacket?”

“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”

“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”

and then there was just the little annoying things

“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”

*clicks pen faster*

“you’re the worst”

and my personal favorite

“peter, open the door”

“why?”

“emergency”

*opens bedroom door* “what?”

“aunt may is making meatloaf”

“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”

peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say

soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them

he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp

“YOU SNUCK IN??”

“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”

soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen

“peter??”

“yeah? whats up?”

“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”

“it happened to you, too??”

“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”

yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house

it was an adjustment to say the least

and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset

you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt

maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words

peter was covered in his blood still

“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”

when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room

then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out

peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers

sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you

“we match?”

*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”

ah yes, spider-team

you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter

peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you

you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out

“uh—peter punched me”

“y/n???!!!”

“I PANICKED”

just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky

seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst

peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes

“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”

“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”

he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES

yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this

but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him

“thats my brotherrrr!!!”

cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)

you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off

he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time

seeing harry osborn again after YEARS

“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”

“aww, it’s good to see you, too”

electrooooo

this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock

you and peter weren’t equipped for that

it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that

and several other problems

including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own

*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”

*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”

you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad

“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”

*thumbs up to show youre still alive*

but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen

he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried

“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”

she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed

“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”

he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this

the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time

he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while

“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”

“love you too”

you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up

“im coming with you”

“you’re sure?”

“yeah, im sure”

(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //

[adorpheus]

on fujoshi and fetishization

Lately, more and more, both here on tumblr and on other sites, I keep seeing people spew unfiltered hatred at fujoshi - that is, women who like mlm content such as gay fanfic and fanart featuring men with other men. And I don’t mean like a specific type of fujoshi, like the ones who are genuinely being weird about it, but just like a general hatred for girls (but especially straight identifying girls) who express love for gay romance.

I hate to break this to you all, but women (including straight women!) actually are allowed to like mlm fanfiction and fanart, even enthusiastically so. A woman simply expressing her love of gay fanfic, even if it is in kind of a cringey way or a way that you personally don’t like, is NOT automatically fetishization.

I’ve been on the receiving end of fetishization for my entire life, from a very young age, as many black and brown folx have, so I consider myself pretty well acquainted with how it works. Fetishization isn’t just like, being really into drawings of boys kissing, or whatever the fuck y’all are trying to imply on this god forsaken site. 

Fetishization is complicated imo, and can encompass a lot of things, such as (but not limited to):

1 - dehumanization, e.g. viewing a group of people as sexual objects who exist purely for entertainment purposes, rather than acknowledging them as actual people who deserve respect and rights

and

2 - projecting certain assumptions onto said people based on their race/sexuality/whatever is being fetishized. These assumptions are often, but not always, sexual in nature (like the idea that black people in general are more sexual than other races, etc etc etc).

I’m going to use myself as an example to illustrate my point. Please note this isn’t the best or most nuanced example, but it is the most simplistic. A white person finding me attractive and respectfully appreciating my black features as part of what makes me beautiful is not, on its own, fetishization. A white person finding me attractive solely or mostly because I’m a PoC is now in fetishization territory. Similarly, assuming I’m dominant because of my blackness (like saying “step on me mommy” and shit like that) is hella fetishistic. 

That being said, theres definitely a difference between how fetishization works in real life with real people, and how it shows up in fandom. 

Fetishization manifests in many different ways in fandom, but most commonly on the mlm side of things, I personally see it appear as conservative (or centrist) women who love the idea of two men together, but don’t actually like gay people, and don’t necessarily think LGBT+ people deserve rights (or “special treatment” as its sometimes dog whistled). These women view queer men as sexual objects for entertainment rather than an actual group of people who deserve to be protected from systemic oppression. I’ve noticed that they often don’t even think of the men they “ship” together as actually being gay, and may even express disgust at the idea of a character in an mlm ship being headcanon’d gay. In case its not obvious, this is pretty much exactly the same way a lot of cishet men fetishize lesbians (they see “lesbian” as a porn category, rather than like, what actual LGBT people think of when we read the word lesbian). There’s a pretty popular viral tweet thread going around where someone explains seeing this trend of conservative women who like mlm stuff, and I have also personally witnessed this phenomenon myself in more than one fandom. 

The funny thing is, maybe its just me buuuut.... The place I see this particular kind of fetishization happen most is not in the anime/BL fandom, from which the term fujoshi originates - I actually see these type of women way way more in western fandom spaces like Supernatural, Harry Potter, and Hannibal. I can’t stress this enough, there’s a shocking amount of people who are like, straight up trump supporters in these fandoms. If you want to experience it, try joining a Hannigram or Destiel group on facebook and you will probably encounter one eventually especially if you happen to be living through a major historical event. Like these women probably wouldn’t even be considered “fujoshi”, because that term doesn’t really apply to them given they aren’t in the BL/anime fandom, yet they’re the ones I personally see actually doing the most harm.

