#i know that part is a shocker

[theres-a-man-in-the-archives]

𝙈𝙮 𝙋𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡 𝙏𝙎𝙎𝙈 𝙈𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙖 𝙃𝘾𝙨

(𝙛𝙩. 𝙎𝙝𝙤𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙧/𝙈𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙖/𝙅𝙖𝙘𝙠𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙒. 𝘽𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙚)

[✖] Warning: Lengthyyy postt... (again), angst, mentions of depression, toxic masculinity, repressed homosexuality, smoking, drinking, implied murder/killing, lmk if anything else needs to be tagged ✉ A/N: This one was actually set up as a draft and has a few hcs that were inspired a WHILE ago by @voltrixz and @mr-voorhees-husband, (and the movie Sinners too apparently...) so shout out to them and go check out their works :]!!

•----------• pt. 1, pt. 2, pt. 3

► Now Playing: Hozier - Angel of Small Death and The Codeine Scene

𐚁 I think about the fact that one of the decors in Montana's Big Sky bar quite literally says:

"NO FIGHTING, SPITTING, GAMBLING, CUSSING, SCRATCHING!"

... My personal hc of that is that Montana had placed up that set of rules a long time ago, back when he had initially gotten Big Sky for the first time. This would be at a time where he was also in the process of starting out his job as an Enforcer or at least a job akin to it (basic mercenary work) before his big score working for Tombstone. It'd be a time that he'd still have some level of morality in him and a wish to be "good" but, gradually the rules just begun to lose its meaning altogether. Good men and heroes don't get paid to just simply be good, unfortunately. So, he probably stopped reinforcing the rules, at least some of them. Hell, he probably doesn't even actually follow all if not a few of them.

But he still keeps it up, just as a reminder.

𐚁 Montana's got a pick-up truck. I'm sorry. He just genuinely gives me the vibe of some guy who owns a pickup truck and HEY. It's incredibly convenient for him I'd like to think (probably has a Dodge Ram or something too... Although, you can honestly change that because I am NOT familiar with car breeds, forgive me). With his bar, I'd imagine he'd probably need something to bring in new furniture he'd find or other.

He'd use it in his line of work too, when Big Man sends out a hit on a particular unlucky individual, the bodies might need moving or shovels need to be brought, maybe a can of gasoline. It's efficient, convenient and it's his.

—Said pickup truck would also probably be old, like really old. Definitely was used before he got proper ownership of it. It's black, and its interior has a bit of worn down leather seats. He's probably got one of those little pine tree air fresheners that smell of "black ice", and more often than not you'll find half-empty cigarette boxes, or a pair of leather gloves, a tool he'd been looking weeks for lost beneath the seats, something like that.

𐚁 He's got another vehicle too, and it wasn't initially intended to be there but... I'd like to imagine that Montana in his youth at least had some and if not one irresponsible spending. Maybe it was his first big paycheck and he started saving before this came along and caught his eye... That being a motorcycle (grrr... My head has been filled with biker montana propaganda... grrr...). Nights of adrenaline sparking joy rides, and reckless runs have now been reduced since he moved to the big city. It's hard to relive nights of speeding down long roads when the traffic is that bad, so the bike kind of just sits neglected from time to time until the opportunity presents itself for him to feel a bit young for once. Plus, it occasionally gets its moments of daylight whenever his truck ends up breaking down. It's always good to have a backup.

𐚁 He likes country music, that much is probably a no-brainer, but if we're being specific. I think he'd like country blues, and if I was to be REALLY specific about it—Chicago and Texas blues. He's got a few records and discs that sit around in his office in the back, probably stuff like "Pride and Joy" or "Texas Flood" by Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble, or maybe even "At Home Alone" by John Primer, just something he can play in the background while drinking by himself in his bar on late nights.

𐚁 Montana's not entirely a traditional man, and he's not that close-minded I'd like to think... BUT, that isn't to say that he still has a few beliefs in him that might be considered old fashioned to a degree like the idea of "being a man" or some other subjects. Something about the idea that a man must carry all the responsibilities and the weight of it by himself, is a thought that's embedded itself into his mind, hard-wired. The idea of being emotionally vulnerable and open about his emotions, past, or even everything he's been through so far is a no go. Crying? Hell no, not in front of people and not ever. He will not allow that for himself or the privilege of anybody else seeing that. Some of his beliefs almost and UNCOMFORTABLY border on toxic masculinity, the idea of "controlling your emotions" instead of letting them run rampant runs in his mind and it joins hand-in-hand with the unhealthy notion that "you shouldn't be emotional or open about what you're feeling."

