#i keep feeling like I'm responsible for letting this happen
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chronicsyd · 1 day ago
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I'm gonna be so serious, y'all are remembering POWDER and Ekko and not JINX and Ekko when screaming about how much you "wanted Timebomb endgame over Caitvi"
shoving JINX in a relationship with her current mental state is not a good writing choice whatsoever, because Ekko literally had to keep rewinding time because she kept trying to kill herself. If Anything, That relationship would be rushed and fanservice because they would have jumped the gun in 2 episodes vs the 2 seasons it took for Caitvi and showing their ups and downs throughout their whole relationship.
The alternate universe works because Powder doesn't become Jinx and the two don't separate, unlike this universe where the two have been at odds for 7 years and almost kill each other back in Ep 7 of S1.
"But Cait never said sorry!" she didn't really have to, because Vi never stopped being in love with the girl that she Knows Cait is at heart, the Cocktail Molotov scene in Act 2 makes that VERY apparent. Cait saying that she was waiting for Vi to recover to address Jinx is the start of it because Act 1 Cait wouldn't have even Considered doing that, because she was so gung-ho about putting a bullet into Jinx that she Demanded Vi move out of the way for her to do so. She holds herself accountable with the mistakes she's made ("We can't erase our mistakes. None of us." that wasn't just a line targeted at Jinx to prove a point, there's deeper meaning behind it), and moving the guards out of the cell proving that she trusts Vi and her judgment on Jinx is that apology, Caitlyn has always been an "acts of service" kinda person over being a "verbal" kinda person; it's all over the place in S1 but Especially here in S2. But even after she takes Vi's shirt off, you could tell by her eyes and body language that she was most likely going to stop herself again to apologize for hitting her because the wound was in the same spot she initially hit, which was part of the lead up for This wound to even happen, but Vi's the one that just pulls her back in instead.
I'm also gonna add on that Vi thinks she made the wrong choice in trusting Jinx and thinking Jinx's changed because Jinx locked her in the cell and ran away again. So why in the Hell would Vi go chasing after her Again to be met with the same result time and time again? Vi isn't responsible for Jinx's mental health and y'all saying that are just weird. And I think it's apparent that Stillwater probably wasn't even in the top 10 things in her head being with Caitlyn, she was just running wild on emotions that she hasn't allowed herself to feel like-- Ever. And even if it Was Vi probably would have said she wasn't comfortable being in a jail cell of all places.
What was I talking about? Oh right, Timebomb.
Like Yes, it's shitty that Ekko doesn't get a happy ending considering he's the most unproblematic in the entire show. But people tend to forget that at the end of the day, Arcane is a TRADGEDY. It's not She-ra, it's not The Owl House, it wasn't going to be wrapped up in a neat little bow where everyone gets to smile and walk into the sunset with their loved ones, especially considering the fact that this season's being used as build ups to other stories, it's relatively clear that this isn't the last we're going to see of a lot of these characters. When they come back into play? well... who's to say?
But also, let's address that a lot of the Caitvi hate is just straight up homophobia at this point because a lot of people can understand Mel's admission to manipulating Jayce as an apology but Cait's actions we're suddenly braindead and need shit completely spelled out. like good lord I'm so tired of this. Y'all would NEVER have survived Catradora let me tell ya...
(My next post is gonna be a long winded rant about Maddie so stay tuned for that...)
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fastandcarlos · 10 hours ago
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"I Can't Sleep Without You" : ̗̀➛ Daniel Ricciardo
summary: after watching you walk out after an argument, daniel finds himself unable to settle knowing that you're not there with him
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Your eyes found themselves fixated on the ceiling once again, unable to push your argument with Daniel away from the forefront of your mind. It replayed again and again, the things you said, the feelings that surfaced, the hurt that Daniel had caused. 
Soon enough you found yourself walking out of the apartment, deciding to spend the night at a friend’s house. You thought it would be the perfect thing to do to forget about it, but you couldn’t have been further from the truth. 
Just like you, Daniel laid wide awake, struggling to believe what had happened. The bed felt empty without you, all he wanted was for you to be back there with him again. He couldn’t remember the last night he spent without you, although he knew the reason for it was all down to him. 
Arguments were rare between the two of you which was why you were both so overwhelmed. You’d shouted at Daniel louder than you ever had done before, likewise he’d said things you never thought you’d hear come from him leaving you both clashing. 
On his chest, Daniel’s phone kept lighting up. Each time he looked in anticipation that it might be a notification from you, only to be left disappointed each time he checked. 
No matter how many times he closed his eyes, Daniel soon found them open again as he thought about your argument and the things that he regretted. He knew now the things that he should have said, angry at himself for not saying those things rather than what he ended up saying to you. 
He knew the blame landed on him, but that didn’t stop Daniel feeling sorry for himself laying in the cold bed all by himself. The feeling of being without you was horrendous, hoping that you were struggling just as much as he was not being by his side. 
As another hour passed, Daniel picked up his phone again, scrolling through his list of contacts. His finger hovered over your name for a moment, silently debating with himself whether calling you was the best thing to do or not. 
Your eyes grew heavy once more when suddenly you were disturbed by the vibrations that came from underneath your pillow, reaching your hand under and pulling out your phone. 
When you saw Daniel’s name, your immediate response was to answer, that was until you remembered what had happened. You toyed with the idea for a moment, deciding to accept Daniel’s call on the last ring, gently pressing your phone to your ear, greeted by the sound of Daniel heavy breathing. 
“Dan,” you sighed, “what are you calling for at this time?” 
“I’m sorry, I know it’s late,” he replied, stunning you with how his voice wavered with upset. “I just wanted you to know how sorry I am. I’ve been such an idiot love, and now I’m lying here, unable to sleep without you here.” 
As he fell silent, you could hear Daniel sniffing as he tried to fight back the tears. You couldn’t begin to imagine how hard he was being on himself, unable to remember the last time that you heard Daniel upset, let alone crying and wiping away his tears.  
“It’s probably really selfish of me to ask, but is there any way that you could come home? I can’t sleep without you, and judging by the fact you answered my call, I'm guessing that you’re the same.” 
A sigh came from you as you thought for a moment, as much as you loved your friend’s home, it wasn’t the same as being in your own home and in the comfort of your own bed. 
“I’ll be there shortly.” 
Daniel muttered a thank you before leaving you to start heading home. You grabbed a couple of your things, writing a note for your friend before heading to your car. You were careful as you drove, keeping yourself composed as you dreaded to think how things would go when you got home.  
There was a light on as soon as you pulled up outside your home, locking your car and heading to the front door. You barely opened the door before Daniel greeted you, his face red and blotchy from where he had been crying. 
“Hi,” you murmured. 
A lump ran down your throat as your eyes met Daniel’s, walking into the apartment and taking a seat on the sofa. The place was a mess from how Daniel had left it, with him sitting on the seat beside you, but keeping a bit of distance between you both.  
His hands brushed through his hair as he tried his best to stay composed beside you. “I’m glad you decided to come back,” he whispered, “thank you.” 
“It’s fine.” 
You were blunter than Daniel had hoped, although it was the least that he deserved for how he had treated you, it still hurt him. 
