#i know it’s all gonna work out fine but I kind of just want a day off. which sounds dumb but like what I mean
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'tis the damn season
🍂 feat: old flame!lee jihoon x actress!reader
🍂 genre: sfw, fluff, angst, exes to lovers, city to town life
🍂 wc: ~8.5k
🍂 summary: an actress yet to make it big in the city, you return to your hometown for christmas for the first time since leaving. seasons have changed, along with life as you know it. jihoon, however, has not, and as you spend the festive season with him this year, you struggle to get past what your life could have been if your decision had been different.
🍂 author's note: merry christmas! nothing like a christmas story to really feel the season <3 there's another note right at the bottom if you'd like to know how the story came about... but meanwhile, enjoy the story and as always, let me know what you think 🎄
T h i s Y e a r
The trees outside the window pass in a blur. Your manager glances at you from the passenger seat, and you notice it from the periphery of your vision.
"You're excited to go home for Christmas, no?"
"I am," You reply, but your voice, try as you might to make it sound enthusiastic in the spirit of the festive holiday, your voice comes out hollow, empty.
Your manager clicks his tongue. "Then try to sound like it. Your parents would not be happy to see how sullen their daughter has become."
"Nothing has happened to me, Ray," You murmur. "I just... going home after so long..."
"That happens to every star I work with," Ray remarks. "Always so jarring for them to go home."
"Other stars, yes," You reply quietly. "I...am not one."
"Not with that attitude, you aren't!" Ray chirps. "You just haven't bloomed yet. Remember the feedback about your role in 'Blacklist'? The papers praised it."
"It was just a cameo, Ray. And it all died down within a week," You remind him, not unkindly, as you are still appreciative that he wanted to compliment you. "I think the agency wouldn't lose out if my contract isn't renewed."
"Nonsense!" Ray declares as the car pulls onto a familiar bridge. Up ahead, you see old thatched roofs, the houses looming larger as you near the village. "I will talk with them, see what auditions we can put you up for. You're talented, just undiscovered."
You chuckle. "Thanks."
"Have a good Christmas break, Y/N," Ray says comfortingly, as the car finally pulls to a stop in front of your front door. "It's the season to be with your family. Don't think about work."
You nod, beginning to clamber out of the car. "You too, Ray. See you in a couple weeks."
As the car finally pulls out of the cobbled path, you gather your belongings about you, and look up at a shout of your name.
"Dad?"
"My dear girl!" Your father enthuses, drawing you into a bone-crushing hug. "Welcome home, sweetie. Oh, you've lost weight, haven't you?"
"Hm? No, not that much," You smile at him. "I'm looking forward to eating my body weight in Mom's food, though."
"She's more excited to have you home," Your father laughs. "You coming home has been all she can talk about nowadays. I think Mrs. Lee and Jihoon have had enough--"
Your blood freezes at the mention of that name. "What?"
"Mrs. Lee and Jihoon, of course."
"O-Of course." You stammer. Thankfully, your dad doesn't pick up on it as he relieves you of your luggage.
Lee Jihoon. Lee Jihoon. Lee Jihoon.
A big oak tree, an old swing, two children perched upon it, side by side.
"I'm gonna go to the big city one day!" The young girl whoops.
"For what?" The boy asked.
"To live! Mom says there are tall buildings and cars and big shops. Wouldn't it be so fun?"
"Sounds boring." The boy yawns.
"I'll bring you along!" The girl says obstinately. "I'll show you how fun it can be."
"Fine," The boy replies, swinging his small feet back and forth. "Let's go together when we grow up."
"Y/N?"
"Hm?"
"Come on! I think your mother's going to freak herself out if we don't start going over."
"Coming!"
"I still don't get what you're doing in that grotty town."
"It's my hometown, Rina."
"Yeah, yeah, I forgot you came from a forest." Your (kind of) friend's voice drawls on the other end. "I'm off, I have a YSL fitting in like twenty minutes. I'll catch you soon if you decide to leave, yeah?"
"Okay, b-" The line beeping cuts you off. You lie back on your bed, massaging your temples.
Your mother had laugh-cried her way into a hug once you made it through the door, lamenting how hard it was to see her star daughter these days. It was all you could do to bite your tongue and avoid correcting her.
You were not a star. Not at all. While your friends in the industry had piles of scripts waiting for their perusal and selection, you simply accepted whatever you got.
You didn't miss the poorly concealed smiles of mock pity directed at you when everyone shared about their recent works at afterparties. But you knew you always did your best at every role you got, no matter how small they were. Yet... there were moments when you wondered if hard work truly surpassed luck and star quality.
Your muddled mind shifts back to the setting in the kitchen as happy voices and laughter drift upstairs. The look on Jihoon's face when you made eye contact for the first time in almost three years stops you in your tracks.
He looked as relaxed and calm as ever, dressed in a comfy-looking sweater and loose pants. Nursing a cup of coffee with his mother in your kitchen where he'd been countless times, he still resembled the young man you'd left behind.
But gone was the softness in his eyes from when you last saw him. Replacing it was a certain coldness, a tough look you couldn't place. That look had only intensified as he took you in, dressed in a thick fleece coat, black pants, and boot heels to match. He had nodded his head to you in greeting, but it had lacked warmth. Understandable, really.
You had flounced upstairs after the necessary greetings, citing a large load of luggage to unpack as your excuse.
A knock on your door makes you flinch. You open it, and pause at the person standing outside. "...Jihoon."
"Your mom says to come down. She says the food's almost ready and you look too thin."
"Right. Right, I'm coming."
He shrugs and then turns away. His footsteps draw away from your room.
You pinch colour into your cheeks, the way you did when things got too hard, and brace yourself.
Jihoon was staying for dinner.
"So tell us what you acted in!" Your mom says cheerfully as she heaps food onto your plate. "I keep wanting to keep up with your shows, but it's strange, I haven't seen them on the main channel. Are they on streaming platforms or something?"
Your face falls slightly. She was right, half right to be precise. Your shows rarely ever made it onto mainstream television. And if they did, your roles were usually so small you'd just appear onscreen once. With that, it was borderline impossible for you to appear on Netflix.
Your dad rolls his eyes. "It's Christmas, dear. We should give her a break. Why, she came home to see all of us! We know how busy she is."
You shoot a grateful glance to your dad, which he returns with a wink as he raises his glass of wine. "Cheers to that."
As everyone at the table raises their glasses to meet in a sweet clinking sound, and your lips meet the rim to drink, you almost forget the way Jihoon's eyes strayed away from his plate to you when your mother brought your job up.
You're about to wash up when your father enters your room.
"Dad!" You smile, slightly buzzed by the wine and the relaxation you felt, now that you were getting used to being home. "What's up?"
I just thought I'd check in on you before we turn in," He opens his arms, and you gladly step into them. He hums as he pats your head. "Are you getting used to being here? I know it's very different from the city, but.."
"I love it, Pop," You interrupt, understanding his worry. "Nothing can really beat home, right?"
"Right," He murmurs, and he coughs to mask up a suspiciously quick sniff. "Right. Well... sleep early. Tomorrow we'll go on a stroll, and see all the stuff you've missed. We can go visit Jihoon, if you want."
"Jihoon?"
"Yeah! He's got a big truck now, helping out with the family courier business... I heard he wanted to go to the city, but he's a good man, staying back here to help his parents."
You steel yourself to ask, "Did he ever say why he wanted to go to the city?"
"Hmm... he told your mom he wanted to go find an old friend when she asked. But, I suppose that can wait for him, since he hasn't mentioned leaving at all for a while."
You only hum in response.
"He didn't show it much, but his mother says he became much more quiet after you left. You two must have been really close, huh?"
The closest in the world, you wanted to tell him, but your own mouth just couldn't utter the words.
T h r e e Y e a r s A g o
"Flowers? For me?"
"Don't make a big fuss,"
"Tulips and baby's breath! Damn, you know the way to my heart. Hold on, I'll find a vase."
"Be quick. I'm taking you somewhere and we can't be late for it."
"Is it a reservation outside the town? Jihoon, I told you that breakfast place is so expensive for absolutely no rea-"
"It's not a reservation. I've already decided, we're going to the 24-hour diner since you said you like their waffles. Somewhere else."
"You're turning red. What's up?"
"The sky. Now hurry up."
He ended up bringing you to see the sunrise. He kissed you on the cheek in the backseat of his father's (much smaller back then) truck and when you got home close to noon, he brought you to the door, stumbled out a shaky and rushed "I like you", and squeezed your hand when you smiled at him.
It was the first of many dates, snuggling on the couch, overdramatic arguments about whether Rose let Jack freeze, and above all, the first moments of a lifetime spent together. You both knew it was a given.
T h i s Y e a r
"Uncle," Jihoon greets your father before his eyes land on you. His mouth tightens.
"Hi," You say meekly, feeling like the seven-year-old girl who would hide behind her parents to do introductions on her behalf. He doesn't respond, simply lets his eyes pass over you and back to your father.
Your dad doesn't seem fazed, as he remarks, "Cleaning the truck, Hoon? It's a good brand you've got there. Impressed whenever I see it."
Jihoon lets out a polite laugh. "Yes, well... I thought I'd invest in a good one since it'll be used for a while."
Your father turns to you. "Have you ever sat in a truck?"
You shake your head no. You never got to do that on set either.
He claps his hands. "Wonderful! Jihoon agreed to bring you out on a spin around the town. I have to pick up some things for your mom for Christmas Eve, you know how she gets. And I didn't think you'd want to spend your holiday grocery shopping with me. I'd feel at ease if Jihoon is here."
Your face tightens. "What do you mean?"
Jihoon clears his throat. "Uh-"
"You two were inseparable," Your father explains cheerfully. "Nothing like a good catch-up! Jihoon, drive safe, yeah?"
And then he's backing down the walkway, waving to you both. And now it's just you and your ex-boyfriend.
Jihoon looks away from you. "Get in, I guess."
And you do. No matter what Jihoon said, it always had a magnetic effect on you. Even if that same voice is now laced with unfamiliarity and slight coldness, you wouldn't say no to him.
Soon enough you're cruising through the small town, Jihoon's eyes trained on the road. As he slows down at a red light, you hesitantly ask, "How is everything with you?"
"Fine," He answers curtly, with no further elaboration.
Well. You can't say you were surprised.
You swallow and lean back into the seat.
"It's a nice truck," You remark lamely, in a desperate hope of starting conversation. "Your dad finally decided to get a new one?"
"It isn't my dad's," Jihoon replies, monotone still. "It's mine."
"Oh."
You should have known. The truck was much larger, its seats bigger than what you remember sitting in countless times as a teenager when his dad would pick you both up from school or to each other's houses.
After a short silence, you ask once more, "Where are we going?"
"To the coast. Your dad said youmissed the place."
"That's nice," You murmur back, emotions already deflated.
Of course, it had to be the coast. He brought you there to see the sunrise, and that was where you'd finally made it official. Clearly, the memories were just as raw for him, as you noticed him physically gritting his teeth as he stopped the truck.
"We don't have to go there-" You begin, but he cuts in stiffly. "I'm bringing you here to kill time while your dad does his stuff. Don't be mistaken."
"Right," You clear your throat awkwardly. "Of course not."
You're wondering how painful it would be to throw yourself out of the truck in embarrassment when your phone rings. It's Ray, so you mumble a quick "sorry" to Jihoon, who doesn't react, and pick up.
"Ray?"
"Hey, Y/N. How's the holidays so far?"
"Good? What's up?"
"Um..."
"Ray," You tease slightly, "You never call just to ask about my holidays. What's going on?"
"So...I just got back the results for your audition for 'Freak Show'."
"How is it?" You ask, breath caught in your throat. "Ray?"
A heavy sigh comes across the line. "I'm sorry, sweets. I know how much you wanted this role."
Your heart drops, and so does your expression.
"I'm trying to at least get you a supporting role since you liked the script so much, I'll let you-"
"Ray." You take a soft breath. Ray's voice halts. "Yeah?"
"Forget it."
"But-"
"Please... just forget it," You almost sound like you're begging. "I can't sit through doing another role no one's even going to remember. I've worked my ass off, Ray, I've gone for thousands of auditions for the past seven years, and not once have I ever gotten a callback for a lead role. I even tried to re-audition, but that damn assistant director spread the word of my so-called 'desperation', my fucking ex-manager did that stupid interview with the TV, and I ended up nowhere!"
