#i know i have obsessed about WA a lot but it's been on my mind since 2019

[rosecoloredknight]

I've been excited ever since I woke up because I finally have my Washington visit figured out!!

All I have to do now is focus on working a lot to save up the most I can!!

I llterally spent the last two days researching!! Like for instance, among other things, I NEVER KNEW there are yearly national and state parks passes required to buy in order to freely hike those places!? I'm such a loser haha

okay, I'm really excited about this 😊😊😊

[lesbesapphic]

Mean Wanda AU

Summary - Wanda finds out about your crush on the scarlet witch. That's it.

A/N- Hey you all! Hope you are all doing well.

Just wanted to post this as a Birthday Gift from me to you all (it was my bday a few days ago). I know it's been awhile but I will try to be more active now.

Please stay on this journey with me and keep supporting me. It means the world to me especially when I disappear here and there. Just bear with me a little.

Buy Me A Coffee || Ko-fi

Warning - heavy makeout session, i forgot the name suddenly but throat grabbing kink? Can't recall the name just that it starts with C, and lots of quarrel between Wanda and you that's it. Please don't flag me. It is my bday.

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After finally being done with all your work, you decided to watch your favourite show before Wanda could get her hands on the remote though a part of you wondered where the older girl was, it's been hours since you last saw her but you were glad for her absence, having the evening to yourself would be peaceful.

Halfway through it, you heard the door opening and Wanda waltzing in, her whole attention on her phone as she typed with one hand while using the other to close the door, you sulked at the fact that you didn't take the batteries out from the remote or switch them up to stop it from working, before anyone ask, you had already tried fighting Wanda on remote, you easily learned that she wasn't as fragile as she looked. She had you pinned on the floor with the remote in her hand before you could even grab her hand. Ever since then you have been relying on your intellect rather than physique.

But judging from her appearance and her focus on her phone, it didn't look like she was aiming for the remote, regardless of it, your grip on the remote tightened until Wanda pretended to walk out but instead grabbed the remote out of your hand. You hardly fought back knowing it was pointless but that didn't mean you couldn't whine knowing how much it irritated her.

"I was watching that!" You shot an annoyed glance at Wanda who jumped next to you on the couch, sitting down and switching the channel after grabbing the remote from your lap. "And now we are going to watch something else." Wanda stated while putting on one of her sitcoms. You hated to admit that despite not being a huge fan of sitcoms, you knew the story of each character by heart and would find yourself asking Wanda about any unknown entry with curiosity. You blamed Wanda for it, making you watch all her crap.

"Turn it back." You protested and Wanda rolled her eyes at your whining, "No. It is boring crap." Wanda claimed while putting her feet in your lap, deciding to give you something else to whine about. Her plan working efficiently as your focus shifted on pushing her feet off your lap.

"You don't know anything about MCU." You brushed her feet off only for her to put it back on your lap, your mind momentarily noticing how gorgeous her feet were. The thought disappeared when Wanda spoke again.

"Oh please. I know that you have some weird ass obsession with.. what's her name red witch..? Scarlet witch!" Wanda's lips curled into a smirk when your face turned slightly red, "Plus.. shouldn't you be happy serving me since her and I share such resemblance?" Wanda flipped her hair to the side and you ignored her, focusing on pushing her feet away.

"Why can't you admit that you have a crush on me?" Wanda prodded further and you could hear the grin in her voice, you looked up at her with an expression that screamed if she was out of her mind, "Are you on drugs?" You asked and she laughed, finally curling her feet under herself as she sat up.

"Why? Didn't you want a kiss from me the other day?" Wanda asked the mischief in her voice taking a condescending tone as she added, "Or shall I say from your Scarlet Witch?" Wanda asked and watched as the colors faded from your face and you visibly swallowed.

You felt your throat drying up at what you were hearing from her. She was awake. She remembered.

A few days ago, you both had come home drunk from the party and you ended up sleeping in her bed instead of your mattress on the floor. You had been watching Elizabeth Olsen's movie that night and were having a beautiful dream about her that got mixed with reality when you woke up to find her ethereal beauty in front of you, her face inches away from you and in your hazy state, you moved in to place a kiss on her lips when suddenly the sound of Wanda's obnoxious ringtone startled you back to reality. Your breathing fast as the realisation of what you were going to do hit you with the hangover from all the drink you had.

Needless to say, you had been very cautious of Wanda that day, avoiding her at all cost and flushing red every time you would have an interaction with her, afraid that Wanda would bring it up but she never did and you assumed that she must be asleep when it happened until now.

"I-I don't know what you are talking about." You cleared your throat, your eyes falling anywhere but her. You sucked in a sharp breath when Wanda tilted your chin up with her index finger, your eyes meeting her emerald ones, "Saturday Morning, you were sleeping in my bed. You were probably dreaming about that actress. You woke up and leaned in to kiss me. My ringtone snapped you out of it.. didn't it?

You opened your mouth to speak but no words came out. You didn't know how to answer that. "And the worst part is.. that you regret not doing it." Wanda declared with a smug look on her face and you couldn't help but scoff at her wild statements that she was passing as if she knew everything about you. 

"Now don't get ahead of yourself." You grabbed her hand that was holding your chin before pushing it away, ignoring how smooth it was on touch. How would it not? Every night Wanda would spend an hour on her skincare, moisturizing each and every inch of herself after taking a shower. The first time it happened, it made you uncomfortable seeing her half naked on her bed, slowly rubbing the lotion on her smooth legs and arms. You were pretty sure she noticed it the second time it happened because she stopped putting it on in the washroom as she would usually do but started to purposely do it in the bedroom. Remembering the time she asked you to do it for. It almost resulted in a make out session.

"Why? Don't you want to kiss your Liz?" Wanda asked raising her eyebrows innocently as if she was asking about something as trivial as your studies. "You aren't anything like her." You grumbled, looking away from her when she started laughing, groaning when she got on top of you, her legs on either side of you trapping you completely with her weight. "Ugh, Get off.." You raised your hands to push her off but she grabbed your hands, pinning them to your sides.

You start to struggle but stopped after a second, all your past efforts of when you were in a similar position with her flashes in front of your eyes and you knew that it was useless trying to win against her physical strength instead you decided to retaliate with your expression, giving Wanda a cold look, "What do you want from me?" You asked, letting out a sigh of exasparation.

Wanda's smirk widen when she noticed how quickly you stopped your struggle, you learned fast. She liked that but she loved the fight in you more. She knew you all too well, it was still there. Just the right answer from her and you would be wriggling again, "Admit that you have a crush on me and want a kiss." She replied and watched as your faced turned red before you started struggling again.

"You are stupid." You growled the words trying to get your hands free or to get her off you but all your attempts were failing and the smug look on Wanda's face was only riling you up until you couldn't fight anymore, breathing heavily, you fell back on the couch, resting your head back while you glared at Wanda who smiled at you with not a single bead of sweat on her. "Aww Baby, are you tired? You want a kiss?" Wanda asked and you mustered up all your energy into your words, hoping to drive your point in, "I will bite." You claimed and Wanda raised an eyebrow, the smile dropping off her face and it, for a moment scared you, but you didn't let it faze you as you stood in a staring competition with her.

"Like this?" Wanda asked before leaning and biting onto your neck hard, her teeth digging and you yelped in pain almost throwing Wanda off you before you could complain or call her some colorful words, she started kissing the area she bit, sucking on it. You let out a soft moan before quickly biting on your lip to hold it in as Wanda slowly started kissing her way up, occasionally nibbling and sucking as she moved toward your ear before taking the earlobe in between her teeth, making you suck in a sharp intake,

"If you even think about doing anything like that, I will tie you up and have my way with you." Wanda whispered in your ear and your face couldn't get any more red, she squeezed your hands into the couch before letting go, with all your previous similar encounters with her, you knew she wanted your hands to stay there and you almost laughed internally as if you could even move them after what she said and did.

"And you will consent to it. You will beg me to take you." Wanda added and you stayed quiet, trying to not focus too much on the pool of wetness collecting in your panties, "Are you going to bite now?" She asked and you slowly shook your head, your stomach flipping when she whispered a soft, 'Good' before leaning in and placing her lips against yours in a surprisingly tender kiss and you instantly reciprocated.

It's been a while since you two had a moment as this. You didn't know where it would lead you to or how it will end or if it would ever happen again but in that moment you chose to stay in the present to feel her tender lips against yours, her fingers slipping underneath your shirt, feel her hot breath hitting your neck as her lips left a burning trail of desire.

You wouldn't ever admit but maybe it was better than the 'crap' you were watching.

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Hope you all like it!

Although it is said that this au doesn't have a name! Feel free to suggest one! Bonus points for Taylor Swift themed name XD.

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Reborn - Part 25 (final chapter)

Pairing: Billy Russo X Reader (from A Woman Scorned)

Rating: R / 18+ only

A/N: This is a sequel to A Woman Scorned and takes place a few years after the events of AWS.

MasterList (includes links to AWS and previous chapters here)

Summary: You and Billy are happily married when tragedy strikes, jeopardizing your relationship and everything you two have built together. Can the two of you find your way back to each other or is the special bond you once shared broken forever?

Chapter 25

It had been two weeks since you returned home, and there had not been any contact with Billy during that time. Every night you read his letter, and all it did was confuse you and leave you with conflicting feelings. You appreciated his apology for the immense pain he caused, and there were moments when you wished you could get past everything and give into your feelings - but those feelings subsided and you longed for space again.

You scanned your empty apartment, looking so vast now that all of your stuff had been removed. Not that you’d ever been attached to the kitchen, but it made you uneasy every time you remembered that bitch Dumont attacking you in it. This place was home for only a short time, but now it was tainted and you didn’t want to be here any longer. You needed a fresh start, and that’s why leaving the city was important.

You asked for time and space… I’ll give it to you.  

Billy had promised that in the letter, and kept his word. Which made your last two days at the cabin with him even more significant. But then reality had reared its ugly head, and he decided it was safe to return to New York City. Fisk wasn’t after them, Dumont was dead, and Frank didn’t know about Billy’s part in Cerberus - there was no longer any reason to hide from the world.

Lights flickered on and off at the various apartments in the building across from yours. Taking a sip from your plastic solo cup, you wondered if he was out there watching you right now. He may have promised time and space but all that meant was that he’d keep his distance. It didn’t mean he wouldn’t keep tabs on you. It’s who Billy was, it was part of his obsessive nature, and a facet of him you loved.

“Are you okay?”

Davina’s voice cut through the haze of uncertainty clouding your mind. “I’m fine.”

“Are you excited about the trip?”

You turned around to face your friend. “Kinda.”

“I think some time away will do you good.”

“I know, me too.”

“If you still have left anything in the office, I can go pick it up.”

“No, it’s fine. I got everything I needed.”

“Can’t have been easy,” Davina remarked.

You bit your cheek, sighing. “It wasn’t, but it was time. Frank and Curtis have a good handle on things.”

“And did you see Billy there?”

Your stomach twisted into knots at the mention of his name. “No. He knew I was coming so he stayed away.”

“He knows you’re leaving the country?”

“I texted him after. Told him to meet me at the airport.”

Davina looked concerned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

You shrugged your shoulders, your gaze wandering over to where your suitcases were packed. “I’m not going to let him change my mind.”

“I kinda wish he would. I hate that you’re leaving, I’m going to miss you so much.”

You sent Davina a grateful smile. “Me too. But I need to get away and just leave-”

“-all this behind,” she finished for you. “I get it, you’ve been through a lot of shit in the past few years. You need a break.”

“I need a new life.”

“Hey, you might end up meeting some hottie on your new adventures that’ll change your life.”

You chuckled. That was Davina, eternal optimist. “Yeah, sure.”

The two of you finished your drinks and started doing a final check of the apartment before returning the keys.

***

You glanced down at your phone. An hour and a half hour before your flight. You were already checked in and your luggage dropped off, but you still had to go through security and it was a madhouse at the airport. Would Billy come? You didn’t know, but it was time to stop stalling. You scanned the area one last time before heading towards the security gate. It was only when you were close to the entrance that you spotted Billy. He was staring at you, watching you intently like he had a habit of doing. Your heart drummed, your stomach quivering. A part of you wanted to run to him, to abandon your plans and just lose yourself in his arms – but you couldn’t.

As you drew closer, you noted his heated glance. The scars on his face should have marred his good looks but instead he looked rugged, his imperfections making him even hotter. Billy was dressed in a charcoal grey suit with a crisp blue shirt underneath, his hands tucked into his pockets. Finally you came to a stop in front of him, ensuring there was enough distance between you two. Jaw clenched, he studied you with a burning intensity.

