#i know i'm going to hear all the shitty things my dad has done too

[immortalsins]

everything is falling apart but i'm kept alive rn by the thought of getting to organise jewellery tonight

[kpop---scenarios]

Misery Loves Company (1)

Pairing: Lee Know x Reader

Warning: Language etc

Genre: Coworkers/Enemies to Lovers

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N: Okay! I'm happier with this version of the first chapter!

Everything Taglist: @piscesrising01 @baby-stay92 @kisses-too-the-moon @dwaekkiiracha @rylea08 @imperfectlyperfectprincess1 @satosugu4l @iovecb97 @lordmaahes-nsc @sailorkoss @minh0scat @pixie0627 @50-husbands @jinnies-muse @yaorzu-blog @joyofbebbanburg @number1jeonginstan @skzooluvr @jisunglyricist @ambersnowxxx

@wife2straykids @silly250 @gabriellamarie @tsunderelino @1810cl

@anskiiz @ayyonoona

“Are you ready for the conference?” Your friend and co-worker, Hyunjin grins. “I can't wait for it.”

“Oh yeah, a week of meetings and workshops sounds absolutely delightful.” You chuckle.

“Believe me, that's not all that happens.” He grins, sending you a wink as he nudges you with his elbow.

You look around the office, catching the eye of the man you despised the most, Lee Know. Or as everyone else in the office called him, Minho. He was an arrogant, self centered, short tempered, selfish and rude man. And for some reason, well not some, a reason well known, he was extremely popular among your co-workers. He was undoubtedly extremely attractive, with a sense of humor that everyone loved, except you. However, that didn't change his shitty attitude and even shittier work ethic, and yet he had the audacity to talk shit about you.

You had walked into the break room one day, when you had only been working there for a few weeks, and there sat Minho with his back to you while he spoke to a few other workers.

“She's just… well, she's fucking horrible at her job.” He chuckles. “I mean, sure she's nice, maybe? I dunno, I haven't really talked to her, but she sucks. She must have been hired for her tits and ass.” He says, laughing. The other workers try to hide their faces as he continues on. But surely he wasn't talking about you? You were hired around the same time as another girl, and this made your stomach sink. You weren't great yet but you were trying, and you hadn't had like a huge fuck-up. Only a few minor ones.

You tried your best to ignore it, since there was a chance he wasn't talking about you and you wouldn't be upset until it was confirmed. “Y/N needs to go. I don't know how she's still even here.” He sighs, glancing over to his left. “Rose, what are you doing this weekend?” He smiles, looking at the other newer girl.

“She's right behind you, man. Why do you have to be such a dick?” One of the men, Hyunjin tells him, getting up from his chair to come up to you.

“Don't listen to him. He barely has one brain cell that's even functioning.” Hyunjin chuckles, guiding you out of the break room. ever since then, you and Hyunjin had become very good friends, while that made you want nothing to do with Minho, and you avoided him for months as best as you could. Unfortunately for you, you were still close enough to hear about his weekends, which led you to finding out that he was the biggest playboy you had ever met. Monday mornings, he was always talking about his latest conquests from the weekend, making sure it was loud enough for you and others to hear, rarely got his own work done on time, and yet, somehow was still praised by management.

You were honestly shocked he hadn't been fired yet. If you were to do some of the exact same things he did, you'd be written up, but he was a god among you all, and that fueled your hatred for him even more.

“Hey, you wanna ride to the airport together?” Hyunjin asks, as you're both packing up for the day. You were all booked on the same flights, tomorrow morning at 9:00am but you weren't going to let Hyunjin go that far out of his way for you.

“That's sweet, but no thanks. It's too far, I'm just going to drive myself, my dad is going to pick up my car from the airport later tomorrow. I appreciate the offer though!” You smile.

“Well if you change your mind, let me know.” He smiles, leaving before you.

You finish grabbing your bag, turning off your computer and making sure you weren't forgetting anything. You make your way to the elevator, clicking the button as you wait for it to ding, you feel the presence of someone beside you. You glance over, seeing Minho standing beside you, impatiently tapping his briefcase.

“Did you even press the button?” He asks, pressing it again.

“What do you think? I'm not an idiot.” You snap.

“Woah.” He chuckles. “A little testy this evening, are we?”

“You ruin my mood with your presence.” You sigh.

“You hate me that much? What have I ever done to you, Y/N?” He asks.

“Oh yeah, I despise you.” You answer. The elevator opens, you push your way in front of Minho to get on first, pressing the close button in the hopes it would magically close right in his face.

“That's hurtful, Y/N.” He pouts. “I just wanna be friends.”

“I have enough friends.” You respond.

“What's one more?” He grins.

“Having you as a friend sounds like absolute hell.” You say.

“Good thing I don't actually want to have you as a friend. You're too uptight for my liking. Maybe if you loosened up a little.” He says. “You know what, probably not even then.”

The rest of the ride down is silent. You get off as soon as you can, speed walking towards the front doors so you can get away from him as fast as possible. That night when you got home you finished up your packing and went to bed early. You had to leave by 630am to get to the airport at a decent time before your flight, you were not going to miss it.

“No, no, no!” You whine, running as fast as you can towards your flight's gate. Your carryon suitcase barely hangs on behind you as you weave through the crowds of people standing around waiting. “Please… no.” You breathe as you reach the desk, slamming your boarding pass down on the top. Seconds later another boarding pass is slammed down next to yours but you choose to ignore it. You were here first and you desperately needed to get onto this flight.

“I'm…” You breathe, your chest heaving. “Here.” The lady smiles at you, opening her mouth to speak. “I'm so sorry.” She sighs. “You just missed it.”

“No! Please! I woke up late and was rushing to get…here! And then I got a flat tire on my way! I-I left my car on the side of the road… I had to hitch a ride the rest of the way!” You complain. “It hasn't even taken off!” You say, motioning to the plane that was now pulling away from the gate.

You let out a big sigh. “Are there any other flights going out later today or tomorrow?” You ask.

“Yeah I really need to be on that flight.” Someone beside you says. The voice was familiar. A little too familiar and you really fucking hoped it wasn't who you thought it was.

You look over and aggressively roll your eyes, seeing the man you worked with, that you absolutely despised.

“I'll be on any flight that he's not on.” You say.

“They’d leave you before they left me, right gorgeous?” He chuckles, sending the desk agent a wink.

“Unfortunately, you're both out of luck.” The lady says, giving you both a sympathetic look. “The next flight there isn't until next week.” She tells you.

“But I need to be there ASAP for a conference. It starts in 3 days!” you complain.

“So do I.” Minho huffs.

“No one cares about what you need to do, Minho!” You snap.

“You can always rent a car.” She suggests. You hang your head down. The last thing you wanted to do was drive for 3 days to get there but it seemed like at this point it was your only choice. When you look back up, Minho is already gone. You make your way to the car rental desk, getting in line behind Minho. A few minutes later the man at the desk walks away with his keys in his hand, letting Minho head up to the desk.

“Just to let you know.” The girl behind the desk starts. “We only have one car available.” She says, forcing a smile.

“I'll take it.” Minho yells, just before you. He turns around, giving you a grin, one that made you want to punch him in the face. “What are you gonna do, Y/N?” He asks, protruding his lip for a fake pout.

“You have nothing left?” You ask the girl, holding your hands together to beg her. You'd drop to your knees if you had too.

“Not until next week.” She says. Minho continues to rent the car, signing documents, giving his license, while you stood behind him, internally fighting with yourself. You could just miss the conference right?

You pull out your phone to call your boss, who answers on the second ring.

“Y/N. Are you on your way?” He asks.

“Well sir…” you say, clearing your throat. “I missed the flight. And unfortunately Minho got the last car rental.” You explain. “So I was wondering…” you begin before he cuts you off.

“That's perfect. Just go with Minho then. What's the problem?” He asks.

“Nothing sir. Just wanted to let you know what the plan was.” You say through gritted teeth.

“Excellent. See you in a few days.” He says, hanging up the phone.

Minho grabs his keys walking past you, without a care in the world. You grab his arm, which to your surprise is a lot more muscular than you had expected.

“Can I help you?” He asks, pulling his arm away from you.

“Can I….” You trail off into a mumble. Minho squints his eyes at you. “Huh?”

“Can I… get a….” You trail off into a mumble again.

“I'm sorry, what? Y/N, speak up. I can't help you if you don't talk to me.” He says, leaning his ear closer. “I'm not getting the question?”

“Can I get a ride with you?” You huff, rolling your eyes.

“See, that wasn't so hard was it?” He smiles.

“So?” You sigh. “Can I?”

“No.” He says, walking towards the parking lot.

“Come on! You talk shit about me! it's the least you can do.” You snap.

“Oh fuck. It was one time.” He says.

“That I know of.” You tell him.

“Just skip the conference.” He says, continuing to walk away.

“I would if I could. Mr. Johnson said to ride with you.” You tell him.

Minho doesn't respond, instead pulls his ringing phone from in his pocket, sighing loudly as he looks at the caller ID. “Hello?” He answers. “Yes sir. Of course sir. See you then, sir.” He finishes hanging up the phone.

He starts walking away, you stay still. Taking in deep breaths. You'd get this figured out. It would be fine. Everything always ends up being fine, right? As you turn to walk in a different direction, Minho turns his head to look at you. “Well let's fucking go, we don't have time to waste.” He snaps, continuing to walk. You smile to yourself as you follow him, but that smile quickly fades when you remember how long you're going to be stuck with him in the car. At least you'll get a break when you get your own hotel rooms.

“Rules for the car.” Minho starts, pulling out of the airport parking lot. “You're not allowed to talk. You're not allowed to touch the radio, you're not allowed to do anything. Okay? It's gonna be a long drive and I'm already annoyed.” He says.

You don't reply, instead just stare out the window, leaning your head back onto the head rest.

“Okay?” He says again, glancing at you.

“What?” You scoff. “You said I'm not allowed to talk.”

“Fucking take me now.” He groans, looking up at the sky.

The first few hours were fine. The hum of the radio filled the car and you slept off and on, but right now you needed to use the bathroom so fucking bad. You didn't want to break the rules but there was a gas station coming up, and if you didn't go you were going to burst.

“I need to pee!” You yell out, pointing to the station. Minho sighs as he pulls off onto the exit, pulling up to the pump. You exit the car as fast as your legs would take you, b-lining straight for the women's room.

A few minutes later, you emerge feeling like a brand new woman. You glance outside, expecting to see Minho waiting in the car but he's no longer parked by the pumps. Your head whips from left to right, and you can't see him. Your purse, your phone, everything you had was in that car and now panic was starting to set in.

Your chest starts heaving as you could barely catch your breath. You were turning in a circle, until you heard laughing. You look over, seeing Minho walking over.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He asks, eyebrow raised.

“I thought you left me.” You admit.

“I parked on the side because someone else needed the pump.” He says. “I've been waiting for you. Jesus christ, let's go.” He finishes, walking back the way he came.

Relief sets in as you follow him to the car. Yeah, you probably should have checked around the whole building, but it also would not have been completely out of character for Minho to just abandon you in some town. The two of you get back into the car, setting off once again. If you wanted to make it on time, you were going to have to drive for another 8 hours before stopping. Honestly, it couldn't get any worse. The silent car ride was killing you. You enjoyed talking to people, and even though the only person you had to talk to was Minho, you would have rather had that than not talking at all. But every time you tried to talk to him, he immediately shut you down, whether or not he verbally told you to shut up, or putting his finger to his lips, or putting up his hand to tell you to stop. After the third time, you just decide to give up.

Eight hours later, Minho pulls into the parking lot of a hotel, parking the car. You both get out, excited to stretch and crawl into your own beds and sleep before another long drive tomorrow. You both walk up to the front desk, each speaking with a different clerk.

“One room, one bed, please.” You smile at the man.

Minho points to you. “What she said.” He murmurs, letting out a yawn.

“I'm sorry.” The man smiles. “Unfortunately, we only have one room available for the night.”

“Whatever.” Minho sighs. “One room, two beds then.”

“No sir.” The man laughs. “My apologies for being unclear.” He smiles.

“We only have one room with one bed.”

[iouinotes]

All for you | Carl Gallagher

pairing: Carl Gallagher x female!reader

show: Shameless

warnings: angst, fluff, smut (the reader and Carl are 18 years old in this ff)

summary: Carl is challenged that he can get your money, if he makes you fall in love with him. He loves the challenge until he loves something else more...

authors note: sorry for so many pov switched, I didnt notice it, when I first wrote this ff. Also I haven't had the chance to watch all the seasons yet, but I still hope that Carl's character is somewhat accurate :))

Carl's pov

"Frank, goddamit youre no help! Why are you even lying around here - oh forget it, I don't want to hear it." Fiona's voice echoes in the room, while the entire Gallagher household is present.

The everyday discussion has been going on for too many minutes in which I could have done something better. The damn question “How do we get enough money?”

Lip at college, Ian with his gangster boyfriend, my shitty sister with her kid and then Liam. This family is screwed. No wonder with a father like Frank.

As the argument continues to escalate, I have the misfortune of sitting right next to him.

"You care to share some money, son?" Of course, my attempts to ignore him are unsuccessful.

"The drug trade doesn't always work out so well, but the weapon thing was something. You could give one to your good old dad, you know what the neighborhood is like." I run my hands through my hair in frustration, shaking my head.

"Just get one or two girls pregnant at school, then all of our problems are solved. But she has to be rich. After all, you want to get your hard work paid." Why the hell am I still here?

"You used to be more enthusiastic about my ideas. If you don't want to do play daddy, then use your charm. When I was your age, my cock was enough and the girls were happy."

