#i know it'd only work if you ignore the whole ''can't go to heaven or hell'' thing

[nxthingtxwn]

//Why do I want to add a Hazbin Hotel AU for Misa?

[carbondioxidewater]

Posting this now since I might not have enough time next week. Actually I didn't plan this to go on for so long but I guess I just get carried away while writing (originally I wanted it to have 2 chapters max.) But anyways here we are 🐣

@karamatsus wow I'm so sorry that you get tagged so often in such a short time, I feel so annoying🥲

Summary: A story of Tobirama and you being in love with each other without knowing the feelings of the other one, then both being put into arranged marriages with others. (info: female s/o)

Warnings: idk a bit of angst maybe? idk how to measure that🥲😅

Taking Too Long (Pt.5)

Silence.

The only sound is the heavy rain falling down.

Soil soaking in wetness.

No sign of sun in sight, only clouds covering the sky.

As if heaven would cry too.

The cold afternoon matching the sorrowful atmosphere in the village.

Tears dropping on the ground, in line with the rain.

The whole village grieved for it's loss.

For their beloved Hokage died.

-----------------------------------------------------

"(Y/N), we have to bring forward the wedding."

You knew you'd have to bring that relationship to an end someday, but you didn't know it'd haunt you this soon. You hoped he'd spare you with this topic for a while, but now that he called for it, you had to put your courage together and be honest.

"Haruki...I don't know how to bring this close to you...but..."

Haruki's attention lied fully on you now.

"I'm just going to tell you straight away. I can't marry you. I know we're already engaged and you need this more than ever now, but I just can't do it. I do like you a lot, but I just don't love you. I really tried but my heart belongs to someone else, and there is nothing I can do about that. I'd never be able to give everything in this relationship and that's just not fair to you. You deserve someone who is truthful, not someone with half-hearted attempts."

You swallowed when Haruki didn't say anything but just looked at you.

"...Haruki? Please say something."

He looked down to the ground and sighed.

"This someone...it's Tobirama, right?"

"Uh-...yes...", you stammered with a surprised face and lowered your head. How could everyone see what was going on between you and Tobirama except you two?

"I knew it." A sigh left his lips again but he smiled lightly.

"I'm so sorry." You didn't dare to look into his eyes.

"Don't apologize for having a heart, (Y/N). This was a noble action."

"Noble? I'd say it's anything but this. I feel terrible for doing this to you."

"It really is. Yes, it breaks my heart, I really wanted to see us working, but deep down I knew this couldn't work. I guess I was being so selfish that I was ready to ruin us by ignoring that - just to be together. But your action was pure. You prevented us from misfortune."

He's so tolerant and insightful, how could a person be this polite after being rejected like this? He must be too good to be true. Now you even felt more sorry, though being relieved and happy that it went without any difficulties.

"Thank you so much for reacting this calm. I wish you all the best for your future and I'll always be there if you need me. I hope you know that."

"I do, and the same goes for me. Thank you for still staying with me in those rough times. This shows your true nature. I hope you'll get happy with him, (Y/N)."

He gave you a smile and you returned it, touching his hand in consolation. But this harmony was shattered the moment one of Haruki's subordinates bursted in.

"Haruki-sama! It's an emergency!

Haruki and you looked at him in strain.

"The Hokage is dead!"

This sent a sting to your heart.

-----------------------------------------------------

Everybody was gathering around the coffin when you and Haruki arrived. Your eyes were searching for a specific someone in the big crowd and after looking halfway through, you saw Tobirama in front of everyone else. There he was, standing stock-still and having this usual stoic expression on his face, even in such a moment. Everyone else was probably confused, thinking he was heartless for not showing any kinds of emotions to his brothers' death, but the shinobi among you knew better, especially those who repeatedly worked along with him. Deep down he cared more than one could ever imagine, but he just wasn't capable of showing it, taking the way he's been raised into account. Hashirama once opened up to you about how their childhood was far from harmony.

Oppressed by their father, their life was full of pressure, fear and war. It was a way too heavy burden for a clueless, innocent child to bear, which resulted in them having to suppress any signs of childish tendencies to survive the end of the day. They were confronted with death on a daily basis, even seeing the dead and disfigured corpses of their beloved brothers being buried without being allowed to cry a single tear. This trauma still doesn't let one go after so many years, obviously. If he was forced to hold back as a child, then he will still hold back in present time. But he was coping with it the best he could and you knew that. It was probably one of the many reasons why you fell this hard for him, seeing how strong he was, not talking about his physical condition now, but his mental endurance.

You didn't know what to do now though, would it be better to leave him alone or should you go up to him and keep him company? Your mind even thought about Haruki and how bad he'd have to feel if you'd ran up to him now, but you knew this was not the time to worry about this. You wouldn't let him suffer alone. He would have to understand. As if he could read your mind, he told you exactly this.

"Go ahead, don't worry about me. He needs you now."

You nodded thankfully and walked to where Tobirama was located. Apparently, this scared him a little, because when you stopped next to him, you could see his body flinching a tiny bit - almost unseeable though. He didn't move his head, but his eyes wandered to you.

"(Y/N)..." he said and you could hear the pain in his voice.

"We don't need to talk. Just know that you're not alone." You also didn't look at him, your stare setted forward.

You curled your pinky finger around his since this is the only physical touch no one would be able to see or say a thing against.

Unexpectedly, he released his pinky from yours and took your whole hand into his with one move, holding it entirely then.

A deep and intimate connection established between you in this moment and you just stood there and watched the funeral together. When the speech started, you couldn't hold back your tears. As much as you wanted to, since you felt it misplaced in front of Tobirama, - he was his brother in the end - your eyes just worked on their own when you thought of all the memories you had with your friend.

Without planning it, you let out a hearable sob and turned your head to the other direction so that Tobirama wouldn't see you crying.

He didn't say anything but you knew he heard it, because, as soon as you did, he tightened the grip around your hand. You looked up to him for a while before you reciprocated and strengthened your squeeze too. Then you listened further to the speech again. It was one of those who accompanied Hashirama on the field that held it.

"...We want you all to know that he did not die in vain. He fought until the very end to protect us, his comrades, and save the village and it's citizens. He sacrificed himself for our sake and made sure of our survival. And he did not allow himself to be pushed aside by the enemy, not dying until he cleared every single of them out the way to pave the path for us to run into the glowing future that'll embrace us with open arms now. Without him, many of us wouldn't stand here this exact moment, and we will always be thankful for this selfless gesture. He will forever be in our hearts as our saviour, known for his unlimited kindness and devotion for his people, which he saw - as we all felt in our bones - as his own brothers and sisters. And we will forever keep the legacy he entrusted us with, as he will live on in the undying, everlasting Will of Fire. Thank you, Hashirama Senju, for being our beloved Hokage."

The crowd shed in tears.

When the speech was over, the people dedicated their last favor and left slowly. While everyone around you was moving, Tobirama and you waited in silence, just looking into the deep bareness that surrounded you.

You looked at the photograph in the middle of his shrine and remembered the weird feeling you had when talking to him. You wondered if he possibly knew he wouldn't come back home alive back in time.

When everyone was gone - having said their condolences to Tobirama before - you both, still holding hands, stood a little longer, not making any noise before he broke the silence.

"I'm going to be the next Hokage."

You faced him in astonishment.

"Oh...Are you worried?" You carefully asked, not knowing what else to say. He shook his head.

"Not worried. It just doesn't...sit right with me."

"Why?" You asked with a calm voice again.

"It feels wrong." He admitted.

"I understand. But no one would be more suitable than you. Hashirama would want that too."

He huffed lowly in amusement.

"Maybe...What are you even doing here with me? Isn't Haruki waiting for you?" He asked without meaning to blame you, only being purely interested.

"No...I settled things today. He knows about everything. And don't think I'm going to let you alone now." You puffed the last sentence.

"Well, unless you want it of course.", you quickly added, in case he wanted some alone time.

He chuckled, but didn't let go of your hand. You took that as a sign for you to stay.

"At least something is going well today." He took a while before speaking further.

"But (Y/N), now that I'm going to become Hokage, I'll have other things in mind. It'll take a while until I can take care of everything regarding the wedding." You were getting furious at him for thinking you would care about this in such situation.

"How can you think about this now? Don't you dare think I would care about this. I can wait, this right here is more important now. Don't worry about this."

"I'm sorry."

?

Did he just apologize for that? You felt a pain in your chest, thinking of how broken he must feel at the moment to react like that. You promptly took him in for an embrace. He was surprised at first but eventually returned the hug.

"Please, don't apologize. There's no need to.", you assured him.

He didn't say anything for a long time when, abruptly, you heard soft whimpers, almost inaudible if you wouldn't listen close enough, followed by tears dropping down your skin. He cried. Tobirama Senju cried. In your arms. Not loud, not hard, but he did, and this was an immense sign of trust from his side. Showing his vulnerable side to someone meant that he felt comfortable and safe around them, and you felt honoured, blessed and heartbroken at the same time to be such person to him.

You didn't look up to him, just held him tighter as tears started to fill your eyes too. You squinted your eyes close in agony.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N)...I'm sorry, I can't..." He said with a broken voice.

"For what? Don't be. It's alright...let it out." You stroked his back gently with your hands.

"What kind of brother doesn't cry at his brother's funeral?"

He further blamed himself for not crying during the ceremony. You couldn't listen to it, it just broke your heart. You moved your body and took his face into your hands. It was blank like usual, no hint of expression, only his neutral and stern face, but it was full of tears wandering down his skin.

"Stop, Tobirama. You were a good brother, not crying doesn't mean anything less. Everyone deals different with emotions." You wiped away his tears. He looked at you for a while, pulled his eyebrows together in torment and put his hands over yours at his cheeks, holding them there.

"Thanks..." He whispered weak and you hugged him once again, arms around his neck, and gave him a few kisses on the cheek every now and then while he buried his face deep into your neck to hide his tears.

You'd hold him like this forever if you had to, but fortunately, he calmed down in your arms after some time.

[essayofthoughts]

36, 28, 23?

23. Dialogue or description? Why is the other one so hard?

If I know the voices of characters then dialogue is pretty easy, usually, and I like to get some idea of new characters, especially OCs usually by writing a scene with some dialogue so I know how they sound.

That said, description is generally easier for me, especially if I'm writing something Thinky, and I have found it frustrating, sometimes, when my description feels flat and I know I need some dialogue to balance it because sentence length variation isn't doing the trick but I can't. Fucking. Think. What. To Write.

