#i knew a lot of ravers back in the day

[jinx-on-mars-19xx]

Five More Minutes

Not Natural ✨ The Devil's Trap ✨ Holy Water ✨ The Demon's Altar ✨ Midnight Meeting ✨ The Hunter's Trap ✨ Sharp Secrets and Bloody Blades ✨ A Hunter's Beast Tamed ✨ No Chick Flick Moments ✨ Witches, Bitches, and Beasts ✨ Cursed or Not ✨ Poison Lips and True Love's Kiss ✨ Swallowing Hard Truths ✨ Salt and Burn

Dom x Colson (Yungblud x Machine Gun Kelly)

Warnings: SPN inspired, ABO (knots, slick, heats), demon Kells, hunter Dom, lazy morning play, mentions of rough sex, mentions of pain play, talks of hunting, talks of gun use, gun euphemisms, implications of past sexual assault (brief but stay safe!), teasing, playful insults, hand job, biting/marking, blow job, grinding, anal play, fingering, first times, hint of bottom Kells, improper use of shins, intense orgasms, small mention of foot play, needy boys, Dom being corny, boys not so secretly in love ⚰️ rating: explicit

By the time they finally started focusing on their new mission they'd shared two weeks of vacation together. Of course Tom was there but they spent most of their time locked in the bedroom together. Neither one of them really decided to start working again, they just woke up one morning and they both seemed to know they were ready. They could face everything they had to. They were close enough to handle Astaroth and whatever else might be ahead of them. Kells didn't like the thought of Dom leaving the cabin but one step at a time he supposed. There was something primal and protective in the back of his mind- Dom called it his alpha brain and claimed it was a dumbass. He tried calling it sexist but the devil wasn't sure about that. The kid still looked like a dude so his pretty little pussy didn't count.

"We should make a shooting range out back somewhere." Keliphos sighed as he picked up his lover's hand and played with his fingers.

"Fuck tha'. You know 'ow I feel about guns." The human grumbled back. He wasn't exactly a morning person on the best day but lately he'd been waking up extra grumpy. He didn't think he was sick but he'd wake up almost starving. It made him question how addicted he was to his beast.

"We have to use the Colt on him. Which means we both need to know how to shoot just in case. Unless you've decided you don't need to be there when shit goes down?" He asked gently, fully expecting the slap to his chest from the kid's free hand. "Then you gotta know. I can teach you."

"Why can't I jus' get some mystical sword from a stone or summat cool like tha'? Ain't fairs. I'd raver it up close and personal. He deserves to bleed slowly for all he done."

Kells knew what he meant but there was still a little voice in his head that reminded him Dom had been attracted to a version of his father once. It was hard to quiet the insecurities after a millennia of feeling less than that dick.

"Don't start wiv me, he was a rapey bastard who abused his son. He deserves to 'urt. A lot." Dominic growled and the nephalem furrowed his brows. If he didn't know better he'd think the Hunter could read his mind but… there was no way. Right? "He 'urt you most of all and I won't stand for tha'." The boy hummed softly, rolling against his alpha's side to press a kiss to his stubbled jaw.

"Oh yeah?" He rasped back, smiling down at the only thing he'd ever loved.

"Yeah. Only mine to 'urt. S'me job." The kid cracked a smile, his crooked teeth on wide display. Keliphos couldn't help but grin back. He turned to face him and slid down in the bed. He knew they needed to get up and actually start working but it was hard to leave the soft warm bed. "But I might not 'ate you teaching me to…" He trailed off, slipping his hand between their bellies to palm his lover's soft cock. "-shoot."

"Weak game bitch. What, just cause you have me now you're not even trying? Think you can just- oh fuck!" Whatever teasing insult he was about to say was lost as the punk squeezed over the spot his knot would form.

"Yep. Tha's exactly wha' I fink. You mine, remember? Why I gotta try when you like me so much? Maybe you the bitch 'ere." His soft voice melted the demon to nothing but a needy dick as Dom's strong arm pumped slowly. It was lazy Sunday morning play but he didn't think it was Sunday. It felt peaceful and almost loving and all he could do was watch his partner's muscles move under his skin. He always thought of Dom as small and breakable but he was far from it. His bitch was a killer with a body to match.

Dominic didn't often get playtime without being directed, his alpha tended to be just that- dominating. He took advantage of the moments when his devil was more relaxed. He never slept but sometimes he rested with Dom and was softer when they opened their eyes again. His fingers teased over silky smooth skin, his nails ghosting circles around his crown. He was learning everything that drove his monster wild but his favorite was dragging his thumbnail through the slit and watching Kells squirm.

A second hand joined the first, groping tight around the base. The demon was too big for just one. He hadn't meant to start jacking his alpha off, he didn't have anything to make the glide smooth but as if it could feel the need and wanted to obey he felt a splash of precum soak his hand. His palm rolled over the tip, getting messy and wet before stroking back down and the sound made them both whimper. Dom blushed, he wasn't used to enjoying things like that but his lover was opening him up in more ways than one. Blue eyes blinked fast, those long lashes fluttering, and between one breath and the next they flashed true form.

"'Ere's me guy." The Hunter grinned, his voice more breathy than before. He was shocked at how much pleasure he got from pleasing his man but his own dick was throbbing and his thighs dripped with slick. Keliphos moved to touch him too but he shook his head. "Let me." He soothed, keeping his pace measured and tortuous.

"Mmm, but I like touching you. If you haven't noticed you kind of get me off. Plus you smell fucking-" That rasped voice dropped to a growl as he buried his face in the human's wild hair to breathe him deep. Dom smelled like sunlight and honey. He always smelled amazing but they hadn't been killing or using weaponry or cheap hotel amenities. The only thing left on him was his natural scent and to the devil accustomed to fire and brimstone and blood? It was heaven. He smelled like sunlight before the industrial revolution, before there were too many humans wrecking the Earth. Soft and warm with a hint of something lemon buttery, he just wanted to lick him all day.

"You drooling in me 'air." Dom giggled but it warmed his heart and gave him butterflies in his belly. The devil was addicted to him in the sweetest ways. Maybe they shared a lot of blood and pain but that just meant they understood each other.

His lips traced a trail down his lover's throat until he found the scarred bite he'd left a week before. Kells could heal anything on his body but he chose to keep two marks, one from Dom's teeth and the symbol on his chest. When Tom saw it his eyes went wide and he ran off to his study with the door closed for hours. They weren't sure what was wrong with him, it was meaningless. He'd just cut what he'd felt like but it didn't matter. Any mark he left on the beast was special. "You really think you can get me off with just your- fuck- your hands? Might take a-mmm-" Keliphos tried to stay cocky but he felt too damn good, they both knew he was lying.

Plush lips suckled over his scars before the boy let his tongue lead him lower. The nephalem watched dark hair disappear under the sheet and his palm slapped the mattress hard when he felt that perfect mouth curl around his dick. Dom tugged his leg until he draped it over his shoulder, the kid was getting better at taking him deep and he was obviously looking to get throat fucked. It was hard to keep something like that leisurely, but he let his hips roll gently. The suction around his cockhead was so hot and wet he couldn't help but moan. The only thing better was his omega's slick cunt. "I c-could f-fuck you?" He offered, it seemed like the polite thing to do. Maybe it was just as much for him but at least they'd both get something out of it.

Dom grumbled around his mouthful and shook his head, he had plans for his alpha and he was starving. It started with an addiction to his demon's blood but anything from him filled his tummy and made him content, it all gave him the same buzz. Keliphos groaned at his thoughts, he knew the wanker was listening. His lips curled in a smile around Kells's crown and he wiggled his hand down between his own legs. He was more drenched than he'd thought, his slick dripping down his thighs but that was exactly what he needed.

Once he'd gathered enough he teased his touch between the demon's legs, rubbing his scent into the man from his balls to his untouched hole. "Wait- what- w-what?" That growl came again but this time it was nervous. He swallowed the devil's dick until it cut off his air and made his lover whine. If the alpha truly didn't want it he'd stop him, but after a moment he raised his leg higher and took a deep breath. Dom hadn't thought there'd be anything he could have as a first from him but he was getting the feeling his beast had never offered himself freely before.

A fingertip circled the devil's hole and he bit the edge of his pillow. He didn't know why he was scared, it was Dom for fuck's sake- but he'd never allowed anyone inside him. He could hear the way the boy was thinking- that he'd never offered himself freely. It was a way people thought when they knew… Maybe it was assumed just because he'd been in hell so young or maybe it was written all over him. Whatever it was he didn't want it ruining their lazy morning play so the moment Dom pushed gently, he bared down. "Fuckme- holy shit! Dom?" He slurred, drooling around the pillow as the Hunter did what he did best and hunted out what they both needed.

Dominic tried to make soothing noises through his nose as his touch slid deeper but whatever nerves the demon had were slipping away. He could feel his tense muscles relaxing, everything except the silky heat around his digit- there the beast was clenching tight. The alpha didn't know where to move so he tried going everywhere- bucking forward down Dom's throat and back on his finger. The first swipe against that small bundle of nerves had him shaking for a whole new reason but his lover took him apart like he'd done it a thousand times before. He knew that wasn't true, this was new for them both, but fuck the kid was a god when it came to breaking his pet demon.

A mix of drool and precum was spilling down out the boy's mouth and he kept it open but tight so his lover could take what control he needed. For a moment he thought about touching himself but he knew he needed both hands for his alpha, if he wasn't squeezing his knot it wouldn't be the same. Before he could worry too much Kells shoved his free leg forward, his shin fitting between the boy's soaked thighs. He tried to make a noise of thanks but he just ended up gagging which in turn made the monster jerk and writhe.

Kells groaned when his omega started moving, his sweet cock and pretty pink pussy grinding against his skin. He could feel Dom's messy folds quivering against him and for just a moment he wandered what would happen if he tried to fuck him with his toes. There might be a few kinks to keep locked down deep until the kid's depravity matched his own. He didn't want to scare him off and he was already too close, he knew he was shaking too much to help at all.

Dom's cock throbbed as he humped his alpha's leg like a bitch in heat. He tried to keep focused on the other man's pleasure but he didn't need to do much, Kells was fucking himself with a wild abandon that pushed the human even closer to the edge. He couldn't even breathe anymore but it didn't matter. He could feel the beast's knot pulse under his fist and it was so full he couldn't even close it anymore.

"Dom-mmm!" The demon whined, his dick sinking deeper and deeper until lips kissed his knot and when his bitch slipped a second finger in against his spot the world exploded around him.

The boy sucked harder at the first rush of cum, that sticky white heat spilling out his lips and down his throat. His fingers almost hurt; they were squeezed so tight and he couldn't help wondering what it would feel like around his cock. His lover cried out again at his thought and the devil pulled him off by his hair. He gasped for air and tried to pull his touch free gently but the demon wasn't being careful anymore. An inked thigh fit between Dom's legs as Kells's dick kept spilling over his belly and chest. Before he could even catch his breath their lips pressed together and it felt like he was being devoured by his alpha.

His rapture wasn't far behind and it felt almost ripped free of him. The nephalem didn't let him scream, he swallowed every sound as he spilled hot over the monster's leg. It felt filthy, everywhere they touched they were sticky and wet but that didn't stop them from grinding out their pleasure and leaving marks in each other's skin.

When Dom's mind went dizzy he pulled free and gasped for air, his body twitching from overstimulation but his alpha followed him. Kells would never admit to cuddling but he laid his head on the boy's shoulder and rubbed his cum into his lover's soft pink skin. He didn't have words to describe how he felt, that was almost too much but… he already craved it again. He was panting for air he didn't need and spent for the moment but he still kept thinking about riding his partner's cock till they both saw heaven.

"Is tha' 'ow you use a gun?" The Hunter could barely breathe but he tried to tease the beast and keep him calm. Maybe he should have grabbed the holy water first but he was proud of himself for what they'd done.

Keliphos snorted a laugh and hid his face against the human's neck. "Not exactly. But I think you'll learn quick. Quite the… trigger finger."

It was Dom's turn to laugh but he kept shivering. His demon was massaging spend into his belly and up over his chest, teasing his nipples a little too rough. "Five more minutes in bed you weirdo, 'en we got work to do." He huffed back until his alpha moved to curl his lips around what he refused to call his tit- no matter what the bastard said. "M-maybe ten." His voice broke and the other man hummed happily back.

Author's Note/Tags: @iamnotanearthlingmotherfucker @hollywoodxwhore @jaxbreaker @fenoy7 @cole-way-iero28 🖤

I hope this was good, I feel a little tired today but hopefully it came out alright. I thought a little mostly lazy play could be nice before the plot starts up again more. There aren't many questions raised in this chapter but I'm sad for them both. I'm glad they have each other. What is wrong with Dom? Why is he so hungry for his lover? Why is Kells so protective? Why was Tom panicked by the symbol Dom drew? Keep reading to find out! Thank you! I hope you're enjoying it so far 🖤⚰️

[randomvarious]

2 Unlimited - "Get Ready for This" 1991 Eurodance / Eurohouse / House

Yuuuuup. Outside of that nutty megamix that was literally called "The Jock Jam" that fused together pieces of, like, 30 jock jams in total, this 1991 debut single from Belgian-Dutch dance project 2 Unlimited is the king jock jam of all other jock jams. And what I've always found to be most baffling about this group in particular is that, despite them being maybe the most overplayed act in US history–thanks to their permanent residency on sports arena playlists for about three decades now—most Americans would never be able to recognize either member of 2 Unlimited if they saw them in public. And that's really kind of wild to think about, considering the fact that, basically since Elvis, the music industry has operated on this truism that you will always need a face to sell the music. But in the case of this group that was easily one of the single-most popular in the world during the early-to-mid-90s, that standard clearly didn't fully apply to 2 Unlimited in the US.

But it's not that they ever wanted it that way. It's just that MTV was very averse to letting dance music bleed out of their niche programming into their regular video rotations. So, when this song was out, the only place on TV that you really could've caught the video for it was on MTV's own Club MTV show.

So, with that in mind, over the next handful of days, I wanna revisit a bunch of the music videos that 2 Unlimited put out when they were huge, since Americans were hardly ever exposed to them in the first place. You don't have to love their music—not even I will ever cop to that much—but a lot of their videos were cool and fun, and each one was really a vibe unto itself.

But first, some good 2 Unlimited history!

2 Unlimited started as a partnership in 1991 between a pair of Belgian guys named Phil Wilde and Jean-Paul de Coster. In '89, they released a couple dance hits as Bizz Nizz that were particularly popular in the UK: "We're Gonna Catch You" and "Don't Miss the Party Line." But no amount of listening to those hits could've prepared you for what they would unleash just a couple years later as 2 Unlimited, with "Get Ready for This."

This silly raver banged against European club walls in 1991, as it catchily cycled through happily revved-up string synths and acid-dotted comedowns. And you could have some fun in attempting to replicate its lead melody too, by repeatedly scratching your nails across your very own beautifully multi-colored 90s nylon tracksuit, because that's what it kind of sounded like 😅.

But as 2 Unlimited at that point was only just a couple producers, outside of a pair of samples, including that of rapper The D.O.C.'s "It's Funky Enough" to get the iconic "y'all ready for this" line, the original version of this Euro-club hit was just an instrumental. And Wilde and de Coster knew that if they wanted to be a more popular act, and succeed in America, they would need to recruit a vocalist. So, they enlisted someone that they'd already had a relationship with: a Dutch MC named Ray Slijngaard, who had performed on a Bizz Nizz track that ended up going unreleased.

And this is where the overall trajectory of 2 Unlimited both suddenly and drastically changed. Wilde and de Coster gave Ray a tape of "Get Ready for This" for him to rap over, and when he came back to them with the finished product, there was unexpectedly a woman named Anita Doth singing on it too. And the contrasting dynamic between Ray's intense and inane Euro-rapping, and Anita's soothing singing that managed to relieve all the residual tension that he had built up, showed Wilde and de Coster a vision from Ray that they hadn't seemed to seriously entertain before: that 2 Unlimited could have more than one star vocalist; and they could also be of different genders.

And that moment is when the floodgates opened. This new vocal version of "Get Ready for This" would make its way Stateside, and by September of 1992, it would finally enter the Billboard Hot 100. Then, the following month, its corresponding album, Get Ready, would reach its peak position on the Billboard 200 at the 197th spot, which is definitely very low, but through the years, as countless Americans would continuously be exposed to "Get Ready for This" by way of their local tastemaking sports arena playlist compiler, the album would eventually achieve gold status, and the single would reach its #38 peak by April of 1995 as well. And perhaps the song's biggest point of American pride: it also served as the anchor track to open that aforementioned "Jock Jam" megamix!

So, now the video, which was a pretty electric one, as the cameraperson kept employing frantic and jostling zoom-ins and zoom-outs that transmitted a feeling of chaos while Ray and Anita danced and took turns playing the nearby synthesizer. And I'm also not sure exactly how 2 Unlimited became a fixture of seemingly every sports arena in the US, but maybe the very weird Los Angeles Kings visor that Ray was rocking here encouraged it. You have to remember that, because Wayne Gretzky was on the team, the Kings were one of hockey's biggest spectacles back then, and maybe Ray's donning of that...hat...was 2 Unlimited's way of trying to get the NHL's attention? 🤔

Anyway, the number of times that I've heard at least a snippet of "Get Ready for This" in my lifetime probably numbers somewhere in the quadruple digits by now, so, naturally, at this point, I've become pretty unflinchingly numb to it; but watching this music video for it really has me hype for this song in a way that I haven't been in an extremely long time, which should tell you just how enjoyable it is! 🤩

Yeah!

More fun videos here.

[rainbowdelicsunshine]

For the Kin ask game, 🎶🖼️💥🐦 🔮 for any of your kins, especially the Cookie Run or MLP ones!

(Sorry if this is a bit wack, I didn't know which one to chose. Also this is the same person behind Octastims btw! Please ask me questions about my fictotype too /jk)

Chose to speak about my time as Songbird Serenade from the MLP Movie since its been FOREVER since I've done so!

🎶 - What music / songs do you associate with your kin?

Here's a quick lil top five for ya!

Rehab - Amy Winehouse

Pocketful of Sunshine - Natasha Bedingfield

Magic - Pilots

Butterfly - Crazy Town

Move your Feet - Junior Senior

🖼️ - What sort of aesthetics do you associate with your kin?

Here is yet another top five list my friend!

Rainbowcore

Party Kei/Birthdaycore

Decora Kei

Raver/Ravecore

Pop Kei

💥 - What skills or abilities did this kin have, if any, that you can't do now but wish you could? (ie superpowers, languages you don't speak, skills you don't currently have, etc)

Man, since Songbird Serenade is a pegasus I would REALLY want to have wings/the ability to fly from that life back so I can go wherever I please without worrying about costs for transportation like a car or train!

🐦 - Is there anything you miss about this kin's body that you don't currently have? (ie basic appearance traits, tails, wings, etc)

Pretty much everything!!

Her hair/hair style, her wings, her outfits, her singing voice (though mine now is actually pretty good too), and basically her being a literal frickin pegasus!

🔮 - Have you ever predicted something about your source material before it happened based on kin feelings? (For example, having a kin memory that lines up with something that happens in your source before you ever knew about it)

Well since Songbird Serenade has never since appeared in any sort of MLP media after the movie, I'm afraid that hasn't happened in her case!

(Before I end this post, I just wanna say as someone who was autistic as Songbird and also headcanons her as autistic, both me and Songbird Serenade say Fuck Sia!)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Thank you oh so very very much for sending in this ask, it was actually a ton of fun! I love doing these kinds of ask games a lot!

I really hope I'll see you show up here again and hope you have a fun time with reading this, have an amazing day friend!!

[pynkhues]

What are your top five (romantic) ships and why? 🤍

Oh man, I've been around the fandom traps for so long, this is the sort of question that feels like I have a million answers to. I have so many formative ships I could list that probably make my current ships make more sense, but for the sake of today, let's go with some Right Now ships? And sure, they're all over the place too, haha, but okay, let's go:

5. Allison x Ray, The Umbrella Academy

I know Allison lost a lot of fans with s3, but she didn't lose me!!! I do think the show is in a sticky spot of not really knowing what do with her, but I think Emmy Raver-Lampman is a much warmer and more interesting actress than she gets credit for, and that Allison is a character with so much simmering beneath the surface, which I could talk about all day, but is not the point of this post, haha.

Allison and Ray are really different characters, and the thing I love most about them (outside of Emmy and Yusuf's wonderful chemistry) is that they have these different experiences of trauma, but also these different understandings of power and what it is to fight. Ray chose to fight for his and his community's civil rights, while Allison had the fight forced upon her by an abusive adoptive father, and her relationship with violence, with her own strength and power, with herself is forever tarnished as a result.

I don't think the show has always written them well, but I think Emmy and Yusuf have always played them perfectly, and they play these moments where they chafe against moments they sink into each other so well that it makes me go insane.

4. Joey x Pacey, Dawson's Creek

Look, the reality is Joey and Pacey will never not be an OTP for me. They are the enemies to friends to lovers ship, and anyone who says otherwise is wrong!! The snark, the slow building trust, the empathy, the grace, the personal insecurities crippling the relationship, the way they just !! Fidnd their way back to each other!! Sorry, but they are the teen show ship of all time.

3. Shauna x Taissa, Yellowjackets

Probably a controversial opinion given the current season is for some reason refusing to have Tawny and Melanie's insane chemistry on screen (I can only assume it was too powerful), but I love them. I've always had a really big soft spot for what I tend to call the 'collateral damage' characters, and especially those collateral damage characters falling into bed together.

Neither of them want to be the main character of this particular story, but they both circle the roles and only find each other, and I just really, really love that. Their intimacy, their bond, their messy, fucked up dynamic, their chemistry, which I've already said, but will say again, haha. I just love them, and I want them to have an offputtingly intense and sexual bond forever.

2. Kendall x Stewy, Succession

LOOK, it's just the childhood friendship turned fractured adulthood relationship stoked by the trauma you both knew about. It's the unwanted but ever present intimacy, it's the desperately needed fire in a cold and barren life, it's the trust that, despite every betrayal and misdeed, never really wavers. I can't cope, I literally love them so much it makes me insane.

Beth x Rio, Good Girls

I've talked about them ad nauseum on this blog, haha, and all I have left to say is that they are, unfortunately, still It for me.

Ask me for my Top Fives

[fromharbor]

a cowboy vampire. if elspeth hadn’t been so confused, so shocked that this stranger was still talking to them, maybe they would have laughed and agreed in the wake of his surprise. back home, she was a little bit ‘strange’ — but that had never mattered to the ranch boys looking for a homemaker to leave behind whilst they drank and cheated and worked all hours of the day. they were simply a body, something warm beside them in bed for when they came home; and it was exactly that reality that had pushed her to leave. “all the church boys did think i was a little . . . different,” a diplomatic response. her lips twisted and pursed, and she glanced away. “maybe i should have gone to new orleans instead of illinois. i would have fit right in with the oracles and the magic, the tarot readers.” elspeth wasn’t entirely sure what had drawn her towards blue harbor. maybe it was the promise of tranquility, or the business that came with a larger town — maybe it was simply the fact that it was far, far away from what she had grown so bored of back home.  he was an interesting sort, somebody that she had never come across before — a firecracker, a cherry bomb. she wondered whether leo was always like that and, if they were, where on earth they found that constant stream of energy. after a long day at the morgue, all elspeth wanted to do was collapse back on their couch with a coffee and a chick-flick. how did leo constantly whirr, constantly buzz? “i paid for it, yes. i don’t want to get barred from my usual haunt. this is important to me, standing here and going through the motions, drinking shitty whiskey and listening to terrible music.” elspeth cradled the drink against her chest, as though leo would reach out and take it from them if they didn’t protect it with their life — maybe he would, she didn’t know what other erratic behaviors the stranger was capable of.  it wasn’t a common occurrence that elspeth got much attention from anyone, let alone anyone cool. she moved in darkness, and was more used to getting strange looks or grimaces whenever they told anyone about their job, about where they were from, about anything to do with themselves that was deeper than a surface level observation. leo was a good few steps ahead of them, and before elspeth knew it she was being whirled onto the dancefloor, a birdlike giggle falling from her open mouth — damn it, he had her right where he wanted. “the coolest person?” their legs shifted in an awkward dance-like shuffle, more like the goth ravers of the eighties than anyone relevant, “you have good taste. i think it’s a lot cooler to be weird. you might have taken that a little bit too far in the other direction, but i admire the spirit.” when leo displayed . . . whatever the hell it was that he had, elspeth stood still, observing, before slowly offering the whiskey. a promise was a promise, even if the additional alcohol would likely only make his moves a whole lot worse.

