#i know there is so much more than that and I'm probably grasping at straws here but still

[the-herdier]

Please excuse the cringe but as someone who doesn't have to use a cane but DOES likely have hypermobile knees and also had hip dysplasia as a baby that may still be affecting her gait I feel like I can relate to Viktor juuuuuust a little bit sometimes because that screwed-up gait means I trip and stumble over my own feet ALL THE TIME and it is so annoying.

[lovewithmary]

I need more Alex x reader so maybe a childhood friends to lovers moment, but she’s a redbull driver 👀

Just friends where everyone but them knows they’re bound to be forever and everyone’s like when are they gonna get together. Cute snapshots of just them being sickenly inlove and oblivious. Maybe reader wins a wdc and Alex is so proud he doesn’t care that they’re in public he has to show how much he loves her and kisses her. Or maybe this happens and when one of them is interviewed they reveal they’ve been together for like 8 years at that point of something and everyone’s like jaw dropped shocked because they thought they weren’t together and just pining. Turn it on to everyone else.

CHILDHOOD FRIENDS TO... ALREADY LOVERS? — AA23

summary: in which the entirety of f1 is waiting for everyone's favorite childhood best friends to get together... only for them to be together the whole time

pairing: filo!redbull driver!reader x alex albon

fc: kathryn bernardo

masterlist

notes: this one was so fun to make i hope you guys like it!

liked by georgerussell63, landonorris, yourusername, and 493941 others

alex_albon: in honor of yourusername's birthday, here is the annual photo dump of some of my favorite pictures of her throughout the years 🙂🫶

comments

yourusername: it's been YEARS since this tradition... how have you not run out of photos yet??? ↳ alex_albon: you keep making stupid faces and i can't help but photograph them 🤷

georgerussell63: that dog is afraid of Y/N ↳ yourusername: willow loves me ↳ alex_albon: willow runs away from you every time we go home ↳ yourusername: in my defense, willow stays with your family half the time we're racing, so she probably thinks that we're trying to kidnap her every time ↳ user1: THEY'RE PARENTS YOUR HONOR?

maxverstappen1: this is how i find out that Y/N stole my aviators... ↳ yourusername: sharing is care maximillian ↳ maxverstappen1: how many times do i have to say that isn't my name? ↳ yourusername: your parents named you max emilian, they should've named you maximillian to make it easier ↳ maxverstappen1: redbullracing can i get another teammate? this one's annoying ↳ yourusername: jokes on you, I'm the favorite 🫶 ↳ maxverstappen: you spend more time in the williams' garage than your own team's garage, IM the favorite

liked by yourusername, alex_albon, and 320493 others

redbullracing: happy birthday to ONE of our favorites, yourusername!

comments

user1: redbull is trying not to choose their favorite child LMAO ↳ redbullracing: if we choose one, the other will get grumpy

yourusername: look at how nice this photo is, alex_albon take notes ↳ alex_albon: take notes? who do you think redbull asked for a photo of you? 🤔 ↳ user6: not redbull knowing who to get photos of Y/N from 😭 ↳ user7: alex albon, part time f1 driver and full time photographer for Y/N

user2: alex having unlimited photos of Y/N, Y/N's dog staying with the albon's during the season, Y/N hanging in williams' garage to hang out with alex, AND the fact that alex calls his home hers??? AND THEY AREN'T EVEN TOGETHER??? ↳ user3: ALEX AND Y/N AREN'T TOGETHER??? ↳ user2: user3 NO THEY AREN'T, THEY ARE "BEST FRIENDS" 🙄 ↳ user4: doesn't alex live with Y/N half the time? they're basically married at this point ↳ landonorris: trust us, we've tried getting them together, but both of them are too stubborn ↳ georgerussell63: it's like grasping at straws, trying to get those two together ↳ user5: PLEASE not half of the 2019 rookies trying to get the other half together but failing miserably 😭😭

1193403 likes

redbullracing: Y/N L/N. FIRST-TIME WORLD CHAMPION 👑

comments

user1: MY WIFE IS A WDC LETS GOOOO

user2: is that Y/N L/N who won the 2024 wdc against max verstappen in equal machinery?

user3: congrats on winning champ can’t wait for next season 🎉

user4: once again are we surprised redbull won?

user5: clearly undeserved max was robbed ↳ user6: max isn't gonna fuck you so stop riding his dick so hard

user7: Y/NS MY GOAT

maxverstappen1: congratulations Y/N! very much deserved win for my teammate 🥳

user8: okay but now alex_albon HAS to bag her now, or else someone else will ↳ user9: FR she's a wdc now and even if she wasn't, SOOO many people (including me) want her hand in marriage ↳ maxverstappen1: alex_albon ↳ georgerussell63: alex_albon ↳ landonorris: alex_albon ↳ charles_leclerc: alex_albon ↳ lewishamilton: alex_albon ↳ valtteribottas: alex_albon ↳ schecoperez: alex_albon ↳ lance_stroll: alex_albon ↳ yukitsunoda0511: alex_albon ↳ sebastianvettel: alex_albon ↳ carlossainz55: alex_albon ↳ danielricciardo: alex_albon ↳ estebanocon: alex_albon ↳ zhouguanyou24: alex_albon ↳ pierregasly: alex_albon ↳ kevinmagnussen: alex_albon ↳ logansargeant: alex_albon ↳ oscarpiastri: alex_albon ↳ fernandoalo_oficial: alex_albon ↳ mickschumacher: alex_albon ↳ user10: PLEASE THE WAY THIS SUMMONED THE ENTIRE GRID 😭

liked by yourusername, redbullracing, williamsracing, and 1230402 others

alex_albon: a wdc and her wag 🫶

in all honesty, this was originally going to be a happy anniversary post commemorating our 8th year together, but our anniversary just so happened to coincide with the day you won a wdc, so why not greet you both times?

Y/N, i'm so proud of you and everything you've accomplished. i've seen firsthand what you've done and what you can undoubtedly do in the future and i can't wait to be right beside you when you do it.

i love you so much and congratulations 🫶

tagged: yourusername

comments

yourusername: i love you so much 🫶 😚

user1: 8 YEARS????? ↳ user2: OH I JUST KNOW THE BOTH OF THEM ARE GIGGLING AT THE COMMENTS RN

georgerussell63: YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER ALL THIS TIME? ↳ landonorris: ALL THE PLANNING WE DID, ONLY FOR THEM TO BE TOGETHER THE WHOLE TIME? ↳ yourusername: "planning" you locked alex and i into a closet right before a gp and we almost got in trouble??? ↳ alex_albon: remember when they planned a grid dinner but they all mysteriously had other plans so we just had an impromptu date using max's card? (we didn't steal it, one of the guys stole max's card and gave it to the restaurant) ↳ maxverstappen1: I PAID FOR THAT DINNER? WHO STOLE MY CARD? ↳ landonorris: 🙋‍♂️ ↳ yourusername: thank you both btw 🫶

redbullracing: congratulations to the happy couple ↳ williamsracing: we've been waiting for this ↳ yourusername: thank you for the blessing 🫡 ↳ yourusername: (we disclosed our relationship to our teams bc we were scared that they were gonna make us break up or something if one of us was accused of sharing team info)

user3: this means they were together since 2016 and by the time they got into f1, they were 3 years into the relationship 😭

user4: this is so impressive though??? cause i can barely keep a secret for a couple days, but 8 YEARS???

user5: "a wdc and her wag 🫶" THE HIGHWAY IS LOOKING GOOD RN

yourusername: alex albon, my favorite wag 🫡 ↳ alex_albon: Y/N L/N, my favorite wdc 🫡

[moonflvver]

Starlight

character: Katsuki Bakugou x reader

warnings: angst (with fluff)

a/n: This is probably one of my favorite pieces about Bakugou that I've written. Also, I'm clearing out my drafts so expect an influx of posts over the next few days. And I'm getting back into mha so trust that there will be lots of Katsuki content in the future lol.

w/c: 1297

He was running his fingers through his hair as his jaw clenched. “What the fuck do you want from me then? What do you want? Because I just can’t figure it out. No matter what I do for you it’s never enough.”

You sighed, you were getting tired of having the same argument with him over and over again. And now of course he was turning this on you. Of course Bakugou Katsuki just couldn’t fucking admit that he was in the wrong for once. 

“What I want is for you to care about yourself Katsuki. I want you to stop overexerting yourself and coming home with an injury every other night. I want to trust that you’ll be safe when you’re out there.” You were trying your hardest not to let him hear your voice shake but it cracked mid-sentence nonetheless. 

It was just too much. God you loved him, of course you did. But he was too stubborn for his own good and he refused to stop pushing himself to the very edge of his limits. But that’s the thing about Bakugou, he’s a star. I mean it sounds silly to say but it’s true. 

He’s not just good at what he does, he’s great. But there’s something in him that refuses to let him enjoy what he has at any given moment and that’s the problem. They say that the stars that shine the brightest burn out the fastest and you know Katsuki better than anyone, so it’s clear to you that he’s just one mission away from crashing and burning. Which is why you can’t stop. If he won’t care for himself then you have to do it for him. 

“You don’t get it do you? I can’t just stop doing my job. People need me, people depend on me. I keep this city safe. I won’t drop it all just for you.” He shouted back. 

“Just for me, are you serious? Do I really mean that little to you, that you’d choose your own self destructive tendencies over me?” You’re crying now, tears are running down your face as you look at him. “I need you too, Katsuki.” You mumble, looking up at him.

Fuck. He looks exhausted and you’re sure that you don’t look any better, especially not after all of the crying you’ve been doing. But it’s clear that the long hours he’s been working have taken a serious toll on him and it makes you sob just a bit harder. 

His head is in his hands now as he says, “Shit y/n I didn’t mean that. I just-” But before he can finish you stop him. 

“I can’t watch you implode like this, I can’t stand by while you do this to yourself. I was so stupid to think that you’d actually change. But it doesn’t matter. You’re still that same impulsive, stubborn little kid that you were in highschool.” He knows you don’t mean it, he can tell by the fatigue that’s evident in your voice. You’re done. You’re clearly just grasping for straws at this point. There’s no fight left in you anymore and it’s all his fault. Fuck, of course he ended up pushing away the one person who’s remained consistently by his side.

