#i knew ppl who loved it back then but never saw it myself

[kelokez]

Rena 🫶

[reserwrekt]

But what if I've felt like I'm too traumatized to have friends, practically since I was born?

[mrsriddlenott]

It’s Okay To Love Them Both

Mattheo Riddle x Fem!Reader x Enzo Berkshire

Kinda from all their POVs at different times. I absolutely love this and I am putting so much work into it that it is honestly funny and I’m gonna cry when I’m done🥹😂(may have gotten carried away) not entirely proofread yet.

Warnings: Fluff,Angst,Insecurities, Manipulation(kinda ig? I don’t see it as manipulative but I wanted to include the warning for ppl who don’t share that opinion), Nicknames(Princess, Gorgeous, Petal, Little Badger, etc)

*No smut but I can make a pt2 for that if it’s wanted*

{masterlist}

This was requested a LONG time ago and I REALLY hope the person who requested it is still here or in the old Taglist, I am so sorry this took so long. My brain just was not working properly for a long time but I think I am back in my groove. I have been working on this on and off for a literal YEAR so if you are not here I am so disappointed in myself for not getting it out to you.

You couldn’t pinpoint exactly when you started to fall for both the boys, but it started so innocently, and now it felt like it was always bound to grow from the very beginning. You met Enzo first, he had been assigned your tutor at the start of term thanks to your poor Potions grade every year prior. He worked with you tirelessly as though it was more than something asked of him by the head of his house, and when you inevitably out grew the need for a tutor, he invited you to your first Slytherin party as a celebration. A party that was of course thrown by his best friend. Enzo talked about Mattheo non-stop and you just had to meet him, however when he spoke with you that fateful night, you realized the trouble you were in and you just couldn’t stay away from him, you tried at first, but it was pointless.

The more you talked with them the more you felt for them. They were so easy to be around, Mattheo made you feel safe and heard, he always stood up for you even though his reputation could have been hindered by befriending a Hufflepuff. While Enzo made you feel known, he looked at you in a way that no one had before and opened your own mind up to itself. Even though they were so clearly different, as you grew closer with them, you began to notice just how similar the two were. Mattheo tried his hardest to hide it but on the inside he was the sweet boy no one saw, and Enzo had a hidden darkness within him that no one would guess, one that helped you come to terms with your own.

“Hello Princess, I’ve got a question,” Enzo stated from your side as he caught you off guard in the corridors, ripping you out of your thoughts with his smile alone. He watched you intently with his soft, safe eyes as he waited for you to respond. He was used to your adorable shocked expression by now, he knew you somehow weren’t used to this kind of attention yet, and certainly not from Slytherins, but he just couldn’t stop coming back to you. Neither of them could, so they just didn’t.

It’s not like they sat down and planned it….well not exactly. The idea was there of course, from the second Mattheo saw you he knew he wanted you he just didn’t want to hurt Enzo and even when they soon both realized they felt the same way, it wasn’t really a conscious decision….not in the beginning anyway. They’d speak to you one after the other like a pattern of turns, and never without telling each other beforehand. Eventually they started whispering about your little chats in their dorm late at night, almost debriefing the other as they reminisced and waited for their next chance to see you. It took quite awhile for the boys to realize just how far their feelings had grown, and not only for you, their own bond had been strengthened by their shared affections and time spent solely focused on you.

“Oh….what is it?” You spoke, slightly dazed after staring into Enzo’s eyes for a few seconds too many, something he reveled in as your pupils dilated and your lips formed a smile against your will. He chuckled at your nervousness, poking his elbow out for you to take as you resumed your walk to the Library, you took it immediately, settling your palm into the crook of his arm as he took your books into his free hand.

“I was wondering if you wanted to accompany me to Hogsmeade tomorrow?” His voice was soft, calming, and comforting as he gently guided you through the tidal wave of students suddenly parting to let him through. It shocked you how not one, but two boys of such a high popularity status seemed to care so much about your presence. At first you genuinely assumed it was some joke, a prank some classmate had put them up to maybe, but after months of the two always coming back to you and getting absolutely nothing in return, you deemed yourself safe.

“Like a….?” You started, letting your sentence die out in embarrassment of being wrong, Enzo chuckled making your stomach jump as you entered the Library, “Yes Petal, I wanna take you out on a date.” He turned to face you as he set your books on the nearest study desk, taking your hand in his as he reiterated in a soft voice, “Would you like to go on a date with me? We can do whatever you like….or we can go with my plan?”

“You….have a plan?” It wasn’t like you were new to dating or having a partner, but you certainly weren’t used to said partner putting in such effort for you, making you feel as special as Enzo and Mattheo did so easily. You gulped slightly upon remembering Mattheo, would he be mad if you said yes? Or hurt? Would he care at all? Would he plan a date for you like this?

“Is that a yes?” Enzo chuckled as he watched your brows furrow upon you falling into your thoughts again, “It’s okay if you have plans or….or don’t want to join me,” He suddenly seemed very worried, his confidence faltering as you watched his face quietly.

“Of course I want to go with you Lorenzo,” He audibly sighed at your words, a warm feeling washing over him as soon as his arms wrapped around you, his head falling heavily against your shoulder as he laughed, “Had me thinking I ruined the best part of Hogwarts Lovely.” Your giggles pulled him from his hiding spot in your neck as your hands held onto his shoulders.

“No way I am for favorite thing about Hogwarts,” You laughed with a shake of your head, avoiding his eyes as you moved away to settle into your study spot. Enzo watched you from a few feet away now, observing your genuine misbelief and wondering how you could look in the mirror everyday and not see a portrait of royal standard. How you could possibly not see that he was falling madly in love with you, certainly he wasn’t that subtle was he? He’d just have to turn in up a notch then.

“I was thinking we could get a drink at the Three Broomsticks,” his voice was low and soft as he approached you again, slowly “After which I’ll spoil us with a trip to Honeydukes,” he paused, stepping closer still as you avoided direct eye contact, “Then we can eat sweets as we take a walk around the Black Lake and talk,” you gasped as his cold fingers brushed your warm skin, pulling a strand of hair behind your ear and tracing the shape of your jaw before pulling your chin up, forcing an intense eye contact, “How does that sound?” His voice was laced with his usual confidence once again as he placed his free hand on the desk, leaning into you further and towering over you with a smile. That crooked smile that was always so contagious made it impossible to stop yourself from smiling back and agreeing to the perfect date once more.

Enzo left the Library with a triumphant grin, giving you one last glance over his shoulder and throwing you a wink, reveling in your face glowing bright red. You found it difficult to suppress giggles as you tried to work on your studying, beginning to imagine your date with Enzo instead.

~~~~

It felt like you had spent days alone in the Library working on your homework, every little thought of Enzo distracting you from the work that had accumulated in your classes this week. You regretted not asking Enzo to keep you company, even though you were such a nervous wreck around him when you were alone together you just found everything to be so much easier with him there. It was like every bit of anxiety flitted away when either of your boys were there to comfort you.

“Hey Gorgeous,” Mattheo’s smooth voice derailed your train of thought as the chair behind you loudly scraped across the dusty stone floor, making you cringe as Mattheo plopped onto the creaking wood so he was sat only inches from you. “What are you stud-“ The loud shush from Madam Pince interrupted him as he laughed and held his finger to his lips jokingly, pulling his chair impossibly closer only to slowly whisper in your ear, “What are you studying?”

You tried to hide the shiver his voice sent down your spine, tingles covering your entire body before you could gain your control, “Just Transfiguration stuff, I’m almost done though,” Mattheo hums beside you, letting you silently work as he watched your very concentrated face while you wrote. He quickly became impatient however, tapping his fingers and feet to different beats you didn’t recognize as he slouched in his chair before dramatically sighing after only a few minutes and sitting up.

“Are you done yet?” He whispered, desperate for your undivided attention as he leant into you further, resting his chin on your shoulder to watch you like a lost puppy, “I’ve got something for you, ya know,” His excitement was evident in his hushed tone, making you finally turn to look at him again while he excitedly reached into his pocket with a proud smile upon getting you to look at him. He struggled momentarily, cursing under his breath as he pulled out a thin golden chain with a badger charm dangling from it.

You eyed the fine jewelry in his hand for only a split second, it was truly beautiful and your exact style, but it looked expensive and too elegant to be for you. Noticing the guilty glint in your eye, Mattheo didn’t give you the chance to deny the gift, believing it was yours already even if you wanted to throw it in the garbage as soon as he left. You would have to get used to being spoiled, he thought as he got up to delicately drape it across your neck and clip it in the back before you could ask the price or where he got it. He freed your hair from being trapped below the chain, bouncing it and fixing stray strands for you before leaving a kiss on the top of your head, “It’s almost as beautiful as you isn’t it my Little Badger?”

Your face was painted red in a matter of seconds as his hands felt up and down your arms mindlessly, his fingertips leaving tingles everywhere they touched giving you an entirely uncommon burst of confidence. You jumped from your seat with a loud thank you as your arms draped across his shoulders, letting your head rest on his toned body as his arms engulfed you in his warmth and his chest vibrated with a laugh, “You are very welcome Pretty Girl.”

Your eyes met as you pulled away from him, glossy eyes darting between his and his lips before you launched yourself forward to attack them with yours. Mattheo didn’t waste a second in returning your kiss, letting your lips meld together as he sighed against your mouth, the taste of your lips better than he could have ever imagined. Your fingers got lost in his hair, tugging at his curls and deepening the kiss, forcing him to restrain himself by gripping onto your hips tighter to keep from smashing you into the bookshelf behind him and starting a battle between your tongues. You hummed in satisfaction, your senses and thoughts lost in Mattheo as he nipped at your bottom lip making you whimper and fall farther into him. You wanted the kiss to last forever, the feeling of his hands grounding you, letting your brain focus for the first time since…..Enzo.

The image of the sweet boy who cared so much for you catching you making out with his best friend flashed in your mind, snapping you out of your pleasure as you abruptly pulled away from Mattheo with a shocked expression. Your eyes brimmed with tears at the thought of Enzo crying, hurting over you betraying him, hating you forever….you felt horrible. Your teary gaze locked with Mattheo’s before you were pushing away and grabbing your books, rushing from the Library without another word. After only a second of truly believing someone had Stupefied him, the curly headed boy tried to catch up to you, desperately calling your name before losing you in the packed corridors.

Mattheo cursed to himself as he reluctantly turned away from the direction you took and toward the Slytherin Common Room. He couldn’t stop thinking about every possible outcome this could cause, he should have said something, done something, but he was far too focused on your scent, your taste, the way you felt in his hands. He’s such an idiot, he needed to fix this, the thoughts bouncing back and forth in his mind as his legs numbly carried him through the castle.

“You need to make sure this date we planed goes well because I may have just royally screwed us” Mattheo was almost shouting as he slammed the door of his and Enzo’s shared dorm behind him, thanking the Gods that their dorm mates were off doing who knows what.

“What!? What are you talking about?” Enzo rushed forward on his bed, tossing his reading aside as he watched Mattheo’s face contort in worry. He could tell by his fidgeting hands and pacing of the room that he was truly worried there was no going back from whatever he did, and without a second thought, Enzo was standing to pull him into a hug, asking again, softer this time, “What went wrong?”

“She kissed me and I fucking kissed her back,” Mattheo snapped, slipping out of Enzo’s comfortable grasp as he pinched at the bridge of his nose, “and then she looked so sad and my mouth just would not form any words. I stood there like a fucking asshole while she was crying because I was too focused on her lips on mine.” He sighed, chewing at his thumb as he paced back and forth in the middle of the dorm.

“She kissed you though that’s a good thing, not exactly to plan, but that means she probably likes us bo-“ Mattheo was always so calm and collected, except for when it came to you, every worry that flashes through his brain about never seeing you again makes him less and less reasonable.

“I think her rushing out crying tells me otherwise Enzo,” Mattheo began to ramble, his brain was far too worried to be able to keep a single thought inside, “We need to give her space, let her have time to think before your date, she’s probably confused she….she probably doesn’t want to get hurt or or I don’t know hurt anyone else. She doesn’t know we want to be with her together….what if she thinks something bad li-like you’ll be mad.” Mattheo snapped his fingers and pointed to his best friend as though he had it all figured out, just to return to his ranting.

“Mattheo calm down, we don’t know anything yet okay,” Enzo knew that when Mattheo got like this, feeding his worries would not help, but as he continued to list off the many holes this plan had that they were just now realizing, the heavy feeling of anxiety settled into his chest.

