#i know she has trans friends i knew them when i went to her school they were nice

[harmless-variety-of-garden-snake]

Tommy's introduced as a bigot in season 2 and often shown taking initiative in starting the bullying of Hen and Chim vs. waiting for Gerrard to do something and just not standing up for them. There's even a scene in "Chimney Begins" where no one else is even in the room to overhear and Tommy still chooses to be nasty to Chimney instead of a bare minimum of civil. Even after the "resolution" of the episode and his 'apology' (not for racism, but for making Chim prove himself at work), he's still shown to have spent years not learning his lesson, becuase he goes back to the same behaviors with Hen and Chimnney even mentions that "the Asian guy" still isn't invited out by the team for drinks or BBQ.

Then when it's "addressed" in season 7, we see remarkably little growth from Tommy, where he's blaming "the environment" and Gerrard for his choices and actions as a grown man. And in season 8, we get a healthy dose of misogyny in ageism with how he speaks of Abby, while casually acknowledging he also screwed up her life.

It's not just that he was afraid to stand up against bigotry in the face of an evil boss. He could've taken Eli's route, and just be silent. But no, Tommy is someone who chose to actively participate in workplace bigotry and bullying, and then almost 20 years removed, shrugs it off as everyone else's fault.

let’s not forget his very recent comments about Abby that were reeking of misogyny. Talking about her dating some “himbo” younger than her (as if he wasn’t actively doing the same thing) and admitting he was lying the whole relationship (not just about his sexuality).

Word for word that man said, “Heard she went a little nuts after that” as if her entire world wasn’t flipped upside down with her engagement ending and having to take care of her sick mother. The only tiny bit of understanding he showed was him saying she deserved better, which duh. 

One time when I was five I put a bead in my nose and it went all the way up to the bridge and I had to push down on it from the top until I could get it out because I was scared it would go to my brain and kill me.

That has nothing to do with any of what you said, but I just thought I'd put that out there because you're doing some dumb shit and I wanted you to know we've all done dumb shit. This is a safe space.

Anyway, I don't think you've ever been a closeted queer person who's said and done some at times questionable or outright fucked up things to keep yourself safe from scrutiny.* I grew up seeing people like me getting murdered and heard people explain why it would've been avoidable if they hadn't been so obvious or if they'd just chosen to be normal. I also grew up with a lot of bullies who were only bullying me because it put them in the protected group. It kept them from having people look at whether or not they were actually a good target for bullying. I'm actually friends with a couple of those people now. Not close, but we're cordial and we'll talk when we bump into each other at the store. That has more to do with us being in our thirties and living our own lives. There's a couple who had no excuse whatsoever other than being actual homophobes, I don't talk to them.

I dated in high school, I was engaged but I was 18 so I don't know how much that counts, but then I came out when I was in my early twenties. I knew I wasn't actually interested the entire time I was with those people, either. At first I just thought the relationship wasn't right for me, then I started to realize what was actually going on. I still dated, I still asked someone to marry me because I thought I could be happy with them. I did love and care about them, just not the way you should if you're going to marry them. I also didn't tell anyone I was non-binary until two months ago, even though I figured it out about fifteen years ago. A trans person hiding their identity to protect themselves from danger or rejection is nothing new, but it's kind of a shitty feeling to know you've been lying to every ex you've ever had about something like that. I don't like that feeling, and it's going to take a while for me to shake that. I don't know that I ever will.

So all of that is to say that a character like Tommy is actually kind of important to those of us who also weren't perfect at being queer, especially those of us who grew up during a specific time. I was actually pleasantly surprised that a basic network show would have someone like that, but times they are a-changing. So onto your last point:

Abby Clark is played by a now 57 year old Connie Britton (drop the skincare routine, girl), Lou Ferrigno Jr is 40, and Oliver Stark is 33. When you're an actual grown person, a seven or eight year age difference is kind of nothing. One of you might be a little more ready for things like kids or marriage, but that's not a guarantee. But hearing that your ex started dating a 26 year old when she's about 50, whether or not he knows that she actually pulled Buck's info in a very questionable way (I love that no one going after Tommy ever seems to care about the massive ethical breach from Abby), is kind of...wild. And he presumably heard about this from a mutual friend of some kind, who likely gave him this information colored by their own perception of the situation. This is where critical thinking skills become important. Based on context clues, I can safely guess that Tommy asked someone how Abby was doing or ran into someone who knows her, too, and they said "Hey, did you hear about Abby's new guy?" Otherwise he would've said "I saw that she was dating...." or "She told me she was dating..." So this could've been secondhand bitchiness, it could've been that her behavior was being framed as extremely not okay by someone they knew. We'll never know, the show doesn't have the strongest writing all the time. I'm not touching the thing about her mother, because a very close family member of mine has Alzheimer's, a good friend just lost a parent to it, and I do not want to examine the behavior of a person who's dealing with that or that of the people in their lives.

Could he have said "But I get it, she would've been going through a lot because of her mom and then our breakup"? Yeah. Would it have been nice if they wrote any scenes between Tommy, Hen, and Chimney that bridged the gap between when they weren't close and when they actually celebrated him and his accomplishments when he left the 118 to show why he would be someone Chimney would call on in two major emergencies? Yeah. I think I would've liked to see them talk things out onscreen and to show any apologies. Mostly because it would keep people from dropping an essay in my ask box when I feel like my sinuses and temples are filled with hot needles. I don't actually need to see it other than liking the three of them together, because I figured that they would've shown some hesitation before Chimney would reach out to him or he would've pulled Buck aside to warn him to be careful with Tommy. Or Hen and Karen wouldn't have been so thrilled when they realized what had gone down before Buck and Tommy came into the hospital room. There's a lot of stuff they don't show on this show, but they'd at least make a point to do or not do certain things if a character hated or disliked a character.

*I believe a certain dispatcher even did a whole big speech about this on the very show you apparently watch. I didn't like the Glee part, because I don't like Glee after season one. But the rest of it was good.

[resident-gay-bitch]

🏳️‍⚧️ Trans Tuesdays 🏳️‍⚧️

3 times Eddie was shocked to find out things about his friends dating life, and 1 time he was shocked about his own. (Transfem Stevie)

“Wait, what?!” Eddie shouted, staring at Robin incredulous.

“I’m. A. Lesbian.” She repeated, clapping her hands between each word, “Do you need a dictionary definition on what that means, dingus? Because it’s not-“

“No-“ Eddie interrupted, shaking his head, hands sternly on his hips, “I know what a lesbian is, don’t worry. I just didn’t know you were one!”

“Oh… well, yeah, I am.” She shrugged, “Obviously! Whose idea did you think it was to have a Michelle Pfeiffer movie marathon?”

“Huh.” Eddie nodded, giving her a once over, “Well that clears some things up.”

“God, you’re such a dingus sometimes.” Robin snorted, scruffing up his hair, “Come on, we’re gonna be late to meet Stevie if we don’t leave now.”

☆ ★ ☆

“Wait, what?!” Eddie said, doing a double take and charging backwards, almost stacking it down the stairs to the Wheelers basement.

“No! Nothing!” Will shouted, slapping his hand over his mouth, Mike beside him groaned.

“Nuh uh, not nothing. Don’t try to lie to me you little shits. I saw you two smooching it up.” He said, his voice a harsh whisper as he stared down at them. Or, well, attempted to since they’re almost taller than him these days. “Spill.”

“We don’t have to tell you anything.” Mike sassed.

“Oh, yeah?” Eddie sassed right back, “Tell that to the three headed fire breathing dragon who has it out for you, Mighty Palladian.”

Mike groaned, “We’re not gay!”

“Well, last I checked you’re both dudes.” Eddie tutted, “So, what’s this, hmm? I’m not letting you be a little bitch and use your best friend as your experiment.”

“I’d never do that!” Mike clipped.

“Experiment?” Will asked, his face scrunched up.

“Oh, yeah, been there.” Eddie scoffed self-deprecatingly, chucking a thumb at himself, “Don’t tell anyone, but I went through half the football team.”

“Wait, you’re gay?” Mike glared at him.

“Nuh duh.” Eddie blabbered, tongue rolling out of his mouth, “I thought you little shits knew.”

“I knew.” Will shrugged.

“Why did you know?” Mike argued.

“I just knew.” Will said back.

“Hey now, little dudes, enough of that.” Eddie shook his head, “Now come on, what’s going on here? Is this some creepy weirdo exploration thing or have you gone all sweet ‘n shit on each other.”

“Don’t tell anyone, okay.” Will hissed, grabbing Mike's hand, “We’re dating.”

“He didn’t need to know that.” Mike groaned.

“Wouldn’t you rather someone know?” Will raised an eyebrow, “Someone you actually look up to and like?”

“Aww, Little Wheeler, you look up to me?” Eddie asked, a hand splayed over his heart, “I’m honoured.”

“I’m outta here.” Mike rolled his eyes, pushing past Eddie and up the stairs, “I swear if you tell anyone, I’m gonna go steal all your Dungeon Master notes-“

Eddie gasped dramatically, “You wouldn’t!”

“Watch me.” Mike rolled his eyes, accidentally letting a smile slip before he was fully turned around.

☆ ★ ☆

“Wait, what?” Eddie asked, choking on his sandwich, staring up at his uncle.

“I said-“

“I know what you said.” He shook his head, “I just… you are in a relationship?”

“Yes.” Wayne nodded, “I’m very happy.”

“Oh, wow.” Eddie breathed, “I did not expect this happening when I woke up this morning.”

Wayne chuckled at him, “It ain’t that crazy, son.”

“Yeah it is!” Eddie protested, “I didn’t think you even cared about relationships or nothing. You’ve always been just Wayne to me.”

“Yeah, cause you were a sad little kid that needed my full attention.” Wayne huffed, “Now, you’re an adult and I’d like a relationship.”

“Huh…” Eddie nodded, and began to eat his sandwich again, “So can I meet him?”

“You already have.”

“When?” Eddie asked, furrowing his brow.

“His name’s Scott, and I love him very much, and we met at your middle school parent teacher interviews and have been putting off our feelings since then.”

“That long? Wayne!” Eddie groaned, “Is he like a single dad or something?”

“No, he’s your old science teacher.”

“Wait, what!”

☆ ★ ☆

“Wait, what?” Eddie asked, scrunching his face, looking at Steve on the verge of short circuiting.

“Yeah, I just can’t do this anymore, Eddie.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I like you, so much, and I just…”

“Stevie, I’m gay.” Eddie said, now looking at him with desperation, “Steve I’m so gay, I’m the gayest any dude could ever be. Holy shit, I like you too!”

“You are?” Steve said, his eyes beginning to well up a little.

“Yes!” Eddie said, jumping on the spot, “I’m so fucking gay, Stevie. Gayer than the day is long! Please go out with me.”

Steve huffed, giving Eddie a saddened smile, “I’m not a guy, though.”

“Wait… what?” Eddie asked, scrunching his nose, “What do you mean?”

“I’m transgender…” Steve said, looking at the ground, “I’m actually a woman.”

