#i know it’s all gonna work out fine but I kind of just want a day off. which sounds dumb but like what I mean

[hoshifighting]

Hiii, today I was scrolling through TT and found out that during THE act, the vagigas sometimes make the "farting" kind of noises because of the air inside. Soooo my first thought was, what do you think SVT's reaction would be if it happened during your nasty time👀

And also, God bless you and your talent, thank you for sharing your works and making my life a little better 🙏

seventeen reaction to queefing

WARNINGS: smut, sensitive content.

seungcheol: your eyes go wide, and you're immediately like, “oh my god, i’m so sorry,” scrambling to pull the blanket over your head like it’s a shield from embarrassment. this man doesn’t even blink. “baby, what?” he chuckles, all warm and raspy like he’s genuinely confused why you’re apologizing. “that’s normal. you think i care about that? nah, keep going. don’t even start, baby girl. you’re not running away from because of something like this.”

jeonghan: you freeze, horrified, your cheeks blazing as you blurt out, “oh my god, that wasn’t—” “hey, hey,” jeonghan interrupts, lifting his head to look at you with that stupidly pretty face of his. “don’t even think about it.” “it’s embarrassing!” “it’s air.” he raises an eyebrow like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. you groan, trying to cover your face, but he gently tugs your hands away, planting a kiss on the tip of your nose. “relax, babe. you think i’m gonna stop worshipping you over something that happens to literally everyone? no way.”

joshua: when you freeze faster than someone caught stealing snacks at 2 a.m. joshua pauses too, blinking like he’s processing it. then he tilts his head, a soft smile creeping onto his face. “its okay.” he says, his voice soft and reassuring, like he’s trying to calm a spooked puppy. “yeah, but it’s… ugh!” you groan, wanting the bed to swallow you whole. he chuckles, leaning down to kiss your shoulder. “y/n, seriously, it’s not a big deal.” when he moves to kiss you properly, his hands trailing up your sides, you realize he’s deadass unfazed. the man’s unshakable.

junhui: his first reaction is to get wide-eyed “woah, was that—?” “jun, no,” you cut him off, absolutely mortified. “nah, don’t do that.” his voice softens as he cups your face, looking at you like you’re the only person in the world. “it’s fine, babe, I swear..”

hoshi: you’d barely even noticed it happened, but he would. blinking like his brain just blue-screened. you’re already spiraling, trying to bury your face in the pillow. “oh my god, i’m so sorry—” “no, no, babe!” he’s quick to stop you, his voice practically tripping over itself. “it’s fine, it’s fine! actually, it’s kinda funny, right? like, pfft.” you peek up at him, and the man’s already cracking up, his laugh so contagious you can’t help but smile. “you’re not mad?” “mad? babe, why would I get mad?” you can’t even be embarrassed anymore because he’s so earnest about it, his hands gently pulling you back to him.

wonwoo: he blinks once, twice, and then tilts his head slightly like he’s processing. “dont worry, it’s not like you planned it.” h “yeah, but…” “no ‘buts,’” he interrupts, brushing his lips against yours. “then let me put it simply: i don’t care. i just care about you.”

woozi: then he clears his throat, trying to pretend he didn’t hear anything. but you’re immediately scrambling to apologize, cheeks flaming. “i swear i didn’t—” “stop,” woozi cuts you off. he sits back slightly, giving you space as his eyes meet yours. “you don’t need to explain. it’s not a big deal. it’s just air. you think that’s gonna scare me off or something?” you blink at him, his calm behavior throwing you off. “uh, i don’t know. maybe?” he huffs out a laugh, leaning down to kiss the corner of your mouth. “you’re ridiculous,” he murmurs. “it’s normal, and it doesn’t change how much i’m into you. so, relax, okay?”

minghao: you immediately stiffen, your hands flying to your face as you groan. “oh my god, hao, i’m so sorry.” he doesn’t even falter, just gives you a calm, amused look. “y/n, why are you apologizing?” “because—ugh! you know why!” “nothing to apologize for.” “but it’s so embarrassing.” “to who?” he counters, his hands sliding down your sides, grounding you. “not to me. now, can we move past this and get back to what we were doing?”

mingyu: holds you when you’re already trying to roll away from him, muttering a frantic string of apologies. “woah, woah, babe!” mingyu’s big hands are quick to pull you back, his voice full of concern. “what’s wrong?” “what’s wrong? you heard that!” he blinks, clearly confused for a second, and then realization dawns on his face. instead of laughing, he smiles. “oh, that? babe, that’s nothing.” “it’s still embarrassing,” you mumble, avoiding his eyes. “hey, you know I don’t care about stuff like that, right? it’s just us here. no judgment. ever.”

seokmin: it happens, and the room goes silent. you’re already halfway to a meltdown. he’s biting his lip, trying so hard not to laugh, but you can see the corners of his mouth twitching. “sorry, sorry,” he says quickly, waving his hands. “i’m not laughing at you, i swear.” “but you’re laughing!” you groan, trying to bury yourself in the sheets. he gently tugs the sheets down, his expression softening. “okay, listen. it’s not a bad thing, and then this little human moment happens, and it’s kind of adorable.” “adorable?!” he grins, leaning down to kiss your forehead. “yeah. because it’s you. now, come here and stop hiding from me.”

seungkwan: you immediately sit up, your face buried in your hands. “oh no kwannie,” seungkwan sits up too, rubbing your back gently. “y/n, it’s fine. seriously.” “it’s not fine! it’s so embarrassing!” “babe,” he says, his tone both gentle and slightly exasperated, “do you know how many awkward things I’ve done in my life? this doesn’t even make the top 100.” you glance at him, and he gives you a reassuring smile.

vernon: would 100% just act like it didn’t happen, not because he’s trying to be cool, but because he genuinely doesn’t think it’s a big deal. like, he hears it, goes, “huh,” and moves on with life. later, if you bring it up, he’d be like, “oh, yeah, that. it’s normal, right?” but also, he’s got this tiny smirk like he secretly finds it funny but isn’t about to embarrass you over it. chillest mf alive.

chan: this baby would be so flustered but trying so hard to play it cool. he’d pause, his ears would go all red, and he’d be like, “uh… are you okay?” and when you explain, he’d just nod all serious like, “oh, yeah, that’s normal. totally normal. happens all the time, i think. yeah.” but you know he’s silently combusting inside. later, he’d probably google it just to make sure he handled it right. adorably awkward but trying his best.

[pennyold]

car wash | j.m

summary: how good feels when Joel is looking at you when you wash your Daddy’s car, with that shirt all wet, sure there’s was something more wet, isn’t it?

warnings: dilf!joel, vulgar language, dirty talk, p n v and pervert!joel

w.c: 1,653

a/n: well, well, it’s a long one (sorry) I got so inspired last night thinking about him in this situation, and it was so hot, so here is it, I hope you like it like I do!! enjoy and leave your comment down below in this fic!! not proofreading, sorry for any grammatical errors!!

main masterlist ↲

peace and love, penny ★

You were grounded, of course, you were, you have been a spoiled bratty bitch, answering in your Daddy’s face why you were so late. You don’t have limits in your words that’s why, you told him you were with a guy instead of having a sleepover with your friend, you lied to him and he was so disappointed in you.

So for your good he punished you by cleaning the car he most used, was so dirty, so he did it on purpose to have you doing something during this time grounded. He gave you all the stuff you would need to clean the car, you were ready, but then you completely forgot your old stereo. You took it from the garage and played the oldest CDs you have.

