#i know ive mentioned this before but GRAY. REALLY.

[ot3]

did some wood staining for the first time today 👍 my technique is terrible but its fun and im excited to get these shelves finished

[spatio-rift]

the thing about me as a taka fan is that i think their ending makes sense. in a way that was probably completely unintentional because kishimoto likely just wrote it that way to follow up on what they did during the war (which was really out of character). but it ended up making sense for them

[justauthoring]

Heeey, I saw you are writing for fairy tail😍😍 I am obsessed. Can I please request a Natsu x Reader fiction. I don't have anything specific in mind. Maybe they are on a quest and reader is cold and Natsu helps them warm up. I don't know, just pure fluff!!! Thank you!!!!!!

just a lil drabble while im sick :) natsu was my first ever anime crush and ive been feeling so nostalgic about him <3

late night cuddle.

you tried not to make it obvious, but it was getting harder by the second.

just why the hell was it so cold?

it had been like that for the entirety of the mission but bearable in the midst of everything. natsu and gray's bickering, coupled with light chattering with lucy and erza had been enough to keep your mind off of it on the trip here, and then once you were in the thick of it, it was pretty easy to ignore too. fighting, after all, built up quite the sweat.

but now? with no sun and just the dark, lonely sky, and a sleeping bag that was as thin as the shirt you were wearing it? it was so much more harder to ignore now.

a glance over your shoulder to your teammates tells you they're pretty much all asleep themselves, except for natsu who'd elected to keep first watch. happy had first volunteered to join him, but twenty minutes in you'd heard natsu chuckle affectionately and send him off to bed too.

so, that left just him and then the rest of your teammates peacefully asleep.

your eyes flicker to lucy next to you; you could ask her if she wanted to share a blanket and sleep close for warmth. you knew the girl never really wore the most appropriate clothing so she wouldn't mind and it wasn't like it was your first time ever having to share a sleeping bag before.

but.... but she looked so peaceful. her eyes shut and her lips parted just slightly as her chest rose and fell with soft breathes and you remember how she'd gotten hit partically hard earlier in the fight. the large bandaged bruise on her cheek a swift reminder and you didn't want to wake her up especially when rest was probably the best thing for her.

not to mention, wendy was off with gajeel and levy for a mission so she didn't have wendy's soothing healing magic to ease any of the pain.

yeah. no. you definitely were not disturbing her.

you glance to your other teammates. you loved gray, but he definitely wouldn't warm you up—if anything, he'd probably just make you more cold. erza wasn't an option either. you'd made that mistake once before and your head still hurt from being slammed against her armour (which she wore to bed, of course) and then kept against it for the entirety of the night.

happy was nice to cuddle with but he wouldn't keep you all that warm.

finally, your eyes flicker back to natsu. his back is turned to you and he's sitting crossed-legged by the edge of the camp, completely in his own world. he'd be warm, the warmest out of everyone, given him being a fire dragon slayer. but... the thought of... of asking him to warm you up brought an instant flush to your cheeks, embarrassment coursing through your entire veins and that idea gets reected instantly in fear of your feeligns.

so, relectantly, you're turning back around, letting your head fall against your thin pillow again.

you shut your eyes, forcing them shut and pull your knees to your chest, holding your blanket tight against you, praying that even just a bit of warmth will allow you to fall asleep.

a cold burst of wind has you shivering a second later and your teeth practically chitter against one another and you give up on sleep all together then.

with your blanket still wrapped around your shoulders, you make your way to where natsu's sat, sitting an appropriate distance from him.

"y/n?"

natsu's voice is soft, an odd tone you've never really heard on him before as his head tilts to face you, confusion written across his face.

"what're you doing up?"

"couldn't sleep," is all you offer in explanation, pulling your blanket closer around you. sending him a soft smile, you gesture behind you. "you can head to bed if you want. i can keep watch."

for a split second, he looks like he's gonna agree, the exhaustion clear on his face as he moves to thank you. then, wind brushes through the camp once again that has your hair swishing and your shoulders pulling in, a hiss leaving your lips as you try to fight through the bitting wind. natsu halts to a stop.

"why couldn't you sleep?"

you barely realize natsu's asked you a question until suddenly his face is right in front of you, concerned.

"o-oh!" you let out, startled, leaning back and using your hand to catch yourself. regrettably though, just the mere presence of natsu so close already makes you feel warmer. "it's no biggie!" you laugh off lightly, despite how good he feels so close. "i was just a little cold so i thought—"

whatever you're about to say gets promptly cut off the second you're being pulled flush against a firm chest. it all happens in a second. it's like you blink and suddenly you're being lifted off the ground and into a lap where a pair of arms wrap snuggly around your waist and you're completely surrounded by warmth.

"n-natsu!"

"here," natsu whispers, gruffly and it nearly sends you into a heart attack. "i'll keep you warm."

you blink, turning back to see him grinning brightly down at you. that same toothy grin natsu always has and the same one that always sends flutters through your stomach and has your heart racing madly against your chest.

you can barely stand it in general and even less when it's directed solely at you.

"oh," you manage to force out. "you—you don't have to, natsu!" you wingle in his grasp, trying to scoot off of his lap, but natsu's grip stays tight around you. "i meant what i said. you should get some rest and—"

"y/n?"

"...yeah?"

natsu's grin fades but only to turn into something softer. a warm, gentle grin falls on his face as he shakes his head. "you're practically shaking. you even feel cold, and that's a lot coming from me." you frown, just then realizing how cold you really had been. "it's fine. i offered to keep watch in the first place and besides? who better than me to keep you warm, right?"

there's a possessive edge to his tone that you don't quite catch.

the way he says it so nonchalantly has you absolutely reeling. so much that all you can manage in response is a weak hum and a nod as you turn back ahead of yourself, slowly and cautiously letting your back fall against natsu's chest.

"comfortable?"

you can feel his chest rumble as he speaks.

"y-yeah," you nod, letting yourself sink into his touch more, unable to deny how warm he is. a good warm. a really good warm. you can already feel the exhaustion you'd been feeling all day catching up to you as your eyelids grow heavy.

"thank you, natsu."

you say it just as your eyes fall shut, unaware of the warm smile natsu glances at you down with as you fall asleep in his arms and in his lap.

"no problem, y/n/n."

-

"damn, natsu, i didn't think you had it in you."

"shut it, droopy eyes."

"hey—!"

"they're in loveeeee~!"

"seriously, though, natsu. i... i certainly wasn't expecting to wake up to this."

"yeah, natsu. if you forced her, i—"

"what! no! what kind of guy do you take me for! i didn't force her to do—"

you let out a moan at the flutter of noises overwhelming your senses. all you can really register is how warm you are and how comfortable you are. the thought that you could stay here forever crosses your mind and you move to just go back to sleep, and then—

then. you remember everything.

being cold. unable to sleep. going to natsu. and then... then him pulling you into his lap and—

you snap awake, bolting out of natsu's arms who pulls back in surprise at your sudden movement. it takes you a second, blinking the sleep out of your eyes, before your gaze shifts from natsu who's smiling at you, with a faint pink to his cheeks, to the rest of your teammates stood in front of you.

gray looks smug, sending you a smirk as you turn bright red. erza looks utterly confused, her eyes snapping between you and natsu. happy is barely able to contain his laughter. and lucy's looking at you like you've grown a second head.

it occurs to you that you should say something.

turning to them, you raise your hand; "it isn't what you think."

"it's exactly what you think."

"natsu!"

[ryder-writes]

After the Dinner- Natuso x GN!Reader

A/n: I don't think I've ever written reverse comfort before tbh. It was an experience lol. Ive also never written for Natsuo before so srry if I messed up the relationship with his family and stuff

CW: Reverse comfort, take place before Dabi's reveal, family issues, mention of abuse

WC: 841

Natsuo felt heavy. Exhausted. He knew he shouldn't have gone. Why did he even bother at this point? Nothing was going to change. He would never forgive him. 'Forgive but never forget'- four words he never hoped to hear from his therapist and would never follow. How could he forgive a literal monster? The sole cause for the death of his childhood, his relationship with his family, his peace?

He swallowed, a faint burning in the back of his throat. Every dinner ended in yelling. Every. Single. One. Him and Endeavor- his dear dad- screaming, Fuyumi trying to calm them both down. It rarely worked. They were all forgiving him too fast, really. At least Shoto wasn't taking his 'apology' quite yet. Natsuo sighed, trying to calm himself down. He unclenched his fists, feeling the coldness dissipate from his palms. His quirk tended to activate whenever his heart rate increased a lot. He's pretty sure he accidentally left some frost on the door when he stormed out. Walking down the hallway to his apartment, he took a deep breath. He never liked falling apart in front of you. Even though he knew you would catch him.

-

You knew that Natsuo would be different when he came home. And, as much as you wanted to greet him with a hug and tell him that everything was going to be okay, you couldn't. 9 times out of 10 he just needed space to cool down. So, that's what you gave him.

-

When you heard the front door open followed by the lack of a tired "Hey, honey" or "I'm home", you knew things got pretty bad. You could faintly make out the sound of the door closing and him putting his shoes in the little organizer by the door. You stayed in bed, knowing that he would come to you when he was ready. If he wanted to talk. You heard his footsteps get louder as he walked towards your shared bedroom. He pushed the cracked door open, immediately going to the dresser to grab some clothes. He didn't acknowledge you, so you didn’t acknowledge him. You would wait- as long as it took.

After taking a cold shower, Natsuo felt a little better. He felt clean for the first time in hours. He walked back the bedroom in gray sweatpants and a white tank-top, putting his dirty clothes into the hamper in the corner. The bed dipped beside you as he sat down. You continued to look at your phone, waiting until he was ready. You heard him sigh. In your peripheral vision, you saw his hands drag across his face. He exhaled a shaky breath. You put your phone down and shifted a little towards him. This caused him to lock eyes with you. You saw the sadness and exhaustion. The pain. The bed creaked as he lunged forward and wrapped his arms around your shoulders. He started to shake, finally allowing himself to cry. Your right hand found it's way to his hair, scratching gently. Nothing was said between you two for a while, the only sounds being the air conditioning and Natsuo's soft cries (when he was little he taught himself to cry quietly and still does it to this day).

Your hands grounded him, reminding him of where he was: here, with you. His fiancé. He sniffled and mumbled something.

"Hm?" You questioned, unable to hear what he said.

"'m sorry."

"There's nothing to apologize for, baby." You kissed his temple. "I'm always gonna be here, no matter what. I'm not going anywhere." He hugged you tighter, afraid you would evaporate into thin air if he let go.

You sat there for another few minutes before Natsuo spoke up again.

"How does he expect us- me- to forgive him…? He ruined our lives. W-we were just kids." He sniffles, leaving your neck and resting his forehead against yours.

"You don't have to forgive him. There's no obligation." You remind him.

"Touya wouldn't've forgiven him." The soft whisper leaves his mouth before he has a chance to stop it. He had told you about Touya and his death, albeit hiding many details and specifics about it.

You grabbed his hands off of your shoulders and held them to your heart. He could feel your warmth and the faint beat of your pulse. It was then he realized how thankful he was for you. How much he loved you. And how much that scared him.

You seemed to read his mind and kissed his forehead.

"You're not him. You are Natsuo. You are my partner, the love of my life, my fiancé. Nothing will change that. Nothing will change who you are."

You looked down and saw a single tear run down his left cheek.

"Thank you."

You kiss the tear away.

"Of course, baby. Are you feeling better?"

He hummed, feeling the dryness of his throat. He leaned forward and nuzzled your noses together. You giggled, happy to see the playful side of your partner start to peek out again.

My Masterlist :]

[vryfmi]

silent boy theory

bringing this theory back because ive been rotating it nonstop

[mild book spoilers!]

skull is characterised by his voice and snarky comments that Lucy has to put up with during their conversations, as well as the whispering tone which is heavily emphasised throughout the series. so when Dulac references to Bickerstaff's servant boy (aka skull) as "that silent Boy" in her confessions it really clashes with skull's personality as we know it.

TL;DR: my theory is that skull was mute or on a verge of losing his voice due to sickness, caused by working conditions and Bickerstaff's abandonment. thus, his ghost can't recall his healthy voice and can only whisper.

[id from alt text: a photo of the passage from the book with line "that silent Boy" being emphasised by image's dimensions./end id]

firstly, it's the whispering skull. not quietly talking skull, not its-voice-sounds-far-away skull. whispering.