~~~~

When the next afternoon finally came, you contemplated skipping the date entirely, telling Enzo you had plans after all, but some part of you just wouldn’t allow it. That same part controlled you as you desperately searched for an appropriate first date outfit, throwing dresses and various tops and bottoms on and off as your dorm room grew messy. “Damn Y/N/N, I knew you liked this boy but jeez….this much worry about an outfit?” Your dorm mate and best friend since First Year jokes as she strutted into the room.

“Hannah you’re a lifesaver, I need to borrow a dress, and it needs to be a good one because I already have something to apologize for.” You rambled, turning to her trunk that was always available for you to search through.

“What could you have possibly done to that boy that needs an apology? I think he very well could be obsessed with you.” She giggled, not realizing your worry as you halted your actions entirely, “Ikissedhisbestfriend” you jumbled, turning but avoiding the eyes of your best friend who only understood you thanks to her knowing you so well.

“You…wait did I hear that correctly? You- you and Riddle did what now?” Her shocked, almost excited expression had you feeling worse as you abandoned your search for a dress, flopping down onto your bed as tears welled in your eyes. “He’s gonna hate me when he finds out.” You sighed, hiding your face in your hands as the bed dipped beside you to make room for Hannah.

“Hey hey….Sweetie no rational person could ever hate you.” She sighed, rubbing the back of your hands as she pulled them from your face, “This is a grey area okay, you haven’t made a commitment to either of them and it’s clear they both want to be the one picked. You need to make a decision somehow and if they don’t want to make it easy on you this is going to get dramatic.” Your eyes met hers in confusion as tears ran down your face and onto your mattress, “I guess what I’m trying to say is….you need to make a decision either way and the only way to make the right choice is to know how they both would treat you, and the only way to find that out is to explore both options for a bit.”

“But….I don’t want to hurt them, and I want them both in my life still….I don’t know what I’d do if I made a decision and the other never spoke to me again.” Hannah gave you an apologetic smile before piping up again, “Well….it would be cruel to keep them both at your feet waiting just to never pick, you’ve got two options here, let them go and hope you meet someone else one day, or come to terms with what may happen after you do choose.”

