#i know iv been on my hyperfixation I DID NOT FORGET

[clockworkreapers]

Hey Hey Hey- I can show my contribution to the 2025 HS fan calendar! I did the art for February and got to work on it with a ton of really amazing artists- if you'd like to see everyone's work and keep this going be sure to get yours here! https://hsfancalendar.carrd.co/

[hinamie]

How the fuck do you draw so fast?? From chapter that dropped today?? And Yuuji is like. The final boss of characters to draw omg (I love it, I love your style so much ughhhhh)

cries ghjgj thank u :'>> ive gotten this question quite a bit lately so let me clear some things up as 2 how i am become speed pls do not attempt at home:

probably the overarching reason, i am currently between jobs so i have a lot of time on my hands

itafushi hyperfixation has taken over my entire brain it feels like i will rot if i don't draw them every waking hour. with where the manga/canon is ive been So motivated and inspired i that i genuinely dont know what to do with myself and all i can do to combat it is draw More. i wish i was exaggerating when i say it feels like a physical need it is a compulsion it is an incessant ITCH. i cannot stress enough the Need i feel to draw fr this series

also bc of where the manga is i feel like the fandom is very active so all the engagement puts coins into the content machine that is me n fans the flames bc i want to Participate i want to Share!!!!! maybe its a fomo thing maybe im a slave to the numbers probably both 2 a degree but above all im having fun sharing what i make with a community who likes the same thing i do <3

when im in the zone with a piece and hatsune miku is serenading me sweet computer sounds and everything is going Right i forget to take breaks eat stand up etc so i end up starting and finishing a draws in a single 6 hour session before remembering i have a body

sleep schedule is FUCKED fr when leaks dropped last night (around 7:30pm fr me) i saw The Yuuji Panel of all time and started the morning glory piece then and there; took no breaks and did not finish until after midnight. then i still had more in me and wanted a head start on baby yuuji panel redraws so i did sketches/lines/flats real quick and went to bed at 4am slept fr 4 hours woke up ate n back to work DO NOT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also since april i've been on a creative high that's only seemed to go up which is unprecedented but i Have been drawing nearly every day because of it so whatever the opposite of rusty is I'm that. ive had so much daily practice tht the speed came as a side effect fshjgf

[everythingwasnormalhere]

hi

may I perhaps request,, more of thy starlight chronicles Kenny headcanons

IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT MY WHOLE LIFE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!!

first death was getting hit by a car while playing with Kevin as a little kid

favorite animals are those lantern fishes with big ass teeth. then all creatures that are floof :3

has had a colony of rats living in his room at two different points in time. he fed them and kept them clean and everything, those little shits were living their best life. twice the colony was annihilated by stray cats karen took into their house (she does that often)

dated kelly long-distance for a few months (her parents were loaded, they'd pay him trips to their hometown every weekend)

he typically hates tailor swift but "you're on your own kid" has become one of his comfort songs

another of his comfort songs is definitely "tiburones en el bosque" by cdn

and "ya te vas a mejorar" is totally his national anthem (also cdn)

kept going out as mysterion up until butters began staying at his

will fixate on every immortal character, mainly if they, like him, are the very mortal type

learnt how to sew when he moved out for college (Kevin would sew his and Karen's clothes before that)

had a petty phase as a preteen in which he'd kill himself in front of people he was mad at. he was kinda a dick, he just wanted to hurt them with no consequences - they'd forget the next day, and they never knew what he did (he felt like shit after tho)

cartman knows hes immortal lol

so does timmy, but it took him a while to mention it

(cartman straight up never did)

someone's drunk near him? he's panicking inside, maybe outside too

c-ptsd ahh mf

he's smarter than he's given credit for

he barely passed everything at school only to become an A student during his senior year and college, he didn't care enough to make an effort till then lol

hates cold so much

satan was more a father to him than his actual father lol

he and henrietta are great friends :3

platonic! crenny!

during college he's in an almost permanent flare up because he cannot take care of himself cuz he's a piece of shit

broke up with tammy after the bj incident, she left the town soon after (nothing to do with him), and they met again when he moved for college :3

she became a waitress at the boys' favorite cafe, she and kenny are awesome friends now :3

hyperfixates on sciency stuff So Hard bro

he'll infodump about it to butters Very Often. butters doesn't understand shit but likes listening to him talk so it works lol

very poor to Very Rich pipeline

widely considered the only rich person that doesn't suck

put spikes on his wheelchair handles and the crowd went wild

looks like a very gay weird uncle

yes he and butters get married

yes butters does fund his career with maybe not too legal money

(no butters doesn't go to jail nor to a mental asylum nor on a killing spree)

managed to lessen his deaths until they were around once every couple months WOOHOO!!!

...not counting the many times he dies in lab. thats a given.

glitter on his beard 24/7

actually permadies. before butters.

[nephriteknight]

forget spotify wrapped i want to know what percentage of my year was occupied by media jonathan sims worked on. three of my biggest hyperfixations this year were the magnus archives, the mechanisms, and slay the princess. and like not only did i listen to all of tma (and relisten to a lot of it) but ive spent SO much time reading transcripts, taking notes and making theories, and writing and reading fan theories, fiction, and other content. i've been unwell

it's not even like i'm obsessed with him or anything. he's pretty cool yeah but i'm not like. losing my mind over him the way ive done with other creators in the past. i just like a lot of the stuff he's worked on. akdlsjhsdfdjsfh

[beclight]

so uh.

i saw the news this morning and sparklecare is going 18+ and. to say im shattered would be an heavy understatement.

dont get me wrong, i understand why kneeby took this decision. but come on, i feel like it shouldve been 18+ from the beggining, not a third into the comic's public release. after many now "underage" people got foxated on it and have had 6yrs (reboot) to start reading it, and especially not after building a community, a fandom, that is mostly composed of autistic people that lowkey rely on it in their everyday life;;;;;

sparklecare was everything to me. everything.

