#i knew a girl in my first year who didn't show up for a class with no explanation | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jensthwa · 9 months ago

Text

we can't be friends (CS x reader).

part of the love's an uncharted path universe ★.

SUMMARY:

San is your first love. He broke your heart and played with your feelings without even kissing you back when you two were in highschool. Now, many years later, you do your best to avoid crossing paths with him because there's just no way you could ever hate him, but there's also no way you two can be friends again. But his best friend is also one of your best friends, so there's only so much you can do to avoid San when he arranges a dinner you're forced to go to.

PAIRING: first love!choi san x afab reader.

GENRE: one shot (fluff, angst, smut)

WORD COUNT: 20k (yikes).

WARNINGS: SMUT ☽ (MINORS DNI) attempt !!! at comedy, unnecesary pinning, a looot of context, bad friends :(, some arguing, tension, drinking and drunk behavior, tears, making out, description of female anatomy, oral (f reciving), fingering, love making, pet names (babe, baby), flirty seonghwa, wooyoung being a little shit again but also a genius, gyuri almost commiting a crime.

NOTES: hi everyone! this is a lenghty one, i know, but trust me when I say the context is necessary to understand what reader goes through with san. also, some of this may or may not have happened to me (have fun figuring out which part) (it's quite obvious tbh). THIS IS PART OF THE SHOW AND TELL UNIVERSE BUT CAN BE READ AS A STAND ALONE, even though there's some references and characters that you can only know if you read s&t lol. this is 100% self indulgent, as all fics should be, and i think i've re-read it so many times that if you find a typo or something that just doesn't make sense, you can blame it on english not being my first language i guess lmao. i hope you enjoy it and if you do feel free to send/reblog/type in any feedback or thoughts! <3

POSTED: august 06 2024.

permanent taglist: @hotteokkay, @potatomountain, @fairylover68

masterlist.

You and Choi San go way back.

Well, it's nine years way back? You were only fourteen when you first saw him.

He moved back to your area of the city a year after you moved from an entirely different one. You thought you knew every school secret there ever was, provided by your new best friend, Gyuri, but she didn't tell you about him at all.

She claimed that it was because he didn't cause any stir the years they studied together before and after spending a whole first period in your eighth grade classroom with him at the back of the class, silently taking notes, you couldn't phantom why.

He was great at every subject, seemed to have a lot of popular friends and was, overall, a pretty nice guy. He was also very cute, skinny but you could tell he was the kind of guy who played a sport outside of school hours and he had a cute pair of dimples that showed everytime you scanned the classroom just to lay eyes on him.

Choi San was a perfect boy to crush on, even a perfect guy just to have as eye candy during recess. You felt really strongly about him, not really forming a full opinion although your gut told you right away you were right. There was something about him… but you only figured that something until later, next year, starting your ninth grade.

Gyuri and you were avid readers. Precocious girls, with minds way above your age. All your teachers praised came laced with the same compliment so you both decided that was the truth. You rejoiced in it, thinking you shared things in common with the grown ups and decided that that was the key to feeling a little superior in comparison to the rest of your classmates, who neither of you liked very much.

Until they all decided to start dating each other and you two realized you were nothing but two kids with great imaginations and a love for school, praise and fictional men that couldn't be translated to the real world without sounding delusional and weird.

So you decided to do something about it. And so, on a random Tuesday recess, you two scanned the crowd trying to find two boys (or a boy and a girl, because you always knew you liked girls too) worthy of your affections. One for her, one for you. Bonus points if the two of them were also best friends, of course.

Double dates were all the buzz at the time anyways.

Besides, only then they could understand the bond you and Gyuri had. Sisterhood like no other, nevermind Gyuri actually had an older sister and a niece at the ripe age of fifteen.

And so when your index finger scanned the crowd and eliminated at least three potential crushes before landing on Choi San, you felt like it was meant to be.

You see, his best friend, Jung Wooyoung, was perfect for Gyuri to crush on. He was almost as tall as she was at the time and his easy, outgoing personality was compatible with her book crush at the time as well.

He also flirted with her on several occasions before that.

So it was meant to be.

Choi San, on the other hand, had never even glanced in your direction before.

Just like your book crush did before he fell in love with the main character.

See? Meant. To. Be.

It was decided then that, although Choi San was not going to be your first crush ever, he was going to be the guy that motivated you to be at school for the time being, because math gets really boring after trying and failing at least ten times.

You thought nothing of it when it felt a little forced, when you couldn't blush at all at the sight of him and you gathered that it didn't need to happen like in the books you read. You simply needed to say his name when someone asked you if you had a crush on anyone and that was enough to be in symphony with the rest of your classmates.

Your longing glances were caught once or twice by him and you brushed the weird flip your stomach did everytime he looked away, blushing a little. You never really cared when it happened, really, knowing his crowd and your crowd (Gyuri and you) would never even cross paths in the first place.

You two kept to yourselves and your little book unofficial book club, sitting on the floor at lunch time and cursing everyone who dared to call you weird for it. San and Wooyoung had a crowd of people at the loudest table laughing with them over stupid teen jokes and, uh, sports? You didn't even know.

And then the unimaginable happened.

Jung Wooyoung sat down, criss cross applesauce and everything, in front of you on a random Monday afternoon while you and Gyuri discussed the english assignment due next period.

Gyuri was not too excited about that.

Turns out, the only one excited to have a crush at school was you. She was very much still in the Lonely Hearts Club phase while you skipped all the way to your The Notebook phase and she was, in her own words, too afraid to admit it when you came up with your crush plan.

You forgave her, of course, and decided to wait for her as long as needed because you were certainly not about to be an individual and have a crush on your own.

And by the time Wooyoung smiled at you both and introduced himself to you, like you weren't in the same class for a year already, you thought your pretend crush on his best friend evaporated and joined the void superficial and fleeting interests you had.

But then Choi San sat beside him, his knee brushing against yours in the process, and you knew you would have to issue a formal apology to your best and only friend for leaving her behind on this little thing.

Because, oh boy, were you crushing on Choi San.

You felt the blush rush to your cheeks and then fell silent while your friend and his friend discussed Fifty Shades of Grey for some reason you never cared enough to discover and you knew you were done for.

It was the first time seeing his dimples in full action, so close to you, so you completely stopped functioning all together. Amazing.

When you decided to have a crush, you never took into account that you were, actually, quite shy. And he really wasn't, but you noticed that he knew when to talk and what to say and with your friend being a lot more outgoing that you were it gave you the comfort that she would speak for the both of you while you admired from the sidelines as your little duo became a group of friends you still miss deeply to this day.

He was funny and you laughed at your jokes even though you pretended to be tired and completely worn out by the school day, resting your head on Gyuri’s shoulder and stealing glances at the boy while she kept arguing with his best friend.

Wooyoung was popular and liked enough to have a few people sit with you later that week, people who never even knew you existed before that. They were good friends with San as well, so you tried your best to keep up with everyone until she sat down next to you one day.

Arin was not really a bad person. She just was a bit conceited, calling herself princess type of conceited and you never really related to her even if she was nice to you to your face. She was absolutely gorgeous and, you found out with Wooyoung’s arm around your shoulder and a whisper to your ear, she had been San’s crush since they were both in elementary school.

That would explain the sudden tension at the table when she sat down next to you, said hello to everyone, offered you a sweet she just bought from the cafeteria, and stared at San for the remainder of lunch time.

You also noticed Wooyoung glaring at her a little and he later explained to you that he didn't really like her all that much. She loved attention and San gave her attention, so she would intentionally flirt with him to get her ego stroked in return.

It didn't really matter how he felt about the girl, though, he didn't have to like her just because his best friend did. And when you caught her batting her eyelashes at San, you knew you didn't even stand a chance.

You tried to hide the disappointed look on your face but both Gyuri and Wooyoung looked at you while the two of them flirted endlessly for the remainder of lunch time and you figured you were doing a pretty shitty job at it. He didn't glance at you once either way, so it didn't really matter.

Arin did but she just complimented your eyes and then started a conversation with someone across the table, her annoying sweet and fake voice making your right ear ring in disapproval.

Either way, you ended up becoming her friend. Gyuri was not very fond of her and neither were you, but you all went to the bathroom together, did your makeup together, did school projects together and then sat everyday at lunch together with the rest of the guys who were, in one way or another, trying to get her to like them.

Because, once again, she was a sight for sore eyes.

It wasn't until later, in the middle of the year, that one of them did. Not Choi San, but Choi Yeonjun.

You remember the day you found out they were together and the gut wrenching concern you felt when you found out that San was not at school that day.

It was after summer break, you remember Wooyoung telling you that San and his family took a few more days of vacation and if you couldn't believe your eyes when you saw the new couple sharing a sweet kiss at the designated lunch table, you could only imagine how San felt the next day when he saw the same image right in front of him.

Yeonjun was his friend, right? He knew about his crush and decided to get together with her anyways. Surely, San was devastated.

But he wasn't. He just cheered them on and then laughed along when Yeonjun shoved his arm playfully after the hollering.

But you saw through it.

Your crush on San made you observant. Made you believe you knew him better than everyone else and so, after lunch, you took out your phone and pulled up the notes app. Writing a simple “are you okay?” in it and passing it to him the next second, you were surprised with yourself before you saw him frown a bit. And then he understood what you meant.

Nodding, he passed you the phone back, before giving you a reassuring smile that you treasured in your heart and saw in your dreams.

You didn't believe him, though, but stayed close enough to everything related to the situation to hold Arin in your arms when Yeonjun inevitably broke her heart.

Starting your tenth year, he moved back to his city and decided to play the I thought we weren't even that serious card on her. Which was nasty, considering love it's very, very serious for a sixteen year old girl.

By this point, you were all a little family and hanging out after school and on the weekends was not unusual, so it didn't surprise you when Arin invited you, and only you, to her house after choir practice on a Thursday.

She lent you her older sister’s clothes to wear (because her's would never fit you. Her words, not yours) and took you to a walk in the park just to break your heart for the first time ever.

“You know… I thought love was something I couldn't find in highschool anymore. But San it's really making an effort, you know? He's been there for me ever since Yeonjun left and… Well, I think he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend tomorrow.”

Grasping the park bench she forced you to sit at, you only nodded and let out a shuddering breath that gave away what she was trying to figure out since earlier that day.

“I'll say yes but only if you say it's okay to do so.”

Arin was not really your friend, the same way Yeonjun was not really San’s friend.

Because there's no way you would ever be okay with it.

And yet, you tried your best to give her a smile and pretend the sound of your heart breaking didn't bring tears to your eyes “Of course it's okay. Why wouldn't it be?”

A week later, they were officially dating. The rumors spread around like a wildfire and it took out of you with everyone calling San a nasty rebound and you doing your best to prioritize the ghost of the friendship you had with him. That whole fiasco lasted a few months.

Months in which your friendship with everyone just grew stronger. Gyuri was still your best friend, Wooyoung was crushing on her hard and everyone knew, Arin and San were a steady couple, a new girl joined your class that year, named Yeri, and the principal assigned her to you because she thought you two would get along really well.

“I like girls,” was like, the third thing she ever told you while you were showing her the school “I'm just telling you now because I don't plan on hiding it and you are wearing a pride pin.”

“Oh, that's cool. I like girls too,” you smiled, looking at your pride pin “I didn't hide it either and no one gave me shit about it, so, don't worry.”

Yeri also liked the mainstream music that you liked and soon she became a new addition to your group. And with Arin spending all of her free time with San, you, Gyuri and Yeri only grew closer and closer. You didn't have Arin’s voice in your ear telling you the million reasons she found Yeri uncool, but you saw it in her face every time the table laughed at one of Yeri’s jokes.

And so, it went on for a while:

Your mom driving all of you around in her car to the beach, to dinner, to the movies and letting you have mixed sleepovers at your house (meaning you, Arin, Gyuri, Wooyoung, Yeri and San) was fun and all, but it was not enough to distract yourself entirely. Everytime you glanced at the couple, that sinking feeling in your chest would appear and sulk your whole mood for, at least, fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes of pretending you were okay with them before forgetting completely for an hour or so and then the cycle would repeat until you were alone staring at the ceiling and doing your best to not cry about it.

All it took was your first kiss being Yeri of all people for you to decide that it was time to retire your crush for Choi San once and for all.

And for a while, it all went according to plan. You decided to tell Gyuri that it was okay because he was your friend first and the guy that you liked second and that you were not fourteen and desperate for love anymore, that it was time to go on with your life as if nothing really happened in the first place.

You were hooking up with Yeri anyways, so it seemed like you were doing just fine.

You grew closer to San as well and even though he mostly talked to you about Arin and whatever tantrum she was throwing at the time, you really started to feel some sense of normalcy within you when it came to just speaking to him.

You no longer blushed when he made you laugh, you no longer looked at him with the longing of a past life lover and you were really happy for him because, at the end of the day, he was really happy with his relationship.

Until winter break came around and Arin decided to give San his first heartbreak ever.

She decided to call for a break in their relationship because she was, in his words, too overwhelmed with the amount of love and attention she was getting from him.

Which was completely fucking insane considering the fact she forced him to save her contact as Princess Arin and all.

So naturally, you sided with him. And she didn't take it to heart because everyone knew you liked San anyways.

She told you the news herself through Facebook after asking you to explain to her the English assignment due next day and then she decided to tell you something you'll never understand because you no longer are on speaking terms with her:

Princess Arin: u know i broke up with him because of u right? :)

Princess Arin: one day I'll tell u all abt it.

She never told you anything about it. And by then, you were starting your last year and San was your best friend who hung out with you everyday after school, calling you late at night and helping you with assignments through Skype. So you didn't really care.

And as the day passed, you started understanding the connection they talked about in books and movies. You thought you did before, Gyuri being your eternal person in this world, but it felt so different with San.

Different and good. Different and achy enough for you to want to keep it in your life.

Your dynamic was friendly, sure, but it was alright. It consisted of banter and daring stares as well as laughter and soft moments you treasured till this day.

“It's way too early to be this annoying, Choi San.”

“Oh, you think this is me being annoying?”

You both got an hour of detention for disturbing the class that day.

You loved it.

But then, after almost a month of picking up the broken pieces of his heart one by one, and your mother giving him a self-help book to make him regain the confidence he lost during the breakup process, you realized that you were in love with him and there was nothing you could do about that.

You noticed one friday afternoon, when he offered to pay for your and your mom's ice cream at the drive through, when he scrambled to get all the change he had on him to leave a tip for the person who handed you guys the sweet treat, that there was no way you didn't love him.

And it was confusing as fuck when everyone else started to tell you he had feelings for you as well.

“Think about it. You text each other good morning everyday” Yeri listed with her finger and you nodded “Then, you go to school, sit together and spend the rest of the day together” another nod “Then after school you either go get ice cream together or hang out for a bit with your mom while she drives him home. And after that, you get on Skype for the reminder of the afternoon and then he calls you on your house phone and you two spend the rest of the night talking before falling asleep on the line together,” she looked at you like you were insane for even denying the accusations made against San, but she continued anyway “And then it's rinse and repeat and it has been that way since… What? Three months ago?”

You nodded again, defeated.

“Girl, he likes you.” she sighed, annoyed and a little tired, before sitting on your lap and kissing your lips affectionately “And you're here making out with me instead of him. You really are a lost cause.”

That didn't stop you from hooking up with her until she found a girl who's heart was not reserved for someone else, though. Said girl went to a different school and was a year younger than all of you, but she looked very happy and stopped secretly kissing you in the school bathroom like a week after they met.

And when she finally told everyone, you were really happy for her, but San not so much.

It was the night you thought everything was about to change. The night you thought he was about to kiss you or you were about to kiss him, whatever happened first.

Laying in your bed, facing each other in the dim light, he thought it was the biggest form of betrayal and pouted the whole time he explained to you why.

He thought you liked her and you realized he didn't really pay attention to you after all. Not the way you did with him.

Bless his heart.

You didn't kiss him that night because he wouldn't shut up about you and Yeri.

“I mean, why couldn't it be you? She clearly liked you if you two were hooking up for over a year” and when his hand came to rest on your back, under your shirt, you breath hitched enough for him to notice it but not enough for him to just don't do anything about it except trace the curve of your silhouette with the pad of his thumb “I don't understand why anyone would pass the opportunity to be with you.”

Huh. Maybe he did have feelings for you.

No. He's just being a great best friend. Don't take that for granted.

But it was impossible for you not to take Yeri’s words seriously as time went on.

You didn't want to think he was giving you mixed signals, but yet again there was that one time when you reached behind your passenger seat in your mothers car to pinch his leg playfully after he pulled on your hair a little bit from behind, only to end up holding his hand the rest of the car trip to his house.

His fingers slowly caressing the back of your hand were just too much for you not to get everything mixed up.

Or that other time when your school held a Woman's Day event, and your class president decided that all the boys in the class were going to give roses to the girls.

When it was your turn to get a rose, you knew no one would give you one. But Yeri stood in line and collected a rose from the bin before the class president had the opportunity to say anything else.

“I'll take that, thank you very much.” She turned to you, smiling. San blocked her way to you a second after.

“And just what do you think you're doing?”

“Giving my best girl a rose, of course.” She peeked around him, giving you a wink that you could only roll your eyes to.

San turned to you, the fondness in his eyes making you question the decision of not pretending to be sick that day. It was too much for you to handle.

“To the back of the line, then. I already called dibs on her,” he turned to your friend, snatching the rose from her hand in one swift move “I'll take that, thank you very much.”

He had no idea what that meant to you back then. It was true that, at school, he behaved a little differently than when you two were alone.

He was athletic, so he had some friends that you were sure used to ask him what the fuck was he doing wasting his time with a girl like you instead of getting a new girlfriend.

He had a family that didn't approve of yours, too. You felt it the first time you met his mom and, even though she was nice to you and your mom, you could feel the judgemental stare she gave both of you when your mom told her she was a single parent.

San told you that it didn't really matter, that his mom didn't have to like you because you weren't her friend, you were his.

He played with your feelings a little too well. Wanting him, adoring him and letting yourself be consumed by the thought of him loving you back was enough to keep it going. To ignore the fluttering way your heart kept beating whenever he talked to you which was all the time.

You assumed the way he behaved with you in private was the real him. The one who didn't care about appearances or his family approval.

The one who cared about you.

It was dizzying and fantastic and you thought he just might've been the love of your life.

But then he would tell you how much it hurted when he saw Arin at school and how much he missed her, the intimacy they shared before, and reality would come crashing down and setting your delusions on fire again.

He had sex with Arin. You would never stand a chance.

Or so you thought he did. Except when you overheard Arin speaking to her friends and that was the first time you ever got mad at Choi San.

“And, you know, me and San were never intimate like that so I wouldn't know but I think boys have no idea how to please a woman if they tried to.”

What?

Oh. So he lied to you.

And you were so upset by the thought of him making up stories of their intimate time together that it didn't even cross your mind that Arin might've been lying to save face.

So when he came back from the bathroom and sat at his usual desk in front of you, you didn't even think about his feelings when you decided to treat him like shit for lying about something so important like sex to your face.

“Leave me alone, San! I don't want to fucking talk to you right now!”

The hurt expression he gave you after that is one you would never be able to forget.

But you grew to be stubborn and a little overprotective of your own feelings, so you thought him playing the part of your best friend all these months and sweet talking to you was just another one of his lies.

“You guys not being friends right now doesn't make any fucking sense, sweetheart.” Wooyoung's tone is careful and laced with affection, but you knew he was playing the devil's advocate on behalf of San. With his arm around Gyuri’s shoulder (by that point, they were a thing for over two months) you could swear you saw him smirk when the nickname brought a scowl to your face.

He might've been worried, but he was also a little shit.

“You really are going to let Arin ruin what you two have?” Your best friend was, of course, on your side. But she was your best friend for a reason and her love included pointing out when you were behaving like an infant at the age of seventeen and a half.

“You two are practically dating and you're going to let the evil ex-girlfriend get in the way? Over something you weren't even supposed to hear in the first place? Come on.”

Again, Wooyoung was a little shit. And you were so upset about everything that you shyness couldn't even help the fury behind your reply:

“Stop saying that! We are not practically dating, he's in love with Arin and I'm not sure I even like him like that anymore!” Getting tired of everyone and their mother (your mother) feeding your delusions, you came to the conclusion that putting a stop to your friendship with Choi San was for the best.

And, in doing so, you ended up breaking your own heart for the second time in your life.

But he didn't put up an easy fight at all. You remember the feeling of pure joy when he grabbed your hand on the way to the cafeteria one day, pulling you so hard you almost ended up sitting in his lap, and the way his pleading eyes begged you to listen to him one last time.

“Us not being friends doesn't feel right, Y/N…” he said and the word he used to categorize what both of you had hurted you, but you pushed the feeling away “Please, let's not fight anymore. I don't even know what happened, but I forgive you for yelling at me and I hope you forgive me for whatever it is you think I did.”

Of course, you forgave him the next second without thinking too much about it. And for a while, everything went back to normal. You Skyped as usual and occasionally you let your other friends join the call even though it didn't really feel like it used to before.

The next thing you knew, your feelings were in full bloom again and when you realized it, it was too late.

Because by then, you had already let your childhood friend, Sunhee, join a few Skype calls and by the fourth one she invited her friend, Minseo, to them as well.

Terrible, terrible mistake. Because even through the screen, you could see that Minseo looked a lot like Arin with the added bonus that she was down to earth and cool and liked the same things San liked.

You liked the same things San liked as well, but it never seemed to matter.

Because not even two months after you decided to stop talking to San over a lie you weren't supposed to find out in the first place and then became friends one more time, he gets together with Minseo and you're sick to your stomach all over again.

You hated her. Not because she was, suddenly, his girlfriend (not girlfriend girlfriend, but in a friends with benefits arrangement you never even knew why he agreed on in the first place) but because suddenly she was so fucking obnoxious and didn't seem to like you either.

Was it not painfully obvious San didn't have feelings for you? Why was she mad at you then? You literally brought them together!

And all you got in return was her telling him she didn't feel comfortable with him having a girl best friend. That ungrateful bitch.

He stopped calling. He stopped texting, he stopped carpooling with you and your mom after school and he stopped caring whether your math assignment was done or not.

He stared pulling away more and more and it didn't matter how hard you tried to get him to talk to you, it seemed like he never really fucking cared about you in the first place.

And by may that year, you didn't speak to San anymore. Granted, the only person he did speak to was Wooyoung, but even their friendship was falling apart.

For the first time ever, San broke your heart firsthand. And it felt really, really fucking bad.

You cried to your mom about it, she reminded you that you were nothing but a great friend to him and that, if he didn't take the time to appreciate that, that was his loss not yours.

And she started hating him from that moment on. But you couldn't hate San, not even a little bit.

Why would you hate him for not liking you back? For not loving you the way you loved hi—

Your laptop closes down right in front of you and when you try to look up to find out who's responsible for interrupting your writing time, you get interrupted again.

“Ouch! What the fuck, Gyuri?” The slap to the back of your head is quick and filled with rage.

“What the fuck are you even writing. I can read from here, you know?”