"Y/N..."
"I'm sorry," You sigh immediately, trying to calm down. "I'm sorry about that. I'm really thankful that you help me, always. Without you, I might have been entirely jobless and the agency would have fired me."
"Oh, hun," Your manager murmurs comfortingly. "Like I said, you're a good actress. Really good. It's just a pity things went south and you met that assistant director who wanted to screw with you. Otherwise, you'd be on the front pages everywhere now."
"I...It's fine. I'll live. Just, Ray..."
"Hm?"
"Don't tell Rina and the rest if they call to ask, okay?"
"Your friends..?"
"Yeah. I... I want to tell them myself." More like no, you never want them to know. You can already see the fake disappointment on Rina's face when she whips her phone out to tell the chat made up of almost twenty actresses.
Ray agrees, and he tells you again not to stress too much before cutting the call. You lean against the cushion of your seat, closing your eyes, and when someone clears his throat you flinch. "Jihoon. Sorry."
He doesn't respond, simply looks at you as if you're a stranger, and you swallow nervously. "My manager called," You explain feebly, not that he even asked.
He nods once. "I heard." His eyes aren't exactly angry, they are still slightly cold, but there's something in them that seems more curious now.
You rub your eyes to snap yourself out, and you muster a smile at him. "So where are we going?"
"To get food," He replies. "That hot dog truck you liked a lot back then is here today, my dad told me."
"Oh, that's okay--"
"Don't eat hot dogs anymore?" He asks wryly, as he puts the truck in reverse and starts parking.
"Of course I do," You reply immediately, folding your arms. "Are you mad? Giving up on snacking?"
A flicker of a smile appears across his typically stoic face before he schools it and reverts to his stern expression. "I wouldn't know. You're stick thin, anyone would think you gave up fast food."
"Well. That just comes with exercise and occasional diets. And I'm not as thin as you say," You murmur. "But no. I wouldn't give up late-night cravings. My manager's one of the nicer ones."
Jihoon snorts slightly as he turns the engine off. "Thank goodness for that, I suppose?"
You shrug, and motion for him to lead the way to the hot dog stall as you climb out of the truck. You follow him down a rough patch of grass and rocks, all while he maintains a healthy distance. The sun warms your skin, and you breathe in the fresh, salty coast air.
"I'm sorry about the role, by the way. You must have worked extra hard for it," Jihoon says suddenly, hands in his pockets as he walks next to you, now back on solid ground, and you turn to face him, your face colouring in... embarrassment? Shame? "You heard my manager?"
"No. Just you, I put the pieces together."
Oh. "Right."
"Is it not...going well?" He motions with his hand vaguely. "Sorry, I don't mean to pry."
"It's fine, Jihoon," You stifle a reluctant laugh. "You can ask."
He stays silent so you continue. "I'm not getting any lead roles, only minor ones even if I put everything I have into it..." You sigh. "My friends don't really mention me, or they make little remarks about my rejections. As an adult, you'd think I shouldn't be bothered, but it just... it gets loud sometimes."
A few moments pass, your sneakers shuffling through the sand, when Jihoon finally says, "They don't seem like friends to me."
You let out a half-chuckle. "That's how showbiz is, I guess."
"No," Jihoon disagrees. "It doesn't matter if it's the industry or not. Friends are here to lift you up, not celebrate your downs. They shouldn't be doing that to you."
He goes silent after and as you get nearer, the food truck coming into view, you mull over what he just told you.
"I guess you’re right," You finally concede after a small pause. "They really shouldn't."
He says nothing more about it, and simply exchanges swift greetings with the stall owner, who seems to know him well. You try to smile weakly at the owner, but with your emotions still running high, you can only hope it doesn't come out as a grimace.
He gets hot dogs for both of you, and you look on gratefully and with a little surprise as he reels off your order word for word: a large hot dog bun with mustard, ketchup, and extra grilled onions. He gets a soda for each of you too, and you almost groan in satisfaction when the food is done. He looks on, looking slightly amused when you dig in.
"Not your usual fine dining concept, sorry." He says as he watches you take a big bite.
"Are you kidding? Way better," You mumble through your mouthful, and he snorts before taking a bite himself.
Just like that, the tension from earlier dissolves into something a little softer, a little gentler.
"So," Jihoon says later, as you're polishing off your soda. "What's been up with you these few years?"
"What do you mean?"
"You haven't come back to visit your parents. They don't say it, but they get really worried when you don't call."
"Oh."
He raises his eyebrows at you, prompting you to go on.
"Life gets in the way." You explain, resigned. "I want to call home too, but I'm either fighting for roles that I know I'll never get or I'm trying out for more auditions. Plus, the past few years weren't a good time."
"Why?"
"Old manager," You reply, frowning at the sheer memory of the mess you engulfed yourself in two years ago. "Put me on stupid diets for no reason and when this assistant director snitched on me for being 'desperate for roles' when I tried reapplying, he gave a secret interview to the reporters."
Jihoon scowls slightly. "Right. I heard about that. Prick." You laugh out loud. "Yeah. A real prick."
"And then?"
"Not much else. I was trying to clear my name, and by then I wasn't getting that many roles either."
Jihoon doesn't say anything, and you steal a glance at him. He looks... conflicted would be a good way to put it. Like he doesn't know what to say or do.
Before you can think of something to say, anything to dispel the sudden tension, he suddenly gets to his feet. "Come on. I'm taking you home."
You raise your eyebrows. "Okay... is everything alright?" Was that your imagination, or did he just clench his teeth?
"Fine." Yup, he was definitely gritting his teeth. You're beyond perplexed. But with how angry he already looks, you're not sure you want to aggravate him further, so you get up, toss your cup into the bin, and follow him back to the truck.
The whole journey is spent in silence, and a lot of uncertain glances from your end.
When he drops you off at your home twenty minutes later, he doesn't say anything as you unbuckle your seatbelt.
"Jihoon?" You ask, turning to face him in the seat.
"Yes?"
His face freezes slightly when you tell him, "Thanks for today. I had lots of fun."
He swallows nervously, evident in the bob of his Adam's apple as he shrugs. "No problem."
"And…um… thanks for still remembering my hot dog order." You say softly, before turning to climb out of the truck.
When you get to your front porch, and then climb the stairs to your room, you look out the window.
He's still there.
T h r e e Y e a r s A g o
"Did you just say you're...leaving?"
"I got the audition. It's my big break... if I don't take the chance now, I might not ever get to. It's my dream, you know that."
"What else?"
"Huh?"
"Your dreams this, your big break that. Don't you have anything else to say?"
"...What can I say?"
"What do you mean, what can you say? What about us?"
T h i s Y e a r
The next morning arrives in the form of your mother standing over your bed. “Hey, darl, wake up!”
“Mhmm?” You mumble from under your covers and you hear her chuckle before she peels your blanket back.
“Jihoon’s mom is coming over to help with Christmas Eve dinner,” she explains. “But I totally forgot about the school donation.”
“School donation…?” What is she talking about?
“Oh! Right. So we donate a bunch of food every year to your old school. You remember it, right? Near the Methodist church?”
“Yeah,” You yawn, stretching up in bed and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.
“They pass it to orphanages for children who don’t have Christmas dinner this season. I’ve had it prepared since this morning, but with Jihoon’s mom and the dinner, I don’t think I’ll have time to drop by the school,” She looks regretful. “Would you mind helping with that, dear?”
“Sure,” You reply, cracking your neck. “I’ll handle it. Don’t worry, mom.”
“Thanks, hun,” Your mom says, looking relieved. “It’s quite a lot. We had lots to give this year. Mrs Lee said she’d send Jihoon to help you.”
“Huh?”
“I wouldn’t send you into the cold holding tons of heavy bags!” Your mom fusses. “Wash up and eat before you go — your dad got the most amazing bread yesterday.”
After she leaves, you sit there, wide awake.
Jihoon is coming.
That fact alone has you hurrying to tidy yourself for god knows what, even applying a bit of mascara and lip gloss to salvage your face.
Your phone pings as you start tidying your table, and you look at Ray's name popping on the screen.
"Remember your audition and screen test with the director of 'Who Knows Why'?" The text reads. "He's making the final decision for the female lead of his new holiday film. This guy has high standards and his films are very popular, but he likes picking new faces over the same old stars. A few of your friends are in the choices too, but...I just have a feeling this could be it. I'll let you know again. Happy holidays!"
You sigh. Who Knows Why made headlines for weeks when it hit the cinemas, critics and film connoisseurs alike singing its praises. Unless a miracle selected you while you were sleeping, you very much doubted you would make it past.
By the time you get downstairs and have a few pieces of the toasted bread — which is amazing, all warm and toasty and fresh — the doorbell rings, and your mom rushes to get the door.
“Mrs Lee!” She exclaims, hurriedly ushering the other lady into the house. “Thanks for coming by today.”
As the two exchange pleasantries, Jihoon steps into the house, removing his boots and smiling slightly when your mother coos over him too.
He merely nods in acknowledgement when he sees you. The contrast makes your stomach clench slightly.
“Ah, Jihoon,” His mother says. “Make sure to help Y/N with the bags of food, yeah?”
He simply nods again, a soft “okay” escaping his mouth, before he approaches you.
“Let’s get going,” He says conversationally.
“Okay,” You reply nervously. He raises his eyebrows as he walks to the heaping table.
He picks out most of them. Especially the biggest and bulkiest ones.
It’s fifteen minutes later when you’re walking down the path when he breaks the silence. “Are you alright?”
“Hm?” You ask. “Oh yeah, I’m fine. Why?”
“Nothing. I thought with the role thing… never mind.”
“Oh.” Truth be told, you’d barely thought of it since the hot dog outing. “Uh… I mean, what’s past is past, right?”
“I suppose.” He replies, non-committal.
And there it goes again. The choking, awkward silence that just doesn’t seem to dissipate no matter what either of you.
There’s a bit of fuss when you reach the school, what with all the grunt work passing over the food and making sure the right people get the right things, and that provides a little relief, at least for an hour or so.
After it’s all over, you find yourself at the school gates where you first met Jihoon, with the very same man, now twenty years on.
“It hasn’t changed much,” You observe.
Jihoon shrugs. “I guess. It’s like very little time passed.”
That roadblock comes back.
You swallow. “Um, Jihoon.”
He makes a humming sound in response.
“Are we…okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know,” You admit, pulling at your sweater. “You seemed angry when we were out the other day and…”
“I’m not mad.”
“Right.”
You're not convinced.
“I’m really not.” He insists, although you haven’t even said anything to contradict him.
“I know. You said so.”
“Well, you sure don’t sound like you believe me.” He says, rather scathingly.
You shoot him a quizzical look. It was a choice between acting dumb or admitting that after all this time, he could still read you like a book.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I know.” He laughs bitterly. “You never do, anyway.” He turns away as he says this.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask, slightly affronted.
“I don’t know, you tell me,” He says in a sudden show of annoyance. “Not even one call all these years, and when you finally show up back here, I find out how shit your so-called dream life has been. But I don’t know! It could just be me.”
“Jihoon-”
“And I’m just thinking, you gave up all of this?” He waves his arm outward. “You gave up everything back here… for what you have now? Was it even worth it in the end?”
“I thought that was what I wanted.” You try to answer, but it comes out pathetically. He was spot-on.
You left your family, your home, the love of your life… for something that ended up being unworthy in the slightest.
And you were now reaping the consequences.
“I…” Jihoon rubs his face, his anger now cooled into something like resignation. “You made your choice. I get that. I’m trying to understand. I just… I don’t know why you thought the life you have now, with fake friends and unnecessary drama, was better than peace.”
"It wasn't that I wanted to go through all of that... I --"
He stares at you, waiting for you to go on. But it's as if someone has sealed your mouth shut, as nothing escapes it.
T h r e e Y e a r s A g o
"You won't even bother trying? Will you fight for us?"
"How can I? The agent made it clear... once I step out, dating is out of the question.."
"So that's it? You're just going to leave for some big city, and I'll just be stuck here, waiting for someone who's already made her choice?"