Hearing that Elspeth was from Tennessee of all states made Leo’s eyebrows fly to their forehead, pressing the side of their fist to an increasingly widening smile. If there was something Leo adored, it was the element of surprise. He was generally keeping people on their toes, a pension for doing the least expected thing and turning it as chaotic as possible, so it was pleasant when someone flipped his script on its head and gave him the same treatment. “Tennessee.” He repeated, nodding slowly and giving Elspeth a thorough up and down glance over, mulling over her words. “Bit gothic for Tennessee. I would’ve guessed…” Transylvania, really, but that wasn’t a state. “New Orleans, maybe. They’ve got that whole - witchy situation going on, don’t they? You stick out like a sore thumb back home, or what?” If there was anything Leo wasn’t, it was nuanced. Blunt and too nosy for his own good, Leo crowded into Elsepth’s metaphorical space as they began to concoct more questions, curiosity snowballing dangerously.

“You paid for it?!” He hollered, voice booming above the music as it turned over to a new song. Leo always enjoyed playing up his dramatics, but he wanted to see how Elspeth would react to them. They were a mystery to Leo, so his actions turned into a show for them to react to for Leo’s entertainment. “Well, not all of us can be high-class citizens, Elsie. I’m trying my best here but my heart yearns for destruction.” Hearing that she had her eyes on the dancefloor made Leo cackle with delight. A genuine, excited noise, mixed with some disbelief - he couldn’t imagine what they would look like out there, and weren’t about to pass up their invitation to join in. He could actually physically feel himself fighting back the urge to grab them by the waist and sweep them off their feet in that exact moment. “That’s all you want? I was expecting you to propose I give you an eyeball or something. These peepers are staying inside my head, mama!”

With an excited twist of his feet, Leo compromised his desired contact with Elspeth by merely reaching for their free hand - probably still a bit much, but a saintlike move on his part. Leo was used to offering his body before he did his name, but something told him that wasn’t the way to garner his new dancing partner’s attention. Resting his stolen bottle of tequila on the edge of the dancefloor, Leo freed up both of his hands to give Elspeth a sudden spin, pulling them in slightly closer afterwards so he could announce in their ear; “To clarify, you’re a special case. I think you’re the coolest person here.” Promptly, Leo finally dropped their hand, before breaking into dance moves that resembled a more haphazard version of Kirk from Gilmore Girls. He could be surprisingly smooth while dancing if he really wanted to be, capable of turning up flirtations despite his gangly frame, but they weren’t really interested in being suave here. Mostly, they wanted to make Elspeth laugh, slowing down their moves so they could catch a glimpse of how they were moving. They must’ve looked like a rather concerning pair.

[ravetaper]

Habstrakt Live Set - Hollywood Palladium 2023

This is a 90-minute audio recording of Habstrakt Hollywood Palladium live set recorded on Saturday, September 2, 2023. The set began at 12:10 AM the following morning.

Rave Tapes · Habstrakt 09 - 03 - 2023 HollywoodPalladium

I've seen many shows at the Hollywood Palladium. Deadmau5, Voyd, RL Grime, to name a few EDM acts. But I've been seeing shows there since the 90's, when Beastie Boys and Green Day used to play the venue. It's a cool space and an historic site, but I haven't been impressed with the sound quality in recent years. My main complaint has been the lack of bass.

That's why I was surprised by what I heard last night. It actually sounded pretty good. I did sense that the sound engineer waited until the final 30 minutes to really unleash the bass. But when everything was running full blast, I thought the mix sounded decent. And the recording reflects that. Usually the audio sounds muddy. But this time, I had to do very little adjusting to get a nice sound.

The sound wasn't the only good thing about the show. The crowd was beautiful, too.

This was the best audience I have experienced in quite a while. The vibes were pristine. No bad energy, no one being pushy, no moshing, everyone being friendly and polite. Apparently, Habstrakt attracts a really wholesome crowd. I was passing out stickers, trading kandi and making friends left and right. Such a refreshing change. In the couple years following Covid, many crowds have felt uncharacteristically aggressive and insensitive. So this was a welcome breath of fresh air.

Here's what I know about Habstrakt: not much. I know he's a French-born producer living and working in LA. But I also know he's producing some of the sickest bass house and tech house on the planet.

I know him primarily from seeing his name all over the Beatport genres I follow. When I see Habstrakt listed in the credits of a track, I know it's going to be a high impact banger.

Then there's the fact that I missed him at EDC Vegas this year.

I knew about the EDC set. I wanted to hit the set and record it. But, it was a closing set. No bueno.

I'm a middle-age raver and I go harder than 95-percent of my peers. Most of them stopped attending events years ago and would never dream about going back to EDC in their "old age." But I go. I go all three days, and I arrive early and stay late. I outpace and outlast kids half my age. But I have to draw the line somewhere. For me, the cutoff at EDC is 4 AM.

Believe me, I know how magical the closing sets are. But I can't do them because I can't get stuck in the post-show traffic jam. I like to pull out of the parking lot no later than 5 AM, just as the music stops inside the venue. I like to be back in my hotel room listening to the recordings by 6 or 7 AM. If I stay for the final set, I get stuck in parking and can't relax for another couple hours, which throws off my three-day schedule of eat-sleep-rave-repeat.

But leaving early means I have to sacrifice the closing sets. I've missed a million Kaskade Redux sunrise sets because of this, and I regret missing all of them.

Well, it was particularly painful to miss Habstrakt at EDC. I've been hyper focused on bass house lately, and Habstrakt is one of the frontrunners of the genre. Reports from his EDC set were overwhelmingly positive, but there were precious few videos of the set. When the Hollywood Palladium show was announced, I knew I would finally get my chance to experience Habstrakt live.

As mentioned earlier, the sound was better than usual. The crowd was better than usual, too. And the music was perfect.

Habstrakt delivered a tight 90-miunte set. Most of it was unrelenting tech house and bass house interspersed with a few breaks and breakdowns. Very danceable, which is the aspect I love the most. I'm not familiar enough with Habstrakt's catalog to know what percent of the tracks were produced by him, but I assume the number was high. The mic work was sparce and heartfelt. I could tell he was having fun and feeling grateful to be there.

Visuals and stage production were minimal but effective. The main visuals were provided by a wall of vintage CRT monitors behind the dj decks. The effect was retro but it aligned nicely with Habstract's grimy, high-contrast brand.

I'm very happy with the sound quality of this recording. Whereas most of my Hollywood Palladium recordings have issues, this one sounded close to perfect out the gate. I applied very subtle eq adjustments and brought the levels up, that's it. (Edit: I went back and applied my normal effects chain to increase the crispness and 'liveliness'.)

I'm going to check the mix in a few listening environments and adjust if necessary. Otherwise, enjoy it.

So checking my email yesterday I saw what I thought was phishing email. It had the Live Nation branding and said my ticket was ready for Boris Brejcha the next night – tonight – a Factory 93 show at Grand Park in LA. I was sure it was a phishing attempt because there was no way I would knowingly buy a ticket for Boris the day after Habstrakt.

Just to verify everything, I logged into my Live Nation account and...what do you know. I DO have a ticket for Boris Brejcha tonight. Bahahaha!

So after I get finished posting and sharing this, I will chill for a few hours, eat something, take a shower, get dressed, and do it all over again!

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Follow and support Habstrakt!

Habstrakt Instagram

Habstrakt Beatport

Habstrkt Spotify

Habstrakt SoundCloud

Original Insomniac flyer for Habstrakt Hollywood Palladium September 2, 2023:

Alternate Insomniac flyer for Habstrakt Hollywood Palladium September 2, 2023:

[sugarcoatedstarkey]

Best friends roommate-

pairing: Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

summary: When visiting your best friend ends with you sleeping with his roommate.

warnings: Language, Drinking, Smut, Oral. [18+]

A/N: A universe where John B and Sarah are not together and Rafe is a sweetie.

(Gif credit to owner ^)

The first time you and Rafe had seen each other since you were 13, you had organized a night out with John B. You had been best friends with him since the both of you were in diapers, you had no idea he was rooming with Rafe Cameron.

You had moved from outer banks years ago and usually didn’t discuss his living situations since his dad’s house was wrecked by the tornado, he had specifically asked you to never ask and you assumed he would come to you if he needed help.

So, when you came face to face with Rafe Cameron you were a little shocked to say the least, however he let you in with a polite smile and closed the door softly behind him as you made your way into the house, your bags in hand as you took in the raver lavish apartment.

“He is just in the shower” Rafe’s voice brought you out of your thoughts, you nodded silently and placed your bags on the floor. You chose to stay silent and you were slightly unsure how to act around him, you hadn’t seen him since you were 13 and he was 16.

He ended up leaving you in the room and made a quick exit up the stairs, you couldn’t stop your eyes from following his frame up the wooden steps. Zoning in on his plump bum that seemed to strain against his khaki shorts, you whipped your head away when you heard another door open.

John B’s silhouette coming into vision, you didn’t even think twice about him being wet and in a towel. You made a run at him and flung your arms around his neck; he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you in tight.

“There she is” He laughed; the feeling of his lips pressed to your collarbone wasn’t foreign. You both had always been very affectionate to one another.  Neither of you saw each other in a sexual way. “I missed you so much” You mumbled into his neck, pulling him in closer to your damp body.

Moments passed and he put you back down on your two feet, he signaled for you to follow him down the hall. Leading you to his bedroom that was decorated with pictures of the group and various shells, you assumed it would be the help of Kiara.

You ended up talking for hours about life, you rambled on about your ex-fiancé leaving you exactly 2 months and 12 days before the big day. You didn’t cry in front of him though, you do enough of that in your own bed. The reason for this visit was to catch up and go out, let loose and have some fun.

Which you did, you both went out and met up with the group. It was very much like old times and it felt good to be away from home. You were shocked however when Rafe walked over to the group and everyone welcomed him in with open arms. Obviously much had changed since high school, being in your late 20’s everyone seemed to have grown up.

You ended up drinking quiet a lot, you found yourself on the dance floor. Bodies pressed close to one another and the smell of alcohol filled your nostrils, you watched on as John B placed his arms around a red head and brought her body in close.

You also noticed Rafe standing close by you, he adverted his eyes when he noticed you looking and pretended as though he hadn’t been watching you. You knew it was the alcohol giving you a confidence boost because you found yourself walking over to him, placing your hands on his chest softly.

He was much taller than you, your head tilted up to look at him. He was watching you now, waiting for you to say or do something. You could feel his fingers tips brush at your elbow before they trailed down to your waist and he pulled you in close just as someone behind you dropped their drink.

The liquid spraying the back of your bare legs; however, you didn’t turn around and yell like you usually would. Instead, you kept your eyes on Rafe, your tongue darting out to lick your dry lips. You watched how his Adams apple bobbed and his brows creased together as he zoned in on your lips, being the natural tease you are you brought your bottom lip in between your teeth.

This seemed to set him off as suddenly his pointer finger and thumb were pulling at the skin of your lip and once it was set free from the grip of your teeth, he run his thumb across it, your throat was dry and your heart rattled in your chest. You had forgotten how to breath as he stared at you, just as you think he is going to pull away he is dropping his head.

His lips enveloping yours with his, it’s soft and chaste. You weren’t even sure it happened until he’s pressing them back to yours and pulling you flush against his chest, lips moving softly with one another.

Your pretty sure you had stopped breathing 5 minutes ago but the feeling of him was keeping you alive, his lips tasted like cherry and tongue like mint. You were already obsessed with the feeling of his lips on yours, it was different to your ex. It felt passionate and real, something you hadn’t felt in a long time.

But then he was pulling away and it was all over, you were going to ask why he stopped but then you felt someone grab ahold of your waist and lift you up. You knew it was John B instantly, it was the first time ever that you had wished John B wasn’t around.

Rafe never left your side though, he gave you subtle touches here and there but he never kissed you again, you ended up leaving outer banks two days later. Neither you or Rafe had been able to get a moment alone so you hadn’t spoken about the mind-blowing kiss you shared.

You went home and spent the next few months thinking about his lips on yours. You never told John B though, it was secret you wanted to keep until you were able to see Rafe again and speak to him.

---

The second time you saw Rafe was 6 months after the kiss, you had once again organized with John B to come and stay with him. However, this time there was no end date, you had sold your apartment and put all your things into storage, you had cut all ties with your ex and planned on moving to outer banks.

You were planning on telling John B tonight but he was stuck at work, you knew he felt bad as not even 40 minutes after his phone call there was a knock at the door and food was being delivered. A quick text followed saying how sorry he was and to enjoy the best Chinese outer banks could offer.

You did not mind though, you put on your comfy shorts and a cropped singlet. Pressing play on Bridget Jones, you made yourself at home. Briefly forgetting that he in fact did share the apartment with Rafe.

Who turned up just as Daniel Cleaver and Mark Darcy where fighting in the street, you were much to invested to notice him walking through the door. Your eyes set upon the tv as you smiled at the scene in front of you, it was your favorite part of the movies.

“Hey” Rafe’s voice once again brought you back to realty, jumping in your seat and dropping hot soup over your shirt. You let out howl and ripped the shirt over your head without thinking twice, patting your heated skin with the wet material. “Shit sorry” he gasped.

Dropping the bags, he had been holding and running to the kitchen, he returned with an ice wrapped in a towel. You let out a chuckle and took the ice from him, placing it on your exposed skin. “It’s okay” You smiled, pulling yourself to your feet.

“Where is John B?” Rafe questioned, scooping up the bags he had been holding prior to the soup incident. He began to walk away and back into the kitchen, you followed by closely. “He had to stay back at work”.

You watched as he emptied the bags, putting condiments and snacks away. Your eyes widen when you watched him clean the fruit and put them into containers, just like the people do on the tiktoks you were obsessed with. “What?” He questioned when he noticed your wide-eyed stare.

“I have never seen a male clean fruit before” You laughed, he laughed with you until his eyes dropped to your chest. He quickly looked back to the fruit and kept putting them in the containers.

You placed the ice pack down and scurried towards John B’s room looking for another shirt. Throwing on another cropped singlet and checking your hair in the mirror.

“I like to keep the kitchen clean, I like cooking” Rafe commented when you entered the room again, your heart picking up slightly at the fact he continued the conversation. “Me too” You smiled, watching the way the veins in his arms protruded when he clenched his fists.

“Did you want some of the food? John B ordered enough to feed a village” You questioned, looking back over to the table of Chinese and then back over to him. He nodded his head and gave you a soft smile.

Your stomach bubbled with anxiety as he followed behind you, the both of you sitting on the floor next to one another. You didn’t make a move to turn the movie back on though as you hoped he would rather conversation, you watched as he went for the Singapore noodles and honey chicken.

“So, what do you have planned to do while you’re here?” He questions, your eyes are training on his lips as he speaks and you mentally have to slap yourself in the face when silence falls over the two of you. “Oh, well actually I was going to tell John B tonight but I am looking at moving back here”.

He doesn’t seem shocked; in fact, his expressions are soft and he gives you the same look your parents gave you when you told them the wedding was off. Suddenly sickness washes over you and you push the plate of food away from you.

“Sorry, did I do something wrong?” He questions when he notices your blank stare at the food and rigid body. You shake your head and pick the remote up to turn the movie on, not wanting to talk anymore. But Rafe’s hand grabs yours just as you lean over the table.

Turning your head to look at him, he moved your hand and places it in your lap and gives you a soft smile. “Was it my reaction to your news?” He questions, all you can do is nod and look back down at the grey fluffy carpet. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you” He says just as he gives your hand a soft squeeze.

“John B told me about your ex” He adds and suddenly you're pulling your hand out of his and pushing yourself up, taking a seat on the couch rather than on the floor next to him. You assumed John B would have given him the heads up, he had expected you to turn up heartbroken and depressed last time.

“He’s an idiot for leaving you” Rafe says, this time your eyes meet his and he gives you a soft smile. Following your actions and taking a seat next to you but leaving a gap so you didn’t feel trapped. “Yeah, everyone says that” You comment, your eyes moving between him and the floor.

“Well, I am serious” he states, from your peripheral vision you can see him twist his bulky gold ring on his forefinger and shamefully the only thing invading your thoughts where his hands wrapped around your throat.

“O-okay” is the only words to leave your lips and you wriggle your backside into the couch further. Just as you turn to look at him the sound of the door unlocking has the both of you jumping and the once small gap between the both of you becomes bigger.

“Heyyyy” John B sings as he waltzes through the door, he sways slightly and falls into the wall. Instinctively you're pushing yourself to stand and grabbing him by the shoulders, he leans his body weight into you and wraps his arm around your shoulder. “Your drunk” you whisper.

Your eyes dart to Rafe who stands up and wraps his arm around John B’s waist pulling his weight off you, incoherent noises leave’s your best friend's mouth. The stench of cheap beer wafts through your nostrils and you can’t help your brows creasing together.

“I thought you had to work late?” You questioned, both you and Rafe maneuvered throughout the living room until you came to the small hallway, you move in front of them to open the bedroom door and push back his light blue blankets. “Yeah, the boss kept bringing beers out”.

All you could do was nod; you knew he didn’t get drunk on purpose and wouldn’t have chosen not to spend time with you. But you were so used to the people around you putting alcohol first you couldn’t help that pit in your stomach hallowing.

You chose to keep quiet and helped him into bed, fussing around with his pillow and making sure he was lying down on his side. Moving the small bin closer to the side of the bed and covering his body with the blanket.

You could feel Rafe’s presents behind you but you chose to ignore him until you had to turn around to leave. His eyes were set upon you and that sick feeling in your stomach became butterflies, the way the edges of his lips turned up into a soft smile had you dizzy.

You let him escort you out the room and back into the living room, the feeling of his finger tips on your lower back caused your heart to miss a beat. You wanted to turn around and kiss him, tell him how many times you had thought about the kiss at the club.

But instead, you started to clean up the food, moving around the room and placing the boxes into the fridge. You hadn’t even noticed he followed you into the kitchen until you spun around and your chest hit his, his hands gripped your forearms to steady you.

“Are you okay?” He questions, you hate that question. You hate the face people give you whenever the mention of your ex comes up or when you look the slightest bit sad. “I hate that question”.

He nods his head seemingly understanding your statement, his hands run down the length of your bicep until they lock around your elbows. His eyes are on your lips and he swallows thickly just as you drop your eyes to his lips.

“Can I kiss you?” He questions, eyes darting between your lips and eyes waiting for a reaction. “Please” you whisper already leaning up on your tiptoes to meet his height.

He doesn’t kiss you straight away, his thumb caresses your lower lip and tugs softly. Your eyes stare up at him in anticipation, your heart stops briefly as he drops your lip and grips your chin pulling you closer to him until your lips touch.

Just like the night six months ago he tastes like cherry and his lips are soft, it feels like fireworks go off behind your eyes when begins walking you backwards until your backside hits the bench and his strong arms lift you up to sit you down.

Your fingers lace in the back of his hair as his hands roam your thighs pulling you closer until your core hits his belt buckle. A soft moan leaves your lips but it's swallowed by his lips, his fingers dig into the flesh of your bare thighs.

“Take me to your room” You murmur as you pull away from his swollen lips, eyes pleading with his. All he can do is nod and he’s wrapping your legs around his waist and walking towards the steps. You drop your face into his neck and begin sucking at his skin.

The rumble of his moans vibrates your lips, you can feel his steps quickening as you bounce in his arms slightly causing your teeth to butt his neck and you both let out a loud chuckle. “Shit sorry” You chuckle out, he drops you softly onto your feet and pushes his bedroom door open.

“Nice room” you say as silence falls over the both of you, your eyes scan the room. Pictures of his family stood proudly on his chest of drawers, dark green curtains pulled closed and the bed made perfectly. “Thanks” he smiles.

The two of you stand a few feet apart, silence fills the room once again as you both stare at one another. You’re the first one to move, ripping your shirt over your head and taking a step forward. He follows your actions but he grabs a hold of you, mouth pressed against yours again.

Feverish and passionate as hands roams each other, his fingers unclip the back of your bra and you drop your arms to let it fall to the floor. His eyes drop to your breasts momentarily and then back at your face waiting for permission, you give him a subtle nod and his hand massages your breast.

“Fuck” You moan out, arms wrapped tightly around his neck as his lips attack your neck and fingers dust over your hardening nipples. He too lets out a low groan, pushing you towards his bed until your back hits the mattress and he hovers over your body.

His fingers loop under the waistband of your shorts and tug them down, leaving you in your black cotton thong. You push yourself up on your elbows to reach for his belt but he’s already unbuckling and pulling them down his legs.

“You sure you want to do this?” He questions, you answer by gripping his neck and pulling him back down onto you. Lips once again at each other, his thigh pressed against your center and you not so subtly rub yourself against him for some relief. “Do something” you plead.

His eyes meet yours, dark and full of lust. Lips swollen and red but etched into a smirk making you regret your previous words. His lips leave open mouth kisses on your skin until they stop just above your panties, his fingers pull them down your thighs, instinctively you pull your knees together.

“Don’t hide yourself” He demands, greedy eyes drink in your body as his hands spread you apart. His tongue darting out to lick his lips as his eyes fall on your glistening pussy, your heart feels like it might fall out of your ass when ducks down and leaves a kiss just on your pubic bone. “Gorgeous” he whispers against your skin.

You can’t help the whimper that leaves your lips when his fingers spread your folds, eyes squeezed shut just as his mouth connects with your clit. You feel like you have died and gone to heaven, his tongue works your pussy like it’s his favorite sport.

“Holy shit” You cry out, back arching from the mattress underneath you. Fingers digging deep into the sheets as you hold on for dear life, your orgasm already threatening to topple over from the way his tongue works on you. “I- Oh god” you cry out.

Your orgasm ripples your body as his hand comes down onto your stomach to keep you still, your cries of pleasure fill the room and sweat drips from your forehead into your messy hair. “Holy shit” is all you can say when he pulls away from your sensitive area, his tongue licking his lips and eyes trained upon your flushed face.

You take moment to breath before pushing on his shoulder, nudging him to lay on his bed. He follows your movements and stares up at you, pulling his boxers to expose his thick hot cock. The tip stained red and pre cum dripping.

You shuffle down him until your lips are directly at the tip of his throbbing penis, you wrap your fingers around his length and look up at him one last time before licking up his shaft before wrapping your lips around his cock. “Shit” echoes through the room.

His fingers lace through your hair and tugs softly at the roots causing a moan to leave your throat and vibrates his cock causing him to buck up harshly, the tip hitting the back of your throat causing you to gag around him. “Stop stop” He demands.

Worry etches your features as you stumble to your feet but he catches you before you can fall, pulling you back down onto him so you straddle him. “If you kept going I would cum and it would all be over” he chuckles, his lips kissing at your jaw causing you to giggle from the sensation.

“I’m that good hey?” You joke, pressing your core down onto his shaft. Moving your hips slightly to spread your arousal all over him, his eyes rolling to the back of his head at the feeling of your throbbing clit on his cock. “So good” He breaths, pulling you down so he can kiss you.