‘Because you sure as hell look it.’ It was the lowest, throatiest of whispers; alien, but familiar. I’d heard it once before. (TWS) The hoarse whisper came from somewhere close behind my ear. ‘I say stab them first, ask questions later! That’s your only sensible option.’ (THB)

argument could be made, that silver-glass muffles the voice and it becomes quieter. but here's a thing - whisper is a voice alteration, not a sound quality. when whispering, vocal cords don't vibrate, and produced speech has a different phonation. so whisper and quiet speech are technically two different things.

secondly, skull's work field and conditions. as a young servant, skull was able to see visitors and ward them off Bickerstaff and his master's friends, while they were robbing graves for potential sources. ghosts radiate cold, temperature can drop down to 5 degrees centigrade, that much we know from books, that's why agents are wearing jackets and gloves during ghost hunting cases. and skull's ghost was described as wearing only a shirt and ill fitting trousers, while also being barefooted.

It was the first time I’d ever really looked at him, at the spirit that he truly was. He wore a white shirt and gray trousers that were slightly too short for his bony legs. His feet were bare. He’d still been young when he died. (TEG)

with Bickerstaff's obsession and apparent blindness to anything else that wasn't his device, it's safe to say that he would neglect skull's needs and didn't bother to get his servant any proper clothes, not to mention shoes, which at the time were expensive, since children constantly need shoes as they grow up, and it wasn't uncommon for children from lower class to not have shoes at all and walk barefooted.

that said, my theory is that skull came down with sickness while grave robbing, and Bickerstaff ignored it (mainly because he was a psych doctor, not a medical one), skull's condition worsened and turned into laryngitis. without treatment, his vocal cords got damaged, resulting in loss of voice.

[now, im in no way educated to diagnose a fictional character and there can be mistakes in my logic (like how skull could have lost his voice prior to Bickerstaff), but i went down a rabbit hole and need to share this.]

there's a condition that fits the description of person losing their voice or only be able to talk in whisper, it's called aphonia. there are multiple common causations for this condition, namely psychological, but organic aphonia is caused by damage on vocal cords or throat, that could have happened due to disease or physical trauma. (source)

it's also worth pointing out that any voice disorders in children and teenagers affects the way they socialise and behave. gestures and facial expressions become alternative to communication when voice is too weak for speech or it is painful to talk.

Someone had knocked the cloth off the ghost-jar, and the face had re-materialized. It pulled extravagant expressions of horror and disgust whenever I passed by. (TWS)

‘You know the rules: minimal manifestations, no rude faces, and absolutely no talking.’ The ghost looked wounded. ‘I wasn’t talking, was I? Do you call this talking? Or this?’ It pulled a rapid series of grotesque expressions, each one worse than the last. (THB)

and finally, Lucy. she almost undeniably plays a role of interpretor that passes down what skull says, since others have no way of communicating with him or, more specifically, no way of hearing him. it all does seem to fit perfectly together (at least to me) so i can't stop wondering of how intentional any of that was on Stroud's behalf. then yet again, Stroud did say that that he had a draft for skull's backstory but scraped it in favour of keeping his character as mysterious as possible. some elements could've stayed in the final version of the books, who knows.

[m0e-ru]

p4 pokemon au where all problems are because of some stupid zoroark cracked with action replay

maul me over as much as you want over poke partner choices because idgaf im going to start yapping under the cut (2.5k words are yuo joking ?)

um where can i start

i wanna make it clear im sure these characters would all have different pokemon teams if they were playing pokemon on the nintendo ds, like, souji could be a rest staller if he wanted to. but anyway, heres my idea of who these guys would partner up with because i think it’s fun. and none of this is final i could give namatame a goomy too AHAHA

oh another disclaimer while i proclaim ive played all the mainline games, is i havent actually played a pokemon game past XY also im a unova babygirl est 2014 . yippie

Souji feels like such a normal-type guy to me. Cheren black and white. Well, the gray did influence it, but also he’s a very flexible guy.

He caught a Lillipup as a kid, and it’s been with him through multiple moves. His parents didn’t care about a pokemon in the house as long as it didn’t make a fuss, and was kind of Souji’s only friend at the time. It evolved into a Herdier at some point before he gets to Inaba, and probably gets to be a Stoutland for the whole Izanagi-no-Okami equivalent.

Not that I think he’d cheese his way through battles with Work Up -> Return shtick, but I think it’s a funny thought lol

Yosuke got a Tadbulb following him around, which he found in the moving van when his family was unpacking. And the next few weeks, he almost ran over a Froakie going 60kph on his bike. Yosuke appreciates having the Tadbulb around when working around Junes, and the Froakie guides him through Inaba as a local I guess lol. It evolves into the Frogadier when they go investigate the serial murders with Souji. It probably knows Aerial Ace for all I know LMAO

Chie’s Glaceon’s actually Muku, the Eevee Yukiko tried to take care of, until it was put in Chie’s care when she wasn’t allowed to keep it. When they were middle school, after one vacation at Mt. Yasogami, the Eevee ended up evolving next to an Ice Rock of all things. The two wondered why it didn’t evolve from friendship, like an Espeon or an Umbreon, and they joke around that the Eevee loved neither of them and bonded with a chunk of ice instead. Chie makes it wear a muffler because she misses Eevee's fluffy coat, in a way.

Around the same time, Chie found a Mienfoo training with her at the flood plains, and it decided to stay with her. Sometimes, she’d offer Yukiko to have it help out at the inn.

Kanji’s mom actually kept a Cottonee around to gather the stray cotton it leaves around to spin into thread sometimes. She wondered where it went, until Kanji admitted it evolved into a Whimsicott after it touched a rock he found lying around on the way home, which was a Sun Stone. It still stays around to help, and even floats all the way to Yasogami just to deliver Kanji’s lunch he forgot at home.

Kanji caught a Blitzle himself, and it was also there when he was beating up all the bikers making a ruckus by the highway, which made him easy to profile during that one TV segment about him. It goes with Kanji while he’s biking, and he’d refuse its help even when he gets tired.

Nobody really knows how Teddie became a boy, nor where he got his Cubchoo. All he’s mentioned is that they “saw one another in each other’s eyes” and it starts sneezing into Yosuke’s face. Well, it’s not too bad because they’re both Junes’ new mascots, in a way. Maybe he IS the Cubchoo 🤔🤔🤔

Rise had the Ralts since middle school. Having it perform with her during her audition to be an idol almost basically made her in the cut. It evolved into a Kirlia which made her more popular as Risette. Although, fans and haters started throwing Dawn Stones at it after a statement where Rise didn’t want to reveal its gender even with so many people asking. Most of them were fake, just to give Rise a scare, and it was only super fans or super haters that would throw in the real deal at shows or even just handshake sessions.

Naoto’s grandfather helped him catch a Surskit before he left the estate and became the Detective Prince. He once accused a Sneasel to be a culprit of one case, but it ended up proving itself innocent, nagging Naoto to certain evidence when he just thought it was annoying him. Impressed by each other’s wit, they’ve become partners in solving crime. Naoto would pacify it with his Surskit’s sweet syrup. And when the Surskit evolved into a Masquerain, Naoto would have two partners by his side. Although, this lead to trusting his own instincts and pokemon more than other people.

Chisato owned a Rockruff, which even adored Dojima before they were even married. It evolved into a midday Lycanroc, which started to help Dojima with his own investigations. When Chisato passed, it was less bitter than Dojima, and would be sent home to stay with Nanako if he ever had to work overnight. When Nanako was comfortable enough with Souji and his Herdier, the Lycanroc would stay with Dojima, and Adachi would help prop him on its back when he gets himself drunk.

A bit after Chisato’s funeral in the middle of the mourning period, her mother came to her granddaughter, Nanako, and gave her a Cleffa, in which they would both learn to take care of each other. It would have fun being tossed around in the air by the Lycanroc and Herdier at home, while Souji would tell Nanako to make a wish on the star everytime it was in the air. Because it’s the Star Shape pokemon lol i think it’s cute

While Adachi was still in the big city, he’d see the skinniest Purrloin in an alley on the way home. He fed it once, and it wouldn’t stop pestering him since. He thought it was over when his apartment complex neighbors started feeding it, but it found delight in annoying Adachi specifically, taking his keys from his pockets, or nabbing a bit of his takeout when he was distracted.

It jumped into the boot of his car, genuinely curious of what was going on, until it found itself in an hours long trip which ended with it in Inaba. Dojima mentioned his Lycanroc smelled a feline scent on him, while Adachi just denies he owns a pokemon, much less that Purrloin that isn’t even native to the area. It’s caught the attention of the locals for a while, and it took it to its advantage to get more people to feed it, but still hangs around Adachi to go nick his new, rusty apartment keys.

There’s also like, this Shuppet that shows up at some point, and his landlady and neighbors keep telling him about it and giving him weird looks. But he doesnt believe in superstitions and doesnt have a pokedex to look at so who cares

Namatame's family has a Bunnelby helping around the business with little chores and such. His parents send it off to Namatame to work with him and keep him company while he tries to recover. Somewhere along the way, he finds an Absol following him on a rainy day, which he takes care of alongside the Bunnelby entrusted to him, or maybe it’s taking care of him? While Namatame becomes more manic each passing day as his messiah complex gets to him, he starts distancing himself from Bunnelby and spends more time with Absol. 

The MOEL gas station has a shiny Heliolisk, but a lot of people don't really know the concept of shiny pokemon, and they haven't seen Heliolisks or Helioptiles in the urban area, so they don't really think it's so special besides it being a different color. It's nothing more than a mascot of sorts, and does silly things with the attendant; like startling Adachi and that Purrloin that follows him around. It can sense when it's going to rain by feeling the static electricity around it. And what's rather peculiar is that it doesn't seem too averse to rain or cloudy skies. It does enjoy basking in the sun, and people would look up to see it hanging around on the station canopy with a spread out frill those days.

okay, so this is the part where I'm supposed to talk about plot. um. anyway

Way back when, there was a Zoroark that would walk among people, disguised as a human. People started rumors and suspected this woman really is a pokemon, but nobody seemed to shun her or really care, she was just a nice lady and took care of the people around her. People would say she came to them from a greater power to be a guardian to the land, similar to the legends in different regions, like Sinnoh and their Arceus.

However, the way she protects her people would be through illusions. She would keep external and malicious forces at bay by severely frightening them at the mountaintops, or the forests, if they ever got through, be it human or pokemon. If anyone were hurt or were about to die, unable to be treated to health, she would comfort them in a grand dream as they would fall asleep for the very last time. 

As time went on and technology developed, people were so entranced with the television broadcasts, wanting to know who was behind the screen, even if they were covered up in makeup and filters. 

The greater power sought to sate the people's desires, and saw the Zoroark it left in their care wasn't enough. So it split the pokemon into two, with one half so weak it was just a Zorua. The newly born Zoroark went off to accomplish its appointed duty, no matter the means. To better determine what the people wanted, however, it created a scheme which would involve stimulating the masses to come to an answer.

The Zoroark played a simple gas station attendant, which would stay close and observe the people. It would choose three pawns to watch over, manipulating the situation in tandem to their reactions. 

well so um basically there's still an isekai with TV portals. the iznmi Zoroark has enough power this time to create pocket dimensions straight from its illusion power. Every victim that ends up inside still gets haunted by their “truth” iznmi determines after scrutinizing them. The Midnight Channel broadcasts are also their illustrations. so basically, instead of things going on by itself from the collective unconscious reacting, it's a Zoroark piecing things together. it's kinda like pokepark 2. HAHAHA

Namatame's still kidnapping people he sees on the Midnight Channel. And when he gets Nanako, the Bunnelby stays behind and begs the IT to help. It helps them find Namatame, where they confront him and his Absol. Through illusions and legitimate power channeling, the Absol mega evolves. The IT defeat it and it returns to a normal Absol. They take both Nanako and Namatame to the hospital, the Bunnelby by Namatame's side the whole time.

When Adachi's suspected to be the killer, he escapes into the world inside the TV and makes a deal with the Zoroark. The Purrloin follows Adachi's scent and ends up in the TV, terrified of its unknown surroundings and hiding from the rest of the monstrous illusions that popped up. It got used to the world, however, and when the IT arrived, it helped them with Adachi's silly puzzles, to which he groans through a PA about how that pokemon’s still annoying him in another world. 

The IT confront Adachi, until a Mismagius appears to stop them. It sings Perish Song (because Magatsu-Izanagi is a Ghastly Wail kind of thing lmfao) but everyone stood their ground, blocking the song from their ears. Even under Adachi's (albeit in pain) command, the Mismagius falters, and the Zoroark takes things into its own hands, creating a bigger illusion to finally deal with these meddling kids for itself. 

But they defeat Ame-no-Sagiri, and its grand voice agrees to stop the grand illusions plaguing Inaba. The IT still have no idea who this conductor of schemes is, and Adachi can't give a clear answer either 

Marie's a Zorua with amnesia so bad she forgot she's a Zorua at all. She started her illusion as a human girl just to aimlessly wander around Inaba more easily and has been stuck in that form since. She was taken into the Velvet Room where they can clearly see that she isn't a human, but a pokemon. What's impressive is that she doesn't have a tail sticking out, which would mean her powers of illusion are rather potent. 

