#i know i usually just post cosplays ive made but you do not have to make all your cosplays

[winterlilyarts]

Happy Pride month!! Mizuki cosplay for the occasion :)

🎀

Finally cosplayed Mizuki's first unit outfit! I was lucky enough to get an opportunity to get it for cheap secondhand and I am so happy I did!

[catscidr]

// taking care of your dogboy (hsr edition!) //

i. note — sry i havent been posting yall i got a job + ive been working on three cosplays at the same time bc my local con is coming up lmao (´ཀ`」 ∠) however the brainrot never stops. it only takes a break. a little break of approximatively. a month. ish. ......... anyways dog hybrid hsr boys brainrot !!! lmk if we want more of this with more boys •ᴗ• comments and asks are appreciated hehe ii. includes — blade, gepard, boothill and gn!reader iii. cw — slice of life stuff turning into smut, possessive behaviour, overstim, slight dom/sub dynamics, real messy stuff, manhandling. use of the word "hole" to keep reader gender neutral iv. wc — 1,9k

blade is a mutt riddled in scars and dirty bandages from living on the streets and fighting to survive.

you think he might be some german shepherd mix, but he refuses to let you swab his teeth n gums for a dna test (last time you tried you narrowly avoided a punch to the face. he apologized in his own way afterwards), so whenever people ask, just say he’s a rescue to avoid revealing that you actually just… don’t really know what breed he is. they usually drop the subject and simply go on their merry way, seeing as he wasn’t the type of pup to appreciate affection from strangers anyways– it’s rare for you to leave the house in the first place, though.

you had to switch to a remote job because blade is just so persistent when it comes to you. although possessive is a much better descriptor, because he doesn’t let anyone near you. whenever you leave to get groceries he ends up practically breathing down your neck from how close he gets— acting as if he were your literal shadow— glaring at everyone that gets too close to you. you’ve made it a habit to always go to self-checkout lane so blade doesn’t scare off the cashiers.

the second you get home he’s all over you, determined to rid you of that outside stench and replace it with his own. you started packing your grocery bags in a way that nothing will break if (read: when) you suddenly drop them on the floor, all because you’re so familiar with blade’s impatience.

he holds you still by engulfing your body with his, knees caging your hips as he grinds into you, shallow and deep. blade’s growls and huffs fill your ears just as much as his cock fills your hole, his knot kissing your tightness from the outside.

“do you like this? like how i have to fuck you every time you decide to go outside again when you could stay here,” with me blade omits, his tail swishing back and forth on the bedsheets behind him, the sound just barely grounding you to reality.

your grocery bags were long forgotten on the foor (as they usually are), your mind too foggy to function. clawing at the sheets, you try to crawl away from blade’s grip— to no avail.

he tuts, craning his head to bite down onto the skin where your shoulder meets your neck. “i might just need to mark you for extra precaution,” he bucks into you, knocking the air out of your lungs. you hear squelching, the constant plap! plap! plap! from his thighs smacking against your ass and whine, broken babbles leaving your kiss-bruised lips.

“b-blade, y’can’t- ah,” he shushes you by plugging you full of his lengthy cock, his knot almost threatening to press inside of you. you whimper, feeling lightheaded from a mix of both nervousness and arousal.

he soothes the hickey he left on your neck, licking it languidly as he stills to bask into the way your hole throbs around him. warm and tight and oh so tempting.

“shit, wanna fill you. wanna… have everyone know they can’t have you. you’re mine, mine to love ‘n mine to fuck,” you’re not lucid enough to process his thinly veiled confession, too busy writhing your ass back against him in a feeble attempt to get him to continue moving.

you might want to invest into some good concealer or into those skin coloured tattoo patches to cover the bruises and bite marks blade’ll leave on you if you want to continue being a functioning member of society. you can’t really be walking around in public as if a dog had just mauled you right before you left the house, can you?

gepard is a golden retriever because of COURSE he is. similarly to blade, he likes to invade your personal space a lot— not because he’s possessive, but because he’s extremely protective of you.

the random bruises you used to randomly notice on your body faded as soon as he came into your life. gepard’s soft, lingering touches healed them; gently placing a hand on your hip before you bump into sharp furniture so it doesn’t hit you, redirecting your head to his shoulder as you nod-off in the train before you bang your head, and so on.

it’s a full-time job and he’s working 24/7, always on the lookout for anything that could possibly hurt you as you saunter off… wherever, without a care in the world— because he took care of everything!

he would clean the apartment for you, cook (though you usually insist you do the cooking; a human doesn’t have the same taste in food as a hybrid), and even act as your own personal alarm clock. gone were the days of being woken up by loud, blaring beeping. gepard woke you up with forehead kisses instead, making your mornings much more pleasant.

but poor geppie, he’s always taking care of you; so take care of him, won’t you?

every so often you’ll sit in his lap to help him get rid of whatever stress he held in his body. your hands will knead at the muscles in his broad shoulders, all while you simultaneously kiss away the strain in his face. his brows are furrowed as you do your best to soothe his muscles; you never forget to smooch his cheek, nose and the corner of his lips.

though the attention and gentle acts of affection always ends with your hands lower than they should be.

“ah ah, no touching, remember?” you murmur in his ear playfully. you had been at it for what felt like hours; gepard’s cock and abdomen was smeared with the remnants of his cum, skin tacky from his previous loads. your hand shows no sign of stopping, not even when he begged oh so sweetly.

“c-come onn. just… jus’ wanna kiss…” and who were you to deny your sweet boy? your lips find his in a heartbeat, his tongue swiping over your own sloppily as he breathes you in like a depraved man.

the only condition you had when you did this was for him to keep his hands to himself— at least until you both decide to move on to something else. until then, his fists clench the sheets beneath the both of you, and his ears stay flat on his fluffy head.

“i’m… i’m close again, g- aah, please, please…!” he begs, cock weeping precum as you continuously jerk him off. you smile, absentmindedly rocking your hips to the rhythm you held him prisoner to— gepard was too engulfed in the warmth of your hand to notice, anyways. “cum whenever you want sweet boy,” you purr, and he keens as he buries his face in your neck, his hips lifting off the bed ever so slightly as they meet your hand and he thrusts, riding the high of his orgasm.

sticky cum coats your hand for the nth time; you relent your grip on his cock for his sake, instead choosing to shower him with chaste kisses all over his face. gepard whines, taking ahold of your waist weakly as he breathes into the crook of your neck.

“geppie, your han-“ he cuts you off, swiftly switching positions so you’re now laying on your back as he hovers over you, chest rising and falling quickly, catching his breath from the intensity of his orgasm. gepard’s tail wags slowly behind him as his hands creep up from your waist to your chest just as slowly- you feel his cock harden against your pelvis, precum spilling from his pinky tip.

“‘ts my turn now,” he huffs, leaning down to nip at your neck.

boothill is the most obnoxious dalmatian hybrid you’ve ever seen (not that you’ve seen many, or at all). but he’s made your life so fun so you can’t be too mad at him

he’s always dragging you out of bed to go do something— could be going to the park nearby or sit in the living room playing video games on your dusty console, it doesn’t matter because he’ll MAKE you step out of your cozy nest!!

you’re glad he’s friendly, because you’re not sure how you would handle such an excited hybrid when you left the house. people come up to the both of you to chat and he indulges their questions, essentially leading the conversation (while you stand there awkwardly, not knowing what to say).

boothill is also great with kids, unexpectedly. 9 times out of 10 when you go to the park he ends up playing with someone’s child, bright smile on his face as he messes up their hair with a rough hand. they’ll throw a frisbee for him to go catch and he’ll do it happily, or he’ll even… teach them how to beat people up.

(you stare mortified as he teaches a little girl how to throw a proper punch only for her to then punch her parent when she leaves boothill’s side. you go up to them and apologize profusely, forcing boothill to bow with you.)

he also loves to help you out, even though he’s not the greatest at household chores— but he definitely tries! though he is a stellar cook, which never fails to surprise you whenever he’s on dinner duty. he just… really sucks at everything else.

it’s… mostly because he just has so much energy. he sweeps the floor? nope, he’s picking off the pieces of the broom off of the floor because he accidentally broke it. he’s fixing your bed? nuh uh, you’re throwing out the ruined bedsheets because he accidentally tore them to shreds somehow.

so, with all of these accidents happening because he’s just brimming with energy 24/7, you started purposely exhausting him. or, rather, gave him the green light to exhaust you until he tires himself out.

“booth-aah, w-wait, you’re being too…!” you fall over on top of his hard chest, keening at the new angle his cock reached inside of you. he repeated his assault on the spot that made you see stars as your jaw gaped, broken moans leaving your lips.

“don’t tell me y’re tapping out.. haa, already!” boothill grunts, his grip on your hips tightening. he throws his head back with a loud moan, abs tensing as he nears yet another climax— the 5th one of the night. maybe, maybe not. you lost count after the third one.

you bury your face into the crook of his neck, focusing on the feeling of his cock plugging you full instead of the soreness, the burn in your muscles that came from your knees holding you up on his lap.

watching you riding him will always be his favourite thing in the world, even if he always ends up fucking up into you and taking back control at the end of the night.

“gonna cu-uum…” you whine, clenching around his length almost painfully tightly, hearing his breathing hitch as an orgasm is ripped out of him in consequence to yours. boothill’s fingers dig into your ass, his hips lifting off the bed as he cums deep inside of your sloppy hole again, sticky fluid building up beneath the sheets.

you collapse on top of him fully, chest heaving against his own as you come back to your senses, slowly but surely. boothill’s ears perk up, hearing how your breathing had evening out.

“so… got another round in ya?”

[sweetprfct]

Juliette Ferrars.

So, I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to fuel more drama in this fandom, but I think it's time for me to voice out my side of the story because I had enough. I cannot get peace around here without someone coming to me and letting me know that some people have been badmouthing me.

I honestly don't really care what you all think or do, but the fact that I can't seem to enjoy the things that I like, I think it's time for me to come in here and review the issues that has been going on.

I. Issues II. Bullying and Accusations III. Communication IV. Conclusion

I. Issues:

Cosplay/Face Claims. Cosplaying has been a part of my life for the last couple of years. Mostly, I do Marvel cosplay due to the fact that I am mostly in that fandom before. Since recently, I have found my Shatter Me Book from high school. Let me remind you, this book has existed in my high school life since I was 17. I am 27 now. That's 10 years I have known this series. This series were the only series I truly enjoyed. I actually never read any other book series but this one, only also because I'm not really a reader. I'm more into writing my own stories and expressing that art through photography.

So, let me be the one to clear this to you all: my Juliette Ferrars cosplay/face claim is not copied by anyone here in tumblr. This character has been a better part of my life since I was 17 and since I have been cosplaying other Marvel characters, I have decided to add Juliette into my list. (See figure 1, 2. and 3)

(figure 1) me as Yelena Belova. (figure 2) me as Wanda Maximoff

Fandom. I usually don't interact much in the Shatter Me fandom before but ever since I have met a few people because of the Aaron Warner fics I have been publishing, I have gotten to know this fandom a little better.

