#i know june has become the international pride month and i will still be doing my queer film arts then | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

enbyleighlines · 3 years ago

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In honor of pride month aka Hanguang June (god I love that, who came up with that clever pun?) I want to talk more about Lan Wangji’s internalized homophobia, and the outside factors that created it.

I think it’s not as apparent in the novel as, say, the homophobia that Wei Wuxian deals with while he’s within Mo Xuanyu’s body, but it’s still no doubt a big part of Lan Wangji’s character and story. We know that they live in a homophobic world. We know because of how Mo Xuanyu is treated, how Jin Ling calls homosexuality an “incurable disease”, how gay public displays of affection are criminalized, and so on and so forth.

We don’t know exactly how homophobic the Gusu Lan Sect is, but we do know that they are traditional and misogynistic, and while that does not prove that they are homophobic, it certainly does suggest it. There are also the rules forbidding promiscuity and debauchery, while may or may not include homosexuality.

We DO know that Lan Xichen, at the very least, is highly supportive of his brother. He is so supportive, in fact, that he apparently gossips with Jin Guangyao about Lan Wangji’s romantic life, as revealed in the Guanyin Temple confrontation. But that does not tell us whether Lan Xichen is an example of his Sect’s views, or an outlier. At one point, Lan Jingyi does say, “Hanguang-jun isn’t a cutsleeve!” which seems to suggest that Lan Wangji’s homosexuality is kept a secret, and that Jingyi, at least, has a certain view of gay men which is incompatible with Lan Wangji.

Things are further complicated by the fact that while Lan Qiren heavily disapproves of Lan Wangji’s relationship with Wei Wuxian, it’s unclear whether homophobia plays any part in it, or if Lan Qiren just hates Wei Wuxian himself.

All of that aside, I think it’s important to note that large elements of Lan Wangji’s character are 1. his inability to ask for what he wants, and 2. the suppression of his own feelings. He is already made to feel like his romantic feelings for Wei Wuxian are wrong on account of Wei Wuxian basically being the physical embodiment of everything the Gusu Lan Sect stands against, as well as the fear of becoming his father, but I think that there is also a large amount of internalized homophobia at play.

When they’re still teenagers, a lot of Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian’s interactions include Wei Wuxian teasing Lan Wangji in a manner which assumes that Lan Wangji is heterosexual. Wei Wuxian invites Lan Wangji to Lotus Pier by saying how beautiful the women of Lotus Pier are. He talks about how Lan Wangji will put women off with his cold demeanor. And then there is everything that happens with Mian Mian. These are the moments which really trigger Lan Wangji’s temper. And there is that moment where Lan Wangji accepts an even harsher punishment than Wei Wuxian, for something that isn’t even Lan Wangji’s fault, as if he’s carrying a great deal of shame within himself.

There is also the fact that Lan Wangji is so isolated as a teenager. He has no friends, and he keeps to himself. Lan Wangji is clearly different from his peers. At first, this is framed as a positive thing. He is better than his peers, more dedicated to the Gusu Lan Sect’s teachings, more mature, more disciplined, etc. But it also makes him quite the lonely figure.

That’s what makes it so heartening to see him after the 13 year gap. He is not super social, but he has the admiration and the respect of the juniors. He invites them into his rabbit field. He invites the round-faced girl in the early chapters to join the Gusu Lan Sect. He is known far and wide for being wherever he is needed, no matter how insignificant the case. Lan Wangji has developed a profound confidence in himself, which allows him to tell the juniors to take Wei Wuxian as Mo Xuanyu right to his personal quarters, despite knowing that Mo Xuanyu was known as a sex-craved cutsleeve. Lan Wangji no longer flinches at Wei Wuxian’s playful flirting. He is a man who has accepted himself, wholly and fully.

And then there’s the rabbit symbolism. In the beginning, Lan Wangji rejects the rabbits that Wei Wuxian brings him. As many people already know, rabbits are commonly associated with gay men in China, due to the fact that there is a Rabbit God that is also known for being the guardian of homosexual love. But after the 13 year gap, Lan Wangji has an entire army of rabbits. He keeps them despite the rule forbidding pets. One could interpret this as a metaphor of him accepting his own homosexuality, despite the social pressure from his Sect.

I think that’s part of the reason why Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian felt the need to elope. (Aside from, of course, not wanting to wait a second longer.) We know from the confession during the Guanyin Temple scene that they have no problem being publicly affectionate. They embrace and kiss and exchange passionate words of love in front of their friends and family. Hell, Wei Wuxian spends a large majority of the time sitting in Lan Wangji’s lap. They would have no problem with a public wedding... but I doubt that option would have been available for them. So they do their vows in private, and return to Gusu as husbands. It’s Lan Wangji’s way of skirting around another rule. The two of them can be as promiscuous as they please. They’re married, after all.

That’s also why it’s such a big deal when the Gusu Lan Sect allows Wei Wuxian to join the banquet in the extra chapters. This is the Gusu Lan Sect accepting their marriage as legitimate. It is an unexpected but happy surprise for them.

Lan Wangji goes through so much in the story, but in the end, he choses to be unapologetic about his emotions, and it not only transforms him, but the world around him. Lan Jingyi, who at the beginning refused to believe that Lan Wangji could be gay, starts lowkey shipping WangXian by the Yi City Arc. Jin Ling, who called homosexuality an incurable disease, eventually gives WangXian some awkwardly worded but sincere blessings. The strict and traditionalist Gusu Lan Sect comes to accept Wei Wuxian as Lan Wangji’s spouse.

I just... I just love Lan Wangji so much.

#mo dao zu shi #lan wangji #hanguang june

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photiniainsummer · 3 years ago

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Something Worth Celebrating

Rating: General Audiences (basically GenFic)

Summary: Dark admits he sort of, kind of has a birthday. And then he sort of, kind of asks you to throw him a party.

I know. Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

(Basically a purely indulgent fic where Dark gets to be happy for 0.2 seconds. Yes, it's late, please forgive me, Mr. Darkiplier sir.)

(second person POV, gender neutral reader)

Word Count: 4906

Author’s Note: No warnings. Honestly just tooth-rotting tenderness. This is a super-late birthday 'present' for our favorite spooky ego that I just couldn't get out of my head. Also posted to AO3!

The thought strikes you in the midst of your weekly scan of Mark’s content. While Dark makes sure to check his uploads and social media presence moment-to-moment, you often join his weekly wrap-up review sessions as a second, fresh set of eyes. It’s usually a silent and uneventful affair, with Dark sitting at his desk and you to one side of it, both focused on the week’s batch of content as it projects on the opposite wall. Hooking up the projector was easier than hunching over Dark’s laptop, the two of you bunched together around the screen, and it usually meant you could catch and examine any irregularities with greater accuracy. Not that there had been any for months. Mark’s content has become suspiciously unsuspicious, with no odd shot changes in the middle of playthroughs, no sideways comments in food reviews… and so your mind has started wandering during your viewings.

It’s not that his content is boring. But it’s hard to enjoy Mark’s lighthearted commentary, really, knowing the man for what he is: a manipulative, body-snatching, undead creature bent on conquering the hearts and minds of the world. That kind of imposing terror makes it hard to kick back and enjoy him goofing through a new horror game.

And, yet, despite that same terror, it’s difficult to stay fully focused on the task at hand. Maybe it’s the lack of weirdness lulling you into being unobservant - maybe that’s Mark’s goal. Regardless, he makes a jokey comment, surprised by a new onslaught of enemies so soon after receiving a new weapon - “What, is it my birthday?” - and though he proceeds to casually mow down a fresh flood of zombies, your mind is nowhere near his running monologue. No, you’re off on a tangent of wonderings - When exactly is his birthday, anyway? Is it soon? Do the egos share his, or do they have their own, if they know it? When would they celebrate it, anyway? Did Mark build in birthdays for them when he summoned them up, or was it whatever day they were formed from some strange, shadowy process you still don’t know the specifics of? It’s a strange and vaguely sad thing to ponder, your mouth turning down at the corners as you roll it around in your mind. To your side, Dark sighs softly, reaching out to pause the current video. Mark’s face freezes in an unflattering expression, and you turn to look at the entity.

“What, think of something?”

“No,” he demurs, scrubbing the video back. “But you are distracted. What do you last remember?” He doesn’t sound annoyed, which is a little surprising. Where a few months ago he would have bitten off a sharp comment about your wandering attention, he just gives you a mild look when you don’t immediately respond, hands hovering at his computer. It speaks to how routine this has become for you both, how each of you has grown accustomed to the other - the ringing of his aura barely registers for you now, although you were certain when you arrived that investing in a lifetime supply of ibuprofen was a basic requirement for working in close proximity to Dark for any extended period of time.

That’s when the thought strikes you - you meandering thoughts crystallizing around his presence, centering on him. You have to wonder how much of your thought process Dark actually heard, if your idle thoughts are loud enough for him to pick up. But seeing as he’s not making any attempt to immediately answer, nor chide you for thinking about such unimportant things, the thought, as a question, easily tumbles out between you.

“Do you have a birthday?”

He immediately furrows his brow, blinking in surprise. “What?”

“I said, do you have a birthday?” you repeat, committing to this line of questioning. You go so far as to turn slightly in your chair to look at him better, attention fully directed at him. Dark sighs and turns back to the computer, picking a spot in the video a couple of minutes ago, certainly farther back than necessary.

“I heard what you said,” he clarifies. “I am attempting to understand what could have possibly brought that up.”

“He said something about his birthday. It just got me thinking, that’s all.” Dark pauses, squinting his eyes ever so slightly at the screen. His cursor hovers over the playback bar, obviously considering his next move. You pause with him, then a smile tugs at your mouth. “You missed that, didn’t you.”

“I did not. It was merely an inane comment, so I did not take note of it.” He’s a little too indignant, too quick with that response, and it makes you laugh. He shoots you a patented glare, although it carries very little true malice. “When did he say that.”

“A couple minutes forward, it’s right after he gets that new gun.” Dark hums in response, clearly still miffed at having been successfully teased, but in a good-natured sort of way. You watch him scrub for the right spot, lulling back into a comfortable silence for a few moments before you remember what brought all this up and press on. “So, do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Don’t be obtuse, come on. Do you have a birthday?”

“They had birthdays,” he remarks. You recall them, or, at least, a picture of them, the only one you’ve seen that isn’t a staged portrait. You like it better than the stiff, properly posed photographs Dark hesitantly showed you once, when he had finally explained his origins to you. In the one you preferred to remember, a well-dressed woman and man hug each other close as they smile warmly into the camera. It’s some holiday, or just an excuse to get together - there are garlands blurred in the background - and the woman is holding a fancy-looking drink in the hand that isn’t wrapped around behind her brother, tugging him into frame. He looks a bit put-upon, smiling almost embarrassedly as if the woman has cajoled him in front of the cameraperson into taking a picture with her. But his expression, for all it implies, is still warm. His body curls close to his sister, his hold on her obviously affectionate. The woman is beaming like she’s won, squeezing her brother close as her cheeks apple, her painted lips curled in such pride. Her eyes dance, catching the light of the camera’s flash. They look comfortable, happy, beautiful. Full of life. The woman’s smile had pulled one out of you, when you saw it.

Dark’s explanation of how he had come to be makes the memory all the sadder, the melancholia curling around your throat even as you remember it now.

“I, on the other hand, was not born,” he explains, and for a moment you begin to regret bringing it up. But the shadow-bathed man doesn’t seem bothered, his tone matter-of-fact, simple. You know it pains him still, you saw the look on his face as he described how he had come to be, how his aura had raged around him like he was going to pull apart. How their faces had appeared in agonized red and blue flashes behind him - now that you knew what you were looking for, you could see them as themselves, not just as Dark.

Which makes the fact he can say something that directly referential without threatening to rip through existence sort of comforting. Is he just comfortable with you, now, knowing that you know? Whatever it is, you decide it’s a good thing, and settle back in your chair. “Well, sure, not as such, but… do you celebrate theirs?” you ask, as gently as you can.

“I do not.” Dark finds the proper place in the video, advancing to it.

“So you don’t celebrate you… coming into being, on any particular day?”

“I do not.” You squint slightly.

“You don’t,” you repeat. Dark sighs once more, bringing a hand to his brow in the way he does when Wilford is being particularly taxing.

“No. I do not. But the… fans. Do.” It’s an answer given through gritted teeth - the man finds the celebration of him and his many appearances in Mark’s work frustrating, to put it simply. Of course, he’s completely committed to his role as the villain the actor dreamed of, and won’t lie and say he doesn’t find it utterly amusing how Mark’s own fans seem to like him more than the actor himself. But all that is tinged with the truth of his conscription into this role, the indignity of being painted as the wicked mirror image of the man who took everything from him. It is particularly insulting, particularly painful. So to have some false version of him celebrated and adored, is…

Well, to use his words: Disgusting.

You would go for complicated, instead. It does feels strange to have them celebrate a fictionalized version of the entity next to you, given the reality of the situation, but it’s not like you can fault them for what they don’t know. They’re caught up in Mark’s game - it isn’t their fault. Still, you aren’t really surprised they found a whole day to put aside for the man.

“What day did they pick?”

“Hm?” Dark seems caught up in some internal brooding, set off by the memories of the fanart he’s seen. You prod again.

“What day is it? That they made your ‘birthday’?”

He pauses a moment, considering. You can tell he knows, he’s just debating whether or not to tell you. Whether or not this will have unintended consequences. “June 19th. It was the first time Mark posted something… strange enough to be counted as my first ‘appearance.’ So it is my birthday, by their reckoning.” He pauses again. “I suppose it is as good a day as any. Although I do not understand it - why would someone want to celebrate my existence?”

His tone takes this bitter, harsh edge, and you instinctively want to cringe against it. But you also know how Dark hates you trying to be delicate with him. It’s better to be honest, to know his reactions are not for you, but for his situation. For Mark. So you suppress the desire to turn away from it, instead reaching across the bit of desk between you to touch his arm. He doesn’t react, apart from flicking his eyes to rest on your hand. Touching him like this, yours fades to take on the same black-and-white cast as his own.

“For what it’s worth, I’d want to celebrate it. I’m glad you’re here.” You squeeze him very gently, as if trying to impress that more fully into his mind. “And… they don’t really know you, but, I mean. I think they’d like you even more, want to celebrate you more, if they did.”

Dark is silent, gaze falling to a whorl of wood in his polished desk as he considers your words. He doesn’t immediately reply and you take your hand away, not wanting to be overly touchy-feely about the whole thing. Or, at least, you don’t want to be if that’s not what Dark wants. You’d be the first to console him, if you could, but it’s hard to get a read on what might help the man most. He lives in his head, unaccustomed to sharing much with the other egos, let alone someone who hasn’t directly been through what they have. Your position on the outside imposes a distance that even having worked so closely with him for so long hasn’t yet bridged. Still, you leave that door open for him whenever you gracefully can, whenever it doesn’t feel like you’re opening it to force him through.

You try show him he can walk through whenever he likes. If he likes.

The man shifts slightly, reaching out to adjust a small pile of papers. He puts them to rights, even though they’re already perfectly in line with each other. When he finally speaks, his voice is almost covered by its own deep echo.

“If I am honest, I meant more… why would they celebrate the man they see, the ‘Darkiplier’ in his works? He is not a good man, by any means. He tells the truth, Mark’s confidence in himself sees to that. But they do not know it. He seems to seek to trap the audience through lies, manipulation… I simply do not understand the appeal.” You feel a little caught out, wondering if you jumped a bit too eagerly on his statement as a chance to comfort him. “However…”

He stops, realizing he’s run out of papers to arrange, things to fidget with. Folding his colorless hands in front of him, he finally and intentionally turns to look your way. It’s a slow, steady motion, heavy with purpose. When you meet his intensely contrasted eyes, they fall gently on you. His expression is open, almost bare. Devoid of any bitterness, frustration - his usual armor.