The person who makes him lunch, who reminds him to take care of himself. Who always texts him on patrol asking him how he is no matter how late it is. He can’t let you leave, he just can’t. He wants to scream, he wants to fucking cry, he wants to let himself crash and burn and he doesn’t want you picking up the pieces. He just wants to be left alone but there’s a part of him that needs you more than the air that he breathes. And that part of him just can’t allow you to go. 

He’s taken you for granted, he knows that. He knew that his rise to the top would put a strain on your relationship but he had convinced himself that he would be able to figure it out. I mean of course he would, Bakugo Katsuki can do anything. Right? Anything except for preventing himself from getting completely and utterly blindsided by his own goals apparently. 

You’re grabbing your keys to walk out and take a breather but then he stands up, abruptly grabbing your arm.

You look up at him in mild shock. “Bakugou what are you-” 

“Don’t go.” He says, and it comes out as a quiet whisper. “Please don’t go, I’m sorry. Okay? I am so fucking sorry, just please don’t leave.” You don’t think you’ve ever heard him sound so desperate.

He looks down, lets your wrist drop. And now he’s just waiting for you to say anything, anything at all. You sigh, dropping your keys back down onto the table. “Okay.” 

“Okay?” He echoes back as his head comes up and you see that his eyes are full of tears. 

You step forward taking him into your arms and he buries himself into your chest as you stroke his back. You inhale that familiar caramel scent that always seems to linger around him, a scent that reminds you of home, a scent that never fails to make you melt into his arms. He makes you feel so at home whenever you’re near him, you just want to hold onto him forever. You open your mouth and just as you’re about to say something to him he pulls away, pausing for a moment.

“I know.” He says quietly. “I know that it’s been hard for you. It’s just that no matter what I do, no matter how much I achieve it’s just that. Fuck. It’s never enough.” There are tears falling from his eyes. His long lashes are coated in the salty drops of water that won’t stop cascading down his face as he continues, “I get into this insane mindset that I could just be doing everything better, that I could be stronger, that I need to try harder. And I end up pushing you away. I end up hurting you and it’s not fair to you and I’m just really tired.” His voice cracks as he finishes and all you want right now is to take away everything that’s weighing on him and put the burden on yourself. 

Really that’s all you’ve ever wanted, just to make him hurt a little less. Because seeing him like this makes your heart ache. How could he ever think that he was anything less than good enough? Katsuki Bakugou is a star. And sometimes his light is blinding and it overwhelms you. But he’s also capable of illuminating everyone and everything around him. And he needs to know how important he is. 

You close the distance between the two of you and you swipe your thumb under his eyes hoping to clear away his tears. Your hand lingers for a moment and then you cup his face. “You are good enough. I get that it’s hard, I know how much pressure you put on yourself. But I need you to know that I see it. Even if no one else does. I see how much of yourself you’re putting into your job, I see how deeply you care.”

 He’s staring at you, practically dumbfounded. But then his eyes soften, “Thank you. Thank you for seeing me.” It comes out almost as a sigh, like he’s finally able to let go of the air that his lungs have been holding in for the past half-hour. His shoulders relax and your hands find their way into his hair as you bring him into your chest once again, mumbling into his hair. “How could I not see you? You’re too bright to ignore.”

[oshinohoshi]

Oshi no Ko Chapter 162 thoughts

Putting aside my issues with the story and characterization, I like this chapter. It makes me feel things which is a strong suit of Oshi no Ko.

Sorrow, horror, and sweetness... it has a little of everything.

As an avid Ai stan, the parts with Ai hit me right where it hurts

Ai's smile below is everything. She loved those kids so much

I'm reminded of the bottom right art. Ai never did get to see their red backpacks but at least the little Hoshino family made happy memories together

Aqua looking after his sister is so sweet. It would hit harder if we had more of the twins interacting past vol 1 but it's still nice

I'm not sure how I feel about Aqua deciding he was reincarnated to protect Ruby. I can't quite put my finger on what's bothering me. Perhaps it's that he's once again making his life's worth revolve around someone else

Or that this disregards one of my favorite lines in the manga: "[God] brought two people who never had a mother in a real sense and a mother who gave birth to soulless children together"

There is a crucial element missing to Aqua's apparent life's purpose and her name is Ai

@aihoshiino's post explains this better than I ever could (thanks @insertusername99 for pointing this out to me)

LMAO I just read Claire's thoughts on the chapter after typing this and she brought this up too. Bc it's so true!

The art is so good. Mengo is amazing

HIKARU

He gets his own damn section because he's just so... AUGH

I'm baffled as to how killing Ruby would bring him closer to Ai

How does "the weight of his sin" help him manifest Ai's presence? Maybe his guilt over his involvement in Ai's death brings her into sharp relief through suffering and embracing his dark side amplifies that? I'm grasping at straws here

I still think his reaction to the DVD was genuine but if so, it feels like he should have had a change of heart

After learning Ai wanted to love him, why would he turn around and try to off their daughter?

Of course his logic is twisted, but it should work with what we know about him!

If you have thoughts, please share

Anyway, I want to compare Aqua's memory of Ai (left) to Hikaru's vision of her (right)

She looks ethereal in both. A fragile being. Ai looks over her shoulder smiling gently in Aqua's mind. She might turn away at any second but she's not gone yet. However, she has her back to Hikaru, beyond his grasp

In both panels Ai is not dressed as an idol. Those who love her remember her as she was when she wasn't on stage (or uhh that's what I want to say but I don't know what to make of Hikaru's view of her anymore)

Moving on...

Shadow Gorou. Until now he's been a manifestation of Aqua's guilt and self-hatred yet now he's dragging Hikaru to the bottom of the sea. Sure, I guess?

I'm probably wildly off the mark here, but it almost shows how harmful Aqua's attempt to kill Hikaru is. Shadow Gorou is scary

And despite Aqua's white stars, he looks horrified and in pain choking his dad. It doesn't look like a triumphant finishing blow

Given the giant moon behind Crow Girl, I guess we should stop calling her that as it seems that Tsukuyomi is not a stage name. But she'll always be Crow Girl to me

Next chapter (3 week break!!): Miyako is not having any of this dying to save Ruby bullshit. She will roll up on a motorcycle and pluck Aqua out of the sea using Ichigo's fishing pole. I have been predicting the fishing pole being a major player in the Hikaru/Aqua conflict for dozens of chapters and I know I cannot be wrong.

[shkika]

Got any Headcanon backstory of how each iterator was named? Like, how did No Significant Harassment get his name? How did Five Pebbles get his name? Etc, etc. I'm curious what you think!

OHH what a fun ask to make up stuff on actually. Sure I have some headcanons. Iterator names are so so fun, because there's a lot you can do with them.

Different local groups could have themes perhaps on their names. Or perhaps their names are phrases or sayings or derive from them. I will go with each colony having their individual meaning for the iterator name.

Sliver of Straw- I've talked about her name extensively here! (x) Please check it out, because I LOVE her name. Basically means needle in a haystack + shortening it to SOS is genius. Just the best.

Looks To The Moon- I don't know if this is the most original take, but I do think her name has a lot of meaning especially if you take into account that she's one of the first or at least an extremely old iterator. I compare it to the landing on the Moon in a way even if it sounds silly. This impossible to reach place is now something well withing reach. Her name is to represent looking at opportunity at the impossible and striving to achieve it. Which can connect to.. well answering the impossible ascension question.

Five Pebbles- This is such a hard one for me. But since the game makes such strong parallels between those two. Making them opposites and such it makes sense to see that in their names. While Looks to the Moon's name is grand and aiming for high achievements. Five Pebbles' name could perhaps be about the smaller mundane things. Finding the solution in a little nook or cranny somewhere close to you. A place where you'd least expect it.

One name is to aim hight and strive for the impossible. The other is about staying low and finding the answer in the small things in life. Which is hilarious if you look at their actual characters. With FP making the bold dangerous decisions and experiments and LTTM vibing like a much more grounded character than him. I love those two.

No Significant Harassment- People find his name really weird which is amusing, because it's really not! To me at least. It can very simply mean "No real harm done". Which I think is probably the intention and it suits his funny guy personality quite a lot. In a way his name could mean peace! A fun hc I discussed with @creeket is that perhaps before NSH was built the colony was divided into four factions/houses that hated each other. The iterator was a reason for them to unite and work on something together which is what the four connected diamonds on his forehead represent.

Seven Red Suns- Okay this is one of the names I struggle the most with. My headcanons about SRS which I've mentioned before is that their colony is very religious and made them as an actual god, treating him as an actual all knowing god much muuch more than the other iterators are treated to the point Seven Red Suns has actual political power (which they really don't want to have). So I think their name is supposed to express how grand and impressive they are. Seven as in complete, perfect. Red is a royal, regal color and of course Suns further cementing their godhood. It makes me think of how the sun is often personified or given a deity to represent it. It can be a cruel leader that dries the land, but also give life and light.

Of course there's many ways to take it in completely different ways. Red stars if I'm not mistaken are the coldest.

Chasing Wind- I also really really like this iterator name. I like to imagine it as either one of two things or both. Chasing after something that is right in front of you yet just barely out of grasp. Like y'know the wind! Or your head is Chasing wind. Having an abundance of thoughts or ideas. Your imagination and creativity running wild and free like the wind!

Unparalleled Innocence- It's so on the nose haha. There is no buts or anything that is a direct opposite to her name in my headcanons. She's a very well meaning innocent person. She was the last iterator to be ever made and lacks a lot more context than the other. She was based of the concept of a child. Which of course children are known for their innocence and unique approach to the world.

[exo-raskreia]

hi my dear, i have to say i love your blog and how you get over those pitiful ichihime statements

i want to know how will you explain or if you have another post that explains... how time doesn't interfere between ichigo and rukia

bc i always see how ichihime fans say how fucked up their ship is just bc of their age. i mean, we understand that time goes different between both worlds, but it's like they just refuse to understand it

also how it is not so much about age but connection, understanding and equal interests, they also seem to forget isshin and masaki

i'd be glad if you can answer, thank you much for all your posts 😭 it makes it easier to like ichiruki, sometimes ichihime fans just make it so hard, like you're committing a crime

Oh, thank you! ☺️

Antis really think an unrealistic age gap is a problem in a FANTASY or SUPERNATURAL setting? Especially in the Bl3ach universe, where there's already a canon couple with that trope? Doesn't it sound silly?

