#i keep telling myself that i probably have retake one of them

[megan-loves-surveys]

More and more.

Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch? Only a Spleens plushie from Gray Still Plays haha. It's a shame cos right after they were sent out, he stopped playing Sims 4 and dropped it altogether :/

Do you think oatmeal tastes better when made with water or milk? Milk definitely.

Have you ever left a note in a library book? No.

What time of day do you prefer to wash your hair? Morning. If I wait till evening I'll get lazy and just won't do it lol.

Has anyone ever spread lies about you? Definitely. The worst was some bitch at school telling everyone I was pregnant and the father was one of our teachers. I wasn't pregnant lol.

Have you ever taken a photograph with a celebrity? If so, did it turn out the way you wanted, or do you wish you could retake it? Oh yeah! I've met numerous wrestlers and singers. I met Five on Tuesday night, they were lovely and the photo looks amazing. I've also met my favourite wrestler Jon Moxley 5 times, all of our photos look amazing. I also met John Cena, he's probably the most famous person I've met. He's a beautiful soul <3

If you could move out of your home country permanently, would you? If so, where would you go? Maybe. I'd prob go to the USA or UK. Or maybe Australia.

Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? No.

Have you ever felt like you were someone’s rebound? Yeah, but I knew I was tbh lol.

Did you have a lot of role models as a kid? Members of girl groups like Spice Girls, Girls Aloud, Atomic Kitten, Sugababes etc.

Do you feel like anyone looks up to you? Why or why not? Haha no.

Who is the nicest person you know? Hard to pick!!

Do you feel safe in your country? Mostly, yeah.

Do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before? No.

Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Hmm, not sure.

Do you like marshmallows? Yes.

Have you ever fostered an animal? No.

Have you ever thrown up from cramps? Yes.

Would you ever start a vlog? No.

What are your favorite spicy foods? Curry, or spicy chips haha.

Did you feel insecure in high school? Not really.

What was your favorite class in high school? Computers/IT and Legal Studies.

If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist? I've never been to a gynecologist, so I dunno.

What gives you nightmares? Watching or reading anything creepy right before I go to sleep.

Were you ever hospitalized as a child? Yes.

Did you get senior pictures taken? That's not a thing in my country.

Would you rather wear ivory or white on your wedding day? What color will your bridesmaids wear? I'm not getting married.

Do you think babies are cute? Yes! I don't want kids myself, but I do think babies are especially adorable - as long as they belong to other people xD

Have you ever moved to another state? -

Can you say the alphabet backwards? I'm sure I could try.

If you were to make videos on YouTube, what would they be of? I upload live performances of concerts I go to sometimes lol.

Posting pictures of yourself in a bathing suit on the internet - ok or not? I've posted nudes on the internet, so yeah swimsuit would be fine xD

If you’re in a bad mood, would you rather be with friends or alone? Depends.

What’s the last thing you took a picture of? It's of me meeting Five, I didn't actually take the pic but it's on my phone so it counts.

Are you good at remembering birthdays? Yes.

Do you listen to podcasts? No.

Would you rather watch a movie in a theater or at home? Theatre.

Who’s the messiest person you know? Myself, lol.

Are you close with any of your exes? No.

What’s your favorite type of cheese? Colby.

Can you read sheet music? No.

Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No.

How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food? Once, last Friday, I had KFC.

Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks? You mean like soft drink? Cos I like it, but I drink water more lol.

Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? Blue sky xD

Friend asks you to hide drugs, booze etc for them, do you do it? No.

You fill your best friend’s Xmas stocking, what do you put in it? Lindt chocolate, a mug from Starbucks and a few giftcards.

You fill your worst enemy’s stocking, what do you put in it? I don't have enemies.

You fill your OWN stocking, what do you put in it? Giftcards for Steam & Spotify, a wrestling t-shirt and a Mox themed phone case xD

If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? Definitely! I've wanted to get a cat since before Covid, but never got around to it.

Favorite type of cracker: Any!! Just gimme crunchy.

Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Dunno.

Bagels or English muffins? English muffins.

Who is a family member you look forward to seeing on a holiday? Dunno.

Do you do anything to recognize St Patrick’s Day? I'll wear a green shirt, but that's about it haha. I have a St Patrick's Mox shirt that I'll wear this year.

Who mows the lawn at your house? We don't have a lawn, we barely even have a garden lol.

Where do you keep your phone at night? It's always right next to my pillow - it needs to be there so Pokémon Sleep can track properly.

Best Happy Meal toy you ever got: Hard to say, I had hundreds lol.

Do you like the color yellow at all? Sure.

Who sings the last song you listened to? Blue <3

Have you ever watched South Park? Who’s your favorite character? Yes, and Cartman was always hilarious. SCREW YOU GUYS I'M GOING HOME xD

What member of your family are you most similar to? In which ways? My Mum prob.

If you could have any animal as a pet, what would you have? I just want a cat.

Do you ever shop at Aldi? Do you even have one nearby? We don't have that shop in my country.

Do you enjoy rhododendrons? Dunno lol.

Have you ever met someone who supports Nazism? Not that I know of.

If you’ve ever been to another country, what was the best thing you did there? I've been to the USA numerous times, the best thing is always attending WWE shows, I've been to dozens over there.

What’s the worst sickness you’ve ever had? Flu in 2019, I have never felt so sick in my life.

Is your favorite animal something you can have as a pet? It's a cat, what do you think xD

Are you good at gardening? I don't garden, so no clue.

What was the last classic novel you read? Did you enjoy it? Dunno.

Do you own any pet fish? What kind of fish are they? No.

When was the last time you took your pet to the vet? What was wrong with it? -

Have you ever known someone who was in an abusive relationship? Yes.

Does your hair have natural highlights in it? No, it's dyed right now.

What was the last decision you had trouble making? What time to leave for the Five meet and greet. I had no clue what the traffic would be like lol. In the end, I made the right decision cos I got there about 15 minutes before they began letting us in.

When was the last time you wore a dress? The other day!

Do you have a water bottle sitting next to you? Yep, my litre bottle.

When was the last time you walked outside barefoot? Dunno, a few months ago?

What is one type of fruit that you’d like to try that you’ve never tried before? Dunno.

Do you have a balcony? No.

Have you ever lived alone? No.

If not, would you ever want to live alone? Hmm, maybe.

If yes, do/did you like it? -

Would you rather live alone or with someone? Depends who the person is xD

When was the last time you saw your mom? About an hour ago.

Did you read a really good book today? I haven't read any of Reach For The Stars today, so no.

Do you wish you had a swimming pool? 👙 No.

Do you ever have so much energy that it annoys you? On occasion.

What are three things you like that rhyme with June? Not sure haha.

Do you use an inhaler every day? I've never used one.

What was the last thing you drank? Water.

What color shirt are you wearing? Black.

Are you wearing anything tie-dye right now? No.

Are you severely allergic to anything, and if so, what? Not severely, but a lot of stuff makes me sick or gives me migraine.

Have you been told by a doctor that you are a rare medical case? Not by a doctor but a physiotherapist I went to see after I broke my shoulder told me I was the only person who'd ever come to their practise who'd broken a bone as severely as I did (I broke it in 5 places, it completely shattered, I had to get a plate and screws put in cos it wouldn't heal on it's own).

What is one thing you hate about Prednisone (if applicable)? Dunno.

Do you have to wear a mask whenever you clean? No.

Does your phone annoy you? No, I love my phone!

Who was the last person who came to visit you? My boyfriend.

Are you listening to a good song right now? Yes, Five - That's What You Told Me <3 One of my faves from my fave album of all time.

When was the last time you wore headphones? Today at the gym I wore my Airpods while I was working out, I was watching the second hour of AEW Dynamite, and then I switched to a YouTube video after it ended.

Have you encountered anything supernatural yet today? No.

Have you ever seen a UFO? 🛸 No.

Are you an alien? 👽 Haha xD

What was the last flavor of ice cream you ate? Chocolate.

What grocery store do you shop at the most? Pak N Save, but we go to Woolworths/Countdown as well.

What is your most severe allergy (at least to your knowledge)? Antibiotics - most of the ones I've tried give me horrible diarrhea, a bad rash and migraines.

At what age did you start to feel mature (if applicable) ? Hmm.

What’s the largest library fine you’ve had? Over 20 bucks. Shameful xD

Have you ever had your hair highlighted at a salon? No, only fully dyed.

If yes, what color highlights did you get? -

Have you ever had your hair permed? No.

Do you think your hair looks better straight or curly? I used to say straight, but I think it looks better wavy now xD

…and what is it naturally? Wavy, going into curly.

Have you ever had dreadlocks? No.

Have you ever considered getting dreadlocks? No.

What is your favorite version of the Bible to read (if applicable)? None.

Are you wearing socks right now? Yes. It's not that cold, but I suffer from unusually cold feet lol.

Do you have a hair tie around your wrist right now? No.

Do you have family that you wish you could see more? Sometimes.

What was your first job? Data entry.

Are you happy with your life right now? Yes.

Have you ever had to use an epi pen? No.

Have you ever gone to the emergency room having a severe allergic reaction? No.

What was the last emoji you used? The crying laughing emoji lol.

Are you having a good day today? It's fine.

What song are you listening to right now? Five - Cold Sweat <3

[amv1xc]

my first love.

"love" is a strong word, i know. and frankly, i'm fully aware of the fact that he never deserved me or my feelings towards him. but anyway...

i got in in contact with him when i was seventeen years old and he was twenty. we had many things in common. and the first thing, actually a person, was our mutual friend.

i knew about him for a year before we even got in contact. like i said, we had out mutual friend. the year he graduated, my friend and i met up, as we would do. she had attended his graduation and showed me pictures of him when i asked her: "so what have you been up to?"

it was near the end of june and graduations in our country take place anywhere between late may and early june. no question that she would share his graduation with me.

and that was when i saw him for the first time. he was attractive, no question about that. at all.

tall, blonde, slim and he had a man-bun. long hair. always a plus. his facial features were nice as well. he was just- well, quite perfect. i teased her a little bit, saying: "my god, he's attractive as f##k!"

she chuckled before texting him: "my friend thinks you're cute" - before taking a quick picture of me and sending it to him. now she was the one teasing me.

and a year after that, she sat on my couch at my house. once again, we were just hanging out, checking up on each other. i bought us some middle eastern food from a restaurant nearby, since her birthday had just passed and thought it would be a somewhat alright birthday gift. she's one extremely petty eater. luckily for the both of us, she enjoyed the turkish food.

and so, i brought him up in our conversation. "so, how's your insanely attractive friend?" i teased.

she replied: "oh, he's alright. recently single. wanna say hi?"

i thought she was joking. she wasn't. she facetimed him literally three seconds later. i ran and hid myself, but not too far away so that i could still hear their conversation.

i know, childish... but i was a child.

i heard him laugh when she told him that i literally ran away. they chatted for a couple of minutes before hanging up and that's when i made my way back to my couch, sitting next to her. they started texting and i would read their messages.

she sent him a picture of me from a couple of months back. i think it was a selfie from when i was on vacation in egypt. that was during the winter time, a couple of months back as we were in mid to late july.

he'd give me compliments. my heart would skip a beat or two- he was older and did i mention super attractive? she'd text him: "she's a 10/10, huh?"

to which he'd reply: "nah, 11/10" - and so that conversation would keep on going like that.

and then, he texted a phrase in my mother's tongue. he wrote a phrase that, literally translated, said something like: "my heart has tightened for you" - which basically means: "i've missed you"

he texted that when i told her to text him that i'm the same girl who crushed on him last year. she obliged and in response to her text, he teasingly replied: "of course, i'd never forget her" before sending that rather cute phrase.

i got to know that he had many friends with middle eastern backgrounds. so he had probably learnt that phrase from a friend as well as some cute nicknames he'd call me.

anyway, i needed to spend some time with our dear friend. and so i did. he said: "well, tell her to add me on snapchat then" to which i had to reply:

"i will, once i've gotten my eyebrows done"

about three days later i added him and we got in contact.

the first (and long) four months of us texting, basically before it actually became serious, i was so intimated by him. don't know why- well oh, of course i know. he was older!!! and had experience!!! and he was the absolute first guy i ever "talked talked" to!!!

so not intimated in a bad way or anything... but i would definitely retake pictures of myself before i actually sent them to him on snapchat. like, quite a lot.

and then we met up and started to... develop something deeper. well, you know how it goes. but we got serious. basically. and the first few months, about three months, were... well... perfect. you should know me by now, I like to use strong words.

but seriously, i was so happy. i liked him so, so much. and he was so cute and nice and i just... i was on cloud nine.

but the honeymoon-phase would quickly come to an end and then he would, unfortunately more often than not, start to ignore my snaps. some messages here and there. the month of may, when we had been talking for, literally over nine months, was the worst.

i felt like he just... wasn't there. i still liked him, a lot, maybe even too much. yet, i'd feel like he would get more and more distant.

that summer, literally a month after the worst month of my life (or so i thought), was beautiful. and i enjoyed every moment with him. my dad was out of the country, so he'd sleepover at my house. for the first time.

we did some... things... right... but i actually didn't lose my virginity that summer. we just never got to that part. however, we did do some other things and like i said, this was all new to me.

he was nice and never once did i feel uncomfortable in, like, a bad way. of course, there was some discomfort as i didn't know what i was doing. at all. but never the type of discomfort as in: i don't wanna be here. you know?

for whatever it's worth, somewhat i'm "happy" that my first experiences with my sexuality and sex overall wasn't all too bad. i guess.

i lost my virginity to him that september. i was happy. and by that time, you could say i started to love him. now, a year and about two months had passed since we started talking and, well, i loved him.

unfortunately, it all went downhill after that september. and a rough month later, and a couple of days in between that, he decided to- well, let me put this in a nice way- he decided that his colleague was... more interesting, prettier, more loving and I guess, better than me?

of course, i had some suspicions about him and other girls. multiple. but i just... didn't do anything about that. and it got me hurt.

my first heartbreak, that was. it wasn't funny back then, but man, i can laugh about it today. shit, that man really snatched my appetite (and literally will to live) and well, i lost a couple of kilos.

that winter wasn't fun. the sky was dark and so were my days. as disgustingly cliché as that sounds, it's true.

he texted me on christmas, a month after out breakup: "merry christmas. even if you don't celebrate it. i hope you're well ❤️"

i didn't reply.

time passed and february was around the corner and man, i was not excited about my birthday. f##k, i wasn't excited about anything in life.

i posted a picture on my birthday. he liked it. then messaged me on instagram: "happy birthday ❤️" - as if that wasn't enough, a minute in between, he texted me the same message.

i didn't reply.

i unfollowed him back in november, a couple of just days after our breakup when he basically confirmed that he had been cheating on me with his lil' colleague. i remember feeling like i would throw up, pass out and die. i didn't.

i removed him as a follower and then he would request to follow me again. then i deactivated my account. about two months passed before i logged in again on my birthday and decided to be a public account - his request then, automatically, was approved. he followed me.

then i deactivated my account again and logged in about three or four months after. by that time, i was pretty much over him. and i was kind of crushing on somebody else, but now, that's not relevant.

i posted a picture on instagram. it was early june and the picture was from a classmates party i had attended in may, the month before.

and guess who liked it.

oh, he didn't just like it. no. he shared that post to myself, dm'ing me, and texting his infamous phrase in my mother's tongue. you know that one.

i didn't reply.

this was funny. i thought that he was still dating his colleague, the same one he left me for. cheating again huh?

but apparently, they had broken up a short while before he texted me. so. well. that was that.

you know, i had a friend that had a friend who were kind of friends with him. ish. they followed each other on social media. anyway, my friend knew about him and i and for whatever it was worth, she asked her friend to see his profile. this was in march or april, while i was healing from getting my heart broken.

he had added a highlight for her on his instagram profile and claimed her in all types of ways i would wish for him to do for me. i found out about that a month prior, so may. and lord, even though i was about 85% over him... shit hurt.

my friend had taken pictures of his account and then of his highlights with her. she showed me.

a picture he'd posted on valentine's day was one i recognized. i remembered. it was from maybe october or even that stupid month november. he and his colleagues were out on afterwork. the picture he had posted, one that he took with her while i was probably sleeping in my bed dreaming of him, was quite intimate. so to say. and all this behind my back.

but at the same time, maybe this explained why i would literally feel waves- and i mean that literally- of anxiety rush through my body at random times during some days. maybe the universe was trying to tell me something. not that i listened.

but then again, to no one's surprise, he managed to fall out with another girl. obviously i wasn't the first girl he talked to. him being older and all, and well... our mutual friend had told me some stories about his past relationships. they weren't the best, so to say.

i graduated two days after posting that picture on instagram and he replied to one of my few stories that i had published that day.

"well, congratulations i guesssss"

i never got drunk at my graduation party, but i had a drink and shot, one or three, something like that. so with some alcohol in my system, the clock being close to 2 AM, and with all the anger and sadness i had bottled up from the past couple of months i just couldn't do it anymore...

i replied.

"thanks i guesssss"

he liked my message almost immediately. but didn't reply as quick. i wanted to kill myself for giving him the satisfaction of replying to his message. i feel asleep.

i woke up the next morning to a message from him, which he'd sent about an hour later after my message. it was quite long and went something like: "hahaha, sorry for that expression. just wanted to congratulate you and tell you that i'm proud of you. whatever you decide to do in life, you'll be successful in. the (my name) i got to know will get so far in life and do great things. just keep on doing you and being yourself."

he added, "this isn't me trying to get back in contact with you as i suspect that you're not interested in that. just wanted to say that i'm proud and happy for you."

i liked his message and didn't reply.

he was still following me on instagram. and so every story and picture i'd post of myself, he'd like. a month after that, in mid july, he sent me a photo of himself when he stood right outside my house.

during that same month, he posted a picture of us two, one where i was sitting on his lap at a party and had my arm around him, on his snapchat private story. a picture taken by his friend at my friends party. he had covered my face with an emoji, but not enough for our mutual friend to clearly see that it was me.

actually, i had actually posted that exact picture of us on my VSCO account. one that he had asked me to delete before our breakup, because he didn't want people at his work (spoiler alert: he meant his colleague that he was hooking up with)- to see private photos of him.

and so that was how last summer went. he unfollowed me in october, so about four to five months ago.

my first love broke me in all kinds of ways only a loved one could do. maybe i should even title this "my first heartbreak" instead? whatever.

and for the fact that i didn't deserve to be treated the way he would treat me, and so on... and he knows it... it still doesn't change the fact that i loved him.

and sometimes, only sometimes, i think back to when we just started talking. soon to be three whole years ago. it was cute. innocent even.

sometimes i miss how excited about life i was when i started to develop real and deep feelings for him. of course, it was one sided. at least i think so. i'd never hurt somebody that i love the way he hurt me.

for whatever it's worth, i just might still love the person i thought he was three years ago.

i'll never forget the butterflies i had in my stomach, in a good way, in our beginning stages.

then... well... now you know what happened after that.

[fureliselost]

Yo, I've been thinking about Danny's grades. Because, like, most of the DP fandom writes ff with Danny being one bad grade from flunking out 'cause he can't fight ghosts and keep up with the school work.

But, like, is that really accurate tho? (And let me make it clear that I've only watched DP once and that was in Feb, so I could have some information missing here)

Cuz on the very first ep Lancer tells Danny he has basically nothing bad on his record (whereas Tucker had some transgressions).

And I can only remember Danny's grades being mentioned 5 times in the entire show (on One Of A Kind, Teacher Of The Year, What You Want (?), TUE, and, obviously, Mystery Meat — there is Vlad's mentions of Danny's grades and Danny's dream in Frightmare, but I'm not considering those).

On One of a Kind, he gets a D in his biology — which, from the way he said it, it sounded like he never got a grade that low — but he managed to raise his grade.

On Teacher of the Year, he fails his English (?) exam — not because he was occupied with a ghost, but because he was obsessed with playing Doom (let's also remember that, on One of a Kind, Tucker literally says Danny's problem was time management) — but then he was able to retake the test and got a 91%.

On What You Want, he mentions he's a C student.

And, well, everyone knows what happened in TUE: Danny says he isn't prepared for the CAT 'cuz he didn't get to study throughout the year because of ghost fighting (which IG is where the whole fanfic thing comes from).

But, like, was Danny actually not able to study because of ghosts? Because I can't actually think of a time where he was actually stopped from getting his homework done by a ghost fight.

But you know what does come up in my mind when I think of all of that? "Poor time management skills"... Oh, wait, that's already Canon!

Before I get into the time management skills, lemme bring up again Vlad's comments, Danny's A grade on his dream on Frightmare, and Danny's comment on What You Want (as well as what he said in TUE).

Guys, the educational system sucks. In 2004 it was worse. Teachers also suck in that respect (do I need to explain that I don't hate all teachers, only the sucky ones?).

There are teachers who humiliate you in front of the class for having a question they believe you shouldn't have, I'm pretty sure everyone has been in that situation or knows someone who has. Some teachers shame you every time you get a bad grade instead of offering solutions — that affects people, it doesn't even have to be that explicit.

I spent 'till my senior year of highschool thinking I was a terrible student (because teachers told me I was every time I got a bad grade). That only changed when I was calculating my GPA to see which colleges I had a shot at: my GPA was 3.6/4

Now, take Mr Daniel Fenton. Youngest son of a family of geniuses. His older sister got the highest ever CAT grade and writes Theses for funsies. His parents not only where accepted to appear on genius magazine (Jazz may have done the application for Maddie, but she wouldn't lie on it knowing that they would do at least some fact chacking — meaning that she probably picked accomplishments of Maddie's and used only the ones she approved of, meaning that they had accomplishments other than the ghost related ones) but they also built a freaking portal to another dimension.

Not to mention that Tucker is a top notch hacker and doesn't get good grades because he doesn't want to (which doesn't matter because he changes them anyway) and that Sam never shows any concern towards her grades and, being from a rich family, she probably has to get good grades.

Take Danny, who wants to be an astronaut — the literal hardest job to get on the face of the Earth, which also requires a degree in the STEM area (which Danny is admittedly not the best at). Now put him in a place where his grades dropped a little — Maddie, his mother, literally told him he had to get good grades because "Fentons get As" or whatever.

Is it that hard to think that a lot of Danny saying his grades are so terrible and he's not prepared for the tests is because that's just how low he thinks of himself academically?

Lemme get back to the time management skills.

So I've already established that the educational system sucks and it wasn't any better in 2004.

It was even worse at recognizing and dealing with neurodivergent kids.