“...it is incredibly kind of you to say that. About me. I. I sincerely appreciate it.”

The hesitancy in his voice, yet how honestly he continues on, intent on telling you this… It’s enough to break your heart. You give him a tender smile.

“You’re not exactly that man in those videos, Dark. Not the way he has you play it, know you well enough to tell that… But even if you were, you have reason enough for it, I’d wager.”

That gets you a wry smile from the man. “Enough reason to pull ourselves back from the dead?”

You laugh, softly. “Yeah, something like that.” At your mirth, the lines of his body begin to relax, and he eases back into his seat somewhat. It’s a rare sight, Dark letting himself relax, be still for a moment. Even his aura, ever-roiling, merely seems to ebb and flow around him in gentle pulses. His mouth stays gently turned up as he looks at nothing in particular, gaze easy on some middle distance. You can tell he’s thinking, even at minor peace like this, but has no real intention to speak again. Sensing the Big Heart-To-Heart Moment™ has passed, you sigh and look back over your sparse notes. “Should we get back to it, though? I totally derailed us.”

Dark pauses a bit longer in the moment before he idly waves a hand and reaches out to close the lid of his computer. “There is nothing interesting this week, really. I think we can call it there, unless you are especially invested in head-exploding physics.” You pull a face.

“Not particularly. I can finish going over it later, anyway. Just in case.” You stretch and twist in your chair with a sigh. “Think I’ll make some coffee - can I get you a cup?”

“Are you going to use the cafetiere?”

“No, I thought the Mr. Coffee would be better. Really gets it nice and watery, just like you like.” Dark scrunches up his nose in the most totally undignified way, and god that makes you belly-laugh, bending slightly over the desk to support yourself. It breaks him, getting a real smile to curl over his face. He can be such a goofball, when he wants to be. “Of course I was gonna use the cafetiere. Who do you take me for?”

“I have to check, I have had many a disappointing cup after agreeing too eagerly. But yes, I will take one, if it isn’t too much trouble.”

“None at all,” you hum, coming down from your laughing fit. You make your way out of his office but before you can turn the corner, Dark calls your name, stopping you in the doorway. You look back to him, and he seems… at ease. His hands are folded across his middle, he’s resting back in his desk chair. The ghost of a smile is still on his face. You try to bottle that moment, preserve it mentally. “Yeah?”

“Thank you. Again. And…” He hesitates for a beat, making some decision. “If you or the others would like to do something. On the day. My… sort-of birthday… I would not be opposed.”

You force your jaw to stay in place and not hit the floor. Wilford will go ballistic. You don’t know if the mustachioed ego will be able to handle the thought of throwing Dark a real birthday party - he might just explode in a haze of confetti and glitter stars. Blinking, you right yourself, finding your head nodding before you even know what it’s doing.

“I. Y-Yeah! Sure, we. We could definitely do that. Do… something.” Dark just smiles a little more fully, exhaling a laugh. “I’ll. I’ll talk to them about it.”

Holy shit.

“Wonderful. It will be nice to have a reason to have a proper party. Something to celebrate. Don’t you think?” You’re nodding again, agreeing wholeheartedly, but dazedly, too. You don’t realize you’re just standing there sort of staring until Dark tilts his head thoughtfully to one side. “Is… coffee still happening?”

“Huh?” You remember. “Oh. Oh! Shi- I mean, shoot. I mean. Yes. Yeah. I. Coffee, yes. I’m… gonna do that.”

As you beat a hasty and red-faced retreat to the kitchen, bursting with ideas, you can just make out the man giving the faintest, echoing chuckle.

---

You don’t think you’ve ever felt such pure excitement in the Manor before. The air is practically buzzing with pure, unbridled energy as you approach Dark’s office door. Downstairs, you can hear the egos making final preparations underneath Wilford’s speaking in an overly dramatic tone, giving some kind of grand speech. Likely a rallying of the troops into being on their best behavior for their de facto leader. You can’t help a smile and a shake of your head - maybe he’d take his own advice tonight.

Either way, everything is ready, so you rap on the birthday boy’s outer office door. He’d graciously locked himself away after retrieving his morning coffee so you would all have the space to prepare. Of course, he hadn’t escaped early-morning birthday wishes from you and the Host, nor a fresh-cut bouquet of flowers you two had collected for him. You’d even carried them up to his office for him, just so he wouldn’t have to touch them himself and risk draining their color. The memory of how sort of bashful he’d looked, the you really shouldn’t have energy that had rolled off him as he directed you to set them on his desk - it makes you grin in anticipation for this evening as he calls for you to enter, now.

He’s sitting by the fireplace, apparently killing time with a book which he looks up from as you enter. An inquiring look pulls his brow. “All prepared?”

“Oh yes. Your party awaits you, sir.” Dark huffs a laugh and rises, setting his book aside. He’s dressed a bit differently, still in slacks and a tie but with the addition of a waistcoat closely fit over his dress shirt, which is slightly rolled up over his forearms. Then he begins to fix them, going for his jacket, and you have to interject. “Are you really going to wear a full suit to your party?”

Dark stops, looking confused. And a little concerned. “I. Was intending to, yes.”

Oops. “I mean, you always wear a suit,” you chide as gently as you can. “They look nice, but the whole point is celebrating, relaxing a little? Besides, you look nice just like that.” Dark pauses, casting a look over himself. He absently adjusts his waistcoat, and you notice a thin chain connected to one of the buttons loops into one pocket. Has he always had a pocket watch?

“You are certain it is not too… casual.” He almost sounds worried, the poor thing. You give him a reassuring smile as you approach, picking up his jacket and folding it with care before hanging it over your arm.

“I’ll bring it down, but I think you’ll be more comfortable like that. Though you aren’t totally dressed, yet.” The man gives you an utterly baffled look, and you grin in response, bringing out a brightly colored party hat. His look sours immediately.

“Absolutely not.”

“Oh, come on.”

“No. I am already being made to go down undressed, I will not go with bells on.”

Sometimes you forget he’s just a grumpy grandpa. You pull out the big guns. “Well… we’re all wearing them,” you hum, your own firmly in place. “Besides, Wilford insisted. And he’s the Decoration Czar. Self-proclaimed, but he rules with an iron fist.” Dark makes a valiant effort to hold onto his resolve, but it weakens in the face of you invoking the mustachioed man. With a soft, amorphous grumble, he pulls the elastic band of the hat under his chin.

Now that you understand a little more about how Dark and Wilford had come to be, their bond makes a lot more sense, even for all Dark’s frustrated looks shot the more light-hearted man’s way in the midst of meetings. Even before you knew the depth of their bond, Dark had always seemed surprisingly willing to go along with Wilford’s more doable requests, less inclined to irritatedly snip at him for his foolishness. As Dark adjusts his party hat in a nearby mirror (making sure his well-coiffed hair isn’t too disturbed by his headwear), you’re glad that, although Wilford may not fully be aware of it, the two of them have each other.

He drops his hands with a sigh. “I look ridiculous.” He’s positioned the cone-shaped hat directly pointing up in the middle of his head, and. Well. It looks way too proper, but very Dark all at once. You chuckle, coming close to help.

“You should see the den. It’s a wreck,” you tease, reaching for his hat, giving the man enough time to wave you off. But he doesn’t, just watching you in the mirror as you adjust it (careful of his curls) to a more jaunty angle. His aura has already absorbed the color from it, but it looks party-appropriate. More importantly, Dark seems a bit more at ease as he gets used to how it looks. You wonder if he’s ever worn a party hat in his life. “There, much better.”

“Hm. Then I suppose I am ready.”

“As you’ll ever be. C’mon, they’re all waiting.” When he turns from the mirror, you playfully offer him your arm. You think you’ll get an eyeroll, a dismissive but amused huff at best. You aren’t anticipating him looping his arm in yours and giving you this little smile that warms his eyes and has you pulling up short. He chuckles somewhat at your reaction, your lack of movement.

“I thought I was being escorted.”

“Uh. You. You are, oh, you definitely are, hold on to your socks, you’re about to experience the best escorting of your life.” Dark’s free hand comes up to help suppress the grin that threatens to split his face as you lead him from the office and down to the almost overwhelmingly decorated den. While the room is comfortably illuminated by a variety of the Manor’s most colorful lamps, the light is somewhat low and catches on the sparkling garlands heavily draped on the walls. Matching balloons bob at varying intervals and a rousing cheer goes up as you and Dark enter, a flood of grins turning your way. Music cuts on - something upbeat and jazzy - and the flock of egos quickly descends on the object of celebration, Wilford leading the charge and pressing a drink into the man’s hand after a massive bear hug. You release Dark’s arm to let the crowd of other egos at him, covering him in birthday wishes and affectionate pats on the back (their boldness inspired by Wilford, no doubt), before eagerly showing off all their preparations.

While Yancy explains the variety of possible games he’s worked up, getting a horribly wry grin out of the shadowy man at his creation of ‘pin the cravat on the Actor,’ you step back a bit to make sure Dark’s suit jacket is safely out of the way of the night’s oncoming revelry. Clearly, he’s already forgotten it, much to your pleasure. The bar is lined up with a few drink options, pre-made cocktails and bottles of wine opened to breathe, a number of elegantly arranged finger foods courtesy of resident chef Google Alpha. Carefully, you tuck Dark’s jacket under the bar in an empty shelf and before scooping up a drink of your own and tossing yourself back into the fray.

It goes a lot more smoothly than you had anticipated - everyone quickly falls into comfortable conversation, dipping into the snacks and games when it lulls. Wilford manages to keep his pants on despite threatening to provide a different kind of ‘entertainment�� at one point (and in spite of encouraging whistles from Bing and the Jims, who are quick to shove a camera in Wil’s direction). Further, Dark survives having ‘Happy Birthday’ sung to him, even blowing out the single candle in the middle of the complicated-looking tiramisu Alpha crafted.

It’s a rousing success, by all measures.

By the time you finally get a chance to sidle back up to Dark, the easy hum of the party has kicked up to a bit more of an excitable buzz as the jazz records have turned more and more swinging. Yandere and Illinois clearly know what they’re doing, beating a quick step around the open dance floor and grinning like bandits as Yancy does his best to help poor Eric get over the hurdle of not staring at your feet when you dance. The Manor feels more full than it usually does, with all of you crowded in the one room together, and you can see the warm, pure energy of it all is having a similar effect on Dark as it is on you - you don’t think you’ve ever seen him smile so much, small as they are.

Another thought hits you, even better than the one that prompted this whole affair. Grinning, you quickly gesture over the nearest Google. With the music like it is, it’s hard to speak over the ruckus, but you mime taking a picture and Green gets the idea, his glasses getting a particular sheen to them so you know he’s flipping through his interface. Once he gives you a thumbs up, you gently tug Dark down by the arm and gesture in Green’s direction. “Say ‘cheese,’” you prompt, and the shadowy man pulls a face.

“I don’t think-”

“Oh, just one, Dark, c’mon,” you poke. “He’s set up and everything.” With a sort of resigned huff, the man twists and gets his free arm around you, hand resting carefully on your back as you get yours around him, bringing him in closer.

Then, almost in your ear, you hear his very dour voice say, “Cheese...” and it breaks you. You’re busting out laughing, forcing yourself not to double over or spill your drink, and over the music and your own laughter, you can hear Dark chuckling, the subsequent snap of Green’s camera feature. The latter catches the most attention, the gathered egos coming running as soon as they realize pictures are happening.

Suddenly, everyone wants in, smushing in as close as they can get to you and Dark, bickering when elbows ‘accidentally’ find soft sides and someone worms in front of someone else, Green taking pictures all the while of the ensuing chaos. Dark’s aura is starting to rouse from its relatively peaceful state when you decide it’s gone on long enough. You quickly clap and break up the worst of the infighting, getting folks arranged as best you can. By the time you finish and most everyone is settled, Dark is wearing a very betrayed look and Wilford’s heavy arm, which is hugging him quite close to his side. With a playful shrug, you pick your way back to your spot.

“I thought you said one,” he grumps softly even as you both get your arms situated comfortably around the other.

“You believed me?” His eyes get a bit wide - you trick Dark? You trick him into photograph like the child? - but you turn away with a triumphant smile. “Green, set your glasses on the bar, get in!”

The android quickly obliges, setting the timer and sliding in among his copies as he counts you down. “Okay,” you call, “everyone say ‘Darkling!’”

The cacophony of laughter and broken-up attempts at the word is something you’ll never forget.

---

Google sends you the photos the next morning, as the Manor collectively attempts to nurse minor to severe hangovers. Flipping through and marking the best ones to print and frame, you get to see the first one of the two of you.

In it, you’re hugging each other close, smiling warmly into the camera. There are garlands blurred in the background and you’re holding a fancy drink, tugging Dark into frame. That slightly embarrassed tinge is gone from his smile, but he still looks cajoled, still smiles as affectionately as he ever has. There’s no doubt he’s changed - the photo warps to try to capture his existence, red and blue fragments breaking up the image - but his expression is still warm. And you look so pleased with yourself, so amused, eyes dancing with success and joy.

Full of life.

It pulls a smile out of you.

#markiplier fanfiction #markiplier egos #darkiplier #ego fanfiction #happy birthday mister man light of my life #sorry it is late i was a pile of mental goop after exams #mad market pliers ramblings #fanfiction

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itsclydebitches · 3 years ago

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Is it weird I'm just kind of not into Pride? I'm a non binary pan person who lives with a conservatives family with no chance of actually being able to be open. Seeing corporations support Pride here in America where it's safe, but still do business with countries that hate us all. That would kill us even. I'm not able to be out and proud. This month sucks if you don't live in a big city that accepts you. Can't wait to hear about how the (insert f slur) are ruining this country in my area.

Let me start off by saying that I'm so sorry you're dealing with that, anon. I can't personally speak to being in a position where it would be impossible/dangerous for me to come out (at least, I hope not), though I do know the feeling of people just... ignoring it? The liberal acceptance of, "We won't actively harm you, but we're also not going to acknowledge this part of your identity in any way. Everything's fine provided you don't bring it up ever again :)" sort of deal. There are many different ways - many different reasons - for being in the closet and all of them are valid, from the horrific "I will literally not be safe" to simply "I'm not ready to come out yet. Maybe I never will be. That's for me to decide." Despite the strides we've made, I think it's worth acknowledging that this progress - acceptance in some places, some queer couples in media, the pressure for corporations to at least pretend like they don't hate us, etc. - comes with a newfound pressure to be out and to be out in a particular way. We're loud, we're proud, and we're going to risk it all to be ourselves! ... which means that when someone can't risk everything, or simply won't, there's this idea that you're doing queerness wrong. I'm not risking alienating my family to push for more acceptance. I don't currently have the means to get myself to protests or parades. My ability to support queer movements depends a lot on funds that I also don't have. In some respects, Pride (month) has been simplified down into this sterilized, celebratory narrative that can, paradoxically, make a lot of people feel unwelcome. What if it's not safe for me to walk out bedazzled in rainbows? What if I don't want to be grateful to these corporations using my identity for clout? What if even my own community still doesn't think I exist? What if, while social media is bombarded with everyone celebrating themselves, the most I can do is air grievances anonymously?