"Be fucking quiet, no one wants to hear about your pathetic youth." It's no use, he keeps talking.

"I'm only saying, If you make a rich girl fall in love with you, then you can get money to do something nice for your family."

As I get up and walk away from him I take a breath, the tension caused by this idiot sucks.

Still, his words got me thinking. Maybe there's a new girl who would be perfect for this job...

🔗🔗🔗🔗

Your pov

When I moved here, I wasn't sure what to expect. New school, maybe mean classmates and bad cafeteria food. That I might be able to join a group and make friends, people who laugh with me in class or go to the cinema together on weekends.

I was prepared to get lost in the hallways a few times, perhaps to be peppered with embarrassing questions by the teachers. I had even prepared myself for being called a nerd again and therefore spending my lunch breaks alone.

Then things turned out differently. I met two girls who, although they scared me at first with their need to gossip all the time, are good people at heart.

They studied with me (meaning they told me the newest gossip and braided my hair while I did our homework), showed me the city and its pitfalls. I felt comfortable, prepared and confident for what awaited me here.

Oh lord, was I wrong.

On a Thursday in the middle of the week I met a boy who messed everything up. Literally.

I met him when he was running through the halls twenty minutes late, but stupidly didn't pay attention to me, who was about to cross his path. Let's put it this way, it ended with my books on the floor, my jacket hanging off my shoulder, and his hair being a huge mess.

When he looked at me, I expected to hear something like "sorry" or "I'll help you."

You want to know what he said?

"Cute top. Let me know if you need help taking it off."

Then he got up casually and walked into the classroom across the hallway, a grin on his face as if he had won the Bachelor title.

After this encounter two things became very clear to me. 1. Look both ways when crossing the halls and 2. Stop daydreaming about this boy, even if he has beautiful blue eyes.

The first thing worked better than the second.

After a few descriptions, which actually only consisted of "incredibly impudent and incredibly good-looking", it was explained to me who I was dealing with.

Carl Gallagher. A boy who has lived here since he was born, someone who is rumoured to be more dangerous than the Italian Mafia.

Even though I thought that was exaggerated, I quickly realized that I should stay away from him and that he meant trouble.

Aside from the fact that I wasn't going to be in the situation of talking to him again anyway, my eyes couldn't stop themselves from looking at him.

There was something that defined him, something that made me want to watch a grin creep across his face when he made an inappropriate joke, how he would push his blonde hair back and his eyes would shine mischievously, as if he had already planned the next bank robbery.

I wasn't the only one who found his charisma attractive tho, of course not when he looked like one of God's angels, but he never really seemed interested in other girls. At least not with any serious intent, you might hear him flirting or making comments about his free bed, but you would never saw him in a relationship.

He never held hands or kissed anyone, had a real smile on his face or said sweet things, he was just Carl.

Suggestive, hot-tempered and like a flag that proclaimed: Stay away from me, because you will lose this fight.

I also felt that if I continued to watch him, I would lose the battle for platonic feelings towards him too.

"Please don't tell me you're looking at our school bad boy again. You better be careful, he might want to sell you a gun." Kenzie's voice makes me sigh.

"These are just rumors. Besides, it's not my fault, he's just -" Her hand on my shoulder interrupts me.

"We know, you have heart eyes every time you talk about him. There are so many great guys in this world, I'm not saying at this school, but you choose this one?" Her look says more than a thousand words as she looks over at Carl, who is pushing his way trough the crowd.

"I'm not in love, just curious. Those are two different things, okay?" Her eyebrows raise.

"You mean, curious how his lips would feel on yours?" Her laughter at my expression is lost in the sounds of the cafeteria.

"Very funny." I murmur to her, food forgotten on my plate. When the school bell rings, I stand up and pick up my backpack.

"My class is canceled now, but I'm going to the library. Will you meet me later?" As I walk backwards I see her thumbs up and the hearts she makes in Carl's direction. My reaction is two quick middle fingers.

As I walk out of the school building, I check my phone and tie my hair into a braid. The library is a few blocks away and the cool air makes me shiver.

When I get there and wave to the boy at the entrance, I turn to my favorite department. Call it cliche, but I love romance books. I mean, I don't know what it feels like to love someone with all my heart, but that doesn't mean I don't love reading about it.

The books I actually need are a few rows away. History, literature, everything I am assigned to get for school.

As I stroke over a few tapes and finally pull out a book to read the first few pages, I hear a noise next to me that makes me look up. After all, the library is usually a pretty quiet place.

As I look into the familiar blue eyes, I feel my cheeks turn red.

I have to stop myself from staring.

"Always a book in your hand, I see." Oh his voice hasn't changed. I try to shrug casually as I answer, but I'm not sure if it actually works.

"Aren't you going to be late for class again?" At my sarcasm he smiles, he takes a step in my direction which weakens my control over my voice.

"I thought I would learn something somewhere else too." These coded words make me swallow.

"So, you're here often?" I almost think he's not answering me, but maybe I'm just not concentrating, because I'm paying too much attention to every mole on his face.

"Actually, I didn't even know this shitty town had a library." His words make me laugh, but several requests to be quiet around us, make me whisper in response.

"Then why are you here?" I think my breathing stops as his hand brushes my fingers that are still holding the book.

"You're here." I feel my heart beating nervously faster, I probably look pretty confused and when I notice his grin, something flutters in my chest.

"No interest in books, huh?" Can my answer actually be any lamer?

"Dont worry, I have a newfound interest in you."

🔗🔗🔗🔗🔗

Your pov

If someone had told me a few weeks ago that I would become friends with Carl Gallagher, I would have found the idea absolutely crazy. To be honest, I still find the situation insane, but damn my cheeks still turn just as red when he's with me as they did the first time.

It turns out that he really has no interest in books, even though he visited me at the library almost every day since we met in the romance department.

I've never met anyone like him, funny and couragous without any reserve, always looking for trouble, acting self-confident. But also sweet.

He's like a current that pulls you along, like a wind that blows so hard that you fly with it. He feels like freedom and it is wonderful.

He makes me laugh, he carries my books, plays with my hair, walks home with me. In such a short time I feel like he didn't knock on the doors to my heart, instead he made a home there.

Maybe this is what it feels like to fall in love.

It's not a gentle announcement, more of a realization that makes you incredibly desperate and happy at the same time.

But with him I actually just feel happy.

"Ready, sunshine?" As soon as I come out of the classroom, he comes towards me and takes my bag from me. My heart jumps at his gesture, which feels like winning the Olympics.

"You're crazy, where do you even want to go?" He has something planned but won't tell me. When he puts his arm around my shoulder and I lean against him, I get a few sideways glances from our classmates.

Carl ignores everyone like always, it's crazy but the way he's so confident is pretty attractive to me.

"Does the guy in your cheesy books also tell you where they go on dates? I bet not, so just wait."

🔗🔗🔗🔗

"It feels like you're kidnapping me."

I feel his smile on my back and have to giggle quietly at his response.

"Mh, I plan to do that. But only for a few hours, otherwise my head will roll tomorrow. Your father takes your curfew pretty seriously."

I feel his hands on my hips, guiding me forward, hear the birds chirping around us, but can't figure out where we're going.

"Just a few more steps, baby. Then you'll see." As he promised, it is only a few meters away and when I see a small, calm lake, my mouth falls open in surprise.

"Carl, oh my God! It's wonderful here, thank you so much." I turn around in his grip and look at him, his smile reflects the love that I feel.

"Yeah? How much do you like it?" As his eyes focus on my lips, I feel a tingling feeling in my stomach. Slowly, my fingers stroke his chest and I see him swallow, even though he tries to hide it.

"I think it's incredibly beautiful here, I love it. And...I really like you." I shyly lower my gaze, my words are met with an unknown silence that makes me anxious after a few seconds. But when I look up at him again, he pushes a strand of my hair out of my face.

"To me, you are much more beautiful than this sight. I like you too and I thought that was pretty obvious." I smile broadly, butterflies fly around in my stomach and as the sun illuminates his face, I feel incredibly happy.

"You're so nice to me, I don't know how I deserve this." An expression crosses his face, but when I blink he smiles at me again.

"After all, you are the first person who explained the topics for the history exam to me, without giving up." My hand cups his cheek.

"I wouldn't give you up, you've become too important to me." As I stand on my tiptoes, our lips brush, his hand is on my back and pushes me closer to him.

"You are an angel." With his words we kiss and everything else around us blurs, only he remains. Everything is unimportant except him, standing in front of me, so handsome, that it is difficult not to look at him.

"Come on, let's go for a swim." As he pulls me towards the lake, you can hear our loud laughter in the air.

🔗🔗🔗🔗

Carl's pov

"When are you going to collect the money? You've been with her for the last three months and nothing has come of it." Frank's annoying voice frustrates me more than anything else.

"I am working on it. Besides, she's actually really caring." When I see the dismissive hand gesture in my direction, I roll my eyes.

"You are completely wrong, son. A person is there for a certain period of time, but money? Money accompanies you throughout your life, especially if you buy beautiful bottles of the best alcohol."

I sink into the sofa, but want to turn away when I feel his hand on my shoulder.

"If you put it off any longer, it will be harder to get out of the situation. Girls your age will start planning to get married, if you stay with them for months."

But when he leaves, I feel conflicted. Can I really do this to her?

🔗🔗🔗🔗

Carl's pov

"Happy birthday!" Her voice makes me jump and, confused, I turn around on the bench to look into her excited eyes.

"Why are you jumping around like that? Are you practicing for cheerleading?" I'm making fun of her, but the smile on her face doesn't fade.

"No, idiot. I'm just really curious to see how you react to your gift." My breath catches for a moment as I take in her words.

"You got me something?" When she leans forward and gives me a kiss on the cheek while pressing the bag into my lap, I start to smile too.

"Open!" Her encouragement breaks me out of my trance and I quickly tear up the paper, looking at the tickets with wide eyes.

"But...these tickets cost a fortune? Did you sell your liver or something?" When I look at her, she smiles back at me.

"I talked to my dad and he agreed that you deserve something special for your birthday. Are you happy?" As I look at the cards, I suddenly feel a pang in my heart. It must be showing on my face, because her happiness is also fading away.

"Do you not like it? I thought it was your favorite team? I can get you something else." When I look at her, I quickly pull her between my legs and kiss her.

"Shh, breathe angel. It's perfect, thank you. And well, your father. It's just a lot of money." Her hands play with the fabric of my shirt.

"You always say that. Do you have problems at home, with money, I mean? I've never been to your place, I don't even know where you live." What should I say to her now?

"It's okay." Her raised eyebrows look at me reproachfully, making me sigh.

"Each of us has to contribute a certain amount of money every month and if I don't sell fucking drugs, it will be tight." Her astonished look makes me pause and I gently stroke her arms.

Before I can say anything else, she kisses me. I look at her in surprise.

"What's that for?" She smiles shyly, looks at the floor for a moment before looking at me again.

"You're just so honest, I admire that. And that you've never asked me for anything, you know. That I lend you some money."

Fuck. Shit. What do I say?

"Yeah, I mean, I don't want to burden you with that-" but she interrupts me again, her concentrated expression makes me curious.

"What's going on in your pretty head?" My hands wander over her sides.

"It's the end of the month, how much are you missing?" I frown in confusion, but when she doesn't let it go, I tell her the amount.

"$240, the rest I earned by helping in the neighborhood." But despite the high sum, she just nods, looks at me again and gives me another kiss.

"Okay, maybe I'll be your sugar mommy." I have to laugh at the absurdity, but the longer she grins at me, the more I think she means it.

"What, are you serious? Thats fucking crazy, how am I supposed to pay you back?" Her eyes look around, but since the classroom is relatively empty during recess, she finds herself between my legs again. She slowly lets her hand wander down my stomach until she squeezes my cock through my clothes and I close my eyes in delight.

"Hmm, maybe you could help me relax between classes." Her eyes sparkle mischievously and I look at her with a grin.

"Anything you want, sugar."

Let's put it this way, the next few weeks the breaks were filled with kissing in the back corner of the classroom, dry humping on the toilet or Carl doing his best to pleasure me with his tongue in the caretaker's room, like now.

"Ahh-, Carl. I'll cum if you keep that up." His head has disappeared under my skirt, his fingers are stroking the bare skin of my thigh and the sinful movements of his tongue are making me see stars.

As he adds a finger and runs it over my folds, slowly until he inserts it, he looks at me again.

"You coming for me? Yeah, be a good girl or do you want to get caught by the old janitor grandpa spreading your legs for me?" As my eyes roll back, he pumps another finger into me, scissoring it thoroughly and hitting that sweet spot inside me.

When I moan loudly, he grins.

"You like that? Just wait until I bury my cock in you and you cant walk straight afterwards, so that everyone will notice." When his finger presses my clitoris, I see white and as I come I try to muffle the sounds with my hand over my mouth.

When I get off my high, I blindly search for my panties. But Carl beats me first.

"Hmm, no. I think I'll keep it as a little souvenir. Maybe you can get it back when you come to my house later." I don't know what surprises me more: that he wants me to run around exposed at school or that I'm invited to his house for the first time.

"Really? I'd like to come." But he interprets my words differently, his fingers stroke my entrance again and I moan and squeeze my eyes shut.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Very well and for a very long time." When the bell rings, he lets go of me and I whimper slightly.

"Carl-" but he interrupts me by pulling back and straightening my skirt.

"I'm sure our agreement was between recess, now it's class time. Come on, I'll make it up to you later."

🔗🔗🔗🔗

Your pov

As we ride the bus toward his home, I take his hand and intertwine our fingers.

"But don't expect a mansion or any of that shit." Ever since we left school, he has been bad-mouthing his hometown every free minute he has.