And I'm pretty sure that, like, 70% of the fandom sees Danny as Neurodivergent-coded — autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc.

The thing with being neurodivergent is that sometimes ND people suck at some executive functions/have executive dysfunctions.

Do you know what is an executive function? Time management skills.

When it comes to studying, I personally have a lot of trouble with distractions and getting myself to start the assignment. That problem is usually solved if I have someone to do it with me — and by that I mean that the person usually just sits nearby and sometimes helps me with processing an information, which tends to consist in just me talking.

Which is basically what Lancer did with Danny in Teacher of the Year. Which,,, Lancer, my beloved, yes! When he found the problem, he tried to find a solution and his frickin solution worked!

Anyway, this is all I wanted to say: the educational system sucks, Danny has a warped view of himself, Danny is neurodivergent, and Lancer should've been portrayed as an awesome teacher since the start because he was awesome.

[universitypenguin]

A Near Death Experience in Chemistry Lab…

A dramatic retelling by University Penguin

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Why has my blog not been very active for the past month?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I’ve had a crazy schedule. That’s basically the whole answer. Grad school picked up, there were problems at work and I ended up roped into putting in extra time to help fix things. Then, to pile on top of that, I got stuck covering a lab for another grad student who was sick. It was supposed to be just a one time thing.

And let me tell you… never teach chemistry lab to a bunch of 19-20 year olds. It is not safe!

Ugh.

Some back story. I have Fridays off and the lab period in question is on a Friday morning. When the other graduate student got sick, I was a logical substitute. Not knowing what I was getting myself into, I agreed.

…. I am an idiot! (More on that later.)

Scene: my college’s chemistry building; Lab Room 108

The students are coming in. I’ve read through the lab hand out twice, diluted the right concentration of reactants from the stock chemicals, etc. I’m feeling prepared and confident. I start the lecture on safety, because that’s what you do first - when their attention span is fresh.

Of immediate notice, a guy in the front has a remarkably blank look on his face. Next to him is his lab partner, who’s mouth appears stuck to be stuck in a permanent smirk. They’re barely paying attention. Already, I know who my problem students are going to be. Since I’m a substitute, I don’t bother learning names. They’re going to be referred to as Thing 1 and Thing 2 from here on.

I quickly realize Thing 1 and Thing 2 have made it to mid-semester because they didn’t bother to drop the class before the cut off. They’re not familiar with the reaction mechanism and can’t even tell me what the function of a Lewis Acid is. Now I’m not wondering how they made it to mid-semester; I’m wondering how they made it through the prerequisites to be in this class at all.

Everyone takes the safety quiz. In order to do the experiment you have to pass this in class quiz first.

Thing 1 has to re-take it three times before he passes. Thing 2 only has to retake it once.

The rest of the class is already well into their experiment when I get these two started. Knowing they’re not serious about the work, I stick close and keep an eye on their progress.

Thing 1 collects the right glassware for our reaction from the cabinet. My low expectations have been exceeded - some optimism returns to my spirit. He even sets up the correct heating apparatus. Maybe there’s hope? Thing 2 finds the right chemicals, measures them out, and only spills a small beaker of acid in the process. Fortunately, it was under the safety hood. No big deal.

Still. I’m twitchy about them doing the next steps and go over to watch. They’re goofing off and Thing 1 is watching an Instagram video.

Am I going to be a Karen and call him out on it?

This is an option. However, I’m not getting paid for this and he’s an adult. Too much trouble. Instead of dressing him down, I turn my attention to Thing 2.

“You have to pour in chemicals A and then add chemical B. You swirl the flask to mix them and wait until they’re cool to add chemical C. Okay? You mix the first two. Then you wait for the glassware to be cool enough to touch. When it’s cooled off you can add the last reactant.”

Thing 2 gives a nod of understanding. It is not a convincing nod. I have him repeat the steps out loud before stepping back to observe.

Thing 1 has been scrolling Instagram this entire time. I’m well aware he’s not processed a single word I said. While I’m not being paid to substitute for this lab - lowly graduate student status for the win - I’m not so lazy I won’t at least talk to the guy.

“You should see this next step, it’s very cool.”

“Mmhh.”

I realize from the lingering smell he might be high and wonder if there’s a rule against smoking weed before chem lab. Probably not. In undergrad, my physical chemistry professor was high for every lecture he gave. He told us about his favorite THC tinctures and said (in a full classroom) that he went into chemistry because he was into drugs. Both making them and taking them. Anyways, back to the main plot. Thing 1 is high. Fine. Whatever.

Thing 2 pours the first chemicals together.

Reactant A and Reactant B mix without issue. He reaches for Reactant C far too quickly.

“Wait for it to cool down,” I remind him.

He picks up Reactant C.

Before I can speak, it’s poured into the flask.

😳

*moment of denial* 😐

*internal screaming* 😱 🫣

*panic* 🙊🙈🙉

*crisis mode* 😑

This is not good.

It’s very, very, bad.

When combined at a certain temperature, reactants A, B, and C make liquid TNT.

Of course, the color change that’s supposed to occur in our lab doesn’t happen. I see Thing 2 is check his lab print out, confused. He picks up the flask, staring at it for a moment and… swirls the liquid.

😬

“I’ll take that!!”

He’s startled when I snatch the flask away, using both hands. When I move to block him out from trying to take it back, as if the flask is a football and he’s the left tackle for the opposing team. He holds up his hands in surrender. The look on his face says ‘lady, what’s your problem?’

At this point I become aware that:

I’m holding a chemical bomb.

The flask is still hot, so I can tell that the reaction is continuing. 🫤 GREAT NEWS!!

There are fifteen students in the room.

If this goes off, it will level the lab room we’re all standing in. Maybe even the entire building.

Should the TNT detonate, the stock room next door will also explode. The contents in it would keep a hazmat team busy for a month.

“Alright, everyone needs to leave the lab!”

Complaints from the other students erupt. They’re in the last step, but I could care less.

“You’re dismissed. The assignment will be altered, we’ll figure it out. Leave the lab - right now.”

“Like, just us? Or everyone?” Thing 1 asks.

“Everyone get out! I’m canceling lab.”

“Shouldn’t we clean up first?”

“No, you don’t have to clean up, I’ll take care of it. Get out.”

Remarkably, I don’t sound too panicked. Bitchy, for sure. The students left.

Okay, the students are safe. But now I’m holding a liquid chemical bomb in an empty college lab. To make a bad situation worse, it’s Friday. Morning lab sections on Friday aren’t most students first choice when they’re picking classes. Hence, the only lab being conducted in the building was ours. Given the bomb in my hands, knowing I’m alone helps settle my nerves. Feeling a bit calmer is great, because for my next trick, I have to dispose of this stuff without help.

Guess what I spent the rest of the morning and afternoon doing?

Yes. Disposing of liquid TNT.

In conclusion, I offer this advice: never substitute for a sick graduate student TA. It’s not worth it. You might end up disposing of a bomb created by a 19 year old sophomore with a Zac Efron haircut and braces.

I wish I could be writing more and I want you all to know that I haven’t forgotten about the requests I promised. They’re in progress. Very slow progress.

The thing is, I’m covering this lab until the end of semester. The other grad student who has been their TA is actually sick. I found this out after I told the lab coordinator what had gone down with the chemical bomb and unintentional TNT synthesis. She was impressed by how I’d handled it and proceeded to recommend to the department that I get paid to cover the rest of the semester. Thing 1 and Thing 2 have been removed from the class, so I said yes.

I am an idiot. But at least I’m an idiot who’s getting paid for being so stupid.

[ackerfics]

hange and their best friend (reader) "platonically" flirt with one another, they use pet names for each other, making others think they're together unintentionally. until reader finds an s/o, not knowing hange actually likes them

she — hange zoe

— hange zoe x female reader (modern au)

— warnings: angst ??? the stinging feeling you get when you see someone you love, love someone else

— summary: hange's best friend found love in the form of autumn while hange associates her with all of the seasons.

— word count: 2.5k

— notes: i love hange but i hate myself for writing something that hurts them :<<< they're my first love in aot and it pains me to imagine them hurting in any sort of way (which is probably the reason why i bawled my heart out in chap 132). this little fic hit too close at home for me bc it's exactly what i felt one time during high school. it's fucking traumatizing and istg, i don't want to relive falling in love with a friend again, it's like the most satisfying way to hurt, too. happy reading tho :<<<

reblogs are greatly appreciated!!

She embodies everything positive in Hange’s eyes.

She is spring — the bursting of blossoms under the tendrils of sunlight seeping between the spaces of the trees in the woods. Every time Hange closes their eyes, they are reminded of how she signifies every single flower they ever know. She makes them feel everything at once — see every color at once in a single frame. There is no space for artistic abilities in Hange’s calloused, mismatched hands but when it comes to her, they can create a myriad of paintings encapsulating her beauty at every stroke of a brush. Her laughs, her flowery perfume that doesn’t hurt their nose, her smiles that are as radiant as the early morning Sun — are ingrained in their brain. She brings forth the butterflies that Hange carefully imprisoned in their ribs, the monarchs’ wings already seeping through the cracks at every joke she makes, reaching to their heart until every beat swayed to the sound of her giggles.

“Hange, the love of my life, there you are!”

Hange turned around with a huge smile on their lips. Their conversation with Levi came to an abrupt stop, with the shorter man mumbling along the lines of ‘here we go again’. The small smile on his face spoke otherwise while watching two of his closest friends hug each other as if they didn’t live together in an apartment right outside of campus. It was such a mystery that Hange could be so comfortable around someone to the point of playfully kissing their neck in public, followed by their best friend’s melodious laughs soon after. However, Levi couldn’t be fooled. He knew the glint in the brown-haired person’s eyes. The downturn of their eyebrows when their best friend wasn’t looking. The longing was apparent when she was talking to someone across the room.

The idiot going by the name Hange Zoe was irrevocably in love with their best friend, [Name] [Last Name].

“What is it, baby?” Hange asked vibrantly, glasses reflecting the equally excited girl in their arms. “Didn’t know your class dismissed this early. What happened?”

“Nothing. Our professor announced that we should visit a museum for our finals.” She then mimicked the haughty tone of her Art History professor, straightening her back to make herself appear taller. “Choose a painting or a sculpture and trace down its history and attach your critique in the final output. If I see anyone half-assing this paper, I will not hesitate to give a failing grade that will make you retake this class. I know you lot don’t want to see me again for another semester and I don’t want to see you again, too. So, prove to me you’re worth your standing in this course.” She cleared her throat. “What he said.”

Hange whistled. “Dang, I’m happy that I didn’t follow you to the Arts Department. Your professor sounds like a complete asshole.” They chortled the next second. “Sounds like my mom, to be honest.”

“At least your mom makes a bomb bento box.”

“Yeah, I guess, you’re right.” Hange then nuzzled their face in her hair. “But your bento boxes taste much more delicious — I could eat them all day. Can I be your partner so that you’ll cook for me every day?”

“I’ve already taken the position of your wife the moment I agreed to be your roommate in university, sweetheart. And I cook for you every single day so you don’t have to ask to be my partner because you already are.”

Hange looked smug at her reply, the heat in their cheeks traveling to their ears. “That was a rhetorical question but hearing those words come out of your mouth, it’s making me feel things.”

“Oh? What are those things?”

The brown-haired person snickered under their breath, glancing at Levi who was now looking at the two of them in that lazy way of his that might come off as him being annoyed again. In reality, he was only waiting for the two to finally stop flirting to recognize he was there. His daily job of being a third-wheel should’ve started fifteen minutes ago but Hange wouldn’t let [Name] go. Hange turned back to the expectant girl. “I don’t want Levi to hear what I’m about to say. Just expect something back at the apartment,” they joked, a cheeky smile tugging at their lips.

[Name] laughed heartily. “I’m looking forward to that, gorgeous.”

“I’m still here, you know?” Levi dryly made himself known. He huffed and turned around in the direction of the university restaurant. “Come on, lovebirds, let’s have lunch. Oh, and [Name]?” When he heard her little hum of acknowledgment, Levi slightly turned around to meet his friend’s eyes with his jaded ones. “It’s your turn to buy me a drink. Make it a venti today.” She only blinked at him, giving him no choice but to resort to that dumb thing she always asked. “Please can I have a venti this time? I got you and Hange a venti last time so this makes us even.”

“Ooh, make mine a venti, too, baby!” Hange squeezed their best friend’s waist.

“Anything for my sweetheart.”

“Again, I’m right here, you know.”

Just the thought of that little scenario hurts Hange.

But as much as the pain comes in the package, she is still summer in their eyes.

The Sun can’t compare to the brilliance of her smile. Kind smiles and gentle touches under the warm rays of the summer heat. Her scent is yellow to Hange — so bright and warm that they don’t care how long they bask in her presence, never caring if they get burned because it feels so right to be within her orbit. She urges them to feel so loved and so special, tender caresses of her warmth cascading down every vein until it reaches their heart. The cerulean waters of the sea hold nothing against the beauty of her grins, brown eyes searching for her every time of the day no matter how ethereal the world painted itself to be. Viewing the sights with rose-colored glasses is what they may call it but for Hange, it’s simply her. Someone once said that summer brings forth a paradise where blue covers everything in its wake, the cry of the seagulls reverberating in the distance, and the scent of ice cream flickers in the breeze. For Hange, summer is in the form of pretty close-lipped smiles, of late-night movie marathons on a worn-out couch, of bento boxes filled with their favorites, of a scent so saccharine, and a loyal friend.

A friend.

Of course. No matter where Hange goes, that word haunts them. Hidden beneath their smiles, their jokes, their longing, and admiring stares. It’s a reminder of where they stand in this limbo they created. At one point, they thought that line had been crossed only for it to be established again in permanent ink. And before they know it, Hange is tumbling down in a spiral, along with a change of seasons.

Fall is where everything started.

The orange glow of the leaves created the perfect view as she sipped on her tall cup of warm coffee. The blissful sigh that came soon after warmed up Hange, even though they were seated in front of each other in the outside tables of the small cozy café where Levi was working at. The chill brought by the autumn wind caused both of them to shiver in their layered clothing. The way she nuzzled more into her scarf made Hange coo, reaching out to pinch her cheek affectionately. Autumn was both their favorite season, how it made them resort to the comfort and warmth their sweaters bring, or how they cuddle in each other’s beds with the air conditioner blasting despite the cold. It was also a season where Hange could admire her in their hoodie, a piece of clothing that swallows her whole because she’s so small compared to their lanky figure.

Hange remembered being called out here because she wanted to talk about something. Now that they thought about it, her cheeks appear to be glowing more than usual and she kept glancing inside the café where Levi was busy telling his coworker how to make the new drink. Hange even went as far as following her gaze but they didn’t find anything out of the ordinary other than Levi sighing in that stressful way of his that always made them snicker. They turned back to their Sun, who was once again in a daze while staring at the clear windows of the café. “So,” they prolonged the syllable, “how’s life going, darling? I know we’re living in the same apartment but I just can’t help but ask you this because it seems like you’re always in a daze these days.”

A pause made the breeze’s call known.

“Hey, Hange, have you ever been in love?”

That spread the chill even more inside Hange’s chest. She called them by their name. Not sweetheart nor big spoon. The reality washed over Hange like a pail of freezing water.

“W-What?” Damn, they couldn’t keep the stutter off their words.

She turned her head to them, eyes so soft and smile so beautiful that made Hange breathless for one second. The butterflies dwindled, losing their iridescent wings when they realized that look wasn’t reserved for them anymore. “I thought about it,” she murmured, rubbing her numbing fingertips on the warm cup. “I have never fallen in love with anyone before. Sure, I love you and all our friends but I’ve never stopped and thought about how someone can look like starlight in front of me. But recently,” again, that pretty smile that pierced Hange’s chest, “I never knew that it could hit me that unexpectedly.”

Hange grinned despite the pounding of her chest. “So, who’s the lucky person?”

She chuckled, going back to staring at the interior of the café. “I told Levi to lay off on scolding her but he never listens, says she’ll never grow a backbone if he’s being considerate on her.”

Now, they’re confused because the only people manning the counter as she spoke was Levi (and she would never fall in love with Levi, seeing as they grew up together like siblings rather than the childhood friends that they are) and a strawberry blonde who looked like Levi’s become their worst nightmare. It took Hange a full minute to process that the person she’s been staring at was never their mutual friend, but the strawberry blonde who looked up towards their direction and waved with a pretty blush on their cheeks. She waved back with the same shyness, leaving Hange dumbfounded. “Wait, the person you’re in love with is—”

“Yeah, it’s her.”

Suddenly, Hange understands why she’s starting to like autumn.

It reminds her of the girl’s hair, which she gushes about smelling like coconut. It reminds her of the girl’s preferred perfume, how it smells so much like cinnamon, something that she sometimes puts in her autumn drinks because in her words, ‘it’s the perfect season rather than winter’. It reminds her of the girl’s hugs, the way both of them fit with each other like lost puzzle pieces.

But as the seasons change, feelings of long-term pining will always be constant.

“Are you okay, though?” Erwin asked them, blue eyes reflecting their pathetic faux smile. He pushed the plate of pasta to them since Erwin had an idea that Hange wasn’t eating that much now. It also worried [Name].

“Yeah, four-eyes, I know you’re not doing that great and I’m saying this in the friendliest way possible because we’re worried now,” Levi reminded them, sipping on his tea with slightly narrowed eyes. “You always decline whenever we want to bring you to somewhere, to the point of leaving Nanaba on voicemail. You always answer at the first ring. Look here, shitty four-eyes,” the way Levi enunciated the nickname made Hange slowly turn their head to him, face void of the smile they were known for, “shouldn’t you be happy for her? [Name] gained the courage to confess and you’re here moping when you should’ve been supportive—”

“And what of my feelings, Levi?”

That made Levi blink and feel like an asshole.

Then, the dam broke.

“I’ve been with her all this time, you’ve seen that. You witnessed how this shy girl opened up to an extroverted idiot and became one of her best friends during high school. It feels like I can’t fucking breathe because I always thought we were meant to be. When she was lonely, I was there to comfort her. When she got a bad grade on an exam, I was the one who knows what flavors of ice cream she wants or how she eats them together like a fucking milkshake. Every day, I never expected her to look my way like she looks at her girlfriend right now. It fucking hurts. It feels so empty to know that I’m not the one she fell in love with. What did I lack? Should I be sweeter and gentler like that girl? Or dainty whenever I eat like she is? Be girly and dress up like a doll? Fuck, I can’t even bring myself to hate her girlfriend. She’s so nice and kind and sweet, anything I’m not.” Hange buried their hands in their hair, making it messier than it was.

“I just want [Name] to love me and make things wonderful. Why isn’t Fate on my side this time?

“Why didn’t she choose me?”

Tears were now drifting down like snowflakes.

“Hange,” Erwin murmured.

“Look, sunshine, it’s snowing!”

A voice catches their attention. A strawberry blonde cheers the words with glee painted in her eyes. Beside her is the subject of the trio’s conversation, the subject of a brown-haired person’s affections. Her eyes are taking in the beauty that is her girlfriend. She looks so pretty in love — how her eyes crinkled at the corners and how snow clung on her eyelashes as if she is a fairy straight from a fairy tale Hange loves when she was a kid. Her girlfriend takes her hand and pulls her to the restaurant where the trio is watching from the windows. Gray and blue irises slide over a somber bespectacled person, gauging their reaction though their face never gives anything away.

“I’m right behind you, Petra. I just took the time to admire you because you’re so pretty under the snow.”

“Stop it! You’re prettier!”

“Did you know that seeing the first snow of the year together with the person you love, your relationship will rival that of eternity?”

“Then, I’m happy I get to see this first snow with you, sunshine.”

“Me, too, angel.”

Hange smiles under a steady stream of tears. “I’m happy for her. I’m happy she found happiness even if it’s not with me.”

The chill blows inside the warm walls of the restaurant the moment the door opens, [Name]’s joyous greetings for her best friends bringing smiles to two of them. Her eyes drift to brown ones before turning to Petra to ask for a pack of tissues since Hange’s tears are still visible. Hange watches the commotion with a small smile, the chill spreading through them like a snowstorm.

Winter is here.

general taglist:

@angelofthorr

[cosmicpines]

code july day 1 - future

au where jeremie's anti-xana program didn't work, taking place half a year after.

“Do’ya think we should start future-proofing our whole situation?” Odd was the first one to speak out loud in at least a half an hour, his voice echoing around the computer lab.

It was late. Not just “it’s a school night, we should turn off the Playstation” late, but “sunrise is in an hour” late. Ulrich, Jeremie, and Aelita were crowded on the couch – a fairly new addition to the lab that William and Odd had dragged over a mile to the factory after finding it on the street, a several-hour long affair that left them both sore for a week – blearily staring at chunky school-loaned laptop screens with piles of overdue library books on the floor in front of them. Odd and William were across the room, hunched over an oversized posterboard, surrounded by an accoutrement of Odd’s art supplies and printed out sheets of paper. What was keeping them up was potentially world-ending, but not in the usual way; instead of an evil AI, it was a history project due at 10 AM.

It wasn’t entirely their fault they didn’t start earlier – saving the world was a full-time job, afterall – but it’s not like they could give an excuse to Mr. Fumet that he would have believed. As the clock ticked over to 4, the prospect of having to pull the trigger on a return trip to finish loomed over them. They had already done it once, blearily uploading PowerPoint slides to the supercomputer to save them, giving Yumi an apologetic phone call in the morning. She was used to the disorienting resets at this point, having done them for half a year after graduating and moving across the country, but they usually texted ahead of time to warn her. She was sympathetic over the phone – she always was – but she was definitely irritated about having to retake an exam. They didn’t want to put her through that again and, besides, they couldn’t exactly keep the poster board from getting erased to time.

“Future-proofing the fact half of us might fail history?” Ulrich grumbled in response from across the room, leaning against the armrest of the couch. His eyes were glazed over in a stupor as he clicked idly around on the screen.

“Ulrich, are you done with your slides yet?” Aelita spat at him, now that the silent spell was broken, “I want to start stitching them together.”

“Uh… no.” Ulrich glanced at her, subtly turning his screen away from her piercing gaze, “Gimme ten more minutes? I’m almost there.”

Aelita clicked her tongue, probably remembering the last promise of the slides “in ten minutes.” She turned to her left and nudged Jeremie, “How about you – oh my god, Jeremie, can you focus?”

“Huh?” He looked up, and guiltly alt-tabbed back to a blank PowerPoint slide. “Sorry, I was just… I had a breakthrough about the bug in the Skid and I was…” He trailed off under her glare, “Sorry.”

