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aphrostarot · 3 years ago

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The Emperor Pick a Pile

If you feel like you need to set better boundaries, protect your energy, and fully embrace your boss energy then this pick a pile is for you.

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me or email me if you are interested!

Pile One:

What things are currently out of control in your life?

Death:

To me, it seems as if you are constantly trying to control everything in your life. Additionally, I believe that you may fear change on top of the control issues. Intuitively, you may know when big changes are coming, which provides you with a chance to delay them, but you do not seem to have been able to do that recently. Change keeps coming your way no matter what you do, which has been making you pretty stressed out. However, you are unaware that these changes are helping you to become a better version of yourself.

Passion Ignited:

A new beginning within your soul passions is the theme of this card. This suggests that your passions have undergone some major shifts. Maybe you've lost your job recently, or maybe you've just realized that what you once loved isn't what you want anymore. There may be people in your life who are putting pressure on you, trying to make you do things that you do not want to do, which has further contributed to your stress. It seems you have been struggling lately trying to figure out how to pursue what you really want while also making the people around you happy, regardless of the situation. You need to know that your own happiness is all that you need to focus on, not anyone else’s.

Heart Chakra:

Given your current situation, it makes sense that your heart chakra is currently out of balance. It's difficult to have parts of your life out of your control, especially when it comes to your chakras. During this time, you can begin to regain balance within this chakra by practicing more self-care.

What do you have control over in your life?

Seven of Cups:

Right now, you are unaware that regaining control over your passions is within your reach. All you need to do is realize this and take the necessary steps to regain control. The first step is to do what makes you happy and stop trying to make everyone else happy.

Trapped in Fear:

It seems that an unnecessary amount of worry plagues you. Since you are filled with so much worry you are unaware that these worries are actually preventing you from taking the steps necessary to regain control over the things you have lost along the way. Get out of your own head, stop letting your fears drive your life, and take control of your life again. Get back in the driver's seat.

What is outside of your power?

Two of Pentacles:

Your finances may have suffered as a result of your struggles with your passions. It may have been a long time since you were financially stable. At this point, this does not need your attention. Right now, your financial security is beyond your control. What you have control over is how to regain balance in what you want to pursue, not how much money you will make. Money worries are not necessary right now. You are focusing too much on the future when you should really be focusing on the present.

Patience:

During this time, you need to be patient with yourself and your journey. By exercising patience, you will not only regain control over parts of your journey that have gone off track, but you will also feel balanced within yourself, which may eventually allow you to let go of some of your worries.

Solar Plexus Chakra:

This chakra is associated with your psychic abilities and inner feelings. As I mentioned before, you may have a strong intuition, and this card seems to confirm it. Currently, it appears that this part of yourself is out of balance. You may want to try yoga or breathwork to help you restore your balance. Also, keep a close eye out for other people and energies surrounding you.

What should you be saying no to in your life?

Page of Cups:

It is possible that you are an extremely sensitive person. This can cause you to live with your head in the clouds, seeing the best in everything and everyone. As a result, you are often taken advantage of. Some people in your life may only keep you around for you to fulfill their needs. It is time that you begin to say no to the people who take advantage of you and your energy. Now is the time for you to focus on yourself and your journey.

Sacral Chakra:

It seems that most of your chakras are out of balance. The Sacral Chakra focuses on your emotions, desires, sexuality, and creativity. Because you are surrounded by some energy sharks in your life you have not been able to fully express yourself. Now is the time for you to do this. Try dancing, or meditation to help you find balance in this area. Also, it is important that you remember that you matter, regardless of what others tell you!

What is something you should keep in your life that needs maintenance?

Six of Cups:

For some, you may be in a soulmate relationship right now and debating on if this person is truly meant for you or not. This is a sign that they are meant for you, but that your relationship just needs a bit of work to maintain. For others, I am getting that an ex has recently come back into your life and you don’t know if you should take them back or not. This is a sign that you should be taking them back but that once you do, you will need to go about the relationship differently than how you did in the past.

Knight of Cups:

This person is very romantic and cares deeply for you and your feelings. You can count on them to be loyal and dedicated to you. They want what is best for you and are willing to provide you with a fairytale romance. Considering you have an out-of-balance heart chakra right now, it would make sense that you may be having questions about this relationship. The maintenance here is you regaining balance in your heart chakra so you are more willing to accept the love this person offers.

Hope:

For some, it feels to me that you had been lacking hope in your life for some time before this person came into your life. Having them here makes you feel things that you have not felt for so long, and that makes you worry that it won't last. You've rediscovered freedom through hope and this leaves you feeling nervous about the outcome because you are frightened that things won't work out, leaving you heartbroken.

Temptation:

There is a substantial amount of sexual desire between the two of you. If this is your ex then maybe this was one of the reasons why the two of you ended up breaking up in the past, as you didn't take the time to get to know each other and only focused on sex instead of developing an emotional relationship. If that is the case, your guides are telling you that you need to make sure you don't get lost in lust in this relationship, as you did the last time.

What is something that brings you joy that you should keep safe at all times?

Eight of Swords:

At some point in your life, you may have struggled to maintain happiness. Perhaps it wouldn’t stick around once it came, or maybe you didn't know what made you happy. Because of this, you need to protect your happiness at all costs. As well as keeping your mental health safe. Particularly from yourself.

Six of Swords:

Progress in your life is what makes you happy. When you start to see all your hard work paying off in your life, especially on things you have been struggling with, it gives you an extreme sense of pride in yourself. You are being told that at all costs you need to keep that feeling. Don’t let what other people have to say about you and your journey make you lose your happiness. Make sure you are doing things that make you happy, not things that make others happy.

Triumph:

The meaning of this card is essentially the same as that of the Six of Swords or The Chariot in Tarot. Your guides are telling you that you must make sure that your progress is protected at all costs. Don't let others dictate your life. The only person who can control what you do in life is you, so take back control. Let yourself be happy.

Channeled Messages:

Library:

You can see from the picture of this layout that this card depicts a woman who is essentially a puppet. Your life is in the hands of others, and they have the power to control your emotions, your actions, and who you are. This card warns you of that. Now is the time to take control of your own narrative. Don't let other people tell you how to live your life. Live your life for yourself and no one else.

5461:

I encourage you to look up this angel number as it can have many different meanings. Search Google for "angel number 5461 meaning" and see what your guides have to say.

Pile Two:

What things are currently out of control in your life?

Nine of Swords (reversed):

You have been plagued with nightmares recently. Traumas from your past that you were putting off have come back with greater intensity. They have become such a problem that you don’t know where to begin when it comes to healing. The good thing is that you are willing to find a way out, it's just that your mental state has become so out of control that you are feeling overwhelmed.

Three of Cups:

Your current state makes it difficult for you to celebrate all you have accomplished in life. You have been in such a funk and dark place and have not really experienced a second of joy as of lately. You may even feel that joy seems far away and unattainable right now.

Solar Plexus Chakra:

Solar Plexus Chakra is the center of self-esteem and confidence. Yours seems to be out of balance right now, which means that you may be experiencing some major self-doubt right now. You can get this back into balance by doing yoga or breathwork. Additionally, be aware of the people and energies that surround you. Energy sharks are the last thing you need in your life.

What do you have control over in your life?

The Emperor:

Considering I am doing the Emperor's reading, it is interesting to have it come through as something you are in complete control of at this time. It appears that you do not realize how much control you really have over your life. You already have all the power you need, you just need to realize it. Currently, your current inner turmoil has been affecting your view of yourself, but your guides are letting you know that there's nothing to fear at this moment, you have everything you need inside yourself to conquer your demons.

Balance:

You have complete control over invoking balance in your life. I know that right now it may not seem like it but you truly do have the power to take back your control over your mindset. Your anxieties no longer have to control your daily life. Making an appointment with a therapist can help you regain balance in your life. Remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. If therapy is out of the picture then try yoga, or doing something that helps alleviate some of your stress like drawing, or going to an art exhibit.

What is outside of your power?

Nine of Wands:

Currently, you are experiencing a great deal of inner conflict. Because of this inner turmoil, you feel as though there is no way out, which makes your stress levels even higher. You have been trying to get out of this situation with all your might, but you are trying too hard and not taking the proper actions. As your guides tell you, the way you are going about getting out of this is not the best way. By stressing so much, trying to escape, you are actually making your situation more difficult. I feel that some of you think that being in darkness is a sign of weakness, which is why you try so hard to get out. Right now your guides are telling you that your lesson is to allow yourself to feel something other than positive emotions.

Queen of Cups:

The Queen of Cups is extremely empathetic, someone who puts others ahead of herself and never fails to show compassion and understanding. When it comes to other people, you are quite good at this, but not when it comes to yourself. It is time for you to show yourself compassion. According to your guides, right now getting out of this situation is out of your control, which tells me you're meant to go through it. For some, I believe that you are going through your dark night of the soul right now. This is a necessary step in your transformation and self-discovery, one that should not be rushed. The best thing for you right now is to show yourself the same compassion and understanding you so easily exhibit toward others.

Sacral Chakra:

Your Sacral Chakra is the center of your creativity and sexuality. Right now, this seems out of balance for you. It has affected not only your motivation and creativity but also your sexuality. In recent months, you may have found it difficult to fully express yourself. Your guides are telling you that this is just a part of your current journey, and you should not worry about it right now. Since you've been stressed out about so many things recently, this has actually made your current situation worse. You should relax and give yourself the opportunity to take a break from constantly worrying about how you haven't been acting as you did in the past. You are undergoing a transformation as part of which you are changing. You should not worry about how you are acting differently than you used to.