"Jihoon, I... fuck, I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"All of it. I let you down."
Never had you seen your boyfriend regard you with as much disappointment as he did now.
"You did, Y/N. You really did. God, I thought--I thought we mattered more than those billboards."
"Jihoon-"
"But there's no point, right? You already made your decision. You don't intend to look back at all, do you?"
"I-"
Jihoon sighed, and bent his head in resignation, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally raised his head. "Then why are you still here?"
"What?"
"You heard me. I won't hold you back. Go on."
Silence, the raging kind that had never once blossomed between you both, took over.
After what seemed like an eternity, your mouth opened.
"We... we leave on the 17th."
He doesn't look up from his lap as you exit his room, down the creaking stairs of his family home for the last time, and you come face to face with his mom.
"Chase your dreams, dear," She'd said, clasping your hands, although you thought you saw unshed tears in her eyes as your own streaked down your face. "Come home and visit us sometime. Jihoon will be okay."
You did leave on the 17th. Jihoon turned up with his parents, and as his mom kissed you on the forehead and gave you her blessings, his gaze stayed on you, but he didn't step forward to say goodbye.
He kept looking on as you climbed into the car, and in the rearview mirror as it pulled away, you thought you saw him start to raise his hand in a momentary wave.
But then he was far gone behind you, and now you only had the road ahead for company.
T h i s Y e a r
The truck ride back is silent again. Jihoon doesn't even look in your direction, except to check his blind spots and adjacent lanes. Your mind is equally messed up, thinking about everything he said to you.
Was he right? Had you lost your way, and bargained everything you could have lived with, in exchange for friends who couldn't care less about you, and a career akin to a peakless, uphill slope?
Finally, when the silence becomes a thick, choking fog, you finally speak up. "Jihoon?"
He glances to you for a fraction of a second. "Yes?"
"If..." You struggle to find the words. "If... I hadn't made that choice..."
His head turns to you fully, his gaze now sharp. "What?"
You have to plan out what you want to say, word for word, before you go on. "If I chose to stay back then... would we have lasted? Would we have..."
Jihoon turns back to the road. "Would we have stayed together? Do you want my honest answer?"
You nod imperceptibly. "More than anything."
"We would," He says quietly, but with no hesitation as he makes a left. "I would have told you that we should set up a joint account and plan for a home together in maybe three years. I would've told you that we could go on weekly grocery runs and start thinking about moving in together. And I probably would have told you that I love you."
You freeze.
"It sounds unnecessary and stupid, but I don't want you to burden yourself with that, now," He says, sitting back and looking straight ahead. "I know you don't belong here, or to me, anymore. That's life, and we all move on, one way or another. Plus it's Christmas, and you're here now, so.... you should enjoy it before you leave."
And that's that. Just a reminder for you to enjoy yourself before you inevitably have to go. None of you need to speak to know that the conversation is over.
The drive resumes in silence.
You can't sleep. You've tossed and turned a million times, head pounding with exhaustion, but something's just stopping your eyes from shutting. Unfortunately, you know exactly why.
Jihoon's there in your mind. Sometimes the calm, steady person he's always been, sometimes a roaring, dark figure glaring at you the way he did when you said you were leaving.
Around two in the morning, you finally sit up. You have to go to Jihoon. You don't know what you're going to say, but if you don't find him, he will never stop haunting you.
You slip on a warm sweater and shoes, and gently close the front door behind you. The village is truly ready for the festivities, all twinkling golden lights and lightly falling snow. But none of that matters as you pad through the white fluff towards Jihoon's home.
When he opens the door, he's dishevelled, but doesn't show signs of having just woken up. "Uh... it's two a.m...?"
"I know it is," You say apologetically. "I'm sorry. I, uh... I couldn't sleep."
He raises his eyebrows. "Ah. I see."
You're beginning to regret this. Maybe you should've thought this through. "Look, it's okay, I'm really sorry for bothering you--"
"Guess that makes two of us," He says conversationally, as if it isn't the dead of night. "Come in. It's cold."
You wait for him to walk in before following him into the house. Try as you might, you just can't shake the feeling of nostalgia that rushes through you as you walk around the house you've visited a million times.
You know that his favourite grey mug is on the cabinet shelf above the sink. The earl grey cookies he can't live without is on the counter. The stairs still creak a little when you step on the floorboards nearby. You know him and everything that belongs to him. You know it all.
You take a seat at his table. "Will your parents be upset that I came at this hour?"
He eyes you wryly. "You know silly questions get silly answers."
You know your question is nearly pointless. You've left late, slept over, even gotten drunk in this house and his parents still doted on you nevertheless.
You shrug. "Doesn't hurt to ask."
He hums as he reaches for a hot cocoa mix. "Then my answer is no. Nobody's upset."
Five minutes later, he places a cup of steaming hot chocolate in front of you and sits down.
"So, bad dreams?"
"Huh?"
"You said you couldn't sleep. Did you have a bad dream?"
"No. Not really bad. Just... disturbing."
He raises his eyebrows. "I think that's the same thing."
"Dreams are like... like movies." You try to explain, a smile forming on your face. "Bad dreams are horrors and thrillers. Disturbing dreams are more like... like they could be any genre, but some parts and some scenes affect you more."
"Right," He says. "So Titanic was disturbing, then?"
"Very!" You blurt before you can stop yourself. "Because it still confuses me to this day, how on earth didn't Jack fit on the door?"
He breathes out a chuckle, leaning back on his chair. "It confuses me how you compare dreams to movies. They're in two complete worlds altogether."
"Admit it. It's a good analogy."
"It is," He admits. "I didn't think of that before."
You look at him, and you wonder how you can continue the conversation from here. He sits there for a few more minutes and stands up. "I'll go set up a room for you. It's snowing pretty badly, and you'll be soaked through if you walk back. I'd drive you, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to see anything."
He starts to leave the room, and you grab his arm. "Jihoon."
He looks down at your physical contact point. "Yes?"
"Earlier, when you said...when you said that movies and dreams are in two different worlds."
He looks at you. Staring unblinkingly, eyes never avoiding yours. He seems just as about to ready to confront this truth as you are.
Your dream was the movie screen, and his dream was you. Two completely, otherworldly different ones, but dreams and wishes nonetheless. Maybe now that you were once again back where you started, they could finally align.
"You weren't just talking about actual dreams, were you?"
Jihoon stiffens and steps back. "We're not doing this again."
"No, wait --" You say, closing your eyes to gather your thoughts. "I'm not going to make you tell me anything. I just want to know if you meant something else."
Jihoon swore he would give himself a pat on his back as he leaned down to look you square in the eye. "And if I said I did?"
You swallow and look at him. Your heart is pounding, and all logical thinking has been long thrown out of the window. "I'd thank the heavens for bringing me home."
His mouth finds yours and you pull him down to meet you more. It's not a cold war anymore. It's no longer a battle to see who can withstand the silence better.
And there is no more silence, you realise, because Jihoon is sniffling and your cheeks are stained with two warm droplets. "Jihoon?"
"I'm sorry," He mumbles, making no effort to withdraw. "I couldn't help it. I...I missed you. Not just this," He squeezes your hand which has somehow intertwined with his, and you squeeze back with the little strength you can muster. "Just...you. Drinking hot chocolate in my kitchen in the middle of the night, being within two streets' distance of me... eating hot dogs in my truck and sending food when Christmas comes."
You blink back tears. "I'm sorry for missing out all these years."
"Don't be sorry," He replies, imperceptibly softly, his hand coming up to stroke your cheek. "Just be with me."
You spend the night. And the night after, and the one after that.
The next three days pass like a fever dream. You go skating at the outdoor rink with Jihoon, laugh at how he wobbles his way to you like a baby deer learning how to walk for the first time, drink hot peppermint tea at a market stall after dinner, and let Jihoon tuck you into his coat on the walk home.
You didn't want this to end. No matter what. Ray hadn't yet gotten back to you on the audition results, and you decided to take it as a no and move on, just as you always did.
Of course, life always found a way to rear back and bite you hard, as your phone rings. With gloved hands, you pull it out of your coat pocket to see Ray's name again.
"Ray!" You chuckle, a little heady and happy from the day's events.
"So someone's having a good Christmas," Ray teases. "Well, my friend, it's going to get a lot better."
"What?" You ask, your boots crunching to a stop. Next to you, Jihoon also stops walking, his eyes wholly on you in concentration.
"The director of 'Who Knows Why'," Ray says, poorly concealed excitement in his voice. "He called me today, said he wants you to take the role! Your friends didn't get it even though they're so famous, and guess what? You did."
"Ray." You say, firmly. "Repeat that."
"You. Made. It. Out of over 100 actresses. I'm not joking!"
You freeze, look up and lock eyes with Jihoon, who raises his eyebrows in question.
"Oh, my god," You say, and it all comes out in a rush. "You're...you're serious."
"As a heart attack." Ray promises. "So, when can I come pick you up? Day after Christmas?"
"Ah." You hesitate. The filming would involve you....leaving. And if you were to stay and prepare for press tours, interviews, meet-and-greets... when were you returning?
"Can I call you back? I'll check..."
"Sure, hon," Ray replies cheerfully. "Go tell your folks the good news! They're gonna be thrilled."
You laugh weakly and then hang up. Then you turn to your lover (is he?).
"So, what was that about?" He asks, resuming the walk.
"I..."
At his concerned look, you finally sigh. "I got a lead role. In the film of a really popular director."
"That's amazing....oh." His face falls as he comes to the conclusion you fear. "Does that mean...you have to leave, don't you?"
You take a soft breath, shuffling your feet back and forth nervously. "I suppose so. I...I have to."
And to make matters worse, your phone pings with a text, your face souring as you read her message. Then, Jihoon watches as you put your phone back in your coat without another word.
"Who is that?" He demands. He knows he sounds like a little child, but he doesn't stop himself. He doesn't like the bitter expression on your face and that's all he knows.
"A friend." You reply.
"Real friend or...?"
You sigh and fish your phone out and pass it to him. He reads the simple "Fuck you" message from Rina, and undiluted anger crosses his face. "What the-"
You shrug. "She was probably one of the actresses hoping to be selected. Not much I can hide from you now."
He chuckles bitterly. "Yeah, we're not hiding the fact that you have to leave in maybe three days. Back to people like this-" He gestures to your phone. "- and who knows what else."
"I'll try to come back often," You say, although it doesn't seem convincing in the slightest. Jihoon doesn't buy a word of it either, judging by his expression.
"Really?" He says. "You haven't even been able to find time to come home for years now. I know you've gotten your big break and I'm happy for you, but... I don't know what to do if you leave for years on end again."
"I'll try to shuttle back and forth," You insist. "I have to."
"Well," Jihoon says, still looking at you doubtfully. "Don't make it an obligation."
"No, let's talk about it," You insist. "I just...I've never gotten a lead role before. It's not just... it's not just a role I can give up right away."
"Well, then choose. Tell me what you want." He replies, disappointment crossing his face.
"I...I haven't decided yet." You say lamely. "I need...I need a little more time to think."
He simply continues looking at you, before turning away and pacing back and forth. All you can do is watch him helplessly. "I just don't want to think about when this...will be over." Fling? Relationship?
It's as if he already knows what you're thinking about as he smiles sadly. "See, you don't even know what label to put on us."
"I just don't like when it has to be one over the other." You say, hugging yourself and staring at your shoes. "I've missed you. You know I love you and I want to continue seeing you, but I can't just give up on what I've wanted for so long."
But Jihoon is already shaking his head and starting to walk. "It doesn't have to be one way or another. Because I think you've already made your decision. I'm taking you home."
And it was happening all over again. Days had passed with no interaction with him, and even on Christmas Day itself, he was nowhere to be found.
Too fast, the evening when Ray came to pick you up loomed near. Your father helped you pack, but behind the reminders to bring your makeup bag and home slippers was a tinge of sadness. Your old folks didn't even know when they'd next see you.
When Ray comes out of the car to pick you up, out steps another lady with him, who nods to you in greeting.
"This is Rachel, the producer for the movie," Ray explains. "Since it’s gonna be a holiday romance-comedy, she wanted to visit your town to see what it looked like in Christmas."
You smile, and nod eagerly. "It's beautiful. You won't regret it."