That's okay. Far more than being okay, that's a part of Pride. Pride isn't just a celebration, Pride is a battle. An ongoing one, despite what some would have us believe. We're all allowed to be angry during Pride. Disappointed. Frustrated. Scared. Just plain, fucking tired. That pressure to not just be out, but to be out "correctly" and to be out loudly can become its own kind of exhausting performance. Hell, I'm about to get my hair cut soon and I honest to god was worrying about whether I could get something that "looks queer" because right now I "look too straight" and that's apparently a problem because I've internalized a bunch of nonsense about how we do and do not perform queerness, especially during the month of June. That's obviously an incredibly minor non-problem compared to what others are going through, though the point I'm trying to make through my own, subjective experiences is that none of us need to pretend to be 100% ecstatic about queer politics for the next 28 days. Because it does suck when you don't feel like you have a reason or a means to celebrate, but those feelings themselves are an important part of Pride; one of the reasons that battle exists. It doesn't alienate you from the community (despite how much it might feel that way at times), but rather makes you a crucial part of it.

Idk, I apologize if this response is rambling and too "me" centric. I have trouble working through such complex, delicate subjects, especially during a time when I'm already overthinking them 24/7. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, in as much as our personal situations may differ, I understand those feelings. As much as I'm actually full of pride during Pride, reblogging all the queer memes and sending rainbows to my friends, I'm still equally scared, furious, and disheartened by how far we still have to go and sometimes that translates into just... not wanting to celebrate. None of these feeling are necessarily independent of each other. We can take pride in our identities while also, simultaneously going, "Yeah, this stuff still really sucks." We wouldn't be fighting if it didn't.

#queer

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violetta-incorrect-quotes · 3 years ago

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Ima just do some headcanons for the (girl) characters finding out they aren’t straight

Violetta: Never really had a chance to feel something for anybody until she moved back to Buenos Aires. She spent most of her childhood either alone or making friends but having to leave a month afterwards. Violetta hadn’t even heard of the word bisexual until she came and thought having crushes on both the female villain and the male hero in her favorite show was normal.

She came to the studio and probably had a crush on Francesca since the first day but pushed it away as a friend crush. The two hung out a little and Violetta’s feelings developed more. Once at a sleepover with Camila and Francesca, Cami mentions something about thinking a few of the students are bisexual which prompts Violetta to think about herself more.

The summer in between season 1 and 2 is when she probably realized. Once she went to pick Francesca up and was overwhelmed with feelings is when she knew. She never really mentioned it and continued to live on but both of the girls tended to do things that you wouldn’t exactly do with just a friend.

Eventually one day Camila probably either locks them in a closet or tells one of the two to just confess already. She shoved them into the instrument room and locked the door.

Violetta knows what she meant but she isn’t sure if Fran does. Suddenly Francesca asked her if there’s something she needs to say and Violetta confesses that she’s bisexual. Francesca seems relieved and admits the same. Both of the girls have a little moment but nothing else, until their at Madrid that is.

Francesca: She never really bothered to label herself while younger. Had her first crush on a girl she met in Italy at a young age but she’d forgotten about it. Once she arrives at the studio, she meets Camila, who she assumed was bisexual from the moment she saw her. Francesca wasn’t really interested in figuring out who she was until Violetta came.

Obviously at the time she was into Tomás, but she couldn’t deny what she was feeling for Violetta either. It didn’t hit her until one night where Camila just tells her she should tell Violetta how she feels. Francesca hesitates and thinks about it but she never does.

Then she’s with Marco, who she really does love and care about but no matter what, she can’t forget Violetta. Once she broke up with Marco, she kind of felt free and got closer to Violetta who didn’t really notice.

Obviously, in Madrid they almost kissed but didn’t discuss it. Both of them knew the other was bi but had a mutual agreement not to mention it. Once they got back, Francesca and Violetta eventually sat down and talked over their feelings.

They agreed to having crushes on each other but decided to not take it further. There were a few times where one or the other wanted to make a move but held back. Although when Roxy and Fausta started, the two saw it as maybe a little chance to break free and possibly could have gone on a “date” as them.

Camila: She’s always had a great “gaydar,” (predicting Franletta, telling Fran to go for it, always noticing the tension between Naty and Ludmila etc...) but never really thought about it for herself. She’s always assumed she was straight but probably has had crushes on girls in the past and thought that’s how everyone felt. Although she’s always been interested in the LGBTQ+ community and knows a lot. One night over the phone (pre season 3) she brings it up to Francesca who’s like, “That’s not very straight.” And Camila’s more confused then ever, claiming “What are you talking about? Everyone does that?”

After Francesca’s explaining, Camila just kind of hangs up and thinks about it. She’s embarrassed at herself (especially for being the last one to realize it) but also kind of relieved. Now it makes sense. She thinks back to when she was testing with the different boys and realizes why. She stayed up most of the night to think about it and decided to label herself as Bisexual, which she’s very open about now and loves talking about it.

She probably went to the studio and realized how Naty acted around her which she just didn’t see before and realized she does the same thing, which lead to some awkwardness and Naty finally asking what’s wrong. Cami just kind of mumbled something and moved on. Her crush grew, which is when she also realized she kind of had feelings on Ludmila which confused her more.

Then she had to practice the kissing scene and she’s like “Ok, this is it.” Camila asked Naty who accepted and that’s where it happened.

She’s also the studios supplier of pride flags which she has a worrying amount of that she gives out in June but won’t reveal where they came from.

Ludmila: Has so much internalized homophobia she tells Naty in season one that she would rather die than date a girl. Naty doesn’t respond and draws back a little, causing her to go with Maxi which makes Ludmila unbelievably jealous.

All her life her mother has always told her to find a rich boy, and that girls shouldn’t marry girls. Ludmila took after that, probably why she didn’t like Camila originally because she always thought she was bisexual. Eventually Ludmila’s jealousy gets the best of her and she tells Naty that Maxi will just hurt her. Naty snaps, almost crying and tells her that she would do the same. Then she storms off, leaving Ludmila confused and hurt.

Once it hits around season 2, Ludmila’s started to recognize her feelings for Natalia but forces them away. She hates herself for it and has a few bad months where she just felt terrible and confused, leading her to come up with the idea to hurt Violetta, who she’s always admired and kind of crushed on but would never admit it. She kind of catches feelings for Camila which just makes her worse and she keeps so many of her emotions kept up she just snaps one night and doesn’t leave her room for a week. Eventually Ludmila realizes she never really felt the same way for a guy that she has for girls and her world is literally crushed. Federico was there to try to help her but she just lied and said she was done hurting people, never revealing the actual reason she was like this. She did like him but never in the same way.

Then it’s season 3. Ludmila becomes Violetta’s stepsister and her feelings for her are gone, but her ones for Naty and Camila grow. One night it’s probably 3:00 am and she’s sleep delirious and mentions to Violetta something about not knowing who she loved. Violetta gives her advice and tells her about how she was feeling. The girls never mention it again.

One day she and Naty are arguing and they both accidentally confess their feelings. Naty is shocked and Ludmila immediately regrets it, saying she could never be with a girl and runs, leaving Naty heartbroken. The day her mom is arrested though, Violetta urges her to go talk to Naty and Ludmila realizes she can finally be herself.

Natalia: Always admired her sister who wasn’t afraid to tell anyone who she was and was open to anything. She caught feelings for Ludmila around the end of season 1 and tries to push them away by being with Maxi. Eventually she confides in her sister who tells her to just be who she is.

Naty liked Maxi a lot, she still does. She’s always thought that was what a crush felt like, but in the end she realizes it was more one sided and platonic.

Knowing Ludmila would never be with her, she stays with Maxi in an attempt to maybe just forget her feelings but she never can. That’s when she catches feelings for Camila at the start of season 3 and now she’s more confused than ever.

She starts to hang out with Cami more. The two of them connect immediately. Naty realizes she’s only ever really crushed on girls and takes a few quizzes one night. She eventually decides she identifies as a lesbian and is terrified to tell anybody. She’s also poly.

Camila probably figured it out before her and Naty wasn’t sure what to do about it. Then they kiss, which is when she admits her feelings and Camila does the same. Naty really loves her but feels bad about it because she feels like she’s betraying Ludmila. Camila tells her that she needs to talk to her.

Once she does, Ludmila gets jealous but understands. She admits she has a crush on Cami too and Naty’s shocked. Eventually the girls figure it out and Camila brings them little matching pride pins .

I’ll do some for the boys later, or at least Diego and Leon but I don’t want this to be too long lol

#had the need to write these #I might go through and edit them since these were quick but idk #violetta #violetta castillo #francesca caviglea #camila torres #ludmila ferro #natalia vidal #pride #headcannons #bisexual #lesbian

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cartoonfantic8 · 4 years ago

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LGBTQ+ Percy Jackson Headcannons Part 2

ToA spoilers, Jason’s not dead!

Link to Part 1 - https://cartoonfantic8.tumblr.com/post/627758351057616896/lgbtq-percy-jackson-headcannons

How the fuck did I get so many likes!? Thank you to everyone who liked it or rebloggged. I want everyone to know that your are loved and accepted. Fuck what anyone tells you otherwise, they don’t know how you feel. Being anywhere on the gender spectrum, you are not “sick” or “ill”, that’s what you feel comfortable identifying as, then you are. You are loved and accepted.

- Percy’s a demiboy

- He uses they/he pronouns but mostly uses he.

- Sally is so supportive of him, and will easily switch pronouns. Paul is a little weary of it at first but after learning a lot more and slowly accepting it, he’s proud of Percy for expressing how he feels. Annabeth is also pretty supportive and loves him all the same. Everyone is camp loves him no matter what and accepts him.

- Their friends still love them. Once in a while Jason will slip up pronouns and being the extremely nice guy he is will apogizie so much thoughout the day. Like he will feel so bad all day, and Percy will be like “Dude it’s fine, you don’t do it on purpose”

- Nico never states he’s gay, he’ll just wait for someone to say something homophobic and be “Oh you think that about gay people, well bitch I’m gay”. Then he’ll make the person flustered and embarrassed and Nico will just walk away.

- Will loves him for it. He introduced Nico to She-Ra and at first Nico hated it but then he started to low-key like it. He heavily related to Catra, Nico and Will 1000% ship Catrdora. They also watched the Owl House and defently ship Lumity.

- Mr.D is fiercely protective of the trans campers. He dosen’t show it much but he will care about them so much. He will easily switch pronouns and call them by there preferred name, he’ll get them binders or make them feel more comfortable.

- Chrion is high-key one of the most accepting people ever. He will literally die his hair and tail rainbow, he wears rainbow clothes. He will literally organize small groups of demigods going to Pride togther, that way not many monsters attack and they can have more fun.

- Anyone with homophobic or transphobic parents, stay year-round.

- The rule used to be “two people of the opposite gender, can’t be alone in a cabin togther”, then Chiron changed it to “ two people can’t be alone in a cabin togther” to be more inclusive. Then some of the campers who are in a polyamous relationship are like “Ha we don’t have to follow the rule”. Chrion was like fuck it “anyone in a relationship can’t be alone in a cabin with there significant other/others.

- Conner has tried breaking this rule and sneaking into the Athena Cabin and has gotten caught several times by the harpies. Malcolm being the little smartass he is, stole Annabeth’s invisibility cap and successfully snuck into the Hermes cabin several times.

- Aries kids go to pride parades to support the LGBTQ campers and will curse out all the homophobes protesting.

- Hephuetus Cabin making weapons for the LGBTQ+ campers. Lesbians get swords, gays get glaudius, bisexual get battle axes, demisexuals get daggers, pansexuals get poleaxes, aro’s get longbows, non-binary’s get nunchucks, ace’s get maces, trans gets tridents, ect. (Pretty much that fanart but in the PJO world) They become honorary weapons and save them in case a homophobic and transphobic army comes to camp, they’ll be prepared.

- The Flower Crowns the Demeter Cabin made can never wither or die.

- During Pride Month, the Big House will put pride flags around the edge of the roof. The Iris cabin encourages all cabins so put some rainbow somewhere outside there cabin. Most people put flags but the one that takes the cake is the Hades Cabin. Apparently the night before June 1st, Nico di Angelo with the help of Will Solace painted the entire cabin rainbow. This kinda surprised everyone.

- Drew isn’t straight at all. She was really just a closeted lesbian who had so much internalized homophobia because she had a homophobic dad growing up and lived in a homophobic environment. After a while she slowly starts to accept that part of herself and comes out of the closet like literally.

- Drew waited one night after dinner to tell her Cabin, she went into the closet of the Aphrodite cabin, put on a lesbian flag as a cape and did her makeup the lesbian flag colors, and just came out of the closet. The campers were in shock but loved her all the same. Drew became so much more open and showed more of the real her.

- She ended up dating a water nymph and loves her so much. The nymph brought a more kinder side to her and Drew became so much kinder and everyone knew it was because of her girlfriend.

- Drew teaches trans girls how to do there makeup.

- Lavinia Asimov introduced her girlfriend Poison Oak to Pride. They went to the nearest parade by Camp Jupiter.

- Poison Oak is defiantly a cottage core lesbian, you can not change my mind. Lavinia just gives me the Lesbian Artist Vibe.

- Both of them are in the LGBTQ+ support group at Camp Jupiter with Hazel.

- Hazel and Lavinia went on a shopping trip to the nearest mall, they both got plain white Vans and decided to paint them. Lavinia painted them the lesbian flag colors, Hazel painted them the pansexual flag colors.

- In New Rome, they will have Pride Parades all June. They’ll schedule it and decorate the place rainbow. They’ll put a shop and put flags, pins and stuff like that. The LGBTQ+ campers in Camp Jupiter go.

- At the Waystation, Jo and Emmie decorate a lot. They will have Pride everywhere and support anyone. They practically adopted Leo, Calypso and Lit.

- Lit’s kinda confused but Jo and Emmie teach him. Emmie makes rainbow cookies and they all go to Pride.

- Artemis is pretty much all the hunters adoptive mom. She accepts if two hunters fall in love with each other and leave the hunt. She’s still on good terms with them.

Feel free to add more!

@yjbatfamandmarchingband

@kittyplayz1cantmsg4somereason

@just-a-local-enby

@mariesunflowerchild

@la-folle-a-l-orignal

@loverofmazeandthrones

@hazellpjo

@aurelle

@spazshipping

Dedicated for all the people who wanted part two!

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maythefandomsbwithu · 4 years ago

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Hey I decided to post this on Tumblr cuz why not

tattoo artist Geralt/florist jaskier 1

It was just another day for Jaskier. It was June and business was booming. Or should he say blooming, he was a florist after all. The wedding season was well under way and orders were coming flooding in. He couldn’t wait for Ciri to finish her exams so she could help out in the shop more but for now he had to manage on his own.

He owned a quaint little shop called Dandelions Aren’t Weeds in a reasonably quiet part of town. It didn’t seem like much to an outsider but to Jaskier it was his pride and joy. He spent his days tending the plants and catering to his customers’ needs, often with a fresh bloom tucked behind his ear. He took pride not only in his business but in his appearance as well, dressing in fine, brightly coloured clothes that complimented his complexion, with just a light smear of makeup, the boldest on a day to day basis being a dark streak of liner under each eye. He looked as pretty and delicate as the flowers he sold but appearances could be deceiving.

The only thing out of the ordinary in the past weeks was all the work that had been going on the renovate the shop next door. Rumours had been doing the rounds of what it would be when it was finished. By the look of it, the one that proved to be right was that it was going to be a tattoo shop. Jaskier hoped it wouldn’t be off putting to some of his customers with more…traditional values. By the looks of it, it was due to open any day. He hoped his new neighbours would be nicer than the last ones. He sighed and continued putting together an arrangement. He had too much work to do to worry about that right now.