So yeah, description is easiest, but I find dialogue best for pinning down a character. Idk why it's harder, but they serve different purposes to me anyway.

28. Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?

Okay so uh. Some people have commented on my description before, and its been described as having lyricism in at least one comment and... the tl;dr of this all is read poetry and figure out how it works.

Like, no jokes, that's why sometimes I'll write a description weird or use an unusual sentence formation or use a contrasting phrase - like "piece apart" instead of "piece together". The way poetry works is by ignoring conventional grammar to create emotive connections that allow you to grasp at what it's trying to convey without using 10,000 words to get there and yes, I can get wordy, but the thing is if I described everything in the excruciating detail I could it'd be so much worse - but if I use poetic tricks then I can cut that down by 90% if I go hard at it. That's kind of why I used the vignette style for so long because it let me basically make each scene a verse where I'm making sure the core impact and essence is conveyed. I do this with choppy action scenes too - you don't provide every detail but you provide important details that give the feeling and emotion that you want. You focus on small details that hit you. You use sibilance and alliteration and rules of three and sometimes you kludge together words with hyphens in a style like Norse epithets because that can be so much more evocative than trying to just describe it with regular words.

Over used this can absolutely go beyond purple prose and into urple but genuinely: be poetic. Look at poems and figure out what works. Tyger Tyger burning bright in the forest of the night what immortal hand or eye could frame thy fearful symmetry. Why is the symmetry fearful! Is it something you fear or is the symmetry itself afraid? The line construction suggests that one needs to be immortal to dare to frame this fiercely burning, perfectly matched creature, you see? What the hammer what the chain, in what furnace was thy brain what the anvil what dread grasp dare its deadly terrors grasp? The essence of this poem is telling you a tiger is terrfying. It's scary. It is burning bright it is forged in fire, it's brain was trapped in a furnance, it was hammered out on an anvil - this is a creature you dread. And when the stars threw down their spears and water'd heaven with their tears: did he smile his work to see, did he who made the lamb make thee? - The stars themselves are too scared to fight, their silver is the tears that cry from the skies beyond heaven itself, did God himself smile at this horrible creation - this thing which eats lambs, when he created those two! What is this dichotomy!

God I love The Tyger. Or... Dulce et Decorum Est, lets say - the latter two thirds only because I could go on forever about the poem as a whole:

Gas! Gas! Quick boys! An esctasy of fumbling/Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time/But someone still was yelling out and stumbling/and flound'ring like a man in fire or lime/dim through the misty panes of thick green light/ as under a green sea, I saw him drowning

in all my dreams before my helpless sight/he plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

It goes from the slow of the first verse into this haste, into this panic, you speed up reading it because of that sudden rush and then it just stops and slows - as under a green sea I saw him drowning. You have to give that line it's measure, you have to let it go from all that rushed and broken haste and staccato description into this awful, painful exact witness: as under a green sea, I saw. him. drowning.

That comma after sea arguably doesn't need to be there but it is because you need to pause. There is beauty first, still in that energy of the fearful haste and then there is that simple, simple reminder I saw him drowning. You cannot take it as anything else. And then Wilfred Owen makes you stay slow, makes you stay with him and remember before my helpless sight, he plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

Triple. Because we remember threes. And then:

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace/behind the wagon that we flung him in/and watch the white eyes writhing in his face/his hanging face like a devil's sick of sin/ if you could hear at every jolt the blood/come gargling from the froth corrupted lungs/obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud/of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues/ my friend you would not tell with such high zest./to children ardent for some desperate glory/the old lie dulce et decorum est/pro patria mori

This is a poem where, by the end, you should be spitting it. In the words of this poem you are witnessing a young man, just a moment slower than his fellows, die, choked out on his own poisoned, rotted lungs and the gas which did it, but it's not the gas Owen is angry at, not the man or even the other side - he's angry at those who told the lie that led this young man out there into this field where one second's slowness was his death, his angry at the lie and those who tell it, right where the blame should be placed and he is spitting fucking angry.

Or... The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam - only one or two of the translated stanzas because it's fucking long:

The moving finger wites and having write moves on nor all your piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line nor all your tears wash out a word of it

and that inverted bowl they call the sky whereunder crawling coop'd we live and die, lift not your hands to it for help- for it as impotently moves as you or i.

God I. I fucking love this translation of it because there's such imagery in the poetry, nor all your piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line - what's done is done and cannot be undone, nor all your tears wash out a word of it.

And then just that inverted bowl they call the sky whereunder crawling coop'd we live and die - GOD. "that inverted bowl" is so evocative and "whereunder" is a term you never here except in old texts or poetry and then the idea we crawl, we are cooped up, we are trapped here but that which traps us has no more power over our fates than we do just, fuck.

...

Look, I really like poetry okay. And I repeat the tl;dr: Look at poems, look at what makes them fuck you up right in the feels, and then use that yourself. You'll have some fucky sentence formulation and some weird punctuation but I promise it's so worth it for the leaps and bounds it'll give your descriptions. You can do this with other things - and should, really! - but poetry is the epitome to me. Poetry does all of what song lyrics can do without music to aid it, it has to set it's own rhythm - and as shown with Dulce et decorum est, it can slow and speed that as it pleases. And on that note:

36. How do you come up with fic titles? What’s the one you’re most proud of?

Applicable poetry. I've used the Rubaiyat and Dulce et Decorum Est to name fics before - and I've used song lyrics too - but I really like using poems when I can. I also like sometimes using excerpts from the fic itself, which is pretty common as a choice for oneshots and sometimes I just use the WIP title if I don't mind it too much. But if's most favourite of all of my fic titles uh...

So there's a secret with the titles for the rest of the Ghost Cass fics. I've got names for all eight parts, but they'll only be revealed as we come to each part but uh.

Yeah, suffice to say I'm really fucking proud of the titles I've got pinned out for that series. Not just Whisper - I do mean all of them, and how they fit together.

[axewchao]

I'm never gonna stop making Dal incarnations, am I? This is the life I've chosen to live =w="

This time it's the one, the only, the world of Five Night's at Freddy's! Complete with two options right at the start!

Since Security Breach is the most recent addition to the series, both options' stories will take place at the Pizzaplex, with events playing out differently depending on whether it's happening to Adult or Kid Dal.

Adult Dal

Was never a fan of the Fazbear franchise, even as a kid. Between the ghost stories about kids dying in Fazbear establishments and a general dislike of animatronics overall, Dalex gave the Mega Pizzaplex a wide berth after it was constructed, even going so far as to avoid driving near the place.

The only reason he actually steps inside is because he agreed to be a chaperone for several kids in his neighborhood. All of them were begging and pleading to go, and with their puppy eyes combined with the promise of some cash from their parents (and his friend Makani's delicious rose apple tarts), Dalex couldn't say no. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, Dalex gave a reluctant smile to the camera as the S.T.A.F.F. bots set up his guest profile.

The mall itself wasn't as bad as Dalex thought it would be. The food was decent, the arcade was the retro heaven he'd always dreamed of, he kicked everyone's ass in Fazerblast, and while he was still a tad creeped out by them, the Glamrocks made "his" (in quotes because Chica mistook him for their dad) kids ecstatic, especially after they each got autographs from the whole gang.

Of course, the fun can't last forever, and once the nighttime concert reached its end, Dalex did a final head count of his kids. ...Aaand one was missing.

Shit.

The one thing he swore he wouldn't let happen ended up happening anyway. Fighting back against the wave of pure panic rushing through him, Dalex immediately called the other kids' parents and asked them to come pick their children up. ...What? You didn't think he was gonna make all the kids stay behind while looking for the absent one, did you? That's just irresponsible.

After a bit of pleading, a certain blonde-haired security guard agreed to let Dalex search the mall for the final kid, even alerting the Glamrocks so they could help with the search. Montgomery Gator paired up with Dal, the duo making their way through the golf course.

Monty could tell that Dalex was on the brink of flipping the fuck out, so he tried to start a bit of small talk with the fleshy guest. Which, unfortunately, didn't work, as Dalex continued to call out for his kid, ignoring the gator. In hindsight, ignoring said gator probably wasn't wise, as once the clock struck midnight, Monty went completely silent.

He stared at the human that kept calling for a kid...

(find the child)

His body felt like it was locking up...

(capture them)

Everything was getting fuzzy...

(the adult is unnecessary)

What...

(he is an interloper)

What was happening...?

(get rid of him)

What was he doing again...?

(dispose of him)

He was...

(kill him)

He was...

(Kill Him)

(KILL HIM!!!)

Dalex only had a split second to react as he was nearly tackled from behind, courtesy of the one and only Monty Gator.

What the fuck?! It was like Monty had just gone crazy!! He said as much to the robot gator, who only replied with a roar as he charged at Dalex a second time. Grabbing the first thing he could find (that being a golf club), Dalex swung as hard as he could at the animatronic.

...It didn't do as much damage as he'd hoped. The dent looked mean, at least. But dent or no dent, Monty was still ready to pounce, so Dal did the most logical thing you do in a fight you know you'll never win.

He fucking ran.

Kid Dal

Ever since he heard rumors about kids vanishing after visiting the Pizzaplex, Dalex made a point to never set foot inside. He doubted there would ever come a time where he'd have to. It'd have to be a life-or-death situation.

...So of course, once his friend Makani mentioned that she wanted to go, Dal immediately offered to come with her. Really, what was Dal supposed to do, let his best friend go to that creepy mall alone? Absolutely not.

From the moment he stepped inside, Dalex was tense and ready to run at a moment's notice. Any sudden movement or shout was enough to make him jump, and while Makani thought it was kinda funny, she still felt that her friend's paranoia was getting out of control. The Pizzaplex was perfectly safe, and she'd prove it to him!

The whole day was spent playing in almost everything the mall had to offer. From Fazerblast to Mazercise to the Retro Heaven this place called an arcade, Makani and Dally were together. Little by little, her purple-clad pal began to settle down and start enjoying himself, though not nearly as much as Makani was hoping for. Maybe he just had to meet the Glamrocks in person? Dally was always like that; wary until actually getting to know someone. It's how he was when he first met her, after all.

It was a little amusing, seeing Dal hide behind his much smaller friend once the Glamrocks started walking around. Chica was too peppy and made him a bit uncomfortable when she offered candy (which he still took because he can't resist caramel). Roxy's slightly aggressive tone felt like a challenge. The bad kind of challenge. And Freddy was Makani's favorite, so he didn't even try to talk to the bear until his friend had her turn.