Souji’s made to chaperone her around Inaba to get her memories back, the whole shtick. While everyone stops prying into her nonexistent life, they're impressed with her ability to understand pokemon, as if she can actually understand them. Marie comes to the conclusion that she must have grown up around pokemon to be able to understand them that well. 

In the end, she finds out she is a pokemon, and iznmi Zoroark sends her to a grave that is physically in Inaba, instead of a pocket dimension. 

Margaret creates a conduit from that shed TV to that tomb somewhere in Inaba. Marie runs around as a Zorua and makes illusions to stop the IT from getting to her. But they manage to get to the heart of the tomb and get Zorua Marie from burying herself. 

They defeat another one of iznmi Zoroark’s avatars dwelling in Marie which was controlling her, then Marie comes back to the IT, accepting her identities as a pokemon and a human girl.

The IT thought that the illusions have stopped, and people are free to see what's really in front of their eyes. But Souji confronts the gas station at MOEL, where he reveals he's really a Zoroark with a duty, even startling the Heliolisk by its side. 

The IT enter the final world of illusions and desperately try to find the Zoroark to convince it to stop and let people truly live, that no one should hold their hands all the time, and quit living in a painless and meaningless utopia.

With everyone and their pokemon exhausted, Marie finds the strength to convince her other self. To let it see that she is living proof how people can live a life with the truth, and how they can stand on their own feet. 

After some time, the Zoroark agrees to dispel the illusions it has made, and appoint the rest of its power to Marie for her to be the guardian pokemon of the people of Inaba.

[burntblueberrywaffles]

The Snowbaird fanfic rec list!

As usual, if anyone is interested in joining the snowbaird discord, just shoot me a dm for an invite!

Before we start, some notes:

As we all know Snowbaird is fucked up and toxic 😌😌 but there are;;; levels to it so for easy navigation I have color coded this fic rec! Blue is for fics that are less toxic (now that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s NO toxicity but it definitely stands on the sweeter side of the Snowbaird spectrum) whereas red stand for "god these fucked up bitches 😍😍" (though for me a big no no is loveless Snowbaird, so even the more toxic fics in this list they do love each other!) - Ive also added an orange category for the mid level fics/ones where I couldn’t quite decide where they would rank- still, do keep in mind that those rankings are based on my personal judgement (plus I’m going off memory for some of the fics) so they may not be fully accurate.

Im also adding a "heavy smut" mention to some of these fic - that means the smut takes center stage in the fic and is pretty much unavoidable to properly read the story, a lot of the other fics on this list will still contain smut, but to a lesser extent/in a way where it’s not an integral part of the plot - remember to read the tags and curate your reading experience!

Sadly several of these are incomplete - I have added a mention of when the last update was posted as of today (april 22, 2024)!

Anyways, now that all of that is out of the way, here are the recs!

Capitol AUs

Helpless, Tender, Open by perfectlystill

When his heartbeat stutters beneath her touch, when his mouth falls open, breathing heavy, Lucy Gray pops open her clutch. She’s the one pouring antidote down his throat.

Complete

if i'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? by eecwritess

It had been fifteen years since Lucy Gray Baird had escaped Coriolanus Snow at the cabin in District Twelve. But now, she had been captured. Brought back to the Capitol after all these years to be punished as a Rebel. But President Snow...well, he has offered to save her. Under one condition.

Heavy smut - complete

Songbirds, Snakes, and Wedding Rings by celestscrystal

“Even she can’t charm your way out of that predicament.” Dr. Gaul taunted. He was losing her. He could already see the disinterest in her eyes. Highbottom had been long gone, his plans at sabotage were shattered, now he was just waiting to leave. Coriolanus had to make this work. His Lucy Gray must be kept alive. He had one final idea to convince them. It was his most dangerous idea yet. “I could marry her.” In which Coriolanus was never sent to district 12 and instead got away with a slap on the wrist. However, Lucy Gray would not be granted the same fate. In order to save her, Coriolanus marries her. Clashes ensue in a tale of enemies, passion, and lovers. Updates every Saturday/Sunday!

Incomplete but is getting weekly updates! I really love this one :D

Burn by vvitchimage

Life in the wilderness is harsher than Lucy Gray Baird had imagined. Sick and almost dead, she's forced to return home to the only person capable of taking care of her.

vvitchimage is definitely one of my favourite Snowbaird authors so you will see more of her works down this list; the way she writes the toxicity is just chefs kiss 🤌 Heavy smut - complete

Safe and close at hand by framboise

In which Coriolanus Snow is handsomely rewarded for his tribute winning the Games and in turn handsomely rewards his prize, Lucy Gray, herself. He's gone solemn now in the afterglow, serious. He cares for his own, Snow, she sees that with his family, and now she is one of them. Not his family, but something he owns. His prize, his ward, his girl. Is she to be his mistress then? she thinks hazily as she slips towards sleep. Is that the future for her? To escape from the viper's den into the viper's mansion? She shivers and he drags her closer, one large hand tucked around her hip. Well, she can't escape now even if she wants to, she thinks, sinking into the softness of the plush mattress, burrowing back into the heat and warmth of her jailor.

complete

the girl and the prize by merkstave

In Lucy Gray’s defense, it was never supposed to go down like this anyway. She was just supposed to seduce him, to weasel herself into the snake pit that was Coriolanus’ bed so that he’d keep her around long enough for her to formulate an escape plan. She’d meet with Highbottom and he’d help her like he said he would after she was crowned victor and she’d be back to being a faceless girl amongst the cover of the districts. She just had to say the word and the dean of Heavensbee Academy would make her disappear. She’d be back to singing in bars in no time, back to her old life on the run. That had been nine months ago. And here she was, in her warden’s bed, naked and with his cum stuck to her inner thighs. +++ Lucy Gray is given to Coriolanus as his ward after the games. It's supposed to be a temporary arrangement, nothing more than means to an end. However, nothing is ever easy, especially at the hands of a Snow.

Sadly incomplete but the 4 chapters we did get are SO!!! Truly the delicious kind of toxicity 🤌🤌 (last updated: Jan 15, 2024)

All Of That Ultraviolence by ggs_29

He was well dressed in a suit that fit, hair combed back, still just as handsome as before, if not more so. A full pantry suited him well, helping him to fill out the spaces that were too thin on his figure, and building up the hard earned muscles of his peacekeeping stint. Today, he sits behind his desk in a fine dress shirt, a button undone on top, and his cuffs rolled up his muscular arms. Lucy remembers Barb Azure’s old tales, about a pagan creature from a time before Panem, a fallen angel; the most beautiful of them all, but so easy to succumb to the temptation of power and glory; “ You can leave us now, Heavensbee.” Coriolanus says, holding his gaze on her, and his eyes are dark, predatory. Fuck. “Of course Mr. President; Madame Snow.” Hilarius shoots her a look filled to the brim with trepidation, and suddenly, she is back there again, paralyzed with fear. A girl of six and ten whose name had just been reaped. They’d been found out.

heavy smut - complete

Peacekeeper Coryo AUs

This Little Life of Ours by voiceinthecrowd

"I'll sing for you soon," she promises, hand threading through blonde curls. “I’ll write you into all my songs." “Maybe even write a Ballad of Coriolanus Snow”, she whispers, gasping as her boy manages to pull her even closer. It isn't the immortality he's been looking for. It certainly isn't the marble presidential busts he tells her about when they both can't sleep; how their stony eyes would bore into the souls of passing Capitol children; a young, hungry boy in Academy rouge. But presidents die and statues crumble. Coryo might not know it yet, but it’s stories and songs that persist. His ancient heroes and her whispered poems. They’re all stories, and Lucy Gray is determined to give Coryo the greatest story of them all. He’ll understand, one day. She’ll make it up to him, the dreams he’s left behind for her. He hasn't lost everything in Twelve. Lucy Gray will prove it. In which Lucy Gray stays for Coriolanus, and Coriolanus stays for Lucy Gray.

foaming at the mouth over this fic. complete

i wouldn’t mind the hanging, but the laying in the grave so long by rainfrog

He’s a Peacekeeper since the beginning. And she’s still that Covey girl who falls in love.

SO GOOD; this fic is 2,4k words long and NOT ONE OF THEM IS WASTED truly so many excellent lines in there 💯💯 - complete

Deal with the Devil by vvitchimage

Lucy Gray had lived in the cabin for months after her falling out with Coriolanus Snow. When spring comes, he returns to take over Hoff's place in the Peacekeepers. The day she's found, Lucy Gray has to strike a deal with the devil.

Heavy smut - incomplete but is still being updated! (last update april 18, 2024)

persimmons and soup beans by kayladevitoo

Coriolanus Snow moved up in the Peacekeeper ranks in District 12, becoming an officer. He shares breakfast with Lucy Gray after a night shift — soup beans and a persimmon.

short and sweet - complete

Chaos and control by Anonymous

Her name was Lucy Gray Baird, and she and her group were called the Covey. Technically, they weren't from the Districts; as it turned out, they were a group of traveling musicians who got stuck in the Twelfth when inter-District travel was banned. This somehow reassured him – that she wasn't from the Districts, that he hadn't gone crazy falling for a girl from the Districts – she wasn't one of those responsible for the war. So he no longer felt guilty about his dreams, sometimes strange, sometimes blatantly indecent, in which she was always the main character. 18 years old Coriolanus Snow, an orphan, who lost his mother, his father and grandmother during the war now is a Cadet Peacekeeper in the District 12, preparing to become an officer. Here he meets the most beautiful girl in the world

This fic is not as Snowbaird centric as the rest of this list, but god is it fantastic. This Anonymous author is simply incredible 💯 - complete

Modern AUs

Free Ride by betts

“Does Lucy Gray like you back?” Tigris asked. Coriolanus hadn’t actually considered that. He’d just assumed she didn’t and never would. He’d grown up with anything he could ever want given to him instantly, but now everything he wanted was impossibly far out of reach. Lucy Gray was no exception. Or: Coriolanus is a full-time university student, restaurant server, administrative assistant, and on the weekends he cleans and presses gowns. Occasionally he sleeps. So he really doesn't have time to be giving the weird bartender a ride home every night. And he definitely doesn't have time to become obsessed with her.

having really enjoyed Betts' Anidala fic Lemon, I knew we were in for a treat when i recognized her in the Snowbaird tag AND I WAS RIGHT, such an amazing take on modern!coryo - complete

I'm yours to keep and I'm yours to lose by fkevin073

Their lips slide together, then their tongues curl and she moans, a light, heady thing, come alight with the realization that she is finally, finally home. It’s tender at first, but at the sound of her moan Coriolanus grabs her chin in between his fingers and plunders her mouth harshly. As if this is a punishment. You left me, every kiss he gives her, takes from her, breathes. You left me. And Lucy Gray— Well. For her this isn’t a punishment at all. Or: Lucy Gray and Coriolanus can't seem to let each other go.

THIS IS SO!!!!! see this is the kind of ploltline I might not love in other circumstances, but THE WRITING IS SO INCREDIBLE that it just hits - complete

when the sun goes down by astradeluna

small-town girl lucy gray baird moves from district twelve to the capitol to attend the university to study music. this is her first time leaving home and although the prospect of starting over is terrifying, she’s still excited to make the most out of the opportunity. that being said, after a shitty breakup with her shitty ex, the last thing she wants is to meet someone, but then she crosses paths with coriolanus snow, an arrogant but ambitious government major, who seems to get under her skin with ease and he brings out a part of herself that she never knew existed

incomplete and the story hadn’t gotten to much development in the relationship yet but GOD I still need to put this here bc THE WAY the dynamics were so perfectly transcribed to this modern setting were just chefs kiss. Forever hoping this fic will return from war and get an update 🙏🙏 (last updated: Dec 20, 2023)

Other

Your Selfish Ways by thpsyche

Ten years since her disappearance from District 12 Lucy Gray decides it’s time to return, finding a shelter and a silent life. All would be well if it weren’t for the mysterious encounters of a man cloaked in darkness. A deal is struck, twice a month she would give up to him in return for his silence of her existence. Only one condition: she’s to not ask or look at him. - For the snowbaird week 2024| Day 2 – Myth.

GOD THIS FUCKING FIC - IM FUCKING OBSESSED WITH IT;;; EROS AND PSYCHE INSPIRED AU MY BELOVED - I have reread many times;;; if you see a thumbs up crying cat pfp going insane in the comments that would be me;;;; I am not normal about this 🙈 - complete

doomsday is close at hand by fkevin073

But on the first train of her nineteenth year, as the snows settle on the ground and ice curls in their lungs, something new comes with the train to arrive in District 12. A man by the name of Coriolanus Snow. (But Lucy Gray doesn’t find that out until later, of course) - Or: Coriolanus Snow arrives in District 12, and finds his very own songbird, ready to break free.

incomplete but according to @fkevin073 's tumblr it is not abandoned and she has just been busy;;; truly such a good fic I love it sm (last updated feb 14, 2024)

When I'm Pure Like a Dove, When I've Learned How to Love by Realmermaid333

Lucy Gray and Coriolanus bask in sunlight by the edge of the lake, enjoying each other's presence and calming each other's fears.