“So this is it. You’re leaving,” he finally spoke.

“I need to.”

“You want to,” he argued.

To anyone else his current tone would have reeked of contempt and hate, but you saw right through the façade and into the heart of a man who was hurt and afraid, a man desperate to love you. His body was taut with tension, anger screaming in his eyes, demanding your full attention.

“You don’t have to run to the other side of the world to get away from me. I promised you I’d leave you alone. I meant it.”

“Not sure I could stay away,” you confessed.

Hope flashed in his eyes for a fleeting moment. “You don’t have to.”

The lump in your throat hurt, your heart aching. “I do, Billy, I need to put space between us. I need to know that I can live in this world without you, that I can be happy.”

“You want to forget me,” he accused, his voice cracking. “Move on like I mean nothing to you.”

Unable to take the pain in his gaze, you lowered your eyes. “Maybe this could be a good thing for you too. Maybe you can-”

“What? Be the guy I was before I met you? The same guy who used to fuck everything that moved?”

It made you sick to your stomach to think of him with someone else. You gritted your teeth instinctively, glaring up at him.

Suddenly he stepped forward, narrowing the distance between you. His dark, molten eyes swept over your face, inhaling you in and consuming every inch of you with every breath. “You don’t like that, do you? Pisses you off, right? Me fucking other women?”

“Do whatever you want.”

“You’re who I want.” The intensity in his voice was intoxicating, his words tugging you towards him just as much as his hand that wrapped around your waist. “There’s no one else for me. Only you. And it’s fucking selfish of me, I know, but I don’t wanna be who I was before you.”

“You were happy then. Things were easier.”

“Fuck that!” He bent forward to lower himself to your height. “I was numb before you. You made me strong, you made me fucking feel. You’re in my blood and I’m never giving that up!”

“The last few years have been hell, Billy.” Tears stung the back of your eyes, you sniffled. “For both of us.”

“And we’re still here!” he said ferociously. “We still love each other even if you can’t say it. I’d destroy the fucking world for you and you’d do the same.”

“Too much has happened,” you whispered. “I need space-”

“I kept my distance, didn’t I? I fucking hate it but I’ve been staying away.” His other hand cradled your face, thumb swiping over your bottom lip as his gaze bore into you. “Don’t leave. Stay here. We don’t have to be together, but I need to know you’re okay.”

“I can still feel you around me, Billy. You’re always watching me and I can sense it, even though you’re good at hiding yourself.” You exhaled a short breath, your fingers quivering as you traced the scars on his face. “I’m weak when it comes to you. If you’re close by, I’ll run to you.”

Hurt flitted across his face. “And you don’t want that.”

“I’m still getting over everything that happened,” you admitted. “It’s too raw, that pain is still fresh. And ignoring it isn’t gonna help me, I know that. It’ll just make me hate myself more.”

Vibrating with emotion, he leaned closer to rest his forehead on your temple. “I don’t want that for you.”

“I know,” you signed, closing your eyes. You breathed him in, noting the new subtleties of the cologne he was wearing. You were familiar with his favourites but this was something new, not associated with notes that triggered memories of happier times.

There was chaos all around, crowds of people mulling around the airport but it didn’t seem to touch you and Billy. The two of you were in your own world, isolated from others.

“When I was in college I’d hear stories about people travelling through Europe, or going to Thailand and sleeping on the beach. Just getting away and having meaningful experiences, you know? I always wanted to go try something like that but back then I could never afford to travel.”

His fingers glided through your hair before fisting the strands, holding you tightly against him.

“I missed out on so many things because I was always too busy hustling.”

“Me too,” Billy admitted. “Growing up poor does that to you.”

“Now I actually have time to do this, and I want to take advantage of it. I want to do things I’ve never done before.”

“I could go with you,” he offered hesitantly.

“Then this whole trip would be about us, not me. I need this for myself, Billy.”

He exhaled a resigned sigh, hugging you. For a long time the two of you remained in each other’s arms, clinging to each other.

“You’ll come back to me?” he asked after a long while.

You didn’t want to give him false hope, you loved him too much for that. “I don’t know.”

His arms tensed, you felt his internal struggle to let you leave whilst growing desperate to hold on to you. He was in agony, his soul crying out to you.

“I love you. I always will.” His words weren’t tender nor gentle. No, they were immersed in rage and grief and loss and complete despair. He pulled away from you, his eyes red with tears while he reached into his pocket to retrieve something. You stared down at his palm, staring at the familiar jewelry box, one you thought was still locked away in your dresser. He snapped it open. You hadn’t realized it was missing yet there used to be a time when the engagement ring and wedding band were gilded around your finger. He gripped your hand with his own, thrusting the box into your palm, squeezing your joined hands together. “We own each other and that’s never gonna change. Doesn’t matter if you’re here or a million fucking miles away.” Lips pursed into a thin, angry line, he glowered at you. “Do whatever you have to, but next time I see you I’m putting this back on your finger whether you want it or not.” Eyes fixed on you, he shut the lid close and returned the jewelry case back into his pocket.

Without another word he turned around and stormed away, leaving you with your heart lurching and your stomach in coils.

After he disappeared from your line of sight, you took a deep breath and headed for security.

*****

It wasn’t easy at first. You were a woman traveling alone, going to places that weren’t necessarily the safest. But eventually you managed to navigate your way through unfamiliar surroundings, be cautious and blend into crowds so that you didn’t stand out as a tourist. You learned to listen to your instincts but also put your guard down a little so you could enjoy yourself. You were always great at schmoozing so that skill came in handy when you met people from various sectors of life. You hung out with locals and tourists alike, and immersed yourself in the art and culture each country had to offer.

Days went by in a whirl; you were enraptured by the beauty of it all. Despite that, there was a hollow ache in your chest that never seemed to subside. It pricked at you when you were admiring Ophelia at the museum, or surrounded by stunning elegance of the Blue Mosque, or even when you were sitting with a group of people laughing and chatting. You even volunteered in some places, more to keep yourself busy than necessity. You were comfortable with your everyday life, maybe even happy, but your heart yearned for something more.

The days turned to weeks turned to months. In the blink of an eye, six months passed by. Maybe it was the wariness from long days of travel or simple stupidity on your part, but you grew complacent about safety when you were walking back to your hotel one night and were attacked.

The man tried to grab your purse, you put up a fight, and he started kicking you when suddenly a large dog came out of nowhere and jumped up at him. You stumbled onto the ground, dazed, watching after the robber while he fled. You glanced at the dog. Seconds ago he was a growling predator and now he was sniffing your feet. He only had one eye and was ugly as hell but the damn mutt had just saved your life so the least you could do was feed him. As if reading your mind, the beast followed you back to your hotel.

A month after that night, you started the paperwork required to adopt the animal. It was a difficult and expensive process, and for the first time in recent weeks you started worrying about finances. The money you’d allocated for the trip had been carefully budgeted, but spending so much on vet bills and administrative costs wasn’t something you had accounted for.  

A week ago your bank balance was half of where it should have been before the beast came into your life. Tonight, your balance had been restored to its original amount. Someone had deposited a lot of money, and you knew exactly who it was.

Billy. The missing piece of your soul. Yet you hadn’t reached out to him in months, your fear stronger than your desire. But there was no way you could ignore this kind gesture.

Your heart was pounding in your chest when you dialed Billy’s number. There was a seven hour difference between your time zone and his. You were disappointed when he didn’t pick up, he was probably at work, you consoled yourself with the idea that this was probably for the best.

Later that night you were in bed with the beast sleeping on the floor when the phone rang. You picked it up haphazardly, half-asleep. “Hmm?” you mumbled.

“You called?”

Billy’s voice was a sudden jolt to your system, knocking you awake. Anxiety surged through you. You felt shy all of a sudden, almost embarrassed to speak to him. “Hi.”

There was a pause on his end. “Hi.”

“You deposited money into my account.”

“I did.”

“Thanks.” You bit down on your bottom lip. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I know.”

“I guess this means you have someone keeping track of my account?”

His tone took on a defensive edge. “I have to, don’t I? Not like you’d call me when you need something.”

The silence was palpable, filled with tension. It saddened you, knowing there was a time the two of you could talk for hours on end and now you could barely exchange a word with civility.

Minutes passed, the stillness grew. Yet you didn’t hang up, neither did he, the sound of your breaths supplementing the static in the call.

Billy was the first to break the silence. “I went on a date.”

It was the last thing you wanted to hear. His words were so rage inducing you wanted to scream, to stomp on your phone over and over again. You reminded yourself there was nothing wrong with what he was doing, he had every right to see other people. You hadn’t even promised to come back to New York. For all intents and purposes the two of you were done, but-

-but there was that potent jealousy rushing through your fucking nerves, ready to destroy Billy and his other bitch. “Fuck you!”

He sounded smug when he spoke next, even happy. “She reminded me of you, so I asked her out.” Billy was needling you on purpose. “Wanna know how it went?”

“You fucked her,” you seethed, gritting your teeth.

“No. I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

The vulnerability in his voice took you by surprise considering he was acting so smug mere seconds ago. “Because I didn’t want her. I wanted to want her, but I fucking didn’t.”

“Because I’ve never been your type.”

“Because she wasn’t you.”

Billy had never been one to wax poetic about love or romance, but it was these rare moments when he was completely earnest that made your heart melt.

“You’re the only fucking woman I want.”

“I miss you.” You hadn’t intended to say it, not to him. Because admitting that meant exposing yourself, opening up your heart again, to him. Having hope when you should have known better. But now those carefully guarded emotions were out there and you couldn’t pretend they weren’t.

His voice was hoarse, ensconced in pain. “Say it again.”

You took a deep breath. “I miss you.”

“You sound fucking terrified.”

“Because I am.”

He exhaled a resigned sigh. “Do you mean it?”

“Yes,” you confessed.

There was a pregnant pause. “You’ll come back to me?”

There was that question again. The answer he wanted meant trusting him and risk getting your heart broken again, something you were still terrified of a few months ago when he’d asked you at the airport.

The fear was still there, that was undeniable, but there was also something else that was just as intense – hope, and a desire to make things work that hadn’t existed before. “Yes.”

“For good.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Filled with so much joy and relief and pure happiness, the strain gone.  “When?”

“Not yet,” you answered. “But soon.”

“I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as it takes. But I need something from you, babe.” With no need to restrain himself any longer his voice grew velvety, reverberating with sexual energy. “I need to see that pretty pussy of yours.”

Immediately your body responded to his words, aching to have his mouth between your legs and going down on you. “Billy-”

“I get so hard just thinking of you. And I’ll probably get too excited when I see your sweet wet cunt but I need to, sweetheart, I need to look at you and taste you and smell you.  I want to be inside you so badly… fuck… see you take my cock in, feel you squeeze me so tight…”

You moaned, you couldn’t help it, and so did he – the sound of his guttural groan so hot and sexy it instantly drove you wild.

Oh god. You could hear him, the throaty growls of pleasure from him jerking off to your voice. He was a vocal man during sex, always had been. And you fucking loved it. You missed it. You missed him.

And it was a huge relief to finally give yourself permission to admit that. Yeah he hurt you badly, and you did what you always did and hurt him back. Despite all that there were real feelings there, a true bond that connected the two of you intimately. No doubt you could be content without him but with him you could be happy. There was so much joy and wonder in the world and you wanted to share that with him.

“You have any idea what you fucking do to me?” he rasped.

“No. Tell me.”

There was a slight pause on his end, like your words took him by surprise. “You’re a goddamn tease, sugar.”

You smiled. “But you like that, don’t you? You like it when I’m on top and in full control. When I’m grinding down on your cock, Billy, teasing you with my pussy-”

There was that groan again, a raw sound of pleasure and frustration that hit just right.

“You remember the first time we had sex, Billy?”

“In the alley next to Piatti’s.”

You rolled your eyes. “That wasn’t our first time.”

“I remember it like it happened yesterday. I crashed your date with Roger and you were pissed at me.”

“It wasn’t a date-” You stopped yourself, refusing to argue with him about this. “It was the night you took me to the ballet.”

“That doesn’t count.”

“Why not?”

“It was before the gala.”

“So?”

“I didn’t know the real you then.”

That was the thing with Billy. One minute he would frustrate you so much and the next he would say something so tender that you fell in love all over again. “It still counts,” you murmured.

“It doesn’t.”

“It was like our third or fourth date, I figured it was time we slept together. I was more nervous than excited-”

“Gee, thanks,” he muttered sarcastically.

“We went to the ballet but I couldn’t figure out why you even took me there. You looked so bored during it.”

“I hated that shit, thought you’d be into it.”

“Liar. You took all your dates there, I checked your credit card transactions the next morning.”