“Love,” he slowly whispered, “I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am. I should never have said what I said, I was selfish, stubborn, inconsiderate, just an awful boyfriend. “ 
“You were an ass,” you agreed with a faint chuckle, glancing across at Daniel. “I shouldn’t have pestered you so much though, you obviously needed space and I didn’t give that to you, I probably just wound you up more.” 
Despite Daniel insisting that he was fine, you refused to believe him. You nagged and nagged, reminding him that he could open up to you. Daniel’s frustrations only grew though as he told you that he was fine, deciding to deal with things all by himself. 
“I wish things went differently tonight, Daniel,” you admitted, “this is our home, it’s where we should be spending every single night together.” 
“I agree, no matter how angry we are at each other.” 
Despite the early hours, the time apart was exactly what you needed. Both of you had some time to reflect, reminding yourselves just how much the two of you hated arguing with one another. 
Daniel’s hand slowly reached across and rested against your leg, shuffling along the seat so that the two of you were sat next to each other again. His smile turned up as your head rested down against his shoulder. 
“Can we go back to just being us? To cuddling in bed and falling asleep side by side.” 
You hummed in reply to Daniel, feeling his arms wrap around your frame as he lifted you up off of the sofa, resting you against his chest to keep you still. 
He didn’t let you go as Daniel dropped down onto the bed, resting you into his side as he pulled the duvet over you both. It felt like home again, smiling at how warm it was again with you right there with him.  
“This is much better,” Daniel murmured as he rested his head on yours, allowing his eyes to close once again. 
Your smile grew as he spoke. “Don’t ever let me complain about uncomfortable our bed is again, she had me sleeping on the sofa and I think if I’d have spent the night there, I’d have ended up with a broken back.” 
A chuckle came from Daniel, “that’s because nowhere can compare to our bed, no one makes you feel as comfortable as I do anyway.” 
“That’s true, you’re the best.” 
˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗
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gingerrgen · 24 hours ago
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Spooning
A/n: Hi guys! This is my first writing ever so pls don't expect too much from it...😭
dom!Sevika x f!reader
tw: smut
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Sevika and you have been in a "situationship" for a while now, today is like any other day...she's at your place hooking up since both of you agreed this as a "no strings attached relationship". Since before she proposed this to you, you already fell for her so you didn't even knew why'd you agree to this.
You two are at your house, on the couch hooking up.
"You said we were going to watch TV" Sevika said with a teasing tone. "Shut up" it's the only thing you manage to answer between the kiss. She just know how to push your buttons for any reason; you get on top of her as the kiss deepens.
"Eager are we...?" Sevika teases you, she enjoys it a little too much. "Wait" you said standing from the couch, "what happened?" Sevika asks confused. You walk to your room and bring something in your hand, a strap-on. Sevika's eyes widen as she sees you walk up to her with that in your hands. "Came prepared huh" is all she manages to say. You hand it over to her, no words needed, she knew exactly what you meant.
"Let's go to my room, more comfortable"
With that said both of you went to your room, you layed down but your prior activities had you tired. "Are you sleepy?" Sevika asked, "just a little but don't mind me..." she wasn't convinced with your answer so she proposed something to you. "Why don't we try spooning?", that idea never crossed your mind, not a tidy bit, "yeah...yeah that could work"
Sevika wraps her arms around you, pulling you closer to her, both of your bodies pressed against each other. She leaves soft kisses in the back of your neck sending shivers down your spine, she can feel how exhausted you are, "I'll be gentle". She pressed the tip of the toy in your entrance making you moan softly, "you okay?" she asks in a soft voice, which you just nod in response. She took that as a sign to keep going, she pushes the dildo deeper and deeper into you; all you can do is moan and whimper indefensibly.
Sevika starts with a slow and steady pace "you like that don't you?", you indeed liked it, she starts to keep up with the pace, going a little faster and harder, hitting all your good spots. Her metal hand gripping into your hip to keep you in place.
"Sev...I'm close" is all you mange to say in your sleepy voice, she grins at your comment, increasing her pace to give you exactly what you want. She leans over to your ear and with her raspy voice she said "come for me"
It didn't took you long to climax all over the toy, leaving you panting and a little dizzy
Sevika pulls out the toy with a little "pop", "are you okay?" she asks in a sweet tone, "yeah...you're too good for me you know?" you manage to laugh, Sevika laughs with you scooping you closer to her. "Wanna sleep like this?", "yeah...I'd like that"
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A/n: guys this could me absolute 💩 but I hope you enjoyed it! I'm nothing but a random girl with the need of writing :)
Any suggestions or constructive criticism are appreciated!
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rosyhoneydew · 1 day ago
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nsf/w continuation of this fic below ⬇️ happy Thanksgiving pt. 2!
Buck opens the door for them to step back inside. He thrills a little at the feeling of Tommy's hand on his waist. God, it feels good to have those hands on him again. Chimney's alone in the kitchen, bagging up turkey and setting the dishes in the sink. He smirks at the two of them when they walk in and Buck resists the urge to smooth down his hair where Tommy had grabbed at it.
"You two talk things out then?"
Buck gives him a look. "You know there were easier ways you could've gotten us to talk."
"This way seemed more fun," Chimney responds lightly. "Can I get you some leftovers, Tom?"
"That would be great, thanks."
When Buck looks up at him, Tommy is smiling. He looks like he's come back to life. It's a stark difference from the cautious, uncomfortable man that walked in a few hours ago.
Tommy catches him looking and the smile grows sweeter.
"Come home with me tonight," Buck leans up to whisper.
He gets an eyebrow raise in response.
"Just to spend one night, not- I'm not asking for more than one night."
Tommy leans in even closer, his lips pressed to Buck's ear. He places a kiss at the soft spot of his jaw and whispers back, "Okay."
They pack up the night quickly after that. Tommy helps with the dishes, You guys did all the cooking, let me do this and Buck gets called into Jee's bedroom to say goodnight. When he emerges, 2 stories later, Maddie, Chim, and Tommy are standing around the counter, chatting and laughing. It sends a ripple through his heart. He can't help but think of Maddie's advice I think you have to trust the Universe is gonna bring you a special person. What could be more special than this, he thinks, a warm feeling washing over him.
Tommy drives them back to Buck's apartment. There's a slight hesitancy in him as they walk inside, maybe wondering if Buck has changed his mind, remembering what happened last time. Buck hasn't. He grabs Tommy's hand and pulls him inside.
He doesn't give either of them the time to overthink. The moment they're inside he's got his arms around Tommy's shoulders, kissing him messy and dirty and full of pent-up feeling that he's been trying and failing to burn out in his oven.
Tommy matches him step for step, he wraps one arm around Buck's waist and drops the other hand to his ass, squeezing and pulling him closer. They stand there, making out in Buck's kitchen for minutes on end before the desperation Buck feels becomes too much. He pulls away, pecking Tommy on the lips a few more times, like he can't stop.
"Bed?" he asks.
Tommy nods, repeats, "Lead the way."
Buck walks them upstairs, shimmying off his pants and shirt before laying back in the center of the bed. Tommy watches for a moment, like he can't believe he's here. It's sweet, but Buck is hungry so he spreads his legs wide and drops a hand to his dick, playing with it over his boxers.
"Come on," he urges.
