#i know i fucked up the caption originally shut up

[demoralizedreprobate]

flamingo walked so hbk could run is all i'm saying.

gifs from 1992 wcw wrestlewar

[gender-trash]

(i am seriously late in posting about this due to The Problems BUT whatever! its here now!!)

somewhere around late november 2022, i asked my dad "hey are there any out of print technical books you'd like a reprint of for christmas?"

he linked me to a dubious black-and-white pdf of Foundations of Mechanical Accuracy. now, i wound up checking out a copy through link+, and the original edition is a really nicely put together book! the chapters are themed around various types of measurements (length, angle, etc), and they all have these cute little diagrams which the endpapers reuse in a lil repeating pattern... the image captions are done in this really lovely dark red that did not scan for SHIT... tons and tons of diagrams and illustrations and images (both color and b&w)... just, all around, a fucking nice book!! (see also @morrak's post about it here.)

and that made me feel kind of bad about the crappiness of the pdf, which is where the Problems began. i used my phone to take pictures of all the photos and color diagrams in the original and went about replacing them in the pdf, using what turned out to be the world's worst pdf editing software (i also got through replacing all the image captions in chapter 1 of 5 before my dad convinced me to give up). i did NOT finish the pdf editing before christmas 2022 (i was going somewhat off the deep end, because both my housemates were away visiting family and i had zero external structure in my life so it was just me and my cat and this stupid FUCKING pdf wrecking my sleep schedule together); i poked away at it for most of the rest of my time off and then got so goddamn sick of it i put the project away for months. "it'll be a birthday gift instead", i said optimistically (my dad's birthday is in april! it should have been enough time!)

gentle readers, i did not finish the pdf editing by april. mostly because it was such a miserable slog that i put it off until the last possible moment and then tried to make up for it with another death march.

hating both myself and the project again, i decided i was Not going to let myself typeset Anything Else before it was done, and then took a break to bind my immortal (using the renegade publishing typeset! i didn't do any typesetting!!). SURELY, i said, i can finish this in time for christmas 2023.

i'm sure you know where this is going.

in my defense i DID finish the pdf editing by christmas, despite first doing every other possible procrastination project (including a second edition of the little second century warlord book), because by this point my dad had managed to convince me to lower my standards. on the evening of the 22nd i kicked off the print job and said to myself "this will finish printing overnight and then tomorrow i can work on sewing the textblock!"

late on the 23rd, after lots of babysitting and using at least one cartridge of every color ink in my printer, the print job was finally done. (my sweet and lovely cat wants SO BADLY to hunt and stalk the printer while it is printing -- more specifically, the printed pages, i think because they tend to make noise and move and then STOP moving. for this reason, the printer is kept in the craft room, because the cat can be shut out of the craft room and thus prevented from chewing on the pages when i have an all-day book printing job going. unfortunately the craft room was also being pressed into service as a guest room at the time so 80% of the floor space was consumed by an air mattress which i had to repeatedly trip over in order to reach the printer and replace the ink cartridges.)

then i went to my parents' house on the 24th and 25th and apologized to my dad (again) for not having the book finished. but this worked out well because we finished putting together my awesome new book clamp:

(the feet still aren't done being painted so they're just dry-fit on for now but you can still clamp books in it and that's what matters!!)

i came home, sewed the textblock (french link stitch over four linen tapes, with sewn endbands made of variegated embroidery floss over linen cord, and kozo paper glued over the spine)

... and promptly realized i SHOULD HAVE PUT IN MORE OF A GUTTER because some of the text was getting reeeeeeal close to the spine. "it's fine!" i said. "i just have to make sure it lays flat!! what better time than to try out K118 binding, a technique i have literally never done before and which people on the bookbinding discord notoriously have a hard time pulling off first try! i even have tyvek tape for it!"

so it turns out that tyvek tape isn't actually tyvek with glue on it, it's tape FOR attaching pieces of tyvek TO EACH OTHER, which maybe i could have guessed if i'd done even the slightest amount of research or planning. at this point i think it was the 27th and i was still angling to get this thing done by new year's, so no time to order Actual Tyvek.

fortunately, i had ALSO received An Package in the mail with yarn for a totally unrelated knitting project... shipped in a tyvek envelope.

i peeled all the shipping labels and stickers off my tyvek envelope, cut that shit up, and glued it on there.

and THEN it was time for gluing on covers, which i thought was going to be easy because i had actually thought ahead and ordered materials (specifically acid-free museum board), except when i cracked open the box of museum board i decided i Didn't Like It because the surface was too soft and easily dented, so i glued onto it the too-thin board material i'd previously been using (so that the cardboard goes on the outside of the book). this worked super well (the cardboard stuff has a tendency to curl up from the glue moisture, but the museum board doesn't!) and i'll probably use it on other stuff in the future.

i thought the blue bookcloth i used was kind of boring but i showed my dad the available cloth options and he really liked it, so... what do you know? i cut the piece i used on the back cover very slightly too short but it wound up being covered by the leather, so you can barely tell.

and the leather... a scrap just baaaaarely big enough from my bag of leather scraps from discount fabrics... and this the first time i'd ever attempted to put leather on a book... AND YET the only complaint i have is that i didn't manage to put an even amount on the front and back. it's reasonably square and straight!! amazing!!

i am super super happy with how this project came out (especially given the number of problems i encountered) and oh my god check out how much the spine bends

AND, AS A NEW YEAR'S PRESENT, I FINALLY MANAGED TO GIVE IT TO MY DAD

[sarahowritesostucky]

Bucky's Hands 🫠 And Angry GIF Racists

Originally I saved these GIFs off of Google and posted them with a similar caption as they have below. Nothin' special. Just meant to be a cute drool-over-Bucky post. It got a few thousand likes, which was neat.

A couple of months and a few hundred reblogs later, the girl who apparently made the GIFS messaged me--very pissily, informing me that since she made them I had no right to post them and how dare I!

I told her I don't see any issue with saving a GIF off of Google to use in a post or embed in a fic, etc. They are simply clips from movies, after all.

She furiously told me to remove my post.

TBH, I was about to ask if she'd be cool with a link to her account for credit (even tho the GIF already had her watermark on it). And if she'dve said no, then I was prepared to delete the post just to shut her up. I figured she was 14 or something. Angry on the internet, what are ya gonna do, right?

But I decided not to say that or do that, when within an hour of her messaging me, about six of her mutuals started messaging me nastily. And then one or more of them began anon-bombing me with hate. At least one of them included racial slurs, ethnic slurs, and wished for/encouragements for me to go self-delete.

Since she or one or more of her friends are such ugly, racist people, I chose to say "bye bye, I will continue unapologetically saving and using GIFs from Google."

Then, to illustrate the point of how stupid she was being, I went and took about 90 seconds - 2 minutes of my time and made. the same. exact. GIFs. Boy was that "unique artwork" hard to make 🙄.

So in case somebody doesn't know my stance on this: I will always credit and never repost other people's paintings, drawings, digitals, sculptures, poems, fanfics, fanvideos, edits, manips, belly button lint weaving pieces, blurbs, and poetry ... but I'm not going to refrain from using a widely-available GIF if the maker of said GIF isn't readily knowable. If they are, great, I'll give credit. If not, oh well.

And if floridamatista (I think that was the name?) or any of your sweet, racist friends ever come across this post, I encourage you to reevaluate your value system in life, that you felt it appropriate to throw out the n word, death threats, and antisemitic slurs over. a fucking. GIF.

The hands, the veins, those thick wrists 🤤 Lord, I did not need a new kink today, but alas I have found one anyway.

(Go ahead and use without credit, y'all. Since they're, ya know, clips from movies)

[moodymelanist]

Nessian surprise pregnancy announcement

happy April fools 🩵 also combining this with this prompt ⤵️

After nine long months, Cassian could hardly believe he was seeing his daughter in his wife’s arms. She was the most perfect thing he’d ever seen — second only to Nesta herself, of course — and he didn’t think he’d ever forget the moment he’d first gotten to hold her in his arms. She was so tiny that part of him had been scared he’d somehow hurt her, but he’d stopped worrying about that the moment her small fingers curled around his pointer finger.

Nesta looked completely exhausted in her hospital bed, but she seemed just as in awe as Cassian was. “She’s so beautiful.”

“Are you surprised?” he fired back, looking away from their daughter’s perfect face to look at his wife’s stunning one instead. “I mean, look at the material.”

“Shut up,” she replied with a good-natured roll of her eyes. “She’s all you, anyway.”

Seraphina did look a lot like him, with her dark hair and golden-brown skin, but Cassian had studied Nesta’s features enough to know them when he saw them. “Nah. She definitely has your nose.”

“Whatever you say, baby,” Nesta responded tiredly. She shut her eyes and gently shifted around to find a more comfortable position, sighing as she found the relief she was looking for.

He couldn’t decide where he wanted to look more. Between being in total awe that his wife had brought their daughter into the world and that said daughter was absolutely adorable, it was almost like sensory overload. He decided to look back and forth between them every few minutes, more than happy with the pretty picture his family made.

He never thought he could have this for himself, but damn did it feel good.

“Don’t tell Feyre and Rhys,” Cassian murmured, his fingers gently combing through their daughter’s hair, “but our kid is way cuter.”

“Fuck,” Nesta hissed quietly, not wanting to wake Sera as her own eyes snapped open. “We never told them!”

“Fuck,” Cassian repeated. Sera opened her eyes and immediately narrowed them at him from his volume, and he sheepishly passed the baby over to Nesta before it turned into a full-blown crying episode. “Come here, let me get a picture.”

Nesta had been so nervous about something happening to the baby after the experience Feyre and Rhys had had with Nyx that she’d begged Cassian not to tell anyone. It had been hard keeping such a big secret from their family, especially with how often they liked to get together, but they’d somehow managed to pull it off. The first few months hadn’t been too bad, but once Nesta had started showing, they’d had to come up with increasingly more elaborate reasons for why Nesta couldn’t come to their family get-togethers.

“Say cheese,” Cassian said, holding up his phone for their first picture as a family. Nesta gave the best smile she could muster given how tired she was, propping up Sera’s head so her little face was visible, and Cassian snapped a bunch of pictures. “These are nice.”

He picked the best looking one and sent it in their family group chat, sending all the details about Sera’s weight and height and time of birth. It didn’t take long for people to start texting back, but instead of the congratulations texts he was expecting, he got a wide array of question marks and confused emojis.

Whose baby did you steal for this?? Mor had written.

Ha ha, very funny, Lucien added.

Cute baby, though, Rhys texted, replying to Mor’s original message.

“Why does everyone think I’m joking?” Cassian asked, showing Nesta the texts.

“Probably because it’s April Fool’s, you idiot,” Nesta answered fondly. She took his phone and sent another picture, this time of a close up of her sweaty, exhausted face. “Bet you they won’t think we’re joking now.”