"Don't worry, I'll only have eyes for you anyway." The statement makes him laugh and he relaxes a little. As we get out and walk a little way along the street, we are watched by a few people.

"Why are so many people staring at us?" When he look at me, I'm obviously confused.

"Not everyone here wears designer clothes that cost several thousand dollars. If you come here more often, they'll call you a princess." Giggling, I slap him on the arm and as we climb the stairs to his house, I look around curiously.

"So this is where you grew up." His shoulders shrug casually, but I see him trying to gauge my reaction.

"Yeah, where in the world could it be nicer?" I laugh at his sarcastic comment and we both smile at each other as we enter the house.

I hear him calling into the house, then a girl with red hair appears, carrying a baby.

"You must be Debbie, the little one is so adorable." When I hold out my hand, she just looks at Carl with her eyebrows still raised.

"What did you do to end up with her? Also my daughter's name is Franny and yes, I know condoms exist." Surprised, I don't know exactly how to answer, so I leave it to Carl.

"My tongue is magic, Debs. Too bad you won't find out yourself anytime soon, Derek has moved away. By the way, Franny seems hungry." I'm unsure of the dynamic between the two of them, as she turns away and walks away, I resist the urge to say goodbye.

"That was...nice." His hand pulling me towards the stairs distracts me.

"She's a real ray of sunshine, come on. The others aren't back yet, so you can be as loud as you want this time."

When we get upstairs, he leads me into his room and I look at the magazines, posters and little things scattered everywhere.

"Cleaning and you are definitely not friends, huh?" I laugh at my joke, but Carl has other plans than letting me inspect his room.

He puts his hands on my hips and pushes me against the closed door, my breath catches as his eyes find mine.

"Do you want to keep playing housemaid? Then put on a damn maid costume, otherwise keep your eyes on me." At his stern voice, I press my thighs together and, grinning, I drag my fingers across his chest once again.

"Would you like that? Me on the floor, my ass in the air, and no underwear? Oh wait, what a coincidence that I'm not wearing any now either." His eyebrows raise, I see his eyes darken with lust.

"Let's save this little fantasy for another time, right now I just want to see you on my cock." Smiling, I lean towards him and start kissing him. I loosen the belt I bought him and pull him closer to me by his waistband.

"I think I did well today. After all, I didn't complain about getting through the school day without underwear. Do I get my reward now?" Grinning, he takes off my top and looks at my lace bra.

"Everything you want." He drops to his knees in front of me and kisses his way along my thighs, lifts my skirt and presses a kiss to my folds. Slowly he moves his tongue higher and kisses my stomach, I lean my head against the door.

"Does that feel good?" I just nod, burying my hand in his hair as he puts his mouth on me again.

"Ahh- Carl, I want you now." His fingers stretch me, the wetness running down my legs, making me tremble.

"You got me, sweetheart. What do you want me to do?" His head lifts to look at me and I place my fingers around his chin, seeing the moisture on his lips.

"I've been prepared enough, I want your dick now. Let's see if it's as magical as your tongue." Grinning, he stands up and lifts me up, lays me on my back on his bed and lies down between my legs.

He places a few kisses on my legs, then stretches up on his elbows so he's hovering over me. Then he kisses my cheek and my lips, lets his tongue slide over them and lets me taste myself.

I run my fingers through his blonde hair and pull his body closer to me. When he pulls a condom out of his pocket, I hold my breath.

"You still want to do this?" His look calms all the worries I had. I nod, stroking my fingers over his heated cheek.

"I trust you." His next kiss is passionate, his hands gliding over my body, caressing every bit of exposed skin. I lift my back off the mattress and let him take off my bra. His head lowers to run his tongue over my navel. As he sucks on them, I moan softly.

One of his hands starts kneading my breasts and when I try to take off my skirt, he stops me.

"Leave it on, okay?" I kiss him in response.

His hand strokes my sides and my own hands rest on his shoulders as he presses the tip of his cock against my entrance.

"Ready, baby?" When I agree, he presses himself into me and for a moment I have to squint my eyes because it hurts.

Then I feel several gentle kisses on my cheek, my forehead and my lips. His attempts to distract me work and as I become more and more relaxed, he slides further into me.

Slowly he presses his hips against me, the stretch so great that I can feel him all the way into my stomach. He waits for a moment, whispering sweet things in my ears until they get dirty and I beg him to move.

My hands wrap around his shoulders as he thrusts into me for the first time, the air around us thickening as he grunts and a moan escapes me.

"You're doing so well, God, you feel so good." His hips move faster and faster, the pleasure spreads through my body and the wetter I feel, the easier he slides in and out of me.

"You are perfect, my perfect girl. Do you feel good?" His hands stroke my skin, gently pinching my nipples, playing with them and making me squirm beneath him.

As he grips my hips and pushes himself harder into me, my head starts to spin. My noises get louder.

"Carl- god, please go harder" And so he does, the room is filled with the sounds of our bodies and sweat forms on us.

"Baby, do you want to ride me? You have such pretty thighs." I nod and when he pulls out of me I can't think clearly, I just want him to fill me up again.

He leans back and as I stabilize myself on his shoulders, I sink back onto him. The feeling is even better that my eyes roll back. His hands grasp my hips, helping me move.

"That's right, baby. You're doing so good, riding my cock like the good girl you are." At his words, I tighten my grip on him and he curses as I move harder on top of him.

The faster I go, the more exhausting it becomes, but as I feel a knot forming in my stomach, I ride him so fast just to chase my pleasure.

Then suddenly as he hits my spot inside me over and over again, I go boneless on him and melt in his arms. My come drips all over him and as he continues to fuck me, reaching his own climax, I tremble in his grip.

"Just a few more thrusts, baby. Ah, keep holding on to me." Even though I have lost my strength, I move on him a few more times until he comes and I lay my head on his shoulder.

We're both breathing heavily, but everything feels so good, so warm and comfortable, that I don't want to move a single muscle anymore.

He carefully pulls out of me, I moan slightly at the loss. He gently lays me back on his pillow and gives me a kiss before throwing the condom away.

He pulls the blanket over us and puts his arm around me to pull me closer. I snuggle up to him and feel so safe that I quickly press my lips to his skin.

"That was wonderful." He also presses a kiss on my hair.

"That was incredible, you are the best. I can't wait to do it again." Our embrace becomes tighter. For a moment the room is silent.

When I whisper his name, he hums in response.

"I know it's cliche to say something like that after the first time. But I just feel it so much that it hurts to keep it to myself. I love you." As I lie on his chest I hear his heart stop for a moment and then it starts beating much faster.

"I- no one has ever said that to me before." When I raise my head and look at him, he doesn't look at me. Instead, his eyes are fouced on the ceiling.

"I just want you to know. I don't want to put any pressure on you to say it. I just thought you should hear it. You know, now that things are serious between us." Again he is silent and I start to worry, but then he looks at me.

"You are truly the most incredible person I have ever met. I consider myself very lucky." He smiles at me, then leans down and we kiss for a moment. It feels like heaven.

We lay there for a few minutes, just cuddling and telling each other how our day was. We laugh and as the sun slowly sets, I start to get dressed.

"I wish I could stay here with you. But you know what my parents are like." He leans back on his elbow, watching me get dressed and contact my parents to pick me up.

"Hmm, I think we would do it again. If you stayed here tonight, I mean." I smile at him, sit down on his bed for a moment and ruffle his hair.

"I wouldn't mind, darling." The nickname makes him blush and when he leans forward to kiss me, I playfully push him away.

"I have to go, are you coming down with me?" He nods, feigning annoyance, and as we walk out of his room, he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me towards him.

He steals his kiss there, but more than that he steals my heart.

We smile at each other and for this moment everything is just perfect. We go downstairs and just as we are back in the living room we hear a door open loudly.

A visibly drunk man stumbles in. I see Carl tense up next to me, staring at the stranger angrily. I quietly lean towards him to whisper my question.

"Who is that?" When he rolls his eyes, I get a bad feeling.

"That's my father, great isn't it?" The man in front of me is dirty, has unkempt hair and an unpleasant smile on his face.

"Should I ask my parents if you can stay overnight?" My gaze is more focused on the man than on Carl.

But he just shakes his head, and just as he is about to answer, the man sees us too.

"Oh, my son! It's so good to see you, not really, but I'll take your bed. Fiona has mine. Is that your little girlfriend? She looks expensive, very good catch. How much money did you rip her off? I hope it's worth it to go through all this drama." I frown in confusion, but when Carl freezes next to me, I become uncertain.

"What does he mean by that?" This time my gaze is directed solely at Carl.

"Nothing, he's drunk-" but before he can finish, the man does.

"How rude of me, I am Frank. The proud father of this child, at least one of my descendants has made something of himself and used his talent. He has my good genes, the good looks and I teach him the tricks. Like exploiting an innocent, very very rich girl for money. It doesn't bother you, I hope? You seem to have enough, but I hope my son returns the favor to you."

The words catch me so off guard that I can't move. I don't believe anything this man says until I see the guilty look on Carl's face.

"W-what? That's a lie, right? Tell me he's lying, Carl." As he runs his hands through his hair and tries to answer me, Frank speaks again.

"Oh, you haven't confessed to her yet? My fault, I should have waited. I didn't think you would humiliate this girl for so long. I told you this wouldn't end well." But Carl ignores him completely when he notices me moving away from him.

"Wait, I'm sorry. It wasn't like that-" But I interrupt him, already feeling tears gathering in my eyes.

"So what happened? You act like you don't want any money from me and-" Carl's look becomes frustrated.

"You offered me your money! You said if I matched it, everything would be fine for you." I'm almost speechless, is this all a nightmare?

"Are you serious? I offered it to you because you weren't asking for it. And now I find out it was your plan from the beginning? You just talked to me, just spent time with me to get my money? Who does that?" Frank's voice intervenes.

"I invented the strategy, my dear. It's turning out to be quite useful." But I don't pay attention to him, I just look at Carl.

"Please, I'm sorry. Yes, it was meant that way in the beginning, but it's different now. I-" My tears flow when he admits it and any feeling of happiness disappears. All that remains is betrayal and sadness.

"You what? What am I saying, you were probably happy that I only wanted you in return. I'm such an idiot. You didn't just take my money, you took my first time too!" As he comes towards me, I step back.

"Listen to me, I didnt force you to do all this for me. You wanted it." The more he talks the more desperate I feel and the greater my anger becomes.

"You idiot! I thought you liked me! I thought you finally noticed me too." My sobs get louder and my vision blurs. When he tries to grab my face, I slap him.

"My cue to go. I can see that you're sorting it out between yourselves just fine." Frank's footsteps fading away are nothing compared to the sound of my heart breaking.

"I like you, I really like you. At first it wasn't my intention to start a relationship with you, but then I got to know you and-" Every word that escapes him is only worse.

"Stop talking! You know what the worst thing is that I liked you for so long before you even talked to me. And I thought it was a miracle when you first spoke to me in the libary. I should have listened to the others, you only care about yourself!" I wipe the tears from my cheeks, wishing I could be anywhere but here.

Then before he can say anything, I turn around and run out of the house. But I hear him following me.

"Wait! Don't just walk away, I have to get this straight. Hey!" He catches me, turns me around and holds my tear-stained face in his hands.

"I'm an idiot, I know that. I'm sorry for hurting you. I- God, I love you. You hear me? I love you too. Please stay." But I just shake my head and try to free myself from his grip.

"How do I know if that isn't a lie too? You've betrayed me, I can't talk to you now." When my car pulls up, I get in without turning around. I don't look back, even though his loud curse can be heard throughout the whole neighborhood.

🔗🔗🔗🔗🔗

Your pov

I spend the next few days without saying much, but I cried almost the whole time.

I miss him incredibly, not a day has gone by in the last few months when I haven't seen him and now I've been alone for three days.

I wish he was here, but on the other hand I am so hurt and feel terrible. He is the reason for this.

I wish I had never found out. I wish he had never done it, never lied to me. Didn't use me for money, but worst of all, I don't know if he even likes me.

Today is the first day that I go back to school. Even though I put on make-up, choose a nice outfit and listen to my favorite songs to distract myself, I can only think of him.

His blonde hair, his beautiful eyes, the way his lips felt. How he felt inside me. Then I remember that he loves me and how he finally said it, something I have wanted to hear for so long.

But then I think about what he did and everything feels empty again.

As I enter the school, my friends come to meet me. They already know what happened, they all hug me and I feel a little better.

Until I see him.

And he sees me too. It takes all my effort to avert my gaze. To get my books out of my cupboard, but then I have to stop because he is not standing next to me offering to carry them.

I take it myself, close my door, but before I can go any further, he is standing in front of me. My heart stops. Oh, how his eyes shine.

"Do you need help?" His eyes focus on the books and I have to swallow several times before I can answer.

"No, I have to go to class now." But as I try to walk past him, he stops me.

"You don't answer my texts, you don't call me back. I'm not allowed into your house and you avoid me at school. What can I do? Please tell me what I need to do, so you forgive me." I laugh, but it is without humor.

"What can you do? Move."

I can see his shock, but he still doesn't step aside.

"Can't you hear me? I said-" but he walks toward me until I'm forced to lean my back against the lockers.

His eyes find mine.

"I can't sleep. And when I do, I dream of you. There's a - a hole in my heart that only you can fill. It hurts and I hate not being with you. It's even worse to be here, when you don't look at me the way you usually do. You don't smile at me, God, you don't look like you're in love with me anymore. It's hell."

Tears gather in my eyes, his words are so desperate, it hurts to see him like this.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you took advantage of me. Before you slept with me." A tear runs down my cheek and I know my mascara is smudging.