They act as if Mortal X Immortal ships don't exist, as if they aren't a popular trope/dynamic in many forms of media. They call IR problematic because of it, but turn around & ship pairings like Yato & Hiyori (Noragami), Inuyasha & Kagome, Tomoe & Nanami (Kamisama Kiss), etc. Yet, they cross the line at IR?

They conveniently forget or ignore the fact Ichigo is a product of Isshin & Masaki, a canon couple that the antis support & like to use as "parallels" with their mid ship (even though those of us who can read know IM parallels IR). Isshin was probably way older than Masaki, older than Rukia even, yet once again, the antis cross the line at IR?

Hypocrisy, much? They only bring up the age gap when it's convenient for them. When they want to grasp at straws to invalidate IR. But all their arguments have a counter-argument to them 🤷‍♀️. IR is just that powerful 😌.

Ichigo & Rukia vibed so well right off the bat, getting on a first name basis early on, & often seemed to share the same brain cell 🤣.

Souls in Soul Society age much slower & differently than living humans. Rukia was the equivalent of Ichigo's age, so she was "15" in SS terms when they first met. Antis like to act as if she's some ancient hag or s*x goddess who's going to corrupt poor innocent Ichigo, yet Rukia showed to be quite innocent in many matters, not to mention, she thought kisses were only for greetings in one of the early chapters 💀. Out of the two, I'm pretty sure Ichigo would know more than her in these matters...

(I've also seen this stupid argument against HitsuKarin. They be calling Hitsugaya an "old man"!! Like, seriously?! How is he gonna "corrupt" Karin—by giving her a large stack of paperwork?! He's about 10-11 years old in SS terms, the equivalent of Karin's age, who was 11!! Then they both conveniently aged up to 12-13 after the 17-month timeskip... Just what was Kub0 getting at?!🤦‍♀️)

Not to mention, Ichigo felt very at home in Soul Society & got along so well with all the "ancient geezers & hags" there, even going as far as calling some of them by first name & hanging out with them like old buds (such as Renji). No wonder Ichigo didn't feel like he belonged in the Living World much; he really was born in the wrong generation (or world), lol... 🤪 He always showed to be more in touch with his shinigami side... (no wonder he chose that out of all his hybrid sides in TYBW, & yet... 😮‍💨)

Anyway, don't engage with the antis. Ignore/block/mute them. Follow the age-old fandom rule: just ship & let ship. Don't let the antis ruin your fun. There's so much IR content out there 😄.

[beewolfwrites]

Hiii! I've been on your blog for a while and really liked everything you wrote Chishiya related (I'm reallyyy looking forward for the new chapters in vThe Oar in the Sand", I literally spent the whole night reading your series and now I'm hungry for more of it :3)

Anyway besides screaming my love for your writing I came to humbly ask if you could write some chishiya x fem!reader, where his coworkers didnct know he had and S/O at all and are pretty shocked (honestly I ate this prompt every time)

Have a wonderful day and drink water! Can't wait to hear from you :3

Hey! Thank you so much, I hope you enjoyed the series so far, and I've started writing the next chapter of The Oar in the Sand so hopefully I'll be able to update it soon, and I may even post a little snippet of the new chapter later today :)

I really enjoyed writing this, even if it's mainly Chishiya destroying the dreams of one hopeful nurse. Your water reminder was kind of an inspiration too.

Have a wonderful day too!!

-----------------------------------------------

Long shifts were always tiring. Not so much because of the complexity of the surgeries - with my skills, even ten hour operations were manageable, and once you removed yourself emotionally even the most intricate surgeries felt mechanical. No, what drained me most was the small talk, that calm, reassuring bedside manner that I'd spent years mastering. It was like playing a role, one that I felt no familiarity towards, no joy. And then there were the questions…

‘Will I be okay, Doctor?’ 

‘What will happen to me? Will I be able to live a normal life?’ 

‘Will I see my family again?’ 

Such ridiculous questions. Everything in this world comes with risk. They were more likely to die in a car accident on the way to the hospital than on my operating table. And if life was simply a gamble, what difference did it make?

The hospital was quieter now as the night staff began to arrive, trading shifts with their daytime colleagues. Outside, the sky had darkened into dusk and the city skyline burned neon. I headed back to my office, shrugging off my white coat and hanging it on the wall beside a dusty looking picture that had been part of the room long before I moved in. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of leaving the office door open. 

‘Chishiya-sensei?’ 

One of the nurses, Honoka, was lurking in the doorway, her fist raised as if she had intended to knock before seeing that I was there. She was only a couple of years older than me, but clearly lacked the ability to realise when her presence wasn’t needed. Or wanted, for that matter. 

‘Honoka,’ I replied cooly. I was too drained to bother with a false smile. 

Again? Let’s get this over with. 

She fluttered about nervously, one hand hidden behind the door frame. How pathetic. Obviously she was hiding some kind of token - a gift, of sorts. 

‘Is it a bad time? I wanted to catch you before you went home for the day.’

Losing interest already, I diverted my attention to my bag, searching through the pockets and feeling around at the base. Hospitals were funny about their rules, what you can and can’t wear due to risk of infection. Still searching, I cut to the chase. 

‘Did you have something for me?’ 

Her jaw dropped and her eyes averted immediately. ‘How… How did…’ She shook head and revealed her hand. She was holding a bottle of strawberry flavoured water, which she immediately presented to me. ‘I just wanted to congratulate you on the surgery this afternoon.’ 

I glanced at the bottled water. ‘The appendectomy?’ 

A basic one-hour procedure… talk about grasping at straws. 

‘Err, yes.’ She gulped. 

She was unsure of herself now, possibly because I lacked any and all interest. Sighing, I checked one last pocket in my bag before finally finding what I was looking for. The wedding band was cool and familiar in my palm, and I slipped it on my finger. 

‘Thank you Honoka,’ I said, taking the water from her. ‘I think I’ll save this for my wife. She’ll probably be tired.’ 

Honoka’s expression drained of all colour. ‘Your… your wife, Chishiya-sensei? You never mentioned you were married.’ 

I smiled - the same cheerful mask I had worn for years now. ‘I don’t believe anybody asked.’ 

And I don’t believe it’s anybody’s business. 

I slotted the bottled water in my bag, only for Honoka to flinch. ‘I just thought you might have been thirsty.’ 

Hauling my bag onto my shoulder, I slipped past her in the doorway on my way out. ‘My wife likes strawberry. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.’ 

I didn’t bother to look back, even though this news would spread like wildfire around the hospital staff by the next morning. I didn’t care. If anything, it was one less nuisance to deal with; Honoka, or any of the other nurses, wouldn’t be paying any impromptu visits to my office from now on. My thumb stroked the wedding band on my finger, a constant reminder of the only thing that truly mattered. 

As if on cue, my phone hummed in my pocket. It started as a one-off after a bad day, but when one bad day turned into a bad week, a bad year, and then a bad workplace, your post-shift phone calls quickly became a familiar habit. Surprisingly one that I never tired of. 

I picked up, skipping the greetings. ‘You’re finished already?’ 

‘Yep! Just heading to the car now. Where are you?’ 

‘What a coincidence,’ I said, using my free hand to take out my car key. The headlights flashed in the distance. ‘I’m on my way.’ 

You sighed on the other line, and I could hear the muffled sounds of you sliding into the driver’s seat. ‘Today’s really dragged, huh? I can’t wait to see you. It’s been terrible.’

‘Terrible, hm?’ I opened the door to my own car. 

‘Yeah. I’ve been so busy! They just keep throwing work at me and I can’t keep up. None of us can. I don’t know how long I can keep working here, Shuntarou.’

‘Well,’ I said, sliding my bag into the passenger seat. ‘I’ve got a story that’ll cheer you up.’

‘A story?’  

I smiled. ‘You like strawberries, right?’ 

[marta-bee]

I've been thinking about the cleanup after Helene, and while the material needs are so very important, what I'm really grieving just now is the loss of place, and the loss of story that comes with it.

See, so much of Appalachia, at least the corner of southern Appalachia I'm familiar with, is bound up by an oral history, and it's situated in a certain place and in a nexus of particular people as your neighbors. Which isn't to say Southerners don't write, or that Appalachian Southerners in particular don't write. But somehow the story changes. There's an ineffable quality that I loved, hearing scandals and ghost stories and all sorts of local accountings shared at the church youth group camp-out or family BBQ's or over beers sitting on someone's back porch.

And now there's whole small towns, places that almost don't deserve that name, that are just gone and that probably aren't coming back, or if they are, they'll be different. It seems like such a small thing to be struck by. But it weighs heavy on my heart tonight.

So if I may offer some suggestions aside from donating to the recovery (which everyone absolutely should do if they can) : Read an Appalachian story.

The Bitter Southerner is a favorite podcast of mine, though they've not updated in years. The season two episodes "Progress, Heartbreak & Art: The TVA" and "Hillbillies Need No Elegy" seem particularly on point. And the TVA one tells the stories of some real bangers of local women. Just remembering those stories makes me smile.

I've not read it yet, but the way people talk about it in that second episode makes me think "Appalachian Reckoning: A Region Responds to Hillbilly Elegy" (ed. Edward Karschner) is also worth a read. Just on general principles with J.D. Vance in the cultural bloodstream, but perhaps now more than ever.

"Talking Appalachian: Voice, Identity and Community" (Amy Clark) was more nonfiction than story, but still really interesting.

"Ghosts and Haunts from the Appalachian Foothills: Stories and Legends" (Linda Crider) has lots of good local history and .... what do we call urban legends when there's no urban at hand? rural legends? ... Particularly fun in this our season of the spooky.

"A Place Called District 12: Appalachian Geography and Music in The Hunger Games" (Thomas Paradis) This one I haven't read yet, but judging from this interview it might be interesting for people wanting to tap into the region through more fannish lenses.

Honestly, I'm grasping a little at straws here. If anyone has anything worth reading, please let me know so I can add it to the list.

