#i just wrote it 'cause i wanted to do something for april fool's day

[wheels-of-despair]

Revenge of the Freaks Summary: The Hellfire Club does April Fool's Day a little differently. Contains: Sweet revenge, don't try this at home. Words: 1k-ish Note: Part of my Evil Woman universe, but more of a Hellfire story than an explicit Eddie pairing. Can be read as a standalone.

Everybody expects to get pranked on April Fool's Day.

Everyone, everywhere, is suspicious of everything. Especially at Hawkins High. Even the cafeteria ladies get side-eyed when students pick up their trays, wondering if there's a little something extra in their pudding today. No one touches the salt and pepper shakers. No one accepts any gifts. Don't even bother trying to share your food. Check the toilet for plastic wrap before you use it. Beware the sink. For 24 hours, everyone is on high alert.

Because everyone is expecting to get pranked on April 1st.

They are not, however, expecting to get pranked on April 2nd.

As your April Fool's Day prank for the Hellfire table, you brought in cookies.

Not toothpaste Oreos. Those are a waste of both toothpaste and cookies. (Although nobody would've complained about being the designated Eater of the Creme Filling.)

Your April Fool's Day Cookies contained M&M's, Reese's Pieces, and Skittles. It counted as a prank because nobody was sure exactly what they were biting into, other than a circle of butter and sugar. But they were actually quite good. You passed them around, and you all shared a laugh and a few cookies. In case anyone was watching.

On April 2nd, when everyone let their guards down and thought they were safe again, Hellfire would strike.

People would suspect Eddie. Eddie was loud and lively and definitely stood out. The rest of you? Unless someone was looking for a punching bag, you all seemed to sort of fade into the background.

You'd be using this to your advantage.

You'd been plotting for months, and finally had a game plan in place.

For Jackie, who asked out Gareth on a dare and burst out laughing when he stuttered through his nervous response, a locker full of dead ladybugs. You'd found a pile of them in the attic and didn't want them to go to waste, so you swept them into a plastic bag and kept them for a special occasion. Showing her what a lady looked like seemed like a good one.

For Chip and his fancy new car, which he nearly ran over Jeff with while revving obnoxiously and laughing with his friends, a piece of bologna on the hood. It would fry in the sun during the school day and leave a marvelously discolored circle there, until his daddy paid to get it fixed. Until then, someone might throw out the phrase "asshole-mobile" a few times and hope it stuck.

For Brandon, who drew unflattering caricatures of Grant on the blackboard in first period every day for a week before he lost interest, a mouse trap would find its way into his backpack. A thoughtful gift for his creative hands. No idea how it got there.

For Troy, who successfully tripped Mike into Lucas one day and attempted to stuff Dustin into a locker the next, tiny bits of chocolate would appear on his chair. (The smaller the pieces, the faster they melt.) The boys had told you about a similar kind of incident with Troy in middle school, and you didn't want to ruin his reputation.

For Ashley, who took credit for spreading the rumor that you were spreading your legs for all of the freaks in town, a very professional-looking letter from the Hawkins Free Clinic would arrive at her house to inform her that she had a venereal disease. Several pamphlets on safe sex were included.

For Mrs. O'Donnell, whose hatred of Eddie seemed to intensify by the day, a loose screw on her desk chair. It would be a real shame if she were to fall on her ass so hard, it broke the stick that had been up it since 1962.

For Jason, who was generally unpleasant to you all, tiny balloons that appeared to be haunting him. Everywhere he went, a tiny balloon or two would appear on the ground nearby. This puzzled everyone, until somebody loudly suggested that he had to use those because regular condoms were too big for him. Wonder who that could have been.

And for the rest of the basketball team, something special to show your appreciation for the way they ruled both the court and the school. Let's go, Tigers.

A few weeks ago, you and Eddie had taken a little trip to a pharmacy two towns over and bought the cheapest, worst-smelling perfume you could find. It was the kind of perfume that an old lady in a fake fur coat might wear to Bingo on Wednesday nights at the VFW. The kind of smell that made you wish the stench of moth balls in her clothes was a little stronger, to help overpower it.

The Hawkins High gym lockers are more open than the lockers in the hallway. Instead of the standard slats on the top and bottom, there's a wire grate to allow for better airflow. Nobody likes a pile of sweaty teenage gym clothes. Just a few pumps of spray into the grate would have their letterman jackets smelling so bad, it was like a warning system. A Jock Alarm, if you will. You'd always be able to smell them coming, because that stuff wasn't ever going to come out.

Eddie spent all of his free time that day in the library, on his best behavior, under the watchful eye of the stern librarian. He was a good boy, just trying to work quietly on his English essay so he could graduate. She would attest to this, if asked, because he gave her a dandelion when he came in and smiled at her every time he got up to sharpen his pencil near her desk.

The recipients of your little gifts may have had their suspicions, but they couldn't prove a thing. No one paid attention to the nameless, faceless freaks of Hawkins High. No one batted an eye when a two-minute trip to the bathroom actually took eight. Or when an unfamiliar face passed through a hallway it had no classes in. Or when someone changed their shirt between periods because it suddenly smelled like an old lady.

After all, why would anyone want to prank people on April 2nd?

[robynmizore]

Redemption April Fool’s Special Chapter:

The REAL Story of Conquest

Omg hai ^___^ I’m Robyn and I absolutely luuuv @@ games <3 and my fav is Fire Emblem!!! Okies so anyways, im going to tell you about the BEST day of my life when I met my hot husband Takumi!! <333333333 OMFGZ HE WAS SOOOOO FREAKIN KAWAII IN PERSON!!! Supa kawaii desu!!!!!!!! ^______________________________^ When I walked into Hoshido ==I looked up and saw…TAKUMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333!!!! “ KONNICHIWA OMGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ SUPA SUPA SUPA KAWAII KUJO-SAMA!!!!!” I yelled n___n then he turned chibi then un-chibi!! he looked at me [O.O;;;;;;;;;;;] and then he saw how hot I am ** he grabbed my hand and winked ~_ then pulled me behind a pocky shop o.o and started to kiss me!!!!!! [OMG!!! HIS TONGUE TASTED LIKE PINEAPPLE!!! RLY!! . <.< .< (O) (O) (O)] then I saw some baka fat bitch watching us and I could tell she was undressing him with her eyes!!!!!!! [ -________- ;;;;; OMG I COULDN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER!!! (ò_ó) (ò_ó) (ò_ó)] so I yelled “UH UH BAKA NEKO THAT’S MY MAN WHY DON’T YOU GO HOOK UP WITH RYOMA CAUSE TAKUMI-SAMA LOVES ME!!! (ò_ó)” then Takumi held me close == and said he would only ever love me and kissed me again!!!!!!! ** (O)/ then we went to his castle and banged all night long and made 42 babies and they all became BEAUTIFUL PINEAPPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nyaaaaa!!! (^<) ^_____________;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

“W-what the hell?!” Niles spluttered after reading that horrid abomination, throwing it across the room.

“Robyn, you said you were going to write a crack fic chapter today!” everyone’s favorite family friendly 😉 comedic relief seethed.

The authoress, lovingly named after the Goddess of Fate herself, threw her hands up in the air.

“I did!” she protested.

“That is NOT what they meant! This is abuse of the senses!” Niles yelled.

“Well I’m sorry, I thought it was hilarious!” The authoress crossed her arms over her chest. “What do you want then?”

The thief pondered this for a moment, then a wicked smirk crept on his features.

“Say.. do you remember why you wrote this tale in the first place?”

She nodded.

“Good good..”

Niles circled the room slowly, and he could feel the gears in his head turning.

“Why don’t you give it.. a better ending. Maybe something just a little more.. chaotic?”

The pair traded mischievous smirks. After all.. this whole novel was inspired by a particular wall scene. This was going to be very fun.

Warning.. profanity and EXTREME cringe

“OMG CORRIN!”

Nohr and Hoshido (except Takumi, the only reasonable one) squealed obnoxiously.

They all met up in a field because Nohr is full of assholes and decided the Hoshidan royalty did not deserve to grieve their dead mother, and needed to be thrown into a brutal war immediately after. Did they actually do anything to deserve it? Nope, but Daddy Garon hates peace and decided everyone needed to die for an even bigger Daddy Anankos.

“OMG CORRIN!!” Camilla squealed, waving her mommy milkers in everyone’s face.

“OMG CORRIN! Hurry up and ditch your blood family already!” Leo said with an eye roll. “I know dad tried to make you kill two innocent people from Hoshido, but like, he’s not that bad!”

“No, come with us!” Ryoma called. “We don’t abuse you!”

“Aw, we only locked them in a tower for years and years!” Elise protested.

“HMMMMMMMMMMMM…..”

Corrin thought deeply and logically about this.

“I choose… NOHR!”

“What, why?!” the Hoshidan siblings yelled.

“Oh, I wanna know why dad tried to kill me. So I’ve decided I’m walking back into a castle full of Nohrians to ask him. Also, I like my Nohrian siblings. Anyways, see ya!”

(Later in the Nohrian castle)

“Dad, did you try to kill me?” Corrin asked.

“No.” Garon deadpanned, clearly annoyed that Corrin returned alive.

“Ok, I believe you!”

“Whatever. Anyways, I need you to go to this super dangerous forest where you could easily die to prove I can trust you. Alone. Also if anyone tries to help you I’ll kill them.”

“Yep that’s totally not a red flag or anything!” Corrin replied.

Corrin’s next adventures consisted of similar stupidity- I mean missions, until that fateful day on Port Dia.

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” Takumi shouted when he confronted the Nohrian army, only to see Corrin complaining about having to fight their Hoshidan siblings.

“Ugh..” the prince groaned, facepalming as he let out a slow breath to collect himself, then shouted

“WHEN WILL YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR ACTIONS… HAVE…CONSEQUENCES?!?!?!”

“They do?” Corrin asked, frowning. “But I have plot armor!”

“Oh that’s it.. I’m taking away your water privileges on turn ten!” Takumi seethed.

After a furious battle, Corrin, who is now magically a master tactician despite growing up locked in a tower, managed to take out the pineapple haired, bow wielding menace.

“Hahaha loser, get out!” Corrin said smugly. “If you do, we won’t kill you. Probably.”

“Gee thanks, you’ve all really proven yourselves trustworthy, especially after killing BOTH MY PARENTS UNDER THE GUISE OF PEACE!” Takumi snapped. “And our civilians!”

“How rude. Mommy should beat some manners into you!” Camilla gasped, her mommy milkers flopping everywhere because ✨ fanservice ✨

“Nah let him be mad. He’s justified. Still gonna make him suffer unnecessarily tho.” Corrin replied.

“If it weren’t for you, Mother and our civilians would be alive!” Takumi shouted, causing Corrin to glitch out.

“T-too m-m-much l-logic!!!”

Then Takumi was seized with a horrible headache and retreated, swearing vengeance for his mother’s murder.

“Wow he has issues!” Camilla mommy milkers exclaimed.

That night, Corrin scribbled into their diary instead of responsibly planning the next battle.

“Dear diary.” Corrin bitched.

“Takumi hates me for literally no reason. Wtf even is his problem?!

-Super Triggered.”

“OMG CORRIN! Have you planned for the next battle?” Jakob asked.

“SHUT UP JAKOB, I HAVE PLOT ARMOR!!” Corrin screeched.

Later, Elise fell violently ill and Ryoma refused to let them get medicine, and Corrin yelled at them that they were a jerk despite killing Hoshido’s queen, civilians, and terrorizing their kingdom (also Nohr kinda did the same thing in Birthright to Takumi soooo.. payback?) so they were forced to break a bunch of poisonous pots with only one healer. Then they encountered Takumi again while trying to quell a totally reasonable and expected uprising.

“Wow, dad’s kinda mean. I should just ignore it though.” Corrin remarked.

Hans decided to come and “help” after giving a totally fake apology in which Corrin was immediately like

“Ok, I believe you!”

“Yo.” Takumi said, shooting Corrin with an arrow.

“OH MY GODS THERE’S A PERSON HERE?!” Corrin screeched.

“I’VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME, MORON!” Takumi fired back. “I’m literally standing in the dark with a glowing bow!”

“You could have killed me!” Corrin whined, making Takumi face-palm.

“That was the point!”

Then Scarlet showed up.

“Wow, traitor.” Camilla mommy milkers whined.

“Corrin literally did the same thing.” Takumi deadpanned.

“OMG CORRIN!! LEAVE THEM ALONE THEY’RE PERFECT!” Elise simped.

“QUIET NOHRIAN SCUM!” Takumi snapped, firing.

“Wow ok hater. If you’d just have a reasonable discussion, my totally fair ruler of a dad would end this peacefully even though we keep launching unprovoked attacks on you.” Corrin said.

“If I kill all Nohrians, maybe this head pain will go away.” Takumi muttered, and everyone conveniently ignored Takumi’s obvious mental struggles.

Once again, Nohr won. Azura ignored Takumi’s clear signs of possession, Hans went on a killing spree, Corrin weakly protested in which Hans replied

“Nope. Daddy Garon said so.”

“Where’s the justice?!” Corrin gasped stupidly.

“Meh. Idk.” Camilla mommy milkers replied. “But Daddy Garon will kill me if I disobey so just ignore all red flags.”

“Ok, I believe you!” Corrin said.

Later, there was an assassination attempt on Daddy Garon by this songstress who looked and sounded exactly like Azura but totally wasn’t for some reason. After that Azura conveniently showed Corrin a magical crystal that showed them that Daddy Garon was GASP a slime monster!!!

Hm.. should I tell my siblings? Corrin pondered, then started glitching out.

“T-too m-m-much l-logic!”

Nah, let’s just destroy Hoshido and disregard everyone’s feelings. Especially Takumi. Screw that guy.

Corrin’s next “adventures” involved killing some guys for his boots (in the name of peace ofc), almost getting blown up by ninjas while also escorting Saizo through his suicide attacks for one measly speedwing. Corrin also had to take a good look for like an hour or so before using a dragon vein lest their army be cut off.

Then they saved the Hoshidan royals, everyone went OMG CORRIN!! (Except Takumi, who was so reasonably salty by this bs, he threw himself across the table when Hinoka asked him to pass the salt) Elise bullied Sakura, Corrin became a furry killer, Xander got beat up by some wind and a pack of Bolt Naginata using Falcon Knights. Oh, also Lilith died at some point and we’re all supposed to care for some reason.

Then Corrin beat up a small child (aka Sakura) in the name of peace, tied her up, and had her watch a bunch of defenseless soldiers get brutally murdered right before her eyes right after promising peace because Daddy Garon said so. And then at last came the fateful day that inspired this whole tale in the first place. Oh how differently it was going to end today. Because a devilish one-eyed thief paid our favorite second prince of Hoshido a nice visit and left him a nice little present…

“Ow, what the hell are these hard objects?!” Corrin yelped, ripping one out of their bare foot.

They were at the Great Wall of Suzanoh, aka Takumi’s wall of doom. Filled with the frustrated screams of Fire Emblem players alike. And at the very top of the wall stood Takumi in all his silver pineapple-haired glory, Fujin Yumi in hand.

“Your invasion of Hoshido ends now, Corrin!” Takumi yelled. “Everywhere in Hoshido is covered in LEGO. I hope you feel the excruciating pain we felt when you chose Nohr-“

“SCREW THIS! I’M PLAYING BIRTHRIGHT!!” Corrin yelled.

“You’re.. what?” Takumi asked in confusion, then Corrin performed an Emmeryn off the wall.

“…..”

Takumi watched Corrin fall with a neutral look on his face.

“Oh look..”

His expression abruptly shifted.

“..The trash took itself out. ..Wait.”

Then he saw Iago The Douche Bird Mage cackling with delight and fired an arrow, knocking him off the wall too.

“There.” Takumi said, his expression back to normal.

Meanwhile, Hinata was paging curiously through a book a certain daydreamer dropped during the fight.

“..Hey Lord Takumi? Some Nohrian weirdo wrote a romantic story about you and…. Prince Leo?! They called it.. Leokumi?”

“Oh, is that so?” Prince Takumi replied calmly, his hazel gaze shifting to Leo, who was calling Forrest a disgrace and calmly fired another arrow, knocking Leo off the wall too.

“Perfect.”

Then Takumi went to defeat Nohr, married the beautiful Goddess of Fate (named Robyn) then went to live happily ever after.

Niles: Meanwhile in someone else’s Fire Emblem Fates play through~

Happy April Fool’s Day lmao. Real chapter of Redemption will be out Sunday xD

[directlyat-thesun-moved]

I posted 14,154 times in 2022

That's 14,154 more posts than 2021!

788 posts created (6%)

13,366 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@on-the-outside

@chaotic-lesbian-but-also-a-tree

@geeky-gay-greek

@sparkycinnamon

@i-dont-know-nor-care-go-away

I tagged 2,290 of my posts in 2022

#asks - 228 posts

#ask game - 113 posts

#important - 65 posts

#rae's random rants - 64 posts

#marvel - 62 posts

#mcu - 60 posts

#anon - 57 posts

#aos - 55 posts

#siya - 53 posts

#agents of shield - 49 posts

Longest Tag: 131 characters

#probably some cliche breakup song like abcdefu or that one that’s like ‘10 you’re selfish 9 you’re jaded 8 the dumbest guy i dated’

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

you know a show is good when every single character gives you extreme gender envy

200 notes - Posted July 30, 2022

#4

Picrew tag game thing cause I love this picrew!!! (yes this is my pfp) here it is

tagging:

@/starsarovndscars, @/homoromoacecase, @/on-the-outside, @/erica-writes-things, @/hmmyescrimejuice, @/princesscat01, @/wholesome-dragon-lady, @/chaotic-lesbian-but-also-a-treeic-lesbian-but-also-a-tree, @/cheeselovinpuffin, and @/bigbendyhorns and anyone else who wants to do it!

again, the link is right here

218 notes - Posted April 1, 2022

#3

This quote thread was a collaboration with @bitrashteddy (we each wrote about half). The first three lines were from @incorectmarvelquotes. (oh and I don't know what happened on April Fools, Valentines Day or the Kitchen Incident unfortunately. that's still under investigation.)

Wade: I wish i had acid

Peter: Wade you shouldn't do drugs :(

Wade: not that kind of acid, i really need to get rid of a body

Peter: oh well in that case, I know where to get some

Natasha: if you raid Tony's stash again I'm telling him.

Peter: again? What do you-

Natasha: Don't think i've forgotten about April Fools'.

Wade, Peter’s #1 fan: What happened april fools?

Peter: I vowed to never speak of it

Wade: wait... how many of the pranks that were blamed on me were actually you?

Peter: 😈

Natasha: I personally lost count after 20... last year

Morgan: fifty thwee.

Peter: where did you come from?

Peter: firstly: traitor, secondly: very bold coming from someone who blamed Wade for the kitchen incident

Natasha: the kitchen- wait. Peter, that was YOU?

Peter: Hey- I was simply an accomplice, it was all Morgans idea

Morgan, putting on her I'm an innocent five year old face: auntie Nat, do you weally think I'd be smart enough to pull something that genius off?

Natasha: At this point I'm ready to believe anything.

Wade, losing his mind: Can we go back to the part where you framed me for the incident AND stole acid?

Peter: Morgan is the one who showed me where the acid was!

Wade: so you're blaming everything on Morgan now?

Peter: ...yes. yes, I am.

Morgan: B- but I didn't do anything!

Peter: Morgan we all know you're not as innocent as you claim to be

Morgan: But- in my defense he asked weally nicely

Natasha: *sighs* Morgan do you want me to teach you karate?

Tony: Nat, I have no context at all for this but you're not teaching my daughter martial arts.

Peter: Is now a good time to confess Wade and I have been teaching her Kickboxing?

See the full post

218 notes - Posted April 18, 2022

#2

Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Five, Ben, Marcus, Fei, Jayme, Alphonso, Sloane, and Christopher: Fuck you, Vanya, you destroyed the world twice and nobody loves you. Viktor: :( Viktor: oh also my name’s Viktor. Everybody: Well. Fuck you Viktor.

281 notes - Posted October 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Yelena: Hey Kate, are you there?

Clint, Mr. Hearing Problems: Did you just say 'are you gay?'

Yelena: I said are you there

Kate, emerging from the shadows: Well, I am gay...

based on a real conversation

344 notes - Posted March 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[sayulvr]

# pranking the eternals (it doesn't end well) 🍨

━ pairings: eternals x reader

━ genre(s): fluff, random blurbs

━ warnings: none! prolly some muses being out of character? but yeah

━ words: 0.7

━ notes: in celebration of April Fool's, I wrote this silly little thing at 2 am when I should definitely be in bed <3 As always, like, reblogs, and comments are highly appreciated ! and yes, requests are OPEN

THENA

Trying to trick the goddess of war is like poking a hornet’s nest with a stick and hoping for the best - it won’t end well !

And mainly because you don’t know if it's something you should be doing when the poor woman is already suffering from Mahd Wr’ry

But you wanted to include her, to at least take her mind off her worries. Maybe as long as it is harmless (and wholesome) then it’s okay, right?

“Thena! I can talk to animals!” You tell her one day, holding a small bird in your hand. “I just heard this bird talk to me, I promise”

Thena turns to face you, confused but also intrigued. “Really? What did the little one say?”

“Well, it said that–” as if on cue, the bird chirped. “That you are the most lovely, wonderful, and awe-inspiring person in the universe.” You leaned closer to her, “And that… you are fiercely loyal and protective to your loved ones,”

Thena couldn’t help but smile at your antics. She thinks it's really endearing. “How awfully observant of the little one, no? I believe that we should keep them around,” she leans forward and places a peck at the corner of your lips. “Thank you, dearest. I think that’s rather lovely of you.”

She never lets you live it down (but you don't mind <3)

DRUIG

Local Menace™

He says he doesn’t want to participate but the mischievous look in his eyes says otherwise

You trust him very much with your life, you really do but the way he has been touchy the entire day? constantly being around in your presence? The other Eternals trying to keep themselves from laughing whenever they see you? Certainly not suspicious actions

You tried to approach Sersi once to ask something before Druig appeared at your side, almost scaring the wits out of you

You confront him on what he’s doing and this man basically goes: “I’m not doing anything. Maybe you’re imagining things, love” before tugging you someplace private

Okay, maybe his idea of ‘pranks’ is spreading an obscene amount of time with you - and maybe, just maybe, you don’t mind it at all.

SPRITE

A full-on prank war, no one is spared. It’s either you two are fighting against each other or trying to cause minor inconveniences towards EVERYONE

god forbid anyone who gets caught in the line of fire - Kingo tried to intervene once and he ended up with his hair green for an entire month;

The pranks include: moving other people’s stuff someplace else, putting hair dye (temporary ones) in shampoos, putting obscene amounts of salt in whatever Gilgamesh is cooking - the normal stuff

Whoever manages to trick each other most wins. The prize? Doing whatever the other says, of course!