He laughed as he read the caption she’d written with the picture. Trust me, the thirteen hours I spent in labor aren’t a fucking joke.

Sure enough, within the hour their entire family was gathered in the hospital room with a truly ridiculous amount of balloons and baby gifts. Judging from her victorious smile, Cassian knew Nesta would be holding this over him for the rest of their lives.

tag list: @perseusannabeth | @bookstantrash | @charming-butt-insane | @oversizedbats | @melphss | @sv0430 | @podemechamardek | @autumnbabylon | @live-the-fangirl-life | @julemmaes | @that-little-red-head | @jmoonjones | @sayosdreams | @thewayshedreamed | @hiimheresworld | @brieq | @pearlfortears | @swankii-art-teacher | @nerdperson524 | @snickerdoodlechittybangbang | @imsointobooks | @nesquik-arccheron | @sweet-pea1 | @champanheandluxxury | @dustjacketmusings | @mrs-shadowsinger04 | @unlikelypersonalknight1 | @goddess-aelin | @arinbelle | @talkfantasytome | @simpingfornestaarcheron | @duskandstarlight | @letstakethedawn | @vidalinav | @c-e-d-dreamer | @dealfea | @katekatpattywack | @burningsnowleopard

[letsgetrowdy43]

🌱 best friends to lovers with luca!!

𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

Im slowly working my way through the remaining requests in my inbox… I’m just swamped with school and writers block to bear with me

This is a part of my 100-follower celly.

@ynofficial just posted

Liked by @lhughes_06 and 839 others

@ynofficial the boys and I are Michigan bound!!

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@user37 congrats!!

@adamfantilli Go blue 💙〽️

@ynofficial that’s gonna get old real quick….

@user92 YES BABE

@rutgermcgroarty Luca and Adam are looking mighty fine 😼

@ynofficial you’re the only one think that Rut 🤨

@ynofficial just posted

Liked by @ynroomate and 1 282 others

@ynofficial my roommate is better than yours <3

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@adamfantilli but my roommate is your bestfriend

@ynofficial I stand by my original statement

@lucafantilli HUH 😦

@ynroommate I LITERALLY LOVE YOU SM 🫶🏻

@user19 the aesthetic 😫

@edwards.73 is you’re roommate looking for a lover 😏

@ynofficial please no

@edwards.73 you can’t stop love yn

@ynofficial I BEG

@ynofficial just posted

Liked by @nick.granowicz and 1 490 others

@ynofficial this post is dedicated to the thirsty girls in my dms asking for more content of the boys

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@nolan_moyle HEY! I was really proud of that drawing

@ynofficial you look precious

@dylanduke25 he looks like a toddler

@jay_keranen90 shut up dukes he’s a cutie 😚

@user83 yn is feeding us well today

@lhughes_06 WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

@markestapa 🥖🇫🇷

@lucafantilli Johnny is looking rather scrumptious 😋

@jdurks53 awe babe 🤭

@ynofficial ew ew ew ew

@lucafanitilli just posted

Liked by @user32 and 3 920 others

@lucafantilli happy St Paddy’s day to my fav Ginger 🇮🇪🍀

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@adamfantilli this post seems a little coupley 🤔

@mackie.samo exactly what I was thinking….

@user37 gingers unite 🫡

@ynofficial we aren’t friends anymore, don’t try to contact me

@lucafantilli you can’t stay away from me

@ynofficial talk to the hand ✋🏻

@user19 wait are they dating??

@ynofficial just posted

Liked by @ynbestfriend and 1 927 others

@ynofficial blooming romances 🌷

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@user38 the softlaunch???

@lucafantilli 🧐

@g.brindley4 GTFO WITH THE CAPTION

@dylanduke25 WHO?

@seamuscasey26 WHO

@ynofficial it’s almost like it’s a softlaunch for a reason 🤫

@adamfantilli I have my suspicions….

@ynofficial Ofc you fucking do

@lucafanitilli just posted

Liked by @johhnyorlando and 3 929 others

@lucafantilli spring breakers 🛵

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@ynofficial why the moped emoji??

@lucafantilli idk it felt right

@user38 this is so bf of you

@johnnyorlando this was years in the making 😏

@kienandraper did you purposely make it look like you’re dating yn??

@adamfantilli I think that was the point

@lucafantilli was it the point tho??

@ynroommate NO FUXKING WAY

@ynofficial just posted

Liked by @user20 and 2 929 others

@ynofficial peak romance 😻

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@markestapa just tag him…

@edwards.73 you two aren’t slick 🤨

@user38 I’m so lost….

@lucafantilli lucky lad

@ynofficial was that a jab at me cause I’m ginger

@lucafantilli maybe??

@user29 this is so cute

@mackie.samo didn’t know he was capable of love

@ynofficial he’s a very gentle lover 😼

@rutgermcgroarty DELETE YOUR ACC RN

@lucafanitilli just posted

Liked by @tshea32 and 3 928 others

@lucafantilli I 🫶🏻 Gingers

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[abbatoirablaze]

Behind Closed Doors, Chapter 7

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings:  cursing, slight angst, angry Chris Evans. 

“Fuck!”

“Hey...what’s wrong?”

You turned; eyes wide as you looked at your boyfriend.  He glanced over your shoulder and saw a picture of him pushing the covered stroller with you on TMZ.

“Is that...”

“Yeah...”

“How did they-”

“I don’t know!” you proclaimed, cutting him off, “Sebastian...what are we going to do?”

He sat down beside you on the couch and looked at the laptop.  You had come across the article by chance.

‘Mystery woman with Gossip Girl star, Sebastian Stan’ the title read.  The caption below it said ‘Actor Sebastian Stan ferrying mystery woman and a set of children around set of Kings.  Secret love children?’

“Shit...baby.  I didn’t know that anyone was around.  You know how I feel about paparazzi.” he frowned, “and you know that I wouldn’t have brought the kids on set if I knew something was going on.  We’re careful about it on Gossip Girl…I-I thought that Kings would be the same way.”

“I got a pretty angry voicemail from Chris about it already,” you admitted, biting your lip, “he doesn’t want the kids to be photographed.  And if I’m being honest, I’m pretty nervous about it too…what if people really start asking questions?”

“I know,” he replied, “which was a reason why we originally opted for the covered stroller.  So, the twins wouldn’t be seen.” 

“I tried to tell him that in a text, but he didn’t want to hear it.  Apparently just seeing the stroller was enough for him to call,” you frowned, “he’s blowing up my phone…and I really don’t want to deal with that call back to him today…”

“He’s just trying to push your buttons (Y/N).”

“Well, it’s working,” you sighed, “I feel like the only time he reaches out is to bitch at me about how I’m raising the twins.  I mean, he never asks how they’re doing.  He missed their birthday party when they turned one because he was busy filming somewhere…I mean, Scott and his sisters always check in…and his mom messages me saying that she misses the babies.  But both of his parents were here for their birthday party…he’s the only one not invested in them unless he’s complaining.”

“I can call him if you want!”

Your eyes widened and you were quick to shut your laptop and push it to the side, “Sebastian, no.  The last thing I need is for Chris to start freaking out because of how involved you are with the twins lives already.  Remember last month when he called because his mom saw that the twins got a haircut?”

“In all fairness, I apologized for leaving my trimmer out...i didn’t think Johnny would get up there on the counter.”

“That boy is an escape artist I’m telling you!” you sighed, laughing at the memory, “he’s only one and he managed to somehow get past the baby gates.”

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, (Y/N),” Chris growled across the video call, “my mom said that Johnny has a buzzcut.  Why does a toddler have a buzzcut?  Last time I’d gotten pictures from you his hair was over his ears.”

“You were telling me that I should take him to get a haircut anyways, Chris,” you tried, “I don’t understand why you’re so upset.  You said that he was starting to look like more of a girl than Shayla was because of how long his hair is getting.”

“First off, because you didn’t consult me on it,” he growled, his frustration visible even over the internet call, “secondly, because it wasn’t planned.  You had to take him to get a haircut after he got into Sebastian’s grooming supplies-”

“It was an accident, Chris.”

“He left his beard trimmer out,” he growled, “what if Johnny actually hurt himself, huh?”

“He left it in our master bathroom,” you reasoned, “Johnny crawled up the stairs and scaled the baby gate while I was giving Shayla a bath.  And Sebastian was making dinner so-”

“He should have been keeping an eye on him.  Or you should have.  What if he fell down the stairs when he was trying to climb the baby gate?” Chris asked, “This could have been a serious injury, (Y/N)!”

“I know, Chris…but the twins don’t like sharing bath time anymore and Sebastian said tha-“

“Sebastian’s not their father, I AM!”

“THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD ACT LIKE IT,” You yelled into your phone, “YOU NEVER SEE THEM.  YOU NEVER CALL THEM.  YOU MISSED THEIR BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR CH-“

“I WAS FILMING!” He screamed back.  You felt a hand on your shoulder and you looked at your boyfriend.  He sighed and gave you a knowing look.

“I-I don’t want to start another screaming match, Chris…” you sighed after another second, sniffling back your tears. 

You could hear his heavy sigh on the other side of the line, “Me either…”

“I know I messed up, Chris…”   

“The point is our son cut all his hair off because you and your boyfriend couldn’t keep an eye on him.” He reiterated, “and I wasn’t even told about it…my mom told me when she saw him at the party.”

“I thought you said you didn’t want to fight.”

“Well I need you to be smart enough to acknowledge that you and your boy toy almost got my son hurt!”

“Fuck you, Chris!” you growled, hanging up on him.  You watched as his name popped up on your phone once more, and you threw it away from yourself on the couch, not wanting to deal with him for the time being. 

“You okay?”

You sighed in anger, not realizing that you had started to cry, you were surprised when Sebastian handed Johnny off to you and your baby boy started wiping the tears away.

“No cry...mama...no.”

“It’s okay, baby,” you sighed, grabbing his small, chubby hands, “it’s okay, baby.  Mama is okay.  She just-she just is a little sad.”

“Nooo!” he cooed, reaching out to you so that he could grab your face in his little hands, “no mama.”

“It’s okay, baby!”

“Well, he’s right,” your boyfriend said playfully as he sat down with a sleepy Shayla snuggling into him, “we don’t want you to be sad.”

You sighed again and leaned into his free side. 

He wrapped an arm around your shoulders, and Johnny crawled between the two of you, snuggling up as well. 

“You okay?” he asked after a few minutes. 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Sebastian...” you nodded, “you’ve done so much for us...”

“I’m just doing what any man should!” he said simply, pressing a sweet kiss to the top of your head, “don’t pay attention to what anyone says about how we’re raising the kids...you’re doing an amazing job, baby...”

“I needed to hear that!” you admitted, snuggling into his side, “thank you, Sebastian...for always being so caring and protecting...and loving.”

