#i just woke up after 5 hours of sleep i’m exhausted excuse me if any of this is worded weird

[xenia-cenia]

Saving You! - Jamil Viper x Fem!Reader

A/N-So you see I may of become a Jamil simp. Anyway! @phaindulgement​ this is your fault. 

NONE OF YOU SAW THAT I FORGOT TO MAKE A TITLE

Word count: 1,925

TWs: Kidnapping for political gain, pre-established relationship, reader is Yuu/prefect, spoilers, protective Jamil?, i am once again doing abrupt endings its just in my blood, i was up all night doing this 

Jamil muffled his breath with his hand, conscious of his every movement, staring off into space to cool his head. Half an hour ago, he’d been contentedly reading his favorite book before he went to sleep, but now he’s gotten you pressed up against his chest, softly snoring.

With his spare hand uncomfortably hovering in the air, he tried to reach for his magical pen sitting on his nightstand. If he could reach it, he could summon a pillow, turn the lights off, or use wind magic to move you enough for him to readjust. But no, each time he got close to the pen, it’d roll a little bit further away. 

He scowled at the stupid situation, already imagining the crick in his neck the next morning. Like he needed another headache.

Part of him was tempted to swat at your arm until you woke up, but then he’d look down and see the way your cheeks were puffing out and he’d feel his heart race. 

“I’m so mad at you.” He whispered, pulling the covers around your shoulder so you didn’t get cold, “You know how hard I work.” He punctuated his words by kissing his fingertips and pressing them against your forehead. “Idiot.”

He leaned against the headboard, running his fingers down your arm, and let your breathing lull him to sleep.

Harsh light beat in through the room, tearing Jamil from his sleep. He groaned and pulled the covers over his head, attempting for a few more minutes of rest. Or at least he would’ve, but today he felt himself jolt awake and the feeling of warm skin on his hands.

Jamil looked at the source of his surprise, a still completely asleep you. He chuckled softly, rubbing the exhaustion from his eyes, and gently shook you awake.

“Mmm?” You mumbled, your eyebrows slightly raised but eyes still shut. 

“Good morning.” 

“Mmm...” You groaned, pulling the covers over your head.

“You’ll be late for class if you take too much longer.”

“Class can wait.”

“Maybe for you, but I have to make sure Kalim doesn’t get into any trouble.” 

You groaned as he pushed you onto the other side of the bed, holding onto his clothes loosely. “Jamil...”

“By the sands, you’re starting to sound like him.” He got out of bed and stretched, turning his head to the left and right. “Oof.”

“I...” 

“You know, Grim’s probably looking for you.” He slightly turned to face you, before pulling out his school uniform.

You shot up. “Oh, crap!” Scrambling out of the bed, you hurriedly kissed his cheek and rushed out of the door. “Bye, love you!”

“Love you, too.” He mumbled after you were out of earshot, his face alight. He changed into his uniform, fidgeting with the strings on his hoodie as he looked at himself in the mirror. 

Other than the ever-present eye-bags, he looked nice. Good, even. A servant of the Al-Asim’s must always look respectable. He huffed in annoyance and ran his fingers through the overhanging bangs on the right side of his face. 

He smiled falsely into the mirror, watching the way his eyes dimmed. “I don’t hold a candle to Kalim. I am straight 5 out of 10s. Average all across the board.” The longer he repeated his morning mantra, the more flickers of anger clouded his expression. He groaned in annoyance and stepped away from the mirror. Maybe tomorrow he’ll get it right.

On the other side of campus, you were rushing back to Ramshackle to avoid the inevitable fallout of Grim discovering your not-so-secret boyfriend. You didn’t want to even imagine the never-ending teasing. However, outside the gate, you were surprised to see a group of men in black suits. 

You slowed your pace and cautiously approached them, a nervous smile on your face. “Ah, excuse me...” You tried to push through them and enter the safety of Ramshackle.

“Uh, ahem.” One of the men cleared his throat, “Are you (Y/N) (L/N)?”

“Nope never met her. If you’ll excuse me...”

One of the men grabbed your shoulder, his hands sizzling the fabric. “Do you know where we can find her, then?”

“Ah... actually I heard she dropped out! Oops! Just missed her!” Your eyes shot between the group of men.

“Really? Then, what are you doing here?”

“I’m... uh... cleaning staff?”

“I suppose you’re adept with magic then. Come on, now, show us a spell.”

One of the other men spat, “Stop wasting our time. Just grab ‘er and let’s go.” 

The man with his hand on your shoulder rolled his hands and hit you under the chin, both throwing you back and knocking you unconscious. 

When you woke up, you were tied to a chair that was sitting in a cluttered room. The room was filled with dusty papers and torn furniture, the only saving grace being a pristine window that overlooked a small town. The men who kidnapped you were sitting on the hardwood floor, playing with a deck of cards. 

You blinked, your head lulling as you tried to look around. “...am I?” You mumbled through slurred speech.

One of the men started to laugh, and another just scoffed. 

“You’re far.” The man who knocked you out responded. “That’s all you need to know.”

“F... far...?” You grimaced, “Home?”

“Hah!” He looked over to you, slamming his cards on the ground. “Think we’d risk all that just to take you home? Sevens, you’re not very bright.”

“Wh...” 

“Listen, kid, this really has nothing to do with you. You’re just some unfortunate schmuck like the rest of us, dating that Viper boy.”

“Ja... Jamil?” Your heart started to race, a wave of clarity overtaking your senses, “If you hurt him, I’ll-”

“Calm down. You’ll both get out of this fine. He’s just gotta tell us about the Asim’s business proceedings and we’re all happy.” 

“A-and if he doesn’t?” 

The man stood to his full height, a sorrowful smile on his face as he grabbed the back of your chair and dragged you to the window. He leaned you slightly over the edge, the front legs of the chair in the air, the harsh wind billowing through your clothes. Hiccupping sobs started to tear through your body as you looked at the distant ground. You struggled against your bonds, bringing your eyes to his. “P-please, no.”

He looked at you, though he seemed to be seeing something far before you, “Y’know, I don’t want to do this either. Be here, kidnapping some teenager. Got a kid back home, around your age. And he likes to live large, who am I to turn him down? So I join this corporation, and what do I know? The biggest competitor in all of Twisted Wonderland is the Asim family. One family. How crazy is that? They tell me, to find out everything. No matter how. They’ll protect me, they say. Protect all of us. But how do we even get close? That dumb heir of theirs can’t tell cliff from meadow, and their estate is heavily guarded. And then we find out, that dumb heir pawns off all his work on some underling. And, what do you know? That underling’s dating a completely defenseless fool.”

“He... he doesn’t know anything.” You swallowed your fear and looked him in the eyes.

The man chuckled hollowly, “For your sake, I hope that’s not true.” He pulled the chair safely inside, placing you next to the window. 

You gasped for air, limp against the ropes keeping you to the chair. With bleary vision, you looked back at the men and hoped they’d at least end you quickly. You shut your crusted-together eyes, trying to pretend you were back home.

Jamil had a very stressful day, as usual. He had to stop Kalim from organizing three separate parties, there was a pop quiz, and you hadn’t been answering his texts all day. After essentially locking Kalim in his dorm, Jamil walked over to Ramshackle and stood outside the front gate.

The first thing he noticed was all the lights being off inside, which was weird since the sun had set and you tended to be up late. After that, the gate was swung open, something you’d never let slide. Finally, there was a note skewered between the top of the fence posts.

He carefully took the note with the intention of simply delivering it inside, but his name written in blocky letters caught his attention. He unfolded the note, carefully reading the few paragraphs of text describing the situation. 

Jamil sighed, never one to fold under pressure, and tucked it inside his clothes ready for this (slightly unexpected) task. 

It took him a few hours to get to the location detailed on the note, a looming abandoned tower. The wooden door creaked open, quickly announcing his presence. He winced and tried not to imagine all the bugs roaming about, quickly taking to the stairs. 

The note had specified that they’d be waiting for him on the top floor, so he walked up 17 flights of stairs, taking the time to check each floor for traps or possible ambushes as he went. By the time he reached the top, he was more than slightly annoyed. 

Five men were waiting, two on each side of the stairwell and one standing next to an open window gripping the back of a chair you were tied to. Jamil instantly raised his hands in defeat, cautiously entering the room. 

“You came.” The one standing next to you spoke in a raspy voice. 

“Hm.” Jamil surveyed the room. “Well, I suppose this is the part where you threaten me?”

The man laughed loudly, “You’re bold. Information on the Asim’s or she gets it.” He tilted your chair slightly off the edge. 

Jamil’s calm façade momentarily broke as he took a step forward, his charcoal eyes locked on the man’s blue ones, “Don’t be rash.” 

 “It’s just a simple trade.” The man smiled, enjoying rocking you back and forth on the edge. “A life for a life, let’s say.” You bit your lip to keep your silence, your eyes skewered shut.

“Alright. What is it you need? Upcoming deals? Schedules?”

“Everything you have.”

Jamil scoffed, “Well, most of it is Kalim’s favorite meals. That, too?”

“Don’t try to be smart with me.”

“I’m just average all across the board. Nobody would describe me as smart.” He spoke with a calm face, despite his racing heart and sweating palms. 

The man looked up, making eye contact with Jamil before his eyes dimmed and he threw you on the opposite side of the room. You coughed at the sudden movement, reeling from how your head struck the wall behind you. When you looked up, Jamil was standing in front of you with his magical pen drawn and the remaining four men were unconscious on the floor. 

He closed the distance between the final man, whispering something in his ear before he collapsed. Jamil took a second to breathe before rushing over to you, untying the knots and holding you in his arms.