Tommy follows after that, dropping to his knees and hooking his hands behind Buck's legs. He uses the leverage to pull Buck to the edge of the bed, nuzzling his cock the second he's eye-level. It's not what Buck was expecting, the sudden movement and stimulation making him gasp.
"Baby," he groans.
Tommy opens his mouth and places kisses along Buck's cock, sucking through the cloth at the head. It's dulled by the cotton, but the feel of Tommy's warm mouth and tongue pressing against him still leaves Buck moaning through it.
Tommy pulls his underwear down at the sound, staring at Buck, fully bare and flushing under the attention. The sensation of being watched sends tingles through Buck's body and he squirms. Tommy holds his hips to keep him still.
"I've missed you so much."
"You talking to me or my dick?" Buck asks.
Tommy sends him a look, but it dissolves in a moment. "Both," he admits. "I love your dick."
"Yeah, you miss having it inside you, baby?"
Tommy groans. Buck wishes either of them had the patience for that tonight. He lifts his hips a little instead.
"Want your mouth."
Tommy doesn't make him wait. He licks up and down Buck's cock a few times and then sucks the head inside his mouth. It's hot and soft inside his mouth, the way it always is, and Buck moans.
He sucks the head a few times, getting the angle right before he takes Buck down, going all the way until his throat is stuffed full. It makes a wet, clicking sound when he does and Buck gasps in response, eyes closing in arousal. He's always loved the sound of sex.
Tommy works him faster after that, gliding up and down in a wet slide that leaves Buck moaning and twisting in Tommy's hold. It doesn't take him long to get close. The feeling of Tommy's tongue pressing flat against him and the Tommy's right hand slips up to play with his balls and press just behind them gets him there.
"Close, baby, I'm so close," he gets out, urgent.
Tommy groans, working faster and spending more time sucking at the head as he does. He runs his tongue in figure eights there and slides down in rapid up and down motions and Buck is gone.
Buck can hear himself moaning and tries to keep his hips from fucking up into Tommy's throat with too much abandon, but Tommy doesn't seem to mind. He moans himself, swallowing and sucking Buck through it.
Buck is still coming down when he notices, Tommy's got his head resting against Buck's thigh, his mouth open on the grunts and groans pushing forward. He's got one hand, still wet with Buck's come, stroking his cock fast and hard. Buck's not even sure when Tommy got his pants undone. The sight of it is so blingingly erotic that Buck feels a shockwave of arousal run through him again. It's not long after that that Tommy looks up at him, eyes pinching before they roll back as he comes.
They sit there breathing for a moment, before Buck pulls Tommy up to the bed that has to be hell on your knees. Tommy lays down next to him, reaching a dry hand over to weave his fingers into Buck's. There's still so much to say, so much that Buck wants to make sure they air out, but for now they're content to lay like this. They've got time.
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florenceafternoon · 2 days ago
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━。゜✿ jily fic recommendations ✿ ゜。━
Thank you to all the authors who share their wonderful stories with us. I hope this list reminds you that I come back to these stories often and that your words are loved by many.
As always, these fics are set in the wizarding world but aren’t necessarily canon compliant.
For reference, anything in italics is taken from the summaries.
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A Hundred Visions and Revisions by @yallthemwitches
She loves him like this: sleepy, slap happy, sometimes a bit handsy but willing to meet her where she’s at in the moment. It’s the quiet moments like this that keep her going sometimes, knowing that whatever is happening out there will disappear by the end of the day when they can hold each other again.
To live for the hope of it all
Whispers in the Dark also by yallthemwitches
When Lily is awarded her prefect badge in fifth year, they warn her that James Potter has a talent for disappearing... but if that's true, why does he keep coming to her night after night, hoping to be caught?
Until the Light Takes Us also by yallthemwitches
A series of drabbles and fics following the prompt of Jilytober Fest 2024.
color theory by @clare-with-no-i
Lily Evans learns about love: its hues, its tints, its shades. Some disappoint. Some dazzle.
falling (for fools) by @jjameslily
She hated him. Hated his confidence, his messy charm, the way he managed to take up space even when he wasn’t saying a word.
Absolutely. Totally. Without question.
But, as much as she tried to focus, she couldn’t shake the nagging thought.
She’d never noticed just how distracting James Potter could be.
don’t let it make you cry also by jjameslily
Her eyes glistened, the love within her radiating from her. She let it ripple outward, weaving her spirit into the air around him, reaching beyond the veil, hoping he—Harry, their son—would feel it not as a ghost of a fleeting memory, but as a pulse. Alive. Real.
Quid Pro Quo by StarsAndDiamond (on ao3)
Lily Evans was not ready to go home for her sister's Christmas engagement, but she wasn't the only one up late at night in the common room.
Sharper Than Hope by @maraudersftw
“You’re…” A lick of lips; something sharper than hope on my tongue; another attempt. “You fancy me?”
every single time by @gigglesandfreckles-hp
Unrelated drabbles, fics, ficlets, and word dumps in response to jilytober 2024 prompts
2, 5, 10, 11, 12, 16, 19, 21, 27, 29 and 30 are my favourites
Lucky Number 7 by zipadeea (on ao3)
Lily Evans thought life at Hogwarts was busy enough for her, what with Prefect duties and N.E.W.T classes and meetings with the Slug Club. Then, Marlene convinces her to try out for the Gryffindor quidditch team.
Written because James was a Chaser, and I'm convinced Harry's athletic abilities come from both sides of the family tree.
crawl home by @annabtg
He doesn’t know if he’s alive or dead. All he knows is that he wants to go home.
Exhale by @petalsthefish
"Shhh," James leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers. "I’m so sorry, but I have to set the bones again. It’s okay to cry, you're doing so well. So well, baby."
"Fuck," she whimpered through her tears. "I hate this."
"I know, I know," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I hate this too, sweetheart."
Masquerade also by petalsthefish
James was going to jinx Sarah Hitchkes.
It was Sarah Hitchkes who conceived the entire idea, driven by two main motives. First, it was a fun and creative way for everyone to showcase their Patronuses. Second, it gave her the perfect excuse to throw a massive party. Scheduled for July 31st at her sprawling estate, the event was open to all the sixth- and seventh-year students. She dubbed it the “Patronus Party,” and it was set to be the social highlight of the summer—provided you could produce a corporeal Patronus.
this trope will always be a favorite of mine
Coincidence also by petalsthefish
“You look miserable.” Mary commented, noting Lily’s bored expression.
"I need to make out with someone like I need to breathe." Lily Evans hissed as she swirled her butterbeer and peered around the bar.
"James Potter's free."
In Their Short Time by @hogwartslivy
It was one hell of a love story. One that had a most tragic, untimely ending. They could never have guessed as mere children sitting across from one another on the train, all excitement and nerves and emotions, that their stories, all hopes and fears and loves, were to be forever intertwined.
Something Old Something New by @chiechie97
Weddings are the most beautiful things in the world. Unless you accidentally end up at your ex... somethings house to play violin at a family wedding.
Lily Evans just wants to get payed and go home to her cat. Perhaps she should have asked more questinos about the location and clients of her string quartets latest gig.