What should you be saying no to in your life?

Six of Pentacles:

You are a very caring and understanding person. Even when you are trying to deal with your own issues, you are constantly there for people in your life. You have been putting a strain on your mental health by sharing too much, and now is the time to say no to the energy sharks who call themselves your friends. It is unhealthy for you to be around people who know you are going through something and expect you to be there for them constantly. It's time to begin saying no to them, let them figure it out on their own, and if they get upset at the idea of you taking care of yourself then they aren't meant to be in your life.

Three of Swords:

As you are going through a big transformation in your life, you feel very heartbroken and lost, and by constantly being there for the people in your life, you ignore yourself and your needs, which has been making your recovery much harder. It's time to put yourself first, stop thinking about others before yourself.

Throat Chakra:

Your Throat Chakra has been blocked for quite some time, and now is the time to begin speaking up for yourself. It is quite literally speaking up when you have something to say that will help you unblock this chakra. Quit silencing yourself to avoid rocking the boat.

What is something you should keep in your life that needs maintenance?

Two of Cups:

You are currently in a soulmate relationship, whether it is romantic or platonic. This relationship that you have been questioning recently is meant to stay in your life. Recently there have been problems with its harmony, which may have caused you to question it. These problems are not a reason to end it, there is just some upkeep and maintenance to be done.

Four of Wands:

Currently, this relationship may be lacking stability, so your guides are telling you to find stability as soon as possible. If you live with this person, you may want to try redecorating or rearranging your furniture to make it more comfortable for both of you. You could also try having a date night with this person at home in a comfortable environment that will help you two regain some stability.

Power:

You have the inner strength and willpower to get through your current situation, especially when it comes to this person. Due to all of your worrying, you may not realize this. Right now, you must remember just how strong you are to help you overcome your problems.

What is something that brings you joy that you should keep safe at all times?

The Hermit:

You may like to be alone, preferring your alone time over hanging out with a bunch of people. Even if you are in a relationship, you still prefer to have some alone time. This is something you should not change about yourself, according to your guides. Do not let other people change or judge this aspect of yourself. This is a part of your identity that should be protected and not changed.

The Chariot:

You prefer to move around and travel rather than staying in one place for a long period of time. For some, I’m getting that you want to move out of your home town but there are people in your life who are pressuring you to stay. You are being told by your guides to keep your free spirit intact, do not let other people's pressure and judgment change you.

Wisdom:

Your desire to learn is constant. You always want to broaden your perspective and knowledge, and your guides are telling you to keep this part of yourself safe. Never stop learning, it is what makes you so unique.

Emotional Loss:

It is possible for you to move on and heal from any emotional loss, whether you are aware of it or not. You may not think that is the case right now because you have been in darkness for so long, but your guides are telling you that you have the power to heal yourself and move forward and you need to keep this part of yourself protected.

Channeled Messages:

Red:

Right now, your guides are telling you to forgive. You should forgive those who have let you down in your life, forgive yourself for not allowing yourself to feel pain, and forgive yourself for being upset with your guides for making you have to go through this pain. For some, I believe you have been extremely angry with your guides during this time, believing they have abandoned you or that they do not have your best interests at heart. Your anger is 100% valid and you need to forgive yourself for hating them.

1211:

I encourage you to look up this angel number as it can have many different meanings. Search Google for "angel number 1211 meaning" and see what your guides have to say.

Pile Three:

What things are currently out of control in your life?

Two of Wands:

You may have just entered a partnership recently. In most cases, the Two of Wands describes a business partnership but based on the energy I am getting from this pile, I feel this could pertain to a romantic relationship for some. When this card comes out, it shows how well you and your partner work together and that you will go far together.

Page of Wands:

This person is an extremely friendly individual. They are very adventurous and fun-loving. Their charm and ability to communicate enable them to make friends easily. If this is a business relationship this is what has helped or will help the two of you get far.

Trapped in Fear:

This person's friendliness has been eating away at you for a long time. You are scared that this person’s friendliness will not make them committed to you. That they will leave you for something or someone better. Your fear has taken control over you and this relationship and it has gotten so bad that it is so far out of your control now.

Light:

You have let your fear control your life and your relationship, which has affected your happiness, especially in this relationship. Previously, you could fake happiness around this person, but now it has gotten so bad that you are unable to fake it.

What do you have control over in your life?

Two of Pentacles:

You may have struggled to maintain balance in your life in the past, but lately, that is not something that you struggle with anymore. Your life seems to be getting back to normal now that you have recently started regaining balance in areas where it had been missing for some time.

The Hierophant:

While it may not apply to everyone, I am seeing that you may have been unsure about marriage for some time now, which may be due to your lack of balance, but as of now, I am seeing that you may want to get married in the near future. A marriage, you feel, will give you a solid foundation in your life. For those who are already married, you may have felt that your marriage was one of the things lacking stability in your life, but now that you have regained a sense of balance in your life, it seems to be doing well.

Firm Foundation:

Following a period where you were lacking stability in your life, your guides are expressing to you that now you can create a foundation that is firm and lasting in your life. Whether it's marriage or finding stability and balance in your relationships, this is something to look forward to.

What is outside of your power?

The World:

You have a lot of anxieties when it comes to endings in your life, especially endings in your relationships whether romantic or platonic. Your guides are telling you that these endings are beyond your control. You cannot always keep people in your life, and that is okay. It is not possible to force people to stay or to put off endings. You need to let go of your fears in these situations.

Stand your Ground:

You have been allowing your fears and anxieties control your life for quite some time now and your guides are telling you that now is the time you stood your ground. You need to learn to control your anxieties.

What should you be saying no to in your life?

Seven of Cups:

You are being presented with a variety of options in your life, and most of these options are tempting you to veer off course. You are being told not to steer off course by your guides. Currently, you are on the right track and you do not need to change direction anytime soon. Say no to the people or things that tempt you to change.

Temptation:

We have established that you are being tempted by people and things in your life that seem much more fun than your current path. Stay on course; don't let these temptations lead you to change your direction. All the signs you get are urging you to stay on track.

What is something you should keep in your life that needs maintenance?

Seven of Wands (reversed):

It feels as though you have fought tooth and nail to get to the point where you currently are, and you are tempted to change your course of action because nothing is going your way. You feel pretty defeated right now in some areas of your life.

Justice:

In this situation, you should know that justice will be served to you. Your efforts will pay off, all you need to do is start believing that you are worthy of winning. That's what needs maintenance, your mindset.

Spiritual Union:

What we have been discussing might be a soulmate connection, be it romantic or platonic. When it comes to this relationship, it may seem as though things are not going your way, but your guides are telling you that this is not the case, you will soon be facing justice.

What is something that brings you joy that you should keep safe at all times?

The Empress:

The Empress represents growth and feminine energy. You embody The Empress' qualities. You have a strong sense of self-worth and exude a calming and nurturing energy. Your guides are telling you to hold onto this side of you at all costs. Don't let someone or something make you lose this part of yourself.

Ace of Wands:

Starting new passions is something that brings you great joy. You are constantly moving onto new passions because you love the excitement they bring. Your guides are telling you to never let this side of you go, keep it safe at all costs.

Emotional Loss:

In the past, you may have experienced a major heartbreak that caused you to want to change aspects of yourself in order to get this person back or to make more people like you. Taking this step is not a good idea. You are being told here that changing yourself for someone else is not the right way to go about your life journey and you should not let other people's pressure to change your personality damage yours.

Channeled Messages:

Sword:

You have been considering making a change recently, whether it is cutting your hair or starting a new hobby, and your guides are telling you to go for it here.

5849:

I encourage you to look up this angel number as it can have many different meanings. Search Google for "angel number 5849 meaning" and see what your guides have to say.

Pile Four:

What things are currently out of control in your life?

Three of Cups:

All things fun are associated with the Three of Cups. Previously, you may have been the party animal, the one everyone turned to for fun and to plan all of the get-togethers. Now, you have changed and it seems that people in your life still expect you to be that person, but you are no longer that person. It has become a conflicted situation since you feel that you have to fulfill that role in order for the peace to continue.

Harmony:

You are trying to be an old version of yourself in order to maintain harmony in your relationships at the moment, which is why it seems that harmony is lacking in them at the moment. You’ll be unhappy because you have to pretend to be someplace you’re not, so the harmony can't be maintained. It's hard to pretend to be happy when you're not.

What do you have control over in your life?

Eight of Pentacles:

At this time in your life, you have control over your mind. You know that you are not that old version of yourself, and you know that you do not want to be that person. Because you think the people in your life won't enjoy this new version of you, you pretend that you are still that person. Your guides are telling you with this card that you are in control of who you are and you know who you are. It shouldn't be necessary for you to pretend to be someone you aren't. People who do not like you for who you are aren't meant to be in your life.

Sacral Chakra:

In your Sacral Chakra, you find all of your feelings, desire, creativity, and sexuality. You may not realize you are in control of these things in your life because you're trying so hard to be someone you're not. By pretending to be an old version of yourself, your guides are telling you that you are causing this chakra to get out of balance. Stop trying to be someone you're not. It's unhealthy.