You reach between the two of you to grab his cock, looking at him in anticipation. “Do you have a condom?” You question, momentarily forgetting the most important thing. He nods and points to the bed side table. You lean your weight over him and riffle through his drawers, his mouth enveloping your hanging breast into his mouth while his tongue flicks at your nubs.

“Hurry” He mumbles, you let out a laugh as your fingers grip onto the box. Pulling one out and setting yourself back down onto his lap. Ripping open one of the foiled squares and once again reaching between the two of you, rolling the condom down his length.

He leans up on his elbows to kiss along your collarbone as you press him at your entrance, circling your hips to get a reaction out of him. His fingers grip your hips and without warning pulls you down on him, both of you letting out exaggerated gasps.

“Jesus Christ” You moan out, your head dropping back as you feel your walls stretch around him. His hands helping you move your hips until you’ve become accustomed to his size, bouncing your hips on him while your fingers dug into his shoulders for support.

His eyes are trained on your breasts as they bounce with each hip roll, moans and foul language fill the lavish bedroom. Both bodies covered in a light layer of sweat as you ride him into oblivion. You can feel yourself pulsing around him, second orgasm nearing as he reaches down to toy with your bundle of nerves.

Your hair starts to stick to your neck and you reach round to pull it into a pony tail letting Rafe take control of your hips only to flip you both around and thrust into you, pulling one of your legs over his shoulder to hit you at a completely new angle.

“Yes yes” You moan out, breathing harshly out of your nose. Your orgasm hits you hard, harder than before. So hard you see stars and your heart stops.

“Shit yes yes” He shouts, your fingers dig into his bicep as he pounds into you harder as the feeling of your walls clenching around him pushes him over the edge. Soft grunts mumbled into your neck as he let’s go and cums into the condom.

Both of your breaths are laboured, he pulls out of you softly and flops next to you. Eyes cast to the ceiling as you regain your strength back. Rafe’s fingers trail up and down your stomach softly. “That was amazing” He smiles, turning his head just as you do yours.

“Amazing” you return the smile and roll over onto your stomach, fingers threading through his hair. His fingers now dust over your back as comfortable silence falls over the room.

Taglist- @maybankforlife @novxturient @typic4lpisces @mrs-country-club @anotherdropofnorth @livinfullpogue

Apologies if I haven’t tagged you, I have forgotten who asked to be on my Taglist! Please send me a message

[kuruimizu]

Lights

an original story by Puck McCormick originally written in 2019 so it’s a little rough around the edges Rating: T (drug use and swearing) Words: 5704 disclaimer: I have never personally done MDMA

It was all lights and blazing heat. Flashes of green, blue, pink and all other hues she could see. Glowsticks twirling in circles, bass pumping as loud as possible. Bodies everywhere, a sea of young dancers. Suddenly it hit her, everything had felt fine until now. It was sudden, it was a shiver, she needed air. All the people together had generated a heat that had at one point felt comfortable, but was now too much to bear. She felt it at its worst as she passed through the crowd, heading for the door of the warehouse.

When she stepped outside, she noticed the bouncer who had let her in was gone, likely inside. Good enough, at least she could go back inside later. The pacifier in her mouth was the only thing that kept her from nervously heaving into a nearby bush. She took it out and breathed hard, taking as much air as she could into her lungs. This wasn't only just her first rave, it was her first time on ecstasy, or any drug for that matter. 

A few minutes had passed, and she felt lucid enough to keep on going. The fresh air outside had kept her from panicking, but she wasn’t ready to go back inside. She paced around the empty front lot of the warehouse, lost in thought about the circumstances that lead up to tonight.

Just a couple days ago, while out and about, she had laid her eyes on something new. She had met buskers before, but for the first time ever she saw a genuine breakdancer. Extremely skilled and clearly having a good time, a quick look at his brightly colored and baggy clothing pinned him for a raver. His boombox nearby pumped out bassy hip hop beats at a reasonable volume, and he definitely had some slick moves on display as he twirled about on a cardboard mat.

Next to him were uncracked glowsticks, and an oversized striped top hat lying upside down that a few passersby and those who stayed to watch had tossed spare change or dollar bills into it. While he thanked the kindness these people displayed, he was clearly going on just for the fun of it. Soon sweaty and breathless, he found himself sitting criss-cross and taking notice of the girl in front of him, hoping she was watching closely.

"Pretty impressive huh?" He said with a smirk on his face as he hit the stop button on his boombox.

"U-uh... yeah," She was impressed, but didn't know how to vocalize it. "That was really cool."

"Yah, thanks! Name's Danny." He held out a big tan hand as if to shake hers.

She slowly reached her hand toward his, clasping it and giving a dainty shake. His grip was rather loose, as if he didn't want to make a forceful impression.

"What's your name?" He asked.

"Rachel," She couldn't understand why she felt nervous. This guy wasn’t intimidating or anything, perhaps she just wasn’t expecting him to strike up conversation first.

"Pretty name. You look nice, ever dance? I know a lot of cool people." He seemed confident, like the type of person who would have a lot of friends, or at least acquaintances. "We rave sometimes. It's awesome!"

Raves? She knew what those were, of course, but here? In such a modest town like this, something like that seemed ridiculous. Well, maybe not ridiculous, but still unlikely. People around here weren’t exactly the most fun all the time.

"I've uh, never been to a rave before."

"Whaaaaaat..." His expression was both flat and exaggerated at the same time. "Well hey, as long as you're over 18 I'll invite you out to one. The age rule is kind of new, we had to ween out teenage runaways. A few searches lead to some cops breaking our shit up."

"Yeah, I'm 19."

"Cool. I didn't want to ask your age right away. So," He seemed to be trying to make genuine conversation. "You work around here? Downtown's kinda small, ain't it? Busy, but still small."

"It is, yeah. I get bored a lot after work, so I walk around and kind of window shop. Sometimes I watch the buskers. I work right over there, at my uncle's little gift shop," She pointed over to her left. "Right down the block over there. It's just a lame job I've been doing since before I graduated. He pays me okay, enough to save up and move out soon."

"Movin' up in the world, huh?" He smiled at her. "Gotta be free and independent, like me." He pointed his thumb at his chest.

Rachel liked small talk more than most other people, she was always happy to lend a helping hand to anyone lost around the area, as she knew it well. Talking to the buskers was one of her favorite things to do after work and on the weekends. Danny was different, but she did feel a real warmth to him. He was definitely a real person, and he only seemed slightly out of place among the hustle, bustle, and suits nearby. Even the people in casual clothes couldn't match his outrageous style.

"Eventually," She said with a weak smile. "As much as I'd love to keep talking, I kinda gotta go before my mom's done with dinner. It was nice to meet you though, Danny."

"Aw, I was havin' fun talkin' to ya." He sounded disappointed, but no frown could form on his cheery face.

As she began to walk away, he called out to stop her.

"Hey, wait!" He tore off a piece of the corner of his cardboard mat. "You got a pen?"

She dug through her purse, trying to find one. Her fingers traced along one she was sure she stole from work, she wasn't even sure if it still had ink in it. 

"I wanna write down the address for you. If you wanna come, that is." He scribbled down with messy writing where the rave would take place. "Friday night. Hope to see you there." He handed her the cardboard slip with a smile. "Take care." He said as he waved goodbye.

"Thanks, I'll make it if I can." She grabbed it and gently slid it into her purse.

"One more thing," Danny added. "You'll need some stuff before you go, though. I have a friend, she can come visit you at your job tomorrow. She's got some clothes and stuff, she's about the same size as you I think."

"Thanks," She muttered nervously. "Bye now." Rachel was off on her way, ready to go home and end her Wednesday night.

The next day, a girl in a dark shirt and torn up denim shorts over even darker leggings visited the gift shop. She seemed disinterested in any business, instead asking Rachel if she knew Danny. A brief "Yes," was followed by the girl taking off and unzipping a backpack, fishing out strange looking clothes. 

"Hey, try this stuff on." The girl said in a slightly annoyed tone.

A quick trip to the back of the store and an awkward change into the garish getup showed that it did indeed fit her, weird hat included. Rachel changed back and confirmed to the girl that the size was right.

"Cool." She nearly growled. "Here, this ain't mine anyway." She said as she handed Rachel the backpack and walked out of the store without another word.

It didn't seem worth the effort to try to chase after her for any questions. It was clear enough that this was what she needed for the upcoming rave, and as she piled the clothes back into the bag she noticed a pacifier in a zip-lock bag. Eugh, why the hell was that in there?

That Friday night, when she found herself timidly walking along a moonlit path toward a warehouse on the outskirts of town, she couldn't help but feel a bit frightened to be alone past 10 o' clock. She had parked among a nearby collection of cars just off the main road, it seemed there were definitely going to be a lot of people here tonight.

She had told her mother that she was staying over at her friend Trudy's for the night. She was too old for excuses like that but it was better than “I’m going to a rave for the first time completely by myself in the middle of the night.” To which her mother would be understandably concerned, adult or not.

As she continued walking she began to hear it, the loud and pulsating bass of the music ahead. She knew one thing for sure, this place was going to be crowded and very loud. She had to suck in a deep breath as she kept walking along. She had already changed into her rave clothes at a gas station bathroom along the way, still questioning why a pacifier was zipped up into the bag.

Drawing ever closer she saw the old warehouse, and heard the music loud enough. It was lit up from inside, bright and bustling, and at the entrance stood a man who was dressed as strangely as any other raver, who seemed to be a bouncer. People were still entering, some by themselves and others in large groups, chatting and laughing all the way. The techno music inside was booming as she approached the bouncer at his little makeshift post.

"Hey," He started. "Danny invite you?"

"Y-yeah," She spoke up nervously, but as loud as she could so he could hear her. "Here, lemme grab this."

She dug through her purse and pulled out the piece of cardboard that was still in there, showing it to him.

"Yup, that's Danny's writing alright. You're cool to come in.”

She was expecting to be asked for her ID, or money, or something to get in. Instead he just opened the doors for her. She had so many questions, but as she dug through her purse and felt the little baggy the girl had given her yesterday, she decided there was only one worth asking.

"Hey," She pulled out the little baggy with the pacifier in it. "A girl gave me this. Why?"

"Oh, yeah. That's so your mouth don't get dry," He was staring straight at it. "Don't worry, no one'd give you a used one."

"So my mouth doesn't get dry?" She was confused.

"You'll see once you head inside, so just keep it on ya. Also," he pointed to a small trash can next to him, “You should put your purse in here, just move your valuables to your pockets. It’s real easy to lose stuff in there.”

Rachel shrugged and moved her wallet and the pacifier into the shockingly deep pockets on the baggy pants she was wearing and approached the can. It was full of handbags, many of which were fuzzy or some crazy color, she dropped hers in.

“My clothes are in there. My normal clothes.” She said, worried.

“They’ll be safe.” The bouncer said as he turned to the side and gestured for her to head in.

She took a deep breath and traipsed inside. As she entered the warehouse everything hit her all at once; the music boomed, glowsticks and spotlights twirled around to illuminate the dark building. The techno music was of the 90s ‘acid’ variety, and a DJ sat in his booth area, hard at work on mixing and keeping the party going.

The scariest part, she felt, was that she didn't know anybody here at all, and the likelihood of her running into Danny right away was pretty low. This isn't some clichéd romance novel after all. No, she had to be brave and walk around by herself, silently observing everything around her. It was almost like something she had seen on TV before, ironically in an anti-rave ad by local officials, who proclaimed it a "problem."

Everyone around her was clearly having fun, focused on dancing and partying hard, the smell of sweat and youth was all around her. Off to one side, not far from the DJ, she saw a punch bowl and red solo cups lying on a table. Obviously, the punch would be spiked, probably with vodka or rum. Rachel didn't really drink, but she thought she could loosen herself up a bit as the night progressed. Hell, it was already past 10:30, and she may as well get herself accustomed to it and have as much fun as she could.

Rachel didn't dance much, the only music she really listened to was whatever played on the radio. Local rock and pop hits, everything from Nirvana to NSYNC (so not very much). She'd tap her foot or fingers occasionally, but since she was still working on getting a new car she didn't really listen to the radio much, the one in her current car didn’t even work.

This music, of course, was way different than anything she had ever heard before. It pulsated in repetitive rhythmic beats, sounds accompanying it that were unlike anything she knew. Naturally whatever techno this was would be far outside of her knowledge or comfort zone, but, after enough time, she found herself at least semi-able to enjoy it. Maybe she could find herself dancing, after all who would be around to critique her on her form? She didn't dance much and in this environment that clearly didn't matter.

She breathed deep and tried her best to feel the rhythm, taking note of the dancers she saw nearby, studying the way they moved. The ravers kicked around with reckless abandon, clearly lost in the excitement and deep into the groove as the music only seemed to grow louder and more intense.

She found herself starting to move like they did, feeling awkward but okay with how she was doing. Eventually she found a rhythm and did her best to stick to it, trying not to stare at the floor and instead into the crowd as she attempted to keep her dancing from being half-hearted. 

Time flew in a way she had already predicted, and she unfortunately didn't have a watch with her. Clearly this was going to go on quite late, so it all didn't really matter. So far she was starting to enjoy herself, but felt slightly disappointed at so far not seeing Danny around, or even the annoyed girl who delivered her rave clothes to her. Nothing but foreign and energetic bodies around her, the heat of it all seemed to be getting to her more than it was to everyone else.

Everyone remained transfixed into their dancing as she walked past and through them, headed toward the punch bowl after a bit of dancing. One cup wouldn't hurt, and it would probably help loosen her up. Maybe she'd even see Danny hanging out nearby the bowl, there was plenty of it after all, and groups of people hanging around.

Like some kind of easily predictable coincidence, she did in fact see him as she rounded her way to the punch table. He was caught in a conversation with someone nearby, and, while still eccentric, he was dressed in different clothing than when she had met him. She couldn't tell what colors his clothes really were in the near ultraviolet light that shadowed the whole place, but she could see the glowing necklaces that held oddly shaped pendants and bright glowsticks.

She decided to let him notice her first, so she grabbed a cup and got herself some punch, making sure to include ice in her drink to keep her cool and let it water down the alcohol a bit. She took a gentle sip and noticed that it tasted quite like normal punch, whatever was in it was mixed well, and it tasted relatively pleasant.

Almost right on cue, Danny had ended his conversation and noticed her presence. He instantly smiled, looking excited but incredibly relaxed at the same time. Even though this was only her second time meeting him she knew his expressions always seemed to be contradictions when he eyed her. No matter what his face showed, he was definitely always kind to her, and that was what mattered. He was definitely approaching to make conversation, and as Rachel took another sip she braced herself for loud dialogue.

"Hey, glad ya could make it!" Danny yelled out to her, hoping to be heard.

She nodded at him as she took another small sip from her cup, which Danny seemed to be eyeing. The sweet taste was really getting to her, it seemed almost too sugary, but she did her best to deal with it. No one was going to force her to finish it anyway.

"I'm glad I could make it too," She finally spoke up, trying to be loud and clear. Danny nodded to her, and it was clear enough the two could hear each other, able to talk. "This is really weird for me, but I like it so far."

"Good, good." He nodded at her with a smile. "Hey, by the way, go easy on that punch! It's got a damn good kick to it, ya feel me?"

"I figured!" She knew she was going to go easy on it, even without a hint of alcohol in the flavor, she knew it'd be sweet but strong. "I can barely taste the alcohol! What's in this anyway? It's really sweet!"

"Oh!" Danny seemed to be laughing to himself in response, and she braced himself for him to answer that it had some of the hardest liquor she'd ever had in it. "It's MDMA!" He started laughing harder to himself.

"It's what?" That acronym sounded ever so vaguely familiar.

"MDMA! You know, ecstasy!" He was nearly erupting into joyous laughter as it hit her. "I've already had a cup and I'm good! But you be easy with it!"

Suddenly everything made sense, no wonder she couldn't taste any alcohol. This wasn't some drunken placebo effect, this was normal punch... spiked with actual drugs.

Shit, she was in for what would probably be a wild ride. She had no idea about ecstasy or what it did besides the common description that it ‘makes everything feel good.’

"I-I, u-uh..." She shuddered to herself as she placed her cup on her table. "I, uh... I wish I knew that!" Danny could tell she felt scared, and came up close to her, grabbing hold of her as she started to tear up a bit. She was completely overcome with anxiety in a moment’s notice.

"Hey," He said in a slightly quieter voice since she could hear him better now. "You didn't drink a lot, don't be scared. That'll make it feel shitty. Just keep calm and dance."

Danny's smile was genuine, and his body was warm. With a closer look she could tell he was definitely on it himself, and was functioning just fine. As an avid raver, this was clearly not his first rodeo, he was definitely experienced with it. This made his words and his touch more comforting and genuine, and she felt herself growing hot too.

"Did Ryan give you a pacifier?" He asked her.

"Wh-who?" She couldn’t think right now.

"Ryan, the girl who gave you those clothes."

"Oh, um, yeah," She reached into her pocket and pulled it out. "I brought it with me."

"Cool," He was happy to see she had it. "Use it if your mouth feels dry or your teeth get grindy. It'll keep you good enough to keep it going."

Well, that was one small comfort. She tried to brace herself, having no idea how long it would take to come on, or how strongly, or anything for that matter. At least she kind of knew what to expect, and if she let herself go she'd more than likely have a great time.

She decided to stick close to Danny, confirming she felt she'd be okay for the rest of the night, until he brought her back into the crowd. She had gotten one last small sip before leaving her cup behind, and was quickly back into the fray. The colors seemed to be getting a tad blurry, leaving small trails as they went by. The twirling glowsticks were particularly mesmerizing.

She expected some mild discomfort, but as she went along with him and started dancing she felt quite the opposite. It wasn't too intense, but it was definitely something completely new. Suddenly, time now felt like it was flying as she and Danny simply danced their hearts out wordlessly, somehow being able to simply feel each other's wavelengths, and she had no time or interest in making sure that even made any sense.

No, nothing really mattered anymore, at least not in the moment. The vocal samples in the various songs bumped out encouraging R&B-type singers, always focused on the dancing. Keep on dancing now, that was the only concern on the planet right now it seemed, the only thing the two of them could focus on.

Danny was right about the pacifier, despite how utterly ridiculous it felt, it was serving its purpose well. Any time her mouth felt like it was even remotely drying, sucking on it helped her keep salivating, and the taste of sweet punch was still on her tongue.

After what seemed like an eternity of raucous movements of all kinds, she suddenly felt rather strange. It was hot, very hot, and she felt like she was getting dizzy. She needed to stop. Her heartbeat felt like it was matching the music to a T, but then it felt like it was getting more and more rapid. Her sense of perception was off, and she felt unsure about everything. Falling forward, she nearly toppled over as Danny broke out of his dance craze to catch her.

"Yo," He looked at her, face to face, concerned. "You doin' okay?"

"I-I need t-to go outside," She took out the pacifier, stuttering on her words, and getting steadily more overheated by the minute. "It's j-just really h-hot in h-here..."

"Yo, it's okay. Lemme just-"

Danny was interrupted by Rachel suddenly pulling away from him and anxiously making her way through the crowds to reach the warehouse doors, which were closed. Her hands clasped the handles, thoroughly shaking, and she couldn't breathe, feeling like she was gasping. Finally, she was able to jiggle the handle just right, running outside to catch her breath, hoping the solitude and fresh air could calm her panic attack.

She remained alone for what only seemed like a few minutes, minutes that were now crawling instead of flashing by like they had been before. As she gasped, desperate to cool off, she heard a familiar voice and quick footsteps as Danny ran outside to catch her.

"Rachel!" He ran up to her, still clearly high as a kite, but being as grounded and concerned as he could manage.

"Don't touch me!" She shrieked.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," He backed up a few steps to gain some distance from her. "I'll give ya some space, 'kay? Just breathe, you're overheated. Gotta cool off and you'll feel better, promise."

A few minutes rolled by and Danny's words were true, she felt her heart, previously rapid, beating slower toward a normal pace. The sweat on her brow was dissipating, she felt cooler, and steadily more collected as she kept taking deep breaths, which got smaller and smaller until her breathing became more regulated.

"Hey, feelin' better now?" Danny looked her in the eyes, noticing for the first time their hazel color.

"Y-yeah..."

"Wish I had grabbed some water. I was in a hurry."

"It's okay, I-I feel better." She looked at him back, his eyes were a dark shade of brown.

"Good," Danny started pacing nervously. "Hey, look, I'm gonna head back inside. Feel free to come back in, I'd love to keep dancin' with ya!" He was so good at giving those warm, genuine smiles.

"I... I think I'm gonna head home," She nervously rubbed one of her arms. "I, just... Lots of anxiety, you know?"

"I get it," He came closer to gently put a hand on her shoulder. "But just calm down as much as you can out here, you’ll start to enjoy it."

“I mean, this isn’t how I imagined my first time doing this.” Rachel said, thinking of how this was never even something she imagined herself doing in the first place.

“Look, both of us are way too high to drive.” He had a point there.

“What time is it anyway?” Time itself was distorted, as was nearly everything else.

“Dunno,” He didn’t have a watch on him or anything. “But the night is definitely still young. It’s probably only been a few hours.” There was no way to really tell, the moon was hidden by the canopy of trees and the glow of rave lights.

If she could just go with the flow, everything probably would be enjoyable. There was no use fighting the high. She’d just have to ride the wave, so to speak.

“Okay,” She spoke out loud, then started to think. Focus, Rachel. “I think…” Trying to speak was getting a bit difficult. “I c-can…” “Hey, I know it’s your first rodeo and all…” Danny scratched the back of his neck. “Just stick close to me, alright?” He held out his hand, inviting her to grab it.

“Okay,” She basically didn’t really have any other option here anyhow. “I trust you.”

“Great,” He felt he had been maybe a bit too touchy, but he gently placed a hand on her shoulder again, ready to lead her back inside. “Come on, let’s dance a bit more. I still got lots of energy right now. Then, I dunno.”

As they walked back inside, Rachel tried to keep her breathing under control. She tried to focus on the positive aspects; the things she liked about what was going on. Lights and colors all around, people having an absolute blast as they let themselves go. The insane raver fashion that captivated her and demanded attention. The DJ jamming and the speakers vibrating, it almost looked like the sound waves were visible. Trying to keep a cool head, she thought about how incredible it all was.

Yeah, thinking about everything cool here was helping just a tiny bit, and that was better than freaking out over nothing. The vibe she felt in her body was a buzz that she was slowly growing more and more used to as the minutes passed. She stuck close to Danny, joining him on the dance floor. The heat came back, but it was obvious given the sheer sea of bodies, all sweaty and exhausted but going on to dance their hearts out.

She gave up trying to even measure time, and did her best to actually listen to the music. She was beginning to like it, the way everything felt better and better as she ignored what her mind tried to tell her out of anxiety. No, no reason to listen to it. Shut it off and feel the ecstasy of the night, it was about time she had some damn fun in her life. Too many years of being a boring, good girl. Nineteen years and this was the first time she actually felt free.

“You know there’s water bottles here too right,” Danny shouted at her, reassuring her that if she felt hot she’d be alright. “There’s still a box by the punch. You look real red.”

It was getting easier and easier to ignore her body’s basic needs when her mind and everything else around her told her to keep going. Danny instead walked off, intent to grab a bottle for her, but noticing his sudden absence took her out of her trance and nearly inflicted more panic in her. He’d only been gone for a few seconds but it felt like hours to her.

Rachel held her head. No, no, no, no, no, her frightened mind repeated. She couldn’t handle being alone right now. He was quick to return but she quickly fell onto him trying her best not to be a blubbering mess as her thoughts continued to run wild.

“Uhh, you cool?” Danny asked as she hung onto him.