Of course this isn’t the ONLY kind of fetishizing woman in the mlm/BL world, there are other ways fetishization shows up, but this is the most toxic kind that I see.

A girl just being really into BL or whatever may be “cringe” to you, or she may be expressing her love for BL in a “cringey” way, but a straight woman really enjoying BL is not, on its own, somehow inherently fetishization. Yes, sometimes teenage girls act kind of cringe about how much they like BL and that might be annoying to you, but its not necessarily ~problematic~. 

That being said, IT NEEDS BE REMARKED that a lot of the “fujoshi” that you all hate so deeply, are actually closeted trans men or nonbinary people who haven’t yet come to terms with their gender identity, or are otherwise just NOT cishet. I know because I was one of these closeted people for years, and I honestly think tumblr and the cultural obsession around purity is one of the many reasons I was closeted so deeply for so long. STORYTIME LOL!!! In my early adolescence, I was a sort of proto “fujoshi”. I identified as a bi girl who was mostly attracted to men, or as most (biphobic) people called it, “practically straight”. I wrote and read “slash” fanfic and looked at as well as drew my own fanart. We didn’t use the term fujoshi back then, but that’s definitely how I could have been described. I was obsessed with yaoi, BL, whatever you want to call it, to a cringe-inducing degree. I really struggled to relate to most het romances, so when I first discovered yaoi fanfics (as we called them at the time), I fell in love and felt like I finally found the type of romance content that was made for me. I didn’t know exactly why, I just knew it hit different. LGBT+ fanart and fanfiction brought me an immense amount of joy, and I didn’t really think too hard about why.

At some point, in my early 20s, after reading lots of discourse™ here on tumblr and other places like twitter, I started to get the sinking feeling that my passion for gay fanfiction was ~problematic~. I had always felt a sense of guilt for being into mlm content, because literally anyone who found out I liked BL (especially the men I dated) shamed me for liking it all the fucking time (which btw is literally just homophobic, like can we talk about that?). In addition to THAT bullshit, now I’m seeing posts telling me that girls who like BL are cringey gross fetishists who inspire rage and should go die? 

Let me tell you, I internalized the fuck out of messages like this. I desperately wanted to avoid being ~problematic~. At the time, I thought being problematic was like the worst thing you could be. I was terrified of being “cancelled”, before canceling was even really a thing. I thought to myself, “oh my god, I’m gross for liking this stuff? I should stop.” I beat myself up over this. I wanted so badly to be accepted, and to be deemed a Good Person by the internet and society at large.

I tried to shape up and become a good ally (lmfao). I stopped writing fanfic and deleted all the ones I was working on at the time. I made a concerted effort to assimilate into cishet culture, including trying to indulge myself more deeply in the few fandoms I could find that had het content I did enjoy (Buffy, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, etc). I would occasionally look at BL/fanfic/etc in private, but then I would repress my interest in it and not look for a while. Instead I would look at women in straight relationships, and create extremely heterosexual Couple Goals pinterest boards, and try to figure out how I could become more like these women, so I, too, could be loved someday. 

This cycle of repression lasted like eight years. Throughout it all, I was performing womanhood to the best of my ability and trying to become a woman that was worthy of being in a relationship. I went in and out of several “straight” relationships, wondering why they didn’t make me feel the way reading fanfic did. Most of all, I couldn’t figure out why straight intimacy didn’t work for me. I just didn’t enjoy it. I always preferred looking at or making gay fanfiction/fanart over actual intimacy with men in real life. 

Eventually, I stumbled upon a trans coming out video that someone I was following posted online, my egg started to crack, and to make an extremely long story short, after like 3 years of introspection and many gender panic attacks that I still experience to this day, I realized that I’m uh... MAYBE... NOT CIS..!? :|

I truly believe if I had just been ALLOWED TO LIKE GAY STUFF WITHOUT BEING SHAMED FOR IT, I probably would have realized I was trans way way sooner. Because for me, indulging in my love of gay romance and writing gay fanfic wasn’t me being a weirdo fetishist, it was actually me exploring my own gender identity. It is what helped me come to terms with being a nonbinary trans boy.

Not everyone realizes they are trans at age 2 or whatever the fuck. Sometimes you have to go through a cringey fujoshi phase and multiple existential crises to realize how fucking gay you are AND THATS FINE.

And one more thing - can we just be real here? 