Taking the bucket with soap and water, you walked through the car, watching what are you doing first, you chose the front, it looked easy, right?. You thought that, but it wasn’t, was much worse than you thought, you were so short that some were dry because you could not reach it. Badly, you clean it with a clean ripped cloth. Your dad just told you that would clean the car, so you trusted him.

Your shirt is all soaked from the water and soap in the car, you hissed, looking at how dirty your clothes were, getting your head up, you felt some kind of eyes staring at you, you turned back, looking at your neighbor Joel Miller, sitting in his porch with a beer on his hand. You always think he’s kinda hot, but only that, now he is looking at you while cleaning and with your clothes, sticking your body for the wettest; of course, you don’t mind him staring at you.

The sun was still shining, the weather was hot, very so you didn’t mind in change you and cleaning, you just wanted to finish, you looked at Joel, him drinking his beer while watching you and sometimes disappeared.

Almost finished, your Dad gently touched your shoulder “Holy, you scared me, Dad.” You felt your heart speeding faster “I’m sorry, but I have to go, the job needs me.” he kissed your forehead and used the other car, leaving you. You were just missing the back, so you did it faster, your forehead was as sweaty as your chest, also boobs and back. You need a shower; finishing, you clean the ripped cloth, drying the back, before you go, someone calls you, and you know who it is.

“You finish?” I nodded “Can you wash my car, too? I’ll pay you." you said yes immediately, you are so nice. Grabbing the same stuff you use for cleaning, you watched how are you gonna start. Minutes later, your whole body was in pain, you were so exhausted, but you wanted that paid, right?

While cleaning the door you looked at Joel, he was fixing some machine and battery stuff in the car, his tummy was peeking out his shirt and his pants were a little down, he looked hotter than you thought.

Biting your lip and holding the laugh, you finish shyly, you get closer to Joel, wanting his attention “I-I already finished.” he gets out of the car, looking at you while cleaning his dirty hands “Really? So fast, sweetheart.” You nodded “I should go, my dad will come back in an hour.” Before you could go, he took your arm “Wait, I didn’t give you your pay.” Your eyebrows furrowed “It’s fine,” you said trying not to bother him “I can see your exhausted body, just took the money so you can go” you nodded taking his money “And… if you are not busy, can you come and help me at night? I can convince your Dad.” “Sure,” you nodded “I’ll come,” Joel nodded, getting back to his work.

The clock ticked 8 pm, and you were getting out of the shower, you didn’t want Joel to see you in the same clothes. Pick up your phone and tell Dad you'll be right back soon, walking through Joel’s house, you ring the doorbell, and a call is heard across the garage, “Joel?” “I’m here,” he was again underneath the car, fixing something, and he went out looking at you upside down “Hey,” you said, and he smiled “Thank you for helping me, would you pick those things and bring them closer to you?” you nodded, grabbing some tools he had there. Putting it closer to yourself so you can give it to him anytime. You felt uncomfortable, I’m sure you have been staying here for the last hour. “We almost finished, sweetheart, easy,” he noticed your uncomfortable position, you had been standing a long time ago, and your feet were hurting so much. You turned around, looking for a place you could recharge yourself, there was an old table in there, so you sat in there waiting for his call “Hugh, thank god I finished,” he said, getting out of the car and groaning “Really? That’s good to hear,” you said, swinging your legs, you looked at him while Joel cleaned his things.

Watching him you notice his big back, big arms, and how he looked so big were the only things your eyes were on. “Shit,” you whispered on your own, Joel didn't hear you because his stereo was reproducing songs at high volume, then he touched the stereo turning the volume down “So, have you eaten dinner?” shooking your head, you said: “Not really, I just ate a sandwich before I came here.” he turned his whole body, looking at you “Wanna eat something else?” you think another thing by him saying that, for sure, you are a dirty mind. Your face turned red from the nervous about that thought “Um, yeah, sure,” he nodded, then opened his mouth to say something but closed it, not convinced “Would you…? Never mind,” he said, getting close to you. You squeezed your legs, stopping the legs movement before Joel got closer to you, he was looking for something behind you, his eyes going everywhere except you.

You watched him, and when he looked at you, he clocked his eyes on yours, then you looked away “Sorry,” he smiled and grabbed your chin “Don’t be, ’m I bothering you, sweetheart?” you shook your head, looking at him again “Good, pretty you” you bite your own lip not letting go a moan inside your filthy mouth “Oh… you good?” you nod, still holding your bottom lip. He got closer, and your pussy started clenching from the obvious pain of attention she needed, so you clenched your inside “And why are you so tense and red? Huh?” he caught you, sure he did, he noticed it. “I’m not.” barely you didn’t hesitate. “I don’t think that, sweetheart, look at your legs, squeezing your crotch. I wanna know if you are squeezing something else inside you.” That was the cherry on the cake, you left your lip, escaping a moan out of your mouth, Joel grabbed you, taking your legs and back in his big and strong arms, taking your body to his kitchen. Now, you were at a weak point, and Joel hit it.

He took you to the kitchen, sitting your ass on the counter “You hot?” you nod “Very,” Joel teased, touching your bare legs and slowly passing his fingers close to your crotch “Joel…” he nodded “I know, you are so needy, isn’t it?” “So much.” touching his chest, you felt his sweaty skin and slowly drove your hand to his crotch “You need that? needy girl?” you bite my lip “Yes, Daddy,” you whisper the last word holding your breath. Joel smiled proudly, he does love being called ‘Daddy’ “Oh, this pretty girl needs her Daddy to take her and fuck her to the counter?” he dirty talk, he loves it “Yes, yes.” Joel took the end of your shorts and pulled them down, almost taking off your panties, he touched the thin fabric, pulling them too, slowly. He wanted to torture you, till you start to whimper. “What a pretty pussy, baby” “Daddy... I’m so sensitive,” you moaned, touching him “Oh, baby, I wanna make you a full mess, for me,” you couldn't form a word so you squeezed his bulge. Unbuttoning his pants, he grabbed the end of your shirt, finishing pulling his pant, he whispered, “Let me take your shirt off, I wanna see those pretty tits you have, baby”

Now fully nude for him, he took a condom wrapping his dick with it. Lifting your body to get closer to him, Joel grabbed your hips, stopping you “Please,” you beg “Easy, baby, let me touch you there,” he said, rubbing your poor clit all wet “So soaked and ready for Daddy and fucked you, isn’t it? You wanted this so bad?” “Please, I beg you, I want it,” you pouted, opening wide your short legs, your pussy on full display for him “Filthy girl, a pretty slut, 'm I right?” he said, introducing the tip at your entrance, teasing your poor hole.

With a slow pace, he hit your cervix, arching your back and moaning in Joel's ear, he started to whisper dirty stuff making you hornier. Scratching his back, you cover his hips with your legs, bringing him deeper. Then his pace got faster; you couldn't even breathe, squeezed him inside, you were so close, and he groaned, “Are you gonna come, baby?” “Fuck, yes!” you screamed, touching his hair and pulling it “Do it, cum for Daddy,” digging your nails into his back, your legs contracted, feeling your arousal drip out of your pussy.

“Oh… oh…” you groaned, still squeezing him “I’m gonna cum too, baby. Can you hold me up?” you nodded, then he came, his pace got slow, and his breath came to a normal beat “Shit, what a little pussy, baby, I almost couldn’t fit in” he kissed your cheek and neck taking the condom off him.

