#i keep having to lie down on my left side to get my nostril to drain

[uozlulu]

Either I developed cold symptoms MINUTES after lying down after taking my iron pill two nights ago or I aspirated some of the pill due to gastritis symptoms. Honestly cannot tell which way this one lands. Doesn't feel like a cold, but also is suspicious?

I'm being careful in case it is a cold but I can't completely rule out aspiration because like the roof of my mouth is a little sore but improving but my throat is not sore. My right nostril is having a time of it but it's not actually like runny either. Just kind of vaguely stuffy.

No headache. No fever. No fatigue. Did have other iron pill side effects but most of those are gone now.

I am indoors but it feels like when I have a cold outdoors so that also isn't like helping me figure out what the heck is going on, though my colds don't feel like this indoors normally.

[cas-kingdom]

The Night Shift

A/N: First NCIS fic! Decided to keep my OC's name instead of reader as I'm pretty attached to her.

If you're alone on V Day, here's some Gibbs. <3

Title: The Night Shift

Summary: What's worse than a sick Gibbs? A sick mini Gibbs.

Words: 2568

It was two am, and Emmie Gibbs was tired.

She wrinkled her nose as something tickled at it and sat up to reach for the packet of tissues sitting dutifully by the pillow.

It was two am, and Emmie Gibbs was sick and tired.

Tony, the shit-stirrer that he was, leaned precariously back in his swivel chair to stare at her. If it weren’t for the squeak of the chair itself, she still would have noticed his sudden attention by the feeling of his eyes boring into her for perhaps the tenth time since they’d set up camp in the NCIS building about five hours ago. He was relentless.

Emmie paused. Tissue wedged in her nose, sinuses burning, she looked up and stared at him. Tony rose an eyebrow. Emmie hardened her stare. Tony, because he was Tony, purposefully leaned further back so she could see the exact moment he dramatically cupped a hand to his stupid little mouth and—

“Giiibbs!��

Emmie’s jaw tensed. Tony grinned in superfluous victory.

Another squeak, a more familiar one this time, and Gibbs’s swivel chair glided along the carpeted floor around the divider between the cubicles until he could see Emmie. She was still sitting up, looking quite the sight with a tissue halfway up her right nostril and her hair sticking at all angles. On any other day she would have responded to Tony’s pure gall by glaring him straight into the ground. But today was not that day. Today was a bad day. Today, her week-long, just-about-bearable cold had decided to manifest into sinusitis, and she’d woken with a face that felt as though tiny little men were mining for gold in her skull. Ducky had liked that metaphor.

Partly because she was absolutely awful at caring for herself when she was ill, and partly—mostly—because he knew he wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on work if she was left to fend for herself at home, Gibbs had dragged Emmie into the office with him. She’d made her rounds all day—curled up on Abby’s little couch at first, then bundled off to an empty room when Abby found working in silence too impossible. At lunchtime, a meeting had been scheduled in the room, and she’d been forced to accompany Gibbs and Tony in the car to a naval base connected to the case they were working on, sniffling and groaning in the back seat like a Victorian child on her death bed.

And here she was now, at two a bloody m, lying on an ungodly amount of blankets, wrapped in Gibbs’s jacket and Tony’s hoodie, on the floor, feeling like her body was readying to explode. Life couldn’t get worse.

Unless you were acquainted with Tony DiNozzo. In which case, life could, and most certainly would, get worse.

Gibbs dipped his head and rose an eyebrow at Emmie. Emmie couldn’t do much in her defence but sniff. Hard. A slight protest only she had the guts to attempt. It was when he pointed a finger at her and motioned with it for her to lie down again that Emmie tossed her arms up.

“Do you know—” Another sniff—“Do you even know how hard it is to lie down and feel your sinuses drain into your throat?” Her voice was so nasally she couldn’t sound stern, even if she put every ounce of effort into it.

Tony, naturally, did not try hard to cover his amusement at that. He snorted and crossed his arms over his chest, spinning from side to side absently in his chair with the tip of his tongue held between his smirking lips when Emmie turned narrowed eyes on him.

“I was getting a tissue, FYI,” she said to him and only him. “So, you can stop being a kiss ass, Anthony.”

“Emmie.” Gibbs disappeared behind the divider again. “Back to sleep.”

Tony, meanwhile, gaped. “Kiss ass who?”

Emmie ignored him and shuffled back down again. She shut her eyes and swallowed. Already the disgusting stuff had decided the place it wanted to be right now was her stomach, and was meandering slowly down her throat towards it.

“You were being a bit of a kiss ass,” she heard Gibbs agree.

“Oh, come on. You said you wanted her to sleep!”

“Yeah, and I do.”

“But you’re gonna call me a kiss ass when I tell you she’s not sleeping? Kiss my ass.”

“What was that?”

“Sorry, Boss.”

In all honesty, there was nothing more that Emmie wanted least right now than to sleep. True, she was exhausted, but the part of her brain not currently still enshrouded in said exhaustion wanted to be up and active again, helping Gibbs with the case like her internship allowed.

And yet, the man still believed she needed her head on a pillow.

The team had been working on a case all day, one she didn’t know the specifics of. It wasn’t exactly often that they stayed in the office well into the night to continue their current case, but it appeared Gibbs had a weird feeling about this one. From the snippets of conversation that she’d picked up and actually retained in her decrepit brain, a potential witness was lying unconscious in a hospital bed somewhere, and Gibbs wanted to speak to him the moment he woke up, which, according to the doctors, could be at any time. That apparently required the entire team to stay behind which, considering the fact Emmie was currently holed up on the floor of Ziva’s empty cubicle, not everyone had complied with.

The moment Tony got out of his chair to help Gibbs with something and disappeared from her line of sight, Emmie eased herself into a sitting position once more. She reached for the tissues again, rubbing at her leaking nose with the sleeve of Gibbs’s jacket and not possessing the brain power to regret that decision. She blew into a tissue, paused to catch her breath, then—

“Gibbs.”

Emmie deflated completely. Wow. The world truly hated her today.

She looked up to see McGee walking in with a bag of takeout. He barely glanced at her as he passed, choosing to instead spend that energy alerting Gibbs to the fact she was, again, not lying down.

Before either Tony or Gibbs could come into view once more, Emmie sighed, stuck two bits of tissue in both nostrils, and scooted backwards to sit against the wall.

“Can’t breathe lying down,” she said before anyone could say a single word. “And I’m tired of being tired. I don’t want to sleep anymore. Leave me alone. Don’t talk to me. Shush.”

Tony’s head appeared around the corner, and he snorted again. Then the squeak of Gibbs’s chair as he got up. A rustling. A moment later he appeared with a takeout box in his hand, walking towards her. He lifted it so she could see, and she groaned, shaking her head. A corner of Gibbs’s mouth lifted but he wasn’t about to back down on this fight. He never did.

He knelt in front of her, close enough to see the pallidness of her face and the slight sickly tremble of her small frame. Emmie visibly relaxed when he reached out a hand to press against her forehead, the coolness of his skin momentarily dowsing the heat of hers.

Gibbs checked the watch at his wrist. “Another couple hours and you can dose up again.”

“Thanks.”

“Yep. ‘Till then…” He went to withdraw his hand, but Emmie’s own hand shot up and pinned his to her forehead.

“No,” she said simply.

“No to my hand leaving, or food?”

“No.”

“You gotta eat. You know the drill. Eat or sleep.” She grumbled something and Gibbs reached with his free hand to lift the lid on the box. The smell of warm chicken soup filled the space between them, and Emmie wrinkled her nose. “Come on, kiddo. It’s only soup.”

“I feel too sick to eat.”

“Sleep it is, then.”

“Dad—”

“Hey. The cure for alll Emmie-related illness is sleep. Always has been, always will be.” It was true. Gibbs knew his daughter better than she knew herself, after all. Everyone was different, but Emmie’s medicine was sleep until she could look him in the eye and confidently tell him she felt a bit better. If years of being a single parent had taught him anything, it was that.

With a bit of reluctance, he pulled his hand from her head and leant forward on his toes. “You don’t have to lie down to sleep,” he told her. “Here—” Emmie wasn’t quite sure what he was doing with the pillows and blankets behind her, but when he sat back and she turned as much as her aching neck would allow, there was a nice little DIY upright-bed against the wall. Gibbs, seemingly proud of his work, was met with a look of absolute discontent on his daughter’s face.

He puffed his cheeks out and glanced at the soup. “Aeroplane?”

“Seriously?” Emmie deadpanned.

He reached for the spoon, a teasing smile pulling at his lips. “Worked when you were a kid.”

“There’re a few keywords in that sentence, Dad. Are you trying to give Tony more fuel to embarrass me?”

Gibbs glanced over his shoulder. Tony had returned to his desk, leaning dangerously back in his chair to gain the best vantage point. The man had absolutely zero shame.

Gibbs jerked his head. “Check with the hospital about Lupin, would you, DiNozzo?”

Tony visibly deflated. Emmie sent him a smug look and he stuck his tongue out. Reluctantly, he wheeled back to his desk and picked up the phone. “Do this, DiNozzo, do that, DiNozzo,” he grumbled to himself. “Oh, while you’re at it, why don’t you polish my boots and write a thesis on my intellectual prowess, DiNozzo? Sure, I’ll get right on it, Boss!” He dialled the number and put the phone to his ear. “Should I get your laundry and your coffee too, Boss? Should I do—hi, there! Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS, calling for an update on a patient? Ryan Lupin. Yeah, I’ll hold. Thanks.”

“Dad.” Such an exasperated voice could only belong to the resident invalid, and after only a second’s hesitation, Tony—slowly—wheeled himself back, as far as the cord to the phone still held against his ear would allow. Emmie and Gibbs were still on the floor, the former looking most disgruntled at the spoon in the latter’s hand.

“I’m being serious,” she said then.

“So am I,” Gibbs said, “very serious. I’m being very serious right now. Soup?”

Emmie rolled her eyes, but a smile was pulling at her lips all the same. She shook her head. “Go back to your desk, old man.”

Tony’s brows shot up and he grinned. “Oohoohoo!��� He was close to rubbing his hands together in sheer glee. “You gonna let her get away with that, Boss?”

“Lupin, DiNozzo.”

“I’m on hold!” The fact that Gibbs made no sign that he was going to pick his daughter up on her insult, when Tony knew that if he’d been the one to call his boss elderly he’d be getting a bit more than a slap to the back of the head, hit a sore spot. “Wait,” he said, looking hilariously appalled, “you’re actually gonna let her get away with it?”

Gibbs, defeated in this part only, dropped the spoon back in the box and put it on the desk. “I’ve been called worse,” he called back, “believe me.”

“Grandpa,” Emmie said.

“Thank you, Em, that’s very helpful.”

“Ninnyhammer, pillock, douche canoe, old man—”

“You already said that one.” Gibbs chuckled. “Douche canoe?”

Emmie shrugged. “Dunderhead.”

“Alright.”

“Ugly…nut.”

“Jemima.”

McGee, who’d since been silently working and eating at his desk, paused. Mouth open, forkful of noodles on its way, he turned confused eyes to the ground.

“Her name’s Jemima?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “How long you been here McGee?”

As soon as Emmie looked the slightest bit like she was about to resume her name-calling, Gibbs put his palm over her mouth. He rose a brow in warning. She blinked. Blinked again. Then—

“Aw, come on!” Gibbs’s face contorted into one of absolute disgust as a rush of air and wet stuff flew at his hand. He withdrew it immediately, holding it away from him, while Emmie sniffed and nonchalantly used the jacket sleeve again.

“You little crapbag.” It was the best he could come up with.

“What? You think I plan my sneezes?”

Tony, up until now quite enjoying the performance, rolled quickly back to the desk with the phone at his ear. “Hi, yeah, I’m still here.”

Gibbs stood and walked briskly to his desk so he could grab the stack of napkins the takeout had come with. “I don’t doubt anything when it comes to you.”

“Thank you.” Emmie rubbed at her red eyes with her hand and slumped against the back of the wall. Gibbs, coating his hands with sanitizer, watched with a knowing eye. He shook his hands and walked back around to Ziva’s cubicle, perching on the desk to look down at her.

“You’re sick,” he said.

“I know. And?”

“And, sick people eat soup, and they sleep. Okay? They don’t stay up at all hours of the night—nooo, no, no. I’m talking now, kiddo. I know you’ve been sleeping all day, I know you wanna get up and back to work, but that’s not happening until your fever’s gone. No point in fighting that, and you know full well. Clear?”

Any other day. Any. Other. Day. The protests were practically clawing at her throat. But a sudden wave of nausea rushed over her and she backed down immediately. Still, the thought of lying down again was awful, and the tired eyes she turned on her dad somehow translated that.

Gibbs sighed. “What’s it gonna take, huh?” Emmie didn’t need to think about her answer to that. She wasn’t even sure her expression had changed at all when Gibbs shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. “No,” he said, “come on, now. I gotta work.”

This time, she did change her expression, putting it on in the way she knew worked best. Gibbs, naturally, relented.

“Fine,” he said, motioning with his hands for her to move over. She did, though admittedly it was a bit of a pitiful move with her aching body. He breathed a short laugh but came to sit in the miniscule space she’d made beside her anyway.

“Thanks, douche canoe,” Emmie whispered.

Tony put the phone down. “Still knocked out, Boss,” he said, pushing his chair backwards. When he saw Gibbs on the floor, arm wrapped around his daughter, who had her head on his shoulder, he crossed his arms over his chest and positively pouted.

“Hey, why do you get to sleep?”

Gibbs chuckled and shut his eyes. “When you’ve got a sick kid, I’ll let you sleep on the office floor with her. Wake me before Lupin does, would you?”

“How am I—Boss? Boss?” Tony threw his arms up in the air and shook his head, grabbing a notebook from his desk to doodle in. “Kiss my ass.”

“Heard that.”

“I wanted you to.”

Well, one thing was for certain. Gibbs may have won this fight, but so had Emmie.

NCIS Masterpost

[seireitonin]

Introducing my Creepypasta OC :3

She’s been on my mind for about 2 years! I just never talked about her bc I didn’t know where to start! Also I didn’t have anyone to draw her so I didn’t know how to properly introduce her! I was not about to use AI art😭 so I had to use an avatar app to give people an idea on how she looks! So it might be a bit inconsistent but I’ll explain it as best as I can! Anyway onto the fun yapping

Welcome to the Creepypasta Fabdom: Sebastia!!!!

Name: Sebastia

Age: 27

Race: Black

Sexual orientation: Bisexual

Gender: female

Height: 5’6

Eye color: brown(normal form) red(monster form)

Hair color: black (although she does enjoy adding different colored highlights)

Hair length: 26 inches, straightened has emo hair fringe going to the left

Her arms and legs are permanently black but the black stops at her knees and elbows and fades into her normal dark brown skin color.

Wears her normal emo fashion, she wants to pretend to be normal as much as possible

She kept her piercings, snake bites with spikes, a septum ring with spikes instead of balls, small spiked nostril piercings on each nostril

What’s she like? How’d she get this way?

She has an extremely anxious personality and a distrust of men

A man she met and was head over heels for betrayed her and took her to a lab as a test subject

She was so in love with him, she ignored all the red flags that came with him

All she cared about was him, putting her own safety to the side to be with him

He manipulated her into being part of something called the “God project”

Where she was tested on to be “made in gods image”

Whatever her captors thought “god” looked like they tried to turn her into

The pseudo scientists made something call “miracle cells” because they thought they were doing “gods work”

She was injected with those daily, causing a painful transformation

An ex-ray of her body shows that’s the “miracle cells” formed a new life inside her body and is embedded in her

The cells built themselves up in her body, taking the form of multiple mouths, that burst out of her scalp when threatened, causing her to loose a lot of blood, causing it look leak down her face. Every single time.

It’s painful every time she needs to fight

The cells are now a sentient being in her that she’s stuck with. It talks to her and protects her.

But it will say and do anything to keep Sebastia/ itself safe. Even if it has to manipulate her or lie to her. So sometimes it’s hard for her to think for herself or clearly

The form where the being forces itself out of her scalp is dubbed her “miracle form”

It also makes her eyes turn red, and forces sharp teeth to grow out of her cheeks along with 2 extra mouths on each side of her face. The teeth in her mouth are also sharp and her tongue turns grey. All while bleeding heavily from the head

When Sebastia speaks in this form it’s like multiple voices speaking along side her own

Since the being is made of “miracle cells” she’s called the being inside her Miracle

Sebastia doesn’t know exactly what Miracle is she killed all her captors brutally before she could find answers

She didn’t want to be turned any farther

Miracle told her to do it so she wouldn’t find out what it really is. So no one knows what Miracle truly is or why it’s choosing to help Sebastia.

It’s it a demon? A recreation of one? A recreation of god? Who knows?

Sebastia has no idea what Miracle is supposed to look like she can only guess through the changes in her own physical appearance such as the teeth and eyes and the black tendril like mouths but other than that she has no idea

No one does

Sebastia was kept in that lab for 6 months

But she didn’t want to go back to her normal life

Not like this

So she roamed in the forest, surviving off the food in abandoned campsites and cabins and sleeping there too

She one day hopes to go back to her normal life but she’s not sure if she ever can

What the tests and “scientists” did to her causes her pain and torment every day, especially because she had no one but Miracle itself to talk to and that’s a literal sentient piece of her trauma

Her autonomy is gone and she doesn’t fully recognize herself

So she clings to things she loved when she was normal

Such as emo fashion, video games, music, makeup etc

But it brings back memories of her friends, family and normal life so it’s painful for her

She has nightmares about being back in the lab

She hates herself for letting herself be manipulated by a man she loved and feels stupid for trusting him

Kinda blames herself for all of this

How does Sebastia fight?

Sebastia hates fighting and will only do it if she thinks it’s necessary. Mainly because she wants to be as normal as possible and because it’s a painful transformation to go through when the tendril like mouths burst out of her scalp

The “ tounges” of the mouths are pieces on her brain so it’s even harder for her to think clearly when her mind is literally being scrambled

When not fighting her brain is normal for the most part. Like all the pieces are in place

Miracle fights for/ with her by wrapping around people and squeezing them to death, biting/ eating people, holding people by their arms or legs so Sebastia can hurt them with any weapon she has on hand, slamming its tendrils into people sending them flying, hitting people multiple times by becoming smaller and sometimes just straight up throwing people

Miracle also defends her by blocking attacks and shielding Sebastia. It can’t be hurt by normal weapons but Sebastias body can.

So it blocks and defends her. Last resort it’ll retreat back inside her and act as a shield from inside of her so she can’t be pierced through completely. Only her skin.

If Sebastia is hurt, Miracle will heal her by using its mouths to keep the wound closed and heal over itself

Like weird stitches almost

But it’s really painful for Sebastia

Miracle can lift Sebastia high into the air by opening its mouths from her head putting its self to the ground and stretching upwards

Sebastia can move around like this too so sometimes she doesn’t even have to use her own legs

If she has a gun or a ranged weapon shell shoot at people from above

She loves guns especially if she customizes them to go with her outfits

But she also uses a scythe when shes melee fighting

The scythe comes apart to be a whip too(she’s had nothing but time to work on these things and she’s paranoid that people might be looking for her too)

There are no limits to how many mouths can come out of her head

When the mouths are out of her head her long black hair gets soaked with blood, so she constantly has to wash it and she hates it

The more control Sebastia gives Miracle, the more her appearance changes

If she gives more control her eyes go white to match Miracles instead of the normal red when she’s mostly in control

The mouths of Miracle can also grow and shrink depending on the situation example:

Another form she has is when she lets Miracle have complete control but that’s a last resort. She doesn’t fully know if she can come back from it

Her skin turns all black the she grows mouths on her physical body too, not just coming out of her head

She also can’t think for herself at all as miracle will just control her

So she refuses to go into that form even though it’s her strongest one

Relationships with the other Creepypastas?