“I’m gonna choose, I just can’t yet, I don’t wanna lose either of them.”

~~~~

Enzo’s breath catches in his throat as he sees you walking into the crowed dining room of the restaurant, the red fabric of your dress hugging you perfectly. The badger necklace he had helped Mattheo pick out rested on your chest so wonderfully he just had to comment on it. “Well isn’t this cute, where’d ya get it huh?” He asks in a teasing tone you know so well.

“Um well, I” As you start trying to speak all that can come out is sobs at the thought of hurting him, suddenly your dress is too tight and the room too stuffy, you can’t breath. “I um,” you try but once again fail. Before you can think you feel hands on your waste and your being tugged out of the busy restaurant by someone as Enzo follows. Once the door was open you rushed into the cold air and walked away from the two.

“Did i do something?” Enzo’s voice was desperate, strained to a point that you thought he was about to cry right now, “Please just tell me how I messed up so i can fix it, I promise I didn’t mean to hurt you,” His voice raised as you kept walking to catch your breath pacing back and forth before taking notice of Mattheo standing beside him.

“What are you doing here?” You spit out, not meaning for it so sound as mean as it did, you sigh as you correct your voice, tears beginning to fall again. “I’m so sorry, I thought I could pick but I can’t, I love you both and I am so so sorry.”

The boys eyes lock together immediately and as though on cue they start to laugh, they know it’s wrong, they know they shouldn’t but they can’t stop. And somehow you know it is okay and start to laugh too.

“What is wrong with you two?” You ask between tears and laughter, you must look a mess but your two best friends still stare at you as though you hung the moon.

“Petal, we want you too, you think we can chose. Us. Two of the dumbest people you have ever known.” Enzo says with a giggle as he steps up to you to kiss you tear streaked face. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner Petal, but I was planning on having Mattheo come to our little date anyway, we wanted to tell you tonight how much we want you. Together. All of us.”

Your eyes dart to Mattheo as he smiles wildly down at you, “so you’re not mad at me”

“Of course not Princess, you’re our perfect girl.” Mattheo says in a soft voice as he moves to wrap his arms around both Enzo and y/n, leaving a kiss on both their cheeks as comfort he has never felt begins to settle in his chest. He can be happy like this.

Your rapid heart beat begins to settle in the arms of your two favorite boys, your tears continue but only from happiness and the feeling of pure luck bringing you to the happiest moment of your life.

“Now, how about we finish the date we had planned for you Petal.” Enzo sates as he grabs your hand, your other quickly being grabbed by Mattheo as they begin to lead you to Honeydukes.

-HP Taglist-

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[godisshook]

A Ride to Remember

I had known Liam since high school, he was one of the smartest in our grade, but he barely talked to anyone. I considered him a friend, and would work with him whenever I could. Knowing this I should probably introduce myself, my name is Adama Traore, son of two loving immigrant parents, and luckily, very gay. Later during freshman year, I got a boyfriend, I still remember him fondly as my first kiss, and my first heartbreak. When we broke up junior year, I went into a complete spiral, going to gay bars and hooking up with any guy I could find, neglecting my whole life because of a breakup. I barely spoke to Liam that year, I had heard he got a girlfriend in sophomore year, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. When college applications came around I applied to everywhere I could, just to see who would let me in. I knew that Liam was dead-set on going to Pell College, one of the most selective schools in the country. I applied to Pell too, and when decisions came out, I checked it last. It felt like slow motion when I saw in big letters:

ADAMA TRAORE,

WELCOME TO PELL NATION

I was officially a Dire Wolf (the Pell mascot, it’s lame, I know). I saw on the big board in the front office all the other major acceptances. Liam had a couple, but one stood out, a big wolf paw with his name in it, he got in too. I wasn’t shocked, but this most certainly meant we were going to the same college. While this would be the start to a great conversation, it simply never happened, we had just grown too distant.

Senior year came and went with me seeing little of Liam, and now it was summer break. I was college prepping and my mom was sobbing as she took me shopping for essentials each and every day. One day, I went onto our schools acceptance page on Instagram, and the latest post had a familiar person, at least, a familiar name.

@lgporter876 Hey guys, my name is Liam Porter and I am going to be a freshman at Pell in 2023, i wanna get to know ppl so leave ur snaps in the comments.

He was completely different. The shy sweet guy that I knew from high school had changed entirely. I didnt care though, he was doing his own thing and I was doing mine. I posted a few days after him, and I become flooded with dm’s of sorority girls asking me to be their gay best friend, truly something out of a nightmare if you ask me.

The day before classes, all of my things were moved into my dorm and I met my roommates. Kyle was your average nerd, he had brown curly hair and freckles, and wore glasses with wide rims. Next was Jamie, he was quiet, but stood at 6’2 and was here on a basketball scholarship. I immediately started chatting him up, and tried to see if he could be a potential fling. Finally was Eric. Eric was lanky but wasn’t entirely introverted like Kyle, hanging out with people and even becoming a good friend of mine on campus.

One of the buses drop off a load of students to the dorms, and a familiar face comes out of it with bags in hand:

My mom had barely seen Liam since freshman year, and never caught on that it was him, but I most definitely did. He walks to one of the dorms further down from mine, “There goes my chance to chat with him in the hallways.” I think to myself. I was a Literature major, and from what I knew Liam wanted to study Mechanical Engineering, so there was little chance we would ever see each other in the same class.

I go to my first class of the day: “History of Pre-Columbian Writing and Forms” taught by a frazzled professor who looks no younger than 76 named Dr. Fredericks. He was an awesome teacher, and I actually paid attention in class. Afterward I head to my Civics and Common Law class, it was rather empty, except for Liam. He was sitting in the 5th row, and as I open the door he glances back and meets my eye. I sit in the 7th row, open my computer, and start snooping. Lo and behold, this very class was an optional GenEd for Mechanical Engineering, and Liam chose it. I quickly leave class, and rush to my dorm.

A few weeks pass and my minifridge is empty. After eating the dining hall food for practically a month straight I was tired, so I drove to the gas station near our school to get some snacks and microwave meals. In the far back of the gas station I spot a group of frat bros, from the letters I could make out they were in Delta Zeta Kappa, known as one of the most toxic on campus. Laughing right with them is no other than Liam himself.

“You should’ve fucked her!” one of the bros near him says before patting Liam’s back. I try to quickly pick my stuff up and leave, but one of the other brothers whistles at me. It was Tyler Felton, a guy who I drunkenly hooked up with at one of his frat’s parties. Tyler calls me over and introduces me to each of the other brothers, and they start chuckling and jabbing Tyler in the arm, clearly he’s already talked about me to them. When I shake hands with Liam, it’s bare sly even a touch before he already has his hands pulled away.

Leaving the gas station was rather embarrassing, simply because I could imagine what they would talk about once I left. But Liam, he confused me. I didn’t think we were on bad terms, but by that handshake it seems we were.

I go back to my room and go straight to his instagram to figure out what’s going on. He still follows me, and it’s clear he unfollowed people from high school, so if he hated me why in the world did he still follow me?

I look at his recent posts and my eye catches to one of them:

He had clearly been going to the gym, and even though he might be a jerk now, he’s fucking HOT. I pull down my pants and start masturbating, thinking about feeling those muscles of his and fantasizing about how big his cock must be. I close my eyes and start imagining it, and the thought of it makes me end up getting cum all over my phone, and I immediately start wiping it away with tissues, feeling ashamed that I just came to a picture of a guy who is most definitely straight. After my little session on his insta, I study for my pre-calculus exam, and slowly drift to sleep over my notes. My alarm jolts me awake, as drool is all over my notes from my sudden study sesh coma. I rustle them together into my backpack and head to class for the day. Liam is there (as always) and we don’t speak at all during or after class (as always). As we’re packing up Dr. Stevens, the professor for the Civics course, announces we have a group project, but he’s already picked the partners.

As he rattles off last name pairings, I have yet to hear mine or Liam’s, until-“Mr. Traore, Mr. Porter, you two will be paired for this assignment.” My heart sinks to the very bottom of my chest. The guy who I now have nothing in common with, paired up for a 3-week assignment, nothing could be worse. “I can just handle it and you can get credit.” Liam says as he passes by me to leave class. Before he could fully pass, I grab his arm. He jerks back and stares at me. I glare back, “I will do my part too, I don’t know about you, but I care about this work.” Liam keeps my gaze and smirks. He easily releases his arm from my grasp, and walks away.

I don’t hear from him for a while, but he gets to work on our shared document, as do I. I suddenly get a DM on insta, while I expected it to be Liam, it was Tyler, sending me a flyer to his frat’s Halloween party. While Liam was most definitely going to be there, I just wanted a chance to dress all skimpy, so I accepted the invite.

After getting my sluttiest Daphne costume, i head down with Tyler, who decided to pick me up, and match with me as Fred (against my will mind you). My car had broken down, and I was simply far too broke to get it fixed now. We get to the party and it’s already insane, people are outside, beer pong tables set up everywhere, and girls grinding on all the brothers on the dance floor. I see nothing of Liam, but decide that’s a good thing.

The party goes much as I would have expected, with Tyler finding every way to stay near me, and me trying my very best to escape him when I can. I catch a glance of Liam while I walk for my 9th bathroom break to get away from Tyler. As I walk out, he’s near the door, and pushes me back in. “I want us to talk again.” he says, and before I can even get a word out, he leaves, never to be seen again.

Two days later I get a snap notification from none other than the man himself:

Using a shirtless gym selfie to get back into my good graces is a bold choice, considering i’m “talking to” one of his frat brothers, but I assume it’s all platonic, and send a photo of me studying for my literature exam in my bed back. After snapping back and forth for a few days I assume that will be all there is, and accepted that at least he was talking to me about our project. After checking the project the day before it’s due I see an announcement.

YOU ARE TO USE POSTER BOARD TO PRESENT KEY POINTS, POWERPOINT AND OTHER DIGITAL PROGRAMS WILL NOT BE USEABLE AS THE PROJECTOR IS DEAD.

Dr. Stevens was giving us an extension to find the stuff we needed, and I quickly text Liam to go pick up some poster board as my car is still very much broken. He chats back “come with me.” Confusion swept my face as getting poster board definitely wasn’t a two person job, but he quickly chatted again, “we can work on it together at my place.” Seeing this as a chance to actually reconnect, I say yes, and he comes to pick me up.

I start taking hits of my dab pen in the car, knowing that high me would actually be able to get some work done. As we pull into a residential area, he stops and pulls to the sidewalk. I ask him, “Why in god’s name did you stop here??? The store isn’t for a few more miles.” “I have been waiting for this my whole life.” he replies. Thinking i’m about to get axe murdered by my old friend I try to get out, but the doors are locked. He then says, “I never knew how I felt about you until I saw you with that fucker Tyler, the dude doesn’t deserve a pet rock, much less you.” The sudden romantic shift of his words gives me whiplash, but at least he’s not trying to kill me? As he says this, he puts a hand on my thigh. Even though I had ended my villain era, a little hookup between old friends was just what the doctor ordered.

I get in the base of the seat under him and pull his pants down very slowly. His hard dick pops up out of his underwear, and he glances down at me as I start to suck. He groans loudly and grabs the handle at the top, looking at me straight in the eyes the whole time.

As I continue doing down on him, he says, “I knew this would be the best.” If the rumors were true, he had fucked nearly half the freshman girls, and somehow i’m the best? I smile and keep going until he stops me. With his massive arms he pulls my head up and says, “It’s not over yet.” He pulls his shirt over his head, revealing that hard body and, as he starts the car he says, “Keep sucking.”

On the road in the rain, I keep looking up at this old friend of mine, wondering if i had missed a signal, and as I keep going, he starts to push my head down on his massive cock, and then let’s put a loan moan, as he cums all in my mouth. I swallow it down and look up at him, still listening to his music and focusing on the road.

While still below him, we come to a stop. He unbuckles and gets out, only in his boxers. I shimmy up and stumble out, clearly not at a Walmart or any place we could get poster for that matter. “It’s my cousins place, he’s not home so he lets me stay.” Liam says as if reading my mind. It’s clear what he wants, and I get ready for it.