With shaky arms, you pulled yourself against his chest and listened to his racing heartbeat. 

“Are you okay?” He whispered, staring blankly at the chair you were tied to moments ago.

“I love you.” Your croaky voice was nearly lost between the folds of his clothing, but he leaned down to kiss your ear anyway.

“I love you, too.” He held you tighter, hoping you couldn’t feel the tears starting to run down his cheeks. 

[dazeythescout]

in your post with perks in the tags, are you meaning the rest are bad or perks is objectively bad? just curious!! :)

so i don’t think perks of being a wallflower is necessarily as bad as i implied it to be but i do have a lot of .... conflicting opinions

first of all i read it when i was 10 years old. for those of u that have only seen the movie—the book is a lot more explicit and has at least one notable extra scene that is definitely not appropriate for a ten year old lol. i learned a lot from that book that i otherwise wouldn’t have known. this isn’t my issue with it—it’s not the author or the book’s fault if someone that’s too young reads it, this is just background info

the book is SHORT. like, worryingly short once you realize just how many heavy subjects were written about. so many things were touched on but with an assumption that the reader already had extensive background knowledge, which just isn’t true. it’s marketed towards teenagers, and putting aside the fact that i read it when i was 10, it just wasn’t an ethical way to write about stuff like rape & violent homophobia & serious mental illness & drugs & incest & child abuse and probably like ten other things that i’m forgetting, all for a teenage audience

i didn’t like the way patrick was outed. i know that happens in real life, but it always just irks me when there’s only one lgbt character in a piece of media and one of their huge character plot points is homophobia, especially as someone who was outed

i know a handful of people who dated seniors when they were freshmen and lemme tell u looking back they all can attest that it negatively impacted them. i’m about to be a senior right now and i wouldn’t even consider dating a sophomore honestly. i feel like charlie’s friends took advantage of him and it was never fully addressed properly. there’s probably something to be said about the way charlie was taken advantage of by seniors and how that parallels his relationship with his aunt, but i’m very much not qualified or comfortable to speak about that

i’m sure it wasn’t the author’s intent while writing (and someone with a better understanding of literature & psychology might be able to do a better read of this than i have) but it did come off as romanticizing a lot of these heavy subjects. some of it was due to the fact that it was so short, but a lot of it is also due to the book’s cultural impact and the way most people view it as a pretty standard coming of age story. it’s not—it’s very heavy, and i think the movie’s deliberate extraction of a few key scenes is the reason why we don’t collectively see how heavy it really is

also it’s just...overwhelmingly white. i’m white myself i don’t want to overstep on this point (and i wish i could go back and reread it right now to give some examples) but i just don’t think we really need more stories about white american teens

all this being said, it was a formative book to me as a 10 year old & as a preteen when i reread it, and i have a lot of nostalgia tied to it so i do consider it a favorite

[zukuist]

stood you up [hcs]

“it sounds exactly as it looks like. they stood you up on a date, and they realize the damage.”

includes: todoroki shouto, midoriya izuku, togata mirio (part one)

your name is shortened to y/n, they/them pronouns used (quirk up to the imagination)

notes: ANGST 😳 IN MY BLOG?? never thought i’d see it but.. here we are. i plan on doing part 2 with other characters.

—

todoroki shouto

he wakes up on a saturday, as per usual.

and he’s kinda— no scratch that, he’s very irritated

because the other night— endeavor was bothering him about ‘not training properly’ and he was accusing him of slacking off.

which.. he’s not

his father also gave him a scolding (which lasted for hours.),

but nothing too bad. it was enough to make him irritated. so uh oh. todoroki’s really something else when he’s irritated.

and endeavor also blew up his phone with badly written text messages, telling him to train today.

so likely, he also woke up quite irritated.

he just wanted to drown himself in training and school work to forget about it.

completely forgetting the date HE said he’d take you on that afternoon, the date he planned a week before.

because he FINALLY got the courage to ask his crush aka you out. with the help of midoriya

like.. you pass him in the hallway— and before you were able to speak, he just kinda..

glared at you and walked away, not exchanging any words with you. he really needs to cool down

which was.. huh. 🤨 okay then. but you excused it because todoroki had a resting bitch face at some moments

it’s 5pm now, and he’s chilling in the common room— and he finally calmed down, and he’s back to his usual demeanor

midoriya walks in the common room, and he’s like “hey todoroki! how was the date with y/n?”

because midoriya helped orchestrate the date, he wanted to know

todoroki’s just like “fuck.” he forgot, and he also may have glared at you by accident.

realization is shown on his face, and midoriya is left apalled— begging him to “go find y/n quick!”

todoroki literally goes 🏃‍♂️💨 to the meeting place, which was the park in this case

and he can’t find you— so he scans the entire vicinity, and he can see you walking back to the dorm in a distance

immediately, he runs after you— calling for you to just wait and hear him out but you don’t turn back,

because you just want to lay in bed and sleep for 5 days

and besides.. he’s the last person you wanted to see right now

he grabs you, which makes him stop in place— “y/n, please just—”

“oh what now, listen? you were the one that asked me out, todoroki. and you just..” bitterness is in your tone, and he can’t even be mad.

your voice falters, and you were mad at first. but you’re just exhausted at this point

you guys haven’t spoke all day

“i’m sorry, i’m so sorry,” he apologizes, looking at your appearance.

you look beautiful, and he just wasted it by forgetting the occasion. he doesn’t want to imagine what you’ve felt in the last several hours

“my father scolded me last night,” he grips on your hands, brushing his thumb on the back of your hand,

“and it was for a long time. and i was just so frustrated by it, i even looked at you weirdly and forgot about the entire date i planned out for weeks. and i’m sorry. i understand if you don’t want to—”

“just stop, okay?” he looks up, and you don’t seem that mad anymore. “i understand. i just wished you told me about it, y’know?”

it doesn’t seem enough, so he pulls you into a hug, “i’m sorry. may i.. take you out again tomorrow? i promise i’ll make it right.”

you give him a chance, after all— you know he truly cares about you.

midoriya izuku

in this case, y’all are already together

but he wanted to take you out on a date— because you guys have been so busy, that you just had no time for any proper dates

so.. he wanted to take you out during the break, finally relieved by the hectic activities for a day.

out of everyone here, he’s the least likely to forget things like dates, anniversaries, etc.

but izuku being that person that’s always like “i have to keep training and training to master this quirk!”

he might have gotten.. overboard with the training. making him completely forget about the entire occassion.

during days like this, he’ll try to split his time by training for 2 hours and studying for the same amount

but homeboy got distracted 💀

too distracted to the point he didn’t even look at the clock once

and now it’s nearly 5pm (y’all were supposed to have lunch at 12)

when he heads out to go get a glass of water in the kitchen, he runs into bakugou on the way

bakugou looked displeased. and he hasn’t seen him look this displeased since middle school

“aren’t you forgetting something?” he says that in his usual tone, and izuku can only stare at him questioning

“your shitty thing with y/n. they walked in here looking like someone shat in their cereal.”

oh no

how could he.. forget?

izuku immediately storms off to your floor, knocking on your door

“y/n? y/n, can we please talk?” his heart is racing with worry, and he’s not even sure if you’re gonna answer the door

you begrudgingly open the door, but you’re not facing him— you’re still dressed in the clothes you wore going out

and it looks like you’ve been crying

“dear,” izuku wants to console you, but you don’t want to recieve his hugs right now— especially after he stood you up

“this is our only day off, izuku.” you try to make your voice sound normal, but it’s not really working

“i know, i’m sorry. i’m so sorry y/n. i forgot about the entire thing while i was training, and i know i made you feel bad. i’m just so sorry.” he apologizes to you over and over again

you don’t look at him, so he cups your face with his calloused hands—

his touch soft on you as he wipes your tears “please talk to me.”

you huff, “i know how much you want to train your quirk, and be the best at all times. i’m not mad that you want to do that, but i just wished you spent time with me, even if it’s just for a minute.”

izuku listens, and you’re right. you guys haven’t been the best with quality time,

and it wasn’t fair of him to just go out and suddenly forget the date he arranged.

“i’m sorry.”

“stop apologizing,” you sigh, “just bring some snacks so we can watch that movie you’ve been raving about.”

his expression lights up, and he dashes downstairs to retrieve the items

oh and.. how bakugou knows about y’all’s date? he totally suggested it

togata mirio

mirio has always been the best boyfriend for you

never forgetting anything, infact- he’s usually the one that’s always early to the dates

because he’s so excited to hang out with you!

but because of his quite friendly nature, he’s practically a chick magnet

girls swarming him whenever they could, doesn’t even matter that they don’t have to date him— they just want to talk to him

and while he’s nice to these girls, he’s not disloyal to you at all— and that’s why you don’t mind it,

because you trust him

okay but.. you don’t mind it when girls swarm your boyfriend, until it gets in the way

like.. one time he was supposed to be at a date with you— but he got surprised by a bunch of girls

and not wanting to be rude to them, he entertained them

and he considered cutting the conversation short but.. they just kept going and going

until he’s an hour late. y’all were supposed to get lunch together.

eventually, the girls go away— which so happened to be around the time tamaki and nejire started looking for him.

“mirio!” nejire called out for him, tamaki right next to her “how was the— wait, did you have lunch with y/n?”

mirio blinks, and that’s when he realizes that he messed up.

tamaki sighs, and he can only pat his shoulder— “mirio, i k-know you’re a nice guy, but don’t let yourself get distracted.”

nejire can only agree, “afterall, y/n’s the one you’re dating, not those other people.”

they urge him to go find you, and when he does find you— you’re sitting on a bench, not looking amused at all.