“You still wanna eat?” he smiled at you, a pretty and beautiful smile.

divider: @/enchanthings-a

[folkwhoreberry]

I've a request for Percy Jackson as punishment for you deleting your drafts, something where Percy does little things for the reader? For example, drying her hair after she gets out of the shower, putting food on her plate, small and simple things, but things very cute😊↕️🤍

Mr. Jackson To Your Service

percy jackson x reader

or... the one where you’re obsessed with capri sun

word count : 969

warning : none omg who would believe that, english is not my first language!!!

🌙🩵🍓🌙🩵🍓🌙🩵🍓🌙🩵🌙🍓🩵🌙🍓 🩵🌙🍓🩵🌙

🔱🌊🔱🌊🔱🌊🔱🌊🔱🌊🔱🌊🔱🌊🔱🌊🔱🌊🔱🌊🔱🌊

lunch time.

who would’ve thought that getting hundreds of hungry teenagers with powers in one place is a good idea?

either way, it is what it is and you’re not planning on starving. but fate has other plans for you, like having the scary ares kids standing in front of your favourite food, blocking your path.

and that’s how you ended up sitting in a corner table with percy, your plate only carrying a few pieces of veggies with a side of capri sun.

“why don’t you have anything on your plate, angel?” he asked, his brows furrowing in confusion as he saw how little food you had on your plate. “uhh, ‘m not really hungry.” you mumbled, tossing one of the veggie pieces around your plate with your fork.

percy tilted his head, his lips curling into a playful smirk. “not hungry? I thought I saw you eating an entire pizza two days ago, no problem. what happened to that appetite of yours?”

you shrugged, poking at the broccoli. “I guess today’s just one of those days.”

he leaned closer, his voice dropping to a teasing whisper, “are you sure it’s not because you’re avoiding the ares kids? I mean, you did seem pretty eager to steer clear of them.”

you snorted. “it’s not that bad, percy. they’re just… uh, intimidating. doesn’t help that they think they’re better than everyone else.” you took a sip of your capri sun, trying to act casual.

percy raised an eyebrow, clearly not convinced. “right. I’m gonna go get you something, angel.” he said, getting up before you can even react, leaving you sitting there, your face dumbfounded.

after a few minutes, he came back with a plate full of pasta with the white sauce, and yet another capri sun. just like he had promised.

——————

after the long day of activities, you finally made your way back to your cabin, completely drained. after a quick shower, you wrapped yourself in your towel and stepped out, only to see percy waiting in the hallway, leaning casually against the wall.

“you okay?” he asked, raising an eyebrow when he noticed your wet hair. “need a hand with that, princess?”

you rolled your eyes, but smiled. “really? you’re gonna stand there like you’re some kind of hair stylist?”

“well, I mean, I have a lot of experience handling water,” he said, gesturing toward himself. “being the son of poseidon and all. so, yeah. I think I can help.”

you raised an eyebrow. “are you seriously gonna dry my hair for me?”

percy gave a dramatic sigh, as if you were making him perform some kind of great sacrifice. “I mean, I guess I have no choice now.” he paused. “unless you want to go to bed with wet hair. then I’ll leave you to your doom.”

you giggled, rolling your eyes again, but agreed. “fine. do your worst, seaweed brain.”

a few minutes later, you were sitting on your bed while percy wielded a hairdryer like he was in the middle of some grand mission. he was being unreasonably serious about it, and it took everything in you not to laugh at his overly focused expression.

“you know, percy,” you said in an exaggerated voice, “I feel like I’m in the presence of greatness right now.”

“you should,” he said without missing a beat. “I’m literally the best at this. I should add ‘professional hairdryer wielder’ to my resume.”

you couldn’t help it anymore, bursting into laughter. “you’re ridiculous.”

he grinned, proud of himself. “and don’t you forget it. all in a day’s work, saving the world and drying your hair. I’m a multitasker.”

when he finally finished, he gave a small bow, proud of his work. “there you go. all set, angel.”

you looked at your reflection in the mirror, surprised at how good your hair looked—no frizz, no mess. percy had somehow managed to do a better job than you could’ve hoped. “wow, you’re actually good at this.”

“told you,” he said, giving you a playful wink.

——————

you were heading to mr. d’s office to complain about something when you spotted percy walking towards you, looking way too smug for his own good.

“what?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bundle wrapped in twine. “I made something for you.”

you took it from him, unwrapping it carefully. inside was a tiny wooden necklace, the pendant shaped like a trident with delicate waves etched into the surface. it was small but thoughtful, and your heart skipped a beat.

“percy, you actually made this?” you asked, your voice soft.

“yep. I thought it might be… kind of cool? and, you know, I’m getting pretty good with a knife.” he scratched the back of his neck, his usual cocky grin replaced by a slight blush. “I know it’s not the best thing in the world, but… I thought you might like it.”

you were completely speechless for a moment, your heart swelling. “percy, it’s perfect. I love it.” you carefully slid the necklace around your neck, admiring it for a moment. “thank you.”

“well, you know… anything for you,” he said, his voice softening, and for a second, he looked so uncharacteristically sincere that it made your heart flutter. “I’d do anything to make you smile.”

“you already do,” you whispered, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “yeah, angel? I do?” he said with a smirk, making you him and nod.

“well, what else can I do to make you smile, m’lady?” he teased, putting one of his hands behind his back as he held your hand in his other, bowing down jokingly as he gave you a kiss on the back of your hand, just over your knuckles.

“mmhh.. get me a capri sun.”

————————————————————————————

a/n : hi hello I am currently craving capri sun but unfortunately it costs 0.5$ and I do NOT have that kind of money to spend in the school cafeteria💔

[bedouinpoet]

leader, lover, sir, and broken dream part 3

Aaron Hotchner x female BAU Reader

warning: 18+ only please smuttt 🫣, unprotected sex, public play, mentions of murder, drug use, theft and loss. final part of this story line hopefully more to come! Always open to suggestions please feel free to comment or message me.

PART 3 AND FINALE: CHOICE

you woke up to the sound of a phone ringing, Hotch’s phone

“Aaron”

your mouth is dry, you tap his chest that your head is still laying on, “hmm?” His eyes stay closed with a glint of a smile on his lips, and for a moment you just look at him, his peaceful demeanour, his sexy bed hair “are you staring perv?” You scoff but damn his morning voice is already getting you wet, you laugh “I’m not the one already hard” you look down and slowly tease his cock already getting you wet how good it looked “mmmm fuck y/n yes”

his eyes roll back and you start to pump him harder. When his phone went off again “ughhhhhh someone’s calling you agent hotchner” you kiss his cock before he gets up…”hurry back” he kisses your forehead “just get that pretty mouth ready” you smirk up at him “yes sir” he goes to the sofa to get his phone from his pants. You lay in bed unable to control your smile, your happiness. That wall around your heart is starting to break but then you hear Hotch on the phone “hey sweetie sorry uh it was just a long night. Can I call you back in a minute?”

