#i just woke up so my thoughts probably arent all there but my emotions are

[touhouweed]

mechanically I adore Civ, I can spend hours upon hours playing what essentially boils down to a numbers game, but I can't help but feel uncomfortable with how Civ depicts and celebrates colonialism

[bitchybylershipper]

alright yall just got home from my first experience with an overnight camp and i have a few things to say

on the way up there we were driving along a river and i genuinely got so excited about it i started shaking and then my only thought was "i should probably go outside more often"

so i wasnt talking to anyone on the way up i was just chillin in the back of the 15 passenger van and then the girls in the seats in front of me wanted to talk to me or whatever on the last stretch of the drive so they were throwing goldfish at me to get my attention 💀

when everyone was trying to figure out which bunk they were taking it sounded like everyone was trying to decide on a sex position

it was like 11:30 and the lights were off and one of the girls was walking like REALLY heavy like a goddamn elephant or something and i was like jesus christ who tf is that

people forgot to turn off their school alarms so at 5:30 i woke up to a dog barking sound and it woke up everyone in the cabin EXCEPT the person whose alarm it was 💀

at 7:15 i woke up and wanted to take my counselors life because her alarm was windchimes and it was on like volume 110

im so autistic i forgot that other people actually change their clothes everyday so when i came back from the bathroom yesterday i was shocked to my core to see three girls without shirts on

i did not really know anyone yesterday morning so i didnt want to talk to ANYONE and then the camp leader was like hey youre quiet and i was like i dont have very much to say my friends arent here and then he assigned someone to try to include me which she really tried but i am so bad at holding a conversation with someone im not comfy around and she gave up and went to play vollyball 💀

after that the counsellor with the horrifying alarm was trying to make me feel included but i was Not Having It and i genuinely felt so bad for her for trying so hard when i was not in a good spot to talk to

at lunch yesterday i had two cups of coffee and was going crazy in the lodge like my senses were mega heightened and i was talking so fucking fast like those people at the end of goddamn commercials and then i found a drinking fountain and literally and actually lost my fucking mind

at one point i was supposed to go get my folder but when i tried to grab it i accidentally papercutted THREE of my fingers and i was like bruh how even tho i knew something like that was going to happen i was still shocked appalled when it did

around like 4:00 i was in the bathroom and my cheeks were like really red and warm and i was like oh shit sleep deprivation is catching up to me again anti-fever medication save me and then the camp leader said something about sunburns and i was like ohhhhh thats probably whats wrong with me

my (new) friend violet was putting hot sauce on her goddamn mashed potatoes last night (i have photo and video evidence of this i am being so serious) and then another girl was taking shots of hot sauce out of literal fucking olives like black olives from a can

we got lost on a hike at 10:00 at night last night 💀

after the hike we had a fire and smores and then we did something called an affirmation circle where we all took turns being the center of attention and everyone had to say something nice about us and i was like oh god what are they gonna say about me and then it was my turn and they were all so nice to me i was about to cry

our camp leader didnt want to have a turn in the affirmation circle but we all wanted to let him know how much we love and appreciate him (for most of us hes our trusted adult) and it got really emotional and then when we got back to the cabins everyone was crying

one of my counselors used to be a massage therapist and those of us who wanted one she was giving us massages and basically turned us all into playdough by the way it was sooo funny how the people with anxiety disorders had the most knots in their muscles (hehe. my shoulder hurts.)

at about 1 am there were like four different snores happening and i was about to lose it

i think i just barely went over my sweet spot of just enough sleep because when it was actually time to get up my eyes did Not want to stay open lmao

we had waffles for breakfast. violet put fUCKING HOT SAUCE ON HER GODDAMN WAFFLES. HOT SAUCE. ON HER GODDAMNFUCKING WAFFLES.

violet also downloaded ttpd while we were hiking last night and we listened to it in the car i love her sm 🫶

[bynextyear]

in all honesty, there are only two theories about life that seem realistic. a) there is no purpose, hence we need to set purpose ourselves and b) there is no purpose, and that's the beauty of all. at first, this realisation felt so fucking freeing. like, i can do anything..but in the end it wont matter. it gave hope, opportunities. but now, the doom is here. what's the point? in the end, it all goes black. so what's the point of trying? to build up a legacy i can be proud of when im taking my last breath? ive practically died once and when i woke up in the hospital my only thought was to get out of there so i can kill myself, which i did not attempt after all. it just feels so useless. nothing really seems satisfying anymore. i wanna try, do well in school, get a good job. but for what reason? i got no motivation, no discipline and i wish i gave enough fucks to build it. my only catharsis is 1-2x week smoking/ingesting of weed so i can chill out for few hours. thats all i got going. thats the only thing that saved me from further self destruction. but man, if i really was that saved, would i be writing here on tumblr again? im just struggling honestly. i dont know whats real and whats not and all i can do is theorise and pick what i wanna hear. but the answers arent concrete. is there an afterlife? surely, it wont be similar to religion heaven/hell. it doesnt matter what person you are here, you wont be rewarded nor punished. its all just a dream, a nightmare, whatever youd like to call it. i just feel so lonely, and its all my fault. my mom seems me as some fucking alcoholic and probably a junkie, trying her best to see a spark in me. and to be fair, shes the only family member that cares about me. my sister, way older, occupied with her own life. my father, doesnt even seem to deserve that name. its been a long time since ive given someone my trust 100%. its all just surface level now and im lost in emotions. i dont know what im feeling. just, doom, numbness. i cant even decipher those feelings anymore. i just wish i could be high all the time. its the only thing that calms me down, makes me feel better. fuck the plans, fuck everything. i just want to rest. i just want peace.

[welcometotheunknownlosers]

Had a revelation this morning (not really, i thought of this before but it particularly struck me this time)

But Scara,,, hating the Shogun is a (relatively speaking) new development

Cause when he woke up, its canon that he aint got no heart no more, and thus couldn’t feel (+ understand..? Maybe?) emotions

Its only when he gets to the forge and he meets Katsuragi, Nagamasa, and the gang (WHO HE CALLS HIS FAMILY. AAA) that he gets to witness emotions that arent whatever Ei was feeling at that time

So, he wouldn’t even have been ABLE to hate her anyway.

But, being at the forge is really important to his lore, not just because Katsuragi died.

It might just be me, but even though I know it, i tend to forget that like, scara’s a puppet and he was never exactly like,, a baby baby, like how you think of when you hear the word baby. Just a Littol guy.

But that doesnt mean that he NEVER was a baby. He was, just in the way dolls are. So.. when was he a baby? Or at the very least, some sort of child mind?

If you said the forge! That is 100% right. The people at the forge were the first people he ever had prolonged contact with (since technically he did know Ei, and likely Yae too). He’s still young, he doesnt know how people work, he was left alone with like,, nothing except his clothes, literally. So the people like Katsuragi, Nagamasa, Kinjiro, Nozomu, and Miyazaki, they were his FAMILY. They were the people he looked up to. They were the people that he learned from.

And since Scara is just a child here, not only does he take in knowledge of forging, and whatever else they taught him about the world, but he probably MIMICKED THEIR BEHAVIOR. Thats how a child learns how to act around others, copying those around them. And since he can’t feel emotion, what he’s really doing is creating an elaborate mask, that almost replicates what he would have been able to feel if he still had his heart, just it lacked any real feelings behind.

So why is this so important? 

Scara, canonically, believed everyone at the forge was good, upright, strong, and or gentle. 

But the forge is when he was met with (according to the cutscene) his second betrayal. And I would like to argue its the only of the three that can be accurately classified as a betrayal. Something happens -> Scara tries to help -> His “family” (More specifically, Nagamasa)  locks him up for that. It was Nagamasa who called him an “Abomination” (assumed, since it is he who calls scara “neither man nor mechanism”). Of course, Scara is broken out by Katsuragi —> some things happen here that arent relevant to my point —> he comes back, only to find Katsuragi dead. But Scara wasn’t there to see Nagamasa kill him. He didn’t witness the actual reason, probably, he was told by someone, that Nagamasa killed Katsuragi because he believed he betrayed him. 

And that is WHERE Scara “learns” that betrayal is linked with death (something we find he uses to describe what happened with his child) and with not wanting someone around anymore (why he subsequently labels Ei abandoning him as a betrayal). 

What’s more, is if we look at the aftermath of the Katsuragikiri-Nagamasa incident, it directly parallels with the death of Scara’s child

Nagamasa kills Katsuragi —> He throws the Daitatara Nagamasa, the weapon used, into the fires of the furnace

Something (probably Illness? Or Fatui if we want a conspiracy) kills the child —> Scara burns down the house with the body in it

Might that be a stretch? Probably. But to me it shows just how much influence these people had on Scara, specifically Nagamasa. While he saw Katsuragi as a friend, he likely saw Nagamasa as an authority figure. And we all know authorities are such g r e a t role models. (Also, im 99.99% sure that the Raiden Gokaden incident was also inspired by this, except I no longer know where to put it in my timeline of events so we will wait and see)

But the true extent of it is only shown once Scara gets his delusion.

His delusion, gave him access to emotions! Something he wanted!

But only the negative ones. Thus, suddenly he can accurately mimic the worst traits from everyone he met, and unfortunately, that includes Nagamasa.

Proud, Upright, Stubborn, Obsessed Nagamasa, gives these traits to Scara, who takes them, and because that is all that he can replicate, takes these traits, along with misguided beliefs that he made along his journey, and multiplies them tenfold. 

THAT is when he starts to enjoy being superior to others

THAT is when he becomes the most despised Harbinger

and THAT is when, such as how Nagamasa wished to remove himself from Chiyo’s misdoings and tried to prove that his family is still honorable despite what the Shogun might believe, Scara wishes to remove himself from the emotions that made Ei discard him in the first place and prove to her that he IS worthy of being a God

THAT is when he decides that he hates Ei

I forget what i wanted to put as my conclusion oh actually never mind i remember. I dont hold Nagamasa accountable as its not really something he had control of (except for killing Katsuragi. That one is on you buddy) i just think its neat and i might be totally wrong but who knows. Im not a psychologist lol.

[nialltlynch]

five favorite fics that I've written (for writer appreciation day)

tagged by kat @sleepy-skittles thank u thank u 😘😘

5. in the garden sleeps a messenger — one of two non birdverse fics ive posted!! the target audience for this fic was me, twenty some odd years ago. ((love u bitch 🥰🥰)) anyway. edea and seifer have Thee Most Interesting Dynamic. it is insane to me how little there is about them. theres mommy issues. theres a highly problematic age gap. theres a concerning power dynamic. theres a hot evil milf with a banger aesthetic. theres the time loop or whatever the fuck was going on there. succession of witches defined my life for over a decade. seifer is into petplay i know this i know this. theres SO MUCH to explore here and it's all so underutilized in the game. this fic honestly does not even begin to get into but i consider it a decent first exploration and hopefully when i have time and energy i can do it a bit more justice. as it is though i really enjoy it!!

4. without a me there is no you —

She has the same blush rounding her cheeks and the same quiet, nervous laughter as the young Mór many years ago who muffled her kisses on Niall's mouth.

this bit was floating around in my head with perfectly clarity when i woke up one day and i immediately wrote out about six hundred words surrounding it on my phone before getting out of bed. im really interested in the implications of niall dreaming a docile sweet mannered replacement wife and i thought it would be interesting to explore it a bit from mór's perspective because she would be so impossibly biased. also thought it would be interesting if she fucked above mentioned replacement. this was my first time really trying to inhabit mór which, let me tell you, is really hard when the only canon information is scraps.

3. ambilevous — oh handcat fic, my weird little brain worm. all my fics are elaborate, long overstayed jokes in one way or another but this one i wrote specifically because the concept was just sooooo silly to me. absolutely absurd. certified kk comedy hour. it is, in usual fashion, a thinly veiled exploration of the more fucked up lynch family dynamics and how the barns arent quite what they seem but of course it is.

2. smoke alarms, smoke — my first exploration of the lynch family 🥰 it means a lot to me. i love this fic. the idea of the barns as a beautiful fairy tale ending had always rubbed me the wrong way and of course i love the slow desolation of locations through those that inhabit it which, really, what is the barns if not a haunted house waiting to happen. thats the part thats lacking (unfortunate!!) but i did get to write declan as a sad sad little kiddy which is one of my few life joys. i loved it when i wrote it and i love it now (which is saying a lot). while it isnt everything i want it to be i do very much love what it is!

1. it's a gift to be simple, it's a gift to be free — my aurora character study and probably the best thing ive written thus far...maybe ever. i honestly have no idea what the fuck i was on when i wrote this but god i wish i could get it back. some of my personal favorite prose comes from this fic. its a very personal fic in that i centered the emotional core on some of my own life bullshit. stylistically i owe so much of this fic to catherine valente's comfort me with apples which i had read around then (as if it wasnt obvious). i had already been thinking about aurora and her role in the lynch family but reading that helped solidify the tone i really wanted. this is another fic i sat down, wrote, and edited all in one night. i think if i hadn't posted it then it would've languished in editing hell so im very happy with what i put out.

oh and the recurring knife thing was because i was having feelings about knife maintenance, as one does. (if anyone wants me to come over and sharpen their kitchen knives and make you dinner lmk)

ive seen this passed around and lost track of who's already done it so if you would like participate then i am tagging you now. enjoy ((:

[heyitsyn]

Put A Ring On It

a/n: lmao tooru would actually beat your booty if you ever date kags

anon request:  hii can i have a hc like the oikawa sister reader x iwa but now with kageyama?? like the reader is literally the princess of seijoh and never liked anyone until he met kags?? tysm! u make such a cute ff

requests open!!

he might not smile much but when he does, its the most beautiful smile I've ever seen

king and queen of the court??

lmao im getting chills

so since tooru went to kitagawa, it would be natural for him to want his baby sister to go there too right?

you are actually 2 years younger than tooru so that would make you about kags’ age

you are well-known throughout the school as oikawa tooru’s little sister and people also flocked to you since you got the good genes as well

but you were never interested in fear that they would take advantage of you for your brother or to just parade you as a trophy

anyways

you liked volleyball like your brother but you didnt want to play in a team so you just went to their practices to help the coaches

youve heard about this prodigy setter named kagayama tobio, who was also the grandson of a known volleyball couch

but youve only heard bad things about him

tooru lit rally comes home ranting and complaining about this new kid who is great at setting and you were just like, ‘okay and?’

