#i know that living inside this fanfic would stress me the fuck out

[ghosts-of-love]

writing passionate love declaration scenes in fanfiction is cute and all but also lowkey sad sometimes

[hoshigray]

I love your work so much and it makes me feel a certain way <33 BUTT im here to request something that I've been looking for 🤞🏽

Toji x Fan-Fiction-Writer ! Reader? I'll get on my knees if required 🫶🏽

𝐅𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐃𝐢𝐜(𝐤)𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧!! | tōji fushiguro

𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: You know, some things are just not meant to be shared, such as fanfiction writing. And how the hell did your boyfriend, of all people, come to be the one to question you about your hobbies? You tell me, you dirty little writer…

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: Toji x fem fanfic writer! reader - explicit content; minors DNI - modern au! - the reader is mid/late 20s; Toji's in his mid-30s - humor - fingering (f! receiving) - oral (f! receiving) - clitoral play (licking, sucking and swiping) - deep impact position - degradation (slut, whore) - use of "Daddy" title - praise + humiliation - spitting - cervix fucking - little bit of rough sex - unprotected sex (psa: wrap the willy; don't be silly) - pet names (baby, cupcake, good girl, mama, princess, sweetheart, sweetie) - aftercare; taking a bath together - usage of a phone; erotic literature/writing - Toji teasing you to no end, the bastard, lol - reader wears glasses cuz why not, hehe - mention of drool/spit.

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 5k (bless up)

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞: bro. this idea cooked so bad, i just HAD to make a fic for it, lmao!! apologies for doing this months late, hope I did the prompt justice, and ty for loving my works~☆

“Nooo, stop, Toji, give it back!”

“Hold on, baby, hold on…Phew, who knew ya liked wrtin’ dirty shit like this? The fuck is ‘pet play—’”

“Oh my God, stop it!” 

This had to be, undoubtedly, the worst day of your life.

If there’s one thing every human being on Earth has in common, it’s their love for the weekends. They’re amazing — have two whole days to retreat and relinquish the turmoil and stress after five days straight. They’re the days when you can choose whichever activity you want to enjoy your leisure. 

Some people catch up on sleep, others watch a show or try to cook up a new dish, and some go outside and hang out with friends. But then there are those weekdays where it’s satisfying enough to spend your day inside the comfort of your home, delighting in a hobby. 

The hobby you chose to indulge in this weekend was writing. And right at this moment, you regret it being the activity you selected.

Why? For one, it wasn’t just any type of writing, like journalling or poetry. No, no; if it were, things would be easier for you to deal with now. Nope, it was fan fiction writing. The type of writing you’ve known since middle school and decided to jump in and try for about a year. What started as a curiosity turned out to be a hobby that took up your infatuation to the maximum level: writing pieces every night, taking up requests from your following over six thousand followers, and serving as an outlet to project your fantasies onto the Internet. 

What type of fantasies, you might ask? The type you read in a room by yourself or in the corner away from prying eyes, under a blanket with your phone exhibiting the dark secrets that corrupt your mind, or the type that only could be accepted on the Internet and not from the judgmental looks of those in the real world.

But, most certainly, not the type of fantasies you wanted your boyfriend to see!

“Toji, please, give my computer back!”

“Nah, hold on; I wanna see this…Oh, what a title; ‘Fuck Me, Rail Me, Use Me, Daddy—‘“

“TOJI, STOP!”

Perhaps writing fan fiction with your boyfriend occupying your apartment wasn’t the best idea. But you wanted to get a draft don’t by the end of this weekend, and you were almost done with it. You were typing up a storm in your bedroom, sitting at your desk while your man, Toji Fushiguro, was doing at-home exercises in your living room. 

And you could’ve sworn you had locked your computer before going to the bathroom. All you know is that after flushing and washing your hands, you opened your bedroom door to a horrifying sight: Toji, sweaty from his routine in his sweats and wife beater, holding up your laptop that showed the exact draft that you were working on! No, no, NO! You almost tripped dashing to take the device, but the older man was too quick and effortlessly dodged your attempts while still reading the material. And now you know why you are hopping around your room trying to catch the man and stop him from reading more of your stuff. 

Spoiler alert: your efforts were beyond futile, huffing and puffing in complete defeat on your bed. Your boyfriend was sitting beside you, still reading aloud while scrolling through your drafts, to your dismay. Your ears and cheeks harbored an unbearable heat that you could cry at any second, and you covered your face in case it were to happen. God, please kill me now! 

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, how many of these shits have you written?” Toji inquires, his forest green eyes scanning every draft as if the list were endless. “How long have you been doin’ this?”

“For…a while.” You can barely muster the confidence to utter an adequate response. How could I have forgotten to lock my damn computer?!

“How long’s a while?”

“Uhhh, a…a year?”

The silence was pinching your skin enough, but you don’t know if you preferred it over the next thing he said. “Wow, who would’ve thought my sweet angel was a dirty lil’ thing writing filth like this?” Oh, you wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die. You can practically sense the smirk on his stupid, handsome face, pulling the scar off his lip! And it hurts your being that he laughs at you grabbing a pillow to scream into oblivion. “What a horny minx.”

You removed the pillow to tell him off. “It’s not all my fault! Most of those aren’t even my ideas; some of my followers asked me to write—“

“Followers?” God, would it have killed you to shut up? “So you got people readin’ your stuff?”

Downcast eyes to avoid his surveying ones, “W–Well, yes…People like how I write, so I…..Write whatever they ask me.”

“Oh, wow,” raven eyebrows lift while looking at the screen, flipping through the notes of your drafts to your blog with your completed works. “So over a hundred freaks like how freaky you write.”

“Hey, d–don’t say it like that!”

“Oh really?” You didn’t like how he said that, nor when he pulled up one of your drafts to read. “… ’You spread your legs on instinct as she sucks on your chest, and the woman takes the initiative by sliding a hand down to your—‘“

“Stop, stop, STOP!” You sit upright and try again to take the computer away from him, but Toji swiftly moves to the bedroom floor. Fuck! It was hopeless, so you groan in exasperation. “Quit it, Toji; you had your fun, so give it back!”

He didn’t think so; finding something new about you made him curious to no bounds. And for it to be a bit of a suggestive side of you? Oh, how ashamed you were of him finding this out tickled him. “Damn, there’s so much on here…Have you ever written ‘bout shit we’ve done?”

You couldn’t believe he asked you that question — you couldn’t believe you were in this situation at all! Are you serious ”—ly asking me that?!?”

“I’m not hearin’ a ‘yes’ or ‘no.’” Now, this is just diving into a more profound level of embarrassment than you could handle. “Did’ya?”

“……………yes.”

“Wait, fr’ real?! Which ones?”

“I’m not telling you! Just give me my laptop—“

“Hell nah,” his elbow is strong enough to keep you at bay—how pathetic on your part being treated like a kid. “I’m curious to see what my lil’ sweetheart is tellin’ strangers ‘bout how we do our business—“

“I’m not telling them anything!!” You retort. “I-I just use our experience as a means of…references when I’m writing,” thumbs find themselves fidgeting together. “It…It helps when I don’t know how to describe a feeling, or….what it’s like during certain…..positions.” Was the room getting stuffy, or were you shrinking under the growing pressure of every word coming out of your mouth? Who knows. 

“Is there stuff y’ve written before that you’d like fr’ us to try?” Oh, for fuck’s sake, this was too much, bringing your –his– hoodie up to shield you from this predicament. And it only worsens when he stares your way, having you close up the hoodie by the drawstrings and collapse to his shoulder. Toji chuckles at your routing self, wrapping an arm around you. “Can’t even be honest fr’ a second.”

“Toji, pleaseeee,” whining doesn’t help, the older man moving the laptop out of your lazy attempt to retrieve it. “Give it baaack…!”

“Nnm, nnm, don’t wanna,” he places the device away to the ground and takes your hand with his. “Now I gotta read what weird shit you’ve been keepin’ ‘way from me.”

You shake your head frantically. “Please don’t! Don’t you think you’ve tormented me enough today?”

“Now, why would I ever get tired of fucking with ya?” The smirk on his face is still present after you open the hoodie to sneak a glare. “Shoulda thought ‘bout that and locked y’r laptop screen.”

“You’re such a fucking asshole…” his laugh at your words only proves your point, and you bury your face in his chest. This entire thing was so outrageous. How in the world were you this dumb enough not to double-check to make sure your computer was locked from prying eyes? What an amateurish move! Not even your closest friends know that you write fanfiction, so to have your boyfriend be the one to not only find out but bombard you with questions about your secret hobby is nothing short of humiliating. It can’t get any worse than this…

…Or so you thought.

“Hey,” you perk up to look at Toji. “You said ya got followers askin’ ya what they want you to write, right?” You nod meekly, twirling your thumbs with the bottom of your shirt. “Show me some.”

Appalled, you gawk, “Wh–why would I—”

“I know you have favorites from the hundreds I’ve been looking at for the past five minutes. So, are ya gonna show ‘em to me, or am I gonna have to read every single one to find out?”He didn’t show interest in returning the laptop to you even after asking the question. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, baby; I bet ya can look it up on y’r phone or somethin’.”

Your pout deepens in defeat as you begrudgingly stuff a hand inside the pocket of your leggings to pull out your phone to click on an app. Your thumb clicks and scrolls for a few seconds before you peer to him and say, “…I do have some favorites.” 

Jesus, it hurt to admit that to someone, especially with your him of all people, who is without a doubt getting an absolute kick out of this, the fucking bastard! This was beyond embarrassing; nothing could ever top this moment. Indeed, there is nothing else he could have done that could have made this predicament any worse than it already is. At least that’s what you tell yourself to cope because Toji’s grin on his face says otherwise. And what he says afterward makes your blood shift to ice.

“Why don’t ya read ‘em to me.”

Yup, you were killing yourself tonight.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Go on; read that short one fr’ me.”

“Ahh—…Hahhh, ‘Sitting here and thinking…about your faves…Mmmm.”

For some reason, this felt so. Fucking. Wrong!

You already knew it was a bad idea for you to read your works to your boyfriend at his request. However, to be fulfilling said wish in this manner? The mortification had your ears ringing a thousandfold. 

How would you have foreseen this yourself, face stuffed to the pillow with your phone held up by your right hand with your legs spread up and your bottom propped up? Who the hell reads like this?! And on top of that, your boyfriend is alongside you, his body behind you. The inability to see what he’s doing arises uneasiness in the soul, quivers sneaking up as you feel the rough pads of his fingertips greet the skin of your ass after sneaking inside the oversized hoodie. 

Breath hitches at the slide of your panties, coming down for his hands to grope the flesh wholly. “To..ji…” his name leaves in shakes. 

“C’mon, baby,” you swallow thickly at the cupping of your chasm. Toji chuckles at the twitch felt on his palm, “Read it properly, yeah? Word for word.”

Oh, fuck, your brows trench together. “T…’Thinking about your faves pleasing you from behind. He knows he has to tease you a bit—Tmmm,” his lightly hits your butt. “‘B-By massaging your ass with his strong hands,” he does so, kneading your ass skillfully that has you involuntarily purring to his touch. “…’Keeping you still and relaxed so he can later feel you with his fingers and—“ his forefinger and middle slowly come from your clit to the entrance, biting your lips. “Nhhmm, hahhh.”

“Go on,” Toji scolds, the middle digit sliding up and down with a faint push. Your back quakes to the touch, fingers gripping the pillow. “What else is y’r fav doing?”

You inhale. “Mmmm…’and circle one of them around to warm you up—‘“ spit gulped down again when Toji’s digit did the exact thing as told. “‘And then, when he knows you’re ready for him, he sneaks them insi—‘ Aaaiiii!” His middle finger is shoved into your vagina, and your toes instantly curl before he pushes the rest ever so slowly.  “Oh! Ohhh, fuck…’He…then comes to your shoulder and says to your ear to make you tingle…”

“…’Stay still, sweetie,’” woah. You were not expecting that; you were too focused on trying to read your words, and Toji bending to your ear to read his part wasn’t noticed at all. You only hope he didn’t catch the clasp of your vaginal walls around his finger (he most definitely did), hoping the soft chortle meant nothing. “‘Gonna let me make y’ feel good, yeah?’” Jesus Christ, his gruff voice relayed this so intimately to your eardrums that your heart was beating too hard.

Toji’s finger goes faster, nearly having you almost drop your phone. Your face smooshes to the pillow from the scrape of his fingertip, biting on the pillowcase as he puts in the other finger. He whispers to your ear to keep going; unbelievable…So you lift your head and try. “J-J…’Just thinking about how easy he could make you cum—Mmmph! Wi-With his fingersss…scratching and rubbing your insides so precisely until you’re practically begging to mess his hand up’…”

“Oh, fr’ real?” The perk of his tone makes you anxious. “Well, don’ mind if I do.”

The pace of his ring and middle finger increase, and you gasp sharply. The onslaught of rubs to your inner channel is enough to have your lower half writhe despite Toji keeping your legs grounded with his single one. Oh, fucking Christ, your glasses up to your smooshed cheeks the more you try to conceal your cries, proven to be trivial as the seconds go by. 

“Aww, whaddaya think y’re doin’?” He coos with a kiss to your nape; you nearly shut down. His free hand takes your phone, “Tryin’ to hide that cute voice of y’rs from me? Fuck that,” he then removes his digits from your chasm as you yelp and makes you flip to your back. Oh, fuck no! Your hands go to cover your face—nope, Toji is quick to move them away. “Lemme see you, mama…Now, let’s see what else you should read fr’ me.” He swipes your phone screen, “This too wordy, this long as fuck—goddamn, baby; you writin’ whole ass novels or somethin’?”

“Shut up,” you reply as your legs move, and Toji’s left hand removes your undies. 

“Ah, this one!” He hands you back your cellular device. Your eyes catch the first sentence, and your face morphs into dread before staring back at him to meet his grin. “Go ‘head,” he says cooly, spreading your legs by the knees.

“…’Picture this: your favorite coming to your room and seeing you on your bed and striding to you to taste you,” you inhale deeply at the blow of air on your wet southern folds. “‘He crawls up to you while you’re busy scrolling on the phone, busying himself with placing kisses to your stomach and down to your undies. He’ll then take them off and spread your legs for him, greeting your privates with his ton’—Ghhh…!” Toji licks your slit leisurely; you gulp at the muscle perching between the lips of your labia. “Hahhh, shit…’The smell and taste of you are so inviting he can barely keep it together, virtually inching to stuff his face with your pussy. He kisses it, lips petting your clit,’” he does so, and you chew your bottom lip. “‘Then his tongue goes excruciatingly slow to e-explore your folds,” your exhale is shaky as Toji’s tongue laps and swirls; fuck, I can’t do this…

The older man, on the other hand, flips a switch and goes to town. You knew this was a bad idea; if there’s one thing Toji loved doing more than fucking your cunt, it’s eating it out. He pushes your legs up by the knees for easier access, the angle perfect for him to propel his mouth onto your entrance. You shriek, his nose frequently grinding the hood of your cunt as his scarred lips and tongue suck and lick you feverishly.

“—Tahhh! Ohhhshit, no…!” You cry, throwing your head back to the pillow. “Ahhnn, Tojiii, stop…not too fast—Oooh!”

He spits, mixing his saliva with your slick as he laves. “Mmmph, shit, taste ’o good,” Toji pushes his face further as he sucks on your clit, and you nearly choke on your sob. “Yeah, yeah, let ‘em out; scream like a real whore.” You jerk, but his hands firmly keep you down. “Keep goin’, cupcake, finish y’r reading.”

“Khhh, God, I can’t,” you gulp when emerald eyes peer toward you. “…’Before long, he’s too overwhelmed by you that he can’t take it anymore, stuffing his face between your legs and having you cry out his name in prayers—your phone is no longer a priority.’” Jesus, you can hear his grunts along with the lascivious sounds coming from below; he’s so fucking turned on. “‘Now he has your attention, playing with your…pussy like a toy just to hear you squeak.”  

“Fuck yeah,” he groans as he sticks his fore and middle digits into you. Fingers go to and fro frantically, and your free hand grabs his raven hair. “Christ, y’ sound so fuckin’ hot. More, gimme more,” a long and harsh kiss to your clit makes you want to arch so bad. “Good girl, good fuckin’ girl…”

You hiss at the graze of your vagina; keeping your eyes open is hard to do. Lips go agape, and your noises fly out with no restraint. Your legs tremble, impending in a wish to close from the curl of Toji’s fingers. Your senses become too keen, your nerves heightening with every massage of your walls, lick and slurp of your slick and clit. 

“Ohooo, nhhmm, fuck, Tojiiii,” another suck to your clit has you grip the sheets. “Stooop, please; I’m gonna cumm…!” 

However, your boyfriend has another idea in his head. “Oh no, you don’t, princess,” his fingers leave you hurriedly with a squeal. He yanks for your phone once more to find yet another piece of yours for you to read, giving you so little time to recuperate. Until he scoffs with a smirk, “Ohh, read this one aloud next.” 

You take the device returned to you cautiously, scanning the first few words that catch your eye. Curiosity snaps to apprehension, “W-wait, no, please!” Begging won’t work, but it doesn’t hurt to try. “Please, Toji, look for some—“

“Aht, aht,” the click of the tongue shuts you. “C’mon, sweetheart, that ain’t what y’re callin’ y’r fav right now.” He squeezes your thigh, “What’s my name?”

“Toji, pleas—“

“Mm, mm,” he pinches you, a warning. “Try again.”

Excitement Nervousness flicker through your soul, breathing tardily as you muster to answer. “Sorry…Daddy.” The title burnt your tongue when it left your mouth, and the smile lifted Toji’s scar even more. 

“Good,” he praises. “Now read.”

“…One of my followers asked about writing a post about deep impact, so it’s—“

“Deep impact?” He questions while spreading your legs. “The hell’s that?” 

“I-It’s a, uhh,” you push up your glasses. “A position where you…kinda, like, sit on one of my legs and lift the other to your shoulder.”

Black eyebrows rise. “Ohhh, somethin’ like this, huh?” Sturdy hands find your ankle and lift your leg to his shoulder, and Toji then moves to have your other leg in between his. Your lips flatten when the groin of his pants—aka, the pitched tent–touches your hole. He whistles, “Oh, now I got a new favorite to add fr’ later.” His words aren’t meant to jest, so you frown as he snickers. “Alright, what did you write for this?”

You lick your lips; why? Toji uses his free hand to bring his sweats down, not surprised by the lack of underwear as his erection springs out. His cock is standing and ready for you, the precum oozing out alluring your eyes and your lip bitten by excited teeth. Of course, your vagina is clenching to a void—anticipation is a hell of a drug affecting your entire figure. 