Rachel was silent until she felt something cold touch her arm, which took her by surprise until Danny revealed it was a simple bottle of cold water.

“You need to drink this, ‘kay?” He handed the bottle to her and she nervously grasped in her hand, the sensation of the cold sending new shocks through her body.

She tried to regain control of herself. Shaking and struggling to twist the cap off before opening it and chugging it, spilling it over herself in the process. Lord, was she a mess, and she knew it too.

“Easy now,” Danny said while his hands attempted to say the same thing. This would surely be a long night. He was no stranger to “babysitting” but didn’t expect to be doing it while high himself, and definitely not at a rave. But he cared enough about Rachel and couldn’t betray his generous nature, and at least she was drinking water even though she was spilling just as much as she was drinking.

“Just keep that with you, I don’t want you passing out now.” He flashed her a warm smile, happy to help out even if it would take a bit away from his night. Danny was an avid raver anyway, and there were more to come in the next few weeks alone. Plenty of time to make up for it and keep in touch with his friends, who had disappeared from near the punch bowl some time ago.

Rachel responded with a weak “Okay,” wiping her mouth and coughing a bit. Despite nearly choking she was eager to get back to dancing, holding onto Danny as if they were going to slow dance or something.

“Got balance?” He asked, trying to prop her back up so she could stand on her feet.

“Think so.” She responded as he let go. She was fighting the urge in her mind to grab another cup of punch. For as much as she was near freaking out she was also hoping this would be one of those nights that never ends. New experiences were exactly what she needed to finally break out of her shell.

“Maybe we should take a quick breather,” Danny suggested while rubbing the back of his neck again. “I just kinda wanna see where Amy and Duncan went to.”

“Were they your friends? I’m sorry I interrupted.” She remembered drawing him away from the others with her presence, and she felt bad despite him never once complaining and being the one to initiate conversation in the first place.

“No, no. It’s chill, don’t worry. But maybe you’d like to meet them, they’re way cool.”

The prospect of actually meeting other ravers was definitely exciting, and she realized that all night she hadn’t interacted with anyone else besides Danny and the man out front. Time continued distorting and within seconds she was already talking to the two others, laughing and telling jokes. She couldn’t recall just what the four of them talked about, but the sound of raucous laughter fighting through the music was joyous to her ears.

The sense of time was an irrelevant distraction now, and everyone planned on going on until the latest hours of the night. Even so, after parties were planned. It was a night of sick shit, as Danny described it.

So goes the lives of ravers. Life is boring, depressing, unfair, and ultimately a drag to crawl through. Nights like these made things bearable. Drugs like these made those nights fun. She could get used to this, maybe.

Once again, Rachel stepped outside. However this time she was neither alone nor in a state of panic. The four simply needed some air and to cool their bodies off. Rachel watched as the other three lit up cigarettes; she didn’t smoke, but didn't mind it when others did. After her first real experience with drugs tonight, there was no point in judging anyone anymore, especially with all four having solo cups too.

The four had conversations, told jokes, and laughed together in harmony. For what it was worth, they were really starting to make Rachel feel less and less out of place. The weird getup, the loud music, the high, everything. None of it felt so foreign, so bad anymore. This was the best social learning experience she’d ever had, after the drudgery of high school, which didn’t teach her a damn thing anyway.

Despite her earlier urges, Rachel had abstained from another helping of punch. Just as well; as the night wore on, the bowl was eventually emptied. Everything was beginning to wear off and the moon was still high in the sky, but she still had no clue what time it was. Then it hit her, her stuff. It was still in that trash can near the door. If no one stole it, that is.

But she was lucky, and she dug into her purse for the little watch she carried with her but never wore. It was after 3 at this point, the prospect of a soon rising sun made the inner workings of her body say something along the lines of The sun is going to rise soon and you should be in bed. Thoughts to which she didn’t even respond to, for just this night she didn’t have a care in the world. It helped that she didn’t have to work tomorrow.

There was already talk of ditching the scene for Danny’s apartment before the sun came up. She could be sure it’d be a night of drinking and probably a lot of pot. And sure, why not? Finally, she had broken her shell, even if it was for one night. She hadn’t enjoyed alcohol before and never really smoked, but it was time for some new experiences. Time to stop being afraid of life, and enjoy the little pleasures the world can offer.

[ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au]

let’s talk about TUA fandom

y’all are hypocritical - let’s just get it out there.

before you start typing out some angry comments or coming in my ask-box lemme explain my reasoning here.

LUTHER HARGREEVES

Luther is one of the most hated characters in this fandom for some unknown reason to me. He is just another victim in all of this and as much as all of you want to blame everything on his actions, he simply acted in what he thought were the best interests of everyone. Luther showed his trauma in the same way the rest did.

In my opinion, Luther is one of the most underrated characters in The Umbrella Academy because all of you are too busy with your thirsting after Diego or uWu-ing over Klaus to notice him.

So here is Luther’s trauma broken down for all of you. 

Luther was doomed from the moment he was chosen to be Number One, it’s that simple. From the very moment Reginald chose him, he had no chance, because he had the expectation of being the best put on his shoulders by a man who was never going to see any of them as anything less than worthless.

But Luther was determined to live up to his name, to be what his father wanted him to be – to be Number One.

Because for Luther he was sure everything that Reginald was doing was out of love. But I think Luther deep down knew that their father didn’t love them, but he needed to believe it was out of love, he couldn’t stand the thought of it being anything but love, because if it wasn’t love then it wasn’t worth it. He needed it to be worth it.

We got a glimpse of that in season one when he found all the packages he sent to Reginald. He never had any friends, he never left the house, he gave up his entire life for his father and the mission he believed in. Because he needed to believe it was worth it and when he found out it wasn’t – well, he had thrown his entire life away for what? It wasn’t because their father loved them or believed in them. So what was it?

Just to prove to all of you that Luther is more like his siblings than you all want to admit, here are some comparisons - 

LUTHER: needed the moon to have a reason behind it, so much so that his obsession put others in danger. He also couldn’t face it when it turned out his mission was for nothing - so he regressed to his old behavior of thinking his father was right.

DIEGO: needed to be the hero, even though I’m almost positive Diego isn’t a complete idiot and knows that dramatically changing history would be bad - aka saving JFK could make the timeline explode, he needed to save him. So much so he was willing to put all of his siblings in jeopardy.

LUTHER: was told from the beginning he was the leader and that being Number One meant that he had to be the best. Because of this he had an inflated sense of importance. It just meant he had a higher distance to fall when he finally realized that it all meant nothing. He also doesn’t take their opinions or plans seriously because he’s Number One and his plans are superior.

FIVE: is a cocky little shit, who is insistent he is the smartest person around and he might be. But he views everyone around him as lesser, that includes his siblings. He has spent his entire time in the apocalypse trying to get back to save his siblings but still treats them like garbage. He also never lets his siblings in on anything that’s happening, he never sits them down and explains anything, and when they try to contribute with a plan or a theory he looks at them like they are stupid. 

LUTHER: was sent to the moon, alone, with no one to talk to. Before that he had no friends his age, his only companions were Grace, his father, and Pogo. He’s been alone for a long time.

VANYA: has been alone for a lot longer than Luther - but trauma is not a competition and they both have dealt with it differently. I just wanted to point out these two similarities between the two characters.

LUTHER: is desperate for love and affection from his father. Everything he has done has been to get Reginalds approval and love but none of it has ever worked. He got small glimpses of things, like his dad’s favorite spot under a tree, so maybe he got a bit closer than the others but it was not real love.

ALLISON: is desperate for love and affection in general - hence her stardom. She needs attention, she feeds on it. It isn’t until she has Claire that I think she truly understands that everything until then has been fake. The unconditional love of a child made her realize that all of that fake love and affection is no match for real love.

LUTHER: has probably felt like a monster since before his transformation - having super-strength means having to be very careful with your own body. But after the transformation must’ve been so much worse. 

BEN: literally has a monster inside of him and has always felt like a monster. The difference is he has openly spoken about feeling like a monster.

LUTHER: has always been in control of himself. He is the exact opposite of Klaus in how he uses control to deal with trauma. Luther needs control in order to deal with trauma.

KLAUS: has no control and he does not want it. To deal with trauma Klaus loses control by using drugs and alcohol but he also uses it to control his powers.

So now that I’ve gotten through the siblings a bit, let’s talk about another topic that has a bit of hypocrisy behind it -

ALLISON X LUTHER

For some reason this ship is very despised in the fandom, I don’t know if it’s because of the fact that one part of it is Luther but a lot of the reasons I see are just - ‘ew, they’re siblings’. 

Yet, most of the ships in TUA fandom are of the siblings being paired together.

Five x Vanya [fics on ao3 - 372]

Diego x Klaus [fics on ao3 - 687]

Ben x Klaus [fics on ao3 - 311]

The only other ships that top these are -

Dave x Klaus [fics on ao3 - 1409]

Diego x Patch [fics on ao3 - 434]

And let’s be really honest for a second here - them being in any romantic relationship with each other, is not weird. None of them are biologically related to one another. They were just raised in the same household as one another and told to treat each other as siblings. If they had never been adopted by Reginald Hargreeves and met randomly on the side of the road, this discussion would be moot. 

I find the Five x Vanya ship much more disturbing if I’m being honest, simply because most of the fics ship a fully grown Vanya, in the body of a 31-ish year old, with Five - who while mentally is like in his 60s or whatever, is back in his 13 year old body. If Vanya did ever get with Five before his body turned 18, it would be statutory rape.

Let’s also just for a second list some other fandom pairings that are pretty popular that people ship that have the same ‘we grew up as siblings but we aren’t biologically related’ trope.

Thor x Loki [fics on ao3 - 10894]

Eren x Mikasa [fics on ao3 - 1221]

John Marston x Arthur Morgan [fics on ao3 - 651]

Max x Alec [fics on ao3 - 357]

Iris x Barry [fics on ao3 - 3689]

It’s incredibly strange to me how unpopular Allison x Luther is - especially since it’s actually canon in the comics. Granted, some things from the comics of course should change or be adapted, but the chemistry between Tom Hopper and Emmy Raver-Lampman is just spectacular, especially during the dance scene in The Day That Wasn't.

I absolutely loved that scene (still mad it’s nowhere on youtube). I felt like we got to see Luther both as how Allison sees him and for a moment he was out of his head with Allison, relaxed and just himself. 

If you just don’t ship it, just say you don’t ship it. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

Alright. I think my duty as a member of the Luther-Protection squad is finished. If you can’t see your hypocrisy after this post, I really don’t know what to tell you. If you would like to have a calm discussion about why you think I’m wrong or right, I’m willing to talk about it. However, anyone who comes at me just spewing vitriol or that I’m so stupid will not be taken seriously, if you can’t have a calm discussion about things then I won’t take you seriously. 

I do want to say though - I understand having favorite characters, I’m a sucker for characters that are only held back from destroying the world by a hug (Vanya). But I’m also someone who loves to look at the entire picture and appreciate the depth of each character in a series, even the ones I hate. In fact - some of my favorite characters were ones I hated and the actors/actresses soon became my favorite because it takes a lot of talent to make people hate you.

So for a moment, really think if you hate Luther Hargreeves or if you dislike his actions and if it’s his actions, who you really should hate is Reginald Hargreeves because all Luther has ever done has been a reaction to trauma - exactly like the rest of his siblings.

[m-y-fandoms]

[Aoi Asahina, Sonia Nevermind, Chiaki Nanami, Rantarou Amami, Ibuki Mioda] x reader imagine: comforting an insecure guitarist s/o after their band plays live

Request: Oh my god, are DR blogs coming back again?? This is the third new one I've found this month!! Really happy about that.  Great writing so far by the way! Could you maybe do Asahina, Sonia, Chiaki, Rantaro, and Ibuki (separate) comforting an insecure, guitarist S/O after they just performed a live show with their band? And like, the S/O is really worried that they sucked even though they did well? Oddly specific, I know. Would appreciate it though! Cheers!

OMG I NERDED OUT AND HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH CHIAKI’S, POINTS TO THE FANS WHO GET THE REFERENCE, though it’s an easy one Nishishi~

Thank you for this imagine request and being so specific about what you want while still giving me a lot of creative freedom! I immediately had some simple but cute ideas about this! - Mod Kokichi

Gender Neutral reader, a few brief lewd humorous lines, but SFW otherwise.

Aoi Asahina

- You were nervous, pre-show jitters shuddering through your body, but you couldn’t back out now.

- Not when your super hot, super excited, super supportive girlfriend had hyped you up just before the show.

- “Stage fright?! How’d you even get into a band in the first place with that mentality?!” Hina teased you backstage, mere moments before going on out to preform. She saw you chuckle nervously, not taking her joke as well as she’d hoped.

- She took your hand firmly. “Look, you know that face you love, the one I make when I’m thinking about pastries?” She continued.

- “The one that makes you look like a chipmunk?” You answered flatly.

- “I don’t agree, but yes! That one! When you’re scared up there, imagine me doing that face! Or better yet, I’ll be front row, in the V.I.P. standing section anyway. Just look for me there!” With a peck on your cheek, she gave you a determined look before pushing you toward the stage and disappearing.

- “H-hina!” You stuttered, but it couldn’t be helped, it was time.

- To your surprise, the nervousness went away as your band was about half way through the first song.

1. The attention is mainly on the lead singer.

2. You were focusing on playing too much to fully take in the screaming crowd.

3. You were actually enjoying yourself.

- As the first song ended, however, the music fading out and the crowd going wild, you felt that little pinch of panic settle back in. There was no music to focus on and protect you, just a hundred faces to look out upon.

- Your eyes darted back and forth over the audience, searching. Your breathing came out a little heavier, until your eyes landed on a lean, curvy, athletic figure, with tanned skin and a smile sweet like honey...no, like doughnuts

- She put her hands up near her face like paws, closing her eyes in an open-mouth smile. You smirked, nodding and strumming your strings once again.

- At the end of the show, fans flooded to the hallway that connected the venue’s main hall to the dressing rooms backstage, reaching out to try and grab band members, hoping to take how an autograph or lock of hair as a souvenir, and you rushed through, sweating and ultimately disappointed with the overall performance you put on that night.

- Hina was already waiting in your temporary dressing room for the night, standing and throwing her arms around your neck before praising you endlessly.

- “S/O, that was amazing! That third song, I felt like the bass shook the place! It was intense, like the final lap in a freestyle race, you know?! We gotta bring Sakura next time. I think she’d really get into the pull of the steady rhythm!” Her little dramatic expressions, her brow knitted together passionately as she spoke...she reminded you every day why you fell in love with her.

- “You...you really liked it? I thought I was kinda just going down further and further in quality as the show went on. I felt like shit by the end…”

- “Are you kidding me! It was fantastic. I think the whole audience was immersed. I know I was! Hey...you better not have all these groupies flocking you looking for a piece tonight!” She teased, hugging your arm!

Sonia Nevermind

- Sonia was extremely excited to go to a public concert. Anything that brought her closer to commoners, to feeling like she belonged around ordinary people was just swell to her.

- Even better that it was in a country foreign to her, where she could be immersed in the cultural norms and behaviors.

- Even better that she was watching the one she loved play.

- She was afraid that you’d judge her when she first admitted her love for the occult, horror, and all things gothic and metal.

- You thought that was pretty hot.

- So there she stood, in the front row of your concert, in a poofy green dress with expensive jewelry and accessories decorating her frame. She stuck out like a sore thumb, but Sonia, blissfully unaware, felt like one of the normal people.

- She jumped when the crowd did, her fist in the air, entranced by each note that came from your instrument.

- Sweaty metal-heads and ravers bumped into her endlessly in the tightly packed crowd, and she couldn’t care less.

- You looked amazing up on stage, and she felt like she was a part of some fan fiction she read once.

- You know the trope, where the reader is in the crowd at a famous band’s concert reluctantly, and her favorite member locks eyes with her and either pulls her on stage with them or takes her backstage after the show and ravished her!

- And she felt her love for you and your musical talent swell within her heart.

- After the concert, she met you outside the back door of the venue, and you were shocked silent at her appearance.

- “S-Sonia are you okay??” The tights under her dress were ripped, her bracelet missing some jewels, the bow tie falling out of her blonde locks, which by the way looked like a rat’s nest. Topping the look off were the pit stains under her arms and in the valley of her cleavage.

- “I’m sorry. I knew this would be a shitty experience. I shouldn’t have brought you. The music was bad anyway, huh? I shouldn’t practiced more.” You looked down in shame, before she nearly tackled you, her arms around your neck and kissing you everywhere, up and down your face and neck and chest.

- “D-do not say these things! Tonight was the b-best night of my life!!!” she sputtered, too excited to enunciate. “You looked like a hero in this J-Drama I watched years ago! Like the protagonist Sawayama Keito!! And I??? I was your romantic love interest, the plain Jane in the crowd, Ito Aiyaka!”

- “You really enjoyed it that much?” You could smell the body odor and adrenaline pouring off of her, very un-princess-like, but you couldn’t care less, grinning like a fool.

- “I love you, Sonia, you crazy kid.”

- “Play for me again tonight, in the dorm room…” she spoke desperately.

Chiaki Nanami

- Chiaki did not want to be in that crowd that night.

- A short, skinny, lazy, introverted girl at a live concert full of rabid fans and no seats? Standing room only?

- She briefly mentioned this to you days before the show, not wanting to hurt your feelings. It was something mentioned in passing, in her normal flat and tired tone.

- “I hope I don’t get stepped on...maybe I can bring my Gameboy and play when things get too wild?” She mused, leaning back on you as you prepared to start practicing on the edge of the bed next to her.

- You loved Chiaki, and you knew how to take her hints by now.

- “Chi, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I know crowds aren’t your thing.”

- “No, I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she smiled that lazy, half-lidded smile. She loved you too, and she wasn’t about to be the only one on campus not there to support you. She yawned and took your guitar from your hands before falling asleep on your lap.

- You thought the gesture was cute, but inside you were a bit irritated. You’d told her many times prior to that night that you needed all the practice you could get, and that you were afraid of bombing. So why would she purposely stop you in the middle of practicing?

- Oh well. You leaned back, memorizing chords and lyrics in your head until you, too, passed out

- The night of the concert, Chiaki stood in the front row, her backpack strapped to her front, oddly snug on her chest and obviously on backwards, but it was easier to access her Gameboy and fidget toys in case she needed to retreat from the overwhelming noise.

- She told herself they were just for emergencies. She was there for you, and frowned thinking about how you’d feel if you looked down off the stage and saw her not paying attention.

- People piled in, and soon your band came on stage. The lead singer introducing you all.

- Chiaki was already feeling like the ceiling was lowering, like the people around her were far too close, and looked down, hoping seeing just the dark venue floor and her shoes would calm her, one hand on her backpack for security.

- “Oh!” She gasped, her little bangs flying up and her eyes widening like saucers as the lead singer sang the first notes. Three notes, that’s all it took.

- “Aha~aha ah ah...ha~uh huh huh…” the lead singer breathily voiced into the microphone, and Chiaki smiled wider than she had in months.

- You met her eyes on stage knowingly, smirking at first, then suddenly anxious that you might slip up or disappoint her. You strummed two loud, vibrating notes, stern and piercing through the air.

- Again the same two notes, before you joined the singer by the microphone, inhaling before singing in harmony:

- “In you~ and I, there’s a new land~ yeah~he heah!”

- She relaxed, tilting her head back as the sound waves overtook her.

- “Angels in flight~”

- “My sanctuary. My sanctuary, yeah~”

- You didn’t tell her you’d be doing covers that night. Video game covers, nonetheless. Her head shot up, looking at her phone quickly. She looked at the date.

- February 14th.

- Man, she spaced out often…but this…

- She blushed furiously, and her eyes locked with yours. You grew nervous, playing even harder. She swooned and let herself get lost in the bass.

- You played iconic video game themes all night, and by the end, Chiaki was more overwhelmed and exhausted then she’d ever been, but in a good way.

- When you walked into your dressing room back stage with flowers you had hidden earlier, she accepted them with a flush of her cheeks.

- “You didn’t need to do all that...s/o...this was…”

- “Y-you didn’t like it? I was nervous for a month planning this gig. I know I’ve still got a ways to go with playing live but-“

- “I loved it.”

- “What?” You weren’t convinced.

- “I loved it. Every second. I’m sorry I didn’t get you a gift, I didn’t even realize.”

- “Gifts don’t mean anything to me, Chi. You’re all I need.” you pulled her into your chest for a tight embrace. “You’re My Sanctuary.”

Rantarou Amami

- Rantarou was so excited about seeing your debut concert, snatching the tickets as soon as you presented them to him.

- “Can I bring along my sisters, too, S/O? They’ve been wanting to hear you play ever since I first mentioned that you were in a band.

- “Of course, but...I don’t know why they’d wanna all waste a Saturday night on my shitty band. We don’t even play that well ye-“

- “Silence!” He picked you up by your waist and squeezed you until you couldn’t breath, much less put yourself down with a self deprecating jab. He kissed your cheek playfully. “You’re sexy and the way you play guitar is sexy. I listened you practice all night the other day!”

- “Y-you did? I didn’t even see you!”

- “Huh...” he scoffed, “ maybe because you were lost in your passion, becasue news flash, you’re good at it, stinker!” He pinched your cheek, always knowing how to make you flustered. “Yeah, I heard every single note, and even peaked in once or twice, seeing you stroke those strings so tenderly…” He forced you against the wall, his hot breath against your ear “ I wish you’d stroke me like that.” You face ran hot and you roughly shoved him away, him giggling like a fool.

- “Okay, okay you win, Amami, bring whoever you want!” You stomped off with a huff.

- The day of the concert, the entire front row looked like a field of spring grass, the large family of green-haired siblings shouting before you even began your first song. You shook your head at Rantarou and his many sisters, half-embarrassed, half-flattered. You felt your hands stumble across the strings, Rantarou giving you a thumbs up and a wink.

- After the show, you couldn’t run off the stage any faster. You ran into the staff room backstage where refreshments and spare equipment were usually set out, and were greeted by a row of Amami’s swarming you and praising you, talking much too quickly and all at once. 

- Rantarou simply let his sisters flock you, asking you to teach them to play, to help them meet hot musicians you knew, to learn to read music. You felt your ego rise, flustered once again at the hand’s an an Amami.

Ibuki Mioda

- Ibuki shouted to the band backstage, tuning her guitar and hyping up the other members. She noticed you a little out of place, looking a quite queasy and apprehensive.

- “S/O! The hell are you doin’ over there! Hudddddddle up!” She pulled you by your shoulders.

- “I don’t know why I let you force me into joining the music club...I shouldn’t have mentioned my interest at all…” you grumbled.

- Months ago, Ibuki had heard you, her darling and adorable s/o mentioning that you played guitar in elementary school, and wanted to listen in on her band once practice one in awhile. Well, that was the end of that. She decided it was time to freshen up your skills and get you comfortable with the strings again. Now here you were, moments from your first live performance since you were 10 years old.

- “Whaaat! That’s like, a major no no, that low energy, ya dig?!” She held your hand, swinging it back and forth with a feral look on her face. “You’re bitchin’! And Ibuki is bitchin’! And tonight we’re gonna set the stage on fire!”

- The show went on as planned, you and Ibuki on guitar while she screamed into the front mic. Your drummer just barely cut through the vibrations of your combined sound waves, and you buckled down and reminded yourself that with Ibuki at your back, that stage was yours. That audience was yours.

- Plus...who was staring at you when Ibuki was up front, looking like that, acting like that. That passion, that intensity, it’s what drew you to her in the first place.

- The crowd roared viciously, opening up a mosh pit in front of your neon gothic goddess of a girlfriend, and you couldn’t have found her more attractive than you did right now, her arms swinging open, releasing the guitar and simply bellowing into the mic, commanding the hellish pit in front of her like one of the succubi from Gundham’s wild tall tales.