Doesn’t trust men so she doesn’t like any of the men at first and won’t even let them touch her or be alone in a room with them

Sebastia is sweet and doesn’t want to hate anyone but she feels as if she has no choice and it’s the only way to keep herself safe

She’s also really jumpy and anxious

But when she’s calm around you she’s goofy and kind. It’s not her goal to be mean even if she feels like she has to come off that way

Toby- she really doesn’t like him at first and even tries to kill him (mainly because Miracle manipulated her into thinking he was trying to kill her when they first met) but after months and months she understands that not trying to hurt her even though Toby’s kinda mean. Sebastia learns that he loves his mother and sister and is kinder to women so she starts to trust him they even start hanging out one on one which is a huge step for her. Toby’s odd, rude and cruel humor mixes weirdly well with her goofiness since she likes to laugh. So Toby tries his best to make her laugh with stupid stuff. It inflates his ego. Maybe one day she’ll be able to give Toby a hug. (She’s in love with him but is still scared to be touched by men. Also embarrassed to like a man at all. Also the whole monster inside her thing makes it hard to have a relationship with anyone)

Eyeless Jack: they actually get along really well! You know with the whole “monster inside you and now your normal life is ruined and taken from you” Sebastia is always trying to find a way to be normal again and is always asking for EJs help since she relates to him. But it’s hard since she doesn’t want to be touched yet and he can’t really run tests on her or even do checkups. Sebastia hopes that soon she’ll let herself be touched so they can figure out if either of them can be semi normal again. He’s one of the few men Sebastia actually trusts. He has calm energy ironically.

Jane: Sebastia loves Jane. And I mean LOVES. She basically was head over heels for Jane the first time she saw her. Also the first point of physical skin on skin contact she’s had in months. Jane was one of the first people Sebastia clung to because she was so nice to her. (Also female) she’s in love with Jane but will never confess to that. They especially relate to each other because their lives were ruined/ changed because of a man. Jane came with her anytime she had to be around one of the guys so Sebastia wouldn’t be alone. Spent lots of time together. It feels so nice to have a friend she can relax completely around. And she doesn’t want to lose that so she keeps her feelings for Jane to herself.

Nina: Sebastia hates Nina a first. Like a lot. She found Nina’s weird obsession over Jeff ridiculous and degrading. Sebastia hated how Nina centered Jeff in her life. It’s mainly because Sebastia saw herself in Nina. And she was ashamed of it. After months of screaming and fighting with each other, Sebastia finally comes to terms with the fact she’s being a huge hypocrite and apologizes. Nina tells her why she is the way she is with Jeff and how he manipulated her and ruined her life like he did with Jane. She just can’t seem to get over him or give him up despite how bad she wants to. They end up becoming friends too. Especially over emo stuff. Feels so nice to have a friend to go to concerts with. Sebastia also has romantic feelings for Nina too. (Sebastia will fall in love and cling to almost anyone who’s nice to her, but women especially. It’s always been a huge problem for her)

Jeff: hates him. He ruined Jane and Nina’s lives. Thinks he’s egocentric and narcissistic and not in a charming way like Toby. She doesn’t actively try to fight him or antagonize him, but she tries to avoid him as much as possible. She tries to hide it as best as she can, but I’m sure Jeff knows and messes with her causing her to violently lash out at him.

Sally: loves her like she would a little sister and will protect her at all costs. Especially because Sebastia had wanted kids before her life went this way. Sally and her both don’t trust men, except for the ones they both know.

BEN: indifferent to him but nice. Mainly because she doesn’t exactly understand what Ben is? So she’s just nice to him and doesn’t ask many questions. Fun to play video games with and be a nerd with though, even though he kinda creeps her out. But he hasn’t done anything to her so why antagonize him? Especially because she literally doesn’t know what he is or how she’d fight him.

Laughing Jack: Tries to understand him. But is still unsettled by his presence. He’s loud and weird and really creepy in a way only LJ can be. But he does make her laugh, so there’s that. She will never ever want to be alone in a room with him, not because he’d do anything weird to her, but because he’s a lot to handle and again she’s unsettled by him, even though she wants to like him. Their relationship is weird. Sebastia hopes they can be better friends. But his happy energy feels so fake and disingenuous that it’s damn near impossible to trust him.

Jason the toymaker: hates him. Literally takes women and turns them into his personal toys. Could never like someone like that.

Candy Pop: hates him. Sees women as objects and once again, can’t really like someone like that. Maybe if she found out that candy pop was once in love with a woman and is possessed by a monster like she is she’ll come around. Big maybe though

Puppeteer: doesn’t like him. Mainly because of how he treats Erma.

Slenderman: She literally can’t even comprehend what he is? So she just takes Toby’s word for it that he keeps them safe as long as they do what he says.

Masky: doesn’t know him that well, but no ill will towards him. But she’s not gonna go out of her way to be friends with him so she’s just surface level nice to him. Also Sebastia hates the smell of cigarette smoke so she’d rather not be around him

Hoodie: they’ve never spoke. Only knows a bit about him from Toby. So she has no feelings towards him

Clockwork: she likes her. Not as close with her as she is with Nina and Jane but they’re cool. Feels awkward around clockwork because Sebastia has a crush on Toby but she knows they’re exs. Also Sebastia feels jealous and Miracle literally encourages her to be jealous. Sebastia is at least aware enough to recognize it’s ridiculous to be jealous. Sebastia also over thinks a lot: if her and Toby hypothetically got together would clockwork hate her? It makes her sick to think about because she doesn’t want to hurt Clockworks feelings. She shoves the jealousy away and is nice to Clockwork regardless. Especially because they both have bad history with men, they both respect each other and check on each other. Sebastia thinks Clockwork is so pretty.

Kate: Sebastia and Kate have a surface level friendship and get along just fine. She likes Kate’s mask a lot!

Bloody Painter: Sebastia thinks his art is cool. Since BP is quiet, they don’t talk much. But when they do, their conversations are short and sweet. But Sebastia knows he’s dangerous despite how quiet and soft spoken he is. But she respects how he’s not rude and keeps to himself.

Random facts about Sebastia

Loves sweet foods the most

Her favorite desserts are sugar cookies with frosting, really good chocolate chip cookies, vanilla cake and ice cream

Her favorite food is sushi. A close second is seafood boils. She likes to eat messy with her hands sometimes. Third would be bira ramen

Her favorite color is dark blue, especially if it’s along side a dark purple, so you’ll see those colors in her outfits and hair. Opposite to that she likes red and hot pink. But she wears a lot of black along side all those colors

She’s scared of the dark and spiders(despite her kinda looking like one sometimes with all those mouths going everywhere when they’re holding her up on something)

Her arms and legs are permanently black no matter what form she’s in but she covers them with wrapping bandages or accessories.

They fade into her normal skin tone at the elbows and knees but she thinks it looks kinda cool

Sometimes will leave her fingers exposed especially if she paints her nails

Wants to go back to her normal life after she gets everything under control, but if she can’t she enjoys being here with everyone so that’s a good thing

Another branch of scientists are after her but she’s hidden pretty well and can fight them if necessary

Sometimes wonders what Miracle is supposed to actually look like, she can’t comprehend it if she tried

She’s happy she can somewhat blend in with humans with her normal looking form. She enjoys still being able to do the things she liked before

Wanted a family and kids before this all happened but Sally is good practice, even though Sally is technically older than her and more mature than your average child

Has to carry around sweets with her so in case she fights and looses blood, she doesn’t loose consciousness

It’s kinda funny to see her fighting then have to whip out a cupcake and eat it

Miracle can keep fighting even if Sebastia is unconscious, it’s kinda creepy to see a limp body have mouths coming out of it and fighting especially with the blood everywhere

Sebastia loves to eat, especially because she couldn’t eat what she wanted in the lab

Loves sweet smelling perfumes

Her birthday is July 14th

Loves being warm so she loves summer

Miracles mouths and the ones that come out of Sebastias head look like this (minus the sword) and many mouths can come out of Sibastias head as needed at once

Sebastia doesn’t know if Miracle likes being called “Miracle” and she’s scared to ask (what if it wants to be called something weird?!)

Sebastia has snake bites, a septum and nostril piercings, all of them with spiked jewelry

She wants more and might let Nina do them!

That’s all I got for now!! Here’s a doodle someone made for me on discord! Thank you sm!!!

If you read all this, thank you!! I really appreciate it! I love Sebastia sm and I really wanted to talk about her :3 I’m honestly surprised it took this long and I hope you guys enjoy her too:3 this was my first time making a Creepypasta OC ironically. At least one where I thought out a whole story for them. Here’s a Sebiastia mood board to finish:3

[anemonelovesfiction]

8~ Almost Caught

Aged Up! Lo’ak x Avatar! Reader

Warnings ⚠️: Eating out, fingering, angry Neteyam

Not Proofread

MDNI 🔞

I enjoyed writing this piece so much, this is for all of the Lo’ak girlies!

Translation Station

Tewng: Loincloth

Iknimaya: Rite of Passage

Skxawng: Moron

Word count: 1.5 k

The goosebumps that covered my skin with his feather light kisses running along the back of my neck had me feeling weak in the knee’s. It was always like him to be gentle whenever doing anything with me, his hands gently rubbing my hips and toying with the strings of my tewng as he made his lips dance around behind my, I feel the sudden urge to lay my head back and find it settling near the crook of his neck, his kisses now reaching my shoulder in the process.

“I could stay in your arms forever,” I sighed happily right as his hands wrap themselves around me, my back pressed against his chest in a warm hug, his face nuzzling my cheek sweetly.

“I could keep you in my arms forever,” He replies and it has me smiling widely, the blue of his arms not highly contrasting the blue from mine, but I had been lucky to have this body at all. Most of my experiences with an iknimaya had been alongside his, I’d grown sad when his family had to leave us when they were being hunted, but what a miracle from Eywa herself when they returned. That was when I knew I had to tell him how I felt.

“I want you to do that thing again,” I mutter while feeling my cheeks grow hot upon asking him, knowing what his next words would be.

“What thing?” I could hear the smirk in his voice as he’d asked and I knew my cheeks were sporting a purple hue, chewing my bottom lip before answering to the best of my ability.

“You know,” I dragged out as I brought my hands from out of his hug to fidget nervously with my fingers.

“You want me to eat your pretty pussy out?” His breath was warm near my ear, feeling it flicker at his sudden closeness, my lip going between my teeth as I turned to face him quickly nodding quietly.

“Say it,” He barely tilts his head to the side as he commands me to say exactly what he wants to hear, so I take a shaky breath in as my ears lower with slight humiliation.

“I want you to eat me out again,” I spoke as I fidgeted with my fingers once more and I couldn’t help but drop my eyes from him as the embarrassment was eating me alive.

“Thats all you had to say, pretty girl,” He lightly grasps my chin and tilts it up, causing my gaze to lift and look back up toward him, my face still purple, my ears flickering up lightly and my tail swishing behind me.

He only brings his face closer to mine and gives me a sweet kiss, his hand letting go of my chin as he reaches for my waist, my arms automatically coming to wrap around his neck right as he digs his fingers under the straps of my tewng, untying it while making out with me.

_________

It wasn’t like my brother to disappear during an important meeting- okay thats a lie- it was precisely like him to disappear but only halfway through, not missing the meeting in its entirety, he usually had the common sense of getting his formalities out of the way resembling a somewhat responsible son. But he hadn’t shown up at all and dad had left it up to me to find his skxawng ass. I huffed as I hopped down yet another path where I see a couple of guys joking around together, I’d used to see Lo’ak hang around them whenever Spider was busy or too sick to come out with us.

“Have either of you seen Lo’ak?” I’d approached them without feeling the need to nicely introduce myself as I flared my nostrils a bit due to my anger, there was no way I could keep an eye on him and it was starting to upset me greatly.

The boys both turned to me after the question had left my lips and back again at one another, skin of their brows raised as if neither had seen my brothers whereabouts and it was starting to make me feel like I was going to scream in defeat.

“I believe I saw him headed toward the waterfalls with Y/n, but that was a little while ago, sorry.” He apologizes solemnly but it makes the weight on my chest lighten, I give one curt nod at the taller of the two and begin my journey toward the waterfalls, having an inkling that he’d be exactly where I was picturing, not bothering to call my ikran as it was a short walk from where I currently was.

This meant that he had come with every intention of coming to this meeting and decided to bail at the last second. I roll my eyes as I continue walking down the familiar path, braids moving about, beads clanking together as I did so, feeling the moist heat on my skin and feeling myself start to get sticky all over- this was the worst part of sweating in this heat.

_________

I could feel the ragged rocks sliding across my back as Lo’ak nipped my thighs teasingly, he’d removed my tewng and kept his hands and mouth busy on my thighs.

“Lo!” I griped as he nibbled on the sensitive skin on the inside of my thighs, I grind my hips upwards in a poor attempt to get him to place his mouth where I needed him most but miss him completely, a whine ripping from my mouth.

“Desperate already baby?” He asks before kissing up the thigh he’d been nibbling on, I’m sure his fangs were marked all over them and I’d have to sit with my legs close together for the remainder of the night.

“Please-“ I gasp as I feel his hot breath fanning my cunt the tip of his tongue coming out to slide across my labia, my eyes fluttering close as my fists bang on the rocks in frustration.

We’d found this place behind the waterfall not too long ago, and it has been the place we go to whenever we want to have some private fun time together, the roar of the water drowning out any noise coming from back here.

“Stop teasing!” I pout and am tempted to cross my arms together until the tip of his hot tongue slides across my cunt and swirls around my clit, my eyes rolling to the back of my head as he swirls his cat-like muscle across my sensitive nub.

I can feel his hands lightly pushing on my thighs as he backs off my pussy, giving my gentle kisses along the inner side of my thighs, and before I could protest my body stiffens as my ears perk up.

“Lo’ak, where are you?”

My eyes widen as I look down between my legs to find Lo’ak already looking back at me. We’d both recognized that angry voice being muffled by the waterfall, I was about ready to scramble and place my tewng back on my naked lower half before Lo’ak’s strong hands gripped my hips, my attention falling on his face again.

“Just be a good girl and enjoy this, yeah?” He stated and it had me confused at first before his mouth was back on my cunt and working double time, licking my cunt in its entirety.

“Lo!” I whisper yelled in an attempt to get him to stop but my eyes roll to the back of my head as my head falls back onto the ground right as his tongue swirls deliciously around my clit again.

“Fuck,” I attempt to keep my voice low, feeling the adrenaline running through my body at this moment, knowing he was going to continue getting his way without stopping until I came.

“You’re so gorgeous baby,” He complements me as he sticks one of his rather thick fingers into my already sopping cunt.

“Lo’ak I know you’re here.”

I take this moment to open my eyes to find my love, only to see him already rolling his eyes at that moment, a moan sliding past my lips accidentally, feeling as though I’d be the reason we’d get caught but hear a frustrated growl from behind the waterfall, feeling as though I didn’t care if we were caught at this moment as all I wanted was to come.

Just then I feel more pressure in my pussy as his fingers wriggle around a bit, he must have inserted two more but I couldn’t begin to think as he does the ‘come here’s motion and suckles on my bud as if he were starving for it, my eyes rolling back in my head once more as I buck my hips to meet his fingers thrusts.

“Lo’ak I’m close-“

“Get your skxawng ass out here!”

“Fuckin’ shut up-“ I moaned as Lo’ak’s fingers started thrusting in faster than before as my hips thrust upward to meet his fingers, his other hand attempting to move me downward to stop raising my hips.

I can hear a chuckle that only belonged to my love below me at my irritable nature, wanting nothing but for his brother to disappear and leave us alone for a little bit.

“Come for me pretty girl,” He commands sweetly and all I can do is listen to him as my vision turns white, and the sudden feeling of weightlessness covers my entire being.

[goddess-venuz]

THEIR OMEGA CHP 3

STARING SILENTLY UP AT MIKEY WITH WIDE EYES...

Feeling your heart thumping against your ribcage-your secret you had desperately tried to hide for years finally came up to the surface and you couldn't hope for a worse timing.

Placing a hand against Mikey's chest while curling your fingers against the fold of your towel he had gripped, forcing your body from Mikey's, stumbling back instantly flying your hand up to your nostrils to pinch it.

"Why are you two idiots even here?!…A-And I don't know what you are talking about... Omega?"

"Do you really think we are stupid? Mikey already found your excuse of a masked perfume... I'm sure this was a new example you made?" Stepping towards your tall dresser, Izana's fingers curled around the small bottle you had made.

Irises gazing down at the bottle, tilting his head to the side with amusement gleaming across his irises-- unexpectedly he uncurled his fingers letting the bottle shatter on the impact of the title floor underneath him making your stomach twist with anxiety.

"Oops?~ Butter Fingers~"

"What the hell are you doing?!” Exhaling sharply, feeling your nostrils being overwhelmed with the mixture aroma of Ginger and Neroli both aroma battling against the other that made the air newly difficult to breathe to you.

Heat crawling across your flesh, chest tightening the sudden urge to move closer to the alphas nudging your body forward, sliding your feet backward until your back hit the wall beside your bathroom—

Taking note of your sudden change, your scent aroma only lures the Alphas closer to your wrapped up nude figure. Resting a palm beside your head, Mikey leaned closer, the scent of Neroli barely drowning out the ginger aroma from you could only assume-- Izana.

"All these years, you have lied to my face about being an Alpha?... All for what?"

"D-Don't come near me!-- Ah~" Moan erupts from your throat, interrupting from your words, feeling Mikey's knee between your thighs- brushing slightly against your heated slit.

Izana chuckled lowly, the other Alpha closing in on your left-- burying his nose and lips into the crook of your neck causing your skin to flare up in an indescribable heat. "Here I thought the rut wasn't supposed to come until tomorrow... Yet here you are all needy~"

"B-Because you both are in a rut and your scents-- mmm~"

Pressing your lips together feeling your heated slit becoming sensitive to Mikey's knee moving against it. The blonde Alpha has obvious difficulty keeping his composure at a minimum.

"So you did lie."

"No-" Gasping out a sharp moan feeling his knee being replaced with his fingers - at the early stages of your heat, you always had found it difficult to control your needy desires with these two scents throwing you into a day early for your first time around two Alphas, your body was only reacting on instincts.

Instincts you were unable to control.

"Y-Yes! Alright?! I fucking lied about being an Alpha because I didn't want to be marked!" Snapping at him, the fingers that held your nose fell on Izana's shoulder trying to pull your neck from his lips feeling his lower canines brushing against the nape of your neck.

"Such a Clever Naughty Omega... And here you could have already been mine from the beginning-"

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Izana. After all, her hand was promised to me at the beginning."

Izana's heated gaze snapped to Mikey who mirrored his piercing gaze-- cackling lowly with a sarcastic smirk at the other. "You really want to challenge me right now Remember I was the one who came up with the plan."