𐚁 A few other ideas that he holds himself up to is to refuse the offer of help, not when he can do it himself. He's faced the experience of how cruel and unforgiving life can be in the form of a complete punch to the face type of lesson, and stack that on a few times? He's practically grown used to it. He's incredibly firm about how self-sufficient he is, and he's stubborn about it. Asking for help from anybody but himself is another cemented thought process he has, and he has the attitude that he trusts himself first over anybody else (even his own Enforcers). Unless he's in a state where he's in a physically/medically critical situation or straight up knocked out, you are going to be going through the TRENCHES trying to get this man to genuinely get off his high horse about receiving help, this extends to confronting him about any emotional/mental problems he has.

𐚁 There's also natural part of him that refuses to allow people to get incredibly close to him. That isn't to say he is incapable of having any close relationships whether it's romantic or platonic. He just prefers (for the better) some sort of distance just enough to sever off the feelings in him and lie to himself that whatever relation he had meant nothing, or at least not as much as he'd like to lie to himself about. He is in a dangerous line of work, the idea of having a relationship, much less a friendship that forces him to care about someone deeply is admittedly terrifying when they could disappear from his life at any moment. It's why he mainly sticks to either having some friendships, and hookups/flings. Leaves him often feeling lonely at times, but in his personal mind. It's for the better of himself. A self-made martyr designed for nobody else but him.

𐚁 Speaking of intimacy/closeness/and relationship stuff like that, I also think he'd also have a bit of repressed homosexuality. It's already scary enough for him to be with a woman and care for them deeply, but being with a man? That's just as equally conflicting, and if not more so. It's not to say that being against homosexuality was something that was heavily pushed down his throat. He probably had some sort of experience with religion at some point in his life. He probably never even thought of how he personally felt about it until a situation would have to arrive and slap him in the face over it. He's not used to the idea and even at times when he gets as close as he is with a man, he would never realize how close or how comfortable he is until it bites him in the ass and haunts him. He wouldn't even have a proper reason of why it's wrong or how it's "not right" in the first place which would send him even further down the pit of questioning himself.

𐚁 I'd also headcanon him personally as a man who's not really religious either. Faintly monotheistic? I think he'd at least believe there's some kind of Hell or Heaven, or maybe even some kind of god up there but it's not really a strong belief either. He's more than open to using the lord's name in vain rather than keeping it clean off his tongue. He just barely dances the line between atheist and monotheist, with some ghost of Christian belief in him. (Also, it's more fun that way to make him go insane when he can't directly use God/religious beliefs as a reason to why he feels "pressed" about his homosexuality. Yess... Make this man dread. Make this man search for a reason he has no belief in. Make this man question himself... Gay thoughts... Gay thoughts be upon ye—also if it matters to anybody, probably not, I personally headcanon him as at least bi with a little male-leaning preference... Then again I do it with every character I come across. Call me King Pride-ass)

𐚁 Used to be a huge flirt when he was younger, definitely was more prone to a few hookups and flings in his time. He considers himself a little bit "rusty" now but give him a shot of confidence or at least a moment and he'll be talking like he's right back to his old ways. (I'll probably talk more about the dating/romantic aspects of this man in a future dating hcs list)

𐚁 He's got a bit of a smoking/drinking problem. Smokes from time to time, but it's not always. Drinking though?? That, is more accessible to him, and he is absolutely a drinker. It used to be worse in his younger days when he was more "free" and reckless but as he's gotten older. It's gotten... A little better?? (I say this like it's a lot but actually it just translates to: you'll find him shit-faced and/or passed out in an alley a lot less, now the rarity will just be more found in his bar after closing hours). With his smoking problem, he probably has a tendency to just tell off people who hassle him about it that he's either far too deep into it now to stop, or the golden "I can stop whenever I want to"

𐚁 Montana is not by any means an insecure man about his looks. He's not overly narcissistic about it but he's at least comfortable in both appearance and his body. Doesn't stop him from being a smidgen surprised if someone openly brings up how handsome he looks.

𐚁 He likes escaping out of the city at times with nothing but a pack of beer out in the back of his truck, and a place out in the woods somewhere or just.. Somewhere far enough to get away from the city and clear his head. Sometimes he'll bring Fancy Dan or Ox along with him, sometimes he'll go alone. He mainly does it because he misses the countryside, and there's times where he might've regretted abandoning his old life as a cattle hand to go live his life dancing on the edge of a knife like this as an Enforcer... Or maybe that's the bottle talking for him.

𐚁 Not entirely all that artistic? (Look at the interior of his bar.. COUGH) Like I mentioned in my past hcs about him being at least good at origami, I'd like to think he's capable of making a few crafted pieces, but it's not entirely great. I think the closest form of art Montana might be able to do is whittling, and that's mainly because he works well with a knife. If you ask him to make you a drawing, he probably won't be as confident but given that he's also quite a bit of an observer to things. I think he'd be able to sketch and if not roughly draw something up for you that looks something like this. Also WILL NOT believe you if you tell him it looks good.

