#i know it’s all gonna work out fine but I kind of just want a day off. which sounds dumb but like what I mean
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sassytommykinard · 2 days ago
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Tommy with a headache being pampered by Buck. Maybe featuring a purring old rescue cat with the dumbest possible name you can come up with.
Okay, dear. I hope this works for you. 😊
Buck’s just pulling the laundry out of the dryer when his phone goes off in his pocket. Straightening, he pulls it out and sees it’s a text from Lucy.
Hey, you may wanna come get your boy. He’s got a migraine and is pretending he doesn’t.
Damn. Buck had thought Tommy looked a little off this morning, but he’d insisted he was fine, just tired. Figures he’d have a migraine coming on. He doesn’t get them often, but when he does, they’re a doozy.
On my way, he texts back. He doesn’t even bother changing out of his sweatpants and hoodie he’s actually pretty sure is Tommy’s. He doesn’t know anymore, since moving in together, their clothes have become mixed with no room to figure it out. He tells Nugget to behave as he walks out the door.
He gets to Harbor forty-five minutes later to see Tommy leaning against a wall, still in his LAFD pants and t-shirt. Buck would take a second to stare at his arms if he didn’t look so miserable. Lucy waves at him from where she seems to be holding Tommy up while also nudging Tommy in the shoulder. When he looks up at Buck, he manages a smile but Buck can see his face is pinched in pain and he’s squinting in the sunlight. He grabs the extra pair of sunglasses in the glove compartment and hops out.
“Hey baby,” he says sympathetically as he gently fits the sunglasses over Tommy’s eyes. “Did you feel this bad this morning?”
“It kind of started this morning,” Tommy admits. “But I hoped it wouldn’t get worse.”
“You so stubborn,” he says, rolling his eyes at Lucy who matches it with a smirk. “Come on, let’s get you home and into bed.”
Tommy goes without argument, or even snarky comment about being coddled, so Buck knows he must feel like shit.
Once they’re home, he gently pulls Tommy out of the jeep and gets him into the house, sitting him on the end of the bed.
“Do you want pajamas?” Buck asks softly, knowing loud noises can make it worse.
“No,” Tommy says. “Clothes off.”
“Okay,” Buck answers. He helps Tommy gets out of his t-shirt and pants, leaving him in only boxer briefs and as Tommy lays back against the pillows, Buck rushes around and closes all the blinds in the room. “Cool compress at least?”
“Yeah,” Tommy whispers, though Buck can see the pain in his face lightening a little as the room darkens. “That would be good.”
Buck leans down and kisses his forehead before going into the en-suite bathroom to dampen a washcloth. Working his way back into the bedroom, he places it gently on Tommy’s forehead just as Nugget hops on the bad.
“Hey, bud,” Buck says to the ancient cat. They’ve worked up a tentative truce since he moved in, but the cat is definitely devoted to his person.
He watches as Nugget curls up against Tommy’s side as Tommy curls a hand on the cat’s stomach, giving him a little scritch.
Buck smiles, leans down and kisses his forehead again. “Get some rest.”
“Mmm, where you goin’,” Tommy mutters.
“I was gonna go finish the laundry,” Buck answers, running a hand through his hair. “I kind of left it all in the laundry room.”
“Lay with me,” Tommy says and there’s a tiny note of pleading in his voice and damn, this man has him wrapped around his finger.
“Okay,” Buck whispers. He settles in on the other side so he and Nugget are bracketing him and Tommy sighs contentedly.
“Love you,” Tommy says as he drifts off and Buck smiles.
“Love you too.”
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t3a-tan · 2 days ago
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Silent But Friendly
A what-if story about what would happen if Oliver met borrower James wayyyy before they actually did
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They are in silence; though not the uncomfortable stuffy kind, rather a very peaceful quietness that surrounded the dinner table. His uncle worked late most weekends, and so that left Oliver and his aunt to eat alone on that Saturday afternoon.
It was macaroni and cheese tonight— one of Oliver's favourites. He even helped in the kitchen to chop the tomatoes and grate the cheese; aunt Charlie was 7 months pregnant after all and he wanted to do his best to help out.
As he finished his portion he placed his knife and fork together on the table before making eye contact with his aunt. She was eating slowly, mostly picking at the food. Her appetite seemed all over the place during the pregnancy; sometimes Oliver saw her eating lots of snacks, and other times he saw her throwing up from the tiniest bite.
He could see in her face that she was full, though she looked determined to finish the remaining bites. Catching his eye contact, she looked up and smiled tiredly. It was a warm and kind smile; like drinking a hot chocolate in front of the fireplace in the winter. Oliver soaked in that warmth whenever it was available, and right now was no different.
“Thanks for your help in the kitchen, love. It tastes brilliant.” She praised, before sighing as she finally set her fork down. She offered a sheepish grin in his direction. “I don't think I can fit any more... D’ja think you could go put the plates in the kitchen, poppet?”
A simple task really. Oliver didn't mind doing any of his chores or extra for his aunt and uncle— not after they had taken him in and been so kind to him. And sure, he missed his parents sometimes, but it felt much more gratifying to complete a task and receive praise rather than constantly fearing punishment as he had before.
Even if he looked at his mum wrong…he could just remember the look on her eyes. It was cold and distant; like being stranded out in a snowstorm, alone and lost. Resentful.
No…he much preferred living with his aunt and uncle, no matter how many times he woke up clutching his pillow and missing the way things used to be.
Oliver nodded silently, standing up and moving all the cutlery onto her plate before stacking her plate onto his own and lifting them both. He brought them closer to his centre so they'd be easier to carry and began walking towards the kitchen only to pause as his aunt spoke up again.
“Oh— and love? Just while you're up, d’ja think you could grab me a drink of water too?”
He turned back towards her, scanning her expression for a moment and seeing that once again there was nothing but geniality in her gaze. He offered a small smile in return and nodded again. She beamed, leaning on her hand as she looked up at him.
“You are a little sweetheart, you know that?” She praised once more. Oliver averted his eyes, though internally he was very pleased by the praise. He once again only nodded in return before entering the kitchen to go put the plates by the sink.
Next, he grabbed a glass from out of the cabinet and opened the tap, first testing it with his finger to make sure it was cold before holding the glass underneath. Once it was sufficiently full he turned the tap off and returned to the table, setting the glass down in front of his aunt.
She watched him enter with a fond gaze.
“Thanks, love.”
Picking up the glass she raised it to her lips and took a few sips before coughing. Oliver's expression turned to one of worry, his lips mouthing the question he wanted to ask although no sound came out. His hands moved too, signing alongside him.
‘Are you okay?’
She saw the gesture and waved a hand dismissively, nodding a few times, though she looked a bit pale still.
“I'm fine… I'm just gonna head to the bathroom, you stay down here, okay?” She stood up slowly, and Oliver could tell just by the slight winced in her expression that she was having a bout of nausea. He shuffled closer to help her up but she gently waved off his help.
“I'm okay, I promise. Why don't you get your comfies on and I'll come in to you later to read the next chapter of Magic Tree House, hm?”
Although more hesitantly than before, Oliver nodded slowly and watched as his aunt walked up the stairs. Once she had disappeared from view he glanced back towards the kitchen.