‘y/n-chan! theres an outsider threatening to take your brother’s place! aren’t you worried for me?!’

‘nii-chan, its just volleyball’

‘just-just volley-! that’s it im disowning you’

while iwa just watches from the sidelines

oikawa just shouting and yelling in front of the fridge while you sit on the barstool while eating a banana, looking unbothered

keeping up with the oikawas part 2

you kinda knew him because kindaichi, who is your classmate, talked about kageyama, who was in kunimi’s class

‘tooru-nii never shuts up about him’

you complained to kindaichi one day

‘is he really that good?’

you knew the talent you brother had and the hard work he puts in volleyball as you were usually the one who woke up at night to help him with his knee pains

so you slightly understood his threatened feeling of this mysterious prodigy who just suddenly enters the team

‘he’s not terrible. maybe its because theyre the only setters in the team so oikawa-senpai is threatened about his position being taken’

‘but as long as he’s not a starting, then no foul done right?’

wrong

unfortunately, you were there to see tooru break down during practice when kageyama asked him how to serve

since you usually walked home with your brother and iwa-chan,

get yourself protective brothers

you were forced to wait until he was done with practice

captain duties and all that

and you were getting tired of just waiting in the cold so you go in the gym to tell off your nii-chan when you see him raise his hand at this tobio boy

‘iwa-chan!’

you shriek and he was able to stop tooru from hitting their underclassman

‘oi! oikawa tooru!’

kageyama looked horrified and was so scared that he dashed off

ngl, you felt bad for him and you knew that your brother was probably just overwhelmed w the incoming interhighs and he was just getting frustrated

so when iwa nodded at you that he got tooru, you went after kageyama, who was tossing the ball up in the air

he tossed it up once, expecting it to come back down but you snatched it right up

he turned to see a girl who looked exactly oikawa-san and he backed away

you saw him step back and you pouted

‘ehhh~? am i that scary to you, kage-chan?’

omg the way you even talk was like him

‘are you oikawa-senpai’s sister?’

hes heard little about you from kunimi

you nodded and gave him a smile before sticking a hand out

‘oikawa y/n, at your service’

‘ah, k-kageyama tori-bio’

you giggled at his flustered look 

‘what is it? torio? tobio?’

ofc you already knew but he was so cute to tease

‘i-it’s tobio’

he was red at the embarrassment of messing up his own name but you thought he was so cute and a bean

you heard from kunimi that he wasnt very social and mostly keeps to himself or the volleyball team

‘sorry about my nii-chan, kage-chan. hes just stressed right now. dont worry, he’ll come around. i’ll make it up to you in his place, okay?’

your eyes scrunched up as you smiled to try and diffuse the situation and save your brother’s arse

he owes you

‘its okay. its also my fault for pestering him about it so i should apologize’

omg this boy is ADORABLE

DLKAFDKLJAFALSFEJISLKDJ

‘tobio-chan!’

you shrieked before hugging him and nuzzling your face into his shirt

‘youre so sweet! you dont have to do anything!’

he was actually taken aback by your expressive personality and wasnt used to being fawn upon, especially by a cute girl

he remained frozen on the spot and you worriedly let go, thinking he stopped breathing

‘tobio-chan? did you die?! tobio-chan!’

from then on, you just seemed to see him everywhere

for months you didnt even know this boy but suddenly, after the accident, you were just seeing him everywhere

from your classroom, you’d see him at the yard with kunimi and kindaichi as they toss the ball around

i will always think that this trio were initially friends at the beginning!

he seemed to be a very shy boy and was constantly trying to keep his emotions on check

but you saw the smiles whenever he thinks the two arent looking

that was probably why you absolutely had the biggest crush on this boy

but you didnt realize that you had a crush on him

you just wanted to help him come out of his shell and help him smile more bc it was so beautiful

so you cornered him by his locker one day and your cute smile made his cheeks go on fire

‘FIREEE~~~~ BULTORUNE!!’

‘tobio-chan! i want to be your friend!’

he was SHOOK

girls never really talked to him, much less his frightening captain’s cute sister

no words came from him as he just looked at you with wide eyes 

‘o-oikawa-san?’

you pouted at the formal use of your name

‘haaa?! tobiio-chan! call me by some cute nickname too~!’

you crossed your arms and stomped your foot on the floor

omg no stop this at once little girl

he turned even redder and quickly stuffed his things in his bag before dashing off

‘eh?! tobio-chan!’

his days were filled with that

you were constantly yelling his nickname with a smile when you would see him and he would blush then run away 

even during practice, you would basically act as their manager by giving them their towels and water

but it was obvious that you would pamper kageyama more

that irritated your brother

he dragged you home one day and was basically interrogating you

‘n/n-chan, youre not having a crush on that bastard kageyama are you?’

you glared at your brother, offended at the way he called tobio

‘don’t call him that, nii-chan! i will hit you!’

you shrieked and punched his gut

‘HES NOT GOOD FOR YOU, N/N-CHAN! HES A THIEF!’

tooru shouts and thus began the arguments between your fascination with kageyama

but you didnt care because you intend to uphold that promise and reach that goal through

all you wanted was to see tobio smile freely

one day, you were walking to school earlier than your brother when you saw kageyama at the intersection

your eyes lit up and you bounded up to him

‘tobio-chan!’

his eyes widened and he quickly turned around to walk away

ngl that hurted a bit

‘tobio-chan?’

that small voice made him stop and his head turned to look at your watering eyes

‘tobio-chan, do you not like me?’

you were so used to being liked and fawned over your entire life that the thought of somebody not liking you was so hurtful

maybe thats why you liked kageyama tobio though

he was focused on running away from you rather than going to you

for the first time, you would have to be the one who chased rather than being the one running

kags was worried bc his sister always told him to never make a girl cry and here he was, watching your eyes tear up

‘y/n-san, please dont cry’

you watched him walk to you and shakily wipe your tears away

a smile formed on your face at the touch of his fingertips and you hugged him

lmao we really bokuto 2.0

kags didnt know what to do bc if he hugged you back, that would give you a wrong impression of him wanting to be your friend

but he didnt want friends, he just wanted to play volleyball

but he smelled a faint strawberry scent from your hair and he unconsciously leans in, wrapping his arms around your body

at the feeling of him returning your affection, you giggled and tightened your arms around him while burying your face in his chest

‘do you want to be my friend now, tobio-chan?’

you were so insistent on being a friend that kageyama was touched at your efforts

he was just like

f it shes pretty and nice, its fine

he nodded

and thus began a cute friendship

well, more like a one-sided friendship since you were the more lively one than him

you would run to his classroom with kindaichi and eat with kags and kunimi

you would give him parts of your bento and you would hold his hand

thisgirl does not know personal space

one lunch period, you were all eating lunch when you were suddenly thirsty

you let go of kags and stood up, making the boys look at you

‘im thirsty so ill get something. want anything?’

they shrugged and told you to get whatever so you skipped to the vending machine

yall idontknow how to skip so i just kinda gallop

you got banana milk for you and random things for kindaichi and kunimi

but you didnt know what to get kags

you thought you would know since youve started being friends a few weeks ago but you really didnt know what drink he liked

so you chose the only blue thing they have

you went back to the classroom and gave their drinks but you sheepishly smiled when you gave kags his milk

‘i didnt really know what you liked so i got a blue carton because your eyes are blue and they reminded me of you’

kindaichi and kunimi gave you a disgusted look while kageyama blushed at the thought

this folks, is why kagellama tobiyolo is in love w that blue carton of milk

slowly but surely, kageyama has started opening up to you and you were so happy that he was starting to smile more around you

it took a few months but you were finally considered a friend

ofc tooru was deeply unhappy about this and always tried to foil plans between you and him but you were not having that

he was even harsher during practice but since youre always there, you would take a page from iwa’s book and yeet a ball to his face

‘i will hit you, nii-chan!’

it was a shock to the school that you were actually showing interest to someone since you rarely gave anybody else a second glance

and it was to this shy boy, kageyama tobio, no less!

when oikawa tooru has finally graduated, you breathed a sigh of relief 

you were bumped up to best friend by kageyama and you always walked home with him

iwa-chan liked you (in a brotherly, platonic way) enough that he would even keep tooru in his house so you could hang out with kageyama longer

also, kags has finally came up with a nickname for you and has finally called you by something informal!!

imsoproudofhimohmygosh

‘n/n-chan, my mom’s cooking tonkatsu tonight. you wanna come?’

he asked you one night and you nodded eagerly, excited at the mention of your favorite food

‘yes! you dont even have to ask!’

you hummed as you skipped down the road, still holding his arm, and excited to meet his family

but to kags, this was a way more serious affair

youve never met his family before and hes worried that they might embarrass him in front of this cute girl

and he was right

when they stepped in, his sister, who was back from college, peaked and saw her little anti-social baby brother with a really really cute girl

‘mom! tobio brought a girl home!’

he shuts his eyes in frustration but you squeezed his hands

‘dont be nervous, tobio-chan. im right here, okay?’

oml he doesnt deserve you

his mom was so excited that he even had a friend and quickly finished dinner

you bowed in front of his parents and sister before introducing yourself

‘hello, my name is oikawa y/n. its really nice to meet you and thank you for inviting me to your lovely home’

‘omg oikawa-chan is so nice! dig in, everyone!’

kageyama met the eyes of his family and his heart swelled at their approval

it made him like you more

waitt, like?

like, as in, romantic?

like as in, i like you more than a best friend?

like, as in, i want to be your boyfriend?

he choked at that last thought and you hurriedly gave him his water, patting his back

‘daijobu, tobio-chan?’

no luv, life is not daijobu right now

he nodded before sighing in relief

one look at your face and all the thoughts started happening again and he turned even redder

dear god, he actually had a crush on you

nah, itll go away

right?

nope

this is a fanfiction kags, youre meant to fall in love with us

at the passing of his grandfather, tobio was an actual wreck

an emotional, mental, and physical wreck

he skipped school and constantly practiced at the backyard and refused to eat his meals, wanting to stay outside with his ball longer

at his second day of absence, you went straight to his house and when his mom opened the door, she gave you a sad smile and pointed to the back

you saw him trying to do a serve only for him to miss and hit his head before shouting curses

never have you seen him miss a serve

you studied his appearance and your hands trembled

his eyes were red with even more red around his eyes, chapped lips from the constant biting and the bruised knuckles from probably punching something

the last time you saw him was at the funeral after he asked you to go with him and you were so worried that he would turn out like this

‘tobio’

you softly called out and he paused, not moving to get the ball

he heaved a wheeze before choking out a sob

you ran straight to him and gathered him in your arms, cradling the back of his head to your shoulder

throughout your friendship, tobio has never been so affectionate

but right now, you were the only thing that made everything seem normal and he held on to you, so afraid that you might disappear too

as if knowing his concerns, you ran your hands through his hair

‘sshhh, it’s okay. im right here. im not going anywhere, tobio. im right here, okay?’

even you were hurting

everything started because you thought he was beautiful when he smiled so you made it your mission to keep that smile alive forever

but when hes sobbing and in pain, it gives more value to that smile because underneath all that, he was just a shy little boy who had a passion of volleyball

you didnt want to say anything to him but everyone knew that he wasnt exactly the same tobio

if anything, he was much harder with himself and trained even harder

he was staying later in the gym and he was starting to snap at everyone, even kindaichi and kunimi

they got into a massive fight during practice and everyone went home angry but he stayed after, putting his frustrations into doing jumping serves

you watched from the sidelines and when you saw him fall, you rushed over and gently patted his face to get rid of his sweat

‘tobio-chan, let’s go home’

he shook his head

‘no! i need to perfect this-!’

‘tobio-chan, lets go home’

your voice became stronger and firm so he hung his head low

‘you dont understand, y/n. i need to be strong and i want to be the last standing on the court’

you flashed a crooked smile

‘did you forget who my brother is, tobio-chan? i suffered through it with nii-chan so im not going through it again, especially with you. so come on, lets go home’

everyone in the school became wary of the former shy boy who seems to glare at everything and everyone

you were even told, straight to your face, that you were wasting time being his friend

‘ne, y/n-chan. kageyama-kun is so mean so you should stay away from him, okay?’

you glared at them before slamming your book close

‘say one more word and i will shove this book down your throat so youll never be able to utter a single sound ever again’

go off sister!!

you stayed with kageyama, even if he got frustrated and got angry at you, but he was your best friend and youve been friends for years

and you still want to see his smile

tooru was practicing a lot again and your sister and takeru were at tokyo for a trip so you were home alone

so you texted kageyama that you were coming over and he didnt respond which you took as a sign of agreement

so at your trek to his house, you hummed as you swung the bag full of meat buns and cartons of milk when you saw your 3 friends

you were about to shout and raise your hand when you saw kindaichi harshly push kageyama back and kunimi separating the two

‘you-!’

kunimi saw you and hissed at the two

‘stop this right now. y/n-san is over there’

you shouldve known then that everything was falling apart

at this point, you were the only one he let in as his family was too afraid to push him too far

you should be happy, right?

he was smiling around you and only you

only you were able to see such a beautiful thing

but now,

you were not happy with the way he acted towards everybody

during that iconic game in his last year of middle school, he pushed you away too

the locker room was tense and kindaichi was about to yell at him when you knocked 

‘tobio-chan, can we talk?’

he wordlessly threw the towel down and hefted his bag before going outside to follow you

omg im getting flashbacks from my shirabu ff from yesterday

you grabbed his hand and pulled him in for a hug

youve given him many hugs before but this time, it was so strong and different than the others

his arms were around your shoulders while yours was around his torso due to your height and your head was leaning against the place where his heart would be

‘im going to seijoh, tobio-chan’

you paused, gauging his reaction

he didnt say anything, just keeping you in his arms

not iwa-level-bara arms but a healthy-muscular-arms

‘tooru-nii wants me to spend one more year with him before he goes to college and theyre saying my grades are enough to keep me there. but if you dont want me to go, i wont’

‘what? why wont you? its a good school and you deserve it’

his grumbles were still frustrated but he was rather calm whenever he talks to you

‘you wont miss me then, tobio-chan~?’

he could feel you pouting and that made him smile

‘i wont since youll come over to my house everyday’

you pulled your head away with mock surprise

‘everyday?! tobio-chan~! youll really miss me~!’

so you went your separate ways

but you spent every day of the summer together 

much to oikawa’s dismay

and during your first day, he was reluctant to let you go

for 3 years you walked together at the same direction to the same place

but now, youd have to part ways at the same intersection

you softly smiled and giggled when he refused to let go of your hand

im busting uwus just writing this yall

my fingers said ‘free reign!’