𐚁 Speaking of being an observer, he has a habit of people-watching. It kinds of ties into the fact that his main and natural role is being a strategist. Just sits back and analyzes a situation before calling the shots. I mean that as well as in... Wherever he goes, he at least ALWAYS gets a good look of the room he's in and if it's a cafe, restaurant, or some other type of establishment. He wants a spot that sort of gives him the entire layout of a room. He wants to know EVERYTHING that is happening around him in the very case that someone is following or is looking to take him out (working for the Big Man means that he's also prone to being victim to any of Big Man's enemies by association. Also undercover police or some other...). If he's also spent a long enough time at a place or around certain people, he's grown a habit of knowing people by their footsteps before they walk through the door.

𐚁 Probably has a bit of depression but he won't realize it in himself. Unless someone else starts bringing it up for him to realize it? He'll be in a bit of denial. He's trying to dig himself a rather modest/humble life but that's kind of hard when your life is being threatened at all angles. He's cautious all the time. Trusts no one. He's killed people. It's obviously done things to the man that he'd rather stuff in the back of his mind or into the bottom of a bottle. He's mentally fatigued and constantly stressed out. Doesn't show it at all but... He's tired. Always. And notably brushes it off like it's nothing. Always.

𐚁 He knows some other languages besides English, not well enough to write, and probably knows enough to speak with broken words... Which in his mind, means he can't speak it for shit either. But he DOES understand some words, he's in a job where he's been tasked in killing people of all backgrounds, meeting people from all kinds of backgrounds, and obtaining knowledge about certain people. He runs a bar, he's definitely heard a few things. I'd imagine at least one of the language he somewhat knows is Spanish, a few words here and there, a sentence or two, but don't try and start a conversation with him. He'll probably lose you at around the first five to three words. EVEN IF HE DOESN'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT SOMEONE IS SAYING, I'D LIKE TO HOPE HE'S A CRITICAL THINKER. I'D LIKE TO IMAGINE THAT HE CAN PIECE TOGETHER WHAT A FEW WORDS MEAN... Like, based on the tone and at least a couple familiar English words that sound the same.

𐚁 Pretty decent with a guitar, he probably used to be a lot better in his youth and could play a few songs, but he's gotten a bit rusty nowadays. He's too busy with everything else and doesn't really have time to pursue more "leisurely" hobbies. Probably has forgotten a few notes, but he can technically play it. That's about it.

𐚁 Not entirely the best cook per say, but he’s incredibly competent in the culinary field. I mean this as in, for a guy who SHOULD legally have a food facility health permit—along with a few other things, Montana should at least be able to know the basics (and this is probably the most random headcanon I came up but as a kid back then who had to go through a Food Protection Course in my culinary class and it was MIND BOGGLING. You bet I’m projecting onto this completely random cowboy). You can at least trust him in the kitchen not to turn it into soot and cinder. He knows how long food should stay out. He knows the FIFO method. He knows the temp for meat without looking it up. He knows food safety. You can TRUST HIM I PROMISE.

𐚁 That being said, he's a basic cook. Knows how to season his stuff (ooughhh I hc him as a bit of cajun in him ooough), and if he's making food. He's at least making good food for himself. He doesn't care how it looks sometimes, as long as it tastes good and keeps him fed. He's happy about his work. Probably knows at least one recipe (maybe gumbo)

𐚁 Probably knew how to dance once in his younger days too, maybe a swing, a waltz, or even dare I say square dancing, but nowadays. He's not prone to "making himself look like a fool," at least not without a bottle or two first so he can swallow his pride with.

[biscuit-crawl]

Headcanon:

Shadow Milk figured out he was genderfluid loooong before being put into the tree. This is just currently his most preferred form:

if you ask him about it though he will lie. and it'll be different lie everytime; "are you genderfluid" "no im a cis guy" "are you a cisguy?" "no im a nonbinary" and so on

[lavenderfeminist]

When you say you don’t want to be someone’s “experiment” what do you mean? Even if you dated a woman who came to the conclusion that dating women wasn’t for her how would that make you an experiment? That women would be bisexual still. Bi women who don’t want to date women are still bisexual and so are bi women who are more romantically and sexually attracted to men. Do you think straight women “experiment” with dating lesbians? I thought someone like you would disagree with that. Bi women like this aren’t less bi than your bi gf who has only dated women. Neither of you are holier than thou.

Nobody’s calling into question anybody’s bisexuality, you fool. I simply don’t feel like being the way someone finds out they don’t want to date women. Because ‘experimenting’ very much includes being bi, dating the same sex, and deciding you’re not into it? And not wanting to experience that kind of rejection is a perfectly valid and human desire? What a genuinely insane thing to say to me. The fact that you took that as me calling into question someone’s sexuality and not expressing that I’m literally just not interested in wasting emotional and physical energy on somebody who’s not serious about me is fucking INSANE, by the way.