If everyone is so offended of me dressing up as Juliette and try to cosplay/face model as her character, then obviously you all don't know what cosplay is. (See figure 4). I do not have to give credit to anyone for me dressing up as Juliette Ferrars because one, no one invented that character but Tahereh Mafi herself. If I would give credit to anyone here, it would be the author herself. Two, face claiming/cosplaying/roleplaying a character has been around a long time in different fandoms.

Unless you have a copyright proof of owning the character or owning "cosplay," I do not owe anyone a credit. Just because you dress up as Juliette and roleplay/face claim as her, doesn't mean that you are the only who can do that. It also doesn't mean that you invented that. That is like saying no one can cosplay/face claim as Captain America because some man had done it first, or because they don't look like Chris Evans.

STOP policing the fandom and STOP acting like you're the only who can do it. You can literally check TikTok for people dressing up as Juliette and making videos. (see figure 3).

Also, I'm not the only one who has experienced this type of harassment. I know a few people who have received a message saying they're "copying" someone when all they literally do is dress up as the character from a book.

That is not a crime.

That is not yours to decide to take credit for because you didn't invented that in the first place. (see figure 5).

(figure 4).

(figure 5).

II. Bullying and Accusations:

Groupchat. A few people have come up to me saying there's a group chat that was made and certain people were talking vile things about me. Honestly, I don't really care about what you all do or say but really? Are you all really wasting your energy on one person that you all hate? Wasting your energy aiming posts about me? Is that what you like to do in your spare time? I guess if it helps you sleep at night....

Bullying. Stalking my account after I have blocked you is honestly a waste of energy but it's your choice what to do with your time. That's one thing, but body shaming me and taking it too far is something that's vile, disgusting and unacceptable.

I don't condone any form of bullying. I know my own insecurities and my own body and mind. The opinion of others doesn't define me and is not my business. However, as a reminder, I hope you all know that you may think you are having fun talking inadequate words about someone you literally don't know but at the end of the day, I hope you all know that your words reflects the person that you are.

Validation. This connects to the bullying on the above point. I am being accused of seeking validation because I decided to cosplay Juliette. From the beginning, I never expected anyone to even like my posts on instagram nor my tiktok videos. That's not in my control what other people do with their own accounts. I think that some of you need to start trying to figure out what that word actually means because from my end, I never try to stop anyone or judge anyone from dressing up as a character and face claim them (see figure 6). Again, this isn't the first time that someone has dressed up as a book/movie/tv/comic book character and face claims them.

Stalking my account after I have blocked you nor have I voiced out my concerns from the constant harassment and aimed posts... Who do you think is more insecure and need validation? Me or you?

(figure 6).

III. Communication.

Social Media. Online bullying isn't new in social media anymore. It has been going on for a while now and the toxic environment tend to fuel others to join just to feel validated and be on "trend." However, bullying and stalking someone, especially after you have been blocked is not "cool." It doesn't make you any better nor make you feel better on the inside. At the end of the day, you will be the one who will be left in your own thoughts and think about your actions you have made. Will this be really relevant in your life five to ten years from now? What is your end goal with this?

If you have a problem with me, message me privately and talk to me like a grown adult. Don't accuse and jump into conclusions with no solid proof on your end because that doesn't prove your justification of someone copying you or hating on someone that decided to cosplay Juliette.

IV. Conclusion.

Despite the fact that I hate fueling this drama more and having to say something, I don't have the bandwidth to still focus my attention to others who will hate on me. This is the first and last time I will talk about this. There is a block button that exists if you don't like my posts. There are many options for you to opt me out on your tl or for you page. If you have a problem with me, then reach out and talk to me normally like a grown adult instead of lashing out and stalking my account and pick on every little thing about me.

This blog isn't going to condone any bullying and harassment. I'm not going to deal with high school drama nor want to waste my time on it.

Thank you for taking your time to read this. Again, this is the first and last time I will talk about this. Anyone who comes up and says something to me in an adverse manner, I will block you immediately.

V. Appendix

Additions for Figure 1: - ig: yelenas.belova

Figure 3: list of people I know that also cosplay/uses their own face as Juliette. 1. mondaymermaids 2. dreamanddagger 3. emmelie.cosplays 4. analullabby 5. evenfall.court

Definitions:

Cosplay - the practice of dressing up as a character from a movie, book, or video game.

Seeking Validation - The desire to have someone else's approval or agreement with what you say, believe, or do.

Bullying - The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power.

Perceived Superiority - A belief that your abilities or accomplishments are somehow dramatically better than other people's.

[momojedi]

━ PINNED POST

This story happened long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

It is already over. Nothing can be done to change it.

It is a story of love and loss, brotherhood and betrayal, courage and sacrifice and the death of dreams. It is a story of the blurred line between our best and our worst.

It is the story of the end of an age.

A strange thing about stories…

Though this all happened so long ago and so far away that words cannot describe the time or the distance, it is also happening right now. Right here.

It is happening as you read these words.

This is how twenty-five millennia come to a close. Corruption and treachery have crushed a thousand years of peace. This is not just the end of a republic; night is falling on civilization itself.

This is the twilight of the Jedi.

The end starts now.

For my masterlist, please check this post here!

I. ABOUT ME II. RULES III. REQUESTS IV. TAGS V. SOCIAL MEDIA

Hello there! I'm Milo, or Momo, a 19-year-old freelance illustrator and writer from Germany. I'm a huge Star Wars fan and have been influenced by it as well as other scifi franchises ever since I was a little boy. I'm not very good at interacting with other people based on my interests or being social in general but I really wanted to change that, so I created this blog to share my love for Star Wars and its story on!

As many things, I too have a set of rules I'd like you to read through and respect, though I know I have little control over but then again, the block button isn't very far ;)

No real-life politics: Politics are an important subject in Star Wars considering it revolves a lot around, well, wars. However, this blog was made in order to be able to leave behind reality and escape into our beloved galaxy far, far away every once in a while and despite there being a lot of bad things in the world, I intend to keep it that way.

No bigotry/sexism/racism/etc. I'm aware that especially sexism is a huge problem in the Star Wars franchise and I'd like to make it very clear that I absolutely do not stand with that. I want my Jedi girls and trooper sisters to know, that they're loved and appreciated on here!

Be patient! As much as I'd rather be a cool Jedi, I'm afraid that I too have a busy schedule, especially considering I'm a physically disabled student who spends a lot of time either studying or going to various therapies. With that in mind, I'd very much appreciate it if you'd be a little patient with me when it comes to requests.

Regarding clonecest I'm aware that the topic of clonecest is a very heavily discussed topic in the fanbase. Despite me not being a shipper of such kind, I do not necessarily care whether you do interact with/enjoy it or not. Your interests don't matter to me as long as you don't harm anyone while acting upon them. (This however does not count for lolicon or anything alike.)

If you want to request something from me, please sent me an ask following this template:

Character Reader (gender, type, etc.) One-Shot or Headcanons? Prompt/Idea (can be a sentence, a scenario, etc.)

I write for the entirety of Star Wars, with an exception for minors where I only write platonic relationships.

I write all from fluff to angst to spice/light NSFW, except for full smut.

Usually my readers are gender-neutral but I'm willing to twist it a bit if that's what you're looking for

#my writing - everything I've written so far!

V. SOCIAL MEDIA

Ko-Fi: CONSIDER BUYING ME A COFFEE! AO3: WHERE ALL MY FICS CAN BE FOUND! ART BLOG: @thepaintingjedi (potential nsfw) OC LORE BLOG: @sw-waterguns COSPLAY BLOG: @mossplay

[localgardenweed]

Im in a constant war with myself on changing my persona cause i wanna get a haircut this summer cause little fact i have wavy/curly hair and i always struggle to maintain it cause i dont have the energy to brush it when its long and its hard for me to wash it properly cause im stupid as fuck so i wanna chop it Dora style maybe get some form of those curtain bangs of my dreams or like a thin block bang thing going on, o used to have a thick ass full one as a kid but it kept poking my face so we had to cut it. Which also sucks cause I HAVE A SENSITIVE FACE I used to cry if my parents put too much lotion on me at a time i have to be dry, my body is a dessert but my face wants to be soft so we had to do it in layers. For this im and constantly peer reviewed for autism by my autistic friends. Also on my hairline i have “baby” hairs and dude when you meet me irl or hell dig deep enough online or just ya know look thru a few of my tiktoks idk though if its noticeable but MY HAIR LIKE SHOOTS OUT ITS FORMABLE. I dont know how to describe it or hell take care of cause it wont stay down it always dries quick and sticks out after a few hours. The only way to tame it is by soaking it and shaping it cause like i made a Lupin Cosplay and i needed that hair tamed so i soaked it in water and conditioner and curled it around my fingers and let it dry and had to constantly rewet and recurl all day

IF I DONT DO SHIT TO IT I COME HOME FROM SCHOOL LOOKING LIKE THIS

ITS EMBARRASSING ITS AGONIZING ITS SHITTY WHY WHY WHYYYY When i was going into middle school i fully believed i was gonna start getting out right bullied for that but no i got a bit of that up and coming psychological bullying but i was so fucking stupid to notice and usually just didn’t get it or noticed it immediately and just pushed through. Victim of the Oreo Game ✊. Holy shit ive been getting so off track with this post BACK TO THE PERSONA THING. So yeah if i change it i wanna like shop off her hair go Dora Style OR a very tiny itty bitty ponytail. Maybe add more hairclips to her hair cause im getting back into those to calm the demon “baby” hairs, it kinda works it saves me from looking crazy at work but the issue is i weirdly have more hair on one side that the other so they always slip and slide and look uneven at the end of the shift. But in drawings that doesn’t have to happen!!! I like a-lot of star clips cause im a loser and gold cause il a gold gurly idc if it doesn’t make my skin tone or anything I DO WHAT I WANT, i was predestined gold with my earrings i basically popped out the womb with and i will stay gold IMMMA STAY GOLD JOHNNY PONYBOY STAYING GOLD. Also may give a her a new outfit cause shes had a new outfit the persona i have in my intro is a little old cause now she wears jeans and sneakers instead of sweatpants and combat boots which i still wear i live and breathe in sweatpants but my persona doesn’t have as much sensory issues so she gets to wear whatever. I can wear jeans jut not certain ones or i die and kill myself. I wanna experiment and maybe give her seasonal outfits too but idk i just UGHH i need her to be the epitome of swag. SWAGGGG swag.

[sunnybubblezzz]

SUCH A GOOD WEEK

okay well first of all i’ll start with just how great this weekend was. like UGHHESAHDH and then im just gonna say how grateful i am to God because woah im soo happy.

okay well first of all, DUHHH BIRTHDAY WEEK. i genuinely forgot this week was my birthday and MANNASND IM SO HAPPY. like i didnt get to do ALL the things i wanted for my birthday and i didnt get everything i wanted ofcofc but woah this week was amazing.