“Wait, you’re transgender?” He asked, whispering the next part to himself, “God, everythings happening this week…”

Steve nodded her head, “Yeah, I can’t… I’m sorry, Eddie, but if you’re gay-“

“I’m bisexual, actually. I’m so bisexual, please go out with me.”

“Eddie, you can’t just change your sexuality.”

“Uh, well, apparently you can, because I just did.” Eddie sassed, “I was gay, now I’m bisexual, cause I have a big ol’ crush on you, and if you’re a woman, that makes me bisexual.”

Steve glared at him.

“So, can I take you out on a date now?” He said, staring up at Steve with stars in his eyes.

“Are you being serious? This isn’t just a joke, Eddie, it’s my identity.”

“I know.” He said, deadpan, “It’s mine too. Hell, I’m finding so many things out this week, it’s crazy. So like, do I still call you Steve or…?”

“I prefer Stevie.”

Eddie grinned, “Sick. So Stevie, about that date?”

Stevie huffed, “You realise if this goes anywhere I’d be your girlfriend, not your boyfriend.”

“Holy shit, you wanna be my girlfriend?” He beamed at her, “This is so metal, can I kiss you, I wanna kiss you so bad, Stevie, please be my girlfriend right now.”

“Oh…” Stevie muttered, finally smiling, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Eddie just about fainted.

Stevie has my heart oh my fucking god I love her *Screams hysterically from the rooftops*

[gremlinandacrow]

Mouthwashing Headcanons

I may be cringe...But I am free! This is my first time actively sharing my headcanons. Sorry if this sounds incoherent, these were partially done on impulse because I wanna share my love for this game!!!

(Note: There's no mentions of Post-crash here!) (Note #2: Yeah Anya has the most, she's a queen and deserves it!)

Anya 🌕

Early to mid-30s

Tall! I imagine she's at least 5'8 (and her sandals provide an extra inch of height as well)

Russian (credits to @lesbiananya for this hc actually! Her fics are awesome!)

She moved to America in her mid-20s

Lesbian

Growing up, her family placed many expectations on her. Academically, she went beyond most of her class, but as she got older, she struggled immensely with various insecurities over being "good enough".

It developed into her feeling very hyper-independent. She only considers it her final option.

It's...Partially the reason why she's so estranged from her family now.

Undiagnosed autistic (currently going through burnout)

Major reason why she kept failing medical school: She kept running out of money she earned from working hauls with Pony Express. Is in debt.

On the ship, she...Doesn't do much. With such a small crew, there's very little chance of anyone getting seriously hurt. And the food...Well, it's terrible, but not enough to make anyone sick.

She spends a lot of time (during the "workday") in her office. She likes playing the music while she studies in there. It's mostly ambient music.

Bands/Artists I'd think she'd like though: The Crane Wives, Mitski, boa (Maybe Big Thief as well?)

When the crew is playing a board game and it's getting intense, she'll go eerily quiet and have this intense glare!

Smokes often, usually when she's stressed. Unfortunately on this haul, she only packed one box, so she making them last as much as she can...

Also has a journal. She mainly uses it to vent her frustrations out. It's the only thing that will "listen" to her.

She's cold to the touch

After her first haul, she packed extra blankets. You can't tell me the Tulpar isn't cold 24/7!

Near-sighted! She wears contacts (I know this isn't the most original headcanon, but I wanted to mention this one!)

Curly 🚀

Mid-30s

6'1

Born in Australia, raised in America after his family moved when he was young

Bisexual, but he didn't know for a long time (At least until his late 20s)

Parents had him when they were older. Both passed by the time he was 30.

Has been Jimmy's friend since middle school.

Kept finding himself surrounded by bad influences. Sometimes he'd get out of those situations...And other times he'd stick by Jimmy.

Doesn't have that much of a social life outside of Pony Express. As a pilot, it's a super demanding job.

Daisuke 🌺

21

5'7 (Shortest of the Crew)

Japanese/Filipino (Born to immigrant parents)

Aroace, but hasn't realized yet (struggling with comphet)

Trans! At first, only Anya knew (due to medical reports). He's pretty open about it!

Loves art, but his parents didn't understand how it could've been a stable career/passion for him.

Not a morning person at all. For a while, the hardest part of being on the ship was waking up before noon.

Used to Naruto run (honestly he still does it sometimes for fun)

Not a fan of coffee unless if it's 90% creamer + sugar.

Also doesn't like alcohol (even the sweeter drinks such like Pina Coladas, Cosmopolitans, etc.), prefers soda!

Reminds Curly of when he himself was younger (right when he started working for Pony Express)

Swansea 🦢

Early 50s

5'10

American (Southeast)

Also has Welsh ancestry!

Married, has three daughters. He's estranged from his family due to work.

Doesn't wear his wedding ring while working. Safety hazard.

Like Curly, he goes by his last name rather than his first.

Sees Daisuke like the son he never had!

Didn't really understand what Daisuke was talking about when he came out to him. Mostly because the intern was talking really fast and used a lot of lingo Swansea couldn't begin to wrap his head around.

But he eventually got it. He's still a bit confused, but willing to learn. Just not while he's busy working.

Jimmy 🐴

(Content Warning: Implied childhood abuse and neglect.) (Additional Note: I did not make these headcanons to excuse, downplay his actions, or make him sympathetic.)

Mid-30s (A little bit older than Curly)

5'11

American (Midwest)

Rough childhood. Curly was the only one who knew the full extent of what his homelife was like. However, when Curly wanted to tell people, Jimmy pressured him not to.

He fully believed that his life would get worse if anyone got involved.

As an adult, he believes he'll never be like his father.

Barely graduated high school

HATES being called "James"

His feelings towards Curly are complicated, to say the least. They have a codependent relationship.

Listens to crunkcore and country exclusively.

[aro-culture-is]

i’m like 99% sure you can ask for advice here so here goes

so, basically i have a queerplatonic/platonic crush on my band president. AND I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT KNOW HOW I DEAL WITH IT. so, for some context we started talking last year because i just joined the school and the bad and we started talking around mid-year and we weren’t that close orginally but there was this night we had a long, deep convo and after that we started to get really close. after two months, i started to have strong feelings for her (but not romantic) and i think it’s a platonic or queerplatonic crush and i didn’t really go to school and band that often for a while because of autoimmune disease and when i was there i tried not to make it seem like i’m too excited to see her which kinda makes me worried that she thinks i’m iggoring her but we text a lot so. anyway, even though we usually don’t interact irl that much [:(] we still do sometimes, and whenever my score has a rest i always look at her. especially when she has a solo. one time we went to experience this colleg band thing and i asked for a hug and she accepted❤️ i wanna hug her again. i do kinda wanna get touchy with her but not TOO MUCH, y’know? besides, i’m shy/nervous around her and anyway, she’s alloromantic. but anyway, today during our cca fair we kind of kept on kinda locking eyes (accidentally?? idk. but i know i was doing it on purpose) and it made my aromantic heart flutter

anyways so i don’t know what to do should i say i have a platonic/qpr crush on her? though i can’t tell which one it is…..

uhhhhh so, as a nonpartnering sort, I think I'm gonna give some general advice, and leave the specifics to the crowd.

broadly: do you know her views on queer stuff? could you casually bring up "oh, I was reading a queer story --", or if you know she's queer-friendly, "oh, out of curiosity, how many of the flags do you know?" type of stuff? Just, get a general vibe of her views of 1) queer people, 2) what she does and doesn't know or think she knows, and 3) if she knows about aromanticism, what she thinks it is and how she feels about aro folks.

I like to start there personally, because it gives you a lot better of a place to start a conversation about your own identity if you have a common ground on what feelings and definitions are being used. It's really easy, I find, for someone to confidently state they know what something is / what you mean, and be totally off base to the point that you're having totally separate conversations and don't even know it.

To use an example: in high school I had a friend who... lovingly, he grew up rich and sheltered, and probably only was not diagnosed as autistic because he was low support needs. His social skills were, lovingly again, as well informed as he could make them, but executed like a train wreck that most everyone attributed to "boy genius is a little weird". (He was, simultaneously, the heart throb of our school, and a lot of guys realized some queerness because of him, but that's a whole other funny story)

He was super nice about me coming out as trans, but clearly in a "he's confused but got the spirit" way. No idea what I meant, but he knew it meant a lot to me. A few weeks after that, he quietly admitted, "I thought it was about like, gender roles like cooking and cleaning and stuff, and I'm starting to get the impression I might not be right about that."

...

So, I now recommend everyone start with "let's get on the same page about what things mean" before having any big identity chats lol. It often leads to a quiet revelation on their side that you're guiding it to "Hi, I am that identity", but also puts it in a place where they're free to ask questions, and in my experience, treat it a little more thoughtfully and seriously than if it were a fly-by "heyyyyy i am aro and i am scared of this conversation, bye!" that can happen with enough anxiety. totally (/sarcasm) not speaking from experience.

hope that helps? from there, just... keep up communicating, leveling the knowledge field, and if a relationship is what you want, do the work. talk about what that means for you. ask what it means to her. talk about if that's compatible, and how conflicts might be navigated. if that goes well, congrats! if not, congrats! you've probably avoided the messier options, even if it isn't what you'd like.

[deramin2]

Essek constantly gushing about his partner but pointedly not giving his name hits me so hard in the feels.

Two formative childhood experiences for me:

ONE

I was severely, mercilessly bullied as a child at every school I went to even if they're was no overlap of kids, and authority figures either ignored me or directly told me it was my fault. I was socially toxic. Any other kid who publicly associated with me was also targeted for harassment. I was best friends with a girl around the corner but because I was a couple years younger (in itself an invitation for bullying) and a parish, we could never let anyone know we were friends.

I've been told I should be upset at her for this, but it wasn't her fault. It was the other children who made it a fact that she would be harmed by publicly being my friend. She didn't make those rules, we were both just honest that it existed and there was nothing we could do to change that. The best we could do to survive was at least protect her. And that benefited me by actually having a friend.

So if we talked about each other it was"my friend." No names. No acknowledging we knew each other in public. No introductions to other friends. Keeping that divide up was necessary to survival. I had a couple friends on the same freak level as we and we were in fact targeted with additional harassment to get to the other person. It was a legitimate threat to live with. At some point I just stopped thinking it was ever necessary to reveal who my friends or family are unless it's both explicitly relevant and necessary.

TWO

I learned to use the internet in the late 1990s when anonymity was considered a best practice. Don't give out your age, sex, location, or other identifying information. You don't know who is on the other side of that screen or what they will do to you if they know. Sperate your online and offline worlds to protect yourself.

This helped reinforce experience one because clearly adults also acted like those kids and this just normal human behavior no one will ever put a stop to that you need to be on guard for at all times. Build in air gaps so if one of you is compromised it's harder for the perpetrator to get to other people you care about. Defending them through anonymity is a way of showing you love them.

Also since some family are searchable through have state government jobs that right-wing nut jobs chips target them for, I wanted to make sure they couldn't be connected to me as a queer trans disabled person active online. In case something I said led to them being targeted.

