#i know both those kanji and i know those readings and i knew she was learning sign language

[corvid-language-library]

Omg I'm such an idiot I asked one of my students about her hobbies and I couldn't quite make out her answer but I'd seen her showing the other teacher some Japanese sign language so I was like I guess it's that?? But I wrote down what she said anyway

She said "しゅわ". As in 手話. Hand + language. I literally had like 2+2= written in front of me and was like 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

[missmyloko]

Hi! Lately, I have been very interested in Maiko/ Geiko and Yujō/Oiran/Tayū culture, their differences, but the most popular known books, documentaries have so many lies and discrepancies. I hope you might know some answers.

I don’t know if you read “Autobiography of a geisha” by Masuda Sayo, but she described her life as a hot-springs geisha during W2. While she learned “gei” (art), what happened to her was truly not different from prostitution. She was given different points after sleeping with men depending whether he was her danna, someone else’s danna or just a random guy.

There is this whole thing about American soldiers thinking “geisha” meant “prostitute”, bc some of the prostitutes decided to dress as geisha to attract more customers, I suppose?

Then, what Americans thought wasn’t exactly wrong (if we are not looking at Kyoto or Osaka)? Or was Masuda Sayo just a prostitute and she herself didn’t even know about it?

Are geisha outside of major districts (idk how to call them, Ponchoto, Gion Kobu etc) not considered geisha? Were times just so difficult that geisha had to resolve to prostitution under a banner of love instead of money, so it doesn’t make it illegal? Did Masuda just lie?

Masuda Sayo wrote the book herself in freaking Kanji, I believe her more than what “foreigners”, who only lived in geisha district for a couple of months, managed to understand. And Mineko Iwasaki was a queen among the geisha of completely different time period. I am more curious about how life was for “third rate” geisha.

I guess I am just somewhat confused about the statement that “Geisha are not prostitutes”, while there is an account that poor country girls sold in shitty okiyas were in fact as good as prostitutes.

In specific areas of Japan there used to be "double registered" geisha; that is, they were registered by the government to work as both geisha and as prostitutes. However, there were areas that worked under these double registration rules but didn't have official registration, so pretty much anything went. Sayo Masuda worked in one of those areas. These areas were often in small seaside towns or resort villages, which lead to onsen geisha having a tainted name that endures to this day. What they considered a geisha may as well have been night and day from what was going on in the large cities that had proper geisha associations that actually looked out for their members. This isn't to say that districts like Gion Kobu or Pontocho were perfect as at the time that Masuda was active young girls were still being sold into the karyukai across the country. So, where geisha populations were large and in larger cities they were primarily just geisha who, by government law, could not engage in prostitution. However, in small towns and villages, those who were identifying themselves as geisha also often took part in prostitution on the side as it was sadly a way for them to "serve" their customers. Sayo Masuda also wrote her autobiography in hiragana, not kanji, as she couldn't read or write kanji since she never had a formal education. American GIs brought back stories of "geesha girls" due to women who were not geisha but used one of the only Japanese words that they knew to have sex with for money in order to survive after the war. The Americans had no idea what a real geisha looked like and the karyukai didn't reopen (if they weren't bombed to shreds) until 1947. So, there were two years of regular women calling themselves geisha having sex with GIs that really didn't help with the Western perspective of geisha. By the time that Mineko Iwasaki came along, which was decades after Masuda was active and the Americans had mostly pulled out of Japan, prostitution had been made illegal across the country, so no double registered geisha existed anymore and no geisha anywhere were supposed to be having sex on the side for money (sex on the side is fine as long as it's consensual between two adults and no money is being exchanged though). Since geisha are incredibly exclusive for the most part, it's far cheaper and easier to hire a call girl or a hostess if someone wants to have illegal sex in Japan (it would be naïve to say that it doesn't happen even though it's illegal). So, were there different "levels" of geisha when Sayo Masuda was active? Of course. Was she lying? I don't believe so. Her story is extremely compelling and detailed to the point where it would be hard to be made up. Were the lines blurred on what was a "geisha" prior to World War II? Depending on where you were, yes. Has the karyukai changed drastically since that time? Very much so. Is there still work to be done when it comes to how geisha are perceived both inside and outside of Japan? Indeed, there's quite a great deal. But, we all have to start somewhere and I hope that this has helped to answer your questions ^^

[animehouse-moe]

Helck Volume 3: To The Continent

Helck continues to be an utterly fascinating read into this third volume. The mysteries, the idiosyncrasies, the hinting, it's a world of information that you never expected to get. This volume proves the deceptive depth that exists within hell. That when you just though it a puddle it becomes a pond, and when you settle into the idea of it being a pond, it up and turns into a lake, and so on and so forth. Just how deep does Helck's story and world go?

Where or where to begin? There's a lot of oddity going on with this story, but I think I'll start with Vermilio. Or, well, maybe Vermillio. I say maybe, because well, the witch of the island that Helck and Vermilio looks a lot like Vermilio.

The getup hides a lot of it, but they have the same ears and eyes. The way the bangs fall is different, but the way their hair frames their faces they look very similar. Plus, the witch is shown on the cover for Vol. 3 and they've got red hair.

I don't really think Helck was ever really trying to keep it a mystery, but more so to force it into the minds of readers as to why there's another version of Vermilio that's effectively become a patron of the island.

It's really interesting in that regard, because the gears start turning and realizations and theories spring to mind. Like, did Witch Vermilio wait to invite current Vermilio and Helck to her home only after she knew Azudra's letter and information would show up? It's an incredibly convenient development, and one that feels perfectly masked by someone that already knew what would occur, and acted to preserve the timeline.

And then there's things like her comment about the Corstag, though it's referred to by it's JP name, Shiikango, in the fan translation. Quick little side note there, it's written in Katakana to denote that it's separate from its origins, but it's a clever mixing of the word for deer (shika) and the second kanji for coral (sango). Anyways, given that Helck fished one up before, the knowledge and importance of the Corstag is a really interesting piece.

And then there's the inclusion of Witch Vermilio's comment on ruins. Which, funny enough, current Vermilio and Helck pass over (not the same, but ruins nonetheless).

And to top it all off, they know of all the conditions awaiting Helck and Vermilio on their journey back. It's almost like Witch Vermilio is a version of Vermilio that had a similar timeline up until being sent through the gate to that island, and learned all of this information on their own.

It's a very interesting proposition to have, and speaks to the overall breadth and scope of this story. Just where does it end and begin? People are being resurrected, Kings wield unimaginable power, and a human wants to become the Demon King. It's far more interesting than a synopsis or even the first volume or two could express. Sure, you could get hooked with that first or second volume, but I feel like the longer you read it's almost the more likely you are to really enjoy the series.

Anyways, moving on, let's go towards Helck and Kings. It's no secret that this story's system of power and ability is rather... fluid. Azudra actually addresses this piece rather well, as he's both the weakest and strongest of the four heavenly kings in the demon empire.

Centering back on Helck and Kings though, we get a pretty solid piece of information in regards to the human king: they wear a similar headband to Helck. I've already gone and checked, and no, it's not the same headband as Helck's brother. Regardless, the significance remains that the King is wearing the headband of a hero, when those roles are typically separate.

I guess I should probably spill the beans first on why this is a big deal: the King of humans is effectively resurrecting the souls of his warriors that are on a path to awakening as heroes. It's an incredibly broken system that effectively lets them overpower whoever so long as the king remains.

But bringing it back to the Hero/King conversation, Azudra ever so kindly drops readers information in regards to how the roles are viewed. They're both an ideological and conceptual position, that are earned rather than given.

It's a simple, but arguably incredibly important piece of dialogue that we see pop up down the road with a group of barbarians. Their leader claims to be their "king", but exposition from beforehand removes that option as a possibility.

A sudden rise in power as a "king" is separate from what we know as the "rule" (thanks to Azudra), and true to form, the approach of this barbarian "king" differs from the usual as well. Rather than support and empower his people, he augments his own strength and ability.

Even more interesting though is what follows this sequence. The "king" continues to augment himself further and further, burning up his very life force in the pursuit of power.

Talks of ruins, potential time travel, unimaginable power bestowed on people that never wielded it before. The whole thing reeks of someone in the shadows. Someone gave this "king" his power, in the same way that the Human king gave his soldiers their powers.

Of course, Helck wouldn't be Helck without being Helck, so we take a detour just for fun in the form of a cooking contest. It's a perfectly nostalgic form of hamfisting, but not for filler or to string things along, but just to have fun and mess with readers.

It's an incredibly fun parody of food manga and scratches all the right places. It also just comes at the right time in general, a perfect piece to break up Vermilio and Helck's journey back to the demon empire, without making it overly dramatic/actioney or incredibly boring.

And the last little bit I'll leave, is that Nanao sensei is very good at implicitly diversifying this world. The three cooks in this image are shown as the same species, thanks to the ears they all have. Sometimes it's far more obvious than that, but other times it's really subtle pieces that tie characters together, like the man that sells the map, and the woman that sings stories of old countries.

It's a very easy piece to miss (though the manga forces you to make the connection later), but together it paints a very curious picture. These two are the survivors of one of the countries that came to ruin that Helck and Vermilio are heading towards. A very interesting little piece for sure, it presents many questions as to why they didn't say anything more to the pair before.

Regardless of that though, Helck and Vermilio are in for a big challenge, as they face off against Augis Augis from the woman's song.

What I find really curious here is that Vermilio has the same fear/anxiety that she had when facing off against the Barbarian "King", even though it's a different opponent. What is this power that's able to transform people? Augis Augis is noted to be a good man in the song, but coated in that darkness that will destroy all. It makes me believe that Augis Augis fell prey to a similar situation as the Barbarian "King". So what's the endgame? Who's doing this? Both are questions that we seem to be careening towards as the search for the next Demon King takes twist after twist.

Helck really is something else as a read. You think it's just going to be a parody the whole way through, and then it turns dark. Then it decides to shake things up even more, before settling into that new status quo to explore its depths. It's one thing after another that Helck piles on its list of accomplishments/feats, not all that dissimilar to Helck himself.

[sentistrange]

my 2 cents on the kaeluc "adoptive brothers vs sworn brothers" controversy because i've wanted to talk about it for a while (please read)

according to the original chinese version, they are not siblings. the term "結拜兄弟" (pīnyīn: jiébài xiōngdì) means "sworn brothers" and is used instead of "adopted brothers". "sworn brothers", although without a direct english counterpart, roughly means "incredibly close, like brothers". however, take into note how the words for "brother" and "sister" are more loose than in english (example: in ningguang's hangout, the children call her "凝光姐姐" (pīnyīn: níngguāng jiějiě), which means "elder sister ningguang". she is not related to these children, as this is more of a fimiliarity).

additionally, the "sworn brothers" trope is used a lot in chinese bl. but just like "brother"/"sister", it's not strictly one thing. there is a lot of nuance to the term, and it's not always romantic. but because it can be interpreted as romantic and is used a lot in cbl, that's why a lot of fanart is in chinese (and japanese, as they share a lot of kanji/hanzi and likely have closer meaning than english). because of this, i see an imbalance of attacks.

prefacing what i say next as my frank interpretation and i am not intending to harass/attack people whole stick to the english mistranslation.

90% of people who follow the mistranslation actively ignore the actual meaning and will further force the mistranslation on others. i have seen multiple posts of people outright saying variations of this same message: "if you ship kaeluc, go kill yourself". if it was not a mistranslation and they were adoptive brothers, completely justified (though, as a pacifist, i'm still against death threats like those). they purposfully keep a closed mind and ignore the fact that it is wrong (another example of bad english is names. tighnari's name isn't tee-nari, it's teeg-[brief pause/enunciated g]-nari. but note it's easier to hear than my attempt to simplify, i don't speak arabic or tamaziɣt. please refer to an actual speaker of arabic and/or tamaziɣt for a fully correct pronunciation).

the other 10% of people likely don't know it's a mistranslation/issue, by simply not knowing about the whole controversy itself or any further information regarding it.

i encourage both types of people to open their mind and make an effort to learn. of course you don't need to ship kaeluc -- i don't, but there're a lot of wonderful artists that deserve likes/shares -- but you should at least be aware that they are, in fact, not brothers.

please remember this is my interpretation and thus isn't entirely accurate.

also, a small thing, taking care of a child that isn't yours does not always equate to adoption. that's a simple fact.

i encourage those who believe either side to respond in a calm and reasonable manner. this is not a hate post and i would love to hear your side(s) and/or interpretations of it. i will not delete death threat responses, as that furthers my points. shippers and non-shippers are both welcome, but if you wholeheartedly believe they are adoptive brothers, please do your research.

info used was from this very well made twitter thread. whether you ship it or not, i highly recommend reading it; it is by no means a waste of your time (that is, unless you knew everything already).

my end opinion: diluc and kaeya are not siblings, but it's also not a pair i particularly ship. there are a lot of talented artists, though, and i do like the posts when i see them.

thanks for reading.

- senti

[narhinafan]

What do you think of what this person said, also There is an interview that he distorted https://cakebake.tumblr.com/post/190996961185/i-still-do-not-understand-if-it-was-planned-from

The interviews are right, but what the person is saying doesn't properly take in consideration when they happend and the context. Like I explained previously the reason Kishimoto said he decided on NaruHina in the middle would have been cause he considered NaruSaku during the middle part of series, before finally deciding to stick to his original plan.

It is obvious that Kishimoto always intended for both NaruHina and SasuSaku from the early stages. NaruHina was obviously planned from the beginning, as where SasuSaku I say was planned from around the Forest of Death arc that was when the ship started truly getting some romance development. In part 1 there are clear NaruHina and SasuSaku moments that just make it obvious that Kishimoto was gunning for those ships.

For example one of the interviews is with the voice actors and they all said they already knew the couples endgame. Now what the writer doesn't take in account the time they were talking about and when the anime started. The manga was just about ending the Konoha Crush arc when the anime started. Also each voice actor is mostly speaks about their characters since Sasuke and Sakura are couple you can tell that the discussion focuses more on them since both voice actors are there as where Naruto's voice actor is on his own. Naruto's voice actors does confirm NaruHina was planned and that he got told about the ending during the first meeting, same with Sakura and Sasuke's confirmed SasuSaku as well.

Now what each of them says is true, but it is their subjective opinions and from what they remember plus they each talk mostly about the characters they play, hence why Sakura and Sasuke's voice actors don't talk about NaruHina cause Takeuchi Naruto's voice actor already confirmed the statement about NaruHina being planned since the anime started. Another thing to consider is if they were told that when they were together, for example Takeuchi could have been on about the first meeting she had with Kishimoto and not the team meeting.

All the interviews Kishimoto does not actually contradict himself as each interview has different context and expands on things. For example as I mentioned before the interview with the voice actors they are on about when the Naruto anime started which is in 2002 four years after the Naruto manga started. So the voice actors only know that NaruHina and SasuSaku were endgame when the anime started not when the manga started.

As where Kishimoto later confirms her planned NaruHina since the start of the manga as where he didn't have any real plans for Sakura when she was first introduce in the manga. This actually lines with how Kishimoto treats her in the manga at first you notice Sakura practically does nothing, it is only during the Forest of Death arc where she starts getting some spotlight and also when her relationship with Sasuke develops a bit and isn't as one sided as before. However in part 1 Sakura despite also being a member of team 7 still doesn't do much for the rest of part 1 and her most important scenes centre around Sasuke.

In fact all the interviews back up each other, the only one that is inconstant is the 2015 when he said he decided in the middle which I already explained.

As for the databooks, the first one isn't clear enough to properly read the kanji and while I compared it with the kanji for love and it doesn't resemble it I couldn't figure out what the kanji actually means since the image resolution isn't clear enough. However in databooks 1 and 2 you can make that 好む(Suki) which means like for Naruto and in the second databook Sakura also has 好むused for how she feels about Sasuke in the second databook. So I highly doubt the first databook says Sakura is in love with Sasuke consider it changes between the first and second databooks.

The third databook suffers from the same translation fault the anime had in that the English translated 好む as love not like. In Japanese it makes sense why Naruto didn't respond to Hinata's confession cause what she says can be taken as like and not love.

[polar-stars]

Random OC-Ramble Post 1/???

With things still being very, uhm, so-so in RL for me rn...My major source for solace has honestly been the work on SnKimiko and my OCs.

It kind off left me with a little, tiny desire to do some rambling & I thought that maybe I could even make this like a small, weekly thing on here? Maybe??? (If you have any suggestions on what I should talk about specifically....send me an ask maybe!) 

For tonight, I wrote up the name meanings of some of my Next Gen kids and the reasons why I named them the way I did. 

I actually talked a lot about this in various discords, I think but never on here (after all those YEARS). So yeah....Why not? 