“Don’t get too distracted, mama,” he caught you eyeing him, lifting the hem of his wife’s beater to bite down on. Your ears and cheeks scorched at the sight of his abs and torso. “Read those words.”

Your gaze flickers to your phone while Toji lines his dick to your entrance, a gulp at the kiss of his glans and your inner labia. “…’Daddy has you propped in a deep impact, a position catered to mutual pleasure and closeness. He taps you with the tip to have you excited, then slowly pushes himself into your—Mmfff!…y-your warmth,” reminding yourself to maintain a steady breath; Toji pushes his cockhead into your slick as you’re distracted. A few seconds fly by, and he slips right in; a gasp exiting your puffy lips indicates so. “‘H–He gently shoves every inch and stretches you out,’” his girth is lethal, your eyes rolling up the further his tip goes, scrapping your texture and your opening suiting for his length. “‘A-And, it feels so good to have him making you full and good’—Hoohh?!?”

That’s it, that’s what you were anxious about—you felt the jab of his tip on your cervix. You freeze instantly, too shocked to breathe as the hit was spontaneous. Your body locks down for a quick second to process what happened.

Toji notices your tightened grip and hisses, “Fffuuckin, shit…! So tight,” his hips go sluggish, and you feel his veins and shaft brush nicely with your insides. You sneak a glance at his flashed abdomen; the flex of his abs as he pushes his pelvis in waves is a sight to see–enough to put you in a trance. 

You continue. “‘His hip work is pleasuring, having you wail and cry out f-for more…the sensation of Daddy’s dick venturing inside and hitting your sweet spots is enough to make your toes curl—Nhhaaa…”

He can sense you gripping on him more; fuck, it feels so good. His thrusts go a little faster, forming a minimal medium. You exhale through your nostrils at the change of pace, and grazes against your walls become periodic and long-lasting the deeper he goes.

 “Daaah, ahhh, f-fuuck,” you whimper aloud. “Tojiii, y’ feel so g—Nnnmm!?!“ You nearly swallow your tongue from the sudden pound of him, the rub of your G-spot too abrupt to predict. 

“Who?” God, you know he’s getting a good kick out of this, the fucker. He pushes his cock to the hilt, and it takes everything in your power not to babble from the overwhelming intensity. 

“Daddy, daddyyy, don’t…!” Correcting yourself as his fingers dance around your unattended clit. “I’m sorry, you just feel so good..”

That’s more like it. “Good girl,” he bends closer, his knees spreading further apart. He pushes the leg on his shoulder so that the angle is plausible for him to rut harder. You shriek and squirm to his enjoyment, “Keep readin’.”

“‘Y-…You’re cries become more shameful the harder and faster he goes,” Toji stimulates for a harsher pound; another hit to your cervix has you winded. Despite your gasping for air, he doesn’t relent, and you jerk to undulate to another poke. “Sh-shiiit, Jesusss…! ‘He pistons so hard, so deep, it’s difficult even to think straight when all you can think is—‘“ a choked sob from a slow pull before a devious snap of the hips. “A-All you c–an think…Ahahh!” Another nudge to your G-spot; this is so hellish!

The culprit scoffs softly. “Think ‘bout what, baby?” He swipes and pinches your clit to have you jolt and whine. “Tell Daddy the rest.” 

Fuck, I can’t take it anymore! The phone slips your hand, barely missing your head. “Daddyyy, I can’t!”

“Why? What’s wrong?” Another pinch to the bud pairs with a poke to your delicate womb. Oh, he’s such a dick! “Don’t wanna read fr’ me?” He chuckles aloud at you shaking your head ‘no’. “Why’s that?”

“C-Cuz, if you keep going, I’ll,” a head thrown back at another nip on your clitoris. “Ahh, I-I’ll…!” Shit, you can feel it, the climb rocking your bones to entail your soon climax. 

“What? Ya wanna cum on Daddy’s dick instead of readin’ like a sweetheart,” don’t believe the words; his faux disappointment doesn’t match the merciless thrusts and the devilish grin. “Wanna act like a whole slut and cum on me?”

“Yesss, yes, pleasee!!” You don’t care anymore; you want to let it out. “Please, Daddyyy, I wanna cummm!!”

“Heh, what a nasty girl you are—Nnnmm! Fuck, just milkin’ me dry, beggin’ fr’ it, huh?” The same fingers he used to play with your clit come to your lips to shove inside, forcing you to taste yourself. “Go ‘head, mama; let y’rself go, be the slut you really are…Hahhh, shit, c’mere,” he grabs for both your wrists with his free hand after taking off your glasses and propels you towards him at the same time as he pounds. Holy fuck, this position was getting rougher, pulling you in and hitting your cervix with accurate hits that you’re whining and twitching. Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck! It’s too much, it’s all too much to bear, so it’s no wonder you climax in seconds.

You cry with the breach of your crescendo, your inner muscles contracting around the cock, hitting your womb. Your nerves are now peaked as the air is sensitive to your skin, and you feel so out of breath, everything happening all at once that you can’t keep up as you thank Toji in babbled prayers, still sucking on his fingers as your vagina flutters and coats him of your essence.

“Good job, cupcake,” he comes closer and removes his digits. “Can’t beat the real thing, right?” He cups and massages your cheeks before spitting into your mouth. 

You don’t even flinch, too fucked out to even care, just moaning to his lips as he brings you in for a passionate kiss as his hips keep going until he’s done and satisfied…

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

“Ughhh, I can’t believe I just did that…”

“Pfft quit whinin’. Don’t act like ya didn’t enjoy it.”

“I hate you so fucking much, you know that?”

“Whatever y’ say, Ms. Novelist.” You grumble at the name before he brings the washcloth to wipe down your neck.  

You and Toji were now in the bathroom, your nude bodies squished together, with the warm water cleansing you both. Hair and skin damp, your back meshed to his front as you sit between his legs. The soft yellow lighting basks the bathroom with a warm glow as you two bathe in relaxation, a needed state after the excitement prior. 

You snatch the washcloth before Toji wipes your face clean off. “Why did you have to be so nosy, looking at my laptop for what?” You wipe his arm that rests on the rim of the tub. 

He rolls his eyes, knowing he’s in for a lecture. “Well, if ya didn’t want me to see, shoulda locked the shit.”

“That doesn’t excuse the fact that you’re nosy as hell! Could’ve just looked somewhere else or left the room!”

“Hmph, well, when you see the words ‘Down and Dirty’ all bolded and big and see another tab with a pic of a rimjob, who wouldn’t stop—“

“Okay, okay!” It would be best if you threw the cloth at him for chortling; such an indecorous personality for someone supposedly older than you. “You’re insufferable.”

“Right back at you,” he whispers to your ear and kisses your cheek. You sigh softly from his lips, resting your head on his shoulder while he pecks your chin. The hand in the water finds your thigh to grope and massage, and you moan at the touch and unwind.

Tranquility fills the cozy space between you two as the silence settles in, the humid air comforting to your nose and eyes, and the drip of the faucet plucking into the tub water is a soothing sound to cajole you into a dormant plane. 

However, even when relaxing, it doesn’t stop the bothersome feeling of asking Toji something. And where better than with you in his secure embrace? “Toji,” his name has him open an eye to look your way. “You don’t think I’m…weird, don’t you?”

He raises a brow. “Explain.”

“Like, don’t you find it weird that me, your partner, indulges in hobbies that are…you know, like that,” now your eyes trail away from his gaze. “Writing about fictional fantasies and such, looking up erotic material and stuff…”

A few seconds fly as he scoffs. “Baby, I’ve been lookin’ at porn way before I met you—“

“Th–That’s not what I meant??”

“Besides, it’s nothing more than just writin’ shit that doesn’t exist. Hmm, if anything, now I know y’re just as big of a pervert as I am.”

Anxiousness transitions to peeve. “You are so—“

“Do you like what you do?” 

The question takes you aback; the immediate serious tone switch wasn’t expected. “…I..yeah.”

“Are ya hurtin’ anyone?”

“No…at least I don’t want to.”

“Are ya hurtin’ y’reself?” You see what he’s doing, the glint shining from his viridian orb.

“No. I…like this hobby.”

Finally, a small smile contorts that scar of his. “Then I don’t mind it. It’s what ya like to do, so do whatever, sweetie.” He comes to kiss your nose and rest his forehead with yours. “I like ya bein’ a lil’ weird anyway.”

“Jackass…” And there you go, falling in love with him again. You cup his cheek, kiss the other, and repose onto his shoulder with a blissful sigh. 

“Now,” you blink back to him. “Can’t lie, think you gotta start callin’ me ‘Daddy’ from now on,” like a scratched record, your heart stops, especially with his mischievous smirk. “Where can I read the rest of y’r stuff at?”

“That’s it,” you ignore his annoying bark of laughter as you try to squirm out of his hold. “Let me out of here, get me out of this fucking tub.”

“Haha, hey, quit it; y’re spillin’ the water!”

© 𝐇𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲2024 – reblogs + comments are appreciated wholeheartedly ☆ header art by rororogi morgera + dividers by @/cafekitsune + @/animatedglittergraphics-n-more.

[sleepy3012]

Happy memory: A Otto x Murtaugh fanfic

Summary: Murtaugh rembers the old times with his ex husband

(For: @anonymous)

Mr Murtaugh sat in his chair reading a book, he couldn't keep his mind off something, or someone...

He remembers the times he had spent with Otto, not like a friend, but like a couple. Yes I know I know it may sound hard to bealive.

But it's true, Otto Kinander and Mr Murtaugh were once a cute couple, it all started in high school.

On prom day in 12th grade everyone was there, Abanate, Leslie, Tavish, Greda,Otto, everyone but Theodore. Thedore participated in stuff like this, not ever scince his brother.

Murtaugh walked away from the crowd, walking into the field were the sky was pink and yellow. It was calm, and he sat there looking at the sun set.

Murtaugh the jumped to the touch of someone's hand

"Calm your horses its just me Murtaugh." Otto said calmly

"Oh its you, what are u doing here arn't you suppose to be in there having fun?" Murtaugh responded

"Well...I want to tell you something.." Otto nervously said

"Yes? What is it?" Murtaugh said tilting his head

Otto took out out a box and got on his knee's and said

"Murtaugh...would you be mine?" Otto said with his hands shaking

Murtaugh felt like his was about to cry

"YES!" Murtaugh jump to Otto and Otto catched him

"LETS GOO!" A group of voices said behind a tree

Murtaugh turned around to look that it was them, Otto's friends, Leslie had his phone out, He was recording.

That day brung a smile on his face

One night came along

Otto and Murtaugh were laying on the bed shirtless

"Hey babe.." Otto said

"Yes honey?" Murtaugh responded with a smile

"Well..I was thinking...yk how we always kiss?" Otto blushed

"Yeah?" Murtaugh smiled

"Can we..t..try to yk, like kiss in a diffrent way?" Otto said

"Like?" Murtaugh asked

Otto then pulled Murtaugh closer to him and kiss him deeply, his tounge went inside his mouth feeling every part of it.

They noth feel asleep after a few hours, Thier Lives were Perfect, Their relationship was so good, until one day it all was over

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JOINED CULTIST!?" Murtaugh said slaming his fist on the table

"ITS FOR US! IT WILL MAKE OUR LIVE MORE BETTER BABE!" Otto screamed back

"THATS SO STUPID OF YOU AND YOU WANT ME TO JOIN YOU?! WHAT KIND OF A SICK MAN ARE YOU?! Murtaugh screamed

Then Otto just Snaped

"WELL IF YOU DIDN'T WANT THIS SHIT MAYBE YOU WOULDV'E REJECTED ME YEARS AGO I SHOULD HAVE NEVER MARRIED SOME FUCKING NERD THAR USED TO LIVE ON A COUNTRY SIDE YOU LITTLE HELPLESS MAN, YOUR USELESS!" Otto snaped out

Otto stoped, he saw the tears in his husband's eyes

"Babe...I...I" Otto was cut off

Murtaugh run out the door sobing unable to control his feelings

"COME BACK I'M SORRY!" Otto screamed like he felt like he was about to cry.....

Back to the present:

Murtugh covered his eyes as they watered more and more his eyes got blurry he sat there with the book on his lap, why did it all have to end over some Cult.....

All those memories made him cry out loud, he couldn't hold it in he just fell on the floor sobbing his way to the land of dreams

With Otto:

Otto kept repeting the video over and over again, he missed his Husband, well...Ex Husband. His eyes watered, he then felt a hand on his shoulders.

"Don't stress just...lets just think about happy memories...okay?" Leslie said

"You made the right choice to join...one day, We'll kidnap him...and you to will be together again, like old times." Tavish backed up

Otto just noded, He didn't want to kidnap Murtaugh, but he has to...to make his life better...One day

Otto knew they would be together again..just like the old times.

[zombiedumbie]

00. TIME MOVES SLOW WHEN YOU'RE ALL ALONE, AND TIMES MOVES SLOW;

I've been thinking about writing a fanfic after reading this one (btw this is a recommendation). it would be basically the opposite: I have a headcannon that Law would be considerably rich due to his family of doctors. So, the person who would live in all the luxury would be our dear aspiring doctor. Added a touch of drama 'cause I love a little pain.

This is just one chapter because I wanted to know if you guys like the idea, so if you'd like me to continue, please let me know.

2302 words.

modern au, she/her reader, use of "y/n", angst (?), law is 22, grief, implicit and explicit drug use, swearing, post-traumatic stress. mdni!

Grief is a complex set of emotions that humans deal with after the loss of something fundamentally important to them. Grief isn't always triggered solely by death, but also, as mentioned earlier, by the painful farewell to something significant. Today, it is understood that grief has 7 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance; not necessarily faced in that order.

However, when grief stops being a loss and turns into a disease, it's called pathological grief.

In this way, Trafalgar D. Water Law has lived the last 12 years of his life.

Law was sprawled on the bed of god-knows-who, with his shirt unbuttoned and his head spinning. The noise he could hear was his heavy breathing, as if his ears were inside his dry throat, while his eyes moved agonizingly slowly around the unfamiliar room.

The memories of how he got there or what was happening had long escaped his mind, but he was certain of one thing: He needed water, and perhaps a shower. Maybe he should call Rosinante, despite promising him that he wouldn't do it again.

Determined to reach the kitchen, Law dragged himself out of bed, his feet hitting the floor as steadily as he could manage — which wasn't much. He was almost halfway there when he stumbled over a blazer and fell to the ground like a bag of bones, shaking the room.

He began to mutter, wondering who would leave a blazer in the middle of the room like that. The blazer was his. The door creaked open with a muffled sound due to the music, and Law felt someone touch his back.

"Damn, I thought someone was having a pretty hardcore fuck here", the voice was familiar, Law looked up to see who it was. "I was going to ask to join, but it was just you", Sabo smiled, looking at Law with that same psychopathic smile as usual.

Sabo was one of those boys whose parents always warned to stay away from, as he could become a criminal or an addict in the future. However, as he grew up, Sabo silenced everyone when he was accepted into one of the best universities in the country, becoming one of the smartest people anyone had ever seen around him; even though he often seemed to hate it all. In the end, he settled for studying International Relations at the state's best college, against everyone's wishes and only following his own reasoning.

However, he still acted like a crazy fuck. And that's why he understood the whole situation when he saw Law's red eyes. "Damn, that was strong, huh?", he helped Law to his feet.

"F-Fuck off", Law groaned as he stood up, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment from his deplorable situation. "I-I want water", the words came out unconsciously, as if his body was speaking for him.

Sabo laughed, helping him walk out of the room. "Come with me, I'll help you", the blonde shouted over the music. They practically stumbled down the stairs to the ground floor.

The silver decorations and the low light of the place, combined with the loud music and the large number of people there, made Law even dizzier. The only thing he could look at to help his mental confusion was the huge glass window that overlooked a large and well-maintained garden, which, unfortunately, was filled with people here and there.

Sabo guided them to a corridor beside the stairs. The corridor seemed to stretch and then shrink several times as they walked to the door at the end, which Sabo pushed slowly before entering with Law.

It was the kitchen that Law had longed to reach in the last 3 minutes. The light was bright compared to the rest of the party; there were some waiters hired for the night, along with some people Law had seen around.

The kitchen was filled with the most expensive appliances. The stove had so many burners it looked ridiculous, the refrigerator seemed as wide and tall as a cabinet, and all the utensils were neatly arranged, highly polished and gleaming. Not to mention the extensive marble countertops and the golden details in the corners of each piece of furniture; there was also a long glass wall that displayed the image of the distant nighttime city, as bright as day due to its ever-lit lights, divided by the scenery of a quiet beach.

Given the attention to detail in this kitchen, it was possible that whoever the owner of this house was, they never had to set foot in this kitchen.

"Oi, Sabo", Kid spoke. Kid was a red-haired guy with painted nails and lipstick on his lips, holding a blunt between his fingers and blowing smoke through his teeth. He was dressed in the rest of his waiter outfit, his apron now tucked into the back pocket of his pants and his black dress shirt open.

"Who's this guy?", Kid, another one of the waiters, asked, watching Sabo lean Law against the wall next to the door. "Damn, he's messed up, huh?", he said as he saw the man bow his head.

Law was pitifully leaning against the wall, slightly leaning forward, head down, and too weak to move his hanging arms. His vision was a blur of his tattooed arms covered with a lazily rolled-up white dress shirt on his elbows and his shoes now dirty from who-knows-what.

Sabo laughed. "Go easy on him, he's new to this stuff", Law wanted to protest, but his tongue felt too heavy in his mouth. Sabo left his blazer on the counter and opened the refrigerator for water.

Maybe he was too high, but he still felt a gaze burning his skin. He slowly turned his head to look at a girl sitting on the floor, her back against the wall, wearing a waiter outfit similar to the others', now looser; and it was her who now held Kid's blunt.

The girl looked him up and down as she brought the cigarette between her index and thumb to her lips, there was a certain pity in her eyes, but Law chose to ignore it, no matter how irresistible her figure might be.

"His name is Law", Sabo added, handing him a glass of water.

"No way!", Kid said, laughing. "The Trafalgar Law? Man, you're like Batman!", Law grunted.

"Shut up, Kid. Are you eating shit or what?", the girl on the floor said, scolding Kid.

"No parents and being taken care of by a guardian? Sounds like Batman indeed", Law mumbled with difficulty, receiving the glass of water from Sabo.

The atmosphere in the kitchen grew heavy. Everyone remembered the Trafalgar accident; it was news for a few days, and the only survivor was the eldest son, Trafalgar Law. Post-traumatic stress kept him at home for a few years, where he dedicated himself to studying to continue his parents' legacy. But here he was, incredibly high for the first time.

It had been a series of unfortunate events that led him to that party that day.

But, in short, he wanted to experience a little of what he had missed due to his years at home.