Aelita clutched the side of her head, groaning. “Is it too late to go back to living on Lyoko where I don’t have to care about World War I and don’t need sleep?”

“Me too, thanks.” William muttered at Odd’s side, aggressively erasing a sentence on the poster, “Being XANA’s slave was less painful than this.”

He let out a bitter laugh, then raised his head, half smirk fading at the frozen-in-terror looks on his friend’s faces, “Sorry. Too soon?”

Odd, as he so often did, interrupted the awkward silence before people could make it worse, “Future-proofing us, is what I meant. Thanks for asking!” Nobody humored him as the typing across the room started back up and William started writing again, “Look, I’m just saying; we’re not getting any younger.” He brandished a red marker, filling in bubble letters on the top of the poster, “Yumi graduated. We’ve only got a semester left at Kadic –,”

“Could just all repeat a year like I did.” William grimaced. “And might again.”

Ulrich snorted, “Odd and I are probably on track for that.”

“Cheers,” William said, raising his pencil like a glass, without looking up, “Join the failure club.”

“BUT,” Odd interrupted, “Assuming we don’t! Because this presentation is going to be incredible,” That one earned a snort from everyone in the room (which was fair), “We’ll need someone who can do our jobs if we have to leave the good fight. Lyoko Warriors, the Next Generation! Kadic’s Next Top Lyoko Warriors!” He chuckled at himself, standing up, “We should put an ad in the paper: ‘Want a challenging, world-altering job? Come down to the abandoned factory!’” He hummed to himself, tapping his chin, “Our criteria would have to be strict. Can you imagine getting someone like, I dunno, Johnny? So, Johnny. Please, tell me: what’s your greatest fear? Giant crabs, you say? Why yes, that’s both oddly specific and also a dealbreaker. Next!”

Odd looked up, laughing, waiting for his friends to join in – Ulrich telling him he was being dumb, Aelita offering some other students and joking with him about their interviews, William making a snide remark about how he didn’t get an interview, a silent, but appreciative smirk from Jeremie – but got nothing. Jeremie’s head was buried in his laptop, and Aelita was – Aelita was glaring at him?

“What?” He asked her, but she said nothing, just raised an eyebrow in a you know what’s wrong look. Odd clearly didn’t, and turned to Ulrich for a clue, but Ulrich wasn’t giving him anything; he was just back to sulking, staring at his laptop. Odd ran through what he said again in his head, trying to find the offending phrase, when William punched him in the leg. “Hey –,” Odd started, ready to give a snappy retort, before seeing William was urgently tapping at the poster, where he’d just written something. Odd crouched down to read it.

you’re upsetting jeremie.

Odd glanced back at Einstein across the room, whose face was impassive, just typing away. Looking closer, though, he could see Jeremie had all the appearances of someone trying valiantly to pretend they weren’t upset – hunched shoulders, scrunched up face, not a single glance away from the screen. Aelita had stopped glaring to put a hand on Jeremie’s shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

Ugh. Odd sighed, wondering if he would have to apologize for just trying to lighten the mood. How was anything he said upsetting to Jeremie? He reached over for a pencil to respond to William, scribbling down on the poster.

Can’t he take a joke?

idk. Guess he thinks you’re blaming him.

Blaming him?? For what???? bro when did I even say anything like that??

you didn’t. don’t bro me bro. not my fault

Odd underlined his first bro, giving William a smile. William rolled his eyes before rubbing out their conversation with an eraser. Odd turned back to his coloring job and took a breath, surprised to see it come in shaky. It’s not your fault he’s upset, he thought to himself, pulling the cap off his marker. It’s fine. He leaned over to finish his coloring before noticing his hands were shaking. He clenched them, angrily. It wasn’t his fault Jeremie was upset. He was fine. Not his fault if Jeremie wanted to over-react. He’ll get over it and… where were the scissors?

He dug around their supplies for them, then, picking up a pile of pictures of historic figures, streaked from the bad library printer, took a pair of trembling scissors to extracting them. They were nearly done. One more section and they’d be done. One more and they could go to bed and Jeremie would get over whatever he was upset about and it was fine and it would all go away and it was fine it wasn’t his fault and –

“I’m working as hard as I can,” Odd felt a bit in his stomach open up as Jeremie spoke in a quiet, bitter voice. Odd stared pointedly down at the poster, blinking rapidly to try and assuage the pressure building behind his eyes, “I know we screwed up by not finishing before Yumi graduated, okay? I’m just… It’s a lot to figure out and I’m trying?! Is that not enough for – No. No, I know it’s not enough – I know I’m keeping us from having a normal life and it’s my fault William had to repeat a year and… and I –,” Jeremie’s breath caught, and Odd finally dared to turn his eyes to him, seeing his friend aggressively rubbing his eyes under his glasses, “I – I don’t mean to – look! It’s hard, alright?! It’s hard and I – I’m just so tired all the time and I’m sorry that we’re still awake for this too and that I –,” His voice finally broke as he started crying in earnest, his fist coming down on the side of the couch. Odd wanted to turn back to his work and brush it off, but the guilt clenching his stomach wasn’t letting go.

Hesitantly, Aelita put her hand on his shoulder again, “Jeremie…” but he shook it off again, turning away from her. She persisted. “It’s not your fault. We know you’re working –,”

“And it’s not enough! I’ve been working at this for years and I just I can’t come up with anything to defeat XANA –,”

“You had a lot of other things you needed to do first.”

He didn’t mean to, Odd was sure, but Ulrich’s eyes flickered to William for just a moment, and William’s eyes narrowed.

“Oh, are we doing this now?” William grumbled, dropping his pencil. “Jeremie, you’re fine. Look, I’m sorry. Again. You don’t think I don’t regret every moment that I didn’t listen like a fucking idiot –” Jeremie, despite being wracked with tears, winced at the swear, earning a brief hint of a smile from Odd, “ – and got myself captured? Who then was a thorn in your asses for months? No. I get it. You’d probably be rid of XANA already if it wasn’t for me; you’ve made that crystal clear.”

“That’s not what I –,” Aelita glared at him, “You of all people should understand that I would never blame you for being trapped on Lyoko.”

“It’s not you that is. It’s him.” He jerked his thumb at Ulrich, who glared back at him.

“I’m not,” Ulrich muttered, “Cut it out.”

“Oh yeah? What did that look mean then, huh?”

“I didn’t –,”

“You blame me, and we all know it. You’re just butt-hurt over Yumi still, even though you had plenty of chances –,”

“Okay, that’s it.” Ulrich sat up straighter, “Maybe you’re still using Yumi as a scapegoat in all our arguments, but I’m done with that. Maybe I was an ass to you before because of her, but I don’t blame you for XANA, William. I never have. I was over it before you even joined,” He scowled at the ground, Jeremie’s crying filling the brief silence. “It was probably my fault you got captured in the first place. I wasn’t there because I had to talk to my stupid Dad and it was my job to tell Odd and I didn’t make sure – hell, even before that! Who was it that couldn’t protect Aelita back when XANA escaped from the supercomputer in the first place? If she hadn’t been alone, the Scyphozoa wouldn’t have gotten her, and XANA wouldn’t have escaped, and we would have been done.”

“Come on,” Aelita crossed her arms, turning away from Jeremie to the boy on her other side, “You’re being ridiculous. Half of that isn’t your fault.”

Odd wanted to chime in that it was Sam’s fault she didn’t listen to Ulrich, but his voice was still missing in action, his throat tight and unresponsive.

“I should have been able to protect myself,” Aelita continued, “It wasn’t your responsibility –,”

Jeremie laughed suddenly, hurt and bitter, “Protect yourself how? You couldn’t protect yourself because I was dragging my feet on giving you a proper weapon –,”

“We’ve talked about this!” She said, “We agreed it was more worth your time to work on an antivirus!”

“For a virus that didn’t exist! If I had just double checked –,”

“Double checked what? The faulty data you were being fed? There was nothing you could have done! If you want to blame anyone, blame me. Maybe it – maybe helping me made sense at first, when things were able to be stopped at a moment’s notice. But then even when you got me to Earth it wasn’t over, and things got worse, things got more dangerous – when we realized XANA could escape? That we couldn’t just turn it off with a switch? That – that should have been it.” Her voice dropped as she took a shaky breath, “You should have just let me turn the supercomputer off.”

“You were ALWAYS worth the risk, Aelita!” Odd finally snapped, terror shooting through his heart at the broken look on her face, the implications of her words, “You… you matter to us more than anything! Look, I’m sorry for bringing this all up, alright? I thought we could just joke around about running Lyoko Warrior interviews! I didn’t mean to get everyone upset. And speaking of! Jeez! All of you are such downers on yourselves! There’s like, a billion different things that could have happened!” He held out a hand, ticking them off, “Maybe William might not have gotten captured and instead XANA got Yumi or anyone else! Maybe, I dunno, Ulrich saved Aelita temporarily but then XANA tossed him in the digital sea! Maybe Jeremie could have noticed that Aelita didn’t have a virus sooner, and XANA just made a move sooner! Maybe – maybe – maybe if you had just let Kiwi be virtualized normally and not fuse with me he would have been a great Lyoko Warrior and would have bit the Scyphozoa and killed XANA! We don’t know, alright? I’m just trying to say that – ugh, forget it! Sorry! Jeez!”

Odd rubbed at his eyes, surrendering to the frustrated and exhausted stream of tears that leaked out of them. All of them, all of this – he kept trying to play superhero, to pretend that everything was going to be alright like in the movies, but in his heart he had to admit that this was starting to feel futile. Aelita’s virus, XANA’s escape from the supercomputer, William’s capture, Jeremie’s first botched attempt at his anti-XANA program, Franz Hopper’s sacrifice, Yumi’s graduation, their failure to stop space station from falling, Jeremie’s second anti-XANA program getting stolen by the AI, and now the looming threat of their own graduation… he wanted to be joking about needing to interview new Lyoko Warriors, really, but if graduation took them away from the factory… away from each other…

A hand landed on his shoulder, he realized he didn’t need to know who it was to press his own on top of it, to squeeze it and feel loved, as more hands, more friends, found their way to his other shoulder, to his back.

“I’m sorry, Jeremie,” he said, “And everyone else. I didn’t mean to –,”

“Don’t,” came a muttered reply from Jeremie, “We’re all acting tired and stupid. I shouldn’t have yelled. I knew you didn’t mean it.”

Odd let out an exhausted laugh, rubbing his eyes of the last of the tears, looking up and seeing his friends around him, “How late is it?”

“Too late,” Ulrich replied, pulling his phone out of his pocket, “We’ve got… three hours until classes start.”

A collective groan broke the spell over the room. Odd looked under his feet to the almost-finished-poster. Silently, all of them returned to their working positions. Odd kneeled down to finish gluing down the last of the faces to the poster. As the lull of busy work started taking over his mind, William nudged him.

“Sorry, I, uh…” William looked uncharacteristically bewildered, “This must have happened while I was – did you say Kiwi fused with you?”

[feralphoenix]

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS: The Mechanics of the Infection

welcome back to feral’s essay tag where the hot takes don’t stop from keep being hot!

this particular meta has a Lot of citations from canon, and my plan is to have them as actual footnotes in the dreamwidth mirror when that goes up (as i always crosspost my meta there in case my layout text is too small for any folks accessing these from computer and not mobile).

CONTENT WARNING FOR TONIGHT’S PROGRAM: This essay contains discussion of body horror, cancer, and many of the darker aspects of Hallownest’s society.

ALSO, AS USUAL: I read Hollow Knight as anti-colonialist fiction and all of my meta approaches the text from that angle. This essay is strongly critical of the Pale King and Hallownest, and affords sympathy to pre-Hallownest societies & native characters, including Radiance. If you come from a Christian cultural background (regardless of whether you currently practice the religion or not), some of the concepts I am going to discuss may be challenging for you. Please be responsible in your choice whether to engage with this content, and also, be respectful here or wherever else you’re discussing this essay. Thanks.

SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF THIS: The Mechanics of the Infection

If you’ve ever looked through my Hollow Knight tags, you have probably seen me joke about the Infection like a lot, usually along the lines of Radiance casting Level 9 Inflict Tang on Hallownest, or “(radi voice) the End of EVA will continue until you Let My People Go” or some such. In addition to being some of the most beautiful body horror I’ve yet seen in fiction, its appearance also makes it a veritable meme factory.

It is also something that inspires a lot of very wild theorizing amongst fans, because canon tells us WHY the Infection exists but doesn’t ever directly explain WHAT it is. To name just a few of the guesses I’ve seen, people have posited that it could be some sort of pupa juice, or maybe some type of parasitic fungus.

I have my own guess, though, and it’s based on hints we can find in-game. I would like to share it with the class today, so let’s take a quick look through the sauce, starting with what we already know!

WHY

We learn why the Infection happened from Seer and Moss Prophet, and this is also summed up more directly in Team Cherry’s dev notes attached to Seer.

The Pale King wanted to be the only god of light in the crater,* so he tried to kill Radiance by thralling her children - attracting the moths with his light and making them forget about her,** assimilating them into Hallownest. Radiance survived because some moths still remembered and tried to preserve what they could of their original culture,*** and eventually she attempted to reassert her existence and communicate with the bugs of the crater by speaking to them through their dreams. However, the Pale King realized what was happening and ordered his worshippers to shut her out.****

Radiance did not give up, and continued to broadcast her message through dreams. This unstoppable force VS immovable object conflict could not last forever - something eventually had to give, and what gave was the mortals.***** The Infection was an accident that Radiance did not initially intend, but presumably chose to weaponize after the fact as a way to attempt to pressure TPK into releasing the moths and leaving her alone (or, barring that, a way to thoroughly destroy his kingdom at the very least).

SOURCES:

* “No blazing kin. Only one light shall shine against the dark.” - Lore tablet hidden beside the Pale King’s throne in the White Palace.

** “None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters.” - Seer’s 1200 Essence dialogue.

*** “But the memories of that ancient light still lingered, hush whispers of faith... Until all of Hallownest began to dream of that forgotten light.” - Seer’s 2400 Essence dialogue.

**** “The King and the bugs of hallownest resisted this memory/power and it started to manifest as the infection.” - from Team Cherry’s dev notes attached to Seer.

***** “Light is life, beaming, pure, brilliant. To stifle that light is to suppress nature. Nature suppressed distorts, plagues us.” - Moss Prophet's dialogue.

HOW

Now that we’ve recapped why the Infection exists, let’s examine the process of how the Infection works. We see some examples of this with various characters in-game, and the Hunter also shares his observations of the Infection’s mechanics in his commentary on the Infected Crossroads entries.

Since we’ll be bringing up the Hunter's Journal here, I want to first examine three entries to establish its dual authorship and how trustworthy it is: The Shade’s entry, the Lightseed’s, and Radiance’s.

We know that the bottom section of the Hunter’s Journal is the Hunter’s personal notes on each creature because the game itself tells us so. So who writes the notes on top that give a brief explanation of what each creature is? It’s a common fan theory that Ghost writes these, which I believe is indeed the case.

First let’s look at the Shade, which is automatically unlocked when we receive the Hunter's Journal in-game regardless of whether we have died and fought the Shade or not. Mechanically this is important because if the Shade weren’t unlocked by default it would be impossible to attain the Hunter achievements without dying at least once - this would REALLY suck for anybody who likes to suffer enough to try to complete the journal in Steel Soul mode.

The Shade’s entry reads:

Echo of a previous life. Defeat it to retake its power and become whole.

-

Each of us leaves an imprint of something when we die. A stain on the world. I don’t know how much longer this kingdom can bear the weight of so many past lives...

Notice that the top text knows exactly what the Shade is and how it works. In story terms, this would imply that Ghost has died and come back enough pre-game to understand the mechanics of how their revivals work.

The Lightseed’s entry reads:

A single-celled organism, completely infected. Scurries about simple-mindedly.

-

Strange air has been seeping down from above for years. Some of the air became liquid, and some of that liquid became flesh, and some of that flesh came to life. I don’t know what to make of it.

In this entry, the top text assumes that Lightseeds are a Lifeseed-like creature that has been infected, and the Hunter’s notes reveal that this is incorrect and the Lightseeds were actually born from the Infection itself. From this we learn that the top text isn’t omniscient and can be mistaken: It’s written from a limited perspective.

And here’s Radi’s entry:

The light,* forgotten.

-

The plague, the infection, the madness that haunts the corpses of Hallownest... the light that screams out from the eyes of this dead Kingdom. What is the source? I suppose mere mortals like myself will never understand.

Here, the top text has information that the Hunter doesn’t, and which only a handful of bugs are privy to anymore.

From these three examples, I believe it is safe to say that Ghost is in fact the author of the journal entries’ top segments.

It’s important to remember that the observations these characters make can be not wholly correct, and I’ll bring that up when I believe it to be relevant, but for now let’s build a picture of how a case of the Infection generally progresses by looking at the Hunter’s commentary on Infected Crossroads enemies, and at a handful of characters whose Infection we directly observe: Bretta, Sly, Myla, and Moss Prophet.

The Hunter describes the broad arc of Infection progression in the Violent Husk's entry: “First [the bugs of Hallownest] fell into deep slumber, then they awoke with broken minds, and then their bodies started to deform...”

The two NPCs who we can save from becoming Infected, Bretta and Sly, are initially found emitting orange fog and mumbling to themselves. In Bretta’s case, when listened to, she initially talks about being left behind and forgotten** as she assumes that all people will treat her this way even though she craves affection and attention; Dream Nailed either before or after being listened to, she mentions a “shining figure”.***

Meanwhile, Sly speaks about his pupil Oro and someone named Esmy, and when his symptoms subside he identifies that he was led to the Crossroads village ruins by a dream.****

Listening to Bretta and Sly completely brings them back to reality, after which they leave the underground area entirely to return to Dirtmouth. However, when the player encounters Myla after defeating Soul Master and obtaining Descending Dive, listening to her does not cause any change in her condition despite that she is not yet hostile.

During these encounters, Bretta is surrounded by orange fog, Sly is surrounded by orange fog and his eyes have also begun to turn orange, and Myla's eyes are glowing but there is no fog around her. So, we can deduce that for as long as the orange fog is present, a bug may still be awoken and cured (Bretta and Sly both show no signs of relapse over the course of the game), but once the fog disappears the bug can no longer be saved by external means.

The "deformation" that the Hunter mentions in the Violent Husk entry refers to the large blobs of Infection that develop on the bodies of creatures that have been infected for a long period of time. We observe these upon the Infected Crossroads enemies, as well as on Hollow and the Moss Prophet. We also see that these Infection tumors can eventually kill bugs once they grow too large and impede bodily functions, just like real cancer: The Moss Prophet and Mossy Vagabonds are all discovered in this state after the Crossroads become infected, as are the Husk Guards in the Crossroads.

So, the progression we can see here is that bugs become infected through their dreams, and while they can initially be woken, if left alone they will fall into too deep a sleep to wake up. Some time after this they will start to move around again but will be hostile to any creatures that are not infected. And, if left in this state for a very long period of time, they will develop tumorous growths which are potentially fatal.

Potentially fatal. This is an interesting contradiction to a basic assumption that most players - and even Ghost and the Hunter - seem to hold about the Infection: That is, that the Infection functions like a pop-culture zombie plague, and infected creatures are all undead (reanimated dead things that can't be killed); thus that the enemies that respawn after resting or going offscreen are the same ones that Ghost just murdered, and have simply been reanimated by the Infection once again.

But infected creatures can die of the Infection. What’s more, bosses and unique instances of generic enemies (such as Myla and the Moss Knight at the pier of Unn’s lake) do not respawn once killed. And it’s definitely not that Ghost killed them that counts: Traitor Lord dies whether Ghost fights him solo or whether Cloth is brought along, in which case she always gets the final blow. This creates the argument that the respawning generics are NOT in fact the same individuals reanimated over and over, but different individuals of the same enemy class, and that their different respawn rates speak to how plentiful those creatures are - small animals respawning faster because a new one will arrive in the recently killed one’s territory sooner, for instance.

Ghost and the Hunter both seem to assume that infected enemies are all undead - many creatures are identified as “husks” or “the remains of [whatever specific bug]” in the Hunter's Journal. But we’ve already established that sometimes Ghost and the Hunter are wrong.

So, if infected creatures aren’t undead, then what are they?

SOURCES:

* I find it a very interesting tidbit of characterization for Ghost that they refer to Radiance as the Light, as native bugs do, rather than calling her the Old Light, as Hallownest bugs did. This has some fascinating implications for where Ghost feels their allegiances to be, but that's neither here nor there right now lol.

** “Ohhh... please... don’t leave me behind! You... forgot about me...? I knew you would... everyone always forgets about me...” - Bretta’s dialogue, Fungal Wastes encounter

*** “...Shining figure...So bright...” - Bretta’s Dream Nail dialogue, Fungal Wastes encounter

**** “...ugghh, Oro you oaf.... You wield your nail... like a club... ...Esmy... how much deeper do we have to go... Oh! What?! Who are you?! ...I see. This old village. What a strange dream, to have led me down here! If you hadn’t found me, I don’t think I would’ve ever woken.” - Sly’s dialogue, Crossroads village encounter

WHAT

In a move very on-brand for Hollow Knight, there’s actually a line from Seer that gives the whole game away - and I mean this incredibly literally, she declares her loyalty to Radiance and says Fuck Hallownest and also hints at what she hopes for from Ghost all in two breaths!! - except that most players are never going to see this line because Seer only says this if you screw up platforming in the Forgotten Dream and yeet yourself off a platform before picking up the Dream Nail.

I do not doubt that I could wring a whole essay out of this one line by itself (and Seer deserves an essay from me so maybe I will), but today the part we’re concerned with is the third line of this dialogue, i.e. how she describes the Dream Nail to Ghost: “The power to wake this world from its slumber[.]”

Its slumber.

The Infection doesn’t only spread through dreams. It is a dream.

To put it in a more meta/video game mechanics sort of way, the Infection is a status ailment. Sleep exists as a common status ailment in RPGs, strategy games, and even some adventure games and platformers. Usually the status ailment of sleep is a mild nuisance that wears off after time, when a character is struck, or if the requisite curative is used; in comparison the Infection is Sleep But Bass Boosted. Appropriate, for a glorified status ailment that’s inflicted by the literal actual god of dreams.

The Infection can only be cured in the very early stages. Once an infected creature has fallen into a coma, there’s no longer any hope of a third party breaking the curse... and also, infected creatures sleepwalk. Violently.