Rachel smiles back, then speaks to Ray. "You guys stay here. I'll go take a quick walk and be right back."
As she leaves, you look at Ray. "Can we talk?"
Ray raises an eyebrow. "What about?"
"I... was wondering." You say. "I have a bit of a predicament at home. I'd like to stay longer. Could you maybe...push for the filming to be delayed?"
Ray looks surprised. "You want to wait?"
"More than anything."
A smirk starts blooming on Ray's face. "For a guy?"
At your delay, he slaps your shoulders. "Great! So, is the lucky guy totally alright with your job? That's a good man right there."
"Actually..."
You sprint towards Jihoon's house. Your attention is fixed on trying not to fall flat into the snow and to get to him as quickly as possible. Other townspeople are gawking, probably wondering why someone is in such a hurry, practically flying down the street.
At his door, you start knocking hard. His mom opens the door, and to your dismay, she explains that Jihoon hasn't been home since the morning.
"Maybe he's at the coast," She suggests, and you have never set off so fast before.
You implore Ray to drive you, and despite his reservations, a call from Rachel confirms that he has enough time to bring you there in his car for you to find Jihoon.
“So I’m now a party who can help you find the love of your life,” He teases you. “What do you owe me if this works out?"
"I'll make sure I land another film after this."
"You're on."
Ray barely puts the brakes on before you're opening the door. "I'll see you in a bit!"
"Should I prepare tissues?" He calls back. You pray not as you frantically scan your surroundings for a familiar, dark-haired man.
And like the heavens are answering you, you find him. Sat upon the roof of his truck, staring out at the coast at the setting sun.
"Jihoon?" You call as you get nearer to him. The man freezes, then turns slowly to face you. "I thought you were heading back. Why are you here?"
"To talk," You say softly, trying to catch your breath. "I... I think we left some things unsaid."
"No," He disagrees, crossing his legs over to face you while still sitting. "I owe you an apology."
"What?"
"I shouldn't have tried to make you choose me over your dreams. I know how hard you've been working, and you're finally getting to your peak... I should have supported you. I'm sorry. It was selfish of me."
"No," You insist, waving your hands. "I made that mistake first. Years ago, when I decided to leave, I didn't put you in front of my thoughts. I....I thought we'd be okay."
Jihoon shrugs and gives you a sad smile. "I'll always root for you. So... no hard feelings. Go ahead and shine. I promise we're okay. I'll never have bad feelings for you no matter what happens."
You shake your head. "That-"
"Y/N!" You hear Ray calling for you. Seriously? At this moment?
"What?" You hiss furiously.
"Check your phone!" You hear his hushed response.
"Later!"
"No! Now!"
You sigh and pull it out at his insistent glare, and when you look down at the message, your eyes light up. You shoot him a quizzical glance. Are you serious?
At his frantic nod, you turn back to Jihoon.
"You should go," Jihoon repeats. "They must be waiting for you."
"They are," You nod. He nods back, eyes not leaving yours.
"See you in a bit."
He cocks his head in confusion.
"Haven't you heard?" You smile a bit at his nonplussed expression.
"The filming location shifted."
"What?"
"I'll be here, apparently. For the next half a year, or so. The producer decided this place must be too good to pass up."
His jaw drops, and he slides off the truck, as if his surprise disabled his sense of balance. “You’ll be… here?”
“For a while,” You shrug nonchalantly, as if your heart isn’t beating fast and hard. “So, if… if you still want to talk, and maybe spend spring together… I’m down.”
He drops himself off the vehicle and his boots hit the ground with a crunch. “Say that again.”
You smile and take a few steps towards him. “I’m here for spring, Jihoon. And the seasons after that…we’ll figure it out one at a time. How does that sound?”
He lets out a laugh then, choked up but ecstatic. He makes sure, steady steps towards you, arms open in welcome and love, and as you step into his warmth, you let out a relieved, happy sigh and look up at him.
“Merry Christmas, Jihoon.”
“Merry Christmas, Y/N.”
N e x t Y e a r
"I forgot how cold it can get every time," Jihoon hisses as another gust of wind hits.
"It's worse in town," You tease. "I barely feel anything now."
"Yes, yes, you with your big girl city habits," He shivers. "I'll pick that bone with you once we get home, I swear."
"I'm looking forward to it." You chuckle, and he squeezes you tight. As resigned as he is to the eccentric habits you picked up in the city, he's just happy you're here to spend this Christmas with him. And the one next year, and the one after that.
Home. Our home. You were a part of his home, and him yours.
Yes, you thought, even as you leaned against him and felt him wrap his coat around you despite knowing you weren't cold at all. As long as you were with him, you were home.
a u t h o r ' s n o t e:
merry christmas eve! i hope you enjoyed this story every bit as much as i enjoyed writing it 🎄 i started thinking about this close to october (because i missed my eras tour experience so much 😭) and wondered if anyone would like a crossover between seventeen and tswift!! so here goes, in time for christmas and your spotify wrapped, 'tis the damn season 💌
🎼 refer below for the fic playlist (with lots of svt, taylor swift, and sweet, romantic christmas tracks)
taglist: @jeonghnie
f i c p l a y l i s t :
'tis the damn season -- taylor swift
mirrorball -- taylor swift
lover - taylor swift
paper rings - taylor swift
daylight - taylor swift
new year's day - taylor swift
ours - taylor swift
i love you, i''m sorry - gracie abrams
risk - gracie abrams
all my love - seventeen
falling for you - seventeen
headliner - seventeen
lie again - seventeen
second life - seventeen
to you - seventeen
my santa claus - jessie james decker
glow - brett eldredge
all i want for christmas is you - michael buble
kiss you this christmas - why don't we
take me home for christmas - dan + shay
#svt fic#k-labels#svthub#svt imagines#svt x reader#svt#svt fluff#seventeen#seventeen x reader#woozi#woozi x reader#svt woozi#seventeen woozi#svt fanfic#svt fics#seventeen fanfic#svt x y/n#seventeen imagines#seventeen fluff
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nailtech!reader x mechanic!ellie drabble!
this came to me while I was doing my nails (cuz I’ll be damned to pay $40 for 3 strips of paint that’s gonna grow out in week)
the first time mechanic!ellie sees you, is also the first time she ever steps foot in a nail salon, clad in her jumpsuit since she had to come right after her shift. dinas wedding was coming up and she requested that all her bridesmaids gets a matching set of acrylics
mechanic!ellie who thanked dina for letting her just get her short nails painted the simple lilac colour all the other girls were getting.
mechanic!ellie who almost trips over the wet floor sign when she sees you working with a client, looking so focused and so beautiful.
mechanic!ellie who allows a few of the other girls to go ahead of her so she can time it right and get paired with you.
mechanic!ellie who feels her heart melt when you shoot her a warm smile and ask her what she’d like done and if she had a reference picture.
she stares at you blankly, and you tell her you’ll just do something you think she’d like and that you'll change it if she wants.
mechanic!ellie who feels her heart pick up in pace when you grab her hands to inspect her sad excuse of a nail bed.
mechanic!ellie who’s caught of guard when you ask her if she scrubs under her nails
mechanic!ellie clears her throat and says “of course I do” after laughing like you had told her the funniest dad joke in the world (she doesn’t and you didn’t)
mechanic!ellie who tries to crack a joke/flirt?? with you by saying “you look stressed, is painting nails that hard?”
mechanic!ellie who’s confused when you shoot her a sideways glance while cutting her rockhard cuticles because she’s a clueless, grimy, loser.
mechanic!ellie tries to lighten the tension by telling a joke, “hey uh, do you know how you can tell if a mechanic had sex?”
“..what?”
“their middle fingernail’s clean.”
it’s one Joel had told her when she was younger and she hadn't quite understood it, but once she took on the business…well let’s just say it was pretty accurate.
mechanic!ellie who chuckles nervously when you give her a blank stare before cracking a small smile,
she got you.
mechanic!ellie, now that she knows you don’t think she’s a waste of space, talks to you easier and finds out that you’re still in school, but your aunt owns the salon, and you’re working here for experience. your favourite colour to work with is blue, and you once had to tackle a lady who tried to leave without paying.
all’s going well until mechanic!ellie asks you what you’re in school for and shoots you a look when you say this.
“seriously? you don’t want a real job where you like actually work with your hands or something?”
mechanic!ellie says because she’s a STUPID, clueless, grimy, loser.
“what the—this is a real job and I do work with my hands.”
“no, you know what I mean.”
“I don’t actually.” you end the conversation by putting both her hands in the curing machines and getting up to help one of your coworkers.
to mechanic!ellie’s surprise, when the machines beep it’s not you who continues working on her nails, but one of your older coworkers. she feels a pang of confusion and hurt in her chest but quickly shuts it up as she notices most of the bridal party is already done.
mechanic!ellie who looks at her hands a sighs, it was..alright, after you left the lady who took over didn’t really know what you were going for, so it was kind of mismatched but from far away it looked fine.
mechanic!ellie who pays and leaves with the rest of the party and feels her heart sink when she waves at you and you completely turn around.
mechanic!ellie who tells dina about what happened over FaceTime later that night and is taken back when she calls her a stupid idiot.
mechanic!ellie who finds out just how much work nail technicians go through to be able to run a business, plus how much they do for others.
mechanic!ellie who after hanging up googles a bit more about nail techs and reads stories or watches videos about people explaining how their nail tech practically saved their life and how nail art is a way for someone to express themselves as well as a tedious art form that takes patience and heaps of skill.
mechanic!ellie who feels like the biggest idiot ever and gives herself 30 minutes to wallow in self-pity before deciding she needed to find a way to make it right.
mechanic!ellie shows up to your studio right after dinas wedding, still clad in her lilac and off-white tailored suit, luckily she caught you outside just as you were locking up.
mechanic!ellie who apologizes profusely for being such a dumbass, infodumps everything she's learned about nail techs from her research, and explains that she thinks you're very cute and would love to get to know you more.
mechanic!ellie who trails off when you begin to giggle.
"so you did some research?" you offered her a small smile.
"tons," she nodded. "and i'm sorry."
you leaned against the door and smiled wider this time, "you already said that."
she nodded again, "right."
the two of you stared at each other for a second.
mechanic!ellie who breaks the silence first.
"would it be forward to ask you to accompany me as my date to the after-party?"
"it would," you tease. "but i accept."
mechanic!ellie who lets out a sigh of relief before pulling a gorgeous lilac and lily bouquet from behind her back.
"thank god, because it would've been really embarrassing if I'd won the bouquet toss for nothing."
you take the flowers, your smile faltering as you gaze down at your dusty crocs and polish-stained apron "you sure i'm okay to go like this?"
"you look beautiful." mechanic!ellie says honestly.
you nod but she still senses some apprehension, in a quick motion, she reaches behind you and into a potted plant placed before the entrance, smearing dirt on her pants and suitjacket.
"ellie!" you gasp which turns into a shocked giggle.
she grinned, "see, now it just looks like we’re making a statement."
you roll your eyes playfully and the two of you walk, arms interlinked, to her truck and only separate so she can open the door for you.
if anybody wonders who you are, nobody asks, although the two of you do garner a few judgemental glances at the state of your attire.
mechanic!ellie still with that grin on her face pulls the two of you from the open bar onto the dance floor when a slow song starts up, gathering you in her arms and swaying slowly to the sappy music.
mechanic!ellie who knows her face is practically fluorescent after you place a peck to her cheek.
mechanic!ellie who doesn't care one bit.
— ★
sorry if the first part of this is buns i wrote it like over a year ago and just finished it now it’s also my first time writing a blurb like this :p
#my first gift to you#hope u enjoy#ellie the last of us#ellie tlou#ellie williams#ellie angst#ellie fic#ellie x reader#ellie fluff
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You're too sweet for a monster like me (part 2)
Pairing: Vendetta Leon × Fem reader
Tags: Mentions of depression, overall fluff maybe a bit angsty, Ice skating, Leon being agile af to do that in his first try, a bit inaccurate related to ice skating but spare me🙏 (If you find some mistakes please spare me😭 english is not my native language)
Part 1 of YTS
A/N: The first part did better than I expected, so here's the second part. I have to stop going on hiatus lol. Also, I have never ice skated, though I know rollerblading ☝🤓
Also there are some words in pink and blue, pink are the reader's thoughts, while blue are Leon's thoughts.