“Oh, that’s when you started hacking into my shit?”

You chuckled. “Wasn’t planning to. Just didn’t expect the sex to be so great.”

“Yeah?” You could practically see the arrogant grin on his face. “I got you all cock-crazy, huh?”

“Something like that.” You bit down on your lip, recalling the memories so clearly in your mind. Before then no guy had ever made you come, and Billy had done it multiple times that night. He had blown your mind in every way imaginable, marking the beginning of your obsession with him.

“Is that why you fell for me? ‘cause I fucked you good?”

While a ‘yes’ would’ve been an ego boost, you also saw through the façade of his seemingly casual tone. He wouldn’t like the foundation of your relationship to be a sexual one. Besides, it wasn’t true. “No, it was when I realized how alike you and I were. There was a side you showed to the world, then there was the real you, and they were polar opposites. I used to think I was the only one who acted that way.”

“You saw me for who I really was.”

You nodded your head instinctively. “Yeah.”

“And I saw you. I knew I was fucked from that night of the gala.”

“Bullshit,” you retorted.

“What? You don’t believe me?”

“You didn’t like me until way after.”

“Wrong,” he countered dryly. “That night was definitely the first time I caught feelings. And then every day after that I got sucked in more and more. Every time I thought I had you all figured out you surprised me. And I fell harder every time.”

You didn’t speak, simply digesting his words.

“My mother’s funeral, you remember that?” he prodded.

“Yeah.”

“I was all kinds of messed up that day and you were there for me, you didn’t leave. I thought that was it, you know. How I felt that day, that would be the extent of it. I was already head over heels. It couldn’t get more serious than that. Then I found you with Adam Preston.” A soft chuckle escaped him. “I had no fucking idea what I was in for.”

“You had your chance to leave. I told you not to get involved.”

Billy snickered. “Like I was gonna walk away after that.”

You pondered how major milestones in your relationship were built on a path of blood and violence. Adam. Roger. Even fucking Krista. Destroying them was what propelled the two of you closer. Would it always be like that? Or would you both grow out of it?

“What are you thinking about?” he probed.

“A normal life. You think that’s possible for us?”

“Is that what you want?”

You turned to your side. “I want you.”

There was a long bout of silence that followed. “Haven’t heard that from you in a long time,” Billy said.

“I know.”

“You left, Y/N. It’s been months!” His voice took on a harsh edge. “I haven’t seen you, haven’t talked to you. You have any idea what it’s been like without you? You’re out there living your goddamn life and I can’t even fucking breathe without you! Do you give a fuck about that?”

You reminded yourself to be patient. “I get that you’re pissed off-”

“You’re goddamn right I am!”

“But I’m not going to fucking apologize, Billy.”   You stayed calm, refusing to let him rile you up. “I needed space, away from you, away from New York, away from everything that happened in the last few years.” You exhaled a deep sigh. “It’s been peaceful. I’m content. I’ve done things and travelled to places I never thought I’d get a chance to. And you know what doing that made me realize?” Your tone softened. “That I want to be with you. Billy, you make me happy.”

It was impossible to know but you sensed him trembling, as if your confession had expelled a rush of relief over him. He didn’t speak for a long time. Neither did you.

“When you come home to me, it’ll be for good. I’m never letting you go,” he declared.

“I know.”

There was a lull in the conversation again, a comfortable one this time.

“So? What’s been the best thing you’ve seen so far?” Billy asked. “What’s the shittiest?”

You smiled fondly, getting ready to tell him about your adventures.

***

Two Months Later

The elevator doors opened right into Billy’s apartment. You entered his place, greeted by the sleek, sparse aesthetic of the place. His design preferences clashed with yours and that hadn’t changed. The beast was next to you, tugging at his leash as he was eager to discover his new surroundings. You dropped your overnight bag on the ground before undoing his leash.

Sonia had given you the code to Billy’s apartment but had warned you that he wasn’t expected home for a few days. You weren’t supposed to be back in New York for at least a few more weeks, but you were feeling homesick and both you and the beast were exhausted so you decided to return early. Unfortunately your plan to surprise Billy didn’t work out as expected as he was off somewhere doing recon work for a lucrative client along with Frank and some other team members.

You had landed yesterday and gone straight to Davina’s, spending it resting and catching up with your best friend. Still, you were exhausted and the beast was acting up – maybe it was a good thing Billy wasn’t here. But that didn’t stop you from being utterly disappointed at missing him. Over the past few months you and he spoke practically every day despite the time differences, and the connection between you had grown stronger, more intense. The need to see him was overwhelming, the desire to touch him so desperate that you dreamt about him every day.

The beast ran around while you took a tour of the penthouse suite, familiarizing yourself with Billy’s new home. You rummaged through his closet, running your fingers through his clothes, admiring his wardrobe. You always loved how much pride he took in dressing well, and he was just as appreciative about your efforts.

Your attention was drawn to the watches laid out in a bougie cabinet that was new to you. The vintage Rolex you’d gifted him for your second anniversary was prominently displayed, a centerpiece amongst his collection. A part of you had worried that Billy had sold the piece after the divorce but that didn’t appear to be the case. You opened the bottom drawer and found a familiar velvet jewelry box in there.

“Next time I see you I’m putting this back on your finger whether you want it or not.”

Billy’s words echoed in your mind like it was yesterday. Your stomach fluttered when you opened the box to find your engagement ring and wedding band in there. Smiling, you slid them onto your finger. The fit was a little snug, you had gained a few pounds during the trip, but the rings still looked beautiful on your hand.  

You noted the empty side of the walk-in closet, along with a large built-in cabinet designed specifically for shoes. This was meant for you, no doubt, and it made you feel soft and warm inside.

Home. That was what Billy was to you, and it felt right.

***

Billy dried himself with a towel before getting dressed in a t-shirt and sweats. All the while the mutt simply watched him, idly chewing on a recent pair of shoes Billy had bought. He took a deep breath, reminding himself he could get another pair. When he’d come home sooner than expected, the last thing he’d expected to find was you sleeping on the couch and a giant monster snoring on the floor beside you. The dog eventually woke up while he took a shower and now there they were, playing a game of who could stare at each other the longest.

Billy knelt down to meet the mutt at eye-level. “You know she’s mine, right? You can’t have her.”

The dumb dog stared back with its one eye, wearing an insolent expression, and then it yawned, completely unfazed by the warning. Billy pet the dog’s head before standing up and exiting the room, shutting the door behind him.

You were still sleeping soundly on the couch. Dressed in one of his t-shirts, the hem twisted around your hips, your gorgeous legs were naked and begging to be touched. And then there was the flash of your black lace panties. He poured himself a glass of whiskey and downed the whole thing before taking a seat next to you.  

It was almost eight months since he saw you last, since he touched you. His fingers wrapped around your bare calf and squeezed lightly. You moaned a little, the sound turning him on even more. Billy told himself to be patient but all rational thoughts left his head when you shifted and the t-shirt rose even higher. Mesmerized, his hand travelled up your thigh, dancing along your soft, supple skin, sneaking higher and higher until his fingers hooked inside the waistband of your panties and he pulled the fabric down the length of your legs. Yeah he wanted to fuck you senseless, but more than that he just wanted to hold you and revere you.  

And so he did, with his gaze, inhaling you in.

Your beautiful body, your pretty pussy, your glorious tits.

He committed every inch of your sweet cunt to his brain, inhaling you in. He didn’t even have to touch you for you to get wet, you were turned on already when he bent down to kiss your delicate skin. You trembled against him, your body quivered. You weren’t fully awake yet, your eyes still closed, but your breathed out a moan when he swiped his tongue along your folds.

God, he missed you. Your scent, your taste.

Pushing your t-shirt up above your chest, he sunk his face into the soft curves of your stomach, his tongue delving into your belly button. Your hip arched up, causing his face to smash against your skin. He chuckled, continuing to lick his way up your body until he came to your breasts.

Fuck.

The sheer hotness of your breasts stole his breath. They were bigger than he remembered, softer, as he cupped them together. Your puffy nipples stared back at him defiantly, daring him to fuck them, and he couldn’t stop himself anymore. His mouth dragged over the hardened nubs, going back and forth between, sucking on them like a man dying for water.

You were awake now, your moans growing louder, your body writhing under him while your legs tightened around his waist.

“Billy…”

Your voice. It was the only thing that could draw him back from the brink of madness he was in. Pulling his mouth away from your right nipple, he finally met your gaze. And the expression on your face melted his heart.

Overwhelmed with feelings that rushed through him, he stared at you blankly. He couldn’t think.

You were here. You came back to him.

You were his.

The emotions on your face, the way your eyes lit up so brightly - it made his insides ache.

For months he was a dead man walking, going through life without any hope or excitement. He’d always known losing you would ruin him but even he couldn’t have predicted how alone and hopeless it would feel without you. The ambitious drive in him dissipated, because what was the fucking point of money if he couldn’t spend it with you. The first month after you left all he did was get wasted. Alcohol was supposed to numb the pain but it didn’t. After weeks of fucking around Frank and Curtis had enough and ordered him back to work. Sick of the fights and waking up with hangovers, he decided work would be a better distraction. At least then he wouldn’t have to deal with Frank bitching at him.

Shortly after that you guys started talking, and the world came alive for him. Life was beautiful again, and he had a reason to wake up every morning. His drive to make Anvil an industry leader returned with a vengeance along with the desire to destroy anyone who stood in his way. All because of you.

Your index finger traced the scars on his face, your every touch a thorough reminder of how much you meant to him.

And then he saw the rings around your finger.

The engagement ring he’d scoured for months before he finally found the right one. The wedding bands you guys exchanged. His own was destroyed when his fucking world fell apart, but he’d held onto yours, resolute in his determination to put them on you again.

And now you were wearing them, on your own, without any kind of cajoling from him.

Because you were ready to be his finally.

Every night he pondered what he’d say when he saw you again. In his imagination he was a fucking poet, ready to impress with heartfelt declarations about how much you meant to him. Except now when you were actually in front of him, he was speechless. The only thing running through his head was fear. Fear that this was just a fucking dream. And instead of coming at you from a place of love, it was his fucking insecurity that drove his words.

“You’re never leaving me again.”

He expected you to be irritated or angry by his threat, instead you sent him an affectionate smile. Your hand brushed through his hair strands in a placating gesture. “Don’t be an asshole again.”

Heart full, he fisted the back of your head and pulled you close.

A heartbeat, that’s all it fucking took for the both of you to lose control. Your mouth closed over his, and he gave into the fucking whirlwind of craziness only you made him feel.

***

You felt Billy slide onto the couch behind you, scooting closer so he could resume touching you. As his hand trailed down your back, your body tingled again with excitement. He’d fucked you multiple times yet the two of you couldn’t get enough, your body wasn’t sated despite being utterly exhausted. Even now when you were in the brink of sleep, his close proximity was playing havoc with your thoughts, especially when you felt him caressing your ass. The weight you had gained during your vacation seemed to have gone to your butt, and apparently Billy loved it.

He dropped playful kisses on both cheeks, squeezing one and then the other with his palm.

“You were never an ass man before,” you remarked lazily, yawning.

“Yeah, but this ass is fucking piece of art.” The playful tap he gave your cheeks made you giggle. “And so is the rest of this gorgeous body.” His tongue trailed a path up. “Like the small of your back.” His beard scratched your skin as his mouth followed up the length of your spine. “And your spine.”

You chuckled. “Spine too?”

More kisses peppered the back of your neck before he turned you around. “And these shoulders… this neck…” His face sunk into your chest as he cupped your breasts together.

“Nothing to say about my boobs?” you teased.

“Hmm…”

Already mesmerized, his fingers danced across your nipples.

As he stared at your breasts, you stared at him, studying him. He was on his side, balanced on his elbow, and looked so deliriously happy that it made your heart explode. You hadn’t seen him like this in a long time, years actually. Before you left he was always agitated and in a constant state of turmoil, but now there was a look of contentment on his face, a calmness in him that was only present before the accident.

“Checking me out?” he teased, winking at you.                    

“Always.” You smiled, reaching up to palm his face. “You look happy.”

He placed a tender kiss on the flesh of your palm. “Cause you’re here.” He kissed your wedding band. “Back with me, where you belong.” Closing his eyes, he stilled for a few seconds. “I can breathe again.”

Your heart beat rapidly in your chest, like it always did when he regarded you with so much love and tenderness. “I didn’t think we’d ever be like this again. I was ready to walk away forever.”

His gaze darkened, like the thought of you even verbalizing those words angered him. “You’re mine. And if you think I’m gonna let you--”

You placed your palm over his mouth to shut him up. “I’m here for good.”