“I’ll always protect you, baby.”

“I did it!”

Your brow raised as you looked at him, “What did you do?”

He only smiled as he sat down his laptop in front of you.  You could see a picture, and it looked like someone had superimposed the image so that there were two of him.

“What is this?” you asked curiously, “what did you do, Sebastian?”

But he only smiled, “the answer to all of our problems with the paparazzi.”

“What?”

“I talked to a few of the girls...and the pr team, and we came up with the most amazing plan,” he smiled, “we convinced the world that they didn’t see the person they thought they were seeing.”

“Huh?”

“I’m a twin!”

“Shut up, no you’re not!” you laughed. 

He pushed the laptop closer to you, and you looked more intricately at the page.

‘Seeing Double:  actor Sebastian Stan has a twin!’ 

“Read it!” he encouraged.

“Sebastian, this is obviously a fake picture,” you laughed, “no one is going to buy this.”

“Read it!” he repeated.

“Actor Sebastian Stan came clean last week when we posted a picture of what we thought was him with a mystery woman and a stroller, but as it turns out, Sebastian Stan is not Sebastian at all,” you began, reading the story in disbelief, “Sebastian...what did you-”

“Keep reading.”

You sighed, shaking your head as you looked at the next paragraph, “the Romanian born actor is actually a twin.  And his name is not Sebastian Stan, either.  Sebastian Stan is the combination of both of their names.  Sebastian, is actually just Seb Stan, while Bastian is a happily taken man with two children, living a quiet life in upstate New York.”

You gasped.

He smiled, “Keep going, baby.”

“We got to meet Seb’s brother last week when he came up with the kids to visit his brother, and girlfriend, Seb’s personal assistant, commented co-star Blake Lively,” you read on, “we were surprised to find out about his brother, and didn’t really believe his personal assistant for a while, about Bastian or the twins, but it’s hard to ignore it when you have two people who look like your co-star in the same room, and two babies calling one of them da da.”

Your eyes went between him and the laptop, your mouth parting, but no words leaving your lips.  You read the rest of the article and how it talked about how you and ‘Bastian,’ had met through mutual friends and you’d taken the job with Seb after he needed help maintaining his schedule.  But then it also went on to say that ‘Bastian’ was deeply private, and preferred that he stay out of the media because of his finance career.

“I told you that I’d always protect you baby,” he offered, reaching out to stroke your hand, “And it took me a while, but I did come up with that...and people are buying it.” 

“How did you get people to go along with it?”

“Well, Blake was an easy sell,” he smiled, “anyone that’s met you, really.  Everyone loves you, baby...and they want to protect you and the kids as much as I do.”

You felt your stomach turning at the thought.  Bile rose up in the back of your throat.

“Sebastian...th-there’s something that I should tell you...”

His brows furrowed, “what’s wrong, baby?”

“I-”

But you froze, your eyes going wide when your son toddled into the living room, babbling while holding onto a piece of plastic.

“Hey...whatcha got, buddy?” Sebastian asked, reaching out for the plastic that Johnny was holding onto.

“Oh no...”

“Baby, what’s this?” Sebastian asked slowly as he pulled the stick from his hands.  He looked at it for a second, and then it was like everything clicked.  He held it up, the little lines facing you, “i-is this a pregnancy test?”

You nodded slowly, biting your bottom lip as your boyfriend examined it. 

“Ye-yeah...it is...”

“Baby...ar-are you pregnant?”

Chapter 8

[we-are-inevitable]

modern au where jack and davey meet at a con but jack isn't super into con-culture, he's just there bc race didn't want to go alone. not that he hates it! it's really fun, just not his scene.

but then he sees a 6'5 guy in a spiderman cosplay- not just a cheap costume, one that actually has semi-working web shooters and moving eyes and other details like that- and jack falls in love. like legitimately falls head over heels for this dude. bc he may not be a fanboy but Fuck he really likes superheroes and hot guys. and it becomes his mission to 1) see him without the mask and 2) get his number (if he's gay).

but plans don't always work.

jack manages to get a picture with him under the guise of showing his little brother back home, and they start talking a little afterwards so the guy pulls the mask up above his nose and mouth, but everything else is still hidden. jack swoons so hard he can barely talk. it's not his fault this God of a man is really hot and also funny and nice

they do have to go their separate ways, though, after some pretty heavy flirting- No Name Spider-Man had to go find his friend, who jack knows is named "Kath" because she called him and he said her name. it sucks for jack bc jack was super into the flirting and he felt like they were getting somewhere, too. but Spider-Man has to rush away and that's the last time jack sees him.

until! he gets to the hotel room that night and all he can talk about is the Spider-Man guy. race is sick of it so he posts the photo on Twitter with the caption:

hey if you were spidey at the con today and you have a bestie named kath: my brother thinks you're really hot. dm so he'll shut tf up

and what started as a harmless little tweet goes semi-viral with everyone trying to find this guy. kath sees the tweet, sends it to davey, and davey makes an entirely new Twitter just to talk to jack: but he still won't take off the spidey mask.

thus begins their flirting. davey remains anonymous and jack remains falling head over heels for this dude who's face he doesn't know. he eventually learns that his name is David, eventually learns he lives in Manhattan, eventually learns that they even go to the same university. this carries on for weeks; they flirt and talk about anything and everything, from how their day is going to what their weekend plans are to their deepest darkest secrets shared over Twitter DMs at three in the morning. they get really close, but the mystery is still there: who is David? jack can't find his main account, and they only talk on the Spider-Man account David made for that original message.

it's by random chance that jack stumbles into a little hole-in-the-wall café off campus where his barista sounds eerily similar to spidey from the con/spidey from voice memos on twitter.

barista boy sure is smiling at him a lot. barista boy has a spidey tattoo behind his ear. barista boy's name tag says David on it.

jack pauses his order. he puts two and two together.

"...Found you. Hi, Davey."

"Hi, Jackie. I don't know whether or not I should be creeped out or flattered."

"Wh-- Oh, no, I wasn't- I didn't, like, stalk you or anything, I'm so--"

"How about you make it up to me by taking me out to dinner?"

"Fucking finally. You're on."

[urdreamgirls-dreamgirl]

Hi sweetie here are some q's for your fic author ask game!

3 10 14 17 19 29 30: Is there a fic,written by someone else, that you would love to do a remix of? What is it and why?

:) :) :) :) :) :)

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written? "sorry about the blood in your mouth (i wish it was mine)" & "i can't let go when something's broken" are my two favorites :3 (and maybe also the kiki's delivery service au, that one was just so fluffy and cute and sparkly)

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting? i'm surprised by how many people really seem to love "when i don't touch you" tbh! the mechanics/worldbuilding is vague at best in my opinion and i leave a lot of stuff ambiguous because i just wanted to tell this story of missing someone and needing them and fate and destiny. i am always surprised & very very grateful for the compliments that fic receives!

14. If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick? i wrote "sorry about the blood in your mouth" constantly thinking about how it would look if it was being filmed. that one is my most cinematic, i think!!

17. What’s something you’ve learned about while doing research for a fic? the last vcr was sold in 2016 :)

19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs. from chapter 2 of "oh my, love is a lie":

Steve taps on the pink highlight around Eddie’s profile picture. It looks like Eddie uses his instagram stories like a diary, posting his various thoughts throughout the day. The first story is a poll: “Would you fuck Jeff Bezos to end global warming?” Steve doesn’t vote. The next three stories are just memes. The next slide is a picture of a bowl of soup with the words “good soup” and after that is a picture of Chrissy’s cat with the caption “this eldritch creature lives in my house.” The last slide shows the results from the original poll, an overwhelming amount of people having apparently voted “no” on Jeff Bezos. Eddie’s added the words “dang, can’t believe how selfish you all are.” That makes Steve laugh, just a little. 

Steve shuts off the screen on his phone and sets it down on his bedside table. He takes off his glasses and rubs at his eyes, yawning. Then, he reaches over and turns out his light, before sliding down under his covers and falling asleep.

29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.) a scene cut from "sorry about the blood in your mouth":

“Max,” Eddie says, cautiously. “Is there something bothering you?” 

“No,” she snaps, still not turning to look at him. She’s torn between wanting him to go away and wanting to tell him exactly what she thinks right now. 

“Max… I know you’re feeling angry right now. Is it because Steve left? I know that you feel better when he’s around and—“

“What, you think Steve is, like, my emotional support dog or something?” She can’t keep the anger out of her voice, even though she’s really trying. “Yes, I love having him around because I love him and he’s one of my best friends. I don’t need him here to do my job. This isn’t Steve’s fault, by any stretch of the imagination.”

“Okay,” Eddie responds and she can hear some confusion in his voice. Max finally turns to look at him and she can see his eyebrows scrunching up as he furrows his brow. She can’t help but wonder how it’s possible for one man to be so deeply and irreparably stupid?

“I’m mad at you, asshole,” she finally admits, jabbing her pointer finger into Eddie’s chest.

“Me? Why?” Eddie rubs at the spot on his chest where she’d just poked him.

“Because!” She throws up her hands. “How is it possible for you to be so fucking stupid? For ten whole years!”

“Huh?” Eddie’s confused frown deepens.

“Jesus Christ, Eddie. Who do you think this story is about?”

“The story? Of the movie? Uh. Lucy is you, Max. I wrote her for you.”

“Lucy isn’t me,” she says, like it’s obvious. “I’ve been madly in love with Lucas since I was thirteen and I tell him so every single day. Try again.”

“But—“

“Yeah, but nothing! Eddie, what—if I’m Lucy, who’s Delilah?”

“Lucy is you and Nancy, Delilah’s El and Robin.”

Max snorts. “Okay, that’s a little funny.”

“I thought so.”

“But Lucy isn’t me and Delilah isn’t El. And neither of them are Nancy or Robin.”

“Yes, they are.”

“What—no—Eddie,” he can hear the exasperation in her voice now and now she’s talking with her hands, moving her whole body around like she does when she thinks the person she’s talking to is being a humungous moron. “You’re Lucy. Steve’s Delilah.”

“No,” Eddie says immediately.

“Um, yes! Just like you’re Ricky and Hector and Ronan and Jamie and Peter and Steve’s Brad and Tim and Adam and Martin and Matt.” She lists off the characters from his books.

“What? No.”

“Eddie, you’ve been writing a love story for you and Steve since the beginning,” Max tells him. “Aren’t you supposed to be the smart one here? Of the two of you?” Under her breath, she adds, “how is Steve the one who’s known all along?”

Eddie’s head snaps up to look at her then. “What.” It’s not a question. “What did you say?”

“I said,” Max says at a normal volume, enunciating, “How is Steve Harrington the one who’s known everything all along?”

“What does that mean?” His voice is getting increasingly desperate, pleading. “Max, what do you mean?”