“I'm just laying my feelings down and— Ouch! Stop that!” You try to hit her back but she turns away quickly when your hands almost knock her coffee mug out of hers.

“You can't possibly still have love for San, Y/N. It's been years.”

It's been four and a half, to be precise. But who's counting, right?

“And why are you writing it in third person? You don't usually do that.”

“I don't really know, Gyuri!”

“I’m telling you, this celebratory dinner bullshit it's affecting you way more than it should,” she sighs, plopping down on the couch of your shared living room, and you leave your seat at the table to join her “He might not even show up. He has that thing with Kyungmi.”

Kyungmi.

You couldn't get to that part on your open document, but San left Minseo when he met Kyungmi at one of the frat parties they love to attend. Wooyoung told you that he said that it was love at first sight and you even met her briefly when you picked Gyuri up from the apartment he and San got when they started college together.

She’s gorgeous and doesn't look like Arin or Minseo at all. It’s a different type of gorgeous. She's a year older than San and went to the same school as them and Gyuri.

You think you might even like her better than him.

You tried to be happy for San when you found out, but you two barely even speak a word to each other and you convinced yourself a while ago that you couldn't care less if he sees right through you and your fake smiles.

You gathered, after everything happened, that San knew you liked him and took advantage of that. Unintentionally, but he did anyway.

You sigh, resting your head on your best friend's shoulder. “It’s his best friend's celebratory dinner, though, he needs to be there.”

Two seconds pass and then you both say it at the same time: “He’s in love.”

And when San is in love, he has a one track mind with the name of his lover as the goal.

You nod, but you can't help but to be insistent “It's Wooyoung's celebratory dinner, he needs to show up, right?”

“I might not even show up, he's a pain in the ass.” She replies but you can tell her annoyance is not genuine and it makes you smile.

Gyuri and Wooyoung broke up towards the end of your first year of college but you all stayed close friends. A one year relationship was not enough to fuck up the friendship they had and they decided to stay civil until, eventually, they became close friends again.

To this day, you wonder why you and San couldn't rekindle your friendship when it became clear to you that you missed your friend and not the guy that you liked.

Because San was always your friend first and your first love second.

But it doesn't really matter anymore, because Gyuri is forcing you to shower and reminding you that you two need to keep Wooyoung on his best behavior tonight.

“That girl he used to like before me is going, he said. I looked her up, she's single and he needs to get together with her because I can't take him whining about it anymore.”

They keep things with each other way too civil, you think.

“I'm telling you, if we don't show up he's going to do that thing where he gets drunk and makes a fool of himself. I can't have that, I'm on a mission.”

“A mission to get your ex laid?” You ask, shampooing your hair.

“A mission to get him a girlfriend so he can stop crying to me about feeling lonely.”

“Maybe he wants you guys to—” The shower curtain opens and you see your best friend’s scowl before covering yourself up with your hands.

“Gyuri!”

“Don't you dare say what you were about to say or I'm divorcing you.”

You chuckle “Sure you are.”

You're left alone again with the water stream and she goes back to do her makeup “I told you back in ninth grade that we weren't a great fit and I was right. We can't get back together,” she sighs “It'll ruin everything.”

“I doubt it will but you guys have been friends longer than you were boyfriend and girlfriend, so I'll just have to deal with my parents being divorced and civil.”

“God, don't ever refer to us like that again— Oh! Speaking of parents,” you see her beam at her phone when you move the shower curtain to search for your towel and then she shows it to you “Mingi and Love just celebrated their one year anniversary!”

Love being Mingi’s best friend. Gyuri talks to you about her college friend group all the time. The drama fuels your dinner conversations, you even follow a few of them on social media.

“What does that have to do with parents?”

“They're the mom and dad of the group.”

San is in that friend group, you can see him in the back of the picture and you recognize his apartment layout too. He's not the main focus of it but he's all you can see until you notice the couple sitting near him on the couch.

The picture shows both of them, her in his lap and Mingi looking at her with stars in his eyes.

Good for them.

“Is that the girl he was friends with forever before they finally realized that they were in love?”

“Yeah,” she sighs in contempt, looking down at the picture again “I was there the day it happened. I mean, not physically with them, but they left Yunho's party together and I told Wooyoung that it was finally about to happen!”

Gyuri is not a romantic person at all. Her excitement shows you that she really loves them and so you soften at the news that would usually give you and your dry love life a headache “It was the day before you called me to get you out of that awful date.”

Ah, that also happened back then. You shudder at the memory.

“Tell them I say congrats, babe.”

“I'm bringing you as my plus one.”

You laugh, confused “To where?”

“Their wedding, duh.”

“They practically just got together,” you remind her, a year is not enough time to propose “And I don't really know them, Gyuri!”

“They love you,” she assures you as you step out of the shower “I have been speaking about your antisocial ass for years. They can't wait to meet you.”

“So you've been shit talking behind my back for years? Is that what I'm hearing?”

She laughs “No, babe, that's Wooyoung's job.”

Clearing your throat and looking at your friend through the mirror, you try to be as nonchalant as you can when you ask: “Has he… Did he tell you if…”

“No, Y/N, I have no clue if San is going or not and Wooyoung is actually mad at him at the moment.”

“Why?”

She looks at you, sighing “He's been lacking as a friend lately.”

“Hm.”

“I hope you're not planning on swooning if you see him. Fuck him, Y/N.”

“I know…”

“And by fuck him I mean he doesn't deserve you or your forgiveness.”

“He didn't do anything to me, Gyuri,” you remind her, shrugging “Not reciprocating my feelings is not a crime so I don't have to forgive him for anything.”

You can practically feel her starting the San hate train engine, so you step out of the bathroom but her voice follows you.

“And what about that time he ditched you for Minseo when you asked him to go with you to that medical appointment, huh?”

“Cut it out, Gyuri…”

But her head peaks around the corner, into the hall where you're rushing towards your room “Or that time when—”

“Can't hear you!” Turning to look at her, she gives you an affectionate middle finger and heads back to the bathroom.

Closing the door, you lean into the thin wood and sigh, getting San’s face out of your mind so you can focus on getting ready and actually show up for Wooyoung and Wooyoung only.

He just got a permanent position after completing his internship at a company that's your company's rival. He's going to crush you and steal clients from you but you are genuinely so happy for him.

You should've guessed he enjoyed books as much as you did back in highschool. The debates he used to have with Gyuri were not all about flirting with her but also because he has a passion for books.

And now he's going to work in the same field as you.

You're so proud of your friend.

As you get ready, you remember the excitement cruising through your body when your boss trusted you enough to give you the first manuscript of a new client so you could edit it. You're sure Wooyoung is going to do better than you, taking into account that he actually went to college for this.

You didn't.

You met your boss at the part-time job you got in senior year, when you were trying to distract yourself from all the pain and the horrors of becoming a grown up. She was chatty, got a little too drunk on soju and told you she was starting her own book publishing company.

When she returned months later after remembering that you told her you loved books and would love to work for as a publisher one day, she offered you a job in her company right after graduating highschool.

You took it because you didn't think an opportunity like this would show up ever again.

She was truly a blessing, the kind of person you never really believed in until she taught you all you needed to know about publishing and editing and encouraged you to take online classes during the nights so you could get, at least, a certification on what you do.

You're proud of yourself too. The opportunity found you in a specific moment of your life where both your heart and your self esteem were destroyed and now you're not the person you used to be.

Maybe that's why the possibility of facing San makes you so nervous. Collective memories are dangerous because the details never match the ones on the other person's head.

You know who you were back then but… Are you the same person in San’s head?

You don't even want to find out.

Scanning your outfit in the mirror for the last time, you take the shoes you're wearing tonight out of your closet and walk over to the living room.

Only to find Gyuri laying on the carpet under the coffee table, half dressed and on her phone.

“You're going to mess up your hair.”

“I don't care, I'm not going.”

Sighing, you sit down on the couch and staring at the wood of the table covering her face.

“What happened now?”

“The bitch canceled!”

“Wooyoung?”

Poking her head out, she frowns at you “No, his first love.”

“You were his first love.”

“You know what I'm talking about, Y/N!”

Laughing at her, you offer her your hand “Get dressed. Who cares if she's not going? He's not going to sulk because he's going to have you and his best friends there.”

She whines like a child when you pull her up from the floor “I had a plan!”

“Then make a new one, babe. We're going to be late.”

She starts to whine again but then stops mid-groan to give you a once over. You shift uncomfortably on your feet, suddenly self-conscious about your appearance for the first time in years.

“You look really hot…” she tells you and you fake gag at her words “Really pretty. Like a fairy and a smoke show at the same time.”

You can't possibly look like that when you have such a simple outfit on, floor length high waist black pants and a flowy sleeve top that ties in the middle. It's barely formal but now you're thinking too hard about it.

Blushing, you wave your hand to dismiss her compliment “Oh, my god. Go and change!”

She rushes to her room on the opposite end of the hall and you finally breathe, looking down at your choice of fit and wondering if it's too much.

Gyuri would've told you if that's the case, but either way it haunts your mind in the car on the way there, leg bouncing up and down under your best friend's judging gaze that only softens when you pout at her.

“They are going to love you, babe. I'm so serious, they've been waiting years to meet you.”

You nod because, yes, you're concerned that her friend group is not all as welcoming as she paints them to be.

And you wish your doubts would go away but you're really, really not good at making friends. You're cautious, extremely closed off to new people and not as good with conversation no matter how much confidence you gained over the past years.

When you walk to the loudest table at the laid back restaurant their friend Seonghwa made the reservation at, you think you won't be able to fit in with everyone else. You feel like an intruder, like Gyuri is supposed to enjoy this part of her life without you here.

That's why you rejected every invitation they ever made.

You celebrate birthdays with her, with Woo as well, but it's all very intimate and separate from their social circle, the one that includes the man you haven't fully faced in years.

But you can't exactly back out now, not when one of them turns to you and seems to light up when they see you.

“Oh? Is this her?” you recognize Hongjoong from pictures, he's the only one facing you when you approach the table, lowkey hiding behind Gyuri like a child.

“Who?”

“Huh?”

San is nowhere to be seen. Thank god.

Slowly, everyone turns around and you see their faces light up with both delight and surprise. Your heart is pounding, you feel it in your throat, in your eyes, in the heat that colors your cheeks.

But Gyuri just steps aside and presents you with a smile “This is her!”

“Oh, Y/N!” Wooyoung gets up, rushing towards you and crashing into your frame with a crushing hug “I'm so glad you're here,” he murmurs into your hair and then turns to his friends, quiet them down “Everyone, this is Y/N, one of my best friends in the entire world.”

He's such a dramatic human being.

You love him so much.

Raising your hand, you shyly wave at them “Hi.”

The entire table erupts with joy. Some of them greet you, some of them are saying that they are happy to be finally meeting you and Wooyoung grabs your arm and plops you down into the seat next to Gyuri, at the edge of the table.

Laughing, you apologize for not meeting them sooner and then you feel a pair of hands on your shoulders.

Panic raising, you quickly turn around to see who it is before releasing a shuddering, but calmer, breath.

“She's a very busy woman, guys. She works for the competition, my competition,” everyone gasps at that but Wooyoung is smiling at you “and she's very good at what she does. Which means she's busy, get off her case,” he puts a glass and a can of beer in front of you “Drink, babe.”

“Thanks, babe.” You whisper back and he leans in to peck your head before going away.

Gyuri groans “Stop stealing that from us! It's our thing, Y/N, don't indulge him.”

“It's his celebratory dinner…” you argue with a laugh that Hongjoong and Mingi follow.

“Yeah! Can you get off my case tonight, Gyuri?”

She huffs, wrapping her arms around you “I hate you all.”

“No you don't!”

The table laughs and everyone returns to their individual conversations when Woo sits down on his spot.

There's a few seats left, one besides Mingi and one right in front of you but you don't think too much about it because soon Gyuri gets up to ask Yeosang something and Seonghwa occupies her seat right beside you.

You think he can sense that you're more shy than you let on, because he doesn't include you in whatever he and Yunho were talking about and waits until he stops talking to him to turn to you.

“So, you work for a publishing company?”

The question catches you off guard and you swallow the beer quickly before nodding “Y-yeah, I… Yeah.”

He chuckles “You're nervous.”

“I'm just not as good at meeting people as Gyuri is. She usually does the job and I tag along.”

“I feel like I know you already, though.” He says, leaning back on his chair.

“Because she talks a lot about me?” he nods “Yeah, she tends to do that.”

“Wooyoung also talks a lot about you, San too… Sometimes,” your cheeks heat up and he misinterprets what it means “All good things, I promise.”

You doubt that.

Your brain gives you a hundred and one possible things San could've said about you.

For some reason, none of them are good. But you choose to believe the gorgeous, long haired guy in front of you.

“Well that's good to hear,” you take another sip of your drink before smiling at him “I was sure Woo was trash talking about me.”

He shakes his head with a smile “He wouldn't dare, he has Gyuri on his ass all the time and I'm sure she would kill him.”

“I'm sure she would kill him even if he didn't do it.”

His smile grows wider “That's true,” he says, looking over at them who are, very coincidentally, fighting about something. You let out a sigh and he laughs again before clearing his throat “So, the publishing company. What kind of books do you like to edit the most?”

Your smile grows wider too.

For the next hour, you talk to Seonghwa about your job and how you started in it. He asks you about your classes and the challenges that you face on a daily basis and Wooyoung overhears and ends up joining the conversation as well.

You don't even hear footsteps nearing until a voice cuts everyone off.

“I'm sorry I'm late!”

“Baby!” Mingi gets up from his seat, but no one else does so he's stuck between the table and his girlfriend.

“Oh, that's Love, huh?” you ask Seonghwa, Wooyoung too entertained messing with the couple to hear you anyways.

“Yeah… Is that how Gyuri refers to her?” He frowns.

“Mhm,” you answer, leaning into him like you're about to tell him an important secret “I'm not supposed to call her that, don't tell her.”

Seonghwa leans in too, pretending to zip his mouth shut and you laugh.

The girl wiggles her way into the seat reserved for her and everyone lets out a groan when they smooch each other. You can only giggle and the sound draws her attention to you “Y/N?”

You quickly nod “Yeah, hi, nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you! Finally, I thought Wooyoung and Gyuri had an imaginary friend,” you laugh, shrugging at the joke “Love your outfit, by the way, are those— Oh, San, hi— Are those jellyfish?”

You want to answer. You truly do, the yes right at the tip of your tongue, but words leave you when you turn your head around and find San already looking at you with wide eyes.

He looks great, he's a bit more muscular than what the pictures show and than the last time that you saw him, his arms hugging the fabric of the dress shirt he's wearing like it was tailored for him and everything.

How dare he.

You wonder if his heart is beating as loud as yours is right now. If he's surprised, disappointed or happy to see you at all.

“Her favorite animal.” He answers for you “Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi…” you whisper back and it feels like you're in a trance. He doesn't look away but the table quieting down once again snaps you out of it and you turn to the girl with a wide smile that you hope conceals whatever the fuck you're feeling at the moment “I love jellyfishes. Had a phase as a child when I would exclusively talk about them, too,” you chuckle, nervously, reaching for your earrings instinctively “Gyuri gave them to me as a present last Christmas.”

You definitely overshared just now. From the corner of your eye you catch your best friend getting ready to step in if needed.

Love looks at you, then at San (who's just standing next to you without uttering a word) and then back at you again, smiling like she just figured something out “Well, I love them.”

“Thanks…”

Coughing unnecessarily loud, Wooyoung gets up from his seat “You're late.”

It takes a second but San tears his gaze away from you to look at his best friend and you take the opportunity to chug down the rest of your beer “Sorry, something came up.”

Seonghwa turns at that and looks at him as well “You good?”

“I am. Did you guys already eat? I'm starving.”

“Nope. We're about to order. Let me get you a drink, come here.” And just like that, he disappears from your view and you almost sigh in relief.

“Are you good?” Seonghwa asks you next and you reckon he's very observant. But then again, you're not the most gracious human being when you're in San’s presence, so, you figure everyone else noticed your change of mood as well.

“Yeah, I just… I haven't seen him in a while and I didn't think he was coming. I was surprised, that's all.”

“I can see that,” his eyes move around your face for some reason, frowning a little bit but then he seems to let it go, getting the menu closer to you “Okay, good, um… I actually made the reservation here because they have the best samgyeopsal in town.”

“Do they?”

“Mhm, so…”

He helps you pick your food and when it's time to order, he moves back to his seat. Gyuri asks you with her eyes if you're okay, you nod and grab her hand under the table with a tiny smile and then everyone is moving around to make space for San and Woo once they return.

He doesn't sit in front of you.

Relief floods you and you can finally feel your muscles relax as he is so far away, at the other end of the table and in the same row of seats, so you don't really see him unless you really try.

Which you don't, so your food goes down easy and the rest of the night as well.

Until everyone but you and Seonghwa move around their seats and he ends up right in your point of view as you do your best to ignore him and focus on his friend.

Seonghwa asks you about your hobbies, you tell him that you love to write movie essays on websites no one even cares to read and he asks you to show it to him so he can look it up when he gets home.

“And you've always done this? Since highschool?”

You nod and he beams “I read like the first three lines and it looks really good, Y/N. Is that why you love books so much? Because you're a writer?”

“I wouldn't consider myself a writer but… Sure, I love to write.”

“Did you know this?” he turns to San and your smile drops a little.

“Know what?”

“Your friend is an excellent writer.”

“Oh, I know. She, uh… Used to write stories on her notebook instead of paying attention in math class,” he sips on his drink and at the detail you didn't know he knew, you turn to him fully “I used to read over her shoulder sometimes.”

“She's really good.” Seonghwa is looking at your phone, still reading “Really smart, too.”

San’s jaw tenses a little and you can't understand why “I know.” He says again.

His friend is none the wiser, blocking your phone and returning it to you “I like it,” he says, smiling and you blush “The essay.” He clarifies after a second, prompting a laugh out of you that he joins.

San doesn't laugh, but you don't pay attention to him because Seonghwa is asking you something else.

When it's time to leave the restaurant, Wooyoung suggests going back to his apartment to milk the get-together as much as you all can.

You all throw your napkins at him in feign disgust at the choice of words but you all accept his proposal either way.

So now you're sitting on the couch, legs crossed and head on Gyuri’s shoulder while you listen to all of them talk (more like argue) about something that happened at their university last week, their voices drowning the soft music playing out of the tiny speaker resting on the counter.

San is on the floor, to your right. It's hard to keep your eyes off him when you feel him looking at you when you close your eyes and let the noise fade into the background. It's not like you're able to add something to the conversation anyway and Gyuri seems to be drinking her sorrows (not being able to hook Woo up with the girl she told you about) away.

Your best friend is slurring her words already, drink in hand and index finger pointing at Jongho accusatively because, apparently, the fight they're talking about was his fault.

“You don't—” she hiccups “You don't even know why it was your fault and it pisses me off even more, you know?”

“Okay, let me take that.” Taking the drink from her hand and before she starts complaining you stand up to make your way into the kitchen.

The sink is full and a mess, so you pour the liquid into it and leave the glass sitting right beside it. Distracted by the dilemma of helping Woo out with the dishes or not, you don't notice someone else also entering the space.

That's why you jump a little when you turn and catch Seonghwa leaning on the wall by the entrance. It startles you enough to laugh the nerves out afterwards and he shakes his head, smiling.

“Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. They're boring me to death with the fight story.”

You nod, realizing that maybe that's because he doesn't attend the university anymore. He told you he graduated last year “They're too drunk to let it go.”

“Too drunk to dance to this amazing song, too. Who's playlist is that?” he frowns and you rest your back into the sink, rolling your eyes because he's pretending he doesn't know “Oh! Right, it's mine.”

“And they just don't know how to appreciate it, huh?” he shrugs and you click your tongue “They're such bad friends, Seonghwa, I truly don't know why you keep them around.”

“You appreciate it,” it's your turn to frown and he leaves his spot at the wall to walk towards you “You were singing along to it,” he explains and you let out an ah, nodding as he extends his palm to you, clearly inviting you to dance.

“Oh, I don't… I don't really know how to—”

“I'll show you.”

His kind eyes are asking you to trust him. You really, really shouldn't.

No matter how hard you try to bury the hopeless romantic little girl who decided to have a crush on a guy back in ninth grade, she's still there, begging you to let loose and live a little.

When you grab Seonghwa’s hand, you think the smile he gives you was worth listening to her.

You can't even tell the song that's softly playing anymore, a mellow r&b melody reaches your ear but you are not listening. You're focused on him, on the way he spins you around even if it doesn't fit the bit, on the way he laughs softly against your ear when he pulls you close by your hand and then pulls away just as quickly.

Laughing as well, the spell of this beautiful stranger (because you remind yourself you don't really know him that well) is hard to break.

Until it does.

Someone clearing their throat behind you stops you and Seonghwa's feet from moving any further. When the tall, older guy turns you around, you're face to face with San and his scowl.

“Sorry to interrupt but I need to get started on the dishes. Everyone else is heading out too,” he looks behind you, at the man who's still standing close to you and grabbing your hand “In case you want to ask Mingi for a ride.”

“They finally stopped fighting!” he fakes excitement, finally letting go of your hand and walking in front of you, blocking San with his body. You chuckle, barely clapping your hands to join the pretense as he's pulling up his phone “Can I ask for your number, Y/N?”

Blinking a few times, you're not sure if your heart speeds up because he's asking or because you hear San sigh exasperated behind him “S-sure.”

When you put your information on his phone, he bids you goodbye with a pat on your head and hugs San on his way out the kitchen.

Now that you two are alone, you suddenly want to run and join Seonghwa. You were doing so, so well.

Avoiding San like the plague it's much easier when you're safe hiding behind your two best friends.

Ignoring his stare would be much easier if you weren't stuck into place.

“I—”

“You—”

You both speak over each other and you force out an uncomfortable laugh that he doesn't return. Instead, he motions you to go first while he occupies the space in front of the sink, turning the faucet on. In doing so, he has to grab your waist and move you out of the way which makes you short circuit for a second “I was going to help you with that.” You finally stammer out.

He lets out what you take as an annoyed chuckle.

“You seemed busy, I don't know how you would've done it.”

Ouch.

Why do you allow his words to cut so deep when you stopped caring about what he does a long time ago?

The band aid rips, the stitches come undone and all it took him were five seconds to melt your resolve away like it was never there in the first place.

“I'll… I go get Gyuri so we can leave Woo and you to get to it, then.”

“Bathroom.” You hear him mutter under his breath as you are taking the final step to leave.

“Huh?”

“She's in the bathroom, probably puking her breakfast out,” he looks up at you to give you a tiny smile “You left her alone with Jongho and Woo for five minutes so she got ahold of another drink.”

“God damnit.”

Rushing out, you run into everyone else at the door and Mingi has to let go of his very intoxicated girlfriend when she reaches you to give you a hug “Don't be a stranger, Y/N! It was lovely to be around you, hm?”

The sudden physical contact almost makes you gasp but you cover it up with a shy giggle “O-oh. Yeah, um, lovely to meet you too. All of you.”

“Sorry about that,” her boyfriend grabs her arms and breaks the hug “She's right, though. Don't be a stranger.”

