#i know 150 is a lot in a few days but literally even just 15 bucks is going to be better than nothing. the overdraft fees are gonna kill me

[babyloniastreasure]

hi i'm $150 short this month

Due to a surprise medical bill I'm $150 in the red so I'm having a chibi sale on vGen & kofi to try and make up anything I can.

▶ Chibis - YCH or Custom Pose / $15

I also have comms open for Cel-shaded, Rendered & Skeb illustrations, as well as sketches & skeb character designs.

For Vtubers & Streamers I have Emotes, Character design/turnarounds, Live2D art, & Rigging services.

(Pictured: Screenshots of my vGen profile page showing all of my available services.)

Commission me on vGen / ko-fi donations

Any boosts & help would be greatly appreciated, I have until November 1st.

0/150

[the-firebird69]

It's a huge number of people watching what's happening here and they noticed that it's not very cold yet even though the ships supposedly came down and that's because they didn't come down yet and they're up there loading still and the crabs only came out a little and they're one foot and a fish came by and ate them all and they're a bunch of them you're a bunch of whining jerks and weasels and boy they're going to get killed and everyone's going to love it. They can't understand it's going to happen for some reason. Now there's a lot going on these warlocks are preparing to mount another attack on the empire and understand who's already pretty much down that stand still has millions of ships about 15 million and that's not bad but they are after them they're all class A and large and they have a lot of his small ones still but 150 million or 200 million and they are going to strike the empire again as if they have something and the empire defeats them so does make any sense and they are going to war with them again today now it seems foolish because it is and their drinks because they are we have a huge number of them slated to go after them tonight and it's the basis they're really at about 3% that's what we said we expect to lose a percentage tonight and they're going to lose more tomorrow and into the weekend they're going to be very weak and it shows they're disgusting they look like they really are they fall down all the time literally they don't have any gumption and they get pushed around and it's going to start happening a lot here it might even be some others in town I mean this is a weird way to treat someone it's the isolated with them and he's calling for more infiltrators it's just really hard and we're doing it so that's what's going on they will probably lose that much and on the islands another percent each island I'm in the KJ was going to be raised within the next few days and I know I'm in line and waiting and I'm starting to get pressure and I suddenly see what you're saying I have no idea that you're pushing for me to do that and say what do you push what are you waiting for is and all this other stuff I'm doing and these idiots keep shouting at me and everyone's like listening do any conversations and idiotic threats and so they said well it waste a lot of time and yes it does.

Going to start plowing through them but there are going to be a lot of changes coming pretty soon and they're changing police Chiefs but it doesn't make a difference yet it will shortly it's gross they're in fight is gross. So the new chief of police in fort Myers says he's going to make their Police department into a dynasty and he means it because he's a complete fool so we're going to tear him apart we're so tired of these idiots but really they're the ones with the Target on their back and they don't know it. Couple other things that are of interest they're picking on our son quite a bit they're telling us most of it and we're going to shut them down and there's no point to seeing it but we can't give it back to our son anymore it's ridiculous he gets pissed off and tells us to do something so we should just do stuff and it's true we should be taking over taking Aries taking houses and apartments one at a time if necessary we got to get going on it. There's another point to this there's a lot of people here who are sick and they're contaminating places and touching things we want them the hell out of here and they should be grabbing them and we're going to suggest it

Thor Freya

Zues Hera

Olympus

[doublesidedgemini]

11/6 - 11/7

It was a good weekend! I was very productive on Saturday, I slept/lounged in bed until 3 pm on Sunday, played with my dog in the park and then rode my horse! I finally took care of my plants and spent time with my leopard gecko before bed. So naturally, I woke up in a very cranky mood and had a tough day at work 😑

Being an adult is such a drag. Sometimes, this shit feels impossible. I actually broke down crying on my horse at the end of the ride for a few minutes because I just felt so. Tired. And I felt like I didn’t know how I could keep doing this. Idk, more after the cut !

tw: ed vent, wiaiad, cal log, restriction, LONGG post lol

11/6

Breakfast: -vegan protein shake, hot cocoa flavor!! — 110 cals

Lunch: -large hot holiday coffee from Dunkin with oat milk, 2 tbsps sugar, and 4 pumps of toasted almond syrup — after reading the whole entire nutrition menu for dunkin + a lot of math, I think this is like 160 cals total; -Hummus toast - 250 cals

Dinner: -5 spears of sautéed asparagus — 50 cals?? (I have no idea if this is accurate lol); -Impossible burger patty — 240 cals; -Mug of vegetable broth — 15 cals

Snacks: -4 pieces of frosted mini wheats — 40 cals; -1 1/2 peppermint sticks — 75 cals; -5 takis — 58 cals

Exercise: Grooming + riding my horse (she was FILTHY so I had to brush her for a long time lol) -537 cals

Total: 461 cals!!!

11/7

Breakfast: -Celsius, dragonfruit lime packet — 10 cals

Lunch: -2 impossible burger patties — 480 cals; -4 sautéed asparagus spears ��� 31 cals??

Dinner: -1/4 cup white rice — 50 cals; -Two bites of beans w/ sautéed kale and tomatoes — 12 cals??; -Lightly salted rice cake — 35 cals; -1 tbsp plant based ranch dip — 35 cals; -5 grape tomatoes — 15 cals?

Snacks: -2 frosted mini wheats — 20 cals; -Roasted seaweed snacks, sesame — 50 cals; -1 tbsp peanut butter — 90 cals; -1 serving of takis — 150 cals; -1 1/3 double stuf Oreos — 93 cals; -1 serving honey roasted peanuts — 170 cals

Exercise: Walked my dog a bunch, did 100 squats spread out during work, might do some sit-ups + leg raises in bed before sleep :) -62 cals

Total: 1,180 cals

So, not great lol. But still under 1,200 which is what MFP’s recommendation is for me to lose weight, so I’m still losing even with this total! And honestly. Fuck it. I needed those two impossible burger patties. I needed the protein. Idk, between breaking down at the barn yesterday and having a bad day at work, I just needed the extra.

That’s what upset me so bad at the barn… I can’t restrict as much as I see other people on here because I literally have to stay awake & alert to take care of my horse. I HAVE to be “with it” to keep both her and myself safe. It’s a 34 minute drive out to the barn, I HAVE to have the energy to drive back and forth. Even though I did eat before I went out yesterday, it wasn’t enough and I was exhausted and we had an okay ride but she was frustrating me and I was yelling and getting frustrated and then I was upset with myself because it’s not her fault I’m not at 100% :(

Idk, I cried a lot when I got off and she let me cry on her, I groomed her up, gave her some treats, and went home. She was fine. I was fine. I felt better today except for being so damn tired all day! I didn’t go out to the barn tonight; I stayed in and washed my hair and shaved and moisturized, so at least I feel good :)

I need the rest and I need the extra energy. I don’t feel great about eating + snacking so much today but I’m okay with it, plus I did really well over the weekend, so. I think for the rest of the week I’m going to taper down my cals and try another fast over the weekend. <3

Now I’m going to read and go to bed :) If you read this whole entire post you are my bestie now. Sorry. Shouldn’t have read this all 🤣

[vtforpedro]

medical/life stuff - TWs in tags

hnnnnn this is long sorry I've got a lot of stuff going on and none of it is good lol beyond getting my third covid dose and flu vaccine, I guess. did those three days ago and only had mild fatigue and arm soreness this go around worried about actually getting covid from the pharmacy tho cause they didn't require masks and it was really busy hahahaha and so many people were coughing and sneezing and no one was social distancing hahahaha I am always scared of going anywhere, even to see my PCP, because of covid. it's my life now and has been since covid got to the US. I've only been this scared after going to the ER, truly hope I don't get sick. but looking forward to another year of fear either way anyway. have some abdominal stuff going on and there could be benign reasons but it hurts a lot. luckily I finally have my appt with an actual GI in two days. he's the same doc who did my colonoscopy/endoscopy. sooo we know I'm good from that procedure but when he presses on my guts and I react in Pain™ I'm a little afraid of what he might suggest lol 😩 also have some lady stuff going on that started a couple of weeks ago. I actually had an appt with an OBGYN scheduled so I could talk about getting off birth control since it's a leading (potentially) contributing factor to literally everything that's wrong with me. I canceled it because delta has gotten so bad and then of course my lady parts are now being weird. so I am going to reschedule in a few weeks once the vaccine is at its best cause I am also 1.5yrs behind on a pap also thanks to covid s i g h also! my leg muscles are atrophying. so that's really fun and exciting and I guess I get to set up an appointment with my pcp to figure out 🙃 what 🙃 I fucking do about it 🙃 because I can't do PT!!!! I can hardly do any physical movement which I assume is causing the problem because of my neuro shit, which is also not fixed and probably never will be idek how to process seeing my muscles shrinking in my legs. I'm trying not to think about it too much before I see my doctor but it's scary. it just is I don't know what else to say about it still in a weight plateau. trying to be kind to myself with reminders that I am stretched as thin as I can go and have new, awful stressors every fucking week (which makes me snack when I'm in breakdown mode and not on the good stuff, even if I'm sticking to my calorie budget) so it's not shocking weight isn't coming off. it still is, but at the most glacial pace. it's taken three months to get 9.7lbs down. should be at 15+. still really hoping I hit my big goal (just 10lbs away!!!!!!) before the end of the year I don't know if upping the dosage of nerve pain meds has helped or not because my IIH stuff is episodic now. my new neuro was actually willing to put me on the med no one else wants to without a lumbar puncture cause I am describing obvious elevated pressure in the brain which is causing expected IIH symptoms and he's not a moron. which is nice of him but I also don't want to be on it because it's not without moderate to severe risks? most people end up getting off it within a few weeks or months but hey at least he fucking believes me and said yeah it's prolly IIH but I can't diagnose you without the LP but let's cautiously treat it as IIH I've had two appointments with my psychologist now and I ...... like him....??? but also I don't??? he's fine personally, I think, but I have my doubts already about how he's going to be able to help me professionally. thinking of just calling it quits now and finding someone who takes my insurance so it'll be one less worry. I want to work on trauma and I feel like $150 was completely wasted last week so that's a red flag, right? lol finding a decent therapist is so fucking hard and I wish it wasn't my lease is up in mid-february so I will get a renewal offer no later than early-mid december. it's gonna go up over $400 lol four people have moved out in my building in the last month because of the increase. I paid $680 for this exact same apartment (before renovations but I barely

count them because they're cheap af) when I moved in and it's on the market for $1650-1720 now. makes me feel physically ill my mom can't afford it. she tells me she can, but I truly do not believe it. she says it would make her crazy trying to find somewhere else because I can't move in with her while my brother lives there, because I'm so disabled living there wouldn't be feasible for so many reasons, because I absolutely cannot stress Isis out (who had to go to the emergency vet again. but she's ok) or introduce my two cats to my mom's three cats, one of whom has FeLV. either way tho it's the disability!!!! I am trapped in my own apartment by my disability lmao my mom's friend wants to put me in his rental house but that's just too much. I can't have this giant upheaval in my life both physically and mentally. but I live and suffer in agonizing guilt every single day of my life because my mom pays for this apartment, which wasn't awful when I stopped working, but they've raised rent from $900ish to $1720 in *three years* it's insanity. I cry about this often because I can't move, my mom keeps telling me we can't, and not to worry about money but she's only saying that because it's impossible to leave I am so beyond stressed. this isn't counting what I went through with two (2) pen tablet companies to try to get a working fucking tablet so I could continue my commission. took 15 days but now I can work on art again. it was a nightmare september and october have been nightmarish months in every possible way actually lol rent wouldn't be *as* terrible if my disability claim got approved, but I would be shocked if not only it finished before early/mid-december, but if I get approved at all. and even if I do, every dollar would be going to rent and it wouldn't even be HALF OF RENT. I hate it here I hate this country I hate how it treats disabled and poor people I hate it hate it hate it hate my life too. I can't help it. I hate all of this and it feels like every time I'm begging the universe for a break it keeps throwing more shit at me instead. idk how to have hope anymore but that's been true for a long time now I suppose I have to be careful about how much/how hard I cry. a good hard cry no longer eases the tension but builds up insane pressure in my skull. I can't even cry for a release anymore like come on. it's a joke guys my life is just a joke now I had realllllllly hoped by the end of this year, after starting to lose weight in january, I would be telling you all that my IIH was cured. I shouldn't have hoped for anything at all p.s. I went back a couple of posts and realized I already talked about my neuro and the meds, sorry for saying the same stuff. I can't remember anything and I don't know what time is anymore

[maos2013]

Fic Writer Review

Ok, I could’ve sworn I was tagged by @aleksandrachaev but now the notification has disappeared? Idk what the hellsite is up to by making me think I have notifications, but I’m going to do this anyway 😂 😂 . I haven’t looked too closely at my stats and everything in a while, so this will be fun! 

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

77. But please don’t ask about the number of WIPs I have  😅

2. what’s your total AO3 word count?

208,442. Huh. I thought it would be more? Oh well!

3. how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Three. One random one shot for each ER and T100. The rest are all AoS!

Actually, wait. Since Kat says (and I agree whole heartedly!) that Black Widow is it’s own fandom, then make that 4! I wrote a one shot of an alternate end credit scene for that movie!

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos? (I’m not including the ones I have cowritten)

Everything’s Changing 372 Kudos-  Talk about a wild idea I had watching a movie from the 90s. Anywayyyy. Philinda and Philindaisy moments. Lots of fluff. (which if you know me, you know I do more angst these days.  😂)

We’ve Come a Long Way from Where We Began 265 kudos - Aww! The first thing I ever wrote! Lots of May and Daisy moments and they work t reunite their team. (But also I now refuse to read this because I can see how much my writing has improved since then, and now I get mad at previous me 😂)

A Bad *Axe* Birthday 177 Kudos- May gives Daisy an axe for her birthday, and teaches her to throw it. Because to quote Rosa Diaz from B99 “What kind of woman doesn’t have an axe?”

I Took You for Granted 150 Kudos- TBH, I’m surprised this one was this high? It’s not one of the better things I’ve written tbh. But it’s May and Daisy, in season 7, and God knows they needed more scenes together, so maybe that’s why this one is on the list.