Billy didn’t respond, his piercing eyes holding you hostage. Sensing his anxiety, you pulled him close to your chest so his head was pressed in the crook of your neck. With his body settled atop, the two of you clung to each other in a tight embrace for a long while. “I have a gift for you. It’s in the other room.”

“Yeah,” he replied in a wry tone. “I met the gift. It was eating my shoes.”

You chuckled. “He has good taste.”

“It can’t live with us, babe.”

“Bold of you to assume I’m moving in.”

“Bold of you to think you have a choice.”

You smiled, languidly playing with his hair. “I’m not moving in without the beast. He goes where I go.”

“Beast? That’s what you named him?”

“No, he has an actual name. He just won’t respond to it.”

“What is it?”

“Ludacris.”

“Like the rapper?”

“Yeah, I like his music.”

Billy snickered. “No wonder he likes beast better.” He pressed a kiss to the hollow of your throat. “You’re not allowed to love that mutt more than me,” he drawled, his tone unconcerned and lazy.

“Even though he saved my life?” you teased.

“Even then.”

“Fine,” you sighed. “I need to go walk him.”

“No,” Billy groaned, burrowing his head into your chest so his facial hair tickled you.

“Stop!” you giggled.

“Can’t go,” he insisted, ticking you harder. “Not gonna let you.”

Your squealing must have woken up the beast because he came running into the room. Except instead of attacking Billy, he started licking him, especially when Billy started scratching his sweet spot. You watched the two of them bond, and your heart swelled with happiness. Dogs weren’t exactly Billy’s thing and you expected him to protest against keeping him, but there he was, playing with him.

“I need to get food for this one,” you said, sitting up.

Billy turned back to look at you. “I bought some a few weeks ago. Wasn’t sure what he’d like so I got a few different kinds.”

Your smile grew soft. Some of your conversations with Billy in the past month did involve the beast but you’d never mentioned you were planning to bring him home. Obviously he recognized you wouldn’t be leaving the dog behind.

You pushed yourself off the couch when he grabbed your hand.

“I’ll take Beast for a walk,” Billy offered. “You get some sleep.”

“I’m not tired.”

His eyebrow quirked up. “Good. ‘cause I’m not done with that ass yet.”

You laughed, reaching down to give him a kiss.

***

A while after you took a shower and put a slip on, you sifted through your overnight bag to retrieve your gift for him. When you sauntered into the kitchen, you found Beast on the floor, wolfing down his food, while Billy made grilled cheese sandwiches on the stove. It smelled delicious and your stomach growled in hunger. Smiling, you crept up and hugged him from behind. “Have something for you.”

His free hand snaked around your waist to grab your ass. “Besides this?” He turned off the stove before turning around in your arms. “Why the fuck are you dressed?”

“Because I’m hungry.” Retreating until your back hit the cabinet, you jumped up to sit on the counter. You set his gift behind your back, smiling at him.

He plated the sandwich and handed it to you before making a quick stop at the fridge to grab himself and you a beer. Your cooking skills had somehow grown worse, but his seemed to have excelled, especially his version of a grilled-cheese sandwich. Pleased that he remembered this was one of your favourite late-night snacks, you happily bit into the sandwich while he drank his beer and watched you eat. There were many a nights like this during your marriage, where you’d be sharing a bottle of wine or drinks in the kitchen, Billy cooking, you perched up on the counter and keeping him company. It felt like home, being here, even though it was a new place, and everything was so different, and Beast was making a ruckus in one corner of the kitchen.

Billy’s eyes were fixated on you as he took a sip of the beer, his gaze trailing from your lips to your breasts, down the length of your body before drifting up to your face again. “You don’t need clothes to eat,” he finally responded, eyes darkening again.

“So you want me to sit here, naked, just ready to do your bidding?” you taunted. You straightened your leg to reach across and touch Billy’s groin, teasing your foot along the fabric of his jeans.

Molten eyes burned with intensity, his gaze bore into you.  

He was hard, you felt it, could see it, wet heat pooling between your legs at the sexual magnetism vibrating off of him right now.

“Take off your goddamn clothes, sweetheart.”

You smirked, setting the empty plate aside. A few months ago, you would have hesitated to get naked in front of him. The deterioration of your relationship had left you emotionally scarred, broken, and too insecure to let yourself be vulnerable with him. But now, you felt strong and healthy. Like yourself, though even more powerful.  And so, despite the additional pounds you gained that once would have made you shirk and cringe, you took off your top and threw it aside. No bra, no intentional maneuvering to highlight your assets and minimize your flaws. None of that. You were simply naked and exposed in front of the only man who could break you. Except he was admiring you in all your glory, sheer desire on his face, his eyes glazing over at your full breasts.

“Come here, Billy.”

That seemed to snap him out of his daze. He closed the distance instantly, pulling your legs forward to wrap them around his thighs. All thoughts of provoking him left your brain as his mouth closed over yours, ravaging you, while you pulled at his clothes to undress him.  

And soon he was thrusting inside of you, pounding you on the counter as your moans filled the room.

You forgot how utterly emotional and transfixing it was to have Billy inside of you. Your walls clenched around his cock while he thrust hard, every part of your body inhabited by him so that there was no you or him, just one body linked together while the two of you fucked each other into oblivion.

Your nails clawed his back, his teeth sunk into your shoulder, wounds marking each other’s bodies with reminders of what the two of you meant to each other. Pain and pleasure, forever entwined.

The harder he fucked you, the more vocal you became. Somewhere in the back of your mind you knew Beast was barking loudly but you were too entrenched in Billy to pay any attention to reality. It was only after you reached your frenzied climax that Beast’s howls finally registered.

“It’s okay, baby,” you cooed at Beast, breathless and panting, still perched on the counter, your body limber and fluid in Billy’s grip.

“No, absolutely fucking not,” Billy muttered, his head buried in your neck. “You only call me baby. No one else.”

“You can’t be jealous over a dog.”

“Can’t I?”

You chuckled, amused, and then murmured sweet terms of affections to cajole him.

It took a while for your hearts to return to normal pace, both of you spent, his body weight pressed onto you while you clung to him. Still a bit dazed, you dropped a kiss on his temple. “We can’t fuck in front of Beast.”

Billy shifted slightly to look at the dog, who was staring back with a hungry expression even though he just ate. “He needs to get used to this.”

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” you mused. “Having sex in front of a dog?”

“We fucked at a sex club in front of an audience. This is fine.”

You rolled your eyes. “That was different.”

“Yeah, the dog can’t talk.”

Smiling, you pulled on his earlobe. “Jerk.”

“Still waiting for my gift, babe.”

You twisted around to see where it had shifted to. Snuggled behind the bottle of olive oil, you retrieved the sachet.

“What is it?” Billy asked, eyeing the small bag.

You loosened the opening and dropped the ring on your palm.

Billy’s wedding band, a brilliant silver band that matched your own, had to be cut from his fingers before the life-saving operation he received. Since the two of you reconnected over the phone he’d mentioned how much the loss of it troubled him. While the two of you were certainly not ready for marriage, you still wanted to give him something that showed how far you’d come. It took you a while to find the perfect ring, in the end it was a two-toned black titanium ring in a jewelry shop in Turkey that captured your attention. The design was a black ring, contrasted with a silver bevelled edge, representing the history you shared and the future that was to come. Although it certainly wasn’t as expensive as the original, you liked its sleek, sexy design and you hoped Billy would too.

“You like it?” you asked hesitantly, feeling suddenly nervous. You reminded yourself the ring didn’t have to symbolize anything. It could just be a gift, if that’s what Billy wanted, and not mean anything. “If you don’t, it’s okay.”

He picked it up, his face devoid of emotion. “You proposing?”

“No, it’s just a gift.”

His gaze shifted to focus on you. “I want a fucking proposal, sugar.”

You rolled your eyes in exasperation. “It’s too soon. We’re not even fully back together.”

Eyebrow quirked up, he leveled you with a heated stare. “You’re not getting out of this.” He removed your wedding band and handed back the ring you gifted him. “We’re gonna put these on each other.” And he did just that, sliding the wedding band back onto your finger. “Your turn.” He splayed his hand in front of you.

Smiling, you took his hand and caressed his palm. His fingers trembled, surprising you, and you looked up to meet his eyes. The gravity of emotions in them made your heart flutter. Swallowing the unexpected lump in your throat, you slid the band onto his left ring finger.

Interlacing his fingers through yours, he pressed his forehead to yours. “You’re mine. I’m yours. Nothing ever comes between us.”

Just then Beast barked, as if offended by the words, and you burst into laughter. “Think he feels left out?”

“That’s his problem.”

You chuckled, turning your attention back to Billy. “You love him already. Admit it.”

He shook his head ‘no’. “I’ll tolerate him for you.” His lips grazed your forehead. “Because I love you.”

For the first time since the accident, those words didn’t incite anger or disbelief or any insecurity in you. Instead, you believed him wholeheartedly and felt it with every fiber in your being. “I love you too, Billy.”

“You haven’t said that in a long time.”

“I couldn’t. Not until now.”

His eyes glimmered with hope, with love, with all kinds of emotions that made your heart want to explode. “I’m never letting you go, babe.”

Overwhelmed with feelings, your eyes watered. This was the man you loved - insanely jealous and madly possessive, invading your entire life and crushing through every walls you’d built around your heart. The same man who bought groceries because you hated doing it, took space out of his beloved closet so it could hold your precious shoes, and was now even willing to take care of your dog even though he didn’t like animals.

Billy loved you, protected you. Killed for you. And you did the same for him.

What the two of you shared wasn’t normal or healthy. Loving each other didn’t make you better people, but it gave you both purpose, a reason to fight for something more substantial than simply survival. You filled each other’s lives with hope and happiness, a rarity for the both of you.

Cradling his face, you kissed him gently. Even after everything, you found your way back to each other.

That was never going to change, and you had no regrets.

He was yours. You were his.

Forever.

The End.

*

*

*

A/N - Thank you to all those who stuck around and to those who recently discovered the fic. I can’t believe I finished them both - lol - but I was so genuinely attached to Billy/Reader that I couldn’t let them go. But it’s time now, I think.

Billy and Reader will always have a complicated relationship, but they have each other’s back and will never feel as strongly about anyone else as they do each other. I sincerely believe that and I hope the writing showed that as well.

There are some scenes deliberately vague or I’ve glossed over, mostly because it allows me to delve into them in the future if I choose :)

Anyway, thank you again. I really appreciate and am grateful to every one of you.

If you’d be so inclined, I’d love to read any comments you want to share :)

[softxsuki]

Heyy, I have an urgent request. So I have an eating disorder (restrictive type anorexia) and it was caused because of my mom and how obsessed she was with my weigh and what I ate. I’m getting help but I’m relapsing so can I request Dabi x fem teen! Reader platonic who is struggling with this? Ty in advance! Have a nice day!

Dabi With Anorexic Reader (Platonic)

please don't read if you struggle with and E.D and reading about it will do you more harm than good. thx

Pairing: Dabi x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Warnings: mentions of anorexia, food, being thin, unrealistic weight goals, unhealthy relationship with food, some aggression from Dabi, toxic parents, mental health, trauma

Genre: Comfort??

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 630

Summary: In which Dabi finds out you've been starving yourself and tries to help you out in his own way

[A/N: Helloooooo. This was a tricky one because I can't imagine Dabi being soft and truly very helpful especially since he has his own issues, but I tried my best. Still not that great at writing for Dabi though, so if this triggers you or anything let me know and I'll delete it right away. Hopefully you enjoy it though :) ]

Dabi:

Dabi is blunt, he says things as he sees them and he doesn’t hold back

Having his own problems though, he’s definitely not the person you should go to for help about anything

But you were friends and after noticing how thin you were getting, he had some suspicions

“What’s up with you?” He’d gruffly ask, noticing how sickly you looked

You’d try to play it off, but he pushes you for an answer, he’ll make sure he gets one

You were like a little sister to him, someone he wanted to protect, yet you looked like you were going through a tough time

Knowing he’d never relent unless you give in and express what you’ve been going through, you tell him

“Just trying to lose some weight, no need to be worried”

Yeah, telling him not to worry isn’t gonna cut it. He’s flabbergasted that as thin as you are, you’re saying right to his face that you’re trying to lose weight

For the first time in his life, he tried holding himself back, not wanting to blow up at you because of his worries and possibly make you feel ever worse

But he can’t help it, what exactly is he supposed to do in this situation? Force you to eat? Wouldn’t that make things worse?