This may also provide an explanation for why mummified bugs in the catacombs have been infected, too: If they were freshly dead and their lingering spirit was still attached enough to their corpses, and that lingering spirit retained enough of a mind to dream...

Aside from those mummified bugs, though, I believe it likely that most if not all of the infected enemies in-game are very, very much alive.

Beyond all the dialogue and lore crumbs pointing to the Infection simply being a cursed sleep, this explanation makes the most sense when thinking about Radiance as a character. She is the literal embodiment of dreams as well as the sun, so inflicting eternal slumber with bonus malignant sleepwalking is a natural extension of her power and a way to use it offensively without being directly violent.

(I've written about this at length elsewhere, but signs point to Radiance having been a pacifist prior to the Pale King’s invasion. Short version: The Moth Tribe were pacifists and Radiance was the center of their culture so it would be odd if she were an exception; she is incapable of inflicting any physical harm whatsoever in a game where lack of contact damage from an active enemy indicates helplessness and such enemies always flee from Ghost unless they have a tool they can use to fight with; her behavior in her boss battles indicates a lack of combat experience, and her nail-generating spells seem to be based on Hollow’s abilities. Real-life adult moths cannot fight - they defend themselves with flight, camouflage, mimicry, and I’m Poisonous So Fuck Off coloring.)

Now, I don’t want to downplay the harm the Infection causes - it doesn’t have to turn bugs into literal undead zombies to be devastating. What we can glean of Hallownest’s ruins suggests that as a state it was heavily dependent on labor to run its industry, so incapacitating the laborers would have turned the whole country on its head, especially because those laborers cannot be woken. The Infection also created an intense atmosphere of terror throughout Hallownest as bugs tried to discover ways to cure it or at least protect themselves. And as the Hunter observes,* because of how the Infection is caused, the harder you try to block Radiance out, the worse the Infection will get.

(A sidebar: Interestingly, the Infection's progress seems to be very slow when a creature willingly accepts it; Moss Prophet has Infection tumors when met but doesn’t die of them until the Crossroads is infected, though many Crossroads bugs are found dead of tumors immediately. Traitor Lord and his followers opted in to the Infection long ago, but Traitor Lord is still at the “orange fog” stage and could theoretically be cured, if he wanted to be. Both Traitor Lord and Moss Prophet are still completely lucid, too.)

Radiance may not have committed any direct violence against Hallownest, but the Infection does incite violence: infected creatures become hostile to and will attack the uninfected. And as we’ve discussed, the Infection itself can become fatal once it’s progressed far enough for tumorous growths to form.

A god smiting the shit out of her people’s oppressors by nonviolently but thoroughly disrupting their kingdom, Especially if that kingdom is a genocidal colonialist slave state,** as a Let My People Go And Leave Me Alone :) ultimatum is not unreasonable. (And Moss Prophet tells us point-blank that literally just listening to Radiance in the first place would have prevented the Infection before it began!) But despite that Hallownest as an institution is unambiguously awful, Hallownest bugs victimized by their own state (such as the maggot slaves and other menial workers) probably saw much less benefit from Hallownest’s genocides than the rich and nobility, and likely deserved the smiting way less than said rich and nobility.

Meanwhile Hallownest’s neighbors - all native nations who are just as much victims of TPK’s bullshit as the Moth Tribe - did not deserve to get caught up in the smiting at all.

Lateral harm in Hollow Knight is another topic that deserves its own essay - and more than that, lots of in-depth conversation! - but, again, that’s not the topic we want to focus on today. I do want to make it clear, though, that infected creatures being alive and theoretically wakeable if the curse should end doesn’t suddenly mean the Infection was actually no big deal. If you want your jimmies rustled, try Dream Nailing enemies that pull from the generic Dream Nail dialogue pool: They are on some level aware that they’re dreaming and can’t wake.***

Clues that the Infection is literally a dream are littered all over the game, from Elderbug’s initial dialogue**** to the name of ending 3, Dream No More - not only named that because that’s the ending where Ghost sacrifices Radiance’s life as well as their own to end Hollow’s suffering rather than only sacrificing their freedom.

Some of what Bardoon and Moss Prophet have to say about the Infection is suggestive of the nature of this dream, though. Moss Prophet appeals to their audience to find unity through the Infection,***** and Bardoon also remarks on this, though he cautions that this comes at the cost of being reduced to instinct.****** Dreaming does tend to come hand in hand with lack of inhibition and suggestibility, but I’m more interested in what Moss Prophet and Bardoon mean by unity, since infected creatures’ thoughts are different depending on what they are and what they were already doing while awake.

There's less specific hard evidence for this aside from how we can observe that Infection blobs are connected to Radiance, transmitting her heartbeat and birthing the Lightseeds, her unintended creations. But given that those blobs do originate from Infection fluid according to the Hunter... Radiance is not just the embodiment of dreams but the heart of THE Dream. So could the Infection be a forcible pseudo-immersion into that capital-D Dream, the Dream Realm itself?

Whether my hunch here is right or not, I can’t in good faith end this essay without bringing all y’all’s attention to absolutely my favorite bit of The Infection Is A Dream foreshadowing: The way multiple parties mention the fact that the Infection smells and tastes sweet.*******

You know... it’s sweet... it’s a sweet dream... get it.........

And now that you can no longer unsee that brilliantly awful pun, I think I'll see myself out!

SOURCES:

* “The infection that swept through Hallownest so long ago... they say that the harder you struggled against it, the more it consumed you.” - Hunter’s commentary, Slobbering Husk Hunter’s Journal entry.

** I’m referring, of course, to the maggots. See: “Weakest members of the kingdom of Hallownest. Generally looked down upon and forced to do menial labour.” (Ghost’s commentary) and “If they try to bargain for their life, just ignore them. They have nothing to offer.” (Hunter’s commentary) from the Maggot Hunter's Journal entry as well as False Knight/Failed Champion’s backstory. Remember also that maggots are the larval form of flies like Sly (you’ll see the resemblance if you compare Sly’s features to the maggot siblings’), meaning Hallownest employs child slavery. In more cheerful news Sly’s backstory must be absolutely goddamn wild.

*** “I’m not...Dead..” “Am I...Sleeping?” “I can’t....Wake up...” - Dream Nail dialogue from generic Hallownest bugs (Wandering Husk, Leaping Husk, Horned Husk, Husk Bully, Husk Warrior) and from God Tamer for some reason

**** “Perhaps dreams aren't such great things after all...” - Elderbug’s initial dialogue

***** “Embrace light! Achieve union!” - Moss Prophet’s dialogue

****** “Theirs is a different kind of unity. Rejection of the Wyrm’s attempt at order. I resist the light’s allure. Union it may offer, but also a mind bereft of thought... To instinct alone a bug is reduced...Hrrm...” - Bardoon’s dialogue (Listen four times, not counting other dialogue flags)

******* “A thick orange mist fills these walking corpses. It has a sweet, sickly taste to it. I find it foul. After you kill these creatures, I suggest you do not eat them.” - Hunter’s commentary, Husk Bully Hunter’s Journal entry, just for one example.

[rhysismydaddy]

Unholy Matrimony Pt. 3 (Nessian)

Damnation Series

Parts 1 / 2 / 4 / 5 

_________________________________________________

~Cassian~

By the time I sneak in the apartment, it’s the middle of the night. The boxes in the corner tell me my fiancé is here, has officially moved in with me, and I take a moment to appreciate how fucking weird that feels.

I might be appreciative of all things women and have definitely earned my reputation as a player, but I’ve never had a woman live in my place.

It’s... weird.

I walk quietly through the place, passing the guest room she’s sleeping in, and into my room.

Then pause, because it turns out she’s not in the guest room.

Nesta’s sprawled in my bed, on my side, hair spilling over my pillow like liquid sunshine. The moon seems to favor her, highlighting the features I have a hard enough time avoiding looking at during the day, and I pinch the bridge of my nose as I think about how much more difficult it’s going to be to sleep now.

But I refuse to leave my own room, since this very well could be a power play, so I just walk to the attached bathroom, close the door, and sigh.

Looking in the mirror proves I look like shit, and I wonder what Nesta will think when she wakes up next to me.

She probably won’t care.

I have a feeling it takes something pretty drastic to shake that blasé attitude out of her.

After taking a cold shower to minimize the bruising, I pad across the room, grab some boxers, and slide into bed next to my blushing bride to be.

She shifts and turns onto her side, and I realize she’s stolen one of my t-shirts to sleep in. It’s ridiculously big on her, falling off her shoulders, and not nearly thick enough to hide what’s underneath.

Fucking hell.

Even asleep, I can’t ignore her.

Her smell--citrus and jasmine and vanilla--is fucking all over me, stuffing itself in my nostrils and not letting me relax.

I’ve never been this attracted to how a woman smells.

Most times, perfumes and lotions and whatever other sorcery women lather on themselves has the opposite effect, actually.

But all I can think about right now is rolling over and burying my face in her neck. Then burying a different part of me in her.

Even though I should turn over and at least try to sleep, I let myself look at her.

Her lips are slightly parted and look like they’d taste like candy, and there’s a serene, peaceful expression on her face that’s so different from the fierce one she usually wears.

She wiggles, somehow sliding closer, and murmurs, “Stop staring at me.”

I chuckle, and the simple fact that we’re laying in bed whispering to each other does strange things to my head.

Nesta apparently agrees, turning over and facing away from me. I take a moment to appreciate the sweep of her hips, and she seems to know exactly what I’m looking at when she says, “Goodnight, pervert.”

A smile threatens to bloom, so I wipe my hand across my face and smother it.

Maybe marriage won’t be so bad.

~

When I wake up, I amend my statement. Marriage definitely won’t be so bad.

I’m wrapped around around Nesta--which probably happened the instant I fell asleep--and my nose is against the soft skin of her neck, allowing me to breathe in the smell of her over and over again.

She just feels... right.

She’s relaxed against me, which is surprising, considering where my hand is.

One very numb arm is under her head as a makeshift pillow, but it’s the other one that’s interesting. It’s wrapped around her narrow waist, holding her tight to my chest and ending in the hand cupping her breast.

She’ll probably kill me the second she wakes up, but it might be worth it.

Fuck, she feels good against me.

But I realize I’m acting like the pervert she accused me of being, so I slide my hand down, towards the more neutral territory of her stomach.

I’m helpless, however, to stop myself from kissing the side of her neck softly.

She stirs, and I freeze like a red-handed thief.

But she just turns over in my arms, pressing her front to mine, and slips an arm around my waist, sighing sleepily. Her hand roams over my back, nails raising goosebumps in their wake as they softly trace over my skin.

She blinks her eyes open, takes in our tangled up position, and says simply, “Huh.”

“Yeah,” I respond like a monosyllabic idiot.

Clear blue eyes on mine, she brings her hand up to my face and lightly touches the split lip I’m sure is puffy as hell.

Fucker had a fast right hook.

“You made me a lot of money last night,” she murmurs, tapping my lip once, then twice.

“What?” I ask, too turned on and dizzy to focus on what she said.

She was there? She saw me fight?

A strange sense of male pride goes through me at that, considering I won.

“I had the bookie place a bet for me,” Nesta says, stopping that caveman train of thought in its tracks.

“How’d you know?”

I keep my fighting far away from the public’s eye, going clear across town to Lucky’s. It’s a small shipping company, and Lucky, the man who runs the place, uses some empty containers to host fights every week.

He knows who I am but doesn’t care, claiming he’s too old to be scared of some “young Mafia punk.” He also doesn’t allow cell phones or recordings, and there’s no written records of the fights.

She raises an eyebrow. “You realize Alexei owns that entire shipping yard, right?”

I had not.

“Huh,” I say, stealing her line from a minute ago. “And you bet on me? Why?”

“Call it intuition.”

I remember the way her eyes tracked over me yesterday, like there wasn’t anything she didn’t see, and I realize she knew I like to fight from the second she saw me.

“Glad I could help pad your bank account,” I tell her, smiling. “And I’m glad you make yourself at home in my absence. But just for future reference... I sleep on that side of the bed.”

She leans in, lips an inch from mine, and whispers, “Not anymore, you don’t.”

A rough smile is all the warning I give her before I pull her close and turn over, practically throwing her to the other side of the bed.

I don’t know what I expect her to do, but it sure as hell isn’t jab me in the ribs, crawl over me, and retake her original spot.

Prodding my ribs, I notice she hit me right on a pressure point. Like she knew exactly what she was doing.

She grins, a challenge lighting up her bright eyes and making her look even more alive.

“Oh, malyshka,” I whisper, somehow knowing calling her a pet name will piss her off. “You’re in so much trouble.”

“Bring it, stronzo,” she shoots back, calling me an asshole in my own fucking language. Disrespectful.

I grab her wrists to try and pin her, but she’s fucking fast as an adder, slipping out from underneath me and poking me in the ribs again.

I step it up a notch, and for a few moments, we’re busy wrestling in bed.

It’s honest to God the most fun I’ve had in ages.

I’ve never met a woman who knows how to fight, much less one I can’t seem to pin. I have a hundred pounds on her, yet more than once, I’m the one struggling.

She continues pressing pressure points, some I never even knew existed, and despite the fact it sure as hell doesn’t feel good, I find myself laughing.

By the time I eventually just tackle her and press her into the mattress with my weight, I’m out of breath and can’t stop laughing at how ridiculous it is.

I grab her wrists and pin them above her head, my legs on top of hers to keep her from doing something clever like kneeing me in the balls. “Slippery little sucker, aren’t you?”

There’s a beat of silence, and then she tilts her head back and laughs.

Watching that stony exterior crack might be the best thing I’ve ever seen.

She comes alive, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. Her laugh is a beautiful sound, light and airy and I can’t stop myself.

I drop down and kiss her, pressing my smile to hers.

She stops laughing.

And then she sighs, and the sound is so goddamn pretty I almost can’t take it.

She pushes up on my hands, hands wanting freedom, so I release her wrists and brace myself on my elbows above her. Nesta winds her arms around me, hands delving in my hair, and kisses me back.

I try to keep my weight off her, but she’s having none of that and wraps her legs around me and pulls me down, fusing our hips together.

I press myself against her, and she arches up in response, drawing a low sound out of my throat.

Now that my hands are free, they roam through her hair, across her sides, down her thighs.

She’s so goddamn soft.

She moves against me like it’s second nature, kisses me like she can’t get enough.

And when I move to kiss a path down her throat, inhaling that intoxicating scent as I suck on her skin, she softly moans my name. I feel like I’m on fire, and her saying my name like that that does absolutely nothing to help, so I bite on the junction between her shoulder and neck in retaliation for being so addictive.

She says my name, then again, and I notice it isn’t in the same soft tone as before.

My head snaps up, gaze finding hers to try and figure out if I did something wrong.

Her lips and cheek are rosy, blonde hair a halo around her.

“I think we should wait,” she states, even though she doesn’t make a move to leave or throw me off. And I know now she definitely could.

“For what?”

Her lips twitch. “Our wedding.”

It takes me a long time to respond. “Are you a-”

“No,” she says, looking at me with a teasing look in her eyes.

“Oh.”

“I just think it’d make it better,” she reasons.

Personally, I think it’d be perfect right the hell now, but I nod like I’m not hard enough to deform the mattress I’m pressing my hips into. “Okay.”

“Okay,” she mutters back, and we spend a moment lying there, breathing each other’s air. Until, “I should probably get up, then.”

Because I suddenly know a total of one word, I just reply, “Okay.”

I roll off of her and onto my back, putting a hand over my eyes so I’m not tempted to look at her ass as she gets up and pads to the bathroom.

I listen to her shower and get ready, all the while wondering how the absolute hell I’m going to live with her, have her sleep in my bed, without actually having sex with her.

She’s tempting enough wearing fucking work clothes, but if I wake up again with her in my arms? Fuck.

I could always go to someone else, but for some strange reason, the thought of being like every other man in the Cosa Nostra and having a mistress makes me sick. Or maybe it’s the fact that in a matter of two whole days, I’ve become completely wrapped around Nesta’s finger and don’t want to hurt her like that.

The object of my obsession comes out, walking over to the closet in a towel, and I look at the ceiling in misery.

Maybe I should stay in the guest room.

~

By the time I can breathe again and have gotten over the feeling of my balls fucking falling off, Nesta’s gone. She got dressed like nothing was the matter, asked if I was going to sit on my ass all day, and told me she’d be back later tonight as she slipped out the door.

It’s still early, and I wonder for a second where she’s going, but then shrug and stop sitting around pining.

I put on a dark suit--something I only do when I have corporate shit to do--and drive further downtown to Sera. It’s my first day, and I scheduled an all-staff to meet everyone and introduce myself.

I park and walk through the bank, nodding to the teller who opens the secondary bank door and lets me in the club. People are waiting inside, which is a little strange since I’m five minutes early, but I’m not complaining.

I take in the faces I’ve spent the past couple days memorizing as people file in. The staff is interesting, to say the least. More than a few have records, and some are from places of the world I’ve never heard of.

The investors come in last, the only corporate-looking people in the room. They come up and shake my hand while the employees choose to watch me with a strange look in their eyes.

Once everyone’s inside and seated, I smile and introduce myself.

“My name is Cassian Azara. I’m the new owner of Sera, and I just wanted to come by, introduce myself, and meet you guys.” No one smiles back or says anything, but I don’t let it bother me. “The change in management won’t impact the day to day aspect too much. I like the way things are and don’t plan on changing anything, but let me know if you need anything or have suggestions.”

One woman sitting in the back speaks up, her voice clipped and irritated. “What’s the point of taking over, if you aren’t changing anything?”

I don’t really know what to say, so I ask back, “Do you have a suggestion?”

She rolls her eyes, looking pissed as hell, and pulls out her phone.

Weird.

I stop speaking to the group, and the investors make a point to shake my head again. After they’re gone, I walk around to introduce myself individually, finding the general vibe to be... definitely not welcome.

I understand it’s weird for a stranger to come in and claim they’re the boss, but I just said it shouldn’t impact their lives too much, so I don’t understand the reaction I’m getting.

Some people ignore me, some look at me with irritation, and some just get up and leave.

I turn to the bartender, one of the only ones who didn’t act like he wants to stab me with a rusty knife, as he leaves. “Is there a reason they all hate me?”

He gives me a strange look over his shoulder. “We’re all pretty fond of the previous owner.”

Alexei? These people all like Alexei?

I’ve never heard a nice word about that man, but I guess he won their loyalty over time.

Whatever. If these people like that cold bastard, they’re sure to love me.

~

What feels like a full twenty-four hours later, I walk through the door to my apartment and realize how fucking wrong I was.

The employees of Sera do not like me. I dealt with business of my own after the quick meet and greet this morning, then came back to do management stuff at six.

Immediately, I was met with complaints and broken things and inventory problems and about a million other things I don’t have to deal with at my other properties.

I’ve never met a group of people so difficult to work with.

Nesta eyes me as I come through the door, tilting her head curiously. “You look like shit.”

There’s something... interesting about her tone, but I shrug it off.

I wish I could lie and say she looks bad, too, but she somehow looks perfect and fresh as a daisy after whatever she’s done all day.

“Long day.”

She raises an eyebrow, looking at me over the top of her laptop.

“The employees at Sera, one of your dad’s old clubs, aren’t too happy with me taking over. They were a pain in the ass all day.”

Nesta looks at me for a while, something I can’t read playing in her gaze. “Huh.”

I grab a beer from the fridge and fling myself down next to her, looking over at her with my patented bedroom eyes. “You know what would make me feel so much better?” I ask, innuendo making the answer pretty obvious.

“Minet?”

My brow furrows. “I don’t know what that means.”

She sighs, getting to her feet and stretching her arms over her head in a way that makes her dress slide up her thighs. “Look it up, big boy. I’m going to bed. And before you ask, no, that isn’t an invitation.”

“Stay on your side,” I warn with a grin. “I’d hate to have to kick your ass again.”

Nesta just scoffs, taking her laptop up the stairs and disappearing into my... our room.

I look up minet, smile, and yell, “That’s exactly what I was thinking!”

She doesn’t respond, but I hear soft laughter and know she heard me.

Sighing about my lack of minet, I pull out my own computer, planning on going through some of the complaints I received tonight. But something makes me pause and remember the look on Nesta’s face when I told her about my day.

And her tone... it was amusement, I realize.

I pull up the deed and find out why.

Sera, and the building it’s hidden within, never belonged to Alexei. They were bought and built by little miss Nesta Orlov.

Interesting.

I keep digging and find out why the employees there are so loyal to her. One way or another, she saved them. All of them.

The bartender with the criminal record who struggled to find employment, the street performer who was sleeping on a park bench, the dancer who was denied a VISA until Nesta met with the governor on her behalf.

Every single employee is somehow bound to Nesta, somehow in her debt.

It’s fucking genius.

Instead of spending money to buy loyalty, she chose people who’d give it to her for the simple price of a job.

No wonder they hate me.

Maybe it’ll blow over when we announce our engagement at the party and they realize she’s still in the picture.

Although for some reason, I have the strange feeling that what happened today was just the beginning.

____________________________________________________________

NEXT CHAPTER

[chaseatinydream]

pirate king (18) || atz

You and Wooyoung are sitting in the rigging, staring out to sea.

The Treasure has left Tortuga for a few days now, sailing in the open sea for the town of Nassau. From what Wooyoung has told you, Nassau, Seonghwa’s hometown, used to be a port thriving with pirate activity… until one day, the Royal Navy decided retake the town from the pirates. Pirate ships were burnt to the ground, the crews hung at the gallows and anyone associated with them brought in for questioning.

It is during that purge that Seonghwa’s parents were killed.

Seonghwa has finally left the confines of the galley, escorted to the sickbay to sleep and rest. Yunho is keeping a vigil beside Seonghwa, while you’ve taken over his cooking duties and Yunho’s lookout role. You may not be as well suited to the job as the two of them are, but it’s the most you can do for being to blame for Seonghwa’s condition.

If only you had known what to do.

You shake your head, squeezing your eyes shut.

If only you hadn’t let the herbs be stolen.

You know it’s stupid, but the thoughts won’t stop echoing in your head.

If only you hadn’t gone out to celebrate your name.

You chew your lips.

If only you hadn’t come to this ship.

Guilt tears at you from the inside like the teeth of a piranha. The pain is all too acute, all to real.

“Hey.”

You’re jerked back from your thoughts by Wooyoung, who’s grinning at you. Somehow, the head gunner has pushed past the air of gloom surrounding the ship, managing to keep a broad smile on his face despite the weight on everyone’s shoulders. How he’s doing it, you don’t know, but part of you resents how easily he can seem to forget that Seonghwa is still in the sickbay, struggling to block out the voices of his dead family from his ears while all of you are absolutely powerless to help.