What Did We Do To Deserve This 137 Kudos- Oooooooh. *sigh* Early season 5 Philinda feels for when I still had hope for my OTP.

5. do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Ummmm YES! You kind person took the time to leave me a comment! I will let you know my appreciation for that! No comment is too big or too small! You can literally comment a <3 and I will respond because you made my day! That said, I usually respond like once a month to all the comments that have been building up in my inbox

6. what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

*cackles* Ummmm. I have several, but I think the angstiest would be The Unimaginable. Poor May just lost everyone in this fic. 

OR! the pieces of my heart are missing you because I just kill all of my favorites.

OR! the moon and the stars are nothing without you because Philindaaaa feeeeels

I’m Lost Without Her  and Stay Alive, That Would Be Enough are runners up!

7. do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope. Not creative enough for that  😂 😂

8. have you ever received hate on a fic?

I don’t think so? Only hate for making people feel too many feels  😂 😂 😂

But to the person who once commented “Bestie I hate to break it to you but this ^ is not therapy” on one of my angst fics, please know that even though I don’t know who you are, I love you and think about this comment everyday.

9. do you write smut? if so what kind?

Yes, but not lately. And it usually has feelings involved. No plots usually, but feelings yes.

10. have you ever had a fic stolen?

I doubt I am even known enough for someone to bother  😂

11. have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but that would be awesome!

12. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah! Lean On Me with @shadowcass! Set during season 7 of AoS- Instead of MaYo going to Afterlife, it’s May & Daisy!

13. what’s your all time favorite ship?

Philindaaaaaaa. I have way too many feels about those two. 

14. what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Anything that’s in my old laptop. I got a new computer about 6 months ago, and any of my WIPs that somehow didn’t transfer over will probably never be finished. 😔

15. what are your writing strengths?

Angst! Also fluff (if I’m in the right mood). Sometimes humor! (again, depends on the mood.)

16. what are your writing weaknesses?

Feels I think? Sometimes I just write and then I go back to read it later and the dialogue in the feels particularly cringey. Also, I have a habit of using my southern slang in random places if I’m writing while tired, so I try to double check that.  😂

17. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Personally, I’ve only done it a couple of times, and for very short sentences or phrases because I don’t want to accidentally say something wrong and make a mess of things! I sadly only speak English with a few words of Spanish and Italian thrown in for funsies. Still waiting on a fic where I can randomly throw in a word or two in Italian.

18. what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Agents of Shield I believe! Unless you count the poorly written story I practically copied from an episode of Desperate Housewives that I was probably way too young to be watching. I wrote with gel pen on some loose leaf paper and then put into a pronged folder. I was maybe... 12? Mayyyyybe 13?

19. what’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

It’s like choosing my favorite child! (Not that I have children, but I do have 4 pets and I can easily tell you who my favorite pet is. 😂)

Hands down, I think my favorite has to be It’s Only a Matter of Time. I wrote a spec fic before the AoS finale where the team splits up across time, and I sobbed so hard while writing it!

Also I really really like The Unimaginable listed above with the angsty ending!

I’m tagging @tessathetesla @samanthaswishes @herosofmarvelanddc @brutashaphilindaandsylkieohmy if you guys want to do this!

[oh-my-damn]

The Kiss

Chapter 3 of my Stucky x OC story on Wattpad; Electric - Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

Find the first two chapters here. 

Check out my Wattpad for more chapters, there’s currently more than 150 chapters published, as of 15/8-21. 

Story is rated M for mature as it contains a lot of smut. Kink warnings can be found in the Author’s note on Wattpad (there’s a lot..)

Warnings for this chapter: Kissing, make out session (Stevie moves fast in this story), some grinding and pining. Also a bit of angst and confusion. 

MADELINE

Lunch was awkward.

After I brought up Bucky, Steve continued to act weird for the rest of the meal.

He barely said anything.

After a while of awkward silences, we finished eating and Steve left the kitchen. I went to the gym to get some basic training in, expecting Steve to come meet me as planned.

After about an hour or so of me training weights I realize Steve is not coming to train me as he was supposed to, and so I decide to go back to my room.

I honestly thought he knew and that bringing up Bucky would be a good thing. I had no idea he would react like this.

I am lying on my bed contemplating what an idiot I am as I hear a soft knock on my door.

It's so quiet that I barely hear it but I do.

"Who is it?" I yell out.

It takes a second for someone to reply but when he finally does I hear his magnificent voice.

"It's Steve. Can I come in? I won't dare to open the door before you allow me to."

I chuckle to myself. "Yes Steve. It's safe. I am dressed. Come on in"

I sit up on my bed as the door opens and I see Steve standing in my entryway.

He is looking at me in a way I can't decipher.

Is he mad at me? I don't know how to read this man.

"Madeline" he says as he closes the door behind him, "I'm sorry for the way I reacted earlier and that I didn't show up for training. I just didn't know that was how you met or got your powers, and the mentioning of Bucky in that context was a surprise to me."

He looks wounded as he speaks and it makes me feel instantly guilty.

He walks a few steps into my room and continues, "Bucky and I are at a fragile stage. He is still getting rid of the programming HYDRA did to him and he has been back and forth to Wakanda. I was his mission so it's been difficult for him to get fully back when it comes to our friendship. I hope you know my reaction had nothing to do with you but mainly due to mine and his relationship currently."

He looks down to his feet and he seems so vulnerable, my first reaction is to hug him.

I want to touch him and hold him close and make him feel better but I restrain myself.

"Steve, it's okay. I understand. I'm sorry for bringing it up."

He walks a bit further into the room and is now standing at the edge of the bed where I'm sitting.

He looks to the bed and then at me and asks "Can I sit?"

I nod silently and he places his beautiful self on my bed.

I could have jumped out of my own body right there.

As I look at him he continues.

"It's not your fault Madeline. You didn't know. How could you know? I understand you were just trying to find something we had in common and I appreciate it."

He smiles to himself as he looks down.

I reply "Yes well, I guess I was just trying to make it seem less awkward between us..."

He suddenly turns to look at me.

"You think it's felt awkward between us?" He looks at me with a confused expression.

I look at his beautiful blue eyes and reply, "Well... Yes. I haven't been sure if you really enjoyed my company or not. Half the time I feel like I'm a burden to you. So I was just trying to help you relate to me."

He looks at me for a second and then turns away and chuckles to himself.

"What's so funny?" I ask him, annoyed.

He looks back at me and then says "Nothing's funny. Actually, it's all very frustrating. I'm very sorry you thought I didn't like you. It's actually the exact opposite."

He studies my face as he finishes his sentence and I freeze.

What did he just say?

Before I can even think properly his face is right in front of mine and he breathes heavily as he says "Madeline? Can I kiss you?"

I study him and he looks so genuine and pure and I instinctively nod.

He puts his lips on mine so fast I don't even realize at first but once I do, I feel it.

I feel it all. The heat. The impulse.

The electricity.

As he kisses me deeper I feel my energy surge through me.

I have never been kissed like this.

I have been kissed before, yes, but it was never like this.

It never felt like electricity.

And for a person with actual energy coursing through her body, electricity is well.... electric. Quite literally.

As he puts both his hands on my jaw I put mine on his neck to grab his hair and as I do, a tiny electric shock comes out of my finger tips where I touch him.

I hear the spark and I quickly pull away in panic.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Are you okay?"

He rubs his neck and looks at me. "Doll, what was that?"

I blush a bit and look down.

"That might have been me..."

He tilts my head back up as he locks eyes with me.

"I thought you said you were in control." He smirks.

My cheeks turn even more red as I reply "I guess I lost it a little bit there."

He grabs me by the back of my neck and pulls my hair, his lips almost touching mine.

"I will never blame you for losing control with me because I have been losing mine since the first time I saw you. And you could never hurt me darling... I'm Captain America, I can handle you when you lose control" and then he crashes his lips onto mine.

Our lips move in perfect synchronization and it feels amazing.

He pulls me closer and as a result, pulls my hair a bit harder and a moan escapes my lips.

This seems to affect him and he deepens the kiss.

I open my mouth a bit and suddenly our tongues collide as well.

He moves while kissing me and I feel him position his body between my legs, his manhood throbbing against my crotch and I moan once again.

As I do he pulls away and watches me intensely.

I see the lust and heat in his eyes and I feel the same.

He must see it because in one swift motion he switches around and pulls me onto him so that I am sitting on his lap. He grabs my hair again and pulls me into another deep kiss and as he does I am grinding on him. I can't help myself. This feels so good I just want to feel him deeper. I want more.

I grind against him and I feel him hardening underneath me.

As I start to rub myself against him a moan escapes my lips once again and it fuels him further.

He pulls me away, his breath heavy and quick as he studies my face.

As he is about to pull me back in for another kiss, a loud noise interrupts everything and I quickly jump off his lap.

"Hello, Madeline. Are you there?"

Visions voice interrupts us abruptly and his loud knocking ruins the mood.

Steve and I look at each other as we try to gather ourselves before allowing Vision entry but he doesn't wait and suddenly he storms through the door.

I scramble to compose myself in the few seconds I have and Steve does the same.

As Vision enters my room he keeps speaking.

"Madeline, I couldn't wait to meet you, Wanda has told me so much about you so I thought I would introduce myself and we could..." he pauses as he sees Steve Rogers sitting at the end of my bed.

I managed to hurl myself off his lap but I doubt my cheeks have reached their natural color yet and I can tell that Steve is still on edge after what happened.

Vision looks from me to Steve and he pauses and looks at him for a second, tilting his head to the side. Only after that he speaks again.

"Captain! I didn't expect you here. I was just coming to introduce myself after Wanda has told me so much about our special new recruit."

He moves a bit to the side and I suddenly see Wanda smiling at me and once she realizes what she just walked in on, she waves at me awkwardly and then says "Maddie, it's just been so long I wanted to say hi. And Cap.. Hello. Hope we didn't interrupt anything."

I look at Wanda with widened eyes and I don't know what to reply.

Luckily, Steve replies quickly "It's all good you guys. I was just talking to Madeline about our training sessions for the next few days.."

He turns to me and we lock eyes and I can tell he was hoping for much more than what's happening right now.

As he gazes into my eyes he says "Madeline.. I will see you later and we can discuss further. I will come back once you're done catching up. Is that okay?"

As he says the last part I see the spark in his eyes.

"Yes, of course Captain Rogers. I appreciate your understanding."

I smile back at him shyly and after I do so he looks back to Wanda and Vision standing in my doorway.

"Alright then", he stands up from my bed and walks towards the door. Vision and Wanda move away a bit to give him space.

He turns back to me and says "I will see you soon then. I have some stuff I need to handle now..." He smiles at me shyly but Wanda and Vision don't see.

I am still sitting on my bed as Wanda walks towards me.

"Maddie! Come up here! Give me a hug! It's been so long, I've missed you!"

I stand up and she pulls me into a warm embrace. Behind her I can see Vision staring at me, probably trying to figure out what just happened here.

He's not the only one who would like to know.

What did just happen here?

Wanda sits down next to me on the bed and we catch up.

She tells me stories about her latest adventures and I listen as attentively as I can.

In the back of my mind I am still thinking about Steve and the way he was kissing me just a few moments ago.

She introduces me to Vision and they talk for a bit and although they are very sweet and interesting, I am still thinking about Steve. I feel guilty but I just can't keep my mind off him.

After a while Vision leaves to go work in the lab and I am left with Wanda. She turns to me.

"So. Vision is not human and doesn't understand these things. But I know what I saw. Now that he left... tell me everything."

I look back at her with a confused look.

"What do you mean?"

I try to sound nonchalant but by the look on her face I am failing. She grins at me and taps me slightly on the shoulder.

"Maddie! Stop playing! Steve Rogers was sitting on your bed when I walked in! You can't fool me!"

She looks at me and her gaze is locked in. I try to avoid her eyes but there is no way. I'm not getting out of this.

"Well..." I say.

I look down at my fingers as I twiddle my thumbs and I can feel my cheeks blushing.

I look back up at my beautiful friend who has been one of my closest confidants since I gained my powers. Wanda knows, she understands everything I went through. We shared many memories and thoughts during my trainings and I do trust her more than anyone right now.

I look away for a bit to gather my thoughts and as I look back at her she looks at me with expecting eyes.

"He kissed me."

Her eyes go wide and she slaps my thigh a little harder than I would have liked and yells "WHAT!"

She looks me up and down with a surprised look on her face and once again I have to look away as to not blush.

When I turn back to look at her she grabs my hand.

"Maddie. That's crazy. Do you understand what this means?"

I furrow my eyebrows and look back at her, "No, what does it mean? What do you know?"

She sighs and gathers her thoughts before replying, "Steve Rogers met the presumed love of his life during World War II. He went in the ice and came back seventy years later only to find her old and having had a husband and family. He never moved on. He has never loved anyone else. Either this is very important to him or you are just a distraction to him. I know how you have felt because you've told me however you need to figure out whether this is real for him or just a distraction before this goes any further."

I look Wanda in the eyes to try and study what she really means but she is sincere. All I get from her is honesty. I look down to my hands and realize what a bad mistake I've made.

I don't want to be Captain America's distraction.

I don't want to be anyones distraction.

As I look at Wanda and the serious look on her face I realize I must distance myself from whatever entanglement this would have been until I know what he wants for sure.

[twdbegins]

A Little R&R

__

Simon x Fem. Reader

Warnings: Some sexual references.

Word Count: 2,110

“Mmhm, well, you’re gonna see a noticeable change if you keep that up.”

__

Nobody has ever said that being a doctor is easy work. As a matter of fact, being in any job in medical field is probably one of the most demanding jobs there can possibly be. However, you had gone through a lot of school to become a doctor and while it was hard work, it was rewarding work. Nothing filled you with more joy than helping others. It was something that made you super passionate. It reminded you that, despite the fall, there’s still good in the world. 

With that being said, there were still times when the workload did sometimes get to be a bit much. At least before, when you were in a legit hospital, you had nurses and other doctors to provide their hands-on help. Now, it was pretty much just you. If you were lucky, Simon or another savior might be able to offer some minimal help, but in an overall sense, you were on your own. Another challenge refers to the more sanitary side of things. Since you weren’t in a hospital, the infirmary wasn’t as sterilized as you wanted it to be. You cleaned the infirmary from ceiling to floor every single day and as often as you could. You always deep cleaned your tools and sterilized them, but at the end of the day there was no way for everything to be completely clean. 