Edit: Christmas themed dividers from @/anitalenia
WC: 2.6K
You quietly sigh, rubbing his back while hugging him, trying to make him feel better about himself. In all seriousness you can’t bear to see him like this–Wasting away and giving up.
He can't give up on himself. You can't let that happen.
You turn his face so you can look at him properly and give a soft smile. “Why don't we go out somewhere? It's been a long time since we had a date and Christmas is around the corner. Plus…I think we need a change of scenery. Let's go to a park.”
Leon looked at you a bit surprised and then down at the half empty glass of whiskey, debating with himself if he wanted to go outside.
But you are having none of it. You weren't going to let him stay here and get more depressed than ever. A change of scenery is what you both need.
You give him your best sweet puppy, mustering up in the moment. You add a small pout and make your eyes look sad and say softly. “Please.”
Leon groans immediately, pinching the bridge of his nose when he sees that look—the famous puppy eyes you always use to get your work done every time. “That's cheating.” he says
He never understood why it works. Like he's a grown ass man who has killed dozens of zombies and what not. He should be immune. But, apparently, military life didn't build him for these kinds of attacks.
You innocently smile and say. “What? I'm just politely asking.”
Leon snorts. “Uh huh…right. Your ‘polite asking’ uses emotional blackmail.”
You gasped dramatically, bringing a hand on your chest. “Little ol’ me? Blackmail? Heavy accusations, Mr. Kennedy.”
Leon rolled his eyes, a small smirk tugging at his lips and pulled you in his lap. “Right. You're so innocent.”
You grin and playfully roll your eyes at him. “Of course I'm innocent.”
Leon snorts but doesn't say anything.
You grip his shoulders and shake him lightly. “Oh come on… let's go outside. Look, it's almost Christmas, so there will be pretty decorations. Don't they have that ice rink too? Come on…it’ll be funny kids and their parents falling flat on their faces. ”
You hear him chuckling a bit at your words, his lips curling into a smile and…finally it feels like that the man you knew is in front of you again. Life slowly returning to him…
Leon smirks and says. “Sounds kinda harsh, you know. What did the kids do?”
You roll your eyes. “That's not the point. Can we pleasssseee go?”
Leon sighs and says. “Fine. Fine. But we're just gonna walk around the park…and no ice skating.”
Like hell you guys won't go ice skating.
Leon sees the immediate change in your expression, going from pleading like a puppy to almost elated and he couldn't help but chuckle.
Somehow you were the only one who could bring this side of him no matter how far he was gone. He had always wondered ‘why?’ part of it. But it's probably useless to ask that question by now.
You immediately get up from his lap and take his hand and start tugging him towards the bedroom. “Good, let's get dressed then.”
You both are bundled in warm clothes, walking towards the park hand in hand.
Leon looked down at you, taking in your eager expression to get to the park. You looked adorable–like a kitten. No, literally, you were wearing that cute little pink beanie with kitten ears. That beanie always made him smile no matter what, it looked so childish but suits you perfectly.
He gently flicks at one of the ears and smiles to himself. Doing it again and again till you look up at him with a narrowed-eyed expression and say. “Do it again and I will make you wear this.”
Leon grins to himself, feeling satisfied. He looks ahead, holding your hand tighter and walking towards the park. “Nope, I'm good.”
Soon, you both find yourselves walking in the park, taking in the lively scenery with each other.
People of all ages walking around, kids laughing and playing with their parents or grandparents. It was a bit crowded but it's manageable.
You look up at him with a smile. “This is nice right.”
He nods but doesn't say anything, looking around the snow and decorations, the hustle bustle of people distracts his mind a bit. Maybe this was a good idea. He admits he wouldn't have thought of going to a damn park in the middle of a depressive episode.
You notice his shoulders relaxing, and his facial expressions easing up a bit. Mentally, you pat yourself on the back for the first step to make him feel like his old self again.
You squeezed his hand to get his attention. “Do you like snow?”
Leon blinks then looks down at you. “Oh..uhh… I don't know.” He never really thought about mundane things like this, never had time to do that. Maybe when he was a kid? Probably.
He shrugs. “Eh, never gave it much thought, but if snow gets in between my missions and delays it then maybe? But I'm also a bit frustrated then. So, mixed feelings.”
There were times when his missions got delayed because snow had blocked some crucial areas. He used to be a bit relieved when that used to happen, as it was rare for him to catch a breath but also a bit frustrated that he probably won't be able put an end to the mission on time.
You snort and say. “Do you always think like that? Comparing everything to how it would help in a mission? Doesn't it get exhausting?”
He looks at you with a small frown, a small huff leaving his lips. Well it was exhausting but he's not gonna tell her that. He doesn’t like being called out like this and definitely not by his own damn girlfriend. “Try having a world saving job, then we'll talk, sweetheart.”
You chuckle, knowing he was a bit pissed. “What do you mean? Are you implying that I don't have one?”
Leon raises an eyebrow and scoffs. “Do you?”
You smirk and nudge him. “Going on dates, being with you is a pretty important world saving job, my darlingggg.” sweetening up your voice some more in the end and batting your eyelashes at him.
He rolls his eyes and laughs. God you were so cheesy. He looked down at you with a smile and says. “Yeah, you right. Pretty important job. But I pay you enough cuddles and kisses for it.”
You smile, leaning close and kiss his cheek. “That you do. Here's your payback too.” You definitely see him blushing after that. No matter how much he denies it, it never gets old to see him look away, trying to stifle the wide grin threatening to take over his face. It was cute.
You both reach the makeshift ice rink, Looking around seeing little kids trying to skate with the help of their parents. Falling on their faces but getting up with a big smile on their face and some cried, but most of them were enjoying themselves.
“Jeez, I thought you knew how to stand straight.” he grumbles a bit before holding your waist with both hands to help you balance.
You were clutching his shoulders, desperately trying not to fall. “I'm trying my best okay?! I didn't know ice was this slippery, it's my first ti- Ah!” You slip again, nearly pulling him down with you, but his grip on you was strong enough for you to not fall on your butt.
He grunts, before wrapping his arm around your waist pulling you against his body. “Don't worry, darling, I got you.”
You cling to him like a baby who doesn't know how to walk, falling again and again before you could even take one step. “Don't let me fall, okay?”
He rubs your back, keeping your face buried in his chest. “I have your back, sweetheart.”
Your heartbeat slowly returned to normal, closing your eyes for a moment. “I don't think I can do it, this was a bad idea.”
Leon looks at you, seeing you grumbling & pouting from disappointment. His heart melts from seeing his sunshine upset. He kisses your forehead and smiles. “No, no, no this was a wonderful idea, okay? It's fine you can do it, I'm right here I won't let you fall. Look, see it's my first time too alright. If I can do it then you can too.”
Oh yeah, it was his first time ice skating too and he's doing ten times better than you.
You look up at him from his chest and narrow your eyes. “How are you not falling on your ass like me?”
He chuckled. “What? You want both of us to land in a hospital?”
You rolled your eyes and glared at him light-heartedly. “Nooo but it makes me suspicious. Did you used to do this with your exes?”
Leon burst into a laugh. “Sweetheart, you're like the only stable relationship I ever had. Plus, this is improvising.” He kisses your cheek. “Now come on, I know you can do it.” Giving you a final pat on the back before pulling back.
He had a tight grip as you slowly stood up straight, balancing yourself with his help. You breathe a sigh of relief. “Okay… What do I do now?”
He tilts your chin with his finger, making you look in his blue eyes. “Breathe, you can do it. Your legs are strong enough to skate, don't stand too rigid or you'll fall.”
Slowly, you feel his words empowering you, helping you be more sure of yourself. You feel more confident now, your legs gaining the strength and flexibility needed for ice skating.
Leon smiles seeing you grow more comfortable, his grip then shifts from your waist to both of your hands. “See you're doing it…Good job.”
You look up at him and say. “Yeah but I doubt I will be able to do more than this.”
He chuckles. “Don't worry, you have me…Now just believe in yourself and in me, when I said I won't let you fall I won't. Now, slowly take the first step.” He slowly starts to skate with your hands in his.
Your legs are a bit wobbly at first but you do it, looking in his eyes for reassurance and finding nothing but pure love and encouragement in his eyes.
He slowly nods and smiles at you. “Good… just keep it going.”
Slowly, you start to grow more confident in your footing and follow his steps efficiently. You were still a bit nervous and there were small bumps here and there but you had gotten the hang of it by now.
Leon slowly starts to skate a bit faster, feeling your hand gripping his tightly whenever he does. But he simply squeezes your hand & passes a smile.
Slowly, you both fall into a comfortable pace as you skate together. You grew more confident and laugh softly. “This is great!”
Leon just had a smile of his own watching you laugh and skate with him. It was as if nothing else mattered in this moment, except the two of you. He quietly savored this rare moment of tranquility and peace.
You were sitting on the bench, watching the decorated Christmas tree with lights and ornaments in front of you. Leon said he had something to take care of, so you were waiting for him to come back.
After a few moments, he came back and sat down next to you quietly, watching the tree lights twinkle in front of him with you. He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close to him.
You shift closer to him and rest your head on shoulder. “Everything alright?”
He slowly nods, kissing your forehead. “Never been more alright than this.” He rubs your sides and continues. “Thank you for today. I really needed this date.”
You smiled up at him. “You're welcome. Although, a part of me did think you were starting to regret it considering how much of a wreck I was at Ice skating.”
You feel his chest rumble as he laughs. “You kidding me? That was the best part!”
You raise an eyebrow and huff, pretending to be mad. “Are you saying, me making a fool out of myself was the best part?”
He was still shamelessly smiling, not regretting anything he said. “Yes, but I also liked the part when I helped you skate.”
You roll your eyes and shake your head. “Fair enough.”
He softly sighed, resting his chin on top of your head. These were the moments that reminds him what he was truly fighting for. He was fighting for moments when you both hugged, kissed, cuddled, roasting each other for fun or when you both were simply together and talked just about anything.
He was fighting for you.
He was fighting to protect that precious smile of yours, to keep that sweet innocence of yours safe from the ugly horrors of the world. And if protecting it meant that he had to be a pawn in bigger scheme of things or that he had to be a monster to fight those who created monstrosity to wreck havoc. He was okay with fighting all of it.
As long as you were safe and sound, he was ready to fight anything that threatened your peace. And he wasn't someone who would go down easily without a fight. Your love made him the bravest soldier.
He blinks, as his train of thoughts stopped when he felt you nudging him. He looked down at you. “Hmm?”
You shrugged. “You want to go home now? It's getting a bit late.”
He paused then smiles. “Actually, there was something.”
You looked at him puzzled. “What is it?”
He smirks, then takes out the small mistletoe from his coat pocket he brought earlier and raised it above their heads and playfully said. “Oh my my, who could have hanged this mistletoe here of all places?”
You could barely contain your grin and continue the ruse. “Hmm…Who could it truly be, Do you know?”
Leon shakes his head, smirking at you while still holding the mistletoe above their heads. “No, but it seems like fate, no? It appeared all of a sudden and that too just for us. How strange…Well anyways it seems like we have to do the tradition now.”
You roll your eyes at him your smile barely contained. “Uh huh. Right. The tradition.” He was so smug, it was taking everything not to laugh in his face.
He grins, seeing you try to control yourself and pulls you closer to his body. “Mmm, that's what the traditions are about after all.” His voice lowering and getting sultry.
Your breathing quickened as his other hand brushes some hair out of your face, his thumb gently caressing your bottom lip. Tilting your face towards him. You give him a smile and softly whisper. “Well then, we have to do it. What are you waiting for?”
He smiled and leaned closer. “To hear that.” And gently presses his lips close to yours, kissing you softly. And it's like the world around you both fades once again. You cup his face and kiss him back, slowly deepening the kiss. He wrapped his arms around you holding you gently in his embrace as he pours all the love he has to give you.
Everything that led upto this moment was all worth it to him.