[xxang3l-trapxx]

sometimes I believe people get way too into fandom, especially on Reddit. Like this fictional lady’s actions are abhorrent? Have you ever considered taking up macrame? I’m so tired of fandom stuff sometimes.

[starry-sophrosyne]

@sopping-wet-cat-wizard you being a sophist blog (which i dont understand how i didn't realize this before between your purple top hat pfp and the word WIZARD in your name) makes a lot more sense now.. the grief you cause to us is equally as tragic and soul crushing as the grief sophist causes the boys when he "throws for the 30 thousandth time in a row"... /j \( °□ ° \）

also that coin-flip idea is PETRIFYING please do it lmao, both your fluff AND angst drabbles are actually so good, no matter what you write it's gonna be great, it's just a matter of whether or not in ultimately crushes my soul and heart or not ( ˙ ˘ ˙ ;)

i do /gen fr adore your writings, and between u and @pen--anon , i have a lot of pressure regarding making my pc aus into good fics that ive promised... ahaha... (´ ᗜ｀)'

ur response to my king of soph angst response that i made out of sprite is hilariously sophist-esque, ur such a menace swizard ╥▽╥ /j /lh

[sabo-torao]

HELLO??? SABO'S NEW VIVRE CARD GOT RELEASED!!! i don't know what's up with today and all the new content but i won't complain!!!

even if i always feel iffy about vivre cards since their "canonicity" is veeeeery up to debate, i do enjoy finally knowing that sabo's least favorite food is truffle <3 it also makes a lot of sense since it's considered a luxury food and always served at fancy meals... god i love him.

i'm also THRILLED to know that his bounty is currently "unknown". can't wait for that 3+ billion beri bounty hehe

anyway, what striked me the most are the very last lines of the tweet.

"is this checkered fate a coincidence? or perhaps..."

that. if you follow me/know my blog/read my url once you should know exactly what thought process that single sentence prompted.

but putting my rose-colored goggles aside...

i've been thinking about the will of D. often ever since i've started reading one piece, and i have lots of thoughts and theories about it that i don't think i'll ever have the courage to elaborate and share with a wider public outside my own circle of friends. one of those silly thoughts though, i'm willing to share for this particular case.

i think there could be the possibility of the D. being not only connected to bloodlines, but inherited through strong bonds and twists of fate. i know ace and luffy put the D. in sabo's name for fun when they were kids, but how the three's bond is always described to be everlasting, a true example of family and brotherhood...

that "or perhaps" could then signify that sabo is indeed a D., too. which would open up a lot more roads, and prompt a lot more questions about what is the will and how do you inherit it and why.

it's just so interesting! i really hope more will be revealed about it soon!!! especially in relation to sabo!

[connormoving]

the world if sims 4 had more lots per world

[voltrixz]

also. how cooked am i if. I had a dream last night. And let me preface that I like hardly have dreams. And if I do. I usually forgot about most of it by the time I wake up. Ok so now if i told you, if shocker and electro showed up in my dream last night. Something dramatic was going on, polycule break up i think. Ended up kicking the stupid cowboy's ASS!!!!

[nexus-nebulae]

it's kinda funny how similar to my grandpa i am considering my birthday was three days after his

[robingivesmemagic]

figuring out really cool ideas for my new au but i cant share any of them cuz nobody knows abt the au and i havent drawn any designs 4 it yet 😭😭😭

[mcmansionhell]

new jersey "19th century" "eclecticism"

It's always funny to me when new wealth tries to imitate old wealth, but in a very specific way: by trying to reproduce old ways of building that are no longer viable via mass produced building materials and contractors who are better than average but still not quite in the legion of the bespoke. It's rarely the case that houses are fully "custom" these days -- the amalgamation of all the different parts in a new formation is the "customization" at work. As we can see in this example, this is a truth that is often covered up by excessive decorating.

This 5 bedroom, 6.5 bathroom house, built in 1997 (shocker) will run you an extremely reasonable $3.5 million big ones, but I say extremely reasonable because it wants to be a $10 million house but doesn't quite get there - after all, it's made with drywall. The architectural style is not really anything in particular -- though the front entrance would like to recall the Tudors. Really it is trying to emulate an existing pastiche style, namely the eclecticism of the 19th century. It also doesn't do this well.

No stately manor is complete without dueling staircases. Also, I don't know how to explain it, but every room in this house longs to be a bathroom. Or a powder room. A really big one. It's probably the floor, and the wallpaper. This is just the appetizer for the main attraction:

Jules Verne larping is so rare in McMansion Hell that you have to commend them for trying. I'm kind of obsessed.