Another few weeks passed and Ciri finished her exams. He was definitely grateful to have an extra pair of hands; his niece was marvellous. She’d been helping him out at the weekends while she was in school. He’d decided to take her on full time over the summer, he needed the help and she was saving for a car. He definitely appreciated having someone to talk to with Ciri’s sharp wit and general good humour. Most people didn’t realise they were related though, they couldn’t see past Ciri’s blond tresses and paler skin. However, if one observed her carefully, her mannerisms were similar to Jaskier’s and she had the same glint in her eye just before she made a smart-assed comment.

The tattoo shop next door had opened too, a steady stream of people going in and out. Jaskier has yet to meet his new neighbours though. Oh well, he presumes they are busy with their opening week or something like that. He’d bump into them eventually.

Jaskier had been doing a bit of tidying up one evening. Even though they technically weren’t closed because the door was still open, it was too late for any more customers so he had sent Ciri to go and get them both a coffee from the café down the road and popped in his headphones. He hummed and bopped his way around the floor, cleaning as he went. He was so distracted that he didn’t notice the man who’d come in until he walked straight into him.

Jaskier snapped out of his day dream to find a man who was basically a blonde, tattooed superman standing in his flower shop. His long hair was drawn back from his face in a bun, accentuating a jawline Jaskier could cut himself on and, holy shit! Did he have gold eyes?!? He thought this stranger looked fantastic. Oh shit, he was staring at Jaskier, he should probably snap out of it and say something.

* Bad Jaskier! * He internally chided himself. *No ogling! *

“Can I help you mister….?” Jaskier asked, clearing his throat and yanking out his headphones. He had to be professional.

“Geralt, Geralt Rivia. I own the tattoo shop next door.” The man, Geralt, offered his hand. Jaskier noted then that if he wanted to, this guy could probably break his entire hand. However, while firm, the handshake bore no ill intent. Good.

“Ah! My new neighbour! Julian Alfred Pankratz, at your service, but I prefer Jaskier.” He gave a flourishing bow. When he said he’d bump into the neighbours eventually he hadn’t meant literally. “So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your presence this evening?” *Nothing like laying it on thick Jaskier* he thought to himself, inwardly cringing at his own eagerness.

~~ time rewind~~

Geralt was relieved the day that White Wolf Tattoos finally opened for business. The renovations and paper work of starting out on his own had caused him mountains of stress. But he had known it would all be worth it once he got up and running, and away from her.

Her being his ex-girlfriend and ex-boss Renfri. He knew from the start that mixing work and pleasure would be a bad idea but at the time he’d been too loved up to care. Everything had seemed fine at the start but she gradually showed her true colours, growing more manipulative and egotistical as their relationship progressed. It was stifling. He had no reprieve, even when they’d split, he’d see her at work every day. He couldn’t take it anymore.

That was how he came to leave Cursed Princess Tattoos to start up on his own. Well, not completely alone. He had Yennefer. Granted, she was his ex too, a long time ago, but they’d parted as friends and continued as such ever since. She had been his rock during the aftermath of his break up with Renfri. She let him live with her until he found his feet again, she’d become his business partner and done the lion’s share of the paper work while he nursed his broken heart. He didn’t know what he’d do without her.

It had taken months but his shop was finally about to take off, he could feel it. A number of his old clients had followed him when he’d left Renfri’s shop, insistent that he was the only reason they ever went near the place. There were new clients too, as expected in a new part of town, that flocked to his shop. Thanks to Yennefer, social media pages had acted as some of his best advertising. He was finally making a real name for himself.

The first week had flown by. He and Yennefer had been run off their feet constantly but he assumed things would calm down after a while. Thankfully a short period of calm came on Saturday evening, his last appointment finished sooner than expected so he could take a break and do some exploring in the neighbourhood. Yennefer assured him she could hold the fort, allowing him to take a walk.

As he’d wandered out of the shop his gaze fell on the florist’s next door. A client he had consulted earlier that day had mentioned wanting a floral piece, a flower shop was a great place to find inspiration. At first, he’d thought they might be closed but the door was open. As he entered his eyes fell on the most gorgeous man sweeping the floor. His brown hair looked soft and artfully styled; a yellow flower perched behind his ear. His dark eyeliner only emphasised how bright the blue of his eyes was, matched by his stylish blue shirt and jeans. He was stunning. Geralt was smitten. He’d realised long ago that he liked men and women but he hadn’t come across a man that he found so attractive in years.

He snapped out of his daze and cleared his throat hoping to get the man’s attention. No response. He tried again and still nothing. He stepped forward to tap the man on the shoulder only for him to turn around and walk straight into Geralt’s chest.

They stood for a moment, both dazed and staring at each other before the florist broke their silence.

“Can I help you mister…?” He’d trailed off while he yanked is headphones out. *Ah,* thought Geralt, *that’s why he didn’t notice me come in.* Geralt immediately offered his hand.

“Geralt, Geralt Rivia. I own the tattoo shop next door.” He shook the florist’s hand firmly, a hint of a smile going unnoticed in his eyes. He generally kept a very stoic outward demeanour.

“Ah! My new neighbour! Julian Alfred Pankratz, at your service, but I prefer Jaskier.”

So that was his name. Jaskier. He quirked an eyebrow at the flamboyant bow he received and resisted the urge to scoff. This was a lively one, he could tell. He practically radiated positive energy.