The worst part of it, though, was the fact that you had every single solitary patient. Obviously, if you’re the only doctor, then everyone is going to come to you. Some days you would have one person come in and some days you would have 40 people come in. It just varied from day to day. Your absolute least favorite day was check-up day. After you had been at the Sanctuary for about a year (and Negan realized you were there to stay) he found it necessary for every savior to have an annual checkup. Everyone. On the same day. 

The first year you had to do it was absolute hell. Everyone showed up at random times during the day and there was no order whatsoever. However, the next year, you put a system in order. Every savior would have to come at a specific time, starting with the highest in command to the lowest (this was per Negan’s request). So, Negan always went first, Simon next, and so on and so forth. You usually averaged about one savior every fifteen minutes. Which doesn’t sound that bad, but considering there’s an average of about 150 to 200 saviors, it makes out to be a long day of work. 

It was checkup day, November 11th to be exact. You had made sure to hydrate plenty the day before and get a good night of sleep, because you were not taking any breaks to try and get this over with quicker. Sure enough, you heard Negan’s familiar voice in the doorway at 6:00 A.M. sharp;

“Well, good morning, doc!” He chirped. 

You gave a smile;

“Negan.” You said acknowledging his presence.

Negan always went first because he was indeed highest in command. He also liked to just get it over with so he could still get a useful day of work. He knew the drill. He stripped off his signature leather jacket, setting it on the chair in the corner with his beloved Lucille. He had this rather unsettling smirk on his face. As much as you respected him as a leader, he could be quite disrespectful to you. Not in a “I don’t respect your feelings kind of way”, but he was known as a ladies man (his multiples wives as evidence to that). It didn’t at all offend or bother him to have a woman put her hands on him, in a professional way or not. He sat on the table as you began his checkup exam. He stayed silent for a little while, but you knew it wouldn’t last. As you were listening to his lungs and overall breathing, he spoke;

“You know, if you really want to see how I can handle myself, you can close that door and I’ll just show you.” He prided. 

You hushed him, waving a hand in front of his face. You couldn’t properly hear what you were listening for if he was talking.��You stayed quiet as you finished listening to his lungs before you answered. You hung the stethoscope around your neck as you tested his reflexes.

“Now, that’s not a very professional thing to say to your doctor is it?” You said grabbing the reflex hammer off of the counter. 

He shrugged;

“I mean, doctor-patient confidentially, right? Or does that not apply anymore?” He asked. 

“No, it does...depending on who you are,” You said truthfully. 

You tested Negan’s reflexes on his knees, noting that his response was a little slow;

“Reflexes are delayed,” You said taking the back of his hand and checking for dehydration. Nada. “Did you drink last night?”

He nodded as you wrote it down on his chart. He was healthy as a horse. 

“Well, other than the reflexes, you’re good to go,” You said truthfully. 

Negan smiled;

“Sweet,” He said getting off of the table and retrieving his jacket and weapon of choice. 

“Will you send Simon in, please?” You asked.

Negan zipped his jacket;

“As long as you two promise to behave in here.” Negan said approaching the doorway and motioning for Simon who was right outside. 

Simon walked in, Negan giving him a slight glare as he left. Simon raised a brow and looked at you;

“What was that about?” He asked. 

You rolled your eyes;

“Turned him down. Again.” You said referring to his advances. 

That wasn’t at all an uncommon occurrence. Negan was always trying to pick you up and had even thrown a marriage proposal your way before. All to which you denied and continue to deny every time. It was kind of a running joke between you and Simon now;

“Shocker,” He said pulling you to him, “Mornin’, baby.” 

You gave him a quick kiss;

“Hi.” You replied. 

He sat on the exam table, eager to get this over with. He hated going to the doctor, although he was willing to make an exception. You checked his eyes and ears first, both in perfect condition. You checked his lungs and breathing next, as you had done with Negan.

“Take off your shirt, please.” You asked. 

He smirked as he lifted it over his head;

“Yes ma’am.” He set his shirt aside and winced at the cold metal of the stethoscope against his back. 

His hands were on yours hips, rubbing in circles as you listened to his breathing and heart beat. His heart rate was a little elevated, but that was most likely from the fact that he was raking you over. You were asking just some general questions (all of which you knew the answer to) along the way. You had your hands at his neck, feeling for any swollen or tender lymph nodes;

“Have you had skin irritation or any noticeable changes to your body lately?” You asked as you felt his neck gently, his skin sensitive to the feel of your touch.

He groaned;

“Mmhm, well, you’re gonna see a noticeable change if you keep that up.” He said. 

You pulled your hands away and tried not to laugh;

“Sorry. I’m almost done.” You said reaching for a tongue depressor.

“What time do you think you’ll be done?” He asked curiously.

You shrugged and gave a questionable look; 

“Late for sure. Open wide,” You instructed, “Maybe midnight?” 

You checked his throat for any signs of inflamed tonsils or strep throat as he attempted to speak a response that was just muffled;

“Huh?” You asked taking the depressor away. 

“I said to come to my room when you do get off. I’ll be up.” He repeated.

You nodded, jotting the final notes on his chart;

“You don’t have to wait up for me.” You kindly said.

“Sure, I do. I want to.” He retorted.

You smiled, and sighed contently when you finished his examination;

“Well, my love, you are in perfectly good health.”

He laughed at your monotonous tone and slipped his shirt back on, before standing back up;

“Do you have any breaks today?” He asked.

“Nope. Straight shot from start to finish.” You replied.

He nodded with a slight grimace. He hated seeing you work yourself too hard. But you wouldn’t do it any other way. He kissed you again before leaving;

“I’ll see you tonight. Don’t work too hard.”

__

The day went by horribly slow. Person after person came through. You repeated the same tests over and over until you felt like you’d freaking pass out. Finally, low and behold, you examined the very last savior at around 12:15 AM. Basically 18 hours of straight work with no breaks. Honestly, it should’ve been longer than that, but some exams didn’t take as long as others. You were exhausted and drained. You cleaned the infirmary as usual, used the shower, and finally were lights out at 12:45. You locked up and straggled to Simon’s room, which felt like miles away. You walked into his room and, sure enough, he was awake and waiting for you. 

You looked tired, to say the least. He offered a comforting smile;

“Hey. All done?” He asked. 

“All done.” You affirmed. 

Your legs and feet had never hurt so bad in your entire life. You quite literally collapsed onto the bed, letting out a sigh of relief that you felt in your soul. He sat on the end of the bed as you just took a moment to mellow out. Your feet were a horrible shade of dark pink, borderline red from the heavy blood flow from being on your feet all day.

“126. 126 saviors came through. That’s a personal record.” You said with a laugh.

Simon shook his head in disbelief;

“I don’t know how you do it. Anybody that you think will kick the bucket this year?” He asked slightly joking but also not. 

You scoffed;

“From a physical health standpoint, no. Mentally though, that new guy Derek might be in for it if he doesn’t change his attitude,” You stated honestly. 

“Oh, yeah. The tall redheaded guy, right? I think Richie got into a tussle with him a few weeks ago.” Simon said recalling the big fight that went down. 

You hummed in affirmation as you watched him trace circles on your leg lazily with his index finger. You groaned and rubbed your face;

“My feet hurt so bad. I feel like I’ve been standing and walking all day.” You growled. 

Simon got up from the bed and laughed;

“That’s because you have,” He grabbed a bottle off of the dresser and sat back down. You suddenly felt a cold presence and rubbing sensation on your leg. You looked down and let out a groan of relief upon realizing Simon was rubbing your legs and feet;

“You are an absolute angel, you know that?”

He smirked;

��I do my best.” 

His hands worked wonders on your aching lower limbs and appendages. You raised a brow;

“Where did you get lotion from?” You asked examining the dark red, label-less bottle. 

His hand gently gripped and slid down from your knee to your ankle;

“I have my ways,” He grinned; “I thought you outta know that by now.”

“You’re still full of surprises. I never know what tricks you have up your sleeve.” You laughed heartily. 

He still grinned;

“Yeah, well, I gotta keep it interesting,” He joked, “No, but I found this last week. I’ve just been meaning to give it to you.” 

The lotion’s scent was so good and so calming. You definitely could’ve fallen asleep right where you were.

“At least I know I’ll sleep good tonight.” You stated. 

“Speaking of, I think it’s time to call it a night.” He said rubbing the last bit of lotion in and returning the bottle to the dresser.

You groaned and rolled over to your side of the bed with him quickly sliding into his side. You rested yourself against his side, immediately feeling like you were about to fall asleep. Before you drifted off, however, he softly said a few last words for the night;

“You really do keep this place running,” He said kissing your head, “I love you. And I’m really proud of you and everything that you do.”

You looked up at him sleepily, kissing him softly before falling asleep in the arms of the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

FTWD 6x15: U.S.S. Pennsylvania - Analysis

How did everyone like this episode? I liked it a lot, and basically what happened is what we’ve been predicting for several weeks, now.

 ***As always, spoilers abound for 6x15 below. Don’t read until you’ve watched!***

I said that they would probably set off one of the nukes, but not all of them. Clearly, it wasn’t going to be a nuclear holocaust or anything, because the TWD storyline is 6 years in the future compared to Fear, and we haven’t seen anything like that.

But in the end, they launched 1 missile that has 10 warheads on it. And Teddy specifically said it might be heading toward water. So we’re right on track with the idea of them poisoning the water this way.

Okay, let's get into details. We start with the wind blowing, and showing the church doors waving back and forth, and a rusted, decrepit merry-go-round. All of these things are foreshadows of what is going to happen. The events in this episode will probably play a huge role in the end of the world. Not just the zombie apocalypse, but potentially killing of humanity for good. Obviously, I don't think that's going happen. But I think all the people in TWD universal will be grappling with that moving forward.

We saw quite a few round wheels divided into three sections while aboard the submarine. Now, I get that this is just what submarines look like. They often use doors and hatches that make use of these wheels to open them. But we saw something like this in the background of almost every scene of the entire episode, and the camera focused on them lot. They really wanted us to notice it. They look a lot like one of the poison/hazard signs we often see. Again, not a big deal, but a foreshadow that what happens on the sub is going end up poisoning the water.

Side note: I looked up what these wheels on submarines that open, close and seal doors are called. They’re called DOGS. No lie. So we basically have tons of Sirius symbolism throughout this episode and especially all over the submarine. Just saying. :D

The basic gist of what happens here is that Morgan's group goes in and tries to stop the missiles from being launched. As I said, only one gets launched, which is better than all 23, but they don't entirely succeed because that one with the 10 warheads does go off. Some people wait outside, and others have gone to some sort of base or bunker to get schematics so that they can talk Morgan's group through where to go once inside the enormous submarine.

We learned that Riley was an officer on the boat, which is how he knows about all of this. Morgan goes down first, but Grace quickly follows. She stays near the hatch to use the radio and communicate between the group going deeper into the sub, because the communications will be cut off, and the people outside. They also learned that there might be as many as 150 walkers in the submarine because that's how many crew were in there and for all they know, the entire crew died in the sub.

I don't have any massive theories about this number but hundred and 50 is a 10x multiple of 15. And that just goes back to Gimple saying he has through season 15 of the show planned out.

I think it's interesting that the interior of the submarine is bright yellow. Again, this might be common for subs—I really don't know—but it's interesting that the outside of the sub is bright red in the inside is bright yellow.

Once they’re in, they start speaking to Teddy via the comm system. I thought it was interesting that once he realized it was John Dorie, Sr speaking to him, he got very agitated.

Strand and Morgan end up in one of the deeper rooms together, trying to find a way to where Teddy is. They learn that the radiation in the path they’re trying to take is very high and will more than likely kill them. Strand wants to find another way. Morgan doesn't. Finally, Morgan relents and goes with Strand, but they soon find themselves trapped with no way through.

Then Strand does something interesting. He basically throws Morgan to the wolves by kicking him towards walkers and leaving him there so Strand himself can escape.

On the surface, this definitely feels like a Shane moment. Strand sacrificed Morgan (just as Shane did Otis in S2) so he could escape himself. But later on, when Morgan makes it out okay, Strand says the reason he did it was because he knew if he pushed Morgan to the point where he had to survive and was on the verge of death, he’d find a way to do it, and Morgan did. So, he makes it sound like this was his plan all along.

It’s basically the, "it went the way it had to; the way it was always going to” theme. Even though no one actually says that, so there’s no dialogue parallel, that's basically what Strand is arguing here. But why would they put that theme here?

Let me explain. Understand, I'm really not suggesting that this is okay or that we should trust Strand in anything. He’s clearly okay with throwing people under the bus so that he can survive, which is not cool. I also do think that this is a massive theme and there’s symbolism going on here.

Morgan was thrown to a group of walkers who then surrounded and piled on top of him. That's pretty much with what we think happened with Beth except she was in the car and had that for protection.

And how did Morgan escape? They don't show us. We don't know. Very similar to when Rick got stuck in the RV in 6x03 and somehow miraculously escaped. I'm not saying all these instances are terribly realistic, but there’s a theme about being surrounded by walkers and that, for all intents and purposes, the character should have died, but somehow, they make it out alive.

So this is a very Beth-ish theme. In the episode, Dakota even says over the radio that Strand killed Morgan, which makes Grace cry. But then he shows up again. So, this is a very tiny death, fake out, and resurrection.

But there’s a more practical product of Strand’s actions here as well. Morgan manages to steal a bunch of key cards (yes, the “keys”) to the room Teddy is in. That would not have happened if Strand had not sacrificed Morgan and left him behind. They would have simply been locked outside the room and all 23 of the missiles would have been launched, more than likely resulting in some kind of nuclear winter. The ONLY reason they were able to prevent as much as they did is because Strand left Morgan behind.

See where I’m going with this? Much as with Beth, according to Father Gabriel was “sacrificed” and left behind, Morgan was, too. And he returned with the keys that saved everyone.

I really do think the same will be true Beth. It will be one of these things where only because she was left behind and knows what she knows about the CRM will team family have any hope of winning the war or surviving in the long term. That's the whole function of her arc of being left behind. It’s why we saw the keys at Grady in Coda. Because what happened there will be the key to saving everyone much farther down the line.