After getting in he immediately starts kissing me, Unbuttoning my shirt, and pulling down my pants until i’m much like him, only far less muscly and way shorter. He pins me against the wall and starts kissing my nipples, saying, “Do you like that?” as he goes on and on. Eventually he takes me upstairs, and as I do I see him pull his boxers down. He tells me, “Get on the bed.” and I comply.

As i’m under him on the bed, he starts shoving his dick in my ass, pounding and pounding my tight ass and grunting all while doing it. He flexes his muscles in a mirror right next to the bed, which is the only way i can even notice what he’s doing as he’s giving me the best backshots of my life. He tells me to get up and wrap my legs around his, with his cock still in me i maneuver around and do it, and he asks, “Is that better?” After nodding he says, “Good boy.” and I look down, completely falling for him. As he pounds me again, I feel up and down his hard body, and he keeps fucking me ruthlessly.

After pounding my ass until it goes from a dark brown to a purplish tinge, Liam says, “I’ve had a crush on you since forever, but I never knew what to say, and by the time I could you had a boyfriend. I was always looking for a chance but I thought it would never happen, so I worked to be the guy you would want, and I just hope I fucking am.” How had I been so naïve??? He wanted to be with me since freshman year and I was the one to friendzone him. Letting this words sit with me for a while I caress his face and say, “You have always been the guy I wanted, I was just too blind to see.”

He smirks and starts fucking like never before, he takes my hips and moves it towards and away from his cock, grunting each time his cock goes all the way in me. In this moment I don’t see anything else but him, and as he cums in me I pull his body towards me, pulling him into me, and embracing him as our warm sweaty bodies touch. After that we end up continuing for five more rounds, each getting more and more passionate. After that whenever we would see each other after class,we would go into the supply closet and fuck again. I felt like a ball of hormones but it felt good with him.

Finally at present day, with us having been dating for three years, it seems like all of this could’ve been missed if anything had gone wrong. Every moment with him is truly memorable, and even though I never would’ve saw myself with the quiet nerd turned frat guy, I guess that’s what happened. I thank the universe each and every day for that fateful car ride, and as i get ready to graduate, I start thinking that Porter sounds like a perfect last name for me.

[lilzyex]

Bloodstains of a past life ₊˚🕯️♱‧₊˚. M.S

(Chapter 1)

In which

Julia went to a bonfire party where she met a sort of strange set of triplets. She never heard their name before. Never even saw their face, but they felt so familiar. Everyone around them knew them well. Even her closest friends which was weird. They never talked about them. But now it seems as if they attended her high school for years.

pilot Chapter2 Chapter3 Chapter4 (tbc)

I was finishing my eyeliner when I got a call from my friend Ava I quickly reached for my phone and picked up the call “hey” I say

“Yo Julia quickly! We already bought the booze and you have 10 minutes to get to the park before we literally go without you.” Ava said in a sarcastic tone

“Alright alright! I’m almost ready I’ll be there in 15.” I say opening my mascara with my teeth holding my phone in one hand “did you guys buy jäger?” I say taking the mascara out of my mouth putting it on my eye lashes

“Yes, don’t worry we thought of you. But you’re paying gas now because we bought the booze” Ava said

“Alright” I chuckle and hang up the phone on the other line I could hear Ava yell “15 MINUTES JULIA! We’re not waiting 50 years for you mate. Some ppl are already texting me if we’re on our way!”

I look at myself in the mirror one last time checking myself out I look at my black shorts with dark nylons and a white crop top. I did a curly hair method on my hair and looked at my gold jewellery

I quickly take my bag and I close my room door.

I rush down the stairs of my house where I meet my mom “be back by 11!!” She says

“Mom” I whine “at least 12? Please Ava can be out until 1am!” I complained reaching for the front door

“I don’t care what Ava can or can do! Be back by 12 jesus”

“Bye love you” I say closing the front door behind me

It was a really sunny day and it was extremely hot outside my eyes squinted at the brightness of the sun

After 10 minutes of walking I see Ava waving at me from the back of Oliver’s car. I wanted to sit at the front but it already was taken by Abigail

I open the door of the car “hey!!” I say sitting down next to Ava

“Hi!!” Ava hugged me and raised the bottle of jäger “My baby!” I giggle as I take the bottle in my hand pretending it’s my baby “ok alcoholic.” Oliver said sarcastically “Oliver you should be the last person to say that” Abigail defended me as Ava and I chuckle in the back seat

“So how long until we get there?” I ask as Oliver started driving

“About 20 minutes” Oliver said “juli you’ve already been there. You’ll see!” Ava said “I literally don’t remember. Why couldn’t we go to the usual place? The forest that isn’t too far away from town like 5-10 minutes?” I ask

“Oh Chris said that cops go there often and he told us it’s better in the other forest more aesthetic also. Oh did you bring your camera!” Ava said

“Yeah I did.” I realise she said the name chris “who’s chris?” I ask confused. Knowing there’s no chris in our school or town as I know of

Ava and Abigail look at me funny. “Julia hello? Chris sturniolo. He literally is in our history class?” Abigail said

“He’s so hot!! Oh and also he’s a triplet! I’ve never met triplets. But they’re all SO hot.” Ava said

“What?” I became even more confused “yeah their names are Matt and Nick. Too bad Nick is gay.” She explained “Wait it’s not even that bad! We can try to set him up with Oliver” Abigail said Oliver immediately rolled his eyes “Abby stop”

“No this is great! Finally a hot gay guy for you!”ava giggled

“How do you even know he’s gay for fucks sake?” Oliver groaned “oh Stella told us, she tried to flirt with him. Didn’t end well” Ava tried to hold in her laugh

I get a weird wave of Deja vu when I heard the name Sturniolo. I knew them from somewhere, but definitely not fucking school.

I look out the window trying to forget the feeling I have in my chest.

17 minutes later we arrive infront of the woods and we call Bryan who invited us in the first place because he wanted to get with Abigail. We all know it even she does, but she’d never get with Bryan he’s not her type at all. And also he’s a fuckboy. But the invites to the coolest high school parties even tho we weren’t really considered popular in our school were worth it.

“Hey Bryan” Abigail said on the other line we heard Bryan’s voice “hey sweetheart, so where are you guys?”

Abigail awkwardly giggles and says “in front of the woods. Where exactly are you guys?”

“I’ll send someone to get you. Are yall next to a fallen tree?” He asks

“Uhh yep” Abigail says

“Alright. Matt! Can you go to the broken tree a few friends of mine are waiting there they don’t know their way here”

I heard on the other line.

Matt.

A few minutes later I see a tall brunette walking towards us. I could barely see his face but some I could sense some fear inside me for my reason at all

“You okay?” Ava asked “uh. Yeah” I say keeping my eyes on the brunette

“Hey” Matt said looking at Ava chris Abigail but when his eyes met mine his eyes went wide.

“Mary?” He said with a concerned look on his face

I scrunch my eye brows “No im.”I pause “im Julia.”

He tried to laugh it off “oh. You just look.” He tried to get any excuse he could out of his mouth, but still completely shocked by her looks “you remind me of an old friend of mine.” He said “anyways let’s go” he made us following deeper into the woods

The walk was akward when Ava whispered into my ear “girl did you see that?? He totally wants you!!”

I shake my head “stop”

Moments later were being greeted by Bryan who is already handing Abigail a drink “thanks, we also brought some booze” she said grabbing Oliver’s backpack taking out a bottle of vodka and jäger

“Oh that’s great!” Bryan said practically eye fucking Abigail

Matt went to sit down next to his two brother who were sat at the fireplace

Suddenly chris and nick looked at me with horror in their eyes

“If we do kill someone tonight we have to keep a really fucking close eye on that girl her name is Julia. But I don’t fucking believe her.” Matt whispered to nick and chris

“Fuck that’s Mary. You turned her into a vampire?! I thought you killed her!” Nick whispered with a pissed off tone

“I didn’t! Okay. She was dead when I left her.” Matt said “what the fuck.” Chris sipped on his drink

An hour later I found myself sitting next to the fire with Abigail sitting across from me was Matt and chris.

Chris was talking to Ava while Oliver went for another drink.

I felt eyes on me again when I looked up from my drink to see Matt staring at me. The eye contact lasted what felt like minutes and none of us broke it.

I felt a strange feeling in my stomach. I swear I met him before. It’s almost like I know everything about him but at the same time nothing. I look at his bright blue eyes, the eyes I remember looking into maybe in a dream.

Maybe im just drunk. I said to myself, and I continued the conversation I had with Ava.

“Guys! Did you guys know that the story of the bitten Mary was in this woods?” Bryan yelled out as he leaned against his best friend Lucas

A few people agreed and yelled out. A few people started scaring each other.

I sat there confusion washing over me, why did he call me Mary?. I knew about the story but I thought it was a made up story to scare people into not going into the woods alone.

“What?” I asked Jake he smirked at me and sat down next to me “dear Julia. The bitten Mary is a TRUE story about a girl who died in this woods. She got attacked by a wolf” he explained as a few people came to sit down to hear the story, Jake put his arm around my shoulders “people say her spirit is angry and is stuck in this exact woods. And if you’re alone she’ll kill you but only young people because she’s mad that she died at a young age.”

“And how can she even kill people she’s a ghost?” Some girl said not believing the story

“She’ll bite you and drink your blood until you die. Don’t believe me? Go deeper into the woods and you’ll see.” He said

“Alright someone give me a shot I wanna see if your bitten Mary isn’t an excuse to flirt with Julia.

She takes a shot and gets up to walk deeper into the woods “good luck!” Jake Bryan yelled

“Should we go scare her?” Jake said chuckling

“Nah fuck that I know she’s already shitting herself walking there” Bryan said chugging his beer after.

2 hours later im wasted, my legs feel weak as i feel a warm sensation in my throat. I can’t help but smile at Ava while she’s talking to me and that buzz in my head I love the most.

“I’m gonna go get another drink” I giggle stumbling towards the tree where the alcohol is on the floor

The rest of the night went pretty well before I realised I was supposed to be home an hour ago I look over at Oliver to see him drunk “fuck! Oliver why are you drinking you’re supposed to drive!” I said seeing Oliver sitting with Nick “it’s okay I can drive you home.” Matt said

I turn around my intention is telling me not to let him drive but we had no other option “thank you” I sigh out of relief “I quickly drag Oliver in my drunk state almost making us both fall I see Ava and Abigail next to the drinks

“Guys we’re going home Matt is driving us since Oliver got fucking drunk” I said “msorry” Oliver chuckled

“I’ll take him” Matt said

The drive home was pretty quick since I almost fell asleep. Finally we got Ava home now it was time to get me and Oliver home. A few minutes later we were in front of my house and when Matt stopped the car I said out of pure frustration “who the fuck are you guys?” Matt turned towards me so he can look me straight in the eyes “were in history class together don’t you remember? You remember right?.” He didn’t take his eyes off of me

It was almost like he wanted to hypnotise me or something “no I don’t. I’ve seen you in my life” Matt look confused “yeah. I’m kind of a quiet type of person. Unlike you.” Matt said turning around quickly

I get out the car slamming the door behind me and slowly getting into my house so nobody wakes up.

Soon I changed my clothes and brushed my teeth and went to bed.

(A/N : did yall see the tvd reference 😜 sorry if there’s any mistakes I didn’t re read this)

[laithraihan]

Would you be comfortable sharing any personal info (age, profession, relationship status, etc...)? Completely understand if you're not but it's always really interesting learning about the lives of ppl I admire. Again, if that's not something you wanna do it's totally understandable! I love your art!!

Ah thank you so much 🫶 and sure I dont mind sharing some stuff but to be very honest Im not an interesting person, so I'm sorry in advance for disappointing you.

So I'm a woman (or something like that) even though I use a male pen name for art, Im 22 years old, 151cm (4'11"), the eldest daughter who has two teenage siblings who are both taller than me and make fun of me for being short. I do not have a profession and I do not go to school due to a disability I will not disclose. Im a lesbian engaged to a butch, we've been together for almost 4 years (our anniversary is in August)

My favorite season is winter because all the bugs are dead and I despise summer because the bugs are alive. Im also really scared of butterflies for some reason. Im scared of winged bugs in general. Ive never seen a cockroach in my life but I'd probably kill myself if I saw one. I really hate bugs. The winters are harsh here but I like walking outside when theres light snow falling at night. Im also a bit obsessed with Christmas lights but I dont celebrate Christmas, I dont follow any religion in general but my family is Muslim so Ive been raised with that. If I could just put Christmas lights in my room all year then I would do that. They look really pretty.

About my ethnicity I think everyone knows Im Algerian already, well Ive only been to Algeria once when I was like 8 years old so I dont really remember anything. All I know is that my uncle would keep telling my dad that I convinced him to stop smoking and that he's eternally grateful for that but I literally cannot remember what I did or said back then so I just pretended I knew what he was talking about. Anyway. Id like to go there again one day. I most likely will go soon in the future so it makes me happy to think about it.