This room is so important to me. It's like if an Olin Mills (dating myself here) set was an entire room. A sense of watching someone in one's own house, performing "dinner." Also I would slay as the swan knight, I have to say, so I get it.

What happened to baskets hanging from the ceiling and powder blue walls and porcelain lined up on the picture rail?

I have seen columns terminating into soffits that would make Scamozzi cry.

In Big America bathing and lavishing is a spectator sport.

Ok, again, the palette of this house is basically The Polar Express mixed with a very bizarre hotel lobby.

The chimney hole is sending me because that does appear to be a working chimney. Like, can you see the smoke come out? Who knows!

Anyway, happy Thanksgiving to everyone, and I'm especially thankful to the folks who sponsor me on Patreon! If you want to see more scenes from this house, that's the place to do it!

If you like this post and want more like it, support McMansion Hell on Patreon for as little as $1/month for access to great bonus content including a discord server, extra posts, and livestreams.

Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar! Student loans just started back up!

[solxamber]

And I Choose...

In which you pick the dorm you want to join

Part 1: Choose Us

Heartslabyul

You never thought you’d see the day when you’d be willingly moving into Heartslabyul, but here you were, standing at the entrance with your bags (and Grim, who was loudly complaining about the lack of a tuna fountain).

Riddle was the first to greet you, looking as composed as ever. “Welcome to Heartslabyul,” he said, hands clasped behind his back. His voice was formal, but the slight upward twitch of his lips betrayed his excitement. “I trust you’ll follow the rules properly now that you’re part of this dorm.”

Before you could respond, Trey appeared beside him, looking far more relaxed. “We’re glad to have you here,” he said with a warm smile. “I already saved you a slice of cake��figured you’d need a snack after all the chaos today.”

Bless this man. Truly.

“Say cheese!”

You barely had time to process Cater’s voice before you were blinded by the flash of his phone. “Oh my Sevens, the new dormie vibe is immaculate! This is totally going on Magicam!” He snapped another selfie, this time pulling you into the frame. “And guess what? I’m using my clones to make moving day a breeze! You’re welcome!”

True to his word, Cater’s clones were already grabbing your stuff. You stared in disbelief as three Cater clones carried a single small bag together while laughing like they were in a cheesy sitcom. Efficiency clearly wasn’t their strong suit, but at least they were trying.

And then there was Ace and Deuce. The moment you’d announced your decision to join Heartslabyul, the duo had erupted into what could only be described as the most uncoordinated, chaotic victory dance you’d ever seen.

Deuce was spinning in circles like he was trying to summon a tornado, while Ace alternated between bad breakdancing and finger guns pointed at no one in particular. “We won! We won!” they chanted, completely ignoring the way Riddle’s eye was twitching in disapproval.

“You know,” you said, watching them make absolute fools of themselves, “I think I made the right choice.”

Grim snorted from his perch on one of your bags. “You’re surrounded by idiots, henchhuman.”

“Maybe,” you said with a grin. “But they’re my idiots.”

Savanaclaw

The moment you announced that you’d chosen Savanaclaw, chaos erupted.

Jack’s tail started wagging so hard it was like a propeller trying to take off. You half-expected him to lift into the air. “You won’t regret it,” he said, his usually calm voice brimming with excitement. “We’ll make sure you feel at home here.”

Ruggie wasted no time grabbing you in a headlock and giving you the noogie of a lifetime. “I knew you’d make the smart choice! You, me, and all this bribe cash—donuts for a whole year, easy! You’re officially part of the Savanaclaw hustle now!”

“Ruggie, I swear, if you ruin my hair—”

But the true shocker was Leona. At first, he played it cool, lounging lazily in his chair like your decision was no big deal. “Hmph, took you long enough,” he said, voice dripping with fake indifference. But then, as if he couldn’t help himself, the corner of his mouth lifted into a smug grin.

And that’s when he pulled out his phone.

“Leona, what are you doing?” you asked, watching as he sidled up to you with the confidence of a king.

“Taking a picture. Gotta rub this in a little.”

Before you could protest, he snapped a selfie of the two of you. Then, with the smoothness of a man who knew exactly what he was doing, he took another.

One went to Vil. The other went to Malleus.

The captions?

To Vil: "Looks like I win. Stay beautiful, princess."

To Malleus: "Better luck next time, lizard."

You groaned, face burning. “Leona, was that really necessary?”

“Absolutely,” he said, slipping his phone back into his pocket and smirking like the cat who caught the canary. “Welcome to the pack, herbivore.”

Despite yourself, you couldn’t help smiling. Maybe Savanaclaw wasn’t such a bad choice after all.

Octavinelle

The second you announced you were choosing Octavinelle, chaos descended faster than you could say “Mostro Lounge.”