(This is correct advice, even though it flies in the face of modern online conventions. There are tons of malicious people on three internet who will target you and anyone you love if they decide to hurt you.)

RESULT

By default, I refer to people by their relationship to me, not their name. My friend, my partner, my parent, my family, someone I know, etc. Often I avoid gendering them to make it even harder to identify them. I have to consciously consider if the person I'm talking to has any reason to know my associate's name. Blacklist everyone, then whitelist exceptions.

I do this even if both people know each other because the specific association feels dangerous. Better to be viewed as acquaintances than a meaningful relationship that changes how either of us could be viewed. It's not even really a judgement on thinking the person is untrustworthy, I just don't want to spend any extra energy thinking about it. It doesn't even feel relevant because my relationship to this person fellas like it conveys more information that actually matters.

ESSEK

Essek knows both he and Caleb are being targeted by powerful people who have shown they will target loved ones to get to them. Additionally, tensions between the Empire and Dynasty are still high and it could very easily compromise how their own sides view them if it's known that they're romantically entangled with someone from the other side. It could also blow each other's cover and make their meeting places more vulnerable to attack. Especially if their enemies know they could hit both of them at once.

It's genuinely dangerous for their connection to be known, so they don't name names. It's not even a matter of whether Bell's Hells would intentionally misuse that information, but what they also could just let slip to the wrong person. It's not really worth the risk when "my partner" is all the information they actually need to understand him.

My guess is that Essek said "Bren" is hiss partner because they already know a Bren sent them to Astrid. And since Caleb no longer uses the name Bren it would be much harder to connect them. It would have caused more questions, more prying, and more risk to give no name for his partner when directly pressed. So he gives a truthful but less dangerous answer. The anonymity is an act of love.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not picking my brothers side against our mother?

Some background information:

My brother (let’s call him Collin) is trans (20m) We come from a relatively Catholic (we aren’t religious but the influence is deffo there) conservative country and have been living in the USA for most of our lives. My mother definitely can’t be considered LGBTQ allies, although they are much more understanding than some of the people here, especially in the south— which is impressive considering where we come from. She is TERRIBLE with using the correct pronouns for Collin, so much so that he doesn’t contact her much anymore. I’ve never tried to get him to do otherwise— it’s his choice, and I still respect him. I can understand it. Shortly before he moved away, he’d rant to me about her. I was pretty good with listening and giving advice/support for the first few years, but towards the end of high school (when the school work stress was piling up, along with other external family issues), it started to weigh on me. I wanted (and still want) to be someone Collin can confide in, but I still love my mother. She has made improvements with her close-mindedness, even if they aren’t huge steps. Whenever I try to give reasons for her behavior or just try to get them to get along, he accused me of siding with her. A lot of his perceptions of her seem warped these days, too. Like a while ago he was talking with me via text about one of his friends/coworkers (who is gay). He told me not to mention to our mother that this friend is gay— this friend, by the way, is fully out and married. A few months later I slipped and mentioned it to my mother (she had suggested that this friend probably likes this woman we know and I said “no mom he’s gay!”). And she didn’t really react? She just bluescreened for a moment (the trademark “confused boomer pause”) and went on with the conversation. I’ve had a lot of talks with her about LGBTQ issues, and I’ve actually managed to get her to consider the fact that homophobia may stem from religion (she is a very science>religion kind of person). She wholeheartedly believes that LGBTQ issues should not be politicized. (Not an ally, not an enemy.)

anyway, all this to say that Collin has a very 2D impression of her. Last year I went to pick him up at the airport, and mom called while we were in the car to remind us to stop by [store] and pick something up. When the call ended, Collin snorted and said something like “the bitch couldn’t have just sent a text?”

I told him, a bit snappishly, to shut up. He looked surprised and I felt bad, but I told him that I didn’t want any in part in the conflict and that he should stop bringing me into it.

I was also kind of pissed at him at the time for posting the story of an argument between our mother and I (my period was a month late, she thought I was pregnant*— not even an argument she was just annoyingly suspicious for a week or two) online. He changed names for privacy, but there were people who knew who he was so it wasn’t that hard to figure out who his “sister” was. Since I never gave him permission to share it with anyone, I asked him to take it down. He did eventually. but I guess that could be for another AITA post.

*I have never dated or shown interest in dating anyone.

Overall, I feel that he has the right to argue/have a bad relationship with our mother. But I also have a right to let it affect me without being labeled as a bad or traitorous sister.

What are these acronyms?

[pjsk-headcanons]

How did (some) characters find out they're gay

Ichika: in middle school, she listened to Magnet. Really. She was like "wait i can do that?" Then looked at Saki (since this is middle school) and her brain exploded.

Saki: she kind of. Always grew up talking about marrying girls and thought it was normal also until middle school when one day she just started thinking about it and went "oh. Yeah that makes sense" and kept going with her life, probably the first in leo/need to figure it out.

Honami: it was in high school because Saki kept flirting and the rest of leo/need just looked too damn gorgeous and she went through a whole crisis before reaching acceptance in like 30 minutes.

Minori: Haruka. Thats all.

Haruka: in middle school, Haruka wanted to figure out if she's gay so An had an idea, they could kiss, so Haruka would think of her feelings and realize them. So they kissed, Haruka thought it was nice but didn't have much more feelings about it so she thought she was straight. Years later she met Minori and oh, she was a fool.

Shizuku: she was too busy trying to make Shiho come out that she never really thought about herself, she knows it in some way but she never thought about it and never will, it'll take her like 2 years dating Airi for Airi to call them both lesbians and Shizuku stops like "wait I am? Wait wanting to kiss you is not normal??" (I know Shizuku is smart but come on she's an airhead + this is for funnies)

Kohane: An smiled at her the first time and I think her brain exploded in purple, blue and pink (bi) glitter. "Dads im bi" "SHE'S NOT STRAIGHT IM SO HAPPY" (i stole someone's headcanon with her having two dads sorry)

An: she spent half of her childhood saying she'd marry Nagi, and her street usually had a pride parade every june, so she just. Kind of always grew up knowing she liked girls? The shock was her finding out she's bi in high school.

Akito: a few weeks after meeting Toya he's just sitting on his room thinking about how cute the boy is and how his hand is so soft and how- oh shit Ena would make so much fun of him if she knew (she knew before he did).

Tsukasa: the boy has yet to figure it out, despite Saki trying to say he's gay every day. Give him a few more years. Or a Rui kiss. Both works.

Nene: somewhere in high school she looked at Emu, looked at Ichika, thought back on her little mermaid obsession with the actress and went ".. oh. oh"

Rui: probably kind of always knew, but he did have a time where he got confused bc he dated Mizuki for some time in middle school but then Mizuki came out as trans so he was like "... What if i only like girls and just had a really good radar?" Nah. He's just bi/pan

Mafuyu: once as a kid she mentioned she wanted to marry her elementary school best friend and Mafumom started talking about dishonor and that she cant and blablabla so she just locked that up. When Mizuki and Ena said something about liking girls and Mafuyu looked around at the feelings the three girls give her she just. remembered everything, both the feelings for that friend and her mom's talk. She started having a panic attack then because one girl was bad but THREE??

Mizuki: always knew she liked girls so it took the transition to call herself gay. However Rui did make her realize she also likes boys.

-anon anon

.

[sincerely-astra]

Could I please have some Celeste x trans-masc reader please? ^^ I'm starving for some fluff Celeste content-

☁️Celeste Ludenberg x Trans-Masc Reader🌧️

��️Mentions of transphobia!⚠️

The two of you met when Celeste was in middle school, well, not Celeste actually. You met Taeko Yasuhiro.

You were a new transfer student, something that only happened because of the harassment you got from your old school for being trans, and the teacher had placed you next to her.

You both weren't exactly quick to become friends, Taeko wasn't a person who really stood out to you and Taeko wanted little part in her peer's lives anyway. For a good few months, it remained like this, you both did eventually become acquaintances where you'd at the very least say hi to each other in the morning and ask questions about the material to one another, but again, you weren't friends.

It stayed that way until a cold morning when you had made it to school early and practically ran to your classroom to get somewhat warmer from the heater and you saw Taeko sitting at her desk reading a really thick book. The pages were obviously old and clearly taken from the back of the school's library. Normally you wouldn't have acknowledged this, you had seen her reading from time to time so it wasn't anything new, but for some reason, this book seemed to catch your interest.

Swallowing your initial awkwardness, you leaned over to gaze at the book and ask, "What are you reading?"

"...European history." She finally spoke up after a long pause, her eyes narrowing at you as if to see if you were worth sharing this information with.

And luckily, you were.

You both got to talking, mainly about European culture and history, and you got to learn a lot about Taeko and her obsession with Europe. It was hard not to be mesmerized as she went on and on in excruciating details of different periods, it really got you interested in it too, albeit, not on the same level as her.

You'd occasionally chime in with your thoughts every now and then and Taeko would take them seriously, treating you as an equal to her.

Taeko would have been lying to say that she didn't enjoy talking to you and that she wasn't eager to become friends the moment you expressed interest in something so dear to her. Despite her own restraint in not wanting to scare you away, you both became friends really quickly and talked way more than before.

This being said Taeko was also quick to pick up on you being trans. Not specifically being trans, but she knew you were different from others, she had always been quite perceptive after all.

She noticed the baggier clothes you wore, the way you would spew out excuses at the teacher if they had wanted you to do any kind of physical activity, your lack of appetite, everything you might have tried to hide from others, she knew.

Granted, Taeko was pretty subtle about the whole thing, not really letting you in on her knowing only asking questions that were vague enough not to detect you. She really wanted to know what was up with her best friend, but she wasn't going to push you if you weren't ready! ...She is impatient though.

When it comes to Taeko's gambling talents, it is the one thing she likes showing off, especially to you.

You both make bets all the time, usually just betting on a snack or something easy, and Taeko has yet to lose... She technically has "lost" before but that was only because she felt kind of bad and let you win.

When she started to really let her gambling flourish and started going to some more shady places, you always insisted on going with her out of concern. You both were aware of how dangerous these places can get and with Taeko just being in high school, there wasn't a lot she could do if things got messy... It's not like you are the strongest person out there, but it makes you feel so much better knowing she has someone there just in case.

Even if Taeko acts like it's annoying, it melts her heart knowing you care so much.

Being in the place in Japan where you were born and raised, it was extremely obvious that it was not the most welcoming place when it comes to being trans or part of the LGBTQIA+ community in general. The more you thought about this and your identity itself..., you were reasonably hesitant about coming out to Taeko.

You did want to tell her, don't get it twisted, but you were just so terrified to lose one of the only friends you had.

It had taken months of preparing yourself, multiple breakdowns, and so much overthinking before you could bring yourself to ask Taeko to meet you at the park. It would be there where you open up and tell Taeko why you had been so distant lately, that you were trans, and what that involved.

Taeko being Taeko, was not surprised by the development at all, she did act like it though out of not wanting to hurt you. She gave you a warm congratulations, a hug, and made sure that you knew you were loved no matter who you wanted to be.