(more personnal stuff and opinions under cut, i just needed to vent and let go. read tldr at bottom if lazy.)

it has been my main hyperfixation for more than a year and a half now. literally all i think about, all day. my only consistent fixation and the first one that lasted as long as it did since years, and was so prominent in my life. genuinely my only constant source of happiness that would help me through the hardest moments of the past nearly two years, and now its.. out of reach, gone, until i turn 18 in two years.

i hate to say this. i hate it so much, but its so, so disappointing. why was this comic, which is mostly aimed at mentally ill people lets not lie to ourselves (literally every single person i met within the community was autistic/nm and taken aback in the best way possible by the amout of mental health awareness and representation in the comic and it's AUs), taken back halfway through, after it has now become thousands of people's hyperfixation, and for the most, a life altering one..? its. so sad. ive been shaking all day i dont want it taken away from me, not now. not so soon.

as i said previously i understand kittycorn's decision n everything but considering the ENORMOUS amount of trigger warnings for literally evrrything on the site (which im not complaining about dgmw!!! i think its great to have sm and for everyone's triggers :] but you cant deny that not every warning is necessarily triggering to the biggest amout of peole reading it), -

- ,it feels like making the comic, the AUs, the fandom, LIKING the characters, and engaging in the community ALL 18+ ALL OF A SUDDEN in the middle of it is... too much?;

it may just be my opinion but considering how heavily everything is triggered, and how every slightly bloody/nsfw joke scene has a clean transcript avaible to replace it, it's kinda silly to me that everything has to be 18+ now.... kit's blogs i can understand, shes an adult and may not feel comfortable with engaging with minors anymore and that i understand and respect 100%!. but making all her previous current and future content and ocs un-likable by minors, even stuff that was released before TheGreatMinorBan™, considering how many people kin characters from sch, have it as their main hyperfixation and escape from the outside world, is way too much in my opinion, or the decision shouldve been announced and only enforced when a really triggering volume was about to get released(since now nobody can go back to make it 18+ from the start..). you can ask people to stop interacting personally with you or engage with your online profiles but taking away their hyperfixation for content that has been released for years without any real limit out of seemingly nowhere, after spending months teasing the future of your work.. is really disappointing. :/

i legit dont know what ill become for the next two years without sparklecare. i wouldve genuinely "unlucky-friend-of-hemera-that-has-their-limbs-attached-to-her" 'd myself if i hadnt stumbled accross it and idk how im expected to just? forget about it? for years untill i become 'of age' again to read.

i know lurking from alts is a thing but thats dogshit to me. i wanna interact with and be a part of the community, which is such an amazing one. i had sm art i wanted to make and share with the world. i dont want to not talk to anyone or pretend to be a person that i'm not to stay up to date with my favorite author's work and other bloggers' fanart surrounding it. feels scummy and would prolly hurt me more anyways.

tldr;

sch shouldve either been 18+ from the start - annoucned that itd become 18+ but kept at 15/16+ until the announcement of a RLLY triggering volume - or just kept at 16+ all along considering literally everything has trigger warnings anyways. idk it feels sooo shitty to develop an enourmous fixation on smth for years just for it to one day out of nowhere have it taken away from you in the middle of it's release because a character will verbally mentions j3rking 0ff in a volume released in 5yrs, and be expected to JUST FORGET IT EXISTS..

no hate for kc's decision, i understand and respect it, but it hurts like a bitch to have your fixation taken away from you, and in the middle of it too. ..

[ofmdee]

foof. typing this out on tumblr because it feels easier to collect my thoughts here rather than twitter, lmfao, but MAN my creative well is bone dry rn, i feel like i have zero energy and motivation to work on projects and i just. it's driving me crazy lmfao, and in the back of my mind i know i'm burnt out and need a break, but it's so hard to take a break, because like, i don't have much else going on in my life rn, or ever, like fandom has always been a huge, important part of my life and i don't rly know what to do or who i am if im not obsessed over SOMETHING lmfao. my gf said last night something like, i guess it's hard to take a break when it's related to a hyperfixation/special interest and like!! yeah!! it's rly hard to untangle all of that!

but. idk. i don't feel happy rn with a lot of things irl and online, and i know i need to rest and do nothing and let the well fill up again but that also scares me? so i am just going to try to ease up on myself a little bit, try to go more than a day without feeling compelled to post something new just because i'm afraid ppl will leave or forget me or something if i don't constantly pump out Content. and i know i did this to myself, lmfao, i rly don't know how to do things in moderation and this is a constant cycle of going too hard and then abruptly losing all interest

my gf sent me this last night and even the first paragraph got me!!! like, that's ME!!!

i am in the reluctant admission stage rn lmfao.

i am not going to say i am completely going to stop creating during this time, because that would be a lie, but i am rly going to try and chill tf out, stop worrying about getting fics done in time for mermay, and just kinda try to recharge. and i don't wanna say this is a firm break or whatever because when i inevitably fail at taking a break, i will end up beating up on myself, so im just gonna say i am gonna try to be like...... idk, creative Lite or something for a little bit.

im still gonna be around every day lmfao, but probably for less time than usual. i'm still gonna reblog/retweet things, and i'll probably have some original stuff as well, but i am not gonna keep holding myself to the impossible standard of having something new every day. and i know no one else expects that of me!!! but i have somehow put that expectation on myself. i can use this time to share some old favorites again instead!!

i just started a new game+ in coral island, so ive got that going for me, lmfao, and it's getting nicer outside finally and i rly truly need to touch grass more often!! idk why i always feel like i need a huge explanation for what i do, and it probably wont even be super noticeable to most ppl lol, but!! idk. sometimes i just need to work things out this way.

so, i am releasing myself of the burden of having some fics done for mermay, and posting daily, and feeling like i have to make tangible progress on creative projects on the regular. or, that is my goal, at any rate. i think i'll just focus on gifs/still shots for mermay, my fics will be ready when they are ready 😤 but even if i don't do that much, it's okay!!! mermaids are good any time of the year imho.