What is outside of your power?

Nine of Wands:

You will experience small setbacks in your journey with the nine of wands. Therefore, I am not surprised that you are experiencing some stress in your life due to setbacks. Every time you think you are getting closer to the finish line, something comes up that sets you back a few steps. Your guides are telling you that there really is nothing you can do to stop this from happening. Sometimes you will face setbacks, that’s just how life is.

Financial and Material Changes:

Money changes may be involved in these setbacks. It is possible that you are spending more than you are earning, causing you to struggle financially. Alternatively, you may be in a career such as running your own business where money doesn’t come as often as you’d like which pushes you back a few steps in your path. There's not much you can do about this at the moment, according to your guides.

What should you be saying no to in your life?

The Hanged Man:

In order to keep the peace, you have been making sacrifices in your life for quite some time now. One of the main sacrifices is you feeling the need to change yourself to make your friends happy. Your guides are telling you now is the time to stop feeling the need to change yourself for others.

The Star:

There is a small part of you that wishes you could one day feel happy while doing this. Your guides, however, say this is not the case. It is pointless to hope that one-day things will go well for you while you pretend to be someone you aren't.

Balance:

There is a lack of balance in your life right now because you are not fully expressing yourself. In order for you to regain balance in your life, your guides are telling you to stop thinking you have to be someone you are not in order for others to like you.

What is something you should keep in your life that needs maintenance?

The Devil:

For quite some time now, you've been lacking fun and happiness in your life. This is because you believe pretending to be someone other than yourself will allow you to have fun. Having fun within your true self is what your guides are telling you to do. Make a point of finding new things that make you happy and things that you enjoy doing. You can have fun while being yourself.

The World:

You need a completion in your life right now. A completion in you thinking that in order for you to be liked you need to be someone else. It is now time to start showing your true self instead of hiding it.

Deception and Envy:

You may be jealous of the people in your life who are more confident than you are and do not fear expressing themselves. Your guides are telling you that expressing your true self will help you overcome this jealousy.

What is something that brings you joy that you should keep safe at all times?

Six of Cups:

A soulmate relationship in your life is something you need to protect at all costs. Though I do believe that it is a platonic relationship, it could be either romantic or platonic. Your guides are telling you that this person brings you great joy and you shouldn't let them go.

Firm Foundation:

Possibly this person has been in your life for quite some time now, and you have a solid relationship with them. You two get along really well together and are extremely comfortable in each other's company. In front of this person, you might even be able to express yourself fully. According to your guides, you should keep this relationship safe at all costs. You shouldn't let your current situation affect your relationship with this person.

Channeled Messages:

Potion:

During this time, your guides encourage you to practice self-care and self-love. Since you've been hiding your true self for so long, you've forgotten to take care of yourself. At this time, make sure that you are putting yourself first.

Lioness:

You have come a long way in your life and have experienced so many things that have left you physically and emotionally scarred. Here, the message is not to hide. As a result of your life experiences, you have accumulated some scars, but you should not be ashamed of them. The time has come for you to fully embrace everything that makes you who you are.

1332:

I encourage you to look up this angel number as it can have many different meanings. Search Google for "angel number 1332 meaning" and see what your guides have to say.

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linkspooky · 5 years ago

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Ten Favorite Female Characters

I was tagged by @midnight-in-town, so now I have to show them how much I love my favorite women.

Name your favorite female characters from 10 different Fandoms and tag 10/or the amount you wish people

Tagging: @hamliet @amonmahboi @inumaqi @thyandrawrites @kaibutsushidousha @harostar.. yeah, I don’t know ten people.

Enoshima Junko

“Hope is harmony. A just heart, moving toward the light. That is all. Despair is hope's polar opposite. It is messy and confusing. It swallows up love, hatred, and everything else.”

Junko wishes she was a psychopath. She’s spent her entire life pretending to be a crazy psychopath, because living that life is just so much more interesting than the one she’s stuck in. Enoshima Junko is just too smart for the world, and everything is too easy for her, and rather than try to dumb herself down a little bit she’s decided to knock everything else down. She’s a girl kicking down sandcastles because building them out of sand all alone is no longer doing it for her.

Junko’s interesting because of the weird logic and loops she runs her brain into. There’s a complex character behind the whole “I exist only to spread despair” thing. She’s perfectly capable of forming emotional attachments to people, and genuinely caring. But the people she likes are generally far worse off than the ones she doesn’t care about.

Junko wants so badly to, just not be human. She does the most inhuman things possible to prove that she’s not human. What really made me love her is the lengths she’s willing to go, to the point in Dangan Ronpa Zero where she basically took a screw to her own brain and started acting like a normal girl only when all of her memories were removed.

Junkos relationship with Matsuda shows two conflicting sides of her character. How much she's humanized by her love of him, and also how much she wants to completely destroy that part of herself. It's like she physically can't be a normal girl. Or rather she doesn’t want to be to such extremes she’ll break everything and then herself.

And if she can’t be normal than Junko decided that self destruction is her next best bet. There’s just nothing that will satisfy Junko, and it’s interesting to watch someone that empty decide the world is going to end, or she’s going to end herself and she doesn’t really care which.

Ajimu Najimi

“Call to me with affection, Anshin’in-san. Well, I don’t really care what manga characters call me.”

Hey, I put Junko on this list twice. Both Ajimu and Junko live in a world that is too easy for them, and therefore they have no reason to get emotionally invested in others or try to attach themselves to anything. Which is why it’s fun to see Ajimu attempt the same thing as Junko to kill herself in style and eventually get saved from herself.

Medaka Box is such a meaningful manga to me because they take the weirdest characters and no matter how deranged they are they find the parts of them that are relatable and go, well guess what you’re human too. Ajimu literally calls herself a non-human and she’s just as human as all the rest in the end.

The best part is it’s not her good points that make her human, it’s all her flaws. It’s easy to feel like the world isn’t real, that nothing in the world is worth living for, to feel no emotional attachment. Those are all human emotions. Not because they’re good and shining, but because they’re petty and terrible. Ajimu is this brilliant character, but she’s also kind of just a petty little girl using a ‘fiction is reality’ lens to cope. She’s not that special actually, she’s just suicidal, and kind of awful in general. It’s nice to see that human side behind the mastermind character.

Azula

“My own mother thought I was a monster. She was right of course but it still hurts.”

Azula is someone thoroughly dehumanized by everyone even the “good” members of her family (Uncle Iroh, Zuko, her Mother). I like how Azula in some part seems to be aware that both her brother, and mother seem to kind of consider her the “bad sibling” and she just decides to embrace it. Like it’s... not emotionally healthy in any way and it’s terribly tragic but there’s something about characters who actively make the decision to be a monster that gets me.

There’s something about Azula’s writing that makes me uncomfortable, and it makes me sad that Zuko like... continually associates her with his father’s abuse, and demonizes her like she wasn’t also a kid going through the exact same situation, but Azula getting increasingly unstable is at least an appropriate response to that.

Even if her brother, her mother, or her father won’t see her as her own person and they all see her as an extension of her father’s abuse on her, Azula is just so determined to be her own person even if it means burning the world, or herself A common theme I guess, but a lot of these characters have narratives about not being allowed to be their own person or shown any kind of humanity or normalcy.

Morrigan

“Well, well, well what do we have here?”

Morrigan is mean, and nasty, and grumpy and bitchy and witchy. She’s allowed to be unlikable, because Morrigan never bends to anyone. Her survival, and freedom will become first before anything else.

It feels like Morrigan is the main character in her own story, and you just happen to be a part of it for a short while. You may even be an important character to her, she may be attached, but ultimately you’ll never be more than support to her.

Morrigan is such an ambitious an singular entity that her character development is letting you be a part of her life and not the other way around. She'll always survive on her own. Morrigan is irrevocably shaped by her environemnt, and yet she craves freedom in that too because she doesn’t want to be bound by her past or shaped by her mother. So much of herself is dedicated to being better than the environment that she was raised in that she defeats her mother not by killing her, or freeing herself, but rather by being a better mother than her.

Raven / Rachel Roth

“Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos...”

Raven is fun, because a bunch of monks thought the best way to teach her to handle her emotions was to never allow her to feel any emotion ever. So, Raven is eternally running on a zero. She’s terrified even a small amount of happiness will end the world. She’s not allowed to be her own person, neither her bastard father, nor the monks treat her like one.

Raven is so gentle, and selfless, and emotionally perceptive and sensitive to others needs but she can’t ever display almost any of these good traits because she’s internalized the idea that she’s such a bad person. She always believes all the time that she exists to hurt others and that makes it so difficult for her to connect to others.

Which is why her true friends bond with the Teen Titans is so meaningful, because Rachel found a family in spite of all of that. She has friends who think she’s a good person unconditionally despite the fact that Raven continually tells herself she isn’t. There are people in the world willing to navigate the maze of walls that Raven has built around herself, and that her environment forced her to build and closed up, and she’s so happy to have them.

Midna

“Some call our realm a world of shadows, but that makes it sound so unpleasant... The twilight there holds a serene beauty... You have seen it yourself as the sun sets on this world. Bathed in that light, all the people were pure and gentle...”