Even now, Seonghwa’s still refusing the sleeping incense, but Yeosang has given given him back the steak plushie, which he hugs to sleep every night. Jongho helps by singing his hyung to sleep. San mixes relaxing teas for him. Captain and Mingi studying the overlay of Nassau, trying to find the most inconspicuous way they can enter the town without garnering the attention of the authorities.

It’s only you and Wooyoung who can do nothing. And the guilt you feel is swallowing you whole.

Wooyoung suddenly leans forward, shackles clanging as he uses his fingers to turn your mouth up in smile. “I’m sure captain and Mingi will think of something. We’ll help Seonghwa-hyung and everything will be fine soon. Don’t be sad.”

Anger rushes forth.

“Don’t be sad?” You snap, smacking his hand away. Wooyoung looks visibly wounded, pain flashing across his face as his hand falls to his side, but you’re too caught up in your fury to notice. “Seonghwa-hyung is in this state and you have the gall to smile and act happy?”

Something in Wooyoung’s normally bright viridescent eyes darkens suddenly as he silently watches you rant.

“I hate how you’re still so happy go lucky! It’s like you don’t understand what it’s like to lose someone even though you’ve had family like Jongho-hyung and Yunho-hyung!” You continue raving, not seeing the way Wooyoung’s fingers clench so tight around the ropes his knuckles turn bloodless. “ I’m the only one who has no family, alright? I’m not like all of you, I don’t know what it’s like, but you’ve had family before, so shouldn’t you try to be more understanding?”

Silence falls between the two of you as you finish. Then you realise that you’ve just literally just thrown everything, your hurt, your pain, your guilt onto Wooyoung, who must be suffering too somewhere deep down inside. To your horror, his head hangs low so that you can’t see his expression, but from the way his shoulders are curled in on themselves, you must have wounded him deeply. Regret and guilt fills you.

You can’t seem to do anything right.

“Wooyoung-hyung, I’m sorry-”

“What else am I supposed to do, then?” Wooyoung breathes, turning to meet your eyes head on. You desperately want to look away, but his gaze is unbreakable as steel. There’s something utterly frigid about them, almost terrifying, like a dragon rearing its head. “Cry? Complain? Feel pity for myself? Curl up in a ball and hide until all the problems disappear?”

That’s exactly what you want to do right now under the weight of his of his intense stare, pinning you down.

“Hyung, I didn’t mean it-”

“You did.” Wooyoung cuts you off fiercely, his green eyes burning. “You meant every word of it and I don’t blame you. But I want you to know that I don’t intend on moping around because that’s not going to help anything. So get those stupid thoughts about it being your fault out of your head because none of them are true and smile because you need to believe things can get better.”

The resolve in his voice is unshakable, and you curl in on yourself to avoid Wooyoung’s stare, shame burning on your cheeks. All this while, you’ve only been thinking about yourself and your guilt, forgetting that you also affect the members of the crew and that moping around hasn’t helped at all.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper quietly under your breath, but Wooyoung hears you anyway and his smile returns once more.

“I forgive you.” He beams at you gently, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. Your head rests against his shoulder, seeking comfort. “I understand.”

You wipe the tears from your eyes as you swallow down your emotions. Right. Smile. Be positive. Staying negative isn’t going to help anything.

Then Wooyoung frowns as he looks down onto the main deck. “Yeosang is coming over. I wonder what he needs.”

“Wooyoungie! Is Chin Hae up there with you?” The navigator stops in front of the main mast, hand shielding his eyes from the sun as he looks up. Wooyoung nods. “Yeah! Do you need him?”

“Can you tell him to come down? I have something to discuss with him.”

You frown, a little confused as Wooyoung glances at you in surprise. Then he leans forward to pinch your cheeks into a smile again, mirroring his own. “Go on. Don’t forget to smile.”

You manage a real smile for the first time in days.

“Thanks, Wooyoung-hyung.” You say as you climb over the side of the crow’s nest, making your way down and dropping lightly to the main deck. Yunho would be so proud if he saw you doing that. “What do you need, Yeosang-hyung?”

“San spoke to me earlier about your encounter with a fortune teller.” Yeosang explains to you as the two of you make your way across the main deck. Your eyes widen as you realise what he’s talking about. “Since Hongjoong-hyung is steering and Mingi is sleeping in the main hold, the captain’s quarters are empty and I thought that I could take this time to research on what the fortune teller said with you.”

Your heart leaps into your chest with ecstasy at what this could mean, but then you pause a little.

“Should we be doing this now? With everything that’s going on?”

Yeosang stops in the middle of pushing open the door to the captain’s cabin to look at you seriously. You’ve never realised how big and clear his eyes are, completely genuine and free of any trace of ill will. “It’s not like we can do anything now. What we can do is keep our spirits up and be strong for Seonghwa-hyung until we reach Nassau. And you’ve been looking down lately, so I thought I could try to cheer you up by clearing some of your questions.”

Warmth blooms in you at his thoughtfulness. “Thank you, Yeosang-hyung.”

The navigator smiles happily at you, almost radiant. “No problem. It’s my honour you’d trust me with such an important piece of information.” He opens the door and ushers you in.

You’ve never been in the captain’s cabin without the captain being present, so the room is unnaturally quiet and still. Yeosang, however, seems to know the room like it’s the back of his own hand, moving towards one of the shelves at the far end of the room while you hover awkwardly at the door.

“Please sit.” He indicates to the bed as he pulls out a scrap of parchment. You recognise it as the one Seonghwa had written your prophecy on the other time when you were discussing your visit to the fortune teller. Yeosang brings the paper over to you.

“So, what part haven’t you figured out?” He asks seriously, as he reaches in his pocket for a small wooden case, producing a pair of thin, gold rimmed eyeglasses and placing them on his nose delicately. You look over the words.

“The sea witch and the jar of clay.” You answer honestly.

Yeosang nods and moves over to his array of books. The walls are covered in them, from texts to maps to travel rutters to books of varying languages. There are even some tied up in stacks and placed neatly on the floor, all of them well kept and not a speck of dust on them.

He pulls out a few books, putting them in his arms as he mumbles to himself, eyes flitting among the shelves. Then he returns to you, setting the books on the table with a huff. “Let me look through these for a moment.”

You study him intently as he flips through the books faster than you can blink, fingers flying along the pages. The title on some of the books read ‘Legends of the Sea’, ‘Mythical Folk’ and such.

“The sea witch is a powerful entity who was once human with a bond to both the land and sea. She holds immense power, drawing upon the sea to cast spells. In return for a high price, she grants both magical and non magical folk alike what they desire.” Yeosang reads aloud, meticulously focusing on every detail. “Only people in great desperation can find the sea witch, as her lair lies hidden in a magical realm of the sea in which mortals cannot find. The entrance is rumoured to be off the coast of several uninhabited islands in the Atlantic, guarded by the sirens and fierce tidal straits rip through the waters, smashing any ship that dares pass through.”

“That’s… good to know.” You swallow uncomfortably. The only one who probably knows exactly who you are, and she’s probably out of reach. You’re unwilling to put the crew in danger because of your own problems.

“Those who have made a deal with the sea witch tend to have a token on which the deal was sealed.” Yeosang continues, glancing at the necklace hanging from your neck. “The price is often exorbitantly high, and is rarely something of material worth. It often is something of immense value to the person making the deal.”

Your memories.

You had given up your memories.

“In popular folk stories, she was responsible for taking the voice of a mermaid who’d fallen in love with a prince of the land in return for her legs. She also gives out pieces of ropes with three knots. Pulling the first knot could yield a gentle, southeasterly wind, while pulling two could generate a strong northerly wind, but the third knot would unleash a hurricane.” Yeosang looks slightly interested. “Hongjoong-hyung has one of these, but he’s used the first knot already.”

“Really?” You gape. This sea witch can’t be mere legend now.

The navigator nods as he picks up another book. “We were being chased by the Royal Navy, but he used the wind to blow the ships away. That’s when hyung really started to believe in myths a little.”

He opens a book called ‘Symbolism Through Ages’. “Jars of clay, jars of clay… Jars of clay refer to humans. In many books such as the Holy Bible, humans were described to be jars of clay, having mortal bodies while holding precious souls of great value in them.”

A jewel resting in a jar of clay.

Yeosang’s eyebrows pinch together as he continues reading. “This is a interesting explanation, but not rather helpful as it’s quite metaphorical. You said that the fortune teller asked you who’d made you?”

“Yeah…” You shiver a little at the words. “Then she told me the sea witch was my mistress.”

Yeosang frowns thoughtfully, and you can literally hear the gears in his mind turning. He picks up another book, flipping through it absentmindedly as he glances through it. “Made… Clay… Vessel… Humans… Sea Witch… Bargain...”

Then he stops.

All at once, his eyes fly wide open, pupils dilating in realization, mouth going slack, face ashen. The expression on his face can only be described in pure, unadulterated shock, and he stops breathing for a second as if air has trapped itself in his lungs.

Your heart skips a beat in excitement.

“Did you find something?” You begin to ask excitedly, but Yeosang barely seems to hear you, staring in horror at the page, then at you.

Unease begins to crawl up your skin, but you force it to the side and ask. “Yeosang-hyung… what is it?”

That seems to snap Yeosang out of his daze and he desperately tries to smooth his face in a neutral expression, but he can’t quite hide the terror in his eyes. “It’s nothing. I just thought of something, but it’s no big deal.”

The way his voice is trembling tells you it is anything but.

Your eyes narrow in suspicion and barely restrained anger. “Yeosang-hyung, what are you hiding from me?”

“It’s nothing.” The navigator insists, slamming the book shut. You get a mere glimpse of the cover. Prome-, but then Yeosang’s hand slides over the title and you can’t see it any longer. “It’s nothing at all, so just let it go, please.”

Usually, you’d let anything he says go, but this is different.

“Then let me see it.” You hold your hand out to take the book, but Yeosang wrenches it from your grasp before you can even hold it, eyes flaring in panic.

“Don’t touch it!” Yeosang shouts furiously, clutching the book to his chest. Rage fills you, what may be an answer to your identity is right there, but Yeosang won’t give it to you. You storm over to him, ready to rip the book from his hands if you need to.

“What are you doing?” You snarl at him, almost animalistic as you reach to tear your only clue from him, but Yeosang shakes his head, arms folding around the book.

“You can’t see it!” He screams at you, tears streaming down his cheeks and you feel red hot anger thrumming in your veins, purring to life like an awakening monster. Icy calm washes over you, in complete contrast to the fury burning in your heart. How dare he cry as if he’s the one losing anything from this?

Yeosang must see the shift in your eyes as your expression settles into one of dark determination, because his knees start knocking uncontrollably and his eyes dilate with pure, undiluted and primal fear.

“Give the book to me, Yeosang.”

In this moment, Yeosang makes a decision.

His fingers fumble with the latch behind him. Before you can realise what he’s doing, he’s opened the pothole, turned away from you and tossed the book into the ocean.

You feel like your last hope has been crushed into shards and scattered to the wind. Broken fury and grief screams within you like two clashing hurricanes, tearing you apart and ripping through you. Your eyes land on Yeosang, who looks stunned by what he’s just done.

You finally manage to find words in your rage to convey to him what exactly you’re feeling now.

“I hate you.” You spit with every bit of loathing you can muster, and with that, you whirl around and dash out of the cabin, the door slamming shut behind you.

Yeosang doesn’t say anything. Instead, he merely slides to the ground on his knees, body curled into a ball, wishing he could beg for your forgiveness.

And his fist pressed against his mouth to stifle the sobs pouring from his chest.

[enviedear]

dreams → draco malfoy

DESCRIPTION ⌙ in which draco tries to make amends with his old bestfriend he pushed away. the girl who saw the best in him, and still might.

PAIRING ⌙ draco x fem!reader

WORD COUNT ⌙ 2.6k

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you knew what was to come before it actually came. you could tell from the way he acted. instead of confiding in you, he would ignore you. instead of listening to you, he would find an excuse to leave the conversation.

your best friend was not your best friend anymore. but you were a hopeful third year then, and the thought of a diminishing friendship seemed ridiculous.

it was a horribly cold day when it all happened. you were sat near the frozen black lake, watching snowfall when you had heard the familiar call of your name.

when you turned around you had seen your best friend, draco.

“i’ve missed you! come sit beside me and catch up,” you exclaimed.

“i can’t do that, y/n.” he had said, simply.

you still remember the way you looked at him. your eyes were full of innocent confusion.

“draco what are you talking about? are you scared of getting your ass wet from the snow?” you had teased.

“no. i just can’t be around you anymore.” his eyes were colder than the air around you.

you didn’t say anything, just continued looking at him. none of it had felt real. sure draco wasn’t the nicest boy in your year, but he was your best friend. this all had to be some joke. a cruel joke, but a joke.

“i can’t hang about some ditzy hufflepuff. if i want to keep my friends i can’t be seen with you. and if i want to date pansy i can’t have some lovestruck girl around me all the time, can i?” he had hissed.

lovestruck? no. not at the time, in third year you only wanted a friend.

“oh. okay, i’m sorry for bothering you then.” you had mumbled.

and that was that. nothing else was said between the two of you. you had quickly abandoned the notion of watching the snowfall, and instead, slipped into your empty dorm room.

you had made your way to your bed, closed the curtains, and laid there for hours. the thoughts in your head keeping you awake. you’d missed dinner, and your dorm mates had brought you some without a word. that night, it rained. it was a terrible thunderstorm.

but the thunder seemed to match your pain, and it comforted you a little. and after that night, you started enjoying every thunderstorm.

you were now in your sixth year, and many things had changed. mainly, your feelings toward a certain blonde slytherin.

“if i were parkinson i’d feel so embarrassed for myself.” your best friend, ruth giggles.

the two of you were at dinner, and ruth had a perfect view of draco and pansy.

“why? what’s happening?” you ask.

“well, she’s trying to hold his hand but he’s much too focused on his turkey leg to take notice of her. poor girl, you’d think she’d figure out the bloke doesn’t like her.” ruth sighs.

you roll your eyes, “pansy would put up with anything for malfoy. she’s so dependent.”

it was a horribly rude thing to say of course, but it was true. you were sure everyone knew that parkinson would do anything to get into a relationship with malfoy.

“well, i’m all done. want to head to the library with me before it closes?” ruth asks.

you nod your head and grab your bag.

the walk to the library after dinner had become part of your daily routine, and if it weren’t for ruth you know you’d probably forget to study most days.

the two of you find a table to sit at, and take out your books. it’s only november, so the workload isn’t too heinous yet. you choose to review your potions notes and begin to study ahead for the upcoming lesson.

you’re in the middle of reading a section about the elixir of euphoria when ruth tells you she’s going to head to bed.

“okay, goodnight. i’m going to finish this and then i’ll be down there.” you smile at her.

she bids you goodnight, and then you’re left alone. by the time you finish, it’s well past bedtime. but lucky enough, you’re a prefect. the fact always comes in handy for you.

you pack away your books and begin heading for the hufflepuff common room. you’re just outside the library when you see someone pass by the adjoining corridor.

the dim light makes it impossible for you to determine who it is, so you follow after them.

“excuse me! no one is to be out of bed right now. i’m going to have to give you detention..” you trail off, making eye contact with the familiar grey eyes of your childhood.

“y/l/n.” he says, almost surprised.

you don’t say anything, you simply pull out a detention slip and hand it to him.

“get to your common room, malfoy.” you mutter, turning around.

“are you still mad at me?” you hear him ask, his tone light and careful.

“whatever are you talking about?” you glare, turning to face him once more.

“you know what i’m talking about, y/l/n. i think you’re giving me this bloody detention because you’re still upset i didn’t want to be your friend in third year.” he spits.

you feel your ears grow hot before you reply, “we’re not kids anymore. i’ve moved on and so should you. leave me alone, malfoy.” and with that, you leave the boy standing alone.

the next day is much the same as usual. you start the day with charms, struggle your way through advanced transfiguration, and go to herbology. after lunch, it’s time for your free period.

most days, ruth accompanies you outside near the black lake to sit and relax. with everything going on in the world these past few years, you’re glad to have a friend you can confide in. today, however, she’s stuck retaking a charms test. so you’re all alone this evening.

the cold november air casts goosebumps on your skin, but you’re too focused on your thoughts to care. all day, you’ve found yourself reliving last night with draco. you’ve played the situation out so many times you’re convinced that at this point, you’ve come up with every single way the conversation could have gone.

maybe you could have be nicer to him? maybe you shouldn’t have spoken at all? maybe you should have put him in his place more?

all of these thoughts bombard you, and make you feel just like you did back in third year. weak, confused, and hurt. you didn’t even know why you were thinking of draco so much in the first place.

well, maybe you did know. even though you weren’t friends anymore, you still looked out for him. there were plenty of times people would speak badly of him for things he couldn’t change, and you’d be quick to defend him.

you also always listened in to any conversation where his name was brought up. at this point, you were sure it was instinct.

you didn’t like draco anymore, but you still loved him. granted, not the way you loved him as a child. no, now you have a love for him that rivals any love poem, song, or illustration.

and you hate it. you don’t know why you love him, and it doesn’t stop you from loathing the person he is now. though, you’ve often let your mind slip into a different scenario. one where draco never stops being your friend. he doesn’t care for what others have to say. and after school the two of you fall in love and live in a cottage in italy.

but the only cottage you can possibly see in your near future is hagrids’. so you always stop the thought before you can become too invested. all your wishes for a different life with draco can never come to fruition anyway.

you check your watch and see it’s time to head inside for dinner. you’ve almost reached the greenhouses before you’re violently pulled backward, causing you to fall straight on your ass.

you look up and are greeted with the very face you told to leave you alone.

“great, it’s you. have you come to hex me for your little detention?” you remark, getting to your feet.

“you’re such a brash person to be in hufflepuff, has anyone ever told you that.” draco spits, before lighting his tone, “sorry i didn’t mean— i just need to speak with you.”

“so you flung me on my ass?”

“i didn’t mean to!”

you narrow your eyes at him, “i don’t want to speak with you. for the last time, leave me alone.”

“y/n you don’t understand i don’t have anyone else to talk to!” he shouts.

“oh so now you want to talk to me! just because your other friends are too busy now. what is it they’re busy with draco, helping the dark lord?” you seethe.

he huffs and looks down, not saying a word.

“that’s exactly what it is, isn’t it? keep me out of it, malfoy. i don’t want to be a part of your pathetic ideology.” you jeer.

he keeps his gaze on the ground when he mutters, “i don’t want to be a part of it either. that’s why i wanted to speak to you,” he looks up and stares right into your eyes. “i need help.”

your mind goes a mile a minute. you can’t stop looking at him. you don’t know if this is real or not but you reply before you properly think it out.

“what do you need from me?”

you see him relax a little. his eyebrows lower, he slouches a bit, and his eyes become softer. he looks more like the draco you knew. the thought makes your stomach drop and your mind race.

“can i take you somewhere?” he asks.

you nod your head and begin to follow the tall boy. he leads you into the castle, and up to the seventh floor. he looks at you before telling you to stand where you are and walks up and down the corridor three times.

you look at him confused and are about to suggest that maybe someone hit him with a confundus charm when suddenly a door appears in front of you.

“the room of requirement?” you ask, amazed.

draco doesn’t say anything as he pulls you into the room with him.

the room in question amazes you. there are millions of things that capture your gaze. it makes you feel extremely small.

“what are we doing here, draco?” you quiz.

“i’m going to show you something but you have to promise not to judge too quickly,” he stresses.

“i can’t just promise you—“ you stop yourself, taking away your defenses, “i won’t judge you draco. just get it over with.”

he lets out a deep sigh before lifting up his sleeve on his left arm, and you know what it is before he shows you.

a dark mark.

“draco, that’s kind of hard not to judge,” you affirm.

“i know. y/n, but i didn’t want it. he— he made me. my bloody father ruined everything. now i have to play as the dark lords' pawn. he’s asked me to do the unthinkable...” draco falters.

“what do you mean? what’s the unthinkable?”

the boy in front of you begins to look even more broken and hurt as he no doubt begins to think about whatever is troubling him.

“dumbledore. i have to kill him.” he says, tears pooling out of his grey eyes.

the confession causes you to step closer to the boy. you search his face for a lie, but come up empty-handed.

“you don’t have to, draco! you can go into hiding with me. we can go into the muggle world. do not do this, draco.” you plead.

“y/n you don’t understand. the dark lord will kill my mother if i don’t. she’s doesn’t deserve to die because of father’s mistakes or my cowardice. i have to do this. i just need one person to know that i never wanted to do it.” he tells you, desperately trying to wipe away his tears.

you can’t bring yourself to say anything, so instead, you wrap your arms around him. he’s still cold from the breeze outside and he shakes a little still from his confession. but you hold onto him and rub his back.

“i’m so sorry for everything. for third year, for this. i’m sorry y/n. i know you told me that i shouldn’t be worried about something that happened when we were kids, but i can’t help it. i never forgave myself.” he whispers into your ear.

“i know you’re sorry, draco.” you whisper back.

he pulls away from you and puts a hand on your cheek, “i was scared. you made me a good person and it scared me. and i loved you. salazar, did i love you.”

you furrow your eyebrows, “you loved me? back in third year?”

“so much. i never stopped really. i thought about telling you so many times over the past few years, but i could never work up the courage. then this happened and—” he sighs looking down at his mark, “well i thought i should tell you before everything happens.”

“i love you too. i hated not having you in my life.” you confess.

“i’ll never leave you again. i know it’s a lot to ask of you. i want you to tell me if you don’t want to be a part of this. you don’t have to put up with my fucked up life.” he expresses.

“i know you’re good, draco. i’ll make sure that after all of this is over, you’re not seen as something you’re not. when harry kills him and ends it all, i’ll be here. i want to be here for you, and i will.”

his eyes take in your words, watching your lips. the two of you are so close you can smell the deep and musky fragrance of his cologne. you feel the beat of his heart. his eyes bounce around from your mouth to you eyes, looking more asking each glance.

finally, you begin asking him the same question without the use of words. he doesn’t hesitate and connects his lips to yours. there’s electricity to the kiss. the motion causes your world to become brighter. you feel as though you’re opening up a part of your soul that hasn’t been touched in years, making you lean in deeper. the two of you are exploring parts of yourselves and each other, and before you can figure one thing out the kiss takes you to a new revelation.

the kiss starts to become even more hungry and intense. draco slips his free hand to the back of your neck, and you bring your hands to his soft hair desperately trying to pull him even closer. you feel your face get hotter and your stomach flutters more. draco’s lips are like the violent thunder you’d grown so accustomed to loving over the years. it makes you yearn for more, even though you know you have everything. you have every single fiber of the blonde boy. his soul is yours, and yours is his.

when the two of you pull away, nothing is said. you both silently come to the same conclusion, what you two share now makes up for what was lost.