‘tobio-chan~! i’m going to be late~!’

you playfully whined and gently pulled your hand from his grasp

but he didnt let go, still holding your hand while the other was in his pants pocket

‘we should skip today, n/n. we can go get meat buns and popsicles and-’

you walked back to him and wrapped your arms around his torso, chin rested on his chest so you could look up to him

‘as much as i want to, my grades and attendance need to be high, tobio-chan~’

he scoffed, ruffling your hair

‘once i become a professional player, you wont need to work. i can support us by myself’

bruh hes already thinking they would get married or something

you scrunched your nose in distate

‘i want to make something of myself. i was given a life so im going to live it’

‘but that means spending less time with me and-’

‘tobio-chan, i know what youre doing. stop stalling and let me go to school already~!’

‘no!’

he refused and caged you in his arms while you wiggled and laughed

‘ill see you later! i promise! now i need to go or nii-chan will yell at you~!’

with great reluctance, he let you go to school, pouting and everything

that cute pout he has oml

as your figure became smaller the farther you walked, you turned around and saw him still standing there and when he saw you look at him, he raised a hand

you jumped and cupped your hands around your mouth

‘MISS YOU ALREADY TOBIO-CHAN!’

i reference my previous works constantly

pedestrians looked at you weirdly and looked at kageyama too causing him to get flustered and run to school, your laughter echoing behind him

seijoh was already expecting the arrival of oikawa’s cute little sister and once you appeared, woohoooo

you got your own fanclub of ladies and genitals

they flocked over to your desk after tooru and iwa dropped you off at your classroom during lunch

‘ne, oikawa-chan, do you see anyone cute today?’

‘iwaizumi-senpai is cute, dont you think?’

‘no! yahaba-senpai is cuter!’

‘matsukawa-senpai and hanamaki-senpai are not bad’

we have matsuhana rights in this household

but you remained quiet, focusing on your phone as kageyama complained to you about some tangerine looking fool

‘oikawa-chan!’

that caught your attention and you smiled gently

‘hm?’

they giggled at your rosy cheeks

‘she has a boyfriend, probably’

you shook your head

‘no. i dont’

‘well, do you have anyone you like?’

you thought about it and shrugged

‘ive never really liked anyone before. i dont care about having a boyfriend either since my brother and tobio are enough for me’

that traveled quickly and soon, everyone was trying their best to woo the little princess oikawa

from lunch suggestions to study dates,

they all wanted to be closer to you

but you always refused,

‘tooru-nii wants me to eat lunch with him’

‘im hanging out with tobio-chan after school’

‘iwa-chan doesnt like you so no’

lmao yes

you were famous around the school for the way everyone treated you and catered to your needs to gain your favor

exactly like a princess

the princess of aoba johsai

the princess of seijoh

she ruled the court alongside the Grand King Oikawa and everyone practically worshipped them

everyone wanted them to like them, just a little bit, but you remained closed off to romantic relationships

when tobio texted you about the upcoming seijoh practice match, you were bouncing on your heels in excitement as you waited for them in the gym

kindaichi and kunimi were rolling their eyes at you

the other members of the team knew of you and were confused at your behavior

‘her boyfriend’s on the karasuno team’

‘the king of the court’

‘eh?! boyfriend?!’

‘y/n-chan, can you hand me my bottle?’

he wasnt answered as you shrieked and sprinted straight to kageyama who appeared at the door

‘tobio-chan~!’

you launched yourself and latched yourself to him, tobio immediately supporting you

‘geez, n/n, not in front of everyone’

you giggled

‘i missed you so much, tobio-chan~!’

‘then transfer over’

‘i cant do that! you know that!’

everyone was S H O O K

‘is she,,,, your girlfriend, kageyama?’

daichi and suga asked but the boy turned red before shaking his head

‘my friend’

‘ehhh?! you have friends?!’

hinata shut up i swear-

you cheered him on despite being on the other team 

you got even louder when you saw your brother playing and he complained about your loyalties

‘you cheer on for your boyfriend but not your brother?! what is the meaning of this n/n-chan?!’

you rushed to give him a towel when he motioned you to do it for him like you always did

‘i want a girlfriend too’

‘we’re not dating you idiots!’

kageyama shouted from the sidelines to the orange hair kid

‘but you act like,,, that’

you smiled

maybe dating tobio wouldnt be a bad idea

i mean, hes cute, adorable, talented, funny, nice

you could deal with it

‘so youre syaing, we act like it already?’

you questioned towards the grey-haired guy who nodded

‘whaddya say, tobio-chan? should we hurry up and put a ring on it?’

he spluttered, almost choking on his water

‘r-r-RING?!’

‘well, you said youd support us in the future, right?’

‘i mean-yea-but’

‘okay then its settled’

both teams gawked at you while kageyama was too busy trying to not have a nosebleed or a heart attack by how fast his heart was beating

you turned to your brother who was looking like his entire world was crumbling

‘OI TOORU-NII! TOBIO-CHAN AND I ARE NOW DATING AND WE’RE GOING TO GET MARRIED!’

oikawa screamed

yall this is so long im--

[starlight-writes-stuff]

hey! i sent in the ask for the party fic with ethan (which was so good holy shit) and i was hoping you could do the SFW alphabet for him? can I be ⚙️ anon, as well? (get it?)

⚙️anon (thats so clever ily for it) , welcome !! im sorry this took me forever , but here’s your sfw alphabet - this came so easy to me i spend too much time consuming ethan content - anyway ! i really hope you enjoy this ((: reblogs are always appreciated <3

AYO LOOK AT THESE : soft , fluffy ethan content , no tws ! also , yall rockin with the new blog theme ⁉️

a = affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)

ethan is incredibly affectionate in all senses of the word- big gestures, small moments, and everything in between. he brings you flowers or food quite often, just something small to show you that you were on his mind while he was out and about. you two would have a designated date night once a week where he’d clear his schedule to spend quality time with you; either taking you out to dinner or cooking and watching movies at home with spencer. also, ethan would definitely go out of his way to do little things around the house to help you out - washing the dishes, vacuuming, folding the laundry. however, ethan wouldn’t shy away from larger gestures of affection, either: he’d take you on surprise vacations or road trips for holidays or anniversaries. 

b = best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)

being ethan’s best friend would be so much fun. he’s definitely the kind of guy that would send you a text when he was 10 minutes away from your house because he was bored and wanted to go do something together. you’d never be bored around ethan- he can talk for hours, and would 100% know how to make you laugh, even if the two of you were just chilling on the couch. a friendship with ethan would be filled with adventures; concerts, midnight snack runs, campouts in the backyard and lots of fun with spencer. 

c = cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)

yes, 100%. thinking back to unus annus, ethan was a vvv touchy guy with mark, and i think that would only be amplified with his significant other- touch is one of his love languages, for sure. he’d be the type to always have some soft of physical connection; a hand on your thigh while he drives, mindlessly drawing patterns over your skin while your working, aways holding your hand in public type beat. if ethan wasn’t getting your attention when he wanted it he, would not hesitate to pick you up over his shoulder and carry you to the closest soft surface before plopping you down and wrapping you in his arms. i think he’s probably a fan of having you laying on your side, facing him so that he can hold you, but still see your face/ talk to you. he’d also love laying on your chest because he’s such a boob guy but that’s a conversation for another time ,,,,,

d = domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)

i think that if you and ethan were committed and had been dating for a while than he would absolutely want to settle down- but i feel like dating ethan would also include being around each other all the time (constant sleepovers while you aren't living together) so it wouldn’t be that drastic of a change. while he was living on his own, though, ethan obviously had to take care of himself, so he taught himself to cook and clean and do general, domestic tasks. i think he’d be a really good partner when it came to things around the house like that; ethan would always do his fair share and would pick up anything that you needed him to. 

e = ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

ethan just comes off as a very feeling, sensitive person (his brand is literally soft boy what do u expect), so i think breakups would be really hard for him. he wouldnt break up with his s/o until he was 10000000% positive that it as the right choice, and had thought through it multiple times. even then, it would rip his heart out to end things- he wouldn’t be afraid to show his emotions. ethan would definitely break up with whoever he was dating in person- he knows that he owes them that.

f = fiance(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)

okay, this one is up in the air for me. i definitely feel like ethan would settle down with his person and be completely loyal to them- thats a no brainer. i just don’t know how he feels about marriage? i feel like ethan wants a life partner, i just dont know if he would marry them. (this could 1792049384% be my personal bias peeking through because i think marriage is fkn weird, but for some reason i think he would too ????? maybe thats just me)

g = gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

ethan is just ,,,,, soft hearted, dude. he’s just gentle in general. i think emotionally he’s a total teddybear, and he feels all his emotions incredibly deep- he rules with his heart, for sure. he wants to make sure that everyone around him is happy, and if they arent, it would affect him more than he’d like to admit. physically, ethan can vary- like i said, he’s always touching you in some way, but i think he’d be down for getting a little rougher in bed when you guys want to. 

h = hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)

ethan is an envelope-the-whole-ass-person kinda hugger, hug-with-your-whole-body type deal. if you look at pictures from unus annus, even old old pictures from the tour he did w/ mark, ethan is always completely wrapped around someone, hugging them with everything in him. i think if his s/o was shorter, he’d love to stack his head on top of theirs, and if y’all were around the same height, he’d bury his face in your neck. he’s very huggy- when you’re out and about, he’s always hugging you from behind, pulling your body closer to his. i also think ethan would love koala hugs, where he was sitting and his s/o wraps their arms and legs around him- he’d sit like that forever, rubbing up and down your back.

i = i love you (how fast do they say the l-word?)

hhhhhhhhhh don't clock me for this one, yall- if ethan was feeling some type of way, he would tell you. i don't think the length of the relationship would matter as much to him as the intensity and depth of his feelings; if ethan really truly loved you and wanted to say it, he would. he’d definitely preface it with the fact that you didn’t have to say it back, that he just wanted to get it on the table and out of his head. 

j = jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)

ethan would be very secure in his relationships, and i think it would take a lot to get him jealous. however, when he was,,,,,,,, it wouldnt be pretty. like, at all. if it was a situation where someone was hitting on his s/o, he wouldn’t step in until you’d already tried to get them to leave you alone- not because he didn’t want to, but because he knew that if he did, it would get ugly. when he did step in, he’d start by saying something (not kindly worded, but to the point), and if that didn’t work i don’t think ethan would be above getting physical- he’s extremely protective of you. 

k = kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)

I THINK ABOUT THIS A LOT AND I HAVE SO MANY THINGS I'D LIKE TO SAY SO THIS ONE’S GOIN IN BULLET POINTS , GANG

okay- ethan loves to kiss you. he just loves kisses- they feel so personal and intimate to him, and he kisses you all the time, everywhere

he’ll dip you and kiss you in the middle of the grocery store aisles, he dgaf

but i think his favorite spots for kissing you would be your forehead, your lips (duh), collarbones/shoulders, down your spine and on your inner thighs hngggggg

but it goes vice versa too

ethan wants ALL your kisses . all of them , everywhere

He’s such a sucker for you kissing his neck and you cant talk me out of that (:

l = little ones (how are they around children?)

cute. literally so cute. i think that ethan would love other people’s kids, but definitely doesn’t want any of his own- at least, not right now. however, with other people’s babies he is S O F T; he loves to hold them, and would absolutely offer to try and calm a crying baby down, rocking them and singing soft lullabies to calm their woes. i also think that he would LOVE toddler aged kiddos- like 3-6. he’d be cool uncle ethan, playing catch with them, taking them to the park, finding games to play and always letting them win. he’d totally try to teach them how to ride their bike, or how to do a cartwheel, or how to jump off the swings for maximum height. ethan would totally bring them a fun lunch at school or sneak the kid’s favorite candy over to them and eat it together in a secret spot.

m = morning (how are mornings spent with them?)

mornings with ethan would be slow and lazy and filled with golden light filtering in through the blinds. if he woke up first, ethan would be as soft as humanly possible in order not to wake you up & would sneak downstairs to make coffee and start breakfast for the two of you, sometimes bringing it up to surprise you with breakfast in bed. the two of you would spend an hour (at minimum) in bed together, waking up and peppering each other with soft pecks all over. i think ethan would be extra soft™ in the mornings- he’d be super cuddly and affectionate. 

n = night (how are nights spent with them?)

nights spent with ethan would always hold a sort of unexplainable magic- there’s something about the thought of falling asleep next to him thats just so… comforting? he’d be so warm and easy to fall asleep with, all soft and hazy and gentle; he’d fall asleep holding you as big spoon, but when y’all woke up he’d be wrapped in your arms, laying on your chest. also, if you were having a hard time falling asleep, ethan would stay up with you, talking through whatever was on your mind even if he was barely able to keep his eyes open. 