“hi mirio,” you deadpan, “how were those girls you were talking to?”

mirio knows he messed up, he really does! “i’m so sorry, y/n!” he tries to explain himself “they got me.. carried away.”

“mirio, i know that you’re nice. i let them talk to you because i trust you. but when you go out and do things like this.. it’s strange! really.”

you want to not be angry, since this was bound to happen— possibly the day where mirio just forgets about you entirely

“i’m really sorry.” he sighs, disappointed with himself, “i really love you, and i’ll only ever date you! but i should’ve dismissed them much earlier.”

your gaze softens, and you cup his cheek with your hand “it’s okay, mirio. i’ll let it be just this once, but please promise me that it won’t happen again.”

mirio nods “yes, yes! i promise. it’ll never happen again.” he smiles, reassuring you

“now let’s get something to eat. i haven’t eaten yet.”

“right, right.” mirio laughs, the tense atmosphere dissipating

mirio tries to be more direct with dismissing them from now on, especially when he has to be somewhere with you.

—

©️izukulie 2021, bnha|mha belongs to horikoshi kohei. do not steal❕

[morizoras-cave]

Sleepyhead (Request)

MCU cast x gn!teen!co-star!reader, Benedict Cumberbatch x gn!reader

Genre: Angst, fluff

Request Description: Hiya♥️could i please request a teen x marvel cast were they always find her sleeping and taking naps everywhere around set and they confront her about it and she says something about having to take care of her little siblings because her parents are never arohnd do she gets no sleep. Sorry if its to long.❤❤❤❤❤😍🥰

Warnings: irresponsible parents, negligence, slight insecurity, stress

(A/N): sorry this is kind of centered around benedict, i find these mcu cast x reader ones difficult. also im watching a belarusian war-movie from 1985 about the holocaust. its absolutely terrifying (im very serious, i’d be cautious for trigger warnings). if you’re looking for a horror movie or something, search “come and see movie” on youtube and you’ll find the entire thing there (:

At first, it had been sweet. A testament to the insomniatic youth, if you will. In every closet, behind every door, and on every soft surface, you could be found in between takes, snoring away.

They all agreed you were probably watching movies or playing games up late at night, computer screen illuminating your face. Or maybe you were chatting with your faraway friends. Either way, it was almost endearing to find you drooling on the couches scattered around the set.

Sweet and endearing at first, yes. But then the feelings about it, the longer it went on, the more your mature and well behaved personality clashed with the idea of you staying up all night, the more the feelings about your frequent naps changed.

To the set workers, the coordinators and overseers of the countless tasks on set, it became an issue. 

“Where’s Y/n? We need them for the next scene!” 

More often than not, several people would be running around set in search of you. And of course you apologized profusely when they found and woke you, but it didn’t matter when you never changed.

But to your coworkers, the talented actors and actresses on set of this huge movie production, it was concerning. Because you were their friend, undoubtedly. 

When you would be pulled out a distant break room, rubbing your dark and drowsy eyes, mumblings would start among them. 

“Are they okay?” 

“They just seem so sensible, I don’t understand why they would stay up like that.” 

And then there was you. Young and unfortunate you. Just trying to do your best, trying to please everyone. It was impossible for anyone to know how much you were juggling with. 

You felt like a bird with a broken wing, still flying but bound to fall to its death. You knew it was too much. You knew it was only a matter of time before you broke. 

Most teens felt stressed with just schoolwork, and then there was you. Battling long set days and huge mounts of schoolwork. And then the family.

Your parents that never seemed to be around. They were both working all the time and often left you and your siblings to yourselves. The problems with that was that you were the eldest, and your siblings were too young to take care of themselves. You were the one left to bring home groceries, to make dinner, to bring them to bed, and to help them with any of their schoolwork or difficulties. 

And it was too much. Simply put it was too much for you. You had managed back when you were just another teen at school, but now you were in a movie, you had a JOB.

Usually you’d go to set and work your ass off, get home and help the kids all day, and then do your schoolwork in the night. You almost never got more than an hour or two of sleep, which was why you settled for small naps during your filming sessions. 

You were so stressed, and you wanted to be angry, because in truth you had every right to. But you were too tired and too busy to be angry. Too focused on your siblings and doing good as an actor. But you would never want to involve your coworkers. You thought it would be embarrassing and unprofessional to involve them. So you carried the weight all alone.

“Wake up! Wake up!” 

Someone was shaking you awake. You blinked your eyes open. A redhead set assistant was yelling in your face, grasping your shoulders. 

She stopped when she saw your eyes turning to slits, before widening to look at her. 

“Am I on?” you mumbled, rubbing your eyes. The lady scoffed.

“Are you on? Yeah, you’re on,” she spat and swung around, heels clicking on the floor, as she exited the break room briskly.

You were ashamed. Of course you were. You were so unprofessional and problematic. But you knew you had no other time to sleep, so this was your only option. The thought made you want to cry. 

Instead, you stood up and walked to where the scene would be filmed, through several hallways and technical rooms, before you arrived to the large set. 

Benedict, Robert, Tom (Holland), Chris (Pratt), Pom, and Dave were all gathered and ready to film. Your face was on fire, so you avoided their gazes, and just got into position to film the next scene. 

Benedict and Robert exchanged glances as you yawned, but before they could talk to you (as it seemed everyone was getting fed up with your constant sleepiness) the director yelled “action”, and the acting resumed. 

You all did the scene and you, surprisingly, did okay for having woken up about five minutes earlier. You continued doing several scenes for the movie all together, going through about three full scenes.

When the director was satisfied, everyone started scattering. You, rubbing your tired eyes, was already beelining for the break room, hoping to see an empty couch for you to crash.

However, before you could sneak off to catch some z’s, you felt a firm hand on your shoulder. You blinked, turning around and gazing at the person who had grabbed your shoulder. It was Benedict, Robert, Tom and Chris not fat behind him. He had a stern look on his face. 

“Y/n, we need to talk.”

“Yeah, sure, what’s up?” your tone was casual, or perhaps too exhausted to express any real emotion, but inside you felt your stomach churn with anxiety. 

“Why are you always sleeping?” Robert chimed in. 

“Yeah, because if you’re up watching Youtube or whatever, you probably shouldn’t!” Tom said.

“Not that we’re assuming that that’s what you’re doing! It’s just- You know..,” Chris explained, voice full of panic.

You smiled softly. You recognized that they were coming from a place of worry. Then, your heart sunk slightly. You could cry. Again. Over the thought of your lack of time and your endless responsibilities. 

“It’s nothing serious, it’s just..” you trailed off, trying to figure out how you could make it sound less sad. Things always sounded worse when spoken out loud, you found. “I have two siblings, and my parents are never around, so I’m kind of the person taking care of them.” 

Your coworkers in front of you fell silent. You could see it on their faces. They didn’t like it. 

“You?” Robert said finally, and you just nodded. 

“So, you’re doing a movie, doing school, and taking care of your siblings at the same time?” Benedict repeated slowly, and once again you just nodded. There was nothing more to say. 

“Why aren’t your parents there?” Chris asked in his serious-unserious voice. 

“They’re working a lot,” you mumbled, disliking the collective attention on you. The thought of the couch made you yearn for some rest. You could tell that there were many things they wanted to do in that moment. They wanted to fix it all. 

“Can’t you tell them you don’t have time?” 

“I’ve tried that already. They say they don’t have a choice,” to this, both Robert and Benedict scoffed and shook their heads. You just watched with heavy eyes. 

“Alright. Here’s what’s going to happen,” Benedict said quietly, eyes boring into yours, “I’m going to call a nanny to look after your siblings for a couple of days, don’t worry I’ll pay. You’re going to back to the hotel and sleep for at least 10 hours. When you’ve done that, and only when you’ve done that, will we talk about how we’ll move forward with your parents.” 

You were quiet. You couldn’t stand up to your parents like Benedict wanted you to. You just couldn’t. They were busy and that was understandable. 

Although, you had to admit, the thought of sleeping for 10 hours was enticing. Heck, worst case scenario, you could settle for 5! Your tiredness was like heavy cuffs and chains on your body, and Benedict stood with the shining, golden key right in front of you. 

“Benedict, I- I can’t do that to my parents-”

“No, your parents can’t do this to you! This is absolutely outrageous!” He was frustrated you could tell. Robert seemed upset too, while Tom and Chris stepped back and let the adults handle it. Though, they seemed sad for you. 

You went quiet. 

“I just-” 

“I don’t want to hear another word about how they’re somehow excused for their behavior. This is negligence, Y/n! This is too much for you and you know it! You’re exhausted and it’s so painful to see, so please. Just take me up on this.”

You sighed.

“Alright, then.” you said, body finally giving in to the attractive offer. Benedict’s face carried the ghost of a satisfied smile, before going back to the stone cold determination. 

You drove to the hotel in Robert’s car and they booked you an extra room, knowing that your siblings occupied the other one. As soon as you could fall back on the bed, you were gone, body screaming for rest. 

You woke up 14 hours later, feeling happier, brighter and well-rested. That feeling had been forgotten by you, but it was alright, you decided. Every inch of you blossomed with energy now. 

As promised, Benedict had ordered a nanny for your siblings (the nanny was a lovely human being, and simply amazing with kids). Benedict, Robert, Chris and Tom has split the bill. 

You called him when you woke up, and he dragged you to a restaurant, where the two of you had a long, long talk about why what your parents were doing was serious and unacceptable. He could tell he needed to explain it to you, because you, like many children, were ready to defend your parents’ at all costs. 

Needless to say, after Benedict’s advice you didn’t have to go through that kind of thing again. You settled it with your parents (as well as your siblings), and after that you were so grateful that Benedict helped you out of that responsibility, because it wasn’t yours to have. 

