#i know that i'm on a writing hiatus

[clarionglass]

here we go :) part one of three, updates to be released weekly!

---

sam says 4 (game master cinematic universe, part 3)

Ruby was at her mum's for a family dinner she couldn't miss on pain of death, apparently, and the Doctor was many things, but a family dinner kind of guy wasn't one of them—particularly when Carla had already slapped him once in the short time he'd known her. He thought he'd broken his streak of bad luck with mums, but… well, seemingly not. So he was companionless for a few hours, and while he could wait for her to get back, maybe catch up on his reading—what was the point of waiting when you had a time machine? 

He ran his hands over the TARDIS console, marvelling at her clean lines and metallic flourishes, the way that even now she felt brand new but familiar, and paused. He’d just pop off for a quick adventure, nothing too dangerous, but—where to go?

He could scan for a distress call nearby, and pitch in to help. He could drop in on Donna and Shaun and Rose, beautiful Rose, and see how they were all doing. Or he could just hit the randomiser button, and jump in feet first wherever he ended up.

He remembered a conversation from a long time ago, when he wore a different face, and his gorgeous TARDIS wore a face too, for the first and only time.

“You didn't always take me where I wanted to go.”

“No, but I always took you where you needed to go.”

He grinned. Who could resist an offer like that? He pressed the button and whooped as the time rotor spun into action, ready to see where the universe would take him.

---

Apparently, he was needed pretty close to where he already was. Earth, 2024. Huh. Same planet, same time—within a few months of where he’d left Ruby, even. The main thing that had changed was the location: he was now in the good old US of A. California, to be more specific, and Los Angeles to be more specific still. And to really narrow it down, the Doctor discovered as he poked his head out of the TARDIS doors, he was in… a broom closet. Not bad, as a parking spot—a bit squeezy, but out of the way. And as he poked his head out of that door, he could finally see he was in the backstage corridors of a studio of some kind. Film or TV, if he was to hazard a guess, it was a different vibe from Abbey Road.

With a shrug, he decided to go exploring.

It couldn’t have been more than a minute before a young woman wearing the full-black outfit, headset, and permanently stressed expression of a production assistant came running up to him.

“Are you the fill-in Sam organised?” she asked breathlessly, and honestly, seeing the look on her face, the Doctor didn’t have the heart(s) to tell her no. And really, what was the Doctor, if not a professional fill-in? This, this was why he had a randomiser button on the control panel, because whatever he was about to get himself into was going to be fun.

“Sure!”

“Oh, thank god,” sighed the production assistant, relief dawning across her face. “When Ally tested positive this morning, I thought we were sunk for the record, because we called around and we couldn’t get a hold of anyone. But then Sam said he could get someone in, and, you know, here you are, and just in time, so—ah, yeah, if you could follow me this way?”

Smiling all the way, the Doctor followed his guide through to hair and makeup, looking around as they went. The studio seemed to belong to a company called Dropout, according to the branding scattered around, and things seemed, at least on the surface, to be… well. Fine. He couldn't tell why he'd been brought here yet, which meant that when he found the reason, it was going to be particularly tangled. He couldn't wait! 

And then he looked back at his guide, still engulfed in a miasma of anxiety, and realised he'd been too busy looking for clues to notice the person right in front of him. 

“Hey, it's cool, you've found me,” he started with a gentle smile. “You can relax. Hi, I'm the Doctor. What's your name?”

“Oh!” she said, startled. “The Doctor, yeah, of course. Um, hi, I'm Kaylin. Look, sorry, it's just that I've been so busy this morning, I'm so distracted… Shit, and I would've completely forgotten to get your details too. There's paperwork to fill in, but you can do that later. Um, just for now, though, can I get your pronouns?”

The Doctor thought for a moment. “He/him, for now.”

Kaylin nodded, making a note on her phone. “Okay, cool! And do you have any socials?”

“Not me, babes,” he replied. “I'm hardly sitting down long enough to be able to update, you know?”

“On a day like this, I know exactly what you mean,” she said. “That's okay, Lou didn't have socials either for the longest time. Right, so if you go through there, the team will get you sorted, and once you're done, someone will take you up to the greenroom. All good?”

“All great,” the Doctor replied. Kaylin flashed him a quick, relieved smile, then hurried off.

Hair and makeup was a fairly quick process, the sound mixer fitted him with a microphone, and before too long, Kaylin was back to take him upstairs. 

“This is the greenroom,” she said, pushing the door open. “The rest of the cast for the episode are already here—they’re great guys, and they’ve both been on the show a lot, so they’ll be able to help if you’ve got questions. And if you need anything else, just come find me or any of the other PAs, okay?”

The Doctor nodded, beamed at Kaylin, and walked in.

---

The greenroom was small but comfortable, and its occupants, two men around the same age as the Doctor appeared, looked up as he entered.

“Oh, you’re new,” the taller of the pair said, clearly giving him the once-over.

The other sighed with a mixture of fondness and exasperation, just as clearly used to his friend’s antics.

“Hey, I’m Brennan,” he said, levering himself up to standing from his perch on a chair arm, and holding out a hand. “That’s Grant.”

The Doctor took it warmly. “The Doctor. Just passing through, and happy to help.”

Grant’s eyebrows quirked. “Doctor… something?” he prompted.

“Or is it just ‘the Doctor’?” Brennan asked.

