#i know most of my followers arent even homestuck but i had to get this off my chest

[yarrayora]

end of the year book stuff tagged by @carriagelamp

How many books did you read this year?

does comic books count? if yes then i didn't count, if no then i'm pretty sure just two (but comics should absolutely count btw)

Did you reread anything? What?

i always reread servamp all the time so i can write Essays. also i reread katekyo hitman reborn for nostalgia and crossover reasons. TECHNICALLY i reread dante's inferno even though i never finished it because i'm not used to classic so i have to repeat the paragraphs before Getting it

What were your top five books of the year?

GIDEON THE NINTH!!! also Superman Smashes the Klan. the rest of the top 5 is servamp, unfortunately

Did you discover any new authors that you love this year?

if i have never read tamsyn muir's homestuck fic before then it would have been her, but because i have that means she's an old fave-- oH i guess ryohgo narita counts? i knew he wrote durarara but i never truly managed to appreciate his writing until i read dead mount deathplay

What genre did you read the most of?

fantasy, duh

Was there anything you meant to read, but never got to?

too like a lightning by ada palmer. i keep forgetting i already have an e-book of it

What was your average Goodreads rating? Does it seem accurate?

i dont use goodreads thumbs up emoji

Did you meet any of your reading goals? Which ones?

yeah, finally reading original novels again. im trying to beat my ADHD so i can devour books the way i did during childhood

Did you get into any new genres?

new genre huh uhhhh... no. i know what i like

What was your favorite new release of the year?

i don't follow new release i just browse the bookstores and hope something speaks to me

What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

gideon the ninth

Any books that disappointed you?

i dropped a lot of books and nothing this year has disappointed me enough for me to remember their titles

What were your least favorite books of the year?

bungou stray dogs look the light novels are still REALLY well written. i also appreciate how beautiful the translation can be. but the canon storyline fucking sucks. it betrays its theme when it comes to handling abusers by making this little girl who gets physically abused by her dad as a form of discipline to look up to him as a hero because dad's a cop

What books do you want to finish before the year is over?

i don't care about something like that

Did you read any books that were nominated for or won awards this year (Booker, Women’s Prize, National Book Award, Pulitzer, Hugo, etc.)? What did you think of them?

i don't follow book awards either

What is the most over-hyped book you read this year?

i tried reading blue lock and it's the worst sports manga i have ever read. i can't get over how stupid the premise is. soccer is a team sport you idiot (note that this book didnt disappoint me because i never had any expectations for it in the first place)

Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

oh yeah JK Haru is a Sex Worker in Another World. I went into it expecting a cheap smutty story but turns out it's a pretty feminist narrative about sex workers and how no matter talented a woman is as long as the environment around her is aggressively and violently patriarchal those talents that would make men a hero would make women accused as demons-- but that's okay because you don't need the power to slay an entire army to change the world. sometimes, eating at a cafe in a world where women arent allowed to go outside without a chaperone is more revolutionary than magic that can burn a horde of monsters into cinders

How many books did you buy?

more than five

Did you use your library?

there is no usable library around me

What was your most anticipated release? Did it meet your expectations?

i dont follow new release remember

Did you participate in or watch any booklr, booktube, or book twitter drama?

oh yeh i watch them from the sideline with popcorn and all, thats crazy

What’s the longest book you read?

dante's inferno

What’s the fastest time it took you to read a book?

back when i was a kid i read three pjo books in one day. i don't do that anymore

Did you DNF anything? Why?

i read reeeeeeally slow now so it's less not finishing and more like taking long breaks inbetween

What reading goals do you have for next year?

finish gideon the ninth so i can read the next one

[hermitcrabofficial]

i feel like people either forget or ignore the fact that the epilogue is actually fanfiction

heres my hot and probably unsuprising take on this whole situation

i can understand that being deprived of "canon content" has people come to the conclusion that whatever just happened in the epilogue holds such a significant meaning that everyone practically considers it canon, but at the same time are completely outraged or in denial about the things that happened the way they did?

like. the ao3 formatting shouldve been a dead giveaway but i guess i can see where people are coming from, considering most of the diehard homestuck fans have been residing in ao3 after the end of homestuck and mightve probably formed some sort of muscle memory by not reading the tags and just going after any kind of new homestuck content like a. content deprived person

and the fact that this particular fanfiction has been written and endorsed by andrew hussie by posting this on the main website makes people come to the conclusion that this particular fanfiction holds more authentic and canon relevance and is in fact, a part of the overarching canon of homestuck