Midna just steals the show. Her story now. The game’s not called Legend of Zelda anymore now it’s Legend of Midna. Not only is she the most important character in the game she appears in, but she’s also in character someone so selfish she’ll always prioritize herself over everyone else. However, only because she feels that she can’t exist as anything other than the princess of the twilight and has to prioritize her survival for the sake of her people. Midna even says so at the start of the game, she can’t be kind because she wasn’t spoiled like princess Zelda in the bountiful kingdom of the light.

Midna is so selfish and yet doesn’t really have her own wants and needs as a person outside of the role she has to play for her people, which is why she’s so terribly lost without it and just because this terrible selfish little gremlin. Link and Zelda affect Midna so much because they humanize her. They both sacrifice themselves to save Midna the person and she doesn’t get why. She doesn’t get why two people would help someone who has been so unkind to them and who has failed them this much so far.

That act of selflessness moves her, and also freaks her out. She even says she didn’t want to be saved by either of them. Which is what makes her redemption in the second half of the game so interesting, because Midna really improves herself so she can become someone worth their kindness. She doesn’t want the selflessness of people like Zelda and Link to go to waste, and because of that begins to care about things outside of her kingdom and her role as princess

Vriska Serket

“After all of this is over. Do you want to go on a d8?”

Unfortunately one of my top 3 favorite characters of all time comes from a really terrible source material. Vriska is everything I like in a character. She's a mess. She's really hard to swallow. She's a character that's not meant to be liked.

Nobody really likes Vriska and it's all her fault for being such a horrible person, nobody wants her damage. Which is so interesting because usually main characters get forgiven over and over again. Everyone leaves and if they don't Vriska will burn those bridges herself. No character better embodies what it's like to be stuck in a self harming cycle

Authors are always so obsessed with making characters look good or showing what a good person they are few characters are allowed to be just plain unlikely in ugly ways. It’s what lets Vriskas genuine desire to be better actually seem like a struggle.

Kocho Shinobu

“Are you angry? Yes, I’m angry Tanjiro. I’ve always been angry.”

Shinobu is just all pleasantries on the surface, but so full of negative emotions in ways women aren't allowed to be. I love the medicine / poison dynamic to her character and how it rots her to the core. Too much medicine is a poison, while poison can be a medicine when applied to the right situation.

Shinobu is, two faced. She’s beautiful and kind, and full of ugly emotions and empty. She nurses people back from the dead, she sees no point in living herself and purposefully throws herself into a suicide in her plan against Doma. There’s just such a destructive dance between extremes for her because Shinobu is such a unique individual, trying to deal with all of these emotions she just can’t deal with. She can’t be noble, or better than her trauma, she just pretends to be a good person while she slowly rots away inside.

Shinobu can put on smiles all day -

But she can't be like her sister. She can't love people like her sister can. Maybe she could once but all that's left now is anger. Bitter, unpleasant, and completely in denial of it and still masquerading as a good person. The most beautiful kind of poison of all.

She’s not her sister, but she’s also not really her own person. She doesn’t know who Shinobu is, doesn’t know who Kocho Shinobu lives for. She just doesn’t imagine herself living past her revenge, and even though she’s surrounded by love she’s just so cracked it all pours out of her and absolutely nothing could be worth prolonging her life after everything she’s lost.

Toga Himiko

“What exactly is a normal life? I also live a normal life, you know.”

Himiko Toga is a girl who lives entirely on her own terms. Which is just so rare for a female character, you know? It’s so genuinely subversive to know that Himiko was once a nice girl, who always smiled, always put other people’s feelings first, and that sort of ‘good girl’ behavior drove her completely insane.

Toga deciding to be true to herself is an act of rebellion against the world.

For Himiko everything is flipped. What others regard as psycho behavior is her normal. She doesn’t let other people define her story as a tragedy, and even murders the one person who tries to control her story. In a story where female characters constantly downplay their own importance to support the male characters Himiko is the only character important enough to be the center of her own story. Himiko’s story is so subversive as well, both of how society treats her, and how the story treats characters like her.

Himiko is such an excellent yandere, all yanderes wish they were himiko. She comes off as this batshit stabby girl, but then you find out that shes actually emotionally perceptive. She first comes off selfish, bratty, and self-centered but she turns into one of the most sensitive characters in the manga. She eschews the ideals of being a good girl that was forced down her throat, but that doesn’t mean she’s not empathic, or that she’s not capable of goodness. She’s good to twice. She’s good to the people who accept her.

Himiko no matter what will always be a deviant. Always be an outsider. Instead of trying to make room for her her parents forced her to lie and wear a mask until her identity became completely shattered. I like Toga because under the knife wielding psycho she's a normal girl. Then under that normal girl there’s also a knife wielding psycho ready to fight back, and both of them are the real her.

Ihei Hairu

“I saw the reaper, he was very beautiful.”

Every character from the garden is just fundamentally broken. Hairu and Rize are interesting foils, because if you think of about it a loveless childhood turned them both into ruthless killers. It’s just they decided to live for different things, Rize lived rejecting love and Hairu lived chasing after love. However, fundamentally they are the same. They are children starved for any kind of love or nurturing. Hairu is so desperate she devotes her entire life to the first person who acknowledged her. However, the same sort of desperation to live, that tragic need to make the most out of the few short years they have exists in all garden children.

Hairu wants so badly to be a person, but she’s not a person. She’s half ghoul.

There's just something about a girl who was never meant to be born and never meant to live, still trying. There's a dark side to her character, she's violent and inhuman exactly like the environment she was raised in but she was also still a child at heart seeking love.

Which is why though her narrative is a thoroughly unhappy one, it does make me happy that there was someone who loved her in the form of Koori Ui. There is someone who wanted her to live longer. Her life was short, but she did live, and it’s that struggle to connect to others that made her truly alive.

#hairu ihei #ajimu najimi #enoshima junko #toga himiko #kocho shinobu #midna #rachel roth #raven #azula #vriska serket #morrigan #morrigan dragon age #meme #spooky speaks

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inspired-by-the-music · 4 years ago

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y’all know I can’t control myself when shinee loving anon encourages me to do literary analysis! here are nearly 2,000 words of me analyzing my own writing like a weirdo :p because this is not the first time I have done literary alaysis of my own work, and it certainly won’t be the last (I’m already working on a thesis statement that could connect themes from the SHINee universe to at least 2/3 main plots of For You), I’ve decided to make a little banner for these essays lol.

First, some disclaimers: For You is an ongoing work. It might be an ongoing work for the rest of forever because Lei provides a perfect character through which I can explore S.M. In case you haven’t gathered from scrolling through my blog for a few seconds — I am a huge S.M. fan. With that being said, the main plot of 4 O’Clock is completed. This informal essay will discuss similarities between 4 O’Clock and works in the SHINee Universe.

I think I should begin by expressing my deep attachment to Taemin that is reflected in my writing. He is the first SHINee member that I wrote about; that drabble resulted in my friendship with SHINee Loving Anon and inspired my confidence to write about all five SHINee members. “Beautiful Parts” should be read as what it is: my reunion with my favorite group. Writing that story was therapeutic; it ranks with “Between Souls - Jonghyun,” “Lights - Taeyeon,” and “Orenda - Onew.” All of these works were written with my emotional needs in mind. They are deeply personal, and that’s why I love them. I created them with the intent of bringing myself comfort, and I shared them with the hope of extending that comfort to others.

“Beautiful Parts” also represents the shift toward Taemin becoming one of my ultimate idols and creative inspirations. When I could not yet write about Jonghyun, I could write about Taemin; when I could not yet listen to Jonghyun or SHINee without hurting, I could listen to Taemin. The image that I created of Taemin comforting someone — an unnamed reader — in “Beautiful Parts” remains with me. I can’t unsee it. It is obviously not a moment that I have lived through, but it feels real to me.

That image is integral to the relationship between Taemin and Lei. Comfort — the fact that Taemin sat beside her when she cried — is a key component of Lei’s love for him.

One could and should find similarities between the unnamed character of “Beautiful Parts” and Lei. Granted, “Beautiful Parts” is a part of the SHINee Universe. The character is Minho’s sister; although much of her character is intentionally vague, she is a separate character from Lei. She could and should, however, be read as a precursor to Lei. Both characters seek the company of the moon when they are troubled and cannot sleep. They share a desire — a compulsion, even — to reach for the moon and stars that they know they can never reach.

“What’s so comforting about the moon and the single star in the sky? How can they be so far, lightyears away, yet feel so close? Why did they convince you to lean against the railing, reaching for them like a child with no understanding of the distance? You couldn’t say, even though you wondered almost every night.” “Beautiful Parts”

“The stars were on full display, and the moon was a sterling crescent so bright that I thought, were my wrists not bound, I could have reached out and grabbed it out of the sky and put it in my pocket.

That was a silly thought I dreamt about often: holding the moon, carrying it around with me in the daylight as if I could protect it better than the sky. I don't know who planted that dream in my mind or why, but I was always grateful for it" (4 O'Clock, Chapter 2).

If you read 4 O'Clock, you cannot mistake the significance of the moon; Lei will not let you. In third-person or second-person narratives— like "Beautiful Parts"— I think that it would cheapen the story to overtly impress upon the reader the significance of a symbol. Put simply: if the second- or third-person narrator has to explain, "this is significant because," then the writer has failed in their application or execution of a symbol. However, as Lei is a first-person narrator relating her story to her mother, she is permitted to express plainly, "this is important— this is important, and this is why." She does exactly that by referring to the moon, in later chapters, as "our moon," meaning that she has claimed this symbol as hers and Taemin's.