Law banged the glass on the counter in front of him; he felt like he should say some things to this Kid guy, but his head was so confused that he felt, for a moment, like he was somewhere else. "Go... fuck yourself...!", Kid seemed to turn as red as his hair, but Sabo immediately cut both of them off with a laugh.

"You're even funnier like this, Torao!", a voice came from the other side of the kitchen along with a laugh. It was Luffy, one of Law's "friends," a title he didn't really want to call him. "You should get high more often", Luffy tapped his back a few times.

Trafalgar, already annoyed at being so high and also by Kid's well-thought-out comment, seemed to get more irritated by Luffy's presence, who was laughing too loudly for his taste. He pushed himself off the counter and walked awkwardly to the kitchen door, struggling a bit to open it due to its weight, and then staggered down the corridor.

The man staggered, getting lost in the huge house, with no idea what he was doing. The suffocating feeling of not being in control made him want to cry; he felt like he was sleeping, in a senseless, noisy dream. It was too hot, too stuffy, too noisy, too crowded. Moments passed like blurred flashes, too confusing to decipher; until he seemed to "wake up" from his dream.

Law was lying on something soft. He felt a cold breeze hit his body like an uncomfortable embrace. When he finally opened his eyes, the night sky was painted before him, he could hear the sound of the music more clearly now, though a bit more distant compared to the waves of the beach, and amidst the electronic rhythm and the crashing waves, a voice seemed to speak to him.

"I hate working for these spoiled brats, they all think I'm their damn housekeeper and should do whatever they tell me", Law turned his head to see who was talking, finding the same girl from the kitchen, sitting cross-legged with her back to him in the sand, smoking a cigarette angrily. "Damn, I'm here just to serve drinks, not to make the porridge that your housekeeper makes every night before bed!", Law ran his fingers through the sand, feeling the fine grains caress his palm. He heard her venting, but he didn't understand a single word.

She turned around and looked him deep in the eyes before speaking: "You woke up, finally. How do you feel?", she smiled.

"Like I've been run over", he was honest. He still felt out of it, but conscious enough to know what he was doing.

"Huh, wait until tomorrow", she said as Law sat up. He now noticed that she was wearing his coat. "You asked me to call someone named Cora-san, but I couldn't find his contact on your phone", she reached out, handing the device to Law. "Sorry about that."

Law rubbed his eyes, confused. "What... What happened? Where's Sabo?"

"You don't remember, do you?", she smiled, and Law, fearing what he might have done during this blackout, blushed violently. "Don't worry", she laughed. "Sabo carried you to the kitchen to get some water, but then Kid started talking crap and Luffy started annoying you until you left the kitchen. Sabo was going after you, but... I think her name was Koala, she stopped him and started arguing with him. I found you sitting on a couch next to the bathroom...", she stopped, pondering whether she should continue.

Law raised an eyebrow.

"You... were crying. Like, a lot. I brought you some water, but you said you didn't want to drink anymore, and then you started talking...", she sighed. "Anyway, you asked me to call this Cora-san and gave me your phone, and then you said you wanted some fresh air. I brought you here, and you ended up dozing off in the sand".

Law widened his eyes and cringed at the thought of what he might have told her. He didn't remember any of this, which made him want to disbelieve what he might have done, but since there was no other version of this gap in his mind, he just abstained.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone anything", she said when she saw his worried face.

"... Thank you", he said, grabbing his phone to check the time; it was almost dawn. He swallowed hard before unlocking the device.

He heard her chuckle softly and looked at the city on the horizon, finishing her cigarette. "Of course".

For some reason, his heart squeezed in his chest. That girl he didn't even know the name of had just helped him in a terrible moment of drunkenness for no reason, and as much as he could easily doubt her word, he trusted that she wouldn't tell anyone about his outburst.

His golden eyes fell on her again, watching her hair being carried by the cold morning breeze. The ever-present melancholy lingered in his mind as he dialed Rosinante's number on his phone; his finger hovered over the call button. "What's your name?".

She paused to think for a moment before answering. "Y/N", she turned her face towards him. The sun had just started to rise, and the sky was a bit brighter now.

He wanted to thank her for helping him, for being so kind to someone she barely knew, for caring enough to stay with him until he woke up; to say that he appreciated what she had done and apologize for causing trouble. But all that came out of his lips was: "Why did you help me?".

And all she replied was: "Because I wanted to."

He mentally slapped himself for sounding so ungrateful, he tried again to thank her, apologize, but she kept talking. "People don't always have a reason for doing what they do..." she seemed to notice the confusion in his eyes. "You were in a vulnerable moment, I couldn't leave you like that", and she gave one of the gentlest smiles Law had ever seen.

He swallowed hard as he remembered Rosinate.

"OOOOIIII, Y/N!", someone shouted in the background, she turned her head to see Kid calling her. "WE'RE LEAVING!!", she got up and brushed the sand off her clothes.

"COMING, JUST A MINUTE!!", she shouted back. "My ride's leaving. Nice to meet you, Law. Don't forget to call Cora-san", she took off the blazer to return it. "Call me if you need anything", then she turned and started running back towards the house, shoes in hand.

"Goodbye...", he said, but then he realized something. "I DON'T HAVE YOUR NUMBER!", he shouted, his eyes filled with the image of the girl now running away.

"YOU THINK!".

Law wanted to shout back, but something clicked in his mind. His fingers touched the screen of his phone to open the "Contacts" app, sliding his finger to find a new contact saved as "Y/N :p".

[elvenbeard]

Spinning

Cyberpunk 2077 Fanfic Summary: V and Kerry try to figure out if they're living the real "mayor candidate of Night City" lifestyle. After the tension of the last days, weeks, and months though, some well-needed stress relief is in order, too. (Post-Sun-Ending, mostly canon-compliant, Chapter 5/?, 4818 words, Kerry Eurodyne/V, rated E for eggplant-emoji) - author's notes at the end!

>> Previous Chapter >> Read from the Beginning

“Um, I’m really not sure if this is safe!” Lee called down to them over his shoulder, clinging to the narrow ladder with all his might. His shiny blue-and-gold-striped blazer fluttered like a weathervane, while his perfectly styled bright-blue pompadour sat on his head like a helmet… only that it wouldn’t prevent his skull from cracking should he fall.

“Just keep goin’, dammit, you’re almost there!” Kerry annoyedly gestured him to hurry. Lee swallowed audibly, then looked back up towards the roof of the penthouse and continued at an agonizingly slow pace.

“Should’ve let me go, he’s gonna piss himself any moment now,” V muttered as he watched the scene play out, standing by Kerry’s side.

“Abso-fuckin’-lutely not,” Kerry shook his head vehemently, arms crossed, “You’re not climbin’ anywhere anytime soon.”

V sighed. He would have managed somehow, for sure, but Kerry had already refused to let him search for any signs of Blue-Eye’s tech inside the penthouse. He had been banished to the sofa, then the bed, doomed to rest himself and take it slow, only giving directions and pointing Kerry to places that could have been bugged or otherwise tempered with in the way he’d seen it done it in the mayor's apartment. They really had been thorough, and Kerry was taking this as seriously as V. But still, he didn’t know if he should be relieved or not, having found nothing suspicious yet. At the Peralez’ place there’d been that communications system on the rooftop, and since Kerry simply didn’t want to climb up and V couldn’t, it was now up to Kerry’s manager to make himself useful. V had been hesitant about getting Lee involved, but on the other hand he would simply do what Kerry told him without asking questions.

“I did it!” Lee yelled from the rooftop ecstatically, straightening up with his hands on his hips, “Wow, the view from up here is something…”

“You don’t have to yell for fuck’s sake, we can hear you over the holo!” Kerry rolled his eyes and took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. After a short pause he turned to V with his voice much calmer again, his expression softer.

“Any second thoughts?”

“The painkillers they gave me are pretty good,” V shrugged, “Doubt this is gonna make it worse by much. And I don’t trust that he knows what he’s supposed to be lookin’ for on his own.”

The biggest downside of this plan really, but admittedly, V didn’t have a better idea at the given time either. And he sure as hell wouldn’t be able to wind down without being at least somewhat certain they weren’t being monitored here.

“Alright,” Kerry sighed, then raised a finger at V, almost like a scolding parent, and much to V’s amusement, “But you stop if it gets too much. I just gotta give him a call and we’ll send him back up again anytime. Okay?”

“Promise,” V smiled at Kerry, who finally relaxed his shoulders a bit and then fully uncrossed his arms to take V’s hand.

“Uh, I’m ready whenever!” Lee yelled, double thumbs up, and Kerry groaned, muting himself of the holocall.

“Fuck, dunno where he gets the energy from…”

“Drugs?” V shrugged.

“Whatever he’s takin’, I want some.”

V chuckled, regretting it immediately at the sharp pain shooting through his chest – dulled from the meds, but not gone. Then he focused his scanner on Lee and hacked into his optics, unmuting himself at the same time to be able to direct him around.

“Oh, wow, that was weird,” Lee gasped as V’s vision glitched and he found himself on top of the penthouse too now, looking down at himself and Kerry, while still feeling Kerry’s touch giving him stability. He’d never get used to this.

“Alright, turn around,” V said, “Gimme a walkaround of the whole rooftop area, so I get an overview of the layout.”

Lee nodded.

“And don’t… do that. Don’t move your head around too much.”

“Oh, understood!”

Then Lee did as he was told, slowly walking around the roof and following V’s instructions to a T. He had decent Kiroshis, but still not the software and modifications that V was used to, so it took him a couple of minutes to just adjust to that as well, on top of looking through another person’s eyes. It was frustrating that he couldn’t scan some of the tech installed on the roof in the way he wanted to, had to manually instruct Lee to do this or that, look closer at certain panels, follow wires, or open up compartments that shouldn’t normally be opened by people who didn’t know what they were doing. Lee’s constant babbling and whining didn’t help.

“You still good?” Kerry asked after about ten minutes of intensive search, “You’re… swaying a bit.”

“Lemme take another quick look at the AC unit,” V said, but that sentence alone cost him a lot of strength, words coming out only somewhat slurred.

“Vince, don’t overdo it. You promised.”

Kerry’s voice was stern and simultaneously so full of worry, V could downright see his face before him.

“Okay. You’re right… sorry.”

He disconnected from Lee’s optics, and it was good that Kerry was still holding his hand, otherwise he might have just keeled over.

“Woah, shit!” Kerry gasped and V clung to him, stumbling slightly, falling into his arms more or less.

“I’m good, I’m good,” V caught his breath, but he was glad to be able to lean against Kerry for support, “Gimme a minute, my head’s spinning a little.”

“Told you not to overdo it,” Kerry muttered and helped him sit down on one of the nearby deck chairs. After a few deep breaths the dizziness already started to fade again. V grinned at Kerry, and it made his frown slowly melt and change into a soft smile as well.

“Can… can I come down again now?” Lee asked and Kerry and V both sighed deeply, paused to look at the other, then started laughing.

“Yeah, move your ass back down,” Kerry said and sat down next to V on the chair, ending the holocall.

“Love workin’ with amateurs,” V said, and Kerry scoffed.

“Fuckin’ tell me about it,” he said, “Should see him scuttle about the studio like a headless chicken. Wonder which of the label bosses’ dicks he’s sucked to get hired in the first place.”

“Maybe he’s someone’s nephew,” V suggested, and Kerry groaned.

“Good ol’ nepotism, even worse! Fuckin’ and suckin’ your way to the top at least involves a little bit of effort and initiative…”

Kerry let out a long, frustrated sigh, rubbing his face with both hands and pausing for a couple of seconds before turning back to V.

“Anything at all?” he asked, voice lowered, nodding in the direction of the roof. V carefully shook his head.

“Nah. Not sure if I’m relieved or not,” he said with a shrug.

“I’m relieved, for sure,” Kerry said calmly, his posture straightening again, “That’s gotta be worth somethin’, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is,” V nodded, and before he knew it Kerry had his arm around him, holding him close, fingers gently rubbing a tense spot on his upper back. V looked at him, and the way the midday sunlight bounced off of the silver lines on Kerry’s cheeks, the little gold plates, refracted across his freckles, was a sight he could never get enough of. His pretty blue Kiroshis were such a stark, cold contrast to his warm skin, their intensity mesmerizing as Kerry looked him over briefly as if to make sure he was really here with him. A gentle smile curled at the corners of his mouth, the distinguished grey in his beard adding to his radiance, and V’s heart skipped a beat or two. He couldn’t resist pressing a quick kiss against the small golden implant just below Kerry’s cheekbone, much to Kerry’s amusement. Then they just sat quietly, side by side, and watched Lee shakily climb down the maintenance ladder at the backside of the penthouse. It took him even longer to get down than it had taken him to get up, and while V couldn’t hear him, he could see that he was mumbling to himself the whole time.

“Since when is his hair blue?” he asked eventually, a little scared of the answer.

“Not that long, walked in like this last week or somethin’,” Kerry said, “Why?”

V sighed with relief.

“Just a reality check, I guess.”

Another brief pause, the silence between them drowned out by the howling wind announcing a sandstorm already towering in the distance, gunshots and police sirens on the streets below, AVs breezing above their heads. It was like any other day in Night City, and this realization was strangely comforting to V. Some things would never change, no matter how hard you fought them… and that was okay. The world would keep on turning, no matter what became of him, or Kerry, or anyone else.

He looked back at Kerry, who made a frowny face at whatever Lee was doing. V held his thought to just admire the view for a moment, Kerry puzzled and annoyed at the same time, surely a hundred insults at the tip of his tongue about how much he hated the guy – although not nearly as much as Kovachek. Kerry realized he was being watched quickly, as usual.

“What?” he asked with a grin, meeting V’s gaze.

“Nothin’,” V said almost automatically. He leaned into Kerry’s embrace a little bit more.

“I really never told you about the Johnny thing? Seein’ his reflection? Because I was so sure I did…”

Kerry shook his head gently.

“No, promise. That’s definitely something I’d’ve remembered,” he said.

V began to peel at the plastic seam of his cast again. Along the edges the material was kind of rough and a tiny pointy bit stuck out that had been annoying him the whole time already, poking and scratching him. It was too short to properly pinch it, but too thick to just clip it off without a tool. He sighed.

“I’m just… Makes me wonder what else I didn’t actually tell you that I’m sure I did. Y’know…” he hesitated to even think about it.

“Hm?”

V looked up from his hands at Kerry again, eyes big and questioning, but still an encouraging smile on his lips, making V’s heart flutter. On some days he was so numb from all that had happened, but these little moments reminded him he was still able to feel something after all. If he had the guarantee that the only emotion left in his body was his love for Kerry at the end, he probably wouldn’t be so scared of the things to come.

“It’s kinda sick to even think it,” he then said quietly, keeping an eye on Lee who had finally made it to the end of the ladder, “But I was hoping we’d find something. Inside, or up there.”

Kerry frowned, but even before V said it out loud, realization began to dawn in his eyes, his shoulders slumping, his lips parting slightly, but he said nothing just yet.

“’Cause if it’s not Blue-Eyes and his people messing with my head… Maybe this is just me really beginning to lose it. My mind. Myself. Like Alt predicted,” V said quietly.

Kerry seemed to want to say something, but after struggling with words for a few moments he just resorted to moving closer, bumping their foreheads together gently. V closed his eyes, basking in the comfort of Kerry’s presence.

He hated all of this so much, and even more he hated to put Kerry through it as well. Maybe he should’ve listened to Johnny… to not give into his feelings, that is, imagining a long-term relationship with Kerry when even back then his future had looked anything but rosy. On the other hand… he didn’t want to think about in what mental state he’d be now if Kerry wasn’t by his side. Whether he’d still be around at all.

Kerry moved away just enough to be able to look at V properly again, both opening their eyes. Kerry still had his left arm around V’s shoulders, his right hand reached up to cup V’s face, and he melted into the touch. Fuck, he’d been gone for how long, two, three days? And he’d missed this closeness, their quiet intimate moments so much, where neither of them had to say anything. They just understood the other’s pain and thoughts, so well sometimes it scared V a little bit. He could see it in Kerry’s eyes, the same fear sitting deep in his chest, the same worries in the lines on his forehead, his clenched jaw, the tension in his muscles and every movement.

“One day at a time,” Kerry then quietly said, “And positive thinking.”

“Yeah,” V nodded briefly.

In the next second though, much to their annoyance, their little moment was interrupted by Lee’s silhouette blocking out the sun as he approached. He was smiling awkwardly, not sure what to do with his hands, rummaging in the pockets of his blazer. Reluctantly Kerry lowered his hand, but not without brushing his thumb across V’s lips briefly, making him shiver in a good way for once. They both turned to look at Lee who cleared his throat, voice a little shaky as he began to speak.

“Well, that went well, right? I hope? Or… or not?” he asked, looking at them expectantly for a moment, but after receiving no answer, he just continued.

“Kerry, while I’m here… did you, by any chance, have a moment to look at the info I sent you yesterday? Regarding the Crystal Palace gig?”

V didn’t have to let even the faintest noise escape his lips before Kerry turned to look at him. They came to a silent understanding within not more than a second or two, both their expressions neutral to not give too much away in front of Lee. Their eyes spoke all the words necessary. Kerry turned back to his manager.

“Skimmed through it, yeah,” he said briefly.

“Ah, great!” Lee could barely contain his excitement… or rather, he tried everything in his power to mask his nervousness somehow, V got the impression. This guy was really gonna have a hard time in the corporate media world.

“So… what do you think? I can call them back right away, set a date, discuss specifics… Oh, was anything unclear I should ask first, do you have any questions about the conditions they stated?”

Kerry stared at Lee intensely, then threw another brief glance at V.

“Gimme a couple more days to think about it. I’ll call ya, or see ya at the studio or whatever,” Kerry decided and with a waving hand motion gestured him to leave.

“Oh, um, okay, well,” Lee stammered, “Sure, we can do that! Whatever you say! I uh… I’ll find the way out myself.”

“Lee,” Kerry said in a warning tone as he was about to turn around, “Remember: you weren’t here today. You saw nothin’.”

“Ah, yes, uh, of course!” he stammered, stumbling slightly as he turned around to eagerly nod.

Both V and Kerry looked after him as he then walked off, back inside and towards the direction of the elevator.

“Think he’s maybe just a little bit scared of us?” V grinned at Kerry. That finally brought Kerry’s smile back, cheeky, with a little mischievous glint in his eyes. He saw him like this too rarely lately and couldn’t help himself but reach out with his healthy hand, stroke his cheek, run his fingers along his cyberware, through his beard. Kerry closed his eyes and leaned into V’s hand now, in return causing V’s heart to bounce around like crazy. How dared he be so gorgeous?

“Not as much of us as of gettin’ the Kovachek-treatment if he gets funny with me,” Kerry said quietly, eyes still closed, and V chuckled.