I GOT TO SEE THE HUNGER GAMES. THAT MOVIE WAS INCREDIBLE and i got to go with two of my close friends. i was really really sad bc i thought we wouldnt be able to go and i DOOO wish more of my friends were able to come with me.

BUT LIKE IT WAS SOOO GOOD AND I LOVE THE FRIENDS WHO CAME WITH ME.

you guys are never gonna see this but i loved that day and it brought me sm joy you have no idea. PLUS I GOT TO SEE SNOW???

my birthday day was eh BUTBUT EVERYONE SENT THEIR BIRTHDAY TEXTS TO ME AND I NO LIE GOT SOO HAPPY. i didnt expect all my friends to remember idk but they did and i was OVERJOYED.

THEN I GOT TO GO ICE SKATING FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY? it was SOOO nice and was SOO much fun plus that was an amazing time with my friends

and my friend gave me a birthday gift..

I LEGIT SHED TEARS (okay not in front of her but still) LIKE I CANNOT. it was only one person but man sometimes i forget how good it feels to get a gift from someone.

like… im always the one giving gifts but it really really touched my heart to get one from her and I LOVE HER SM AND I CANTTT IT MADE MY DAY.

i love you i really do.

then ofc i saw one of my closest(?) friends (and i lowkey felt we were drifting apart) like FOUR TIMES THIS WEEK BACK TO BACK. okay okay trust me thats a lot for us 💀.

we went to the mall together which was lowkey weird bc she never asks me to hang out like that. AND I GOT THE PERFECTT DRESS LIKE I LOVE IT SMM??

then WE WENT TO THE GENSHIN CONCERT

moment of silence for just how GRATEFUL I AMMM.

i love you SMMSMM for getting me tickets like the opportunity of a lifetime?? ngl i lowkey was kinda mad bc the friend we took wasnt as grateful as i felt she should have been… thats how grateful i was like “how can someone not thank this girlie with all her might”

it was a WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE and im only sad that one of out other friends couldnt go.

I WAS JUST

AHSDHASHDHSDHHS

IT WAS SO GOOOD

okay and now for one of my favorite moments..

okay so we were taking pics with some of the cosplayers and then this other cosplayer talks behind us… i look behind me, look at her cosplay and immediately say, “YING?” AND SHE SAYS YES???

like in the car we were looking at twitter for who’s going and was AMAZED that ying was and hoped we get to see her. I DID NOT EXPECT US TO?

LIKE I JUST RECOGNIZED HER FROM HER VOICE. the last time i listened to this girls voice was months ago but SHHH that’s unimportant.

what ISSS IMPORTANT IS THAT I SAW HER, FANGIRLED OVER HER, SHE CALLED ME PRETTY, THEN I WAS JUST OVERJOYED.

THENNN I WENT HOME, POSTED THE INTERACTION ON TWITTER, AND SHE SAID SHE REMMBERED ME.. HELLO??

LIKE WHY ARE SO MUCH GOOD STUFF HAPPENING TO ME ITS NOT ADDING UP.

i wouldnt call myself an unlucky person (luck isn’t real). but i will say that a lot of unfortunate things happen to me usually and ive just learned to go with the flow. but idk im just just so HAPPY and so GRATEFUL and and im scared that it’ll all get ruined when i wake up but man cant i live in this moment of happiness forever?

then today was just such an amazing day like such a great end to my birthday week i just. im just.

anyway to end it off, one of my friends from a while ago texted me asking if i ever drew this picture for this girl named sarah.. it took a sec, but i recognized the drawing and remembered.

I WAS IN SHOCK IT WAS A LITTLE BIRTHDAY DRAWING I DREW FOR THIS GIRL LIKE YEARSSSSSSS AGO?

she said she really loved it sm, kept it for years, and that i was super nice.

OKAY LIKE I CANT BELIEVE SHE KNOWS THAT ONE OF MY FRIENDS FIRSTLY. BUT SECONDLY WHAT?? LIKE IM JUST FROZEN WITH JOY SHE KEPT MY DRAWING FOR YEARS? not a rip in sight…

its just SO encouraging and so so idek im just so happy.

then to end it off, the artist WHO WAS MY MOST LISTENED TO ARTIST OF 2024 WITH 2,000+ MINUTES OF LISTENING??? SAID SHE WOULD POST MY SKETCHBOOK SPREAD (inspired by her music) ON HER STORY WHEN I FINISHED IT?

i

i love you God so much.

just i was feeling so down this past idek month or more because i just have such idek its just so much things happen to me and i just have to go along with it and not let it phase me. i feel so much emotions but none of them bring me down yknow? like i have to be happy and i dont FEEL happy…

but this.

this week makes me feel like God loves me and all of these things happened because of Him. I love him and I love all my friends, I really do love all of you guys.

some of you guys DOO get on my nerves, some of you guys ARE confusing, some of you guys are kinda weird, and i do feel like i love some of you more then you love me.. but in the end you guys are my friends. i love you guys.

and i love you God. I love you for everything you do and I dont know why you love me but I’m sososo happy you do. no one will ever love me like you do. thank you for always being there for me. i love you.

and so we end this. i KNOW that ill cry bc of sadness again (probably in the near future ngl) and I KNOWW that this happy feeling wont last. but for right now im gonna treasure it… please ANDDD thank you.

happy birthday to me.

[halfmoonshines]

hello i have returned to request ♥️ ! i loved the steven and marc headcanons you did last time (i have the post saved in my drafts i go back and read it all the time-) and id literally die for you if you did more headcanons for them-

thank you ! i love your blog + everything you post, you seem really cool :D - @moonkn1ghts

and ive copy + pasted the same information from last time because nothing has changed and i dont really want to type all of it out again, hopefully thats okay-

---

im 5'0, brown hair + brown eyes, ridiculously pale, and i mainly wear oversized hoodies + jeans, occasionally flannel but really just anything comfortable. i always have my nails painted black and i rarely wear makeup, but when i do its usually just eyeliner vaguely inspired buy The Batman.

im definitely an introvert, and naturally quiet enough that people have literally forgotten that i was even in the room. but if i know someone really well and im comfortable around them i can get really talkative - especially if its a topic im passionate about. im also not a fan of a lot of touching or physical affection, but if i really know/trust the person then im usually more okay with it. i get emotionally attached to animals and objects shaped like animals very easily and i have literally the worst sleep schedule.

im really into dungeons and dragons right now, but i also play a lot of minecraft and some other video games. i enjoy cosplay/sewing, though im not great at it yet. i also like reading and watching shows/movies and then having very strong opinions about what ive read/watched recently. im also attempting to learn guitar at the moment, but its not going very well.

ALRIGHT LETS GET IT

My chronic back pain is really kicking my ass today

- fun fact; Marc knows how to play guitar. In the military when you’re on missions, times can get long. One of the locals had a box string and he never went back so he’s more than happy to give you some lessons

- Steven and you sitting down on a Wednesday night for you to teach him D&D. He absolutely loves the process of making a character and has said he’s going to ‘roll to seduce’ you as much as he can

Also roll to pet any animal

- you and Steven sitting on the living room couch, you nestled between his legs and you’re both just reading. It’s 4am

- Marc definitely pulls to the front to demand you get some rest, but not before he gets some snuggles too

- Marc notices you eyeing the new sweatshirt he got so he wears it for just long enough for it to have his smell and puts it on you

“Yours now, baby.”

- you found a stray kitten and brought it home (shocker) Steven was immediately ecstatic especially since it made you happy but Marc took some talking to get him to agree (now him and the cat cuddle)

- Marc likes to carry you to bed when you get tired; no objections, he likes the action

- Steven just sitting and watching you sew for an hour, a dreamy look on his face because he’s always impressed by everything you do

Hope you liked!!!

check out my pinned post for cool stuff!

[cosplayspacepirate]

Tag Game!

I was tagged by @kanzukikarin , I’m sorry it took me so long to do this! Thank you for tagging me sweetheart!

1. why did you choose your url?

When I first made my blog I was way more active in cosplaying and also at the same time I was obsessed with an anime about lesbian space pirates so I just combined the name and that what ive been using on pretty much any social media site.

2. any sideblogs?

I have a post pinned on my blog that lists the names of each blog but i do have a couple of side blogs tho the most active ones im on are my kpop side blog and a blog i have for darker aesthics/occasional venting. (Though I try hard not to vent much cus i know it can trigger others. Everthing is always tagged of course)

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

 About 7 Years.

4. do you have a queue tag?

Yes everything under the tag ‘fak queue’ is queued.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

 I honestly dont remember I’m pretty sure it was because my friends all had one and we all liked similar things. Plus I wasn’t very active on other social media site.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

 I just thought it was very pretty and i felt like i needed a fresh change from the usual icons i use.

7. why did you choose your header?

 Again I think it was just to match with my icon in a way that i thought looked aesthetically pleasing.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

 Most definitely some meme about homestuck that i made.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

  93

10. how many followers do you have?

 1,160 (thank you all for putting up with me lol)

11. how many people do you follow?

 601 but I just when through and unfollowed some dead blogs.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

 Oh definitely I was a homestuck 

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I’d say that i open the app at least once a day unless life gets really busy.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

 I mean yes and no I’ve had fights or arguments with friends that i know in my personal life but not someone I’ve never met before or really dont know.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

 I think they’re kinda stupid just because it causes some people a dumb amount of unnecessarily anxiety. My self included of course.

16. do you like tag games?

 I really do like tag games its just I have trouble filling them out on my phone sometimes since i work all the time and i type faster on my laptop. Which is usually why im so late to fill them out. (Please forgive me mutuals!)

17. do you like ask games?

 I love ask games but I feel like im not interesting enough to get any asks so I usually dont do them much.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

 There are quite a few that I wonder how the hell they’re following me tbh.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

 I have like those dumb ‘i want to be your friend’ crushes on my mutuals.

20. tags?

