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rafecameronscockwarmer · 2 years

Text

THE KNIFE I TURN WITHIN MYSELF (Rafe Cameron x Reader)

writers note:

hi okaaaay so this is my very first fic im new to the community and a little nervous so bear with me! i used to write a lot mostly when i was a kid but i haven’t in years and i haven’t written anything like this ever, but i love to write and am currently obsessed with rafe cameron and obx so i thought id give it a try and just started writing lol. i have literally never ever written smut before so if it’s cringy i apologize in advance! this isn’t a one shot i kinda maybe wanted to write a series if u guys liked it and would maybe want one? ANYWAYS it’s super angsty im not even gonna lie and definitely a darker fic so if you aren’t comfortable with that this probably isn’t the fic for you! please enjoy ✨

Words: 5.8K (it's lengthy I'm sorry lol)

WARNINGS: DUB-CON at times, STEPCEST (sorry lol), drug abuse/self harm, depression, smut eventually!!!! 18+ ONLY PLEASE

Summary: Kildare’s Kook Princess is forced to return home to the Outer Banks for the first time in two years since abruptly leaving for college. Unable to hold yourself together any longer, you’re forced to come face to face with the home and family you left behind and the boy you so desperately tried to forget.

It had been two years since you had last stepped foot on the island you once called home, and you couldn’t help but feel a sense of unease in your stomach as you waited for the ferry to dock. You left for California the summer after you graduated, making UCLA your new home, with plans on never looking back. You used every excuse you could to avoid coming home to the Outer Banks, but most importantly, back to Tannyhill. If it wasn’t for Rose, your mother, threatening to cut you off financially unless you came home for the summer, you wouldn’t have. The Outer Banks simply held far too many painful memories for you, and the idea of being home for an entire summer made you want to hurl the contents of your stomach over the side of the boat into the pristine blue sea.

You picked at your fingers anxiously, a nervous habit you picked up as a kid, whenever you were stressed, as you waited for the ferry to arrive on the island. You broke the habit once you moved out to California, substituting self-mutilation for a certain white powder that you were already all too familiar with due to your stepbrother Rafe’s problem with it. The irony was not lost on you, as you descended down the rabbit hole of the Los Angeles lifestyle, eventually becoming a female carbon copy of the exact person you had been running from. He was who you dreaded seeing the most, the very reason for your departure from the island and why you refused to come home. Your family, of course, blissfully unaware of the true reason for your self-imposed exile, believing you when you lied to them about being too busy with school and work to visit. It wasn’t like you didn’t miss your family or friends, but you knew that the best thing for you was to be far away from the island that loomed before you. He had a habit of clouding your judgment, something you needed no help with as you were already prone to making shitty decisions on your own.

You walked off the ferry in search of your ride, praying that Ward and Rose hadn’t sent him to pick you up, they weren’t specific in saying who would get you which made your stomach turn in fear of being alone with him even if it was just for a ten minute car ride. You didn’t know if you could survive being in a car with Rafe, let alone back at home with him for three whole months. The anxiety in you started to grow, your comedown hitting you hard as everything you tried to forget over the last two years began to resurface. You looked around the crowd for a familiar face, your shoulders sagging with relief when you didn’t see anyone. Fuck it, you thought to yourself as you turned to get back on the ferry, your brain already coming up with a variety of lame excuses you could use to explain to your parents why you weren’t waiting on the dock and why you would not be coming home, once again.

“Y/N!” You turned around slightly annoyed at being spotted before you could make your escape, but you smiled when you saw Sarah and Wheezie, running over to you with flowers and a “Welcome Home Y/N!” sign in hand. Your heart wrenched with guilt at the sight of your sisters, your eyes welling up the moment they both enveloped you into a hug, almost knocking you down.

“We missed you so much!” Wheezie exclaimed as she took a step back, readjusting her glasses to look up at you, her face lit up with adoration.

“Did you just try to get back on the ferry?” Sarah questioned with a smirk as her initial excitement to see you wore off when she realized what you were trying to do prior to your guys’ reunion. “Gotta be quicker than that, babe.”

You laughed, raising your hands up in defense, “You caught me.” The three of you laughed together as you pulled them both in for another hug. “I missed you both so much! Wheezie, you're almost as tall as me now!”

“Well I am a growing girl. And you would know that if you hadn’t disappeared for the last two years.” She huffed with an eye roll while you put your arm around her shoulder as you three began to make your way to the car. You cringed internally at the jab, but you knew they both had the right to be annoyed with your lack of presence within the family lately.

“I didn’t disappear!”

“No you just moved across the country and never came back, not even to visit once!” Wheezie shot back.

“It’s compl-” You started, your anxiety rising again as you fiddled with your fingers. Sarah looked down, instantly noticing the peeled and raw edges of your cuticles, biting her lip with worry while quickly changing the subject.

“Who cares! You're finally home and ours to torment for the next three months!” Out of all your siblings, you stayed the closest to Sarah. Despite the two year age difference, she was your best friend, unofficial twin ,and the keeper of all your secrets. Well, you thought, most of your secrets.

“While there’s nothing I would love more than to be tormented by you both”, you laughed “I am exhausted from the trip and just wanna lay in my bed right now, lucky for you guys I’ll be here for three months so there will be endless opportunities for you guys to torture me throughout the summer!”

“I’ll let you rest for a bit but there’s a party at the boneyard tonight you HAVE to come! I’ll drag you by your nose piercing if I have to, you’re back home and we need to celebrate properly. With lots of liquor.” Sarah giggled before giving you the look, a simple pout she used to get her away. And it got you. Every single time. “Besides, the pogues are excited to see you! Especially JJ.”

“Oh god,” you rolled your eyes while Wheezie wrinkled her nose in disgust at the way Sarah sang JJ’s name.

“Come on,” Sarah whined, “I’m finally old enough to party with you, and what better way to celebrate Kildare’s favorite kook princess return home with a bonfire on the beach?”

“Fine I’ll go! But I am so not Kildare’s favorite kook princess, that would be you”you snorted, as you all got into the car.

“Haven’t you heard? I’ve crossed over to the dark side.” Sarah said, “I’m a pogue now.”

Sarah was always the more free spirit of your siblings, that being one of the reasons that drew you to her when you first met. The Cameron’s were Figure 8 royalty, and with that last name came wealth, and the expectations to be better than everyone else. Especially the pogues. She was the most down to earth girl on your side of the island, a rarity in kook central, where everyone’s favorite pastime was shitting on the less fortunate that resided on the other side of the island. You were born a pogue, a fact about yourself you seem to forget often, having become accustomed to the lavish lifestyle, but you weren’t an elitist snob like the rest of Figure 8.

“Yeah, she’s been hanging out with John B a lot,” Wheezie added from the backseat while Sarah glared at her through the rearview mirror. Wheezie stuck her tongue out in retaliation.

“John B, huh? What happened with Topper?” You teased as the blonde rolled her eyes, causing you to laugh.

“I got bored,” Sarah said as Wheezie spoke simultaneously “She got bored.”

You laughed again because that sounded exactly like her. When she first told you about Topper, you knew it would end this way, Sarah wasn’t the kind of girl that aspired to have the perfect Kook husband, family, and home. No, that was more your dream than hers. You always knew it was a matter of time before her attention would turn to the cut looking for fun. It gave her the freedom Los Angeles gave you.

“Whatever, let’s get you home so you can rest so we can go out and have some fun tonight!”

The reality of your situation began to settle within you, as you looked out the window at the streets of what you once considered home. You wanted to cry but held back tears, not wanting your sisters to know that you really didn’t want to be home. They were so happy to see you, and you missed them so much, it was hard for you to think about how you left them behind and how much they’d grown since you left. You felt like you missed out on so much, but you knew deep down it was your fault. You chose to be gone. Wheezie was right, you all but disappeared.

Sniffling discreetly, you turned your attention back to Sarah, “Who’s all home?”

“Dads out of town, some meeting with investors I guess I don’t know,” Sarah said, “Rose is with the committee finalizing the finishing touches for Midsummers.”

“Oh God, I forgot all about Midsummers,” you groaned at the thought of being surrounded by every single family that resided on Figure 8 and all the pretentious ass kids you went to school with. It was the event of the summer, every summer, and as Ward Cameron’s daughter, your attendance was mandatory. It was the perfect place for him to show off his perfect family to the community and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at the idea of pretending to be the perfect nuclear family, when you were very much the opposite.

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to center yourself, “What about Rafe?”

“He’s at the club, golfing with Kelce and Top” Sarah said as she rolled her eyes at the mention of Rafe. They were never close, your stepfather’s love for Sarah shined brighter than his love for Rafe. His favoritism was no secret, no matter how much Sarah wanted to deny it, you could see it, everyone could see it. It bothered you, and you knew Rafe resented her for it, which made your heart involuntarily ache every time you thought about it.

“He’s been a real dick lately, ya know, like I don’t know what his problem is.”

“Yeah he’s been acting really weird since he found out you were coming home” Wheezie said, as your heart began to pound erratically at the thought of seeing him again. You couldn’t avoid him forever, especially not when your bedroom was directly across the hall from his. You’ll be okay, you think to yourself, in an attempt to calm yourself down. Just avoid him at all costs, and you’ll be fine, you thought. Easier said than done, but it doesn't hurt to attempt anyway.

“Maybe now that you’re home you can pull the stick out of his ass. He was always nicer when you’re around. You’re like the only one he listens to anyways.” Sarah huffed as she finally pulled up to the long driveway of Tannyhill. She was right, unfortunately as you were always the one to keep Rafe in check, the only one who could pull him out of his episodes when his intrusive thoughts took over and he began to act maniacally. It was you who came to his rescue after every fight he no doubt purposely started, and it was you who cleaned and bandaged his wounds. While you and Sarah were close, you and Rafe were inseparable, or well, used to be before you basically ran away. Your hands start to shake as you gripped your phone tighter, attempting to ground yourself. It’d been too long since your last bump, and that insatiable craving for more coupled with your anxiety had you on edge. You had to get to your room as soon as possible.

“Ugh anyways, enough about Rafe,” Sarah said in disgust as she put the car in park and turned to you, her blue eyes wide and excitement coursing through her veins.

“Welcome home!” Wheezie squealed, poking her head in from the backseat as the car came to a halt. You looked up at Tannyhill, the sprawling mansion intimidating you as your childhood memories all came rushing back, overwhelming you, causing a swirl of butterflies in your lower stomach, that you did your best to ignore. You weakly faked a smile, not wanting them to know that you’d rather be anywhere else in the world than back here. Welcome home, you thought bitterly to yourself with a grimace. Welcome fucking home.

Eleven years ago.

You were nervous, excited, but nervous to finally have a real home and family. Life on the Cut with your mom wasn't bad. You were a lot more fortunate than others living comfortably, but you ached for a real family with siblings and a dad that was actually present. Not long after you turned nine, you were gifted that, when Rose began dating Ward, and not long after that, he proposed to her, moving you both in with him and his three kids at Tannyhill. You liked Sarah the most, even though she was younger than you, Wheezie barely being three at the time, Rafe was a year older than you but had already held such a disdain for pogues which he made perfectly clear every time you two were in the same room with each other.

“Just because your mom is marrying my dad doesn’t make you a kook, you know,” the then ten year old said angrily, looking down upon you with a look of disgust on his face. “Once a pogue, always a pogue.”

You did your best to not let his mean words make you cry, up until then you played the sweet and dutiful daughter and were nothing but nice to Rafe even when he was being downright nasty for no good reason. But if this was your future for the next nine years, you didn’t know if you could handle it.

Finally fed up with his attitude towards you, you looked up, staring into his baby blue eyes, doing your best to look intimidating, “You’re kind of an asshole.”

His eyes widened in surprise, and a slight smirk appeared on his face as he looked you up and down, but he didn’t have the chance to respond.

“Y/N!” You turned around to see your mom stomping towards you, her face lit up with embarrassment, “We do NOT call people assholes. Apologize to Rafe.” Rose chastised.

You scoffed, “He started it!”