"Plan...?... You bastards Planned this?” Hitching gasping out, your knees nearly buckling at the feeling of Mikey's finger rubbing against your clit.

Pressing your lips together firmly, tilting your head away exposing more of your neck that only drives the two Alphas more to the urge of dominating your trembling figure.

"I say let's break her in."

Fingers digging more into Izana's shoulders at Mikey's words, you felt Izana burying his lips against the nape of your neck, slyly smirking at your needy flustered expression. "I agree, we were supposed to have her first after all.. What do you think, Omega? Want these Alphas to help you with your heat?"

"You know that you won't be able to even make it through the night if you deny it." Mikey's voice lowered, a hint of husky lingering, his thumb rubbing your clit in circular motion making your shoulders roll at the sudden spiked sensation of pleasure that crawled over your flesh.

"What is your answer Omega?" Humming lowly, Izana dragged his tongue across the nape of your neck-- lightly digging his top canines into your flesh resulting in a shuttered gasp to leak off your lips.

"F…Fine..."

Muttering barely above a whisper, their scents overwhelming your need for your desires to be fulfilled.

That single word.. One word--Was enough to kick both men into high gear.

Within the next minutes, your towel was torn from your body-- your small figure carried to the bed the feeling of your still slightly soaked hair touching your sheets, your honey-rose aroma lifting into the air once your body came into contact with the bed.

Hazily gazing at the two Alphas who didn't hesitate to remove their clothing, their hungry gazes locked onto your nude body— your figure mesmerizing, burning into the back of their brains.

Kicking his pants from his ankles, his boxers being the only apparel remaining, Mikey licked his lips moving to his knees just at the edge of your bed, his fingers wrapping around your ankles-- pulling your body towards the edge of the bed.

Feeling your back being lifted, letting the half-nude Izana prop himself behind you, the Alpha burying his face into the crook of your neck- trapping both of your wrists into one hand as his other grasps your throat with a firm grip.

"W-Wait how is this even going to work— Mmph~"

Tiling your head back against Izana's shoulder feeling Mikey's tongue brushing between your folds, stroking his tongue against your wet slit-- the alpha hooked his arms underneath your legs, lifting your hips slightly giving him better access.

Sweet taste lingering across his taste buds, your honey essence making his gaze go blind with lust--dragging his tongue flatly to your swollen clit, he flicked his tongue resulting in a gentle moan rumbling up from your chest.

Rolling his tongue against your clit, taking the sensitive muscle between his lips-- a hitched gasped moan falls from your agape lips the sensation of pleasure bubbling across your flesh as Mikey sucked your bud.

"M-Mikey... Mikey!~"

Feeling Izana's hand that moved to underneath your chin, you felt the Alpha move his lips from the nape of your neck to your earlobe-- a smirk resting across his lips, his raspy voice barely reaching your ears as your mind become overwhelmed with the sudden urge of fulfilment.

"Such cute moans you're giving... Although it would sound better if it was my name instead~" Cooing out, his teeth nibbling at your earlobe.

Mikey's snapping his piercing gaze at Izana only receiving a taunting smirk from the other Alpha, a hint of possessiveness for your attention gleamed inside Mikey's irises.

Keeping his lips curled around your clit, the blonde- haired Alpha slipped a finger into your slit--Without hesitation-- he began to pump his finger, letting his finger curl gently against your walls that compulse around his fingers at the foreign feeling of his finger causing a pleasurable shiver to shoot up your spine.

Swallowing thickly, inhaling sharply - you leaned forward slightly in pleasure Izana's other hand that resting on your lower abdomen was the only thing keeping you from hunching from pleasure.

Moving his lips from your burning earlobe he had nibbled lightly, Izana moved his lips away, his lascivious gaze staring down at Mikey. "Manjiro. If you keep trying to hog her for yourself I will just take her for myself next time."

Pulling his lips away from your clit, Mikey's finger slowed down--much to your displeasure-- as his piercing gaze met Izana's. "Lil Omega doesn't seem to mind. She actually seemed to enjoy it quite well— that's until I fuck her."

"And who said you will be the first one?"

"It's Obvious, isn't it? I did."

"Fucking hell-- can you two not fucking argue and just fuck me already?!" Snapping impatiently at the two, Izana pressed his lips in thought-- "How about this. Whoever has her now... The other will take her back to their clan."

Your half-lidded eyes widened at Izana's words while Mikey had the opposite reaction, the make smirking he nods towards Izana.

"Deal."

"W-Wait! I never agree to this--"

Voice captured in your throat as your body was flipped-- landing on your stomach as Izana had moved from behind you and off the bed, both Alphas removing their last piece of clothing.

"Shit.. I don't even have a condom."

"I never use them. They are a damn turn-off."

Mikey rolled on the bed, the male laying on his back gazing at you upside down with a small grin "Don't worry, I'll have you all to myself then we could play catch-up~" winking at you, The man moved on his knees as you lift yourself-- your palms resting on the bed.

"What makes you think I will go with you--" The unexpected sensation of Izana's cock brushing against your folds instantly made your inner Omega drown out your sharp remarks.

Fingertips digging into your waist, Izana's chest rises-- the male trying to keep his calm composure as he feels the heat from your slit brushing against his tip. "You're fucking lucky he is here or I might not be able to control myself..." muttering lowly, slipping his cock through your folds-- a wave of pleasure bursting across his flesh, Izana's eyebrows knitted the Alpha pressing his lips firmly together to hold his moans at bay as you gripped the sheets underneath you.

Fully sheathing his cock into you, Izana exhaled sharply releasing the breath he didn't realize he was holding in. Snapping his hips moving your body with each sharp thrust his Pelvis made.

Moaning out, your chest rising and falling at a steady pace unable to hold back your moans-- you gazed up at Mikey who propped himself on his knees, The Alpha stroking his cock "I think it's time for a little payment for me eating you out."

Parting your lips, sticking your tongue out--grasping Mikey's hardened cock, licking over his swollen tip making the Alpha's shoulders tensed up— his shoulders steadily dropping, his eyes glued watching you take his length into your mouth.

Inhaling sharply through his nostrils, feeling your head bobbing to Izana's thrusts, parting his lips just barely, letting a low moan rose from his throat.

Combing his fingers through your -now damped-locks, gripping your hair at its roots, Mikey moved his hips to desperately match your pace.

"Damn~... Look at how you're taking my cock so well...”

Izana cursed underneath his breath, a low laugh falling from his lips he tilted his head to the aids slightly. "Did you just squeeze around me? How cute~"

Mikey groaned out your name, your lips wrapped around his cock.

Your hand stroked the reminder of his cock you were unable to fit into your mouth, stroking, squeezing lightly, each time your tongue brushed against the veins of his cock, they pulsed against your tongue.

Parting your mouth more, feeling the Alpha's grip tightened around your locks, bobbing your head against his pelvis- making you swallow the reminder length of his cock.

A muffled gag-moan vibrated from your throat, Mikey's chest heaving gently-- the Alpha unable to hold his desires from clouding his gaze.

A choked-sob moan ripped from Mikey's throat, feeling his lower abdomen feeling an ache to release.

Just the feeling of your throat snug around his cock made him moan out, his head tilted back slightly, chest beginning to heave, "This feels too damn good--.."

Feeling his cock twitch against your throat, the small droplets of pre-cum coating your tongue, another moan vibrated from your throat feeling the tip of Izana's cock hitting a spot within you nearly making your vision go white.

Growling lowly he began to use you to chase his pleasurable high, as Izana made you bounce roughly on his cock you couldn't help but release tired moans as you could feel the familiar knot tightening up in your lower abdomen.

Mikey tilts his head back down, his black irises meeting your half-lidded gaze- nearly enough to drive the Alpha to his edge, he released a shakily chuckle as he rolled his hips at a faster pace- chasing his high until he pulls your lips to his pelvis, his cock twitching in your mouth.

His tip hitting the back of your throat, spurts of cum coating your throat.

His grip slowly releasing from your hair, his breathing heavily as he pulls his cock from your mouth a trail of salvia along with the thin coat of salvia lingering on his cock. Sitting down, Mikey places his hands behind himself as he tries to catch his breath, exhaling out with a small cough-- a sharp moan falling from your lips.

Arms falling, your face buried into your sheets as you gripped the covers shakily-- your trembling figure laying on the bed, Izana holding your hips as his cock continued to stroke your walls.

Head resting to the side, a small pool of drool falling from your lips-- staining the sheets underneath you.

"Hah... Hah... Izana~ Oh God..."

Moaning out weakly, your heat crashing over you, the overwhelming feeling of baring your teeth into your soulmate as they do the way peeked. "Izana!~"

A whimper-like moan escaping from your lips, pressing your forehead against the bed as your hips bucked against his thrusts--

Izana's fingers slip between your bodies and mercilessly rubs your clit, overloading until the orgasm you have been needing shoots through you and the sensations were nearly unbearable as you moaned out his name.

Feeling your walls tightened around his cock, your warmth and cum coating his length-- Izana gritted his teeth firmly nearly killing the male to pull out.

Pulling his twitching cock, a groan erupts past his lips, spurts of cum coating your lower back, once the two of you come down from your high, his fingertips that dug into your waist slowly releases you letting your tired figure fall on top of your bed.

Chest heaving, in desperate need to catch your breath-- both Alphas gazed down at your body only a small percentage of their satisfaction fulfill. "You know……until she is marked…. She's going to be in heat." Izana says through his pants.

Mikey hummed out lowly, the Alpha tilting his head, his irises gleamed with amusement "Shouldn't be too hard… She has to choose between the two of us--"

"When you take her with you, your clan will no doubt smell her."

"They won't touch her because Lil Omega will be all mine in my bedroom~ There's no way they will even find out."

Their muffled conversation barely reached Draken's ears, The Alpha who held his back against the door-- beads of sweat glistening down his face as it took everything in the man not to burst through the door just to take you.

'(Y/n) is an Omega…unmarked… Shit...'

[1toreyouapart]

The Lies We Tell

***FANFIC THAT INVOLVES REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. MDNI. DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T LIKE FANFIC THAT INVOLVES REAL PEOPLE***

Summary that tells you nothing: Sometimes everything you ever wanted has been right there, within reach, all along.

CW/TW: Angst, fluff, swearing, friends to lovers, jealousy, smut, fingering, PinV, pet names, friends with benefits, talk of mental health (past suicide attempt mentioned), more to come as I actually get things written out.

Masterlist

Things Aren’t Always Black and White

Noah was right. Sometimes it was okay to tell a lie. She would never admit that to him, though. He would hold it against her, for sure. A lie by omission was probably her worst sin. Every time she told him she loved him it was under the guise of them being best friends. Always left out the part where she was completely head over heels, so obvious it smacked you in the face, in love with him. She lied to him just the other night when she told him that it was all fine, just fine. And as she stared down at him lounging on the couch so casually, she was prepared to lie to him again.

“I wasn’t making a point, Noah. We were slammed at work.”

“Then why have you been avoiding being alone with me?”

Exasperated she tipped her head down, eyes squeezed shut as she pinched the bridge of her nose. That part she could admit. The rest? Maybe not so much.

“Because you want to talk about things like it meant something, Noah. And it didn’t. I’m not stupid. I don’t need you to coddle me and spew the same shit every other man does. I’m a big girl, Noah. At least respect me enough to just fucking be honest.”

“Be honest? Okay. I’ve wanted to fuck you since the day we fucking met. But I haven’t acted on it. Outside of recent events. Why? Because I do respect you. And you would know that if you didn’t keep avoiding me!”

“Well that’s fucking news to me. What, did you want me to move in here because you wanted a fuck buddy on call?!”

She watched as his jaw flexed, hands fisting in his lap. Watched the way his eyes narrowed, how his nostrils flared just slightly. She was equal parts scared and thrilled. She had never seen this side of him before. Noah had always been careful to keep his anger hidden from her.

“Do you remember what happened before I asked you to move in here? The phone call I got from the fucking hospital? Come on, Quinn. You’re a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them.”

White hot rage flooded her body, heating her from the inside out. How dare he bring that up? Slowly she stepped forward, leaning down until she was an inch from his face.

“You don’t get to throw my one moment of weakness in my face. Fuck you,” she hissed, fighting the urge to draw back and punch him.

“Quinn. You can’t accuse me of something, then get mad when I tell you how wrong you are. Yes, I want to fuck you. I also actually give a shit about you. And I don’t want to lose you! All of these things can be true at the same time!”

Tears pricked at her eyes, begging to be let free. Her chest ached something fierce and she wanted to throw up. How did they get here? A door clicking shut upstairs followed by footsteps to the top of the stairs drew her attention.

“Everything good? Lots of yelling happening.” Folio. Of course it was him. Lightest sleeper in the damn house.

“Yeah,” Noah answered almost immediately. “Just a misunderstanding.”

Not another word. Just the sound of footsteps retreating followed by the click of a door being shut again. Quinn stood over Noah, chest heaving, heart racing.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Noah.” Her voice cracked on his name. “I hate fighting with you. Why can’t you just leave it alone? Just leave it alone, please.”

Noah’s eyes softened, his hand reaching up to cup her cheek in his palm. He let his thumb absentmindedly swipe across her bottom lip, tugging it down slightly.

“Because even though you’re my best friend in this entire world, and it’s wrong, I want nothing more than to hear you moan my name again.”

Quinn froze. What did he just say? Surely she didn’t hear him right. There was no way. Slowly she straightened her spine, standing up fully again. That was the last thing she expected him to say.

“But I also don’t want to lose you just because I’m an idiot that couldn’t keep his hands to himself.”

Tags: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard @mrscevans @supersquirrel1996

[ahgasegotarmy116]

what was jk’s initial reaction to the revelation? Like after oc went outside to cool off and he was left with Jared and Jina. Did he tell them off? I really wanted to see what he would tell Jared since he was apperantly giving him the stink eye for a while now

"Jina" I call after her as I watch her stalking towards Jared as he walks back into the house after chasing y/n. "What?" she spits out, whipping her head back around to face me. 

"Wanna try that again?" I ask, cocking a brow at her and she stiffens after realizing what she had done. "I'm sorry dad I just...well Jared he-" "What were you thinking Jina? Sneaking around with your best friend's boyfriend? Oh I'm sorry her fiancé" I say, throwing it back at her again to instill further guilt. "I raised you better than this and you know that" I growl out, trying to keep my anger at bay. 

"How could you do this? Y/n was your first and from what I can see only true friend you've had since we moved here. Why would you do something that cruel?" I ask, clearly not understanding how my own daughter could cause someone that we both care about such heartbreak.

"I don't know dad it just happened okay. There's nothing I can do about it now so can we just drop it already?" she says, her head on a swivel, no doubt looking for where Jared had disappeared to. "No we can't just drop it. I expect to see you and Jared in my study. Now!" I bark out and her whole body stiffens in fear before running off to find him. 

~~~~

I hear a faint knock at the door and grant them entry without even glancing up. 

"You wanted to see us?" Jared asks with that all to familiar arrogant tone. "Sit" I bark out and they both take a seat at the two chairs I have placed in front of my desk.  I stand up and glare down at Jared thinking about how easy it would be to snap his neck right now. 

He's been a thorn in my side ever since Jina brought him and y/n over to the house for the first time and I've been waiting for the day I could put him in place. Although I wish it was under different circumstances. 

His gaze always full of lust towards both of them when they weren't looking but oh how I saw it. I saw it every damn time and I kept my mouth shut mistakenly thinking that my daughter would stay as far away from him in terms of anything more than a platonic friendship and even that had me grinding my teeth at the thought. 

"You're lucky you're not six feet under for what you did to y/n and Jina" I growl at him, holding myself back from hurting him. "Are you serious? She came onto me" he claims but I know without even looking at Jina that it's a lie. 

"Oh yeah and so I guess you really don't have much of a brain if you couldn't tell her no or get her off of you. Or did you even try?" I add, cocking my head, cracking my neck in the process to gain some form of relief from the stiffness that come over me after I heard those devastating words leave y/n's mouth. 

"Right" I say, filling up the silence Jared had left, all of us knowing he would be lying if he said otherwise. I take a deep breath before turning my back to them to compose myself before saying another word. 

"I'm keeping the baby dad" she says, making the choice I was sure she would've made anyway, at least this way one less person has to suffer. Life might've been seen as being 'better' if she had taken the easy way out but we all know that we would've felt their absence everyday if she had. 

"Did he force himself on you?" I ask her, not daring to look him in the eye otherwise I might snap. "Are you seriously asking if I raped her?" Jared says, getting up out of his chair and after that I'm at my limit and loom over him and look him dead in the eye, this time asking him the question since he so eagerly jumped in before she could answer. 

"Yeah Jared I am. Did you rape my daughter" I growl out, praying to anyone who might hear me that the answer is no. "No I didn't fucking rape her" he grits his teeth and flares his nostrils, clearly trying and failing to intimidate me. 

"He got me drunk dad but I said yes" Jina admits to me and before Jared gets whatever insult that had been bubbling in his throat out my fist collides with his face, leaving him falling to the floor and coughing back the pain from the blow. 

"Fuck" he groans out as he staggers up to his feet. 

"If I catch you anywhere near this house. If I see you touching either one of them I will gut you from the inside out you hear me?" I bark out at him and he flinches back at the volume, now knowing that violence is not beneath me when it comes to my girls. 

"Yes sir" he says, hissing at the sting of his busted lip. "Get the hell out of my sight" I say and turn my back to him again and hear him stalk out of my office and out the front door. 

"Dad why-" "Why did I what? Punch the guy who got my daughter vulnerable enough to be able to convince her to have sex with him and is now pregnant with his baby? Are you really asking me why I did that?" I scoff and she tries to speak again but I cut her off before she can say anything else. 

"How long?" I question, waiting for the answer and dreading the number. "Wha-" "How long have you been sleeping with him Jina for fucks sake just answer the question" I shout and watch her cower back into her chair. 

"Why are you talking to me like this? You've never yelled at me before" she asks, making my heart break as I see glimpses of the broken little girl I know she hides inside of her but not letting up because I know she needs discipline and not sympathy right now. 

"How, long?" I say again, emphasizing each word. "Six months" she whispers out, cringing at revealing the shameful amount of time they had spent together. "How far along are you?" I question, this time a bit gentler. "Two months" she says even quieter than the last. 

"Do you have a doctor?" I question, wanting to make sure that she and the baby are being looked after properly. "Not yet" she says hanging her head, finally letting her shame consume her entire being. "Get one and tell me the name so I can cover the costs" I say, my back turned to her, trying to withhold that part of me that wants to hold her and tell her everything is going to be okay. But she fucked up, and she deserves to feel the guilt and the shame of her actions for a while now that it's out in the open.

"Dad I can-" "This isn't open for discussion Jina. Find a doctor and send me their information or I will find one for you myself. Now leave, I don't want you coming back here until I say so" I say, keeping my voice as level as I can. 

"But dad I-" "No Jina, go. We'll discuss this later" I say, leaving the room before I have a chance to lose my resolve and go to the nearest bedroom to calm down before seeing the rest of our lingering guests out. 

~~~~~

Hope this answered your question hehe

Thanks for the ask love 🥰

[artdivadej]

Survivor's Remorse (II)

Part Two

18+ | NSFW | PTSD

Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

How could I?

