#i knew they had based them on us in previous editions but come on

[livelaughlovesubs]

Nini, what about vampire Fyodor x vampire hunter reader (〜^∇^)〜 like you’ve been assigned to hunt down and bring the head of Fyodor Dostoevsky to uhh.. a king idk.

So you track Fyodor down and instead make a deal with him. You won’t kill him and actually let him feed off you and he lets you fuck him (ゝз╹)

At first he’s hesitant. A well ranked hunter coming to him and proposing a friends with benefits arrangement sounds pretty suspicious, but hearing the offer that you let him feed off you makes him agree since it’s an easy meal and he was planning on betraying you later on.

Thats until he’s bent down on all fours and being pounded like wild animals in heat. The vampire is so touch starved that he can’t handle the pleasure and tries biting anything he can (let’s just say you were left with a bunch of bite marks) After that experience he traps you in his manor and begs you to stay with him, maybe he turns you into a vampire as well

-🍮

I had so much fun writing this haha, and I had to brainstorm trying to fill in some plot holes

Dom!reader x sub!vampire!fyodor

Warning: teasing, pet name (lil’ vamp), pegging (I use dick), a tiny bit of dacryphilia, biting, hierophilia (blood), vampirism, contract sex

Edit: I think I’m based towards fyodor, this ended up so long again-

You were a mercenary, one specified in hunting down those bloodsucking monsters known as vampires. Your name was infamous among the humans and vampire race, known for your amazing methods and efficient execution. Though you don’t care much about fame, the only good things about it is it lands you many missions. Which is why you’ve been summoned to the castle of a faraway country, one that resides close to a forbidden forest.

These mysterious forests are strictly forbidden due to vampires living within them. It’s always dark and quiet in those places, befitting their taste. So you might think it’s alright if people just don’t go into the woods. Sadly something like that can’t be prevented. There are many valuable resources beneath these trees, and everyone is dying to get their hands on those. The price for material from the forest is also really high, and sometimes that’s the only hope for the commoners.

Even though it’s been agreed upon that humans shall not disturb the vampires for they own safety, your client, the king, wanted to raid the forest. He had his eyes set on the wood planted around the mansion of the monster, it had a beautiful dark colour and was very sturdy. Yet out of fear for the power of the entity, he didn’t dare set a single foot into the woods. That’s when you come into the spotlight, he wanted you, the most famous vampire hunter, to take care of this. Once the vampire is gone, he won’t be breaking any rules, right?

This was a common case for you, everyone used you to do their dirty work. That’s the life of a mercenary, disposable and self-destructive.

You walked through the lavish halls of the king, meeting him in his throne hall. He didn’t spare you more then one glance, shouting loud enough for his voice to bounce off the walls, “y/n, vampire hunter. I have an honorary task for you. I want you to bring me the head of the demon Fyodor Dostoyevsky and for that you’ll be greatly rewarded.”

Despite it sounding grandiose and imposing you knew how to stand your ground, asking for the exact amount you’ll be rewarded and an advance payment. The king on the other hand refused to answer, saying he doesn’t want you to run off with the money. What a joke, your previous feats aren’t just for show after all. There was no helping it, that’s life. You swallowed your anger and left, rolling your eyes as you prepared to set off.

The home of that demon was grande, almost as huge as the castle, he sure loved luxury. You circled around the house to secure your escape route before heading inside, the door opened with a climatic creak. What a cliche, does vampires not know how to take care of their home? Without sparing it too much thought, you stepped inside and called out for that monster, wondering why the ruler knew his name. They must have a long history between them.

“Fyodor! Heyyy, come out, do me a favour and make this easy.” You yelled, and soon enough, a shadow emerged from behind you. Before you got the chance to turn around, he mumbled with grace and elegance, “Y/n, the vampire’s greatest enemy. The one who pulled out the fangs of Dracula with your bare hand, and forced him to drink the blood of his comrades.” A shiver ran down your spine at his voice, it was low and pretty, enough to stir something inside you.

“That’s an exaggeration, I never did such things.” You turned around and chuckled, staring into his purple eyes. Before you stood a black haired young man with a puffy shirt and fitted pants. He wore many silver accessories, tons of necklaces hung around his neck. His appearance was very eye-catching, pretty features and pale skin, sickly so. “…but I may have a record of flirting with the enemy.” After seeing how beautiful he was, you decided to indulge yourself, flirting with him.

He didn’t pay your words any attention, instead he continued with his speech, “Mortal children strived to be like you, while we use your stories to scare the kids.” You stopped, a sense of pride engulfing you from the inside. “My, I am quite famous after all.” Fyodor furrowed his brows, as if he’s agitated, then he relaxed his expression and said, “I knew you’d come for me one day. And, I’m dying to try out your blood.” After saying that, he licked his lips before covering his mouth with his hand.

You laughed, catching him off guard. The sound of your voice was annoying, he felt like you were mocking him. Then you teased, “dear, do you really think you can touch my blood?” That was clearly a provocation, you looked down on him. He clicked his tongue, glaring at you. The moment you blinked, he rushed over to you, planning on taking you out with one swoop attack. You dodged him with ease, commenting, “not bad, but is this all?” And he ignored your remarks once more.

Seeing how serious he was, you’ll have to stop the joking soon as well. To be honest you weren’t in the mood for fighting, which is why you suggested, “How about this, fyodor-” “I didn’t give you permission to use my name.” He snapped, showing his fangs. “…then, lil’ vamp it is.” You chuckled, noticing how that pet name annoyed him further. “How about a deal? I’ll spare your life and you can have as much of my blood as I’m able to give you.” His pointy ears perked, intrigued by this proposal. It sounded enticing, but there’s nothing for free in this world.

“And what do you get out of this?” Fyodor asked, keeping his distance. He wasn’t going to heed the rules of a deal anyway, especially when made with a human. “Allow me to be a bit crude, but I want you to sell your body to me.” The boy froze in place, eyes widened in shock and disbelief. Were you aware of the implications of your own words? Was this another one of your mockery, your way of insulting him? “What makes you think I’d agree?” He questioned you, staring at your face with his scarlet eyes, trying to read you.

“I’m simply proposing a deal, you can decline or agree, it’s up to you.” Somehow you managed to sound unbothered and cheery despite the situation. No matter how fyodor wanted to decline, he knew this was his chance. If you fought with him seriously, he would eventually lose. Now, with you giving him new opportunities, he had to take them and put it to good use. “I’ll accept this for now, so, show me how sincere you are.” The demon demanded, and you answered with, “my pleasure, please show me to your room.”

Who would have known a day like this would come, where he got shoved into his own room, pinned to his own bed and humiliated in front of a human. It didn’t take long until you got him bend over on all fours, face pressed into his soft pillows. Any of his attempts to overpower you were futile, because you were physically stronger than him. That allowed you to pretty much manhandle him, denying him access to your neck. Once you got him into this vulnerable position, you didn’t held yourself back, asking him one last time if your deal still stands. After he nodded, you went all in.

Now you were breathing heavily while slowly entering his hole. His rim was tight and didn’t allow you any entrance, but you stayed stubborn, gently pushing your way in. “You are so tight, lil’ vamp.” You muttered, occasionally glancing over at him to see how well his reaction is. “Nghhh…! S-slow down, it hurts!” Fyodor groaned, cheeks flushed red as he realized the situation he was in, and that he never shared such intimate moments with anyone before. “…if I go any slower I wouldn’t be moving anymore.” You tried to reason with him, leaning down to press your body against his.

“HnnGh… t-then pull out…” He snarled, glaring at you while he felt your skin against his back, pressing him down, reminding him of your presence. How did things turn out like this? Why was he participating in such vulgar acts with his greatest enemy…? “Do you want me to? Then you won’t get my blood as well.” You whispered into his ear, licking his earlobe and the earring he wore. “Ha-haahhhH…! No, d-don’t.” The boy gasped, and you weren’t sure what he meant. But he seems to be enjoying himself, so you continued.

His hands gripped the white sheets with all the remaining strength he had, his ass reddened as he struggled to take you whole. That poor guy’s entire body was shivering, shaking as he tried to get used to this pressing sensation inside him. He could feel you stretching him apart, rubbing against his squishy walls. You smiled as you observed his efforts, one hand clasped over his hand as you intertwining your fingers with his. He had sharp nails, you could even call them claws. So you were worried that he’d poke holes into his sheets.

Your other hand explored his body, trailing down his spine with your fingertips, brushing over his body as if you were caressing a flower. “Hmm..! Uh-uhhng..! It f-feels weird..” It tickled him, yet it wasn’t uncomfortable, at least he thinks it wasn’t. Next, you stroke his silky hair before grabbing his hip and mumbling tenderly, “you are doing good, don’t worry I plan on being nice for today.” What do you mean for today…?

Soon, your hips met with his, and you stopped moving until you were sure he was alright. “Good job.” You said, rubbing his blushing cheeks slightly. Then you held your wrist right in front of him, inviting him to bite you, giving him your approval. Without any once of hesitation, he sunk his teeth into your flesh, sucking viciously. He was feeling so weak from your actions, he needed that replenishment. Since he was distracted, you took that chance to start moving again, making sure to take your sweet time. Well, he looked like he’d break if you weren’t gentle with him. He had such a slim and frail physic after all. Just look at his waist, it’s so skinny you fear you could accidentally break him into two pieces.

Fyodor suck on your wrist, mind getting cloudy from the taste of your sweet blood. It tasted amazing, and it made him feel all foggy inside. As if he was getting drunk on it, addicted even. He made sure not to waste a single drop, lips pressed against your skin while he gulped down more and more of your vitality. Apparently he was so distracted he didn’t notice you pounding his cute ass, not until it was too late. You fucked him slowly but roughly, each time you’d thrust yourself as deep inside him as you could, feeling him clench around you so sweetly.

“HnMnh, nghh…” the vampire only whimpered meekly as he sipped your blood contently, feeling pleasure blossom everywhere inside him. You eventually quickened your pace, now rutting into him without any care in the world. It was instantly met with his mewling, a high pitched noise as he screamed in ecstasy. Fyodor couldn’t pull his thoughts together, tongue hanging out as some tears rolled down his face.

Then you pulled your wrist away from him, saying, “that’s enough for now. If you want more, you gotta work hard.” His eyes bore such a pitiful look as he begged you for more, face melting as he moaned around you, some of your blood sticking to his lips. “Ahhh… it felt so good, I-i don’t wanna stop..” he admit, hands shaking underneath you, his primal urges kicking in, infesting his desires and hunger.

“What is it that you want, fyodor?” The way you voiced his name made his knees go weak, tremble even. He panted heavily, trying to fill his lungs with air, to keep his composure. “I-I want more blood… I want your blood.” You smiled, seeing him so desperate fed into your own desires. And you felt like if you denied him any longer he was going to cry, considering his eyes were getting watery already. “Then come here, lil’ vamp.” You told him and wrapped your arms around his waist, pulling him closer to you as you sat up, positioning him in your lap.

His first response was to whine as he arched his back forwards, legs turning into pudding as his hands shakily let go of the sheets, now clutching your thighs. “Ah-nGhh.. it’s so- so deep inside me.. it’s so foreign..?” Out of nowhere you turned him over, and he wanted to immediately bite your neck, but you covered his mouth with your palm. “Not yet.” As soon as he understood what you wanted, he wrapped his arms around your neck, bouncing up and down your dick like he was in heat. Your hand was still over his lips, so his moans all got muffled as they seeped through, “mHhnff, HnnGh, hmm…!!”

He rode you with fever and need. On one hand because he needed you and your blood on a carnal level, on the other hand due to him starting to enjoy getting fucked by you. After a while you took your hand away from him, now squeezing his waist with both hands, guiding his movements. Fyodor nuzzled against your neck, pleading with you, hoping you’d let him have some of that delicious red liquid again. “Y/n.. ah-huuHhn~ l-let me fed off you..? P-please..♡♥︎～?” You giggled to yourself, entertained and delighted, duty all pushed to the side as you said, “go on, take as much as you need.”

Needless of say, you two shared a long night together, and somehow, both of you ended up in endless love bites. Ops, what’s this? Oh no, his door is stuck! It must be because it’s so old~ oh no, seems you’ll have to stay at the mansion longer than expected… and his impending heat is coming up ♡

My friend send me this after I told them what I was writing haha

[superhaught]

Incurable Cravings (Chapter Four)

Pairing: Regina George x Reader

Warnings: none really, just angsty

Word Count: 2200, Part 4/?

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Continuation of Incurable Cravings series!

Little author's note: I made a small edit to Chapter 2 to fix a plot hole that I created for myself. Regina and Leighton have been living in separate homes for five years as opposed to the original ten.

Regina and reader begin to navigate their first day at school in light of their newfound relationship. Reader learns more about the history between Janis, Regina and Leighton.

Regina’s family was complex. 

You knew that Ms. George used to be married to Regina’s father. Together, they had twin daughters, Regina and Leighton. You were all around 13 years old when they divorced. The resulting custody arrangement was unusual. Ms. George kept Regina and the house, while Leighton went with their dad and moved to the east coast. You vaguely knew that the father, Henry, got remarried to his college sweetheart, who had an older son from her previous marriage. Ms. George kept her maiden name and changed Regina’s last name to match, and has since also remarried and had Regina’s half-sister, Kylie. Regina’s stepdad, from what you knew, was a high-ranking military official. He didn’t see combat, but he was almost never home. All of them seemed to prefer it that way. 

Regina and her stepdad famously did not get along well, so his frequent absence was appreciated by her. And Ms. George enjoyed being able to maintain her independence. She often referred to herself as a single mom, even though she, objectively, was married.

You hadn’t seen Leighton since she moved away, and based on what Regina had said, she had rarely seen her twin either. You were positive that the distance must be hard on them both. Regina and Leighton had always been each other's' best friend when you were younger. They were practically joined at the hip. You remember that when Leighton moved away, Regina didn’t come to school for almost two weeks and she wouldn’t see anyone.

The divorce, and your small friend group falling apart, all happened within the span of a year. And now, as Regina slept peacefully in your arms, you wondered just how much pain she had been carrying.

It broke your heart. 

In spite of your racing thoughts, you eventually gave in to sleep yourself and were able to get a few hours shuteye before Regina’s alarm was going off and waking you for school. Regina groaned and snoozed the alarm once before turning over and curling up against your chest.

You giggled at how cute she was being and took to kissing her head and playing with her hair for those ten extra minutes. You felt her press a few soft kisses onto your neck and then the alarm went off again.

You reached over her and turned the alarm off and then rubbed your palm over her upper arm. 

The blonde smiled and whispered, “good morning…”

“Good morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling this morning?”

Regina yawned and stretched her arms out a little before responding, “better than I’ve felt in a while.”

“Good.”

She met your eyes, “am I remembering last night correctly?”

“What do you remember?”

She hesitated for a moment, examining your expression, maybe considering dropping it, “I remember you saying that you love me…”

You nodded your head, “I did, Gina,” you tucked some hair behind her ear, “I said ‘I love you.’”

She nodded back and bit down on her bottom lip. You could see the anxiety mounting in her through her tensing muscles and rapid eye movements.

“I…” she began.

“Shhh…” you leaned in and captured her lips in a kiss. 

She melted at the contact and let her hand travel over your shoulder and up the back of your neck to hold you close. Regina held you in that kiss for a long while and then just silently nodded again as she pulled away.

“Thank you…” she whispered. 

And thus, only a fraction of your conversation actually  took place out loud. You never really imagined having a bond like that with someone, not after the years you had lost of growing with Regina and Janis as your closest friends. But right here, in this moment, Regina knew without a shadow of a doubt that you had meant what you said. And you knew that she felt the same way about you in return. 

You both took a minute more to play with each other’s fingers as you held hands in the bed. 

The blonde kissed your hand and whispered, “I wish we had time to enjoy more of each other instead of going to school…” 

“I do too, trust me.” 

“I just want this gorgeous body of yours all to myself, all the time…” 

You smirked, “you are such a temptress… but don’t worry, Gina. I’m all yours.” You kissed her cheek and then her lips again, obliging her when she grazed your lip with her tongue to deepen the kiss. You shared a few more kisses like this before Regina finally forced herself to sit up. 

She looked sore and stiff in her movements. You reached out to gently touch her back after she sat up and you asked, “do you want help getting up?” 

“No, no… I’ll be okay. Thank you baby.” 

You got ready for the day together. Regina happily let you borrow some of her clothes that she reserved for wearing only around the house. No one would likely be able to tell that they were hers, not that it mattered to you. 

Ms. George had fixed you both a quick breakfast and offered you free reign of the pantry to make yourself a lunch. 

Regina, with a little bit of encouragement from you, managed to eat a cup of yogurt with granola. 

“I’m gonna go start the car, you coming?” Regina asked you when she finished eating. 

“Yeah, go ahead, I’ll be right out.” 

Regina nodded and left through the front door of her house. You heard the engine of her Jeep start and you turned to Ms. George, who was scrolling Facebook on her phone while eating her own bowl of yogurt. 

“Ms. George?” 

She looked up at you, “what’s up, sugar?” 

“Do you have Leighton’s phone number?” 

Regina held your hand the whole car ride to school and walked inside with you, only dropping your hand once you were in the presence of others. 

Regina saw Gretchen and Karen waiting for her at her locker so she turned to you and gave you a sweet goodbye with a quick, stolen kiss to your cheek before she split off from you and resumed her normal. 

You realized that the two of you hadn’t discussed this part. You didn’t know how long it would be this secret between the two of you, but you hoped not long. 

But you were greeted with your own smack in the face from reality when you walked up to your locker. Janis stood there, waiting for you. 

You took a deep breath, “hey.” 

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, “hey. I want to try this again.” 

She stepped out of your way as you opened up your locker and she continued when you didn’t really say anything in response, “yesterday, I know I approached you about Regina in the wrong way, and I’m sorry.” 

You grabbed one of your textbooks, “thank you. I forgive you.” 

“But… I’d really like to talk to you about this. I saw you leave that storage closet with her. And I saw you go home with her after school yesterday. And, oh my god, you’re wearing her sweatshirt.” 

Shit. Of course Janis would recognize it.

“And? What exactly do you want to know?” 

“I… well, like what are you guys doing together? Are you hanging out again?” 

“I guess we are… yeah. We’re hanging out.” 

“Why?! Why would you do that?” 

“Janis…” your voice betrayed your sadness and frustration. 

“No seriously, come on! You’re one of the only people who knows the truth about what Regina has put me through! I thought you would be on my side!” 

You pinched the bridge of your nose and inhaled, “Janis, it’s more complicated than sides… and, and I don’t know that I do know the truth!” 

“What do you mean? You were at that party! You were there!” 

“I mean, why does Regina think that something happened between you and Leighton?” 

Janis’ jaw dropped, “what?” 

“What happened between you and Leighton?” 

“What did Regina say?” 

“She didn’t say anything specific, only that you hurt Leighton somehow.” 

“I…” Janis clenched her hands into fists, “that has nothing to do with me and Regina! I don’t even… you knew how I felt about Regina… you don’t really think I deserved what she did, do you?” 

“Janis, no. I don’t think you deserved it. I don’t think any of us deserved anything that happened, Regina included. I think we were kids with a lot of complicated feelings.”

Janis stared at you incredulously. 

“Didn’t you guys make up at the dance last year?” 

“No. We didn’t. She was high on pain medication. She didn’t forgive me and I didn’t forgive her.” 

You sighed, “Look, right now, I know that Regina wants me around and I’m okay with putting things behind me so that I can be there for her. But you don’t have to do that. Just don’t get mad at me for trying.”

She stared at you again. 

You closed your locker door, “you weren’t the only one of us who was in love with her, Janis. You weren’t the only one who lost her, okay?” 

You walked away from Janis for the second time, once again, unsure whether you were making the right choices in navigating this whole thing. You couldn’t exactly tell Janis the whole truth about your relationship, not without consulting Regina about it first. But you knew it wasn’t fair to leave Janis completely in the dark either. 

You sat through your math class unable to pay attention to a single word out of Mrs. Norbury’s mouth because you were so caught up in how complicated this all was. 

On your way out, Mrs. Norbury called you up to her desk and you obliged. 

“Hey, you doing okay?” 

You nodded, “yeah, I’m just having a weird week. I’m sorry for spacing out.” 

She gave you a half smile, “look, I know your grades are going to be fine, that’s not what I’m worried about. I just want to make sure you’re alright.” 

“It’s just friend stuff.” 

“Alright, well, just remember that graduation is right around the corner. You need to make sure that you’re thinking about what you want.” She smiled at you as if what she said wasn’t annoyingly vague. 