Note: I know that Japanese names can vary in meaning depending on the kanji used! However, I do not speak Japanese and obviously I am not acquainted with how to read kanji. All you see here is information I’ve gotten from English-speaking websites...So take it with a little grain of salt.

🍳 Kimiko (Yukihira): The name meaning I first found for “Kimiko” was “noble child” and other variations of that idea (“princess child”, “empress child”) - I picked it as reference to Erina’s position as queen back on Totsuki (that’s also the in-universe reason, as Soma picked the name). Something about this that was totally unintentional but that I really like is that her name sort-off stands in juxtaposition to her surname. According to the Shokugeki wiki, “Yukihira” translates to “blessing of the ordinary”. In a Sense, this makes Kimiko something like “a person of nobility growing up in the world of the ordinary” or “a Princess of the People” & I believe that fits. 

🐰 Hiroshi (Aldini-Tadokoro): The meaning I first found for “Hiroshi” was “tolerant, generous” which is something that Hiroshi is. It’s also traits that are or value to both Megumi and Isami I feel, so yeah. 

💐 Kaori (Hayama): “Kaori” means “fragrance” and well, she is Akira Hayama’s daughter…lol. Okay, but “Kaori” also has a really pretty, elegant ring to it in my ears at least. So the sound of it was also part of the reason why ended up picking it. 

☀️ Mika (Aldini): I’m pretty certain that the first meaning I ever stumbled across for the Japanese name “Mika” was “beautiful increase”. But all meanings I’ve seen so far always included “beauty” for sure. Given that Mika is the offspring of two very attractive people, she equally grew into someone who is considered to be stunning by many! 

🦊 Lola & ❄️ Mona (Nakiri): I’ll be honest…In this case, I hardly concerned myself with the meaning of the names ahaha. I just knew I wanted Western first names for the RyoAli kids and I picked “Lola” and “Mona” pretty intuitively because I thought they worked well as twin names (both have the same vowels at the same place). But if you want to know: “Lola” means “lady of sorrows”. Meanwhile Mona has multiple origins and therefore multiple meanings. “Noble” would be one! Which fits I suppose since Mona is a Nakiri. Another meaning I found is, interestingly enough, “Loner” or “Alone, Silence” which DEFINITELY fits Mona. 

💥 Takayuki (Hojo): There seem to be a lot of possible meanings for “Takayuki” but the one I remember finding first was “moving to heights”. I think my original intent was to refer to his ambitious nature, actually! But nowadays, I also take a lot of entertainment in the thought that his father Terunori named him that in hope Takayuki would grow tall ahhdhd. 

🥀 Kazuo (Mimasaka): “Kazuo” can mean “harmonious, peaceful man” which fits him because despite his intimidating looks, Kazuo really is one sweet and gentle fella who wouldn’t hurt a fly. I think “Kazuo” can also mean something in the sense of “first son” actually? I’m not entirely sure about that…But it would fit as well, since he is the first son in-between his two sisters haha. 

🌲 Yasu (Ibusaki): I decided on “Yasu” for my ShuYoko-kid as soon as I saw the meaning being “peace, quiet”. Not only is he very peaceful and quiet but he himself also values to have peace and quiet once in a while. He grew up in a very calm and sorta remote environment after all. I’d say it also refers to his parents in a sense (“peace” being more for Ryoko, who often felt like a peacemaker and calm regulator in Polar Star. And “quiet” being for Shun obviously) 

📚 Chieko (Marui): I remember being extra picky with Chieko (as ever so often, lol). I had a whole list of possible options but none of them really did it for me yet, I think. Then I came across “Chieko” and it’s meaning which is “child blessed with wisdom” and I knew: this is it! The meaning was perfect for a daughter of Zenji’s and I loved the sound of the name as well! 

🎤 Hideyoshi (Kawashima): “Hideyoshi” can combine the kanji for “excellent, outstanding” and “good, virtuous, respectable”. I could 100% picture a persona like Urara to name her child something like that, assured that her son is going to be just as brilliant as she sees herself. I think it definitely fits Hideyoshi’s haughty personality.

🎧 Daisuke (Aoki): In contrast, the name of Yua’s child is a lot more humbler I’d say as “Daisuke” can mean “big helper”. I’ll say that I picked it WAY back when he had a bit of a different role in the story (he was Kimiko’s cooking partner, so yeah “help”) but I’d say it still fits as it paints him as someone friendly which he definitely is! 

🦑 Hiraku (Yukihira): The naming I first saw for “Hiraku” was “expand, open, pioneer”. I imagined Erina would name her child that, believing firmly that with parents like that…this kid would surely take “cooking” as an art-form far and beyond what was first believed to be possible! He would explore a whole new side to it! So yes…This is why. 

🌿 Akio (Hayama): Much like with Hiraku, this name was given out of expectation from a parent. “Akio” means “bright, luminous man” and I imagine that Akira would name his child that in expectation for him to become a “radiant personality” within the culinary industry, so to speak. Someone who would have all eyes on him! He felt even more assured in his beliefs when he found out that Akio has inherited his sensitive nose. 

🔥 Suzume (Hojo): Okay, so this is where it gets a little embarrassing. When I stumbled across the name “Suzume” and the meaning “sparrow”…I kinda forgot what a “sparrow” is (remember I am not a native speaker). But it didn’t matter to me that much (pretty sure I was like “I’ll look it up sometime later” and then never did) because I really liked the sound of “Suzume”. In my ears, there was a playful ring to it and I just thought it fit the character I had in mind. 

I now know that “sparrow” is a very tiny bird. My in-universe explanation is that Terunori named her, in desperate hope she would inherit his height and not outgrow him (guess what? She outgrew him). Or maybe his favorite birds are sparrows, that could work as well ahdhdh. 

💎 Shigeo (Eizan): The meaning I found first for “Shigeo” was “luxuriant man”. Well, do I really need to explain that ahdhd? It fits given his materialism and prestige, decadence n’ all that jazz is of high value for his father as well so….Yeah ahhd. [I basically just saw it and was like “I am gonna name one of Etsuya’s spawn that”]

📁 Ran (Mimasaka): I’ve always liked the name “Ran” to be honest. I connect it to a character from one of my very first mangas! It’s called “Gals!” and our local library had volume 6 of it. I remember that I kept renting and rereading it, lol (without ever knowing a way how to get my hands on all the volumes that came before it…I was pretty young at that time, okay?). The main character in that is called Ran! (Funfact: But I’ve actually read “Gals!” from the start last year after so many years. The “Ran” from “Gals!” Is actually a lot more like Suzume (a whole lot actually) than like my Ran). Anyway yes, painfully long way for me to say that I liked the name and I wanted to give it to one of my characters. And I thought it could fit the oldest Mimasaka-child. “Ran” means “orchid” by the way! My headcanon (or personal canon) is that Subaru brought deep red orchids to the hospital, because they’re Nao’s faves, and it ended up inspiring the name for their new born daughter. 

🍜 Masashi (Eizan): I remember the first meaning that I found being something in the sense of “Commander, General”. This is very much the role that Masashi personally likes to play, so I thought it fits. 

🌸 Kiyoko (Saito): “Kiyoko” can mean something in the sense of “pure child” but I think what I saw first was “sacred child”. The “sacred” evoked images of temples and shrines in me and since Kiyoko does have a pretty traditional side to her (and also with a deeply traditional father like Somei) I think it fits her! I think “pure” can also do for a refined, lady-like persona who stands above all, like her. Also I just really like the name “Kiyoko”, I think it’s really pretty! 

🍁 Noboru (Shinomiya): I always knew that I wanted a ShinoHina-kid to be the first seat in my Next Gen fanfic. So when I finally got down to design him, I picked “Noboru” as a name because the meaning I found for it was “rise,ascend”. It’s pretty much a reference to his first seat, yes. 

🐼 Moe (Saito): So, from what I know “Moe” is slang in Japanese for things that are super-duper mega cute, I think. I honestly didn’t knew that it could apparently be a name as well? The meaning I found for it is “bud, sprout”! I decided to give Moe that name because “bud, sprout” refers to her youthful looks. At the same time she’s also the epitome of “cute” and I can picture Momo naming her child exactly that.

🔍 Cho (Sotsuda-Cohen): “Cho” means “butterfly” and I simply thought it was a cute, adorable name for a very lively girl (who is just as hard to catch as a butterfly) 

🎮 Kei (Eizan): “Kei” seems to have a lot of meanings going for it, but the one I saw first was “square jewel”. I picked it at first because I was entertained by the idea of Etsuya naming his child “jewel” (Nene agreeing because she understands it as “precious, valuable” in a sense)…But it does fit Kei as character really well, I think, in the sense that he can be a bit rough around the edges sometimes but he really does have a heart of gold. Another possible meaning I saw was something like “bind”…which I also like, because I think it fits the role he is taking in his family. 

🍄 Ayano (Mimasaka): I honestly picked it mostly because I liked the way it sounded. The meaning for “Ayano” is “colour, design”. I can honestly picture Ayano’s parents naming her that to emphasise creativity! 

🕊 Tsubame (Tsukasa): What happened was that I asked myself “I wonder if there is a name in Japanese that means ‘swallow’. That would be perfect for the EiRin daughter!” And lord and behold, there is! “Tsubame” is pretty much just the word for “swallow” I believe and since swallows played a significant role in the tale of Eishi and Rindou, I really liked the thought of them naming their daughter of that. 

🎡 Shouhei (Tsukasa): Unfortunately I can’t seem to recall my exact thought process when it comes to naming Shouhei. The meaning I see listed though is “soar glide” and “level, even, peaceful”. I am pretty sure the “soar, glide”-aspect did it for me, as I connected it to flying in a sense and Shouhei is very much the travelling-type. 

🏔 “Yuu” (Tsukasa): “Yuu” has “excellence, superiority, gentleness” listed as a possible meaning. He is an incredibly talented cook, for sure, who is very difficult to match in skill. 

[umai-town]

~ Pinky Promise ~

A Rui x Fem! reader Story

[Demon Female Rader]

Warnings -

Blood, Killing/Death of more than 1 person, Slight Violence, Its weird [if ya take it any way], and Just read at ur own risk. Its a bit Mature to.

You were admiring the night sky in silence. Feeling the breeze from the night air blow your hair softly. You were on a rooftop of one of the many houses in this small village you found about 2 weeks ago on this mountain. You listened closely to the silence…waiting for the smallest sound. A sound you loved more than anything in this world. The sound of someone’s footsteps.

Why, you ask? Because that meant someone was breaking the rules. Walking outside at night was strictly forbidden in this town and everyone here knew it. This rule is what kept people safe from Demons who lurk outside…Demons like you~

But you were smarter than most demons around this area, you always had a plan. You had strategy to your attacks, Methods to disposing of whatever you didn’t eat, more importantly skills to avoid what ever threatens you. And because of that you have been able to make 7 kills in the 2 weeks that you have been here. More than enough to most, but to you that was just a snack.

Then…you suddenly hear that sweet sound. Footsteps just a few feet from your location. You smiled giggling lightly as you slowly walked to the edge of the rooftop you were on. You looked down to see 2 young guys walking slowly through the streets. You smiled to yourself as you prepared to make your move. This is going to be sooo~ Easy~ you thought.

Until….

They both looked up at you. They knew you were watching them. How? This caught you off guard. One of them yelled out and then they pulled out swords. Katanas? It doesn’t matter!! You were confused and shook at this, so you quickly turn to run in the opposite direction. But as soon as you did you heard more footsteps as 2 others were now running at you. They all lookedthe same. The same clothes…no uniforms…they are Demon Slayers!

You ran as fast as you could at this point. Doing everything you could to avoid the 4 slayers that are now after you. You ran until you reached the edge of the town and you were sure that would make them stop chasing you. But as you exited the town they kept coming after you. What do I do now! They are going to kill me at this rate! I’m to young to lose my head! I haven’t even killed 10 people yet! I’m so close please! You cried to yourself as you ran into the woods outside of the town. As you did the slayers slowly got closer to you. What was slowing you down!? Your covered in it at this rate! Its sticky and annoying! Its-

…

Spider webs?

…

As you noticed this the sound of footsteps went quiet. Why? You stopped running behind a tree and looked behind you. The slayers were standing together in a circle and ready to fight. What else is there besides me? Is it because of all the webs? Do they not want to get stuck in them? Scared of spiders? Many thoughts filled your head.

You watch closely, then before you knew what had happened. One of the slayers was sliced into small bits, another was pulled into the air by a unsee force and bulled apart. The other two tried to run off but both were pulled back by the same force and into the trees. You didn’t see them all you saw was a big splash of blood from the trees. Nothing more.

You took a moment to breath and relaxed a bit. They were no longer after you, because their all dead, but that’s not the point. But…what killed them? You imminently feel a presence like no other. It was a demon, But MUCH Stronger than you. You freeze in place. You couldn’t more because of this feeling. You could feel its strength as it grew close to you. You tightly close your eyes fearing the worst.

…

“Hey…You are indeed alive, correct?”

I am? What is with that voice?

You open your eyes to see the one who bears all that strength. You were correct it was a demon. But not what you imagined him to look like. You were expecting a big, strong elder demon much greater than yourself. But what you got was…This small boy, white and pure looking with dark red marks all over his face. His Kimono had the Pattern of Spider webs and he had no shoes on. But what got you was those ice blue eyes, full teal lashes, and the symbol in his eye. It was a kanji. “Lower rank 5” What does that mean you thought.

He looked at you with such a soft gaze. He was just standing there playing with the small webs connecting his fingers. He looked like a kid. You were the same Hight as him, same size, and figure. Weird…

“I saved your life…” He stated bluntly

“That was you!? That was amazing. I thank you for helping me…” You smiled at him and he looked at you the same. No emotion on his face, this is awkward.

“You are alive because of me…You understand that…yes?”

You were confused what answer did he want from you. You simply nod at him.

“You now owe your life to me…Don’t you agree?”

What! No way, he can’t be serious! He’s joking right! You stood there with a slightly confused look on your face.

“hmm…you look confused did I not say it clearly enough for you?” He then pulled on the webs he was playing with. This made your body tighten up, it hurt. You looked down to see he had webs on you. Wrapped all the way around your arms and legs. How did-When did he do this?! In fear of your own life, you gave him the answer he wanted. “YES! I owe you! I’m thankful you saved me from those slayers!” With that the webs stopped.

“hmm…good. Because you now owe me… I have an idea set for you; do you accept?”

He walked up to you. He was in arms reach if only you could move away from him. You were scared what did he mean by “set for you” it was terrifying the things that popped into your head. As he got closer you freaked out a bit. You looked down a bit but nodded feeling you had no other choice.

“Good…What all do you know about being a little sister...”

A Little sister? Are you serious right now. You spoke with slight confusion. “Not much. I don’t remember much of my former human life, but I do know I was an only child.” He looked at you with the same blank face. “Well then…That means you will be learning from scratch…That makes things a bit easier…” He moved the web between his finders, and you were released from the webs. You almost fell on your knees, but he grabbed your hands holding you steady. Suddenly his gaze was no longer just blank rather it felt warm and welcoming. He stood you back up straight and held on to one of your hands. I am Rui…But you soon will be able to call me Big brother…” He stated with his soft tone. “Follow closely now~” He said with a small joyful tone. Barley enough to tell it was there but you caught it. It made you smile a bit yourself. As he began to walk forward, you followed in suit.

He led you to a run-down looking house further into the woods. As you approached it more demons began to show their faces. They all had similar features to his, white skin, red face marks, or some resemblance to a spider and so on. Was this his real family? You thought. Then you were sat at an old table with broken eating utensils, plates, and bowls, all empty and dusty. All the other demons gathered around and sat down all looking at you. No one spoke, no one dared moved out of place. All was silent. He sat in the seat next to you. He had a very faint smile on his face. It made you feel warm inside somehow. You noticed One of the other demons was now holding a bowl of what looked lake water. She held it close to him not making any form of eye contact with him. He Used his small webs in his fingers to cut his own hand, bleeding into the bowl, Turning it all dark red. He then grabbed it from her and held it in front of you.