(not in the way as being "outside canon" like rose had explained, but rather in a way that this epilogue specifically attaches to the homestuck comic in a bigger sense than hiveswap does)

for example people are getting outraged by janes behaviour like shes acting completely out of character, and then theres people posting canon evidence explaining the reasoning behind janes apparent fascism (she literally grew up being brainwashed and controlled by hic her entire life)

people were hoping to see their favourite characters living happily ever after but homestuck has never been about that literally show me one scene where a character is completely alive and happy and is surrounded by their friends in a peaceful and harmless setting and are living happily ever after

that kind of scenario only exists in fanfiction and you know it

and the fact that the epilogue is basically an amalgamation of trying to set a happy ending with the endless fatal experience that is homestuck that leaves a lot of people utterly enraged and unsatisfied just goes to show that nothing makes sense at all, neither in a canon sense nor in a fanon sense

and really, it shouldnt make sense because thats literally what it is. a fanfic written by the author of the original material, trying to live up to his fandoms expectations by mixing the content the fans want to see with the content that happens canonically with both direction of the fans and the author and the content that the author has been trying to write all this time

but since even the author has been killed in canon, he never had any real influence beyond that point anymore, save for continuing the content through the character currently sitting in the metaphorical narration chair

within that character there also resides a clash between the fandoms view and the authors view of the character etc etc

and this just goes on and on and nobody is happy and the least thing hussie can do is setting this epilogue up in a way so that he can continue his story at a later date all while leaving the fandom the choice of accepting the epilogue to their canon

tldr: all im saying is that this epilogue was never intended to be hard 100% canon and hussie is leaving yall the option whether you want to accept this as your canon or not. homestuck has had so many narrative changes-

(in the sense of different characters assuming the narration and the change from forum-based command input to hussie assuming full control to hussie complying with what the fandom wants)

-over the past decade that it is pretty much impossible to write a coherent story in one unified direction with multiple characters with wildly differimg backgrounds and personalities, some of which have broken out of the narrative control of the author and are rebelling through a metatextual level

even more tldr: theres just. so much shit going on the characters have literal narrative freedom and are basically growing in the epilogue like plants in the soil that consists of their respective canon background, unhinged and uncontrolled outside the confines of their canon clay pot into the wild and vast space that is outside canon. what yall want are the seeds, the roots, the essence of the characters as you know them but the characters are growing indefinitely and uncontrollably by their own volition at this point and all you can do is watch then grow and like. cut some parts of the plant that you dont like. but you cant make the existing plant look like its roots.

[shjiyemis]

Do you have any thoughts on clown church/purpleblood religion it's my favorite aspect of homestuck and I always like seeing how other people interpret it. I mostly have been thinking about how it changes on earth C from alternia, but alternian clown church is also cool

I HAVE SO MANY FUCKING THOUGHTS DUDE

Like I literally hate how its interpretted bc its literally taking a bunch voudo inspo and using ICP lingo and more inspo from another musical artist/band that my friend pointed out a while ago to me and I cant remember but MY GOD

A lot of the stuff they were using in the clown church religion really felt like they looked up small bits of vodou and used some stuff they already know and are probs more stereotypes then fact and demonized tf out of it RTYVGBUHJNKM GOD IM IN HATE

My thought process of clown religion is that we dont get much, and i do not believe its a not to be spoken of cult, That doenst really makes sense to me i guess bc these bitches are literally wearing their face paint out in the open, theres no fucking way tbh LOL. At most to me its literally a closed off religion in homestuck. Plus its literally normal to murder on Alternia too so like PLEASE??????

Ok NOW I am going to actually talk about how I see it and stop complaining about how its seen DERFTYGUHI

I see the the clown church as definitely something we dont get much talk about in the OG homestuck so ive basically written into it a LOT and I honestly dont really look at hiveswap or friendsim for refs bc these ppl are fucking making me crazy bc they kinda are TRYING to demonize Gamzee so they demonize the purples and the clown religion in general

Since we're reading the comic and if you think about it, we are reading this religion from an empire that is being manipulated by its dictator (The Condensce) and that dictator is also being manipulated somewhat by someone behind the scenes (Lord English). We already know that the religions messiahs are supposedly Lord English and Doc Scratch

But I dont even think thats the case!! Because The more I think about it, dont even think it makes much sense for them to be literal messiahs/gods bc it really feels like a goddamn joke bc neither of them can exist at all without the game!!