“So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your presence this evening?” Jaskier asked him. Another eyebrow quirk, his presence was a pleasure then, was it?

~~~Back to presnt~~~

“I came for inspiration.” He stated simply. It was the truth. He watched Jaskier’s face split into a grin.

“Oh really?” the florist, “In that case, I can very much help you. How do you want me?” With that he struck a ridiculous pose and made what Geralt could only presume he thought to be a model face, which was more of an exaggerated pout. He could only scoff and roll his eyes at the antics, ignoring any possible subtext of the latter comment.

“For a floral tattoo.” He clarified, watching as Jaskier’s smile never faltered.

Okay, maybe Jaskier was being a little too flirtatious with the ‘how do you want me’ thing but in his defence, Geralt never even flinched, merely rolled his eyes and moved on. He’d take that as a good sign.

“Ah! That I can help with too.” He gestured grandly around the shop. “See anything you like the look of?” He knew he certainly did, watching Geralt like a hawk as he had a glance around the shop. That man was something to behold.

Geralt shrugged, and moved to browse around the shop. If he was honest, the thing he most liked the look of was the owner, not his wares. He pushed that thought from his head and thought about his client. What had they discussed before?

“Sunflowers.” He said aloud, “My client said something about sunflowers.” He cast his gaze over the room searching for a bright flash of yellow, but although there were plenty of yellow flowers, there seemed to be no sunflowers. He frowned.

Jaskier noticed the frown. “I’m sorry. They’re quite popular at this time of the year, we sold out some time this afternoon.” It was just then that a flash of brilliance struck his brain. “Although, we’ll be getting more in first thing on Monday morning, if you would like to come by then?” He suggested, trying to mask the eagerness in his voice at the opportunity to see the tattoo artist again. He hadn’t known the man for more than five minutes but he felt drawn to him, despite the intimidating aura he gave off. He wanted to get to know him.

Geralt gave a deep, non-committal “Hmm.” As he glanced around the shop once more, before returning his gaze to the florist. He considered it. His client definitely said sunflowers specifically. And he certainly would not be opposed to seeing Jaskier again. He almost shook his head physically as he rid himself of that thought. *Stop it, its far too soon after her to be thinking about someone in that way* he reasoned with himself. While yes, the man was attractive, he knew nothing about him. They might have absolutely nothing in common. He might be just another heartbreak waiting to happen. With his stupid grin, and his stupid hair and his stupid, pretty eyes. *Fuck. * He needed to get a grip. Still, it wouldn’t do any harm to come back, with his customer’s best interests in mind, of course;

“Sure, I can find time.” That’s it Geralt, play it cool. He didn’t need to go rushing into anything. Besides it was basically just business and there’s no harm in being civil to the guy. Who knows, they might end up friends. Well, maybe acquaintances.

Jaskier tried to quell the traitorous swell of hope in his chest that he might have something resembling a chance with this guy. But, hey, if not maybe they could be friends at least. But for now, he must remain calm.

“Great, we open at nine.” He beamed. He glanced at the clock on the wall. Was that the time? “Also, we’re technically closed at the minute so….” He trailed off hoping Geralt would take the hint. While he would love to stand and chat all night, he had things to do.

Geralt answered with another “Hmm.”, this one more amused than the last. The smaller man certainly wasn’t behind the door. Normally most people would be more intimidated and would not try to get rid of his in such an unsubtle way.

“I’ll see you Monday then.” And with that he turned on his heel and left without another word.

“Nice meeting you!” Jaskier called after him with a wave. He was dumbfounded by the tattoo artist next door. He was so brooding and mysterious. A man of very few words and yet Jaskier was hanging off every “hmm”, let alone word. He needed to snap out of this. It was just a silly crush. And he could only imagine the stick he’d get if Ciri copped on. Speaking of, where was she with his iced latte? He needed to cool off.

#the witcher #the witcher netflix #geralt of rivia #geralt x jaskier #geralt z rivii #jaskier #tattoo artist/florist au #geraskier #tattoo geralt/ florist jaskier

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dumbkombuchakid · 4 years ago

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I’m finding more and more that mindfulness and awareness play a massive role in everything. All the growth I’ve undergone has been rooted in cultivating those skills in myself.

Getting curious instead of judgmental, asking questions and being objective, letting go of outcome and expectations. All of these things seem tiny and maybe insignificant on paper; but in practice have made all the difference for me.

This past Thursday, I met with my therapist (as I usually do on Thursdays) and she told me she was proud of me. I am so grateful for that feedback, for her helping to contribute to my awareness of myself. Awareness extends beyond the present moment, it encompasses patterns and trends and habits and intentions and consequences. It informs decisions and aids processing and understanding. Awareness is the key to it all.

She commended me for staying in wise-mind while telling her about a situation that was upsetting me. She noted that though I had the opportunity to allow my emotions to take control, to pull me into a spiral, I made a choice to remain in control. That’s not what I would’ve done a year ago. That might not even be what I would’ve done a few months ago. Her providing that feedback about my new patterns and trends, specifically my ability to abstain from following old, maladaptive patterns and trends, brought that new data into my awareness. It’s very difficult to be cognizant of your own patterns. It requires parallel processing of data about several versions of yourself in different but comparable situations across a timeline. That’s not a skill that comes naturally; that depth of data about each version of ourselves just isn’t stored.

I am proud of myself. I’m proud of my ability to say that I’m proud of myself; proud of my capacity to believe that I’m proud of myself. For the larger majority of my life (I’m talkin 1st 19 years) I refused to allow pride to penetrate my consciousness. I grew up fearing that I’d slip into narcissism and lose who I was, instead developing into some spawn of my father; a figure I’d associated with all things self-centered and antisocial. Any shred of pride or self-esteem was too great a risk; I’d rather be humble and miserable but secure in my pro-social self-appraisal. I vividly remember the day I felt true self worth for the first time. It was in june, a month before I’d turn 20. That day came a few years after another significant (in hindsight) day when I began working with my current therapist. I fear I may accidentally catalog the past several years here for the sake of clarity and continuity, but the main takeaway point is that I’ve undergone immense growth, all a result of my own innervism.

Innervism is a term I’m borrowing from Elizabeth Lesser, the author of the book Cassandra Speaks. It refers to inward awareness and intentional growth. Tuning in to tune up. If not for facing the things about myself that I didn’t want to get true, I’d never have reached a point where I’m able to act with intention and display a self of whom I’m proud.

I’m far from perfect, and I’ve made a personal vow to never stop growing, learning, listening, and adapting. I will never reach my final form; there is always room for growth.

My point in writing right now is to address some of the cognitive behaviors I’ve noticed myself exhibit when in relationships. In the beginning, when things are wonderful and new and affection has a strong presence, I latch on. I start to fantasize about the future and how my life could play out with this other individual by my side, treating me the way they do at the beginning.

This tendency to idealize based on that first impression, that best-behavior scenario, extends into the period when things begin to slip. When the negligence begins, when manipulative tactics begin being employed. When I am expected both to change myself and also to unilaterally accept the other’s lack of change. I am projected to grow into a mould that aligns with their current state, rather than the two of us developing into a new shape, together.

Internally, this is accompanied by a fear of communicating my feelings. A hesitation to go against the grain and a tendency to shrink and abide by these new terms of engagement. I get quiet and small and they become all powerful. I am aware of the red flags and harm and damage and yet I remain docile and strive for perfection in their eyes.

This is how I’ve always done it, it’s how I’ve been conditioned to behave in relationships. I’ve been conditioned to accept that A) there will be a power imbalance and B) it will not favor me.

I no longer accept that. Today I did something that past me would not have done.

A few important things to note about the situation that allowed me to make this development are that:

1. my “picker” is getting pickier. I’ve always fallen into relationships with narcissists in the past, not because I chose them, but because they chose me and I only knew how to go along. This time, in my current relationship, I made a choice as much as they did. The quality of their character actually had a chance to play a role in deciding whether or not the relationship was worth pursuing.

2. I trust them. I trust that they care about me and want this to work. I trust that they want me to be happy and healthy and that they’re willing to grow.

We didn’t talk much today because he had a big day of doing things that I won’t get into, but then tonight when we did finally get to talk, we spent a long time discussing his day in depth and then never shifted to talking about me. Instead, he started multitasking and doing other things and talking and singing to himself. I told him if he wanted to do those things that was fine, but if we were going to be on the phone that I wanted to him to talk to me, to pay me attention. This didn’t actually turn a result, which hurt me.

Eventually, he got tired and said he was going to turn in, and wished me a goodnight. I said goodnight too, without my typical enthusiasm or affection, and he noticed that those were missing. Instead of asking why though, he simply told me to say it like I meant it, since he didn’t believe me. He has a tendency to make jokes when I’d really rather he be serious, and I’ve stopped laughing along and instead stay true to the tone I want to be received. I don’t want to diminish the weight and value my thoughts and feelings deserve. I’ve decided to not accept less than I deserve.

We hung up and I journaled a bit and felt myself getting worked up, and this is where I did a few things I’m proud of.

I called him back. He didn’t answer, so I recorded a snapchat video and told him how certain aspects of our conversation made me feel, and how I had realized that if I didn’t tell him then he’d have no way to know that those things had hurt and upset me.

This was honestly terrifying, and sending it (and not getting an immediate response) made me feel a whole other type of awful.

I decided to set a timer for 15 minutes and meditate. During my meditation, I focused on a few things. I repeatedly reminded myself that I must let go of outcome; remind myself that I spoke only about my feelings and my feelings deserve to be heard. Silencing all the spiraling thoughts about the conversations that could follow was hard, and I noticed the colors in my awareness shift as more potential outcomes forced their way in. I repeated the mantra “I deserve love” to myself and focused hard on not allowing expectations or theories about what could or may happen in. Those things aren’t real, they’re imagined. I forced myself to choose to refrain from processing events until an event actually occurred.

15 minutes passed and I felt a little lighter. Part of me still really just wanted to cry, but then eventually I got a notification. He said he was sorry, that it was more of a mental hiccup than a true representation of how he feels.

I thanked him - intentionally rerouting from a typical path of saying “it’s okay” in response to an apology. I then wished him sweet dreams and told him we’d talk tomorrow, and I meant it.

It was uncomfortable, I’ll admit. It’s never fun to confront something that hurts you, especially when it’s something or someone that you don’t want to lose. During my meditation I had to remind myself that if someone doesn’t value my feelings or have respect for me, then they aren’t the person I should be with. That’s terrifying - holding people to a higher standard. Choosing to not accept less than what I deserve is something almost completely foreign to me and is fucking scary, but it’s also sort of exhilarating. The idea that mutual respect is now a requirement, that my partner needs to give a shit about me and express that through their behavior is something I deserve. I never used to think about myself as deserving anything - at least not anything good. But now? I put so much effort into who I am and how I treat others. I’m a good, kind, caring person. I know that I am because I do it on purpose. I think that qualifies me as deserving someone who treats me the same.

It’s 5am now. My sleep schedule is off kilter in a big way. I’m going to finally stop and allow this day to end. I’ve already made a to-do list for tomorrow and I hope the day brings joy. I appreciate you reading what I have to write; it helps me to do this and I hope it helps you to read.

Goodnight and sweet dreams, remember that you deserve love.

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aromagni · 4 years ago

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Change Through the Aro Renaissance (Carnival of Aros, September 2020)

I have both witnessed and participated in many changes of the aro community. I remember being a baby aroace in 2015 and mostly lurking as I followed many aro and ace blogs. Back then, it seemed the aro community was mostly the aroace community, more linked to ace, not yet having developed its own identity. I remember trying to find more ways to engage in the aro community and stumbling upon aroplane, which was an aro forum before arocalypse, but I think it was inactive and I’d looked for forums during the absence between the two. After lurking and solidifying my confidence in my identity, I’d kinda drifted away from actively participating in the community at all for a little while, so I’m not particularly aware what happened in between; I’m vaguely aware the arocalypse forums were created in 2016, but it seems in my absence from the community in 2016-2017, much of what had been there had become lost, presumably decimated by the tolls of exclusionary discourse.

In 2018, I was in college where I could be more outwardly queer, and I started seeking out community more. On one hand, engaging with college queer organization made me want to bring more visibility to ace and aro things, especially aro….during this time, I met many alloro aces who I couldn’t relate to, which started pushing me towards centering my aro identity more. I remember wanting aro-spec awareness week recognized at my college and in trying to do so, realized the arospecawarenessweek tumblr had become inactive, for they had not updated the date that year. I started following more aro tumblr blogs and joined the forums and then joined an aro discord server that spring, and that was when I started to truly engage in the aro community.

It was exhilarating interacting with other aros, both on discord and then how we carried that over to tumblr. I fondly remember the coining of arogender and subsequently developing the flag for it. We all followed and reblogged from eachother and it made it energizing to engage in the community because we could feel confident that the effort we put forth to create things would not be wasted, because our content was shared amongst ourselves in our tiny community. Many of us blogging starting then had not really participated in the aro community before; many of us were my age, late high school to early college student aged, treading into actively participating in community for the first time, and thus our knowledge of our history and our terminology was distorted by time and viewed by the remaining crumb trails on the internet.

This was the time when our community was reborn, reborn from the ashes of the discourse and created into something new, a more independent aro community brighter than we’d ever been before: This was the aro renaissance. In fact, “aro renaissance” is part of the blog title we used when we made aromantic-official in May 2018. I’d had the idea because I noticed most of the older modded aro blogs of old had become dormant, and it would be good to have some sort of group ensuring the continuation of events like Aro-spec awareness week and maintaining resources like a glossary. At the time, we were thinking small in the context of a tumblr blog, but it was a start.

I remember around December 2018, many flags were made. There was the blue-orange aroace flag and shortly after I made an aroace flag of my own, and then an a-spec flag, and then there were other a-spec flags too I think; we were wanting to differentiate between a-spec, an umbrella term encompassing both aro-spec and ace-spec, from aroace, a specific identity indicating being both aro and ace at the same time...though there’s still some confusion between the two in terms of flag usage still. Shortly after, there was also an aro allo flag made, and the allosexual aro community grew as a more distinct established component of the aro community; no longer was the aro community solely an aroace community, we had become an independent aro community.

In late January 2019 I’d went to the Creating Change conference, where there was the first ever aro & ace hospitality suite and I interacted with other a-spec activists, including people from the fairly newly named TAAAP (The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project). It was refreshing seeing the advancement of aro activism as more than just a subset of ace, and interesting to see the development of activism out in more the “real” world rather than just on my corner of the internet. I remember then hearing how they were planning to host the first carnival of aros (inspired by the longer-running carnival of aces), and since then it has been nice having carnival of aros to foster discussion of many aro topics.

I remember that first carnival of aros coinciding with a lot of clashing between the aro and ace communities, sparked even more by the specific topic of the month relating aro and ace communities. I think we, the aro community, were frustrated at being ignored. The ace community had continued to grow and gain recognition and visibility, while claiming to represent us as well but in a way that was more a misrepresentation, depicting aro as a subset of ace, thus further erasing the reality of our experiences. We were frustrated and bitter, often justifiably so; even I as an aroace was frustrated with the ace communities treatment of aros at that point, and I know many aro allos were even more upset. I think we were also still less sure footed, with our community still establishing-itself, so as a result were more defensive and scrambling for anything we could claim as our own, often misguided by the often incomplete or misinformed scraps of posts around different words and such. (In hindsight I think there were some inaccuracies in my first carnival of aros post that february, but it was an accurate look at what we were frustrated and upset about at the time).

I remember also that February more was done to celebrate ASAW than had been in years previous, though it was still small. I also remember some divisiveness between the aroace and aro allo sides of the aro community, which caused an unfortunate binary which subsequently emphasized the need for terminology of aros who were neither asexual nor allosexual, thus many discussions about “non-SAM” aros, and other words for that concept. I think that continued well into that summer.

Speaking of that summer, in June 2019 AUREA was launched! This one wasn’t started by me, but naturally I ended up pulled into doing more aro activism stuff. AUREA (Aromantic-spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy) has wonderful resources including a comprehensive glossary with links (both original and archived) to sources and some flags, and also has various research and lists of other aro-inclusive orgs, including local ones. We also publish multiple articles a month, including a “What’s Going On” article at the start of each month covering what’s going on in the aro community, and then other articles about various topics. AUREA is everything I’d wanted when originally making the aromantic-official blog, but is so much more than I thought to hope for. We collaborated with other activists and made ASAW 2020 even bigger than before, and we also launched an aro census, and just so many different cool projects. It’s so cool having a good comprehensive centralized aro resource like AUREA and just having a specifically aro activism organization focusing on aro issues specifically, not just having aro included under aro & ace groups. I’m really proud of what we’ve been able to do and what we continue to do.

I feel like in the last year since AUREA has been formed, the aro community feels a lot more solidified and stable, like we’ve finally concretely established ourselves as an independent entity to be recognized. And even though we’re more solidified, we’re still growing and creating and innovating, there’s still this wonderful energy and motivation which we continue to grow with. Some other things have happened this year, in April 2020 we had to kinda scramble to keep the arocalypse forums going, and now I’m a mod there too because I don’t seem to know how to not be involved in things, especially because I vehemently care about seeing them continued. (Why is it always spring? 3 springs in a row I’ve gotten involved in big ongoing aro projects like that). Then June 2020, TAAAP pride chats started and have continued every month, which is a really cool opportunity for people from the a-spec community, both ace and aro, to gather to discuss various topics, and also to interact with various a-spec activists.