Short and sweet - the kind of softness we need more of for Snowbaird 🥺🥺🥺 - Complete

Saving Each Other by flipflop_diva

Lucy Gray had already accepted that she was going to die here in the arena, that sometime in the next few days she would meet her end. But then something else happened — and now there were two of them to carry on the fight. (An AU in which Coriolanus goes to save Sejanus and doesn't escape the arena.)

complete

Silent songbird by KitKatKatherine

Coriolanus Snow thought he knew everything that had happened to him these last few months. Lucy left him, he got into the academy, and Gaul was overseeing his studies. It’s not until he wakes up in the hospital and experiences a rather concerning conversation that he questions everything he once thought to be solid, reason logic. Vowing to never once again help Gaul, and capital be damned, he turns his charms on his own people, and becomes their worst nightmare.

Now, this fic does get quite dark; the author gives trigger warning on specific chapters but if you would like to be warned before getting any investment in the fic, feel free to dm me for details ❤️ - that said, it’s a great fic, I thought the take on disability was lovely and the way it portrayed Coriolanus realizing how rotten the system is and redeeming himself was great; incomplete but worth a read (last updated: Jan 13, 2024)

This is Not a Love Song by FrostedGemstones22

Lucy Gray and Coriolanus never go to the cabin, so they never find the guns. They decide to travel together, but Lucy Gray isn't so easily fooled. Truth is; he needs her, and she needs him. Common ground has to be found somewhere. Speculation about if they traveled up to find District 13.

THIS FIC IS SO EXCELLENT and definetely the best take I have seen on a district 13 AU - incomplete but absolutely worth reading (last updated: Jan 22, 2024)

in the woods somewhere by OfPearlsAndSunsets

Sejanus. She must have figured out that Sejanus was the third person Coriolanus had killed. She wouldn’t have known the particulars, but surely she could have pieced it all together. Still, to think he’d kill her? After everything they’d been through? He looked down at the loaded gun in his hands. Maybe he should have left it in the shed. It's as if he was hunting her. He thought about the knife and how it paled in comparison to the weapon he was carrying. What are you doing, Coriolanus? Something inside of him asks, and then demands. Put it down. He does.

Complete

Monster by Lululemonee

Coriolanus Snow if given both a gift and a curse when he meets his tribute for the 10th Hunger Games. She changed his life in ways which he never could have imagined. She's a dream and a nightmare rolled into one. And she is keeping him with her for the ride. I am very bad at summaries. This was inspired but the music video for "Scars" by Hazey Eyes which stars Tom Blyth and is sooooo good.

Complete

Deep in the Meadow by vvitchimage

Lucy Gray's reunion with Coriolanus in the meadow ends with him protecting her from her jilted ex.

Heavy smut - complete

BONUS:

Two different tribute!Coryo AUs! Are they Snowbaird centered? Not at all, there’s only a few crumbs if you squint BUT they slap SO HARD I truly recommend! (both are complete)

for cassius, no one wept by marianara_sauce

"Why don't we start from the beginning?" "Where else would we start?" She grins at him, rouge cheeks almost glowing. "Stories can start in all kinds of places. They can go in any kind of order, too. Just like songs." He watches her carefully, this relentlessly bright girl no longer in her rainbow dress. His eyes glance down to the form, blank spaces taking over most of the page. Name. District. Age. Family. It's not necessarily chronological. But her dark eyes don't look away from him, even as her grin softens. "Alright," he says. He steeples his hands together, and the chains rattle. "I'm Coriolanus Snow. District 12." (Or, the world in which Snow is a tribute instead of a mentor.)

Hail Panem by Anonymous

"Hail Panem! Those marching to their death salute you!" AU where Coriolanus Snow is a tribute from District Twelve who takes part in the Hunger Games

And that is all! There are a lot of other lovely Snowbaird fics of course but I tried focusing on my absolute favourites ❤️

Do let me know if you liked the list and if you’re a fan of any of these fic feel free to come scream about it with me!

+ Once again noting that my DMs are wide open to anyone wanting to join the Snowbaird discord! It is genuinely an online space I love and I’m always happy to meet more shippers 🫶🫶

[propertyofwicked]

people watching | spencer reid

spencer reid x bau!reader

inspo - people watching by conan gray

2.3k words

warnings: none really - canon character death, angst to comfort :)

they're counting months they've been together, almost 49

“y/n - how long have you worked with the BAU?” morgan asked, shooting you a smirk as you threw your head backwards with a load groan. 

“i don’t know? like, 4 years?”

“4 years, and 34 days, 2 hours and based on when we got called out for your first case, 34 minutes,” reid interjects the conversation without looking up from his file. 

“for someone who has worked here for 4 years, wouldn’t one assume that you would know we never get a whole week without a case?” morgan continued, ignoring reid’s comment, chuckling slightly at the face you pulled. you knew he was right, but something about garcia announcing there’s a new case made you grumpy. as a result you simply whined in response and pushed yourself up to walk to the round table room. morgan and jj walked ahead, but spencer stayed back to walk by your side. 

“hey, that made me realise we’ve been friends for 4 years - we should celebrate!” he said, not looking at you but carrying a smile on his face. 

“depending on the case, maybe we could do movie night when we get back?” you responded, but unlike him, you turned your head to respond to him. 

“that sounds good, did you know research has shown that spending time with loved ones, even doing something as mundane as watching a film, can increase your mental wellbeing?” this time he looked at you to respond, the smile still present on his face.

“so spending time with me is mundane?” you quipped, chuckling at the end of your sentence, so he’d know you were only messing. 

“reid, y/n, thanks for finally joining us,” hotch’s voice sounded across the room.

“sorry dad,” spencer joked, taking his seat next to alex.

they met in class for metaphysical philosophy

he tells his friends, "i like her 'cause she's so much smarter than me" 

they're having talks about their futures until 4:00 a.m

“hey spence?” you asked, filling the silence. the film you had been watching ending a while ago, but the two of you stayed sat on his sofa. at some point you had turned to face him, stretching across the chair with your legs over his. he didn’t mind - he compared it to the calming effects of a weighted blanket, rattling off the statistical benefits on anxiety. 

“yeah?” he looked up from his book, with a soft gaze in his eyes. 

“if you weren’t in the bau, what would you be doing right now?”

he paused for a moment, as if to think about his answer.

“i honestly don’t know. i don’t think i knew before i joined the bau either. had i not joined the fbi when i did, i think i’d still be in college just collecting degrees until i’d done them all,” he laughed to himself, “maybe a professor, i have taught a few classes.”

“i know - that’s how we met. you told that god awful joke about a horse who became hyper aware of his own reality.”

“hey! it wasn’t that bad.”

“spence - no one laughed.”

“you did.”

“and i regret that decision almost daily,” you respond, earning a light smack to the shin that was still thrown other his lap. 

“what about you? what would you be doing?”

“i used to think id be married by now but we both know how that ended,” you mention, referencing the ex boyfriend you and spencer both hated, “honestly though, i think id still be in the FBI but with counter intelligence like i had originally planned.”

“im glad you’re not,” he said with a smile. did he mean married or in a different department? you felt safer assuming the latter - it was safer to than getting your hopes up that some feelings might be reciprocated. so for now, you simply hummed in response and allowed the room to fall back into a comfortable silence. 

im only looking just to live through you vicariously ive never really been in love, not seriously

it was clear you had been mistaken, and in the most cruel and soul destroying way - through no fault but your own. he was happy, you could see. the way he no longer had bags living permanently under his eyes - he was sleeping. he’d sneak away to the payphone, assuming no one noticed. it started off serious, like he was only asking the other person direct questions. it didn’t stay that way. soon enough you found yourself sitting in the SUV, staring at him as he laughed into the phone, basically twirling the wire around his finger like a giddy teenage girl. spencer wasn’t yours anymore. you know he never was yours really, but still you held out hope that the lasting glances, the jokes, the comfort and the spontaneous movies nights meant something more to him. it was clear you had been mistaken. 

“you know if you keep staring at him like that your eyes might dry up,” JJ spoke from besides you one day. it made you jump - you hadn’t realised she was stood next to you and you certainly didn’t know how long she’d witnessed you staring at the side of spencer’s faces as he laughed and smiled over the phone. 

“i wasn’t staring,” you defended, but she gave you a look that said she knew you were lying, so you moved on, “who’s he talking to anyway?”

“we don’t know, but morgan and i think spencies got a girlfriend,” she taunted. you didn’t react, this wasn’t news to you - it didn’t take a profiler to work that out. jj didn’t say anything else, she just adjusted the strap of her bag and walked off to find hotch. eventually spencer put the phone down and walked over to you.

“hey you guys find anything?” he asked, it was a general question but it was clearly aimed at you. 

“nothing yet from me, garcia’s still digging stuff up on the victim though. it’s clear the unsub is organised, he’s been disposing these bodies for years, concealing their identities and he’s never been caught.” concealing their identities, you should know all about that reid, you thought to yourself but didn’t allow your face to waver.

“did you know that despite the rich history in the town, only 2,000 visit the area per year on average?”

“i didn’t, no.” it was a blunt response but you hoped he wouldn’t notice. but of course he did, mr 187 who couldn’t gauge most social cues but could tell when you were off with him. it wasn’t fair. how he could act like he loved you still, even though he clearly had someone worth keeping secret in his life. 

his hand reached up to rest on your shoulder, his tall frame towering over you, giving you an intense stare as he did.

“what’s up?” damn you and your profiling skills. you contemplated saying nothing, but that would only lead to more intense questioning, so you deflected, saying you were thinking about the profile. he seemed satisfied and left you to find hotch, just as jj had. 

cut people out like tags on my clothing i end up all alone but i still keep hoping

maeve was gone. that was her name, that was the woman that had made spencer happy in a way you couldn’t. she was gone, and emotionally, so was spencer. for weeks he moped, refusing to leave his apartment. but he was still your best friend. everyday, you sent him a message asking if he was ok, or needed anything, and everyday, it was left on read. whilst he needed his space, it wasn’t in your good conscience to leave him without support. 

walking up to his door was terrifying. why? you had been here thousands of times, spent hundreds of hours watching films on his sofa and yet your heart was beating so fast you felt as though it would tear through your ribcage and fall out on the floor in front of you. if spencer was here, he’d tell you that wasn’t physically possible and you’d more likely have a heart attack. he’d then reassure you by noting the statistical unlikeliness of having you having a heart attack. but he wasn’t, emotionally anyways. you knocked twice.

“go away garcia, i really appreciate everything you’ve done but please leave,” you heard him shout through the door. it was his voice alright, but deep and strained as if he had been crying for weeks - on second thought, he probably had.

“it’s me spence, not penelope. can you let me in?” you called back.

“no. please, i need some space.” ok, if that’s how he wanted to play it, tough love it was. 

“spencer reid if you do not open this door within the next ten seconds i will have morgan kick it down.” it seemed to work, you could hear a muffled sound of him standing up, shuffling across the floor and undoing the latch. you were not expecting the sight you saw when the door opened - it made your heart shred into tiny little pieces that you wanted to sew together and give to him. his hair was greasy, his facial hair had grown more than you’d ever seen it but worst of all, his skin was pale and his face seemed almost a hollow shell of the spencer you knew and loved.

“what do you want y/n?” he grumbled.

“i wanted to check in on you?” suddenly any tough love had gone out the window, and you doubted every word you said to him.

“ok, well im alive. you can go now.”

“spence ple-”

“i said i’m fine. y/n, i know you want me to sort myself out but im not ready to. please leave.”

“i don’t want you to ‘sort yourself out’ spence,” you paused to breathe, “you need to grieve, i understand that but i need you to look after yourself. however, you clearly don’t need me, you’re clearly coping so well on your own.” sarcasm was a defence mechanism - seeing him like that hurt you down to your very core, but they way he was treating you wasn’t fair. you turned on your heal, intending to leave with your dignity mostly intact, but as you go to take your first step a hand grabs you wrist, stopping you from moving.

“y/n, im sorry, please come in.” you offered him a restricted smile and stepped into this apartment, he followed close behind. you were expecting the worst, but this took it to another level. the curtains were drawn closed, takeout containers littered the counter, the floor and the coffee table - at least he was eating. spencer moved to the sofa, shoving books to the floor and offering you a seat. 