"I know, I know. And I feel so bad, I'll do anything to make it right. Just tell me."

When I look into his eyes, my heart also hurts.

"Move, Carl. I can't see you now." This time he lets go of me and I go to class with tears in my eyes.

🔗🔗🔗🔗

Your pov

It's been four weeks since we last spoke, but it doesn't hurt any less to see him. Even if I don't let him talk to me, he doesn't give up.

He puts flowers in my locker, chocolate, and notes full of apologies and sweet promises.

Everything warms my heart, but it still feels like this money thing is unresolved between us. I know now that he likes me, very much in fact, as he makes it clear, but that doesn't change the real problem.

That he used me for my money.

As I leave school that day, I feel exhausted and, as I often do, I wish I had his arms around me.

Holding me tight, his lips kissing me, loving me.

As I wait for my father's car, I suddenly hear his familiar throat clearing. With my heart pounding, I turn around and see him smiling uncertainly at me.

"I know what I had to do and now I've done it. Here." He gives me an envelope and I take it uncertainly.

"Carl, your letters are flattering, but-" He quickly interrupts me.

"No, it's something else. Open it." The deja vu hits me unexpectedly and I slowly open the envelope, the content leaves me speechless.

"What is that supposed to be?" It's rhetorical, but I ask anyway.

"All the money I owe you. What you've kindly given me, I pay it back. Every cent. You can count." He looks so proud, I almost have to laugh.

"How- did you rob a bank?" He grins contentedly at my reaction.

"An old grandma." This time I laugh and he comes closer to me, slowly taking my hands.

"No, seriously. How did you do that?" He looks at me lovingly.

"Working in the kitchen every day after school, I found a part-time job with Fiona. The payment is bad, but it was worth it. I understand that money was the problem and well, that I wasn't honest to you." As I lower the envelope, we look at each other.

"Promise, no more secrets?"

He smiles and suddenly the world is a brighter place.

"Promise, but we continue one of our agreements." I raise my eyebrows questioningly, seeing him grin as he leans toward me, his breath brushing against my lips and he whispers:

"I'll still spend my breaks with you in the janitor's room."

The laughter that escapes me gets interrupted, when his lips meet mine.

[sweetprfct]

Is It Over Now?

Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Fake dating your flatmate, Joe, should be a simple thing. It meant you get to help get his ex back, and it meant you get to stop your parents' nagging about bringing someone home for once. But what happens when fake dating turns into something unexpected? Now, what?

Author's Note: I'm sure you all remember this unfinished fic. I'm back in this new blog. I'm setting my boundaries. Anons are off in this blog. I'm here to have a good time and that means no hate or drama from the fandom. I'm simply here to enjoy my writing and share it with everyone. Please read this for more info.

Disclaimer: Mention of violence, 18+

Wordcount: 3.7K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five - part six - part seven - part eight - part nine - part ten

You knew going home for New Years was a terrible idea because when did you come home, and it ended up being a good quality time with your parents?

Never. 

All weekend, all you heard was your mum nagging about every detail of what was wrong with your life. You sat there on the dining table as she cooked dinner for the four of you. Your dad watching some sports on the television, and your younger brother sitting next to you, giving you a “just tuned her out” look. As if you haven’t done that all your life. 

“Did you know my friend’s daughter lived with her boyfriend for two years in the same flat, and he stabbed her in her sleep?” Your mum gave you her wide eyes.

“Mum!” Your eyes widened, disbelief that she had told you that. “I don’t think it's appropriate to talk about this.”

“Well, I’m just saying!” Your mum shook her head, sliding the chicken in the oven. “If her own boyfriend had stabbed her, how sure are you that you’re safe with that flatmate of yours?”

You rolled your eyes, hearing your brother chuckle next to you. 

“Wait, is she okay though?” Your brother interrupted. 

“She’s fine. Good thing she was rushed to the hospital right away.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose as your brother and your mum talked back and forth about the incident that happened. Meanwhile, your dad was just shutting the three of you out. Your brother was your mum’s favorite, especially now that he went through a divorce. She had babied him even more. She would say she felt sorry for him for going through such a shitty and rough divorce. Your dad, however, loved to nag your brother just like what your mum does to you every time. He would tell him how he shouldn't have married too early. That he only knew her for a year and decided that he was in love when he wasn’t in the first place. 

“I’ve been with Joe for a year. He’s fine. He’s barely home anyway.” You argued back.

Your mum let out a loud scoff, wiping her hands on the kitchen towel as she started working on the mashed potatoes. 

“You only kept that flat because you keep spending your money on unnecessary things!” Your mum has now found a new excuse for her complaining. “That's why you can’t afford your own flat. I mean look at Sara… She and Abby just bought a new place, and they got married.”

Oh no.

Here comes the marriage subject. 

You knew she was slowly creeping that subject in this conversation. She always managed to find a way to bring it up, and you should have seen it coming already. You and Sara have been best friends since college, and she has grown pretty close with your family. She got engaged last year with Abby, whom she met at an art gallery three years ago, and they got married just a few months ago. Though, before all that, you and Sara were flatmates. She moved out a year ago after getting engaged and started living with Abby. You, on the other hand, had found—you thought— a perfect flatmate. 

Joe. 

Joseph Quinn from that famous Stranger Things show. He was looking for a flatmate—you didn’t know why since he could afford it himself— and you thought it was perfect since he was barely home, and you could have the flat all by yourself most of the time. He wasn't too much of a hassle most of the time, and he knew how to treat your own boundaries well. It was perfect. 

Atleast to you. 

“Hate to burst your bubble, mother, but a flat in London is very expensive these days. I haven't been spending my money on unnecessary things.” 

“Maybe put that flatmate to use and get with him instead.” Your mum murmured under her breath, but you heard it loud and clear.

“MUM!” 

Ohmygod.

This woman was going to drive you nuts for the rest of the weekend. Was she that desperate that she was literally suggesting for you to get together with Joe? The woman was mad. 

“What?” Your mum gave you a look as if what she just said was not something so inappropriate. “You’re almost 30, and you don’t have a boyfriend nor have you brought anyone home at all.” 

You rolled your eyes, leaning back on your chair. You were 28 years old for fuck’s sake. She didn’t understand how hard it was to date someone out there these days. Besides, you liked your independence. You liked doing things on your own. You liked the way everything was in your life right now. You didn’t need to change that. 

“You two have been flatmates for over a year, and you’re telling me you two haven’t had sex?”

Good lord.

You got up from your chair, shaking your head. You couldn’t take anymore of this conversation with her. She needed to go get checked out or something because the woman was insane. Mental for sure. 

“Mum!” Your face was all scrunched up with the idea of you and Joe doing it. “I don’t like him like that! Also, just so you know, he has a girlfriend.”

“A girlfriend?” Your mum’s eyes widened. “And they don’t live together? That’s not going to last.”

“It’s his life, mum. Let him live the way he wants it to be.” You made your way towards the kitchen doorway. “Just like how you should let me live my own life.” You mumbled under your breath.

“Stop being so stiff and having an attitude with men all the time. That’s why no one asks you out.”

You sighed and paused in your tracks, turning to face your mum. You were ready for this conversation to be over.

“I’ll try.” You told her with a sarcastic hint in your voice before walking out of the kitchen, hearing your brother letting out a sigh. 

You knew he was frustrated for you too because he felt the same when it came to your father. Both of you dealt the same shit like this from your parents your whole lives. It wasn’t a surprise that the both of you were quick to move out of the house the moment you both graduated from secondary school. 

You flopped yourself on the sofa next to your dad, exhaling a sharp breath. The thought of you and Joe appeared in your mind, and you just couldn’t imagine it at all. You didn’t even know Joe well enough for you to like him like that. He was just your flatmate. A nice guy whenever he was around. That was all. 

“Mum bothering you?” Your dad interrupted your thoughts.

“Oh, you know, like always. She’s getting more and more inappropriate these days.” 

Your dad chuckled softly, taking a sip of his beer, his eyes were still laser focused on the game in front of him. 

“So, do you have a boyfriend at all?” 

You couldn’t help but let out a groan and threw your head back as soon as your dad mentioned that question. It was like you couldn’t get away from that subject at all in this house. You got up from the sofa and headed upstairs to your old room and stayed there until it was time for dinner. Your dad wasn’t as harsh as your mum when it came to conversations like these with you, but you were so sick of it. So sick of hearing the same question.

Why couldn’t anyone understand that you were fine being single? It wasn’t like you didn’t like being in a relationship. You were just bad at it, and you weren’t actively looking for one at the moment. You were too focused on your career, and why were they so adamant about you getting into a relationship when the both of them would fight all the time anyway? They couldn't even handle their own marriage well. Even now, they would argue in front of you or in front of their friends with no shame at all. It was stupid and ridiculous. 

How did they expect you to be in a relationship and deal with all that shit? 

It was all so terrifying.

You didn’t need that kind of shit in your life right now. You were perfectly fine being alone and just hanging out with your friends. You were fine meeting some man at the bar sometimes and maybe a little hookup but that was it. No strings attached after. Just a little bit of fun for a night. 

Coming home to your flat after that chaotic and terrible weekend at your parents’ house, you were so glad to be back in your own place. All you thought about the whole ride home on the train was how your bed was already calling you. You were ready to cuddle up in your fuzzy blanket, have some dinner and maybe a glass of wine, while finishing an episode of the show you were currently watching. 

Joe was in town for the next however many months. Who knows what his next schedule will be. You stopped keeping track of it since it would change all the time anyway. Though, you knew he was meeting his girlfriend, Ivy, tonight because he sent you a text when you were on the train that he left some dishes on the kitchen sink, but he would clean it up after his date with Ivy. 

Entering the flat, the place was dark and quiet. The only sound that you could hear was the heater automatically turning on every twenty minutes or so. Reaching for the light switch, you slapped it with your hand to turn on all the lights and made your way down the hall, dropping your duffel bag on the floor of your bedroom. You grabbed all your dirty clothes from your bag and threw it on the laundry basket before walking inside the shower to freshen up. Letting the hot water touch your skin, you exhaled sharply, letting your shoulders and mind relax. 

It was always like this.

You would find your whole body all tight and tense after visiting your parents’ house because of all the shit you have to deal with whenever you decide to come home. You didn’t even know why you would expect something else from them since it was always the same. You should have known. You couldn’t help but think about how you weren’t ever going back there again until Christmas because you couldn’t take anymore of hearing your parents’ nagging about the same thing all the time. 

Finally, pushing those thoughts away and reminding yourself that you were far far away from them now, you went to go make yourself some dinner and poured yourself a glass of white wine and settled onto the sofa. You figured maybe Joe wasn’t going to come home until later or better yet, he might stay over at Ivy’s place if he had too much to drink and couldn’t get away from her. 

You met Ivy a few times. She was tall and thin and an upcoming successful model. She was nice when you first met her but whenever she would come over after that, she would barely acknowledge you. It wasn’t like you really cared because it wasn’t any of your business. You did your own thing, and Joe did his. He never complained when, sometimes, you would bring a guy home, so why would you? 

During one of the nights that you and Joe would hang in your living room because you both ended up being bored on a weekend, he had mentioned that he and Ivy have been together for six months. From the conversation that you two had, it seemed like Joe really liked her. You couldn’t blame him though. She was pretty, confident, and a model. Who wouldn’t like her? 

So, after an hour of peace, you were sort of surprised when you heard his keys dangling on the other side of the front door as he unlocked it. It was only 9:30pm, and he usually doesn’t come home ‘til midnight or even at 2 am. Sometimes he doesn’t even come home at all. You heard the front door swung open and closed from down the hall as Joe’s heavy footsteps made the wooden floors creak. You drank your wine and looked over your shoulder to see him stumbling on his feet, walking towards you.

Was he drunk? This early?

Pausing the episode that you were watching, you got up from the sofa and walked over to where he was, helping him up on his feet. He was barely walking, and he was using the wall to lean onto it, so he wouldn’t fall flat on the floor.

“Are you okay?” You asked, taking his arm and wrapping it around your shoulder, helping him towards the sofa. 

Joe let out a sarcastic laugh and scoffed at the same time to the question you just asked. He flopped himself on the sofa and took a deep breath. He looked distressed. He could barely carry his head as he threw his head back on the sofa and closed his eyes. You wondered if something happened with Ivy. You wondered if they fought or if she said something to make him this upset.

“Ivy broke up with me.” Joe shook his head, his voice full of despair. 

You raised your brows in surprise, sitting next to him. You weren’t good at comforting someone, so you didn’t really know what to do or say. 

“Oh.” It was all you could manage. “I’m so sorry. Did she tell you why?”

It was a dumb question.

Of course, she would tell Joe why. Unless she was that cold hearted that she just told him it was over and left him like this. She wouldn’t do that, right? You just asked that stupid question because you didn’t know what else to say.

“She said because I wasn’t in town all the time, so she barely sees me and when I’m in town, I barely pay attention to her.” Joe fluttered his eyes open, straightened himself on the sofa and reached for your wine glass on the table, drinking the rest of it.

What Ivy said was such a lie though. 

How could she say that Joe barely paid attention to her when all Joe ever did was visit her whenever he was in town. In fact, he doesn’t even come home sometimes because he would stay over at her place, so what else did she want from him? 

“You know what makes it worse?” Joe scoffed again, shaking his head in disbelief. “She had to drag your name in the argument too.”

Your name? 

What do you have to do with all of this? What do you have to do with their relationship?

“What did she say?” You asked. 

Somehow, you sort of afraid of what Joe was going to answer.

“She’s jealous of you.” Joe replied. “Can you believe that? She’s jealous of you! She asked why I’m flatmates with you.”