From a Christian symbolism perspective, let’s just appreciate that there were plenty of his followers who mourned him and thought him dead for good because they didn’t understand the resurrection angle. They were shocked when he suddenly stood before him again. Happy, but shocked.

That’s basically the effect tptb are trying to create here with both TF and the audience. That’s why all the misdirection and evasion. That’s why the death fake out. It’s a long game, but it’s really kind of genius.

Anyway, that’s why we saw this whole Strand/Morgan sequence in this episode. It’s a template for what happened with Beth.

Every time we see something like this, it also puts me in mind of what happened with Sasha. We don’t know exactly what it is, yet, but Father Gabriel, in 5x16, accused her of sacrificing one of their own. You could take FG’s entire speech from that episode and apply it to this smaller situation with Morgan and Strand and it would work across the board. So, whatever happened during those missing 17 days, Sasha is in Strand’s position in the template and did something to “sacrifice” Beth.

But I digress…

While standing in front of the door, Strand and Morgan also see a woman who looks like a civilian. Strand says she's probably one of Teddy's people because she's not wearing any kind of Navy uniform. She's wearing almost entirely blue with specs of yellow on her shirt.

The other symbol we saw a lot of here is walkers handcuffed to various places in the submarine. Some of them are handcuffed in their bunks. Others to the stations that were manning when they died. It reminds me of the random handcuffed Daryl found in S8.

In that case, there was no one in it, which suggests escape from captivity (*coughs Beth*). Here, the people are all still in handcuffs and they clearly died and became walkers. So, it's sort of a death while in captivity sort of theme. And I'm not sure how to relate it to Beth, exactly, except that it's an anti-parallel. But I'm absolutely certain it's intentional and we should take note of it.

It took two keys, which is important (2 Theory) to launch the first missile.

Teddy says that one is enough to get them started, and he doesn’t say exactly where it's going or what places he’s targeted, but he says they will be hard to miss. I’m hoping they tell us what the targets were in 6x16 next week. Since they’re in Texas, the targets may play heavily into Texas and Eugene themes. But we’ll just have to wait and see.

Then Teddy literally says this of where the missiles might be going:

"Maybe toward the water—oh." He goes on to say more. The “oh” is a realization of something. But it caught my eye that we had the water mention and the “oh” in the same sentence.

Morgan basically lets John and Riley go. This is the only super unrealistic thing I noticed in this episode. Why would you let them go so they can continue their evil plan? But clearly their time in the story isn’t up and the writers need them to be around for whatever will happen next.

Two more symbols to take note of before I end.

Morgan's ax is broken. I really think this is probably a symbol of the world he’s been trying to create being over. Remember that he put the ax outside the community as a symbol of solidarity and peace. Now it's broken, which means that peace is broken. And no matter what happens, they will probably never have the community Grace saw in her dream. It doesn't surprise me because I figured at some point, the characters from Fear will cross back over to the main show or else to the spinoff. This is just a symbol that the wonderful, peaceful world that Morgan was trying to create pretty much ended when this missile was launched.

Going back to the beginning of the episode when it showed the wind blowing through the church doors and the defunct merry-go-round (which represents his and Grace's relationship), this is why the symbols are so potent. It foreshadows that all the good things that they built up so far are about to end.

Finally, they started with 23 missiles in the submarine. They launched one. Which means there are 22 left. Check out @frangipanilove’s 22 theory for why that's so important.

How did everyone else like the episode? Did you see anything I missed?

[merrybrides]

Figuring out how much booze you need for an open bar wedding is so confusing, there’s actually wedding alcohol calculator apps and diagrams and spreadsheets that have been created to try and help you out. Unfortunately we find most of them a bit more confusing than they have to be, so we’re going to try and break it down for us as easily as possible without making a powerpoint for you! 

OK. So here’s the most BASIC wedding alcohol calculator information you need to know, based on the number of guests you’re having. But first, below is a cheat sheet in case you really, really don’t feel like reading how to figure it out! 

Open Bar for 100 GUESTS:

70 bottles of wine

175 bottles of beer

15 bottles of liquor (750 ml)

20 bottles of champagne for toast (optional)

150 GUESTS:

105 bottles of wine

266 bottles of beer

22 bottles of liquor (750 ml)

30 bottles of champagne for toast (optional)

200 GUESTS:

140 bottles of wine

350 bottles of beer

30 bottles of liquor (750 ml)

40 bottles of champagne for toast (optional)

How did we come up with that? The math breaks down like this:

1. Figure Out How Long Your Wedding Reception/Cocktail Hour Will Be

Assume guests will have 2 drinks in the first hour of the open bar, and 1 additional drink each following hour. The total length of a wedding reception will vary but assume for general purposes it will be 5 hours (1 hour for your cocktail hour, and 4 hours for dinner/dancing).

So for a 5 hour cocktail hour/reception, that’s 6 drinks total per guest, which is what a lot of websites will recommend. Overall, we always like to err on the side of caution when it comes to an open bar and not running out, so we actually recommend adding one drink to that calculation, bringing it to 7 drinks per guest for a 5-hour event.

It’s not that people will consume 7 drinks/person, and of course not everybody will drink 2 or even 1, BUT you have to take into account how many times servers might pick up a half-full drink, or somebody misplaces theirs while dancing. It happens, and if you’re DIY’ing your own wedding bar with no extra inventory (like most wedding caterers have on hand), why take the chance? Extra bottles of wine that go unused after the wedding can make for great hostess or holiday gifts, and you won’t be freaking out thinking that you didn’t order enough alcohol.

2. Calculate How Many Drinks Come in a Bottle You’re Serving

5 glasses of wine in a 750 ml wine bottle (including champagne)

12 drinks in a 750 ml spirit bottle

And of course a bottle of beer is one serving.

I found this to be one of the most helpful, clear guides online to how many servings a bottle of alcohol in various sizes can pour.

3: Decide What You Want Your Alcohol Mix to Be

Note: For purposes of this article, we’re going to assume you’re having a full open bar (if you’re not, don’t worry. We’ve got you covered, below).

While sites like Total Wine encourage you to use a ratio of 50% wine drinkers, 30% beer, and 20% spirit drinkers, we think it’s safer to say 50% of guests want wine, 25% beer, and 25% want the hard stuff, though keep in mind you know your crowd better than anybody. For instance, at my wedding we had a lot of wine and spirit drinkers, so I would have made it 60% wine, 30% alcohol, 10% beer.

So using ALL those calculations, here’s how you would figure out just how much you need in total, assuming the percentages and everything else above for a 100 person wedding:

For 100 guests:

Wine:

(50% of guests)=50

x

(Number of Drinks Needed According to Total Hours) = 7

=350

/ (divided by)

(Number of glasses per bottle of wine) = 5

=70 bottles of wine needed

Beer:

(25% of guests) = 25

X

(Number of Drinks Needed According to Total Hours) = 7

=175 bottles of beer needed

Spirits:

(25% of guests) = 25

X

(Number of Drinks Needed According to Total Hours) = 7

=175

/

(Number of servings per 750ml bottle of liquor)= 12

=14.5 (round up to 15) bottles of liquor needed

OPTIONAL….

Champagne Toast:

(100% of guests) = 100

/

(Number of glasses per bottle of champagne) = 5

=20 bottles of champagne needed

TOTAL:

So to recap, for 100 guests you would need:

70 bottles of wine

175 bottles of beer

15 bottles of liquor (750 ml)

20 bottles of champagne for toast (optional)

Only Having Beer and Wine?

Of course if you’re only having beer and wine, the percentages you’ll need for each would just go up accordingly. So you would most likely assume a 60% wine and 40% beer mix, making your numbers look like:

84 bottles of wine

280 bottles of beer

While the wedding alcohol calculator numbers above are rough estimates, I again encourage you to take into consideration your crowd. Are they big drinkers? Pad each of those numbers by a few bottles. Do a handful of guests you know of DEFINITELY not drink? Take it down a notch or two. Also talk to your alcohol/wine store you are purchasing from and get their opinion. This wedding alcohol calculator is by no means set in stone, these numbers are just meant to provide a guide for you so you know where to start.

Ready to buy? If you’re using the wedding alcohol calculator formula we’ve come up with, above, the shopping list for it is below.

4: Compile Your Shopping List

Spirits

OK. So here’s where I think the hardest part comes in for all wedding alcohol calculators. How much to get of each spirit? For a basic full bar you’ll want to have vodka, gin, rum, tequila, and whiskey. From there consider adding a bottle or two of bourbon, scotch, brandy, and any other specialty spirits you love.

Here’s a well-rounded list you can go off of when deciding the vodka to whisky amount you’ll need, assuming you buy 15 bottles of liquor for 100 people. And again, if you have a specialty liquor you like consider adding that to this list as well.

6 vodka

4 whisky

2 gin

2 tequila

1 rum

Wine

For wine you’ll want to do a mix of each, leaning towards more red wine if you’re throwing an evening wedding. Wine Folly has an easy-to-understand ratio of what types of wine to get for a wedding or other party, below:

Fall, Winter and Spring weddings:   People tend to drink more red wine at indoor weddings in the fall, spring and winter. As a rule, have a mix of about 50% of red wine for this type of wedding.

Summer and Outdoor weddings:  Outdoor weddings on hot days will have people drinking more white wine. Consider a mix of 30% each of all 3 styles of wine. On the other hand, you might also think about serving rosé, especially if you’re serving fish or seafood.

So if you’re buying 70 bottles of wine, your shopping list for an evening wedding inside might look like:

35 red

23 white

12 sparkling (not including extra bottles if you’re having a toast)

Beer

A mix of 3 types of beer is perfect. In that case, I would do one pilsner, one lager, and one IPA (and try to make at least one of those mainstream enough for your Uncle Joe to enjoy, like a Miller Lite).

Mixers

You’ll want to have a variety of mixers available (and of course if you’re making specialty cocktails you’ll want to be sure to get everything you need that’s specific to those), as well as garnishes. One thing to note is that if you are hiring a bartender service (most venues require you have a licensed bartender) it’s often easier to let them supply the basic mixers and garnishes along with things like glassware and napkins.

In terms of mixers, plan on having the following for 100 guests:

10 Liters Club Soda or Seltzer

6 Liters  Ginger Ale

8 Liters  Cola

8 Liters Diet Cola

8 Liters Lemon-Lime Soda

6 Liters Tonic

3 Quarts each of any juice you want (plan on at least having orange, cranberry, and grapefruit)

2 bottles each of sour mix, grenadine, simple syrup, and bitters.

1 bottle each of dry and sweet vermouth

Garnishes

1/2 lemon/lime per guest (pre-sliced)

2 olives and cherries per guest

Phew. OK this article is WAY longer than we expected, and I’m sure there’s so much more we can include for future articles as well. In the meantime, are you having an open, DIY wedding bar? If so tell us how much you’re getting for it, below, and what wedding alcohol calculator you used and loved.

[lindoig8]

Sunday 18 April

We were on the road a little earlier than usual and soon met up with a couple (Dad and adult Daughter, we think) going the other way. We had seen almost no other cars on this road, but they hailed us down and asked if we had seen the other two cars in their party of three vehicles. We had, just a few minutes earlier, so they were not far ahead of us and this car had obviously passed them without recognising them. We knew of a side road up to the Strzelecki Track and suggested that their companions may have taken that route, but it was in the opposite direction they wanted to go – to Lyndhurst rather than Innamincka. They turned around and we let them pass us while they raced off to find their friends – only for us to pass them again 30-40 clicks ahead where they were again studying their maps and GPS. We stopped again and used Heather’s Maps.me app to give them the lie of the land because they couldn’t understand their own GPS. Off they went again and we caught up with them and their travelling companions at the junction with the Strzelecki. They had finally found each other, having probably never been more than 10 clicks apart and having passed each other at least once, possibly twice. I have an excellent navigator aboard so I hope we never get into the sort of pickle they seemed to have succumbed to.

The Strzelecki was something of a disappointment! We drove it 191 kilometres west to Lyndhurst and at least half of it was sealed with a good deal more prepared and ready for sealing. I reckon the government, all governments, should just decide to seal the entire surface of Australia and be done with it. There is so little adventure left in the Outback and we are continually hearing stories of the Outback Way, the Plenty Highway, the Tanami and who knows what else being sealed. It is just so sad!!! It will change the face of the Outback once the luxury hotels and resorts are built to take advantage of the bustling tourist traffic on all the sealed freeways (probably tollways!) – totally destroying the last vestige of romance, excitement and challenge. Within a very few years, there will be no authentic Outback to see and explore. If you want to learn about the Outback, do it now or it will be too late.

We had a few more stops along the way and at one place, I heard water dripping onto the road and found that the tap on one of our water tanks had been broken off when a stone flew up and hit it. I plugged it with 'Blue-tack' but doubted if it would hold (and it didn’t).

We were going to get fuel at Lyndhurst, but the bowser was not working and would be fixed in a few days. So we went south to Copley – alas, it was Sunday and the bowser there was closed too. So we ended up at Leigh Creek again, close to 50 kilometres south of Lyndhurst when we wanted to go north, but at least we got fuel. We booked into the Caravan Park at the service station so we could have showers, only to find we had to return to the servo to get the code for the ablution block.

We then found that another stone had broken the inlet hose to our water tanks so we have had to rely on our own tanks and the DC pump in the van ever since. Fortunately, we figured we had plenty of water to last us to Alice Springs so it was not going to delay us while we arranged repairs - at some unknown location!

It is interesting that we always have hundreds of small gravel stones rolling around on the car roof, making it difficult to open the back because they get lodged in the joint between the door and the roof. Every horizontal surface under the car and van is chockers with similar stones, often quite a lot larger, but the only way they can get onto the roof of the car is to be flicked up onto the sloping front of the van and bounce the 2-3 metres forward onto the car roof. There is plenty of evidence of minor stone damage on the van so I don’t suppose it is all that surprising.