I don't think she'll be well enough to wash up… I can do it. I'll just leave things to dry since I can't reach the cupboards.
With that thought in mind he re-entered the kitchen and approached the sink, putting some dish liquid in the washing up bowl and starting to fill it up with warm water only to jolt when a sound caught his attention.
It was faint, he hardly heard it thanks to the sound of water on water, but he still heard it. A cry. Oliver turned the tap back off, glancing around and listening for it again.
Nothing.
As he looked around for any sign of what could have made the noise— or god knows it would bother him for the entire evening— he then noticed that the cylindrical tub of oats that sat beside the other cereal was…open. The lid wasn't off all the way, laying balanced and slightly ajar.
Oliver watched it silently for a few moments, wondering how exactly it had ended up that way. He had used the oats last when he ate porridge earlier in the week, so he knew that he had closed it once he was done using it. He even remembered looking at it this morning and never noticed anything off about the lid.
Unable to come up with a plausible theory, he sought to find answers as he approached the countertop the tub of oats was on, tilting his head ever so slightly.
Is it…a mouse..? Unafraid and full of curiosity his hands gripped the base of the tub and he tilted it towards himself to peer in through the opening, the lid clattering onto the counter as he did so. He expected just…oats. Maybe a mouse or a rat.
What he didn't expect was a pair of brown eyes staring up at him through a mop of messy long black hair. There, sprawled out and covered in oat dust, was a tiny boy.
Oliver stared silently— even if he wanted to speak he was at a loss for words, simply gazing down at the boy through his glasses, his mind blanching. He tilted the tub down more just so he could get a better look, listening to the little yelp that escaped the boy as more oats rolled over him.
The walls are much too high…he must have fallen in. He could be hurt.
With that in mind, Oliver smiled reassuringly, holding one of his hands out placatingly as a gesture of goodwill before using that same hand to reach into the tub, his vision now obscured as he blindly grabbed around for the tiny boy. He had held mice before— he imagined it was the same.
His fingers closed around a squirming form and he couldn't help but wince as they did— it was a weird feeling, to hold something so small that was undoubtedly alive. Once he was sure he was holding the boy securely he lifted his hand out of the tub and let it sit upright again as he brought the squirming rescuee to his eye level.
He realised that he had carried some oats with him and saw that the raven haired boy was still struggling away, kicking and fighting and losing energy by the second. Oliver noticed that one of his legs wasn't kicking very well, but it wasn't bleeding. He opened his mouth to ask, only for the words to catch in his throat again.
He knew he could speak, but he didn't like it. Whenever he did speak it was forced and he hated the way his voice made his head and ears feel. His aunt and uncle had promised him that he didn't need to force himself to speak and were teaching him British Sign Language…but he highly doubted this random boy knew it.
None of the kids at school did. None of the teachers. They all got frustrated with him and now Oliver made sure to keep to himself, as much as he wanted to raise his hand more.
Oliver lowered his hand slightly, offering another reassuring smile that was half a grimace at the same time. He waved slowly with his free hand, trying to get the boy to stop panicking so he could attempt communication.
As his other hand raised he caught how the tiny boy's gaze immediately focused on it, going stiff and staring up at him like he was a monster. Oliver didn't let that phase him; so long as he was able to communicate his intentions, he was sure they would calm down.
He kept a gentle smile on his face, moving slowly once he noticed how easily startled they were by his movements. He mouthed his question alongside his gestures, pointing at their leg and then tilting his head as he mouthed ‘is your leg hurt'?
They continued to stare owlishly up at him, trembling. Oliver's smile faltered slightly, concern in his eyes as he repeated the movements and mouthed his question again more emphatically.
“W-why aren't you talking..?”
The tiny boy's voice definitely held fear, but it was also slightly accusatory. Oliver was used to that second part— where people thought he was weird or creepy for not speaking. He was so used to it by now that it wasn't really upsetting, though it was hard to explain without words.
Oliver shrugged and mouthed ‘I don't like talking’. The boy squinted up at him, seemingly trying to figure out what he was trying to communicate.
“You…don't like talking? O-okay…” Oliver was surprised they didn't laugh or call him weird or just ignore him as many others did. That made him smile again as he repeated his previous gestures, still trying to ask about their leg.
“O-oh…my leg..? It's fine..! So…so you can just put me down and I'll go home, yeah?” Oliver heard the hint of uncertainty in their voice and he couldn't help but frown at the thought that they didn't think he would do that in the first place. He quickly realised that his frown could be taken the wrong way though and opted for a more neutral expression.
He lowered his hand again, this time so that it was flat against the counter, nodding his head in one direction as if he was shooing the boy off of his hand with his head alone. ‘Go on. I won't keep you’. He offered another smile for good measure.
The boy didn't move for a few moments, looking around at his fingers warily as if they would snap closed on him like a bear trap. Oliver simply held still, patiently waiting, despite his many questions.
Slowly they began to scoot towards the edge of his palm, and Oliver tried his best not to react to the ticklish sensation. He watched as they fully climbed off his hand and stood up before meeting his gaze again with trepidation.
“You…you're actually letting me go..?”
Oliver nodded, smiling again as he slowly moved his hand away and turned it back over so the palm was facing downwards. He placed his free hand over his heart to indicate sincerity.
They seemed to hesitate still, but took a cautious step back. As they put weight onto one of their ankles though they let out a hiss of pain, losing their balance as they suddenly pulled their weight off of that leg. Instinctively, Oliver's hand reached towards them, cupping as he caught them, looking down at them with concern.
‘You are hurt…’ He mouthed, although it was unreadable due to the way he was practically mumbling. Regardless, the boy wasn't looking at his mouth, instead they had wide eyes and were swivelling their head around to focus on Oliver's hand. He frowned worriedly, not wanting to scare them more than they clearly already were, but also not wanting to ignore someone who was injured.
He raised his other hand from the counter again and held out his palm, splaying his fingers out in a placating gesture and biting his lip when the boy flinched away from his hand’s shadow. He repeated the gesture again, trying to show that he meant no harm. All the while, his left hand remained cupped behind them, although it wasn't caging them in.
It took about five or six times of Oliver calmly repeating the same motion for the boy to calm down and notice that his fingers weren't closing in, and his right hand wasn't moving any closer. They looked up at Oliver, looking so small and vulnerable from this vantage point… I just want to help.
‘Your leg…’ He slowly pointed to the tiny leg again, then pointed towards himself, his hand instinctively flattening to sign help, only to remember his leading hand was currently cupped behind the boy. He rested his hand on the counter again instead.
‘I can help you.’ He mouthed. When the boy didn't seem to read his lips, Oliver simply repeated the most important word. ‘Help. I can help.’
There was a hint of understanding in the boy's gaze, but he was still clearly very frightened. Oliver tried to imagine seeing the world from his perspective, but it was hard to imagine…regardless, he thought he would be more curious when coming face to face with a giant unless he had reason to believe they meant him harm.
His green gaze danced around the counter in search of something else he could offer as a sign of good will. His gaze landed on the macaroni and cheese his aunt had left— and although it wasn't super hot anymore he could warm it up. Most of it was untouched after all, and he found the boy in the oats, so he was probably looking for food or something similar.