 I tag @echoooohce @friendly-jester @yoonjunghan @angel-type @kisskisskawaii @ichigo-sundae @moonfairyrose @paladinsheart @crochetlesbian @red-skady @bigsoftloser

 Only do it if you want~

[madisonrooney]

hi it's your secret santa! first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i hope you have a wonderful day! how are you celebrating, if you are at all? safely, i hope! either way i hope you manage to find a way to have a great day full of love!! consider my christmas gift a belated birthday gift as well lol. anyway i loved reading your last answer, it was so thoughtful and sweet. i realized after reading that i barely know anything about dove lol so follow up q: what about dove makes you love her so much?

sorry for the late response! the last couple days have been v busy and ive been super tired and dissociative on top of it so i made a point to save this bc i wanted to give it my full attention!

first of all thank you!! i was going to do a virtual meet and greet with one of my favs from jersey boys but he got confused about timezones so we rescheduled but were doing it next week! then i went to a virtual walt disney family museum panel, had pizza for dinner and watched some liv and maddie, my mom made a cookie cake that we ate while watching the grinch musical, and then some friends and i watched the jersey boys movie together over skype!

im so glad you enjoyed reading my last answer! and oof thats another loaded question (i love it tho)

- like i said when first talking about what drew me to her and liv and maddie, a big thing is just how much passion and love she puts into her characters. ofc she puts passion into every character she plays, but its the passion she puts into characters like liv, maddie, and mal that means the most to me. that goes back to the fact that ive dealt with a lot of negativity directed towards me for enjoying disney channel, and then you have dove out here saying “yah im a teenager/twenty-something who not only respects what theyre doing on disney channel, but puts my all into it” not to mention she even won an emmy for playing liv and maddie in season 4! i hope that passion and talent has started to change the conversation about disney channel, and tbh i think it has at least a bit.  ofc, none of this is to say other people her age acting on disney channel arent talented and passionate, but idk, something about her has always stood out to me. i find her to be more animated and expressive than most. it can be hard for me to read emotions in live action movies and shows, so thats been really important for me. not to mention she was not only playing the lead but TWO lead characters on a four season show with distinct personalities but also subtle similarities. AND the main character in the biggest DCOM franchise in years for 5 years running now. PLUS the fact that there was a period where those were both happening at the same time. she was only 16 when she started all this and hadnt even had any big roles prior to it!! she had a lot of responsibility so it was amazing to see her not only pull it off, but excel at it.

- i just love like....her aesthetic?? shes always seemed to be a very old soul to me, into old jazz music and poetry and stuff like that. its just very charming. and for her to have that aesthetic on top of being a disney channel actress is a fascinating juxtaposition.

- this is kind of sappy and it gets tiring to hear it said over and over again but that doesnt mean it isnt true: i love how transparent she is about her struggles with mental health issues, trauma, and such. she has been for a long time but even more so over the last year or two. no shade to anyone else, but a lot of actors dont really give you a look into their personal lives, they just share and promote their product. im not saying theres anything wrong with that, its good to know what youre comfortable sharing, ive just felt all the more close to her with her being as open as she is, especially as someone who has gone through trauma myself, albeit different from hers.

- kind of connected to that, i love how important spreading kindness, positivity, and love is to her. thats another thing thats been said a million times but still, its very important to me.

for example. she’ll randomly tweet things like “i love you” a lot. im one to always think of the thought process that goes on behind whatever someone posts, texts, etc., bc personally i put a lot of a thought into pretty much anything i say or do before i put it out there publicly, probably bc of my social anxiety. even tho its a simple statement and takes her a couple seconds to post, she still had to have the thought “i want to remind my fans that theyre loved” or something along those lines. and she has this thought FREQUENTLY. to just randomly get a notification every few days or weeks or so of her saying something like that is just very heartwarming to me.

the reason i connected with miley so much when she helped me through my initial trauma was bc it felt like even if no one loved me, she loves her fans, thus she loves me. thus the person i love and admire the most loves me. even if its only one person, it can be enough. it was for me at the time. i feel that same way with dove. when she came into my life, i didn’t feel as unloved, but her love was still helpful to me.

- of course i need to specifically talk about her kindness in person too. dont get me wrong (ive been saying that a lot havent i lol), i totally and completely loved her long before i met her, but naturally, i love her 10x more after the experiences ive had getting to know her in person.

i could go ONNNNNNN about the experiences ive had with her, and i have lol, and if you already heard me ramble about this in the server i apologize, but the most important thing ive taken away from every encounter ive had with her is this: she always goes the extra mile. she always goes out of her way to make people feel special. what i mean by that is she could say/do HALF as much as she has when meeting me and i would still leave over the moon feeling loved. you can tell she does this in excess bc she really truly means it and cares about people like me, she doesnt have any kind of ulterior motive and isnt just going through the motions doing whats asked of her, she simply cares about me and the rest of her fans. some examples - the first time we met, i was sobbing (lol) and she hugged me for a really long time, rocking me back and forth, brushing my hair with her thumb, calling me sweetheart and honey. she even started to tear up a bit herself. - a couple months later, i went to my first liv and maddie taping. i was preparing to reintroduce myself (i looked a little different bc id been cosplaying as maddie the first time i met her) and ofc when preparing myself, i fantasized pretty heavily as i usually do and pictured myself showing her the pic of us on my phone, her gasping, jumping out of her chair screaming, and hugging me, thinking that was probably way more than i was gonna get. that is EXACTLY what happened. then she went on to tell me how my costume made her whole weekend. things like this would continue to happen where i would set the bar impossibly high and not only would she meet it but she’d exceed it. - our usual interaction from there on would start with her face lighting up when she saw me, her calling me some kind of cute name like love or baby, and then hugging me without me even having to initiate it. - when i saw her in mamma mia, i didnt know when id be seeing her again afterwards after pretty consistently getting to see her for 2 years, so i wanted to make sure we got some kind of closure. at the stage door, i reminded her how much she meant to me and just expected like an “aww i love you too” or something back, but she said “you are an angel in my life” and i will never forget that. obvs, i havent told her ALL the details about what she and her characters mean to me but like...she can tell. she can tell if im in a homemade maddie costume sobbing into her arms that theres something there, and shes VERY appreciative of that. - i thankfully got to see her at a meet and greet a few months later and every time i thought i should get going cuz i didnt want to hold the line up, she would just open her arms for another hug. speaking of being appreciative, she even said “thank you for being such a supportive fan.” as i left, i turned around to say one last goodbye. i made sure she wasnt with the next fan yet and yelled out “bye!” and she yelled back “I LOVE YOU!!” and blew me a kiss. again, its the little things. - i saw her at a small panel in new york a few months after that. she walked in the room when the lights were down as they were playing a clip, she quietly waved hi to everyone, then saw me and loudly whispered HI BABY!!! and stopped on her way to the stage to give me a hug. (then she looked at me from the stage and asked which way i thought she should cross her legs for the interview lol) - sometimes when she sees im next in line, shell give me a knowing smile or whisper “hi baby!!” or something like that. she saw me in the crowd after clueless and seemed to make a point to come to me last bc she knew wed be talking for a while, which we did. she even told me she’d seen me in the audience, asking if i was in the front on the left, which i was.

even all that is still just scratching the surface. weve “known” each other for 5 years now and every time i think she’s done the most she can do, she outdoes herself again. not to mention when im at these events, i see her treat all the fans she meets with all of that kindness too. naturally all of this has made me love her all the more.

- finally, lets just be honest here..........................shes REALLY fucking hot.

[weirdlizard26]

For the ask meme? All of them.

jay,,,

give me a sec to edit this post ok

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

wine glasses are like reading glasses except you wear them while drinking wine

i’d say water bottles but only the ones that can handle heat and stuff and not poison your drink with plastic or whatever

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

i havent had a lollipop in a good while so thats my choice

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

havent tried either but boy i’d love to try just a little bit of cotton candy at leastonce

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

bro,,,,,, that was like 10 years ago, how am i supposed to remember that,,,,,,,

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

i usually drink soda from plastic cups but honestly? nothing beats the experience of sipping that sweet sweet ambrosia from the bottle,,, but also i’d love to try soda in a can some day!

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

idk what half of these would look like but sportswear always wins in my book

7. earbuds or headphones?

ok i actually googled whats the difference and im more of an earbuds person! theyrejust safer i think and it makes me kinda anxious when im home listening tomusic and cant hear anything going on around me

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows! well, unless the episodes are like 40 minutes or a full hour because its hard to focus for that long kfjsndkfs

9. favorite smell in the summer?

pavement after rain and also. grass.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

haha thats a funny joke you made there *starts crying*

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

just a couple of meat+cheese+mayo sandwiches! if its summer mom cuts tomatoes or cucumbers for us and as they start getting more and more expensive we replace them with pickles!

12. name of your favorite playlist?

sorry i couldnt choose!

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

aaaa i love fruit flavored ones!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

aaaaaaaa i dont remember if it was elementary or middle school but we were assigned this really cool ukrainian book that ive actually read before they assigned it. well, nobody here will recognize it but it was Тореадори з Васюківки by Всеволод Нестайко and it was about 2 boys who were best friends growing up in the countryside and they went on adventures and had fun and their friendship made me so happy,,, i guess i was all for cool friendship portrayal even back then! it was mostly laughs and jokes but some moments were actually serious and hit me really hard and i remember them to this day actually

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

its a myth, sitting was created as a personal attack on me

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

my trusty old sneakers!! theyre all black and the sole is very soft and nice

18. ideal weather?

when the sun is out and its just warm enough to show off your new graphic tee and also very soft and nice

19. sleeping position?

i just lie on my left side like a fool

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

notebook!

21. obsession from childhood?

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!! AND DANNY PHANTOM!!!! i even made a ghost fighting costume once,,,, tho it wasnt much of a costume, it was just fingerless gloves i cut out of paper. they were extremely uncomfortable. but very effective in fighting ghosts!

22. role model?

kfjsdnfk i have a bunch! might sound weird but one of them is bdg i think??? and the other 2 are some online acquaintances whom im too afraid to interact with more often than i do

23. strange habits?

repeating silly lines i hear on tv / in anime/cartoons? and also i never touch food with my right hand unless its plums?? and there are more but. you know. bad memory.

24. favorite crystal?

all of them!!!!!

25. first song you remember hearing?

my grandma used to sing this to me over the phone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUPnqqPXQsw

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

go for a walk!

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

slep

28. five songs to describe you?

we are the people by empire of the sun

home by cavetown

strawberry blonde by mitski

smile like you mean it by the killers

afterlife by arcade fire

29. best way to bond with you?

wash your hands very thoroughly and make jokes

30. places that you find sacred?

i see nature i go crazy from how much respect i have for it

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass andtake names?

*wearing hinata cosplay* im here to play volleyball and kick your ass and as you can see ive already played today’s match

32. top five favorite vines?

road work ahead

a avocado!! thanks!!!!!

REBECCA THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK

i fell can you help me :(

that vine where ukulele sounds like human voices and people sounds like ukuleles

33. most used phrase in your phone?

idk how to check that??? sowwy

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

the stomach meds ad they keep showing on tv

35. average time you fall asleep?

3am? 4am? idk for sure

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

t-trollface…

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

havent used either (cause ive never traveled anywhere too far away) but the latter looks pretty and i feel like it would fit more stuff

38. lemonade or tea?

depends on my mood!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

dont kick me but im not sure if ive ever tried either ;w;

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

the school’s cat who hates most people actually kinda warmed up to me even tho im terrible with animals

41. last person you texted?

jay uwu

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

afabs cant have both huh

but i want both. please give me both.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

all of these sound nice but my lazy ass will always go for hoodies

44. favorite scent for soap?

aaaaaaaa im allergic to a lot of soaps but i like flower scented ones

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

i love all of them dearly but lately ive been more into superheroes i think. im not sure really sure what exactly i feel

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

something really really long

47. favorite type of cheese?

there are different types????