o = open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

i think that ethan would open up more and more as the relationship progresses, going along with the natural advancement of things unless something happened that made it crucial for him to open up; if that did happen, though, you wouldn’t have to pry anything out of him. ethan is a pretty honest, open person and wants to be transparent with you always- trust is something that he values above all else and he wants to remain very truthful with you.

p = patience (how easily angered are they?)

ethan is incredibly patient and understanding- it would take a lot to truly upset him. sure, the two of you would get into little tiffs here and there about stupid things, but the small arguments would be resolved within the hour with lots of hugs and kisses and soft “im sorry”s. however, if yall managed to get into a big argument, i think it would take ethan a bit to calm down and he would want to put some space between you two while he did- not to anger you any further, but to make sure that he didn’t say anything he didn't mean. ethan has a bit of a temper while he’s angry, and he wouldn’t want to say anything just to hurt you out of anger. after he cooled off he would come back and be willing to re-examine whatever had caused the issue with fresh eyes. 

q = quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

if you’ve watched ethan ever, you know that the sweet bby doesn’t remember shit (cue the instagram live thats purpose was to help him remember a word)- but listen. i think that ethan would go out of his way to hold on to little pieces of information about his s/o, and would put so much effort into trying to remember little details. he’d store them in his brain (things like your favorite flower, the brand of chocolate you like best, etc) and reference them when he needed. 

r = remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

a couple moments would stick out to ethan - when y’all first met being his favorite. he’d remember every detail of the moment he was first introduced to you; what you were wearing, where you were, what y’all had been doing that night. it was something that he though about a lot, actually- he loved to reflect on the way you’d blushed as he’d introduced himself, how you’d hugged him at the end of the night. 

s = security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)

ethan isn't possessive, but he is incredibly protective of you. he secretly hates whenever someone flirts with you, even if it’s strictly platonic- you're his s/o, and he doesn't want anyone thinking any different. like i said earlier (reference letter j), ethan wouldn’t be afraid to step in and put someone in their place of they were getting a little too friendly. he likes when you’re protective of him as well, even if its something very subtle to show that he’s spoken for, such as calling him a nickname or dropping a kiss on his cheek.

t = try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

romantic ethan my belOVED- he would try so hard. ethan would plan surprises for you for weeks before they would unfold, even roping your family and friends into his schemes. He’d be so creative with date ideas too; picnics, art classes, different seasonal excursions around california. For bigger occasions like anniversaries, holidays, birthdays and all that, ethan wouldn’t hesitate to go bigger- i definitely think he would take you traveling. he wants to see the world with his love :,)

u = ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)

ethan bites his nails, which is why he’d had you paint them- he’s trying to break the habit

he’s a very sweary human, but so are you; the only issue is he has no filter and accidentally swears in front of kids all the time lmao

v = vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)

eh. ethan is more particular about certain aspects of his appearance over others, but he’s generally well put together. he likes for his hair to look good, though- that’s the one thing that he’s picky about. 

w = whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)

ethan is his own person and is able to function on his own, but the two of you have developed a sense of codependency with each other, like any couple does. he can’t see his life without you at all anymore, and would much rather have you around than not. the two of you have fallen into a flow together- you and him against the world. life is much easier when you have another person on your team, and he’s honored that he gets to play that role for you. 

x = xtra (a random headcanon for them.)

(this may or may not be a lil hint to a fic i'm working on shshhshshhhhhhhh)

on the night unus annus ended, ethan was a wreck - rightfully so

he had a bit of an existential crisis , and started to spiral a bit

you were worried about him , and knew that he would just continue to get into his own head

so you got him out of bed

and took him on a v special date

thats all for now ;)

y = yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

ethan wouldn't like smoking (nicotine), and if that was a habit that you were willing to budge on, he would really try to help you break it. 

overall, ethan is a very considerate and kind person, so someone that was rude or had a sense of entitlement just wouldn’t fit well with him.

z = zzz (what is a sleep habits of theirs?)

ethan can’t fall asleep without background noise. his brain gets too loud when he’s just in bed in complete silence, for better or for worse; sometimes this leads to great video ideas or new concepts for the channel, but other times it just lead to him overthinking his life. when it was that kind of night, ethan would fall asleep to soft music or one of those white noise apps- then he became dependent on it to be able to fall asleep. something about filler noise managed to calm him right down and lull him to sleep, and he pays $5 a month for the premium version of his favorite white noise app.

[eldritchcryptids]

I literally just woke up, but I randomly thought of this- (forgive me if this is a question that already has an answer, my memory isn't the best fjfkhhk, I think it comes with being Jay, lol)

Do the Fusion's (any/all of them) have overlayed/double voices when they speak? Because I'd think that'd be cool-

Specifically I think the Daisy-Quinn fusion would have an overlayed voice-

(so it sounds like both of them are talking at the same time-)

Anywho, good afternoon! (It's like, 10 AM where I am, but I sleep in a lot-)

i personally imagine that the fusions’ voices arent overlaid usually, its just one voice but it probably sound more overlaid if overly emotional/overly stressed etc etc (the closest thing that would probably depict that would be when hoodsky’s voice does that glitch thing with the red n blue)

but honestly? their voices r up to however u want to interpret them sounding asjhskaj

[we-always-hit-our-ass]

Okay, but I need some Joe Toye headcanons like I need air. Help a girl out

Taglist: @floydtab, @deldontplay, @thatsonefishyboi, @noneofurbusinez, @meteora-fc, @hufflepuffpancakes

I just want to say that i love toye more than i love myself. This boy deserves everything and i mean it!

Btw thanks @adamantiumdragonfly for requesting these lovely hcs, i had a lot of fun writing this! 💕💕

General/Fluffy HCs for Joe Toye

--------------------

-------------------

so you see right here, this man is a professional lover and sweetheart extraordinaire 

you two actually met when running currahee

joe stumbled along the way and you gripped his arm to prevent him from falling

thought it was one of the boys like like luz or guarnere or just practically anybody

boy WAS HE WRONG

he was instantly like !!!!! but it soon turned into 💕💕💕

immediately thinks he died during training and went into heaven

looks like he is having the time of his life, he is by the way

you ask him if he’s ok as youre running along side him

joe nods his head slowly like the cute dope that he is

either of you could have fallen behind or could have run faster but nope!

you two keep the same pace as each other so y’all arent seperated and lose sight of each other

after that, you and joe are close as fuc-

when i mean close i MEANT CLOSE

theres endless laughter and happiness

snarky and sassy remarks from both parties

and you two doing whatever- 

literally toye is one of the people that you can never get mad at-

its impossible for him to make you mad i swear, he’s just too sweet and caring and this man can never do any wrong-

sooooo u and joe might or might not have huge crushes on each other

i'm just saying, but u two totally do-

if you were to walk into a room that joe was in, his eyes immediately go to you, because why not?

like seriously, joe would literally try to freeze the sun for you

but whenever you thank him he’s all like “that’s what best friends are for”-

the easy boys are so done believe me so they just watch in the background while commenting how stupidly cute u both are-

joe enjoys being sweet to you but he’ll never say it

you point it out sometimes while smiling and joe just erupts into flames

joe would never admit it, and this is a very well kept secret of his, only person who knows abt it is HIM and him alone

so basically during eindhoven, joe purposely yeeted his face away when a girl tried to kiss him and no one knew why-

after the day you met him, he made sure that lips were only reserved for u

everyone thought it was weird how he would launch himself away from the girls but you found it cute

you teased him a lot after that day and joe would act like he’s offended but in reality he's so goddamn head over heels for you-

joe legit doesn't know what to do around you, you're just so amazing

you and toye could either be the kids or the parents in the group, its an amazing vibe-

okok but the way he confessed to you was soo MMMM-

joe woke you up in the middle of the night to see the stars

after a few words of persuasion, you went outside with him and with your hand in his as he led the way

y’all sit down and when you gaze up at the sky, holy SHIT it was very beautiful-

toye loved your reaction and the smile you gave him after was worth way more than any fucking treasure-

joe was surprised when he didn’t stutter when he told u how much he loved you-

like if you were sleepy- not anymore! 

you immediately woke up and just stared at him for a good couple of minutes

but damn you told him how much loved him too- but like seriously picture this

midnight, stars, love confessions, and tender and passionate kisses with joe fucking toye-

it wasnt what you were expecting but excuse it was so fucking good-

btw this boy’s spunky attitude will bring you to tears-

like hes overly sarcastic and you would just burst up laughing because its so fucking funny-

one of the things you also love about joe is that he’s a sassy boy who’s actually very sweet once you get to know him

this is one the many things that made you fall from him-

when joey gets tipsy he will lean on you for support and will deny that he’s drunk

toye will also drunkenly say how much he loves you and that youre the best person ever-

toye will end up falling asleep after you run your hands through his dark hair while he’s cuddled up against you-

you fall asleep not so long afterwards

YO- joey boy cherishes everything you give him and he just really appreciate the little things that you do

like if you hold a door open for him or even just pick out stuff that got stuck in his hair i'm pretty sure he’ll think about for days on end

hes also genuinely enjoys it when you talk to him about things you are very passionate about

like toye will literally just come up with the stupidest conversations just so he can hear talk and you can say the same for him

his voice is so fucking perfect and its always immediately recognizable 😩👌

toye will iNDEED bring you small gifts that he thinks you might like-

joey is very VERY protective of you

like if he sees a person making you feel discomfort in anyway he will yeet the poor bastard

he doesn't go completely overboard, most of the time, he just really wants you to be safe

you two still having your weekend passes are VERY rare since sobel likes being a lil bitch

wo when you two actually have it, joe makes sure to make it count

he takes you to the bar sometimes while other times he takes you into town to ditch the noise and his hella drunk friends

um so he takes you around the stores and shops and you two will impulsively buy the randomest shit

the easy boys immediately stop trusting u both with money

yeah the items you two buy are cute but they have no literal use

during one of these trips joe buys you a really gorgeous necklace and you just ascended-

im not kidding

you never took off the necklace off your neck after that day

toye also gives you small gifts and lemme tell this boy even gives you a small camera

both you and toye take pictures of each other with it and the both of you always make sure to keep photos of one another

joe is also one of those boyfriends who has a surprise for you each and every single day-

either he’d take you swimming, riding bikes, eating at a diner, or watching a simple movie together

no matter how simple the activity, joe will find a way to make it the best experience you will ever have-

when watching a movie, joe would put snarky remarks in between the scenes and the experience is just alleviated-

when you two wake up next to each other in the morning, its the most peaceful little thing that has ever existed

sometimes you would wake up earlier and joe would still be asleep with his arms around you

toye will unknowingly pull you closer to him and wont let you go for a very long time-

did i mention toye’s devilishly cute morning voice??? 

his little good morning cuddles are pure and utter fluff and you will never get tired of it!

toye will surprise you with random hugs from behind every single day-

it soon became one of the things that you couldn’t live without

like he so tender, yet firm? and the hug is so fucking comforting what???

toye will hug you anytime and anywhere

his hugs bring you the most source of joy and they just make you so happy

if youre tired when he hugs you, you are immediately energized from the complete act alone

if youre sad, joe’s hugs will comfort you and you’ll just smile into his chest and his arms are wrapped around your waist

when youre angry, you just cool down in his touch- 

his hugs give you life and just repel off any negative emotions

if you were to be honest, toye and his hugs are probably your most favorite things in the whole entire world-

toye is just an overall very caring and hella GOOD boyfriend 

it has come to the point where both of you cannot exist without the other-

you love him with all of your heart and he loves you with all of his 😩💕

------------------------

-------------------------

im sorry for any mistakes that i made and i hope that everything is alright. btw im sorry for me taking so long to write this, i tried my best to finish it! 

but i love toye and he’s complete and utter perfection, thank you very much-

thank you for reading this and supporting me you guys are everything! 😩😊💕💕💕

[thisdreamplace]

wanted to post some of my successes today, because the law is always working.

be playful guys. this is something i am constantly reminding myself of. life isnt meant to be so heavy, and even as i write that, my heart feels a little reluctant. but its true, it really is.

some manifestations today:

- extra shifts! this was more bittersweet HAHA. i work 2 jobs, but i hadnt been at one in weeks. the department i work in is low on hours for part timers and i prefer my other job anyway. but i knew i should go in, so i thought about going in on tuesday and thursday. well, monday night i got offered to come in on tuesday, so that was easy!! i wasnt going to work there again. but then wednesday came around and they really needed help thursday morning, so i reluctantly took the shift haha. definitely was able to trace this back to my thoughts even though it wasnt exactly desirable. at moments like this i like to laugh and be light hearted about it.

- my friend called me today, after i was feeling kind of down about this area of my life. he playfully hung up on me over a joke i made and we’re both kind of stubborn so i didnt call him back. i just decided he’d call me back. decided it was done. i took a nap, and woke up and he still hadnt called. after acknowledging this i just reminded myself its done then like 10 mins later he called just to show me this funny video hahaha clearly he could have just texted it, but im god of my reality and i wanted a call and so therefore thats what i got :)

some words if wisdom i’d like to share with you all:

🌹last night as i read through various success stories for motivation, i stumbled across some much needed words. one of these was that reacting simply means attaching a story to an emotion. this was probably the most clear way i have ever seen this explained! it really opened my eyes and allowed me feel some compassion for myself, as i’d just spent hours crying.

this is a reminder that, when you are facing difficult emotions you dont have to attach a story to them anymore. crying doesnt mean your sp isnt coming. getting angry doesnt mean you arent getting your dreams car. these are just emotions that our god selves decided they wanted to feel through our human experience. but emotions dont indicate anything about your manifestations. lets work towards eliminating this belief, together. 💖

🌹they also said, when your desires come isnt measured by whether or not you are still being triggered by your circumstances. what really matters more, is faith dominating your fears.

reading this comforted me so much. i have often found myself measuring my success through how much i react. deep down, i have felt, finally! i am starting to not react as much. i have EARNED my desire. after feeling this way, i have been faced with something that makes me react big time, which then leads me to feeling disappointed in myself, which then leads to hours of tears. haha

but no, you dont have to stop emotionally reacting and your desire will still come.

the whole point of these little notes is to remind you, and myself, that our desires are coming regardless of anything. stepping into that knowing, relaxing into that truth is what we are meant to do. just relaxing and enjoying life. crying when we need to. its truly so simple, it almost seems wrong. but no, this is the way to effortless manifesting. we are gods of our realities, even when we dont feel like it.

lots of love 💖

[thequeenb]

Betrayed

Pairings: KamilahxMC

She stood frozen in place. The scene before her own eyes was to violent, to cruel. Amy swallowed hard, maybe she is just dreaming but no she wasn't.