‘Wait.’ He held his hand out again, slowly moving his hand from behind the boy so that he was no longer supporting his weight. He then picked up his aunt's plate and walked to the microwave, covering it with a lid and putting it in for thirty seconds. He watched the timer go down, intending to stop it just before it would start beeping.
At one second he opened it, turning off the timer and pulling out the plate before carrying it back over to where he had left the boy. He was pleasantly surprised to see that they were still there, watching him with wariness…but also a hint of curiosity as Oliver set the plate down nearby.
Sliding it in the boy's direction he smiled, gesturing towards the plate.
“For…for me?” They asked, shocked by the offering of food. Oliver nodded. He watched as they limped closer to the plate and very nearly toppled over whilst climbing onto it. They crawled closer then sniffed at the food, before finally taking a piece of the warm macaroni into their hands.
Oliver winced at the mess but made no moves to stop the tiny boy, simply leaning on his hand as he watched the display.
They ate ravenously, making it clear how hungry they were as they only paused to announce how good it tasted; expressing shock over the fact that the food was warm. Eventually the boy grew full and he looked up at Oliver again, cheese covering his hands and face. Oliver couldn't help but let out a breathy chuckle, hushed and soft but no less amused.
The boy frowned up at him, little eyebrows contorted in frustration.
“H-hey! Nothing funny to see here..!” He protested. Oliver covered his mouth with his hand to stifle the laughter, cutting it off with a small cough as he was worried he might actually upset the tiny boy. That would be bad…he was trying to help him after all.
They continued to stare up at him, looking him up and down with a scrutinising chocolate brown gaze, seemingly debating something internally. Oliver was silent as usual, removing his hand that was covering his mouth and making his expression neutral again— though he couldn't hide the curious spark in his eyes.
“My name is James…” The boy murmured, but Oliver heard it.
He perked up, his hands already moving to spell his own name, mouthing ‘Oliver’ alongside it. His aunt and uncle just used the sign of an acorn as a nickname for him, but he didn't really introduce himself like that.
“Oliver…yeah I know.” James responded as if it was obvious, but Oliver tilted his head questioningly nonetheless.
‘You did?’
James hadn't read his lips but seemed to understand that he had let something slip he shouldn't have as he began to backtrack immediately, fear visible in his expression.
“I-I mean…it's not— I-I'm sorry…” He was back to trembling, shoulders hunched and posture stiff. Oliver's expression saddened and he leaned down slightly so he was more at eye level, offering a small reassuring smile and shaking his head lightly, hands gesturing alongside his lips moving.
‘It’s okay. It's okay. I'm not angry.’ He shook his head again to emphasise that fact. ‘You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I'll ask something else… like…’ He thought for a few moments before levelling with James again. ‘How old are you?’
There were a few beats of silence as the tiny boy continued to stay silent, but Oliver remained patient. Eventually he spoke up, albeit shakily.
“I-I'm um…I'm thirteen.” He answered, averting eye contact every now and then. Oliver knew that he was prone to staring or giving way too much eye contact so he looked away again for a moment, only looking back when he responded back.
‘I’m ten.’ He held up his hands, palms facing himself and fingers close together with his thumbs sticking out, before turning them around and splaying his fingers out. People usually understood the second gesture much more when Oliver tried to sign numbers.
“Ten?” The tiny boy clarified, and he nodded in turn. That seemed to make James perk up a bit himself, as if age was a matter of pride. “So…I-I'm older than you? You're just…so big. It’s weird…”
It's weird. Not I'm weird.
Oliver smiled.
‘I am big.’ He agreed, his hands continuing to sign as much as he knew his constant hand movements probably only confused James. Wanting to focus on more important matters again, Oliver pointed towards his leg. ‘Can I help fix your leg? It's hurt.’
“Oh, right… u-um… nothing is broken, I think I just landed weird. The pain is starting to go away a bit… But I can't stay out here— my dad’ll kill me if he catches me talking to you..!” He exclaimed, glancing around as if his dad might pop up from anywhere. Oliver couldn't help but glance around too, worry etching across his features.
‘Your dad would really do that? Is he mean to you?’ He signed quickly, his mind instantly flashing back to the many threats he had heard when he was younger from his own parents. Mostly his mother, but his father never stopped her.
James didn't seem able to read his lips that time thanks to how sporadic it was, but he could tell that Oliver was worried.
“N-not actually! I just…I'm exaggerating. He.. he will be worried about me, is all. He and my mum…” He corrected, confusion in his gaze as he looked up at him. Oliver let out a small sigh of relief and relaxed, calming down little by little.
An exaggeration. Right.
He nodded to show he understood, although he couldn't help the jittery feelings that remained buzzing under the surface, his hands withdrawing closer to his chest as he looked down at the tiny boy. ‘Okay… Do you want to clean yourself before you go, then?’
He reached over the counter and picked up a napkin before offering it forwards for James to use. The boy's face lit up in realisation and he glanced down at his cheese covered hands sheepishly before nodding and reaching out to take a corner.
“Thanks…” He spoke out as he wiped off his hands. He let go of the napkin and gave Oliver a confused look when he didn't withdraw. Letting out an amused exhale from his nose Oliver pointed at James then gestured to his face.
‘Your face is messy too.’
The boy's face went red with embarrassment and he took a clean part of the napkin to wipe the cheese from his face too. Once finished he let go again and held out his hands as if to say ta da, then shakily pushed himself to a stand.
At first it seemed like he might fall again, and Oliver's fingers twitched in anticipation…but it seemed the boy had been telling the truth that the injury was nothing serious and the pain was fading, as he was able to put more weight on it than before. Satisfied, he put the napkin in the bin before looking down at James again.
‘It was nice to meet you, James.’ He smiled, waving down at them. He waved back up at him, climbing off of the plate and walking backwards towards the…wall..? Oliver watched with confusion and interest, then awe as the tiny boy opened a hidden doorway into the wall. His eyes sparkled with wonder, although he only watched.
“I-it was nice to meet you too, surprisingly. Thanks again for not um..for not killing me.” The secret door then closed and left Oliver alone in the kitchen once more. He tilted his head, brows furrowing.
What an odd thing to say… Oh well. I hope his parents don't get angry at him because of me.
With that in mind, he stood up straight again and turned the tap back on to resume his washing up, playing the interaction in his head over and over again.
I hope we can be friends.
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rin-solo · 1 day ago
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Finally, I am happy to present to you my ...
EPIC: THE MUSICAL | ACT I [Character Design project]
I have been working on these for a long time and I am very happy with how these turned out. I am a huge fan of visual character design and I simply needed to do a full lineup.
Act II will follow shortly (it is all done except for Ithaca Saga, which I will add as soon as it drops.) Please enjoy, and read below for some thoughts and background on some of my design choices!
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TROY | CYCLOPS ft. Odysseus, Athena, Eurylochus, and Polites
With Odysseus, I really wanted to emphasize his free spirit in this era and mark him as Athena's warrior, so I gave him a special belt and some armbands that represent her (this was inspired by some of @mircsy's work). He also has heterochromia; his left eye is green, representing his cunning, wisdom, and spirit; his right eye is gray, representing his ruthlessness and warrior side.
I simply love Athena in purple/gold. Her mask is a symbol of her invulnerability and comes off only during "My Goodbye" when Odysseus tells her that she's alone. Her cape can also transform into wings, and her eyes are actually golden without the mask.