It’s childish and ridiculous but Sprite has a lot of fun doing it with you, just don’t take it personally if she wins :D

MAKKARI

Your resident partner in crime, is literally the best person to team up with

Oh, you need help with distracting Druig while you steal a pair of his socks? She's on it !

Now you need help with running and hiding from an obviously annoyed Druig who is demanding for his socks? Makkari is on call !

Creates a secret sign-language system that only the two of you can understand so that when you’re shit-talking about someone else, they won’t know that you’re talking about them!

No one has picked up on it as of yet, which is a benefit for the two of you !

The reason why you teamed up with her was that pranking Makarri is near impossible - you can't even breathe in her direction without her knowing! So, why beat them when you can join them?

KINGO

He’s just so confused. Kingo loves you the way that you are, but sometimes he just questions how much he loves you

Walked into the kitchen one day and almost cried when he saw that you were boiling your cereal

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“Oh, good morning, Kingo! Just boiling my cereal, didn’t like the milk being too cold”

“(Y/N) I love you but if you keep doing this I’m just going to break up with you–”

He gets his revenge by taking horrendous photographs of you when you’re asleep, hair askew in different directions, drool and all - and uses it as his wallpaper.

No, you may not change it - it’s his payback after you basically terrorized your cereal earlier D:

[fluffytriceratops]

Hostage - Leonardo [2012]

Note: This is an older imagine I wrote for my TMNT Imagines book on Wattpad. It's actually kinda shitty and my new works are way better, but I figured if I'm going to start posting my stuff on here I should start with the older stuff. ^^" Anyway- even tho it's shitty, I still hope you somewhat enjoy! Thanks for reading! <3

Warning: mature langauge, gore/blood, and physical abuse.

Leo felt like a damn fool. He could never stop grinning when she came by. She made him nervous and jittery. He got butterflies just by thinking about her alone. She was beautiful and foreign and he couldn't help but be a complete and utter fool in her presence.

Y/n L/n had captured his heart and run away with it, and he be damned if he ever got it back.

Looking up from what he was doing, Leo was surprised to see a worried looking Casey, followed by a frantic looking April.

April and Y/n were very close, probably because they were the only two girls in a group full of boys. They had things in common because of that, and would often talk to each other when they needed to.

"I just don't understand it! She hasn't answered her phone all weekend, and then today at school she's a no show! I tried going to her place and no one answered!" April said, moving her hands around as she spoke.

"She's probably just away with her parents or something. You know they like to travel a lot." Casey replied, shrugging his shoulders, though his expression revealed how worried he actually was.

"I have a bad feeling about this..." April muttered, shaking her head and looking down at the ground.

"Hey guy's, what's up?" Leo asked, noticing his brother's were also looking up in their direction.

Donnie had stepped out of the lab upon hearing April's voice, but hadn't said anything upon seeing her and Casey in a discussion. Mikey was playing video games on his phone in the living area where Leo had been watching TV, but he looked away from the screen in curiousness. And Raph was punching the dummy that looked like Shredder, but even his movements had seized.

"It's Y/n. We haven't heard from her all weekend, she wouldn't answer her phone, and she didn't come to school today. I stopped by her place, and nothing. No one answered, it didn't even look like anyone was home." April folded her arms around herself, obviously very worried about her friend.

"Maybe she's gone on a trip, like Casey said?" Mikey spoke up, turning his phone off and stretching a little.

"I don't think so... She would have said something beforehand. And just because she's on a trip doesn't mean she can't answer any of my texts, or pick up the phone when I call. I just.. I have a bad feeling about it." April glanced between them all, wanting their input.

"Do you think somethin' bad happened to her? We do have a lot of enemies, it wouldn't surprise me if someone found and took her as bait." Raph took a couple of steps forward, walking further into the room as he spoke.

Dread began to fill Leo, if something did happen to Y/n- he hated to think that way, he wouldn't.

"We should go to her place and check it out for ourselves. There might be something there you missed, April." He said, standing up and walking over towards the entrance/exit of the lair.

The others nodded in agreement and before long, they were off.

* * *

Y/n was pissed.

She was just minding her own damn business when someone whacked her in the back of the head causing her to pass out. Now she was trapped in the Foot Clan's lair, in pain, hungry, and exhausted.

The poor teenage girl was suspended in the air by thick rope that was wrapped around her wrists tightly. The rope dug into her skin, rubbing her wrists raw and making her bleed. It didn't help that her arms were held up above her and she could no longer feel them from being tied up for so long. She was also positive that she had a minor concussion. She hadn't been fed in three days, her stomach was practically eating itself. Water was only offered once, and she spit it in the guys face who gave it to her. Was that a stupid thing to do? Probably. Did she regret it? Somewhat. Would she do the same thing again? Absolutely.

Being pissed was an understatement.

Her head lifted when she heard commotion before her. A door had opened, Tiger Claw, Fish Face, and Rahzar, walked into the room. She mustered up as much courage as she could, even though she was fucking terrified, and glared at them. The glare was feeble, she was weak, it was obvious.

"Are you finally going to talk, you brat? Master Shredder is getting rather impatient." Fish Face spat, glaring at her in disgust.

Y/n remained silent, not giving them anything. The only thing she did, was look away.

That seemed to only piss them off more, "Listen here you little bitch, sooner or later you have to talk, and if you do not you will be of no more use to us. Which will result in us having to kill you." Rahzar seethed, only becoming more infuriated when she didn't acknowledge them.

Tiger Claw stepped forward and grabbed her face roughly, squeezing her cheeks and forcing her to look at him. "She will talk eventually, and if we do not get an answer out of her ourselves," his eyes glistened, "Shredder will. And he will not be nearly as gentle as us." He thrusted her head back, snarling deeply before leaving the room. The other's trailing behind him.

Y/n's neck snapped back, she squeezed her eyes shut in pain, waiting for them to leave before she sobbed quietly to herself. Fear had consumed her.

She didn't know if the other's knew of her disappearance. Would they even notice if she was gone? It was a depressing thought, but she couldn't help but think that way. It had been three days, and she hadn't even heard anything from or about them. Three days didn't seem like a lot, but to her, it was agonising.

Y/n briefly wondered if she was going to die before she got the chance to admit to the blue branded turtle of her true feelings for him.

Oh well... At least she would die knowing she was able to protect them. Knowing she didn't crack under the Foot's threats.

Still, she couldn't help but feel depressed. Wanting to encase the leader in blue with her love for him.

Now it was too late.

***

Leo knocked on her bedroom window. No reply. He did it again. Still nothing. One last time. Zilch. With a heavy sigh he tested to see if the window was unlocked. Y/n usually left her bedroom window unlocked in case either him or one of his brothers would show up. Just to his luck, it was. He slid the window open with ease, crawling inside followed by his brothers, Casey, and lastly, April.

Her bedroom was dark, the only light that was on was a lamp by her bedside. Her bed was unmade, the tv turned on, and her phone- was sitting on her desk. Leo approached it carefully, picking it up and turning it on. The battery was dead.

"No one's home. Just like we thought." Casey replied, walking back into the room after scouting around the rest of Y/n's place. He held a paper in his hand, "This was stuck to the fridge."

Mikey snatched it out of his hands and read it out loud, "Y/n, your father and I are away on a sudden work trip that came out of the blue. We will be gone for the entire weekend. No partying. Be responsible. Do your homework. There's leftover's in the fridge," his stomach grumbled, which he responded with a sheepish grin, "As usual, April's dad said he'd pop in every once in a while to check on you. We both love you. Be safe. Love, Mom and Dad."

"So that explains why the parent's aren't home, but what about Y/n?" Raph asked, arms crossed over his chest.

"I don't know. This doesn't make any sense. Y/n wouldn't go anywhere without her phone." Leo mumbled, glancing down at the blank screen in his large green hand.

"April was right, something's wrong." Donnie agreed.

"No shit." Raph grumbled, earning a glare from the purple banded terrapin.

April bit her bottom lip, trying to think about what they should do. "Should we contact the police?"

"And say what?" Casey questioned, "Dudes, we believe our friend was kidnapped by one of our mutant turtle friends enemies?"

April shot him a glare, "Well what do you think we should do?"

"I say we storm the Foot's lair and check the place out for ourselves. If Shredder has her she'd be there." He punched his fist into his hand, earning a scoff from Donnie.

"We can't just storm into the place, bonehead. We don't even know if he was the one who took her. "

"We can't just sit around and do nothing!" He retorted.

"Guys, calm down. We need to think clearly without everyone screaming at one another." Leo spoke, stepping between the two.

"Leo's right. Who know's how long Y/n's been gone, or where she is, if she's okay. The longer we take the less time she may have. We need to come up with a plan, and quickly." April gestured, sitting on the end of her friend's bed.

"Okay, so what do we know about the situation?" Donnie asked, looking between everyone.

"Y/n's been taken, we don't know how long she's been gone for, where she is, or who took her. Her parent's have been away the whole weekend, and appear to still be gone. Her phone was on her desk, tv in her room on, along with one light. There's no sign of forced entry, so whoever took her must have known what they were doing." Leo noted, glancing down at the floor.

"That rules out the Kraang and Purple Dragons. They're clumsy when it comes to things like this." April muttered.

"So it is the Foot! See, I told ya!" Casey boasted.

"We still don't know that for sure." Donnie said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"But it has to be them! Who else would it be?" Mikey asked, looking between everyone in confusion.

"We'll go check it out. We can watch from a distance and see if we hear or see anything about Y/n. We could probably even sneak someone in to check things out." Leo ordered, slipping her phone into his belt and turning around to walk towards the window.

***

Y/n felt the blood began to drain from her body from the slash on her back she had just received from Shredder. She gagged from the pain, not being able to vomit because her stomach was empty. Her entire body was trembling, and Shredder was absolutely furious.

"Leave her. Maybe that will teach her not to refuse orders from me." He turned and left the room with a dramatic door slam. Followed by each and every one of his minions.

Y/n let her head hang, slowly sucking air into her lungs. She didn't know how much more of this she could handle. The beatings were getting worse, and she had already lost so much blood. Her eyes slowly closed, her body was going numb, she felt darkness closing in. It was so welcoming... She almost wanted to give in.

She didn't know how long she was out for, a couple of hours maybe? But when she woke up and blinked slowly, she saw a dark figure in front of her. Her eyes widened in slight fear and panic, thinking the worst. She shook her head, flinching away.

"Please..." She whispered, voice dry and croaked from screaming, "No more... I-I can't... Please."

"Y/n, it's okay, it's just me." The voice was familiar, she knew that much. She blinked a few more times, her vision focusing. It was Donnie, hope began to fill her once again.

"D-Donnie?" Just as his name left her chapped lips, she noticed Mikey, Raph, and Leo run into the room. April and Casey stayed by the door to keep watch.

"Y/n!" The other three ran towards her, Donnie had already lowered her ropes and was working on cutting them off.

"She's in really bad condition, the ropes have fully cut off her circulation in her wrists and arms. She's completely dehydrated, and probably starving too. She's also lost a lot of blood, we need to get her back to the lab, now!" The ropes were cut but Y/n wasn't able to hold her own body weight, causing her to tumble to the floor.

Luckily, Raph had caught onto her. "You guys came for me..." She breathed, barely having enough strength to glance up at them.

"Of course we came for you, Dudette! You're one of us!" Mikey exclaimed, grinning down at her, though she could tell he was worried.

"Guy's they're coming! You better hurry it up!" It was Casey, he and April had barricaded the doors. Not like that would do much.

"Raph give Y/n to Leo, he, Mikey, and I will get to the shell razor, you can help April and Casey hold them off for as long as you can. We need more time." Donnie instructed, earning a nod from Raph as he gently passed Y/n into Leo's strong embrace.

Her eyes drifted up to his, he flashed her a worried smile, "Just hold on Y/n, we're almost done." he slid his hand under her knees and picked her up somewhat bridal style, causing the poor girl to wince from her injuries.

"Sorry," She mumbled, causing him to glance down at her in bewilderment, "Why are you apologising?"

"I'm getting my blood all over you.." She replied, drifting in and out.

"Stay with me Y/n! Stay with me! Focus!" He got her into the shell razor, the other following close behind. Once everyone was in the vehicle they zoomed off, Raph driving.

Y/n's eyes began to flutter shut, "Don't you dare close your eyes! Y/n!" Leo was begging, eyes wide in panic, tears brimming in the corners.

"I... can't..." And with that she was out.

Leo refused to leave her side as Donnie worked on her. Mikey couldn't watch, he was too afraid. April held onto him in comfort, as Casey tried not to heave at the sight of blood. Raph just focused on driving, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turned white/light green.

Once they were at Donnie's lab back at the lair, he had better equipment, Y/n still hadn't woken up, but at least she was alive. Luckily Casey shared the same blood type as her, so he was able to donate some of his blood. Her open wounds on her wrists looked infected, and her wrists and almost one entire arm was black and blue. That's what concerned Donnie the most, the fact that her arms were so badly damaged. One arm was worse than the other, the purple coloring spreading up till her elbow. It didn't help that she had an infection, and it was spreading. He had to do something quickly or else it would travel into her bloodstream and she would surely die.

So he did the only thing he could think of. Amputate.

***

When Y/n came back into consciousness, she could feel something was wrong. Not only was she in an incredible amount of pain, but she could tell something was off. Something was missing. She could see Leo asleep out of the corner of her eyes. His head was resting on the cot she was laying on, one of his hands holding her own. She smiled a little, about to reach over to place her other hand on top of his when she couldn't.

Horror began to fill her veins as she glanced over at her arm, which was completely amputated up till her elbow. Tears flooded down her face, she slowly removed her hand from Leo's grasp, not seeing the poor boy wake up and glance up at her, her fingers traced the bandages on her arm.

"Y/n?" Leo watched her movements and frowned, "Y/n... I'm so sorry... Donnie did everything he could. He really did try to save your hand. But the infection... It only made everything worse..."

She glanced over towards him, a small sad smile on her face, "S'okay, you guys tried right? There was nothing else you could have done... At least I'm alive... At least you are safe.."

His frown deepened, he hesitantly reached over and grabbed her one and only hand. It was bandaged also, and he made sure to be super gentle with her. "Do you want me to call the others?"

She shook her head, "Not yet... There's something, I want to tell you first."

He perked up a little, nodding his head to let her know she could continue.

She averted eye contact, "When I was in there, all I could think about was keeping you guys safe." Her voice was scratchy and hoarse from not using it in so long, it hurt to speak, but she continued anyways, "To not let them know of your guys' location... But I also couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I would die before I ever got to tell you how I really felt about you."

Leo's eyes widened and his heart leapt to his throat, he didn't know what to say, so he just let her continue.

"I think I'm falling in love with you... I think.. I think I am in love with you, Leo. And it's okay if you don't feel the same way, I just... I wanted you to know."

A small grin spread across his face, he couldn't help it. He reached forwards with his free hand and brushed some of her tangled hair out of her face. "I think I'm in love with you too." he whispered, as if the other's could almost hear them.

She smiled back, "Really? You're not just saying that because Donnie just hacked off part of my arm?"

He chuckled and shook his head, "Really. I mean it. I truly, really do."

Y/n grinned, "I'd totally kiss you right now, but I'm in too much pain to move."

Leo laughed, "Then don't." He leaned forwards and brushed his lips against her own, it wasn't exactly a kiss, but it still meant the world to them.

***

It was a while later and Y/n was finally back on her feet. She had just come into the lab per Donnie's request where Mikey practically barrelled into her.

"Y/n! Donnie made you a robot arm! Look!" He pointed towards it, an excited grin on his face.

"Mikey!" The other three scolded in unison.

"It was supposed to be a surprise you idiot!" Raph glared, arms crossed like usual.

Leo walked over and wrapped an arm around her torso, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, the other's smirked knowingly. Leo only rolled his eyes at their kissey faces.

"So, what do you think?" Donnie asked, stepping forward and holding out the arm.

Y/n grinned, "I think it's awesome! Fuck ya, I get to be a fucking Transformer!"

And they all laughed.

[arcadejohn127-9]

Hello,, may i request headcanons of the brothers who got a love letter from mc but it turned out to be a prank from some lesser demons,,thank you :))

This was meant to be posted on yesterday for April fools but ended up getting caught up with things irl and didn't get to finish it in time - aaaaaaaand I fell asleep before midnight and now it's 3 am, fell asleep mid way through writing, well done me 😭😂

Rip the lesser demons for always having the balls to cause mischief but always end up getting hurt, when will they learn - what happens at the end is up to you

The lesser demon snickered towards his friend, shushing their friend as they slipped the pink letter into the higher demons locker. Another demon was with them, more timid than the other two.

"what if we get in trouble?! They'll find out it wasn't actually the human and we'll end up dog food-!"

"we planned this whole thing, it'll be fun - we just gotta stay at a distance!"

It was long before footsteps grew closer, the timid demon squeaking in fear. The other lesser demons took it as a sign to start running, grabbing each other and bolted away from the scene of the crime.

The owner of the locker arrived, just noticing the lesser demons run off in the distance. He opened his locker and almost stumbled back when a letter fluttered out. The demon grew curious he noticed there was a heart seal on the back. He opened it to read it to himself.

To my dearest friend,

I think it's about time I come clean about my feelings, I've been holding these in for a very long time and I refuse to keep them a secret anymore!

I'm in love with you! I can't explain it but you've won my heart, everytime you smile at me I just can't help but feel my heart skip. Is it wrong to feel this way? I'm only a human and you are a demon...we're so different and I don't know how long we'll be able to have this time we have together. All I know is that I want to be with you for as long as I can!

Will you accept my feelings? I'm not sure if I can face just yet so meet me at the end of day! I'll be waiting for you at the back of the school - I really hope you come. Even if it's decline my feelings....I just want to be able to face you and how you make me feel.

Love, (Y/N)

Lucifer:

Oh his ego is SO stroked

He could just imagine the human blushing as they wrote and nervously putting it in his locker

He did see you later that day and decided to tease you a little but while you were flustered, you also seemed confused

That was his first suspicion

When the time finally came he was patient but you weren't early

His second suspicious

You both knew each other very well, he liked things being in a timely Matter and you tried your best to not be late

He stiffened when he heard a snicker from a few trees away, he looked over there to see three demons all hiding

"I know you're hiding, it's best you come out now."

One by one they all showed themselves, growing nervous

"Come here, don't be shy, I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason for this, after all you seemed to be desperate to have me out here."

"you- you knew it wasn't the human?!"

his pride wouldn't let him tell the truth, he refused to show his disappointment

"of course, you clearly don't understand the human as much as you think you do - now, who's the leader? I think we should have a nice talk."

Mammon:

YOU GAVE HIM A LOVE LETTER??!!!

He's internally screaming, his face was bright red

Watch this boy struggle against his locker as he tries to hide his excitement

Though, when his high died down he did find it strange you were being shy

You could have your shy moments but to confess through a letter was odd

He wasn't the brightest guy around but he can sense when he's getting scammed - even if he ignores that instinct when it comes to money

He's always around you so it wasn't strange for him to see you after class and he was surprised how... relaxed you were

Something was up but in the end, he went to the back of the school

When he texted you, asking you where you were and you said going home - that was the final straw

HE WAS TRICKED!

"Oi! Are you out there?! I know you tricked me!"

The lesser demons started to panic, not thinking mammon would catch on

But when mammon started marching around looking for them they decided it was best to reveal themselves

"There ya are, now let's get to talking - what made you three wanna do something like this? You think it's funny to pretend to be the human?"

The leader snickered, agreeing that it was funny to pretend but their friends understood right now - their doom was coming

Mammon cracked his knuckles, stalking closest to them

"I like a good joke, let me show you my favourite one."

Levithan:

Love Letter in his locker??? Heart seal!!!??HE WAS THE LOVE INTEREST??!!

He's torn between dying inside and excitement, he's absolutely losing it

He had to fan himself with the letter due to how hot his face was getting

He wasn't sure how he was going to face you! Let alone you having to face him

But- there was no way you were interested in him! You wouldn't do this

He didn't believe it, it HAD to be a prank

When levi saw you for the rest of the day it only strengthen his suspicions

He did go to the back of the school and when he saw you were no where to he seen

He was absolutely embarassed and ashamed by even hoping it was real

"YOU CAN COME OUT NOW! just- just stop hiding, it isn't funny."

the demons came out, disappointed with the lack of dramatics

"so you three did it, you really think it's funny to do something like this?! To mess with someone's feelings and pretend to be the human is just - IT'S PATHETIC-!"

The demons started to feel uncomfortable, the higher demon had tears in his eyes and obviously worked up

Even the one who wanted to see this kind of reaction was uncomfortable

His demon form started to shift outwards and raised his hand, the ground beneath them rumbling

"it seems you just think I'm some sort of pushover! But I'm not!"

Satan:

Hm, how interesting

It isn't too odd that you're using a letter to confess, you know he appreciate writing

But you were more verbal or atleast text - this was new

But to say he wasn't absolutely ecstatic was an understatement, he was beyond the moon

When he saw you later he tried to not bring up the letter as his brothers were around

Though, he was thrown off when you got confused when he teased about seeing you after school

He decided he'll investigate things, going up to demons who have lockers near his and ask if he saw the human put anything in it

After awhile of searching he finally found out it was three demons who did it - he didn't want to spoil their fun and so he still went

He leaned against the nearest tree, waiting for the demons to arrive

"Ah you're here, I'm so glad you finally came."

the demons were surprised when he moved towards them, they left their hiding spot with nervous smiles

"You write well, you got their energy almost perfectly into the letter - I'm impressed."

They didn't expect that....not one bit

"you're not....mad???"

Satan chuckled, flexing his clenched fists

His smile grew more strained and dangerous as he leaned over them

"oh no, no I'm not mad - im LIVID."

Asmodeus:

He was surprised to get a love letter, he gets piles worth everyday

He didn't expect it to be from YOU though

You were so open with him and you two were already overly affectionate to each other he was sure you were already low-key dating

So to get confirmation his feelings were returned - he was overjoyed!

As soon as he saw you he's hugging you, telling you how he loved your letter and that he'll still meet you after school if you need to

You were utterly confused and unsure what he was talking about

When you told him you didn't give him that letter he felt his heart break

You didn't love him?? That wasn't your letter??

To think someone would play a prank on him like that! It was rude!

When it was time, he went to the back of the school and pretended as if he didn't sense the other demons

That was until he grew impatient

"are you shy, dear? It's okay - I know it wasn't the human~"

The lesser demons came out, confused

One of them blushed just being near him

"I'm sorry for my friend! They wanted to play the prank but- but I love you asmo!"