It’s Always You by @joyseuphoria
5 times jily kissed before they started dating
I'll keep your brittle heart warm by Iphigenniaa (on ao3)
Lily Evans didn't have to wash the blood off her hands that night, but she did have to wash the burning odor from her clothes, which seemed to soak even her own insides.
A Life With You by @kay-elle-cee
A Jily Lives AU collection of small moments from Hogwarts onwards, using the 31 Jilytober tumblr prompts.
7, 8, 10, 11, 12, 15, 17, 18, 20, 22, 24, 29 and 30 are my favourites
don't forget me by blackcanarys (on ao3)
At the height of the First Wizarding War, Lily Evans finds herself contemplating life, death and her mortality after a routine Order mission in 1978.
It's All Politics by acciosalmon (on ao3)
The most constant emotional sentiment in Lily's Hogwarts career was her complete and utter loathing of one William Mulciber
I have yet to read this one, but it was recomended to me because it explores how jily's power dynamic is altered when James isn't potraied as white but Lily is
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dood-itsradical · 2 days ago
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Twenty.
Pairing: Jaegyeon Na x GN!Reader
Summary: Just you and King of Incheon being idiots.
Genre/Trope: Frenemies. Friends with benefits.
Warnings/Details: Crackfic, cussing, nudes, sex mentioned, smoker reader, reader farted, no use of Y/n. Event set post Cheonliang arc.
A/N: I'm so normal for this ding dong. I do NOT take requests btw!
Masterlist
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“Then they fucking trashed my fucking car. Are you fucking kidding me? Fucking assholes.” Jaegyeon grumbled, brushing his hair back as you listened to him rambling about the passing of his Initial N. Brutal, you thought as you lit up a cigar between your lips.
He clicked his tongue, brushing away the smoke off his way. “Can you not?” You hardly give him a glance, inhaling and puffing out more smokes.
“So, about that James Lee dude.” You reminded him, technically to distract him by bringing the main topic back since it always worked like a charm. He blinked then continued, “Yeah, that. So I completely beat his ass and you know the rest.”
You raised a brow, “Right.” bringing your hand behind your head as you leaned on the headboard beside him. The white cover draped loosely on your abdomen, keeping both of you warm. You know damn well he's mostly bluffing, but you're too lazy to dig down deeper in the story. You could care less about what happened regarding the King of Cheonliang. But the story intrigued you nonetheless.
Randomly your stomach feeling funny, you had an idea. Well, not exactly. It's just a casual thing you'd do, so you just let the toot out under the blanket between your cheeks.
“That is fucked up.” Jagyeon commented, giving you a disgusted face.
“It wasn't even that bad.”
“Yah.” He retorted.
You shrugged without feeling any sense of remorse. “What? Like you never let out a huge one? It doesn't even smell.” He scoffed at this. “How'd you know?”
You pulled the blanket over to his head while being mindful of the cigar between your fingers. “Smell it, smell it then.”
He swept his hands, pushing them back with frustration. “Yah! Stop it!” He grimaced. You stopped your actions and continued teasing him. “See? It doesn't smell. Big farts don't smell, silent ones do.”
He baffled, gawking at your words. “That wasn't loud enough! So theoretically it does smell.” He shook his head with disapprovals, shifted away from you while covering his nose. Instead he got off the bed to the counter showing his glory. Your eyes trailed at his back before glancing elsewhere.
“Put something on, damnit.”
Jaegyeon poured the hot water into the ramen cups, “You've seen and touched ‘em all. Don't be a sourpuss, you just farted.” He comes back to the bed and hands one to you. You accepted it, putting away the cigar on the ashtray as he joined you once again.
The air is currently calm despite the usual banter. It's something both of you would rather get run over by a truck than admitting. Call it childish but you guys have said and exposed enough during your activities. No need to bring them up again as those were merely for ego boost.
Blowing your food, you shoved them in your mouth. As you chewed you spoke, “Oppa, you got twenty on ya?”
“Oh. Hang on.” As a response he pretended to go through his ‘pocket’ before pulling out his middle finger. You threw him a dirty look back then rolled on your side, exposing your bare back with your ass sticking out. His eyes followed shamelessly before realising you snatching on his Gucci bag from the floor for his wallet. He takes action immediately, eyes widened and all. “Oi, oi.” He put his ramen on the nightstand to stop you. But you were faster. He let out a groan when your bare foot met his face, pushing him back.
“Yah!!” He exclaimed, using his iron grip instead to pull on your ankle towards him. However you hardly reacted to his strength as you continued to snoop around his wallet. You checked out his cards and ID first before going through his cash, taking some dough out with satisfaction.
Feeling pissed off, he gave you a harsh smack on the ass which caused you to let out a loud yelp. You couldn't see it but you aren't an idiot to know he obviously leaves an obvious red handprint on you.
“What the fuck?!” You cried angrily at him, turning and kicked him square on the face, sending him backward as he fell off the bed with a loud thud. “Ah ssibal!” He cussed loudly but you knew that's barely anything to keep him down. He got back up again, seething with anger at you. You glared back but it quickly changed when he literally leaped onto you. “C’mere you piece of shit!
He pinned you down, pushing his weight on you for all your worth. Not caring if you started to suffocate. Yet again he never really took any consideration about hurting you since you hurt him just the same. Equal right, equal fight a wise person used to say.
“You ugly fuck, get off of me.” You grunted. “It's just fucking twenty.” The King of Incheon ignored your protest, barely budgeted against you. He pushed his hair back then brought his hand behind your neck to pull you closer as he breathed heavily onto your face.
You exhaled sharply, shifting your hips before picking up the sensation of his hardened bazongas. You rolled your eyes with annoyance. “Fuck, are you seriously right now?” Your face scrunched up. His lips hovered inches from yours, “Don't blame me.” and crashed onto your lips with a hungry yet sloppy kiss.
You returned the kiss as he brought you both back in the middle of the bed without parting himself from your lips. Snaking his hand from your hips to your legs and wrapped them around his waist. He rolled his hips possessively with slight desperation to silently declared a second round.
He pulled away, breathing onto your jaw as he left butterfly kisses on your skin. His hips pushed further into yours with a patient pace. “Forget the twenty. Dinner's on me then we'll go buy you some pretty stuff.” But of course, who are you to decline?
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bludermaus · 22 hours ago
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I'm not as angry as some folks for Swansea not killing Jimmy early
Okay so hear me out:
We know that Anya told Swansea about the things that Jonah has done (the game doesn't specify, but let's presume it was everything) and, in turn, Swansea becomes more rude and antagonistic towards James, as well as being even more protective of the Utility Room.
We don't fully know the contents of the conversation between them. Jimbo interrupted both of them, they could've continued talking about it afterwards or maybe they were at the tail end of it. The matter is, they talked about the remaining cryo pod and - from my interpretation - collectively decided to give Daisuke the cryo pod if a time for it came. Anya crying could be either because she was opening up to Swansea about Jimminy's crimes, the fact that she was going to stay behind with Swansea for Daisuke's sake, or a combination of both.
So... who knows if Anya even asked Swansea to do something about Jerry. For all we know they decided she'd just lock herself in the med room every night away from Jonathan while Swansea kept guard of the Utility Room. Maybe she asked Swansea to do something and he - like Curly - failed her. Or maybe she even told him not do anything hasty... which sincerely I feel was the case.