I had to give Eurylochus his large anime sword (it's just as heavy as it looks but he likes it that way because that means no one besides him is strong enough to wield it ... I imagine Eurylochus can bench press at least Odysseus' and Polites' weights combined. He and Polites are also wearing variants of Odysseus' armor, indicating that they belong to the same army.
Listen, I can vibe with Eurylochus' giant sword but I draw the line at Polites with glasses, sorry. He still gets the hairband, of course. He's also dressed more casually, and without a weapon, because of his pacifistic outlook. He's the physically weakest among the trio by far but also still an inch taller than Odysseus (it's fine, Odysseus is still like 5'10, his friends are just all so freaking tall...)
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OCEAN ft. Aeolus, Poseidon, and Odysseus
Not gonna lie, I LOVED designing Aeolus' outfit. She's playful and mischievous and loves to hang out in the clouds all day; her outfit is probably made out of clouds let's be real. Also yes, her image on the windbag moves to make cheeky faces.
Poseidon I cannot imagine without tentacles anymore thanks to @gigizetz's "Ruthlessness", idk it just fits him so well. He definitely got all dressed up to go and sink Odysseus' fleet that day, he has a reputation, you know? And he just likes the shiny gold and accessories; the ocean is full of them so why wouldn't he?
Since breaking up with Athena, Odysseus lost her belt and armbands. He's still wearing her brooch because he couldn't bring himself to fully throw that away as well yet. Polites' hairband around his wrist reminds him of what he's fighting for and what to live by ... for now (Poseidon is about to ruin this man's whole career...)
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CIRCE | UNDERWORLD ft. Circe, Hermes, and Tiresias
I wanted to give Circe the "witch" vibe while putting a Greek spin on it and I actually adore her design. She seems both immortally youthful (something I aim for with all my god designs) and motherly. There she was, gathering some herbs when a bunch of strangers crash onto her island ... Oh well, at least this man was a good man this time.
Hermes is kind of just Hermes. I wanted to keep him shaded, a bit impish, and definitely up to no good. He's wearing the contrasting colors on purpose, by the way. And yes, his hat can fly on its own ... But for it to do that he'd have to actually be willing to show his face which he seldom does unless he really trusts you.
Tiresias is a soul, so he has the same kind of ageless youth as all my gods (something that goes for souls of dead people too, since I like to think they get to appear at whatever age they want after death.) He's looking a bit regal since he's a prophet, so I imagine regarded highly, even in the Underworld. Instead of the blindfold, his hood covers his face, adorned with a symbolic eye to identify him and his skill.
***
Well, that's it for ACT I, friends, I hope you liked these! I will upload ACT II asap. Please comment and/or tell me your thoughts about my designs! And feel free to ask any questions you may have! I would love to talk more about these.
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givekennyabreak · 3 days ago
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Irreplaceable. (Kenny Liu x gn!reader)
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Summary: A cop arrived along with Tabitha, and she thinks she owns the place; you think it's time to teach her how to be humble.
Rating: T
Warnings: whole lotta cursing, canon-compliant violence, spoilers for S3E8 of From, survivor's guilt, mourning, Acosta slander, reader is jealous but for a good reason, mentions of blood, mentions of gun. Acosta is her own warning.
Word count: 2.15k
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Tabitha was back.
She went through the tree, got into a lighthouse, went outside and wound up back in town. She was hurt - scared, you could see the way she looked around with wide eyes at every waking moment.
You talked to her once; it didn't go far, though, as Jim arrived a couple minutes after you finally got the poor woman alone, telling you whatever went on in their life wasn't any of your business.
You flipped him off.
"If you ever need to talk," you told Tabitha, eyes as gentle as possible. "I'm at the station."
Not only did Tabitha come back, she brought in Victor's father with her (by accident, she said. Of course.). Henry, he said his name was, was a gentle man through and through. You could see how much he cared about Victor - the way he tried his best to be patient and reconnect with his son.
He never berated the man, listened to whatever he said with the utmost patience and always tried to remain calm, although you're all only human - he panics a few times, too.
He went to the goddamn caves with Victor.
If that isn’t love, you don’t know what is.
Victor, your first friend in this hellspace; one of the four people you trusted with your life - the other three, obviously, were Boyd, Donna, and Kenny.
The man was a gentle, misunderstood soul. If anyone asked you who was the person who wanted to leave this place the most, out of everyone, Victor would be your answer. He was used to it, yes - but he didn't like the place.
He was tired.
You were tired.
That's why you tried to help him as much as possible.
(Victor told you how he tried to remember what happened with Christopher and the townspeople at the beginning, but it didn't work - he was going to see Sara.
"Does it have to be her? Do we have to do this?"
"Yes."
"Dude, c’mon. She-"
"I know. But it’s gonna get scary, and she’s the scariest person in town."
You blinked up at him. He blinked back.
You sighed.
"Fine. But I'm taking a knife with me.")
Yet, there was a third party who got in town with the two good parts; and, as all is never well in this place, the woman was an absolute menace.
Acosta was her name - surname? Who knows -, a policewoman who refused to change out of her uniform, going around asking people invasive shit and managing to piss you off more times than you can count by berating Boyd, of all people.
Her last stunt was to come up to the station as you were talking to the sheriff about the kinds of food you managed to find with the last group of people who went foraging, demanding him to give her gun back.
She did so without even acknowledging your presence, trading insults back and forth while you watched the scene, flabbergasted; Boyd, tired of her shit, actually gave it back to her without the ammunition (this is why you trusted him so much), and she walked out of the station, without as much as a glance towards you.
"Am I invisible?"
Boyd sighed. "To her? Most people are."
And then - there went your last straw.
Just as you arrived at the diner, ready to give your boyfriend a tight, much needed hug, you caught sight of a blonde ponytail and blue uniform.
"Oh, hell no."
You swung open the inner door, and walked up to the stools just as Kenny poured hot water into a mug.
"Yeah, they… they do that sometimes." He said, as the jukebox played by itself (again.).
Acosta looked at him - really looked at him. “Is that something else you get comfortable with?” A pause. “Look, thanks for the tea.”
He looked down at the mug. “Uh, you didn't even...”
She stood up, body almost colliding with yours. “Excuse me.”
And then, Kenny looked up, eyes locking with yours. He brightened up immediately - his smile widened, and he put the pot back in its place, just to beckon you over with his free hands.
"Good morning, my love." You said, ducking under the opening to the back of the counter. When you straightened up, your boyfriend was already by your side, arms wrapped around your shoulders, drinking in your presence.
The blonde turned around, now staring at you, with furrowed brows and a scowl on her face.
“Mornin’.” He swooped down, lips connecting with yours in a chaste kiss. A sigh left your body, arms encasing around his shoulders, and you heard a scoff sound from behind, followed by the door opening and closing.
You stayed there for a couple of minutes, in each other’s arms, just enjoying the peace and quiet – the rarest thing to happen when in town. You nosed at Kenny’s throat and he inhaled deeply, red creeping up the side of his neck.
“I missed you.” You whispered. He stayed silent for a few seconds, squeezing you tighter.
“You saw me last night.”
You could hear the smile in his voice; this is it, you thought. This is a good change.
Kenny was hurting.
Kenny was mourning.