"What..what the.." she tried to wrap her head around it, it sank in to her stomach, those people are dead.

Rheya pulled away from a woman's neck smiling widely. The first woman she ever fed from is now dead, got her blood sucked out until death.

"Oh my" that damn melodic voice spoke, something that sent shivers down Amy's spine

"It looks like my secret is out, i hope i had more time but..i got a little careless"

Amy took a step back, this sight was heavy for her stomach. The smell of blood was to strong, maybe ever delicious but most of all it made her sick and uneasy.

Before she could form a response Rheya stood up and the power she radiated was all over the room. She walked gracefully, her naked body covered in innocent people's blood.

How could she lie about her intensions? Amy knew something was off but she had hoped it was just a stupid dream. When she spoke about making the world a better place she looked so convincing, so powerful that Amy couldn't believe in her eyes.

"Oh now what are we going to do about this?" she asked rhetorically with a smirk on her lips. The more she approached Amy the more horrified she felt. No one would ever believe her.

She saw Rheya's dangerous red eyes, her fangs on sight like two weapons ready to kill. Amy closed her eyes, trying to wake up but it wasn't a dream. The last thing she saw was Rheya hoovering above, her smile evil.

___

Her head was spinning, she can still smell the scent of blood that covered all the room. Her eyelids slowly opened when she realized, she was still in that damn room.

She can hear her friends voices making her feel more safe but then Rheya's tone made her feel completely in danger.

When she opened her eyes she could see her friends around the bed, Rheya standing behind them with a disappointed look.

"Now i believe our friend here is new to her powers, her desires"

Adrian had his eyebrows frowned, Lily tried to look away disgusted with the scene as Jax was pacing around the room watching the corpses laying on the floor.

"How could you do this?" Kamilah asked, her tone wasn't the usual sweet one, it was cold and sharp like a knife. Amy tried to stand up but there she was watching the same scene playing over her head. Rheya sucking that poor woman dry, her evil smile when she noticed her, her lying words as she explained to her friends.

"I didn't..I--" she wanted to tell the truth but the she looked deep into Rheya's eyes that screamed danger so she decided to see where this was going

"I thought i taught you how to feed Amy" Adrian said with anger in his eyes

"Adrian let me--"

"I shouldn't left you out of sight" Jax continued

Lily wanted to say something but her look of disgust was enough for Amy to understand what she was trying to say.

Rheya looked so calm but Amy could notice an amusement in her face as all her friends disowned her.

"You were careless my child, when i said to let your desires guide you i didn't mean" she pointed around the room "this"

Amy tried to find comfort in her friends but they all looked so angry, so hurt

"Would you please give us a moment alone?" Rheya demanded. They all nodded and left the room, left her with a monster.

Amy stood up on her legs even she felt weak something that made Rheya more victorious

"Why are you doing this?" She knew the answer, but she still wanted to show that she cant effect her, even though she did

A laugh echoed around the room, a scary one

"And ruin my reputation? Everything i built until now?" She now approached closer until Amy was pinned on a wall

"I am important, you are just another creation of mine" Rheya now placed her delicate hand on Amy's neck pressing hard.

"And if you think you can turn your friends against me, remember Kamilah, you dont want her to get hurt do you now?"

Amy hated how scared she felt, how vulnerable. She used her love against her, she saw it as a weakness for her to abuse.

"Now i will say it once and i want to be clear, if i sense any doubt from them your little lover will hurt, badly am i clear?"

Amy's tears ran down her cheeks freely, she couldn't hold them anymore. She couldn't imagine Kamilah getting hurt, she couldn't imagine losing her again.

So she nodded, surrendering to Rheya like a pawn of hers. The goddess just smiled satisfied letting Amy breathe.

As she left the room Kamilah walked in, taking another look on the innocent people lying dead on her feet. She didn't come close to Amy, she couldn't.

"Kamilah please i-"

"You are turning into the monster that i once was" she said crossing her arms.

"You let your anger guide you arent you? Isn't this the human you just fed on an hour ago? What happened? How..why?"

Amy couldn't ignore the pained expression in her lovers eyes, they changed the way they looked at her

Remembering Rheya's threat she took a step closer to Kamilah trying to reach for her hand. Instead to feel her warm hand against hers she felt emptiness, she didn't want to touch Amy.

Amy gasped slightly, it suddenly felt all to real

"You are right, i am a monster"

Kamilah frowned, trying to read her lover's eyes but they seemed out of place.

"And you should probably stay away from me" she added as fresh tears ran down her face.

"Amy i didn't say that we should ask Rheya to help yo--"

"No!!" Amy couldn't contain her emotions anymore. All the anger and betrayal made her explode

She looked one more time at Kamilah who was distant, exactly like the day they met. All their memories and intimate moments faded away as Rheya's words kept repeating themselves on her head over and over again.

Your little lover will get hurt badly. Your little lover will get hurt badly. Your little lover will get hurt badly.

"I love you Kamilah, i do with everything that i have" Amy said carefully as her voice broke, but she didn't want Kamilah to see her cry, it would rise suspicions, the last thing she wanted.

Kamilah opened her mouth ever so slightly in surprise. She wanted to say those words to Amy since she woke up, in better circumstances. She knew a 'but' was coming and thats what broke her more. She looked at Amy finding her wet pained eyes.

"But i..but i think you should go.." her voice was now weak, her heart completely shuttered.

She was now dangerous for her friends, she couldn't hide her fear or the horror she felt when she saw Rheya, she had to be gone.

"Amy i cant lose you again i just try to understand i..i.." she couldn't say those words, not now. But if not now then when?

"Then don't try anymore, dont you see?? I am a monster!!" she dared to rise her tone as her eyes turned from their soft brown to crimson red. Red like the blood she hypothetically spilled. She looked at the walls and floor feeling completely disgusted.

Before she look up again Kamilah had left the room without another word. Amy leaned back on the wall letting her emotions finally get out. She fell on the floor, wrapping her hands around herself sobbing. She felt so sad so empty not because of what happened, but because she knew, Kamilah will never come back.

Tag list: @sleeping-with-her06 @wildsayeed @sayeedbound @thepotatobleh @la-guera-69 @ilovetaylor13m @scarlet-letter-a0114 @amorettemcsky @lightning-fury @mrskamilxh @gavryllo @blackphenix9527

[onlyfansdotcomslashshawnmendes]

Sapphire and Moonlight

Bad boy Shawn, because ‘Señorita’ is still stuck in my head // Shawn Mendes smut // NSFW // Word Count: 6,531 // ShawnxOC // I didn’t name her though so insert whoever in your mind // Just...tons of flirting and bantering and sexy sex, a little angst // please excuse any typos I’m awful at catching them, also sorry tumblr wrecks my formatting. 