i just need to get to a point where i actually Enjoy the process of creating again, because it feels like a chore rn and i hate that :((((

idk, anyway if u read all this thank u, thank u for following me and liking what i do, here is an old gif for ur troubles

[burritowitch]

okay so ive just been in the mood to talk about comic book stores lately so im going to talk about them.

buying physical comics and figures and stuff from comic book stores may not seem like supporting small businesses, since all of the stuff is merchandise from large scale corporations, but it actually is! most comic stores are independently owned and run by individuals. i dont think ive ever heard of or seen a chain comic shop. and this usually means that you can get to know your local comic owner and have conversations with someone who wants to be there and doesn't have to be there. its also just really nice to be able to spend time looking through the new releases for the newest updates and looking through the back issues in the boxes. its just really fun.

the first time i went to a comic shop was when i was six. it was a small local shop run by this guy named ralph that my aunt had found a few years before this while in town. my aunt was in town and it just happened to be free comic book day, so we went to go pop in for some free comics. we continued to go to this store, that i will from this point on refer to as 'ralphs'. then, when i was twelve, i gained a sudden interest in comics that soon devolved into a hyperfixation. so i looked up a list of books and dragged my mom to three different libraries, none of which had comics. so i dragged my mom to the nearest comic book store. it also just happened to be free comic day, that was not intentional it just was how it was. so i picked up free comic day comics and my first ever full price comic: batman: beyond the white knight #1. i had no clue what was happening, the existence of terry mcginnis confused me, and i was really really confused. but i loved it so much. so the next week i went back and got batgirls 4, 5, and 6. by this point i had slightly more comic book knowledge and had peeked at comic tumblr. but i did it. the next month my aunt was back in town for a week so my mom had the good idea of going to the comic book store so that my aunt could properly show me the ropes or something, and we went to ralphs. you should have seen me i was a kid at a candy store i was having such a good time. i forget exactly what i got but i do remember i got aquamen #2 and wondergirl #1 and some other stuff. from there, i just kept going to ralphs every month. i still do, at the end of every month.

and man, i love that store. the vibes are great, and as a woman in a male dominated hobby, thats really important. i have never once felt like i didnt belong in the store, and i can always have a conversation with ralph without it feeling weird. and we always do, he'll talk to me and my mom about different comic media coming out like movies and shows, he'll ask me how i liked the books i got last month, he's always been really helpful. store always has what im looking for, its really well stocked and has marvel, dc, manga, and a lot of indie books.

i really wish i could say what the store is, but that would disclose the area i live in and i dont want to do that, so yeah. but to all comic fans, go check out your local comic stores and see whats up, buy a book or too and support small businesses, you might be able to have a nice conversation and a meaningful experience embracing your love of comics.

tldr; check out your local comic book store, it'll be worth it.

[thetenamongstthesethrees]

TW: REFERENCE TO SH AND RELAPSE OF SH AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT

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Ok so ik ive been inactive for a *WHILE* and im srry for that but like i have a buncha things that happened these past 3 months that I NEED To share SOOOO....

First things first, the one im most excited abt: I DID MY FIRST PERFORMANCE!!! My school was doing little mermaid jr and I got Scuttle! I was really happy to get my first role and getting at least one solo, and Im just happy overall on how it went! I think I did really good on my first try! Only bad thing was that now im kinda going through my lil mermaid hyperfixation and have been looking up fics where Sebastian and Ariel kinda have a Father/Parental Figure-Daughter or Older Brother-Younger (stupid but ultimately well meaning) Sister dynamic and have started to write a fic on that bc no ones done it before apparently😒(im going cray cray, bonkers mayhaps)

Might've gotten my eye infected(I live in the east of the us, new york to be more specific and woke up the day after the "live vintage (BLAME CANADA/j) filter" with my right eyes nerves slightly more irritated and haven't gotten that checked out so thats fun)

FINALLY finished that one drawing ive been making for 3 MONTHS.(well, technically....)

Almost done writing my passion project, AKA the one I originally wanted to make into an animated series but have settled for a book just in case that can't happen! I still need to work out some kinks, design more outfits, get all their personalities in check, make sure the world and magic is fully fleshed out, ect.

I also do band, and while I originally thought that I would have a problem bc of both band and theatres close scheduling(i originally had dress rehearsal on june 2nd, AND my band concert on June 2nd) but it all worked out in the end! My band concert went great, and while the dress rehearsal was a mess, we at least got through it! :)

Unintentionally quit SH! I was originally only meant to stop until AFTER performances, but ive been bettering myself and learned that if I ever want to forgive myself or at least move on I gotta stop feeling sorry for myself and not forget nor forgive, but remember, i just can't let it haunt me. I know I'll relapse, I always do eventually, but I want to enjoy these few moments of mental "clarity" while I can. I've also learned that for some reason i tend to become a more terrible person and despicable person the more time I spend at home with my mother, so that's fun. God, I hate America's education system, its messed me up BAD. AND the foster care system. I just tried to kms 2 times today, and she didn't even notice, or care. How sad is that?

On a lighter note, yes, as the rest of yt and TikTok, I got a minor lil hyperfixation on the Lorax and really think ppl should make more [PLATONIC] Lorax and Onceler dynamics, mainly the type where they're like some really annoying pair of bickering siblings or a father whos sick of his adopted child's shit, like there is so much on the table for platonic fluff and angst and most of what I've seen is romantic smut and fluff like CHANGE IT UP A LIL

Also, Ive been going to karaoke centers on Tuesdays and have become a lot more confident to performing in front of ppl! So far, I've performed "All You Wanna Do", "The Ballad of Jane Doe", "Heart of Stone", and am gonna do "What the World Needs" the next upcoming Tuesday, where I'm gonna try interacting with the audience while singing!!