Also, at the risk of being too flippant, I'm wondering if it might be time to take a crack at reading Vulgarweed's and htebazytook's "The Bone Fiddle." Not that there's ever a bad time, I suppose.

Seriously. Seek out these stories if you can, always but especially now, and if you have any good recommendations along those lines let me know.

[platinumgigi]

you know, in light of the Great James Somerton Callout Double Feature™ recently, it made me think back to when i used to watch James' videos. i wasn't an avid fan and never watched his streams or anything so i couldn't have any inkling of the plagiarism on my own, but this all now reminded me of one instance where he made a point of something in one of his videos that was so blatantly wrong, it made me wonder "wait...did you even watch the thing you're talking about?"

and that was with his video on the Owl House, because i believe there was a bit near-ish to the end where he's talking about the open queer representation in TOH, and at the time the video came out the show itself hadn't concluded yet, but he mentioned alongside the not only very canon Lumity as representation the show had to offer, he also mentioned...that the show was hinting at there being a potential romantic relation between Hunter and Gus????

and that had grabbed my attention and made me confused, because...no?? did we watch the same show??? cause if you've watched the Owl House not only would you know that Hunter was 16 and Gus was 12, which is really stretching it in terms of acceptable age gaps, but also...their relationship was not like that, and didn't have any sort of romantic subtext to try and grasp at. the way they hung out and interacted was much more of a "dudes being bros" way (silly headbump handshake, comforting each other in their insecurities and what people saw them as "weak" for), and i'm pretty sure even at the time the episode came out where Gus and Hunter officially became friends, Hunter was already showing signs of crushing on Willow???

so, in retrospect, it now occurs to me that the reason James mentioned that was not because he had simply misinterpreted Gus and Hunter's interactions and the shows intentions for them in the future, but it was deliberately James grasping at straws to shoehorn in some kind of MLM representation into the show where there wasn't any. and while, yeah, in an openly queer show, still not seeing yourself represented kinda sucks, but James Somerton is clearly a person who doesn't value anything in the LGBTQ+ community other than the G. he thinks being a gay man (especially a cis white gay man) is the only real way of being queer, or at least the most "oppressed" type of queer, probably because news media only ever gave significant attention to the deaths of cis white gay men during the AIDS crisis, and that is pretty much James' only point of reference in "historical events that happened to queer people" because god knows he didn't care enough to research and write on his own, let alone research and write about queer history involving queer people who weren't cis white gay men like him.

and it's especially shitty that he that he tries to force this idea of Hunter and Gus having romantic subtext right after he talks about Luz and Amity's relationship. i'm personally not the biggest fan of Lumity within the story of the Owl House, but the representation is really great, especially for something in a disney cartoon. so him trying to then detract all the sapphic representation that Lumity provided and even built the show upon with an MLM relationship that not only is weird in context but also never even happened?? the AUDACITY.

and what gets me even more is that, by the end of the show, while Hunter does end up in a relationship with Willow, it's not a straight relationship. it was confirmed by the show's creator Dana Terrace after it concluded that Hunter is bisexual and Willow is pansexual, and while yeah, real shame that there wasn't any actual expression of those facts during the show's runtime, it's still nice to know that they're queer, and thus their relationship is queer. it's also great to have a canon bi/pan couple when there's STILL an immense infighting problem between bi and pan people thinking that one of the sexualities is trying to erase the other due to their similar (but not same) definitions. so having them not only coexist but also be in love is great!

but you just know, you just KNOW, that even if James' video was made after the show's official conclusion, he would probably either:

A: ignore Hunter and Willow's relationship and try to play on plausible deniability that they're just friends since they never had any great romantic gestures like Lumity's confession and many kisses

or

B: make a shitty argument out of it that the Owl House "could have gone leaps and bounds further with their representation, but Disney was so homophobic that Hunter couldn't possibly get to also be gay, so he had to end up with a woman :("

and while i think both are probably just as possible as each other, my money would be on option B, because god damn it this man can't praise a piece of queer media if it doesn't somewhat center around or involve gay men, and leave it to James Somerton to try and project himself onto the white teenage boy and think that if he were gay, that'd somehow make the story better.

this man actively hates women, especially queer women whom he loves to pretend are actually straight women, and if he had the chance would still do everything he can to try and make a queer relationship between a man and a woman into some woeful narrative of "what could have been" if they just made the man gay.

god, from this singular moment alone where i had a very questionable opinion of James, the knowledge i have now completely recontextualizes everything. this guy is a plagiarist, a misogynist, but most of all, an internalized homophobe who replaces the word "gay" in the content he steals from with "LGBTQ+" and "queer" because he actually *would* just like to use the word gay, but if he did it would make it more obvious that he's plagiarizing, so he instead makes "queer" and "LGBTQ+" be synonymous with gay to make it look like he's actually being inclusive.

and i don't really remember much about his video about Korra, i don't know if i even watched it, so the only frame of reference that i have is what Hbomberguy said about it in his video, and i frankly do not want to go and give James anymore views he has not earned and will never deserve, but i think he did a similar thing in trying to grasp at straws with a potential queer relationship between Mako and some guy who i don't remember (i really didn't watch much of Korra sorry) but that also kind of was not the case of their relationship at all either, from what i've heard. at most it was just people shipping them, especially since the footage James Somerton used in his video was from a fucking ship AMV and not even from any of the high resolution episodes. so again it seems like there's an instance of James trying to shove in an MLM relationship that doesn't exist in a show whose lead representation is a WLW couple.

again i could be wrong, and correct me if i am, but unless there's a convenient re-upload of that entire video on another channel or even another video website, i'm not going to give James' channel any more attention than it unrightfully has.

fuck this guy.

[nashusglasses]

1. sweet, sticky, thick and pretty

(note: I can't stop listening to Bruno Mars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! technically the title is from silk sonic but anywho :3) note 2: Not to be too anecdotal, but I was a loser all my 4 years of university. Don't know why I always have the urge to write about messy college experiences when all I did was make one singular friend. I also only ever went to *one* official frat party! Absolute Loser behaviour!! What I'm saying is I'm projecting hard and LOVE writing about hot asshole men!!!!!!!!! Oh boy!!

PAIRING. gojo/reader SETTING. college au WARNINGS. alcohol and drug consumption, player!satoru but in the sexiest way possible. suggestive content SUMMARY. It's too late for this.

Satoru’s got his white shirt dirty with grass stains. You don’t know what kind of roughhousing Suguru put him through before you got here, but all you know is there’s a keg outside in the backyard and Satoru’s hair is mysteriously wet. You get your answer when he tries to stick his tongue down your throat and he smells too much like beer.

“Absolutely not.” You block his mouth with a hard hand. “Can you please move? I just saw Natsume here.”

“I don’t fucking care. Kiss me.”

“Or what?”

Something coy flashes in Satoru’s face. He probably thinks he’s got you trapped. Hopeless in the dark corner of this hallway, and if you strain your ears hard enough you think you hear weird squelching noises from the room behind you. But all you feel is the annoyed urge to push him back till he stumbles off, embarrassed. There’s nothing more insistent than a drunk Satoru. There’s also nothing you want to punch more than a drunk Satoru.

“I called you. Thirty six times.”

“It was twice, and I was napping after my exam.”

He rolls his eyes. “Pish posh. Listen. Come over tonight.”

“No.” You shove at his shoulder. Except it’s a little rougher than you anticipated, but it’s still nice to see him lose balance. He won’t get angry. Not when he’s horny out of his mind. “I’m finding Natsume now.”

“What if I said pretty please?”

“Then I’ll shove you harder till you eat shit,” you snort. But you don’t get very far when you try to walk on ahead. Satoru’s strong when he wants to be. He’s got a hot hand wrapped around your wrist, a cement block for weight when you try to pull back.

“Stop ignoring me,” he says. “I told you I wanted you.”

“And then I told you I never wanted to see you again.”

“Sometimes I hear things and then I choose not to understand them,” he explains. He closes the distance again. You wonder how many girls have fallen prey to this tactic. Using his height for advantage, the way the corner of his mouth lifts when he wants to look needy. You know he’s grasping at straws, though. His contact list is heavy with the chance to get his lap wet whenever he wants, and even though you’re not sorry for being the additional number, you’re angry that he ever thought you’d be the easier lay.

“Okay. I’ll say it one more time. Just for you.” You tiptoe up to his ear, make sure your every breath lands hot where it’ll make him shiver. “I don’t want you to call me. I don’t want you to look at me. And I want you to leave me alone.”

Satoru’s placid. No expression to dissect when you stand back down, and his grip is lax now. Natsume’s probably halfway done with that first pre-roll she told you she had. You’re almost greedy for the heat in your chest that blunt promises. Sitting on that scratchy couch while your head gets light enough to reconsider Satoru’s proposition. 

You won’t. Even if you do miss the way he feels under you. A part of you wants to say that it’s only out of self-respect, but it’s funny seeing him so desperate. You’ll gloat about it later when Natsume asks you where you’ve been.

Something in Satoru clicks, and he’s grabbing your wrist again. “There’s just–something about you.” 

“Satoru, you’re drunk. We’ve been over this. I know I’ve got godly legs and a tight pussy but you’re just–”

“A man whore,” he finishes for you.

You nod sympathetically. “I’m glad you get it. Do you want me to find Suguru for you?”

“I want you to kiss me,” he complains. “Holy fuck. I’m–I’m fucking drunk. And I told you I wanted you, and I told Akane that she has great tits but not as great as yours, and she slapped the shit out of me, and I told you I wanted you but you don’t want me back.”

“Why the hell would you say that?” You’ve seen her before. Linguistics 202. She’s smart, has killer fashion sense, and Natsume hates her because her eyelashes are long and curled and not fake at all. “You’re so goddamned stupid. I’m going now.”

“I know. I know I’m stupid. Just–before you go.” You raise an eyebrow. “Don’t block my number. Please. That’s all I’m asking.” 

You’ll give him points for begging. The door to the room with mysterious noises opens, and two girls with messy hair filter out noiselessly. No witness to Satoru’s groveling. But you’re kind, so you leave him with a wet kiss to his cheek just to see his eyes go wide. 