“I don’t care who started it, I’m ending it. Apologize, now.” Your mother looked at you expectantly, waiting for you while Rafe stood there looking amused. You wanted to slap that stupid smirk off his face but did your best to restrain yourself.

Sighing dramatically, “I’m sorry that I called you an asshole when you were being an asshole.”

“Y/N!”

Rafe laughed, probably the first genuine one you heard since you met the boy, and as much as you hated to admit it, you liked it. You wish he did it often, you thought. For the first time, his eyes didn’t hold any malice in them when he looked down at you, and your anger disappeared as you looked back up at him.

“I’m sorry.”

“What’s going on?” Ward questioned as he entered the room, sensing the tension between his son and future daughter. His steely gaze met with Rafe’s, causing the boy to look down nervously.

“Oh you know, just kids being kids,” your mother reached up to fix the collar of Ward’s shirt, one hand lingering on his chest. “It’s been dealt with.”

“Good.” He looked down at Rafe, with a look on his face you were all too familiar with. You’d seen it on your own dad when he was still around. It was the kind of look that made you want to shrink into nothing because it made you feel like nothing. It was a look that said we’ll discuss this later, behind closed doors. “Rose and Y/N are family now, and I expect them to be treated as such. She’s your sister now Rafe, act like it.”

Rafe scowled at the floor as he mumbled under his breath, “Yes, sir.”

As soon as you made your way into the mansion, you feigned tiredness immediately sprinting up the spiral staircase to your room. You stopped once you made it to the second floor, hesitating to go into your room at first, as your body unconsciously drew yourself outside of Rafe’s bedroom. His door was closed which was no surprise to you, you knew he wasn’t home but you couldn’t stop yourself as you turned the knob and pushed the door open. His room looked the same, nothing had changed since the last time you’d been in there, like two years hadn’t just passed. You couldn’t help yourself as you wandered in and closed the door quickly behind you, your back pressing against the door as you scanned his room with your eyes, unsure of what you were really even looking for. You didn’t know why you were there. Your body moved on autopilot as you moved around the room, refamilizing yourself with the place you spent countless days and nights in. Your fingers lightly brushed along the comforter of his bed, the same way one he had when you were home, knowing that this was the closest thing you’d allow yourself to Rafe. Once upon a time, you were the only one Rafe allowed in his room and now you stood in it once more, feeling like a stranger in the very place that was once your safe haven from the stressors of being a Cameron.

It became too much for you, and you turned to leave abruptly, but not before catching a glimpse of a photo frame on his desk that wasn’t there when you left two years ago. At closer inspection, you gasped when you realized it was you in the picture, well you and Rafe. It was taken at Midsummer’s when you were fifteen and he was sixteen. It was the first time you had a date to the event, instead of just attending with your family. You’d been asked by Alex Fairworth, a senior at Kildare Academy, who also incidentally you had a slight crush on at the time. You were so happy and excited to be able to go with someone as cool as Alex, but ultimately ended up being stood up that night. You spent weeks searching for the perfect dress and shoes just wanting Alex to notice you. You were embarrassed, dreading the idea of walking in alone when you realized he wasn’t going to show up. You weren’t surprised either when you ran into him at the club, a week after Midsummer’s, and had seen his face black and blue. You knew who did it as you smirked at him, silently taunting him for standing you up.

Rafe came to your rescue that night ditching his own date to ensure you didn’t walk in alone. You were grateful but the humiliation still lingered on your face when you walked in with your step brother instead of Alex, as you could already hear the whispers from others about your date or lack thereof. Rafe did your best to distract you that night, never leaving your side, glaring at anyone who dared to side eye you. He stole you both a bottle of champagne and kept you both drunk, laughing throughout the night together as you forgot all about Alex just enjoying the night with him causing chaos at the club.

Your mother had finally tracked you both down, as you had spent the night doing your very best to avoid her and dodge her questions about Alex. You were both scolded for being drunk at Midsummer's but were forced to go take photos of the family together. You remember the look Ward gave Rafe when he realized you were both drunk, as you both attempted to hold it together for photos. This photo was just of you and him, him looking down at you with a smile and while you smiled for the camera. He looked so handsome that night in his powder blue tux, your heart twisting with grief at the framed photo as you remembered the night everything changed.

You took one last look around his room before walking out and closing the door dashing across the hall into your room before you could be spotted leaving Rafe’s. You walked into your room, throwing yourself on the freshly made bed, probably done in preparation for your arrival. You felt all the tears you spent all day holding back finally bubbling back up as you cried quietly into your pillow, your entire body shaking as you sobbed. How were you supposed to handle an entire summer home you thought to yourself, mentally beating yourself up at being this shaken up over just being in his room. You don’t know why you even went in there in the first place, it was the exact opposite of your whole “avoid Rafe at all costs” plan.

“Get a fucking grip, Y/N.” You muttered to yourself as you made your way into your bathroom. You looked in the mirror at yourself, your face was sunken and your Y/E/C eyes were bloodshot. You looked like a shell of your old self, the carefree sparkle in your eyes that once shined so brightly was dead, and you suppose you were just an empty shell of the girl you used to be. You had changed so much, you almost didn’t recognize yourself. You didn’t see it in LA, but you suppose coming home opened your eyes to how you really looked now.

You needed a fix and you needed it now. Something to perk you up even if only temporarily before you started to feel like the dead girl staring back at you in the mirror. You left the bathroom to lock your door, and made a beeline to your purse for a certain small baggie in your wallet. You sighed with relief when you found it but started to panic when you realized how much you had left. You could always hit up Barry, but you didn’t want word getting back to Rafe about your newfound hobby that you picked up in California. Whatever you thought, you could always just give him more money for his silence and you knew Barry’s sleazy ass well enough to know that it would work. You quickly spilled the contents of the bag onto your phone and got to work breaking up the powder into four small white lines. You quickly snorted all of them up, rubbing your nose for any leftover residue.

You felt your heart begin to beat fast as the numbness took over your face, and you exhaled in relief as that familiar buzz invaded your body, relaxing you. You grabbed the bottle of anxiety medication out of your purse, quickly downing two pills as you laid back in bed, feeling your body tingle softly as the drugs took effect while your mind drifted away. Not long after that you finally fell into a deep slumber dreaming in a kaleidoscope of blues, the very same shade belonging to a certain pair of eyes you had spent the last two years forcing yourself to forget.

You awoke a few hours later to a loud banging on your bedroom door as Sarah yelled at you from the other side. “Don’t think you're getting out of going out with me Y/N, get up!”

You groggily opened your eyes and shuffled out of your bed to unlock your bedroom door, the light from the hallway blinding you as you opened the door to see Sarah looking at you with her eyebrows raised and a mischievous smile on her face. She was already ready, having wisely spent the last few hours preparing for the night while you were in a self-induced coma. You rolled your eyes as she barged into your room leading you to your vanity table and forcing you in the seat.

“No offense, but you look like shit,” Sarah started as she stood behind you looking at your reflection in the mirror as you sheepishly avoided making eye contact with her, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you lied, finally meeting her eyes, plastering a smile on your face. “Just tired from everything right now. Between school and work and coming home, it’s a lot you know.” She looked at you for a minute trying to decide whether or not she thought you were lying. She nodded, her face softening as she started to brush your hair. You both sat there in silence as she styled your hair, you relaxing into her touch. You hated lying to her and hated even more that she could always tell when you were, but Sarah respected your boundaries and knew you would come to her when you were ready. You hummed in appreciation as her fingers ran through your hair pulling half of it up and pinning it with a clip.

Sarah placed her arms around your shoulders holding you from behind as you both stared at each other in the mirror, “I really did miss you. I know you said it was complicated and I respect that, but please don’t leave. At least not like that again. I get why you want out and away, you know, more than anyone else in this house at least,” she trailed off for a second, her blue eyes looking glassy, “Just don’t disappear again, please.”

You reached up to place your hand on her arm, and smiled softly, “I won’t, I promise.”

“Good.” she sniffled as she wiped her tears away, she looked at you and smiled seemingly satisfied with your answer. “Now let’s get you ready! JJ’s been asking about you ever since I told him you were coming home.” Sarah smiled smugly, evidently proud of herself.

“Sarah!”

“What? He totally thinks you're hot and I know you think he is too!” She giggled as you began to blush. JJ was cute, very cute in fact and could provide you with the distraction you do desperately needed in order to survive the summer.

You smiled slyly at her, “He is really cute.”

“I knew it!” Sarah squealed as you began to apply your makeup in a pathetic attempt to make yourself look less dead. Thankfully, a little concealer, blush, and a pair of false eyelashes go a long way. You stared at your reflection in the mirror, almost recognizing the girl looking back at you, the girl who Sarah knew, the girl in Rafe’s photo. You shook yourself out of your thoughts, you weren’t her anymore, and you hadn’t been in a long time, even before you left the Outer Banks.

The Boneyard hadn’t changed, and you don’t know why you would have thought it would be any different than when you were the one in high school drinking Mai Tai’s mingling among the crowd of Kooks, Pogues and Tourons that regularly gathered at the beach. To your left stood the Kook’s keeping to their own as usual, you thought as you rolled your eyes, you had never understood the whole Kooks vs Pogues thing on the Island, you thought it was stupid. You made your way down the beach to where a few of the Pogues had gathered around the bonfire, blunts passing as cans clinked and laughter soared through the night’s breeze. Your heart warmed at the sight of your friends, you were always closer to the Pogues even if you were the Kook princess. You were beloved by all, Kook or Pogue it didn’t matter, you radiated light and everyone around you could see that, even when you couldn’t.

Your name was shouted as Kie spotted you first, gaining the attention of JJ, John B, and Pope. They all stood up rushing over to you, Kie pulling you in for a hug with JJ and Pope throwing their arms around the two of you. John B was off to the side hugging Sarah and you smiled at the way he looked at her, you missed that as the dull void in your chest started to ache.

“Welcome back to the OBX princess!” JJ teased, using his favorite nickname for you, “Been wonderin’ when you were gonna bless us all with your presence again.” his gorgeous blue eyes raked your form up and down, while you liked the attention the shaggy blonde boy gave you, his eyes just weren’t the right shade of blue for you.

You laughed, twirling your hair, giggling as you flirted back, “ Awww did you miss me Maybank?”

“Island ain’t the same without you, baby”, He drawled winking as he grinned down at you.

“Well I’m here now,” you said as you stole the cup of alcohol out of his hands, tossing it back savoring the burn of JJ’s favorite concoction, a secret mixture of liquors he deemed “happy juice”. You felt some of the liquid slide down the side of your mouth and dribble down your throat as JJ hungrily eyed your throat, wondering what you tasted like and if you were as sweet as he thought.

“That’s my girl!” He hollered, “We got a lot of lost time to drink for, two years to be specific, let’s get you another drink princess.” You allowed JJ to grab your hand and pull you through the crowd, to the old beer pong table they called the drink station. You knew it probably wasn’t a good idea to drink and let your guard down but you needed it and it had been so long since you had fun with your friends. It could’ve been the coke you snorted before you left when Sarah wasn’t looking talking, but you wanted to get into a little trouble tonight and JJ was the perfect person to get into trouble with.

You were nervous knowing that he could show up at any moment, but you hadn’t seen him earlier when you arrived, your eyes nervously scanning the beach looking for the 6’2’ boy. You felt yourself relax into JJ’s touch as he put his arm around you pulling you into him. Handing you your cup, he walked you back to the pogues as they stood off to the side waiting for you two.

“So Y/N, kudos to getting off the Island, a rare feat for us small folks.” Pope said with a smile. Where JJ was fun to flirt with, Pope was your favorite to talk to, he was smart and amazingly self aware but was also just a really sweet guy in general.

“Yeah, how’s California?” Kie asked as everyone turned to you.

“I heard the waves out there are fuckin awesome.” JJ exclaimed.

“Honestly California’s great, I love LA. And yes the waves are fuckin awesome.” You laughed answering JJ’s question, while he beamed drunkenly at you “I haven’t really had much time to surf lately but there really is nothing like it out there.”