He was stunned in silence for a while, trying to collect himself before he said anything he might regret

But like I said, this man is blunt, and as someone who’s younger than him, and treated him like the older brother he always wanted to be, he can’t help but act accordingly

He’s furious as soon as you say you felt this way because of your mother. Why couldn’t parents mind their own business? He sure had his own struggles with parents, not that he wanted to get into that…

But he’s also upset at you for doing such a disservice to yourself, how could you let it get this far? How could HE have let you continue right under his nose without saying anything?

All he knows is he isn’t letting it continue

He’d do whatever he can to help you, which may seem aggressive at first as he refuses to allow you to leave his sight without eating something

He wanted you to know there was a difference between starving yourself and eating healthily

Being thin was one thing, but he wanted you to be healthy yet still being able to fill whatever body ideals you had for yourself in your mind

Perhaps those standards were warped, then he’d try and convince you to be healthier and to aim for a weight that was deemed healthy for someone your age and height

The last thing he’d want if for you too take it to far and to keep lowering your ideal weight since he knows that mental health issues like these get worse over time as you’d never be satisfied with any weight you reached

He hears out your concerns, knowing you’d fight him on a lot of things, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was getting you healthy. He didn’t care if it led you to hating him for the rest of your life, he was used to being alone and hated anyway

But for your sake, he takes things as slow as he can, slowly helping you improve and making you see that there are better ways to stay healthy and have a body that you’d be happy with without putting yourself at risk

So have a little patience with him, he means well. He’d never put this amount of effort in helping anyone, so that just goes to show how precious you are to him–his friend, someone who accepted him as he was, he’d make sure to protect you

REQUESTS ARE OPEN (i accept the ones that inspire me to write)

Posted: 10/1/2023

[celtrist]

Well, the thought process went like this:

Man, Vaggie would have had greater success getting Alastor into feminine clothes if she used stuff that fit his style/era -> She can't do that though cause obsession is fuelling her distrust with Alastor, she is fixated on him but she doesn't see him as his own person, only as target of her dislike and desires -> Other characters too would have had greater success in getting close to Alastor if they get to actually know him and his preferences and boundaries and worked together with those boundaries -> Do other characters even see him as him and not some simulacrum of their preconceived ideas of him? -> Isn't that one of the main traits of tragedy that characters are doomed to their fate because their fatal flaws make them blind of the roads that do not lead to that one particular cliff? -> obsession au is a tragedy

In a way I did kinda meant Alastor being somewhat fine with feminine clothes (though mostly with the more androgynous type of feminine clothes, which would likely be form flattering pants and fancy shirts), though for main reason that I have a headcanon that Alastor is somewhat gender non-conforming. It stems from his haircut being a bob (which in 1920s was seen as masculine type of a feminine haircut, so Alastor wearing it would have had layers of confusing connotations). It's one detail that might have just been unintentional, but it fuelled this headcanon for literal years

- tragedy anon (might as well start to sign those asks cause I sent a lot of them and now am very invested in the au)

HOLY CRAP you had such a deep thought process with it, I love it! Again, I never really labeled the AU as a tragedy, but seeing your thought process to get to that conclusion cements it more into that's what it is. Many of the characters honestly don't see Alastor for who he is for the most part but as a "simulacrum" as you put it. There are traits of his that get through of course, but everyone does view Alastor as their ideal partner pretty much, even if it means erasing his actual identity to an extent!

It is funny you bring up the bobcut like that though, because I actually posted my own little idea about it a while back. Just to quickly phrase it here, I surmised that Alastor's bobcut was something he did when he got to Hell to A) show his respect towards women B) Potentially keep a link or reminder to his mother if she had a bobcut

And while you could argue not a canon source, we have seen Alastor's human form and there, he lacked a bobcut! (and also had a pair of glasses. I guess one eye got better vision when he got to Hell???). The design was made during a live stream but has been used ever since when depicting a human Alastor! Granted, so did Husk, and let's just say Husk's human form does NOT match his canon voice. So Alastor's human form may have had a bobcut, I just kinda doubt it. Especially with how taken the fandom is with Alastor's human design, and Viv doesn't seem like the type to go against it because of that.

I don't think anything deep was in mind though when Alastor was designed. If that was the case, I feel like Viv would've actually put his hair into a 20s/30s creole hairstyle rather than the bobcut. It was more than likely she just happened to like how the bobcut looked and it also covered the side of Alastor's head without the lack of anything on the sides looking too noticeable/distracting. Again, I like Alastor's design (clearly, I keep drawing it), but I don't think as much thought really went into it as it should have.

These two asks (one of which has a special guest star Edna Mode) has me going into a lot of bits about how Alastor's design doesn't work in the sense of who his character is: 1 2 And I mean, there IS good in the design (again, I draw it a lot. It isn't as god-awful as some people make it out to be), but I acknowledge that it could be improved A LOT.

But I do see your point with the bobcut either way. Because while I do think it genuinely was JUST a design decision with no real reason as to why he has it in canon, we do have it and it's something for us to try and work with. And it is, for his time period, a feminine hairstyle that would go against my logic for him! With that said, it should be noted that hair was always a bit more muddy in terms of what was for ladies and what was for men. Of course, during Alastor's time, men had to have some length of hair to get the hairstyles that were popular at the time, but it wasn't popular to put it in a bob. But the bobcut was worn by men as far back as the Renaissance, I have to admit that's definitely stretching it though. I will say, that I wouldn't be like... surprised if Alastor was okay in canon wearing feminine clothes that are to his style. I don't think in any interaction he'll ever want to wear anything sultry like Jessica Rabbit, but I'm not gonna say it's impossible that Alastor wouldn't at least be fine with clothes to his style or similar to that in cannibal town. I think no matter what he'd just have a clear preference for masculine attire, but I definitely get what you mean concerning the bobcut possibly indicating that he would be open to more feminine clothes. His personality just REALLY doesn't read that way to me, but I could be wrong about that. At the least for this AU, there's still that issue of Vaggie ignoring the fact Alastor is a man. Even if he'd like wearing feminine clothes on his own, he's gonna feel uncomfortable and miserable in them because Vaggie is deliberately trying to force him to be a woman and see him as that. And while he has high respect for them, I don't think Alastor would actually like to be one (but I have read some fun trans stories with that idea).

In terms of canon, maybe it's less about the outfits themselves and more that Alastor has to choose what he wears and then he'd be fine with it. I'm not sure. I'm not really opposed to him enjoying some feminine clothes, it's just not really something I think he'd like to do.

I will say that I don't think Vaggie is really putting androgynous clothes on Alastor, and I think THAT'S where he'd be more okay with it. Like okay, I think he's not really going to be cool with anything showing an inch of skin (his normal attire only really has his head exposed, everything else is covered! His hands are debatable because while they were stated to be gloves, his summer merch clearly had them not being gloves. By the same token, merch of Charlie had her having normal human feet rather than her cloven hooves we know and love!) The issue with androgynous clothing, especially in the 20s/30s, is that Alastor would still look pretty close to being a man as usual. So while I think Alastor would be perfectly fine wearing something like this, Vaggie would probably NEED to add makeup to give the impression he's more female than male. But she's probably experimented with outfits for him! Adversely, if you go by more modern androgynous clothes like this, Alastor's already not gonna like it because it's modern. But in addition, they do lean more feminine. But once again, that can depend on how you headcanon his character. It just so happened in this au, he doesn't like wearing feminine or feminine-esque clothing. This like everything else is open to change, especially if we see him interested in that sort of fashion in the canon of the show.

[good-lord-not-books]

Extremely self indulgent rambling about Dabi. MDNI.

Also this is focusing on a Dabi who isn’t charismatic…like at all. Personally not my vibe, but below Dabi is headcanon stuff.

Dabi doesn’t get flirting. He doesn’t flirt. He doesn’t get being flirted with. If you flirt with him he will not pick it up. It will go over his head and he’ll watch it with disinterest until the conversation moves on or he just leaves. Even if you’re blunt with him his response is “ok.” He will NOT entertain you. It’s not because he’s playing “hard to get.” He just doesn’t really get it - and how anyone would find him attractive, let alone worthy of compliments. He’s aware he looks the way he does. He’s used to people shying away from him; seen people cringe if they bump into him.

That’s another thing - playful touches, bumps, taps. No. He doesn’t feel anything anymore. Hasn’t felt anything for years. If you touch him, he wouldn’t tell you to fuck off so much as glare at you or look at you like you’re crazy. He’s not going to be an asshole but he’s not going to be nice about it either. Just don’t fucking touch him.

Ok. He lied. He has feeling in some parts. He wasn’t done growing when the initial grafts were placed on. The skin of other people somehow helped his own grow back. In some capacity at least. It would feel but he felt either pain or an annoying itch. He’d feel it peel away when he’d be careless - especially during the late night hours obsessing over perfecting the move Endeavor debut the day before. He wouldn’t stop until he felt like he got the move right. No, not just right - better. And by then he couldn’t really feel anything at all. He’d go to sleep feeling, in his mind, true warmth of practice well done. The embers seething within were just the heat of the passion.

It was the mornings after that he’d find himself waking up in tears because of the pain. He’d look at the damage done and the fresh skin that tried to grow back would be flaying itself off of him. The smell didn’t even register anymore. He tried cutting off the curled excess on those first few times he went overboard. He even used superglue to try and keep it back down. But then it would just become stuck while he kept growing, or he’d heat up so much again that it would just melt off. His skin was just…

He’s lingered on this for long enough. Staples worked best. They’d keep the skin down. Things getting caught in his staples was much less bothersome then the pain on flayed skin - so that’s why he tolerates it.

So no. A “coy” brush of a hand against his arm doesn’t do shit. Touch his hands and he’d flick you off - he’d even tell you it hurt (it didn’t. Ok, it did, but not that bad) - anything to make sure you didn’t touch him again. (You know that feeling you get when you lose the feeling in your limb and then the blood comes rushing back in? That’s how his hands always felt. Static).

And yes. He still had feeling down there. It isn’t painful so much as annoying. Made him feel sick to his stomach. He dealt with it quickly when he got the chance to be actually alone. There are times he had hired help to see if the feeling would stay away for longer. That didn’t work. It felt better in the moment, yes. Felt better than anything in the world because it was the only place he really feels good anymore. He could even sing it praises. But he didn’t like being looked at. Anytime he reasoned they’ve probably dealt with worse he couldn’t help but think but what if I am “the worst.” There are a lot of freaks in this society - some definitely way uglier than what he would have looked like. But he was different and he knew that.

He stopped hiring help when he realized he couldn’t be done as quickly as he wanted to be. Having to tell the girls to not look at him, don’t touch him, don’t do this or that…it took longer than the job itself. Even more so with turning down the constant “are you sures?” and promises of “I can show you a good time, handsome.”

He’s been told he’s handsome. It was a lie people gave to try and get something from him, like an extra tip, he’s sure. Besides - he was his dad’s son. Read any comments about Endeavor and in between the (probably) bot accounts fawning over him (a married fucking man, mind you), the real opinions would come out.

“He looks like a constipated ape when he’s fighting”

“Does he even smile???”

“Imagine being a man That Big and still being a weak ugly fuck lol”

So he looked like that and he had the scars on top of it. Hard to believe a “hey handsome” all that considered.

[shallowseeker]

Sometimes, I obsess over season 5-6, because...from Dean's POV, Cas just upped n' left.

And there's just...so much stuff in 6x01. His neighbor Sid haunts me.

Dean is grieving and prickly, and he sits with Cas in the silence for hours as they drive together.

But then: Cas likes being called Heaven's new sheriff, and he's leaving, and--

So, Dean's ugly hurt feelings come out, and--

DEAN: Wow. God gives you a brand-new, shiny set of wings, and suddenly you're his bitch again. ... DEAN: Well, you really suck at goodbyes, you know that?

Cas struggles for words, licking his lips nervously, not entirely sure what's he done to upset Dean so badly. (He was trying to be funny, be lighthearted and indulge Dean’s “sheriff” talk!)

Aside// I love how freely they talk here. Very quickly, they move into an emotionally charged conversation. Dean freely releases his true feelings about the situation, something he will soon have to bottle up in suburbia.

///

I'm not special. I'm not even a friend. The Apocalypse is over, and Heaven's done with me. Cas is done with me. I lost Sam. That was the mission my father gave me. I want to die. There's no purpose left in my life.

///

And then, we move to Dean in early season 6, and we see him spending a lot of time with his neighbor, Sid, who shifts from moment to moment, representing everything from Dean’s old life. (Sam, Bobby, John, Cas--all rolled into one.)

And Sid seems genuinely nice. He and the neighbors seem to tiptoe around Dean, alerting Lisa of his mental state, as if they know he's emotionally fragile.

Dean even looks out across the street into Sid’s window, like he’s looking in on their married life. Perhaps, he’s wishing they were his mom and dad, or Sam n’ Jess, or Bobby n’ Karen—because in being in suburbia, he feels sundered from his extended family.