“i’m so glad i never moved on from you.” he professes.

you smile a little at his wording, thinking back to the previous night. looking back in it now, you don’t understand why you’d ever lie to him.

“i never really wanted you to.” you say.

even though nothing is perfect and your situation had too many issues to write down, you and draco feel comfort and ease the both of you haven’t felt in a long time.

this time, you won’t let it escape you.

[one-boring-person]

Could you do a Maverick imagine where the reader is Viper’s daughter and there all having dinner together and Viper’s not too fond of the idea of them together?❤️

I would love to, thank you for requesting! I hope you like this!😊💛

That's Not Overprotective.

Pete "Maverick" Mitchell x reader

Warnings: none

Masterlist

Editing Help: @jawline-of-steel (Thanks bro!💛)

The sound of forks scraping on ceramic plates is near enough deafening in the tense silence, no one daring to interrupt It as we continue to eat, mouths moving slowly as we try to prolong the quiet, knowing that things will only get worse when we start talking again. Beside me, Pete sits stiffly, keeping his eyes trained on the plate in front of him, trying to ignore the deathly stare my father, our commander, is sending his way. From my own seat, I glare back at him, trying to get him to ease up on the protective father act, knowing that it is making things very difficult for the rest of us.

"Well, Pete, you say you are in the same class as (Y/n) here, who's your RIO?" My mother finally pipes up, coughing to break up the heavy silence.

"Oh, err, my RIO is Goo- sorry, Nick Bradshaw. His call sign is Goose." The pilot answers pleasantly, looking up at my mother with a smile, knowing that people often like it more when he does so.

"Oh, yes. How could I forget?" She laughs, clearly reminded of all the times I've spoken of them, "(Y/n) has told us a lot about the two of you."

"You have?" He lifts his eyebrows, turning to look at me in slight concern.

"Yes, all good, don't you worry." She reassures him, winking at me as I blush and look back down at my plate, fighting the redness rising to my cheeks.

"Yeah, it's interesting to find out what you guys actually do in your free time. Not as much studying as I would've thought." Viper cuts in, fixing Pete with a sharp stare again.

The two of us tense up again, exchanging a look as the silence falls on us again, my father's words cold and emotionless. For a few more minutes, we all continue to eat, Pete and I slightly more subdued than before, feeling like deer caught in the headlights. Eventually, Pete speaks up again, glancing back at my mother with another one of his charming smiles.

"The food is really good, Mrs Metcalf." He compliments her, sounding genuine.

"Oh, thank you, you're very kind." She laughs, smiling broadly from the positive feedback.

"It's the truth, this is some of the best I've ever eaten!"

"You are sweet, thank you, Pete." She flicks her eyes over to me, winking subtly.

I feel a small sense of relief, knowing now that he has won her over, though I am well aware of the fact that my father will be harder to convince.

"It'd be nice if you were this polite in class." Viper butts in again, shooting both of us a pointed look, "Instead of messing around."

"Dad, can we not do this now? You have all day to criticize us in class so can we at least have the evening off?" I finally interject, fed up with his jibes and snide comments.

"I'm not criticizing you, I'm pointing out a fact." He reasons, training his stern gaze on me, taking a sip of the beer in front of him.

"Then stop doing it, if that's what you want to call it, we never asked for it."

"You wanted my opinion, I'm expressing it. I don't see the problem." He clarifies, before suddenly standing from the table, "Excuse me."

Stepping away from his place, he goes out of the room, the door to the bathroom audibly closing down the hall as he enters it. With a sigh, my mother stands up, too, collecting in our now-empty plates with an uneasy smile, aware of the growing tension.

"I'll just go and get the dessert." She explains, leaving the room and going to the kitchen.

Pete waits for her to leave the room before turning to me, visibly relaxing.

"Your mum made dessert?" He questions, clearly surprised by her hospitality.

"Yep. She loves making full course meals, so you'd better get used to it." I grin, taking a drink from my glass of soda.

"I'm not complaining, her cooking is very good." He compliments again, smiling at me.

"That she is." I sit back in my chair, watching him, "I'm sorry about my dad, he can be a bit overprotective sometimes."

"That's not overprotective, that's just disapproving." The pilot laughs dryly, "I don't think he's too happy about you dating one of his students."

"I guess." I frown a little, upset at my father for being so judgemental.

Noticing this, Pete leans over and takes my hand in his, interlocking our fingers and squeezing gently, trying to reassure me.

"It's not going to put me off, don't worry." He says, quickly moving in to kiss my cheek, only to be intercepted by my lips as I turn my head and press them against his. We stay like that for a few minutes, just letting ourselves enjoy the moment, before pulling away again when we hear the bathroom door open again, signalling the approach of my dad as he returns.

The pilot keeps our hands locked together as Viper strides into the room, the commander taking his place at the table with a grunt of greeting, instantly noticing our contact and lifting an eyebrow.

"You afraid you might fly away there?" He comments, looking at us sternly.

"No, Dad, it's a sign of affection, something you've probably forgotten over the years." I retort before I can stop myself, my hand coming up to clap itself over my mouth, though it is too late.

"I beg your pardon, young lady? What did you just say to me?" The commander snaps at me, brow furrowing in anger.

"Nothing, Dad, I'm sorry." I rush out, quick to try and make amends, Pete holding my hand tighter to try and reassure me.

"Thank your lucky stars I didn't hear you, (Y/n), or you'd be in a lot more trouble." He bites out in response, stating me down as I look at my plate, embarrassment flooding me.

"Yes, Dad, I'm sorry." I bite my lip, annoyed that Pete was there to experience that.

We are silent again until my mother returns to the room with a tray of bowls, which she sets down on the table, handing each of us one with a spoon and fork, signalling that we should start. As we do so, we lapse back into the awkward tension, Pete and I shooting each other a look as we start to eat, thanking my mother for the food again.

My father continues to send us hostile looks over the table, clearly still unhappy with us as he angrily jabs at the food in his bowl, eating it quickly. As he finishes, he watches the rest of us eat up, sitting back in his chair as he sips his beer, brooding over something with himself.

"Excuse me, I'm just going to use the bathroom." Pete excuses himself, breaking the silence as he stands up and leaves the room. As soon as he has left, I round on my father.

"What is wrong with you? Why can't you just be polite?" I exclaim, annoyed at his behaviour.

"I don't know what you mean." Is all he says, acting innocent.

"Yes you do! Can you stop it, please? Or at least tell me why you're being hostile?"

"She has a point, Mike. Why are you being so tense?" My mother chimes in, fixing him with a stare of her own, though she is more curious than angry.

He is silent for a moment, chewing on his lip slightly as he considers how he should answer.

"I just, well, it's a hard concept for me to grasp, that my daughter is seeing one of my students. It's just wrong to me." Viper finally manages, though it is not satisfactory for me.

"It's wrong? How? How is it wrong?" I question him further, getting more and more annoyed by the minute.

"I don't have to explain myself, (Y/n). You wanted my opinion, and I have told you it. Surely that is enough for you?" He manages to keep his tone calm, though I can tell he is just as angered as I am.

I go to reply to him, only to be interrupted by the sound of Pete coming back into the room, the pilot still looking a little uneasy as he retakes his seat at the table.

I close my mouth, but continue to glower across the table at my father, knowing that Pete has figured out that something went on whilst he was out of the room. He shoots me a questioning look, but I only shake my head, non-verbally telling him that I will fill him in later, whenever later is.

At this rate, that won't be for some time.

[adhd-disaster-willie]

seventeen and strung out on confusion; chapter 2/4

So, I don’t really like this chapter as much as the other one but it’s fine. :/ I don’t have the patience to redo it, so this is what you get :)

Warnings: Homophobia, child abuse, non-graphic description of wounds, panic attacks

chapter 1

---

Alex didn’t quite know how long he’d been curled up on the sidewalk when a figure began approaching him; but he was shivering and crying and really not in the mood to be murdered. The person may not have been headed directly towards him, but they sure were biking fast in his direction and once again, being kicked out and killed on the same night didn’t sound like much fun. So, swearing underneath his breath, Alex stood up and began jogging away, still unsure of where he was headed.

The bike came barrelling towards Alex but came to a screeching halt immediately after passing him. 

“Alex?!” The person, who had a guitar strapped to their back, hopped off the bike and stumbled towards Alex.

“Luke?” Alex whispered, baffled. “What are you-” But he didn’t get to finish his sentence before Luke wrapped him in a hug, burying his face in Alex’s shoulder. Alex decided not to mention Luke’s damp, red cheeks. 

“Dude, what are you doing?” Luke asked, pulling away.

Alex snorted at that. “I could ask you the same thing.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and began rocking on his heels, counting down the seconds until Luke read him like he always does and Alex had to stop him from marching back up the block and yelling at the Mercers until his voice was hoarse.

“Your parents,” Luke muttered, his voice hardening, bitter. “They kicked you out didn’t they?” Luke didn’t get angry very often. Sure, he got upset and disappointed and frustrated, but he wasn’t one to get genuinely furious. He was now though. Alex grabbed his wrist and shook his head. 

“Yes, but Luke, please don’t.”

Luke narrowed his eyes, but backed off. “I’m gonna kill them,” He hissed beneath his breath.

“Not if you die from the cold. What are you even doing out here?”

Luke grew quiet, his gaze shifting to the ground. “Nothing, nothing I was just… I was headed to Bobby’s. The studio.”

Alex nodded, internally berating himself for not having thought of that. But he didn’t want to bother anyone. Staying in the studio for the night was entirely different from asking to live there. But he didn’t have much of a choice. 

Luke, somehow sensing Alex’s thoughts, sighed. “I’m gonna go grab your bike,”he said, giving Alex a quick hug before turning to walk up the sidewalk.

“Luke, you don’t have to-”

“Nah, I do. I’m not gonna make you go back there, and we sure as hell aren’t walking all the way to Bobby’s.”

“Fine. But you need to tell me what happened!” Alex shouted after him, but he was already far enough to pretend he hadn’t heard anything. 

---

Alex’s hands were practically numb after 10 minutes of biking, and his backpack felt like it had doubled in size. Not to mention the only light was people’s Christmas decorations and the occasional street light, and he’d only ever gone to Bobby’s in the day so he was relying about 80% on muscle memory. All in all, not a great situation. 

“Dude, why the fuck is Bobby’s house so far away?” Alex complained, adjusting his grip on his bike handles in hopes that it’d bring back some sort of feeling in his fingers. 

Luke shrugged. He’d been uncharacteristically quiet the whole ride and was yet to explain why he’d run off in the middle of the night, but Alex knew he’d open up in time… hopefully. If it had to be pried out of him, it would; but Luke was never one to keep secrets. At least Alex leaving in the middle of the night wouldn’t take much explanation, except to Bobby’s parents. No one had dared say it out loud, but for the whole year it’d felt like the seconds Alex had before being kicked out were just slowly running out. And this was the last straw. 

“Can we- can we stop for a minute?” Alex breathed, his legs burning. “I have like, no stamina.”

Luke chuckled weakly, coming to a slow stop. They leaned their bikes on the side of the curb before sitting down, feeling relieved that they recognized the area; it was just a few blocks from Reggie and roughly another 5 minutes to Bobby’s place. 

Alex let out a shaky breath. “It doesn’t even feel real,” he whispered, dropping his head and burying his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “God, they kicked me out.” It was finally settling in and Alex felt sick. “Dad wasn’t even there. It was- it was just Mom and she… She didn’t even seem sorry. She looked at me like I was nothing.” He choked down a sob. “Like I was never her son. I didn’t think she’d ever hate me, but look at where we are now.” Alex didn’t bother fighting the tears this time. His shoulders shook and he brought his knees up to his chest, breathing in slowly in hopes to prevent a panic attack. 

Luke moved in closer, wrapping an arm around Alex’s shoulder and squeezing. “Hey, it’ll be alright. We’ve got each other. And Bobby, and Reggie-”

“Luke, Alex?”

Both boys snapped to attention; they would’ve recognized that voice anywhere.

“Reg?” Luke stood up and took two long strides to meet Reggie, clasping his thin, hunched shoulders. “Shit. Reggie, dude.”

Alex wiped his eyes furiously as he walked over to where Reggie and Luke stood and he once again recognized the pure anger dripping from Luke’s words. Then Reggie moved closer to the streetlight and Alex’s heart plummeted to his feet. 

Reggie’s face was blotchy and pink and his eyes were swollen from crying. His hair was slightly damp and Alex felt sick upon seeing the shards of glass in it. There was dried blood on his cheek and Alex was afraid for him to take his jacket off, but Luke tore it off anyway, inspecting the bruises running up and down Reggie’s forearms and wrapped around his wrists.

Reggie squeaked in protest and snatched the jacket back, his hands shaking.

“They are dead,” Luke muttered coldly. He gestured to both Alex and Reggie. “I am going to actually kill both of your guys’ parents.”

Reggie looked over to Alex. “What did Alex’s parents…” He trailed off, face darkening in realization. 

“Where were you gonna go?” Alex asked quietly, his grip on his fannypack strap tightening. 

Reggie shrugged and went to sit down on the curb. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “But I can’t just leave forever. Sammy… I can’t leave him alone with them.” He shook his head. “I’d hate myself if I just left him there.”

“Olivia moved out last year and left you guys alone!” Luke countered, sitting beside Reggie. “Reg, dude, you can’t stay there!”

Reggie’s expression hardened in a way Alex had never seen. Reggie Peters was basically a human puppy and it seemed Alex had gotten all to used to that fact. “Yea but she knew we had each other, Luke. You don’t get it. Sammy’s just 13, I can’t just leave him. I can’t.” Reggie’s tone grew more hopeless at the last sentence, his lip quivering.

“Fine,” Luke grumbled. “But at least come with us tonight. We’re going to Bobby’s.”

“But what if-”

“No buts. You’re hurt and you smell like beer, we’re not gonna leave you out here.”

“But Sammy-”

“Sammy’ll be ok,” Alex cut in. He squeezed Reggie shoulder and gave a half-hearted smile. “He’s a tough kid.”

Reggie nodded. A quiet sob ripped through him and he buried his head in his knees, leaving damp spots on his jeans from his hair which would probably smell like alcohol for a week.

Alex lay an arm around Reggie’s shoulder and Luke chuckled. “Yea, group hug,” he whispered feebly, joining the embrace.

The temperature was rapidly dropping and Alex could feel Luke shivering and Reggie’s teeth chattering, his own feet growing numb in his shoes. But for just a split second, none of that mattered. He didn’t have to look to know that they were all crying and that Reggies hair was sticking to his cheek and Luke’s guitar case was digging into someone’s shoulder. They were a family. A stupid, dysfunctional, scarily codependent family, but still. It was something.

---

March, 1995

Despite protest, Bobby’s parents had started giving Alex and Luke monthly allowances; claiming that if they were gonna live there, they were family, not guests. Reggie refused to accept the money; he was still returning to his house at least two nights a week for fear that his parents would take their anger out on Sammy. But the money meant that Alex was finally able to get a new hoodie; one that wasn’t too tight around the shoulders and didn’t ride up every time he lifted his arms. It was nice, too. Sure it’d taken a couple months of allowance to buy, but it was soft and comfortable and his favorite shade of pink. 

“Alex,” Luke whined, drawing out the vowel like a small child begging for candy. “You can’t leave us like this!”

“Luke-”

“It’s betrayal! You- I thought you were our friend!”

“Stop being dramatic,” Alex replied, smacking Luke’s shoulder lightly. 

“Ow.”

“It’s one band practice. If I don’t retake this test, I’ll fail Algebra.”

“Algebra is a stupid subject anyway,” Luke pouted, kicking a rock angrily.

“Bobby’s mom got ice cream,” Alex said. “Now go.” He waved Luke off, smiling impatiently.

Luke trudged away from Alex’s locker and towards the exit, his head hung low. “You’re the worst,” He shouted before walking out of sight.

Alex sighed and chuckled lightly as he turned back to rifle through his locker in search of a pencil; he’d lost his favorite one in English earlier that day (more like Bobby stole it, but same difference). He didn’t like pens because the concept of not being able to fix mistakes was more daunting than it probably should be, and he refused to use any non-mechanical pencils (“Shut it Luke, I’m allowed to be picky about my pencils!”) because he hated having to sharpen them constantly and he had a bad habit of pressing down too hard and breaking the lead. So he couldn't find a damn pencil and Mr. Thomas had said he had to be in classroom by 4:30 if he wanted to retake the test but he couldn’t find a stupid pencil. Alex swallowed and breathed in shakily, glancing up at the clock which seemed to be moving too fast because there’s no way it was already 4:25. Logically, he could just ask Mr. Thomas if he could borrow a pencil, but he didn’t want to be a bother, and he knew there was a pencil somewhere in here. 

Alex cried out in frustration, slipping his backpack from his shoulders and unzipping the small front pocket which he’d reserved specifically for writing utensils. Nothing. Ok. Fine, he’d just borrow one. It isn’t that hard to ask to use a pencil. Right.

Halfway across the hallway, Alex heard snickering drifting from around the corner. He froze and gripped his backpack straps tighter. It was useless, willing himself to keep walking. Not when that laughing was sickeningly familiar. God, Alex hated football players. 

“Awe look he got a new jaaacket.” Someone -Alex refused to try and decipher who- cooed mockingly.

Alex didn’t turn around.

“Y’know when you stopped wearing the other one, we were really hoping your parents had finally beat some sense into you.”

Alex looked at the clock. 4:28. He willed himself to move forward, ignoring the twisting in his stomach. He played out the beat to Now or Never on his backpack straps. 

“Hey! We’re talking to you!”

Why was the hallway so long? Alex had begun to think it had doubled in size since he’d started walking. His hoodie felt too hot all of the sudden and he could practically feel someone breathing down the back of his neck. They were talking to him, but it was muffled, like he was underwater. He tried breathing in slowly. 4:29. His steps quickened. 

“F*g!” 

He couldn’t breathe. Alex couldn’t breathe and he felt like someone had stabbed him in the stomach and was twisting the knife over and over and over again. 4:30. Oh god. They were yelling at him and drawing closer and closer and now he’d missed his chance and was gonna fail algebra and they’d call his parents and then the school would know he’d been kicked out and-

Someone had hit him. He wished he could pinpoint where, but his entire body was numb and throbbing and everything was blurry. He wondered briefly if the shouting was in his head or out of it. And this might be where he could say he’d blacked out, but that wasn’t quite what had happened. He stumbled blindly across the rest of the hall, mostly on autopilot, unable to see through tears and why was he crying??? He never really fainted, but no matter how hard he tried, Alex couldn’t remember what’d happened next. 

---

“Alex!” 

That was Luke, Alex was sure of it. 

“ ‘Lex, come on.” 

Reggie shook Alex’s shoulder and his vision began to clear. Oh. 

“What, why am I in the studio?” He asked frantically. “How did I- my test!” He stood up and not bothering to figure out why he was dizzy, Alex rushed to the doorway. 

“Nope.” Bobby clasped his shoulder tightly and steered him back to the couch. “Sit down, idiot, you almost passed out.”

“Dude, who punched you?” Luke asked, scooting in closer to Alex and gazing furiously at the bruise on his face.

Alex shrugged. “I don’t- I’m not- it’s…”

“Mr. Thomas said you came into his classroom and tried to ask for the test but he wouldn’t let you since you’d just been beat up and then Bobby heard you in the room cause, cause he came up to the school to give you a ride so you didn’t have to walk-”

“Reggie slow down, you’re gonna give him another panic attack!” Luke scolded, swatting Reggie’s chest and shoving him lightly. 

Bobby sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Mr. Thomas is letting you retake the test next week, drink some water.” 

Alex took the glass gratefully and took a hesitant sip. He set the water down and breathed in, settling into the couch, still tense. “ ‘M sorry,” he muttered.

“Sorry? Dude what?” Luke looked at Alex, completely baffled. “What are you apologizing for?”

“I made you cancel practice so I could take my test but I didn’t even take it.”

“Don’t be stupid,” Reggie chided. “We’re not mad at you-”

“Yea it’s whatever asshat punched you that we’re mad at.”

“Bobby, we’re not killing anyone.”

“Yea please don’t get yourself arrested for me,” Alex laughed softly. 

Bobby shook his head and flopped down on the couch beside Reggie. “Fine.”

“Hey,” Luke shook Alex gently. “You want some chocolate? Reg got some of that fancy stuff-”

“No, I draw the line at giving him my chocolates,” Reggie complained, reaching across Alex to slap a hand over Luke’s mouth. “Ew! Dude, you licked me!” Reggie whined loudly as he shook his hand, pretending to gag. “That’s just low.”

“Shut up.”

“You shut up.”

“You’re both stupid.”

Alex let his head fall against the back of the couch, a small smile creeping onto his face.

---

I’m not great at angst, so I’m not quite sure why I thought I’d do well with this fic akhfkldsfh

please tell me if there’s anything else I should add a warning for, I tried to do everything but I could’ve overlooked something. 

chapter 3

chapter 4

[the-girl-in-the-box]

Not Today II

A/N: Hi! So, we’ve got a bit of exposition in this chapter, but I really wanted to explore Aethelind’s response to what has happened in Kattegat, and Ivar’s hand in it, as well as something of a refresher on the situation and a brief explanation to make this readable for anyone unfamiliar with Vikings! I hope this hasn’t made this chapter too boring, and that it will still be enjoyable even if it’s dealing with material we’re probably familiar with! We’ll be getting back to new territory with the next chapter, so until then- skål, and I’ll see you next week! (Taglist at the end!)

Summary: When Ivar takes the throne of Kattegat, Lagertha flees to Wessex along with Björn, Ubbe, Torvi, and the Bishop Heahmund. There, they seek the aid of King Alfred. This aid comes in the form of his sister, Aethelind, who agrees to travel to Kattegat and try to reason Ivar, who she spent some time with during their youth, when her grandfather King Ecbert hosted Ragnar Lothbrok in their castle. Now, she is the only hope for Lagertha and her supporters to retake Kattegat from Ivar the Boneless.