“Just ‘the Doctor’,” the Time Lord confirmed cheerfully. “You’ll get used to it, everyone does.”

Grant didn’t look convinced, but—

“Copy that,” Brennan shrugged, and settled back on the arm of the chair, returning his gaze to the door.

Grant, in turn, looked at the Doctor and rolled his eyes in a clear expression of ‘no, I don’t know why he’s like this, either’.

“Okay,” the Doctor said after a moment of watching the watching. “I wasn’t going to ask, but now I think I have to. What’s up with the door?”

Brennan huffed a laugh. “Well, the last time there was one of those up—” he pointed to the Out of Order sign stuck to the bathroom door, “—we got locked in here for the game.”

“He’s paranoid,” Grant interjected.

“Well, yeah, maybe,” Brennan retorted. “Or just cautious. Because Sam’s been acting weird lately, and we’re coming up to the last few records of the season, so he’s probably planning something way out of the box for the finale. And the original cast was you, me and Beardsley, so…”

He shrugged one shoulder meaningfully, and Grant nodded, conceding both the point and the potential for chaos.

“So if Sam comes in to give us the briefing, rather than waiting til we’re on set,” Brennan continued, “or there’s anything else weird going on, I’m gonna know about it right from the beginning.”

He turned to the Doctor. “The only reason I'm not quizzing you is because I know for a fact Beardsley was genuinely scheduled for this, so you can't be a plant by the production team. No offence.”

“None taken,” the Doctor smiled. “That sort of thing happen often, does it?”

Grant and Brennan exchanged a look. 

“More than you'd think,” Grant answered with a grimace. 

“Alright,” the Doctor said slowly, then brightened. “So what is it we're actually doing?”

Grant gave him a disbelieving glance. “You don't know—?”

“Very last minute fill-in,” the Doctor said breezily. “But don't worry, I'm a quick study.”

“Well, you're not that much worse off than the rest of us,” Brennan said encouragingly. “You know about Game Changer, obviously, if you know Sam, and we only find out the rules of the game once we get on set. Hopefully,” he added, with a dark look back at the Out of Order sign. 

The Doctor nodded. No, he didn't know Sam, and he didn't know Game Changer, but he could work out the situation from context clues. This was a game show. And with the Toymaker banished, and Satellite Five not coming into existence for another 198000 years, give or take, he found himself smiling. Maybe third time would be the charm. 

“Mmm, hopefully they aren't going to throw you in the deep end,” Grant said. “Because Brennan might seem lovely now, but as soon as we get out there, he's a whore for points. He'll stab you in the back and won't even blink.”

Brennan barked with laughter. “Yeah, and you wouldn't?”

“Excuse you, I'm always a goddamn delight,” Grant replied, the very picture of injured dignity. 

“Oh, absolutely!” agreed a new voice. The Doctor turned to the now-open door to see a bearded man in a pinstriped suit smiling broadly. “That's why we keep inviting you back!”

Grant bowed sarcastically. “Why, thank you, Sam. Good to know I'm appreciated by someone here.”

“Always,” Sam replied, gently but firmly ending that particular path of the conversation. He scanned the room, and his eyes lit up when they landed on the Doctor. 

“Ah, you must be the Doctor!” he said with obvious delight, walking over with his hand outstretched. “I'm Sam—thanks for filling in for us, you've made sure we're going to have a good show. Seriously, it's a pleasure to have you here.”

“Aw, cheers!” the Doctor smiled, shaking the offered hand. “Glad I could help out, I'm really looking forward to this!”

“Well, great!” Sam exclaimed, then took a step back, regarding all three players in turn. “Now, folks, I'm just letting you know that we're just about ready to start the record, so if you can start heading down, that'd be great.”

Grant and Brennan nodded—Brennan, the Doctor noticed, with relief. 

“See you down there,” Sam said, smiling. “Have a great show, and—”

His eyes caught on the Doctor's for a second, twinkling. 

“Good luck.”

---

Backstage, the Doctor, Brennan and Grant were marshalled into podium order and given a final briefing from the crew. And then, with a thumbs-up from Kaylin, that was it.

Showtime.

“Get ready for a Game Changer!” came Sam's voice from onstage. “Tonight’s guests: he can shoot off a monologue with laser accuracy; it’s Brennan Lee Mulligan!”

Brennan, his back to the camera as the curtains opened, spun on his heel and, with a stone-cold expression, pointed finger guns straight down the barrel, before letting the facade crack open. “Hi!” he exclaimed, and walked over to the leftmost podium.

“It’s his first appearance, but he’s already on fire; it’s the Doctor!”

The Doctor leant against the archway to the stage and flashed a broad smile towards the camera, then in a few skipping steps, had bounded over to the next free podium. What the hell, why not make an entrance?

“And even in the toughest of mazes, you’ll always be able to find him; it’s Grant O’Brien!”

Grant dipped his lanky frame into an approximation of a curtsey, spreading his arms wide, then sauntered over to the closest podium with a grin.

“And your host, me!” Sam announced, a ring of manic white showing around his irises as he beamed down the barrel of the camera. “I’ve been here the whole time!”

“This,” he continued, pushing his microphone shut and stowing it in his jacket pocket, “is Game Changer, the only game show where the game changes every show. I am your host, Sam Reich!” 

As he said his name, he looked at his hands, front and back, as if he was pleasantly surprised to be himself, then gestured towards the three podiums.