(Also, before I end this....I may have ADHD??? my teacher who has ADHD says some of my behavior is "similar to hers"(i feel like thats just her way of saying i reek of neurodivergency) and I also did some research and I display similar/exact behaviors listed, have taken online tests from doctorate confirmed sites and basically all of them said to go get a diagnosis. I also found I do a few behaviors similar to stimming! Also also, I kinda suspect a lil more bc my mom has Autism and apparently sometimes neurodivergency is biological (i forgor the word) but my mom is kinda in denial abt my Depression diagnosis and thinks I got anxiety "biologically", so if I tell her I wanna get tested for ADHD shes just kinda gonna gaslight me into not believing that and i already told the school therapist and basically she just told me that I'm probably just imagining things or copying behaviors from my mother and that "kids like to give themselves all these titles nowadays" so I just did what I always do which is to keep it shut and act until they think you fell in line)

So yeah, thats all! Thanks for reading, now that my schedule is clear again ima start posting more frequently again, so be aware :) <3333

[faunsoda]

sbi ib au w wilbur as mary is a concept i cannot stop thinking abt, like i haven’t touched ib in years and i was more into smaller dynamics in sbi than sbi as a whole, but it makes me so insane. you’re a genius and i adore that au concept. techno as gary is also so much fun, i rlly liked the whole thing. also the art was SO nice, your style is very neat. if you have any more thoughts abt the au as a whole i’d love to hear them, but if not, just know i love the concept so much

WOOO i hear u, my favorite dynamics within sbi are crimeboys and bedrock bros (it really shows in this au) because i am a huge sucker for sibling dynamics. the remake for ib came out for switch recently so the childhood hyperfixation reawakened like a beast

i have so many thoughts in my brain let me drop these bad boys. infodump time.

my idea of a first meeting between techno and tommy! rather than having his rose stolen like garrys, its tommy stumbling in on techno getting cornered by one of the lady paintings. techno probably wouldve gotten out just fine eventually, maybe lost a few petals but tommy distracts the painting so he can escape unharmed! then theyre like 🤝 team up time

please ignore the shitty ooc dialogue everywhere ive just been getting ideas jotted down in my free time hehe. i imagine the dynamic between techno and wilbur in this au being pretty tense! techno is IMMEDIATELY suspicious/wary of wilbur & wilbur wants to leave with tommy, taking technos place. techno doesnt wanna be too protective of tommy because a) this is some kid he just met what does he care b) he doesnt really have any reason to be suspicious about wilbur because hes done literally nothing wrong so far hes just off so techno doesnt trust him

also philza as guertena means he doesnt show up like at all BUT i really liked the theory from a few years ago that part of marys dislike for garry stemmed from garry resembling guertena and her feeling like she’d been abandoned since i cant really imagine she can grasp the complete concept and weight of death. so i did have techno resemble philza a bit here (eg. emerald and stubble that i keep forgetting to draw-) which will probably be unmentioned in stuff i draw for this au because again philza wont show up much. so yeah ooh possible idea that wilbur might resent techno for that a little bit or just be like kind of annoyed by it. idk man im just sitting here.

i also did the three main endings! promise of reunion and together forever were kinda quick because i did not have time to properly draw and color them :,] but i found a neat brush and wanted to draw the forgotten portrait painting because ow. in my original drawings of this au tommy didnt have a green bandana but i decided to give him one as a stand in for the hankerchief ib carries! after all this ill probably do some redraws of moments from the game or try to reimagine the toy box since wilbur is notably not a child like mary is!

yeah hey that was probably like way more information about this au than anyone couldve wanted but B] if you have any thoughts about this au that differ from mine or if you just have thoughts in general id love to hear em! my brain is rotting. thanks for coming to my ted talk (and thank you for the ask, i am new to tumblr so this is my first ask yippee!!)

[nerves-nebula]

Wow yeah you sound autistic to me. Like, all that missing there is ✨the hell that is sensory issues ✨ (but I think u mentioned that PRIOR?)

,,,, on that topic I'm truama dumping in ur inbox again cuz it's cathartic.

I will never forget when my mom started trying to get me diagnosed and I had to hear my dad yell and scream and throw tantrums like a literal toddler that "MY KID IS NOT A FUCKING RETARD!!!" Definitely did great things for my selfesteem/sarcastic <currently diagnosed autistic and ADHD and rumoured bpd based off medication interactions. And maybe DID but I'm ignoring this bitchs in my head <3

I DO HAVE A LOTTA SENSORY ISSUES HAHA. and emotional shutdowns! its always hard to tell which is a PTSD thing and which is a neurodivergence thing as far as me being jumpy/twitchy around loud noises goes, but i don't think PTSD makes the sound of brooms sweeping concrete make me wanna collapse into a ball.

if I leave my house without earbuds I'll fucking explode and die. the sounds there are BAD and I'll get BORED and antsy and twitchy without my own controlled noises.

I know i have hyperfixations cause I've had a few really BAD ones that ended up hurting me. Like, senior year of high school I was so obsessed with the joker and batman that I hurt my hands scrolling comics/tumblr for art about them for HOURS. and i could NOT STOP. and i was supposed to be making PAINTINGS for COLLEGE APPLICATIONS so my hands really shouldn't have been getting FUCKEd at that time.

im not sure if im in a hyperfixation about the turtles rn or like, a healthy interest. I think it's petered out to a healthy interest but i am almost constantly thinking about them hah. maybe ive just gotten better at controlling myself so i dont hurt myself while fixating tho.

AS for your trauma: THAT sUCKS ASS. me and my siblings have ruminated and joked about being autistic for years, but our parents would NEVER get us tested. My mom basically said my grades were too good so why would i need to get tested for adhd/autism. and my dad is Nigerian so good luck trying to talk to him about mental health stuff !!

i tried to bring up my obvious sensory and emotional issues to my mom and she was like "you're not autistic you're just sensitive" and left me standing there like "but.. being sensitive the ways i am are literally perfectly in line with autism.."

sidenote: i'm so much happier now that I let myself stim whenever i feel like it. i stim sooo much these days and it's FANTASTIC, I never knew how much I was hurting myself by not letting myself do it.

tell the bitches in ur head that ur ignoring i said hi :D !