Benedict was just happy to help, the memory of seeing you sleep everywhere, now less endearing and simply painful. He didn’t like thinking about it, and so he tried not to, but rather focused on your laughter and bright smile. In truth, that’s the only thing that really mattered. 

___________________________

Tag List:

@hera-the-writer @marvel-madness @40srogcrs @whatthefuckimbisexual @snarky–starky @garbage-potato @eviemarvel @lozzypoz321 @allthecreativeonesaretaken @missamericana713 @rororo06 @shady80smusicsingercolor @ireadfanficforfun

[twinklelilstarkey]

Stopping You - Michael Gray [Part 6]

Words: 3.9k+

Type: Angst & Fluff

Warnings: Female!Reader. Cursing. Mentions of the nightmare and their past relationship. Cuteness overload with kids.

Prologue    Part 1    Part 2    Part 3    Part 4    Part 5    Part 6    Part 7

The night was long.

It took you an entire hour to calm down completely, and Finn was quick to make you lean back on the bed. He sat next to your head, hand laid over your hair, massaged your scalp lightly to try and relax you.

Michael stood in the doorway during all of it.

He saw you crying for help, saw his cousin and his mom cleaning your tears away, saw you falling back asleep under Finn’s touch. And how, when you were asleep, Finn never left your side.

As Finn falls asleep against the headboard of your bed, Michael leaves the room for the first time. The image of you sobbing into his mother’s chest replays continuously in his mind like a curse. The fact that everyone knew exactly what to do with you terrified him.

He makes his way down the stairs of the home and drags his tired feet to his mom’s big expensive couch, letting himself fall onto it, hoping that exhaustion could take over.

But it doesn’t.

At 5:30 in the morning, he hears Finn leave your room and walk over to the guests’ room, where he had said previously, to Polly, he would sleep.

Michael wasn’t able to sleep the whole night. Polly and Finn were, but so lightly that they would wake up with someone just doing something as silent as walking on the pavement outside.

At around 7 in the morning, you’re the one awake, sitting on the side of the bed and cringing in pain as you try to force your sore body up from the mattress.

Taking a few minutes until you’re able to do it.

You decide to use the early hours to your advantage and take a bath to wash the sweat from last night out of your skin. And when done, you walk back to the room and grab a clean suit and white blouse from the wardrobe in the corner of the room.

You look yourself in the mirror when dressed and see the bruise on your collar bone, peeking from the unbuttoned top of the blouse. You throw some gold necklaces around your neck, in hopes that they would distract whoever sees the bruise, as well as button one of the buttons.

You walk out of the bedroom and all you can hear from the house is the soft patter of your feet over the wooden floor.

As you reach the kitchen, you’re met with a sight you didn’t exactly expect to have so early in the morning. Michael sitting in one of the kitchen’s highchairs, elbows over the countertop as his hands cover and run through his face.

You don’t greet him, obviously, but the sound of you grabbing the kettle on the other side of the kitchen is enough to make him look up and finally see you.

As you fill the kettle with water and put it over the lit stove, Michael watches you silently. He doesn’t want to disturb you as you move your awfully bruised body as if it doesn’t even hurt through the kitchen.

You shove your hand inside your pocket and take out all the rings you had just stuffed there previously, so you could decide which ones to wear while you wait for your tea. You put them over the free countertop, in front of Michael, and look through them.

Michael watches you intensely as the coffee in front of him grows cold. The exposed skin of your chest, decorated with the golden jewellery, catches his attention, and he holds in a cringe at the sight of the purple bruise peeking from the side.

The hiss of the kettle finally sounds through the room and you don’t even flinch at its loud and sudden sound. You start decorating your fingers after much analysing and Michael almost lets out a chuckle at how at least 3 you picked, are his mom’s.

Once done, you look up and your eyes are met with Michael’s. You don’t say anything, nor hold your usual annoyed expression at him, you just stare back silently.

“Did you- Uhm…” His voice breaks the silence, “Did you sleep well?”

You blink at his question and turn around while taking a deep breath, grabbing a mug from the cabinet above the stove.

“Don’t act like you care, Michael” You simply say, turning off the flame from the stove.

He looks away when hearing your usual arrogant tone as if wounded and clenches his jaw.

You prepare your tea, ignoring his presence, and once done, you turn back around, putting down the scolding hot tea on top of the counter in front of him. You grab the rest of the rings and put them back in your pocket while observing all the steam coming from your mug.

“I care” Michael finally responds, “It might seem like I don’t, but I do”

You look up at him and sigh.

“I don’t believe you” You offer a quick fake smile.

Michael falls silent once more and you let your eyes go back down to the steaming mug. All the possible ways to restart the conversation run through Michael’s mind, but the smell of your favourite tea and your perfume takes his mind in a whole another journey.

It amazes him how close you’re standing to him, so close that he doesn’t even have to reach to touch you. And for so long too. Something the past-Michael would laugh at, for sure.

You used to always be by his side. Not in an overly clingy way. It was just how you two were. You two felt comfortable standing side by side.

The memories are so livid that Michael can almost still feel your touch over his skin. Every time you would hold his hand in the street, pepper his face with kisses when trying to wake him up on early Monday’s, or hugging his arm close to you when you were cold.

He remembers it, he remembers your warmth and your delicate and soft hands as if he had just felt them the day before.

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry” Michael whispers over the overly loud silence of the kitchen.

You look up at him again and frown slightly.

“About?”

“Everything” He answers slowly, bringing his eyes over to yours. “And, please, believe me when I say that I mean it”

You don’t say anything.

“I’m sorry for saying all of that shit on the phone. I’m sorry for not calling you anymore. I’m sorry for treating you like shit… And I’m sorry for coming back and acting as if nothing happened”

Your heart skips a beat.

You stare at him silently while taking a deep breath, anger starting to build up in your veins, once more. He is not doing this today.

“The other night, I-”

“The other night shouldn’t have happened” You interrupt, defence mode building back your walls around him, “We shouldn’t have had that conversation”

“Why?”

“Because, Michael” You say louder, hating the fact that he was almost able to get under your walls all over again, “What you did is not fucking exactly easy to forgive and forget, or even excusable. You don’t even fucking deserve a minute of my time, let alone a word”

With that, you grab your mug and walk out of the kitchen, not wanting to be in the same room as him.

You walk over to the living room and put the mug down, taking a seat on the couch.

Michael sighs as you do it and leans back on his chair.

(…)

As you close the door of Polly’s home and walk over to your car, Polly herself walks down the stairs.

She frowns at the sound of the door and walks over to the kitchen to find Michael, staring at a wall.

“Who left?”

“Y/N” He answers in almost a whisper.

“And you let her?” She asks with widened eyes, “She can’t even walk straight with all those wounds”

He scoffs and looks at his mom.

“It’s not like I have any word over what she does or stops doing” He comments.

Polly closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm down the nerves she feels towards her own son. She opens them back up and makes her way towards the kettle that still holds enough warm water for a mug of tea.

“Where’s Gina?” She asks as she grabs a mug for herself.

“Probably at the hotel”

“Are you planning on going to see her, today? You spent the whole night here”

Polly turns back to her son, who hasn’t moved a muscle, and he shrugs.

“Yeah. Of course, I am”

Polly nods at his words and puts down her tea, standing exactly where you had stood not even half an hour ago. Michael falls silent again and his mother stares as he fights over his thoughts, even frowning at some.

The older woman sips her warm drink and decides to break the silence.

“What were you two talking about?” She questions, “You were the ones that woke me up”

“I, uhm… I tried to apologize to her”

Polly looks at him shocked.

“Didn’t seem like she took it well” She comments.

“It’s the second time I do it” He admits, making his mother frown, “I don’t know what else to do”

“Second time?”

“Yeah” He nods, swallowing the thick sense of guilt on his throat, “The first time was after that dinner we all had. When I brought her home, we… Uh… Argued”

It all makes sense now.

“She didn’t tell me about this”

“Well, she did say, not too long ago, that ‘that night should have never happened’” He repeats.

Polly stares at her frustrated son and grins while taking a sip of her tea.

“What?” He questions when he notices her smile.

“Nothing, I just” She pauses, “Didn’t expect you to be so worked up about this”

Michael stops for a second. Why wouldn’t he? Yes, you broke up, but you still have a past with a great friendship. He cares for you. And, of course, he wants what’s best for you.

“I do want her to forgive me” He emphasizes, “I just… I don’t how if that’s even possible”

“Michael” Polly starts, taking another sip to warm her throat, “What you put that girl through was inhumane.” Michael tenses up, “You didn’t see half of what she went through, but we all did. Finn and I saw all of it. You were her first ever love, she hoped to be with you forever. And you ripped her heart apart while on the other side of the world”

Oh, how much Polly has dreamed to say all of this to her son. He needs a slap back to reality and she doesn’t care how harsh it really is.

“I didn’t-”

“I know” She says, “But you do need to keep that in mind. Who she is now is the girl that you broke. The girl you loved and promised a future with-”

“But she’s not even the same anymore” He confesses.

“She is” She says with a small smile, “You just had never saw this side of her. Or paid attention to it” He looks at her confused, “Don’t you remember how she looked at Grace’s family in Tommy’s wedding? She hated being close to them, she hated having to talk with the women in the wedding reception. And I watched her as she did it. The cold shoulder she’s giving you, right now, is the same one she gave to those people, Michael.”

“But she never acted like this with me. Even when we first met”

“She was friends with Ada and Esme before meeting you. She knew us, she trusted our family” She explains, “You were introduced to her as my son, a farmer’s boy” She chuckles at the image in her mind, “That was enough to gain her trust”

Michael thought about it for a second.