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

i hope im a pear

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

become a good person. thats all.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i dont remember what it was but i remember i was with my friends and we couldnt stop laughing for several minutes and ive never felt happier

51. current stresses?

UNIVERSITY FUCK OFF!!!

52. favorite font?

i like comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

they arent doing so hot tbh, my dermatitis is back again

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i dont have one!

55. favorite fairy tale?

gonna be honest chief, i dont remember too many of them ;w;

56. favorite tradition?

on new year’s we turn the lights off, light up a candle in the kitchen, laugh at president’s speech and only then starts eating

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

getting over a lost friendship, passing high school finals and uni entrance exams and coming out to my best friend

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

singing!! being able to learn how to do most things pretty quickly!!! and i cant think of anything else but honestly these two are quite enough for me

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

uh oh! guess what! i dont have a catchphrase and im very self-conscious about it!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

im torn between sports anime and slice of life

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

because humans dont have wings we look for other ways to fly

from haikyuu

obviously

62. seven characters you relate to?

tsukishima kei from haikyuu

mae borowski from nitw

apollo justice from ace attorney

flame princess from adventure time

donatello from tmnt

sokka from atla

kageyama shigeo from mob psycho 100

63. five songs that would play in your club?

mr brightside, bohemian rhapsody, smile like you mean it by the killers and allof haikyuu ops and eds

64. favorite website from your childhood?

if social media counts, vkontakte i guess?? i didnt really go anywhere else and it still exists and i thriving so im not sure if it should count fkjsndkjf

65. any permanent scars?

yeah, the one from my very first vaccination from when i was a few months old i think and also some traces of when i had chickenpox

66. favorite flower(s)?

idk a lot of flower names but i really like tulips

67. good luck charms?

dont have any at the moment but i’d love to get one!

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

whatever fish mom used to buy when we were kids >:(

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

bro my memory isnt good enough to remember those,,

70. left or right handed?

im a righty but i had to become a lefty for like a month when i broke my pinkie

71. least favorite pattern?

i like traditional ukrainian ornaments

72. worst subject?

history :P

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

ice cream + fries

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

idk how pain levels work but i try not to take meds unless the pain is interfering with studying

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

idk but i had a box full of my teeth for so long they turned to dust and i had to throw it away

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

RHNGRHGNRHGRNH EVERYTHING except for freshly made mashed potatoes

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

if its green it can stay

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

have never had either of those and i hope i never will cause they sound gross!

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i dont have a license, so.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

kfjsndfks depends on the mood tbh!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies!

82. pc or console?

i WISH i had a console but this is too broke for that,, i played a couple of times tho and it feels more fun than pc!

83. writing or drawing?

please dont make me choose, ive abandoned both and its making me feel bad

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts :O

84. barbie or polly pocket?

idk what polly pocket is but barbie rules!!!

85. fairy tales or mythology?

i feel like sometimes fairy tales are kinda like watered down myths so i have a right to say i like both

86. cookies or cupcakes?

my heart goes to cookies

87. your greatest fear?

finding out im faking any part of my identity

88. your greatest wish?

get through whatever’s going on right now

89. who would you put before everyone else?

mom

90. luckiest mistake?

when i recorded an undertale medley and got a few notes wrong but it actually ended up sounding better than originally

91. boxes or bags?

boxes!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights……

93. nicknames?

never really had many? my bff calls me mr smith sometimes but thats all i can think of fkjsdnfs but also! steve used to be my nickname before i decided my life my own and i get to choose my name

94. favorite season?

spring ;w;

95. favorite app on your phone?

sudoku

 96. desktop background?

 97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

my own and my mom’s

 98. favorite historical era?

eh im not very fond of the past because not every time period had soap

[hontou-baka]

a post.

been awhile, hasnt it, tumblr.

i have a fair amount of followers, half of which are probably old spam and porn accounts, so i doubt anyone will read this and i doubt anyone cares. venting, self indulgence, i guess.

im not sure if im back. i hope not. not to sound condescending, but im trying to spend my time doing meaningful and purposeful stuff. tumblr is just another social media app that sucks up my time when procrastinating. but i might try to get back into art, and tumblr is maybe the best place to put that, so.... idfk.

i came back once, fleetingly, when white diamond was revealed- knowing tumblr was my best place for content and info and craving it. same goes for right now. i just finished the homestuck epilogues and needed to see others thoughts, some content, i need it for my own catharsis.

ill give my hot take on the epilogues. im sure you could already tell what my opinion is from the posts ive shared. to my relief, this seems to what the majority of others are feeling, too (based on my scrolling through the homestuck epilogue tag for a few hours). they were fucking awful. felt like an edgelord's "pain is the epitome of human emotion" fanfic. it solidified my feeling that hussie no longer cares about homestuck. no, it confirmed to me that he violently LOATHES homestuck, and perhaps even (or especially) its fanbase.

i always thought homestuck would be the most important thing to me. it was, ever since i started reading it 6 or so years ago. there will never be anything that even comes close to what homestuck was for me. it was the only thing that kept me alive through some of the hardest parts of my childhood. i made some great friends at the time because of it (not that any of them stuck around). i was planning on doing homestuck cosplays for the rest of my cosplay existence, to prove that homestuck was still my #1. i wanted to get homestuck tattoos once i was free of debt!

but the ending of homestuck left me bitter. imo, the fandoms bullshit and the hiveswap fuckery left no love in hussies heart for his creation. he wanted it over, and just ended it. but nobody was satisfied with that of course, including me. so i was ecstatic to hear there would be an epilogue. but as weeks, months, years went by with nothing... i began to accept that wed probably never get epilogues. id just love homestuck for what it was, be salty about the ending, and that was that.

then, they came.

reading the epilogue tags, i thought they were a joke, just as many others did. it sounded like every sensitive subject that could ever be tagged was in there, including shit that just seemed ludicrous. but i persisted, like a fool, desperate for the sburb-logo hole on my heart to be filled.

the prologue already gave me so many red flags. my husband had hope, liked where it was going. a huge time skip, ten years we just have to accept went by. all of the characters had drifted apart so bad it was jarring. johns depression and mistakes and regret was daunting. everything felt so off.

and it only got worse. i started with candy. i was confused that thered even be the option all written out for john to stay. at first, i thought i was going to get some good ship shit. rosemary was the only good thing about candy. johnroxy started, took the fuck off, then just... it all fell apart. not a singe character consistently behaved in a way that felt like a natural progression of the characters we followed for so many years. what was the point of jane becoming trumphilter? to angstily show the duality of man? what was the point of all of the weird ass sex? it just feels like such a forced thing, like "oh, everyones grown up now! gotta fuck, and dont you dare even THINK any of it is going to be vanilla fluff and not.... anything but that...."

im not usually one to get upset over content that most find triggering, unless its real or shown in a very real way. but, for example, i honestly felt sick when dirk killed himself. i could go on about candy but it just felt like there was so much bait for a semblance of happiness, just to make it all as bad as possible.

meat was worse. hastily attempting to tie up plot points (like lord english) while also making dirk akuma homura...

also, apparently the author of family never ends had a hand in this? ive never been one for fan fiction, but for some reason i read that one, and it fucked me up. bad. i had the worst bout of depression and even suicidal thoughts for the first time in a while because of that fic. so, it feels like hussie wanted to recruit some ruthless-ass people to make something to intentionally hurt the people who demanded so much of him for a work he clearly hates now.

i... i think i dont like homestuck anymore, EXCLUSIVELY because of this. it feels like im throwing away one of the biggest parts of myself. it hurts so much, i feel so, SO betrayed. i would rather hussie have just announced he no longer had passion for homestuck, give us a shitty .txt file of a true ending (or the gist of one), and have left it there. but i guess that wouldnt have made him money now that viz bought the franchise.

i think, i will not come back to tumblr. it hurts. i had plenty of reasons for leaving, including everyone dipping out of homestuck. and i have other interests now that just dont align with the tumblr ive made and the followers i have (not like, core shit like lgbt+ rights or anything, im just really into health/fitness and particularly nutrition and i doubt my followers signed up for that plot twist). without homestuck, its even more just a painful past that haunts me here.

thanks for everything, if anyone ever even reads this. it was fun while it lasted.

-Hanna, aka hungoverterezipyrope

[heartforheart532]

THOS2: A weekend to never forget

So I promised I would give a coverage of my weekend at THOS2 as soon as I would get my HD pictures in. I just got them today so I’ve decided to share my story with you guys finally! It’ll be quite a long post so if you’re interested in hearing about me meeting the best cast there is on this planet feel free to continue reading! :)

So this was my first convention ever so I was very curious to see how things would turn out. I was also very, very nervous to finally meet the amazing people who bring these characters to live so amazingly. So Saturday, our first day, started with an opening panel where the casts greets us and everything and shortly after the OPS were beginning. So the first block was Matt, Harry, Jade and Will. I had Matt and Harry first (and to be honest I was the most nervous to meet those two so that didn’t really ease my nerves. xD).

Meeting Harry Shum Jr So I was told to go to Harry first and boy, I was shaking in my shoes about how nervous I was meeting him. Photo ops go very quick so in no time it was my turn to take a picture with him and my heart was just beating out of my chest but when I saw him, he just smiled at me and greeted me with a hug and immediately asked me “Hi! How are you doing?’’ and I could talk with him without even stuttering. Like, one hug and all my previous worries about being nervous just flew out the window. He was so sweet and patient with me and I am forever thankful I got the opportunity to meet this man. They day after I met him at the autographe and I had bought him an omamori and I’ll never forget our little conversation we had when I walked up to the table for the autograph session. He asked me how I was doing, if I still had some energy after these tiring two days and even danced with me a little! (Well he danced a bit in his chair but still, AHH) His reaction when he saw the omamori was the cutest thing ever. “An omoari! Oeeh, thank you so much!’’ (Also when he saw our picture he casually said, “Oh yeah I remember you!’’ and I was screaming on the inside.)