SO I specifically believe that Doc Scratch and/or Lord English had requested some kind of hierarchy and she manipulated the religion overtime and now Doc Scratch and/or Lord English are literally WORSHIPPED and then the whole warped version of the religion was impliemented so hard for so long that the religion cant be seen as anything else on Alternia other then a sacrifical cult that aims to deduce the lowblood population!!

--------------------------------

Here are some things I have written for it before it became deduced that in the OG:

-The actual name of the clown church religion is called "The Dark Spiral"

-There are more messiahs and also gods that can be worshipped within the The Dark Spiral but the main ones are Mirth and Rage (Who are NOT Doc Scratch and/or Lord English)

-The Dark Spiral is a closed off religion (with exceptions after a long process)

-The Dark Spiral has many public units where they can give thanks/pray (That are basically temple type settings) but those are not the actual places of worship. The locations of the places of worship are unknown to anyone who arent followers of The Dark Spiral. There are specific passages/trails one must take and going any other way may kill them.

-Places of worship are large open spaces that are well hidden and are secluded. They can be either underground, in a LARGE SECLUDED areas away from civilization, or within caves or mountains

-Ritual sacrifices for either Mirth or Rage are usually large animals that are usually cared for and loved. Troll sacrifices for Mirth are minimal and only true followers that volunteer can be sacrifices. A person who is unwilling to be a sacrifice does not bring good luck from Mirth. A sacrifice specific for Rage is also minimal and usually a troll who commits a crime towards the The Dark Spiral or someone within The Dark Spiral who is believed to be truly despicable.

-Special Stardust is made of Lusus bones, A special mineral only known to Alternia (it shines like a rainbow and when grinded up for the stardust its definitely gives a glittery look), and ashes of loved ones (which can be anything not just trolls).

-Special Stardust is mixed into their face paint sometimes on special occasions like a festival or celebration of some kind having to do with the faith.

-Followers of The Dark Spiral pray with the tips of their fingers on their chin or cheeks with their face looking up with their eyes closed specifically when they are tanking the Messiahs or Gods that they may specifically worship within the faith. They pray like most when it's a general prayer of good luck. They also do very quick prayers of luck by honking their nose twice (similar to how some may form a cross on their chest)

-There are most definitely different branches of belief in The Dark Spiral but the main and most popular depiction of The Dark Spiral is the one I am talking about now.

And of course all of this might've been erased and warped thanks to The Condensce and other trolls who may have been dedicated to her or misguided followers. (Not saying canonically but saying that's literally what mightve happen with my specific interpretation of the clown church AKA The Dark Spiral)

[bananonbinary]

Serious question: should I get into hiveswap?

If so, how do you recommend?

honestly? i dunno man. it’s my Biggest Special Interest, but it’s.....a really annoying investment for not a ton of payoff for most people i think.

the actual Content is pretty short; we now have act 1, hiveswap: friendsim, and act 2, which probably totals to about....maybe 24 hours? a bit longer, depending on how thorough you are?

and it’s good content! friendsim gave us a ton of really fun and unique character dynamics and a delightful and kind of mind-bending meta plot, and the main games have a lot of good emotional threads about abusive relationships and finding actually good friends, oppression and class warfare, and figuring out you’re gay when you’re a 90s kid who doesn’t know gay people exist. and that’s just in the first two episodes we have currently! the background art is also genuinely gorgeous, theres loads of interesting flavor text, and the soundtrack is a lot of fun! and while it’s a spin-off of homestuck, i don’t THINK it relies on that for worldbuilding too much. it’s hard for me to say since i DID read homestuck first, but it does explain everything pretty well i think.

but. its a game? series? whatever. thats been in development hell for 8 years now, and the core team working on it has been completely replaced like 3 times over the course of that. there’s often like 8 month periods without any new content or even a quick “hey we’re still working on it.” part of me wants to say “wait until all the installments are out before getting into it,” but who fucking knows when that’ll be. probably several more years at least.