So that left him with the one and only Montgomery Gator. He was used to this; kids being wary of the big, bad gator that replaced Bonnie. But that didn't stop him from trying to talk to the kid anyway. He had to admit that it was pretty damn cute seeing the kid act so protective over someone like half his height.

It's a shame, then, that despite his vigilance, Dalex failed to notice the eyes on both him and Makani. Eyes that had been watching them for quite some time now. Eyes that shone with an unidentifiable emotion, having found not one, but two new targets.

The girl would be easy. A decent warm up. The boy, meanwhile, looked like he'd give a good chase.

It would be fun. Like it's been each time before.

Fun.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Three [PT. 1]

Words: 3k

Warning(s): explicit language, drug abuse

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NIKKI

1987

I throw another drink back not long after yelling obscurities at Viv as she stomped out of VIP to leave and go home, between more lines of blow, a trip to the bathroom to get a fix and some drinks, we decide to take the party to Steven's new place. 

"You guys just can't be too loud, though, got it?" He says as sternly as he can as we get inside and he fumbles for his key. 

"Alright, alright, alright," I mumble, stepping inside, grabbing his bottle of Jack off the counter before getting comfortable on the floor by the window. 

We all talk--as best we can--for a little while, Steven and the boys making some calls to get some dealers here, and the only thing on my mind is getting a potent fix, until I hear something...very faint, very familiar...very, very, familiar...I furrow my brows to focus more, ignoring the guys' laughter and voices, my eyes training on the wall opposite of me. 

My subconscious puts it together before my conscious does, like smelling a blanket from a childhood home and immediately being taken back before your brain can quite grasp the feeling. 

Multiple memories shrouding that sound of Vivian that only she can really pull off. 

It doesn't take rocket science equation solving skills to put together why I'm currently hearing her soft, pretty moans carry on next door. 

I'm pretty sure more members of Guns, aside from Steven, are staying here right now. 

Apparently Stevie hears it not long after and slips into the next suite, where the sound is coming from, that's connected to his suite. 

I don't hear it anymore after he gets back in here. 

"Dealer's coming or what?" I ask Steven, my high starting to get blowed from the fact that my wife is next door on her back for someone who isn't me. 

I'd be jealous if I weren't numb to it by now.

"They're all tied up, man." Steven tells me and I groan, thinking for a second. 

An idea comes to mind that makes me want to bang my head against the wall, but I'm desperate and left with no option at this point. 

"I know a guy," I mumble, dragging myself up to the phone in the little kitchen area, reluctantly dialing a number I never wanted to dial again. 

It rings once...twice...three times… 

"Hello?" He answers and I roll my eyes. 

"'Sup man, it's Nikki." I reply, trying to put on my best "friendly" voice, even though it's making my blood boil that the bastard I could see myself killing is ultimately the one that's gonna be able to save the day. 

"Hey, dude." He replies. 

"Me and a few buddies of mine are out here at the Franklin Plaza Suites and need a few things." I rub the back of my neck. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

It's quiet, and he reluctantly breathes out. 

"I'll see what I can do." I can hear the satisfaction in his voice that I'm having to call him. 

Within the next forty minutes there's more people here than I'm comfortable with, groupies, and hangerson, and other drug adoring morons, and then my saving grace comes through the door once Steven lets him in. 

Slash is already slipping into a Jack induced stupor. Sally came in a few minutes ago screaming at all of us guys for leaving her at the Cat House. 

We didn't even realize we'd forgotten her. 

She's in the bathroom, probably keeping herself in there to keep from starting an argument with Slash in front of everyone. 

Robbin's on the phone with Laurie.

Apparently it's just in men's nature to get fucked up, call our wives, and profess our undying love for them despite the fact we cheat on them nearly every time we hangout with our friends. 

I wonder what would happen if I went in there on her and Duff right now. 

What would she say? 

Probably nothing. 

She'd just look at the floor and try not to cry, probably. 

What would I do? 

I know that I know what's going on between them, but if I actually walked in and saw them together, caught in the act…

I'd either be a pussy and cry over it, or kill them both--him first and make her watch, and then just slowly torture her or something. God, I'm fucked up. Even though I'm pretty sure being married to me is torture enough to her. 

I know it's torture to me, too. 

"Here dude," Sparkie hands me a syringe and a spoon, and I look at him, too out of focus to concentrate on getting it right. 

"Fix me." I say to him and he scoffs. 

"Okay, dude." He starts getting it ready and I look at that wall again. Staring at it, taking a sip of my drink. 

Fucking Vivian. 

Of course. Her. Of all the women I've hooked up with and dated in my life, she--the most harmless, at least in my dumbfuck mind when I first met her--is the one to screw me over like this. 

And I've let her. 

If I did what Vince does to Sharise and have that whole, "no hanging out with your boy friends without me" rule, this wouldn't even be an issue. 

That's the problem. Somewhere along the way I loosened her leash a little too much and now she's chewed her way through it entirely. 

"You look like you're in hell, you know," Sparkie tells me, fixing the tourniquet around my arm… "But that's okay, you're about to be in heaven in just a few seconds." He assures me. 

I know he's right. I just need to hang on to that. 

In just a few seconds, I'll be--

I hear Vivian, again, and I reach around my neck and grab onto her cross I've been wearing for weeks, now, squeezing it at the sting of the needle going into my skin. 

I feel him shoot me up, my mind waiting to chase and catch the high that I just know is about to come. 

My fingers slip from the crucifix, and I feel myself fall back before a weightless feeling washes over me.

Present

I keep rereading the damn paper, repeatedly, trying my hardest not to throw a fit...

Nikki Sixx and his wife, Vivian, recently confirmed that she is indeed pregnant issuing a simple and straightforward,"Yes, it's true," statement earlier this week through Nikki's manager, and--as speculated--her pregnancy is not with Nikki. Many fans and some friends of the couple are blown out of the water by this sudden turn of events, others who are familiar with the rockstar and his band but never really paid much attention to his personal relationships, are now curious as to who exactly Vivian Sixx is. Well, in an open letter, rumored to be intended for print in Rolling Stone, a few anonymous former roadies of Mötley Crüe--who partook on their Girls, Girls, Girls, tour in 1987--are here to introduce who they saw behind the scenes of flashing cameras and public sweet moments with husband Nikki. 

"This is a letter to Mötley Crüe fans, we're a mere handful of people out of the many who witnessed monstrosities behind the scenes while on tour with the Crüe since Summer of 1987, none of which were caused by the band or any members, themselves, but one woman in particular. We had no reason to really bring any of this up, but in light of recent news, we are disheartened and angered of the betrayal against one of the four men who gave us an opportunity to live several months in our lives that will forever impact us in the best way known, and provide heartwarming memories by the dozen. This is not an attack on Nikki Sixx, especially given his past struggles with opioid addiction, alcoholism, as well as his abusive wife. The first time we met Vivian, she was polite and friendly, but very assertive. It was obvious it would be her way or no way,  and often times she and Nikki would go back and forth with who was running things. It was obvious Nikki was unwell at times, whether it'd be hungover, sick from withdrawal or simply tired from a show the night before. Vivian would choose these times when he was at his most exhausted to pick fights with him. He'd tell her to go away or 'f**k off,' and she'd continue to verbally and mentally beat him down more than he clearly already was. When Rolling Stone came to interview the band shortly after the wild rumor Vanity started publicly, we were told Vivian had tried to physically attack the reporter working on the story, simply because he made the comment that Pepsi wasn't good for her. Small things like that would often set her off, leaving security, managers, and band members to try to dodge fists while pulling her off of her unsuspecting victim, who was typically Nikki. Many times we'd hear them arguing in the hotel rooms, dressing rooms, bathrooms, tour bus, etc., usually followed by sounds of what we can only describe as 'pitchy, hungry, pornstar moans' on her part--clearly using her body to get back in his good graces after wearing him down. After their fights, Nikki would always have a bottle of alcohol on hand, some kind of drug, and would keep to himself. Our comradery with him soon began to dwindle with each month because it was obvious she was beginning to suck the life out of him. He was more introverted overtime, and higher more often than he was at the beginning of the tour. It really got bad when Guns N' Roses came on tour for a month, because Vivian's attacks on him and the other members of Mötley Crüe, began to pop off as randomly and explosively as fireworks. We'd witness some foul exchange (brought on by Vivian)  between her and Nikki backstage, either verbal or physical, nearly every night. People can talk down on the Crüe for being bad boys, but they've shown everybody that's helped them on tour, gratitude. All the wives and girlfriends that would come on that we'd offer food and drinks to would always express gratitude with a smile and a warm heart, but Vivian would always stay silent and cold towards us. She's a trashy, bitchy, whiney, hateful, spiteful, conniving, plotting python that now has her cold-blooded grasp around not only Nikki's neck, but also Duff's. Her game is to find the most well rounded guys while maintaining under her guise that she's a kind, Christianly woman, and see how far she can push them until they work themselves to death, literally, with trying to please her. We aren't surprised that she's pregnant, she probably video taped herself conceiving the damn thing and sent it to Nikki. We hope she did so it can be practice  for her inevitable low-budget porn career when she runs out of rockstars to f**k and kill, as we've mentioned, she already sounds like one in the throws of passion. Anyway, Nikki, we're hoping you decide to kick her aside and start fresh. Duff, get a paternity test, dude. Crüe fans, don't let that red-headed bitch fool you."

"Who the hell is Page Six to give these bastards a platform in the first place, Doc?!" I snap.

"Nikki, I am handling it, I'm on it--"

"--You tell the L.A. Times and Rolling fucking Stone if they take this shit and run with it, too, I'm personally coming to their offices and fucking them up. Not the publications themselves, but the people trying to put this out there in print, individually." I hiss.

"Nikki, just--" 

"--And who the hell--what roadies did this?!" 

"I don't know, Nikki, but I'm trying my hardest to get it cleaned up." He assures me. 

"'She's a trashy, bitchy, whiney, hateful, spiteful, conniving, plotting python that now has her cold-blooded grasp around not only Nikki's neck, but also Duff's. Her game is to find the most well rounded guys while maintaining under her guise that she's a kind, Christianly woman, and see how far she can push them until they work themselves to death, literally, with trying to please her'?!" I read that snippet, just so he can be reminded how fucked this is, trying my hardest not to start pitching a fucking fit. 