Hear me out hear me out! I think there are two reasons why Anya would ask Swansea to just keep it between them for now and not do anything harsh/violent against Jeremiah:
1) People don't just think about murder as their first response, it's *hard* to decide to kill someone, even if they are deserving considering the circunstances and how they reject any and all accountability;
2) As a nurse, I think Anya is well aware of what could happen by killing Jambalaya. There are mental effects that could happen, morale would go down from the loss of human life, killing someone is not an easy thing to do and their minds have already been stretched thin from the whole crash situation. And also, imagine they killed Jamboree... what now? They can't just dispose of the body. What happens after some time when the body decomposes? What happens when the putrid air takes over the ship? What mental and physical consequences would that bring to the rest of the crew inside such a closed space with that smell? What if it's very hot inside and now you're stuck with that smell?
I just think that they decided it was better to just cope with Jizzy for the moment - handle him very carefully - because the moment they decided to kill him it'd signal the beginning of the end, their already stretched-thin mental states wouldn't hold much longer. I *GUESS* they could've killed him, put Daisuke in the cryo pod, mercy killed Curly, then Anya could've OD'ed on the pills and Swansea could have drunk so much Mouthwashing that he expired... but like, who goes for that as their first option?
Anyways this was long enough! I could be super wrong, this is just my interpretation of things, what matters is that we all hate Jimmy, fuck him. Also do not defend Curly, I feel bad for all the ordeal that he had to deal with post-crash but man you really fumbled the bag when taking responsibility was most necessary. Even if he hadn't done anything immediately, at least tell Anya that she had his full support and that Jinny would pay for his actions and that he needed some time to think of what exactly to do but that he WOULD actually do something, not just push away to the back of his mind
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maddiethedogstories · 2 hours ago
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The Baby Doctor
Reposting this because it seems to have disappeared from this blog for some reason! Enjoy!
This wasn't supposed to happen! She was never supposed to be here. She was a smart, intelligent, capable woman. She had graduated from medical school for God's sake. But, she had pissed off the wrong nurse. Now, here she was, helplessly her diapers for the entertainment of the whole labor and delivery night shift.
It has been the third week of Dr. Bun's residency. She was on the tail end of a horrendous on-call shift. She was working through her charts and, in her delirium, got sloppy in her attention to detail. She accidentally ordered that one of her patients should be given a deadly amount of pain killers to deal with post-delivery pain.
Luckily for her patient, the doctor supervising the young doctor did not trust her yet. He caught her mistake, fixed it, then tracked down Dr. Bun to give her some aggressive constructive criticism. That's where Dr. Bun fucked up.
Rather then owning her mistake and promising to do better, Dr. Bun deflected the blame onto the nursing staff. Specifically, she alleged the nurse treating the patient, Nurse Angela, must have got in the system and messed up the order. Dr. Bun's supervisor was skeptical, but chose to trust his newest charge. He let the resident off with a warning and went to give the nurse a piece of his mind.
Unfortunately for Dr. Bun, the software the hospital used to treat patients kept careful record of precisely who made what orders. Fortunately for the girl, however, her supervisor had no idea that software has that capability. Nurse Angela, in the other hand, was very aware of it.
A couple of days later, when Dr. Bun was back in the hospital changing into her scrubs for the shift, Nurse Angela walked into the room holding two things--a print out from the record keeping software pinning the deadly medication order on Dr. Bun and a bulky, white adult diaper.
"Dr. Bun, I have a bone to pick with you. You pinned a potentially deadly mistake on me when, both you and I know I had nothing to do with it," Nurse Angela said. "That sort of dishonest, manipulative behavior is something I'd expect from a naughty toddler, not a doctor."
Dr. Bun began to feel upset at being challenged so directly by a person she considered beneath her.
"I didn't lie! You must have screwed up my orders, nurse," Dr. Bun, spitting out the word nurse as if it was the worst epithet imaginable.
Nurse Angela just calming walked up to the young, arrogant doctor and handed her the print out of the record confirming Dr. Bun's mistake.
"That is not what this says. Did you know dishonesty is a fireable offense at this hospital? One that the hospital reports to the medical board as well as any future employers?" Nurse Angela asked rhetorically. The older nurse smiled as the young woman's face dropped.
"I… uh… I'm so sorry! I'll do anything to make this up to you! Anything, just, please, don't tell anyone!" The resident pleaded.
The nurse's grin widened, becoming predatory. She motioned with the white, fluffy object in her other hand.
"Well, like I said Doctor, you've been acting more like a toddler than the responsible adult you are supposed to be. I think you need a reminder of that at all times from now on. Until I decide otherwise, if you want to keep your job here, you will wear and use one of these at all times when you are at work. The hospital's bathrooms are off limits to you, and, like the naughty toddler you are, you are not allowed to change yourself. If you want your wet or messy butt changed, you will have to track down one of the nurses in my labor and delivery unit and convince them to change you, understood?"
The young woman had no idea how to respond to that. Her eyes darted between the document in her hand and the bulky adult diaper being held by the nurse. Thoughts of being fired and her career being ruined darted through her head. She couldn't afford to pay back her student loans if she wasn't working as a doctor.
Backed into a corner, Dr. Bun did the only thing she could. She accepted Nurse Angela's offer.
Dr. Bun immediately found herself changed into the first of what would be many diapers by the nurse in the locker room. The next few weeks were full of humiliation and torment for the doctor as she adjusted to her knew position as the nursing units pet toddler, but, eventually her work days fell into a comfortable pattern.
She would use the restroom just prior to leaving work to minimize the risk of messy 'accidents.' She'd report to work where one of the nurses would help her get dressed for her shift. Then, she would proceed with her day as normal, seeking out a nurse for a change when she felt her diaper get too full.
Yes, it was humiliating to have the waistband of her scrubs pulled back or her crotch squeezed by another woman to have her diaper checked. Yes, it sucked laying on a locker room bench while her ass was wiped by someone she considered her subordinate. However, the human mind was resilient and could get used to anything once it happened enough.
Plus, her new situation has some benefits. She was getting praised by her supervisors for how well she worked with the nursing staff. Plus, not having to run to the bathroom all the time gave her more freedom to care for her patients. After a month as the hospital's diapered doctor, Dr. Bun would actually describe things as going well.
Nurse Angela was happy to see Dr. Bun's turn around, but noticed she was starting to get cocky again. The positive reviews from her supervisors lead her to once again become increasingly condescending towards the nursing staff. So, to remind the young doctor of her position, the nurse made Dr. Bun another offer she couldn't refuse.
That's how the young, professional woman with a medical degree found herself here. Nurse Angela has thrown a special, team building party at her home for all of her fellow labor and delivery nurses. The young doctor was also invited as entertainment.
When Dr. Bun arrived, she was stripped of her adult clothes. She was diapered, put in an childish shirt with padded mittens, and had a pacifier slipped in her mouth. She was instructed she was nothing more than a baby for the evening, not allowed to speak, walk, or care for herself in anyway. Worst of all, a suppository was shoved up her cute little bottom.