He gave them a pity smile

"aww~ of course you love me! But you really hurt my feelings making me believe the human did, I almost cried!"

The demons immediately all felt bad

The idea of their gorgeous asmo crying made them guilty

"I know exactly what will make me feel better, making sure you three can never write again~! Can't have you keep tricking me, can I?"

Beezlebub:

A Love letter from you?! He's a happy boy

But now that he actually thinks about it - it's odd you're not being upfront

You two usually sit alone together when you wanna get something off your chest, holding hands and you don't even have to face each other

Why the sudden change? Perhaps you just wanted to be like one of Levi's anime characters

Regardless, he was happy and wanted you to be happy

Hes was going to make you happy!

Beel was quick to find you and act like he didn't find your letter, you said you'll face him after school and he respected that

Whilst you couldn't exactly avoid each other before then, he did try to give you space

As soon as school ended he Went to the back, waiting for you to arrive

Each second went by and he grew more hungry

He smelt something close by and found three demons hiding, it was odd but he didn't want to be hungry whilst you confessed - he wanted to give you his full focus

"ah-! How did you know we were here?!"

"I smelt the sandwich in your bag, I want it."

It didn't take much convincing to hand it over

He's a scary demon afterall

"it's best you leave, my friend is coming."

One of the demons started laughing, questioning if he actually believed it was you who gave him the letter

Beel got confused before it all clicked together, he frowned, glaring at the demons

He wasn't happy

"I'm still hungry, three demons will do just fine."

Belphegor:

Happy cow man, demon tail go SWISH

On the inside hes like an excited dog, outside he's just standing there

Meanwhile he wants to be like his twin, respectful that you want to do later

He isn't that patient and wants to make it official with you NOW

so as soon as he sees you, he's draping himself on you and telling you how impatient he is

You're confused on why and he shows you the love letter

You tell him that it isn't from you and that's not even your hand writing - it's a good mimic but not yours

He is SHOCKED then he's mad

He still goes to the back of the school but it's to fight whoever pranked him

He wasn't going to wait around

"Get out now or I'll search this entire space for you - it won't be pretty if I find out."

It didn't take the demons twice to show themselves

Belphegor was feared amongst others due to his brutality when push comes to shove

Just because he's always sleeping doesn't mean he isn't scary

"Good~ so which one of you wrote the letter? If you wanted to confess you should of just done it."

The demons looked at each other, unsure on what to do

But after a few moments the youngest brother got impatient, moving towards them with a clenched hand

The leader of the lesser demons finally admitted to doing the prank

"see? It wasn't so hard, let's have a long chat about this~"

[timextoxhajima]

hi dana.. if it’s possible can i request some angsty wangsty based on niki la la lost you with eric🥺 and ughh i really love your writing like crazyyyyy

♥ title: la la lost you in april [also part of @sunlightwoo ‘s 12 Months I Loved You collaboration project]

♥ member: tbz eric

♥ genre: f2l, ex! eric x fem! reader, model! eric [SFW!]

♥ warnings: swearing, some mentions of sex [like, once i think]

♥ wc: 3.4k

♥ a/n: sis when i first heard the song I absolutely loved how you used 'angsty wangsty' so I hope this one does it for you the way you imagined it <3 [fyi i wrote it in like, a camcorder recording audio format which is something i’m trying out so please hmu on whether it’s difficult to read/understand!]

[REC: APRIL 2, 2019 - 6:39PM] SOLO LOG #1

Are you seeing this? This is the most beautiful sunset I’ve seen. I gotta get a shot of this-

Hey! Hey! I could help you take a picture with the sunset if you want to!

Oh! Would- Would you? That’d be great!

Of course! 

...

Here. Is it alright?

Yeah, yeah, it’s cool! Thank you so much!

Are you recording something? Is it a- Are you vlogging? Are you a vlogger?

Yeah, no... I’m actually on a solo trip for a bit.

Oh, where are you from?

Just the next state. 

Ah! You’re taking a break off... life then? I assume? Sorry if that came out weird.

No! No no! It’s alright! Yeah, I just needed a short break from... y’know, school and everything. My semester ended pretty early on so I took the chance to come out here and... see some new sights, meet some new people.

I get that. Well, for a start, what’s your name?

Oh, I’m y/n. Nice to meet you! And you?

I’m Eric. 

[REC: APRIL 4, 2019 - 10:34PM] SOLO LOG #2

It is the 4th of April, 2019. I know, I know, I’m meant to do a daily vlog for all the 50 days I’m here but... it’s been... wow. Um... so I met Eric, the first day I touched down. The beach is just, about a 10 minute walk down and the sunsets are absolutely gorgeous. But uh... call me a fool and say that I’m living in the clouds but- what are the chances?

He’s funny, he’s such a great person to be around with y’know? Never a moment of like, awkwardness or stress and my God, look at me talking about a boy like that, though I met him 2 days ago. 

...

Um, he’s a freelance model. For those freelance shoots by UNIQLO or Target or something and he complains about the pay sometimes, but he looks good infront of a camera, so he’s... actually the one who won at life, really.

I’m not seeing him soon because he’s got a shoot out of town and he’ll be back next week. But I did get his number and he’s been texting me since. 

...

Wouldn’t it be funny if we end up together and then I have this whackass of a reel to show him? Jesus... I need to stop getting ahead of myself here. Freakin’ living in the clouds, aren’t I?

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and see if I can get my weird projector shit up and working. See you.

[REC: APRIL 7, 2019 - 5:14AM] SOLO LOG #3

It is... 5am... uh, April 7th- and I was just binging FRIENDS through the night, waiting for the sunrise before I get some shut eye and then... Eric just asked me out. Oh my God! Um, he’s coming back this Thursday and I’ll go see him at the airport before we go get dinner.

It was really funny ‘cause he had to wake up early for a shoot today and so his day has just begun but mine’s coming to an end and I just- I’m rambling so much, it’s kinda- it’s kinda sad, isn’t it?

I think I’m too happy to sleep right now so I’m just gonna text him some more before the sun rises- oh! He replied!

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and finish up this last episode before sleeping. Hopeful I can sleep. Bye!

[REC: APRIL 11, 2019 - 4:28PM] SOLO LOG #4

I am on my way out right now to go meet Eric at the airport, and I’m... it’d be an understatement to say that I’m excited. I know I’ve only known him for like, 2 days before he left but... I miss him. Is that possible? Missing someone despite knowing them for 2 days?

Anyway, I gotta go. Don’t wanna be late to see him.

[REC: APRIL 13, 2019 - 10:23AM] SOLO LOG #5

Oh! Is that what you had-

Yeah! It’s the same camera!

What are you vlogging for, actually? Like-

Nothing, really. It’s just for my own usage-

Wait, you didn’t like set that up last night while we-

Oh, God, no! Who do you think I am?

I don’t know, I mean, we’ve known each other for... is it two weeks-

Just under two weeks-

Jeez-

I know, I know, oh my God.

...

I don’t regret it though. Yeah, like- I don’t really go down to the beach that often in the first place and it just- it just so happened that you were there that day and I saw you struggling with this old thing-

I was not struggling!

Yeah you were!

I wasn’t-

I’m kidding! Gosh, you’re so cute.

...

Are you gonna have the camera recording while this carries on?

I forgot it was on-

One day we’re gonna accidentally make a sex tape-

Eric!

[REC: APRIL 17, 2019 - 1:15AM] SOLO LOG #6

-ould you pass me the hot water?

Mm? What?

The kettle over on the counter. Careful, it’s hot. Yeah, thanks.

Do you need help with-

It’s just instant noodles, sweet. Doubt I need a diploma for this. You’re recording again?

Yeah, does it bother you?

No, no, ‘course not. Though that means I can’t really do whatever I want to now.

What does that mea-

...

I can... still taste that bit of milk tea you had just now-

Could you tell it’s zero sugar?

I don’t think that matters, it’s still sweet and not great for your health to have that so much.

Aw, and yet you’re the one who suggested noodles at this timing, yeah?

You were hungry too!

...

Here, it’s done. Help me get the bowls? 

Did you even wash these?

Yeah, I did. If you don’t trust me, you can run them under the water for a bit.

Mhm. Here.

If it’s not enough, we can call for Macs.

Y’know, I’ve never had Macs past midnight back at home.

What? Really? Well, when you get back in May, would you try?

Yeah, why not? Maybe I’ll do that when I’m back in school. 

...

What date is it today?

April... hold on, um, 17. Careful, that’s hot.

...

When are you leaving again?

May 22. 

Are you planning on coming back anytime soon after?

I don’t know. I have school to worry about and the only other time I can come back’s probably during winter break in November.

...

I won’t be around in November.

Mm? Why not?

I’m moving.

To where?

I’m not sure yet, but I need to move depending on whether I get it and where the shoot’s at.

Shoot? It’s a big project, huh?

Yeah, it’s- it’s a pretty big deal.

...

I’ll- Let me just go and...

[REC: APRIL 20, 2019 - 7:49PM] SOLO LOG #7

-idn’t have to!

No, c’mon! It’s such a great time to get this on camera! Come on, tell us what just happened!

Well, I just scored a huge model contract with Calvin Klein - in Manhattan.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m so fucking proud of you, oh my God! Can you believe it-

No, fuck off, I can’t either! 

Oh! Calvin Klein!

...

I swear, you’re an angel sent to me-

Fuck off!

I’m serious! it’s so timely- I just can’t- I’m just so happy to have met you.

...

Well, you heard it first here, ladies and gentlemen. Eric Sohn is a new model for Calvin Klein - Manhattan.

[REC: APRIL 21, 2019 - 12:40PM] SOLO LOG #8

It is 12.40pm... April 21st, 2019. I’m finally back in my apartment after crashing at Eric’s for the last... 10 days? I think it was 10 days. My clothes were running out and I didn’t want to hike up his water bills so I just came back and- y’know did my own laundry.

...

Well, it’s- it’s been an absolute dream. The last thing I expected to... have, or meet? Here, is Eric. Um, but I know I’m probably going to regret this. Especially when May 22 comes. Uh... this is... it’s real bad. I mean, we’re great, y’know? But... it’s bad, because I know it’ll hurt. Like a bitch. When my time here is up, and I gotta go back to my reality, and Eric’s gotta stick to his. 

We haven’t really talked about it. May. I don’t think he wants to, and I don’t think I want to either. 50 days is too short. Either that, or I shouldn’t have come here in the first place. I shouldn’t have gone to the beach that day, in that hour. 

...

I just wish we had more time. I wish 24 hours were... maybe about 100 seconds more per minute. Does that make sense? 160 seconds per minute. Then again, I don’t think that’d solve my problem. I’ll still be on a ticking... time bomb. 

...

I know I shouldn’t say this. I know I can’t. I know I can’t afford to. But... I... I love him. I love Eric. With every... bit of me. It’s so... disgustingly cliché, but I feel so... comfortable with him. There’s really nothing we’d fight about, and even if we disagreed on something, we’d play it off like a debate, then forget about it the next day.

...

I love him. I do. And I’m going to regret this later. Without a doubt.

...

[REC: APRIL 27, 2019 - 2:02AM] SOLO LOG #9

-ou can see the stars?

I don’t know, that’s why I’m trying, sweet.

...

Can you see them?

Yeah, maybe if I just turn this ISO- Oh! I can kinda see the North Star-

Oh! Yeah, you can! It’s really feint though.

Right.

It’s okay, we can just lay it down here-

On the grass? Will your camera be fine?

Yeah, yeah, or else you can just put in on top of my bag- here.

...

Here, can you see me? Am I in frame?

Yeah, you’re in frame.

Okay, great. Now get over here!

...

I can taste the smoothie you had just now.

Too sweet?

A little.

...

Oh my God! Put me down! Oh- not there! It’s ticklish- AHHHHH!

...

y/n, I have something to tell you.

Mm? What is it?

...

Hello? Earth to Eric?

I... I love you. So much... and I can’t bear to see you go in May. 

Oh, Eric...

No, I- I don’t want you to stay- or even think about it, ‘cause, you have your priorities and I have mine y’know...

Mhm.

I just... I just wished we had more time. 

I do too. I really do.

...

Eric?

Hm?

I love you too.

...

...

...

[REC: MAY 1, 2019 - 4:23AM] SOLO LOG #10

1st May. 4...30? Am? I believe. Um, Eric’s sound asleep in his bed and I couldn’t sleep so I decided to do a log. 

...

I have... 3 weeks left. 4 weeks have gone past just like that, and I don’t know what to think about it. I came for a 50-day retreat. No stress, just myself and peace and quiet and tranquility and yet-

...

I- I don’t know if I can do this.

...

[REC: MAY 7, 2019 - 3:58PM] SOLO LOG #11

So, Eric’s in shoot right now and I’m on the way into the studio with some donuts and coffee to surprise him. I called his manager and asked if it was okay so- I’m pretty psyched to see his workspace. 

...

Hi, I’m y/n, I’m here to visit Eric?

Ah, okay! Hold on, let me just get you signed in with the pass-

Count me in!

You sure? This Saturday at the prep-party?

Yeah- Oh! 

Eric!

y/n! What are you doing here?

I wanted to surprise you. Am I... interrupting anything?

Oh, not at all!

You must be y/n! Eric’s told me so much about you!

Did he? And you are...?

I’m Chelsea! I’ve been attached to the same Calvin Klein contract he recently got, so you could say we’re colleagues!

Well, nice to meet you! Oh, right, these donuts and coffee are meant for you guys actually!

Oh! You’re too kind! Eric, you’re such a lucky man.

I know, she’s just... everything.

Anyway, thank you so much for these. I’ll bring them back down to the studio for the crew to share. But Eric’s pretty much done for the day actually, so you guys can leave if you want to!

Are you sure? Don’t you need help downstairs with the equipment?

No, no! It’s fine, there’re more than enough people downstairs. Go have your date, and maybe you can bring her along with you for the prep-party this weekend!

What’s the prep-party... preparing for?

Oh, you’re so adorable! It’s a prep-party for the end-of-May shoot we’re gonna have. it’s a collab with DAZED so it’s a pretty big project.

You never told me you were involved in a collab with DAZED.

I was gonna tell you today.

He has been pretty busy recently, maybe slipped his mind. Anyway, thank you so much for the donuts and I’ll hope to see you at the pier this Saturday, mm?

Yeah, sure. Thanks Chels.

No problem! It was so nice to meet you, y/n, I’ll see you Saturday!

Okay, bye!

Bye, Chelsea! It was nice to meet you!

Bye!

...

Sweet, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?

I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought you said you’d end pretty late?

The filming was cut short because the shots were better than expected so we ended early.

Oh, I wanted to film you while you were at work.

You have that on?

Yeah- why?

No, just wondering. 

Are you uncomfortable?

No, no, it’s just... I really didn’t expect you to come to the studio. 

...

[REC: MAY 11, 2019 - 11:12PM] SOLO LOG #12

It’s 11:12pm, 11th May, 2019. 11 days to departure.

...

I... saw... Chelsea and Eric... um, out by the garage- 

...

Well, I guess... it looked like they were just... having a really good talk. Or something. 

...

I left. I couldn’t watch it. So, I left without telling Eric. I did tell his boss that I wasn’t feeling well and I had to leave first. 

...

I guess this is the part where I regret it, isn’t it? Um... I don’t know... how... I’m gonna explain this to him when I see him again. Which is supposed to be- um- the rest of the night. I was supposed to go back to his place with him and I’ll stay for the weekend before I come back to pack my things, so-

...

y/n, are you home?

...

shit.

y/n, I know you’re home. I heard you talking. Open the door, I need to talk to you.

...

[REC: MAY 12, 2019 - 2:00AM] SOLO LOG #13

...

I look like shit, don’t I? God, my eyes hurt like a bitch. 

...

I don’t think I need to say what just happened for you to guess what just happened, right? This... says it all. 

...

Fuck. 

...

I shouldn’t have come here. How did- How did my retreat turn out- turn out like this? 

...

This is- This is too much. Too much in too short... of a time. 

...

I don’t think... I don’t think I can do it. Not anymore. 

...

[REC: MAY 19, 2019 - 9:59AM] SOLO LOG #14

It’s May 19th, 2019, almost 10am. I just came back from a morning walk by the beach just to... reminisce a little before I leave on Wednesday. 

...

I... haven’t seen Eric since the prep-party. I blocked him and I told him not to come over, though I think he has, like, a few times. I thought I heard someone come up to my door, but he never knocked. 

...

So, this is how it ends, huh? A 50-day romance cut short like that. Into about, 40? 

...

It’s crazy to think that I had... the experience of a whole relationship in 40 days. I definitely did not sign up for that when I booked this 50-day retreat. 

...

It was fun while it lasted, though. It was. I don’t think I’d find anybody else like Eric, and I guess it just sucks that it had to end like that. Things happen, right? That aren’t... in our control. 

...

...

...

[REC: MAY 21, 2019 - 8:07PM] SOLO LOG #15

May 21st. About 8pm. I leave in about 15 hours. 

...

All my stuff’s packed. Definitely more things to bring home than I brought here. Half of these things were bought by Eric and given to me. I’m... actually not sure if I should bring them back. 

...

I don’t- I just don’t think I’d have the heart to throw them away.

...

Nor look at them when I’m home. 

...

Should I even bring this camera home? Maybe I should wipe your memory before I bring you home, hmm?

...

It feels like a dream, doesn’t it? Everything that’s happened. It feels like a fever dream. Maybe when I’m finally home, I’d wake up and it’d be the day I come here.

...

Maybe.

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 10:03AM] SOLO LOG #16

-ny more luggage?

Nope.

Alright then, I think you’re all set. You still have about an hour’s time before the gates are open so you can get a cup of coffee or something, yeah?

Okay, thank you!

Have a nice flight ma’am.

Thanks.

...

Good evening ma’am, can I check your boarding pass?

Yeah, sure.

...

Okay, you’re good to go. Have a safe flight.

Thank you!

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 11:34AM] SOLO LOG #17

It is about 11.30am and I’m on the flight, and here’s the view outside. Sky’s pretty clear and this thing says that the weather’s great so, it should be a smooth flight without turbulence.

...

This is it. This is really it. 

...

...

...

Um-

Hi, ma’am, I’m gonna need you to keep your camcorder.

Oh! Yeah, sure, sure, sorry!

[REC: APRIL 2, 2020 - 12:48AM] ERIC LOG #1

Wow, this is... weird. How did you do this last year?

...

Um, hi. y/n. If you’re watching this then I’ve somehow managed to get this synced into your camera by some weird... bluetooth, iCloud shit that Felix helped me figure out. 

...

It’s been a year. And... I just thought you should... see this, or hear me out, at least. I know we didn’t end on the best terms... and I’m sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for being unreasonable for something that was... suspicious. I should’ve understood. 

...

I should’ve been there. To see you off. And I’m sorry I didn’t. I... was scared, that I wouldn’t be able to let you go if I went to send you off. I was a coward. I still am. 

...

But I do want you to know that... those 50 days were the best days of my life. Albeit it ended horribly, but nothing could... nothing- nothing will ever replace what happened last April. 

...

I said I love you and... I still do. Every day I think about you and your smile and your voice and- and I cry to sleep... worrying that I’d forget how you sound like, or how you laugh and how... how you smell like. My bed smelt like you even after you left. 

...

I just- I love you. And I miss you. And I’d do anything to go back to what we had. I’d do anything to get- to get you back. 

...

I’m sorry.

...

the clip comes to an automatic stop. the white triangle slapped onto the screen, begging you to play it again. you look up from the screen, watching the famous calvin klein ad that hasn’t stopped playing in the last month. 

he hasn’t changed one bit. not his hair, not his smile, not his voice. 

it’s a bittersweet pot of memory stashed in the back of your head when the memories flood back. looking back down at the camera, you count back the days - it was synced just last night. 

the pile of tissues by your thighs are carelessly huddled into the bin next to your feet, mentally berating yourself for going through the memory instead of formatting it. 

you stand, fingers shutting the screen back onto its body with a soft click. the tv blacks out when you press the red button on its remote. 

you’re halfway into your kitchen when there’s a knock at your door, and you immediately gasp, blinking rapidly.

“oh, it’s my fucking projector!”

rushing to the door, you don’t hesitate to get the door open. 

and yet, like the heavens were providing you with all the light to stop you from doubting yourself, your lungs empty themselves like vacuums. 

your heart stops.

your breathing stops.

“eric... what are you doing here?”

[btsandvmin]

Vmin fic rec - Canon compliant

So I got an ask quite a while ago, and considering I am an avid lover of canon compliant Vmin fics myself, it took way too long for me to answer this.

Thank you so much! <3 Like you I love canon Vmin fics, and have a bunch of them bookmarked...Actually there are over 100 in my bookmarks and since I don’t know if you wanted quailty or quantity I added most of them here. I simply searched for canon fics amongst my own bookmarks. That also means I likely missed some as I just searched based on the one tag “canon compliant” and not everyone might have used that tag.

Mind you this is in no particular order in how much I like them but rather from when I bookmarked them, some I love and others I like. Also, I don’t know your taste and standard, so I’m sorry if some of these aren’t for you. Also, I would include a description, but I think it’s easier and takes less space (aka I can add more fics) if I just add the link and you can check them out one by one. 

There are definitely NSFW ones in here, and honestly I probably can’t remember all of them too well as I simply went through the whole list without stopping to see what fics I had in my list. 

I hope you will find something you like here as canon Vmin truly are to die for. <3 I mean, they sometimes outdo fiction don’t they?