“Tell Akane you’re sorry. Then come find me when you’re sober,” you say. 

When you turn around, you text Natsume to find where she is. 

You don’t notice Satoru squeezing his eyes shut, cheeks burning hot, half-hard from the feeling of your mouth on his skin.

[parkminijiminie]

First of all, welcome back!!! I missed you so much!! Your blog is a gem!!! -and are you gonna be back permanently or are you taking another break? Second of all, I haven’t watched the travel show but I saw a lot of clips and honestly, they just seem like friends. Yeah there is some moments where you’re like wow wtf is going on here but if u look at it from a different lense, it seems like friends enjoying time together because of them were busy with their own lives. I also didn’t expect jungkook’s personality to be like that. Obviously idk him in real life so I can’t really know how he acts in real life but idk he just seems weird? But I don’t think there is anything between them. Most jikookers were excited for this how because it was gonna prove that they are in a relationship but honestly they are just grasping at straws at this point, and so am I guess. All the big fandoms had band members ships like on direction and many kpop fandoms ship two members on the group too like winter and Karina from aespa although she was dating that actor💀 and finally I would just like to say that jk was hanging out with tae more than jimin although I think that jk’s friendship with tar isn’t really anything special except for bros having fun but yeah, seems weird. Sorry my thoughts are all over the place lol.

Hi! I am sort of back. I lurk around and react when I have the need to discuss smth with other people. Otherwise, I just long on and read what other people are saying. I think I will never be active full time because I simply don't have the time, but I love this space a lot, so I'll never really leave either.

To me, JM and JK look so far as people who were once a romantic item but no longer are, but remained in each other's lives just more distantly. The whole show looks to me like them, trying to deepen their bond and friendship again. I think during the time the US episodes were filmed, they were both single and probably spending the most 1:1 time for months, so some of their usual old tendencies resurfaced, like old habits. I am very curious to see the other episodes. I know lots of people are waiting for the show to give answers about the nature of Jikook's relationship, but I don't think we will get them but we could at least maybe see that made them enlist together after barely spending time alone in the beginning of the year.

JK definitely spent a lot more time with Tae in 2023 compared to previous years, but I don't think their relationship is especially deep. They're buddies and share similar interests. They were also free at similar times, but I'm not sure there is any deep emotional connection there. The fact that JK called Tae definitely surprised me, but then we all saw how rudely JK hung up on him. I'm finding it hard to say where JK's head was in the first half of 2023, and I sort of can't really connect to JK of Jan-July 2023 like I did in the past. It seems to me he was very determined to be this cool, successful man at that time. It's also interesting that JM didn't spend time with neither him nor Tae up until July last year. That's also unusual.

Shipping aside, these two episodes really made me appreciate JM even more. I've always known how gracious and sweet he is, but he was such a good sport even when very sick, so appreciative, mature, yet fun and light and emotionally present. My standards when it comes to him are always high, and he somehow always manages to surpass them. I think he would be a great influence on anyone, and he especially well balances JK. It's sort of sad how I am already seeing people using JK's words to attack JM when Jimin was such a supportive friend for JK during this whole trip. I appreciate JK saying he is "obviously grateful" that Jimin came. Maybe he already had told that to JM many times, but it was important for the audience to hear it as well, considering how JM gets hate for "forcing JK to go on the trip" 🙄

[snezfics-n-shit]

Sicktember Day 1: I'm Not Sick, I'm Just Hungover

Fandom: Ace Attorney Characters: Adrian Andrews, Franziska von Karma

Notes: First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a rager of a reception that could have served as a convenient explanation for being under the weather the morning after. Adrian attempts to use just that to deflect from the fact she’s feeling unwell on the first full day of her marriage to Franziska. 

     The hotel suite’s curtains remained shut, allowing anyone still sleeping to be ignorant of the fact it was already well into the morning. It was an act of both courtesy and practicality. The night before had been packed with festivities typical of celebrating the joining of a couple in holy matrimony, with (sometimes excessive) drinking being part of it. While Adrian had greatly limited her consumption of alcohol last night due to potential interactions with her prescription medications, she still found herself feeling significantly less than her best, much to her concern. 

Adrian sniffled as quietly as she could so as not to disturb Franziska, who was sleeping soundly next to her, now as her wife. Her heart skipped a beat in joy when she remembered that, leaving her thankful that this malaise was clearly not out of any regret as she had momentarily feared. Adrian tried to remember if Franziska had partook in more drinking than she did last night and wondered if she would wake up feeling the same effects. Sure, nasal congestion and a sore throat weren’t the typical symptoms associated with a hangover, but Adrian’s reluctance to be sick on the first full day of her marriage had her grasping at straws for it all to make sense. 

“Mmn,” Franziska stirred before sleepily greeting Adrian with a kiss on the lips, hardly awake enough to see Adrian’s look of panic at the thought of potentially being contagious. 

The straws in Adrian’s grasp were getting awfully slippery.

“G-Good morning,” Adrian said softly, “Mrs. Andrews,” she thought adding that would be clever now that Franziska had taken her surname. She still couldn’t believe it, such a common, probably boring name like Andrews being the one that her wife found so much comfort in draping herself in. Franziska did say something about how she felt like it was an act of independence, knowing very well how important growing independent was to both her and Adrian both as individuals and as a couple, so there was no arguing with that.  

“Good morgen.” Franziska’s mix of English and German while half-asleep had Adrian’s heart melting. She yawned and finally opened her eyes, then waited for Adrian’s response yawn to pass before speaking with more wakefulness. “Did you sleep well?” 

“Yeah,” Adrian said sleepily, “I think, um…” She bit her lip, unsure if she wanted to start her first day of marriage burdening her new wife with her not feeling well.

 It wasn't like Franziska had ever complained or expressed any feeling of being inconvenienced whenever Adrian was sick before. In fact, the only people Adrian knew to have such a disdain for that sort of thing had now been dead for years. Adrian couldn't help but have a deer-in-the-headlights look of fear at the thought of having accidentally insulted Franziska by the mere suggestion that she would have made the same comments as Engarde or Corrida had made.

“Adrian? Sweetie?”

“I-I think I'm hungover.” Adrian blurted out. 

Truth be told, Adrian had never actually had a hangover before. She attributed this fact to her being made an extreme lightweight by her psychiatric medications, which technically she knew meant she shouldn't be drinking at all, but sometimes a special occasion would arise and she made a small exception just once in a while. 

“Hungover? You only had one glass of champagne for the toast last night, then one glass of Riesling offered by Mama.” Franziska frowned and ran her hand through Adrian’s hair. 

“Yeah, I guess my meds, um, played a part in it, probably,” Adrian did her best to conceal a sniffle through her frustratingly blocked nose, “maybe age has something to do with it, too, since I haven't really drank in a long time.” She laughed nervously, hoping the crackling sound of chest congestion that accompanied such a laugh wasn't audible. 

“I'm so sorry.” Franziska kissed the top of Adrian's head. “I didn't think about that when we made the arrangements for the reception.” She quickly frowned, stirring up some anxiety in Adrian before speaking again. “Mama should have known better than to push you to have more alcohol, too. She knows you’re still working on saying ‘no’ to people. She had no right to do that!”

“No, really, it's fine.” Adrian fought a cough by muffling any semblance of it with her hand pressed to her mouth. “A little hangover never hurt anyone.” 

“But you're burning up.” 

Adrian froze. 

“I am?” 

She felt bad for essentially playing dumb, but at least she wasn't outright denying anything.

“Yes, sweetie.” Franziska ran her fingers through Adrian’s hair. “I guess you're the type to run a fever with a hangover, but I can't say I ever imagined a hangover fever to feel so warm.”

“Hangover fever?”

“One of our family's longtime maids, Martha Brandt, would get them.” Franziska explained. “Though they were always low grade and passed quickly.” She pressed her hand firmly on her wife’s forehead. “Something I can’t say the same for you.”

Adrian did recall hearing of Ms. Brandt before. She was the eldest von Karma daughter’s favorite maid, so it was understandable Franziska would know so much about her.

For some reason, though, learning that such a thing as a hangover fever was plausible just made the guilt of not being completely honest sink deeper in Adrian's stomach.

“I… I see.” 

“Just say the word and I will bring you anything you need.” Franziska stood up straight as she made her declaration. “As your wife, I have every intention in us fighting this hangover together.” 

“Aww, honey.” Adrian hesitated, but she knew now that she couldn’t start this marriage with deception. “Do you think you’d do the same for, say, a little cold?” 

“What? Of course I would!” Franziska answered swiftly. 

“Well, to tell the truth, I don’t think I’m hungover at all. I’m probably just sick.” Adrian sniffled, this time without trying to hide the noise she made in doing so. “I’m sorry I lied, and badly at that.” She couldn’t help but laugh softly.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. Besides,” Franziska leaned in and whispered in her wife’s ear, “ich wusste es*.” 

fin

* - “ich wusste es” is “I knew it” (thanks hinative, btw you dropped this *holds crown*)

[dearweirdme]

Hi Jkk anon!

I admire your dedication, that was a long ass ask you sent me. I'm not gonna post it, because even though you seem to think I know nothing about what Jkkrs believe... I actually do and what you have sent me was nothing new to me. You can actually go through my blog and look at all the asks on this topic... your side has sent me a lot.

What you have sent me is proof of Jm and Jk's close bond and I never said that they aren’t close. They're best friends who have spent a huge part of their lives together, more than best friends do on a regular base. To me, that is the perfect explanation of why Jm and Jk interact the way they do.

You take issue with me saying Jkkrs rely on the "grand moments". I'm not sure what you want from me, I'm really not going to apologize for that. I do actually think that those big moments (Rose Bowl, GCF Tokyo, the bite) are the pillars of your believes. I have no problem with Atomix possibly being a group visit, it would change nothing about what I believe in general. Your side however holds on strongly to those moments, they come back in every argument. You even use them yourself, while trying to tell me it's much more than those moments. I am well aware of all the things you all have decided is proof. But Jkkrs agreeing with Jkkrs doesn't really do much for me. I don't care how big those accounts you sent me are.. to me they're still fanaccounts. Someone with only ten followers might just as well be right as someone with thousands.