A lot of anti-fujoshi sentiment is literally just misogyny. omg please realize this. Its “women aren’t allowed to enjoy things” but, like... with gay fanfics. Some of the anti-fujoshi posts I see come across my dash are clearly ppl projecting a caricature they invented in their head of a demonic fujoshi fetishist onto any woman who expresses what they consider to be a little too much enthusiasm for gay content and then using their perception of that individual as an excuse to justify their disdain for any women, especially straight women, ‘invading’ their ~oh so exclusive~ queer fandom spaces.

 god get over yrselfs this is gatekeeping by another name

idk why i spent so long writing this no one is even going to read it, does anyone even still use this site

*EDIT: HOLY SHIT WHEN DOING RESEARCH FOR THIS POST I FOUND OUT THAT Y-GALLERY IS BACK OMG!!! 

[checkfortraps]

I think a lot of people are overreacting about Travis, but it also seems like there are a lot of fans (myself included) who are disappointed in his behavior, not just this stream. He makes a lot of weird no homo tweets and has talked about parasocial relationships being bad while still forming them actively it feels like, and idk he’s been a fixture of internet culture for near a decade now, he should know that his actions have impacts far beyond himself. I dont think mental health is ever an excuse, and it’s weird to see how quickly people will be like “oh but he has NPD” when other people don’t get that same grace. this isnt the first time he’s said something uncomfortable then lashed out at fans for it, and it’s great he apologized this time, but idk maybe we put too much investment into random men online. like all legit criticism of him gets reduced to ppl claiming cyberbullying, and obvi i dont support the people who are doing that, but there are legitimate criticisms of the way he acts online and treats his fanbase, and maybe he does have NPD but anyone who’s been treated for a personality disorder can attest that our symptoms can directly harm people if we aren’t cognizant of that, it isnt ableist to say that

Oh yeah, trust me, I’m fully aware and agree that personality disorders, or any sort of mental illness, aren’t an excuse to act like an asshole. What I’m saying is that even if you go to therapy and work your ass off to not display symptoms, it might still happen occasionally, and being a Popular Internet Man doesn’t protect you from that. So yeah maybe it happened before, but honestly, that’s just how mental illness is - it pops up from time to time no matter how hard you try, and all you can really do is apologize and move on. I’m saying that as someone who has BPD - another very demonized personality disorder. And having ADHD on top of that, well, that can really mess you up re: impulsivity even if you try very hard not to let it. Also, for the record, I’m not even that into the McElroys - I only ever listened to TAZ Balance and nothing else - and certainly not ‘putting too much investment into random internet men’ or forming parasocial relationships with them. I’m just voicing my thoughts as someone who’s also dealing with a difficult personality disorder that impacts my filters and tends to make me act impulsively if I don’t keep a very tight leash on it. (And certain things can make you lose your grip on that leash, like family drama, pressure in your work life, or, like right now, a global pandemic; it’s not a personal failure or ‘not trying hard enough’ when it happens while you have severe outside stressors, or maybe trauma is resurfacing. You never know what other people privately deal with, after all.)

Just saying, someone being famous doesn’t mean they suddenly have a better grip on their mental illness. They’re only human too, after all, and to be human means to sometimes fuck up and yes, even hurt people on accident. The important thing is to own up to that and apologize, and Travis did that, so I don’t see what continuing to call him out is gonna do here. And saying ‘oh but this person did this in the past without apologizing, that means they’re inherently bad!’ is ... not great because people can change and learn and grow, and we shouldn’t decide if someone’s a Bad Person based on some stuff they did in the past. (Unless it’s like, pedophilia or being a nazi or something like that obviously.)

But yeah TL;DR: of course having a mental illness isn’t an excuse for problematic behaviour or absolves you from having to take responsibility for it, but I think we should practise some compassion when people slip up - even if it’s someone famous - as long as they apologize and try to do better. And yes, you can start trying to do better at any given time - it’s rarely too late for that. (And I do think Travis is aware of how questionable his behavior was, because he apologized. If you don’t think you did anything wrong, you’re usually not inclined to make amends for it.)

But that’s just my two cents. I really don’t interact with McElroy content or Travis specificially enough to have a comprehensive opinion of him. I’m just an advocate for being forgiving of people with difficult to handle mental illnesses like NPD, BPD, schizophrenia, etc. as long as they own up to it and try to do better. I’ve been on the receiving end of being demonized for my personality disorder before, and trust me, it sucks. (Though it of course is always valid to be disappointed when someone loses control and lashes out at you. This isn’t a black-and-white issue where only one half of the conflict can be right.)