Taeko will probably be the quickest when memorizing your new name and pronouns, same goes for who you are okay with saying your new name to. Literally your number 1 ally and supporter!

She will definitely help you in researching for a binder and Testosterone, keep in mind though that she will be teasing you when she feels necessary.

Also, when it comes to you not having the best eating habits and skipping meals to make your curves less noticeable, she will be putting an end to that immediately. She understands why you are doing what you are doing, but not eating is not gonna make that any better. She will be making sure you feel fine with your curves whether you like it or not.

In the last months before your graduation from middle school, Taeko too starts having some changes...

It was really sudden but she came into class one day looking very different from how she usually did, her hair was longer with the addition of two twin drills in her hair, her eyes were red from the help of contacts, and her attire was barely fitting the uniform dress code with its laces and eccentricities. It was all so strange and so sudden that you couldn't help but have your mouth agape slightly at the sight...

Then she insisted on you calling her Celeste Ludenberg. That one really made you pause with how different she was.

It's not like you actively protested these changes, she had been there for you when you didn't feel like yourself so why shouldn't you be for her? You called her Celeste, you got used to her new attire, you got used to her accent, you got used to her new and improved "backstory", and you got used to her shift in personality, but it just made you wonder what caused such a change.

It was like she was playing a character, someone from those European history books she loved so much. She was not Taeko Yasuhiro, in her own words, "Whoever is stuck with such a name must be truly pathetic. A name like that with no flair is no name for me."

There were still moments when her old personality would peek through, and it wasn't like she was totally different with how she still fawned over European culture. That at the very least gave you some solace.

In a way though, it was like your friendship restarted, like you were just meeting someone completely new and not the girl you had known for the last few years. It probably didn't help that you weren't always the fondest of Celeste and her attitude...

There was always something so condescending in her tone and the way she carried herself like you were nothing more than a pebble in her shoe and it just aggravated you.

You guys would get into fights more often..., sometimes over the pettiest stuff. Your relationship was deteriorating swiftly as the days went on and it was emotionally devastating for the both of you.

Celeste was accepted into Hopes Peak Academy.

When she got her admission letter, her first thought was that she had to tell you right away so you both could celebrate, but as her hands grabbed her phone and excitedly texted you, her eyes gazed over last night's fight... Reading over the nasty words you both sent to one another, all for something she couldn't even remember, it really did sink in that going into Hopes Peak might be the breaking point in your relationship if she didn't fix this.

She didn't want that, there was no way she could just let something like that happen, not when you were... you. You, her best friend since forever, someone she so deeply cherished and always wanted by her side, you the person she loves-

...She loves you so much.

She has to fix this.

Celeste has always had a really hard time admitting she's in the wrong, it's what comes from being a stubborn person, so she knew very well that this was just gonna have to be a hard pill she had to swallow and in all honesty, she didn't even know where to start... She would scroll through both of your messages, trying to find where the whole issue started to begin with. It was really bittersweet reading through all of the years of good memories you both had with one another..., Celeste really regrets letting you go like this.

She also wasn't surprised to see that she was the one really pushing everything at the start. She wasn't Taeko Yasuhiro, of course, she was going to act differently, but she knew there were a lot of things and actions she had done/said that really shouldn't have been even thought of. Looking back on it, she even found her behavior a bit repulsive.

Gaining your trust back was going to take a while, but Celeste was fully prepared to make that sacrifice if it meant getting you back.

She did everything she could think of, she bit back whatever insult or passive-aggressive thing that tried to crawl out of her mouth, she made more time for you in her busy schedule, she tried to help more with your transition or at least made you feel somewhat less gender dysphoric, and she cut back on the gambling a little, all for you. There were times when she would occasionally snap back to her old ways, but she apologized after and that was the big difference from how it used to be.

It's hard to stay mad at someone when they go through so many lengths to make it all up to you..., you weren't any different in that regard.

It was soon after this that Celeste also happened to find out her feelings for you.

Although your relationship had mended, you both didn't want to push each other's boundaries quite yet, meaning your once lively sleepovers and hangouts had been momentarily postponed. So, when you finally worked up the courage to ask for a sleepover and were met with acceptance, it was hard to not be a little giddy.

You both did the usual thing of going to her house after school (she always insists on 'hosting' the sleepovers), talking for a while, playing some games, making popcorn, and watching a movie, and you were both getting ready for bed. This was the part Celeste was hesitant about... She knew it was dumb, but in this new persona she came up with, she never exactly turned it off around you. When she's home alone, she obviously never acts as extravagant as she does everywhere else, so you never get to see that side of her.

And that was terrifying in its own right.

But it also still had to be done, you were sleeping over after all. Celeste took off her drills, put some pajamas on, and took a quick breath before slowly opening her bedroom door to see you sitting on her bed, scrolling your phone. Her heart was practically gonna burst out of her chest from how anxious she felt as you looked up, a smile growing on your lips as you asked if she was ready for bed.

...That was it? No questions or feelings of repulsiveness? Celeste barely held back a confused expression as she nodded and went to sit by your side, nervousness dying down by the minute.

And then those words came out of your mouth..., "You're really pretty, you know." Those words singlehandedly made her heart stop as if it too were just as shocked as her. She truly did try and remain as calm as one can be in this situation, but it wasn't hard to see how uncharacteristically soft she had become.

She was sure of it before, but god, she loved you.

Celeste was pretty quick to confess after that. She wanted to make sure everything was just perfect for it to be, she asked you to go to dinner with her at this new place she had been wanting to try, acting nonchalant and not giving anything away all evening, and her plan was to confess at the end of the night when she would invite you for a little midnight stroll. It was going to be perfect!

It would have been until this absolute piece of work that was serving you two began harassing you just as you were both about to leave. Saying things like, "You aren't fooling anyone you know," and, "You will never be a real man." God, the way your face fell as you practically dragged her out of there made her want to tear him apart. Celeste was so close to just absolutely ripping that server to shreds, the only reason she didn't was because she never got the chance to when you were trying to get out of there as quickly as possible.

The rest of the night was spent with her trying to comfort you even when you would tell her that you were fine and this was a somewhat normal occurrence for you... She felt so horrible that she had chosen that restaurant over the countless others in town, all of which had the chance to not make such a wonderful night end like this.

You shouldn't have to get used to something like that, you were in no way inconveniencing him just by being trans and you being okay with this made her stomach turn into knots of so many different emotions.

As your footsteps fill her ears, her feet suddenly stop on the pavement underneath her as she watches your moonlit form unintentionally leave her behind. Celeste couldn't stop herself from letting it all out right then and there. Yelling out her love for you as you whipped around, also stopping in your tracks as she rambled on and on about how much she adores you, how much she wants to be able to help you through these horrible things, and how she loves you.

Looking into her deep, blood-red eyes... This wasn't Celeste Lundenberg, the cold gambler who was deemed, 'the queen of lairs.' This was Taeko Yasuhiro, the same European-obsessed girl you met back in middle school.

So you know Celeste's ranking system? How it goes from A-F, F being her enemies, and A being something no one has achieved. Well skipping over all of that, you have been officially promoted to S-tier! Meaning you are the love of her life and she will never let you get away. :)

She loves dressing you up in her gothic Lolita style, she finds it absolutely adorable on you and will even try to branch out and try other styles on you.

Celeste has to use the money she gets from gambling to good use and the only way she can really think of is by spoiling you. Not only are you gonna get a ton of trinkets, snacks, and whatever else you show interest in, but you are also gonna get a lot of gender-affirming items! This consists of clothes, hormones, binders, whatever you need, you will receive.

Now that you two are in a relationship, Celeste will slowly start showing the other sides of her, ones that she keeps away from everyone else. It's hard for her to stop hiding Taeko from her life, but you being there certainly helps.

Her cat loves you, like, it LOVES you. Celeste lowkey gets a little jealous because Grand Bois Chéri Ludenberg is literally all over you when you go over to her house. She's jealous of not only you but the cat as well.

She wants kisses too. :(

Celeste might not be the most outwardly affectionate person but deep down, she is so needy. She wants your attention so badly but she also doesn't want you to know that-

She's going through it.

When I say that Celeste is the ultimate transphobia shield, I mean it. It could be anywhere, anytime, and coming from anyone, whatever transphobic thing that even comes into your vicinity will be taken care of by her sharp words.

And if someone just doesn't get the hint, she isn't opposed to yelling at them to get it across.

Celeste also tries to be so well informed with the trans community since she wants to make sure you feel comfortable and safe.

If one of her friends ever dares to misgender you repeatably on purpose or make you feel unwelcome, she will drop that person so quick. You don't deserve to be treated like trash and she will make sure you know that!

Celeste loves her trans-masc boyfriend so much.

[allthecastlesonclouds]

yippee :) @starstruckodysseys sword af modern au be upon ye! ty preemptively letting me ramble :)

FIRST. CHARACTERS.

let's start with... Koda Amakiir :D

they/them

traveling musician

child star /neg : ran away when it got to be too much; planned to meet up with fayen in the next city and couldn’t find him

show was called Four Seasons

they are not living their best life but they do love what they do

vibes with delores immediately. bug is sweet but. a bit too enthusiastic for them

always carries the SMALLEST hope that at the next city, they’ll find him :) they haven't yet :)

alr next Delores Paradise

she/her

owns a trinket shop with a constant Everything Must Go sign

Went into a coma years ago and was legally considered dead for a while – when she woke up she was given her children’s contacts, but was told she would have to contact them herself. She has not yet

(she’s afraid of what their reactions might be)

the hospital was Mourosel's and that medical debt is. hefty

very very close to straight up Buying the building from her landlord bc he jacks up the price every year.

rents it out along with fernie– the second floor houses two bedrooms and a kitchen/dining room, the first floor (behind the shop) has two more bedrooms, a Very Small sitting area, and a bathroom

the shop doubles as a performance space– artists are allowed to rent out the space during the day if they want to, but in the evenings, esp the weekends, there's an open mic night that does in fact serve alcohol

Bug

he/they

somehow very few people know his last name!

delores should since she hands over the rent to the landlord but she was. not fully with it when she did let’s say.

i am saying she was drunk and/or busy flirting with the next door neighbor

24, graduate school– studying to be a surgeon.