Max rolls her eyes. “Steve’s been in love with you since you were twenty years old. He’s been waiting for you to figure out your shit. He’s read all your books. He’s watched you date other people and he hasn’t dated anyone. He’s waited for you, Eddie. He’s waited for you to decide what you want.”

Eddie can’t feel his hands. His feet are tingling, like they’ve fallen asleep. He can’t breathe. “He’s been waiting for me?” It comes out as a whisper.

“Yes, but…” Max trails off, looking at him with pity in her eyes. “When he left, I told him to stop waiting. I told him he deserved to be loved by someone who was brave enough to really love him.” He looks at her, an accusation in his brown eyes. “I didn’t think you were actually fucking stupid! I thought you were making a choice. I didn’t realize you really didn’t know that you could have him.” She rolls her eyes. “Didn’t he kiss you at the Golden Globes? And you left with that musician anyway. Even after that, Steve still waited. And didn’t he confess to you three nights ago? Didn’t he tell you what he wanted?” Max kind of looks like she’s on the verge of tears now and Eddie’s pretty close behind her.

30: Is there a fic,written by someone else, that you would love to do a remix of? What is it and why? oooohhhhhh, i don't know! all of my favorite fics are absolutely perfect as they are, but! i've read a kind of bring it on steddie au that i completely lost track of, but i think it would be fun to do like a real, proper bring it on au where eddie joins the team reluctantly and falls in love with head cheerleader steve. hijinks ensue. i can't think of a specific fic that i would remix tho!

thank you <3 :3

[witchern]

if you wouldn’t mind, may i ask how you got into your career? did you get a degree in it, what is your degree? how long did it take you to progress in the field?

totally disregard this if it’s too much! i just noticed your about and i’ve followed you for awhile and im a bit interested in the field you’re in!

omg of course, i don't mind at all! i actually kinda love talking about it – i'm the type of loser who genuinely likes their career (even though you WILL still see me bitching about the stupid aspects of it lmao).

under a cut because i am apparently incapable of shutting up!!

so i actually kinda fell into this line of work out of desperation lmao. i was originally trying to get a job in book publishing after i graduated college which is, like....notoriously difficult to break into. so after struggling for so damn long, i was at my wit's end when i had a thought like, "well, i grew up using social media. i'm on it all the time. i know how it works. lemme see if i can finagle this into a resume."

and then somehow it fucking worked??? i saw a job posting looking for a social media person to work specifically on this one company's twitter and tumblr accounts. yes, they were on tumblr. in 2016. and they needed someone who knew how it worked and how to run a blog. i was the only terminally online loser who fit the bill, and that's literally how i got started.

as far as degrees go, i majored in creative writing. social media degrees/studies were only JUST getting off the ground when i graduated, so it wasn't much of a thing back then. everything i know was either self-taught or learned via the WONDERFUL community of social media managers i've found over the years. there are SO many people who work in this field who are eager to help each other out, because the irony of it all is that it's.....kind of an isolating job? even though you're basically the frontline/mouthpiece of the company, your coworkers tend to forget about you. i've been left out of whole entire marketing meetings because they figured they could just hand me a pile of random content with ZERO context and i'd just be able to magically piece everything together by myself. so it's nice to have a community of folks that have been through the same struggles and can act as a shoulder for you to lean on when things get frustrating. and yeah, if i ever have a question about anything – from "what's a reasonable salary range for this position" to "what the fuck is going on with the instagram algorithm today" – someone will always answer.

and as for job progression, it's funny – when it comes to the actual job function, i haven't really "risen" up the ranks that much, but i LIKE it that way! i don't want to be a manager or anything like that – i really do love being the person who gets to dream up the content, write the captions, film the videos (sometimes), and figure out the best ways to share them. i've worked at 4 different companies since 2016 and by total coincidence, at each company i was the first person they'd ever hired to run social media as a single entity, rather than just handing it off to an employee who already had a full-time job of their own. so that means i also get to set all the benchmarks and design all the platform strategies from scratch – which sounds daunting but again, i'm the kind of loser who finds that shit fun lmao. it's partly creative and partly analytical, so it never gets boring.

ANYWAY yeah, can you tell i love chatting about this stuff lmao. it started out with me bullshitting my way into that first job by being like "i've been terminally online since 2009, please hire me" and now i actually DO know what i'm doing. kind of nuts!! i love it lol 💕

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

THE GOLDFINCH (movie reaction)

Ik some stiff from the wiki but I don't remember much and I haven't read the book.

She's already dead??

Are we in the fresh or an office?

TIMESKIP??

Blood??

Damn

It's all your fault and ALSO there's no way it could have gone different?? My dude please stay talking SENSE soon.

The ✨️painting✨️

Dusty graveyard??

DUSTY PAINTING

So the soliloquy is AFTER Boris stole it and BEFORE the get reunited I'm thinking 🤔

✨️little Theo✨️

Okay so we DON'T see the explosion..

Who is this lady? Is she adopting him?

Damn, his parents rly had no friends huh?

How do I already want to punch this woman?

Well at least she's being nice

Some "Ahndy" nerd you is here. Tbf I fully expected a SoUE "how'd you do it? How'd you set the fire?" Type thing.

"No choice" "happy to have you" which is it??

"WoRsT tWo WeEkS oF mY lIfE" my dude the guy next to you just became an orphan

Stg they better handle this nightmare properly.

Better for what? Does he even know how to call your home phone?

Wait he wasn't at the museum? Wait no he WAS. Who's fucking plate??

"ToUgH lUcK" shut the fuck up Robbie from Gravity Falls.

Nerd boy's here too ig. DEFEND HIM.

"Cure for everything" shut up. Ooh, fine art! Perfectly acceptable topic of convo. 🙄

Get your dirty hands off her ring 🤬

Are those prescription? At least she's trying with the nightmare.

Damn. They're really interrogating this KID.

What does this other kid have to do with anything? Does she come back? Why'd he lie?

Why tf are they asking "where exactly" he was? If he gets it wrong, or even right, how the fuck does it help??

"Fight me" -kid in sweater

Nerd boy's nice at least.

Do you can defend him next time btw. I've seen you try to fight that guy.

Hobart is the guy who's ring it ACTUALLY is, right? Or his partner?

Okay so Hobart is the alive one.

He slays in that coat

That guy has a nice voice I think.

Damn they really PUBLICIZED that shit? Private info!

So he dipped recently? Holy shit I will kill that man.

My dude nobody is trying to take that sandwich from you (/ref)

Hiii Pippaaaa (/p)

Is that a shoes quilt?? Is the haircut on purpose? Hearts like El. She's still injured. The haircut is indeed, not on purpose.

She's nice. I like her.

"Want some MORPHINE??"

The bestieism of it all 🥰

Wait were they business partners and raising a kid together? Oh that's so cool of them.

The captions keep calling unnamed characters "WO(man)" 💀

Wait whose earrings??

THERE IT ISSS

If I had to quit playing- anyways sad.

Maybe you can get her weird rich aunt to take you in too.

I smell a shovel talk. THERE'S A BIRD CAGE BEHIND HIM.

Who is this guy? Yk what maybe it's better he isn't starting with them.

"Destroyed" okay Weatherboy.

Nerd boy ✨️🥰

TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH HOLY SHIT

"They've grown quite fond of you" like he's a goddamn stray cat wtaf.

"You never know what's going to decide your future" damn straight

Why does Mrs.Barbour always look like she's about to cry and also like she's trying to stay composed while hanging from her neck by a track on the ceiling?? [Do I need to tag a tw for that? I'm not sure which one.]

Oh fuck his asshole dad is back fuck this.

WAIT THE VEGAS PLOT

Ah yes, Vegas. Well known for changing ppl for the better.

Xandra looks like a slightly off clone. Idk how to explain it.

OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP. KEEP HIS MOTHER'S NAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

Dumbass.

Why does Mrs.B look like she's about to tell me I'm the chosen one and deliver some fucking prophecy??

Top tier sound track 10/10

Do you think they were even displaying the original painting? Shouldn't the original be locked up with a replica on display.

This is unsafe. Get out. Holy fuck get out.

My boy it has been FAR too long since that pool has been cleaned what the fuck.

Nobody cares about your dumb fuck social life.

Okay I'm fine. Yes absolutely social pressure sucks ass.

Theo looks like he's about to roast the fuck out of this guy in incomprehensible academic language.

He looks like he clocks his body's reaction to emotions instead of acknowledging that he has emotions. (/nue)

"I know all about you" well I don't care.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck.

He's just some guy. In a suit.

No do it I don't want to be aware of the passage of time. Wait why does she look the same?

"Any of your old school crowd" [read:Boris]

Wait is she flirting? Help if someone said that to me I wouldn't pick up on SHIT.

Oh so he can go to the post office? So he's close enough to civilization to RUN AWAY

BUS

Emo boyy

He wears a goddamn BLAZER to school I'm CACKLING.

I thought his accent wouldn't be that bad. I was wrong. He had uttered but one full sentence yet I hate it. (Will likely not last long)

MOOD.

WAIT BLOND SHORTY (/ref)

HIS FUCKING UMBRELLA

They have him a while seperate soundtrack I smell a romance arc.

"Omg same bro" -Theo

"Life, eh?"

BOYFRIEND SHOPLIFTING SEQUENCE

The Joey Rooney T-shirt KILL ME. (/pos)

Stranger danger what the fuck

Why is he being nice I'm scared

Tell me "gimme ur social security" doesn't give bad vibes

"Gave me a second chance" what choice did he have??

The boyfriendism of it all.

✨️sweater✨️

Oh.

Holy fuck SAY SOMETHING GODDAMNIT

✨️cop movies✨️ (/ref)

You have your own shirts, do you not?

It's Buster

"Keine Anung"

What if his boogers got stuck in there?

Wait it's their pool?

Pretty sure that's not safe.

No that man sitting up isn't dead is he? Oh its that the ring man? Okay but what the actual fuck is he saying??

It is lucky he didn't give that ring to me bc I would forget those instructions IMMEDIATELY.

Where is she?

That is the most awkward hug I've ever seen

What are you planning?

I hate you.

I fucking knew it.

Wait is he related to Owen Wilson?

I FUCKING KNEW IT.

RUN FOR IT IS RUIN RUN RUN RUN

Gay little swing set scene. <2

✨️act normal✨️

My dude he is not in the right mind to hear this.

But good riddance.

Well that never stopped him before.

I hate you.

GO WITH HIM. GODDAMMIT GO WITH HIM GO WITH HIM GO WITH HIM!

Crazy to go tonight. (Crazy together)(/ref)(can you tell what fandom I'm from?)

Wait does Xandra have the mom's earrings?

GO WITH HIM!

I'm gonna CRY HOLY SHIT

I'm crying.

(Srsly though why couldn't he go with him) /gen)

If the dog dies I'm suing for emotional damage.

Oh for real? He's marrying Kitsey??