[thrillridesz]

saw this and think it's real fun so could you pair your moots with a tbz member who they're most similar with in terms of personality?

hello! i’m sorry this is a little late but i finally found a bit of time to sit down answer this ^^ also please don’t be offended if i didn’t include you here, i just went with the names i thought of immediately when the tbz member comes to mind! ><

sangyeon - @moondustaeil

i’ve said this a lot of times and i’m going to say it again. of all my moots, amber is the closest in terms of personality wise to sangyeon! they both make people feel really safe around them and can always be depended on. they are also mature beyond their years and tbh amber just gives me sangyeon vibes...

jacob - @ihearttbz

riane is so sweet and kindhearted, just like jacob. they are both complete angels and they were they talk is just really soft and comforting somehow? i feel like they are both the ones to look out for everyone else before themselves and are people you would love to engage in 3am talks with and talk about anything at all.

younghoon - @jyeonvoir 

i know i said elsie gave me juyeon vibes and i dang near paired her with juyeon again here but at further thought, i thought she might be more like bbang instead. like younghoon, i think elsie can be rather reserved at first but when you start to talk to her, she’s actually really nice and easy to talk to. i’m not actually sure how to explain it but it’s a gut feeling for this one, somehow pairing her with juyeon on this one would feel wrong.

hyunjae - @bobagyu

these 2 people are so funny and their humour is so direct and similar that sometimes i wonder if i’m talking to hyunjae 2.0 but rose ver. the way rose talks and responds to things reminds me a lot of hyunjae. you guys know how hyunjae is always so straightforward and is known to speak his mind? that’s rose as well.

juyeon - @sankyeom

belle and juyeon are alike because i always saw them as the highly talented type but are also incredibly low key and humble about their own achievements. juyeon seems like the kind of guy to really be dedicated to his work, giving himself very high standards and idk why but that’s how i see belle as well. there’s also this softness to the both of them that kinda makes me want to give them a big hug.

kevin - @kpophours

anna is a perfect example of someone who knows when to be serious and when to play around, just like kevin. i feel like her advice is always pretty sound and what she says is what i can imagine kevin saying as well. we haven’t been talking lately but i rmb being so relaxed around her and even at our first convo, i didn’t feel awkward at all. 

chanhee - @tidalstorm

seeing amal’s tags on her posts always makes me think of chanhee for some reasons and just the way she talks too? like she’s sweet and friendly but internally i feel like there’s this sassiness that i normally would associate with chanhee. it’s like they have a soft aura but there’s a little bit of a kick to them as well!

changmin - @atbzkingdom + @fluffytbz

i know we always think of changmin as a very happy go lucky kinda guy ( bruh as im typing this he’s having a vlive LMAO ok by anyways ) and i feel like dee is like that but i think beneath that happy go lucky exterior, they’re both also very introspective people who are actually very mature in their thinking and very intellectual as well. they are people who know how to have fun and you think that that is all there is to them when it’s not the case.

rosie is a huge ball of fluff like changmin tbh!! they’re both so cute and adorable and i think that the way they talk is also quite similar? you know how changmin’s voice is always so upbeat even though he may just be talking in a very casual manner? yeah, i think that’s how i imagine rosie to sound like! honestly? mad changmin vibes from this girl

haknyeon - @mae-gi-writes

at first i wanted to say kevin but after a little bit more thinking, i’m going to say haknyeon. i feel like haknyeon and mae are the kind of ppl you’d turn to if you just want to be completely random and weird around bc you can trust them to act just the same around you. they are both the type of the people you’d love to be best buds with and when you hang around them, you never know what you’re gonna get because one moment they can be quiet, the next they can be the wildest and most boisterous ppl you meet.

hyunjoon - @aveluant1a + @thepixelelf

yu is basically hyunjoon and every bit as cool and chill and catlike as he is imo. she’s not someone of many words, like hyunjoon but when she does say stuff, it’s always very meaningful and well thought out. sometimes her perspective on stuff are from povs that i’ve never thought of exploring at all so talking to her always feel like im learning something new along the way and it’s just like how i think talking to hyunjoon would be like as a guy who had so much happen to him both good and bad.

idk if casey knows this but she’s one of the very first tbz writers that i followed and i’ve read her earliest works and i just rmbed being so awestruck by them? the artistry is actually unbelievable and when i read her stuff, i feel like i can detect this flair in her work that i like to associate with hyunjoon. like they’re both very committed to their work and have this individualistic, unique flair in them. they way she interacts with ppl is also very calm and logical, like hyunjoon which i admire as well! (p.s idk if you rmb but i think i once requested a juyeon drabble from you (#59) and it’s still one of my fav tbz works on tumblr EVER  )

sunwoo - @beomberry

didn't need to think twice lol for sunwoo lol, it’s def gonna be anie. they both care so much for the ppl around them and also put in a lot of effort in everything they do like have you seen anie’s works? the headers and the story... everything is so well executed and you can see how much effort she puts into them. but the biggest similarity is that they’re both not afraid to be themselves and i think that’s what i like so much about them.