This claim of ownership becomes especially significant as Lei struggles to confine her love for Taemin to times when it is safe to express— at night in their hotel room or, in post-tour chapters, in her room. This distinction is also expressed in "Beautiful parts" compared to its counterpart "Morning Confessions." I used "Morning Confession" as a guide in writing the morning scenes of 4 O'Clock Chapter 9, Chapter 12, Chapter 14, and part 6 of the Epilogue. In all of these scenes referenced, there is a clear shift between the night— when a character receives comfort— and the morning— when that comfort is reciprocated, usually through some form of affection.

The exception is the scene from Chapter 9. This part of the story occurs before the New Year's kiss that dispels much of Lei's discomfort about being in a relationship. Within this scene, Lei is torn between the desire to share her first kiss with Taemin and the desire to escape his embrace and start her day. Notice, then, that Lei is imposing this binary of day and night. (Granted, Lei believes that this binary is imposed upon her by external forces. I am inclined to agree that she is limited in self-expression by the pressures of standing in the public eye. Using my author knowledge of her life, I would also argue that her fears and reservations are rooted in real-life experiences; those are always the hardest fears to shake.)

Another interesting observation is that this scene from Chapter 9 is sandwiched between Lei's comforting Taemin post-Jaemin-induced-tantrum and the tense bathroom scene where Lei object to the terms "mine" and "yours" when referring to another person.

"That's something I've always struggled to accept: the idea of calling somebody— a whole individual— mine. I know some people are infatuated with the idea of ownership, but that kind of dynamic has always made my skin crawl."

"It's just, those words— mine and yours—" I cringed, and Taemin dropped my hands. "I don't know. I think it's fine to call you my soulmate or my boyfriend, if that's what you are, but the thought of calling you— all of you— mine just seems wrong'" (4 O'Clock, Chapter 9).

Note: Lei does not yet accept that Taemin is her soulmate. These quotes are indicative of Lei's character as they express her deepest fears. Consider that 4 O'Clock— while it is about Lei's love for Taemin, and it is about Donghae's unrequited (totally requited) love for Manager Kim— is ultimately about Lei's liberation from fear. Certainly, Taemin places a role in that liberation; Lei states far too many times to reference that he was an inspiration to her before she knew him as anything more than an idol. However, one would be remiss in failing to recognize the relationship through which Lei discovers herself: her relationship with her mother.

(If you need proof of this claim, and I seriously doubt you do, here is a quote from Chapter 10:

"I had been considering what it meant to be the fulfillment of her dreams, and it meant that I couldn’t be afraid. It meant I didn’t have to be. There was liberation in the fact that I could be confident in the truth that no matter what anybody in that hotel room, in the country, in the whole world even (!) said or thought or did, I now knew who I was. I knew who Mom was. I knew that no matter what— come what may— we would love each other forever.

All along, I had the forever love I couldn’t admit to wanting. . .")

The whole "'mine' and 'yours' makes me cringe" scene occurs right before Lei admits to her mother that she knows who she is: the idol who never debuted. Throughout most of the story, Lei refers to her mother as "Mom," capital-M, as if "Mom" is her birth name. There are scattered incidents where Lei writes "my mom," but she usually does so to distinguish her relationship with Mom and the one Lucas claims by using the name.

"Were I not used to that— Lucas referring to my mother as if she were also his, calling her hot— I might have cringed" (4 O'Clock, Chapter 1).

This use of the phrase "my mother" should be viewed in contrast to Lei's use of the phrase "my mom" in chapter 9.

"No. No, I knew my mom. I knew her long before I saw her as the idol who never debuted. She had eyes that found possibilities where others saw none. There was no way that she hadn't considered how the last 21 years of her life had been affected by my existence" (4 O’Clock, Chapter 9).

By using the word "my," Lei does not take ownership of the relationship— or of her mother as a whole individual— in a way that should make anybody's skin crawl. Rather, she uses that word to distinguish her Mom from the idol who never debuted. "My" is a protective word— a word through which Lei can shield her mother from judgment. Distinction of identities matters deeply to Lei because she feels that she is inadequate in her roles as an idol and as a human being.

She writes when reflecting on Kai's request to be called Jongin that she has always been hyper-sensitive to the difference between calling an artist by their stage name and their birth name. Considering whether she should have used a stage name herself, Lei wonders:

"Would that have made it easier to distinguish me (the person) from me (the idol)?" (4 O’Clock, Chapter 2).

It is crucial to understand these distinctions of identities and their significance to Lei if you are to feel the weight of a post-New Year's- Kiss moment:

"That time, when Taemin whispered, “My Lei,” against my skin, I didn’t cringe at the thought that I— all of me, every thought locked away in my mind, every fear hidden in the darkest corners of my heart— belonged to him.

Maybe that’s not the best way to phrase it. Maybe I mean to say that I didn’t cringe at the thought that all of me, even the parts that I considered fruitless or dangerous or flawed, belonged with Taemin. I don’t know" (4 O’Clock, Chapter 14)."

There's our Lei, still caught up in things like proper wording! Also significant is Lei's limited use of the phrase "my Taemin." She thinks it for the first time shortly before the scene quoted above; she doesn't say it aloud until the next day. We could take this, I suppose, as another example of the binary of day and night that culminates in Lei's decision to "live in the light," expressed in the closing chapters.

#literary analysis #shinee universe #for you: 4 o'clock

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jnasheb-blog · 7 years ago

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A Deep Analysis of Scorpion’s A-side

When I first listened to Scorpion, the new album by the rapper Drake, my reaction to it was similar to that of many individuals; it felt uninspired. Like many people, I also had a similar experience with Views - Drake’s previous album, right before Scorpion - which felt bland and interminable. What makes things different for me is that, after a while, Views began to grow on me. It actually became better. In a 2016 interview with Zane Lowe, Drake mentions how, for him, the best pieces of music are the ones you don’t really get at first; they require you, the audience, to improve your skills as listeners in order to truly appreciate what’s been presented to you. He’s worked hard to craft the album and now wants effort on your part in understanding it. It’s like we’re co-labouring in the process of defining an artwork. I think it’s beautiful. And I love Drake’s work all the more for it.

To put it simply, Views is a story of the world’s biggest rapper who grapples with his very complex situation; he is simultaneously Hip Hop’s most loved and hated child. The story is told through seasons, winter and summer, and becomes increasingly intriguing the more you peel back its layers and discard the many opinions that tend to influence our own perspectives. From being an album I honestly had a hard time embracing, it became the album I listen to basically every day, for almost two and a half years now.

More Life, the follow-up to Views, not dubbed an album but, rather, a playlist, was similar in how it was received by the public and critics alike. The most common response to the project was, “it was okay.” Not good, not bad, just okay. This is an opinion held for most of Drake’s work and I’m willing to admit that I’ve held it before as well. Regardless, I really enjoyed More Life upon my first listen and the many ones that followed after it. More Life was an answer to Views which begged the question, “How do I, Drake, circumvent this space that I’ve clearly influenced the most, above all my predecessors and peers, even though this same space resents me?” To simplify the answer Drake gave in More Life, he basically said this: He’s come to terms with the fact that rap is a vicious bloodsport that stems from a culture (Hip Hop) that is plagued by hate and jealousy; all the love he needs, he gets from friends and family but that’s pretty much it - not to say that there are aren’t many fans, such as myself, who genuinely appreciate Drake but, rather, it’s hard to gauge whose love is real - especially when so many people supposedly hate the man but are also largely responsible for placing him in his position as the biggest rapper of all time. He’s accepted all that. He also says, in the outro track of More Life:

“My life is centered 'round competition and currency Taking summer off 'cause they tell me I need recovery Maybe gettin' back to my regular life will humble me I'll be back in 2018 to give you the summary More Life”

Well, it’s 2018 and he’s delivered on his promise of a summary in the form of Scorpion.

By now, I hope you see the picture I’m trying to paint here; Drake’s albums are a lot more complex than the whinings of an overly sensitive rap millionaire who a lot of people like to think of as more of a pop star (in the derogatory sense). There’s real depth behind the rapper’s work. There’s real meaning and real lessons to be learned. Important lessons.

Scorpion resumes the narrative we were introduced to in Views (some might argue that it’s been playing out for the entirety of his career but I believe Views was the beginning of a new phase for Drake) and beautifully answers the questions that Drake himself poised in his previous two bodies of work: In this world of jealousy and strife, where do I fit in? Scorpions simple answer is that he doesn’t; Drake fits nowhere in this image that people have of an “ideal” Hip Hop. He’s the antithesis of this image. He’s vulnerable, honest and willing to show love when love isn’t warranted. He isn’t Biggie. He isn’t Pac. He’s Drake. For better or worse.

