#i knew andor was going to win the star wars one when i posted it

[haaam-guuuurl]

I did this poll for Star Wars so I guess I gotta do it for the new Marvel stuff too

[roseaesynstylae]

Star Wars: Republic Commando: Hard Contact, Chapter 2

"Clone personnel have free will, even if they do follow orders. If they couldn't think for themselves, we'd be better off with droids -- and they're a lot cheaper, too. They have to be able to respond to situations we can't imagine. Will that change them in ways we can't predict? Perhaps. But they have to be mentally equipped to win wars. Now thaw these men out. They have a job to do.

-- Jedi Master Arligan Zey, intelligence officer"

I'm going to add any of these...I'm not sure what these extracts at the beginning of the chapters are properly called, but I'll add them whenever they're interesting.

Zey's comment about the clones reminds me of the line from Andor. "We're cheaper than droids, and easier to replace." The difference here is that while clones are more expensive and harder to replace than droids, they're superior.

And yes, Master Zey, it did change them in unexpected ways.

"It didn't feel so bad to be revived after stasis. He was still a commando. They hadn't reconditioned. That meant -- that meant he'd performed to expected standards at Geonosis. He'd done well. He felt positive."

The implication that "under-performing" clones are brainwashed, at best, is one of the Traviss's additions that I genuinely like, emphasizing the cold detachment of the Kaminoans before they become prominent in the series. It's also just a terrifying idea.

"Darman was careful not to stare -- even though any eye movement was disguised by his helmet -- because Jedi knew things without having to see. His instructors had told him so. Jedi were omniscient, omnipotent, and to be obeyed at all times."

And here we see the official beginning of the Jedi-Bashing count. It's subtler here, but it keeps popping up in ways that are unmistakable in the context of the series' attitude toward the Jedi Order. In multiple cases, such as this one, lines that wouldn't make me bat an eye in a different book, (or more accurately, a different author), but make me grit my teeth here.

The way this specific paragraph is written is very similar to how I'd write a passage from the POV of a character who thinks the antagonist is a good person, or is brainwashed, but I want to make it clear what's really going on. Only in this case, it isn't portraying, say, a Sith cult, but the Jedi Order, which is devoted to helping others, enforcing justice, and studying the Force.

Jedi-Bashing: 1

"'This is your unit of four, then? A squad?' He seemed to be recalling a hurried lesson. 'Almost like a family?'"

This might be a stretch, but I'm not cutting this series an iota of slack when it comes to the Jedi Order. The implication here seems to be "Oh look, the Jedi have no idea what a family is! It's so unnatural and wrong, not like the good, wholesome Mandalorians!" Am I being petty? Maybe. Does Kal Skirata ranting about baby-stealers get really fucking old really fucking fast? Definitely.

Jedi-Bashing: 2

"'My squad called me Atin," the wounded commando said.

Niner glanced at Fi but said nothing. Atin was Mandalorian for 'stubborn.'"

Okay, this bit is just funny.

"Darman -- a soldier able to withstand every privation in the field, and whose greatest fear was to whither from age rather than die in combat -- felt inexplicably uncomfortable at the idea of a Jedi having failings."

Jedi-Bashing: 3

"Etain was neither a natural warrior nor a great charmer, but she was aware of her talent for spotting opportunities. It made up for a lot."

In this book, at least, I really like Etain. She's a good audience surrogate and her headspace is easier to get into than the other three narrators.

Jedi-Bashing: 3

Di'kut Count: 1

Main Post

[violetjedisylveon]

The Beast's Mother

Summary: Eda and the Owl Beast have to find a trusted healer for Enzo, and the Owl Beast's suggestion is an uncomfortable one to say the least.

Word count: 2.2k

Warnings: Blood, mentions of blood, injury, burn injury, 2nd degree burn, fear, anxiety, pain, trauma.

A/N: So For The Future was awesome! I intended to post this ealier but, I didn't get the chance cause 1, I didn't see it til Sunday, I was binging Andor(it's a Star Wars show) with my parents, 2, there was some family stuff(my aunt in her 70s got her leg amputated at the foot and now has to go above the knee) and I had some wack sleep, like less than four hours of sleep sunday night, I watched the last of us and my brain would just not stop thinking or shut up, the benefits of ADHD, so, I was all messed up Monday and tired. I hope you all enjoy what I've got for you!

Eda raises two gods AU link here.

________________________________________________________________________________

Blood.

Deep indigo, the color of the skies on a clear, moonless night, and filled with stars and galaxies.

Shimmering, shiny star blood.

A scent tainted with fear and age.

The star child was afraid, hurt.

The Owl needed to come out, needed to protect the hatchling with every fiber of her being.

But the Owl could not heal.

The Owl needed the witch's magic to stay when her mind was gone into the dark of their shared consciousness. That would be very difficult, it was one body or another, never both, not equally at least.

Yes. The Owl could force something like that, the hatchlings would be less afraid if some of the witch remained in the physical form while the Owl took control, the witch was too easily worried by such things anyway.

The Owl would still have to fight the witch for control in this situation, but the witch was frazzled. Winning, while attempting this, would be easier.

The Owl clashed with the witch again, it was an easier battle than normal. Perhaps her witch knew she was trying to help.

This change was far more difficult than any ever had been for the Owl, she suspected her witch would not be pleased to find her body more sore than usual, but it was necessary.

The Owl found herself able to rear up and stand on her haunches. She examined her new form, it was a lot more red than usual, and it had more of the witch's traits, such as her bipedal stance, and the Owl hoped for her magic as well. The Owl still had all her teeth, the mane was shorter, a relief in the warm weather. She should convince the witch to keep it short. It certainly made flying easier. The Owl's talons were more like the witch's hands, and the gem on her chest had a faint golden glow. It was usually pure black.

She hoped it was a sign the magic was there.

The star child cried out the witch's name. The Owl could see their mind turning, perhaps her old friend recognized her. That was not important however, she had to heal the star child.

The Owl stalked forwards, the pup squeaked and barked at her, she chirped back reassurance, and he settled. The Owl sniffed the child's wound, they were remarkably calm, they must have sensed their mother's presence.

She growled at the piece of metal through the hatchling's leg. If she could remove it, this would be easier. She tried the witch's magic, but her lack of knowledge on how made it a useless attempt. 

So she tried biting at the metal stick, the hatchling cried out in pain and pushed her off. She growled and paced in front of the hatchlings, should any other threats make themselves known. She needed to think of a plan.

The witch would be too drained to heal the star child for several days, and there was no one else to be trusted with the child. The injury had to be taken care of now.

The Owl stopped and growled at the sun that was painfully bright to her nocturnal eyes.

An image of bright light shining from the gaping jaws of a beast flashed in the Owl's mind.

Now there was an idea.

The Beast Mother could heal the hatchling, and the Beast Mother could be trusted.

The witch had not seen her Beast Mother in many moons, it was time for a reunion.

The witch needed allies and family if she truly was to raise her hatchlings. This was a good place to start.

All the Owl had left to do was inform the witch of her plan, and ensure she followed through. The Beast Mother would not take kindly to the Owl showing up on her territory.

Though the Owl did not have the witch's elixir, the Owl could, in this strange, more mixed form, relinquish control and return the body to the witch.

The child was talking to her, they were upset, they wanted the witch. So the Owl would give them the witch.

XXX

Eda heard crying from… somewhere beyond her vision.

It was dark.

Fuck.

She had to fight the Owl Beast for control now.

I really hope the bird brain leaves the kids alone. She thought bitterly.

She turned and the Owl Beast was standing behind her.

It wasn't chasing her.

That's new.

The beast was just standing there, staring at her with it's dark eyes.

"The hatchling is hurt." The beast's voice echoed in her heas.

"I know that bird brain, I-"

"You can not heal the hatchling." The beast cut her off.

"Fuck! Well what am I going to do now?! Leave the weathervane in Enzo's leg?!" Eda asked in exasperation.