“I am joined today by these three lovely contestants! Now, you understand how the game works.”

“Of course not,” Grant started. “You know we don't.”

“We can't, Sam, that's the whole point of the theatre you've set up here,” Brennan said over him. 

“Not yet,” was all the Doctor said, anticipation starting to drum a tattoo of excitement against the inside of his ribcage. 

“That’s right!” Sam said brightly, shooting finger guns at the camera. “Our players have no idea what game it is they’re about to play. The only way to learn is by playing. The only way to win is by learning, and the only way to begin is by beginning! So without further ado, let’s begin by giving each of our players fifty points.”

The Doctor, biding his time, watched the reactions of his fellow contestants. Grant looked at the front of his podium, checking the point total, and nodding approvingly when he saw that yes, it was sitting at a round fifty. Brennan, on the other hand, was starting to frown.

“Players, Sam says: touch your nose,” Sam began, and Brennan sighed the sigh of someone who wasn’t happy to be proved right.

“Oh, no,” he groaned. “Oh, you son of a bitch. Wasn’t one this season enough?”

He touched his nose anyway, as did the others, and Sam smiled encouragingly. “Sam says: touch your ear.”

When they all did, Sam nodded. “Touch your other ear.”

Everybody held still, fingers on the ears they had originally touched.

Sam beamed. “Easy, players, right?”

“You say that now,” Brennan said darkly. “Which makes it worse, because all you're doing is setting us up for failure.”

Sam gasped, pretending offence. “Would I do that?”

“Yes,” Brennan and Grant replied in unison, which drew a grin from the Doctor and set Sam off chuckling.

“And I'm not having it,” Brennan continued, leaning his elbows against his podium and pointing at Sam with the hand not touching his ear. “You better watch yourself, because I know how this game works, and you're not going to get one over on me.”

“Strong words, Brennan!” Sam said, clearly delighted by this response. “Okay, then, let's start making things a bit more interesting!”

The game continued as per Sam Says usual, some rounds done as a group and some individual. Points were won, sure, but lost slightly more frequently, and even the Doctor found he was having to concentrate to avoid getting caught in the host's traps. 

It was fun. Genuinely, it was like playing a game with friends, and the Doctor felt himself leaning into it. There wasn't any sign of danger—maybe there wasn't a mystery to solve at all, and the TARDIS just decided he needed a total break. 

Well, probably not. But the way things were going, he was able to let himself hope. 

“Alright, players,” Sam said a good few rounds in, just as pleasantly as he would start any other question, and the screen behind him dinged as a new prompt popped up. “Survive the death beam.”

For a second, everything was frozen perfectly still. 

And then came the crash, the explosive noise of heavy machinery moving relentlessly through a drywall set.

The Doctor was already moving. “Everyone down!”

“Duck!” Brennan yelled at the same time.

The two of them hit the ground within milliseconds of each other, but Grant was still paralysed in the face of the giant, science-fiction type laser cannon that had just ploughed through the wall. 

It whined ominously, screaming its way to fever pitch. And then a sharp pain in Grant’s ankle made him stagger, pitching forwards onto the carpet behind the podiums as the Doctor rolled away to avoid getting pinned.

“Sorry, babes,” the Doctor whispered. “But it was either kick you to get you down, or—”

A hideous metallic screech ripped through the air, and all three of them could feel the crackle of ozone as a beam of energy swept across what had, moments ago, been neck height.

“…Or that,” the Doctor finished with a grimace.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Grant breathed, suddenly very conscious of every inch of his 6’9 frame. “Thanks.”

“Well done, players!” Sam exclaimed delightedly from above them. “But… sorry, I didn’t say ‘Sam says’, so that’s a point off for everyone.”

“What the fuck!” Brennan snapped.

“Are you actually insane?” Grant demanded at the same time, his voice overlapping with Brennan’s.

In response, Sam just wheezed with laughter. “You can come back to your podiums,” he said, cheerfully ignoring them.

Nobody moved.

“Very good!” he acknowledged, and even without seeing his face, the grin was obvious in his voice. “Okay, Sam says: come back to your podiums.”

Although the words were innocuous, and his tone was just as light and breezy as usual, there was nevertheless an edge hiding just underneath the surface. And while the death beam loomed large in the minds of all three players, it was impossible to consider disobedience as an option.

Slowly, they stood, returning to their places. Now they had the time to look at it properly, the death beam was even more sinister, and Brennan and Grant both kept flicking nervous glances its way, ready to move if it looked like it was charging up again.

The Doctor, however, was focused purely on the man standing in front of them. Unbothered, Sam met his gaze like a challenge, a mischievous smile playing about his lips.

“Oh, you’ll love this one,” he said, and the screen changed. “Sam says, starting with Grant: say my name.”

Grant frowned in confusion, but answered quickly nonetheless. “Sam Reich?”

The man himself shrugged tolerantly, moving on. “Brennan?”

Brennan just stared at him coolly. “Do you take me for a fool?”

“Well caught, Brennan!” Sam said happily. “Sam says: say my name.”

“Sam,” Brennan replied, suspicion clear in his voice. “Samuel Dalton Reich.”

He nodded, still with a hint of indifference. “And lastly, Doctor.” His smile broadened. “Sam says: say my name.”