It was late July, the time of the year when the only reprieve from the heat falls just around midnight and only lasts just till sunrise. The time of the year when humidity clung to the air like a lingering emotion. And he had the audacity to walk in wearing a leather jacket. The sun was just coming up, and even as he slipped inside, shrugging off that jacket in the cool AC of the diner, his skin already glistened with summer. He was tan, dark eyes, and dark curls, slightly damp that threatened to fall in his face any moment. As he sat down at one of the booths, putting his jacket on the seat beside him, he shifted slightly, straightening out his clothes a bit. It was almost as if he’d been riding a while and had just remembered that he may not look as presentable as he’d thought. About that time the waitress came over to his table, introducing herself and giving him a menu. It was also about the time that another waitress in the diner caught his eye. He wasn’t exactly subtle either, his eyes locked on her starting at her face and slowly moving down her body before moving back up it. As he made it back up to her face again, she glanced at him, clearly feeling someone staring at her. Once they made eye contact, he smiled at her, just still watching her even as she turned back to the table who’s order she was taking. He didn’t stop, not until his waitress came back, at which point he gave a sort of rushed, ‘oh uh sorry’ and he would have glanced at the menu, before back up at her, “I’ll take a coffee, black, and a number four, thank you,” he said it with a smile, handing the menu back to her, before turning his face back to that other waitress. He shifted slightly, leaning up as if he might get up and go speak to her. As she closed her notepad though, slipping it and her pen back in her apron she turned to face him, clearly intending to walk past his table. Immediately his face lit up, and he poised himself to speak to her, “Hi I’m Sh-” but she leaned down, cutting him off, “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” she said as she walked back toward the kitchen. For a moment he was silent, eyes wide, answering a soft ‘No I…’ under his breath before just sitting back in his booth and kind of sighing to himself. When he thought about it, he probably did seem creepy, but he leaned back into the seat then, running a hand through his curls to push them away from his face. It wasn’t much longer before his food came, and he began eating slowly, just trying to relax now and shake the tension from the night off of his shoulders. When he saw her again, he gave her a soft smile now, almost apologetic, or he did his best to make his face seem that way. Once he was finished with his meal, he did wait until she was standing at the front counter before going up to pay for the meal, “Hey,” he said softly, before he really gave her a chance to notice him. “Oh,” she said looking up from what she was doing to lock eyes with him. For a split second he could see it in her eyes, the fact that she was moments away from telling him off. “I’m sorry,” he said before she could, “If I was being creepy earlier.” “You were,” she added in before defended himself, and he could only smile at her, “I know, I’m sorry, I’ve been driving all night, and I’m sleep deprived, not that that’s an excuse or anything but,” again she chimed in, “It’s not,” she clarified. He just laughed again, “I’m Shawn,” he said, “I just…wanted to say hi, and ask your name.” As she pointed to her name tag on her uniform she looked back up at him, “Were you going to tell me I was too pretty not to be smiling too?” she asked but he bit his lip, shaking his head, “No, I promise not,” She seemed to believe that though, and held out her hand, “You’re ready to pay?” she asked, glancing down at the written receipt he was holding. “Oh, yeah I was,” he said handing it over and just letting her key it in the register. “If you’re not getting back on the road, there’s a motel just down the road, keep going straight you can’t miss it,” she said with a soft smile as they exchanged the difference of his bill and tip. “If you’re really that exhausted,” she added. But he gave her a little nod, “Thank you, that’s really kind, maybe I’ll see you around sometime?” he said as he took a step back but she just kind of shrugged at him and gave him a sort of ‘shoo’ motion with her hand. He did opt to take her advice, slipping his leather jacket back on just for the ride, and heading down to the motel to get himself a room. Almost as soon as he walked into the room he was sliding out of that jacket and falling on the bed. It hadn’t been an exaggeration, he had been driving most of the night, and he was exhausted. So soon enough he was entirely out, just sleeping away most of the day. By the time he woke up the sun was already beginning to set, hitting his window just right to shine a single streak of light threw his blinds and directly onto his face. It was what woke him, making him squint and groan, reflecting the metal on his earrings and casting rainbows on the walls of the motel room. He sat up inhaling deeply and cursing softly under his breath as he stretched the stiffness out of his body. Slowly he pulled himself off of the bed, and stretched completely, taking a moment to slip off his shoes and looking around before shuffling to the bathroom. It was a slow process of waking up and forcing himself to take a shower, but once he stepped out of the shower he did feel much better. He walked back into the main area of the room, standing in front of the bed as he dried his hair off, just letting the drops of water roll down his tan body. Once his hair was sufficiently dried he tossed the towel aside and walked back to his discarded jeans, pulling out his phone and unlocking it. A sigh left his mouth as he noted the lack of notifications. Quickly he swiped to his messages and scrolled to the thread he was looking for a response to, just sending another text message that read ‘??? I said I’m here, when am I picking it up?’ tossing his phone back onto the bed. Before he could make it back to his carry on bag though he heard his phone vibrate. He did instantly turn back to it and swipe up only to pause at the notification text that just said ‘when he ready for u to pick it up. relax ur being paid arent u?’ “Oh fuck you, you’re not paying me to wait around,” he said out loud to the empty room, his jaw clenching as he threw his phone back onto the bed and walked back to his travel bag. It was small but had a couple days of clothes in it, just enough his saddle bags would hold it. As he reached in though he pushed aside the gun, and the ammo just to toss some clothes onto the bed piece by piece before zipping his bag. Then he turned back to the bed and pulled on a pair of underwear before pulling on his jeans and then finally a button up shirt. He didn’t bother to respond to that text, hoping that it might send the sense that he was currently irritated with his ‘employers’. It was about that point he did glance at the time, taking note of the fact his stomach was growling, dinner time. He slipped his shoes back on, grabbing his wallet and his motorcycle keys along with his phone and room key, pocketing them. He did have the forethought to take that carry on bag and slip it into the closet of the room before heading out. Pulling his jacket on as he walked to his motorcycle the idea occurred to him to hit that same diner from the morning for dinner. But he did think better of it, and he decided that he would find somewhere else for the evening meal. It didn’t take him much driving to find another place, this one more like a grill though. It was a small town, there wasn’t really that many fast food places, and nothing was terribly far apart. For the life of him he couldn’t figure out why this was the town he’d been sent to in the first place. What kind of Kingpin stayed in a place like this? He turned off his motorcycle in the gravel parking lot of that grill, getting off and locking the stand in place as he took his keys and headed inside. It was a hole in the wall kind of thing compared to some of the places he saw in bigger cities but it was homey. Part of the inside felt like a pub, a place for eating and drinking and part of it was clearly for dancing and talking. There was an outdoor patio area, lit up with lights where people were also dancing and talking. Music filled the inside and outside of the place as he just walked up to the bar, sitting on one of the stools and ordering a beer and a roadhouse kind of burger. While he waited on the food he did make a mental note to spend a couple of extra hours in the gym back home to knock of all of the calories he was racking up on this run. Dinner was fairly uneventful as he ate it, finishing his beer and ordering one more before taking the time to go ahead and leave money on the counter. With his second beer in hand though he stood up, venturing out to the patio, not really looking for anything or anyone, maybe more to get fresh air. But that was when he saw her, the waitress from earlier. A smile painted his lips and despite the fact he thought better of it, he did walk up to her, “Hi,” he said smiling in a coy way, “Let me buy you a drink to make up for being a creep earlier,” When she looked up at him, she pursed her lips, cocking her hip and resting one hand on it. “I have a drink,” she said holding it up, “Are you suddenly blind now?” she asked. “Let me buy you another,” he bargained. “So you can spike it? I’m good,” she clarified. Once again all he could do was laugh at her, looking down and smiling while he did, “You’re really determined to make sure I don’t shoot my shot, aren’t you?” he asked. But she nodded seriously, “Of course I am, boys like you are dangerous,” she said matter-of-factly. “Boys like me?” he asked furrowing a brow, “What is a boy like me?” his tone was a bit more coy than playful now, flirtatious. “You’re hot,” she said stepping up toe to toe with him despite the height difference, “And you know you’re hot no matter how much you want to modestly deny it. Girls never tell you no, they’re flattered to have you tripping over them. It’s killing you that I’m making you work for it,” she said with a head tilt. “No it’s not,” he said laughing some but she only nodded, “It is, it’s all over your face,” she explained, before resting her hand on his chest, perfectly manicured nails catching his eye. “And those eyes,” she said, her fingers slowly moving over his chest, “Such sweet eyes, deep brown, they look innocent, you’re not innocent. Those curls, you look like a little angel, you’re not an angel,” she said before running her hand up his neck only to rub a thumb over his lips, “Your lips say your kisses are poison, regardless of what kind of beautiful words come out of them,” she said. “Mhm,” he hummed, leaning his head down to gently nip her thumb. “What if you’re wrong; and everything you just said is absolutely total shit?” he asked, “What if my eyes are kind, not innocent? And what if I am an angel, without wings to take me back to heaven?” he asked leaning in closer, letting his lips nearly brush hers, inches apart. As his hand moved to rest on her jaw, his thumb brushing over her cheek. She could smell his scent, and not just the beer on his breath, whatever intoxicating cologne he wore. “What if my kisses taste like honey?” he said in almost a whisper, just for them being so close. “I never said poison wasn’t sweet,” she answered just as quietly. A soft laugh left his lips, lusty in nature, “Aren’t we both holding poison in glasses?” he asked against her lips, slowly lifting his head so his lips brushed hers. But he jolted back as the sound of glass shattered, liquid spraying onto his jeans and shoes and a soft gasp left his mouth. He looked down and saw instantly where she’d dropped her glass on the patio floor. Between the music and laughter only a few people had noticed, but his eyes shot back to her, “Now I’m not,” she said in a more stern voice, “Dance with me,” There was a moment of silence as he smiled and then slowly realized she wasn’t joking, “I’m a horrible dancer,” he said quietly. “I can lead,” she said, taking his beer and setting it aside, “Don’t you want to know how my body feels in your hands?” That earned her another soft laugh from him but he nodded and stepped closer to her, “Lead the way,” he said gesturing more toward the center of the outdoor area. She did take his hand though, pulling him out some and almost immediately dancing herself, just kind of swaying in front of him and taking his hands and pulling them to her sides. That part he did get pretty quickly, wrapping his arms around her, pressing his body up against hers. It took him a few minutes, but soon enough he was in motion with her, leaning down and brushing his lips against her cheek and jaw as she ran one hand up his back, tangling it into the back of his curls. “So,” she said after a moment against his jaw, nuzzling her face against his, “How does my body feel?” she asked with a giggle. “It fits in my hands perfectly,” he said against her jaw, giving her soft kisses along her skin there as he pressed his body against hers, his hands beginning to run up her back slowly. But almost as soon as he got that touchy, she pulled back, just turning her back to him. Once again she pressed up against him, wrapping her arms around his neck as she ground her hips back against him. At first he just put his hands on her sides, but slowly he let his palms wrap around her, resting on the front of her hips as he moved his hips in time with hers. The more they danced, changed positions and styles on the floor the more he fell in line with it. Of course it didn’t make him any less interested in her, and by the time she took his hand and pulled him to the side again, his cheeks were flushed a soft pink. He was sweating as she seemed to only glisten in the hot summer night. “I think you should get me a drink now,” she said looking up at him with a smile. He couldn’t help but grin, doing his best not to look so pleased with himself, “What do you want?” But she rolled her eyes at him, “You to get me a drink back at your hotel,” she said looking up at him with a rather sweet flirty smile. Now his grin was coy, biting his bottom lip as he took her hand, pulling her toward the front of the restaurant. “You’re eager,” she said laughing as she let him pull her along. Soon enough though they were standing in front of his motorcycle, and he was getting on before taking her hands and helping her get on as well. “Now you have to hold on really tight okay?” he said looking back at her. “Yeah, I know how this works,” she said in a more playful tone, wrapping her arms around his waist, running her palms up his chest slowly, and just holding him tight. Moments later though he was starting that bike and already beginning to drive them back toward the hotel. As he drove she did hold him close, her hands gently massaging his chest, resting her cheek against his back, just taking the opportunity to snuggle against him some. He was so big, especially compared to her, and she just took a moment to savor the way his toned muscles felt under her fingertips. Even through the fabric of his shirt she could feel the ripples beneath her fingers. Soon though the pulled up outside of that hotel, and he got off, once again getting the motorcycle in place, and then helping her get off of it, taking her hand as he pulled her along, slipping into his room with her and locking the door behind them.  Once he turned back to face her though, within seconds she was pushing him back onto the wall, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling his face down, standing on her tiptoes even in the heels she was in to kiss him. Instantly his arms wrapped around her waist as he leaned down to kiss her. Long fingers slid up her back, one hand tangling into her hair at the nape of her neck, pulling gently. It was just enough to make her moan into that kiss, a soft little noise almost like a kitten mewl. As soon as her lips parted, his tongue slipped into her mouth and he was already walking her backward. He kept walking her back, slowly, his hand on her back guiding her, keeping himself bent over so that she wasn’t still on her tip toes. He walked her back until her shoulders hit the opposite wall, this wall only feet from the bed in the room. His tongue still tangled with hers inside of her mouth, and her hands left resting on his chest to push the jacket off of his shoulders. “I thought you wanted a drink,” he whispered against her lips, a smile painted on his own as he spoke. He broke it only to speak, shrugging off his jacket and pulling off his shirt while he was in the process, just to not have to stop kissing her again. “You’re so fucking cocky,” she said with a grin, pushing at his chest, almost as if to push him off of her, “With that attitude your cock must be huge,” her tone was sarcastic, “You walk like it is,” she purred. “Well, you’re about to find out aren’t you?” he asked, reaching to take a hold of her jaw, lifting her face to lock eyes with her before he kissed her again. She almost moaned into that kiss, just the amount of passion he put into it, his fingers slipping down lower to wrap around her throat as he took a step closer to her. Her hands found his body now, running up his sides and over his chest, down the ripples of his stomach. Nails gently dragging over his skin, leaving little claw marks along him while she did. The way they kissed was intense, starving as if they were trying to outdo each other. Both of their hands tangled in the other’s hair, his fingers pulling hers almost as if he’d hold her still that way. Her fingers tugged his curls though, almost just to feel his breathing shake against her lips. It felt like hours of those kisses before his hands found her hips and picking her up, her legs instinctively wrapping around his hips. His hands slid down her back, grabbing at her ass, and just sort of holding her up that way as he pressed her back more against the wall for leverage. Regardless it seemed effortless for him to hold her up that way, and he kept kissing her, like her breath was the only thing filling his lungs. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, tangling her fingers in his curls, and giving soft moans and purrs into those kisses. It wasn’t much longer though before she turned her head to the side, exposing her neck to him, “I want more of you,” she whispered, giggling as she felt his kisses move down her neck. “More than kisses?” he whispered, his lips moving up the curve of her neck now. He would leave full lipped slow kisses, almost sticky as he trailed them up to that soft spot just behind her ear. He attacked it as his lips reached it, kissing and sucking the skin, dragging his teeth over it and nipping. “Mhm” she purred, giggling at his touch despite it turning into a moan halfway through, her nails clawing down his scalp. “God, you’ve got me so fucking wet…” “Good,” he whispered against her ear before nipping gently at the lobe. But he slowly turned and walked to the edge of the bed, sitting her there as he reached down to unzip the back of the dress she was wearing. With one swift tug he pulled it over her head, dropping it beside the bed as he knelt down and slipped her heels off, one then the other, running his hands up her thighs as he watched her. “You know they say when a woman’s lingerie matches, you didn’t get lucky, she planned to fuck you,” he said letting his fingertips move up her hips and over the deep crimson panties, up to the matching bra. It wasn’t exactly lingerie, a bit of sheer material and some floral patterns mixed in but all the same she made it sexy. “I think in this case, you should consider yourself lucky,” she said leaning down, resting her fingertips under his chin and lifting it before kissing him again. This kiss was soft and short, and she spoke against his lips with a moment, “Now take off your pants so I can see if you’re wasting my time or not,” When she said that, he laughed, slowly standing up then, “Mn, well get there but you’re going to have to be patient,” he said reaching behind her and undoing her bra now, pulling it off as well, before reaching down to tug off her panties. A soft gasp left her lips as she sort of fell back, letting him toss that fabric aside, before sitting up on her elbows to look at him. “What, like what you see?” she asked before sitting up and then standing, reaching up to tug him down again, “Of course I do, I have taste,” he said resting his hands on her hips before pushing her back onto the bed again, this time moving over her as he kissed her again. That kiss was broken soon by him though as he reached one hand up, spitting on his fingers and sliding that hand between them. Moments later his fingers found her slit, and he pushed two fingers into her, slowly massaging her inner walls at first. Soft moans left her lips almost instantly as one hand tangled back in his hair the other hand sort of clawed along his arm. Her legs fell open for him, and her body almost naturally arched against his touch, “That feels good,” she encouraged, her breathing a soft pant. “Good,” his voice was a hot breath against her neck, his lips dragging up the curve and up to her temple, nuzzling his face against her as his free hand roamed her body, touching and feeling her. It was almost overwhelming for her, the heat of his body, tenderness of his lips and those fingers inside of her that hooked just into the perfect spot. Slowly those fingers got faster, rougher, the heat already beginning to bubble in her stomach, dangerously close to overflowing already, “Oh…fuck,” she whispered, those moans of hers turning into a whine now as her nails dragged against his shoulder and back, “Oh, fuck Shawn, that’s good,” her hips didn’t grind up to him anymore, instead just staying arched up off the bed. “You’re not going to cum already are you?” his voice was husky but it was condescending, “I thought you would put up more of a fight than that,” The way he spoke didn’t stop him from nuzzling into her neck, nipping and kissing that tender skin as he worked those fingers faster inside of her, his thumb now brushing over her clit, which only served to make her hips jerk against his touch. She was whining constantly now, cursing under her breath, her body jerking and twitching as her nails nearly drew blood from his skin. Moments later though one of her hands shot to cover her mouth as she almost screamed against it. Just as quickly as her hand moved though, his hand grabbed it, pulling it away from her mouth, “Don’t you dare,” he hissed through gritted teeth, “If I’m making you scream you fucking scream for me,” his fingers moved rougher inside of her now. And scream she did, her body jerking as she reached her orgasm, soaking his fingers and his wrist, as well as the covers between them. Her voice trembled almost like a dry sob with each noise she made, her hips rolling against his touch while she came down from it, humming in the afterglow of that pleasure. “Good girl,” he said in a whisper, kissing down her neck and over her chest, leaving kisses and licks along her breasts, nipping her skin gently while he did. But his eyes were up and locked on her as her chest heaved and she did her best to relax, her fingers tangling into his curls, just crawling along his scalp, gently scratching at him while her hips sort of shifted. It was like she was squirming to find a spot she was comfortable in again. “What?” he said after a moment, his chin between her breasts his eyes up and locked on her face, “Are you still worked up? Do you want something else? You want me to fuck you maybe?” he whispered, kissing his way up to her chin and brushing his nose and lips against hers, “I want you to say please, you’ve been such a fucking brat all night, and now you’re going to ask politely,” She gave a huff at his statement, looking at him with defiant eyes, but she sighed before nodding, “Fine, please,” As she spoke, he moved back up onto his knees, undoing his jeans, and hooking his thumbs in the sides of his underwear, pulling both down at the same time, and kicking them off as he kept his eyes locked on hers. A coy grin found his lips as her eyes moved up and down his body, her mouth slowly falling open in shock, “Please fuck me,” she whispered before looking back up at him. “Is it big enough for you?” he asked, giving her SUCH a smirk. Despite the fact that she felt her cheeks heat up, she did her best to play it off, even as he moved back over the top of her, “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said not breaking that eye contact. “You don’t?” he asked, laughing softly as he lightly pressed his hips against hers, shifting ever so slightly so that his cock slipped between her thighs and slid up and down her slit as he rolled his hips. That already elicited a soft moan from her but his hand slid behind her, tangling back in her hair and jerking it hard, enough to make her gasp and whine softly, “My cock,” he said in a stern voice, “You think my cock is big enough for that greedy fucking pussy hm?” She nodded instantly, whining softly, “Yes, yes it’s big enough, I want it so bad please stop making me wait,” she in a quiet voice, despite the fact that her hands were almost pulling at his hips now. “That’s what I thought,” he said in a softer voice, giving her a smile as he reached down, taking a hold of his cock and moving so that it gently pushed into her, giving a soft moan of his own as that tight heat swallowed him. It took the two of them a moment to find a rhythm that they both matched to. He began slower so that he wouldn’t hurt her, and yet she instantly pressed against his hips, almost like begging for more. Soon though he was thrusting into her at a steady pace and his hand slid up her body, wrapping around her throat. He didn’t really choke her, more just rest his hand there, giving her another knowing grin as her hand wrapped around his wrist. “Choke me,” she whispered and with a nod he tightened his grip on her throat. “Of course sweetheart,” he cooed in a slightly condescending tone but leaning in and kissing her forehead as his hips rolled against hers. For a split second he could see the whites of her eyes as they fluttered and her mouth fell open. He could feel her tighten against his cock as well, clenching and squeezing as her body tightened against him. The waves of pleasure radiating up through her body as she wrapped a leg around his waist. It was so much better than she wanted to admit it was, the way he moved his hips was insane it was like he knew exactly where to aim. Each push into her made his cock drag against the most sensitive spots inside of her. That alone was enough to take her breath away, but the way his fingers pressed against her throat was magical. She could breathe, easier than she was used to with boys who tried this before. But her mind felt like a haze, almost like she couldn’t move, like she had to lay there and take his cock any way he wanted to give it to her, not that she had any complaints. “Does it feel good baby doll?” he whispered against her jaw, “You look like you’re enjoying yourself,” his voice was still cocky, his lips pulled into a smirk as he reached his free hand between them, brushing over her clit while he kept thrusting into her. This earned him a yelp though, her hips jerking up against him as she arched her body, her head falling back so that his lips dragged along her neck. “You feel…so fucking good,” she whispered, “That cock is so fucking deep baby, you’re amazing,” she panted, looking at him the best she could. “I’m glad,” his voice was genuine now as he dragged his lips and nose up her cheek, kissing at her cheek softly, speaking there despite how rough he thrust into her now, “You’re so wet, it feels incredible…” he panted softly, “You’re so beautiful right now, the way your lips fall open when you want to speak but can’t, you look like a fucking angel with my cock inside of you,” When he said that, she laughed softly, it was a worked up laugh and mixed in with her moans, “I knew you were bad,” she gasped, her lips falling open again as his cock brushed that sweet spot. But within seconds he slipped out of her, “The kindest demon you’ll ever know,” he cooed, his hands flipping her. His arms were strong and he handled her almost as if she were a doll, tossing her around was nothing for him. It was all so fast, he had her on her stomach, pulling her hips up so she was on her hands and knees. Strong hands pushed her back to form her into the arch he wanted. Seconds later he was pushing back into her, making her cry out at the sudden intrusion. “Oh god, it’s fucking deeper like this,” she cried out, arching tighter and pressing back against his hips. “That’s a good thing right?” he asked with a laugh, but her hands clawed at the sheets beside her head, “God, yes, it’s fucking amazing, you’re so fucking good,” she whined, her voice almost trembling as she felt his hands rest on her hips. He had control of their motions now, pulling her back into his thrusts as he slammed up into her each time. He did keep her bouncing, body shaking the bed moving with them as he set that pace. Soon his hand ran up her back, tangling into her hair and pulling it back like a leash, earning himself another gasping moan from her. He could hear her on the verge of sobbing now, whispering things like ‘its so good’ and ‘please yes’ under her breath while she did. “That pussy mine tonight baby?” he purred, leaning in to kiss along the back of her shoulder. Almost as soon as he asked, she half sobbed a soft ‘yes’ her voice vibrating it out as he nuzzled against her. “You’re such a sweet girl,” he whispered in her hair, resting his lips there, “Are you going to let me cum inside of that hot pussy baby? Are you going to let me fill you up with this thick load?” his voice was ragged now, despite the gentle way he nuzzled against her. She could already feel herself getting closer, and with the way he spoke to her, she whined, reaching one hand under her, massaging her clit in a fast desperate way. “Yes,” she whined out again, voice still shaking, “You’re going to make me cum Shawn, please, please don’t stop, I want you to cum for me so bad, fill me up,” her voice was nearly a sob now, and the way he almost growled against her ear when she spoke…that was enough. Seconds later she was reaching her second orgasm, her body clenching so tight against his as she screamed. This time it wasn’t muffled or stifled, but it did fade into a pleasured sob moments later, soft ‘yes’s trailing it out as she quieted down. Her hips rolled against him while she rode it out, but after a few more rough thrusts he was spilling into her. His own moan a gasp, low and hungry as he just tried to push his hips tighter against her. She could feel the way his cock throbbed inside of her, and the way that warmth seemed to drain into her stomach, running down her thighs as he slipped out of her. As soon as his hands were off of her body, she collapsed against the bed, slowly moving and crawling up to rest against one of the pillows. However she positioned her body so she was looking up at him, doing her best to ignore the shit eating grin on his face. “That was hot, you’re so fucking sexy,” he panted after a moment, leaning down and brushing her hair out of her face as he kissed her temple. “Do you want a drink now?” he asked quietly. “Nuh-uh,” she whispered, but her hand rested on his, before moving to hold his wrist, “Lay with me,” she said quietly, “Let me pretend you’ll be here in the morning,” Despite the fact that he moved and rested beside her, he laughed a little, “Did you forget this is my hotel room, why wouldn’t I be here in the morning?” he asked shaking his head, “You should go use the bathroom, right?” he said in a very paternal kind of way. But she just wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he fingers massaged his scalp through his curls again, “Stop bullshitting me, everyone here knows who you are, who you work for,” her tone wasn’t mean, it wasn’t mad or even accusing, just soft and sleepy. All the same, the room fell silent once she’d spoken. “Then why did you do this?” he asked quietly, watching her smile as her eyes closed in a sleepy way. “Because you wanted me to, and no matter how much I knew I should be running the other way, you’re so damn hard to say no to,” she cooed as her fingernails gently scratched at the nape of his neck. “I thought you didn’t like that,” he said in a teasing way, leaning in and letting his nose brush hers. “Mn, I wish I could have kept pretending that I didn’t,” she said softly. After that he didn’t speak, his hand stroking her hair as her nails lazily scratched at him, playing with his curls until she fell asleep. Honestly, he was on the verge of falling asleep himself, until he heard the familiar vibration of his phone. Slowly he pulled himself from her, careful to not wake her up, sighing heavily as he walked to his jeans. Taking his phone out of the pocket he swiped up to see his notifications, despite already knowing what it was. His eyes scanned the single text message, ‘he’s ready for your pickup.’  “Fuck,” he cursed under his breath, sighing again as his eyes fell on the girl in his bed. Quietly he got dressed, pulling on each piece silently, but when he got to his jacket, he glanced back at her before just resting the jacket on the edge of the bed. She could have that, if she didn’t hate him, he decided, an apology of sorts. Once dressed he slipped his bag out of the closet, sliding that gun in the back of his jeans, pulling his shirt over it to hide it. Lastly, he walked to the side table in the room, over to the pen and paper that was always left there for guests. He took a moment to write his cellphone number, and just a little note that read ‘Call me, señorita ♡’ just tossing that note pad on top of his jacket before he slipped out of the room. And he did go by check out, paying for the room before he got back on that motorcycle once again.