Floyd let out an earsplitting cheer and, before you could blink, scooped you up and tossed you into the air like a beach ball.

“Shriiiimpy’s ours now!” he cackled, catching you before launching you up again like he was testing the room's ceiling height.

“Floyd, please!” you yelled, your life flashing before your eyes as you flailed. “I don’t wanna meet the Great Seven this soon!”

Eventually, Jade stepped in, placing a hand on Floyd’s shoulder. “Now, now, Floyd. Let’s not accidentally lose our new dormmate to an untimely accident. We wouldn’t want to scare them away before they’ve even unpacked.”

Floyd, grumbling, set you down but kept a firm arm around your shoulders, as if daring you to second-guess your decision.

Jade, meanwhile, adjusted his gloves with a serene smile that somehow felt a little too sharp. “Welcome to Octavinelle,” he said smoothly. “It’s wonderful to have you with us. I assure you, you’ll be treated with the utmost care here.” He looked way too pleased with himself, his gaze lingering like he was already planning your initiation.

Then there was Azul.

Azul looked like he’d just won a billion Madol jackpot. His eyes gleamed, and for a moment, it seemed like he was going to break into a little dance right there in the lounge. But then, with Herculean effort, he composed himself, clasping his hands and clearing his throat.

“Well, this is certainly a wise choice,” he said, adjusting his glasses like he hadn’t just been doing mental cartwheels. “I’m honored you’ve decided to join Octavinelle. We’ll make sure all your needs are taken care of.”

But then… he slid a very familiar-looking contract across the counter.

“Of course,” Azul added with a dazzling smile, “just a small formality. You see, this document simply guarantees that you’ll remain a proud Octavinelle student until graduation—oh, and a few other things.”

You stared at the contract hoping it might spontaneously combust. “Azul. I literally just joined. Can I have a minute to breathe before I sign my soul away?”

“No rush, no rush!” Azul said, not looking remotely deterred. “Take your time. But, ah—do keep in mind that signing sooner ensures the best possible benefits…”

As Jade handed you a drink (which you were very suspicious of) and Floyd draped himself over you, already talking about all the “fun” you’d have together, you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d just made a deal with the devil.

Still, as Azul's smug smile softened into something almost genuine, you decided it wasn’t the worst deal in the world.

Scarabia

The moment you announced your decision, Kalim was on you like a whirlwind.

“YOU CHOSE SCARABIA!!” he yelled, tackling you into a hug so tight you thought you might pop like a balloon. Before you could even gasp for air, he was spinning you around the common room like you were some kind of trophy he’d just won.

“This is AMAZING! We’re gonna have so much fun! Parties! Feasts! Adventures! You’re gonna love it here!” Kalim babbled, his infectious excitement making it hard to even feel dizzy despite the rapid spinning.

“Kalim,” you wheezed, clutching his shoulders, “please put me down before my life flashes before my eyes.”

“Oh, right!” he said, gently setting you down with a sheepish laugh. “I got carried away. I’m just so happy!”

As you tried to steady yourself, a much calmer—but no less relieved—voice spoke from behind Kalim.

“I’m glad you chose Scarabia,” Jamil said, his expression carefully composed, though you could see the faintest hint of relief in his eyes.

You blinked at him, surprised. “Really?”

“Yes,” Jamil replied, crossing his arms and glancing away like he didn’t want to elaborate. But after a beat, he sighed and added, “You’re one of the few people here who keeps things balanced. With you around, maybe I’ll have a chance to stay sane.”

Your heart melted a little at his quiet admission, even as Kalim jumped in again, declaring he’d throw a party that night to celebrate your move.

“Let’s get food! Music! Oh, we should decorate your room! Jamil, can we hang up those golden lanterns I found last week? And—”

“Kalim,” Jamil interrupted, pinching the bridge of his nose but unable to hide the faint smile tugging at his lips, “one thing at a time. Let them breathe.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the dynamic, feeling a warm sense of belonging already. Scarabia might be a lot, but it felt like home.

Pomefiore

The second you announced your decision, Epel let out a laugh so sinister it would’ve sent chills down a villain’s spine. “HA! TAKE THAT, EVERYONE ELSE!” he shouted, whipping out his phone to snap a selfie with you.

Of course, Rook popped into the frame with perfect timing, striking an overly dramatic pose as Epel sent the picture straight to the first-year chat. “VICTORY IS OURS!” was the only caption needed.

Before you could even blink, Rook had swooped in, bowing theatrically. “Ah, mon cher, your choice has blessed us with the most magnifique triumph! Let us celebrate with a dance!”

You barely had time to protest before he twirled you around the room like you were in some period drama. His excitement was so contagious you almost didn’t notice when he dipped you dramatically—until you felt yourself tipping back, only to be caught by Vil.