“Is that why you haven’t come back? Forgot all about us pogues?” teased John B, as Sarah looked worriedly at you. You shook your head laughing, silently conveying to her that you were fine, as she relaxed back into John B’s arms. For the first time in a long time you even believed it yourself, you were drunk already, JJ’s happy juice taking effect quickly as you giggled under the stars carelessly with your friends.

“I could never forget about you guys! Once a pogue, always a pogue, there isn’t a place in the world that could change that,” you assured them as they all raised their cup in agreement.

“Hear-hear.” Kie said before sipping her drink causing you to giggle some more. Damn. You were a lot more drunk than you thought.

“I have a gift for you,” JJ said as he reached into his pocket, your interest peaked as your big eyes stared at him expectantly. You weren’t sure what to expect but laughed loudly when he placed a blunt in your hand. “Nothing but the best for our Kook princess.”

You rolled your eyes as you placed the blunt between your lips waiting for JJ to light the blunt for you. It took him a second, as he was distracted by your natural pout and the way your eyes seductively looked up at him. He thought about taking the blunt out of your mouth to kiss you but decided against it. You sat back while taking a hit from the blunt, letting the THC take over your body and mingle with the other substances already flowing through your bloodstream.

For the first time since you had arrived back on the Island, you felt at peace, like nothing had ever changed. You were happy to be home, surrounded by your friends, reunited with your sisters again. You were glad Sarah forced you out, enjoying the moment, soaking it up, blissfully unaware of the fact that it was about to come crumbling down.

You looked around you, taking in the sight of your friends together, the ocean roaring next to you and the carefree sounds of the island’s youth partying together. You smile to yourself, having forgotten about your fears and anxiety, almost forgetting about him entirely and why you had run away in the first place. You looked up across the bonfire entirely by chance, locking eyes with the boy that occupied your mind when you were awake and haunted you when you slept.

Fuck. Rafe.

if you want to be tagged, comment and let me know!! i sincerely hope you guys enjoy this as much as i did writing it<3

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x y/n #drew starkey #obx #rafe cameron smut #outer banks #outer banks fic #outer banks fanfiction #outerbanks rafe #rafe fic #rafe obx #rafe cameron x kook!reader #rafe cameron x reader #jj mayback x reader #sarah cameron x reader #stepbrother!rafe cameron

348 notes · View notes

softwebss · 2 years

Note

Oh m gee girl the last fanfic you wrote was just >>>> *chefs kiss* loved it- also act you knowing who I am hehehhshshde you might or might not ill never tell ;) anyway cos im obsessed with Peter Parker…. hc mcu! Peter Parker meeting y/n and falling in love with her in first sight, and doing everything he can to get her to like him~ bonus points if my dude mr. stark or Loki (loml) helps him flirt with herrr~~~~

🌸 anon <3

Oblivious (( peter parker x reader )) ♡ author's note: Flower anon you sure are cheeky >:D thank you for feeding ur hopeless writer with ideas huhuhuhu~ also im changing this bit format cos the old one looks horribly OOGLY ehhehsswdwdfsfs- also this is placed after homecoming but before far from home (aka when tony stark is alive because i refuse to believe he's dead lmao *cries*)

♡ synopsis: peter parker meeting y/n and falls in love in first sight, and tells her unexpectedly. strangers to best friends to lovers au.

♡ pairings: peter parker x fem!reader, platonic! loki x peter parker, platonic! tony x peter parker

♡ word count:

♡ warnings: fluff, strangers to best friends to lovers au, mild swearing, one sexual reference because tony blackmailed me and forced me to write that >:((, peter being a flustered MESS because I love him that way skdjksjsf

—

You were the newest intern at Stark Industries. You couldn’t have imagine how you got in, compared to the hundreds of other people who applied. You squirmed into the building, awestruck at how the building was so large. You hitched your breath and kept the files close to your chest. A bag was pulled by your right hand, and as you entered the place you stopped to admire the architecture of it.

The place was bustling with fancy men and women in suits. You flushed, looking down to your attire. A casual oversized hoodie with a pair of black tights. Your hair was let open, and you thought you looked like a mess compared to everyone else.

All the posh ladies had their hair tied either in a bun or a ponytail. You shuffled through your purse to check if you had a spare scrunchie.

You suddenly heard a loud crash from behind. Startled you stumbled back. Before you could say anything, someone ran into you, pushing you back and making you drop all the files and paperwork.

“Not this,“ you mumbled, running a hand through your hair. This was not a good start to your day.

You bent down to pick the papers up, when an unfamiliar boy came to help you. He picked the files up before you could react and handed them over to you, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. “Who-“ You were cut off by him apologising.

“I’m so sorry for shoving you, “ The boy went on, “I was running late and didn’t see you and I-“

“It’s fine,”

“You could’ve gotten hurt-“ “Nah,” You shrugged, “It really isn’t that big of a deal,”

The boy looked about your age. A bit taller than you, and he dressed around the same way. He was wearing a bone white shirt which read a geeky science joke. His curly brown hair reminded you of that one fictional character you had a crush on in first grade. The resemblance was uncanny.

“It isn’t every day you knock a pretty girl over,” He blushed, putting his hand in his pocket. “Why don’t I treat you for a cup of coffee to pay you back?”

Your cheeks reddened. The feeling of heat rose in your face. “I would- err- love to but,” you started, “I’m an intern here and if I bunk my first day, Mr. Stark would probably have a bad impression of me.”

He burst out in a grin. “I know Mr. Stark personally, and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you do it once. And I’ll obviously tell him I initiated the idea if he asks.”

You debated if you should go or not.

‘Heck,’ you thought to yourself, ‘I get the chance to talk to a cute guy who doesn’t think I’m a idiot for once, I’m not getting rid of this chance’

“It’s a date then!” You smirked, watching him blush.

—

Two months passed by. You were currently Mr. Stark’s favourite intern. Now that you knew Peter Parker (the boy) was also interning, you could spend all your time with him. You hanged out with the Avengers with him, and told all your secrets to him.

One time you caught Peter changing out of his Spiderman suit, and knew why he was disappearing at random times and why he knew everything about the Avengers (mainly because he is one)

Peter was your best friend, you couldn’t imagine what you’d do without him. He sneaked in your room during the night and talked to you for hours. You never told him about your little crush, scared that he wouldn’t return the feelings for you.

Little did you know, he was falling hard. From the moment he saw you, he was in love. Peter would do anything to steal little moments with you, from almost losing Aunt May’s trust from visiting you every night, to showing you top secret inventions in Tony’s lab. When you were in concentration to do anything, he stopped whatever he was supposed to do, and stared at you, taking in the essence of your elegancy (even when you were stuffing food in your face which did not look elegant to everyone but him)

Thing was, you didn't notice. This was the first time you had a best friend, and you couldn't draw the line between romantic or friendly. Peter would buy you a box of your favourite chocolate and the whole series of that one book series you've been wanting for the past week, and you'd say it was a 'best friend thing' as Natasha smirked evilly and Clint laughed hysterically

"BEST- OH GOD SAVE ME- NAT DID YOU HEAR THAT- AHAHAHAHA-" Clint wheezed. "Don't tease the young lovers," Natasha rolled her eyes playfully. "He isn't in love with me!" You exclaimed. "Suuureeee he isn't," Clint grinned, "The same way I don't think Thor is the hottest avenger." "Gaaaaayyyyyy," Tony yelled from across the room. "Like you don't think the same, Tin Can!" Clint stuck his tongue out

You huffed and walked out. Stupid Avengers. —

"She's so cute..." Peter thought out loud, from behind the entryway of the kitchen. You were doing your math homework on the kitchen counter, and you threatened to kill anyone who disturbed you.

Tony, who was making pasta in the, leaned back. "You think so?" He mused.

Peter stumbled back and balanced himself, scared from Tony's outburst. "Oh- mister Stark- h..hihi!" He said all too quickly. "I Didn't- didn't see ya- oh boy I did not see you there- haha-"

Tony raised and eyebrow and walked towards peter, draping an arm around him. "First of all kid, she has her headphones on so she can't hear us even if we scream," He said, "Second of all, cut the shit son." "What?" "Yeah, We know you like her" "WHAT!?"

Tony sighed. "It's not like you're hiding it well, you're acting like a lovesick dork around her."

Peter flushed. "I don't act like-" "You almost tripped on the stairs and broke your nose trying to give her roses on her birthday." "It was her birthday! I couldn't not give her something!" "Roses, parker. You gave her roses and you expect me to think you don't like her romantically."

Peter bit his lip. "Maybe I... Maybe I do have a small crush on her-" "Small?" "Fineeeeee, a big crush," He murmured, "But I know she'll never like a loser like me..."

Tony shrugged, glancing back at him, and then you. "Don't worry, kid. I have a few tricks up my sleeve." A smirk was plastered across his face, and Peter knew trouble was brewing.

—

"No, No I am not doing this," Peter vigorously shook his head, talking to this earpiece attached to his ear, where he could communicate with Tony and a specific mischievous god who overheard their little 'conversation' in the kitchen island when he sought some Swedish Fish He wore a slick black suit and tie, personally tailored by Loki, who took an interest at the 'spiderling's love life.'

There was a prayer to Freya, norse goddess of love, sewn on the cuffs in gold and tints of red, for good luck.

"Small Spiderling," Loki comforted, his silky smooth voice instantly calming Peter, "I have seen you with Lady Y/N. It is no secret that you have feelings for her, she is an impressively kind and considerate woman."

"I mean, loads of other guys like her too, y'know," Peter whispered into the bug.

"Trust me," Loki smirked, "I have my ways of guessing. 99.999% I'm right!" "If you aren't- I swear I'm gonna chop your horns off, Reindeer Games," Scowled Tony.

Peter took a deep breath, standing at your door, holding a bouquet of your favourite flowers. "Kid, you did this before. Why can't ya do it now?" Tony asked through the earpiece.

"Because I wasn't confessing my eternal love for her that time!" Peter grumbled. He nervously knocked on the door, waiting for someone to answer.

You swung it open, and were delighted at the sight of him. "Peter!" You said, gesturing him to come in. "I didn't know you were coming tonight!"

He flushed and handed the flowers over to you, "These- These are uh- for err.. for you," Peter stumbled on his words.

You twinkled, taking them from his hand. "These are wonderful, Petey!" You sniffed them, taking in the smell blissfully. "But.. What's the occasion?" you asked obliviously. Tony facepalmed from his end.

"Oh," He started, "I just, uh, wanted to tell you something for a, errr, long time."

You didn't hear him, and instead went inside to keep the flowers in water.

Tony groaned at your sickly sweetness. "Just do it already, spandex-man!"

Peter sat at the edge of your sofa, regretting listening to the two men. He just couldn't have been just friends. Hell, this could ruin your friendship!

He would rather be a platonic interest in your life than not even be in your life. He was sure you'd hate him if he said the dreading three words. How was a girl like you supposed to like a boy like him?

"How?" He murmured. You had your back turned to put the flowers in a pot.

"Just slide over with a seductive smile and confess. Who knows, you might even get laid today!"

"MISTER STARKKKKK!" Peter gasped. You turned around on your heel and furrowed your eyebrows.

"Is anything wrong, Petey?" You inquired. "N-nope!" his heart warmed at the affectionate nickname. The poor boy couldn't help but be a flustered mess. "Oooookaayyyyy" You said, giggling, and facing the other way.

Peter straightened his suit and fixed his tie, walking towards you. 'It was now or never' Loki stated.

"Petey?" You asked, at the sudden stance of him towering over you. You set the vase aside and focused on him. His impeccable jawline looked so sharp and dashing, that you almost forgot about the bumbling boy who you talked to all the time.

The room was getting a bit heated, and you just noticed this was the first time you saw him in a suit. No, not a superhero suit, but a proper tuxedo. "I have to tell you a secret," He started.

"And what is that?" You flaunted, crossing your arms and raising an eyebrow. "Do as we practiced," Loki demanded. Peter scrunched his nose and bent lower, looking you straight in the eye. You stood still, afraid to move a muscle. Was this charming boy, your Peter?