[peacedolantwins]

Clean (E.D.) Part 4

A/N: I know its been a while since I’ve last updated this I’m so sorry, but hopefully the next one wont take as long, I’m already working on it. so heres part 4, hope you enjoy! :) part 3

After your talk with James, you had texted Ethan and met up with him a few days later. You two got to talking and after some apologizing on both sides, you for overreacting and not hearing him out and him for saying what he did and how he treated you in the car.

That was three months ago. Thats also how you found yourself on the twins couch with Ethan's arm slung around you as he still slept. Everyone had decided to have a sleepover at their house and everyone was around the room in different areas. James was on the other couch across from Grayson while Emma and Ian were laid out across the floor in piles of blankets and pillows they must have stolen from the boys’ room.

While it may have seemed like you two were moving quick, it didn't feel it. You and Ethan just seemed to click right away and everyone was able to see it. He was more open when you were around and he smiled so much more. You were finally doing better than you ever were because he showed you how to have fun just living and doing little things. It felt amazing that he brought back your ability to feel childish which was something you thought you lost a long time ago.

Gently moving his arm off of you, you got up and headed outside. Your feet covered in fuzzy socks to keep warm softly pattered the wood floor as you quietly opened the glass sliding door not wanting to wake up anyone else. The sun was barely beginning to rise and it was always so beautiful and you had to take advantage of the view the boys had from their backyard.

You winced when the door made a loud click as you shut it, hoping no one else heard it. Looking through the glass, no one seemed bothered so you went and sat down next to the pool, pulling your legs up to your chest. Just breathing in the chilled air always calmed you down but at the same time, you hid your arms back in the hoodie you stole from Ethan to keep warm. You thought about how much your life has changed and you couldnt be happier for it.

So consumed in your thoughts, you didnt hear the door shut again and it wasnt until someone was next to you wrapping half the blanket around you did you realize someone else was here.

“Morning, kitty” James leaned over and pulled you into his side.

“Morning. Sorry if I woke you up, I didnt mean to,” you apologized and leaned into him, really glad for the warmth he was providing. While LA never really got too cold, that didnt mean it was always completely warm.

You two sat there in silence just appreciating each others presence. As your best friend, James could tell there was something on your mind.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Hm? Oh, no.. I just… I'm really happy about where I'm at right now. With you and Ian… I cant say thank you enough for still letting me stay with you after everything. And with Ethan too, I really like him and I'm so happy you brought him, well both of them into my life but I-” you stopped, not really sure if you wanted to get into this so early in the day.

“I'm scared.” While James wasnt sure what you were going to say, that wasnt it.

“Scared?”

“Im scared that if I tell them about before they'll leave.” You said it so quietly James wasnt sure if he heard you correctly.

“Y/N… why would you think either one of them would leave?”  

“Are you really asking why? You've heard them and what they say. They dont hang around with “people like that,” and I happen to be one of those people. Theyve even said it in videos how they dont like it. And thats okay that they dont but I just-” you took a breath in and looked away from James.

“I dont want either of them to see me as that. I dont want them to look at me the way everyone back home looked at me. You wouldnt even talk to me for a few weeks when you found out and you're my best friend but I get it.”

“Y/N, I'm going to stop you right there. Hun, I am so sorry I wasnt there for you during everything and I'm so sorry I didnt talk to you when you needed me or just about anyone.” He turned to face you and held you at arms length to look at you properly.

“I was so embarrassed and ashamed when you found out and I am so scared of what either of them will say if they find out. I know it'll only get worse the longer I keep it hidden away but I dont wanna ruin anything and I dont want to lose Ethan- oh god what do I even say to him? ‘Hi, really quick just wanted to let you know youre dating an alcoholic that also has videos and photos of her naked and doing god knows what else out there’?” You knew how they boys felt about drinking and partying and just the thought of either of them finding out terrified you.

“If you dont want to tell them, thats okay. Me and Ian wont say anything to them.” He tried to comfort you after seeing how worked up you were getting.

“But I dont want to have to hide it. I fucked up in the past and I know that. Im dealing with it. These past few months have been exhausting trying to cover everything up. Im tired of having to come up with lies about where I go twice a week a night for meetings. I dont like seeing you or Ian getting asked all the time why you take my money and ID when I'm upset and leave the house. I dont want to ever have to deal with what would happen if Ethan saw my phone and saw me calling my sponsor and thinking I'm talking to some other guy. Everything is so good between us and I dont want to mess that up but not saying anything could also ruin everything and I dont know what to do.” You wiped away the few tears that fell with the sleeves you- his hoodie and fell into James's arms.

He held you and patted your hair while you got your breathing under control and once you were doing better, he peeled you off of him.

“Listen, if and when you feel ready to tell them, I'll still be here for you. Ian and I arent going anywhere. If you want, we can be there with you when you tell them, okay? I know you're older than me but you're still our little sister and were not going to let anything bad happen if we can help it.” You nodded your head in his chest and turned back to face the sunrise. While your morning may have just got a lot more emotional than you were planning, you were still going to appreciate the little things you still had.

You heard the glass door open and shut behind you, but you didnt bother turning around, assuming it was probably Grayson since he was always up early.

When someone plopped down next you, you werent expecting them to pull you from James and tuck themselves under your am and end up basically laying on you. Looking down you found Ethan cuddling into you and pressing his head into your chest.

“Found you,” he pulled hard on the blanket to take it away from James to which he let out an “excuse me” at that made you laugh as Ethan threw the blanket over the two of you. Knowing he wasnt a morning person, James left it alone probably for the better considering how close you all were to the pool.

“C'mon, lets go back in,” You patted his back and tried to sit up but his weight kept you down.

“Ethan, lets go back inside and we can cuddle on the couch okay?” After a very long and over dramatic sigh, he finally got up and pulled you up with him. He started walking in, taking the blanket with him and left you and James still outside. After helping your friend up, he turned to you.

“Sweetheart, that boy is all over you and does anything you ask. He’s never up before noon but he got up because you werent next to him. There's no way he's going to leave if you tell him.” You both walked over to the doors and watched as Ethan stole another blanket off the ground and threw himself down on the couch.

“I really hope you're right,” You smiled at James before heading back in to join your boyfriend in a much needed cuddle session.

[vulture-jack]

I always feel like my response to trauma is like. too lukewarm for other people to take seriously? like idk how to explain it. 