“He got a yacht?”

“No, and he wouldn’t dare get one!” Kerry laughed, then blinked up at him and bit his lip, “But the pay bump he got for signing me just bought him a brand-new Caliburn. Or so I’ve heard.”

“Ohoho, interesting, interesting…” V mused, but before he could finish the thought Kerry leaned in and captured his lips in a kiss. It was chaste almost, for Kerry’s standards at least, just the softest nibble, the faintest flick of his tongue. V’s hand slipped to the back of Kerry’s head, across velvety buzzed hair, fingers massaging encouragingly. In contrast to the almost careful, gentle movement of his lips though, Kerry’s breath was hot and needy, and when he slowly, reluctantly pulled back, his cheeks were flushed, and his eyes wandered back to V’s mouth, his neck, his chest…

“Still up for a shower?” he then asked, and V didn’t have to say a thing before Kerry got up and pulled him with him.

They left a trail of clothes on their way inside, across the living room, up the stairs, laughing and whispering and peppering kisses on exposed skin in-between. V was still slower and more unsure in his movements than he would’ve liked, too stiff to get out of his shirt on his own, struggling to open the zipper on his pants, but Kerry was more than happy to help with both. The last piece of clothing dropped just before they reached the bathroom. Kerry’s kisses became greedier, devouring almost, and V let himself be guided to the shower blindly, arms around Kerry’s shoulders, Kerry’s touch purposeful but gentle, hands trailing down V’s sides, then coming to a rest on his hips. Hot water began to rain down on them as they stumbled into the shower, and V broke their kiss just for a moment, gasping at the sudden heat and the downpour of water on his bruises.

“All good?” Kerry asked out of breath, pupils blown wide with desire and V wanted to just lose himself in their beckoning darkness. He didn’t reply, instead pulled Kerry back against his mouth, a little awkwardly with only one healthy hand. Their teeth clashed briefly, eliciting an amused groan from Kerry. His grip on V’s hips grew tighter, but before long his hands wandered to the small of his back, sliding across wet skin down to his butt, leaving no air between their entangled bodies. V gasped, moaned into Kerry’s kiss, at the slight pain each touch, each of their movements caused him… but also at the realization of just how hard Kerry had gotten already, just from undressing and touching, holding and kissing each other like this…

“Vince,” Kerry gasped, the rawness of his voice causing V’s skin to tingle, and when Kerry then slipped his hand between V’s legs, V’s head began to spin.

“Oh, fuck… Kerry…” he didn’t even know how he was still talking, capable of forming words, teasing fingers knowing exactly where and how to touch to drive V crazy, circling, sliding, probing, with just the right amount of pressure. Hand digging into the soft skin and flesh of Kerry’s back, V’s hips instinctively bucked into Kerry’s rhythmic movements, and Kerry adjusted his own stance to grind himself against V’s leg. They’d broken their kiss, and instead now Kerry’s tongue was trailing down V’s neck. Kissing, gently biting along the edges of his chrome, Kerry did the same V loved to do him, because he knew how raw and sensitive ‘ganic skin could be around the edges of a piece of cyberware.

V relished in all the sensations… the hot water engulfing them, washing away the sweat and badlands dust that still stuck to him, Kerry’s touch and kisses, his soft moans and heavy breathing against V’s neck, wet sounds and grunts echoing from the bathroom tiles. The impressions took over V’s thoughts completely, the blissful pain and the soft warmth of Kerry’s skin, the slight scratch and tickle of his beard, the slowly fading but still distinct scent of his cologne… His own racing heartbeat, the tingling heat pooling deep inside him as Kerry got him closer to the edge with every touch, ground against him with intense lust, pushing away all the fear and hurt and worry. Even if it was only temporarily, V embraced all logic and concern leaving his body for this.

When Kerry pulled his hand away all of a sudden, V grunted in protest. Kerry’s fingernails dug into the sides of V’s thighs, and he glanced up at him through long dark eyelashes, out of breath and lips plump and so goddamn kissable… V couldn’t restrain himself, wanted to taste and devour him, lick into his hot wet mouth, breathe his air, become one with him. Kerry moaned against V’s lips, breath shaky, voice startled almost, but once more melting against him. His hands grabbed V’s hips harder, pinning him in place against the shower wall, and his hard, hot cock slipped where his hand had been before. V groaned, whimpering a curse and Kerry’s name against his mouth, and Kerry chuckled between moans and kisses.

They clung to the other like their lifeline, grinding and gasping with pleasure against each other, Kerry picking up the pace and V meeting his every movement.

“Fuck, you feel so good, Vince,” Kerry whispered against V’s neck, raspy voice almost drowned out by the rushing water, but still enough to nearly send him over the edge right then and there.

“I love you so much,” V gasped, and Kerry moaned his name, burying his face against the crook of V’s neck as his body tensed up against him and spilled his hot, sticky release between V’s thighs. It didn’t take much more for V to come, feeling so wanted, cherished, his profession of love of all things letting Kerry climax… V’s legs were shaking, his voice hoarse as he pulled Kerry against him, riding out his orgasm for as long as he could stay on his feet before the heavenly weight of the afterglow took over and they both sank down to the shower floor. Breathing heavily, they still held on to each other reassuringly, kept lazily kissing, were happy to just exist in this moment together without words, enjoying the warmth and silence. For a couple of minutes, the world seemed to have stopped turning after all.

“I’m gonna feel that tomorrow…” V chuckled as they laid in bed in each other’s arms shortly after, hair still wet and tousled, wrapped up loosely in a big soft towel together.

“Just not in the way you wanna, probably,” Kerry grinned, but then he frowned, “Hope I wasn’t too rough.”

“You know I like it a bit rough,” V teased.

“Yeah, but still.”

Kerry’s eyes wandered to the bruises on V’s chest again. He’d really been careful about not grabbing him too roughly there, but in the heat of the moment…

“I won’t break so easily,” V said, “And I didn’t realize how much I needed that.”

Kerry’s smile returned and he inched a little closer.

“Always happy to serve,” he purred, fingertips light as feathers trailing down V’s arm, all the way to his cast-covered hand.

“Aw crap, keep forgetting about that,” he mumbled, resorting to wrap his arm around V’s waist instead of lacing their fingers like they normally would. Outside, the sandstorm was just about to hit, dulling the sun and creating a strangely soothing, cozy orange glow around them. V was close to just dozing off, Kerry had his eyes shut as well, but he managed to not slip away just yet.

“Kerry?” he asked quietly.

“Mh-hm?” Kerry hummed without opening his eyes, not just looking but also sounding half-asleep already.

“I love you, no matter what happens… no matter how this all goes down. Even if I don’t show it or can’t say it anymore,” he said, managing not more than a whisper.

Kerry’s eyes fluttered open again, glistening slightly, glowing almost in the dimmed light. He looked away for a moment, then back at V.

“I know,” he said quietly, “And I’ll love you, no matter what comes next or what you decide. I’ll be there for you.”

“Yeah… I know.”

V let out a deep breath and at least a little bit of the tension that had taken a hold of his body again faded. Kerry’s thumb circled V’s hipbone absentmindedly.

“Well… what comes next?” he then asked after a short pause, “Wanna look around the house more later, or…”

“No, I wouldn’t know where anymore,” V said slowly, “I think all we can do now is wait for Mr. B’s call, I guess. See if he keeps his promise.”

“I swear, if the guy tries to play you, or comes around the corner with even more demands…” Kerry grumbled, “I’ll guarantee for nothin’ anymore.”

“Love it when you’re getting’ all protective of me,” V chuckled, but Kerry remained serious.

“I mean it,” he said, “I dunno, but… just let me know what he does and what he wants. Let me be a part of it this time.”

V hesitated, but he also had to remind himself that Kerry was a sly dog with many connections. He was not to be underestimated, not your typical plastic idol that was more a product than a human being, that needed constant protection… at least not from others.

All of a sudden, he realized that that could be a reason weighing a lot heavier than the convenience of only having to manipulate V, not Kerry as well, by driving a wedge between them. Mr. B had continued to tell him to not let Kerry in on any details of their plans, every step of the way, even after V had repeatedly reassured him that he would not, that he never talked about sensitive client matters with outsiders, especially not while they were still in the planning phase. He had mistaken Mr. B’s requests as simple mistrust at first, then as a reminder to not to mess or disobey him and his people or face according consequences. The good old “if you don’t do this, something might happen to your loved ones” approach.

But maybe… Mr. B had actually been scared that Kerry would smell bullshit, had V let him in on all of this earlier. Kerry wasn’t dying, he wasn’t at anyone’s mercy. And he’d lived in NC long enough, played in the city’s games many times over, and recognized their patterns. V had grown up and lived in the corporate world as well but… It was always hardest to see the whole web – or the spider – when you were caught up in the middle of it. Just how Kerry hadn’t realized that Kovachek had been playing him, while V smelled the media circus from 10 miles away, V hadn’t seen through Mr. B’s schemes this clearly until he was given Kerry’s uninvolved outsider’s perspective. Only slowly he began to see the full extent of his manipulation now, and he might never have if it wasn’t for Kerry... The true irony though was that, if he was correct in his assumptions, Mr. B had played himself now by excluding Kerry from the equation so consistently. The one question remained though… was this only about getting V to do their bidding, was he really that good of an asset to them? Or was there even more to their agenda that warranted all the scheming?

“V, you okay?” Kerry asked, and V realized his thoughts had been trailing off for quite a while, “Hope Johnny’s not back now, too.”

“No, no I’m good,” V said, moving closer to give Kerry a quick kiss, “Better than I’ve been in a while.”

“Well damn, I should start marketing shower sex as the newest miracle cure…”

V laughed, flinched in pain again briefly, but continued to smile at Kerry fondly.

“I guess sometimes I just need my brains fucked out to see clearly again,” he joked.

“Good, good, write that in the pitch!” Kerry egged him on.

“Can’t see clearly anymore at your stressful corporate job? Try to… get fucked!” V said in his best commercial voice and they both burst into laughter. Their voices echoed from the gallery and filled the walls of the penthouse with desperately needed joy.

Sure, in the end, there were no such things as miracle cures. At least not without strings attached or coming at a high price. V was only too aware. And sure, once his and Kerry’s high wore off, and reality came crashing down again, things would probably start looking a lot grimmer again. But in this moment at least, V did not dread what was to come as much anymore, knowing there was no way in hell Kerry would allow him to go through it all alone again.

(aösdfjdaösfasdf thanks for reading here all the way! I don't normally write smut and was hella nervous about posting this at all, I hope this wasn't too awkward xD but I also wanna continue sharing this story, as long as at least one of you wants to continue reading it! and some fluff and happiness was necessary after 4 chapters of angst so far. also would love to hear feedback and thoughts in regard to where you think things might go on from here, cause I have stuff planned (that might all become obsolete depending on the ending Phantom Liberty adds but oh well!! for now The Sun is my canon at least XD))

>> Next Chapter

also, a little bonus for everyone who's made it this far:

This is a random corpo NPC I came across in AMM some time ago - his hair isn't exactly how I picture it, but yeah - that's what Lee looks like in my head, just fyi XD maybe I'll mod a proper appearance for him some time (picture him with the same hair color, but Rachel Casich's hairstyle instead XD and dressed a bit more fancy than this)

Poor Kerry is not amused xD so yeh, if you ever come across him somewhere in Night City, he's probably on some shady errand for Kerry and Vince again, tsk tsk xD

[toomuchsmoshbrainrot]

silly little smosh fanfic game

So I played this game once really early on when I was BARELY following anyone on here. I'mma bring it back because I can.

I've delved back into writing fanfic for Smosh, and I'm working on one for Whumptober (started STUPID early, like back in February, because i Do Not Trust Myself to Finish Things).

My published fics so far, I forced myself to be a little more descriptive, but most of my writing, this Whumptober project included, is super dialogue heavy, and I feel like most of my ideas come from one little dumb line of dialogue that I then build around.

So I thought it might be a fun dumb lil game for me to post some of my favorite ones I’ve written, and see if people can figure out who’s saying them/if the lines have personality.

THE LINES (line breaks are to separate the chapters, so the ones in the same groups might have a lot of the same people speaking)

“Yeah, anyone can do that. I’d like an actual challenge, thank you.”/“And I’d like a friend that’s alive, thank you.”

“Well, if you boys are done, I’m going back inside. I’m not missing out on my entire lunch to babysit you psychos.”

“You do realize, when I said I loved you to death, you weren’t supposed to take it as a challenge, right?”/“Do I look dead to you? I lived, bitch.”

"Shayne says I'm a Chosen."/"Yeah, whatever the hell that means."

"If I find out you tried this again and you die, I’m raising you from the dead, and killing you again myself.”/“The scary part is I actually believe you could pull that off.”

---

"I know I joked that I was gonna go hard, but I felt bad. I couldn’t do it. Dude, I whiffed so hard, you thought I was Keith.”

“I’m sure it looks like I got punched in the face. Because I did.”

“Hey, for an asshole, at least he’s kinda weak…”

---

“She’s gonna kill me.”/“You know, I’m not sure if you mean Zoe or Courtney, but either way, I’m inclined to agree.”

“While I’m sure there’s a weird corner of the internet that would be into watching that, we’d never do that to you.”

“See? This is what I’m talking about… stubborn idiot.”/“OUR stubborn idiot.”/“If I had the strength to fight that right now, I would.”/“And yet you love us for some reason.”/“Pretty sure there’s only one person here I’ve actually said those words to, and it isn’t you.”/“Fine, they can take care of you, then.”/“Maybe I will.” (this one was originally just the first 2 lines... it's grown and i love it all)

---

“Nobody watching will ever even know what happened, you can make up as wild a story as you want.”/“Bears?”/“The animal or the gay kind?”

“It’s not gonna make you sweat, it’s the thinnest, tiniest, shittiest blanket we have. I’m pretty sure we rescued it out of one of Spencer’s desk drawers months ago."

“I’m not leaving you. Not in this state. You’re a wreck.”/“…Literally when am I NOT a wreck?”

(i have a few other favorite lines in this one but they rely on the context of the person's name, so they aren't fun for this game)

---

“Maybe if you wrote legibly, you could keep your secret. This looks nothing like any of the words you just said.”/“That’s on y'all for not being able to read.”/“…Wait. Aren’t you literally a lefty?”/“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

---

“Just needed to step out for some air.”/“Like… ‘the guys are smothering me with their energy’ air, or actual air you need to breathe?”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I believe I am sufficiently stressed enough to have a good cry in the bathroom.”/“Oh my God, it was a JOKE.”

---

“I think I’m in a toxic relationship with your ramen.”

---

“Closed-toed shoes while we’re working, please.”/“I’m giving you feet content for free right now.”/“She has a point. There are literally power tools everywhere, and you’re walking around in fucking Birkenstocks.”

---

“He said he was going to get a blanket last I saw him. Maybe check Reddit Stories set? You guys are obsessed with that thing.” (chants *blanket lore! blanket lore! blanket lore!*)

“It’s not a fever, I’m naturally this hot.”/“Well, at least you’re feeling enough like yourself to say things like that.”

[demonir]

Thinking about this dream I had yesterday that had some strange moments, not because “oh dream logic” but because it kinda broke the rules of how my dreams normally go and once I woke up I kept thinking about it for half the day

Content warning for house invasion… it doesn’t actually happen but I’m gonna mention it given that it’s a recurring nightmare I have.

Also engineer tf2 was in there for some reason he’s like the tutorial npc that traps you inside the scenario but the dream is not mostly about him

Normally there’s hardly any “scene cuts” or “fade ins/outs” between different dreams, they all sorta blend in with each other which will have me like idk… sitting in my living room talking to someone but then 2 minutes later I am outside in the middle of a forest chasing frogs, you get that?

Anyways this started as what I’ll call a “dream transition” I was inside my home in my old teenage room although the furniture was arranged weirdly but that’s not the point, I was with someone (with a very vague appearance but I somehow identified as fem) and we talked and stuff happened (the details of that stay with me bc it’s embarrassing) at some point we are dealing with robot babies, robot cats, and robot dogs? They ran all around the place and cried because they wanted food and attention, I pick up what I think was a robot baby by the arms as I turn around to look to the person who I was talking to prior and I go “I’m tired of these” because in the dream it felt like we had been dealing with them for a long long time

The person in front of me by that moment had turned from a very vague feminine figure to motherfucking engineer tf2, and he looked at me and smiled before saying something like “they are a handful…” I don’t think those were the exact words but I remember that whatever he said implied that it was hard for us to take care of these little guys when we had full time jobs and lives to deal with… now mind you that I am unemployed lol. I somehow subconsciously knew this and that we were also in a relationship? And had been for a while?

A person I’m talking to in a dream turning into someone else suddenly isn’t new and in the moment I never rationalize it so that wasn’t the first weird occurrence… the actual weird thing was when “I” (that is to say dream me) dropped the baby thing before approaching engineer, placing my hands on his shoulders and saying “I think I’m ready for the real thing” then suddenly as if it was an info update my dream lore lets me know that the reason we were dealing with this was because we were practicing being parents with robots? Now I cannot stress this enough but I would NEVER in a MILLION FUCKING YEARS agree to getting pregnant, I don’t want children… maybe I could change my mind if I reach stability in my life but it certainly would be through adoption only but well the point is that this is VERY uncharacteristic of me, it wouldn’t be the first time that dream me does something I would never do so this doesn’t really rise any red flags for me and the dream continues

Next thing engineer does is take out a little remote from his pocket and press a button that suddenly makes all the robots around us explode into a million pieces and then he smiles at me and goes “why didn’t you say so sooner darling?” Which was honestly the most hilarious part of the entire dream and it would make for a funny fanfic scenario

Anyways the next part is blurry and I don’t remember what we say to each other, something about “what are we going to do with all this junk?” Before engineer looks at me with a smirk and goes “junk? That’s why I built this cabin! To put all the junk inside” and just like that in that moment we stopped being inside my room and we were now outside a small wooden cabin by the beach, no fence around us or other cabins/houses to be seen nearby as he opened the front door and let me inside.

Now believe me when I say the cabin was SMALL, small enough that having just the two of us inside felt like a crowd… now let me try to shittily describe how it looked like. When you open the front door you’re immediately met with the mix of dining room/kitchen, the “dining room” being a very small square light colored wooden table against the right wall with two small matching wooden foldable chairs, one of the chairs was folded out while the other was folded and put against a small crevice between the table and the wall to the right of it (facing the front door so you couldn’t see it until you walked in) On top of the table but more towards the right corner was a very small square tv hanging from the wall, it was a very retro looking chunky black tv, it was situated so that you could watch it while sitting at the table or standing in the kitchen and somehow I was filled with memories of doing just that countless of times.