That still didn’t make sense as to why she would be jealous of you. She knew you have been living in the same flat as Joe’s for a year now and all of a sudden, she was jealous? 

“Why would she be jealous of me?”

Joe shrugged, looking around his surroundings like he was looking for something. “I don’t know. She said something about you being smarter, prettier and better than her.”

What was in the air lately? Had people gone mad or something? First, your mum was saying all kinds of nonsense shit and now, Joe just told you Ivy was jealous of you? 

Jealous? Was she serious?

Ivy was literally a model. Every man would fall to their knees to have her, but she chose Joe over the rest of them. Not that Joe wasn’t attractive or anything. He was attractive, nice, and a good guy, but she could literally have anyone she wanted. Now, she was comparing herself to you? That was just ridiculous and honestly, sort of got you baffled over it. You weren’t even anything special at all for her to feel that way.

You couldn’t say all of that out loud though. Joe was already upset enough.

“I’m sorry.” You told him again, but Joe was too busy looking for something as his head snapped back and forth from side to side, his eyes scanning the room. “What are you looking for?”

“The rest of this.” Joe held up your empty wine glass. “Is it okay if you stay here and keep me company? Please?”

You nodded your head as you got up from the sofa to get the bottle of wine that you left in the kitchen and grabbed yourself another glass. You weren’t sure if it was a good idea to give Joe more alcohol but honestly, he probably needed it after tonight. Sitting back down next to him on the sofa, you poured the both of you some more wine, and you immediately took a sip of it, letting the liquid burn your throat and warm your stomach up.

“All her excuses were so stupid.” Joe drank his wine before continuing, “She knew how complicated my job could get, and I warned her about it, and she told me she could handle it. Now, she’s saying that she couldn’t?”

“I mean… if she knew about it, how come she’s acting like this was all new information she was just learning?” You turned to your side, fully facing Joe.

You brought your feet up and rested it underneath you to settle yourself on the sofa comfortably and continued to drink your wine. “You’re an actor. You are bound to travel to different countries, especially if it's a big part of your job.”

“Exactly! Thank you!” Joe threw his hand up in the air. “And bringing you in the conversation? Why would she be jealous of you? She had known all this time we’re just flatmates.”

You shrugged, “I don’t know. She seemed okay when I first met her. Then, she barely acknowledged me ever since.”

Joe scoffed, finishing his glass of wine before pouring himself more. You might want to take that bottle of wine from him soon because he might get even more drunk as he continues to vent over Ivy. 

“I feel like you’re the only one who understands. I know we barely talk because I’m barely even home most of the time, but thank you.” 

Joe was genuine and sincere and even when he was all upset, you could see the sincerity in his eyes. That was the one thing that you noticed about Joe. His eyes never lie. You could always tell the difference if he was lying or if he was telling the truth. Though, he didn’t really need to thank you. You understood how important his career was because you felt the same when it came to yours. However, it didn’t mean that he stopped caring about Ivy. You could see how much he liked her. 

“You communicated with her about everything that came with your career when she started dating you. Maybe you should try and communicate with her again about all of this? You know… to give her reassurance.” 

“I tried.” Joe leaned back on the sofa and stared at the ceiling. “But she refused to believe me. She said she couldn’t handle it anymore.”

You pursed your lips and stared at your distressed flatmate for a moment, not really knowing what else to say or do. Joe picked the worst person to vent about his relationship problems because what did you even know about a relationship? Yeah, you have been in a couple of relationships, but you were terrible at it. That was why you never tried to be in one. It was better that way. But you couldn’t tell Joe that. It seemed like he really wanted to fix this and be with Ivy.

“I really liked her too.” Joe played with the empty glass in his hand. “I really thought we were going to last.” 

“I’m really sorry.”

You scolded yourself for saying that for about a millionth time tonight. As if your sorrys were going to help his situation. You just didn’t know what else to say or do, and you hated it. Hated the fact that you couldn’t comfort someone without feeling all cringey and uncomfortable. Giving Joe some affection was going to make it worse too.

You blamed your own mother for being so cold your whole life. Affection and comforting someone didn’t run well in your family. Though, you knew you mostly were just blaming your mother because you were still frustrated over the chaotic weekend that you had to deal with. 

What a start of a New Year for you and Joe, huh? 

Joe continued on to rant about Ivy, but you could tell he was just angry and frustrated with her. You could see it in his eyes that he still felt something for her. Of course, that wasn’t going to go away easily. Eventually, he had fallen asleep on the sofa. So tired from all the venting and so drunk from all the alcohol he drank that he just crashed.

You got up from the sofa quietly and grabbed the throw blanket, covering him up, so he was comfortable and warm. There was no way you were able to carry him back in his room. He was just going to have to be comfortable on the sofa. For a second, you studied Joe that was peacefully sleeping in front of you and thought how you sort of felt bad for him. You couldn’t really put the pieces together as to why Ivy would act like that, especially how she felt about you. You barely saw Joe around lately, and you thought Ivy felt the same way about him with the way she would act around him whenever she would come over. 

Laying on your bed that night, staring at your ceiling, you kept comparing yourself to Ivy. She was a model, you were just someone who worked at a biotech lab. She was much prettier and taller. You were short and not at all pretty—at least you thought so— compared to her. You were nowhere near famous or known by certain people when you walked down the street unlike Ivy and Joe. 

Closing your eyes and letting the subject go, you just hoped that maybe Joe would at least feel a little better tomorrow. 

Taglist:

@palomahasenteredthechat @sunvick @eddies-acousticguitar @demonsanddemogorgons @joesquinns @mmunson86 @ghostinthebackofyourhead @corrodedcoffincumslut @figmentofquinn @tlclick73 @browneyes8288 @bylermaxmayfield

(I can't remember anyone else who wanted to be in the taglist so please let me know if you want to be in it).

[swordofsun]

One of the things I have discussed ad nauseum with @ilarual and @mybrainproblems is how Dean doesn't give John a denouncement in Lebanon because he doesn't need to give John a denouncement. He's already done it. Just because John wasn't there doesn't mean it didn't serve the same purpose for Dean.

Yes, I'm talking about 03x10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me:

DREAM DEAN

Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument.

(angry)

Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?

DEAN

(angry)

Son of a bitch!

DEAN pushes DREAM DEAN hard, knocking him into the wall above the desk.

DEAN

(screaming angrily)

My father was an obsessed bastard!

DREAM DEAN tries to get up and DEAN kicks him down on the desk again. DEAN holds the weapon as a bat and hits DREAM DEAN once and then pins him to the wall with it.

DEAN

All that crap he dumped on me, about protecting Sam! That was his crap. He's the one who couldn't protect his family. He-

DEAN steps back and swings the weapon again, hitting DREAM DEAN twice.

DEAN

He's the one who let Mom die.

DEAN pins DREAM DEAN again.

DEAN

– who wasn't there for Sam. I always was! He wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me.

He backs away from DREAM DEAN.

DEAN

And I don't deserve to go to Hell!*

The catharsis is admitting that John was unfair and expected too much. It doesn't actually need to be said to John. This is stuff Dean needs to acknowledge in himself. To accept and move forward with that knowledge. It's finally verbalized this that allows him to admit to Sam that he doesn't want to die and he doesn't want to go to hell.

But I also realized today that Dean does also get that yelling at John moment. He just doesn't get to remember it until 04x15 when Tessa gives him back his memories of 02x01.

JOHN is sitting by DEAN'S bed; !DEAN STANDS NEARBY.

!DEAN

Come on, Dad. You've gotta help me. I've gotta get better, I've gotta get back in there. I mean, you haven't called a soul for help. You haven't even tried. Aren't you going to do anything? Aren't you even going to say anything?

(he starts walking around the bed)

I've done everything you have ever asked me. Everything. I have given everything I've ever had. And you're just going to sit there and you're going to watch me die? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you?**

And, again, it doesn't matter that John doesn't hear any of this. Because it's not for John. It's for Dean. Dean's the one who needed to acknowledge everything John did to him. And he does. He just doesn't have the need to then talk about it with other people or waste the short period of time he has with John in Lebanon hashing over stuff he's already dealt with.

He even gets an acknowledgment from John that he was wrong to raise Dean the way he did. He just followed it up by giving Dean one last shitty order. But he still does say:

JOHN

You know, when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt, and after what I'd seen, I'd be, I'd be wrecked. And you, you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in the eye and you'd... You'd say "It's okay, Dad"

(pauses)

Dean, I'm sorry.

DEAN

What?

JOHN

You shouldn't have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you. You know, I put, I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you.**

By the time Lebanon comes around he's dealt with all this crap. He's had his moments of yelling about the unfairness of it all. He's dealt with his issues around Mary making the deal in the first place and not leaving them any warnings or explanations.***

Lebanon is about healing an old hurt that's been festering since he was 4 years old. It's giving him one last happy family meal. Why would he ruin that by yelling at John about things he's already dealt with?

SAM

How did this happen?

DEAN

I-I-I don’t know. You said that the – the pearl gives you what your heart desires, right? So, my heart desired – I – I’ve wanted this, man. I’ve – I’ve wanted this since I was 4 years old.

SAM

Okay, I know, and I-I-I-I love this, too, Dean. I do, honestly, but – but messing with time –

DEAN

No, no, no, Sam.

SAM

You know how this ends. Things change.

DEAN

Yeah, great – we got our family back together. I’ll take that change.

SAM

That’s not what I mean.

DEAN

Stop. Just stop, okay? Look, can – can we just have one family dinner? Just one? Us – all of us together. That’s all I want. Can you just give me that?****

I think sometimes people get so focused on what they'd like to see that they forget what would actually make sense for the characters. Dean's had his denouncements and Lebanon is about reaffirming his happiness on where he is now.

JOHN

No, son. My fight. It was supposed to end with me, with Yellow Eyes. But now you – you are a grown man, and I am incredibly proud of you. I guess that I had hoped, eventually, you would… get yourself a normal life, a peaceful life, a family.

[DEAN nods. He smiles.]

DEAN

I have a family.****

*03x10 Transcript

**02x01 Transcript

***See 12x22 Who We Are

****14x13 Transcript

[the-whispers-of-death]

You don't have to do this, but I just need something because I've had a particularly shitty day

I've been mildly racially harassed by my coworkers so maybe a cod character comforting reader for having to deal with all that

I'm sorry you've had a shitty day. Here's Gaz comforting you because he too understands being racially harassed (there's not going to be dialogue because I'm tired).

Gaz would settle you both on the couch and wrap you in a blanket together with him, intent on taking your mind off whatever happened. He has been on the side of being stereotyped and harassed just because of the color of his skin, so he just wants to make you forget all about it.

He peppers kisses all over your face, telling you stories of the dumb things he and the rest of the 141 get up to when they're not on missions. He tells you all of Ghost's cringey dad jokes because he knows those will make you laugh (whether it's genuine or you laugh because they're just so cringey), tells you all of the ways he and Soap pranked Ghost and Price. He regales you with the story about how Price was convinced by him and Soap to prank Laswell, because she wouldn't see it coming if Price did it and he tells you her reaction to the prank.

If you're still feeling down after all of his stories, Gaz will untangle himself from you and make sure you're nicely cocooned into blanket before going to the kitchen and making your favorite drink. It can be tea, hot chocolate, or alcohol, it's just whatever will ease your mind in that moment. He gives me major "I'll hold the mug/glass while you drink" vibes so when the drink is done, he does exactly that.

If it's not too late, he'll draw you both a bubble bath so you can relax and have fun together. He loves hearing your giggles when he blows bubbles your way.

And when you two finally retire for the night, Gaz spoons you from behind and tells you that he'd be happy to tell your coworker off the next time you get racially harassed. He just wants you to be happy and he'd gladly go toe to toe with someone if it meant they'd stop bothering you. It wouldn't even have to be physical, he could do it all verbally.

You drift off to sleep with him kissing your forehead, warmth filling your veins due to his strong arms around you.

[zariahthechocolatecookie]

Thoughts On TDP 6x05 - "Moonless Night"

trying a new format for this post. I'm officially over halfway through the episodes now, so it seemed fitting. (not that a lot of people read this or anything). my other posts have also been more paragraph-y and less bullet-point-y, so just writing full-on paragraphs seemed more fitting.

Like always, I'm going to start with the Callum & Rayla section. There's always a good chunk of stuff to talk about with them, I feel like, so they always feel like a good starting point for me. Also Rayla's my favorite character... so that probably has something to do with it too :P

Aaaaanyway - to start with, my previous prediction was right! They didn't have to kill the beast (esmeray, right?) in order to end the storms! Glad I managed to make a correct prediction - hopefully others I make will come true as well. More thoughts below the cut.

Not killing esmeray fits with the overall theme of the show, I feel, since so much has focused on choosing paths other than violence to resolve problems. So it was a nice touch - and if you wanted to strech it, I feel like you could sort of use it as a... metaphor? symbolism? sorta thing for the show's whole 'choose love over violence' message / theme. That whole part of the episode was very well done!

It was absolutely ADORABLE when Rayla figured out what the reward for fulfilling the prophecy was & that Callum knew about it. They're just too cute together... I'd put a screenshot but my dad is holding the Netflix login hostage 😔

Moving on to the more plot-significant moments, Kosmo became timeblind!! Good for him. I'm quite curious to see what being timeblind actually entails. We only don't see a lot of it from Kosmo, and I feel like there's more to it. Especially since nothing he's done so far is specifically related to time.

Just a few more thoughts on this - I wonder if kosmo being timeblind will spark some sort of jealousy/misunderstanding between him and Astrid? That would be kind of interesting to see, if that was the case. Lastly, lots of what Kosmo said during his little "episode" of timeblind-ness sounded vaguely familiar. Anyone know / remember what character has said something similar previously? I want to say Aaravos but I don't know if that's accurate.