"You do know I'm the best secret keeper to ever exist. right?" You nervously bantered, a smile tugging at the edge of your face. "Promise not to tell anyone," He said breathily, his face meeting yours. You leant toward him, taking in the essence of his cologne. "I won't, promise," You whispered, dead serious. From across the line, Loki and Tony smirked deviously.

"You swear?" "I swear," "You really aren't going to tell anyone?" "Not a soul," "Not even your best friends, MJ or Betty?" "Just tell me already, you idiot!" You huffed.

Peter tilted his head and put and finger to your chin, raising it to meet his eyes. You stuck your tongue out playfully, rolling your eyes. Peter broke out from his sudden seriousness and laughed. You couldn't help but join in.

"Dude, what was that?" You wheezed incredulously.

"I'm sorry!" He cringed. He couldn't stop letting out loose laughter. Tony guffawed loudly from his end. Loki facepalmed at how badly his plan went.

The sight of you snickering hysterically, the light of the sun from the windows hitting you in such a way, that you looked ethereal, made his heart soar.

"I love you so much," Peter breathed out giddily. You paused, looking at him in awe.

"Petey," You mumbled in a small voice, "Did you just say you... you loved me?" "Uhhh-" Peter's face was beet red. He stammered gibberish and avoided your eye contact, when you pulled him toward you by the collar. You kissed him tenderly, and he felt extremely ambiguous from it. Your lips crashed against each other, locking into his. His entire body buzzed from the unexpected smooch. His cheeks were burning up, and his lungs clenched. You ran your fingers through his hair, messing it up. He rested a hand on your hip, pulling you against him. You wrapped your arms around his neck and grinned eagerly through the kiss. You broke free and saw his stunned expression, and let out a loose chuckle. He caressed your face gingerly.

"Took you long enough," a snarky remark escaped you. Loki and Tony smiled knowingly, realising what the long silence meant. "I love you too."

"You don't know how relieved I am to hear an oblivious idiot like you say that,"

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #mcu! peter fluff

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damianbugs · 2 years

Note

hi <3 since ive already obsessively reread your works i dont know how many times i think it's time for me to branch out and find some other batfam stuff too (im still a loyal reader tho dw bestie) i was wondering if you had any batfam authors you personally love and / or are inspired by! or maybe your top 5 batfam fics? if you don't mind sharing it ofc! thank u have a swag day and thank u for putting out such amazing amazing work into the world that offers me (personally) so much comfort :)

hello !! thank you so much for reading my works and i hope you will continue to enjoy them <3 i am so glad they bring you as much comfort reading as they do for me when writing !! and YES OF COURSE there is simply nothing i love more than recommending batfam fics that have me going absolutely crazy insane.

i previously did a top 5 batfam fic recs, and so here are my, uh, other top 5 batfam fics? everything is at the top of my list at this point.

+ these are in no particular order !!

MY TOP 5 BATFAM FICS (AGAIN) ON AO3 !

Cold Hard Want by AudreyCritter

“Are you happy?”

“I...I’m getting there.”

A follow-up to DC Rebirth Batman #35, in which Bruce recovers from being stabbed in the back and Damian considers the elusive nature of happiness.

MY NOTES: i might have read this fic a dozen times and everytime i do i am always so amazed by it. i have a soft spot for fics that move alongside actual comic canon, and so this was a lovely follow up to that original story (though you do not need to be familiar with it to enjoy this fic). damian is such a complicated character but at the end of the day, he is a child — and i think this handled his tumultuous relationship with bruce, dick and selina(!!) really well.

White Christmas by LemonadeGarden

Jason's been in the manor for a few months now. Bruce is a pretty cool guy, sure, but he's not exactly sure what to expect from him.

And then they go to Siberia in the winter on a case. It goes horribly wrong, and then pretty well.

MY NOTES: personally i think it is always the perfect time of year for a christmas fic that isn't actually about christmas. now, not only do all the best tropes meet in this fic (cuddling for warmth, sick fic, comfort after nightmares - to name a few) BUT this is also about robin jason todd. the little boy of all time. wonderful fic.

all the other rooms are a party tonight (and you never got an invitation) by irnan

(You will need an ao3 account to access this fic)!

The major difference between Gotham before Bruce left to set up Batman, Inc and Gotham after he comes back is that his children are grown-ups. Well, except for Damian.

Still, four out of five's an overwhelming majority.

MY NOTES: there is something so healing about this fic. bruce is rather pathetic (said fondly) in the way troubled middle aged men become when they finally realise their life is only in consequence of the people who exist around them. the dynamic between cass and bruce and dick and bruce in this is one of my favourites. the latter is very carefully weaved into the entire story, even when pertaining the other characters. a great take on bruce!

Have I Told You About Minnie? by Hinn_Raven

After you’ve known Matches Malone long enough, you get used to him telling you about his kids. Not that his kids know about it.

MY NOTES: oh this is such a fun one!! stephanie and bruce is such a wonderful dynamic and something about bruce creating an entirely new persona as a subconscious excuse to gloat about his children is just too funny. really sweet!

i want you to remember me by zxrysky

Bruce really needs to get rid of his saviour complex. Not all of them are the same as that poor boy who had to watch his parents get murdered in a dark alleyway; not all of them need to be saved.

Jason is perfectly fine where he is. Some capital would be great, but otherwise, he’s fine. He’s fine.

He doesn’t need to be saved again.

“No thanks,” Jason mutters, and pushes the papers away.

MY NOTES: this one hits you when you least expect it. it is so funny, so sweet and it hurts. jason todd you are so ridiculously complicated and tragic. also my favourite kind of time travel, kind-of-time-travel! little jason receives all of older jason's memories and his meeting with bruce and journey to robin is different, but some things are just destiny i suppose. so lovely.

as for inspirations or favourite authors, i have to say it might just be everyone i have ever read a fic from so i can not pick out anyone right now. the writers featured on this list are also phenomenal and some have written other amazing and loved batfam fics you should definitely check out!

hope you enjoy these anon and thank you again <3

#bruce wayne #jason todd #stephanie brown #robin jason todd #time travel #damian wayne #dick grayson #batman and robin #batfamily fic recs #saki batfam fic recs #hey guys unrelated news #but i think i have finally figured out how to format on tumblr #hope this is not horrendous to look at

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mochiwrites · 9 months

Note

SO MUCH MAGIC!! i love it its so cool i wish i had access to mumbo's library just so i could learn more AHHHHHHH

grian using glyphs to fight is gonna be so cool!! there was a point in time where i was super obsessed with the moral instruments book series by cassandra clare (if you know it) and it made me fall in LOVE with the concept of magical symbols, so this is extremely exciting EEEEEEEE

also SCAR'S MAGIC! we got an explanation of what he used to kill those hunters in the last one that's so COOL

“Taurtis could still be alive.”

I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT my boy's coming back I JUST KNOW IT EEEEEEE

oh god unless he turned evil or something. or scott finds him and uses him somehow. what if grian has to kill him. oh goodness.

NAHHHHHH IM SURE EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE:D

“You chose to do something kind with it,” he says, “twice, if you count just now. You guys really focus too much on the black and white.”

THIS!!!! grian i love you so much omg HES SO RIGHT!! kinda.. i mean.... scar's kinda stabbing him and mumbo in the back..... but he still has a point!!! people tend to compartmentalize things into bad and good way too easily, but nothing's ever that simple! the boys need to give themselves some credit

“Not that I’d complain, Mumbo’s a lovely companion to eat with.” He smiles charmingly at the vampire, who seems to flush under Scar’s sudden gaze.

theyre so cute i love them

(None of them knew that this would be the last happy moment they would have for a long while.)

WHAT DO YOU MEAN???? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?????? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?? WHAT DO YOU MEAN? NUH UH!! NUH UH!!!!! THIS IS THE END OF THE STORY THEY LIVED HAPPY EVER AFTER THE END!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN😭😭😭😭😭😭

“Scar speaking! How can I help you, Scott?”

you can help by HANGING UP THE PHONE AND PICKING UP TUBBO AND GRIAN AND MUMBO AND PEARL AND BOOKING IT TO THE NEAREST REDSTONE BACKWARDS-FLYING JET TO FUCKALL, ANTARCTICA SO SCOTT CANT FIND YOU

im so scared. it feels like something big's coming and it'll be terrible for our boys.

EHEHEHEHE TYYYYY :D

I’m excited about grian using glyphs and getting his hands on a Real form of magic that he can use and MMMMMM. I do know of that series though! I very much enjoy the concept of magic symbols

and SCAR’S MAGIC AUGHHHH. I’ve been holding onto that for months. I’m really excited to have finally written it out in a fic !!!! I love the reaper’s eye concept soso much, and it’s a perfect way to say that taurtis is still alive :3c

I really love grian being almost like. “the voice of reason” when scar and mumbo lean too much into monster vs human. because it’s more nuanced than that. people are more complex than that

as for everything else…. hehehehehe :)

I’m sure it’ll all be fine

#mochi speaks #songbird asks

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babes4pdd · 10 months

Text

Please Don't Destroy: The Treasure of Foggy Mountain Headcanons

A/N: Hi guys! This is my first time like ever writing fanfic + posting it so my apologies if there's any formatting errors. Anyways I just rewatched this and I wanted to write something about it because I Love it LOL. I hope you Enjoy!

P.S. There is both SFW and NSFW content in here so only read if you're 18+!!!!!

Ben Marshall

Very ambitious and work driven, eager to impress his father

Similarly he is very eager to please YOU always, sometimes he gets caught up with work but after that his first priority is always you <3

He always trys to act like he isn’t silly, but you always manage to wear him down

Outside of Jawn and Martin mostly people see him as v work obsessed and serious

So when you finally get to know this side of him you’re like shook because you never would have guessed

That Ben Marshall is so fun and goofy

His chest and shoulders are covered in freckles

He is such a terrible cook he burns everything

Loooves folding laundry with his big headphones on... like that boy loves a repetitive task

Refuses to smoke weed with you and Jawn and Martin but once a month after like...four Trulys he will hit your cart wayyy too hard and cough so hard you guys have to bring him outside and rub his back

He always smells so good, like clean grass and Irish spring soap

Leaves guy time constantly to hang out w you

Campfire guy

NSFW

Little to no experience LOL

Came in his pants the first time you two made out

His fave is missionary because he needs to be able to see your face

Praise kink to the maxxxxx

Loooooves overstim lol

Def into spit, loves when when your saliva is in/on him

Also has a thing for hickies, loves when you two stumble somewhere together, arms around each other’s waists, cheeks burning red and necks covered in bruises

Loves to eat pussy, but def neeeds more practice, like obv he was a total virgin when you too met

But still loves to at least attempt to please you, super overeager

Begs for it

Rly wants to cum inside of you

Likes being called Daddy on occasion

Martin Herlihy

Pretentious boyfriend to the max

Vinyl guy

Loves getting white girl wasted

Loves to dance when he’s drunk

Very clingy in the mornings

Like mansplains everything to you

Super overprotective and jealous

Hand on your lower back as you guys walk around together

When/if you get flirted with in public he gets so angry and possessive and he gets weird

Likes when you wear his clothes

Nsfw

Brings up you being flirted with by strangers during sex

Gets his jealousy out by sex

Loooooves getting oral, but will also give

Loves lingerie

Wants to shotgun vape smoke into your mouth

Likes hair pulling

Likes you being on top of him

Likes manhandling you

Will spit in your mouth

Likes to roleplay

Sometimes Lawrence comes out during sex

Always wants to be called daddy

Cums on your face!