“Honestly, Rook,” Vil sighed, steadying you with all the grace in the world. “Do try not to give them whiplash their first day.”

He turned to you, his usual poised demeanor firmly in place, though the faint smile tugging at his lips betrayed his true feelings. “Welcome to Pomefiore,” he said, his voice soft, yet commanding. “You’ve made the right decision.”

You were about to respond when Vil, ever the perfectionist, immediately began fussing over your uniform. “Honestly, you can’t be seen like this. Your tie is uneven, and—Rook, stop standing there and help them adjust their collar properly!”

As Vil worked, meticulously fixing every little detail, you couldn’t help but notice the gleam of satisfaction in his eyes. He might’ve been playing it cool, but there was no hiding how pleased he was to have you here.

Epel and Rook, meanwhile, had started arguing about who deserved the credit for your choice, while Vil made it very clear that it was his influence that sealed the deal.

And just like that, your chaotic new life in Pomefiore began.

Ignihyde

The moment the words “I’m choosing Ignihyde” left your mouth, Idia froze like someone had yanked his power cord out. His hair flickered erratically, and for a second, you thought he might actually pass out.

“Big Brother? Big Brother!” Ortho shook him frantically, his mechanical arms making a soft whirring sound. “Stay with us! They chose us! You can’t glitch out now!”

Idia finally snapped back to reality, though his face was still pale, his hair sputtering like a dying neon sign. “W-Wait, what?! You…chose here? Are you serious? This isn’t like, a prank, right? Did Ortho bribe you?!”

“No pranks, no bribes. I chose Ignihyde,” you said, trying not to laugh at his genuine bewilderment.

He blinked rapidly, processing your words. “B-But the PowerPoint… I thought it was way too cringe. I mean, I had like, fifty slides about food optimization! Who’d find that interesting?! You were supposed to be like, ‘Ew, no thanks,’ and leave!”

“Actually, I thought it was kind of cute,” you admitted, watching as his hair flared a bright pink.

“C-CUTE?! AAHH, STOP, YOU CAN’T JUST SAY THINGS LIKE THAT!” He clutched his hoodie like his heart was going to short-circuit.

“Big Brother, calm down!” Ortho interjected, practically beaming. “They chose us! Isn’t this the best thing ever?”

Idia rubbed the back of his neck, his gaze darting anywhere but at you. “…So, uh, do you wanna, like…celebrate or something? I-I mean, I know you probably have better things to do, b-but if you wanna…play a game or something, that’d be cool.”

You smiled. “I’d love to.”

Ortho let out an excited cheer and zipped over to hug you tightly, his arms surprisingly warm. “Welcome to Ignihyde! I’m so happy you’re here! This is gonna be the best!”

As Ortho buzzed around you, already listing off all the things you could do together, you caught Idia sneaking a shy glance your way. His hair was still flickering pink, and he looked like he couldn’t believe this was real.

You weren’t sure what life in Ignihyde would bring, but if it meant seeing Idia like this—flustered, happy, and maybe a little hopeful—you knew you’d made the right choice.

Diasomnia

The moment you announced you’d chosen Diasomnia, Sebek practically burst into flames.

“OF COURSE YOU CHOSE DIASOMNIA!” he boomed, puffing up with pride. “It’s the only logical choice! With the Young Master here, there was no other dorm worthy of your presence!”

Silver chuckled softly at Sebek’s theatrics, stepping forward with a kind smile. “Welcome to Diasomnia. I’m glad you’re joining us. Let me know if you need help moving your things—I’ll be happy to assist.”

Before you could respond, Lilia appeared out of thin air, laughing like a mischievous ghost. “Ah, welcome, welcome! We’ve been expecting you…or at least, I have. Let me go fetch Malleus so he can hear the good news himself!” And with that, he vanished in a puff of green smoke, leaving you blinking at the empty spot he’d occupied seconds before.

Malleus arrived moments later, his towering presence filling the room. His emerald eyes softened as they landed on you. “I heard you’ve made your decision. Have you truly chosen Diasomnia as your dorm?”

You smiled up at him. “Yeah, I chose Diasomnia.”

The way his face lit up was unlike anything you’d ever seen. His usual composed demeanor melted into something warmer, brighter. He almost looked…giddy.

“This pleases me greatly,” he said, his voice rumbling with quiet joy. “Come. I’ll give you a proper tour of our dorm.”

You didn’t even get a chance to answer before he gently ushered you forward, beginning the grand tour of Diasomnia. Lilia popped in and out of nowhere as you walked, adding bizarre and entirely unnecessary facts.

“And over there,” Lilia said, gesturing to a decorative suit of armor, “is what I wore when I once tripped and almost spilled soup on Malleus when he was a child. Ah, good times.”