Beth

how could you forget about Beth. Your smile fades at the realization of what you both did. Your happiness turns to a painful guilt and the walls stay strong. You sit up and start to feel overwhelmingly vulnerable in your naked state, you quickly put your sweater on and a pair of sweats on. Your heart pounding in your ear as you hear Aaron come back in your room “y/n?” “that was Beth wasn’t it?” You keep your back to him, terrified to even look at him, fear the tears will start and not stop, but you try to stay strong, resolute “y/n sweetheart I -“

“it’s fine….i…I don’t expect anything from you, I pushed it last night, drunk and high…it’s fine I don’t….i just thought… I don’t know” before you react you’re in his arms and the dam breaks, you start hitting his chest, push him away, crying, but he keeps you firm in his arms, against his chest, kissing your head, his voice shaky “no no no honey, baby that’s not it high or not I meant it, I love you, I’ve always loved you it’s just-fuck-“ he shakes his head

“it’s just you love Beth too”

you finally push away and find yourself holding your arms, turning away from his tear filled eyes. “Y/n please I don’t want to stop being with you-I just got you back, maybe -I don’t know”

you roll your burning eyes “maybe what Hotch? I’m not the other woman, not the mistress and you’re not that kind of guy, it would eat you up inside, it would break you…I love you too but I can’t, I won’t let us become something we aren’t. You found something good with Beth, something simple and good and I’m -“

I’m too fuccked up, too much, not good enough

Is all you can think, almost ready to say it but your cries get in the way as you see Hotch’s tears stream down his face, that just makes you cry worse “I’m not gonna ruin what you have…you should go Hotch, go call Beth back, pick up jack just go please !” He tries to step towards you to bring you back into his arms but you step back “I want to be alone!” Your cries become stifling and he clearly wants to say something but your pleading worked. He takes a shaky breath “I’ll- I’ll text you later, we need to talk about it please y/n I’ll give you your space”

“don’t bother there’s nothing to talk about you’re with Beth and I’m not your slut now get out”

he doesn’t answer, or can’t, you hear him get dressed and close the front door. The moment the door clicks shut you drop to your knees and craw to the bed, crying, wondering how much more your heart can take. But you knew you made the right choice. You love Hotch more than words could say but being his side woman would eat you both up inside. So you cry. And try to forget last night and the pain and desires that are seeping through every ounce of your body and heart.

…

The first few months were torture for you. Everyday you worked by Aaron Hotchner his professionalism increased as did his coldness towards you. He rarely called you by name and he made sure to pair you off with anyone but him. His eyes rarely met yours. Maybe this was best. Easier for both of you. Or at least for him…for you this was painful, each cold shoulder, every time he refused to be in the same room with you. It chipped away at you.

You were doing your paperwork, in your home office. Hotch took a couple days off to take Jack to New York to see Beth. You genuinely hope they are having fun. They both need and deserved this…but apparently not as much of a break as you thought when Pen calls “hey what’s up?”

“Hi pretty lady, Hotch needs us ASAP in New York. We’ll talk deets on the jet” you feel your heart drop and you almost choke with worry. You rush with your go bag your pounding fear consuming you.

“Is he okay? What happened? Just tell me he and Jack are ok and safe Pen” your mind runs and sprints to worse case scenario “he’s fine y/n its his brother Sean”

Now your heart pounds for a different person, another Hotchner boy. You haven’t seen Sean since you and him went out for coffee….after he slept over at your place….welp….this is going to be interesting and you dread the awkwardness to come…

The moment you land, you head to the club Sean worked at, while Morgan and JJ go to the club aka the newest murder site. Blake goes with Reid to build some kind of preliminary profile and triangulate the clubs to see the unsubs comfort zone. You and Rossi both agreed that he should stay with Hotch. He is gonna need a lot of support in this. You meet the sleeze bag manager Thane and try to get answers as he tries to get in your pants “Did you know the victim well? Mister…”

“Thane just Thane please”

he winks at you and every part of you wants to punch this guy in the stomach as he clearly undresses you with his eyes obviously.

”you know…when this whole terrible business is done…I’d be happy to give you a VIP spot in my club for the night….i’ll show you a great time”

he caresses your arm and you slap it away “how about instead….” You lean in to whisper to him and you spot how excited he gets “you show me the bathroom the victim bled from her eyes and ears from huh?” He shudders at the mention of the incident and you wonder if that’s guilt or disgust, when your disgust towards this guy turns into excitement when you hear-

“I’ll show her Thane don’t worry”

Sean….you could recognize that voice anywhere damn these Hotchner men and and their hot ass voices that get you going. You turn to see Sean smiling at you brightly despite alll the loss and horror he had seen the last few weeks, he smiled like he was genuinely excited to see you and it was nice to feel so wanted. You smile “thanks that would be great” the moment Thane leaves you and Sean walk together to the woman’s bathroom and you nudge his arm and smile “its good to see you Sean…” you see his breath hitch as you look up to him and he smiles a shy cutest smile as he looks at you with those heavenly blue eyes “you too y/n …I didn’t know if you’d be happy to see me or-“

”of course I’m glad to see you hun…I’m sorry its been so long just when you had a girlfriend I- “

you see the hurt in his eyes and you wanna beat yourself up so you try to change the subject “so…tell me what happened don’t hold anything back”

Sean tells you the whole thing but you can tell he’s holding back as you both stand by the last stall where apparently her and Thane were making out “we figured she needed some air so we took her outside and that’s when she … welll….you know” he’s lying, you can tell, and something tells you she probably died in the bathroom but that cocky manager didn’t want to be connected in any way. “Okay so be honest here….she was clearly drugged with acid and some other substance….is there a chance your manager could have slipped her the acid in her drink or something?” He scoffs unexpectedly with absolute hatred “yea…there’s a chance and likely, he’s done it before but never like this, I don’t think he did it this time, he was genuinely shook up” you can tell the dislike for this guy seeps through Sean but then you consider what he says “wait he’s done it before though? And you didn’t do anything about it?” Your attitude that you usually reserve for Hotch starts to come out as he rolls his eyes at you “and what was I supposed to do y/n? I need this job” his voice starts to raise to match your attitude “so you just let these girls get drugged as your boss takes advantage and gets his rocks off!?” You feel your cheeks heating with red hot anger and your dislike for Thane only solidifying “what!? You’re blaming me now? For fuck sakes I have done something! He swore he stopped pulling that shit! I need this job, everyone does here, we don’t have the luxury of a government job ya know? No one can say anything to Thane so I don’t need your judgement agent-“ his sarcasm and anger with “agent” reminds you of Hotch during your past arguments and it makes you want to throw up. Your blood boils and you step closer as he does the same. You’re about to say something when you see the pain in his eyes and remember what Hotch told you…Sean…he’s suffered enough and lost a woman he loves because of this.

“I’m …I’m sorry Sean. It’s just been long day…I’m not judging you I promise and-“ you take one of his hands in yours and once again you notice his breath hitch and those blue eyes darken “and I’m sorry Sean…Hotch told me that one of the girls killed was your girlfriend. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been. I’m so sorry and if you need anything or want to talk I’m here for you okay?”