goes to their school’s athletic center RELIGIOUSLY

watched koda’s show as a child (also religiously) and that made them want to be. as buff as possible

def had like. so many posters of Four Seasons. like plates and posters and a blanket and bug is trying to keep as much of this a secret from koda as possible

he's trans. bc i can make him. also middle child. parents did not realize he came out to them and so now bug's just uncomfortable during every interaction

some of their siblings are. bitches tho

something in my aus is that i will retcon as few things as possible from the actors but I CANNOT MAKE BUG A PODCAST GUY. PLS. PLS BUG'S MY GUY

and our last guy got a name change: Ashton "Fernie" Fern

he/him

fernie by his friends, furnace by his family

delores came up with the nickname when they got drunk together

park ranger! faerashi faerani is one of the park’s lawyer; they’re pretty close. she handles all of the park’s legal cases, and sometimes they just get drunk together bc people visiting the parks are idiots

kevin the moth is a terrarium moth that he keeps in his room :]

has biweekly dinners with (first) delores (and then the whole group once they move in)

there are three rubens in fernie's life– one is his coworker, one is a weasel in the park, and one is his cat :)

such a nice guy. genuinely very sweet. and then he sees his family and faerasha literally has to shove him off a path so he doesn't punch them again

alr a few other points i wanna make :)

faerasha (she doesn't usually go by her full name, it's either fae or 'rasha) is doug's daughter

doug was a costume designer on Four Seasons. now he's a private stylist. he's also fucking rich

bug couldn't rent with the people he rented with the previous year of school– they're that group of heroes from s1– and koda likes to room in places that aren't hotels bc they're less likely to be found by fans

bug was punching trees in the park and fernie stopped him and they just chatted. koda swung by the trinket shop bc it was the most outwardly welcoming building they could find and then asked delores if she knew where someone could stay

bug sees koda when delores and fernie organize a meeting to make sure everyone would be alright with the living situation and went I Will Be Literally So Normal. I Am Literally So Normal About This. (to be fair he tried very hard with it)

bug and fernie are both Big Family kids. fernie's the oldest of like. 9 or 10 kids, i want to say? i'm really set on bug's family having 13 kids for some reason and bug's SOLIDLY number 7

fernie double majored in business and environmental studies, minor in economy, then got a master's of science in animal welfare and behavior

unfortunately this means that his father did not in fact change the deed to true neutral. yes it's nepotism. of course this bitch would rely on nepotism for his business

true neutral is essentially amazon in canon right? it continues to essentially be amazon.

so the ceo dies and the company goes to "his eldest son, who is entirely capable due to his education". this sparks annoyance in the public bc of nepotism. this sparks annoyance in the family bc fernie hates his family. this sparks annoyance in delores bc her trinket shop is flooded with reporters all of a sudden– and then fans of koda, and then two of bug's brothers (she forces everyone to buy something for every question they want to ask, which does lessen her annoyance). this sparks annoyance in faerasha bc HE'S NOT SAYING ANYTHING HE NEEDS A FUCKING LAWYER–

fernie doesn't know what's happening. his phone broke a week ago and he hasn't bothered to get a new one, he can get to work and back just fine

finally faerasha just breaks in and sits him down

alr there's more not in that vein

koda and doug are besties even though doug is. a couple decades older. they have tea every now and again

koda's also working on an album. they're not going to announce it– people would find them– but they're thinking they might quietly release it and just let people find it

gunthar is the next-door neighbor and delores unabashedly flirts with him. rum-pum and tungo and chumo live on the other side and bug is consistently delighted by their stories. they're all dating. he thinks.

delores really does not know whether to contact her kids

she has a late night talk with koda tho where they talk about their. bad experiences. on their show. and she talks about her coma and her debt and her lack of memory.

and they push her to call one of them! she's got her family just one step away, and she's so kind to all of them!

and now. bc why not. some doodles. fernie doesn't look tall enough but like. the energy is there

[ilovedthestars]

Sometimes I think about how there are friends whose names I don’t know anymore.

I grew up with a little posse of queer kids. I haven’t talked to most of them in years. I remember them as they were in middle school, when we were still figuring ourselves out. Some of them were trans, or thought they might be trans. Some of them tried on new names.

I had a friend who told me to call her a new name, and she/they. I mostly used she, because she was only out to a small handful of people at the time. If I slipped up and used the new name around other friends, most of them didn’t know who I was talking about. That was eighth grade. We went to different high schools, and didn’t keep up.

That friend shared a handful of playlists with me, back when we knew each other. I still have them saved on my phone. The name under the playlist title has changed from either of the ones I knew her by. I looked again while writing this, and it’s changed to a new name since the last time I looked. I’m sure my friend doesn’t know that by changing their name on their own device, they’re sending out a faint signal that I’m still receiving. It feels like a strange peephole into the present of a friend I left in the past.

Their number is still in my contacts, under the name they told me to call them by. We’ve texted each other on a handful of birthdays in the last few years. Otherwise we haven’t talked. The last time I saw their face was five years ago. They called my name in public, and for a second I didn’t recognize them when I turned to look. I wonder if I’d recognize them now if I ran into them on the street. I wonder what name I’d call them by, and if they’d answer to it.

I might not think of this at all, if not for those playlists from my friend who keeps changing their name. But that makes me wonder about the other trans kids I grew up with, and if the names I learned to call them are still the right ones. We were all still figuring ourselves out, back then. I hadn’t figured myself out yet. (I still haven’t.) I wonder if any of them think of me as their straight friend. I wonder if any of the friends I never knew as trans have new names now.

I know that all the friends I left behind have changed from the goofy, awkward, messy fourteen-year-olds that are frozen in my memory. I know I’m a different person, and they might not recognize me if they saw me today. It’s just so strange to think of someone I once shared everything with and wonder if I still know their name.

[crittrzz]

my Katsuki Bakugo headcanons

currently experiencing Katsuki Brainrot and need to get some of these out of my system.

(also i haven't actually watched the show in years cause i'm a fake fan so i'm hoping nothing in the newer seasons contradicts any of this)

Ft. a few guest appearances from Kirishima

He started his transition the year before middle school. He BEGGED his parents to let him go to a new middle school where nobody knew him, and after months and months of pestering, they finally gave in. Izuku, not knowing how to be anything without his one-sided best friend, followed him to the new school.

He has severe PTSD due to the sludge villain, sports festival, and especially getting kidnapped by the League. Becaus of this, he can't handle anything covering his face and neck, and he's become even more on-edge when fighting someone he doesn't know.

He gets a very light layer of freckles over his face and shoulders every summer and he hates it. At first he tried covering it up with concealer, but it ended up being way too much work, and he usually sweat it off after an hour of training anyways

He found two stray cats outside his house one day and decided to give them the last few bites of his lunch just to get them off his ass. It worked, and he didn't see them again, at least until a few days later when they came back with kittens. He gave them the last few bites of his lunch again, and they both went their seperate ways. Eventually it became a daily routine for them, and Katsuki actually got very attached to the cats.

When he moved into the dorms he made his dad promise to keep feeding them, and his dad still regularly sends him pictures of the cats.

When he reached the point in his transition where he was starting to finally pass, he asked his mom to please take down all his old pictures on her social medias. She adamantly refused, claiming they were still good memories, so he stole her phone and deleted them himself. He was grounded for a month after that, but they never got re-uploaded.

He loves being outside. Before the dorms, he spent more time out hiking or at the park than he did at home. He planned on continuing this when he moved into the dorms, but when everyone else found out what he was doing they insisted on coming with, so he stopped.

For his 6th birthday "Auntie" Inko took him and Izuku to a planetarium. Katsuki thought the whole thing was a little dumb, but when Inko said he could pick something from the gift shop, he was instantly drawn to a pack of glow stars. He and his dad put them on his ceiling as soon as he got home, and they stayed there until he moved into the dorms.

After a couple weeks away from home he realized he had a really difficult time sleeping without him, so Kirishima bought him a new pack for his dorm ceiling. Katsuki acted mad and accused Kirishima of calling him childish, but the stars were on his ceiling within an hour.

He absolutely hates being restrained, but he loves being held. Whenever he and Kiri cuddle, he has to slowly work his arms around Katsuki's body, being super careful about not holding him too tight, or putting too much pressure. Katsuki feels bad about it, but Eijiro will do whatever he has to in order to be with him.

The only people at UA who know Katsuki is trans are Izuku, Eijiro, and certain staff members. Izuku keeps trying to convince him to tell the others, at least his close-ish friends, but he refuses.

and finally

He was Springtrap from Five Nights at Freddy's for halloween one year, and will fucking kill anyone who mentions it now.

Izuku sent Eijiro a picture. It's now his contact image for Katsuki

[owiphony]

Airiena headcanons (very AU-ish)

trans girl airi

they started dating first year middle school.  Airi wasn't out yet but Ena was the first person she came out to. Ena was open that she was a lesbian tho so that also helped Airi in trusting her. (Ena would only really tell people about her sexual orientation if they were her friend or if it came up but she wasn't particularly hiding it)

airi does a lot of the house chores ex. cleaning, laundry, etc. (EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT HER HOUSE 😭 ) but she does it because she know that it takes Ena a lot of energy to do those simple tasks (cause depression lol). She also just wants Ena to have more energy and time to do what she wants. Ena does try and pick up more of her chores because if she doesn't do them then Airi will and she doesn't want Airi to have to do that.

Ena watches the momojan streams and occasionally pauses the streams when Airi is on camera and then she'll draw that. Cooking stream with momojan? Ena drew Airi making a cheesecake (that cheesecake was later brought to Ena). Dance practice with momojan? Ena used it for pose practice.

this one has more of a tw for sh but anyways || cause Ena had a reoccurring problem with it. Airi didn't know how to help. Everything that she could do/tried to do didn't work so she just tried to be a comfort. So she bought bandages with designs on them cause she knows that Ena hates that she does that shit to herself and also hates the dull white bandages that she sees constantly. So these bandages with designs on them are just meant to make Ena feel better about how it looks and to feel less guilt and shit about it all. ||

related to this^^^ Ena has a sketchbook of only Airi and she gets SO embarrassed when Airi looks through it. But despite her embarrassment, she will always let Airi look through it.

^^ sort of continue. If you open Ena's sketchbooks, you'll always find small doodles in the white void of the main drawing. Those are always drawn by Airi.

The two of them have their wallpapers as each other. Ena's lockscreen is the day she confessed to Airi (girl has not changed her wallpaper for 5 years). Her home screen is her and Airi under the cherry blossoms (this one usually changes to different photos of her and Airi tho). Airi's lock screen is Ena with a cat and her home screen is just them kissing.

Despite this all EVERYONE and i mean EVERYONE don't realize airiena is dating. The only people that know are the people in their family. These girls aren't hiding it from their friends or anything either, outsiders all just think they bestie vibes only. It's the most obvious thing that airiena is utterly infatuated with each other but no one picks up on it/thinks much of it (quite offensive in airiena's opinions)

Airiena had a secret makeout spot behind a tree in middle school. They didn't always use it to make out but almost every time they madeout it was behind that tree. (sometimes they kissed in storage closets or the bathroom but those weren’t very romantic environments.)

^^^ once airiena had stayed behind in school for long enough that they ended up having a make out session in their classroom 

^^ now that the two of them go to different schools, they get a bit sad they can’t do much like that anymore (however, they have snuck each other into their respective schools just for fun)

In middle school, before Airi came out (and even after she came out), people thought they were dating since they were always together (they were dating but in a very lesbian way, and they knew people didn't understand that, so they would usually say they weren't. Mainly cause then they would call Airi Ena's "boyfriend" when she was, in fact Ena's wonderful girlfriend.