In the recent beef we saw between him and Pusha T, Pusha’s response to Drake’s Duppy Freestyle wasn’t just an attempt to end his rival’s career, it was an attempt to dismantle his life and permanently taint his reputation. Granted, a lot of rap beefs can often lead to the aforementioned result but I had a particular issue with Pusha’s diss: it was implemented, in my opinion, rather dishonestly. It paints the picture that Drake is an insecure and dishonest man that is hiding a child - who he’s also supposedly neglecting - from the world. There are a couple of issues I could point out about this approach. Firstly, basically everything that was said in the Story of Adidon (Pusha T’s diss track towards Drake) had already been discussed in Drake’s own music. Whether it’s his dad leaving him as a child, whether it’s his dad’s wardrobe choices, whether it’s his mother’s love life, whether it’s his struggles with his own blackness or whether it’s the multitude of women who have claimed to be the mother of his child - all of this has been addressed in Drake’s music. The narrative Pusha T gives suggests that Drake hasn’t come to terms with all of this and, instead, runs away from it. Drake, in “The Resistance”, a song from his first album, “Thank Me Later”, once revealed that a woman he’d had unprotected sex with had an abortion of a child that he believes to have been his. The opposite of Pusha T’s claims are true; Drake isn’t running from anything.

Another issue I have with Pusha’s diss, and the last I’ll discuss here, is with the entitlement he and the general public seem to have over the information of Drake’s private life. It’s been confirmed that Drake does indeed have a son but, in reality, did any of us actually have a right to know this? If Drake decides to keep us completely ignorant of this information, has he suddenly become a bad person? Being the biggest musician alive right now, he has obvious reasons for wanting to shield his child from the public eye - the same public eye that has an obsessive and dangerous fixation on the celebrities it worships.

And this brings us to Scorpion - what I believe to be Drake’s best work to date. The A-side of the album discusses hate and jealousy and the need to discard both emotions for the sake of peace and healing. In the intro song of the album, Survival, he implies that he seriously thought about causing real harm to Pusha T, going on to say that it’s unsettling for him to discuss those dark thoughts. He also says, in the same song, “Realise someone gotta die when no one'll dead it.” You’ll understand why this is true if you think back to the beef between 2pac and Biggie; an ongoing rap feud moved beyond rap and ended in the loss of lives.

It simply isn’t worth it.

All of this raises my appreciation of the song, “God’s Plan”, one of the album’s lead singles. Drake believes that all of the negativity and conflict he experiences within the rap sphere is the result of a larger plan in motion; a divine plan. In my eyes, this plan could lead to more candid discussions on beef, jealousy and the need for Hip Hop to evolve from its malevolent state - it’s the only logical way that this could go if the likes of Drake remain at Hip Hop’s helm.

What makes God’s Plan even more interesting is that Drake places “I’m Upset”, one of Scorpion’s other lead singles, directly after it on the album’s tracklist. I’m Upset discusses his frustration with certain things going on around him, whether it’s him being sued by former love interests, dealing with constant betrayal (in one of Scorpion’s songs, “Sandra’s Rose”, Drake raps, “Backstabbed so many times I started walkin' backwards”) or dealing with rap beef. It’s as if he’s saying, despite believing there is a divine purpose to all that’s happening, he still feels pain and resentment toward all of it. Understandably so.

In the song “Emotionless”, also on Scorpion, Drake discusses how he’s fed up with all of this. He says this about fake supporters: “Don't link me. Don't hit me when you hear this and tell me your favorite song. Don't tell me how you knew it would be like this all along. I know the truth is you won't love me until I'm gone.” He also talks about how he’s lost love for the majority of his idols, describing meeting them as “seeing how magic works”. With the more time he spends on top of rap’s throne, he notices even more of its tragic flaws. His line in Emotionless, “iconic duos rip and split at the seams” could be seen as a reference to Kanye West and Jay-Z, two formerly very close friends who, due to the nature of Hip Hop lost a lot of that friendship. Then there’s Birdman and Lil Wayne. Even Pusha T and his brother, No Malice, split from their former duo, Clipse. Hip Hop, although it contains many beautiful elements and, thus, we still support it, is messy and suffers from a large lack of honesty and compassion. Drake says that this has changed him as a person. The question he asks at the end of the song is, “Is there anybody like me?” He doesn’t want tension. He doesn’t want beef. He wants the opposite of this. He’s become an unwilling participant of a very bloody sport but I think Scorpion is the continuation of a process of him detaching himself from this narrative.

The last song, “Is There More?”, of the album’s A-side is my favourite and, what I find to be, the most interesting. Some of Drake’s words: “Still I rise, Maya Angelou vibes, when life comin' at you from all angles and sides and they don't wanna see that you smilin' from inside.”

He’s risen above all the negativity that surrounds him and retains his inner peace. However, I also love the theme that runs throughout the song: Is there more to life than the trappings of fame? The question is asked in different forms throughout the song and I love this because it continues a pattern that existed in his previous two projects: asking a question that will then be answered in his next body of work.

Views was Drake dealing with the hate and jealousy of both his peers and the general public. More Life was him coming to terms with that and withdrawing to his regular life in order to find peace. Scorpion finds him in the midst of this life, asking himself if there’s more than what currently presents itself to him. In his final words of the A-side of the album:

“Am I missin' somethin' that's more important to find? Like healin' my soul, like family time? Is there more to life than just when I'm feelin' alive? Is there more?”

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runthepockets · 2 years ago

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Shonen anime is....violent. It's grubby and simplistic and loud. It's supposed to be. Its target demographic is boys and young men ages 9 to 18. Naruto isn't too different, over the top fight scenes and fart jokes and themes of samurai honor codes and loyalty and ambition-- "masculine attributes"-- are scattered throughout the narrative to help guide and shape young boys into respectable and consistent adult men. But unlike a lot of Western action films, thrillers, and cowboy flicks that do the same thing, Naruto never shys away from being incredibly heartfelt and vulnerable.

In the west, images of resolute, self motivated, self confident masculinity are reserved for the protagonists of revenge thrillers or 80s war movies like Rambo or Commando; "Vulnerable masculinity", which prides itself on letting men be more expressive and, well, sensitive, has been a fairly recent and significantly more progressive development, but is still mostly reserved for bookish, soft spoken guys. I never felt quite like one or the other, which is why Naruto was a perfect fit.

I was first introduced to the franchise at age 9 when I found a copy of Innocent Heart, Demonic Blood at my local Half Priced Books after a doctor's appointment. An emotionally rousing title coupled stylized cover art of some aggro looking kid with spikey hair, piercing blue eyes, and a cool orange jumpsuit really captivated me; I begged my mom to get it for me as a reward for being good during my appointment and immediately fell in love. I didn't have the language to convey it at the time due to being closeted, but it really felt like the boys in the story understood what I was going through.

Naruto, the character, is actually really fucking awesome. Yes, he is boisterous and loud and smart mouthed and impulsive and stubborn, almost to the point of exhaustion, same as any other boy you probably grew up around, but he also spends a lot of time crying, empathizing, having a "the glass is half full" outlook on life, enjoying fighting not as a spectator sport but as a science that can be used to relate to others and share political beliefs and ideas, and noticing little details that other people don't pick up on right away, which weren't traits I was used to seeing in male characters, especially ones as intimate with otherness and neglect and abuse as Naruto was.

A lot of his narrative arc is very explicitly about friendships and affection; learning to trust, ask for help, understanding that words and actions have the power to hurt others just as much as they heal, and to try your best to do the latter more than the former, and offer love to anyone else in pain to save them from the same dark path as people like Sasuke or Obito, who navigated masculinity by closing off their hearts, taking the world on their shoulders, walking the world alone and violently rejecting anyone else's help, sneering at anyone physically or intellectually "weaker", inherently suspicious of anyone's compassion or hostile toward outsider concern. Many of the shows' opening credits have Naruto standing with huge crowds of people he grew up around, admired, fought with and stood alongside in battle. Many episodes have him crying, often out of concern for others and for a general love for humanity, but also while trying to come to terms with the fact that sometimes you fail in life and that the trauma of being alone for most of your formative years doesn't just go away, to embrace and grow through the pain. A lot of his powers come from embracing his emotions and putting them to productive use.

Naruto isn't the only male character that gets this treatment, either. Most of the Shikamaru centric episodes have his dad teaching him to embrace failure, to learn to be humble and continue moving forward as an adult rather than fighting down the bad feelings and running away from responsibilities, and offering Shikamaru comforting words when he starts to cry. Itachi, introduced as the violent and cold blooded older brother who slaughtered his own family in a single night, cries in the rain at the thought of his little brother dying, and is offered comfort and reassurance at the thought of being truly alone in the world from his partner, Kisame rather than mocked or berated. The night Itachi kills his family, his parents commend him for still being the intelligent, gentle, kindhearted child they raised, even in the face of committing atrocity. Itachi's tears are portrayed as vindicating and sympathetic then, too. Zabuza, a violent mercenary with big muscles and an even bigger sword, cries for the first time in his life when his partner Haku is caught in the crossfires of war and killed, people watch him in awe rather than in discomfort. Even villains are given light and sympathy in their worlds of darkness and apathy.

Kishimoto, for all his flaws and poor writing choices, knows that tears are healthy and sacred. That intimate human relationships, platonic romantic and otherwise, are foundational to the human species. That young boys, even if they don't fully realize or understand it, will butt heads with people with very different ideas of what it means to be strong, to be a man, to be human, and that they need to take on these challenges with a level head and an open heart. As a pretty emotional kid, this all really spoke to me and felt really real and empowering. I'm glad I was someone who got to experience it.

No one has written a proper tangent about positive masculinity in Naruto so I guess I'm going to be the one to do it.