“Have you told anyone else about your acceptance letter yet?” She continued. 

“No… still only you and my parents know. I’m not ready to tell anyone else yet.” 

“It’s been a few months now, you’ll have to start telling people eventually.” 

“I know… I just…” 

Mrs. Norbury waited patiently for you to finish. 

“It hasn’t really sunk in for me yet.” 

She raised an eyebrow. You knew she was suspicious of your answer but she let it go, “okay. Well, if you need anything, just let me know.” 

You nodded and left her classroom. Your heart was pounding. 

Until yesterday, there was no one that you were overly concerned to talk to about your college acceptance. But now… you’d have to find a way to tell Regina that in just a few short months, you’d be moving to Boston for college. 

You hustled to your next class and pulled your phone out as you sat down in your seat. You quickly started a new message to the number that Ms. George gave you. 

When you left that class, you checked your phone first thing and you had a text back. 

“Is Regina okay?”

You typed your response as you walked, “Regina is okay, but there’s a lot going on right now and I could use your help. I’m sorry to text you out of the blue like this. Your mom gave me your number.”

“So, you and Regina are friends again?”

“Yes.”

“Janis, too?”

“That’s one of the things I wanted to talk to you about… what happened? If you don't mind me asking…”

It took a minute for Leighton to respond. You watched the little bubble that indicated she was typing until her message back finally came through. 

Leighton wrote, “honestly? Looking back, it’s stupid and I’m p sure Regina overreacted.”

Leighton tells you that when you were all kids, Janis confided in her that she had a crush on Regina. Janis begged Leighton not to tell Regina, and Leighton agreed, not seeing any reason to hurt Janis and ruin the friendship between the girls. But sometime later, Regina came to know the truth and talked to Janis and turned her down kindly. Janis was still mortified, but beyond that, she was pissed. Janis assumed that Leighton told Regina and wanted to get back at her for it. Janis knew that Leighton had a big class presentation coming up and she came to school wearing a beautifully pressed, matching white suit jacket and skirt. Janis loaded up her lunch tray with everything that the cafeteria had to offer that would stain and then “bumped” right into Leighton, dumping her entire tray onto Leighton. 

It was petty. It was stupid. It was misinformed. But it made Leighton cry in the bathroom, and that was something Regina couldn’t abide. Regina planned her revenge, and that’s how the spin-the-bottle party happened. Janis embarrassed Leighton, so Regina embarrassed Janis with the best ammo she had in her arsenal.

Next Chapter

[archandshri]

28th June ‘24 - [arch] One Page Limitation??? - My process for Traffic Zine #5

Hello All!

A couple months ago, I got accepted to @trafficzine, a digital anthology of pieces by a large group of artists and writers based on the most recent season of the Life Series. I made this piece back in April, but thankfully I kept some notes of my process. 

Heads up - this contains spoilers for Secret Life :D

We were able to choose our own prompt from a list! For this project, I wanted to push my comic making - especially how to communicate a lot of information in a small space. I went through and watched a few clips from the series to see which prompt would fit a comic and settled on Scott’s death.

As usual, I began by getting some reference images and going ham on some big paper. This gets me excited about the project and helps generate ideas. I go for whatever interests me in terms of medium and subject matter, but I try to use a process that doesn’t let me control too much (in this case brush and ink)

initial sketches for fun and vibes :D

During this, I also took the time to transcribe the scene - I wanted to use the dialogue directly, and see how much I could fit into the single page that I was allowed for the zine.

In these early planning stages I make sure to do warm-up sketches to remind myself of the energy I want to communicate. This also keeps things fun and fresh so I'm not ONLY thinking about page composition and making things 'good'. (the expectation for it to be 'good' kills a project prove me wrong)

Dialogue from the clip + warm up sketches

Next up, I started to plan what panels I have on the page. At this stage, some panels might just be a box with some words, and some may have a sketch if I have a clear composition in mind. This stage is mostly for pacing and plot, so instead of focusing on what the panel and page will look like, I will think about:

what will happen in the panel

it's purpose and

what it will communicate

Sometimes I'll illustrate a string of panels that tell the story and fit them on a page after - but this depends on the project and my confidence with the size of it.

After messing around with these and coming up with a pretty clear direction, I draw a bunch of boxes to see how the panels could sit nicely together. At this stage I might realise I have too many panels, and need to cut a few or come up with a creative solution. Nothing is set in stone at this point.

sketching panel layouts

Now begins the fun! I decide on the layout I prefer and I can start putting planned compositions into the boxes. I often do this digitally, or a digital editing process will be involved.

Once planned, I print these out to do a more refined sketch over. I find that my traditional drawings have a lot more life and character to them than digital ones, so I try to keep the majority of the process traditional, with passes of scanning and digital editing.

I tried a version with her looking out at the distance - ready to face the oncoming battle. But it still felt off. So I turned to my slides to ask myself some questions!!

I tried to think of more things that were working - but I really felt like it was lacking a lot. I was going for this slower emotional feeling because that came more naturally to me, but it just wasn't working for this image. The original clip is quite rushed and chaotic - which would be harder to communicate in a comic format but the challenge interested me. Either way, I knew I wasn't happy with this direction so... i decided to start from scratch! Back to the drawing board!!!

In the previous version, I had cut out a lot of the dialogue, but I decided to go back to the original clip and use AS MUCH as possible. Since passing the bow was my favourite part of that first composition, I really wanted to lean into it as the emotional height and final goodbye before Scott's death. It's a moment to slow down and absorb the vibes :D

I made a list of panels along with their descriptions to refer to when trying to figure out the order of panels. there were SO MANY and it was VERY CONFUSING when they were too small to read.

These thumbnails were super small and would not have made sense without my list, I swear.

I printed this tiny thumbnail out at A4, so I could sketch over it and get a clearer sense of flow. Then began a loooong process of printing out tiny photocopies and rearranging the panels to be legible. It was a difficult balance of communicating busyness while making sure the hierarchy/reading order made sense.

After some tweaking, i printed out an A3 copy to draw my panel borders and text.

Doing this on a separate piece of paper means I don't have to worry so much about messing up the text or borders when drawing the characters. This allows me to be more free and expressive with my illustration.

Woah! Quick trip back in time!! During the thumbnailing process I drew these warm up sketches! I looooved the way the linework came out. I drew this on an A3 piece of paper - and the shocked Gem would, in theory, be one of the smallest panels. So I decided to do a crazy thing.

I touched up the sketch digitally, compiling some of my favourite warm up sketches, some traditional sketches made for the panels, and filling the rest in digitally. Then I printed this image out in QUATERS at A3!! This meant the final sketch layer, printed out was A1!! (aka very large, considering the final file would be at A4, about 8x smaller)

I did this so I could get fairly small detailed lines with my pencil while being quite expressive and firm with my mark-making. Slowly, I dlined all of the panels traditionally and scanned them in. Then I assembled the finished linework on Photoshop, along with the text and panel borders and got to colouring :D

final linework :D

For colouring, I played a little bit with halftone but I found the texture made it feel a bit too busy - the panels are already doing enough. Because of this, I also decided to use a limited colour palette. Here are some images of the colouring process, which I won't go into today.

I'm really happy with how this came out - I think it captures the chaos of the moment, while taking time to linger on the emotion of it. Keeping that bow moment really made it, I think.

I think the last panel is still quite weak. Earlier in the process there was a low-angle shot of Gem about to kill Scott which may have been more powerful, but I think I was struggling with my actual drawing skill when it comes to perspective. A lot of learning how to draw, and in particular with comics, is about knowing where your skills are at, how to utilise them best and how to test and push them.

I'm glad that I started again, instead of finishing that composition I wasn't happy with. It was a tough project but I learnt sooooo much from it, and it's been essential skill-building for.... the current comic I'm working on (stay tuned!!! :0) Thanks for reading this incredibly long post! Go check out @trafficzine and look at all the other cool art Cool vibes and silly men,

Archie :D

[throughgoalsandbaskets]

A Demon's Guide to Anthropology

part: 3

Word count: 657

Tags: use of 'MC's and they/them pronouns, sensory sensitivity on MC's end, written to be seen as sensory processing disorder, written based on my experience with it but I tried to change it to be broader

Word: "sensory"

Beel's time to shine :], also this is genuinely such bad writing I'm sorry, gonna come back and edit this to be better some day lol

★• ——— –– -

Beelzebub is a lot more perceptive than people like to give him credit for. With brothers like his and being an athlete, he has to be in order to know what's going on.

Which is why it doesn't take him long to notice the way that MC shies away from a lot of foods, clothes, and objects. Completely random to the common eye, but Beelzebub is most concerned with the food issue.

It's not like MC doesn't eat, not at all, they're healthy and never skin out on a good, fresh meal, but they're always so odd with what they eat.

Meats are off the table most of the time, which isn't all that bad. A lot of people just don't like meat. But some drinks and a good few veggies and fruits added onto that is what confuses him.

Maybe MC was just a picky eater, which again is fine, Devildom foods are weird to get used to, but it also seemed prevalent in human foods, too. To Beel, it seemed completely random, from a few spicy foods to a few sweets and sours, in his eyes he couldn't find a common connection.

So with a breath, he knocked on MC's door and entered when he was allowed.

Beelzebub wasn't normally so nervous or anxious, but he knew human bodies were delicate and didn't want MC and their odd aversions to certain objects or foods to somehow leave a bad mark.

"MC," he began after entering and shutting the door. The human sat in their bed with their D.D.D. in hand, "I have a question."

Intruiged and curious as always, MC responds.

"What's up, Beel? Something wrong?"

"Are you okay?" MC blinks, a little caught off guard at the vague question. The giant demon stood above them, looking down and vaguely reminding the human of a large dog looking at a toy it was attached to.

"Uh- elaborate?"

"You don't eat some stuff and you don't touch some things."

To their credit, MC understood after a moment, and they tried not to seem rude by the way they gave a laugh and smile, shaking their head.

"Do you mean how I don't like touching certain fabrics or eating certain foods?" The ginger nodded at the question.

"That's kinda common for humans," MC explained, "It's called sensory sensitivity. Some textures feel really bad to touch or to eat, so I tend to avoid them. Nothing is wrong with me, I promise."

Beelzebub nodded in solemn understanding, sitting beside the mortal on the rather Plush and comfortable bedding. In his hands was a small box of cookies he knew they favored a lot that he'd taken with him. It took everything in Beelzebub's power not to tear the box open and have at the cookies himself.

"So you can't have some foods or wear some things because they feel weird?"

MC nodded, though they didn't seem very down about it. To them, it was simply another day like any other, knowledge as common as grass is green and Luke despises anything demonic.

To Beelzebub, though, it solidified his resolve as he passed the now opened box of cookies over, one in hand and another in his mouth.

"What food can you not have? I'll eat them for you."

The serious expression to the previous words caused another laugh to bubble out of MC, and they took their own cookie from the box.

"It's hard to explain, but I'll pass you any whenever they come with a meal I have. Deal?"

Beelzebub nodded and put a hand on MC's head (the demon struggled sometimes with such casual affection and touch with most people, but had recently picked up on simply resting a hand on the mortal's head and leaving it there for a minute), and after a few moments a comfortable silence and sharing cookies, he spoke once more.

"Hell's Kitchen?"

"Hell's Kitchen."

[literaticat]

Are successful authors ever industry plants? Is nepotism big in this industry?

I read about certain authors being industry plants (Alex Aster) but I just don’t understand how that would work…or why they would choose someone that had already published books with underwhelming sales to be their plant?

I understand that wealthy people will always have advantages when it comes to access to higher education and not needing to work to provide for themselves and in turn having more time to work on their crafts. Is there more to it than that though?

I don't really think "industry plants" or "nepotism" are things that plague publishing to an unusual degree. This feels like a conspiracy theory with little basis in reality. So short answers: No, not really, it wouldn't work, that's not a thing, and no, there's not really more to it than that.

Longer explanation:

I guess, sure, as in any industry, there might be SOME "nepotism" around publishing. Like if your mom happened to be a high-powered agent or publisher or author, maybe you'd be more likely to get into the publishing business in some way yourself and get some kind of a boost from your/your family connections. But I don't think that's something that is happening A TON or anything -- because let's be real, for the most part, publishing is not the most lucrative of careers. It's just as likely, if your mom was an agent or editor or author, you'd be like "for the love of god, keep me AWAY from publishing, I would actually like to make money!" or your mom would say, "for the love of god, go to LAW SCHOOL or something!"

Yes, of course, as you say, a person with a lot of privilege/wealth generally probs does have a boost in publishing -- they don't have to have twelve other jobs to make ends meet, they have more time to swan around and go to parties and schmooze, they have more resources, a safety net, etc. But I don't think that is something peculiar to publishing, I think privilege helps in ANY industry. (And, it's also very possible to do well in publishing with ZERO previous wealth or "connections" etc. Plenty of folks do! Many/most published authors never knew anyone in the publishing industry before they were published!)

According to Wikipedia, "Industry plant is a term used to describe musicians who become popular through nepotism, inheritance, wealth, or their connections in the music industry rather than on their own merits." (Obvs we are swapping "author" with "musician" and "publishing industry" for "music" here!) Further,  "Artists described as industry plants often present themselves as independent and self-made, but are alleged to have their public images manufactured for them by record labels." (publishers)

The idea that publishers are out there "creating stars" is kind of laughable and gives them more credit than they deserve. Now, might a publisher give media training to an author so they come across more "polished" in interviews, or push a certain narrative about an author when they are doing a PR campaign? Sure, of course. Might a publisher choose to promote a beautiful and charismatic young author a little extra based on the fact that they are beautiful and charismatic? Probably, yes, tbh. -- but they aren't CREATING the authors out of whole cloth. Those authors still have to like, do the work, write the books, submit the books, edit the books, etc etc.

I don't know much about the author you mentioned, but I just looked up this "industry plant" theory about her and it doesn't really make sense to me.

Nepotism? Her family is not, as far as I can see, involved in publishing in any way, so that's nepotism off the table. Wealth? Is the accusation that she, or the publisher, somehow "bought" her way to popularity? That's just not how that works. It's extremely difficult to "buy" or manufacture virality -- if publishers knew how to do that, I promise you they WOULD do that, but they do not. (Hence why publisher marketing departments trying to Make Fetch Happen via tiktok or whatever other social media doesn't usually work at all!)

As far as I can see, this is an author who had a lot of rejections, decided to make tiktoks, went viral, then the book got picked up by a publisher, got a movie deal, etc. This is a lucky thing, and a somewhat unusual thing, but it isn't totally out of left field or anything, and I'm failing to see where "industry plant" comes into the equation. She got a book deal because her tiktoks went viral and that brought her to the attention of the publisher (and also, presumably, because the publisher thought the book was good/ cool and there was obviously an audience for it, see viral tiktok). She didn't "present herself as self-made" per se -- she WAS self-made in the sense that she wrote a book, and then it got published? And the publisher didn't "create her public persona", because she wasn't connected with the publisher until AFTER the videos went viral.

Basically, I think if people (not YOU, but other people) are out there saying that some author -- especially a young woman author -- is "an industry plant" and only got whatever they got because they are wealthy, or young, or pretty, or a nepo baby, or have a certain background, or whatever it is -- it's likely jealousy, and maybe some misogyny, fueling that kind of talk. Because while sure, any of those things certainly might not HURT an author's chances of becoming popular / successful, they still have to do the work. There has to be A BOOK that THEY WROTE at the end of the day.

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

I'm a hater so I go simplest route for all of swifts song analysis but to be fair, she does too. "You drew scars..." felt, to me, like she was saying "you romanticized my flaws then they got worse after you left." so like, accepting your lovers flaws because you love them for them like a real life regular adult relationship. Then she kind of blames the problems she already had, the scars opening up, on the guy leaving as per usual. She gives me the vibe of someone who thinks a relationship will fix her life then gets mad that it doesn't. Idk she clearly has issues with cheating and men in general but always drops sympathy bait. It's crazy how she's still playing the victim at every opportunity when the people suffering the most are those forced to listen to her goddawful lyrics.

Yep- equally valid and good interpretation. "Drawing stars" could very well mean "romanticizing her flaws" but she never does anything with that theme either. She doesn't mention what the flaws were- or that she has flaws at all. It's more clearly implied that her "scars" are from someone who hurt her without cause- and then this new person reopened her scars also without justification. So how can it be "romanticizing" her past hurts- if she never tells us the rest of the story! (she's just not a good writer- so, ya it's hard to tell what she actually means by it all). Though, it's very much sympathy bait- for how she wants to be viewed as a victim of every circumstance and every interpersonal conflict she's ever had. But also, where is the textual evidence? All of this is extrapolation and conjecture based on what I know about T. Swift as a person- it's just not in the song itself. Ya know?

Edit: addition: It is a fictional song- I'm just saying that Taylor Swifts general attitude about life and relationships impacts the way she writes the song- therefore it shows in the underlying implications of her self-victimizing lyrics and the way she consistently praises cheaters/ says they should be forgiven. Also, when I refer to "her" in the rest of the post- I mean from the narrator's perspective, Betty, as the "her." It's not exactly from Swifts perspective- but I do think Swifts attitude towards life is reflected in the lyrics.

I discussed my perspective on the song is that she is saying the person to which she wants to feel a connection is leaving just because the next line is "I knew you" ("Cardigan" 2020) putting the relationship into past tense. So, as far as textual evidence can stretch, all she manages to say in the song is that the person has left her behind.

She is clearly leaning into the victimization aspect of "I opened up to you and you left anyway, how dare you" type of narration. However, this, and your, interpretation requires innate understanding of Taylor Swift's history and personality. (It's why the song sucks so bad). It can't stand alone- because on its own, when I only rely on textual evidence to tell me about the theme and purpose of the narrative arc in the song- the actual evidence of that "I opened up to you and you left, how dare you" theme is nowhere to be found.

Maybe, if we stretch, and say her line "you put me on and said I was your favorite" could lean into the "indignation" interpretation, because she's mad that someone would leave after saying she was their favorite. However, again she drops the theme- because she never explains why they left, or how anything could have been different.

She does give the line "choose two girls lose the one" yet- it's not fully connected to the previous thematic idea of "I opened up to you and you left anyway" because why is she mad that a cheater left her? Isn't that a cause for relief? Like they are someone else's problem now? I feel like that would be more relatable, anyway, but no she says later in the song that "you'd come back to me." And, why? why is the point of this song that girl feels like she won something because a cheater, and someone who hurt her emotionally, returned to her in the end? What- we're supposed to feel all happy because she "won" the boy over the other girl? It's just ant-feminist propaganda at this point- talking about how the boy picked her so that means she's the "better" girl.

But, also, for the possible thematic point on "love as redemption" which is what I mentioned in my previous post, the theme doesn't connect here either. Why would the love of a cheater be redemptive? Why would we believe that, Taylor Swift, please explain.

It's just not self-refelctive at all. It's really just an incomplete narrative- basically incoherent. It's so frustrating- as someone who has studied and poured over text searching for meaning in context- finding nothing to support any real thematic purpose of any of these metaphors just makes the whole song ring so hollow.

All she says over and over is "I knew you" and also that she feels like an old cardigan. Again, she approaches the conceptual points that she wants to convey- but does them is a clumsy, awkward way that really only lands within her already-bulit audience. Only her own audience is going to understand what she means- because she's built up this mythos-of-self into her greater rhetorical situation.

One of the most important tenets in the study of English Literature is textual evidence. In that previous post, I was doing what is called a "close reading" rather than any kind of application of theory- it all relies heavily on textual evidence and interpretation. I am not necessarily disagreeing with your point, but I am saying I don't personally see the textual evidence to suggest the theme. My teachers all really stressed the importance of making no assumptions- therefore no undue leaps in logic, and simply relying on the text itself to speak. It's how proper argumentation can function- because it's all rooted into meaning extracted only from the literal words on the page- otherwise it all falls to simple conjecture.

Wouldn't want to be caught dead setting up an argument based on conjecture alone. :)

[kinzis-writing]

Only Exception Pt. 4 | Robert ‘Bob’ Floyd

Summary: After almost two years of being together, Y/N had only met Bob’s family once. Turns out the next holiday her boyfriend had off was Christmas and it just so happens that he has an important question to ask the Mitchell girl and the girl has a surprise for him.

Warning(s): mentions of marriage, mentions of pregnancy, maybe a few cuss words, mentions of alcohol, spending time with in-laws (not really a warning but sometimes it should be.), Mentions of sexual activities, mentions of clingy ex.