You don’t know what came over you as you feel the seconds in silence pass by heavily but as he smiles gratefully at you, he rubs his thumb on your knuckle, looking at your eyes and then your lips. Maybe it was the moment of vulnerability….maybe because he reminds you so much of his brother and how long it’s been since you’ve gotten any action but he suddenly grabs your waist with one hand with his other hand still holding yours and without a thought his lips are in yours and fuck is it good to kiss someone. you haven’t since that night with Aaron and at this point you need this. You kiss back roughly grabbing the collar of his shirt and deepening it. His tongue already playing with yours as you bite his bottom lip and he moans in your mouth as he starts to squeeze your breasts as he kisses your neck “fuck….yes” you moan as he lifts you onto the sink counter, fitting himself comfortably between your legs and you lower your hand from his hair down to his pants as you palm his hardness through his jeans, his breath quickens as he groans your name and he thrusts into your hand, desperate for more. He grabs your thigh harder trailing his hand up to unbuckle your pants. Without hesitation you wiggle out of your pants as you unbutton Sean’s shirt, kissing his neck and biting “fuck! Yes yes y/n fuck I missed you and your bites” you both laugh “then prove it-“

“What?” He groans

“fuck me like you missed me” you smirk up at him and his eyes are almost all black you could barely see a hint of blue as he groans “fuuuck” he growls and unzips his pants and your already wet for him as he teases your entrance with his tip “damn you’re so wet baby” before you could reply he thrusts in you so hard you feel him in your cervex like a jack hammer and you both moan in unison as he fills you so nicely “fuck yes harder Sean!” As he thrusts in you upwards hitting that spot that makes your legs shake damn these hotchner men and knowing your body so well. You already feel your stomach constrict and your pussy clenches his cock as your climax is at the edge of peaking

“fuck! Yes! Cum for me y/n baby cum for me” as he nibbles your ear to your neck, his pace non stop as he chases his high too and with that final order that sounds too familiar you lose yourself and cum you feel Sean not close behind as he slams his hand on the mirror behind you groaning “fuuuuuck”

you wrap your arms around his neck “its okay…you can cum in me” the shock in his eyes was momentary as it turns to lustful darkness as his pace goes even harder “you-are you sure?”

He asks breathlessly and all you can say is “please” and with that plea Sean loses all control and thrusts so deep inside you, you feel like you feel him in your stomach as he releases. You hug each other breathlessly as he kisses your neck “I definitely missed that” he whispers and you can’t help but laugh “me too” when you feel his phone vibrate and dread overtakes you when you see the name “Aaron” with a picture of him and Jack “shit. It’s Aaron he said he’s gonna want to see me at the station” you start to dress and fix yourself up

”I’ll come with you. I got everything I could from here. Plus we can get some coffee-“ you wink and stick your tongue out “on you of course….gotta show me that New York hospitality” and his laugh breaks through all the pain you’ve been feeling, only for a moment, but its better then nothing “sure thing I’ll drive…”

…

you step into the station, your iced coffee and his coffee with two milk and two sugar in hand. Laughing together until you notice Aaron glaring at you “uh oh problem with big bro. I better go see him…”

“yea I should go help with the profile” before you walk away you hug Sean and whisper “take it easy on your bro and remember everything he asks you is out of care and is needed” he nuzzles his face into your neck for a moment “ill try to keep that in mind….hey y/n?”

”hmm?”

“Could I see you later?” He whispers in your ear and you can’t help but blush at the proximity and as you release each other and look in Hotch’s direction you spot the darkness and heated anger in Hotch’s eyes. You smile smugly at him and wave “sure I’ll text you” and you go your separate ways smiling at Hotch as his eyes don’t stop following you. And you can’t help but feel smug at the obvious jealousy you’ve caused ‘good. After all the bullshit he’s put me through’ you think before Reid and Blake tell you about the geographical profile.

….

you all head to the hotel, Hotch deciding its best to leave Jack at Beth’s during the case. Sean insisted on helping and seeing what information he could get out of Thane via recording him and going undercover. You shoot Sean a text as you get your room key from Hotch and you all head to the elevator

y/n: hey just got my room, wanna come? Can help prep for tommorow ;)

less then a minute later

Sean: Sounds perfect I’ll bring you your iced coffee as a token of my appreciation ;)

”oh ho ho I know that smile….our y/n has some one special” you hear Morgan and you quickly put away the phone as you notice Hotch, Morgan, Reid and Blake looking at you in the elevator. You scoff “nope-just a friend”

“come on now pretty girl you can tell me…have some fun planned?”he winks and you playfully roll your eyes “oh honey you couldn’t handle the fun I’m into” with that the door opens and you all head to your respective rooms. You quickly take a shower, shave, and put your admittedly purposefully sexy lace black bra and panties, your shorts that leaves little to the imagination with your curves and your baggy sweater you’ve had for years since high school graduation.

Knock knock knock

You run to the door without hesitation excitedly opening the door “hey that was quick! I expect that iced coffee as perfect as a French cafe and-“ your heart stops in your throat when you see Hotch, tussled hair, loose tie “wha- Hotch?” You’re confused why he’s so speechless when you remember what your wearing and blush as his eyes roam over your body like you are his favourite meal

“Hotch….whats up?”

Your confusion turns to worry when he finally talks “I just. I just wanted to check in on you and thank you for coming to help me and Sean-“ you could tell there is obviously more he wants to say when

“shit” you whisper

”uhhh Aaron?” Sean steps up with two coffees in hand and the silence makes you want to crawl under your blanket and disappear “Sean? What are you doing here?” Sean looks at you for some signal of what you want him to say but at the moment you’re confused and speechless so Sean exhales deeply “uh y/n just wanted. To help prep me for tomorrow-“

“I told you I’d prep you tomorrow? If you were nervous why not tell me?” There is clear hurt in his tone and it breaks your heart you try and ease the tension “I invited him and offered to pre prep plus I wanted more coffee when have I ever denied free coffee? Plus wanted to catch up we became friends after he visited you in Quantico I wanted to know how you were as a big bro he wanted to know How you were as a boss….turns out not a huge difference” you wink at him and you feel the tensions ease slightly “come in Sean…I’ll see you tomorrow Boss…say hi to Beth and Jack o lantern” and you guiltily close the door on Aaron Hotchner, a piece of your heart breaks with it. Maybe it was seeing Aaron so vulnerable and messy like that, that made you flashback to that night or the reminder that he is probably with Beth right now made you want and need a distraction and here one was in the image of a hot, longing, Sean Hotchner. And you spent that night being distracted over and over and over again. By the end you were so sore you couldn’t get up. And you don’t want too, so you stay under the blankets curled up against Sean’s heat.

2:30 am in the warmth of Seans arms as he gently kisses your shoulder neck cheek lips. You smile back at him “I think you broke me. How am I supposed to work tomorrow?” He laughs in the nape of your neck mid kiss “I Take that as a compliment baby “ you love the sound of that Hotchner laugh its contagious, heart filling, and for you, breaking. But for the first night in a long time you fell asleep peacefully….You wake to banging at your door. Your immediate reaction was to reach for your gun when you hear Aaron’s voice

“y/n its me”

Hotch’s authoritative tone through the door demanding you to open the door but fuck your legs are so sore. Sean casually kisses your shoulder and with his morning voice he rasps “don’t worry I got it” he gives you one more kiss then puts his pants on, remaining shirtless. You quickly check your phone….its only 6:30 what the fuck is he doing here so early? You slowly sit up as Sean opens the door and for a moment Hotch stands in utter shock looking back and forth between his brother and you. Naked you. You lift the blanket to your chest trying to cover yourself, trying to hide your blushes. The shock turns into a mix of anger, and something else you can’t quite place other than dominant possessive-ness and it makes you quiver “just friends huh?” Before either of you could say anything Hotch continues “I was looking for you Sean you don’t believe in answering your phone? Go back to your place, change into your work clothes then meet me at the station so we can set you up…now Sean” before he could protest Sean notices the same thing you did in his older brothers eyes. The look that was best not to push right now

“right just have to get dressed” he quickly puts his shirt on and gives you a quick kiss “I’ll see you later-“ you smile at his kiss and nod. Noticing Hotch standing at the door, the whole time. He lets Sean pass through…barely. And you think he is going to follow him but instead he steps into your room and slams the door shut, the suddenness makes you start and as he stands at the foot of your bed. Eyes deadly on you. You notice just how naked you are and try and stay as under the blanket as possible as he notices your lace lingerie thrown on the floor. Hotch’s eyes turn damn near black as he repeats his prior question “just friends huh?” You swallow. You’ve never been scared of Aaron Hotchner but right now your legs shake from fear and and from how much those eyes turn you on

”well?”