Talking about trauma and death under the cut

I have SYMPTOMS of ptsd but I dont have ENOUGH symptoms. Or my symptoms arent strong enough.  

I had recurring nightmares about the event and sometimes still do but not as often. I don’t experience flashbacks or panic attacks or intense reactions to things I associate with my trauma. Just mild distress and discomfort. I never feel as if the event is reoccurring (its kind of impossible because it was the death of a specific person but I do often fear that someone I care about might die or is in danger) 

I have emotional numbness. 

I am extremely protective though. Like. at once I have a hard time getting close to people especially if i perceive that person as vulnerable and that I might potentially lose them. My brain shuts off emotion when I experience new trauma and doesn’t let me feel it. I feel like every death I experienced after my moms made me more and more numb and reinforced the the reaction of shutting off emotion as like. A survival tactic.  

I feel like I’m always preparing to lose people and unsure whether this time is just going to make me even more numb, or finally break me to pieces. I’m scared of breaking to pieces.  I’m scared of becoming more numb. Loving people feels dangerous. Life has only proven to my mind that it is. I didn’t cry when my nana woke me up to tell me that she thought my grandfather was dead. I just calmly checked, confirmed he had died, and told her to sit down while I called 911. I didn’t cry until the funeral. And I cried mostly because people I cared about were sad. 

Sometimes I forget my mom died. sometimes this manifests as forgetting that she is dead, and sometimes its struggling to remind myself that she even existed in the first place. my brain doesnt want to think about it. Its too much. That really happened? how could that happen? thats so terrible. How could that have happened to me. Its impossible. 

Seeing people who are very sick with cancer distresses me a lot. I don’t experience flashbacks or intense attacks that people can see from the outside. But seeing a frail person with no hair in a hospital gown, especially if its a woman, is really the most...like. Obviously distressing thing. 

Ive always been jumpy about phone calls but now every time im at lest a little prepared for it to be “someone died”. Like I’m waiting to hear my grandmother start sobbing and tell me that my father or sister died. 

Most of this is internal.  Like. I think mostly people just notice that I’m over protective and it probably comes across as annoying. Be careful, wear your seat belt, dad get away from that ledge you can admire the waterfall from back here, did you go to the doctor this year, text me and let me know youre ok, etc. 

Often my brain interprets laughter as hysterical sobbing.  Ill hear a thump and jump out of bed and run halfway downstairs to make sure my grandmother didnt fall like that one time she fell down the stairs and broke her leg. 

Since the numbness set in ive made very few friends and even fewer close friends. (About one in the last 5 or 6 years) and those friends absolutely have to approach me and make themselves a part of my life. And even still I dont feel the fullness in my heart that I used to. Loving people is scary and dangerous and I’m just...waiting to lose one of them. 

It sounds dorky as fuck but like. Idk how to love again. Idk how to live again. Idk how to properly balance knowing that life CAN hurt me without wearing heavy armor. I’m scared that when I do feel again its all gonna hit me like a freight train and im gonna crash and burn harder than ever. its just. a lot. i cant really afford a therapist rn either. everything is just. difficult. I’m functioning just enough to seem lazy.  I seem fine but I’m only barely ok. Like my stability is built on toothpicks and bubblegum but to everyone else all they see is that im stable. 

[favvnsongs]

okay fam I just woke up so this may not be entirely coherent but I dont - I feel like a lot of this came about with this rise of purity politics and cancel culture but also that weird sort of derision that people approach kids media with.

like if kids media is bad people dont care, it's made for kids, it doesnt have to be good. but if kids media is Good(tm) they will pick it to shreds, because something in it surely has to be Bad. surely something in it has to be problematic. something has to be wrong with the characters or with the message or with the aesthetic and god forbid one of the antagonists gets a redemption arc.

bc childrens antagonists Have To Stay Villains FOR FOREVER and if they dont THATS A PROBLEM and that makes the show Bad.

And Good kids shows Arent Allowed to be Bad.

when op mentioned that kids shows arent about realism but relatability something in the back of my head kinda went "mmm iunno"

because there's an odd sort of... interpersonal realism.. I think.. when it comes to kids shows?

like I said I'm not entirely coherent just yet and there's probably a term for that but like.... little kids arent stupid. that's a thing that I dont like I really dont like this assumption that children are stupid.

and I'm not saying that op is insinuating that little kids (but even your pre-teens and teenagers and fuck, your young adults and grown ass 25-at-least adults) are stupid but like. I ... sometimes get the impression that that's the thought process that people are under when they say that "We have to Protect The Childrens From BAD TELEVISION" and bad media in general but like.. kids dont need their moral teachings spoon fed to them

But I do think the majority of the Urge to harshly criticize media made for a younger viewership isnt malicious or like... what's the word. ill-willed?

I think it comes from a good place, although perhaps unnecessarily. especially the last... five or so years on tumblr and twitter the habit and community and feedback loop culture almost that's built up around selecting a piece of media (usually) but sometimes it's a person or a cultural movement (however the uh.. I think the motives behind those instances are different. even the ones concerning picking apart media vary when it comes to the target audience of said media) but anyways like.

I meant it when I said that the "we must protect the children" sirens start going off when kids media turns out to be Good.

The majority of those, I think, who are picking apart she-ra and "mmmmn well actually -" about redemption arcs and whatnot, arent doing it from a point of maliciousness.

I will say, however, that there are some who are looking at she-ra and its messages of forgiveness and kindness and empathy and emotional vulnerability and all of those things, and saying "yes okay, but children should show those things only to people who deserve it. and I'm going to tell you guys how to decide how people do or dont deserve it. and likewise, though unspoken in my giant tirade - children themselves deserve those same things only in these specific circumstances."

TLDR;

which comes back to my "euuuugh idunno fam ://" vibe about the whole thing. because while most people mean well when they miss the point and criticize kids media, usually, they're following the charge led by people who dont mean well.

and those people arent missing the point of the show. they disagree with the point of the show. and they think you should too.

I feel like people are way too serious with cartoon characters' arcs, especially redemption arcs.

Let's not forget that She Ra is a cartoon primarily aimed at little kids and older kids. The purpose of the protagonists and antagonists is to appeal to them, to talk to them. Villains like Catra are supposed to make them relate to her and send them a message. It's not about realism, it's about relatability.

Are these kids likely to take over a military complex kidnapping kids to make them foot soldiers and oppress the locals? Well, no, obviously. But these kids might lash out at their best friend after feeling left out. These kids might be bullied and bully other people in return. These kids might isolate themselves to never feel vulnerable again.

And that's where Catra's redemption is valid and important. Because Catra's redemption isn't about her war crimes, it's about her interpersonal relationships, mostly with Adora. Thanks to Catra, these kids who might fuck up will be reminded that they are not lost cause. That they can make amends, they can apologize, they can change. They might even be forgiven.

Stop putting your adult morality range in a cartoon meant to show kindness, forgiveness and vulnerability to kids. You're missing the point of this story.

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

“we are so (thot) married”

i was bored so i decided to write a parody of the first chapter of my good comrade @theseerofdoomisunaltered‘s magnum opus “we are so (not) married”, if i have time maybe ill do the rest but no promises bc im a lazy inconsistent bitch lmao 

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hizashi was fuckin PISSEd!

he was angery and is upset bc shouta THAt dumB THOT had gone and goetten himself injured AGEIN!!!! he hadnt sleeped in 69 hours (hehe) bc he was 2 busy gettin turnt with tha bois (painkillers and mowten dew) and had goten into a fite with some villens (fourth graders) bc they sed cats were lame.

showta got carried by on a stretcher and hibachi pissed himself and not even in the kinyk way. paremdedics kept hziashi from geting close to the stretcher or the room shota is carreid into. “shit boi u fam?” a nurse asked.

“no’ mic sobbed loudly. “we;r emore like,, friends wtih benefits? as in, i beneFIT this dick up his ass ayy lmao” he lamaoed thru his tears.

the nurse kept askieng quetions but hizashy was sobbing too loudely to hear so he just said yes bc why not its good enouff 4 improv rite? the nurses let haizashi pass so he RAN into shotuas room, screming so loudly he killed like four people and a dog.

shoauta looked like he’d gotten fucked by knife dicks in all six holes at once. one of his legs was being held together with silly string and glue (aizawa was sniffing the bottel) and he was covered in blood and helo kitty bandaids. to put it simply he looked fine as fuck and mic was super fuckign horny for him but his teeers killed his boner

“mike u ignoernt slut ur so fcukin loud” aizawa moaned, taking a big hit from the glue bottle.

hizashey wanted to screm but he didnt want to get sued for murdeer again like last time so he kept his mouth shut by tenderly taking the glue bottle from aizawa and shovig it up his own ass.

“wat, arent u gonna offer me some simpathy sex?” aizawa asked raiesing an eyberow.

“maybe later” hixzashy wept sobbily. “right now im too full of emotion and ass glue to present my mic up ur bootyhole.

aizawa tenderly patted mic on the cheek with his scotch-taped cock (cock tape) and then licked the tears off his nuts. “its all good in the hood”

“All is N OT good in the hood you jelly filled fucknut!” mic screamed tearfully and angrily. “what if u are is DIED??? then the two of us could never cha-cha real smooth again!??? HOW COD U DO THIS TO MEH>???? IF U DIED,,,,,,” hizsahy cried and nutted at the same time “i’d die 2 bc my gay ass cant fuckien drive but its too far to walk 2 school so id try yo drive anyway and id crash the car and die and it would be ALL UR FOLT!!!!”

aizawa just rolled over in the hosptial bed and ripped his hospital gown open,e xposing his lush bird nest of chest hair and supple pink nips screaming out for slurpage. “ur so dramatic” he whsiepred seductively. “why dont u quit the shakespeare and start suckspeareing me off?”

hizashy wiped away his tears and got to succking. the nurse walked in as hizashi was giving aizawa some eraserHEAD if u know wat i mean. she crumbeled some paperwork into balls and threw them at mic and them stormed off.

“FILL THOSE OUT YA GODDAMN TWINK”

mic fillde out the paperwork with aizawas pen(is) and tehn tenderly cradeld aizawa in his arms (carefully cupping his nuts for protecktion of course) and got on the roomba he used insted of a car bc his gay ass never learned how 2 fuckin driev. “vrroom vroom bitch” he said as they sped away at a blistering pace of .005 mph from the hospital. “the ass-magnet 9000 is in motion fuckers!”

‘take me 2 taco bell” aizawa whined. “i hav some casual craigstlist sex solicitors to meet for dinner tonite”

“NO CASUAL CRAGESLIST SEX UNTIL U RECOVER FROM UR INJURIES!” hizashi screamed. “IM GONNA TAKE CARE OF U, U BIG SALTY BABY” hizashy was super mcfuckin gay for aizwa so watching him get fucked the hell up and then just want to immedetly get back on the plow horse (so to speak) and jump into th e casual craigslist sex wasnt fun.

hziashi did a sick ollie off his roomba and knocked the door down with his throbbing erection only to promptyl start sobbing when he got a dick splinter.

“u dum fuck thats wy u shoud go thru the door like a normal person” aizawa grumbled as he sucked out the dick splinter. “for fucking out loud even that 5 dollar thottie ALL MIGHT, SYMBOL OF PEACE TM goes thru doors like a normal person.” shouta thought for amoment. “well except for the one time at that christmas party in april,,”

“well YEAH but if i didnt kick down the door dick first wat kind of pro hero wold i be?” hizashi protested

“one wihtoout dick splinters”

“ya ok tru”

hizashy threw aizawa over his shoulder like a thicc sack of poatatos and caried him 2 his lightning mcqueen racecar bed where they made the sekcs for 35 seconds before aizawa fell asleep. mic, exhausted from the hwole dick splinter fiasco, fell aslep too, resting his head on shoutas soft pillowy ass.

he woke up the next morning when nemuri broke down his door and started kicking his ass “HIZASSHI YOU STUPID BITCH HO W D ARE U GET MARRIED WITHOUT ME????”

tensei, who had been wheeled in in a weelbarrow, slapped mic in the face with one of those rubber stretchy extendy hands that he carried around for that express purpose. “YEAH YOU WHORE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A BRIDESMAID DAMMIT I ALREADY HAD MY OUTFIT ALL PICKED OUT I WAS GONNA WEAR THIS DANK ASS SONIC THE HEDGEHOG COSPLAY AND U FUCKERS R O B B ED ME OF MY HAPPINESS”

“wat in the fresh hell are u talkign about?” hizash asked confusedly.

tensei whipped out his rose gold iphone 69 and hsowed hiszashi a news report that said “THEY GAY BITCH” followed by a picture of mic and aizawa doin the scooby dooby doo on the hospital bed.

“Everyones shook af  by the news that screme mcmeme, also known as president michael, and iceicezawa are married!” the report said. there was a picture of one of the paramedics mic had accidently murdered with his screaming. before dying she had apparently tweeted to the news and told them that mic had said YEAH when she asked if he was married to the patient shoota and so now everyone in the world new they were gay and thogth they were married!!!

some ppl like tensei and nemuri were happy (about the marriege anyway, in general tensei wasnt happy bc his twitter had got hacked and the entire internet could see his turbo-nudes and his ingeniDONG) but there were some bitch ass hos that were not plesed with this developement.

for example endevor had posted in the yuotube comments of a video entirely unrelated to the marraige thing “these daM hOME OF SEXAULS keep ruinging eeverything with their GAY AJENDA!!!! my son looked at a Gay once and hes fuckin gay now, thx oBamA!!111! THIS IS THE FUTERE LIBERALS WANT!11! present mic?? more like present CUCK!!1!”

hizashi dropped the phone. how was he gonna explain this to the internet? how was he gonna explain this to shouta?!?????

tune in next week for more fuckery, i can probably get this done in three chapters lol, if not three then DEFINITELY six, it sure would be wild if it ended up being nine chapters huh lamao