Series Masterlist: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four 

*Not Edited!* 

*Not my Gif! sorry if I wasn’t suppose to use it.* *Also I got the names of Bob’s family from another post I saw on Tumblr. I am not trying to copy and I would definitely give the person credit if I remembered their name!* 

It had been almost two years since the mission that had Y/N on the highest dose of anxiety medication. Since then, Bob hadn’t been on too many suicide missions. That didn’t mean that he got any free time off work, but neither did Y/N. The Mitchell girl had worked at the base for six months and decided not to renew her contract with the navy. She had actually packed up and moved wherever Bob went. That is why she became a travel nurse; the pay was slightly better than a stationed nurse and she had a contract that allowed her to follow her boyfriend around whenever he had to be stationed all over the country. 

“Good morning.” Y/N mumbled as she looked up and noticed Bob checking his phone. The couple knew that they had a flight to catch in order to make it home for Bob’s family’s Christmas. 

“Good morning.” Bob replied sitting his phone down and turning his attention towards his girlfriend. “How’d you sleep?” he asked softly as his hand rubbed up and down y/n’s arm. 

“Amazing.” She mumbled as she sat up slightly to lean over his body, the sheet going with her to keep her naked body hidden from the morning air. “I needed all of that last night.” she mumbled as she leaned closer to his lips. “The shared bath, the massage, the orgasms, just being with you.” she murmured before gently pressing her lips to her boyfriend’s. 

“I’m glad I could help you relax.” He whispered once the two pulled out of their kiss. “We have to get ready if we’re going to make it to the airport on time.” he mumbled. 

Y/N nodded before sitting up fully and getting out of bed. She grabbed her clothes that she laid out the previous night and headed towards the shared bathroom. She would never admit it, but she was nervous. It had been forever since she met his family, and she wasn’t sure if they liked her or not. Given, it was a short visit so his family didn’t really get to know her as in depth as they would have liked. This time the couple would be spending a full week with the Floyd family and that was why she was so anxious. She didn’t have to try to impress them the last time she saw them, now she had to make sure that she didn’t do anything to make his family hate her. 

“Baby, we have to leave in ten minutes.” Bob called out from the bedroom. The man knew that it would be Y/N’s first time not spending Christmas with her father, she had expressed how she was fine with going to visit his family instead of the pair spending the holiday with Penny and Pete. 

“I’m done.” Y/N spoke as she walked out of the bathroom. “so, for anxiety reasons, who all am I going to have to impress?” 

Bob let out a small laugh before racking his brain for everyone that is going to be there for Christmas. “My mom and dad, obviously.” he stated as he was silently making a list. “My sister, My brother, My aunt and uncles, and My sister might let Elaine come.” Bob stated before walking over to his girlfriend and letting a small smile grace his face. “I just want to tell you before we get home, that Elaine and I have some history. It’s nothing serious... but she seems to keep holding on to what happened in high school before I joined the Navy. I gave my sister specific instructions to keep her away the first time you met them because you are important to me.” 

Y/N nodded taking everything he said in, “So what’s different about now?” The Mitchell girl asked as she raised an eyebrow at her boyfriend. 

“The difference is that I know for a fact that nothing can come between us now, I was still a bit insecure in our relationship back then.” He mumbled causing Y/N to smile bigger than she had during the whole conversation. 

“Were you scared to lose me, LT. Floyd?” She teased before kissing his cheek and walking around him to pack her toothbrush that she had just used in the bathroom. 

“Actually, I was.” He admitted before grabbing their bags and heading out to the vehicle. 

** 

The flight was not as long as Y/N expected, and they were in Bob’s hometown. The first time the girl had met his family, she was shocked to know that Bob was a bit country. His family lived on a ranch, and she thought it was beautiful. It seemed so peaceful and quiet, having all that land to do whatever you wanted with. 

“I love this place,” Y/N spoke out as their rental car arrived at the ranch. There were already quite a few cars in the driveway of the house. “It seems so peaceful to be surrounded by nature.” 

Bob was over-the-moon about how well his girlfriend liked where he came from. Given, he knew that she liked nature and there was plenty of it on their property Once the car was in the park, the couple got out and grabbed their items from the trunk. Y/N let Bob walk in front of her because of it being his house and she didn’t feel comfortable just walking in. “Mom, Dad?” Bob yelled once he opened the door and came in without knocking. The chattering in the kitchen halted upon hearing Bob’s voice and the sound of footsteps heading towards the beginning of the room couldn’t be missed. 

“Robby!” A high-pitched voice squealed as Bob got tackled in a hug. That made him have to regain his balance. The strong smell of cotton candy wafted over to Y/N which caused her to crinkle up her nose.

“Elaine, what did I tell you?” Bob’s sister spoke up as she got in sight of what was happening. “He has a girlfriend, if you’re going to act like that just go home.” She spoke up again while rolling her eyes. The younger girl gave Y/N a small apologetic smile before yanking her best friend off her older brother.

“It’s good to see you Bub,” Reagan spoke as she walked up to her older brother and pulled him into a hug. “Nice to see you again, Y/N.” She added as she pulled the girl into a hug. “Ignore Elaine, she’s had her mind set on marrying Robert since they dated in high school.” she whispered before pulling away and giving the couple a smile. 

“Good to have you back, little brother.” Bob’s older brother Sean spoke pulling Bob into a hug and nodding at Y/N with a smile on his face. “Nice to see you again, Y/N. We’ll get to know more about each other during your stay.” He added before heading back into 

“I’ll take our bags to my old room.” Bob spoke as he picked up all the bags. “where’s mom and dad?” he asked his sister as he passed her.

“They went to the store for last minute items that mom forgot she needed.” Reagan spoke as she followed behind Bob but turned into the kitchen instead of going to his old bedroom.

“So your Y/N? The girl that everyone talks so highly about?” Elaine asked like she was trying to size the girl up.

“I guess so.” The Mitchell girl replied before heading in the direction where Bob went.

“Don’t be fooled,” Elaine started causing Y/N to roll her eyes but she stopped to face the desperate girl anyway. “Bob promised me a future too.” She stated before prancing off into the kitchen.

Y/N walked into Bob’s old room where he was putting his clothes away in his old closet. The younger girl was rubbing her temples before plopping down on her boyfriend’s bed. “What’s up?” Bob sighed as he stopped what he was doing and joined his girl on the bed.

“You really did a number on Elaine, huh?” Y/N muttered while she laid her head over on Bob’s shoulder. The jet lag was starting to set in, and the annoying voice of the girl downstairs was making the girl have a headache.

“Believe it or not we weren’t that serious. We dated for like four months and then I graduated and decided to go to the navy. She begged for me to marry her so she could say she was married to someone in the military.” Bob explained as he laid his head over on hers. “I didn’t see a point in marriage. I tried to love her but I couldn’t.”

“What about now?” Y/N asked quietly as her nerves set in. The couple hadn’t really talked much about marriage, but they had painted a picture of their future together. “Your view on marriage, I mean.” She whispered.

“I see us getting married.” He answered softly as his hand grabbed hers “I’ve never loved someone as deeply as I love you. Even if we broke up now, you’ve already ruined me, Y/N.”

Y/N let out a small huff and snort mix, “yeah right, bobby.” she muttered as she glanced up at him and noticed his blue eyes staring a hole through her. “I promise you that I am not that special, there are millions of girls out there better than me.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” The wso replied as he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his girl’s lips. The couple heard the door open, and voices pick up. The shuffling around and sound of grocery bags were enough to make Bob grab Y/N’s hand and head out of his room 

“We noticed the car in the driveway, did Bob and Y/N get here?” A sweet lady’s voice asked as Bob’s siblings started talking amongst themselves.

“We made it about 30 minutes ago.” Bob spoke up as he walked into the kitchen with the Mitchell girl’s hand intertwined with his. Irene and Joe walked over to hug their son before Irene pulled Y/N into her embrace. 

“It’s so great to see you, honey.” Irene smiled as she pulled away from the hug she started. “I hope my son’s been treating you right.” She stated with a knowing look. Some how her statement sounded like a question in a way. 

“He’s been great, perfect, really.” the Mitchell girl spoke as her cheeks got a bit red. She never liked being put on the spot and knowing that this Christmas will determine if Bob’s family likes her was enough to make her double check herself. 

The rest of the evening was spent with Bob and his family catching up. Irene getting to know Y/N before the girl excused herself after dinner and headed to bed. Claiming the Jet lag had gotten ahold of her but she’d be up for more bonding time tomorrow. 

“I can come with you.” Bob offered starting to stand up before she ushered him to sit back down. 

“No, spend time with your family.” Y/N insisted. “You can come to bed later. I’m just going to call my dad and tell him that I made it, before going to sleep.” She assured. 

That’s what the girl did, she went to Bob’s old room and called Pete so he wouldn’t worry from not hearing from the girl. After talking to her father she had laid in bed and slowly drifted off to sleep. Bob had come to bed around 10 pm and carefully climbed in his bed to not wake up his girl. 

*2 Days Later*

Over the last two days the Floyd household had gotten pretty full. It was now Christmas Eve and everyone was getting ready for the evening dinner and then the first round of presents. The second round of presents would come tomorrow morning, something that Bob’s aunt and uncles came up with to encourage their kids to go to bed early. 

“Mrs. Floyd, I can help you if you want to go open presents with your kids.” Y/N offered as she stepped into the kitchen. Bob’s aunt and uncle were trying to settle everyone down. “I can hold the food down until you get done.” she explained a bit better as she walked over to where she was fixing a pre-dinner. Something that Y/N didn’t know about, the fact that they have a big dinner on Christmas and a medium dinner the night before. She wasn’t used to big dinners, honestly. 

“No, Hunny, they can wait. You have to open your presents too.” Bob’s mom told the younger girl as she started on her potatoes. “and please, call me Irene.” 

Y/N was confused about why she would have presents under the tree. She had only met Bob’s family once before this and they only stayed for a day. No one really got to meet her and get to know her. “Bob and I aren’t exchanging gifts until in the morning. So I can really take it off your hands.” She offered again softly. 

Irene gave the girl a smile. “Did you know that you are the first girl that Robert has ever brought home since he joined the navy? He’s told us about a few girlfriends but later he ended up telling us that he didn’t see a future with them.” Y/N’s shocked expression stayed on her face for a moment before she came to her senses. “That tells me that you’re important to my son and so Joe and I bought you a few presents too. We never like anyone to feel left out.” 

The Mitchell girl felt herself blush before glancing through the door into the living room. Bob was in there playing with some of the kids that had showed up this morning. They were his cousins and she heard him apologize not knowing that his entire family would be here and not just the usual. Y/N understood, he was home from the Navy and that wasn’t a common thing. “I love him, a lot.” She spoke up as Bob met her eyes and gave her a smile. She finally turned around towards her boyfriend’s mom again and let Bob go back to what he was doing. “I hate to ask and I trust Bob completely, but what’s the story behind Elaine?” She whispered so no one would risk hearing her. 

Irene huffed a bit before thinking about the problematic girl that Reagan had brought to Christmas this year. The older woman knew that Elaine never stood a chance when Bob was bringing Y/N around his family. Not that she stood a chance anyway. “I don’t even know why Robby dated her in the first place, he wasn’t interested in her. Maybe he just wanted to have some experience before he went out in the world.” Irene huffed making Y/N cringe at the news that those two were probably each other’s first. “They broke up when he joined the navy, she kept on pushing for them to get married since he would be away all the time. He kept telling her that he didn’t want to settle down at that young age. I mean he was freshly 18. He hadn’t really got to experience other relationships.” 

“Was she in love with him or just obsessed?” Y/N asked softly as she helped the older woman put all the food in the rightful place. Dinner was basically done now and they just needed to get the plates and silverware out. 

“Both, i guess. I’m not clear on that.” Irene answered before she turned to the younger girl that she knew held her son’s heart. “He loves you, Y/N. so so much. I can tell by the way he acts around you.” 

Y/N went to answer before a voice interrupted their conversation, “What are you two talking about?” Bob asked softly as he entered the kitchen and went over to his mother and girlfriend. 

Irene sent a wink to the Mitchell girl before leaving the kitchen to go get the rest of the family. Bob raised his eyebrow at his girlfriend as he waited for her to talk. “You need a hair cut, ya know.” Y/N stated as a smile grew on her face. 

“You aren’t going to tell me?” Bob asked before he kissed her cheek. 

“Not a chance, Lt.” The girl laughed as the family started gathering in the kitchen to get ready to eat. 

* 

“I’m sorry my family went all out on those gifts,” Bob sighed as he ran a hand over his face. “I didn’t tell them what you liked so if you don’t like them, then we can do something.” 

“Babe, it’s the thought that counts. But they were lovely.” Y/N honestly wasn’t expecting to receive what she did from the Floyd family. You could tell that they spent the same money on you as they did Bob, which was crazy since he was their son. “I love you, you know.” She told him even though she knew that he knew how she felt.

“I love you.” Bob mumbled before pressing his lips to hers.

**

The couple woke up to the smell of lunch already cooking. Y/N could smell the ham and turkey baking as she looked over at the clock on bobs nightstand. 10:49 lit up in big red letters causing the girl to furrow her eyebrows at how she slept so long. “Bobby.” She whispered as she turned around in his arms so she was facing him. “Babe.” She mumbled again.

“Mhm?” He questioned as he stretched. The sheet falling down his shirtless chest, evidence of their previous activities. “Is it really 10:52?” He asked as his eyes caught the clock.

“That’s why I was trying to wake you.” Y/N mumbled as she got out of bed and put her undergarments back on and grabbed her outfit for Christmas out of her bag. “I have to put on light makeup, I’ll be down in a minute.”

Bob got ready and headed down to his family that was waiting in the kitchen and living room. Y/N quickly put her makeup on and did her hair so she looked decent and left the room. Y/N knew that she needed to talk to Reagan before everyone started opening gifts. Mainly because she needed to know if what she felt was true was accurate.

*

Two pink lines popped up instantly on the test that Y/N was holding. Reagan had taken the girl to the store with a few questions asked along the way. Turns out Irene had forgotten a condiment from the store and needed that as well.

“So?” Reagan mumbled from outside her private bathroom. She had noticed what the Mitchell girls bag held and immediately wanted to know if she was going to be an aunt or not.

Y/N walked out of the bathroom with her hands trembling, “it’s positive.” She spoke, the words sounding foreign to her. She carefully handed the test over to Reagan.

Before either of the girls could say anything else, the Floyd girls bedroom door opened and Sean walked in with Elaine behind him. “Mom’s been looking for you two.” Sean spoke up before looking down in his sisters hand. “Is that?” He asked looking between the two girls.

Reagan and Y/N looked at each other as the Mitchell girl was pleading with her eyes to take the fall. Reagan understood that the other wanted to tell her brother before the rest of his siblings or family. “It’s mine.” Reagan spoke up. “It’s negative.” She added before walking in her bathroom and throwing it away. “Those one night stands getcha sometimes.” She added as she ushered everyone out of the room.

“Thank you.” Y/N whispered as she passed her boyfriends sister.

The four joined the family down in the kitchen. The kids were already eating and other family members had started a line around the kitchen. Bob was nowhere to be found in the kitchen, which made Y/N sneak away from the rest of his family and wonder off to his bedroom.

“No, Natasha. I can’t talk right now.” Bob was whispering when Y/N quietly entered the room. You could tell that he didn’t hear his girlfriend come in. “she doesn’t know, and rooster can’t know either. why? because he’ll kill me.” Bob mumbled. “If either of them knew what we have been doing this last year, rooster would kill me, and I don’t even want to know Y/N’s reaction would be.” the slightly younger girl felt tears well in her eyes. Of course, it was partly her pregnancy maybe, but the fact that Bob sounded suspicious had her worried. She never once doubted him, not in slightest, so why did this all sound like cheating to her. 

“Babe,” Y/N called making herself known. She was hoping that she was masking the worriedness and sadness on her face. “Your mom is wanting us.” 

“Listen, I have to go. Talk to you later.” Bob hung up the phone and walked towards his girlfriend. “Sorry, Bradley called. Apparently, them two are having some troubles.” 

If there was one thing that Y/N Mitchell picked up from Pete, it was how to hide emotions. Something that he had been good at since Goose’s death. “I hope they work it out.” She mumbled as Bob intertwined their hands together before they left his room. 

After everyone ate it was time for presents and that is when Bob and Sean took the gator to go check on some animals. Y/N sat alone in the corner until she was joined by Elaine. The Mitchell girl dreaded what was to come, but she knew that she wouldn’t make a scene. It was Christmas after all. 

“What’s wrong?” Elaine asked softly. The annoying sound in her voice completely gone. “I know, I was bitch earlier... I just wanted to see if Robert was serious. I am sorry for how I acted.” She apologized making Y/N give her a small smile. 

“Even though I probably shouldn’t trust you, I heard a strange conversation between Bobby and a mutual friend of ours. It honestly sounded like they had been cheating on me and my brother with each other.” Y/N mumbled as she watched the kids go crazy over their gifts. 

“The positive pregnancy test in Reagan’s trash can has nothing to do with your feelings?” Elaine asked softly and quietly. Y/N’s eyes widen slightly as she turned away from the girl. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.” 

“Reagan told you it was hers.” Y/N stated as she felt the nerves act up and her hands get clammy. 

“I have been out with Reagan everywhere; we are best friends after all. She hasn’t hooked up since her ex-boyfriend. That was way too long for her to want to take a test.” the younger girl explained. 

“I haven’t told him yet.” Y/N mumbled as she played with her fingers. 

“I know. If it helps, Robert is head over heels for you. Whatever you heard had to be a mistake. He’s always been loyal to everyone, even if he wasn’t happy.” She whispered as the two boys entered the room. 

The two girls gave each other a smile as Sean asked to speak with Elaine for a moment. Bob had joined his girlfriend in the spot that his ex-girlfriend had left. 

“What was that about?” Bob asked softly as he grabbed your hand. 

“She was apologizing.” Y/N said before turning towards Bob. “We need to talk.” 

Bob nodded before he stood up and offered his hand for Y/N. She grabbed his hand and stood up. “I want to take you somewhere.” With that the couple made their way out of the house and to Joe’s gator that was sitting outside. “I know you said that you love how peaceful it is here, so I want to show you around for a bit.” Bob said as he helped her up in the UTV. 

The couple made their way away from the ranch house. Y/n honestly thought that he would stop and show all of the animals that he took care of as a kid and so on. That’s not what he was doing at all, and she realized it once they passed all the animals and headed towards a trail in the wood lining. She figured now was as good as any to ease into the natasha talk. She didn’t want to come straight out and accuse him of cheating, it wouldn’t be like either of them. “It’s crazy, isn’t it?” she asked softly as she took in the beautiful scenery. 

“what is?” Bob asked softly as he drove carefully on the trail. 

“How we’ve been together for so long.” Y/N stated as she looked down at her freshly polished finger nails. “I almost figured you and Natasha would have eventually ended up together.” she whispered but loud enough for Bob to hear her. 

The Floyd boy let out a laugh, “She’s like another sister. I am head over heels in love with you, Y/N/N. I already told you that you have ruined me and i meant that.” 

Y/N felt a bit at ease, but she knew that her worry would still be there until she figured out why he was calling Natasha in secret. It was still a bit of an uneasy feeling. “I have something I really need to tell you-” Y/N started only to cut herself off when the trail ended at what seemed to be a hunting cabin. The cabin had lights hung up around it and the porch was decorated beautifully. 

“I want to give you a tour and then you can let me know if you’d like to stay out here tonight.” Bob spoke before getting out of the gator and then heading towards the other side to help his girl out. ‘I thought we could use some alone time.” 

Y/n gave her boyfriend a smile before waiting for him to open the cabin door. It wasn’t very big, but you could tell that it was made for a hunting party or maybe even birthday parties for the Floyd’s. 

“This is the living room space, it isn’t much but the couch does pull out into a bed.” He explained. “Then the kitchen is over here, it isn’t anything fancy, but I already stocked it up with your favorite snacks.” He blushed a bit making y/n squeeze his hand. “In this room is an extra bathroom and this one is the extra bedroom. bunk beds. And then the master bedroom.” He stated as Y/n felt his hands start to sweat a bit. “Open it.” he urged softly. 

Y/N gave him a look before grabbing the door handle and twisting the doorknob. Pushing the door open, a small gasp left her lips as her hand came to cover her mouth. She felt her eyes watering up as Bob stepped in front of her slightly. The room was covered in rose peddles, had blackout curtains hung up so the candles and fairy lights were the only lights in the room. Mini letter lights spelled out “Marry Me?” on the bedside table. 