“talk to me spence, tell me everything going on in that big brain of yours.” and he did, you must’ve sat there for 2 hours as he told you about maeve, how he first contacted her, how she understood him, the way she laughed. he spoke about guilt, he believed it was his fault and that he’d never be able to forgive himself. only towards the end did he begin to cry, so you wrapped you arms around his torso and pulled him down to rest on your shoulder. to your surprise, his arms snaked around your waist and held you tight. the room fell into silence, as it had hundreds of time, but this one was not one of comfort as it usually was. 

after some time he sat up, “you know, IQ has no effect on the size of your brain. it may be cause a change in external appearance but the size itself will not change.” you couldn’t help but laugh - it wasn’t condescending, just the mere fact that he had spent two hours talking but still remembered to correct your original statement.

i wanna feel all that love and emotion be that attached to the person i'm holding

years passed since that day at spencer’s apartment. it took him a few more weeks, but he returned to work and returned to his normal self. he no longer thought of maeve, he thought of the future, he moved on in life whilst still holding a spot in his heart for her. soon, he became your best friend again - movie nights and take out were reinstated. sometimes he had to beg you to come round after a case to watch a movie. he remembered what life was like. 

that night was a night like many others. the credits rolled and the room became dark with no light blaring from the screen. silence. a comfortable one. tonight, you found yourself with your head laying on his lap, facing the tv, his arm rested on your hip and his fingers played with a hair tie absentmindedly. you said it was comfortable, he didn’t argue - spencer liked your presence. he appreciated you being in his life and never giving up on him. he admired your work ethic, and your friendship. you provided him an outlet, an escape from the stress and constant work.

“hey y/n,” he whispered, and you hummed in response, “i love you.”

“i love you too spencer.” your heart skipped a beat, but you knew he meant as friends, that’s all you were and all you’d ever be - you had grown to accept that. 

“no, y/n, i love you.” this made your head turn and you rolled onto your back to look up at him. “i mean it. i think i always knew deep down, but i couldn’t establish that that was what i was thinking. did you know studies show that some people have to feel love in order to love?”

“i love you too spencer.” you smiled up at him, squinting through your tired eyes, and his hand came down to stroke your cheek softly. 

[guiltyasdave]

are you ever dreaming of me?

series masterlist • this is part IV

pairing: Dave York x f!reader

a/n: This got very dark very quickly, but it had to be done. It’s basically just one big love letter from me to Dave and his character. I know Dave’s behavior in the last chapter has been a little frustrating but I hope it’ll make more sense now (it’s still frustrating though ngl). I also know this is not as smut-heavy as the other chapters, which might come as a disappointment to some. Stay with me here, more filth is coming soon, I just had to get emotional for a second. <3 (also, please be nice because I lowkey hate this, actually)

word count: ~3.1k

summary: Dave’s side of the story.

warnings: ANGST, bits of fluff if you squint, age-gap, mentions of killing people, mentions of death, mentions of rough sex, power imbalance, able-bodied reader, somewhat unhealthy relationship dynamics, dubios morals (Dave is cheating on his wife… kinda), idiots in love, this whole serious is still very much 18+ only, mdni… did I mention angst? (As always, please tell if if I forgot something!)

dividers by @/saradika <3

find my full masterlist here!

Dave York isn’t a good man.

He isn’t a good man and he hasn’t been in a long time. He probably had been, once, when he first joined the military, when he still thought that he was doing the good thing, the right thing. Before he killed his first man. Now he’s living in shades of gray, where nothing is as simple as right or wrong.

He knows that what he’s doing is not right, but then again, the people that he’s killing aren’t good men either. He’s doing what he’s good at, what he has been trained to do for years. He doesn’t really know what else he’s good at. If there even is anything else.

He makes enough money to provide well for his daughters, the only thing in his life that he really cares about, the two girls that he loves more than anything. He loved their mother too, once, when they were both young. They were high school sweethearts, got married quickly simply because that was the thing that you did, only to realize later that adult life with each other wasn’t what either of them had imagined.

He’s never told Carol what exactly it is that he does, trying to protect her, which then led to her not understanding what was going on when he came home feeling cold and empty, a void inside of him that nothing could fill. They both grew distant from each other, not sharing any real connection anymore, just living aside one another. It works for him; their daughters are still the top priority for both of them, and they’re going to do everything in their power to give them the best possible childhood.

He suspects that Carol is seeing someone else, with the way she’s sometimes working late for no good reason, sliding out of the room to answer her phone at odd hours, the way he occasionally finds a position on their shared credit card bill that he doesn’t have an explanation for.

Dave knows that if he cared, he could easily find out every little detail about it. If he cared, he would probably be angry at how she’s not even making an effort to hide it. But the thing is - he just can’t bring himself to care. Has never done the same thing either, neither out of spite, nor because he had any desire for it.

Until he met her.

Sitting in a hotel bar, two seats over from him, when he’d just gotten a job done and figured that a quick drink might help him fall asleep easier. The whiskey’s burn in his throat didn’t ease the coldness that felt like it had permanently settled into his chest, not that he’d expected it to.

He had just decided to retreat to his room and get out of the city first thing in the morning when she sighed loudly and downed her own drink abruptly. He had noticed her when he walked in, the way he always clocked every person in any room he entered, and every possible exit route. He had absentmindedly noted that she was attractive, then dismissed the thought immediately. Probably here for a date, much younger than him, not paying him any mind. Not a threat, and therefore not important.

Not important at all, until he found himself turning to her and offering to buy her another drink before his mind had even caught up to his actions, learning that she had just been stood up for what would indeed have been a date, noticing the glint of interest in her gaze as she eyed him up and down, feeling a kind of longing that he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Getting her to go up to his room with him had been easy. A mutual understanding of wanting each other, the desire to turn a shitty evening into something else, something that he doesn’t think either of them understood at the time.

Kissing her for the first time had been easy, too. Touching her, feeling her hot skin under his fingertips, her entire being so much softer, lighter than he was, felt easy. It felt right, like something that he hadn’t known he was missing right until that moment. He wanted to devour her, make her his, get her as close as he possibly could, before he inevitably had to give up this fleeting moment of something that suspiciously felt like happiness, and happiness never stayed within his reach for too long.

Sinking into her for the first time, hearing her gasp, her breath hot against his neck, felt even better. This was never gonna last, things this good never did. The way she clenched around him when he first slapped her ass and her whimper of “harder, please” turned him feral in a way that he hadn’t known before. How she gave up all control to him so willingly when his entire life had felt out of control for so long - it was addicting. He had known that he would come back for more again and again before he had even spilled himself into her for the first time.

He hadn’t planned for her to stay the night. Hadn’t planned for the way she kissed his lips in the morning, acting a little shy, like she was worried that he might send her away, but so clearly showing him that she wanted more of him, if that was what he wanted. And god damn, did he want to give her more, give her all that he had to offer, if only it wasn’t for the fact that any more of him would be enough to scare her away for good.

So, he didn’t give her more. Made it abundantly clear that he wasn’t looking for an emotional attachment, told her about his marriage, told her that they couldn’t be a thing. She was quick to hide her disappointment, but not quick enough for him not to notice. He half expected her to walk out then, that this wasn’t something she wanted, but instead she scribbled down her phone number, gave him a flirty smile and told him to call her “whenever”.

He knew he was being greedy, that he should have kept it a one time thing that he could keep a fond memory of, but of course he called her. Kept making stops in her town before flying back home, started spending weekends with her, the feeling of being around her too good to let go of.

He knows that it’s not right, that he’s probably taking advantage of her in some way. Of course he sees how badly she wants to please him, how she looks at him like he’s hung the moon for her. She has never denied him anything, no matter what kinds of depraved things he’s wanted to do with her. Hesitated, yes, but she has never said no. Never called red, never asked him to stop. Not when he first told her to call him “sir”, not when he spanked her for the first time, not when he’s edging her until she’s barely coherent, not when his fingers tightened around her throat for the first time. He could leave her a crying, shaking mess on the floor, and by the end of the night she’d still look up at him with those wide eyes and thank him.

It’s addictive and he can’t stop, always comes back for more when it feels like his whole life is spiraling out of his control again, when the darkness around him is threatening to swallow him whole. She’ll let him grab at her with rough hands, mold her body into any shape he wants, let him spit filth at her and let lose until he feels grounded again, until some of the darkness around him has dissipated.

Lately, work has been weighing on him even harder. Maybe he’s just getting older, maybe he has finally reached his limit, he’s not sure. With the whole week off, an incredibly rare occurrence, he knew who he wanted to spend it with. She had seemed stressed lately, like she needed a break too, so it was easy to convince himself that he was doing this for her. That it wasn’t just a selfish plan of his to spend more time with her.

Because somewhere along the way he has come to enjoy the time with her way too much. He enjoys lying in bed together, both of them catching their breaths, laughing about a stupid joke, the little tidbits from her life that she shares with him, the rare occasions when they’re walking around her neighborhood. The way she shyly grabbed his hand the first time, like she was scared that he would pull it away. The smile that she tried to but couldn’t hide when he didn’t.

This isn’t right and it’s not going to last, he’s well aware of that. As clear as he has been about his intentions, he still feels like he’s leading her on sometimes. But it feels too good to stop, to let go of one of the few comforts that he has in life.

The past few days with her have been heaven. He hadn’t anticipated how much he would enjoy spending so much uninterrupted time with her, how good it would feel to be around her the entire day, just watching her be herself and listening to her talking. And he has been talking as well, the feeling of speaking to someone without an ulterior motive, of someone listening to him just because they wanted to, more meaningful to him than he could put into words.

And all throughout, she had so willingly bent to his every wish, put all her trust into him, secure in the knowledge that in the end, he would take care of her.

So, Dave had let his guard down. Relaxed. Then the dream happened.

Last night, he had come home to find the girls slaughtered in their house, their small bodies soaked in blood. It’s a recurring nightmare, a fear that he can never entirely shake off, that haunts his subconscious every couple of weeks. He’s being thorough in his work, never leaving loose ends, keeping his private life concealed from the world that he moves in. The risk that anything could happen to them is as low as he can push it, but it’s not zero. Never zero, and it’s eating at him. Usually, he wakes up alone, gasping for breath, the sheets soaked with sweat. Him and Carol haven’t slept in the same bed for a long time.

Last night, it had been different. It had been different because she had been there beside him, shaking him awake and holding him in her arms until he calmed back down. It had also been different because she had been part of the dream. Just as dead, just as blood-soaked as his daughters.

She had been so sweet when he woke up, and it broke his heart. He wasn’t a good person. He was endangering everyone around him, he was endangering her by not being able to end this thing with her, and yet here she was, oblivious, comforting him.

He had always thought that eventually, he would be the one to break things off. But what if it was her? What if she figured out what a pathetic excuse of a man he was, that he couldn’t give her anything? Not a real relationship, and no future. He couldn’t let her in, couldn’t let her see who he was. What he did, what he was afraid of - and just how realistic those fears were.

He couldn’t even bear to picture the look on her face if he ever told her. The betrayal, the disgust, and eventually the fear. He couldn’t tell her. He wouldn’t. But how could he go on with this, knowing that every minute that he spends with her, he puts her in danger? Someone could find out. Someone could find her.

So does what he does best. Makes a plan. Suppresses his emotions until he’s sure of what to do. How to keep her safe. The logical part of his mind arrives at a solution pretty quickly: She’ll be safest if she stays away from him.

The emotional part of him, the part that he tries to keep shut down, doesn’t approve of this idea.

He has to tell her. Sooner rather than later, while the dream is still fresh in his memory, while he can still see her dead body when he closes his eyes.

Because he obviously knew about the dangers of being with him when he first laid eyes on her. When he kissed her for the first time, texted her for the first time, walked up to her apartment for the first time, when he booked this damn vacation because he’s unable to stay away from her. Unable to think straight when it comes to her. There’s a million reasons why he shouldn’t be with her and yet, he always finds a reason not to quit.

He tells himself that he’ll speak to her as soon as she gets up. Then once he’s done with his phone call. Maybe after they’ve had breakfast. At the end of the day, when they’re back in the room. He never does. He can’t.

The tension has become unbearable at that point. He knows that she’s confused, that she has questions that he doesn’t have answers for. His life feels out of control once again, so he tries gaining it back in the only way that he knows.

He half expected her to refuse him, but she seems just as relieved as he feels when he tells her to get down on her knees. Afterwards, he doesn’t feel better. Possibly hates himself even more.

He can tell that she’s off afterwards, and he’s battling himself to comfort her. This is not what he should be doing. None of this is what he should be doing.

Usually, she tucks herself into the space between his shoulder and his chest before he can even say a word. Not tonight. Tonight, she had her back turned to him before he had even switched off the lights, the “good night” that she normally breathes against his neck nothing more than a murmur from her side of the bed.

He stares at her backside in the darkness of the room, the way she seems to be curling in on herself, and he has no idea what to do. What they just did seemed like what she wanted, she had appeared eager, enthusiastic even, but maybe he read her wrong. Shit, he hadn’t even asked for her color once.