A car and trailer turned up a few minutes after we arrived in the caravan park and the woman pleaded with me to tell her the code for the ablution block because she was desperate to use the toilet. I was reluctant because I thought it was a con, but eventually agreed – and they never returned to the servo to pay for their stay in the park. But next day, they wanted to empty their Portaloo and found the dump-point was padlocked. We never had a key so when she asked me for one, I redirected her to the servo and an hour later she returned, presumably having been forced to pay for the night in order to get the key to the dump-point.

We had a loquacious busybody parked next to us at Leigh Creek who was very eager to tell us all the things we were doing wrong and where we should go instead of what our plans involved, but I eventually escaped him and hid out in the van instead. And he left well before us next morning so I avoided most of his ramblings then too.

Monday 19 April

We needed to exchange our empty gas bottle for a full one so went to the servo only to find that the dust had clagged up the padlock on our gas bottle and I had to use some bolt-cutters to cut the lock off. Dearest gas ever at $50 a bottle – usually under $30. (I subsequently had to cut the clogged padlock off our second gas bottle too!)

Our first stop was Farina – the ruins of what was once a sizeable town of well over 300. There were lots of ruins around of shops, a smithy, school, hardware outlet, train station and yards, a bank, mill, bakery, etc., but in 1955 everyone simply walked away and left the place to crumble in their wake. We have seen quite a few places like this, mainly based around a single industry or service (telegraph or train station, for example), but this was a significant diverse township with a Council and local laws – yet within a single year, it became a deserted, heavily-vandalised ruin. Where did everyone go? What did they do in their new abodes? If they left everything behind, how did they survive? It is not much more than 50 years ago, certainly well within my lifetime, and it seems so hard to understand how people simply decided to leave en masse and how they survived afterwards. It certainly gives me cause for thought.

And why are all such buildings so heavily vandalised? Vandals will wreck anything, but most of the wrecked buildings we saw were made out of stone, often constructed of two layers with an air-gap between and up to about 6-700mm thick. What induces vandals to demolish such structures? It would be bloody hard work for no reward. One of the sidings we saw beside the old Ghan track had been left in such a state that I could have given some of the walls a gentle push and the entire wall and roof would have collapsed on me. It looked quite dangerous so why would anyone deliberately leave a building in such a precarious condition? Some very strange people inhabit this world!

We stopped in Marree to fill out our Northern Territory border forms. It took almost an hour – and they were never even looked at. So much bureaucracy for so little benefit. I have probably always been something of a bureaucrat myself but hopefully, always for a purpose. This Covid thing seems simply to always have been a device to keep the population under the thumb of the politicians.

Marree is at the eastern end of the famous Oodnadatta Track (and at the southern end of the Birdsville Track that we drove a few years ago) and the road itself was probably in better condition than it has been for any of our earlier 3-4 crossings. It is more than 600 kilometres of gravel and ends at Marla on the sealed Stuart Highway. We stopped at several places that day: a couple of defunct railway sidings (from when the Ghan paralleled the road en route to Alice Springs) as well as a few dry riverbeds and occasional watercourses, looking at plants and looking for the very elusive birds – of which there have been very few so far this trip. Surprisingly, at one expansive patch of water, I saw a flock of Silver Gulls (500+ km from the ocean), an Australasian Grebe, some Pacific Black Ducks and some Little Black Cormorants – as well as the usual Budgerigars – many more of them than I can recall on previous trips, but many fewer Zebra Finches.

We stopped to photograph some of the Art in the Desert, quirky stuff erected by a local pastoralist who decided that there needed to be more entertainment along the Track. It is just a string of quaint installations a couple of clicks long on his property beside the Track. I will post a couple of pics if I can find them.

We camped overnight at Coward Springs. Literally an oasis in the desert with an extensive permanent wetland that is the habitat of quite a few waterbirds, despite us not seeing any this trip. There were about 150 people there overnight: very different from our previous visits, and a nice little earner for the current owners at $15 a head (plus $10 a head for day visitors). Mind you, there is a lot of work for them to do, just the two of them looking after a big area with diverse challenges not encountered at most ‘resorts’. There are several big date palms there and on our first visit several years ago, we picked some and put them in our pockets for later – needless to say, our pockets ended up full of a dusty gooey mess that was quite inedible. Once bitten…… so we never indulged this time.

Before dinner, I walked to the natural hot spa but never went in. It is not all that big and there was a family already in it so adding us (even if we had wanted) would have made it a bit crowded. I strolled around the edge of the wetland hoping to see some of its inhabitants, but although I was almost constantly regaled with a cacophony of gentle squeaks and squawks from the reeds and shrubbery, I saw only Crested Pigeons.

[canaryatlaw]

okay so, I have a super long crazy travel story from June 2014 that I'm always telling and the full version of it just came up on my facebook memories and I feel the need to post it (it was a tumblr post at the time too, it got like 150 notes) mostly so I can post the link on twitter, so here you go:

Okay, here is the full, unedited story of the absolute ridiculous adventure we went on yesterday. It is long.

The plan for the day was to pack up from our London location, hop on a train to a town called Keighley, where we would get on a steam engine train to a town called Haworth that is the location of the Bronte sisters home, and spend the day there. We were then going back to Keighley, take the train to Lancaster, then catch the final train up to the Lake District, with an expected arrival time of 8 pm.

Well, for waking up at 6 and running across London, through the tube, and to the train station with all your luggage for a 10 day trip went surprisingly smoothly, but after we get on the first train that ends. Upon arriving in Keighley we had about half an hour to get the next train, so the plan was for a rental company to bring a van to the train station in which we could store our luggage for a few hours, so we could walk (up a ridiculous incline) all over Haworth freely. Get to train station, no van. Oh. Well apparently the rental company sent somebody to take our professor to get the van and bring it to the train station without telling us, and said person was sitting in their car texting, oblivious to the visibly panicked Americans who just showed up. He does find her and manages to get the van back to the station. We load our luggage in and quickly hop on the steam train. Okay, stressful, but not too bad.

We arrive in Haworth and are told the Bronte house/museum was "just at the top of the hill." Well, apparently the British have a different definition of this phrase than Americans. Just up the hill turned out to be several miles up through fields, stores, old houses, everything. But yes, we reached it- and it was at the very top of the hill. Go on tour, look around town, nice little time. We were to meet to walk back and catch the train at 4. It was imperative that we were on time, as upon arriving back in Keighley, our professor had half an hour to return the van and catch the only train back to Lancaster. Amazingly, we did it, despite how far away the rental place was. It looked like that headache was over and we just had a long, luggage attached ride up to the Lake District.

Well, now the real fun begins. We arrive at the Lancaster station right on time, with about 20 minutes until our train north. Our professor double checks with the station manager about what platform and what train. The warden is very friendly, assuring us that we're in the right place and cracking jokes with us. As the train pulls in, our professor yells to the warden to confirm, and he does. So we board the very crowded train with all of our suitcases. It takes us a good 5 minutes just to get seated with our luggage out of the way. As we get settled in, the conductor comes to check tickets. Our professor hands him our group ticket with itinerary....oh no. This is the wrong train going in the wrong direction. Bad. We were told we had to get out at the next stop to take a train back to Lancaster, to then board a correct train.

Well crap. We get off at the next stop, irritated, and again ask for assistance. We easily found the train we were looking for....the one that didn't arrive until past 9. It's just past 7 at this point. Mind you we are in the middle of nowhere. There is literally a station platform and a small strip of stores. No town, no wifi, no buses, nothing. This sucks, but we have to just wait it out. At the end of the small strip of shops is a "micropub." Everyone was pretty fed up at this point, so we decided to head over to unwind a bit. Micropub was a very accurate descriptor. The whole place was about the size of a bedroom, and already filled with people. Did I mention there were 15 of us? Also, they only had drinks and pub snacks. Oh well, everyone is just like what the heck so we get some snacks and a good number of us get a (singular) drink. We sit on the sidewalk outside of the pub consuming this, much to the amusement of the British patrons. They got quite a kick out of the largely given up hope group of Americans. We actually manage to have a bit of fun, and by the time the train comes everyone is happy and laughing, and just a little bit tipsy.

We take the train back, literally one stop, and wait at Lancaster for the right one. Everyone was pretty much in that crazed overtired mode where you act ridiculous and think everything is really funny. The other train patrons obviously thought we were crazy, and the station manager was quite embarrassed by his snafu that landed us back here. But hey, the right train finally comes. It takes a good 5 minutes stopped at the station for us to get all our luggage stacked and make sure everything was correct. We call ahead to the car company that was to meet us with the rental in the Lake District and the Bed and Breakfast where we'd be staying and they were both able to accommodate our time change. How lucky! Almost. We get off the train at the Lake District and unload all our luggage. Just as the train is leaving and and everyone is collecting their individual bags, we notice that nobody is claiming this black suitcase, that suddenly looks quite unfamiliar...oops. We took someone's bag by accident...and the train is gone. Well we all felt bad knowing we just made someone else's day a little worse, but we give it to the station manager and go to meet the people with the two vans we'd be using for the next two days. Except there not there. So we wait...again. Finally, they do show up, with a quite clueless old man trying to instruct us on how to program where we were going into the GPS and failing miserably. Keep in mind we had very shotty cell service (since we were still in the middle of nowhere) and using data overseas is quite difficult. We can't figure out how to turn the audio of the GPS on, so we resign to leaving the station going off the visual instructions. It was only supposed to be about a 20 minute ride, and hey, what else could go wrong at this point right? Surely we had exhausted our Murphy's law quota for the day. I mean, we had gone on 9 trains.

Well. Apparently at this time of year the sun sets very late here. As in it was finally getting dark…at 11. But when it did set, it was very dark. So we are traveling further and further away from the small bit of civilization we had on very narrow European roads, in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere, and the GPS starts malfunctioning, telling us to go down a road then when we do starts re-routing us elsewhere, ad infinitum…Oh yeah, and there's also a whole lot of mountains here (seriously it looks like the shire, it's gorgeous) so the roads were quite hilly, and we had an American driver who's not totally accustomed to this, and it's a manual transmission…what's that burning smell? Is that smoke? Oh no, that's smoke. And it's coming from the car.

Crap.

The transmission was not happy and started smoking, everywhere. The smoke then got through the AC vents into the car, where everybody starts choking and coughing…so we pull over and literally jump out of the car. It was at this point where I was legitimately worried for my life. We were in the middle of the woods, on a hill, with a broken car, no cell phone service, and by now it's midnight…yeah, this was bad. I was also partially convinced the car was going to blow up.

And then in an unforeseen plot twist, I managed to save the day. We were trying to figure out what the heck to do when I tried to look at my maps on my cell on a whim…and it loaded. What? It had us located. Okay….so I type in the name of the bed and breakfast, not knowing the address…and it loads. Oh man, the GPS on my phone is working!! The transmission had cooled down some, so we very carefully climbed back in the car, trying to follow my GPS. It took us another 40 minutes of nowhere-ness…up to the point where the road was only wide enough for one car, barely even enough for our van. And about a hundred "are you sure we're going the right way?" to which I could only respond "…no?" And then there was a rabbit in the middle of the road, so we slowed down…and it stopped. So we move forward and it moves, then reverses, then stops and we were all going crazy and screaming for the poor rabbit to get out of the road and not meet it's death at our hand. It's probably relevant to mention that this is also where Beatrix Potter lived, so that probably fed into that….and the inn appears. Miles away from absolutely everything. We pull in, I shut the navigation off, and then look in the corner of my phone to see that it had just now switched to no service whatsoever.

The really crazy part? When we headed back into town today with a better sense of direction, I had no service for at least 5 miles away from the place. There's no way my GPS should've lasted that long. And so that's the ridiculous story of how Rachel saved the day. 📷

(the fact that is left out of that story is my phone gps only worked because I went ahead and switched my data on, which resulted in a $600 phone bill, but I deemed it was in fact an emergency and my dad had no issues paying the bill, so it all worked out)

[snowdice]

Goblin Brain Study Session Fic 1 [Day 46]

Because I don’t want to just have walls of text for my Goblin Brain Study Session posts, I’m separating them by days. If you want to read the previous chapters, click the links below. Chapter 17 and what’s done of Chapter 18 is under the cut.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16  My Master Post

See this post for more details and feel free to send me asks to keep me going! It’s been a lot of fun so far! I will reblog this post with the story as I write them today. Also, if you’re interesting, don’t forget that I am constantly updating the timeline as I write. :)

I am still very tired and do not want to study today, but I need to. Ugh.

Chapter 17

“Aw, come on kiddo,” Patton beseeched doing his absolutely best not to laugh at the adorable discontent expression on Anxiety’s face.

“You murdered all of my cows,” the boy grumbled. “All of them.”

Patton did giggle then. “That’s the game.”

“You knew!” Anxiety insisted. “You knew the cemetery was there, didn’t you? You’re familiar with this highway. That’s why you let me take the 150 cows you cheater.”

Patton didn’t bother to deny it. “All’s fair,” he said instead.

“You’re the worst,” Anxiety shot back. “Why don’t we play a game I can win.”

“Like what?” Patton asked, curious.

“Like…” he said. “Like, let’s play a game where whoever’s youngest wins.”

 Patton chuckled. “Well I guess you’ve got me beat there.”

“Or a contest to see who has the straightest hair.”

“Sounds like a fun game, but we’d have to wash both our hair just to make sure neither of us are cheating.”

There was a pause and Patton glanced over at him.

“Aw!” he cooed. “Do you secretly have curly hair too?”

Anxiety groaned.

“That’s adorable!”

“Is not,” he grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. “It ruins my aesthetic.”

“Aw, stop being so grumpy, kiddo.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t be if you hadn’t murdered all of my cows.”

“I sure did kill the moo-d, huh?”

 Anxiety groaned. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“…Carjac-”

“I know, I know,” Anxiety huffed. Patton smiled over at him and reached over to ruffle his hair. “Ugh, stop! No!”

“I want to see the curls!” Patton teased as Anxiety batted him away.

“You’re lucky I don’t have the god damned knife.”

“Excuse me, was that a bad word Mister?”

“Ugh,” Anxiety groaned.

“I will turn this car around,” Patton threatened.

“Oh, yeah,” Anxiety said. “That’s what would make you stop driving. Silly me. I’ll try not to use the grown-up words.”

“See that you don’t.” Anxiety just shook his head and turned the radio up a bit to ignore him.

 “The cows have been cleared up,” Anxiety noted.