“Y/N, I have loved you since you took notice of me in the hard deck. I thought you were beautiful when you came over to greet Bradley and I wasn’t expecting this to go anywhere because you are way out of my league. How i managed to get you and keep you is out of my knowledge. I love you so much and i know that I want to be with you forever. Will you please do me the honor of marrying me?” Bob asked. 

Y/N could sense his nerves and she knew there was a lot more that he wanted to say. She knew what her answer was even if he didn’t get everything he wanted to say out in the open. “of course, Bobby.” She mumbled as tears came down her face. Bob slipped the shiny diamond ring on her finger before standing up and pulling her in for a kiss. “I love you so much.” 

“You still have a few more presents at the house, so we should probably get going.” Bob mentioned after he placed another kiss on his fiancee’s lips. 

“Were you serious about staying here tonight?” She asked bob as he nodded, ‘because I would love to celebrate alone with you tonight.” she mumbled. 

The ride back to the ranch house was silent. The two were just enjoying each other’s peaceful company before the Floyd household would start celebrating. Y/N had no idea that one of Bob’s Christmas presents were waiting for her back at the ranch house to congratulate her. Of course, Bob asked Maverick for permission before he proposed. He asked him months before he even asked, he wanted the time to be perfect and he knew the Floyd hunting cabin would be the perfect place. That’s when he knew it would be around Christmas time.

“I’m ready to go spend the night with you.” Y/N whined slightly as her left hand made its way to the back of Bob’s head as they pulled up to the house.

“You can in about three hours.” Bob mumbled. He then grabbed her hand and gave it a kiss before getting out and helping her out of the gator. “Your next present is right through that door.” He mumbled kissing her head.

Y/N gave her fiancé a small smile while shaking her head. “You’re something else, Floyd.” She stated as she walked into the house first. The multiple shouts of “congratulations!” And balloons flying everywhere made the girl jump. Before she noticed what bob was talking about.

“Congratulations, sweetheart.” The older man said as he opened his arms for his daughter to come give him a welcoming hug. “How did my little girl get grown up so fast.?” He mumbled with his voice growing in sadness.

“Time flies.” Y/N mumbled pulling away from Maverick. “I’ll always be your little girl.” She added as she wiped the tears from her face and her father did the same. Maverick never liked showing emotion in front of anyone and over the years he had slowly been okay with showing emotion in front of Penny, Y/N, and Bradley.

“I know you will.” He nodded before Bradley pulled the girl into a hug.

“Brownie, don’t mess up the hair.” Y/N groaned as she shoved her brother figure off of her playfully.

“Here I thought I’d be married before you.” He shook his head.

“Grow a pair and maybe you still can.” Y/N winked as she playfully hit him. The girl then looked over and saw Natasha beside Bradley wearing a smile on her face. She nodded at the girl, still feeling uneasy about the situation earlier. She quickly turned around and wrapped her arms around bob. “Thank you so much. It means a lot that you’d ask my dad and brother to fly out here.”

“Anything for you.” He mumbled before pulling her into a kiss. “I love you so much.”

*a few hours later*

After opening presents from everyone, the families all made their way to bed. Bradley, Natasha, and Maverick was staying in a guest loft inside an extra barn that the Floyd’s had used for their stable men. With Joe being retired, they didn’t need to hire anyone to help with animals anymore so the loft was left unused and was cleaned up for Y/N’s family to come stay in.

Y/N and bob had made their way to the cabin about 30 minutes ago, where Bob had immediately drawn the couple a bath to unwind. That’s where they were, in a soaker tub (which was a new upgrade) and relaxing against one another. The bubbles covered their bodies as Y/N’s back laid against Bob’s chest.

“So, did you propose to me in the room you lost your virginity in? Cause if so, very classy Lt. Floyd.” Y/N joked with a laugh and intertwined her left hand with his hand. His fingers playing with the ring on her finger.

“No, you were actually only the third.” He admitted honestly. Most people had the talk before getting engaged but it didn’t bother the couple. They knew that they were each other’s forever and that’s what mattered.

“Elaine?” She asked expectantly.

“Never did.” Bob spoke softly. “I wasn’t very popular and I wasn’t the one that people went for. One night stands were never my thing. I was 21 when it happened. It was with someone I thought I loved, but now I know that I didn’t know what love was. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, that’s how I know you’re my forever.”

Y/N turned her face up so she could look at her handsome man. “I lost mine at 18.” She mumbled before placing a kiss on his jaw. “It was someone I almost married, he was in the army, turns out he knocked up another girl while I was engaged to him so, that’s why that ended.”

Bob’s hand came up and rubbed over her jaw line as he lowered his head and placed a soft kiss on her lips. “That’ll never happen with me.” He promised.

“I have to ask you something,” y/N whispered so she wouldn’t cause tension. “I heard you on the phone with Natasha, earlier and you lied to me and said it was Bradley.” she started. She could see bob’s gears shifting in his head, trying to see where this was going. “You said that Bradley would kill you and that you wouldn’t wanna see my reaction if I found out what you two were doing.”

“Did you think I was cheating on you?” He asked carefully as he noticed panic in Y/N’s eyes. “Baby, it was Natasha helping me buy things for the proposal and ring. I told her not to tell Bradley that I asked for her help instead of his for ring shopping. I also didn’t wanna see your reaction if you found the ring before I was ready because I really wanted it to be special.”

Y/N gave him a small smile, “it was my anxiety, it wasn’t me in general. I know you’d never do that.”

The two carried on with conversation before getting out of the bath and headed towards the shower to clean themselves. After finishing showering the two went to their bags that were placed on the king bed in the cabin.

“Bobby,” y/n called as she tucked her towel so it would stay up on its own. “I have one more present for you, I just didn’t want to give it to you in front of everyone.”

Bob gave his girl a look before carefully grabbing the gift box out of her hand. It wasn’t too big but it wasn’t super small either. It was neatly decorated with his name scribbled on top. “You didn’t have to get me anything else.”

“Just open it.” She urged with a smile. She could feel the tears coming while she waited for him.

He sat down on the end of the bed with y/n standing beside of him. He carefully opened the box and read the top before his eyes widen and he noticed tue white stick with a blue lid. A red plus sign on a test, and pink two lines on the other stick. The box contained a letter board reading “I can’t wait to meet you daddy.” And the lid of the box, which he read first said, “to the best daddy ever.”

Y/N wanted to get a pair of booties or a onesie to put in their but she didn’t get a chance too. She wanted to wait and make it special but today was special just as well. “Are you serious?” Bob asked with tears in his eyes. “Am I gonna be a dad?”

Y/N nodded as her own tears started spilling, “you’re gonna be a daddy.” She whispered as Bob stood up and pulled her into a hug. “I just found out today and the only one that knows is Reagan. I thought we could wait and tell everyone after our first ultrasound to make sure everything is okay.”

“Baby, you’ve just given the best gift ever.” He mumbled as he rocked the couple back and forth.

“I love you forever, Robert Floyd.”

“I love you, Y/N Floyd, forever and always.”

| The last part! It took so long because I had so many other problems but it’s all good. I have a Jake “Hangman” series coming so… if you like him then you can check my profile because it should be up in the next few days! It could have ended better but it is what it is.|

[gloomysoup]

i have been taken over by nickelback once again so here comes another edition to the nickelback chronicles

todays edition brings us back to the 2017 album feed the machine, which seems to be a very steddie secrets-coded album based on previous editions. (the song is Must Be Nice btw)

corroded coffin is well established in the industry. they have a lot of fans, but it is more common in pop culture that they're made fun of due to certain songs that gain popularity (think photograph memes). their fan base regularly gets shit from others, but it's never caused problems. at least, not until someone comes after eddie's family.

in the age of the internet, people are increasingly open about their opinions. eddie's tough. he can brush things off with ease. he doesn't often take things to heart.

it starts with a collection of photos.

Steve and the pups got papped, bad. Eddie hadn't even been with them. Luckily, Eddie had insisted that they have a security detail when going out somewhere more public. For safety. Steve didn't really like the idea, but he agreed. He knew Eddie wouldn't have insisted so heavily on something unless it was important to him. His family's safety is important. So, when paparazzi was overwhelming them, cameras flashing in their faces, the pups upset and clinging to Steve, Eddie was grateful that their security managed to get them somewhere safe. Eddie was pissed when the photos were released online. It was clear in every frame that Steve had been uncomfortable, and the pups were scared.

Arguably, Eddie probably should've waited for the band's legal and social media teams before saying anything, but he was infuriated. He could barely hold back all the things he wanted to say.

His response came in the form of a long twitter thread from his main account. In it, he ranted about the absolute disregard the paparazzi had for privacy and consent. He went off about how angry he was that they violated his family, without him even being there. There was absolutely no reason for them to go after his family like that, and then to post those photos all over the internet like it was nothing. He was disgusted.

The post blew up. Eddie was asked about it in an interview with the band a week after the photos broke.

Eddie's hands shook as he looked at the man interviewing them.

"I don't think I have ever been so... infuriated in my life, and I've been hunted by an entire town who didn't understand." He shook his head. "I was in a meeting with a producer when my husband called me, in tears, because of those assholes. I wasn't even there. They had no reason to do that to my family. They do not deserve to be treated like animals in a goddamn zoo just because of my career. They're just fucking lucky that no one got hurt, because if anyone had laid a single hand on my family, I would not hesitate to track them down and prove an entire goddamn town right."

"Don't you think that's a little dramatic? Obviously it wasn't right, but that's their job, isn't it?"

Eddie's response broke the internet immediately upon its release.

"No. I don't think it's dramatic. I think I have every right to be angry that my family's privacy was violated. I have every right to be angry that their safety was at risk. If I do much as see someone with a camera pointed at them again, I will not hesitate to show them exactly what I think of their 'job'. I will do anything to protect my family, and I will not apologize for that."

The internet was divided. Many people agreed with Eddie. It was cruel. His family was put in danger. His response was perfectly understandable. Others thought he was taking things too far. They didn't understand just how harmful the paparazzi could be. One such person made it a point to call Eddie out. He was some up and coming artist that was gaining popularity among the younger crowds. A nepotism baby like no other. His mother was a popular actress, his father a well-known label executive. He trashed Eddie for being old, out of the loop, a hot-headed mess. He insulted his family based off the photos the paps had released.

Eddie barely gave a public response to the kid's statements. In fact, his social media went oddly quiet. For six weeks, not a single person in the band posted anything. Fans speculated on what happened. Some wondered if Eddie had finally snapped. Maybe this had been the last straw. The band was breaking up, or going on hiatus. Something. Their comments and concerns went unanswered. A few people even managed to track down the socials of people close to the band, sending DMs and asking if they knew what was going on. Nancy got the worst of it, seeing as she was the easiest to track down with her relatively active social media. Still, no response.

It was a random Tuesday morning when the band account finally posted something. Fans were expecting an official statement declaring that the band was parting ways. Instead, it was a cryptic video clip. A dark screen. Music playing in the background. A single line uttered before it cut off completely and a date filled the screen.

Stick your diamond ring where the sun don't shine

No one knew what it meant until the day arrived. The band released a new single. Must Be Nice. The lyrics are chalk full of references to common children's lullabies. It was very obvious to everyone what the song was about. Still, there was no official statement. Not until the band's tour, at least.

Eddie grabbed the microphone from the stand a couple songs into the first show. He took a drink from the cup sitting by Gareth's drum kit before taking a breath and looking out at the crowd. He got everyone to quiet down before he started talking.

"I'm sure by now you've all heard about what happened to my family a few months back," he began. The crowd booed. Eddie laughed, his eyes darting to side-stage where Steve was standing. "In case there's some people out there who haven't, my husband our pups were ambushed by paparazzi while I was in a meeting. Their safety was put at risk. Their privacy was violated. The photos were released on the internet, and I was the one to receive backlash for being upset. For being angry." The crowd screamed. "That's the thing about being 'famous' or whatever the fuck. No one cares. No one cares because they assume that we all signed up for this shit. Like the world deserves to be let into every single piece of our lives. The amount of people who wholeheartedly believe they had a right to invade our privacy and stalk our families is astounding, truly. And then there are people who grew up having everything handed to them. Who think they have a right to speak on a matter that doesn't involve them. Who only have careers because of who their daddy is. So this next song is dedicated to the fucker who had the absolute nerve to trash my family on the internet while he sat in a house paid for with Daddy's money. This is Must Be Nice."

The videos of his speech launched them back into the mainstream, if only for a few days. The internet was overrun with discourse, everyone arguing over who was in the right and who was in the wrong. It ultimately led to a public apology from the kid, and paparazzi learned to stay away from Corroded Coffin.

[dearreader]

hello! welcome back to my FMA Characters as Taylor Swift albums!!! please note this was written before ttpd dropped. previous albums are here:

debut, fearless (taylor’s version), speak now (taylor’s version), RED (taylor’s version), 1989 (taylor’s version), 𝔯𝔢𝔭𝔲𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫, 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇, 𝒇𝒐𝒍𝒌𝒍𝒐𝒓𝒆, 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆

now, let’s discuss the 13 20 21 22 sleepless nights from taylor’s past:

Midnights

Roy Mustang

- this isn’t a surprise is you follow me considering how often i’ve gone crazy over how roy coded antihero is

- the concept of the album is 13 midnights from taylor’s past that she’s revisiting. though the album feels more like a conversation between taylor’s relationship to fame and her personal life AND from very recent events of finding out when certain songs were written (jack antonoff you petty as bitch i love you) the album has a deeper meaning. while still about 13 nights from taylor’s past it also feels like it’s her trying to find a way to save her current relationship and she’s doing that by looking back at old relationships and how’s those failed/ended or started to understand what is going wrong now.

- it also feels like a threat at times to yogurt boy (ex boyfriend i won’t name) that she can leave though it’s clear she doesn’t want to leave. she wants to make this work because of all he did to help at her lowest of lows and helped show her a different aspect of life she could have. but her partner isn’t giving anything. and she is slowly dying.

- …

- alright now that i’m done with my rant, that very well be edited later because we’re getting new taylore by the fucking day and it’s changing perspectives on EVERYTHING, we can move on

- this album has been criticized for not having as deep of lyrics as her previous two albums (cause people are fucking idiots and can’t read anything past a pop beat ((STARES AT AYHTDWS))) but the album is still full of great lines and songs that show us different sides of taylor.

- i do however think that based off how the album is presented and shown it feels very roy coded. with the album showing different sides of taylor and her past regrets and knowing just how different her life could be if she did just one thing differently (john mayer i am in your fucking walls). this resonates a lot with roy’s character and what we know about his life

- most notably the song anti-hero is roy coded as hell. a monster of your own making and the deep fear of driving the person you love away because of your own hands… that’s roy baby!

- but that theme carry’s over into several other songs such as midnight rain or you’re on your own kid. and while those songs are different stories and from a female perspective, there is still a voice of loneliness in them and your past decisions haunting you and being unable to escape it. that you had wanted of this one thing for so long but now that you got it you fully see the damage it has done not only to you but others and now have to live with the decision. this comes through for taylor as her wanting to be famous and her disliking of celebrity life as she doesn’t see herself as human anymore, while for roy he views himself as a monster for his previous actions and is doing everything he can to try and right his wrongs

- both have a similar view of themselves but also feel like this is their own fault. they both made their bed now they must lie in it.

- so i wander through these nights/i prefer hiding in plain sight/this fourth drink in my hand/these DESPERATE PRAYERS OF A CURSED MAN!/spilling out to you for free…/but darling darling please you wouldn’t take me word for it if you knew who was talking…/if you knew where i was walking…/to a house, not a home, all alone cause nobody’s there…/where i pace in my pen and my friends found people who care…/no one sees you lose when you’re playing solitaire

- (of course user dearreader assigns sad little meow meow as dear reader)

- everything i touch becomes sick with sadness…

- all of me changed like midnight rain/he wanted it comfortable i wanted that pain

- i have this thing where i get older but just never wiser

- sometimes i feel like everyone’s a sexy baby and i’m a monster on the hill/to big to hang out slowly lurching toward your favorite city/pierced through the heart but never killed/did you hear my cover narcissism i disguise as altruism like some kind of congressman?

- do you see the difference? i love how riza walked several steps behind roy while still protected him. riza doesn't put roy in the basement. she’s not afraid of his shine. she lets him bejeweled.

- there are love songs on here that i’ve already talked about being royai coded in their own posts and or me feral posting about royai (labyrinth, sotb, sweet nothing, lavender haze, etc.) and like… yeah that’s there.

- also, while i don’t view the song in this way, it has been pointed out to me how you’re losing me is very Roy vs. Envy coded and i have to acknowledge that here but not in my own heart cause if i do that then ill lose my mind over the song even more than i already do.

- but, that’s my ted talk. thank you all for coming and reading these posts! and remember:

[eddiernunson]

Found Again | Part 1 | Sequel to Trapped

Word Count: 1.9k

Summary: The year is 2005. Vecna is defeated, Steve Harrington is finding grey hairs. Eddie has already been dead for 19 years. Unfortunately, you have too. Since 1989. In a new life, new state, new friends, new school, you find yourself drawn to the new kid, and he to you. Something tells you it had to do with the dreams of a man with long hair when you were small.

[Edited bc i forgot the dang taglist]

Author's note: This story has been stirring in my brain for a hot minute, conceptualizing from the idea of loving Eddie in a past life and being so drawn to someone...and realizing why. The use of Y/N will entail the previous life and I ended up using my pseudonym as to not get confused until it just stuck so the modern day person does have a name yet we still use the you pronoun.

Thank you so much for turning in!

One last note. Yes, there will be smut. It will be less and with the resurrected character, but you don't have a strong as personality as Eddie's in a past life without carrying a few traits to the new one. ;)

---

Flashes of long brown hair, the smell of leather, a deep chuckle. Sunshine. Sadness, never ending sadness that seeped into despair.

When you were four, your mom could tell you how you went from a relatively normal child into a child who needed to be woken up from nightmares overnight. The nightmares were consistent for months, until one day, you slept soundly and seemed to forget all about it.

It wasn’t just the nightmares. You weren’t even sure your little brain could even call it that, they all started so softly, a warm honey-glow with an unseen face surrounded by golden light that stuck around until the last of it, and you wounded up waking up with tears streaming down your face by the end of it.

After the first time you told your mom a story she could never quite forget, she knew these nightmares, dreams, whatever, meant something.

She was driving you to preschool, worried about you as the look on your face when she found you crying in your sleep was a look of anguish she thought no four-year-old should have. She was willing to let the children’s music tape do all the talking for her when you let out, “I miss him.”

She’s sure she misheard you, not a clue to who you could’ve been talking about. “Pardon, sweetheart?” She asks you gently, her eye on the road and on your delicate little face.

“The man with long hair. I miss him.”

This perplexed her. She’s not sure you’ve ever truly met a man with long hair. Mullets haven’t really made any comeback since their heyday in the 80’s. “What…what happened to this man, darling?”

“He died.” You answer, and it comes out so nonchalantly she nearly breaks the car out of sheer panic. You were lucky to be in a life where you haven’t had to deal with the idea of death other than the trauma that was the Land Before Time.

“Oh. No wonder you miss him. When did he die?”

While the admission of his death was one thing, nothing could’ve prepared her for the next thing.

“Um, 1986.”

This went on as long as your dreams did. You didn’t have much to go on, only that he was kind, had long hair, was someone you cared about, and has passed. In 1986, three years before you were born. He was someone you had insisted you missed.

While the dreams were ongoing the conversations, she had with you were consistent enough to believe that you weren’t lying. How could a four-year-old even conceptualize time to understand years as numbers? You couldn’t. But you knew based on your dreams it was the year he had passed. As you continued to talk about it, she had enough belief to bring you to a psychic.

Granted a therapist might’ve been the better option but a psychic is something she could afford.

As you sat down in the chair, the psychic sitting across the cloth-covered table, something in your four-year-old brain could tell that she was the real thing. That she would respect your claims and take them seriously. “Welcome, dear. Maddie, was it?”

You nod your head, distracted by all the pretty colours as the curtains cascade up over you, all meeting in the middle into a shiny crystal chandelier. The room was candlelit, something that would normally scare you with the dancing shadows, but if anything it was like the shadows and her were on the same team.

“I hear you’ve been having some dreams…seeing someone you’ve never met before. Could you please describe them to me?”

You mom hasn’t asked you to describe any of them, not in those words, at least. The only thing she asked you was to describe the person you were dreaming about. “I see a boy.”

“Your age?”

“Older.”

Your mom hasn’t even thought to ask his age, for the record.

“How much older?”