“As of now…You are a part of this family, when you drink this…My blood…you will be one with us, You will be My little sister.” He handed you the bowl and you looked into it. Seeing yourself as you are now. Your big (E/C) eyes, your soft (S/T) skin, and your (H/L) (H/C) hair flowing in your face. You felt different now it was sudden and strange. He wanted you here, he could protect you, he didn’t have to save you, yet he did. So, you took a final breath before raising the bowl to your lips and drinking his blood. Once done you sat the bowl down in front of you. Looking into it, its now empty and you can no longer see yourself. Then you closed your eyes for what felt like a mere second and all you remember from then…

Is pain

…

Once the pain went away you opened your eyes to see his hands on your face. He was holding it ever so softly. His hands were cold but that didn’t bother you. You felt safe suddenly. He smiled down at you. “Congratulations You are now a part of our family” you smiled lightly and in the corner of your eye another demon was holding something. He gave it to Rui and he held it up to your face. It was a small slightly broken Mirror. In it you did not see your old self. You saw….Rui. Or was that really you. You looked just like him. Your markings seemed to match up with his, just there were like flipped onto the other side, opposite of his own. Your eyes were the same, yet you lacked in the Kanji he had in his. Your hair was much like his now just much longer. You looked up to him with a small smile on your face. You were part of this family now…you felt safe and warm. He smiled back and grabbed your hand placing one of his small webs around your pinky finger.

“You are now home. You are special and I know it…So I made you into the perfect image… You are now part of me…as my little Twin Sister.” He smiled at you as you did to him. You giggled “is this a pinky promise?” he nodded “pinky promise”

From then on you two were inseparable, you were loyal to him, the string always connected you two and because of this you two hardly ever separated from one another. Darning battled and such he was by your side, that string always being your guide to him. You were with him for many years. He treated you different from the others as well as you did to him. You loved him as he did you. He was your everything as you were to him. You were happy for once in forever.

As...

🕸~His Little Twin sister~🕸

Enjoyed the Story? Go Here to Enjoy the Extended version!~ and make sure to Like and Follow for more KNY Fan Fictions!~

[the-bird-and-the-flute]

Ikevamp - Romantic Rivalry Part 2 - Napoleon

Seriouslyyyyyyyyyy, this man drives me crazy!!!!!!!!

I'm so excited after reading just the premium that I'll write my comments about this event story now hhahaha.

I'll try to do the sweet end too. If I manage to unlock it, I'll update this post later.

Edit: I finished sweet today. Fuck yeah :)

You know those story events you needed but you were not aware of it? THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME TODAY!

How on earth I have never thought how cool it would be to participate in a couple contest with Napoleon? PLSSS, THIS SHOULD BE FUCKING CANON!!!!!!!!!

Our sugar daddy Comte entered MC and Napoleon in a couple contest. Apparently, these contests are kinda trendy in Paris now.

Obviously, MC was excited to test their affinity in a couple contest. And Napoleon, as the perfect ikemen he is, said he'd gladly join if that's what his girlfriend wanted. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

So, before the contest day, MC asked for the residents's help because she had no idea what they'll have to do. Sebastian then decided to test MC and Napoleon for the big day. OMG that was so much funnnnnn.

The game was simple: you had to write on a paper what your partner would answer. If both write the same answer, they score a point.

And Sebastian called Theo and Vincent to challenge MC and Napoleon hahahahaha. You already know who won, right? LMAO

MC and Napoleon lost and Sebastian decided to punish the losing team. They'd have to do Sebastian's grocery shopping.

So MC and Napoleon went to town to buy whatever Sebastian needed. And then again, Napoleon showed why it's impossible to not love him.

MC was supposed to wait for him while he went somewhere to solve something. But she thought she should just go ahead and buy all the products. When Napoleon saw her carrying all those bags, he immediately told her she should have waited for him and he took all the bags so she wouldn't have to carry heavy stuff. WHAT A GENTLEMAN😍

I don't know how much time passed, but it was the day of the contest and MC and Napoleon were already waiting for the organizers to call their names. While they were waiting their turn, MC said she was nervous and then she mentioned that Japanese 'method' of drawing the kanji for 'person' in your hand. When you do that and then 'eat' the kanji, that supposedly would help you feel less anxious.

When she was drawing the kanji in her hand, Napoleon 'ate' the kanji for her. But the way he did it was so fucking sexy. Please. He even licked MC's hand HAHAHA. I would have had a hard time focusing on the contest after that LOL

So, it was their turn and the contest game was simple, but not easy imo. The men would be blindfolded and then the ladies would have to touch their shoulders, all in the same way. The goal was to guess right which of the ladies was their girlfriend.

Napoleon, as cocky as always, looked at MC and said she didn't have to worry cuz he was sure he'd find her. And he was not lying hahaha. He got it right quickly, and as all the other men couldn't guess as fast as him, they won. YAYYY. I KNEW MY NAPOLEON COULD DO IT <3

PREMIUM

After the contest, they were heading to the mansion. They started talking inside the carriage and MC said she wanted to thank him somehow for what he did today. She was so happy and proud he got it right. Then, Napoleon asked for a reward. A kiss. He pointed to his cheeks, but you know how clever he is.

When MC was going to kiss his cheek, he turned his face to obviously get a kiss on his lips. I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO DO THAT HAHAHA. AFTER LOVING THIS MF FOR YEARS I GUESS I LEARNED ONE THING OR TWO ABOUT HIM XD

Then, they got home to have lots of fun, but to know what happened, you need to buy the epilogue. Unfortunately, I didn't read all the juicy content cuz I'm saving dias for the election =/. I hope there is a rerun of this event so I can get another chance of buying this one.

But, tbh, I loved this story event with Napoleon. I usually like most of his story events, but this particular one was so much fun! It just gave me so many ideas of other couple contests they could join.

And Napoleon's personality is so fucking wholesome. Every time I play his event stories I get super happy cuz it's more content with my man, but, at the same time, I get frustrated that I don't have more Napoleon's routes to read hahahahha.

Thankfully, his bday is coming and I'll buy his set to read more exclusive stories. I would also love if cybird release another CD drama. I miss his voice so fucking much.

SWEET

After Napoleon said MC's name, he immediately took off the blindfold. He was happy to confirm he got it right. But the organizers of the contest didn't want him to take off the blindfold so soon. But as he guessed super fast, they were not prepared for a situation like this one.

So they decided to give MC and Napoleon a prize as well for winning the game. But I suppose the biggest prize was for someone else who followed all the rules.

The next thing we see is Napoleon and MC chatting in his room at the mansion. MC was thrilled he got it right. She was so proud of him and so happy that he knows her so well. He asked if she would be able find him too. MC said she would recognize his hands for sure.

On the next day, they were in town again. MC was waiting for Napoleon. He was on one of his errands. While she was waiting for him, some people recognized her from the couple contest and started to congratulate her for their performance.

Suddenly, she sees a bunch of women surrounding Napoleon. He sees annoyed with the situation but says nothing. When he notices MC from afar, he calls her name and runs toward her.

He grabs her hand and they start running to get away from those girls.

MC asked how he knew she was in that exact location. He said he just wished she was there. When he looked again, there she was.

[pinky-the-elephant-room]

Cerulean

● AN: Thanks to @succulent-momma​ and @drabbles-blurbs-words​ for editing this for me. A quick note before reading this Japan doesn’t foster in large numbers.  So most orphans or neglected children go to a facility called “Children’s homes”. Also, I wanted to take on the trope of the hero “breaking their lover’s heart to save them” usually it ends up with the said lover being heartbroken for years before the hero finds them again and voila! Everything is fine and dandy after the truth comes out. I really dislike this trope so I wanted to do a prompt to expand more on this.

● Warning: This prompt includes underage sex between two minors, explicit sex, consensual sex, and angst read at your own discretion. For those who are Nana fans I also warn you read cautiously. 

● Young All Might x Fem Reader

●●●●●

Y/N frowned at Nana-neesan; her frown became even more severe at the sight of the taller blonde man.

“What do you want, nee-san? You made it clear that you didn’t want me to interfere with your work when you left me here,” she murmured under her breath while keeping an eye on the blonde that was nervously looking from her older sister to her.

Here being the children’s home for abused and abandoned orphans. Yes, she had a living older sister who could have taken care of her but chose not to due to her dangerous job as a Pro Hero complete with a maniacal evil villain.

Nana sent a sorrowful smile towards her.

“I know you aren’t happy with my decision, but I promise I would rather you be alive here than dead with me. You being alive in front of my eyes means everything to me even if it means that I won’t see you as often.”

Y/N had heard this speech over and over again, she should understand her intentions by now, right? She understands that her older sister spends time-saving the entirety of Japan, but all she wants is to go home and see her family regularly. She wanted to see her infant nephew that was only 3 months old. So, she should understand, but Y/N couldn’t help the bitterness bubbling inside of her.

Nana gestured to the man next to her.

“This is my student and successor, Yagi Toshinori. I want you and him to get along. Think of him as your oni-san. He’ll protect you when I can’t,” she told her. The glint in Nana’s eyes showed the pride and joy she held for her student.

That revelation only made things worse for Y/N. What was nee-san doing now? Picking up strays off the street and replacing her real siblings? Sure, she didn’t have a quirk like nee san’s, but it didn’t mean she was worthless. It didn’t mean she deserved to be abandoned at a children’s home.

Y/N sent a vicious glare to the man well more like boy named Yagi.

“He is not my oni-san. I might live here right now, but I have a family. And I don’t remember my parents having a boy,” Y/N growled out and sent one last look at her sister. She seemed to be pleading with Y/N before a resigned look settled in her eyes.

She stomped over to the caretaker and told her that the visit was over. The official just nodded and politely asked Nana-neesan to leave. She only stared at Y/N for a few more moments before heeding the request and leaving her alone again in the facility. It shouldn’t hurt, after all, she had already been here since she was 15 and now her 16th birthday was only a few months away. And yet, to see her sister’s back as she left again, it tore another piece of her on the inside. The worst thing was Y/N should hate her with every fiber of her being, but she couldn’t. She wanted her family and her sister. Not this stranger who upheld the One for All legacy over the cost of her own blood.

So, Y/N hardened her heart and trudged back to her shared room with another abandoned girl who only smiled in sympathy at her plight.

“Ne Y/N, look I bought some snacks from the nearby convenience store with my allowance. Want some?”

She shook her head at the girl’s earnest look and scooted over to her friend. “I thought you were on a diet.”

Her friend only shrugged and held out a chocolate bar which Y/N took a generous bite out of.

“Trust me, whenever these parents or foster people come to check on us. We need this!”

Y/N didn’t voice her agreement out loud but took another bite of her chocolate as the two lonely girls chatted and comforted each other for the sorrows that were beyond their control.

●●●●●

Unfortunately, that last disastrous visit was not the end of it. It seemed Yagi had taken it upon himself to befriend the lone sister of his teacher. He started showing up at the facility even without nee-san. Y/N didn’t ask him if her sister knew what her student was doing. At first, she refused all visits from him, but he left presents for her. Snacks, chocolate, makeup (haphazardly bought but luxurious nonetheless), and even envelopes with small amounts of spending money. Finally, she got fed up with it and confronted him.

“Do you think I’m cheap and easy that you can buy my affections with all this stuff? I told you I don’t want another sibling, nor do I need one,” she huffed angrily at him. The idiotic man just smiled with jubilation in return to her censure. “Why are you smiling? Do you think making me angry and upset is funny?”

He quickly crossed his hands in an X and shook his head. “No! I’m just happy you’re finally talking to me and I get it. I know that it’s weird for someone to come out of nowhere and act like your brother. But that’s just Shishou’s wish for us to get along.”

Y/N could feel her annoyance build up and replied, “well it’s always been about what she wants isn’t it? Never about what I want or what my wishes are. Did she even think about how I would feel when she brought her student to meet me and ask me to treat you like family when she left me here? No, she didn’t! Just like she didn’t consider how all of this is impacting me. Does she even care?”

The last part ruined her and the lump in her throat caused her voice to break as she voiced out her deepest fears to the guiltless boy in front of her. Yagi stepped in front of her and grabbed both of her shoulders. Y/N let out a gasp when he pulled her close and she could see the depth in his ocean eyes.

“Gomen. I can’t say I know everything that happened between Shishou and you. I can see that her sacrifices have hurt you and nothing I do will ever erase those hurts. I won’t ever replace the family that you had nor the sister you want. But I can be the friend you need.”

His eyes shined brightly with resolve and she wanted to believe him. Y/N was so tired of this past year, everything that could possibly go wrong had gone wrong. Y/N tried to slip out of his strong grasp and separate herself from his expectations.

“Please,” he urged softly.

Y/N looked back into his eyes and felt her trepidation crumble.

“Fine. We can try being friends, but the second you act out of line. You will stop visiting me.” She warned him.

Again, he sent a delighted smile her way and brought her in for a tight hug. Y/N felt her cheeks heat up and tried to push him away from her.

“Thanks! I promise you won’t regret giving me a chance.”

Y/N scoffed and pushed against his strong chest even harder. “I already do,” she murmured to herself as the overly joyful man finally let her go.

●●●●●

Over the next couple of months, Toshinori made good on his promise and she saw him more often than her sister. She saw him after he got accepted into U.A. and he shared his elation with her. She saw him as he failed several times to defeat someone named Gran Torino. She even stayed and listened to him as he babbled on about her nee-san’s ideals of saving people with a smile. They grew closer than she ever thought possible. And so, it wasn’t a surprise that closeness evolved into something else.

“Here you go, Y/N-chan!” he handed over a gift wrapped up nicely. Her 16th birthday had included well wishes from the caretakers within the facility, her roommate, and her too often absent sister. But Toshinori had held off the celebrations until he was able to get a reprieve from U.A. to visit her.

She read the card first, it was a sloppily written card with her name on it. Y/N snickered at the butchered Kanji rather than the expected elegant calligraphy from her sister’s protegee. Finally, she took apart the present. It was a picture of kittens with bows on it. She felt her eyebrows twitch and sent Toshinori a glare. He knew how badly she wanted a pet, but the facility wouldn’t allow it.

She took the frame out and held it up to hit him with it. “You jerk! How could you do this on my birthday!”

“Wait..Wait! It’s not what you think!” he yelled out while avoiding her hits easily.

She huffed and said, “explain now! Before I beat you senseless with this cute frame.”

“Do you remember that kitten you saved from the streets and brought them to the nearest vet? Well, one of those kittens are him and the rest of those kittens have all found homes. They were going to be put down in the shelter due to limited space and because they were FIV positive. However, I’ve spent time and money to ensure that all of them found homes.”

Y/N looked down at the frame and sure enough one of them resembled the orange fluff ball she rescued from a storm drain.

“I know it’s not the pet you wanted. But until you can get one for yourself. I hope this is enough.”

She stared at him unblinkingly and he started getting unnerved with the way she was insistently staring without uttering a word.

“It’s a bad present, isn’t it? I’m sorry I thought it was a good idea and I’ve never bought a gift for a girl before. You know what? You can keep the frame and we can go out for dinner instead. My treat- Mprrh!” His rambling was cut off by her lips capturing Toshinori’s.

He didn’t waste a second, tugging her into his arms, and responding with fervent enthusiasm. He felt so warm, she couldn’t remember the last time someone just held her. First, she had lost her parents. And then her nee-san increasingly disappeared on her heroic crusade until she finally dumped her at this facility. It felt so right in his strong arms and a sigh of content escaped her as his tongue traced her lips as if asking for permission. She granted it and fell into a deeper escape. For the last few months, since she had gotten to know Toshinori, everything felt lighter. And the fact she was forsaken no longer weighed heavily on her being. He was the first good thing to happen that was entirely hers. Y/N’s feelings only grew more severe when she saw the depths he would go for her. But she feared that his kindness was something he shared with everyone or that he only cared for her because of nee-san. But now she could feel his tongue explore her mouth with zeal, tempting her body to respond with needy whimpers. Y/N was sure that her fears were unfounded. They only separated when air became necessary but even then, they stayed engrossed in each other. Toshinori rested his forehead against hers. She was unable to look away when he looked at her with such unrestrained and open adoration.

“Is it .… always like that?” he asked as he gasped for breath.

“I’m not sure,” she admitted, afraid to let him know that he was her first kiss.

He only stared at her with starry eyes and no judgment as he brought her into another kiss and another; until she could no longer spare time as curfew forced her to return.  

The rest of the year was spent with them sneaking out to meet each other whenever it was possible. Her nee-san seemed suspicious at the newfound familiarity between her imouto and student. But at the same time, she was relieved to know there was someone else to look out for Y/N. She never did suspect that the way Toshinori and Y/N were spending time was hardly in a way that normal friends ever attempted.

●●●●●

One particular weekend Y/N found herself at Toshinori’s apartment. He stayed there whenever he wasn’t training or was at U.A. It was a fairly decent apartment. It lacked any personal items only containing the necessity. She waited patiently in the apartment while the blonde went to the restroom. She couldn’t help herself when she went exploring through his space. Opening doors and peeking inside whatever that was unlocked. Y/N always did have a habit of being nosey and a sneak, so she didn’t think twice when she came to Toshi’s room and swung it open. Though, even his bedroom wasn’t much to look at; except he had a nice large bed instead of a futon. She was just about to leave disappointed when she spotted a sparkly gift bag tucked away on a desk.