- You suddenly felt so unworthy of her in all her glory, simply providing the backup and harmonies.

- When the show ended, you and Ibuki equally carried each other back stage to the school’s stagehand room, leaning on each other’s sweaty bodies for support.

- “Sheesh, that was straight fire tonight, s/o, huh?! Immolation on the stage, in the fleeeesh!” She shredded an air guitar in front of her before collapsing on a folding chair. How did she still have any energy at all?! You scoffed incredulously. “ Ibuki was worried for a second there, but we pulled it off! I knew we’d be amazing!” Huh???

- “You were worried?” You quickly realized what she probably meant, “Oh...like nervous that I’d mess it up for us?” Her eyes widened, a shocked look on her face as her hands flew up to her hair.

-“What? No! Ibuki was worried about Ibuki~” She grimaced.

- “Why would you ever be nervous, you’re the best musician for miles around.” You drank from a water bottle before tossing it to her. She caught it in one hand, downing it.

- “Hey, Ibuki gets worried too~” She winked at you, a flirty glimmer in her eye as she held up a heart made from her connected hands. “But s/o is Ibuki’s rock! Partners in crime, yeah? No need to worry with you at my back tearing it up!”

[samwrights]

I’m sorry but ukai with a breeding kink😳yes PLEASE

I swear I saw another ask that asked for Ukai with an impreg kink

*ahem* anyways—WOW this one was a doozy but holy shit did I have fun writing it. 11k words you guys. 11. K. It is a lot so grab some cocoa or coffee and a blanket because this is a read. It even has to be split into two parts because I hit the fucking text limit, BUT this also means there is no actual smut in this portion. You can find that here.

If you guys need some ear candy, I recommend the following:

Day N Nite (Crooker’s Remix) by Kid Cudi

Pursuit of Happiness (Extended version with Steve Aoki) by Kid Cudi

Breaking Me by Topic

C’Mon by Ke$ha

Flannel by The Cardboard Swords (it has to be sad somewhere)

Magic in the Hamptons by Social House

Fun fact: Ke$ha was actually the primary inspiration for this fic and for DJ!Ukai. God bless her.

Warnings: language, nicotine and alcohol consumption, implied drug use, implied emotionally abusive relationship, breeding/impreg kink, dirty talk, rough sex, risky sex, road head, slight dub-con, praise, multiple smut scenes, 3rd person POV reader-insert—because the word ‘you’ just didn’t seem to fit.

Without further ado, please enjoy the filthy depths of my brain followed by a relatively happy ending that I’ve titled, “Between the Lines’” :-)

“You’ve been more tired lately, and you’re showing up right when practice starts. Is everything okay?” Was the question that Takeda had asked Ukai Keishin that haunted him for years to come. Sure, he had wanted to gain more independence from his parents, wanted to start being more adult-like and take over the mortgage and the bills so his parents could finally rest. At the age of twenty-six, it seemed like a good idea at the time. With four years passing, however, Keishin was so damn tired, but it wasn’t like he could just stop working.

He was still tending to crops every morning, tending to the shop, coaching for Karasuno, but in the four years time, he had adopted one more job on the weekends—Ukai Keishin was a local nightclub DJ. He’d discovered the job opportunity one fateful night that he was out with his friends from the neighborhood association. To this day, he was still unsure of why he was approached with the job, especially considering he didn’t know the first thing about being a DJ, but the woman who had offered him the position had taught him everything he needed to know.

It turned out that he had a natural affinity for the position, seeing as he was still at it years later under the alias Spira. Ukai kept telling himself that he would quit the gig eventually because there was no way he could continue working four jobs—it was inhuman and the money didn’t even really matter to him. Okay, that last one is a lie; his DJ gig has been a substantial contributor to his savings funds to the point where he was even able to afford a newer, larger, (and slightly) used SUV in full compared to his tiny, old yellow beater. Even his mortgage bills were starting to look less daunting with the current cash flow.

Who needs sleep anyway? Ukai survived and thrived off of nicotine and caffeine anyway. Besides, sleep was the last thing on his mind whenever he set foot into the club. It was impossible to think of anything other than the writhing bodies of sweaty, young adults that were already drunk or high or were practically fucking each other with their clothes on. Perhaps that was part of the reason Keishin felt the need to quit this job—he was envious. Envious of the fact that he never got to indulge in his youth like these kids did; he started working and helping his family out right away after college. Sure, he went out here and there, but these twenty-something-year-olds were living their best life, while he was thirty and catering to their whims.

To say he was a bit bitter would be an understatement.

Bitterness aside, however, it did him good to see the youth enjoying exactly that—their youth. They got to do as they pleased between exams and becoming functioning members of society and, while he was jealous, Ukai was proud to be able to contribute to their pleasure.

He’d arrived to the club early, as he often did, to try to grab a drink before he was due for stage time. Ukai was thankful the bartenders knew him enough that he didn’t have to verbally order considering the music was too loud to hear him in the first place. A rum and coke manifests itself in a small, plastic cup that the blonde raises in thanks before weaving and bobbing around the various partygoers. For the most part, he’s successful in dodging the flailing bodies as he mutely notes the very upbeat remix of some female pop artist playing.

But only remotely successful as Keishin attempts to salvage his drink from spilling as he raises it over his head as one of the partygoers is pushed into him. “Hey, careful!” He snaps toward the younger, [hair color]ed woman. She only looks half-offended by the scolding, but otherwise unperturbed. If anything, the dominating expression on her face was confusion.

“Coach Ukai?” He’s surprised to hear both his given name and his title, let alone coming from a club patron, as they all knew him as Spira. Recognition slips his mind entirely—he’s never met this girl in any way that he can remember. Certainly, he would never forget crossing paths with this beauty, even if she was dressed in a similarly juvenile fashion to the other ravers. Tight crop top tee cinched together by a knot at the midriff, with army green high-waisted shorts attempting to cover the bare skin, face painted with makeup, glitter, and sweat; even underneath the garb, she brought forth no recollection. “Uh, d-do you remember me?” It’s a challenge to hear over the music, but she presses forward close enough that her lips are right in Keishin’s ear.

“Can’t say that I do,” he yells right back into hers.

“Karasuno class of twenty-twelve, I was Sugawara’s girlfriend.” Oh.

Oh.

Now he remembered, vaguely, but he doesn’t ever remember her looking like this. The last four years had been incredibly kind to her, in more ways than one. Back in her Karasuno days, [name] had always looked pleasant, for lack of better term. But there was always a lifeless, matted, dull glaze to her eyes that screamed she was searching for something more. While it was still somewhat present, there was a substantial joyous air around her. It looked good on her. However, as much as Ukai wanted to stay and admire, he had to go get set up for the evening. Or rather, that was the excuse he used when he said he would catch her after the show. “[name], did you know who that was?” The woman in question gives a nod, confused at the sudden star struck gawks that her friends held.

“Uh, yeah? My ex-boyfriend’s volleyball coach?”

“No dude, that was the DJ, Spira.”

“What?”

Being the closing act meant a lot of different things to Ukai Keishin. On the negative spectrum, it meant he was going to have to tend to crops as soon as he finished cleaning up his set. That also meant he wasn’t going to get to go to bed until nearly eight in the morning after his shift at the farm. Yet, for him, the positives greatly outweighed the negatives. For Keishin, watching the audience lose themselves in euphoria, albeit probably a drug-induced one, just hit different for him. It was a sense of satisfaction that only came from a select few activities, with coaching volleyball being the other major contributor. There was just something about the way the crowd was overwhelmed and screaming the second underground remixes of old Kid Cudi tracks with his own twists overtook the speakers that granted Keishin a sense of enlightenment.

For him, being a DJ allowed an audience to flow and vibe with the journey of his life and all its constant up and down motions while under the guise of anonymity. As Spira, Ukai opened up the complexity and conflicting feelings of his inner mind and brought it to fruition through his mixes. He felt that in his soul, he’d done his art of storytelling justice. The audience felt it. Hell, his mom at home probably felt it. Perhaps it was one of the main reasons this dingy, hole-in-the-wall club kept asking him to come back every weekend.

His mind wanders further as he clutches an electronic cigarette in his hand, mixing beats on the turntable while taking hits of nicotine in between. He wonders if the girl he had ran into just a few minutes prior had been frequenting here as often as he had. Then, thinking back to what little information she supplied earlier, Ukai’s mind drifts off to the former third-year setter from when he first started coaching. Sugawara was a nice boy with a firm, almost parental, hand that walked dangerously along the lines of being a partner and being a control freak. When it came to his relationship, things had to go his way. And while his girlfriend that came to every tournament was much more outspoken yet easy going, she was opinionated and didn’t shy from confrontation.

Now that the coach had given it more thought, it was a wonder that one tolerated the other at any point in time. If anything, Ukai imagines the two of them would typically be at each other’s throats. From the few times he had interacted with her, she was always more free spirited and couldn’t be weighed down by any one else’s opinion, but seeing her now was different—she was in her element in the dingy, dark club with the glitter on her cheekbones refracting light off of her face. There was laughter and true, unabashed joy on her face. She had a light of her own—like she was ray of sunshine in the center of a storm.

Three hours past midnight when the club closed was always Keishin’s sign to leave, regardless of the countless attempts to attend the after party he’d been invited to. He had to go to work, after all. Sure, a part of him had always been a little green with envy at all the DJs that got to hook up with club patrons after, but after being at this gig for a few years, he figured that the right girl for him would eventually come to him if he continued working on himself. After all, he didn’t want to just have a string of one night stands with a bunch of fresh adults that could barely function after the small drop of Malibu rum—he was too old for that.

“Uh, coach?” [name] felt strange calling him that, but she didn’t feel familiar enough with him to address him otherwise. He was halfway in his car, the blonde ready to leave for the weekend to go back to his regular day-to-day work. “You coming to the after party?” [name] asks when Keishin only looks at her in question, cigarette hanging betwixt his dry lips.

“No, I actually have to go to work right now.”

“Oh,” she doesn’t mean to express her disappointment, but it slips anyway, “guess I’ll catch you later then?”

“Uh, yeah.” A tight lipped hybrid of a pained grin and grimace crosses her wet, gloss covered lips. Without another word, Ukai closes his car door, a little more brusquely than he intended to, before backing out and leaving the young woman to her own devices. His mind wanders once again with him humming absentmindedly to the soft acoustic punk playing over the car radio. His eyes are focused on the passing greenery, the cars that are weaving and bobbing off the freeway—hell he even noticed the way the tendrils of the sun are just barely starting to peak over the horizon because it reminded him of her. A thought he banishes immediately because he feels creepy for even thinking that.

Yet no matter how much scenery flitted through his honey eyes, his mind keeps traveling back to one thing, or rather one person, only.

Goddammit.

On Monday’s practice, Ukai Keishin’s mind is flooding and drowning in memories of his first year as the volleyball club’s coach. It was as if his mind was coercing him to attempt to reach out to the girl that plagued his mind for the last forty-eight hours or so. Though, he had no way of contacting her. Instead, with every step along the wooden floors, he can remember the way she would walk Suga to practice, almost physically seeing her standing in the doorway to kiss the third-year setter goodbye. As if he could see her sitting underneath the third window from the left, quietly doing homework and exchanging small talk and airy laughter with Kiyoko and Daichi. As if he could see the same sunny smile she gave in the audience from Saturday night at the club between the lines of the woodwork in the floorboards.

It was a repeating pattern day in and day out that was beginning to make Ukai question his sanity.

“Hey, man,” his assistant coach and fellow Karasuno alumni, Tsukishima Akiteru, places a hand on his shoulder and looks at him in worry. “Are you okay? You’ve been out of it all week.” In what world did a week translate into three days, the older blonde coach didn’t know.

“I’m fine, just tired,” Keishin all but bites back. He didn’t want to admit his conscious had been running rampant with thoughts of a girl he’d briefly met at a club. It felt almost as disturbing and perverted as it sounded in his mind.

“The team’s worried about you. Why don’t you take an early weekend and get some rest? We’ll see you back on Monday, yeah?” Normally, Ukai would have vehemently refused. However, his circumstances were far from normal and he was gracious for an assistant coach he trusted wholeheartedly to do the work that needed to be done. And so, Ukai heeded Akiteru’s advice and went home before practice even began on Thursday afternoon.

It was slightly disorienting for him to go home and nap, but he was incredibly thankful for the gift. Waking up just before he was technically supposed to start his shift at the shop, Keishin jumps into a cold shower to bring him to life before heading downstairs. A bellowing yawn passes his lips through his teeth as he starts his evening. Maybe his team was right—he really did need a break. Thankfully, he knew that the second the doors to the Sakanoshita were locked, he was done for the evening and wouldn’t need to reawaken until three the following morning. Just a few more hours until then, he thought.

With it being a slower evening as well, Ukai was able to kick his feet up on the counter as he always did, pull open the newspaper from earlier in the morning and casually flip through. Briefly, he considers giving up one of his four jobs because this was something he missed doing. But consideration aside, he was far too in love with the cash flow and the thought of paying off his mortgage to entertain the thought for long. Maybe one day, he would finally sell the Sakanoshita store or quit helping on the farm—

“You still work here?” Huh. Her voice sounds different when it isn’t drowning under the speakers of a nightclub.

“I do own this place, you know.” Ukai snarks at the woman who’d been consuming his brain for the last week. She looks different without glitter reflecting off of her unreal cheekbones or the heavy layers of foundation and eyeshadow. Even more than before, Keishin definitely recognized [name] now. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Shopping,” she snorts as if it were the most obvious thing, “why else would I be at a store?”

“Dunno, maybe you’re just here to see me.” Ukai responds without skipping a beat, turning the page of the paper to play into his guise that he wasn’t the slightest bit surprised at [name]’s presence.

“Uh...actually...” her voice is quiet, prompting the coach to quirk a brow and fold up the paper he was now pretending to read. It wasn’t like he could focus on anything right now outside of the woman standing before him, spearated only by a thin counter. Without talking again, his brown eyes lock with hers, silently goading for her to continue speaking. “I-I just...I don’t know. It was just really weird to see you at the club and then to find out that you’re Spira on top of that. I haven’t seen anyone from Karasuno since I graduated and—“

“Woah, kid, breathe.” Ukai interrupts her before she can continue spewing word vomit at a hundred miles an hour. “So what if I’m Spira? Though, you better not tell anyone that. My stage name is a secret between us, alright?” For a moment she’s quiet, gears turning in her head. The secrecy didn’t make sense to her because, if anything, he should be proud of the fact that he’s rather well known in the underground electronica scene. Or at least, she was in his stead, because [name] would have been proud of Ukai regardless of whatever occupation he held.

She supposed it came with the territory of having an unrequited crush on the coach years ago, that continued well beyond high school and even university, back when she was still dating Sugawara Koushi. It was the reason she had even bothered to come sit in on his practices and partially the reason she would come to his tournaments and matches. Not that she didn’t want to be supportive of her then-boyfriend—it would have been a fight had she not—but seeing the hot older coach was definitely a bonus in her book. “But why?” She offers, not wanting conversation to end despite her not having actually bought anything.

“If the school ever caught wind of me doing that, I could lose my position as the coach. Some shit about Karasuno’s image or whatever.” [name] gives a small nod, fidgeting subconsciously, as an attempt to shake her nerves and anxiety, by sifting through various candy bars that were in front of her before grabbing her favorite. Without a second thought, she peels the wrapper before placing the candy between her lips, the puffy pink skin greatly contrasting the chocolate coating. “Ya gonna pay for that, kid?” Ukai irks, his honey brown eyes steeling over in irritation. The nickname she’s given hits the final nail on the coffin and seals away [name]’s trepidation. Instead, her own sass comes out to join the fun.

“Nah,” she hums playfully, the chocolate-covered wafer cookie crunching between her teeth. “Quit calling me kid, coach. I’m a lady,” the irony isn’t lost on either of them as she speaks with her mouth full.

“Still a kid, kid. And quit calling me coach, I’m not your damn coach.” The familiar, grumpy attitude of his brings [name] back to the Ukai she knew back in high school. In a mix of nostalgia, warmth washes over her as the haughty tone in his voice sent shivers down her spine like it did a few years back.

“Sure thing, coach,” she teases again before tossing the wrapper of the stolen candy bar into the nearest bin. “You’re at the club tomorrow, right?” The question adds a bit of context and confirmation to Ukai—it seems she knew when Spira was performing, meaning she must have been a patron for a decent amount of time. Part of him wonders how she never realized who he was before, another part wonders how he’s never noticed her considering she could make all traffic stop if she stood in the middle of a freeway. At least, that’s what looking at her did to his heart.

“Yeah?”

“Maybe this time, you’ll join us at the after party.” Without another word, [name] pushes herself away from the counter she’d been leaning on while talking to the blonde man. With Akiteru giving him the weekend off, he actually entertained the thought of attending this time. Even if her invitation was rather blasé and indirect, he didn’t see the opportunity of him attending one presenting itself any time soon. He may be old, by his own standard, but there was a unknown allure to the thought of showing up to a wild party with a woman that was so adamant of his attendance.

Or rather, adamant in his mind. Whether she actually wanted his company remained to be seen, but the curiosity was gnawing at him, and was something he would have to unearth sooner rather than later.

Having an entire night, or a day’s worth, of rest was a rather disorienting, yet pleasant feeling for Ukai. After tending to crops and returning home in the early hours of the morning, the blonde coach was able to catch a solid nine hours of sleep before his shift at the Sakanoshita store with another chance to nap before he needed to head to the club. Despite knowing he had the ability to do so before another restless night, his mind felt the need to keep him awake and alert. Even after showering and styling his blonde tresses into their usual mane—mundane acts that usually came to him automatically—he was hyper aware of the slightest unruly flyaways.

Ukai Keishin was nervous.

He didn’t know what to wear or if there was a dress code or if anything he typically wore would be deemed worthy of an after party. A part of him wanted to leave it alone and let him sport his usual white track pants and tight, maroon muscle tank, but that part of him immediately drowns in the ocean of his anxiety. Another string in his brain prompted him to dress up just a little bit to help him look the part—it had nothing to do with impressing a certain club patron, no—he tried to convince himself. A miserable attempt, but still one nonetheless.

Eventually, he settled on crisp, dark-washed jeans that hugged his muscular legs without being suffocating, paired with a vibrant, crimson muscle tee that hugged his biceps all the same. Ukai still felt a little out of place in the attire, as he often had back when he first assumed the alias Spira, but headed out the door of his apartment before his conscious could dispute it.

He was early again, even more so than normal. Desperate for a drink to calm his nerves and replace his blood with liquid courage, Ukai worms his way around to the bar, signaling the attendant for his usual. Rum and coke in hand, the DJ stands off to the side, hiding like a wallflower, while he studied the sweaty, dancing bodies. Did he know why he was looking for her—no. Maybe partially to tell her she owed him for the candy bar, maybe to tell her he was joining in on the after party this time around.

Maybe to just see her.

Keishin banishes the last thought with a shake of his head before skulking off to the attached patio to smoke. Pulling a cigarette from his pack and a lighter from his pocket, the flame torches the end of the filter at the same time the blonde inhales. Forcefully pushing the smoke out past his lips, Ukai takes a hearty sip of his drink until it’s nearly gone. He was going to need something stronger tonight.

“Is it that time already?” The older man’s head snaps to the voice that had been haunting him subconsciously.

Part of him wishes he didn’t look.

As if to play into her question, [name] checks the large, rose gold watch on her right wrist—an incredibly stark contrast to her outfit for the evening. Maybe it was a hunch when Ukai felt that he had been underdressed, as if his intuition knew that she was going to be dressed to the nines in a black skater dress. Even with a modest neckline, the lace cut out detailing on the sides of the dress accentuated her curves impeccably, playing well with the volume of the skirt, while the open back she was sporting dipped dangerously low.

It took everything in Ukai to not throw every milliliter of restraint and inhibition out the window and fuck her right then and there.

Taking a lengthy drag of his cigarette to hold himself back, Keishin inhales deeply, the smoke billowing past his lips emerging densely and grey in color. “I’m a little early—needed an extra drink today.” The man manages to choke out, downing whatever is left in his little plastic cup for added emphasis.

“Need another?” [name] chirps politely; almost too politely as if to deliberately dispute the salacious thoughts flooding the coaches mind.

“I can get—“

“I owe you anyway,” she reminds him, alluding to the candy bar she had eaten without paying for from the previous night. “Pick your poison.”

“Double rum and coke.” He concedes. [name]’s lips twitch upward slightly at the corner before she plucks the empty cup from Ukai’s hand. He doesn’t miss the way the shellac on her nails grazes against his skin, leaving the whispers of contact to run warm. Immediately, the blonde man uses the nearly dead cigarette between his teeth to light a fresh one—heaven or hell knows he needed the nicotine right now.

Given the silence, Keishin takes the opportunity to absorb his surroundings. From the general direction that [name] initially came from, she wasn’t around any of her friends or really anyone that he knew. That was good at least; there wasn’t anybody else that knew of his presence. [name] returns, two clear plastic cups in her hands and surrenders the darker of the two to the man awaiting. “Hold mine for a sec?” Without thinking, Keishin holds his cigarette between his left index and middle fingers, his drink in the same hand, while taking hers. To his surprise, she pulls out her own pack of menthols and a torch lighter, setting the leaves ablaze before taking her obvious vodka cranberry back.

“You took up smoking?” The older of the two asks in surprise, noting the way her lipstick leaves the slightest bit of residue along the brown filter. [name] gives a shrug.

“Surprised you didn’t notice it sooner, coach. I’ve been smoking since second year.” Ukai gives a roll of his eyes at the use of this strange pet name he’s been dubbed by her. But he thinks about it, thinks about how Suga must have felt probably knowing that she did. Thinks how it just added to this strange, sassy yet happy, wild and free exterior she now had. And [name] notices instantly the very same look Ukai had in his face when he was trying to strategize, trying to figure out a way to navigate a conversation with his team about becoming better—she knows what’s coming next. “Yeah, yeah, I know I should quit or whatever. Suga lost that argument a long time ago.”

“Can’t really tell you what to do when I’m just as guilty.” Ukai gives a laugh—one that is embedded with bitterness and envy at the mention of the third-year setter—yet is just as vivacious as he is. A sound entirely different than she’d ever heard leave his lungs before. She likes it.

After finishing his smoke, Keishin gulps down a hefty swig of his drink before patting [name] on the shoulder before announcing his departure. “I’ll see you inside,” the girl, woman, calls out thoughtfully as she gives a small wave with her cigarette filter between her fingers. Ukai doesn’t verbalize the same sentiment. He doesn’t want to slip up and admit he’ll be looking for her.

But it’s painfully obvious that he is when he takes over the booth. Unable to hide the fact that with every chance that he looks into the audience, he’s searching for that black skater dress that hugs her all too perfectly, [hair color] locks swaying as she moves in the crowd. Ukai can’t hide it at all—not behind the turn table or new remixes meant to get the crowd moving.

He can’t hide the urgency he feels to find her outside in the crisp evening air, smoking on the back patio of the club after his set. [name] is talking and laughing with her friends while thin grey smoke billows from her open mouth before her eyes land on him. Some of her friends take notice to the tension and their shared gazes, some of them whispering his alias in excitement. But [name] just smiles knowingly, if not a little cocky, because she can see that urgency, that desperation, that Ukai was trying to hide. “Wait, [name], do you know Spira?” A bystander asked. Clearly, they weren’t present the last time this was brought up.

“Yeah, I may have met him once or twice,” the woman in question snickers as she strides over closer and closer to the aforementioned DJ.