“She does act different now” Polly continues, “She carries herself with confidence. Acts as if no one can break her. Builds walls around herself so tall that she can’t even peek from over them. But she’s just protecting herself from getting hurt again. That cold shoulder, she would give someone once in a blue moon, is now her new way of staring life in the eyes. She’s not a scared girl anymore, she can fight for herself”

“What do I do, then?”

Polly sighs.

“You can start by thinking what you want with her. You’re engaged Michael, you can’t run after your exes as if they haven’t stared at your fiancé. And once you get that figured out, just try your best at gaining her heart again”

That sounded ridiculously unrealistic to Michael.

“That girl loved you more than her little heart could. She cared for you” Polly emphasizes, “Keep that in mind when talking to her, when apologizing to her. Try to understand her side of the story. But, also, give her time... It’s only been, almost, 3 weeks since you got here”

Give you time. Understand your side. Apologize to you.

Cared for him, loved him.

All of those words made Michael’s chest heavy. He doesn’t know why, but he assumes it’s guilt or, even, regret.

(…)

“Y/N?” Lizzie’s voice sounds as you walk out of your car, “It is you!”

“It is me,” You say with a smile on your face, “Decided to come over to talk about the big night”

You walk over to the front door of Lizzie’s and Tommy’s home and the woman throws her arms around you as soon as you’re close enough.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” She asks when pulling away.

“I already slept a whole night, that’s good enough”

She shakes her head in disapproval, but her smile is still prominent in her face. She had seen you in yesterday’s meeting, but she didn’t even have the chance to talk to you. Especially not after what happened.

You follow her inside the house and one of the maids stops in her tracks to look over your familiar face and say a small ‘good morning, miss’.

“Would you like to eat breakfast with me?” Lizzie asks, “Tommy already left for work”

“Thank you, but I already had breakfast” A lie, “But we can talk while you eat”

Lizzie sends you a small smile and you walk back to the dining room, where she had been previously eating until she heard the motor of your car.

“The maids are dressing up the kids, so it might-”

“Y/N!” Charlie shouts from the doorway of the dining room, catching you both by surprise.

A smile spreads over your face as the small boy runs to you and you pick him up, letting him wrap his small arms around your neck as you hold him over you unbruised hip.

Lizzie smiles at the cute interaction between you two and takes back her seat at the table. You do the same, letting Charlie sit over your legs, but he doesn’t seem to think of letting you go any soon.

“You missed her, uh?” Lizzie asks the boy, making him nod in the crook of your neck.

You two laugh at him and Lizzie restarts her breakfast.

As you two begin a conversation, you help the maid with Charlie’s breakfast, since he doesn’t seem to be wanting to get off your lap. You pass him the piece of buttered toast and he takes it from your hand, munching on it as you have a conversation with his stepmom.

“Tommy talked about a tent?” Lizzie questions and you nod.

“Yeah, it’s where he wants everyone to sit and watch the dance” You confirm, “He did say that he wanted somewhere else for the food and the drinks. I wanted to ask you where, in the house, you think it would be okay for everyone to stay”

“Here?” Lizzie answers, “Do you think this room is big enough? I don’t even know how many people are coming”

“Around 30 to 40 people, I believe” You reply, “Counting with all of us too. But yeah, I think this is good for all those people”

“Great” Lizzie says with a small smile, sipping her orange juice.

The soft patter of smaller feet is heard from the hallways and you all turn to see Ruby walking in the room in front of a maid.

She smiles towards her mom and you and runs towards the table, excited to have her breakfast.

“Can me and Y/N ride the horses?” Charlie questions Lizzie, still biting onto his bread.

“Not sure, Charlie. Y/N needs to rest, she’s had some rough few days. Don’t you think it’s better if all of you just played in the garden? You can show her what you got for your birthday, if you’d like”

Charlie nods at her words with a smile, already excited to show you his new horse toy.

He leans into your chest as he eats his toast and you clench your jaw as his head lays right over your bruised collar bone.

“Do you already know the colour the women will have to wear on that night?” You ask Lizzie, curious to see her reaction.

“There’s a colour assigned for us?” She asks, lifting her eyebrows at you.

“Unfortunately.”

“Oh god, what is it?”

“Gold” You say with a smile and she opens her mouth dumbfounded.

She shakes her head in disgust and you can’t help but chuckle at her.

(…)

Hours later, your ass has grown painfully sore on the grass of Tommy and Lizzie’s garden. You have to admit that even with all this pain, you haven’t had this much fun with kids in a long time.

You missed this.

Ruby sits comfortably in between your legs as Charlie runs through the garden with his new horse toy in hand, acting as if the horse runs through the wind at his speed.

Lizzie talks to one of the maids as she looks out of the window to see you plant a kiss on top of Ruby’s head, making the small girl look up and smile at you. You smile back and look up at the energetic boy that keeps on running.

The sound of the doorbell is heard through the house and one of the maids is quick to walk over to the front door. She opens it and is greeted with the sight of Polly Gray, herself.

“Polly” Lizzie says with a smile, surprised to see the older woman.

“Hello, is Y/N here?”

“Yes, in the garden with the kids”

Polly almost sighs of relief and walks towards the black-haired woman. They stand next to each other as they greet one another, and both look out of the window to stare at you.

They grin at the sight of you talking to Charlie and play with Ruby’s hair, gasping dramatically while accepting the red flower he had just stolen from his stepmom’s rose bush.

“How is she doing?” Lizzie asks.

“Hanging in there” Polly answers, not taking her eyes off you.

“And Michael?”

“Finally waking up to the shit he has caused”

A smirk grows on Lizzie’s face and Polly takes her eyes off you to look at the woman beside her.

“Took him long enough” She comments, making Polly chuckle slightly.

You look over your shoulder once sensing eyes on you and you’re met with both Polly and Lizzie staring. Lizzie says something behind the window and almost in that same second a maid walks out of the house, walking towards you.

“Miss,” The maid calls out for you and the kids stop what they’re doing to look at you, “Mrs. Shelby asked for all of you to go back inside since it’s getting cold”

You nod and offer a small smile. The maid turns and walks back inside, you lift Ruby from your lap and try to bring yourself up from the soft ground without groaning in pain.

Charlie stretches his hand up at you and you take it into yours as you pick up Ruby and hold her on your hip. You three walk back inside the house and the warmth of the large house hits all of you as soon as you step in.

“Let’s go into the living room, we’ll drink some tea there” Lizzie says.

Charlie let’s go of your hand and follows Lizzie into the living room, probably expecting to find the usual cookies he gets to eat when she has her tea.

“You were supposed to be resting” Polly says as she reaches your side, “Your body is too weak to be walking around, especially in heels”

“I’m okay” You insist, offering a small smile too, “I’ll rest when I get home”

You two go into the living room and take a seat on the couch, where it’s way more comfortable than the grass outside, for sure.

Ruby turns on your lap so that she can lean back into your chest and Lizzie continues to open the small box that holds Charlie’s favourite cookies.

“Where’s your flower?” Charlie asks you before taking a bite out of his cookie.

“In my pocket, I have to keep it safe” You say before pulling the rose out of your pocket.

Polly smiles at the sight of the perfect flower.

“What a beautiful flower, Charlie” Lizzie compliments, making the small boy smile proudly.

“You like Y/N, don’t you, boy?” Polly asks him, making him snap his head at her.

“Of course, I do” He answers, making every woman chuckle at him, “She’s my best of friends”

The boy grabs another cookie from the box and turns around, taking a seat on the ground in front of all the ladies, and his stepsister, who is playing with the rings in your hand.

Lizzie starts a conversation between every grown up in the room and you listen silently. Sometimes getting distracted with Charlie and his ways to catch your attention.

You lean your chin against Ruby’s head and the small girl leans in closer.

Charlie, when bored, stands from the ground and walks towards you, pulling himself up the couch so he can sit between you and Polly.

You smile at him and he smiles back, snuggling into your side.

(…)

Michael leans against the cold hotel window, his naked skin erupting into chills at the change of temperature.

His head is still pounding over all the screaming that he had to listen to when coming into the room, and now his eyes plead to close, so they can bring him into the deep sleep he so needs.

Gina turns on the bed and he looks over at her, hating how she lays as if nothing happened.

Right as he made his way back inside the hotel suite, he was welcomed back by a screaming Gina who filled him with all the types of questions about his whereabouts. Obviously, not believing that he was just at his mom’s house.

His mother’s words have sunk into his brain, branding it with the horrible truth he has caused in your life.

Guilt heavies his shoulders and eats his morals away just enough to not let him close his eyes to fall asleep.

He regrets all he has done; all he has said to you. He wants to go back in time and stop him himself from doing what he did. To escape this outcome. To escape seeing you in pain. To escape not seeing you like he did before.

But, what about Gina?

- - - - - -

This part is very boring compared to the others, I know, but we needed a calm part for what’s about to happen (wink wink).

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[mountainsluna]

wanna be loved

request: “an angst with a fluff ending”

pairing: San x Seonghwa x Reader (female)

genre: angst + fluff

word count: 1.25k

✩ [author’s note] writing this hurt my heart sooo much, i’ve never really written angst before. poor babies just wanna be loved :<

✩ masterlist

✩ requests : check bio or masterlist ♡

“Babyyy, cuddles please.” San called as he walked through the door with Seonghwa behind him, making his way into your arms.

The tone of his voice letting you know he wasn’t feeling okay. In fact, every day this week was the same thing. His insecurities had him feeling down and with the comeback coming up, he was even more stressed. His days becoming routine. He’d wake up early, practice all day, come home late and get his cuddles. You didn’t complain as you loved giving San cuddles but since Seonghwa also came home at the same time as San everyday, his clinginess was leading your other boyfriend to feel neglected.