Peeta didn’t look scared but that didn’t make this ok. He’s a guy, of course his body would react on instinct. I had no right. I immediately bolt from the bed before he can grab me with those powerful hands of his. Always trying to hold me together and I’d violated him.

“I’m so sorry”, I gasped fighting my tears of disgust.

“Sweetness, you did nothing wrong”, he called in that honey sweet baritone.

I must have looked as feral as I did when I was coming off of the trackerjacker venom during my post-torture rescue. He only ever used that tone with me when I was about to lose my shit.

“I just assaulted you Peeta!”

“No. You were sleeping you-”

“Exactly! Just like what Marvel did to me! You were unconscious!”

“It’s not the same”, he tried softly. “You know how I feel about you. Marvel had no right to touch you!”

I forgot how wild the mention of Marvel made Peeta. I’d never watched our games, no intentions on seeing myself suffer in HD when it never left my nightmares. Marvel was the only tribute that Peeta had killed but I’d been unconscious when it happened. I’d woken up 3 days later latched onto Peeta like a tick, refusing to let go. No panties or shirt under my jacket and jeans but very sore. Marvel was nowhere in sight but, there was blood on the left wall of the cave. Peeta told me he’d gotten to me in time but with the soreness I had? It was clearly to keep what little sanity I’d had left intact. I allowed them to think I’d believed the lie.

It took what little good I had left in me. Forever taking what little hope I had to be with Peeta away.

“I was unconscious. So were you. Unconscious people can’t say no”, I snarled taking another step backwards.

“It’s not the same. I invited you into my bed. I lov-”

“Stop it!” I screeched bolting from the room.

I can hear Peeta scrambling to get together to come behind me but I’ve always been faster. And I cared little for pants anyway. I darted out the window and took off to the forest. It’d grown much lusher since the districts can come and go between each other. It was warm out even with night still reigning. I needed to hurt something so I didn’t hurt myself. Going to my hollowed-out trunk I bypassed the bow today, needing more personal methods of killing tonight.

I stayed out until the sky began to turn Peeta’s favorite colors. Taking that as my sign to head back with my haul. I left half of my kill in the ice cooler in the now updated shed out here that the hunters have asked my permission to utilize. They can carry the heavy buck back to town themselves. I’d skinned it. They can do the rest.

After taking a bath in the pond I finally trekked back to the Victors Village, peeking around the homes to make sure Peeta wasn’t in sight. When the coast was clear I slid into the side window of Haymitch’s living room and started a fire, depositing my kill in the sink. He was fast asleep in one of the armchairs in front of the fire with a cup beside him. I fumbled through the middle cabinet in the back compartment for my secret stash. Found em! I grabbed three of the bottles of the clear liquid and plopped down on the loveseat in front of the fire.

“Want some pants there sweetheart?”, he chuckles with a stretch that makes his bones pop loudly.

“No. But I’ll take a blanket”

He removed the black fuzzy blanket from the chair that Peeta usually sits in and draped it over my legs since I was sitting Indian-style on the couch staring into the flames. The smell of his cinnamon wafted into my nostrils hitting me with another wave of guilt.

“You know he was here looking for you last night, right?”

“I’m sure”, I grimace swallowing 1/3 of the first bottle in one swig.

I understood why Haymitch used to drown himself daily to numb the memories. I quite liked the burn of alcohol myself and the dreamy state that I felt when it hit.

“A bit early for you, isn’t it?”

“You’re one to talk”, I snort

“Exactly. I said early for you”

He took the second bottle from my lap and poured half into his teacup. I shoot him a halfhearted smirk. Haymitch was my mentor but he became more of a father to me than I’d ever known. I liked that he was flawed. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone in this. He didn’t judge me. Haymitch just was blunt. Not everyone liked that. I did. We’d grown close in our last 5 years together knowing he wasn’t one to lie to me....normally. We sat in comfortable silence for a little while before it came tumbling out.

“I molested Peeta”, I breath shakily as I take another gulp.

Haymitch choked on his hot toddy and slammed the cup down. He was on the couch beside me forcing me to look at him faster than I could register with his powerful grip. Sometimes I forget just how agile he can be.

“That is not what you did! Don’t fucking say that again!”

“It’s what it feels like! I was never supposed to taint him!”

“Grow up! You’re both adults now. You know good and God damn well if Peeta invited you to sleep in that bed with him, he’s more than willing to take whatever you give him. He wouldn’t have allowed you to sleep beside him anymore once you turned 18 if you both hadn’t known what could come from your little arrangement!”

“Not like that Pops”, I cried wiping my eyes in frustration. “I almost did to him what Marvel did to me. It’s why I can’t with Peeta. He deserves so much better”

“Is that what you really think happened?”

I’d never seen Haymitch’s crystal blue eyes so downhearted. To finally understand that I never once believed any of them when they told me that lie to keep me sane.

That I know they’d all lied to me.

“If you refuse to watch the game, I think you owe it to Peeta to ask him about what happened that night”

“I did”

He knew this entire topic left me feeling as raw as if the gamemakers rubbed me through a grater.

“No, you didn’t. In the games all you did was ask what happened to Marvel. You never talked about it when he told you he got to you in time. You just assumed he meant saving your life”

“Drop it”

“No. Talk to him about it. It didn’t happen”

“Your pussy didn’t hurt for a week!”, I shout into his stupefied face pushing him away from me and stomping to the kitchen to grab another bottle now that mine were empty.

Haymitch is on me in seconds.

“Look, we can drink ourselves blue, but go sit. Get warm. I’ve got this. We’re going to talk about this. Now”

I resign myself to listen, my body already wracked with physical exhaustion. I didn’t want to deal with the emotional draining this topic required. I curl back up under the soft covers, staring into the flames, wishing they’d swallow me whole. The one person I swore to protect, I’d violated. Yet he’d come here looking for me worried about my mental health. Haymitch has made me a hot toddy and it warms my whole body with each sip.

“You were right you know”

“I always am” he huffed indignantly

“I could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve him”

“I was being bitter when I said that”

“Still true”

“Never was. You underestimate him as a man and that’s your problem. I know you’re healing; you’re growing. We all are. But you need to accept that he is a man now. Peeta is fully aware of the consequences to all of the choices you two make. Respect him by accepting that”

“I know full well what an amazing person Peeta is”

“Clearly. I said as a man. If you’re dry humping him in your dreams, might as well accept that you love him too. No point in fighting it sweetheart. Truth be told, I thought this happened years ago”

“Haymitch!”

Either the liquor was kicking in or he just was feeling unusually open today. We never really discussed my private life with Peeta sleeping at my place or me at his. I did feel quite loose but I didn’t feel safe. I eyed the chair warily but decided I would need his scent to sleep comfortably. I dragged the comforter up with me and curled into the plush armchair Peeta always sat in, burying my nose in the arm cushion. It smelled just like him. Bread, butter, whiskey and honeysuckle.

“You love him and it’s time to accept it. Even if you were just friends, you don’t think you owe him a conversation about what happened? No matter how in denial you are about what happened in your games”

“I’m scared”, I admit with a tremble as my body sags further into the chair.

I’d only slept for 2 hours at Peeta’s and I was exhausted, the liquor snatching the rest of my energy that his comforting scent hadn’t. I’d been comfortable pretending to believe the lie without ever having to discuss it.

“You’ll get over it” Haymitch snorts tucking the blanket in tighter around me

I feel a kiss to my forehead before I’m out.

***

Haymitch slipped some morphling in your drink. It was easy to get you to listen when he slipped you some after coming down from a manic episode as your sanity lapsed sometimes. It still happened to him sometimes too. It bothered him that you’d felt this way for 5 years but, hopefully you and Peeta would work that out.

Speaking of which.

Haymitch made his way 5 houses down, not bothering to knock as he strolled into Peeta’s kitchen. He’d been up all night worried about you. It was clear because there was fresh baked bread, rolls and bagels all over the counters. Haymitch pocketed 2 rolls clearly made from District 4’s tropical ingredients. Finnick must have sent some over. He grabbed a loaf of raisin bread that had to have come out recently because it was steaming. Peeta looked up from the sink hearing Haymitch crunch on a bear-claw behind him noisily. He quickly dropped the pan he’d been holding and darted over, his wide brown eyes full of worry.

“Is she ok?”

“You are free to come and pick up your delightful cinnamon roll at your leisure. She’s passed out in your chair. Again”

“Did...did you slip her morphling?”

“Didn’t have much choice after the nonsense she was talking”

“What do you mean?”

Peeta removed his apron and slipped on a hoodie, following Haymitch down the front stairs. Haymitch stopped and let out a sigh that seemed like it weighed his entire spirit down.

“She thinks she molested you. And that Marvel raped her”

Now it was Peeta’s turn to recoil.

“What?”

“Exactly”

It would take at least 6 hours for the morphling to wear off but Peeta was nothing if he wasn’t patient. He waited 11 years just to be noticed by you. He could wait a few more hours to clear this up and truly make you his. He made his way into Haymitch’s living room to see you passed out on his lounge. Nuzzling your nose deep into the cushions to feel as if you were surrounded by his natural smell. This brought Peeta some comfort. You still only wore one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxershorts, but it was clear you’d been out hunting. There were still some leaves in your long, dark curls. There were still some leaves in your long, dark curls. He plucked them out and ran his fingers through them tenderly.

“Sorry about this”

“Don’t be. Just...work this out. Today”

“I will”

Peeta scooped you into his arms with ease, blanket and all, carrying you to his home and lying you down back in the bed. He had at least an hour before you began to fight at the morphling, realizing you were alone.

He had to find that tape.

Then he'd have to wake up an old ally. Hopefully he'd have time for him right now.

It took about 20 minutes of fumbling through the large box from when Effie had sent the previous victor tapes over for the Quarter Quell but he finally found it. It took another 20 minutes to split the particularly unpleasant angles out, Peeta grit his teeth angrily trying to keep his head together as his rage threatened to consume him. Beetee helped him through it, talking deeply and gently through their breathing and processing techniques. Once he had the tape together he took it into the bedroom and lay it on the nightstand. Watching you sleep for a little bit, wanting to climb in beside you so bad.

A few hours of indulgence couldn't hurt.

[pablitogavii]

Same to you

Summary: read it ;)

Pairing: Pablo Gavira x Reader

Warnings: smutty!

It's been five months since you've ended your one year relationship with Pablo Gavira. Why? Till this day it felt like the stupidest decision you've ever made but it was the only thing you could do at that time.

He was focused on his career and you were overwhelmed from school work so you began taking frustration out on each other. It started with frequent arguments to shouting sessions (followed by the best angry sex btw) to complete silence.

"What have we become Pablo?" you said with tears spilling down your cheeks.

"I don't know amor...I don't know" he answered those being the last words he said to you before you travelled back to Valencia needing to be away from him.

You were back to Barcelona only for the big Spotify event in which your new boyfriend Luca, famous Spanish singer, performed.

He was a good and kind man, treated you right, but something was always missing...even in all that perfection you missed Pablo whenever you would try to go to sleep.

The last thing you expected is for Pablo to be at the very same event but then you learned that Spotify became one of biggest partners with Barça team.

"Alright, I have to go bebe. I'll search for you in the crowd" Luca said pecking your lips which made Pablo clench his jaw observing it from the corner of the room.

Truth be told, it's been the hardest five months of his life since you left...he couldn't even play football the same way, he was angry all the times, and seeing you with someone else made him want to punch something so badly right now!!

"Fancy seeing you here princesa..." Pablo approached behind you carrying that famous footballer confidence that always made your knees weak but you did your best to keep a cold exterior.

"How are you Pablo?" you say not turning to look at him knowing that seeing those eyes this close would only tempt you more.

"Shouldn't you be looking at me while talking? Or are you scared where that might lead, huh princesa?" he was confident like always and it started to get on your nerves. You wanted to show him that he doesn't own you anymore...although deep down he always will.

"I'm waiting for my boyfriend to get on stage" you answer bitterly highlighting on the title on purpose which made Pablo angrier.

"Can your boyfriend make you cum the way I can?" he whispered into your ear while his hand slowly snaked around your wast resting on your stomach and you felt a cold shiver move down your spine as craving started to build in the pit of your stomach.

Truth be told, you never came since the last time you were with Gavi...and he seemed to sense your deprivation...little devil!

You quickly pulled away turning around to face him and immediately you felt an urge to smash your lips onto his plum ones missing that familiar sweet taste but instead you walked away from the crowd and he followed after you.

"You're full of shit Gavira!" you spat angrily still walking away but when you came to the secluded corner he was quick to grab your wrist and push you up against nearby wall before hovering over your and trapping you in between his strong arms.

"You think I'm full of shit!?" he growled moving closer looking at your lips seductively.

"I do!" you spat feeling your heart beating fast against your chest at his proximity that familiar musk filling your nostrils.

"You think I'm full of shit!? Me?? Yeah!?" he repeated getting even closer and you stared him straight in the eyes which took him by surprise.

"I do!" you repeated trying to sound as confident as you could.

"And what about you huh!? What about you and Mr. signer?" he said angrily and you felt your panties getting wetter from Pablo's jealous side that made you curious to test his limits.

"What about it!?" you say

"What!? You want me to believe that that's real!? That you are happy!? That you are in love with him!?" he spat angrily and you smirked making up the biggest lie of your life.

"I am happy! And I am in love!" you yell and he smirks shaking his head and tucking a loose strand of your hair behind your ear.

"Oh come on princesa! I know you...and I know what it looks like when you're in love with someone....and when you are satisfied" he rested his forehead against yours and you just stood there for a few moments before his hands held your face and his lips were on yours giving you back all that was missing for months.

"Mmm you still taste the same..tell me...does he love like I do? Hm?" he pulled you into a secluded corned starting to kiss down your neck and you moved your head to the side to give him more access desperately needing more.

"Does he touch like I do? Does it feel the same to you?" he whispered marking up your skin feverishly and you finally let out a moan which made him pull back teasingly until he heard a response he was waiting from you.

"No.." you looked down but he raised your chin making you look into his eyes while your thighs were rubbing together in desperation.

"Tell me now.." Pablo was biting his lower lips while you blushed more knowing how much his ego was growing from hearing you admit this but you just wanted to feel something again...you wanted him back.

"No Pablo...he doesn't love like you do..he doesn't touch like you do...I need you..only you.." you spoke as his smirk grew and he took your hand quickly leaving the venue and taking the cab to his apartment.

The moment you walked into his apartment, your dress was on the floor and he was kissing your neck from behind taking off his suit and pulling you into his bedroom laying you gently on his kind sized bed.

"Eres tan sexy mi preciosa ... y toda mía!" Pablo smirked getting in between your thighs and kissing your lips passionately while you moaned his name desperately.

"Tell me...does he fill you up like me...make your back arch as you beg me to cum...hmmm...my poor princesa, could he even make you cum?" he was touching you enjoying the wetness of your folds before entering you in one swift motion.

"Noo.." you admitted and he pitted you while smirking proud to be the only one to make you cum..to make you crazy.

"Should I let you cum tho? Or should I punish you for leaving me? Do you know how miserable I was without you huh!? I was fucking lost!" Pablo was fucking you roughly letting out his anger in the best way possible and you were enjoying every moment of it.

"Ah..p..please..I'm sorry..so sorry papi.." you were desperate clenching around him knowing you needed his permission before finally releasing all the tension built up for five full months of abstinence.

"Aww my sweet princesa...tell papi you won't leave him again..tell him you can't live without him..beg me preciosa!" he was grunting getting close to his own high and you obeyed helplessly.

"I will never leave you again papi...I need you...I love only you..ahh..please" you menage to speak with occasional moans and he seemed satisfied capturing your lips before whispering "cum for me" and you did like never before feeling your thighs shake around him.

"Mierda! You are fucking perfect...and mine!" Pablo filled you up his sweaty forehead against yours before your lips met once more before you laid next to each other catching breaths.

You moved to lay your head on his sweaty chest happily and he hugged your protectively kissing your forehead before putting blanked over both of you.

You phone beeped continuously with numerous messages surely from your now long forgotten boyfriend and you reached to grab your phone but Pablo stopped you.

He moved you on top of him kissing your lips passionately before moving away with a big smirk on his face.

"He can fuck off! You are my girl anyways.." he said cockily and you chuckled kissing his lips again forgetting immediately about the phone as you both felt turned on once again...;)

[ambrossart]

Paper Men: Ch. 31 *Preview #2*

Once again, apologies for the long wait. I should have the full release ready to go next week.

This preview contains the full Evelyn-Henry flashback (I shared a small excerpt from it previously) as well as some additional content.

Thanks for reading! ❤️

Word count: 3,200

____________________________________________

"Did you get a brain freeze, too?"

Henry had been sitting on the curb, just like he was doing now, when he felt someone sit down next to him. It was a girl, younger than he was, smaller than he was, dressed in a pink shirt with yellow flowers on the front. Her lips were stained a deep and absurd purple, but Henry hadn’t cared enough to ask why.

“Go away,” he said, but she didn’t. She just sat there staring at him with this dumb, fascinated expression, her head tossed to one side, purple lips slightly parted as if struck by sudden bewilderment. Henry glared back at her uncomfortably, feeling vulnerable and exposed. He didn’t like those brown eyes of hers, so large and curious. They seemed to be searching for something, something Henry kept hidden deep inside him… and they found it; somehow, they found it.

He saw her hand coming toward him next, reaching, preparing to take it, and he smacked her hand away as hard as he could. It all happened so fast. Lightning fast. Henry never even had a chance to think about it. His fist made a loud, meaty thwack. It was a very satisfying sound—the sound of power, the sound of respect, the sound of ill-mannered children finally being put back in their place. But then those eyes, those curious brown eyes, widened with such surprised hurt. The sight of them made Henry’s screaming red world bleed away. Guilt cut through him. His left hand uncurled and fell limp at his side. He had hit her too hard, much too hard, and now her hand was turning red, much too red. She cradled it against her chest and bore her pain in silence, just as his mother had.

“Sorry,” she said afterward. Her voice was soft and timid. 

What are you saying sorry for? Henry thought, dumbfounded, while his culpable hand lay open beside him. He hadn’t meant to hit her so hard.

“You have a cut on your face,” the girl said carefully. “Does it hurt?”

“Huh?” Henry touched his hand to the apple of his cheek and felt the ghostly twinge of last night’s wound. His cut had started to bleed again, but only a little. “Oh… no.”

“Well, it looks like it hurts.” 

The girl observed her injured hand and flexed it a few times: opening it, closing it, wiggling all of her fingers. She seemed satisfied, but Henry wasn’t. He really shouldn’t have hit her so hard.

“You should put a bandaid on that cut,” she said, “or else it could get infected.” 

“Infected?” 

“Mhm, and that would be bad… like really bad. You might need an amputation.” 

“Am-pyuh-tay-shun?” The word was large and ominous. “What’s that?”

“It’s when the doctor cuts off part of your body. My friend Vic told me about it once. It sounds really scary.” 

“They would cut off my face?”

“I guess so.” 

Henry tried to imagine that, but he couldn’t. 

“I think you’re lying,” he said. “You’re trying to trick me.” 

“I’m not lying. I never lie.” 

“Everyone lies.” 

“Well, I don’t.” 

“That’s a lie right there.” 