Looking past the table straight ahead there’s a small counter that separates the “dining room” from the actual kitchen, it’s made out of different colored wood with light blue accents and behind it were stools so that you could sit there and eat. Even though it’s the first time I saw this place in a dream I somehow knew that fact. Behind that was the actual kitchen with its counter, it’s oven, it’s fridge, it’s hanging cabinets on top and some cooking utensils around… it was all quite retro but cozy, lots of light blue and cyan. To the left of the kitchen was the door to the backyard, this will be important later

To the left of me and all of this I just described is an open space that we could call a corridor… just the empty space left for one to comfortably walk from one side to the other and on that other side were two doors. The door closest to me led to a small living room area that had some hand made wooden couches with I think green pillows and cushions on them? It was a gray-ish green color but it could have also been more blue to match the rest of the house, at the center was a small wooden coffee table and the walls had really big windows that let all the sunlight in with of course it’s big curtains to cover them (they were long and big, blue with wide yellow stripes that had thinner white and black stripes on each side… or at least I think that’s what they looked like bc irl my mom has similar curtains somewhere)

The remaining door led to what I knew to be me and engineer’s room although I didn’t get to really walk inside, I could only see the outline of our big bed from outside since it was pitch black inside for some reason…

Anyways why am I describing all of this in detail? 1: because I want to be able to come back to this and remember it and 2: because this is VERY ODD for me! Whenever I have a dream inside some place it’s somewhere I know, my house, my middle school, a supermarket however despite that the places themselves are never really…detailed if that makes sense, I see them and remember them as vague blurry paintings with no discerning features or details so this dream I’m telling you right now is a big BIG outlier because as I was in it I could see the details around me, the indents on the table and the texture of the wood and even after I woke up I could remember it clearly. Also I think it’s worth to mention that engineer said this place was “for junk” but the cabin was… very clean and well kept? And somehow in the dream logic I knew we had both been living there together for a while?

Anyways continuing the dream, engie walks me inside and intends for the two of us to sit at the small table to talk about well… starting a family, as we walk inside the sun outside starts to set and this activates an immediate response on me of “oh, gotta take care of things!” So I guess I tell engie to wait for a moment as I go around the cabin dimming the lights and closing the curtains, I walk around like I had been living there forever and I close curtains and windows with the practice of someone who’s done this a hundred times, I can see engie in the corner of my eye in the dining room as I continue on. I remember closing the big ass curtains in the living room and thinking “gotta close the curtains! I don’t want some creep to be able to look inside and watch us!” This is… a very weird thing to say and think but it’s a fear my mom has ingrained in my brain since childhood so it’s whatever, I guess this also plays into what happens later.

As I leave the living room and lock the door behind me I walk down to the backyard door in the kitchen and suddenly somehow I know that I am alone in this place now… alone in reality entirely, I have some dreams that I call “single player mode” where it’s just me in there and nothing else, no animals no humans no sentient beings no NOTHING but my surroundings… and I am at peace with this fact. As the dream shifts to single player mode I am not disturbed in the slightest and continue my task, the backyard door was wide open and I was about to close it when I think “oh I should check the outside bathroom!” Yknow those stereotypical wooden rectangles with a toilet inside? I don’t remember the name for those so I’ll just call it outside bathroom, I walk out into the backyard to check it and find that the door is wide open and I’m like “tsk tsk this is no way to leave things!” The structure itself is very much falling apart, the wood is rotting and the thing is leaning to the side as it sinks into the beach sand under it but this doesn’t seem to bother me at all as I close the door, then on the floor next to it I see a small shitty wooden chest that looked like a videogame wooden chest so I’m like oh! Treasure! And I go to pick up and open it to find about 4 smaller wooden boxes inside that I somehow instinctively knew had coins inside? And at the bottom of the chest there were the words “come back in five minutes” carved into it. I took the small boxes and began to walk back to the cabin but midway in I think “what if I get myself hit with some sort of ancient curse? I’m not risking it” so I walk back decided to return the coin boxes to the chest

As I reach the bathroom again a person appears in front of me from behind a wooden structure a little behind the bathroom and to the right, it was two walls that ended in a corner with a wooden floor and there was a table against one of the walls as well as a little grill… obviously a spot for a barbecue, by this moment I also notice that there were long wooden poles stabbed into the sand connected by rope for us to hang our laundry to dry, the colors of the clothes hung on it decorated the place and made it seem like a party.

Now this very obviously startles the FUCK out of me for a moment because I was entirely convinced that up to that point I was in “single player mode” and suddenly there is a man (a very detailed and realistic one at that) approaching me (this counts like the second or third incredibly weird occurrence in my dream)

Anyways this man approaches me and he is just as detailed as the environment around me, he’s taller than me, white and very pale at that, shaved head and some messy stubble, a small golden hoop for an earring on his left ear, wore a big baggy white t shirt with what I think was some metal band logo on it? Yknow the ones that look like scribbles? He also was wearing some mega baggy bell bottom pants with some patches in them and I think some white converse shoes. He had real jesse pinkman meets eminem vibes to him (he might have been wearing a black hoodie on top of the t shirt as well? At some angles he seemed to have black sleeves and a hood hanging on his back)

This man looks at me and asks me in a very suspicious and anxious manner if I can give him 500 pesos to go buy something at the store and he explains that the thing technically costs more than that but he just needs that amount from me because he’s?? Gonna do “something”? Gonna tell the employees “something”? He is very vague about what he’s gonna do and his body language is shaky and strange, this immediately makes me think “oh this guy is gonna do some money laundering shit if I give him my money and then they’re gonna trace it back to me and then IM gonna be arrested!” (Funnily enough my mind didn’t think about drugs even one time) so I take a moment to try and calm my nerves and I reply to him in the most polite way I can saying that I can’t give him the money because I simply do not have it (this might contradict the “I had a full time job” statement previously but at the moment in my dream I was thinking of my irl situation where I do not have that money or a job) the man insists one more time before I tell him I’m sorry that I can’t help and he seems to take the answer although he grumbles and mumbles some inaudible stuff as he walks past me and away.

I now feel a sense of dread and unease, I feel as if I’m in danger so I walk back to the cabin and close the backyard door behind me and begin to lock it as I mentally thank engineer for including locking mechanisms on all the cabin doors. This marks weird occurrence number 4/5? Because in most of my dreams doors tend to be unreliable fucks that never close properly and have no locks to them which makes my nightmares absolutely horrible as whatever is trying to harm me cannot be stopped so me being able to properly close this door and lock it (although with a rudimentary lock mechanism) felt honestly amazing. I proceed to run to the front door and lock that one too before I turn off all the lights in the cabin and I am suddenly in the darkness with the only light being the remaining rays of sun from the outside and suddenly before I know it that same guy from before is standing behind my backyard door loudly sobbing and crying as he is I think rattling the doorknob or hitting the door with his fist, I know it’s him because the only window without curtains IS the door itself so I can see his head and he can see inside so I fearfully duck and crawl on the floor so that he doesn’t see me.

Last thing I remember before I woke up was thinking that I should crawl to my bedroom and lock the door behind me for safety

And that’s it! This might not seem weird to anyone else but me and that’s ok, I’m just honesty baffled and mildly intrigued by this dream and I wish I could understand the meaning behind it… if there even is any. I might draw what the cabin looked like if I find the strength in me to grab a pen

[spidercookie18]

I'm having a crisis. And im going to talk about wanting to die.

Know first that no matter how scary this post may be, I've moved past seriously attempting to unalive. I promise I have a support group, and this is not anything like that.

It is 5 a.m. when I started writing this. I woke up crying, and now im worried I'm gonna be having an existential crisis for the next few days til I can get my head on straight.

I. Am.... turning 24 in less than 3 months. And I am freaking the fuck out about it. I woke up with my ears ringing in pain, my joints aching, and my stomach and head killing me. Yes, I did it to myself, but that's not the point.

I realized, now that I am going to be.... living past my 'expiration date', that I have to live inside this body. And to live inside this body is painful.

Now that my life plans don't stop at 24, I don't know what to do.

For the longest time, it was: who cares if - - - -, I'll be dead at 24.

And now, that's not the case.

Now, I have people in my life who love me, and that would not survive hearing I died. I've never had that before, and I've never had people to live for before. It's terrifying.

This is both the best and the worst feeling in the world... to know that I get to live for them and that I'm not allowed to die.

Now that my plans include growing old, which is such a WEIRD fucking thought for me. I mean fuck, I've tried to die and begged for death for so many years. I can still feel the pain of my kidneys shutting down, and now I take daily vitamins to stay 'healthy'????

FUCK

No one ever talks about how FUCKING ODD life is after ';'

They just tell you.... fuck, they don't tell you. People have always avoided talking about this. They just talk about how 'greateful they are to be alive' and all the bullshit about how great life is!

And it is, but it's also, it is terrifying. I go to work and talk and smile to people in passing glances. I have a regular, schmegular life, and in the back of my mind when having a conversation about something so insignificant like "do you like pineapple on your pizza?" While I'm thinking about how I thought about walking into traffic that morning.

YES I DO LIKE PINEAPPLE ON MY PIZZA, AND I CAN EAT WHAT THE FUCK EVER I WANT NOW BECAUSE ME AND MY BODY DESERVE GOOD THINGS!

...I'm looking at all the scars on my body and... idk man, I don't hate them anymore, but I wish I had been kinder to myself. When I think about making new ones I just have some water and a granola bar instead.

Such a stupid fucking internal dialog too 'hey you wanna do something bad to your body?' "Nah, lets have a snack instead" lmao

And 90% of the time, it actually works!

I love my support group, and I know I stress them out. I never thought I'd be the kind of person to say they were loved. I mean, my friends are flying into town for my "congrats on beating your record for consecutive days alive" birthday party 😂 and ik its gonna make a lot of people uncomfortable, but its not for them. I like living for me.

Anyways... Now that my plans include growing old, I have to take care of my body. And I'm so fucking excited to grow old that I can't even express it in words. I get to live and watch my friends live. I can have a family and make it as big as I want, fill it with all the love and kindness the world never showed me. I want that. And I am so excited to experience the days as they come. I'm ready to be the kindness for others that no one was for me.

I still think about it all the time. And sometimes, it's really hard to push those thoughts away. Some days, it still feels like I'm drowning. Some days, I think how easy it'd have been if the thoughts had won.

And other days, I get to smile at strangers, or have a yummy drink, or feel the warm Sun on my skin in the cool autumn breeze, or eat sushi, or gossip with someone that loves me. Hell, even getting to write the damn stupid vampire fanfics is a good day for living, lol.

I am so excited to help other people live, too...

But also, fuck. Now I have to take care of myself??? It's not just "dang, i got tenitus?" *shrugs in suicide*

GAH

But also, yay. Lol.

Life is so fucking weird man. But it's good to be alive. 🩷

[ttomuras]

hehe as you wish @lilybitten 😌 you unleashed the shiganatsu beast. the beast lives inside of me and it survives off of monster energy and 2 hours off sleep (it’s just shigaraki in a wig?) here is my (vv long) elaboration on why shiganatsu is tHE superior ship (in regards to the fanfic potential especially because i am a writer):

imagine this: both shiggy and natsuo meet online over gaming. shiggy already loves gaming and i can imagine natsuo getting into gaming as a thing to help him relax and come down after a stressful day (with medical school and the family drama he really needs sth of that form). so they meet online over gaming and they become gaming buddies rather quickly without knowing who the other person is.

of course it’s common to have friends you meet online and you refer to by their gamertag only but they also both have reasons as to why they are hiding their real identity from each other. shigaraki, obviously, being a criminal and the most wanted man in all of japan, doesn’t want to give the police a chance to track him down or scare his new friend away. and natsuo a) doesn’t want to be associated with his trash ass father (understandably) and b) doesn’t want people to see him as the ‘son of the number one hero’ but instead see him for him and get to know him for him. so they both have valid reasons to try to keep who they are from each other! which is the perfect basis for some drama.

they don’t know who they are so they can become friends without their names/identity and the association with those being in the way. they probably share some similar views on hero society (shiggy hating it and natsuo probably having some mixed feelings considering what went on inside his house and how none of the other heroes ever noticed anything and possibly turning a blind eye which i could imagine makes him feel a little less friendly and more sceptical towards pro-heroes), shiggy dislikes endeavor and natsuo obviously agrees and natsuo wants to go into medicine so he probably cares about people, especially those who are in need of help and support which shiggy obviously likes. those are all things they could easily bond over. <33

now, they are friends and enjoy talking to each other. and over time they start developing feelings for each other because the other person likes them for them and don’t have any of the expectations others in their life have for them and that’s just so sweet. they both are a kind of escape to each other from their daily life and responsibilities. also they probably share a few personal details about their past that they don’t feel like they could tell anyone else because at the end of the day they don’t really know each other in person and it’s easier being deep and personal with a person who is only an avatar and a voice. less pressure.

they fall in love yay and tHEN THEY FIND OUT WHO THEY ARE. it’s probably through an accident. natsuo accidentally drops his brothers name (shouto, who shiggy obviously knows) and/or toga/dabi walk into shiggy’s room and don’t notice he is on voice dropping some lov related info to him. it doesn’t really matter but they both find out who the other person is and it’s a hUGE DRAMA. because natsuo is like “that’s a villain??? i have been talking to a villain for months?? it’s fucking shigaraki too and i?? i have a crush on the most wanted man in japan?!?!?” and shiggy is like “i am attracted to endEAVOR’S SON WTF” both valid reactions. 😌😌

see this has them both in a pickle. because if they’d known from the very beginning who they are they would have never started talking, much less become friends and develop feelings, but now that they actually care about each other it’s much more difficult to just cut each other out. natsuo especially struggles because shigaraki IS a criminal (and a murderer oops) and getting involved with him would also be kind of illegal 🙄. but shigaraki isn’t just shigaraki anymore. he is his gamer buddy, they shared imitate details about their life, they talked to each other almost every day for weeks and they always were there for each other when one of them wanted to vent about their day or needed comfort. there are emotions involved and shigaraki also isn’t as evil as the news makes him out. he has some valid points and critique and he mostly sounds frustrated with how things are now and wants them to change. his execution is lacking for sure but natsuo ends up giving him a chance. (maybe they do need a push, maybe the league needs a medic asap and natsuo is the only one shiggy can think of and natsuo can’t find it in himself to refuse someone in need help).

now this is where shit gets actually good because natsuo gets officially involved with the league and who is part of the league? dABI!! and eventually dabi will find out they are dating :)))) like obviously the two of them try to keep it a secret because shiggy IS a villain and natsuo IS the son of the number one but it will come out and dabi wILL be pissed. because HIS LITTLE BROTHER is dating hIS BOSS who is also the lEADER of the lov!! (we assume in this scenario dabi actually cares about the brother he went to cry to every night when he was a child and ignore canon 😐😐) . then natsuo will find out touya is still alive!!! (todoroki drama <3) but the most amazing part about this all?? shigaraki will find out that dabi is also a todoroki! so his boyfriend turned out to be a todoroki and the guy in his little villain club is aLSO a todoroki???

(at some point he probably sits the league down all distressed and is like “does anyone here wants to tell me sth??? if any of you are also related to endeavour tELL ME RIGHT NOW!!” he is going through it for a little bit here lmao)

i also like the idea of natsuo and dabi bonding over being family disappointments to their father. since one of them is a villain and the other one is dating a villain (also if you like rumi/fuyumi it would be even funnier because on the other side we’d have shouto who is a pro-hero to be, and fuyumi who would be dating a pro!! a kid of each kind sknrfksjne) and i just think they’d be giggling and kicking their feet over how endeavour would react to that lmaoo

and that is why i am a sucker for shigaraki x natsuo and i think they’re kind of cute. i rest my case :)))

[potatopossums]

relationships scare me right now. even QPRs feel like they're so much expectation. so much desire. how does anyone ever line up? sure, making all my life choices through a lens of living alone, or even living as a single person in a group housing situation, is scary in its own way. but what are these expectations that just. spring forth? they come from me and they come out of every orifice, from the other person, just everywhere. why.

i don't want every relationship of mine to feel traumatic. maybe it's just my Late Night Brain talking. but i can't really imagine feeling safe with anyone i choose, simply because i choose them. for some reason, i keep experiencing this feeling. part of me wonders if it's just a fear of vulnerability, like the existence of fear within a relationship doesn't damn the relationship or make it bad, it just means there are things inside of you at war with your definition of safety. well, i keep revisiting this newly ex-qpr and filling with dread. wanting to back up again. not wanting to be touched by her. and yet I'm here wanting sex in general, wanting touch in general, wanting to drown myself in all the lovely smut and fluff fanfics there ever were. i want this happiness, i want kisses to feel good, i want to feel wanted for real, and if i were to be in any sort of relationship i would want to feel stable and happy and unafraid. never questioning whether this person cares about me. maybe that's a bit of a stretch because people grow together in trust, and there will always be moments of fear or doubt, as much as we want to avoid them. i just. want to feel far less stressed than i do. and I don't want to be with someone who, after leaving me again and again, says "oh i won't run away this time." even when she means the best. i know she will run away because she's scared. and i don't want to be run away from. i don't want to be abandoned every time there's anxiety. i don't want to get used to that feeling. it fucking sucks. i want someone who will enthusiastically stick around, someone who will tell me when they're hurting and scared, but not think they need to fucking leave me in order to solve it.

[an-annyeoing-writer]

vulnerability. – chap. 3.

Story info:

Pair: Byun Baekhyun x Reader

Rating: +18 for mentions of s*x and violence (future chapters)

Genre: angst, smut

Chapter info:

Release date: 29th July 2021

Word count: 4 219

Warnings: none

Vulnerability Masterlist || Fanfiction Masterlist || Ko-Fi

Taglist:

@shesdreaminginoverdose @mybiasdashboard @marimsun @byuns-asscheeks @multi–kpop–fanfics @vunv @making-me-blush @skittlez-area512 @bloopbloopkai @byuns-asscheeks @baekyeonoreo @devotedexolnhottest @mingxia-nikki04 @velvetjongin @ssssssul (won't let me tag you T_T) @nemi-mei @buttercupbbh

Please, always comment on the newest chapter if you wish to be added to/removed from the taglist. I will be also checking the tags, so if you’re shy – feel free to leave a note this way.

Previous (Chap. 2.)

Chap. 3.

The tension that appeared the moment you received the phone call from Baekhyun did not dissolve with time. In fact, the opposite happened – it grew as the time passed, and as Saturday came closer and closer. Finally, once your Friday to Saturday night shift came to an end and you stumbled into your flat around 4 in the morning, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep easily. Yet, you forced a whole cup of green tea into yourself in an attempt to soothe your nerves before sleep. Your alarm was set for noon, and you were supposed to meet at 3 PM.