“Hotch I-“

he rolls his eyes and his voice booms “for fuck sakes stop calling me hotch like we are talking about work right now”

”fine…Aaron- me and Sean, we are friends….just with some benefits and -“

”And what!? Friends with benefits with my brother? Out of anyone, my brother!?”

You admittedly see where the upset is coming from but at the same time, now you feel yourself getting pissed. What right does he have to decide who you sleep with? Especially when he is in a whole ass RELATIONSHIP with Beth.

“Would it matter if it was someone else? You act like you wouldn’t be pissed if another random dude answered, we both know you’d still be all pissy!”

Hotch’s face tells you all you need to know. You’re right. “That’s not the Point-“

“that’s exactly the point! Fuck Aaron what do you want from me!? You gett pissed off when I fuck someone else, when I hug someone else when I tease someone else when I flirt…you broke up with me Hotch! Remember? You broke my heart. So I can’t be with you…I can’t be with anyone else what the fuck do you want?” He scoffs even while his eyes start to fill with tears and pain “so it’s either co workers or my BROTHER!? Can’t be anyone else? Maybe the issue is your choice in-“

“Don’t you dare! You have lost the privilege to have any say in who I fuck. And I’m gonna keep fuckin whosoever I want until you man up and choose me or make your choice and stick to it. Cause right now you have no right Aaron Hotchner” you got up off the bed and stop close to him Butt naked but you don’t care even as your voice shakes, your nakedness clearly having an affect on Hotch as you see his growing bulge that just gives you the confidence you need to continue “make your choice Aaron Hotchner. Then talk to me, until then….you can leave so I can get dressed, meet you at the station hotch this conversation is over don’t worry about waiting for me Sean can pick me up” you turn to get your stuff from your bag and you hear Hotch stomp out of the room, slamming the door behind him. No tears this time. You said what you need to say. Now it’s his move, his choice.

….

3 months passed since that conversation in your hotel room. The case ended less then satisfactory. Sean arrested for stealing and selling a couple boxes of the tainted whine (without his knowledge that the wine was poisoned he just needed the money) but with the help of Hotch and yourself assisting and speaking for him in his trial, he got a few months prison sentence then community service. You visit him when you can. Despite everything you and Sean really were friends and decided it was best to stay that way. He reminded you too much of Hotch and it wasn’t fair for him to fuck him because of it. Since the case Hotch went from overly professional to just plain cold avoidng you at all costs ‘guess he made his choice’ you think. It’s 3 months passed with this coldness, right now you needed a distraction and you just want to go out with some friends. Pen and Reid and Morgan to the rescue. Morgan drove you all to some bar and on your second round you are all laughing and talking and dancing when you receive a text from the last person you’d expect

Hotch: where are you?

y/n: um out? Why? is there a case?

you check to see if anyone got a text as well? Heard of a case but everyone shakes their heads “sounds like someone’s in trouble? That’s what happens when you decide to stall on paper work” you flip Morgan off before he laughs off to the dance floor…you laugh and shake your head about to put your phone down when it dings

Hotch: your apartment. now.

at first you just laugh at the audacity and ignore him until he texts again

Hotch: please y/n….i need to talk to you face to face

you roll your eyes in frustration but he hasn’t spoken to you in months, now this? It must be important. You give everyone a hug goodbye and order an uber. When you get to your apartment you think your eyes must be deceiving you when the elevator opens and you see THE Aaron Hotchner sitting in front of your door. Wearing nothing but Sweats and t shirt…he’s never left his home so underdressed you start to worry somethings happened…”Hotch? What’s wrong?” The moment you talk his eyes dart up and he quickly stands, you smile as he fixes himself “yea-I just….we need to talk, can we please go inside?” You nod your head and make quick use of your keys to unlock your door. Hotch less than a step away. You enter and he closes the door behind you both

”want something to drink? Water? Coffee?” You notice the bags under his eyes. His grey sweats loose. His black shirt tight. Deadly combination “uh water please” you quickly get him a cup and yourself “so…what-“

“You”

“what?”

”you told me to make my choice and I did…you, y/n its always been you”

”but Beth-“

“we broke up. She got a job in Hong Kong and I told her she should take it, it was mutual” time feels like it stopped. Like the earth stopped moving. He takes your silence anxiously so he nervously continues “I haven’t done right by you. I’ve regretted the day I ended it since I said those words and I wont make excuses but I’m so tired of us going back and forth y/n I want you I-i-i love you, I need you. I want to be with you. I want you to be with me, no one else, I can’t sleep, the very idea of someone else with you eats me up. Everyday I couldn’t hug you, kiss you, be there for you broke me. No more back and forth…if-that is-if you’ll have me still- I’m all in baby all yours I miss you and so does Jack and-“ you feel every scar on your heart heal, the walls crash down and all you can do is laugh

“Aaron Hotcher stop talking and kiss me already-“

you can see the stress, the nervousness, the pain evaporate from his face and he smiles at you with such love and longing you feel you could fly, a smile you haven’t seen in too long and damn have you missed it. With two steps his body is flush with yours and he kisses you like he’s craved you all theses years, like he needs you, he kisses you like a man starved of your lips, you’re the only cup of water in a desert, and you do the same. You wrap your arms around his neck and gasp as he grabs your ass he takes your gasp as his opening and his tongue is in your mouth intertwining with your own, messy, sloppy, and so fucking hot. His tongue grazes your teeth before he bites your bottom lip hard and you moan in his mouth before releasing you, his gaze makes you melt as he caresses your cheek “i missed you so much” you smirk up at him “prove it…sir” his eyes darken and you feel his hand graze down to your neck gently wrapping around your neck and tightening his grip as you feel your panties soak “oh I intend to sweetheart and this time I’m never letting go, i want to own you and you own me baby”

his hold on your neck tightens and you feel the wetness stick to your panties “good….own me sir and once you do…no more pushing me away Aaron-“ you grasp his shirt collar and his hands lower to your waist “promise me Aaron” he looks at you desperately and you realize the power you hold. Tonight you want to take control. You move his hands and step back. Confusion and half whimper fills his face…you strip slowly before he could talk and his eyes turn black as he licks his lips he reaches for you but you smile and back away “nope. You don’t get to touch me until you promise me Aaron Hotchner. No more pushing me away” his eyes turn loving, he smiles at you like you’re the only person in the world for him “I promise y/n” he slowly stalks towards you like a predator after its prey as he grabs your waist his hands slowly exploring your body, every touch like fire, such a good fire

”I’m all yours baby no more pushing you away….please just forgive me”

his desperation evident and you kiss his neck, you take off his shirt and your hands gently touch every scar on Hotch, his breath hitches and he groans as you start to kiss his scars you look up at Aaron “there is nothing to forgive, you’re here now. We’re together, that’s all that matters” your kisses and touches deepen as you kiss right above the band of his sweats, his hard on evident as you’re on your knees Aarons eyes darken as he moans at your every touch “p-please y/n” his pleading is the hottest sound and you slowly push his sweats down kissing on top of his boxers “I want to be in control tonight Aaron, at least for a bit” he gently touches your cheek and nods “of course babe I’m all yours take me and what ever control you need” with that you quickly stand up