Meeting Matthew Daddario So, after my photoshoot with Harry on the saturday, I immediately queued for Matt’s line in the room where the photo’s were taken. At this point I was a little nervous again because... hello it’s Matt. When I was behind the curtain where Matt took his pictures I could hear him go; “Guys I look ridiculous! I am gonna look ridiculous in these pictures!’’ And at first I thought maybe it were some girls wanting to do some cosplay with hum but NOPE, he was worried about his hat hair! (He wore a cap when he came in during the opening panel and clearly was asked by the crew at the beginning of his photo session to take it off. He later but it back on. xD) So, it was my turn and I walk up to him, give him a hug (which holy shit they all give amazing hugs) and the usual “how are you doing chat’’. So we take out picture and as I’m about to leave (you’re not allowed to hang around for very long) he turns to me and goes “Does my hair look ridiculous to you?’’ and I blink at first and then am like; “What? No! No you look fine, Matt!’’ And he continues to be like “I should’ve done something with it.’’ and I literally stare him dead in the eyes and say: “Matt, you look beautiful.’’ and he FUCKING SMILED AND SAID “Aw, thanks!’’ Yeah no, I was an emotional dead mess after that. Later on this day I had an autographe session with him where I gave him a self made omamori. He was very clearly tired and had a long day behind him so I didn’t want to take up much of his time. I gave him the omamori (which he loved by the way) but forgot to tell him I actually had made it myself. So the next day I had another autographe session and op with him. Because the queue for his op was so long this time there was not much time for small talk, I gave him a hug again and we did the parabatai op which I loved because OH DAMN HE STARES STRAIGHT INTO YOUR SOUL AND THEN HAS THE AUDICITY TO SMIRK AT YOU. ANyways so later on that sunday I had my last autogrpahe session which was him and got my friend an autographe from him. So he asked me about my friend and I told him about her where after I gave him the letter I asked him if he remembered me giving him the omamori. “Yeah! The tiny one right?’’ and so I explained that I made it myself and he was very surprised about that and when I gave him the letter I said that everything was written in there and he went like “Wait, lemme write omamori on it. That way I know it’s from you!’’ after that I said my goodbyes to him and a friend of mine who was stillin line offered a shoulder to cry upon because I was so emtionally overwhelmed :’) But yeah, Matthew Daddario is an angel and I feel so blessed I have met him. 

Meeting Alberto Rosende OKAY THIS HAS GOT TO BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS OF THE ENTIRE EFFING WEEKEND.

Let me start off with the fact that Alberto is a Gryffindor and I am a Gryffindor. Last Christmas my friend had gifted me a Gryffindor scarf so... I took that with me to the con. So when I had my op with him (I had two in one row) I wrapped the scarf around his neck and told him “You can borrow it for today.’’ And his eyes just... widened in surprise and he was like “Oh, thank you. This is so cool.’’ So we did a pose with the scarf and then a regular hug pose afterwards. Later that saturday I also had an autographe with him so naturally, I decided I wanted him to sign the gryffindor op! This entire exchange owns my heart. Alberto Rosende is the kindest soul I have ever met and I only love him more after this convention. So when it was my turn for his autographe he was eating some sweets and I playfully asked him if they were good. He  was like “Yeah! Do you want some?’’ They were lemon napoleons AND I DO NOT SAY NO TO SOUR CANDY. So I gave him the picture of us and at first he wrote my name; “Anja. That’s a really pretty name. I love that name.’’ I think I blushed bright red at that lol. Then he saw the op and he gasped and before he even started writing I was like; “Gryffindor’s for life!’’ he stops all movements and was like: “I WAS GONNA WRITE THAT!’’ And we high fived and aahhh my heart was screaming with happiness. So when he had signed my photo I gave him an envelope with a letter and a tiny gift. He looked at me and was like; “Can I open it now?’’ And I was like, yes of course! So he opened it and he smiled so big when he saw the bas guitar keychain I got him. It reminded me of him as well as of Simon so I figured it would be a perfect gift for him. He told me he loved it and honestly, he made my entire day with this exchange. :’’)

Meeting Emeraude, Kat and Dom + the autographes with Jade and Will So these three ops and autographes went quite fast so I’ve decided to put them under one headline lol. With Jade and Will I only had an autographe.

I had two autographes with Kat on the saturday, one for me and one for a friend. Her throat was very sore from when she was in Australia so I talked and laughed about that bit with her and then she was asking me how I liked the convention and such. Her op was super rushed, it was in and out in the snap of a fingers but she was an angel. 

Emeraude was an absolute sweetheart. I talked a bit at the autographe with her about the con as well and then sunday we had our photo op. So I wanted to do the parabatai pose with her and Eme being Eme she was a bit confused which one it was but I showed her and she was like “Oh right! Well as you know I don’t have a parabatai but now you are my first one!’’ “Well I’m very honored to be!’’ She was gorgeous in real life and such a joy to talk with and see at panels.

Dom’s ops were a bit rushed as well but I had the chance to talk to him a bit and gah, his accent in real life. fuck man. Will’s accent too by the way. Shit. I’ve had my doubts about meeting Dom after everything that happened and had been struggling with this decision for the remaining eight months but decided to just do it since I already spend money on the photo op. During his autographe we talked baout my name and The Netherlands and how our J’s sound different, I found it funny he picked up on that xD.

Will was such a fucking pleasure to talk with and he was adorable. Hours before the autographe session he had a panel with Harry that I witnessed and so I had something to talk about with him. That panel was seriously everything. 

Jade was a real sweetheart. He was talking in French at first but when he noticed I spoke English he did that (which I think is amazing, speaking French with the local fans) this was on the sunday and at the end of the event so we just talked about the weekend we had and that he was such a sweetheart.

For the rest I have an op with the Lightwood family and the Shumdario duo with one of my best friends and parabatai!

And basically that was my weekend! i ha the most amazing time with this incredible cast and met the best firends and mutuals in real life that I could’ve ever asked for. 

And no matter how much I miss them at this point, I know I’ll see some of them back again at THOS3! (Whihc I got a pass for again and I can’t wait!)

If you read this far I applaud you! xD Thank you for your time and I hope you enjoyed this story!

[rosey-writes]

Shocking Revelations

((Hello everyone! This is my first story I’m posting on this Tumblr, and I am so excited! Avery is brought to us via the amazing writer @slashesotron for the @badthingshappenbingo space, electrocution. Warning ahead of time for electrocution, bone breaking, and general uncomfortable sexually charged torture, though no penetration happens.))

Synopsis: Eliot, a Brooklyn street rat with more moxie than muscle mass, finds himself far from his usual healthcare facility after his last streetfight. With a EMT he’s rather sure is more of a danger than the stab wound

He heard the thrum of electricity before he felt it.

“Fuck!”

It hurt. Fuck, it hurt, the sparks traveled around every pore as he arched off the metal table. What the fuck, what the- what?! What was happen-

Then, like bubble pricking a needle, it stopped.

His vision was basically a cotton candy mush of colors and vague shapes. His glasses were AWOL apparently, not that it mattered much when he could feel his heart stuttering in his ears. Where was he? What, what, happened?

He closed his eyes, trying to steady his breath as he heard footsteps putter around him. It was far from a unique situation for him. Being five zero in Brooklyn, with a high propensity for sarcasm and a low bar of self control, meant getting into a lot of fights. And, once again, being five o’, in Brooklyn, meant losing a lot of fights.

He couldn’t remember much about it, but, he hoped at least the other guy got it as bad.

“Ugh…” He went to reach his arms up, hissing in pain from the ache in his bones, but found his wrist was bound down to the table. Huh? What? That...that was new. Maybe they were just pissed cause last time he woke up he may have accidentally punched the nurse...personally, he’d find that stupid. He did more damage to his own fist than his face, but whatever.

The smell of antiseptic was stained into the room, which helped to ground him where he was. Just another day at Long Island Central, he guessed.

“Ellen, is Axel here yet?” he groaned, trying to roll over on his side, but the wrist locks kept that from happening. Same old routine: Eliot gets into the fight, they ship him to Long Island central, they give poor overworked Ellen to him because she’s the only one who could deal with his temper tantrums, Axel runs out from work at the skateshop and coos over him and plays him my little pony because he’s still convinced he’s five, Bravon comes over next and slaps him so hard on the back it breaks his IVs, and Achilles comes in last to pick them all up a couple hours later. Wash, rinse, repeat.

“It’s okay, A Stór.” He felt the soft ridges of fingerprints glide on his cheek, before he felt a prick in his neck. “You won’t need him to make you feel better now.”

What?

Alright, now, now he was confused. He wished he had his contacts so damn badly, why didn’t he just stick with them instead of wearing his stupid glasses. Something about all this was starting to feel...off. Really, really off. There was the sound of dripping water somewhere in the distance, the room didn’t have the same chill to it all those white-walled hospital rooms did. The walls weren’t even white here he realized, they were soft pinks. The sweet smell of antiseptic wasn’t from cleaning product, well, it was, but it wasn’t cleaning the room, it was mixed with the mint of toothpaste, softer scent of detergent. The antiseptic was on the fringes like an afterthought, something clinging.

So then, what was the blue he was seeing? And why did he feel so...heavy. So, so heavy...

He woke up again an hour later. He could see. Not too well, but there were contacts in his eyes. Probably not his exact prescription, which made the headache worse, but, whatever, it was better than nothing.

The room was pink, little hearts and flowers woven on in a lighter shade. There was a matching pink ceiling fan whirring overhead, his eyes naturally tracing the blades round and round. He tried to lift his arm again, but...nothing happened. His eyes flicked over to the wrist, still above his head, but, there was no restraint holding him down. Why couldn’t he move it?

Alright, stay calm. Maybe he just broke that one. Woudn’t be the first time. He was so hopped up on painkillers he couldn’t feel it, maybe. So he tried the other one. And his leg, his other leg, his torso, anything, but nothing would budge.

Fuck.

His heart was beating, at least. He could hear the steady thump in his ears, the only sound in the room until he heard a door slide open, but, since he couldn’t move his head to check where it came from, he had zero clue where.

“Eliot Santana Swift,” he heard a heavy irish accent  read off behind him, in a calm, terrifyingly calm voice. In the hospital all the nurses, doctors, EMTs, everyone, had the same drawling tone, the mix of bordedom and forced hospitality, even with the ones who truly cared, it was a soft, mothering tone. This wasn’t that. This was...excited. This was the kid on his way to Disney world, playing their music with their earbuds in, tapping his foot as he watched the Mickey Mouse Ear electric pole pass. “Age: 22. Race: Mixed. Height: Five Foot. Weight: Ninety Three. Allergic to shellfish. This sound about right?”

“Who the fuck are you?! Where am I?! Where’s Axel?”

“Oh, right, you probably don’t remember me. I’m Sebastian, but please, call me Avery. I promise, I’m just here to take care of you.”

That was when he knew where the blue came from.

The guy was tall. Really really tall, and that was coming from a family of giants. Limbs long and gangly, neck thin, and eyes icy cotton candy baby blue, in a shade that made his stomach turn, as the hearts on the walls reflected into the black of his pupil, burning down onto him. His breath was sweet, colorform sweet, and he was pretty sure if his stomach wasn’t dead as the rest of him at the moment he would have hurled. He stood at the edge of the hospital bed, head tilted just so the glare of his glasses shone across his freckled face.

As he felt his throat dry up, It wasn’t hard to figure out what was happening now.

“Sorry about the restraints earlier.” The man took a seat, baby blue as well, sliding next to it and brushing back a lock of Eliot’s hair. “I didn’t know you were allergic to the muscle relaxant I had, so I had to run out to get more. Since you didn’t react so good with the last one, we had to give your heart a little start.”