You woke up feeling energized, but you knew this pattern all too well already – the tiredness would come and hit you with its whole power the day after, and you’d spend Sunday sluggish and drained. But that was okay, because Sunday didn’t matter half as much as Saturday did.

You felt a small urge to dress up; even more, actually, you felt a need to pay attention to details rather than looking fine at the first glance. Some common sense hyped up by years of watching other people and reading stories – a thorough shower, shaving, paying attention to not only what you wore outside, but also your undergarments. You lacked things that could be considered “sexy”, but – let’s face it – you didn’t think it mattered much; not after what you’d found out so far. Yet, it would be a shame if your panties had a hole in them. Wearing something neutral, but fresh was your best bet. Every few minutes, you kept reminding yourself – you don’t even know what will happen, you don’t even know if anything will happen at all. There was no reason to think that he’ll want you to undress in the first place, you said it yourself that you’re not ready for sex.

But then, it still helped you gather confidence that you definitely needed at a moment like that. Details allowed one less thing to worry about, and a better ability to focus on others, and so, you made sure the details were worked out well, and that you didn’t overdress, either; a beige shirt and jeans, all wrapped up with sneakers and another knitted cardigan of yours – neutral and polite, maybe a bit school-ish, but these were the things you mostly wore on daily basis, and you felt that going in the other direction – of tight pants, mini-skirts and see-through shirts – would not be appreciated. Your hair was pulled up into a loose bun, nothing like the ones you admired in YT tutorials, but the best you could do on your own. Maybe it was the age difference that made you feel obliged to show respect rather than expose yourself. You trusted your instinct on that, and so far, nothing happened yet to prove it wrong. The weather was starting to get warmer; these days were particularly sunny and dry, so you felt at ease without an extra jacket. It couldn’t get that bad in the evening, and you put faith in your cardigan.

Baekhyun must have thought similarly.

You stood in the bar’s entry, looking up at him for a moment; he leaned back into his usual couch, not aware of your presence just yet. He was wearing a black button-up and jeans as well, something he still looked pretty well put-together in, but not too formal – similar to your own thought process, noticeably.

You inhaled deeply, and took your time to exhale the air – until you felt ready to walk up to him.

“Hi there” he spoke as you approached his couch; as expected, he was there alone today.

“Hi there” you replied with a slight nod and a smile; your voice was quiet, as quiet as it could be without trembling in anticipation.

“You want to drink something before we go?”

You considered it for a second, and then nodded again. Baekhyun moved a bit to the side, encouraging you to join him on the couch, and you took the offer with gratitude.

“Beer? I don’t want to get you drunk, but we may sit here for a bit just to relax.”

“You can tell I need it?”

“Yes. I can tell. Your shoulders are very tense. May I?”

His hand reached to your shoulder and you nodded slightly, a bit unsure what you agreed to just yet.

He suddenly squeezed your muscle, and you whimpered. He kneaded it, and you found the tension dissolving gradually as he went on. Even with only one hand and unfavorable position, he managed to find some of the spots that required touch; that touch was welcome, slight pain coming along with it was desired for the best outcome. You didn’t notice when Baekhyun must have given the bartender some sort of a sign, but the man soon came with a beer and water that he put on the nearby table. That was when Baekhyun’s movement slowly ceased, cautiously letting go of your shoulders. You felt as if you were in a different body, the tension in your body almost gone, just as the one in your mind – the moments of physical interaction were enough to chase some of your worries away.

“You don’t drink?” You reached towards the table – it was closer to you than to him – and took the two glasses, handing him the water and keeping the beer for yourself.

“Not before,” he explained curtly, which you accepted without further questioning.

“So… what are we gonna do?” you asked carefully, sipping the beer through a metal straw, trying to give off a casual vibe despite focusing deeply on what you were about to hear.

“Depends. On how much will you allow me to do.” Baekhyun focused his gaze on something in the crowd; you felt as though it was his habit to avoid a direct gaze in an attempt to sound collected. “I had the idea of showing you some things. Just so you feel it out a little. It’s not final, but it may help the both of us figure out how we feel about it. Like a free trial, you see my point?” You nodded, but didn’t say anything, so after a moment he continued. “I won’t introduce you to everything, and it won’t last as long as usual sessions, either. I’ll talk to you a bit beforehand so we figure out some basic things. It shouldn’t make you uncomfortable. I won’t be trying anything beyond your comfort zone.”

“So, no deals a’la Fifty shades?” you felt silly the moment these words left your mouth. Baekhyun laughed awkwardly.

“No, it won’t be necessary. If you want to draw a comparison to that, I definitely won’t be dumping the whole scheme on you when you don’t even know what it’s like.”

And you won’t fuck me first thing in the plot, you added in your thoughts.

“There are a few things that I may ask you here, so that we have those out of the way,” he spoke; his tone lowered a little. “I need you to tell me if you have any illnesses or old injures that could influence your physical capacity.”

You thought for a bit; the answer was important, but you couldn’t recall much.

“I don’t think there’s anything important.”

“Is there anything unimportant?” His gaze pierced through you as he caught on your wording.

“Uh… I’m taking pills for my thyroid, but it’s nothing very dramatic” you explained. “Nothing else that I know of.”

Baekhyun nodded slowly.

“Fair. Next question, is there anything you’re particularly scared of? Phobias, or things you’re scared of in general, anything overly triggering that you want to avoid at all costs?” You already revealed some of these during your first conversation. But now you felt more at ease, and you thought you could be more detailed without sounding overwhelming.

“I’m… scared of fire. And hate my hair being pulled. I don’t know, why. I can’t explain it. It’s just…”

“It’s alright. You don’t need to explain yourself to me” Baekhyun looked at you with his eyebrows slightly furrowed. “You sound like it would stress you out to share. You don’t need to be afraid of that. You don’t owe me anything, keep that in mind. It’s not supposed to feel like an obligation.”

“I-I know.”

“I’m scared of heights, by the way.” You stared at him in confusion. “Hm? Just thought it’s fair to share if you did.”

“Oh.”

“Chill out.” He nudged your glass with his hand to urge you to drink some more of the beer you managed to forget about by then. It was halfway through – you didn’t want to leave the glass with some of it still inside, although it managed to make you feel just a bit sick already.

His own drink was at around the same level too, and as you finished yours, he drank the remaining water in one go as well.

You weren’t the best at handling alcohol, and even the small amounts made you a bit weak in the knees. But you felt sober enough as the two of you finally got up; Baekhyun paid for your drinks and you left the bar.

The weather was nice, as expected. Going out into the sunlight again startled you, somehow; you felt as though a lot of time had already passed. But no, it was still the same afternoon.

It was true that Baekhyun lived nearby. His apartment was in a different direction than your place, though, and you estimated it would take around twenty minutes to get from one place to the other. You knew this area, although not too well – there were only some tenement houses, but no stores or academic buildings that could gain your attention or regular presence. It was on the more expensive side, although not a place a well off office worker wouldn’t afford; just maybe not suitable for a student. The tenement houses were old, but well-kept, and you knew that the apartments were way bigger than in a place like yours.

Opening the door for you, Baekhyun invited you into the dark hallway of his apartment. There were no lights, as every wall had doors to other rooms: two to the left, one at the end of the corridor, and two more to the right, perfectly symmetric.

“Kitchen, my office, bathroom, my bedroom, and the living room,” the man told you, starting from the left. One glance into the living room on the right made you realize just how big the rooms were; enormous, in your honest opinion, with the area of something around a classroom at school, but with ceilings that reached far up, almost twice higher than in your own place. Heavy curtains hung from the top of the tall windows like limp branches of a willow tree, giving the most dramatic effect, and – likely – gathering tons of dust throughout their lifetime. Wooden, carved furniture added to the effect, and you, in all your sincerity, would not dare to ask how much such a set cost, although it would be a lie to say that you weren’t curious. Wooden panels on the floor were already worn and grey, giving you a thought that the interiors were kept in this particular shape for long years before Baekhyun began to reside in there.

“That’s huge,” you only uttered. Your eyes rested on a painting in the middle of a wall on the left side of the room, above an eclectic-green, velvet couch, in front of which was a wooden coffee table, and which gave a perfect sight into an old TV on the side of the room, as it was one of the old-styled, small models that would be hard to look at from the distance between one wall and the other. The painting looked old, but you wondered from the distance, whether it was not just printed in good quality, with all the details of lights, people and nature making it look like a piece of national heritage rather than a small private property. It portrayed a battle scene coming to an end, warriors in shining armor stained with blood resting upon trees and a small pond of pinkish water, at either sunset or sunrise – you weren’t sure.

“You like it?” He caught your stare and followed it, giving himself a few seconds to adore the painting as well, as though he hadn’t looked at it enough despite living here.

“It’s too violent,” you decided after a moment. “But it’s nice to look at.”

“It’s not that violent in itself, I think. But it does conjure the thought of it.”

He left the living room with you still in the doorframe, staying to look at the painting just for a few more seconds. When you turned around, he was entering the kitchen – this room also looked old, but less well kept; it was cleaned up perfectly, however the furniture was shabby, with the surfaces often partly rubbed off and grey; this room simply screamed for renovation. But you felt way more at ease with the fact that it looked similar to yours – the one that was over twenty years old when you moved with and you had no way of changing it without getting in trouble with the landlord. And not like you’d want to do it at all, since you’d move out right after your studies anyway. The only difference was that you tried to make your apartment look a bit warmer with colorful lights and other cheap ornaments here and there, while Baekhyun’s kitchen was just left as it was, as though he gave up on it the moment he moved in.

“Hungry?”

“Not much.” You were still full of the freshly consumed beer.

Out of the fridge, Baekhyun took a bag of half-eaten potato chips. You stared at him with your eyebrow raised as he ate a few of these, and then extended the bag towards you, to which you only shook your head and he put the bag back in the fridge. He caught your look.

“Food moths,” he explained. You slowly nodded in understanding. That’d be a useful tip if you ever got those. The summer was slowly coming; soon, your small apartment would also be filled with bugs, and fruit flies, mosquitos, and sciarids because you kept a few plants in (discovering that sciarids and fruit flies were not the same thing was an important step in achieving perfect harmony in your adulthood).

You sat awkwardly by the table, observing him as he reached for the bag he must have left on the counter before he went to pick you up, and took out leftovers – probably from work – putting them back in the fridge.

“You worked today?” you asked.

“Yeah, just an average thing, a strategic meeting with co-workers. My working hours are not regular, so I didn’t really know I was gonna be out today.”

Once he was done, he sat by the table as well, and you leaned a bit forward, resting your chin on top of your hand.

“You could have postponed it with me, you must be tired,” you said.

“Don’t worry, I’d rather have a chance to relax with you.”

That didn’t sound as innocent as he probably tried to make it, and he looked over his shoulder to make sure he didn’t scare you with the choice of words. You only laughed awkwardly.

“Anyway. Since, as I said, I don’t want to intimidate you, I think we’ll stay in the living room since you seemed content with that,” he spoke casually.

“So, no playroom?” you uttered. Baekhyun choked on the chip in his mouth.

“I don’t own such a place. I just usually use the bedroom. Or the bathroom,” he explained.

“Or the office?” you felt bold enough to suggest, giving him a small smirk.

“No, I assure you the office is for what offices usually are.”

You smiled innocently as Baekhyun stared at you, probably trying to mask sudden shyness.

“Either way,” he cleared his throat. “I told you some about what I want to do, but you haven’t told me if there’s anything you’re interested in trying out. I assume you did see some things, so… Is there anything that you’ve been particularly interested in?”

The harmless way in which he phrased the question absolutely didn’t change the fact that he was, basically, asking what kind of porn you watch.

“I uh… I like watching different things, just out of curiosity, but I’m not really sure if there’s anything I like particularly more than other things… I suppose bondage is the biggest basic.” You tried, you really tried to sound neutral, but your voice trembled a little. “But I’m not really sure, to be honest. I’m quite open-minded, I suppose…” You felt silly; how could you not be able to answer the most basic question – what do you like? But Baekhyun seemed to understand that very well, as he only nodded slowly.

“What about, let’s say, pet play?” You blushed slightly. “You know what I’m talking about? I feel like a lot of young women start from there.” It took you a moment to realize that you, too, were a young woman. “Behavioral training. Humiliation. Regression. A bit of pain, if suitable. Trying out a few things to see how you respond. What do you think?”

“I think it may be fun” you said slowly. “Does it have something to do with the…?” you motioned your neck, hoping he’ll get the cue. You remembered the collars the other people wore – they were the main reason you got interested in the first place, after all. Baekhyun smiled, catching on your observation.

“Sometimes, but not necessarily. It’s just a thing I like. Do you?”

“…I may,” you answered carefully.

“Gotcha. We may try it out. You know, everyone is different. The collars are different too. I usually order them after I’m sure the person’s gonna stay, and when I know what type will be the most suitable for them. I can’t do that for you yet, but I have some spare items.”

“Do you have the ones of people who you’re not with anymore?” you asked, out of pure curiosity.

Baekhyun was silent for a moment.

“I do. But I’d rather not use them. They’re there for memory, not for use.”

“Gotcha. I was just curious,” you quickly explained.

“Do you have a safe-word?” Baekhyun’s gaze rested on you.

“…Not really. Never needed one,” you uttered sheepishly.

“You have anything on your mind?”

“Um, the… thing with lights? The red light, yellow and green?” you proposed carefully.

“That’s a good one. Tell me how you understand them.”

“So, the green one means everything’s alright, the yellow is when we need to slow down, and the red stops the scene,” you recited, as if you were reading from a book.

“That’s right. It’s easy to remember, so we can go with that.” You bit on your lips to prevent yourself from getting too excited with the apparent praise; it wasn’t anything big, of course – but you felt as though it was a praise in itself, being acknowledged for saying something right. “Another thing is that I need you to know a few rules, before we start.” You were all ears. “First, I don’t want you to be reluctant for the fun of it. Whether you want to be a brat later or not, today we’re just trying things out and I don’t want to mistake your attitude with actual discomfort, do you understand?” You nodded slowly, memorizing the words and waiting for him to continue. “Second. No pain that I will impose on you will be a matter of punishment, unless I specify so. If you don’t enjoy it, you need to tell me so. It doesn’t mean I’ll stop right away, unless – of course – you use the safe-word. However, I still expect honesty. During, as well as after the scene, when we review it. Do you understand?” The breaks in between the points gave you enough time to acknowledge the information and encode it in your memory. You nodded once again. “And for the last. Do you trust me?”

The tone made you look up at him, finally focusing on his person rather than the words alone.

“I do,” you finally decided; knowing very well what this answer would lead to.

Baekhyun’s eyes sparkled as he smiled at you warmly.

“Well then, shall we start?”

* * *

You stand in the middle of the room, the cardigan and shoes are off, your feet feel cold against the floor despite socks wrapped around them comfortingly.

Don’t move a finger, you’ve been told, and so, you stare at the painting before you, the warrior in the front staring at you back with contempt you haven’t noticed before.

Your breath trembles in anticipation as you try to hear sounds from other rooms – you do hear some shuffling, but nothing that you can figure out for sure. He must be in his bedroom, you think. What is he preparing? Which tools out of many that you’ve seen on the screen of your phone all these nights that, despite spending perfect eight hours in bed, did not end in getting perfect eight hours of sleep?

Your arm itches, but you fight the urge to scratch it; be obedient, he said.

Steps echo in the corridor and you hold your breath. Your head snaps to the side the moment you hear him enter the room again.

“Eyes down,” he commands without sparing you a glance; you haven’t had enough time to see what he brought, but you instantly obey his words. “Don’t look at me unless I allow you to.” His voice is stern, and it makes your stomach clench nervously. But it’s not a bad sensation, not at all – you grow excited. “Down. On your knees.”

You try to comply, but he still scoffs at your apparent sluggishness. You almost fall over as you let your knees bend and you finally kneel down as well as you can, eyes facing down as well, although you feel awkward as you do so.

“On your toes,” Baekhyun commands; something small but hard hits your heels, startling you, and your head whips around to see a wooden pointing stick. You swallow the gasp of surprise at the sight.

You fix your posture, your toes instantly begin to cramp; that’s uncomfortable, and your toes aren’t too flexible, it seems.

“Straighten your back. You’re slouching.”

The task turns out almost impossible to do, the whole weight lands on your toes and you frown in discomfort.

“Is it necessary…?”

“Look at me.” It feels unnatural to do so now, but you oblige, turning your head to the side where he stands. “What’s wrong?”

“My toes hurt,” you admit quietly. Baekhyun watches you for a moment.

“Straighten them. Kneel as you did before.” You bite your lips and nod, uttering a small thank you that you find suitable enough as the position gets a bit more comfortable. “Back. Straighten.”

You automatically snap back into the position. But it does feel a bit silly – like something your teachers would say, don’t slouch! A laughter comes out at the comparison, but you attempt to stifle it.

Apparently, not well enough.

The pointer hits the nape of your neck; not too hard, but the message gets through.

Baekhyun stands in front of you and, most likely, stares you down – you can’t tell; your gaze is fixated on his lacquered shoes. The shoes then move, kicking the middle of your thighs.

“Spread.”

You feel a bit awkward as you oblige this command; you only glance down to make sure your pants aren’t ripped – you never know. To your relief, they’re not. Then you try to glance forward – but, what’s in front of you, makes you more shy than anything, so you just fix your gaze on his knees instead.

“You’re slouching again.”

“Pets often do,” you note before you manage to bite your tongue; you do remember your conversation from before – wasn’t it what he was aiming for? You thought so at first. But the words were not thought through at all; you just felt a need to say something, anything, just like you’d talk back to a teacher when they became too annoying in their remarks.

You hold your breath as Baekhyun crouches down to your level.

You feel his eyes on you, and you unwittingly tremble under his gaze, forcing yourself to look even lower, not daring to break the rule. The seconds seem to last hours as he doesn’t speak a word – and he doesn’t have to. You feel intimidated.

“You want to be a pet?”

He stands up; he’s right in front of you, if you so much as leaned forward a little bit, your forehead would touch his thigh. You slightly crave the touch; but not enough to move, not when you grow petrified. The question is rhetorical. You wait for him to finish the thought.

“Then I’ll treat you like one.”

Without waiting for your reaction, he steps behind you. You hear shuffling in what had to be a box placed behind your back; you see nothing.

But you hear the harsh, recognizable clink of metal and your stomach drops.

* * *

Please, reblog if you enjoyed, it'll help me a bunch!

Author's note: Hello, have you missed me??? I'm sorry it took so long to upload, it's hard to find time among exams I had in June, and now my (first) new job! The next chapter is already being written, so hopefully, won't take that long. Remember to reblog if you liked, and I'll be really happy to hear what you have to say about this so far. Stay safe!

Next (Chapter 4.)