eric - @chaoticdeobi + @sunkisseddwoo

yo the amount of energy bea has is freaking insane sometimes. it’s a sort of radiant energy that she exudes that makes you want to hang around with her and just befriend her. talking to bea always makes me so happy and i sometimes catch myself smiling as i’m texting her because that’s the kind of effect she’d have on other ppl! in that aspect, she's like eric imo bc i get the same feeling when im like watching crack tbz videos that feature eric ><

alesha, i would say resembles the softer side of eric. the more mellow but nonetheless cheery version of eric, if that makes sense? alesha is honestly a very lovely person and i think she really takes the time to build on her relationships with others, such as being there for others and making them feel valued much like how i think eric is like!

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Actually for me it's pretty weird that the most popular ship in Free! is Makoharu. I mean, they give me like zero romantic vibes, if not Rinharu I would've definitely shipped Sourin. It's the main reason I hated Sousuke when I watched 2nd season for the first time - I saw him as a threat for Rinharu (now I just don't like him that much, but I decided to let Rin has his best friend, lol). Maybe it's just me loving rivals to lovers :)

Well.. for me Free! was never that kind of anime where there are other ships, but honestly after several years of watching anime and lately discovering that people ship Wei Wuxian with Jiang Cheng I kinda lost my faith in people lol And yes, I also truly don’t get those ships, where there are zero romantic vibes, but I got used to seeing this already.

I think I’ve talked about Makoharu only once, I usually don’t do it cause as a ship it’s so illogical to me that I just don’t see the point of wasting time on this lol I feel like it’s gonna be long answer so I’ll split it and after “***” I’ll talk about my bro-rinharu-shipper Sousuke.

I’m not gonna throw a debate if it’s the most popular ship or not, but I just want to say that I don’t think that it's really called shipping Makoto and Haru, since firstly, let’s talk about Makoto as a character (which is the main problem in this whole thing tbh) cause from what I saw the Makoto the MH fandom created has nothing to do with the real Makoto. Like the dude is scared of dogs, ghosts, bees, water and I forgot what else; covers his eyes when he sees anyone even in swim trunks and gets embarrassed easier than a nun (apparently you can’t even unbutton the collar of your freaking jacket!!!!!!!!!!! oh lord!!!!!!); crumbles under everyone in this anime including Hiyori and can’t even talk back. 

And suddenly like half of this fandom thinks that Makoto is a dominant top apparently. We seriously laughed our asses off seeing that, I mean even my mom (who’s a teacher btw). I’m like... I have a sister who’s majored in psychology and I myself in literature (like I seriously promise we ain’t stupid) and we just seriously don’t understand.. In what Tarzan’s ass does he suit this description? Dude can’t even answer properly while being offended. Like maybe they like Makoto’s twin brother? Because real Makoto does not have any dangerous dark side, seriously, this ain’t “8 dogs of the east” lmao.

I appreciate their friendship at times, but I never was a fan of him, because I don’t really like people who treat everyone equally (friends and strangers) and think that some asshole deserves as much love as the closest friend. I just don’t understand this life position and don’t like those “world peace” guys anyway. I mean, that fish died moment in the books was when my brain died honestly. Like I get it, dude is sensitive, but... seriously?

And for me being kind is not really a personality. I mean, hell, sometimes it’s no good to be kind. There is a fine line between being kind and being a mop you know.

And sometimes his behavior is really cringy to me. Like during the funeral and during Haru passing out in the book and during many things that are very serious. I just don’t think he’s the person you can rely on at times. I mean at first I thought he’s a steady shoulder, but somehow in all serious situations he doesn’t do anything useful.

Like I might be in the minority here, but to me when you know very well that you panic in the ocean you don’t go there trying to save somebody, it’s not brave, it’s just plain stupid (like it’s not like the tent was far, it was fucking next to him, all he had to do is wake up a pro) so by the end we had to rescue two instead of one, just because he’s dumb af.

He also panics a lot which I really hate on people. I’m sorry but like panicking ppl are the only worst. It reminds me of one of my life situation when my sister was badly hurt and we needed to keep our heads cool to act quickly and do what was necessary asap. And I’ve seen ppl behave like Makoto in situations like this and man it’s seriously no fun, it’s annoying. Like when you need to help somebody and someone panics beside you it pisses you off. And he does it even in little things like when he yelled Haru in the ear while driving JUST BECAUSE A CAR IN FRONT OF THEM BRAKED I mean omfg I would seriously yell “shut the fuck up, you pussy!”