Stab me with a blunt screw driver.

Are they DearEvanHansen-ing him??

Wait I just got a GOD TIER meme Idea😈

Old man doesn't know shit (lying)

Fun fact that painting is a replica

Finn fact I have something important to tell you

Kitsey your husband can see you.

What does "try to break it off" mean?? Don't you simply break up??(/gen)

"I don't expect you to know what it's like to be in love with the wrong person" well I do expect that so shut up.

Srsly though what does Reeve even think he's getting out of that deal?

Pov: your life has gone to shit.

Wait why not give her the Ozma one? Are you gonna sell that one?

Ikykyk lol no

UM WHY haven't they met??

Don't worry. Nobody can tell.

Wish we could've seen it in color, though.

"It was my fault" why are they given the same backstory?

Looking up, looking down, is she choosing what she's allowed to cry about?

BLAZER

It's HIM

The SMILE

(It wasn't an accident in the books, was it?)

He's not even Russian wtf??

With XANDRA!?

Tea time ig..

*his breath catches* (/ref)

"I'm getting married ☹️"

"Someone else" -someone else

Wait which thing you did? Rushed kiss confession, recreation painting, or running off?

Where even is this room?

FUCK YEAH SLAY SOUNDTRACK IS BACK!

Oh wait is not even that is a book? Do when he was talking abt Sandra from civics class-

"I've come to sink further down in SHIT."

Shouldn't you say you know a guy?

Hi Platt.

FIRE jacket

The bestie glare lol

Why hasn't he met her godmother before??

Wait does Boris die??

Shaky camera oh shit oh fuck no he's gonna die

Not the letter paralell-

Oh shit he's totally gonna die oh fuck if my boy gets killed-

Oh it's fine. What was the body jacket tho? I feel like we aren't out of the woods yet.

Ugh of course. Wait is he grabbing his shoulder? Is it non-fatal? (False hope)

OOOOO WHATCHA SAYYYYY (/ref)

He killed a man.

You wouldn't have.

Did you just OD ever there?(/ref)

WE CAN FINALLY SEE HIS MOM'S FACE

HE'S ALIVE

HE'S ALIIIVE (/ref)

Happy endings all around :) (nervously checks progress bar)

Heart ey- *gunshots* (/ref)

"Happy Christmas, Potter."

WHAT ABOUT THE DOG!?

Tl;dr: kill me (/pos)

[corpsentry]

a love like burning

[blueathens]

Biggest Win Of All

Summary: In which Ben thanks his biggest supporter in his success.

Instagram File

DISCLAIMER: None of these images are mine, credit goes to original owners

A/N: I still suck at these...I definitely prefer writing XD

Requested

Masterlist//Main Masterlist//Agape Masterlist

y/n.l/n ✔️

liked by hazardeden_10 and 8,187,876 others

y/n.l/n haha butt

see all comments

masonmount i’ll tap that ↪️benchilwell date with me at 7 ;) ↪️masonmount i’ll pick you up handsome! ↪️y/n.l/n thank god you’re taking him off my hands! thought i’ll never get rid of him!

y/n10 how does a man have a better arse than me?

bjc21 he needs to drop he workout routine

y/n.l/n ✔️

liked by blakelively and 8,876,234 others

y/n.l/n that should be me...with kai

see all comments

benchilwell i think you misspelled my name babe x ↪️ y/n.l/n you’re right its spelt s-o-p-h-i-a ↪️benchilwell i’m going to blame this on your dyslexia x

kaihavertz29 stealing your boyfriend ↪️ y/n.l/n and i’m stealing your girlfriend...at least she doesn’t use gel :)

england story

tagged benchilwell

caption: Chilly in training

benchilwell story

tagged y/n.l/n

caption: got to teach my girl 💛

benchilwell ✔️

liked by declanrice and 354,931 others

benchilwell We did it!!!!

see all comments

declanrice what a performance bro🔥

jhenderson Congrats chilly!! 🏆 ↪️ y/n.l/n no fair you got the smexy goose to comment on your post

dele my brother

y/n.l/n i never fucked a champion before :) ↪️masonmount that is disgusting ↪️y/n.l/n only saying that cause you’ll never get laid with those shitty pickup lines :) ↪️masonmount fuck off ↪️ y/n.l/n LANGUAGE!! THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT ↪️ masonmount says the five year old

benchilwell ✔️

liked by rlc and 534,312 others

tagged y/n.l/n

benchilwell despite the big win, Y/n is my biggest win of all

see all comments

masonmount ew cheesy...where is my post?

y/n.l/n @kaihavertz29 hahahaha he’s touching my butt now ↪️kaihavertz29 y/n...i was touching his butt in the other post ↪️y/n.l/n ...shut up...he never touched your butt so ha ↪️timowerner what are you four? ↪️y/n.l/n five actually :)

masonmount @y/n.l/n you know chilly lets me touch his butt all the time ↪️y/n.l/n who asked? ↪️benchilwell what is everyone’s obsession with my arse? ↪️y/n.l/n have you not seen it? its as big as an elephant! ↪️masonmount an elephant? ↪️benchilwell want to know what else is big😏 ↪️ y/n.l/n a dinosaur :)

General Taglist: @mountsmason @itscominghome @footballmusic19 @in-my-body-bag @nooooojimmyprotested @gabzs-things @1-800-benji-chilwell @delmomentrry @maseandkepa @blazingmount@imareallycoolperson@somedaytakethetime@declansmount​ @mrschilly @christianpulisbitch @greykitkepa​​

Ben Taglist: @weddingdisco @thiagos-silva​ @chilwell-21 @benluvbot​ @spngi

[arcanadreams]

That time you and your demon boyfriend went viral

hi yes hello obey me fandom!! my name is Gabbi and i have never played a single second of the actual game but i have read enough fanon content for the past year to have this idea swimming around in my head and now i am finally letting this accursed thing out of my brain and putting it in yours

also i’m only doing the brothers because any more than that and i’d have an aneurysm probably. oh and shoutout to @obeythebutler and @beels-burger-babe for inspiring me with their works to feel brave enough to write for this fandom

Lucifer:

You and Lucifer go viral on Asmo’s Devilgram story!

You’re in the kitchen helping Asmo with dinner duty and singing along to one of your playlists of human realm music that you like to show him.

Asmo starts filming your cute little dance while you stir the pot on the stove because you are just adorable!

About ten seconds into him filming, Lucifer appears in the doorway with quite the stern look on his face. You know, the one that comes right before a “MAMMOOOOOON” and strikes fear into the heart of all those with functioning eardrums. That one.

He opens his mouth, presumably to tell y’all to shut the fuck up, but then there’s a lull in the music and the eldest can hear your voice ever so slightly above the song’s vocalist and he freezes.

Man stops in his tracks like someone just smacked him in the face with a midair volleyball.

Asmo can be heard stifling a laugh behind his phone.

Lucifer’s face gets so soft and he almost, almost, loosens his metal-rod-through-the-ass posture before you notice him and give a little wave and ask if you and Asmo were being too loud like the considerate darling you are.

Lucifer clears and his throat and says something like, “No, you aren’t. I was just coming to check on how dinner is coming along,” and leaves, after which Asmo immediately presses the post button.

Screenshots of Lucifer’s heart eyes for you go absolutely viral because every demon on Devilgram goes absolutely feral for seeing the eldest demon brother lose his dignified composure. It becomes a meme template. “Get you someone who looks at you like Lucifer looks at MC” and “me at the delivery demon when he shows up with my spicy bat wings” posts become commonplace. (Asmo thinks the memes are totally worth getting strung up with Mammon for laughing at them.)

Mammon:

Much like Lucifer, you and Mammon end up going viral off Asmo’s Devilgram. (Noticing a pattern here?) 

He pulls a silly prank on your asses and honestly I don’t know how you fell for it. But hey, they say “idiots in love” for a reason, so...

You and Asmo are sitting in the common room of the House of Lamentation just chillin. Well, he’s chillin, you’re on the floor studying for an upcoming exam.

The video starts in the middle of a conversation you and the avatar of lust were having.

“No, Asmo,” you say. “Mammon and I don’t use pet names for each other.” Now that’s just a darn lie, and every demon and crow within ten miles of Mammon and you together knows it.

“Really? I find that very hard to believe, MC.~” 

You sigh in response to Asmo’s teasing. “Okay, he has a lot for me but I’m just not much of a pet name person, y’know?” The rest of the exchange goes like this:

“Oh, I totally get it.” *pause* “Hey MC, what do human world bees make again?”

“Honey.”

Cue a sheepish Mammon sticking his head in the doorway at the bluntness of your tone when you answered Asmo.

“Yeah, babe?” he looks like a puppy left on the side of a highway oh my god hUG HIM-

Asmo turns the camera back to his smug ass face and in the background you can be heard tripping on the damn carpet trying to get up and hug your mans. (”MAMMON GET OVER HERE SO I CAN HUG YOU” “W-WHAT? I THOUGHT YA WERE MAD AT ME?!?!?!?!”)

Leviathan:

Streamer Levi? Streamer Levi.

You guys go viral the first time you make an appearance on one of Levi’s weekly (insert cool Devildom streaming service name here) streams. 

It’s completely unintentional. You had been asking him for weeks to play with him on there, but he’s the avatar of envy after all. He doesn’t like sharing his partner, even if it’s with random strangers who have no real access to you.

However, he has his stream on a Thursday instead of a Friday one week, and you come into his room carrying dinner because 1) You didn’t realize he was streaming and 2) No matter what he was doing, the boy needed to eat. It wasn’t unusual for you to bring him dinner, so you had no idea why he was blushing and stammering even more than usual this time in particular. Boy was speaking in beached whale trying to tell you what was wrong.

Then you notice his screen. Oh! “Hi chat!” You wave, setting Levi’s food down on his desk in front of his keyboard. “M-MC!” He full-on whines, slamming a hand over his mouth afterwards when he remembers his viewers could hear that.

Honestly, they’d meme the fuck out of him if it weren’t for the fact that they are FINALLY SEEING HIS HENRY!!! THE MYSTERIOUS MC!!!

Chat is bombarding you with questions while you make Levi eat dinner. And by make him eat dinner, I mean literally feeding this man forkfuls/spoonfuls while he games because you love how flustered he gets when you do that. 

Does it impact his score? Absolutely. Does he care? Not really when you’re pampering him like that.

You start answering chat’s questions about you while he’s chewing so he can’t tell you to stop LMAO-

You’re a natural on stream. The VOD becomes the most popular on Levi’s account in a matter of hours and soon cute highlights compilations of you and him on that stream start making the rounds on Devildom Twitter.

Satan:

There was buildup to Satan going viral, similar to Levi in a way. 

Satan does have a Devilgram, but it’s basically a white woman’s Instagram with added book reviews for variety. Unless you’re a reader his account is pretty boring: candles, books, fireplaces, and cats.