But the town – the people, didn’t give him the time he needed to go through this, so the best thing you could do to not see him fade away was stay by his side and not let him wither.
(You missed Tian-Chen, too.
She treated you like her own. She loved you, and you loved her.
She told you to stay with Jade and Victor that night.
You shouldn’t have.)
“It’s a few hours too much, still.” You replied, grinning.
Kenny let go of the embrace first, in favor of throwing away the – now – cold tea. "You're veeeery cheesy."
"This is how you love me, anyways."
"Yeah." He sighed, leaning back onto the counter, arms open again. He didn't need to ask - you gladly embraced him, arms around his waist this time, as he leaned down and hid his face near your collarbone.
"I do."
You stayed there for God knows how long, fingers carding through Kenny's soft, thick hair; humming a song you knew he loved, whispering about how your mornings went, and the dreams you had.
You both had given up on the house after Tian-Chen passed away, and Jim permeated the place with his presence (although you knew he meant no harm, the place was suffocating). Kenny moved into colony house, while you stayed at the station with Boyd. Victor would have no qualms about you moving there with him, seeing as he had the safest room in that place, but Henry was there with him, and you didn't mean to intrude.
The both of you left the diner together, hand-in-hand, ready to face the day ahead.
Shortly after, Boyd assigned you with the task of helping him around - there were more people now, and he could use some help figuring shit out. Ellis was panicking - something happened with Fatima -, and the man wanted to help his kid, so you left to do some of his own chores.
Night came.
You slept in the "archive room", a little nook used to store boxes in the station; Boyd had helped you get a bed in there, and that was good enough. There was one little window on the upper side of the room, and, even though you kept it tightly shut (you nailed it, as a precaution), the whispers and giggles still seeped into the space and made it harder for you to sleep.
The sun rose with a golden hue. The orange glow shone through the clear glass, straight onto your face; with a groan, you rose up from the mattress, stretching as your body slowly woke up.
Another day where you got up, did your shit and hoped for the best - except this time, there wasn't even any hope to begin with.
"Tillie's dead." Boyd told you as you got to colony house, a few minutes after him. "We don't know who did it, but it wasn't a creature."
Ellis fidgeted beside his dad; it looked like he wanted to say something, but held himself back.
"You okay, Ellis?" You asked, with furrowed brows. "Is Fatima okay?"
Ellis inhaled sharply. Boyd glanced at him, and back at you.
"She's fine." The young man replied, nodding his head. "Aside from the nausea, and the, uh. The other stuff."
The ultrasound issue.
"Oh. Make sure she's safe, okay?" You said, nodding at the sheriff. "'m going in."
Boyd shook his head no.
"Wait here, please. Kenny and Acosta are inside, questioning the folks."
A burning feeling made its way up the back of your neck, up to your cheeks and forehead - although it was commonly associated with red, you knew what this was: green.
Jealousy.
Now, you wouldn't consider yourself a jealous person in any way, no; but the lingering glances, the manner in which she scoffed with no shame at your affection, how she thought she was the crispiest fucking fry of the batch?
Oh, fuck no.
Boyd and Ellis rushed away while you steeped in your own anger. Not long after, you heard two sets of footsteps walk out of the house, and there they actually were - your boyfriend, and the blue-uniform menace.
Kenny had a troubled look on his face while Acosta - what the fuck was her name, again? - yapped away with no regard to his feelings; obviously, no one would walk on eggshells here when it came to other people's feelings, but this was too much.
"Was what that guy said about Sara and your dad true?"
Enough is enough.
"It's not that simple."
You trailed off behind the duo, your own brows furrowed and fists tightly closed as you breathed in and out slowly.
Do not fight her. Do not throw fists. Do not. Refrain.
"Okay, you didn't think it was worth mentioning the girl that already murdered two people?"
"Look, it's just, uh, she's different now, and Boyd trusts her."
"Who gives a shit what Boyd thinks, okay?"
"Hey!"
They stopped at your shout, turning around. Turns out you were closer than it seemed; four steps were all it took for you to walk up to her stupid face and swing a fist straight to her jaw.
Kenny yelped, rushing to your side as Acosta doubled over, hand cradling her face; wild, blue eyes stared into your own as she straightened up, raising her own fists. Your boyfriend tried to step in, but you walked around, pushing him behind your own body.
"Come on, hit me." You said, ready for a blow. She hesitated, and then - you spoke up. "You're walking around like you own this place. As if you're mightier than anyone who has been stuck here."
Kenny moved, but you lifted up your hand, placing it on his chest. "Hun, please. Sit this one out."
Acosta scoffed. You faced her, seeing the way she looked between you and Kenny.
"Yeah, we met here. Yes, we fell in love here, we got together here. Yes, this has become our routine. Do you think we wanted to be here? You think we chose to stay?" Her eyes softened. "No, we don't. But we're trying our fucking best to stay alive and sane, because that way, we can think and figure out how to escape."
Your fists shook, angry tears threatening to fall.
"You have no idea what it feels like to witness the people we love wither away and get lured in by those fucks by night. So, at least, try to be a little more considerate of these people's feelings, won't you?"
Kenny took one of your closed fists in his own hand, slowly opening it and lacing your fingers together.
"That way, you might be able to actually help someone." You finished, staring at her bruising jaw. "Sorry I punched you."
Acosta swallowed deeply, glancing between yourself and Kenny.
"I never thought about that." She said, eyes finally settling on your own. "I understand. Apology accepted."
Kenny squeezed your hand, leaning down to whisper in your ear.
"Well, that's better than nothing."
You held in a snort, bumping your shoulders together.
"Are you going to come with us?" She asked, tilting her head towards the forest.
You nodded your head. "Yeah. What did you guys find out?"
Just as she opened her mouth to answer, a shrill yell echoed through the place.
"Help!"
Ethan.
Everyone looked towards the boy, as Kenny rushed to ask him what happened.
Acosta looked at you, and nodded; the both of you ran, and you sure fucking hoped this was the beginning of a good teamwork.
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allwormdiet · 1 day ago
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Arc 9: Sentinel, Concluding Thoughts
Remarkably, an entire arc where the POV isn't Taylor Hebert is still a pretty bad time for those involved.
I like the Brockton Wards, mostly. Vista is by far my favorite of the bunch because she's cooler than all of them and also a middle schooler, and honestly that's super fucked up. I like Clockblocker, Weld, Flechette, I got a little annoyed with Kid Win being so down on himself but he was basically fine, and Shadow Stalker.
I'm sure we're going to get more Shadow Stalker in the next arc or two, unless they just bury her in wet cement next chapter which I kind of doubt, but I want it now because I am desperate to find out what the fuck happened to make her the kind of person who legit buys into alpha/beta crap to the point of murdering people over it. Taylor hasn't killed anyone yet and this entire serial is about how she justifies ever-increasing acts of violence to respond to problems caused in no small part by her previous acts of violence; Vista getting first blood before her is a fucking tragedy and Shadow Stalker having multiple kills notched is a horror story. I need this to make sense, and also if we can avoid more weird racist connotations in making sense of this that would be great.
Didn't love the Travelers fight, like I mentioned. The investment wasn't really there for me, there weren't really any stakes to it so the whole thing was just kind of a space filler.