Airi had the worser of mental health of the two when they first met. It flipped as time went on

^^ because Airi knows how feels to be in the depths of depression and things like it, she talks to Ena with as much understanding as she can. But she didn't go through everything that Ena goes through (mental-health wise, experience-wise, etc.)

these two cannot keep their hands off each other. They're always holding hands, linking arms, leaning on each other, cuddling, hugging, etc.  you think it? they do it (and they have no shame)

^^ they only really keep to the listed ones when in public. Airi is still an idol, and they don't want unnecessary drama because they decided to kiss in a very populated area.

^^^ however, Ena finds the dumb idol disguise (sunglasses and a medical mask) really funny. Sometimes she likes to press a kiss to Airi's lips through the mask and it makes Airi immediately pull down the mask because it's no fair that a piece of cloth gets Ena's kiss and not her lips!!

Akito is an Airi oshi because he likes how much she makes Ena feel better.

^^Airiena being together kept Akito and Ena's relationship on the closer side cause Ena had more support when she was going through it™. Akito still calls Ena "nee-chan" cause of it, and it's an unexpected cute side that An and Mizuki gawk at

Ena LOVES when Airi feeds her and Airi loves to feed Ena if it'll make her happy.

Airi’s pigtails and yellow ribbons actually come from Ena. She’s just too gay and sentimental to change her hairstyle

^^^ with a similar reasoning. Ena once told Airi that she likes Airi’s stomach/when her stomach is exposed. So now Airi always has her stomach exposed in a lot of her outfits. Ena doesn’r actually know that she’s the reason behind this rather she thinks Airi just agreed and liked the crop tops.

The reason the yellow cat pillows are yellow are because of Airi's yellow ribbons. The ribbons come from the first time Ena dressed Airi really cute and girly (which was pre-relationship)

Their first date was a shopping date and they bought those cat pillows to remember that day

^^The two of them have a big liking to yellow because of this. It’s their favourite colour, with pink being a close contender. 

They like to bite each other. They’re usually small bites and they don’t happen too often (usually they’ll just kiss instead) it’s just sometimes their feelings for each other overwhelm them and they go chomp. It’s always a surprise to the other when it’s done but they don’t mind.

Airi is always much warmer than Ena so Ena always subconsciously ends up gravitating towards Airi (even when it’s way too hot to be that close)

Ena once (and by once i mean multiple times) dressed up as a cat for Airi and Airi almost exploded. (they kissed so much)

These two are heavily oblivious to when other people like them. They only have eyes for each other, so when someone else likes them, they don’t give that person enough time of day to realize that they’re into them.

^^^They don’t really feel jealousy when others are close to the other. They trust each other fully. However, they do like to make an exaggerated point of closeness/their relationship if someone seems to be acting a bit close for comfort.

sometimes airiena swaps around their matching cat pillows because they want each other's scent on the pillow for when they aren't having sleepovers. They've been doing it ever since they got those pillows and they almost once mixed which one was whose first so they wrote on the tags which pillow is whose (as if it matters when they switch them around so often)

they subconciously know each others scent really well so if the other is nearby then that can usually calm them down/feel safer

They have sleepovers very frequently

Ena usually can’t sleep very well/very long/ has a hard time to. It has to do with the fact she’s constantly on edge. If Airi is around, then she falls asleep very well/quickly  cause she feels the safest with Airi

Airiena love langauges go! :

Ena likes to receive affirmation

Airi likes to receive quality time

Ena gives touch and quality time

Airi gives acts of service and touch (but she will give words of affirmation to Ena, it's just not her default love language)

These two have way more matching items than we know. I’m sure they have matching phone cases even

[the-uraniumverse]

The little guy is here!!

So his name is Fionn ó hÉalaighthe (he went by the anglicised surname 'Healy' once he was in Canada but I just wanted to use his actual name at least once), he's 15, and he's an Irish immigrant. He was told he was going to stay with family in Uranium and when he had landed, no one came to pick him up, so he's just wandering around the place with nothing but what's in his bags. He knew his parents applied to a school there before he left, so he usually sleeps in an unlocked classroom in St. Cassian's.

He ends up with the choir because he was getting bullied by the other students and Mischa scares them off (not intentionally, really, it's just that when you're the youngest in the school everyone's kinda scary, and the fact that Mischa is built like a brick wall doesn't help) and Mischa just accidentally "adopts" Fionn because this kid has no one else to talk to. They bond over being foreigners, and song writing: Mischa with his rap songs as Bad Egg, Fionn with his lyre. Fionn really likes Mischa's music; not because of the music itself, he's not really a rap kinda guy, but because of the feeling behind it. He loves the odd love song or two Mischa wrote for Talia the most.

Mischa ends up bringing Fionn into choir one time cos Fionn didn't want to be alone in the school building any longer than he needed to be, and he sort of gets along with the rest of the choir but kind of lingers in the corner of the room and watches them perform rather than participating himself, as he's too scared to sing in front of other people.

His relationships:

Ocean: He is terrified of her. Not only is she a 12th grader, but she's a bossy one too. He has made eye contact with her a whole one time, and he was shitting himself for the like 2 seconds it lasted.

Noel: They haven't really spoken, but Fionn thinks he is just so cool.

Mischa: Would be scared of him under other circumstances, but Mischa is ready to beat up every other 9th grader on Fionn's behalf, so they're on really good terms. Fionn tends to hide behind Mischa when they're in choir because he just doesn't like being perceived. Because there's over a foot between them, it is a pretty successful hiding spot.

Ricky: Not quite friends, but they're incredibly friendly with each other. Fionn can kind of talk to him, as ASL and ISL have some similarities due to their roots in LSF, and if all else fails the alphabets are almost identical. They both got very excited when they found out their sign names (Ricky - the letter "r" drawing out cat whiskers [at least that's my headcanon for his sign name], and Fionn - drawing cat ears on the top of the head) together make a whole cat.

Penny: She waved at him when he joined the choir for the first time, he waved back. That's the only interaction they've had. He really doesn't know what to make of her.

Constance: Was a little scared of Constance, but she made everyone cookies one time and gave him some, and now they're friends. She's the only person he'll speak to outside of the choir, aside from Mischa.

Other OCs: I don't know much about many of the characters here, so I guess this section will be a work-in-progress, but I do know Sam is also an Irish OC in the Uraniumverse so I definitely want them to be friends.

Also: Fionn's full name is Fionnuala, which is a traditional Irish girl's name. He's a trans dude but because he's in an entirely new place with no one who knows him around, he's 100% stealth (or he would be, if he wasn't so short), it's him and his extremely worn out chest binder against the world.

SILLY DUDE !!

[cheruv-ii]

Lucien's Lore/Timeline Up Until CT

TW//Substance abuse, Parental/Sibling deaths, Transphobia, Ableism, abuse, self destructive thoughts/attempts and Bullying-Please only read ahead if mentally okay to!

Disclaimer!!-Lucien's story does get dark at certain points, as I've stated before, I use OCs to vent about certain things, as well as base parts of them off my own life experiences. No part of his story is meant to be for shock value or "edginess", it all has a purpose. On top of all that, the show is for children, so of course it wouldn't be too dark with its themes, however I did want to delve a little bit more into the after effects of the trauma that would be being one of the campers. If this makes you uncomfortable, please do not read, I don't mind!

Now to it, everything under the cut!

Pre-Camp Cretaceous-

Lucien was born into a family of three, his mother(unnamed), father(Brian), and older brother(Landon, 9 years older than Lucien). The four lived a very normal life, as far as Lucien was aware, Lucien's little sister(Mia) being born when he was 5. Both his father and Mother worked for Jurassic World as scientists. Shortly after Mia's birth, their mother went missing, there was a search for her but she was never found. Unfortunately this cause Landon to fall into a depression that ended up with him hanging out with the wrong type of people, people who taught him that the best way to cope was with drugs.

Everything after that seemed to start on a slow but steady downhill, Lucien's father was a loving man, but he needed to continue to work to keep his family afloat, Landon did try his hardest to keep a stable job despite everything, but as time went on his addiction made it harder to do that, this all left a very young Lucien to do most of the parenting for Mia. This was also around the time Lucien started to realize he was "different", he hated being called a girl, he knew it was 'technically' what he was, he knew his body was that of a girl's, but it all just felt wrong. Despite not knowing what this meant, he was lucky enough to have a supportive family, Landon and Brian referring to him with more GN/Masc terms and pronouns to see how that felt, which as expected, felt right. Brian knew Lucien was trans, he always had a feeling, but at that point in the game, with how young he was, he never really told him what that was, not wanting Lucien to feel like it was something weird that would make him too "different", instead just going along with the terms that made him comfortable until he reached a certain age. The unfortunate part of this however, was that with Lucien entering school it was somewhat- difficult- to explain to children of the early 2000s, on top of his disabilities(both physical and more mental, ie. Autism/selective mutism), with this, kids were quick to judge, and unfortunately he became an outcast in his schools due to bullying.

The three siblings had to move in with their grandparents after their mother disappeared, which was okay at first, as despite their grandmother being strict with them, as well as somewhat.. bigoted- towards Lucien, they did have a loving grandfather. Unfortunately things went south when he passed, his passing causing their grandmother to spiral, her transphobia towards Lucien becoming so much worse. I won't go into detail, but to say the least, Lucien is absolutely terrified of that woman, even as an adult. Sometime around here was when Lucien's grandmother did something absolutely vile, which I once again will not go into detail on, but it ended up with Landon and his friends beating a man that had hurt Lucien, unfortunately for Lucien, this man was one of his bullies' fathers, which caused the bullying to become worse.

Things continued like this until Lucien was 12, which is when Landon unfortunately passed away, this tore Lucien apart, as Landon was his best friend, and on top of that, their father became sick not long after (quite possibly triggered by stress) and was forced to come home on sick leave, which at least got Lucien and Mia out of their grandmother's house and home with their father. Lucien had to become a major caretaker of both his father and Mia while very young and in mourning, causing him to fall into a deep depression, and on top of all that his bullies took Landon's death to fuel their bullying, telling Lucien it was his fault, because of this, Lucien ended up dropping out of public school, getting homeschooled which was luckily funded by JW.

It was all of this that made Brian start to look into the Camp that would be launched in a few years, he knew they'd be looking for campers to give everything a test run, so he used a few of his connections to have Lucien selected as one of said campers. Lucien had always loved dinosaurs, and always wanted to go to JW, but due to his father's work schedule he simply was not able to, so his father thought now that he was home he would finally let Lucien go, even if he couldn't be there with him.

Lucien was unaware of this until mere weeks before he would be leaving for Camp Cretaceous, and while part of him was excited to finally go, it was very quickly drowned out by the worry that his dad and Mia wouldn't be able to take care of themselves while he was gone, but Brian did assure him it would only be for around a week and they would be okay. Unfortunately, that did not happen.