Glaring at him, the girl opened her mouth to argue, snapped it closed without a word, and then forced a big huff of hot air through her nostrils. “Well, you should get one anyway.” 

“Get what?”

“A bandaid. Just in case.”

Henry frowned. “I don’t have any bandaids.” 

“You don’t? Hmm… well, doesn’t your mom have some?”

Henry’s frown deepened. It hurt too much to think about his mom right now. “I guess she does… or she did… but I don’t know where she keeps them.”

“Oh…” Her face crinkled into a troubled expression. “My mom keeps ours under the sink in her bathroom. She has a whole case of ‘em. I’m not supposed to go in there ‘cause there’s really dangerous stuff under the sink, chemicals and stuff, but…” She went quiet for a minute, lost in grave contemplation. Then she hopped to her feet. “Okay, I’ll be back.”

Back?

That word made Henry’s whole body tense up. He thought of his mother’s kitchen pantry, of that empty shelf where the chicken stock was supposed to sit, and he drew his knees into his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “If you wanna go, just go. You don’t have to make up a lie.” 

“What? I’m not lying. I’m gonna go get you a bandaid. Then I’ll come right back.” She turned around, took a few steps, and stopped. “Hey, you’re not gonna leave, are you?”

“Huh?”

“If I come back and you’re not here, I’m gonna be really mad.” 

Henry couldn’t imagine this girl being mad, not even a little bit. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said anyway. 

“Pinky swear?”

“What?”

“Pinky swear!” She came to him with her right pinky out. Henry let her hook it around his. He felt like he had no other choice. “Now you better not be lying,” she said, “or else your pinky will fall off.”

“What?”

She giggled. “Just kidding! My dad says that all the time. It probably won’t happen, but you better keep your promise anyway, just in case.” She released his pinky and stepped back again, her warmth lingering on his skin. “I’ll be back in, uhh, five minutes, okay? Wait right here.” 

She took off running and was gone. Henry sat on the curb and waited. Five minutes came, then went. Ten minutes came, then went. With each passing second, Henry felt his disappointment building, burning, rekindling his briefly forgotten hatred. 

Everyone lies. Why did he think she would be any different? 

Henry considered leaving himself. A couple times he almost did, but then he looked down at his pinky, remembered his promise, and sat back down. He waited for twenty minutes that day, sure that she was never coming back, scared that she was never coming back, and then he heard her cheerful voice ringing in the distance: 

“Mission accomplished!” 

She was running and panting and lugging a giant plastic case along by the handle. She had gone to get a bandaid and came back with her mother’s first aid kit. 

“Why’d you bring the whole thing?” Henry asked, marveling at her.

“I didn’t know what size to get.” 

Turns out, the girl wasn’t a liar, after all. She just had no concept of time.

She sat down beside him, caught her breath, popped open the case, and started pulling out bandaids and comparing them against the size of Henry’s cut. “Too big… too big… way too big… hmm…” She held up a tiny yellow bandaid and kept it there for a moment, her brown eyes taking on a prideful shine. “This one. This one’s perfect.” While unwrapping it, she said, “These are my special bandaids, but you can have one. I don’t mind.” 

She pressed the bandaid to his cheek. It almost felt like a kiss. 

“There,” she said. “You should be okay now.” 

Henry felt his face get hot, but not unpleasantly so. “They won’t cut my face off?” 

“I hope not.” The girl smiled at him, a sunny, perfect smile, and Henry’s face got hotter still. “I’m Evelyn, but you can call me Evie if you want. Most people do.”

“Okay.” 

Evelyn giggled. Her laugh was as sweet and disarming as she was. “You’re supposed to say your name now.” 

“Oh…” Henry reached down to dust off some of the dirt from his black sneakers. Hers were white, pretty, and had been doodled all over with colored markers. “It’s Henry. My name’s Henry.”

She said Henry was a very nice name, that it suited him perfectly, but Henry had never thought so, not until he heard her say it. 

Evelyn. So her name was Evelyn… but you can call me Evie if you want. Most people do. But he wouldn’t. No, if most people called her Evie, then Henry didn’t want to. He wanted to call her something different. Something special. Something that made her think of him. Only him. Henry didn’t know where this feeling came from, but he knew it couldn’t be ignored.

“Hey, Evie!” someone shouted from far away. 

Henry looked across the street and saw two boys standing on the other side. One was small and scrawny, with dirty blond hair, a shade lighter than Henry’s own. The other boy was taller, with darker hair, and he didn’t look like he wanted to be there at all. Evelyn’s face lit up as soon as she saw them. Meanwhile, Henry sat in her shadow, feeling cold and alone. He didn’t like these two boys, whoever they were. He wanted them to go away.

“Jimmy,” Evelyn said, “you’re back!” 

“Uh-huh!” The small boy—Jimmy—answered. “We’re heading over to the playground now if you wanna come.”

Evelyn gasped excitedly. “I can come? Really? You’re not fooling?”

The tall boy answered with an annoyed groan: “No, Evelyn, we’re not fooling you. Now hurry up before we change our minds.” 

The small boy said something then, something Henry couldn’t quite hear, but whatever it was, it made the tall boy go quiet, shuffle back a step, and stare down at the ground. Henry didn’t like this tall boy, not at all, yet he couldn’t understand why.

Even more upsetting was how fast Evelyn jumped to her feet. 

“This is my time to shine!” she said to herself. “Don’t mess this up, Evie, don’t mess this up!”

And now that cold feeling was back again. She was leaving. She was leaving with those two boys and Henry would never see her again. I don’t care, Henry decided. He wasn’t planning on sticking around anyway.

But then he heard Evelyn’s voice again, and felt her bright smile warming his face.

“You wanna come to the playground with us? Vic can be a little mean sometimes, but Jimmy’s really nice. We can play on the jungle gym and the merry-go-round and swing on the swings. I like to swing real high and then jump off—shoom!—but I fall sometimes. Last week, I hurt my knee. See?” She showed Henry the scabbed-over scrape on her right knee. Henry thought she needed to be more careful. “It doesn’t hurt anymore, but my mom said I’m not allowed to jump off the swings anymore. She said I might break something, and that would be bad… Anyway, you wanna come? It’ll be a lotta fun.”

Henry shook his head. He didn’t want to go to the playground, not if those boys were going, too. 

“Oh…” She pouted a little. “Well, I guess I’ll see you at school then. I’m starting kindergarten tomorrow. I’m a little scared, but mostly excited. What grade are you in?”

“First grade,” Henry answered. His kindergarten teacher, Miss Kissel, had recommended he stay in kindergarten for another year (he wasn’t learning his letters fast enough), but his father didn’t think that was necessary. Now Henry wished he had been kept back. It would’ve been nice to see Evelyn at school every day.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Evelyn said, sounding equally disappointed. “Well, maybe I’ll see you at recess… maybe… but you’ll probably be playing with your other friends then. You’ll probably ignore me. Boys always get meaner when they’re with their other friends. It’s not really fair, but—” 

“I don’t have any friends,” Henry told her, “but you probably won’t see me anyway.” 

“Huh? Why not?”

“Because I’m running away today.” 

Evelyn’s eyes widened. “Running away?” She clasped her hands over her mouth and stared at him in disbelief. It was as if Henry had just uttered the mother of all curse words. Shock and sadness swam in her eyes. In a heartbroken voice, she asked, “Why would you wanna run away?” 

Her friends were calling out to her now: “Evie! Evie! Are you coming or not?” 

“I’m coming!” Evelyn yelled back frantically. “Don’t go without me, I’m coming!” She looked at her friends, then down at Henry, and her face darkened with conflicted pain. “I wanna go, but…”

In the end, she didn’t. She told her friends to go play without her. 

“C’mon,” she said to Henry, “I wanna show you something,” and she took him to her special spot, which would eventually become their special spot, situated outside the Derry city limits.

“You said you wanted to get outta Derry, right? Well, here ya go! You’re officially outta Derry. Pretty neat, huh?” 

It was just a rock on the side of the road, a giant rock surrounded by dirt, grass, and trees, yet it was the only place Henry could breathe freely, think clearly. Henry always wondered why that was. Maybe it was the location or maybe it was simply the company he kept. He and Evelyn stayed on that rock for the rest of the day, huddled together, sometimes talking, sometimes just sitting quietly and enjoying the silence. Afterward, as the sun began to set, she turned to him with the saddest smile Henry had ever seen.

“I have to go home now,” she said, “but you can stay if you want… or leave; I guess you can do that too, if you still want to.” 

Henry had every intention of running away that day. In hindsight, he probably should have.

But how could he leave when Evelyn was still stuck in Derry?

She’s not worth it, Henry thought presently, soberly, his anger finally receding into a woeful grey calm. Did I really say that to her? Did I? Did I?

Yes. Yes, he did. 

The realization made his stomach wrench with such sickening guilt. He hadn’t meant to say that. She had to know he had never meant to say that… not out loud, anyway. 

Another wave of guilt crashed over him. Bearing it, Henry lifted his head and felt a tear escape his eye. Just one. One was all he could manage. It slipped out, stopped halfway down his face, and dried there against the wind. No more tears came after that. It had been a long time since Henry allowed himself to have a proper cry. He didn’t trust himself anymore. The last time had really fucked things up for him. 

I guess that’s my fault, too. 

Henry didn’t know why he sought out Evelyn that day, why that one beating broke him more than any of the others. His dad found out he was failing math, geography, and English, and Henry would have to attend summer school if he wanted to stay on track. His dad said summer school wasn’t an option. Butch couldn’t afford to be down a man during the farm’s busiest season. Henry refused. He didn’t want to repeat the ninth grade, fall behind, and watch his friends go on without him—and he wouldn't. Butch, saying nothing, struck him with his open palm and sent him sprawling across the kitchen floor. Then he ripped off his belt and hit him a dozen more times. At least. Henry stopped counting after that. It didn’t matter how many times that belt came down, how hard it came down; all Henry could think about was Evelyn moving on without him, graduating without him, getting out of Derry, going off to college, getting married, raising a family, all while Henry was stuck right here. In this house. In this hell. Alone. 

Maybe that was what broke him. Maybe that was why he so desperately needed to see her that day. 

So he did. Henry went to her and she was there. Didn’t even ask him what happened. She probably didn’t need to. 

And when Evelyn brought him into her house, into her room, into her bed, when Henry sat upon her soft floral quilt and saw all the postcards on her wall—depicting places Henry would probably never see himself—something inside him shattered. He started sobbing uncontrollably, releasing a near decade’s worth of pent-up emotions. He thought of his mother, of the last kiss she ever gave him. He thought of her empty bed and her closet full of clothes. All her makeup. Her hairbrush. Her jewelry. Everything exactly as she left it. He thought of the broken picture frame on top of his dresser. He had torn out her photo years ago but kept the frame. It was still there, right next to the blue gel pen Evelyn had given him earlier that year. Henry never used it because he didn’t want the ink to run out, because he knew one day that pen would be the only thing he had left of her, and that made him cry even harder. Grief suffocated him. Reality slipped away from him. His mind skidded sideways and suddenly he was back in his house, in his kitchen, bawling under the table like a baby, like a scared little baby waiting for his mommy to come home. Except she was never coming home. 

That’s when he heard Evelyn’s voice and felt her warm weight next to him, friendly, womanly, perhaps even a little motherly—yeah, there was no denying that. Ten years ago, Henry’s mother walked out of his life. The next day, Evelyn entered it. She was five. She was fifteen. She was sitting right beside him, always beside him. It didn’t matter where Henry was, what he said, what he did, Evelyn was always there: as his friend, his mother, his lover, whatever Henry needed her to be. 

That day, he just needed her to be there.

I think I’m putting too much on you, he realized then as he looked at her, her face awash with sympathy and sorrow, brown eyes reflecting his pain. She looked so beautiful like that. How much more can you take before you break, I wonder. A lot? A little? Can you handle just a little more? 

It was almost sadistic, the way he treated her, but Henry didn’t care. He couldn’t care. He ached so deeply and she was the only one who could make that pain go away. It was hard not to get a little greedy. Was it fair? Probably not, but then again life wasn’t fair, was it? Henry didn’t ask to be born into an abusive household. Didn’t ask for his mother to abandon him. Didn’t ask for Evelyn to wander over, sit down next to him, and smile that perfect smile. She just appeared. She appeared when Henry needed her most. Almost like she was made for him. Why shouldn’t he use her as often as he pleased? However he pleased? Why shouldn’t he take and take and take until there’s nothing left? Henry hated himself for thinking this, yet he selfishly clung to her anyway. He almost cried when he felt her hand brush against his face, warm, soft. Her sparkling eyes sought his earnestly, innocently, and asked for a little something in return. Henry knew what she wanted. He had seen it in her eyes ten years ago. He thought she had forgotten about it by now.

Take it, he thought. It’s broken and worthless now, but you can have it if you want. It’s probably all rotten inside, but you can have it if you want. I won’t fight you anymore. Just don’t blame me if it kills you in the end. I never asked for any of this.

[fountainpenguin]

"He has more than nine lives, so he picks himself up and keeps climbing for the prize... again."

---

Summary: If Cody's wheelchair falls off the Dock of Shame into the lake and only Chris and Heather are around, does anyone care?

"Sunk Too Deep"

Read on dA || Read on FFN || Read on AO3

[ Warning for canon bear mauling injuries ]

Originally posted on dA - July 8th, 2015! Happy 8 years!

---

Well, I'm not planning to repost all my Total Drama 'fics on AO3, but "Sunk Too Deep" was always the fan-favorite of my gallery, so I want to add it for preservation reasons <3

Apparently the OG has 19.3k views, and I know they're inflated by dA's weird search system but... dang. Congrats to 2015 me.

If there are other favorites people would be interested in me porting over to AO3, let me know! :)

(First 1000 words under the cut)

I dragged Cody's wheelchair to the confessional instead of pushing it. The rubber wheels snagged in the untrimmed grass and sometimes made the whole thing tip onto one side, but I'd stopped caring. I had more than enough time to kill tonight. Leshawna had holed herself up in the bathrooms with Beth and Lindsay for the last hour, scrubbing out the paintball splatters until their skin turned red and lumpy. When I'd last checked, she'd been about to start on their hair.

"Well, here we are, dork." I righted Cody's chair again and parked it outside the confessional door. "You really think you're up for this?"

Cody nodded. He said something too, but the words died out behind his mask of bandages. I hoped that if he made any attempt to get me eliminated from the island tonight, Chris would drop his vote on the grounds that it was unintelligible.

"Courtney, are you still in there?" I gave the outhouse a swift kick, regretting it instantly when splinters jabbed my uncovered toes. "Your team didn't even lose the challenge. What could you possibly need to go on about for half an hour straight?"

"Okay, Heather, one minute! Just let me wrap up. What was I saying again? I was saying something. Oh, and I had to stare up his nostrils for twenty minutes as we struggled back to camp. And he made me walk backwards. I fell into the stream! Twice! And his pits reeked like sweaty socks dunked in split pea soup and left to molder. But that wasn't even the worst of it. Not three minutes in, he said to me…"

I sat down against the wall and emptied my shoes of pebbles as Courtney's complaints trailed into background noise. Wearing high-heel wedges to camp? Definitely not among the top ten decisions I'd ever made in my life. I should have expected Chris would lie about the five-star resort. Cody made muffled noises for a few minutes, and when I finally looked around for him, his chair had edged several meters down the slope. He fell over when one wheel sunk into uneven ground. I entertained myself by watching him squirm beneath his seatbelt, visible only by strips of gauze and tufts of brown hair. When he twisted just right, I could make out the purple around his swollen eye too.

The door opened. Courtney stepped out, her tan face flushed a deep pink that I could see even in the twilight. Between that and the way her fingernails were stuck in the wood, I took a wild guess and concluded that if I hadn't called for her to get out, she would have stayed in the outhouse listing slights against Duncan all night.

"There. It's all yours. Happy voting, Heather." A frown shot across her face. "Are you okay? Your eye is all red and puffy. That one, right there." She wrenched her nails from the door so she could point, in case I didn't know which one she meant. "And you still have paint in your hair."

I placed the back of one palm against my eye. "Yeah, well, I can't deny that I'm impressed with Leshawna's aim. Who knew those shampoo bottles could squirt all the way from the sinks to the door? I thought for sure that enormous backside of hers would knock her off balance."

A tiny smile twitched at one end of Courtney's mouth. "That's not very funny," she started to say, and then her eyes strayed past my shoulder. "Hey, is that Cody? He could be hurt!"

"Not more than he is already," I said, but Courtney bolted past me anyway. She pulled him from the ground, checked to be sure he was securely buckled in, and then turned a few puzzled circles.

"He's with me." I got to my feet and stretched. "Chris still wants him to make his vote tonight. Or give a valiant and hilarious try, anyway. I volunteered to keep him out of trouble."

Cody spat something beneath his bandages, shooting me a razor-edged glare as Courtney pushed him back up the slope.

"What's your problem, bear-bait? It's not my fault you fell down. That can't have hurt worse than your mauling."

Cody made a fair attempt at shaking his head.

Courtney pulled Cody's chair inside the confessional, even climbing on top of the toilet seat so she could ease him into position. His elbow knocked the camera from its straps on the door. I picked it up, silently cursing myself for not grabbing the opportunity to deliver my vote and take off while Courtney had been rescuing him. I was not looking forward to dragging him out of there.

"There. Nice and snug." Courtney squeezed around Cody's chair and stood back to admire her handiwork. "I'll leave you to it then. Good-bye, Cody. You never would have made it to the finals anyway, but it's awful to see you go out like this. Get well soon." She gave him a very gentle hug around the neck brace before heading off towards the Bass cabin. Cody made strangled noises like he was trying to call after her.

I furrowed my brow. Wait a minute.

I took my hand from the door and it swung shut behind me. "Are you- ? … Oh. Oh. You can still speak, can't you? Well, duh, of course you can still speak. I heard you trying for an hour. Er… do you want those off now?"

Cody rolled his eyes. A fly landed on his nose and started to rub its forelegs together.

In hindsight, the question was stupid. I don't know why I'd assumed that a bandaged face had left him without a working tongue. But I had. So it wasn't really the question that was stupid, it was me. At that thought, I bit hard into my lower lip.

"Here." I flicked out my nails. The gauze was tied in the back, so I twisted myself awkwardly behind his chair. A few slits, a couple of tugs, and I lifted the strips away and wrapped them around my wrist. Cody started coughing. Heaving. Breathing. I slipped off the toilet seat, expecting that his first words were going to be, "That's a relief," or "Sweet, sweet air," or something else along those lines. Even, "Thanks, Heather". But instead, he surprised me.

"Dude, why did Courtney tell me good-bye? We haven't even had the elimination ceremony yet."

I pushed open the confessional door, righting the camera as it swayed again. "Maybe because she knows you just rendered yourself useless in all upcoming challenges and it's clear that- Aaugh!"

I'd made the mistake of turning around, putting myself nose-to-nose with Cody's unbandaged face for the first time. Cody blinked at me for a moment, sending a fly on his eyelid into the air, then lowered his gaze to his lap.

"That bad, huh?"