However, after you two started reading together fairly often he began posting pictures of your legs draped over his while you sat together. They’d always be captioned with vague ass pretentious literary criticism. 

This goes on for months, and he gains a lot of (horny) followers after the leg pics start up. He doesn’t really get why but you both joke that it’s because you have some damn nice legs and I mean neither of you are complaining about the new following.

You two go viral when he finally shows your face, entirely by accident.

The post is a video, which is already strange for him and grabs attention. In it, you’re scoffing and reading an excerpt of a book, mocking its understanding of female anatomy.

“I’m quoting here, Satan: ‘her breasts bouncing around like giant pacmen.’ I’M SORRY?? THAT ISN’T HOW BOOBS WORK SIR. WHY ARE MEN ALLOWED TO WRITE?” 

(fun fact that is a very real quote from a very real book I really read last month pls save me)

Originally the camera is focused on your body, with your head out of frame to protect your privacy, but your righteous anger made Satan laugh. Like, a real laugh. The one that makes you and everyone in earshot wonder if he truly was never an angel cause he sure as hell laughs like one but anyway-

When he threw his head back, his DDD angled up just a tad without him noticing, and your face was in view for like .2 seconds. Screenshots of it are making the rounds on Devilgram almost immediately: FINALLY THE LEGS’ OWNER HAS BEEN FOUND.

Satan apologizes profusely but you honestly find it funny and you two opt to just start taking selfies while reading with both of your faces in them from now on. 

Asmodeus:

I’m gonna be real with you: you and Asmo go viral all the time. Pretty much everything Asmo posts can be considered viral because of his social media following and his status as one of the seven avatars of sin.

However, there are some fairly cute highlights to be pointed out among the times you were both featured in a post that blew up.

Your favorite is probably that time Asmo livestreamed on of you guys’ ‘Nail Nites,’ as you call them.

You’re both on the floor, doing your nails and kicking your feet back and forth while talking to chat. A lot of the questions are about your relationship, and there’s a lot of flirting back and forth between the two of you.

A particular clip of the stream does blow the fuck up on Devilgram, though, when someone screen records it and posts it with a bunch of heart emojis edited over it.

“’What colors do you think best describe each other?’ Ooo, that’s a good one, chat!” Asmo claps his hands together excitedly, making sure to be  careful of his nails.

Pretty much everyone expected you to say pink, but you surprised both your boyfriend and your viewers when, after a pensive few moments, you replied with “Hmm...probably yellow or orange.”

“Can I ask why, darling?” Asmo tilts his head in confusion. I mean, yeah, those colors look good on him, but he doesn’t wear them often so he’s wondering about your thought process. 

“Well, in the human world those colors often represent happiness, optimism, and positivity. You’re always the cheerful presence I need in my life when things get hard, so you have the vibe of those colors.”

Asmo proceeds to burst into tears and hug you, messing up both of your nails and prolonging the stream since you both have to start over. But neither of you particularly care. 

Fun fact: Asmo has the clip that demon made of that portion of the stream saved on his DDD and watches it whenever he feels sad.

Beelzebub:

Beel and you probably go the most viral out of everybody. Like this moment is an entire phenomenon across the Devildom internet. 

It’s a video, or well, multiple videos, taken at the end of a Fangol game that Beel’s team had just won. Everyone is cheering and going crazy, yourself included, and you just really wanted to congratulate your boyfriend.

So, like the rational person you are, you elect to climb up onto the railing of the bleachers and wave to get his attention. 

You were absolutely fine up there, and sat all comfortably motioning Beel over to you. He notices, of course, and jogs over, standing right beneath you and looking up. (Back where you were sitting, Mammon is screeching like a hyena in heat and Belphie, who is laying down, has one eye open to glare at him. The youngest knows Beel would never let you hurt yourself; you’re fine.)

A bunch of assorted demons at the game has started filming while you were sat atop the railing since you were rather noticeable. Therefore, there’s a shit ton of different angles of the adorable events that follow:

You slide off the railing, landing right in Beel’s waiting arms bridal style. You’ve got this brilliant smile on your face as you pull his helmet off. None of the DDDs filming can hear it over the crowd noise, but Beel asks you why you just went through all that trouble and you tell him it’s because you wanted to tell him how proud you are.

Soft boy’s chest puffs up and he smiles this big cheesy smile at you reach up to run a hand through his hair. You feel him practically purr at the contact, and with a laugh you pull him in and plant a big ole smooch on him.

The crowd, at least those of them that can see, scream. Everyone is running high on adrenaline and happy emotions; something that cute causes a ruckus!! When you pull away Beel proceeds to put you on his shoulders and you celebrate with him and the rest of his team.

The videos of you two being adorable go completely viral and there are some threads dedicated to stockpiling every single angle taken of the event. Beel is completely oblivious to the attention but you have a lot of them saved on your DDD.

Belphegor:

If you think Belphegor has any sort of social media presence whatsoever then you are sorely mistaken. (Well okay he actually does run some anonymous troll accounts to meme on Lucifer’s posts but that’s neither here nor there-)

Therefore, naturally, you two go viral off of Asmo’s Devilgram. 

Okay so someone in the obey me tag the other say headcanoned that Belphie will go out of his way to nap in ridiculous places and my brain really took that and RAN WITH IT.

So what happens is that Belphie will fall asleep in the fucking weirdest places. I’m talking on top of the fridge, underneath the dinner table, on top of bookshelves...you name it, he has slept there, no matter the effort it takes to get there in the first place. 

And, ever since you two started dating, you would join him. Sometimes it involved putting yourself at risk of great bodily harm, but the little smile he gave when you he saw you fucking scaling the countertop to reach him made it worth it.

So anyway, since Beel adores the both of you to no end, he takes pictures whenever he sees you two napping together, whether or not it is in a crazy place. He sends these to the family group chat because he thinks they’re adorable.

Over a span of weeks to months, Asmo has built up a stock of images of you and Belphie cuddles up in seemingly impossible places. Once he has about ten or so, he posts a compilation of them to his Devilgram with some cheesy ass caption like “The things we do for love <3″.

They become a meme SO QUICKLY. Like UNBELIEVABLY quickly. 

The picture of you and Belphie sleeping on top of a bookshelf, in particular, is a big hit. Memes abound.

“If my girl doesn’t climb up a bookshelf to cuddle my ass, she don’t love me.” “Get yourself a partner who scales bookshelves just to be with your ass.” Etc etc...Belphie doesn’t give a shit but you laugh at a lot of them so he sees that as a good outcome.

[cafedanslanuit]

chapter guide | prev. chapter | next chapter

✖   —   summary:  porco wasn't surprised when you called him at three in the morning because you were too drunk to drive back to your place. he would always be there when you needed, both as your best friend and the guy who was completely head over heels for you. and both of them were sure zeke jaeger was cheating on you.

✖   —   pairing: porco/reader & zeke/reader

✖   —   tags/warnings: so far it’s sfw but rating will change in future chapters, college au, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, unrequited love, cheating, toxic relationships, friends to lovers

chapter one: save your love

“Thanks for picking me up, Pock. You didn’t have to.”

“Tch. Of course I did,” Porco replied, putting his arm on the back of your seat on his car and reversing, getting out of the bar’s parking lot. You took your time observing him and noticed the bags under his eyes. You shouldn’t have been surprised. What were you expecting when you called him at 3 am asking him to pick you up from the bar because you were too drunk to drive home?

Porco rested his arm on the open window of his car, his other hand handling the wheel with ease. There were very few cars on the highway and the chilly air refreshed your body just right, making the ride home a lot more comfortable than you pictured. You closed your eyes, basking in the feeling of safeness you always felt whenever your best friend was around, plus the sweet dizziness on your head from the vodka and Porco’s cologne.

“What did the fucker do this time?”

It didn’t last long.

“He didn’t do a thing.”

Porco scoffed. “Yeah, right. Are you really going to pretend you didn’t end up in that bar because of what Zeke’s ‘friend’ just posted on her Instagram?”

“Porco, please.”

“What was the caption again? Oh, right. ‘Movie night’, devil face emoji, fire emoji,” he recalled with a snicker, his eyes fixated on the road. “She even tagged him on it, her legs resting on his lap and shit. Was it the same girl he took to the cat shelter for some ‘volunteer work’ last week or another?”

You didn’t answer. You knew Porco already knew who she was.

“She’s very pretty,” you mused. “It makes sense.”

“Please, have you looked at yourself?” Porco asked, taking a right turn.

Jokingly, you took the rearview mirror and angled it towards you. Your mascara was a little worn off and there were only traces of the red lipstick you had put on before heading to the bar. Your hair was messy as well and you look like you desperately needed a bottle of water.

“I look like shit,” you laughed, putting the mirror back to its original place.

“Shut the fuck up, you look good.”

“Pock, look at me. Whatever is going on here,” you said, gesturing at your face, “ain’t good. If you think so, your taste is really lacking.”

Porco chuckled, eliciting a soft smile from you.

“I like to think I have really good taste.”

“If we’re being serious, you have way too high standards,” you yawned, extending your arms and feeling some cracks on your back.

“How so?” he inquired, arching an eyebrow.

“You haven’t been in a relationship since I know you, which is what— a year?”

“And?”

“And I’m starting to think you’re afraid of commitment. Maybe you’re just afraid of a relationship,” you shrugged.

“Are you done, Freud?” he teased, sparing a quick glance at you before looking back at the road again.

“All I’m saying is you’ve had both beautiful girls and boys at your disposition and you have never even tried to date them. Well, no, my bad, you did take this one girl on a date. And what happened next?”

Porco chuckled. “Look, it’s not like that, we just didn’t click and—”

“You told her you were better off as friends and to this day I haven’t listened to a solid reason as to why you would drop such a pretty girl like her.”

“She just didn’t have what I was looking for,” he shrugged innocently.

“See what I mean? Unbelievable high standards. None of us is worthy of the mighty Porco Galliard, the lacrosse team captain who can fit seventeen marshmallows inside his mouth.”

Both of you broke in laughter, not caring about waking up someone from the houses alongside the road. You looked around and immediately recognized the neighbourhood, your laugh ceasing immediately. You patted Porco’s arm, trying to get his attention.

“Can you turn left at the next intersection?”

“We need to keep straight to get to your place.”

“I want to go to Zeke’s for a minute.”

Porco’s face twisted into a scowl. “Why would you want to go to him right now?”

“I— he told me he was watching movies by himself. I just want to check on him, we don’t even have to step off the car.”

“Hey,” he said sternly, catching your attention. “Don’t do this. You saw her Instagram post, you know what happened between those two. Are you really going to believe him after you just saw fucking evidence?”

“I know him,” you insisted. “He wouldn’t just flat out lie to me, not like that.”

“And the photo from tonight? How do you explain that?”