Check under the cut for 100+ Canon Vmin fics.

a space we're in together by hammersandstrings

ships in the night by albinococonut23

I'm in love with you, My Honeymoon by SilverLions

glow in the dark by bwimincore

a bed made and ready by smashthatlikebutton

an incident of fate (and dumplings) by majestaekim

Blue & Grey by imhereforvmin

settle down by as7erRisk

under the midnight sun by mistilteinn

life makes love look hard by yoontros

"Friends" by imhereforvmin

Just Soulmate Things by bangtanmirage

like an ancient sun by vastlyunknown

honesty is beautiful (like you, darling) by IGotJams95

Cuddle Buddies by teamkimseokjin (closetfairy)

an excerpt of love by vmxns

made visible by yeongwonhanrain (pudgypanda)

The Beginning of Forever by adidasjungkook

fast track by latertater (vmincrumb)

Counting The Beat by TracksDifferent

basic instinct by taekmindown

the brightest part by latertater (vmincrumb)

my heart is pounding tonight by chlexcer

Like Vines by TracksDifferent

Mandu Incident by VMINSaranghae

Friends by smolkook

The Other Side by Serendipitous_VMin

The Greatest Declaration of Love by Serendipitous_VMin

5000 days, 5000 ways by mistilteinn

A Nameless Bird That Sings by afraidtocare

deep in our bones (i know you) by ninefives (vmxns)

rest your bones (with me) by firebreathe

stay (you are my soulmate) by starlit_tae

Helping Hands by fandomfab16

Friends? by sweetnight_vm

Friends by rabbitfur

Friends by justpromisemin

in the space between the words by jardin (huayuan)

love is no big truth by venusghost

bro shut up i'm trying to find your gspot by namginut

Friends by PeaceFanfics for pjm_prmise

stay by momjoon (NogitsuneStiles)

Friends by Love_yourself_12

Bad Habits by 1995soulmates_coms (orphan_account)

taehyung's leash incidents by Anonymous

Mikrokosmos by imhereforvmin

Then There Was Malta by TracksDifferent

irritated by minblush

We're a perfect match (perfect somehow) by tang_jin_jaem

Map of the Soul: vmin by imhereforvmin

Secret Love Song by whatareliefwehaveeachother

twenty-one minutes. by naturallyvante

the start of something new by cryptonomica

all i wanna do (is drive home to you) by glossedmouth

3, 2, 1 by Serendipitous_VMin

Tiptoeing Over The Edge by vminthough

As Sweet As Sea Salt by vminthough

You're hurting too 'cause you're mine by escribeloquequieras

Show Me Yours by eron_less

these stars in your eyes by vmxns

Pressure of Light by timesuck2000

95z by alittleharder

Taehyung's Non-proposal by apocryphalic

there's something between us, anyway by chlexcer

any stranger i choose by hyalinos

Stigma by Manek

base coat by jeonbenet for makesomelove

When you move (I move) by jwimin-ssi (abaegel)

Maybe I'm In Love With You by VantaeKimTaehyung

every drop counts because of you by IGotJams95

you got your name in lights by pettey

those goddamn pants by orphan_account

It’s my mouth Kim Taehyung, I’ll do with it what I want by happily_missy

dance with the one that brought you by brendonurie

what am i gonna do, say no? by naturallyvante

i just want to kiss the stars by IGotJams95

Asking For It by Peppermintprism

The Perils of Dating Park Jimin by softbangtanboys

wanna end up on you by vastlyunknown

Why are you crying (You and I are the only ones here) by kkyufms (halo_dean)

just like a tattoo (i'll always have you) by cypherkooks

More Than Yesterday by 1995soulmates

contact by loveismore

beautiful thing by loverslight

A List on You by blithevmin

what ifs and whens by billykaplan

let's get going by gangbang

Sticky Sweet by x______o (orphan_account)

Three Sixty Five by orphan_account

two weeks by buichim

Bossy by CheekyBrunette

Keeping Score by 1995soulmates

Act Natural by orphan_account

With You By My Side(s), My Love Won't Go To "Waist" by btsax (znks)

4 O'Clock by Awalk66

Lovesick by orphan_account

Eclipse by orphan_account

here comes the rush (before we touch) by knth

tonight, the world is blue by vmxns

summer days and daisy dukes (wow, look at you) by vmxns

Ask Me Anything by Trilluvium

Unbothered by sugarlizard

how to confess to your best friend on April Fools' (hint: you don't) by blurbluefrog (ForestFish)

friends help each other by minblush

kissing up on fences (and up on walls, i don't want to fall) by bonnia

Can I Have This Dance? by SevenSoulmates

Your love was handmade for somebody like me by tangowithsuga

crashing waves by autumnleavxs

A Fault In My Structure by Zee

till the ocean is folded and hung up to dry (i'll love you, dear) by orphan_account

trust that particular flavor by pettey for parksinbloom

At Last (my love has come along) by orphan_account

for him by mellzmallow

best of me by firejimin for for chels! i hope i didn’t disappoint ctfu

Intro: Going to Lose my Mind by VanishedElf 

you make me wonder sometimes (all the time) by minblush

we don’t believe what’s on tv by chahans

out of the woodwork by lvlyvmin

Through dozens of skies by mecchayabai (this is a personal favorite of mine, I love the concept mixed with canon Vmin)

I also got another ask about fics, and if you want more Vmin I made a Huge Vmin fic rec that you can check out. Hope you will find something you like. :)

If you want a rec with my favorites I could always do a much shorter one... Or you can check my previous rec post (above) for canon compliant ones as I was more picky when I made that list. 

Also here is a short little drabble that I wrote...  Do you write Vmin fics? Yes, and here is a small drabble. (Which reminds me I should also write on my own Canon Vmin fic I’ve been working on but neglecting in favor of writing analysis. T__T)

Again, thank you so much for this ask. And as another canon loving fic reader let’s hope our lovely Vmin writers keep providing us with new ones. :) <3

[everybodyscupoftea]

april fools

pike jj x reader ft. cody and tyler

the boys do their best to prank you

happy april fools folks. consider this my prank :)

warnings: cursing, not edited, video game violence (?)

You knew it was going to be a weird one when you woke up after JJ the morning of April 1. Admittedly you forgot, barely keeping up with the dates anymore with your senior year winding down, so when you checked your phone and saw a text from your sister about a pregnancy scare, you figured it out.

Before getting out of bed, you sent back, a pregnancy scare before 9 a.m.? amateur hour

JJ was moving around in the kitchen, so you sat up, shivering when the blanket was gone and the AC hit your bare arms. You walked to the closet for a sweatshirt and froze when the door opened, all your clothes gone.

Blinking a few times as if they’d appear, your jaw dropped. Obviously JJ had done it, but how long had he been awake to completely clear it out without you waking up? Where the hell had he put it all?

“JJ,” you called out.

All movement in the kitchen stopped as he yelled back, “What’s up?”

“Where are my clothes?”

It sounded like he was fighting a smile, “What?”

“My clothes, where did you put them?”

Your lips twitched, fighting a smile, when he appeared in the doorway, visibly pleased with himself. He played innocent, “Whatever do you mean?”

“All of my clothes are gone.”

JJ hummed, “You sure?”

Stepping aside, you dramatically waved your arm at the empty closet to get his attention, “I’m positive.”

“Emperor’s new clothes type beat,” he replied, ignoring the empty closet completely as he turned on his heel and went back to the kitchen. Before he was fully out of your vision, he called over his shoulder, “Hungry?”

You sighed, resigning yourself to your fate, “Yeah, I could go for food.”

To your surprise, he actually cooked for the two of you, sliding a steaming mug of coffee across the counter before he went back to whatever he’d been doing when you interrupted him. After a few seconds, you walked away and grabbed one of the blankets draped over the couch to wrap around yourself to block out the strong AC blowing through the living room.

“Cold?” JJ asked when he looked back at you.

“Mhmm,” you hummed, “I wanted a sweatshirt.”

“I’m sure there’s one in your closet.”

You snorted, “You are so lame. This prank is so dumb.”

“Not a prank. Why would I prank you?”

“Oh my god,” you muttered, “I’ll get you back, Maybank.”

“I just don’t know what you’re talking about,” he answered, passing a plate of eggs and toast to you. 

The two of you ate mostly in silence, your head leaning on his shoulder, when he sat down on the stool next to yours. It was comfortable, and you felt your eyes shutting again, not originally planning to wake up as early as you did. 

“Tired?” he asked quietly.

You hummed, gripping onto his shirt after another lazy bite, “Little bit.”

“Why’d you get up?”

“Thought it was later than it was ‘cause you were gone.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

“S’okay.”

“Wanna take a nap?” he asked, shifting slightly to make his shoulder more accessible to you.

You exhaled heavily, “Nah, I should wake up, I’ll be okay.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

He reached across his body to tap your nose gently, “We could get dressed and go for a walk.”

Thinking for a few seconds, you nodded, “Yeah, let’s do that. I need clothes though.”

“I’ll grab you some,” he reassured.

You grinned victoriously as he walked over to your roommate’s closed door. She’d stayed the night at her boyfriend’s and had clearly given him a key to her room to store your clothes in for the day.

“You gave that up much quicker than I thought,” you gloated.

“Yeah, well, it was a pretty dumb prank.”

With a head shake, you rested your chin in your hand, “No, I liked it. It was very you.”

He smiled, “I knew you’d like it. Cody said you wouldn’t, but I knew.”

“I’d hope you know me better.”

“I’m going to text him and tell him you said that.”

You snorted and shook your head, amused at his antics. He was ridiculous, but you loved him.

-

Cody texted you at 1:30 exactly that he was there to pick you up, and you grabbed your booksack before heading down to his car. The two of you had made plans to work on homework at the library together.

He was parked next to your car, right outside the entrance to your building, and you smiled, tugging the passenger door open, only to pause when Tyler was sitting in the driver’s seat, not Cody.

“Um, hey,” you greeted, confused, and looked down at your phone to double check that it had, in fact, been Cody that texted you.

“What’s up,” Tyler returned, turning the music down slightly as you hesitantly got in the car, buckling up.

He drove toward the library without explanation, so you finally asked, “So, where’s Cody?”

“Who?”

“Okay,” you trailed off, more confused, “why aren’t you driving your car?”

Tyler shrugged, “Didn’t feel like it.”

Furrowing your eyebrows, you spoke slowly, trying to work it out, “Did we have plans today?”

“Library to study,” Tyler answered as you thought he would, so you checked your phone again, scrolling through you and Cody’s texts.

“Yeah, I made those plans with Cody.”

“No you didn’t. I don’t even know who that is,” he rebutted, unconcerned.

“I have the text right here.”

Tyler snorted, “It’s easy to fake texts.”

You knew what was going on, especially after JJ’s “prank” so you shrugged, leaning back into the seat, trying your best to figure it out. After a few minutes of thinking, you sighed, “Okay, I don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“What’s the point of this one? You aren’t pretending to be Cody, so what’s the point?”

“The point of what? Aren’t we going to study? Plus, I don’t even know a Cody, and I certainly don’t want to pretend to be one.”

“I don’t,” you rubbed your forehead, “okay.”

He found a parking spot near the library entrance and got out, grabbing his booksack from the back seat, all while you sat still, mind still whirling. Tyler raised his eyebrows, “You coming? I wanna fit a bunch in before we leave for dinner.”

“Where are we going?”

“We’re getting burritos,” Tyler answered, sounding excited. It confused you again, Cody being the bigger burrito fan out of the two of them.

You relented, “Okay, sounds great.”

The library was fairly empty, and he found an empty study room with a whiteboard for the two of you to sit. He took immediate control of the markers and started working through something in one of his programming classes.

He wrote silently, the only sounds in the room were your typing and his squeaking when he pressed a little too hard on the marker. It was comforting, and you fell into the reading you were doing for your sales class.

It wasn’t until your stomach started to growl that you stopped, slamming your laptop shut while your eyes swam a bit from all the reading you’d done. Tyler capped his marker and spun around to look at you.

“Hungry?”

“Very.”

He nodded, “Same, let’s go get food.”

You were packing up before he finished talking, and Tyler laughed. He took his time, messing with you, and you sighed, “Ty, can you please go faster?”

“Who?”

“Oh my god,” you muttered, “are you actually pretending to be Cody?”

“I’m not.”

“Okay, then who are you?”

“JJ’s my name,” he answered confidently.

“Right,” you bit the inside of your cheek, “now I’m really confused.”

“Confused about what?”

“I don’t know what you’re doing.”

“We’re getting burritos,” he answered, tone in his words that sounded very close to an unspoken ‘duh’ and you bristled at his defensiveness, far too tired to figure it out what the hell he was doing.

“The three of you are being weird.”

Tyler squinted at you, confused, and you rolled your eyes. If anything you could get a free burrito out of it which would absolutely make up for all the confusion they were putting you through that day.

-

Tyler brought you to the house instead of back to your apartment, and you shrugged, unbothered. JJ’s car was there, so you could just go chill in his room if nothing else. When you got inside, the smell of chocolate smacked you in the face, and you knew Cody had been baking.

You followed as Tyler beelined to the kitchen, an eager look on his face. Cody was standing there, apron wrapped around his waist with a closed container in front of him, likely containing the dessert you were smelling.

He waved, “Hey guys! Want a brownie?”

“God yes,” Tyler groaned.

Cody’s lips twitched and you steeled yourself for disappointment, already reading the look in his eyes. He waved you over and opened the container slightly for both of you to reach in and take one. 

You weren’t sure what you were expecting, maybe for him to have altered the taste, but you weren’t expecting to feel nothing. Confused, you reached around until you hit the bottom of the container, feeling something sliding under your fingers.

“What the hell?” Tyler muttered, clearly feeling what you were.

Cody was shaking, trying to hold in his laughter as you took hold of whatever it was and pulled your hand out. You groaned when you looked at the paper. Tyler looked over and took in the cut out of the letter E, sloppily colored brown in colored pencil.

“I hate you so goddamn much,” Tyler pouted.

“Do you have some in the oven or something?” you asked, not giving up hope just yet.

He smirked, “You are smelling a candle my friends.”

“Fuck you,” Tyler muttered, stomping off to his room.

You laughed at his response and reached out to knock Cody’s shoulder, “That’s the best one today, bud.”

“Yes!” he cheered, “I knew I could do it!”

His words reminded you of JJ’s from earlier that day, and you rolled your eyes, realizing what they’d done.

“Did the three of you really have a competition to see who could prank me best?”

Cody nodded eagerly, “We absolutely did, and you just won me $100.” 

“Oh my god,” you muttered, “I hate you all. I’ve been so confused all day.”

“I told them, you just gotta keep it simple,” he informed you.

You bit your lip, “I won’t ask for a cut of your winnings if you actually make me brownies.”

“Oh, deal,” he responded, immediately jumping into action.

With a smile, you pinched his cheek, “Thanks, bestie. I’m going to find JJ, text me when they’re done.”

-

JJ was sitting at the foot of his bed, playing a video game, when you walked into his room. He smiled and tilted his head up, asking for a kiss, and you gave him one, dropping down next to him afterward.

“Hey,” he whispered, setting his controller down.

“Hey,” you answered, “I think you owe Cody $50.”

His face dropped, “God damnit.”

“Sorry, bud.”

“It’s alright,” he sighed, “his prank was pretty good. He got me too.”

“I’ll give you one of my consolation brownies.”

JJ perked up immediately as the round of his game finished, “Fuck yes.”

Before you could respond, he turned away, waiting for the next one to start, and you settled down next to him, leaning forward to rest your elbows on your knees to watch.

“What is this?”

“Valorant.”

“You don’t play this one very often.”

He bit his lip, concentrating, and answered distractedly, “Yeah, I just started like two months ago.”

When he died, he sighed, grip tightening around the controller in frustration, and you squeezed his shoulder, “Looks complicated.”

“It’s not so bad,” he admitted, “but I’m playing a different character than usual.”

“You playing with randoms?”

“Nah, some of the brothers,” JJ told you before perking up, “wait, do you wanna prank them?”

Leaning back, you weren’t sure what the fuck he was suggesting, “Um, maybe?”

“Play in my place for the rest of the game. I’m about to de-rank anyway because they suck.”

“Show me,” you answered, actually excited. He muted and explained the controls and the role to you while playing through a round to show you. As soon as it ended, another team loss, he passed over his headset and the controller.

“Should I unmute?” you asked him as the buy period ended.

“Up to you,” he answered, almost getting drowned out by one of the brothers barking orders. You bit your lip and decided to try a round on mute first before doing anything else. It went better than you thought, you even managed to get a kill, and JJ was impressed.

“Okay, definitely unmute and just pretend like nothing is different.”

You laughed and hit the button on his discord voice chat, unmuting yourself. One of the brothers asked JJ a question, and you answered, buying him the gun he asked for. The boys went silent, and you didn’t say anything else as the round started.

“Right,” one of them trailed off, “I’m going A. Maybank go B like last time, it worked.”

You played another round, winning again, and they started to get more excited. No one asked what was going on, and they kept calling you Maybank, screaming when they finally managed to tie it up at 10. 

JJ was cheering too, clutching onto your thigh tightly as you leaned forward, focused, tongue sticking out slightly. It started to feel more natural, you getting the hang of it, and you even managed to win a 1v1, putting your team up 11-10.

“Oh my fuck, I might not de-rank,” JJ hissed, voice cracking in his excitement.

“Shush,” you whispered back, “I’m focusing.”

���Right,” he backed away, hands up, “sorry, carry on.”

The next few rounds were intense, going back and forth until you finally clutched it out, killing the last two guys on the other team to finally win the game.

“YES!” one of the guys screamed into his headset, “Fucking awesome, Maybank...or whoever you are!”

“Holy shit!” JJ yelped next to you, yanking you into a tight hug. You laughed, tossing the remote to the side and left the Discord call so he could kiss you. When he pulled away, he beamed, “Wow, you’re so much cooler than me.”

“I know,” you teased, squeezing his shoulder.

“Now that was the best prank,” he said, “I’m giving you $50 for that.”

“No need, just let me know when you’re about to de-rank again and I’ll save your ass.”

JJ laughed, head tossed back, “Will do, sweetheart. Will do.”

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Twitter ー Subaru Sakamaki [2020 Compilation]

–> This post includes all tweets posted on the official Rejet Twitter account for Subaru Sakamaki (@DialoverSubaruS) in 2020.

Shuu l Reiji l Ayato l Kanato l Laito l Ruki l Kou l Yuma l Azusa l Carla l Shin l Kino

February 14, 2020 (Valentine’s Day)

> As if!

> I was helping Kou.

> No matter how you look at it, that amount is overkill

> Just how many did that guy get!?

March 14, 2020 (White Day)

> Returning the favor from Valentine’s Day is such a hassle

> Oi, don’t look so sad. I never said I wouldn’t do it. I’ve got something prepared

> I don’t think I can thank you for everything you’ve done with this one measly gift though. That’s just how grateful I am to you for being my by my side, always supporting me

> From here on out…No, never leave my side. Got it?

April 1, 2020 (April Fools)

> Stay away from the basement. If you come here, I’ll destroy your phone and lock you up forever. #AprilFools

May 3, 2020

> Is this the video Kou was makin’ a fuss ‘bout?

> Ayato’s eatin’ takoyaki.

> Ridiculous. Just ignore this shit.

> Well, guess I’ll let Reiji know just in case.

May 29, 2020

> Don’t make me wait.

> Dog.

> Guess I have no other choice.

June 24, 2020

> Hehehe...Come on, take a look. You’re covered in my bite marks from head to toe. Are you happy?

> This feels great. If I mark you like this, it’ll be clear who you belong to at first glance. Those other jerks won’t try and make a move on you either.

> But it’s not enough just yet. I’ll mark you even more. This side of your hips is up next...Nn.

> ...Haah, nice reaction. Does it feel that good? Or is it ‘cause you like me?

> Tell me. I want to hear the truth from your mouth.

Juy 7, 2020 (Tanabata)

> I want to hide my coffin somewhere nobody will be able to find it. #TanabataWishes

August 25, 2020

> Again?

> Now somebody wrote ‘matabaru’ on my coffin.

--> In a previous year, somebody wrote ヌバル or ‘nubaru’ on his coffin. The Katakana for ヌ and ス are quite similar after all. This time, somebody wrote 又バル which is also still somewhat similar to スバル but straying away from the correct answer even more. The character can be read as ‘mata’, hence my translation.

> Isn’t it gettin’ worse?

> My name’s Subaru.

October 16, 2020

> Oi.

> Who did this?

> Who took my drink!?

> Don’t be complainin’ after drinkin’ someone else’s stuff without permission! Buy me a new one!

October 20, 2020 (DL x Mayla Classic)

> You’re at the Church again, huh?

> Che. Whatever, come here. We’re returnin’ to the manor.

> I-I came to fetch you here ‘cause there’s somethin’ I want to give you…! On top of that, those bastards have been movin’ said present from one place to another, I’ve been lookin’ for it this whole time. However, I finally found it.

> Ah? What? You were lookin’ for it as well? Whatever. I’ll hand it to you.

> You can return before me. I…Well…I have some stuff to prepare so I’ll join you afterwards. …Why does it matter what this ‘stuff’ is!? Whatever, just hurry up and go!

> When you’re back, wait there. You remember the place we danced together, right?

> Wait for me there. Understood?

October 31, 2020 (Halloween)

> Trick or Treat. You know what I want, right? Tsk...Don’t look my way! Shit, don’t make me fuckin’ say it out loud...!

November 4, 2020 (Birthday)

> I’m surprised you haven’t gotten sick of doin’ this every year. Do you enjoy celebratin’ my birthday that much? ...Oi, don’t look my way! I’m not happy or anythin’! ...It’s just, I guess celebratin’ it is not that bad knowin’ you’ll smile for me, that’s all. Whatever. You’ve prepared somethin’ right? Guess I’ve got no other choice but to take a look at it then. Let’s go. 

November 17, 2020

> Fuck off

> Don’t lose your shit just ‘cause I stepped on your damn chocolates.

> I’m not the one who dropped it on the floor

> Don’t complain when I bought you a new one!

December 18, 2020

> ...I’m not worried about you feelin’ cold or anythin’! So don’t get all happy just ‘cause I’m holdin’ your hand...! You’re makin’ me embarrassed!

December 19, 2020

> I don’t know shit ‘bout drinks, so you can just choose whatever. ...You’re gonna go for that one? I don’t mind but, it’s kind of like you’re choosin’ me...No, nothin’! Forget what I said just now! Anyway, just hurry up and place your order. So none of the other drinks catch your eye. 

December 24, 2020 (Christmas)

> Ah? You prepared a present for me? Che...No way Vampires would celebrate Christmas though...Ah, whatcha gettin’ all sad for!? Hear me out till the end! I was just ‘bout to say that it makes no sense, but I’d still be happy receivin’ somethin’ from you. Geez, don’t make me say it twice!

[cakemousse]

2021 Creator Self-Love Extravaganza!

thanks @emsylcatac for the tag! never done a tag game before, much less such a unique one, so i'll try

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2021. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love! <3

it's my first time/year writing and i honestly didn't expect myself to write 9 fics when i first started out in March, so here's 5 personal favs?? in no particular order:

Poisson d’Avril this was a piece i wrote and published in a few hours after learning about France's concept of April Fool's in class! this fic almost didn't see the light of day until a year later because by the time i ended class, half the day was already gone... until i realised the rest of the world was still on the 1st of April, so i wrote it on the way home et voilà ! it was also my 2nd piece ever so i was pleasantly surprised by how i was able to write it down rather quickly ^^

Unstained identity reveal through Adrien almost getting akumatised; basically my dream turned into a fic. and uh, its not a long fic but it was something for me cause i literally wrote this fic for that one scene in my dream and had to write and publish as i go

cataclysmic creations just, marichat being stupid. it was a gift for @miabrown007 and i actually had a fancomic drawn for another fandom which i could see totally working for this pair. the only challenge for me was how to convey everything from a comic to a fic. and ngl, i thought people were gonna scoff at how ridiculous it was, but was glad that that didn't happened :3

this is us trying what can i say other than this is the longest piece i've written to date? also it's for ladynoir july 🐞🐾

with you, everything and nothing makes sense another gift for a friend, but this time its adrinette. due to unforeseen circumstances, i spent way lesser time on this than intended and wasn't writing it with full focus. when i was done, i quickly moved on to another cause that was more urgent. anyway, when i finally got back to this for editing, i went "how the heck did i even write this??" like wow. i made words work, and i had no idea how. also, this was slightly spicy out of the normal things i write so 👉👈

tagging @miabrown007 @jjuuppiter and anyone else who wants to do this! (no pressure, just have fun :D)

[jmbringitonworld]

The IdioT Crowd

I have, like, a dozen other things I should be working on, but I wrote this instead, because I wanted to write something fun and completely silly for April Fool's Day. Real life's been rough lately, so I need some levity rn.