You nod once, smiling a little more sincerely now and everyone says bye to you, including Seonghwa, who grabs your hand one last time and gives it a squeeze before closing the front door of the apartment.

You think you feel your heart skip a tiny bit under all the shit San’s words pulled up to the surface a minute ago. But there's no time to dwell in that: you hear Gyuri opening up the bathroom door before gagging and closing it again with a slam.

Jesus Christ.

You two are really getting old. You stopped drinking like an hour ago, when you were starting to feel tipsy after your second beer, and you know she didn't drink as much as she used to maybe four years ago, but the visage that welcomes you when you open the door and find her crouched down in front of the toilet certainly brings back memories of those times.

“I left you alone for like… five minutes.” Sighing, you lean in to hold her flimsy ponytail and pat her back.

“I'm good,” she gags again and then holds up her hand to stop you from saying anything else “I'm fine.”

Smiling, you help her up and she grabs the counter as she's washing away the taste of whatever she ate earlier today and alcohol “Me when I lie…”

“Y/N!” she hits your arm but the movement somehow almost makes her trip.

“You want to lay down?”

“Is she okay?” Woo’s head peaks into the bathroom and when he sees his ex, he makes a face.

“Does she look like she's okay?” you help her out of the bathroom and start heading for Wooyoung's room.

“Wow, wow— Where do you think you're taking her?”

“To your room, dumbass!”

“Why mine? San's is literally right there.” He whines, pointing at the door you pass by without a second thought. You don't want to know where his room is or what it looks like at all.

“Yeah, well, did San get her this drunk?”

“How was I supposed to know that she was at her almost black-out phase? She never drinks that much in front of me!” he complains again but you're already tugging Gyuri in, who mumbles something incoherent and then flips Wooyoung off “Na Gyuri if you puke on my bed I swear to God!”

If you didn't know Wooyoung so much, the whining and the attitude would probably make you think he didn't care for her at all. But he's brushing her hair out of her forehead, securing the blanket around her and moving to take her socks off when you reach the door.

“I'm guessing you're okay with her staying the night?”

“Of course you guys can stay the night, Y/N.” He says and he stumbles a little to get to you, so you smile and shake your head, about to let him know that you're not staying anywhere near his roommate when he continues “You can come over whenever you like. You know that, right?”

“I know, Woo.”

“I barely even see you these days, I… Oh! I forgot!” he points to the end of the hall, towards the kitchen “You guys don't really like each other so maybe don't come over when he's here because I don't want to see you sad!”

“Lower your voice,” you whisper to him, bringing a hand to his face and patting his cheek a few times to wake him up “Did the alcohol suddenly hit you or something?” you sigh for the umpteenth time “Anyways, you should lay down and I'll get going. I'll come pick her up tomorrow and—”

“That's such a great idea! Oh, I'm a genius.”

“You didn't come up with it, Wooyoung.”

“San!” he calls all of the sudden and you wish he was sober enough to read the panic on your features. He seems much, much sober when his best friend starts walking down the hall and stops right beside you “Take Y/N home, please, she's going to give you a bag that you must protect with your life.”

Said best friend looks at you, his eyebrow arched in a silent question “Gyuri’s stuff.”

“Ah.”

“Go, go. It's getting late, I'll just… I'll cuddle with my ex until you get home.”

And she has the nerve to say he doesn't want her back.

When the door to Wooyoung's room closes and you're left with San on the poorly lit hallway, you make a mental note to never step foot on this place or allow your friends to drink ever again.

You don't even look at the guy before practically running down the hallway and reaching for your bag. You make sure your phone is secured in your pocket as you slip your shoes on and soon you're grabbing the front door knob and twisting it.

Keys jingle next to you but, again, you don't spare San a glance.

“So—”

“I'll get out of your hair, you don't have to… walk me home or whatever he said.”

“Y/N, it's late.”

Turning to him, your smile is as fake as the ones you've been giving him the past couple of years “And I'm a grown up, San, I can walk myself home.”

“What about Gyuri’s stuff?”

“She can wear Wooyoung's clothes, it's not like they never shared before. Anyway… Thank you for having me, it was nice to see you. Goodnight.” Your response comes out fast and it sounds as planned out as it actually is, kinda robotic and devoid of actual emotion.

San can't see through you the way you see through him. It's okay, he won't mind it.

He probably won't mind that you close his own door on his face either.

If that door is what you hear when you're making your way down the stairs in order to make a fast escape, you choose to ignore it.

You have to stop mid-way to compose yourself. You don't know why you feel like crying or why your heart is beating so fast.

You knew going in that there was a possibility of seeing him tonight. You know how San affects you, so effortless and seemingly like no time has passed at all in between senior year and present day.

You know all of this already, it's an endless loop that will keep repeating until you either move away or decide to stop agreeing to Wooyoung's plans all together.

So why is your chest heaving with emotion? Why is nostalgia playing mind tricks with you? Why do you want to turn back and hug him and beg him to turn back time so you can do it all differently now that you know how to look like and what to say to make him love you back?

Ah, you're definitely not sleeping tonight. So you start distracting yourself while walking down the stairs again. You remind yourself to tell a much sober Wooyoung how proud you are of him. You think about Seonghwa, about his kind eyes and the way he grabbed your hand to dance with him just half an hour ago. You wonder how long it will take you to get home if you jog all the way there. You—

Why the fuck is San outside when you get there?

In a comedic way, you can see your attempt to distract your mind off of him slipping through your fingers and evaporating in the warm summer night breeze.

In a realistic way, you're fucking pissed at him for taking the opportunity of a good night sleep away from you.

You pass him and start jogging like you planned a minute ago. Footsteps follow you until his arm brushes yours and you take a step to the side to stop it from happening again.

“Go home, Choi San.”

“Stop fighting it, Y/N. I'm walking you home.”

“It's a twenty minute walk—”

“Drop it.”

You do. And for the first ten minutes, no one utters a word even if the tension feels electric and the street is so quiet so you can hear when his breath accelerates when he jogs to catch up to you whenever you try to leave him behind.

Isn't that ironic. He was the one who left you behind all those years ago.

“I didn't know that you danced.”

He breaks the uncomfortable but safe silence to say that?

“Well, you saw me dance so I clearly dance when I want to.”

“You never danced with me.”

“You never asked me to.”

He laughs “I'm pretty sure I did on several occasions, Y/N.”

“Well, you're wrong,” you're getting annoyed. How dare he think he remembers better than you? “It doesn't matter anyway, what's past is past and—”

“You also gave Hwa your number,” he interrupts, his long legs taking two strides to get in front of you, still walking, facing your direction with his hands on his pockets.

It's dangerous and stupid, even if the streets are practically empty and the sidewalk barely has any bumps.

You hope he falls on his pretty face.

“I did.*

“I don't have your number.”

“Well, I changed it and you never asked for it, so…”

“You could've called me or texted me to let me know you did it.”

He's getting on your nerves.

“San,” you start, taking in a deep breath you hope calms you down “We don't even text anymore, why would you want my number?”

“Do you like him?”

“Seonghwa?” you ask, frowning and he nods “Like… As a person?”

“As a potential love interest.” He clarifies matter-of-factly and you roll your eyes.

“I met him today, San. Why do you want my number?”

“Because we're friends?” he offers after a second, shifting so he's walking by your side again.

“Are we?” you ask, laughing bitterly at that “Because we haven't spoken a word to each other in years.”

“That's not true.”

“It is, San.”

“You… You don't speak to me anymore, so…”

“Well your girlfriend at the time told me she didn't feel comfortable with me speaking to you anymore,” you sigh “so I didn't and you didn't try to talk to me either.”

“Well, I want to talk to you now.”

“And is your new girlfriend aware of that? Is she comfortable with that? Because I don't want anyone telling me what to do anymore and—”

“Why wouldn't she be comfortable? We're friends, Y/N.”

“Are we?” you insist, petty, bitter and overall very, very hurt.

He looks offended at that “I assumed we were?”

He's getting on your fucking nerves.

“We stopped being friends the second Minseo asked me to stay away from you because she didn't like me, San.”

“She’s not in my life anymore—”

The words are coming out of your mouth without even thinking it through. His demeanor, the way he's somehow reproaching you for whatever he saw between you and his friend, the way he pretends nothing happened between you and him, thinking that you two are still friends.

“We stopped being friends when you pulled away from me, saw me do the same and did nothing to stop it from happening, San.”

He stops in his tracks at that. You don't, pushing forward and quickening your step even if your calves burn.

“Either way,” you speak up “Make sure you tell your girlfriend about wanting my number and then you can ask Seonghwa for it if you want—”

“She's not my girlfriend anymore!”

Now that stops you, just a few buildings down from yours, you turn around just to find San closer that you thought he'll be.

“O-oh. I… I didn't know that. I'm sorry.”

“You didn't do anything to be sorry for.”

“Still, it must suck so I'm sorry you're going through that.”

“We didn't want the same things and so we ended it. It is what it is.”

You nod.

He walks the few steps separating you and you have to raise your chin a little to look him in the eye for the first time since you left his apartment “I wanted to tell you.”

“That you broke up with your girlfriend?”

“Yeah, I don't know why. It happened when I broke up with Minseo too, I just… You're the first person that I thought of calling when it happened. I texted you, too, but the messages didn't go through.”

You hum at that.

Why would he even say that?

You resume your step, not really knowing what to say until you reach the stairs that lead to your building’s entrance.

“And you didn't ask Woo for my number?”

He follows you up.

“I don't think he would've given it to me if I asked.”

That sounds like an excuse, so you don't let it slide as you enter the code to your building and let yourself inside, San holding the door so he can get in as well “Why would he do that?”

“Because he…” San sighs, pressing the elevator button “Nevermind. He just wouldn't.”

Frowning, you turn to him “No, now you have to tell me.”

“It doesn't matter, really—”

“Tell me, San.”

He stares for a second and then looks away, like a child, vulnerable and you can't help but soften at that “He didn't like the way I treated you.”

Eating your words from before, you shake your head “You didn't treat me like anything.”

The elevator dings and you get inside.

San follows you.

“Exactly,” he says, resting his shoulder on the metal “Like you said I just did nothing and—”

“Well, sometimes that's just what happens,” you want to end this. You want to pack Gyuri’s bag, give it to him and never see him again.

This conversation hurts, it reopens barely closed wounds and it creates new ones you don't really need when it comes to whatever happened between you two.

There's only so much a person can handle and it really doesn't help that you're a fool for San. He takes advantage of it, of the fact you can't really push him away at this point and the fact that he wants to have this conversation now instead of four and half years ago?

Mean.

He's mean. He's evil. He's… He's staring at you with a spark in his eyes that you recognize too well.

Hope.

When you get to your floor, you try to wipe the image away while busying yourself with your keys. Your hands tremble a little but you're able to open the door of your apartment and get in without inviting him.

He gets in anyway. You take off your shoes as he closes the front door.

He stays silent as he follows you around the apartment and you don't worry about turning the lights on. You get into Gyuri’s room and start picking out a comfy hangover outfit for your friend. Some clean underwear, sweatpants, two shirts and socks.

When you drop to the floor, in front of the closet, to look for a bag to stash all of it in, San silently clutches beside you.

“It shouldn't have happened to us. Never us.”

You can't take it anymore.

“San, what is this? What are you doing? I mean, why are we—”

“I know.”

“It's been years…”

“I miss you.”

He's so mean. But the softness in his tone resembles the one he used all the way back in highschool, when he told you that not being friends with you didn't feel right and you want to cave in right there and then.

Your heart screams at you to do it, your reason warns you that you both have been through this before and it never ends right.

You simply can't stay friends with Choi San.

Your love for him must run too deep, your resentment claws at it and tries to hurt it but it's an immovable force that won't budge even if you try to bury it under the years that have passed, the things he has done.

Tears gather in your eyes and you try to blink them away as you stare at your best friend's clothes on your lap and try to come up with something to close this path up again, reconstruct the picket fence you built around it the second he broke your heart for the first time.

“Yeah,” you whisper back, letting the walls fall a little “I miss you too but I don't think I miss whatever version of you you are right now, San.”

“W-what?”

His shaky voice makes the walls crumble and crash.

Turning to him, your hand shakes as you place it on top of his “And you don't miss the version of me I am right now. You miss what I was back then, the comfort and the shoulder to cry on I offered you when Arin and you broke up. You miss my availability and the way I didn't press my feelings on you because it didn't matter if I liked you or not, you were my friend first and the guy that I had a crush second but—” you choke up, tears falling down your cheeks even if you don't want them to “I can't do it anymore. I'm not that girl anymore and I won't be there for you now that you and Kyungmi broke up because I can't handle it. I can't, I'm sorry.”

He doesn't deny any of it.

He stares at you, tears wetting his cheeks as well and it hurts even more this way. You wish you had the strength to hold it together, to treat him like you did on the street a few minutes ago, but you can't.

There's no way you could ever hate him like you want to.

“You know…” he starts in a whisper, letting out a humorless chuckle “That's what I used to tell myself too.”

“Hm?”

“That you were my friend first and the girl that I had a crush on second.”

How dare he mutter the words you always wanted to hear, the ones you picture being said in a different setting, the ones that haunted your every waking thought that period of time you doubted your friends, your mom, yourself for even believing Choi San could ever have a crush on you.

He doesn't get to say them. You want to tell him but the words die on your throat and form a lump that you can't swallow down.

You don't get to say that. You don't get to say that.

Your hand drops from his and you look away again only to grab the first bag you find on the closet floor and shove Gyuri’s stuff in it.

If the lack of response it's what prompts the hurt in his voice the next time he speaks, you don't want to think about it.

“I wish I didn't. Now it's too late to do something about it, huh?”

This time the rage comes back with a mask on. Feing settlement for all the what if’s covers you like a blanket on a really hot summer night: unwanted, unnecessary.

But you can't sleep without it, so you do nothing to push it away.

“I guess it is.”

You get up from the floor, leaving the room and wiping your face with bitterness coating your movements as you wait by the door for him to get out.

When he does and he steps in front of you, you extend the bag and he takes it without missing a beat.

Voice robotic and words premeditated, you open the front door for him “Thanks for walking me home and taking this back.”

He leans a little into your space and you don't move away. But just as he did in highschool, he takes in your hitched breath and does nothing more.

“Thanks for letting me talk to you.”

He didn't give you much of a choice there but it's okay. This is closure, this is the end of your story with Choi San and you convince yourself you're glad that it is.

“Sure,” you whisper back and he steps outside, turning around to watch you slowly close the door “goodnight, San.”

He doesn't say it back.

When the darkness of your apartment engulfs you, that's when you let yourself breakdown. Covering your mouth with your palm, you descend until your knees are against the wood on the floor and closing your eyes you make it a point to let it all out.

You'll let it all out, drink some water, text Wooyoung and Gyuri to let them know you're safe and go to bed.

And tomorrow you'll begin your day with the freedom of finally knowing what would've happened if you or San ever took the next step.

This is fine. This is moving on. This is—

The doorbell rings.

Opening the door again, you crease your eyebrows in a silent question that San doesn't care to answer, so you look around the floor in case he forgot something you're missing. You wipe your cheeks and under your eyes as you turn to him again “Did you—”

Time slows down when he makes it past the threshold and you can't move an inch, gaping at who you once thought was the love of your life “What are you doing, San?”

“Something about it.”

“What?”

“Forgive me,” he asks, breathless and in a murmur, fueling your confusion. And then he's closing the distance, dropping Gyuri’s bag and cupping your face so gently that it hurts “but I'm doing something about it.”

You stopped dreaming about the possibility of San kissing you that one time you two were on your bed and, another time, you told yourself that, if it ever happened, you wouldn't kiss him back.

It's too late to kiss him back.

But sparks fly when he crushes you against the wall and takes in a breath before slothing his mouth against yours like he's been waiting to do this every single day for the past nine years you've known each other.

There's nothing you can do to conceal the way yearning takes over you, pours out of you, making you breathe into his open mouth and kiss him back like you always wanted to.

You already know it is a mistake by the time you grab his shirt to keep him in place but does it really matter when this is all you ever wanted?

Feeling warmth leave your face, you notice the way he desperately crowds your space as his chest bumps into yours, leg claiming its place in between yours, the palm that leaves you pressing against the wall, next to your head.

The kiss is filled with emotion, with longing and desire and it steals the air out of your lungs tragically and beautifully at the same time. Before, you used to dream about his lips making everything feel right, making you fit in in a world you didn't feel like you belonged to.

But this kiss drops you into uncharted territory, drags you into the depths of something that should be buried by now, after all this time. It brings the flame back to life and it's dangerous.

The fact that it feels this way, both marvelous and catastrophic at the same time, makes you so sad.

Sorrow descends down your face until your mouth is picking it up and your tongue is mixing it with whatever emotion is cruising through San right now.

You have to know.

He spent your entire youth and early adulthood keeping it to himself, knowing when to show his true colors and when to hide them, choosing who to do it with and you realize the San that lives in your head is nothing but a figment of what you wanted him to be.

Because him holding to your waist like it's his only lifeline doesn't fit the San you remember, him telling you he liked you back then doesn't fit the guy who was just your best friend.

You need to know.

“San,” brokenly, you speak into his mouth and he pulls away just enough to see your face. Your eyes remain closed, your chest heaving and your lips trembling “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I want you, Y/N.”

You push him away, weakly, almost like you don't really mean it because deep down you don't but he steps away like you're asking to.

Because, of course, your mind scraps the bottom of your resentment to give his words a completely new meaning.

“You can find another girl to fuck and be your rebound, San,” more tears spill down and you wipe them away in anger but more threat to fall down so you cover your face with your hands and groan, desperate “I can't do this, especially not when I know that you know how bad I wanted you. Y-you know what you do to me San so stop—”

“I want you in my life. I don't— What? I don't want you like a rebound, I… Can we sit down and turn on a light so I can look at you when I say this?”

His words should be reassuring but they're not, the way you tend to feel unlovable around him coming up to the surface, preventing you from thinking clearly.

You can also feel his lips on yours still. It's dizzying but you manage to push yourself off the wall and pad around until you hit the switch of the warm light lamp near the couch and the apartment comes to life just like that.

He takes in the space he's never seen before, walking slowly towards the living room and looking over the bookshelf that screams your name all over it. He smiles a bit as he looks over the book titles and you look away before your heart starts acting up again.

You can't stay mad at him for long if he's looking through something so personal to you and smiling that fondly at it. It feels even more intimate than the kiss you two just shared.

Wiping your cheeks once more, you are sure you look a mess but he doesn't seem to mind it once he comes into your point of view, sitting down on the couch, in front of your standing form. He grabs you by your hands until you're sitting next to him, close to him, cologne intoxicating your senses.

“I told you I liked you when we were in highschool, right?”

You nod.

“You seemed surprised but it was dark so I'm not really sure. I thought you knew, everyone knew.”

Oh, he's a comedian.

“How would I have known, San? I… Yeri told me you liked me one time, in senior year, but I denied it. Then, my mom told me you seemed to want me in a non-platonic way and I dismissed her as well,” you take in a deep, shaky breath “For me, the thought of you liking me just didn't make sense. You loved Arin and she's… She doesn't look or act like I did back then at all, so how would I have known?”

You didn't need clues and puzzles and what if’s, you needed words and actions that weren't confusing. You needed him to tell you back then, because telling you right now and kissing you senseless after he broke up with a girl he supposedly was very in love with means nothing but pain.

“I didn't realize you liked me too,” you make a face, about to tell him off, but he interrupts “I didn't! I thought you liked Yeri and I thought you saw me as the annoying guy who wouldn't leave you alone. I only just realized it a couple years ago, because Woo told me.”

You raise your eyebrows and mutter under your breath “I'm murdering him tomorrow.”

The corner of his lips twitch before he shakes his head in dismissal of what you said “I liked you. I really, really liked you and never told a soul because… Well, it's scary when you fall in love, right?”

“San, you had no problem telling Arin, Minseo or Kyungmi that you liked them.”

He looks down to the floor, lost in thought and you want to open your mouth to take what you just said into a new direction, but you don't “Maybe that's because I didn't love them the way I love you.”

Oh.

Love you? As in… He loves you right now too?

No way.

“You didn't love me, San. You don't love me right now either, you… Maybe we both were in love with the idea of love? Maybe that's what happened and—”

“Quit telling me what I'm feeling, Y/N. You always do that, you always assume you know what I'm feeling but you don't!”

Raising your voice a little more, you try to get your point across in the worst way possible: by being stubborn “You don't know me! How can you possibly—”

“I knew you back then, Y/N! And I loved you back then, too!” He looks like wants to say something more but he doesn't, instead, he takes a calming breath and then leans into your space for the third time tonight “And I might not know you now but I want to. That's what I meant when I said that I want you. I want you in my life, I want to know the person you became when we stopped talking, I want to talk to you every single day and I want to hold you and kiss you and be by your side however you want me to, I just… I can't lose you again.”

His confession renders you speechless and you notice his chest is heaving, going up and down in sync with yours.

But the way he pulled away from you senior year still hurts, it paints a picture of what's going to happen if you accept this.

You can't believe his words.

He must feel lonely and confused, like he did when Arin broke up with him. He must be looking for a shelter you can't provide.

“And when you find another girl that's more to your liking? What then, San?”

“There's no one that I love more than you, Y/N and I'm sorry I was shit at proving it back then and I'm sorry that it took so many years for me to come to my senses.”

He's tearing up and your heart pangs absurdly loud at that.

“I saw you with Seonghwa earlier today, laughing and dancing and flirting and I thought: Oh, maybe if I didn't waste that much time pretending I'm someone I'm not, that would be me.”

You stare for a second, you watch a single tear drop down his cheek and then look away.

“Is that what you were doing? Is that why you pulled away?”

“Maybe?” he offers and you turn to him again. Is not enough and maybe he can see it in your expression, because he goes on “I mean, I… I thought I wanted Arin. I thought I wanted Minseo. I had people in my life who were really happy to see me with them and I just…”

“Wanted to keep them happy,” you nod, understanding. He doesn't have to say his mothers name for you to know he's referring to her and maybe his other highschool friends outside of Wooyoung “Were you pretending with me as well?”

“No,” he answers right away “You and Woo were the only ones who saw me for who I really was back then.”

“And why do you think you love me now, San?” you ask, deflating against the couch and ignoring the way your heart soars at his quick response.

“Because I never stopped,” he stammers out and then clears his throat “Because I looked for you in Minseo and Kyungmi and I wondered for years why they couldn't make me feel the same way. And I told myself I didn't need to feel the same way and that I deserved to wonder for the rest of my days but seeing you tonight? I can't.”

Straightening your spine, the pained look you sent in his direction is not intentional but it prompts him to lean closer and closer until he's cupping your cheek again.

“I can't keep wondering.” His voice is a sweet whisper, a siren song that draws you in until your forehead is resting against his.

All these years, you were so self-focused on changing to a better version of who he used to know, learning from your mistakes and closing off to the opportunity of letting him prove himself a better man, you forgot that time passed for him too. He’s telling you he changed, too.