"Fucking AJaxx isn't even cleaning this up! Press mongrels are gonna be humping these bastards legs for giving them sales for the next nine months!" I outburst. 

"Sixx, don't worry about it, alright? It won't go past this shitty Page Six story, okay?" 

"It's fucking horse shit." I ignore him, trying to keep my cool. "Fuck." I kick at the leg of the table, running a hand through my hair.

"I guess one decently positive thing is that Viv doesn't know about this," he says next and I shake my head a little, feeling a migraine starting to come on, strong. 

I was tempted then to check myself out of rehab and 'handle' it myself, but decided it wouldn't be worth it. I hoped it would go away and it would all blow over eventually.

"Vivian, don't listen to any of it, alright? Me and you and everyone on that tour know damn well it wasn't just you being a bitch and us being the innocent victims." I say through the phone as Viv tries to calm down, her breathing shaky and ragged from crying so much. 

"I know that but the fans and other people don't know that." She says to me, her voice quiet and tired. "I'm so embarrassed, Nikki." She adds. "I'm already embarrassed that everybody knows I cheated on you but now this whole thing…" she trails off and I feel guilt tug at my heart. 

I don't know what the fuck to say. 

I'm used to criticism from the press, but none of them have tore into me or any of the guys--except Vince after the Razzle accident--so personally and extensively as they're tearing at her. 

Calling me a devil worshipper and saying my music is shitty gets annoying and frustrating and even infuriating at times, but attacking my wife and calling her a low budget porn star and telling me to kick her aside? 

Fuck that. 

"I'm sorry, Viv. I really am." I assure her, honestly, closing my eyes when I hear her stifle a little sob out. "Where are you at right now?" I ask. 

"Duff wanted me to meet his family." She tells me. "I'll be back Saturday." 

I'm relieved she actually has a reason for not being here, but I'm also hurt that she didn't give me a heads up. But I don't want to talk about it right now. I think she's been punished enough today. 

"Okay...you didn't show yesterday and I was just worried." I admit. 

"I know, it was just a spur of the moment thing. He asked me last week and I didn't think it'd be an issue." 

"Oh." 

I glance around and let out a breath. 

"I, um, I'm gonna go. I got a group thing with the guys at 3:00." I tell her. 

"Okay." 

"Are you gonna be okay or do I need to break out and kick someone's ass?" I ask her, half-joking, and she laughs, making me smile. 

"I'll be okay." She tells me. 

"I'll see you next week, Sixx." 

I can practically hear the smile in her voice when she says, "see you next week." 

We hang up and I rub my lips together, taking a few deep breaths before heading to where me and the guys meet with Amber three times a week now. 

Tommy and Vince are waiting for me, and I plop down beside them, leaning forward, elbows on my knees, hands running over my face…

"Psst," Tommy nudges me and I look at him as Vince gets up to grab a cup of coffee. 

"What?" I ask him, and he puts his finger over his mouth. 

"You seen the shit they're on Vivian for?" He whispers and I furrow my brows, looking around. 

"The room is empty except us, dude, why are you--"

"--Shh," he says. 

"Why are you whispering?" I finish my sentence. 

"Because they probably have this motherfucker bugged out the ass." He replies, glancing around again. "I'm thinking of breaking outta here, man." He whispers very, very quietly. 

"You do know we're not being held here by legal obligation, right? They won't chase us down and have the cops on us if we just check ourselves out." I point out and he furrows his brows a little. 

"Oh." 

"Why do you wanna 'break out'?" I ask. 

"I miss Heather and my dogs and I wanna be able to be there Viv, dude. She fucking needs us right now and we're, like, over an hour away--disconnected from shit. I mean we wouldn't even know what the fuck was going on in the world if Doc wasn't keeping us in the loop, ya know?" 

I think about it for a second. 

"We're over a month into our three month stay, dude." I state. "We can't just throw in the towel, now." 

"I don't mean ditch it and stay gone. I just mean check out for a few days, go back home, see what all is going on and come back." He shrugs. 

It seems oddly appealing. 

Way too appealing, actually. 

"I don't know, Tommy…" I rub the back of my neck.

"I already talked to Vince about it and he's down."

"Of course he is." 

"And we wouldn't be doing it tomorrow or anything. I'm thinking next week." 

"Does Doc know?" I ask. 

"Fuck Doc." He scoffs. 

"Agreed." I nod, chuckling. 

"So, you in or not, man?" 

"Just for a few days?" 

"Just for a few days." 

"Then we're all coming back in?" 

"Like we never left to begin with." 

"No drugs, no parties, not even alcohol." 

"Just spending time with our families and then back to the grindstone." He states. 

"...I'm in."

 ...You know when you're on a shitty diet, eating boring, tasteless, "healthy" food, and then decide you've been stuck to your diet long enough that you can have one slice of cake because you're disciplined enough to control yourself? And now, two years later, you're still telling yourself you'll get back on your diet because after that slice of cake you just said, "fuck it," and never thought about forcing yourself to eat lettuce again? Let's just say leaving rehab prematurely works the same damn way.

[brideofcthulhu10]

The Lost Boys Find Out Their Fem!S/O is Pregnant [4/4]

SUBJECT WARNING: PHYSICAL AGRESSION, SEXUAL THEMES AND A WHOLE LOT OF SWEARING. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

Alrighty then, my lovely fang babes! Here we are, we have the last of the first edition of the pregnancy saga! Worry not, dearest readers, for there is hope! I plan on doing a separate series about going through the pregnancy, and maybe even going through the childbirth with how the boys are as new dads. Let me know in the comments if you'd like to see more, and by tomorrow night we'll have a whole new set to love!

It was such a blast writing Paul's, I'm not gonna lie I got lost in the magic! We have a cute little character cameo for all you 80s movie nerds, lemme know if you can figure out what it is! So, without any more delays; here he is. The gorgeous, the goofy, the one, the only:

PAUL

Today had been an unexpected challenge. You barely got through your shift at the record store, every time you were in light it made you dizzy. Hangovers had nothing on this! Did you drink too much the night before? No, now that you thought about it any attempts to drink had you hugging a toilet. Not to mention your period was late as hell! Well, not the cramps, go figure. Just no blood. None at all. 

You never let on to your beau, Paul, though. The party boy vampire would become overly worried if you told him you were sick, and you weren't about to spoil a good time with a bit of nausea. So here you were, stumbling about the day into the late afternoon absolutely miserable. Your manager Iona offered you some crackers and ginger ale during your lunch break. No dice, within an hour you were running to the bathroom again. 

"Gosh hon, I dunno what ta tell ya. Maybe you ate something nasty, I told you that boardwalk food was fishy," Iona sighed, poking at her own lunch with a fork. Currently your coworker Andie was watching the front until you were feeling better.

"Kill me now, Iona," you groaned, chin resting on the table with your arms laid over your head. Then there was a smell. The greatest, most flavorful, mouthwatering scent you've ever experienced. Like a honey baked ham and a New York sirloin had a glorious new baby drizzled in ecstasy. Glancing over, your stomach growled at whatever it could be. If this were a cartoon you'd be flying to what it was.

Oddly enough, it was coming from Iona. Well, whatever black stuff was in her little plastic tupperware dish. Who cares what it was, it smelled incredible.

"Hey uh..," you asked, leaning over towards the sticky, mysterious delicacy calling your name. "You wouldn't mind if I had a bite, would ya?"

"You sure, hon? This isn't exactly your average dish, it's kinda weird," she tried to explain. God you couldn't take your eyes off it! Finally, your merciful manager pushed it your way, and you couldn't resist any longer. 

"I don't even care, this is the first thing in the past two days that hasn't made me nauseous," you muffled between cosmic bites.

Oh shit, this was heaven! It had to be some sort of meat, it reminded her of a nice spicy kielbasa, a slow roasted brisket, every second it changed to some new world of food you had never tried. What it was didn't matter by this point.

"Wooow. I've never met someone who liked black pudding that much."

Pudding? "I thought it was meat or something? It doesn't taste anything like pudding," you insisted, polishing off the very last specs of it. "Got any more?"

"No, no, not like chocolate pudding or stuff like that, kiddo. black pudding. It's this dish from the UK my new boyfriend made me. It's congealed pig's and cow blood mixed with spices."

You made a face. Blood? Like, blood blood? The cow equivalent of what Paul drank on a daily basis? Yet this was the first time you didn't puke, in fact, you kinda wanted more. Even knowing what is was made of.. for some reason you craved more. Meanwhile Iona continued to talk on and on, until one phrase caught your ears. "Yea, ya know my mom was so into for the longest time. Said she craved it her whole pregnancy, I never got a taste for it honestly."

A single thought popped into your head. A dangerous, foreboding thought that your intuition said was very much a possibility. In a flash you jumped up, nearly slamming your hands on the table. "I gotta go. Oh shit, I gotta go! I'll be right back, I swear, I'm so sorry, I swear to god I'll be right back," you shouted as you bolted out of the store.

"Wait what-?!"

You'd make it up to her once you got back. You had to know! You had to be sure..! Please just let it be paranoia! Please let it be anything, anything at all besides what you thought it was!

Once you reached the nearest CVS you made a B-line to the women's health section. Your hair clung to your face, your lungs stung like crazy but all you could think about was getting answers. And cue the disapproving glare of some old bat picking out a box of pads. Alright being 17 in front of the pregnancy tests looked bad. You weren't just a high schooler, you looked it too. "What're you looking at, " you snarl. Immediately she clutched her pearls, startled by this abrasive youngin' in no mood for dirty looks. God why'd there have to be so many options? Pink boxes, purple ones, bright yellow insisting it worked the fastest. The heavy fluorescent lights were no help at all, it made your head spin. You had no time for this crap. In a sweeping motion you grabbed three different brands and threw them into your basket, all you needed was….where was your wallet? Shit... Glancing around you checked for any nearby cameras or staff. Karma be damned, it was an emergency! Five finger discount it was. 

Once again you made a mad dash back to the record store as the sun finally set. All three boxes were crumpled in your hand, your boots running so fast it you hit a rock that'd be it.

But getting back to the record store was your best bet. You weren't about to pee in some dirty, old, nasty pharmacy bathroo- oh fuck. There was something that finally slowed your steps, nearly making you trip in the process. Four bikes parked right outside. Three of which were occupied by by Dwayne, David and Marko all talking amongst themselves.