Camp Cretaceous and the Downfall of Jurassic World-

The first person Lucien met at CC was Ben, both of them docking at the same place as they lived close to each other, they ended up talking a bit before the boat arrived, Lucien learning the Ben knew asl which was very helpful considering it was Lucien's main form of communication due to his selective mutism (The nerves and everything of the trip were making it act up, and he would end up not talking verbally until around the 2 month point of being stuck on Nublar)

Lucien ended up clinging to Ben the entire time they were at camp, the same way Ben clung to Kenji. In all honesty, Ben didn't mind it, it was nice having someone that would hold back with him even when the group went forwards, he also could not lie, having someone cling to him for protection definitely made him feel a little cool (especially when that person was so pretty) they ended up growing pretty close, Ben even letting Lucien use his inhaler at some point after his went missing in the chaos (yes, ben did have to coat it in sanitizer after but its the thought that counts). One core moment of being on the island pre-monorail was when, at one point, Ben fell, cutting up his hands pretty bad and getting them dirty. This, plus all the stress, triggered a panic attack on Ben's part, Ben panicking that his hands would get infected due to the dirt and kill him. Lucien, both having struggled with panic attacks, as well as knowing how to dress a wound (his dad worked on the medical team on JW, and shared a lot of his knowledge with Lucien), quickly did what he could, using the bandage wraps and alcohol wipes in Ben's 'dork pouch' to clean him up and dress the wounds, doing his best to help calm him down as well as constantly signing to him "You're okay, I've got you, you're gonna be okay." (Something Landon used to tell him when he would have panic attacks). This acted as one of the first moments Ben realized that he may feel more for Lucien than he had originally thought.

The monorail incident definitely fucked Lucien up hard, having tried to help Darius save Ben but it just- didn't work. Lucien shut down after this, Brooklynn physically having to pull Lucien off with her when they all jumped off the monorail. Lucien ofc wanted to go looking for Ben, which everyone (but Kenji and Sammy) objected to; in hindsight, he understands that it wouldve been stupid to spend time looking for someone who was probably long since dead when they only had a certain amount of time to get to the boat, but at the time this cause Lucien to lose any sense of trust for the group (He wasnt AS mad at Kenji and Sammy, but there was certainly a bit of distain for them not fighting as hard) and he became even more shutaway from them than he had been before.

The month where Ben was missing was horrible for Lucien, and he could not lie, that plus being stuck on the island brought back the suicidal thoughts that he thought he left on the mainland, he never acted on them, but there were a few times while running from dinosaurs he considered just- stopping dead in his tracks, acting as a distraction so the others could get away, but he didn't, always being pulled forward by Sammy or Kenji, he owed his life to him honestky, as much as he hated how egotistical Kenji was or how- weirdly optimistic Sammy was.

Lucien was ecstatic when Ben came back, of course, it was hard to tell through all the sobs, but he is sososo relieved to have Ben back, even if he has- changed. This is the first time Ben hears Lucien's voice, the first time any of the campers hear his voice, and its the first time Lucien says anything verbal, telling Ben "I thought I-..we- lost you-" and Ben would be lying if he said that one second slip up didn't make his heart run laps (HOW did it take them so long to realize they loved each other CHRIST). It took a lil bit to get used to Jungle Man Ben, but it wasn't too hard since Lucien was just relieved to have Ben back, ntm having Ben actually protrcting him at times, even putting him on Bumpy's back whenever they had to walk/run somewhere, not wanting him to trigger a pain flare up, definitely had Lucien questioning if he only liked girls (spoiler, he doesn't, thanks Ben).

He is able to grow more confident once Ben is back, kinda looking up to him and his growth for 'motivation', he's able to start talking with the campers, as well as helping out a bit more. His first major moment where he's able to step up and take some form of control over a situation is when Sammy gets hit by the Scorpios' spines, Lucien has knowledge in venoms and how they act, not only has he been bit by plenty of venomlus things (he does not think before he grabs) but he's also seen his father's studies (some of which did include the secret hybrid). He was able to take watch of Sammy, staying back with Brooklynn and Kenji to keep track of her symptoms, as well as help slow down certain ones. This was definitely the first time him and Yaz ever really spoke to each other (put two closed off ppl in a room, theyre probably gonna sit there in silence until you give up and let them out) Yaz thanking him for helping save Sammy, even hugging him in her emotional state (which very much caught him off guard).

Everything from there was somewhat normal,(Lucien even finding out Ben was also transmasc like him in this time), just them trying to get off the damn island, until Ben dropped the bomb that he didn't want to leave, this all sent Lucien back to the monorail, he knew what it was like to lose Ben, and that was back before they were as close as they were now, he just couldn't do it again. It got to the point where he threatened to stay on the island if Ben was, which Ben absolutely could not let happen, having Kenji physically drag Lucien onto the boat when they left. Ben would be lying if he said Lucien didn't have a big part in why he came back to the boat, yes, all the campers did, and more than anything, realizing he already found himself and didnt need to stay did, but the idea of never seeing Lucien again and letting him deal with losing him again definitely played a huge part in it.

MantahCore and Island 2, electric Boogaloo-(this one may be the shortest because, quite frankly, I forgot half of what happens in s4/5)

The second island is certainly a time for Lucien, the fact that he thought they were finally going home just to end up on another goddamn island sending his mental state crashing all over again, absolutely horrified he was never going to see his family again. The night where theyre all around the campfire is where he's able to break down. Of course at first he doesn't want to, he doesn't want everyone to know how scared he is, but when he doesn't get up to yell with everyone else they all turn their attention to him, trying to get him to join them, and he does- in a sense. At first it starts as just the most bloodcurdling scream, but quickly turns to him venting out all the emotions he's held pent up for the past god knows how many months, yelling about how sick he is of being stuck on random islands and being terrified that by the time he does get home his father is going to be long gone and his sister isnt going to be lost somewhere in the foster system, or worse, with his grandmother. He screams about how guilty he feels leaving his little sister alone, fearing that she's going to lose the only two people she has left. He screams about how he's sick of fearing for his life and not being able to trust anyone, he screams about how he's so sick of not being able to sleep because the RARE times he feels safe enough to actually fall asleep he's riddled with nightmares, whether they be about his own death or the deaths of those he loves. He fully breaks down once its all out, just crumbling completely. Darius is the first to hug him, the part about his dad hitting hard, and it eventually turns into one group hug, which they quite honestly all needed.

After they find Mae, and realize the island is not as it seems, Lucien is able to calm down a tiny bit, he doesn't trust Mae fully, but he can also smell the autism on her which helps a little bit. This is also around when he gets the scar on his face, courtesy of a brad. Mae is able give him the stitches he needs, as well as cleaning and dressing the wound, Ben and Sammy not leaving his side for a second, which is exactly how Ben gets 4 tiny scars on his palm from Lucien digging his nails into his hand while he gets the stitches witjout any form of anesthetic or pain meds.

When Lil Eatie gets injured, Lucien immediately goes into caretaker mode, not caring about his safety and doing whatever he can to make sure she's okay. Of course Mae tries to stop him at first, but once she notices that Lil Eatie has started to trust Lucien, still acting like a literal trex, but also not trying to kill him when he brings her untampered food, she calms down.

Another dino Lucien bonds with on the island is Firecracker, immediately clicking with her and loving her in a similar way to Ben with Bumpy. Everything was fine until he saw Nash controlling her, seeing how scared and in pain she was seemed to flip a switch in him, all his bottled up emotions turning into anger. This is what started him on the path he's on now, where he's willing to do anything to protect dinosaurs.

Anything.

From that point on he just does whatever he can to bring Nash and Daniel down, refusing to let them proceed with controlling dinos and their dino fights for their own enjoyment, or anyone's for that matter. Lowk forgot what happens atp but he helps take them down with the others, joins Ben to get Kenji and Bumpy back, helps with the plan to get Daniel off the island, yeehaw.

And then they're rescued.

Returning to the mainland and aftermath

Lucien is absolutely terrified the whole ride back to mainland.

Everyone else is excited, happy to go back to their families (except Kenji), and Lucien is alone, not even sure if his father is alive, if his sister is okay, if he has a family to go home to. Ben does try and cheer him up, reassure him that his dad is okay and everything will work out, but ofc, Lucien is too afraid to really listen.

When they return to the mainland, his father isn't there. Everyone's parents are there to reunite with them, and Lucien is alone, hell, even Kenji gets invited into the Bowman family hug. This does cause panic on Lucien's end, but Ben quickly takes notice, introducing Lucien to his mom and asking if Lucien can try calling his dad with her phone. She ofc says yes, recognizing Lucien as one of her coworker's kids, and Lucien is able to call his father, who is alive, but in the hospital as his health has deteriorated due to Lucien being assumed dead.

Ms.Pincus ends up giving Lucien a ride to the hospital, as it's very close to Ben's home anyways, Lucien sees his dad and sister again, breaks down, introduces Ben to his family, all is well.

Lucien and Ben continue to see each other nearly daily, Ben visiting him and his family in the hospital whenever he can, as thats literally where Lucien and his sister live now.

Everything is okay for just under a year, then Lucien's father passes.

Lucien is a mess after his father's death, his mental health completely deteriorating now that his father is gone. He blames himself for his death, wondering if he never went to that camp, never caused him so much stress, that he'd still be here, but its too late, he went and his father is gone.

Luckily enough for Lucien and Mia, Ms.Pincus did make arrangements with Lucien's father to take Lu and his sister, as his father did NOT want them ended up with their grandmother or in the foster care system. Thankfully for them Ms.Pincus had always been interested in adopting, as Ben's birth took a toll on her health, but she was afraid that whoever she adopted could hurt Ben, so taking in two kids who she knew loved her boy and would never hurt him was easy.

(TW FROM THIS POINT ON FOR DRUG ADDICTION)

Lucien resorts to using after his father is gone, it's the only thing that can keep him from feeling so many emotions, from thinking about the what ifs and the fact that his father is dead. It keeps him numb. This is what leads him to his current place of work, the sanctuary kept him in check, not allowing drugs and keeping him busy, keeping him distracted. Was it the most safe? No, but neither was using.

It doesn't help that he and Ben get into an argument soon after he starts using, Ben getting mad at him for clinging onto him so hard and ending the argument with "Sometimes I wish you never moved in!"

This is when he disappears for 18 months, yes he lets everyone know he's leaving, but him going no contact definitely scares people, especially Ben. This is what leads to Ben going to the island with Mae, as he cannot handle going home to a house without Lucien.

Post leave of Absence, Pre CT, The birth of Luciben

Lucien comes back after 18 months, finally feeling okay enough to see those he loves again, ntm he misses them like crazy. Ben is relieved to see him but god is he pissed, pissed that Lucien just up and left him and Mia behind, pissed that he did nothing to let them know if he was okay, or even ALIVE. Ben doesn't know WHY he left though, and that does cause arguments, Ben nearly breaking down when Lucien tells him why he left. The fact that his words were the final straw makes him feel so guilty, the fact that he made Lucien feel that way when he was already going through so much absolutely tears him apart.