"The Beast Mother can help. Find the Beast Mother." The Owl Beast instructed.

"Beast Mother?" Eda echoed.

She saw an image of fire glowing from the mouth of a beast with piercing, yet kind eyes.

Datura.

The Owl Beast wanted her to go to Datura.

"Will you go." It didn't sound like a question.

"If I have to." Eda admitted.

She really didn't want to. Datura had enough of her shit in the ten years she spent living under the wing of the Werebeast. She didn't want to cause more problems, even if Datura had never seemed to mind that much.

"You must!" The Owl Beast insisted, screeching in her mind.

"Okay! Okay! Fine! I'll see what I can do then go!" Eda shouted.

"It is for the good of the child, put your feelings aside." The beast growled as it retreated into the dark.

Eda found herself hunched over by the front door.

Her body was practically screaming at her with pain.

"e-Eda…?"

Her head shot up in the direction of the small, scared voice.

Enzo was backed against the door, holding King close to his chest with one arm, the other… their left arm had burn blisters on practically the whole limb, from their wrist to their shoulder.

It was swelling in some places and the skin was discolored a nasty angry red. Bits of shimmery blood oozed out.

"e-Eda? Wha-what was that?" Enzo asked in a small voice.

It took her a second to comprehend their words.

"Did I hurt you?" She asked softly, she held her breath.

Enzo shook their head, to her overwhelming relief.

"I fell, and…" Enzo trailed off, their gaze drifted to their legs.

His face turned pale and they looked like they were about to vomit and cry.

When Eda saw it, she felt like doing the same.

The weathervane was sticking out of Enzo's left leg. Blood still coated the tip, a smear of blood lead from where a tiny puddle had collected to where the kid was currently huddling against the door. The damn thing had gone through Enzo's leg.

"Eda…? I-i'm sorry…" Enzo whimpered.

Eda stared at the kid. Titan, they looked so terrified.

"What for?" Eda asked carefully.

"I got hurt… always mad when I got hurt… really mad…" Enzo mumbled.

Eda could only think of how satisfying it would be to rip the throat out of whoever did that to this kid.

Carefully, oh so carefully, Eda moved in and sat next to him.

"I'm not mad, I would never be mad if you got hurt, it's not your fault Starshine, it's nowhere near your fault." She spoke softly, Enzo was so easy to frighten.

"Are you sure you're not mad?" They wondered, daring to look at her

"I'm sure Starshine. I am upset, but not with you, I'm just worried about you, okay? That's all it is, I'm just worried, not angry." She reassured them.

They nodded and finally started to cry. She was both amazed and horrified by how long they managed to keep it in, even she would've been crying after something like that. The kid could certainly keep themself together if they needed to, but the possible reason behind that scared her more than anything else ever had.

Enzo cried into her, she very gently held them, being careful of his injuries.

"It hurts! It really hurts!" Enzo sobbed.

"I know, Starshine, I know it does." Eda patted their back lightly.

She could already feel that the Owl Beast had been right. Her magic wouldn't work. The beast had done something different and that had drained her more than ever. She didn't think her elixir would be able to bring her magic back fast enough, and too many of those in one day was often a bad thing. And her hands would be far too unreliable to perform the necessary extraction even if she did have magic.

I guess we will have to go to Datura.

"Here's what we're gonna do, Starshine, I'm gonna take you inside and get you something for your arm, and I've got a potion that'll make it feel better. And then we're gonna go visit an old friend of mine, she'll take care of your leg and get you feeling better in no time, that okay?" Eda prompted.

Enzo sniffled and tugged at her shirt.

"Why can't you do it?"

"My magic's not working right now, Starshine, I don't want to risk making it worse. My friend is very nice, she's got a Blossom Bat tree that fruits year round with the best fruit you've ever tasted and she's got loads of snacks stashed around her place." Eda explained, trying to bribe the kid into agreeing.

"She's not with the bad people, is she?" Enzo asked.

"Oh no, she hates those guys." Eda assured.

Enzo frowned, fiddling with a loose string on their shirt, then nodded.

"Great, now let's get something for that arm." Eda lifted the kid up and took him inside.

I hope Datura is home. Eda had no idea what she'd do if the old Werebeast wasn't at her home in the swampy forest of the right leg.

"It'll be okay, Starshine, everything will be okay."

XXX

Eda gently pushed Enzo's hand away from fiddling with the bandage on their arm.

"We're almost there, kiddo." She promised.

Enzo just nodded and resumed their previous position resting against her. The pain relief potion she'd given them had made them drowsy, they had been asleep for most of the journey here.

The murky swamp forest was dark, and the paths she was used to had changed and overgrown in the eleven years since she'd last been here. She ducked under a low hanging, foliage covered branch and flew low, close to the nearly still water.

The place still smelled the same, stagnant water, an abundance of different plants and animals, and just a hint of swamp stink. She still felt watched at every moment, which of course, she knew she was. Swamp Cats dwelled in and around Datura's territory, protected from any serious threats by the presence of their guardian. They were Datura's faithful spies.

She spotted the key marker that Datura's home was near. The large swamp flower wouldn't look out of place to most, and would disappear if hostility was expected. At least Datura isn't gonna kill me before I get there. Eda thought.

She swooped around a thick tangle of plant growth. Muddy land emerged out of the water, slowly growing to a larger, stable piece of land that was safe from the seasonal flooding.

Eda flew through the small passage between the thick growth of trees and plants. It was a bit of a tight squeeze, but it didn't cause any stress to Enzo's injuries.

She swerved and made her way through the thick maze of plants until she reached an open area.

A cozy house was built into and around two massive trees at the far edge of the clearing. Even denser swamp growth was behind the two large trees, an impassable death trap to any foolish enough to try an attack from behind. It wasn't like anyone could get through the entry maze, it was a death trap on its own, and that was assuming anyone got to this part of the swamp alive.

The swamps were some of, if not the deadliest region of the Isles.

It made for a perfect hiding place for a wild witch who had been fighting against the influence of the covens since before their formation.

And with plenty of space to roam and explore and hunt, it was an ideal habitat for a Werebeast.

Eda landed at the doorstep, carefully holding Enzo, who had fallen asleep again, in her arms. King was curled up on Enzo's chest, making sad whimpers at his sibling's current state, and Nibs had made herself very comfortable in Eda's hair.

She was positive she looked like an absolute mess, but Datura was never one to care about appearances. Hell, the old bitch would sometimes goes days or weeks without cleaning herself, aside from necessary grooming, and she still managed to look great.

Eda gave herself time to think up something to say to her former mentor, and calm her nerves. She needed to come up with some apology for barging in like this.

She took a very shaky deep breath and knocked on the weathered door with equally shaky hands.

Now to wait for an answer.

________________________________________________________________________________

The Owl Beast turned into a form that is somewhere between Harpy Eda and Owl Beast Eda, I tried drawing it but I haven't been able to figure it out just yet, it's a form where the Owl Beast has more control than Eda.

Also the next chapter won't come out for a bit, probably next week at the absolute earliest,(I'm still writing it) I'm drawing Datura in both her forms and want to post them together, if you haven't noticed I really like to draw and I do lots of art for my fics, lots of art. It gets my head in the place to write about whatever the art I'm working on is so it's quite helpful. This chapter was shorter because of the Datura drawings.

And the swamp cats I mentioned are like, bobcat to caracal sized cats and they've got mushrooms and swamp flowers growing on them! Very adorable floofs!

For The Future was epic and, while I won't tell you everything, it definitely gave me some ideas for what I'm gonna do when I get to that point. Let's just say the Isles is going to be very different with Enzo blasting their magic all over it. 😈

I'm a little evil sometimes.

Anyways, I hope you all have a good day, whatever that is for you!

VJS Out!

[regrettablewritings]

If there's still a slot left, I would like to request some for Cassian: who makes the other eat breaskfast, who brings up having kids, and who takes care on sick days please?