Shiiiit, shit, shit! All you could do was swear repeatedly. Before they could spot you, you practically dove into the alleyway behind the store, rapidly disabling the alarm. If that went off it'd be a dead giveaway. Quickly you looked left and right before you slammed the door shut behind you still trying to catch air.

But there, right past the door to the employees lounge, over by the counter you could see a mass of blonde hair chatting away with Iona about Led Zeppelin's best album to date. Paul, gorgeous as every, laughing. It made your heart flutter, but then it sank. What if it was a-... He was never the type to run away from a challenge. But then again, a kid wasn't a challenge, it was a massive ordeal. It would take a huge chunk of his life- well, afterlife! Boozing and cruising would be switched out with drowsy days and busy nights. You weren't sure if you wanted him to know if you were, it would take all that from him. Unfortunately, he must've smelled you or sonething, because immediately he turned around like a puppy being called.

"Babe," he cheered with delight, rushing over to hug you. Rather squeeze you by your hips and lift you four feet off the ground. Quickly you stuffed the skinny boxes into your back pocket, now smushed up against his chest. "Where were you? Ion's said you just bolted mid-shift, we were worried sick! Well, I mean, I was more worried though, cuz I can't stand you bein' gone, kitten."

"Well, yeah uh, I forgot something I had to get at the store, and I forgot what time I got off," you hesitated, still antsy to escape to the bathroom. Truthfully you didn't actually want to, you had to! If you could, you'd just kiss him and ride off into the night to raise some hell like you always did. But this was too big to ignore.

Paul raised a brow. You weren't known for being this jumpy. You wouldn't look him in the eyes, they just kept darting towards the bathroom. Boy, you really did look sick, though. Pale, almost greenish with dark circles under your eyes. You even felt colder than usual. "Am I uh, interrupting something, babe?"

You managed to work out if his arms, giggling nervously. "Actually I-I had some of Iona's lunch earlier, and I just, gotta- be right back!"

With that, you bolted into the bathroom and slammed the door behind you. Again, weird. Paul just shrugged, maybe you had some bad Mexican.

 Iona wasn't convinced. Little miss jumpy-pants skipping out on her, you owed her an explanation. While Paul perused the albums she sunk over to the bathroom, rapidly tapping on the door. "Y/N! Psst! You good in there, hon?"

You were most certainly NOT good! Your hand shook, the third test finally finished. Not like it mattered! They all said the same thing. Every fucking one of them.

Positive. Positive. Positive.

No, no, no!

"Shit," you hissed. "Shit! Oh shit, oh fuck! Fuck-fuckity shit fuck fuck! Dammit." That's all you could do! You swore over, and over, and over, rapidly kicking the wall in front of you. Stupid pink plus! Why? Why did it have to be a plus?? Immediately you threw it in the trash and scooped up the other two. Maybe they were all flukes? Maybe only a doctor could tell you! You had to get home. Like now. Right now, you just had to rush home, make an appointment at the doctors, maybe hide in shame for a few days just until you could figure out what the hell to do with all this! Once again you wedged the tests in your back pocket and nearly tripped, cracking open the door to face your boss. "Iona, I gotta get home."

"Seriously, Y/N?? Why? What is with you?"

"Please, I swear I will make it up to you, I'll take a double shift, I'll wash your damn car-"

"Oh no, nuh-uh. Not until you tell me why you're being such a spaz," she practically shouted in a hissing whisper, absolutely exasperated. You teens and your drama, when she always said she wanted to fell young again this is NOT what she meant!  

"Listen i-... iyay amyay egnantpray," you whispered. Pig latin. It was a little code you two usually reserved for secrets. Well, that and talking smack about snotty customers. But wow was this a big ol' secret. 

Iona covered her mouth. Oh, you little idiot! You poor little idiot. Looking over at the unsuspecting boyfriend she sighed, looking you in the eyes. She wanted to just tell you to come clean to your man. The boy hung around you constantly, you two were the ultimate it-couple, there wasn't even sparks it was like watching supernovas. Something this big.. it shouldn't be left in the dark!

But that pitiful expression on your face just begged her to keep quiet, and frankly it wasn't her place to tell you what to do- well, at least in this regard. "Alright, alright. This saturday you're taking my night time shift, there's a big concert I wanna go to. And you gotta wax my car, it's gettin' nasty. And you better write the best damn apology note in the history of apology notes, sweetie. This is huge, you better come clean to him eventually, or I'll kick your little butt you hear me?"

"Yes. Absolutely, fine, deal. Just please, please keep him busy, I'm not ready to tell him," you whined, clutching the door. Frankly it sounded like a piss poor plan, but it couldn't be helped, not right now at least. You didn't have the strength to confront the situation head on, you were barely keeping it together. You wanted to cry all over, jump into his arms and come clean now, but this was neither the time or place.

As soon as Iona went to go over to Paul you stuffed the tests into your purse and bolted out the back door, only this time stealth was not on your side. Right at the mouth of the alleyway, just as you were about to be home free- you ran smack dab into a particularly lithe blonde that felt like a brick wall. You went flying onto the ground, your purse crashing onto concrete with a hundred pieces of your privacy going every direction. In a panic you began to rapidly stuff it all back, barely able to hide the first two tests as you threw some half baked apology Marko's way. Honestly he deserved a better one than that, but you were too frazzled to be fair at the moment.

"Oh shit, Y/N," Marko exclaimed, immediately kneeling down to help you gather the scattered remains of your purse. "Sorry, I didn't even see you, I was coming back for a smoke. Big Ed is such a douche, can you believe theres no smoking on the-..." His words trailed off, and you shortly saw why. Grasped between his pointer finger and thumb was the little pink strip, and a look of complete disbelief. All you could do was snatch it from him, a heavy moment of silence magically muffling the wild noise and shouts of the busy boardwalk. 

"Do...D-Don't worry about it. Look, I gotta get home, I'll see you arou-," you started, trying to jump up, maybe catch him off guard and make a run for it. Not this time. 

You hadn't even noticed he grabbed your wrist, it was such a blur. He stayed silent, standing up and looking right into your eyes with hidden malcontent. You swore if you answered wrong this mischievous cat would tear your throat out. After all, you were his best friend's girl. If you did anything, ANYTHING, to hurt him... Well, let's just say a pregnancy would be the least of your worries. "Why are you running, Y/N? What the hell is this thing," he asked quietly, eyes flickering between red and blue. "Did you…?"

"Oh don't fuckin' even," You snapped, smacking his arm, yanking your hand out of his grasp. "Of course not! You butt! God, are you serious? What do you take me for- No! I- fuck I just- no!" You kick the tin trash can beside you, watching a plethora of trash fly into the air. "I am freaking out! Of course it's Paul's. Oh fucking god, it's Paul's and I don't know what to do!"

Marko's expression softened, placing a hand on your shoulder. "Hey, I didn't mean to make it sound like that, Y/N. Paul's my friend, I just had to be sure you weren't sneaking around, you know?"

You sighed, pushing back your mess of a hair with misty eyes. This was perfect, a real big screw up from start to finish. All you could do was look over at Marko with pleading eyes. "You can't tell him yet. Please, just please please PLEASE, Marko, don't tell Paul yet!"

"Tell me what, babe?"

Shit. Shit on a stick. You looked behind to see Paul halfway out the back door with a look of concern, one that he rarely carried. You and your dumb mouth, go figure.

The blonde pushed through and let the door close behind him, looking over at his best bud standing alone with his girlfriend who was begging him to keep something secret, from him no less.

 "Marko?"

"Nah, nah, don't look at me man, this is all on you guys," he sighed, hands up in a shielding motion. "Good luck buddy. Gotta go, Y/N." with that the young vampire excused himself from this melting pot of drama, hands stuffed in his pockets. 

You just stood there, keeping the little strip tightly grasped behind your back. Paul was silent, but glancing at his hands you saw they were balled so tight his knuckles were white. "P-paul…," you hesitated, biting down on your bottom lip. "I should really… get home.."

Paul only raised a brow, glancing at your arms still tucked behind you. This wasn't like you to hide from him, and that alone frightened him. Nothing had ever frightened him before. And he didn't like the taste of it one bit. "What's behind your back, babe?"

"What?"

Again his spoke, this time his voice lowered into a low growl. "What... do you have... behind your back, babe?" The way he said it was so firm, it made you shake a little. You didn't like stern Paul. They way he hissed the word "babe", practically spoken through clenched teeth

Your throat ached, eyes darting across the ground struggling to think up a good excuse. Anything. A book, your purse, a surprise for him! Anything!

"N-nothing." Apparently, you failed to find any excuses. Great.

Paul's knuckles began to crack, jumping forward to try and snatch it from behind you. When you dodged him, he grew even more furious. You both began to struggle, pushing him away, insisting he just stop and let you leave. But every attempt to reject him only upset him further. Why were you hiding things from him?! How could you just ditch him at the record store when he was worried sick about you??

The struggle built up until finally he had enough. His eyes turned white with rings of fire, brow looming heavily over his eyes and fangs jutting out where his incisors once were. In a flash he grabbed you by you wrists, pinning you so hard to the wall it shook. You still tried to struggle. Thrash, kick, squirm! Steel wished it could be so strong, your muscles ached. This probably wasn't even his full strength, but it dwarfed you in comparison. This terrifying side of Paul you had certainly seen before, but never had you been on the receiving end. It was in all sense of the word, predatorial. He'd never try to kill you, but you still felt that horror build up inside. Rapid, sharp breaths made your chest heave, too afraid to look up at those red eyes still fixated on whatever you kept hidden from him. He continued to pry your stubborn fingers open, ignoring your shaking whimpers. He squoze your wrist, the tendons aching and contracting until your fingertips began to lift up. Any resistance was pretty much useless at this point, but dammit you still tried everything to worm out of his grip. But he had finally had it, you weren't gonna be keeping secrets from him. Now your last finger was pushed off, and he could see what was so damn important that you physically fought him to keep it secret. It was almost slow motion the way the strip spun to the ground, clattering down and landing beside his mud caked boots. He froze, slowly looking down at it. That's it? That's all you-...

You could barely read his face, so many different emotions flashing across it all at once. Occasionally he'd look back up at you, then back down at it. To the point you almost got annoyed that you were still being stuck to a wall while the reality set in. After all, it didn't take a rocket scientist to know what that was, just put you down already!