Masterlist

—

It hadn’t taken long for Aethelind to go and find the Vikings. She knew her brother would have questions, and if she wanted his support in supporting Lagertha, she was going to need answers for him. Answers that, truthfully, would only come from her Viking guests. Aethelind figured it would be smarter to get those answers before she saw her brother.

Lagertha, Björn, Ubbe, and Torvi were all congregated in Lagertha’s chambers, trying to make a plan concerning Kattegat, when there was a knock on the door. The four looked up, then to each other, sharing a suspicious glance amongst themselves as Lagertha called out, “Who is there?”

"It is Aethelind,” a gentle voice replied, and the Vikings shared a look of relief as Lagertha called for her to enter. It was true that they didn’t trust anyone there in Wessex very much, but watching the way Aethelind came into the room, the idea of trusting her- at least a little- became a bit more bearable. And really, did they have any other choice?

Aethelind offered each of them a warm smile. “I wanted to apologize for my brother,” she began. “He worries for our kingdom, but I believe there is no reason we cannot protect our people, and help our friends. So, I would like to formally welcome you back to the Kingdom of Wessex. It’s an honor to have you here.”

“You are very generous, Princess,” Lagertha replied politely, and stood to go and greet Aethelind properly. “And we are very grateful. You have already done more than we hoped you might.”

Aethelind shook her head, taking Lagertha’s hands in her own. “I cannot begin to imagine what you have been through,” she said. “I’m sure this is quite the least we can do to help, but I promise you, I will speak to my brother about doing more.”

Lagertha squeezed her hands slightly. “Thank you, Your Highness,” she said. “It is true, we have been through… very much, lately.”

“Would you be horribly affronted if I asked you to sort of… elaborate on this for me? Before today, the last I had heard of the sons of Ragnar was that they had killed my grandfather, King Aelle. But now…” She paused, and turned to Björn and Ubbe. “I have two of those sons as guests in my villa. I think it’s time I heard your story.”

Aethelind released Lagertha’s hands and gestured for her to sit once again, before seating herself between Björn and Ubbe. But neither man had the chance to explain before Torvi, Ubbe’s wife, was speaking up.

“You do not hate them for killing your grandfather?” the doe-eyed blonde asked Aethelind, looking across at the woman who had sat on Björn’s other side.

Aethelind’s eyes widened and she felt her cheeks darkening a bit as blood rushed into them at Torvi’s question. “He had a… predisposition to cruelty, and I knew he had killed Ragnar,” she managed. “I suppose I just… understood.”

“And… this had nothing to do with Ivar?” Ubbe asked. Aethelind’s cheeks reddened further, betraying the answer before she could even say anything. She found herself wishing he weren’t so perceptive. “He spoke of you when he returned, as I mentioned before. You must have been close to him.”

Aethelind sighed, and nodded a bit. “I… confess, I did hope my grandfather’s death might bring him some peace,” she admitted.

“Ivar has never had peace,” Björn said. “He is too violent a man for that.”

Aethelind’s brow creased thoughtfully for a few moments, before she shook her head. “He was not violent when I knew him,” she countered. “He was vastly intelligent, I could tell that much without even understanding so much as a word he said. We used to play chess, and we’d play together and beat my brother. But when my brother did win, he was never given to anger. He was always so gentle… How could such a sweet boy have become such a violent man?”

"He was always cruel,” Ubbe said. “Wickedly smart, but cruel all the same. It adds to his violence.”

The look on Aethelind’s face made Torvi’s chest ache, and she turned to whisper to Ubbe, “Let her breathe. This must be quite a shock to hear. We know he’s good at presenting himself however he chooses, and she didn’t exactly know him for very long. Give her a moment.”

Ubbe nodded, and soon all attention was on Aethelind, who took a deep breath and then looked up. “How did you come to be here, then?” she finally asked.

She had expected that Ubbe would be the one to explain, but he didn’t. Instead, it was Lagertha who spoke. “I killed the Queen, Aslaug,” she confessed. “Neither my son, nor any of hers, agreed with what I had done, but they all chose to respond to the change of power in very different ways. Björn, of course, stayed with me, but-”

“I joined Ivar in going to make an attempt on her life,” Ubbe suddenly broke in. “She had killed our mother, after luring myself and our brother, Sigurd, away to keep us from protecting her. Sigurd was unmoved by our mother’s death, but I only gave up on my pursuit of revenge because Björn asked that Ivar and I spare Lagertha.”

“I did not ‘ask’ you not to kill her,” Björn countered. “I told you, you would have to kill me if you wanted to kill my mother. You conceded then, Ivar did not.”

“And where was Ivar?” Aethelind asked. “I can’t imagine he would have just… let his mother be killed, not without at least trying to stop it.”

“He was still here in Wessex, or perhaps on his way home, when our mother was killed,” Ubbe answered her. “He returned with news of our father’s death, only to be given news of our mother’s.”

Aethelind swallowed hard, and asked, “So you, Ivar, and your brother Sigurd all lost both your parents in quick succession?”

"And Hvitserk,” Ubbe added. “Our other brother. He agreed with Sigurd, and took no action against Lagertha.”

Aethelind nodded, going over all the information she had in her head so far. So, Björn, Ubbe, Hvitserk, Sigurd, and Ivar were the sons of Ragnar. Björn was Lagertha’s son, and Ubbe, Hvitserk, Sigurd, and Ivar were Aslaug’s. When Lagertha killed Aslaug, Björn supported her (though he didn’t approve of the action), Hvitserk and Sigurd remained neutral, and Ubbe and Ivar attempted to avenge their mother. Ubbe, however, conceded, while Ivar wouldn’t. This was all very complicated, in her opinion.

With all this straightened out in her mind, Aethelind asked, “So where was Hvitserk, then, if not with Aslaug?”

“In the Mediterranean, with me,” Björn answered. “We all returned to find my mother was the Queen of Kattegat.”

“I see,” Aethelind replied. “And now? Where are he and Sigurd? And Torvi, where were you during all of this?”

An awkward silence fell over the Vikings, and they all looked to each other. Eventually, Torvi told Aethelind, “I was with Lagertha. I am her right hand.”

Aethelind nodded, but the awkwardness had not yet gone away. “And… Sigurd?” she prompted. A feeling of dread settled in her stomach.

“Sigurd is dead,” Ubbe finally answered.

And so, her suspicions were correct. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she said gently. “Did… did he die in this war?”

Ubbe sighed and shook his head. “He provoked Ivar at a feast,” he said. “And Ivar threw an axe. It killed him almost immediately. A few steps, and then…” He gestured in a way as to show someone falling over. “He was dead.”

Aethelind swallowed hard, and let her eyes slip shut. “Good Lord,” she whispered, before her eyes opened again. “I’m so sorry to hear this. I can’t even begin to imagine…”

“We really fell apart then,” Ubbe said. “Hvitserk chose to stay with Ivar in York, and we didn’t see either of them again until they came for Kattegat.”

"We won that battle,” Lagertha interjected then, and Aethelind found her attention being pulled to the woman. “At great cost, but we won.” She paused, taking a deep breath. “And then Ivar joined forces with King Harald Finehair, and Rollo, his uncle, who brought him Frankish support.”

“And… they won,” Aethelind surmised, her voice soft. “Is that when you came here?”

Lagertha nodded, looking to the ground, and Björn put a hand on her back. “Rollo helped us escape Kattegat,” she told Aethelind. “And Heahmund brought us here.”

“I’m glad he did,” Aethelind said definitively. “You’re all safe, now, I can assure you of this. And I will be talking to Alfred. What happened to you… It was wrong. Alfred and I will come up with a plan to help you return home, I’m sure of it. You deserve no less.”

None of the Vikings had expected this response from the Princess. They’d figured out that once, she and Ivar had been close. Or, close enough, at least. Close enough she’d seen fit to quickly ask after him, once realizing the relation, and close enough that Ivar had spoken of her. So to hear her speak in opposition of him…

“What about Ivar?” Torvi asked. Somehow, she couldn’t quite wrap her head around what might could even be called a betrayal of the Boneless King.

Aethelind sighed sadly, and shrugged, shooting a weak smile to Torvi. “I don’t believe he is the same boy I once knew. Whatever happened once he left here… That boy is gone. Isn’t he?”

Ubbe shifted at her question, drawing the room’s attention to him as he leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees, and drew his brows together thoughtfully. “I don’t know,” he eventually confessed. “But if he is not… He is buried beneath years of anger, and pain, and hatred. I have not seen the boy he once was before our father died, and I doubt he will show that side again. I hope something will bring that boy back, I just…” He finally sat up a little, looking to Aethelind. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

Aethelind nodded, swallowing. She turned back to Torvi and asked, “Then what about Ivar? He has changed beyond recognition. My heart aches for the loss of him, but my mind knows I must move forward. No, it isn’t the easiest thing to do. I will mourn the boy I knew. But this new Ivar sounds so different… I’m not even sure I can see him as the same person. And in the end…” She chuckles softly and shrugged. “I only knew him for a few days years ago, anyhow.”

The group chuckled a bit. “You say all this now,” Björn commented. “But you have not faced him yet. It is easy to have such little concern until you are confronted with the issue. We will see if you still feel so unworried about Ivar then.”

Aethelind felt a weight settle in her chest. Björn was right, and she knew it. All this talk was all well and good, but looking in Ivar’s eyes… Would she be ready to stand against him still?

She wasn’t sure she had the answer.

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius, @wilhelmyna, @katfett, @fangirl-nonsense, @zuzus-sun, @heavenly1927

If you want to be added to the taglist, feel free to reach out either by commenting, reblogging, DMing me, or sending an ask, and I’ll be more than happy to add you! 

[fallen420]

Rebel Spy - Chapter 12: The Trio

After all the chaos that happened with the ice planet, the frog lady, the baby eating her eggs, landing the practically destroyed crest, reuniting the frog lady with her husband, we finally seem to catch a break. These Quarrens know where other Mandalorians are and agreed to take us to them on their boat.

The baby's pod floats in between me and Din as we look out onto the ocean breathing in the salty air.

“You ever see a mamacore eat?” A Quarren says to us, “Quite a sight.” When neither of us responds the Quarren speaks again,” Child might take an interest. You should take a look. Come on over here.”

We follow the Quarren to the middle of the ship where there's a huge hole covered by a cage. We stand at the edge of it and we watch as the Quarren open the cage and drop fish inside. The Quarren is talking some more but I don’t listen.

I watch as the water begins to bubble and before either of us can react the Quarren pushed the baby's pod into the water right above the mamacore.

“No!” Din and I yell at the same time. Next thing I know I’m also being pushed in.

I hold my breath as I try to look around but it's no use in the murky water. I hear a splash and I know it's Din jumping in after us.

Din and I swim up to the top, grabbing onto the bars, coughing as we attempt to catch our breaths. The Quarrens above us hit our hands making us let go of the bars.

I take a deep breath and I sink back down once more. Din seems to be having more trouble than me as he goes back up for air sooner.

Once the burning in my lungs becomes too much I go back up with Din just in time to see a blue Mandalorian land and attack the Quarrens. Din continues to cough as we see two more Mandalorians land helping the first one.

I only get a glimpse of the first ones helmet but I immediately remember that day the first and only time I ever met her before today.

The cage opens again and I grab onto the edge holding myself up. Bo kneels down in front of the water and puts her hand out in front of me. I shake my head, “Him first.” She puts her hand out in front of Din and he takes it, “Theres a creature,” I say through ragged breaths, “Has my kid.”

As one Mandalorian helps me out the other jumps in to get the kid. Bo sits Din and the Mandalorian sits me next to him. “The Child help the child,” Din begs Bo, his voice strained from all the coughing.

“Don’t worry brother. We’ve got this.”

Din places a hand on my thigh and squeezes as we both try to catch our breaths.

After a few agonizing moments, the Mandalorian jumps out with the pod in her hands. She kneels down next to us and rips off the lid of his pod.

She takes him out and hands him to me. I make sure he's alright and I hold him close to my side. Din reaches over to brush his ear before looking back at the Mandalorians, “Thank you. I’ve been searching for more of our kind.”

“Well, lucky we found you first,” Bo says.

“We’ve been quested to deliver this child I was hoping that…” Din stops speaking when they take off their helmets

Oh no

Din stands up getting in defensive mode, “Where did you get that armor?”

“This armor has been in my family for three generations.”

“You do not cover your face. You are not Mandalorian.”

“Mando,” I say, stepping closer to him, “This is Bo-Katan, she was the leader of Mandalore. Last I knew of at least.” I know he's wondering how I know her but he decides to ask later.

“He's one of them,” the man says

“One of what?” Din asks.

“She's right, I’m of clan Kryze. I was born in Mandalore. I fought in the Purge. I am the last of my line. And you are a Child of the Watch.”

“The Watch?”

“Children of the Watch are a cult of religious zealots that broke away from Mandalorian society/ Their goal was to re-establish the ancient way.”

“There is only one way. The way of the Mandalore.”

Din walks over to the edge of the boat before I follow I whisper, “I’m sorry,” to Bo.

Din grabs on to me tightly, he turns on the jetpack, and we fly away.

-

“What do you mean it makes sense?!” Din practically runs ahead of me with the baby in his hands. We walk through the doc trying to get back to our ship. It's dark and both of us are very irritable after the past few horrible days we’ve been having.

“I mean it makes sense.”

“Would you care to explain?” he stops walking and turns around.

“I told you I knew another Mandalorian for some time. She had her helmet off most of the time. When I met you I figured you had older views.” He just huffs and turns around, “Just because your way is different than theirs doesn’t make you or them any less of a Mandalorian.”

“How is it that you know everybody?” He decides to take this argument in a different direction.

“You meet a lot of important people when you fight in a rebellion,” but that answer isn't good enough for him, “Look for a while I hung out with a crew and we went on a mission to save one of the members' fathers. Bo came in as reinforcements that's all.”

He turns around and keeps walking, “Look I can’t imagine what it's to know that something you’ve been told your entire life is not the complete truth. I’ll never know. But aren't you slightly open to the idea that there's another way?”

If he was planning on responding he doesn’t get to because Quarren comes out of the dark corner. “Hey!”

“Oh come on,” I whisper angrily at the fact that we have to deal with yet another problem.

The Quarren steps closer to us, “You killed my brother.” More Quarrens come out of the darkness.

“Let us pass,” Din says.

“I don't think you understand.” Din and I both notice the Quarren charging their weapons, “You killed my brother. And now I’m going to kill your pet.” My hand hovers above my blaster as he gets closer to us.

Luckily, Bo and the others come down to help us.

“They didn’t kill your brother,” Bo says, “I did.” Bo shoots and we all take that as a queue to shot the rest. Which we do. In just a few seconds all the Quarren are dead.

“Can we at least buy you a drink?” Bo asks.

“Please.” Is all I say before walking towards the nearest Cantina.

-

“Trask is a black market port,” Bo says. We all sit around at a table. The baby sits in between me and Bo. Dins hand finds my thigh again probably his way of apologizing for snapping at me earlier. “They’re staging weapons that have been bought and sold with the plunders of our planet. We’re seizing those weapons and using them to retake our homeworld. Once we do that we’ll seat a new Mandalore on the throne.”

“That planet is cursed. Anyone who goes there dies. Once the Empire knew they couldn’t control it, they made sure no one else could either.”

“Don’t believe everything you hear. They wanna separate us. Mandalorians are stronger together.”

“That's not apart of our plan. I’ve been requested to take this child to the Jedi.”

“What do you know of the Jedi?”

“Nothing. Only what Auroras told me.”

“We were also hoping you could help,” I say, “I lost all contact with the ones I knew.”

“I can lead you to one of their kind, but first we need your help on our mission.”

Why is there always a mission?

-

“You see that Imperial Gozanti freighter?” Bo asks us. We stand on a broken ship in a junkyard of some type, looking at the freighter that is sitting on a doc, “It's being loaded with weapons as we speak. “According to the ports manifest, its scheduled to depart at first light.”

They explain how they scan for life forms before taking off which means that we have to fly up there once it takes off.

After discussing the plan Din and I drop the kid off with the frog lady where he will be safe. Both of us make sure to tell him not to eat any more of her eggs.

-

Before Din and I can even land, Bo and Koska take out the stormtroopers guarding the doors to the ship.

Axe uses a splicer to open the door. When it opens Bo runs inside killing the three stormtroopers that were waiting for us. The rest of us follow in behind her. Din and I stay further back and I’m slightly behind him since I don’t have beskar protecting me.

In front of us, doors open revealing more stormtroopers. We use the sides to take cover. Each of us shoots at the troopers as we slowly inch forward.

Lucky for us troopers have bad aim and we don’t so we take them out easily. We walk over the troopers' bodies and we carry on onto the next room.

We take an elevator into the cargo bay where the weapons are. Again we are met by stormtroopers. We take out the troopers in the hall but before we can enter the cargo bay the doors closed.

Without saying anything I walk over to the panels in front of us. I press a few buttons and the screaming confirms that the doors to the cargo bay opened making all the imps in there fly out.

I close the doors and I open the ones in front of us so we can get the weapons.

The Mandalorians start opening the boxes and admire all the weapons.

Bo talks on the comlink to one of the imperial officers "Oh, We’re not jettisoning anything. We’re taking the entire ship.”

“Huh?” I say in confusion.

“What?” Din also questions.

“Put some tea on we’ll be up in a minute,” She puts the comlink down and Din and I walk up to her.

“Bo, this is more than we signed up for,” I tell her.

“There is something I need to rule Mandalore. Something that was once mine. You were there when I first go it, Aurora.”

“You lost the darksaber?”

“I was stolen from me,” she says defensively, “Look they know where it is. Regardless, we are taking the ship for the battles ahead.

“I got you your weapons,” Din says, “We have to return to our ship with the foundling.”

“If you want my help finding the Jedi, you will help me take this ship.”

“You’re changing the terms of the deal.”

“This is the way,” she says almost mockingly.

She walks out and the other two follow leaving me and Din alone.

“The faster we do this, the sooner we can be back on the crest with the kid.” He just nods his head before following the others.

We start to make our way towards the front of the ship where the cockpit is. The ship moves suddenly and we all fall to the sides. Din grabs my hand as we hold on to the walls. The pilot is taking the ship down to try and get us off of here.

“Let's move!” Bo says. Din lets go of my hands and we both pull out our blasters, “There’s the bridge. Come on!”

There are more stormtroopers waiting for us and we take cover on either side of the doors.

“How many troopers?” Bo asks.

“Sit to ten. Two with heavy repeating blasters,” Axe answers her.

“We need to move now.”

“They have too much firepower!”

“Were still dropping,” Koska reminds us.

Din puts his hand in mine and he squeezes which means he's about to do something stupid. He lets go and he takes two charges out of his utility belt, “Be careful.” I tell him and he nods.

“Cover me!” Is all he says before running out into the trooper's blasts. All of the blasts bounce off his armor. I see him lay down before throwing the chargers where the stormtroopers stand.

I cover my face as fire and smoke begin to fill the area. Once it clears we run out and Din is already standing up, running towards the cockpit not giving me the chance to even ask if he's okay.

We open the door to the cockpit. Din grabs the pilot and throws him out of the chair. Din sits on the pilot's seat while I sit in the co-pilots.

We both grab on to the control wheels in front of us. Both of us pull up trying our hardest to stop this ship from plummeting into the ocean.

“Easy, easy,” Din says his voice strained from using all his strength to get this ship up

After a few moments of pulling up, we feel the ship start to go up in the air again. We both let go and start to catch our breaths.

“No!” Bo yells and as we turn around the imperial officer is on the ground.

“Look we have to go, he sent a distress signal,” I tell her.

Din and I stand up and Koska takes his spot.

“Are you sure you won’t join us?” Bo asks.

“There’s something I need to do,” Din says.

“The offer stands if you change your mind.”

“Where can we find the Jedi?” I ask her.

“Take the foundling to the city of Calodan on the forest plant of Corvus. There you will find Ahsoka Tano. Tell her you were sent by Bo-Katan. And thank you. The both of you. Your bravery will not be forgotten. This is the way.”

“This is the way,” Din repeats.

-

We get the kid back from the frog lady and her husband. We finally sit on the falling apart razor crest the kid seated in my lab as Din starts the ship.

Once he gets the ship in the air I ask, “Are you good?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he doesn’t turn around to face me like he normally would.

“I mean with everything Bo said. Don't you wanna talk about it?”

“There's nothing to talk about Aurora.”

“Right, it’s always nothing isn’t it.”

[rogue-durin-16]

THE FLOWER IN THE FORGE (part I/II)

Request: Thorin x fem human! reader please where they meet in Ered Luin during Thorin’s blacksmith days, she bonded with the rest of the Durins too especially Dis, so just cute & stuff until finally Thorin has to leave to reclaim Erebor, maybe a bit of an angsty bittersweet ending because the reader is not interested in being a queen

Pairing: Thorin Oakenshield x human!Reader

Genre: mostly fluff

Tags:

Requested by: @queenofmankind

Permanent taglist: @queenofmankind @randomparanoid

Warnings: none really

A/N: this is my first fanfic of the Hobbit so it might be a bit meh but I need practice so forgive me plz. Also for those who don't know, English is not my mother tongue so I have to get used to this. Now enjoy <3

Part II

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

Selling flowers in the town's market might not have been the most profitable business, but it was a beautiful one.

Each morning, I would leave my lowly home and walk all the way through the town square to the stall where colorful bouquets and delicate flower crowns were already waiting for me.

Though one day, as I made my way to my working place as always, I heard unusual metallic bang. Then another, and another, and another, it was almost rhythmic.

Out of curiosity I strayed from my path in order to discover what that sound was. It was early in the morning, not many places were open.

I gradually slowed down when I saw a raven-haired dwarf forging a sword at the end of the street, in what I thought was an abandoned blacksmith's shop.

I guessed it was no longer abandoned.

The dwarf looked up and his icy eyes fixed on mines with such an intensity that made me look away, almost ashamed of having stared at him for too long.

Just as I was about to make my way up the street again and retake my usual path, a deep, loud voice spoke. "Good morning."

I turned to meet his eyes once more. This time somehow they looked less intimidating than a couple of seconds before. "Good morning to you." I replied with a timid smile. "I apologize, I did not mean to stare."

"Do not apologize, m'lady." He responded leaving his hammer resting on the wooden table. "I understand it may be rare to see... Well, a-"

"Blacksmith in town." I finished his sentence with my words before he could finish with his. "We lacked from one for so long, I doubt I have ever listened to the hammering of the forge before." we stayed in silence for an instant before I spoke again. "May I know your name?"