Dean seems to feel like an outsider. (It’s strange, too, like he might even be longing for what Sid and his wife have with each other??? We get Sid buying Dean beer followed by Sid bringing his wife a glass of wine. He loves Lisa. He wants to be connected, but he’s struggling.)

And here, in the bar scene, Sid’s wearing a dressy button-down. SID: "I've been buying you beers for a year:" -- SID: "You're practically respectable." -- SID: "Wow! Every time. What is it with you?" -- DEAN: "It's like chicks dig unavailable guys."

This is not just about the waitress who scribbled her number on Dean's receipt. It's about Dean himself.

He digs unavailable guys. He's missing his old life, his family, his brother, and...the unavailable soldier, Cas.

It calls to mind Dean’s later lamentation to Cas, “I was there. Where were you?”

///

Later in the episode, the manifestation of his subconscious refers to Cas as "sugar."

Azazel: Yeah, kiddo. The big daddy brought your pal Cas back, right? So why not me? Add a little spice to all that -- that sugar. DEAN shoots AZAZEL.

///

And then, when Sam returns, Dean is chomping at the bit for news of Cas:

Dean: What do you mean you don't know? Sam: I mean, no idea. I-I'm just back. Dean: Well, was it God, or -- or -- or Cas? I mean, does Cas know anything about it? Sam: You tell me. I've been calling. Cas hasn't answered my prayers. I don't even know where he is.

///

Poor Dean.

At home, he's hypervigilant, checking everything, and staring out across the yard at Sid and his wife, which shifts to become echoey specter of John and Mary, as they die.

Sid brings his wife a glass of wine, a bit of a higher-class parallel to how Carmen brings Dean beer in season 2’s What is and Should Never Be. (Also, Sid was buying Dean alcohol earlier. Now, he treats his wife.) They smile at one another, and then the djinn strikes.

Sid grabs a CHAIR on his way down. His wife grabs a LAMP. "Dean, they're already dead and you know it."

There's just something about it.

His old life and longings are reflected in this Sid character, morphing from moment to moment. He feels disconnected--he misses Bobby, he missed his little brother, he wants a friend who's unavailable, and he wants his mom and dad to be safe and alive and happy. He wants an integrated life.

This strange, incomplete happiness feels like exile.

[whovianshifts]

first shifting attempt !

(well, since my year long break)

as some of you may know, i really love reya singh's reprogramming the mind program. so, lets begin a few days before the attempt:

i identified that, whilst i believed in shifting, one of my beliefs was that shifting was difficult and that it was complicated. so i worked with that. and after trying to reset my views, i still didnt shift.

anti-climactic huh?

it's not that i didnt shift, actually. i had felt so much anticipation leading up to that day that i felt so anxious and drained that i just couldnt bring myself to. so the next day, before bed, i decided to *actually* shift.

at that point, whether my reprogramming worked or not wasnt my concern (which i suppose means that it did work, because i've stopped caring so much about the specifics of shifting). however, that night, i realised that, whilst ive become less obsessed, i couldnt let that make my shifting attempts half-arsed and lazy.

so, going back to the basics, i used a classic method: the julia method (i used the alinur one on spotify).

before you continue reading, i just want to make it clear: i didnt reach my dr. but i learned a lot, i found my footing again and if you're interested in the learning process, read ahead! it might help you fix things you've been struggling with too :)

anyway, as ive been meditating a little recently, it wasnt to hard to focus at first. compared to all the other years ive tried the julia method, this time, i concentrated with ease. i didnt have any scattered thoughts distracting me and i was able to quickly move on if they did start to show. for me, as someone who started shifting wondering how on earth i could shift if i couldnt control my simple thoughts, this was a huge win!! it might have taken a few years, but i am confident that i have already overcome all the big hurdles for myself and am on the right track.

concentrating is one thing; even last year, after a lot of meditation and yoga beforehand, i was eventually able to calm myself. with effort, i could achieve it. but visualisation? when i was younger, i was a very good visualiser. but, at some point, that all changed. i often found that my visualisations were out of my control, that for example, when i visualised a house, a tornado would suddenly appear and just destroy it. even when i did visualise, it was with a lot of mental strain and my visualisations ended up fuzzy anyway. i think, on a deeper level, it has something to do with my anxiety and my life - feeling like things are always out of my control.

so this time round, i was so happy to find my visualisations were stable. i went from being someone who thought she couldnt visualise at all, even thinking she had aphantasia to actually picturing all the prompts in the guided meditation and being able to focus on my dr. what helped me was definitely practicing visualisations during my reprogramming days - i found an image of my waking point (tigris snow's guest room, check out my other post!!), saved it to my phone and just stared at it. i visualised every detail as i went about my day - remembering little things i wanted to focus on (the blue wallpaper, the red shoes, the grimm's fairytale book, the golden bedframe). i started just by picturing the image, then slowly doing a general 360, even if was fuzzy at first before it got stronger and i had established my waking point. so when i was shifting, i could conjure these up easily.

(to anyone that struggles with visualisation - this is your sign!! dont give up! practice it! its a skill too!! you can do it and i promise, it really helps with shifting in the long run)

so, there i was. i'd gotten up to the bit in the meditation where it focused on conjuring up an object in your mind and sending it away and everything was good. but as soon as she moved on and asked for this to be applied to the dr/cr situation (send away what your cr touches and replace with dr), it was all moving too fast for me. i think this was one of the first things that threw me off - feeling out of control and suddenly unable to follow on. for me, this is when i started disconnecting. counting to 100, i had lost a bit of focus trying to catch up with myself and that didnt help.

furthermore, the counting to 100 thing freaks me out. personally, it makes me feel out of control. i would prefer if i could count to 100 myself, as, when the meditation reaches 100, i sort of feel like the method is over and that i should just start again yk? idk. maybe my issue is that i want control over something that is meant to be spiritually freeing? maybe i should allow myself to let go more. i will resolve to do that during tonight's shift then.

after that, i lost focus. even then, when i tried, i could see a light from my cr and forcing my eyes shut made me lose the flow.

overall, this shift was a 5.5/10 and the extra .5 because i, having written this blog post, realised how far i have come in the long run and so that def deserves credit. i felt few symptoms, though i know that this isnt necessarily a prerequisite of shifting, and i didnt really feel connected to my dr? as it was my first shift, however, i dont mind.

anyway resolutions for my future shifts:

meditate a little beforehand to allow myself to be more detached and let go of my anxieties. trust the process more. maybe use guided meditation as a relaxation technique (because as a meditation i liked it) rather than as a method.

things i want to try out:

shifting in the hypnagogic state - i usually set an alarm for like 4am and try the hypnopompic method - but i am going to try and just stay awake until i'm really sleepy. i find that i have the most trust in this method, as last year, i had many vivid dreams and close lucid dreams after trying this. in terms of a method, i might just affirm a little and trust the process.

on a side note, writing out all my shifting thoughts helps with finding direction instead of being caught up in my own confusion. would recommend.

anyway, happy shifting

tish :)

[x0401x]

Hi, if you don't mind, can I ask from this ask game :

https://www.tumblr.com/theclearblue/761071267749265408/anime-asks-because-why-not?source=share

For no. 4, 6, 8, 13, 14, 15, 16, 18, 20, 23, 24, 28

Thanks if you want to answer whichever that you want.....

Ayyy, sure! Sorry for taking so long to reply to this!

4. Least favorite anime character: Kinoshita Kazuya

This one was hard. I usually have lots of characters I like and lots that I’m neutral about but none that I quite hate. One character that left me particularly grossed out, though, was this guy. I can’t say I hate him, but I’ve never been so instantly put off by a fictional character. The combination of being plain disgusting and stupid with having absolutely no redeeming qualities and nothing going on for him was particularly unsettling. It’s not even that he gave us nothing; he really only gave his worst.

6. Popular anime that you didn’t like: Violet Evergarden

Y’all know me. Y’all know where I’m coming from. 🫠

8. Anime character you’re the most like: Honestly, no idea. I’d like to know people’s opinions on this one.

13. Funnest anime you have watched: This one is kinda abstract. I have no idea how to measure the fun. My all-time favorite isn’t exactly what I’d call “fun” and I have too many that I consider fun animes.

14. Saddest anime you have ever watched: Midori Shoujo Tsubaki.

I know that this one aims to be a lot of things way above its intention to be melancholic, but it’s definitely the anime where I’ve felt worst about the protagonist. The ending is surrealistic yet too real at the same time. It’s probably the anime that had me going “damn, that’s sad as hell” the most.

15. Anime you never get sick of watching: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi

I have quite a few anime that I’d rewatch anytime if I felt like it, but this is the only one that I feel like rewatching whenever I see anything related to it. I probably have answered this in every anime ask game I’ve played, but Sen to Chihiro is my all-time favorite anime and movie.

Another anime that I never get tired of rewatching is Gakkou no Kaidan. I used to rewatch it every year on Halloween as a personal tradition when I was a kid and I have a physical copy of all the books in the series. I only don’t rewatch it anymore because I hardly have time for binging nowadays, but if I could do it again? Damn right I would.

16. 10 best animes you have watched: That’s tough! I have a long list of favorites. Aside from Sen to Chihiro, in no particular order:

1. Heike Monogatari

2. Fullmetal Alchemist (I’m combining the first one with Brotherhood here because I love the whole franchise and I’ve always felt that they complete each other)

3. Mushishi

4. Card Captor Sakura

5. Inuyasha

6. Rurouni Kenshin (the first one)

7. Soul Eater

8. Nana

9. Yu Yu Hakusho

10. Monster

18. 10 worst anime you’ve watched (this one is also in no particular order and there’s actually way more than just 10 but here we go):

1. PUPA

2. Diabolik Lovers

3. Drammatical Murder

4. Kaze no Na wa Amnesia

5. Nora

6. Ghost in the Shell: SAC_2025

7. Berserk (2016)

8. Mahou Shoujo ni Akogarete

9. Ro-Kyu-Bu!

10. Kamierabi GOD.app

20. Least favorite anime ships: Literally any inc*st and p*do ship.

23. Unpopular character you love: I don’t really have unpopular characters that I love, but there sure are characters whom I love yet a good chunk of the fandom detests.

24. Popular character you hate: Also don’t have any. I’m either neutral or love them. But then again, there are characters that the fandom is obsessed with yet make me feel next to nothing.

28. Most upsetting moment in anime and why: The entirety of Tsurune, lol. Because the novels (albeit not well-written) are leagues above it in content, depth, overall plot and character handling. It’s pretty much a spiritual experience once you realize what the author is trying to convey, which the studio not only didn’t understand but also tried to run from like the devil runs from the cross. Pretty sure the author also wasn’t too hyped about some things in the anime, as implied in one of her afterwords.

This was fun to do! Thank you!

[ranaissingle]

Coffee or Tea pt.2

Part 1

part 3

Masterlist

Summary: Coffee Shop AU where the reader goes to the same coffee shop often to read books, study, or just drink tea and stare at the walls lol. I don't know the exact layout of LA so let's just assume that UCLA is close to this coffee shop which is also close to where all the celebrities are IDK lol I live in Georgia 💀.

Rating: M (T as of now but it will change later)

Pairings: Austin Butler x Reader, Austin Butler x race-neutral reader

Word Count: 892 Warnings: Age gap and the reader is definitely fem presenting but I'm doing my best to leave out any other definite features.

Authors Note: I am going to try to get these chapters pumped out as fast as possible because school is starting up for me again tomorrow so I won't have a lot of time to write ;(. I can already feel the tears coming lol. Also, the reader is inexperienced with flirting and sexual stuff because she is also very shy and has ✦trauma✦. Enjoy!

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~5 months ago~

After finishing the movie, y/n was speechless, to say the least. The movie was nothing less than perfect. Her hands had been clasped together for a minimum of 15 minutes as the movie had come to an end. Y/N had yet another thing to obsess over during her summer break, lovely. Now that this was checked off her list y/n took out her book, opened to her page, and proceeded to get lost in it for the next 3 hours. Unbeknownst to her, Austin had not taken his eyes off her for more than 8 seconds at any given time.

Austin needed to find a way to talk to her. She was absolutely ethereal. Her hair framed her face perfectly and it took all of Austin's self-control to not reach out and touch it. As much as he wanted to do more, he was content to watch her as she finished the last of the movie and pulled out a book to read afterward. Oh, what Austin would give to have the confidence to talk to her. The only thing that a childhood spent in front of a camera had taught him was that he had much to be insecure about.