Shocked that the Slaughterhouse Nine are being signposted as early as this, too. Not that I'd put it past them to be in the Bay within a month of Leviathan, but I continue to be surprised at Worm's pacing. I don't think I'm gonna love that part of the story but if I can hold my nose through every interaction with Coil, I can probably handle the Nine.
Vista is. Okay for real though, what the fuck is happening with the Protectorate/PRT and throwing this middle schooler into constant life-or-death situations. She was at Leviathan, which, okay sure, pull out all the stops when the alternative is complete annihilation, make the birthday girl kill a man to put fifteen seconds on the game clock while we're at it. She was at the Empire's murderous tantrum alongside other Wards and New Wave, which I guess is because she's one of the only heroes whose powers can keep up with all the flyers in the Empire? Still wild choice there. She was instrumental in the disarmament of Bakuda's magnum opus mega-EMP along with Clockblocker, and I know he's the big name for the team but why didn't they just put Armsmaster on that to tinker the problem away? I feel like putting EOD duty on the teenaged public figures is an incorrect call someone made. I'd love to find out who, and maybe throw pieces of brickwork at them while they have to hold still. Can somebody stop throwing this girl into horrific combat scenarios as a government-employed child?
I'm going to keep pointing and laughing at Coil though, because the man is literally only succeeding at his infiltration of the PRT because they're letting him, and now he's only going to have a Ward as his own personal mole because they're letting him. Man wants to control an entire city and the whole thing would collapse if a single government organization stopped letting him take Ws he thought he earned.
I want to read those summaries of the studies done on that Dallon-Pelham clan though. Desperate to know if whatever insane WASP nuclear family nightmare goes on in those homes leaked into the research papers.
And then yeah, looking back at the ambush with Sophia. I was really glad to see the squad again, honestly, and it's great to see them working together, especially to take down a killer gunning for their own. A little funny that Sophia prides herself so highly for being a hunter of men and she fell for a classic ambush without even blinking.
Guess we get to find out what that's all building up to in the next arc, eh?
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divineerdrick · 1 day ago
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Homestuck: Beyond Canon Upd8 for November 11, 2024
*flops*
Don't mind me.
Just gonna lie here while I do the Homestuck liveblog thing.
I am going to give a heads up. If my next migraine treatment brings me a bit more back in line, I'll be doing VLogs again. I have a bigger video project planned, but it's not Homestuck related. I'll be posting the updates here though, so you'll still know when I blog an upd8. Then you'll all get to see my haggard and aged face.
We begin with the monthly news upd8 from James. Except no! It is in fact an upd8 from Miles! James fades into the background, and apparently Miles will be our flattering correspondent from now on.
It looks like Miles is putting potential spoilers in the news post, so I might have to be careful in the future. Of course these might be jokes. We'll have to see.
Work continues on the planned [S] page and more Beyond Canon merch. We won't be getting an upd8 for December, but they will be running the Patreon. The next upd8 looks like it might be as late as February.
That's all unfortunate. But I fully support if the team wants to take a well earned holiday.
Upd8
Tavvy has decided to join Yiffy on an adventure. This can't possibly end well. His attempts at being her lackey have so far landed him mostly in trouble. And there's a heap of trouble brewing on the soon to be battlefield.
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Yeah that's not happening.
Heh! Harry brought the trail mix.
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Oh wow. And oh no!
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OH NO!!!
That can't possibly count as Heroic though. Getting sniped while performing a purely tactical role is not a hero's end. Still, Rose is probably glad the kids aren't seeing that.
And button.
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Interesting view to cut to.
Again, I don't think this will count as Heroic for anyone. But a lot of people are about to die. And let's not forget, none of the trolls currently outside for the Plot Point are God Tiers. This is bad. This is really bad. This is the kind of moment that calls for an extreme, deus ex machina, like the Plot Point has the potential for.
But we're not getting to see it yet.
Edit: @vriedi reminded me that Meenah is a God Tier. Though this does make me wonder, what happens when a dead God Tier dies?
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Orange curtains.
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Okay! Legitimately fantastic Psyche Out. They actually got me pretty good there.
Okay, we have a new troll it I think.
gavageCunctation is messaging Vrissy. Though that doesn't necessarily tell us much, except that a new player may have entered the drama.
And they're "negging" Vrissy. So this troll clearly sees themselves as a "player" too.
We've got a "game" that's about to be played. A game being run by a TC. Now Gamzee is dead, but that doesn't mean he didn't setup something before Vriska killed him. Still, it's likely these are two completely new troll kids.
We've got a new AA too. So we might be seeing more troll descendants. After all, they used cloning to kick things off. This troll is typing in purple, but blood typing may not be universal anymore. I do find it interesting that we're continuing the nucleotide pairs though. They could have gone for a different motif. Maybe they're trying to symbolize that these are potential paradox clones for a new session?
AA is apparently our chronic auspistice for this group. And potentially our Seer, though we've had fake-outs on that before.
And our actual cliffhanger ending is this new GC's computer exploding.
So yeah. Something has to happen for a lot of our beloved characters to not bite it. I'm also curious how Rose's vision of future events can come true if Jane has unleashed her weapon. But I mentioned last time that Rose is playing a dangerous game here. I don't think any of our God Tiers are in trouble, and I'm pretty sure the Plot Point is fine.
I'm wondering if this is how Calliope ends up sacrificing themself, if Rose was even correct there. Either way, this a dark ending for the year on a community that's already seen some dark endings.
*Returns to flop*
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bookshelfmonkey · 2 days ago
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Ok but imo (as a trans guy) the dress moment could also work very well as an ftm Gender Moment.
I feel like the basis of the dress moment being so significant (or even being included in the show, although god only knows what the creators meant it to show) isn't that he's* considering wearing a dress. We see many other crew members wearing dresses at the party, laughing with everyone else and generally having a good time, and it's never brought up again, because it's a costume worn to a party. To Fitzjames, it seems to be more than a costume, hence his reluctance, hence the significance of the scene.
The common transfemme angle (as I see it, correct me if I'm wrong) is that this represents a moment where Fitzjames confronts the fact that his desire to wear the dress runs deeper than a desire to dress up for a night. This is more than a costume, this is a significant, meaningful expression of a desire that he's hidden for years, a desire that he knows (has been taught) is shameful, and now he has the opportunity to show that part of himself and have no one bat an eye and he just can't do it because it feels too vulnerable.
The transmasc angle is more complicated, so I'm going to explain my own experience real quick. When I was younger, I had to wear dresses and I hated it, but it was what was expected of me, so I didn't feel like I had a choice. Refusing to wear dresses and presenting masc was an act of rebellion for me, a hard won victory. It was also, up until I medically transitioned relatively recently, the only way I could pass. So I have that background: the years of having to wear dresses, and many more years of being pressured to wear them even after I'd repeatedly expressed that I didn't want to. But, now, I am living as a queer man. A lot of the men I surround myself with are more androgynous/feminine than I am, and none of my friends would bat an eye if I wore a dress. I also pass pretty much 100% of the time, and if I went out in public in a dress, I'd just be seen as a man in a dress (which comes with its own issues, but I don't have time to get into that right now). So I could wear a dress, and not massively run the risk of no longer being seen as a man, something that means a lot to me because it took a lot to get to that point. But I still haven't worn a dress since I stopped when I was 7. Look, I've got some internalised shit going on, it's not necessarily healthy, but it does help mimic the kind of shit that would be going on in the mind of someone living in 18th century england. Wearing a dress would-- to put it simply-- make me dysphoric. Not because I see dresses as something only women wear, but because it would remind me of when I had to wear them, and because I'd feel like that would be all people would need to see through me to my past and start seeing me as a woman again. To bring it back to ftm Fitzjames, this could easily apply. He knows that the crew see him as a man, he knows that a cis man in his position could (as many do in the show) wear the dress as a costume, have a good time, and never experience any kind of consequences for it-- he knows that he could do that. But it's more complicated, because, although he knows that it'd be fine, wearing the dress feels too vulnerable, too familiar. It breaks down the performance of the perfect (cis) man that he tries to keep up at all times, and so he doesn't do it.