Imagination is a safe space. Is where you hide, where desire can take its wings and fly high without hurting you too much. Make belief has rescued you before but this? The way his nose nuzzles softly into yours and your breaths tangle? This is very real. And reality is prone to hurt you.

But the want you feel is undeniable. The way your entire being wants to cave in and give him an opportunity is suffocating, it makes you choke out a sob that he follows with one of his own.

You kiss him, softly at the beginning, but his hands on you tighten and you let yourself get lost in the way they go down your neck and your arms, caressing you softly until they reach your waist and pull you into his lap.

Pulling away, you grab his chin with two fingers and force his teary eyes to snap open, searching for an answer on yours.

“If you hurt me,” you start, breathless “If you're mocking me, if you're using me to get over Kyungmi, if you are pulling me back in to break my heart again, Choi San, I swear to God I will kill you.”

“I won't do that to you ever again, Y/N,” he returns softly “I love you, I'm sorry if I ever hurt you but I love you.”

Others would argue that it is pathetic how quickly you forgive him. But then again, you could never be mad at San.

You were only mad at yourself for how everything turned out.

“I love you too, Sannie.”

Saying something never felt so freeing before.

“Oh, Y/N…” you can see the way relief washes his worries away “Y/N…” he starts to say but then leans in to kiss you again and never finishes his words.

You don't mind it.

Pouring out all the pent up affection you pretended to bury for years, you explore his mouth and carve into your memory the way he feels. The way he sighs into it when your tongue brushes his, the way he pulls you in closer when your fingers reach the nape of his neck and pull on his hair there, hands splayed on your back so he can keep you in place as he leans down and places you against the worn out couch.

He maps you out, hands going down your waist in a familiar feeling that brings back that memory of you two laying down on your bed. Only this time, he's actually touching you with a purpose. This time, you two have made up your minds and your limbs are tangled in a way you can feel all of him pressing up against you.

It starts to get stuffy, the space on the couch not nearly enough to have him the way you want to. Soon, you're both standing up, mouths still moving against each other and hands roaming everywhere until you're undoing the buttons on his shirt.

He pulls away to fully take it off, eyes never leaving yours, dropping the shirt to the ground, next to the couch and then he's on you again, making your back crash into the wall as he works the knots keeping your blouse together.

He walks you through the hall, stopping only to take your top off and then he's walking you to a room that has a familiar scent that doesn't belong to you.

“Wrong room, wrong room,” you say into his lips and he laughs, looking to your surroundings “Mine’s over there.” you point to the other end of the hall, taking his hand and pulling him towards it.

You don't make it far before he's yanking you towards him again. He looks down, taking your body in and you do the same, his firm and defined stomach a sight you never thought you would be able to see.

“You're so beautiful,” he whispers, backing you against the wall again and kissing your cheek “So, so beautiful.”

Turning your head to chase his mouth, he lets out a heavy sigh when his lips trail a path to your neck and murmurs against the skin there “I never told you how beautiful I found you before but you're so perfect, baby.”

“I always thought I wasn't your type, San,” you let out a noise when he grabs your hips and pulls you forward, crashing his into yours “Fuck.”

“And I always thought you were too much for me, too smart,” he kisses his way back up, focusing on your jaw and chin until he's kissing your cheek again “too pretty,” he moves to your ear, pecking right under it and you hold him closer “too good for me.”

It doesn't really matter that this is all new to you, the way he's speaking, the tenor of his voice, the things he's saying… It sparks something familiar in you. You're pulling his hair back to make him look at you, a moan slipping out of his lips at that.

You want to hear it again.

He's smiling at your reaction, hand tightening on his locks.

However, that smile drops when he seems to recognize the gleam in your eyes.

You gather up courage, feeling empowered by the way his hooded eyes darken but wait patiently for you to speak your mind.

“Maybe I'm too good for you now, too,” you lean in, your lips softly tracing his “Maybe you should prove to me that you deserve me, San.”

It's a dare. One that he seems to like a lot because his eyes sparkle with the same fire they used to back in the day.

“Oh, I'll prove it to you, alright.” He whispers, panting when you let go of his hair and he leans into you to kiss your lips briefly before pulling away again.

His hand tilts your head back and you rest it against the cold wall, his fingers touch your bottom lip before going down and down and down until they rest against the seam of your pants, unbuttoning them in one swift movement.

Going back up, his nails softly dig into your skin and you preen, taking the soft sting of his ministrations like you two have done this a million times before.

His mouth is on yours again, his hands are pulling you off the wall and into your room until you two land on your mattress, a moan spilling out of your lips when he sloths his knee in between your legs and pulls them apart with expertise.

You don't have the mind to break down what that means.

Opening your eyes when he kisses down your neck again, you notice your room is barely lit by the street lights outside, curtains pulled open and windows closed but, this way, you can see the way San kisses between your breasts and your belly, catching his eyes when he looks up to measure your reaction.

You sigh, already feeling some sort of build up going on down there and he hasn't even touched you properly yet.

You don't even want to think about how wet you actually are.

He leans back, open palms going down your legs slowly until they reach your feet. It tickles and you can't help but let out a giggle that he joins short after, his gaze never losing the edge because of it, though.

“San…”

He guides your hips up so he can take off your pants and you sigh when his hands return, raising your leg up “I missed your laugh,” he says low, attaching his lips to your calf “I miss being the one making you laugh too.”

You feel like crying again but then he's letting your leg down and grabbing the other one to give it the same treatment, so your tears can wait.

This time, he moves upwards till his mouth nears your clothed center and your breath hitches.

Yeah, you can definitely cry later.

“You want me to prove to you how much I want you, Y/N?” he murmurs, his lips ghosting your mound now “How much I love you?”

“San, p-please…”

“Fuck, look at you.” He sounds like he's too lost in the heat of the moment and you're kind of grateful, because the moan you let out when his fingers hook on your underwear and pull them to the side to expose your pussy to his hungry eyes is loud.

When he kisses you right where you need him, you let out another moan. And when he parts your folds to lick a stripe up to your clit, you curse him under your breath until he's laughing against you softly, the vibrations accumulating heat on your belly.

He doesn't tease you much longer and you look down at him just to catch the moment his self control slips, eating you out like a man starved while his hand stays on your hip to hold you down and keep you underwear from interrupting his feast.

“This is like,” he dives in again for a few seconds and you grab the sheets beneath you “All my fantasies coming to life but better.”

He's so chatty during this and the only thing you can do is stammer a yeah? and pray for it to reach his ears.

“Mhm,” He circles your clit with the tip of his tongue and your legs shake “It tastes even better than what I dreamed, too.”

The heat of his mouth leaves you, lips spreading your wetness through your stomach until he fully reaches your face, your eyes closed and lips already waiting for him.

Tongue caressing yours, your hands trail down his torso and focus on getting his pants off. You're shaking with excitement so it proves to be more difficult than you imagined at first but he helps you in unbuckling his belt.

Once the piece of clothing is on the floor (or the bed, you're not really paying attention to where it lands), you don't waste time in feeling him up through his boxers.

The hiss you get in return makes you smile.

Bringing your lips to his neck, you suckle on this pulse point and gain another pleased noise before grazing your teeth against skin and moving to his collarbone next.

In a way, you get what he means. If he truly was pining over you the way you were pining over him, the thought of exploring his tan skin and making him moan feels like a dream.

So you kiss him again in order to make it all last longer.

The minutes pass between the both of you, softly making out and figuring out what gets both of you going, discarding your underwear in the process.

You realize your moans make San’s cock twitch against your leg and he seems to notice the way your hips buck up everytime his hands handle you more roughly.

After a few minutes of just this, you feel his hand making its way down again and the pads of his fingers circle your clit until you're grasping the sheets again. He gathers your arousal and then enters one finger slowly and when it slides in and out with ease, he enters the next one.

There's really not much prepping he needs to do, already soft and compliant under him, you relax into his comfortable touch before you're aching for something else. And your mouth is preoccupied with his, so you do something else to catch his attention.

Hands caressing his back, you let them drop to his ass with a soft smack that wins you a soft huff on amusement and then a whine when you move his hips towards yours.

“Condom?”

You shake your head “I'm clean and I have an implant.”

“Oh?” he smirks, about to tease you but you squeeze his butt again and he moans “Fuck. I'm clean too.”

“Good,” you whisper against his cheek, laughing as he arranges his position.

And he might've been touching you all this time, kissing you until your mind emptied and your lips are all swollen up, but the look on his eyes when he slowly enters you is what might drive you over the edge.

Grabbing your hands, he pins them on the side of your head as he moves, dropping his head down with a groan as you take him in, nose touching yours and moth whispering sweet things you can't quite pick up.

He feels so good.

This all feels way too good to be real.

In the cloud you're at, you allow yourself to dream a little more before the reality of what your confessions mean dawns on you.

For now, you allow San to make love to you. Sweetly, slowly and with a passion you never were lucky enough to encounter before.

Maybe it's because your previous lovers didn't have your heart the way San does.

He rams his hips into yours hard, closing his eyes and resting his warm cheek against yours, kissing your face inch by inch when you accompany his movements with your own.

When his pace picks up, you hug him close and secure your legs around his hips as you moan.

“Y-yes, fuck.”

“Like that?” he repeats the movement from before, pulling out and then in with such force it rocks the entire bed.

“Just like that, baby, fuck.”

“God, you sound so good,” you smile a little, forehead resting on his shoulder before your head falls down against your pillow again “I love you,” he repeats against your lips, letting your hands go to cup your face with both of his again “I love you so much.”

Teetering over the edge, you feel happy tears stinging in your eyes. Though closed, you can feel San’s stare on you, on your face, on the way you react to his sweet words and relentless pace.

You say it back in a whisper and he repeats it again and again and again until you're both coming and tears are spilling down your cheeks.

He kisses them away.

You wipe his with trembling fingers as you come down, having trouble breathing from everything that just happened.

You don't feel suffocated anymore, you feel like you've been freed. Like this was supposed to happen at some point and you two finally got around to it.

“I love you,” he says once more before slipping out of you with a parting kiss.

Holy shit.

When San gets up from the bed and you point him to the bathroom, down the hallway, you're left with a sticky mess in between your legs and a lot to think about but you settle on four things.

San just made love to you. There's no way that was just sex.

There's also no way you're coming back from this.

Gyuri is probably going to kill you.

And that, obviously, your feelings for San never left. You feel the familiar warmth of them spreading through your post-orgasmic state. They're there, mocking you, asking you who the fuck you thought you were for pushing them away.

He returns, toilet paper in his hands before leaning in and cleaning you up, lips immediately finding home on your skin as he does.

You both giggle at that.

You probably need to shower but you've been crying and there's no way you're leaving this bed tonight. He throws the paper away on your bedroom’s trashcan and then crashes into the bed next to you, still naked, still looking at you with so much love you're wondering what stopped you from seeing it was there before.

Taking his hand, you bring it to his lip and give his knuckles a peck “That was really good.”

“It was.”

“I can't believe we actually just did that…”

He smiles and what he says next shocks you even more than his confession “I want to take you out.”

“San… You just came inside me not even ten minutes ago.”

“And?” you laugh and he shakes his head, leaning into your space again “I spent many years doing everything wrong, let me do it the right way.”

“Making love to me one time and then taking me out on a date is not the right way, sir.”

He nuzzles your cheek with his nose and you let out a pleased sigh “Who said it was just one time, huh?” Attacking your neck with his lips again, you push him away with a laugh.

“Oh, come on!”

He laughs as well “Give me ten minutes and I'll make it two!”

San makes love to you two more times. And by four in the morning, you're snuggled into his arms and sleeping soundly.

When you wake up and find the space next to you empty, you think it was all a dream. Your naked form begs to differ and you quickly put the t-shirt you usually wear to bed on and your panties underneath it to go out and face the feelings of your actions fighting with the blender in the kitchen.��

“How do you two live with this stupid thing?”

“We don't,” you answer, startling him “We don't use it. What are you trying to make?”

San’s shirtless, wearing his pants and his hair messy. Looking back at the living room clock, you see it's just five past ten.

Smiling as he approaches you, you forget you must look a mess too when he pecks your lips and barely pulls away “Good morning, beautiful.”

You pretend to cringe at that, pulling away “Oh, God. Morning, dumbass.”

“You like it, you're blushing,” he points out and the pink on your cheek deepens as he's going back to the blender “Does anything work here?”

“The microwave,” you shrug “And the stove. Were you trying to make yourself a…” you look over the ingredients he has pulled out of your fridge “Green juice?”

“I was trying to make both of us a green juice,” he corrects and your heart skips at the immediate domestic attitude he has with you “But now I can tell neither of you drink anything like it, hm? I'm buying you a blender.”

“Please don't.”

“Why?”

“Why do you think that one is broken?”

He hums, huffing out a laugh seconds later and you walk over to him, unsure on how to approach him even though what you did yesterday night and earlier this morning didn't allow your shyness to step in.

Now you're feeling it.

He can tell, because he stops fighting with the steel appliances to grab your waist and pull you close “I wanted to make you breakfast.”

“We can make breakfast together and I can order your green juice,” you compromise and he nods, but he doesn't let you go “And later we can go out on that date you promised me yesterday and we can go over what we're going to tell the two idiots.”

His smile drops.

“Oh, fuck.”

Grimacing, you nod “It was the second thing I thought about after waking up.”

“What was the first?”

“Oh, I was trying to remember if you ever asked me to dance before,” he nods with a smile “Guess what? You didn't.”

He fake gasps at that “I did!”

“No, you didn't!”

“Babe, yes I did,” he insists and you laugh, which prompts him to wrap his hands around you tighter when you try to get away from him “It was when—”

“Oh. My. God. I'm going to be sick again.”

Now when the fuck did Gyuri come back.

And why is Wooyoung with her too, jaw slack as he watches both of you pull away from each other and create a safe distance that doesn't help whatever your best friends just saw.

“It worked?” he asks and you can barely hear him until he hollers like a crazy person “Oh, it worked! I am a genius!”

“Wooyoung, hold me! I'm going to kill them!” Gyuri looks like she's about to launch towards you at any second now, so you close your eyes and accept your fate. But nothing happens “Wait— What worked?”

When you open them again, San is hiding behind you and Gyuri’s back is to both of you as she looks at Wooyoung with, what you assume, murderous intentions.

“Gyuri, let's talk about this,” the black haired guy puts his hands up “You were too drunk to discuss it so I made the choice of— Gyuri, no!”

You burst into laughter when she starts chasing him around the apartment and San giggles as well, only more nervous than delighted by their little cat and mouse game.

He's probably sensing he's next on her hit list.

As if you would let anything happen to him in the first place.

“Stop, stop! I'm sorry, please leave me alone!” you hear Wooyoung’s voice echoing through your hall and in a second he's entering the kitchen, rounding you and San “I'm so happy for you guys, really, this was meant to happ— Stop!” He cries when Gyur catches onto him and yanks his hair to stop him from running.

“Y/N,” she starts, chest heaving and you take a step back, crashing into San’s chest. He holds onto you only to push you a little and protect himself from the fury of your best friend “When I told you fuck him I didn't meant this!”

“I know.”

Wooyoung whines but he can't get away from her grasp so he just accepts it and pouts like a child.

“A-and you!” She points towards the guy resting his chin on your shoulder “How dare you! If this is something casual for you then—”

“I love her.” He defends himself quickly and your heart all but stops at that.

“You do?” Wooyoung coos, amazed at his best friend’s confession.

Gyuri's anger falters at that.

“You… You do?”

“And I love him,” you let out in a shy whisper, smiling a bit “But you already knew that.”

“Of course I already knew that, bitch, I am your other half,” she makes a point to stare at San as she says it, letting Wooyoung go and he massages the part of his scalp that was targeted by his ex “Don't forget that.”

“Y-yes ma'am.”

You laugh again and Woo joins the embrace, eyeing you both expectantly and rolling his eyes when neither of you say anything to him “Well, you are so welcome guys. What are we having for breakfast?”

You and San don't get to go out on that date.

But when you do, he asks you to be his girlfriend the next day.

And when you say yes he almost breaks down in excited tears.

Eventually, even Gyuri comes around and threatens him into treating you right, which means he earned her seal of approval.

You delete the document on your laptop when you find it a month into being his girlfriend and, instead, start drafting your new beginning on it, in first person this time because the story doesn't feel like it belongs to someone else now.

The first line read as it follows:

How did I ever think San and I could be just friends?

If you read all the way down here: THANK YOU SO MUCH. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

#ateez #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez hard hours #ateez reactions #ateez smut #choi san #choi san x reader #choi san smut #san smut #san x reader #san #san imagines #ateez x you #ateez x y/n #san x you #san x y/n #fic; wcbf.

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servicpop · 3 months ago

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short n' sweet ♡ valentines day special　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　adrien ( delinquent oc ) x student president m reader

ⓘ　fluff fluff fluff ! jealous adrien , reader gets confessed to by a girl

A day where cupid strings his bow and aims his arrow at couples is the day you spend the most time stringing up heart decorations around the school. Its only a few small splashes of pink ribbons and red hearts since Valentines isn't a huge thing—some people simply don't enjoy it as much as Christmas or others—but it's a nice opportunity to liven up the school with some fun flare.

For the most part, you can see cheesy couples receive bouquets neatly arranged into something pretty for their partner or love letters being handed out the old-fashioned way. You weren't a big celebrator seeing as you didn't have a romantic partner. Of course the occasional chocolates being given to friends was a tradition you practised when nobody bothered to give you a flower or a sweet confession.

But this year was different.

After finishing the decorations, you took the time to wander the grounds before returning to your councillor room. It was early enough for the walk to be rather peaceful with the occasional wave to people you knew when they walked by. Reaching the room you, place your hand on the doorknob, twisting it until it makes that click before a hand plants on your shoulder.

“Been awhile.”

You turn your head to see him in the flesh. Adrien, with that shit-eating grin. It was completely out of character for him to show up so early—or show up at all. That fact alone sent shivers down your spine. A coincidence that he shows up bright and early on valentines day?

“Bit late but,” Adrien takes a moment to exhale before his eyes meet yours.

“Will you be my valentines?”

You stand there, blankly staring at him. No flowers, no chocolates and certainly no handwritten love letter stamped with a wax seal as you were wishing for. He couldn't have been this unromantic. For all you knew, Adrien was just some ill-mannered guy who weaseled his way into your life thinking he had you wrapped around his finger just because you two 'hooked up' underneath the staircase.

“No.” Short and sharp; unintentional or not. Sure you liked him, a little more than you'd ever wanted to admit, but Valentines was meant to be unrealistically romantic, a day where you can feel like you're living in those old romance films.

“What?” You could hear the confusion in Adrien's voice as he watches you brush past him and slam the door infront of his face, drowning out his complaints through the door.

That whole ordeal in the morning definitely wilted your mood. The entire morning session of classes felt like a drag as if time was purposefully going slower each time you glanced at the clock.

You were probably the first person to leave the classroom when you were dismissed, rushing out to your locker to reunite with your friends in hopes of charging your social battery.

“Hey— prez? I have, um, something for you.” The nickname felt like deja vu, like you've been called it countless times by a certain someone. But it wasn't him; it was a girl around your age or even younger. In her hands was a square, pink box with 'milk chocolate' printed in a cursive font. Her face was flushed pink and it looked as though if she met eyes with you, she'd melt under your gaze. On top of the chocolates was a pretty letter with equally pretty handwriting.

It undoubtedly made you smile even if it was just a little.

You accepted her gift, making sure you flashed a polite smile at her before watching her scurry off like it had been the hardest thing of her life to come up to you like that. It was charming in a way. You skimmed the letter which was mainly just her stating her appreciation for you and how she wanted to get to know you better with her name signed at the bottom with a small heart next to it.

A few of your friends who had just made it out of class had witnessed the whole scene, patting your back and pawing at the chocolates like hyenas. It wouldn't hurt to share the love, especially when your friends seemed like they'd die without sugar.

You let them all take one before sealing the box and placing it in your locker for later, you pocketed the note just so you didn't accidentally lose it or have it slip out.

Come to think of it, the more the day went by, the more you noticed a lack of Adrien. Usually he'd make an appearance by now, whether that was to stare at you with a smirk while you walked by eachother or to 'accidentally' brush your arm on any opportunity he got.

You made nothing of it though, it was probably because he thought today was boring—given all the couples would boast their affection towards eachother in the hallways—and decided to skip. It was typical of him to do so. But it still weighed in your mind all the way until the home bell rung.

Your locker was the last stop before you could go home, opening the metal door to see that your box of chocolates were gone; replaced.

Godiva chocolates in the shape of a heart, a letter sealed in an envelope, and a bouquet of flowers that look strangely like the ones from the school garden was neatly arranged in your locker.

“Do you like it?” You practically jump out your skin as your turn to see the man you haven't seen the while day.

“You put this here?” You ask, looking back at the gifts stuffed in your locker.

“Who else would— nevermind don't answer that.” You could tell from the furrowed set of his eyebrows that he was pissed off about something, like it bothered him enough to replace the chocolates you were given.

“I thought that maybe you didn't like how forward I was this morning.” It was one of those rare occasions where Adrien wouldn't have that cocky look on his face or that teasing lilt to his tone. He wore an almost shy expression, like he wasn't used to giving gifts this romantic.

“Seeing as you liked that girl's gift so much.” You could hear the venom roll off his tongue when he said that.

You glance down at what Adrien gave you. Godiva wasn't a cheap brand and those flowers would probably have taken Adrien awhile to personally pick and choose the ones you liked to plant in the gardens. Your heart flutters at the thought that maybe Adrien was gone the whole day because he was trying to pick up gifts for you, all cause he felt a little guilty.

“I know its over the top but—” “I like it.”

He pauses and stares down at you like its the most baffling thing in the world to hear you say 'I like it.' You look up at him, and you can't hold your smile back—this time, you smile wholeheartedly.

“Thanks, Adrien,” You look both ways to see if anyone was watching and you lean up to kiss just shy of his lips on the corners of his mouth. It was a quick peck as you almost instantly pulled back to pack up your things and walk past him.

He stands there, frozen in place before his own fingers touch his face, grazing over the spot you kissed him at.

There's a sharp bang of his fist against the neighbouring lockers as he internally crumbles, holding his face like he needed to shield what was left of your fleeting kiss.

A victory perhaps?

a / n ; dividers made by anitalenia , and the gift graphics are made by my dearest anby !

#servicpop — fics/drabbles #servicpop — ocs #bottom male reader #oc x male reader #sub male reader #male reader #x bottom male reader #mlm nsft #uke male reader #top character #amab reader

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dcxdpdabbles · 4 months ago

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I found and read this cute story on AO3, about Frostbite being Danny's legal parental guardian. In the story Bruce Wayne runs into Frostbite (in his full yeti glory no disguise) who is setting up for school bake sale. Got me thinking about what if Danny's past rogues took turns filling in and doing parental stuff especially at school functions. Like Frostbite does the bake sale, Pandora shows up for his games, Ghostwriter goes to all of the PTA meetings, Clockwork goes to teacher meetings, so on and so forth.

The 43rd Annual Gotham Academy Bake Sale by Faeriekit

Ohhh, that sounds good! I'll get it a read when I have some time. Thank you for the rec!