Y/n stayed unaware of Austin's turmoil for many more months to come but she was always watching the actor in the corner of her gaze. Seeing him never got old. His golden waves seemed to reflect the sunlight in the best way and his sharp blue eyes made her knees buckle and her chest warm. Well, this was new.

Although both parties desperately wanted to speak to the other, they remained ignorant of the other's desires.

~ Present~

Austin had had enough. Today was the day. Today he was going to speak to the soft girl with pretty eyes and supple cheeks. He would speak to her come hell or high water because he had spent the last 5 months formulating an introductory line and he was getting tired of only being able to dream of what her voice sounded like.

She was going to do it. Y/N was going to talk to Austin Butler today. Y/N had been telling herself this every time she came to the cafe for the last 2 months and she had yet to follow through. What could she say, he was intimidating. Y/N resolved to stop lying to herself and took a seat in her usual spot. She could just admire him as she always did and she was content with just that.

Austin walked into the cafe with a mission. He eyed the girl in the corner of the cafe where she always sat. Crap. He was nervous again. Coffee would calm him down and then he could hopefully muster up the courage he had been lacking for the last 5 months. After receiving his drink, Austin took action.

Y/N had not yet looked up from her book so she had not seen Austin walk in and order his drink. This however worked in Austins' favor. Because he walked up next to her and spoke when she looked up.

Y/N felt the shadow of a figure block out the light fixture over her. She looked up to see who it wa-.

Oh

No

It was Austin. He was standing right next to her. So close that she could move her hand a couple inches and be able to tou-.

" Hey, do you mind if I sit here? These chairs look like the comfiest in the whole store and I need a place to rest my legs." An easy smile worked its way onto his face as he finished his opening line. Success.

" Of course! Take a seat. I always sit here because the seats are so comfy too."

Austin could not have accurately imagined her voice if he tried. It was soft and airy just like her. He wanted to hear it again in fact he needed to hear it again. He needed to keep talking to her.

"Are you from around here? I see you in this coffee shop often so I was curious." Y/N was equally smitten with Austin's voice as he was hers. His was smooth and oh so deep. When he spoke y/n swore she could feel her stomach fill up with butterflies and another feeling she couldn't yet place her finger on.

" Yeah I go to UCLA and I live in the palms to be close to school. I didn't catch your name by the way?" The secret smile she gave Austin after she spoke almost took him off his feet. Her smile was everything he could wish for.

" My name's Austin. I also live around here because of work. What's your name?" His voice fell an octave as he eyed y/n up and down. She was drowning in a thick, wool sweater with a black skirt on and black tights. Her platform docs looked too big for her feet and made her ankles and calf seem all the more fragile. Austin eyed the piercings in her ears as well as the stacked gold necklaces she wore with the tightest one almost constricting her neck. Everything about her was captivating in a way that Austin was not accustomed to.

" My name is Y/N. It's a pleasure to meet you Austin." Y/N smiled at him as if he had just pulled the moon out of his pocket.

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Let me know if you prefer stories to be written in 1st person or 3rd person. I'm having trouble deciding which one I like more.

Thank you for reading!! Don't forget to like and follow!! Until next time girlies!

[chill-vibes-but-rainbow-panic]

7, 8, and 11 from the thingy that you rb earlier

:))

OG List

(I apologize in advance for the long answers, I just love answering stuff like that and I have a lot to say :] )

7. Your favourite tropes to read/write/draw

(I love them all the same, but it is slightly different for each, so I'm making a destinction)

Read: Honestly, kidnapping. I love characters getting kidnapped, and their loved ones worrying/rescuing them. This also includes more-or-less any type of 'going missing'-plot (incl. Char A just running away themselves). Just the feeling of "I have no idea where or how they are, and if they're even still alive", and then the relief when they meet again. Hmmm

Write: 'The world has been cruel and hard to you - therefore I won't be. I want to show you the beauty it has to offer, too <3' This is the best way I can describe it. Characters who've just had a rough time/life being unconditionally cared for and supported. Getting everything their heart has desired for so long. Short: Hurt/Comfort

Draw: While I have yet to draw this myself, actually (because humanoids are hard), any drawing of one character being hurt or scared, while another stands over them caringly and protectively - obviously willing to kick some ass if needed - has me go wild.

8. You hope more people will come to appreciate ___ (a ship, a trope, an episode, etc)

I understand that some people find the market oversaturated by now - that's valid - but still: Redemption

I love redemption so much. I want the story to gently cup a character's face and say "You are broken, but not beyond repair. You can get better, and be happy, and be surrounded by people you love and that love you back." They don't even necessarily need trauma or have gone down a super dark path, I also enjoy: "Character is a massive jerk, and we follow them down the road of being less of a jerk". These are honestly the main reasons both the 'Good Uncle Sly' and 'Apple Cousins' AUs exist.

There are few exceptions I can think of, of villains I'm personally obsessed with, and have not made a version of, where they are redeemed. I look at Reginald Bushroot, and Camille Chameleon, and the Dark Curse - and while for some more than others - there will usually be something at the back of my mind asking: "What if you didn't have to? What if you found love? What if you got to live a quiet, gentle life? What if one day you realized you live in a reality you would never have imagined come true? In a good way? What if everyone could be okay?"

Just

Redemption

11. If you're a writer or artist, what fic or piece of art are you proud of making?

Fic: Family Discount

I was honestly surprised how many people liked that fic. Between 11 fics in total, this one definitely has some of my favourite comments (and it also has a surprsing amount of comments, I didn't expect that tbh). I was a little worried about posting a fanfic chapter-by-chapter, because the last time I tried that I basically (though not officially yet) stopped after one, because I can't write slice of life, it seems.

But so many people got emotionally invested in my writing, and I honestly didn't expect that? But even though I'm forced to take a semi-long break (for exam reasons), it is extremely motivating, and makes me feel that (as vague as it sounds), my stories do do something. How much joy the stuff you make can bring other people, is honestly so cool. Even if it's just a little fanart, or an ask, or a slightly-self-indulgent fanfic :)

I'm proud of having actually got this far, and also having written something me and other people love to read

Art:

I'm actually a little embarassed of this drawing, which I know sounds counter-intuitive to the prompt, but I swear, there is a reason it's here!

This is my first, and currently only drawing of the Flim-Flam-Brothers

I had basically no idea what I was going to do with their designs, and I also only had 60min, with limited tools (because Colormari)

But the thing about this drawing, was that our prompt was basically just "New Years Resolutions". And mine was that I wanted to create more art, without getting bossed around by my inner sense of cringe. Because, while I have absolutely no problem with ranting and rambling and talking about my favourite characters all over the place; as soon as I want to put them into any form of art, my organs feel like they'll turn me inside out. It's the reason this blog has dozens of rambles about how much I love Darkwing Duck, and yet zero art of any of its characters (made by me).

But I made this - and kept it around - even though I knew the characters wouldn't look the best.

So this is the drawing I'm most proud of, because it actually exists :)

[krysmiss]

My Gallavich Intro

Thanks for putting this together @callivich ! 😊 Name: Krystal

Age: 29

What made you fall in love with Gallavich?

I love how they continued to persevere and make their ways back to each other. Most people in their circumstance(s) would have given up on each other and the idea of ever being together and happy but they loved each other enough to never give up, despite the universe telling them that they should. They knew that they were each other's soulmates so they clawed their ways through the many (many) obstacles that came their way and fought to make it work. Now they're together, married and happy and that'll always make me happy. 🥹🥰

How long have you been a fan? Since May of 2023. Very newly obsessed.

Favourite Gallavich moment/scene? There's a lot of Gallavich moments that I absolutely love but I'll try to narrow it down to just 3, in no particular order:

In season 1 when Monica shows up for the first time. The first thing Ian did was run to the Milkovich house to see and talk to Mickey. Though Mickey was hesitant to talk to Ian at the moment (because Terry was there), Mickey showed that he cared about Ian by agreeing to meet Ian at the Kash and Grab to make sure he was okay. That moment, even though it is so early in the series, showed how much they cared for each other already. Mickey being the first person on Ian's mind in a moment of distress, and Mickey dropping everything to make sure Ian was alright is a moment that's so special to me. They were so young and had feelings for each other that neither of them probably couldn't really explain if they tried to at the time, but they both knew that there was something more there. Mickey also already knowing Ian's work schedule makes me smile like a giddy little idiot every time lol 🥰

The "sorry I'm late..." moment 🥹💞. Even though Mickey had his own shit to work though with Ian's diagnosis, him still showing up for Ian and letting him know that he wasn't going anywhere despite it all was so fucking sweet and I love it.

The prison reunion. Nothing says true love like getting yourself thrown into prison and giving up your freedom because you found out that the person you love is going to prison and you want to be with them, regardless of the circumstances.

Favourite Shameless character apart from Ian and Mickey? Kev and Sheila

Do you write or draw or make edits? I don't - I'm not talented enough for that lol. I do enjoy seeing, reading and supporting everyone else's art and fics though!

Favourite type of Gallavich fics? I usually go for one shot post canon or canon compliant fics, usually full of fluff and/or smut, though I'm not opposed to multi-chapter ones. I love reading post-canon fics about married Ian and Mickey being understanding and taking care of each other as they both continue to work though their shit. Mickey always knowing what his husband needs and taking care of him, even when Ian doesn't ask him to, or Ian always reassuring his husband and letting him work though his own trauma always tugs at my heart strings 😭. I also don't mind reading fics that include the rest of the family. I want to eventually venture out to reading maybe some AU fics at some point though.

Favourite Gallavich quote? Idk if I can choose just one so here's my top 3 - again in no particular order:

Their vows 🥰. Everytime I think about their vows, I think of a headcanon that someone wrote on here (don't remember exactly who at the moment, sorry!) talking about how they each emphasized a different word in their vows and how accurate and on brand it was for them. I get the warm fuzzies everytime.

"Ian, what you and I have makes me free. Not what these assholes know."

"I can take care of him, okay? Let me take care of him til he's better... We're taking care of him here. You, me, us. His fucking family."

Anything else you’d like to share about yourself? I first started watching Shameless at the beginning of May of 2023 (after being told for years that I should watch it and continuously putting it off - kicking myself now) and as of mid July, I've watch it a total of 4 times. So when I post or reblog something saying that I'm obsessed, I truly mean obsessed. I have never loved or cared for individual characters or a couple from a TV series or movie as much as I do Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich.

[procrastination-at-its-fin3st]

MIRACULOUS MOVIE

Let's get into it.

Also, a reminder before all of this:

this is my opinion, you are entitled to agree or disagree

Spoilers Ahead

First things first, I enjoyed the movie. Is it the show? Absolutely not, Did it have a few too many songs? yes, but I had a fun time watching it regardless.

I've seen many people put in their opinion as to why the show is better and that it isn't their marinette/adrien. Of course it isn't going to be, this doesn't follow the marinette and adrien we know and love. This is an entirely different storyline with different character archetypes to follow that storyline.

I personally never went with the expectation that I was going to get the exact same characters, so maybe that helped my enjoyment of the movie.

I do personally feel that there were too many songs cause I felt like at some point all I was hearing was songs, which I didn't enjoy as much. However, some songs were good, so it wasn't all bad.