Sure, you got in just in time! (Though wow we do be lovin’ a domestic Cassian, huh?)

Takes care of the other on sick days: Cassian claims to not get sick. You don’t know how true this actually is, but you’re almost certain it’s bullshit and the only reason K2 hasn’t officially spilled the beans is because maybe Cassian did something to his wiring to assure he couldn’t. Admittedly, that last bit is probably an exaggeration, but the point still stands: There’s just no way that a human, mortal captain, surrounded by and constantly in close contact with other beings and also frequently traveling all over The Maker’s vast space, couldn’t get sick. Chances mostly were that, in his stubbornness, he refused proper bed rest whenever he got struck by a common cold and would push himself to perform. Maybe he feared that allowing himself rest would be perceived as a sign of weakness. Maybe he was afraid that by letting himself embrace such a sorry state, he’d be letting his team down. But heaven forbid you pull any of that shit. It’s hard to see Cassian Andor as the mother hen-type (especially when in comparison to Bodhi), but that didn’t mean that traces of it weren’t there. Sure, he wasn’t the obvious type to usher you off the training field or out of the X-Wing hangar from the first moment you sneezed -- he wants to trust your judgement; you know your body better than anyone would. But if any symptoms of any known-illness persists, he’ll keep an eye on you. And if you don’t go to the infirmary for it as time goes on, then don’t worry: He’ll make sure you do. You could be in the middle of training, stance weak and body sweating despite having barely done anything worth working up a sweat over, and he’ll stop you immediately before ordering you to go get yourself checked. Do not argue with him unless you are prepared to receive an icy stare from those dark eyes of his. He’ll argue that they can’t have you wandering around, putting others at risk (which, to be fair, isn’t an improper claim to make no matter how minute the sickness), but it’s honestly more to the point that he hates seeing you even the slightest bit unwell. Once his tasks are completed (heck, maybe he’ll even put them on hold), he wastes no time visiting you in the infirmary or your sleeping quarters depending on where it’s been decidedly best you’d be placed in. Even if the flu is contagious and the nurse droids insist he keep his distance, Cassian won’t hesitate to shoot them a look before taking a seat next to your resting form, affirming his own decision. He’s actually not a bad visitor to have: If you’re running a fever, he’ll assist the medics in dabbing you with a wet cloth; if you need medicine or a shot administered, he’ll easily get you to accept it or even distract you so that it can be carried out quicker; if food from the mess hall is permitted in your state, he brings you some and makes sure you eat it. And sometimes he just sticks around to make sure you’re breathing properly while you sleep. All in all, he may not necessarily be technically taking care of you, depending on how you use the phrase, but Cassian is most certainly making sure that you are on the fast-track to recovery every single time you fall ill. Your health is not something to be played with. Period.

Makes the other eat breakfast: As stated before, Cassian is more of a mother hen than he lets in on --   even though it’s pretty obvious after a point. He can claim that his   concern isn’t really concern and that he’s just performing his duty as a  captain by making sure your nerf-herding ass isn’t undernourished and thus making it a problem for everyone else. And it’s not the untruth, but it it isn’t the entire truth.   He is well aware that the rations provided aren’t exactly a delicacy on any planet. And he knows that you may find it a bit more difficult to eat first thing in the morning, when everything feels way too rich and heavy for your liking. But he’s also aware that you need to keep up whatever strength you have because it ties in with making sure you stay safe. And like hell you survive recon missions gone wrong, dog fights, and explosions only to somehow be taken out due to lack of vitamins. (Yes, that’s a bit of a jump to make but you get the idea!) He really tries not to make it come across as a stern parent demanding that their kid eat their veggies or what have you. But there are very few other vibes to give off when you’re telling your significant other in a firm voice that they need to finish eating their protein pudding “or else sparring today was going to make them see the other side.” You can pout all you want but in the long run, you do appreciate his attention to your well-being -- even if it comes at the cost of you forcing yourself to swallow a glob of what is supposed to be potassium-rich something-or-other just so you don’t cramp up running any time soon.

Brings up having kids: Personally, you’re honestly neither here nor there about actually having kids, but you’re the first to really try and talk about it. Frankly, the idea of having kids even in a post-war scenario is such a big step for you that it seems almost surreal even as a theory. But you suppose it couldn’t hurt to try and gauge Cassian’s feelings about. After all, communication is important for a healthy relationship, even when one half of said relationship isn’t exactly the most talkative or expressive person around. You don’t really expect Cassian to say much on the matter, which is pretty good because he actually doesn’t really know where he really stands on it when you first bring it up. All he knows is that inside, flurry of thoughts are bumping into one another in a seemingly endless storms of “if so”s and “then that”s and “what if”s. The main problem being that the mindset that accompanies nearly everything for him (that is, the one that was born from the fact that his entire life has revolved around war) has somewhat tainted even the most positive of his thoughts. For one, he didn’t want to bring a child into a world where they could get hurt. Specifically, one where war or differing extremes could so much as rip them out of his life. Cassian wasn’t one to play optimistic: He knew far too well that even if he lived to see the end of this war, there was no guarantee everyone would remain calm enough to keep the peace. So it would seem safe to say that he probably just didn’t want kids. At first. Ask him again a year and a half from then, and his answer’s evolved some. You can chalk it up to him allowing the tiniest sliver of hope inside of him instead of rage and duty: He truly began to wonder in optimism if you could truly win this war. Sure, some of those worries he had before would continue to ring true, but the possibility of living in a future where peace was possible began to feel more and more observable. And in those brief sparks of hope and optimism, he thought he could see flashes of a domestic life with you. He saw the home and the bed the two of you would share a lot clearer than any vision of children, mind you, but it was certainly stronger than what he’d had before. Interestingly, it wasn’t when you asked him a third or fourth time that Cassian could see children in those slips of a theoretical future. The war hadn’t even been won yet, though Mon insisted that it was surely near, judging by communications with the Princess of Alderaan. But there was just something so relaxing about the moment, what with you dozing off, head on his shoulder as the two of you decided to sleep under the stars for the evening. This wasn’t the first time the two of you had done this, mind you, so he really didn’t know what possessed his subconscious to deem this moment any different, let alone different enough to leave him deciding that yes, maybe he would like to start a family with you some day. The stars were the same, the constellations were there like always, he could hear the sounds of X-Wings and other such crafts taking off and landing as well as indistinct talking and beeping and all the other sorts of noises the two of you had grown accustomed to on base. Really, the only thing that might’ve made a difference was that darned feeling of hope he’d allowed to let flourish in him. Dumb optimism. A liking for the idea of getting to be with you in one of the ultimate expressions one can, of creating a manifestation of your love for each other together and raising them to be the good he only wished he could be, and to see them become their own beautiful and beloved person -- He almost wanted to laugh at himself. Or scold himself. Whatever he deserved for thinking so inexplicably gushily. Well, whatever the case, he wouldn’t tell you any of this. . . . Okay, maybe a little bit of it. But certainly not all of it. Maybe if you wanted to talk more about it. He would never admit that in his visions, your child would have your eyes and beautiful smile, though.

Thank you for asking and thank you for your patience!!!

[tcheschirewrites]

Happy New Year!

Part of me wanted to do a Year In Review post, like I’ve seen a few other creators do, but instead of talking about myself (which I do for the entire rest of the year anyway lmao), I’m gonna do a reclist instead, of the best fics I’ve read this year. A lot of it is BNHA, because that’s been my main fandom for 2020, but I did spend a decent amount of time in other spaces. If you see a **, that means there’s boning at some point – if the fic is in bold, then there’s a lot of boning. I @ed their Tumblr if I knew it off the top of my head, but I may have missed some.