Paul looked at you still pinned beneath him, horrified at how he lost his temper and immediately released you. Still rubbing away the pain across your wrists, you watched him pick it up. A wave of guilt swarmed your body, you didn't know whether to hug him or punt him in the chest.

Hell, a massive tidal wave of guilt overflowed him too. It'd been such a long time since he got that angry.. but worst of all he'd never been like that with you. Never grabbed you so forcefully and ignored your pleas, it was a dark side of him he never wanted to display in front of you. Glancing at the little pink plus at the end of the stick, his mind swirled with a plethora of questions. But slowly he stood up, looking down at you still really trying to process everything that had happened in the past few minutes. "I don't… I don't understand.."

"You- You are such an ass," you shouted out of nowhere, enough that it made him jump. There you were. That's the fiery girl he knew, not the one he exactly wanted to be on the opposing side of at the moment, though.

Paul wasn't surprised you were pissed, but he definitely didn't expect you to start punching his arm. Again. Then again, and again you just kept hiting his arms, his chest, pushing and crying, you were so mad you wanted to chuck him in the ocean! It didn't really hurt that much, but he felt awful he drove you to that point.

Tears blurred your vision as you lashed out on him. All you could do was yell names between sobs, even whack him with your purse. "Paul, you absolute jerk! Butt! Jackass! You smarmy, half wit, blood-sucking tool! You said you were packing blanks, you absolute liar! I was gonna tell yo-! I mean, I know I shouldn't have run-! But you just couldn't wait- and then Marko- and you! You ! Jerk ! Butthead !"

"Hey, ow! Ow! Ow, dammit! I know, I know I went to far-ow not the hair dammit," he demanded, grabbing your arms before you could lay another mighty blow. "Babe! Babe, stop! I thought I was! I swear I didn't know- I-..I never thought that I could get you...." His hands slowly released your shoulders, moving to your hips. "I'm so sorry, baby. I swear, I didn't know.. I'm so sorry."

The way his voice softened only made you want to cry more. This whole day was a mess. You didn't mean to try and run.. You never should've tried to in the first place. God, you were so tired. All this running around, all this secrecy, the fighting, it was exhausting. Paul was the last person you wanted to fight. Sure you had spats and a few heated arguments. Every couple did, even vampires. But this, it was just so.m draining. With a firm thud you plopped your forehead on his sternum, your fingers tightly clinging to the upper sleeves of his jacket. "Wh-what am I supposed to do-… what are we supposed to do now..?"

Paul pondered his options with a solemn face, but there was only one that made him happy. Only one that sat right in his heart. What else could he possibly do, there was only ever going to be one answer even if you told him right away. Most of all, he couldn't stand the sorrow in your eyes. A frown never suited such a beautiful face. He never expected there to be anything to come from your heavy sexcapades, it never seemed like there was any risks in it. He'd never seen a vampire munchkin, least of all he'd never even heard of a vamp conceiving with a human. All he knew now is you, crying in his arms, terrified of what you were carrying. What it could mean. In that moment, he steeled his resolve and came to a final decision.

Silently he tilted your chin up, using his thumb to brush away all those tears staining your cheeks. Those blue eyes, you could get lost in them. Swallowed up by the sea. It wasn't hard to read his mind when he held onto your hip with one hand, while the other that pushed away salty droplets now cupped your cheek. Within moments you crashed your mouth into his, wrapping your arms around the back of his neck.

Warm. A surge of heat filled your body. It was the first time you felt truly alive all day. You could feel your chest heave against his, you didn't want any space between the two of you and only pressed tighter until there wasn't anything left. Each kiss gave momentary breath before you dove in for more. Neither of you could stop. You didn't want to pull away, not even for a split second. The way he smelled, the way he tasted, the way he touched you, the way he felt beneath your fingers; it made your head spin. His hands began to wander, you clutched at anything you could get a hold of. Your body burned, so sweet and long. In those moments the world stopped, it just melted away in streams of light. No one was there but you two. 

It was over too soon, both of you rapidly panting for breath still intertwined. Oh, how you could stare into his eyes forever.

That frown was long gone, replaced by a tender smile. The one he had come to cherish. Paul chuckled softly, breathlessly nuzzling against your collar bone. Slowly he leaned in close to your ear, his disheveled blonde hair brushing up against your cheeks. Lips trailed up flesh, reavhing just beneath your ear. And then you heard those three forbidden words. Such sweet, tender words, you hadn't expected him to say. Although he whispered them so softly they might have gotten lost in the wind, to you they were as clear as the moon on a cloudless night.

"Y/N.... I love you."

It made your heart throb, you thought you might even faint. A lifetime of struggles led up to this beautiful moment. You never expected it to be a half-undressed heavy make out session with your vampire lover, the father of your unborn spawn, in the back alley of a record store on the Santa Carla Boardwalk. But here you were, nestled between him and an old brick wall. Paul loved you, he had said it, he finally said those words that could destroy any doubt you had. And more than anything in the whole wide world, you knew once and for all, you loved Paul.

[shivercloud]

A little trouble never hurt anybody (Loki x reader one shot soulmate AU) part.1

Warnings: a little bit of fluff. And lots of cussing.

Summary: Loki and reader soulmate AU. you were recruited as an Avenger and an agent of Shield you were vicious and NO ONE messed with you. you were vicious yet caring and could be kind you were a tom-boy. Unfortunately, your soulmate happened to be the Trickster Loki Laufeyson/odinson whom you hated since he had killed your whole family in the whole New York incident, his very existence irked you, you wished him dead. But things change once your soulmark appears on your arm. After he escaped the Asgardian dungeon and took over Asgard. So Thor brought him back to Midgard and He was being punished by having to be an Agent of Shield against his will and being under 24/7 surveillance which you hated, you didn't see him ever since you avoided him and shot him a glare every time you DID see him.

Powers and abilities: you are half Asgardian so long life span, stronger then Midgardians, heal faster than Midgardians. You are a master assassin even better then Natasha was also kept in the red room but never had graduation since your younger and your parents found you and took you out before Natasha was graduated. You have the ability to control fire.

Onto the story.....

It was a normal day at the Avengers compound and it was 4 years since New York and almost everybody had a soulmate but you didn't you were thinking to yourself as the sun shone into your bedroom "am I EVER gonna get a soulmate? Will I forever be alone? Why can't I have a soulmate!? I don't want to be ALONE FOREVER!"

You get out of your bed in a pout and change into a pair of ripped jeans and a t-shirt and put your hair up in a ponytail and did your usual morning stuff and then went to the living room.

You saw everyone with their soulmates which made you envious and Tony asks "still no soulmark?" You pull up your sleeve and say grumpily "nope, I'm gonna die alone if only I wasn't half Asgardian, I hate my life and I hate well hated my Dad" Tony says "[Name] we all know you don't or didn't hate your Dad" you reply "I know, but I wish I was just 100% Midgardian, I HATE my life!"

Thor walks in and says "[Name] Being Asgardian isn't all that bad, your more advanced then Midgardians then" you reply "I DONT care! If I wasn't half Asgardian I'd be dead and wouldn't have to worry about never having a soul mate!" Thor says "if it makes you feel better, my Brother doesn't have one either" you reply "dont remind me of that nuisance and egotistical idiot! He doesn't even deserve one!"

Just then the idiot walks in and you scoff "look who's here now, the last person in the nine realms I want to see" Thor says "[Name] my brother doesn't do that anymore" you reply "I HATE his very existence, and I will NEVER forgive him he's the very reason I have absolutely no family" Thor says "[Name] I have no family either the only family I have is Loki" you reply "if you want some pity you've come to the wrong person, why don't you go get pity from your Soulmate! Being your Valkyrie girl" (Brunhilde is Thor's soulmate in this story). You stomp off to your room and shut the door and lock it.

Natasha walked into the living room and says "what was that all about?" Thor answers "Lady [Name], is upset," Natasha asks "about what now?" Tony responds "she still doesn't have a soulmark and she still hates Reindeer games" Thor adds "and I said something I shouldn't have," Natasha asks "did you bring up her family again?" Thor replies "yeah, sort of, I didn't mean to," Natasha says "you, know she's sensitive about that, we all do" Thor replies "I know, I didn't mean to upset Lady [F/N]" Natasha says "I know you didn't, I'll go talk to her."

Your POV

I went to my room angry And thought "I know I need to grow up and stop getting upset everytime someone mentions my dead family, but it's painful, remembering that and I also shouldn't get upset about not having a soulmate i'm not the only one, like sam and neither does Bucky that's it may be one of them are my soulmate, maybe Bucky is he is cute, but I don't even have a soulmark yet."

There's a knock at my door so I answer "who is it?" I hear Natasha say "it's me Nat" I respond "come in" and I unlock the door and Nat comes in and asks "you, ok [Name]?" You reply "good enough, you're lucky you have a soulmark and soulmate," Natasha says "yeah I was shocked when I found out about my soulmark" you reply "I knew that you and Banner were meant for each other."

You sigh "but, I have no one," Nat says "cheer up, I know you'll get one" you reply "I doubt it, everybody has one except me, you have Banner, Steve HAD Peggy Carter, Tony has Pepper, Thor has his valkyrie girl, Wanda has Vision, Clint has Laura, Rhodes has someone no one knows and I have no one its not fair! I don't want to die alone!"

Nat says "[Name] don't lose hope it took me about 10 years at least to find mine, and you age slower so I know you'll get someone, now come on everyone is here at the compound today, even Clint so we can do something with the team. Nat says " come on I thought we were best friends?" You reply "we are but, I'm still jealous that you have a soulmate, even if we have been through the same thing" Nat replies "yeah, I'm glad you didn't graduate."

You reply "I really wish I could've taken you with me when my parents got me out of that shit hole" Nat replies "it's fine, let's just go join the team I'll make sure you sit AWAY from Loki" you reply "fine, just I know those memories haunt you more than they haunt me, have you spoken to Bruce about it?" Nat replies "yeah, talking about it helps even if it was horrifying, but PLEASE let's go?" You reply "fine," Nat says "good, also if you ever get a soulmark, tell me," you ask "why?"

Nat responds "cause then I can help you try to figure out who it is if you won't know it by then" you respond "umm, ok," Nat says "now, come on Bruce and I will make sure you don't sit by Loki".

You respond "good, you're a good best friend" you and Nat get on your way and you say "I wish Shield wouldn't have done what they did with him" Natasha responds "we all do, except Maybe Thor."