Danny Fenton is one of the lucky few who have a very involved household. His various family members would always sign up for any school event the boy needed support in. It didn't mean that the boy won everything, but as a teacher for nine years, Emily has come to learn how much it mattered to just have someone show up.

She had seen students whose entire faces light up after spotting someone in the crowd in the same amount she saw a student's hope crumble after they scanned the room.

Danny was a polite young man, a bit on the shyer side, but kind and not a troublemaker, his previous school had her believe. If anything, he seemed to struggle with fitting in, but no students blatantly disliked him.

The general opinion of Danny matched, as her students would say, "I know him from class, but I don't really talk to him. He seems cool though".

Maybe that's why so many people were supposed by his family to march into the auditorium during Danny's talent show. Seeing him wave at the row before starting his gymnastic act had been such a surprise.

Now, Gotham wasn't a close-knit community, not with the size of their city and the millions of people living within it, but everyone would have noticed that Danny was adopted.

After all, he was the only one that wasn't glowing or a large humanoid animal. They cheered the loudest among the crowd; uncaring Danny got bronze- having lost to Joey's tapping dancing for second and Damian's spectacular multi-instrumental cover of a meme song for first place- and Danny beamed back at them.

Gotham was known for not being meta-friendly, but that was only due to a few mean people who shouted the loudest on media outlets. Many of Emily's students were meta, had family that were meta, or knew someone meta. It wasn't a common enough trait one would encounter a meta on every outing, but you would see them in Gotham well enough.

Everyone knew, but no one said it out loud. In the same way, she knew which students' parents were in the country illegally but worked harder than anyone else. Saying anything would help the cops, or worse, the rich running Gotham.

Even the most prejudiced Gothamite would rather be spat on then give them aid. And those who were so prejudiced to help the poor man's enemies, well, Emily has lived here long enough to know they vanished rather quickly. The smart ones kept their mouths shut.

No one could forget what happened to that guy who accidentally insulted Penguin. His grandmother had been an illegal immigrant on his mother's side.

No one messed with that side of the family.

"Hello, Mrs. Jackson." Danny's adoptive father, Dr. Frostbite said, ducking down to avoid banging his head on the door. On one of his shoulders was a box of hotdog wieners; on the other were multiple bags of bread. "I'm here for my snack bar shift."

Emily tilts her head back to look the Yeti in the eye. He had been shocked the first time they met, but she could admit that Dr. Frostbite was a relatively gentle and wise soul. "Welcome aboard. The girls are just about to take the field. You can put that down by the crock pot over there."

The mountain of white fur brushes by her with the grace of a king as Dr. Frostbite does as she says. There were no customers at the window, so she leaned on the counter and offered him a smile. "Did you enjoy the game?"

"Yes. I was saddened our team did not win, but Danny hit a home run." Dr. Frostbite's sharp smile could have been frightening if he wasn't oozing parental pride. "I caught it all on video."

Emily opens her mouth to respond when a hand lands loudly on the counter with a loud crack. Her heart leaps, and she looks into Danny's Ember. She isn't one of Emily's students, though she does appear to be a teenager in appearance.

You know. If it wasn't for her hair made of fire. Or her blue skin. Or her glow.

"I set a boy on fire," She announces with a cackle.

"That's so?" Dr. Frostbite gently rips open the box, taking out the hotdog packages. With one large claw, he rips a hole into it and lets the few weiners slide into the crockpot with a gentle splash. "What did he do?"

"Tried to slap me on the butt." She huffs, rolling her eyes, but her smirk doesn't lose an edge of smugness.

"Well done." Dr. Frostbite praises placing the lid back on. It always surprised Emily to see such careful actions from the large creature. "I assume you did so out of Pandora's line of sight?"

"Naturally. I don't want her lecturing me in front of the whole community." Ember scoffs, crossing her arms. Behind her, the top of Pandora's head can be seen swinging side to side over the dugout, keeping an eye on the ball.

She was the best volunteer referee because even the parents knew not to shout insulting things when she was present. Emily doesn't think she has had such peaceful games in a long while. Hopefully, Danny will try out again for baseball next year so the woman can return.

"Oh hey, you're Danny's English teacher, right? Mrs. Johnson?" Ember asks, leaning on the counter to give Emily a curious look.

When the blond nods, holding out her hand for a shake. "That's right. It's nice to see you again, Ember."

The girl's hair flairs a little as a grin grows on her face. Her hand is ice cold to the touch, but she's got a firm grip that her husband would appreciate. "Likewise. I got a message for you from Ghostwriter. He sent the notes for the last PTA meeting to you and the revision playwright for the musical you two were working on."

Emily's mood brightens up. "That's wonderful. Could you tell him I'll check it out when I get home and get to my laptop since my phone broke in the last Two-Face attack?"

Ember's hair flickers in the wind when she nods, but Danny bounces right up behind her just as she opens her mouth to speak. He's wearing his Gotham Acadamy Baseball uniform with pride despite them losing. "Hey, Frostbite, can I go with Tim and Duke to get Peoeria Pizza? We'll be back before the girl's game ends."

"Only if you take Ember with you," Dr.Frostbite says, nodding to his daughter, who looks alarmed to be included. "She needs more friends."

"Hey!"

"Sure. Come on, Ember, you'll get along with Duke. He likes old-school rock."

"It's not old-school!"

Emily laughs, watching the two siblings bicker as they stride away, blending into the crowd with no one batting an eye at the glowing girl anymore. How blessed that boy was.

"I'm glad Danny has gotten comfortable here. I always worried he never was going to have a normal childhood." Dr. Frostbite confesses to swirling the hotdogs around in the water to ensure each one is cooked.

"I think you and the rest are doing a wonderful job. You're a great father." She assures him, thinking wistfully of her William. He's been on deployment for a few months now and will likely miss the holidays again, but his contract is almost up. They may try for a child when he gets in the reserves. "How are things at the clinic?"

"Oh, wonderful. I'm grateful that Mr. Wayne has allowed the expansion of Thomas Wayne Memorial Clinic. Dr. Thompkins will be covering the east side of Gotham while I help those on the west. It's much more fulfilling than working in some hospital that demands funds for the silliest things. Back home, that would have been illegal. The people would have burned me at the stake if I had allowed anyone to pass away due to greed."

"My kind of people." She laughs. A sharp crack sounds from the field as the bat makes contact with the ball, and the crowd goes wild. It's a wonderful day.

#dcxdpdabbles #dcxdp crossover #New Neighbors #Part 1 #Danny and his ghosts move to Gotham.#Oc's pov #Frostbite adopts Danny #The rest of the ghosts just tagged along for fun.#Bruce hired the VERY knoweldgable doctor for the second free clinic. So what it's a yeti?

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ckret2 · 10 months ago

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So a while ago some friends were talking about fans who claim the Same Coin theory is canon. And I made the mistake of saying:

Do you know who also has tons in common with Bill? Mabel. Yet nobody claims Bill reincarnated as Mabel. …wait now I want a "same coin but it's Mabel" AU. Funniest Bill reincarnation option. The all-seeing arsonist is making macaroni glitter art. The omnipotent tyrant is crying because a unicorn called her a bad person.

And then I overthought it for two months.

So—AU where after death, Bill's soul shoots 13 years into the past and reincarnates as Mabel. I'll call it ✨ Sparkly Coin AU ✨

Don't leave yet. Lemme show you why it works. Behold the eerie amount of parallels in their personalities, dialogue, behavior, mannerisms, tastes...

I could have kept going but my attention span ran out. All right, we all on board now? Convinced we could segue from one personality into the other? Great. Now here's why you should be interested: the juicy post-Weirdmageddon angst potential.

As long as a small fringe of the fandom still thinks Weirdmageddon is Mabel's fault, why not amp that up x100 and have some fun with it?

Is everyone sold now? Great. Let's get into the details. I've got 8 more pieces of art under the read more.

So the AU starts the instant Bill dies. Thanks to invoking his deal with the Axolotl—one way to absolve his crime, a different form, a different time—the Axolotl gives him a new shape and shoots him thirteen years into the past. Apparently, the Axolotl thought it would be very funny to stick Bill in the family that defeated him.

Which probably made for a jarring transition.

(It's fine, she's like 10 minutes old, she probably can't even tell who she's looking at. Not being able to tell who she was looking at is what got her into this situation ayyyy)

When Dipper & Mabel come back from Gravity Falls complaining about this triangular jerk Bill, their parents mention that Dipper's name was nearly Bill. See, after they knew they were going to have a boy, one night their mom dreamed about a visitor—some kind of magic pink salamander??—calling her child "BILL." Then at the next sonogram they found out they were having twins, the girl must've been hidden at a weird angle the first time, and they wanted matching names, so they thought, Bill and Bell. But they didn't really like Bell; but eventually they stumbled on Mabel, so to keep the names matching they switched from Bill to Mason. Isn't that the darnedest thing?

(Of course, Mabel and Dipper assume Bill harassed their parents to try to trick them into naming a kid after him. To be a jerk.)

When Bill meets Mabel, he's unaware that she's his future self—Bill's notably bad at doing things like, say, double-checking to see whether he's going to die anytime soon—but like... he can tell something's up.

Naturally, before visiting Gravity Falls, there were echoes of who Mabel used to be—but nothing anyone would be able to identify without context. All her Bill-ish quirks either smoothed out with time (see: how between second grade and fourth grade Mabel went from being the "freak" to the popular girl in class), or else they were accepted by her family as Mabel-ish quirks.

After they meet (and kill) Bill, they have the context to understand some of Mabel's behaviors... and unfortunately, some of Mabel's latent Bill-ness starts surfacing after she's been directly exposed to her prior incarnation.

The part of the Pines family familiar with Bill thinks the worst case scenario is that maybe Bill's survived and is slowly possessing Mabel; but far more likely, they think this is just some weird way of trying to subconsciously process last summer. Mabel doesn't think she's being weird, you guys are being weird, stop giving her weird looks. They get attacked by one triangle and now she can't wear yellow or pick up macrame as a hobby??

(It's not all red flags and uncomfortable triangle imagery, though. When Stan asks her what she'd like as a gift for some important event, she shyly admits that she thinks she's starting to outgrow her plastic gem jewelry and maybe she's old enough to get her first piece of real gold jewelry, if that's not too expensive? And Stan's never been so proud of her. Thirteen years old and already thinking about buying gold!)

But of course, the real fun starts when Mabel finds out.

That's the face of a girl who's just discovered that she tortured her great uncle. Now imagine running into the brother she possessed.

But I've already spent a million words and thirteen images on this post. If enough folks are interested in the AU maybe I'll expand on it later. Let me know what y'all think.

#mabel pines #bill cipher #gravity falls #gravity falls au #gravity falls fanart #sparkly coin au #my art #my writing #(here's that AU I've been taunting y'all with)

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suncoved · 7 months ago

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BIG MAN ON CAMPUS! — RAFE CAMERON

pairing; fratboy!rafe cameron x fem!reader

summary; you come to your first college party and have the worst panic attack of your life. who knew your knight in shining armour would be the captain of the biggest fraternity and the biggest fuck boy on campus

warnings ; panic attacks, anxiety, drugging, angst but like fluff!!

"Liv, i'm really not sure about this"

You're best friend and roommate looked at you with a blank stare, watching as you pulled the tight white dress down that had ridden up your thighs. She had dragged you out of your dorm only 20 minutes ago, telling you that if you didn't come she was going to wake you up with a bucket of ice water.

"Cmon babe, you made me promise i would drag you to at least one party this year. and i don't break a promise. Which also means that i promise if you don't like the first 30 minutes, then we can go home and eat 30 pounds of ice cream and pass out in our makeup"

You smiled at her, trying to push yourself through whatever anxiety was coursing through you. Liv was really a good friend, even if she was harsh about it at times, you know that she wanted the best for you.

The smell of booze and sweat hit your nose immediately as you walked into the frat house, the music blasting and the rainbow lights blinding against the otherwise dark space.

Liv pulled you to the corner of the living room, smiling brightly at you and giving you an extra tight hug. "Ok! I'm gonna go get us some drinks, stay right there and don't move!"

She had to yell because of how loud the music was, wasting no time before disappearing into the kitchen.

You stood in the party like a fish out of water, biting your lip as you looked down at your feet.

You'd like to say that you weren't that much of an introvert. I mean sure you liked to be curled up with a good book from time to time, and you were studying a bit more than healthy. But you like to go out and shop with friends, talk to new people in your classes and slumber parties on the weekends.

But parties were something you did not do. It had a combination of all the things you disliked most in life. loud music, people yelling, drinking, flashing bright lights and... frat boys.

You'd already been brought out of your shell at college, you were confident enough now to present in classes and partner up with new people on assignments, but this was pushing it.

You were a sweet girl, but naive. You didn't have enough experience with greedy men and even you would admit that you resembled a lost deer more often than you would like.

You lifted your head as you heard someone approach you, looking up quickly as you assumed it was Liv coming back from the kitchen.

But it wasn't Liv.

A brunette looked straight at you as you made eye contact with him, a red solo cup resting in his hand.

"What's a pretty girl like you standing here all alone in the corner" he stated, inching closer to you as you subconsciously stepped back a bit. "I'm Jeremey"

He reached out his hand to you to shake, only to receive a dumbfounded look on your face.

"Normally people reply back with their name, Babe"

"Oh! Sorry!" you replied flustered, repeating back your name as he grinned wide, showing his bright smile.

You didn't want to admit that when Jeremy was talking to you, you continually kept glancing over at the entrance to the kitchen, hoping that the next person to walk out was Liv, who was going to hopefully come to save you from this conversation.

"Hey, I was experimenting in the kitchen, wanna try my new concoction." Jeremy dangled the red solo cup in your face, the liquid pink and smelling of strawberries.

"No thank you. I don't drink" you replied sweetly, hoping to be polite and not upset him. "There's barely any in it, promise. Pleaseee, don't wanna hurt my feelings, do you?" He replied in annoyance.

A pang of hurt shot through you as you panicked, how could you have been so rude! Jeremy was taking time out of his day to talk to you and you rejected a drink he made you?

"Oh! no, I'm sorry. Thank you so much" you replied, taking the cup out of his hands and looking down at the liquid. He watched closely as you took a sip, your face twisting at the strong flavour of vodka.

"What do you think?" he smirked as he asked, bringing his hand up to your lips and wiping the extra liquid off with his thumb.

"Its- its great, thank you" you replied, your heart beating faster as you started to feel increasingly more uncomfortable. He watched you closely as he hinted to you to drink more, looking down at you like he was a wolf, and you were his prey.

You held back tears as you felt the room start to spin under your feet, your cheeks feeling hot and your hands shaking involuntarily. It hit you quickly that this wasn't alcohol that was making you feel like this, no, it was something else. Something much, much worse.

And you didn't want to stick around to figure out what it was.

"Um, sorry Jeremy, I need to go to the bathroom" you spoke up, using all your courage to push through the crowd quickly as he followed.

Your breath was now speeding up as you fought your way through the waves of people, your steps becoming faster as you felt the room spinning more and more, tears streaming down your face.

You didn't know where the bathrooms in this place were, but you didn't have time to think about that now.

You just needed to find Liv, or someone, anyone.

Your eyes fell on a room at the end of the hall, light spilling out of the crack where the door failed to meet the floor.

You didn't have time to think, just to act. Your balled fist made it up to the door, knocking over and over again as you looked behind you, Jeremy in the crowd but looking all over for what you assumed to be you.

You didn't even want to begin to imagine how stupid you looked, or how impolite you were being as your knocks became harsher and frantic as Jeremy came closer.

"Jesus, learn how to wait your fucking turn" a voice sounded as the door opened. you didn't even look away from Jeremy as you tumbled into the bathroom, accidentally bringing the person in the door with you.

"Yo, what the fuc-" the aggressive voice came to a halt quickly, but you all you could focus on was your breathing, which was out of control.

Your cheeks were wet with tears as you closed your eyes, bringing your hands up to your face and letting yourself sob. "I- I can't breathe" You let out, unknowing if you were talking to yourself or the person in the space with you.

You couldn't even handle your anxiety and emotions when you were in control of your body, let alone now.

That's the main reason you don't drink, because you tend to freak out to the point of no return, and this, this was much worse.

Your face was buried in your hands as the person softly closed the door to the bathroom. You didn't even register him softly moving you to sit on the toilet seat in the bathroom, kneeling down and removing your hands from your face.

You opened your eyes to see a man's face looking back at you, his features painted with worry and his body distanced enough away from you as to not upset you even more.

"Hey- hey. Its ok, what's wrong?" the boy asked, trying not to show how confused he was on how to deal with this situation. "Are you hurt?"

You shook your head quickly at his statement, your tears slowly coming to a halt as your vision became less blurry. You could now see his face more clearly. Fluffy dirty blonde hair, bright blue eyes, soft pink lips.

"Uh, um. Wait" He spoke, breaking eye contact with you for the first time since you entered the bathroom. He started frantically opening draws and cabinets, stopping when he found a box of tissues under the sink.

"Here" you looked between him and the box he was handing you before taking it in your hands, your fingers brushing past each other momentarily.

"Thank you, i-i promise I'm not this much of a mess all the time." You replied, earning a soft smile from the man. "It's ok, it happens to the best of us. Have you taken anything, or just drunk?" He asked delicately.

Rafe didn't understand what he was feeling at this moment. Because he'd never felt it before.

Sure he could be an asshole sometimes, He was rude and got into fights on occasion, and he had been known to make girls complete the walk of shame out of his room involuntarily after a big night out, but that didn't mean he would ever leave a clearly intoxicated girl alone at a frat party.

But this, this was different. He had to know what was wrong with you, and he had to fix it. Sure you were a mystery to him and only met you seconds ago, but he wasn't leaving until he knew you were safe and sound... and had given him your name.

"I don't drink- or, at least I didn't. This boy gave me something, it tasted weird. Then I got all dizzy and now- now I can't stop crying" You rambled, sighing softly and looking into his eyes.

He gazed back at you, running his tongue around his teeth before seemingly snapping out of the trance he was in. "Did you know the guy?" He huffed, obviously agitated with your reply as he ran his fingers through his hair.

You shook your head softly, a wave of sadness running through you because you couldn't give him the answer he wanted. Tears started running down your face again suddenly as you kept repeating 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

He lifted his thumb up to your cheek, softly brushing the tears away. "Hey it's okay, Don't worry. I'll keep you safe"

He didn't understand the feelings he was feeling, He had never craved to protect someone so much, He had never been this gentle in his whole life.

"What's your name?" he asked, distracting you to hopefully stop the flow of tears streaming down your face. He felt like if you didn't stop crying in the next minute, he was going to lose it.

You answered your name to him, earning a soft smile. "I'm Rafe, it's nice to meet you." He finished the sentence with your name, sending shivers down your spine.

"Liv" You gasped, making his head tilt in confusion before you shot up from your seat. "Wow, ma. Slow down, what do you mean?" Rafe replied, holding your hips to stop you from completely falling over. You sat back down quickly in defeat, your eyes wide with panic.

"Liv, I-I came here with my friend Liv. I'm gonna scare her. I need to find her." You gasped, your voice trembling as you spoke. "It's ok, We'll find her. Don't worry, it's ok." He repeated, desperate for your face to get back to your normal expression, aka, not struck with terror.

It was obvious to Rafe through the glaze cast over your eyes, the shaking from your hands and the drooping of your eyelids that someone had slipped something into your drink.

He had hosted enough parties at his fraternity to know what insecure, probably small dicked boys, not men, can do to women. And it revolted him.

"R-rafe. I'm gonna go to sleep now" You whispered, your body finally giving out before you could stop it, his arms quickly coming up to stabilize you before you toppled over.

He bit his lip as he tried to figure out what to do, pulling your body into his arms as you didn't even stir. He was scared. So scared.

He didn't know what you were given, how much you were given, what would happen after you woke up, if you even woke up at all.

He carried you up the stairs and into his bedroom, unlocking the door and locking it behind him again. His room was the only one with a lock in the whole house, because he was damned if he was going to walk in on random strangers having drunk sex on his bed.

He rested you softly on his bed, making sure your head was comfortably on his pillow and resting a blanket over your body after taking your heels off.

He looked at your sleeping form, your long eyelashes resting on your cheeks, your hair falling softly over your shoulders and your chest rising and falling with your breaths.

He looked at you one last time before leaving his room, ignoring every person greeting him as he made a beeline straight for the living room.

He scanned over the large crowd in the house, numerous people dancing, some making out, his frat brothers doing keg stands, and one very panicked girl going up to every stranger she sees.

Rafe took no time before walking straight to the girl in the middle of the dance floor, tapping her on the shoulder. She turns immediately to face Rafe, her face struck with confusion.

"Are you Liv?" Rafe asks, earning a confused nod from the girl in front of him” I am! Have you seen my best friend anywhere? She's about yay height, really pretty, heart of gold, she kinda looks like that baby deer from that Disney movie, she's wearing this white dress and-"

Rafe stops her ramble with a quick nod causing her eyes to widen. "What? Where is she?"

"In my bed" Rafe replied, remembering he wasn't all that good with small talk. "What? What the fuck do you mean, in your bed? What did you do? I swear to god-"

"Ok, calm down. Someone gave her something. I found her in the bathroom sobbing before she passed out. I put her in my bed then came down here, end of story" He replied, starting to get slightly agitated.

The girl he now knows to be Liv quickly walks off, heading straight for upstairs where the bedrooms are. Rafe rolls his eyes before following swiftly behind her, though he's glad that there's someone out there other than him trying to protect his newfound soft spot.

Liv halts at all the bedrooms, looking expectantly at Rafe before he walks in front of her and opens his door. Liv immediately rushes to you, still passed out on Rafe's bed.

She sits next to you, tucking your hair behind your ear before placing a kiss on your forehead. "Of course, on the first party she goes to, some sick fuck roofies her and she ends up in Rafe Cameron's bed" Liv speaks, not taking her eyes off you.

"How do you know my name?" Rafe asks, not even bothering to look at the person he's talking to as he focuses on your chest rising and falling. "Ha, everyone knows who you are Rafe. And if I find out you had anything to do with her getting hurt, I'm gonna chop your dick off and feed it to you and make sure everyone on campus knows it"

It would be a lie to say Rafe wasn't slightly amused by your best friend's words, holding back his smile and keeping his face stern. "I would never do that shit. Especially not to her" Liv's eyebrow quirked in confusion at the last bit of his sentence.

She knows for a fact that you did not know Rafe Cameron before this night, let alone any frat boys. Liv could cry at the sight of your passed-out form, taking full blame and responsibility for the fact that you got hurt when she was meant to protect you.

She pulled her phone out from her purse, about to call an Uber back to the dorms for both of you. "No, I'll drive you" He stated, not leaving room for an argument

Liv nodded slowly before pulling the blanket off you, your body involuntarily starting to shiver from the cold air.

Rafe walked over to his closet, grabbing his warmest hoodie. Liv looked up at him as he raised your body softly, placing the hoodie over your head and softly lifting you up into his arms.

Rafe walked with Liv down to the road outside the fraternity house, receiving hundreds of stares from people in the crowd. But he didn't care, all he cared about was you.