Now normally going through people’s gifts and precious items was going too far even for her, but that gift bag’s logo was familiar to her. It was the bag of the most famous lingerie brand in Japan. She didn’t buy lingerie for herself, but she did buy regularly their bras and panties whenever necessary. So, the fact that her boyfriend had something from them in his room and she didn’t know about it, well she felt justified to look through said gift bag.

Y/N sifted through the purple wrapping paper and a receipt before coming across a babydoll lingerie. She breathed a sigh of relief when she realized the garment still had its tags on it. Did that mean Toshi bought it for her and had yet to give it to her? She had to admit his taste in lingerie was very tasteful. It was sheer mauve with black trimmings on its edges and with a matching panty. Though the amount of lace on the fabric was kind of surprising, he didn’t seem like the type of guy who would like lace.

“Hey, are you in here?” Toshi yelled out when he came into the room only to let out a strangled gasp when he saw her standing there with the babydoll in hand.

Y/N only raised her eyebrow meaningfully at him.

“It’s not what you think!” he stuttered trying to find an excuse as to why he had that in his room. “Ok. It’s exactly what you think….. I like lace?.... And I thought you would look pretty in it?”

See if she didn’t know Toshinori as well as she did, Y/N would have thought he was lying. But she knew it was the truth; from the way he looked directly in her eyes and the fact that every time they got intimate, he acted angsty. Like he wanted more. She waited for him to ask permission to go further but he never did. Maybe this was his way to suggest it without putting too much pressure on her.

She looked at the soft revealing garment in her hand and his panicked face. Y/N started unzipping her hoody and let it fall to the floor.

His breath hitched and he murmured, “w-what are you doing?”

“Well, you bought it for me, didn’t you? Don’t you think I should try it on?”

Keeping eye contact Y/N unbuttoned her jeans and tugged them off too. She then reached over and pulled off her tank top and added it to the pile. Toshinori on the other hand had his entire face flushed red. His eyes wildly moved from her face to her body as if he didn’t know what to savor first. She reached behind and unbuckled her bra from its hook. She made sure not to look at her boyfriend while she shed her panty. Her last piece of clothing as she didn’t want to lose her nerve. Grabbing the babydoll she pulled it over her head and the slick material slid down her body. It barely covered her butt and her nipples strained against the material.

“So, what do you think?” Y/N asked with a nervous smile.

His nervous composure disappeared, and he confidently strode towards her. He touched her hair and loosened the bun she had pilled her hair in. Her long hair fell in waves and framed her face delicately, he smiled at the sight she made.

“Now it’s perfect. You look beautiful,” he said as he reached down to kiss her.

She didn’t know how they got from standing and kissing softly in the middle of the room and to his bed. Toshinori somewhere along the way had shed all his clothes, settling his hard body against her soft curves. Her first time was everything she imagined, the love in his eyes as she trusted him to take care of her. The horror stories of how much it hurt weren’t true in her case because all she could see was the exquisiteness of the ocean in his eyes. Did he know how expressive they were? They told so many stories from just their azure hues. She had seen them in sadness, fear, and joy. But they never shined with such brilliance until she stared above at him caging her tiny body protectively.

“Toshi.. hnggg~..” she whimpered out as he roughly palmed her breasts over the mauve intimate apparel.

He wouldn’t let her take it off, preferring her in it. Saying he liked the way her body appeared so sinful and tempting while she blushed and squirmed underneath him.

She let out another gasp when his cock slid in with the exact angle she needed, and her body arched accordingly. She spread her thighs more and hooked them around his waist so that he could move in easier without many obstacles. It felt like a warm entity had entered and filled her up just when she needed it. She felt Toshinori’s large hands secure themselves around her waist and lift her entire body. She let out a yelp and then a loud moan when he slammed her back down.

Y/N could vaguely hear his praises amongst his groans, the sounds of the bed slamming against the wall and the obscene wet sounds of their sexes intermingling. He told her how gorgeous she looked and how much he loved her.

She could feel herself spiraling before she lost it again and again. Y/N realized with frustration that Toshi was purposely changing his rhythm and speed.

Once again when her pleasure stopped midway, she let out a sob.

“Please, baby. I c-can’t.”

“Not yet. I promise I’ll give you what you need. Just wait,” Toshinori crooned as he ragdolled her body with his powerful thrusts.

Her short-bitten nails dug into his skin when she felt him lap at her perky cleavage. The thin soaked fabric clung to her body lewdly and it only encouraged his explorations. She grabbed the back of his head and encouraged him to suck the other neglected breast. When she felt him gingerly lick the fabric that covered the taut nub before sucking deeply, she finally lost it. Her muscles started squeezing around his member and the flutters started pulsing. The pulses came faster and faster as he helped her ride it out. 

The base of his cock felt heavy and tight. Toshinori slipped out of her surging cunt and spilled more of her juices onto his bedsheets. Keeping her thighs together, he used her thickness to stimulate himself and spilled his cum. He watched captivated as his sticky fluid ran down her thighs.

 The two lovers drifted off to sleep after their exertion. And when Y/N returned to the Children’s home the next day only to be punished for staying out without permission, she couldn’t help but think it was worth it.

●●●●●

Y/N ran through the hospital at top speed, trying to dodge oncoming patients and nurses. She spotted Toshinori standing next to a curiously short man.

“Toshi! Are you okay? I heard you and nee-san were involved in something big!” Y/N asked in a panic looking over his bruised and bandaged cheeks.

She looked up at him worriedly when he cupped her face gently.

“Y/N, Nana-shishou is… She’s gone.”

It felt like her entire life came to a standstill. “Gone where? Toshi, that’s not a funny joke,” she observed his face looking for any signs that he might be kidding, only to realize he wasn’t.

“No! That can’t be true. Nee-san was strong there’s no way!” There were no tears or anything that might qualify as grief. Instead, she felt anger.

“Of course! She left me here all alone! All for what??! A country that doesn’t even know her name? She’ll be forgotten like the rest of the heroes! Nobody’s going to remember her and what about Kotaro? Did she even for a second think about what would happen to her son?” Her rage growing more incense by each sentence.

“Now listen here, girl! I don’t care if you are family, but I will not let you belittle her sacrifice!” The old man butted in.

“Who the hell are you? And why are you butting in my business?” She snapped at the Oji-san that barely came up to her hips.

The old man lifted his hand like he was about to hit her when Toshinori stepped in.

“Gran Torino, please Y/N’s shocked right now. There’s no need for that.” He grabbed her hand and took her away from the hospital.

They both stood outside as the cloudy weather and humid air swarmed to create a gloomy atmosphere. She sobbed in his embrace as he hugged her close.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault. Shishou was protecting me. If only I was stronger then I could have saved her.”

Y/N could have blamed him, but there was no point because taking it out on her boyfriend would not bring her older sister back. So, she only hugged him tighter as if she was trying to prevent him from leaving her too.

●●●●●

Although, she should have known in hindsight that people who were meant to leave always did regardless of what you wanted. A month after nee-san’s death, Toshinori stuck close. But as timed passed, he no longer could afford to as he had to up his training to fight the villain that caused her last remaining family’s death. He was drifting farther and farther away despite her clinging to him. She felt helpless.

So, imagine her surprise when she saw Toshinori waiting for her at the Children’s home as she returned from school.

“Toshi! You’re here! This is a surprise!” she squealed with happiness and kissed his cheek quickly.

She looked around to see no one in the garden behind the facility and so she pressed her lips against his in haste.

“I’ve missed you so much,” she murmured only for him to relinquish her hold and step back. His action caused her to flinch and her heart to clench. Y/N had a terrible feeling, was someone else dead now too? Was it Kotaro? She only knew that her nephew was given up to adoption.

“Toshi? What’s wrong? You’re scaring me.”

Toshinori only stared at the ground for a few minutes, his bangs hiding his face.

“Y/N, you and I have been together for a year and a couple of months, now right?”

She hummed an affirmative and shuffled closer to him only for Toshi to step back further.

“When I first saw you, I didn’t think we would make it this far. It wasn’t my intention. But we’ve come to care for one another. And I can’t lie to you anymore. I once told you I love you. And you told me the same, even now you look at me with expectations and love. I just can’t do this anymore. It would be wrong of me to lead you on like this.”

The words weighed upon her like someone was compressing her chest. Y/N suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe, her heart racing out of control.

“What are you saying? This doesn’t make sense just a few months ago you were telling me you loved me. Toshi, why are you lying to me? And why won’t you look at me!”

He looked up from the ground to reveal his vulnerable eyes. The same eyes that would showcase how much he cared for her. Now they were filled with fear, only to harden with determination.

“I’m not lying. I did love you months ago. But now that Shishou is gone and I’m left with her legacy. I need space and I need to grow. I don’t need someone who will cling to me and expect me to solve all her problems! You’re suffocating me and I can’t breathe around you. When you needed me months ago, I felt like I could make everything better for you. But now I know the truth that even heroes can’t save everyone-���

She interrupted his tirade with a choked sob and his face twisted with agony.

“Get out,” she whispered.

Just like all those months ago when Nana-neesan left her behind at this lonely place, Y/N hardened her heart once again.

“I said GET OUT! I don’t want to see your face again!” She screamed.

“Y/N, I—” He reached out to her.

“Don’t! I never asked for your help. I never asked for you to come save me. I was fine by myself then and I’m going to be fine now. So, I’m giving you your freedom. Get out, Yagi Toshinori.”

She waited a few minutes for him to leave, only he wasn’t. He kept staring at her with torment.

“Fine, I’ll do you one last favor because in the past we loved and respected each other.” With that, she left him in that back garden only to keep walking until that facility was out of sight.

●●●●●

Y/N realized years later that the people who leave and those who you leave behind don’t really disappear from your life. The experiences and memories she retained left their marks on her like a blueprint. So, she instead decides to fill those spaces with new passions and loves. Y/N graduated from college and eventually went on to become a teacher. She figured that either she could despair about the circumstances she was dumped with or she could turn it into an opportunity. 

While remaining under the custody of the prefecture she was able to get financial help to further her education and make something out of her life. All the while searching for her last kin, Kotaro. There were a few paper trails as to who exactly adopted her nephew, but they lead nowhere; she kept an eye out for any information regarding him.

As she moved on and created a life for herself, he eventually came back to Japan. Bursting into the scene as a top hero, it was hard to see him at first. But even that ache disappeared as his face cropped up on every single piece of merchandise possible. She even reluctantly bought an All Might ramen only because that was her favorite flavor and it happened to be endorsed by him.

But she never did expect to meet him face to face years later.

●●●●●

A villain cackled as the hostages and Y/N waited anxiously for a hero to rescue them. She was just minding her business, trying to deposit her usual check when this unfortunate incident happened. However, she didn’t realize that the more frightening individual was the man coming to rescue them. Not the low tier criminal. All too soon she heard his joy-filled laugh, it uplifted the spirits of those surrounding him and flooded her up with more regret.

‘I should have just stayed home. This could have waited till tomorrow.’ She couldn’t help but think.

When everyone else was rescued, she kept her head down trying to escape before he noticed her. There were like 50 other hostages hopefully they won’t notice. But luck was not on her side as an EMT called her over and began checking for signs of distress. Y/N only scowled with annoyance at the pestering man who seemed to realize she wasn’t too happy and was all too eager to let her go.

Unfortunately for her, she also got stopped by an officer who wanted to take a statement. Regrettably, Y/N couldn’t intimidate the officer into letting her go and with reluctance, she started answering her questions.

“Name, age, and occupation. And what you were doing at the bank?” The officer drawled.

“My name is L/N Y/N and I’m 26 years old. I’m an elementary school teacher and I was going to deposit my recent check when this event happened.”

The officer continued with her bored composure writing down the answers before letting Y/N go with a bow.

She sighed with relief and was about to step away when at the same time she saw All Might turn around after talking to a detective. The two looked across each other through the mayhem and made eye contact. Even from far away, she could see the way his eyes widened, and his jaw dropped in surprise. Her face paled and she quickly took off in any direction trying to avoid the man she hadn’t thought about in years.

Y/N ran for blocks, hightailing it in her heels. The awful shoes pinched and dug into her feet. But when she stopped to see no one pursuing she relaxed and thought that the pain was worth avoiding the awkward past.

Only for All Might to come flying through the city and landing unceremoniously in front of her.

‘This just isn’t my day is it?’ her thoughts spiraled as she longingly eyed the street behind the robust hero.

“Y/N! I’m so glad to see you! I’ve been looking for you, but you disappeared after graduating college,” he began.

“Well, that’s what happens when you don’t want people to find you. Toshinori, why were you looking for me? We aren’t friends and we didn’t end on a good note. There’s no need for happy reunions now are there? Excuse me,” she replied trying to bypass the hero.

He grabbed her hand to prevent her from leaving.

“Wait! That’s what I want to talk about. When I left, I said some horrible things to you and despite everything, I still care about you. I never should have said any of it to you especially knowing what you were going through.”

Y/N paused and listened to his words; she licked her dry lips nervously and wondered if his words held any merit now.

“Back then you lied, didn’t you? You were leaving for America and so you decided to pick up on my nee-san’s bad habit of lying and misleading people to protect them.”

She turned around to face him, the man that broke her heart all those years ago.

“H-how did you know?”

Y/N let out a weak chuckle. “I tracked him down. When we broke up and I eventually lost my pride. I came to find you and convince you to give us another chance. But the Oji-san told me you already left for America. And that’s when I knew you were lying. I suppose you learned from the best. She never told me the truth, you know? I never knew about the burden of One for All and I never knew about All for One. All this time I was kept in the dark and I had all these questions running through my mind. I’m not sure if the answers would have made me happier but I would have eventually understood. And she even took that away from me.”

Y/N finally took a close look at Toshi and noticed all the hard edges to his face. He was more mature, and his body was rippled with muscles. But his eyes were still the same. Those ocean eyes she loved so much.

He looked at her sadly and bowed deeply. “I’m sorry, Y/N. Please forgive me. I just wanted to keep you safe. I lost Shishou and I couldn’t lose you too.”

She felt embarrassed at the reverence Japan’s biggest hero was showing her, a nobody.

“Please, there’s no need for that. I’m not mad anymore. I’m happy for you, Toshi. And I’m happy for your success.”

He straightened up and gave her a wobbly smile that didn’t suit All Might. Y/N decided this emotional reunion was getting too much for her, she stepped around him once more. He once again grabbed her hand to prevent Y/N from leaving.

“Where are you going? We just met after so long.”

Y/N only smiled sadly at him.

“I’m tired of people lying to me and I’m tired of waiting for people to come back.”

He only looked confused and tried desperately to reassure her.

“I’m right here in front of you and I’ve come back.”

She placed her hand on top of his and slowly unraveled his fingers and his tight grip.

“You didn’t come back for me. Go become the symbol of peace like she wanted. I’ll be watching and cheering you on. Safe and sound from afar like you wanted, but just not with you.”

Toshinori was speechless for the first time since he appeared in front of her. His eyes’ shine now seemed a bit duller and suspiciously wet.

Y/N repeated his earlier gesture and bowed deeply to him with respect.

“Thank you so much and goodbye, All Might.”

He didn’t try to stop her that time and let her leave. As Y/N walked down that empty street and looked above to see the crescent moon shining brightly, she couldn’t help but think to herself that she was all grown up now and no longer needed Toshi or nee-san to feel whole.

[junicai]

spinning.

| summary | sometimes, its just easier to move on to a new thing - rather than hold onto the old.

| word count | 2.6k

| warnings | none

| era: | pre-debut, circa. 2013 through 2016

2013. 

There is nothing in the world that can compare to the feeling of skating across clean ice. A smooth sheet, unmarred by skates belonging to those who have yet to wake up in the early hours of the morning. 

Not when it’s just you, the blades beneath your feet and the soft sounds that come with the ice being carved out - lines being embedded into the sheet of ice as you twirl across it. Painting pictures without the paint, gliding over the frozen lakes. 

It’s indescribable. The feeling of freedom, the feeling of flying. But that doesn’t mean Aria is going to stop trying to describe it to as many people as she can.

The most common question she is asked in an interview, either post or pre skate, is “why do you do what you do?” or “why do you love skating?” or “where does your motivation come from?” All the same question essentially, in different words and different fonts, with the same over-eager expression that Aria has come to know as one that is plastered on when the interviewer really couldn’t give less of a damn about the answer. 

They would swarm you at the edge of the rink, hungry and eager for a good piece, almost falling over each other in their desperation to catch her slip up on her words. Just because she was a child, doesn’t mean they weren’t ready prepared to destroy her on the front pages. 