[Cnt'd on dA / FFN / AO3 - Links at top]

[tuulippworld]

𝕹𝖔𝖘𝖊𝖇𝖑𝖊𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓 𝖆 𝕮𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖊 𝕽𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖚𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖙

Three red drops in my egg drop soup, and I am dropped through the floor with them. It takes you a second to notice: primary colours are everywhere. Yellow dumpling skins binding up leeks and mushrooms. Red chillies scaling the sides of stir-fried aubergine. A blue fruity cocktail. Yellow ribbons of egg. Blue eyes. Red lanterns. Red tablecloth. Red blood. One is not like the other. 

We don’t know each other well enough yet for something like this. For you to hold my face, to stroke it with a washcloth, to pinch my nose shut when my arms have fallen asleep, to tell me where to find them. So, I am left to pick my body from the floorboards, and leave you alone with the bits of my body in the soup. Black dress. Black napkin. Thankfully, nothing will stain. 

We know each other well enough for you to tell me wives’ tales. White lies. Little ones. “Tilt your head to the ceiling- it’ll help.” But then again, strangers tell each other little white lies all the time. The homeless man outside Aldi tells me “God bless you” and I say “thank you, you too” like a serpentine televangelist, or an insecure agnostic child. It depends on how bad you think it is to lie about blessings. Called through a cupped hand as we all disappear in our bodies’ over-sharing: “It’ll help.” 

I wasn’t sure if getting on dating apps would make London feel bigger or smaller. Going down the stairs like a lucky penny makes it feel so big, because I find I can do it effortlessly. I realise I descend and ascend in the tube every day looking at nobody and nowhere at all. I used to look at everyone on my commute, but I learned quickly that a girl of my temperament doesn’t have the heart to take it. Falling in and out of love again and again as the slideshow of people cycle through turnstiles and subway cars like some sickly-sweet, sexy zoetrope, and we’re all just trying to not trip when getting off the escalator. 

I find myself in the bathroom mirror, and London feels small again. I’m surprised that she’s here too, in a floating Chinese restaurant in Camden Town. We’re so far from home, and I can’t help but wonder if we’d be handling it all better if we lived a life more like the one our childhood prepared us for. Frizzy hair, leave-in conditioner, endlessly damp strands. “Good morning,” “I’m good, thanks,” “Have a nice day!” Cold aloe vera, sunburned skin peeled off secretly. It never scarred like my mother said it would, and I’m relieved that my mirror shows me my shoulders as confirmation. If I was still in my hometown, where it was so humid that my nose never bled, would my first dates retain enough detachment to whet my heart with performative intimacy, but keep the organ’s makeup in place? To stay with you at the table, laughing so lovely, and not two stories below? Mascara. Flesh. Drywall. Insulation. Dirt. 

London will feel smaller when I’ll be nervous every time my subway idles at the tube stop you live on, even after enough time has passed that I can’t remember how much you actually looked like your pictures. Every young person could be your friend. Every old one could be your parent. I’ll peer over the other commuters to the window across from me, and my mirror will check my nostrils for fresh blood. The aridness of the tube will make me grateful that Florida’s limestone aquifers forbade me from growing up with an underground, but not so grateful that I’d stay on to the end of the line and catch a plane back home. I’ll dehydrate and shrivel into a dried fig, and for the rest of the day, no one will sit in my seat, uncertain of what I really am. A newspaper will be tossed next to me. 

As I spend longer in the bathroom, and the wads of red toilet paper propagate, our settings, stretched through the future, atrophy like tendons into dental floss. To try to come back to this restaurant would make the gangway to Feng Shang Princess into a game piece. To reconvene with the sun on a rare, beautiful spring day in the nearby park would make the path shrink to a hot stone. Embarrassment renders threads of possibility incapable of fastening even a teardrop-sized button. In a few weeks, when an aimless wander oscillates to coincidence, swinging me to outside University College Hospital, I’ll wonder if any of your other first dates have bled lately. All of London will be held in a bead of saline on the tip of an IV needle in the bed that will be next to mine an hour from now. You can only exist in the places I know you’ve been, for I’m too busy right now dabbing my face and trying to preserve my lipstick to fill in the rest of everywhere. Scribbling out my medical history on a clipboard. Attempting to eye-fuck the commuter across me on the ride home and forgetting there’s cotton stuffed up my nose.  

I’m in love with every man with a dog in Regents Park, and with every busty nurse in the emergency room bay:

“I know it may be nothing, but I’ve been bleeding so long and I really had to check.”

[amoirsetpacis]

★ --;; "You--"

Vash's hand had withdrawn when Wolfwood had gone to grab the papers out of his hand, had tried to keep them in his own grip and failed. Still, it had taken him a step back, put that distance there. His hands stay fists at his sides. Even above the quickness of his own breath, the angry drum of his own heartbeat, he can't help but strain his ears to pick up Wolfwood's. Now, at least, it's steady.

If these were any other circumstances, Vash would have crumbled at how small Wolfwood sounds, at the admission of what he'd just sen, the catch in his throat. Would have consoled him and tried tot alk through it. But this head is a long time coming, and instead all it does is feed that hot, angry, betrayed feeling in the back of his throat, burning behind his eyes.

He doesn't... he doesn't even know where to start. Every thought is too loud, all at once, and he can feel himself still shaking with the force of them, his mouth twisting from the hurt and the anger and from trying to not start crying-- a losing game, already, from how tight his throat is when he can finally start to croak words out again.

" ... How long did you know?" he asks, voice still low, mind still reeling; whether or not it's pure grasping at straws or actual points of connection feel irrelevant. "Because from this it's like you don't even-- did you know back in the spring, too?" They've already had this argument. It never really left-- still stings like bile, still buzzes angrily in the back of his mind, come to join in the awful feeling in his gut. The singe in his nostrils never really goes away, and with this newfound knowledge it can only be yanked to the forefront of his mind along with everything else.

"After-- after all those times with you gettin' mad at me for-- are you kidding me?" Every nerve in his body wants to move, but Vash stays firmly rooted in place, feeling lie he's going to vibrate out of his skin as he steadily gets louder instead. "I'm supposed t'be fine with you-- with you choosing t'go and doing somethin' stupid like this that could have gotten you killed--!? You're the one that said all of this has got to mean something, and then you go and act like it doesn't!"

His hands do move now, carding through his hair and leaving it in even more of a mess than it already is, feet turning to pace. "And do you care? I know I'm not innocent of that sort of thing either but-- but you didn't--"

Vash rounds, then, even though he can't look up. Instead he's just looking at Wolfwood's shoes, down at the hardwood, vision swimming. "You didn't have to live with it. So scared of if I don't come back when you-- for years, I--." Vash sniffs, hard, fists back down at shaking at his sides.

"I respected you, I had to stand and watch when I knew what was--" His breath hitches, voice still hard but failing to stay even. "And you don't even think to give that same respect back-- he might not be my brother but he's still Knives, and I know what it's like for him to leave, too. It's not even about if you were gonna kill him or not."

He still hasn't looked up at Wolfwood directly-- feels like he can't, like he doesn't have the strength too, a coward again even after everything that had finally come spilling out from him, that had been building for who knows how long now. Vash sniffs again in the silence before letting a long, shaky sigh out through his mouth. He's not sure how long the quiet lasts, having seemingly brought the blanket of it on by himself, his outburst syphoning any other sounds out of the room. They're still just barely past the entryway; the Punisher still lies there on the floor. Kuroneko's darted off somewhere, away from all the noise. Vash's head is pounding.

He's not sure when the dam broke, but he can feel where his cheeks are wet now, can feel where his face and neck are burning. His chest heaves, irregular, and it takes a few beats for him to finally speak again. He's quiet again now, fingers in his hair one more time before letting his forehead press into the meat of his palm. "And I wanted to pretend I was just-- just hearing things. God," a scoff, wet; "I'm so stupid."

Whatever Wolfwood is expecting it's not for Vash to be clearly steaming angry before he can even say anything else. Angry to the point of shaking. He can feel the tremble where his hands are still on Vash's arms, can see it in his shoulders. Vash looks beyond angry, actually; he looks the angriest Wolfwood's seen him in a long time.

So he's already going into this conversation with Vash furious with him, but he doesn't know why.

The horrible feeling in his chest and belly increases tenfold. Wolfwood can't tell anymore if the shaking is still from Vash or if it's his own body now. His heartbeat, while fast, still keeps a consistent rhythm, at least.

Then the sound of paper crinkling catches his attention. Wolfwood's eyes dart down to the papers he now notices in Vash's hand, crushed up so tightly in his grip, but the name of Radiale Island Hospital's Fibonacci location is still clear in large font.

Fuck.

It's not like he was going to hide it forever. He's still grappling with it himself, still processing, and he'd been trying to figure out how to bring it up in a way that wouldn't send his husband into a spiral. Turns out he's too late, and Vash had to find out in the worst way and worst time possible.

One hand drops to grab the papers; they almost rip when he forces them out of Vash's grip.

"Wasn't goin' to hide this from you forever," he says, and it sounds like a shitty excuse even to his own ears—even if it is true. "I just didn't... know how... I..."

Wolfwood swallows. He thinks he's going to be sick, really. All he really wants to do is press his face into Vash's shoulder, but he can't, and he doesn't even deserve that. Barely deserves to even talk to him now, or look at him.

"Not... what I was gonna tell ya today," he says, voice quiet. "I..."

He doesn't know what to even talk about first. The gruesome image from barely an hour prior is still stuck in his head. The catastrophic failure he feels is suffocating. Crushing regret.

"Let him make me act like a devil," he croaks out. "He's dead. Didn't—"

Wolfwood's brows pinch together.

"—Didn't do it myself. He— did it. In front a' me. 'Fore I could. Took his head clean off his shoulders. So fast I barely saw it happen."

He breathes in sharply. He failed a lot of people today.

Most importantly, he failed his husband.

What the fuck was he even thinking?

"I still hunted him down. Was still gonna do it. And now—" He waves the papers around, and then tosses them onto the floor. "This. What the hell am I even... supposed to say... I..."

He goes quiet, and his hands fall to his sides. He's sick with shame. His eyes focus on the floor, because he can't bring himself to look Vash in the eye. Not when Vash's expression is like that.

[duskamethyst]

broken reverie.

a/n: he’s not wearing glasses in this one.

word count: 3.9k

genre: smut, nsfw, college AU

warnings: taboo rs, slapping, spanking, choking, face fucking, brat taming (kind of), slight degradation, creampie, age gap (nanami reaching 40)

pairing: professor!nanami x f!reader

summary: professor nanami calls you to his office to ‘talk’ about your terrible performance in his class.

maybe you went too far.

or else you wouldn’t have ended up in his office. 

but is this the outcome you coveted? yes.

the door creaks behind you before it closes again as you sit and wait in front of the big wooden desk. you were kind of excited when he told you to come and see him at his office earlier but now you’re having a whirlwind of emotions making your stomach churn and you don’t dare to look around to face him– even though he’s going to be sitting in front of you in a moment.

his shoes clack against the floor as he strides and sits on his chair. the air in the room feels dense when the male doesn’t say anything; as if you’re not in his presence to begin with.

he looks exasperated. a long, deep breath is emitted through his nostrils as he loosens up his tie from the collar. you only gawk at him in awe as he does so, but quickly snap out when he finally shifts his gaze at you. 

“so, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” he finally breaks the silence. the deep, husky tone of his voice fills your ear and you hope he doesn’t notice your thighs press against each other almost immediately.

“tell you.. what?” you mentally slap yourself. you’re clearly aware of what he’s insinuating but you’re suddenly lost for words. there’s a huge difference between seeing him in class and being alone together with him. it’s even more nerve wrecking than you imagined and oh god, is his ac broken? because it suddenly feels hot.

nanami raises a brow, evidently unamused. “i had the courtesy to make time for you when i should be having brunch now so i don’t appreciate you playing coy.” 

you gulp audibly, “i’m sorry, sir.”

“if it’s not clear to you yet, i’m talking about your grades.” he opens the drawer under his desk and pulls out a pile of paper before slamming it in front of you. you blink in surprise and flip through the pages, though you know you don’t need to see it when you already know what lies on them. there are a lot of red circles on the papers, namely yours, with huge unpleasant numbers on the corner ranging from 12% to 25%. 

then he takes out another file which you realize as your student record throughout your semester and the subjects you currently take. 

“i find it odd that you scored well for your other courses.” he skims through the pages. “you certainly didn’t cheat, i can tell.”

“no, of course not.”

“then, what’s the problem here?” his tired eyes bore into you as he waits for you to answer or come up with whatever excuse.

“well, i–” 

“you’re doing it on purpose.” he snaps.

it’s as if time comes to a stop. your cheeks heat up with humiliation and you can’t bring yourself to continue to look at him in the eyes. although you’re aware that your silence means compliance, you’re still jumbling up words in your head to deny his assumption. 

“are you going to tell me i’m wrong?” 

“yes– i-i mean–” you stammer.

“then enlighten me.” he glances at the branded watch donned on his left wrist. “we have time.”

you shake your head, “i have another class soon.”

“skip it.” he quickly retorts. “i’m sure you have no problems with that. your grades are doing well for that one, but certainly not mine.”

sweat starts to form on your palms as you look down on your thighs, purposely avoiding his eyes that hold nothing but so much intensity. you’re weighing between two options; to keep on bluffing or come clean. you don’t think that nanami would let you get off the hook if you keep on lying and you’d definitely be bombarded with more questions, yet the outcome of the latter would be so embarrassing and you don’t know if you can live it down for the rest of the semester.

you’ve fantasized about being alone with him but.. not particularly this way. 

gathering courage and taking a deep breath, you decide it’s best to just tell him the truth.

“you’re right,” you feel your ears burning, hands clammy. “i purposely failed your class.”

lifting up your head, you see the male grinning lopsidedly in his seat. maybe he’s pleased that you’re not wasting his time anymore, you’re not sure, he’s not easy to read.

“wasn’t that easy?” he folds his arms in front of his chest. “i have my own speculation but i wanna hear why you did it.”

“um,” you look down to your hands again, also half wondering what kind of bold assumption he has in mind. “i was dared by my friend.”

“wrong,” he scoffs. “and look at me while you’re talking.”

you sigh defeatedly and nervously fix your gaze. if you’ve learned one thing now, it’s that your professor doesn’t have tolerance for bullshit and he knows one when he hears one.

“i-i did it for.. attention.” 

“my attention?” he emphasizes, maintaining his stoic persona to mask his amusement of finding out that his speculation turns out to be indeed true.

you purse your lips in a thin line, nodding your head quietly. nanami remains to stare at you as he ponders in silence. you can hear your heart beating rapidly in your ears and you want to break eye contact so badly but you’re certain it wouldn’t be wise. 

“all that, just for a crumb of my attention?” he spits with a hint of venom in his voice. “are you happy with what you did?”

well, you’ve imagined him punishing you on his desk, fuck you raw or spank you with his belt until your ass turns red– not some serious interrogation.

“no, sir.” 

nanami props his elbows on the table, hands clasped under his chin to keep his head up. the air around him becomes even more threatening but it somehow manages you to feel even more aroused, making your toes curl in your shoes. you definitely need to get out soon.

“you know, if i have even one student failing my class, i could get into trouble and be questioned for my performance.” he starts. “to have you doing that for your own selfish incentive is unacceptable, don’t you think?”

“i’m sorry.” you mumble with meek.

“besides that, you might have to retake this course again for your next semester and it’ll waste your time– or..?”

you stay silent to let him continue.

“or you were intending to be in my class again so you can see me?” 

“y-yes.” you bashfully admit after one silent moment, knowing that lying will take you nowhere. “i’m sorry, sir.”

nanami chuckles, finding your naivety to be rather entertaining. never has he ever met a student like you, outwardly expressing their interest in him by failing their paper. he’s not too sure what you’re trying to get out of him but maybe he can put one and one together. it’s pretty common that younger women have an attraction to older men like him and your classmates are.. well, not exactly the best looking either. 

“are you?” he smirks cynically. “do you have any idea how many students i have to monitor? how tiring my job can be?”

“yes. it was inconsiderate of me. i’m sor–”

“show me.” nanami cuts you off and leans back on his chair. maybe he can push you a little bit, he thinks. you owe him this anyway.

you blink, perplexed. “what?”

“you kept saying sorry.” he undoes two of the buttons on his blue dress shirt and spreads his legs apart. “talk is cheap. show me.” 

you do a double take as he taps his thigh and waits for you to come over. you have the faintest idea of what he’s implying but your body freezes and your brain short-circuits as if paralyzed.

“you chose to lie again? you’re not really sorry, are you?” 

“no, no! that’s not it. i just..” 

an ongoing battle takes place in your mind– sure that this is a part of your deepest, darkest fantasy yet you’re just baffled over how quick nanami catches on to it. now that your debaucherous dream has become a vivid reality, you don’t know which is the right step to take. 

“but if not now, when?” a soft voice in your head whispers. if desire could embody a voice, you think this is it. gentle, yet seductive as if it attempts to give you a push to pluck and have a taste of the forbidden fruit. 

“how much longer do you have to touch yourself to the thoughts of your professor before you go to bed?”

“although this could be a one time thing, at least you’d know how it feels like.” 

you slowly get up from your seat and make your way towards him. nanami’s eyes trail up at you, down to the floor then back up at you; gesturing you to get on your knees.

you settle between his thick thighs and look up at him timidly through your lashes before you bring your hands to undo his belt.

“no hands.” he quickly demands. 

you lick your lips as you figure the structure of the belt and how you’re going to take it off without the aid of your hands. the taste of cold metal and leather instantly invades your palate as you feebly use your teeth to tug the front loop of his belt. your head shifts awkwardly side to side until you finally get to catch the buckle between your teeth, pulling it hard before the belt soon unfastens.

nanami only observes you indifferently from above, yet the large tent in front of you doesn’t conceal the excitement he currently possesses. 

you take a deep breath before you continue on succeeding your quest. you twist your neck as you find and tug on the fabric loop that holds the button.

“i know you’re a smart girl.” he praises as he rests his hand on top of your head while you struggle to lift up the zipper with your tongue and grasp it between your teeth. the simple praise inflates your confidence and you become more eager to complete your task so you can claim your awaiting prize.

with valiantness, you finally lock eyes with him as you pull down his zipper completely to reveal the huge bulge pressing against the fabric of his briefs and the tip slightly poking out from the top. 

“hm? you still have to take it out, no?” he smirks as he notices you gape at the outline of his cock. 

you quickly pull yourself together and lean back up to the stretchy band on his waist. he hisses when he feels your tongue purposely graze against the flushed tip before you pull down the briefs by force to reveal the one thing you’ve been desiring for so long. 

you press your thighs together as a dull ache forms in your core from the sight of his thick cock standing proudly in front of you. it’s nothing like you’ve ever imagined– it’s better and you’ve finally found it worth going through all that trouble of failing his class (and using your mouth to take off his pants).

“this is what you want, isn’t it?” he sneers, titling up your chin with his fingers, brushing your lips with his thumb and pulling the bottom lip apart so he can see a row of teeth.

“y-yes, sir.” you gulp and breathe as you wait for his next command. 

nanami’s lips tug into a conceited smirk, “suck.” 

leaning down your head to the base, you flatten your tongue underneath the shaft and slowly drag upwards in favor of reveling the veins on his hard cock. nanami lets out a sigh of content when he feels your tongue licking his tip and his hand tugs on your locks by reflex. you look at him as you wrap your lips around the tip, slobbering the tip with your saliva and his precum.