Or maybe I'm just projecting, idk.
* just gonna use he/him throughout the post for consistency
i don’t think we consider ftm fitzjames enough like yes of course we had the dress scene which was crazy but also have we considered a guy who is So Obsessed with living up to the victorian masculine ideal despite everything going against him from birth. and yet somehow he is able to rise above all of that until they’re stuck in the arctic where society has all but forgotten them. and he can only really accept that it’s okay not to be this perfect heroic guy when he becomes friends (lovers?) with another guy who has long stopped trying to be the perfect victorian man because him being irish and lower birth status means society will never accept him as such. and again i recognize the Gender Moment of the dress but from the ftm angle the whole fucking show is a Gender moment
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frenchy-and-the-sea · 2 months ago
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There is a very exquisite agony in playing a game you love so so so so so much, and realizing that one of the other players is trying to play a totally different game than you.
#hush frenchy#we went to the coffin shop today in vallaki#and our rogue triggered combat SIMPLY because he didn't want to leave the house without looting every single room#to clarify: WE HAD ACHIEVED OUR OBJECTIVE#we literally just needed to get out#but the rogue's player was like cmoooon its no fun to leave without looting everything we can get our hands on#now everything we're doing has gone to absolute shit#and to clarify: its going to be very interesting!!#and I feel like I would've been just fine with the result#IF it had been for any other reason besides that this one player seems to think that we're in a video game#like if there had been some kind of character motivation? or genuine concern that we were missing a piece of something we were looking for?#totally fine!! love that in fact!!#but just stealing shit because 'you're the rogue' feels... idk.#it just feels like it's a totally different game than the rest of us are playing#and now we ALL have to deal with the consequences#i just. urgh. i do not know what to do#i am gonna talk to the dm and see if she noticed the same thing as me#and try to brainstorm we the players can do to impart a sense of balance for people with different play styles#but i just feel like despite repeated efforts by the dm to be like hey this is a game for exploration and character engagement#the player is just ignoring that and doing Whatever He Feels Like#ANYWAY SORRY RANT OVER#I'm just really in love with this game and having one really thorny part is just HNG#positive note: the wizard whipped out alter self and thought he was the coolest guy in the whole world#despite repeatedly missing in combat#it was very cute and i wish Wyn wasn't absolutely certain that she was about to die#because she would absolutely stroke his ego about it simply to see him preen#the fighter was also very sweet and keeps working so hard to protect wyn#and since I'm a fighter in my other game i know where to put myself to make it easier for him so there's a lot of synergy#IT'S JUST VERY CUTE AND NICE AND GOOD. I LOVE THEM BOTH A LOT
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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year ago
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i only just found your au and i need everyone to have a happy ending so badly im gonna cry ;-; sally is gonna be so freakin upset when she wakes up for real and sees she decimated barnaby.
oh, Barnaby already has his arm stitched back on when she wakes up! and really, even if he didn't, that'd be the Least of her worries. she wakes up into a Real nightmare - partially of her (unintentional) making
#happy endings... well... yes and no. depends on what act you look at#act one? no! actually things get So Much Worse in an entirely festive new way!#act two? eh! sorta! its more bittersweet than anything#act three and four blend into each other so much that three doesn't have an 'ending'#but the final act - act four... well. who's to say! im still workshopping what i want to happen#but i do know it's still gonna have at Least a bittersweet tinge to it#wh lights out au#rambles from the bog#there are consequences and not everyone Makes It. i dont like stories where everything wraps up perfectly fine#even if it hurts! i like it when things hurt in a good way. those stories where the ending is overall positive#but Enough Happened that its just... its an ache. looking at where someone used to be. you know?#my favorite shows and books and fics have ended with me smiling while sobbing bc it yes it Hurts but it was So Fucking Good#and while i wouldnt be able to handle rewatching/rereading due to Emotional Damage...#i think of them fondly and often and theyre Important to me#perfectly happy endings just rub me wrong. it always feels like there's something Missing despite it all being idyllic#i cant let my own stories - original or aus or whatever - have that kind of end#so if thats what people are hoping for! you've come to the wrong person and the wrong au!#i like to be kind but that rarely extends to my creative works!#i like it messy and painful and bittersweet and i like to be Ruthless with my creations with no compromise#sometimes characters need to fight. or leave. or die. or make serious mistakes. etc.#but anyway! anyway....#i will say that there isn't a happy ending for Everyone. and for others it's... complicated. again - bittersweet
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nomairuins · 17 days ago
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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dashiellqvverty · 6 months ago
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my opinion on season 11 is that ian and mickey were all over the place from episode to episode and i ultimately wasn’t very happy with where it ended for them
#just felt kind of incomplete and boring in terms of their getting an apartment arc#like mickey was still genuinely very unhappy about it and they just left it like that?#and obviously i didn’t love how they did the terry stuff.#i think. there’s something to it because you can never truly predict how you’re gonna feel about something like that#even if it’s a piece of shit who you truly hate like. feelings happen.#and that could have been interesting to explore but it wasn’t done in a way that felt interesting#it just felt like a waste of time when we could’ve been doing other stuff with their screentime#and the beginning was so good i was having sooo much fun when ian was like yeah let’s steal an ambulance and yes we can have guns again.#let’s fuck in the ambulance. etc.#that was so hot and then they ruined it both in that scene that i wanted to SEE and with where they took the story after#like how quickly ian jumps back to ‘well we won’t do crimes then :)’ i thought he was having FUN doing crimes#like are they still doing their security shit? are they still working with stolen equipment?? i want them to do crimes :(#(when i lay it all out like that i’m like perhaps ‘ian being exited about doing crimes’ is not a Good Sign for him. but#it really wasn’t presented that way in context. like i don’t think that’s what they were going for there#and he can be doing better and still have fun doing stupid shit#a la their little outing before he got arrested by the military#yes that was like. 5 years earlier but i’m still like what happened to THAT ian he got boring#and i’m not saying like. him being healthy is boring. i’m saying let him be healthy and also have fun.#anyway.)#also like. signing a lease on the spot against mickeys wishes. kind of fucking impulsive and reckless. but no it’s bc he wants#to have a better life or whatever so it’s fine.#idk i just want to see them steal shit and fuck in an ambulance#and i mean like OVERALL ian has not been as much of a Crime Guy as others. certainly not compared to mickey#like he’s DONE crimes obviously but not in a. it’s his lifestyle way. i guess?#so idk why i’m like i want him to go BACK to that if that wasn’t exactly what he was doing in the first place#but he LIKES doing shady shit with mickey and having fun and idk why they bothered showing us that#if they were gonna drop it by the end of the season that i can only assume they knew would be the final season#it just felt like they didn’t know what to do with the two of them all season and they ended the season in a less satisfying place#than they started#r.txt
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pumpking64 · 1 year ago
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#Jesus fucking Christ#why do some people just. not see the mess they’re making and acknowledge that it’s their responsibility to clean up after themselves??#like. you throw your shoes in the entrance exactly where people walk. you let shared loafers stand outside for several hours#you cook the most simple dinner that one time you cook (mind you the other people have equal shares of making food)#and yet you don’t even manage to clean up after neither the cooking NOR taking the food off the table into the fridge so it doesn’t turn bad#you keep on taking the most easy solution that fits you the best without thinking about others. in a space where we all are exhausted#and I’m so done with it for now tbh. how lazy to not care about the bare necessities for others. how rude to admit to it#AND on top of this. you’ll tell stuff about your country that’s *objectively horrifying* and then add on to that that you love your country#it’s just. so many things. are so so so much of what I’d avoid in a person. a few things is fine. no one’s perfect. but damn there’s a limit#SORRY to anyone who’s read this far but I just. had to get it out#this guy is the one I’m working the closest with these two and a half weeks. hes still a kid kind of. I’m not gonna be mean to him#but damn. my patience. is being tested#AHHH I might delete this tbh. I don’t like showing this side of myself. I don’t want to spread this kind of negativity#I’m just so very frustrated. how a human person can come to this place and be here for SO LONG already#and still not have learnt the basics of living and working together#own post#oh. and all the triggering of intrusive thoughts is not helping your case buddy#(which you can’t really know about so it’s kinda fair but also it’s for bad hygiene stuff mostly and that’s. I mean…..)