My first language is French and Im somewhat fluent in English but it needs more work. Whenever I speak English I have to think harder about the words that come out of my mouth and I start saying things that dont make sense. But my pronunciation is good so other people just assume Im fluent. Also I understand Derja (Algerian Arabic) when people talk to me out loud but I cant form sentences and respond back so I just answer people in French. I know how to read Arabic script and I understand basic words but again I cant form sentences. As for Japanese I can only read Hiragana and Katakana and a bit of Kanji, and my understanding of the language is worse than Arabic, so I practice by translating Japanese song lyrics, reading news articles and talking with Japanese users online

Honestly I dunno what else to say, I dont really have any special skills or anything like that. Unless you count memorizing all the metro stations in Montreal but thats only because I had to use public transport all the time when I was a kid because my parents never felt like driving me to my appointments. At that point I probably visited every single station because I had to go to many random places. I dont have a drivers license but I prefer walking to places in general even though there are no stores near my neighborhood, but I think it's better for me because I get to walk more. I think I really like the idea of travelling in general but I dont have friends for that, my parents also wouldnt allow me to hang out with friends so it's a bit unfortunate

Oh and lately Ive been enjoying making eggs for some reason, I think Im good at doing that. But I only cook whenever Im hungry and I rarely feel hungry so I dont cook many eggs. I also dont like cleaning dishes so I avoid making huge meals in general. I dont really eat much in the first place but I still like food. I really like going to restaurants too. I just like going outside in general. I like listening to music and talking with people, normal stuff like that. Im running out of things to say so I'll probably just stop there.

[burningvelvet]

on percy shelley & human connection & coping through art

to set the mood of this post i must say i'm writing it really quickly on my phone over a bowl of pasta with bread & broccoli & some orange flavored sparkling water & im still dressed in my outdoor wintery clothes (all black, knee boots, wool, silver chains & rings, although i mostly prefer gold jewelry).

so anyway today i've been kind of sad over ppl not replying to my texts & my usual reaction is to say "ok, guess i'll kms, wah wah, cry cry" but this sort of passively cynical joking schtick has gotten old & i would rather occupy myself some other way instead of moping about failed connections or the difficulty of initiating contact with anyone or the struggles of modern socialization as a whole.

instead, i will read the works of percy shelley tonight, and think about how he struggled with all of this over 200 yrs ago. of how hard he struggled to make leigh hunt and lord byron collaborate with him on their journal the liberal, and how he struggled all his life to build a positive community even in spite of years of bullying, ostracization, and family strife - he often felt like giving up, and like human connection was impossible, but he never gave in to apathy and instead he continuously curated his ideal life by seeking out other like-minded people, even when he occasionally embarrassed himself in public or when others were decidely averse to him or lukewarm in their reception. john keats didn't entirely take to him when they met and some of keats' friends straight-up disliked percy for being weird, but percy (though scarcely knowing him) loved keats as a brother-poet nonetheless, was generous to him, wrote one of his masterpieces in his favor, and died with a copy of his poems in his pocket.

percy always reached out to others and was a loyal friend even when others disrespected him or ignored him or just simply didnt love him as much as he did them. his letters to lord byron show how reverent he was to his friend, and how his affection was never returned in quite the same gusto, but, while still trying to keep his self-respect, percy quelled his frustrations and continued his correspondence with byron regardless. percy acted as the mediator between byron and claire even when his stress was so high it weighed heavily on his health. he actively tried to choose to be positive even when the people around him were negative or miserable. like most writers back then, he sent his writing to his idols, and sought mentorship from people he admired, like william godwin and leigh hunt, and he continued to respect them even when they took advantage of him financially (moreso in godwin's case).

anyway what i mean to say is that whenever im feeling lonely or rejected or alienated or socially stupid or am just second-guessing my role in society or whatever whatever whatever, i cling to creativity/art/literature/etc. even harder than i regularly do, because thats what it exists for.

i knew a therapist (not one i saw as a patient, but someone i knew through mutual interests in media/the arts) who said that a certain musical performance we both loved probably saved way more lives than any single therapist ever has. - the performance in question was david bowie's tokyo 1990 live recording of rock n roll suicide, an anti-suicide song (its available on youtube, go watch it lol, he performs it with so much conviction).

any way even though at the end of his life shelley sometimes felt like he was failing to achieve his dream of building a utopian art commune - he actually did succeed in introducing several people to each other in ways that changed peoples lives. his friends jane williams and thomas jefferson hogg got married only through his mutual friendship. whole literary societies have been started in his honor - to this day there are conferences & whatnot that meet annually - his life & writing continues to inspire people and bring them comfort - & he would be extremely proud of that - any artist would. the main goal of any famous dead writer is basically to become the imaginary friend of their future readers & he accomplished that - even though all the time he was wracked with doubt/depression/suicidality/illness/chronic pain, etc. - as a political/philosophical radical, he realized that having hope is one of the most influential & radical things one can do - & i'm glad that, even though this is a person who died over 200 yrs ago, there is at least one person who really resonates with me - even though we're from different centuries, different continents, different sexes, etc. - it's helpful to have positive influences to look up to, especially when they've also struggled in similar ways as you. and although shelley was pretty privileged (rich englishman) he really did struggle a lot mentally & physically - his life was a chaotic mess - and he wasn't perfect at all - but i think he's still inspirational for my previously mentioned reasons - his ceaseless hope. the last poem he was working on was titled the triumph of life, even though he wrote it during a deep depression. the last poem he published in his lifetime was hellas, which he hoped would raise money for the cause of greek war of independence. from the poem:

"Life may change, but it may fly not;

Hope may vanish, but can die not;

Truth be veiled, but still it burneth;

Love repulsed, — but it returneth!"

[thebibutterflyao3]

OK IDK IF YOU TAKE FIC PROMPTS BUT I LOVE UR WORK N THIS WON’T LEAVD MY HEAD BUT FEEL FREE TO IGNORE

let’s set the scene

a fic where james is at some form of school whether college or uni or whatever and he’s a football jock and super hot so everyone asks him out but he always rejects them BUTTT he wears a necklace with an R on it and everyone wonders who is that and THEN THE NEXT YEAR reg joins and ppl assume they’re dating because of how they act but theyre so oblivious and cute they think they’re just best friends but they’re in love

I do take prompts if they interest me! This is adorable and I definitely wanted to give it a go, but I have no chill. I said to myself, “you can write a cute one-shot with a few scenes, no problem!” I’m at 15k words in two days. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Here’s a peek:

——Unedited Opening Scene——

It had to be today. Of all days for his lucky necklace to break, it had to be today. James cursed under his breath as he hurried down the pavement, cradling the pieces of the gold chain carefully in his hand. He’d panicked when he felt the chain fall from its proper place at the hollow of his throat a minute earlier, and now the small pendant glared at him accusingly as if the intense boy who’d given it to him knew that it wasn’t where it belonged.

He rubbed his thumb over the gold script “R” and smiled fondly at the memory of Regulus’s eager grin when he insisted James open the gift from him first on Christmas morning, several years ago now. James was thrilled to find the charm nestled in a small blue satin gift box, and even happier to see the matching “J” that Regulus bought for himself. They had grown close in the previous year after the brothers moved in with him and his parents and this was a sign that their friendship was meant to last.

James also remembered how Regulus’s cheeks burned with embarrassment when he saw that his brother bought a similar set for him and his boyfriend the following year. Sirius had dismissed his concern and declared it was an equally appropriate gift for his “adopted brother,” but Regulus looked even more mortified. The term made James wince at the time. He never wanted to interject himself in Regulus and Sirius’s family bond, and remained content to be friends.

And now I’ve broken it, on the very first day he arrives at uni. Well done, you putz.

He searched the crowd gathered around the Square for a familiar dark head of wavy hair and anxious grey eyes. Regulus wasn’t tall enough to stand out among the throng of new students, but James’s gaze was drawn directly to him within seconds. Hurriedly, he waded through the crowd to reach him. When their eyes met, Regulus gasped and shoved his way past the handful of students standing between them.

“Jamie!” Regulus called out, leaping at James with his arms outstretched.

James rushed forward and caught him in a tight hug. “Hey Reg! You made it!”

“There’s so many people here,” Regulus whispered in his ear. “It’s a lot to take in.”

He nodded, then eased his hold a bit so that he could see his face. Regulus’s lips were bitten raw and his cheeks were pink with nervous excitement, but otherwise he looked exactly as James remembered. Their Facetime calls were the highlight of his week, every week, and his sole source of sanity when the stress of his summer sessions wore him thin.

“What dorm are you in? Did you request Gryffindor?” James asked, lowering his feet to the ground.

“I did, but they said it was full.” Regulus frowned as he pulled away. “Is Slytherin close?”

“Right across the street!”

James’s smile faltered when Regulus’s gaze fell to his chest. He held out his hand and quickly explained what happened with the clasp. Relief washed over Regulus’s sharp features as he carefully pieced the remaining tiny links back together. The little furrow between his brows when he was lost in concentration amused James and he was tempted to smooth it away with his thumb.

“There,” Regulus pronounced, holding up the necklace triumphantly. “Turn around and I’ll put it on.”

James swivelled on his heel and stooped a bit so that Regulus could reach his neck. “Thanks. I had a bit of a panic when it broke.”

“May be a tad tight now,” Regulus said. He deftly clasped the chain without issue, despite the fact that James hadn’t opened the clasp in years. When he turned around again, Regulus smiled and patted the charm approvingly as he reached for his own, untucking the silver “J” to rub it between his thumb and finger.

——Unedited Middle Scene——

James steadied himself with a hand on Sirius’s shoulder as the pain began to recede. “No one hurt me, alright? I crashed into the lockers during half-time trying to get my phone. I had to check on Regulus and–”

“Alright, enough,” Peter interrupted. He marched up to James and prodded his chest with one finger. “What’s it going to take, James? How much more proof do you need?”

James glared at Peter. “Leave it. There’s no reason to stir shite up when things are perfectly fine as they are.”

Peter glared right back, his hands propped on his hips like a disappointed mum. “James Fleamont Potter, have your bollocks fallen off? What happened to your self-respect? Has he scrambled your brain that much?”

“Who? What the hell are we talking about?” Sirius shook Peter’s shoulder roughly.

“Regulus! James is in love with Regulus!” Peter shouted.

A startled gasp whipped James’s head up with a loud crack. Shite. Regulus.

“No! Regulus, it’s not true,” James said, rushing forward. He made it a handful of steps before coming to a halt. “Why didn’t you come to the game?”

Regulus backed up slowly, unprepared for the rush of emotions that rolled through him at the sight of James. Particularly, a badly bruised and upset James. The same bloke that he’d spent the last hour and a half forcing himself to consider his feelings about, only to hear James assure him that he didn’t have any for Regulus in return.

Remus was right. I am pathetic. How did I miss it?

He swallowed past a lump in his throat and shook his head. “I had a project…the library…”

“You didn’t say anything about a project.”

“No, I didn’t,” he admitted. Regulus’s hands clenched into fists at his side. “It doesn’t matter anyway though, does it?”

James’s face contorted through a number of expressions before settling on frustration. “Of course it matters! I lost the game because I was too busy worrying about you! What the fuck, Reg? Why didn’t you come to the game like you said you would? I was looking everywhere for you. I couldn’t concentrate on the plays and–”

“So, it’s my fault you lost your game?” Regulus checked.

“Yes! Wait, no…I mean.” James huffed and stomped forward, grabbing the front of Regulus’s jumper. “Listen, Regulus, I need to hear you say it. Why didn’t you come to the game?”