“what are you-“

”I want you in my bedroom” he laughs and takes your hand as you lead him to your room the door closes and you push him to your bed, he sits at the edge and growls as he grabs you close to him, you stand up and put your hands through his hair, his head following your hands like a dance as his eyes roll back and moans as you pull his hair “you’re killing me baby”

you giggle “it’ll be worth it” you lightly pull his hair again as he kisses your breast when you pull his hair he bites at your nipple, “Aaron yes!’ You moan grasping tighter at his hair making him grown as he kisses down your body, biting and leaving bruises…he’s marking you…he’s owning you. Without a thought before you could react Aaron grabs you and lays you down on the bed like you’re a rag doll and he’s on his knees in front of the bed, he pulls you closer, your legs on his shoulder looking up at you for permission feeling his hot breath on your heat already drives you crazy all you could do was nod repeatedly, desperately and with that he smiles and his tongue drags from your entrance to your clit over and over, he teases your entrance with one of his thick fingers, as his tongue makes work with your clit, sucking then using his tongue on your clit you already start seeing stars as his finger enter and then the second, his pace relentless as he curves his fingers up hitting the sponge that makes you see stars as your about to cum your legs shake “that’s right sweetheart cum for me-“ he sucks and lightly nips your clit licking your pussy over and over, your legs shake as you pull his hair for some kind of support as the coil snaps and you clench his fingers, cumming all over them. Hotch fingers you through your orgasm and licks you clean removing his fingers and quickly sucking the rest of your wetness from his fingers. Fuck you need him.

“Aaron fuck me now” he laughs darkly like he was just waiting for you to say that. He quickly goes on top of you and your legs open for him, his body the perfect fit for you. You find the anticipation of feeling him stretch you too much and you move your hips higher just to feel him. He smirks at you pushing you’re waist down “tsk tsk tsk so needy” you start to pout “heyyyy I was supposed to take control today remember”

you whine, both of you knowing dam well he’s in control but right now you need to get fucked you need Aaron “of course sweetheart you’re in control” he winks at you and kisses you as he adjusts himself to your entrance. You stop him “I wanna ride you” his eyes emulate the growl he lets out as he swiftly switches both of you like its nothing, his hand grabbing your waist bruisingly harsh as you grind his cock, loving the friction “fuck y/n how are you so fucking hot” you giggle and blush “you want me sir?” He groans as you continue to grind and tease him your hands on his chest supporting yourself, it feels so good as he nods “yes yes yes y/n fuck I need you”

”mmm beg me sir”

you lick your lips as his grip on your waist tightens causing a hot pain you can’t get enough of “p-please y/n I need to feel your pussy baby fuck-“ you can’t take it you need this just as badly you adjust Aaron to your entrance and without warning he pulls your waist down and you feel every inch slam into your pussy filling you and stretching he hisses as you moan and both of you groan as you ride him “fuck y/n” his eyes roll back as you ride him like your life depends on it. Raising yourself till just the tip is in you and he grabs your waist again slamming you down over and over as you scream and your vision almost fades as his hand begins to move to rub your clit his callused thumb relentless and you feel you might black out with how sensitive your clit feels “that’s it baby cum on me like a good girl” his thumb doesn’t stop even as you grab his hand and that coil snaps as you cum on him “fuuuuck” he growls guttural as you moan his name over and over like a mantra, your head feels dizzy when he grabs you down hugging you to him as he bites your neck and thrusts up to you harder and harder relentlessly you moan and scream his name “that’s it baby, scream my name scream who owns you”

“y-y-you do sir…AARON!” He growls as his pace feels like he is skewering you as he chases his own high and you feel him unravell as he thrusts his seed as deep in you as possible “y/n!” He yells your name and for a moment you both just stay like that in each others arms, breathing, panting, you still feel dizzy. Aaron gently kisses your neck and shoulder all the places he left bruises. He gently moves you laying you down and he goes to the bathroom. Hotch comes back with a warm wash cloth, he gently cleans you up and you can barely move as you raise your arm, pouting, begging for cuddles, he throws the cloth to the side and covers both of you as he puts you in his arms. You face each other as he caresses your arms and face

”I love you”

his gaze never wavering, making you blush, you thought you’d never see that look again, hear those words again. You trail your hand on his chest, then his cheek “I love you so much Aaron” you lightly punch his arm

”ow what’s that for?” He laughs pretending that it hurt

“That! Was for pushing me away!” You smile as you kiss him deeply and he moans in gladness in your mouth “mmm and what was that for??”

“That’s for coming to your senses” he laughs and hugs you “always baby” and with that, you sleep in his arms. Falling asleep with the man of your heart. Realizing that all those problems was worth it because now you’re here, together, against the world.

The End

[frenchy-and-the-sea]

There is a very exquisite agony in playing a game you love so so so so so much, and realizing that one of the other players is trying to play a totally different game than you.

[dickvinci]

and i know i could and possibly might just start posting about fics and what not that i'm writing her and set up a kofi and take suggestions and what not but. it's a lot of work.

[itsalwaysdark]

its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF

[phagodyke]

the titration providers love sending me huge blocks of text right when I'm at my least capable of processing the written word

[dashiellqvverty]

my opinion on season 11 is that ian and mickey were all over the place from episode to episode and i ultimately wasn’t very happy with where it ended for them

[pumpking64]

.

[ourceliumnetwork]

never doubt the power of the OBX Gender Euphoria Hoodie of Swagness: it doesn't eliminate the sensory issues i've got from the tape on the electrodes but it sure does make me feel less like i want to tear every inch of skin off 10/10 can recommend.

[orcelito]

Sometimes. Impulse purchases. Can be so personal.

[realboutfatalfury]

it might just be bc it's late and i get sad sometimes when it's late but i'm sad i like feeel soooo bad about several things and i feel like i want to cry but i can't ughh idk...

[teaboot]

Sometimes I think a lot about my mom's cat

My mom's cat is a common domestic shorthair we found on the side of the road as a kitten

Regular cat, not a maine coon or one of those massive breeds. His mom was smaller than a loaf of bread

But in a sort of a Clifford The Big Red Dog situation, he grew super fast, and really really big, and took a super long time to stop growing

Worried that she was overfeeding him, she eased back his portions, but he stayed a massive round baby

When he started having kidney problems, she took him to the vet.

The vet took a look at him and said, "holy fuck, what are you feeding him", checked the nutritional listings on his chow, and told her "Yeah, maybe he's reacting badly to the amount of grain in this, try a meatier diet"

So my mom wound up special-ordering this specific high-protein prescription cat food made of like. Kangaroo meat or some shit that cost like sixty bucks a bag

And, as typical act two in an episode of House, he somehow got worse on the fancy specialized stuff that was supposed to be Primo Athlete Olympic Feline Blend

Like. WAY worse. His guts were inflamed and his kidneys were shutting down and he was all sore and HE WAS STILL HUGE, just miserable and sad

So shetook him back to the vet, where they had to help him pee (he was apparently close to bursting and had some kind of blockage too) and went "Yeah no this is NOT normal and we don't know what's going on, we're gonna do some tests but in the meantime you should go back to what he was eating before, at least that wasn't actively killing him" so she did

And he still wasn't great, but he also improved

And so they take his blood and do an ultrasound and a couple g's later she gets a call back like "this is gonna sound crazy, but we want you to put him on a low-meat diet. Just the least amount of protein and iron and shit. We need you to find the grainiest, filler-iest dollar tree kibble available and give him some of that bad bad shit"

And my mother is a woman of science. So she did

And he GOT BETTER

His energy picked back up, inflammation went down, he started drinking normally again, got back to pissing like a fuckin champion

And so it turns out that out of all the random ass freeway bonus cats we possibly could have scooped out of a ditch, WE got the one-in-a-million freak of nature with a SPECIFIC genetic defect that means a paleo protein free range diet is essentially poison and he THRIVES on cheap ass garbage

Like. He medically NEEDS junk food

I dont really understand how that works, but i cant argue with results.