“fuck.” he curses under his breath and his head falls back when the warmth of your mouth finally engulfs his throbbing cock as you take most of the length inside your mouth.

you hollow your cheeks together, head bobbing up and down as you struggle to take more of his cock that you nearly choke whenever the tip hits the back of your throat, but the hand on top of your head grabs a fistful of your hair and he pushes your head down to sink all his length inside your mouth deeper. when you want to pull away, he only holds you in place and remains his cock down your throat. 

“through your nose.” he mutters. tears start to well in your eyes while your saliva just trickles down to his balls as he screws his eyes shut and relishes in the pleasure that washes throughout his body. “i needed this so bad, you know?” 

your whines only give him more stimulation and his hips jerk in response, “just wouldn’t think that a student– fuck– out of all people would choke on my dick.” he lets out a sardonic chuckle as if something just crossed his mind. “it’s wrong, but that’s what makes it feel so good, isn’t it?” 

nanami keeps you in the position as he ruts his hips slowly into your throat. his eyes are closed in concentration and his lips part slightly in fast and short pants. you work on your gag reflex as you let him fuck your mouth, enduring the sharp sting on your scalp when he tugs your hair harder– at least you know you’re making him feel good.

“if i cum in your mouth, you’d gladly swallow, won’t you?” 

you can feel his cock twitching when you let out a choke of assent from your throat but you splutter as soon as nanami abruptly pulls away his cock because of a sudden knock on the door that startles the both of you.

“get under the desk.” he urges and you quickly crawl to hide while he coughs and inches closer to his desk. “come in.”

you hear the door open followed by echoes of footsteps before it comes to a halt in front of his desk.

“didn’t i tell you to contact me before seeing me?” his voice is laced with irritation yet collected as he speaks. you can imagine the agitated look on his face, thinking it would be only natural for anyone to assume that he’s already having a bad day. and to them, interrupting the peak of his orgasm is most definitely not it. 

without a second thought, you take back his dick inside your mouth. a spur of triumph swells in your chest when you feel his body jolts in surprise. you think it’s only fair since he has choked you with his cock and what perfect timing to carry out your petty vengeance when the man is busy advising his student. 

however, nanami shifts on his seat to give you more access to take more length of his cock. he tries to stay composed as he feels your tongue gliding up and down his shaft but once the wet muscle prods against the slit, he emits an oddly sharp exhale. you can hear him almost stammering as he speaks and the way his tone changes to conceal the squelching sounds you elicit from underneath the table as you please his cock with zeal.

“so, i want you to fix the mistake and hmm..,” his hands ball into fists on the table as he takes a deep breath. “show me in class tomorrow.”

“sure. uh, are you okay, sir?” you hear the voice say. “you don’t look well.”

his eye twitches when your tongue wraps around his balls, taking one inside your mouth to suck harshly.

“yeah, fine.” he clears his throat. “thanks for asking.”

nanami only watches as his student turns to walk towards the door until the door closes behind him. once he’s sure that the student has left the door, he finally leans back on his chair in relief. 

“fuck.” he groans, glancing down at you as you look up at him innocently with doe eyes and your swollen lips wrapped prettily around his balls. yet, he looks dissatisfied more than anything. 

nanami grabs your arm and drags you out from under his desk until you’re on your feet, “i never took you as a fucking brat.” he lifts up your skirt and bites back a groan once he sees the damp patch on your panties. “did you touch yourself?”

you hum a ‘mhm’, feigning guiltlessness as he grazes his fingers on your inner thighs. 

“you’re just asking for me to touch you here, hm?” shivers run up your spine when his thumb ghosts over your wet slit and up to your clit.

“y-yes.” your breath hitches.

“begging for me to push your head on the table and ram my cock inside you?” he muses, pressing on your clit as he watches you squirm. “is that what you want?”

“please–” you roll your hips slightly to soothe the ache on his thumb but a hand comes down harshly on your ass, gesturing for you to stop in a fierce manner.

nanami chuckles mockingly, “well, that’s what exactly you’re not going to get.”

a whine elicits from your lips when he draws back his hands to his thighs and you glance at his dick; still throbbing and leaking precum from the florid tip. well, at least he hasn’t put it back inside his pants, so you still have a chance.

“come on. you haven’t shown me how much you’re sorry.”

with your inhibitions already flew out of the window, you stand in between his thighs, hoist the skirt to your waist and tug your panties to the side before squatting down to smear your slick on his dick. sparks of arousal swim through you as you grind your clit on the tip before you sink down, gasping as his thick cock stretches your cunt and down until you’re filled to the brim.

you glance at the male expectantly, waiting for him to move but he raises a questioning brow at you, “if you want something, work for it.”

not exactly what you sought for, but it should suffice. you begin to gyrate your hips slowly, adjusting to his size before you can pick up the pace. you fight the urge to hold onto him for leverage, in fear he wouldn’t appreciate the crumple on his expensive dress shirt later.

as you become more delirious, you start to hump his cock vigorously, whining like a bitch in heat as you feel every vein and ridges on his cock brushing deliciously against your walls. nanami lifts the hem of your shirt and brings it up to your mouth and you quickly catch it between your teeth. 

“the door isn’t locked, you know.” he muses, staring at your bouncing tits with half lidded eyes; mesmerized and thick with lust. “what’s going to happen if someone comes in and sees you bouncing on her professor’s cock like a little whore?”

a low, guttural sound rips from his throat when he feels your walls clenching around him in response.

“you’d like that, don’t you?” he smirks, tugging your bra down slightly and brushes his thumb against the erected nipple, making you mewl through the fabric in your mouth.

“you know you’re not supposed to do this but,” he brings up his thumb to caress your cheek. “you’re just so eager to please me, aren’t you?”

you sniffle in response, hands clutching on his solid thighs as you melt into his soft gaze before it’s gone in an instant.

“but i don’t like brats.” he sneers, drawing his hand away to slap your breast. “i don’t like people making my job harder. are you a brat?”

you shake your head, he slaps again.

“you act like one. stop lying.”

nanami tugs down the shirt from your mouth, a part of the fabric already drenched with your drool. his large hand circles around your throat while the other grips your hip firmly to roll your hip even faster on his dick. 

“oh– feels good–!” you moan wantonly, eyes rolling back as you let him control your body and assert his dominance over you.

“fuck it does.” he presses your throat tighter on the sides, restricting air from entering your lungs but your walls squeeze harder in retaliation. 

“bratty little bitch. clamping down on me like that.” he grits out and slaps across your face. what seems to be a rather harsh form of treatment, the pleasure filled sting and the lack of oxygen only fuel your arousal that you don’t even notice the way you hump on his cock has become more rapturous.

“getting off to this?” nanami slaps your other cheek before he lets go of his grip around your neck and you’re finally able to breathe air again. yet, he doesn’t spare you time to gather yourself before he promptly lifts up your hips and starts to pound inside your cunt relentlessly. 

the position causes you to tip to the front and you immediately hold on to him; face burying on the crook of his neck while his cologne fills your senses and sends you into a state of frenzy. 

“you like me using your tight cunt like that?” nanami grabs your ass for leverage, the angle allows him to fuck you so deep that you’re able to feel his cockhead kissing your cervix with each thrust. 

“y-yes–!” you cry, the pressure in your stomach building up as you inch closer to an orgasm.

“like it when i use you to take out my frustrations?” he spanks the meaty flesh; walls clenching tighter on his fat cock and more slick dripping down his balls. “you just want to be my little cocksleeve, don’t you?”

“yesyesyes– please–!” your body starts to tremble above him. “w-wanna cum–”

“then fucking cum.” nanami rams into your cunny faster, abusing the spongy walls until the pressure snaps and tips you over the edge. you moan breathlessly into his neck, while your pussy gushes and creams around his cock. 

“that’s a good girl,” he fucks you through your high, grunting and panting as he pushes through the pulsing walls in order to chase his high. “and good girls get rewarded, right?”

you hum in agreement, still dazed and swimming in ecstasy as you gawk at him with heavy lidded eyes; the sweat glistening his forehead and sharp eyes focusing on where your bodies join. 

“then you’re gonna get some huge load in this pretty pussy.” his pace begins to stutter, nails digging deeper into your skin before his cock twitches and his hips freeze as he paints your insides white with cum.

both exhausted bodies rest against each other, chests heaving as you and nanami take time to regain composure and come down from your highs. he lifts you up slightly to take out his spent cock and he tugs back your panties in place, not minding the cum that dribbles from your quivering hole. 

your legs tremble once you get off of him that you have to force yourself to find your footing as you fix your skirt while the older male pulls back his pants in place. 

“do your best for your next papers, no more of that bullshit.” he fastens his buttons and straightens his tie before raising his hands to brush against his sleek, light brown hair that’s mixed with a few strands of grey. “but if you have any problems, just come and see me in my office.”

nanami falls quiet for a brief second to contemplate and you straighten your back when you once again meet his icy gaze, “after hours.”

enjoyed this piece? wanna buy me coffee? :)

duskamethyst © 2020 • do not modify, translate or repost anywhere.

[buckybarnesdiaries]

wakanda

bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.

Steve gives you Bucky's dog tags for a reason.

word count: 2.4k (lol, sorry)

warnings/tags: none. bucky being a cutie.

author notes: none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.

Join the tag list here.

“Welcome to Wakanda, agent (Y/N)”.

A second after you crossed their airspace, you were courteously greeted. The views from your ship were indescribable. Peace invaded you just at the sight of the open fields and the warm colors of autumn. You could get used to that place too. To live in calm, work hand-to-hand with Shuri, and have time to spend it with Bucky. The reason why you were flying there. Removing your right hand from the control and grabbing in a fist the dog tags hanging on your chest, you took a deep breath while closing your eyes before getting ready to land. T’Challa was waiting for you at the entry of his kingdom, accompanied by his excited little sister and some of his guards.

Pressing a sequence of buttons above your head, to pull the control back, the ship went down slowly folding its wings. As you landed and turned off the engineers, you freed yourself from the seatbelt and the huge headphones to step out. Shuri received you with a friendly hug, breaking protocol and being just Shuri. You built a strong relationship since you met a year ago, when you brought Bucky to that beautiful and magical place, to let him recover. To let him rest.

“Your highness”. You uttered to T’Challa crossing your forearms in the traditional salutation of Wakanda.

“Agent (Y/N)”. He corresponded walking closer. “The white wolf asked me to let you know he wouldn’t want to be… bothered with visits today”.

You couldn’t help but frown. The last time you saw him was around three months ago. You usually interchanged letters from week to week, being one of the fewer persons he trusted in. And it wasn’t just a question of trust. Steve told you about his feelings, his shyness, and insecurities, his fears. What Bucky didn’t know, again, it wasn’t a question of trust from you either. That’s why the Captain gave you the dog tags, after more than thirteen years under custody. You wanted to see him, to know if he was happy there as he wrote you in his letters one million times.

“He doesn’t wear his arm here”. Shuri clarified, taking a position close to his brother.

By the look on their faces, you were aware of two things. One, they noticed too that something was growing between Bucky and you, and that it wasn’t a simple friendship. Two, they weren’t going to stop you. Oh, quite the opposite. They’d bring you to him on a golden platter and a big red bow on your head. The king beckoned a hand to urge you to follow him to the inside of the building and use one of their ships to fly above the place to the white wolf’s location.

You were nervous. You didn’t sleep more than a couple of hours last night thinking about him and how he’d react to having back his tags since the forties. Your eyes were focused throughout the window on your left, watching different citizens taking care of animals and plantations, children running from one side to another, playing and having fun. Oblivious to the horror of New York, where you resided. One of the cities in the world with the highest rates of street violence. Serial killers or simply killers, rapists, kidnappers, drug dealers (...). It was a minefield and Wakanda seemed and felt like Heaven.

“Did you think about the offer?” Shuri nudged you to push you back to reality, turning your head towards her.

“Since you dropped it to me”.

“So?”

“I…” You needed to put away your gaze again, focusing on the blue opened sky in front of them. “I want… to consult him first if you don’t mind”.

“Of course, (Y/N)”.

“I don’t want to put his world upside down, now that he’s not the…” You couldn’t finish the sentence. You couldn’t pronounce that detestable nickname and the pain beneath it.

Shuri nodded in silence, not needing your explanations. She knew how you felt. She understood you. The talk didn’t continue, stretching your right hand on your lap to calm your nerves and make you comfortable with the situation. The flight didn’t last longer than five or ten minutes, losing the track of time deep in your thoughts. The pilot indicated to you through the headphones that you were about to land, glancing at a complex of small houses in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by trees and wilderness.

You were the last one jumping outside with your hand grabbing the tags on your chest, trying to find the encouragement there to follow T’Challa’s hand pointing at a man working with goats and collecting hay for them. Licking your lips and assenting with your chin, you guided your steps towards him. Slowly. As if you wanted to turn around at some point. But you knew it was too late when he was the one turning at the sound of your heavy boots cracking the grass under them.

Bucky didn’t look annoyed for your visit, nor the lack of attention to his petition. Although there was something in his pale blue orbs you weren’t able to decipher, until he bowed down his head unconsciously to his left shoulder covered by a dark fabric matching his eyes. You had to do your best to not roll yours, shortening the distance setting you apart. You had been dreaming about that encounter since the last time you were there before Shuri accessed the darkest place of his mind and cleaned it from any trail of HYDRA. Now, he was free. And he looked in good condition as the bags under his eyes had disappeared and his hair was almost tied with a bun. His cheeks seemed a little more chubby and you just wanted to pinch them. But it’d be weird and out of place. For the time being.

Bit by bit, a sweet smile widened in your lips, curving them as Bucky stared at you again when he was conscious that you didn’t care. With or without a metal arm, your feelings were exactly the same. You couldn’t admire him more than you were admiring him at this point. You couldn’t love him more than you loved him already. And God was a witness of how many times you practiced to confess to him and tell him that the only thing you wanted in life was to be by his side. Bring happiness to his days, bring him peace and harmony.

“I'm sorry…” “I brought you…”

You two spoke at the same time, breaking in a soft giggle that jumped your hearts in complete sync.

“You first”. He let you, waving his hand.

“I… brought you something”. You susurrated, loosening the grip around the metal hanging on your chest to take off the necklace.

You noticed the way his eyes widened in surprise and confusion. Why did you have them? Who gave them to you? Why now? Bucky gulped watching you stretching the dog tags between your fingers towards him. He didn’t know what to do, taking a second before he was able to react. He couldn’t remember when was the last time he saw them, and the amount of memories they gave him overwhelmed his whole brain.

In slow motion narrowing his eyes, Bucky held the chain with two fingers to hang the necklace from it. You thought he was about to wear them, but he destabilized you as he directed his hands to above your head, to place them where they were an instant before. You didn’t understand. Didn’t he want them back?

“I want you to keep it”.

“But…”

“I want you to have something mine”. Bucky recognized with a shy smile decorating his lips. “Those tags and my arm are the only things I have from my past. And… I won’t give you my arm…”

“Well, I bet it’d look good hanging from my neck”. You jocked tilting your head.

In his gift, you found the encouragement you needed to talk about T’Challa’s job offer. It wasn’t as if you were proposing to him, in the end, you were just friends even if it felt quite the opposite. You licked your upper lip, kissing your teeth after it, earning more than his attention.

“Shuri said, uh… I could come here, work with her. We’d do great things together, not only for Wakanda but for the world”.

Bucky’s gesture didn’t change a single inch, focused on the nervousness you were trying to hide from him and reading the reasons beneath.

“So T’Challa offered me to stay here”.

“Permanently?”

“Yeah… Permanently”. You assented pressing your lips, breathing through your nostrils.

“Did you accept?”

“Not yet. Not until talking to you about”.

He nodded then a couple of times, turning to the goats behind him coming closer. “Got to finish some stuff… Maybe we can talk later about it unless you have to leave”.

“No, no. I, uh… asked for the day off. Banner didn’t need me at the lab today”.

“Okay, good”.

While the king was showing you the new level for research and investigations, Bucky took the advantage to go and find Shuri without your knowledge. He found her in the surroundings of the main building, working on your ship as you said it made some kind of random noise that put you out of your nerve during the flight.

“I need my arm”.

The princess squatted close to the left wing, turned at him without standing up. Pulling her sunglasses to the top of his head, she raised an eyebrow.

“For what”.

“You know for what”. He clicked his tongue, placing his hand on his left shoulder.

“No, I don’t”. She lied while cleaning the grass and oil in her expert fingers.

“I need to have two arms”.

“You’ve been working the last months with one arm only. Why do you need it now?”

“C’mon… Argh…” Bucky rubbed his face with boredom. “I want to hug her, okay? Can you just… give me back my damn arm?”

“Not enough reasons, you can hug her using your right”.

“I want to have two hands when I kiss her”. He finally confessed in a hiss, provoking a triumphant smile growing on Shuri’s lips.

“If you lie to me, if you don’t kiss her, Sergeant Barnes… I’ll code it to punch your face”.

“Wait…” Bucky wrinkled his nose drawing a horrified gesture on his face, as he turned his blue eyes towards his left shoulder. “Can you… do that?”

“Try me”.

No, of course she couldn’t, but he didn’t know. Which were a good push for him to not go against her and her petition.

“C’mon. I’ll set it up and help you to put it on”.

Your eyes were traveling from one picture to another. He put some of them around his small house and it looked better now. More like a home. A place to stay. And for a second you felt a twinge straight in your heart when you noticed one photograph of the two of you, close to his bed. It was after your first mission together. Steve insisted on taking it, after noticing the sparkles between you. But you didn’t know he brought it to Wakanda with him, as your copy is on your nightstand too. And you used to fall asleep every night looking at it.

The curtain being moved and some steps in pulled you out from your thoughts, turning to find Bucky staring in silence at you. Your orbs landed on the metal arm. It was different too since the last time you saw it, with golden strips forming between the silver ones. You couldn’t help but sigh.

“You didn’t need to…”

“Yes, I did. I did need it”. He interrupted you, breathing through his parted lips and his heart about to fly off from his chest.

“Why?”

“Because, otherwise, I couldn’t do this”.

You were about to ask what he was referring to, watching him breaking the distance between the two of you in three fast strides. You closed your eyes at the moment his hands held your neck and Bucky slammed his lips on yours. The kiss, the contrast of cold and warmth on your skin, the everlasting longing for it to happen… All of this caused you to gasp, tangling the tunic at the height of his chest in your fists, not wanting him to take a step back. Your mouths fit perfectly without looking for it, made for each other, as he secured his fingers on the back of your neck. And you felt your knees weak when he pecked your lips one more time, before caressing your nose with his, not being able to open your eyes. Neither of you.

“I don’t have the right… to ask for anything”. He babbled. His insecurities coming afloat even if you hadn’t pushed him away. “But… I want you to stay here. With me. I… I don’t have much to offer you, but I promise to make you happy”.

At this point, your eyes were filled with tears, strongly closing your eyelids to not let them fall. You swallowed a sob, moving your hands from his chest to his middle back, embracing him tighter as you could.

“You’ve been making me happy since we met, Bucky”.

He chuckled breathless, intuiting he was too at the edge of his crying because of that affirmation.

“Every Tuesday, I wait at the stairs of my apartment for the mail, for your letters. I’ve… read them so many times I can recite them… by heart. Every word you've written to me”.

“I will continue writing them for you, even if you stay with me”.