Patton hummed. “Do you want to get on the interstate again?” he asked. “It would be about 10 minutes faster and I’m sure if anyone was tracking us, we lost them in all of that.”

“Sure,” he agreed. “I don’t see why not.” Patton nodded and took the next turn back onto the familiar interstate.

“So,” Patton hedged once they were back on the main road. “We’ll be there soon. What are your plans once we get there? Nothing in particular,” he rushed to say when he saw the kid frowning. He was a secretive little thing. “Just, what do you want me to do?”

 “Oh, um,” he said, playing with the edges of his hoodie sleeve. “I don’t know.” He paused. “You can leave if you want.”

A smile flickered across Patton’s face. Not likely kid. “Well, I’m not going to leave at least until I make sure you’re with someone.”

“Thanks,” Anxiety said softly.

“I’m with you all the way Anxiety.”

“I still don’t understand you at all.” Patton just shrugged and smiled. “Also, you can call me Vee.”

“Ooo a partial name,” Patton said. “I’m moving up in your esteem.”

“I didn’t say that,” Vee snapped back. “My name might be Bob for all you know.”

“Right,” Patton agreed. “Of course. Bob. My bad.”

 That caused Vee to smile though he seemed to be fighting it. After a few moments, the smile faded, and he started playing with the strings on his hoodie. “You’ve got to get back to your family though, eventually,” he said.

Patton shrugged, not mentioning the fact that they were literally driving towards his brother this very second. “They’re all adults who can more than handle themselves. My brother’s older than me and the twins have him. You need me a bit more right now.”

Vee thought for a moment, still rubbing his fingers over the frayed edge of the hoodie string. “I have an older brother,” he offered.

 “Oh?” Patton asked.

“I tried to call him earlier after my uncle,” Vee said. “He didn’t pick up.”

“Well, I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation for that, just like with your uncle.”

Vee bit his lip. “I don’t know if…” he said, “if he’d be on my side in this or not.”

“What do you mean?”

Vee looked away out the window. “Our mom’s the one who killed my dad,” he said quietly.

“Oh, honey,” Patton said softly. “I’m so sorry.”

“So, I don’t know if my brother would side with her or not. I don’t want to think he’d hand me over to her if I went to him, but…”

 Poor kiddo, Patton thought. He wished he could say with certainty that his brother wouldn’t do something like that, but Patton didn’t know enough about him to know for certain. He hoped not. “I’ll help you figure it all out,” Patton promised. “I’ll make sure you don’t have to go with your mom.”

Vee snorted. “I don’t know what you can do, but thanks for the sentiment.”

“Oh,” Patton said. “I think I could do a thing or two.”

“Sorry,” Vee said dryly, “but your reaction to a carjacking was to get me ice cream.”

Patton laughed lightly. “Good point.”

 “I really don’t want to go with my mom, but I don’t think the cops would listen to me,” Vee said. “She’s technically my mom even though I’ve never even spent the night at her house. Does this make her my legal guardian now?”

“If she’s the one who killed your father, I doubt people would let you go with her.”

“You don’t know mom,” Vee mumbled. “I’m sure no one will even think to try to arrest her for that, let alone convict her. Would they let my uncle be my guardian even if she isn’t arrested?”

“They’d be willing to do that I’m sure. Especially since you’re already 15, anyone would listen to your opinion on where you live.”

 Vee look at least a bit relieved at that. “So, you like your uncle then?” Patton asked.

“He’s great,” Vee said. “He lived with us when I was really little. He always made me eat my vegetables and helps me out when I’m anxious. He’s a psychiatrist so he knows his stuff.”

“I have a friend whose brother is a psychiatrist,” Patton said. “I’ve never met him, but Logan sends people to him when they need mental health care. It’s a big help for a lot of them.”

“Yeah,” Vee agreed. “It wouldn’t be too bad living with him. I guess.”

 “Well I’ll make sure you end up with him and not your mom, okay?”

“Sure,” Vee replied.

Patton shot him a half smile and they continued driving for a few minutes before he exited the interstate. “We’re almost there” he told Vee.

Vee bit his lip. “I hope this wasn’t a stupid idea…” he said.

“Oh, I’m sure it’s fine,” Patton said. He flipped a switch on near his steering wheel that would open the gate for them a few seconds before said gate came into view. He drove up the driveway and chose to park in front of the factory building instead of trying to park in the underground parking garage which would certainly freak Vee out.

 “Just looks like a creepy abandoned factory,” Vee commented, eyeing the old concrete building with its boarded over windows. “It’s almost too perfectly abandoned,” he said, eyes narrowed. Smart boy.

“Ready?” Patton asked.

Vee still looked nervous, but he nodded determinedly after a moment and exited the car. Patton followed him. He let Vee lead the way up the gravel path to the entrance of the building. He studied the door for a couple of minutes and then pushed it slowly open. Patton was sure at this point that someone downstairs had probably noticed them and would come up to greet them soon.

 Vee was looking around himself with suspicious eyes. “Okay,” he said. “What do we do now?”

“Probably just wait to see if anyone comes to meet us,” Patton said.

Vee started poking around a bit. “It’s pretty clean for an abandoned factory,” he said.

“Mmhmm,” Patton replied.

He considered a couple of panels near the door and Patton observed him, curious about what he’d do. He made a startled noise when one of the panels came off. “Oops,” he said. He peered into the hole he’d just made. “Well… that’s not good. Whoever put that camera there is probably not going to be happy with me.”

 Patton had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. He would not.

Vee set the broken panel back against the wall. It hung off of it awkwardly. “At least we know there really is someone here and it’s not just an abandoned factory.”

“That is good,” Patton agreed. Just then there was a soft ding which Patton identified as the hidden elevator the room over.

Vee’s head shot up to look in the direction of the sound, and the boy shuffled closer to Patton.

Logan himself rounded the corner after a moment and looked over at them with his lips pursed and looking especially cross. “How is it,” he asked, “that you always do exactly what I need you to do in the most irritating and inconvenient way possible?”

  Chapter 18

Janus had a couple of seconds to regret every decision he’d made in the past few hours before Roman’s car hit the water. He’d managed to brace himself enough to not go flying into the front seat, but he still was jerked around by the impact. The airbags in front went off when they hit which was just his luck, and the car immediately began to fill up with water.

Roman and Remus were already struggling to get the airbags out of their way and Remus reached over to release Roman’s seatbelt since he hadn’t been restrained himself. Janus jerked over towards the window to try to roll it down.

 It rolled down about 1/8th of the way before the automatic system gave out and the window got stuck. Janus took a split second before he dove for Remus’s bag and grabbed out a hammer and swung at the window, shattering it in two goes.

Roman and Remus had already noticed the broken open window, and so Janus went ahead and pushed himself out of the window and towards the surface. He immediately noticed that there was a figure swimming towards him through the water and tensed for a fight assuming it was one of the people who had been chasing him.

 He struck out with a fist, still half blinded by the water in his eyes. There was a started yelp as he felt cartilage snap under his fist. “Hey! Fuck!” the figure said in response. “Janus!”

Janus blinked the water out of his eyes as the familiar, if slightly distorted voice sunk in. “Lena?” Janus asked as Remus popped his head out of the water next to him. She glared at him, holding her nose with one hand and treading water with the other. “Shit, sorry.” Remus seemed to notice what was happening and swam forward to give her a bit of support.

 Roman popped up, sputtering a moment later and smacked Janus across the face.

“Karma,” Lena spat.

“How are you even here?” Janus asked, rubbing his nose.

“Everyone went dark and Logan sent us to go figure out what was going on,” she explained. “Then we saw Roman’s car in a high-speed chase and followed you.”

“Speaking of!” Some other guy’s voice called from a few feet away. “Can I get a bit of help?” One of the men from the other car had popped up out of the water and he was currently wrestling with him.

Remus stayed to help Lena out of the water, but Roman and Janus both swam over to help the guy with Lena drag the first guy from the other car and then the second one out of the water.

 “Fred,” the other man with Lena introduced himself while he and Janus trussed up the men from the other car.

“Janus,” Janus answered.

“I figured,” Fred replied.

Janus gave him a confused look.

“You were one of the names The Boss was angrily mumbling about this evening.”

“Yeah well Logan can shove it,” Janus grumbled.

Fred didn’t comment, instead he just stood up and looked at the two men tied up on the ground. “Well,” he said. “Lena’s car’s only a 5-seater. Guess you two are going in the trunk. Wanna help me out Janus?”

Janus and Fred hauled the two men into the trunk together despite their muffled protests and Fred slammed the trunk closed.

[fantranslatorbychoice]

Oh glob, what have I gotten myself into? Just some long updates lol XD

Well, the year’s almost over, and it’s already the second half. The first half was too much and to be honest, I had to swim with the circumstances I am in right now so I had to put this passion non-profit project on hold, like seriously. But I did started translating the first few pages as early as December last year, as my very nice benefactor actually sent me the rest of the entire set of the Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi series after sending off the first 4 volumes. Probably read the entire thing first. But hey, free stuff is free so why complain. Plus my benefactor actually got the entire set for a steal, won’t say how much but in Amazon Japan, the last time I checked the whole set is roughly around $150 or a bit around that. and that’s just the first 7 volumes. Probably there’s an entire set now that’s about $200, as the final volume was released around August 2019.

Spoiler alert: the entire light novel series is made up of 10 volumes, so if you read it, the afterword by Yuuma-sensei specifically says that volume 10 is the final one, and Yuuma-sensei feels sad about it.

Yeah I highlighted that part in red, just in case many Kakuriyo fans still have some extreme hunger pangs or are unsure whether the novel series has ended. Here you go, straight from the horse’s mouth. Yuuma-sensei also has another Ayakashi light novel series, 浅草鬼嫁日記, roughly-translated to “Asakusa Wife from Hell Diaries”. Seems fun, they’re literally ogres - Oni living in the real world, like a reverse Kakuriyo thing. Who knows, maybe someday I can score that series too lol. The writer really likes Ayakashi, if it’s not that obvious yet 草 草 草 草  yeah I write kusa lol oml I should stop... But returning to the Kakuriyo series.. I won’t spoil what happened lol but I will probably make a commentary on that once I get the translations up and running.

Which leads me to my next announcement:

I PLAN TO UPLOAD THE DIRECT TRANSLATIONS OF JUST THE INTERMISSIONS/INTERLUDES ( 幕間 ) AND THE AFTERWORDS (あとがき) OF EACH VOLUME.

Chapter 5 is the only complete and full English Translation that I will be uploading here, and the rest will be summarized versions of the chapters plus my translation notes and commentaries.

Bummer, right?

Well, to be honest, after starting my initial translations I ran into several issues which made me feel sucker-punched and added to the stuff I’m worried about:

Issues regarding plagiarism (either my stuff getting plagiarized or potentially being accused of it)

Translating everything actually takes too long, even for me (I’ll explain that later)

More serious issues like possible DMCA-ish complaints (won’t want my hardwork just getting flagged and killed)

Personal stuff piling up and affecting my momentum

To be honest, when I received the books, I was so excited to work with them and upload as much as I can. But lots of things happened one after another, plus the worldwide issue that we have right now, so doing fun stuff wasn’t at the front of my priorities. So at the moment, I am mostly offline, by necessity, like connection is slower and with data cap, so I mostly do my translations with whatever hardcopies of dictionaries that I have on hand, offline. It’s good and all since I can put my skills to the test, but it can be expected that not all of the words are available in the books so I still have to hook on Jisho just to find the missing words I need. So my stuff pretty much looks like this:

I could just take pictures of these and upload them here but the maximum number of pics that tumblr allows is 15, and good glob I have more than 15 pages of translated material. Plus, as you can see above, some parts are untranslated and I had to find them in Jisho once I get online, so right now I have about 50% word-processed with the raw parts cooked, and I only have 12 raw pages remaining to be cooked and hashed lol

Which leads me to my next issues: my slowness (yeah I have to surrender on my slowness) and my fears regarding plagiarism.

I actually only started doing these translations in full blast around 2 months ago, and eventually I had to slow down so I won’t get bogged down since I also do other stuff. But I found out that ploughing through it can get quite draining. I started thinking that fan-subbing and scanlating were easier because aside from working digitally, these were also mostly done in teams so work time gets cut. Well, those were the days lol But for this one, aside from flying solo, I had to use all of my offline resources a lot, like doing everything by hand. It finally broke me about half-way and I had to step away from it, like reaaaaally step away from it. I thought I could finish 50+ pages in a span of a week. Well, I wasn’t exactly wrong there, but I also had other stuff to do, and if I just read it like I would any book without having to do anything, it’s a done deal. But having to translate stuff was draining, I felt frustrated so it broke me. I have to write each page by hand, leave out the words I can’t find or don’t know, and move on to the next page until my body stops working. Rinse and repeat until I could finish about 10 pages and get on with the typesetting and completing the missing parts. That takes a while so I just do my best to be patient.