Speaking of Aaravos... This is kind of out of sequence, but the cut from the pearl in the blanket to the pearl back in Katolis has me worried. Especially since we hear Aaravos talking as it happens. What could it mean???

(Also, side note, that moment draws an interesting parallel between Callum and Viren that might be worth talking about more in-depth...)

Turning to the Soren side of things... Can I take a moment to say that I really fucking hate Viren? He is a terrible father (and he's done all kinds of shitty things, but that's not the focus right now). I get that he is trying to do better, but he is just Not Helping. At all. Poor Soren is so distraught over everything! All because of Viren. Viren just needs to leave Soren alone and rot peacefully in his cell. Sorry that sounds aggressive. Did I mention I hate Viren?

Alright! I think that's everything for this episode! Into the next one! Things are picking up speed and getting more interesting, so hopefully my reviews should be coming faster.

[borzoilover69]

> BORZOI: READ HOMESTUCK LIKE ITS 2011 (PART 5)

We pick back up after [S] END OF ACT 6 INTERMISSION 1 (page 4390) with a fucking spectacular music number (Infinity mechanism - Thomas ferkol). I'm such a big fan of the beat that comes in when we get to see Jane looking out her window, you have no idea. Also I didn't cover the intermission because i didn't say much. I appreciate and love the beta kids and trolls but I just have more gears turning where the alpha kids are involved because they're not so clear cut and dry emotional wise as the betas. I'm pretty sure greater analysers than me have said all there needs to be said for the beta kids. All I have to add is this piece of dialog from 4359 that I liked:

KARKAT: ALRIGHT IF YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO GO KARKAT: JUST KARKAT: BE CAREFUL KARKAT: NO MORE POINTLESS BLOODSHED, OK? THAT'S AN ORDER! KARKAT: WAIT FUCK KARKAT: I'M NOT LEADER ANYMORE KARKAT: ROSE CAN YOU ORDER HER TO DO THAT? KARKAT: SAY WHAT I JUST SAID, REALLY ANGRILY KARKAT: ASSUMING YOU CAN EVEN BE ANGRY. ROSE: ...

I really love how clingy Karkat but also accepting of his friends decisions goes. It's one of his great points as a knight of blood, but it also leads to some pretty funny turnabouts as he contradicts himself and fights himself on it.

4394 GIRL LOOK OUT

4397 (call back to page 4107) Oh wait I've seen this before. That's neat.

4400: Get this shit outta the way. You're a busy bureaucrat. The clock is ticking, and time is dead kids.

Dead kids you say?

4405 Well dead kids it is. These scenes.. when i read these scenes.. with such shitty sketch lines.. in my mind I hear Buy Somethin Will Ya? from the Earthbound OST. Or Hi Hi Hi (Theme of Saturn Valley).

You should be pleased to know those nuts were super deadly! Though to be fair he doesn't know if he died from the poison, or just choked on a bunch of barely chewed peanut bits. You know what else is super deadly, you say? Knives. Sharp deadly knives you stick in people's soft torsos to make them bleed until they die.

He doesn't have anything to say to that.

Dude i love this guy like deadass him and his whimsical hats and umbrellas and whatnot. I think he's my fav besides DD.

4408

Lifey thing..

4413 IVE SEEN THIS BEFORE. HOLY SHIT!!(3220)

4419 I really like parallels in homestuck. They make the world go round, you could say, because you read things and dont feel as lost because in a way it's strikingly familiar! Which is what happens here.

4422 Oh hunny.. nobody understands how whimsical. Jane crocker is to me. Look at her. ooo. That's a face. :o. õoô She is the whimsy.

Nobody takes into account how many batshit things Jane sees and she hits them all with the ,':| ....

You guess you should feel grateful toward him for saving your life, but you know he's just as likely to rescue you from an explosion as he is to randomly teleport you across town, forcing you to call your dad and ask for a ride home, while you spend all day standing in some random field in the pouring rain while you wait hours for your dad to come and pick you up after he gets lost because he plugged the wrong place into google maps.

I really like the small bits of background we get about Jane too. Like this! Its such a nice scene. But it seems.. that uh oh! Guardian jumpscare.

He tells you to get inside this instant.

Goddamn. Now where have i seen this before.. 4430 referencing 212.

Except in this case, it's no case of magical happenstance gone awry with a server player losing internet, but a dad being.. a *tad* more serious than given with how you're so totally grounded. No wonder Jane is so stubborn!

As long as you just got done paying the piper, you might as well get busy eating all this goddamn crow. Oh so much of the stuff has gathered on your plate.

Eating the crow:  to admit that one was wrong or accept that one has been defeated.

paying the piper: bear the consequences of an action or activity that one has enjoyed.

These sayings are sooo cool too. Like I've never heard anyone use them but they're really neat!

[cock-ainee]

I fucking hate my father. I despise him. I hope he dies and leaves me, and my mom the fuck alone.

I hate how he makes me feel fucking worthless even though he's the one that ruins my whole life. From the beginning to start. I hate how for the most of my life, i felt like what he does to me is normal. That every kid is forbidden from watching stupid fucking tv (TOTALLY), that every kid gets yelled at and hit all the time. It was just a few years ago that i started realising that what he does is seriously fucked up. For me it's just another shitty day, but if someone "normal" knew what was going on their brain would fucking explode. It's been quite a lot of time since he's been regularly beating me up, but i don't know if what he does now isn't even worse. It's not like i take anything he says really to me, but it just frustrates me so much that i'm getting mentally abused even though i've done nothing wrong. His constant complaints about my weight (made by a bastard who's fucking obese) and hearing that i'm stupid, useless and other shit are driving me insane.

Lately my mom said something about my cousin passing the matura with 100% from math. It was during diner. What did that dick say??

"if (...) ate all this she'd pass that too"

Yeah??? Maybe i'd have a chance to pass with such a score if i studied, instead of overworking my ass off for nothing. Because nobody pays me here. They just demand i work 24/7 instead of giving any attention to school and still do good. It worked in primary school because i was just smart. But i'm in fucking high school, and i should study if i want to even just pass the fucking matura. But what can i do, when after i come back from school i immediately go to work, and when i actually get back home i'm exhausted?? Totally?? Even worse on days off of school. I sometimes overthink, thinking that I'll never get anywhere, i won't pass those stupid exams. And yk what?? Matura is useless on it's own. I'd have to go to college to actually get any job qualifications. But i'm not fucking planning to. I'm done with all this crap. And i wouldn't make it. I can't even talk to people, because i'm fucking afraid, how am i supposed to get a job.

And even if i get one, how am i supposed to last. My back hurts so fucking much already, and i'm always sore somehow. I've worked since i was a kid and that's already taking a toll on me. I'm worn out.

I don't even know how he can sleep peacefully, knowing he's ruined a person. That his own kid hates him. That his own kid wonders why she was even born, and what has she ever done to be born where she was. That his own kid wants to kill herself. I don't know how tf he doesn't feel guilty.

My older stepsis moved away as soon as she turned 18. She always hated me, because her and mom had to move to our house when mom got with my mother. I always hated her too, we were fighting a lot, but i guess she understood she's not the only one, and that i'm suffering exactly the same thing. We're on good terms with each other. At least that's good.

I want to leave, but i can't. I can't tell anyone about this, or there will be a huge drama, probably i'd get taken away from my family, and i don't want to be dependent on anybody, because as soon as i can i wanna get away as far as possible. I just need 2 fucking years, I'll be an adult and finish school if i'm lucky enough. If i pass this year. I probably would, if not for math. But my teacher is nice, i should be able to do something about it at least.

Do yall want to know who you're talking with though? You're talking with a person who slept outside, or snuck in trough the window because she's been to afraid to open the front door while walking into the house. With a person who hid from her father because he was angry. A girl who got judged for every single thing she did

When i see or hear other dads, who are supportive towards their kids i want to cry. I just wish i was born into a normal family, and felt loved.

(i'm putting that "for adults" thingy because i don't want my post to be immediately visible, like, i think what i just said was cringe but i needed to vent a lil even if nobody listens)

[ambiguousintentions]

4.9.2024 Reflection

Damn. It's been more than a year since I left education and half a year since I ditched my last set of friends (had to; they hurt me bad, and their texts were beginning to trigger anxiety attacks).

Sober for about 3 weeks now for an electrician apprenticeship I applied for. Couldn't do corporate- fuckers wanted to only give me a $1.50/hr raise after I reworked their entire operations system and developed SOPs for them. Making silly YouTube videos in the meanwhile, which is honestly so fun. If only it could be more lucrative though- then I'd truly be living.

Ever since I ditched my friends, I just keep trying to reflect on all the ways I'm shitty. Am I just too sensitive? Was I actually not a good friend? Was I not educated enough? Was I too offensive? Too snobbish? Not proactive enough? What could I have done to make them care about me more?

All of those are probably true to some degree, but it's hard to tell what degree. It's easy to feel like everything's your fault. My fault for getting too upset too easily, for not letting social issues go, for not knowing when to just chill. To be honest, I've kind of stopped trying to make friends. I just feel like I'm wasting everyone's time. Why bother when I know that I'm just 4th choice? I know you're barely enjoying this conversation; I'll release you from it. Sorry.

But today one of my students found the Gen Alpha rant video I made about 3-4 months ago, where I detailed about problems I saw in the education system. When I left education, I left my last high school once fall semester was over; admin had about a month to find a replacement for me, which I thought was reasonable enough time. The student who commented on my video yelled at me for leaving them and asked why I couldn't just suck it up, because they had an apathetic sub for the rest of the year. They said that I shouldn't blame my colleagues (cause I blamed them for playing movies all the time and literally letting the kids literally re-enact squid games instead of actually learning and doing work, which lead to a lot of shitty attitudes and behavior (and of course there were other criticisms but they agreed with those)) since they were probably experiencing the same stress I was experiencing. But they also said that my class was the only class they felt like they learned from.

I feel like crying. I feel strangely validated. Thanks; I didn't know you were actually learning from my class. I'm so happy to hear you learned. You're right though- I am weak. Sorry. I don't know how to fix that. I'm working on it, but I don't know how to do that faster. I don't know what I could possibly do now to fix my mistake of leaving. Am I your deadbeat dad???

I do that often I think. Sometimes people want to get to know me, but I've already decided we've got nothing in common. I don't want to bore them, and I wouldn't want them to bore me. So I give up before I give it an honest effort.

But it just has me thinking... how many times has this probably happened? I leave because I'm failing when in reality I'm not??? I leave because I feel myself getting increasingly bitter and frustrated and know that if I stay in that same place for too long, I'm going to blow up and do or say something I'll regret. It's just... it takes me so long to reflect on things. To figure out how I feel. I mean, fuck, I'm finally at a place where I feel like I COULD potentially have a conversation with one of my old friends without having an anxiety attack, but it's been 6 fucking months.

I feel like a mess. I've been repeatedly transforming myself for the last decade. I looked back on my posts from years ago, and I can't help but feel like I still harbor the same underlying issues. I feel like the wisdom I've gained over the years has helped me control the damage a bit better yet at the same time the collective damage is breaking me. I wonder when I'll be done transforming and finally settle into the form I've made for myself.

And yet. At the same time... when I look back at those posts... and see how upset I was ten years ago- similar to how upset I was in the past year-

I can't help but laugh and smile at the journey I've been on. Such a winding and long journey only to end up in the same psychological spot but in a different physical setting. Did I truly go anywhere? Is the whole point to do another cycle just so you can laugh all over again about the convoluted way you took just to arrive back in your haunted home of a body?

[willowlived]

still into you - day two | coffee

sponsored by my watching black friday and getting emotional at take me back and thinking Hm... What if? Something something happens / any universe, so no spoilers! no triggers just some angst at the beginning :)

Peter Spankoffski was the one thing that Stephanie Lauter never expected to find. He made a surprise entrance, and every kiss, every touch, every dance, every smile, every moment there after had been a surprise and a gift. Never before in any sort of romantic interaction been so... gentle and caring. Never before had she ever felt like she loved someone like she loved Pete, and never before had she regretted not realizing it sooner and saying it the moment she had.

The one thing that had not surprised Steph when it came to Pete was the full fucking ride that he had gotten to a nice as fuck school that was not too far from the one that Richie was going to. It was then that she knew - or really, that she is sure that the both of them knew, that they were on a timer.

It was her that broke up with him. Pete, she knew, with the utmost affection, would not want to but Steph knew that they had to, or she had to. The week after Honeyfest. He deserved so much better than anything in Hatchetfield and Stephanie, well... She was not getting out of there for awhile. She had to free him. She had to let him chase the better things. True or not, she felt like she might be holding him back if they held on. They both had cried, but they both understood and they both had promise to keep in touch. For a year they had done just that but it hurt like fuck, so texts and calls began to get more distance and here they were, another year later and all of her updates about Pete came from Ruth- the pair of them living together, Ruth going to community college while Steph was working at Beanies. it was like everything that she had ever dreamed about when she was younger- away from her dad. comfortable.

-The one thing that was missing was the only thing that had come into her life unexpectedly. Life got busy and she tried to move on. When shitty dates weren't filling her time, she worked, she budgeted, she and Ruth cooked dinners and almost set their little kitchen on fire. Life was good and she was beginning to find a pattern that she was settling into.

Until a familiar voice easily broke that pattern. An oddly busy day hit Beanies but Steph, thank god, was finally on her fucking break- a break that was cut short when Nora asked if she could stop early and make a quick hot chocolate for a customer. With hesistance and tired energy, she stood to her feet, about to apologize for the delay when the customer in question talks first.