[arsen1cs4ng0]

ughhhhhhhhhh a lot has been on my mind recently, im sorry im bringing up chip stuff that people just wanna forget, but. idk. i just need to talk. i really doubt anyone will actually see this but hey, its my blog, i'll ramble on about what i want lol

tw for suicidal thoughts in the "keep reading" bit below

back in february i made a post "calling out" gremlin + her friends as well as a little goodbye note to the fandom. recently ive been thinking about stuff more, wondering if maybe i should make a return and try to get my love for vosim back, but remembered just how much damage the fandom (more specifically, gremlin + her friends) did to me, my friends, yknow. everytime i thought about returning i'd remind myself i'd never go back. you gotta think: for months and months i was out there spending most of my time and energy defending my friends, trying to show people just how bad those people were, and after realising that nobody would ever believe me, i gave up. all of the chip shit i was dealing with really didnt help the fact i was battling depression + suicidal thoughts alongside all of that.

but, i dont know. recently ive just been craving the good times back despite it all, i want to relive the times where i'd stim seeing my friends' posts (especially the vosim art...,,,) and songs (one of the songs that made me stim like mad literally got me into sodikken months later lmao my hyperfixes are weird like that), i want to relive seeing the chip accounts interacting with eachother, in fact i was here wishing i joined the fandom properly a lot earlier because i really didnt want the good times to end.....

the fandom was my safespace for me. as much as certain people think im some "popular highschool bully who never grew up" (yes gremlin, i saw what you said about us, im not fucking dumb), i was being bullied really badly in secondary school, i was dealing with a really nasty breakup, my mental health was spiralling downwards really fast, i was dealing with people who i thought were my friends... you get the picture. with the fandom i was able to escape from all of that. and i'd escape by drawing vosim, usually creepy, pissed off or numb. it was stress relieving, it brought me so much happiness doing that!! then june 2022 came and it all went to shit since then. ha.

it hurts a lot. it really does. ive just been really empty since everything. i really don't know what to do or how i can move on from this once and for all. this was shit i was meant to move on from months ago, but it seems i cant even do that.

to my chip friends whove been here since the start: ive said this a thousand times + i will say it again: thank you. thank you so much for sticking around despite me struggling and moaning about all of this shit for months on end. in fact thank you for everything. words cant describe how grateful i am to have met y'all and i genuinely dont know where i'd be without y'all ;___;

ramble over i think.

[goremet-chef]

behold!! a long ass ramble about sotf and the forest cuz im super hyperfixated and love both with all my heart

my bestie had a super old computer and she wasnt able to run the forest anymore so we couldnt play it for like a year or 2 😭😭 but she bought a laptop and we finally played again after all that time and it was so fun and we met a worm (by we met a worm, i mean SHE met the worm, it was right behind me and i had no idea except for when i jumped down the cliff to get into our house cuz i kept forgetting we had a zipline, i saw 3 little worm bits fall down to my right after me and then i left the game as fast as i could cuz im not about that!! (no fr it was fucking horrible i was so scared my hands were shaking for like 5 minutes 💀 its fun i love it))

and then we beat it and ugh man i wanna play it again like. DONT GET ME WRONG i love sotf so much and i was literally stimming so hard when i heard it was coming out so soon like i was so fucking hype, but the newer creepies arent as scary to me i think? EXCEPT THE CATERPILLAR fuck that noise but otherwise like i think the main this is cuz right listen here is my tale okay

so it was our first playthru of the forest, we saw markiplier and his friends play it (their newer one) and so we were like wow this looks great guys lets get this game so we got it and listen man i just thought it was CANNIBALS thats all i had no fucking idea there were mutants, sooo

i was logging with them above our house area (we built it the same spot as mark shush) and i hear a deer running right and im like okay whatever it was so unimportant i hardly remember that detail, and then i am got!! i am gotten something has got me and i turn and its a fucking armsy and i dont remember since it was a while ago but i know i freaked the fuck out and i was like GUYS theres a fucking. a thing theres a THING come down from the cliff we gotta go and mannn

let me tell you that FEAR has never left me, armsy is the mutant im most afraid of just cuz of that first initial encounter. like the way it TOWERED OVER ME BRO and i didnnt know what i was looking at, shit man. AWFUL, i love it. the newer creepy mutants are just smaller i think, but i still think theyre very cool

i will say tho no shade (full shade) but my friends arent like. they arent GOOD at listening or looking out for danger, so i am our eyes and ears most of the time

i am SO OVERLY PARANOID IN THE FOREST its like actual hell i can feel the stress taking over my body (believe it or not, i do enjoy playing this game) its crazy and theres been so many times ive saved our asses cuz i can hear an armsy coming from a mile away 💀 its fun tho we have fun here

yeah idk i miss it i might ask if we can play more cuz i kinda want megan to spawn around our base (also speaking of megan i kicked her ASS MAN all the fear ive ever felt and the nerves i had before the fight were completely turned to dust because fighting something that size activated my monster hunter instincts and i wasnt scared anymore i kept staggering her with my fire club and i did the finishing blow it was epic. my friend died like 4 times somehow but its okay we did it)

[lostacelonnie]