He let Liv open the door to the backseat of his truck, allowing him to place you softly inside before Liv climbed in next to you, placing your head on her lap.

The ride was completely silent, barring Liv's directions to the dormitories, but she didn't miss the way he was constantly looking in the rearview mirror at you.

It didn't take long before Liv was leading the way to your dorm, Rafe trailing slowly behind with you in his arms.

She flicked the light on in your dorm, Rafe quickly knowing which bed was yours from the multiple stuffies and pink blankets. He lifted the covers before placing your head on the pillow once more, knowing Liv was going to get you changed before she slept.

"Thank you, Rafe, for looking out for her when I didn't" Liv said as Rafe walked to your door, nodding curtly in repose to her statement.

He gave you one last look before he walked out of your door, watching as Liv was about to shut the door on him after saying goodbye. Panicked he placed his foot in front of the door before it shut, forcing it open.

"C-can I get her number, please?"

#i feel like this has potential to be a series so lmk....#rafe cameron drabble #rafe cameron #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x reader #outer banks #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron fluff #rafe x reader #frat!rafe #frat!au

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fou4summer · 2 months ago

Text

Private lesson

yoo jaeyi × fem!reader

Synopsis: Struggling in class and on the brink of failure, your teacher offers to help by finding you a tutor. You politely decline multiple times, but someone joins the conversation offering to help you. The schools most popular girl, and your secret crush, Yoo Jaeyi.

Warnings: smut!, fingering, praise kink

Genre: Smut

Word count: 1.8k

The bell finally rang after what felt like hours. As you were about to leave, your biology teacher called you over to his desk. As you slightly bowed he nodded after starting. "Y/N, your grades are falling, and you were my best student. Do you want me to look for a tutor to help you out?" You shook your head the moment he was done talking. He sighs as he closes his laptop before standing up. "Y/N, its not embarassing to have lessons, biology is a hard subject at your age. This is your last year, so I think its the best to have someone explain those to you." He points at the book. "Teacher I can do it myse-" You get cut off mid sentence.

"I can tutor Y/N, it would be my pleasure." You knew who that was just from her voice that you were obsessed with. Yoo Jaeyi, your secret crush for almost three years now. She was schools number one in everything. Her father was powerful and rich so she could have whatever she wanted and everyone loved her. You always admired her when she wasn't looking and you would often get lost in your thoughts about her until your teacher calls you out to answer one of his questions, but you always kept quiet. In those moments Jaeyi would often turn around and just smile at you.

"Yoo Jaeyi, a prince on the white horse-actually a princess, but whatever. Y/N, you should thank Jaeyi for saving you from failling biology!" You didn't know what to say, as you definitely can't say no to her. You would miss an insane offer.

"I-I mean thank you so much Jaeyi. It m-means so much!" You said while yelling at yourself in your head for stuttering so much. She just smiles before teacher leaves your classroom leaving you two alone. You didn't dare to look up as you felt her staring at you.

"I shou- I should get going probably, yeah..." You turned around going back to your desk, but she went right after you. You were putting your books in your backpack, your hands shaky from talking to Jaeyi for too long. You bet no one was this insane over a simple crush. Or maybe more. Cause you were in love for so long that you imagined her doing not so 'classmates' things to you. Now you were snapped from your dirty thoughts by Jaeyi tapping your shoulder.

"Can I get your number? For tutoring, of course." She held her phone out waiting for your number. You stared confused for a few seconds before taking it. You put your number in giving it back to her, an awkward smile on your face.

The days passed and friday finally came. Thats the day Jaeyi planned the tutoring session. You cleaned your entire apartment where you two will be studying, or actually just you. You also prepared some snacks if she wanted to eat something, cause you weren't a good cook for sure.

The bell rang and your heart almost stopped beating. You were in some casual sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt. You regretted wearing those cause when you opened the door, you felt embarassed by your outfit. Jaeyi was wearing a dark red suit with a black button-up shirt underneath. This was the first time you saw her out of the school uniform, and you wished you could see her more often in clothes like those. You nodded before letting her come in. When she walked past you, her scent hit you making you almost pass out.

"Y/N, did you hear what I just said?" Your cheeks grew red with embarrassment as she got you out of your thoughts once again. You apologized before asking her to repeat.

"I asked what topic do you need help with?" She said her voice deep but soothing. You show her what you didn't understand and she nods but you felt her taking glances at you while you talked. You both sit down as she places the books on the table before you eventually start. You couldn’t concentrate at all. The way she smelled, like cigarettes and vanilla, wrapped around you, clouding your thoughts. It was a strange mix, familiar yet intoxicating, and it lingered in the air like a silent invitation. It was pulling you in closer, making everything else feel distant and unimportant.

You were studying for hours and she really knew how to explain everything. Eventually she got tired so she looks at you before asking.

"Do you mind if I step out for a smoke?" Her hand on your back jerked you back to the present as she stood up from her seat. You awkwardly nod as you open the balcony for her. She left you some notes to read so you can understand everything you learned even better. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from her.

How her hands looked while holding a cigarette, or how her body looked in that suit. As you admired her precious figure, she slowly turned her head around to look at you. You quickly looked back at the notes in your lap pretending to read them. You heard her throw the cigarette off the balcony before stepping back into your apartment smirking. You noticed something was off, then you realized what was it. Her black button-up shirt was now unbuttoned by two buttons. Underneath, she wore a white lacy bra, the delicate fabric contrasting against the dark shirt.

"Y/N, did you take a look at the notes I left you?" Her voice was deeper than usual. You mumbled a quick yes before looking at your hands again avoiding her gaze. She then lifts your head so you are looking directly in her eyes.

"You should look me in the eyes when we talk…or is it because you thought something dirty about me, and now you can't?" Your eyes widened at her words, a flutter of heat settling in your lower stomach. You could feel your heart race, your mind spinning as the air between you thickened with unspoken tension.

"I-No of course!" You start brushing your sweaty hands on your sweatpants. You felt her hand settle on top of yours before she grabs it and places it on the next button of her shirt. Your hands tremble as she grabs the biology book with her free one. She opens the book finding the questions on the last page.

"For every question you get right, you can unbutton one of these... hm? Of course, you can get them all wrong, and we’ll just forget this ever happened." Chills ran down your spine as she whispered. When she saw your nod, a smile spread across her face. The first question was easy, so you answered quickly. She glanced at your hand on her chest, still unmoving. Then, she took your other hand from your lap, guiding it to unbutton the next button.

"Relax princess..." You felt yourself getting wet just from the name she called you. She started reading the next question like nothing happened. She had a serious look on her face so you concentrated to get the answer right. The next one was also easy, its like she was doing it on purpose. The way she took glances and the tension became unbearable. You couldn't take it anymore. You took the book from her lap replacing it with yourself. The look on her face was turning you on even more. The way her eyes widened when you wrapped your arms around her neck, but her hands found your waist immediately, pulling you closer.

"Impatient hm?" She mumbled against your neck. You were so turned on you grabbed her face and kissed her passionately. When you broke the kiss catching your breath she helped you take your shirt off, throwing it on the floor. You took her hand leading her to your bedroom. As you reached the bed, you laid down as she unbuttoned the rest of the buttons on her shirt not taking her eyes off you.

"You look so beautiful..." You mumbled but it was loud enough for her to hear. Her eyes were filled with lust as she crawled on top of you. She was playing with the waistband of your sweatpants while looking into your eyes for approval. You nodded as you pulled her into a kiss. She pulled your pants down as you arched your back so she can unclasp your bra too. You felt yourself getting more wet as she did it with one hand. She stared at your chest before she started leaving kisses all over it. She was kissing her way down till she reached your underwear. You were squirming under her touch.

"Fuck Jaeyi...I need you so bad..please.." You moaned out as she unbuckled her belt before tugging her pants off in desperation. "Jaeyi will take care of you, my princess." That was the last thing she said before pulling your panties down to your ankles with her teeth. Then she rose to capture your lips in a deep, heated kiss. You whimpered as you felt her long fingers slide against your wetness. She didn't even warn you as she slips her finger inside you, making you moan her name out loud while digging your nails into her back.

You were a moaning mess as her fingers kept fucking you for hours now. You came over three times but she kept going while saying. "Come on princess give me one more hm?" As she fucked your brains out. With every thrust, she pounded into you, hitting your deepest spots. She curled her fingers inside you which sent waves of pleasure through your body.

"I'm so close Jaeyi! Pleas-fuck!" You barely managed to get the words out the orgasm struck before you could finish your sentence, crashing over you in an intense rush. When the intensity of your climax started to fade, she didn’t stop.

Her fingers kept moving, gentle and soothing, helping you come down until your breath evened out and your body relaxed. She licked her fingers clean before pulling you in for a passionate kiss allowing you to taste yourself. As Jaeyi laid down, you immediately rested your head on her chest while she drew circles on your arm with her fingers.

"Lets keep these lessons private, Y/N." You chuckled at her statement before nodding, making her laugh too.

You later found out that Jaeyi liked you for so long, but she never wanted to admit it. You still continued having 'lessons' with her, but as girlfriends. Of course you are keeping your relationship a secret for now.

#yoo jaeyi #yoo jaeyi fic #fem reader #kdrama #wlw #lee hyeri #lee hyeri fic

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writingwithciara · 1 month ago

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paper rings -jack hughes-

summary: y/n's brother used to give her paper rings all the time. he did it for as long as she can remember. so after he suddenly passes away, y/n figures she won't see any new rings. but she is shocked to find a new ring in her mailbox every day following her brother's death.

word count: 6.8k

pairing: jack hughes x reader

notes: grieving reader, mentions of death. i loved this at first then i started hating it towards the end. not my favorite thing i've written, that's for sure. but you guys might like it :)

tropes: brother's best friend, childhood friends, friends to lovers, shared grief, happy ending

marcus was a good person. not a single bad bone in the guys body. wherever he went, he made friends with everyone. his favorite friendships were with the ones who resisted him briefly at first, who he eventually wore down.

his smile was infectious and he went out of his way to make sure nobody was ever left out. everybody loved him for it.

but nobody loved him more than his sister, y/n. and the love was the same for him. no one mattered more to him than his sister.

he loved his sister from the moment she was born. he had only been 2 but he remembered everything about the day their parents brought her home. she was perfect to him and he vowed right then and there that he would always protect her.

when she was 9, she was a witness to her parents constant fighting. marcus made sure she had everything possible to drown it out. he saved his money and bought her the best headphones in the store.

luckily, the fighting never lasted long. and just a few months later, their parents got divorced and their dad walked out of their lives. and that was okay because their mother was everything to both of them. she sacrificed so much to make sure her children were happy. their family was closer than ever and the 3 of them were happy together.

and then, out of nowhere, their mom got sick. she was admitted to the hospital when y/n was only 11 and she never left. it was where they had their final moments as a family. it killed y/n to see the family fall apart.

but thankfully, y/n still had marcus to hold on to. he kept his promise to protect her. he fought to keep them together and found a safe place for them in the home of his best friends family.

the hughes family immediately took them in once they learned about their situation and ellen made sure y/n and marcus knew they had a home for as long as they needed it.

everything was changing and although y/n didn't know how to feel, she knew she would grow to accept it eventually.

the only thing that remained the same throughout her life were the paper rings she received on a near-daily basis from her brother. marcus had learned how to make paper rings from a girl in his 4th grade class and he used the skills to make something for y/n to show how much he loved her. she was grateful.

jack once asked marcus about it and he informed his friend "from the moment i met my sister, i vowed to protect and love her for the rest of our lives. and she loves these so i'm happy to keep it up for her. i do it for her."

when she was 16, y/n watched as marcus and jack were both drafted to the nhl right out of high school. jack was going to new jersey and marcus was going to san jose. she wanted to go with her brother but she knew she couldn't. there was still the matter of her schooling. luke was still with her, luckily. and he made a promise to marcus to protect her.

at 19, y/n was in the middle of her freshman year at umich when her brother called ellen and informed them that he was being traded to new jersey. she remembered the conversation she had with ellen when they got off the phone.

"is there any possible way i could transfer to school in jersey?"

"i can check with your professors and see what's possible. any school you have in mind?"

"no. i just know that jersey is where i need to be."

and ellen knew what she meant. she understood that y/n and marcus couldn't be apart much longer and that their bond was never going to be destroyed.

so she talked to the right people and found a work-around for y/n to transfer to princeton.

y/n was happy again, being with the 2 people she loved the most. jack and marcus. they were her rocks and with them, she felt the safest she had ever been.

a year later, however, that happiness was ripped from her hands.

y/n had been stood up for a date by a guy she thought had really liked her. he had her wait outside the restaurant for almost an hour before he had the nerve to call her and tell her he was not gonna show up. he didn't even give a reason.

she didn't have enough money for an uber so she was going to have to call marcus to come pick her up.

as she she pulled out her phone, the screen was being covered in drops of water. when she looked up, she was just now noticing the rain was just starting to pour down. it was too late to cancel the call to her brother, as his voice filled her ear 2 seconds after she hit the dial button.

"y/n, are you okay? aren't you supposed to be on a date?"

"he stood me up, marcus. made me wait and hour before calling to cancel. and with no explanation."

"where are you? i'm on my way."

"no don't. i know you have plans. i don't know why i called. i'm just gonna call jack and see if he'll come get me."

"y/n, that is not an option. i'm already in the car and i'm tracking your location. be there in 5 minutes." he didn't give her time to protest again before he hung up.

y/n waited the 5 minutes. but her brother's car hadn't pulled up to the curb she stood on. she waited. and waited. and waited. for nearly another hour before another familiar car pulled up beside her. jack got out and ran to her.

"y/n, let's go."

"where's marcus?"

"we'll talk on the way."

"on the way where?"

but jack couldn't tell her. so when he pulled up to the hospital, he had to physically lift her out of his passenger seat and help her into the waiting room.

everything from that point on had happened in a slow motion blur. the doctor informed her of the accident but she couldn't believe it until she saw it. and she didn't want to see it. because to her, if she didn't see it, it never happened.

but she knew it had to happen sooner than later. so jack held her hand as she slowly walked into the room to say goodbye to her brother. her one constant in her life.

for 4 months following the funeral, she was lost. she stopped going to school and hid herself in her bedroom. her roommate, lydia, tried everything and even jack had tried to help coax her out of her room. but nothing seemed possible anymore.

all y/n did was stare at photos and videos she had created with marcus. it killed her to see his smile on the screen when she could no longer see it in person.

angrily, she tossed her phone across the room, knocking the shoebox off the top of her bookshelf. it tumbled to the floor, spilling its contents onto her rug.

"shit!" she muttered to herself before dragging her body out of bed and making her way to the mess on the floor. she had to stop for a second and prepare herself for what she was about to see.

the tiny paper rings had scattered across her carpet, and as she bent down to pick them up, she burst into tears. something she thought she was done with 2 days ago.

hearing the noise from the other side of the wall, lydia came rushing in to check on her. when she found y/n on her knees with her head in her hands, she approached slowly.

"y/n, are you okay?" she knelt beside her friend and rubbed her back gently. lydia was aware of how much the paper rings had meant to y/n and the meaning behind them. so she knew as soon as the question left her mouth, that y/n was not okay. it was confirmed when y/n shook her head and collapsed into lydia's arms. the two of them sat together for a few minutes before y/n stopped crying.

"i'm sorry you had to see me this way."

"y/n, you're my best friend. you don't have to apologize for being emotional. especially for something this valid. it's okay." lydia rubbed her back and helped her stand up. "i think you should get some rest. in my room."

"i'm fine, lyds. i promise."

"you need to be away from the reminders of him. and yes, i am aware that memories exist but that's a good thing. just, please go get some real sleep. i'll be here for as long as you need." she gently lead her roommate to her room and as soon as she made sure y/n was actually asleep, she called jack.

a few hours later, y/n woke up with a pounding headache. the room was dark but she could vaguely make out a figure sitting in the chair across the room. she thought she was seeing things at first so she tossed one of lydia's pillows into the darkness.

"ow." responded a familiar voice. the pillow came flying back towards y/n but she dodged it and it hit the wall. y/n turned on the lamp as jack sat next to her.

"what are you doing here?"

"lydia called me after she put you to sleep. figured you'd need me here." he gently rested his hand on top of hers and ran his fingers over her knuckles.

"you didn't have to come all the way here. i'm sorry."

"i promised marcus i would always be here for you when he couldn't be." he felt y/n stiffen at the mention of her brother. it was the first time anyone had said his name in her presence since the week following the funeral.

"i don't know why i got so emotional. it's been months, jack."

"i know. but it's okay. you miss him. we all do." he sighed and linked his fingers with hers. "he was all you had and i get it. it's okay to lose it every once in a while."

"i don't want to keep living this way. i want to be able to move on from his death." y/n looked at their connected hands. "i want to see a photo and not immediately burst into tears."

"lydia filled me in on what happened and i get it. those rings meant a lot to you and it's okay. i promise it's okay." he held her as she rested her head on his shoulder. "if you ever feel like you're in the midst of a breakdown, call me and i'll be there to help you through it."

"okay." she whispered, afraid to let her voice get any louder. "how long have i been wallowing by myself?"

"4 months. but that's alright. nobody's holding it against you."

"i didn't mean to shut you out, jack. i should've let you in." she could feel the tears pricking her eyes. jack noticed and he held her cheek, ready to wipe away anything that escaped.

"i'm here now. and i will be here. always."

"thank you." she whispered again and cuddled closer to her best friend. she was asleep within seconds and jack stayed with her for the rest of the night.

the next morning, y/n woke up in lydia's bed alone. she decided it was time to get out so she finally made her way to the kitchen. lydia and jack both looked up as they heard her enter the room.

"good morning." jack slid a plate of food over to her while lydia handed her a cup of coffee.

"how are you feeling today?"

"not great. but a little better than i have been." she sipped the coffee before taking a bite of the muffin in front of her. "i should thank you guys for being here for me, even if i was being difficult."

"you were most certainly not being difficult, y/n." jack took the seat next to her and tossed his arm around her shoulder. "i told you last night your feelings were valid. everyone processes differently. there's no set timeline for grieving. it's different for everyone."

"yeah. you took the time you needed and that's perfectly fine." lydia sat on the other side of the table and reached for y/n's hand. "we love you so much and we would never leave you alone."

"i love you too. and i'm for grateful you guys are in my life." she looked between them. "oh shit. i should go clean up my room."

"already taken care of, darling." lydia squeezed her hand. "cleaned it up while you were sleeping."

"yeah. i tried to help when i got here but she told me to be there for you when you woke up."

"what did you do with the rings?"

"i put them back on your shelf. but i put them lower so you could easily reach them if you ever wanted to look through them."

"thank you, lydia. that was thoughtful of you."

"he made you a lot of those rings, didn't he?"

"almost daily from 2nd grade until the week before he passed." y/n let out a shaky breath. "i'm never gonna get another paper ring again and i know it sucks, but at least i have the current ones."

"exactly." jack rubbed her shoulder. "he loved making them for you."

"i know. said it made him happy."

"it made him happy to see how happy you were when he gave them to you." jack wiped a stray tear off her cheek.

"what are your plans for the day?" y/n looked at jack, then at lydia.

"well, i was thinking i could stay here tonight again. if you wanted me to."

"okay. but that's later. what about now?"

"i have to get to work in about 20 minutes." lydia finished her coffee and brought the mug to the sink. "i'll see you later, y/n. bye jack." she waved and walked out the door.

"but i'm free." jack smiled. "well, i'll be free after practice. wanna come with me?"

"is that even allowed?"

"no idea. but i don't want to leave you."

"it's alright. i can be left alone for a bit."

"no. i can't do that. not when i made a promise."

"i don't want you to get in trouble, jack."

"i won't. will you please come with me?"

"fine. but if you get in trouble, i'm going home."

"fair enough." jack smiled and y/n stood from the table. "go get dressed and i'll grab your stuff."

y/n nodded and headed into her room. her eyes went immediately to the shoebox of rings and she walked over to it. instead of ignoring it, she opened the lid and pulled one out. it happened to be the green one she adored. marcus bought a special kind of paper meant for paper rings after the ones i first gave her got destroyed.

she slid the green ring on her finger and stared at it. she must've zoned out because jack was by her side when she turned her head.

"oh. sorry. i'll be ready in a second."

"no worries." jack's thumb instinctively swiped the tear off her cheek and he walked to her door to wait.

30 minutes later, they were pulling up to the practice arena. jack got out and went to y/n's side of the car.

"while you were getting dressed, i called coach. he said it was fine for you to sit in on the practice today."

"okay good. i'm glad." she took jack's hand and they walked into the arena. y/n sat in a seat behind the glass and watched the guys skate around. nico waved to her whenever he skated by. jack kept his eye on her the entire time and while one might think it would've messed up his concentration, it did not. he was capable of putting focus on more than one thing.

nico skated over to him while they were working on their final drill. "it's nice to see y/n out of her apartment. she seems to be doing better."

"yeah. she had a breakdown last night and her roommate called me over to help. guess it was what she needed."

"what did she breakdown over?"

"it took awhile for me to get it out of her but i guess she was going through her old photo album on her phone and got angry so she threw her phone. it hit her bookshelf and knocked down her shoebox filled with paper rings. one look at the pile of paper on her rug and she burst into tears."

"they meant a lot to her, didn't they?"

"yeah. marcus learned how to make them in 4th grade and he gave her a new one nearly every day since then. she loved them. they made her happy and he lived for making her smile."

"that's sweet." nico tapped his stick. "do you know how to make them?"

"i tried a couple times but none of them ever turned out as good as the ones marcus made her."

"i'm sure with a little bit of practice, you could make some and give them to her. she might appreciate it."

"yeah, maybe. but i don't know." jack looked over to where y/n was sitting. she was leaning forward, talking to sheldon through the glass. she had a smile on her face. it was small, but it was a start. when she lifted her head to catch jack's gaze, she waved. "she is so strong. i don't know how she does it."

"she's got you, jack." nico nudged his friend. "and you don't have to worry about replacing marcus. nobody could ever. but you're a good substitute for the love she lost when she lost him. but it could be different if you let it."

"what are you talking about?"

"you're smart. you'll figure it out." and with that, he skated in the opposite direction. jack headed over to y/n.

"hey. ready to go?"

"yeah." y/n met him at the entrance to the tunnel. "sheldon was telling me how glad he was glad to see me doing better."

"everyone was glad to see you, y/n. you might not know it but we were all worried about you. you're like the unofficial little sister of the team."

"that's how you see me?"

"yeah. we all love you. not as much as he did. but we've got the same intentions."

"okay. that makes me feel alright." y/n took his hand and they walked to the locker room. "i'll wait for you out here." she waited for 25 minutes before she saw his face again and she was instantly calmed down when he emerged. y/n found that he has been doing that to her for years and she suddenly always wanted to be near him.

on the way back to the apartment, y/n fidgeted with the ring she put on earlier. jack took notice and nico's words played in his head. maybe he really should make some rings for her.

a few days later, y/n was sitting in her room when lydia came in. she handed y/n a small package.

"what's this?"

"i don't know. but it was in the mailbox." lydia shrugged and sat down on the bed beside y/n as she opened the package. "so, what is it?"