so would i recommend it? only if you’re the type of person who wouldn’t get incredibly frustrated following a really good fanfic that sometimes has like, 2 years between updates with no fucking warning. or if you thought bbc’s sherlock had a totally fine and not infuriating release schedule.

as for how to get into it, it’s pretty linear. like i said, you shouldn’t have to read homestuck since it’s all new characters and story (more or less). you only REALLY need to play hiveswap act 1 and act 2, but you really should play all the hiveswap: friendsim volumes before playing act 2. (they arent TECHNICALLY canon since it’s a “friendship simulator” and the main character is...you? sort of? its complicated. the point is it’s all very meta and silly, but the actual characterization IS more or less canon. like extended universe type stuff.)

oh yea, and if you do decide to give it a go, read the fucking content warnings on the friendsim. there’s a LOT of dark comedy and generally fucked up stuff going on.

[snowinglilys]

(( Do all the salty asks :P

put ‘em up and fight me!

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

I really really rarely instant unfollow but probably to much drama oocly??

♥ What’s the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

-3- not including anything ooc based, probably when my muse got broke up with over having a little crusheven tho his boyfriend was allowed to have 2 other boyfriends as well as flirt with another person but mine wasnt allowed to hardly talk to anyone he had even slight feelings for, like it was litterally out of the blue, no ooc talk and then the muse got really gultrippy over it trying to win them back only to call them just like their abusive brother when my muse snapped at them (first thing i thought of)

♦ What was a mildly annoying thing that has happened to you rp wise?

Muse getting threatened over a crush

♢ Has anyone ever tried to steal your blog? Your headcanons? Icons? All that jazz

Once, like it wasnt something small it was litterally the whole base of my muse including his world and backstory

♚ How many people don’t like you?

>^> like probably 4 people that i know of bc they got mad at me over ic stuff

⚜ How many people do you not like?

only a couple but i dont follow any of their blogs so dw 

✮ Have you managed to stay away from drama?

For the most part ye

☄ Have you ever been in the middle of drama?

yup

☯ Have you ever tried to bring peace to a situation?

Yes! it ended badly

☼ How long do you stay mad?

a couple hours then i just get sad

☀ What’s your rp pet peeve?

i have quite a few tbh, i dont wanna list them all

☁ Have you ever forgiven a partner when you shouldn’t have?

Way to many times which lead to alotta problems for myself and a couple friends

☂ Have you ever been forgiven when you knew you shouldn’t have been?

probably tbh

☢ What fads/trends are you so over?

i donno tbh i dont really pay attention to them

☣ Have you ever rp’d with someone you knew for a fact was abusive but tried to give them a chance/to make up your own opinion on the roleplayer? Did they change or did you understand what people were talking about?

yes, i shoulda listened the the others they refused to change and just blamed me for everything

♨ Have you ever made a public call out post?

nope and most likely never will 

❀ What has made you completely lose your chill?

People ignoring that when i plot and even ask them to keep it between us they throw it and get everyone involved. Unless i say its okay to get others involved, i dont want it between anyone but us

✿ What do you think about public call out posts?

nooooooo, the person you called out can be affected for a really long time and what if its not even truthful? what if they just got mad about something and chose to lie about the person to damage their reputation? you donno, i dont support call outs like that

✂ A fandom that you feel isn’t open and accepting?

Homestuck, unless youve been in it for a really long time, they arent very open and accepting, theres so much hate going around about how people play their own muse its, bleh

✉ A fandom that you feel is open and accepting?

Servamp and KHR! they’re really nice ;3;

✦ Thoughts on duplicates following you?

Bring them to meee, i will love them allll

✧ Do you agree with reblog karma or is it forced interaction?

i dont do it myself but if people choose to, more power to them, its their blog they should get to choose if they want reblog karma or not without anyone getting mad

❥ Has someone ever ruined an FC or character for you?

yeah, i cant rp with Kankri from homestuck anymore, they were completely ruined for me and just make me nervous

❦ Has someone been jealous of you?

i donno

❧ Have you ever been jealous of anyone?

couple times!