Every day i am some level closer to just. Burning capitalism down. Yeah! If mihoyo aint gonna look after em than i will. Cant wait for noelle hangout pt 3 where she & lumine just. Go on more dates. Every day the one ending of them under the windrise tree, noelle holding a rose lives rent free in my head. Same with the one where noelle studies & lumine gives her such a soft look. Sadly i think faruzan gets the next hangout though. So who knows when the rest will get more. Never heard that song but those are wise words indeed. Ive been a supporter of problematic women since i was a homestuck fan & that will never change. Hu tao is like. A cat with zoomies is the best way i can describe her style. She's fun in teams with yelan. Entirely fair i usually do when the whim strikes me but most of the time im busy or going on hiking trails. Ooooh please do i would love to see some pictures from norway. Honkai has hot women thats how it got me. But friends getting you into media is so powerful a force. At this point i go for useable stuff & go i aint got time for grinding there's world to explore. It may be a bit because im in the middle of 3 games rn because hyperfixation. But i will get to it soon hopefully. Need more time in the day

yeah same!!!!! tho i got kinda sick so i didnt have to go to school this week 𝓁𝓂𝒶𝑜. ABSOLUTELY theyre like little cousins to me. and literally like??? ur right the rose one went OFF with the home of sexuality but the story of both hangouts is literally just. them on a date. but also kinda on topic but sometimes i forget some ppl dont get the gayness bc i forget ppl play traveler aether. i believe in abyss princess lumine supremacy but at the same time get jumpscared whenever i see clips with aether. i dont rlly know much ab faruzan lore bc honestly i never bothered to check but im a bit curious now??? but yeah one char i rlly want a hangout for is fischl. and good for you, i never got into homestuck bc Its So Fuckign Long but maybe some day. im already being problematic on main by being a danganronpa fan so whos gonna stop me. and ooh thats cool!!! also speaking of yelan, my bestie just got her so the two of us are probably gonna go on a nahida-yelan power duo boss-murder spree. not very excited to fight the ruin serpent over and over but avery did help me with the cryo hypostasis [my beloathed] so its the least i can do. i dont rlly have a way to travel without my mom yet and shes Always busy plus were both autistic and have a habit of planning everything way ahead so i cant go whenever i want. oh well. ill keep u updated then!!! and yeahhhh hot women definitely were definitely one of the biggest things that got me in as well. i remember av showing me the fallen rosemary trailer and thats what the breaking point was i think. good for you honestly, i was a very casual player in both honkai and genshin a long time ago but then i heard that palatinus equinox is gonna release and grinded for her and it just. stuck. then transferred into other games. and fair. also feel like that sometimes even tho im staying at home rn.

[x1e3ju]

another rant: not persona related for the first time i think lol

ok so im back to rant on here as per usual, this time on my sister's computer which is where i do most if not all my websiting and not on my phone which is when you know it is very serious!

ok so as the title suggests, this rant ISNT! about persona 5 as ive been playing kingdom hearts and its been on my list for many, many years but my other sister finally got us a ps4 in nov of 2022 after so very long of us wanting one with her fafsa money and i managed to finish final mix.. now! very productive and not adhd-pilled of me whatsoever (i say incredibly sarcastically) but anywho, i finally finished final mix, as i've stated before and am now playing re:chain and i absolutely hate kingdom hearts' combat because it is so god damn unnecessary and pointless and horrible! but the long time hyperfixation and yaoi grind is so serious which i did not know soriku was so heavy in the game lmfao, my poor girl kairi she deserves so much better omg ToT but that's a whole different, much bigger conversation rant for another day..

but enough with long ass stupid intros, as a long time riku fan seeing his character and just how the overall story has played out so far aside from the ridiculous ass writinggg, i've been really impressed ngl! it has a lot of potential that it actually reaches, again, aside from the horriddd writing, the plot and ending in particular was very similar to revolutionary girl utena which is like. absolute peak everything for me lmfao honestly i wouldn't be shocked if it was inspired by it cuz they are soo many similarities, i kept even pointing it out to my sis (who HASN'T watched it yet very unfortunately!) cuz im such a nerd lmao. and especially with riku, im very happy he's even IN the game first of all cuz compared to most of my other sillies... like rip to my girl akechi you deserved so much better.. but anywho anywho, i really love riku's character and everything his character represents ESP from what i've seen in the com gba ver which i don't know if that passes to re:com, which is the ver im playing but i really hope so cuz i've seen some clips and he is, ugh such an amazing character so yes. im going to deep dive here with revolutionary girl utena, specifically anthy and akio as my basis for most of this lmaosdbhh (rgu spoilers and kh too of course)

i know im very crazy with how i jump to conclusions and try to "analyze" characters and all that, even from as young as i can remember myself i've always thought like. wayy too much its honestly very embarrassing but there's personally a lot of similarities between akio and anthy's whole dynamic that reminds me of riku and diz and ansem, whatever that whole mess is. i know diz isn't essentially a villain from what i've heard and seen and searching more about it now to double check what i'd be saying on here isn't complete nonsense, i forget kingdom hearts is legit nonsense and i clearly do not know much to anything at all about diz and ansem and whatever tf is happening there omglj ToT but but i will try my very best and to differentiate, ill be calling the actual ansem diz and the ansem in final mix just ansem so its easier for everyone involved lol and again ill mostly be focusing on parallels of rgu to final mix but overall, talking mostly about riku (my baby :3) yayy!

its so crazy how the final mix plot went to me, again im actually just very shocked with kingdom hearts' storylines and stuff in general. i imagine not much thought was put behind it as the writing. speaks for itself but it is actual very nuanced and again, has a lot of potential it actually reaches or could reach which is like. gold mine for me! we know that in rgu, akio is very blatantly harassing and abusing anthy in all forms, even the people around her, succumbing to the abuse he had endured throughout all his life really giving him no purpose or real reason as we see and are made to imply in episode 39 and the last scene with anthy as she leaves the school, he has nothing to really back up why anthy should stay, as of course they never will be any real reason to it aside from the abusive cycle that they're in specifically he is stuck in, having to make it everyone else's problem from lack of growth and realization (which still doesn't excuse any of his horrid actions, but was practically impossible for him to do but that is a pretty bigger conversation for what we have here to discuss today). it reminds me a lot of ansem and his connection with riku, how he used riku's body and how ansem's "motive" is never really mentioned in final mix, not that much can really be deciphered with all that darkness-hearts talk anyway but you know. and mind you, i know there's a lot more lore that goes into ansem and the reason for his existence, him being a heartless and all, same with diz and the actual ansem so again, i won't be really going into how ansem and akio are similar as individuals but just as their roles in the respective main storyline of final mix (ive stated that way too much times by now, curse you adhd) riku's body being used as just another vessel to ansem and the "darkness" that was inside of him was only really possible because riku was an easily susceptible child, as children are obviously going to be, and ansem used this position of innocence and hashtag childlike wonder lol to be able to use him and manipulate him to do his bidding, essentially. even after everything, when sora is inside that egg (for reasons i havent yet to know!) which can parallel what happens to utena at the end of rgu, riku/anthy are still in the shadows of their abusers to even save their loved one, as unfortunate as it is. it is just like the door scene with riku and sora which is extremely similar to the rgu door scene (which is when all these similarities really hit me lol), both riku and anthy are inside the door or coffin or whatever the case and they are the ones that have to be saved but it ends up being the other way around as again, the abusive cycle is continuous and unfortunately, ever affecting but it is a very big part to break free from this cycle that you try to grow, into a better person as riku and anthy did. again, they were still connected to their abusers, each to their respective cases but they were actively seeking freedom by putting love first and not just romantic love, but love at all, in all of its forms (such a nuanced thing, lol no pun intended but yes i do love that topic very much) which is something abusers do not have, as someone who is currently in a situation like this, a lot can be said from personal experience.