This is my fanfic version of a shitpost for April Fool's. It’s a parody of that one episode of the IT Crowd (a British comedy show that I watched and adored years ago), where one of the guys gets trapped underneath a desk. It’s the only episode that has really stuck in my mind for all these years, even though I’ve forgotten much of the show (including the characters’ names!), but I don’t want to look it up, in case it influences me too much when I write this, so I’m going entirely off of memory. The ONLY context for this oneshot you get, is that Nightmare, Dream and Ink are volunteering at an office for a day, while their wives (various, vastly different versions of Frisk) are at a spa. DO NOT take any of this at all seriously. I mean it, this is just for fun and laughs.

Ink was created by Comyet (aka Mye Bi) Dream and Nightmare were created by Joku

AO3 link for those who prefer to read fics there.

__________________________________________________

While he always strived to retain his natural positivity and remain optimistic, Dream couldn’t deny that he was feeling a little... worried. Unlike his brother, Nightmare, and his friend, Ink, both of whom were kept very busy carrying out their assigned duties, scrutinising the Company’s records and running errands, respectively, Dream hadn’t yet been required to do anything. Nevertheless, he couldn’t shake his concerns regarding the IT job he was given. He had no experience whatsoever with electronics, computing, or technology in general. He was only a Sans in body and code, after all, and lacked their scientific mind. The actual IT specialist working for the Company had assured him that 99% of all the problems he might encounter, could be solved by asking “have you tried turning it off and on again?” and “have you checked if it’s plugged in properly?”, before he’d hurriedly left on his vacation, offering no other advice than that. Which... wasn’t great, admittedly, but Dream had dealt with far worse situations before, and had always managed to pull through in the end, so he could certainly handle one day working an office job, surely. He would be fine!

As if to contradict him, the phone on his desk suddenly rang, causing Dream to startle badly, almost tumbling off his chair. Recovering his balance, he picked up the phone and answered with a confidence he didn’t feel.

“Hello! Dre-uh, IT department, how can I help?”

“My computer isn’t working,” an irritated female-sounding voice responded. “I need you to come up here and fix it.”

Dream winced at her tone and tried to recall the advice he’d been given.

“Oh, um, h-have you tried turning it off and on again?”

“Yes, it still isn’t working,” the voice sounded increasingly frustrated, and Dream wished his aura of positivity worked over the phone.

“Have you checked-”

“Look, I need to go right now,” the voice interrupted him, having clearly lost her patience. “Can you just come up here to my office to take a look at it in person? Thanks.”

Without waiting for a response, the person on the other end rattled off her computer’s location, then hung up, leaving Dream scrambling to write it all down. Well, that could’ve gone better, he thought, but at least the office building was easy to navigate, despite its size, and, with some luck, maybe the problem was one he could actually solve. And if he couldn’t, then he had many friends he could contact for advice. Confidence renewed, Dream shot off a quick text to Nightmare and Ink, letting them know where he was, before making his way to the elevator.

When he’d reached the office in question, it was to find the room completely deserted. All of the desks had been pushed together, the computer monitors positioned on top, all around the edges, and the CPUs, with all of their wires and plugs, were shoved underneath the desks, in the very centre. Dream checked each monitor, until he found a note stuck to one, reading “fix this one, thanks”. There was nothing obviously wrong with it, so he followed its cables, crawling underneath the desks until he reached the power strip in the middle, where he found the relevant plug lying on the floor, out of its socket. Someone had clearly unplugged the computer, for whatever reason, and then forgotten to plug it back in.

Dream sighed. He was relieved that it had turned out to be a simple problem, with an easy fix. Still, he could feel mild annoyance bubble up within him at the thought that, if the woman had only let him finish speaking, she’d have found the problem all on her own. Dream resisted his instinctive urge to squash that bit of negativity. If he wanted his brother to embrace his positive feelings, then Dream needed to do the same with his own negative feelings.

It only took a few seconds’ effort to reinsert the plug back into the socket. Job done, Dream was about to make his way back out from under the desk, when the door opened and the room was filled with noise, as a group of women, both human and monster, all with chartreuse eyes hidden behind glasses of various styles, entered the office, chatting loudly to each other.

“Hey, did that temp guy manage to fix your PC?” one of them asked another.

“Oh! He actually did! It turns on again,” the voice from the earlier phone call replied.

“Huh. I guess those weirdos are more reliable than they look.”

Dream blinked. What was that supposed to mean ? Did... did he seem unreliable? He knew his and the others’ appearances were rather... unique, but he’d always tried to project the image of a confident and capable protector of good, and people had always relied on him and looked to him for guidance and support in their time of need. He hadn’t been dismissed so casually since his early days after having been freed from his stone prison.

While Dream stewed in self-doubt at the awkward conversation, the office workers had retaken their seats around the desk.

“Right, break time’s over, ladies! Headphones on and back to work!”

After a chorus of agreement, the room fell silent. Dream looked around for a clear path to the exit, but found himself surrounded by a wall of legs (and the occasional tail). He hesitated, debating with himself on what to do. He couldn’t very well touch any of these women’s bare legs, that would be highly inappropriate and they might freak out. What would they think of him? Besides, he was married; the only female legs he ever wanted to touch were his wife’s. At a loss, he hesitantly spoke up.

“U-Um, e-excuse me? Uh, I’m still down here. H-Hello? Anyone?”

He received no reply. No one could hear him, with their headphones on. He tried again, lightly knocking on the underside of the desk. Still nothing. Dread started to claw its way into his soul.

“Uh oh.”

~~~

Ink finally returned to his office for a break, after having been run ragged all morning, carrying out various menial tasks and errands. It was tiring work, but he enjoyed being kept busy; there was nothing worse than sitting around, alone, doing nothing, after all. Although, he would never have to worry about that, ever again, now that he was married (him! Married! He was actually married ! After years of looking on with envy, as all of the other outcodes, even Error of all people, fell in love and got married, he now finally had a loving wife and partner of his own, to share his, no longer lonely and empty, life with).

Ink threw himself into his chair with a contented sigh. He took out his phone, having previously left it muted, and checked his messages, to find that Dream had sent him over a dozen texts. Raising his browbone, he opened them up and felt horror gradually fill him as he read through them all. Wasting no more time, he rushed out the door and to his friend’s rescue.

Skidding to a halt outside the office door, he cautiously peered inside. He quickly located Dream, sitting very uncomfortably underneath the large desk, who immediately spotted him and waved to him, giving him the most pleading look Ink had ever seen his friend wear. Without a second thought, Ink opened the door and stepped into the room, waving at its occupants to catch their attention. Turning towards him, the group of women all took off their headphones and gave him annoyed frowns, identical yellow-green eyes flashing with irritation at the interruption.

“What do you want, temp boy?” a cat monster literally hissed at him, her ears and tail flicking agitatedly.

“My name’s Ink,” he tried not to flinch at the grumbled “who cares”, before rapidly looking around for something that would give him an excuse to get the women away from their desk. “I, uh, came here to... erm... tell you guys, er, about... window!” he exclaimed upon catching sight of a nearby window. He dashed toward it and animatedly gestured outside. “There’s something you all have to see outside the window! Right now!”

“What is it? This thing we just have to see?” a human woman raised an eyebrow at him, clearly unconvinced. Ink barely contained a grimace.

“It’s, uh, something you have to see for yourself! But it’s really cool! Indescribably cool! I’ve been to loads of amazing places during my travels, and have seen many wondrous sights, but this definitely tops them all, so please come over here, and look out the window. Now , please, before this really cool sight is gone forever,” he urged them all, desperation slowly leaking into his voice.

“Sure, whatever,” a monster who seemed to be made of blue electricity waved him off dismissively, turning back to her computer screen. “The only cool sight I’m interested in seeing, is my pay check at the end of the month. Which I’ll only get if I actually finish my work. So please leave, temp guy, and stop distracting me from my job.”

Her coworkers all echoed her opinion, and turned back to their monitors, resuming their work and effectively dismissing Ink’s presence. The skeleton monster tried to protest and grab their attention once more, but was only met with disinterest at best, and hostility at worst. Not knowing what else to do, and growing overwhelmed from the, still very new, emotions swirling around within him, Ink reluctantly made his retreat, shooting Dream an apologetic look and shrugging at him helplessly. Dream sunk down to the floor in disappointment and frustration, burying his skull in his hands.

Ink paced around outside the office, wracking his mind for a solution to his and his friend’s current dilemma. Despite now having a soul of his very own, he found himself no closer to understanding other people’s thoughts and emotions, than he did without it. He used to think he knew people well (or at least, well enough to predict and manipulate them), but now he was realising more and more how wrong he was. And his new emotional state wasn’t helping much either. Real emotions were very different from ink-fabricated ones; they were much more intense and vivid , and utterly outside of his control, they’d appear and disappear without warning, suddenly seizing him and refusing to let go when he least expected it. It was very... inconvenient.

Still, Ink conceded, these feelings weren’t all bad. Many were actually really, truly wonderful. Especially all those concerning his wife. Ink felt a smile make its way onto his face, as a gentle, pleasant warmth rose, unbidden, from the depths of his rainbow soul, washing away all his previous worries. Indeed, love alone was worth every troublesome feeling which now plagued him. His Frisk, his Sun, his wife was worth everything and more. She never failed to light his way with her sunshine, just like her adoptive, divine Mother did for her people. If Sunny were here right now, she’d know what to do to help Dream.

Ink closed his eyes as he imagined what his wife would say and do, in his position. Sunny always believed that people were stronger together, that with the help of others, you could achieve miracles. She’d always firmly asserted that she’d never have been able to complete her journey, nor win her fight against evil, if it weren’t for the constant support of her friends and allies. So, then, what allies did Ink have to rely on? Well, he did have plenty of friends he could call on, but none who could reach him at this time, in this isolated place. The only person with him right now, besides Dream, was... Nightmare.

Ink paused. Would... would Nightmare be able to help them out? No, scratch that, would he even want to help them? They had been bitter enemies for so long, after all, and that kind of enmity was hard to erase. And while it was true that the pseudo-Guardian of Negativity had changed, somewhat, thanks to his friendship with that odd child, Calibri, and his marriage to his Frisk (Brightmare, as she’d gleefully insisted on being called, despite, or perhaps because of Nightmare’s distaste for the nickname), he still wasn’t what anyone would call a “good person”. Furthermore, while it was also true that he and Dream had reconciled, for the most part, their relationship would never be as it once was, and the two brothers weren’t exactly close either, though they both seemed to be working to change that. So, would Nightmare be willing to go out of his way to help his once-hated brother out of a tight spot?

Well , Ink thought, as he drew himself up, clenching his fists in determination, only one way to find out . And with that, he marched towards the temporary office of his former foe.

~~~

Nightmare’s assigned office was blissfully quiet, only the soft scritch, scratch of pen on paper could be heard, as the dark being went over the Company’s extensive paperwork. It wasn’t the most exciting of tasks, especially given how thorough and meticulous the record keepers were, but there was a certain soothing quality to the methodical way he went over the documents, perusing the substantial information contained in each file, and making sure all of the figures were correct. He’d not encountered any discrepancies so far, a testament to how structured and organised the Company administration was, but he remained vigilant of any potential mistakes. He always took his work seriously, after all, unlike some of his subordinates, he grumbled to himself.

There was a loud knock on his door, before, without waiting for his reply, it flung open to reveal Ink. Speaking of blithe underlings , Nightmare growled under his breath and shot a baleful glare at his brother’s colleague. Ink ignored the look and marched straight towards him, slamming his hands on Nightmare’s desk.

“Dream’s in big trouble and he needs your help!”

Nightmare blinked at his outburst, before frowning in bewilderment as Ink’s words registered in his skull. What? Ink then proceeded to explain the most ridiculous fiasco Nightmare had ever heard of. At the end of his speech, Ink clapped his hands together in front of him and gave Nightmare a look of earnest appeal.

“So you see, Nightmare, we need to do something to get Dream out of that situation! And we need to be stealthy about it, too! Dream’s been stuck down there so long, that if anyone were to discover him now, they’d think he was some terrible pervert or something! It’d be awful ! We cannot let that happen to him!”

Nightmare stared at him for a beat, before closing his eye and bringing his hands up to rub at his temples. He could feel a headache coming on, thanks to the utter nonsense he was hearing.

“I can’t believe that I ever  thought that you incompetent imbeciles were actually a credible threat to me.”

Ink gave him an affronted look.

“Hey! We’re both very capable heroes!”

Nightmare gave him the most deadpan look of disbelief he could.

“... My brother is currently trapped underneath a desk, because he’s too polite to cause a scene, and you’re too socially inept to convince a group of females to leave their work for ten seconds. ”

Ink opened and closed his mouth several times, as he struggled to come up with a good retort, before completely deflating when he found none, pouting sullenly.

“... So, are you gonna help Dream or not?”

Nightmare heaved a massive, put-upon sigh, rubbing his nasal bone in aggravation.

“Fine. But only because this whole debacle would reflect poorly on me . If this mess did not affect either myself or my reputation in any way, then I assure you that I would gladly leave Dream to his fate!”

“Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever you say,” Ink rolled his mismatched eyelights, clearly not believing him. He’d never known that Nightmare could be such a tsundere. No wonder Bright loved to tease her husband so much. Maybe Ink should start doing the same.

Not liking the considering look Ink was giving him, Nightmare turned away with a huff, and started trudging towards the door. When Ink made to follow him, however, Nightmare immediately put up his hand, two black, tar-like tentacles shooting out from his back to cross in front of Ink in an X, barring his way.

“ You stay here,” he ordered the colourful outcode. “I won’t have you getting in my way. You’d only be a hindrance to me.”

Ink pouted at him.

“No, I wouldn’t,” he crossed his arms. “You just don’t want me to witness whatever embarrassing thing you’re planning on doing to rescue Dream.”

“I’m planning no such thing!” Nightmare insisted vehemently, his tentacles quivering slightly. “So just remain right here, while I retrieve my pathetic brother. And do not touch anything or draw on any of the documents!”

With those words still ringing in the air, Nightmare stormed out of the room, leaving Ink behind to sulk by himself. It did not take the terrifying pseudo-Guardian of Negativity long to reach the place where he could sense his brother’s presence. Glancing into the office, he quickly spied Dream lounging listlessly underneath a desk. When the pseudo-Guardian of Positivity noticed his brother, his look of boredom morphed into a hopeful expression, as he brought his hands up in a pleading gesture, silently begging for help. Nightmare shot him a disgusted glare, but Dream merely widened his eye sockets further, his large, yellow eyelights wobbling slightly. Unable to stand the look, Nightmare turned away, burying his skull in his hands. He exhaled forcefully, beyond exasperated with the situation he’d been put into, before very reluctantly walking into the room.

The office workers ignored him, barely sparing him a glance, as the dark being made his way to the far corner of the room. There, he once again let out an aggrieved sigh, skull turned up towards the ceiling, appearing completely fed up with life, as he mustered every ounce of willpower he possessed, for what he was about to do. He would never admit it aloud, but Ink had been right, and Nightmare wasn’t looking forward to what was to come. Bracing himself for the worst, Nightmare forced out through gritted teeth, in an awkward and incredibly stilted voice:

“Oh, how I really miss my beloved wife!”