He booped his nose. This six-something psychopath just booped his nose.

“You reacted so well though, you’re such a good boy. Just a little bit more and you’ll be ready.”

He shouldn’t get angry. When he got angry, he did really stupid things. Stupid things like insult the guy with a knife. “Just let me go you fucking freak, my family will come after me, Bravon’s a streetfighter, he’ll kick your-”

“And if they do, they’ll see I’m just helping you.” The man, monster, whatever, kissed his forehead. “I saw you on the floor, Eliot, I saw you bleeding there. They stabbed you, and you were yelling at them to come back and fight you like a real man. You wouldn’t let me hold you, you were coughing up blood but you didn’t want anyone touching you.” Eliot wanted to say something, to scream, but he felt his muscles freeze and voice go dry. “I talked with your brothers, they were the ones to call. They told me all about you, just how strong you were when your mommy died and daddy left. You wouldn’t let anyone else help you, even though you were the baby of the family you insisted on taking over everything.”

“What are you, a stalk-”

“Now you don’t have to.” He stood, now, and it hit him just again just how screwed he was in this situation. “I’ll take good care of you, I promise. No more twisted ankles from twenty hour shifts, no more broken noses from fights, no more burns, I’ll keep you safe.”

“...how...how did you know all this-”

“They’re in your medical file, silly.” He laughed a little, as he reached behind him, out of view. “And Ellen talks about you a lot around the breakroom. She showed me the picture of you in that Izaya cosplay once, it was cute.”

Please don’t please don’t please don’t-

“On a more serious note though,” he said, as he started to stick little band aids attached to wires onto his legs and arms. “I also saw the suicide attempt report. I’m letting you know right now, you’re not doing that while you’re here, okay? We’ll talk through whatever you’re going through. I wish I was there when you did it, I would have helped you then, but good thing fate brought us together now, hm?”

This was it. He was going to die. He finally started giving a shit about his own life and he was going to die.

“Before we do anything though, there is something we need to take care of.”

That. Was a hammer. And he was going to be sick. A bit, thick, heavy hammer that he lifted like it was a soda can, which Eliot couldn’t even open himself oh god, what was he going to do with a-

“Wait please no-” Black. He couldn't hear anything. If sound had a color, it would be blinding, bottomless black as he screamed and screamed louder than he ever had. He’d been hurt before, badly, but not like this, not- he couldn’t hear anything but his own screaming and sobbing, as the hammer slammed down again on the other ankle, then the knees. He tried to squirm away, tried to move, get away, fight back, something, but all he got back with the crack of bones.

“...oh dear…” he heard, with the shuffling of fabric, barely, under the sound of his own sobbing, the gravely irish from his side. “I didn’t think it’d happen this soon...you have a pretty voice you know. Really, really pretty.”

“Y-You f-fucking l-lunati- oh fuck.” The pain kept throbbing, both his legs.

“We’re going to need to work on that language of yours.” That was when he saw it from the corner of his eyes, the large wet spot at the crotch of the other man’s pants.

“You get off on this you sick fucking freak, oh fuck, let me the fu-”

With a long, drawn out sigh, Eliot saw a large, big knuckled hand descend on his face, covering his mouth. “Since you’re going to be living here now, I want you to call me my name, okay? Avery. I want you to say it.” He pulled off his hand.

Eliot spit. “You psycho-”

Sighing again, the monster pressed a button on the table. Like that, Eliot’s world went white. Searing pain rocketed through him as he whimpered, screaming out again, tears slipping down his cheeks.

“Please say it,” Avery cooed softly.

“A-A-” the electricity turned up higher. “Avery! Avery okay Avery please stop please-”

The relief he felt when the shocks cut may be the best high he’d ever had. He was breathing hard, wheezing really, closing his eyes to try and block away the goofy smile, the dick leaking precome all over the tiled floor. The pants were off now, he saw it bobbing from the corner of his vision. It wasn’t small.

“You’re being so good, now. See. Doesn’t that feel good?” A hand was massaging his shoulder now, slick from sweat and tears, before he felt his hand be lifted, wrist pressed to Avery’s lips. “You feel that, Mo Cuishle? It’s your heart, it’s my heart too, ours. I’ll do anything to keep it beating.”

Let me go let me go let me-

“Alright, you’re so strong, I think we can go again, okay? Just a little bit longer, I promise, then I’ll make you feel so so good. You’re making me feel so good, can you see it?”

He kept his eyes shut.

“Eli, please, I need you to look at me.”

“I don’t want to.” His voice was soft, it sounded pathetic, he knew it sounded pathetic as hell but for once he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Please, for me?”

With a stuttering breath, little hiccups coming out against his will, he managed to pry them open, blurry eyes focusing on the icy ones above him. “See, I knew you could do it. Just one last thing for now, I promise.” There was come now. He could see it, dripping down his thighs. Avery was coming off this. Off his tears.

The knife dug into his thigh. Not too hard. Somewhere deep in the repressed recesses of his mind, he felt a little warm giggle bubble up, knowing he had to be going this soft because Eliot was still healing from the stab wound. He forced eye contact the entire time, a hand gripping his chin and keeping it locked. Avery’s eyes didn’t even move from his own, trained instead on the dip of his lips from the whimper, crease of his eyes from the cringe at the sound of squelching blood, warm and thick, dripping between his legs and pooling on the metal floor below him, before the eye contact finally broke, and Avery’s head moved, laying a soft kiss where the wound lie, looking back up at him with painted red lips.

“I know you’d be the one.” He traced the wound mark, which now he realized was three letters carved. S.A.W. “I promise, I won’t let anyone else ever hurt you again.”

Somehow, despite being a cynic his entire freaking life, he believed him. And nothing ever scared him more.

[pulchrasilva]

Have *I* Grown?

i know im a bit late, but after the latest sanders sides episode celebrating how far the show has come, I figured there was no better time to celebrate how far i, as an individual have come thanks to this fandom

i first started watching sanders sides somewhere between DWIT and ATHD being released and was sucked in pretty immediately (this was about 2 years ago, since that was when i joined ao3 - it feels like much longer than that). while id become invested in shows and books before, it was when i discovered sanders sides fanfiction that i really started taking part in fandom in any major way

the characters and the plot mean so much to me. they’ve been there through my best days and helped me through my worst, ESPECIALLY through the pandemic. i cant tell you how many times i’ll quote the series, or use advice in the show to help guide myself or my friends. truly, a huge part of my development to where i am now is in large part due to sanders sides

but ultimately, it was the community that really got me as invested as i am now. dont get me wrong, this fandom is not perfect, but that doesnt mean that it cant also be a wonderful place a lot of the time. there are people on this site who i would now (tentatively) call friends, who i only know thanks to sanders sides. ive found people irl (both fanders and not) who are willing to talk to me about this interest of mine. there are people who i consider massive inspirations to myself and my writing, who most people in the wider world dont even know, who i would never have heard about if it wasnt for the fantastic coincidence of us both enjoying the same content at similar times. i cant even imagine not having these people in my life. even those people who just leave a single comment on one of my works mean so so much to me (as in, i read the comments when im having a bad day and the world immediately feels so much brighter)

and then theres how my creativity and skills have developed too. the main example would be writing: the first fic that i ever wrote was Remus Fights the Dragon Witch, which... while i love it, i can definitely see a vast improvement in my writing since then, particularly in dialogue, which i’ve always found a challenge. also i now use actual titles for my work. i now have a better understanding of my own style, and what i want to write. That first fic was (at least, supposed to be) a comedy, and it was mostly action-based. now my fics are usually angsty hurt/comfort with a focus on character relationships. (not sure if that one is a reflection of a shift in myself or in how the series is going tbh lol). the favourite fic of mine that ive written so far is Arachne, which i love with all my heart. i think it really demonstrates my skill now, which, while i sometimes struggle to recognise it, is pretty damn good i think.

and ive recently been branching out into other mediums too - the first piece of art that i made for myself in a long time was of Virgil, and ive been considering creating (and maybe posting) some more art in the future. this doesnt sound like much, but ive struggled a lot with insecurities about my drawings in the past, so this is a massive step for me. ive started doing a little bit of cosplay, even, and so far have a full remus one which i wore for halloween and the start of a janus one. plus, ive been branching out a little into other fandoms too, and while sanders sides will probably stay as my comfort zone, its definitely nice to dabble my toes outside of it a bit more.

it can be difficult at times, but we should all take some time to just be proud of ourselves sometimes, it can really make a world of difference. idk how many people will see this, but fellow fanders, i encourage you to recognise your achievements too!! you can go ahead and add them under this post, or make your own! or just do it privately in your own mind if you’d prefer - lets just spread some positivity! even if its just me who uses this opportunity for self-love, i still think thats meaningful. nobody’s perfect, but we’re always growing and changing, and we should all remember that <3

[heyitslapis]

Ok let's see... its been about 3 weeks since i posted last, give or take a few days. And I'll just say its been an interesting and exhausting few weeks.

Still trying to completely get over my dumbf*ck feelings for Alex. I'm not really doing a super great job at that, and still get random depressive moments that last a varying amount of time, but usually i just push my pity party to the side after about 2 minutes.

On the 3rd of June, Alex went up to see part of her family and join them on a cruise to Columbia. She said wont be back until maybe the 3rd or 4th of July at the earliest. I kinda miss her, but I feel like spending a month physically apart from her will do me some good. Her and i still snap back and fourth to save our streak and to day good morning. Whenever she cant find wifi, she turns on her dad's personal hotspot so she can send me at least one snap to keep our streak rolling (we are the longest streak we have with anyone on our snapchats, and it stands currently at 261 days.) The day after she left the streak sorta died for the day, but she was able to save it cause she was in a different time zone.

Since she's been gone, we've hired several new people at work, many if which being new hosts (thank God tbh, cause this means after theyre all done training and get a couple weeks to get used to everything i can train as a server and hopefully make a little more money). One of them is Giovanni's sister (Gio is a guy that works there. Mostly does dish, sometimes hosts.) And apparently she likes me? About a week before she started they came in to eat with their mom and after they left Gio was like "Dude, i think my sister likes you."