It’s quiet for a long time. He finally feels himself slowly drifting off to sleep, when her hears her sniffle. His eyes fly open again. It’s only minimal movements, but he can see her tremble ever so slightly. Fuck it, he thinks to himself as he reaches out towards her.

“Sweetheart? What’s wrong?”

You tense at his words, at the fact that he’s apparently awake. Has probably been the whole time. You try your hardest to make your voice sound normal, even though you know that it’s pointless.

“Nothing.”

It comes out even weaker than you had anticipated. You keep your back to him and feel him shuffling closer, his hand gently pulling at your shoulder to turn you towards him. “Baby. Talk to me.” His voice is soft in your ear and your heart is beating painfully in your chest. Baby. He has never called you Baby before. You feel a fresh wave of tears welling up in your eyes and shake your head but let him turn you around until you’re facing him.

His eyes search your face in the faint moonlight that’s filtering into the room and his hands cup your damp cheeks, his thumbs gently running over the skin under your eyes. The worry that’s so evident in his expression right now makes you want to break down. You’re exhausted, and confused, and you don’t understand the man in front of you and his contradictory behavior at all. So far you’ve been crying silently, but you can feel your bottom lip trembling as you try to suppress the sobs that are threatening to crawl up your throat.

“Did I- shit, was I too rough, did I hurt you? You didn’t say anything, but I never asked- I should’ve checked, I’m sorry, I-“

“You didn’t hurt me,” you whisper, cutting off his frantic rambling. He didn’t, not in the way that he’s referring to, anyway.

“Then what’s wrong?” he pleads, his hands still on your face, “Talk to me.” You inhale deeply. You really don’t want to have this conversation, but maybe it’s best like this. Rip the bandaid off, make it quick.

“Do you want to leave?”

Your voice breaks on the last word. He stares at you for a beat, his eyes wide. “Do I- What?” You shrug, unable to bring yourself to ask a second time. One of his hands slides down to your shoulder, holding you there. He doesn’t speak, his eyes boring into you.

You can’t hold his gaze any longer, your eyes dropping down to his chest instead. “You’ve been… weird. Today. I thought- I don’t fucking know, that I had done something or that you’ve-” a sob breaks free and interrupts you, “that you’ve had enough of me. That you don’t want to go on with… this.” You gesture helplessly between the two of you.

You’re certain that now you’ve said too much, that if he hadn’t had enough before, he definitely has now. You’re supposed to be fun, a distraction, not someone who’s clinging to him, but you’re feeling too exhausted, too raw to keep pretending like this thing between you doesn’t mean something. To you, at least.

“Fuck,” Dave mumbles, and you gaze up to see the anguish in his eyes before his arms envelop you and he presses you against his chest, speaking into your hair. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise.”

It’s quiet for a minute as you’re inhaling his scent, trying to calm yourself down, when something occurs to you. “You didn’t say no,” you whisper into his chest, “you said that I didn’t do anything, but… you didn’t say that you don’t want to leave.” Dave freezes for just a second, searching your face, then he sighs heavily. He sounds defeated, you think.

“No, I don’t want to leave.”

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series masterlist

[gh0st-author]

lover of mine

pairing: William James Moriarty x reader

tags: angst, hurt/comfort but very bittersweet

summary: when i take a look at my life and all of my crimes, you're the only thing that i think i got right

warnings: mentions of death, lots of sad thoughts

A/N: ha ha .. guess who's back ... jk jk i've been away for a little while and i dipped in true fanfic author fashion BUT HEY im back now. and i was craving a bit of pain so here is a lil something angsty. its more of a character study than anything... also could you tell that ive been listening to lover of mine lmao

The serene silence of the night was interrupted by a strangled gasp, a broken intake of air momentarily cutting through the calm as a figure arose suddenly from their sleeping position, clutching their chest. Scarlet eyes flashed open, disoriented, hauntingly glancing around the room, the man trying to gather his bearings. He felt as if the walls were caving in around him, although the logical part of his brain was aware that those notions were only in his head. But lately, there was little difference between nightmares and consciousness to William.

And that was all that this was— a nightmare. A horrible fragment of his imagination seeping into his dreams and haunting his waking hours. Usually, the myriad of thoughts and emotions was kept tightly at bay in the furthest reaches of his mind, but at night when his defenses were lowered and his being slumbered, they seeped through and poisoned his dreams, his consciousness becoming a prison, caging him in. Faces flashed before his eyes, his own bloody hands, the weight of his own deeds and sins— oftentimes he felt less like a man and more like a whirling swarm of guilt, despair, and nihilty.

He directed his gaze at the ceiling, eyes tracing the veiny cracks weaving over it like spider webs, as his mind churned with thoughts. His soul was screaming out, but no sound seeped out. Power comes in response to a need, not desire. He felt no desire for bloodshed he dished out, found no enjoyment in it, yet he continued to drag himself further into hell, each step heavy as stone but unwavering, preserving what little hope was left at the cost of damning his soul. That was something he needed to do. He even abhorred violence, deeming it an absolute evil. Violence for violence was the rule of beasts, yet most days he felt as if it was the only language he knew how to speak. Maybe before long, he will become just like them, a violent animal of claws and teeth that did not know why it bit, crossing the blurry line of this dark gray area he roamed in and passing the point of no return. 

A minuscule movement and soft rustling of the sheets at his side drew his attention away from his musings. He gazed down at the figure sleeping next to him peacefully, face serene and bathed in moonlight. Shadows splayed over her skin making her look even more ethereal, hair draped over the silky pillowcase forming a halo around her head. An angel— or perhaps divine punishment for his sins. 

She was a being pure and unsullied by the darkness of the world; the darkness in him. Sometimes, he was almost afraid to touch her, in fear of tainting her pristine radiance with his stained hands. The mere fact that a person so far fallen like him was able to bask in the warmth she provided was as cruel as it was bitter-sweet. 

She was an existence that he shouldn't have been able to approach, and the reality of that seemed too harsh and unkind in actuality, yet he often found himself wondering if that was really true, though.

Reaching out to brush away a stray lock of hair from her forehead, he once again contemplated that thought. Maybe fate wasn't evil or cruel for sending him this brilliant shard of light. Perhaps it was actually merciful, providing him with a single taste of heaven— something he thought he had no hope of ever reaching. Maybe it was kind enough to gift him with this momentary reprieve. 

Her brows furrowed in her sleep as his ministrations disturbed her slumber. He slowly drew his hand back as her eyes opened, blissfully unaware of the turmoil in his. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

She shook her head and inched ever so closer to him. "Why are you not asleep? You have to teach early tomorrow." Her worried gaze ran over his face. "Did something happen?"

"No, nothing." His throat was tight, each word rasping out almost painfully. "I am just... pondering."

She hummed lowly, considering him, then rose to sit next to him, leaning her head against his shoulder. "Hmm, a bad nightmare?" 

He sighed deeply, bone-weary, resting his cheek against her temple. "Don't concern yourself with it. I promise I am fine."

She let out another hum, and he knew what she was attempting, yet he was too weak to refuse her. She gently cradled his hands in her lap from where they'd been clutching the sheets and started tracing little patterns with her thumbs over them. "Tell me about it"

A small wry tilting of his lips, too fleeting to be called a smile, accompanied her actions. Exactly as he predicted. She knew precisely what to do to get him to talk. And that was no fault of hers, for he always acquiesced and yielded to her wants. "When I put my life into perspective, and all of my sins and crimes I committed, you are the one singular decision in it that I think I made right."

Her hands paused their movements and her gaze flew to his face, confused and slightly vexed. "What do you mean?"

Her face was so sincere, so unwaveringly loving, that he was barely able to endure the depth of her gaze. Yet he was unable to tear his eyes away from hers as the words spilled from his trembling lips. "My only right choice was meeting you, despite all of my wrongdoings. But your place is not with me, in the shadows. You should be out under the sun, never touched by our darkness."

Her brows furrowed once again, this time more severely, and he observed her face becoming even more confused and irked. "William you are talking nonsense." She clutched his hands tighter. "I chose you, William. Promised to be by your side through the good and the bad. No one else. You"

Another piece of his soul bloomed and withered away with her words, leaving its rot embedded deep in his chest. He slowly rose one hand from her grip to rest it gently on her cheek. "How I wish I could've loved you under different circumstances."

"Stop that!" she protested, shock subsiding, replaced with indignation. "You fight for equality. You are noble. You are not evi—"

"There is nothing noble about what I do." The look he gave her was cold and mournful, closed off. Any semblance of warmth leeched out of it. "Taking someone's life— even for a greater cause— is never justice." Dropping his hand from her face, he inched away from her, pulling away as the thick walls he usually built to keep these thoughts away crumbled in her presence. As he confessed to her the depths of his despair. "I never told you this before, but I plan to die." He didn't know if saying these words was a weight off his chest, or the last nail in his proverbial coffin. "I plan to atone with my death, to disappear as the last blight on society. To end the great evil that the masses depict me to be."

"Don't you dare!" Her words were a shocked gasp. And suddenly she understood— he saw it in her eyes that she did. She saw his guilt. Guilt, and grief, and resentment, and loathing. An inescapable torment weighing him down, trapping him, crushing him under the immense pressure of his deeds. A bottomless pit pulling him into its depths of despair. She understood why he condemned wrongdoings so harshly, why he mourned the loss of life. There was probably no one who valued human life more than him, yet was forced to extinguish it to save the majority. And he saw her terror. He saw her grief, her anguish, her heartbreak. 

With a sob, she threw herself in his embrace. She was shaking, trembling in his arms, and his chest caved in knowing he was the cause of her pain. Her plea was a broken whisper. "Don't you dare, William. Not like... that. Never like that. Remember our deal: Where you go, I go. If you die, I'll follow, since there is no me without you."

His mouth opened to protest, to refute her argument, to undoubtedly say something akin to her life holding more value than his, but she halted him with a firm grip on his shoulders. "Promise me!"

Her eyes were boring into his, and once again he found himself rendered speechless and unable to resist her. "I promise I won't." The falsehood tasted like ash on his tongue, and not for the first time he wanted to cut the lying appendage off. What good did it serve him if it only knew treachery and deceit? If it would only bring her more pain.

Her trembling hands wound around his figure as she hugged him tightly once again. "You are everything to me, William. I don't know what I would do without you. Please... Please never say something like that again."

A shuddering breath left his lips and he leaned completely into her, resting his head in the crook of her neck, feeling incredibly worn out and frail. "How do you not condemn me?"

Her hands slowly made their way up to brush through his hair, so achingly gentle. He couldn't remember when the last time that he'd been touched so lovingly was. Couldn't remember if he'd ever been before meeting her. "I love you, William, the broken parts and everything. Stained hands or not. I have always vowed to stay by your side. No matter how much our souls are tainted, we will spend the rest of our lives atoning for it— together. After all, is it better to just be born good or to achieve goodness through your own effort?"

She leaned back to smile at him, then brushed a soft kiss against his lips, still trembling from the onslaught of his raging inferno inside him. "Hurt and grieve but don't suffer alone. Use the pain as a motive to continue forward. You will heal and you'll rise above it all."

Oh, she was so cruel, unintentionally so. Her sincerity was like bitter wine down his throat or a poison slowly making its way through his bloodstream. The simple fact that she truly believed there was any chance of redemption for him hurt more than death by a thousand papercuts. "I was correct." His hand lightly traced her cheek once again. Every word was a wound slowly bleeding out, draining his strength with it. "I really do not deserve you."

She shook her head, somber once again. "Stop saying that. I can't think of a man more worthy of my love and redemption." 

Darkness without light was an abyss. Light without darkness was blinding. You could not have a coin with only one side. Maybe they were like that. She was his perfect antithesis, his other side. The one that would grab and pull him out of the bottomless abyss of living hell, and he was the one that would ground her and shield her from flying too close to the sun. She would provide warmth to thaw away his frost, and he would keep her fire from burning out too fast. He only hoped he would be around long enough for her to not need him anymore. He hoped she wouldn't be too furious with him after he'd perished. What was another broken promise added to his ever-growing list of sins?

Because he couldn't stay with her in the light. She was still so incredibly radiant, not as far gone as he was. He knew that only the dead have seen the end of war. And that has always been his plan from the beginning. For how could he, a sinner as vile as the ones he was ridding the world of so diligently, be allowed to live in this new pristine world he was trying to create? How could she still see something good in him when he was the biggest evil that had to be eradicated? His fate has been set in stone since the first day he took Albert's hand, maybe even before that, yet with every new day he found his resolve on that matter wavering more and more. With each kiss from her; with every touch; with every love-filled glance— she made his icy determination crumble under her warm light. He was nothing but a coward wearing the face of a revolutionary, desperately clinging to life— to her— when he knew he couldn't. But for her, he almost thought it was worth it to live.