And it all honestly keeps getting worse and worse like the way he’s written, his behavior just buffles me so much. Makoto in s3 just murdered me tbh. Like he didn’t help with anything, he didn’t bring anything to the plot, you can just erase him, he only sat there anyways. And the way they pulled his “dream” out of his ass was just a second-hand embarrassment tbh. And he’s not even Haru’s emotional support anymore. He’s just... I don’t get it. There were literally scenes where he was third-wheeling or just forced into that looked laughable. 

Which brings me to the second point. From what I saw many of Makoharu fans are mostly Makoto fans, so they just want what’s good for him, and since he has no life goals whatsoever (like after he dropped his “I dream of making children like swimming” thingy like a hot potato and was like “training children.. but look at Rin and Haru” I really lost my last marbles watching him) they apparently don’t care for what Haru’s dream is and that he said openly that he wants a future with Rin.

Like I get that everyone has their tastes, but like what.. two people who are crazy about each other since twelve and blossomed a dream of having a future together and the thought of being with each other got them through and they finally have what they wanted.. this is not a trend anymore? Mutual romantic love is not a trend anymore? Like I even without novelization can see that (and I quote Rin word for word here) that “every time he sees Haru his heart beats so fast he can’t calm down” and quote “Haru sees Rin and he’s shaking, he closes his eyes desperately trying get rid of the image, but the pain in his chest doesn’t go away”.

I am personally very happy that Rinharu are finally together and will be doing what they wanted in their life by each other’s side, cause they’ve been dreaming about it for too long, they’ve been thinking about it for  years. So not wanting them to have that is very weird for me. And the argument that Makoto somehow better than Rin for Haru is so invalid, I always laugh. I guess it depends on what you want for yourself. But honestly like you guys better find someone who make you want to reach for the stars and make you heart skip a bit everytime you see him.

So I as a huge fan of Haru want my boy to fly and now I have all the canon proof for those who were blind that Rin is the only one (been said) who makes him feel that way. So all those anons who kept writing to me how relay with Sosuke, with Rei and what baffled me the most swimming with Ikuya was just as emotional for them can finally shut it (lmao I’m sorry).

***

Now... Sousuke, my bro, the first Rinharu shipper on the village who helped them to get together is a threat? Okay. Well, I actually like s2, there are some dumb episodes but s2 actually to me showed how rinharu relationships are different from anyone else. There are literally two whole episodes and several scenes of how the bROMANCE prevails over BROmance.

Sousuke and Rin have typical brothers relationship. From their secret handshakes “parent trap” style to the fact that they draw them exactly the same with his real brother. I mean I don’t know if anyone noticed, but in 3x11 they drew Sousuke doing the exact same teasing move with Rin, that his older brother did to him in 3x01, and it’s definitely not a coincidence. Which means he treats him like his little bro, and not just that. I have lots of proof.

You know, I had a friend back at university who had an older brother who she was very close with and she kept telling me about how he kept testing her boyfriends if they’re good enough... I mean Sousuke was doing it with Haru since Rin has told him that he has found his one and only. And it never ever looked like he was possessive of Rin and was like “he’s mine”, it was always like “he’s yours so make sure you make him happy you loser”, he even stalked Haru to see if he still swims alright which is really funny (like okay dad), so by the end of the season when Rin lovingly looks at Haru and says it was all worth it, Sousuke looks very content like he was sure that they’re all good now.

And that moment like in Yakusoku where Rin dropped Sousuke as soon as he saw Haru, I honestly don’t think it’s the kind of jealousy people think it is. It’s like if I asked my sister “do u want to see the new avengers movie” and she’d answer “sorry, I already promised to go with my boyfriend” (not that this would ever happen, but let’s imagine that she found herself her nanase) I would be fucking upset too, but I would kinda get it (if it’s a love of her life I mean). Or like literally imagine you lived with your best friend for years and suddenly she wants to move in with he boo. I mean it happens sometimes. But it’s not the jealousy really, he’s just sad because he knows that he needs to let Rin go and he won’t spend as much time with him as he did before. Sousuke knows how much Rin loves Haru, plus after he saw that Haru is as good as Rin told him, he started to like him himself so he was worried about both of them. 

And I love Sousuke, he’s our godmother. I’d rather have him on the international team than Ikuya but he sadly he doesn’t swim breaststroke or back and we only have one butterfly and one freestyle spot xD

I’m sincerely saying as a person with two siblings that I really don’t see it. It’s just there’s a huge difference between brothers and lovers. And you can’t call Harurin bros. It’s just laughable. Even if you haven’t read anything and just watched the anime.