Malleus sighed but didn’t stop him. “This area is the library. Feel free to browse the shelves at your leisure. I can show you my favorite tomes later.”

“And this hallway is where Sebek shouted for the first time when he thought Malleus was missing! Nearly shattered all the windows,” Lilia added with a grin.

You couldn’t help but laugh, the whole thing feeling so surreal yet oddly comforting. Silver walked quietly beside you, throwing in the occasional useful tidbit, while Sebek followed behind, grumbling something about Lilia not taking the tour seriously.

By the time the tour ended, you felt strangely at home. The eccentricity, the warmth, the oddly familial atmosphere—it all wrapped around you like a cozy blanket.

Malleus turned to you, his expression soft but sincere. “You’ll be safe here. I’ll personally see to it.”

Lilia smirked. “Safe and well-fed. I’ll whip up something special to celebrate!”

“Please don’t,” Sebek muttered, but you just laughed, already feeling like you belonged.

Secret ending: Ramshackle

When you finally dragged yourself back to Ramshackle, you were met with Grim, lounging on the couch like he hadn't a care in the world.

"Well, henchhuman? Which dorm are we moving to? I hope you picked the one with the best tuna," he yawned, tail flicking lazily.

You slumped down next to him, groaning. "None of them."

Grim's ears perked up. "Huh? What do ya mean, none of them?!"

"I told Crowley to just fix the worst parts of this place. I’d rather stay here. Everyone’s so excited for me to join their dorm—I don’t wanna disappoint them."

Grim blinked at you, then shrugged like it didn’t matter. "Eh, as long as you're still my henchhuman, I don’t care. Besides, this place has character! And by character, I mean it’s haunted, but still."

The next day, Crowley gathered the staff and shared your decision with them. You’d half-expected him to brush off his promise, but to your utter shock, the teachers actually…pitched in.

Vargas showed up first, flexing dramatically. "Alright! Time to show these walls the power of my biceps! I’ll have this place sturdy in no time!" He started hammering away, though you were slightly concerned when he tried to patch a hole in the ceiling using a workout bench.

Trein followed, shaking his head disapprovingly. "This building is a historical relic, and it deserves proper restoration." He brought Lucius along, who mostly supervised by napping in different corners.

Crewel arrived next, snapping his gloves on. "We’re not half-assing this. Ramshackle is getting a full makeover. And you’re going to help, pup. Start scrubbing those floors. Chop, chop!"

Even Sam surprised you by popping up with a toolbox and a grin. "Can’t have my favorite customer living in a death trap, can I? Plus, a little investment in the neighborhood never hurts business!"

The repairs were chaotic but effective. You spent days dodging Vargas’ overly enthusiastic demolition attempts, enduring Trein’s lectures on historical preservation, and running errands for Crewel while he barked orders like you were a rookie in boot camp.

By the end of it, Ramshackle was almost unrecognizable. The roof no longer leaked, the walls were sturdy, and the floors didn’t creak like a ghost was stalking you (though you were pretty sure the ghosts were still there, just quieter).

Grim looked around, nodding in approval. "Not bad, huh? Maybe this place isn’t such a dump anymore."

You smiled, patting his head. "Yeah, it’s still home."

And as you settled back into your slightly less ramshackle life, you couldn’t help but feel a little grateful. Sure, your dorm might not have been the flashiest or fanciest, but it was yours. And that was more than enough.

Masterlist

[thebibliosphere]

I got hit with a moderately severe migraine on Friday (not sure if it was caused by the acupuncture on Thursday, but the acupuncture sure changed the shape of the migraine) and instead of forcing myself to “bounce back” the following day I spent all day yesterday mostly resting in between non taxing chores, and y’know what? I feel much better.

Shocker, I know.

Usually, after losing a whole day to being in bed with pain, there is the temptation to “make up” for it the next day by doing all the things I couldn’t while the migraine was happening (part of this is residual adrenaline from being in pain for 20+ hours). In my mind, it was a “fuck you” to the disease that took away my productivity.

This year I’m trying to reframe it.

Because in doing so I’m not saying fuck you to the disease. I’m just fucking myself over. So instead I’m no longer fighting. I’m resting.

In 2025 I am abandoning the concept of ‘productivity’ and replacing it with progress. And that progress includes the wellness I create for myself by resting.

2024 took me out at the knees. It was awful and debilitating. I am not obligated to bounce back from that. I do not have anything to make up for. I owe myself rest and care and compassion.

And I’m going to do my best to finally internalize that.

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

Wellllll ya bitch just tossed himself head first in the deep end of the pool huh

[yoohyeon]

I’m taking that Pokémon teams thing too seriously gkdbxjdbjd

[erb23]

I am still so mad about them going along with the single dumbest plan ever.