If you wear glasses he's Begging to cum on them

Total ass guy

Sex playlist

Likes to degrade (not good at it)

1 and done for sex, if he cums first he’ll eat you out till you cum and then be like “Im sleepy 😊 )

Gets drunk and horny

John Higgins

Loves date nights in

Takeout and movie

Loves to cuddle

Little spoon

Is a good cook

Loves wine and gossip

Is a sassy man

Is constantly texting you/sending you tiktoks

Takes tons of candid pictures of you

500+ day snap streak

Is really whiny and clingy, especially in the morning

Likes his head being scratched

Likes showering with you and you washing his hair

Is a human furnace, always so hot

Passenger princess

Loves getting you little trinkets and treats

Loves to kiss your head

NSFW

Submissive most of the time

Occasionally dominant

Boob/thigh guy

Likes to be degraded

Gives tons of praise

Loud, whiny

Begging

Likes to be bossed around

Gets pegged occasionally

Loves it

Gets sooo needy when he’s high

Hairy

Always smells a bit too good

Cannot have sex while watching something, he gets too focused and has to pause it

Incorporate sex toys

Also into overstimulation

Likes the way of masturbating to a person, like sending you videos of him jerking off

Obsessed with boobs the way a 13 year old boy is

The best collected afterwards, the king of aftercare

Calls you mommy

Likes to be degraded but simultaneously needs to be affirmed

#please dont destroy #fanfic #please dont destroy fanfic #ben marshall #martin herlihy #x reader #john higgins #ben marshall x reader #john higgins x reader #martin herlihy x reader #ben marshall smut #john higgins smut #martin herlihy smut #please dont destroy smut #please dont destroy x reader #snl #snl fanfic #snl fanfiction #saturday night live fanfic

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cometcrystal · 1 year

Text

fav lyrics in each taylor swift song

I have autism and got a whim so here you go.

Self titled

Tim mcgraw - September saw a month of tears / And thankin' God that you weren't here / To see me like that

Picture to burn - So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy / That's fine, I'll tell mine you're gay

Teardrops on my guitar - She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love / Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky

A place in this world - I don't know what I want, so don't ask me

Cold as you - You never did give a damn thing, honey, but I cried, cried for you / And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you

The outside - You could've helped if you had wanted to

Tied together with a smile - Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change / Hoping it will end up in his pocket / But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain

Stay beautiful - Cory's eyes are like a jungle / He smiles, it's like the radio

Shouldve said no - It's strange to think the songs we used to sing / The smiles, the flowers, everything is gone

Marys song - I was seven and you were nine / I looked at you like the stars that shined

Our song - I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car / He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on my heart (literally one of the most iconic taytay lyrics of all time imo)

Im only me when im with you - Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

Invisible - She can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile

A perfectly good heart - Why would you wanna make the very first scar?

Lucky you - Her mama named her Lucky on a starlit night

Fearless - And I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress

Fearless

Fifteen - In your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team

Love story - So, I sneak out to the garden to see you / We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew

Hey stephen - I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose / All those other girls - well, they're beautiful / But would they write a song for you?

White horse - My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand

You belong with me - And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town / I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down

Breathe - You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

Tell me why - You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day

You're not sorry - And you've got your share of secrets / And I'm tired of being last to know

The way i loved you - And my heart's not breaking / 'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all

Forever and always - I hold onto the night you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me / Were you just kidding?

The best day - I don't know who I'm going to talk to now at school / But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you

Change - They might be bigger / But we're faster and never scared

Jump then fall - We're on the phone and without a warning / I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard

Untouchable - In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream / It's like a million little stars spelling out your name

Come in with the rain - Talk to the wind, talk to the sky / Talk to the man with the reasons why

Superstar - And I knew from the first note played / I'd be breaking all my rules to see you

The other side of the door - I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you / To stand outside my window throwing pebbles / Screaming, "I'm in love with you"

Today was a fairytale - Today was a fairytale / I wore a dress / You wore a dark grey t-shirt / You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess

You all over me - The best and worst day of June / Was the one that I met you / With your hands in your pockets / And your "Don't you wish you had me?" grin

Mr. Perfectly fine - And I never got past what you put me through / But it's wonderful to see that it never fazed you

We were happy - Oh, I hate those voices telling me I'm not in love anymore

That's when - gonna keep it real with u chief i dont have a favorite from this one bc i listened to it 1nce ever and the azlyrics arent standing out to me.

Don't you - Don't you say you've missed me if you don't want me again

Bye bye baby - Guess I never doubted it / Then the here and the now floods in

Speak now

Mine - You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

Sparks fly - Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around

Back to december - It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Speak now - The organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march

Dear john - Wonderin' which version of you I might get on the phone tonight / Well, I stopped pickin' up, and this song is to let you know why

Mean - And I can see you years from now in a bar / Talking over a football game / With that same big loud opinion / But nobody's listening

The story of us - This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less / But I liked it better when you were on my side

Never grow up - Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Enchanted - Please don't be in love with someone else / Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Better than revenge - joshua rtvs voice this song sucks start over

Innocent - 32 is still growing up

Haunted - Something keeps me holding on to nothing

Last kiss - How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something / There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions

Long live - If you have children some day / When they point to the pictures / Please tell them my name

Ours - People throw rocks at things that shine

If this was a movie - Locked up in your arms and our friends are laughing / 'Cause nothing like this ever happened to them

Superman - I always forget to tell you I love you, I loved you from the very first day

Electric touch - And maybe I call you mine / And you won't need space / Or string me along while you decide

When emma falls in love - Like if Cleopatra grew up in a small town

I can see you - i dont care

Castles crumbling - Ones I loved tried to help, so I ran them off

Foolish one - Don't know what to call this situation / But I know I can't call you mine

Timeless - In the fifteen hundreds off in a foreign land / And I was forced to marry another man / You still would've been mine

Red

State of grace - So you were never a saint / And I've loved in shades of wrong / We learn to live with the pain / Mosaic broken hearts

Red - Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met

Treacherous - Put your lips close to mine / As long as they don't touch

I knew you were trouble - Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why / You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning

All too well - You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine / And that made me want to die / The idea you had of me, who was she? / A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you

22 - It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters / And make fun of our exes

I almost do - I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you / And risk another goodbye

We are never ever getting back together - I'm really gonna miss you picking fights / And me falling for it screaming that I'm right

Stay stay stay - It's been occurring to me I'd like to hang out with you for my whole life

The last time - You wear your best apology / But I was there to watch you leave

Holy ground - Tonight I'm gonna dance for all that we've been through / But I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you

Sad beautiful tragic - And time is taking its sweet time erasing you

The lucky one - And your lover in the foyer doesn't even know you / And your secrets end up splashed on the news front page

Everything had changed - Cause all I know is we said, "Hello" / And your eyes look like coming home

Starlight - Can't remember what song it was playing when we walked in / The night we snuck into a yacht club party / Pretending to be a duchess and a prince

Begin again - I almost brought him up / But you start to talk about the movies that your family watches every single Christmas

The moment i knew - What do you say when tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone you know?

Come back be here - Taxi cabs and busy streets / That never bring you back to me

Girl at home - You're the kind of man who makes me sad / While she waits up

Ronan - You were my best four years

Better man - Push my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun

Nothing new - Shoot you down and then they sigh / And say, "She looks like she's been through it"

Babe - I hate that because of you, I can't love you, babe

Message in a bottle - I'm reaching for you, terrified

I bet you think about me - I was raised on a farm, no, it wasn't a mansion / Just livin' room dancin' and kitchen table bills (this is my fav lyric from this song because its so categorically fucking FALSE)

Forever winter - If I was standing there in your apartment / I'd take that bomb in your head and disarm it

Run - There's a heart on your sleeve / I'll take it when I leave / And hold it for you

The very first night - Not trying to fall in love / But we did like children running

1989

Welcome to new york - Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats

Blank space - I get drunk on jealousy

Style - You got that long hair, slicked back, white t-shirt / And I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt

Out of the woods - The rest of the world was black and white / But we were in screaming color

All you had to do was stay - People like you always want back the love they gave away / And people like me wanna believe you when you say you've changed

Shake it off - Can't stop, won't stop grooving / It's like I got this music in my mind / Saying, "It's gonna be alright"

I wish you would - You always knew how to push my buttons / You give me everything and nothing

Bad blood - Band-aids don't fix bullet holes

Wildest dreams - You'll see me in hindsight / Tangled up with you all night / Burnin' it down

How you get the girl - Shaking from the rain, rain /She'll open up the door and say, "Are you insane?"

This love - And I could go on and on, on and on and I will

I know places - Loose lips sink ships all the damn time / Not this time

Clean - The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud / But no one heard a thing

Wonderland - Didn't you flash your green eyes at me? / Didn't you calm my fears with a Cheshire cat smile?

You are in love - And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars

New romantics - The rumors are terrible and cruel / But, honey, most of them are true

Reputation

Ready for it - Every love I've known in comparison is a failure

End game - And I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em

I did something bad - I never trust a playboy, but they love me / So I fly 'em all around the world / And I let them think they saved me

Dont blame me - My name is whatever you decide

Delicate - Do the girls back home touch you like I do?

Look what you made me do - You asked me for a place to sleep / Locked me out and threw a feast

So it goes - You did a number on me / But, honestly, baby, who's counting

Gorgeous - You should take it as a compliment / That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk

Getaway car - I'm in a getaway car / I left you in a motel bar / Put the money in a bag and I stole the keys / That was the last time you ever saw me

King of my heart - Is this the end of all the endings? / My broken bones are mending

Dancing with our hands tied - I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

Dress - My hands are shaking from holding back from you

This is why we cant have nice things - And here's to my baby / He ain't reading what they call me lately

Call it what you want - He built a fire just to keep me warm

New years day - I want your midnights / But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

Lover

I forgot that you existed - I forgot that you existed / And I thought that it would kill me, but it didn't

Cruel summer - I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

Lover - Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? / With every guitar string scar on my hand / I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

The man - What's it like to brag about raking in dollars / And getting bitches and models?

The archer - 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends / Help me hold on to you

I think he knows - Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

Miss americana and the heartbreak prince - And I don't want you to (Go) / I don't really wanna (Fight) / 'Cause nobody's gonna (Win)

Paper rings - I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings

Cornelia street - And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name

Death by a thousand cuts - ENTIRE SONG !!!!!!!

London boy - You Can Find Me In The Pub We Are Watching Rugby

Soon you'll get better - And I hate to make this all about me / But who am I supposed to talk to?

False god - I know heaven's a thing / I go there when you touch me, honey / Hell is when I fight with you

You need to calm down - And I'm just like, "Damn It's 7 AM"

Afterglow - I lived like an island, punished you with silence

Me - HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN

Its nice to have a friend - Something gave you the nerve to touch my hand

Daylight - I once believed love would be burning red / But it's golden like daylight

Folklore

The 1 - In my defense, I have none / For never leaving well enough alone

Cardigan - You drew stars around my scars / But now I'm bleeding

The last great american dynasty - They say she was seen on occasion / Pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea / And in a feud with her neighbor / She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green

Exile - I can see you starin', honey / Like he's just your understudy / Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

My tears ricochet - And if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?

Mirrorball - I've never been a natural / All I do is try, try, try

Seven - And I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates / Then you won't have to cry

August - So much for summer love, and saying "Us" / 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

This is me trying - And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad / I have a lot of regrets about that

Illicit affairs - Don't call me "kid", don't call me "baby" / Look at this idiotic fool that you made me / You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

Invisible string - Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart / Now I send their babies presents

Mad woman - i dont care

Epiphany - Something med school did not cover / Someone's daughter, someone's mother / Holds your hand through plastic now

Betty - Betty, right now is the last time I can dream about what happens when you see my face again

Peace - All these people think love's for show / But I would die for you in secret

Hoax - Don't want no other shade of blue but you / No other sadness in the world would do

The lakes - Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry / I'm setting off, but not without my muse

Evermore

Willow - I'm like the water when your ship rolled in that night / Rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife

Champagne problems - Sometimes you just don't know the answer / 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

Gold rush - I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch

Tis the damn season - If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would've asked you

Tolerate it - I made you my temple, my mural, my sky / Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life

No body no crime - She says, "That ain't my Merlot on his mouth / That ain't my jewelry on our joint account"

Happiness - No one teaches you what to do / When a good man hurts you / And you know you hurt him, too

Dorothea - And if you're ever tired of being known for who you know / You know that you'll always know me

Coney island - If I can't relate to you anymore / Then who am I related to?