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sinceileftyoublog · 5 years ago

Text

Moses Sumney Album Review: grae

(Jagjaguwar)

BY JORDAN MAINZER

“Am I vital / If my heart is idle? / Am I doomed?” Moses Sumney famously sang on his stunning 2017 debut Aromanticism, an album that saw him developing his acceptance of being alone. grae, his two-part 2nd full-length, and his first since officially moving from L.A. to the Appalachian Mountains of Asheville, North Carolina, doubles down on themes of heartbreak, but instead of being sure in his seclusion, he embraces the unknown. The album teeters between interludes of platitudes about isolation and ruminations on failed human connection, and maximally arranged clutches of uncertainty. “When my mind’s clouded and filled with doubt / That’s when I feel the most alive,” Sumney coos over horns and piano on slinky soul song “Cut Me”; it’s an effective mantra for the album.

Beyond the simple cliche of containing multitudes, on the first half of grae, Sumney’s interested in the complexities of contemporary masculinity and the necessity to control your own narrative, especially as a Black person. The Jill Scott-featuring and -sampling “jill/jack” redefines traditionally masculine characteristics of a puffed chest and straight back as not masculine, but masculine and feminine, strong, not aggressive. “Virile” similarly conquers themes of toxic masculinity through instrumentation that bolsters Nubya Garcia’s fluttering flutes and Brandee Younger’s harp, enough to overtake Thundercat’s bass and Ian Chang’s drums.

Beyond gender, though, Sumney sings for, as Taye Selasi puts it on “also also also and and and”, not just “my right to be multiple” but “the recognition of my multiplicity.” That he provides the space for other black voices--instrumental and spoken or sung--to do the same, is what makes grae exceptional. On the chugging “boxes”, Ayesha K. Faines says, “The most significant thing that any person can do / But especially black women and men / Is to think about who gave them their definitions / And rewrite those definitions for themselves.” Sumney’s done as such for the better part of a half decade through his viscerally sensitive singing and words, and his all-encompassing inclusion of others beyond mere careful curation offers a slew of essential contemporaries across genres. Brandon Coleman, Jamire Williams, and Shahzad Ismaily form a makeshift jazz band on “Gagarin”. “Neither/Nor” forms around gorgeous circular picked kora from Tunde Jegede, as Sumney further embraces the nature of life: “I am planted on the shore knowing / The ashen tide may or may not rise,” he sings.

Yet, on the comparatively stark second half of grae, Sumney returns to many of the relationship insecurities of Aromanticism. He eventually comes out even stronger, but the road there is painful. Spring-boarding off of first half closer “Polly”, a heartbreaking song about being with a polyamorous person when you’re monogamous, is the devastating “Two Dogs”. Sumney describes, at first with dry humor (“I had two dogs / In the summer of 2004 / One was boot black / The other whiter than a health food store”) and later with brutal detail (“Medicine clogged their stomachs ‘til they overpoured”) the death of two beloved creatures, only for someone to force him to relive the trauma so as to gauge Sumney’s level of emotional intelligence. “When you ask me in a worried fret, ‘Have you ever at least loved a pet?’” they charge at the taciturn loner. At first, he responds with self-protection. On “Bystanders”, he sings, “What’s the use of confessing the truth to an executioner in a booth about the dueling forces in you?” empowering the judgement of the other person. And on “Me in 20 Years”, over glimmering and clattering typically woozy synths from Oneohtrix Point Never, he declares, “Will love let me down again? Oh no, no, it won’t get in.”

Unlike on Aromanticism, though, Sumney eventually comes full circle, open to love of another and the self. It comes first with reflection. Backed seemingly only by keyboard arpeggios from James Blake, on “Lucky Me”, he sings, “Just because you didn’t love me / The way I thought I should be loved / Doesn’t mean I wasn’t wanted / Or I wasn’t something to be proud of,” and healthily confesses to not being over someone. (“I still feel you when I go to sleep and when I awake.”) The ultimate revelation, though, comes on “before you go”, delivered again not by Sumney. Michaela Cole, Ezra Miller, and Selasi state, “A lot of creation stories begin with separation.” Over two albums, Sumney has melded and separated, pulled back and pushed forward alike, ultimately finding effective omniscience in simply letting it be.

græ by Moses Sumney

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each-frame · 5 years ago

Video

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POSSIBLE SPOILERS

Georges Simenon novels (Red Lights)

Brady basically spells out the ending as a reinterpretation of actual events by the main character. Implying Simon is a killer...

Just weeks after Martha wrapped, the pair was in Paris, prepping and then filming -- on a tight 24-day schedule with a crew of 10 people and for very little money.

"We never wanted to approach anything as a mumblecore movie," the director says, knocking the low budget, lo-fi films that have come from filmmakers in his own native New York. "There’s always this sort of thing that we consider cinema that we never want to cheapen, so there is that part of it that we aesthetically going to try, things that are formal and cinematic. And working with smaller budgets, it takes more preparation to do those things to be what you want them to be."

Along with the issues of a small budget and artistic preparation French system of filming permits and strong guilds presented a challenge to the pair, who were more used to guerilla-style filmmaking, which much of Simon -- with its dark and brooding shots on the streets of Paris -- appears to be. Location permits require a week in France, whereas in New York, it is just 24 hours notice. But each had lived in the City of Lights for a time, and so they had ins with crews and different government officials that could help smooth any difficulties.

Campos has said that he was partly inspired to create the character after reading about the murderous antics of Joran Van Der Sloot, who landed three decades in prison for killing a student in Peru.

At the AFI Fest screening of the film last fall, Antonio had described a high school project involving a series of interviews that led him as a filmmaker to “reinvent the closeup” by shifting the focus away from the expressions of a person’s face to other parts of their bodies. How has that style evolved over the years?

AC: It’s funny because for me, it’s not so much a style as it is just an interest in the human form and looking other places besides the face for emotion, embracing the fact that the human body is constantly signaling the way that we’re feeling. I don’t know why, but I find it really beautiful when somebody falls on the edge of frame or a piece of their body is just barely seen – whatever is right for the moment. One of the approaches to camera blocking that I’ve always been interested in is setting up a really perfect shot and then allow the actors to make it more interesting by messing up their blocking a little bit. That’s the way of making your frame feel alive to me and in that way, arriving at something more honest or natural. The perception of the frame being this one thing is not what filmmaking is. The possibilities are endless.

On this, we started with a melody. We had a feeling, a tone. We were chasing a concept. Honestly, you’re never certain that you’ve actually encapsulated the idea or the concept until you’ve edited the film, so hopefully all of the themes we were talking about exploring are quite apparent. Then you present it to an audience and it’s really left up to them. But you just make the thing and then the poetry comes in their interpretation.

https://thefilmstage.com/antonio-campos-top-10-films/

I grew up on narrative cinema. Story is important to me. It’s become less and less complicated—the plot points are very simple—but you need the story. My favorite Haneke films are the ones that have a strong narrative—Code Unknown, Time of the Wolf, The Piano Teacher. Dumont—his stories are so simple. I think the extreme of this is Liverpool, by Lisandro Alonso. He’s against sex, against violence. His stories—it seems like it’s going to build up to something brutal, but it doesn’t get to that. It just kind of lingers. The film just lingers. Nothing happens. No climax. And it didn’t hit me until the next day. It’s a hypnotic film. I felt like I had dreamed it. My favorite filmmaker is Stanley Kubrick, and I feel like story is very important to him, but he deals with story in a very economic way, especially in his later work. The experience of seeing the film trumps the story in a lot of ways. The story brings you through, but the real meat of the film is what you experience.

https://www.slantmagazine.com/film/this-is-how-we-live-conversing-with-antonio-campos/

The only filter we would use is a sort of Pro-Mist—I think it’s a half or a quarter Pro-Mist. It’s just a filter that gives a softness to the frame, and cuts the edge off an HD image. But we were taking our lighting cues from the environment. Carlo’s house [where Simon stays] is very cold and minimal, and that was how we decided on that light design. And we knew that we wanted Victoria’s world to be warm, so for her apartment, we looked for one that was cozy, and we found one on the top floor of a building, the old servant’s quarters, and it was mostly wood. So there was a natural warmth and earthy quality to it. And then the night scenes in Paris, what we fell in love with was the sodium vapor lamps and that stark, raw aesthetic. We didn’t light any of the street stuff. But we cast our streets based on where the best light was. Pigalle at night is like Times Square from the Seventies and Eighties the way I know it from movies and photos. That was one of the reasons I really loved Pigalle. So, one of the most striking-looking scenes, and one of my favorite scenes in the movie, is the final confrontation between him and her. There’s almost a bluish tint on it. We were shooting the last light of the day. That was all the light that was coming in from one window—there was no light in the room itself.

The thing with the Alexa camera, it’s so sensitive, and the way that it deals with color is so nice, that my DP Joe Anderson was making the most out of the very little light that we had. We decided that we were going to use practical lights, so we tested tons of china lamps and different bulbs. We had one or two Kinos that we could use to augment things, and then we had a lot of black wrap which he would use to kind of sculpt what little light we had. We really learned that with the camera, the less you do, the better the image looks and the less digital or HD it looks. That’s the way we were approaching everything: the less-is-more school of thought.

What are some films or filmmakers who work with expectation and payoff in ways that you like?

For me, Code Unknown was a major film for me, and Caché, also, is huge. I mean, Haneke in general.

Benny’s Video?

Yes, Benny’s Video. But, Caché had more of an impact of me, even though Benny’s Video is pretty striking. [Bruno] Dumont. Humanitéwas a big film for me at the time and still is.