" Stephanie Lauter? "

Now, it was not the first time that she ran into this- People from Hatchetfield High visiting or someone that recognized the former Mayor's only child all grown up. But that voice...

" Peter Spankoffski?! "

-There he was, practically looking the exact same, dressed in his usual signature nerdy look that maybe she teased about but god it really does look like him. In that moment, her breath caught in her throat, time is forgotten, her cup, her job, as Steph is moving out from behind the counter, to give him a big tight hug.

To her surprise, he laughs, perhaps from awkwardness, but he hugs her back after a mere moment of hesitation just as fucking tight.

" Nora I'm finishing my fifteen. " Is all she says as she lets go, and despite hearing the groan in her bosses voice, Steph lets go and all but drags Pete outside.

" What the actual fuck are you doing back here?" She laughs, standing back to look look at him, trying to find anything that has changed over the two years. " I am not missing a birthday, am I? Is it some holiday, because I sure as shit might have forgotten and I want time and a half. " He laughs at her joke and this bittersweet feeling fills her chest. It's good to hear that noise again. She's missed that laugh. She did not know just how bad until now, but fuck.

" No. No...." It still lines his voice, laughter lining his words and she finds herself smiling. " It's Ruth's opening night and you know, first time in a show show I wanted to- "

" Surprise her? " She finishes with him, the both of them laughing a little, more of an awkward sound, and Steph looks away, smile still lining as her lips. " Well she's going to flip in the best way possible. She's been so nervous but I know it will mean the world to see you there. And well.. between you and me, the show is pretty good too. "

It strikes then and there, this sudden quiet, awkward, distance, and they both are looking at each other in the eye before they let out this similar awkward chuckle and look away. Steph exhaling as she tried to think on what to say. Memories fill in her head. Times before. Things that were and were not. It was hard to focus on the now with it. But neither of them could move.

" Well if you need a place to stay-? "

" Oh no. It's okay. Rich came too, we're sharing a hotel for the weekend. "

A pause, again. Steph thinks that she ought to just turn around, say that she will see him tonight, but it's Pete who breaks it.

" But I would like to catch up. Preferably when your not at work. " He notes with a smile and blush tinted cheeks. "Maybe we will all hang out after the show, but would you maybe uh... want to get coffee or something tomorrow? "

Her eyebrows raised, her face flushes, and she gives him a questioning look, almost silently asking if he was sure. What she was met with was a smile, hopeful, nervous, but unquestioning and unwavering. Stephanie Lauter, hence, smiled.

" Yeah. I'd like that too. Starbucks at 10? "

" It's a date. " a pause. " Wait, no! No it's not a date. I mean- "

" It can be whatever you want." Steph shrugged, giving him a little bit of a wink. " It's.. just good to see you. "

" It's good to see you too. " he smiled, looking at her with a lingering glance before tilting. " but I do need my hot chocolate. "

" Yeah yeah yeah. " She says with a laugh, opening the door, this feeling of weightlessness, familar butterflies in her stomach as she smiles widely up at him. " You are still such a nerd Spankoffski. "

And again he smiled. His gaze lingered. And again those same fucking feelings she had when he asked her to homecoming danced inside of her chest. A weekend. Two days. That wasn't much time, but it felt like all the time in the world. Even if she thought she had moved on it was clear that she had not in the slightest-

And maybe, just maybe he might still be into her too.

[theinfinitedivides]

HELLO AGAIN 🙌🏻

was patiently waiting to see your takes on ktl ep 12 because lord what an episode that was.

i paused so much during the last scene just to take multiple deep breaths to prepare myself because istg i was literally dreading the whole thing. god, those maid outfits.. i can't.

the image of the plate breaking and sarang's heartbroken eyes are still so vivid in my mind, i literally cried the moment the episode ended because did i expect conflict and angst? yes. was i prepared for that? nope. not at all.

i feel like it hurts even more because we've had episode after episode of them being madly in love and now we see won seated at the table in his house being served by sarang in a maid outfit with the daughter of the other hotel's chairman sitting right next to him and we hear his dad say he wants them to get married within the year. like wow. that's just a stab to the heart.

absolutely can't wait to see how the rest of that situation plays out, but more than anything, i'm terrified about what's going to happen to sarang for breaking a plate because the manager kept mentioning how "the dream team" never makes mistakes and it's stressing me out.

on another note, that whole scene where sarang opened up about her mom to won at the sea was so beautiful. also, won's reaction to sarang telling him what she found out about his mother and giving him her picture.. i honestly couldn't quite figure out what won was feeling in that moment and don't think he did either. the way he was just so overwhelmed with emotions and had to walk away to look at the picture and process everything.

also, my heart broke for pyeonghwa. her backstory literally made my blood boil. WHO TF DO MEN THINK THEY ARE?

on a similar note, can daeul please take chorong and leave her husband and his shitty family. the amount of patience she has to tolerate the treatment they give her is insane. ofc that's easier said than done though and the heartbreaking reality is the stigma divorce has on women which shouldn't even be there in the first place.

lastly, hwaran. she surprises me every episode because somehow she manages to get worse and worse. terrible mother, terrible sister, full of greed, absolutely heartless, manipulative, cunning.. the list goes on. now she wants sangsik on her side too and i honestly can't predict this one but i'm putting my trust in sangsik. please do not let us down. 🙏🏻

no idea what's going to happen in this week's episodes but to everyone who complained about there being barely any plot in ktl what were you watching, first of all, and i hope you're happy because the drama is drama-ing rn. 😭

love how we're both having basically the exact same thoughts about all of the sh*t that went down over the weekend and now we get to pick it apart while still having somewhat of a meltdown, sksksksk. going to put this under a read more bc i don't know how much is going to be collapsed on the dash and i can almost guarantee that this will get longer than the last two asks i answered although i will try to avoid that, my apologies

i stand by my previous statement that bringing Sa Rang there to that specific meal as part of the Dream Team when the arranged marriage was going to come up was Hwa Ran's doing bc that overlapped too f*cking well to be a coincidence. she knew what that would do to Won, not only bc of his trauma but bc of the way he defended Sa Rang from the assemblyman (when he raised his voice at her *cough*) and she really came out here and said she'd milk that for all it was worth bc he handed that extra weakness to her and f*ck. she's one of the worst people in this series but hats off to her for going for the f*cking jugular and doing it well (and endangering Sa Rang's job in the process, bc hey what happens when you're part of a team that doesn't make mistakes and then you make a mistake? nothing good i'm assuming). i especially hate how this comes after they went to visit the sea and Sa Rang opens up to Won about her mom (and tells him about his own mom in the process, but we're getting there), bc we all know how much she has wanted to work at King Hotel, how much the memories of her mother are entangled with them. working at the hotel is like the causeway in the midst of the sea, the last connection she has where Won has none, and if this plate breaking is part of the catalyst excuse for Hwa Ran to try and force her out of the company (though i doubt that will be the only reason she'll use, we need something more substantial) it will be like the tide has returned and she is back at that beach, trying to go and see her mother, crying bc she is not able to, bc no wind turbine can bear the weight of her, and that will definitely f*ck me up more than anything else has so far. (writer-nim don't do that to me pls i don't think i'd be able to make it)

but Won. his dynamic with the memory of his mother flays me open and lays me out to dry and they really dug into that with the photo, bc the first thing i thought of when i saw his face (notice that we did not see hers clearly enough, that was a strategic choice; are they trying to say that he is a reflection of her in that as well, a la 'and they will recognize all the lines of your face / in the face of the daughter of the daughter of my daughter (son)'?) was Lucille Clifton's brilliant poem "oh antic God", seen below (screenshotted) and linked as well—

really and truly i can't pick any lines bc the whole thing applies (except for the part where she talks about her current age) and i hope you can see why, bc as much as he says he does not want to know anything about his mother i think something shifted when he took the photo from Sa Rang and he saw. Junho does so, so well here with all of the microexpressions, since that is what part of what makes the scene—there's a certain time where you think he could be angry, almost, at Sa Rang for going ahead when he told her he didn't want to but then she tells him that she does not want him to have regrets and he has to walk away from her. be careful or you'll end up like her, Hwa Ran said, unimportant and forgotten, but here is Sa Rang speaking of someone who remembers her, and she was good, and she was kind, and she was brave and beautiful and loved at least, and he doesn't know what to do with that information and we don't either. and so he steps forward, braces himself (i see this as a callback to his stance in ep 3 when he leaves the interview, bc i don't know why everything keeps coming back to that panic attack but i sincerely thought that the way things were going we would get his hands on his knees in the same way), and for a moment i looks like he is trying to say something, anything, lips parted, but there is no sound, no noise, only the single tear on his cheek, and God the camera cuts away from him—

i am trying to be very normal about this but uh. my brain is screaming 'COSMIA COSMIA COSMIA' (Joanna Newsom for the second time my beloved but this version too) interspersed with 'wish i knew / wish i knew the words to this one' and that's kind of complicating matters don't you think

as for Pyeong Hwa and Da Eul—ykw i think they deserve a little murder. they deserve to go batsh*t. just as a treat bc the men????? that they have consistently had in their lives????? no woman deserves that but especially not them. honestly i don't know who i want to go after first Pyeong Hwa's ex-boyfriend (#1 candidate for scum of the earth) or Da Eul's husband (ties for #1 candidate for scum of the earth and who also had the audacity to come out here with his ass and say she'd have bad karma come back on her bc she [rightly] complained about the invasion of privacy his family is perpetuating), but tell me when we decide on one bc i have the ammunition for it. wouldn't be surprised if that mf*cker is cheating on her too bc we did get a partial allusion to that in the earlier half of the series, albeit it could just be him choosing his work associates over his own family and not necessarily having a woman on the side. either way this sh*t needs to stop and i 100% support Da Eul taking Cho Rong and leaving. f*ck divorce stereotypes all my homies hate divorce stereotypes just make sure his ass pays that child support

and now for a bit of Hwa Ran character study to round this off (yay for me i actually followed the outline you set out in your ask asfdgjnlcisdwbkkq). as we continue to observe her and the way she interacts with her father, her half-brother, her husband (who is desperately trying to become her ex) and her son, i feel like the screenwriters are pushing the narrative that even if she is a horrible person she, too, is a victim of the system. and i get why they would do that, bc they do have a point. i touched on it briefly in the tags of this reblog, but i think there's a part of her that is doing these things in regards to the company bc she thinks she knows best. she believes that this is the way to not become irrelevant, not to stoop to the level of her father and her brother in becoming so sentimental at times they lose sight of the real goal (in her view, both times it has been bc of a woman). she puts herself out there so she can have power, since such a inbred, patriarchal society does not listen to you otherwise, and in return she is sacrificing her relationships. and even then, she still thinks that there is no other way to do this and survive. she has convinced herself of this, of so many things, that it has become a part of her, so the minute it looks like she is about to lose her control she looks for the closest thing within her grasp to regain. here, with the inheritance fight, it is the King Group and her leash on Won, and Sang Sik, bright eyed and ambitious as he is, looks like an extension of that leash to her. (after all, didn't he say he's the only one who can handle Won?) considering that Sang Sik has been by Won's side since they met, however, i don't believe he'll switch sides, but more that he'll weigh his options and play double agent in the process since they have spent basically the entire series showing us where his loyalties actually lie (and which she underestimates). tl;dr, Hwa Ran's personal arc is somewhere between Who Are You, Really? by Mikky Ekko, Spite by Vandaveer and Blood // Water by The Neighbourhood, and if they take her the way i think they're taking her (read: she spirals) then she's pretty much f*cked as a result

i am biting my nails rn with regards to the upcoming eps bc hey!!!! this threat of my OTP falling apart for fifteen seconds isn't the plot i asked for!!!!!! i don't need this kind of anxiety i decided against watching Revenant live bc of that!!!!!! just praying we get through with minimal damage that's all i can say

[altschmerzes]

Ok so I love your work (started watching 911 so I could read more of your fics lol), and I completely agree and empathize with every one of your posts about how the show has handles Jamie’s arc. This may be a bit messy but! Here we go,,

My dad is also shitty, like Jamie’s, and my mom has done so so much to protect me from that, again, like Jamie’s. I don’t talk to my dad anymore and probably never will and I certainly haven’t forgiven him and probably never will. The past couple episode really did a wee number on me (read: had a lil break down, we’re totally good tho ahahaha 😬👍) and led my mom and i to have some difficult conversations about forgiveness and the role it does or doesn’t play in our healing and growth and what not. And to put it short, the space you cultivate here on tumblr was really really helpful for me, both in processing and identifying why the episodes hurt and also in being able to verbalize and communicate it with my loved ones. Being so vulnerable is hard and sucky and I know you’ve gotten shitty asks, and I’m really sorry for all that. So,, I just wanted to thank you for being so open and genuine on this lil website, and let u know it means a lot

(on a lighter note i am so excited for like ever ted fic u are working on—the kid fic, the same story, this new fix-it—just ahhhhhhhh can’t wait!)

ahhhhhh man i am so flattered you like my work so much (i'm excited for those fics too!! been making a lot of progress with all of them and the 3x11 fic just hit 12k so full speed ahead on THAT) and i appreciate so much you taking the time and willingness to write this out and send it to me

those last couple episodes were rough for that, and i didn't have an easy time with them either. i'm so sorry you had to see that messaging for what i'm sure is the millionth time in your life - it's a horrible thing to be told over and over. but i'm also so glad you were able to communicate with the people in your life about it and that i could play even a little part in helping that happen and giving you space where those feelings are validated and you aren't alone in them is just.... man <3 i'm really glad that my choice to be open about my feelings on that stuff and why has meant something to somebody. you're right, it's a scary and difficult thing to talk openly about some of the rougher stuff i've experienced, and i've had people say some shocking things to me because of it, but it's all completely worth it for this. thank YOU, seriously.

we're coming up very shortly on what's going to be the seventh anniversary of when i went no-contact with my father, which is something i needed to do for my own safety and peace of mind and heart, after an attempt at reconciliation that went badly for me. without personal and societal pressure from people i knew, broader culture, and a lot of media narratives, i never would've let him back into my life in the first place, because it sure wasn't what i wanted. and even now, the rest of my family - who have all decided to welcome him back into the fold despite some reprehensible shit that ruined my life - is on me regularly, trying to push me into reversing my decision and speaking to him again. i've been lectured about forgiveness a lot, and stuff like the stuff we just saw just. never helps. there is only ever one story about people like us, and it's always our abusers' happy ending. never a moment considering maybe ours might be different.

anyways. seriously. thank you for this. it means a lot to hear, more than i can say. i'm really proud of you for everything you've done to protect your peace and keep yourself safe and have a good, safe, happy life away from him. that shit is so, so hard, even without the world around us constantly trying to make it harder. so in case you don't hear it enough, because none of us ever do, i'm really, really proud of you.