Either way, Aria never had a solid answer for them.

Why did she do what she did? Her parents enrolled her in lessons as a child, you could say she just stuck with it. You could say that she found her niche early on, that she was blessed to have found what it is she loves at a young age. You could say that she was a prodigy in the making, you could say that she was advanced for her age, that she was sweeping competitions with skaters nearly twicer her age. You could say a lot of things, but that didn’t necessarily make them true. 

Skating was, all she knew. 

She had to love it.

Her life revolved around the carefully regimented training schedule, around meets and competitions that involved too many airplanes and too many sickbags and too many sprained wrists, ankles, knees; not enough schooling and not enough friends. 

Aria could her her coach’s voice calling out from across the rink. 

“Back leg! Straighten it out!” 

She straightened it out. 

Aria could feel the eyes of her mother from across the rink. The woman had insisted on accompanying her daughter to the rink that morning, although she never usually attended Aria’s morning practices - saying that it was ungodly hours to be awake and claiming that “she was a working woman! She needed her sleep”, although never had any reservations in shoving her daughter out the door.

Today though, her mother’s piercing eyes found Aria’s from the side benches she sat on, legs crossed as well as her arms, eyes cold and calculating. She knew better than to call out her corrections - less Aria’s coach hear her - but Aria knew she’d be getting an earful back home about that leg. 

She took a breath, eyes hardening as she fixed her gaze forward.

Today marked six months since she had competed in her last competition, having taken a break from public appearances and performances, reducing her training down to twice a week instead of her regular rigid schedule. Spilling across the ice, feeling her knees weaken underneath her as she pushed up into the air before coming down far too quickly was enough to deter her from getting back onto the ice again for a while. 

Aria loved skating, she did. Truly. There was something about coming to a rink in the early morning, half the gym barely awake to take notice of the petite fourteen-year-old kneeling beside the benches to lace up her skates. 

Something about the soft sun that came whispering in through the skylight windows that dotted the ceilings, something about the silent speakers that had yet to play the summer 2012 hits because the attendee hadn’t woken up from their bed yet.

Something about skating as fast as you can, before wrapping your arms in as tightly as possible and spinning. 

As fast as a spinning top; spinning, spinning, spinning. 

She never felt like she would fall. 

Spinning, spinning, spinning.

2014.

She spun around slowly, hands and arms raised as the security officer checked the scans. A small beep sounded and the lights beside the panel the officer was standing at flashed green. Stepping out, she was cleared to go through with a wave, the teenage girl offering a nod of thanks and a small smile to the man as she moved out of the way of the next passenger and towards the moving belt across the room.

Her brightly-coloured yellow suitcase was starkly obvious against the faded black plastic of the rollers that spun as it moved down, and Aria grabbed its’ handle in her fist before bracing herself and heaving it off the just slightly-too-high to be comfortable ledge. 

Aria’s shoes scuffed against the grayed flooring as she pulled the case off the belt, and reached back up to grab the smaller - but still large enough - backpack in a similar colour to the suitcase she was now stabilizing with her other hand. The bright red sticker with the letters U.M. on it stuck out against the material.  It slid off the ledge quickly, almost smacking Aria in the face.

She huffed slightly, glaring at the plastic-covered backpack in her right fist.

“Pooh-san, you could have hurt me! I have to look like the pictures mum sent of me, or else they mightn’t let me in!” she scolded the soft yellow covered ear poking out of the partially unzipped bag. It bounced slightly as Aria proceeded to swing the backpack onto her shoulder, tugging down on the strap with her hand.

Her mother’s voice echoed in her head. “Don’t you go losing that bag now! It has all your details in it for when you land - you show those bits of paper to the lady who’ll be picking you up in the airport, alright?”

A small squeeze to the bottom of the bag made the papers rustle slightly, and Aria relaxed minutely at the knowledge that they hadn’t suddenly gone missing. The rattle that followed the shifting paper popped another stark reminder into her mind. 

Still standing off to one side of the security line, Aria pulled the backpack down off her back again, opening the zip and carefully pushing Pooh-san to the side before dipping her hand in and closing her fingers around a small pink velour sachet.  

She pulled it out, and tucked it carefully into the front pocket of the hoodie she was wearing - nestled beside her passport and the few bank notes she had left. There had been hot chocolate offered on the flight and it had been all too easy to accept without her parents there to tell her no. 

Aria inhaled a deep breath, letting her shoulders come up to her ears before exhaling sharply and dropping them down.

“Okay,” she mumbled to herself, her grip tightening on her suitcase handle. “Okay.”

Not looking back, she began walking towards the exit that would lead her into the main section of the airport terminal, following all the light blue signs and their arrows pointing “arrivals”. Aria kept her head down moving in between people walking slower, apologizing when she accidentally hit a tall man with the wheels on her case and subsequently opting to push the case in front of her instead of tugging it behind. 

Leaving behind everything that she knew was daunting; her friends, her home. Everyone she'd ever known was about to be replaced with a dozen or so trainees - all years older and wiser than her.

She was going to miss home. Home, in the sense of the people that knew her inside out and back to front, who she knew the same. Even those that she didn't know at all, but knew her too well.

Aria passed a dozen shops, all with brightly coloured names and signage in an alphabet she couldn’t read, people walking both ways down a one-way corridor, noise surrounding her. Older women gave her a smile as she passed them by, offering a small wave when she smiled back. 

Walking through a final archway, Aria stepped forward into a large opened area, illuminated by the skylights that covered the entire ceiling. Large panels hung from the centre of the room, flights inbound and outbound covering both sides of the screen. People stood around at the gate, some holding up signs with names in a multitude of languages, others clinging onto the metal bar that separated the passengers from their families who waited for them.

Looking up, Aria scanned the white panels for her name. 

She spun on her heel as she searched, spinning around twice before landing on the oddly written kanji, with its slightly wobbly lines like it had been written very slowly.

Aria’s eyes trailed upwards, finding the eyes of a peaceful looking woman holding her sign and already watching her. The woman broke her serene stare with a blink, before beckoning Aria over. 

“Miyazu Akari?” 

Aria nodded, her eyes continuing their trail upwards.

There, above the woman’s head. A sign.

Incheon, International Airport. South Korea.

2014. 

Aria was spinning. 

Four counts, and a half beat. 

Her feet left the ground in a graceful arc, turning in mid air as her arms pulled themselves in, and - oh dear. She’d missed the final count. 

Aria met the ground in a heap, too rushed to try and stop her spin to slow down her movement enough for her to catch the wobble. Her hands met the wooden spring flooring, fingers crinkling as she gathered herself again. Her breath came in heavy pants, knees aching from where they had hit the floor. 

Covered in bruises hidden by the dark grey leggings, Aria’s legs shook slightly, even after righting herself and moving gingerly back over towards her starting position. She could feel the eyes of the others boring into her back, and she made an aborted apologetic bow towards their choreographer; who scoffed slightly. 

“Again. Because some people can’t count.” He gritted out between clenched teeth, walking over to stop the pounding music that had yet to halt like the rest of the girls in the practice room had. 

Aria kept her eyes on the ground, moving her mouth in time with the counts.

“One, a two, a three, a four, and, one-” she mouthed, focused on keeping her feet in time with the others as they moved through the motions again and again and again. 

By the time their choreographer called for a break, Aria was sweating through her hoodie, though still unwilling to take it off. The other trainees had no such qualms however, tugging hoodies and t-shirts over their heads to leave them in leg-hugging shorts and various colours of sports bras. Toned stomachs and steely legs were revealed, as heads were tipped back to pour water into open mouths.

Aria picked up her own water bottle to follow suit. 

The water was warmed slightly from the condensation that was beginning to gather on the mirrors and the hot, sweat-filled air that permeated the room, but Aria broke open the seal and drank thirstily regardless. She knew she only had a moment before they were called back to practice. 

“Okay girls, I think that’s enough for today.”

Or perhaps she had been mistaken. 

Nevertheless, Aria was definitely not done for the day. That final turn was going to drive her insane unless she got it down, and she’d rather not have to walk back to the practice rooms in the middle of the night just because she couldn’t sleep. 

So instead of following the others in their relieved, tired sighs and bemoans of wanting a shower, Aria opened her bag and shoved her bottle back inside. She called out to another girl as she passed. 

“Unnie, I think I might stay back for a bit. Can you tell Eunji-unnie that I’ll be late home and she shouldn’t worry?” her voice was higher pitched in Korean Aria noticed; not on purpose, but the language had a certain lilt to it that felt more comfortable in a higher register.

The woman in question send her a look, eyebrows furrowed. “That’s fine Ari-ah, but don’t stay back too long ok? We have another early practice tomorrow morning.” 

Aria winced at the reminder. “I will, unnie.”

She waved goodbye to the other girls, waiting for the last one to leave with a smile and a small wave before moving to the small sound system in the corner of the room. Aria pulled up the track again, pressing play about halfway through the song. 

Her hand came to tap out the rhythm on her thigh, eyes looking to the left but not seeing as she focused on finding the syncopated beats in the back of the song. As the section ended, Aria pulled back the track to the same part, playing it four more times before she was satisfied that she’d found the correct rhythm. 

She clicked play, before moving back to slightly off centre of the room. Counting out the opening beats, Aria pushed herself off the ground, calling out the rhythm to herself in her mind. 

The room was spinning, 

and she landed in a heap. 

2015.

Oh god the room was spinning. Her hands were shaking, Aria was pretty sure that her stomach had turned and that was a good signal that she was about to throw up and was not something to be ignored.

Yet here she was, ignoring it. 

Her wobbly hands reached for the proffered pen - a blue ballpoint pen with a fancy casing that probably cost more than the jumper she was wearing to hide the old t-shirt she had thrown on that morning. 

She was absolutely going to be sick. 

A click on the top of the pen let Aria know that it was ready, and with wobbly, shaky hands;

she signed across the line in deep blue ink.

2016.

The ceiling was spinning. 

That was new. 

Aria felt like her back had been slammed into a wall, like she’d been run over by a truck and been flattened into the ground - like she’d been underwater for too long and hadn’t had time to regain her breath. 

With a choked gasp, her mouth opened as a hand flew to her mouth. She coughed and inhaled simultaneously, choking on the air. Her chest heaved, hand pounding into it as if it was just in need of a kick-start. 

Hands found her waist, hoisting her into an upright sitting position. Aria was still coughing lightly, although the new pair of hands rubbing gently against her back helped tremendously. From a look upwards, eyes watering in the bright light, she was able to make out Yuta’s humored face.

“Yah, Riri what have we told you about those turns?” he scolded, eyes bright with mischief although she could see the tinge of worry hidden behind it. 

“Not to do them unless someone else is here,” she mumbled, leaning back into his comforting hand on her back. It really did help, considering she had just wiped out onto the hard flooring. 

“Stupid.” Yuta flicked her forehead, before mussing her hair affectionately. The skin reddened slightly, and Aria hissed in pain. She glared at Yuta, who looked far too nonchalant for having just assaulted her. Standing up, he offered a hand to help her off the floor which Aria begrudgingly accepted.

She huffed dramatically, stretching her arms above her head. Aria felt her shoulders crack and sighed slightly at the burst of tension release. She let her head fall to the side as she heard the door to the practice room open.

Ah, there were the others.  

Taeyong walked into the room first, followed by Taeil, Donghyuck, and all the boys before Aria was outnumbered seven to one. 

Her world was spinning. 

[omoi-no-hoka]

Hello! I'm sorry if this has been asked before, but how do you become proficient at handling conversations in Japanese/handling grammar very well? I read your post on the JLPT, and it addressed issues I have been tip toe-ing around--indeed, passive actions such as listening or reading are easier than the active ones. How did you go about that? Did you write a bunch of sentences daily? Did you have a conversation partner? What would you rec. to someone who lives outside Japan? Thank you!

This is an excellent question, and one that I get asked a lot irl by Japanese people in particular. Let’s talk about gaining fluency and the ways we can go about it!

How to Gain Fluency in Japanese (and Other Languages)

Speaking Fluency versus Accuracy

Language proficiency is divided into two separate categories:

Fluency: Although there are no widely agreed-upon definitions or measures of language fluency, someone is typically said to be fluent if their use of the language appears fluid, or natural, coherent, and easy as opposed to slow, halting use. In other words, fluency is often described as the ability to produce language on demand and be understood.

Accuracy: Correctness of language use, especially grammatical correctness and word choice.

By the above definitions, a “fluent” speaker may make grammatical mistakes, but they can speak without having to stop and think too much about conjugations, word choice, etc.

An “accurate” speaker can speak with nearly zero grammatical/word choice mistakes. However, the speed of their utterances isn’t generally taken into account, so it could take an “accurate” person twice as long to articulate the same idea as a “fluent” person. 

Ideally, you need to strike a good balance between these two qualities when speaking. I have a boss, God bless him, who is 100% fluency and 0% accuracy and…man is it hard to understand what he’s saying sometimes, but he can generally get his point across just barely. I have another coworker who is 100% accuracy and takes about 3 minutes to form a sentence because he wants it to be perfect. 

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Accuracy

First, let’s talk about the easiest thing to improve, which is accuracy. It’s also (in my opinion) the least fun thing to improve, because it means grammar books and vocabulary memorization. 

You can only use a language accurately if you know what is correct and what is incorrect, and you can only learn that by studying grammar and vocabulary (or if you’re a native speaker and picked it up innately, you lucky bastard).

So here’s some things you can do to increase your accuracy:

For example, if you’re having a hard time using the passive, you need to review that part of your textbook and find some exercises to drill it into your head. 

Say the correct thing aloud. Lots. Sometimes I just walk around my apartment and narrate everything I see/do like a crazy person, but that’s good practice. 

Write example sentences using the grammar you’re struggling with and say them aloud too. 

There’s a bunch of cool apps that connect you with native speakers that can help correct you too! I used to use HelloTalk, I think. 

If you’re a creative soul, when I was studying for the JLPT, I took 1 grammar point and 5 vocabulary words from my JLPT study books and used them to write a 2-page short story about the adventures of ネギ, a stray black cat that smelled like green onions because she napped in an onion field. Then I had a Japanese friend check it over for me and mark mistakes. I hand-wrote them to improve my abysmal handwriting at the same time. It was really fun! I sometimes think about doing it again just for funsies.

When someone corrects you, don’t feel like your entire life is over and you’re a failure and you’ll never get it right haha. I’ve seen people fall into that hopeless mindset, and that’s just nonsense. It’s a good opportunity for learning and nothing more! Say the correct thing you’ve just been taught out loud, then write it down if you can. And, if possible, find a chance to use it in conversation asap.

How to Increase Speaking/Writing Fluency

Now this is the hard one. Especially for those learners who do not have native speakers nearby. 

I’m going to be dead honest with you. I started formally studying Japanese at uni, and I had a Japanese roommate/best friend since year one. I had a 4.0 GPA in my Japanese classes (and only my Japanese classes lol) because I was and still am a MEGA NERD about it. 

...But it wasn’t until I studied abroad in Japan my 4th year of uni that I gained fluency. 

There are a lot of things that can hold us back from fluency. An interesting thing I’ve noted is that Foreign Language is perhaps the only subject in which a student’s personality can directly affect their progress. To gain fluency, you have to go forth and speak, but if you are naturally a shy person, that is going to hinder you. If you are the kind of person who takes mistakes/failures poorly, you will be less likely to take risks and try to say harder sentences. In contrast, you can get full marks in math regardless of the above personality traits. 

I’m not saying that you have to be an outgoing explosion of a human being in order to gain fluency. But what I am saying is that you have to be willing to seek out conversations, and you have to be willing to take chances. Get out of your comfort zone. Use that new word you picked up the other day. Try to explain something that is difficult for you. 

My problem was that, while I lived with a native speaker who would have happily taught me anything I asked, her English proficiency was much higher than my Japanese proficiency. And when I struggled to say something in Japanese, I’d fall back onto English. And when she told me something I didn’t understand in Japanese, she’d repeat it in English instead of Japanese, because that was easier for us both. The same thing happened when I was in Japanese class as well. I always had the assurance that I could fall back on English.

But when I elected to study abroad in Japan for 3 months, I knew that this was my big chance. So on the host family form in the “other requests” area, I wrote that I specifically wanted a host family that could not speak English. I was setting fire to my crutches, and I was scared but excited to see them burn. 

By the end of my three months in Japan, I had gone from “Chotto matte kudasai” and needing a minute to form my reply, to “Okay, yeah I see that movie too and I liked the action scenes, but I didn’t care for the story little.” (I’ve underlined mistakes that I would have made in Japanese, to show you that I sacrificed some accuracy to obtain higher fluency.)