OMGG Hi everyone!!! Things are a bit hectic but all good. Hope you all enjoy this day. Merry Christmas to anyone who celebrates!!!🎉🎊🎊
-Bella😊
#leon kennedy x reader#resident evil#resident evil fanfiction#leon s kennedy#leon kennedy#leon kennedy × you#leon vendetta#infinite darkness#resident evil 6#older leon kennedy#fem reader#reader insert#bella fics#christmas fic#leon kennedy fluff#Spotify
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Nanny!Buck AU snippet
Hi all, and Happy Holidays! Whether or not you celebrate anything at this time of year I hope that the universe is kind to you and you are able to do something that makes you happy with people you love.
Here's a little holiday treat from me - another snippet from my Nanny!Buck AU I'm slowly working on. It's currently at 4.6k words and still in the early stages.
--
“I trust you,” Eddie replies easily and Buck’s cheeks flush pink, a small smile gracing his lips. “I am a little behind on laundry. The hamper is in the bathroom.”
“Done. And please feel free to check in as often as you want – I promise I won’t judge you. It can be really hard leaving your little one with a complete stranger.” Buck seems to clock Eddie’s shaking hands, but kindly doesn’t mention them. Eddie knows Chris will be safe with Buck, but that isn’t making this that much easier.
“Okay,” Eddie breathes out in a rush. “Thank you. I’m just gonna check on him once more then I really need to go.”
“Of course,” Buck responds softly, and Eddie knows he understands. He quietly opens Chris’ bedroom door, comforted by his steady breathing and mop of curls against the pillow. He looks so small in his ‘big boy bed’, and Eddie has to physically stop himself from climbing in and going back to sleep. He (painfully) drags himself back to the front door where Buck is waiting, holding out the coffee and bagel with a warm smile on his face.
“Thank you, again,” Eddie laughs gently. “I’ll hopefully be back around 6:30 tomorrow morning.”
“No worries. And I mean it – call or message through the app as often as you want. I won’t take it as an insult,” Buck assures him and Eddie takes a deep breath, nodding. He can totally do this.
“I’ll try to cap it at three check-ins,” Eddie sighs, looking around to make sure he has everything (or maybe to put off leaving for another thirty seconds). Buck raises an eyebrow when he catches his gaze. “Fine, five.”
“Okay, Eddie,” he laughs a little. “Go, you don’t want to be late.”
“Yep, okay,” Eddie breathes. He takes his breakfast from Buck’s hands and steps through the front door (that Buck opened for him), turning around and desperately trying to think of an excuse to step back inside.
“Be safe out there,” Buck says, obviously sensing Eddie’s hesitation, “and we’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
“Tell Chris I said goodbye.” He has to go – he really has to go, because he’s cutting it close as it is. Buck assures him that he will tell Chris that Eddie loves him and said goodbye before he left, leaving Eddie with nothing to do but get in his car and drive to work. So he does exactly that.
--
Tags under the cut. Please let me know if you'd like to be added to or removed from my tag list.
@playinginthunderstorms @inbucksbusiness @elvensorceress @singitforthegirls @sonofatoasterwaffle
@wrongfulruffian @crose84 @carolinahope @heartsfromeden @shealwaysreads
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I have a jealous human seb request 👉👈, The highschool au is pretty cool maybe something with that? Or whatever u think works :)))
༷ ㅤ ! ﹢High School AU - Jealous, jealous ִ ੭
Did I end up creating an AU without realizing it? Yes. Am I now obsessed with human Seb and Y/N in these kinds of scenarios? definitely
Hope you like it, my dear anon! Btw, for the fans of Epic the Musical, I was inspired by certain scenes in the song Little Wolf heheh
Warnings/Notes: escena de pelea, golpes, physical insecurities, me inspiré en human painter en el Painter de Streamer AU, using pronuns she/her with Y/N (sorry :c)
You allowed yourself to lift your head from the desk as the bell rang, signaling the start of the first recess. At that precise moment, all your classmates sprang from their seats and bolted out of the room like wild animals, desperate to escape the classroom for even a second.
You waited until at least half of them had left to avoid being pushed and squeezed between their bodies just to get out yourself. After all, your entire group of friends was absent today, so there wasn’t anyone you were particularly waiting for.
“Get up. I don’t want the cafeteria to run out of empanadas,” Sebastian said.
You lazily glanced over your shoulder and saw him standing there, hands tucked into his sweater pockets, his messy, wavy black hair as unruly as ever, and his blue eyes sparkling with that peculiar glimmer they always seemed to have.
It had only been a few weeks since you’d started talking to him—or rather, since he started talking to you. It had surprised you when he chose to pair up with you for a group project, especially since your friend didn’t protest or complain about not doing the assignment together as you two usually planned.
And it just happened—you didn’t even know how you ended up getting closer to him. Once again, you were amazed that your social anxiety hadn’t caused you to say something stupid as it often did in so many situations.
A quick snap of fingers broke your trance, making you blink and focus on the tanned fingers in front of you.
You smiled and apologized before standing up to walk alongside him, leaving the classroom to head toward the place Sebastian’s stomach most desired: the cafeteria.
“How are your siblings?” you asked, trying to start a conversation to distract yourself from the overwhelming noise around you.
“They’re fine, though… my sister’s been annoying lately, and I have to be her poor victim. So unfair!” Sebastian complained, frowning dramatically.
His exaggerated gestures made you laugh. You always enjoyed hearing how he made every situation with his siblings seem over the top. There was never a dull story about them.
Hearing your laugh, Sebastian glanced at you out of the corner of his eye. A flush of warmth rushed to his cheeks, and his palms began to feel sweaty. He quickly looked away, pulling a childish face. Loverboy.
“Hey, I’m gonna head to the bathroom for a moment. Don’t wait too long for me,” you said, stepping slightly away from his side.
He gave you a confused look for a moment before snapping out of it and flashing you a lazy smile, giving you a thumbs-up in approval.
“Just don’t take too long. I won’t promise to leave anything half-eaten,” he called out, raising his voice to make himself heard over the growing crowd of students in the courtyard.
You walked off with a small “uh-huh” in confirmation, heading straight for the bathrooms. You hadn’t realized you’d been holding it in until your bladder gave you a signal that if you didn’t go now, there’d be a bit of trouble.
It was no secret that the girls’ bathroom always had at least five people inside, most of them standing in front of the mirrors for at least ten minutes. Luckily, you only needed to take care of business and wash your hands before heading back out.
You recognized three girls from your class in there and two others who you guessed were a year or two ahead of you.
You’d always felt a bit uncomfortable around them, especially since some of them drooled over Sebastian and fit the classic “queen bee” stereotype. Honestly, you never liked them.
You entered the stall without any issues and finished up quickly before heading to the sinks to wash your hands.
Catching your reflection in the mirror, you felt a twinge of self-consciousness as you took in your appearance. You felt uncomfortable with yourself. How could you even show up to school looking like this? How could you stand next to him when—
You shook your head quickly, pushing those intrusive thoughts aside as you hurriedly left the bathroom. You’d gotten better; you didn’t need to dwell on those things—at least not as much.
Your eyes widened as you stepped outside and saw the courtyard completely packed. It was almost impossible to make out individuals in the sea of students.
You began weaving through the crowd, narrowly dodging a small paper ball some boys had decided to use as a makeshift soccer ball.
Your eyes scanned every corner of the courtyard near the tables, searching for one specific person. It was challenging, considering almost everyone had black hair. But no matter—you’d find your favorite Chilean.
Your gaze landed on a head of snow-white hair, and a smile crept onto your face as you spotted Vincent Painter in the crowd. You knew full well that where Vincent was, Sebastian was sure to be close by.
You pushed your way through, tuning out the rest of the world as you zeroed in on those two specific people.
“Painter, Seb—” The words died in your throat in an instant, the air abruptly leaving your lungs as you felt a sudden force. A hand clamped down firmly on your shoulder.
A chill ran through your body from head to toe as your heart began pounding faster and faster. You forced yourself to relax enough to turn and see who had grabbed you like that.
“Clay.”
The name seemed to slip instantly from your lips as you turned to see who it was.
It might sound cliché to say it this way, but it was the number one bully, troublemaker, and overall pain in the ass for both students and teachers alike. Always bothering people in the most unpleasant ways just to have something to do—including you.
You’d struggled to turn him into background noise back in sophomore year. Every time a teacher publicly scolded you for being late or some other "important" issue, he was always there to rub it in, mocking you for every mistake.
"Busy?" he asked with fake interest, his hand still firmly gripping your shoulder.
"A little, yes, maybe. Actually doing something worthwhile, unlike some," you muttered the last part under your breath, quickly and quietly, cursing yourself a thousand times over the moment you realized what you'd said.
His grip on your shoulder seemed to tighten and grow more forceful. You’d struck a nerve.
"Why don’t you come hang out with me and my group for the rest of the break? We’re not as boring as some," he said, maintaining that same hypocritical tone.
His hand slid down until it rested around your shoulders, as if you were lifelong friends. The gesture made your skin crawl with disgust. You wanted to shove him away, to curse him out in every way possible, to give him the slap he’d deserved for ages.
Your mind screamed yes to all of those thoughts, but your body froze, paralyzed with fear of what might happen if you so much as moved an inch while he had his arm around you.
Your legs felt like they were bolted to the ground, refusing to respond to the demands your brain was frantically making. Even though no one else could clearly see it in that moment, it was humiliating.
"No, I’m busy—"
"Someone like you is never busy."
"SHIT, NO!" you yelled with all your strength. Before he could react, you jerked your shoulders forcefully, a sharp motion that broke his grip. You freed yourself and stepped back, your body trembling with pure adrenaline.
You exhaled all the air you hadn’t realized you’d been holding in, gasping desperately for the oxygen you’d been depriving yourself of. The suffocating feeling still lingered, especially after your outburst and the scene you’d unintentionally created in front of the other students.
The noisy schoolyard, which had been alive with chatter and laughter just moments ago, fell deathly silent at your shout. Those closest to you and Clay stood frozen, watching in stunned silence to see how the situation would unfold. Further back, murmurs started among the students, curious and uncertain about what had caused the commotion.
You looked at Clay, trembling, noticing how his muscles tensed and his eyes stayed locked on you, unyielding. Neither of you said anything, locked in a tense standoff, like a predator trying not to scare off its prey.
Time seemed to stop for a moment, the only sound being your heavy, shaky breaths if someone were to listen closely enough.
Then, you clearly saw his right hand—the same one that had been draped over your shoulders—rise aggressively toward you, giving you no time to react or process what was about to happen.
The blow landed hard and fast, a lightning strike of pain erupting like a volcano in your cheek and spreading through your entire head. Your vision blurred for a moment, a dull ringing filling your ears as the world around you tilted unsteadily.
You lost your balance, stumbling to the side. Your hands instinctively reached for the ground, but the force of the impact left your arms trembling under your weight. Your skin burned where his hand had struck, a searing sensation that seemed to etch the violence into your body.
"Stop acting like a wild animal toward me! You’re that guitarist’s lapdog, so act like it—"
His words were abruptly cut off when something struck him out of nowhere, silencing him mid-sentence.
You didn’t take the moment to lift your head and see what had happened; your mind was still struggling to process the words he’d just yelled at you.
“Who the hell threw a damn empanada at me?!” he roared, utterly agitated, his fury palpable from miles away.
“Who taught you to hit a woman like that?!”
A new voice broke into the scene, one you recognized instantly.
You wanted to lift your head, even just a little, but the wave of dizziness and trembling that overtook you made it almost impossible to move.
“Shh... Come on, get up slowly and carefully. Let me help you. That bruise looks nasty,” another voice said softly, this one closer to you.
They helped you up, letting you lean on them for support as you steadied yourself, focusing on placing one foot in front of the other. Squinting, you tried to make out who it was, though you already knew.
“Painter… Seb’s—” you murmured weakly, trying to get him to stop the sudden impulsiveness of the other man.
“I know. That idiot’s trying to act tough,” Painter cut you off, rolling his eyes at the unfolding situation.
“You want to put on a show for the whole school? Fine, Solace! Let’s see how you handle this!”
Clay’s voice sent a shiver down your spine as you watched the scene play out in front of you.
Clay was advancing, his steps slow but deliberate. Sebastian instinctively stepped back, trying to keep some distance, his eyes locked on Clay’s movements, searching for any clue of his intentions.
But the gap between them was closing rapidly, the circle of onlookers around them seeming to shrink with every passing moment. Each step back was a concession, and each step forward from Clay was a reminder of who was in control.