Ivy - I'd live and die for moments that we stole / On begged and borrowed time / So tell me to run / Or dare to sit and watch what we'll become / And drink my husband's wine

Cowboy like me - And the skeletons in both our closets / Plotted hard to fuck this up

Long story short - Pushed from the precipice / Clung to the nearest lips / Long story short, it was the wrong guy

Marjorie - Should've kept every grocery store receipt / 'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

Closure - Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled

Evermore - I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone / Trying to find the one where I went wrong

Right where you left me - Glass shattered on the white cloth / Everybody moved on

Its time to go - He's got my past frozen behind glass / But I've got me

Midnights

Lavender haze - I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

Maroon - Laughing with my feet in your lap / Like you were my closest friend

Anti hero - I'm a monster on the hill / Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city / Pierced through the heart, but never killed

Snow on the beach - But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet

Youre on your own kid - I picked the petals, he loves me not / Something different bloomed / Writing in my room

Midnight rain - And he never thinks of me / Except when I'm on TV

Question - gonna keep it real i straight up dont get this song

Vigilante shit - Picture me thick as thieves with your ex-wife

Bejeweled - I made you my world / Have you heard? / I can reclaim the land / And I miss you / But I miss sparkling

Labyrinth - I'll be getting over you my whole life

Karma - Karma is a cat / Purring in my lap 'cause it loves me / Flexing like a goddamn acrobat / Me and karma vibe like that

Sweet nothing - All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

Mastermind - No one wanted to play with me as a little kid / So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since / To make them love me and make it seem effortless

Hits different - I pictured you with other girls in love / Then threw up on the street

The great war - Soldier down on that icy ground / Looked up at me with honor and truth / Broken and blue / So I called off the troops / That was the night I nearly lost you

Bigger than the whole sky - Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia? / Did some force take you because I didn't pray?

Paris - I wanna brainwash you into loving me forever

High infidelity - Do you really want to know where I was April 29th? / Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

Glitch - Maybe I'll see you out some weekend / Depending on what kind of mood and situation-ship I'm in / And what's in my system

Would've could've should've - THE ENTIRE THING !!!!!!!!!

Dear reader - No one sees when you lose when you're playing solitaire

Youre losing me - And I wouldn't marry me either / A pathological people pleaser / Who only wanted you to see her

Thats all the songs i can think of. My hands are shaking

#ts #taylor swift

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crowning-art · 2 years

Text

TGCF SPOILERS

------------------------------------

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IS THIS A JOKE!!!?! I"M REALLY OUT HERE UGLY CRYING OVER A BAMBOO HAT???!!!

I ThoUGHT ALL THE EMOTIONAL PARTS WERE DONE!!!! DOWNFWJNWNFLWFNLW

Damn, this part wjnwkjfnwlfn, I think this paragraph speaks for itself

“You aren’t the God of Misfortune, but they would rather believe that you are, unwilling to believe you aren’t,” White No-Face said. “Once upon a time, you defied the heavens and created rain for Yong'an, yet now they won’t even donate a cup of water to you. To pierce you with a hundred swords might have been done out of desperation, but now, they’re not even willing to do something simple like helping you pull out a sword; they all found the task too difficult.

I know I already put my reaction up there for this scene but it deserves a second reaction:

The rain seemed to have stopped.

No.

The rain didn’t stop. It was something that was placed over his head, helping him block off that pouring rain!

Xie Lian whipped his head up to look, and saw someone crouched before him, pressing that bamboo hat that was on his own head on Xie Lian’s head.

…It was that man who was just cussing loudly at him!

IT WAS AN ACTION OF ONE SMALL INSIGNIFICANT MAN, ONE WHOSE NAME WE WILL NEVER KNOW AND HE DID AN ACT THAT WILL BE REMEMBERED FOR CENTURIES T-T IT WAS THE ACT OF A MAN WHO CHOSE TO PUT ASIDE DIFFERENCES TO HELP A FELLOW PERSON! IT WAS THE ACT OF GIVING UP YOUR OWN PERSONAL COMFORT TO PROVIDE COMFORT TO SOMEONE ELSE! IT WAS SUCH A FORGETTABLE ACT THAT SAVED MILLIONS OF LIVES NOT JUST NOW, BUT IN THE FUTURE! IT WAS SO SMALL YET SO LARGE THAT NO ONE PERSON COULD CONTAIN THE MAGNANIMITY OF THIS ACT I CANT IM ACC CRYING FROM THIS I CANT FONWOFINOQFNOEF

IT TOOK JUST ONE PERSON TO BRING HIM BACK! ONE PERSON OH M GOD I CaNt I cant my heart is so overwhelmed rn It's like suddenly the initial stabbing scene doesn't matter anymore, yknow?! There is still kindness left in this cruel ugly world, it's like no matter how harsh the land, there will always be a small white flower growing even when there is no water or light I CANT WJNWJNCWLNCLKW

“I SAID FUCK YOU!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, TO DARE TALK TO ME LIKE THIS?? I AM THE CROWN PRINCE!!!”

Upon his face, two lines of tears were already streaming down from his eyes.

One person. Just one.

Really.

Just one person was enough!

INCOHERET SCREAMING

Under the rain, Xie Lian was holding that sword up, and he said darkly, “As long as you use this sword to pierce me, you won’t be affected by the Human Face Disease.”

I. AM. LOSING. MY. MIND

'MY DREAM IS TO SAVE THE COMMON PEOPLE' IWBIWUBCC HE DIDN'T FORGET HIS DREAM I AM FULL ON SOBBING OFHWHFWIHFWHFW

Xie Lian had his back turned to him. “If a day isn’t enough, then let it take a month; if a month won’t do then two months, three months! If I can’t save ten thousand, then I’ll save a thousand; if I can’t save a thousand then I’ll save a hundred, TEN, EVEN IF IT’S ONLY ONE!!!”

AND IT IS THE SAME PEOPLE SHOWING HIM KINDESS SNJSSJSJ OH MY GOOOOODDD

Xie Lian didn’t receive the excruciating pain he anticipated, but instead there was a loud and clear, “YOU CAN’T!!”

“…”

He whipped his head over to look. The one who knocked that black sword down was actually that little water merchant!

Ok I am obsessed with this random old woman lol

The wife of that little merchant kept elbowing him, but when she heard that she instantly exploded, yelling with her face red, “MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT, WHO’S SHORTCHANGING?? COME THE HELL OUT AND SAY THIS TO MY FACE!”

ahh so he chose banishment of his own will the second time. I dunno why baby boi was so ashamed of his shackles. He should have worn them with pride. Honestly, knowing how they came about, I don't think any crown he could ever wear would be compared to the beauty of these shackles T-T

Also it's super cute how he's helping build Mu Qing and Feng xin's temples, like an act of paying them back all they did in the past. And also love how he's trying to get their followers to get along (foreshadowing him matchmaking them in the future mayhaps?)

My heart cracked a little (not that it wasn't already cracked enough lol)

Jun Wu looked at him intently, and after a long while, he said, “Xianle has grown up.” This should’ve been something Xie Lian heard from his elders. Unfortunately, his father and mother had no more chances to say it.

wait Jun Wu killed White-No face in FRONT of Xie Lian....what in the heck is going on?!?!?!?! I am the edge of my seat!!

THE WHOLE HUA CHENG SCENE WHAT THE HELL I CANT IT"S LIKE CAN THESE TWO CALM DOWN!!!!! IF YOUR DREAM IS TO SAVE THE COMMON PEOPLE MY DREAM IS ONLY YOU AND HE LIVED UP TO IT I WILL CRY I CAN'T PLZ COME BACK HUA CHENG I AM BROKEN BEYOND WORDS

He said to it, “I hope we shall meet again.”

Even after he had gone into the distance, that tiny, little red flower was still dancing in the wind.

The white flower and the red flower T-T

IT WAS ALWAYS ONE PERSON THAT HE NEEDED TO BELIEVE IN HIM AS WELL AND THAT ONE PERSON AS BEEN WITH HIM ALL ALONG I AM CRYING BDUFJDJDJFJFJFJFJJDJFJFJFJ I CANT FJCJCJJVJFKFKD PLZ DJDJXJJDJDJD THEY ARE EVERYTHING TO ME

------------------

i did not expect the last 3 chapters to be so wild, but damn....book 4 was wild. I feel like a war veteran coming out of a long drawn out battle....that I finally won...after losing so many people. I am fundamentally changed as a human, god this was insane

....and there's still book 5 left (immense dread)

#tian guan ci fu #tgcf #xie lian #hua cheng #heaven’s official blessings #heaven's official blessings spoilers #tgcf spoilers #tgcf journey #ch 196-198 #what a wonderful end to a crazy chapter

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1d1195 · 7 months

Note

I feel like it has gone by quickly?? But at the same time THE CONCEPT OF TIME IS SO WEIRD TO ME I SERIOUSLY DONT KNOW ANYMORE LOL and Friday I was a bit busy :( it was a friends birthday so I out! But trust me I was ITCHING to pull up tumblr, read and talk to you! You know I love your book recs! And honestly that book sounds creepy! But you’re right I probably would end up reading it and liking it! Definitely added to my list! But I am surprised that you read it solely because you like “easy reads” , things that basically aren’t too stressful! Glad it wasn’t horrible though lol

I SERIOUSLY CANT LOOK THAT MAN IN THE EYES😭 when i turned in my exam to him my heart was beating out of my chest! And UGH IM A SUCKER FOR A HEIGHT DIFFERENCE LIKE MY BRAIN GOES CRAZY!! And idk he’s such a hot DILF lol and YES I DID SEE THOSE HARRY PICS AND I SWEAR I FELT LIKE DROPPING ON MY KNEES FOR THAT MAN😵‍💫😩 he looks so good it makes my head all fuzzy lol

Trust me I WAS CRAZY TOO!! All I wore were band t shirts and merch during my emo phase like I had no normal clothes or clothes that weren’t from hot topic bahaha and honestly I see why you were team Edward! I FINALLY saw the Twilight movies this past summer for the first time! I was never drawn to it when it was popular or the books BUTTTTT if I did have to chose I would have been team Edward lol there was no competition in the first place lol and yes I knew ALL the emo bands lore and stuff! Specifically twenty one pilots’s lore which is all lot lol but taht was like when i was 11 lol now i simply CANNOT due to lack of brain power lol

ANOTHER COUPLE MIGHT BE GETTING ENGAGED?! HELLO?! IM GONNA CRY FOR SURE!! And I’m sure part 4 will be great! You’re really great with coming with such detailed and unique! And you take such classic tropes and give your spin on it! I genuinely think you’re so talented Sam!

What’s crazy is that in my head I call you “ Samantha” when you literally do something crazy in your stories or like make me giddy?? Like “omg SAMANTHA!!!?” Idk if any of that made sense lol anyways Noah would have been cute! But Kyle is definitely more of a frat boy name lol and yeah I know about icebreaker never read it but I’ve definitely seen the girlies go crazy over it lol

My Kyle is literally so sweet! I met him at my schools IT services thing and he helped me out! Then I saw him again and he’s very nice!

And you know I love your long responses and I love you!!!-💜

HAHAHAHAHA I TALK TO MYSELF ALL THE TIME. I CONSTANTLY say “get it together Samantha.” That’s hilarious. I love that! If you’re inclined you gotta let me know which part/line in particular you do that for every once in a while 😭😂💕 please do not apologize for having friends and plans and being social. I’m glad you went out! That sounds like fun! My best friend and I are November birthdays so we celebrate the whole month of our births (our significant others LOVE it almost as much as we do, obviously).