A baby blanket was laid in the middle of Nurse Angela's living room and she was instructed to stay on it. As her co-workers arrived and began to surround her, cooing at her like she was an actual baby, the babified doctor's stomach began to rumble and cramp. Once the last guest arrived, she couldn't take it anymore. Tears of embarrassment running down her face, Dr. Bun got onto all fours, sticking her diapered ass into the air as a wet fart escaped her butt cheeks.
Nurse Angela looked down and smiled. She drew everyone's attention to the scene. "Look everyone, I think the baby's about to make a stinky for us!"
Dr. Bun's coworkers laughed as they watched her lose control. Closing her eyes and grunting loudly, Dr. Bun pushed out a huge load of crap into her bulky diaper. She closed her eyes as she did it, pretending she was anywhere but here. While she had messed herself before, and many of these women had in fact changed one of her messy diapers, it had never been so public and so humiliated. The nurses cheered the doctor on as she debased herself like an infant for enjoyment.
When the doctor was finished, Nurse Angela beant down and whispered in her ear. "Remember doctor, no matter how good you are at your job or how many accolades you receive, to us, you will never be more than a stupid, untrustworthy little baby. Now sit in your mess and play with your toys. It's going to be a long night."
Dr. Bun could only do as she was told, suck on her pacifier and cry as she came to terms with the fact that she'd be these nurses plaything for the rest of her life.
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thebiggerbear · 1 day ago
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i think i've seen this film before
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Summary: When three certain little words escape him, you know them for what they are: a plea not to leave him alone with only his thoughts and whiskey for company. You've seen this song and dance before.
Warnngs: heavy angst, cheating/infidelity, light smut, dagger analogy (Idk if this is a thing but putting it here in case)
Word Count: 2202
Response to prompt from @me-writes-prompts
A/N: Yes, I'm still on writing hiatus but this came pouring out of me today from where I have no idea. Must be the holiday. I feel like this happened last year, too, with Something Real which was also a bucket of angst and heartbreak. So it definitely has to be the holiday then. All completely unbeta'd (and probably very messy quite truthfully, I'll have to come back and try to clean it up later tonight, there may be some switching around of tenses, sorry!). As an aside, I don't condone any form of cheating but this just came out as is and I was so relieved to be writing something, that I just kind of went with it. I was going to keep it as a blank character x reader but in the end, the muse overruled me and let a name slip of who it was imagined to be. She's a sneaky bitch who can't be trusted to keep anything resembling a secret, I swear.
You can also read on AO3
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“I love you.”
Those three little words, barely said in a whisper, make you freeze. After your heart starts beating again, after your brain has processed that yes, he really just said that, you continue slipping your shirt over your head. 
Once you pull your hair free from your neckline, you turn to where you left him moments earlier, sprawled out on his back on the bed, an arm behind his head with the mist of sweat drying on his skin, his hair a crime scene of damp wayward strands with your fingers having been the perpetrator. You find him watching you intently with those eyes that you swear can see down to the deepest parts of you zeroed in on your face, a faint trace of hope lining the irises you’ve so often found yourself lost in these past few months. You momentarily clench your jaw as you steel yourself to say what you need to. “You shouldn’t say that to me.”
Where you expected to see heartbreak or some vestiges of pain, you only saw determination, suddenly renewed. You then realize your mistake. You hadn’t said the one word he expected to hear, the one he needed to hear: No. So it doesn’t surprise you when you see the hope in his gaze flare brighter, perhaps believing he’s not alone in this after all. 
You watch as he moves aside the thin sheet covering the last traces of his modesty, fully revealing himself to you as he swings his legs over the side of the bed and stands. The irony of the action is not lost on you; he’s making himself vulnerable before you, letting you see every inch of him, even what’s beyond skin deep.
He is suddenly before you, this large man whose hulking stature had completely dwarfed you minutes ago as he had pushed your thighs back and pistoned in and out of you, groans escaping him as droplets of his sweat christened your bare skin repeatedly. And yet, despite the size of him, here he is, exposing himself in such a way that you feel like the tall one, even as you crane your neck to meet his intent gaze head on.
The tips of his fingers gently urge your chin up a little higher so he can see all of you, both of you laid bare to one another as his eyes swallow you whole. “Yes, I should,” he murmurs. “I love you.” You know what’s about to happen, especially as his eyelids lower slightly and he begins to dip his head. The insatiable monster inside you craves his lips on yours, his tongue tangling with yours in a tango that mimics the one your bodies just did, craves him, but you force yourself to pull away.
Ignoring the hurt lining his expression, you turn to look for your shoes that had been kicked off as you both stumbled into the room, glued to one another and tearing at each other’s clothes in your desperate need to have your skin meeting his. Once you spot them, you take a step in that direction when his hand on your elbow stops you.
“Baby,” he pleads. 
“Don’t,” you whisper, refusing to look at him like he’s begging you to.
When you attempt to move again, his hand releases you only for his arm to snake around your waist and prevent you from leaving. You’re not surprised when he pulls you closer and you can feel the scratchiness of his unshaven face against your neck as he burrows into you.
“I love you, Y/N,” he rasps into your ear. He’s begging again, though this time you know it’s more for you not to leave more than his insistence on your belief in his feelings for you. He doesn’t want you to leave him here, alone with only his thoughts to keep him company along with some top shelf whiskey the hotel staff stocks exclusively for him in the mini bar. 
It used to work, this heartfelt plea whispered against your skin, nuzzled against your cheek, pressed against your lips, until you gave in and let him lay you back down on the bed, giving yourself over to him completely for however long he wanted you. Now, though, you’ve grown stronger, smarter, and that’s why it’s easier than ever to push away from him and look him dead in the eye. “Then get a divorce.”
You see the expected pain magnify throughout his handsome face and you take the opportunity of his reaction to your response to finally move away and grab your shoes, slipping them on as quickly as possible. 
He quietly clears his throat before the familiar deep voice that has murmured the dirtiest and sweetest things you’ve ever heard into your ear tears through the quiet paper-thin hush of the room that usually exists once your frenzied lovemaking ceases. “Y/N, we’ve talked about this. You know I can’t—”
“Not my problem,” snaps out of you. You don’t even bother to roll your eyes anymore at the age-old response he gives you every time you dose both of you with reality like this. Except it is your problem, very much your problem. Hell, it became your problem the moment you allowed him into your apartment that one snowy night, fully knowing you were about to change your life forever and not necessarily for the better. When you finally found out how easily your scratches could be seen on his skin, how divine his lips tasted especially after they had drunk deeply from yours and your body still ricocheted with aftershocks from your orgasm, and how taut his back muscles became with every slow and hard thrust into you. When you found out how intoxicating the sounds of his groans in your ear were as he took pleasure in what your body offered his, how dry your mouth was afterwards from all of the loud panting you did as his mouth ghosted over yours while he repeatedly hit that one spot deep within you, and how tightly he held onto you once he came, unwilling to let you go until he had absolutely had to.