“DON’T BE A COWARD!”
That shout rang out like the toll of a bell, marking the inevitable start of what was about to happen.
Clay lunged forward, his fist raised, ready to land a solid blow. As he closed the last few inches between them, he swung with brutal force, grabbing Sebastian roughly and shoving him back. The shove was so forceful it left Sebastian struggling to regain his balance.
Sebastian didn’t waste a second to catch his breath. He recovered immediately, ignoring his body’s cries for rest; there was no time for that now.
“Uppercut him. NOW” Painter shouted, almost as agitated as Sebastian himself at the sight of his friend fighting.
Without hesitation, Sebastian followed Painter’s instruction.
His fist shot upward with calculated precision, aiming for his attacker.
The sound of the impact was the only thing that could be heard in the courtyard—a crack that left more than a few eyes wide at the sheer violence of the scene. Clay’s jaw snapped upward with the force of the punch, sending him stumbling back, reeling from the sudden blow.
Clay forced his gaze back toward Sebastian, his face twisted into a deranged grin full of rage.
Just as he opened his mouth to speak, the furious voice of a new arrival shattered the overwhelming silence of the courtyard.
“Solace and Torres! I want both of you in my office NOW!” bellowed the principal, his uncontrolled fury directed at the two named offenders.
. . . . . . . . . .
“That was stupid.”
Silence.
“Impulsive. Way too impulsive.”
Silence.
“Something you’d never do. Especially getting involved in something like this.”
Silence.
“Did I mention how much of an idiot you were?” You tightened the bandage around his palm.
“Ow!” he hissed, wincing at the sting from your touch.
You shot him a glare, still struggling to understand why his foolish mind had decided to intervene and start a fight—especially one that escalated so violently.
He avoided your eyes, turning his head to the side, causing strands of his dark hair to fall across his forehead like a curtain, partially obscuring his vision.
You let out an audible sigh, one that sounded more like an exasperated groan than anything else.
Your hand was still holding Sebastian’s as you finished wrapping the bandage. Even though his palm had small, raw scrapes, his touch was warm and comforting. A part of you didn’t want to pull away.
“I just… I felt awful seeing him hit you, and I couldn’t do anything. You didn’t deserve that—especially not from a guy like him!” he muttered, pressing his other palm against his cheek in frustration.
He looked endearing like this, grumbling while trying to explain why he’d felt the need to protect you from someone like that.
“Don’t worry about it anymore, okay? I’m fine, and so are you,” you reassured him, offering a soft smile.
A faint hum, something like an “mmh,” escaped his lips.
You laughed a little more at his antics, catching a brief glimpse of crimson red coloring his cheeks. How cute.
#sebastian solace x reader#pressure x reader#sebastian solace fanfic#sebastian solace x you#sebastian x reader#sebastian solace x yn#sebastian solace#pressure fanfic#i love write about high school seb#ughghhggh i love him so much#him mom is angry#and reader it's just like#"god
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Hi! I saw you're doing Christmas drabbles and was wondering if you could write Mammon x reader who really loves Christmas? Like they are so excited to decorate HOL while listening to Christmas music and they love wearing festive clothes/accessories and ask Mammon to wear matching Christmas sweaters and such.
❤️ Thank you so much in advance 💚
- @obey-me-hoe
Aaahhhhhh, this is being answered so late, I'm sorry!! I kept trying to catch up to the Advent first and then I was falling behind on the Advent and my entire motivation just went poof? Like, I've been so physically tired for some reason and it's just made not wanna do any writing and it's really sucked, actually. But!! I told myself that I wanted to get this answered and posted before Christmas at the very least!! It's currently 11:48pm on Christmas Eve night for me, so I'm really cutting it close 💀 But!! Here you go!! Thank you sm for sending in a request and I hope you enjoy it!!!
~*~
"Pretty please, Mammon? C'mon, wear it for me! We'll match!"
The greed demon groans in exasperation. Is this how Lucifer feels whenever they keep pestering him? It must be. But there they are, looking at him with those stupid, big eyes and that stupid, hopeful look on their face. He's gonna say yes, isn't he?
"Rah! Fine, fine! I'll wear your stupid reindeer sweater, alright? But only so that you don't go pesterin' any o' the others about it, cause none of them will be nearly as nice as the great Mammon." He puffs out his chest as his hands go to his hips, standing with a proud look on his face at his own "bravery".
You can't help but giggle at the man's antics. "Thank you very much, Mammon." You kiss him on the cheek as you hand him the sweater. "Now hurry up and put it on!! We still have all kinds of stuff left to do!"
"Really? Why ya makin' me do all this work, huh? Aren't the others helpin' ya, too?" He grumbles as he slips the sweater on over his shirt.
"Nope. I told everyone that you and I were gonna decorate and that no one was allowed to see any of it until it's time to decorate the tree." You shrug to match your casual tone, as if the HOL isn't an entire mansion.
"Wait, wha-?"
"What? It's not that bad. I've always wanted to decorate a big place like this all on my own. There's so many options and possibilities!!"
The Avatar of Greed whines. "C'mon, (Y/N), why ya gotta do this to me?"
You grin and wrap him in a hug. "I promise it'll be fun. It's you and me spending time together alone. What's not to like about that, hm?"
He wraps his arms around you and sighs, but as you pull your head back to look at him, there's a slight flush to his cheeks. "You're real lucky you're cute, ya know?"
You beam at him happily before pulling back all the way and taking his hand, tugging him out of the room. "C'mon, c'mon! We gotta get started soon or we'll be off schedule!!"
Mammon grumbles as you pull him along, but he has an unmistakable grin on his face the whole time. Don't tell him you ever noticed it, though.
~*~
And scene-
I hope you enjoyed it!! I think it's pretty cute. I love writing Mammon, tbh, it's pretty easy for me to figure him out, lmao. But I really hope you like it, cause that's most important!! Lemme know, pls!! Merry Christmas!!!
#purple_strxnger#purplestrxngerasks#obey me#obey me nightbringer#purple_strxnger_stories#obey me!#omswd#obey me! nightbringer#obey me shall we date#obey me! shall we date?#omnb#obey me mammon#obey me mc#obey me gender neutral mc#obey me gn!mc#obey me gn!reader#obey me mammon x mc#obey me mammon x reader#obey me fluff#obey me mammon fluff#obey me fic#obey me fanfic#obey me drabble
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( drabble ) “so sweet” - 최연준 (pt.1)
pairings - classmate!yeonjun x college!fem reader
warnings - MDNI (pt.2 will contain smut)
a/n — I was gonna post this yesterday but it wasn’t finished so here’s your late present 😭. sorry for it being messy i was trying to get it done.
it was no secret that yeonjun liked you, almost everyone in school knew. The only person that didn’t know was you.
You would receive candy’s and drinks in your locker along with a note almost everyday, and every note ended with ‘ — C.YJ’ .
Considering he was also one of the most outgoing people in the school, you already ruled him out to be the secret admirer. There were plenty of people with those initials.
The night before christmas yeonjun took the time to write a decorated letter for you.
”Hi, y/n. I know we haven’t really talked much or really at all but i think you’re very pretty —“ he stops scratching out the writing on the paper before tossing it aside somewhere “that’s not it—“ he sighs before grabbing another paper and starting again.
“Hi, y/n. I’ve liked you for a while. i like everything about you. you’re really kind and sweet it’s crazy more guys don’t find you attractive. I didn’t want to say my feelings because i was scared. i can’t say them in front of you or i’ll probably become a stuttering mess. so this is my way of saying i like you. y/n please like me back.” biting his lip he finally decides to place it into the envelope, hoping you would accept it.
——————
The next day, you wake up from the sound of your alarm blasting into your ear. Sitting up, you yawn before getting out of bed and heading downstairs since you didn’t have to get ready for your class until 11:00 which was 4 hours away.
You see your mom standing at the counter cutting up something, turning when she here’s your footsteps. As soon as she sees you her face lights up and she practically runs over to you “so?” she grins brightly at you. “so..what?” you ask, making your way to the fridge with you mom following behind. “oh c’mon, “ she groans “did you tell him yet?” before you could answer she cuts you off “ and don’t you even ‘tell who?’ me, did you tell yeonjun that you like him yet?” she probed.
“mom—i didn’t tell him because—I..he wouldn’t like me back.” you stammer, trying to reason with her only to receive a groan from her.
“i bet he likes you back.” she shrugs going back to cooking. “i’m not in high school anymore mom.” you counter “he has like a million girls on him every day so why would he choose me.”
Your mom sighs, turning to look at you “just ask him y/n,” she smiles “the worst that could happen is he says no—but i doubt that will happen.” she reassures you.
You groan in defeat, “fine.” you get up before heading up to your room to get ready.
——————
As you’re doing your work, you see yeonjun walk into class. Late. As usual but that wasn’t on your mind. Today was the day you tell him that you like him. Today.
You feel butterflies fill your stomach as you think of all the outcomes that could possibly happen. What if he laughs at you and mock your confession in front of everyone. what if he already has a girlfriend. what if he says yes only to use you and leave. what if—
“hey y/n? can i sit here?” you here a voice above you. You look up and see yeonjun looking down at you. god was he tall. “y-yeah of course, no problem ?” you stutter moving your bag to the floor.
why did you feel like a high schooler with her first crush. Technically he is you first crush.
Once he’s seated, you can feel him looking at you as you work—try to work. “can i tell you something?” he speaks up holding a letter in his hand. You look over to him confused, not really sure what he would say.
“i’ve liked you for a while, y/n. So, i wanted to give you this as my christmas present.” he smiles, handing you the letter. After you read it you look at him shocked “yeonjun…I can’t believe t-“
“miss l/n. save your conversation until after the lecture.” your teacher interrupts, causing some to turn and look at the two of you. You mouth ‘i like you too’ to him before paying more attention to the school work but the fact that he liked you wouldn’t leave your head. maybe this was the best day of your life.
#txt yeonjun#txt fanfic#txt#txt post#yeonjun x reader#choi yeonjun#yeonjun#tomorrow x together#txt moa#txt drabbles#txt x reader#txt imagines
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There is a very exquisite agony in playing a game you love so so so so so much, and realizing that one of the other players is trying to play a totally different game than you.