Hey, some random girl actually has a crush on me for the first time in my life? That's cool! Right? It would be, if she weren't 17. If i were still 18 or 19, i wouldnt really care. But now that im 20, even though we only have a 2 year and almost 6 month age difference, i still feel like its weird. I feel like im in a whole new age threshold now that ive hit that 2 decade mark, and she just seems to me like a kid. Anyway, Sammy (thats her) is bi with a preference for girls. She's very forward about asking the girls at work about their sexuality (she'll be mid convo and just be like "wait; you straight?") She makes a hobby of flirting with the straight girls, because as she says it, she can easily flirt with straight girls bc she knows she wont have a chance. As soon as she knows theyre bi or gay, she cant even really talk to them. Sammy flirts with me in excess, has asked me 3 times if im straight, or if im sure that i am (homegirl has only been here like two weeks), and the reason why is because she would happily let me break her heart, and has said thats its too bad im not gay bc if i was she would let me crush her. Also has told me that i remind her of her ex girlfriend, and when i said idk if thats supposed to be a compliment or not, she said "well i really liked her, so..." Oh and btw all 3 times shes asked, I've told her im straight (yknow, bc im not out to the irl general public) and I'll just say that having to lie outloud about my sexuality does not feel that great. Thats not something ive ever had to verbally do before, and now i understand. Tbh i dont really lie, or at least i very rarely do, bc i dont like it, and i want to be seen as trustworthy. i have told my share of lies in my day, but i feel like that was in the top 3 worst lies ive ever told. Simply because i know thats not who i am, yet im saying it anyway.

Besides that, in these last couple weeks ive:

Gotten my computer hacked and almost got scamed out of the piddly $120 dollars total that is in my bank account for me to try to live off of until next Fridays paycheck, and almost got my brother's bank account hacked (looong f*ckin story. Short version, im a gotdang fool, and people are absolute bastards), so now i cant use my computer until i get it looked at, which means no art (sucks bc i wanted to draw myself a bi pride icon)

Put in 103 hours at work in the last 2 weeks

Had our only available car break down twice

Got about half of our kitchen painted. Still need to find time to finish it

Purchased tickets for a convention, and bought almost everything i need to finish my cosplay.

Have a sore in the back of my mouth thats been plaguing me for over a week (finally starting to heal. Its been hurting to do so much as talk, much less eat or drink)

Had to deal with everyone's attitudes at work (some sh*ts going on with the moon and everyones been a pissy ass lately, and im so over it)

The pain in the ass girl at work that we've been trying to get rid of for over a year called in and quit 15 minutes before her literal last shift (Father's day) and our proprietary manager told her "its bullshit that you just found out that your other job scheduled you to work today 15 minutes before you had to come here" and "dont try to come back to this store again". Im ecstatic about it tbqh and feel a small sense of victory about the whole thing.

One of my favorite gays from work had his last shift Saturday night and im still sad about it.

It may not seem like much but its just all around every other day something else small happened to add to the weird and crazy smorgasbord that is my life.

Also bless Sammy bc yesterday was Father's Day, and because of that, i was in the building of my work at 9:45am, started working to get set up at 10, opened around 10:50, and didnt stop until about 8:50pm, 10 minutes before we closed. Our proprietary manager bought us tons of pizza and snacks in the middle of our shift so that we could all take turns having a 10 minute breather, but other than that it was non-stop work and dedication to the customer. At 9:50am my brother went to the Duncan Donuts down the road from us to get the handful of morning people either coffee or bagels or whatever they asked for. I told my brother to get me the english muffin with egg and cheese, and if they had the option, to add sausage to it. Also to tell Sammy i said hi (because she works at that Duncan also, and was there yesterday morning). My brother comes back with breakfast, hands me my food and said that Sammy made it especially for me. (At that time i was also in a bad mood bc i was tired from working four open doubles in a row, and was stressed, so that really lifted my spirits a bit. The food, and the thought that someone made it especially for me.) And i'll just say she just earned my love for the next week at least.

Anyway i think thats all for now loves. I dont have a very eventful life, but i sure do have a busy one.

[werewolfwilds]

i redid an ask meme that i had originally done ~3 years ago to see the comparison so for archiving purposes im putting it in a lil journal entry here ! i wanna start doing small journal entries again it was fun when i did that

new answers bolded

1) what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

my desktop bg is literally just…. a collage of kageyama manga screencaps a h a,,,, and my cellphone bg are drawings some gay drew me like 74724 years ago :v // my desktop rn is actually a background from one of the dmmd routes LMFAO..... idk which one it is but i’ve always liked those bg pics!! my cell lock screen is p5 art and my bg is leopika

2) have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

nooooope // nah

3) what was your last text message?

my phone is dead so i wouldnt be able to tell you lmfao i dont even remember // it was a gif from kelly lol

4) what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?

hopefully working a job i enjoy and making costumes and being happy!! // god i have no idea and it freaks me out... hopefully working,,

5) if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?

hoommee ((or at katsucon tbh)) // at the beach with friends maybe

6) what was your coolest halloween costume?

a white cat probably lmao // i dont think ive ever had a particularly exciting halloween costume but one year i was sharpay from high school musical and i think i peaked then tbh

7) what was your favorite 90s show?

uhhhh….. i didnt really… start watching tv until like… the 2000′s so i really cant tell you man lol // spongebob started in 1999 does that coUNT,

8) who was your last kiss?

(answer redacted) // :/ someone should kiss me so i can change this answer lmao

9) have you ever been stood up?

nope //  nah

10) favorite ice cream flavor?

vanilla w/ vanilla oreos ok u need to underst a n d // this hasn’t changed i haven’t had this particular ice cream in a long time but i still stand by it

11) have you been to las vegas?

nahh // nope

12) your favorite pair of shoes?

idk i have these black ones i wear everywhere lol // i have a pair of white sneakers that i refuse to stop wearing now

13) honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?

i wouldnt even consider it. // no bc i’m not a piece of shit lmao?

14) what is your favorite fruit?

hmmm…. pineapple orrr…. strawberries but only if they’re the really good kind like they have to be perfect // pineapple!!

15) have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself  dating/having sex with? if possible?

….. ye s… yes. // in the past apparently so but thinking about it now nah lol

16) are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?

hookups arent my thing eh i prefer long term relationships altho i cant really say ive been in a “long” term relationship pffff // i don’t think hookups will ever be my thing, emotionally long term relationships are what i’m here for but i’m also a Very Impulsive Person so i cant tell you if this will stay a fact :’)

17) do you smoke? if so, what?

nope dont wanna // no thanks

18) what do you do to get over your anger?

usually talk to people or shout into word // i have to vent about it to someone probably a thousand times even months or years after it happens tbh

19) do you believe in god?

nahh // nah

20) does the person you’re in love with know it?

i aint in love with anyone rn so no? // i’m not in love with anyone.

21) favorite position?

………….. for w hat………. // oh honey lmfao... N/A

22) what’s your horoscope sign?

virgo/ox ovob // Virgo/sun, Aries/moon, Libra/rising and Cancer/midheaven

23) your fears?

literally everything i already named a few so ill name some others… ghh anything in… the ocean or lakes and stuff frightens me and i really dont know why bu tlike…. fish and crabs and jellyfish and seaweed cuz it’s evil and stu f f basically anything that’s not a mammal or turtles or penguins…. lo l im a baby // uncertainty is a big fear of mine and also people being mad at me lmao... as far as physical fears though i have debilitating fears of almost all insects/arachnids and lobsters/shrimp/crawfish :^)))))

24) how many pets do you have? what kind?

two cats and a dog!! // one cat one dog

25) what never fails to turn you on?

i dunno,,/////// // lol neck biting/kissing oof

26) your idea of a perfect first date?

im okay with mostly anything i just really like spending time with the person ; v ; // i’ve never really had an answer for this? thinking about dates has always made me so anxious for whatever reason but i’ll be happy to just spend time with them doing whatever honestly, i’m a super indecisive person aha

27) what is something most people don’t know about you?

i dont really know tbh lmfao // i’ve considered in the past looking into mental conditions (anxiety/bpd/etc) to see if i might have one or two but i never want to say anything about it because i don’t want to self-diagnose anything.

28) what makes you feel the happiest?

nice weather and nice conversations w/ best people u//v//u // nice weather and hanging out with people who are fun and easy to talk to

29) what store do you shop at most often?

does….. arda wigs count or… // does arda wigs still count bc mood lmao but truthfully now it’s probably target

30) how do you feel about oral? giving and/or receiving?

kkdkjsfkjkjfj??fsfj/// go for i t??? i have no problems with i t??? i dont think ill ever be willing to put a dick in my mouth though // these random sexual questions thrown in here are something aren’t they lmao. not going to disclose much but i will stand by the fact that i will not put a dick in my mouth lo l

31) do you believe in karma?

sometimes ye // i believe that people will eventually get what’s coming to them but i don’t believe in karma as a solid concept if that makes sense? like i don’t think it’s guaranteed

32) are you single?

yup yup // yeah it’s been wild lmao

33) do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

i think being sincere is the best way to apologize– if you truly mean it the person will know. you dont need to buy your forgiveness. // the best way to apologize is just to apologize sincerely and change your behavior if it’s applicable.

34) are you a good swimmer?

ehh??? im ok i guess– i took swimming lessons as a kid but i havent done legit swimming ever since then lmao,, ive always been best at the backstroke tho yea // i mean i have the ability to swim but i’m not olympic-worthy or anything lmao

35) coffee or tea?

ehhh im not big on either tbh // chocolate milk and you can fight me

36) online shopping or shopping in person?

depends what your shopping for i guess?? online is more relaxed i guess // online probably because shopping in person Gives Me Anxiety

37) would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

ehhh im happy where i am tbh // older

38) cats or dogs?

do not make me choose // cats and dogs* there i fixed it for you

39) are you a competitive person?

ahaa,,,,, oh god yeah,, // OOF yeah

40) do you believe in aliens?

i believe there’s life on other planets somewhere?? so i guess?? // i believe in aliens in the sense that there’s no way we are the only living life forms in the universe but not in the science-fiction way you feel me

41) do you like dancing?

i do but i suck at it lmao // i do but i: A- suck, and B- have no stamina

42) what kind of music to you listen to?

nearly everything tbh // i’m not picky when it comes to music but imma be real w u. almost all of the music on my phone is kpop. seventeen is my favorite group along with astro, and i also enjoy super junior, shinee, red velvet, etc among so many others,,, im pretty wide spread !

43) what is your favorite cartoon character?

i will never be able to pick just one // i’ll literally never be able to answer this

44) where are you from?

philadelphia uvu // philly!

45) eat at home or eat out?

hmmm at home. // at home

46) how much more social are you when you’re drunk?

i never plan on being drunk tyvm // i’ve never consumed alcohol in my life and to be Quite Fucking Honest i want nothing to do with it

47) what was the last thing you bought for yourself?

bracelets ! ; u ; // uh... excluding food and music... earrings i think

48) why do you think your followers follow you?

uhhhhhhh lmfao i have no idea i think… a good amount are for my cosplays at least?? or id like to think so lmfao but i really dont know pfft // my followers have just accumulated and hung around over the years... i know i gained a good amount from my snk days as arlert-the-troops and then through my haikyuu phase, whether it was for my cosplay or other posts that i made... whenever someone follows me now im not entirely sure what its for but i appreciate everyone who’s stuck around!

49) how many hours do you sleep at night?

it’s never regular man // 6-9 (lol) hours is pretty normal for me

50) what worries you most about the future?

everything tbh // the future as a concept worries me lol