Seonghwa wasn’t the type to let things like that effect him. He knew you loved him just as much as San and he knew how clingy the smaller boy was, especially when he wasn’t feeling himself. 

It was okay though, he could handle a little less attention as he knew San needed extra comfort. You two still had your mornings together as San always tended to sleep in a bit longer than you both. Sharing quiet, peaceful moments on the sofa or on the balcony of your apartment, talking about anything and everything. Or just sitting in comfortable silence, his hands grazing softly over any skin his fingers could reach.

However, being pre-comeback season, those mornings were being cut short. The boys would leave before you even woke up for work and return as you were getting ready for bed. But that was okay too, because you still had your one hour drama time with him before bed.

That was, until this week, your nightly routine of laying in Seonghwa’s arms as you two watched an episode of a drama while San played video games on his own, had also come to a halt. Lately, once San was in a comfortable position in your arms, he refused to get up, so Seonghwa would just go to bed on his own. He didn’t want to admit how badly it was effecting him, worried he’d hurt San’s feelings but, he needed you to know his feelings too.

He actually hadn’t realized how upset he was until one day that week when he accidentally snapped at San as they were walking home. They were both tired and exhausted from practicing for over 12 hours. Seonghwa was dying to have you to himself for a while even if it was just for 5 minutes, he needed to be held so bad.

San sighed loudly next to him as they walked, complaining about a part of their choreography that was giving him trouble, “I just can’t wait to lay with y/n I’m so tired.” Seonghwa felt all the heat in is body rush to his head.

“She has another boyfriend too, you know! So maybe back off a bit!” His words shocking them both, stopping the younger boy dead in his tracks. Seonghwa turned to him, regret written all over his face, he couldn’t believe he had just said that to San. “San I’m so, so sorry I didn’t mean-”

“Yes you did. And I deserved it.” San replied, his eyes never looking up from the sidewalk as he began to walk ahead of Seonghwa, feeling heart broken and not knowing what to say to him. If he was so upset, why hadn’t he brought it up to him sooner?? But he knew deep down that Seonghwa wasn’t the confrontational type and he felt bad for not catching onto his feelings sooner, not only was he your boyfriend, he was also Seonghwa’s. He never realized how much his selfish actions had been taking a toll on Seonghwa and the older boy had every right to be upset at him for hogging all your free time.

“San! San, wait please let me talk to you!” Seonghwa followed after him desperately, San’s gaze never shifting.

As they approached the apartment door Seonghwa grabbed San by the shoulders roughly, forcing him to face him. “What Hwa? What else do you have to say??” San asked, tears brimming in his eyes as he tried his hardest to hold them back.

“I want to say I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have snapped at you, I should’ve talked to you sooner, I promise I never meant to hurt you. That’s what I was trying to avoid this whole time but it just made things worse…” His voice faltering a bit at the end, not being able to look San in the eyes anymore. All he wanted was to feel loved and make sure you and San felt loved too. His heart was too big for his chest and that’s what hurt him the most. San rushed into his arms, letting his tears fall silently as he held onto Seonghwa. “I love you so much, Sannie, I really do. Please forgive me.” Relief filling his body as he heard San’s muffled I love you too as he spoke into his chest.

Hearing the commotion from the living room, you opened the door slowly, revealing a sad looking Hwa and a sniffling San. “My babies, what’s going on?” You looked at them worriedly, moving to make room for them to enter, locking the door as they made their way to the sofa. Seonghwa explained to you what happened and how he had been feeling and you almost broke down crying yourself. You loved them both so much and although you did notice the distance between you and Seonghwa recently, it never dawned on you how sad he must have been feeling.

San excused himself to the bathroom to clean off his face and you went to sit in Seonghwa’s lap, holding him tighter than you ever had. “I’m so sorry, my love, you’re always so strong in front of us I forgot how much I needed to care for you too.” His arms wrapping around your midsection as he buried his face in your chest, already feeling so much better than he had all week. San returned, sitting next to you both, his hands in his lap, not wanting to interrupt.

“I see the food’s ready, I’ll go set the table and you two can join after-” Seonghwa pulled him by his shoulder, closing the gap between you three. You moved your legs so that they were on both San and Seonghwa’s laps.

“We can all eat together in a minute and then maybe we can watch a show before bed.” You suggested, one hand stroking Seonghwa’s hair, the other caressing San’s arm that was holding onto your legs. They both agreed softly, you three lingering in each other’s embraces for a bit before getting up.

Once you all were done clearing off the table, Seonghwa made his way to the living room, getting your drama ready as he laid against the armrest of the sofa. You joined him in his arms, your back laying against his chest, just how you two used to be. San was about to head to the bedroom when he heard you and Seonghwa calling after him. “Baby? Are you not going to join us?” You asked him.

“I…is that okay?” He watched Seonghwa’s expression as he spoke.

“Of course, baby boy.” Seonghwa reassured him and he practically dove into your arms nearly falling off the sofa as you giggled at his eagerness.

The amount of love and happiness you all felt for each other was enough to last lifetimes.

“Not that I don’t absolutely love this but maybeee we should move to the bedroom.”

[dimitrescus-bitch]

Where the Heart Is (Teddy Altman x Reader)

The look on Mark’s face when he saw you in the hospital brought actual joy to your being. It wasn’t a look of happiness or pride, but shock and fear. The only person who looked even more fearful of you was Derek, which made sense to you. Mark had slept with your sister and ruined her marriage to Derek, but Derek was the man that your sister had divorced. Besides, you hadn’t necessarily been a big fan of either man when you’d met them. 

“I’m looking for Dr. Hunt,” you said to both men as you looked over your patient chart. “Are you two going to stand there and stare at me or point me in the direction I need to be in?” 

“H-he’s in the ER,” Mark said and you smiled at him as you left. “Baby Montgomery is a doctor?” 

“Apparently she is,” Derek said as he watched you leave. “And she got a job here, with us.” 

“Got her away from Archer I suppose,” Mark said, knowing that if there was one person in the world you detested, it was your big brother. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“Owen, do you have any hands to spare?” You turned in the direction of the question, knowing that you’d probably be the one “spared” for help. You were capable and there wasn’t a lot that you were really helping Dr. Hunt with. When your eyes reached their target, you were taken aback a bit. 

“Of course, Y/n, why don’t you go help Dr. Altman. I’ll page you if an emergency surgery comes up,” Dr. Hunt said and you nodded. You walked over to the beautiful doctor and the two of you walked through the ER to the elevator. 

“I’m Dr. Altman, but you can call me Teddy,” she introduced herself. You shook her hand, surprised slightly by the firm shake. 

“Y/n Montgomery,” you told her. “This hospital is amazing. Even though Owen swore it’s normally more hectic, there’s so much to do.” 

“I’m glad you like it. How are you with cardio?” Teddy asked you. 

“It isn’t my specialty, but I scrubbed in on a lot of different surgeries back in New York. Tons of people with tons of different problems,” you said and Teddy nodded. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

You walked out of your surgery that day absolutely exhausted. It was supposed to be a 40 minute surgery, but ended up taking nearly seven hours. Teddy kept it interesting though, talking to you and telling stories about different surgeries she’d done during her time in the war. You thought that they were interesting and it was amazing the things that could be done with minimal supplies. 

“You look exhausted,” Mark said and you nodded. “Well, look alive because there’s about to be a very angry Addison Montgomery on her way here.” 

“What the hell did you do?” you asked Mark. Before he could answer, you Addison stormed out of an OR and stopped immediately when she saw you. “Addie, good evening. When did you get in?” 

“This morning,” Addison answered. “How about you?” 

“Last night from New York. I’m doing my residency here,” you told her proudly. “Guess what.” 

“What?” Addison asked, her mood improving a bit from your excitement. 

“I scrubbed in on a seven hour cardio surgery,” you told her and Addison let you go on about it for a bit. Eventually, you let her go. She was in a much better mood and Mark told you that he owed you a million. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

“I don’t understand why I’m not even being considered for this,” Yang said to Owen. “I mean, she was letting me do surgeries on my own and now she’s pawning me off.” 

“Teddy just wants to give other people a chance too Cristina,” Owen said and you moved in to pick up a chart for his service. “Actually Y/n, you are with Teddy this week. You must have really impressed the other day.” 

“Oh, um, alright then,” you said with a small smile. Your heart beat a little faster as you went to find Teddy. The two of you did rounds together and then went to the first surgery of the day. 

“Do you have a specialty picked out yet?” Teddy asked you. 

“Not really. I mostly did general surgeries back in New York,” you told her. 

“I think you should consider cardio,” Teddy told you. “I’d be happy to give you any advice or special help you need.” 

“Cardio seems like Cristina’s thing and I don’t want to overstep.” 

“Well, excuse the pun, but I think your heart is really in this,” Teddy told you. 

“I’ll, uh, give it a shot then,” you agreed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

True to her word, Teddy offered you extra lessons. The two of you had some catching up to do. She learned things she’d missed out on when she was overseas and you learned the things that you just hadn’t picked up because you didn’t have a specialty. It was months of late nights in the hospital spent together, getting better and you fell in love with cardio. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Teddy asked as you started walking to the on-call room. 

“Going to get some sleep before my shift starts in four hours,” you said and Teddy pulled you in the opposite direction. “I really should be rested.” 

“And you should also be fed,” Teddy told you. “Come on, you aced the new stitching, so I’m buying.” 

“My need for sleep overtakes my want to make you bankrupt for keeping me up all night,” you said, yawning. 