It’s been really fascinating watching and helping to aro community grow over the past few years, and I feel like I’ve grown with it. Through my activism, I’ve learned a lot about what I am good at and how I can work well in a team, which has helped me gain a lot of confidence about things where in-person experiences had made me lose confidence. It’s also kinda wild when I think about the scale of it all; the aro, and also ace, communities are really fairly small, such that it’s not hard to end up doing this activism on a national or international scale. I never really set out to be an activist, I just wanted to get involved and cared about improving things and have lots of ideas, so I kept doing things, and now I look at what I’ve done and realize that huh this is activism, I am an activist, and probably a rather prominent aro activist at that. It’s weird especially compared to how extremely ineffective I feel I’ve been at doing any sort of activism at my college, to then think of what I’ve managed to help accomplish on an international scale online. I feel inspired by the changes, the growth of the aro community, and I look forward to helping it grow even more.

#carnival of aros #aromantic #actually aromantic #aurea #aro community #aro activism #my post #magni’s thoughts #long post #not particularly organized/is kinda word vomit but many thoughts and is done so

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woman-loving · 4 years ago

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Transforming “Queer” into “Kvar”

Selection from "Queer Beograd Collective: Beyond Single-Issue Activism in Serbia and the Post-Yugoslav Space," by Bojan Bilić and Irene Dioli, in Intersectionality and LGBT Activist Politics: Multiple Others in Croatia and Serbia, ed. Bojan Bilić and Sanja Kajinić, 2016

Serbian LGBT activism has a relatively short history given that homosexuality was decriminalised in 1994. Soon after this routine revision of the penal code, which came as a surprise to the LGBT “community”,[5] the first gay and lesbian organisation Arkadija, operating from the early 1990s, was officially registered in July 1994. As the activist “scene” slowly differentiated, lesbian activists separated from Arkadija in 1995 to form a specifically lesbian non-governmental organisation, Labris (Mlađenović, this volume; Hura, this volume). It was this group that, inebriated by the ephemeral enthusiasm that followed the fall of Slobodan Milošević’s oligarchic regime in October 2000, misread the apparent “opening” of the political field and decided to stage the first Pride March in June 2001. The Pride—a feeling presumably “reserved” for other kinds of belonging in highly patriarchal environments—encountered an explosion of hooligan resistance and ended with around forty seriously injured activists (Bilić, 2016; Bilić & Kajinić, this volume). The then-Prime Minister Zoran Đinđić said in the wake of the event:

“I think that it is too early for a country that has been isolated for so long and under a patriarchal repressive culture to endure such a tolerance test. I am, of course, a supporter of tolerance in every sense and everyone is entitled to express their difference as long as they do not harm anyone else, and in this case there can be no harm because someone has different sexual affinities. That is the highest level of tolerance and I am afraid that we still need a certain period of time to reach it.” (B92, 2001, online)

The first attempt to stage a Pride March started the pairing of LGBT-oriented street protests with overtly homophobic aggression and inaugurated a chain of activist actions and immediate nationalist reactions sustained by the Serbian Orthodox Church. After the 2001 Pride, which became known within activist circles as the “massacre parade”, there was no initiative for Pride organisation in the following two years. In 2004, when the activists thought that the time was ripe for another attempt, they realised that they still could not count on political/state support and were yet again faced with homophobic threats, eventually cancelling the manifestation. In the words of Dušan Maljković (2013, online), a long-term LGBT activist from Belgrade:

“Forms of activism are often a local copy & paste of Western ones, which is very problematic because it implies a failure to consider the local context. This is the case, for example, of Pride parades, which many believe should be carried out like in the West at all costs, rather than reflect on how they might be reinvented to be made more effective.”

Queer Beograd Collective appeared in this context as a group of activists who decided to establish a safe haven in which the fluidity and richness of sexuality could be expressed and celebrated. A hamster with wings riding a bicycle was chosen as a logo because, as the activists stated (personal communication with Irene Dioli, 2009), “forming a queer collective in Belgrade was about as likely as finding a hamster with wings riding a bicycle”. They started condemning homophobic violence, which they perceived as a symbiosis of war,[6] clericalism, nationalism, militarism, and machismo that became deeply ingrained in the way in which politics was done by Serbian officials.[7] Accounting for the appearance of the Collective in their first Manifesto, issued in May 2005 as a “programmatic” statement of their first festival, the group members said:

“[…] the state and citizens are still ignorant toward problems of the LGBT population and all the others who are different. […] human rights are abused on a daily basis.

That is why this year we had a new concept—we refused to spend time on worries about violence that might happen and hiring private security or police. We wanted to build exciting cooperation between people on an international and local level, to have fun, and to promote queer politics. In this context to be queer means to refuse social rules and to constantly re-question supposed norms of patriarchal tradition. To create space beyond the rigid boxes of LGBT or straight sexuality, allowing each other the ‘privilege’ of self definition. To present a radical politics that sees the interconnectedness of all forms of oppression.” (Queer Beograd Collective, 2004)

The first “manifesto” introduced the concept of queer in its English original and announced that the initiative would attempt to offer a “holistic” approach to the frequent abuse of human rights by showing how various forms of discrimination stem from the same patriarchal nucleus. Over five days of the first festival, Do It Yourself, which took place in an abandoned building and gathered participants from Serbia, Croatia, Slovenia, Macedonia, Germany, Austria, and the United Kingdom, there were numerous art exhibitions, film screenings, performances, concerts, and workshops as well as a self-defence training. This event, which can be considered the start of grassroots queer activism in Belgrade, ended with a street party in the centre of the city, symbolically marking an attempt by the activists to, at least temporarily, claim a public space without provoking violent reactions (Dioli, 2011a).

However, after the initial enthusiasm to put an end to the incessant lamentations about Serbia’s backwardness and exclusion from the world, it became clear that the physical safety achieved through the use of the term queer did not come without a price. The activists and their sympathisers continued to grapple with the concept, some of them believing that the lack of violence and a sense of empowerment produced by the first festival could become possible because “queer” masked their sexual identities, which needed a more explicit politicisation.[8] At the “Queer Beograd Party & Politics” roundtable, organised within the second festival that took place in December 2005 and which lasted for three days, one of the participants said:

“I would like to describe a bit why I predominantly don’t identify or name myself queer, but rather lesbian. […] For me, using this term—which more or less has an Anglo-American connotation—is very questionable. […] There are these western paradigms which are most commonly translated, not just translated but sometimes copy/pasted to other regions, but not the other way around. This is also often the case with the term queer. It is very questionable, what we do with this translating of the concepts.” (transcribed by Irene Dioli, see Dioli, 2011a)

Thus, in the wake of the first festival, activists understood that “queer” did not really feel at home in the Serbian sociopolitical context. Although it could serve as a “folding screen” that would for a little bit of time keep hooligans “in check”, the concept was not widely known either within the Serbian LGBT “community”, which was supposed to be addressed by and take part in the Queer Beograd Collective festivals. Bearing this in mind, Jet Moon, a performer and one of the group’s founders, said in December 2005:

“After our first festival in Beograd, we realised it’s not enough to try and stage a queer DIY festival in Serbia, because for a start no one knows what queer is! On the one hand this is useful because the fascists and homophobes don’t come to attack us, on the other it means we don’t make contact with the community of people we want to play with. We don’t want to make a new kind of closet, but we use the word queer for a reason, for us it means more than the right to freedom of sexual expression.” (Moon, Party & Politics Roundtable, transcribed by Irene Dioli, see Dioli 2011a)

The second festival, self-financed like its predecessor a few months earlier, brought yet another series of performances, movie screenings, parties, and theoretical discussions on gender, sexuality, politics, and art. It was organised and attended by activists and artists from the former Yugoslav states and their guests from the United Kingdom, Italy, and the United States. In contrast to the first event, which was supposed to acknowledge the presence of those who tend to be left out of the heteronormative paradigm, the second one was devoted to a closer engagement with the creative political potential of the concept of queerness in the Serbian/post-Yugoslav context. As a result of these discussions, the third Queer Beograd festival, which took place in October 2006, rounded the evolutionary trajectory of the concept of queer within the initiatives of this activist group by substituting it with the Serbo-Croatian word kvar, meaning malfunction. Thus, the “manifesto” of the third festival read:

“In Serbian there is no word that means queer, no way to say what we mean about queer being more than LGBT equality. For us queer means radical, inclusive, connecting to all kinds of politics and being creative about how we live in this world. So our new festival is called “Kvar”, a technical term literally translating to mean “a malfunction in a machine”, because in this world of capitalism, nationalism, racism, militarism, sexism, and homophobia, we want to celebrate ourselves as a malfunction in this machine. We dare to resist conformity and go against what is accepted to create something about living and justice, not false productivity, war, and money. We are happy to present to you “Kvar—the malfunction”, a festival celebrating diversity and freedom of sexual expression, celebrating everyone who fights against the system.” (Queer Beograd Collective, 2006)

Dioli (2011b) notes how the translation of queer as kvar preceded the publication of Judith Halberstam’s book The Queer Art of Failure, which questions conventional notions of success in a heteronormative, capitalist society. The choice of the word kvar, thus, becomes particularly relevant in the context of the so-called “queer asynchrony” and “temporal disjunction” that Mizielińska and Kulpa (2011) use to explain the relationship between Western and Eastern queer activisms. Although departing with a noble goal of “de-centring” Western sexualities, they stick to a Western point of reference that inevitably portrays Eastern European countries as lagging behind their Western “models” (Takács, 2013 ). With this in mind, “the Serbian queer movement may almost seem to have anticipated the times. This may help dismantle some stereotypes of ‘Eastern’ LGBT and queer movements running after ‘Western’ thought and conquests in a linear trajectory of development” (Dioli, 2011b , online). By opting for the word kvar, which, while being phonetically similar to the word queer, encapsulates the essence of their politics, the Belgrade Queer Collective activists showed how a foreign concept can be appropriated in the local context. “The local subjects found a brilliant synthesis on the linguistic as well as semantic level, and thus fully ‘localised’ the original term” (Dioli, 2011a , p. 164).

#lgbtq history #lgbt history #serbia #queer #queer beograd collective #Bojan Bilic

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illfoandillfie · 4 years ago

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Could I get a Year Ahead reading and/or a Heart Compass reading? Thank you so much!! (I really enjoy your blog btw!! <3 )

here you go darl, I just did the year ahead reading cause it’s quite a long one but if you still want the heart compass just send me another message!

Okay so, each card here represents a month of 2021.

January: Knight of Pentacles

This knight represents efficiency, hard work and responsibility. He’s the least kinetic of all the knights, his horse almost at a standstill but he’s thinking about what’s ahead, carefully considering the coin he holds. He is committed to his task and he’s approaching his path with care. January will be about setting goals and starting on the path towards them. They may feel far off or had to achieve but the knight of pentacles is patient and methodical in his approach so don’t worry if you don’t seem to be making progress straight away. This knights is seen as responsible, reliable and committed to his work so it may be that you find yourself with a few extra responsibilities either in relation to work or at home, but know that you are up to the task.

February: 3 of Pentacles

Another pentacle card. This may be a indication that a situation at work or a work related project will be occupying your time during the beginning of the year. The 3 of Pentacles is about teamwork, collaboration and building. February will be a good month to connect with others. It may be that a group project will be undertaken but this card is generally a symbol of honest and supportive teamwork whether that be business partnerships, friendships, or relationships amongst family members. Whatever the case my be, this is a good time to seek advice from others, especially those with more experience than you who may be able to help you move towards accomplishing your goals. But be wary of conflicts of ego, disorganisation and other aspects that may cause a lack of teamwork.

March: 3 of Swords

I’m not going to lie to you, this is one of the most unhappy cards in the deck. This is the second 3 card you’ve had in a row so February and March may be highly social months for you as the 3s generally refer to group communication. The 3 of Swords is about heartbreak and suffering though. March may bring challenges with it. It could be a separation or falling out with someone close to you, it could be that your workplace creates new or unexpected challenges that take a toll, it could be a significant block in the path towards your goals. Being a 3 card it might also indicate interference from a third party that causes you trouble (particularly in the case of conflict within a relationship). Whatever it is, it likely won’t be easy to overcome. March will be a month of pain and healing. Be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself and remember that more often than not suffering and heartache will lead to better things, even if it takes a little time.

April: 8 of Swords

Another Sword card. The Swords are the suit that represents the mind so it seems that during this period, your focus will be aimed internally and whatever situation arises during March will continue to be on your mind through April as well. The 8 of swords is about feeling trapped or imprisoned, however, escape is possible. The woman on the card is bound and blind folded and surrounded by swords but her feet are free and she is able to move. All she has to do is master her fear and anxiety and take a step forward. Whatever pain you are dealing with this month is being prolonged by dwelling on it constantly. April will be about letting go of whatever is holding you back and moving forward. It may not be easy - the woman can move but she’s still surrounded by danger and she’s not likely to leave without a few cuts and scrapes - but it is possible. Only you can let go of the fear and the sadness and only you can make yourself move.

May: The Lovers

Our first major arcana! Obviously The Lovers card can be a strong indication of a positive romantic situation, whether it’s with an existing partner or someone you meet in the first few months of the year. But The Lovers is more than just romance, it can also represent overcoming trials. Whatever setbacks you faced in March and April are coming to an end. May will be about refocusing on what you want and how to achieve it. The Lovers card represents attraction which may of course be an indication of attraction to another person in a romantic or sexual sense. If you already have a partner at this stage of the year it’s a sign of strengthening that connection and if you’re single it may be a good time to put yourself out there and try to meet someone. Attraction can also indicate a good time in relation to finances or career so if you’re thinking of switching jobs or applying for a promotion, May could be the time to look into that.

June: The Tower

The Tower often scares people. And with good reason. It’s a symbol of sudden upheaval, broken pride, disasters. Even just the imagery of the card is kinda scary - a tower on fire, people falling from it. But sudden upheaval can be good, even if it’s stressful, it can lead to better things. And The Tower doesn’t end with the ruins, it’s rebuilt with a stronger foundation. June may bring a big change with it, something unexpected, or it may just be a time of chaos. The change may be related to the situation that’s been happening since March, and June will be a time to rebuild and resettle yourself. Either way, don’t fall into the trap of resisting change too much. You can delay the inevitable but it will happen eventually.

July: Ace of Wands

The aces are cards of beginnings and potential, and the ace of wands specifically is about creation, willpower, creativity and progress. July is going to be a fruitful month for you. The chaos of the Tower is quieting, and you’re feeling ready to move forward from whatever issues occurred in the first half of the year. The creativity that is referenced in this card could be a creative project you’re working on, or it could be creativity in a more cosmic sense that indicates a time to find your voice or develop your own vision. It’s certainly a time to just go for it though, whatever it is. Whereas the Knight of Pentacles was about carefully considering your steps, the ace of wands is about action and movement. You’ve thought things through, you’ve considered your options, you may have made adjustments depending on what happened during the year, now it the time to actively and energetically make progress. You’re being handed a wand which traditionally in magic are used to focus your power. It’s up to you how you use that power though. Focus it towards achieving your goals and success will be likely.

I will warn you however, that the ace of wands can sometimes be related to the creation of life as well as birth and families so if that’s not a goal of yours or something you want at this point and you are sleeping with anyone, I highly recommend you use protection lmao.

August: 2 of Wands

Another wands card. The suit of wands is associated with fire and thus energy. This part of the year is going to be about being driven and active in working towards your goals. Theres a restlessness to this card though. The 2 of Wands depicts a lord looking out over his lands and alternately looking at the globe he holds in his hands. What he has achieved so far isn’t enough. You’ve made steps towards getting what you want but you still have some work to do. It may be that something is holding you back during August or something is making you hesitate but the 2 of wands is about taking risks and leaving your comfort zone for something new. August will be a time to continue with your plans, continue on your path.

September: 5 of Swords

The 5 of Swords is a card of ambition. It may indicate conflict but doesn’t always. Certainly the conflict isn’t as drastic as earlier cards we’ve seen. It can also be a sign of sneakiness or trickery. With that in mind, in September you may have to deal with someone working against you or undermining you even if it’s subtly. However, good intent can be sneaky or tricksy and it may in fact be referring to your own need to stand up for yourself or an approach you take in trying to reach your goals. Either way, ambition is key during September. Stay hungry for what you wish to achieve and keep working towards it.

October: The Moon

The Moon is an interesting card. On one hand, it can represent intuition, listening to yourself and trusting yourself to correctly read a situation. One the other it can be about the unknown, darkness, deception or illusions. If the 5 of Swords was in fact referring to someone working against you this may be a continuation of that situation. However, it may also be a warning not to create danger or enemies where there are none. Be wary but don’t assume the worst of everyone. In October you may be embarking into unknown territory - new responsibilities at work or something new within a relationship or social circle.

November: Queen of Cups

You started the year as a knight, just setting out on his journey, careful and methodical and now, towards the end of it, you’re appearing as a Queen. That shows growth and progress being made. The Queen of cups rules the emotional realm and yet her cup his closed off with a lid. She’s not one to spill her emotions anywhere and may come off a little guarded but she is compassionate and kind and empathetic to others. She represents calm and comfort. November is going to be a much calmer month that previous ones, though emotions may run high. The Queen of Cups also symbolises success and happiness and actions helping a dream become real. If the goal you set at the beginning of the year (or in July with the ace of wands) was a short term goal it may be that November will the month when your success becomes clear. Or, if it was a more long-term goal that you expect to take a few years to achieve (or even if it’s just taking longer than you’d hoped because of setbacks), November should give you something tangible to mark your progress.