The book was SO CREEPY. Stress level 12/10. So OBVIOUSLY I know the deeper meaning behind “don’t judge a book by its cover” but I’ve literally never picked up a book without judging its cover. Or at the very least the back cover. I’m pretty close with my sister so I often give books about sisters a thorough twice over. ALL THIS TO SAY I had no idea what it was going to be about when I picked it up hehehehe

Omg I could cry. Height difference, DILF, unable to look him in the eyes ughhhh I will also cry. I’m swooning just thinking about it 😭 I gotta write a professor/TA situation one of these days 😍😍😍

I don’t think I had an emo phase. A pseudo emo phase for sure. I never got into bands the way I was supposed to (but if I hear Fall For You I turn into a puddle). I’m obsessed with the image. I am spiraling at the idea you only saw Twilight last summer. I went to the midnight premieres I’m CRYING 😂

I have a lot of ideas in my head but they all boil down to happily ever after, marriage, 2.5 kids, and a white picket fence. I feel bad yall gotta keep reading the same story over and over 😂

Okay Kyle def is more of a frat name that was also what I thought when I switched it over. Noah was too cute I think hehehe maybe another story.

OBSESSED WITH YOUR KYLE MEET CUTE. CAN’T WAIT TO WRITE ABOUT IT 😍💕

Have a lovely start to your week bestie! 💕💕

Xoxo

P.s. Don’t read my update tomorrow if you’re having a good day lol I have been struggling with seasonal depression (I think it’s just regular depression actually at this point. But ya know) I am being dramatic honestly. Please don’t worry about me but regardless I’m probs going through an emo phase NOW hahahahahaha so it’s a little bit of a tear jerker imo

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spookfished · 1 year

Text

media roundup june 2023

hey guys guess who just went "oh its the 4th of july. that means that its july" here im going to talk about things i read/watched/played last month! i didnt read as much but did finish a couple books that ive had checked out Forever. ok actually i read a lot woops

books/comics/written media:

fake dates and mooncakes by sher lee: fake dating (obv) premise between a cooking boy and a rich heir! book that made me realized im honestly just not that interested in ya romance anymore LMFAO. pretty sweet and a decent read, but landed more heavily on the expository end of uhh i guess diaspora fiction? than i really prefer. i think i picked this up bc the author got mega cancelled on tyk twitter lol??

bird by bird by anne lammott: book about how to write. i love to read about how people do stuff :3 some of the advice applies pretty universally to creative efforts i think.. made me want to write more too

john dies at the end by jason pargin: DNF. comic/horror about this loser guy who discovers stuff. sigh i tried so hard to like this book its supposed to be pretty 'mecore'...talked about this with alena a bunch but its like hm... i know the sort of casual offensiveness sort of goes in hand with being poor and white and in the midwest and i appreciate how its like that creates its own doomed narrative or whatever. but also i feel like the protagonist would call me slurs or something. also the lowgrade but pervasive orientalism is kinda offputting. probably fun for some other guy! i did enjoy the horror elements though

the goldfinch by donna tartt: literary coming of age about a boys relationship with a painting (the goldfinch). also he flops a lot and its sort of homoerotic i guess? a movie was made of it. so something to note is that ive had this book out on loan since literally december. neil kept on being like hey man just stop reading it LMFAO. thoughts cp'ed from discord:

why does the goldfinch feel like a 600 page leadup to the actual book which is 800 pages

idk at this point im kinda sick of pathetic lovelorn self obsessed semi literary men. like toku men are also sopping and pathetic but i think its more appealing when they are also kind and can be vulnerable. this guy is just annoying and kind of incel coded. like does a grand gesture to make up for the fact that he killed your dog while dogsitting

i actually did enjoy the parts post timeskip but i still think the first two thirds could have been cut or Greatly compressed or interspersed w the present or Something, yk? prose was nice though

the bodyguard by katherine center: romance novel about a woman bodyguard who lives for her job. fresh from a breakup, shes given a new undercover assignment with a handsome actor, recently withdrawn from society. will they be able to break each others' shells....? my mom recommended this to me LMFAO we kind of have different tastes in romance.. ive read a book by this author before i think her platonic scenes are very strong? i wish there had been a couple more of those. also i like how she always includes a life affirming section at the end about how important it is for us to open ourselves up to love etc etc cute but not especially memorable

kiss quotient by helen hoang: (reread) a shy, autistic econometrician decides that she needs to get better at sex, and so hires an escort. helen hoang is one of my faavorite romance authors i really enjoyed this reread although i kinda forgot that both leads say, think and do some pretty embarrassing things. but you know a little embarrassment is endearing and all that.. i still prefer her other book (the bride test) but this one is pretty good too. vivid characters 👍

sisters of dorley hall by alyson greaves: web fiction - a trans woman infiltrates a secret force-feminization program. ok im just cp'ing my thoughts from discord again but i enjoyed it a lot:

my thoughts are that the first like, third? is really really good. it like idk takes the very real trans fears of like discovery and passing and all that and fictionalizes them a bit. but like its still grounded and swag. sooo tense once The Reveal happens n things w steph are pretty normal it gets kinda meandering? which i dont really mind bc i love interpersonal drama even if i miss how tense and scary it was. but also theres only like two major plot threads going on rn and theyre both pretty slowburn. a timeskip would probably benefit tbh like the point rn is kinda like. the 7 year meteor? yeah sorry

like it used to be sort of psychological thriller? and now its sort of more character focus and also surprisingly fluffy.. im surprised that the author has said they have a complete outline bc it doesnt feel very focused atm? but also like i suppose things are snowballing a bit re: revealing the sisters to the outside world

an unauthorized fan treatise by lauren james: a fangirl trying to prove her rpf ship is real uncovers a greater conspiracy. to me if something is able to capture a specific age/vibe from the internet its automatically pretty good. however more and more people are learning how to do that so maybe i should change my standards... i was never involved in All That re: rpf or even fandoms of live action shows until kamen rider? but like i definitely knew people in hs that were sort of like this LMFAO so it felt very familiar. i appreciate the author trying to make that $$ but i dont know if it really needs an expansion/sequel.. the ending is better off with some ambiguity imo

impossible us by sarah lotz: literary romance? a man and a woman fall in love online, but encounter difficulties when they try to meet. ok im just pasting my thoughts here again (spoilers btw):

ok that was a lot of stuff. onto movies/tv:

xo kitty: kitty goes to a school to connect with her online boyfriend, but all is not well. yall this was not good. i guess my standards shouldnt have been that high but to all the boys ive loved before was so cute!! (havent watched/read the others). but like.. the writing was bad and the main actress just wasnt very sympathetic or charming? characters waste time saying "i can explain" until time runs out for them to actually explain, additional (and nonsensical) romance plots are added for no reason, and the male lead isnt even that hot. sorry. also kitty deciding to move to korea to connect with her mom but not bothering to learn a speck of korean and insisting that everyone else speak to her in english really sucks honestly. not even my mom liked it so thats how you know its bad 👎

succession season 1: yesss succession. greg is my favorite cant wait to see him become evil. makes me stressed

shin kamen rider (hideaki anno): reboot of the first kamen rider by the guy who made evangelion. this guy kinda makes the same thing over and over but it looked sick as hell so i wasnt complaining. like stella obstinaterixatrix said, kinda more introspective or even insular to the point of kinda ignoring the usual kr theme of justice but it was still very fun :3 kinda want to watch the original now

ready player one (movie): my parents made me watch this movie. aggressively mediocre.

kamen rider revice and live and evil and demons: pretty fun if you have the disease that makes you think revice is good, but mostly made me miss revice. i think they should have gone more into the clone thing but i always think that so

kamen rider juuga vs kamen rider olteca: two-parter special for kr revice. i forgot what happened in this pretty much immediately after but karizaki was hot

roman holiday: a princess touring in rome escapes her duties for a day, and meets a dashing young reporter. classic romance!! i actually liked this so so much like it actually is very romantic and funny and like deserves the hype. didnt expect it to be in black and white even so audrey hepburn is really hot. (spoilers) more romances should have bittersweet endings though like it hit

kamen rider ryuki: a young man is inducted into a battle royale between those fighting for their deepest wishes, and decides to try and stop the rider battle once and for all. hey guys ryuki is so fucking good for those who have watched madoka magica a lot of it is very heavily based off of/inspired by ryuki! but ryuki does it better. pretty much The kamen rider has so much to say about justice and love and what it means to be a hero and sacrifice and *runs out of air and falls over* also it made me cry. if you ever try kamen rider try this one <3

EDIT OH i forgot about across the spiderverse 100/10 obviously groundbreaking in animation nice take on generational trauma and also like the nature of adaptation and being in a multimedia comics franchise and all that. really hope the sequel doesnt get crunched too bad. oh but copaganda not great 99/10

video games:

twisted wonderland: gacha game where random disney villains are bishie high schoolers instead. ill play chapter 3 sometime soon i swear. gameplay is terrible as with most gacha games but the characters are cute? i feel terrible guilt for being involved with a disney franchise. honestly pretty compelling character writing sometimes though sorry

apico: stardew-like about raising bees (in beta). sooooo cute and the devs obv care about bees a lot in real life. the gameplay loop + breeding systems are a little bit punishing right now though i really hope it gets adjusted. took over my life during finals (woops) and i got like half the bees and then burnt out. multiplayer is fun though!

legend of zelda tears of the kingdom: the next zelda game, now featuring building + vertical elements. yeah this took over my life for two months like it did for a bunch of other people i finished the main story a couple days ago! i might go back to do a couple more of the shrine puzzles, but other than that i think im done. LOVE the vertical elements and also all the little sidequests there are to do and how the world has changed since botw. dragons tears was really good and OMG PROVING GROUNDS. would be a 10/10 if zelda was the protag stop damseling her you guys cmon

paper mario origami king: newest paper mario game, which is a spinoff of the main series where theyre all paper (duh). im about halfway through this, i think? tried it out because of the dunkey video lol and also bc it was free at my library. very charming and inventive, has a really good soundtrack and really funny writing! i know the gameplay was controversial, but im enjoying it a lot (and theres a lot of room for error). might 100% it

it feels like this month i tried a lot of things that i didnt really like LMAO. also a lot of romance. im very happy about finally finishing the goldfinch! the only holdout on my libby is slaughterhouse 5 :P i did find some things that i really liked though! anyways this one feels a bit more scattered but if you got to the ending, congratulations! thanks for reading :3

#txt

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feelssogoodinmyarms · 10 months

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Spring Awakening Fandom Tag

(By @winter-asleepening )

Doing this bc i miss springy wakening😔

1. how were you introduced to the show?

when i was really into hamilton in like 2016 jonathan groff was white boy of the month for a while and i was consuming all the groff content that i could and i came across that video of him talking about when he fucked up left behind. and then i listened to left behind and cried and read the wiki page and watched the obc boot and then i woke up here

2. Seen a production live?

yus i've seen 3

3. Dream role/character you relate to most

i've been in love with wendla since i laid eyes on her and i would die to play her. im obsessed with her, she's got so much more depth than people realize and that was cut during the transition from play to musical fuck you s*ter and i would love to bring that to my rendition of her. and i was also assaulted when i was her age, i was also suicidal, i was also confused af and my mom was not helpful, i also wanted to be loved so badly, i just see a lot of my teenage self in wendla. i related to her so much when i first saw the show and that's a big reason i got so obsessed with it.

4. Favorite male character

prob moritz or hanschen. they are 2 sides of the same dramatic ass coin. they also have daddy issues and are gay like girl me too.

5. Favorite female character

all of them? wendla holds a special place in my heart but like. there is so much to love about all of them even anna and thea who we know almost nothing about have the building blocks of great characters. i've always loved combining what we know about the characters from both the musical and the play to make more complete characters especially because s*ter cut so much of the girls characterization bc he's a sexist pos fuck you and i def do that with anna and thea.