You sigh, having no clear concept of age and appearance. The psychic picks up on it, and she finds a nearby catalogue in one of her shelves to indicate different ages. She points one out that would be your mom’s age. “Younger.” One that would be starting high school. “A little older.” One that appeared to be either just out of high school or about to graduate. “There.”

“Are these dreams stories? Like could you tell me your dreams from start to finish like a story?” She asks, tossing the catalogue aside.

You think on that question for a minute. “No. There’s no story.”

“Do they feel more fragmented?” She asks.

Your brows furrow, having no idea what fragmented means.

She understands. “Are they moving pictures that go into one another, like memories?”

You nod your head rapidly. Memories was the word you couldn’t grasp yet it made the most sense to you.

“Could you describe it for me?”

“Describe…what?” You ask, unsure where to even start.

“Anything would be helpful, dear. Just start where you’re comfortable.”

You take a deep breath, unsettled by the attention the adults suddenly give you. “I see…him. From far away. Then he’s close. He’s got long brown hair, and he smells like leather and…something but I don’t know what. He’s from Hawkins, Indiana. And I see bright colours and sun, then everything gets dark. I get sad. Not just regular sad. This sad hurts in my chest. I can’t breathe. Then mom wakes me up.”

The psychic sits on this, switching glances with your mom and sharing a silent conversation. “What happens when it gets dark? Does anything change to invoke that emotion?”

You nod, gulping. The emotion you feel when everything changes is devastating. Now that she had put a name to the word memory, you understood that’s what was occurring. This was a memory of an emotion, not the real thing, but if it wasn’t the real thing, the real thing must’ve been devastating.

“He dies.”

The psychic nods her head, and she’s quite enthralled by this point, but you wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at her. She’s seen a handful of resurrection cases in her lifetime, but none quite so young, or intense. “When does he die, darling?” On the phone, your mom had told her you were dreaming of a man who dies before you were born.

This turned the phone call from an inquiry to an invitation. Specifics like a singular year or locations often turn her onto cases. It’s easy to fake a memory from another life. She’s met many people who immediately freeze up when she offers a PI to investigate any evidence of their former lives. When someone truly remembers another life, they are drawn to it like a moth to a lamp.

But a four-year-old remembering another life is rare. She’s heard of it, seen a rare news article about it, but she’s never had the privilege of talking to someone so young about it.

“In 1986.” You answer her, looking to your mom for reassurance. She offers it, smiling warmly.

“So. Here’s the deal.” The psychic starts, leaning forward onto her elbows on the table. “I have seen this before. Are you willing to keep an open mind?”

Your mom nods, her hairs standing up on her arms.

“From what your daughter has told me,” She smiles at you, warmly, “it sounds like memories of a previous life.”

“Previous life?” She asks incredulously.

“Yes. Unconventional, I know. But no four-year-old likes to share stories as grim as hers are for the fun of it.” She pauses, letting your little mind wrap around this concept. You’re not so sure you did understand what she meant by a previous life, but by your mom’s reaction, it wasn’t exactly ideal. “She gives me enough information to take this seriously. In my line of work, it means researching a history. Possibly, her history. Now resurrecting from the opposite gender happens, but it sounds more like she cared about this person. With a small deposit, I can hire a private investigator to look into this for you. She gives a place and a time. Both can and might lead us to a person. If you want to look at the results this year, or in ten years it will be here.”

Your mom offers the deposit, a lousy forty dollars. Anyone willing to pay the fine means they want answers or are taking it as seriously.

“Thank you for answering all these questions, darling. Some day you might stop having these dreams. How young you are, you probably will. If one day these dreams come back to you somehow, come see me. I might have any answers you would be looking for.”

While you were terrified and intrigued all at the same time, your mom was just terrified. On some level this became too real for her. So, she didn’t take you back.

In fact, she stopped asking questions, hoping your dreams would die on their own if you didn’t spend too long thinking or talking about them.

On some level, she was right. Once she stopped any conversation about the mysterious person after waking you up from the dreams, they vanished within weeks.

It wasn’t for another thirteen years did the dreams gain any more significance to you.

-

Your alarm yanks you out of your sleep abruptly, the last day of summer over and a new school year starting. Junior year. Only two more years and you could get your ass out of here.

You stumbled through getting dressed, offering a half hello out the door, grabbing a bagel for an attempt at breakfast. The tragedy of sleeping in every day for summer then waking up early for school is heartbreak every teenager feels on another first day of school. You weren’t all that much of a morning person, so waking up, especially on the first day, took a long time.

With barely ten minutes until the first bell, you pull up to the school, ready to give enough energy to get by but not stand out. Nothing at this school gave you a reason to want to stand out. As you walked to the front where tables are laid out with school schedules, you looked around, observing the crowd of late arrivals.

The secretary called out next, handing your schedule to you wordlessly. She didn’t even need to ask your name, your high school got around only four or five new students a year. You reach into your bag for your flip phone to text Kaitlyn to ask her what her first period was when you realize you had forgotten it in your blue Camry.

The phone still in your car was unforgiveable, you jog back to it to grab it when a van pulls up to the school, tires screeching as it was five minutes until the first bell. As you reached into your car, you kept your eye on the mysterious van as you knew which car belonged to who by the end of your sophomore year. You didn’t know this one. This van looked like it spent a few days at Woodstock.

Ok, it wasn’t that old.

But it sure had some time on it.

The owner got out of the driver’s seat, and the moment he turned around you felt your breath caught in your throat. He was gorgeous. His short, curly brown hair sat pretty on his head as his lanky stature grabbed at his backpack to head into the school.

As he ran to the tables sat out front, you had to catch your breath, your heart beating out of your chest as this essential need to be near him clawed its way out from your chest.

-

As always, I love reading your comments and tags and replies. Reblogging is the best way to support fic writers on here, so please I would appreciate it. Inbox is always open!

Tag list: @pinkcowracing @yourthebrokengirl @steeldaisies @skrzydlak @thirddeadlysin @sammararaven @bebe07011 @prettylovley

[jezmmart]

Chamomile Comic Trivia #31

#159 - Notice

It's Sam! I wish I had written down more about my decision to add her, although at this point I'm fairly sure I wasn't certain she was going to become a main character - in fact it was RIGHT around the week this posted that I began work on the first proper cover art for the series which of course did not include her.

Her design was based off this old one-off pin-up girl art from 2017, technically making her the first ever major Chamomile Comic character to exist, sort of.

She was named after Sam Lloyd, likely known for his portrayal of Ted the Lawyer from Scrubs. The news of his death had recently broken and I had just recently begun listening to Fake Doctors, Real Friends, the Scrubs rewatch podcast, as my go-to background entertainment when colouring the comic specifically each week. It still is now, albeit intermittently since they don't always produce an episode each week and I no longer have a backlog to catch up on. Now granted, I don't love the podcast as much as I used to - can be a bit cringey at times as these two hollywood actors chat about utterly unrelatable anecdotes from their lives - but it's overall been enjoyable and it'll be weird to find something new to accompany my colouring if it does come to an end or stops being enjoyable once they permanently pivot into... whatever they plan to do after they run out of Scrubs episodes. It's been part of my colouring process for the comic for longer than it hasn't been now, haha. So... yeah it felt right to honour that connection to my comic with Sam's name, on top of the fact that Scrubs is just straight-up one of my favourite TV shows and Ted was always a character that gave me big laughs.

Of course... I realised after that I'd introduced yet another character to the comic ending in "-a"! ...But whatever, it's a common thing. Not so long ago I had 5 co-workers simultaneously whose names also ended in -a, lol.

The decision to have had her always be around simply came from not having any strong ideas to introduce her and preferring the idea that at least some of the cast already knew her. The gag's been done before, but I thought it'd be extra funny to introduce her with a scene in which she is specifically announcing her departure from being a regular face in Cammie's life, which typically would mean the same for the audience in most works with actually established characters.

Final little bonus note - in panel 1, Cammie once again is entering with a handful of steaming coffee.

#160 - Official

I didn't really mean for it to be so small it's barely legible at web size, but the little sign on the panic alarm button behind the till says "Real emergencies only Cammie!", in reference to #50.

#161 - Before

All that Scrubs talk regarding Sam is kinda fitting, because they did the "this character was always here!" gag there too. For their one, they edited her in on various memorable shots and pretended the main character didn't notice her being present, here I obviously extended the frame on the end of several punchline panels from previous comics.

Here's a gif that shows the original panels compared to the new ones, showing both the new and old art isolated as well so you can see exactly what I drew to extend the older panels which naturally weren't drawn originally knowing that I would one day be extending them!

The second of the three Sam flashbacks is just a nice little bridging one, but it did take me a while to decide for sure which way around I wanted the first and third flashback panel. For the first: while there's been a little bit of mild bad language in the comic once the seal was broken here, Sam's "bitch" is the first time such language has appeared so it amused me to place it in a scene that has already happened long ago just barely outside of the audience's perspective. For the third: the joke is of course that the reveal of Sam's additional dialogue is particularly adding nothing to the scene whatsoever - like, as if Cammie making a fool of herself would even be remark-worthy at this point. I felt both these two goofs had a good punch to them in their own way so yeah, I remember being conflicted over whether I had chosen the funniest possible flow of these three gags.

Of course, the final joke of this one, in case it wasn't obvious (I could see it being subtle for some), is that Mimi's whole running gag is she's a side character who also has existed in the comic for long before her first on-screen appearance, yet Cammie never remembers her.

#162 - New

The art and dialogue structure of the first two panels here is identical to #160. I think it being a time-saver on my workload for the week was definitely a factor - for whatever reason I needed it at the time - but I also remember going for something with that choice beyond just that... But I can't for the life of me remember what. I don't think the parallel between the two comics adds anything reading them back now.

Anyway here's Newt! I really thought at the time that he was going to be as significant an addition as Sam, and I did come up with the idea of introducing a regular male character at the time I chose to bring Sam in, with Sam's introduction - and exit - being an amusing way to introduce a surprise new character.

...Then I proceeded to never really get any super strong story ideas for him lol. More detail on that in a second. I haven't forgotten him though, frustrates me that he keeps getting sidelined!

#163 - Training

Standard behind-the-scenes retail frustration humour here. I can neither confirm nor deny how much is based on my current employment. A little detail of authenticity/flavour is that they're watching a DVD intended for widescreen on an old non-widescreen TV that's clearly been in their staff room for at least a decade. Such was the case for my painful training videos too! (It's all online now as of a few years into when I started, so some progress has been made I guess).

#164 - Huh

It's not made clear yet, but the new status quo that Sam is a receptionist at a primary school is established here - the coloured hanging letter signage on the wall that is too perspective'd to read says "WELCOME TO OUR SCHOOL".

I chose this as a job for her based simply on the fact that my Mum has often worked in school offices for most of my life. She wasn't a receptionist but it was the sort of job where I have some... vague enough memories of the "behind-the-scenes" enough to draw something along those lines when I needed to show Sam at work.

Getting back to Newt, obviously the goof here is that Cammie is just being a sore loser about her friend leaving and Newt is about the most cool-sounding interesting person you could imagine meeting. Unfortunately that involved specifically coming up with fun sounding stuff that are not super common to do or know people that do, so despite the super interesting combo of cave-diving, stand-up and polyamory these are all things I feel like I'd have to do thorough research on to represent in the actual comic accurately... which is something I'd like to do but, time is finite and I have so much pre-existing experience with being a silly nonsense person. Would you believe it, there's another character in the comic for whom that experience lends itself very well!!

Speaking of whom, the first appearance of the bell on the door in Repeat 1 Records was only a month after Cammie got the job. She works fast!

[Trivia Archive | Browse from most recent]

[decks-writing-blog]

Gordon Swap Chapter Fourteen: Ugliest Thing I've Ever Laid Eyes On

Chapter One

Previous Chapter

[A/N] I apologize for how long this chapter took to come out. It's long and needed heavy editing which had to be done in addition to my daily Halloween art so it took a while to get done. Here it finally is though! I held onto it for a bit longer with the idea of it being a Halloween treat. Happy Halloween!

~

Before getting back on the elevator, Gordon through Barney, explained to other-Gordon how exactly the reset power worked because presumably it worked the same for both of them. That they could chose the point they reset to and that it could be in the middle of battle, though with how disorienting resets could be those were hard to do without immediately dying to something else. A lull in the battle or right before one started was the ideal time to reset to. He hadn’t wanted to talk about the specifics but he’d already failed to save his alternate from the pain of death once, it could easily happen again. If it did, he needed to know how it worked so they wouldn’t end up back at the bottom and have to redo everything again.

“I assume it’s not possible otherwise you probably would’ve done it but uh…” other-Gordon began once Barney finished finished relaying Gordon’s explanation, “have you tried going back to before the Resonance Cascade? So you can like… avoid this whole entire situation.”

“Yes. Twice. It only brought me back to right after it.”

Other-Gordon nodded as Barney translated. “If the Cascade is what caused it then I suppose that makes sense. Do we know how it works across our realities or whatever? Like if I died and tried to reset to before the ambush when I lost my hand, would it work?”

Gordon shrugged. His assumption that it wouldn’t had been based off the belief that his alternate already knew of the reset power and thus would’ve tried to use it to get his hand back if he could.

Bubby butted in with, “Don’t test it. I don’t wanna forget that much shit.”

“I wasn’t planning on it. It’s not exactly something I wanna mess around with more than I have to.”

There was a lot they didn’t know about how or why it worked. Even if it was still in theory fascinating, Gordon didn’t care to know any more than he already did.

Regardless they should get a move on. The rest had been well deserved but they needed to end this as soon as possible. Gordon banged the metal on the back of his gauntlet to his forearm, getting everyone’s eyes on him. He then pointed to the elevator before leading the way up the stairs back onto it. Everyone – except for Benrey who’d taken off on his head start once other-Gordon had stood back up – followed suit.

~

While Gordon and his alternate had sat, Coomer and Bubby and apparently figured out the elevator’s controls. Which mostly meant they’d figured out how to make it ascend faster. Not as much as Gordon would’ve hoped for or even enough to make the balloon guys teleporting in on them struggle to keep up but it was still noticeably faster and thus was an improvement.

Same as before, once the fighting started, Gordon kept an eye on his alternate and on Barney on the other side of him. He wasn’t going to let himself get too lax about it this time though. If Barney died, Gordon would have to reset manually to bring him back as he was the only one of them who could properly die. And if he could help it, he’d make sure his alternate at least wouldn’t die enough to become almost used to it. Doing that made defending himself a bit harder but he could manage.

Thankfully, ever practical, Barney remained mostly on the defensive, unchanged from before. Other-Gordon seemed to have learned his lesson from his first death and stuck close to him instead of extending outward.

When they’d passed the point other-Gordon had died was hard to say but at some point it become obvious that they had to have done so without incident. Used to killing aliens by now, it wasn’t easy but it certainly wasn’t particularly difficult either. Their attackers being limited to the balloon guys made for a slightly easier time as well. Dangerous as their attacks could be, they went down fast.

Eventually they reached a landing. Gordon wouldn’t have stopped for it and just kept them going up but Coomer had placed himself in charge of the elevator’s controls.

“Why are we stopping?” other-Gordon asked a moment before a bolt of lightning from his hand sent a balloon guy who’d just teleported in spiraling down the elevator shaft.

“To explore, Gordon.” Coomer made it sound like the most normal thing in the world to do.

“There might have something useful here,” Tommy added. A more compelling argument but Gordon was a bit too busy reloading his shotgun to help in that search.

Naturally there wasn’t much to search and thus he was barely done with that and tensing for the next wave of enemies before… “Gordon, look! I found buttons! I think we should press one of them.” Coomer was obviously talking to other-Gordon but Gordon glanced over too.

He’d found more than just a button but a whole panel of them. Attached to the landing, they faced inwards towards the elevator as if meant to be pressed while on board. Gordon was too far away to see if there was any text or symbols labeling them but even if there was, it likely would’ve been in an alien language.

“Press one then,” Bubby snapped, also tense and waiting for more attackers. The lulls between waves had been getting longer again but still weren’t long enough to be worth relaxing during. Whatever they were heading towards was pressed enough for its desperation to be almost palpable. It knew it didn’t stand a chance.

“The biggest one,” Tommy said. “Press the biggest one.”

“They’re all the same size.”

“Are we sure we should be messing with it at all?” Barney asked. A fair point but…

“If it’s connected to the elevator it might get us there faster or something,” other-Gordon answered. “Or it might blow us but this tower is big enough that the chance probably worth taking. Press the one at the top of the panel.”

Coomer obeyed. There was a click and something flashed at the top of the panel. The next button down produced a similar click but instead of the panel flashing, the air around them did. Similar to the way it did when stepping through the Vonneguts portals. The biggest difference was that the elevator remained solidly beneath Gordon’s feet.

As the light faded, as always the world around them seemed dark in comparison before everything evened out. They seemed to be the same place so perhaps that had been a bad idea. Nothing bad was happening yet but…

“We’re higher up,” Tommy said. “I think. The tube is thinner.”

Now that he mentioned it, the walls, though the same in colour and texture, were closer together, the landing they were stopped at, smaller. The tower had been wider at the bottom, getting thinner as it got taller. Not a huge difference but enough to notice. From inside it was even less noticeable but they’d potentially just been saved some elevator ride time.

“Thank fuck we don’t have to ride this damn thing up the whole way. Holy shit, that would’ve sucked ass.” Bubby put it in far different terms than Gordon would’ve but it indeed was a relief to be spared from that. Assuming an entirely different kind of problem didn’t arise as a result of this. “Start us going up again so we can finish this bullshit already. I wanna go home.”

“You got it Dr. Bubby!” Coomer turned to head back to the elevator’s main control panel on the other side of it and pressed the button to send it up again.

“Why didn’t they destroy this elevator?” other-Gordon asked, breaking the relief of the teleport shortcut because he had a point. Why hadn’t their adversary broken it? “Whatever we’re trying to kill doesn’t want us to get to it, right? It’s what sending the things after us. And there wasn’t any teleport panel at the bottom where it would make sense to have one. We can presume they broke it or something but why wouldn’t they break everything else too?”

“Maybe um… maybe we have help,” Tommy suggested. “I mean the Vonneguts are helping ‘cause they uh… they want us to kill it too, right? They probably want it dead more than we do since it’s controlling them and stuff. So maybe they found a way to keep the elevator mostly intact somehow.”

“Or maybe something else is helping,” Coomer said.

“Like what?” Barney asked but he wasn’t likely to get an answer because almost as soon as he finished speaking the crackling energy of aliens teleporting filled the air around them. The lull had been nice while it had lasted.

~

Despite the obvious growing desperation of the thing trying to kill them, they made it to the next landing without anyone dying. This landing was exactly like the one from before except it had a roof above it; proof that they had indeed been teleported up. It also had a broken button panel lying near a doorway, perhaps the reason the top button hadn’t worked earlier.

Through the door was a small flight of steps. Two turns upon it had them climbing up into the open air. The top of the tower.

From afar, the claw like structures at its edges hadn’t seemed like much, even less so the ones holding the red light. Up close was an entirely different story. The red light was much bigger as well, almost painful to look at.

The tower’s purpose had to be to collect whatever Xen’s equivalent to solar energy was to convert to power. There was no other reason for such a tall structure, right? The elevator had to be for maintenance. Maybe that’s why it hadn’t been broken; destroying it would’ve been too big a sacrifice. Gordon would’ve loved to study the place more. Even more tempting was going to the edge and looking out over all of Xen.

“And we made it up here first,” other-Gordon said, lifting his hands in the air and drawing Gordon’s gaze off the edge. “I’m free. Fuck yes.”

“Congratulations Gordon!” Coomer said.

“I hate to be a spoil sport of whatever,” Bubby said, “but we don’t know if we really won yet. That over there,” he gestured to the red light, “looks like another teleporter that’s probably gonna take us to the fucker we wanna kill. Benrey might’ve already got here and gone through. It’s been like a minute since anything attacked us and that could be because the thing is busy with him.”

With a sigh, other-Gordon let his hands flop back to his sides. “Damn it. You’re right. Maybe we should uh… wait around to see though. Because if we are here first then um, it’d probably be easier to kill it with his help.”

“Or if he got here first, it gives him more time to kill it.” Bubby said. “’Cause you’re a little bitch and don’t wanna fight it, huh?”

“That too, yeah.”

“I don’t think waiting’s a good idea,” Barney said. “More of those balloon guys might come and try to fuck us up. We’re kinda low on ammo. Not like we’re immediately ‘bout to run out or anything but we really shouldn’t dawdle or spend any more of it on stuff that isn’t our main target if we can help it.”