December: 10 of Wands

There is accomplishment in the 10 of wands but also responsibility and burden. If your goal was achieved in November this may indicate a rise in responsibility or business that follows. Otherwise it’s just saying that there is still work to be done. December is a time to celebrate what you have achieved but also to recognise that there is more that can be done. It’s also a time to examine the load you carry and sort through it. Re-shoulder what you need to but don’t be afraid to let go of things that no longer serve you to make your load easier in the next year.

I drew 4 oracle cards as a kind of energetic overview of your coming year.

From the Destiny Cards deck is the word Commitment. This was definitely reflected in the Knight of Pentacles but it’s a theme that will carry throughout your year. You need to commit to your plans, commit to your goals, in order to get what you want. It may also be related to a committed relationship, whether its a deeper commitment of one that exists or committing to someone new. Or perhaps there is a cause or obligation you will commit to during the course of the year.

From the Elemental Oracle we have Pressure: Transformation. This is the 26th card in the deck to the numbers 26 or 8 may be important to you during the year. Pressure can be positive or negative depending on the circumstances and your point of view. And from the tarot cards drawn it is likely you will feel some pressure and stress this year but this card is about using that pressure as a shaping force and letting it transform you into someone stronger.

From the Believe In Your Own Magic deck we have Confidence - It comes with time and practice. This is card number 23 so 23 or 5 may be meaningful numbers (or perhaps 2 is since it appeared in both cards). There may be times during the year where you feel powerless or feel as if you’re losing your confidence. This card is telling you that its okay to feel like that. Confidence isn’t innate, it’s learned. It takes time and practice to feel confident about yourself or to trust your decisions. Give yourself the space to unlearn any toxic thoughts that may be hindering you and seek out situations or people that make you feel more confident about your choices.

And finally, From the Making Magic deck we have the sigil for Healing. This definitely ties into a few of the tarot cards. Parts of this year are going to be heavily focused on healing and recovery. It could be related to mind, body or soul or a mix of all three.

Last but not least, I pulled a handful of charms and dropped them over the cards to see if we could get any clarification or further details. They’re probably a bit hard to see but I’ll go through them.

On January we have the words Star and Of so this may be and indication of a spotlight of sorts being on you, perhaps you’ll make an impression as someone particularly knowledgeable about something. The star within tarot is a symbol of hope, so it could be a hope of reaching your goal or achieving something. It could also be saying Start of.... since this is the beginning of the year and as I said before, the knight of pentacles is related to starting on the path towards your goals. Beside them we have my old school badge which features the words fortiter et suaviter which is latin for strength and gentleness. These may be traits you should hold onto or keep in mind as you approach the year ahead. It may also indicate that the goals you set or the path you start on will be related to school/uni or learning.

On Feb we have a badge with a happy ice cream. I see this as an indication of a positive time, something sweet, perhaps a treat of some sort or something unexpectedly good coming from this teamwork.

Over March we have the word you and a badge that says Woo! The badge was a little unexpected considering the general unhappy feeling of the card but I think it’s really just indicating that while the situation may hurt, it will be for the best in the long run. Between this card and the next we have a shell. Shells often represent the unconscious mind which is interesting considering these are both swords cards. I think it suggests that the issues that begin in march are what will be in your thoughts the most in April. It could also indicate growing a strong defence mechanism or coping strategy to get through this time. Seashells are also obviously linked to the sea so there may be a connection to the beach or the ocean in some way.

Also on April we have the words Star and Love as well as a little blue “candy” heart that says Heart Eyes. This may indicate that the situation which leads to your fear or feelings of being trapped is related to romance in some way. As I said before the star represents hope so it may have been that you were hopeful of a relationship moving in a particular way or hopeful of connecting with someone and by it not going the way you wanted, you’ve been left feeling anxious or worried or trapped.

On May we have Internally Screaming. To me this is a good thing, particularly since between this card and the next is my charm representing The Sun. The sun in tarot is straight positive vibes. So whatever situation is indicated in this card is a good one. It might also be that you approach something calmly from the outside but inside you’re screaming about how wild or weird or unexpected it is.

Dropping down to July we have the lock. Potential. You don’t know what been locked away but you know something is there.

Connecting Jan to Aug we have the scissors. Interestingly both these cards are about moving forward but with different energies. The scissors represent cutting - cutting through red tape, cutting unnecessary thoughts or unhelpful influences from your life, cutting away the bullshit to reveal the heart of what you want. On Aug we also have the owl. A symbol of knowledge and wisdom. Owls are birds which can fly and thus also represent freedom or taking flight. Very fitting for the 2 of wands.

On Sep we have the word Give which could indicate a need to give something or that someone will give you something - a helping hand, encouragement, a literal object. The camera icon makes me think of the phrase “take a picture, it’ll last longer”. It’s a reminder to stop every now and then and take in the moment. It could also represent your ability to decide how a moment or time in your life will be remembered. Your perspective of a situation will change how you remember that time when you look back months or years later. The triangle also appears on this card. This may indicate that three people or parties are involved in the situation. But, it’s an equilateral triangle which indicates balance in your life and peace of mind. Now is not a time to make rash decisions but look at things from multiple perspectives.

On Oct we have the word Like which would be indicating that you’ll like the outcome of this situation or something that occurs this month. There’s another charm there which I should have laid down before I took the photo but it’s a little figurine of the pokemon oddish. To me oddish represents change and transformation because pokemon evolve but there’s a choice here too. Oddish can either evolve into vileplume or bellossom depending on which stone it uses. You have a choice here or two ways to view things. This message is I think enhanced by the Moon card itself which features two canines and two towers.

Over Nov we have the words Happy and Good. I think those are pretty self explanatory and definitely fit with the happiness of the queen of cups. We also have a book which indicates knowledge and learning.

Finally, over the Dec card, we have a badge that says Stand Up and Take Action/Make Poverty History. This may be an indication that during December you’ll have a chance to stand up for yourself, voice an opinion. It may also relate to the “burden” indicated in the 10 of wands. It may feel heavy and cumbersome and hard to carry but it’s worth the work.

#card readings

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ucflibrary · 4 years ago

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Ready to fly your flag?

Pride Month has arrived! While every day is a time to be proud of your identity and orientation, June is that extra special time for boldly celebrating with and for the LGBTQIA community (yes, there are more than lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender in the queer community). June was chosen to honor the Stonewall Riots which happened in 1969. Like other celebratory months, LGBT Pride Month started as a weeklong series of events and expanded into a full month of festivities.

In honor of Pride Month, UCF Library faculty and staff suggested books from the UCF collection that represent a wide array of queer authors and characters. Click on the read more link below to see the full list, descriptions, and catalog links.

With the Libraries’ on remote resource access, the usual extended physical display isn’t available so we have created a list of ebooks and streaming videos that you can access from the comfort of your home.

A Wild and Precious Life: a memoir by Edie Windsor A lively, intimate memoir from an icon of the gay rights movement, describing gay life in 1950s and 60s New York City and her longtime activism which opened the door for marriage equality. Edie Windsor became internationally famous when she sued the US government, seeking federal recognition for her marriage to Thea Spyer, her partner of more than four decades. The Supreme Court ruled in Edie's favor, a landmark victory that set the stage for full marriage equality in the US. Beloved by the LGBTQ community, Edie embraced her new role as an icon; she had already been living an extraordinary and groundbreaking life for decades. Suggested by Kelly Young, Administration

How We Fight for Our Lives: a memoir by Saeed Jones Haunted and haunting, Jones's memoir tells the story of a young, black, gay man from the South as he fights to carve out a place for himself, within his family, within his country, within his own hopes, desires, and fears. Through a series of vignettes that chart a course across the American landscape, Jones draws readers into his boyhood and adolescence--into tumultuous relationships with his mother and grandmother, into passing flings with lovers, friends and strangers. Each piece builds into a larger examination of race and queerness, power and vulnerability, love and grief: a portrait of what we all do for one another--and to one another--as we fight to become ourselves. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

How to Write an Autobiographical Novel: essays by Alexander Chee Chee’s manifesto on the entangling of life, literature, and politics, and how the lessons learned from a life spent reading and writing fiction have changed him. In these essays, he grows from student to teacher, reader to writer, and reckons with his identities as a son, a gay man, a Korean American, an artist, an activist, a lover, and a friend. He examines some of the most formative experiences of his life and the nation's history, including his father's death, the AIDS crisis, 9/11, the jobs that supported his writing--Tarot-reading, bookselling, cater-waiting for William F. Buckley—the writing of his first novel, Edinburgh, and the election of Donald Trump. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

Juliet Takes a Breath by Gabby Rivera Juliet Milagros Palante is leaving the Bronx and headed to Portland, Oregon. She just came out to her family and isn't sure if her mom will ever speak to her again. But Juliet has a plan, sort of, one that's going to help her figure out this whole "Puerto Rican lesbian" thing. She's interning with the author of her favorite book: Harlowe Brisbane, the ultimate authority on feminism, women's bodies, and other gay-sounding stuff. With more questions than answers, Juliet takes on Portland, Harlowe, and most importantly, herself. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

No Tea, No Shade: new writings in Black queer studies edited by E. Patrick Johnson This book brings together nineteen essays from the next generation of black queer studies scholars, activists, and community leaders who build on the foundational work of black queer studies, pushing the field in new and exciting directions. Suggested by Jada Reyes, Research & Information Services

Over the Top: a raw journey to self-love by Jonathan Van Ness Before he stole our hearts as the grooming and self-care expert on Netflix’s hit show Queer Eye, Jonathan was growing up in a small Midwestern town that didn’t understand why he was so…over the top. From choreographed carpet figure skating routines to the unavoidable fact that he was Just. So. Gay., Jonathan was an easy target and endured years of judgement, ridicule and trauma—yet none of it crushed his uniquely effervescent spirit. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll come away knowing that no matter how broken or lost you may be, you’re a Kelly Clarkson song, you’re strong, and you’ve got this. Suggested by Kelly Young, Administration

Queer, Trans, and Intersectional Theory in Educational Practice: student, teacher, and community experiences edited by Cris Mayo and Mollie V. Blackburn Queer theory, trans theory, and intersectional theory have all sought to describe, create, and foster a sense of complex subjectivity and community, insisting on relationality and complexity as concepts and communities shift and change. This collection brings these crucial theories together to inform pedagogies across a wide array of contexts of formal education and community-based educational settings. Suggested by Anna Dvorecky, Cataloging

Real Queer America: LGBT stories from red states by Samantha Allen Allen takes us on a cross-country road-trip stretching all the way from Provo, Utah to the Rio Grande Valley to the Bible Belt to the Deep South. Her motto for the trip: "Something gay every day." Making pit stops at drag shows, political rallies, and hubs of queer life across the heartland, she introduces us to scores of extraordinary LGBT people working for change, from the first openly transgender mayor in Texas history to the manager of the only queer night club in Bloomington, Indiana, and many more. Suggested by Sandy Avila, Research & Information Services

Shakesqueer: a queer companion to the complete works of Shakespeare edited by Madhavi Menon Exploring what is odd, eccentric, and unexpected in the Bard’s plays and poems, these theorists highlight not only the many ways that Shakespeare can be queered but also the many ways that Shakespeare can enrich queer theory. This innovative anthology reveals an early modern playwright insistently returning to questions of language, identity, and temporality, themes central to contemporary queer theory. Chasing all manner of stray desires through every one of Shakespeare’s plays and poems, the contributors cross temporal, animal, theoretical, and sexual boundaries with abandon. Together they expand the reach of queerness and queer critique across chronologies, methodologies, and bodies. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

Sister Outsider: essays and speeches by Audre Lorde In this charged collection of fifteen essays and speeches, Lorde takes on sexism, racism, ageism, homophobia, and class, and propounds social difference as a vehicle for action and change. Her prose is incisive, unflinching, and lyrical, reflecting struggle but ultimately offering messages of hope. This commemorative edition includes a new foreword by Lorde-scholar and poet Cheryl Clarke, who celebrates the ways in which Lorde's philosophies resonate more than twenty years after they were first published. Suggested by Jada Reyes, Research & Information Services

Stories I Told Myself: a memoir by Brian D. Crimmins (UCF Thesis) Stories I Told Myself: A Memoir explores the experience of growing up gay in the 1980s. It is one boy's journey toward self-acceptance set against the conservative backdrop of a rural community on California's central coast. The story illuminates the hunger for a life different than the one being lived, and the ever-present sense of being different exacerbated by bullying and unrequited love. It is a narrative of evolving identity, and includes cultural insights and societal context of the time period. The author poses a fundamental question, "How did I make it out of the 80's alive?" and he explores the answer with poignant humor and self-examination. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

The Book of Pride: LGBTQ heroes who changed the world by Mason Funk Captures the true story of the LGBTQ civil rights movement from the 1960s to the present through richly detailed, stunning interviews with the leaders, activists, and ordinary people who witnessed the revolution and made it happen. Suggested by Megan Haught, Teaching & Engagement/Research & Information Services

The Crimson Letter: Harvard, homosexuality, and the shaping of American culture by Douglas Shand-Tucci Historian Douglass Shand-Tucci explores the nature and expression of sexual identity at America's oldest university during the years of its greatest influence. The Crimson Letter follows the gay experience at Harvard in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, focusing upon students, faculty, alumni, and hangers-on who struggled to find their place within the confines of Harvard Yard and in the society outside. Suggested by Pat Tiberii, Interlibrary Loan & Document Delivery Services

Time is the Thing a Body Moves Through by T Fleischmann Sebald meets Maggie Nelson in this autobiographical narrative of embodiment, visual art, history, and loss. T Fleischmann uses Felix Gonzales-Torres's artworks--piles of candy, stacks of paper, puzzles--as a path through questions of love and loss, violence and rejuvenation, gender and sexuality. From the back porches of Buffalo, to the galleries of New York and L.A., to farmhouses of rural Tennessee, the artworks act as still points, sites for reflection situated in lived experience. Suggested by Sara Duff, Acquisitions & Collections

Trauma, Violence, and Lesbian Agency in Croatia and Serbia: building better times by Bojan Bilić This book uncovers some of the major moments in the fragile and still poorly known herstory of feminist lesbian engagement in Serbia and Croatia. By treating the trauma of war, homophobia, and neoliberal capitalism as a verbally impenetrable experience that longs to be narrated, this monograph explores the ways in which feminist lesbian language has repeatedly emerged in the context of strong patriarchal silencing that has surrounded the armed conflicts of the Yugoslav succession. The book renders visible a surprising diversity of activist initiatives and the resilience of transnational affective ties, which testify to the creativity of lesbian activist mobilizations in the ambivalent semi-peripheral space that used to be Yugoslavia. Suggested by Anna Dvorecky, Cataloging

We Are Everywhere: protest, power, and pride in the history of Queer Liberation by Matthew Riemer and Leighton Brown Have pride in history. Through the lenses of protest, power, and pride, this is an essential overview -- and a visual record -- of the history of the Queer Liberation Movement in the United States. With exhaustively researched narrative and hundreds of stunning photographs, this sweeping book traces queer activism from its roots in the late-nineteenth-century -- long before the pivotal Stonewall Riots of 1969 -- to today, casting new light on many of the movement's trailblazing activists and organizations. Suggested by Christina Wray, Student Learning & Engagement

#ucflibrary #featured bookshelf #reading #booklr #lgbtqia+ pride #queer

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mikeshanlon · 5 years ago

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Happy Pride! .... Like... more than halfway through the month lmao sorry, better late than never ig! I’ve compiled a list of some of my fave LGBT+ books, as well as a few I’m planning to read for pride/in the near future. Please feel free to reblog and add some of your own recs, especially for the sexual and gender identities that are lacking in my list!!!!!

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz: This beautiful, wholesome coming of age novel is pretty popular on tumblr and with good reason! It’s set in the 1980′s and follows Aristotle, aka "Ari”, as he grows up an tackles with his identity-- he feels like his story is written by someone else, that his path is not up to his control. Whether this is due to his complex relationship with his family, or societal expectations/stereotypes of Latinx men, or the fact that maybe his friendship with Dante might be more than that, and that kinda terrifies him. (Rep: Gay, Latinx, (I believe this is own voices) Warnings: it’s been a minute since i’ve read this but i believe some racism, internalized homophobia, and an instance of violent transphobia)

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: LGKNLKNGRG okay this is truly one of my favorite books of the year so far and part of the whole reason i wanted to make this. This is a New Adult Contemporary romance set in sort of a like... parallel America where a woman won the presidential election. We follow The First Son, Alex Claremont-Diaz, who’s charming, smart ass, genius icon. Him, his sister June, and their best friend Nora are easily marketable and loved by the public for the most part, but when Alex and his rival Prince Henry of England get into a public spat at a Royal Wedding, Alex and Henry must pretend to be friends to patch up relations and public image for his mother’s re-election campaign. Eventually their fake friendship turns real, and then becomes more as they get to know each other, Alex and Henry begin a secret romance that we follow over the course of the re-election year. This book is fucking HILARIOUS (like I have so many tabs for funny moments and i was trying to be restrained), but it’s just so. Like full of love and hope and it’s so beautiful???? It’s definitely political escapism from our current situation in America but still deals with current issues such as racism and homopboia, etc, but gives the reader hope for future progress. Alex and Henry’s relationship is so fun, and sexy, and beautiful and the friendships are so iconic and Alex’s journey with sexuality is... chefs kiss. Also like. Casey McQuiston mentioned that she listened to Texas Reznikoff by Mitski a lot while writing this in the acknowledgments so. what more do you need... (Rep: Bisexual (Own Voices), Gay, Biracial-- Mexican/White (Own Voices), Warnings: Racism, homophobia, mentions of a past sexual harrassment/assault. Since this is a New Adult, there are smut scenes. I wouldn’t say it’s like. Super explicit or anything but there is sex, though it’s often during Important Moments of their relationships so it doesn’t feel like p*rn-- again the sex is happening but its not in hella explicit detail or anything or for the same goal as say an erotica. P much proceed with caution if it’s not ur thing but it’s not too wild!)