You tamp down the desire you feel unfurling underneath your skin at the memories of that night and grab your jacket and handbag from where you’d tossed them. You refuse to think any further about that night, about how he had begged you to let him in, his chest heaving and snowflakes rapidly melting in his short hair, his eyes darker than you’d ever seen them and glancing repeatedly at your lips. You absolutely don’t think about the way his mouth desperately claimed yours the moment you opened the door wider and he was on you, kicking the door shut behind him. Or about how only minutes later he had you backed up against the wall, your jeans and panties tossed away somewhere, and him on his knees with his head buried between your legs, making you grip his hair as you bit your lip so hard it bled. Or even about how you had clawed at the wall he had turned you to face as he pounded away at you, his hand turning your head so he could sloppily kiss you, grunting loudly into your ear with every thrust as the rough fabric of his coat sleeve rubbed against your neck. Or how the buckle of his open belt rattled with his movements, only to be rivaled by your own cries, both being surpassed by his loud drawn out roar of “Fuck!” as he buried himself to the hilt within you and burrowed his face into your neck. His hot and harsh breaths dampened your skin while you reached a hand up to run soothingly through his wet hair, struggling to regain the ability to breathe yourself. No, you weren't going to think about how he then moved you to your bedroom from where neither of you emerged until hours later in search of sustenance and electrolytes.
Instead of allowing yourself to get lost in the thoughts of that night, you take a small breath and start heading for the door.
“I love you, dammit.” He’s angry now, just as you knew he would be the closer you got to leaving, leaving him. “Doesn’t that count for anything?”
You stop and you hear him take a step closer. You don’t have to turn to look at him to know there is a cautious renewal of hope lighting his eyes. You had stopped after all. But you both have done this dance before and each time it ends the same way. 
“No, you don’t,” you answer him quietly, almost gently. Your aim is not to hurt him, never to hurt him. He’s been hurt enough and you will be damned if will be like her and add to his pain. But at the same time, you can’t lie nor will you continue to swallow any of his. So, like always, you spare him but not yourself. “You think you do, but you don’t. You don’t love me.”
“Yes, I do.” He’s closer now, his voice is cracking slightly…he’s a few moments away from coiling his arms around you like a snake and keeping you from walking out the door, again. 
And so you make it quick, you plunge the dagger of truth into your own chest and let the pain bloom within you, spreading quickly through your veins like wildfire. “You don’t because if you did, you wouldn’t keep me in a holding pattern like this.” You then force yourself to turn and face him, your eyes hard as diamonds and your face one of stone. “I’m purely a convenient fuck for you when you get lonely, or someone to call when it all becomes too much. This isn’t even an affair. I’m nothing more than a painkiller that comes with an orgasm or two. That’s it and you know it. So, no, you don’t love me, because if you did, you would never use me like this.”
As expected, his eyes widen and his jaw drops. You can see the protests building in his throat but you cut him off.
“And if I loved you, I wouldn’t let you continue to use me like this.” 
He stands there, staring at you, a small sadness growing in his deep gaze. This always happens. As much as you try to spare him and not bleed out your pain all over him, some tiny amount almost always splashes onto him. You can’t help that. One of you has to be the strong one and keep it real; it just happens to always be you.
So you don’t allow his crestfallen expression to get to you and you lift your chin slightly, rolling your shoulders back as you straighten your spine. “I’ll see you when I see you.” 
You spin on your heel and stride towards the door. When your fingers grab onto the door handle, you hear a broken plea of “Don’t leave…please.” You clench your jaw and force yourself to open the door, refusing to look back.
“Goodbye, Jensen.”
You walk across the threshold and pull the door closed behind you. You make your way to the elevators, unsurprised that he doesn’t quickly dress and run after you. He never has before; why would that change now? When the elevator dings and thankfully the car is empty, you step into it and hit the “close door” button. You wait and as expected, no calls of “Wait!” or chimes of your phone sound as the doors take their sweet time closing despite their directive. Once they’re shut, once there is no possibility of him seeing you or hearing you, you sink against the wall of the car and grasp at your chest, your breath loudly catching as the full weight of the pain you had denied yourself begins to flow through you anew. Tears mark your cheeks and you let out a sound akin to a strangled sob. 
Yes, you do love him and that is why you continue to let him use you in this way. That is why you opened the door that night and let him in, fully knowing what was going to happen. That is why you allowed him to take your friendship and mangle it into whatever dark and hopeless form it takes now. You fucking love him; of course you do.  In the same breath, though, you know he doesn’t love you and this last bit of pain is what finishes you as the elevator continues to descend: and he never will. You turn your body to face the corner and hold a hand over your mouth, beginning to cry outright. He will never love you the way you love him. No matter how many times you run to him when he calls, no matter how you let him take pleasure in you or comfort in your arms, no matter how many times you’ve begged him to end things with her and be with you instead…he will never love you. You loudly sob as the sharp tip of that truth dagger from before lodges itself into your heart, almost neatly fitting into the groove from all of the previous times. Your heartbreak is the only sound that echoes throughout the small space along with the glaring silence of your phone. And just like that, once again, the dance comes to its predictable end.
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A/N: So yeah, sorry about that. As always, no disrespect is ever meant to Jensen, Danneel, or their family. I'm not suggesting or implying anything about either Jensen or Danneel, I just had him in my head while writing. Purely fictional.
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dividers by @firefly-graphics
Jensen RPF: @ladykitana90; @lemonfreak97; @lacilou; @waynes-multiverse
Forever Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel; @hobby27; @impala67rollingthroughtown; @ladysparkles78
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wardingshout · 3 months ago
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I love your designs for them so so so much, your art in general is incredibly appealing!!! Your color works so beautiful, breathtaking honestly!!!
I’m super honored to be mutuals :D
SCREAMING CRYING PUKING THROWING UP WHEEZING HOLD ON HOLD ON HOLD ON OK HOLD ON HOLD THE PHONE THEY THEY THEM THEM!! THEM!!!!!
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I'm sorry this caught me so off guard but omg they are precious this is so so precious!!!;;;;;; 💖💖💖 I feel like I could look at them forever thank you so much!!;;; their poses are so cute and the colours are so nice and warm and pleasant and the fabrics look so comfy I feel so comfy and full of love I'm;;; it's them I cannot believe it's Them,,,, 💕💕
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and what do you mean YOU're honoured, your art is absolutely insane I'm the honoured one !!!!!
all of your works are so incredibly done and you're so full of really cool ideas and concepts and you have Such a nice way of portraying all the characters like everything you post just feels so full of Care !!! ;v; the posing the expressoins the environment and colours and everything is just! a chef's kiss isn't big enough, it's 'blows a massive embarrassing smooch across the earth' kiss !!!! ;v; I'm so excited to see everything you're gonna create !!!!