“Cute,” Ukai sneers teasingly at her jab before instinctively reaching for the half-gone cigarette she pulls to her stained lips. At first, she thought he was going to put it out, considering their little conversation from a few hours ago. Instead, the volleyball coach puts the filter to his own lips, noting the damp fabric probably from her freshly applied lipgloss, and takes a drag. It tasted like watermelons and mint.

“Cheeky,” [name] returns, plucking her cancer stick back from the blonde man. While her friends are still behind her murmuring about the familiarity between the two of them, Keishin and [name] are lost in their own little world. “So since your set is over, and considering you’re still here, I’m assuming you’re joining me for the after party? Or do you have to go to work again?”

“I told them I’d be out of town this weekend,” Ukai tries to play it off as nonchalantly as he could, ties to swallow it down his nerves with rum and nicotine. It proves rather difficult considering the coy smile on [name]’s face is wearing and cracking through his resolve rather quickly. But at least, to him, he could confirm his mind was not playing tricks on him and [name] was just as adamant about his attendance as he initially thought. Even more so with her next statement.

“Cool. Your car or mine?” It took him a minute to process her words even—lust thickening and constricting the flow to his brain at the vague question. Ukai was getting far too ahead of himself, but goddammit how could he focus when the fabric of her skirt hit her mid-thigh and framed her like a Venetian goddess—“I don’t mind driving there.” She adds to coax him away from his silence.

“Nah, I got it. We’ll take mine.”

“Lead the way,” [name] chimes sweetly as she wraps an arm around the coach’s forearm. The physical touch is everything he’s been fantasizing about for the last few days—hellfire and brimstone and sunlight and goddammit why did he wear jeans that were only getting tighter and tighter?

Ukai opens the passenger door to his SUV, supporting the woman as she clambered in cautiously so as not to stumble from her heels. Getting settled in, the coach surrenders his unlocked phone to allow her the entirety of his music library. The irony of the DJ surrendering DJ rights to the passenger was not lost on either of them. Much to his surprise, [name] put on soft acoustic punk as he usually did on his way home from the club. The kind of softness one would turn on to accompany the fragile pitter-patter of rain against the windshield. “Cardboard Swords?” Ukai asks in surprise, more than familiar with the band.

“Flannel is a favorite of mine. I’m kind of surprised it’s in your library.” She adds after she begins directing him to this evening’s party location. From the corner of his eyes, he can see the way her full lips are moving along each word with expertise. He sees the way her [eye color] orbs soften slightly and he can tell this song hits home for her.

She’ll never say why—she’ll never tell him this was the song that helped her move on from Sugawara Koushi while restoring her inner peace.

But Keishin is no fool. He can tell that this is physically hurting her—crushing her soul into the leather seat of his car and, instinctually, he wraps a large hand around hers that’s resting in her lap. “I came out tonight to have fun with you, so don’t you go getting sad on me.” He means each word with innocent intent, yet he cannot ignore the almost hidden, salacious drip to each syllable and neither can she. How could she when his touch sent volts of electricity through her skin?

“Right, right,” she says in a conceding tone, switching the audio to something much more upbeat and a little flirty. “Why did you agree to go out tonight?” If Ukai had an answer, then it died on his lips as he let go of [name]’s hand to reach for another cigarette. The process of lighting the tube, inhaling, and exhaling bought him an extra minute to come up with an excuse; her doing the same giving him another thirty seconds.

“I don’t know.” It’s a blatant lie—a lie that [name] believes all too easily—but Ukai can’t bring himself to admit the truth. He can’t admit out loud that she’s the only thing that’s been on his mind all week or that he jumped at the opportunity, created one even, to be able to have a one-on-one moment with her. Keishin can’t admit that he can tell there are intricate webs spun in her mind and that all he wants to do is untangle them one by one.

And he certainly can’t tell her that even the mere sight of her sends his brain into overdrive and all he wants to do is repeatedly fill her over and over with his seed until she is entirely his, inside and out in mind, body, and soul. There was no way in the nine circles of hell that Ukai Keishin was going to admit to his sinful thoughts.

“It’s just up here.” [name] points with gaunt fingers, cigarette between them as her voice is half choked from inhaling her own smoke. Mirroring the man’s actions earlier, she indulged in her own nicotine habit to quell the budding disappointment from Ukai’s lackluster response. They drove up a slight winding hill and as the trees pass by, the itch for her truth and her history was gnawing at him. He wanted to know why this rambunctious party girl invited him all week to these elusive after parties. Why Flannel ate away at her insides like it did his. Why did her and Sugawara breakup?

But he decides against it for the moment.

“Where are we?” Ukai asks. There’s cars all lining the sides of the road of varying worth—he felt even more out of place than normal with his older SUV, even if it was an upgrade for him, considering the large number of luxury vehicles.

“Bevelle’s house.” [name] says simply, pointing to an empty space in the streets as she throws the butt of her cigarette into the road. The casual way she name drops the owner of the club makes him gawk, catching flies in his mouth had there been any at the hour. With a satisfied, cheesy grin, she hops out of her seat and walks in the grass to meet Ukai on the other side as he clambers out of the vehicle as well. In familiarity, she grips into his forearm once again as they walk towards the forest mansion.

Keishin wasn’t sure what to expect when the two of them walked in, but a home full of people screaming his pseudonym and her name was not on that list. Younger hordes had surrounded [name], greeting her warmly and telling her how glad they were to see her again for the evening. Others were approaching Ukai, telling them how rare and a momentous occasion that the infamous artist Spira was amongst their midst.

“Glad to see you could join us, Spira.” His boss and club owner, Bevelle, approaches the mismatched couple. Bevelle was an alias used by the middle aged woman, her real name unknown to those that didn’t know her know her, and was once upon a time her stage name. While she had chosen a quiet location in the Miyagi prefecture, Bevelle was quite known in the underground scene. Granted, Ukai didn’t know any of that when he’d taken the job. If anything, it was all thanks to her that he was able to learn for his own success as well as granting him the opportunity to learn in the first place. “Good to see you too, trouble.” Bevelle affectionately goes to muss at [name]’s hair, to which she only replies with a cheeky grin.

“How do you know Bevelle?” Ukai presses his lips towards the ear of the woman still hanging onto him as she expertly leads the way to the kitchen. The car ride left her feeling slightly uncomfortable, ashamed even though she would never admit to that, and she knew she definitely needed a drink after it. Part of her was heavily rebuking herself for trying to pry into his mind by asking why he came along, even more so when she put on the one song that shattered her heart every time she heard it. It just excited her that he had it in his library, that he even knew who The Cardboard Swords were, and that he enjoyed the same obscure taste in music as much as she did.

“She’s a close family friend!” The chirp that [name] gives isn’t entirely convincing, like she isn’t telling the truth. Regardless, Ukai washes down his doubt with the beer he was handed, figuring she probably had her reasons. And as soon as the plastic is in each of their hands, [name] downs the contents immediately, hoping to drown out the nerves ebbing from her stomach with vodka. She should have been ecstatic—her old high school crush, her unrequited crush, was here with her, drinking side by side but she can’t help but feel the tension between them—sexual or otherwise.

Just as the two of them down their second round, a piercing voice cuts through the thicket of the masses, calling out her name and capturing her attention. “It’s your song! Come on!” A shrug and a smile crosses [name]’s features as she’s all but dragged away to a different part of the mansion. Much to his surprise, she grabbed onto Keishin to drag him along as well.

The two of them are presented with a myriad of sweaty, rolling bodies—much more gone than Ukai had ever seen at the club itself. It was oddly...sensual, if it could be called that, to see the fluid movements between party goers. Sensual, intimate, strange—all of them could be used interchangeably at this moment.

[name] is dancing with another woman, mouthing all of the words to the current pop song while bobbing and jumping around excitedly before her eyes lock on his. She’s in her element now. All sunshine and smiles like Ukai had seen from on occasion from years ago or most recently at the club, but they’re directed at him for once as she pulls him closer onto the dance floor. The taunting beats and repetitive call of “come on” and the way [name] loosely wraps her arms around his neck as she dances brings Ukai to the realization that this was the end of the line.

The end of the line, because Keishin can’t hold himself back anymore.

Not with the way her hips are grinding against is and she’s laughing warmly and heartily at his slight discomfort and her teeth are glittering off the lights in the dark room like stars in the night sky. Not with the way her head is thrown back and her dress drops low enough to flaunt the expanse of bare skin of her neck and collar bones that are just begging him to sink his teeth in. Not with the way her [eye color]ed orbs are locked with his as she sings along with the music, oddly enough alluding to some form of confession of her feelings.

He can’t fucking take it anymore.

The large hands he has on her hips move just under her arms to hoist her up, [name] instinctively wrapping her legs around his waist to keep her balance. Their eyes are locked, honed in on each other with the rest of the party melting into the background. With her deepest, most wild high school fantasy driving her actions, she grins. “Hi,” is all she says before Ukai cranes his neck back to cover her lips with his.

His kiss is everything she imagined it would be after years of pining. The smell and taste of smoke and wood floods her senses as his tongue laps at the watermelon lip gloss on her bottom lip before seeking refuge within her mouth. His hands, now wrapped around her thighs give intermittent squeezes, either to keep them grounded in reality or just because he needs something to clutch at—she’s unsure of which. In response, her manicured fingernails tangle into his messy blonde locks. Their kiss pours out their desperation, laying it all out on the table for the both of them to see clear as day.

The only thing that prompts them to break apart is the ending of the song.

“You wanna get out of here?” Ukai asks as he tenderly puts [name] back on the ground. As if he weren’t just making out with her moments ago, the motion is delicate and gingerly and almost loving.

“Not yet,” there’s a knowing, smug lilt in her voice as she turns on her heel and throw herself back into the throng of party people. Or rather, attempts. While she’s attempting to flee, Keishin snatches her wrist, pulling her closer until their chests are flush against each other.

“Nuh uh,” the blonde man tuts, “you’ve been asking me to join you at a party all week, now here I am. The hell makes you think you’re leaving my side tonight?” [name]’s grin only grows wider.

“I’ve waited for years for this opportunity, coach, so if you think I’m not gonna have fun with it, you’re dead wrong.” The word ‘years’ constricts the man’s heart—forces his pupils to blow into dilation with her modest, yet blunt confession.

“Years?”

“Years,” she repeats, “ever since that first practice you stumbled into the Karasuno gym as the temporary coach. Why do you think I came to every single exhibition match and tournament? Or came to study and do homework while you guys had practice?” This girl was grinding at every steel line of self-control that was left in Ukai’s body because every word spilling past her lips added an additional ten volts to the sexual tension between them.

“We’re leaving.” He bites out despite the delicate tone. Wrapping his hand around hers once again, Keishin tugs her along time dodge the party goers that threw the two of them curious glances, wondering why they were quick to leave shortly after their arrival. Just to tease him further, [name] almost wants to offer a rebuttal and tell him that they should stay longer and enjoy the show. However, she knows she’s done enough waiting and if he was taking her home, she wasn’t going to argue.

While urgency and desperation was their game, Keishin didn’t cut corners when it came to presenting himself as a gentleman as he helped [name] back into the car. Hormones be damned—he was still going to help a lady into the passengers seat. “You never did tell me why you finally agreed to come out tonight.” She says quietly, as if the two of them hadn’t been making out and dry humping a few minutes prior. “And it’s clearly not because you knew I had a crush on you all throughout third year—“

“Don’t act like you’re the only one with feelings in this.” Ukai grits out, speeding much faster back home than he did on the way to Bevelle’s house. Paying that no mind, [name]’s ears perk up at his own wayward confession. When she asked for clarity, a rumbling groan shakes his chest as he patted down his pockets in search for his nicotine sticks. “I didn’t recognize you the first night at the club because you look different now. Happiness looks good on you.”

“Happiness?” She echos confusedly, turning to face Ukai fully after lighting her own cigarette.

“You used to always look content back then—just barely content and nothing more. And I can’t stop thinking back to those days because you’re this ball of sunshine, kid, and I can’t stop wondering what the hell Suga did to you to dim your shine that badly. I haven’t stopped thinking about you all week.”

[name] is quiet for a moment at his own rendition, his own version, of a confession and she’s stunned. And she can’t tell if she wants to cry or kiss him because this is not that way she ever fantasized this conversation going. It was going better than she dreamed. Better, because the words that Ukai is saying adds an entirely new layer to his amped up personality—he wasn’t just the sexy volleyball coach that she used to pine over. He was a person with deep rooted feelings for justice in the sense of wanting to understand how someone could inflict damage to the innocent and he wanted to rectify said injustices. He wanted to know how someone like Suga could try to dampen her sunlight instead of allowing her to thrive and bloom.

She wants to kiss him, she decides, but since he’s driving, she settles for placing a chaste one on the corner of his mouth. “Serves you right,” she jokes when she pulls away, “it’s been a long four years for me. It’s your turn to suffer.”

“Trust me, this car ride is torture enough.”

[ next ]

[iliveiloveiwrite]

Stormy weather

A/N: THE LONGEST FIC I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. As I was writing it, I started to hate the reader lmao so I'm hoping I have redeemed them. I am hoping it flows as you read, that you can see the change in time without having to add ‘time skip’. I hope you enjoy! If you would like to be added to a taglist, let me know, I’ll happily create one! Please like and/or reblog.

Title: Emmy Raver-Lampman - Stormy Weather (originally sung by Etta James)

Pairing: Young!Sirius Black x Reader

Summary: You didn’t realise that a change in seating plan could lead to this.

Requested: Nope

Warnings: some angst, some fluff, some swearing 

Word count: 4.1k

You felt silly – no, you felt stupid.

Two years… two years you had managed to keep your love for Sirius Black quiet. He barely even noticed you on a good day; you hadn’t known where these feelings had come from, yet they were very much present. It had all started when the class had been assigned a seating plan; the teacher had moved you and Black together so there was no choice on his end – he had to talk to you if there was pair work set, and there nearly always was.

There was no reason for you to socialise. You were in the same house, but he had the Marauders, and you had yours. Sirius Black was known amongst the girls of Hogwarts for being ridiculously attractive but also as a notorious flirt – it was your luck that you had a crush on the one boy who would never wholly be yours. There was the occasional overlap when it came to parties in the common room which you rarely attended but for the most part, a word had never been spoke between the two of you until this class.

At the end of the lesson, you were packing away your things, very much glad that you had a free period next so you could try and get ahead on the homework that was beginning to pile up. It looked as if you free periods and your evenings would be spent in the library trying to keep on top of the workload that accompanied an exam year.

A quiet voice next you pulls you out of the routine of packing away, “(Y/N)?”

You turn to Sirius, “Yes?”

He smiles politely at you, “Would you be able to help me with what we’ve covered? I’m struggling slightly in this subject.”

You raise your eyebrows at him in surprise. He may be a prankster, and doesn’t necessarily take everything seriously, but nobody could deny that Sirius Black wasn’t smart. All of the Marauders were.

“Really? You want me to help you?”

He chuckles, “Yes. I’m not completely understanding the context for wizard involvement within the Great Muggle War.”

You nod, “Sure, I’ll help you. When are you next free? We could meet at the library?”

“I’m free now, actually. If you have time, that is?”

“So am I. Let’s head to the library now, I know some good books that can help us.”

Sirius starts to pack his things away while you wait for him. You sigh inwardly, the pile of homework is going to get bigger, but you knew that you wouldn’t be able to deny Sirius. He’s too handsome, and your feelings definitely get in the way.

“Are you ready?” Sirius asks.

“I am. Let’s go read about Muggle wars!” You cheer.

Sirius laughs loudly. You walk together to the library, talking aimlessly to each other. By the time you arrive at the Library, Sirius has you breathless from laughter as he recalls one of the many adventures of the Marauders. From the minute you enter the Library, you know that there is an extremely high chance of you being shushed by Madam Pince.

Steering Sirius towards the right section, you start to whisper about the causes of the First Muggle War. “It had been brewing for a while, there were tensions between the countries surrounding growing militaries and navies, growing empires and such.”

“How does that relate to the wizarding world?”

“The minute war broke out, the Minster for Magic had to be alerted. Archer Evermonde passed a piece of legislation that forbade wizards from fighting in the war. It was a key moment in wizarding history. However, he Minister had to understand that regardless of what he decided, wizards would volunteer, look at Theseus Scamander.”

Sirius opens his mouth to ask another question, but he is interrupted by the rest of the Marauders.

“Padfoot! We wondered where you had gotten to!” James shouts, earning a hush from Madam Pince.

“You’ve found me.”

“Padfoot?” You ask, raising an eyebrow in question.

“My nickname.” Sirius explains.

The rest of the Marauders had joined you at table you shared with Sirius, their eyes looking over the reading material sprawled across it.

“We didn’t know you were struggling with this, Sirius. We could have helped you; you didn’t need to bother poor (Y/N) here.”

“It’s not a bother!” You almost shout, a little too quickly, all attention is now on you and you can feel the tell-tale blush make its way to your cheeks, “I mean,” you start, trying again, “it isn’t a bother at all. I love this topic, wizard involvement within both Muggle world wars interests me, I could talk about it all day. Sirius wasn’t being a bother at all asking me for help.”

Both James and Remus lift an eyebrow each at your explanation. They can completely sense your feelings for Sirius, and you want to slide under the table right about now, your heart going ten to the dozen.

Sirius chuckles, “You see, I’m not being a bother at all. You two are though, bugger off.”

Remus laughs at him, “Okay, okay. James, come on, let’s leave them too it.”

Remus pats James on the shoulder, they both start to depart with a goodbye to both Sirius and you.

Your heart rate has started to settle down, but then Sirius smiles at you and it kicks back into action again.

“Where were we?” He asks.

Checking your watch, you utter, “I’m sorry, I’ve got to go. I’ve got potions with Slughorn and I really don’t want to be late.”

Sirius nods, understanding. “Of course, can we meet again though? I like studying with you, you’re a really good teacher.”

You blush harder, if that’s even possible. “Thank you, Sirius, that means a lot. How about tomorrow evening in the common room?”

“That sounds great, see you there.”

Gathering your things, you wave a final goodbye to Sirius before heading to Potions. You would be brewing Liquid Luck today and you needed to focus, however your mind kept drifting back to Sirius. You felt like a teenager with her first crush, it seemed like Sirius had taken up your entire mind, the butterflies in your stomach fluttered every time you thought of the study session tomorrow evening. Twice, Slughorn had to pull your attention back to the class, it looked like when Sirius was on your mind, your mind went to goo.

The following day passed by slowly as if it knew that you had something to look forward to. Classes dragged and more than one teacher had to bring your attention back to the class since your mind had wandered off to what could possibly happen that evening.

You had seen Sirius once all day; at lunch where he waved at you from his place further down the table where he sat with the Marauders. “Are we still on for this evening, (Y/N)?”, he had shouted causing multiple heads to turn towards you.

You blushed deeply, “We are! I’ll see you this evening, Sirius.”

He smiled widely at your answer and threw a thumbs up before leaving the Great Hall with the Marauders.

That had been hours ago, and you were finally in your last class of the day. You were never normally eager to leave a lesson, but you had fallen into your feelings for Sirius and well, you wanted to see him even if he didn’t feel the same way as you.

Finally dismissed, you practically sprinted to your common room so you could change into comfortable clothes and grab the books you thought you may need.

You meet Sirius at a table in the corner of the common room; an intimate choice you note with the warmth of the fire wrapping you in a bubble. You also notice the rest of the Marauders not too far away, watching with eager arms – both James and Remus wiggle their eyebrows at Sirius.

“Okay,” You start, sitting down. “Where did we get to yesterday?”

Sirius beams at you, and you begin to study.

Two hours you sat there; studying for the first part of it, talking for the second part. Both of you had sat there and talked about anything and everything – Sirius asking question after question on you and your family; what were they like? Did you have siblings? All sorts was asked, and you didn’t mind opening up to him. You knew better than to ask about his family, it wasn’t a secret that he had run away from home and was living with James. However, you did ask him about his friends – what they did, how did they come to know one another.

Conversation flowed between the two of you until you couldn’t stop yawning. You decided then that it was time to wrap things up.

“I’ve really enjoyed myself tonight, Sirius.”

He quickly agrees, adding “I feel I understand the Great Muggle War a lot better now.”

“Good, I’m glad.” You answer, tidying up your books and notes.

Sirius grabs your hand, squeezes it gently before he brings it up to his lips and presses a small kiss to the back of it. Again, you’ve been reduced speechless and blushing by the teenager in front of you – you needed to do something about that.

“Goodnight, Sirius. I’m sure I’ll see you at some point tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, (Y/N). See you tomorrow.”

You pull your hand from his, and before your judgement can get the better of you, you place a lingering kiss to his cheek.

As you head back to your dormitory, you don’t see Sirius press his hand to his cheek in disbelief. His cheeks aflame with the mere touch of your lips to his skin.

Time with Sirius simply flew by. You didn’t realise how quick time passed when you were with him until you were rushing to class in the hopes of not being late. Sirius seemed to occupy your mind and your time; he could be a distraction, but you always managed to get some work done, and he helped you with topics you weren’t entirely confident on. The both of you had grown closer to the other, you had started spending time with all of the Marauders, but you were with Sirius for the majority of the time. It did nothing to help your feelings for him; they simply grew until you were fairly certain you were in love with him. At least, that what your dorm mates told you, they had pointed out how obvious it was that you both had feelings for each other and whilst you had confirmed yours to them, you believed that Sirius did not feel the same way, that he simply saw you as a good friend and study partner.

It is through one of your study sessions when Sirius interrupts your speech about wizarding society in the inter-war years focusing on the adventures of Newt Scamander and the publication of his book. He didn’t like to interrupt you, because not only did he not understand this aspect of the subject, but you got so animated and passionate that it brought out a side of you he adored, but he really needed to ask you something.

“Look, we’re throwing a party in the common room this Friday night. Will you come?”

“You’re inviting me to a party?”

“I am. Will you come?”

“I think I will.”

Sirius smiles at you, knocking you slightly breathless. Then he kisses you the cheek and you’re pretty certain that you’ve died now because his lips made contact with your skin and your heartrate hit the sky.

“Good, I’ll see you there.”

“You’ll see me beforehand, but yes you’ll see me there.” You whisper, too breathless to try to speak normally.

Friday came too quickly for your liking; you hadn’t even picked out an outfit which had led to your latest predicament - your entire wardrobe spread across the whole dormitory. It didn’t matter what your dorm mates said, you couldn’t find anything to wear and you were starting to feel like a stereotype in a bad film.

“Okay, that’s it. I’m calling it – I’m going to pick what you’re wearing and you’re going to deal with it.” Your dorm mate, Jenny states as she places her hand on the small of your back and guides you to your bed.

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve known you for what? Five/six years? I’m sure, now hush and let me work.”

You’re silent as Jenny goes through your wardrobe, placing item against item seeing what goes together.

“You must really like him.” Jenny murmurs.

“I really do. It honestly started as a little crush because he was pleasing to the eyes, and now that I’ve gotten to know him… well I’m worried that this could be it for me. That one great love all your books go on about.”

Jenny throws a blouse in your face, “You love those books, don’t hate on them.”

You laugh at her, feeling more at ease now than you had felt all day.

“Here you go, wear these and if he doesn’t kiss you by the end of the night, then I’ll hurl my romance books out of the astronomy tower.”

“I’ll hold you to that, I hope you know.”

She presses a kiss to your cheek, “I know, now get changed, I’m going to sort out my makeup.”

You change into the clothes that Jenny had chosen for you; figure hugging maroon flares that you didn’t realise you owned, with an airy white blouse that when tied at the front, showed enough of your stomach to not make you entirely self-conscious.  

When Jenny returns from the bathroom, she wolf-whistles and you contemplate throwing a show at her. She links her arms with yours and you head down to the common room, where you can hear music start to play.