Instantly, all heads shot towards him and the women practically leapt from their chairs, flocking towards him and cooing consolingly at him. Nightmare cringed away from them and their sickening sympathy, but the women only crowded closer around him, trapping him in a circle of positivity. While the ladies were all suitably distracted trying to comfort Nightmare, Dream crawled out eagerly from underneath the desks, scuttling away rapidly on his hands and knees. Nightmare eyed his brother’s hasty escape with a bitter glare, as he was assaulted on all sides by cloying feelings of unwanted pity and concern, compassion and caring, and even a touch of joy and awe which almost burned. This was all Dream’s fault...

~~~

In Nightmare’s office, a tearful Dream was recounting to Ink how Nightmare had saved him, while Ink tried to contain his sniggers, as he patted his friend’s back in comfort, both extremely relieved that their ordeal was safely over. The pair jumped in surprise when the door slammed open, as a furious Nightmare stormed into the room, his tentacles writhing and whipping around him in response to his anger. Heedless of his brother’s ire, Dream instantly threw himself at Nightmare, wrapping his brother up in a tight hug.

“Thank you so much, Night!” Dream pressed his cheekbone to Nightmare’s, not bothered in the slightest by the viscous goop which covered it. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you care about me enough to come to my rescue like that! I’m so happy ! I love you, Brother!”

In response, a tentacle wrapped itself around Dream and promptly yanked him off of and away from Nightmare, though it tentatively lingered around him, as if unwilling to fully let go of Dream, at odds with the resentful glower Nightmare gave him.

“Do you have any idea of the torture I suffered because of you?!” Nightmare angrily pointed at Dream, his lone cyan eyelight flashing murderously. “I was practically suffocating under the force of those fools’ misplaced compassion! And then, to make matters worse, those foul wretches insisted that I call my wife, to tell her how much I “miss her” and “love her”! Obviously, she thought it was a prank of some kind, which then compelled those contemptible cretins to intervene “on my behalf” and gush to her about what a sweet and doting husband I am, and how I was completely lost without her by my side. I have never been so humiliated before! And in front of my wife!”

Dream was torn between wanting to apologise profusely to Nightmare for all of the trouble he’d unintentionally caused him, and wanting to once more hug him for all that his brother had gone through for his sake. He was saved from having to choose by the sudden ringing of Nightmare’s phone. After a quick glance to check the caller ID, Nightmare swiftly answered it.

“Frisk! For once you have immaculate timing. I have had the most abominable day!”

He then launched into a long rant about his woes. Meanwhile, Dream sidled up next to Ink, as they both observed Nightmare’s impassioned tirade.

“I still can't get over how far Night was willing to go to save me,” Dream gazed at Nightmare, star-shaped eyelights shining brightly with heartfelt gratitude. “Despite everything, he’s still my brother. And he still cares about me. I’m so happy, I could cry. What a great day this has turned out to be!”

In contrast to Dream’s exuberant joy, Ink was staring worriedly at Nightmare, browbones furrowed as apprehension steadily clouded his expression.

“I’m not so sure about that.”

Dream tilted his skull at him.

“How come?”

Ink nodded towards Nightmare, still talking on the phone.

“Nightmare’s telling his wife all about how we made complete fools of ourselves today. And knowing Bright, she’s definitely put her phone on loudspeaker and is making sure our own wives are listening in on the conversation.”

Indeed, universes away, three similar-looking women were lounging in deck chairs, wrapped in luxurious, fluffy bathrobes, and struggling to contain their laughter, as Nightmare’s zealous ranting could be heard coming loud and clear from the phone one of them had placed on the table beside them.

As that realisation dawned on Dream, his face fell in dismay.

“I take it back. This is, in fact, a terrible day, one I will never be able to live down.”

“Yup,” Ink agreed, shoulders sinking in resignation at his fate. “Today sucks.

________________________________________________

I agree, Ink, April Fool's Day does indeed suck if you don't enjoy pranks being played on you.

I really did intend for this to be pure lolz, but then Ink had to come in and add some actual seriousness to my crackfic.

Me: this all so silly, just for fun! Ink: emotions are hard. Me: uuuhhhh... Ink: honestly, this whole “having a soul” business really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Me: I... guess... not... ? Ink: but my love for my wife makes it all worthwhile. Me: oh, well, that’s ni- wait a minute. Ink: man, do I really love my wife. Me: oh no, NOT AGAIN!! Why are you Sans types such massive plot-derailing simps for your wives?!?!

And speaking of wives, you get a brief cameo and mentions of the Light Frisks: Fallen Star Frisk (Lumi), Brightmare Frisk (Bright), and Ōkami Frisk (Sunny). There’s technically a fourth, but she exists only in my head, because her backstory’s too complicated to explain and involves several different fandoms, thus she got replaced by CORE Frisk in my other fic. Sunny also involves another fandom, but it’s for one of my all-time favourite games ever, Ōkami, so I absolutely refuse to replace her. Seriously, Ōkami is on many people’s list of greatest games ever made, is as close to perfection as I think it’s possible for a game to get, is the very embodiment of the idea of games as art, and if you’ve ever seen screenshots or listened to any part of its OST, you’d agree that Ink would be utterly captivated by its world.

As you might have guessed, there is actually much more to this story than what's shown here. But it's April Fool's Day, so the funny bits are all you get ;-P (for anyone who recognises the big clue I left regarding what the Company is, you have to admit, this is one hell of an unexpected crossover, right?).

I highly doubt anyone's going to read this oneshot, but sometimes you just gotta indulge your silly side and have a bit of fun, so I don't regret writing this xD

[punkpoemprose]

December 10th- A Convenient Arrangement Part 2

Universe: Canonverse Arranged Marriage AU Rating:T (mentions of sex, negative self esteem, and a brief panic attack) Length: 4889 Words

A/N: Happy Birthday @upthenorthmountain Anna! Here’s a part 2 for the unbirthday fic I wrote you back in April. I’ve been dying to continue this one for a while, and I actually have a 10 chapter arc planned out for it. If anyone is like “hmmm that’s funny, I thought Anna’s birthday was a couple days ago” or “hmmm interesting I thought today was the 12th), you’d both be correct. I am currently two days late and two dollars short, but that’s what happens when I decide to write almost 5000 words instead of like 1k tops like these advent fics are supposed to be. Also sorry that this chapter hurts a little. It gets better. But anyway! Follow up to this [X] Proofreading? We don’t know her.

When Anna awoke, she felt warm, perhaps even a bit hot despite the lightness of her summer coverlet. She was tucked into her blankets comfortably but couldn’t remember crawling under them the night before.

There was a warm light coming through the window, and though she kept her eyes closed for a short while longer, letting herself wake leisurely, she knew that it must be sometime after six. She normally slept in a bit, letting the sun rise without her, but today for some reason she felt a bit strange for being in bed. Perhaps, she thought, it was because she thought that her life should have changed somehow, even from the waking, after her wedding the day before.

She opened her eyes cautiously, letting them adjust to the light with her lids fluttering. She wasn’t sure why she was surprised to find herself alone in bed when she checked, after so many years of waking up alone it shouldn’t surprise her, but there was the memory of touch in her hand now.

She didn’t know why she expected him to be there come morning.

Her eyes felt a bit teary and she blamed it on the light. She wanted to pretend for a moment that nothing had changed, that she’d never met Hans and that she had never had to follow the flow of the cascade of events that followed because of the meeting. She was married now, and while it was blessedly not to the cruel hearted foreign prince, it was to a stranger.

A stranger who had left her alone in their marriage bed, if of course one could call it a marriage bed. They hadn’t christened it as such, leaving it the same bed it had always been for her. The feeling of it though was different, wrong, like it had suddenly sprouted lumps and bumps and strange angles.

She was married, and as she sat up in the bed, glancing around the room, she realized she had no idea where her husband was.

“Kristoff?” she called quietly, her voice quiet and croaking from disuse overnight.

It still felt strange to say his name, to know that it was what her husband was called. It had happened so quickly she hadn’t even known it until awfully long before the ceremony, and now she could feel an ache in her chest that she couldn’t explain with anything except his absence. It was an ache named Kristoff.

There was no sound, no trace of him, and so she pulled herself from the bed and came to the realization that she was, in fact, still wearing the underlayers of her wedding attire. She’d shed her corset, but the chemise, petticoats, drawers, and stockings were still all fully in place. More proof to the fact that, while he’d been kind about it, her husband hadn’t wanted her on their wedding night.

She couldn’t help the tears that welled up in her eyes, they came for both joy and despair. She was married to a stranger, a kind one, but a stranger nevertheless. He’d seemed interested in getting to know her the night before, to at least become friends. She’d never really had friends before, and while the promise of not feeling so alone anymore was a comforting one, there was something about waking up without him that made her feel as though it was just a promise to get through the night. She was glad that he wasn’t just interested in her station, or her body, but she couldn’t help but feel alone and unwanted in the moment.

Had he waited for her to fall asleep before he left? Had he stayed until morning and rose earlier than she had?

He doesn’t owe you anything.

The thought was true, and yet she wished that he would have woken her instead of letting her think he’d run off.

Maybe he did.

She huffed, her eyes stinging with tears as she scrubbed them from her cheeks quickly. A lady’s maid would be arriving soon to help her dress and to serve her breakfast, and she wouldn’t let them see her cry. Even if she liked the staff, even if they were kind to her, she knew how rumors spread in the castle walls.

The last thing she wanted for herself, for her sister, for their kingdom, was the rumor that the princess was already unhappy in her marriage.

***

She found him by chance.

Thinking that it was perhaps better to pretend she knew exactly where her husband was, she didn’t ask the staff if they’d seen him. Instead, she’d went hunting through the halls for Kai or Gerda whom she knew were not particularly gossipy and who knew almost all the goings on in and out of the castle doors as the heads of staff.

She’d instead seen him as she passed by a second-floor window that happened to overlook the stables and paddock where he stood, brushing a large and rather neatly kept looking reindeer. It, she thought, must be the “friend” he’d mentioned the night before.

It took her a moment to decide whether to feel happy or embarrassed as she watched him. She’d never really been the sort of woman, let alone princess, who believed that the structure of things needed to stay as it was, but there was something in her that was embarrassed at the fact that her new husband was spending the morning with a reindeer instead of getting to know her when a groom could very well take care of the animal.

The warmth in her cheeks did fade quickly in the walk down to the stables though.

He doesn’t owe you anything.

The thought repeated in her head a few times as she went down the stairs, through the halls, outdoors and to his side, until when she arrived, she was feeling a touch defeated but significantly less upset. The reindeer seemed to notice her approach before he did, its head picking up a bit and turning towards her. She thought, as she stood just to its side, that it had very expressive eyes for an animal, and it reminded her a bit of her horse Kjekk who could also seem strangely human at times.

She supposed it was just many years without company that caused her to think so, but perhaps not, as in the moments she stood there, looking into the eyes of the reindeer but without being noticed yet by her husband, she heard him quietly talking to the animal.

“I’m not really sure what to do buddy.”

He said it with such finality that Anna realized that this was the end of their “conversation” and not the start. She felt a bit silly, maybe, looking at the reindeer and feeling like she’d interrupted something. So instead of listening any longer, perhaps hearing more than she should, she cleared her throat.

Kristoff seemed to realize then, that the Reindeer was looking at something, and that the something was her. And that, by association, she had just cleared her throat, meaning that she had heard him talking to the reindeer. She saw the gears spinning in his head as his eyes filled with recognition and then something hard that made her wish she’d just stayed in bed.

“Oh sorry, I’m…”

She stopped. She wasn’t sure what she was. Sorry? She was, but she’d already said it. Confused? She was, but he didn’t need to know that. Annoyed? That at least felt true as he was staring at her like she’d done something terribly wrong, even though he was the one who promised to try to make things work the night before, but who she’d needed to track down in the morning.

“I’m awkward,” she supplied, adding another quiet apology after for good measure, “Sorry.”

The dark look, the suspicion, the confusion, lifted then.

He laughed at her.

She felt embarrassment flare again, her face going hot and her stomach twisting in an all too familiar way. She wanted to walk away, to flee back to the castle, to her gallery, and pretend for a moment that nothing had changed, but her feet wouldn’t move under her.

She was too focused on his laughter and the voice in her head that always seemed prepared to remind her of where she stood.

You’re always the joke. The fool. The spare.

 “You’re in good company then,” he said, his tone warm and mirthful in a way that had been comforting to her the night before, “I’m pretty awkward too.”

***

She held his hand loosely in her own, and while he wasn’t holding back, there was an occasional squeeze of his fingers against the back of her hand. The squeezes reminded her that no matter what her treacherous mind might be saying, he was not opposed to the contact, just adjusting to it as she was. They hadn’t discussed that yet, the contact, and how he seemed hesitant about it while she craved it. It was something they’d need to talk about soon, especially when every brush of fingers made her feel like she was breathing for the first time but was also so overwhelming to her that she sometimes forgot to breathe altogether.

Before her incident, before her sister’s realization that the castle gates would need to be open, no one had really touched her. She had a lady’s maid, but there was never any real reason to be dressed well enough to require her services. She’d brushed out her own hair, bathed herself, donned her own skirts, and went about her day before plaiting her hair, removing her clothes and putting on nightclothes before she slept. So now, even with the previous affections of the man she wished she could forget about, she could sometimes feel the effects of going so many years without contact.

Much to her chagrin it often felt like that need to be touched, that ache in her heart for physical affection, was amplified by the small touches that Kristoff was giving or allowing her. They would need to talk about it soon. Just as they needed to talk about his intentions to leave soon for a trip back into the mountains that he assured her would be brief.

He wouldn’t explain his reasons for going to her yet. He’d only mentioned retrieving some of his belongings until they “better figured out” how “this all” would be working out. He’d promised that he’d stay at least another night before leaving, and that they could talk about his leaving before he went.

It was a kindness, she knew. He was not her prisoner, but her husband. He was free to come and go as he pleased, and he did not need her consent to do so. The warning though was appreciated.

“This is the kitchen,” she said in the most pleasant voice she could manage, her excitement about showing him around the castle was dimmed somewhat by the fact that he’d soon be leaving the place for what she hoped truly would only be a day or so.

She pushed open the door with one hand, holding his with the other, tethering him to her as she walked him through the household.

When the door opened the smells of fresh baked bread and something fresh and sweet struck her. She’d had breakfast, but in her malaise she’d chosen porridge over anything particularly enjoyable. He, she’d learned, had not eaten anything, unable to find the kitchens or, more properly, the dining room in the morning and finding himself unwilling to ask anyone how to get there. He’d chosen instead to go to the stables because he could find his way there.

Anna suspected although he hadn’t said, that it was the only place he felt comfortable.

She heard, over the sound of the staff working away, the grumbling of his stomach behind her.

She turned to him, giving what she hoped was a sympathetic smile.

He was looking down at the floor, the tips of his ears pink.

Embrassed.

She knew how that felt. So she gripped his hand a bit tighter, hoping that it gave him strength the way that him doing so for her had during their wedding ceremony.

“Excuse me,” she called warmly, noting a bit uncomfortably how the room went quiet when the staff took note that she’d entered their space.

Before the wedding she’d often come down to the kitchens on her own. They’d had less staff then, a hiring increase part of Elsa’s attempts to smooth things over, and to help with the new onslaught of guests and dignitaries they would be feeding with the gates open, had changed the previous easygoing manner of the staff. Those who knew her saw her differently now, and those who did not probably thought the worst.

“I don’t mean to interrupt, please go about your work, but my husband and I would like to take an early lunch in the garden. We were hoping to grab some things, but you needn’t bother yourselves. I do know where everything is.”

There was an uneasiness in the atmosphere that made her chest feel tight. She hadn’t really counted anyone amongst the staff as friends in the past, they all treated her with respect to rank rather than with camaraderie, but her interactions with them had always been at least somewhat comfortable in nature. This, the feeling of fear and discomfort, was enough to have tears threatening again.

She fought against it, squeezing Kristoff’s hand for comfort again, but this time for her own.

I’m not alone. I’m okay. They’ll warm up. Everything will be fine.

She tried to repeat the mantra as she walked through the kitchen with Kristoff, feeling eyes on her. She walked over to the cabinet which held the basket she’d been using since childhood whenever she felt the need to dine outdoors, or in her gallery, or really anywhere other than the dining room or her bedroom where the staff normally saw her fed. The familiar feeling of the wicker in her hand was strengthening in a way she hadn’t expected, the sensation allowing her to pretend again, for a moment, that everything was normal.

“What would you like?” She asked softly, releasing his hand and putting on her best expression of ease as she looked back at him.

He looked uncomfortable, but not as embarrassed as he’d been when they entered. She hoped that some of her faux poise had given him some real sense of confidence in the space. He was of course, whether he liked it or not, the prince consort to the princess of Arendelle. He should at least have the confidence to step into the kitchen of his own home without feeling like he didn’t belong.

Maybe this isn’t his home.

She squashed the voice again, relegating it to the back of her thoughts as she smiled at him.

“I was thinking bread and cheese and fruit, but if you want something a little more ample I’m sure we can find it.”

He shook his head, and while she wasn’t sure whether it was because he was fine with her plans, or because he was unwilling to argue, she set to collecting the foods she’d mentioned.

When they left the kitchens after just a few short minutes, it didn’t feel fast enough.

***

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you where everything was last night,” she apologized as she popped a strawberry in her mouth.

They were in season and rather sweet. She’d just had a few slices atop some brie on a slice of fresh bread, which in her personal opinion, was food for the Gods, right up there with chocolate and coffee. She licked juice from her thumb and watched, with interest as Kristoff carefully sliced a bit of cheese for himself and spread it onto bread. He’d seemed almost confused by it, staring at it for a bit before endeavoring to serve himself which surprised her. She wasn’t really sure what foods he liked, just as she was unsure of everything else about him, save for what little detail he’d shared.

She wished that she would have been a bit more relaxed the night previous, that she would have paid attention to what he was eating at their wedding feast instead of preoccupying herself with pretending to eat. Doing that and pretending she was happy had taken all of her focus. She’d been so scared, and even though she still had her concerns now, she took comfort in knowing that her previous fears had all so far been for not.

Of course, though, as the little voice liked very much to remind her, she’d not feared enough before. Kristoff was a kind man, someone who she could learn to at least like very much if not love, but she needed to be careful. Even if that was the last thing she wanted.

His nose scrunched up terribly when he took a bite of the cheese covered bread, and Anna felt her panic rise in her chest for a moment. She wasn’t sure what she was afraid of. A sudden change of attitude? Their lunch being poisoned? She wasn’t sure, but her pulse quickened, and her chest constricted.

“Is it… is it supposed to be like that?”

“Like what?”

“Kind of… smooth? And… fungal?”

She snorted. The tension leaving her body as a breeze rustled the leaves on the tree above them, not covering the sound of her shock and amusement, but at least muffling it a bit.

“Yes. I don’t think that’s how I would describe it, but yes. It is supposed to taste like that.”

He shook his head and set the bitten piece down on the plate, looking a bit disgusted before pausing a moment and picking it back up.

“I didn’t know you didn’t care for brie. Sorry! You don’t have to eat it if you don’t like it.”

That too seemed to cause a look of confusion to cross his face, followed shortly after by a flush as he set it down and looked away from her for a moment. His eyes were trained on the scenery, and she decided to look out upon it as well.

It was a nice day, the sun was warm but not hot thanks to the passing of clouds above and a light breeze of the Fjord. She could smell the perfume of the garden’s flowers in the air, and were things between them a little less strained, she might deign to call the scene romantic. They sat close beneath a tree, on an amalgamation of a few clean saddle blankets she’d taken from the stables.

The scene was picturesque, save for them and their discomfort with one another.

How was it easier to talk to a stranger in bed than in a garden?

She hoped that she hadn’t embarrassed him, though she knew that she had. Again. She wasn’t really sure what it was she’d said or done, but she wanted him to feel comfortable with her. She reached across the space between them and took his hand again.

“You took care of me last night,” she said squeezing his hand, “You were kind and we talked, and it made me feel like everything was going to be okay. Please let me return the favor if I can? I want us to be friends.”

***

Kristoff let his fingers lace through hers. It was an unnatural motion for him, something he’d never done except for with Anna and she’d encouraged it before. Now he made the move to do so, hearing the need for comfort in her voice and not being sure how to provide it.

He squeezed gently but couldn’t bring himself to look at her. Not yet.

You don’t belong here.

His thoughts had been an endless refrain of reminders all day. He was common, he didn’t deserve to be in the castle. He’d accidentally fallen asleep in her room, atop the blankets, after tucking her in. Her fingers had still been through his, and he’d just felt so glad that she was sleeping and that he had been dealt the good fortune of actually liking his wife, that he’d allowed himself to lay at her side for a few short moments with his eyes closed.

He’d never made it out of the bed and to his room. It didn’t matter really of course, given he didn’t even know where his room was, but it did matter when he woke before her and panicked, not knowing where he was or where he belonged.

He’d thought about waking her, but it had seemed wrong. Who was he to wake a sleeping princess? Who was he to sleep in her bed all night? Who was he to even be in the castle?

He’d set off for the stables as soon as he managed to get ahold of himself well enough to figure out how to leave her room quietly enough to not alert her. He’d been lucky to find his way into and out of what appeared to servants entrances to make it outside after a short time of wandering about the hallways on his own. He’d been even luckier still to find that no one had thought to bring his meager bag of possessions into the castle, leaving them instead with Sven who was in the same stable he’d left him in the day before, albeit with more hay.

He’d changed his shirt in the stable, putting on the simple clothes he preferred over the clothes he’d worn the day before to his wedding, and had spent the rest of his time before Anna found him, caring for Sven. He hadn’t really thought much about breakfast, his concerns laying more in how he was going to manage to get himself out of someplace he clearly didn’t belong without pissing off the Queen, or worse, hurting the feelings of the Princess.

My wife.

He thought of her as that now, as she reached across the space between them and took his hand. He could feel the heat in his face as she asked him to let her help him, to talk. She meant well, he knew it, he could feel it in the way she held his hand.

You don’t belong here.

The thought came again, but he tried to silence it, holding her hand a little tighter like she was all that was holding him there, to that spot. It didn’t help much, because it was true. She was all that was holding him to that spot, to the castle, to any of it.

“I don’t belong here,” he said finally, “I… I don’t know how to act. I don’t want my actions to reflect poorly on you.”

She tugged on his hand in return, not unlacing her fingers from his, but yanking him as if to get his attention. He couldn’t look at her. He was ashamed of himself.

Ashamed of wanting to go.

Ashamed of wanting to stay.

“This over cheese?” she asked, “I don’t have the world’s most refined palate Kristoff, you don’t have to like everything I do to fit in.”

It was sweet in a way, that she didn’t understand. There was an innocence in her that he could tell had been shattered by whatever happened before he was summoned from the mountains, but it was still there, if a little cautious and broken.

She saw the best in him, he realized. He’d shown her a better picture of him than she’d imagined the night before and she was holding onto it.

It hurt him to think that not hurting her, not taking her without consent was all that it had taken for her to think that he was worth her attentions.

“It’s not the cheese Anna… or, I guess it is.”

He didn’t know how to explain to her that things that were normal for her were completely new for him. That even though she’d shown him to the kitchen today it would take him weeks to remember which hallways to turn down to make his way there.

“I’ve… I’ve never had brie or anything I didn’t make myself or buy at the market after selling something I made myself to get it. I have one room in my house. One. I wear almost the same thing every day. Anna, I know that we need to make this work, but I’m never going to belong here.”

When he looked at her, finally in his expression of the thoughts he’d had all day, feeling like he could meet her eye.

She looked like he’d struck her.

***

He’s making excuses to get away from you.

The peace she’d been struggling to make with her most cynical voice was lost. The memories of the night before where he’d been do ready to try to make things work, where he’d been kind and thoughtful, were wiped away from her thoughts as she shut down.

She felt cold despite the sun, her heart pounded in her chest.