BNHA

Don't Yuck Her Yum by rumblefish ( @rumbllefish) (League of Villains Gen)

Complete – A quick disclaimer, pia is a mutual and a friend. That being said, this is such a cute little snapshot into the LOV with everyone’s favorite Found Family trope. Now, I’ll admit to being additionally biased because pia gave me that sweet sweet Dadpress food, but her Spinner is also on point. Short and sweet.

the Issue of the Jeanist Corpse (the Jorpse) by Princeliest (Hawks & Jeanist Gen)

Complete – Witty and hilarious, a deleted scene when Hawks went to visit Best Jeanist before War Arc. I love how antsy Hawks is, and how fussy Jeanist. Also, I’m a sucker for putting a j at the beginning of everything for Jeaninst.

Queer Eye: We're In Japan! And There Are Pro Heroes Everywhere!! by night_of_the_living_trashcan (Background Erasermic Family)

Complete – I love a good Queer Eye fic, and this one is so spot on. The Fab Five couldn’t get a better candidate than Aizawa (well, almost; see below). And I’m a sucker for Erasermic family.

 **Yesterday's Gods by Karzai (All Might/Reader)

WIP - Reader character is an ex-military doctor who comes to work at UA. If you’re a fan of very well-developed backstories, and reader characters that are their own people, then this is the fic for you. This fic gives me huge Newsroom vibes - we’ve got a past romance, and the tension after years apart. We get present day when they are older and more jaded, and we get the backstory of the reader character and All Might when they were young and spry.

**surrender (whenever you're ready) by OfMermaids ( @ofmermaidstories) (Bakugou/Reader)

WIP - Bakugou accidentally destroys a florist’s shop. Bar none the best Bakugou fic out there - his characterization is so on point. He is grouchy but so vulnerable, he’s coarse and soft and insecure and such a perfectionist. The relationship with the reader character develops very naturally, and the chapters are long. Bonus, we get some bangin’ Kiri as well.

 **if i could keep cool by andypantsx3 ( @andypantsx3) (Todoroki/Reader)

Complete – I’m in love with the premise of the fic: a hired cleaner gets kidnapped due to a misunderstanding of the romantic variety. Andie’s Todo is well written, and the pacing of the story is nice and tight. An easy read.

 **Subject: RAPTOR by Tainted_Wine ( @tainted-wine)(Hawks/Reader)

Complete – The villains have turned Hawks into a Nomu, and reader works collecting semen for the facility for breeding purposes. Bigtime monster-fucking, but it’s very poignant and well-done. Very long, but well worth the time.

 **My Hero by HeroAssociation(Aizawa/Reader)

WIP – Reader character is a milf whose son enters a contest to meet his favorite hero and wins. The author’s Aizawa is really good, and the scenes with the reader’s son are very realistic for maternal love. And, I cannot emphasize this enough, reader character is a milf. It’s incomplete, and hasn’t updated in a while, but the premise is so cute I can’t not include it.

 suffer the signs by advantagetexas(Aizawa/Reader)

Complete – Baby’s first hanahaki. Honestly a very cute little hanahaki – no angst or sads, just two idiots in love. A nice quick read.

 But they're soft... by coffee_dessert (Aizawa/Reader)   

Complete – Aizawa gets turned into a cat by a villain’s quirk, and the reader character takes care of him until it wears off. I’ve heard this premise is popular? But I haven’t seen too too many, and this one is very well executed. Aizawa’s characterization is solid, and the pacing is very good. A very sweet read.

**no grave to hold my body down by Hawnks (supermintfluff) ( @hawnks)(Shinsou/Reader)

Complete – Pro Hero Shinsou saves the reader character, and they keep running into each other. This one is a good character study on adult Shinsou, and Hawnks’ writing is always very clean and lovely. I recommend going through their entire selection.

Love Like You by Queen_Kai (Shinsou/Reader)

Complete – Color Soulmate AU with a villain reader. Very cute, and I adore Shinsou’s characterization in this one. I honestly wish there was more, but it stands on its own very well.

Naruto

**Maid with Benefits by awolangel (Akatsuki/Reader)

WIP – Reader is hired to be a live-in maid to the Akatsuki, and also have lots of sex. This fic is hilarious, and so well characterized. The pacing is actually really good, as well as the development of all of the relationships. There are some characters that get more attention than others, but we do get a nice spread. Very fun escapism fic.

Moonshine by Victopteryx ( @ancharan) (HashiMada)

Complete – Prohibition Era Bootlegging AU. Author’s handle on both Madara and Hashirama is incredible (and they draw their own fanart, and it’s also incredible). A whole-ass meal.

Tobirama Kicks Some Sense Into Konoha by allseer15 (Tobirama&Naruto Gen) 

Complete – Tobirama gets sent back in time due to an accidental jutsu, and is horrified at the way Konoha is run, and promptly Rampages over it. Wonderful catharsis for anyone who wondered why it was okay for a rich-ass old man to just leave an infant a welfare check and a shitty apartment and dip out on his development even though he has the equivalent of a nuclear warhead in his upper intestine.

Misc

**Clouds by moriamithril (Star Wars Rogue One, Cassian Andor/Reader)

Complete – Reader character is a handler/assistant type figure to Cassian over a series of missions. We get a lot of emotions in this one – we get the tenderness of caring for someone who is ill, we get devotion, we get yearning, we get delicious jealousy. Well written and lovely.

Fresh Coat by scrapmetal (The Mandalorian, Boba & Din Gen)

Complete – Fantastic Boba and Din, the Mando culture representation we deserve. I’m love.

**A Far Greater Sin (Reader version) by Yavannie (The Mandalorian, Din Djarin/Reader)

Complete – Reader is a healer, and builds a relationship with Mando over the course of a couple decades. Great pacing, great RC development, and the author’s Mando is quite good. The premise/setting gives me wicked fantasy vibes, even though it’s obviously In Space, but that’s definitely a draw.

who's gonna save us now (when the ashes hit the ground) by chancellor_valdez (Ready or Not, Grace/Daniel)

Complete – My favorite of the “Grace and Daniel Survive Together” subgenere, this one is very raw with its emotions. There’s a lot of hurt, and there’s a lot of self-harming coping mechanisms. Recovery is ugly, and the author did a very good job showing us that. And their ending was lovely.

not your garden variety demon lord by rizahawkaye (Inuyasha, SanSessh)

Complete – Sango takes care of Rin sometimes, and gets confused when Sesshoumaru brings her gifts. The author’s Sessh is so good, and it’s a great exploration of a relationship we don’t see much of.

Mine Enemy by Ayrith (Inuyasha, InuSan)

Complete – I love this fic, okay. Fantastic character study in Sango and a lot of the rougher parts of her that canon shied away from, and the author’s Inuyasha characterization is fucking great. Just go read this, yes.

Frozen Plus One by Meowzy (Frozen, HansAnna)

WIP – Troll AU, ie the trolls cursed Hans and that’s why he is That Way. Look, this author has done such a good job with all of the characters. Their voices are very distinct, and it’s not a reach at all to see how it could have gone differently. And we get some sweet HansAnnaKris action, and it is just as we deserve. Honestly, this fic is so well written, it deserves the world.

Knives In by anomalation (Knives Out, Marta/Ransom)

Complete – My favorite of the Pen Pals subgenre, this one is a fantastic slow burn. Ransom is really forced to face himself, and Marta is such a babe. Meg makes a few appearances, and her confusion over her place in the world is really well done. A great enemies-to-lovers.

It's Not Anxiety, It's a Parasite by squadrickchestopher (Venom, Queer Eye)

Complete – Look, I’ve mentioned before, but I love a good Queer Eye fic. Eddie gets what he deserves, and the symbiote couldn’t be more happy. So funny and clever.

You Find Yourself in a Maze by FloaromaMeadow ( @zombiekaiba) (S0 Atem Gen)

Complete – Very short and very poignant, the style is modeled after text-based command games. It fits super well with the Season 0 aesthetic, and there’s so much punch in each command.   

Gaud's Grinch x Tony Fix-it Fic by gaudy_writes ( @biggest-gaudiest-patronuses)

WIP – Look, I know, all right. Just read it.