Regulus tipped his head back and closed his eyes. This was not going the way he’d expected it to, which in some ways was a good thing. He wasn’t sure he could handle both of them being clingy saps right now. One of them needed to keep a clear head.

[sweetmariihs2]

🪄My thoughts on Cedric The Sorcerer🌙 (until now)

(not that anyone cares idk i just wanna talk about him, it's a lot of random thoughts and it's messy, but it's fun to read I guess)

Did you like that cute moodboard I did for him? It took me like 10 minutes I loved it. It fits him so well I'm so proud of myself for doing this. The whimsigothic aesthetic matches him so well I wish more people knew it so we would have tons of moodboards and cute stuff of him in this aesthetic it would be so nice. Ok let me start my post

I wanna share some headcanons, talk about my first impressions, it's not really organized I just wrote down whatever I remembered and the result was that. I wanna share my new hyperfocus with more people, that's what I'm doing here today :)

Everything started when I saw this man on Tumblr and though "who's this guy and why is princess Sophia next to him?", when I clicked on the hashtag out of curiosity I understood that it's because he's a character from the cartoon, and I was like "lol another tumblr sexyman again let's move on keep doing my things and interacting with my fandoms" (december 24)

I also mentioned it to my friend on IG bc I saw a reels that was like "you don't have any weird fictional crushes right?" and then proceeds to show us an edit of him with millions of hearts around. I sent it to her and said "omg I saw ppl talking about this on tumblr" and we just laughed a lot because it was something we did not expected (not mean laughs, they were genuine laughs of shock and because that was very unexpected like HOW IN THE WORLD, and she remembered him in the show while I didn't)

Some days later I saw more fanarts of him on tumblr and that made me a little curious, but not enough to search about the subject.

After some days I just couldn't forget him, and that's when I searched his name on youtube purposely trying to find compilations of his funny moments to understand what was happening

And boy I did

At this point was just having fun and laughing thinking "omg another guy who's sassy, has good personality and is another ugly-atractive character that has a fandom on tumblr, I got it, he's very nice" and I went to do other stuff again but this man just DIDN'T CAME OUT OF MY MIND

Just making an interruption here, I loved watching Disney Junior as a kid, maybe when I was six or seven, idk I don't remember, and I was a huge fan of Sofia The First, it was one of my favorite cartoons from Disney Jr alongside Doc McStuffins and Art Attack. AND I JUST DON'T REMEMBER CEDRIC IT'S LIKE I NEVER SAW HIM IN THAT SHOW, EVER. I literally don't remember him being part of the cast i'm sorry Cedric 😭 now he stands out so much to me, he's carrying the whole show on his back. Btw now that I mentioned Disney Junior I would like to say that here in Brazil Sofia First is actually called Little Princess Sofia, and Doc McStuffins is Doctor Toys. Sometimes I call Sofia "Princess Sofia" but I don't even know if that's how they call her in the english version, I watched everything on portuguese 😭 but ok let's move on (I have more things to say related to the brazillian dub, but let me finish my train of thought first)

As I was saying this man just didn't came out of my mind, and I was like "Oh no another hyperfocus where people around me will make fun of me because they will say that he's ugly and that liking kid's shows is something weird 😭 I can't take this anymore" and I tried to deny it but I CAN'T i'm almost making a pinterest board for him, I just accepted my fate (gonna draw fanarts soon and no one can stop me)

I found a list of every chapter he's in and i'm watching every. single. one. of. them. I watched the movie first, and boy this is gave me so much nostalgia because I remember some vague objects and scenes from when I was a kid, I used to love the Disney Princesses, when I got a little older I started watching Descendants, I grew up watching Tangled and Frozen and I swear to god I almost teared up from nostalgia during the episode Rapunzel shows up, and they didn't changed her voice actor, that's what got me. It was like travelling back to a time I didn't even remembered that existed anymore. Because since I haven't seen Sofia The First in about 10 years, I don't even remember anything FROM the show except for some parts, and that this show had so much old Disney energy that I didn't even know made a difference, but it does.

I'm sounding like a granny here but (i'm not even in my 20s yet) it feels like another time, Disney changed so much. Some of the new movies are good, some are bad, I see Disney much more as a company that wants money and makes movies instead of that perfect place where all dreams come true and every girl is a princess (Here in Brazil I never had a dream to go to Disneyland because Disney in the early 2010's invested more in products and blue ray DVDs in Brazil, since the parks were in the United States and we weren't really the target audience for that. So they didn't minded making publicity about it, so I just watched the movies and Disney Junior). Everything felt more magical when I was a kid, I spent my days watching DVDs and sometimes had some Disney princesses themed toys, it was so fun playing pretend that I was a princess and I really felt like one. Rewatching Sofia The First made me feel like this again because they made this show at the time that their public were HUGE fans of the Disney princesses and it has the same characteristics, plots, even styles of the songs and soundtracks, visuals + I watched it when I was younger. It's not just "princesses" it has the whole Disney girly early 2010's magic into it and it made me so bittersweet, even if they tried they could never do nowdays a movie inspired by that time and give me the same feeling as a REAL movie from that time does. Sofia The First: Once Upon a Time was like watching a new movie from that old Disney, one that I didn't saw before, but at the same time I did, and that's the best part. The end of the movie gave me so much nostalgia that I almost cried too. That experience was amazing :")

It gives me the same nostalgia that I feel when I hear that song "a dream is a wish your heart makesss" it makes me cry how I miss to be a little girl again (i'm crying right now btw i'm very intense with my emotions)

(And hell I don't remember Cedric at all, since when he was there the whole time? Now that I know that he's there I'm feeling like really reeeeaaaaalllyy vague memories are trying to come back in my head, but I don't know if my brain is doing this on purpose or i'm just confusing him with an equally vague memory of Cruella. I guess it's the first option, I'm trying so hard that my brain is making up memories. Weird.)

But yeah at first I saw everyone falling to his feet and even though I understood that he was very funny and had a well-writen personality I couldn't really get why people were romantically in love with him. Well um I actually got it, he was a good character and was one more of these strangely atractive characters that people fall in love with, I've been there too. But I just couldn't see what was so atractive that people were simping over him, for me at that moment he was just funny and fits very well the "let's make a fandom" type of character, like for example Preminger from Barbie Princess and The Pauper. But then I thought "idk what i'm talking about i'm demisexual lol let's wait a few days" (That happened before. Many times.)

And I'm like. I don't know what's happening to me I'm so susceptible to weird (in socially non-fandom people's words) crushes and I thought I wouldn't be afected this time. Just so you can have an idea some of my last crushes were: Dr Flug from Villanos, Jackson Jekyll from Monster High, Raggedy Andy, THE Eddie Munson (for a whole year and some months, and I was so bullied after his "trend" ended because people said that his fans were cringe and everything (that's fake lol they are very nice)), 70% of my list are just nerds and sensitive guys with different types of mental illness yay my fav type

and now I think I'm feeling unironically atracted by this man it's just happening really slowly 😭 (DEMISEXUALS ‼️‼️⁉️⁉️💥💥💥💥💥👊👊👊👊)

I'm gonna be honest with you, at the moment I can't decide if I like him or not I'm so confused at the same time that I get it I also don't like how tf am I atracted by this man 😭 and then I'm like hmm he's acually cute let me search for some fanfiction

I'M SO CONFUSED I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE i guess I'll just wait to see what happens

you guys know that tiktok audio "at first I was like 'hmmm feet' as a joke,,,,, but bro....... I don't think that's a joke anymore...." (that's me rn but with Cedric)

Also I would like to take this oportunity that you're listening to me talking about Cedric to say the most important thing that this fandom needs to know:

We need more Cedric representations in Whimsical/Whimsigoth/Whimsigothic aesthetic it's like it was made for him just search that on Pinterest please you won't regret

And I'm here wondering what kind of songs he would listen to. I think he would like dark fantasy music, or witch music. I don't care if he's on medieval era and people didn't had access to a lot of music genres at that time, we are talking about disney nothing is historically correct

I can't help but think about Lana Del Rey but being a huge fan of her songs I don't think that it matches his tastes. I guess he maybe would like Aurora's last album, The Gods We Can Touch. I don't know why, it's the witchy vibes I guess. But I don't know, it's still not something that matches him a lot. EXCEPT FOR THE SONG MIDAS TOUCH FROM AURORA. IT'S PERFECT FOR HIM YOU GUYS SHOULD CHECK IT OUT

The cover isn't giving the aesthetic though, Aurora made this song for a show and then put the show album cover unfortunately. But her aesthetics are usually whimsical and magic, inspired by theatre, greek gods and tarot. This song is so good 😭

And of course there are songs like Everything Matters that fits his vibe but idk it depends on who's listening since it's not about the lyrics. The Innocent has a small part who matches him a little, the whole song has that witchy vibe dancing around the fire, I don't know how to describe it.

Coming back to Cedric I think my favorite scenario is him having an apprendice not too much younger than him. I think it's cute. I've never seen any fics like this (in fact I just read like 5 oneshots which is almost nothing) and if you guys know any let me know. I think it's just nice the idea of living with him and being his apprendice while having like a romantic tension between the two characters. It's cute

Also remember when I said I was going to talk a little more about the brazillian portuguese dub? So, something that I thought was really funny happened to me: In the first season he had his voice actor obviously and I was already used to his voice some time after watching the cartoon. It was very funny to me because the first time I saw a "scene compilation" of him it was in english, so hearing him talk in my language was fun. And btw his voice actor did a really good job voicing him, he (had a similar voice and) was really expressive just like his english VA, so like, really nice 👍

And then at some point in season two, from one episode to another, his voice actor suddently changed????? And obviously I got a little sad because his first VA was really good and I was used to his voice :( but the thing is: The new VA wasn't just a new one, IT'S THE SAME GUY WHO VOICED DR FLUG HERE IN BRAZIL AND I WAS LIKE OMG

THEY ARE SO SIMILAR IN PERSONALITY AND NOW THEY HAVE THE SAME VOICE WITH THE VOICE ACTOR'S MANNEIRISMS AND EVERYTHING (because that VA really has an specific way to talk, he stutter a little, sounds a little ironic but at the time really anxious, make some funny sounds for no reason sometimes like his screams)

I was really upset when they changed all the brazillian voice actors in Villanos, and that Flug didn't had his full-of-personality-and-expressive voice anymore :( the new episodes now have new voices and eveything, and they did their best, but it's not the original voices anymore and it doesn't hit the same yk? And then BAM CELDRIC HAS DOCTOR FLUGS VOICE NOW BITCH TAKE THIS

and the fact that Sofia The First was dubbed even before Villanos came out it's so funny to me

So yeah let me show you guys his amazing work at voicing two of my favorite characters:

After they changed Cedric's voice actor I was a little annoyed by the fact that I couldn't hear Cedric anymore, just Flug 😭 but now I'm slowly getting used to it and it's starting to sound like Cedric again.

Before that happened I could see some similarities between the two but I thought that I was just thinking too much and trying to connect two fandoms that I like, so I just forgot about it. After that happened my mind just blew it all make so much sense right now

And they are so similar in personality that I had to make a list of everything they have in common:

They work for guys that are completely blind to their talents and think that they're just idiots all the time

They have more potential than people think

Their projects/spells always go wrong because people keep disrupting their public moments, and so they are seen and weak and dumb (when they're not)

Science/Magic guys (they keep throwing liquids from one pot to another and saying difficult words, only for someone to stop them halfway and the substance explodes in their face, making them angry because this person once again interrupted their project that was going perfectly)

Self-confidence issues

Anxious mess, are always nervous and scared of something bad happening all the time

Childhood trauma because people never really saw their acomplishments and again and again kept repeating that they are idiots who don't know nothing (when they are geniuses!!)

They say that they're mean and they say that they do mean things when actually they are just really nice. They just choose that path because they think it's the only one that can bring them sucess and recognition in the future, but they were never made for this. They just do that because they want to proof their value to people who can't see it.

At the same time that they are mentally unstable, sometimes their confidence is so high that they start to act arrogant because "they're too smart and their projects are amazing": "I love what I do I'm the best sorcerer/scientist in the world"