It was easy. Too easy. And as the Doctor looked into the eyes of the man calling himself Sam Reich, he felt his hearts stutter in recognition, because something had changed. He wasn’t hiding himself anymore, and while the face was different yet again, the Doctor would know the shape of that soul anywhere. It was impossible. It was inevitable.

“You can’t be,” he breathed. 

Sam smirked, leaning in across his podium. “Oh, but Doctor… I’ve been here the whole time,” he stage-whispered with a wink.

“He said you lost,” the Doctor said, shaking his head, looking wrong-footed for the first time that Brennan and Grant could recall. “You lost, and he trapped you.”

The other two watched, uncomprehending, but Sam just smiled, drumming his fingers against the podium with an audible beat, fast but distinct. Four taps, four taps, four taps. “I’m waiting.”

The Doctor took a slow, deep breath. Set his jaw. 

“Master.”

---

missed an installment of the game master cinematic universe?

original idea by @ace-whovian-neuroscientist: x

art by @northernfireart concept: x scissor sisters sketch: x sam and his doppelganger: x

writing by me (!) part one (escape the greenroom): x part two (deja vu): x part three (sam says 4): you are here!

[apollo41writes]

Zoro and Sanji fighting, but make it tango.

Just think about it.

The legwork, the lifting, the eye contact, the proximity, the tempo, the tension...

And sure, that's in basically any form of dancing, but for some reason in my head their dance is the tango.

I just want this!!!

^^^ I need Zoro and Sanji doing this in my life.

I don't care if it's two people doing a little routine while in cosplay, if it's fanart or if it's fanfiction.

I need it.

Please, anybody! There must be someone out there that thought about this already, right?

[kaythefloppa]

I feel as though Wild Kratts is going to redeem one/more/all of its villains before Season 7 ends; I don't know, I feel it in my bones and I don't know how to feel about it.

[familyagrestefanblog]

Sorry, I just need to get this off my chest.

You know what's shit?

That I always come back to work on my explanation posts on why Alya, Plagg, and Emonette being treated unfairly and being disregarded by Maribug's writing is by now pissing me off to similar degrees as her bad treatment of Chat Noir

But that always ends in a domino effect of me putting together more of the overall narrative that ticks me off so much cause my ADD brain can't NOT look for the continuous string of the writing pattern I follow once I'm at it.

You probably can imagine that this isn't very good for my mental health and the only reason why I'm still doing it is because I have a strong suspicion on what the new story arc will do with Cerise after this agonizing hiatus, and only once the actual new story arc proves me wrong can my ADD brain let this emotional investment of 7+ years in my "comfort show" since I was a 16 rest in peace.

Being neurodivergent is exhausting of FUCK...

So I always stop writing any of the posts about the other topics and come back to my Adrichat corner because that's the "safe space" my brain is the most familiar and comfortable with by now since season 4 to make a post AT ALL that isn't running the risk of leading me down 7 new rabbit holes I can't unsee anymore afterwards...

I MISS looking into several narrative threads in this show and voicing my opinions on them. In hindsight, I regret not having done it more when it was still possible, but I feel like it should have been alright in any other normally written show to have a fan blog dedicated to a specific part of the story. I feel like I shouldn't be the one in the WRONG for having done that.

Anyway, I honestly MISS the time where I knew that Maribug's benefit and comfort weren't the only things accepted as "valid" readings of the story. From both sides. Supporters and critics/salters.

Where saying anything that isn't immediately connected to Marinette's benefit and comfort didn't need a full-blown 20 page essay post going into any detail possible to fight for the right to even be taken seriously as a realistic reading of the story at all.

I know I'm not the only one upset at this, but I wonder how many people really realized by now how batshit insane this is right now. That only the most vanilla and vague-ass posts that do their best to not in anyway say something that would be "mean" and "non-validating" to Marinette can be posted now without it automatically being categorized as at least "critical" or running the risk of getting perceived as salt or wishful-thinking.

You can't point ANYTHING out anymore without at least one person running in and either saying "You just HATE Marinette and want to see her punished! You people never care about HERRRRRRRRRR (regarding a topic that isn't about her or is her fucking JOB as a narrative tool to DO)" or "Yeah, nah, the show would never let that happen because of the Marinette bias lol"

You can't even say anything anymore about Adrien's abuse without it being either undermined to all hell because of Marinette having been bullied and needing to be a girlboss who does to others what she's declared "tortured" for, or Félix "hypocrite and victim-blamer" Fathom. Gabriel being abusive was once the most basic ass thing to talk about, what the fuck happened?? (don't answer that, I know the answer...)

The whole analysis' side of this fandom that isn't catering to Marinette was either killed or basically exiled into the "critical" or outright "salt" tag because you can't even be interested in world-building anymore without having to fight for the post's right to be taken seriously under the crushing weight of Marinette's narrative benefits and comfort.

Because mademoiselle ain't fucking interested in ANYTHING lore wise beyond what's convenient for her (not to mention the retcons), so talking about the Guardian and Kwami lore for example counts as SALT now because it automatically implies for people that Marinette isn't all that matters and her flaws of not being interest in ANYTHING might actually COUNT as flaws she should work on. I know, the fucking HORROR! 😱

I MISS writing theories, analysis posts, and speculating about this shows future plots in even the most basic "set up and pay off" manner but I know I can't because my default approach is always complementary to the main character - meaning what challenges them and the narrative the most to grow, expand, and develop. This isn't a Marinette specific thing, I ALWAYS do this.