Sometimes he felt as if he could feel time moving, slipping through his fingers, and that dreaded moment of judgment creeping up closer and closer behind him, breathing down his neck. A walking dead man— that's what he was. The person currently cradling her, whispering sweet lies and false promises, was just his shell, a ticking time bomb or a lit candle only waiting for its fuse to burn out. That is precisely why he said nothing more as she urged him to go back to sleep once again. Said nothing as she draped the covers over them. Said nothing as the stifling silence threatened to pull him under once again. 

He would not be sleeping tonight, although she did not need to know that.

[miraigis]

i absolutely love the fact that wild life seems less fair than the previous seasons. like grian always had a little bit of an advantage as the admin but it was never THIS MUCH. and it really scratches an itch in my brain with watcher grian ideas....

first of all: he is more aware of his advantage and he is definitely using it more and he even says it himself that this season isnt supposed to be fair. he witholds the information he has about the wildcards from both the other members and the viewers. NOW arguably as an irl reason this is probably to make the viewing experience more enjoyable and to not spoil it, however when i use my little autistic mind to contort this into lore..... ahahahahahahah :3333 grian is definitely getting more powerful as a watcher and he isnt afraid to abuse this power to his favor. i can even imagine that the increased watcher power is the very thing making him more apathetic to the suffering of others and it is the cause for his indifference towards the lack of justice in this situation because watchers arent fair. because life isnt fair.

also ive seen a lot of people point out that he is definitely more bloodthirsty. now grian was always out to get everyone that hurt him or his alliances HOWEVER this time hes not only more aggressive in terms of his actions but also his words. he seems way more irritated and snappy and condescending. all of which are definitely watcher traits in my opinion

i like to believe that watchers are usually morally gray with some leaning towards more cruel and some leaning towards more merciful entities. i havent watched evo a lot but based on clips ive seen and fan media relating to the watchers of evo, i will assume that evo's watchers were on the crueler side. if these were the watchers that took grian and made him into a watcher then obviously grian would also end up brutal and indifferent.

this is a bit unrelated but i think it would be interesting to mention, i also have a headcanon that the life series/games were grians idea as a watcher and he participated in it solely for his entertainment. watchers obviously would have little care for the lives of those beneath them and would see this as mere entertainment. however i also think that everything that happened in third life (which was the first game) would make grian a lot more empathetic as he would have experienced the #horrors and having a limited amount of times you can die before you dissappear. it would also remind him of his time before the watchers. as much as he would probably like to end the games there it would have been too late and the watchers would make it continue, most probably keeping grian as a prisoner inside the series as punishment for disobedience (and maybe for caring about human lives too much) now how does this specific headcanon get to wild life? well, grian is getting more powerful with each time he participates in a game, also if we relate this to hermitcraft (specifically 9) the rift may be giving him more power. he built the rift himself presumably to harness the power of his past life as a watcher and the power follows him to his self in the life series. each past life gives him even more power which is the reason why i think he gets even more powerful each season of traffic.

lastly i will mention briefly about the fact that JIMMY SOLIDARITY PRAYED TO THE FUXKING WATCHERS AND HE ESCAPED THE CANARY CURSE. NOT ONLY THAT BUT BOTH OF GRIANS TEAMMATES LOST THEIR LAST LIVES AND GOT ELIMINATED. i honestly dont know what to say about this, its probably the watchers working against grian so he doesnt win BUT GODD IT WAS INSANE????? i still have to draw fanart for this.... anyway jimmy is aware of the watchers obviously and he may or may not know that grian is an ex watcher

tldr: wild life is fueling my watcher grian obsession

EDIT: i have one last thing to add (i promise its the last) i CANNOT WAIT for grian to go on a double life pearl esque bloodlust fueled killing spree and then everything crumbling all at once. and i sure cannot wait for him to face the consequences and have everything blow up in his face (maybe literally?) and i want him to suffer. so. much.

ok rant over i need to actually do the things i need to do

[mohgreal]

Mr Greal I need to rant about a SOTE thing I was thinking about last night. Fucking. Why not make it so that Mohg and Miquella were collaborating and both had a genuine, shared view of how to change the world? They both want the best for the disenfranchised races of the Lands Between, right? Miquella has the metamorphosing Albinaurics in the Haligtree, Mohg has his little red Mohglets, stuff like that.

Wouldn’t it be interesting if Blood For The Blood God Big Boy Mohg was who Miquella deemed the most kind or worthy or whatever of the demigods? Raaaaagh I’m just so mad how SOTE bulldozed over these two characters and sapped out anything interesting about them.

cw: me being annoying, (long) sote ranting because this fandom hates me for hating but that never stopped me, if you take this seriously its on you sorry . for some reason i get people feel offended by me openly expressing how i feel about some dlc so im still putting this here You Were Warned ....mr greal will add his personal comments .....

tumblr keeps fucking up my keep readinf STOP im sorry

this is my biggest gripe with sote is how boring they made the existing lore. not even 'bad', just very very boring. it's like i got the most boring reddit fanfiction as canon, which sucks because all the new stuff IS interesting. expect now i don't even care because they sucked the interest i had for the lore by doing so. they could've made radahn more interesting by giving him more lore that isn't just "i love war, golden order, and horsey!". they could've gave mohg more lore and depth. they could've made miquella more interesting and a genuinely new and fresh character with hope for once in a game where it's all bleak and misery.

but they didn't. why.

i don't get it and i never will. im convinced they had a different, or possibly worse — multiple teams work on sote because the way the entire dlc is structured, especially the lore and missing elements (no cutscenes for main bosses or black and white art desc) — really screams too many chefs working on one game (dlc). nightreign existing proves my prior theory ive had since sote came out day one

miquella is, to me, the most boring possible route they could've gone. if you believed the charming theory then it was also predictable for like two years so it's not even as shellshocking as the narrative makes it, because the game expects you (in the sense that based off the existing lore you would have the idea that miquella is morally gray) to know this. the issue is that the only real lore really pointing toward miquella being a charm guy is the bewitching branch. two sentences. you're supposed to get that miquella was Bad All Along because of [one] item description. why micheal zaki???? and yes you could say the other item descs hinted at it, but that's all it is, hinting. its vague and you could easily understand it as miquella being the true goodie people in game think he is.

as for the extreme devotion, i don't see how it's supposed to be seen as bad if you didn't know miquella was a charmer when it makes sense for the lands between to cling to the only piece of hope there is. like i would be worshipping him too when he's supposedly the only real kind demigod trying to make a change??? is this just micheal zaki and georgey marty's way of telling us life is miserable and dont trust incestous blondes? ive seen people defend this by saying its a design choice so the player can feel like miquella is good, then get betrayed like his followers so you can feel it too. but this doesn't work because you would have to be attached or at least like miquella which is basically impossible (unless you were a tumblr miquella stan feeding off dust and scraps) since you haven't meet him?? how can i be betrayed by someone whom i haven't even met? miquella is just childish griffith (im sorry to say that name) marika-ranni morally gray "you tried" badge lumped into one and i really miss how interesting he was before his own dlc. not to mention he only shows up piggybacking on his now boyfriend-brother for like one minute; and that's all he gets in his own dlc . if he was at least his own boss instead of lothric-lorian copy pasted but worse i wouldn't be nearly as disappointed

radahn is still boring to me, which he was before as well, his personlity is basically just the modern irl gymbro to me, which is to say i can't see him without his gym (in radahn's case, war or the golden order)

and mohg getting used as a body bag is so unneeded and just feels forced. i didn't even feel sad. the mohgreal (mr greal as called in the ask™️) didn't get sad at mohg being basically used even beyond death. because it didn't need to happen. you could say that's what makes it tragic, but to me it's just a cheap way of forcing radahn back. radahn's soul isn't what makes him powerful, his powers and body is. so just use mohg instead, miquella already had him charmed, did he not?? radahn's soul isn't going to make mohg magically radahn — except oh wait it magically makes mohg radahn all of a sudden even though that's not how it works!!! we literally saw ranni do this exact same thing (just with her own soul) yet radahn is a magic exception??? this is a blatant retcon and people who pretend sote doesn't have retcons feel like they're gaslighting me because this is just one of a few examples of contradicting lore sote gives you. even if you could magically give me a pile of reason to fill the plotholes, it still feels sour because i never needed to do this in the base game

TLDR: sote made me not care about elden ring, and im now back to being a horror addict im sorry. everyone is allowed to rant to me im very bored

[x0x0josephinex0x0]

hi baby! im sure ure flooded with requests but ive been feeling really insecure ab my hip dips n stretch marks lately n ur writing really comforts me... so i was wondering if u could write smt ab dokyeom or anyone u want rlly! finding reader feeling bad ab their hip dips and stretchmarks and he comforts them? totally ur choice love u! ❤

oh girl i have had the WORLDS WORST body image week ever so this request hits difffffffffffffferent. i'm so happy to do that -- for both of us. warnings: female reader, body image issues are a major theme, descriptions of physical insecurities of the reader, mention of a doctor visit, and possibly a bit angsty with a happy ending

this is:

No Less a Goddess

"can i come to the gym with you?" you ask shyly, peeking around the corner at your boyfriend, who is changing into his shorts and tee to work out.

"huh?" seokmin asks, whirling to look at you with his arms in the sleeves of his shirt, having been interrupted in pulling it over his head. "you've never asked before! i'd love to have you come along!"

"what do i wear?" you ask, unable to keep from smiling at his enthusiasm.

"anything you want!" he says. "just make sure it's easy to move in."

about fifteen minutes later, the two of you are walking down the stairs to the gym in your shared apartment complex, hand in hand. seokmin's sunny smile and idle chatter is almost enough to distract you from the growing knot of discomfort in your stomach.

sure enough, the second you walk in, you notice a woman running on the treadmill. her short shorts and sports bra are stylishly coordinated, at a stark contrast to your ratty gray sweatpants and ugly oversized tee. her legs are muscular, and you can't see a single ounce of fat on her. you swallow hard and try to pay attention to seokmin instead, who is excitedly showing you around. "and this is where i painstakingly grew the arms you have come to know and love," he's saying, pointing at the barbells. "you should say thank you."

"i appreciate your service," you say with a small salute, and seokmin chuckles.

"so, what are your fitness goals?" seokmin asks, shrugging off his jacket.

you have to appreciate how the gray tee hugs the contours of his body, so you just say, "i just want to be a part of whatever it is you've got going on." which makes him beam.

you join seokmin for leg day. surprisingly, you're amazed by how much you're actually able to do -- apparently years of working on your feet has paid off, and while you're not perfect, you can mostly keep up with your very athletic boyfriend. it's actually kind of fun, too, which is no surprise -- seokmin makes everything fun.

but in the back of your mind, you're still thinking about that woman on the treadmill. seokmin is the most loyal man you know, and the idea of him cheating on you is actually laughable, but you can't help but compare yourself to her. that's the kind of person he deserves, you think to yourself. not a slob like me.

it had been a bad week for your body image. earlier on, you'd had to go to the urgent care for a bad case of pink eye, and the doctor had announced your weight to you out loud, which honestly felt like cruel and unusual punishment, especially given that it was the heaviest you'd ever been. the sting was only exacerbated when you went shopping for a few new outfits for a cruise you were taking next month with seokmin. your love handles, your thick thighs covered in stretch marks and cellulite, your hip dips -- all these insecurities you'd always had seemed to zoom into the forefront of your mind and start yelling at you.

you hadn't yet confided in seokmin, because you knew exactly how he'd react. but it becomes impossible not to tell him when, post-gym and post-shower, he corners you in the bedroom and sits you firmly down on the mattress. "something's up," he insists. "what's wrong?"

"i'm feeling insecure," you admit, avoiding his gaze.

"about what?" he asks.

"have you noticed i've gained weight?" you ask in a small voice.

"no," he responds, confused. "is that what this is about?"

"at the doctor's office," you continue softly, "i found out i'm the heaviest i've ever been." you take a shuddering breath. "and i'm getting more and more stretch marks. and i just feel like you're so out of my league. i mean, look at you." you gesture to him in all his freshly showered glory.

seokmin just blinks. "well? do you have anything to say?" you ask him, feeling a little hurt at his lack of response.

he hesitates. "well, i'm not sure what to say," he says slowly.

"well, thanks," you say, standing up and stalking out of the room. "super helpful, babe."

"no, wait! come back!" seokmin says, sounding panicked. "let me finish."