So, in short, the easiest and quickest way to increase your spoken fluency is to throw away all the crutches you can and use the language as much as possible. Every single day. Even if you’re just having an imaginary conversation with yourself! And like I said, there are a bunch of cool apps that connect you with Japanese people who want to learn English and you can do language exchanges with them. I had a lot of fun with those in the past. 

As for increasing writing fluency...well. That’s a tough question with Japanese, because I can type Japanese at like 100 wpm, but my Japanese handwriting fluency is at a 10/100. I can read and type at the level of a native Japanese high school student, but I can only write the kanji that 7 year old can write. That’s no exaggeration.

The big reason for that dichotomy is that my work is paper-free. 100% of my work is done on screen, so about the only time I have to write out something is when I’m filling out a form, which includes my name (katakana), address, and maybe occupation. 

If you want to increase your Japanese handwriting speed, just keep on writing. Write those little short stories about ネギ like I did, or find some writing prompts (I just started a side-blog with writing prompts yesterday btw) or keep a little diary. Make opportunities to write. 

How to Have Nice Handwriting in Japanese

Okay, full disclaimer: I am the absolute LAST person qualified to talk about this, because I have awful handwriting in Japanese. 

Unless you have prior experience with a different language that uses kanji, or you lack the keen eye of an artist, you will likely struggle to develop neat handwriting. 

Personally, I really like using this app called Japanese Kanji Sensei. It’s on Android (not sure about iOS), and if you pay just a few bucks you can make your own kanji sets and stuff. Anyways, it will show you how to write the characters prettily. It gives you a good frame of reference for what nice, pencil/pen-written characters (versus calligraphy characters). It has hiragana and katakana on it too!

I get a stylus and write out the characters on this app for the muscle memory, so my hands remember the sensation of writing a certain character. (The muscle memory is different if you only use your fingertip.) This muscle memory and repetition is how Japanese people learn how to internalize kanji as well. I really enjoy and recommend this app. I’m sure that there are others out there like it too.

Summary

TL;DR: Review your textbooks, take risks, use every resource available or make your own, and just have fun with it! 💗

[motherofoliver]

Bloom Me A Flower, Maybe Two

(AO3)

Summary: Silly fluff, Kaneki meeting his daughter for the first time and giving her a name.

Word Count: 1,582

Notes: This was the first work I ever shared online and I deleted it along with my account during a particularity difficult time. Although reading it now, I see a lot of things I would like to fix, I am still proud of being able to share it.

*****

“Touka is in labor. Come quick.”

The call was short, like all of Ayato’s calls, but it was enough to send a jolt of panic through Kaneki’s body. He was on the outskirts of the city with some members from the United Front and was preparing to start running in whatever direction led to the hospital until Hide placed a calming hand on his shoulder, implicitly understanding the terrified look on Kaneki’s face, and telling him they could take Marude’s car.

So that was how he found himself squished in the backseat between Takeomi (Yoriko was already with Touka) and Itou (just excited about seeing a baby) while Hide (for the father’s emotional support) took the front seat and Marude (who wouldn’t allow anyone else to drive his new car) drove, grumbling about having to leave the mission early.

Itou was excitedly asking Kaneki a lot of questions like is it a boy or a girl? (he didn’t know, they wanted to keep it as a surprise, but he could’ve sworn Kimi slipped and said a she during their last appointment). Natural or cesarean? (natural if they could help it, despite his own objections to Touka having to put herself through so much pain after seeing that educational video). Would the child eat normal food? (Most likely if Kimi’s predictions were right, and they usually are). Did they have the nursery ready? (It’s been ready for a month with Urie personally doing the drawings on the wall). Will they have anyone to help the first few weeks the baby is born? (They had so many people volunteering to help that they couldn’t schedule all of them, and he and Touka wanted to spend the first night alone with the baby to bond anyway). What were they planning to name the baby? (They actually had no idea, but it wasn’t due to lack of trying).

Question after question, Kaneki appreciated Itou trying to take his mind off worrying about Touka but he really couldn’t focus with him at all. He had read too many books and too many disaster birth stories on mom forums to be able to just relax, and he hated that he wasn’t there to support Touka through what was probably the most painful experience of her life. He kept asking Marude if he could speed up and the man kept telling him, through gritted teeth, that it was the fastest he could go in a residential area.

After what seemed like an eternity, they finally reached the hospital and Kaneki all but jumped through the window and into the hospital, running up the stairs to the birth ward. He was met with Yoriko who was crying outside room 125 (the room they booked in advance, Touka thought it was a lucky number), and she came running towards him as soon as she lifted her head. “She is so beautiful, Kaneki, so beautiful. They both are.” she said through sobs while hugging him tightly.

Kaneki mentally beat himself up for missing the birth (and considered beating up Marude before the more sensible version of himself took over) but he returned Yoriko's hug and thanked her. “Go in, she’s waiting for you” Yoriko gently pushed him to the door "I'll join everyone in the cafeteria so you can find me there if you need anything".

Kaneki stood for what seemed like another eternity at the door. He was overwhelmed by so many emotions that he felt a little tingling at the tips of his fingers. On the other side of that door was Touka, and their child, the child she fought so hard to keep, the child they both tried building a better world for, the culmination of all their hopes and dreams. He was so happy and scared that he felt his heart could stop any moment now.

He braced himself and opened the door to be met with an immense amount of sunlight (unusual for this time of year). Once his eyes adjusted, he was witnessing the most beautiful sight in his life. His wife, Touka Kaneki (whom he expected to be exhausted after such an ordeal), was absolutely glowing, looking at the bundle in her arms with the biggest smile he had ever seen. The scene was so perfect that it looked like a painting and Kaneki took a few moments staring to preserve the memory in his mind.

“Touka, I am so sorry I missed the birth” he apologized quietly, but Touka looked up at him, still beaming, and gestured him to come closer.

“It doesn’t matter, you’re here now, come look at our daughter” she turned the bundle towards Kaneki so he can see.

“She has sesame pudding hair!”

Those were not the first words Kaneki wanted to say upon first meeting his daughter but he couldn’t help himself. Touka laughed and nodded “I was surprised too but it’s cute, I like it”.

Mesmerized, Kaneki couldn’t help but agree as he gently stroked the hair of his sleeping daughter with his finger. “Poor thing was exhausted after the birth and Kimi doing her exam so she is just taking a well earned rest”, Touka brushed her cheek with her finger and the little girl scrunched her nose, much to her parent’s delight.

Kaneki was still in awe, he had read and heard stories, but nothing could compare to the feeling of warmth spreading through his body now. He moved his finger to his daughter’s hand, and she quickly gripped it. He read about this instinct in babies but in that moment, it felt like she was welcoming him.

“We need to give her a name; I can’t keep calling her Usagi forever. Unless…” Touka looked up at Kaneki with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

“We are not naming her Usagi! We discussed this already!” 

Touka pouted playfully and turned to look at her child’s face again. “What will we name her then?”

They went through Kaneki’s list of names with meaningful kanji again, Touka rejecting each one again saying they were too old, too pretentious, or just didn’t feel right, then they moved to the names suggested to them by friends and family (Ayato being a huge supporter of any variation of Usagi), but none of them felt right either. They finally got to the list of ridiculous names Hide sent them after creating an online poll with Saiko. Surprisingly enough, Usagi was the most normal name on that list. Kaneki put the list away after reading the first few names, not wanting to name his daughter Toyotama-hime or after a manga character.

With Touka resting her head on his shoulder, Kaneki tried to brainstorm a good name but he was drawing blanks. His eyes drifted back to his sleeping daughter, noticing for the first time the blanket wrapped around her “the hospital has some really nice blankets, don’t they?”

“Oh this isn’t from the hospital, Yomo gave me this. He embroidered that flower on top himself, with Uta’s help of course”. As he felt the intricate design on the blanket, Kaneki couldn’t help but feel his heart swell a little at the thought of all those people in his life that loved him and his family, those people who willingly intertwined their lives with his and allowed him to be part of theirs. It’s been months but he still wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to the feeling.

“It made me really happy” Touka suddenly spoke up after a long period of silence, her voice a little somber “back when we first moved underground, I was really afraid we would spend the rest of our lives there, if we managed to live long enough. I never liked that place when I was little and I really dreaded the idea of us dying in a place with no sunlight.”

She had never spoken so candidly about that before, and Kaneki’s heart ached a little at the memory of all they went through during that period.

“But I prayed back then that we would get a sign, even if it’s one flower blooming through a crack” she looked up at him again, eyes filled with tears and a small smile on her face “I didn’t think my prayers would be heard but they were, I got my flower when I found out I was carrying our daughter, and I just knew things would turn around, I would make them turn around myself if I had to” they both chuckled through tears as Kaneki brought her head to his lip and kissed it over and over again.

Kaneki felt his mind clear for a moment and as if it was lurking there all along, he finally thought of the right name.

“How about Ichika?”

“Huh?”

“For a name, how about Ichika?”

One flower.

“Ichika” Touka whispered the name then repeated it, a little louder each time, her face brightening up as if she had finally found what she was looking for, “Ichika, do you like that name?” The little girl in her arms suddenly sneezed and woke herself up. She looked up at her parents with big curious eyes and a little smiled formed on her lips.

“I think she likes it.”

“Kaneki Ichika, has a nice ring to it” Kaneki felt a strange sense of pride at his name being carried by the symbol of hope to Touka and himself.

“And it’s really useful for keeping track of the kids in the future” Touka joked, gently elbowing Kaneki in the ribs.

“You want another baby already! Aren’t you tired?!”

“Not right now! Maybe in a few years. I want us to take our time getting to know little Ichika first”

Ichika made an incomprehensible baby sound that her parents interpreted as agreement.

Overjoyed with the prospect of raising a small child in a world that will be much kinder to her than it was to them when they were little. Kaneki and Touka couldn’t wait to build their life with the new addition to their family.

Their story had just begun.

[elizabeatrice]

Episode 12 - The Little Mermaid

Let’s Talk About JSHK Anime #3

Warning: Manga spoilers for The Little Mermaid arc, The Clock Keeper arc, and chapter 64!!! (just a bit, skip point no. 5, 6, and 10 if you don’t want to get spoiled) Also … this ended up way longer than I intended.

Well that was one heck of a feels trip. It’s probably my new favorite episode, just because everyone is here being wholesome lmao.

This is mostly hananene meta I ain’t even gonna lie.

Before we begin, shout out to Black Canyon, our newest anime cutie pie. Just look at him, folks. Just chilling with his sunflower seed.

He has no idea the kind of life his owner leads.

I said before that the best part of episode 12 is how it made Daydream worse, so now I’m gonna ramble about it.

“Maybe different species can’t understand each other after all.”

“Maybe it would be better if I were an apparition too.”

This is my favorite part of the episode. And no, not in the sense that I want Nene to die just so that she and Hanako can be together. But because of how Lerche actually explored deeper what was said only once in the manga.

Well, both in the manga and anime Nene ended up accepting the mermaid’s blood because of her desire to be popular, but the anime decided to revisit what she said earlier in the episode.

Not only did that make her decision kinda less selfish, it’s also just … sad. Thinking that your friend, someone you really cared about, doesn’t trust you enough to tell you things about themselves, to the point where you’re willing to go to such lengths as turning into an apparition just to understand them.

And if you think about it, isn’t this part of her true wish? To have her feelings be reciprocated? Man I just realized that as I wrote this and I am mindblown.

She thought she finally got her wish with Hanako. I mean, he said it himself in the first ep (”You wanted someone, anyone, to return your feelings, right? And as far as you’re concerned, sharing a bond with someone is the same thing, right?”). So it must’ve hit her really hard when she thought he didn’t trust her. Especially with all the wrong ideas the fishes were feeding her mind.

Then we got this little flashback. At first I was like, “Girl, you really be thinking that he doesn’t care about you while recalling the moment he apologized to you and hugged you? Are you insane?”

But after some thinking of my own, it occurred to me. Maybe she was too used to having her feelings not reciprocated, she couldn’t believe it when someone finally did. Not to mention Hanako did kinda trick her with his fake confession a while back (heh, he’s not the only one with trust issues, eh?). And that just made the entire thing even sadder.

So when Nene said, “But I thought, if I were an apparition like you, I could get closer to you. Then, maybe I’d be able to understand you, Hanako-kun. Although I know I probably don’t mean anything to you.”

That was a harsh wake up call for Hanako.

(Btw even more full circle, Hanako brought up Nene’s wish to become human again in the first episode. Nice.)

So. We got one daikon girl who’s afraid of not having her feelings reciprocated, and one ghost boy who’s afraid that daikon girl wouldn’t be his friend anymore if she knew about his past.

While in actuality, said daikon girl already decided she wanted to and would be his friend no matter what, and ghost boy had grown to care about her more than he thought he would.

He heard what she said to Tsuchigomori. He knew all about regret, too.  I mean, honestly, I think if she had said no, he’d let her walk away right then and there, no questions asked. But she didn’t.

Nene’s wish finally came true here. And the best part? It wasn’t the work of magic or curses. Just Hanako finally shoving his fear aside, offering himself as he was, and letting her decide.

And she still chose to be with him.

Heh. Lemme just. Sob for a bit.

Is my hananene trash brain reading too much into this? Idk. Maybe.

So props to the production team for managing to add even more weight to this arc. Which, they had to, since it’s the season finale and all. But I love what they did!

Onto my commentaries!

1. The KouNene

Good shit. She was worried about him but he didn’t want her to worry so he just smiled it off? These two are precious. Thought they were gonna interact. Sadly not. Buuuut! (see point 12)

2. Hanako’s classroom visit

He. Is. So. Adorable. Someone please take his babey license away he’s too dangerous.

Hanako’s classroom visit is like my absolute favorite clingy Hanako moment, so I’m really happy I get to see it this season. Ugh. My kokoro. Hugging her from behind, that semi confession vibe … Smooth mf.

The Mokke brushing Nene’s hair!!! The radish hairdo tho lmao.

On a sidenote, as a history nerd I appreciate that they’re actually putting lessons in the background. And the teacher talked about Apollo 11 again??? While my boy was in the room? That ish both hurt and pleased me.

3. The Clock Keeper rumor drop

Heeeeeehhhhh? What’s thiiiiiissss?

4. This freaking thing

*flips table* Darn production team been knew I’m hananene trash how dare they do this to me.

And lookie here there’s Kodama chilling.

5. Fishies! (!!!manga spoiler for The Little Mermaid arc!!!)

Pufferfish didn’t die. Well, good for him. Also I can’t believe they just call the other fish ‘yeah yeah’ lmao what the freak. Has it always been like that in the manga?

6. AOI AND AKANE (!!!spoilers for chapter 64!!!)

I swear I did not intend this numbering coincidence.

*claps* Boi. Nene asking Aoi about cutting ties with someone she’s interested in? And then Akane just swooped in and say he’d rather cut his head off than cut ties with Aoi? What about getting impaled, huh, boy? Would that do?

The not-so-subtle call out to these two pairs’ parallel? BOI.

7. Nene and Yako

These two just chilling together having girl talk, and Yako let Nene pet her? That’s some adorable shit right there. Admit it Yako you like her.

Yako also be really hitting home with what she said. It was extra heavy coming from her, considering what happened to her and Misaki. Boiiiiii.

8. Tsuchigomori

Oh my God, his laughter. Just … oh my God.

Tsuchigomori in dad mode is always one of the highlights of the episode/chapter.

By the way, in this scene according to the sub, Nene asked Tsuchigomori who Tsukasa is. But she knew who he is already. Is it possible that the sub misinterpreted it? ‘Cause I think what she actually meant was, “What happened to him and Tsukasa-kun in the past?”

If someone who speaks Japanese could share their wisdom, please do!

9. The 5 pm bell and twilight

Look how pretty they are!!!

Lo and behold, another important hananene interaction while the 5 pm bell plays in the background. Also, twilight? Y’all giving me Kimi no Na wa flashbacks.

“Twilight, when it’s neither day or night. When the world blurs and one might encounter something not human.”

Huh … kinda fits the ‘boundary’ concept but it still hurt.

Anyway they still had Hanako tell her what she already knew. And I did say in my ‘Walking Blind’ post that it’d be redundant. But since the episode kinda emphasized Nene’s desire to understand Hanako, having him actually tell her himself, even though she already knew it, was a big deal. It’s not about what she knows, it’s about him opening up to her. So I’m super cool with it.

10. The Broadcasting Club (!!!spoilers for The Clock Keeper arc!!!)

I love how Natsuhiko and Sakura are actually decent people. When he told Mitsuba that he was free to choose to stay with them or not? That’s solid, man. Though, of course, Tsukasa might not be as kind.

Speaking of, I know it couldn’t be anything else, but I’m still not sure if Tsukasa’s drawing was confirmation for season 2. Don’t wanna get my hopes up. Imma just enjoy what I currently have.