“Plus killing them first is part of the race too. Remember Mr. Freeman?” Tommy added. “I wanna win because uh… I want him to do something nice for me.”

Waiting might not be a bad idea though. They could use a rest before stepping into a big unknown battle and whatever Benrey had going on in Xen would make him a huge help in battle if he just applied himself to it. So, if they had arrived first, it might be worth it to wait for him. A few minutes couldn’t hurt.

Gordon lifted his hands, intending to gesture Barney over to help convey those thoughts to the group. Before he could do anything more than that though, the air crackled with energy. A lot of things were teleporting in this time. And they were on stable ground now with space to move. Even so the appearance of one of the giant one eyed aliens uncomfortably close to their left sealed the deal on this not being a good place to rest.

“I do believe it’s time to leave, my good bitches,” Coomer said, somehow not sounding frightened even as he took off running with the rest of them.

As more stuff, small and large alike, teleported in around them, Gordon slowed to put himself at the back. He needed to make sure everyone got through safely. Alien bees shot from the large aliens’ arms, swarmed around them, looking for anything to bite. Fire from the giant alien’s blast licked at Gordon’s heel’s, knocking the suit’s power down by an uncomfortable chunk, even as it threatened to cook him alive inside it. Thankfully before it got bad enough to do too much damage, Tommy vanished into the red light in front him and he quickly followed.

The flash of light was red this time. It faded out to a duller red. The room was dimly lit and the walls, extending up and up to a barely seen ceiling above them, were made of redish stone. Floating in the center was a massive… something. Presumably what they were here to kill because it was clearly alive as it rotated to face them.

“Why does it look like an ancient fetus?” Bubby’s description summed it up rather well, missing only its size and disproportionately large cranium, it did look somewhat like a human fetus but with the kind of wrinkles found only on the very old.

“That has got to be the ugliest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on,” Barney said.

There wasn’t time for further conversation as it attacked. Like most of the aliens under its control, it primary means of attacking was energy based. A whole big wave of it pulsed out from under it towards them, requiring their group to scatter to dodge it.

~

Fighting something so large was made simpler in that hitting it was easy, one barely had to aim. At the same time though, its attacks were scaled to match its size, making them hard to dodge. The effort to do so combined with the size of the room made it hard to keep track of everyone. Which made the shift back to where they’d teleported in on all the more jarring.

Other-Gordon made a wordless sound of mixed despair and frustration. Damn it. Gordon had failed him again.

“Watch out Gordon!” Coomer said. “There’s little cover here so you should be fast on your feet to avoid taking damage.”

“You died again, huh?” Bubby said. “And I still don’t fucking remember, god damn it. Sucks to be you though. Also, I probably said this last time but I don’t remember it so I’m going to say it again, that thing is fucking hideous. Why does it look like an ancient fetus?”

There wasn’t space for Barney’s agreement this time or for anyone else to chime in with anything else as they had to scatter once more to avoid their adversary’s wave of energy. The exact same attack as before, seemingly no difference whatsoever. It didn’t remember the resets then? Still probably too early to tell for sure but if so, that would make it more predictable and thus easier to kill.

~

Barney was dead. It had only been a matter of time before it had happened and this was the most dangerous foe they’d faced yet. With only a bullet proof vest to protect him he’d been bored through by the boss alien’s energy orb. An almost perfect basketball sized hole was cut through his abdomen, seared closed, resulting in very little blood as he fell with a thump to the floor.

“He’s dead! What do we… We can’t just…” Other-Gordon’s panic jangled oddly against the empty calm Gordon felt. There wasn’t time to panic. It wouldn’t help. He’d blessedly never witnessed the death of someone he knew well before but it was only a worse version of what he’d seen a lot of immediately following the Resonance Cascade. He knew what to do about it.

Doing it himself wasn’t necessary. It’d be quicker and less painful but doing that where people who would remember could see didn’t sit well with him. So instead he let the next wave of energy hit him.

The HEV suit absorbed it, healing what damage it did do. Its display flashed at 0% percent power and 12% medi-gel capacity. He tensed, waiting for the next one.

“Oh fuck you’re gonna…” The rest of what other-Gordon was going to say was drowned out by the pain shooting through Gordon’s body as an energy orb pushed through him. It felt like it was melting his insides. His scream as always was silent and cut off as time reset to shortly before Barney died.

As soon as he got his bearings, he long jumped over and grabbed Barney by his upper arm, pulling him out of the way just in time. “Whoa, that was a close one. Thanks.”

“Holy shit.” Other-Gordon had come back over too. “That was fucked up.”

“What happened?” Barney asked, accurately catching on that he’d missed something.

Gordon wouldn’t have answered even if he’d been easily able to. Instead he just patted Barney on the shoulder before moving away. If other-Gordon wanted to tell, he could, but probably, hopefully, he wouldn’t.

~

Coomer died too. He’d decided he wanted to punch the thing, resulting in him being too close when it summoned a wave of energy. Gordon was too far away to see the extent of the damage but the way he fell limp like a rag doll was hard to read as anything other than death.

Not wanting to get hit by the ancient alien fetus’ attack again, Gordon holstered his Tau Canon to grab his pistol instead. He lowered his helmet and…

“Hello, not-Gordon!”

Flinching, he snapped around to face Coomer. How had he gotten behind him? He looked perfectly fine too, not just alive but unharmed. There was more going on with him than just his implants bringing him back. What though? And was it related to his premonitions about the resets?

“Lowering your helmet right now isn’t a wise move. And I’m not sure how effective a dinky little pistol is going to be against such a beast but you do you, friend. I’m going to punch it!” With that he bounded off to indeed punch it again.

Okay then. Gordon would wonder more about him later. For now he put his helmet back up and switched back to a more powerful weapon.

~

After that, upon witnessing Bubby fall, Gordon didn’t immediately reach for his pistol or prepare to die. He just kept an eye over in that direction for the next few minutes until… Bubby got up again. It wasn’t smooth but he brushed himself off and adjusted his glasses before getting back to focusing on the task at hand.

Intentionally getting closer to Tommy was easy. He was dodging along with the rest of them but wasn’t particularly great at it. He got clipped by more than a few things. None of it seemed to bother him much. He was the most mysterious of all of them. Good for him regardless. It must be nice to be immortal.

Where was Benrey though? There was no way he’d gotten bored and decided to abandon the race, right? It just didn’t seem like him. Something was wrong. Unfortunately Gordon didn’t have time to worry about him right now. Keeping himself, his alternate and Barney alive were much more immediately addressable problems. Hopefully Benrey was okay though.

~

Even with it being six versus one, their foe wasn’t easy to take down. Its attention shifted randomly, occasionally focusing hard on one of them or just sending out waves of stuff seemingly in hopes of getting all of them. The question of whether or not their attacks were doing much damage were answered by the fact that it bled. Not a lot at first but more and more over time. Anything that bled could die. Which didn’t mean it would stay dead. Coming back from such had somehow become a common trait amongst the people Gordon knew. But they had to try to kill it in hopes of it staying dead.

Unsurprisingly, other-Gordon died again despite Gordon’s best efforts. This time he had the wherewithal to set his reset point only a short time back. Just long for Gordon to lose track of where he was and what was happening around him, resulting in his own painful death. There were downsides to two people having this power, huh? Nothing they could do about that though except do their best to not die in the first place.

Shortly after that Barney went down again too, necessitating another reset to save him. After it happened a third time, Gordon would’ve insisted he leave the battle entirely if such were possible. There wasn’t anywhere to hide though and the room was large but not large enough for anywhere within it to be substantially safer than anywhere else. So he just had to stick near Barney and reset to save him whenever he died.

~

Their dwindling ammo reserves added to the tension of the fight. Before entering Xen, the Lambda scientists had promised supply drops would be sent in after them, as close to their location as was possible. None had ever come. What they’d brought on their persons coupled with the boon Barney and other-Gordon had found in the research outpost had gotten them this far, helped along by Coomer’s enjoyment of punching things and other-Gordon’s newfound lightning powers. It wouldn’t last much longer though.

Resetting to the start of the battle and encouraging everyone to be as conservative as possible with their ammo was an option. An unappealing one however. The thing was hurt, dripping with yellow puss-like blood. It pooled beneath it in a puddle deep enough to splash when stomped in even despite its thickness. That only made it more frantic though, desperate to fend off its attackers. Like a cornered boar, it was more dangerous than ever. They needed to end it fast.

Having already used all the ammo for his powerful weaponry, the most damaging thing Gordon had left was several packs of C4 and three grenades. Not exactly easy stuff to use against a being floating several feet in the air even if it was quite a bit lower than it had been at the start of the fight. Tossing them and trying to time their explosions for maximum damage would’ve taken practice to get the timing right on and more importantly would be quite hard with also having to not get hit by anything. Leaving only one option if Gordon wanted to use them. A stupid risky one but everything he’d done following putting that wretched sample into the anti-mass spectrometer had led to this moment. He was going to kill it no matter what it took. And then finally he could rest and be free. This horrid nightmare would be over.

First, communicating through Barney, he told Tommy to get and keep its attention. Which he chose to do via moving himself onto one of the springy pads of Xen flora they’d hitherto been avoiding as being airborne wasn’t desirable. Once he got a good bounce going he began shouting insults at it. Not particularly biting insults judging based off his first on being, “You’re ugly and you smell bad,” but it most likely couldn’t understand him anyway so it didn’t matter. Probably the bouncing more than the shouting did get its attention though.

Basically free to move around behind it, Gordon found another springy pad. A couple jumps had him going high enough to land on one of the bits of rock jutting out from one of the walls, creating a little platform about on level with their adversary’s head. There wasn’t enough room for a proper running head start but he did as best he could with the space he had. Thanks to the long jump jetpack he just barely made it atop the thing’s head.

The flesh beneath him softer than he’d expected, he stumbled as he landed, almost immediately tumbling off and ruining the whole plan. But letting himself fall forward, he caught himself on this hands and knees even as it shrieked in anger, thrashing beneath him. Not daring to stand, he crawled forward until he was sliding down onto its face.

Earlier, Bubby had gotten a few well aimed rockets right into one of its eyes, leaving its socket a gaping bloody mess. Beady for its size and moving, it had been quite impressive especially since it had also taken the last of their rocket ammo, the most limited of their resources from the get go. Gordon aimed for that one, catching himself on the edge of it. Up close and personal with it, it was much bigger but still not as much as he would’ve liked. It was slick with yellowy blood, making for poor grip especially with its thrashing. But its wrinkly loose skin provided a grip for his boots to dig into, steadying him slightly. And thus he was able to brace himself just enough to quickly jam his bundle of C4 into the socket, two of his grenades already tied to it, as deep as he could force it. His third grenade, he pulled the pin off with his teeth before shoving that in too. Just in time before his hold broke and he was falling.

This was going to suck. The fall wouldn’t kill him but no doubt it was already preparing to take advantage of how it would stun him. But hopefully it wouldn’t get a chance to. A stupid crazy idea but if it’d failed, he could just…

Its eye socket blew up. The sound was muffled by its flesh but not enough to not be deafening. An entire quarter of its massive head was blown wide open, splattering, blood, brain matter, and bits of its skull everywhere, leaving a massive hole. All movement ceased, the light of its manifesting energy wave fading, it fell, its hindquarters hitting the ground with a meaty thump.

Victory! He’d done it! It was dead! The nightmare was over!

A moment before Gordon hit the ground too, he froze midair. The sudden silence was just as deafening as the explosion had been. His ears ringing was the only assurance that his hearing implants hadn’t failed after all this time. The light vanished, plunging him into utter darkness.

Oh no. Could the ancient alien fetus reset too? That couldn’t be what this was, could it? If it came back, Gordon was going to… He didn’t know what, lose whatever remained of his sanity probably.

Light returned. He was standing now on a small island, floating through Xen, far from the main land. Before him stood the man in a suit with a brief case. A relief in that the thing clearly didn’t seem to be coming back but… what was going on?

“Good work Dr. Freeman. You’ve proven yourself quite competent. I have taken the liberty of relieving you of your weapons, they are government property after all. The suit, however, I feel you’ve earned it, don’t you?”

Gordon looked down at himself. His weapons were indeed gone, even the crowbar despite it being from Black Mesa as had been the pistol. Damn it. He’d killed the thing he’d set out to kill so that should be fine but… it didn’t feel fine in the slightest. A trauma thing no doubt, making him feel like he needed a weapon. But also, whatever this guy was, he had the power to transport him and vanish his weaponry in what had felt like little more than a eye blink. He was dangerous.

“I’d planned for this whole… thing,” he gestured vaguely around himself, “to go differently. I’d intended to get straight to business but now I have another obligation to attend first. I had to… pull a few strings to ensure you got the chance to prove yourself the way I’d hope you would. Well, one string, really.”

The world faded into blackness again. It was like the inverse of the human and Vonnegut teleport; darkness instead a flash of blinding light as the world shifted. Light returned. They were no longer in Xen but instead floating through a black void in what looked like one of Black Mesa’s tram cars, standing near the front of it.

“… doesn’t count,” a familiar voice was saying from behind Gordon. He turned to see… Benrey. Shrunk down to a normal human size, he sat in the aisle seat on what was the right side of the tram for Gordon. Standing in the aisle was other-Gordon, clearly the person he was talking to. Sitting next to him was a child, her legs curled up to her chin as she slept curled up, obscuring her face somewhat but not enough that Gordon didn’t recognize her. Alyx. Good, she was alive. Not so good, why was she tangled up in whatever was going on here?

Benrey perked up from his slouched position. “Him.” He pointed at the suited man. “That’s the guy. I reached the top of the tower, first… I think and then uh… he intercepted me and brought me here. Now I’m all… ugh, like this and stuff. Then he brought the kid and told her to keep me occupied or whatever. And then she started crying which is bad, isn’t it? When kids cry, you’re supposed to make them stop, right? So I couldn’t figure out how to get back ‘cause I had to make her stop crying and stuff so um… we gotta redo the race.”

Other-Gordon, also bereft of what little weaponry he’d been carrying, including his crowbar, was silent for a beat or two before turning to address Gordon. “First, you’re the coolest guy I’ve ever known. That was badass.”

Even despite everything wrong here, that had Gordon straightening his shoulders. He wasn’t prideful or cocky by any means but hearing that from his alternate was still something special. He’d suffered a lot to get that skill and confidence in battle but that only meant he was allowed to enjoy when others were impressed by them, right? Also, they’d won. They couldn’t celebrate yet because they had to sort this out first but they’d still won. Finally, it was over.

“Second, no, we are not redoing the race. Fuck everything about that idea. We’ll call it a draw or if you’re gonna be a bitch about it, we’ll just say you won and the leave it at that. Because I’m not fucking doing any that again. Third, what the fuck is going on here?” This was addressed to the suited man, still standing at the front of the tram car, facing all of them. Gordon stepped to the side so his back wouldn’t be to him.

“You,” suited man said, addressing other-Gordon, “were supposed to kill him.” He pointed to Benrey.

“Huh? Why?” Benrey asked.

“Yeah, why?” other-Gordon repeated.

“It’s… a long story. You wouldn’t happen to be open to such a thing now, would you?”

“What? No. Fuck him and all that but I’m not gonna kill him just because you told me to.”

“Alas, that’s what I thought. I suppose you may keep him for now then. Also, please do mind your language, Dr. Freeman. There’s a child present.”

“Da- darn it. Fine. Sorry.”

Said child was waking up, probably due to how loud other-Gordon had been speaking. She looked up and around. “Mom?” Eli had been in the lab, meaning Azian had to have been home with Alyx when the Resonance Cascade happened. The fact that they were separated now didn’t bode well.

Gordon turned towards her and waved a hand to get her attention. Eli and Azian were teaching her sign language but she was still young and so he made sure to make his signs slow and clear. “Do you know where your mom is?”

She shook her head a beat before lifting a hand to reply with a proper signed, “No.”

“We’ll find her.” That might be a lie but what else could Gordon say? He certainly intended to find her. If she was dead though… well he could reset to bring her back. How far back would he have to go to do so though? And could he actually do anything to save her even if he went as far back as was possible? He was certainly going to look for her though.

He turned to suited guy. “Why is she here?”

“Don’t worry about that right now, Dr. Freeman. Instead, because you’ve met and befriended my son, I am obligated to invite you to his birthday party. It’s a surprise party. I called ahead and reserved the whole Chuck E. Cheese for it.”

Other-Gordon groaned before sinking into the chair in the aisle across from where Benrey still sat, putting his head in his hands. “Are you kidding? We just got done going through all that bull- … all that nonsense and now you expect us to go to a surprise birthday party for your son? We don’t even know him.”

“Oh I assure you, you do. Enough that he’d be quite sad if you don’t show. Tommy I believe is the name you know him by.”

Now that he mentioned it, he and Tommy did share a resemblance. That made sense given Tommy’s immortality. Both he and this guy were some new kind of alien, one that could take on the guise of being human.

“Okay. Great. It’s Tommy’s birthday and he’s having a party. Can’t it wait though? That was… all that… well it was a lot. I wanna rest.” Other-Gordon sounded about as tired as Gordon felt. That final fight had indeed been a lot. And other-Gordon had died more often than Gordon had during it and thus it had to have been even more of an ‘a lot’ for him.

“It’s today though. Now, hurry up, you don’t wish to be late, do you?” Suit guy gestured to the door. It slid open, revealing an glowing green doorway.

“Chuck E. Cheese?” Benrey asked, craning his head to look through the doorway without getting up from his seat.

“Yes. I suppose, you’re invited too, by default. As are you Ms. Alyx Vance. I’m afraid I won’t be able to let you remember any of this but it can’t hurt to let you come along anyway since everyone else is going. Or at least they better be.”

Gordon didn’t like the sound of that promise or the implied threat at the end. Sadly there wasn’t anything he could do about it other than not like it though. They were more in this guy’s power than was at all comfortable.

“Well Mom and Dad be there?” Alyx asked.

“No. Now please do hurry up, everyone else is already there and waiting for us.”

Benrey stood. “Uh… we’ll talk more ‘bout the race later, ‘kay Feetman? C’mon kiddo, let’s go get pizza, huh?” He gestured for Alyx to join him and surprisingly she did, sliding off the chair and following him through the portal.

Belatedly, other-Gordon lifted his head to look after him. “Did he just call me ‘Feetman’? What the… you know what? Whatever, I don’t care.” He put his head back in his hands.

Gordon could relate. With the adrenaline of fight and how unsure this new situation was having faded, even the fact that they’d won wasn’t enough to override the bone deep weariness. It had been a long however many days. This wasn’t a good place to curl up and cry themselves to sleep about it though.

He went over and patted other-Gordon on the shoulder, getting him to look up at him. First he gestured to the two of them before pointing to the portal. A party wasn’t ideal but there would be food and it presumably wouldn’t be in the void or whatever this new place was. There didn’t seem to be anyone other way out of here other than that portal.

Other-Gordon blinked up at him a couple times before he seemed to get it. “Yeah, yeah, where else would we fucking go right now, huh? Also, we probably shouldn’t trust Benrey with whoever’s kid that was.” He accepted Gordon’s offered hand to help pull him to his feet. His alien hand was awkward to hold but it was still cool. Gordon was almost jealous of it.

He shot one last look at suit guy, impassively waiting for them to go through. There were few people Gordon trusted less. He was Tommy’s dad though so maybe he at least didn’t have malicious intentions for them as Tommy’s friends. Nothing Gordon could do about it right now if he did though so he gestured his alternate to go through the portal first before following.

~

Next Chapter

[mostlysignssomeportents]

The Lost Cause prologue, part III

I'm coming to Minneapolis! Oct 15: Presenting The Internet Con at Moon Palace Books. Oct 16: Keynoting the 26th ACM Conference On Computer-Supported Cooperative Work and Social Computing.

My next novel is The Lost Cause, a solarpunk adventure about "the first generation in a century that doesn't fear the future." It comes out on Nov 14, and its early fans include Naomi Klein:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865939/the-lost-cause

Amazon won't sell my audiobooks, so I made my own, doing the narration this time around. I'm running a Kickstarter campaign to pre-sell the audiobook, ebook and hardcovers, including signed, personalized hardcovers – I hope you'll consider backing it:

http://lost-cause.org/

This week, I'm serializing the prologue to the book.

Here's part one:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/06/green-new-deal-fic/#the-first-generation-in-a-century-not-to-fear-the-future

And part two:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/07/met-cute-ugly/#part-ii

I woke at noon, the house hot because Gramps had left the blinds up in the front room, and ever since the big live oak had been cut up and taken away for blight, we’d lost its shade.