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dredshirtroberts · 10 months ago
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never doubt the power of the OBX Gender Euphoria Hoodie of Swagness: it doesn't eliminate the sensory issues i've got from the tape on the electrodes but it sure does make me feel less like i want to tear every inch of skin off 10/10 can recommend.
#i put it on and like 8 of the 7 different issues i was having were eliminated immediately#shhh don't look at the numbers it's fine don't worry about it#i'm actively going through an Anxiety Event so bad it made me take a knee when we got home which is yknow unusual#and considering i'm hooked up to a heart monitor today i really kind of need to not be having abnormal heart events actually#i mean i can but like i'm not like... i want it to be indicative of my Usual Daily Activities and i'm just not very active most days#because of the horrors mostly#i'm just not sure if i need to mark every time i'm Super Aware of my heartbeat or not because i don't know if i'm just always too aware#and it's just doing Normal Heart Things or if i'm having a thing and going ''oh yeah that's a normal heart thing i'm sure of it''#because i don't know the difference! this is very fun (: (smiely face flown upside down to show distress)#if the tape didn't itch so fuckin' bad i would probably forget i was wearing the thing#but alas my own personal hell where my skin is So Sensitive To This One Thing In Particular and it's in all the most sensitive places#for the first time ever though someone actually gave me advice on how to fix it#which is to wash the residual stickies off and then put on anti-itch cream like!!!!#if it works i'm gonna be so ecstatic cause i fuckin' cannot stand that sometimes the bandaid rash is worse than the initial thing#that i put the bandaid on for#anywa stay salty obx hoodie of gender is the best hoodie and i am so glad i spent tourist money for it#well worth the expense for what i'm getting out of the experience
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orcelito · 1 year ago
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Sometimes. Impulse purchases. Can be so personal.
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realboutfatalfury · 2 years ago
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it might just be bc it's late and i get sad sometimes when it's late but i'm sad i like feeel soooo bad about several things and i feel like i want to cry but i can't ughh idk...
#just gonna like write out my problems in the tags bc that like helps me process them 👍#first of i feel like i can't connect well with people at all#especially with people in school.. there are some people i am fine with i can like talk with them fine and feel a connection#but then like with others i just feel..so out of touch with them idk#i just feel like they don't want to be around me anymore and i'm just some annoying guy that is there#but like i know that isn't true (hopefully)#ugggh and then like i go back to thinking they do actually not like me and yeah just a whole loop going on#after i get tired of thinking about that i think about school in general and start getting stressed about it#even though i am doing alright it's idk..#it;s just i'm like thinking of stuff that happens later through the school year and thinking i want things to get finished quickly#i like want to get my paintings and projects done already but i gotta think and take my time and shit!#i want it done now so i won't have to do it anymore even though i do like working on them#when i work on something i want to like sit down and work on it till it's done#which is kind of a not good habit to have i know i've been trying to like try to get rid of it#or like minimize it#ok i'm like reading over these and like. i think it's bc i might be neurodivergent.#i keep forgetting i got a high score in that autism test...hmmm#anyway also stressed about this camping trip for school that happens next week#1) my mom keeps nagging me about how i am physically weak to like go camping but still wants me to go to it#2) we have to be in groups and you don't like get assigned one you have to like just form it... which like#if you've read above i am having trouble with people and connecting hence i haven't found a group yet orz...#and that's like it for that.#school is just stressing a bit and i don't want that....#last problem is like kind of dumb but like my youtube feed has sucky videos i don't want to watch and i haaaaate it.#it's like it doesn't get me at all.....whatever...#ok i think that's like enough...feel a bit better laying it all out#still feel those things but like doing this made me feel better feeling this way and understand them#feeling things is good and alright 👍
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grimandghoulish · 5 months ago
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#lol I got scared and thought my therapist was ghosting me#and i think i accidentally annoyed her because i messaged her Monday because I was trying to get an appointment last week but she was on#vacation and she didn't reply so i messaged her again today because i kind of urgently need an appointment because i am suicidal and having#thoughts about self harm big time and idk the way she replied just felt Off™ to me from normal you know but also could just be the rsd#the rsd which is exacerbated by these thoughts and feelings I'm having so like it's probably fine but my anxiety is through the roof and I'm#not taking my meds because lol idk. so like i just don't want to take them even though i know i should but i literally don't want to do#anything and it's a challenge to just get up and go to work like idk I'm trying not to call out because i keep doing that because i keep#having mental health issues and such but like this is the worst I've been in literally years#i am absolutely suffering in my own mind right now and if it wasn't for my family and the few friends i have and my dogs I'd probably#literally just end it all right now. like I'm not going to probably but like#idk i made a handful of suicide attempts when i was s teenager and obviously they all failed and i can't think of a painless way to die#and i don't have access to anything that would take me out quickly like a gun so like idk whatever i guess. I'm just here to suffer and be#miserable but it's probably what i deserve anyway tbh so like no big deal but like idk. just tired of life. i fail all the time. i fail at#work i fail in my relationships i fail my pets i fail my family i fail my friends it's all im good at is failing#tbh didn't even think I'd make it past 18 but now I'm approaching my mid twenties and I'm just kind of here doing whatever you know#I'm gonna go get high i think. need a fridge in my room for beer so I don't have to go get drunk at the bar#I'm broke anyway not like i can hop over there but also it's late and i have to sleep i guess for work that i have to force myself to go to#what a sad existence
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