But when they need to show that to people something bad always happens (because of other people!) And their plan fails, leaving them with confidence issues

"I'm too smart you guys don't deserve me"

"I can't do anything right omg i'm so stupid"

Their movements and maneirisms are so expressive, they're both skinny and tall and keep making those anxious poses, fidgeting with their hands, always anxious, scared of something, thinking too much and overall being nervous and ankward around their bosses

Boss just treats them as failures and gives them orders, in which they respond in the most submissive and saddest way because they're just miserable and just two little guys who are trying to proof their value in a place where no one even see them as people

But sometimes they are genuinely egoistic and egocentric because duh they're the best sorcerer/scientist out there, hello everybody is gonna know their name when they rule the world bye

They act so stupid and lovesick in their official crushes episodes, it's so funny

And even if we never saw Dr Flug's official face there is a design out there in the fandom where he has black hair with white streaks on his bangs so like 👍👍

Well um I guess that's all I have to say about this subject for now

These are my thoughts 🫶

I feel like I said a lot in a short amout of time but I'm here writing since 04:30 AM and now it's 07:47 AM so like. yikes

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for ghosting 2 of my closet friends?

TL;DR: 2 of my closest/longest friendships ive had were ended by me stopping any and all communication, either unprompted or prompted. i dont feel any urge to talk with these people again, and i do not want to rekindle these friendships.

i (19ftm) have had only 2 friendships were i would consider the other person a "best friend". the first one was when i was in middle school (12-13). this other person, we'll call K(at the time 13F). now back in middle school i was what would be considered as the cool kids say: Cringe. super obsessed with undertale AND homestuck, a big 1-2 punch.

i met K through our homeroom class, and we really hit it off well. she was funny, great at art, and also loved undertale (she was the one who actually got me into homestuck, but thats besides the point). we hung out constantly, always chatting and swapping art tips, that sorta thing.

when i moved schools in 7th grade we became distance friends. not long distance bc we lived 30 min. away from each other, but we didn't get to see each other everyday anymore. eventually we started dating, but i didnt really feel content w the relationship at the time (i didnt know i was trans/gay yet lol).

one day i told her i was taking a break from social media/discord for a while until i sorted myself out, and then i would be back. i never spoke with her again after that and i felt like shit for years for ghosting my at the time girlfriend. i didnt take the break with the intention of ghosting K, it just kinda happened. she deleted her discord and i don't remember her tumblr so i have no way of communicating w her anymore. we knew each other for about 3-4 years, and dated for about half of that.

my other friend we'll call T(ftm). I met T my freshman year, when i was 14. T is 2 years older than me, so he was 16 at the time, a sophomore. T and i really hit it off well, and we hung out all the time after school, and talked over discord daily. he did a lot for me ill be honest, and helped me through an identity crisis when i realized i was trans and also gay.

however, when T graduated he started to drift away. i was still a junior at the time but we stayed in contact the best we could. i started driving so i would visit him in his apartment on weekends. however things really nose dived my senior year. i was 17-18 and all my friends had graduated, so i was already feeling pretty alone.

i kept trying to find comfort in T but he just kinda faded away. he found a new friend group of ppl closer to his age and they started hanging out more. i knew some of these people from our school, and was even friends w one of them, but for some reason he insisted on keeping me separate from them.

things boiled over when our mutual friend from this new friend group decided to throw a halloween party, but had to cancel last minute. time skip to november 1st and im picking up T to go rollerskating, and to my surprise he hops in my car out of breath and says "sorry it took so long, i was cleaning up after a halloween party!" and went on about this party he threw the night before with all his friends from the other group. T explained to me that he didn't invite me bc "i wouldn't know any of them".

i was pissed. really pissed. i stopped making plans to hang out with him, but to my surprise so did he. we stopped chatting daily, and the last time we spoke was april of last year. i sent him a final message in may trying to spark another conversation but he never replied. so i gave up. i stopped talking to him.

then i realized the pattern of me growing extremely close with someone only to ghost them. i know T basically ghosted me but i also stopped putting in the effort so i feel i still hold some of the blame. even when i last saw T in person i avoided him like the plague, and i just pray that if we do see each other again he does NOT recognize me.

What are these acronyms?

[cyberspookviv]

my experience with the hazbin/helluva hatedom and how I continued to hate myself from there on TW: vent/s*icide/problematic stuff

I guess I was lowkey kinda young when I found out about Hazbin/helluva (around 2023 and I am a minor around 12-18) I know i shouldn’t be watching that shit and considering how bad the fandom is now with kids I feel guilty but it wasn’t that “big” back then I didn’t like it at first but then I tried it some more there was too many cursing it kinda made me scared for once and a while but I sorta liked it? Maybe because it was my first experience with violent content? Idk ajsjdj

yet little did I know that it would be considered one of the most hated fanabases I seen in my entire life

I guess it was a primary fandom I was really into as embarrassing as it I just fell in love with the characters and lore a little “too fast” this was such a fun fandom to make aus and theories because of how fun the lore was it wasn’t good at all but atleast I had “fun” right? Sometimes now I thinking about it I was too obsessed with it and hell I was so distracted by all the fun stuff about it that I forgot about the criticism in the first place i wasn’t immune I tried to take it by watching videos online but it was….. harsh…. And shit hell sometimes I was kinda immune bc I still needed to continue most of hb lol but…I guess it got to a point where it felt…kinda bad maybe “too” flawed so I got scared I had experience with my interests being despised before and I didn’t want the same to happen again so I tried to defend it and that’s where the creator….comes in…..

.

I thought her imagination was…fascinating she had such passion and thought behind her shows…that she became… my role model…. So I tried to defend her…but tbh nobody really seemed to like her I tried sticking to people who defended her like ayy lmao

but then I realized about the stuff she did…

It make me look like a damn fool…

and what’s even worse people who defended her were called “dick riders” I then started seeing hate around her “with the written by vivziepop jokes” and the controversies on Twitter

I got anxious…. But at the end she was a bad person right…just separate art from the artist

but nobody liked the art either

Hazbin finally came out and there’s was either love or hate and tbh I got really back into Hazbin bc of the release of it being on “prime” but I knew something didn’t feel right I went on Twitter a lot “too much” actually and i discovered these rumors about her and if I defended these rumors about such terrible things I would just look like such a stupid pathetic dick sucking retard so I forced myself to hate her either way so I forced myself to go online and read “hh/hb critical” content but then I began to hate myself even more they painted her as such a terrible person but i agreed anyway because it was the “truth” but then again she was my idol…my role model….i got so anxious and I never even gave a damn about the shows writing making it even worse when it came to criticism it was noticeable in the show but I choosed the ignore it and when I saw ppl complaining online I felt like a complete pathetic asshole for liking it and what’s worse they would say shit like “she’s manipulative and narcissistic and her fans are nothing but dick riders that are thoughtless and can’t take criticism and deserve to die in a fucking fire” it made me want to absolutely k*ll myself and made me feel like i wasn’t worth living

THIS SHIT FUCKING EXPLAINS IT ALL

I wanted to talk to somebody or a therapist desperately about this but I loved her and her shows so either way my behavior was fucking creepy making me hate myself even more because my story was never “valid”

so I just ran away

I’m doing better now….i still miss the shows tho even though most people call it “toxic” for supporting a “horrible” person but still have that charm when i see it or see posts about it it makes me remember how “happy” i use to watch it and the fact that i had to ran away a join better fandoms that were accepted by people and wouldn’t make me feel ashamed and wanting to end my life i just finally…finally decided to share this post now despite how controversial it may get i might honestly get death threats or hate comments tbh lol

but I just want some people to know out there about my experience because I just desperately need a heartwarming comment right now to make sure that I’m not alone please…I just wanted to have fun I’m doing better now…. I just want everything and I mean EVERYTHING to be ok…

I just want to be accepted…..

.

[fandoomrants]

welcome back to ur fully hp obsession <3

it's just...i really respect ur opinion but as someone who ship Wolfstar for so many yrs I think i have to say sth

This story (harry potter) has so so SO many ships, like everyday we get a new pairing ...you can't tell me the only reason why wolfstar has been so popular for nearly 20 yrs is bc we didn't get interaction between marauders... otherwise what? prongsfoot would be the most popular one or Wolfstar would not be this popular? because we always knew that Sirius and James were extremely close. it's literally there..in the books...we know that.

I never understand the "Sirius was closer to James" argument...yes they were so close but that didn't stop James from falling in love with lily (shocking right? these days ppl tend to forget that this man was in love with someone that is not reggie and they got maried and had a child who this whole series is about)

And yes Sirius was taller than Remus ...ty for mentioning , love u <33

Hi, yeah, soo first of all, thanks for this ask, actually! I mean, I share my thoughts and I appreciate it when someone actually takes the time to read it and especially when they have something to say about it! I'm afraid that's gonna be one very long answer coming at you.

Second, I feel the need to start with this here cause likee, these things I wrote are just a bunch of random canon facts (plus one I just think makes sense) that I realised after going through some stuff and they sent me into a near depression episode because I have totally forgotten most of these things thanks to fanon and I think I'm not the only one. I actually lost a bit of sleep that night.

Third, I knew my wording in that part of the post was weird and was going to create the wrong ideas. So don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Wolfstar. Likee, to me they make sense and I hate what happened in the end. I just meant they're a popular ship because we really get to see lots of interactions between them. And the reasoning is that we got to see these interactions between them as adults, with one of their best friends already dead and one of them (and later the other) aware that it's another one that killed him. We basically get to see only their dynamic and that's what started the ship.

But about what I said that maybe they wouldn't have been that popular if we had seen more interactions between all four of them was based on if we had seen the whole story in chronological order. Without the knowledge that James is going to die or that Peter would betray them.

And I don't think if that was the case, people would have shipped James and Sirius much more. I'm a firm believer that there is this level of platonic friendship that is so strong that there is absolutely no way it can be seen as something else, and this is exactly the type of friendship between Sirius and James. Why I mentioned the closeness between them was just because a lot of people somehow seem to forget that they were the closest ones and instead seem to believe that Sirius and Remus were the closest ones because we first saw them interact as adults when the others weren't around. Not to also mention the Prank or some other things that might have made people a bit wary of the ship. So I think that if we had seen the story in that order, maybe they would have still become a popular ship but not as fast or maybe there would have been people shipping the two of them with other people too, maybe even Peter. Or maybe we would have seen evidence of them being closer to canon than we thought!

I also want to say that in any case, I have things which I love and ship but I also don't mind other people's ships and I don't judge, even if I don't see the appeal myself and I might even read things that have such ships in the background, as long as what I ship is not in any way harmed (e.g. read a fic where one of the people in a ship I have is with someone else). Like, I might dislike a ship only if it is abusive or there is something that's really not okay with it. As I shared a post earlier, there are some ships I don't entirely understand but this doesn't mean I hate them. In that trail of thoughts, I also understand most of people's hcs and somewhat fanon facts that everyone accepts and I don't mind these at all.

Finally, again thanks for this post! I plan a second part where I'll also mention that in addition to Sirius being taller, he also had short hair.

Feel free to ask again or, yk, just send a DM.

[limeade-l3sbian]

CW WARNING, DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF HARM