“Then we’ll go somewhere fast and I’ll buy you coffee before rounds,” Teddy promised you. You fell asleep in the car, but Teddy managed to get something close to your normal order. The two of you had started eating lunch together, so she knew that you liked chicken sandwiches and that you’d hated mayo and only liked the leaf lettuce. When she woke you up, the two of you were in the hospital parking lot. 

“You know, Hunt is an idiot,” you said and Teddy paused. “He’s hung up on Cristina. Yang is brilliant, and maybe it’s the fact that she hates me, but she’s prickly and has a tendency to be overly and prematurely judgmental. You’re not though, you give people chances and you take your time. If I was Owen, I wouldn’t have to think twice.” 

“Are you saying that you like me?” Teddy asked you. You thought on it for a moment and then nodded. 

“Maybe this is the sleep deprivation, but yes I am. You may look like one of the girls that wouldn’t have given me a second look in high school or college, but you don’t act like them,” you told her and Teddy smiled at you. “It’s a shame you’re hung up on Owen though.” 

“Maybe I’m not anymore,” Teddy said and you didn’t understand what she was saying until you felt her lips pressed against your cheek. You turned and just sort of blinked. “Maybe I should get you inside.” 

“Too far,” you said as you reclined the seat all the way back. “Wake me up when it’s time to go in?” 

“Of course,” Teddy told you. You fell asleep and Teddy woke you up so the two of you could get coffee 15 minutes before your shifts started. After your coffee and a breakfast sandwich at Teddy’s insistence, you changed into clean scrubs and put your hair up into a ponytail. 

“Morning Dr. Hunt,” you greeted Owen as you passed him in the hallway. He had come from where Yang and Teddy were talking. They were still talking to each other, but when you approached, Yang left. You were sort of glad because it made kissing Teddy a lot less awkward. “Good morning Dr. Altman.” 

“Good morning to you too Dr. Montgomery,” Teddy said and you wrapped your arms around her waist. “We should get started on rounds.” 

“5 more minutes,” you told her and she let you leaned against her until your shifts officially started. When you’d arrived at Seattle Grace, you hadn’t known what you wanted to do, but now you knew that you were a cardio girl. You knew that because cardio was where your heart was.

[sativaaaaaaa]

The Secret In The Tears || Mildred Ratched & Wilhemina Venable

warnings: depression, intrusive thoughts, self harm, suicide attempt, major angst

~~~~~~

Your relationship with the two reserved redheads had been purely carnal to begin with. They used you for sex and you were fine with it. It then turned into something more....intimate. Long nights spent keening underneath them turned into early mornings wrapped between their arms.

Soon after these changes they asked you to be their submissive; their pet. And of course you happily agreed. You had always let them lead in the bedroom, so everyday life couldn't be much different right?

Well you were wrong. It had been much more than you expected and thought you learned quickly, the adjustment to the new environment was rough. Now here you were six months in feeling like your head is underwater. You life scheduled out by the hour and punishments handed out when things are not up to par. You were trying the best you could, but it seemed like you were being degraded more than praised and it was breaking you on the inside. Yet you never said a word. You just kept with the motions; doing things just good enough so you wouldn't get yelled at.

You were reaching your peak. You started sleeping in a different room at night just to have some peace but it was never granted. You spent many hours of the night crying silently and holding yourself as you tried to put the pieces back together. You felt low, unappreciated, unloved, empty. And once again you cried yourself to sleep, this time not caring if you woke up or not.

~~~~~~~~

To your dismay you did. Alarm blaring at 5:30am like any other day. You hit the button to turn it off and stayed in the bed just staring at the wall. You laid there until you heard Mildred rumbling around; getting up and going to your bathroom to avoid her for the time being. You lulled through your hygiene routine and changed into some sweatpants and a t shirt. You made your bed despite the desperate want to climb back in it and headed downstairs. You walked down the hall and towards the kitchen; the smell of brewing coffee roamed through most of the house. As you turned the corner you saw Mildred in her nurse uniform packing her lunch for the day. She glanced over her shoulder looking at you as you walked into the kitchen.

"Well good morning to you too." She said frowning. She looked over your attire before shaking her head.

"Sorry. Good morning." You said in a low voice with your gaze fixated on the ground in front of you. Mildred paused what she was doing to look at you properly; frown still plastered across her face.

"Look at me when I'm speaking to you. And what on earth do you have on?" She chided. You drew in a silent breath and raised your head to look at her.

"I'm not feeling too well so I just put on something that'll help me be a little more comfortable." You replied whilst wrapping your arms around your abdomen.

Her eyes scanned over you once more to take in your appearance. Your glassy eyes and dark circles led her to believe you were telling the truth about not feeling well. She turned away from you and continued to pack her lunch.

"Do you need to see a doctor?" She asked as she set her lunch to the side and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"No, I'll just take some tylenol and lay down later on. I should be fine."

"Alright well if you change your mind just give me or Wilhemina a call." She said as she turned around to face me.

"And why on earth would she need to call me?" You hear Wilhemina ask as she walked into the kitchen. She almost immediately walked over to Mildred to place a soft kiss on her lips. The action torn you to pieces.

"The poor girl isn't feeling well. Just look at her eyes." Mildred said pointing in your direction. You shifted uncomfortably now that the attention was on you. Wilhemina looked over your physique before scoffing.

"She looks perfectly fine to me. I expect everything to be done by the time we make it home. Understood?"

You swallowed the lump that was forming in your throat before looking up at her and nodding.

"Yes ma'am. I understand. If you'll excuse me." You said before turning around and going back upstairs. As you were walking up the stairs tears stung your eyes, you wouldn't allow them to fall though.

Meanwhile in the kitchen Mildred was feeling conflicted. She could see that something was wrong with you. At least she thought she could. But she didn't want to start an argument with Wilhemina over the matter; so she stayed silent. They both left the house bidding you goodbye as you slowly made their bed.

~~~~~~~

You did your daily routine of cleaning and preparing things for dinner before collapsing on your bed. You curled up in the center of the bed and let your eyes close from mental exhaustion. You never fell asleep though, you only laid on your bed in silence. After a while you finally opened your eyes and checked the time. 4:15pm.. They would be home soon.

You sighed and forced yourself to get up and go downstairs to the kitchen to start dinner. You took all the ingredients out of the fridge and laid them on the counter. Soon after you moved on to chopping the ingredients needed to make the redhead's favorite foods for dinner.

You gaze turned to the shiny blade of the knife and you zoned out, getting lost in harmful thoughts.

'Just do one.'

'Stab yourself.'

'Do it.'

'Do it.'

'DO IT!!'

Before you realized it you had given in and acted upon your thoughts; deeply cutting your inner forearm. You dropped the knife on the floor and grasped your arm with a pained gasp. You turned to go towards the sink but the sudden movement combined with you not eating all day caused your vision to blur. Time seemed to slow down and you hit your head against the edge of the counter before crashing onto the floor. The fall knocked the wind out of your body making you frantically gasp for air.

You were fighting to stay conscious when you heard the front door unlocked with some banter.

"All I'm saying is you don't need to be so rough all the time. Loosen up some." You heard Mildred say.

"I still don't see why I need to. I made a commitment to you, not her." Wilhemina shot back almost as if her words were laced with venom.

Upon hearing that you let go. You stopped fighting to stay awake and let the darkness take over you as you heard the click of heels approaching. Your eyes were finally shutting as you heard a loud gasp and the drop of a bag. Then everything went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A faint beep noise met your ears as a wave of pain surged through your body. You lowly groaned and struggled to open your eyes; a bright light blinded you causing you groan a little louder. You heard a gasp and heels clicking over to where you were, the sound pained your ears.

You began to blink slowly as you took in your surroundings. Painfully white walls, two chairs and the sun setting beyond the other side of the window.

"Y/n, Y/n honey can you hear me?? Wilhemina go get the nurse."

"You are a nurse."

"Her nurse. Jesus Christ must you be so literal right now?"

"Fine I'll go."

You groaned once again before moving to cover your ears; a searing hot pain ran through your arm causing you to stop and whimper.

"You're being too loud." You rasped lowly as you fully opened your eyes and looked towards Mildred.

"Oh I'm sorry sweetheart. I'll talk softer for you. How are you feeling?" She asked pulling her chair next to the bed so she could sit with me.

"I'm fine. When can I go home?" You saw a wave sadness in her eyes as you questioned her.

"Are you sure you're okay? That was a really bad cut." She poked again. But she was weeks too late, you had already shut down and closed off your true feelings.

"Yes I'm fine. I just want to go home." You said in a huff while rolling your eyes.

She frowned at your sudden attitude but stayed quiet. Soon Wilhemina had walked back in the room with a nurse; she took her seat next to Mildred laying her hand on Mildreds knee whilst the other hand rested on the head of her cane. She hadn't spared you glance so you didn't dare look in her direction.

You let the nurse check you and answered all her questions as best as you could before taking some pain medication and sitting in silence. You all sat in silence before Wilhemina spoke up.

“So what was that?” She inquired quite harshly.

“What was what?” You shot back in a low voice. You had been slowly falling asleep due to your pain medication so you were basically on the edge of consciousness.

“Oh don’t play dumb. What’s your problem? What are you tired of living or something?” She interrogated further. Her voice was harsh and usually they would hurt but this time they didn’t.

“Wil, now’s not the time. Let her rest.” Mildred butted in trying to calm her down and also keep her from stressing you any further.

“I’m not living.. I’m surviving. I’m barely doing that correctly. Doesn’t seem like I do anything right anymore.” You said in a small voice. The room went silent.

A wave of sadness had over come you. Tears stung your eyes causing you to close then completely. You rolled over onto your side; back facing them as you finally let your feelings and sleep take over. You fell asleep curled into yourself with tears running down your face.