I mean I think it’s easier to see if you try to imagine Haru in Sousuke’s place in any Sourin scene and see how it would’ve went then. Like do you remember when Sousuke asked for cola and Rin went to get one and there was only one can left so they rock-paper-scissored it and Rin won and drank it?

Now imagine if Haru was there in Sousuke’s place. I can tell you 100% that Rin would’ve just given him the can. And then he would’ve looked at him with that face he makes when he’s content just by watching Haru eat, you know.

I mean it just how I see it. And there are a lot of comparable scenes in s2 that bring me lots of evil joy, but I won’t tell lmao.

But as I said before to me there’s a huge difference between bromances and bromances. So I mostly don’t get most of these ships. I don’t understand anything in this world apparently lol but I only see Rinharu since the first time I’ve watched it, and then I’ve read everything and realized that I’m right, so I’m ok with all this xD 

[camphorror]

the only friend who i coul talk about this stuff isnt really interested in talking about me anymore so im just going to type all this overhsaring cap while trying to calm down from crying for 30 minuets an throwing up from the crying

i have an :::aunt”” who hates me because she is literally a raicst who stopped talking to my mother when she decided to marry someone who isnt from the same ethnicity as her and then of course she hates me for being a tainted person for his horrible offense!! i never really knew her she neve rinvited us to birthdays or anything she did at her house with her evil daughters and we did invite them for birthdays because i just very much remember not understanding why she is so distant (compared to my “”normal”” aunt) and just always wanted her to like me up until i grew up old enough to understand why it was that they ere all like this

now fucking 7 YEARS ago  was at my grandmas and i was looking at old photos and back then i was very much into ww2 and like 30s-40s time period in europe and all and i was fascinated by all the old photos she had and she allowed me to take a lot of old photos some she wanted me to bring back so i just scanned them and brought them back and some she just let me have i swear to god she let me have them some were of people she didnt know she didnt let me have any of her old photos besides the ones that had 2 copies but she pm let me have all of my grandfather’s (who i have never met) photos from the 30s-40s and these photos were my favourite ting in the world i usedto go over them once every month since fucking 2014 to see if they ware ok i recently planned to try and get an album for them bc i dont think it’s kept well in a box if you ask every close friends i have how many times i told them want to see something cool and showed them these photos i love these photos with all of my heart and they fascinate me i even wanted to san all of them and try to find maybe some site or subreddit that can help me translate some of the writings on the back of some of them as idk what language it even is and it’s all in cursive. not once in the past 7 fucking years (ok actually once but it wasnt here it as my evil aunt) did my grandma ever ask me for these photos because she kne wi have them and i keep them and i cherise them 

then suddenly last week when my supposedly normal aunt wwas here because my scumbag aunt visited my grandma when she had fucking pneumonia and my grandma got sick and she’s generally been like weird mentally lately like she’s not 100% in the moment. anyway they were both at her house when she was sick and suddenly suddenly my supposedly normal aunt claims that my grandma wants all the photos back. but does she say it herself? no. my aunt tells it to my mother.i got pissed pff and offended that she didnt call me. i am not a child. after some insufferable back and forth my grandma says she just wants the photos she’s in. ok. whatever. my aunt says she’ll go get copies of them and bring me back i dont care. then suddrnly when i went there to give it to them my aunt asks me if i have more photos and i like yes sure i have [everything i mentioned above] she flis out like i didnt know youhave them give them to me i didn’t know it i will copy of all of them!! like ok first of all not my fault you didnt know you live in almost the other side of the country sincr 2010 youre not suopposed to know that i took photos 7 years ago. notlike i have to share every detail. second of all i liteally did tell her something about this once. ok i tell her i will give her all the photos before she goes home she has a friend who works at a photogrhy store who can copy them for cheap.

so now i know the reason this is happening is bascially my “normal” aunt and ym evil aunt literally manipulate my grandma into caring about these stuff because i know the thing here. THE CRIME here is that my evil aunt does not have these photos. i know she wants them, the reason i took them 7 years ago is that i knew there was no way on earth my mother would have these at any point and i just decided i want them (and my grandmother ALLOWED ME). but whatever. copy the photos have it your way i dont care