Blanca y Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore: This is sort of a Snow White/Rose Red and Ugly Duckling retelling following two sisters, Blanca and Roja, who’s family curse destines that one of the sisters will be trapped into a swan’s body, never to be seen again. (So this is magical realism lmao). We also follow two boys, Page and Yearling, who were wrapped up in the magic of the nearby woods, but have returned to society. Page is a gender queer trans male, and his whole arc that was so beautiful and made me cry, but in a good way (also warning that I’m cis so like. I would love to hear what gender queer trans individuals think about the rep in this book bc I cannot really attest to it.) This book is really about sisterly love and love in general, with all the complexities that come with it. (also wlw grandma’s who grow apple’s it’s p iconic) (Rep: Latinx-- colorism plays a huge role in the story as well (Own Voices), Gender Queer Trans, Queer (Own Voices) Warnings: Some transphobia, racism, and abuse). (I believe most of Anna-Marie McLemore’s books are magical realism and have some Latinx and queer elements to them as well)

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: god..... This (gay ass) novelization of The Illiad is just so tragically romantic and beautiful... We follow Achilles and Patroclus as they grow up and grow closer, and eventually fight the Trojan War. There are so many beautiful quotes and scenes but like. You will most likely cry so keep that in mind eklrgerg. (Rep: Gay Warnings: Violence, there’s like..... a weird r*pe/homophobic scene)

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan: YA Fantasy set in a world where there are three castes: Moon-- the highest caste, demons with animalistic features in a humanoid form, Steel-- humans with part demon physical features and abilities, and Paper-- fully human, the lowest caste. We follow our protaganist Lei, who despite being a Paper caste, has beautiful golden glowing eyes that end up garnering attention from the Demon King. She’s stolen from her home and forced to join The Paper Girls-- a group of paper caste concubines in training at the palace. As she tries to find a way to escape, she ends up falling for one of the other paper girls, Wren, who might be just the key to freedom. I love Lei and Wren’s relationship and I’m excited to see it play out in the sequel! (which i believe ngan said will introduce more LGBT characters) (Rep: Asian (Own Voices), WLW (I believe this is Own Voices as well). Warnings: As their role as concubines suggest, a large part of this book revolves around the patriarchy using women for power and sexual assualt/rape. There are no explicit rape scenes-- though they do occur ‘off screen’, however there are a couple attempted sexual assault scenes that I believe could be p triggering. This book is also largely about the Paper Girls taking back their power, and I don’t believe these scenes are done for shock value, however please proceed with caution. Subsequently, sexist and patriarchial views are present within the authority, though shunned by Lei, however there’s a lot of internalized sexism and objectification among some of the other Paper Girls.)

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell: I probably don’t have to talk about this one much since it’s super popular, but in what is like essentially Harry Potter but like gay and wholesome, we follow Simon Snow, the Chosen One who’s actually not that good at magic, his best friend Penelope, and his roommate and arch nemesis that’s totally a vampire but won’t admit it, Baz. (Except Baz is, like, totally in love with Simon and Simon’s just too dumb and wrapped up in his own shit to realize it). Truly just,... an iconic enemies to friends to lovers story that unfolds as the three of them try to uncover a mystery surrounding Baz’s late mother. Ik some people have found it confusing bc it’s sort of like starting the Harry Potter story off at book 7 and only getting some background info along the way but honestly I really enjoyed that lmao. Also there’s a sequel coming out this fall, Wayward Son. (Rep: Gay, Some POC rep. Warnings: not rlly any i dont think??? There’s like. some Homophobia lmao bc we can’t have a gay book without it.)

Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins: This is a cute YA contemporary following Millie Quint who, post being cheated on by her best friend and wanting to have a fresh start, flies to Scotland to finish off her senior year at her Dream prestigous boarding school, joining a handful of other girls as the first female class in the institution’s history. Plus like. Cool Rocks and Scotland. Only problem is that her roomate is sort of a bitch and also the Princess of Scotland who she totally just told off. So yeah yet another royal gay enemies to friends to lovers with a dash of and they were roomates LMAO. This book could be like.... a bit cheesy and rushed but overall it was cute and like...... The Cover.... (Rep: Bisexual, Lesbian, Warnings: Some homophobia. Also this is a companion novel to Prince Charming but you don’t have to read that first, there’s just some references to the couple in that book as the Prince is well.... The Princess’ brother and where they end up so if you don’t wanna be spoiled read that first ig!)

The Devouring Gray by Christine Lynn Herman: I talked about this some in this post, but I feel like I did kinda a shitty job so. A YA fantasy/paranormal series about the descendant’s of the town’s four founding families-- Violet Saunders, Justin Hawthorne, Harper Carlisle, and Isaac Sullivan (the most iconic one). The latter three have lived in Four Paths their whole lives, protecting the town from The Gray-- p much the Upside Down from Stranger Things lmao, using powers specific to each of their families. Violet and her mother move back after Violet’s sister died in a car accident, and she’s thrust into helping save the town as the Gray grows more restless and having to uncover the secrets of her family as well as all the history brewing between the other three. The Stranger Things and Riverdale comparisons are p valid, (but like. Riverdale in the sense of small town secrets and a bunch of tense history that the kids don’t really understand and must uncover, and some like love triangle but..... not Rlly Love triangles just a mess of ppl being like oh shit i like this person and this person.... Bisexual Chaos if u will... not like. The I’m cuckoo bananas for u let’s go get high and play dungeons and dragons and smash in a bunker LRGKJRLKGJ), the Raven Cycle comparison’s are kind of a stretch, I can see the abstract comparison’s if i squint but like. Don’t go into this expecting TRC lmao. I really enjoyed the theme of grief throughout this book and seeing the powers unfold (and one of the dynamics a lot) and while not perfect the series has a lot of potential and like. Bisexuals. So. (Rep: Bisexual (two mc’s are bi and say the word!!!!!!!! As well as some secondary characters), Disabled (one of the mc’s is missing one arm from the elbow down). Warnings: Grief, Violence)

The Gentlemen’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee: Also talked about this in this post and did a better job there, but to sum it up it’s essentially a friends to lovers, bed sharing, road trip au with a dash of magic but set in the 1700′s! There’s also a sequel/companion, The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy that I have yet to read but it follows Monty’s sister, Felicity, and I believe goes more in depth with her identity. (Rep: Gay, Black, Disabled, Aromantic, Asexual, Warnings: Period typical homophobia/biphobia, racism, ableism, sexism)

Simon vs. The Homosapien’s Agenda by Becky Albertalli: Like. I don’t think i really have to explain this one LRKGJJRG but added it just in case. YA contemporary following Simon as he e-mails another gay student at his school and falls in love. (Rep: Gay, Black, Jewish, Warnings: Homophobia)

All For the Game Trilogy (The Foxhole Court, The Raven King, The King’s Men) by Nora Sakavic: If y’all have been on my blog at all you know i’m back in aftg hyperfixation mode after another reread lmao. Is it a lil messy is it a lil dramatic... yes. but i love it!!! We follow our protagonist Neil Josten, who’s been on the run from his crime lord father, The Butcher of Baltimore, since he was young. After his mother dies on the run, Neil finds a new place and adopts yet another identity, and ends up playing high school exy (a made up sport but like we’re barely here for the sports lmao), something he used to play as a child. Despite playing a new position, he attracts the attention of the PSU Foxes, who’s coach David Wymack specifically recruits players with a troubled past to give them a second chance. Neil really shouldn’t sign-- it goes against everything his mother told him, it puts him at risk of being in the spotlight for his father’s men to find him, and puts him on the same team as Kevin Day, someone from his past that knows his true identity. Still, something draws Neil to joining the team, to finally try to live instead of just survive. UGHHHH like truly this book just makes u fall in love with all the characters and the beautiful and broken found family that develops over three books and one of the most iconic and amazing (ha....) slowburn relationships ever.... Also if i recall they’re super cheap on iBooks (at least when i bought them, the first book was free and the other two were $1.99). (Rep: Gay, Demisexual, POC, Warnings: MAJOR trigger warnings for like. everything bc all the foxes have fucked up pasts. But the biggest ones are probably rape, abuse/torture, and substance abuse)

Six of Crows Duology (Six of Crows, Crooked Kingdom) by Leigh Bardugo: Idk how much I really have to talk about this bc it’s popular but I am physically unably not to reccomend this duology bc its just. So. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The most barebones summary is that this is a YA Fantasy about six people coming together to perform an impossible heist. This is truly like...... a masterclass in developing characters and has one of the best m/f ships i’ve ever read... But also since it’s on here there is some gay shit going on, 3/6 mains are Not Straight and there’s a cute m/m couple! Also you don’t have to read the Grisha Trilogy to read this but u can if u want (I have yet to). (Rep: Bisexual, Gay, Disabled, POC, Warnings: Again these ppl have fucked up pasts, biggest are PTSD, past sexual abuse)

The Raven Cycle Series (The Raven Boys, The Dream Theives, Blue Lily Lily Blue, The Raven King) by Maggie Steifvater: Again i don’t think I really have to explain this one but like. In case you haven’t read this series it’s truly iconic..... Idk even how to explain this LKGJLJRG just like magical realism wonderfulness and found family and amazing relationships and shit.... (Rep: Gay, Bisexual, Disabled, Warnings: Abuse)

The following are books I plan to read for pride/in the near future. I can’t wholeheartedly reccomend them obviously, or fully detail all the rep/warnings, but I’ve heard some great things about these books and a lot of them have representation that the first part of the list is lacking, so I figured I would add them! (Also if I use ‘queer’ that’s because that’s the only label I have been given by the authors or reviewers, or the characters identify as queer)

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman: To my knowledge this is a really emotional YA coming of age/college story that has to do with like. A podcast? Idk a lot of people love it and side note I’ll be suing B&N bc they NEVER have it relkj (Rep: Bisexual, Demisexual, I belive Latinx.)

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand: I believe this is a YA horror-ish novel where there’s a monster stealing girls on and island. (Rep: I believe all three main girls are queer Warnings: Since this is horror im assuming. Horror stuff LMAO)

I Wish You all The Best by Mason Deaver: A YA contemporary romance about Ben who comes out as non-binary to their parents and gets kicked out, and moves in with their estranged sister. They soon are taken under the wing of a senior named Nathan Allan and begin to fall. (Rep: Non-Binary (Own Voices), MLM/Queer, Black (im assuming from the gorgeous cover lmao. Warnings: Misgendering, homophobia, anxiety, depression)

Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno: YA Magical Realism about Georgina, who has yet to inherit the magical powers that have been passed down her family, including her twin sister Mary who, unlike Georgina, is coming into her powers. (Rep: Lesbian, Queer, Aro/Ace, Warnings: Rape and sexual assault, underage drinking, animal death, drug use.)

#books #lgbt #pride #lgbt books #idk what else to tag lmao pls feel free to add ur own yall!!! or correct anything i got wrong lmao

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marymacd · 5 years ago

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IF YOU TOUCH ME, I WON’T BE STILL.

𝖖 𝖚 𝖔 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

“𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅. 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒐𝒍, 𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒍𝒕 𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒆𝒂𝒌, 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒖𝒆 𝒎𝒆. 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈. 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕. 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒑𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒖𝒍.” - Allison Argent, Teen Wolf

“𝑰 𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂 𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕. 𝑰 𝒂𝒎, 𝑰 𝒂𝒎, 𝑰 𝒂𝒎.” - Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

“𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔.” - Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

“𝑵𝒐 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒊𝒏𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕.” - Eleanor Roosevelt, This Is My Story

"𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖? 𝑨𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖? 𝑻𝒐𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆. 𝑻𝒐𝒐 𝒎𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆." - Marina Tsvetaeva, Bride of Ice: New Selected Poems

𝖇 𝖆 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈

NAME: Mary Anne Macdonald NICKNAMES: Mare, Mac (rarely, prefers Mary) AGE: 20 BIRTHDAY: June 12th, 1959 GENDER: Cis female PRONOUNS: She/her

𝖋 𝖆 𝖒 𝖎 𝖑 𝖞

MOTHER: Lisa Macdonald (47), muggle nurse FATHER: Anthony Macdonald (49), muggle firefighter SIBLINGS: None

𝖕 𝖍 𝖞 𝖘 𝖎 𝖈 𝖆 𝖑 𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖗𝖎𝖇𝖚𝖙𝖊𝖘

FACE CLAIM: Diana Silvers BUILD: Average height and noticeably thin. HAIR: Hangs down below her shoulders. Naturally wavy and usually with a little frizz, she doesn’t do much to it other than wash it every couple of days. Usually worn out, tends to only pulls it back when she’s doing physical activity. HAIR COLOR: Dark brown, was lighter in her youth. EYE COLOR: Light brown, with flecks of green. SKIN COLOR: Fair. DOMINANT HAND: Left, though somewhat proficient at using both. ANOMALIES: A jagged scar on the bottom of her right foot, acquired when she was nine and stood on shattered glass barefoot. Faint scars on one of her thighs. Freckles on her shoulders and her nose, particularly noticeable during summer. A small birthmark on her lower back. SCENT: Coconut, from the shampoo she uses. Old parchment when she comes home from work. Mint, from the gum she chews. ACCENT: East Coast Irish (Dublin). ALLERGIES: None. DISORDERS: Generalised anxiety & panic disorder. Since her attack, Mary has suffered from regular panic attacks. Though they have become more infrequent as the years have gone on, she still has them on occasion. She also experiences bouts of depression. FASHION: Whatever she finds comfortable. Loves oversized clothing. Sweaters all year round, button-up shirts and culottes. NERVOUS TICS: Chews her lips, picks at her nails, and taps her feet. QUIRKS: Hums her favourite songs when she’s working. Talks to her cat as though it were a person. Always double-checks she locked the door.

𝖑 𝖎 𝖋 𝖊 𝖘 𝖙 𝖞 𝖑 𝖊

RESIDES: Plainview Point Apartments. BORN: Tallaght Hospital, Tallaght, Ireland. RAISED: Tallaght, Ireland. PETS: Childhood dog, Sonny. Currently owns a cat, Clyde, and has since she started Hogwarts. He’s a ginger cat, and quite temperamental, by Mary’s own admission.

CAREER: Junior Administrator at the Wizengamot. EXPERIENCE: Has been working in her current position for over a year and a half. EMPLOYER: The Ministry of Magic (Wizengamot).

POLITICAL AFFILIATION: Aligned with the Order of the Phoenix. BELIEFS: Her father is Jewish, and her mother Roman Catholic, so Mary was raised with a mix of beliefs. Now, she considers herself agnostic, though mildly spiritual. MISDEMEANORS: None. FELONIES: None. DRUGS: None. SMOKES: No. ALCOHOL: Socially, preferred drink is an Irish Cream. DIET: Vegetarian. Mostly just eats whatever is left in her fridge when she gets home. If she can cobble together an entire meal, that’s a bonus.

LANGUAGES: English, some Hebrew.

PHOBIAS: Feeling helpless and out of control. The deaths of those closest to her. Being alone in the dark. HOBBIES: Reading, quidditch (formerly), football (formerly), knitting. TRAITS: { + }: intelligent, courageous, discreet, humorous, sensitive, stoic. { - }: tense, argumentative, cynical, reticent, self-righteous, diffident.

𝖋 𝖆 𝖛 𝖔 𝖗 𝖎 𝖙 𝖊 𝖘

LOCATION: Her parents’ house in Tallaght. It’s the only place that still feels like home to her. SPORTS TEAM: Shamrock Rovers (football), Holyhead Harpies (quidditch). GAME: Monopoly. MUSIC: David Bowie, Elton John, The Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac. She owns a cassette player, gifted to her by her father. Every few months, he sends her a new mix tape to listen to, so she ‘can stay up to date on muggle music’ -- Mary listens to every one, and shares her taste in music with her father. MOVIES: Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind. FOOD: Chocolate frogs, pesto fettuccine. BEVERAGE: Butterbeer. COLOR: Crimson red.

𝖒 𝖆 𝖌 𝖎 𝖈

ALUMNI HOUSE: Gryffindor. WAND (length, flexibility, wood, & core): 11″ hazel wood with unicorn hair core, inflexible. AMORTENTIA: Freshly baked pastries, drying paint, and lavender. PATRONUS: A wild rabbit. BOGGART: Malcolm Mulciber.

𝖈 𝖍 𝖆 𝖗 𝖆 𝖈 𝖙 𝖊 𝖗

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Lawful neutral MBTI: INTP MBTI ROLE: The Logician. The Logician personality type is fairly rare, making up only three percent of the population, which is definitely a good thing for them, as there’s nothing they’d be more unhappy about than being “common”. Logicians pride themselves on their inventiveness and creativity, their unique perspective and vigorous intellect. Usually known as the philosopher, the architect, or the dreamy professor, Logicians have been responsible for many scientific discoveries throughout history. ENNEAGRAM: Type Six. ENNEAGRAM ROLE: The Loyalist. The committed, security-oriented type. Sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. Excellent "troubleshooters," they foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion. At their Best: internally stable and self-reliant, courageously championing themselves and others. TEMPERAMENT: Melancholic. A melancholic personality leads to self-reliant individuals who are thoughtful, reserved, and often anxious. They often strive for perfection within themselves and their surroundings, which leads to tidy and detail oriented behaviour. WESTERN ZODIAC: Gemini. Adaptable, versatile, communicative, witty, intellectual, eloquent, youthful, lively, nervous, tense, superficial, inconsistent, cunning, and inquisitive. CHINESE ZODIAC: Year of the Pig. Pigs are diligent, compassionate, and generous. They have great concentration: once they set a goal, they will devote all their energy to achieving it. Though Pigs rarely seek help from others, they will not refuse to give others a hand. Pigs never suspect trickery, so they are easily fooled. PRIMAL SIGN: Cricket. Crickets are intellectuals who like to explore and experiment with new ideas and theories. Unlike similarly intellectual signs, like the Seal, members of this sign are very polite in social situations and like nothing more than getting into a theoretical discussion about something scientific or otherwise cerebral. For this reason, this sign is often that of self-proclaimed “nerds”, but most Crickets are simply too likeable for such a derisive label. TAROT CARD: The Devil, The Lovers. TV TROPES: broken bird badass bookworm mage born of muggles deadpan snarker vengeance denied

SONGS: 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒚, 𝒔𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒍 𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 But if you touch me I'll lash out. Don't fuck with me. If I must, you know I will. I'm not your prey, I'm not your kill.

𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒆, 𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒆𝒚 'Cause I don't need anyone I don't need anyone I just need everyone and then some

𝒓𝒊𝒃𝒔, 𝒍𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒆 This dream isn't feeling sweet We're reeling through the midnight streets And I've never felt more alone It feels so scary, getting old

𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒔, 𝒎𝒊𝒕𝒔𝒌𝒊 One morning this sadness will fossilize And I will forget how to cry I'll keep going to work and you won't see a change Save perhaps a slight gray in my eye

𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒔, 𝒊𝒎𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒔 Don't get too close It's dark inside It's where my demons hide

IDEOLOGIES:

Just because someone speaks the loudest, doesn’t meant they’re right.

White chocolate isn’t really chocolate.

Sometimes, it’s okay to take justice into your own hands.

Pineapple absolutely does not belong on pizza.

You can’t take care of others if you are unable to take care of yourself first.

Trust must be earned, and second chances shouldn’t be given out easily.

Everybody has a sense of humour, it just might not be the same as your own.

#&& mary.#one eternity later #also pls don't @me for using a teen wolf quote #dulcetask

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