The n7 aren't as close anymore once Lucien comes back, and it takes a lot of getting used to, Lucien even trying to get them together only to be shot down nearly everytime, so he just- gives up. Ben notices that Lucien stops asking tk hang out, and while he was one of the ones guilty for shooting down plans, it does worry him that Lucien just stopped asking. Ben tries asking to hang out only to be shot down himself, leading to an argument where Lucien breaks down and admits he feels like he doesn't belong here anymore, and that he almost regrets coming back because it feels like no one wants him around anyways. This breaks Ben's heart as he was part of the people shooting him down. From this point on Ben makes it his mission to make plans whenever he can, trying desperately hard to get everyone back together at least once for Lucien's sake.

Luckily Brooklynn does come around, she travels the most and she's felt that loneliness before, so she does what she can to visit Ben and Lucien whenever she can, which is when Lucien starts bleaching his hair with her help, making it somewhat of a tradition that whenever she comes around they redo his roots.

Things start to get better, Ben and Lucien hanging out like they used to, this however brings up buried feelings for each other, and a few months after Lucien comes back, right before Ben's about to go to uni, Ben confesses that he loves Lucien, and ofc Lucien returns those feelings and bam, gay rights.

Everything is good for a while, Lucien and Ben are happy together (minus the fact that Ben is still in the closet so no one knows about them), and eventually Brooklynn finds out about them (its kinda hard to make an excuse for why you were caught locking lips with your "homie") and she's super supportive, leading to their lil "BBL" friend group.

This just makes Brooklynn's death so much worse.

Lucien relapses after Brooklynn is pronounced dead, even showing up at her funeral high (he couldn't do it otherwise), this causes issues of course, it getting to the point where Ben doesn't feel okay leaving Lucien alone, leaving uni in order to be with him constantly, afraid he's going to do something stupid. Not long after he gets the messages on dark jurassic, leading to him and Lucien lacking up and heading out to get the others, leading to the events of Chaos Theory.

Really quick CT rundown go read Secret for more details

Tl;dr, Ben fucks up by saying he has a gf instead of coming out, the events of Secret happen, Lucien goes with Kenji and Darius, they find out that Lucien also left messages for Brooklynn when he relapsed, he breaks down, Kenji and Darius help him calm down, then the rest of Secret happens abd they get on the boat, yeehaw.

This ended up being lowkey poorly written near the end cause I just wanted to get it out, but I will most likely be releasing more detailed fics to kinda give insight on the parts where it feels like there are missing details. I just need to finally lost this cause its been in my drafts for a month LMAO

[calpalsworld]

I just realized Im over 6 months on T...!!!

My genuine review of T for others who may be considering or just interested in the topic.

Keep in mind that everyone will have different results on T. For me I am on a small dose because my T levels were already high to begin with.

Reasons why I went on T:

Was living out publicly as non binary but I would still feel upset when strangers would misgender me.

Had been wishing that I was more masc body wise and voice wise since at least high school.

Didn't have intense dysphoria but I felt very neutral about my body. It felt strange and like it wasn't progressing how I imagined it would. I had certain features that pissed me off, which I knew T would change.

Dysphoria was triggered in public interactions and when I had to acknowledge my body by myself. I felt like strangers weren't seeing me as me, and felt that I wasn't experiencing my body in the way I wanted to.

Pros:

Everything!!!

Voice that surprises me with how deep it is sometimes. When I lean back against a chair and speak I can feel my diaphragm rumble.

Menstruation stopped almost immediately.

(May be TMI but this is a major thing yet the only thing that I did not know was going to happen before starting). Rapid and significant genital changes. Psychologically helpful for me.

Hairier arms, stomach, and thighs.

Stomach fat and face fat increase. (potentially boob and thigh fat decrease but it may be placebo or just in contrast).

More facial fuzz.

Slightly veinier hands.

Slightly thicker/more muscular arms.

Looking at myself and seeing someone who looks good and confident and masc/butch and feeling great about it. Sometimes I look at myself in the reflections of building windows and get excited.

Being able to discuss T with other friends who are on T.

People misgender me as he/him and a man (Im non binary and go by they/them) more often than misgendering me as she/her and a woman now. This is still not ideal but it bugs me less.

Random queer strangers asking "are you on T!?" and being excited.

Knowing I dont have to live my life as a lie.

Cons:

My pre existing erotophobia (I'm triggered and obsessive over certain things relating to sex) has been activated as I experience new things.

My pre existing paranoia being rebranded into a trans related experience (I worry sometimes people are stalking me and planning to kill me for the slightest things I do wrong, now I worry that its because Im trans). This will go away once I work through my mental illness and internalized bigotry.

Voice hurt when the changes started (like a sore throat for a few weeks as if I was sick).

I cant do a lot of funny voices that I liked doing anymore, but I can do new voices.

New and strange sensations in genital area, during the first few weeks it was very painful (I have Pelvic Floor Dysfunction and Vaginismus so this may not be a universal experience).

Became slightly stinkier and oilier when I started, but it seems to have gone away.

I'm non binary and I still feel connected to women and I get anxious that people won't be able to comprehend that. (examples: others might not like me calling myself "butch" or sharing my experiences with womanhood). But this is internal rather than reflective of anything I've experienced. This may be entirely in my head.

Family awkwardness. Family members assuming crazy stories about how I feel. (generic things like: thinking i hate myself and am scared of men so i want to turn myself into a man?!?!😭😭😭). But friends and others do not assume these things.

(TMI but true) Thick buttcrack hair is annoying.

Future thoughts:

I feel very fortunate that my experience with T is going very well.

I know the best parts of T takes time and patience to become apparent so I am excited that I started at 21.

I am proud of achieving what I thought might only be a fantasy, and I hope I can have access to T for the rest of my life.

[caddyheron]

An In-depth about Damian Hubbard

So to preface, this is a mash of bway and 2024 canon, but I'm sure a bunch can be generalised to 2004 too? It goes into 2024 specifics but you can generalise if you'd like! There's also mentions of self harm & suicide in relation to Janis but there's an explicit bold warning before so please skip that if you would prefer!

It's long down here. So long. A little rambly. And if anyone has any questions/comments/ideas etc, feel free to imbox me!! I do indeed have more thoughts.

To begin with, he is a very autumn birthday to me, basing off 2024 canon, he was born 18/10/06. [Also some AU to me he is trans and came out quite young, I’d say around 11ish? He started to socially transition right before middle school started, so he began middle school in the school system as a guy. His mom and Janis were super supportive of him and his mom helped him pick his name and was so proud of him.] & He didn’t actually need to come out as gay because his mom just knew his whole life so when he started talking about the guys he saw in his English class, his mom never made it a big deal or anything that it wasn’t. He was just Damian. On the other hand, his father was a very, very absent figure from his life, sort of in and out until he was about 9 and then he just fully left. Damian ties to keep up the fun and flamboyant persona, but this really fucked with his self esteem and sense of self as a person. He struggles with getting very, very attached to people and separating himself and his identity with Theirs while still trying to keep up the “gay best friend” that people expect him to be. He knows he has to water himself down, make himself fun and dimensionless. Janis, who he’s known literally forever to me, has some idea of how much he waters himself down, but he even tries to be “palatable” for Janis, as much as he doesn’t necessarily want to hide the fact he experiences human feelings too, it’s just an automatic reaction that’s been deeply ingrained into him his whole life. They’ve been in the same elementary, middle and high school their whole life and definitely felt isolated for being the only BIPOC kids in their elementary class and in such a predominantly white area [looked up the Evanston population of POC and it’s such a very white are], and then the isolation continued because now they were BIPOC queer kids. 

Other than his father leaving, Damian’s childhood was so… normal. He and Janis spent so much time together, they had sleepovers, went to amusement parks, and then sort of by fourth grade, they both became good friends with Regina, Gretchen and Karen. I think Janis was friends with them before, but it became a group of five sort of but I do feel like Damian was always kinda on the outside to all of them and it sort of got Janis pulled away. He wasn’t a lonely kid, but he wasn’t… not a lonely kid, he just always felt out of place unless he was with Janis, despite the fact I think he got on with everyone because from so young because he learnt to be less than he was. Always right in the middle but always on the outside.

In middle school, the whole thing with Janis and Regina went down and he became deeply protective of Janis, beyond how he was before. Right afterwards, I think that (tw self harm) Janis started self harming, I think it was before she was kicked out of school too. Damian found out because he invited her to a sleepover to try and get her mind off everything, but she just… forgot not to wear long sleeves and he saw. He reacted well because it’s Damian, obviously he reacted well, he couldn’t let her see the panic he was feeling. They both sort of locked eyes for a moment and Janis tried to cover it but she couldn’t and Damian didn’t want to make a big deal out of it so he just… offered her a sweater, hugged her and never brought it up again. Given that he only talked about it if Janis did, it sort of fucked with him because he was so worried about her. He was always so worried about Janis but if he brought it up, he’d cry. Then, after she couldn’t go back to school anymore (tw suicide) I headcanon she attempted the night after the Bunsen Burner incident and I’m half between she told Damian and she didn’t. I’m leaning towards it being a heated, terrified, depressed and angry spur of the moment decision where she didn’t tell… anyone. Her mom found her and ended up phoning Damian’s mom and that's how he found out - this is another thing that is there in their friendship they don’t talk about. He spent the whole night downstairs with his mom trying to act like it was fine and okay just in case. It was neither and doesn’t have the words to explain just how terrifying that night was and how much more protective he became of Janis. He is constantly worried that he’s being overbearing and too much, so he’s desperately trying to be a middle ground. This isn’t to say he doesn’t have so much fun with Janis frequently, but he’s also extremely worried about her pretty much all the time. 

I also see that once Janis left school, Damian was subject to all the redirected bullying that they couldn’t give to Janis anymore. Pretty much any type and he doesn’t really stand up for himself and he doesn’t tell Janis this… ever. Because between being bullied at school, he also feels like he’s responsible to check in with Janis all the time and essentially keep her alive. He is 12 and it feels like it’s all on him because he just loves and cares about Janis so much. Every year around the anniversary date of the Bunsen Burner / space dyke (depending on the canon you wanna read this) Janis’ mental health takes a really sharp and sudden dip and Damian starts to get extremely anxious. He has to text her and make sure she’s alive and okay if she isn’t at school, he is constantly checking in and arranging plans, which he pushes as just a way to keep her distracted because he can’t explain the gnawing terror and worry he feels. Damian has this caretaking role towards Janis and he doesn’t really know how to be anything else other than funny and loving and helpful - he can’t be too much and feel his own set of worries, but he can’t be so little that he doesn’t help in any way.

I often think about perhaps the first time that he freaks out in front of Janis. He’s tried to calm himself down and it’s getting closer to the next class and Janis never arrived in this class and he has to find her because what if something happened. Turns out, she was just someone else / doing a test / making up a class, but the second he sees her, he just breaks. He can’t hold himself together anymore and Janis is almost. Confused. He’s Damian - he’s funny and he’s loving and he’s kind and … he doesn’t cry like this. It then sort of hits her just how much he must have suppressed down and kept away for her benefit? Their relationship is one that’s built on knowing everything about each other but yet, knowing so little.