now my aunt came to take them todaynd i told her when she called “you  are giving me back the original photos i got them 7 years ago it’s not fair to take them” she says ok. i meet her downstairs and i chat to her and i tell her again “really you give me back the original photos ok” and suddenly when she physically has them iin her hand she says no!!! i will give you back the copies!! i say no youre lying i wouldnt have given shit if i knew you’d do this. she starts making excuses about how they need to have the originals because what f they’d want to give it to a fucking holocaust msueusm. i tell ehr why on earth give a meuseum original photos give them the copies. she says no and i was tired and irritated and i just told her whatever she got what she wants by lying so i dont care anymore. and i left her in the street and went home. i lost it on the way it happened an hour ago and im still crying. i cant believe this shit happened. these photos were mayb one of the most important things in my life. i just cried annd cried and lost it and lost my cool and started screaming and hitting everything. i tried calling her telling her it’s not fair she lied to me why is she doing this. i got sick of playing stupid and i said i know they only did this because they want my other aunt to have the photos. she then accused me (and my mother) of being the liars who took the photos and never said i had them (what the fuck?) and then lying saying we don’t have more (literally not true) and then she called me A CRAZY INSANE PERSON for crying and freaking out and telling her i know why all this shit is happening. and she said she doesnt want to talk to me becaus ei’m crazy and she hung up. i literally fell down crying and threw up and hit myself for being so stupid. i now understand why she wanted ALL the photos. including those of random who no one knows. because they just want them to have it.

i know my grandma doesnt love me as much as she loves them. my grandma also stopped talking to my mother once she got married but then she “got around it” but my evil aunt is he rfavourite daughter and her kids are her favourite grandkids and my “nrmal” aunt and them always meet toether and do family stuff together and never with us and they never see anything wrong with it.they even accuse me of “contributing to this stupid fight” even tho it’s insane to even say this like this thing started 2 years before i was born because of RACISTS and i was treated like shit as a child by these ppl but i’m still seen on par with their behaviour!!! so they dont care. i actually wholly believe my grandma want my shitty aunt to have those photos actually. i fele so stupid. this was my favourite possession in the world and i was stupid enough to let it go. i still cant stop crying until now i actually hate everything. im sick of all those insane people in every side of my favmily there are insane people on my father’s side i have sociopathic theives who dont even care their brother fucking died from brain cancer and most of which i dont even fucking know and on my mother’s side there are just a bunch fo self obsessed freaks who hate me for the crime of being born

[tiptoelightlypastmymind]

alright so life update and stuff cuz i used to do a whole lot more of that on here but!

so you mighta missed my lil tags only post on friday but it turns out my older brother has lymphoma, likely stage 4. they’re running a test today to determine what stage he’s on. he’s always been in poor health but that’s mostly been due to him being very diabetic and not taking good care of his blood sugar. the whole family is really optimistic about it since the doctors apparently are super optimistic. i, however, remain sus af so we’ll see. sounds like he’ll be doing chemo every 15 days, unless they find something else out in his tests they’re running. tbh i haven’t been close to my older brother since we were kids. i actively have avoided him when ive visited home lately, and i clash with him a decent amount when we play WoW as a family on the weekends. combine that with the fact that ive known for years that it was never a question of “if” but only of “when” something like this would happen with him, and... i freaked out for about five minutes on friday when i got the text with the diagnosis, and now im just kinda like life is gonna do what life is gonna do. mb im callous, mb im morbid, but idk, i do gotta be one of the ones to survive and hold things together for the family ya know.

what’s been very weird is having productive conversations with my parents. i have, for all intents and purposes, kept them at arms length for some time now. they didn’t handle me coming out very well ten years ago (ten years! time flies), and truth be told i have some resentment from that still lmao. they didn’t handle me working at pizza hut at all that well either. but now they’re 61, retirement is approaching, and i work with my best friend who is a really fucking good financial planner (which includes helping ppl plan for retirement). so between bringing them on board as clients and the cancer stuff, im suddenly back in the middle of a lotta family dynamics i had intentionally removed myself from.

and i guess what surprises me is that it’s... okay. if i lived at home i would be pulling my hair out. ive been over their quirks and foibles for years and years and years now. but living two states away, it’s all... removed. and that’s nice. it’s not my problem anymore. yeah, i know enough to know that someday i’ll have to help them out in retirement. but tbh im okay with that bc (1) in my current job, when that day comes ill be able to afford that and (2) they, financially, helped me out a lot, and i do want to be able to pay that back, as it were. but it’s so weird being plugged back into the daily going ons and concerns at times. just this time, i have actual power and pull in the conversation, which i never had living at home.

so yuh, that’s where life is. work is really really busy. i have a long weekend coming up and im gonna take a lotta time to just Decompress. probs play a buncha skyrim tbh bc even tho i just got my mod load order set i wanna make more changes so lord help me there. but it’ll be nice to unplug for a bit and just... vibe.

anyhoo, that’s the life update. thanks for reading, toodles~