And contrary to popular belief in this fandom, I get by perfectly fine doing that for the majority of other pieces of media I consume. It is MIRACULOUS and this damn Fandom that now genuinely did it's best to convince themselves that this level of main character centric morality and revenge porn level writing is NORMAL when it's seriously NOT.

There is a REASON why this show hardly ever gets recommended on social media the way one would think despite its success. Or why the Fan backlash is so enormous despite a solid part of the Fandom already having left long ago and the young target demographic not uniformly having a voice in the social media discourse.

Or why people actively advise others AGAINST watching the show, AGAINST forming an emotional investment, and AGAINST going anywhere near the Fandom.

Cause no fucking shit, this isn't normal.

[mechazushi]

What We Could Of Had...

(excuse the quality, I made this in Samsung Notes.)

Ya see, when I first heard that Vc Hoshina liked Mont Blanc, I thought they meant the pen. And I was all like-

"Okay yeah, that makes sense. He's a sword fighter. In ancient Japan, they made sword fighters practice calligraphy because it taught them precision hand control. I could see him being a snob over expensive pens."

Only to find out that Mont Blanc also meant a dessert? Imma be honest with ya kitten, it still kinda pisses Daddy off a little bit.

Like, we could have had Stationary Snob Hoshina! He could have been sending in delicately crafted Mission Reports with rubber stamps and seasonal stickers! He could have been sending letters to Narumi with glittery ink that sheds sparkles all over his desk! Learning calligraphy could have been something he was forced to do as a child because he was dedicated to being a swordsman! Only to rekindle the once hated passion after someone gifts him a really nice fountain pen! We could have had him going on little trips/dates to the stationary stores for little treats!!!!

I HAD A WHOLE @SS CHAPTER PLANED ABOUT SOMEONE (I'm not saying who *coughka*) DOING THOSE LAST TWO SENTENCES SPECIFICALLY!!!!!!!!!

WHY COULDN'T I HAVE MY PETTY FROOT-LOOP HOSHINA?!?!?!??!!?!?

Also, @iceclew , Tagging you in this because I feel like it 🫶

[deiaiko]

#19.3 Unravel

It had been some time since Agni felt this nervous. Not even talking with Jinsung Ha recently had made him feel like this. He fiddled with the mask on his hand as he waited for Grace to come back. He had thought hard on how to deliver the news, but he knew that no matter how he phrased it, Grace would be upset. Velt nuzzled under his palm and Agni gave her a few pats, before deciding that she would be better inside her bowl in his lighthouse, just in case the shinsu acted up around Grace after he received the news.

Grace came back wearing the comfiest shirt and shorts Agni knew Grace liked to wear on lazy days. He joined him on the floor, and they ate dinner together. Agni always finished last, so while waiting for him to finish his meal, Grace told him about his day with Bam. Grace was intrigued by how much his way of thinking had changed, and how glad he was to be able to be by Bam's side when he was having a bad day. It reminded Agni of the hidden floor, when Grace faced his sworn enemy.

They left the used bowls on the coffee table and went to brush their teeth. Afterwards, they turned off the light and went upstairs to sit on their bed. Grace's curious gaze never left him, and Agni curled his feet nervously.

Grace was the one who broke the silence. "So…what is it?"

Agni's breath hitched. This was the part he dreaded most. "I talked with the crocodile earlier. Did you know that he could manipulate stone already?"

"Huh." Grace needed a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Didn't Rak learn it on the Hell train? How does he know it?"

"Turns out our crocodile also traveled back to the past like us. He found the young crocodile and taught him."

"What?!" Grace gasped, wide eyed. "That means our Rak is–!!"

"He's dead." Agni quickly snuffed out that hope. They had been in delusion for long enough; it was time that they faced the bitter truth. "He suffered a fatal injury from the explosion. He couldn't have lasted long without proper help." Agni omitted the actual cause for Rak's death, but still kept his words true. "I'm sorry."

"…Oh." Grace looked lost, just like Agni was. His lips parted a little, but they closed before any sound escaped.

Agni gently squeezed Grace's hand, encouraging and comforting as he let the silence stretch on, giving Grace some time to process the information.

"Agni…" Grace whispered, "do you think Hatz and Isu…?"

Agni bit his lip and avoided his gaze, as the nightmare of that day replayed in his mind. He witnessed Hatz get his arm ripped off when trying to protect him. He could still recall the clang of a sword hitting the floor, and Hatz's suppressed scream that gnawed deep at his guilt. He witnessed Isu get beheaded after being taken hostage, the memory of warm blood painting them both still vivid like it happened yesterday. 

Agni refused to acknowledge their possible deaths, because it felt like a nightmare that one day he could hopefully wake up from. He avoided the topic when Grace brought it up, so he wouldn't have to say it aloud and make it real. He had been so hard on himself, because he couldn't get rid of the feeling that he had failed Grace and everyone else involved.

Agni knew this had to change if he wanted to live better, now that they had gotten a second chance. So he swallowed down the lump in his throat that had built up over the years and asked mostly to himself; "What are the odds of their survival?"

"There's always a chance–"

"Grace." Agni looked him straight in the eye. "They were already severely injured before the explosion hit."

Grace fell silent and went still.

Agni felt a pang of guilt upon witnessing Grace's reaction. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap." Agni fiddled with his hands. He realized that he didn't know how much Grace knew of what happened. "My scar…do you know how I got it?"