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and omg I am especially in love with your WW designs already I hope you have an absolute blast with the game !!! ;v; 💖💖💖
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tardis--dreams · 2 years ago
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It did something actually. My lecturer sent me a long reply expressing her sympathy and asking me to keep her updated if she 'harasses' me again. Most importantly though, she said she really didn't want to let me fail so once I'm enrolled again i should let her know and she'll register my grade for the paper i already handed in so i don't have to write another one
Ok i reported her after she sent me two more emails. It's not gonna do anything but i just really wanted my lecturer to know so-
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lurking-latinist · 7 months ago
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#after uh. not enjoying hornblower: loyalty all that much I finally watched hornblower: duty#and enjoyed it a lot more. I think there's meta there with mutiny/retribution#I gather they were sort of not allowed to mention kennedy but you know that makes sense in-universe.#horatio isn't allowed to mention him either. not really. and I do think he'd clam up about him. that's horatio all over#but you can't convince me that survivor's guilt of his is only over bracegirdle#(bracegirdle makes it worse obviously)#also his letting doughty off really makes me want it to have been him that pushed sawyer#I always want it to have been him just because so much of his later career either makes more sense or has additional dramatic irony#if he knows himself to be an unhanged mutineer#BUT he doesn't have to have actually done it. he just has to THINK he is guilty#for instance - recently aubreysmaturin made a pretty good case for it having been Wellard in the books#but if it's Wellard--then Horatio's gone down a path of 'I was his senior officer I was responsible to have stopped him I wanted Sawyer dea#so basically I am guilty' - because again that is what it is to be a Horatio Hornblower.#(in fact another clue pointing to Wellard is that the universe always seems to bend to keep Hornblower's hands clean#like that time he lied that the war was over only to later find out that in fact unbeknownst to him it was over.#he gets the thing he guiltily wanted and he gets it without actually doing the guilty thing and so no one will blame him#except his own conscience)#anyway that's the books. I don't think it was Wellard in the show#I'm not sure what I think happened in the show#but whatever it was Horatio *feels* responsible#I'm not saying that's *why* he let Doughty off but I think there's a kind of secret symmetry there#hornblower
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'I just don't believe in/understand it!' well unfortunately for you I just don't stop existing as an agender person bc you don't believe in it. I'm not fucking tinkerbell.
#vent post#transphobia#let's play a game where we guess if my mom can ever learn to apologize when she did something wrong on accident#and that answer is rarely if ever#a lot of this isn't going to make sense#so just ignore me#also class move from my mom in response to being told she was (potentially) misgendering to RANDOMLY BRING IN MY FATHER WHO I'VE BEEN TOO#SCARED TO EVEN COME OUT TO YET#LIKE NO I HAVEN'T BROUGHT THIS UP WITH DAD AND YOU FUCKING KNOW WHY#BUT THANKS FOR BRINGING HIM INTO THE CONVERSATION I GUESS THAT WAS SUPER RELEVANT#maybe I messed up but so fucking did you#confronted her in the most neutral and nicest way I could bc I KNEW she wasn't misgendering on purpose and so I SAID THAT#and /I/ get called TOO SENSITIVE when asking them too be a bit more careful#I'm not asking for tHE FUCKING MOON HERE I'm asking you to LEARN TO CORRECT YOURSELF WHEN MESSING UP#and I keep fucking saying sorry why do I DO this the second there's friction#I just start apologizing for her and saying I never meant to cause harm I can never stick to my guns when I feel someone's mad at me#especially someone I'm close to why am I LIKE this#this happened the last time we argued and then I feel bad and she gets off scott free#this sounds one-sided but to be fair I did make a misunderstanding#but I still get called ''''too sensitive''''' while holding no accountability#I was APPROACHABLE and NEUTRAL in bringing it up so we could HAVE A CONVERSATION LIKE ADULTS#and yet STILL ASKING FOR TOO MUCH and get the cold shoulder#I knew she was mad from the first text#this shifts lines a little for me#misgendering#tw transphobia
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hooved · 2 years ago
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i know everyone's told me to rest because i'm sick but i just can't. it doesn't feel right. i need to do everything i can rn because i'm scared that any second we'll be told to get out NOW
#there's a lot of legal shit going on so i'm really unsure when exactly we'll have to leave#my mom keeps telling me to pack an overnight bag just in case and i know she's right but there's other things i need to do first#plus i'm not leaving my computer here. i'm just not. i can't. it's my most important possession. it keeps me sane if you can call it that#i need to get everything else ready before finishing getting my ''i need these with me at all times'' stuff ready#because so much shit is in the way like i still need to take out trash and do more laundry#and get more things that have already been in boxes forever out of here. also the closet door is stuck so that's a problem#i don't even care about most of the shit in my closet like i know there's stuff from my childhood in there but i don't remember what#other than that it's junk. and decorations i bought for an eventual apartment but when the fuck is that even gonna happen#i know i'm sitting here doing nothing rn as i'm typing this but i'm like mentally stuck on what to do next without my mom's help#and she's not here rn. plus there's some dude that her shitty ex is letting stay downstairs rn ? for some reason ?#and i just don't feel comfortable leaving the room to get food or take out trash or change out the laundry. it's just weird#plus i'm sick and he has a weak immune system and like. i dunno i don't wanna be responsible for that#anyway sorry i'm rambling. i know it's understandable at a time like this but i just feel bad that this is all i'm talking about rn#i'm just so fucking depressed and stressed and tired and i've barely eaten anything for the past few days#i can't even have fun or talk to any friends like i normally do. my brain won't let me and it just doesn't feel right. i can't be happy rn#for even a second. it's just not the right time. there's nothing to be happy about. i have no hope at this point that things will work out
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t-u-i-t-c · 1 year ago
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Karizaki's Rebellion, The Price of Transformation
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neverendingford · 3 months ago
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#tag talk#vent#wow okay so turns out my psychiatrist didn't ghost me she just put in the med refills without telling me#so I was waiting for her to message me back like a fucking idiot because expecting professional communication is apparently too much#I genuinely think I might cry I'm so fucking... not even mad. just incredibly let down#the autistic realization that you do in fact have to do everything yourself because you can't trust anyone to give you the support you need#you have to put in the extra work constantly just to survive because the environment is so incredibly hostile without even meaning to be#I didn't know I needed to check my prescriptions again. I didn't realize she would just add a refill without telling me.#the thought never crossed my mind. so I accepted my fate and experienced three weeks of hell#and I'm such a fucking doormat that the strongest word I could use to describe it to her was “interesting”.#I laughed and brushed it off like it was nothing because I was too afraid to say “I went through hell and you're responsible”#and I know my best option is to just suck it up and go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared to#I'm so fucking scared of going back on. getting it in my system. and then somehow getting cut off again#scared of relying on anything but myself because I know it'll just let me down again#I genuinely felt the worst I've ever felt. not just physically. my brain was on fire.#my brain was burning and all I knew to do was endure the pain without saying anything.#because I didn't know that I should follow up. I didn't know how to navigate the system. and I suffered for it.#self advocacy is so necessary but it's so fucking difficult and scary#and I laugh and joke and pretend to be this confident easy-going careless persona when I'm really not#I'm fucking terrified of bothering people or upsetting them.#I had a whole grand speech in my head about how I would hold her accountable for this mistake#and then the moment came and all I could do was laugh it off out of fear.#and all I can do is cry about it and feel like a fucking failure#I know I should go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared I don't want to feel like that ever again#I lost who I was. I lost my sense of self. my body stopped working in any of the ways it's supposed to#I've only just now come out of emergency power mode and I'm terrified of it happening to me again#I've been sleeping a ton recently. I'll wake up really early in the morning and then work on going back to sleep#my body is a machine and I've learned the proper input codes to make myself go to sleep#but I'm back to depression napping for 12-16 hours. entering recovery mode and trying to fix the damage I've experienced#I keep having really bad nightmares though. I know I need the sleep so I put up with it but it sucks so fucking much
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