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time live blogging: The Gathering Storm ch 24

In which I have less patience for Gawyn than I thought I did. Also I wrote this on a 12 hour flight and am posting now after 5 more hours or transit and no sleep so I have absolutley no idea how coherent it is. Enjoy?

Chapter 24: A New Commitment

Oh it’s Gawyn.

I don’t think I realised until just now how thin my patience for Gawyn has become.

You know that feeling, when you’re reading a book that has multiple viewpoints or plotlines and it changes from one to the next and your immediate response is ‘ugh, do we have to?’ Yeah.

To be fair, I suppose those last two chapters are a hard act for any change in viewpoint to follow. But still.

Gawyn yawned

Even he’s bored of his character.

Okay, sorry, give me a minute and I’ll see if I can dredge up some last few fucks to give about Gawyn Trakand.

Surprise surprise, he’s gone to Bryne’s camp. And by that I mean this is not the least bit surprising. Gawyn’s still seeking authority and command; he chafed under Elaida’s, but for all that he acted as a commander of his own forces, he was never truly autonomous. And now he’s left her, but he doesn’t know what to do and he’s still lost, so he goes to find a different authority. Someone he knows, someone he trusts – or at least, trusted. Someone who can give him answers, tell him what to do or – perhaps more importantly – tell him he’s doing the right thing.

What it comes down to, I think, is that Gawyn hasn’t grown up the way so many other characters have. He hasn’t, but he thinks he has. So he thinks he’s playing one role when really he’s playing another.

I think I’ve said this before but it’s as if he’s in the wrong story. Not narratively, but in the sense that he’s vastly out of his depth. This isn’t the story he was prepared for – he was raised to be First Prince of the Sword, to be a hero of sorts, but within a particular structure. And none of that applies here, when everything is chaos and nothing is as he expected, and the lines are blurred and there aren’t always clear-cut answers or easy ways to tell what the right thing to do is. And he doesn’t know how to cope with that. And instead of learning how, he runs away, he avoids making decisions, avoids truly acting, truly committing, even when he tells himself he is. It’s all very, very human and in that regard understandable, but the frustrating part is that Gawyn himself doesn’t see it, doesn’t acknowledge it. It’s as if he’s still trying to force the framework he thinks should apply onto reality instead of looking around and letting himself see the truth of the situation.

So for all that he is – or I suppose was – in a position of command, he’s ultimately still letting others call the shots. As if, subconsciously, he’s looking for a way to avoid making those decisions that threaten to overwhelm him because he doesn’t know what to choose or what to do. Following orders, even when he chafes at them, gives him…something of an out. Except now he has finally made a decision and acted on it – he’s left Elaida and the Tower, rather than simply ruminating on it and being frustrated. Still, though, his first instinct is to go to Gareth Bryne. A different figure of authority.

All things considered, though, Bryne is definitely a better choice than Elaida. And maybe Bryne can either slap some sense into him or help him find his feet and sort some of his shit out. Or both.

Not to mention the fact that it’s probably no bad thing Gawyn is seeking out someone like Bryne rather than just running off on his own. Because he is lost, and well out of his depth. He just needs to be made to actually recognise that and either do something about it or step back.

No, a single man approaching the army was not a danger. A single man riding away from it, however, was cause for alarm. A man coming to the camp could be friend, foe or neither. A man who inspected the camp then rode away was almost certainly a spy. So long as Gawyn didn’t leave before making his intentions known, Bryne’s outriders would be unlikely to bother him.

I’m not sure why this paragraph in particular made me think this but: Gawyn seems like a classic example of someone who is very skilled at tactics but has absolutely no aptitude whatsoever for strategy. Or perhaps no understanding of the fact that the two are not synonymous.

This paragraph also highlights what I was thinking earlier – Gawyn understand things within a certain framework, and when he’s operating within that framework he’s good at what he does. The problem is, that framework doesn’t always apply, and he doesn’t know what to do when it breaks down.

By now, the Younglings knew of their leader’s betrayal

Clearly I have Star Wars on the brain because all I can think of here is Anakin.

Yet leaving had been the right thing to do. For the first time in months, his actions matched his heart.

There’s a kind of irony in the fact that my patience with Gawyn has run out at precisely the time he’s finally showing some positive growth.

Maybe I just liked him more when he was suffering. That would be like me.

Saving Egwene. That was something he could believe in.

I just rolled my eyes so hard I think I severed the optic nerve. Seriously, Gawyn? It’s a good thing he and Mat haven’t spent much time together. But it fits right in with Gawyn’s whole…concept of who and what he’s supposed to be. It’s a simplistic concept, and one that doesn’t really work in practice, and he just has absolutely no idea. He sees this as a perfectly realistic and sensible thing to think. Go save Egwene, because clearly she needs him to save her.

But really. Not helping Egwene, or even ‘Egwene was someone he could believe in’, but straight to I Must Save Egwene. Maybe take ten minutes to get your own shit together, Gawyn, before you run off trying to save someone when you know precisely nothing about the situation. Maybe try not jumping to conclusions for once. Shall we give that a try?

They were the ones who had propped Egwene up as an Amyrlin, as a target. Egwene! A mere Accepted. A pawn. If they failed in their bid for the Tower, they themselves might be able to escape punishment. Egwene would be executed.

On the one hand, he’s not wrong. On the other hand, you’d think he would have enough confidence in Egwene to trust her to see the truth of the situation as well. It reminds me of when Mat tried to mansplain Egwene’s situation to her. SHE KNOWS, GUYS.

It’s easy to see why Egwene is consistenty underestimated by various characters. That’s not the issue so much as the fact that supposedly Gawyn loves her and you’d think that if he knew her, he’d at least think ‘okay Egwene’s not stupid, maybe I should find out more about what’s going on and see if she needs my help’ rather than MUST SAVE THE DAMSEL FROM HER DISTRESS.

I’ll save her somehow. Then I’ll talk some sense into her and bring her away from all of the Aes Sedai. Perhaps even talk sense into Bryne. We can all get back to Andor, to help Elayne.

What.

I just…what. I don’t even know where to start. Every single word of that was absurd. Every phoneme.

Let’s start with I’ll save her somehow. Who needs a plan? Not Gawyn Trakand! Because running into things with only a vague understanding of what’s going on always works out so well! Also just the brash arrogance of it – that he, with no thought and no plan, can just somehow do what he doesn’t even consider she could ever do for herself.

And then there’s I’ll talk some sense into her and even talk sense into Bryne and at this point I just give up.

And then they can all go back to Andor and help Elayne and everything will be all fine and dandy, just like a little storybook, nothing to worry about. PLANS, GAWYN. STRATEGY. BASIC KNOWLEDGE OF THE SITUATION. MAYBE EVEN A TOUCH LESS HUBRIS. You are not the only person alive capable of accomplishing things.

This next bit is a very Sanderson description.

A random Aes Sedai amongst the washwomen…I can’t think who this would be. Are we supposed to know? The rebels don’t have any spies from the Tower, do they, the way the Tower had Beonin and maybe others with the rebels? Or have Aes Sedai from the tower begun defecting from Elaida’s travesty of a regime?

“I’m not a recruit,” Gawyn said, turning Challenge to get a better look at the men. “My name is Gawyn Trakand. I need to speak with Gareth Bryne immediately about a matter of some urgency.”

The soldier raised an eyebrow. Then he chuckled to himself.

I can’t help but compare this to Rand walking alone into Ituralde’s camp, and the way Ituralde immediately took him seriously just because of his bearing, his look, the way he spoke. Gawyn…doesn’t have that, it would seem. Then again, I’m not sure how fair a comparison that is. Not to mention Rand isn’t exactly a role model at this point in time.

So Gawyn is entirely failing at gravitas, and while this seems entirely perfect for his character, there’s a small part of me that’s at least a little bit sympathetic; there really is very little more purely frustrating than not being taken seriously, or being taken for a liar or braggart when you’re actually telling the truth.