"Only if I know yours."

"Y/n Y/l/n." I replied with a smile.

"Thorin Oakenshield." he presented himself, with a subtle bow of his head. "At your service."

"I will leave you now to your task, Thorin. I too have a job I must attend." I turned around once more while I waved goodbye at the handsome dwarf.

"Farewell, Y/n." as I got farther from him, I started hearing the hits of the hammer against the metal sword once more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

What am I doing, I asked myself as I made my way to the blacksmith's with a portion of food I had bought in the market.

"Hey." Thorin looked up at me and almost instantly a half smile appeared on his lips. "happy to see me again?"

"Very." he replied, stopping his work. "I thought I might have scared you yesterday."

"Oh, you did." I spoke the truth, sitting on a free bench besides him. "But you have a pretty smile." he seemed shocked at my words, almost confused. "I brought you some food." I handed him the portion and he left the table he was working over to stand in front of me. "it occurred to me that you may be hungry."

"That's very thoughtful of you." Thorin sat besides and started eating. "but you don't have to look for excuses to come and see me." I widened my eyes and he let out a chuckle. "I was joking."

"I'm not paying you to court a human, dwarf! Work!" I burrowed my brows at the poor treatment, and, even though I could feel Thorin’s anger, he obliged and, after getting up, he gripped the hammer and the sword with such strength that his knuckles went white.

"I did not mean to distract you." He simply shook his head, dismissing me without any kind of eye contact. I could tell he was angry. "I'll leave you to it now." I smiled at him, though he wasn't looking, and I stood up and walked out.

Since he was now behind me, I couldn't acknowledge the way his eyes lingered on me; the longing they held.

"Y/n! Long time no see, kid." the bartender who worked in the same street as Thorin called my name. "What are you doing down here?"

"I came to see Thorin."

"Thorin?"

"The blacksmith." I detailed.

His face fell and a frown installed in his face. "That dwarf? What are your business with him?" before I could give a confused question for an answer, he spoke again. "Be careful, lass. Dwarves are not ones to trust."

"Uh... Sure."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day was close to the end when a pair of young dwarves appeared in my street, seemingly confused. "Excuse me, lady- Oh those are pretty." the dark-haired one spoke, visibly losing his trail of thoughts when his eyes got caught in the flower crowns.

"Kíli, focus." the blond one urged the other, nudging him. "Lady may I ask which way must we go in order to reach the blacksmith's shop?"

"You should walk to the end of this street, then take a left turn and go up, when you reach the square-"

"Could you guide us there?" The blond dwarf begged. "We have been lost for a couple of hours now."

"If you give me a moment, I will." I responded. I was going to leave soon anyway.

"Fíli, we should buy one of this crowns for mom." the brunet suggested, completely ignoring his brother distress. "She will love it."

With a sigh, Fíli took a look at the crown his brother was pointing at. "How much for this one, lady?"

Once they paid, I handed the crown to the brunet and closed the stall. "Alright lads, follow me." I guided them both all the way to the blacksmith's. I didn't need to ask if they knew Thorin, that was an obvious answer, though it was confirmed when, after hearing the noise both dwarves were causing behind me, he looked up with what I could tell was a scolding glare.

It softened considerably when his gaze was met with mine instead of with either of theirs.

"Y/n." A smile made its way to my face at the way my name rolled out of his tongue, which triggered a confident smirk on his. "I see you found my troublesome nephews." I let out a laugh, turning to meet two pair of curious eyes already staring at me. "Did they cause you any problems?"

"Not at all," I assured, taking a few steps more to reach the place where he was working. "they just could not find their way to here and requested my services as a guide."

"That was very kind of you," Thorin pointed out, his eyes fixed on mines with some kind of warmth "though I am not sure if I should thank you for bringing them to me." he then turned to both dwarves. "You should be at home."

"We came to keep your company." The blond one assured to his uncle.

"I do not need company." he sternly replied, to which the dark-haired one responded with a quiet murmur, causing his brother to nudge him scoldingly.

"What was it?" I questioned, curious, as I took a seat on a wooden stool near the forge.

"Nothing m'lady." the blond lied with an apologetic look.

"Kíli." Thorin called with tremendous authority in his voice. "What was it."

Kíli's lips formed a knowing, mischievous smile before any word left his mouth. "I said that we sure are poor company compared to the beautiful lady besides you, uncle." his brother pinched the bridge of his nose and I felt my cheeks burning.

"You are not wrong," Thorin replied with calmness and confidence in his voice. "Y/n is much better company than a couple of problematic dwarves." my cheeks only got redder, and though he was not looking at me, by the ghost of a smile in his gaze I could tell he somehow had noticed. "Now go home, it's late."

"Aren't you coming with us?" Fíli asked.

"I have too much work left to do." I was in that moment going to leave the blacksmith's to go home, but then I heard his words. "I'll spend the night here. Tell my sister not to worry." his nephews nodded and left us alone. "You should go home too." he commented, undoing the laces of his shirt after rekindling the fire.

"What did you mean with spending the night here?" I inquired, loosening my own laces.

It was way too hot in there.

"By the time I finish, it will be too late to go all the way back." he explained already back to the making of another sword.

"You can stay in my house." I suggested without giving a second thought to my words. "It's... Not much but there's enough room."

"You are too kind." he whispered, submerging the sword into water to cool it down. "It is alright, won't be the first time I do not have a bed to rest," he left the sword aside and proceeded to take off his shirt. "and it should won't be the last."

I didn't quite process the fact that he was shirtless until he started edging the sword, which made his muscles tense. His skin glistened with the sweat that the blacksmith's caused; his long raven hair fell in cascade partially covering his shoulders—

"Seems to me you like what you see." I was staring. Again. "It's alright." he assured with that that smug grin in his face. "You really should go home."

"I'll help you." I stated, using a lace on my wrist to tie up my hair. Once again I missed the way Thorin’s eyes fixed on my while I secured the hair; the way his jaw slightly dropped when, with my hair up, he was able to see my back. "That way you will finish earlier and we will go home together."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

THORIN'S P. O. V.

It was late night when I finally closed the blacksmith's shop and we went to Y/n's home.

We walked in silence —a comfortable one.

"Do you need a change of clothes?" she questioned, making her way to what I supposed was her bedchamber. "There's probably something in the chest."

"It won't be necessary." I spoke, sitting down to take off my boots. I looked up for an instant, and found Y/n's door not closed enough to shield her half naked body from me. I rapidly averted my eyes and turned around.

"If you change... your mind..." I could feel her gaze on my back as I took off both my shirts, so I looked over my shoulder to meet her eyes. "You can grab one." with a smile, she opened her bedchamber's door and motioned me to pass. "The bed is big enough so don't you dare to argue." she warned me, lying down under the blankets. "I'm tired."

"No wonder why," I listened to her, lying besides her over the bedding. "It was a long day." she hummed in response and, when I turned to her, she had her eyes closed already.

Ethereal was the only valid word to describe her. Damn my height, damn my race, damn my—

"like what you see?" she teased with a grin, her eyes still closed.

"I do." was I too forward? I had met her barely a week ago. Maybe her words and actions where misleading me, she was one of kind nature.

Her eyes opened and she stared into mines. "Do you?" I rolled to my side and gave her a discreet nod.

Before I could move towards her in order to test the waters, her lips where on mines, though as fast as they came, they left to be hidden behind the blankets.

"I apologize." she mumbled.

To which I replied, "Do not." I moved my hand to move the blanket away from her face so I could return the kiss to her.

[kuiinncedes]

HI JEANNE I AM SO GLAD UR DOING PROMPTS!!! can i prompt general #24 for quinntina with some kuinn friendship maybe pls???? 🥺🥺💞💗💞💗💞💗💞💗

hi rae thanks for prompting!!! <333

General 24 “I haven’t seen (her/him/them) smile in months.”

this got longggg 2796 ish words 👀 (i edited it after pasting into tumblr tho so idk exactly :P) i think this is the longest thing i’ve posted?? i hope it doesn’t suck <3

(also small mention of homophobic parent(s) (mostly quinn’s mom) and just not great parenting... also blood and death mention warning (but like just in conversation?))

i’m like weirdly nervous about this one sdlhgkjf *screams and hits post*

--

“What’s wrong with Tina?”

Kurt gives Quinn a sideways look, fixing his hair in the mirror on his locker. “Tina Cohen Chang? Why are you asking about her?”

Quinn shrugs, trying to play innocent and nonchalant. “I haven’t seen her smile in months.” Because since the beginning of the year, Tina always smiled at her as she walked into their first class and the only one they share, but now she doesn’t, if she even comes to class on time at all.

Kurt looks at her knowingly and Quinn pushes his arm lightly. “Shut up,” she grumbles. “I’m serious.”

“I’ve noticed it, too,” Kurt says after a moment, following Quinn’s gaze to Tina arriving at her locker. They watch as she hurriedly puts some books in her bag and quickly walks off again, head down and giving a wide berth to everyone she passes. 

“Yeah, and that,” Quinn says, “it’s like she’s… scared or something.” She looks at Kurt whose jaw has tightened. Quinn squeezes his arm lightly and he smiles a little at her. 

“I can ask Mercedes,” he says reluctantly as he shuts his locker and they start walking down the hall. “She’d know more than me, but… yeah, I don’t think she’s even been in glee lately.”

Quinn’s barely paying attention and almost runs into another student before Kurt pulls her out of the way. “You know, it’s a little creepy that you noticed this at all,” he teases, a glimmer in his eye, and Quinn elbows him and follows him into their next class.

-

Mercedes doesn’t give them any new information, and then Quinn -- Quinn wants to forget about it, but she can’t. She keeps stealing glances at Tina in the halls, during class, at lunch. She knows Kurt’s right, that it is a little creepy, but… 

They’ve been around each other’s circles since the beginning of high school, and a friendly wave from Tina one morning was the only thing keeping Quinn feeling normal when the least normal thing possible had happened to her the night before. She didn’t have Kurt yet, she barely had any friends because of her work to uphold her status as the ice-cold head Cheerio. Tina was kind to her when she was spiraling after her world had turned upside down and no one was around to support her, to turn it back around. 

So she just wants to know if Tina’s okay. Because of that. No other reason.

-

Quinn gets her chance a week later. 

She doesn’t expect to see Tina today -- she isn’t in English and hadn’t been for a few days. Quinn tries to ignore her growing concern; after all, she still doesn’t actually know anything about Tina’s life.

When Mrs. Harrison splits them off into groups of two for a new project, Quinn is last to pick her partner and everyone else has already paired off.

“Tina’s absent today, I’ll work with her,” Quinn says airily, playing with the end of her ponytail and tapping her pencil on the desk. She acts like she doesn’t care (why would Quinn Fabray have any reaction to getting paired with a relative social nobody for a project?) but part of her is… looking forward to it. Not only because of her persisting concern about what’s going on with Tina, but also because she does genuinely want to spend time with her. So maybe this is her chance.

She tells Kurt about it at his locker between classes and he rolls his eyes and smiles fondly at her. 

It’s the end of the day when Quinn realizes she doesn’t actually have Tina’s number to contact her; it’s too late to ask Kurt or Cedes, she stayed after school to retake a math test and she’s the only one here, as far as she knows.

Except she’s not. There’s another car in the student lot. Quinn glances at it and stops when she realizes someone is sitting in the driver’s seat -- Tina. Before she can talk herself out of it, Quinn walks over and taps on her window. 

Maybe she should’ve talked herself out of it, she thinks as Tina jumps and seems to steel herself before rolling down her window. Quinn smiles a little, apologetically. A wave of warm air comes from inside the car, like Tina’s been blasting the heat even in the relatively warm spring weather.

“Um, hey,” Quinn says awkwardly. “So… you weren’t in English today, but we’re doing a project and you and I are partners.” Her voice goes up at the end as if it’s a question. She’s really doubting this now. Tina looks like she’s sick and she’s gripping the steering wheel and not meeting Quinn’s eyes. “Or…” Quinn clears her throat slightly, putting her head Cheerio, most popular girl in school mask back on. “It’s fine if you don’t. Just tell Mrs. Harrison. I’ll do it myself.”

“No,” Tina says, looking up at her finally, and Quinn thinks there’s something different about her eye color. Her smile is tight and forced. “Sounds good.”

Quinn raises an eyebrow. “You sure? Doesn’t sound like it sounds good.”

Tina clenches her jaw. “Yeah, it’s good, sorry, I’m just tired,” she says in one breath. “Here, I’ll, um -- ” She fumbles with her phone and offers it to Quinn. “Put your number in, I’ll text you.”

Quinn’s fingers brush Tina’s when she takes the phone and she almost jumps at how cold her skin is, despite the warmth emanating from the car. Even Kurt, who runs cold, isn’t nearly this cold to Quinn’s own unnaturally warm body temperature…. Her concern grows and she watches Tina for another moment, who’s closed her eyes and leaned back in her seat. 

“Are you… okay?” Quinn asks hesitantly.

“I’m fine.” 

“Forgive me for saying this? But you… don’t look fine.”

Tina gives her a sideways look. “Yeah, well.” She closes her eyes again.

Quinn enters her number but doesn’t give Tina’s phone back when she’s done. “Hey, seriously, I -- what’s wrong?”

Tina just exhales defeatedly. “I can’t tell you.” 

“Try me.”

She shakes her head.

“Your skin is fucking freezing, you have the heat on high in the car in almost 70-degree weather, you look different and not in a good way. I know -- I know we don’t talk much, Tina, but please, let me help you.” Quinn even surprises herself with the last part. It’s far from the hard facade she hides behind at school in her Cheerios uniform, even though she’s still wearing that right now. 

Tina stays still and silent and Quinn fidgets with her phone. 

“I really don’t know what to do here,” Tina says softly, opening her eyes, glancing at Quinn again then back away. “I literally… have no. Fucking. Clue.” It sounds like she’s talking to herself more than anything and Quinn isn’t sure how to respond.

“Well, I… whatever I can do -- ”

“Have you ever had something… absolutely, absolutely insane happen to you? Like… you would never believe it yourself but it happened to you and you have to fucking deal with it so you have to believe it.” Tina’s breaths come more quickly as she continues, her fists curling tighter around the steering wheel. “And I don’t know how to fucking deal with it, but I fucking have to because -- because I have to and I’m this thing now -- ”

“Hey, Tina, hey, breathe,” Quinn says hurriedly, trying to put a hand on her shoulder but the angle from outside the car window is awkward and she doesn’t know if it would be appreciated. Her mind spins with those words -- you have to believe it, I’m this thing now -- and it’s scarily similar to Quinn’s own thoughts when she first… turned, over three years ago.

But Tina can’t be a werewolf too, her skin… Quinn thinks. Thankfully Tina’s breathing has mostly gone back to normal and she just looks exhausted again, her forehead resting on the steering wheel and hands loose in her lap now. What the fuck. What the fuck am I about to do.

Despite all her instincts and rationale screaming at her not to do it, Quinn says shakily, “I think I get it,” and when Tina turns to look at her, she inhales and says in a whisper, so quiet she’s not sure if Tina can hear, “I’m a werewolf.”

Tina stares and Quinn starts thinking and thinking about how she can take it back, it was a joke, there’s obviously no such thing as werewolves, what the fuck was she saying, what was she thinking revealing this to a near stranger --

“I think… I think I’m technically a vampire.” 

Oh. Quinn stares back at her.

Some of the tension seems to have gone out of Tina’s body. There’s another silence. “Can I trust you?” Tina asks quietly.

“What -- ? I mean, yeah…” Quinn swallows. “Yes, you can. Of course. I think if there’s one person you could trust with this, it’s me.” 

Please trust me.

“Thank you,” Tina whispers, like she just has no energy to speak louder. “I just can’t think right now, I think I need… like, fucking blood, probably, I don’t know…” She looks down at her hands hopelessly. “I think I might be dying.” She laughs humorlessly. “Again, I guess.”

Quinn thinks for a moment, taking in the almost metallic pallor of Tina’s skin and the difference in her irises that she noticed earlier. “How long have you… been a vampire?” 

Is this the answer to what she’s been wondering about?

“A few months, I guess.” (There it is… Quinn wonders if anyone might have noticed something different in her for the months after her first night as a wolf.) “There was another vampire -- nicer than the one who bit me -- ” her voice goes hard and tight on bit -- “who gave me some blood for a while. But I don’t know where they are now. They said they never stayed in one place for a long time. So I guess I’m starving to death. I don’t know.”

“Can’t you, like, get blood… somewhere?”

“I can barely stand talking to you right now, to be honest,” Tina says. “I don’t think I could go near other people right now.”

Right. Quinn curses her complete lack of knowledge on vampires besides that from popular media, which probably doesn’t apply very well to this situation. This feels absolutely ridiculous, though she’s been through weirder herself… still. Her first full moon was a disaster and she doesn’t know how to deal with this either. But… 

“I might be able to help,” she says, standing up straighter and finally handing Tina’s phone back to her. Tina pauses before taking it, as if she forgot about it; Quinn has, too, for the most part. The project is definitely not a priority now. “I know absolutely nothing about vampires,” Quinn continues, “but I have my own needs as a werewolf. I know a place -- it’s where I hunt. Animals.”

Tina seems to wince at the words. Quinn vaguely remembers hearing about how Tina doesn’t eat meat, for the most part. She could probably avoid thinking about it when someone else was getting her blood, but this will be direct. This will be a change.

Quinn presses on. “You need blood. Everything in history about vampires says that -- they can’t all be wrong. Please let me help you.”

“Okay,” Tina says weakly, nodding a little. “Give me the address, or whatever -- ”

“I’m driving you. In this car. And staying with you.” Quinn doesn’t back down as Tina’s eyes snap to hers, and her mouth opens to protest. “Seriously. I’m helping you with this. And you’ll crash the car if you drive yourself.”

Her head falls back against the headrest. “You’re lucky I’m exhausted and dying, Fabray,” she grumbles. She gets out and goes around the front of the car into the passenger seat, and Quinn slides into the driver’s seat, putting her bag in the back. She instinctively reaches to turn down the heat, but remembers Tina’s freezing skin.

“You can turn it down,” Tina says. “I don’t even feel cold. I just wanted my skin to feel normal to other people, which clearly wasn’t working.” Quinn gives her a glance to make sure, but Tina is just leaned against the window, body slumped and tired. 

She turns it down just a little.

Then remembering something else Tina said earlier, Quinn asks warily, “Are you okay with me in the car right now? I know you said earlier you could barely stand it…”

Tina shrugs. “I mean, I have to be, don’t I?” Quinn doesn’t answer, and Tina looks over at her and chuckles a little. “Don’t worry, Fabray, I won’t kill you and drain your blood. Although it does sound… appetizing right now.”

“Haven’t you read Twilight? My blood tastes awful to vampires,” Quinn jokes, trying to lighten the mood as she pulls the car out of the school parking lot. 

“Is that really a thing?”

Quinn laughs lightly. “I think so, I don’t know. But that is something I’m thinking about when it comes to vampires, so I must’ve heard it somewhere.”

Tina hums. “I never read or watched Twilight. My parents wouldn’t let me; my mom said she thought Kristen Stewart seemed like a bitch.” She lets out a short laugh. “The irony.”

“Do your parents know?”

“No. Yours?”

“No.” It’s honestly too easy for Quinn to hide it from her mom and her mom’s boyfriend. They’re never home and when they are, they leave Quinn alone, which is fine by her, especially on full moons or random weird days when she needs to leave. She does whatever the fuck she wants; they don’t question it. She supposes there are worse ways to live, especially while being a werewolf.

“How am I supposed to tell them?” Tina asks, looking out the window. “I thought I’d have to worry about telling them I thought Kristen Stewart was hot, not that I had basically become her -- or, her character.”

“Well, you could lead with the first thing? Maybe that’ll make it a little easier to accept. Or you could lead with the second, and while they’re freaking out about that, just drop in that you like girls.”

“Ha ha.”

“It’s good advice, I just might follow it myself,” Quinn jokes.

“…You like girls?” Tina asks. “Or -- you don’t have to answer that, sorry -- ”

Quinn glances at her. “Yeah.” 

“Cool. Let me know how it goes, if you do follow that advice,” Tina teases lightly.

Quinn laughs harshly at the mere thought of coming out to her mom. She might’ve been able to come around about her teenage pregnancy, but Quinn doesn’t miss the tone her voice takes on when she asks about Kurt or when Quinn mentions him, when Quinn’s watching something on TV or reading a book, when she sees something in the news. 

“Well I’m not coming out anytime soon.”

“That’s fine,” Tina says, her voice soft and tired but sincere. 

“Kurt’s the only other person who knows, though, so… yeah, you know… trust thing.”

“Of course. Thanks for telling me.”

And Quinn does trust Tina, with this, with the werewolf thing… she’s wondering how Tina managed to win her trust so quickly... and friendship.

Hopefully, Tina trusts her enough for what they’re about to do.

“We’re here,” Quinn says, pulling into a dirt area surrounded by woods. She puts the car in park and hears Tina take a deep breath. She looks nervous and Quinn doesn’t need to imagine to have an idea of what’s going through her head right now. She takes one of her freezing hands in her own, holds it between them. “Tina. I’ll be here for you, okay? I’ll help you. Are you ready?”

“Absolutely not. Do you know anything about vampires hunting?”

“Is it so different from turning into a wolf and hunting?” Quinn jokes, then asks seriously, “Do you need a minute?”

“No.” Tina removes her hand to open the door and Quinn misses the contact, the… warmth, even from her cold skin. 

When she gets out of the car and comes up next to her, Tina shoots her a grateful smile -- small, but genuine. Something Quinn hasn’t seen in months. She’s missed it. 

(Shit, Kurt was right, she thinks, and if this is any indication, she won’t ever get tired of that smile.)

“Thank you, Quinn, for helping me with this.”

“Of course.”

Quinn’s hand suddenly finds itself in Tina’s again, and she can feel Tina’s hand shaking a little. Quinn gives her a small, reassuring squeeze. “Let’s go.”

***

small notes for after bc i didn’t want to “spoil” this before lol !!

this is in the werewolf!quinn / vampire!tina au i’ve written in before :) if u wanna check that out hehe here’s my fic tag :P 

this and this are the two that are most connected to this one tho if u want to read :3 especially the second one -- i think that’s kind of a continuation of this fic, or like the next scene i guess

no one really cares but i started out with this prompt thinking about a more canon s1 au where it was tina saying the prompt about quinn during her pregnancy but idk somehow it turned into this instead slfdkjkd

i really didn’t have many notes lmao that’s it thanks for reading if u did <3