[trashcanfanfics]

May I get a fanfic in Val’s POV where Valentino is in one of the worst moods he’s ever been in since nothing has been going his way correctly and he ends up lashing out in reader?(Im a sucker for angst) 🥲

There were a few more asks that I felt could fit into this so thats what I did! Also, friendly reminder, I write gender neutral! Hope you enjoy!

Valentino was pissed. Nothing was going right. Three actors were maimed, five more killed, and to top it off, Y/n wasn't at work or answering his texts. He had half a mind to march down there and demand why they didn't come to work. He missed them more than anything, really. Val thought that seeing them would definitely would change the whole day. That was before he remembered that he confessed while drunk. He decided to let them be, but he was irritated to say the least. He was losing money, afterall!

He gave up on trying to be the bigger person. Valentino was their boss, fisrt and foremost. He pulled out his phone and pulled up their contact. He'd call them.

The phone rang twice before a groggy "hello" answered. Val's anger raised. They ditched work to sleep in? Absolutely not. It doesn't matter how much he loves them, this was unacceptable.

"Y/n where the FUCK are you?" He was seeing red. Val was also slightly hurt. It seemed like they were avoiding him the last few days. Whenever he tried to talk to them, it seemed something else was in the way. Their breath caught in their throat. Fear. That was fear. They were scared of him. That didn't sit right in his mind and made his anger worsen, but this time, at himself.

"I'm sorry, Boss, I-" there was vicious coughing fit, "-I'm a lil' under the weather." There was more coughing. Guilt bubbled up in his chest. Of course they're sick. They've been looking awful for at least two days now. He can't believe he didn't notice sooner.

"It's alright, it's just been a stressful day today." They hummed back in tired underestanding. "Get some rest, babycakes." He hung up the phone and turned to the closest office person. Val informed them he would be out for the rest of the day and to contact his second in command to take care of whatever else was needed today. With that, he left.

~*~

Y/n's place was that little house Val murdered their stalker in. They appreciated not living in a run down apartment now, but was slightly confused as to how he got the house. He told them not to worry about it and enjoy their new space.

Upon entering the house, he took off his coat and hat, hanging them on the rack by the door. The furniture was replaced with lovely red and black walnut instead of that tacky white and bright makore it was before. He had let Y/n take over with his interior designer and decorators. They certainly had taste, just as he knew they did. The ceilings, he was pleased to notice, were now high enough that he could stand properly.

Val made it to the kitchen and opened up some cabinets, looking for some type of soup he could make for them. That's what people eat when they're sick, right? It's what Vox always made him when he wasn't feeling his best. When they weren't fighting or on a break. He found it weird that he didn't feel empty the way he used to when he broke up with Vox before. Maybe it's because he didn't have anything past platonic feelings for him now? Hm.

He found the soup and then went searching for a pot. The pot he pulled out was...very well used, to put it nicely. Val made a mental note to get them a new pots and pans set. Heating up the soup, he added a few extra seasonings to it to make it less bland. the next thing he found that needed replacing were their dish and silverware. How did they live like this? Their bowls and plates had chips in them, silverware with dents and scratches. Plastic cups from the second hand store? No wonder they got sick! He immediately went online and bought them new dishes.

He grabbed the bowl of soup in his bottom hands while grabbing a chipped mug (more replacements needed) and pouring some juice from the fridge into it. Putting the juice back, he handled both items in both sets of hands. He carefully made his way down the hall to the room.

Inside, he was greeted by Y/n's sleeping form. Their peaceful face made his heart melt. He gently placed the soup and drink down on the nightstand before gently shaking them awake. They snorted and sat up, immediately groaning, then held their head. A headache probably. Their eyes met his and widened.

"Bo-" They started coughing harshly. Val placed a hand on their back, rubbing up and down to help. His lower hands reached for the mug and brought it up to them. They looked at it when their coughing calmed down and then took it, taking a drink.

"How're you feeling, Y/n?" The question took them off guard. Had they expected him to be angry? The thought made the guilt from before rise up again.

"I'm...not the best." They looked down at the mug in their hands, gently rubbing the rim with their thumb. Val rubbed their back some more before grabbing the soup in his upper hands and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I heard soup can help with that." He smiled as he dipped the spoon into the soup. Val offered the filled spoon to them. They stared at it amoment before looking him in the eyes and taking the bite. Val's face erupted with a blush. Why did they have to do it like that? He looked away as his lower hands smoothed out the bedsheets near them. The thumping in his chest reminded him that he had drunkenly confessed just a few days ago and hasn't said anything about it to them since.

"...Val?" His breath hitched wheen he heard them say his name. He looked back at them. "Can I have more?" He just about died again. He quickly dipped the spoon back into the bowl and raised it back to their lips. Their...very soft looking lips. The way they wrapped around the spoon and took the soup with it. He was getting very hot and bothered. Oh no.

"How about I take that cup and you take the bowl, precious. I'll get you more juice." He stood, holding out the bowl with his upper arms while the lower ones reached for the mug. They let out a soft laugh and handed him the cup before grabbing the bowl. Both of their hands touched and Val swore it felt like fire raced across his skin. He squinted, awkwardness forgotten for a moment, and leaned down to place an unoccupied hand on their forehead. They had a fever!

"Uh...Boss?" Their face was red, probably from the fever. He removed his hand and hummed. Val left the room without a word and headed for the kitchen. He opened the fridge and picked up the jug of juice in his upper right hand, twisting the cap off with the upper left. As he was pouring the juice into the cup, he wondered what he wwould do about the confession thing. He capped the juice and put it away.

Back in the hallway right outside the bedroom door, he knew he had to tell them again. But sober this time. He entered the room and walked over to place down the mug. Y/n watched him, the bowl, empty, had been placed on the nightstand.

"Y/n, there's something I'd like to discuss with you." He sat down on the edge of the bed again as they went ridged. There's that fear again. He hated the way his chest hurt at the thought of them being afraid of him. "About a few days ago. When I was drunk." He wasn't looking at them, but heard their sigh as they relaxed. The ache in his chest eased a bit when he saw that from the corner of his eye.

"Yes...That." Their reply almost made the moth laugh. They felt just as awkward as he did over this. That made this easier somewhat.

"Yes, well, I meant what I said." He took a breath. "I love you, and that's the reason that Vox and I aren't together anymore. He called me out on my infatuation with you a while ago but I said it was just a passing thing and that I wanted to make things work between him an' me."

"So...You two are back together now, I'm confused by the continuity, here." Y/n's voice was hoarse. They cleared their throat as Val reached over to hand them their mug. They thanked him and took a swig.

"No. This time it's for good because I want to pursue you." He grabbed one of his antenae and scratched where the base and his head meet. A tic he'd picked up from Y/n. Though, they have hair that they run their fingers through instead. "I would like to become your lover." He finally met their eyes. They were staring blankly at him. His heart sank to the bottom of his stomach. They didn't feel the same.

"...You do know how...inappropriate this is right?" They ran their hand through their hair, undoing knots as they came across them. Val itched to help them with that. Even when their hair looks like a rat's nest, he imagined it'd feel soft. "If we were to be together, how would that look? I'm your employee, a porn actor. everyone'll see this as you taking advantage of me. How would that be for your reputation?"

"To hell with my reputation! I couldn't give less of a fuck. All I want is you! If it makes you feel better, I'll fire you, I'll make you co owner of the studios! Anything to have you beside me and share your existance with me."

"Boss-"

"To allow me to kiss you! To let me hold you! To let me wake up to you every morning and fall asleep with you every night!" He was waving all four hands and his lower ones reached out to hold them by the upper arms.

"Boss!" He didn't hear them, too caught up in his feelings.

"To share meals and experiences! To live with you and laugh with you!"

"Valentino!" This snapped him out of it. His upper hands were now gently holding their face. He enjoyed the warmth and how close they were. They let out a breath. "Calm down, I still have a headache." He immediately let go of them and scooted as far as he could from them.

"I-I'm sorry, precious, I don't know what came over me." He looked down at all four of his hands folded on his lap. They sighed and reached over to hold the bundle of hands.

"I do. You've got it bad." They huffed out in amusement, but their attempt at a joke made his heart sink further. "But, uh, I kinda got it bad too." These words made him whip his head back up to look at them.

"What...?" He could have slapped himself if he wasn't so focused on the next words to come out of their mouth.

"I love you, too, Valentino. I would love to be your partner." Those words made him grab them into his embrace and snuggle his head into the crook of their neck.

"That's wonderful, precious! I'll make you so happy, I promise!" He squeezed them tighter. They wheezed slightly.

"That's great and all, but," they wheezed again, "I'm still sick." Oops. He let go and stood up to take care of them thoughout the rest of their sickness.

The word after may have changed, but they wwill always be his favorite.

[alexlwrites]

Liability

Summary: The one where your best friend of years and love of your life is getting married and wants you to be the maid of honor. Luckily for you, the best man is not exactly happy either.

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader, Jungkook x Reader

Tags: Romance, Humor, Fluff, Angst

A/n: had to repost cause someone said they couldn't find the last post for some reason.

Part 4: All I can be is sorry

(Fanfic masterlist)

(support me on my ko-fi <3 )

(<<<Part three)

“What are you doing here?” was the first thing you said and despite the many hours your friend had spent there and his spare key, the words still sounded like an accusation.

Jungkook was silent under you, holding still like he was trying to disappear, but Taehyung noticed him. “What are you doing here?” he said, voice far from welcoming.

The younger boy walked in, stepping into your living room and placing you gently on the couch “Ran into Y/N” he answered quietly “she hurt her ankle and I helped her, that’s all.”

“I didn’t know you were close.”

Jungkook waited for you to deny it, but instead you repeated your first question “What are you doing here?”

“You said you needed to talk” Taehyung answered, voice confused as if it was obvious.

“Yeah, hours ago!” you could feel the flames of anger rising within you, filled by years of frustration and the worst few weeks of your life “You can’t just show up here out of nowhere this late.”

“What are you talking about?” Taehyung sounded more and more confused, voice rising just like yours “We used to show up like this all the time”

“Not anymore! I’m not gonna show up unnanounced at your fucking house and go ‘boo’ at your fiance, so you shouldn’t do the same here!”

There was a moment of pause, a stretch of silence as Taehyung took in what you said and for a second you thought you saw a light recognition in his eyes, but Jungkook distracted you before you could look into it “I should go. I hope you feel better soon, Y/N” he turned to you and something in face made you believe he was talking about something beyond your injure.

“Thank you so much for your help, Jungkook” you smiled at him, trying to ignore Taehyung’s burning look “I’d walk you to the door, but…”

He grinned slightly and waved you away “I got it, don’t worry” when the door closed behind him, you realized neither Jungkook nor Taehyung had said goodbye to each other.

You turned your look back to your friend, noticing how for the first time how out of place he looked in your home, in your line of sight.

“Where is all your stuff?” he asked again in a quieter, more polite manner.

This was it, you thought, but the answers left your mouth much more easily than you initially believed they would “I’m moving.”

Taehyung nodded, having probably already deduced that. “Getting a bigger place?” he guessed, walking around the room trying to look casual “Is this what you wanted to talk about?”

You watched him, his steps and shifting eyes, overthinking his movements as he gave you nothing but a blank face “Bigger country.”

That made him turn and you felt panic bubble inside you, clawing the walls of your body and begging to leave whatever way it could, in screams, tears or digging nails into skin. That was the confrontation you avoided until it loomed over you like a guillotine.

“What do you mean?” he sounded strained, like he was holding back, fighting against the same panic you did, slightly closer to winning than you.

“I got a promotion. A really great offer to relocate to their English branch.” show no weakness, you told yourself, you are not asking for permission.

Taehyung did not like that.

“And what?” he threw his hands in the air, like your answer wasn’t nearly enough to satisfy him “You’re just gonna leave everything behind, just like that? What about your family?”

“My parents know and they’ve already made plans to visit. They are very excited. This is huge for me, Taehyung.”

“What about your friends?”

You scoffed “Who, Yoongi? He was the one who told me to take the job…”

“What about me, Y/N?”

Weeks ago you would have a five thousand word answer to that question. Weeks ago you asked that question before every choice you made. Weeks ago you loved him much more than you did yourself.

But now you just loved him so much it hurt and loving yourself wasn’t nearly as painful.

“You don’t need me here.”

He shook his head angrily “You can’t seriously believe that’s true.”

You shrugged, but that wasn’t enough for him again “Is this about Haewon? About the wedding?”

Back was the panic and it begged you to let it react, to take control over your body so it could pump adrenaline into it and force you to ignore any physical or emotional pain and run away. “What do you mean?” you asked, voice sounding so quiet under the thunderous beat of your heart.

Taehyung turned his back to you, hunched like he was hiding something “Nothing, never mind.”

But you knew better. Something in you was attuned to him, something that grew over the years, trained to pick apart and recognize lies, half-truths and omissions, like when he said a scratch didn’t hurt as kids or when he told you he loved you as adults.

That something brought you to the epiphany you spent years avoiding. “You know.” you said.

He didn’t move, still hunched in silence, and that was enough of an answer. “You know” you repeated, but now it sounded like an accusation just like the first words you directed at him that night, like you were placing blame “Oh my God, you know.”

He finally looked at you, all worried eyes and twisted fingers picking at each other and you wished you could have done something to make him feel better but you could barely breathe just like you could barely stand up, limbs and heart on fire.

“Y/N…” he started, but you didn’t let him finish. You had flames in the back of your throat forcing out all the words stuck there, pushing the questions you held back for so long they became part of the fabric of you.

“How long have you know?” you asked and he flinched at every word, but this time you didn’t stop them from coming “Why the fuck didn’t you say anything?”

Nothing in his guilty expression made you feel sorry for him, not his teary eyes, not his next words “I didn’t want to lose you.”

“You really think I would leave?” you asked and God, you wish you could stand up, wish you could push him back “You really think so little of me that you think I’d just throw our friendship in the garbage if you rejected?”

Taehyung winced as you got louder, shrinking until he looked much smaller than usual “I though things would become too awkward between the two of us.”

“Taehyung did you really think I expected anything but rejection?” tears were leaving you as your frustration rose “Did you really think years of you parading girlfriends in front of me gave me hope? Lead me on? How much of an idiot do you think I am?”

He shook his head, getting close to you and kneeling on the floor by your legs, faces leveled with each other “I just could never bring myself to let you down. I t-tried, you know, seeing you that way, but…”

“Please, stop talking!” you placed your hands on your ears and shut your eyes, hoping you could hide your humiliation “I don’t want to hear all the ways you tried to force yourself to love me!”

He took your hand between his, forcing your arms down “I do love you!”

“No, you don’t! Cause if you did, you would’ve said something! You wouldn’t have let me suffer in silence, you would’ve talked to me and allowed me to move the fuck on from you.”

“I’m sorry.” he sighed and although his apologies sounded sincere they meant nothing for you “I was selfish and I didn’t want you to move on from me. I still don’t want you to move away from me. I feel so-”

"No, you don't get to be sorry, you don't get to be sad or to be hurt, you don't get anything cause you got me for years.” you took your hands away, ignoring how he taken back he looked at yout outburst “For years you got me by your side watching you fall in love with different people; got me by your side at parties just for you to leave with someone else; got me by your side as your fucking bride got to choose her wedding dress and i got nothing. I didn't get to feel a thing, didn’t get to feel sorry for myself because I didn't feel like I had the right to keep you by my side. You don't get to feel shit now." the last part came out as a whisper as the energy left your body and left you empty.

You both sat in silence for a while as neither dared to say anything after that. You shut your eyes to avoid looking into his and feeling any sympathy.

Finally, you heard him stand up “Maybe I should leave” he said and he sounded almost as bad as you felt.

“No, not maybe. You should leave.”

You heard his steps as he walked, counting silently in your head to see how many it would take for him to walk out of your life.

He stopped halfway.

“You don’t have to come to the wedding.”

You scoffed “I know I don’t.”

“But I’d really love it if you did.”

“Well, you know what, for the first time I don’t really care about what you’d love, Taehyung.”

---

Jungkook sat in his car for a long time after he left you, flexing and relaxing his hand like he always did when he was nervous or stressed. From his window he could see the entrance to your building and he watched for a while, curious to see how long it would take for Taehyung to leave. When he didn’t, Jungkook drove away.

As the lights and cars passed by, he wondered if he should’ve stayed longer. If he should’ve stayed there until his hyung left, his presence sparing you of any fights or arguments.

Jungkook thought you deserved a little peace.

He remembered a time where you didn’t look so fragile and exhausted. He stored away those memories like a precious little thing, all those stolen looks he got from across Haewon’s living room kept like a treasure, because he didn’t know when he would get to see you like that again.

Jealousy and resentment settled inside of him as he drove, thinking of Taehyung’s interaction with you. What would it be like, he thought, to be so secure of his place in your life that he could just walk into your apartment and make himself at home?

Jungkook still felt like it was a bit audacious for him to show up like that and he couldn’t deny how happy he felt when it looked like you felt that too.

When he got home, Jungkook allowed himself to lie on his bed, taking in the smell of your perfume that had rubbed off on his shirt. He allowed himself to relive his night with you, happy to have a few memories to save, finally some that were his own and not borrowed glimpses. He counted on his fingers the time you laughed and said his name, the moments he had to avoid blushing like a high schooler in love.

And then he stowed them all away and reminded himself of your empty apartment and way too full heart and how your life had no place for him at the moment.

[5uptic]

crewfu fanfic spotlight :)

Smores by Chione_chan (5up & Steve, general rating, gen | 273 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve roast their fans as they roast marshmallows.

arms wrapped tight by spaded_ace (Apollo/Steve, general rating, m/m | 283 words)

Summary: Another short drabble about the cuddling

guitars that gently weep or something like that by 5280ft (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 469 words)

Summary: He wonders what feeling would be like physically. Feeling someone. In specific instances. In circumstances that he can’t generalize, or compartmentalize, or ignore and wait to go away: Apollo wants to feel so badly his hands ache.

5:39 by spaded_ace (Apollo & Steve, general rating, gen | 674 words)

Summary: Musing when you can't sleep, lethargy in the morning

grab hold the darkness we become by headlessline (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 675 words)

Summary: “Are monsters born or created?” Steve, 5up, and vampires.

defining moments by meowcode (5up/Sleepy, Janet/Kimi, teen rating, multi | 704 words, chaptered words)

Summary: working title: heather attempts to write regularly for once in his miserable fucking life

Tantalus by farmersagainstweed (Apollo/Steve, explicit, m/m | 755 words)

Summary: This was, arguably, worse than before. Before tonight he had thought Steve was straight, unobtainable. He hadn't even let him want. But now? Like Tantalus doomed to an eternity with food just out of reach, he could now see all he could ever want. It was so painfully close, he could just feel it on the tips of his fingers. Pinning Apollo gets a night he could only dream of, but it won't last forever.