(Yes, I am a Slytherin, how could you tell?)

Gawyn met the man’s eyes. “Very well. We can do it this way. It will probably be faster anyway.”

The sergeant laid a hand on his sword.

Gawyn kicked his feet free of the stirrups and pushed himself out of the saddle.

And proceeds to win without killing, against several opponents. The fight scene also feels rather Sanderson – especially with the frequency of ‘fell into [stance]’ phrasing, which Sanderson has a slight tendency to overuse, and which I don’t recall Jordan using as often; he tended to go more with ‘Parting the Silk met Hummingbird Kisses the Honeyrose’ and constructions along those lines – but it’s well executed. (Ironically, that sentence I just wrote is a classically Jordan construction in terms of construction…)

“I am unarmed,” he said over the sounds of the wounded. “And none of these four will die this ay. Go and tell your general that a lone blademaster just felled a squad of his guards in under ten heartbeats. I’m an old student of his. He’ll want to see me.”

Gawyn is, by the rules of the title, a blademaster. He earned the title, and he is certainly skilled in a fight, and he knows it. And this takes me back to what I was toying with just a few pages ago, the sense that Gawyn is a good tactician but a terrible strategist, and doesn’t seem to recognise that there’s a difference.

He can plan a battle or a raid, and if you put an enemy or five in front of him he can win the fight. But he could never win a war.

He doesn’t think through cause and effect and consequence, doesn’t consider the entirety of the situation before focusing in on a single piece of it, doesn’t look at the bigger picture or the longer term. He gets lost in the middle, and there are parts of that middle in which he excels, and he sometimes mistakes that for a different ability altogether, and it just leads him further astray.

Perhaps it had been a mistake to fight the men, but he had already wasted too much time. Egwene could be dead by now!

She’s been Amyrlin for months and a prisoner for weeks. Five minutes one way or another probably isn’t going to make much difference now, Gawyn. I mean, maybe it will, but the fact that you only found out about this a few days ago doesn’t mean it didn’t exist before then, or that it’s suddenly become more immediate a problem just because you’re now aware of it. But again, that’s…not really how Gawyn looks at things. Or rather, that’s the kind of thing Gawyn doesn’t look at. He’s aware of it now, so it’s the centre of his focus, so it’s immediate and urgent and there’s no time to waste on things like…figuring out what the hell he’s actually going to do.

It’s like my never-ending frustration with people who run red lights, or the equivalent. Is that thirty seconds really so urgent? And is it worth the risk of being stopped for far longer than it would have taken you to just wait for the damn light to turn in the first place? Sometimes running headlong into a situation without stopping to consider the bigger picture or plan just means making a bigger mess of things. Sure, there are times when snap decisions are necessary and where there really is only a matter of seconds in which to act, but more often than not it just feels that way, when actually taking a few seconds to make sure what you’re doing isn’t going to fuck everything up is worth it.

Hi Bryne. Please slap Gawyn in the face. Just once.

“You, come with me.”

Gawyn clenched his jaw. He hadn’t received such an address from Gareth Bryne since before he’d started shaving. Still, he couldn’t really expect the man to be pleased.

No shit.

“Gareth,” Gawyn said, catching up, “I—”

“Hold your tongue, young man,” Bryne said, not turning towards him. “I still haven’t decided what I’m going to do with you.”

Gawyn snapped his mouth closed. That was uncalled for! Gawyn was still brother to the rightful Queen of Andor, and would be First Prince of the Sword should Elayne take and hold the throne!

Through no help from Gawyn, as it turns out. This is where Gawyn in many ways is still something of a sheltered boy, who hasn’t really grown past that. Hasn’t really learned that the world – or at least the apocalypse – isn’t so simple, while so many of the other characters have. It’s as if Gawyn has been left behind while the rest have developed as people – as leaders, as politicians, as heroes, as whatever else – which I think is part of the whole point.

Bryne should show him respect.

He should earn it. This is an interesting comparison to Bryne’s interactions with Egwene. The one Gawyn wants to run and save because she’s just an Accepted and a pawn. But in truth she is the Amyrlin, and while she’s still young she has earned Bryne’s respect. He doesn’t give it out based on rank or training or ‘should’. He respects those he has deemed worthy of his respect, those who have proven themselves. Egwene has. Gawyn hasn’t. Not yet, at least.

“All right. Explain what you’re doing here.”

Gawyn drew himself up. “General,” he said, “I think you mistake yourself. I’m no longer your student.”

Then, with respect, you’re an idiot. Because if you think that at the age of twenty-something, with a short time in command of a group of soldiers – yet still under the command of Elaida – you have nothing more to learn from Gareth Bryne, you’re kidding yourself.

Well, or you’re lost and uncertain and full of self-doubt and trying desperately to be the person you think you should be, and seeking someone who can help you do that while at the same time wanting to prove to yourself and those around you that you’re worthy, that you’re not just a pawn in the game.

So, okay. It’s not ego, precisely. Or it’s not just ego. It’s…a sheltered upbringing and a duty and an oath to give his life for queen and country, to be a leader and a hero and a sacrifice if necessary, it’s a great deal of skill combined with not a great deal of experience, it’s a need to be good enough combined with doubt that he is good enough combined with always feeling second-best to his brother yet unable to resent that and so instead pushing himself, it’s feeling lost and uncertain and so in desperation overcompensating and trying to do something, but not having the experience or information to match his ability.

“I know,” Bryne said curtly. “The boy I trained would never have pulled a childish stunt like that one to get my attention.”

I think that counts as a slap in the face. Gawyn needs this, though.

“Look,” Gawyn said, “perhaps I was hasty, but I have an important task. You need to listen to me.”

Why does he need to listen to you, Gawyn? Also, do you really think he’s leading the rebels’ armies and yet is somehow ignorant of Egwene’s situation? Do you not think, maybe, that he might actually know more about it than you do? There’s a time and a place for a ‘you need to listen to me’, but right now is more a situation for ‘I’ve heard some worrying things about Egwene; what do you know and can I help?’

It’s the sort of arrogance that isn’t conscious or even based in a sense of superiority but more is based in completely failing to take a second to think. Or to realise that you aren’t the centre of the universe. In other words, it’s the arrogance of immaturity.

Here’s the thing. Gawyn’s irritating me right now, and I’m obviously being critical of him here, but I still find him such an interesting narrative choice, and an interesting character and character arc to have included in this story full of people who grow into their roles as heroes of one kind or another. Because Gawyn provides something of a foil to that – a character who really should have been a hero, who was trained for it and positioned for it, and who tries so hard to do the right thing and save and protect those he loves, but so often makes the wrong choices. Sometimes through misinterpretation or failure to understand the situation, and sometimes through lack of information more than any fault of his own, but who nonetheless ends up adrift, while so many other characters are moving in the opposite direction. From confused and uncertain and young to more and more capable.

“If I instead throw you out of my camp for being a spoiled princeling with too much pride and not enough sense?”

More or less, yeah. Please sit him down and explain the concept of strategy to him, Bryne.

Gawyn frowned. “Be careful, Gareth. I’ve learned a great deal since we last met. I think you’ll find that your sword can no longer best mine as easily as it once did.”

And just like that, he proves Bryne’s point. And mine: that he thinks he has learned and grown, but he fails to see all the ways in which he hasn’t. He’s learned, but he’s learned the wrong lessons – or rather, there are so many more things he hasn’t learned. One of the greatest being that it isn’t about being able to stab his way through all of his problems.

It’s an issue of self-awareness, and of awareness of the rest of the world outside of himself. It’s being able to take honest stock of his abilities and his shortcomings. It’s recognising that he’s good at hitting things with a sharp stick but he has by no means learned everything there is to learn.