"I…was told it was from the family heads' battle." Grace looked thoughtful. Agni knew he was trying to be careful with his words. "A stray attack?"

"It could have been worse." The memory of the scorching heat on his skin felt like it had only happened yesterday. He passed out right when he was about to heal Isu, and only found out later that he also lost sweetfish at that time. The days he spent recovering from the burn, to withstand the excruciating pain every second he was conscious, and finally coming to terms that it'd be a permanent scar, was one of the turning points that had changed him forever. Were Grace not there to care for him, he might have ended up destroying himself even more.

Agni hadn't realized he had his left hand clawing on his cheek until Grace pried his hand off and frowned, "You're doing it again."

"Maybe I should wear the mask…" Agni muttered to himself. After all, Grace gave it to him less so he could hide the scar but more to prevent him from unconsciously hurting himself. The only time he could safely take it off was when Grace was around.

Agni bit his lip nervously when Grace didn't reply. He no longer had the courage to look Grace in the eye that spoke so much concern, so he leaned close and rested his head on Grace's chest. "Rak, Isu, Hatz and Hwaryun were trying to get me out of that damned place. But we were caught while escaping, and…it was a bloodbath. I was…too occupied to react to the incoming heat. Rak shielded us from the explosion. And when I woke up…"

"They weren’t with you," Grace finished it for him after Agni trailed off a moment too long.

Agni nodded dazedly, "I've been telling myself that they're still alive, after a blow that could kill rankers. But…who am I kidding? I was lucky enough to survive with just this little–" Agni vaguely pointed to himself– "inconvenience."

Agni felt a hand gripping his arm, and he pulled away to see Grace looking at him with a pained expression. His eyes were glossy and his lips were pulled into a thin line. Trusting his instinct, Agni reached out to gently trace and cup Grace's cheek with his free hand.

"I'm sorry," Agni muttered. "I'm sorry, for not telling you sooner."

Agni silently witnessed tears that streamed down on his love's face. It was a bitter sight that Agni wished he'd never have to see again, that he had tried to avoid for so long by not telling him. He pulled Grace in and held him close to his chest, as if Agni was trying to gather his own crumbled heart back together.

Grace mumbled their late best friends' names as he held onto him tighter, shaking from each breath he took between sniffles.

Agni felt his own eyes sting with unshed tears. He remembered the years he spent climbing the tower together with his old team. Despite their banter being his source of headaches, Agni knew he too had come to acknowledge them as his cherished friends. Only when they were gone did Agni realize how much he'd miss having them around. Seeing the younger them didn't exactly close the gaping hole in his heart, but at least the emptiness was more filled.

Agni squeezed Grace tighter. "We have their younger selves with us now. We will protect them better this time."

Grace only nodded and sank further into his embrace. And Agni planted kisses on his hair, relishing the thought that after everything he had gone through, Grace was still a constant in his life. As long as he had him, everything would be okay.

When Grace started shaking again, Agni caressed his hair and hummed a comfort song they had known by heart. Still, it didn't make falling asleep any easier for Agni, especially not after admitting that his nightmare was very much real. However, as he had been through grief…this, too, would pass.

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☕ Buy me coffee ☕

[hopeswriting]

i miss when i was writing khr meta on the regular and being unwell about it on here with you guys. i think i like having the time and energy to be chronically online actually

[spidersins]

welp my babes, i fought it for a while, but i'm going to have to implement drafts and inbox replies to be queued for a little bit. ( gonna add it to my pinned post ) this month i'm meant to be submitting my ethics proposal for my project and last minute my supervisor has been signed off after weeks of cancelling our meetings last minute so your girl has to get fucking focused because i have....less than nothing to work with other than my own concept of the project. this will mean i need to actually monitor my hours this month to divide my time, because otherwise i end up scrolling here for far too long - i'll still be around in the evenings but replies will all be queued until possibly the new year tbh thank you to everyone who is waiting on replies from me i promise i am Trying

[giggly-squiggily]

Writing Hiatus Wants To Battle (Upcoming Writing Hiatus)

Hey y'all! :D As of now, all of February has been written and scheduled out! Because of that, I've decided now was a good time to announce I'll be taking a break from posting fics in March, most likely April- and MAYBE May (hehe, maybe baby)

Candy Hearts will still come out as usual; this only applies to my usual 2x per week schedule <3 and I plan on being online! Time to finally answer all those asks! I just wanted to let y'all know now and give myself a bit of breathing room if that makes sense! Thank you all for being undestanding!

Friendly reminder that the Candy Heart event is open until Feb 14th 10 PM EST- so if you want one, send it in before then! So far everyone's prompts have just been- *chef's kiss* I love them all very much and been having the time of my life writing them all! Thank you again to everyone who has participated so far and to those who plan to! Also thank you to everyone who've been enjoying the sugar rush, hehe <3 I'm truly blessed and grateful for the current turnout of the event! Y'all make my February so fun!

Have a darling for your day! Thank you guys again!

[skyloftian-nutcase]

“Have you ever wished you were dead?”

Legend abruptly stopped in mid motion as he was getting ready to sip some of his cider. He glanced at Warriors worriedly, a million thoughts blazing through his mind and choking in his throat before they could be spoken.

What ended up coming out was, "You've had way too much alcohol."