I've thought about what it is exactly that makes all of you see this wrongly... and I think I've landed on the unwillingness to place Jm and Jk and Tae into a bigger context. It's as though you pic Jm and Jk and try to make them fit the mold of a regular romantic couple. They never do quite fit the mold though.. and that's when you all start to insert your own ideas. Jm, Jk and Tae are part of a bigger picture though. You have to place them and their behaviors into the context of society, business strategies, group behavior, etc... and all of you don't do that. The biggest thing Jkkrs don't seem to be able to grasp, is that we are not looking at a regular couple in love. The openness and obviousness you all talk about.. is the obviousness of friendship. In SK an in-band-same-sex-idol-couple would never be highlighted the way Jm and JK are. It is just not possible. GCF Tokyo would never have been released if it had been about their romantic relationship. They would never have entered the military together if they were actually together. BH would have tried to hide them (to protect them and their business) not showcase them. So while you think everything you have seen of them is a sign of them being together, I know.. that cannot be true. They're not fake, their bond isn't fanservice.. but their bond is a safe bet for BH. It is risk-free. If you were to take a close look at Tae and Jk (and to me it is obvious you have not, otherwise you would not have sent me some of the JKk examples you have) you would maybe (no probably not.. you seem quite stubborn) see that their relationship actually would fit that of a closeted idol couple. You make fun of our "focus on eye contact, looks, taekook sitting so close to each other lol, or them knowing details about each other" but that is a huge part of how one would recognize two people in love... especially when that couple cannot act on their love publicly.

If you really want me to relay every point you made in your long ask... go through my straws and ship analysis tag... I'm convinced you will find everything there already.

[thoughtspresso]

Hello, sorry I just need someone to voice my op to since none of my circles read or watch OnK :'(

It's so weird to me how Akane's fans interpret that scene when the girls are filming an MV as Akane only having good intention and care for Kana, 'cuz imo even if there is, what she said was still one of her attemps to get Aqua to stay with her. Look at how things played out to her: her business bf wanted to break up, he even straight up refused sex when she offered, and now she found out that right after that he took Kana on to a proper date, Akane's chances were close to zero. She was grasping at straws when she said that and played it under the guise of being considerate about Kana's safety, just like how she said she's okay with breaking up with him yet cried - showing that she wanted the opposite. Because if she only cared about Kana's safety, then what's with the side comment about how actors have it easier? It's like she was saying "Choose me, I'm the safer choice!". I'm not saying Akane didn't have good intention, but it's more like a two bird one stone typa thing where she wanted Kana to be safe and Aqua to continue with dating her (her own selfish want). It was kinda a dirty move from Akane, consider how she knows very well what happened to Ai and how much that'll affects Aqua. Akane always strike me as a good in nature yet also self-absorbed character: She decided what's best for both Kana and Aqua that also benefits her selfish wants regardless of how the other two would feel (& we all know how miserable both Aqua and Kana was during that ghosting period); She decided what to do to Aqua's father without thinking about how he might feel (again); The signs were as early as the LoveNow arc where she tweeted the apology thinking it was the right solution without consulting with her manager first because she thought she knew what was best for her to do in that situation. Even her acting method also kinda reflect this, where if the character's portrayal clashes between her and the director/scriptwriter, she already has a concrete image of the character from her own interpretation and thus has difficulty compromising and adjusting with the production team.

I might even take a wild guess that she was in love (obsessed) with the idea of saving prince charming rather than Aqua himself because to her, their story literally went/was gonna go like the old classic story of prince charming saving the girl -> the girl learns about the prince's past, decides to help him to repay him saving her -> prince charming defeats the bad guy (his dad in this story) with the girl's help -> happily ever after. Akane being a teen + Aqua saved her + it's her first dating experience caused her to have an idealistic view of dating and probably why she tolerated Aqua dating her despite having his eyes on Kana for he did act like the perfect bf on the surface, and that to her was enough to fulfil her prince charming fantasy. Akane is, actually, not that mature in her relationship with Aqua like how her fan keep praising her for, tbh imo it's more akin to what teens think "being mature" is. I know this is one of the appeal of her ship with Aqua, even though some might deny it. As oppose to Kana who might be a potential obstacle to Aqua's revenge whether good or bad, Akane is narratively there as a bonus reward for Aqua after finishing the main quest of avenging his mom if the ship ever be canon again. Akane and Aqua have unfortunately became perfect self-inserts for those who are into revenge and/or trophy girl fantasy (nothing bad about this itself tho). But perhaps because of looking into those fantasy fulfilment rather than the actual context of the manga/anime, they accuse Kana of not understanding the "real" Aqua (I have alot to say about this, maybe 3 paragraphs at least lol) or how she's useless for not helping him kill a person and ignore the entire other half chunk of the story about showbiz problems, where Kana's own story entangle more.

If you've read this far, thank you so so much.

P/s: My wild guess no.2, rather than being a damsel in distress (being Kamiki's target) for Aqua to come rescue, Kana already has a close relationship with Kamiki prior to reuniting with the twins (maybe a mentor-student relationship?). I've always find it weird how Aka just glossed over Kana's past, like he's holding back important info regarding her past that he can't show the readers too soon. So that's why I have this guess. This explains why Aka's been keeping her out of the revenge plot for so long + better than Kana just being a damsel in distress + raises the stakes for Kana (will she choses the mentor who helped her through her dark days being abused by her mom or the twins who she can see the light and bright future in?) + makes Kana a key player in the revenge plot.

Hey Anon! I'm happy to talk to you about some OnK Character Analyses anytime. Sorry to have taken so long to respond, I really wanted to sit down with your question. I've been thinking about this a lot. And I'm afraid my response might be even longer than your ask hahaha!

I want to summarize your main points for everybody else, so that we're all on the same page:

Akane was manipulative when she reminded Aqua that Kana was an idol, and pushed him to choosing her.

Akane wants to reverse the damsel-in-distress and Prince Charming trope, and decides on behalf of others.

Akane fans accuse Kana for not knowing the "real" Aqua

(Bonus) There's a possibility that Kana already knew Hikaru Kamiki.

So, my responses:

#1 Was Akane being manipulative in Ch. 76?

Well, yes. And no.

I actually had a short discussion (argument?) with Skania (who I will not tag for the sake of their mental health, but mentioning here to credit them.) about this very topic. (And I want to thank them for their time and also apologize to have annoyed them!) We have really different interpretations and disagree each other on this part.

To get the fast answer out of the way: Yes, I believe Akane was wholly aware of what she was saying.

She already knew from the Tokyo Blade arc how badly Aqua can get triggered on the topic of Ai's death.

Put it this way: imagine being a teenage girl who was depressed or bullied, and the boy who saved your life started dating you but admits that it isn't because he likes you that way. You start offering him sex if that would fulfill his wants in a relationship, but he tells you that your relationship is about to end soon. You find out from another girl that they went on a date--shopping for suitcases and Brazilian barbecue--a kind of date he never did for you. Then when he invited you to go on a trip, most of what he did was walk you around his hometown to look for something else, and then watch this other girl be really cute in a dress he was stunned by.

Akane is allowed to be a teenager who would want to nudge her boyfriend to stay with her and away from his other crush.

Akane fans like to argue that she was being completely selfless, and was just looking out for Kana's safety too.

I really dislike this reading of Akane's character, because it strips her of agency. Of course she has personal goals, wants, and flaws. She's allowed to be a teenage girl who wanted her love to be reciprocated. She's allowed to be a teenage girl who gets a little jealous, and try as she might to be professional and civil because all of these people are her work colleagues too, she still does things that fulfill her goals. She is allowed to be self-interested, and act on opportunities that align with those self interests.

I also think that if Akane's fans want to believe in her intellect and her masterful ability in understanding people's psychology and detective work, then it stands to reason that they should also believe that Akane was deliberately aware of the effect of what she said to Aqua. She doesn't always make 100% correct bets, but it's reasonable to conclude she made this bet hoping that it could get him to stay.

Akane and everyone else is already aware that Kana is actually not a person who needs scolding on the dangers of being under public scrutiny:

Under any normal circumstance, if Akane simply cared for Kana's safety, she would have simply responded to Kana when she was bragging about the date. Like, "hey be careful about dating in public spaces okay? I dont want you getting in trouble." Or, if she would talk to Aqua about it, she might say, "Please remember to book a private room next time you eat in a restaurant."

But no. If Akane would remind them of safety tips of dating as public figures, it would just lead them to the advice to do Home Dates:

And she doesn't want that now, does she?

She didn't say something as straightforward as that, and neither did the author write it in a more neutral tone. It was deliberately written with Akane implying that if he didn't want Kana killed, he should just date a fellow actor. (Preferably one that the public is actually cheering on to be together, because they were already in a Love Team due to the show.)

I just don't like ignoring what the Author and the Illustrator clearly put on the page for me to absorb the way that it was. I think pretending she was being wholly selfless is an insult to the writers.

#2 Is Akane motivated by the want to Save Prince Charming?

This is the "and no" part of my answer.

When I think of Akane, I don't think of an outright evil person who manipulated Aqua into doing things, wanting to be a hero for that reason. And just like how Tokyo Blade serves as a parallel for the show, it in turn informs us that it is an incorrect interpretation of Saya-hime (or Akane) to think that she outright wants the violence herself.

This part I agree with Skania on: Akane's main flaw is her low self-esteem.

Akane doesn't personally believe that she is inherently worth any value, and any value that she holds is attributed to her hard work.

People have taken notice to the fact that, unlike Kana's experience of abuse and abandonment, Akane had a really good support system behind her when her suicide attempt happened during the LoveNow arc. She had a loving mother and a really kind-hearted manager that believed in her. Yet she clung onto the validation from the agency President more. She ascribes her personal value to the approval of other people, especially positive feedback from her superiors in the industry, her theater troupe calling her a genius, her fans applauding her.

And, on the opposite side of the same coin, she has immense Rejection Sensitivity that makes her extremely defensive when she received cyberbullying, leading her to want to make a public apology right away and appease people.