You didn’t know parties would be so warm; it explained why so many got drunk at these things. Not just for pleasure, but to also cool down. Sirius had met you not long after you entered the common room, he kissed your cheek and complimented your outfit. You had thanked him, blushing all the while. You had wondered when you were going to get a grip in such things.

Music was playing, drinks were flowing, and you were enjoying yourself. You found yourself dancing with Jenny more often than not. You had danced with Sirius a couple of times, but he kept getting pulled away somewhere else. You had to admit it annoyed you, but he was the one throwing the party.

Deciding that you had had enough of dancing, you head back to the drinks table and grab yourself a drink that was definitely more alcohol than mixer. Jenny sidles up next to you, shouting over the music, “I think you’ve caught his attention.”

You grin widely, the alcohol taking over “Do you think?”

She nods, “He hasn’t been able to take his eyes off you all night.”

You feel giddy, elated. “I really like him.”

Jenny nods, “I know you do. He’s coming this way though, so maybe tell him, and not me.”

Jenny takes you by the shoulders and turns you around to face Sirius from where he’s walking across the common room to you. Jenny is still holding your shoulders when Sirius’ attention is pulled away from you and onto another girl. Jenny is also there when Sirius and the mystery girl start to kiss.

The breath is knocked out of you, Jenny’s hands slip from your shoulders, and you make your escape. Only just managing to get to your dorm room before starting to sob mercilessly.

Sirius pulls away from the girl immediately. His eyes search the room for you, but he can’t place you. He does find you friend Jenny watching him from the drinks table.

“Where is (Y/N)?”

“She left, Sirius.”

“Why? What happened? Is she okay?”

“I don’t think she is; she saw you kiss that girl.”

“Shit.”

“Shit indeed, Mr Black.”

“I didn’t kiss her, she kissed me.”

Jenny places a hand on Sirius’ arm, “It isn’t me you need to tell that to. She really likes you; I have never seen her this way about a boy before. Please be kind.”

“I will. I really like her as well, I’ve never felt this way about a girl, the last thing I want to do is screw this up.”

“I’m going to go check on her, I’ll see you later Sirius.”

Jenny leaves, while Sirius stands at the drinks table, planning out what he needs to do.

The rest of the night passes in a blur of tears; Jenny is there holding you through it, offering tissues and dramatic retellings of her romance books. Sirius tries to talk to you, but Jenny goes to the door, telling him it would be best to let the alcohol wear off and speak with sober minds. He understands, and he leaves.

The week after the party is emotional hell. All you want to do is fall back into your routine from before and sit with Sirius, but you simply couldn’t. he had cornered you in the common room one evening, “I need to talk to you, (Y/N).”

You whisper, “I know.”

“Please let me talk to you,” Sirius whisper, his voice breaking, a hand partly raised as if he wants nothing more than to grab your hand and keep you there.

You draw back, “Not yet, I need a little more time.”

He nods, the hope that had been flickering in his eyes dimmed slightly. He moves to one side, letting you pass. His heart breaking that little bit more with each step you took away from him.

You were dreading class; it would be an awful class; not the subject matter but the tension between you and Sirius. It had been more than a week since you had a proper conversation, since you had properly enjoyed his company without a worry. He had tried to catch your attention on several occasions, but you just weren’t ready – Jenny had fought for him, stating the plain fact that you would have to face him sooner instead of later.

Conversation in class is attempted on his end, but all you can see as you look at him is him kissing that girl. The class passes by slowly, your need to speak to your Professor increasing. You almost shout in glee when she dismisses the class. You do not miss how quickly Sirius gathers his things and leaves.  

“Professor?”

“Yes (Y/N)? What can I help you with?”

“Why did you sit me next to Sirius?”

“What do you mean? Are you not happy with your assigned seat?”

“Yes, and no.”

Your Professor nods, “I see what’s going on here. Sirius asked me to change the seating plan a few weeks ago.”

Your mouth drops open in shock, “He asked you to do what?”

“He asked me change the seating plan – he asked to be sat next to you. He argued that it was because you would be a good influence on him, and I agreed, but you could also tell that he harbours some feelings for you.”

You stay silent at your Professor’s words. She nods, “I understand now, his feelings are returned, I see. This is interesting.”

“Thank you Professor for letting me know.” You gather your books and bag, ready to go. You needed to have a conversation with Sirius, and you needed to have it now.

“No problem, (Y/N). Hope everything works out.”

“Thank you,” You rush, “I hope so too.”

You run back to the common room; hoping to catch Sirius there. As luck would have it, upon your entering the common room, you catch sight of the messy-haired teenager, sitting on his own by the fire. He looks up as you enter, as if he knew that it would be you to enter through the portrait. He averts his eyes quickly though, and it hurts. It hurts you because you feel utterly to blame for the breakdown in relations between Sirius and yourself; he had started to open up to you, become comfortable with you and you drew away, and left him hanging. It seems you hadn’t just broken your own heart.

“Sirius?” You murmur, walking over to the boy who has had your heart for two years.

He doesn’t answer, but he doesn’t leave either. There’s a million things running around in his head – you hurt him by pulling away, by avoiding him. You never gave him a chance to explain what happened at the party; that he didn’t kiss that girl, that the minute she had kissed him, he pushed her off and started to look for you. Only to find out from your friend that you had left, that you had seen what had happened.

“Sirius, I came to apologise. I’ve been a bit of a bitch if I’m honest.”

His head whips around to you, his grey eyes now focused solely on you. “What?”

Fiddling with your fingers, you say “I came to apologise. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, I shouldn’t have pulled away. You have these walls and when you’re with the Marauders, they’re down and they had started to come down with me and you were beginning to open up and then everything happened. At the party, when I saw you kissing that girl, I just lost it. Sirius, you have to understand, I have had feelings for you for a long while now and seeing you kissing that girl when we had grown so close, I got jealous and I got upset. You have a reputation, Sirius, and I thought that you would only ever see me as a friend, as someone to help you with schoolwork. I didn’t even let you explain your side of the story. I spoke to Professor just now to ask why she had sat us next to each other, and she had told me you asked to be moved to be next to me, and everything clicked into place. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you the way I did though, and I am so sorry.”  

Sirius is silent for a few minutes; taking in everything that you’ve just thrown at him. You sit down next to him on the couch and watch the fire.

His voice is hoarse when he starts to speak, “I do have a reputation, but since spending time with you, I have only wanted to be with you. I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me, that’s what happened. I was on my way to find you, to speak to you when she pulled me to her and kissed me. I pulled away immediately, I didn’t want her, I wanted you, I wanted to kiss you. Once I had gotten over to you, your friend Jenny had told me you left and that you had seen what happened. When I got to your dormitory and you wouldn’t answer me, I thought I’d talk to you in class, but you ignored me. When you did talk to me, it was so formal, I thought we had moved past that. It hurt, I feel silly for confessing it, but it hurt. I’ve got feelings for you too, and to see you revert to what we were like before, I was crushed.”

“I am so sorry, Sirius.” Your voice breaks on his name, your eyes shining with unshed tears.

“I’m sorry too. I feel like we could have avoided everything if we simply spoke to each other.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. However, that girl who kissed you without permission has a well-fashioned hex coming her way.” You frown, not happy with the idea of someone forcing themselves onto Sirius.

“Now that is something I would pay to see.”

“Can you forgive me, Sirius?”

He looks at you startled, “What?”

“I’ve been a fool, a complete fool.”

“As long as you’re my fool.”

You laugh through the tears that are now falling freely. Sirius pulls you to him, places his hands on either side of your face, his thumbs brushing away the tears. You place your hand on top of his, keeping it pressed to your cheek.

“Sirius, I’m not sure if you know this, but I’m about 99% sure I’m in love with you.”

He smiles down at you, a blinding smile. “I’m not sure if you’re aware, but I feel the same.”

“What do you say? Shall we try doing this the right way?”

“I really like the sound of that.”

“I do too.”

Sirius dips his head, and his lips are pressed to yours. You fit together seamlessly. If you could bear the stormy weather, you could bear it all.

[slasherkisss]

i cant tell if my nathan wallace request got deleted by the tumblr gods or not because i dont even remember what it was (thanks dissociation!) :( got anything for him? cause if not, can i get some of him with an s/o who's in the same line of work but he has no idea until they cross paths and realise its one another thanks im a loser

[IT DID TY FOR RESENDING IT BECAUSE I LIVE FOR WRITING NATHAN]

Nathan tries so hard to keep his work life and his private life separate to the point of near blindness to clues that point to them entwining

He doesn’t notice when you sneak off on some nights, kissing him and mumbling something about work or sneaking out in the night and coming home smelling faintly of copper (he thinks its himself)

That combined with the very mild memory loss and near split personality like The Repo Man - well - it’s kind of obvious he doesn’t really notice

You, likewise, have had an inkling but believe Nathan to be an honest man. He’d tell you what his line of work was if he was doing something. He’s just a doctor!

Right?

It doesn’t matter

The both of you are on a job one day, requiring two repo-men not because it was HARD but because it was such a large one. 

A group of ravers, all whose organs expired, and Rotti thought it easiest to mow them down in one go. Lock them in the warehouse they had set up in and slaughter them like animals

The event was insane, and you and Nathan were focused hard on your jobs, your mutual distrust of another one of your kind warranted and respected as the two of you worked

That was until someone, in a desperate keen for self defense, hit you upside the head hard enough to knock your helmet off.

“SON OF A BITCH.” You growled in anger, your voice familiar without the muffled headgear, and Nathan froze.

His eyes widened as he turned to see you, bleeding from your head and glaring as you tried to find your mask.

Oh. Oh no.

He was over you in an instant, protect you from the next swing of the same scared city goer. You watched the other Repo Man bash the man’s skull in and you were thankful it wasn’t the brain you were due to take from that specific person.

When the carnage was done and you managed to slide your helmet back on, Nathan stopped you

You glared at him with distrust, struggling against his grip

“Y/N...” A familiar, muffled voice whispered and your blood ran cold 

When Nathan slid his own helmet off to reveal his sweat ridden face, eyes wide in surprise just like yours, the two of you simply stood there silently among the pile of corpses you were due to gather

“... Fuck.” You gasped out, making Nathan’s brow furrow

“Language, dearest,” He murmured as a bloodied hand reached out to rub familiarly at your cheek, making you exhale with a faux pout, “It seems we have... a lot to talk about with one another.”

You were a bit hurt he would hide something like this from you, but you weren’t one to reprimand him for it. You were doing the same thing.

Instead you nodded

“It seems we do.” 

He’s still careful with you when you go to ‘work’ and his kisses are a bit needier. His touches lingering and desperate. He will try to talk you out of your work. If you refuse, he may even get angry but he knows its a job that’s hard to free yourself from.

He knows Rotti would pit you against one another if he knew, too, so he stays quiet. He pretends he never found out. For your safety alone

[nobody-wants-ice-cream]

Everything Wrong With The Umbrella Academy. Episode 6, The Day That Wasn’t.

We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals

Run Boy Run

Extra Ordinary

Man on the Moon

Number Five

Disclaimer: This is all in good fun! I wanted to do a really nitpicky re-watch of the series and found some really cool and interesting things I didn’t notice before. This is meant to have a Cinema Sins-esque tone. However, I did take off a lot more sins than Cinema Sins would have because I do genuinely like the series and the people that made it possible. So all of the good things got one sin off and all the bad things got one sin added. This is a really long post, so grab some popcorn. If there’s anything that I missed, feel free to add it!

I would also like to add that normally you wouldn’t watch a show this way. I am purposefully looking for mistakes, easter eggs, and other things that we’re not supposed to notice. I am watching not with the goal of entertainment, but for analysis. So most of the things that I sin, I am seeing for the first time.

Also, no I can’t do better. I am in no way qualified to give this level of criticism about anything. 

[Today we got the s2 release date!! I am so excited. To answer any questions about that, I will probably do a season 2 version of this a year after it comes out. Since some of my sins involve fandom and any fic tropes/theories we might come up with, I want to make sure that has time to happen.]

The Day that Wasn’t 

Only Dave notices Klaus coming to Vietnam via briefcase. The flashing blue lights and loud “oof!” isn’t loud enough to wake anyone else up. +1

Cody Ray Thompson’s workout routine. -1

“Katz” isn’t a fandom thing! The dude that is yelling at all the soldiers and Klaus to get ready (some sort of commanding officer?) calls Dave “Katz”! -1

Klaus is so confused that he just puts the pants on without really questioning it. What the fuck was going on in Klaus’s head? +1

Where is Ben? +1

Right where I’m paused Klaus’s face is hilarious. “It was at this moment Klaus knew. He fucked up” -1

The Power of Boners is what keeps Klaus in the fucking Vietnam War. +1

For all future Dave sins, I am calling it The Power of Boners because Dave gets one line. As soon as the show corrects this and shows us why Dave was so wonderful, these remain sins. Sin for the show for not providing more Dave content. +1

Overly saturated forigen country cliche. +1

Seriously, why is Vietnam so orange? +1

The Doors. -1

This one shot in the foreground of the girl with white boots. I want those boots so badly. Costume people, where did you get them? Sin until I know, damnit! +1

Cool white boots are cool. -1

Klaus’s dance moves. -1

Klave. -1

Scene does not contain a lap dance. +1

Or any other indication that Dave and Klaus didn’t just make out once and decided to remain friends. Please give me more Klave content show. If anything, just to flesh out this character who motivates Klaus for half of the season. +1

Luther barges in on people in the bathroom. He has six siblings! Anyone with at least one sibling knows that barging in on people in bathrooms is a shitty move. Heh, shitty move, bathroom, get it? +1

Klaus’s face when Luther deadpans “the world’s ending in three days”. It’s the face of someone who completely forgot about that since he’s been in the 60s for ten months. -1

Also, the way Luther tells Klaus “the world’s ending in three days” is the same way I might tell my brother that it’s time for dinner. +1

“Five’s a little- [coo coo whistle]” Emmy Raver-Lampman kills this line. -1

Luther’s face when Allison asks “what did Five even see?” brings me so much joy. That is the look of complete panic. Love that. -1

Luther can’t lie for shit. Checks out. -1

Anyone with siblings can relate to Diego, Allison, and Klaus’s reaction to this bull. -1

The dramatic music leading into the little “we died” followed by a sip of coffee. Priceless. -1

Title umbrella scares the shit out of Klaus! -1

Comic power foreshadowing? Sin until we get answers. +1

Foreshadowing that Five is in HQ by sending orders that don’t follow the same format as the rest of the ones on the shoe. Fiveshaddowing? -1

Kate Walsh plays an excellent villain. Part of that evil demeanor is getting all up in Five’s personal bubble. This is the closest Five has been to someone in the entire show without any injury or being drunk. -1

The Handler is creepy. +2

Five makes demands after setting foot in the building for less than one minute. +1

The masks from the comics are on the wall in the briefcase room. -1

Based on the two agents we see in the briefcase room and Hazel and Cha Cha, the uniform of the commission assassin is a blue suit, yet all of Five’s are grey or black like management. Inconsistency. +1

Typewriters. I hate those things. +1

I think Aidan Gallagher forgot what he was doing in this scene. His expression doesn’t look like Five, it looks like some kid who is letting a math lecture wash over them. You could make the argument that Five is sort of letting this wash over him too, but I would call bullshit. Five knows how dangerous of a situation he’s in right now. He shouldn’t look this calm. +1

The Handler touching Five’s face. +3

Dot has the “i’m in danger” expression when meeting Five because Dot let Five live in hell for 45 years. Five also looks like he wants to kill her. Great acting, Patrice Goodman. -1

Five’s expression when Dot says “No hard feelings” brings me so much joy. And fear. -1

The Handler makes Five the teacher’s pet on his first day by calling him leadership material in front of his new coworkers. +1

Kate Walsh was temporarily directed by Tim Burton for this scene. +1

That weird look one of the commission management people gives Five once Five sits down and starts working. I don’t like it, I don’t like it! +1

The Hargreeves mansion looks really fucking chaotic on the roof. I don’t like it. +1

Leonard’s face at finally being allowed inside the Hargreeves mansion. Just the right dose of satisfied and creepy. Well done, John Magaro. -1

Leonard is raising so many red flags that he may as well be a stop sign. +1

Umbrella Academy action figures. Oh, Reggie. +1

Luther has to explain that everyone in the whole world dies and not just them. The Umbrella Academy School of Delayed Reactions due to Stupidity was too long of a name so Reggie shortened it to The Umbrella Academy. +1

Allison’s right, Vanya isn’t being fair. However, Allison isn’t specific about how Vanya is family but Leonard is not. Sin for both of them for being dumb as hell. +2

“I’m gonna go find Vanya” “There isn’t time, we need to figure out what causes the apocalypse” irony. +1

“Nuclear war” cited as one of the possible causes of the apocalypse. Comics fans, enjoy this sin off. -1

“But I’m thinking this is about the Moon, right?” well yeah, but not for the reasons you think. Foreshadowing the moon. -1

That creepy portrait of Five behind Diego. No, not the big one, the other one by the bar. What the fuck, Reggie? +1

Leonard steals the action figure of The Monocle (reggie for those who don’t know the comics), which symbolizes the way Leonard feels he is controlling the Academy through Vanya. -1

Leonard is creepy. +1

Ben doesn’t realize that Klaus is going through withdrawal despite seeing it the day before. Sure, Ben could have been more focused on the tourture, but because Ben points out Klaus’s withdrawal by name in Man on the Moon, we can assume he noticed and that this is a continuity error. +1

Vanya’s powers affecting the world around her as soon as she is a safe distance away from the academy because reasons. Seriously, there should have been at least something while she was confronting her siblings. Show plays fast and loose with the rules of Vanya’s powers. +1

“If you tie me up after.” “Come again?” Diego and Klaus have the most sibling like relationship on this entire show. -1

Klaus’s Diego impression. -1

Excessive use of the word “bro”. One sin for every time I have to hear it in this scene. +2

“Mr. Five”. Is Five’s first name “Number” or did he not give the Commission any other name? Does this imply that he doesn’t go by Five Hargreeves? +1

This is one of the few scenes where Aidan Gallagher no longer looks like Aidan Gallagher and instead looks like Five. Acting. -1

Dot is really trying to get murdered. Don’t engage the man you put through hell for almost fifty years, moron. +1

The Handler has nothing better to do than to stalk Five. Does this lady have a job or did she take the day off specifically for this? What was she doing in the tube room?+1

The origin of “deadly little thing” is fucking Gloria? Really, fandom? +1

Five is too good of an actor. I understand why Aidan Gallagher might make some of these choices as an actor but I don’t understand how a man who grew up alone in the apocalypse can act this well. +1

The Handler keeps singling Five out in front of his coworkers. +1

The Handler’s arm around Five’s shoulders. +1

Creepy dude is back. I’m not even going to try and look up this guy’s name, but the expression suggests something I don’t want to think about. +1

Creepy guy’s name is Herb. Of course it is. +1

The file Five picks up just has a smiley face inside of it, which suggests that the Handler put it there as a red herring. Nice touch, show. -1

Gender neutral bathrooms. -1

Five’s expression when the Handler continues talking to him as she is peeing. -1

The Handler talks to Five while peeing. Gross. +2

His expression when she starts coughing is so funny. -1

Rugae +1

The Handler peeks over the door of the bathroom stall. +10

Cha Cha says, “Sure, shoot” when Hazel asks if he can ask her a question. +1

Where did the gunshot come from if Cha Cha didn’t shoot Hazel? I get they’re using it to make us think that she did, but there is no other explanation for the noise. +1

Luther frantically searching for his moon research makes me very sad. +1

Also, I’m kind of bored with this episode at this point. It’s such a low episode with the only interesting parts that make me as excited as the last episode Number Five, being the Commission parts. Everything else is kind of boring. Pick up the pace, show. +1

Reggie is a dick to Luther. +7

Luther looks so lost and broken and sad. I’m sad. Fuck you, Reggie. +1

Why the fuck was Luther carrying an axe?? +2

And rope?? +2

When and where did Luther find the time and money to get the engraved gold locket for Allison? This interaction is so full of plot holes and stupidity. +1

However, Cameron Brodeur and Eden Cupid do well with this dumb writing. -1

Seriously, who wrote this scene? The fact that I can’t bring myself to care about what is going on right now says a lot. +1

Reggie jump scare. +1

Cliche record scratch. How did that happen? Did Luther or Allison bump into it? Sin for lack of clarity and for destroying a record. +1

“Fun and games are restricted to Saturdays between noon and half past noon” Reggie is a dick to his children. +7

Klaus and Diego bonding. Literally? -1

Ben is in this scene! -1

I forgot how weird the soundtrack is for this scene. It’s too ominous. Scoring is important. +1

“Dave must have been a very special person to put up with all your weird-ass shit.” -1

“He was kind and strong and vulnerable and beautiful” that’s great, show. Why don’t you show us that instead of having Klaus say it. Just once scene where Dave shows these qualities so that he’s a real person instead of someone created to drive Klaus’s storyline? Please? +1

I feel really bad for Ben in this scene. From Ben’s perspective, he wasn’t good enough to motivate Klaus to get sober, but this random guy was. Ben angst. +1

Also, Justin Min manages to convey this without any lines. Major props. That takes some serious skill. -2

Bro. +1

“Everyone I like is already dead”. Fridging. +1

I can’t tell if this is Ben walking away or if this is the transition between Diego and Klaus’s point of views. If this is meant to imply the pov switch, It would have been easier to have Ben disappear from the same spot. If it’s Ben walking away because he can’t take being told that he isn’t good enough to get sober for, Ben angst. Either way, it’s a sin. +1

“Aww shit! I need to pee.” Diego’s expression is amazing. -1

“If this [having powers] is even true, everything I know about myself would be different.” That is Vanya’s storyline in a nutshell. This line is really underrated. -1

All of Leonard’s lines point towards the book. All of them. Which makes total sense. -1

Vanya is starting to show more sass and personality because the pills are gone. I wish fanfic writers would explore this. Including myself, I am sinning fanfic writers for not taking into account how cool Vanya is without the meds. +1

“I’m sorry you got stuck with the ordinary one” See! +1

“Ordinary” This word keeps coming up. Probably because of the whole rumor situation that we’re not supposed to know about yet. Rewatches are fun. -1

“My life is so weird” “I like weird”. And if you weren’t such a colossal creep, Leonard/Harold, I would like you too. This line is super sweet. Sin for manipulation. +1

Ellen Page isn’t my girlfriend. Have you seen this scene recently? She looks so cute/hot/beautiful here. +1

No transition, just straight from Leonard and Vanya kissing to The Handler slurping her smoothie. It’s jarring. +1

I want to know why they decided that killing Archduke Ferdinand would start World War I. Noodle incident. +1

“I had a bad Twinkie in the apocalypse once. Kinda put me off desserts.” Yet you still ate the fluffernutter sandwich, Five? +1

The Handler’s office is really cool. Once again, set designers you win this one. -1

Why would Five go straight for a decade instead of a flavor? How does something taste like the 1950s before it tastes like a popular candy from the time for example? +1

The suit is blue like the rest of the time travel assassins have. This suggests a uniform that the Commission didn’t make Five wear before, and suggests a sort of power play. Details. -1

The Handler is a fucking creep. +1

“M26 grenades from the Vietnam war”. This is the comment that sparked the theory that the Commission killed Dave. I want answers. +1

The candy that tastes like the 50s is really chewy. Why is Five still chewing it? +1

The Handler gives Five a pistol and he doesn’t immediately shoot her, which suggests that the pistol is empty. So why was the grenade still operational if the other weapons were not? You would think she would make sure that the grenades couldn’t be used against her. +1

The Handler is a fucking creep. I think Aidan Gallagher was a little uncomfortable in this scene. The look in his eyes isn’t something you can fake. +1

Kate Walsh is an awesome actress. -1

Out of all the candies in the bowl, Five conveniently takes one that is an actual candy and one that is a tracker. +1