If we had four of him, they'd outweigh my mom. And he's FINE

Also blind, but that's unrelated

Im not using him as a symbol or a metaphor or anything. I just keep catching myself thinking about my mom's Big Fucking Cat

[inkskinned]

you said you were stuck in a time loop, which was fine. i feel like late-stage capitalism has us all in a time loop, ammiright? you came barging in at 5:33. in the morning. i hadn't even processed the idea of coffee.

but you had this look of utter panic in your eyes. terror like the ocean. you grabbed my cheeks. im in a time loop.

i don't know why in movies the first reaction is to deny it. when someone is panicking like that, it's not appropriate to ask them to calm down. it didn't matter if i believed it, what mattered was that you believed it so much that it was consuming you.

so here we are. i pour you some of the dark roast. "you look like utter and entire hell," i say.

you push your fingers into your eyes. "you always say that."

i try to think of something funny to say that i wouldn't have said on previous time loops, but jokes don't land without the proper timing (lol). "remind me to think -"

"-yeah, of a joke that only works in the future. and before you say anything, i know you're pissed i just stole your punchline." you bolt the coffee, which is wild. it's very hot. you don't seem to notice.

i blow on mine to cool it down. i both am very pissed at you and also i can't see you in this amount of panic without wanting to help. but i'm also not really sure what we are, not since i saw you kiss her like that, no offense. it just was like, kind of rude when you knew i liked you.

and besides. i'm just like, barely a person. i write omegaverse fanfiction. i love the concept of a time loop, but what the fuck am i gonna do? send an alpha in there? i open my mouth.

you point at me. "you're about to ask why me. and then say some disparaging shit about yourself. i'm just a nerd who plays dnd or something. that self-own is slightly different each time." you sigh. "i know you think you can't really help me. i don't know who can help me. i only came to you because you fucking believe me." you check your watch, sigh, and throw your head back. you cover your eyes with one hand. "i've come here on 26 separate revolutions," you say. "you have believed me every time. and yeah, i have no idea how you fit into this but i just -" you sigh again. "i just like fucking talking to someone about it."

"do you need more cof-" i start, but you're already holding the empty cup out. i frown at it. "you're not getting any more until you promise not to bolt this one like an animal."

you laugh a little and sit up, pushing your hair out of your face. "okay, that's new dialogue. but to be fair to you, i'm not usually this rude. i'm still pretty new at all of this." you check your watch again. another sigh. i guess you're cruising for a personal best in the Sigh Olympics.

i almost tell you im not an NPC but i've played enough video games to know i'm very much an NPC. i pour you another cup. "so what happens in the loop?"

"really bad explosion." you mutter into the mug. you put your elbows on the table (rude) and bury your face in your arms like an angsty teenager. one hand floats up while you talk, because evidently you literally can't talk without your hands. "i have to save the day and there's this bomb and i have no bomb training and it keeps moving, you know."

"do i die?"

you peek up from your arms. "yeah. bigtime. you keep trying to run or stay or do anything and you always super die."

"oh."

"to be fair, like, everyone dies in it though.... so you're in good company."

i hate that you make me laugh. i hate that being around you always feels tingly and strange, this electric tension between us. something that is evidently (given how you stuck your tongue down a stranger's throat literally 3 days ago) (well. 3 for me) super one-sided. i take a sip of my coffee and close my eyes.

i die today, i guess. a little spark of panic starts at the top of my hands and starts whipping up my wrists.

"shit," you say. you look at your watch and jump to your feet. "i have to go. if i can come back, i will. i am still trying to figure out when is best to do everything, you know? the order of stuff. maybe morning isn't good for us."

i look up at you and think about how you keep kissing me in the back of my car and in alleyways and in the dark. and i can never fucking get a read on you. and i also think about how incredibly panicked you look. how broken. how long have you been doing this? "i don't want to die," i say.

you glance downwards. "well, you're not really dead, you'll come back in the loop."

"but i will have died." my hands are shaking. i am trying really hard to stay calm.

you push your hands through your hair again. "i really have to go. i will have this discussion with the next version of you, though. it is like, something i am thinking about."

"but i don't get a next version," i say. i don't really have the language for this, because i haven't had 26 tries with you. i only have my memories: you, a week ago. drunk and telling me you loved me in my ear. you, kissing her anyway. you, months ago, throwing up on my birthday, whispering to me i ruin everything i touch, always, over and over. please don't ask. i can't ever fucking have that be you.

i run my finger along the rim of the mug. "i don't want to die in this one."

you seem baffled by this. "i get that but - time will reset, you'll be fine, you won't even remember we talked about this."

"but i know now." i stand up too. "i have to live the rest of this day knowing i could die. knowing i probably am going to."

"you could always die, to be fair."

i feel my hands get out of control. "earlier, you said i always say a different insult about myself. what if you're just going through different parallel universes and those are all just different - but real - versions of myself? what if you're not in a time loop, you're in a fucking universe loop?"

"if it helps, i've wondered this too. also, you're hot in all of them. if that helps."

i point at you. "no flirting. i'm trying to figure out if i die today."

"who's flirting?" you catch my wild hands and give me that long, perfect smile. like we're in this together. "i won't let ya die." you check your watch and sigh again. "well. maybe not this time."

i grit my teeth. you are so not making quips at me while i try to explain the existential dread i'm having. "does the time loop reset if i fucking kill you?"

"honestly i don't know how long it continues after i die, because i just wake up. it could be that the loop goes until the explosion for everyone, and we're all in the loop, or it could be that when i die, the loop restarts. when i die i wake up, is all."

i pull away from you and stalk into the kitchen and start doing all 3 of my dishes. "okay, first, you know i was joking. and secondly, this is exactly my point. you don't know if this is just a parallel universe. maybe in the ones where you died, the explosion happened and nobody reset and it's just you travelling." i have to stop and push the heel of my palm into my eyeball. "... how often have you died?"

i look at you. you look at me. you give me this very sad, halfway smile and a little what can ya do shrug. something in that action seems so old and weary that i want to burst into tears.

"i have to go," you say. "really. for real. there's this family of five i save from getting into a car crash. and i know it's like oh but we're all gonna die in the explosion anyway, what's the point. and..." you shrug again. "it matters to me, is all. at least i saved them for now. at least i saved anything."

you pad over to me and wrap me in a tight hug. you always seem so tall against me. i feel your cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment. for a second, it's just us, and the space is warm, and my heart is a little broken hare.

you leave me there, and i stand in my stupid badly lit kitchen with my stupid mugs. i think about you. i start texting my mom that she needs to get out of the city, but it feels pointless.

i don't know what to do. tomorrow is the same day for you. but i have to prepare to die in my today.

[grimandghoulish]

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