This leads Akane to be an extremely hardworking person, but also seeking validation and direction from other people (like the LoveNow crew), unable to voice out her views unless it is supported by an authority figure (like when she wanted something changed in Tokyo Blade), and also why when meeting her personal hero and idol Arima Kana in person, when Kana lashed out at her, instead of simply thinking, "okay she's a terrible person, I'm done with being her fan forever", she rejected that idea and went on to study Psychology in the hopes of understanding people like Kana.

All of this manifests in her relationship with Aqua being okay with receiving bare minimum from him, not complaining when she realizes he has feelings for someone else, and also doing anything and everything for him, whatever he needs whether he asks for it or not.

I'll go a little further into my interpretation of her (which I know Akane fans might be resistant to or disagree with, but I hope you stick with me here.)

I also think Akane has a co-dependency on Aqua, and herself has Inverted Narcissism, with Covert and Cerebral Subtypes.

I agree! I sound nuts! This interpretation is crazytown.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) has several subtypes, including Inverted Narcissism, which is a subtype where the person craves the co-dependency on another narcissist. They are self-sacrificing to their primary narcissist, feel they are not entitled to anything, but seem emotionally level-headed and highly attuned to the primary narcissist's needs but not much empathy for anybody else.

Because of how little they think of themselves, it gives them a feeling of power and control to be with a person who believes himself to be so special, to have a crucial mission whose victory she can partake in. In a sense, Aqua was someone Akane looked up to so much for having saved her from her suicide attempt, and for turning the public's view of her from negative to overwhelmingly popular.

Akane definitely thought, "I want to be useful to him! I want to make him happy!"

And this man had his own amazing detective mission going on in his mind and trauma to solve. And so Akane thinks, "Let me solve that for you! Let me be useful to you even if it kills me! Use me as you need!"

They say true love is unconditional and self-giving so I will aide my enabler in patricide to prove my worth to him!

According to Professor of Psychology Sam Vaknin, the DSM gives us 9 criteria to diagnose an Inverted Narcissist, and you need to have at least 5 to qualify. Here are some that he mentioned that I think fit Akane:

The inverted narcissist is emotionally stable, but her self-esteem is very low. The inverted narcissist devalues herself as an offering, as a sacrifice to the narcissist in her life. The inverted narcissist is compelled to filter all her narcissistic needs through the primary narcissist in her life. The inverted narcissist feels amplified by the primary narcissist's own accomplishments. The inverted narcissist is pre-occupied with fantasies [...] of an ideal love to be accomplished through the narcissistic partner.

The inverted narcissist feels like she is undeserving and not entitled to anything.

The inverted narcissist is indistinguishably selfless. She is sacrificial. She is anxious in her interpersonal relationships. She avoids assistance of others at all cost. She can only interact with others when she can be seen to be giving, supporting and expending an unusual effort to assist. So she is sacrificial, she sacrifices herself, but ostentatiously, in full view.

The inverted narcissist lacks empathy like a classic narcissist. She is intensely attuned to others needs, but only insofar as it relates to her own need to perform the required self sacrifice. She needs to self sacrifice in order to obtain her narcissistic supply from her primary narcissist. But to do so, she must be attuned to his needs. So this is her restricted use or leverage of empathy.

The inverted narcissist displays extreme shyness, lack of any real relational connections, is publicly self-effacing, is highly moralistic and critical of others, is a perfectionist, engages in lengthy ritualistic behaviors that can never be perfected.

I also mentioned that Akane has Cerebral subtype, in that she believes she has superior intellect, and the Covert subtype, where she seems altruistic and selfless on the outside but internally she is driven by a self-serving need to be useful, to be wanted, because she chases after this external validation to fill in the gaps of her own self-esteem and call to perfectionism.

There is room to argue that Aqua is actually the inverted narcissist and she's codependent on Akane who is the altruistic/communal narcissist subtype. I reviewed it, but it seems she's the codependent one in this scenario.

I think this answer entails that Aqua himself also has NPD, and I think he does have Vulnerable Narcissism with Cerebral subtype. Kana actually picked up on it pretty well:

He does tend to think that he is the sole person who can accomplish this mission of revenge, even though it took him 4 years to crack a passcode and he actually didn't solve anything himself. Like, ever.

He thinks that he has some superior ability to read people and manipulate them (and it's not necessarily true, he just believes so).

And he likes bringing it up out loud a lot, like I used you, or haha she's so easy to manipulate, regardless if he actually did anything.

When Ruby points out he hasn't made any friends, Aqua deflects and becomes defensive.

He also initially thought that he was going to make it big as an actor after the one time he did well as a child, and entreated Gotanda to take him in, but when his PTSD was getting in the way of his acting, he just chalked it up to saying no actually I was never talented in that, because he doesn't want to admit to others that he doesn't have the supernatural inhumane acting skills he thought he did. (Note: He's not comfortable showing those old acting videos to Kana, but is okay with showing it to Akane for this reason.)

He truly believes he's everybody's savior. Unprompted he just thinks he's some main character that caused everybody's suffering. His Behavioral Self-Blame (BSB) about the death of both of his mothers is a manifestation of his wish for control over the situation, which is a known coping mechanism for those with PTSD or Major Depression Disorder (MDD)

Vulnerable NPD subtypes also feel uncomfortable being praised, which is why he reacts that way with Kana.

Vulnerable NPD subtypes also hate being asked to compete, which is why during both LoveNow and Tokyo Blade arcs, he keeps out of the way.

Vulnerable NPD subtypes really really hate rejection, and that's why Aqua says that he can't confront Kana without a Pieyon mask because he's too weak to be shot down by her again.

Vulnerable NPD subtypes are quite anti-social, but again if you confront them about it, they'll just deflect you and say things like they had no intentions to make friends or they're busy observing or something like this.

I mean, look at this dumbass intellectualize having feelings for girls his age like Akane and Kana:

Kana gets it though:

ONLY A NARCISSIST WOULD (half-joke)

This is of course a reminder that people with NPD aren't inherently bad people, they also don't come in one shape or form as there are many subtypes, and they can swing in severity. Most of them are a by-product of either a traumatic childhood or an overly doting one. Akane and Aqua just simply happened to be both of these.

I just came to this interpretation when I kept thinking of why was it that it felt like both Akane and Aqua were using each other. They both felt miserable and yet felt necessary and dependent on each other's emotional comfort. They both lie to each other too. I think a lot of people have picked up on the "feeling" that the two are using, manipulating, abusing each other, there's something dysfunctional about them together, and yet they also genuinely care about each other a lot. And people couldn't pick the right words to describe that. Co-dependents and their primary narcissists can heal together into a healthy relationship, they don't have to stay that way forever. But for the most part, nobody really recognizes that that's what was happening, because the dance they do together looks completely synchronized as a relationship. Who ever says no to a sweet and completely self-giving girlfriend? Who would leave their boyfriend to die alone in a revenge plot?

ONLY A NARCISSIST WOULD (not joking)

#3 Does Kana know the real Aqua:

I think a lot of Akane fans love to cite that Akane knew about the revenge, the trauma, the using, the manipulation etc. She also knows what he's like when he's being silly and playful.

And I don't deny that Aqua and Akane cared for each other.

But I also think that Kana knew Aqua even when he was being unpleasant, making crude jokes about her when they were kids. Kana observes Aqua's acting meticulously and understands the fine details of his style. Kana also has actual conversations with him about his interests too. They read the same books and they jog together, and they're very comfortable arguing with each other about anything.

Most of all, of anybody, only Kana has pointed out that Aqua has chuunibyou/grandiose thinking, narcissistic tendencies, and that Ruby has a co-dependent relationship with him (even when she didn't know about their past as Sarina and Gorou, she just picked it up as the core reason for their clinginess).

#4 [Bonus] Does Kana know Kamiki?

I don't think so.

When Kamiki opened his production company/agency, Kana would have been about 11yo. It was around this time that she had been recording Full Moon and her other songs, and her career had been on a decline. Then her company left her and she started freelancing instead.

Kana's acting style is also diametrically opposed to Kamiki's acting. Which as Akane has pointed out is similar to Ai's acting style. Kana's acting is very emotionally honest and is rooted in her personal understanding of her own emotions, whereas Kamiki and Ai act to deceive others based on the calculated perception they know the audience wants of them. Given this, it's unlikely that Kamiki mentored her in any form.

Lastly, I think Kana would have been the first person to point out that Kamiki looks like Aqua if they knew each other, even if he was acting as the Miki-san persona.

But I did joke before that I think if Kana and Kamiki met each other, they'd just traumabond and be friends until the cops haul Kamiki away. And that'd be the funniest thing ever.

That's it! That was a very long rant. Thanks for the question.

[love-me-purple]

“Lost & Found.” Shuichi Saihara / Reader (Fluff)

CW: mild cursing

"Shit! Shit-No! No..No..No-" You pulled all the sheets from your bed. "Where is it?!" You groaned in frustration, sitting back on your mattress. You had lost your journal. Normally that wouldn't be so bad. Only you had some pretty embarrassing things written in it. What if it got into the wrong hands? Maybe you were stupid for keeping a journal in a place like this. Who knows what would happen if all your words were shared with everyone?! Especially not the person you were crushing on! It was only a crush, really. You'd only fill pages with your poetry, and sometimes you'd write about your classmates. One in particular though. Shuichi Saihara, that is. Even thinking of him made you smile. Only, You didn't want him to know!

You decided to leave your room and search elsewhere. Hoping nobody had found it before you had. It was so much easier writing than talking to someone about it. Or actually telling them how you felt. Maybe you were kind of a loser. A hopeless romantic at best!  Always wanting more out of things, always wanting to be somewhere else. Oh god, anyone who reads that would know! The last person you would want to find it would be Shuichi himself. How could you make such a foolish decision to leave your room with it? You'd be embarrassed .. you'd probably let yourself get killed instead!

You tried retracing your steps. (with each step further from your room.) Where was the last place you remembered having it? You mentally scolded yourself, being so careless like that? You stopped in your tracks. The library? Maybe someone had mistaken it for a book? You were grasping at straws here. Your anxious voyage began, keeping trembling fingers crossed in hopes that nobody had found it before you. Hopefully, that is.