Kinda curious, though. Because Clock Keeper wasn’t Tsukasa’s doing. Maybe he was the one who released Mirai? But tbh I’d prefer if it wasn’t so. Because having more cases of supernaturals going loco without it being one of Tsukasa’s games is interesting, and kinda underlines the need of The Seven Wonders to keep supernaturals in check.

11. Kodama just chilling

12. The Adventures of Minamoto and the Summer Vegetables

You go, Kou! I’m rooting for you oh my God you’re so precious.

And look at that ikemen smile! Him supporting Kou is just top notch sweet y’all I can’t-

Ngl this was the biggest surprise of the episode. Teru finding out that summer vegetables = Nene? Broooooo. Interesting. I don’t think this little addition warrants any changes to their future interaction, so it should be safe. Clever replacement, too, those veggies.

It’s so sweet that Nene delivered those veggies to Kou! Just imagine the Minamoto family having veggies for dinner. Awww.

(Also, Nene wrote her name in hiragana instead of kanji. Is that a reference to how bad Kou is with kanji? Lol, so sweet)

13. The Coda!!!

Look at him. Just look at him. Look how lovesick he is y’all I can’t-

THEY’RE SO ADORABLE.

All in all, I love this episode. Sorry for how long this post is. I’m just dealing with so many feels right now. Gaaahhhhh.

[dnarez]

Chapter 4 - The Book

Keigo woke up with the sun on his face, as he looked at the other side of the bed he noticed that (Y/n) wasn't on the bed anymore.

He sat up, now with the daylight coming in through the windows he could see how comfortable the small house really was, even if it wasn't so clean.

(this one was the closest from what I was imagining)

When he was about to get up the front door opened, and he smiled brightly when he saw his caretaker, but also his nee-san.

She looked at him and smiled back while coming closer. "Good morning baby bird, would you like some breakfast?"

Keigo eagerly nodded and raised his hands for her to pic him up.

She chuckled at his child action, since he was so serious when they arrived.

(Y/n) was happy that he was warming up to her so fast.

'He must have been starved for affection' she picked him up and went out of her small house. "Since you are okay with everything, but malnutrition, you can start your classes today, we will begin with the basics, how old are you baby bird? "

Keigo blushed at the new nickname "I am 5 years old"

"Do you know how to write or how to read?" (Y/n) set him down on the balcony, so she could cook without a problem.

"I kinda know how to read, but I don't know how to write"

"No can do baby bird! You need to be smart to be a hero, but don't worry, we have a long way to go"

He nodded and watches as she makes some pancakes and some waffles.

"Your mother went out to buy clothing, so it will be just the two of us"

Keigo nodded again.

"Since you have eaten so little food I decided that you now have to discover what you wanna eat, okay?"

"Okay!"

Y/n puts two plates in front of him. "This here are pancakes, they are really soft and fluffy" she points at the plate with pancakes "and those are waffles! Crispy and soft inside, both go well with jam, honey and fruits, you can pick one of them, and we go eat at the dinner table"

Keigo nods and thinks hard about which one he wants "c-can I have both?" He looked at her hopeful

"Of course! But that's too much food for you, would you be okay with sharing with me?" She takes the two plates and put them on the table.

"Yeah! No problem" He got on the chair in front of the plate and watched her putting half of the waffle with half of the pancakes.

"Tell me which one do you prefer, okay?" Y/n sat beside him and ate her food.

But when Keigo took a first bite of his the pancakes he was mesmerized, she chuckled at his reaction and keep watching him.

He then tried the waffles and nodded with a smile, Keigo points at the waffles and says "I like this one better!"

"Oh! Okay, from now on you can choose what you want for breakfast, but only for a bit, since you are anorexic, but when you get better you will start a healthy diet, but don't worry, everything will be super tasty" Y/n smiled and petted his hair

He nodded and got back to eating.

After they ate and cleaned the kitchen Y/n gave him on some new clothes, which he put it on, now they were ready to start studying.

On the same office Keigo had found the day before was the place where he would learn more.

"Please sit down, we will start with the basic" Y/n gave him a note book, a pencil, a sharpener and an eraser.

He sat down and took the pencil in hand.

After going through her clothes she put a children's book on his table.

"First we will do some reading since you already know how to do it, then we will do the ABC"

(I know it's kanji, katakana and hiragana for Japan, but since I don't know he will be learning English as his main language)

"Now, please read the story to me" she sat down on the floor next to his chair.

Keigo nodded and started reading "Once u-upon a t-t-t-..."

(if it's like this  then it's the story they are reading.)

"time" she whispered to him

"Once upon a time! There. was. a. p-p-poor. girl" The image showed a girl with a dead body covered by a sheet and a small flower on top of it, besides her. "She. was. so. p-p-p-poor. that. she. co-coul-could-...."

"couldn't"

"couldn't. afford. her. mother's. fu-fu-fu.ne.ral, nee-chan what's a fu.ne.ral?"

"It's a ceremony that we do to mourn the loved ones that died. You are doing a good job" she pets him "keep going"

"H-her. mo-ther's. bo-dy. rot-ted. besss... besiiiiii- be-si-de. her, what is rotted?"

"You know when you eat an apple and after some time it gets all brown and icky?"

He nodded.

"What is happening to the apple, is that she is rotting, everything that is alive rotten when dead, you can take a break now, I will read it to you, here have some water" she took the book and gave him water bottled.

Keigo got down from the chair and sat on her lap, drinking the clear water happily.

"With only rain water to drink, it was hard to know when she was going to drink clean water again, the food that her mother had left on the fridge before dying was rotten, and even so, since she was hungry and had no other option, she ate it, even if the little girl knew that she would get sick, because even if she was sick, she still had a life to live, even if it wasn't a healthy life"

"Oh no! I never had to eat rotten stuff... she needs a hero!"

Y/n chuckled and nodded "Let's see what else happens"

"After all the food was gone, and her mother's body was stinking so bad that she gagged even staying inside the house, the little girl decided to no longer live there, she knew that outside wasn't as good as the inside, but at least she wouldn't be besides her rotten mother."

"Me and mom had to live in the streets too... I hope that someone helps her like they did to us..."

"You got this chance on your on Keigo, you made the commission look your way, you deserve being taken care of, and you deserve having a chance to become a hero. They didn't take in a random kid, they took in Takami Keigo, a future pro hero, this wasn't charity, you did this on your own"

He looked at her and looked back at the book thinking, but nodded showing that he understood.

"The nameless girl sat on the floor and waited for anyone to throughout any kind of food, passing day and night going through a lot of trashcans until a teen took notice of the small kid on the alleyway when he was walking home, the boy had shoulder length black hair, and black eyes, getting closer to the small girl he kneeled in front of her.

The nameless girl took a few steps back, afraid of being yelled at or punched again.

"Hi" said the boy, but the girl didn't answer, she was ready to run away at any second. "You look hungry, would you like some food?" the girl was famished, she hadn't found anything big to eat in 2 weeks, only eating small bits of what she found."

"He looks evil!" Keigo looked at the drawing of the teen.

She chuckled at that "He does, doesn't he?" Y/n smiled fondly at the drawing "but not everyone that look scary is evil"

"Like Endevour?"

She nodded "like Endevour, now back to the story"

"She knew not to trust strangers, so she keeps herself away from him, but nodded indicating that she indeed was hungry.

"Here, it's not much, but I think you will like it" the teen wanted to give her a curry bun, but she refused to get close to him, he sighed and put the wrapped bun on the floor "I have to go, but I hope to see you tomorrow" the black haired boy got up and went outside the alleyway not looking back.

When his steps couldn't be heard the girl got close to the bun, she cried while eating it, it was delicious."

Y/n closed the book "Now we will practice some writing"

"But we didn't finish it! I want to know if they are going to see each other again!" Keigo whined trying to convince her to keep reading.

"Since you only read a little I only read a little, when you can read better we will read more of it.

He sighed defeated, knowing that he couldn't change her opinion, but it only made him more determinated to be better at reading, to be able to read more, and know what happens to the nameless girl.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.....................................................................

Yoh, hope you are enjoying it  <3

[klvbxlove]

finally (chie x american! gn! reader)

a/n: i’ve got another persona 4 drabble. this time it’s dedicated to another cousin of mine, matt. i hope you like this, i lowkey had fun writing it! i think it’s now the longest drabble i’ve written so far (it has, i think, 400 more words than my yosuke one, damn). i do plan on writing a rise drabble for my other cousin, chuck, soon, but i also kinda wanna write a kanji drabble. idk which one to start off with, so i’ll see what my mind decides. but anyways, enjoy this drabble! :)

reader type: gender neutral

reader specification(s): reader is from america and is also a bit flirty LOL

genre(s): fluff, romance

trigger warning(s): none

summary: as much as chie loved being with you, she was saddened by the fact that you lived in america, which is far away from japan. however, one day you give her a surprise, one that she wasn’t expecting at ALL

word count: 2.9k words

♡ ♡ ♡ (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) ♡ ♡ ♡

key:

(e/c) = eye color (f/a) = favorite anime (f/c) = favorite color (n/n) = nickname (y/n) = your name

♡ ♡ ♡ (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) ♡ ♡ ♡

   It started with Chie meeting you online after finding out you were a fan of (F/A), an anime series she had recently started watching. Having been in love with it for years, you were glad to find someone else (regardless of whether you met them online or in real life) who also loved it as much. 

   Then it slowly progressed into the both of you talking about everything besides (F/A) almost constantly. Every day, whenever you woke up, whenever you were waiting for school to start, whenever you were about to go to bed. Hell, even when you were out with your friends, the both of you found ways to text each other! Also, both of you may or may not have stayed up on school nights to continue the conversations.

   Conflicted feelings eventually showed up at the front door months later, when the both of you realized you had crushes on each other but had no idea how to bring it up. Neither of you originally wanted to confess in fear that you would be rejected, and the friendship would end up tensing up (cliché, I know). But ultimately, the two of you got over that fear and eventually ended up in a relationship.

   And that is where the two of you are at now.

   Now, here was the thing. It was not as if there were any major problems throughout your and Chie’s relationship. It was quite healthy, to say the least! 

   So what was wrong?

   Chie lived in Japan, and you lived in America. 

   Those were different countries and two different continents. 

   Even before entering a relationship, the two of you initially had some difficulty having the time to chat with each other due to the huge time zones. It was especially hard since both of you were high school students who had to focus on their education. Although like troopers, the both of you managed to deal with the time difference and found time to talk. 

   And of course, Chie could not forget to mention this was not only her first relationship but her first long-distance relationship. It sucked not being able to see you every day (not including face-time calls. Sure, she has seen your face, but not in real life). Chie was not one to constantly watch couples. However, when she did, she could not help the slight jealousy in her eyes. She had no idea if she would ever get the chance to get a ticket to America or vice-versa. 

   All Chie could do, whenever she missed you badly, was to sulk. There was no other way to do it. Was it healthy? Probably not. How was she supposed to help herself? But then again, it was not her fault she had been raised in Japan her entire life. Same as you, you have been in America for a while now. And the both of you certainly could not help the fact that you were miles away from each other. 

   Of course, that was not enough to stop Chie from being sad about it from time to time. She had a feeling she would not see you anytime soon.

-

   The short brown-haired female found herself sitting alone on the bench, scrolling through her phone. Out of everyone in the Investigation Team, Chie was the only one who did not feel like going to the restroom. So she insisted on waiting for them outside. Although, that was not the only reason. She did not want any of them catching her reading her text messages with you and questioning why she was smiling. 

   But then Chie remembered one time Yosuke had caught her doing that. Yeah, he was the first (and unfortunate) person. As he had continued to tease her, she eventually got irritated and took out that irritation by kicking Yosuke right in his scrotum area. (**)

   Oh God, she just had to bite the inside of her cheek. She was already seeing him riving in pain on the ground as he held the affected area and the rest of their friend group looked on in either confusion or concern. Hmph, served him right!

   Scrolling up towards the older texts, Chie was reading a conversation she had with you. It was about how you wanted to visit her in Inaba and explore the town. 

   Chie: I mean, of course, I’m down to you coming here and meeting me. But let me warn you, Inaba is a bit boring. I don’t think you could even compare it to other places like Tokyo or Osaka.

   (Y/N): Babe, I don’t mind at all! And besides, you know I’m willing to visit any part of Japan, not just Tokyo. I’m like head over heels with Japan at this point BWAHAHAHA

   Chie: I think everyone knows. But knowing you, I think you would especially want to go to Akihabara.

   (Y/N): Hey, stop calling me out!

   Chie: You know it’s true (N/N). Eh, not that I blame you. They got cool stuff there. It would be nice to visit sometime.

   (Y/N): For sure! We should go together, too ;)

   Jeez, even reading old texts you sent Chie always managed to make her blush! Although they were not the only reasons for her blushing, besides your flirtatious remarks. On a few occasions, you would poke fun at her (Not in a way to make her upset, of course). You were lucky that Chie considered you more tolerable compared to Yosuke. 

   She could already imagine herself not bothered by you teasing her about something like how Yosuke did. And when Yosuke would see, he would ask, “Oh, so (Y/N) can tease you, but I can’t?! WHERE’S THE LOGIC IN THAT, CHIE?!”

   Oh, wait. Chie looked up. Now that she realized, she had not told anyone in the Investigation Team about her relationship with you. No, it was not because she was ashamed. Well, it was more of the fact that she did not have a logical explanation. 

   Was it because she could not find the time to tell everyone? Maybe.  

   Or was it because she knew that some of them might not even believe her? 

   Looking up from her phone, the brown-haired girl saw everyone else heading in her direction. As she stood up, placed her phone in the back pocket of her shirts, and followed the rest of the team, she thought, ‘There will be a day where I can introduce (Y/N) to everyone. One day. And I’ll be sure to do it!’

-

   INCOMING CALL: (Y/N)

   Chie immediately sat up from her bed at the sudden sound ringing. Her first instincts were to assume someone had broken into her room. However, those instincts vanished when she looked over at her nightstand and saw that it was her phone making that sound. When Chie looked at the screen, her eyes lightened in excitement upon seeing what it read. 

   “(Y/N)!” She said after picking up the phone.

   “Hey, Chie,” you answered over the line. Said girl could never get tired of hearing your voice. “How’s my favorite girl doing?”

   Chie could feel the blood rushing towards her cheeks again. You were not one to call her many pet names. But when it comes to you referring to her as “your girl”? Do you even realize the effect you have on her?! She was lucky she was not like this when she was sneakily texting you next to the Investigation Team! 

   “I--” she cleared her throat, “--I’m good, thanks!” 

   You chuckled over the phone. “You know, for a sec it sounded like you were getting flustered again. Don’t hide it, Chie. I know you sometimes clear your throat when I see those cute cheeks turn pink!”

   “H-Hey, shut up!” Chie retorted. If this was an anime, she was sure she would have had a tick mark above her head. “Why do you always tease me whenever I blush? I don’t get it, (Y/N),” 

   “It’s ‘cause you’re so cute, baby.”

   ‘STOP. OH MY GOD, PLEASE!’

   It wasn’t exactly helping that Chie had made some weird sound at what you had said. And it wasn’t any better by the fact that she heard you snickering. “Jeez, if you were an anime character, even though you don’t act like one, you would surely be a tsundere!” 

   “(Y/N),” Chie gritted her teeth. To hide her flustered form, she acted as if she was angry. “I swear to God I will...get back for you one day.”

   “Get back? Hmm? If I didn’t know any better, I thought you were going to say, ‘I will kick your ass.’ Is my girl getting too flustered now? How cute.”

   “Grrr, (Y/N)...” Damn it, Chie wanted to fight back against you. Sometimes (or more like, a majority of the time), you were way TOO MUCH to handle! You knew how to get her going, that was for sure. 

   “Alright, enough about that,” you spoke up, the teasing tone in your voice already gone. “I wanted to call you ‘cause I got a surprise!”

   At that, Chie’s eyes lit up in slight interest. “A surprise?”

   “Yep! I’ve been planning it for a few months so I can get it right. And now I think it’s the perfect opportunity to give it to you!”

   The surprise was more intriguing than learning about a new steak meal at Junes and practically drooling over how it would taste. Chie could not hold back her excitement anymore. “What is it, (Y/N)?!”

   “Ah, ah, ah! I can’t tell you what it is. You’ll have to find out for yourself, babe.” you snickered. 

   “Oh, come on!” Chie grumbled. “You know I can’t do that. You’ve gotta at least give me a hint! Just one hint! 

   “Well, how about this,” you suggested. “Just open your front door, and you’ll see it right then and there.”