6. Deaf West Revival or Original Broadway Cast?

dwsa for life but obc walked so they could fly

7. Favorite song

AAAAAA probably touch me just cuz it's soooooo pretty

8. Least favorite song

probably woyb bc im heterophobic and melchiorphobic

9. Favorite quote/line

musical: "giving yourself over to someone else? defending yourself endlessly until finally you surrender and let heaven break over you? i just put myself in her place. and imagine"

play: "won't you come visit me in my dreams now and then? i'll welcome you with outstretched arms and kiss your breath away"

10. Favorite TV performance

dwsa touch me on seth meyers i have to watch it daily or i get 1 level of exhaustion

11. Favorite cast member(s)

i can vouch that kathryn gallagher is cool as fuck cuz i met her at a ben platt concert but j groff and jgj seem pretty cool. alex wyse and jbw seem unhinged i think i could hang with them. smf and katie whoever are so talented i wish she wasnt an anti vaxxer. andy mientus attacked me with a candelabra just like riff raff did to rocky😔

12. Favorite cast member moment

when josh castille followed me back on instagram when andy mientus, kathryn gallagher, and josh castille covered sex by the 1975 and all the videos the cast made on various social media platforms

13. Do you write fan fiction?

unfortunately

14. Do you make fan art?

i have made 3 fan arts that i don't think i have anymore

15. Do you cosplay?

i am too poor

16. Don’t do Sadness or Blue Wind?

both bitch

17. Word of your body or the Reprise?

reprise cuz i love gay ppl

18. Touch Me or My Junk?

bothhhhh

19. Explain the song of purple summer

vague hope ig? like "the adults have failed everyone but we're all 15 and will be adults soon so maybe we'll be ok" with flowery language

20. Explain the song of purple summer (wrong answers only)

ilse and mulchy took acid to see their dead friends

im tagging @dwsavideos and anyone else who sees this and is into spring awakening cuz idk if any of my sa mutuals are still active😭

#spring awakening #dwsa #deaf west spring awakening #fandom tag

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oh-wow-im-still-here · 1 year

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Tag Someone You Want To Know Better!

thank you soooo much for tagging me @violetdisasterzone !! <3

Favorite Color: any shade of purple, but lilac and lavender are favorites, pale pinks, mint green, and light blue! anything floral basically.

Last Song: don't really remember, but it was probably some sort of track from the chainsaw man soundtrack...

Last Movie: I rewatched Nope (2022) recently! one of my fave movies to come out in recent years. I like anything with some sort of spooky vibe and some interesting visuals.

Currently Watching: gosh, i'm in the middle of watching so many things. I'm almost done watching mob psycho 100 season 3 (very much enjoying it!), also watching the thousand autumns donghua as i wait for more volumes to get translated (shen qiao getting screwed over: the series), and im almost done with my yearly saiki k comfort rewatch (saiki my aroace icon <3), and i really need to start jjk season 2 when I find the time!

Currently Reading: ahhhhhhhh i have so many things I need to read on my shelf it's ridiculous! I did recently finish volume 1 of remnants of filth a couple days ago and my self control to hold off buying volume 2 is crumbling at an alarming rate. I have a bunch of batman comics waiting to be read and also that chainsaw man buddy stories spin off burning a hole on my table. eagerly awaiting husky and his white cat shizun volume 4 and the final heaven official's blessing volume and im being so brave about it (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-)

Currently Listening: anything by Joey Valance and Brae to feel like a person before I start my day. double jump is a favorite!

Currently Working On: ummm *hides my dusty fanfic wips and dnd campaign outline i haven't touched for months* not really working on anything really. same old same old.

Current Obsession: I live and breath svsss. I have thoroughly exhausted the tag on tumblr and ao3 and now I am in the middle of rereading the entire bingqiu tag on ao3... I do not have a problem!

I'm very hesitant to tag anyone because i don't want to be a bother, but uhhhhh @oh-no-boi and @zack-thebisexualtrashcan !! please feel free to participate if you are interested!! thank you <3333

#tag game #this was so fun!!!#me and exclamation points have a long lasting and dramatic relationship

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builtby-gvf · 1 year

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These Days -Prologue || Danny Wagner x OC

authors note ||

This is my very first public piece of writing of any kind and i’m really nervous to post it to be completely honest. It’s a short prologue introducing some of the main characters. I do have some of the first official chapter written so if you enjoy this, expect that by next week. I’m thinking Friday updates after this but we’ll see how that works out in the future haha.

This is obviously a work of complete fiction, and these are not accurate representations of the boys, just a little fantasy I came up with in my head. This is really just me dreaming out loud.

These Days is a Danny x OC fic, and will contain mature topics in the coming chapters so 18+ please, but I don’t think I have any warnings for this chapter so without further ado, please enjoy !

“Just like good sex!” Josh laughs into the microphone, and the crowd goes absolutely feral as Sammy starts playing the intro to The Barbarians

“Children with their-“ BEEP BEEP BEEP

It was just a dream, as usual.

“Tilly!” Jamie yells walking into my room, “Its 8:30 and we have to be at the marina by 9:30 to catch the ferry. Get the fuck up and get ready, your bags are already in the car.”

“Jamiiieeee” I groaned, getting out of bed, “I was at a Greta show and they were about to play Barbs”

“God they’re even in your dreams? You can dream all about those bland white men when we get to Bellmare. 3 months of blissful, drama free time on the Island.” I could have sworn I saw his eyes roll back into his head, we needed this trip. “Now come on and maybe if we don’t miss the 9:30 we can make it in time for breakfast at Farrah’s.”

“I could go for an omelet….“ I sighed “Ok, ok I’m up.”

Jamie and I have been going to The Island, a.k.a. Bellmare, CT every summer since I graduated high school 4 years ago, but this summer is the first time we’ve stayed for more them a few days. This time we spent the whole year putting together money to escape Crullfeld, Massachusetts and all that haunted us there. We found a cottage that allowed us to bring our pets a day earlier so we truly had nothing to call us back. It’s going to be a summer of rest and relaxation.

I stepped onto the cool tile of the bathroom floor with the outfit I picked out last night in hand. It’s a pair of black running shorts, black Birkenstocks, and a pink crew neck sweatshirt from some other cookie cutter New England beach town. Perfect for a travel day. After brushing my teeth, washing my face, and brushing my hair, I applied light makeup before putting on my outfit, grabbing my bag, and going to find Jamie.

“Cute. Ready to head out?” He asks, wearing a similar outfit, just with a yellow sweatshirt.

“As I’ll ever be.” I smiled, “Can I do the music on the way there?”

“I guess, but when we come back in September it’s Taylor the whole way back.” He sighs. He makes fun of me but he’s just as obsessed with Taylor as I am with Greta.

“It’s 10:30” I say as Jamie drives his car off the ferry, “If we book it across the island we can make it to Farrah’s in 10 leaving us 20 minutes for breakfast?”

“Matilda” he says in the most condescending snarky tone I’ve ever heard, and gives me a disapproving look “We aren’t showing up 20 minutes before close. We can grab food at the market, let’s get checked in.”

“Fine” I roll my eyes, sighing. “You don’t need to speak to me like I’m a child though. And Im sure Farrah wouldn’t mind.”

RANDY CLARKE - Bellmare Cottage

T: Hey Randy! We just got off the ferry, is it ok if we check in now?

RC: Sure kid. Keys in the lockbox where you left it last night, code is 8503.

T: Thanks a bunch!

“Ok I texted Randy, he said it’s all set.”

We brought most of our belongings and the cats there last night.

R: Oh and I know I told yous that that the other cottage wasn’t booked until late August, but the guys who booked it moved up the reservation to today. It’s just 4 guys from Nashville, they seem like they won’t be a bother.

T: That’s fine, thanks for letting us know! See you around?

R: Im sure you will, kid.

“He said there’s some guys from Nash staying in the other cottage starting today”

“Nashville? Isn’t that where your little band is from?”

“I’m sure it’s just some random guys.” I say as we pull into the driveway of our little cottage.

Randy’s property has 2 homes: a 5 bed 6 bath with a pool, home theatre, and basically anything else you could want. Officially called Clarke Manor, the locals tourists alike all referred to it as just “The Manor”. The second house, the one Jamie and I rented, “The Love Shack”, a.k.a. “The Shack” is a little 2 bed 2 bath cottage with no frills. Kinda meant for honeymooners?

Running in with my bags ahead of Jamie, I ran upstairs and claimed the master bedroom. It has a queen sized bed with fresh, fluffy white sheets, a dresser, a tv, a little couch across from the bed, and a small en suite bathroom. But the star of the show is the ocean view, the one thing, aside from the bathroom, that made this room special. So you know I just had to take it.

I hear a little pitter patter and see the cats run up next to me.

“Hi babies” I smile. Jamie had taken the ferry last night to bring most of our stuff, including our 3 cats, Delilah, Chip, and Alice, to The Shack “I missed you all last night”

“Jamie! Come say hi to the babies, they missed us.” I yelled down the stairs

“I saw them last night-“ he tries to argue, but quickly looses when Alice practically jumps into his arms “Hi pretty baby” he coos at her walking into the room.

“Morgan just texted me saying him and Summer are on their way with some food, it’s your lucky da-“ he begins to say, until he realizes I took the nice room. His is nice too, nearly identical to mine, just no bathroom and no ocean view. “Fine, you can have it, but in 45 days, we’re switching. Anyway, Farrah sent them with some food so we can push going to the market until tomorrow, if you want to.”

Morgan and Summer are Farrah’s kids, and they’re the same ages as Jamie & I, 24 and 22. They went to the same elementary school as us until Farrah decided to move to Bellmare full time the year before Summer and I went into 6th grade. Summer was my best friend and Jamie was Morgan’s, and when they moved, that’s when Jamie and I became the pair we are today.

“Your wait is over, the food is herreee” Morgan sang into the living room, not bothering to knock “Jammieee where art thou”

“Tilly!” Summer said bringing me into a hug as soon as I walked into the room, “it’s so good to see you!”

“I’ve missed you so much Summer!” I said, hugging her back.

“No hello for me?” Morgan says in a mock-offended voice. “I’m distraught, Tils.”

I smiled and gave him the biggest hug.

“Of course I have a hello for you.” I look over his shoulder to see Jamie leaned against the door frame “But I think there’s someone else waiting for their reunion”

“Jamie, my beloved” Morgan jokes and walks over to where he is stood, wrapping his arms around Jamie the best he could being far taller. “Oh how I’ve missed you”

“Missed you even more” Jamie smiles, stepping back to look into Morgan’s eyes.

“Oi, when are you two gonna give it up and date already?” Summer laughs walking over to Jamie, giving him a light punch on the shoulder. “Nice to see you, brother.”

“And when are you gonna mind ya beeswax” Jamie quips back. “Nice to see you too, Summer.”

But honestly, she has a point. They’ve been flirting for years. It’s clear they like each other, we’re just waiting for someone to make a move. Maybe this is their summer of love.

The food Farrah sent was just a few burgers with fries, and we spent the next half hour catching up talking about this and then I had an idea.

“So, I was texting Randy when we got here this morning he said there’s 4 guys from Nashville staying at The Manor, maybe you two could bring a welcome gift and check it out?” I said, hoping they catch my drift

“You think it’s that band you and Summer like, don’t you?” Morgan smirks, and Summer’s eyes go wide

“Not me, Jamie does. But you two are gonna find out for me.” I say back

“I just think 4 guys from the same place where Greta Van Fleet live, staying at the big house, can’t just be a coincidence. I’ll go with you, Summer seems a little shell shocked.” Jamie laughs

“You’re just now telling me you think you’ll be staying next to Sam Kiszka this whole summer? And we’ve been here for 45 minutes? Let’s go, go get some muffins and find out!” She basically yells, looking at me wide eyed

“Calm down Sam lane, it’s probably not. But it could be… so listen to her and go bring over those muffins, I could be living next to Daniel Jean Louise Marie Wagner” I agree.

“Alright, we’re going” Morgan puts his hands up, turning to Jamie “let’s get a move on, J.”

They walk out the door to get the muffins from Farrah, and as soon as they do, I look at summer with the biggest smile on my face, “I might be neighbors with Greta van Fleet.”

“We may get to meet Greta” she smiles back, “Holy fuck”

So that was the prologue! Please let me know your thoughts, i’d love to hear them 🤍

#sam kiszka #josh kiszka #daniel robert wagner #sammy kiszka #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fic #danny wagner #greta van fluff #greta van fleet #Spotify

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