I used the bathroom, pulled on shorts and a tee, and went looking for breakfast, or brunch, or whatever.

“Gramps?”

He didn’t answer. That was weird. Gramps was a late riser and he rarely got up before ten, and then he took a long time to get going, listening to his podcasts and drinking coffee and sending memes around to his buddies with his giant tablet, with the type zoomed way, way up. He didn’t like going out in the heat, either, so in the summer he rarely left the house before four or five, once the sun was low to the hills. He’d left his coffee cup in the sink and his tablet on the table, so I knew he’d gone in a hurry. He hated dirty dishes and hated dead batteries even more.

I put his stuff away and thawed out some waffles and got a big iced coffee from the cold-­brew jug I kept in the fridge and started the process of becoming human.

I gobbled my first waffle before the emotional weight of the previous night settled on me. Those emotions were way too big, so big that they all layered on top of each other, leaving me with nothing but numbness.

I did the reflex thing and pulled out my screen, giving myself a brief sear of shame for my mindless screen-­handling, just as I’d been trained to do in mindfulness class. That was enough to prompt me to run through the checklist: Do I need to look at my screen? Do I need to look at it now? What do I hope to find? When will I be done? I answered the questions (Yes, yes, news about last night, when I’ve looked at two or three stories), and then unlocked it, but didn’t look at it until I’d poured myself another glass of coffee.

Two hours later, there was no coffee left and my eyes hurt from screenburn. I dropped my screen, came out of my trance, and stood up.

I’d gone viral. Or rather, Mike had.

My post had been picked up, first in Burbank, then statewide, then nationally, then internationally. Amateur comedians had edited the footage into highlight reels, moments chosen to demonstrate just how idiotic and hateful he was. Someone made a White Nationalist Bingo Card whose every square had a quote from Mike Kennedy. There were lots of jokes about inbreeding, hillbillies, musket-­fuckers and ammosexuals, master race masturbation, senility, removable boomers—­all the age-­and class-­ based slurs that we weren’t allowed to say in school, but that everyone busted out as soon as we were off the property. It was pretty gross, but on the other hand, I couldn’t exactly argue with them. Bottom line was, Mike Kennedy had been up on that roof for no good reason, and he’d been ready to kill me to let him finish his stupid, senseless project. So yeah, fuck that guy. I guess.

I was pleased to see that I came off as a hero, with strangers around the world praising me for my cool head, saying I’d saved his life.

I put my plate in the dishwasher and wiped up my crumbs and checked the clock on the kitchen wall—­I’d always loved its plain analog face with its thick and thin lines, the yellowing AC cord that came off it. It had belonged to Gramps’s own parents, and it was the only thing in the house I considered anything like an heirloom.

It was coming up on one and if I showered fast and ran, I could make my physics class. I decided to go for it, had the fastest shower in history, pulled on whatever was on the top of my dresser drawers, and sprinted for the street.

I was just jogging up to the entrance to Burroughs when I got a screen chime, which stopped me because, like all the students, I’d installed the school app that turned off audible alarms while I was on property during school hours. It wasn’t mandatory, but the punishment for having an alarm in class was confiscation, so . . .

I pulled out my screen as I panted by the doorway, mopping my face with my shirttail. It was a text from Burbank PD, informing me that Mike Kennedy was headed for a bail hearing in two hours, and I was entitled to present a victim impact statement, either recorded or in person. I’d known that the police could override the school app (there was a kid in my class whose parole office sometimes paged him, and the fact that he audibly dinged was just part of the package, I figured—­a way to remind us all that this kid had fucked up bad), but I hadn’t expected them to ping me, let alone on school property.

I tapped out a quick thanks-­no-­thanks, and headed to physics.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/09/working-the-refs/#lost-cause-prologue

My next novel is The Lost Cause, a hopeful novel of the climate emergency. Amazon won't sell the audiobook, so I made my own and I'm pre-selling it on Kickstarter!

[macgyvertape]

Castlevania Nocturn s1 thoughts/liveblog

This season more like Castlevania: colonialism, and power structures that support it

For a Symphony of the Night adaptation the inclusion of symphonic and operatic music was fantastic, especially the attention to the times the music was diegetic vs nondiegetic

Really enjoyed how many outfit changes characters got, I really want some meta about the Emissary's costume changes because she has a wide range of outfits from modern to 2 different historical ones.

Favorite plotline: the whole Orlox/Mizrak relationship and both characters (it probably seems obvious based on what I focused on), least favorite plotline Richter gets his mojo/magic back based on processing grief aka vibes

Felt much more like a coming of age story line for the protagonists, and (without checking a timeline) them a few years younger than the series 1 Trevor/Sypha /Alucard

This show really balanced well the introduction of the cosmic threat (cat goddess filling Dracula’s place) vs local threat (Emissary here vs leader night creature s1 of main show) in a way I haven't seen since s1 of the original show

more liveblog notes below cut

I knew going in Olrox was gay, a fan favorite favorite of blogs I check, and had gifs portraying him sympathetically. Funny how that probably influenced my initial impression of the opening

Lmao of course the abbey is on the evil vampire side considering I saw gifs beforehand of one of the guys with Olrox. (edit: funny that Olrox isn’t with the main vampire group at that time in the season, so I was right about the alliance for the wrong reason) 

I like how the Emissary's clothing is so modern I can't tell if she's wearing hoof heels or has cloven feet

Edouard’s singing sounded super awkward without musical backing, sure the fact its Dido's lament is foreshadowing. 

Edouard has a tailcoat, I didn’t expect to see it during this time period considering this is before the Regency. Olrox is wearing a frock coat, that’s older style?

Oooh wish they had done the fight to Vivaldi’s summer presto instead and made it nondiegetic music vs generic action music

Devil forgemaster automation!? Note to self check when first steam engine is and the Victorian times which is when I usually thing steam/magic punk

Also lmao Olrox gets the last word again

Ok so they have the French aristocrat vampires doubling as confederate vampires with the explicit colonialism slavery

Do we get more evil lesbian vampries with a take over the world plan?

I’m glad night creatures are a thing here too, its such fun monster designs

Real inversion of Castlevania’s Isaac having forge mastering be freedom from slavery and here it be a process used by the institution of the church as a method of slavery

How does “we need a plan” mean “children with no experience of the world and no experience of the hard choices adults make” in Annette’s response and not have a response because the subject changes??? Like Richter has a point about snapshot moral decisions, 2 or 4 doesn’t have experience so they should really work out any difference of opinion

Oh no the last alive mother figure keeps being helpful that’s a death flag 

Damn lol Olrox and abbey sword guy were dtf Grindr quick. Ass shot!! lmao having that final conversation about demons and Olrox is doing it leaning back, legs spread, dick out 

Can’t wait to see how it goes paying that price, what demon and Olrox’s seemingly invested question “will you [pay the price]” edit: season 1 seems to have ended demon consequence free

The world building this season seems so much richer and broader than the previous Castlevania series, all these different types of demons, magic users, gods, and spirits

Nick pick note: ok the waterproofing can’t be good enough for water to not flow down the staircase into the cellars and give away the secret passage. ask me how I know water loves to travel into basements

I'm enjoying the Emissary's ahistorical fashion in modern club/bdsm gear. Holy shit the “all about sex with you priests, every orifice I have has teeth” holy shit vagina dentata. I literally had to rewind to make sure I heard that correctly 

When Maria’s mother was pushing the stone and talking about being there for people she loves I was thinking “wow considering the hair colors for Maria it  would be funny if the Abbot was her father because it would explain why Maria’s mother, a speaker, would be so defensive of him. But surely they won’t be that tropey predictable” then as soon as the eyes met I was like LMAO

Interesting that Olrox chose then to step in vs letting Mizrak fight Belmont, since maybe he’d be better off letting the Emissary get killed

Love vampires talking with vampires about being an immortal being trapped in the shadows as they power play each other 

“You’re the one with the brand on your forehead” this was such a metal af scene burning the slaver vampire in a cage of crosses. Especially the extremely distorted fisheye focus on the symbol that distort’s the vampries face even creepier 

Oh that’s a good shot of Maria being visually isolated in the black of the Abotts’s cloak when she learns he’s her father, with a bit of visual exaggeration.  The selected impressionism animation in this series is great

The Emissary is now in her second period style outfit (red militaryish tailcoat) the first being the black outfit worn for the funeral/graveyard that looked a lot more rococo aristocratic 

Wait wat, so the vampire messiah look like a white woman with red hair wearing double side petticoats in the European aristocrat style, who has a Russian name and was living in snowy Russia, but she’s talking like she is Sekhmet despite having no Egyptian characteristics at all. Like she looks nothing like the Emissary who is Egyptian. What’s up with that?

Grandpa Belmont is somehow beating “I attacked my son and devastated a country Dracula” in worst hurting a family member reaction to grief IMO

Lacrimosa is GOATed really just best choice to include for this moment especially how they did it with nondiegetic string accompaniment in Edouard’s PoV but that cuts out with the shift to Mizrak/Olrox PoV

“I love everything about adding tension to the relationship and denial of feelings with: "is [turning me into a vampire without permission] what you had planned for me" “Of course not… I’m not in love with you”

Fucking gun axe, and did the vampires just sit around listening to the family drama to know so much 

Nooo don’t hang a lampshade on an ending line be “witty, cunning, and brutal” then say “fuck it” which fits the standard 

Power play the Messiah calling Olrox a dragon when he turned into a Quetzalcoatl in ep1, and then doing a show of force to force him from an insincere bow into a deep on. You can tell he’s fucking pissed off

“Just read the fucking book” and Orlox gets the last word again lmao

Lmao the very on the nose bible verse lines “lift up thy feat” when the birds lift Maria up, the line about slipping after she nearly slips. Wonder what was done first; picking the psalm (Psalms 73:2-5) or the animation direction?

So I thought the vampire messiah was supposed to be an a fraud in identity, but damn she can control the moon. Or was Selhmet not a delusion but a actual magic being waiting to possess her and take over, as seen by the physical transformation to part cat?

I guess Orlox does care enough for Mizrak to get involved awww

Ah the establishing shot visible proof of the limit to the eclipse which doesn’t even cover all of France 

Love the angst breakup, Orlox/Mizrak favorite ship in the whole show

It felt obvious the mother figure character wouldn’t last the whole season but I wasn’t expecting her to be turned

Word Effect where The Emissary is built up as a power threat the whole season then she’s 1 hit KO to show Alucard’s power 

[chibivesicle]

Trigun Stampede Episode 12 - July does go boom

That’s right we reached the end of this paradoxically paced anime known as Trigun Stampede.  The episode tied up pretty much how I expected it to.  We knew that Vash would have to emerge from stasis to fight Knives and blow up the third city, July.  I fully admit that this will be the last episode from Stampede that I’ll watch.  Even if more episodes were green lit for past the two year time skip from the original Fifth Moon incident which was now changed to the July incident.

https://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2023-03-25/trigun-stampede-anime-teases-final-phase-coming-soon/.196428

This is where my Stampede episode review metas will stop and I’ll get back to a few asks. I’ll likely slide back to some Trigun Maximum meta and focus on Kekkai Sensen/Blood Blockade Battlefront more.  ‘Cause, man, Kekkai Sensen has some great points to look at.

The episode has a cold open and more of a flashback/Vash’s current mental state while frozen. 

Edit update:  The following passage is incorrect!  I had assumed based on body language and dialogue that it was Vash who was the cowboy dreamer.  It was actually Nai! However, this annoys me more since it seems sort of OOC for Knives to be so into this idea when all of our previous flashbacks have him being subdued and dour while Vash is energetic and chatty.  I even watched this scene three times and didn’t even notice >_< which means I really was going for the vibes here.  It also makes me annoyed that for how heavy handed they were with storytelling, I admittedly never quite noticed the difference between the two of them.  This flashback further confuses me since the entire crux of the episode is the fight between Vash and Knives and it is Vash who finally shows us his gunslinger skills in action.  And that the manga really highlights the fact that Vash never goes beyond seeing himself as a simple gunslinger as opposed to Knives leveled up plant abilities.  However, my statement of the talking about the Wild West remains correct as Studio Orange is telling you they are going to a ‘Wild West’.

We see him excited about a American mythological Wild West where he’s a cowboy protecting his friends finger guns and all while Nai states he doesn’t like this concept.

This is yet another case of Studio Orange not using look and don’t tell but instead tell and look at what I’m telling you.  I’ve begun to wonder if part of the issues that I felt arose with this adaptation of Trigun Stampede is how Yasuhiro Nightow is an artist who really leans heavily into the show don’t tell type of storytelling.  He gives you a lot of visuals and it is up to you, the viewer/reader to figure out what it means.  That’s why I’m wondering if this is a sort of artistic vision/storytelling disconnect in addition to what is a rather phoned in version of Trigun.  The fact that this episode is called ‘High Noon at July’ and gets labeled as episode 0 captures all of what I’ve said.  They take an American Western Media Myth, High Noon, and combine it with a prequel concept for Vash’s $$60 billion bounty for destroying July.  I’m sure picking a Gary Cooper movie from 1952 required a quick Google for that reference from the post-WWII Hollywood media industrial complex.

Rem tells the twins that she loves them and the usual from her still underdeveloped character this many episodes in. 

The action returns to Meryl watching as - oh god, it turned out to be true, that Knives was gonna go touch that plant core and impregnate all the plants with souls so that they could give birth to independents.

Meryl tries to shoot the bullet proof glass to wake Vash up while Conrad tells her it isn’t possible.  Of course, we know that Vash is going to have to wake up from his frozen state and prevent this terrible plan of Knives.

He goes on and he penetrates that core with his long knife tendrils.  Yep, I went with the terrible pun there.

As the giant tree continues to grow, Wolfwood watches from a great distance and Zazie flees but has enough time to chat with them.  Zazie has concluded that the twins will have the entire planet and humans are done for, but is concerned enough that all of the worms are fleeing as well whatever may happen.  Wolfwood is out of smokes, so he groans implying he needs to walk back to July to help out or do something.  Meryl realizes that the only one who can stop Millions Knives is Vash himself. 

The action returns to his mind where he’s humming a song that Nai asks him where he heard it.  This must be in reference to Rem’s favorite song from the manga and what in the ‘98 anime is the song Sound Life.  The song is what allows Vash to regain control of his mind and memories as a single flower appears in his palm and he runs away from Nai realizing he used Rem’s words to manipulate him.  As he flees from Knives, Vash ages while he chases a wind like flower petal manifestation of Rem.  Rem’s voice apologizes for leaving Vash as he chases after her.

Rem thanks him for remembering her and then also says the following:

“Thank you for protecting my dreams and my hopes . . . Vash.”  that’s great Rem, but Studio Orange never actually had a flashback where you told us your dreams and hopes.  We know you wanted Vash and Nai to blend in and not be noticed at independent plants but never once did we get enough of Rem’s moral code and backstory to know that Vash was protecting it.  I’m disappointed that never once did we get Rem’s quote that “Everyone’s future is a blank [train] ticket.” Implying that no one knows what destination they will end up at and what may happen.

Vash snaps out of his trance, thus reversing the energy flow back into his black hole ability.  The higher plant dimension spits Knives back out into reality as the flower petal turns red on Vash’s heart and that of the giant plant like being also showing a red glowing heart.  With the perfect timing of things, Knives almost kills Meryl but Vash is able to save her.  He is trying to condense all that plant inter-dimensional power down into a little cube and holds it in his left hand while aiming his gun at Knives.  Now, he has his recognizable spiky hair, worthy of Wolfwood’s nickname for him, Tongari.

And for the first time in these twelve episodes, I recognize Vash the Stampede.  No, I don’t mean his spiky hair.  I mean his body language, facial expression and tone of voice.  This is the side of Vash we never saw until now and it feels like it was far too late.  At 8:30 seconds or so, the fight between Vash and Knives has begun in earnest.  We see Vash shooting at Knives and performing his rapid fire gunslinger skills.

Of course, Conrad is there to point out that the cube that Vash made is just a giant inter dimensional energy bomb which is a problem.

The fight between the brothers moves outside and Meryl and Conrad chase after them, but Meryl almost slips off the roof only to be saved by Wolfwood, who still feels like he owes Roberto for those smokes.

Here, Wolfwood is filling in for Milly, pointing out the obvious that they are no match for Vash and Knives and they need to get the fuck out of town.  We get a rather dynamic scene of Wolfwood frantically leaping out of the way which is well animated.  There is no comedy in this entire sequence save for when Wolfwood steps on the face of the nameless terrible July MP.

As the fight between Knives and Vash escalates, Vash is able to grow out a left wing, while Knives has no problem flying with his single right wing and his knives on the other half of his body.  Not entirely sure how either of them are able to fly with a single wing - in Trigun Maximum they can manifest a full set of wings for flight and the whole dramatic point at the end of the manga is how both brother’s lose a wing and have to work together to safely land after their final battle.

Vash continues to push himself and eventually manifests his angel arm on the right.

Sadly, it seems that Vash’s angel wing aspect completely lacks the creepy factor of the original for a more dark floral organic look than terrifyingly biblical.  Meryl thankfully is able to return to her quick wit and tell us that Vash is going to release the energy into space and the brothers continue to fight over the little energy cube.

Conrad then activates a sort of ship from the top of the tower to escape from the city.  Dang, I was wrong about him dying in this episode.  I guess we have to keep the scientist alive so that he can collect the badly wounded Knives and pop in him a light bulb to recharge.

As they fly up into the atmosphere, Knives continues to argue for his ideal world of independent plants and not being slaves to humanity.  He’s disappointed that all Vash can reply is that he’ll keep running until he doesn’t have to anymore.

And again, we get a visual which seems more like Vash, his dopey comedic approach to things.  Finally, Vash cries as he explains that he’s Vash the Stampede and that he only has a disappointing answer for Knives after over 100 years.

Vash yells at Knives to let go, who wants to somehow use the energy to re-enter the plant dimension.  We got a long and annoying monologue as Knives slowly burns all the skin from his body down to a skeleton that is still able to talk.

Knives appears to be destroyed as Vash crashes right back into the city where it explodes with his impact.  It is amazing that Vash was able to survive that free fall into the ground, when his past angel arm situations were all with him standing in the middle of the blast zone.

However, this achieves the original starting point, his 60 billion double dollar bounty for destroying July and 90% of the population.  Since Conrad escaped, we have room for the return of more of the Gung ho Guns.  Meryl stops by a small monument with a photo of Vash, Wolfwood, Roberto and herself as well as a pack of cigarettes likely left there by Wolfwood before her. 

As she drives off, her boss calls into let her know to come pick up a newbie who wants to work with her, Milly Thompson and is threatened to be given a new job with the Insurance Society if she doesn’t cooperate. 

Vash as Eriks plays a piano while a young lady tells him it is okay if he doesn’t remember anything and that he’s safe with her in a more traditional Western Style Saloon that is empty save for the two of them.

As the special ED song plays we get a view from one of the moons and dialogue from the space ships from earth preparing to warp to their location.  Does this mean Luida and Brad where able to ask for help?  We hear the voice of Chronica the most independent of the independents able to resist the Knives in Trigun Maximum.

However, for me with this ending my time with Trigun Stampede has come to an end and I won’t be watching whatever comes after this.  At the end of the day, this demo for Studio Orange’s technical skill did not win me over with a series that is near and dear to my heart.

I got less than one entire episode of an actual Vash the Stampede in all twelve episodes.  Just because Studio Orange went with a more serious tone, it tried to take itself too seriously and fell flat on its face.  Vash’s zany antics were how he hid all of his pain and trauma as well as sometimes him just being himself.

The idea for his hair to shift due to the shock was not unexpected, tons of people were predicting this change in him.  But, just like the removal of the white lily for Tessla from Rem, we lost the fact that Rem styled Vash’s hair like her dead significant other and therefore, Vash continued to style his hair like that with Rem in mind.

Meryl looks tougher at the end, but will we see that follow through since she was super uwu waifu in this.  I’m also afraid of what they’d do with Milly as she is a very unique character for current anime aesthetics. 

And this time, I was able to catch the graphic on the cup/ashtray!  I had noticed it at the beginning but forgot to go back and check it.  Hello there Sonic the Speed Monkey and member of Libra!  Right next to the single Derringer.

I’m now more offended since we get our Sonic reference twice in Stampede and zero Kuroneko-sama?!?!  Come on, where is god in all her elegant feline glory?

Overall opinion on Trigun Stampede

All in all, I’d rate this anime as average at best.  If I had to give it a score 5/10.  If you had absolutely know idea of the original, you’d likely rate it higher.