#hush frenchy#we went to the coffin shop today in vallaki#and our rogue triggered combat SIMPLY because he didn't want to leave the house without looting every single room#to clarify: WE HAD ACHIEVED OUR OBJECTIVE#we literally just needed to get out#but the rogue's player was like cmoooon its no fun to leave without looting everything we can get our hands on#now everything we're doing has gone to absolute shit#and to clarify: its going to be very interesting!!#and I feel like I would've been just fine with the result#IF it had been for any other reason besides that this one player seems to think that we're in a video game#like if there had been some kind of character motivation? or genuine concern that we were missing a piece of something we were looking for?#totally fine!! love that in fact!!#but just stealing shit because 'you're the rogue' feels... idk.#it just feels like it's a totally different game than the rest of us are playing#and now we ALL have to deal with the consequences#i just. urgh. i do not know what to do#i am gonna talk to the dm and see if she noticed the same thing as me#and try to brainstorm we the players can do to impart a sense of balance for people with different play styles#but i just feel like despite repeated efforts by the dm to be like hey this is a game for exploration and character engagement#the player is just ignoring that and doing Whatever He Feels Like#ANYWAY SORRY RANT OVER#I'm just really in love with this game and having one really thorny part is just HNG#positive note: the wizard whipped out alter self and thought he was the coolest guy in the whole world#despite repeatedly missing in combat#it was very cute and i wish Wyn wasn't absolutely certain that she was about to die#because she would absolutely stroke his ego about it simply to see him preen#the fighter was also very sweet and keeps working so hard to protect wyn#and since I'm a fighter in my other game i know where to put myself to make it easier for him so there's a lot of synergy#IT'S JUST VERY CUTE AND NICE AND GOOD. I LOVE THEM BOTH A LOT
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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my opinion on season 11 is that ian and mickey were all over the place from episode to episode and i ultimately wasn’t very happy with where it ended for them
#just felt kind of incomplete and boring in terms of their getting an apartment arc#like mickey was still genuinely very unhappy about it and they just left it like that?#and obviously i didn’t love how they did the terry stuff.#i think. there’s something to it because you can never truly predict how you’re gonna feel about something like that#even if it’s a piece of shit who you truly hate like. feelings happen.#and that could have been interesting to explore but it wasn’t done in a way that felt interesting#it just felt like a waste of time when we could’ve been doing other stuff with their screentime#and the beginning was so good i was having sooo much fun when ian was like yeah let’s steal an ambulance and yes we can have guns again.#let’s fuck in the ambulance. etc.#that was so hot and then they ruined it both in that scene that i wanted to SEE and with where they took the story after#like how quickly ian jumps back to ‘well we won’t do crimes then :)’ i thought he was having FUN doing crimes#like are they still doing their security shit? are they still working with stolen equipment?? i want them to do crimes :(#(when i lay it all out like that i’m like perhaps ‘ian being exited about doing crimes’ is not a Good Sign for him. but#it really wasn’t presented that way in context. like i don’t think that’s what they were going for there#and he can be doing better and still have fun doing stupid shit#a la their little outing before he got arrested by the military#yes that was like. 5 years earlier but i’m still like what happened to THAT ian he got boring#and i’m not saying like. him being healthy is boring. i’m saying let him be healthy and also have fun.#anyway.)#also like. signing a lease on the spot against mickeys wishes. kind of fucking impulsive and reckless. but no it’s bc he wants#to have a better life or whatever so it’s fine.#idk i just want to see them steal shit and fuck in an ambulance#and i mean like OVERALL ian has not been as much of a Crime Guy as others. certainly not compared to mickey#like he’s DONE crimes obviously but not in a. it’s his lifestyle way. i guess?#so idk why i’m like i want him to go BACK to that if that wasn’t exactly what he was doing in the first place#but he LIKES doing shady shit with mickey and having fun and idk why they bothered showing us that#if they were gonna drop it by the end of the season that i can only assume they knew would be the final season#it just felt like they didn’t know what to do with the two of them all season and they ended the season in a less satisfying place#than they started#r.txt
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#Jesus fucking Christ#why do some people just. not see the mess they’re making and acknowledge that it’s their responsibility to clean up after themselves??#like. you throw your shoes in the entrance exactly where people walk. you let shared loafers stand outside for several hours#you cook the most simple dinner that one time you cook (mind you the other people have equal shares of making food)#and yet you don’t even manage to clean up after neither the cooking NOR taking the food off the table into the fridge so it doesn’t turn bad#you keep on taking the most easy solution that fits you the best without thinking about others. in a space where we all are exhausted#and I’m so done with it for now tbh. how lazy to not care about the bare necessities for others. how rude to admit to it#AND on top of this. you’ll tell stuff about your country that’s *objectively horrifying* and then add on to that that you love your country#it’s just. so many things. are so so so much of what I’d avoid in a person. a few things is fine. no one’s perfect. but damn there’s a limit#SORRY to anyone who’s read this far but I just. had to get it out#this guy is the one I’m working the closest with these two and a half weeks. hes still a kid kind of. I’m not gonna be mean to him#but damn. my patience. is being tested#AHHH I might delete this tbh. I don’t like showing this side of myself. I don’t want to spread this kind of negativity#I’m just so very frustrated. how a human person can come to this place and be here for SO LONG already#and still not have learnt the basics of living and working together#own post#oh. and all the triggering of intrusive thoughts is not helping your case buddy#(which you can’t really know about so it’s kinda fair but also it’s for bad hygiene stuff mostly and that’s. I mean…..)
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never doubt the power of the OBX Gender Euphoria Hoodie of Swagness: it doesn't eliminate the sensory issues i've got from the tape on the electrodes but it sure does make me feel less like i want to tear every inch of skin off 10/10 can recommend.
#i put it on and like 8 of the 7 different issues i was having were eliminated immediately#shhh don't look at the numbers it's fine don't worry about it#i'm actively going through an Anxiety Event so bad it made me take a knee when we got home which is yknow unusual#and considering i'm hooked up to a heart monitor today i really kind of need to not be having abnormal heart events actually#i mean i can but like i'm not like... i want it to be indicative of my Usual Daily Activities and i'm just not very active most days#because of the horrors mostly#i'm just not sure if i need to mark every time i'm Super Aware of my heartbeat or not because i don't know if i'm just always too aware#and it's just doing Normal Heart Things or if i'm having a thing and going ''oh yeah that's a normal heart thing i'm sure of it''#because i don't know the difference! this is very fun (: (smiely face flown upside down to show distress)#if the tape didn't itch so fuckin' bad i would probably forget i was wearing the thing#but alas my own personal hell where my skin is So Sensitive To This One Thing In Particular and it's in all the most sensitive places#for the first time ever though someone actually gave me advice on how to fix it#which is to wash the residual stickies off and then put on anti-itch cream like!!!!#if it works i'm gonna be so ecstatic cause i fuckin' cannot stand that sometimes the bandaid rash is worse than the initial thing#that i put the bandaid on for#anywa stay salty obx hoodie of gender is the best hoodie and i am so glad i spent tourist money for it#well worth the expense for what i'm getting out of the experience
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Sometimes. Impulse purchases. Can be so personal.
#speculation nation#im working basically full time. 6 days a week. i deserve to treat myself.#mayhaps i bought a bootleg print of the entire trigun manga...#KIND OF on impulse but ive spent months going 'i want this manga so bad'. so.#i did my research bought from a well reviewed seller checked up on the bootleg company (apparently they print good quality)#was this a wise purchase? not necessarily. but id have enough for rent after this Even Without the next payday b4 then#so like. it's fine. im just gonna cut down on buying merch for.. a bit.#I DESERVE THIS OK... + since im taking the semester off ill have more money anyways :p#i probably will buy the official reprints as they come out too. already did buy the first thing right when it was announced#but that wont be out until DECEMBERRRRR & who knows how long for the rest of them#i want them NOW 😠😠😠😠😠#well. theyll be here in a week or two. i will definitely post about them when they arrive lol#it's stressful to spend this much money. but it's still much less than a resale of the official print!!!! so It's Fine#i wanna own all of my fav mangas. this will make all 3 of them that i own the entireties of.#i'll be much more excited once the money disappears from my brain lol.#and the Longing Is Intense......
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it might just be bc it's late and i get sad sometimes when it's late but i'm sad i like feeel soooo bad about several things and i feel like i want to cry but i can't ughh idk...
#just gonna like write out my problems in the tags bc that like helps me process them 👍#first of i feel like i can't connect well with people at all#especially with people in school.. there are some people i am fine with i can like talk with them fine and feel a connection#but then like with others i just feel..so out of touch with them idk#i just feel like they don't want to be around me anymore and i'm just some annoying guy that is there#but like i know that isn't true (hopefully)#ugggh and then like i go back to thinking they do actually not like me and yeah just a whole loop going on#after i get tired of thinking about that i think about school in general and start getting stressed about it#even though i am doing alright it's idk..#it;s just i'm like thinking of stuff that happens later through the school year and thinking i want things to get finished quickly#i like want to get my paintings and projects done already but i gotta think and take my time and shit!#i want it done now so i won't have to do it anymore even though i do like working on them#when i work on something i want to like sit down and work on it till it's done#which is kind of a not good habit to have i know i've been trying to like try to get rid of it#or like minimize it#ok i'm like reading over these and like. i think it's bc i might be neurodivergent.#i keep forgetting i got a high score in that autism test...hmmm#anyway also stressed about this camping trip for school that happens next week#1) my mom keeps nagging me about how i am physically weak to like go camping but still wants me to go to it#2) we have to be in groups and you don't like get assigned one you have to like just form it... which like#if you've read above i am having trouble with people and connecting hence i haven't found a group yet orz...#and that's like it for that.#school is just stressing a bit and i don't want that....#last problem is like kind of dumb but like my youtube feed has sucky videos i don't want to watch and i haaaaate it.#it's like it doesn't get me at all.....whatever...#ok i think that's like enough...feel a bit better laying it all out#still feel those things but like doing this made me feel better feeling this way and understand them#feeling things is good and alright 👍
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Sometimes I think a lot about my mom's cat
My mom's cat is a common domestic shorthair we found on the side of the road as a kitten
Regular cat, not a maine coon or one of those massive breeds. His mom was smaller than a loaf of bread
But in a sort of a Clifford The Big Red Dog situation, he grew super fast, and really really big, and took a super long time to stop growing
Worried that she was overfeeding him, she eased back his portions, but he stayed a massive round baby
When he started having kidney problems, she took him to the vet.
The vet took a look at him and said, "holy fuck, what are you feeding him", checked the nutritional listings on his chow, and told her "Yeah, maybe he's reacting badly to the amount of grain in this, try a meatier diet"
So my mom wound up special-ordering this specific high-protein prescription cat food made of like. Kangaroo meat or some shit that cost like sixty bucks a bag
And, as typical act two in an episode of House, he somehow got worse on the fancy specialized stuff that was supposed to be Primo Athlete Olympic Feline Blend
Like. WAY worse. His guts were inflamed and his kidneys were shutting down and he was all sore and HE WAS STILL HUGE, just miserable and sad
So shetook him back to the vet, where they had to help him pee (he was apparently close to bursting and had some kind of blockage too) and went "Yeah no this is NOT normal and we don't know what's going on, we're gonna do some tests but in the meantime you should go back to what he was eating before, at least that wasn't actively killing him" so she did
And he still wasn't great, but he also improved
And so they take his blood and do an ultrasound and a couple g's later she gets a call back like "this is gonna sound crazy, but we want you to put him on a low-meat diet. Just the least amount of protein and iron and shit. We need you to find the grainiest, filler-iest dollar tree kibble available and give him some of that bad bad shit"
And my mother is a woman of science. So she did
And he GOT BETTER
His energy picked back up, inflammation went down, he started drinking normally again, got back to pissing like a fuckin champion
And so it turns out that out of all the random ass freeway bonus cats we possibly could have scooped out of a ditch, WE got the one-in-a-million freak of nature with a SPECIFIC genetic defect that means a paleo protein free range diet is essentially poison and he THRIVES on cheap ass garbage
Like. He medically NEEDS junk food
I dont really understand how that works, but i cant argue with results.
If we had four of him, they'd outweigh my mom. And he's FINE
Also blind, but that's unrelated
Im not using him as a symbol or a metaphor or anything. I just keep catching myself thinking about my mom's Big Fucking Cat
#I'm sorry#I feel like this is supposed to be some kind of message from the universe#Like maybe I'm the cat and the garbage food is. Something#But nope he just lives in my head rent free#The biggest fucking boy
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#lol I got scared and thought my therapist was ghosting me#and i think i accidentally annoyed her because i messaged her Monday because I was trying to get an appointment last week but she was on#vacation and she didn't reply so i messaged her again today because i kind of urgently need an appointment because i am suicidal and having#thoughts about self harm big time and idk the way she replied just felt Off™ to me from normal you know but also could just be the rsd#the rsd which is exacerbated by these thoughts and feelings I'm having so like it's probably fine but my anxiety is through the roof and I'm#not taking my meds because lol idk. so like i just don't want to take them even though i know i should but i literally don't want to do#anything and it's a challenge to just get up and go to work like idk I'm trying not to call out because i keep doing that because i keep#having mental health issues and such but like this is the worst I've been in literally years#i am absolutely suffering in my own mind right now and if it wasn't for my family and the few friends i have and my dogs I'd probably#literally just end it all right now. like I'm not going to probably but like#idk i made a handful of suicide attempts when i was s teenager and obviously they all failed and i can't think of a painless way to die#and i don't have access to anything that would take me out quickly like a gun so like idk whatever i guess. I'm just here to suffer and be#miserable but it's probably what i deserve anyway tbh so like no big deal but like idk. just tired of life. i fail all the time. i fail at#work i fail in my relationships i fail my pets i fail my family i fail my friends it's all im good at is failing#tbh didn't even think I'd make it past 18 but now I'm approaching my mid twenties and I'm just kind of here doing whatever you know#I'm gonna go get high i think. need a fridge in my room for beer so I don't have to go get drunk at the bar#I'm broke anyway not like i can hop over there but also it's late and i have to sleep i guess for work that i have to force myself to go to#what a sad existence
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