Oh Anna. If only there were someone who loved you.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe. The panic she’d held down so well for her wedding, for the night, for the morning, resurfaced all at once. Her eyes went bleary with tears and she choked on breaths she tried to take as she tried to pull her hand away from his, but he wouldn’t release it.

Her head started to hurt, she could feel a pounding in it and in her chest as she tried to move her hand, tried to breathe, tried to think of anything else but the cold creeping into her bones again.

She felt him then, his hand release hers only for him to move towards her before she could pull away, and then his arms were around her, supporting her.

It was too much and not enough all at once as she fought to breathe again, as she tried to take comfort in the strange staticky feel of the gooseflesh rising on her skin as a reaction to his touch instead of the cold.

He’s holding you.

The kinder part of her mind was the one informing her now, forcing air back into her lungs, making her smell the sweet flowers and the warm bread and notice the look of concern on his face.

Your husband is holding you. You’re scaring him.

She forced herself to breathe through her mouth, a hiccoughing sound coming out as she did so. She leaned into his touch despite the strange feelings than ran through her skin and spine at the contact and breathed.

***

He held her close, pulling her in tight to his chest, letting her head loll a bit against his shoulder as she fought to breathe.

He didn’t understand what came over her, but it had come on suddenly, like a dark cloud. It had been worse than the resignation he’d seen in her in their wedding bed. It was worse because then the act of taking herself out of the situation mentally had seemed to him, like a choice. But whatever had happened to her in the moment before had filled her eyes with a sort of blank numbness that had terrified him.

“It’s okay,” he said, not really knowing if it was, “Breathe Anna. It’s okay.”

He had never hugged anyone other than Sven or his family, and none of them were human. There was something about holding her so close, hearing her breathing, practically feeling the thundering of her racing heart that felt more intimate to him than the kiss they’d shared at the end of their wedding.

Maybe it was because they were alone, and because her emotions were so raw, but the intimacy of it made him stop and think for a moment about his doubts. He didn’t feel like he belonged in the castle, and for all intents and purposes he didn’t. He was common, common as they came, he only made sense as staff, not the husband of a Princess.

Yet, comforting Anna felt right. Holding her through whatever she was experiencing… it felt like what he was meant to do.

You promised you’d try. You want to be a good husband to her, even if you weren’t her choice.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, more into her hair than anything as he turned his head a bit to address her as she breathed.

“I shouldn’t have said that to you. My insecurities shouldn’t stop me from trying to make this work. I meant what I said last night. I think I’m going to like being married to you Anna. I’m going to try to make you happy if I can, and that means letting you try to make me happy too.”

She didn’t calm particularly quickly after he said it, a bit of time passed before he realized, slowly but surely that she was holding him in return, her arms wrapped around him loosely but otherwise still.

“Do you not want to move?” He finally asked, feeling good about the fact that her sobs had stopped.

“No,” she said, her voice small, “I don’t. I’m sorry. I’m not used to people wanting to touch me.”

That, he decided, was what hurt the most.

[ohdaim]

april fool's day oneshot

hi guys, i wrote this today in one sitting, and it's lazily edited:) i'm recovering from an oral surgery and on strong medication, so i hope this makes as much sense as i think it does.

Ship: Ignis Scientia/female reader Summary: You are a Citadel valet working the night shift, frequently attending to Ignis' car. You have no idea how to talk to him. He has no idea how to ask for your number. Words: 1849 idk if this is considered fluff or just mutual pining but with like,, idiots

__

Stir together bread crumbs, garlic, parsley…

You scanned the rest of the newest recipe on your favorite cooking blog, Feeding The Fussy. As always, it looked delicious. As always, you rated it five stars and typed out a comment.

I followed the recipe exactly, but I left out the bread crumbs and cheese. I used shrimp and bacon grease instead. Terrible recipe. Won’t make again.

Putting your phone away, you came to attention when someone stepped out of a Citadel elevator across the lobby. You worked night shift as a palace valet and hardly saw anyone but for a few regular night owls. One of them approached now, and gods, you were nervous all of a sudden.

Ignis was your favorite regular. He was polite, tipped well, and made small talk so you wouldn't have to. You didn’t know what he did in the Citadel or why he so often left at four in the morning. You just knew you had a big crush on him and, for that reason, could never carry a full conversation without getting sweaty palms.

“Good morning.” He greeted you first. “Quiet night?”

You nodded, entering the info you needed to check his vehicle out of the system. You wanted to say something, anything. Nerves got the best of you, and you excused yourself into the back room to get his car keys. On your way out, you held them up. “I’ll have your car here momentarily.”

Ignis didn’t respond. He wasn’t even looking at you. His attention was on his phone, a corner of his mouth curled upward.

You paused, taking in the smirk with shy curiosity. That was a new look. What was he smirking at? When he seemed to remember himself, he schooled the look and met your eyes. Startling, you repeated yourself quietly and went through the doors leading to the parking garage.

Ignis’ car consistently smelled like coffee wrapped in leather. Your phone vibrated in your pocket as you buckled in. Because you wanted to linger in the nice scent--was this extremely weird? Yes, of course--you checked to see what the buzzing was about.

An email. You’d gotten a reply from the Feeding The Fussy chef. They’d liked your comments in the past but hadn’t addressed your obvious jokes. You stared at the subject line for a beat, then opened the message.

Thank you for the review. Almost as insightful as last week’s eight hundred word description of your current diet and how my recipes conflict. Do you have any suggestions on how to improve this one?

Your nervousness grew so heavy, it burst in bright red over your face, a flame in your chest. The chef was talking to you. You’d chalked it up to luck that they understood your sense of humor and the intent of your comments. Never had you thought they’d give more than a like. You typed a response before getting back to work.

Pro tip: Using a microwave is faster than the oven. Also, I’ve begun a new diet (details to follow), so is there any way to make this recipe without the ingredients?

Ignis’ car was fancy but less so than most others in the garage. You always felt a pinch of regret when pulling it up to the lobby entrance. Driving a car like his just to see how fast it could go, it wasn’t something you’d ever get to do. You didn’t own one yourself, and truthfully, you'd only gotten a driving license to be qualified for this job. Getting out, you waved at Ignis and extended an arm toward the open driver’s seat.

Tip passing from his hand to your own, you bowed and tucked the money into a pocket. He thanked you, getting into his car. You waited for him to drive away, likely the last person you’d see this shift.

“Ah, pardon me,” Ignis startled you by climbing back out, the car door hanging open. He held something out to you. “I believe you dropped this.”

You looked at your phone in his hand, your eyes wide, nervousness becoming embarrassment. Quickly grabbing it, you bowed again. “Sorry.”

Ignis chuckled. “It’s quite alright. Good thing I noticed when I did.”

Nodding emphatically, you wished he’d just go before you humiliated yourself further.

Clearly not reading your mind, he lingered a moment longer. “In truth, I--”

“Have a good day, sir.” You didn’t mean to interrupt him and hadn’t expected him to say more.

He cleared his throat and smiled. “Same to you.” Thanking you again, by name this time, he left.

Back in the quiet lobby, you put his tip with the rest you’d made that night. You sat behind the desk and buried your face in your hands. The sting of feeling stupid in front of Ignis was abated by the underlying excitement that came from talking to the chef you admired.

They specialized in meals for picky eaters, which you were. They used clear directions, so they could be followed by an amateur chef, which you really were. They sometimes added personal anecdotes spiced with sarcasm and dry jokes to the recipe’s background, which made you feel safe to comment. You refrained from checking your inbox, content to wait until you were home to see if they’d replied yet.

Two attendants arrived for the day shift, and as you hitched the strap of your bag over a shoulder, readying to leave, one of them told you to wait.

“You should pick up a new nametag before your next shift.”

Glancing down at your uniform, you remembered you’d lost yours several days ago. “Oh, right. I will.”

You stepped into an elevator, pressing the button for the metro station level. New nametag. Dumb. You had your work badge but still required a tag. How else would the Citadel inhabitants know who to thank for fetching their expensive cars? You rolled your eyes at the thought, already annoyed. You’d have to come to work early to pick it up. Was it too soon to quit and attend culinary school? You needed to make a bit more money first. Ignis tipped large bills, but still, it’d take years of picking his car up every morning before you could afford tuition.

Grinning to yourself, you weaved through the incoming morning crowds and boarded a train home. It had felt nice, hearing Ignis say your name on his way out. He was the only person who ever addressed you, so maybe getting a new tag was worth it for that alone. Ignis was just-- He truly-- You really liked when he came down, that was all.

It didn’t strike you for another several hours, as you filled out the online request for a new Citadel employee nametag, that Ignis must’ve remembered your name. You supposed a great memory was probably just another part of his polite demeanor. That’s what you told yourself, at least, to keep your crush from growing. You didn’t even know the man.

You attempted the chef’s latest recipe, and as it cooled, you--very casually and not nervously at all--checked to see if they’d replied.

I’ll keep that tip in mind. As for your question, I recommend the following replacement recipe: brew a cup of coffee or tea, sit somewhere comfortable, and enjoy the beverage knowing your comments haunt me whenever I cook.

You read and reread the message, then laughed into a hand. Worth the wait. You ate a bite directly from the dish on your counter, huffing through the fresh heat with mild regret. They deserved a genuine review after such honesty, but it seemed you were doing little more than burning the roof of your mouth. So you took a picture of the food, offering a thumbs up with one hand in frame, and sent it as a reply.

The next night you worked, Ignis arrived much earlier than expected--before midnight, no less. He was coming in rather than going out. Another man was with him, someone blonde and unfamiliar. Ignis opened the back to retrieve something, turning you down when you offered to get it for him. The blonde man, his smile sincere but awkward, complimented your shoes.

“Thanks.” You didn’t really know what to say. People chatting with you was uncommon.

“They match your uniform’s tie… thing.” The blonde man was red in the face. Someone needed to tell him he didn’t have to make small talk. You were just a valet. He persisted, his smile broad. “It’s nice, y’know. You’re, like, coordinated and stuff.”

“Prompto.” Ignis closed the back and proffered a piece of luggage toward the other man. “Leave her be.” When the man took the bag from him, Ignis gave you the car keys. “I apologize for my friend. He can’t contain himself around beautiful women. Add inebriation, and he’s a lost cause.”

You gripped the keys tightly, taking in everything with a slow nod. Yes, of course, right. All of that made sense. Ignis was bringing a drunk friend into the palace. Normal Ignis stuff.

“Do you think Cor’s gonna be mad at me?” the blonde asked Ignis, walking backwards from the car toward the lobby doors. “Iggy, what if Cor gets mad at me?”

Ignis rolled his eyes, a hand checking his inner jacket. “A tad late to worry about that. Go directly to the barracks and try to sleep it off.”

“Where are the barracks again?”

Ignis’ chest broadened with a sigh, and he left the guy hanging. Withdrawing a money clip, he held it out to you. “For your trouble.”

You hesitated taking it. The outer bill appeared to be 1,000 yen, and it was several notes thick… More than the usual tip. You took it slowly, fingertips brushing his leather covered palm, and murmured a quiet thanks.

Ignis remained, his hand lifting to brush loose strands of hair out of his face. He wasn’t as put together as you were used to. Your eyes trailed downward, now noticing the unbuttoned collar of his shirt. Huh.

He cleared his throat and began, “There’s something I--”

“C’mon, Iggy!” The blonde man held one of the entrance doors wide open. “If I knew Cor was gonna be mad anyway, I would’ve stayed at Noct’s.”

Ignis gave you a hasty farewell, already walking away to push the blonde man through the door. They disappeared inside, leaving an awkward wake of silence. You settled into Ignis’ coffee-and-leather scented car, a realization hitting you late, as they tended to do. Had Ignis implied you were beautiful? You didn’t entertain the thought for long. Ignis was a professional, royal something-or-other. He would never. You were reading too much into it. Surely.

On the walk from Ignis’ parking spot back to the lobby, you checked for the latest message from the chef. You’d boldly given them your number in a DM when the comment thread became unbearably long. You hadn’t held out hope of receiving a message and read their initial text at least ten times in disbelief before responding and saving the number.

Was this a new friendship? You hoped so.

[blackswaneuroparedux]

The Irish Lion: The legend of Paddy Mayne and the SAS

The first crop of Special Air Service (SAS) soldiers were a motley crew of bar-room brawlers, public school hell-raisers, eccentrics and misfits but they all embodied the tenets of courage, honour and ingenuity.

Hatched in the desert and borne out of the necessity of World War Two, the SAS or known as ‘the regiment’ was started by the 6’5” ‘Phantom Major’ David Stirling nicknamed him The Giant Sloth for his chronic laziness and fondness for slipping out of camp for nights of carousing. He hated marching, military discipline and disdained authority. By all accounts a terrible soldier but he was brave and cunning.

The principle behind the SAS was simple: To use small bands of irregular elite soldiers who could operate by stealth behind enemy lines, destroying aircraft, supplies and hopefully also enemy morale as a by-product of causing vast mayhem. One perception of the unit at this stage is as a motley band of scruffy and rebellious commandoes striking out of the darkness at the Nazis. The latter part of that is true, the former needs qualifying – all the men were disciplined operators drawn from commando units. They sometimes grew out unkempt beards because they were in the desert and away from camp for long stretches. It, of course, helps glamourise things more that Stirling himself was captured and eventually transferred to the infamous Colditz Castle after multiple escape attempts.

In his absence, responsibility for the SAS passed to his second in command, the larger-than-life Irishman Robert Blair ‘Paddy’ Mayne.

Known to be a terrific soldier with tremendous battlefield intuition, Mayne was allegedly recommended to Stirling by his friend Eoin McGonigal. He was brave, unconventional and a force to be reckoned with – the perfect man for the nascent SAS. There was just one problem: He was languishing in prison for striking his superior officer Geoffrey Keyes (or perhaps it was for threatening him with a bayonet?). Curiosity sparked, Stirling went to meet Mayne in his jail cell.

An account of their initial meeting appears in Alan Hoe’s biography of the SAS founder.  At first, Mayne was reluctant to join Stirling’s unit, known at that point as ‘L Detachment’: “’I can’t see any prospects of real fighting in this scheme of yours’. There was undisguised scepticism on his face. “’There isn’t any. Except against the enemy’. It was the right reply because Mayne began to laugh. “’All right. If you can get me out of here I’ll come along’. He extended his huge hand. “’There’s one more thing’, Stirling said, ignoring the hand. ‘This is one commanding officer you never hit and I want your promise on that’. He reached out for the hand.

It wasn’t just the partnership that became legendary. On the heels of his stunning military successes, a number of stories about Mayne sprang up that added to the legend.

The son of William Mayne and Margaret Boyle Vance. Robert Blair "Paddy" Mayne was born on 11th January 1915. He was born into a wealthy Presbyterian family and the sixth of seven children, four boys and three girls. He grew up on the 41-acre grounds of the Mount Pleasant estate overlooking the town of Newtownards, County Down in Northern Ireland. Educated at Regent House School, he played cricket, rugby and golf, excelling in each while also demonstrating an aptitude as a marksman in the rifle club.

While at Queen’s in Belfast studying law to eventually qualify as a solicitor (lawyer), he took up boxing and within a matter of months won the Irish Universities Heavyweight title in August 1936. He made his Ireland rugby debut against Wales at Ravenhill in 1937 and the last of six appearances two years later, coincidentally against the same opposition in Belfast. His talent was recognised in selection for 1938 Lions tour to South Africa, where he made quite an impression on and off the pitch. Mayne could tolerate any physical challenge but was unable to cope with boredom and when of a mind to do something expected full compliance from acolytes, willing or reluctant. Breaking hotel furniture during drunken stupors were not uncommon.

His drunken off-pitch exploits couldn’t camouflage his innate ability as a gifted rugby player. Mayne lined out in 17 of the 20 provincial games and all three tests against the Springboks; having lost the first two he was singularly influential in securing a victory for the Lions in the third test.

The late Sean Diffley, rugby correspondent and author, wrote of the talented rugby second-row: “Mayne was a Viking, a throwback to the ancient days of towering warriors, gentle and charming when in repose, but fierce and dangerous when aroused, and a ‘hyphenated’ nuisance when he had a couple of jars. His fierce dark physical outbursts may well have been the stuff of legend, but they were not always fun to those immediately concerned, and they were a great cause of worry to his friends. There was the case of the Irish player for instance, who in 1939, was thrown out of the window of the Swansea hotel by Mayne during the post-match celebrations. Witnesses were thankful that it was a ground floor window and that the player came to no harm, but it was not simply high jinx either that caused the incident, but the result of Mayne brooding darkly on something that is now long forgotten.”

At the outbreak of the Second World War, Mayne received a commission in the 5th Anti-Aircraft Battery, in April 1940 joined the Royal Ulster Rifles and following Dunkirk volunteered for the 11 (Scottish) Commando.

He was mentioned in dispatches for the impressive manner in which he commanded his troop in the Litani River Raid in Lebanon and recruited by David Stirling for his newly formed SAS unit.

There are tales of Mayne shooting the floor around the feet of a bar owner who overcharged and was rude to him, and the 2004 documentary ‘SAS Warrior: The Life of Paddy Mayne’ reports that an intoxicated Mayne once unloaded his pistol into a drinking companion.

The murder is said to have been covered up.

But many of these stories are untrue, or at the very least they require contextual explanation.

Take for instance the story that Mayne was in prison and awaiting a court-martial for striking his commanding officer, Geoffrey Keyes, later posthumously awarded a Victoria Cross, but whom the Irishman considered an upper-class twit. That Mayne had no time for the privileged caste is part of Mayne’s myth making.

Many historians now dispute the veracity of the story. There is no record of Mayne’s arrest and David Stirling, as author Gavin Mortimer and other writers of the SAS Regiment have written, was prone to exaggerate to mischievously feed the legend. 

Indeed the story that Mayne was imprisoned for striking his superior officer, Geoffrey Keyes because he wasn’t selected for a raid to kidnap or kill Erwin Rommel makes no sense. The SAS were drawn from Nos 7, 8 and 11 Commandos, operating around the Mediterranean in 1941. (Commando were units containing around 500 well-trained troops). Keyes and Mayne were both in 11 Commando, which was decimated in a mission in Syria earlier that year. By the time it was reconstituted and the Rommel Raid conceived, Mayne had already left the unit. In any case, it’s just as well Mayne did not participate – the mission failed (because Rommel wasn’t there) and Keyes, along with many others, didn’t make it back.

Instead, Mayne, would meet Stirling in North Africa months before, and not in a prison cell either.

It was he who, in fact, recommended his friend Eoin McGonigal to Stirling, not the other way around.

Stirling was not looking for a modern-day incarnation of a Viking berserker. On the contrary, the founding philosophy of the SAS (then known as L-Detachment) indicates a need for extreme heroism but also extreme professionalism: “An undisciplined TOUGH is no good, however tough he may be. Most of ‘L’ Detachment’s work is night work and all of it demands courage, fitness and determination of the highest degree and also, and just as important, discipline, skill and intelligence and training.”

The odd thing is that life in the SAS during World War 2 was perfectly exciting enough. There simply wasn’t any need to make up tall tales. Mayne himself said as much in a letter: “(T)here is no use writing this stuff, people think you are shooting a line – the most fantastic things happen every time we go out.”

A perfect example of this occurred around the time Mayne wrote this. He and Stirling had decided to drive a truck with five comrades right up to an enemy encampment in the desert.

They had a German speaker with them and used him to bluff their way in. When the man was asked for the password, Mayne, who didn’t speak much German, related later what he understood the general direction of the conversation to have been:

“How the – do we know what the – password is, and don’t ask for our – identity cards either. They’re lost and we’ve been fighting for the past seventy hours against these – Tommies. Our car was destroyed and we were lucky to capture this British truck and get back at all. Some fool put us on the wrong road. We’ve been driving for the past two hours and then you so and sos, sitting here on your arses in Benghazi, in a nice safe job, stop us. So hurry up, get that – gate open.”

It wouldn’t be a nice safe job much longer. Mayne, who had a pistol resting on his lap, waited as one of the guards stepped closer to inspect them. Luckily the bluff worked because Mayne realised at the last minute he’d forgotten to cock it.

Once the gate was open, they proceeded to blast the hell out of the trucks and tents that they found within the camp, before also blowing up their own truck (by mistake) and hot-footing it out of there.

By this point, of course, they’d found their stride, but it had been a difficult learning curve. L-Detachment’s first mission called for dropping 60 men by parachute behind enemy lines. But wind conditions were awful and they were scattered hopelessly wide, isolated in the desert and miles from their targets. Most were either killed or captured (one of the dead was Mayne’s friend Eoin McGonigal). Fortunately, there was a solution right under David Stirling’s nose.

The Long Range Desert Group were themselves a kind of special operations unit conducting reconnaissance and the occasional raid of their own. A portion of their men and vehicles were next allocated to assist L-Detachment, and from that point forward Stirling’s force would be conveyed to their targets by their comrades in the LRDG. Gavin Mortimer’s book ‘Stirling’s Desert Triumph: The SAS Egyptian Airfield Raids 1942’ features an exchange between Mayne and one of his subordinates during a mission rehearsal in one of the 30cwt Chevrolet trucks they’d be using:

“’What direction are we driving in?’ (Mayne) suddenly said, turning to the front gunner. “The man stared at the stars, trying to figure out which star was which. At length he replied: “’North-east, I should say, sir’. “’Ha!’ exclaimed Mayne. ‘You wouldn’t get far if you had to walk back.’ “Changing gear, Mayne cast a sideways glance at his gunner and said quietly: ‘Mind you’re certain of your direction by tomorrow night’.”

At first, Stirling’s men were dropped off some distance from their targets and then approached on foot. The favoured method for destroying German planes in airfields – the main objective – was to attach and then detonate Lewes bombs. These had been created by one of their comrades, Lieutenant Jock Lewes.

But then a new method of operation was stumbled upon. During a raid on Bagoush airfield, in the Quattara Depression, Mayne had put bombs on 40 aircraft but only 22 of them went off. After examining some charges left over, he found that the primers had been inserted into their plastic sleeves too early – they’d been in there too long and had become damp.

From this problem came a series of solutions: They should just drive the LRDG vehicles right up to the target from now on to save time; they should, therefore, make sure the vehicles had machine guns mounted for protection; in fact, why not just drive the vehicles into the airfields and use the machine guns to destroy the planes instead?

This all came together in the raid on Sidi Haneish airfield on July 26/27, 1942. Two columns of nine jeeps each burst out of the night and whipped around the rows of Luftwaffe planes, riddling them with bullets before high tailing it back out into the darkness. 30 aircraft were left in ruins.

But the history of the SAS and Paddy Mayne wasn’t all spectacular desert raids.

Following the capture of Stirling and the migration of the war to Sicily and Italy, the nature of the fighting changed.

So too did Paddy.

L-Detachment had been re-designated as 1 SAS Regiment on September 28, 1942, and now Mayne, promoted to Major himself, was its standard bearer in Stirling’s absence. Contrary to his reputation as a stereotypical action hero, Ross says that Mayne’s side as solicitor now emerged as he came to be, in Ross’ view, probably a better administrator than Stirling. To be sure, an authoritarian side also emerged, but this too seems indicative of his care and commitment to professionalism, training and mission prep. He seems to have cared very deeply about men killed under this command and worked extraordinarily hard to prevent their deaths.

The SAS’ next incarnation as ‘the Special Raiding Squadron’ (SRS) was certainly very successful, as it worked its way over defensive positions in Sicily and then up the western side of the Italian peninsula. These actions are noteworthy for two things: Difficult objectives achieved and relatively low casualty rates, a testament to Mayne’s careful stewardship.

Augmented by the American landing in the east at Salerno on September 9, 1943, one of these actions took place at the Biferno river, behind which the Germans were making a stand. The SRS, along with Nos 3 and 40 Commandos were dispatched to Termoli to outflank them. No 3 Commando would establish a beachhead allowing No 40 Commando to capture the town and its harbour whilst the SRS continued on to take bridges. The subsequent fighting would be the stuff of Hollywood Second World War movies, featuring trucks set ablaze and Germans spilling out in alarm, along with encounters with hardened German paratroopers and skirmishes around farm buildings.

Despite the stiff and professional resistance, the Special Raiding Squadron lost only one killed, three wounded and 23 as MIAs. In return they inflicted casualties of 23 killed, 17 wounded and 39 captured, as well as taking ground north of the Biferno.

Next up was France. Here the SRS would be upgraded to 1 SAS proper, a battalion-sized force of about 1,000 men, as it served in the Special Air Service Brigade alongside 2 SAS (led by Bill Stirling, David’s brother) and two French parachute battalions and an independent Belgian parachute company (about 200 men). Just as Mediterranean operations had required the SAS to work under different circumstances and terrain, so too would a return to parachuting and work behind enemy lines in France test the unit. Gone (were the days) when teams of four men with water bottles and a handful of dates, lightly armed – a few grenades in their pouches and Lewes bombs in a haversack – set out to stalk an enemy airfield. They would need more equipment - not only more of what they’d had before, but more equipment than those used to logistical planning for the airborne troops seemed to realise.