____

You walked into the library with confidence. Those anxious fingers fumbled with your sleeves, looking around the disheveled area. "There's no way I'll find it in here." You admitted to yourself in a mumble, realizing that even if it was there, there was no way you'd have much luck sifting aimlessly through books. It was an average, run-of-the-mill journal. It would blend in perfectly! You only felt worse now. You absolutely poured your heart out into that journal! You accepted your loss and gave up. (in defeat. in sorrow!)

When looking around the library, you were sure you'd never find it in there. Maybe it was just lost for good. You hadn't written your name in it. So, It could always remain a mystery. (worst-case scenario.) It would still leave you very anxious. Maybe there was somewhere else to look? Geez. You sighed, taking your frustrated and upset leave towards the exit of the library. This was ridiculous!

Your monologuing was cut short when colliding right into someone. Someone - Someone who sounded very familiar. You stepped backward, almost falling over on your own feet. "Sh-Shuichi!" You were a little startled. Even if you wanted to make up an excuse to get out of this situation, you couldn't. "Sorry-! Sorry, I should'-"

He seemed more shaken up than you were. "Is something wrong? Did something happen?" He grasped your shoulders, "No-No .. Uhmn. I was just-I'm fine." You nodded, assuring him of that. He let out a relieved breath. (still sounding anxious!) "I was meaning to talk to you." He said, sliding his hands from your shoulders. The pressure of his fingers was warm. No! Don't get flustered now!

"You ... were?" You questioned feebly, staring back at him. "It reminds me," He ducked his head down, pulling a small notebook from his pocket. "My journal!" You gasped out. Before he could even finish his sentence, you were reaching out for it. He allowed you to do so, carefully handing it over. You noted how his fingers brushed over yours. "I found this yesterday," Shuichi explained. "I wasn't sure what it was or who it belonged to. If it belonged to anyone at all .." He began. "Though, I thought it was unethical to read someone's journal."

You were so relieved! Thank God, Shuichi hadn't read it! You held your journal close to your chest, nodding to his words. "S-So I didn't .. at first." He admitted. Seemingly ashamed to say it. "Huh?" You thought aloud. Quite the loud reaction, might I add. The fingers holding that damned journal to your chest trembled. You were at a loss for real words.

"I'm sorry, y/n." He apologetically spoke your name. "I-Well .." He nervously laughed, sounding taken aback himself. The red flush of his cheeks was easy to understand. "I had this feeling about it. I shouldn't have .. I know that now." His eyes darted away from you. (anxious?) "I knew it in the first place. Maybe it's the curious intuition in me. But, The writing.."

Shuichi looked back to you, "The delicate words. y/n, I  knew it belonged to you." He confessed.  You stared back at the boy before you. Each word that came out of his mouth sounded just as uneasy as the next. (nervous regrets?) You felt the same way. With a lethal grip on your journal, you could only nod. He read your journal. All those paragraphs on how you felt, and what you felt for your classmate? (Indeed, you had pure intentions!)

You were terrified of his next words.

"Did you.." He cleared his throat, "y/n, Did you .. really mean all that?" He questioned. Your hands were sweating now. That was it! He knew .. he knew it all. "Uhmn.." You couldn't muster the strength to keep looking at him. Your eyes met the floor, taking in how close you were to him. You were burning up. A furious red in your cheeks; anxious sweat mixing with your emotions. "You wrote with such honesty and emotion .. You couldn't have been dishonest. y/n." His voice was comforting to you. But he sounded nervous.

Shuichi had gone over the possibility that you felt something for him. More than your friends did. He didn't have enough confidence within himself to believe it though. "If I make you feel that way? .. I don't think anyone has ever thought of me that way." He confessed. (breaths were trembling!) "It's only poetry, Shuichi." You spoke quietly and lifted your head. Just enough to see his eyes. "Only poetry?! No. Your words .. they mean something y/n." He corrected you, reaching out for your hand. "To me, at least." He smiled.

You swallowed, grasping his outstretched hand. There was an awkward noise from him with your warm squeeze. "I-Erm-" He choked up, surprised you'd return the proposition. Or maybe it was the contact. Your sweaty palm pressed against his? "I .. wouldn't have expected this." He glanced at your hand, placing the quivering fingers of his left hand over the connection. "Do you really like me that much?" He asked more clearly, moving his eyes back to you. What nervous blotches of red across his face. You took in a deep breath, acknowledging that he could take notice of this. "It's true. I .. did mean what I sai-Wrote." You squeezed his hand, catching a hum from him. (was he touch-starved or something? nervous?)

"Y/N - I .. I think it's sweet. It makes me happy to know I can make someone feel like this."

Your mouth eased into a little smile, unable to form a sentence. "Especially from you. y/n, I-I'd.." He let out a breath. "I'd like to see where this goes." He carefully moved you closer to him by the wrists. "I confide in you more than anyone else. I trust you. That's all I need right now. To have you by my side like this? Its .. " He glanced down with a small laugh. It sounded more nervous than anything. "I wouldn't have expected it." He said, meeting your face again.

"Mhmnm." You hummed, biting down on your lip. Tears stung in your eyes. (don't cry don't cry don't cry!) "Oh! Please don't cry.." Shuichi let go of your hands, breaking the contact. "Shuichi-" You sniffled, taking the moment to pull him against your body. Close enough to press your arms against his back.  He was quiet at best, hesitant to return the embrace. "Y/N .. I .. When we get out of here .. I'll make sure to keep you this happy." He spoke calmly, running his hand down your head. As happy as I am to be around you .. You inspire me." Shuichi continued, holding you there comfortably - leaving you to hear his heartbeat. "So, Thank you, y/n."

His words were .. hopeful to hear. It was quiet. Your foggy mind felt quiet, taking in this moment. It was the most comfort you had felt this entire time. Hopefully, you could hold onto that.

__

You ran your hands down his back, slowly pulling away from him. You only moved a few inches away. Enough to see his flustered expression again. "Oh, Y/N." Shuichi lifted his thumbs to your face, rubbing the wet skin. "Let's stay as positive as we can. Okay? I know .. I feel better having you here."

You nodded, returning a warm smile. You held his hands there - enough to press his palms to your face. Enough for his fingers to press against your warm cheekbones. A quiet sigh from you, and you closed your eyes. (leaning against his hands.) It was easy to feel better around someone you loved. When flickering your eyes open, you'd stare back at Shuichi. Such a sincere expression from him. He was so kind to you. That meant something. When seeing how stray hairs would fall past his eyes, now .. you had someone to hold onto.

"Shuichi," You parted your lips to speak, but his name came out quietly. "Hmn?" He brushed his thumbs against your cheeks. (maybe wondering what you'd say next?) What warm skin pressed against his.

"This is how I want to remember you. Just like this." You said, pressing your fingers against his hands. "Here, with me." You sniffled, unable to hide your smile. "Without worrying about anything. That's what I want to remember." Your voice broke at the last vowel, catching a view of the empathy in his reaction.

"I'll be sure of that," He nodded, steady to keep eye contact. "I'll do what I can to leave here with you. I promise." He assured you, voice soft and full of determination. Bittersweet. That's all you needed. For the past days following, you'd write about the losses. At least you had someone to keep by your side.

[tsuyoiqueen]

‼️ SEASON 2 FINALE SPOILERS ‼️

i'm having trouble articulating my thoughts but it just hit me how much change loki has brought into mobius' life.

that conversation they had in the past, when mobius told him about how he spared a variant and his partner had to do the pruning instead, got high praise for it and became a judge... i don't know, you can tell he doesn't regret it but he's so resigned. he knows that he isn't as trustworthy in his co-workers' eyes since he made that "mistake" — that his empathy, his showing mercy, his "heart of gold" isn't appreciated at the TVA. it never was and it never will be. he was demoted from his job and transferred to the department of analysts, fated to get buried under paperwork and never really seeing his purpose as anything but a heavy burden.

and then loki shows up, someone that mobius already admires, someone that he has been watching in the sacred timeline for at least a while, and in spite of all the signs pointing to trouble he chooses to trust him. a decision that, at first, feels like another error in his judgement, another failure added to the list, when loki bails on him in season one, but turns out completely different from what he imagined.

loki isn't just mobius' friend, loki represents hope. he's the only living proof that mobius' kindness isn't a flaw because loki appreciates that in him! he trusts his leadership and listens to him unlike anyone else in the TVA has ever done. but more than that, loki doesn't expect anything in return, there's no hierarchy, no give or take, they just make sense together. it's the first relationship mobius has ever had where there's no stakes, he doesn't need to be anyone's favorite analysist to have a place in loki's heart. loki just likes to be around him, whether they're working on a case or simply eating pie and chatting. point is: they make each other happy.

so at the end of season two, after loki steps through that portal and doesn't look back, mobius is grieving. he hasn't just lost his best friend, someone he deeply cares about; he's also mourning the loss of his hope, his purpose. so much so that he's grasping at straws to keep himself afloat.

you see, in season one, if mobius could go anywhere he would've gone to find himself in his own timeline. but when loki asks him about it in season two, he says that he's not even curious about it because that isn't his life, the one he has at the TVA, with loki and the rest of his friends, is. that's why when he's starting to lose hope that loki will come back, left alone at his desk, he decides to look for his file and see that other life. everybody else is moving on, so why doesn't he?

that's when i realized how much he loves loki because even when he's there, faced with a life he could only dream about (he even tells sylvie that his house is the best in the block and he likes the front yard. please, he loved it) he still hesitates. he doesn't want to move on, he wants to wait, if there's even a small chance that loki might come back to him.

to me, that's where we're shown that they're equals. we start the season getting introduced to a loki that's desperately slipping through time in search of mobius, running straight to him as soon as he's finally recognized. then midway through, we understand how much mobius, the TVA and the other characters mean to him and just before the season finale, loki stares into mobius' eyes and tells him "it was about what i wanted."

now, we're watching the same exact scenario. mobius probably tried to look for loki but couldn't go far as he doesn't travel through time like him, so he resigned himself to wait until it got to the point where he was aware he needed to move on. and yet, he can't. it's not about what he should or need to do, it's about what he wants and that's beautiful. it's such a relief that loki finally found someone that perfectly matches his devotion, after all the heartache and loneliness. i can't wait to see what they do next, that ending was nothing like i expected but heartbreakingly beautiful nonetheless.