You and Natasha go to the living room and see everybody gathered except Loki but that didn't matter anyway he and a tracking device on him and Tony says "we should do something, as a team something fun none of us are working" you ask Tony "then what do, YOU suggest?" Tony replies "hey, you finally came, I don't know 7 minutes in heaven?" You respond "HECK NO, besides everyone has a soulmate already" Tony replies "you dont, and neither do Barnes, or Wilson" you reply "Tony that game stinks and no."

Tony suggests "what about spin the bottle?" You reply "no, like I said you all have soulmates and I don't" you sigh "whatever, I'll be in the library reading until somebody, comes up with an idea of some sort, so goodbye" you leave and Tony says "she's still upset about having no soulmate isn't she?" Nat responds "I think so," Tony says "what if we tried getting Reindeer games and [Name] together?" Nat replies "no 1st of All. She hates his guts 2nd of all. he doesn't deserve my best friend 3rd of all. She doesn't even have a soulmark yet!" Tony replies "that's true, what about Barnes and her?" Nat points out "she and him no and like I already said, she doesn't even have a soulmark" Tony says "that's why we could experiment, because usually, you have to have some chemistry with your soulmate before the soulmark appears" Nat says "no, I think we should Let her do that herself."

Just then Nat's phone rings and she sees its fury calling and says "I have to take this it's Fury, probably a mission" Nat leaves the room and answers the phone and Fury says "Agent Romanoff?" Nat responds "yes, Director?" Fury replies "I have a mission for you, Agent [L/N], and Laufeyson well Agent Laufeyson" Nat responds "but [Name] hates Loki and I dont blame her" fury responds through the phone "that's why your there otherwise it'd just be them, im well aware of her hatred for him and I don't like him either, but, this mission requires him and her and you to make sure [Name] doesn't try to kill him or he try to kill her."

Nat says into the phone "i'll go get them and you can let us know our mission" Fury responds through the phone "ok" Natasha says "I'll put you on hold Fury."

Your POV

I just went to the library and grabbed a book and sat down just then I heard someone walk by and clear their throat and I look up from my seat and see Loki so I give him a sarcastic grin and then look back down to my book and cross my legs on top each other in a comfortable position and I hear Loki say "excuse me?" I ignore him and he says again in a more annoyed tone "excuse me!?" I growl and look up to him and ask "what!?" I look back down and he says "excuse me, mortal?!"

I snap my head up to him and snap "what?! And I am NOT Mortal sadly, I wish I was but I'm not, now WHAT do you want, your highness?" The last part was dripping with sarcasm Loki says "your sitting in my seat" I reply "well, boohoo, get lost because I don't give a fuck! You royal arrogant asshole!"

Loki responds "fine, then I'll sit there" he points to the seat next to me which I quickly put my legs onto and say "NOPE! That's reserved Loki says " oh, really? For who?" I respond "for my legs are you blind?" Loki throws my legs off but I kick him in the face and say innocently but with sarcasm "oops, didn't know that was your face, sorry."

I get up but Loki stops me by trapping me against the bookshelf and asks "why do you hate me so much?" I reply "easy, your arrogant, egotistical, selfish and a jackass!" I try to escape but Loki doesn't let me and Loki says "really, I know it's not just that" I reply "alright, you wanna know the rest then fine, you killed my family mercilessly easy because of your a jackass and a monster."

I snap "now LET ME GO! Or you'll regret it!" Loki replies "please i'm a god, you couldn't harm me in the slightest way" I challenge "oh, really, you think you're better than everyone?" I ignite my hands on fire and squeeze his wrists burning him and I question him "hurts, doesn't it?" Loki tries giving me a straight face but winces in pain and I smirk in satisfactory "I thought so."

He moves so I can escape and winces in pain and rubs his arm so he's no longer trapping me and I flip him off and say "Fuck you little bastard!" I throw my hair that came out of the ponytail over my shoulder and I leave to get a new book since I finished the one I was reading.

Loki's thoughts after that: "I like this Mortal, she's vicious and beautiful also fun to mess with she's feisty, just for a woman she dresses weirdly, no make-up at least I think. boyish- but still girlish yet clothing, no jewellery and a very strange attitude."

I grabbed a new book and went back to the soft bean bags and saw he was sitting on the one I was on before so I give him a glare and he just smirks while reading his book and he has his legs on the other one so I give him an unimpressed expression and he smirks while reading I pull the second beanbag out from under his legs and I 'accidentally' kick him in the crotch.

And he groans in pain and glares at me in pain still and I smirk and say innocently "oops" and I take the beanbag and sit away from him and just when I open my book and start reading i'm interrupted by Natasha which slightly ticks me off.

3rd POV

Natasha says to you "[Name], we have a mission" you groan and place your bookmark in the book and put it on the ground beside you and ask "what is it?" Nat responds "we need Loki as well unfortunately and luckily you two were in the same place at the same time" you say to Nat "I don't think that asshole can hear you."

Nat sighs and you shout "hey bozo!" Loki looks up from his book and glares at you and you shout "yeah, you idiot murderer, with hideous clothing" Loki glares and stays in his spot so you roll your eyes and say "get your ass over here!" Loki growls angrily and comes over and asks "what is so important that you MUST bother me while I read?! Weak Mortal!" You shout for the hundredth time "is not mortal you little shit I'm only half I wish I were completely mortal but I'm not so, shut the fuck up! There's something important to discuss."

Loki scoffs "fine, what?" Natasha puts her phone off hold and says "I suggest that we go to the table" so the three of you go to the table in the library and Natasha puts her phone on speakerphone and says "hello, Fury I've got them here now" Fury says through the phone "ok, well this is an important mission, the mission is there is a terrorist boat full of dangerous weapons and illegal weapons, a small shipment but still and I need the three of you to stop it from making it to the destination and I need you three to destroy them, but however there are hostages aboard the ship which you need to save and stop the shipment do whatever it takes to save the innocents and stop the shipments."

You ask "and why do we need the idiot to help out? Not like he'll be any use to us, why not just Nat and I?" Fury responds through the phone "it's too dangerous for just you two" you ask "then why not replace the idiot with someone I dont know..... Useful?" Fury replies "quit your complaining, you sound like a child and it'll either be just you and Laufeyson or the three of you your choice."

You groan and say "well Fury, I'm sorry as much as I like killing bad guys and saving good peoples lives I am gonna have to respectfully decline and putting bad guys where they belong" you shoot Loki a death glare and Fury says "well, too bad you dont have a choice, any other complaints?" Loki says "yes, I can't do this with HER, so I refuse," Fury says "too damn bad Laufeyson, we technically own you and if we didn't you'd be dead, a Quinjet sill be there soon to pick the three of you up an take you to shield HQ to get your equipment and Romanoff you need to check and take save any Shield intel, I expect all of you to put your hatred aside and work as a team, Romanoff is mainly there so [L/N] doesn't murder Laufeyson or the other way around, get ready the Quinjet should be there in a an hour, which'll leave you three with approximately 2 hours once you reach the destination to stop these weapons from reaching their destination."

With that Fury hangs up and all evidence of that conversation is erased automatically you say to Natasha "Nat?" She asks "what?" You reply "let's spar, I NEED to train a bit and blow off some steam" Natasha replies "I'm sorry [F/N] I can't I wanted to spend time with Bruce and the team" you reply "ugh, ok, then I'll train by myself."

Nat says "sorry, you might hate me for even suggesting this, but spar with him," you say in disbelief "heck no!" Loki says "and I refuse to train well spar with YOU, of all people."

You leave the library along with Nat and you go to your room and quickly go to the training room alone and you sigh unhappily once you get to the training room and you go over to the punching beg.

Using the right gear, you punch it hard and fast repeatedly in a frustrated way and while you're beating up the punching bag you think "ok, actually now I wouldn't mind sparring with Loki, it might be fun to beat the shit out of him, but I'm pretty sure he meant it when he refused" you hear someone walk in and say "I didn't think that the poor thing hurt you" you look and see Loki and you can't help but laugh quietly.

Loki comments "is that laughter I hear?'" You respond in a vicious tone "shut up, why are you here anyway?" Loki replies "because I changed my mind, I'll spar with you" you reply "well, it's too late now" Loki responds "are you sure now?" You reply "ok, fine, but dont get mad if I kick your ass" you leave the punching bag and go over to Loki

Loki says "you won't be able to kick my ass" you reply "sure, sure DONT underestimate me," Loki says "I won't but dont underestimate me either" you reply "weapons or magic?" Loki says "you know magic?" You reply "a bit yes and I can control fire, long-story-short my Dad whom you murdered mercilessly was Asgardian and taught me some Asgardian Magic," Loki asks "do you know how to do illusions?" You reply "not really, I mainly know Asgardian fighting and earth fighting and I can use fire magic."

You make a little flame dance on your hand and then make a little fire Cat appear on your hand and Loki says "that's actually fascinating" you reply "umm thanks? I guess" Loki replies "I'm sorry" you respond "for what?" Loki replies "for everything" you respond "are you ok?" Loki shrugs and answers "perhaps not" you reply "ok, well lets spar I want to get some training done before we have to leave for the mission and you better not screw it up."

Loki replies "more, like you better not" you growl basically and say in a competitive tone "lets spar," Loki says "ok, but weapons or magic?" You reply "just weapons, you're probably crappy with a weapon" Loki replies "oh, really? I don't do just magic, I do daggers as well and not to brag but I'm quite skilled with them" you reply sarcastically "sure."

Loki says "you'll see" you reply "what kind of weapons?" Loki asks "what weapons do you normally use?" You reply "my skills and shield weapons, but when I trained with my Dad I used small blades or well small knives, similar to daggers but different, but if I'm gonna use it I need to go get it" Loki replies "ok, well hurry, I'll just be waiting here."

You leave and quickly go to your room and you go to the drawer that you had it in and unfold it from the cloth you wrapped it in and took it out of the sheath and stroked your finger on it and say to yourself "Dad, mom brother, I'm sorry I would take this opportunity to kill him but I can't, everybody would notice, one day I WILL avenge all of you, I WILL kill him just not now, I'll at least get some of his blood shed onto here."

You put it back into its sheath and go to the training room and you see Loki waiting for you to return patiently and he gets up when you reach and you ask "don't you need your dagger" he uses his magic and makes one appear and says "I already have one."