Oh yeah. All the time. When I get into a scene, one of the things I like to do is trying to figure out how to communicate something by touching the actors in a certain way. I did it on Afterschool, but I did it more on Simon, and it’s really fun for me, because I do like acting a lot. With Afterschool, it was me digging my fist into Jeremy [Allen White]’s stomach to create this discomfort for a scene where he freaks out. For Simon, I would try to find the physicality of the scene itself with the actors. Like, when Victoria’s lying on the floor and she’s kind of contorted, we spent a lot of time lying on the floor and trying to figure out where she should be to position herself so that she could stay there, and also so she could come to feel something that would bring up the performance that we wanted. I also find that if you’re having a problem with the scene, if you find something physical to change, those things then change the performance. Then there’s also smell. There’s a lot of sniffing in the film, where Simon smells things.

#simon killer #antonio campos #filmmaking

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oumakokichi · 8 years ago

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Because you were talking about Juzo, I'm curious, why was Kirigiri one of your favorites as well? I feel her character development was minimalistic at best and was dropped after the first game, especially in the dr3 anime

Although Ouma is definitely myfavorite ndrv3 character, I’ve been joking a lot lately that Saihara is the one Iactually relate to the most—because I too am an anxious depressed mess, feelsocially awkward at all times, and am a huge Kirigiri fan.

While Kirigiri is certainly nota character to demonstrate her emotions very noticeably outward, I wouldn’t saythat her development is minimalistic in the first game. If anything, Kirigiriis one of the characters whose growth and development is followed the most bythe first game, after Naegi.

The thing is, her developmentstarts from a different position than Naegi’s. Rather than starting from astandpoint of being naïve and overly optimistic or trusting, Kirigiri startsout rather like Ouma, actually. She’s rather cynical at heart, especially indr1, something many people tend to forget about her character. As a detective,she accepts what neither Saihara nor Jin Kirigiri want to accept about theirjob: that people have to be doubted, suspected, and questioned.

Dr3 certainly does drop theball on her character development, but, well—it did that for everyone’scharacter development, pretty much. Future Arc started strong, showed lots ofpromise, and then sadly ruined all the potential it had with weak writing. Bydelegating Kirigiri to the role of “damsel in distress” and “beautiful self-sacrificingcinnamon roll” all at once, dr3 did a really bad job at remembering whyKirigiri became so popular in the first place, because she never used to fitinto those character tropes typically reserved for female characters in the DRseries.

While I’m glad she lived (Seiko’santidote bottle was something I noticed right away when her “death” episodefirst aired, so the foreshadowing was definitely there), I don’t feel dr3 didher justice by any means. She was forced to take a backseat role; just as Chisawas used as nothing more than an object for Munakata’s character arc, Kirigiriwas forced to parallel her by being used as an object for Naegi’s arc. And thatwas a pretty huge insult to her character, in my opinion. Had the switch beenthe other way around, with Naegi sacrificing himself (in a wonderful throwbackto dr1 Chapter 5) and Kirigiri taking an unexpected protagonist role, I would’vebeen a lot more satisfied.

But unlike other DR characters,there are plenty of other materials besides just dr3 to give us insight intoKirigiri. The Kirigiri light novels, for one, as well as the new visual novel,Kirigiri Sou. Kirigiri’s continued popularity is a testament to what sherepresents to the DR series, from a mystery perspective. Just as Junko isiconic for her role as an antagonist, Kirigiri is iconic because of her role asnot only a detective, but thedetective. All the insight she provides Naegi and the player in dr1 about whatsolving a mystery entails, about how to reflect on the mindset of both victimsand culprits, as well as what exposing the truth really means, are themes thathave come up not only in dr1 but in every other DR installment to date,including ndrv3.

Kirigiri is perhaps thecharacter whose advice and teachings have lasted the longest. She instinctivelyunderstands, and helps the player understand, what a real mystery is all about.Where ndrv3 leads the player into a false sense of security before lampshadinghow ridiculous and utterly dangerous it is to trust people blindly, Kirigiriwarns Naegi of the dangers of blind trust and extreme paranoia as early asChapter 1 in dr1. While she’s certainly aloof and uninterested in socializing,especially at first, she’s someone who grasps what the “heart” of a mystery isall about, and helps guide Naegi and the player into understanding it too. Andunderstanding the “heart” is the first step to understanding any mystery presentedin the future, too.

Kirigiri starts dr1 as someonewho is level-headed, reasonable, and extremelysecretive (excessively so, sometimes). She’s smart, calm, and collected, butcertainly not infallible; having replayed dr1 quite recently myself, I’venoticed several instances in which her failure to take action as quickly as shecould’ve causes her to be surprised and blindsided when murders take placeelsewhere. Like Ouma, she often prioritizes her own objectives in: 1.)exploring the school and exposing the mastermind behind the whole game, and 2.)finding out the truth about her own memories, backstory, and talent, so smallerhurdles and culprits among the group can and often do throw her off guard.

Most importantly to note, she’snot a team player, especially not at first. Kirigiri’s cynicism and paranoiamakes it difficult for her to trust others besides herself, though notimpossible. The one major difference between her and Ouma is that Kirigiribelieved in the necessity of trust after doubting others first. Her bond oftrust with Naegi is something gradually developed throughout the course of dr1,slowly and steadily. It’s not something she would have developed with justanyone, but rather something she and Naegi both developed specifically becauseof their shared experiences with one another.

But she certainly didn’t careto explain her motivations or objectives to the rest of the group, nor did shebelieve in telling even Naegi about what she knew on anything more than a “need-to-know”basis. She’s extremely sensitive about people butting in on her personal life. Inher FTEs she says point-blank that she feels emotions just the same as otherpeople, but that she intentionally hides them behind a mask of composure—becauseshe has nothing to gain by tipping other people off as to what she’s feeling orthinking at the moment. In this sense, she’s also quite similar to Ouma. Butwhere Ouma’s mask is all about feigning every emotion, usually in a veryexaggerated fashion, Kirigiri’s is a mask of stoicism.

When others in the group wantto know where she’s been or what she’s been doing, she doesn’t feel any need totell them. Even when it clearly begins putting the group in a more disorganizedstate and things begin reaching a boiling point in Chapters 4 and 5, sheremains extremely closed-off and secretive, and it’s clear that there’s no onein the group she would trust with any of her personal information besidesNaegi. And even Naegi, she never tells the whole story to.

Naegi had to make a consciousdecision to cover for Kirigiri’s lie in Chapter 5—it wasn’t something sheprepared him for, and she knew there was a chance she might actually be sendinghim to his death, if Alter Ego failed to kick in. Still, it was a sacrifice shewas willing to make if need be, and that’s something incredibly cold andpragmatic and that I love to see in characters who are all about “the endsjustify the means.”

Just like Ouma, she wasabsolutely dead set on investigating things to the end. She couldn’t let thingsend with her death, which is why she refused to sacrifice herself in Chapter 5,just as Ouma initially refuses to let himself die in ndrv3 Chapter 4. Hertunnel vision towards stopping the mastermind and figuring out what happened toJin Kirigiri and how far he was involved with the killing game means that shedoesn’t want other people sticking their nose into her business.

Her feelings towards Jin arethe main proof of the fact that Kirigiri can also be driven by personalvendettas, pettiness, and unresolved anger and frustration. As someone who canperfectly understand the resentment towards an absent father figure, I alwaysappreciated that Kirigiri’s conflicted feelings about Jin were handled quitewell in dr1. The narrative ultimately focuses on the fact that yes, Jin lovedhis daughter and was a caring father, but he was also careless, overlytrusting, and thoughtless about how his actions would influence others.Kirigiri was allowed to be angry at Jinwhile also still caring about him, and that was a deeply realistic and humanreaction.

I appreciate the fact thatKirigiri, especially in dr1, was a character never played for fanservice, andnever used as an object of male character development or waifu-baiting. Therewas little to no forced romance between Naegi and Kirigiri in the first gamewhich is what led me to enjoying naegiri quite a lot on my own—when thenarrative isn’t trying to push it in a romantic connotation, I tend to warm upto these sorts of ships a lot faster. Dr1 was very emphatic about appreciatingtheir dynamic as friends first, withanything more than that being a matter of personal interpretation.

The fact that she’s extremelyintelligent, capable, and arguably a protagonist in her own right thanks tospinoffs like DR: Kirigiri and Kirigiri Sou now is a large part of the reasonwhy she’s still #2 on my overall DR ranking. Before Ouma came along, she wasactually #1 and I didn’t think anyone would ever shake her position. I stillreally enjoy her every time I do a reread; if anything, Ouma’s character hasmade me appreciate Kirigiri even more, given the noticeable similaritiesbetween them.

Anyway, these are just my personalthoughts on the subject! I’ve always appreciated that Kirigiri was a characterwho both embraces and embodies the role of a detective, but who alsounderstands the full meaning of “the truth,” and isn’t afraid to lie, cheat, orrely on other cold and calculating tactics in order to achieve her objectives. She’san extremely compelling female character in my opinion, and I’ll always have abig soft spot for her. Thanks for asking, anon!

#dr1 #dangan ronpa #danganronpa #kyouko kirigiri #kirigiri kyouko #ndrv3 spoilers //#spoiler tag is there because i make a few comparisons to ouma!#my meta #okay to reblog #anonymous

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