Cold sheets and menthol by some_spooky_shit_right_there (Apollo/Steve, explicit, m/m | 851 words)

Summary: The sensation is like a brain freeze. It's one which Steve savors. Sometime after the events of things like me and things like you shouldn't mix Steve and Apollo enjoy some alone time.

There's nothing simple when it comes to you and I by BloodSplatter (Apollo/Steve, unrated, m/m | 876 words)

Summary: Steve thinks of how he and Apollo can have something between them, but it doesn't go further than that.

Would like you, to be someone else. by Nifki (Apollo/Steve, general rating, multi | 929 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Apollo goes to a Summer camp and dislikes Steve while the readers decide what they'll do.

Love Will Tear Us Apart by AllianettemiE5 (Apollo/Steve, unrated, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: He always has been told not to fall in love with anyone who won’t love you back. That statement also included not giving his heart to his best friend.

Breakeven by Chione_chan (5up/Fundy, teen rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: “I think it’s better that we, ya know, move on, see other people…” Fundy says. "I gave you everything and you’re just leaving," 5up wants to say. He also feels the profanities buzzing at the tip of his tongue. It was only recently that he’s felt comfortable cussing freely, less concerned about how others perceived him. He wants to hurl obscenities at Fundy but he knows that he’s better than that. Fundy never did deal well with people yelling at him. It made him easy to manipulate, but not in the way 5up would like. Besides, it’d only make him miserable later knowing that he let his mask slip so far.

what if earth just got tired of spinning? by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: apollo and steve in love at the end of the world

taught you the ropes; taught you to love by homeward_bound (5up/David/Hafu, teen rating, multi | 1k words)

Summary: [5:05am: hafu wakes up and opens twitter, and after.]

oil and water by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Apollo is a puppet on strings, pulled along by a heart that no longer beats.

Apollo's Letter by AllianettemiE5 (Apollo/Steve, mature, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: A letter you found in the hollow of the wall in the cell of Larkhill.

Élet by Nnoitra (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Steve knows his Soulmate is aware of who he is, the neat first words scrawl is proof enough to him. But who?

Inside Your Head by BoxesWrites (Apollo/Steve, mature, m/m | 1k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: When Apollo meets Steve in Vegas, something changes. Maybe a lot changes. But the weirdest thing seems to be that Apollo can hear Steve speaking when his mouth isn't moving.

sunrise symphony by sweetlikesugr (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: As the first rays of the morning sunshine spill into Steve's bedroom, a memory of a melody fills Apollo's mind.

here's the earliest star by headlessline (5up/David/Hafu, teen rating, multi | 1.2k words)

Summary: And, really… 5up can’t help the way he flops into David’s embrace the second they are close enough to touch. He can’t help the way he buries his face in David’s soft flannel, and he definitely can’t help the deep breath he takes in of floral, woody jasmine. “Hi,” 5up whispers.

Home with you my love~ by RK16 (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: 5up stresses and Steve calms his worries

we belong in the quietest quiet by headlessline (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.3k words)

Summary: Steve looks at 5up’s back, his burgundy sweater and whorls of dark hair, and imagines standing up and slow-dancing with him to the hum of Chanel. He wants to slow-dance--to step on toes and awkwardly hover his hand above 5up’s flank--and he wants to touch noses in a platonic kiss, and he wants to lay his head on 5up’s chest, and he wants to stay here forever and make loaf after loaf of cinnamon banana bread, and he wants.

we will grow old as friends (time and hearts will wear us thin by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.3k words)

Summary: It’s stupid, Apollo knows it’s stupid as he stares across the hotel room, a whole universe between his and Steve’s beds, and watches the rise and fall of Steve’s chest. Steve is fast asleep, softly snoring in the middle of his bed. His limbs are a mess, thrown everywhere, and his mouth is wide open, drooling all over his pillow.

easy to seduce by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.3k words)

Summary: Where Steve tries to understand his feelings and the universe doesn't let him take a break.

i could do about anything by neptoons (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.4k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: a fic about jealousy, uncertainty, and a little courage — where apollo falls for his best friend, and keeps on falling.

Highschool by Paige_crewfu (unrated, gen | 1.6k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: A collection of Crewfu Oneshots in a highschool AU

The Ghosts of What We Could’ve Had by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, mature, m/m | 1.7k words)

Summary: It’d been months. Months since Apollo had gotten up the courage to send that first DM. Months since he woke up to a text from his best friend every morning, though it was more recent that he’d started sending them first. Months since he’d given Steve a compliment for the first time, months since he made Steve have a laugh attack for the first time, months since he began to have a reason to live again.

housewarming by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.8k words)

Summary: The thought makes his chest warm, the urge to touch hold feel rearing up, and Steve isn’t one to deny his instincts. He’s a wild animal of a man, he is. He ignores 5up repeatedly asking to be handed cheese in favor of suddenly grabbing him from behind, snaking his arms tightly around his waist and burying his head in 5up’s mess of curls. 5up startles, settles, and then laughs. “What are you doing?”

you would do that for me? by neptoons (Apollo/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.8k words)

Summary: apollo expresses his love for steve in silly little ways.

gingerbread houses and candy hearts by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: “No Steve, we don’t fucking put that in first, why the fuck would you do that-” “Shut up! I know how to fucking bake. Just let me do this, and you can do everything else!” “You said that last time, you moron. You’re decorating, I’m making the gingerbread house, you dumbass!” “But Apollo-” “This is why you can’t work with other people. Let me do something, for fuck’s sake.” “But it would taste better if you did it like I did-” “Nope. Not talking to you. Either you can sit and watch me make the house, or you can actually help out without trying to change everything.” Steve slumped, clearly done with arguing. “Whatever. It’s not my fault if it tastes like shit.”

Knight in Pink Armor by Chione_chan (5up/Fundy, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: Fundy gets stood up. Luckily, there’s a cute leafling to rescue his evening. Kinda.

cafés and clichés by waywiser (5up/Fundy, teen rating, m/m | 2k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Fundy scoffs. Surely, this guy with the stupid fuzzy sweater and piercing eyes has come in here specifically to irritate him. He hasn’t even ordered coffee for heaven’s sake. Tea! He wants fucking tea, even though it’s almost one o’clock in the morning.

whole world in his hands by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words)

Summary: “Hey Apollo, I think the worst thing about America is that they allow racists to live. How about you?” Apollo grinded his teeth together, glaring at Steve. “And how, Steve, does this relate to America’s shit economical status? The thing we’re supposed to make a presentation on?” Steve gave Apollo an awfully pretty grin, leaning onto the desk. “Dunno. I’m sure you can work something out. I just think the fact that racists exist is worse than America’s economic status.”

little mysteries by neptoons (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words)

Summary: apollo has a secret, and steve won’t rest until he finds out what it is.

Free Bird by AllianettemiE5 (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Apollo found himself in need of a new place to live. The opportunity to leave Texas was in front of him, and he chose to follow it. Or, how Apollo discovered his feelings, defined himself, and freed his life from people it was pressured by.

what you fantasize about by homeward_bound (Apollo/Steve, explicit, m/m | 2.1k words)

Summary: [steve has a wet dream about apollo, gets the ride of his life, is sort of jebaited, and realizes he has a humiliation kink, in that order.]

Wolfboy by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.2k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Apollo upgrades to an e-boy by acquiring wolf ears.

picturing me and you (together) by liquorleftovers (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.7k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Steve wakes up incredibly hungover after Hafu's birthday party and finds a picture on his phone of him and Dumbdog kissing. He is left very confused, about a lot of things.

Heat waves by BloodSplatter (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.1k words)

Summary: Apollo doesn’t feel well. So he decided to take a week or few off streaming and focus on himself. Week turns into a month, and he doesn't even notice how time flies. Getting out of the burnout is the hardest part, but he's sure that it's possible. Especially when he finds out that his friends were worried about him.

At the end of the world with you by RK16 (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 3.2k words)

Summary: 5up finds himself in the middle of a apocalypse then proceeds to find and promptly lose his family.

Inner Workings of Life by amethystvxidwalker (5up/Poki, Apollo/Steve, teen rating, multi | 3.4k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Tales and drabbles of friends and more <3

trusting fears by 5fu (Hafu & 5up, general rating, gen | 3.6k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: If you asked Hafu, soulmates were worthless. It was something she learned early on, as soon as she had gotten the words on her left arm. Words that have haunted her for years. But that didn't matter. She had no need for any of those silly notions of being "complete." What she needed was to get on with her job aboard the Morn as Second in Command. She was set to, along with her Captain and the rest of the crew, welcome the people of the Fable. They claim to have important information urgently needing to be shared but something's off about them. Hafu just couldn't put her finger on it. Especially their Second, an arrogant pink man. Something feels... wrong.

like a wolf howling at the moon by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, explicit, m/m | 3.6k words, chaptered)

Summary: steve comes to the conclusion that apollo is in love with him. and so, steve decides to do what he does best: completely fuck with apollo's peace of mind. but apollo knows how to play games, and most importantly, he knows how to win them.

Sometimes it is like that by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, explicit, m/m | 3.7k works, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Just another party at Hafu's and just another night together in their hotel room. But today Dumbdog was especially flirty while drunk. But why should Steve complain.

the lull of your lips by sweetlikesugr (Apollo/Steve, explicit, m/m | 3.7k words)

Summary: “Welcome to Sugar Pine Hotline, where you can find everything your body craves, and then some more. All you’ve got to do is not be afraid to ask, lover boy.” “Uh, is the guy with the extremely soothing voice working tonight?” “I’m sorry sir, you’re going to have to be a bit more specific.” “Ehm, I believe he said he goes by a Rat Boy sometimes? Is that helpful?” “Redirecting you now…”

we lay here for years or for hours (so long we become the flowers) by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.7k words)

Summary: Steve's words fall from his lips in the form of petals, waiting for him to whisper I love you to the person that holds his heart. Apollo is trapped in a magic slumber and Steve's words would only fall on deaf ears.

Blood and Dogwood Flowers by DeadlyHuggles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.8k words)

Summary: Steve laughed softly at Dumbdog's antics, but the laughter swiftly turned into something much worse. That ever present scratch in his throat grew as he began to cough. He couldn’t stop coughing. His throat hurt so badly, like thorns were digging into them. He felt like something sharp was trying to climb up his throat. He hacked and hacked until at last he hacked up the thing in his mouth into his hands. And then everything stopped. The scratch in his throat was still there, but it was much less severe, merely a tickle than an actual scratch now, and delicately in his palms sat a four petaled, light pink flower with a light green center. Steve felt a bolt of horror go through him as he stared down at the innocent little flower. Hanahaki was a decently rare disease, but often cases of hanahaki were broadcasted and romanticized. There were very few people alive who didn’t know what coughing up flowers meant.

I'll surround you (make you feel sure) by LovelyDayForIt (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 4.4k words)

Summary: The events preceding, during, and subsequent to the Vegas meetup. Follow Steve and Dumbdog through a tale of adoration, panic. Secrets only lead to more secrets, and they can eat up a person inside and out.

My Kinda Love by rosesinwinter (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 5.8k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: 5up as the shy bartender with a pretty voice. Steve as the sarcastic and oblivious runner-from-his-past. Hafu as the meddling best friend. The rest is history.

out of nothing, into more (see the day) by 5280ft (5up/Apollo/Steve, teen rating, multi | 5.8k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: dive out of nothing and into more but i can’t quite tell what i’m hoping for somehow, maybe now, i’ll find the words to say: never thought i’d see the day see the day, the altogether

soften the light that hurts my eyes by homeward_bound (5up/David/Hafu, mature, multi | 8.8k words)

Summary: [hafu has a rough day, 5up has a rough night, david holds them together, and the morning sun casts a gentle warmth over all of them.]

cupid's compendium of extraordinary words by Qupid (5up/Ellum, 5up/Sleepy, 5up/Steve, Apollo/Gumi, Apollo/Steve, Br00d/DK, Koji/Steve, teen rating, multi | 9k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: a series of brief accounts of the word of the day in the only way I know how to express it

lexicon of a simple worm by thebetterwormy (5up/Apollo, 5up/Ellum, 5up/Fundy, Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 10.3k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: a series of little fics based on the word of the day :)

I haven't told you anything yet by some_spooky_shit_right_there (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 11.6k words, chaptered)

Summary: Apollo has always been a great pilot. He never felt more at home than when within the cockpit of his Jaeger. But now, he's been stationed at the Houston base, tiny and empty. His Jaeger comes with him but he doesn't have a copilot anymore. If he's being honest with himself, he isn't really a pilot anymore either.

anthology by sweetlikesugr (5up/Ellum, 5up/Sleepy, 5up/Steve, Apollo/Steve, Koji/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 12k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: anthology [ an-thol-uh-jee ] noun, plural an·thol·o·gies. a collection of selected writings by one author.~ or lav attempts to write a short ficlet based around the word of the day, hopefully every day.

Under the Rose by Hinician (5up/Fundy, unrated, m/m | 14.4k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: 5up, a plant-hybrid witch, encounters an injured Dreamon Hunter lying in his woods. After rehabilitating the Hunter and convincing him that he’s not a Dreamon, 5up thought he’d never see the fox man again. This is in fact not the case.

we should just kiss like real people do by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, mature, m/m | 14.6k words, chaptered)

Summary: Apollo spends his nights walking other people's dreams, but then he moves to LA to live with his good old pal Steve. Suddenly, he is walking Steve's dreams every night, a tourist of his subconscious, and Apollo can't decide if it's the best or the worst thing to ever happen.

The Kind That's Never Done by some_spooky_shit_right_there (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 15k words, chaptered)

Summary: Apollo is fucked. In general, Apollo doesn't really believe in love the way most people talk about it. To Apollo, love isn't some big thing, there's no grand romance that the universe has destined, that's just not how it works. What love is, is having someone that you're happy to be around. When the good parts about someone outweigh the bad parts, when you're content to be around them, that's what love is. And Apollo has lost count of all the good things about Steven Suptic.

loving you is so easy (and I never want to stop) by thebetterwormy (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 17.3k words, chaptered)

Summary: “I didn’t know we had a third roommate,” Steve says, turning the stuffed animal to face him. “Does this mean we can split rent three ways?” (Apollo brings his childhood stuffed dog to his new apartment with Steve. It causes a few... changes.)

Things Like Me And Things Like You Shouldn't Mix by some_spooky_shit_right_there (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, multi | 62.3k words, chaptered)

Summary: Steve startles, just slightly, when he sees the man in his kitchen. And, it's not like Steve checked out the place before signing the lease, because it was cheap and he needed somewhere to stay, so he didn't know if he would have any roommates, but if it's just one, he can deal with it. The guy's about Steve's age, and just as tall, too. Maybe even a touch taller then Steve, but who's keeping track. He looks perfectly normal, which is honestly the most startling thing. His skin is unblemished, and his clothes, while definitely a bit old fashioned, are spotless. His slightly reddish hair is a touch unkempt, but overall he looks like a perfectly normal dude. He doesn't look up when Steve walks in, and he suspects that the guy hasn't even registered that he's there. He's just sitting in one of these creaky old wooden chairs that came with the place. He's looking across the built in table, (and Steve takes a moment to admire it, because he's always found built-ins to add so much character to a house) and he stares blankly at a spot on the opposite wall. Steve decides he should probably just get this out of the way, and moves to address the ghost that's sitting in his new kitchen.

Also!!

spaded_ace’s sex and vienna collection.

5280ft’s modern metamorphoses: a greek collection and world's worst roommates and co. collection.

Nnoitra’s What happened In Vegas collection.

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s)], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k], [added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji… you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed.

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

[toomuchsmoshbrainrot]

Stupid little fanfic game

So I've been writing Smosh fanfic. My two published ones are my attempts at being more descriptive, but I'm working on another one (for Whumptober, started STUPID early because i Do Not Trust Myself to Finish Things).

That one is super dialogue heavy, and I feel like most of my ideas come from one little dumb line of dialogue, that I then build around.

So I thought it might be a fun dumb lil game for me to post some of my favorite ones I've written, and see if people can figure out who's saying them/if the lines have personality.

___

THE LINES

"Well, if you boys are done, I'm going back inside. I'm not missing out on my entire lunch to babysit you psychos."

"You do realize, when I said I loved you to death, you weren't supposed to take it as a challenge, right?"/"Do I look dead to you? I lived, bitch."

"Hey, for an asshole, at least he's kinda weak..."

"While I'm sure there's a weird corner of the internet that would be into watching that, we'd never do that to you."

"See? This is what I'm talking about... stubborn idiot."/"OUR stubborn idiot."

"Nobody watching will ever even know what happened, you can make up as wild a story as you want."/"Bears?"/"The animal or the gay kind?"

"I'm not leaving you. Not in this state. You're a wreck."/"...Literally when am I NOT a wreck?"

"Maybe if you wrote legibly, you could keep your secret. This looks nothing like any of the words you just said."/"That's on y'all for not being able to read."/"...Wait. Aren't you literally a lefty?"/"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Just needed to step out for some air."/"Like... 'the guys are smothering me with their energy' air, or actual air you need to breathe?"

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I believe I am sufficiently stressed enough to have a good cry in the bathroom."/"Oh my God, it was a JOKE."

"I think I'm in a toxic relationship with your ramen."

"Closed-toed shoes while we're working, please."/"I'm giving you feet content for free right now."/"She has a point. There are literally power tools everywhere, and you're walking around in fucking Birkenstocks."

[arkainea1911]

So I was reading an original works fic and one of the characters mentioned how talking about things helps and...I guess I feel compelled to vent...

I'm constantly sick and worried about everything from paying the bills (that i never seem to have enough money for) , to figure out how to afford my loans and credit cards, to stressing about my job, to trying to get a new house cause the current one needs work badly. Not to mention the back taxes on the house we didn't know about and everything else that came up when his mom passed away.

I can't seem to talk to anyone about it. I can't talk to hime about it and my only coping mechanism is to dive into my fanfics push out thw world ans that not the best thing for me.

I'm just so tired of constantly having to talk myself out of having a fucking panic attack all the damn time. And there is no one I can feel like I can talk to about any of it. like this is my problem and no one would either care or really understand how I feel.

I just want to be able to afford a goddamn decent house and my bills! I want to be able to not wake up in the morning and immediately have to dive into my phone because ill start thinking too much about every damn thing! I want to be able to go to sleep at night instead of staying up late because that is the only time I feel I have control of my life! I want space so that my dogs can actually run around instead of being coupled up under me all the damn time!! I just...I just...

I'm just so tired and I feel so alone in this!! I just want to be free to actually live my life and not just work, sleep, rinse; and repeat. I feel trapped by my life and I don know how to break free.

I just...needed to get this off my chest...I don't really feel that much better but at least it's not inside me anymore. so I guess that's a plus