You took a deep breath, a sharp pain in your head making you close your eyes tightly.

“I don’t know,” you sighed. “Please, just— drive past his house. If his lights are out, then he must be sleeping after watching those movies by himself, just like he told me so.”

Porco scoffed.

“Porco, please,” you pleaded, squeezing his arm as you got closer and closer to the intersection. “Please.”

Rolling his eyes, Porco turned left as you asked him to and started driving to Zeke’s house, following your instructions. He didn’t try to come up with conversation again, instead, his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance as he pulled up crossing the street, a couple of houses away from your target.

Your heart immediately relaxed when you looked at Zeke’s window: the lights were off. You let out a long, tired sigh, letting your forehead rest on the glove compartment of Porco’s car.

“I don’t understand you,” Porco sneered, resting his chin on his hand, his elbow pressed on the open window of his car. “Him having the lights off means nothing, he could—”

Porco turned to you as you sat back up, your eyes meeting his. He bit his tongue, silently cursing and looked at his wheel, setting both his hands on it.

“He could what?” you insisted.

“Nothing,” he quickly replied, passing a hand through his hair. “His lights are off. Can we go now?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you whispered, sitting back against his passenger seat and getting comfortable.

Right when Porco was reaching for his keys, a noise in the quiet neighbourhood startled you. Both of you raised their heads as a black car passed alongside them and parked in front of Zeke’s house. A tall, blonde girl exited the same house, accompanied by none other than your boyfriend. You recognized her as Yelena, who had begun appearing more and more frequently in his pictures at the same time he started posting less and less about you.

Zeke walked her to the car and you watched in horror as she pressed a kiss on the corner of his lips before getting in the car. He closed the door after her and patted the roof of the car twice before sending her off. Porco gripped the wheel tightly as Zeke stretched his arms and walked back home, dragging his feet without a care in the world.

Sighing, Porco turned to you, who were already dialling Zeke’s number.

“No, c’mon,” he said, trying to take your phone away but you swatted his hand away, putting a finger on top of your lips, asking for silence.

“Hey baby,” you greeted in your fake, cheery voice. Porco couldn’t believe after spending two years with you, Zeke couldn’t realize that when your voice got too high-pitched, it meant you were faking every word. “Yeah, I know it’s late. Sorry. Sorry. Yes, I just— I know. I know it’s too late to call.”

Porco could feel his blood boiling at every apology that came out of your mouth even after witnessing Yelena leaving his house not even five minutes ago.

“I just wanted to ask how you were doing? Were the movies fun?” you made a pause, your smile tight on your face. “Ah, I see. Wasn’t it boring to watch all by yourself?” you pressed and not even you could maintain your smile after hearing his response. “Mhm, I do know you prefer to watch movies alone. Anyway, it is quite late. Talk to you later, I love—”

You looked at the screen on your phone and noticed the call had already ended.

“Well, there’s that,” you mused to yourself before putting your phone back on your jeans.

Silently, Porco started his car again, driving away from the suburbs and heading to your place as he had intended in the first place. The comforting silence was now poisonous, his eyes flicking from the road every minute to check on you, who was looking outside the window with your eyes lost. your mind probably too full of thoughts that he couldn’t begin to understand.

It didn’t mean he didn’t want to, though.

He kept driving in silence until he reached your apartment, parking in his usual spot. He left the engine running, even if you knew he always waited until you entered the building to drive away. He unlocked the doors and let out a long sigh.

“Drink some water before getting to bed,” Porco reminded you, both his hands on the wheel.

You didn’t move a muscle, eyes lost on his glove compartment, the events of the night running around your head. Yelena’s Instagram photo. Zeke’s text telling you he was alone. Him kissing her goodnight at 2 am.

“Hey,” he called, startling you. “Are you okay?”

You opened your mouth but then closed it, not knowing where to start. You pursed your lips and tugged at your fingers in discomfort.

“Talk to me,” Porco insisted.

“Can you stay tonight?” you asked in a small voice. “Annie is out and I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts tonight.”

Before you could finish your sentence, Porco was already killing the engine.

It was a silent walk to your apartment. You checked yourself in the elevator's mirror, realizing how awful you truly looked. Your eyeliner was smudged along with your mascara and the bags under your eyes were more noticeable than ever. As you inspected your face, Porco grabbed your cheek between his thumb and index, playfully pulling it from side to side until you were laughing, asking him to stop.

When you entered your apartment, you immediately walked to the bathroom, in deep necessity of a shower. Porco knew your apartment like the back of his hand, so after a quick detour to the kitchen, he made his way to your bedroom. He saw your laptop on your bed, messy sheets and clothes on the floor, probably how you had left it after seeing Yelena’s post on Instagram and decided to go to your favourite bar and forget about it for a while.

Porco took off his shoes and started picking up your clothes and put them on your spare chair, your laptop now on your desk. While he made your bed, he listened to you using your hairdryer in the bathroom and figured you would be out soon. He took out his phone from his pocket and looked at this schedule. It was already four in the morning and he had classes at nine. It was okay, he told himself. He had a hoodie in his car he could change into the next morning, and no one would say anything about him arriving in sweatpants. Well, no one that cared enough about their reputation to try and make fun of one of the golden boys of the university, at least.

You stepped off your bathroom already wearing your pyjamas, a tank top and small cotton shorts. Being friends with Porco for so long, it wasn’t the first time he had seen you in your pyjamas but it was truly the first time he saw you so small while wearing them. Maybe it was because of everything that happened that night, your tired eyes or the way you were standing, but Porco had to fight off the urge to put his arms around your body and protect you. From what? He wasn’t quite sure.

He handed you a bottle of water he had grabbed from the kitchen and you drank it all in one try.

“The only true secret to avoid being hungover tomorrow,” he reminded you.

“I know,” you smiled, leaving the empty bottle on your desk. “C’mon, let's get to bed.”

Porco had slept with you before, sure. You had travelled to the beach together with some friends and your sleeping bags were always put next to each other, which only prompted you to talk all night, telling each other embarrassing stories from your younger years. You had also fallen asleep in Porco’s dorm before, after a party that left you too tired to go back to your place. He would always let you crash on his bed and you slept soundly, knowing you were safe if he was around.

Zeke had never liked that. But Porco couldn’t care less.

He got into bed first, scooting to the wall and making space for you. You laid next to Porco, facing him and sighed happily when your head finally hit your pillow

“Thanks for making the bed, Pock,” you smiled.

“Why are you still with him?”

You averted his gaze, your smile dropping in an instant. “I love him,” you muttered.

“Do you? Do you really love someone who is lying to you like this?” he insisted. You felt a knot forming on your throat. “You understand he was fucking Yelena, right?”

You nodded softly, hugging the pillow under your head.

“Then why waste your time with an asshole like him? What are you waiting for, what do you want him to do so you finally leave him? What’s your tipping point, huh?”

Porco’s voice was gentle yet firm as he tried to get to you. He watched you as you laid still, not willing to answer any of his questions. He wondered if maybe you didn’t want to know the answer either.

“You’re smart. You’re— fuck, you’re one of the smartest people I know. Why are you letting him treat you like garbage? Why are you allowing him to hurt you like this?”

Once again, he was met with silence.

“You’re are fun, beautiful and yet you’re drunk at 4 am on a fucking Wednesday because your boyfriend is cheating on you and not only that— he’s fucking her and letting everyone know. Why are you doing this to yourself?” he inquired, his voice getting a little desperate. “You should be with someone who treats you right, who— fuck, someone who knows how much you’re worth. Someone who would never hurt you like this.”

You couldn’t suppress a cold laugh.

“Yeah, like who?” you scoffed, nuzzling your face on your pillow.

“Like me.”

You snapped your head to Porco, eyes open wide and lips parted, trying to form words.

“W-what?”

You looked at Porco, his eyes looking intensely at you. He opened his mouth and closed it almost immediately, shaking his head.

“No,” he said, almost to himself, shifting on the bed and propping up on his elbow, his body still facing yours. “I said what I said. I… I love you. Have loved you for quite some time now,” he admitted. You watched heat rising to his cheeks, tinting them deep red.

“I— I love you too,” you said softly. “You know that. I always tell you how grateful I am to have you in my life and that I—”

“You know I don’t mean it like that. I don’t love you as a friend,” Porco muttered, rolling his eyes.

You stayed in silence, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as your eyes scanned the bed sheets between both your bodies. Even if Porco was being crystal clear with his words regarding his feelings towards you, somehow it didn’t make sense in your head.

“Why?” you whispered.

“What do you mean ‘why’?”

“Why do you… well—”

“Why do I love you?” Porco asked, raising an eyebrow. He watched you nod softly. “Well, ‘cause it’s you. Ever since we met, I just couldn’t stop thinking about you, your weird sense of humour and your irrational fear of panda bears,” he said, making both of you laugh, helping in releasing the tension both of you were carrying since his confession. “C’mon, you honestly thought I was so full of myself I didn’t think anyone was worthy of dating me? Fuck, I—,” he let out an honest chuckle, passing a hand through his hair. “I was just in love with you. And trust me, it’s not fun going out on a date with someone when all you can think is ‘Oh, she’d love this place’ or ‘I would be having much more fun if she was here instead’.”

“You really did that?” you asked in a small voice.

Porco smirked, cocking his head towards you. You knew his confession was playing a big part but you couldn’t stop noticing how handsome he truly was. Sure, you had always known he was good-looking, you knew this when you teased him for not going out with other people, but you never realized how truly beautiful he was.

Looking at him lying on your bed, the moonlight coming from your open window and hitting his face, it was as if you were looking at him for the first time, noticing the smallest details you had been ignoring for so long. Like how his eyes weren’t hazel but golden and that he had a few freckles on his cheekbones, decorating his slightly tanned skin. His lips also looked soft, even for someone who had woken up in the middle of the night to pick up their drunk friend. The white t-shirt he was wearing exposed his toned arms, making you feel the need to bury your face on his chest so he could put them around you.

You hadn’t realized you were moving forward until you felt Porco’s hand on your shoulder, preventing you from getting closer. You should have known you wouldn’t have been able to notice his freckles from afar. Porco’s eyes went from your lips back to your eyes and you sensed how bad he was rethinking his choices as he gently pushed you back on the bed.

“Listen, I—” he started, his blush only getting more noticeable, now making the tip of his nose turn red as well. “I’m not going to be your rebound, neither someone who you fuck out of spite or to get back at your boyfriend. Fuck, I don’t even know why I told you this,” he sighed, putting down his propped arm and laying his cheek on the pillow next to you. “Just… do better. For yourself. You deserve much more than that monkey man who hasn’t realized he’s a four dating a ten.”

You giggled at his remark and he smirked, proud of himself. Porco and you looked at each other’s eyes, a soft smile lingering on your lips. Tentatively, you reached for his hair, his golden locks feeling soft under your touch. Porco stayed still as you played with his hair, even closing his eyes as you did so.