   Okay, that was a bit suspicious. Chie raised her eyebrow. It was not as if she had little to no faith in you when it came to surprises. Coming outside to the front door, though? Just what were you planning? “Are you sure?” she asked. “You’re kinda weirding me out,” 

   “Just trust me on this!” you said. “I’m not trying to do anything creepy, I promise. Come on, Chie. Just open your front door.” 

   “Fine,” the short brown-haired female gave in, sitting up from her bed and exciting her bedroom. Maybe Chie was feeling a bit too doubtful about this. For all she knew, you must have sent her something like an anime figurine of her favorite character. Or even better, maybe you ordered her some food and had it sent to her front door! 

   “Okay, I’m at the front door,” Chie spoke over the phone as soon as she arrived. With her free hand, she unlocked the handle before fully opening it.

   And what did she see? Just someone wearing a (F/C) shirt (Chie was sure that was your favorite) and carrying a backpack. In one of their hands was a suitcase, and they had a smile on their face. 

   Chie was extremely confused. Did she invite someone to come over to her house for a sleepover? She did not remember, nor did she think she ever did. She highly doubted that this was the surprise you were mentioning. 

   A few seconds of silence passed before the person snickered. “What’s with the confused look?” they asked. Their voice sounded so familiar, but who was it? “Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you don’t recognize your s/o! You’re breaking my heart over here, Chie!”

   Wait a minute.

   Wait a Goddamn minute.

   That voice. 

   That familiar smile.

   Her eyes widened.

   There was no way. Was this real? Was she dreaming? If so, someone needs to knock her out right now! 

   And she meant RIGHT NOW!

   Chie almost dropped her phone on the floor. “(Y-Y/N)?” she spoke up. 

   Their smile-- no, your smile grew a bit. “Yep, that’s me!” you nodded. “Live in the flesh, and not just some photo on a screen.” 

   ‘So it was you, holy shit!’ 

   Chie could not believe it. Her mind was feeling so many things. One part of her accepted the fact that this was real. But the other part of her was in disbelief. Chie had no idea what to do at this point. Besides, she already knew she must have looked foolish right now, and you were there to see it in real life. 

   And then the tears came. 

   Chie could no longer control herself. She practically jumped out towards you and wrapped her arms around you. She almost knocked you to the ground, but luckily you only stumbled backward a bit before balancing yourself. “Y-You finally came!” she sobbed into your chest. “You’re real! You’re right here, oh my God! I-I’m not dreaming, right?! Please tell me I’m not!!”

   Meanwhile, your heart felt like it was being pulled on tug strings watching your girlfriend cry out of happiness. You wrapped your arms around her waist to complete the hug and rubbed her back soothingly. “You’re not dreaming, darling,” you reassured Chie, “I’m right here. After many, many months, I’m right here.”

   Chie pulled away for a bit, wiping her tears with the sleeves of her sweater before looking up at you with a tear-stained smile. “I never thought the day would come when I get to see you right in front of me,” she said, “I thought it wouldn’t even be possible, either! You’re here, at my house. Speaking of which--” 

   Then the realization hit her, “--How did you even get my address? Because I don’t think I ever gave it to you after months of knowing you.” 

   “Well,” you scratched the back of your head sheepishly. You were somewhat scared that Chie was going to question it, but now she did. 

   “Please don’t kill me when I say this. But I talked to one of your friends, Yosuke, and I told him about my relationship with you. After a while, I tried to bring up the suggestion of wanting to visit you after I realized I have a chance of going to Japan. Then he gave me your address, and I kept it. Then as soon as I arrived in Inaba, I went to your house. I know that sounds so creepy. I’m sorry!”

   Chie would have kicked Yosuke’s ass (literally) if he ever did something like that. She would never approve of him giving any stranger her address, especially without her permission. And she would have kicked your ass for coming to her house as well. Chie would want you to consider yourself lucky since she understood where her friend was coming from, so there was no anger in her body. 

   Oh yeah, and it seems like Yosuke already knows about you and Chie. He better not have told anyone else on the Investigation Team. She was planning to do it very soon.

   “Don’t worry, I get it,” she said. “If getting my address from one of my friends meant that you got to see me, then I don’t mind at all!” 

   You were expecting Chie to yell at you about how creepy that was. After being shocked at her calm reaction for a while, the feeling disappeared, and you smiled, patting her head. “Thanks, babe. I appreciate it.

   “Oh, and by the way,” Chie spoke up. “Now that you’re here and not just on a screen, I’d like to do one thing with you. 

   Puzzled, you tilted your head. “What is it?”

   A smirk appeared on her face. “I want to kiss you!”

   Your eyes widened a bit. Now it was your turn to feel flustered (you could already feel it in your cheeks). You were not opposed to the matter, as you could understand why Chie would want to do it. You had no idea why you were feeling nervous in the first place. You cleared your throat. “Well, alright. I don’t mind,” you smiled. 

   “Oh wow, you’re getting flustered now, aren’t you? I guess this is karma for all the times you’ve made me flustered.” Chie snickered. 

   You sighed. Somehow you had a feeling that your girlfriend would say something like that. But you decided to brush that aside for now.

   Rewrapping your arms around her waist, you slowly inched towards her face. Both of your eyes closed at the same time as she placed her hands on your shoulders. It almost felt like an eternity for the moment to finally happen. 

   And then, the moment happened. Your lips connected into a kiss. 

   You instantly realized how soft her lips were, and you had to admit it felt amazing. You almost considered not pulling away for a while. Both of you did not want this to escalate into some steamy make out session, so you kept it slow. But there was a feeling of love and passion in it. You could feel the bliss coming into the atmosphere. 

   Seconds passed, and both you and Chie pulled away. You smiled. “God, do you know how long I wanted to do that?” you asked softly, caressing her cheek. 

   “I could ask you the same thing, (Y/N),” Chie answered. “I waited for so long, and I thought it would never happen in a few years. But now it has, and I’m so happy.” She rested her head against your chest to feel your heartbeat. “Thank you. Thank you for coming here,” 

   “Of course, Chie,” you whispered, running your fingers through her hair.

   At this point, you would have asked if Chie would let you inside her house. But you did not care about that right now. All you were thinking of was hugging Chie and never letting go. You were almost tearing up just thinking of the fact that you had been in a relationship with Chie over a long distance for months. It had been months where you two could not even have your first kiss or any affection. 

   And here you are now. Hey, you (unfortunately) might not be in Japan for too long, but it was better than not visiting at all. As long as you were able to spend every single second with your girlfriend, you were as happy as they could be.

-

(**) lowkey feel bad about hurting yosuke like this, but i felt like i just had to LMAO 

[montosmadman]

I was tagged by @soy-celeste ages ago. This was hard but also super rewarding because I really got to take a deep dive in the murky depths of my own music library. Thanks for thinking of me, Cata💕

Task: choose TEN SONGS that describe your personal aesthetic / how you see yourself. Bonus points if you write a little explanation for each song, that‘s not a must though.

List under a read more because it turned out really long and includes some very personal and possibly triggering mental health stuff.

I'm tagging @capitanogiorgio @hendos @furiousflamewolf @checoswin and @diegoalvesisgod

1. Nakashima Mika - 僕が死のうと思ったのは

The title loosely translates to "The reason I thought I'd die" or "The time I thought I'd die". Yes, I went there right off the bat.

Let's get something straight: I'm not suicidal. I have never been actively suicidal, despite struggling with depression and anxiety most of my teenage/adult life. However, what this song captures for me is the feeling when you're not actively thinking about killing yourself, but you do have this empty feeling when you think there's no point for you being alive. And that's something I'm very familiar with.

There are a couple lines I wanna highlight, even though the whole song hits me very hard whenever I listen to it:

その木漏れ日でうたた寝したら、虫の死骸と土になれるかな

If I lie down beneath the sunlight streaming through the trees, will I become like the dirt and insect remains?

あなたのような人が生きてる世界に少し期待するよ

If people like you are living in this world, then maybe it’s alright to hope a little too.

The first line does what I talked about to above: it's the feeling when you just lie down and wonder if anything would change if you just disappeared. The second line -- last one of the song -- has more hope. It's when you find a reason to believe in the future and realize there is still a reason to live. Personally, I'm trying to hang very hard on that last thought even when the world seems to be against me.

(Full translation in a pinned comment under the Youtube video)

2. The Ark - Little Dysfunk You

No essay here. I just needed to have The Ark on the list because they're the official soundtrack of my life, the first band whose album I bought myself, and who taught me it was okay not to fit in. I even have a tattoo that says "a little dysfunk" because my best friend and I have been relating to this song long before either one of us realized we weren't neurotypical. It's the very dysfunctional ode to our friendship, and I love it.

3. Elton John - Rocket Man

I feel like this might be a universal experience growing up neurodiverse and/or an outsider. You spend years feeling like you're alone in space, on another planet, and you want to connect with people but at the same time know that once you come back, you still won't be the person others want or expect you to be. The challenge is to accept that and realize it's okay and you don't need to change yourself for others. And it really is hard when you're raised in a society where the odds are stacked against you.

4. Sanni - Jos mä oon oikee

Look, I'm giving you something in Finnish too!

Sanni is one of the Finnish artists whose breakthrough I originally missed because I was living abroad. I only properly discovered her a couple years after moving back, when I was driving a lot for my work and hence listening to the radio much more than I used to. Her songs just kept standing out from the rest: her lyrics had this amazing depth even when she was singing about mundane stuff -- like, she was finding these painful truths I hadn't ever spoken but felt very clearly.

That said, I had to choose the one song that's actually very upfront with this idea of being an outsider and not feeling like a part of this world. The title translates to "If I am real" and that pretty much sums it up. It's a song about feeling lonely in the middle of a crowded room, feeling like no one sees you or cares what you do. I personally have this habit of taking a step back and observing people rather than getting involved -- and even when I do, it rarely feels like it's really me out there, because I'm so used to masking and acting like everyone else just to fit in, you know?

I'll finish this off with my favourite verse, translated by yours truly. The last line especially hits home super hard no matter how many times I hear it.

Rautatieasema maanantaina ruuhkaisa Kaikilla tuntuu olevan kiire ja suunta Mä oon ulkopuolella vaik seison sisällä Jos oon jo kotona miten voi olla koti-ikävä

The railway station on Monday is crowded Everyone seems to be in a rush and have a direction I'm outside even though I'm standing inside How can I feel homesick when I'm already home

5. Shobha - Last Exit To Freedom

Full disclosure: Degrassi has been one of my comfort series for many, many years. When this song was first introduced in Next Class, it hit me really hard because it was woven into this whole storyline about depression and suicide, which at the time spoke to me a lot. I repeat, I have never been suicidal, but I do get the headspace that could drive people into it.

However, listening to it again now, it's mostly the message of hope that shines through to me. It's a song that can take two very different readings depending on what your own baggage is. And the series actually acknowledges that later on, which I think is not only beautiful but also extremely important.

There's empty places in my life and I need to breathe There's empty spaces on the map waiting there for me

I've never felt more free than when I actually drop my responsibilities and just go where I want to go. I need that space to breathe, and that's why it has always been such a relief when I could just pack up and start over in a new place. Some might call it running away from my troubles -- and they wouldn't be completely wrong -- but that doesn't change the fact that I've always valued my own freedom above any arbitrary societal norms.

6. Scandinavian Music Group - Näin minä vihellän matkallani

SMG is another one of those bands I grew up on and have seen live several times, so they needed to be here. This song is more on the "aesthetic" end of scale than how I see myself. In fact, I've many times hoped I could be like the narrator of this song. I'll give you a couple of verses to explain:

Kun minulta viedään kaikki Autan kantamaan Ja kun lopulta kaadun Teen sen näyttävästi

When everything's taken from me I'll help them carry it And when I finally fall I'll do it with a flair

Minä vihellän matkallani Näin minä vihellän matkallani Jos sen on oltava niin Olkoon sitten niin

I'm whistling on my journey See how I'm whistling on my journey If this is how things have to be Then so be it

It's this carefree attitude. Laughing in the face of hardship and controversy. There's another amazing line about getting back to the saddle after you fall and swearing you'd do it all over again. I've never been able to do that, because I carry all my old failures and pains so close to the surface, and could never just shake them off with a shrug, no matter how minor.

But on another level, I keep hearing from people who I thought knew me that I don't seem depressed. And who can blame them: on the outside, it probably looks like I bounce back from hardships really fast, because I'm so used to masking my issues that the moment I'm physically capable of doing it, I will. So you might say this song is a picture of my outer self, though it hardly mirrors what's really going on.

7. Queen - Don't Stop Me Now

I'm a firm believer that if my life was a teen movie, this is the song I'd have playing in the final scene where I'd just go "fuck that" and started dancing with @mirkwoodstock in the middle of the parking lot of something. It's my ultimate party anthem, the one that always has me dancing and singing along no matter where I am.

Back when we were at the university, Nanna and I used to go to this rock'n'roll club in town and they'd always play Don't Stop Me Now close to the end of the night, and it really became our song. Like, no matter how shitty I felt, when it came on, I'd be there, and so would she. And that's why it also deserves to be on the list.

8. Blind Channel - Died Enough For You

Throwing a rare newer song into the mix. The moment I heard this song, I knew I'd be listening to it a lot. There's also an acoustic version if you're not a fan of the genre or if you just wanna have a different perspective. Blind Channel is also representing Finland in Eurovision next week, and I'm living for it.

Advertising aside, Died Enough For You takes me to some really dark times in my life. I've been in relationships, both romantic and not, where I've been carrying the other person and giving so much of myself, risking my own mental health (which was not that good to begin with) and not getting much in return. There comes a point where you have to prioritize yourself and admit that dragging yourself into the same abyss is not going help anyone. Unfortunately, usually it takes more strength to admit that and leave than to stay in the relationship that's hurting you.

I'm still talking to some of these people, but I've learned to give myself a permission to sign off when I notice that by helping them I'm only hurting myself more. Someone else's wellbeing cannot be my responsibility when I'm struggling to keep myself afloat. And I truly hope everyone who is supporting me also knows that.

9. Aqua Timez - 真夜中のオーケストラ

Title translates to "Midnight Orchestra". Yes, it's from Naruto. I discovered it back when I was still more involved in anime fandom stuff, and fell for it again year ago when I binged the anime when to lockdowns started, because I needed an escape.

And what an escape it was. Have you ever heard a song and immediately went "I need a tattoo of this", or is that just me? I'm probably not going to get a tattoo because I don't trust non-Japanese artists to get the kanjis right, but the song still captures something very real about loneliness that's not really visible but still very much there. Like, the moment when you meet a person you can truly relate to and for the first time realize you'd been feeling lonely all that time. That's what this song describes to me.

Below are a few verses towards the end of the song. I've bolded the one that first caught my attention (and which I still have as the title of my Japan sideblog).

真夜中の詩が叫んだ「僕ほんとうは独りが　嫌いだ　大嫌いだ」 独りぼっちで　生きてゆけてしまうなんてこと

The song of midnight cried out "I truly hate being alone more than anything" I hate to go on living completely alone…

幸せなんて　小さなスプーンで掬えるくらいで充分なんだ 分け合える人がいるか　いないかだけ

All I need is being able to scoop happiness with a tiny spoon so long as I have someone to share it with

(Full translation)

真夜中の詩は叫ぶよ「僕ほんとうは　僕ほんとうは　淋しかった」 太陽の眩しさに　かき消されても

The song of midnight cried out "I was truly, truly… lonely" Even if I were to be erased by the sun's radiance

10. Jenni Vartiainen (Apulanta) - Mato

This song, named "Worm", was originally released by Finnish rock band Apulanta in 1997. The lyrics, while they might make sense as individual statements, are basically gibberish when you combine them into one piece and try to understand the meaning. There is none. Anyways, the version I chose is a remake by another artist, first performed on the Finnish version of The Best Singers format. It doesn't make any more sense, I just like it better because Jenni is hot and she made it so much fun.

And the reason it's on this list? Welcome to my brain, folks! Sometimes, especially when I'm overwhelmed by lots of external stimuli, my mind tends to just wander wherever the hell it pleases and make connections even I don't get. It also likes to forget the stuff I said just a second a go, so I can switch subjects on the go without even noticing. It's very soothing to have music that doesn't require me to make those connections when that happens.

And now, I shall close this massive post with the first verse of this masterpiece:

Minä tahdon ulos, tahdon ulos kattilasta Minä tahdon pelastaa vielä sinutkin kiehumasta Minä tahdon lentää ulos vessan ikkunasta Minä tahdon tietää kaiken teidän karkkimaasta

I want out, I want out of this kettle I also want to save you from boiling I want to fly out of the toilet window I want to know everything about your candy land

Stay safe and take care of yourselves my dears💕