✖ How has Tumblr RP changed since you started?

its a lot more formal, i remember when no one used icons or pretty text not that its a bad thing i enjoy using icons

♒ Thoughts on the fandom you’re currently rping in?

its really small but really good tbh! nice muns all around! very friendly

❣ How salty are you feeling right now?

like 1%

[blatherkatt]

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Intermission 1 

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Mentioned/implied abuse; Pesterlogs, No seriously this entire chapter is just logs, swear the next chapters at least a third finished but in the meantime this bit got way out of hand so here 

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

— excerpt of chatlog from group chat “assholes anonymous” 6/13/2015 —

GG: And I’m afraid that’s all Roxy and I know. She got a call from Terezi yesterday saying that she would need to wait a few days before coming down to visit again.

GT: Holy toledo! Christ on a cracker i really picked a bad time to study abroad didnt i. So much happened while i was gone!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is online! —

GT: I feel like a right fool for not checking my messages from anyone while i was away but i was just so overwhelmed by how many there were and so tired out from being in another country and all.

GT: Oh!

TG: DIRK

TG: motherfucker tell me whats goin on!!!!

GG: There you are! Is everything alright?

TT: Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine, give me a minute.

TT: Well. No. That’s wrong.

TT: Everything’s pretty much gone to shit, but everyone’s alive, somehow, and for the time being things have cooled the fuck off.

TG: aaaaaah now im even more scared what happened?!!

GT: Er its good to be back but the girls have been filling me in on whats played out in my absence and im afraid im on roxys side here what in the devilfucking dickens is going on exactly?

GG: Thirded!

TT: I take it you didn’t get around to reading the messages I sent you then, Jake?

TT: Which is fine. I kind of figured. Whatever.

TT: Short version: There was an attempt to reclaim Dave by some of the old man’s lackeys.

TT: An attempt which Dave knew about well in advance.

TG: oh shit

TG: oh shit dave nooooo D:

GG: Oh, goodness.

TT: I caught him having a panic attack in the kitchen, during the middle of the night on the twelfth. He managed to tell me essentially that we had four hours to prepare, and then we’d be under attack.

TT: He was planning on going with the quietly, apparently, but changed his mind at the last minute, I guess.

TT: Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he told us, but…Ugh.

TT: It seemed like he was starting to get a little better, finally, and then this huge fucking setback hits.

TT: It’s frustrating.

GT: I’ll say it is! Gosh dirk im so sorry i missed so much of the leadup to this.

GT: Getting the poor boy back after ten years only for him to be such a mess and to finally get somewhere only to lose so much progress…

TG: aaaaaaaugh

TG: i mean is it really a setback though? he still told you!

TG: ive been having the hardest time getting him to talk about anything that happened to him and i think he n i get on pretty well

TG: he still chose to stay with us!

TT: Yeah, and it only took him two fucking months to do so. I don’t even know if he made that choice because he actually wants to be here.

TT: It’s more like he just decided we’re the lesser of two evils.

GG: Well, that’s better than nothing, right?

TT: Ha.

TT: Sure, I guess. Pardon me if I’m not thrilled, though.

TG: diiiiiirk

TG: dirk chill out a little like i get it but seriously!

TG: trust me dave doesnt want to be mean to anybody

TT: Of course he doesn’t.

TT: I’m not mad at Dave at all, don’t get me wrong.

TT: This is my fault.

GT: Now wait just a moment there strider!

GG: How on Earth is any of this your fault? It sounds to me like you made the best of a bad situation! Dave’s the only one who knew about this!

TT: It all goes back to that first meeting at the police station.

TT: I set the precedent. Made everything a him-versus-us, with Karkat his only ally.

TT: He doesn’t trust us because I somehow said exactly the wrong thing to him back in that interrogation room.

TG: im sure thats not it

TG: dirk hes not one to hold a grudge like you and rose are theres gotta be another reason

TT: I’d be happy to hear it, then, because I’m fucking clueless.

TT: Of all the problems I’ve tried to solve, my own fucking brother is proving the most enigmatic.

TT: He’s the fucking labyrinth at Crete, and I don’t have nearly enough fucking yarn to get through this.

TT: And apparently I’m a fucking outlier in that respect. Roxy’s figured Dave out, the fucking aliens get along with him fine, and apparently even Rose made up with him while my back was turned, because he’s been following her around all day, even though she ripped into him yesterday over Kanaya.

TT: Who, by the way, is a fucking vampire now. I feel like I’m losing brain cells just writing that, but there it is.

TT: I’m sharing the house with a literal alien vampire. I’m officially one of the side characters in my aunt’s trashy books.