Then the thoughts of plagiarism popped in and out, like I started thinking how to ensure that my stuff doesn’t get stolen and reposted elsewhere, or worse, getting my site shut down because fan translations are ambiguously illegal, like fansubs and scanlations, and I think those were what got me the most, so I just gave up midway. I’d say ambiguously illegal because if a series or title wasn’t licensed elsewhere then translating it is a fair game. But if it’s already released as a translated version by publishers, then releasing a translated version is like labelled as stealing, even if it’s non-profit. Of course profiteering is the worst, some steal what others work hard for, that they did for free, and sell them off. Scumbags to the bone smh I do my best to be within the fair use thing since I understand how much effort is made in creating content, so at present I have just decided to just put up the intermissions and the afterwords because aside from these being only a few pages long, it’s less likely to get whacked. Plus it’s easier for my psyche to just sum up each chapter and add some comments on it so it won’t be taken down, plus I wont’ be too-attached so even if some nutjobs repost it elsewhere because some people are just unempathetic like that, at least I won’t be as resentful. Plus the afterwords are just so cute, Yuuma-sensei gives off an adorable and relatable vibe, so I feel like aside from just showing off her stories, I think she needs to get signal-boosted too, so people would have an idea on who wrote this hunger-inducing light novel series lol.  I only started to pick up the whole thing again about a week ago, and I still wasn’t fast but at least I got to add at least 20 more pages translated, plus I started to type the first pages and add the missing words so at the very least, I felt some sort of achievement. It gave me some hope, and to be honest I have been doing this to maintain my sanity even for just a bit, so I guess I will do my best to bring Yuuma-sensei’s work out into the world. It’s a really good series, and it got animated into 2 seasons, plus the manga’s out, so that says a lot on how the series caught on. It can’t be denied that it’s a really engrossing series, so I don’t see any reason why this really good series should remain hidden. It probably has a lot of fans but aren’t being too attached into it because of language barriers, and even in my own way, I would like to bridge that gap. I mean, I may have slow internet that can only open mails in basic html but hey, this is the least I could do for the fandom. It’s not like I spew out doujin stuff or anything lol

OK, so summing up this long-ass update:

Chapter 5 - The Mysterious Capital Youto** - coming soon

Will just translate the intermissions and afterwords into English

English summaries of the chapters plus commentaries will be uploaded

Please don’t expect any fast uploads lol it’s not like I do ctrl+A into Google translate and slap it in here. Nothing against doing that but.. uhm, sometimes AI don’t get the nuances translated, and a lot gets lost in translation, so at best, anything done by some trash enthusiast, even noobs can still have some oomph in it that soulless beings can’t even top off. But hey, that’s just my opinion lol

So yeah, there you have it, a long update. Oh, and I changed the name of this blog because I have other raw stuff that I may be able to put here without any fear of being taken down because they’re in the public domain, so they’re all fair game since I don’t get any profit from them anyway and others may also appreciate them too. Hint: One is a series of Japanese classic  fantasy short stories, the other one is a set of instructional manuals on how to write kana and kanji in ballpen and brushpens. They’re a bit lighter so once I get Chapter 5 up I’ll do them as soon as I get rested.

See you all later and thank you for stumbling in this blog. xoxoxo

[kevinbingham]

The story of how white terrorists overthrew the US Government

Originally from here.

WOW. I knew some bits of this, but not all of it with the big picture. It is well worth the read. It’s a 2000 word essay (approximately 4 pages). ________________________________________

@michaelharriot 9:24 PM · Oct 21, 2019 ------ Thread:

A lot of white people were shocked to learn about the bombing of Tulsa from HBO's "Watchmen" while most black people are familiar with the bombing of Black Wall Street.

Even historians mention these events as isolated incidents. ------- Racial terrorism is actually normal in American history but I believe we talk about in the wrong way.  These are not isolated incidents , nor are they rare.

This is the story of how a national campaign by whites terrorists overthrew the US government ------- A few weeks ago, Donald Trump tweeted that there would be a coup if he was ousted from the presidency and media outlets portrayed him as crazy. It it is NOT crazy to think that a race war is possible.

It has happened FOUR TIMES in history. ------- The first race war was the genocide of native Americans. The Civil War was the second. But I want to talk about the third one because it was actually an overthrow of the US government. ------- When we talk about racial injustice in America, we usally start with slavery and then go to the Jim Crow era. But we often forget that there was a period after the Civil War where white racists actually overthrew the government. This is not hyperbole. ------- First, we must remember that blacks were a LARGE part of Southern states right after the World War Wyipipo ((If they can call it "the War against Northern Aggression" then I can call it what I want).

Ala., Fla., Ga., & La. were more than 40% black. SC & MS were MAJORITY black ------- Because racial terrorists hadn't taken black people's right to vote SEVENTEEN black people served in Congress between 1870 and 1898.

All of these were Republicans (We'll get to what happened later). ------- In many states, including Mississippi, 90% of black eligible voters were registered to vote. Part of this was because Union troops were still in the South after the War for White Supremacy (Again, I call it what I want, you call it what you want). ------- And this "black wave" didn't just happen in Congress. It started happening on the local and state level, too. To combat this, white people enacted poll taxes, literacy tests and...

Nah, I'm just bullshitting.  

They just started killing black people. ------- Now history books often mention these incidents as "riots" or "racial violence," but the FBI defines terrorism as acts "inspired by or associated with primarily US-based movements that espouse extremist ideologies of a political, religious, social, racial or environmental nature" ------- In 1866 during the Louisiana Constitutional Convention, ex-Confederates, police officers and regular, store-brand white folks attacked black Republicans in New Orleans. They killed any women, kids & black person they could find.

238 people were killed, most of whom were black ------- Historians estimate the Pulaski, Tenn. KKK committed 1,300 murders during the run-up to the 1868 election.

The same year, in St. Bernard Parish, white Democrats dragged somewhere between 35 and 200 black people from their homes and killed them to prevent them from voting ------- In Opelousas, La.  members of the "Knights of the White Camelia" along with white Democrats killed 200-300 black people and slaughtered 27 prisoners in the fall of 1868.

It happened all over SC. Altogether, 1500 were killed to prevent them from voting ------- One of the things you must remember is that in many of these state, the Union soldiers in charge of upholding the law were black.

Can you imagine how salty white confederates must have been to fight for white supremacy and then have negroes lording over them as a reminder? ------- Not to mention the fact that these black people were now controlling politics. Remember, in many of these states, black people were OUTVOTING these traiterous-ass white supremacists.

Some of them decided to overthrow the government. ------- In Laurens County SC, THOUSANDS of white KKK sympathizers attacked black freedman after the white people's plan to stuff the ballot box failed. No one knows how many black people were killed in the resulting mass murder, but the Governor had to declare martial law in the county. ------- In NC, there was an actual 2-Year war. In the Kirk-Holden war (look it up, it's CRAZY), the army had to come in and fight the KKK.

Racist white Democrats took up arms, ARRESTED the leader of the army (Kirk), impeached NC's governor(Holden) and removed him from office. ------- Ark. had to form a militia to fight the KKK. They basically had to travel across the state fighting the Klan. But they didn't just intimidate blacks from voting, they had another plan: They just assassinated black candidates.

The Arkansas "Militia Wars" lasted almost 2 years. ------- Now, in all of these incidents, NO whites were ever charged, and white, racist Democrats managed to overthrow the will of the majority using violence and intimidation.

But none of those stories compare to what happened to the Original 33 in Georgia. ------- In 1868, a few years before Outkast had their first hit, the citizens of Georgia elected 30 black state representatives and 3 black senators to the state legislature.  

24 were ministers. Y'all know white folks weren't having this: ------- First,  they expelled 26 representatives.

Then they removed the 3 senators.

10 days later, they removed the final "mulatto" representatives from offices.

Then they started killing them. One-quarter of those black elected officials were jailed, beaten or shot. ------- Then, the Ga. Supreme Court ruled that the elected officials had no right to hold office because their  veins held" African or blood."

So the representatives decided to go on a protest march to attend a Republican convention. ------- Now this wasn't just legislators, it was supporters too. You see, a lot of these men had been enslaved, so imagine how proud those black people must have been to see these brave men fighting for their rights.

Of course, the white people were incensed! ------- Knowing this, the black people brought their guns. Of course, during this time, this was perfectly normal... Kinda.

ONE reason these men were elected into office was that, after the Great "Can-I-Keep-My-Slave" War (I call it what I want, dammit!) there was an unspoken rule: ------- Knowing this, the black people brought their guns. Of course, during this time, this was perfectly normal... Kinda.

ONE reason these men were elected into office was that, after the Great "Can-I-Keep-My-Slave" War (I call it what I want, dammit!) there was an unspoken rule: ------- So, to combat this, one of those state senators reportedly had FOUR HUNDRED armed guards with him. I guess he figured that they couldn't ask each one individually but we know the whites don't play by the rules. ------- Remember, these people were walking 25 miles to a POLITICAL rally, when they encountered a white "citizens committee."

Now, if you're white, that might not sound scary, but trust me, black people know that ANY white person who refer to themselves as a "citizen" is up to no good. ------- So the citizens committee told the black people to hand over their guns, which the black crowd refused. The white Democrats were like: "aight, we tried," and let them past.

The black people thought: "Damn, that was too easy. If I know white folks, they are up to something." ------- Of course they were.

A little further down the road, in all-white town of Camilla, the sheriff had deputized damn near all of the white "citizens" and handed out guns.

When the black legislators and marchers came through, they massacred them ------- But they didn't just stop there. For WEEKS white Democrats roamed the Georgia countryside beating, murdering, lynching and killing any black person who even looked like they might vote. ------- Some of y'all know this, and some of y'all don't but in the entire history of America, this was the ONLY non-wartime incident  that the President of the United States suspended the constitutional right to Habeas Corpus (the right to be detained without being charged with a crime) ------- That's right. A white supremacist army is the only army that ever defeated the US army.

In 1874 the FIVE THOUSAND members of the Democratic "White League" literally overthrew the Republican Lousiana Governor in the Battle of Liberty Place. ------- In Colfax, La., the same year, the White League killed 150 black people and assasinated Republican candidates

The same thing happened that year in Coushactta, La.

So why do I say the KKK won?

Is it a bit extreme to say they "overthrew the government?" -------- Well, not only did these terrorists use violence to oust democratically elected candidates from office but they changed the course of history.

In the 1876 election,  racist Democrats cheated so bad that the Electoral College was basically disbanded. ------- For instance, SC stuffed the ballot box xo bad that 101 percent of eligible voters were represented. In Fla and Georgia, they just created their own ballots. Some of the Southern states just REFUSED to give Republicans their electoral votes, regardless of the results. ------- Instead, Congress decided to let a 15-member group go into a back room and decide what to do (It's a little more complicated than this, but not really. They LITERALLY let some white men decide who would be president because of this racial terrorism) ------- And Rutherford B Hayes was declared the winner 185 electoral votes to Tilden's 184

And to make up for a Republican president, Congress and Hayes agreed to do 5 things:

1. Put a Democrat in the cabinet (Hayes did it.) 2. Remove the troops from the South (Hayes did it) -------

3. Build a transcontinental railroad through the south (It never happened) 4. Help build the south from an agrarian economy to an industrial economy (Congress didn't do it)

But the fifth item is why I say the racist terrorists overthrew the government and beat won ------- The South wanted the Congress and the president to assure them that they would not interfere in how Southern states treated its black citizens.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Mr. Jim Crow. ------- Now, this kind of racial violence would go on for nearly a century without federal intervention, all because of "compromise" in 1876 when the racist Democrats overthrew the government.

Oh, I haven't forgotten what I said earlier. ------- You see, in 1948, Harry Truman integrated the armed forces and those Southern racists Democrats hated that. They could see that integration was coming, so they decided to form their own party: The Dixiecrats ------- By 1964, almost every Southern Democrat had switched to the Republican party. Their platform was the same as those racial terrorists from the 1860s: They believed they should be able to do whatever they wanted to black people.

Yes, the South seceded again. ------- 100 years after terrorists started their quest to overthrow the government, no Democratic presidential candidate would ever win a majority of white voters in ANY state again.

EVER. ------- So when Republicans talk about how Democrats used to be racists, they are partially correct. But I don't think of them as Democrats or Republicans,  I just refer to them as "Racist Whites."

Since the beginning of this country, they have never been on the side of Democracy ------- And these incidents have nothing to do with hate. They are an orchestrated terrorist campaign to keep power. Whether its voter suppression or mass murder, they've done it before and they are still doing it.

And that, my friend, is called "white supremacy" ------- *correction: No Democratic president has won a majority of white voters in any SOUTHERN state since 1964 ------- By the way, I’m not some kind of history genius.

I didn’t know most of this information until a few months ago when phone calls with @HenryLouisGates and @AfricanaCarr sent me down this rabbit hole.

Now THEY are geniuses -------

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know i think the main reason that i believed that i couldn’t possibly have adhd (before it became a topic on here) is because some of the people i knew who definitely have it or possibly had it/have it are guys.

the first person i met with adhd was one of my guy friends in my group at public school, who had to give his meds to the office and go there at certain times during school to take them to help him focus throughout the day. he was the hyperactive type.

there was another guy friend in that group who had adhd as well, who always said his constant interrupting of our ancient history class and his needing the social worker who would come to class with him some days was because his having adhd. now if this friend talks to me he blames his adhd on why he hates everything in life and “why just why did i never try in school and you have to fix that for me” basically becomes the main gist of every convo with him.

also i think maybe a couple of guys at catholic school in high school had it too, but the school was much better at hiding it because we had a semi well supported special ed department; so sometimes those boys would head down there and not be in a mainstream class. but if they were in a mainstream class a lot of the time they weren’t in my classes (especially in english) but instead in the bottom class. but they were defs in my maths class because two guys (one of which i thought had absolutely nothing wrong with him but now i think he could’ve actually had adhd- but if i’d thought that in school i thought he was “faking it” somehow so he could be with his friend so he didn’t feel alone in class with a special ed teachers aide).

but somehow i managed to get through high school and uni... albeit falling out of postgrad. although i don’t exactly help pay bills at home (because my dad excuses me from doing it by saying to “save your money” even though i feel like i should be paying at least some form of rent or helping with the bills) i still do buy my own groceries and stuff at the chemist. but sometimes i go overboard with buying shit on afterpay, mostly in the form of impulse buying clothes.... and i was doing this frequently during undergrad uni and postgrad... as if the clothes would fill a hole in me or something and especially after turning in an assignment and when i’d received the assignment back. it got pretty out of control. like once i spent $150 on a vibrator and during on campus uni i was spending like $150 some pay weeks on clothes i didn’t really need except to show off on campus. and this was BEFORE afterpay and other “buy now, pay later” programs were a thing. like wtf did i need to spend $150 on a fucking asos brand trench coat???? ridiculous.

it was the same with tumblr. i remember once throwing a fit because the internet wasn’t working or some shit so i couldn’t use tumblr for a few days. like how stupid is that??? i was even using tumblr during classes in uni, and that creative writing professor i had in 2017 called me out on that during one lesson... being all like “why on earth are you on social media during my class, gwladys?” and i glared at him bc tumblr was basically my entire social life. and i’ve written before about how engrossed i’d get in clearing out my blog archive and likes archive on here, that is do it until 3am without realising how time had really gone by. and it got to the point that i was doing this during my classes (both lectures and tutes) and in my breaks at uni. like it was BAD. that i couldn’t not think about it. i’d also obsess over notes as well, if i made my own posts (and i admit that i still do that).