Warriors barked out a tired laugh and downed another sip just to seemingly spite his friend. He glanced at him from the side. "You didn't answer the question."

Slowly, Legend glanced away, getting his bearings. “…Yeah. Once or twice.”

Warriors hummed, his eyes unfocused again, staring off somewhere Legend couldn't reach. The travel nurse felt his stomach knot at the sight of it, and he put his drink down, growing nauseous.

"Hey," Legend piped up awkwardly and worriedly. "I... you... have you thought that?"

Warriors didn't speak. Legend waited. His friend stayed mute.

Growing more agitated, Legend pivoted so that he was facing his friend fully, one leg tucked under him while the other hung off the sofa where they were sitting.

"Look," Legend started, unable to keep the sharp edge out of his tone, unable to keep his own emotions under control at the turn this conversation was taking. "We've seen some shit, both of us. I'm not about to tell you how you should feel. I don't know what you've been through. But you'd better be damn sure I'll get on your sorry ass if you start thinking of different ways to die.

"I've had days where I wish I could just stop breathing. But you know what kept me going? Every damn shift in that blasted emergency department. Because as much shit as we see, we see why we do it, we see so many people dying but we see how precious their lives are too. Remember the fifteen family members for that one lady who died? Remember how many lives she touched? You... you remember that one guy, the one we all fought so damn hard to save and died anyway? You remember how he had no one, how we'd known him for all of a couple hours and it still hit us like he was our own? Don't you fucking dare for one one second think your life isn't important. I don't give a fuck if you think it doesn't matter, or you think you're worthless because you're fucking not."

Rising up from the couch, face flushed, he continued, "I don't care if your brain doesn't accept what I'm saying. I don't fucking care. Your perception of reality isn't mine, you got that? If you think you're worthless that doesn't mean the whole world does. It just means you need help. Because nobody should be thinking like that about themselves, okay? Like we all have dips and that's just life, but you should never want to die, you got that? If you're feeling that way you'd better fucking listen, because I'm going to--"

"Legend," Warriors interrupted quietly with a soft smile. "I'm not feeling that way right now."

Legend froze in mid tirade, mouth agape as he was about to continue ranting, and then he let out a shaky breath with a defeated, embarrassed, "Oh."

There was a long pause, and then Legend said, "Well, good. Thanks for scaring me, idiot."

Warriors laughed, reaching forward and grabbing Legend by the shirt and dragging him into a hug. Legend yelped and spluttered, but sighed in defeat and hugged his friend in return, melting into the embrace.

"You're right," Warriors said as he squeezed Legend even tighter. "No matter what our minds whisper in the dark, we shouldn't listen to it. There's too much at stake. Every one of us matters, and if our heads are ever in a space where we can't accept that, I also know there are others who care about me. I can live for them, if nothing else... until I can make myself a little better."

Easing up, he pushed Legend away just a hair so he could look him in the eye. "You know that you have so many who care about you too, right? It's not just everyone's life is precious except mine."

Legend rolled his eyes dramatically. "For the love of--I'm the one who just told you--"

"I'm not talking about what you said to me, Ledge. I'm talking about how you feel about yourself."

The travel nurse sobered and then sighed. "I know. I know others care about me. And I've seen what happens when people don't think that way, what happens to their loved ones who are left behind to pick up the pieces that you can never pick up. I never want to go through that."

His voice cracked and he snapped his mouth shut. Damn alcohol. He shouldn't have had so much. Pushing away, he rose and took a step from his friend to get some composure back. Then he let out a sad laugh. "Aren't we just a fucked up pair?"

Warriors chuckled at that, rising and putting a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah, but that doesn't change how amazing we are. Naturally, I'm a little more amazing than you--"

"Like hell you are."

"I'm clearly the better nurse."

"The only thing you have in spades beyond me is your fat ego."

"Nonsense, your head's pretty inflated, too."

"Maybe so," Legend relented, the fight draining out of him. He glanced at Warriors, suddenly open and vulnerable. "You... you do know I love you, right?"

Warriors' smile faded, just a hair, just enough for the gentle surprise to take hold as his eyebrows rose slightly. Then it returned, soft and relieved and so, so warm. "Yeah. I know."

[lxvenderjewel]

front row

sometimes i wake up itching to tell an audience somewhere about our little world

and all the new things that we’ve done since last they saw us, like a tv show from their past

and then i walk in to our living room, and look around for a moment, and realize

you left our world a long time ago and i’m the only one sitting in an empty front row.

[punch-love]

I actually find it funny that you like writing wade soo much more than writing Peter because your wade is just soooo incredible. And I think it’s because a lot less people can write a character or the characteristics of someone like wade. Like it’s a pretty rare attribute compared to writing Peter. Peter’s characteristics is just easier to write in general I feel (idk unless u think I’m wrong feel free to correct me?) and it’s funny that the harder character to write is the one you find much easier and much more fun lol

Wade is by far the easiest and most enjoyable character I've ever written for, and it does delight me to no end whenever people think my work with him is good.

I think the thing about Wade is that you have to be willing to go there, and also accept that he's not a good person and that everything he does is a reflection of that. Wade is genuinely morally fucked, and you have to embrace that wholeheartedly. I never have to think when I'm writing Wade, I just write. There's very little brain to mouth traction happening to him -- he is a very intelligent character -- but he also lacks shame and fear, and that means you rarely have to think twice when it comes to what he's doing and why. There's a delightful selfishness that seeps in every aspect of what he's doing and how he's doing it. Also, he thinks all of his actions are justifiable and anyone that stops/limits him/critiques him is wrong and/or he's ignoring it regardless. Also, he's an extrovert.