After a few moments, your hand travelled to his cheek, making him open his eyes again. Your thumb gently stroked his skin, soft and tender under your touch. Porco’s eyes were fixed on your face as you caressed him silently. Your other fingers started running over his skin with a feather-like touch, entrapped in the sweet moment between the two of you.

Porco turned his head just enough for his mouth to meet your palm. He pressed a kiss on it, his eyes never leaving yours. You felt your heart skipping a beat and a smile creeping on your face.

“Can I hug you?” you asked in a whisper.

Porco nodded, opening his arms for you. You scooted closer to him, sliding your right arm around his waist, bending your other arm and flushing your head against his chest. Your legs tangled together, not taking too long before finding a comfortable position.

Once you were settled, Porco’s left arm draped around your body, pulling you closer to him gently. He pushed his right arm under your pillow, loving how easy it felt to be like this with you. It was as if you were always meant to sleep like this, with your face against his chest and your hand on his back. He looked down at you and pushed some of your hair away from your face

“Are you comfortable?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, taking a deep breath and sighing contently against his chest. Porco’s cologne filled your senses and you couldn’t help but smile at the homely feeling.

He pressed his lips against your forehead. “Goodnight,” he whispered, closing his eyes. You imitated him and quickly fell into a deep sleep.

...

When Porco opened his eyes the next morning, he felt as if only a couple of seconds had passed since he had closed his eyes. He sighed. Well, it wasn’t the first time that he had sleeping problems but a part of him innocently hoped it would change after he got to sleep by your side. He looked at your sleeping face. It was way too innocent from him to think just because he got to rest by your side he would have had a good sleep.

He looked down at your sleeping face and couldn’t help but smile a little. He recalled the moment you leaned into him, searching for a kiss before he had to push you away. Porco exhaled, his eyes travelling to your lips. There wasn’t anything he wanted more than to kiss the girl of his dreams— hell, he had dreamt about that for almost a year now.

But not like that. Never like that.

Porco took his phone on your bedside table and checked the time. Seven in the morning. He yawned, burying his face in the pillow. He hated his inability to go back to sleep after he had already woken up. His first class was in three hours and while you didn’t have any classes in the morning, he knew you would probably wake up regretting having drunk so much the night before.

Carefully, he pulled away from you and headed to the kitchen. You had mentioned Annie was going to be out and he figured either she hadn’t come home yet or she was asleep as well. Just in case, he tried to be extra silent while preparing coffee. He thanked Annie was the closest thing to a coffee connoisseur he knew, because he couldn’t help but let out a happy hum when the smell of coffee filled the kitchen.

As he watched the coffee drip on your mug, he leaned on the counter, his mind going back to the night he’d spent on your bed. How your fingers traced his hair, how your hand felt against his cheek and the way you looked at him when he kissed your palm. Even if he had stopped you from kissing him, somehow the tender moment you shared had felt even more intimate. Like it was always supposed to be like that: just you and him.

It wasn’t until several minutes later that Porco realized he had been smiling the whole time. He had told you he loved you. You hadn’t pushed him away after knowing how he really felt about you— not only that, you had shown him tenderness by cuddling with him the whole night. Even if Porco was aware things were far more complicated than that moment, he also knew it was a step in the right direction. He could almost see you sitting on the counter in front of him, morning light hitting your face and your legs swinging while you looked at him with a soft smile.

A shuffling noise made Porco snap out of his daydreaming. He peeked from the kitchen door, thinking Annie was back home but instead he found you stepping out of the room, wearing shorts and a big hoodie while you checked your phone.

“Thought you didn’t have class until later today,” Porco said, walking into the living room and startling you.

“Hey Pock— and no, I— Zeke called. He said he wants to talk, that he needs me, so I… I called an Uber, I’m going to his place now.”

“Are you serious right now?”

You looked into his eyes and immediately back to the floor, his glare too full of the truth for you to endure.

“The Uber is waiting,” you said in a small voice. “Thanks for… driving me home and staying. I have to go.”

In silence, Porco watched you walk past him to your apartment door and carefully close it behind you. A part of him wanted to think it was nothing but a joke from your part, that you would open the door any second now.

The song of the coffee machine turning off let him know he should have known better than to hope.

[ihatebnha]

i know for certain that shinsou has never touched himself this much until you moved in. he has to jack off at least twice a day to hide the tent in his pants when you’re around. and you’re so comfortable around him. always in pajamas and hair adorably messy. bras are also rarely worn inside your shared apartment because laid back shinsou doesn’t care, right? of course you didn’t think anything was up until you went in his room to ask for your good mechanical pencil back. that’s when you saw him working a big hand over his equally big member, leaking tip smearing pre on a pair of panties you THOUGHT you’d lost. the sight knocked the wind right out of you. you collapsed and scrambled away from his door, hoping he didn’t hear you, praying his wyes were still shut between his furrowed brow and pink cheeks

i literally want to burn this in my retinas so i have it on my mind forever and ever GOOD LORD......................... you are the smartest person on the planet in all of history...

(i actually saw a tik tok that reminded me of this, though... it was the 'this is for all the people who've been down since day one... welcome to death row" and the caption was 'when he's about to experience your doesnt shave and doesn't do laundry' phase... JKFASDKFA)

-

...Imagine Shinso actually doesn't hear or see you? Imagine he's so caught up in the fantasy of fucking your thighs, in wrapping your little lace panties around his dick and rubbing himself raw... that he really isn't aware of your gaze peeking in from between the crack of his bedroom door.

To him, what's happening is normal; a brief yerk to temporarily satiate the irresistible craving he has for you. To you, however, the whole thing is lewd and desperate, embarrassing in ways you've never even thought about given that the whole thing ends up turning you on, TOO...

But it's not like you can tell him this, no way!!! Not as you run back to your room and lock the door, or in the days after when you can hardly even LOOK at him without being reminded of his sweaty face, tight lip and the fact that you wrongly violated his privacy.

Besides, the whole's thing is your fault, anyway; walking around in sweats and no makeup and treating him like your boyfriend when he very clearly is not.

So you decide to distance yourself from him, only coming out of your room in modest clothing, or to ask him questions about buying toiler paper or doing laundry...

Shinso doesn't think anything of it the first few days. He's a loner at heart, so he, out of everyone, understands the need for isolation and is happy to leave you to your own devices.

But then a couple days turn into a week, and a week turns into two. The nights you'd spend eating together and watching shows pressed up next to each other at night become all but nonexistent... and Shinso has to wonder, was it something he did? Do you hate him for something he didn't realize was a problem? His quirk?

And it's hard! Hard to deal with because in the midst of running off at random moments and trying to hide all his hand fucking... he didn't realize that maybe the whole thing was pushing you away instead of actually upping his chances of getting together with you... and because he's not just attracted to you, HE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU???

Anyway, I've lost the original plot of the movie but... eventually Shinso comes around all annoyed and ready to shake out of you what's wrong... you end up confessing that you caught him yerking it and apologize for being so casual about living with him...

And then you guys bone... and Shinso no longer has to jack off every time you give him a chub because now he can just ask for a quickie... even if he still wonders why you made his sex drive go up by 500x.

Bye.

[amjustagirl]

Storm Chaser - Outtakes

pairing: miya atsumu x f!reader  genre: angst, fluff warnings: mention of tits wc: 600+

m.list.~ taglist.~

a/n: as requested, a bit of ‘tsumu fluff, set in the aftermath of storm chaser

Miya Atsumu wakes up in his bed alone. 

He bolts upright, looks around the room. He isn’t in Milan. Neither is he in a hotel room, bunking with Shoyo or Bokuto for an overseas competition. He’s home, tucked under a blanket in his bed, moonlight glancing off the glass of his wedding pictures. He should hear ungraceful snores, sheets rustling but there is none of that - only a deathly silence.  

Heart pounding in his chest, feet pounding against the floor, he bursts through the door into the living room, stopping short only when he catches sight of her.

It’s the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen. And he can’t stop himself from saying precisely that. 

“If you’re saying that cos’ my tits are out I will come over and punch you.”

Her tits are pretty drop dead gorgeous in his opinion (and they’ve fed both his babies, so they’re a work of marvel in his eyes of course), but that’s not what he’s focused on right now. Even with eyes squinted in a baleful glare, hair tucked into a messy bun, clothes stained with milk from the baby cradled to her chest, she truly is the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen. And he can’t believe he gets to come home to her everyday and call her his wife, the mother of his two kids.

“Nah, it’s cos I love you, and I can’t believe I get to call the best of women my wife.”

“Somehow I still don’t believe you”, she replies grumpily, lobbing one of Shino’s stuffed toys at his head. He catches it easily, rounding the couch to lean his head in her lap.   

“Yer setting a bad example to Shoma”, he teases gently, running a finger down the chubby cheeks of his infant son. “Hello there, you hungry little fellow.” 

The baby gurgles, milk drunk. He’s tempted to snap a photo and send it to ‘Samu and Suna, captioned - look what I made! - but that can wait until his heart stops threatening to crack and the icy fear he felt before drains from his blood. 

“Nightmare woke you up?”

He hums noncommittally, but the way he melts into her touch tells her everything she needs to know. 

“What’s wrong, ‘Tsumu?” she asks, voice steadying the ground beneath his feet. 

He stays silent for a while, seeking comfort from her fingers combing through his hair, the relief from the warmth of her breath against his cold skin. He’s lived through the loss of her and Shino once before. He never wants to go through that again. 

So he tells her, voice low and earnest - “Ya mean the world to me. And the kids. I wouldn’t know what I’d do without all of ya. I’d - I might die a broken man.”

“Oh ‘Tsumu”, she says, shifting to settle beside him on the floor, tucking Shoma securely in his arms. His heart soars as she tilts his chin up to look him in the eye as she replies - 

“I’m here. Shoma’s here. Shino’s in her room. We love you, and you love us. You’ve got nothing to worry about.”

The weight of his son in his arms settles him, the lovelight in her eyes chases the shadow of doubt away from his heart. He’s truly hers, and by some miracle she’s still his. They share two perfect, adorable little monsters and life is perfect, even though he doesn’t deserve it. 

“Okay”, he breathes, leaning down to press a kiss on the tip of her nose. 

“You can’t get rid of me so easily”, she says, mouth curving up into a smile.

“That should be my line instead”, he protests as she laughs, intertwining her fingers with his. 

She smacks him lightly when he nearly wakes Shino up with his kisses, nags at him to put Shoma down and get the fuck to bed, curling up against him and promptly falling asleep. He doesn’t rush to shut his eyes despite the fact that he has practice the next morning, choosing instead to listen to her breaths, watch the colours of the sunrise paint itself on her skin. 

He’s the luckiest man in the world. He’ll never forget that. 

storm chaser universe: original fic. ~ remixed version. ~