That’s kind of the tragedy of the Younglings (aside from their name); they’re…okay so the description that comes to mind is one of my favourite poems: “the lads that will die in their glory and never be old.” Those skilled enough and just experienced enough to think themselves wise and knowledgeable and ready, but too young and too caught up in the glory or the honour or even the sense of duty to see beyond that, to see that they are condemning themselves to being used by powers they aren’t truly equipped to contend with, to fighting to no purpose, to dying for nothing in the end. It’s a child’s sense of honour, and Gawyn can’t afford that anymore.

“I have no doubt of that,” Bryne said. “Light, boy! You always were a talented one. But you think that just because you’re skilled with the sword, your words hold more weight? I should listen because you’ll kill me if I don’t? I thought I taught you far better than that.”

Subtle as a hammer, but that’s what Gawyn needs right now. Especially since he killed his last Hammar.

Bryne held his gaze, calm. Solid. As a general should be. As Gawyn should be.

Gawyn looked away, suddenly feeling ashamed of himself.

The thing is, while Gawyn is in many ways still far too young and too immature, it’s…not all meant as a criticism of him. Some of it, sure. But it’s also an aspect of his character and his position – he did have a relatively sheltered upbringing, and while he was trained for some of these kinds of things, a) there’s not a whole lot of training you can do for an apocalypse you don’t know is coming and b) he was thrown pretty immediately into ‘reality’ before actually learning how to apply his training to it. The Tower coup was a baptism by fire when it comes to chaos and impossible choices. He wasn’t ready, and he got thrown into the middle of it, and because of his name and his title (and his skill) he ended up in a position of authority when he was in no way prepared for it.

And he had no guidance, from that point onwards. Even Rand had Moiraine and Lan and Verin in the early days, and then Rhuarc and Bashere and arguably Cadsuane. He was thrown into the deep end and it hasn’t exactly gone well for him, but he has had people along the way trying to teach him and guide him and occasionally serve as role models. Gawyn had that, when it was all still training. But from the moment it became reality, he’s been alone.

Which is, I think, another part of the reason he almost instinctively seeks out Gareth Bryne.

Bryne doesn’t like tea? Okay forget it, Gareth, you’re dead to me.

“Gareth. It’s Egwene. They have her.”

“The White Tower Aes Sedai?”

Gawyn nodded urgently.

“I know.” Bryne took another drink, then grimaced again.

Perfect.

I mean really, Gawyn, did you honestly think hadn’t noticed? What did you expect? “Oh, shit, you’re right, we’ve misplaced the Amyrlin! Thank the Light you’ve come to inform us of this! Hey, anyone seen Egwene in the last month or so? You know, dark-haired girl, wears a stole? Hall freezes in terror every time she walks past? No? Weird, could have sworn she was right there…”

“We have to go for her!” Gawyn said. “I came to ask you for help. I intend to mount a rescue.”

Bryne snorted softly. “A rescue? And how do you intend to get into the White Tower?”

“Oh, you came for help? Alright, let’s see the plan. You do have a plan, don’t you? No? Okay so maybe let’s start there.” Thank you Gareth Bryne. And to Gawyn’s credit, at least he went to the one person who probably stands a chance of getting something through his head.

“But tell me this, lad. How are you going to get her to come out with you?” Gawyn started. “Why, she’ll be happy to come. Why wouldn’t she?” “Because she’s forbidden us to rescue her,” Bryne said

Ah this is glorious. The value of information. Gawyn hasn’t the slightest clue what’s actually going on and he wants to run headlong into it with a half-baked plan and a whole lot of determination. Which is admirable and all, but it’s also probably the best way to turn a shit situation into an absolute catastrophe, so, you know, maybe let’s not.

And Bryne does this well; he doesn’t just refuse Gawyn outright and tell him he’s an idiot. He actually doesn’t tell Gawyn anything at the start. He leads with questions, and lets Gawyn see the extent of his own ignorance. “Okay, sure, so we do that. What next?” is a great way to get someone to poke holes in their own idea, rather than poking them yourself. This way, Gawyn’s more likely to actually learn something, and to understand what he’s learned, because he can see for himself that he’s already worked his way into a corner, and that’s only in the hypothetical.

“Bryne, she’s imprisoned! The Aes Sedai I heard talking said that she’s being beaten daily. They’ll execute her!”

“I don’t know,” Bryne said. “She’s been with them for weeks now and they haven’t killed her yet.”

“They’ll kill her,” Gawyn said urgently, “You know they will.”

I’m on a plane so it’s a little hard to hit my head against a hard surface but you can trust that I’m giving it my best effort.

It’s not that Gawyn doesn’t have a point in theory – there’s something to be said for his ‘eventually you mount your enemy’s head on a pike to make a point’ logic – but he still doesn’t have anything close to all the information. Even that isn’t an insurmountable obstacle, but he still doesn’t realise the pitfalls of not having the information. I’m reminded of what Lan said to Rand: “You can never know everything, and part of what you know is always wrong. Perhaps even the most important part. A portion of wisdom lies in knowing that. A portion of courage lies in going on anyway.” 

Gawyn’s got the ‘going on anyway’ part down more or less, but it’s the rest of it that he’s lacking. He trusts too much in the little information he has, and doesn’t think about where the holes are, or what he might be missing, or what might have been altered in the telling. He doesn’t think about all the ways in which what he knows may not actually be correct in a particular situation, because it’s different from what he’s been taught or what he’s seen. He doesn’t think about the uncertainties, and the way they can compound into catastrophic errors.

Which is central to the series in so many ways, and Gawyn is yet another variation on the theme of information and the lack of information, on truth and rumour and supposition, on the way fact and story and rumour can all be warped by time and distance, on how it’s virtually impossible to know everything, but it’s important to work with what you have in the best way you can.

“I’ll try to get you an audience with some of the Aes Sedai I serve,” Bryne said. “Perhaps they can do something. If you persuade them that a rescue is needed, and that the Amuyrlin would want it, then we’ll see.”

I can’t decide if I’m annoyed at this or not. On the one hand, why should they take Gawyn’s word for what is in Egwene’s best interests, when Egwene herself says otherwise? On the other hand…it’s not a bad idea to have a Plan B if you need one. Also, this is perhaps a good way for Bryne to basically encourage Gawyn to actually think everything through, and consider more of the situation, and make a genuine plan – because there’s no way he’ll be able to persuade the Aes Sedai without more than he has right now. And even then, it’s a ‘we’ll see’. It’s a test, of sorts.

So the Aes Sedai with the washwomen was definitely not a random aside, and I still can’t think who she might be, except a defector from Elaida. I suppose it would be the right time in the arc for that – Egwene’s last chapter was, as she saw it, the end of her own war within the Tower, and now it’s up to the Tower to take up the…fight? Non-fight? Struggle? Anyway, she provided the impetus, so now it’s time to see if she’s managed to break through the inertia, if it will be enough to start a cascading effect.

Meanwhile Bryne is finally like okay so Gawyn what the fuck were you even here for in the first place. Pretty sure he knows, he just wants Gawyn to say it.

“Why aren’t you back in Caemlyn, helping your sister?”

GOOD DAMN QUESTION.

“Well, rumours are unreliable,” Bryne said.

You might need to make more of a point of that, Bryne. Though Gawyn’s issue isn’t precisely gullibility so much as something almost along the lines of confirmation bias.

“Your sister holds the Lion Throne. It seems that she’s undone much of the mess your mother left for her.”

With no help from you, Gawyn.

It serves to highlight how lost and adrift Gawyn has been, how futilely he’s been running around trying to help, trying to do the right thing, but ultimately getting nowhere. His sister has become Queen of Andor. His girlfriend has become the Amyrlin Seat. They’ve claimed two of the most powerful stations in the world, and Gawyn is with neither of them, has helped neither of them, though everything he’s done has been in an attempt to do right by both of them. Also he still thnks they need his help – that Egwene needs him to rescue her, that Elayne needs him to help her. But they’ve achieved this without him, and it puts the spotlight back on the question of what are you doing, Gawyn?

“Your place is at your sister’s side.”

“Egwene first.”