TG: dirk dude im telling you dave isnt as complicated as you keep making him out to be!

TG: hes not a puzzle that needs to be solved hes just a scared kid!

TT: Why is he still scared, then? Why?

TT: I believe you, but how do I make him be not scared?

TT: Why the fuck can’t I understand my own brother!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is offline —

GG: Oh no.

GT: Jesus jumping jehosaphat!

— timaeusTestified [TT] is online —

TT: Sorry.

TT: Got a little too worked up, hit my desk hard enough that something came unplugged.

TG: dirk

TG: dirk.

TG: holy shit.

TT: I’m, uh, also sorry that I actually hit enter on those last few posts. That was kind of shitty. I’ll get a lid on it.

GT: You gave us all quite a fright there!

GG: I’ll say.

GG: You shouldn’t feel bad, though! I for one am glad you were honest!

GG: Maybe we can all figure out something! If Rose got things sorted out after the rocky start you mentioned, then I’m sure you can, too!

TG: have you tried talkin to him yet

TT: Oh, yeah, because talking to him went so well last time.

TT: Look, I appreciate the advice. But at this point,

TT: I’m pretty much prepared to just accept that he wants nothing to do with me.

TT: Can’t really blame him. I look like the old man. Probably set off enough bad memories that I’m just going to scare him worse.

TT: I’ll just stay out of his way as best I can.

TG: dirk that is literally the exact opposite of what you should be doing

GT: Well i dont know roxy it might work out better that way.

GT: Give the lad his space and let him settle in on his own time!

GT: Let the air clear a bit before trying anything you know?

TG: jake trust me dave needs a lot of really explicit verbal reassurance

TG: he is the scaredest fucking kid you can imagine okay

TG: he apologizes for things that arent even things that should be apologized for

TG: and says hes sorry again even after you tell him hes done nothing wrong just to be extra sure

TG: and he wont do anything unless you specifically tell him hes allowed

TG: and even then hes super cautious about it

GG: Gosh…

TT: Exactly.

TT: If he’s that scared, me forcing him into a conversation is only going to make things worse. It’s not going to be a productive talk if he’s completely shut down.

TT: I’ll figure it out, alright? Just.

TT: I need to rethink things, maybe. Slow down a little.

TT: It’s just a setback. We’ll recover.

TG: uuuuugh

TG: this whole things such a mess :(

TG: let me know when im allowed to come over and hug on him again will you?

TT: Sure thing.

TG: hug him yourself in the meantime!

TT: Probably not a great idea, Rox.

TG: >:(

— excerpt of chatlog from group chat “who you gonna call” 6/13/2015 —

EB: geez. thats pretty crazy.

EB: i cant believe dave would put you guys all in danger like that.

GG: im sure he didnt mean to!

TT: I agree, actually, Jade.

GG: :0 !!!

EB: really?

TT: I spoke to Dave after all the carnage ended, and I’ve come to realize that I’ve been completely misinterpreting his behavior.

TT: I’ve been viewing everything he does through the lens of my own behavior and Dirk’s, and assuming that everything he did which irritated me was done out of some form of antagonism.

TT: Yesterday, I learned exactly how far off I’ve been, and I’d like to apologize for sharing that mistaken impression with you two.

TT: The problem hasn’t been that Dave is holding some petty grudge. It’s that he’s been scared.

GG: :(

GG: :( :( :(

EB: scared? dave?

TT: Terrified, even.

TT: He was literally so frightened when I confronted him that he could barely move.

GG: oh no! rose!

TT: I apologized, I promise, and I’ve been trying to reign myself in around him now that I know there is fear at foot.

TT: I’m a little horrified myself, frankly, at how bad things must be for him.

EB: but if hes so scared why didn’t he just tell you guys sooner?

TT: He’s scared both ways, essentially. Terrified of what we’ll do to him if he breaks some rule here, terrified of what our father will do to him.

TT: I had expected trauma from the beginning, but when it didn’t present in the ways I expected, I assumed he was just fine.

TT: But this is…

TT: It’s as if his fear responses, even his fight or flight reflex, are just…broken.

TT: Like I said, when I confronted him, his eyes were huge and terrified, but he made no move to defend himself, nor did he try to escape. He just…braced himself. Readying himself for a blow that I had no intention of ever delivering, but which he dreaded more with every second it didn’t come.