i think it's interesting to view how riku viewed the "ansem in his heart" as just an amalgamation of fear and abuse of all those unfortunate things. the ansem that he was scared of, not diz/the real deal, was a lot more of a disgusting type of person, someone who was "darker, more foul" as the ansem he knew was a literal heartless being, literally. and diz was able to use this fear to his advantage by being insanely creeping and threatening to him (which is where we can see abusers are still human at the end of the day) when riku could've "choose between darkness and light" or he could've realized his specialness, in a much nicer more peaceful way lol and i don't just say that cuz the combat is awful or as jokes, i genuinely mean it. and in all that, that is the literal definition of abuse! same as what akio did and even with akio's character as his prince self and his present self, we are made to believe they are two different ppl bc of how much he gave into that abuse and let it consume him, he became a monster, someone completely different in his entirety (which i fucking love that btw). and again, i know that is not the case with ansem and diz because they are literally two different people but you can't argue the general ideas are similar and the nuisances/themes are and could be there, i think it works really well for an abuse allegory. using sora, what he held very dear as anthy did utena or just the general idea of a genuine love and connection for them both which is obviously what the care and love stems from, to get riku to do his bidding, changing riku by almost entirely just to discard him later and only focus on what really threatened his power, or abusive cycle in reality (cuz ik the ansem drama goes a lot more serious and family oriented and all that lol), which was sora and in akio's case, utena (by keeping them in "eternal slumbers" in the places that they are situated in or around/familiar with). even to the way that riku treats sora in final mix, which i know isn't really him but his sort of detachment to him is very similar to anthy and how she would treat utena. which really isn't just comphet but it is something much, much bigger than that that doesn't really involve utena much when you really look at it. it is a very general sort of detachment and indifference that comes with abuse i really wished more people talked about because abuse is not just some funny little joke or something to be easily looked over! for the love of god, i am ating at so many things rn good lord. but his detachment towards sora was just his brain numbing to the abuse, losing that sense of love and almost sanity and even humanity to look at it that way, just as what happened to anthy and her barely-any-sense-of personality. like unfortunately it's still riku and it was still him, even if very little but he was still there and what we were seeing there was just the abuse and manipulation taking him over or the abuser and abusive cycle taking them over just as what akio became due to his abusers and cycle, once again as it is continuous, and what ansem's literal existence was and meant. they were or had just become amalgamations of the "darkness" in ones' hearts, the bad things and i think the game like com itself showing that you are a mix of them both and you have to balance them both is very beautiful because yes, unfortunately you can never be truly cured even more so when it has affected you even from childhood, you have to just live with it but you can grow and be a better person because you are human and you have broken free from this cycle and have control over your own life. hopefully this makes sense, i really don't wanna come off any sort of way. writing this all makes me realize it is a very messy and nuanced topic even to describe it which.. makes me love it even more lol.

ima attach some lines here i got from this website online of a let's play lmfao cuz im lowkey losing my train here ugh, fuck adhd omg. but update while writing. i am currently rereading after like an hour and it kinda came back to me. sorry if the next paragraph is kinda random and already has some topics i have already introduced previously I REALLY DO HATE ADHD but i wouldn't be here without it would i now....

seeing more of the lines now, the words and nuisances of the things he says are genuinely soo abusive oml. there's just a lot of potential like i've stated so many times at this point, within the game. as someone with a few personality disorders, black and white morality is such a big issue with me and i feel like the whole darkness and light thing especially with how they handle it with riku can fit really well into that too. i headcanon riku with ocpd, something i have because i was really shocked with how much i resonated with his character and how much i see him struggling with that. him not being able to understand how him and sora and kairi could've came to one (agreement terms i mean, lord) and taking such drastic measures with everything and being so avoidant with the things around him, even with how he had such a want for a bigger worldwide and viewed himself as if he had so much more hopes and dreams compared to kairi and sora due to the simplicity of his innate thinking and again, took such drastic measures to achieve that and even prove it, even if it was mostly unwillingly, he was able to be easily manipulated because aside from being a child, his "larger worldview" was easy to crumble because it is just built on excessive thinking and the constant need for answers (which very much reflects perfection and obsessiveness that is the biggest issues with ocpd) which is very unstable because life isn't really like that and when you can't snap yourself into this realization or have no one else to really do it for you, trust me if you don't suffer through ocd or similar things like that yourself, it is difficult asf lemme tell you that. obsession doesn't really get you anywhere and that even goes into abuse and abusers' obsessions with whatever their "motives" are. it's strange because it doesn't really make any sense as their "motives" are never really real motives and can never really be described but that is just its nature because it is nonsensical and is just a result of overdrive and it kills, as simple as that.

ok so i have a lot more kingdom hearts related-thoughts and analyses aside from all my various other cringe, nerdy thoughts (we don't discuss the intrusive or sexual ones my friends) but i think i've ranted enough for today, another mid-way update but lost my train again, but this is the longest i've ever ranted for, definitely had to get it off my chest that's for sure lol. but aside from the ranting, i hope to use tumblr more, just to be on my own but i hope to post more doodles and art related shit on here as i hopefully figure out how to work my tumblr around and all that so it's easier to post from my phone and stuff without getting the computer and eventually losing all my energy :P yes, i will be cooking up rgu au for kingdom hearts like just doodles is what is to take from all this. sorry if it doesn't make much sense i tried my best fhfdshk

[serekiri]

Yeah I should have clarified it's the stuff I saw in the tags from your utenanthies blog. I wasn't able to send an ask or PM to that blog so I asked here instead.