there was also further back in 2012 and 2013 where i was so stupid jealous at the people who i considered to be “popular” at school would get 50 likes on just one status about something as pointless as “i’m making toast 🍞” or something as equally banal and pointless. so instead i got bitter and started “an experiment” where i’d study who was online and how many people were online at a certain time of day (like 8am before school, 1pm while we were at school, 6pm at dinner and then like 10pm at night before bed) and post my statuses then to see how likes i’d yield on those posts and if it got close to 20-50 likes over the multiple posts. sometimes i was lucky to get to like 10-15 likes on one status at once, and those posts made me feels vaguely successful. finally, sometimes i’d post the same status posts on here to see which social media platform would give me better results. like it was super weird.

then even further back in year 10 i got fixated on getting over the “liked pages limit” on facebook which was somewhere around like 5,000 or something. so i’d spend hours upon hours on end liking pages.... some of which i deeply regret liking when they pop up in my feed for the first time in like 10 years 😂😂😂 then sometimes my friends would post on my wall to be like “DUDE HOW THE HELL DID YOU LIKE *enter stupid fb page title here* AND 645 OTHER PAGES????!!!!” THEN as far back as year 8, i obsessed over the word count (until i finally found it was about maybe 1200 words??) on one of my best friends myspace forum pages where i’d post really fucking weird messages to her sometimes about my week and stuff, when she went overseas for 5months.... and then i turned the word count cut off thing into a competition with my other best friend bc she couldn’t figure it out and i refused to tell her the word limit 😂.

i also did the above with texts on my phone as well, and especially with my web slider phone; because that would constantly conk out when i’d write like 20page messages to my friends. i’d throw it against my bedroom wall and cry when it decided to conk our during those absolutely stupidly long messages. looking back, i don’t blame it for doing that when the phones memory was literally only like 2gb (😂😂) and i’m sure a 20page message would take up like 645 megabytes of that lmao (ok probs not but you get my point lmao). like i basically had zero filter and would write novel length messages to people.... which i still do tbh based on who i’m talking to. i just don’t know when to shut the fuck up. and that’s the same on here lmao.

anyway. this is just another musing on how maybe i could have adhd and i’m not self-diagnosing at all. but it’s stemmed from going through my posts again and people saying that i should probs get tested for adhd bc my behaviour possibly sounds like adhd in girls/women. but the problem is i’ve only ever known guys with it.

anyway don’t reblog this please and i’ll probably delete this post soon.

i just needed to vent again.

[shytiff]

Small Dec Wins

i cant believe its December already tf?!?!?!

1 - poli KIA today. saw a mother who cant feel the movement of their baby. the senior midwife tried to find the baby’s heart beat but not finding it. she said she hopes she were wrong. fell asleep at 3pm-ish, woke up super hungry. ate. i swear i feel like my weight when i measured it this morning was ~52, but after eating its close to 54 lol. eating banana and chocolate nextar is yummm. dalbang today is hella funny as always and suuper endearing. fell asleep after dalbang, didnt study hufttt

2 - today im at igd but joined azkia at vk for a bit to see partus. its not that im scared (maybe not consciously) but when the mom was being stitched i felt lightheaded, nausea, cold extremities, and i even had to squat multiple times because i couldnt stand. But i felt better after the partus so maybe seeing it was the cause. I did not feel scared at all honestly ._. and i’ve seen multiple partus before. i dont know why. i can literally feel my symphatetic tone giving out lmaoo. tried matcha latte with Cy matcha powder. it tasted more milky and grassy. mom thought it tasted like nori. i prever cocodeli alll the way (although Cy is cheaper). i think it also has a bit of caffeine that made me feel awake like a normal person should be. 

3 - today is vk but there’s no patient so thank god i saw sumn yesterday. did some cicil ukmppd in the morning accompanied by matcha latte. tried to order dufan tickets and i couldnt find my damn ktp...... fell asleep after worrying about said ktp

4 - matcha latte in the car, swab at lmk, went to dufan by tj with willy, had quite some funn with atikah nila willy amel pupuy. first time trying kereta misteri, quite fun. it rained after ashar so we didnt ride anything after that. turns out my ktp was at barel’s fotocopy lmaoo thankyou ara for picking it. went to solaria ancol afterwards, picked up by mom. i didnt tell her in the morning that i was going to dufan lmao. plenary @ zoom 19 pm. rapat nemo. fell asleep.

5 - went to lmk by tj to surprise clara. went back home and fell asleep. didnt rly do anything afterwards because this ragged body gets tired easily and i dont eat much recently. i can feel the difference before and after eating and there’s actual energy after eating. its not that im hungry though, but i feel less energized. felt annoyed terrible and just wanna lay in bed (this is unrelated with the less food in my system). even though i met up with friends

6 - after LOTS of sleeping i feel somehow better but not to a ‘normal’ amount. watched kimbab family videos. did power vinyasa by doogether with fianti. took a shower and ate indomie and i felt quite normal, except i slept again wtf. i thought i would have the second half of the day but nah. did self tryouts with fianti, 150 FDI questions. I got 96/150 right. huft. such a great reality check

7 - poli lansia with dokter isip, matcha latte in the afternoon rly helps me not sleeping the day away, packed up for depok

8 - poli umum with dr gita (helped doing phys exam), packed the rest of my stuff, ate some risol and matcha lattteee in the car, took swab results, picked up hazmats etc, zoom discussion with FT PKM Kalideres (dr gita) on the way, and i finally arrived at tamel. dinner is granola with vsoy. Taste like a slightly wet granola bar, nutty fiber-y vibe

9 - walked in ui with ara, managed to jog from the trees near st ui until kuburan bikun wow. i reached that point where my leg and heart were going in a steady unburdened pace and my willpower to keep going on was tested. tried the signature steak in Double U Steak by Chef Widi, while ara tried ribeye. the ribeye was more tender than the signature. but the seasoning in the signature is quite delish, salty and oily without being too much (like futago ya). read poppyland fast pass from ara’s phone omg season 1 is finally complete! went to coftof (omgggg i miss this place), it looks different now. ordered matcha latte and it tasted weirdly like a soy milk although ara doesnt feel that way. the matcha tasted weird. wont repurchase. read chainsaw man, its so entertaining, funny and deep at the same time. denji mess around and be too naive sometimes but hes lowkey hot lmaooo. aki is lovvvvve.

10 - first day at rsud budhi asih. had moesli combined with granola + vsoy for brekkie. went back to tamel at 3 pm. it rained when i got back. bought warteg lugina worth 32k. walked to sbux for tumbler day its been a while since i had their matcha latte. it tasted quite good, but not as good as i remembered (?) maybe bcs i asked for non fat milk. sbux closes at 8 pm for now hikss

11 - left tamel at about 7:10 and arrived on budhi asih at 08:54 yalll the traffic. Icu. Bought eatlah double and ate the salted egg part. Nap. ICU discussion with dr Dedi @8pm. I presented from my phone to save data hehe,,

12 - woke up at 8, eatlah brown butter for brekkie, symcard, saladstop's caesar salad for lunch (quite 'eneg' because i didnt eat the cheese evenly so the chicken and cheese were eaten last after the vegs are out. The vegetable's not that variative, and the non vegs make the salad taste delicious (albeit maybe not THAT healthy). Evening jog @UI and i realized i can get wifi sitting near the lake n library. Stared at the night sky from my room, i swear the sky seems super clear. Saw tiny fireworks in the distance

13 - ate muesli and saladstop’s banana walnut cake, symcard, bought moon chicken and saladpoint. lunch was egg salad and the wings. the original tasted so good like??? maybe i havent had msg for a while. also tried big bang, not too spicy which is nice. cicil ukmppd. put my laundry at buih barel lmaoo. try out with fianti. got 70/100

14 - breakfast was salad and leftover chicken. today was bangsal with angga armand. the geriatric patient has a loud murmur yall (and scoliosis, so much that the heart looks distorted). went to margo city to see sales, but when i think about it id rather just thrift stuff lmao. bought lugina. slept through kuliah guru besar. writing this in yellow truck coffee, that had 2 customers on the 1st floor including me. tried banana milk. yall after trying to drink less sugar the beverage tasted super sweet. my headache just goes away. sugar is magic but unhealthy whyyyyy.

15 - igd siang with indah. This body sure is frail. Did cbd with dr afifah AND rescheduled pleno. Rip mobile data i have to use for hotspot.

16 - ok today. Inserted goedel and did bagging. I bagged the patient the wrong way at first (too much). Thankfully the nurses were kind and taught us a lot :) watched some bts content. I feel like after reading househusband my tiktok page is now immensely funnier. Dalbang is also hilarious as always. Put on ginseng sheet mask (smells quite strong)

17 - bangsal. snacked on fried chicken. matcha latte starbucks (turns out its quite full here) and liqo about keeping our tongues in check

18 - arrived at icu. And then opened line. Turns out hadin's swab is positive, so agung kak iman and me have to isolate and swab. So i went back. Ordered kanayam chicken and fish and tempe. Nasi liwet tasted goood damn. Sleptt in the afternoon. Pleno at 4 pm (entered the room 4:30). Had no motivation to do anything. Azkia is getting married! Spent 20 mins formulating words to congratulate her lmaoo

19 - osce simulation, kak nanu was so kind and encouraging. Did try out solid. Lunch is fish bite pasta with melted cheese (cause i had to reach the minimum amount for promo). It got cold so its not that good (pairing it with self made mentai sauce, mixing the mayo and chili, is way much better). Jogged in ui (and searched for wifi). Approached by someone selling haraus coffee (25k), saying that some earnings will be for charity. Its basically sweet. Can barely taste the coffee.

20 - had kanayam for lunch (brekkie is almost always muesli lately). The nasi liwet tasted much better the first time. Walked to yellow truck coffee in the pouring rain. Got banana milk. Saw webinar ksk (electrolyte correction and dr nadhira talkshow). What i got from it is that, dr nadhira is a different person from the first place. Shes visionary, knows what she want and not afraid to reach it. The mindset is different. Even if i try as hard as her, her propensity to growth is different. Cicil ukmppd. Try out with fianti (got 72/100). Talked for an hour about love and marriage and engagements (there are so much of it lately)

21 - leftover kanayam for brekkie, also ate roti salman in cikini st. swab today (met kris, nessa and others). muesli for lunch. i thought my body felt a bit warm, so i decided to find sumn to eat. tried kedai abu bakar’s spaghetti brulee. its okay. maybe because its not too cheesy or meaty, mainly bechamel sauce. the one pupuy made is much tastier. finished the whole 10x20 portion in 2 eating sesh. cicil ukmppd @ bed in the evening (somehow felt refreshed enough to be able to concentrate in bed)

22 - went early to icu to put dops form. lugina for early lunch. i feel like my metabolism is faster? or my body is not so much in calorie deficit mode anymore and it got greedier lmao i used to just ignore hunger but not now, for health. starbiiies tumbler day. ordered black tea latte with non fat milk and vanilla syrup (because raspberry syrup is no more). did cbd geri ppt. 

23 - finally knew the swab result bcs kak iman asked kak farras. thankfully negative. igd with jordi. quite a few chances to do iv line, but i failed 2 times. managed to do iv injection to insert 2 drugs. saw the worst cpr ive ever seen in my life. its too slow, with maximal interruption. fish bite for lunch. wasted the rest of my day

24 - originally intended to run but i cant bring myself out of bed. packed up my stuff. picked up by mom. got the paper result of swab, got ksk from kelvyn @ capitol. can finally drink self-made matcha latte again, but it tasted horrible. i know cy matcha doesnt have that much going on, but even this is low even for them. previously i was starting to get used to the grassy smell.

25 - my lil bro remarked “maybe shes depressed because she doesnt have her chair”. fuck yall. this “depression” that im in is caused by this very place and the people. and im supposed to still muster the strength to study for ukmppd AND get my face together for solid book photoshoot. that shit is too much. this is why the money that goes to cafe, and the bike ride there is worth it for my sanity. after showering, things felt a bit better. had absolutely no will to study today. ate muesli with a bit of matcha latte.

26 - muesli for breakfast. matcha latte is lyfff ive probably said this before but it ~somehow~ makes me feel normal and not in a slump. like im a regular person. with normal moods. and not wanting to sleep all the time. i try to do ukmppd exercises but the pace is so fucking slow, bcs im distracted by get rich haha,,,. the latest potn update (64) is omgggg the mixed feelings? love? hate? anger? everything and nothing? the ~tension and passion~? im obsessed. watched a ton of bts content today and yesterday lmao.

27 - nasi kebuli for brekkie. went to flavola, im the first customer lmao. tried kopi susu coklat, tasted quite close enough to janjiw’s kopi soklat. had the same ~improved mood and concentration~ effect. tried to read ksk. bought milky banana 1L from puyo to give dajen (its his bday yesterday) (i feel prompted (?) to gift people when theyve given a present to me) (because my love lang is not gift giving at all so i barely think abt gifts lmao). talked with sum 33 ipa guys @ dajens house. yay appropriate amount of social battery charging. tryout with fianti, padi this time. got 67/100. 

28 - ate muesli with matcha latte after breakfast. cicil ukmppd. Listened to yoongi's vlive until i fell asleep lol. 2 burger and salad for dinner. omggg hansol revealed his gf. 

29 - spent half of my day tidying up the mess that is my room. figured out what to wear for solid book photoshoot with fianti, ara. matcha latte terosss. phd for dinner. 

30 - breakfast is muesli with cimory choco hazelnut. mom made matcha chocolate brownies. tryna study. slow pace terosss. read some padi materials. dalbang.

31 - bought vsoy low sugar and multigrain. moved my body a bit to youtube videos. showered. felt better. it also rained (which i love). the pleasant mood only lasted til the evening. did nothing from 7pm even though im not sleepy. cant tell when did i start to sleep

and just like that, 2020 kkeut. its sad to say i dont rly remember much remarkable things this year. other than the trip and memories with minor rotation friends. i just remember wasting my life away in my house. i guess that’s the danger of living a monotone life. sometimes you gotta invest some time to have fun, to have motivation to live on and do things. not doing this makes it difficult to live day by day. and friends. meeting friends, seeing new stuff. that helps me live.