TT: Ever since, I’ve been paying attention to his body language, since it’s so hard to read his expressions when he’s got those sunglasses on, and I’ve noticed so many times where he tenses up, so suddenly and to such an extreme that I’m surprised it doesn’t physically hurt him.

TT: And it’s not just for legitimate potential threats, like someone looking angry. He does it for the slightest sounds, for random movements, sometimes seemingly for no reason at all.

TT: Hes like some feral animal, constantly thinking he’s going to be hunted, and yet, he can’t run. He just sits there and waits for the blow to land, hoping that if he simply takes whatever punishment is thrown on him, it will end sooner.

TT: And all I can think is just…

TT: What kind of hell has he been through for these past ten years that he reacts to things as simple as a creaking floorboard or a waving hand makes him think he’s going to be attacked?

TT: What did that son of a bitch do to my brother?

EB: jesus.

GG: D:

EB: i always knew that things were bad for dave but i didnt think it was any where near that bad!

GG: hes not in too much trouble is he??

TT: Not at all.

TT: Terezi let him off with a warning, and there’s not much else we can do to him, besides. He’s already under house arrest.

TT: He knows what he did wrong.

GG: thats good! i wonder why he waited so long to tell the truth though?

TT: I’m pretty sure at this point that he was never intending on telling us.

EB: what! why not!

TT: I don’t think he believes he has a choice. He did tell Dirk what happened while having a panic attack, after all. I suspect it may have been something similar to the sort of terror that strikes when you realize it’s the end of a vacation period from school, and you’re not ready to go back yet.

TT: Except, you know, way worse, on account of it being abuse at the hands of a literal terrorist he would have to return to.

TT: He said something that stuck with me, when I asked, and he seemed very genuinely sad when he said it.

TT: “It doesn’t matter what I want. He’s going to come back for me again.”

TT: He’s so resigned to a fate that he is not actually doomed to.

EB: wow :(

TT: But on the bright side,

TT: I think he’s starting to realize that we really aren’t going to hurt him.

GG: yeah?

TT: He’s been following me around like a lost puppy all day. He jumps whenever I move too quickly, but he’s actually here in the room with Kanaya and I right now. The two of them have been chatting on and off for a while.

TT: I suspect it may be just that he hasn’t worked up the courage to talk to Karkat yet, but even so, he seems like he’s testing a boundary.

TT: Pushing to see if I really am no longer angry with him. It’s certainly a welcome change from his usual habit of hiding in his own bedroom.

GG: oh gosh!! can you tell him i said hi?

EB: holy shit hes right with you? get him online!

TT: John, he’s not allowed to use a computer, remember?

EB: fuck!

EB: tell him i said hi too, then!

GG: looool

TT: Done.

TT: He lit up a little, and mumbled a “Hi” right back.

GG: :D

EB: lol, dork.

TT: He says “This coming from John ‘unironically likes Nick fucking Cage’ Egderp.”

EB: >:B !!!!

— golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] —

GT: Hey, um.

GT: I know this is probably not something you really want to hear just now, but i really do want to apologize.

GT: I just got so distracted and worn out while abroad, and you always send so damned many messages, i didnt have the energy to read them all.

TT: It’s fine.

GT: No it isnt! Dirk i know how hugely important getting dave home has been to you ive known for ages!

GT: And whatever tumultuous relationship status we may currently be sharing youre still my best bro and i feel like a right horse’s arse for not being here for you during such a rollercoaster of a rough time!

TT: It’s alright, really. I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s wholly unnecessary.

GT: I promise ill at least try and check my messages more and keep more up to date on the situation.

GT: Let me know if theres any way i can help alright?

TT: Sure.

TT: Welcome home, by the way. It’s nice to talk to you again.

GT: Likewise!

— twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling grimAuxilitrix [GA] —

TA: TZ told me two me22age you, and by that ii mean 2he woke me up wiith a text 2aying ‘talk two kanaya a2ap a22hole 2hit2 gone down’.

TA: 2o what exactly ii2 goiing on.

GA: Um

GA: Well Im A Rainbow Drinker Now

TA: oh.

TA: you know what actually fuck thii2 iim goiing back two 2leep.

— twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling grimAuxilitrix [GA] —