Resupply by the RAF was thought about, as were jeeps – better for getting men around but harder to conceal. Men on foot might prove more stealthy in the new rubber-soled boots, but these left distinctive footprints that could be tracked and, in any case, problems had shown up in training (the uppers were known to separate from the soles). Training patterns also needed adjusting. Early on Mayne had fought to prevent the SAS from being turned back into a regular Commando unit.

Now he was fighting amalgamation with the PARAs. Maroon caps were issued and his men instructed to wear them instead of their sand-coloured berets– Mayne told his men to hid the SAS berets in their packs until they could don them later out of sight of officials. On a more practical level too the SAS was butting up against what, by that point, had become conventional methods of training paratroopers. The latter had to learn to land in large groups during the daytime in open country, ready and able to engage in battle immediately. SAS parachutists needed to land in small teams, quietly and at night.

Mayne himself was involved in some of the war’s latter action. Most memorably on 10th April 1945, the push towards Berlin was underway. Near the village of Borgerwald, an SAS unit was ambushed and their commanding officer killed. Mayne took over the Jeep, manning the guns and some say he single-handedly rescued every wounded man by lifting them one by one from a ditch and into his jeep before destroying the enemy gunners in a nearby farmhouse. For this daring feat, he was recommended for the Victoria Cross. The citation was signed off by Field Marshal Montgomery himself but the award would elude Colonel Paddy. He received a 3rd bar on his Distinguished Service Order (DSO) and his name would be remembered as the stuff of legends.

Paddy Mayne’s service with the SAS would end as it began, with his commander Major-General Bob Laycock – who had been the one to recommend him to David Stirling – writing to congratulate him on his DSO:

“My Dear Paddy, “I feel that I must drop you a line just to tell you how very deeply I appreciate the great honour of being able to address, as my friend, an officer who has succeeded in accomplishing the practically unprecedented task of collecting no less than four DSOs. (I am informed that there is another such superman in the Royal Air Force). You deserve all the more, and in my opinion, the appropriate authorities do not really know their job. If they did they would have given you a VC as well. Please do not dream of answering this letter, which brings with it my sincerest admiration a deep sense of honour in having, at one time, been associated with you. Yours ever, Bob Laycock.”

Looking back at his legacy, many have wondered why he didn’t get the Victoria Cross. George VI publicly expressed surprise that Mayne had not been awarded a Victoria Cross. Some say it was because hot-headed Mayne, who’d become Lieutenant Colonel by the end of the war, had punched the second in command in his battalion during one heated exchange. Others say it was down to a technicality - because the raid in question was multiple acts of bravery, not a single act. The official SAS historian Ben Macintyre suggests that Blair Mayne was denied the Victoria Cross either because of his brawling, his anti-Establishment streak or his alleged homosexuality (rumours rather than factually proven it must be stressed). Blair Mayne mistakenly thought Churchill had personally blocked him because of his history of brawling against military superiors and drunken behaviour that perhaps offended Churchill’s purist views of being an officer. The truth seems to be that Churchill was said to have been saddened and shocked by the omission.

In 2005, 50 years after Mayne’s death, an Early Day Motion in the House of Commons supported by 100 MPs, proposed that, “the Government mark these anniversaries by instructing the appropriate authorities to act without delay to reinstate the Victoria Cross given for exceptional personal courage and leadership of the highest order and to acknowledge that Mayne’s actions on that day saved the lives of many men and greatly helped the allied advance on Berlin.” It was defeated.

Perhaps there was no conspiracy though. Some historians of the SAS Regiment have laid out a common-sense case for precisely why one would expect Mayne not to have won the VC: Because doing so required independent witness testimonies of a recipient’s brave deeds from high-ranking officers. Special forces work, by its very nature, made reaching this bar highly unlikely. Heroism would have been commonplace, but, for the most part, it was clandestine and often independent of senior officers.

Mike Sadler, now close to 100 years old, is the last surviving member of the original SAS. His feats of bravery during the war read like a movie script. He was decorated with the French Légion d’honneur at 98 Years old in 2018 . Mike Sadler joined the Long Range Desert Group in 1941 and was based in the North African desert.  Lieutenant David Stirling brought the SAS (Special Air Service) into service, and Mike Sadler was transferred to the new unit when they began launching raids in Libya. He became their top navigator as he had a unique talent for being able to navigate vast expanses of desert, without the aid of maps, to guide the raiding parties to their targets. He also served under Paddy Mayne from 1941 until the end of the war.

I have had the privilege to have met Mike on one or two occasions through both my older brother and father with whom they share a common friendship through military veteran circles (but belonging to different eras). Over a few lunches and dinners over the years, I was hooked on his anecdotes and was full admiration for his exploits.

Most memorably Mike recounted the time that while sitting in a restaurant in Paris surrounded by seven or eight soldiers Paddy Mayne took out a grenade, pulled the pin and placed it on the table. Several dived for cover but Sadler reckoned that Mayne wasn’t about to kill himself. He was right; Paddy had previously removed the detonator.

This atypical story added to the Olympian myth of Paddy Mayne. And yet the grenade incident in the busy café wasn’t the random act of recklessness it sounds like. There was method in the madness. Mayne was making an important point. Whilst responsible for French troops who were part of the Special Air Service Brigade in 1944, he’d been horrified by reports of improper handling of grenades. The French troops simply hadn’t been as familiar with infantry training as they should have been. So Mayne used the incident in the café to show it was possible to completely control a grenade if one knew what they were doing.

Sadler explained that like him all the men who served with Mayne had a huge respect and admiration, drawing from his comforting presence on missions. But for all that Paddy Mayne had no close friends, other than Eoin McGonigal, who helped persuade him to join the SAS and who was killed in the Benghazi raid, the very first SAS operation in 1941.

The sad truth is that Paddy Mayne cut a solitary figure, often to be found reading the darker poetry of AE Housman. Mayne was socially awkward with no idea how to talk to women even though they were attracted to this very big, athletic Irishman. He revered his mother and put women on a pedestal, refusing to tolerate swearing in their presence. He was shy until drink initially loosened his inhibitions but then transported him to far darker places. But for all that he wasn’t reckless with the lives of his men. He weighed up situations, was intuitively brilliant in terms of the guerrilla tactics he employed when orchestrating his night-time raids in customised jeeps deep behind enemy lines initially in Egypt and Libya.

Lieutenant-Colonel Robert Blair ‘Paddy’ Mayne was a fighting legend, and a pitiless killer in war. Even his comrades thought him cold-blooded and overly ruthless. Stirling thought Mayne had gone too far on occasions in killing the enemy. And yet Mayne typified the SAS recruitment policy, whose finds were the “sweepings of prisons and public schools”. In countless missions behind enemy lines, Major Paddy Mayne destroyed more aircraft than any fighter pilot on either side during the course of the war between Britain and Germany. He was to go on and become one of the most decorated British soldiers during the war.

Ben Macintyre, author of ‘Rogue Heroes: an authorised history of the SAS’ wrote: “It is not a story of unalloyed British bulldog heroism. These people were tough as tungsten but they were also human and frail and huge mistakes were made.”

Such men of war are not made for peace time.

Mayne sought further adventure in an Antarctic expedition but had to return home prematurely with a debilitating back condition, the origins of which came from his war service.

He took up a position as secretary to the Law Society of Northern Ireland until, returning from a night’s socialising on December 14th, 1955, he clipped an unlit parked lorry, and crashed into a telegraph pole on the Scrabo road, a few hundred metres from his house. Paddy Mayne died at 40 years old. He is buried in Movilla Abbey graveyard.

Hundreds attended Mayne’s funeral. His life was and continues to be commemorated in books, film. A statue in his native Newtownards stands in his honour. The town’s western bypass is also named after him.

A remarkable and complex character, he crammed a great deal into a life largely spent in the service of others, some of whom would have regarded him as a hero, although he, himself, would not.

King George VI asked Paddy Mayne how it was that he had not received the Victoria Cross, and he answered in a manner that sums up this courageous and remarkable man:

“I served to my best my Lord, my King and my Queen, and none can take that honour away from me.”

[sexycraisinthanos]

Fishing for more notes and validation, so here’s an ROTG fic I wrote

Word count: 3,613

Warnings: None, kind of angsty near the end

Jack learns more about being a Guardian and himself

Jack chewed a piece of grass, looking at the sky. He closed his eyes, smiling.

Then something dropped on his face.

He yelped and sat up. “What the?”

“Come on, Jack. You gotta get ready.” Bunny said.

“Ready for what?”

Bunny sighed, rolling his eyes. Not in an annoyed sort of fashion, but as if he were a child being forced to go to an event he hated. “It’s the Ceremony of Spirits.”

“Let’s pretend I don’t know what that means and you pretend to explain it to me.”

He sat beside Jack, resting his chin on his paw. “It’s this big celebration we all go to. A day of peace. Kind of like a stalemate. We all just gather around, eat, drink, talk, and have fun. It sucks.”

“Well you do hate fun.”

“We gotta dress up in our ‘traditional clothes.’ Something about how it shows we’re all just people at our core. And we can’t fight anyone!” He threw his hands up. “It’s the worst! Even worse than Christmas!”

Jack laughed, standing up, looking at the clothes Bunny had thrown on his face. “So I have to wear my old clothes. Okay...wait do you wear clothes?”

“You’ll see it. Just get changed. I opened you a tunnel that’ll lead to the Hall. See you there.”

He jumped down a tunnel, leaving Jack with more questions than answers.

After looking at himself in his change of clothes, he started feeling very aware that he didn’t have shoes. He took a breath and jumped down the hole.

The hole ended in front of a large castle. A very pink castle. Jack squinted his eyes and stepped back to get a better look and slipped, nearly falling backwards.

He looked down and his head spun.

The castle was in the air, a very good distance from the ground.

Where the heck was he?

A very rough pat on the back nearly caused him to fall forward, but he caught himself.

“Jack! I was wondering if you’d gotten invitation.” North laughed. “I kid. Attendance is mandatory.”

“Hey...so I have a few questions. Where are we, what’s going on, why are we in the sky, and why is that castle pink?”

Before North could answer, Jack jerked his head, seeing Pitch approaching. He reached for his staff, but North stopped him. “Jack, this is time of peace. Pitch is welcome here.”

“This doesn’t make sense. He literally tried to kill us!”

“Oh boohoo, Frost. You’re already dead.” Pitch said.

Jack scowled and stomped up to him. “I can send you back under the bed you crawled out from.”

A gust of wind filled the air and a tall woman appeared out of a whirlwind of flowers, approaching Jack. “Jack, maybe you weren’t told, but this is a time of peace and weapons nor magic will be allowed.” She took his staff.

“Who are you?”

“Mother Nature. Sweet, darling Mother Nature.” Pitch answered in mock praise. “She’s the reason I’m here. Emily, darling, so lovely to see you. I’m sure your father misses you very much.”

She quirked an eyebrow at him, saying nothing. “Jack, I’m sure you have questions.”

“Uh, yeah.” Jack said.

“This is the Ceremony of Spirits. Once a year all Spirits, good, bad, neutral, gather in a day of peace. To show that in any time of need, no matter the consequence, if we need each other, we will help one another.”

“That sounds dumb. Why are we in the air and why is the castle pink?”

“We’re in the air because Heartstrings doesn’t like company. And it’s pink because he likes pink.”

“Who’s Heartstrings?...Wait, like Cupid?”

As if waiting for a dramatic entrance, a young man swooped down, sporting large wings, pink messy hair, and a smug attitude. “Hello, loves. You must be Jack Frost. My name’s Apollo C. Heartstrings, but most people call me Heartstrings.”

“I thought Cupid was a chubby little baby with a diaper?”

He groaned, rolling his eyes. “I hate that depiction. Why would I be a baby in a diaper? Babies don’t even know how to use a bow and arrow!”

Jack pursed his lips and backed away. A firecracker whizzed past his ear and he spun around as another one barely missed his nose. “Whoa!”

“Oh great…” Bunny groaned, walking up. “THEY’RE here.”

“Who?”

“The twins.”

“What twins?”

“The Foolery twins.”

“Foolery-?”

A colorful puff of smoke filled the area and two very colorful teenagers in very colorful jesters’ outfits appeared.

The April Fools.

“Pleasure to meet you, I’m April and this is my brother Tom.” The girl grinned.

“That is awesome.” Jack said.

“Jack Frost. Oh we heard about you. That snowstorm to get kids out of school? Classic!” Tom said, shaking his hand furiously.

Jack pulled his hand away and stuffed it in his pocket. “Um...thanks.”

“It’s time to head inside.” Mother Nature said as the rest of the guests arrived. “Leave your weapons at the door.” She side-eyed the twins and walked inside as a magical forcefield went up.

Jack looked up in awe. “I’m guessing this is how you keep magic from being used inside.”

He followed them inside and sat in a chair.

Bunny and someone who appeared to be the Groundhog were arguing over a seat, ending with her pushing him to the ground and sitting calmly in her seat.

The castle was much larger on the inside than Jack imagined.

It was probably bigger than the North Pole.

But what surprised him the most was seeing Pitch casually enjoying a conversation with a spirit covered in flowers.

He smiled a little. Maybe there could be a chance for them all to get along.

Everyone was chatting and quieted down when Mother Nature stood at the front of the room. She cleared her throat and when she spoke, Jack realized how ethereal her voice sounded. Like it was everywhere at once. It was strong and harsh, but soft and comforting at the same time. He could tell he would not want to upset her.

“Welcome. Thank you all for coming. It’s good to see that we are continuing to see your faces after all these years. The same faces mean we have the same alliances. We do have a new face here. We welcome Jack Frost, newly-appointed Guardian. This is his first time at this event.”

The spirits looked at him. He sunk in his chair, unsure of what to say.

Thankfully, the room went quiet as the doors burst open. A wind so cold even Jack shuttered filled the room. There was a heavy stomping and with each step there was a jingle of bells.

“You aren’t having a party without me, are you?” A deep, growling voice that sent shivers down Jack’s spine asked.

He turned around, seeing a large figure approaching. Hooded in a dark red cloak, frayed and tattered.

Jack stared, confused, while everyone else had stood, readying to fight. “Oh, come now, you know there’s no violence allowed at these things.”

“Who are you?” Jack asked.

The figure turned its head, looking at Jack. The figure pulled its hood down and Jack’s stomach turned.

A beast. With large horns, both broken. A human eye, glowing red, an animal eye, a sickly yellow, with a horizontal pupil. Large, sharp teeth and a crooked jaw turned into a sneer. Covered in snow white fur. Even taller than North. Just staring at him made Jack feel a sense of dread.

“Who am I?” He laughed. “Never thought I’d have to introduce myself. Nowadays I just go by Krampus. And you must be Jack Frost. I’ve heard so much about you. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” He held out his large paw.

Pitch immediately stood defensively in front of Jack. “Don’t you have better things to do? Like eating garbage cans?”

He growled lowly. “Isn’t this a time of peace? Shouldn’t I be welcome?”

“No one wants you here.”

“Oh you wound me, Pitch.” Krampus looked at Jack. “I wasn’t always a monster, you know. I used to help children. I was the first Santa. Then Man in the Moon decided to replace me. Can you imagine? Me, a loving father, replaced by a man who spent his whole life robbing and killing!” He roared, motioning to North.

“You leave now or not even the grace of the Fates will save you.” Mother Nature said.

“Why were you replaced?” Jack asked.

“Because he wanted to eat children’s souls.” Pitch said

“I wanted to discipline children so they behave more, but one wrong spell and I turn into this. What did Manny do when he saw me like this? Did he look for a way to turn me back? Or did he turn his back on me? You know what that’s like, don’t you Jack? Manny seeing you in distress and then doing nothing to help?”

Pitch pulled Jack behind him. “You will leave or we’ll roast you and turn you into a stew!”

Krampus stepped back, not taking his eyes off of Jack. “I suppose there’s always next year. Pleasure to meet you, Jack.” He bowed and disappeared in a flurry of snow.

Something in Jack almost made him run after him. Seeing him felt...familiar somehow. As if he felt safe near him.

He shook his head and looked at the others. They were all on edge and looked at Jack.

“Why was I so important to him?” He asked, looking at Mother Nature.

She pursed her lips and glanced over at another spirit who nodded, standing. He quickly walked to another room.

“He’s just trying to get a rise out of us. It’s best to ignore him.” She looked to the others. “Carry on. I have to have a meeting with Time.” She turned on her heel and walked after the other spirit.

“Are you okay, Jack?” North asked.

“I’m fine...why is everyone so scared of him? He’s just another spirit.”

“Krampus is different...even bad spirits like Pitch...they still have souls. Krampus. He has none. His heart is...too consumed by dark to ever be good.”

“What happened with him?”

“I don’t know full story. I just know he tried to be stricter Santa and...did not end well.”

Jack looked at the door. Why did he want to go after him?

He stood up and flew out, ignoring everyone calling after him. 

Something was calling to him and he needed to find out what and why.

Jack scanned the area, looking for some form of a sign as to where Krampus went. 

A pull in his chest directed him towards a snowy mountain range.

As he got closer, the weather dropped, winds picked up, and snow spun in the air around him in the form of a snow storm. Both the unease and the bite of the snow were enough to make Jack lose feeling in his body. It was the first time he had ever remembered feeling cold.

He shivered, flying through the storm. There was definitely no doubt that Krampus was here. 

A strong wind knocked him out of the sky, hitting the side of a mountain. He groaned in pain, gripping the cliff face. 

This was probably a bad idea, but he had gone too far to give up. 

He took a breath and launched himself off the mountain and shielded his face with his arms. 

There it was again.

A pull in his chest. 

He looked around and saw a cave opening in the bottom of a mountainside. 

That’s where it wants me to go.

He flew down and landed in the opening. 

It appeared empty. And since he didn’t see anywhere else, Jack figured it’d be a good enough place to warm himself up.

He made his way toward the back of the cave in an attempt to get away from the storm brewing outside. 

Jack took a breath and sighed, closing his eyes. “What am I doing here?”

His head jerked up, hearing the crackle of fire deeper in the cave. He stood up and walked toward the sound. 

Smoke filled the air and Jack sighed with relief as it got warmer. 

As predicted, there was a campfire going. A rather big one. He quickly jumped, getting into a battle position when he realized Krampus was sitting a bit away, preparing some form of meat to be cooked. It was then, of course, that Jack realized that he had forgotten his staff.

“I wouldn’t try that if I were you, son. Ice doesn’t work on me.” He simply said, not looking Jack’s way. “Sit. I’m just getting dinner ready.”

Jack, too stunned to say anything in response, simply sat down. Krampus slowly walked over, setting a large slab of meat onto a skillet and sitting across from Jack. 

It was silent except for the sound of the fire and the sizzle of the food cooking. 

“So what brings you here?” Krampus finally asked.

Jack opened his mouth, but found no words.

He didn’t know.

He simply closed his mouth and sighed. 

That seemed to be an acceptable answer for Krampus. He grunted in acknowledgement. 

“I see. The fancy Guardian party bore you?”

“No. I mean, I don’t know. I left after you did. I...just needed to...I don’t know, talk? To you. I don’t know why I’m here. Something just told me to come find you.”

Krampus nodded. “This is what they feared, I assume.”

“Feared? Why?”

“Haven’t you heard? I’m a monster. You’re in danger around me.”

“Then how come I don’t feel in danger?”

“Because you’re young and stupid.”

Jack pursed his lips, unsure of how to respond to that. He had been pretty foolish in the past.

“Why are you...like this?” Jack finally asked. 

Krampus laughed, making the hairs on Jack’s neck stand. “Why? Writing a biography about me?”

“I...was just curious.”

Krampus took a handful of some vegetables, tossing them into the skillet with the meat and took a bite out of a carrot. “Well that’s a loaded question, I suppose. I was like you before. Human.”

“You were?”

He nodded. “Very. Had a wife. Kids. I was a hunter. Provided food for my people. Then I saved the wrong person and got stuck as Santa.”

“You were the first Santa. What happened?”

“You already know. I eat children’s souls, remember?”

“Maybe I want to hear your side of the story.”

Krampus laughed again. “Oh, there’s always only one side of the story that’s correct.”

“So it’s true then?”

“Do you think it is?”

“I don’t know what to think.”

“I’m not a good person, son. I’m the stuff of nightmares. Even Pitch is afraid of me. Centuries of loneliness turned me into this. I took bad children’s souls. Replaced them with good children so their parents could have the good child they wanted. Turned the bad ones into an army of underlings for me. Word spread around, Man in the Moon was furious and exiled me to this cave. Where the cold is too intense for anyone but me to survive.”

Jack said nothing. He was horrified at what he had heard. 

Stealing children’s souls to use them for his own selfish needs. 

His stomach turned a little. 

After a few more minutes of silence, Jack finally spoke. “Was that why you were turned into a…?” He was lost at what to describe him as.

“Monster?” Krampus asked.

He nodded. 

Krampus nodded. “Unfortunately, doing bad things will get you turned into a hideous beast. This is the result of the spell I created. When you create something designed to take souls, you start to lose yours slowly.”

“Why did you take the kids’ souls?”

“Well I couldn’t very well destroy their souls. That’d be cruel.”

Jack made a face, unsure if he was joking or not. 

“It started out as a way to find the best lost soul to replace my lost children.”

Jack smirked a little. “What? Couldn’t find yourself a Mrs. Claus?”

Krampus cracked a smile, but forced it back into his default scowl. “I only have room in my soul for my Mariana...Died so young...I was able to find her soul and take it before Death could. And my daughter’s...I was never able to get my son’s.”

“Why not?”

“His soul still wanders.”

“Like a ghost?”

“Of sorts.”

Jack sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “This is all a lot to understand…”

“Why did you come searching for me?”

“I don’t know...I just...felt like I needed to know about you. Something is calling to me here and I don’t know what.”

Krampus stood, moving the food off the fire. “Come with me.”

“Why?”

“I know what is calling to you.” 

He started off.

Jack was unsure of if this was a bad idea, but followed nonetheless. 

“Following a soul stealer into his dark and scary cave. Real smart idea.” Jack said to himself.

“I trust your gut.” Krampus said.

The cave opened up into a damp, humid cavern that was significantly warmer than expected. Stalagmites formed into shapes that resembled furniture. Torches lined every wall, lighting the space up, along with the hole in the top of the cave that allowed the moon to shine down on every surface inside. There were multiple tunnels that led to somewhere. 

Krampus ducked down, walking into one. Jack quickly flew after him. “Where are we going?”

“A place that not a lot of people have come out of.”

“Comforting.”

The tunnel ended and they stepped out into another room that looked similar to the main area of the cavern. Except the cave walls had been formed into shelves that held orbs filled with different colored smoke. 

“Whoa...what is this place?”

“This is where the souls I collect go.”

“These are souls?”

He nodded. “They’re not hurt, I promise. They don’t even know where they are. As far as they know, they’re living their normal lives.”

“They’re calling to me?”

“One of them.” He walked over to a stand where two orbs, one with brown smoke, another with bright pink, sat comfortably. 

Jack walked over. “Why would they be calling to me?”

“Because something wanted your family together again.”

“My family?” He picked up the pink one, looking at it.

Jack, come on! I wanna go play!

His little sister was in the orb. Laughing as she played with someone who looked like him. 

Someone who was him.

He dropped it in shock.

Krampus quickly dove to catch it and held it close. “Be careful! If you drop these, their souls are gone forever!”

“That’s my sister. Why do you have her!? Who are you!?”

He carefully set it back on the pedestal and looked back at Jack. Jack jumped, kicking him in the chest, pushing him back. 

Krampus grunted, catching himself. He stood, growling quietly. “Jack-”

“Let her go!” 

Wind picked up inside, rattling all the orbs. Snow spun around furiously and Jack shot a stream of ice out of his hands at Krampus, who knocked it away and roared. “If you keep up your tantrum, you’ll destroy every last soul in here and they’ll be gone forever!”

His voice echoed throughout the cave and Jack stopped, cowering a little. The wind and snow stopped and Jack stared quietly. He panted, looking around. “I told you. I had my wife and daughter’s souls saved. So I would never be without them.”

“You...they…”

“My son’s soul was never able to be captured because...it’s still around.”

“No...you’re lying.”

“I’m many things. A liar is not one of them. You, Jack…”

“Don’t say it.”

“You are my child.”

“I said SHUT UP!” A burst of cold shot through the room, freezing everything. 

Jack panted, clenching his fists. 

“Jack-”

He flew out of the cave, landing back at the Ceremony of Spirits, catching his breath.

The others ran up to him, crowding around him.

“Jack!” Bunny called.

“Are you hurt?” Tooth asked.

“Jack, you look terrible.” North said, holding his face, checking for any injuries.

Jack pushed them away. “Is he telling the truth?”

“What are you talking about?” Tooth asked.

“Krampus!”

They all quieted down, looking at him solemnly. 

“Is he telling the truth? He’s my dad?”

They said nothing, unsure of what to say.

“How long...how long have you guys known?”

“Since you were chosen.” Bunny sighed.

“So you all knew and were just going to hide it from me!? Why? You think I’m going to be as bad as him?”

“Of course not, Jack.” Tooth said, resting a hand on his shoulder.

He moved her hand away, glaring. “Do not touch me.”

“We’re sorry. We didn’t want you to freak out.”

“So you were just going to keep it a secret from me for the rest of eternity!? No wonder Bunny didn’t want me to be a Guardian...look at who my dad is.”

“Now that’s not true-” Bunny tried to defend.

Mother Nature moved to the front of the group. “I know this is a lot to process. I know what it’s like to have a bad spirit as a father.”

“Don’t! Don’t try to sympathize with me! All of you need to stay away from me!” Jack snatched up his staff and turned away.

“Where are you going?” Tooth asked.

“Away from all of you.” He flew off, wiping tears from his face. 

He landed, sitting inside a hole in a tree, curled up to fit inside.

Alone.

Maybe loneliness ran in his family.

Jack chewed on a piece of grass, staring up at the moon. He closed his eyes, crying.