"it's a," she ripped the tape off and opened the box. "oh my god. it's a paper ring." she pulled it out and held it in the palm of her hand. it was a decently made one, nowhere near the quality of the green one she was still wearing. "who sent me this?"

"is there a return address on it?"

"not that i recall." y/n flipped the package around but didn't see an address on it. "i think it was jack."

"why do you say that?"

"well, other than you, he's the only one who knows how much the rings mean to me. at least i think he is."

"okay. that makes a lot of sense i guess."

"oh, there's a note." y/n unfolded a piece of paper and read the words.

you deserve so much more but these rings meant a lot to you so from this day forward, i will make and deliver a new ring every single day.

she knew immediately, just by the handwriting, that jack had made this ring. and it touched her heart in ways she didn't think were possible.

"lyds, what am i going to do?"

"what do you mean?"

"this is the sweetest thing anybody has ever done for me. and i love it a lot. it's making me feel things. but it's jack. i can't be feeling these things for him. he's my best friend."

"but maybe that's exactly why you should feel these things."

"what?"

"think about it. nobody knows the pain you're going through more than jack does. you lost a brother and he lost a best friend. and sometimes, people connect in so many ways while they grieve."

"but....it's jack." y/n looked at the ring again. "it would be weird, wouldn't it? i mean, i've never even thought about him in that way before."

"okay so you're telling me you've known this really hot guy for years and you've never thought once about him in a way that wasn't friendly?"

"have you?" y/n raised an eyebrow.

"of course i have. like i said, he's really hot." lydia smiled. "but he's never going to be into me. not the way he's into you, at least."

"are you high? jack is not into me."

"dude, are you blind? you can't be serious right now." lydia chuckled and shook her head. "he drops everything when you call. or just to be here for you. he's been your best friend for years and constantly, he's shown up for you. even on days when you didn't ask. he's intune to your feelings. it's like he knows how you'll be feeling and he's prepared for anything when it comes to you." lydia looked at her friend. "if he's not in love with you, then my radar is way off."

"it's off. just watch. i'll show you."

every day for the next 2 weeks, y/n received a paper ring in the mail. each one better than the one before it. she hardly saw jack but when she did, he would only be around briefly. so she didn't have the opportunity to ask him about what she and lydia had discussed.

but even then, with each passing day, y/n was beginning to doubt her own words. jack was going above and beyond in her friendship but it didn't feel like things a friend would do.

she really needed to talk to him.

and she got her chance one saturday.

jack was packing for a road trip with the team while y/n watched him run around his room. she enjoyed the moments like this when it was just them.

"i know you're the one who keeps sending me paper rings, jack."

"it wasn't really a secret, y/n." jack stopped folding a shirt and faced her.

"but why?"

"the rings meant a lot to you. i wasn't gonna let you continue on with your life without those rings." he looked down at his feet. "i hate seeing you upset, y/n."

"i don't deserve you." y/n smiled before lydia's words came tumbling through her mind. they fell out of y/n's mouth before she could stop them. "oh, um, interesting story. lydia told me she thought you were hot."

"oh. really?" jack's face began turning red and y/n suddenly wished she hadn't told him that.

"yeah." she took the opportunity to gauge his reaction carefully. "so, what do you think of that?"

"well, honestly i'm flattered. and she's gorgeous."

y/n's heart constricted a little. "oh."

"but she's not my type."

"are you crazy? lydia is 100% your type, jack. she's blonde, gorgeous, smart and funny. how is she not your type?"

"she just isn't, okay? yeah she's all those things, but she's just not-"

"ready to go, jack?" luke interrupted his brother thenn turned to y/n. "oh hey, y/n. didn't know you were here."

"i come here before you guys leave for every away trip. how are you so surprised every single time, luke?" y/n walked over to the tallest hughes brother and hugged him.

"i know. just like to tease you." luke chuckled. "you gonna miss your boy for a week?"

"what boy?"

"forget about him and come back here for a second. i have something for you."

y/n walked over to jack and smiled when he placed a paper ring on her pinky finger. "what's this for?"

"it's my favorite one i've ever made and i was gonna have it sent to you from the road but since you're here, i figured i'd give it to you now." jack's smile was infectious. "do you like it?"

"i love it." y/n couldn't help but wrap her arms around jack. he immediately pulled her tighter while luke smiled to himself.

"okay, lovebirds. let's go." he grabbed jack's bag and headed out. while they were alone, jacks cheeks turned pink.

"uh, ignore him."

"i always do." y/n smiled and headed out to the living room. "i'm gonna miss you guys. make sure you win for me."

"we always try our best for you." jack put his arm around y/n as the 3 of them headed to the parking lot.

luke got in jack's car and waited for his brother. he watched as jack and y/n embraced for what felt like the millionth time in the last hour. and he couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why they were still dancing around their feelings.

by the time jack drove away, he had shed his sweater. y/n held it in her arms and smiled before climbing into her car and heading back to her apartment.

lydia was sitting on the couch when y/n walked in. her eyebrow raised when she noticed the sweater. "jack's?"

"jack's" y/n confirmed as she collapsed next to her best friend.

"so does that mean you guys finally had the talk?"

"no. we didn't. but i did tell him you thought he was hot."

"you did not!" lydia slapped y/n's arm and laughed. "what did he say?"

"he said you were gorgeous, but that you weren't his type."

"right. because you're his type."

"When will you let that go?"

"when you and jack finally have a talk."

"okay. so never?"

"it's like you love to piss me off."

"you love me."

"i do." lydia smiled and turned her attention back to the tv. "i can't believe THE jack hughes called me gorgeous."

"that just made your day, didn't it?"

"honey, it made my entire life."

a week later, y/n and lydia were watching the devils play the golden knights. when jack collided with eichel and they both went down, y/n jumped up from the couch.

"oh no."

"that looked painful."

"he's not getting up, lydia." y/n covered her mouth and watched as eichel slowly slowly got up. he leaned down to check on jack but he was still not getting up. "that looked terrible."

"it really did. i can feel the pain." she rubbed her shoulder. "oh. and it's the same shoulder from last season, isn't it?"

"i don't know." y/n grabbed her phone and sent luke a text. "i hope he's okay." she was surprised when her phone vibrated in her hand. she looked at the screen. "jack's requesting a facetime."

"answer it!" lydia jumped to her feet and joined y/n.

"hey. what happened?" y/n looked at the screen, only to see luke's face instead of jack's. "is he okay?"

"he's stubborn. doesn't want to believe it's as bad as it could be." luke turned the camera towards jack.

"stubborn, or stupid?" lydia shook her head.

"little bit of both." y/n and luke answered at the same time.

"who are you talking to? is it y/n?" jack called from behind the camera. luke leaned to get his brother in the frame. he smiled when he saw y/n on the screen. "i promsie it's not bad."

"jack, the doctor said you might need surgery again."

"i don't need to surgery."

"jack, what's going to be worse? continuing your season without fixing what could become a potential problem down the road? or getting it fixed quickly so you can heal faster and come back stronger?" y/n stared at her best friend.

"ugh. stupid logic."

"i do it because i care."

"i know. and i love you for it." jack chuckled. the doctor came back into the room to inform them of the extent of his injury. he wrapped the shoulder as tightly as he needed and left the room again.

"i'm sorry this happened, bro." luke sighed. "you're the star of our team. without you, we're basically screwed."

"don't say that, luke. you guys are still strong without jack. you proved that last season."

"y/n, babe, i love you. but last season, we sucked." luke chuckled. "i strongly believe it was because we didn't have jack."

"you're feeding his ego, luke." lydia shook her head and smiled. "hope you heal fast, jack. the team needs you."

"who's the one feeding his ego now?" luke playfully raised his eyebrow. jack laughed in the background.

"i miss you guys." y/n sighed.

"well i won't be home for a while. gotta fly to colorado and get some surgery."

"oh. that sucks." y/n looked at her best friend. "this isn't fair. you should be healthy. you deserve it for at least one full season."

"i know. but it's like i'm cursed or something."

"all of you guys have been injured this season and i think it's bullshit."

"it is." y/n looked away for a moment. long enough for her to miss the longing look in jack's eyes. but lydia noticed.

"hey, if you miss jack so much, why don't you fly to denver and keep him company before and after the surgery?"

luke, who easily caught on, nodded. "oh, that's a great idea. i'll book the ticket now and send it to your email." he was already typing on his phone before she could protest.

"this will be good for him, i promise." lydia whispered. "you'll have time to talk to him about you know what."

"you're never gonna give up, are you?"

"you know me so well. i'm gonna go pack for you while you're on the phone." lydia kissed her cheek and headed down the hallway. y/n turned her attention back to the screen just as luke was putting his phone away.

"done. flight leaves tomorrow evening. you'll be in denver in less than 48 hours."

"can't wait. kiss jack on the cheek for me and tell him i'll see him soon." y/n smiled and hung up the phone. part of her wanted to be upset with luke and lydia's meddling but the other part of her knew jack would enjoy the company.

so, when the plane landed in denver 30 hours later, y/n rushed to be the first one off the plane. luke had sent her a text with the hospital information on it so she got in a cab and gave the driver the directions.

when he pulled up to the hospital, she gave him a generous tip and headed inside. it only took a few minutes before she had arrived in jack's room. when he looked up, his eyes met hers and he smiled widely.

"hey. you actually came. i thought the discussion was all a dream."

"of course i came. you needed someone here with you." y/n set her bag down and sat in the chair next to his bed. "how do you feel?"

"better now that you're here." he smiled genuinely. "but still in a little pain. surgery is scheduled for tomorrow morning and even though it's happened before, i'm a little scared."

"there's nothing to be scared of, jack. your doctor is one of the best in the country. he's had tons of successful surgeries, yours included." y/n grabbed his hand. "you're tough, jack. you can do this."

"wow. i didn't know how much i needed you here until just now. thank you." he squeezed her hand 2 times harder. "you take the pain away. for real."

"i try my best." y/n looked down at her feet, the blush inevitable. "jack, there's something i want to talk about and if i wait any longer, i'll probably chicken out." she took a deep breath before speaking again. "i think i may love you. a lot. and i never realized it until i lost marcus. you helped me out of my depression and you brightened my life up, even though i didn't make it easy. you are my best friend and i think that you making me these rings may be a sign that you like me too. and i might be wrong about it so if you don't feel the same, please tell me now." she waited for a few seconds. the silence was enough of a confirmation that she was wrong. taking a breath, she looked up, only to find that jack had fallen asleep. she let out a sigh of relief and leaned back in her chair, never letting his hand go.

the next morning, y/n woke up to the soft sound of voices whispering to each other. she opened her eyes and the doctor was standing by the bed, talking to jack. his hand was still holding onto y/n's so when he felt her move, his head turned immediately.

"good morning."

"good morning." she sat up straighter. "what's going on?"

"the doctor was just coming in to get me ready for surgery."

"oh. okay. well, i'm gonna go get some coffee." y/n stood up and stretched. jack reached for her hand.

"wait. please?"

"okay." she sat back down and watched the doctor do his thing. when it was finally time for the surgery, the doctor began wheeling jack out. he looked at y/n.

"you're gonnabe here after, right?"

"of course, jack. i wouldn't leave you."

"okay good. i have to tell you something when this is all over."

"i'll be here." she watched the doctor take jack to the operating room. as she waited, she thought back to her confession last night. she had no idea if she would have the courage to say it all to him again.

a few hours later, jack was out of surgery and asleep in his room. y/n kept her eye on him while the nurses came in and out to check on him.

around 9 pm, jack finally woke up. y/n had fallen asleep with her head on the edge of jack's bed. he gently tapped the top of her head and she stirred. when she opened her eyes, she smiled at jack.

"hey. how are you feeling now?"

"better. a lot better." he smiled as y/n moved her chair closer to the bed.

"that's good." y/n held his hand for what felt like the millionth time in the past 2 days. but neither of them cared. it felt right.

jack's eyes travelled to their hands. "you're still wearing the ring."

"of course i am. you gave it to me. i love it."

"i love you." jack closed his eyes. "this was not the way i wanted to tell you though. you deserve better than a damn hospital room."

"it's okay, jack. i could be anywhere with you and it would be enough." y/n squeezed his hand and smiled. "i love you too, by the way."

"i thought that's what i heard last night but i figured i was dreaming." jack chuckled. "i heard your whole speech and i'm sorry i didn't reply."

"you were tired. i don't blame you." y/n looked at his shoulder. "i'm glad you got the surgery instead of being stubborn, like usual."

"well a really wise person i know made a really good point." jack smiled. "i'm gonna come back even stronger than before and it's all thanks to you."

"i'm sure your doctor would be very happy to hear that." y/n couldn't help but laugh. "i guess i'm gonna be the one to take care of you while you heal."

"hopefully you'll be a better caregiver than luke was last season when i was hurt."

"i'll be the best caregiver ever. but only for you. and sometimes lydia."

"does lydia still think i'm hot?"

"she does." y/n grinned. "but i think that she thinks luke is hotter. and even if she doesn't, there's still some vibes between them, right?"

"you noticed that too, huh?"

"yeah. i've noticed it before but that facetime call was like the icing on the cake."

"they'd be cute together though, don't you think?" jack grinned.

"oh for sure." y/n looked at the ring on her finger. "thank you for learning how to make these for me."

"they mean a lot to you, y/n. i like seeing you happy. it's gotta be the best sight for me."

"you must really like me then, huh?"

"i do. i definitely do. and i have for a while." jack looked away from y/n before speaking. "i know this might make me sound like an asshole, but the night you had that date with that one guy, i was hoping the entire night that it would be a terrible date. i wanted you to come home and complain about him. i had planned to tell you how i felt that night. but after everything, the timing just never felt right. i'm sorry about him, by the way. he didn't deserve you."

"i know. i was way out of his league. but i spent so long thinking the opposite. so when he finally asked me on the date, i was happy." y/n sighed. "it was supposed to be a good day. but it was the worst day of my life."

"i know. i remember picking you up at the restaurant. you were broken before i even brought you to the hospital. i felt terrible having to do it."

"it's okay, jack." y/n climbed onto the bed next to jack when he scooted over. "sometimes things have to happen. and it's not like marcus won't live on in our memories. he's always gonna be in here. and in here." y/n pointed to her head first, then her heart. "especially in here."

"good. never let him fade away." jack kissed the top of her head and sighed. "so, i love you."

"i know. and i love you too, doofus. we've established that." y/n turned to look at him. "maybe we can finally go on a date when you get out of this hospital."

"or we can have the first date here." jack raised an eyebrow. "the food isn't too bad."

"okay. you're definitely still on the drugs." y/n smirked.

"i wish. the pain is a little terrible."

"want me to get the nurse?"

"no. i have a better idea." jack dropped her hand and used his own to grab her chin gently. he leaned in and slanted his lips over hers. their first kiss may have only been a short one. but it packed a lot of emotions in it. jack rested his forehead against hers and chuckled.

"how's the pain now?"

"still hurts. but only a little now. the kiss definitely helped."

"good. i'm glad to hear that." y/n grinned and leaned on his good shoulder. "i'm proud of you."

"thank you for being proud of me." jack stroked her hair and closed his eyes. the two of them drifted off to sleep, content to finally be in each others arms.

#nhl #jack hughes #new jersey devils #jh86 #jack hughes x reader

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general-kenobis · 4 months ago

Text

i'm right here - E.M.

Summary: You've been friends with Eddie ever since middle school. You come back to Hawkins after spending a few years living with your parents in Texas, but you're met with the news that he's dating Chrissy- the one who would always say bad things about him. You like each other, but neither knows about each other's feelings.

Ps: You're Steve Harrington's sister and your nickname is Harrington/shortie.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Warnings: None for now!

Word count: 7k

⋆˚✿˖°

You flushed the toilet so the water running on the shower would get hotter while Steve was in there. "Come on, Steve. Hurry the fuck up, you're not meeting the Queen of England!" You whined.

"You're so gonna pay for that later!" He yelled as he threatened you.

Moments after his shower, Steve showed up on the staircase, fixing up his damp hair with a towel. "I think you should know Eddie is seeing Chrissy Cunningham. I know you guys haven't seen each other in almost like three years”.

He couldn’t read your expression, though he knew you had a thing for your friend. “Keep your panties on, groupie. I know you have a crush on him" He mocked you without noticing you were almost choking on your own spit.

"First, don't ever say that nasty thing again. And second, I don't have a crush on him".

"Yeah, the way you hide it is so nonchalant" Steve satirized, laughing at the way you tried to throw a cushion at him.

"If you don't shut up and hurry up, I'll let the entire school know you use Farrah Fawcet's hair spray" Steve almost choked on his cereal and you snorted.

"Don't you fucking dare!"

You and Eddie were good friends before you moved out to Texas. It's not like you were best friends, but you were pretty close. You would always go to your hideout together to smoke weed and then you'd go to his house to see him play guitar.

It kinda hit you like a truck to know he was seeing the one girl who had always been talking shit about him and mocking him at school and he didn't even know that. Point being, if he actually did know, then he was just being completely oblivious.

You had no idea how you'd react when seeing him with Chrissy, but nothing prepared you for the moment you got inside the school. His hair was longer, he was skinny and he had a lot more rings than you remembered. You couldn't shake the feeling of seeing him laughing close to her, while she was wearing her cheerleader outfit. This might be the weirdest shit you've seen, the outcast going out with the most popular girl in school, if not the city.

You stood there for a good two minutes without saying anything, while Steve kept calling you out of your daydreaming. "Jesus, can you act like you're not going to faint?".

You grit your teeth and elbow your brother on the ribs. “Shut the fuck up”.

Steve pulls you by your arm and makes a beeline to his locker. You had to be in your class in about 10 minutes, but when Eddie saw you in the distance, he froze. He kept staring at you while Chrissy poked him in the chest, calling his name out. You didn't see he was looking until you realized he was coming towards you.

"Oh my God, the better Harrington!" He said out loud and your brother let out a sarcastic laugh. Eddie was smiling widely, opening his arms. He reached you in a tight grip, his arms wrapped around your neck.

"Eddie!" You gave him a big smile, even though he didn't see it.

He smelled just like you remembered, tobacco and a cheap cologne. Obviously not the same one anymore, but it still smelled too good. His curls were brushing your face, tickling your nose.

You held him by his skinny waist and could barely breathe. This was the closest you've been to him in a million years. "It's such a surprise to see you. Your brother didn't tell me you would come!".

"Yeah, she came back from Texas. Ditched our parents to come and live with her favorite family member" He joked and Eddie laughed.

"No way you came back to Hawkins" He let go of you, still looking surprised.

Your breath hitched your throat at the way he looked at you as you nodded. It seemed like Eddie couldn’t believe you were standing right there in front of him. He could never think you would come back to that hell hole and the thought of seeing you every day made his heart race for some reason. Steve was completely aware of your feelings, now you couldn't hide you did have a crush on him.

"I didn't want to stay with our parents forever. I wanted to be more independent, you know. And then Steve and I talked, he agreed on having me over" You started rambling, your hands were shaking and you almost stumbled over your words.

Steve noticed the way you were practically stressing and hovered over your shoulder. "You mean I was obliged to have you over" He taunted.

"Good to see you're back, shortie" You forgot how much you loved when he called you like that.

Eddie was really surprised to see you there. Happy, even. For a moment he forgot about Chrissy, turning over to call her out. Oh, God. You looked over your brother and he squinted.

"You remember Chrissy? You guys were in plays together, right?" He reached over her hand, you watched her smile and snuggle with him.

Like it's hard to not remember her.

"Sure! How have you been?" You played cool. Deep inside you wanted to smash her head against the lockers and snap at her for being such a bitch. And hypocritical.

You and Eddie didn't talk too much after that, you had to get to your locker before going to class. He made sure you'd meet during lunch, but you don't think you had the guts to be there. Because Chrissy would be there.

The entire time Steve was watching over you while you were at their table. Good thing you at least met his friends he was always talking about. You got along really well with Robin, she was really nice. You had a lot of fun on the first day, not just because of them. But because you were able to make friends from your classes, which you were afraid wouldn't happen.

After school, your brother gave you a ride back home before he went to work. During the entire time, you were complaining about Chrissy and Steve was trying to make you feel conformed. It was actually hard for him to see how much you liked Eddie and how much you hated her.

Even though you were always mocking each other, he loved you unconditionally.

"God, what a fucking bitch. You know her better than me now, right? You remember how much she would talk shit about him? Obviously not right at his face, but people knew. I knew!" You snapped.

"Look, I know. Maybe she's changed a bit, I don't see her doing what she used to do. But he likes her" He tried being reasonable.

"Of course he likes her. She's pretty, she's the head cheerleader. She's a manipulative twat" Your brother snorted at your words.

"I get that it would bother you. It does seem hypocritical, but people change. Sometimes it's hard to understand her motivations, maybe she just sees something different in him" You frowned at Steve.

"I don't buy that".

"Either way, we're going to a haunted house tomorrow after my shift. He's coming too. I don't know about her" He said, pulling by the driveway.

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" You retorted. It wasn't enough for you to know he was seeing the most two-faced person at school besides Jason. You had to go out with her as well.

Later that night, you had been thinking about a way of spending time with your brother and his friends without being catastrophically awkward near Eddie. And worse, near him and Chrissy. You just wish you could punch the life out of her pretty face, but you couldn't.

With Halloween being closer, the city was already decorated with adornments and the stores have set a good amount of Halloween displays. You and Steve were yet to decorate his house, but every other neighbor had already done that.

You were finishing getting ready, looking at yourself in the mirror, nervously thinking about Eddie. God, you don't remember the last time you acted so foolish over a crush like that, it was honestly terrifying as hell.

But then again, what's the reason you're being like that if he's one of your closest friends? And also, it doesn't matter how you look because Chrissy is seeing him anyway. You huffed, walking downstairs to wait for Steve, who was almost late, again.

"Steve, get your ugly face right here, so we can use you to scare the kids" You shouted, taunting your brother, so he would hurry up.

He took about two minutes to show up. His hair perfectly sat on his head, like always. He looked like he was about to go to a Fashion Week event.

"You know it's dark in there, right? No one's going to see you".

"Fuck you, sis. I have a date afterwards, but that's none of your business" He replied.

There was a good amount of people already waiting in line when you got there. You saw Robin, Nancy, Jonathan and Eddie. It was the first time you were seeing him out of school, but it didn't feel like it was the same thing. You just had no idea why.

"You forgot your baseball bat, Harrington" The metalhead implied, snorting. Steve let out a sarcastic laugh.

"I'm not scared of it, dumbass. You should be the one scared of the spiders" Your brother brought it up. And then you remembered it like it was yesterday.

You were in your basement placing the Halloween decoration for your "private" party, there were a lot of spiders, cockroaches and bats spread all over the wall. But the spiders were too realistic, and before he even got in the room, you dropped one of them on his head and he started screaming.

It made you laugh so hard you almost peed yourself. You didn't know he was scared of spiders at the time, and it was too amusing for you. For him, it was terrifying, honestly. You immediately started laughing at the memory, and he stared at you.