[mymarifae]

1,10, 34, 16,17 and 40

I'm so so sorry if that's too much I just really like hearing you talk/reading your stuff

it's not too much at all omg!! feel free to ask all the questions you'd like ^^ 💗

1. What got you into project sekai?

my friend jewel :) he got into it like... around global release, i think. and had been posting about it and drawing art and i was like "i'm interested" but never got around to downloading it until one night after a sudden ER trip. because that sucked and i wanted game on my phone as a reward

10. What's a feature (or several) you want?

i'd kind of like a mode where you can practice specific parts of songs... i don't think this is necessarily practical or realistic but i still want it. playing through all of a song when the part i need practice on is like at the very end sucks so bad. also i want to be able to use stamps on the loading screen for co-op shows

... that's all i can think of agjdbfjd

16 done!

17. First 3* you pulled?

well idk what the actual first 3* i ever pulled was because i restarted both my en and jp accounts but

these 2 <3

already did 34!

40. A hot take?

cracks knuckles

kanada tenma is a bad headcanon and i need people to drop it

harumichi does not belong in the shitty parents squad with mafuyu's mom and shinei. hell i'd argue that shinei doesn't necessarily belong there either but i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really do not like shinei so i'm not going to defend him. like agkdjgbf prsk fans are so bad at handling nuance like yes harumichi abused toya - but toya has chosen to forgive him and wants him in his life. despite it all he loves his dad and he knows that his dad loves him too. and this is a relationship he wants to keep and that's OKAY!!!! harumichi has seen the error of his ways and is making an effort to be a better, more accepting, open-minded father. parent-child relationships get fucking COMPLICATED and harumichi and toya's is a really realistic, really nicely written example of that complexity. i see a lot of myself and my mom in them - it's nice to have that represented. but it sucks to see the fandom just like refuse to understand it 😐

95% of the "siblings" headcanons in this fandom feel like a way to preserve mlm ships and make them seem like the only viable option. like you guys are taking every girl in the boys' lives and going "they're siblings!!!!!" so the only "reasonable" thing left to ship is akitoya and ruikasa. like i Swear To God people only get so so so defensive and forceful with headcanoning akito and an, akito and kohane, rui and nene, rui and emu, and emu and tsukasa as siblings because they feel threatened by the fact that these duos do have realistic, healthy romantic chemistry and they need to reinterpret it as something else lest their yaoi ship be tarnished. idk. the damage yaoi brain has done to our society is fascinating

on that note. from an objective standpoint. emurui and ruinene and emukasa have more canonical chemistry than ruikasa does it's just everyone gravitates to that because it's BoyxBoy. there i said it.

emu parallels mafuyu more than tsukasa ever will people just project emu's problems onto tsukasa because they'd rather think about a boy

an exists beyond liking kohane a lot like she has other friends and personality traits. and she's the farthest thing from a "mean lesbian" she's one of the sweetest characters in the game. she and akito are not wlw/mlm hostility. i'm tired of that joke being toted around because people are taking it as canon and they don't bother to understand their friendship as it actually is

ena is not a bad sister. if you're going to say that you have to say akito is a bad brother. like go on. do it. say it 😐 yeah no one wants to say That. "but she scratches him that makes her abusive" 1. not anymore 2. i don't think you have siblings. sometimes siblings fight and hurt each other it's not... god i hate it here. "she yells at him" he yells at her that's how siblings are sometimes. especially in Difficult Households. "she's mean to him" he's mean to her too bitch 😭 look back at what i just said. and while they're jerks to each other SOMETIMES they make a point to take care of each other and go out of their way to do nice things and they actively spend time together (if akito really did not want to go to cafes and the mall with her, he wouldn't go. he's bigger than her. she can't pick him up and drag him there. he whines about it but he does like to spend time with her. and she doesn't have to ask him either like. like. i think only children need to not speak on the dynamics of ena and akito's relationship.)

wxs has the worst music in the game. both covers and commissions wise. i'm so serious i'm tired of people saying that it's amazing just because they like the characters like come on stop lying to me and yourself. it's okay to say emu and tsukasa's vocal direction is FUCKED

the best music in the game is either more more jump or leo/need

mizuki isn't your agender neutral androgynous nonbinary icon. she's explicitly transfem. she's a trans girl.

[queersolarfandompage]

⚠️TW Vent⚠️ I don’t know what to warn for but it’s basically about being an autistic kid raised by a non autistic parent

My father unintentionally said something really shitty to me today. We were talking about my new job and the anxiety I had when he brought up I might have to shave for the job and the relief when the job told me I did not. The conversation continued about how I like my beard. It makes me feel masculine and handsome. My father disagreed saying my beard was patchy (which honestly it is) and it didn't make me handsome.

And here's where my brain splits. Knowing my father I know that's what he meant. He thinks the beard does not make me hands-on, not that he thinks I'm not handsome, but it is not because of the beard.

But what I hear is “You're not handsome.” Which sucks as someone who already has a plethora of issues with my body. It broke a piece of my self confidence which I've just started to gain.

We jokingly go back and forth with it. “My beard makes me handsome.” “No it doesn't.” “I am handsome.” “Think what you want.”

I don't know if my father considers me handsome. That thread of self-consciousness starts to spread and I convince myself he meant what he said.

I'd moved on and was saying good night to my stepmom, joking about how I'd asked my father to take me clothes shopping instead of her. After a bit of joking around I made a joke about not wanting to take my father anymore because he's mean to me. A joke I use a lot when something minor doesn't go my way. You won't let me rub glitter on you? God you're so mean to me. You don't play along with my games like I hoped you would? You're so mean to me. It's never a real issue when I say it, just a joking pout.

So my stepmom asks what my father had done, and I had to think on what “mean” things my father has done and still in a joking manor I tell my step mom about the beard discussion.

And she gets this look about her. God I just put my dad in the dog house. Because she heard the same thing I did, even though I explained it the way my father meant it. “He said my beard is patch and it doesn't make me attractive.”

I'm not really upset by the matter but I'm not fine with it either. I should explain to my dad how it sounds to me, but the fear of him agreeing stops me. I've also never been great with communicating how something makes me feel. Which is probably why my stepmom took the issue so strongly. But like I feel bad for getting my dad in trouble for it.

On the other hand my stepmom is probably the best thing that's happened to my father and me (not my older brother but he's a dick anyway.) Especially since an old therapist suggested I may have autism. Like as a kid food was the enemy. I had a very select group of food I would eat, like most children, but I wouldn't eat food that touched without a fight. I refused to mix food (like spaghetti noodles and tomato sauce.) if my father ever treated to leave me at the dinner table until I finished my plate is get comfortable and sleep there.

And I just think of a couple years ago when my dad and I got into a huge fight about spaghetti. My parents had a rule that I needed both pasta and tomato sauce on my plate, otherwise I'd just eat a plat of noodles. I'd accepted those terms and while never a lot, always made sure my plate had tomato sauce along with my pasta. After some time my father decided it was time I start mixing the two and that fight was bad. My father had threatened to blend all of my food together and have me drink it, and he tried to smack my mouth for back talking, but missed and gave me a bloody nose. Eventually my stepmom involved herself, because the fight had escalated too much, and started chewing my dad out. I was eating the food anyway. What did it matter if it was mixed or not? And since my father has never brought up the issue again.

I don’t believe my father is a bad guy, but he has ideas that don’t work with my brain. He thinks things should be a certain way and I didn’t fit that mold so he tried to teach it to me the best way he knew how to forcing me to bed to his ideas. And my stepmom has taught him that maybe that isn’t the best thing to do, and has helped him become more open and communicative.

Another little autistic thing my brain is thinking about is comfort clothing. Not like I’m wearing this because it’s comfy, but I’ve worn this same jacket for the last 8 weeks because it makes me not want to die. I remember my mother making me throw away one of my comfort shirts when I was younger because it no longer fit me, and it was a fight. Or I used to get comments about wearing the same thing for two days in a row or before and after a shower. And now with the McGill Sweater, nearly every moment I’m home I’m wearing it. It’s another thing that makes me feel attractive and it brings me so much joy. Neither of my parents have commented on how often I’m seen wearing it, and as long as it’s in the house and I’m keeping up on my hygiene it’s not too big an issue.

Anyway I love my stepmom. She is my favorite parent and both my biological parents know that. Rip little 9 year old me who believed in evil stepmothers and hated her for taking my mom’s place. Yeah we don’t always get along, but she cares about me like I was her own child and loves me as such.

[thefirsthogokage]

Criminal Minds 5x18:

'The Fight'

So, I think this is the episode that's the backdoor pilot for their first shitty spin off. Ugh. I should probably skip this. But then again, I probably have a lot to complain about...

Spoilers: Assume so.

Just fyi, the episode was worse than I remembered. So. Much. Worse.

Reactions/Commentary Below The Cut

God I'm not looking forward to this. I very distinctly remember Forest Whitaker did NOT know how to TV act. The overacting was STRONG. I do remember the first time I watched this, the previous time I had seen him he had weight a lot more.

Janeane Garofalo was fine though. Her character had a stupid name though.

I do feel bad it failed because the cast was done dirty through bad acting and writing.

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Forest is doing better than I remembered...so far. And he's so much younger in this than I remember.

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AHHH! That's right! Matt Ryan was in this! Poor guy keeps shaving shitty things happen to his show.

Oh, no, here comes the over acting. And not just from him, this woman, "Gina," too.

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Also, why tf would this serial killer kill transients AND father's and daughters?

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Oh, did they have too much music and stuff? That might have been another issue I had.

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Oh that's why the different types of victims, but god is this so complicated. It's literally straight up torture porn shit. Like, fanfic torture porn that's kind of fine in that medium, but not like this.

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This other guy in the red shirt, he usually plays bad guys. Happy for him he god a show, sorry it had to be this one.

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Cooper, Hotch probably has caller id. Seriously, what the fuck is with this crap. And the STAGING of everything is shit. Like, Hotch introducing himself while Cooper is actually closer? In what situation does that make sense? None. Like, I don't know if this is just writing issues, or directing issues.

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Oh my god, all the over acting. This mother/wife too.

Liking down, "oh my god," looks up, "you just got my family murdered."

WHAT THE GENUINE FUCK?! Is this acting direction or just all bad acting?

She is so BAD!

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The contrast between Whitaker and Gibson, movie actor and TV actor respectively, is so, so strong. Forest is way too strong, and Gibson, as deadpan as he plays it, comes off so much more of a person and less of an actor playing a part. And god I hate giving Gibson any degree of anything that sounds like a complement.

The pauses Whitaker makes are just so MOVIE and not human. Crap and I have like 30 min left of the episode.

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God I love Matt Ryan. I'm watching for him. I'm watching for him. I'm watching for him.

Over dramatic story though. But I love him. That poor, poor man.

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How do they know they are fighting each other? Jumping quickly to ideas. UGH.

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I do like the idea that Cooper has this odd team. But god, the execution was just calling for this to get the ax.

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I would be down for Matt Ryan's character and Prentiss getting together. That would have been fun.

Oooo, bring him back for Evolution Season Two! They need another male cast member, two vs. four just doesn't cut it. And Matt deserves the work.

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Ugh, I do NOT like this plot.

I don't even understand how Cooper made any connection between any of this at somepoint.

They are juggling too many cast members.

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Did Strauss just introduce herself by her full name, or did she really just say, "Agent Hotchner, Aaron Strauss?" Or did I miss hear that twice and she said "agent"? God that just. UGHHHHH

Just put Matt Ryan back on.

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I hate this episode, I hate the new people's acting (except Matt). I hate this. So much worse than I remember.

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Oh yes, the overacted, overdramatic Gina. Janeane replaced her, right?

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Smart girl. She saved her dad with the quick "not a liar too" bit. Though I am surprised she didn't do that sooner.

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Whitaker's posture with the gun, the hopping, geezus.

How would going to some random roof top help? Like, they didn't get away fast enough? He's gonna make the shot right? How did they get the chopper up that fast?

Oh, that's how the roof would help.

Thank goodness, just a few more minutes.

He's been hurting other people's daughters, why would he stop at this one?

He ...had a silencer? Is that legal? And of course that angle was bullshit.

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"Trust me it's not" "What'd you mean?" HAHA

Only good dialogue of the episode, that bit.

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God that was so bad. I'm surprised the IMDb rating isn't lower.

How could a casting director fuck up so bad to higher three over actors for one episode? And arguably the bad guy under acted.

UGGGGHHHH.