So I want to talk about Luther. I think the show did him a great disservice by setting up his story this way. Compared to the Commission stuff, Luther’s story arc doesn’t seem important, hence the “Dad sent me to the Moon” jokes. If this was in a better order, then maybe the fandom would like Luther more. Not that I know what that order should have been, but it definitely shouldn’t have been this one. This whole episode seems kind of disorganized and Luther’s character suffers for it. After this sin, I’m going to shut up about it, so I’ll just add a few and move on. +5

“Four years of my life. A lie” “What an asshole” That’s a bit of an understatement, Allison. Seriously, this Moon research has got to have some value to it. Luther was studying the moon for four fucking years. Who knows what kind of crazy shit he could have found out about the moon’s atmosphere and what the Earth was like when the moon split from it. Those soil samples would tell us a lot about what the developing planet Earth was like. Luther’s moon research is important scientific material. And Reggie just locked it away. +3

This scene is excellent independently. Tom Hopper and Emmy Raver-Lampman play off each other extremely well. -1

“Can I show you something?” +1

The tools in the greenhouse have not moved in seventeen years. +1

And neither has the dust free record player. +1

Two cans of generic cola from seventeen years ago. And these two morons drink them. The family brain cell is dying. +1

This is such a sibling moment. Trying to do something nice and then it all goes up in flames? Sibling. Culture. -1

You know what isn’t sibling culture? The fucking locket. +3

This is a really human moment for Cha Cha. Burning the note shows that deep down, she cares about Hazel. -1

However, I don’t understand why she’s so pissed about Agnes. Is the show trying to ship Hazel and Cha Cha? Because that would be a stretch and I really don’t see it. +1

Klaus asking for one last hit is believable. Diego’s reaction is really good too. Well done. -1

Klaus’s ptsd. Putting my boy through trauma. +1

The wound on Dave’s chest has to be an exit wound. He was behind the barrier, so there’s no way he could have been shot from the front by the enemy. Someone (like a Commission agent) shot him from the back. So I guess we sort of got answers? I’m going to sin this until we know for sure. +1

Klaus is distraught. My poor boy. +1

Why is the chandelier still on the ground? You would think somebody would have attempted to pick that up at this point, right? It’s been two days. +1

Grace’s more relaxed hairstyle shows that she isn’t under Reggie’s strict control anymore. The tight pin curls are now replaced by gorgeous waves. Symbolism, well done hair stylist. -1

Grace lies because Pogo is standing behind Diego. Otherwise, I think she would have told him the truth right then and there. Secrets. +1

Yo, @ Luther. Who the fuck eats a hot dog like that? +1

Also, it was bright daylight when Diego was talking to Grace and now it’s pitch black out. What happened in those hours? +1

Talking about their regrets, Allison says “we can’t go back”. Insert every season 2 headcanon and the whole “Where are they?” tag line from the season 2 promos. +1

Allison attempts to see the silver lining of child abuse. This works and is a valid coping mechanism that I think is totally in character. Well done, writers. -1

The kiss on the cheek is very “this is the last time I will see my sibling whom I love very dearly and who also loves me for me”. This should have been it for Allison and Luther kissing because it’s a really good moment. -1

I love the dancing in the moonlight scene because it’s a reference to something from the comics. -1

The choreography is really, really good. Emma Portner fucking rules. -1

And I love the earrings that Allison is wearing. No joke, someone please tell me where I can find them, they’re adorable and I would love to have them. -1

However, the show made us see two sibling characters kiss. In a very romantic way. +15

And it’s very clear that this kiss happens outside of the fantasy too. +15

Also, without the lights and the music, were Allison and Luther just two weirdos dancing in the park to nothing? +1

The transition to get back to the Commission is really good. -1

“Gloria. The Handler knows that Five is up to something. Get this to Hazel and Cha Cha immediately.” Was the extra info about Five necessary? I feel like a regular person wouldn’t say that. +1

Gloria doesn’t know who the second best assassins are. +1

Five gets that stapler out of nowhere. This goes back to his unexplained power from episode 1, but now the question is: Is this switching power stapler based? +1

Five’s expression when he finally gets the name of the man who will cause the apocalypse. -1

And now we know the origin of the terminate Hazel message. Five, you clever bastard. -1

Did we see the terminate Cha Cha message before this? I can’t remember. If we didn’t then it’s a great reveal. If we did, then I didn’t care enough to pay attention. [I looked back] We didn’t. Great reveal. -1

Five, hide your bodies better so they don’t start waking up for comedic timing. +1

The comedic timing of Gloria waking back up. -1

“You’re a first rate pragmatist!” no he’s not. Have you been paying attention to Five’s character at all, Handler? If he was, then he never would have broken his contract because he was safe in the Commission.+1

Also, this is what a lot of fanfic writers base Five off of. Not his actual character, this fucking line. Sin for the fandom. +1

Why did they have to split up this scene? The Handler just attempted to shoot Five and now we’re supposed to care about Mom and Diego?? +1

Grace finally gets to tell the truth! Sin for Pogo and Reggie for forcing her to lie. +1

The truth. -1

The Commission desk people do care about Gloria. Caring. -1

Vanya finding Reggies book. This could have been the original trigger to the apocalypse in the first timeline. I want answers. How did it go down originally? +1

Dave! -1

“I do owe a debt. But it’s not to you.” This is one of those lines that will be referenced in a future season. “See, [this character and/or relationship] was referenced in season 1” or something like that. This is my favorite Five line, too. -2

Five once again stands too close to an explosion. Fuckin’ run, dude! +1

The ending of this episode reminds me of the “and it was all just a dream” ending that 5th graders write. Nothing in this episode has any consequences. +3

And I am adding back the sins I took off and then some for the important bits like Diego and Klaus bonding, Grace telling Diego all the secrets, and Klaus seeing Dave. +4

Wednesday. 8:15 A.M. (...again). The time stamp is pretty good though. -1

“What gives us a win this time?” And then Five appears. -1

Five snatches Allison’s coffee. And he should be bleeding from the shrapnel wound. +2

Allison’s face when Five snatches her coffee. -1

Diego, Luther, Klaus, and Allison are all watching Five stumble weird and chug Allison’s coffee with the funniest expressions. I want to know what they were thinking. Ya know, beyond “What the Fuck?”. +1

Those expressions, though. -1

“So if y’all don’t get your sideshow acts together” Five this whole season has been you saving the world and everyone else as a sideshow act. That’s gonna take a lot more effort than saving the world. +1

Aidan Gallagher fucking nails this scene. Expletive required. This is why I respect him as an actor. This scene would have been so easy to over act, but he kills this monologue.  -5

If you look closely at Five’s hair, it looks sort of like the triangular shape from the comics. I can’t tell if that was intentional, but it was a good detail. Hair department. -1

“Who the hell is Harold Jenkins” followed by a coffee slurp. That is how they end the episode? Really? It would have been stronger without the coffee. +1

Season 2 comes out on July 31, 2020! I got the announcement just as I was finishing this episode! I’ll take off a sin because we finally know! Whoop!! -1

Overall review:

After the powerhouse that is episode 5, this episode feels odd and out of place. My favorite parts were the Commission parts, and everything else felt like an interruption. Even more so when you consider that the commission parts are the only parts of the episode that actually happened. Sure, it’s great character building, but without any consequences, it feels cheap. I feel like I’ve said everything I needed to say, so I won’t get crazy with the analysis. I would say more if anything in this episode actually mattered. 

Total: 112

Sentence: The Umbrella Academy of Reacting to things Slowly due to Stupidity. Say that 10 times fast. Then I will undo all your hard work through the power of time travel. Seriously, fuck this ending. 

[calzona-ga]

Showrunner Krista Vernoff talks with The Hollywood Reporter about wrapping Alex's storyline, being the first show to shut down production and the episode that serves as its season ender.

[This story contains spoilers from episode 1621, "Put on a Happy Face."]

ABC's Grey's Anatomy concluded its 16th season Thursday with an episode that wasn't designed to be a finale but, as showrunner Krista Vernoff admits, was lucky to have doubled as one.

The Shondaland medical drama had four episodes left to produce before Vernoff made the call to shut down — the first series to do so amid the coronavirus crisis — in a move she says was designed with the crew's health in mind. The series was also the first to publicly confirm that those four episodes would never be produced as Vernoff and her team will use their extended hiatus as a way to incorporate those events into the drama's previously announced 17th season.

As for the episode, here's what happened: Richard (Jim Pickens) is cured, but rejects his estranged wife, Catherine (Debbie Allen). Owen (Kevin McKidd) and Teddy (Kim Raver) are … on pause. Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) and Link (Chris Carmack) have their son. DeLuca (Giacomo Gianniotti) saves the day with Richard but has a breakdown. Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) now finds herself in a love triangle (again).

Below, Vernoff talks with The Hollywood Reporter about making the call to shut down, how she's approaching season 17 and, yes, how she and the Grey's writers wrote out Justin Chambers' Alex.

First, how are you doing with the state of the TV industry right now? I'm worried about everybody in the world, including our industry. I'm really lucky to have continued work. I have a writers room for [ABC pilot] Rebel and I'm doing post on Station 19. I have some semblance of normalcy and I'm hopeful that there will be some return to normalcy in the not too distant future.

Grey's was the first show to shut down production. What went into that decision and was what has ensued since what you were expecting at the time? What went into that decision for me and why I pushed for that shutdown is we have been on the air for so long that so many of our crew members were in that high-risk category. Many of them are over 60 or even 70. There was a day when someone was saying, "Maybe you should go to set and give a pep talk," and I had a feeling of like, "No, I don't want to go to set." I called the network and said if I don't want to go to that set space, you can't keep asking the crew — who are all high-risk — to go. Like anyone else, did I expect the whole world to shut down? No. This is all so unprecedented in our world. I didn't expect this. I just knew in that moment that what I was reading that was happening in Italy meant we were in danger here and I wanted to protect our crew.

You lost four episodes from this season. What was the cast's response to that? What are you considering doing with the remaining four unproduced episodes? Rolling them to next season? Or waiting to see what happens with the world before you plot out what comes next? We're waiting to see what happens with the world. I will start a season 17 writers room in May, and, at that point, I imagine our conversation will be about starting our story from where we left off in season 16. But I don't think we can take unproduced scripts that we didn't shoot and shoot them. We're going to have had a break and have new ideas. We've been texting each other ideas already. Some of those things that we had decided, we're changing because we'll have had a break and have come up with better ideas. And some of it is going to have to change because you're taking what was going to be a regular episode and have to turn it into a season premiere and that will require some reimagining.

As a medical drama, and one with a global audience — you air in something like 250 markets across the globe — have you talked about if you're going to incorporate coronavirus into your storyline? I haven't talked to anyone about anything yet because we're not in the room right now. We're on what would have been our hiatus. But once the writers room gathers in early May, we'll begin to have those conversations. I've been thinking, are we incorporating coronavirus into the storytelling and also does that dictate what kind of stories we can tell? Are we, for example, limiting the number of people in a room? If we're doing a story where 60 people were sitting in a theater, are we no longer doing that story? Those are the things I'm thinking about because I don't think this is going to be totally over when we come back to shoot in July. I don't know.

Have you thought about what it would take for you guys to feel safe enough — given the crew you have — to go back into production? The Writers Guild is thinking about all of those things. There are conversations about, will testing be more widely available by that point? Are you testing people when they go to work? Are you taking temperatures of people before they go to work? I'm addicted to silver linings and an idealist and fantasy thinker because I am a writer, so I keep thinking maybe some miraculous vaccine or cure or somebody will figure out a medicine we use for this can be effective. I'm trying not to think about it too much because no one knows anything and next week everything could change.

This episode was fortunate to work as a season finale. Can you say anything about what would have happened in those four episodes? Or are those ideas that you're holding on to for now? I'm going to holdon to them for now because I imagine we'll play out a fair amount of them in season 17. It's not lucky that there's a pandemic and we had to stop our storytelling four episodes short, but it's lucky that where we had to stop wound up as a pretty perfect season finale.

One thing watching this episode that I'm very eager to know: What do Amelia and Link name their son? Grey's does have a way of honoring the past when it comes to baby names … The name the baby storyline was in episode 22 [which won't be produced]. I suspect it will play in the [season 17] premiere.

Any clues if the name has any special significance? Derek, maybe… I will tell you that the name is not Derek (laughing). I'll give you that the line in 1622 about Derek was that Link pitched it and Amelia said, "I don't want to cry every time I look at my baby, so no." But the name is meaningful, yes.

Owen tells his mother that he's postponing the wedding but doesn't tell Teddy. He obviously has that pretty awful voicemail in which he hears Teddy sleep with Tom. Why doesn't he break things off? The cruelest thing that Owen could do in that moment is to call his mother and not Teddy. That didn't come from anything magnanimous. Letting Teddy suffer in that silence and fear … if everything is OK, you call your partner and say we can't do it. I honestly think Owen is in too much pain to talk to Teddy at this point. It's a major storyline for us to play in season 17: are they over? Is there a way for him to come back from this? Owen has cheated himself and been forgiven, so he would be a hypocrite to not allow for possibility that there could be some forgiveness here. Yet what he heard was really damning and man. That OR scene was my favorite scene of the season. It was really beautiful.

DeLuca, who should be celebrating a big professional victory, realizes he has a problem after diagnosing Richard. What are you looking forward to exploring with his storyline? Everyone interprets that last scene differently. What I believe happens to DeLuca in that last scene is that he's been manic for so long that his brain chemicals have shifted and he's gone into a depression and that's what you're seeing. It's not that he's making any kind of realization; it's that he can't get up off the floor and he doesn't know why. We're telling a story of a mental health crisis with DeLuca and I think he does have the disease his father has. What's kind of beautiful about where we ended the season is that you see that a person who is struggling with mental health crisis can still be an incredibly productive member of society. He diagnoses Richard and saves the day — and he goes into a hole. Where we go from here … you'll see in season 17.

There's a great scene during Richard's surgery when DeLuca looks up at Meredith and gives her this nod, which feels like he's thinking that maybe now he is on her level professionally — and maybe now she can see him in that way. Meredith, meanwhile, tells Cormac Hayes (Richard Flood) that she wants him to ask her out again. This episode also had a lot of foreshadowing that Hayes and Meredith seem destined to be together. What's the larger idea or theme you're looking to explore with this … triangle of sorts? It kind of is a triangle at this point. There are so many pieces to making television: there's the conversation in the writers room, then the script on the page. It's like what you think it will be vs. what's on the page. And then there's what the actors do with it. That story has emerged in a way where I never expected it to be a triangle but feels like it very much is one right now. That's because DeLuca has been so heroic and so dynamic in his mental health storyline that, in a strange way, I expected that storyline would illuminate him as a love interest for Meredith and it ironically feels like it's done the opposite. It's been amazing to watch Giacomo resonate with that storyline. The story ended up better than what I expected it was going to be because now I don't know who I'm rooting for Meredith to be with. There's a part of me that feels like DeLuca, if he gets the right kind of treatment, could be becoming a human being with life experience that helps him rise to Meredith's level and yet there's this man, who is co-signed by Cristina and we've seen the pain he's survived and how, in so many ways, his life experience mirrors Meredith's. Where this goes now is really anybody's guess. I'm excited to see how it unfolds.

I'd be remiss if I didn't ask about something else that happened earlier this season: Justin Chambers exited this season. While Alex had a big send-off, it felt like Chambers left quietly and suddenly. What can you say about happened and the way that all transpired? I decline comment.

From a planning standpoint, how much notice did you have that Chambers wasn't returning? Chambers' last episode aired in November… I don't want to talk about it.

Can you talk a bit about how the Grey's team came up with how you concluded Alex's storyline, reuniting him with Izzie (Katherine Heigl)? I love that episode. I thought it was beautiful, romantic, heartbreaking, painful and the perfect combination of the way so many stories happen in Shondaland, where you're simultaneously crying for joy and crying for grief. It was perfectly imperfect and it was perfectly messy. It allowed for Alex to have grown as a human in a variety of ways and to still be imperfect and to disappoint a woman he has loved greatly. It allows for Jo to have been a person who really healed him and in so many ways that he's now able to go be this wonderful dad to these kids. And it allowed for the characters who are still at Grey Sloan to not have to go through another massive chapter of grief. I thought it was beautiful and I'm really proud of it. It was an amazing thing to get to watch 16 seasons worth of material. To get to go backwards on a character's timeline, 16 seasons, and to have it actually be stuff we shot on the show? That's rare in TV. Usually if you're flashing back, you're using VFX to de-age a character.

Wrapping things up, I always ask you the same two questions at the end of every season. Will there be any cast departures ahead of season 17? There are no notable cast member departures happening between seasons.

And are there any conversations about season 17 being the last one for Grey's? And in terms of 17 being the end, I never believe it's the end until they tell me it's the end for real.

[joemuggs]

James Blake: Before Before

James Blake has a new EP out, called ‘Before’. It’s really good. I like him, he’s authentic. I’ve spoken to him on and off since he very first released music, and it’s been interesting to see his transformation from north London bohemian to LA superstar bohemian. Below is the text of the first time I interviewed him - I think the first feature length interview he did - from Mixmag in 2010. 

James Blake is good at confounding expectations. At a recent gig at Shoreditch's warehouse-like XOYO, Mixmag saw the 22-year-old play a super-heavyweight mutant dubstep set, then immediately afterwards start larking about with Beyonce and Ms Dynamite tunes, much to the delight of the messy ravers – and yet the tune that's getting him known outside clubland is the deeply odd Feist cover 'Limit to your Love' with its haunted croon and folky repetitions. So, when we catch up with him in a Brixton pub a few days after the gig, we make a point of asking him what his ultimate musical ambition is – thinking it might reveal a common thread that draws these disparate sides together. "I'd like to play a solo piano show at Carnegie Hall," he says without hesitation, referring to one of the most renowned classical venues in the world, which has also played host to legendary shows by the likes of the Beatles and Pink Floyd; "maybe not even singing, just the piano." We think he means it.

That's how he is, though: pretty much every tune he's put out so far has come as a curveball. Going from the soulful mutant dubstep of 'CMYK' – which has ruled underground clubs all year – to the four tracks of gorgeous, weightless piano-laced electronica on his 'Klavierwerke' EP alone was a more radical shift than most artists his age would even think of making. But to then not only make the leap to the intense weirdness of 'Limit to your Love', but to make it work to the point where it is all over radio and sitting alongside 'CMYK' in everyone's “best of 2010” lists demonstrates a boldness that it making heads spin throughout the industry, and generating the sort of anticipation for his major label album that doesn't come around often. In a climate of insane gener meltdowns and turbulence stirred up by dubstep's big push into the mainstream, he truly is the maverick's maverick.

So, we ask him, what is with all of these stylistic shifts? “I get bored!” he laughs. “When I get a sound, like the 'Klavierwerke' tracks, I will just do it and do it until I literally can't do it any more, so then I just have to move on and do something different.” There's an intense air about James, not in the nerdy or over-serious way you sometimes get with electronica musos – quite the opposite, in fact: he's fun and engaging company, and our interview quite frequently gets derailed into just chatting away merrily about tunes, nights out and mutual acquaintances – but nonetheless with a fierce intelligence on display and a maturity way beyond his years. He'll fix you in the eye when he speaks, but often, especially when talking about music that he loves, his gaze will divert up and to the side, darting back and forth as if browsing some inner database to locate exactly the right reference, and he speaks with the clarity and lucidity of someone who has spent a serious amount of time thinking about their plans and beliefs.

As you might expect given the strangeness and diversity of his music, James's upbringing as an only child in the London suburb of Enfield, wasn't entirely conventional. His artist mother and singer/guitarist dad never listened to pop radio but played vintage blues and soul constantly – then as soon as James took up playing the piano his musical interest focused 100% on that. “I listened to Art Tatum and Errol Garner, and I listened to Bach and Satie and Chopin,” he explains; “it wasn't about being into a style, it wasn't a jazz thing or a classical thing, it was just piano, just technique.” And that was that – until finally he discovered dubstep as a teenager, and instantly realised that this could be, as he puts it, “a vehicle” for his musical ideas. “It was,” he says, “just massive for me.”

Listening to the likes of DMZ's Mala made him realise that electronic music had possibilities like the blues he grew up with: “it has that thing where if the ideas and the personality of the artist are strong enough, they can do whatever the fuck they like – Mala could take one simple idea and stretch it out for ages, and it would just work because it's him, and because it has that dread and intensity, and you go with it because you trust him.” It also gave him a way to be musically creative without simply relying on his previous schooling. “When I hear a producer is 'classically trained',” he scowls, “I'm suspicious, to me it's usually a euphemism for 'doesn't have any ideas'. Just because you can read the dots on the score and play complex pieces doesn't mean you have any ability to come up with something new.”

Music production took over his life completely from then on. “I went through a lot of shit, but once I got to 18, 19,” he says, “I just decided that I didn't really give a shit about anyone else. Not friends, not girls – I mean, girls are great...” – he flashes a grin – “...but I didn't want to be distracted. And I didn't want to socialise for the sake of it, go to some shit club just because my mates were, I knew that music was my focus and that was that. I knew from my parents that if you're serious about your creativity you have to be alone a lot.” He did, however, very quickly make connections with fellow one-offs Mount Kimbie and Jack Dunning aka Untold. The latter, after hearing a DJ play one of his demos on Rinse FM got in touch and became something of a mentor, releasing James's first 12” on his own Hemlock label. Mount Kimbie also got in touch after James sent them “a really gushing email about their music” and ended up performing live with him on vocals.

From thereon in, things snowballed fast, with dancefloor-oriented releases on Ramdanman and friends' Hessle Audio and the legendary Belgian techno label R&S – but he was also honing a freakier sound: the sparse, folky vocal tracks that would make up his new album. Only three other people got to hear these initially– Untold, this Mixmag correspondent, and a friend of James's who works for major label A&M records and persuaded them to take a punt. These all feature James extraordinary and emotionally intense singing voice, and are, he says , all about restraint. “I get fed up when people keep describing me as a 'soul' singer, because I'm not,” he insists – “I don't let rip, I just sing the notes as I write them. It's like the production: I don't want to just bang away, I use silence and quiet for effect, and then when it does build up to something tougher it hits much harder in contrast.” And he makes a surprisingly violent punching motion.

The result is something that is both completely removed from trends, and perfectly suited to the current climate of genre meltdown. It's possible to hear everything from ancient echoes of folk and blues to the influence of the crispest modern hip hop, particularly the anything-goes aesthetic of Outkast, who James says are “the Beatles of today, maybe not in sales, but definitely in importance and technical innovation.” It also completely tramples over the idea of dubstep as macho, with a real sexual ambiguity to both James's voice and playing. This is very deliberate: one of his greatest desires is “to learn to play piano in a female way – there's a particular way that Joni Mitchell plays, and also Nina Simone, that is technically incredible but isn't flash, that supports the voice without coming too much into the foreground, yet is incredibly beautiful in its own right.”

There's no disconnect from the dancefloor in any of this, though. He still talks with passion about dancing to his friend Joy Orbison's DJ sets in small, dark clubs - “at one point I completely lost track of where I was, and felt plugged into something bigger,” he says, “like the music was joined into a wider history” - and at XOYO Mixmag witnessed at first hand how even his oddest, most strung-out tracks have a sense of dance dynamics that grabs people on a very basic level. Surveying XOYO's punters, we met everyone from electronica dorks who proclaimed him “the deepest British producer since the Aphex Twin” through indie hipsters waxing lyrical about his voice, to a couple of girls in borderline hysterics about how fit he is (James is indeed striking looking, not to mention well over six foot tall). With this breadth of support, the sky would seem to be the limit for James right now; but whether in five years he's perfoming solo piano or singing with Andre 3000, evidence suggests the results will be beyond anyone's abilities to predict.