"oh, was there more?" you shoot at him. "because your silence was really loud."

he sighs. "honey, i understand you're feeling upset and i get it, i really do. but you have to let me finish talking."

his patient tone of voice grates at your already frayed nerves, but you bite your tongue and sit back down on the bed. this is seokmin, you remind yourself. seokmin, the kindest person alive. seokmin, who never meant to hurt you even when he did. and seokmin, who always made things right.

he reaches over and grabs your hand. "it's hard for me to respond to that because to me, you're perfect," he begins. you scoff, and he squeezes your hand. "hear me out," he implores.

you sigh but finally turn to look him in the eyes. he gives a small smile before starting again, playing absently with your fingers. "your body is ..." he says, and trails off, his eyes devouring you hungrily. he finally shakes himself back to normal and continues. "ugh. i'm gonna get distracted if i go into more detail, but let's just say i'm more attracted to you now than i ever have been, and that's saying something." he laughs quietly. "it's hard for me to understand the insecurities because to me, you're a goddess."

"okay," you say hesitantly. "but that doesn't make them any less real."

"no, i know," seokmin agrees. "so i guess what i should've said is that... i'm really sorry you can't see yourself like i do right now. and i will do whatever it takes to remind you that no matter how things change, or how you change, i fell in love with you for so much more than just your body. and that's one thing that's never changing," he finishes.

you study him with a stony face for a moment. "okay, that was pretty good," you admit, finally cracking a smile.

"was it?" he asks.

"and you should be rewarded," you continue, sliding closer to him on the bed in the most suggestive way you can muster.

he blushes. "well...i'll never say no to that," he agrees, pulling you closer to him for a kiss.

[sun-stricken]

Gray, Lyon and Ultear family ideas? I like to imagine Gray tells them about one of fairy tail’s exploits and they get concerned about his well-being. Mandatory family trips thatGray definitely doesn’t try to avoid (Lyon and Ultear have learnt to alert the guild when they’re coming so Gray can’t escape).

And if you don’t mind, Gray and Loke being BFFs?

Thanks! This blog makes me happy

im so happy you enjoy my blog!! i enjoy it too ;D

i’ve actually made a post similar to this before, but heres more

ty for the ask and sorry this took a while, ive been busy

Once a month (at least) family trip are a must, It started with Ultear dragging Lyon places during the 7 year gap but it started being a more regular thing when Gray turned back up

the first couple time they tried to do things together, it was a disaster

they werent familiar with each other and were hella awkward

Also, when Lyon & Ultear would mention to Gray they were coming into town, he would try to convince the team to go on an impromptu job

they’ve since learned to warn Erza of their arrival so he cant leave

‘abt to come into town, do not let that mf leave’

‘Guarding the doors & windows rn’

Grays probably walked into the guild to see one or both of them and turned right back around

The first time the showed up when Gray wasnt around they got a shovel-esque talk

it was terrifying and also confusing considering they think of themselves as his siblings so shouldnt they be giving those talks?

Ultear really embraces her oldest sibling role and pays for practically everything they do together

While Gray will try to avoid in person outings, he will blow up their phones (lacrima devices, whatever) at all hours of the night

Lyon probably has a 16 step skin care routine that he tries to nag the other two into trying it

its a fools quest tbh

They argue. so much. cannot do anything together without a disagreement. they probably have fist fought each other too

They are fiercely protective of one another, they can be pretty subtle about it but its clear as day to anyone who even slightly crosses them

They as a whole have a gambling/betting problem

They have run their pockets dry with it

They have been kicked out of multiple restaurants for being too loud

Gray tells them off-handedly abt the jobs and events he went through while growing up in Fairy Tail and they just sit back and listen in horrified fascination

they have absolutely no planned photos of them, they just never got around to it (*coughcough* grayrefusedtobeinone *coughcough*)

however! they have soooo many candid ones, Gray glared and complained when he found out (but he has half of them framed or saved on his phone)

Ultear and Lyon got pretty close duriny the 7 year gap and while Gray swears hes not jealous of it he totally is

Ultear, Lyon, & Gray; Guilt Complex Extraordinaires

Loke & Gray things :D

Nobody knows if Loke had a house, he always crashed on Grays couch

They are the reason for the sassy man apocalypse

When Lucy lets him have a day off his first stop tends to be Gray

Loke taught Gray how to cook

If Gray gets mad at him, Loke will attempt to deescalate it by flirting

Grayll be scolding him and Loke will stare at him and say smth like “are we about to kiss right now🥰”

it only serves to make Gray more angry

Orange cat friend + Black cat friend

Theyre the type to know in detail each others existential crisis’s but not each others favorite color

they do not have blackmail on each other. none. because they know if they ever did and actually released it the other would post absolutely every single humiliating thing they’ve done ever

There is no such thing as a judgement free zone with them

Their tastes are so different that when they have to get gifts for each other that if they look at smth and think “wow this is so ugly” they know its the right one

they probably hooked up at some point but thats neither here nor there

Loke, Gray and Cana were kinda like the mean girls of young fairy tail

They had a dont ask dont tell policy on their pasts, however every other personal detail abt each other was free reign

A lot of their conversations have left them with a sense of dread, confusion and hysteria

Lokes the type to walk into ppls houses like its his own, his most common victim is Gray

Loke, pulling the shower curtain back: Were out of ch— stop screaming

Gray, still screaming: HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE???

Loke, nonplussed: You left the kitchen window unlocked, also we’re out of chips

SORRY ITS SHORT!!

[whumpy-muffle]

Medwhump May Day 4: Sedated

I've dabbled in writing fiction every now and then but this is the first time I've actually posted any of it. Couldn't really figure out a fandom for this, so OCs it is then (didn’t have enough fictional evil men in my life so I decided to make some of my own).

Tags/warnings: medical inaccuracies, drugged (for their own good), questionable caretaking, mystery illness, descriptions of what getting drugged feels like, referring to an adult as a ‘kid’, organized crime, mentions of bullet and stab wounds

Words: 924

@medwhumpmay

Vincent was worried. He was pacing back and forth in the upstairs hallway of the boss’s mansion. It had been three days since they had that unfortunate run in with a rivaling association. Three days in hiding. 

He had had his hands full with helping his colleagues through their injuries. Vincent was the only one with a medical degree so of course he’d be in charge of that. He didn’t mind fixing up bullet grazes and stab wounds, those were normal in this line of work. But the man couldn’t help but worry about their youngest associate. Angelino was in pain. He didn’t get shot or stabbed but he had been in pain ever since they went into hiding. The kid had claimed it was just a migraine but the mob doctor had his suspicions. A migraine couldn’t really explain all of his weird symptoms.

Vincent gave the bedroom door another worried glance. The Don of their organization had been in Angelino’s room for a while now. Hopefully he’d be able to find out what was wrong with the kid. The old man had known Angelino since he was a toddler. Surely he’d know what was wrong with him.

Suddenly the door opened and the old man marched out of the room. He carefully closed the door behind him before turning to his underling. “Give him morphine,” the Don ordered.

Vincent was taken aback. “What? Why?”

“That’s not a migraine,” the Don said in a low voice, renouncing the excuse the kid had given them.

Vincent hesitated. “Shouldn’t I ask Angelino first?” 

“Do you ask permission from our customers before taking care of them?” the Don agitatedly demanded.

Vincent tried to argue back: “But sir if Angelino dies–”

“I don’t want you to kill him!” the Don interrupted him with a hiss. “Quite the opposite, I want him to not suffer.”

Vincent looked on as the old man walked up and down the hallway, muttering to himself:

“He’s too stubborn for his own good, I can’t believe how skittish Jack made him, and his father, he really screwed him over with this.”

Vincent took a calming breath before speaking up: “Right. How much morphine should I give him?”

“Enough to knock him out, to give him a proper break,” the Don replied in a low voice.

So he’d have to sedate Angelino. If that was the only way to ease the pain and maybe finally figure out what was wrong with him, so be it.

Vincent entered Angelino’s room. The kid was lying in his bed. His long dark hair was splayed on his pillow and he had an exhausted look on his sickly gray face. He was clearly still in agony. During the first day Vincent had hooked Angelino to an IV since the kid had refused to eat or drink anything. At least the cannula would make the job easier.

Angelino suspiciously peered at Vincent as he made his way to his bedside. “Didn’t you have a meeting to attend?” the young man asked in a strained voice.

“Yes, I’ll get to the meeting once I’m done with this,” Vincent replied. He rummaged through the supplies he had stored in the dresser drawer until he found what he was looking for.

Angelino kept warily looking as the mob doctor pulled out a syringe, connected it into the needleless access port, and began pushing the mystery liquid into his IV line. “What are you doing?”

“I’m just flushing the line,” Vincent lied to keep the kid calm.

“Why?”

“To move the fluid through,” the doctor replied as he carefully finished pushing the morphine into the tube and to the kid.

It didn’t take too long for the drug to take effect. “Vincent, the hell did you do to me?” Angelino demanded. His voice was weak but the panic still radiated through.

“It’s going to be fine Angelino, it’s to help you sleep and to ease the pain. Just relax and you’ll feel a lot better after this. Nothing bad will happen to you, I promise,” Vincent comforted him. He sat down on the bed to make sure the morphine would give out the desired result. He swallowed down the guilt he was feeling for breaking the kid’s trust.

Angelino tried to fight against the drug but it was a losing battle. A warm and fuzzy feeling was spreading from his core to all of his limbs. His head felt like it was floating, the pain disappearing further and further into the distance as a tidal wave of euphoria rushed over him. The room around him was turning into a soft blur and he felt exhausted. At the edges of his consciousness he heard Vincent softly talking to him. He couldn’t make any sense of it. 

Angelino tried his best to force himself to stay awake but it was no use. He had barely slept while being here and the part of him which ignored danger was begging him to just let everything go. It didn’t take long before Angelino’s eyelids fluttered and he became blissfully aware of nothing more.

Vincent watched as Angelino’s head lolled to the side as the morphine rendered the kid seemingly unconscious. He looked at his now half lidded glassy eyes. At least there weren't any thoughts or suffering behind them anymore.

After waiting for a few more cautionary seconds, the mob doctor stood up and made his way to the door. The Don was waiting for him, just outside the room.

“It’s done, he’s out,” Vincent simply announced.

[acecase0]

No cuz do you ever just realize how powerful lucy is?

She was able to conjure ALL of her celestial spirits, 3 or 4 of them being fricking ZODIACS, all at once and being powerful enough to be recognized by the celestial spirit king? And all in the first season? Where she hasn’t even had her star dresses and other abilities she has learned?

Not to mention this theory about her being a descendent of the goddess Anna, the best Celestial Spirit user.

And im rewatching it rn, and ive already encountered a moment where if she didnt interfere, natsu would have died. The arc with phantom lord where natsu is battling gajeel? Gajeel had eaten iron but there was no fire for natsu to eat, and so Lucy gave him that fire by using Sagittarius. Without that fire, natsu definitely wouldnt have finished that fight.

People are always saying ‘oh well that may be so, but if she hadn’t joined the guild-‘ Phantom lord would have most definitely attacked them for another reason. They wanted to remain the best guild in Fiore. Fairytail challenged that, so it was just a matter of time before they fought.

“Well, she always gets in their way-“ Yeah, considering the fact that she grew up in a household where her fathers only concern was the family line, she wouldn’t exactly have time to practice her magic. The only spirit she really had was Aquarius, and we can infer that she only brought her out on very few occasions. And she also wouldn’t have been able to build up any target practice or any muscle building, since Jude would say, in the stupid old fashioned way, ‘women don’t need muscles. All you need to do is make yourself look presentable to find a husband.’ He definitely wouldn’t have wanted her practicing her magic.

Meanwhile, all the others grew up in an environment where they could practice their magic freely with other wizards. They had teachers and activities that enhanced their magic and physical builds, she didn’t. So of course she wouldn’t be able to be on their level so soon.

Also, the amount of magic it takes to summon a silver spirit is a lot, but even MORE so for a Zodiac. Mashima explained that it pretty much is on a scale from 1-100. Plu being the easiest to summon at one, and her highest silver key being Lyra at 18. Her golden keys on the other hand, has Aquarius at 100 and the lowest being Cancer at 52. Others talk about the spirits only being able to use as much magical power as Lucy uses to summon them, but i doubt that theory/statement.

And its also amazing even then because she can keep those gates open for a tremendous amount of time, and multiple on some occasions. I don’t know if this part is true, but i believe that the mage has to have at-least some level of concentration on the gate for it to keep open, so if that’s correct, then it makes it even more astounding that she is able to focus on the bond at all times while fighting. And i only say this because her spirits go back to the spirit realm when she is knocked out.

Also during the E.N.D arc, (haven’t gotten there yet, seen bits and pieces) she literally REWRITES the E.N.D book that Zeref HIMSELF wrote. She literally rewrote his fate. And yes, i know that Gray was there to help her out, but at the same time, most people would have still not have been able to handle the mental and physical strain that causes.

And im just guessing on this part, but didnt she learn an entirely new part of her magic by someone in blue pegasus and learned how to preform the spell in like a week? Month? Some other very short time span?

Anyways i just love lucy and i would litterally rather show everyone my ao3 library before letting her get hurt/bashed. Lmao