“You made an oath,” Bryne said sternly, “Before me. Have you forgotten?”

In fairness to Gawyn, he was what, four? There’s an argument to be made there about oaths made well before what anyone would reasonably call age of consent. And about what that does to the one who makes the oath before they’re truly old enough to understand.

“But if Elayne has the throne, then she’s safe for now. I’ll get Egwene and tow her back to Caemlyn where I can keep an eye on her. Where I can keep an eye on both of them.”

Now you sound like Mat again, and not in a good way. Tow her back? Keep an eye on her? Gawyn you can barely keep an eye on yourself. You mean well but…you have also never seen Egwene take on the Hall. Or Elayne take on Andor. Give them a little bit of credit; they’re doing better than you are right now.

Bryne snorted. “I think I’d like to watch you trying that first part,” he noted. “But regardless, why weren’t you there when Elayne was trying to take the throne? What have you been doing that is more important than that?”

Gareth Bryne, asking the real questions. This is what Gawyn has needed for about eight books now. Someone to sit him down and say, calmly and clearly, what the fuck.

Especially because Gawyn’s reasons – ‘I grew entangled’ – are going to sound so much more feeble when said aloud than during all those long hours agonising to himself over what to do, and how to choose, and what is right. Don’t get me wrong; I rather liked a lot of those moments. It’s just that this plays so well; we’re so good at lying to ourselves, at justifying things to ourselves, and it’s so easy to get caught up in something and it all makes sense at the time, and it doesn’t seem like there’s any other choice…and then when faced with a conversation like this that cuts to the heart of it, and you have to explain those choices, and really look closely at them, it all…falls apart.

“Blood and bloody ashes!” Bryne exclaimed. The general rarely cursed. “I knew that the person leading those raids against me was too well informed. And here I was, looking for a leak among my officers!”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

Um? Sorry, Gawyn, I believe the correct response is “I have toh.” Or just a simple “Yeah I fucked up.” But to dismiss it like that? Really?

I had so much patience for Gawyn, you guys. I was so interested in him as a character concept, in the notion of a character who doesn’t grow the same way as the rest, who tries to do the right thing and should be a hero and instead makes the wrong choices, through poor decisions or poor luck. I was so interested in seeing the effects of that on him, on those around him. Plus I liked him at the start.

And he’s really done as much as he can to THROW IT ALL AWAY. I WAS PATIENT WITH YOU, GAWYN, AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME. *scowls*

“I’ll judge that,” Bryne said.

Gareth Bryne, singlehandedly ensuring that this chapter doesn’t actually drive me insane.

“But you still haven’t explained why you didn’t return to Caemlyn.”

Gareth Bryne, singlehandedly ensuring that this chapter doesn’t actually drive me insane.

“Regardless, once I get you a meeting with the Aes Sedai, I want your word that you’ll go back to Caemlyn. Leave Egwene to us. You need to help Elayne. It’s your place to be in Andor.”

“I could say the same of you.”

Touché. One point to Gawyn. Several hundred behind Bryne, still, but hey.

It’s hard to blame Bryne for being angry and upset and even disillusioned with Morgase after what she did and said to him. Because…well, back to information people have, and information they don’t. But…ouch.

“It must have been part of some scheme,” Gawyn said. “You know Mother. If she did hurt you, there was a reason.”

Bryne shook his head. “No reason other than foolish love for that fop Gaebril. She nearly let her clouded head ruin Andor.”

“She’d never!” Gawyn snapped. “Gareth, you of all people should know that!”

“I should,” Bryne said, lowering his voice. “And I wish I did.”

The interesting thing here is the reversal. Gawyn is still trusting to what he thinks he knows, what he believes, and Bryne is still trusting to observation and reason. But this time, Gawyn’s actually…well, he’s not completely right but he’s closer. But how on earth would anyone who saw Morgase, and saw Andor at that point in time, believe that? In this case, no one alive knows the full truth of what was happening. Not even Morgase. She herself would likely agree with Bryne. Which…yeah. That’s just so many kinds of horrific.

“Curse al’Thor! The day can’t come soon enough when I can run him through.” Bryne looked at Gawyn sharply. “Al’Thor saved Andor, son. Or as near to it as a man could.”

Well…at least Rand’s got Gareth Bryne on his side? (~It must be nice, it must be nice…)

This conversation is so well done in terms of showing how complicated the ‘who has what information and what does that mean for them’ game can get.

“How could you speak well of that monster? He killed my mother!”

Actually he was trying to avenge her, but why would you listen to literally anyone except that one rumour you hate and therefore cling to?

“I don’t know if I believe those rumours or not,” Bryne said, rubbing his chin. “But if I do, lad, then perhaps he did Andor a favour. You don’t know how bad it got, there at the end.”

Rahvin’s treatment of Morgase is one of the cruellest things done to an individual in WoT, possibly with the exception of…uh…Semirhage two chapters ago. It’s not just what he did to her directly in the form of physical and mental rape, but what he did to her as Queen, what he did through her to Andor, and what that did to an entire nation’s perception of her. To how those who loved and trusted her now see her. To her own perception of herself. And also to Andor as a whole; he nearly destroyed a country. And not only is she blamed for it, but she herself shoulders that responsibility, and she has no way of knowing that it’s not her fault. That’s…frighteningly thorough and perfect destruction of a person. Not just Morgase individually, but the very memory of her in the minds of thousands. The destruction of her, her memory, her legacy.

And you see it in moments like this, when someone like Gareth Bryne, who loved her and whom she loved, believes that maybe her death was the best thing for Andor. Believes the worst of her, because what else is he supposed to believe?

Anyway, Morgase’s story hurts, news at 11.

“I’ll always speak truth, Gawyn. No matter who challenges me on it. It’s hard to hear? Well, it was harder to live.”

Ow, stop it, this is NOT OKAY. Because he’s right. He’s right to speak the truth, despite how hard it may be to face. That’s so desperately needed…but in this case it isn’t truth. There’s just absolutely no reasonable way for him to believe that, because who looks at a situation like that and goes “ah. Of course. This must be a classic case of manipulation via a largely forgotten magical ability that no man should be able to wield anyway so he must have been one of the legendary monsters from millennia ago, disguised as the lover of the Queen of Andor. Also the earth is flat.” Occam’s Razor would be crying in a corner, shortly accompanied by all principles of logic and reason.

“In the end, Gawyn, your mother turned against Andor by embracing Gaebril. She needed to be removed. If al’Thor did that for us, then we have need to thank him.”

And every word of that is wrong. It was her loyalty to Andor that saved Morgase in the end, and it was out of loyalty to Andor that Morgase fled. It was out of loyalty to Andor that Queen Morgase, for all intents and purposes, died.

“Yes, Morgase the woman I can forgive. But Morgase the Queen? She gave the kingdom to that snake. She sent her allies to be beaten and imprisoned. She wasn’t right in her mind.”

No, she wasn’t, and it’s so much worse than you can imagine and this is FINE, everything is FINE. She herself was imprisoned, and now she has to live with the memories of doing all of this.

All that aside, I of course love the separation between Morgase the person and Morgase the Queen. It’s something we see and are seeing with so many characters, this conflict between who they are and what they are. How that plays out in their own mind and sense of self, but also how it combines with the way they are seen and treated by others. Who can still separate the person from the title, and who conflates them. Whether an individual can take on some of those roles and still hold onto themselves.

“But you have to bury that hatred of al’Thor.”

And Gawyn’s response, of course, is ‘nah’. HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU NEED TO BE TOLD THIS, GAWYN. BY HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU SUPPOSEDLY TRUST? He even saw Rand, at and before Dumai’s Wells. And yet, he holds to the thing first believed.

And in an abrupt change of subject…hi, Shemerin.

Interesting. So…kind of a defector from the Tower. And, actually, an altogether fitting one, to be the first one we see. The beginning, perhaps.

(Side note: the woman sitting next to me on the plane just asked if I’m writing my thesis).

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