Another thing, I didn't like was how little the side characters were used, and I get why, they had a lot of time constraint. They didn't have the ability to flesh them out because they only had an hour and a half, but I still wish we had seen more of them. THIS INCLUDES PLAGG, JUSTICE FOR HIM

Yes, the movie was a little generic, but I wasn't expecting anything astounding, honestly it did way better than I thought it was going to. So I was pleasantly surprised

One of my biggest complaint with the movie though, and I honestly expected this to happen but still disappointed. The lack of Adrien back story and showing us his life and how he reacted to seeing plagg. It was very Marinette heavy and I felt like there could've been a better balance of that

So, on more things that I felt the movie could've done better, but my biggest complaints are the ones up top:

PLAGG, his characterization felt lazy to me

That gymnastic move she pulled, sure she got confident but that was too much

Could've shown more of Adrien's day to day

Showing us why plagg chose adrien, AGAIN PLAGG/ADRIEN SCREEN TIME

A nitpicky thing, but having Nino almost say he loves Alya

Songs sometimes felt out of place

How fast Adrien forgave his father (could've pondered for a day or two and visited him in prison, would've still been impactful)

I want to know what happened directly after the final fight, I don't mind time skips but I wanted a little bit more closure there

The hint at another movie (the first one was perfectly fine on it's own)

Lack of Gorilla

There was no sneaking out of the house for Adrien, felt like a very chill thing and he could just leave whenever

Plagg and Adrien dynamic more

Not to finish of with a lighter note,

Things that the movie did well:

Marinette doesn't have a stalkerish obsession with Adrien

I liked that not everyone was obsessed with Adrien

Gabriel maybe having more of a heart

Gabriel looking like the butterfly miraculous was having a bad health effect on him

How they showed Emily and the Gabriel backstory

Actually showing more of Marinette's fashion designs

I got the vibe that Adrien was more in a self study type program at the school, but that could just be me. And I liked that, made him still feel slightly isolated while in a school environment

Them actually showing them doing class stuff, even if it was just for Marinette messing up

I liked how they showed the passing of time, given their time constraint

I liked some of the songs, I liked how the first Marinette song after she meets tikki has the same rhythm as the intro song, it was a clear callback and I enjoyed it

How the akumas were done and how the villains were done

I liked that master fu still met marinette

I did like how they animated the powers and just the art in general

I really liked marinette's parents in this

I liked how Natalie actually showing she cares about Adrien

I didn't hate tikki's personality

Ladynoir having a friendship

How clumsy Marinette was in the beginning

Her being clumsy the first time she's ladybug

Chat Noir being way too confident in his abilities

They did a stone monster as the first one (good call back)

Sabrina having a heart and not outing where Marinette was

Chat noir's first song

Hawkmoth's song

Honestly, it just felt like fanfic to me and maybe that's why I enjoyed it but still found it's flaws, everyone has their own opinion and nothing it perfect

[adhbabey]

here's some autism traits of mine that aren't symptoms, but they're things that are autism and im choosing to unmask n share this with you all.

biting. just i want bite fingers. i crave to put them in my mouth. i want to bite in general. i know its not socially acceptable to bite people, but i want to. i am a creacher and i cannote change that.

when i was like 14 i was really obsessed with random xd humor. I would say "ekop" instead of "poke", because its poke backwards. And I had this one friend I'd constantly do this with. like "rawr" and "cupcakez!1!1!". We were truly scene.

Speaking incredibly eloquently, as one alter put it, "Human language does not account for all the nuances that I wish to share, so I am using the language to its full extent, detailing every complicated sentence that I can muster. I wish to share my full thoughts and experiences, but it unfortunately does not do what I want to convey in justice. So I must settle for the english language for now." Some of our alters can't really speak because of that, and its difficult for them to communicate outside of visuals and vague feelings. It's really either hyperverbal or no verbality for us.

every fucking alter being some brand of autism. Tsuki is ace and hates to put a label on things, the only concrete feeling she has is anger. Rai can barely speak/communicate, they are very observant and quiet, and they feel the most disconnected from others being the host. Kaori is literally the most autistic creature you could ever come across, they are just literally what you think of, they love all the "cringe" culture type stuff and adore being nonbinary. etc etc. Like, how did I not realize when all of us are some brand of autism?

Feeling like an outsider my entire fucking life. Even when I related to others, I always felt separate from the rest of society, and I must sacrifice everything in order to be loved. This has been connected to spiritual beliefs of mine.

Another thing connected to spiritual beliefs of mine, feeling like I truly cannot see the world, as if I have a film over my eyes. The reason for my self entrapment is a "curse" that a "film" over my eyes exists and I never fully can break free from. I realize that the "film" is masking and my truly unique way of seeing the world is my autism, and I've had to move through the world not letting myself "see" truly.

alice in wonderland, coraline, fran bow, all characters I relate to are young and unique girls that move through a world that is crazy and full of madness. Something I find myself deeply relating to.

feeling misunderstood all the fucking time. even if i try to explain my feelings or thoughts, I'm constantly put on a high standard that I have not been able to achieve. I don't know how to change people's minds as I speak with genuine intent besides rather obvious displays of frustration, anger or sarcasm. I was also the person who thought others were always genuine, and rarely questioned one's intention behind what they said. This trait of mine has led me to become gaslit by a few harmful people in my life.

my disorders all linked together, makes for a bad time. this isnt an autism specific trait. i just. if i feel like an outsider (asd), and have trauma with being treated like an outsider (did), and get really upset with other people saying nasty things about me in regards to not being normal (adhd + rsd), im going to have a hard time and constantly blame myself for being an outsider (ocd) and im gonna hate myself (depression). so its just like. hey i found a piece to the puzzle, but i already know most of it. and thats just the egodystonic experience for me.

but hey, lets talk about more lighthearted stuff!! i love kandi!!!!! it jingle jingle and it has super pretty colours!! im afraid to stim but this is the shit for me. this is amazing.

i'd love to use word quirks and kaomojis a lot more!!! but unfortunately thats not the blog for this bc its not plaintext. but in my heart, thats what i want to do and who i want to be.

oh i remember the last one!! I read this somewhere, but apparently since a lot of autistic people struggle to communicate their needs, they'll do things that meet their needs somewhat, even if they don't know why they do it. For example, wearing hoodies and heavy clothes because they're touch starved and want to be hugged! And I really related to that!! I wear hoodies and lots of layers all the time, or like just wearing my day clothes, even if they're uncomfortable. So, I do that, not just because I'm cold, but I need the weight compressing me, and i've always been doing that since I was young. So I felt.

Not really being able to read big books until middle school. I know there's people who havent really talked until they were older, I remember not being able to comprehend big swaths of text until I was a teenager. maybe thats the audhd, but i feel like thats always been my sort of "i think this was my developmental milestones that i hit late". And yes, I was able to read quite a lot for my age, but it always felt like something that I hit late.

share your autism traits that aren't necessarily symptoms, or you can talk about the ones you relate to and I wrote. Sorry if this post is hard to read, I just wanted to talk about it. :0 so ya

[floripire]

SHIPPING INFO // ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSE(S) SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?

@founderscouncil's jed is a big one, considering i came up with flori after reading about one of ace's wanted plots. i also like @d3adthings' pj and flori together because i think they'd be great. also, @ofvalor and i made flosie a thing - josie and flori - and i love everything about them. there is also @fatecrafted's werewolf, sylas priestly, who i love. sweet werewolf himbo who comes from a huge pack and has a lot on his shoulders. @loetise's allie is also someone that i very much adore and consider an otp for flori. platonically, flori loves the anti squad (mia, loren) so fucking much. she'd fight, die and kill for them. they are her family. they're my platonic otp for sure.

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

flori's in her late teens, early to mid twenties. so i would prefer to ship with muses in that same age range.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFW?

when the clothes come off and stuff below the belt gets mentioned. i may rb nsfw posts on here but i mostly write it out on discord.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

sorta kinda? i mean, ideally i would love for our muses to have chemistry but truthfully? if you're okay with it, i'm okay with it. so long as we keep each other in the loop about it. i've said it before and i'll say it again: i'm here to write and have a good time and i would like that to be the case for both/all of us.

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

bear in mind, this is me throwing characters out there that i would think go well with flori - this is not me saying this should happen asap: - xavier thorpe - scott mccall - kira yukimura - maybe even liam dunbar - tory from cobra kai - hawk from cobra kai - michelle jones-watson - mcu!peter parker - mcu!harley keener - across the spiderverse's hobie brown - any of the 1996!yellowjackets ladies - olive stone - season 4!cal stone - tj morrison - apollo burns - juan ruiz - tilda weber - jack morton - alyssa drake - lilith bathory - hamish duke - randall carpio - tally craven - abigail bellweather - scylla ramshorn - raelle collar - your oc(s) and i am forever patiently waiting for the day where someone picks up colton gobbo as a fc so we can ship together lmao. look at how he looks at her in the gif.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

just let me know that you'd like a ship and we can get the ball rolling. see #4 for more information.

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

i'm ship obsessed! not just about my own but about your ships as well. if we're mutuals and you've got a ship going? chances are i will ask about them. prompted, unprompted. i will love them as much as you do, i can assure you that.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?

heck yeah!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

tvd: bonnie x happiness, first and foremost because bonnie's my girl. bonora has always intrigued me. klaroline seems fun. steroline. forwood. i've also read a couple of tylena fics here and there. i could see bonnie x elena x caroline. also bonnie x caroline. i haven't read as much bonnie x elena stuff yet, i don't think. to: i've always been a huge fan of gia x elijah and i will mourn the fact that they weren't endgame forever. i also ship @witchfirst and @savagevillain's characters together. legacies: i shipped emma x alaric for a minute before i jumped ship to dorian x emma who are, imho, superior. when it comes to the students, these are my ships: josie x rafael, mizzie, mizziethan, hosie, hafael, handon (as written out on the dash by my mutuals, specifically because i'm not as much of a fan of them in the show), handosie (forever mourning the fact that they did not go there), i'd be cool with hizzie too. cleo x kaleb. kaleb x jed. i shipped both kaleb x alyssa and jed x alyssa. and also kaleb x alyssa x jed. i was also - and mind you, this was way before cleo was even introduced - a big lizzie x kaleb stan. josie x jed is also adorable. idk if jed x lizzie was ever a thing but i'm putting them on the list also. jed x hope. cleo x hope. ethan x hope. hope x maya. i wanted more for finsie to be honest. brock x wade has always been a beloved crackship of mine; they never talked in the show but in my head, they are in love. dana x sasha x connor; sasha x connor; dana x connor; dana x sasha.

stolen from @witchwrld & @seesgood

[rainy19days]

I guess I should make some kind of introduction if I'm doing this tumblr - fandom shit.

(It turned out longer than I initially intended and more like me venting on my life rather than an introduction so feel free to ignore this post)

One shitty day around September I started to think about the things that made me happy when I was a teenager. One of those things was reading yaoi manga (obviously). But I stopped reading yaoi (or any kind of manga to be exact), or watch anime, or draw, or write poems and stories when I met my boyfriend. Life had fucked me up and falling in love fucked me up even more but also it kind of healed me in a lot of ways, it's still confusing to me to this day. Anyway, I threw myself headfirst into this relationship leaving everything behind, I didn't need anything beside him. This love was my escape, I needed to separate myself from my past and at that time it felt freeing. Skipping 10 years later, I realized no relationship is perfect. Even this boy who I know FOR SURE that I've been chasing through fucking lifetimes to finally meet again, because he's my fucking soulmate, even he is not perfect, and well I guess we'll try to be better again in another life... But, I'm getting distracted here... What I'm trying to say is that we both kind of gave up or forgot about ourselves. We stopped being our own separate selves. And that is fucking sad.

So that one shitty day I decided to try logging into my old tumblr account. Of course I didn't remember the password but I finally managed to log in, and I immediately felt a little nauseous when I saw my original introduction as a 22 year old. I never realized it's been full 10 years. 10 long years of not doing the things that I used to enjoy so much.

It was kind of strange and unfamiliar to be on this app again, not to mention the last time I was here I was on my computer, I don't even remember if the app existed. Of all the blogs I followed only one or two keep posting. I felt out of place, so I logged out and instead I started to wonder if Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai had been completed. It was the first title that immediately came to my mind. I remember being obsessed with it and that the last chapter that was out but not translated at that time was when Yashiro left after having sex with Doumeki and talked to Ryuuzaki in the car. After some time of digging the internet (God, it's so difficult to find anything nowadays, all the manga reading sites that I used in the past are gone) I finally found out that the manga is still ongoing and without a moment of hesitation I devoured it from start to finish. All the feelings that I had for this ship came back to me with a new force. How did I live not even thinking about it for so long? Was I dead?

Not sure how I was gonna function until new release that was supposed to be at the end of November, I obviously reread Saezuru countless times. I also tried rereading other stuff and looking for something new but nothing compared to this. Then, something hit me. What was the name of this manga that I used to see some random panels of in my explore page on instagram? About some teenagers doing teenager stuff but also being kinda gay about it. I specifically remembered the panel of two boys on the bed, one with his upper body on the floor, the other on top of him. I was almost positive that there was number 19 in the title, so it didn't take too much time to find it and start reading. Yeah, the beginning is a little bit dark and I was a little confused looking at those short, a few panels long chapters and random art, but when the middle school part began I was immediately in love. I logged into tumblr again and proceeded to read as many posts analyzing this masterpiece as I could find.

I'm obsessed. I feel like a teenager again. I can't think about anything else. My mind is preoccupied with TianShan and I can't function anymore. There are so many thoughts, so many ideas in my head I'm scared it's going to explode if I don't let it out somehow. That is why I created this side blog. The only problem is that I'm an adult and I got adult stuff to do. I wish I was around when I still had some more free time on my hands. Also, I feel a little creepy for being 32 and drooling over 15 year old boys. On the other hand... isn't Old Xian about my age? Maybe it's alright then lol.

I think that's it. Just wanted to explain how I got here and warm up before posting anything else. Now I'm embarrassed thinking that someone might actually read this. At this point I can't tell if I'm going to post much of my own content or if I'll just abandon this blog when life gets in the way. Nevertheless, here's where my fandom journey begins.