"Oh, God. I remember that, like it was yesterday. You were so scared of the spider decoration, I've never seen you walk up the stairs so fast" You were still laughing. He chuckled at the thought, pushing your shoulder slightly.

"Yeah, yeah, I know it sounds ridiculous. But big spiders are crazy shit" He was still chuckling. Steve looked from you to his friend, tilting his head. You still were good friends, he just didn't want you to get hurt.

It was a big haunted house. They really put effort into the ornament, the features included demons, ghosts, skeletons, zombies, monsters, possessed people, witches, serial killers, and slashers. For the most part of it, it was just walking through the hallways without a jump scare, but that was the fun was about.

You were walking with Nancy and Robin, too close to not be apart from each other. But one of the zombies screamed so loud next to you that Robin's reflection was to just run out of that hallway. You were still laughing with Nancy at your friend's reaction.

Then you told her to reach for the girl while you stayed behind. You liked seeing the details of it, how they managed to make an entire house so well decorated. The only creepy thing was a possessed face hanging out of a frame, but it wasn't moving.

You were walking backwards, still staring at the details, when you bumped your back into something and immediately yelled. Your heart was racing like crazy. You turn around and see Eddie there.

"Holy shit, I didn't see you there!" He was placing a hand over his chest. He was probably looking for the others. "Jesus H. Christ, I almost had a stroke".

"Just you? I thought I was having a heart attack" You slapped him on his forearm and he laughed. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I lost one of my rings" He replied, and you were about to speak, but he cut you off. "Before you say that's not important, it's my favorite one".

You chuckled, obviously. You thought it was cute, him having a favorite ring when they were all weird alike. But he was a weirdo as well. In a good way.

"I didn't say anything" You defended yourself. "I think it's probably going to be really hard to look for it here. It's too dark”.

He crouched down, looking for the accessory in every possible corner of the place. If only there was a flashlight in there.

"Who even wants a ring like that?" You joked, you knew he was going to flip at you for talking shit about a ring. But that was the fun about it.

"Shut up and help me, shortie. You're still a little evil as I remember" He retorted and you snorted. You would always be one to mock him and playfully satirize his tastes, even though you never judged him for not liking the things he liked.

You and Eddie spent a good amount of time looking for that ring. You looked behind the decoration, under it, in every single corner of the place. You even asked the masked people, the zombies, witches and the other staff for his accessory and didn't find it.

"Remember when we went to that fair when we were, like, 12? You lost your earrings and couldn't stop crying" He started, making his way back to the second floor.

You chuckled. They were your favorite, because Steve got them for you from a bag of chips, and you thought it was so cute you always wore them.

"I only stopped crying when he promised me he would get me a new pair. But he never did and eventually I forgot about it".

"You almost made us look everywhere. It was impossible, and we had to. You said you were going to pull our hair out of our scalp if we didn't help" Eddie was laughing at the memory.

"Are you saying that if we don't find it, you're going to cry and pull my hair out?". He snorted.

"No, but I am going to be sad. I bought it like, a few years ago when I went to Ohio". Really, he sounds too cute talking about a ring.

It hit you that you were thinking it was cute only because you thought he was cute. Your brother and the others were probably looking for you right now. And it didn't take longer for one of them to find you there. Two weirdos looking behind the decorations.

After a moment of silence, you spoke. "So, how are things with Chrissy?". You were interested in his relationship with her, you just wanted to know about how far it would go.

"We've only been going out for a couple of months. She's really nice. Kinda weird to think of it, she's still a cheerleader, and I'm the outcast".

"Yeah, real nice" You satirize, but he doesn't catch it. "I'm really happy for you. Not so much for her".

He was about to ask what you meant, but someone showed up behind you.

"As much as I would like to stay over the entire night, can we just leave?" Robin asked as she saw you both weirdly looking at the ornaments.

"He lost one of his rings and he's going to cry if he doesn't find it" You mock.

"Oh, I think Steve found it right after you dropped it".

Indeed, your brother found his ring and kept it in his pocket. Turns out, the night out was fun, despite your conversation with Eddie. You know you shouldn't have said too much, but he was probably going to forget about it anyway.

You wanted him to be happy, you really did. But every time you remember what Chrissy did and how much shit she used to talk about him, you can't help but be bitter about it.

You spent the weekend at home and had a sleepover at Robin's with Nancy. You had a really great time getting to know them better, listening to their stories about school and other things about Hawkins.

It was a good thing to get distracted and not think too much about Eddie and his new girlfriend. For all you know, he's been having a great time with her.

Steve asked you to spend more time with him and the others at their table during lunch. You had no problem with that, because you weren’t that close to the other girls from your classes yet, and it would be too awkward for you. Nonsense. It was way more awkward now, sitting next to Robin and Jonathan, while your brother was sitting right in front of you with Nancy on one side, and Eddie - with her.

You guys were talking about the Halloween party someone you didn’t know was going to throw the following weekend. You were all figuring out what to wear, and you could hear Robin rambling about wanting to rent a camo costume. Everyone laughed when you said Steve should probably wear his former sailor Scoops Ahoy uniform as he flipped you a finger.

Your brother reminded everyone at the table the times you both would go outside for trick or treating and would come back with heavy buckets of candy, because he would steal them from the other kids. Steve also brought up the one time Eddie was following along with you two, but started wheezing because his asthma was bad.

“Oh, no. Poor Eddie” Chrissy pouted, holding his chin before leaving a peck on his cheek. He mirrored her playfully, and you scrunched your nose. “I didn’t know you were asthmatic”.

“Of course you didn’t” Your words slipped from your mouth faster than your brain could think of it and Steve kicked you on the shin under the table.

Chrissy flipped her head to look at you, her head almost tilted, like she didn’t get what you said. Eddie didn’t notice what you said, either.

Once they were back to talking about the Halloween party, you couldn’t stop watching them both being too cheesy next to each other. It started annoying you, at some point. Jonathan was probably bothered by it too, but he’s one that wouldn’t even kiss in front of people anyway.

After class, you were heading to the library to work on a new project. Halfway through your walk, Eddie reached over your shoulder. He pulled you by his hand. He had just finished smoking a cigarette, from the looks of it.

“Hey, how’s school been?” He wrapped your shoulder around one of his arms, walking side to side.

“So far, so good. It’s different from Texas but, still, it’s school” You shrugged. There wasn’t much of a difference, really. “How have you been during these few years?”

“Ah, nothing much. Been helping uncle Wayne, selling goodies for the kids and practicing with my band. Which, by the way, you should see us some time”.

“I definitely will. I still remember you wanted your future band to be called Corroded Coffin” You chuckled.

You found a table near the entrance and sat down, while Eddie followed you doing the same, resting one of his arms on the chair.

“Yep, that’s the name” You couldn’t point out the effect his smile actually had over you. Maybe this is one of the features she saw in him.

“I’m hopeful the band is going to work out, you know. You’ve always loved playing”. And you loved watching your friend play guitar, not just because he looked so sexy doing it. But because he was a really good player.

Eddie nodded, resting his head against your shoulder while you tried to remember what you were about to do at the library.

“Doesn’t it bother Chrissy that you’re friends with girls?” You know this is dangerous territory. Not for him, but for you. Because you know you might end up talking more than you should.

He shook his head. That is some twisted information for you to gather. Maybe it’s because she thinks no one would actually be in love with him.

You were in seventh grade, you were friends with Chrissy and other girls at the time. Hawkins always had a group of cheerleaders, and their captains were always the same. Too pretty, too skinny and too bitchy. God, she was such a bitch.

You honestly hated that, so you never really went for it. But during classes and sleepovers with the other girls, you were slowly finding out the blonde, sweet-smiling girl was only sweet to people she chose to be. You had no idea if she ever talked shit about you, but that doesn’t seem like it.

Either way, you knew, and you still remember how she would talk about your brother, even if she said she was kidding. Steve is the hottest guy ever, but he’s such a fucking himbo. And then she would look at you and say “Steve is a great guy, I’m just kidding”. Yeah… right. Then, you always overheard her saying how creepy and lunatic Eddie was. How he could never be able to pick up a girl, because he wasn’t attractive at all. You never did anything, because you didn’t want to start a fight.

You didn’t want to hurt him, telling him the truth. Why would you say it now? It would probably hurt him more. One, because you kept it from him. And two, he might not even want to believe you after four years. Everything was already fucked up, Steve knew how much you liked Eddie and how much you cared about him. But it was hard to tell him that. Steve never said anything either, because Eddie was closer to you, not him. He didn’t want to overstep your friendship.

You only realized the metalhead was talking to you when he slightly tapped his palm over your forehead. “Fucking trapped over there? I’ve been talking to you like a dork over here”.

Your smile almost faltered, lowering your head. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I’m still thinking about that, it’s weird dating her, right?”.

“A little, but we like each other”. He was grinning too hard. “She’s really nice, by the way. I was wondering if you and the girls could include her in your hanging outs?”.

God, how are you gonna say no to him? Fuck no, you couldn’t. But you will have to, don’t you? If you say no, he’s gonna be upset.

“Uh- I can ask Robin and Nance about that, see what they think?” You were almost spilling everything out to him, just so you could get rid of that puppy eyed face he was pulling.

“Really? Sounds good, shortie!” He gave you a tight hug before leaving you alone.

And then, you threw your notebook on the table and leaned your arms against it, holding your head in your hands. How long until you consider going back to fucking Texas already?

You would spend most of the days trying to distract yourself from thinking about Eddie and his relationship with Chrissy. It was starting to become obsessive and Steve was already too annoyed to hear you talking about his friend over and over. He would tell you to get over it, but it was really impossible to forget how much shit she used to talk about your friend. Maybe it's the fact that you decided to hide it from him, maybe it's because you don't wanna ruin it for him seeing how happy he is.

Steve was about to go on a double date bowling with Robin and Vicky when he looked over the living room, watching as you flipped over the channels looking for something to watch. Everything seemed boring because your head was way too far from this planet. He stepped in front of the TV as he placed his hands over his waist and looked at you. You raise your head and stare back at him with a frown.

"Why are you looking at me like that, freak?" You pushed him off and sat back on the couch, still frantically pushing the buttons on the remote.

"I'm going on a double date and you look like shit. I thought maybe you'd like to go" You scoffed at his words, shaking your head.

"And be the fifth wheel? No, thanks"

Why would you even want to be there with two couples, while watching them having fun? You're not in the mood to get out of the house and interact.

Steve didn't even think about insisting, he fumbled for his car keys over the pocket of his jeans and left.

You huffed. Maybe it wasn't so bad to go with them and just play a little, right? What if you were supposed to be doing that instead of feeling sorry for Eddie? Who, by the way, must be having a lot of fun with her right now. Rolling your eyes, you get up from the couch and go to your bedroom looking for something to wear. You didn't want to actually dress up like you usually do, so you put on your favorite Nike and grab a denim jacket before leaving the house.

The sad thing about deciding to go out is that you'd have to walk down the streets. For a moment you didn't realize it, but then it came to your mind that you didn't know where the hell the bowling place was. As you stopped in your tracks in the middle of your walk, you laughed sarcastically. How can you be so dumb? The only other choice you had was to head over to the closest gas station and find a phone.

You tried Nancy's, but she was with Jonathan. Dustin and the other kids were too young to drive and you weren't actually friends with anyone else. The only other choice was probably unavailable either, but you had to try. You didn't want to walk back home and it wasn't exactly that safe to be alone in the streets when it's dark.

You heard the other line ringing too many times. Of course it's just ringing. You feel like a stupid bitch for calling. But only until the line goes on.

"Hello?" It's him, you feel yourself freezing in place and suddenly your throat goes dry.

It felt like you stood there holding the phone for several minutes before you could speak up. You heard his voice say "hello" about three times.

"If this is you, Henderson, I'm going to freaking punch you at school! Stop calling me, you punk" He said with a sigh and you couldn't help but laugh.

"I thought you'd be getting calls from girls and even from your girlfriend. But never from Dustin" You feel your heart racing against your chest and it's ridiculous to notice how dumb it is to feel like that.

"Huh? Who is it?"

You laugh again and bite your lower lip playfully. "If you guess, I'll give you a chocolate yoohoo".

Eddie snorts and laughs.

"Hey, shortie. What do I owe the pleasure of your call?"

"I'll tell you, but if you laugh I'll chop off a chunk of your hair!" You warn him as you play with the phone wire.

"You wouldn't! I promise I won't laugh, just tell me"

"I was going to the bowling place, but it turns out I don't know the address. Stevie is on a double date with Robin and my only option was Nancy" It wasn't entirely true, you really wanted to call him first. But you didn't want to be desperate because of him.

"Ouch" He muses "So I wasn't an option?"

"No- It's not... I thought you were out with Chrissy so I didn't want to bother you" Saying it out loud sounds a lot more stupid than it was inside your head.

This is actually pretty ridiculous and so humiliating.

"You never bother me, shortie. And Chris is out with her girl friends" Chris. Ugh, this is so weird. "So, where the hell are you so I can pick you up?"

He arrived at the gas station in less than ten minutes. Eddie parked his van and got off the vehicle just so he could open the passenger door for you. This is so sweet I could just punch his face, you thought.

He sat next to you and turned the radio back on, a song from Metallica started playing at a low volume and you scrunched up your eyebrows. This is something you never witnessed, he was always playing music too loud back then.

"What happened to the loud music?" You ask as you buckle yourself and Eddie starts the car.

"Uh, force of habit" He laughs through his nose. "Chrissy usually wants to turn it down so I just leave it. I kinda got used to it"

She what? God, she's such a bitch.

You try not to show off your disappointment, so you act like it's okay. "So it doesn't bother you that she doesn't want your radio to be loud?"

"You'd be surprised she doesn't want to change the tapes all the time" He says it with a smile on his face, but it bothers you on such a high level.

You trip over your words a few times. You're really bad at disguising your actions. For a bitch, she's quite nice to him. Maybe she's changed.

"Wow, she really loves you" Your words come out sarcastically but he doesn't notice it and agrees with you.

"Yeah, I think she does. Sometimes it's hard to believe it" Everything about this is so wrong and you can't help but feel bad for him. You're really trying to be happy.

Before Eddie pulls up by the bowling parking lot, he makes sure he stays and pairs up with you so you can all play. You like the idea, and your stomach fills in with butterflies and he looks at you and says you and he are the best "couple".

Steve looks at you weird when you show up with Eddie, and gives you a sided eye when he greets his friend. You just shrug, letting him know you'll explain it later. Robin, on the other hand, seems quite happy to see him there. They became really close after everything that happened after Vecna, and how he's grateful for them for taking care of him when he almost died. You only knew the story, you could see some fading scars over his face, just like the ones Steve has.

"Alright, shortie. You take the lighter balls and I'll have the heavy ones. We're aiming for all the pins, try not to slip over the lane. And no bumpers" He says it like you're a child and fakes a gasp when you punch him in the shoulder.

"I've played before, you moron!"

"You can't even hold the ball without complaining that your fingers hurt" Steve chimes in your conversation, sitting next to you as you put on your shoes.

You look over at him and roll your eyes. "How would you play with a broken finger, bro?" You tease him.

Your brother seems confused with your question. You get up from your seat only to step up with your right foot over your it right where his hand rests. Your bowling shoe presses against his fingers and you watch as Steve struggles to pull his hand back to him. His fingers look bruised already and he takes a few steps toward you.

"You little bitch" He whispers. "You better find some other place to sleep tonight"

You stare back at him with a sided smile over your face, while he tries not to choke his own sister in public.

"Alright brother and sister, let's have some fun okay? It's just a joke" Robin comes to you both and holds her friend's forearm, pulling him closer to her. You watch him give you the middle finger and you can't help but laugh.

Steve's date is a nice girl and really smart. Emma is also funny and likes to make jokes as well, but her father isn't so nice. She had to leave earlier than she thought after her dad came to pick her up. You see how your brother seems upset, especially because it's been so long since he hadn't been having fun with girls. They were all too annoying or too difficult to deal with.

It was you against Eddie and Robin against Steve now. Eddie took his time to teach you a few things and tricks, he graciously grasped his calloused fingers against your skin and you could feel a strange electricity run through your body and Eddie felt the same. For a moment he thought it could’ve been his mind playing games, but when he looked over to his left side he saw Steve staring at both of you with worry in his eyes.

Your brother doesn’t want things to go wrong for his friend, and he knows how much Eddie cared about you too. The metalhead shook his head lightly and focused on telling you how to release the ball without it hurting your fingers. All you could hear was a buzz in your ears and it was hard to stay sane when there’s a man standing inches from your face teaching you how to hold a fucking bowling ball.

The next few minutes, though, were played in slow motion for Eddie. He watched as Chrissy arrived with Jason resting his right arm around her small shoulders. She was smiling at him and laughing at something he was telling her. If it wasn’t for Robin, Eddie probably would’ve dropped the heavier ball over your foot. You didn’t see it happening right away because you were tying your shoes, but when you noticed Steve kicking you incessantly, you turned over just in time to see her with the basketball team leader.

Isn’t it just funny? Funny how both are the most popular and obnoxious people in school. Funny how they “match” because of the status and how wrong everything about that is. Eddie stood there frozen in his place, his shoulders were hard as a rock and slumped, while Robin tried talking to him. You looked over Steve and saw his expression turn into anger. You know how much he tries not to break someone’s nose when he crosses his arms against his chest and just scowls at people. That’s how protective he is over his friends and he learned to be protective over Eddie as well.

“What a fucking bitch” Robin whispered right next to Eddie, who instantly turned his head to look at her for a second. “I’m sorry”.

She rested one of her hands over his shoulder and he didn’t move an inch from his place as he watched them both look at each other and smile. They didn’t even notice all of you from the other side of the place and maybe it was for the best. You felt as Steve pulled you by your hand and looked at Robin, who was still holding Eddie’s shoulder while all of you walked out of there without being noticed.

He didn’t have an expression on his face for the first seconds after you got to the parking lot. But as soon as he stood closer to his van, Eddie gripped a strand of his hair with both hands leaving a heavy sigh from his lips. The three of you didn’t know what to say or do, and watched as your friend had an outbreak moment. He laughed, Eddie laughed so loud and it was an obvious fake laugh. The one you let out when you’re nervous. Now looking closely, you can see a tear being shed and slide down his cheek. You couldn’t help yourself and walked up to him, holding him closely as you rested your chin on his shoulder. He’s a little taller, so you have to be on tippy toes.

“She-” His voice broke from holding back the tears and you forcefully closed your eyes in anger. “She said she loved me”

“I’m really sorry, Ed” You try to comfort him but you know he’s hurting and it won’t make a difference now. But you want to be there for him and stop the tears from falling if you need to.

“How could she do that?” His voice was barely above a whisper and he wasn’t feeling ashamed of crying in front of his friends.

It takes both of you a few minutes after breaking the contact, and you watch as Eddie tries to get rid of his wet face with the hem of his t-shirt. Don’t look, now is not the fucking time. You don’t answer his question, but you know it’s time for you to let him know the truth. He deserves to know she’s always been and always will be a fucking slut. Eddie gets in the car after opening the passenger door for you and you sit there not really knowing how you’re going to say it.

As he sits down and exhales a long sigh, he fixes his messed hair and looks at you. His smile is broken and his eyes are a little puffy and you feel your heart break. Your first instinct is to carefully place one hand over his jawline and rub your thumb against his skin. “I’m sorry about the outbreak” He says.

“You don’t have to be sorry about that, Eddie”

“I just don’t fucking understand anything! She said she was hanging out with her cheerleader friends and I told her it was okay and that I was staying home. I was tired from working at the library. God, she- It’s Jason fucking Carver, that guy hates me!” Eddie sounded pretty much like he was frustrated with everything at that moment and you couldn’t do much.

You couldn’t do anything to take away his pain, you just had to be there for him. Maybe it’s better to end this now and accept the fact he’s gonna hate you forever, rather than hiding from him what she’s been like from the beginning.

“She’s always been like that, Eddie” You whispered, watching as he slowly looked at you with a blank stare. He furrowed his brows and tilted his head a little. “She… used to talk about you back in middle school. A lot of bad things. About how creepy you were and that you would never have friends. When we were all together before the plays, she would say things like that, Chrissy used to talk about Steve too. She talked about him so many times”.

You were trying to be patient and wait for a response but it never came. He just kept staring back at you for a couple of minutes, biting his lower lip a little too hard for your liking. And then he laughed again, and that’s when you knew shit was about to go down. Because you know he would believe you. But it comes with a consequence.

He laughed for a few seconds and tossed his head back with a hard laugh. God, it was actually terrifying to look at him like that. Eddie lowered his head and gripped your hand with one of his own. He didn’t push it, he just placed it back over your lap.

“So, you’re telling me… that you’ve known this entire time she never liked me- And- And you never told me?” His tone came out a little hoarse and hurt, it made your skin shiver. It’s not like he was gonna yell at you because it isn’t Eddie, but he was definitely hurt.

“I didn’t want to hurt you back then, Eddie. And then when I found out you were together I saw how happy you were!” You felt your own tears stream down your face as you tried to keep eye contact with him, but it was too painful to look.

“Do I look like I’m fucking happy now? Why would you never tell me someone was talking shit about me?” Eddie was so upset with you right now, but he could never treat a woman like shit. Not even when he’s the most stressed.

“Because you didn’t deserve that! It was Chrissy, she was never nice to people she didn’t like. I don’t think she ever liked me as a matter of fact! She never got along with Steve!”

“It doesn’t concern me if she liked me or not. It matters to me what she did back then and why the fuck she decided I was the one she liked now! Jesus H. Christ, Harrington. She literally played me and I’m sitting in my fucking car right now just digesting everything she ever did” Eddie started crying again and this time his tears were from being upset and disappointed. It was because of you now, not because of her.

He called you Harrington, it's the weirdest thing to ever hear when it comes to him, because he never calls his friends by their last name unless he's mad or it's just a joke. But it isn't a joke.

“I know, I’m really sorry about that. I never bought the story that she genuinely liked you and I really wanted to believe she did. But I never trusted her, I never liked her either. Eddie, I swear I never wanted you to get hurt like this” You raised your left hand to brush off his tears while with your right one you held his shoulder, trying to comfort him.

“I really believed she did. She never seemed to make it like it wasn’t true. God, I’m so fucking dumb! You should’ve told me befo-” His words choked over his crying and you felt your heart sink in your chest.

“I never wanted things to end like this, I’m so sorry Eds. I really am, I was supposed to let you know, I know that. It wasn’t fair to you!”

“She was the only person who ever liked me and now I’m back to being alone and-” You gripped his wet chin and raised his head so he could look at you. Eddie was a mess, his hair was damp from all the crying and his bangs were all over his face.

“Hey, she’s not the only person who ever liked you…” Your hands were trembling and your heart was racing.

"What does that even mean?" He looked very confused. He was struggling to stop crying and you could see how much he was stressed.

It was a surprise he wasn't having an asthma attack yet.

You bit your lower lip and didn't try to disguise what you wanted to say. You just hated that the situation brought you two into this mess and now you're about to tell him what you've been holding in for years.

Both of you were looking intensely at each other and Eddie let out a gasp of disbelief. He was surprised, that was the only word enough to describe him right now.

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