Your voices were low, barely audible out of his place. Like secrets. Bucky kissed you again, bending enough to raise you by the back of your thighs and urge you to surround his waist with your legs. The dog tags on your chest clicked against the other, as you moved your arms to his shoulders and neck, and you were unable to stop kissing him. You two could die right now and not be bothered because you were finally together, and that was all you deserved in life.

“Tell me you will stay… please”. His beg brushed your lips, still pecking them between syllable and syllable.

“I will…” You replied without hesitating as you could, eager to correspond to every gesture from him. “I will stay with you”.

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[katsukikitten]

Synopsis: After a deadly disease spreads rapidly across the globe survival of the fittest becomes an understatement. With violence around every corner you’re left no choice but to do what you must to live besides you aren’t one to turn down easy pickings. So when you come across a huge compound with tons of resources and slow guards you get comfortable. A little too comfortable. Stealing more rare items that make them suspicious that eventually leads to your capture by a mountain of a man who leaves you to the mercy of his vermillion eyed boss. And now all your roads are leading to a dead end.

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, blood, spitting, body horror/gore.

Chapter Ten: A secret, a seat at the table and an exchange of hands wc 4035

Master List : Here

Summer cools into fall quickly, heavy rain storms come and go, providing plenty of water for the farm and crops. Busying yourself with the care of the farm and your duties as the locals asked you about new books. 

To which you politely smiled and said “It’s closed for the season.” A lie, a lie because you can’t bring yourself to walk through the double glass doors. 

Can’t bring yourself to smell the lingering fruit fly nectar or the specific inky smell of books. Of warm paper and old wood from the furniture.  

Eri still trains with you, harder than ever as she channels all of her rage into her fists. Punching you square in the jaw just this morning with a guttural scream. 

You were bruising but you didn’t mind, she needed to let it out. She hadn’t spoken much after those first few weeks, not even to Kota and especially not to the broad shouldered blonde who stalked your every move. 

His burning red eyes boring into your skin like a hovering blot fly. Going bone deep as if every mundane task you did had an underlying threat. Bakugou made it his personal mission to watch you day and night since the incident and in doing so he’s watched Eri get stronger. 

Yet she still hardly looks his way and when she does it is a nasty glare. She can’t even stand being in the same room as him, holding herself up in her bedroom with Brutus by her side any chance she had. 

Any duties she had before befell to Kota as he picked up the pieces, trying to keep Eri out of trouble as if she could ever get into any. 

The plump chicken pecks at your fingers, taking a small chunk of flesh as you growl “Fuckin Margaret. I’m gonna let a snake eat you one of these days.” 

You snatch her eggs with your other hand, placing them in the basket as you end your shift on the farm by sliding down the side of Graham’s house. Pressing your palms into your eyes until your vision turns to static. 

“Better get your strength up.”  His voice grates your nerves as you glare up at him. 

“Then let me actually sleep past four am, asshole.” Snarling your lip as you add, “Or feed me full portions. I can hardly hold the ax.”

“Don’t fuckin lie.”

“Did you not see me chopping firewood for Graham and the town yesterday? I hardly got anything done.” You gesture towards the pile and it’s surprisingly larger than you remember. You try to think back to the few logs you could split before you were covered in sweat and gasping for breath. Bakugou just looks at you for a long moment as you piece things together. Graham was too old to chop anything now and most of the men were training under Kirishima for guard positions late into the night, learning the tunnels in the dark or some bullshit like that.

Which left Kota, who most of last night was beating your ass in Rummy or Bakugou who was missing after dinner. Thought to be hiding in his office from the still fuming Eri. 

“The fuck you staring at?” He growls and you suck your teeth. 

“Some ugly dog shit, that’s for sure.” You rise, “I want dinner, I want rest and then I need my fucking maps if you want the best route. We need to leave soon, it's a three day walk both ways.”

“We’ll have a van.” He barks and you stare before you scoff.

“When was the last time you were out?” His nostrils flare at your sharp tongue, he corners you into the rotting siding on the side of the house. 

“If you think for one fucking second that I like to send my people over the wall instead of myself you’re fucking wrong. Shut your trap rat before I change my mind and send you to hell myself.” He growls and you buck up to him, noses touching as the leaves flutter down. 

“Like you did with Judy?" His body goes rigid and when he says nothing, you give him a shove, pushing past him towards the old mayor’s house to head to your room. You needed and wanted a fucking nap, having not been able to sleep well since Bakugou took refuge in your room most nights in that chair in the corner. 

By the bags under his eyes he needed a nap too. Which was hopeful that he would be relieved of the duty and send in anyone else to watch you this evening. 

You relish the shower as the water comes out of the speckled green chrome, it's clean but cold from lying deep in the ground. The few lights and water pump to the house were provided by some electrical source that you never bothered to question, only silently thank. Just for Kota to tell you about the underground prison the two of you were lucky to avoid. Kota memorized the records, the number of prisoners and most of their crimes. 

Theft, treason, murder, rape. 

Anything against the compound sent you six feet under, alive or dead. You figured that depended on Bakugou's mood. 

There is no knock at the door to the bathroom the four of you share in the manor as the door swings open.

"Hogging all the fuckin water." The hot head grunts, pulling his shirt off his body. 

"Fuck you." You say nonchalant, scrubbing the dirt from your body with the small bar of soap Cedric made. It smelled good, like lemongrass and rosemary, yet still your mind travels down into dark humor as you think you're just seasoning yourself for a Walker's next meal. 

You were so used to his intrusion as you heard his gauntlet and weapons clatter on the floor. The sound of his belt next as it hits the tile before the usual harsh pull at the flimsy curtain. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Your voice is oddly soft, especially for you. Bakugou gives the back of your head a confused look paired with a snarl. 

"Ya deaf? I said you're hoggin all the water." He steps into the cracking tile, trying to bully his way into the stream hoping you'd leave the bathroom all together.  But that died weeks ago when you realized it bothered him to have to share this time with you. So now you take your time, washing your face, hair and skin as he glowers at you. Vermillion gaze watching how your hands move and the scars that littered them, he's put most of them there and he grunts behind you. With your back to him, the question finally claws its way out of your throat. 

"Tell you what, brat?" He rips the soap from your hands, reaching over you to get some water on his forearms so he can at least start there. His bare chest pressed against your back.

"Tell me Eri carries antibodies." Just as quickly as you said it, Bakugou's rough hands are on your shoulders, turning you to face him as he pins you to the cracked, cold tile. 

"Don't ever say that shit aloud ever again." His eyes are molten as he glares at you, "Three people know what she can do and that's two too many." 

Bakugou obviously and you, so who was the third that got to stay among the living? Was it Kirishima? He was his head guard afterall.

"How did you even…" You trail off, voice barely a whisper as his fingers bruise your supple skin, "Her scars…" 

"She was farmed." And when you fix a withering glare at him he sucks his teeth. 

"Not by me." He rolls his eyes and let's up on his grip as he pushes you to the back of the shower. Standing fully in the stream. Too tall for the shower head as he tilts his head forward, letting the water wash over his ash blonde hair. Caked in sweat and dirt from the hard day's work, bringing his large hands through the long strands on top and then onto the undercut sides and back. 

You expect the story to end there but he sighs, coming out of the water, his back to you as he lathers soap for his hair. Eyes roving over his muscular back nicked with deep white fissures here and there. 

"Heard about a really good asset at a smaller compound. Antibodies. Figured it was a bunch of fuckin vials of blood that could expire any minute. Took a small crew and Kirishima out on the week's long journey just before the temperatures started to drop. Got there and it wasn’t just vials. It was Eri. Tied down in a room, dirty and covered in her own blood. Track marks anywhere you could imagine, neat cuts, and even bite marks, worse shape than when I found Brutus." The story put your stomach in knots, figuring he'd leave it there. 

"She was fifteen, malnourished and so traumatized she only just started her cycles and shit this year. I can only imagine how long they had her." Suds collect on his broad shoulders as he brings the bar of soap over them, "She didn't say much but when she saw me she started crying. Her voice was so broken as she muttered out help." 

He rinses himself off, looking over his shoulder just to make sure you don't step out and get any ideas about his weapons he so carelessly left on the floor, little does he know your mind is far from the sharp objects.

"I just did what she asked. Killed everyone in that bunker they kept her in and anyone that recognized her face. Turned loose the few stragglers." He shrugs, turning off the water as he steps out onto the old creaking floor board. He does what he always does, reaching for one of the moth eaten towels as he passes it to you before he grabs his own. Toweling off his hair before he plucks his clean pair of boxers off of the half missing vanity. Stepping into them before picking up all of his sharp things. 

"Be dressed in ten or I'll drag you to dinner as you are." He bites before slamming the door behind him. 

True to his word he comes to your small shoe box room, leaning on the door jamb as you shove yourself into an old hoodie, freezing from the draft in your room. Pushing past him to descend into the dining room where the laughter is coming from. 

Kirishima, Kota, Dr. Shoto, and Eri are sitting alongside a man with electric blonde hair and another with dark raven hair.

Normally dinner would be the four of you if you were lucky to get dinner at all. Occasionally Kirishima would join, sneaking a bit of his portion onto your plate but you were never allowed at a "round table" meeting. Bakugou pushes the small of your back to guide you into the room, pointing to the chair beside him that he wants you to take. You sit, mouth watering as you look at the spread. In place of the stale bread and canned foods you had a plate at your woven placemat, just like everyone else. In the middle of the table were two roasted chickens, two loaves of bread, fire roasted potatoes and a few leafy greens thrown together to call a salad. This felt almost...normal. Like the Before. 

You eye the bread and meat the hardest. Having heard about Beatrice's little bakery from Kota who told you about how she made her own wood burning oven. One loaf was plain and rectangular with a beautiful brown crust. While the other was circular, dotting with cloves of garlic and rosemary.  Mentally you made note of dry ingredients needed for meals because after this you were not going to go back to your canned tuna and days old bread. 

After this trip, when you brought back a bounty, you'd sit at this round table with your head held high, feasting on the fruits of your labors. 

Wait...sit at this table? 

Sit beside Bakugou? The one who breaks you off a piece of the bread you're staring at. The same brute who growls in irritation as he gives you a meaty leg before starting Eri's plate and then his own. Reluctantly the young woman accepts his plate, fork pushing around some of the vegetables when Kirishima gives her a little nudge, leaning in and whispering, "Tell him after dinner." 

There was no way you could sit at this table right? 

Kota maybe, he seemed to be fitting right in during the time Eri retreated into herself. He has the files for the night and in his scrawled handwriting the "agenda" on a scrap piece of paper like it was the official meeting minutes from some corporate office. 

And you didn't miss the way Bakugou eyes Kota's plate and when he decides there isn't enough on it he growls out "Eat." Slapping on a juicy leg from the spit roasted chicken, even adding a few more vegetables before he's happy with the young man's plate. Kota's eyes gleam up at Bakugou in soft admiration and it's weird how time works. 

How it can stop for others and move so quickly minutes seemed like decades.

Maybe you wouldn't be able to come back but you sure as hell weren't going to stop Kota from returning. He was being cared for far better than what you could do in your dry rotted frame house with the dank cellar. So tonight you'd start thinking about your departure, write a note for Kota and start in the opposite direction after snagging supplies from the big warehouse you were taking them to. 

Shoto pours you a half glass of wine bringing you back to the table while earning a glare from Bakugou.

"One glass won't kill her. Might help her sleep." He passes you the stemless glass that says in chipped paint mommy's sippy cup. 

A tremor runs through your body at the normalcy, at the warm feeling in your chest as idle conversation breaks out among the group avoiding the serious topics for the first half an hour purposefully. When dinner is finished Eri gets up to bring back sugar dusted strawberries and black berries. The last of the season, most Cedric turned into jams or canned but there were so many, Graham sent you around town to give out fresh berries. 

"Graham said you really made the yield for berries huge this year." Kirishima nudges you with a sharp smile, "Thanks cause these are my favorite." 

He pops a few in his mouth while some magically appear on your plate, Shoto pours you another glass of wine and more into Bakugou's. 

"Aight, let's get this shit show over with then we can finish shooting the bull. Game master?" 

"Been seeing a lot of deer tracks in the surrounding woods. Tracked a few to a meadow a few miles north. No abnormal activity or aggression aside from the normal rutting season. No abnormal growths or swelling. Shot one on my way back home and his blood and insides looked normal. Plenty of rabbit for the upcoming winter. Been giving the fur to Alma and Rach for them to make blankets or coats while I smoke and salt the meats." The raven haired one speaks up and Kota mouths his name to you. Sero.

"Pikachu?" The electric blonde perks at the nickname tonguing his cheek. Kota again mouths a name, Denki.

"Volunteer power supply is still doing well, occasionally we have a few no-shows or late to their shift but we have plenty of…" Denki looks to you, holding eye contact for a second before going on, "Plenty of involuntary power supply. Built some new generators that are doing well, worked on irrigation for Graham and I double checked the vans you'll be taking. Full tanks of gas and thanks to someone's hoarding, you'll have plenty of reserves." 

"Dr. Jekyll." 

"Absolutely loathe that name Katsuki." Shoto bites as Bakugou's eyes widen with warning before Sho carries on while Kota jots down the notes. 

"Overall health is doing well. After the last Walker attack there has been some nervousness around town, however the little book club that was happening had helped put the people at ease. They question why it has stopped and I hate not having an answer." He glares at Bakugou who keeps the same expression trained on his handsome features, "Food portions need little adjusting, households with kids aged 1-5 and 7-17 need extra this winter but nothing we cannot spare, especially with our new yields. This one here " He points to you, "Will need at least three days of full and proper meals in order for her to be any sort of asset on this little field trip you all have planned. Provisions are packed and accounted for, for four people. I assumed Kirishima, Bakugou, your favorite thief and Sero. Am I correct?" 

"Yes." Kirishima answers, but Kota and Eri object. 

"I'm going!" Both slam their firsts on the table and the dishes rattle. You close your eyes and inhale trying not to roll them as Bakugou barks out. 

"Absolutely not." He leans down to Eri's eye level across the table as they hold eye contact for the first time since the library, "No fucking way." 

"But she's been training me!" Eri points to you, exasperated, "I've been doing good. I even hit her!" 

"She hasn't had proper rest or meals in months Eri. You got lucky if she didn't let you have it." 

"Bakugou." You snarl and his vermillion eyes find yours. 

"Did you not tell Kota not to hold back as lying to her about her strength would only get her killed?" 

"I did. However I also taught him how to instill confidence into her. Not fucking berate her or embarrass her. Or undermine her judgment."

"Is that what you think I'm fuckin doing?!" He yells, twisting at his waist to face you fully to which you scoff. 

"You tell me." You gesture with your eyes to the young woman who's fighting back tears and Bakugou lets out a huge sigh. Running his large hand through his hair. 

"Eri…" 

"Don't. I get it. I'm weak." She's about to push away from the table but Kota catches her arm. He looks to you for reassurance before he lets out the breath he's holding. 

"It's not that we're weak, Eri. It's more that they're….scared." The room stiffens but Kota presses on, "Besides they can't run this fucking town without us right?" 

She rubs the heel of her palm across her eye while Brutus licks at her fingers by her side. 

"Ri-right. Nii-san is terrible with paperwork." And the whole table bursts into laughter as Bakugou stares at Eri. Relief washing over his eyes despite his hard set mouth. 

Kota pulls her chair back out for her to sit and she does, pushing her back in gently and keeping his dominant hand in hers. Writing with his non dominant hand as Kirishima is asked to speak up. 

"Security." 

"Doubly enforced. We were missing some materials to do so that we recovered from the theft situation. Denks electric fence is still operational and the last resident tunnel to the emergency community center was completed and tested today." 

"The Herrera's?" Bakugou asks and Kirishima nods. 

"These were completed after the hoard came through. Traps were set and diversions have been set every few miles and Jiro says there isn't any chatter about other compounds trying to move in on us. So far so good." 

"Kota, prisoner 45 still livin?" Bakugou asks, swirling his wine with a grimace. He hated the red shit but alcohol from the Before was better than nothing and Graham had yet to perfect distilling. Kota flips open the large binder with worn plastic paper protectors, his finger sliding down the page. 

"Still living, portions decreased last Saturday. Crime was-" 

"Don't need it. I know what he did." Bakugou interrupts, "Kirishima, Denki get him ready for transport. I'm only giving her two days Doc, can't have her running away on me." 

Bakugou glares at you then, purposefully placing his large palm on your thick thigh as he gives a tight squeeze. Reminding you of how his hand feels wrapped around your throat. You swallow and he watches your Adam's apple with twisted delight. 

"My maps?" You growl and Kota twists in the chair to reach into his book bag to hand to Bakugou. 

And somehow the action stings. It was as if those last five almost six years were for not. Quickly you are reminded that there is no loyalty in the End, only misplaced trust in hopes that the person in power fucks up sooner rather than later then you could reap the reward without too much risk. 

Your eyes glued to the exchange has you missing the desperate look Kota is giving you. The sorry that blazes in his eyes as it hurts him just as much but if he is going to continue to have access to the books that maybe help both of you escape one day and if not him at least you, then he had to play his cards right. 

Just like you taught him. 

"Clear the dishes." He orders and both Eri and Kota stand, taking the chipped china to the kitchen as Bakugou lays out your map that had the areas piqued his interest. His finger taps the circled area with your cryptic words. 

“What’s this?”

“The end all be all, Katsuki.” You growl his name and his grip on the edge of the map tightens, “It’s a fulfillment warehouse for Amzopack.” 

Everyone’s eyes widen in shock, this was going to be like a gold mine and at the same time dangerous.

Go big or go home, right?

“This a fuckin trap?” Bakugou barks, turning your chin to face him, his hands moving to rest on your throat. It’s odd that it feels like a comfortable weight now despite knowing that he could choose at any second to constrict his fingers and starve your brain of precious air.

“I heard what they did to the employees…” Sero starts and Denki finishes with an uncomfortable grimace. 

“Yea didn’t they lock them all up when a couple of workers came in infected. Forced them to keep working without them knowing until everyone was ya know…”

“Fucking rotting.” Bakugou growls. 

“They erected a huge electric fence to fry them before they let them out of the warehouse. It’s mostly bones, the fence is pried open but no one can take everything in that warehouse in just a few trips. I went just last year around this time. Lots of bones, maybe a few stray Walkers who might have followed someone else in and couldn’t figure out how to get out.” You lean over your map, studying the road ways and trying to remember how the roads looked. A lot of vehicles were crushed and plowed out of the way on the highways by the government or abandoned all together but it could be dangerous if there were any raiders on the fringes of the woods. 

And why the hell did they want to bring vans, greed? You look up, you see Kota return with Eri, they both look over the ledger as they listen to Bakugou start to dictate a list, his hand moving from the front of your neck to the nape, resting there as he talks. You try not to relax into the grip too much.

Your heart hammers in your chest for a sleuth of reasons, his hot palm on your skin, the way he lists family names without having to look and knowing their needs. The way he adds in toys for kids for the holidays if they can and if not lots of sugar for birthdays and celebrations for cakes. How needs coats of all ages on the list, of socks and underwear, knives for cutting. Baking sheets for Beatrice and even some chew toys for Brutus.

He knows what everyone needs off the top of his head, his voice causes an odd lump in your throat that only grows when you think you feel his thumb caress your skin.