You attack Loki without warning and just barely miss his arm and he laughs and mocks "you missed" you cuss "crap" and ask "you've got good reflexes huh?" you add "well, I've got better Reflexes" Loki lunges an attack on you but you avoid it and twist his hand around so his own weapon is pointing at his own throat and Loki says "maybe, I did underestimate you, I'm not gonna go easy on you now" you reply "ok, that's fine."

You and Loki spar for almost an hour both with scratches when you cut his cheek and make him bleed and he says "impressive, it's not easy to draw blood, but then again your half Asgardian" he wipes it off but it keeps on bleeding and he cuts your arm slightly leaving a tiny cut.

Natasha walks in and says "you two, quintet just got here let's go, so quickly change and then come on I'll be waiting by the door that leads outside" you nod and you say to Loki "you might wanna clean up that wound" Loki replies "I know" you and Loki leave and you say "as much as I hate saying this, your.... Decent at sparring" Loki replies "as much as I hate to say it as well, so are you."

You reply "ugh, I hate myself for this so much but, maybe we should spar again sometime, ugh your... A good sparring partner" Loki replies stiffly "I agree and so are you."

You and Loki go two different directions and you think "Dad, Mom, Big Brother I am SO sorry I know I shouldn't be making friends with the enemy, I am SO deeply, sincerely sorry, I've failed but I swear on my life I WILL avenge you, all of you, at least I'll try."

You quickly change out of your gym clothes and put deodorant and perfume on you gather some of your equipment since most of it was at shield HQ and you go and find Natasha waiting and she asks "where is he?" You reply "I have no idea, I dont keep fucking tabs on him!" Nat says "woah, sorry [Name] calm down."

Loki comes and sighs and says "let's get this over with" you see he's wearing his armour and say "you are SUCH An idiot!" Loki looks confused at you and asks "what did I do?" You reply "you can't go on a SHIELD mission in THAT!" Loki challenges "oh and why not?!" You facepalm and ask "have you been on ANY Shield missions at ALL?!" Loki responds "no" you reply "of, course you haven't, well what you're wearing it attracts WAY too much attention, working fo Shield you need something that doesn't attract attention but I'm sure shield has something for you to wear."

Natasha says "[Name] is right you can't wear that on a shield mission, it attracts too much attention but I'm sure Fury has something," you say to Nat "he's probably going to have to wear something like what Clint wears" Natasha replies "probably," Loki says "I'm still here and I REFUSE to wear something like that" you reply "your gonna have to."

You, Nat and unfortunately Loki board the Quinjet and fly off to Shield HQ on your way you say to Natasha "It feels like I haven't been on a mission in forever" Natasha replies "yeah, it has been a while" you reply "missions are my life, I've missed them, I'm never gonna give up my life working for Shield, its the best" Nat replies "yeah, Shield is nice they give everyone a second chance."

Loki just sits silently and looks at the ground and asks "how do you two get along so well?" You reply "we're best friends and we went through the same thing."

---------time skip----------

The three of you reach HQ and the door opens and the three of you get off and go in and go to the equipment room and Fury walks in and says "Agent [L/N], it's been a while, one of our top agents its good to see you and Romanoff good see you as well, I see Laufeyson actually came, figured he'd escape somehow" you reply "I'm shocked as well and it's good to see you, director" Fury says "Laufeyson, we, have some equipment for you, seeing as you dont have anything other than your Asgardian armour which will attract too much attention, its still your style but it's dark colours that won't attract attention, follow me Agent Laufeyson."

Loki follows after Fury, while you and Nat get your equipment and once you two have equipment on Loki returns and you can't help but look him up and town and take in how good he looks once you notice he notices you look at your shoes and Nat says "let's go."

-------------time skip-------------

You reach your destination and Natasha says "[L/N], Laufeyson both of you to save the hostages and then destroy the illegal weapons if possible you nod and Loki asks Natasha " why do you get to make the orders here?" Natasha replies "I have way more experience that's why now while I go save any Shield intel and you two NEED to work together, [L/N] you get to give Laufeyson orders" you nod and Loki grits his teeth together angrily and Natasha goes on.

Loki growls quietly "why must I listen to YOU?!" You reply "easy you've never been out in the field and I have, therefore I have more experience, now shut up and stop complaining you sound like a little boy" Loki spits "EXCUSE ME?!" You say nothing but saying "we're supposed to work as a team so just Fucking listen to me PLEASE" Loki scoffs "Fine."

.....later.....

You and Loki find the hostages but see that they're heavily guarded and you whisper to Loki "we need to do whatever it takes to get in their Laufeyson, which means you can kill the bad guys but not, the victims."

He nods and says "I'll go the other direction" you give him a thumbs up and he goes and you go and you both bust the doors down and you attacked by a bunch of guys but burn some of them and kill them by throwing them at the wall with force and snapping there necks another one attacks you and your hand is on flame and you put it on there throat and burn a hole hearing gurgling sound and they fall lifeless to the floor.

Loki says "and you call me merciless" you hiss "shut up" and you speak into your ear com "we've got the hostages, we need someone to come and get them" you hear Agent Hill on the other end "someone will be there right away" you reply "ok."

you and Loki untie the hostages and get rid of their gags and they look scared so you reassure them "someone will be here to get all of you home soon" they all nod and soon a Quinjet large enough for them arrives with one of the shield agents that you recognize but don't remember the name of and after all the innocents get on board they fly away.

Natasha finds you and Loki and asks "the victims are safe?" You nod and she says "well now, we need to destroy those weapons."

You nod and all go to where the weapons are located and find a jackpot you say "if we want to do this the easy way I could just burn this ship down, my fire is so strong that they'll melt" Nat says "check if that's allowed" you nod and say into your com "can I just burn this place down?" You hear Fury "yes, but do it once a ride comes I'll send one immediately."

A few minutes later a Quinjet arrives and you set the weapons on fire you're all on your way out when someone puts something on your mouth and nose and you pass out seeing Natasha ln the Quinjet and no sign of Loki.

After that, it was all black.

[buffywatching]

also um here’s some Important Lyrics stuff under the cut (basically just lyrics from the songs that I thought fit really well and i wanted to show off lol)

(now sorted from the start - end of their relationship!)

Fool — Frankie Cosmos [Once I was happy / You found it intriguing / Then you got to me / And left me waiting]

Can I Call You Tonight? — Dayglow [I hear your voice on the phone / Now I'm no longer alone / Just how I feel / Could you tell me what's real anymore? / 'Cause I wouldn't know]

Vampire Banquet — Fox Academy [Ivory ceilings / Burgundy walls / There's blood I can feel it / As we float through the halls / And as I start to spin /The whole room gets dim]

HYD — Hayley Williams [How your eyes are shut so you cannot see / Just how very close I keep you to me / And in that dark little place you have made / You'd swear all these pretty clouds are gray] • [I know it's hard for you to take a compliment / But my life began the day which you came in it]

Just Like Heaven — The Cure ["Why are you so far away?", she said / "Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you? / That I'm in love with you?"]

The Only Exception — Paramore [And I've always lived like this / Keeping a comfortable distance / And up until now, I had sworn to myself / That I'm content with loneliness / Because none of it was ever worth the risk]

When You Sleep — my bloody valentine [When I look at you / Oh, I don't know what's real / Once in a while / And you make me laugh / And I'll sleep tomorrow / And it won't be long]

Cuffing Season — Beach Bunny [Maybe we are getting too close / Paranoid permanence is just an empty promise / Sometimes I like being on my own / I'm afraid of winding up alone]

Decode — Paramore [The truth is hiding in your eyes / And it's hanging on your tongue / Just boiling in my blood / But you think that I can't see / What kind of man that you are / If you're a man at all] • [There is something I see in you / It might kill me, but I want it to be true]

Sometimes — My Bloody Valentine [Close my eyes, feel me how / I don't know, maybe you could not hurt me now / Here alone, when I feel down too / Over there, when I await true love for you / You can hide, oh now, the way I do / You can see, oh now, oh the way I do]

Hot Venom — Miniature Tigers [Her venom makes me strong / Stronger than I am on my own / Before too long, I'll wake up to it gone / Wondering how I ever was happy] • [You can't go back now; that's not how this works / And as long as she's gone, I can never be happy]

Under My Skin — Jukebox The Ghost [I can feel your heart beating under my skin / And the beating of your heart is making me bleed from within / And if we cut open your heart, pour it in a cup / Do you think it'd be enough?]

Mx. Sinister — I Don’t Know How But They Found Me [Oh, you never seem to notice when I follow you home / In the dark of your apartment when you think you’re alone] • [What will it take? What else should I do? / How far must I go to prove that I love you?]

Maple Syrup — The Backseat Lovers [I still have your picture on the wall / I still have the nightmares where I / Would have to call you to calm down] • [Did it hurt / when I kicked you to the curb? / Now I’m all alone / I guess I’ll never learn] • [I saw you dancin' at the show tonight / I stood in the back, and I think that we both know why]

Ignorance — Paramore [This is the best thing that could have happened / Any longer and I wouldn't have made it / It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture / I'm just a person, but you can't take it] • [ The same tricks that, that once fooled me / They won't get you anywhere / I'm not the same kid from your memory /Well, now I can fend for myself]

As the World Caves In — Matt Maltese [We creep up on extinction / I pull your arms right in / I weep and say goodnight love / While my organs pack it in]

Cannibal Queen — Miniature Tigers [I searched through their hearts and no treasure I found / I'm so lucky this one lets dogs hang around / It's good having somebody good for a change / I thought that no good, dirty cheats had drove me insane / I had finally given up on love and romance / If I lay down the sword, I'm giving my innocence] • [Oh, she lets me right in and I'm fed till I'm full / If something goes wrong I'm accountable / Oh, a life without her is no life at all]

haunt me (x 3) — Teen Suicide [I wanna be haunted /I won’t leave my bed / I won’t go crazy and / I won’t get sad]

Feeling Sorry — Paramore [Well, I tried not to think of what might happen / When your reality, it finally cuts through / Well, as for me, I got out and I'm on the road / The worst part is that this, this could be you] • [ You know it too, you can't run from your shame / You're not getting any younger / Time keeps passing by, but you wave it away / It's time to roll over]

The Spirit or the Curse — Current Joys [Don't fight, it visits every time and it hates me / That night I knew you'd never die, you'd just change me / Oh far, the curse will fall apart / The curse will fall apart / But the spirit stays buried in my heart]

((i’ll add more to this whenever I add more songs)) (updated: 09/12/21)

okay i caved.. who wants my very tiny very emo bangel playlist