It wasn't my intention to accuse, I just wanted to ask if you did have the artists' permission to repost their work here cause unfortuantely I do stumble across uncredited and/or unauthorised reposted work every now and then. I try and message people to ask in good faith when I see art reposted from pixiv etc because not everyone is educated about reposting (and, frankly, not everyone cares, which sucks). I'm not trying to "get" anything "from this" so I'm really not sure what you mean by that. I just don't think artists should have their work posted somewhere without their knowledge or permission and just want there to be more awareness about the topic.

If you have asked and gotten/get permission from the artist for everything you repost then that's great! Keep on doing you.

However, I wouldn't have any idea if you are reposting from people who don't allow it regardless - short of me contacting each artist and asking them. I could do it, but I don't think it would be feasible or fair for me to lol so IDK about me sending you an ask every time to have stuff removed.

I will say that I did very easily find that one of the works you reposted has a watermark in the image itself refusing use without permission and the artist's bio also asks for no unauthorised reproduction. The artist actually has a tumblr account so you could've reblogged the art, or asked them to post it there so you can reblog it if they hadn't been uploaded here.

I also found another artwork by another artist that says not to "repost/trace/use my art" on their profile.

Again, I can only assume that you did get permission to repost those two examples I mentioned since you said you do check, and if so please excuse my bluntness. If not and you'd like me to clarify which posts these are I can do so and all I can say is it can be easy to miss stuff, especially if it's on a linked personal website or not written in English (or any language you're fluent in) and just to keep an eye out in future.

Sorry for the long message. (I'm also shocked tumblr doesn't seem to have that short limit on asks anymore lol when did that happen). Take care!

well, atleast you clarified. it was a mistake. not good, but a honest mistake. i should've haven't done in the first place as well, a mutual of mine told me about the blog and ive taken it down and you're right. it was my fault, i shouldn't have done that, my mistake. i know i dont leave the asks on cause i dont see any need to on that blog. that blog is just based on like aesthetics. like posting pictures based on my hyperfixations and the vibes that i keep for it. basically pictures that kind of remind me of the past. but you can ask me here since my ask box is open, just tell me like ive said before, if i do repost without someone's permission. ask me here and send me the link and ill look for it and delete it. i do forget often since i dont even use this website that often. but. send it here and ill check the asks i promise.

also take care as well. bye ^_^

[wiihtigo]

youre doing gods work w the boostle list i stg. once that drops its OVER for me. eithet that or ill just hyperfix rlly hard for a week then forget ab it. well see. is there any other dc shit youd rec or whatever while were at it.

MARTY my friend marty is doing gods work theyre helping me a lot rn remembering which specific issues of other comics they show up in before we get to the big big stuff like countdown

as for other dc stuff id rec....Well i recently finishing reading the 80s (and 60s) doom patrol comic and enjoyed it very much! im also watching the tv show and its good but the episodes are like an hour long so its like a Task to sit down and focus on. Im only like a handful of episodes in

I did not fucking care for like the first 20 issues of doom patrol 1987 and almost dropped it until i reached the grant morrison run and it was instantly so good i couldnt stop reading. Ive said this to my friends before but i would say its comparable to the works of stephen king in both the good and the bad ways. It was a good comic in the same way "It" was a good book

The 60s one is fine and i enjoyed it (it has rita! but so does the tv show so if you want to see her but dont want to read a 60s comic you can watch her there) but if youre in it for the surreal really weird storylines you mightve heard rumors of from dp the 80s run is where it all begins. honest to god id say just skip the issues until grant morrison takes over theyre so BORINGGGGG. IN MY OPINION

hm what else have i been reading OH. YOUNG JUSTICE 1998! i recently finished this one as well i dont know why it took me so long it was only 55 issues but it was SOOOOOO GOOD. i do not fucking like the young justice cartoon this comic is the superior yj media i mean just compare yj 98s kon (cool leather jacket. gay earring. undercut. tiny shades. TWO belts) to the tv shows kon (just a t shirt and jeans. ugly haircut. lame. stupid. ugly. die. Straight)

K*N -> THE COOLER KON EL

cant rec this comic enough mostly out of spite for the fact that when most people think of young justice they think of the swagless cartoon and not this beautiful team of teens. For one, the kids actually act like teens in the comic and not young adults having stupid relationship drama. Theyre sweet and stupid and care about eachother and the storylines are really thoughtful and opinionated. a lot of what im saying is regurgitated from things my much more eloquent friend monty has said about yj but since reading it for myself and now knowing firsthand i cant agree more. There was a really awesome story involving arrowette (cissie king jones) about a school shooting and gun violence. a lot of modern comics take the (pussy) centrist route when dealing with big controversies like this but they literally look to the camera and say GUN CONTROL **PLEASE!!!!!!!!**. in an ealier issue theres this funny moment where bart (impulse) zips away to stop some hunters from killing a deer and kon (superboy) is like did you really violate their AMERICAN right to shoot guns? AWESOME!!!!!!!!

also its just earnestly really really really funny. it has that sam and max style of humor which is why i think i loved it so much.

cant sing enough praises for this comic. Also in the yj show they had dick grayson as the robin for the first season? and wally? why do you hate tim drake and bart allen that much. tim kon and bart are a package deal dont separate them you bitch!

umm well that was only 2 comics i ended up recomending but i talked a lot about yj sooooo. there you go