Was it well animated?  Yes.  Unbelievably so.  The fight sequences were fluid and dynamic.  Depending on the character, the facial expressions were great.

Was it well voice acted? Decent.  I didn’t get that sense of chemistry from other series I enjoy, but it was fine.  I’ve heard train wrecks of shows before and this was not anything bad.  It was professional and got the point across.

Music? Overall, the OP and ED were fine.  However, the OST fell way short for a number of reasons in my opinion.  1.) It would be compared to the original OSTs which are some of the top from the 90s - period. 2.) It aligned with the vision for the show more closely and drew on the Western inspiration as opposed to the sci-fi.  It is hard to top parts of the OST.  Can I remember any part of this OST or associate it with a certain character?  No.  I should be able to tie tracks to characters or situations by the end of a twelve episode series and I can’t.  Or that is how I feel about an excellent OST. 

Canon compliant? Eh, sort of.  I’ve already stated numerous times that I enjoyed the original anime more than the manga which had to do with the overall storytelling structure and cohesiveness.  I found reading the manga to be helpful in understanding more, but the anime was easier to follow and hit similar themes.  The way that Stampede approached its female characters, absolutely rubbed me the wrong way.  The original anime passed the Bechtel test with flying colors (in ‘98). The role of Meryl and Milly was much less in the manga, there were plenty of other great female characters who were just missing in Stampede.  Zazie’s non-binary-ness being absent along with the possible trans erasure of Elendira are high in my list of concerns for character changes.

Story boarding, plot, dialogue, pacing? Absolutely terrible.  This was really the nail in the coffin for me.  Lazy writing, reliance on tropes that were less established in anime and manga from the 90s, weird establishing shots from time to time, strange framing and the terrible pacing. 

It takes effort for an action packed anime to drag so heavily as this one did. For me and my partner in snark/muse, Merdopseudo, it drove us nuts how bad the pacing was.  I am not the type of person to have issues when a show will do rapid cuts between scenes or toss the viewer into something without context.  If it is done well. 

Studio Orange did not do that well.  It had so many plot points that were perfect for no reason e.g. character shows up at exactly the right time.  Or they did not understand the visual intent of a lot of elements from the manga.  The meaning of flowers, or dialogue frequently from Wolfwood, the heavy Christian themes that underlie a lot of debates and tension between Vash and the world.  How the heavy themes of the original were balanced out by humor that was either absurd or deadpan/snark.

The entire concept of establishing a character, getting to know them, realizing that there is something to reveal and then timing that reveal. This is a concept that Studio Orange completely failed at.  No payoff was earned or timed properly.

The heavy use of info dumping and telling us what we need to know from a particular scene.  Sometimes, you gotta clue your viewer into what is happening.  This alone is not a problem.  How Studio Orange did this, well it was frankly an insult to the intelligence of the viewer.  Perhaps, if someone had no idea what was going on and didn’t know the other to versions, it might make sense.  But you have a lot of viewers who certainly saw the anime and a smaller group who read the manga as well.

And this ties back to the original source material.  The ‘98 anime kept the visual storytelling style the same from the early manga to the show.  The manga continued that style, though, with some editorial issues that made Trigun Maximum hard to read at times.  What is the way that Yasuhiro Nightow arranges his works?  In a way that you need to figure out what is happening. He tosses you right in with minimal information and it is up to you to figure out what is happening.

This is likely why when you go to watch Kekkai Sensen/Blood Blockade Battlefront or read the manga it is up to you to figure out what the fuck is happening.  Honestly, after watching B3 and reading as much as the manga as possible other than gaps in the early volumes under copyright with Darkhorse, he’s gotten much better at showing us something and you fill in those gaps.

This scene here from chapter 19 is laid out perfectly.  The first page has Steven lean in and say “Annie . . .” and she replies with a concerned “Wait!”  The next panel shows his hand intertwined with hers and the USB drive.  He swings their arms out to the side before leaning in closer.  Before he turns away with his coat and the USB drive firmly in his possession with a casual thanks.  How she looks at him in surprise at how quickly he’s leaving and heading back to the office. The casual reply of “I’ll be in touch” as he puts on his coat while walking!

The following page shows Annie visibly flustered, pans out to a street and Steven walking alone.  He notices Klaus’ car and he says hi before showing him that he got the goods = the USB drive.  This serves the purpose to continue to validate his nickname of being ‘blackhearted’ from K. K. and demonstrate his absolute dedication to supporting Klaus and the cause of Libra.  He’s willing to play dirty to get the information that they need.

Does everyone want to read/watch a series that is like this?  No, we are getting into a matter of personal taste.  Do I generally like series with this sort of style?  Yes, yes I most certainly do.  Thus, when Stampede went for a very heavy handed, we’ll tell you what you need to get out of this visual style, it rubbed me the wrong way at the beginning and I couldn’t put my finger on it at first.

Yasuhiro Nightow’s works have very strong moral questions that underpin them and he leaves it up to you to figure out who is right, who is wrong and what it means to be human - or not human.  He’s also not afraid to shove those characters into situations where they struggle with those decisions and have guilt, lots of guilt.  However, these sorts of stories are not conducive to black and white stories. And black and white is what Stampede ended up doing.  Nuance was not key to their work and it showed.

This is my rather long winded way to say that the above structural decisions that Studio Orange made are why, despite the high quality product visually, I am not impressed with this anime.  It went off in a direction different that the source material and then didn’t put in their effort or homework when they needed to.  This is what led to the shift in Trigun Stampede and why many fans are disappointed. 

With that, I’ll leave things here and sigh in relief my meta time for Stampede is over.  I’ll be back with some answered asks and more metas on B3 for sure and Trigun Maximum as it catches my eye.

[bridgertonbabe]

Bridgerton Drabble - Harry Potter AU Edition #4

Though she had three previous experiences of it, this one was by far the worst. The ordeal was nearing the forty-eight hour mark and still there seemed to be no end in sight. It didn’t matter the potions she had been provided with to speed the process up or the pain relief she had been treated with, none of it seemed to work in the slightest. She was aching all over, she was exhausted, and all she wanted was for all of this to be over with. She had begged for mercy and even asked if someone was casting the cruciatus curse on her because surely suffering from such an unforgivable spell was on par (or perhaps even lesser) to the pain she was currently enduring. 

Throughout it all her beloved husband had been by her side, allowing her to clutch his hand as tightly as possible and trying his best to soothe her. Countless times he had begged the doctors to do something, to end her ongoing suffering, demanding them to do whatever it took to ease her pain. His eyes would grow misty every time she wailed out a particularly awful scream that would gradually descend into a sob, and as much anguish as she was in, she felt guilty for how powerless she was inadvertently making him feel. 

But finally, just after the forty-eight hour mark had ticked by, she gave one last almighty push and as soon as she did she collapsed back against the pillows, thoroughly breathless but relieved that it was all over. Her ears were faintly buzzing when a croaky little wail emitted around the room and she cast a bleary-eyed gaze as the midwife held the baby aloft. A kiss was pressed against her hair as her husband whispered reassurances to her, telling her it was all over and that she had done it. 

“Congratulations, it’s a girl...” she vaguely heard the midwife say before she closed her eyes, allowing the sudden wave of lightness that had taken over her body to consume her, and then all she knew was darkness.

✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨ ✨

“Hey, remember the time we played the Whomping Willow game?” 

“You mean the time we tried to play the Whomping Willow game?” 

“You two tried, you mean.”

“You say that Phillip as if you didn’t try as well.” 

“I was trying to save you idiots. I wasn’t playing.” 

“Well you were about as successful at trying to save us as we were trying to play the game.” 

“All I can say is thank Merlin for Sophie. Without her that bloody tree would have maimed us for sure.” 

Sophie vividly recalled the memory in question. They were in their second year and had gone for a hike around the mountainous grounds of Hogwarts before pulling up to sit on a hillside. The infamous Whomping Willow was nearby and Colin had said that Anthony had told him about the game that could be played involving the magical tree. Apparently if one were to press the knot at the base of the tree then the willow’s fearsome branches would stop and allow a reprieve before it reactivated into fight mode. Colin had declared he wanted to try the game out but Sophie and Phillip had immediately shut his suggestion down - Michael, on the other hand, had instantly sprung to his feet and together the two thirteen year olds had run off to take on the towering Whomping Willow. It only took seconds for the tree to lash out at them, sending both of them flying, but when the tree grabbed a hold of Michael and left Colin cowering on the floor, Phillip climbed to his feet and went to help them - only for the tree to wallop him back when he tried to come to Colin’s aid. Sophie contemplated running for help but they were a long way out from finding anyone who could be of assistance and she feared by the time she returned with someone that her three best friends would be in far worse conditions than they already were. There was only one thing for it - she’d have to try to deactivate the tree herself. And so she carefully approached the tree, keeping out of distance enough to avoid being attacked, and once she had measured everything up she leapt into action. She used her petite stature to her advantage as she scurried towards the base of the tree, ducking and jumping and dodging the branches that made a go for her and she slammed her hands against the small knot at the base. Instantaneously the tree froze up, dropping Michael from a thankfully short height and giving them enough time to all scramble back to safety. Her boys had thanked her profusely and sung her praises and in return she had issued the threat that if they ever tried that stupid game again she wouldn’t bother saving them a second time. 

“You know what, come to think of it without Soph we really would have been dead by now. Like, several times over.”

“You’ve only just figured that out now?” 

“It never really occurred to me till now...”

And though the only sense she currently possessed was the ability to hear, Sophie could still sense the solemn downturn in the general atmosphere. 

“What if she doesn’t wake up?” 

“Don’t think like that.”

“But Phil,”

“No. We can’t think like that. And Michael; don’t think I can’t see your eyes watering up.” 

“But Phil,”

“No, Colin.”

“But it’s something we have to consider.” 

“Not now. Just... not now.”

Again in spite of the silence Sophie could hear the overwhelming sense of resignation, of fear, of defeat. Never before had she ever known all three of them to be weighed down with such hopelessness and their collective heavy mood greatly unsettled her. 

“I can’t imagine it. Life without her.”

“That’s a good thing. If we can’t imagine it then it can’t possibly happen.”

“Phil,”

“Oh Merlin’s beard, could you not just humour me? Could you have some hope? I mean this is Sophie we’re talking about. She’s a fighter. Always has been and always will be.”

“The mightiest among us.” Michael uttered and she could hear the gentle smile on his lips. 

“She really is.”

“Exactly. And she’d beat our asses if she heard us worrying that she might not... she’d be pissed.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

“Remember the time she punched your brother square in the face?”

“How could I forget? She floored him.”

“And it was so fucking funny. She was tiny and she made him cry. And then he never picked on you again.”

“He’s still scared of her, you know.” 

“No, we know. We saw the way he ducked down by the refreshments table at the twins birthday party when he saw her nearby.”

“Shut up, did he really? I must have missed that.”

“I’ll siphon the memory and throw it in a pensieve if you like.”

“I’d greatly appreciate that.”

“I’m scared.”

“Colin.” Two of the voices chorused wearily.

“I know, I know; she’d beat me up if she could hear me... Merlin, I hope you can hear us, Soph.”

And she so badly wanted to acknowledge that she could. She wanted to open her eyes, to squeeze the hand clutching hers...

Wait a minute. She hadn’t been able to feel her hand being held until just now. She pushed her mind to squeeze or at least for her fingers to flex but nothing happened. 

“Soph? If you can hear us... then you should know Colin’s wearing the most unflattering pair of trousers possible -”

“Fuck off, Michael.”

“So I’d open your eyes now just to get a look at them!”

“They’re not that bad!”

“Take my word, Soph, they are rather hideous.”

“And you can fuck off and all, Phil.” 

“If Ben were here he’d attest to how awful they are too.”

Sophie was even more determined to open her eyes, challenging herself to open wide just to get a glimpse of the aforementioned terrible trousers, but in spite of her determination there was still no luck. 

“Soph, if you can hear, Ben’s with the baby.”

“He was running himself ragged, tearing himself apart in who to be with but we told him we’d stay with you, that he had nothing to fear. We’d never let anything happen to you.”

“Never.”

“Not in a million years.”

“So you know, don’t try it. There’s no need to test us, you got that?”

“And your baby’s okay. They’re just monitoring her.”

“Her, Soph. You have a daughter.”

“And she’s a fighter just like you.”

She felt her heart pang with guilt. Since she had become somewhat conscious she had utterly forgotten what had become before the darkness. She had forgotten all about the labour she had suffered through and she had somehow forgotten all about her baby - and she had forgotten that she had finally welcomed a little girl into the world. 

Once more she desperately tried to will herself awake, for the sake of her three best friends keeping vigil at her bedside, for the sake of her husband who felt torn between her and their daughter, and for the sake of their daughter; a daughter they had waited so very long for. 

But once again it was to no avail. She screamed internally, wanting to break free from this blinding paralysis she was under, begging to some higher being to let her awaken. 

“He’s not alone, by the way. Mum and dad are with him and the baby.” 

She wanted to shed a tear for Colin’s thoughtfulness. Even though he couldn’t be certain she could hear him, he was still making sure he could assure her, knowing her well enough that she’d be concerned with her husband’s welfare as much as their baby’s. 

“He’s fine. But you need to wake up, Soph. I don’t know what it will do to him if you don’t... what it will do to all of us,”

“Colin.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

It was then that Sophie became aware of more than just the hand holding hers. She felt a hand clutching her other wrist as well as another hand grasping her foot over the covers of her bedding. All three of her best friends were holding onto her in any way that they could and she so desperately wanted something as small as a twitch to alert them that she was with them. 

“The boys have made you cards. Wishing you’d get better soon.”

“Yeah, you should see them, Soph. Alex’s clearly got his dad’s knack for art.” 

“They’re being well taken of, by the way. Pen, El, and Fran are with them.”

“We thought it’d be safest to have one aunt to a nephew. Lest they wreak too much havoc.” 

“Yeah, they’re adorable Soph but Merlin almighty I don’t know how you take care of all three of them with such ease.” 

“Years of practice.”

“Practicing with what?”

“Us, of course.”

“Oh... wow, yeah that makes so much sense now. Oh, so we were just a rehearsal for her.”

“I think we were worst-case scenario for her. I think the boys are way easier to handle than us, which is saying a lot considering they’re six and under.”

“Well in any case; you’re welcome, Soph.”

“You idiots.”

And suddenly the room fell silent. 

She couldn’t quite believe it herself. She had somehow managed to utter something aloud and she hadn’t even been thinking or trying in vein to speak.

“Did... did she just,”

“Soph? Sophie?”

“Merlin’s beard - she just spoke! Didn’t she?”

“Well of course she did!”

“Unless we’ve just experienced a collective group auditory delusion?”

“For Merlin’s sake, Soph; speak again!”

There was then a sharp gasp from her right.

“Phillip?”

“She just... she just squeezed my hand!”

Again, Sophie hadn’t even been trying and yet her hand had tightened its grip on Phillip’s seemingly of its own accord. 

She then felt who she was certain was Colin’s hand slip further down her wrist until he clasped her other hand. 

“Squeeze my hand, Soph! Squeeze it!”

“And kick me!” Michael exclaimed as she felt the hand around her foot nudging her into making a move. “Kick me, Soph!”

“Ugh,”

“Soph!”

“Sophie!”

“We need a doctor in here!” 

She hadn’t intended to groan - but she did intend to open her eyes. 

“Did you see that? She just fluttered her eyes open!” 

“Sophie!”

“Come on now, you’re so close!”

The light had been too blinding for her to keep her eyes open for longer than a second but once she rested them for a few seconds she then opened them again, this time straining to keep them alert long enough to take in the sight of her three best friends, each of them with watery eyes as they gazed back at her. 

“Soph?” Colin croaked.

“I need a drink.” she wheezed with a dry throat - but before she could receive one, her three best friends had thrown themselves at her, clutching her tightly as they all sobbed with relief. 

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She couldn’t keep her eyes open for too long but she was getting better and better the more time passed. As the doctors checked her over Colin and Phillip refused to leave her side though they reluctantly let go of her after the doctors had requested it. Michael meanwhile had pecked her on the cheek before hurtling off in search of Benedict, eager to tell him the best possible news. 

Minutes later the door burst open and Sophie’s heart softened at the sight of her husband staring at her in wild disbelief.

“Hey, you.” she managed - and then Benedict stormed across the room and virtually collapsed against her, muttering his eternal relief with his head buried in her neck. 

“I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you.” he repeated fervently and punctuated every declaration with a kiss. 

She brushed a hand through his messy hair to soothe him and wiped away the stream of tears that were cascading down his face.

“I’m alright, my love.” she assured him. 

“I thought... I really thought,”

She hushed him with a gentle kiss, swallowing all the dread he had been stewing in and in an instant she felt him melting into her. 

“I’m here, Ben. I’m not going anywhere.”

He kissed her with utter relief and rested his head against hers, breathing her in and sighing away the grief he must have endured for however long she had been out for. 

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Once the doctors had finished examining her, Sophie had one more question to ask.

“When can I see my baby?”

All four of her favourite men scrambled towards the door, each of them keen to bring her daughter to her, but once they realised there was no need for all of them to be racing off, Colin headed off to fetch the baby and his parents. As they waited Sophie weakly scooted over (despite Benedict telling her not to) in order to make room for him to sit beside her.

“But I want a cuddle.” Was all it took to convince him to hop in next to her and he drew her into his arms. 

The door opened, Colin holding it as Violet entered first and then Edmund carrying the precious bundle in his arms.

“Sophie, we’re so glad you’re awake.” Violet beamed and pecked her daughter-in-law on the cheek. 

“You had us all worried there for a while, sweetheart.” Edmund added. “But thank Merlin you fought your way back to us.” 

“It’s gonna take a lot to drag me away from you.”

Edmund’s brow furrowed in bemused amusement from Sophie’s gentle singing. 

“There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do.” 

Sophie beamed as Colin, Phillip, and Michael followed it up for her and her three best friends grinned and winked at her knowingly.

“Sorry.” she turned back to Edmund with a smirk. 

“Don’t be.” he chuckled back. “And, without further ado, here’s someone who’s so very eager to make your acquaintance.” 

And then the swaddled newborn was gently placed in her arms and Sophie let out a gasp of awe and delight as she gazed down at her daughter for the very first time.

“Hello, you.” she breathed as she delicately brushed over the baby’s cheek with the back of her little finger. “I can’t believe you’re finally here. I love you. Mummy loves you so very much, my little angel.”

“She’s perfect. Just like you.” Benedict murmured into her ear as he too became mesmerized by their daughter. 

“And look, can you see?” Edmund motioned. “No chestnut hair.”

“Oh.” Sophie gasped as she noticed the muted sandy hair on her daughter’s head - hair that already seemed to have a slight curl. 

“She’s going to be just like you. Just like I always dreamed she’d be.” Benedict kissed her cheek.  

“Do you know what you’ll call her?” Michael asked and Sophie smiled at the sight of her three best friends all leaning over at the end of her bed in keen anticipation. 

She nodded and looked to Benedict, who gave her the nod of approval to announce the name.

“We’re calling her Violet.”

“Oh!” her namesake gasped, clutching a hand to her chest as her eyes immediately filled with tears. “Really?” she trembled as Edmund came over and wrapped an arm around her. 

“It was never up for discussion what we’d name our daughter.” Sophie said. 

“I... I... thank you.” Violet simply nodded in lieu of saying anything more, wiping away her tears as Edmund kissed her forehead.

“What about a middle name?” Colin enquired.

“Sophie.”

Sophie glanced to Benedict, thinking he had just called for her attention.

“Violet Sophie Bridgerton.”

“No.” she tsked. 

“Yes.” 

“No, Ben.” she shook her head. “There’s no need,”

“But we need to complete our own little Awesome Foursome, don’t we?” 

Sophie sighed as she realised she wasn’t going to win this battle. Since their boys were named Charlie Colin, Alexander Phillip, and William Michael, there really was no way she could possibly wiggle her way out of passing her name down to her daughter as a middle name. 

“Yeah, you’ve got to, Soph.” Michael grinned.

“I couldn’t think of a more perfect name.” Phillip agreed.

“And then the boys will look after her just like we all look after you.” Colin said. 

“I think it’s more likely she’ll be looking after them.” Sophie remarked. “Just like I do for you three idiots.”

Phillip snorted as Michael nodded with a smirk and Colin held his hands up to concede defeat. 

And as Sophie cradled her daughter, she couldn’t help the tears that sprung to her eyes as she became overwhelmed with love; not just for her baby girl but from her adoring husband, her doting in-laws, and the three most loyal and dearest friends she could have ever asked for.