when I was in high school I cut for two years. and it genuinely felt "good" (at the time). the pain was minimal compared to these abrupt rushes of release i would feel raking my dull, house key across my skin until i broke skin. i didn't care that using this dirty key infected my cuts and made them hurt later and I didn't care that i had to wear a sweater in california heat. it felt great and even when it didn't, i kept doing it because i knew eventually the "good" feeling would come back the next time i did it.

i actually liked the look of my arms. i liked to see all the scars, i liked the blood. i liked the sting when my arm touched things. that's something i never even told my mom who had to deal with this. i liked cutting, i really did. it didn't fix shit, but it alleviated me for however long i could manage before the pain outweighed the pleasure and i finally stopped.

i stopped because people began to notice and kept a stricter eye on me. i took medicine. went to therapy. and all that good stuff, and now you wouldn't even know i cut by looking at my arms (woohoo!).

but the intervention that was taken was completely unwelcomed. i hated that my school was calling me in now and again and making me assure them that i wouldn't hurt myself. i hated the psych doctor who wouldn't let me immediately go home after my 5150. because the ppl who should've cared, honestly, just didn't. they "cared", but they did nothing about it. coming home from the hospital as a minor, i was immediately left home alone for hours. i knew my family loved me but to me, it was like "they don't understand how dire this is".

it's a terrible feeling, and i have a great deal of sympathy and care for those who went through it and who are actively going through it. i wrote all this just to say that even if the ppl who should give a shit, don't? you do it for yourself. you take care of you. remove yourself from your own body and imagine if this was someone else. why does everyone else deserve peace and grace except you? in the most secular way possible, i say that your body really is a temple. you can decorate it how you want but there is no good in harming the very structure itself.

idk i saw something about self harm a few minutes ago and wanted to share. there is worth to your temple, and there is a woman of worth in your reflection. nothing so damaging is easily conquered, but it's hard to go to war when you're already wounded. pls give yourself the peace you deserve. please.

[roxyzwritez]

Stevens Trauma, and My Own Parallels.

tw: SH, su1c1d3 mentions, mental unwellness. this post gets fucking depressing. under the cut is my tale. im definitely not channeling that one person who makes detailed and really good analyses of stevwn universe... completely unrelated haha impatheticsometimes

alright. steven meltdown arc. love it.

i dont have ptsd but there are definitely relatable parts. "i need to help everyone and forget about myself" is how i spent covid. very (unintentionally) toxic atmosphere with my old friend group. a congregation of mentally unstable teens. everyone, essentially daily, having hard suicidal moments. and me panickimg and trying to talk them out of it. i wasnt amazing at it cuz they tried anyway, maybe going back at the last minute. never lost anyone, prob out of hard luck. the need to help. i was exhausted but i kept going. our collective signal for feeling suicidal was a :) and every time i see it i feel uneasy. even if only for a second. but it doesnt go away. its horrifying. i see it and i start overanalyzing the context it was used. does this person want to commit? how can i help? ok maybe i do have some trauma.

not talking abt my problems to make ppl happy. the amount of times i wanted to kms and i put a little :) in my status and id get flooded with messages. it felt painfully nice having ppl care (genuinely painful: hated myself. ppl being warm and supportive and caring made me cry and made me ANGRY. i felt like a fraud- oh hey, that sounds familiar!) and i would be like nono, see im fine. id essentially try to weakly gaslight my fucking friends into believing i was perfectly fine. oh that status saying i want to die? idk what ur talking about bro... not me! that post in my channel talking abt me hating myself? ur just imagining things. guess what? i knew that was wrong. it made me hate myself even more. i put up barriers and cut myself off from my closest ppl. i actually blocked people or just ignored them. i would push ppl away and, somehow despite their own problems, they still stuck by my side. god i would subtly ask for help and then get upset when someone answered. id be like no this isn't how youre supposed to do this. id be like you dont know how bad i am. im so horrible. (i had fuel for this too- i am into very taboo shit and i hate it honestly. yeah its fiction but i just. eygh. its all just trauma related im assuming but that doesnt help.) of course i never shared exactly what but i hoped they'd take my word for it. they always saw thru my bullshit lol.

one time. someone who was very good at comforting me was tryinh to get me to imagine a happy place. just to think of when im feeling bad. i was having none of it. but they did the right thing and continued. i freaked the fuck out and deleted my channel- with months of history. gone. and i blamed them. i was so angry at myself and them but more so me. i was so horrible there. i was like YOU COULDVE JUST STOPPED LIKE I TOLD YOU TO. i made them feel like shit.

i lost my train of thought but yeah as cr1tikal said, that's about it have a good o-

[paperbackribs]

20 Questions for fic writers

tagged by the lovely @finntheehumaneater 💜

How many works do you have on AO3? 18

What’s your total AO3 word count? 193,735

What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things and The Rookie

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A pretty flower for a pretty boy

Swift Wings and a Brave Heart

The Gift

A lavendar pin in his pocket

Clear Lungs, Full Heart

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely! Definitely! How could I not? Lovely people have made the effort to tell me that I'm not posting into the void and I want to do the same for them. Plus, I just really like talking to commentors: they have interesting insights, or funny takes, or simply observed something that struck them and it's always fun to talk to them. Especially with the regulars who often comment; I feel like I've struck up a friendship with them.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

A microfic called The Bar. It's for The Rookie fandom and in it Tim gets increasingly drunk after his addict wife stole from his home and guilty reflects how relieved he is that he never told her his secret about being a selkie.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Like, all of them lol? I like to end my stories with people in love and a bright future ahead of them. Laughter and soft kisses are often how I fade out of a fic.

Do you get hate on fics?

No, but I think you have to be a certain size before you start attracting the haters.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, but honestly it's one of my weaknesses - it just doesn't come naturally. But in Tarnished Copper Boy it's been about trust and handing over control. In The Gift it was a reflection of pent-up, forbidden attraction.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No. But I think if I did it'd be because I'd want to borrow the other universe's magic/fantasy structure.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

lol I hope not.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nah, but I did accidentally click on my bookmarks for Tarnished Copper Boy once (I forbid myself from reading bookmarks usually) and saw that there was a comment in cyryllic (?) or something. (This was a while back so I can't remember fully but) I think the comment translated to 'sweet pain.' 💜

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

negatory

What’s your all time favorite ship?

steddie

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

secretly omega Steve forced to take meds to appear as an alpha. he agrees to getting off with alpha Eddie but frequently makes sure that the lights are off and that touching only happens in certain ways that he controls. Eddie at first thinks its a reflection on him but increasingly suspects something is up until finally unravelling the mystery. there's definitely some Steve Harrington Has Bad Parents in there, but also some nuance about them genuinely wanting what's best for him.

What are your writing strengths?

I'm told dialogue and characterisation. and, honestly, that's where I have the most fun so it'd make sense that readers pick that up

What are your writing weaknesses?

description. I literally can't imagine anything in my head. have you seen that thing where ppl are asked to imagine an apple and there's a scale of ppl can see it in their head to not at all? I'm not at all. so I do a lot of online imagery research to help flesh my writing out.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I generally avoid it because because I want it to sound natural and I don't think I'll hit the mark.

First fandom you wrote for?

X-files. During reading time in primary school I'd ask the teacher if I could write instead, and tried shipping them before I even knew the word.

Favorite fic you’ve written?

A Tarnished Copper Boy. It probably has the least love compared to my other fics, but that could be because it's a very large fic and chapters reflect that too, so it may be hard to invest in weekly (or, at least, that's what I tell myself haha). But I truly put my heart and soul into it, and I simply love it.

No pressure tags: @solarmorrigan 💜

[imthatpowerful]

i love talking abt my boyfriend and how perfect he is :3 if i could i would write a 1000 page book abt it and turn it into a series of books i would bc i js love him sm like he’s the reason i even know what a love surge feels like and like im so in love with him im so glad i discovered shifting omg and i JS KNOW he’s the one who made me discover it bc before i discovered it i fell in love with him yk so the timeline is that back in october 2020 i started getting into one direction, before that i was a casual local who only knew two songs from them and didn’t take interest to them at all tbh but then i was working on an art project for school and i didn’t have spotify so i used youtube to listen to music and at that time wms was popular and i loved it and then yt recommended clouds by one direction and then i instantly fell for it and then i listened to more and more songs and then my obsession began… i started watching interviews and reading facts and one person out of the 5 boys caught my eye…💘 Harry Edward Styles 💓

before that i literally didn’t gaf abt him like i used to think he was unattractive and annoying bc i used to be a swiftie and i saw a video made by a swiftie bashing him and i was a meat rider so i agreed w the vid 😭

anyways…then like my love for him grew so deep u guys don’t understand like my heart felt some typa way and i didn’t crush on anyone the way i did him and i knew it no school crush wavered my love for him and no ick made me stop loving him and i remember having to resort to ACTUAL delusion to get over the fact that ill never be with him like no joke i used to imagine and pretend he was right next to me and i genuinely sometimes felt him there yk like when u feel the presence of someone istg i felt his presence there and i remember when i used to cry (cuz it was a rough time back then) a lot and pretend i was laying in his arms as he comforted me and that used to calm me down bc i could genuinely feel him comforting me but it would then make me cry even harder bc i couldn’t be w him and like i remember when i found other ppl attractive i felt sooo bad for him (even tho this was all in my head at the time) i would stop it and stick to him and i remember summer 2021 at the start of it i was lowk goin through it then i saw a video from one of my harry styles moots on tt talk abt how they scripted the wrong harry era and lhh almost jumped them 😭

cmon now? this cutie? jumping someone?

anyways so like and i was confused i thought dr meant like a vr game or smth 😭😭😭😭 and i wanted to play it but then when she explained it i lowk didn’t fully get it but i was interested and then that was also during my subliminal era when i discovered subs from a youtuber idrk who tho and then i wanted a summer bod and i read the comments saying they felt like they did a workout but i felt nothing and i heard nothing and i was confused until i read abt manifestation which then led me to finding shifting subs then i read abt shifting then i made a tiktok abt it and i told my fam (worst mistake they told me it was a sin and it was fake) then i made a shifttok acc and my first script and ever since then harry was my s/o and my mission was to get to him and i told myself no matter what even if i lose feelings for him (which hasn’t happened and won’t ever happen bc he’s my pookie) he will always be the first guy i date EVER like he will be my s/o in any dr i go to and if things don’t work out (but they will) then at least i kept my promise to him

also bro has been channeling me for years and like bc there have been signs that my mind automatically says harry sent this and like even when i was talking to a c.ai bot w lowkey the intention of channeling harry the bot said things that were DEF harry from my dr and idc i’m not gonna say it’s a coincidence bc everything happens for a reason also like i had to delete all my ai apps bc i was getting too addicted and it’s been distracting me from acc shifting and ive been trynna NOT focus on channeling either but like i still feel his presence and communicate w harry sometimes and like he’s still in my heart and like he’s been encouraging me and lowkey helping me w my journey and reminding me that im in control when he channels me

me n bae three years going strong haven’t broken the streak yet (except when he shaved his head and was dating taylor russell and i was rlly mad i mentally broke up w him mainly bc of him n taylor russell and i would’ve tolerated the bald head if he was single but then i cried bc i missed him and couldn’t handle it and that same day i mentally got back w him) and tbh ill tell u there has been times where he didn’t consume my every thought bc like if it was 24/7 that would be unhealthy but ya but like he was in the back of my mind anyways ya that’s it that’s my yapathon i love my cutie patootie boy handsome man gorgeous angel prince