I think of the two of them, I do relate with Wade more. I am extroverted and do cope with trauma through humor and so I think I use him as my voice-box to be funny. I can't actually live life as violently as him, but he's a really fun outlet regardless. His vulnerability that exists effortlessly alongside authenticity is something I really, really love. I like that he's a bad person who does good things, but not at the expense of losing the parts of him that are terrible.

That being said, PETER IS SO HARD TO WRITE. I think the reason so many people find him easy is because they don't actually understand his character/only see him as a foil and/or bottom for Wade! I've actually talked about this with some of my writer friends about how, technically, anyone CAN write Wade (with varying degrees of success) because everyone generally has some agreed upon aspects of his character but so few people understand Peter that he's almost always OOC or badly written in a lot of fan works. I very rarely read a good Peter, because most people do not write Peter they write twink with a Job, or Man who bottoms, or Nerd with little to no personality.

Peter, unlike Wade is always in a state of contraction. He doesn't believe in killing, but he's always repressing violence, he's a good guy at heart but a total asshole in every other regard, he's a wisecracker who isn't actually funny, he's a traumatized man who refuses to acknowledge that trauma, he's in 10000 levels of self-denial that he doesn't actually know what he's thinking or feeling 90% of the time. Peter doesn't know himself, and doesn't want to, so writing him is a constant layer of trying to tell the truth through the perspective of someone who doesn't want to even be in his own brain and lies to himself constantly. Peter is a puzzle that you have to solve blind and backwards. Wade is whatever you think he is, and then you crank it 9 more levels for the fun of it.

All that to say, I love the compliment and while I do disagree with you on who's the harder to WRITE (at least for me, and in my biased opinion, the majority of the fandom) I do think that I write Wade in a way that embraces all of his violence and amorality and complication without trying to justify or romanticize him, and it's always flattering when someone says. "That asshole! I like what you've done with the place." I do too. Writing him is truly its own reward.

[the-admin-behind-the-slaughter]

what if i wrote fanfic?

[rescuefield-arch1]

just a tiny bit of psa that if you ever wonder whether i want to interact with your or not, the answer is obviously yes. i only follow / follow back blogs i can see myself writing with and claire click with the other character.

now about the elephant in the room, yes i'm aware it seems like i post a lot - even some of my ooc posts are programmed at times and if i'm not doing anything i will reply to replies right away. i'm currently working a 9am to 6pm so yeah you can imagine. i usually write replies to thread when i come home at night which can either be productive af or go terribly and it ends up with me queueing stuff during the weekend.

you probably noticed i'm somewhat terrible at holding conversations as well but thats absolutely something that happens because of my head and irl stuff, in no way it indicates that i don't like you or stuff like that. in regards of writing please consider sending me a prompt, you can chose from my askbox tag - all i ask is to please have some patience as it goes without saying that real life always comes first, muse can be tricky in the sense that finding words is not always easy and lastly, this my chillax ( is that what the kids call it? idk ) space so one thing for sure you'll never see me stress to be on time.

[mad-hunts]

✔

AHHH, thank you so much for the ask, kat! i hope you're having a great sunday :D and now, without further ado, let us get right into the... quick and easy plotting guide.

my muse(s): Barton!

do I know your muse(s):  yes | no | a little | tell me about your muse (i have taken a look at your headcanons for artemis and such, of course, buttt i feel like i could still know a bit more about her... and that way, i won't like assume the wrong thing about her because that would be a little embarrassing (': not to say that i've ever really been in the habit of assuming things whenever it comes to people's character's but y'know what i mean JSJSJ)

setting: our verse | my verse | your verse | modern | alternate universe | other

pre-established relationships? yes | no | depends on the relationship

possible relationships: friends | classmate | co-worker | roommate | family, real or adopted | dating or blind date | married | friends with benefits | unrequited love | lending a hand | teacher - student | rivals | allies | partner-in-crime | enemies | protecter - guarded | business partners | spy - infiltrated | manipulator - manipulated | star-crossed | first meeting | other (so i know that i didn't bold a lot of these here, but to be fair, that absolutely doesn't mean that i wouldn't be open to doing any other kind of pre-established relationship with them that you might be able to see! like maybe they were forced to work together to survive or towards a common goal and that is how they met? IDK, but i think it would be interesting if they weren't possibly entirely enemies... like perhaps they were frenemies?? who knows, i will always go for being fun + creative with this kind of stuff LOL)

i’m in the mood for: fluff | angst | horror | romance | humor | crime | hurt / comfort | action | supernatural | slice of life | crack | dark threads | light threads | any genre | multi-para | shorter para | one-line | any length | plotted threads | unplotted threads | other

feel free to: message me ooc | message me ic | tell me your ideas | write a starter | answer one of my opens | send a meme | reblog this with your preferences - let’s find common interests! (oh, and if you have discord, you can also ask for my handle if you'd like to chat there as i know that tumblr IM's can be quite unreliable at times from personal experience. but yeah - you could also message me on here and we could discuss things + come up with some plots for barton and artemis together, if you want! i know that that sounds like a good plan to me :D)

[itsyagurlchip]

back into the writing grove I go