~~~~~~~~~~~

word count: 1687

[natrogersfics]

After All - Chapter 5/5

Cover art by @faith2nyc​ Read on AO3

Natasha’s always prided herself in being a master at regulating her emotions. Years of field experience as a journalist has allowed her to hone the skill of taking a step back, drawing in a deep breath, and powering through the job. For regardless of how she personally felt about the matter at hand or how much she despised the person she was interviewing, the objective was to report the unadulterated facts. Right now, though, as she stands in Isabel’s room watching as Loki finishes suturing Isabel’s brow while Steve – who had to step in her place as Loki injected the anesthetic – holds her still, it’s as if her training cannot meet the moment.

Motherhood has transformed her in many ways, but one of the most notable changes is that she’s become a constant worrier. Some days the worry is dull, manageable – propelled by something as simple as whether or not Isabel’s had enough water to drink for the day. Nevertheless, the feeling is always underlying. But there are moments where such is its intensity that breathing becomes arduous, and in spite of the fact that Isabel’s cries have since tapered, she finds that this is one of those times.

“Okay,” Loki says in that saccharine tone she only ever hears him use when addressing Isabel. “That’s a wrap on these pesky needles.” He leans forward, tapping Isabel on the nose and eliciting a tired smile from the little girl. “Good job, Miss Isabel. My best patient without question.”

“She’s going to be okay, right?” Steve asks before she can, and she notes how tight his voice sounds as Isabel turns in his arms and snuggles into the crook of his neck.

“Yes, she will be,” Loki says without a hint of reluctance as he nods at Steve before turning to where she’s standing by the door. “Her reflexes are fine, and she isn’t exhibiting any signs of a concussion. Battle wound notwithstanding, she’s alright.”

The sigh she lets out at Loki’s words is loaded with relief. But the sensation is fleeting, replaced quickly by surprise when she hears Steve speak again. “Thank you, Loki.”

Loki nods once more, a little smile on his face as he balls up the remaining gauze and sutures and throws it into the bin. “The little one should get some rest, so I’ll see myself out,” he says, rising from his seat with his kit in his hands. “I’ll check up on her again in the morning.”

“I’ll walk you out,” she says, stealing a glance to where Steve is rocking Isabel to sleep before stepping out into the hall.

The living room is empty as they make it out, and as she and Loki silently walk towards the direction of her foyer, she catches sight of the note on her dining table with T’Challa’s familiar handwriting. While she feels terribly about having ruined their Christmas Eve, a part of her is glad that she does not have to face them too right at this moment. She lets out a sigh for what seems to be the millionth time in the last hour, turning back to Loki just as they reach her front door.

“Quite an evening, huh?” Loki says, smirking.

In spite of his attempt at humor, she finds that she can only look down. “Loki…” she says. “I-”

“She’s going to be okay, Nat,” Loki says, placing a hand on her arm.

“No, I know.” She looks up at him to find his eyebrows knitted together in question. “I trust you,” she says in clarification. “I trust your assessment. What I meant to say is I’m sorry. I’m sorry for tonight and for how Steve acted when you were just trying to help. I don’t know what happened.” She shakes her head. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

Loki chuckles quietly, a soft smile forming on his lips when she only stares blankly at him in response. “Is this love, Miss Romanoff?” he asks. “Because it sure looks a lot like it.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she says, practically scoffing. Loki arches a brow at her, and she sighs. “If tonight's any indication-”

“If tonight's any indication, it’s that there’s obviously a lot that’s been left unsaid,” Loki finishes, shaking his head. “Natasha, my darling, forgive me if I sound like a broken record at this point. But you’re truly one of the brightest people I have had the pleasure of knowing, rivaling perhaps only my own mother for the top spot, so I know it’s only a matter of time.” He reaches to cup her face, running his thumb along her cheekbone. “Open your eyes and listen. For all our sakes.”

“Loki…” she whispers, holding his gaze.

With a smile, Loki leans down, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Merry Christmas, Nat.”

“Merry Christmas,” she repeats, mustering a smile as he turns and leaves.

As the door closes behind him, she pads back to the living room, making it as far as the couch until her legs feel too heavy to make it a step further. She sits down, putting her head in her hands as her shoulders sag with fatigue from the last few days. How a night that started out on such a high note devolved so quickly, she can’t begin to process. But if she knows one thing, it’s that she can’t take much more of this.

“Natasha.”

She looks up at the sound of her name to see Steve standing where the hallway and the living room meet. “Is she asleep?” 

“Yes,” he says, moving closer to her. “Nat-”

“Do you know that Izzie has trouble sleeping?” she interrupts, rising to her feet to see him stopped in his tracks. He blinks in surprise, and she nods. “Yeah, there are nights when she’s practically inconsolable… That is until I play her a video with the two of you.” She chuckles humorlessly. “At first I thought it was just a coincidence. And admittedly, there’s a tiny part of me that was wishing that maybe by the time I cave and reach for my phone, that she’s already tired herself out enough to go to sleep. But then I realized that she hasn’t had an episode since you arrived.” She sighs, looking him right in the eyes. “She’s your daughter. I know that. God, if I don’t see that in every little thing she does, every single day. And if there’s ever a time that I made you feel like that wasn’t the case, I am so deeply sorry. That was never my intention. But this?” She shakes her head. “I’m incredibly exhausted, Steve. And not just from tonight. All these years, all I’ve been doing is adjusting to what you want-”

“Excuse me?” he practically spits out, his eyes wide. “What I want?”

“Yes, what you want!” she volleys back bitterly. “You wanted a no-strings-attached arrangement, you got it. Wanted in on our daughter’s life? Check. You wanted to come here for Christmas? I said fine.” She straightens her shoulders, raising her chin. “So, tell me, Steve. What exactly is your problem this time? Because I want this to work, but I am at the end of my rope here.” She sighs, her voice falling to a whisper. “I have nothing left to give you.”

“Nothing left to give me,” he mouths the words, incredulous. “Natasha, all I’ve ever wanted was for you to give me a chance!”

She scoffs. “You’ve had several years’ worth of chances to take, Steve, and I’ve been waiting just as long for even the faintest sign that you wanted one!”

“How was I supposed to know that when all you do is walk away?” he challenges. His words bring her to a pause, and as she stands frozen in place, all she can do is blink. He sighs. “Natasha, I thought everything was going well until that morning in my apartment-”

“Don’t you dare!” she says, throwing her hands out in frustration as she cuts him off. “I woke up to find your ex-fiancée thanking you for selling her back the house you bought together. The very same house that you told me you saw yourself raising a family in. What did you want me to do? Wait around for you to break the news to me when it was clearly standing right at your front door?”

“I wanted you to let me explain!” he says. “Because if you did, then I would have told you that I didn’t sell the house back to Sharon because I didn’t love you and didn’t see a life with you. I did it because I did!” He pauses, sucking in a breath to compose himself. “I didn’t want us to start a life together in a place that I wanted for all the wrong reasons.” He shrugs, defeated. “But then you were serving me a custody agreement so fast my head spun, and then there you were taking the job here before I even had time to recover.”

“I asked you if I had a reason to stay,” she says quietly.

“You did,” he concedes with a nod. “And I should have been brave enough to tell you that you did.” He sighs. “But that doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Because you’ve moved on.”

Her eyebrows furrow. “Moved on?”

“Yeah, Nat,” he says. “And you’re damn good at it, too. All you keep doing is moving on, it seems. You’re over me, over us, over New York. And then you’re here, moving on with him-”

“Wait, what?” she interjects.

“Loki,” he says simply, exasperation seeping into his tone. “Look, I’m sorry about how I’ve been acting, but- are you laughing?” His head tilts to the side, and as her laughter escalates, he looks at her like she’s lost her mind. “You’re laughing right now?”

“That’s what this is about?” she says, nearly breathless. “That’s the reason you’ve been acting like a crazy person these last two days?”

“I…” he trails, his forehead wrinkling. “Nat, he has a key to your flat, he’s in your kitchen... He calls you darling.” He scoffs. “I mean, Izzie practically rushes into his arms every time she sees him! And I don’t know how far into your relationship you two are- I mean, I can assume, I suppose. But even if he hasn’t told you, as the world’s leading expert on what it’s like to be in love with you, I’m telling you right now that he is.” His eyes are full of sincerity as he looks at her. “You’re you, Nat. It’s outrageously hard not to love you. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

The fog clears, taking with it all the questions and the doubt that’s plagued her in the last couple of years almost instantly as she stares at him and takes in his words. “Okay,” she says, chuckling as she rubs the back of her neck. “Steve, I’m alone. A lot. Yes, I have Izzie. But after a while, there’s only so much you can talk to a toddler about.” She pauses, and he nods silently in agreement. “And quite frankly, between parenting and working, I don’t get around much, so I don’t have that many friends here. T’Challa? Nakia? They’re out of town, travelling for the paper, as they should be. I see Pepper, what? Once a month if we’re lucky?” She sighs. “Loki’s the only person I can talk to these days because he lives next door and works weird hours. Heck, the only reason we even started talking was because I saw that he liked the same wine and I found out that we agree that men can be the absolute worst-”

“Natasha, I get it,” he interrupts, shaking his head. “And I’m so glad you’ve had someone to talk to. That you’ve found a confidante-”

“Yeah…” she says, raising a brow. “Because it really gets rough out here when men only seem to break our” – she makes sure to emphasize the last word, watching his reaction carefully – “hearts.”

“Right, I know,” he says. “He put you back together when all I did was hurt you. And while I’m devastated to have missed out on the chance to be with you, because I am still, and have always been insanely in love with you, I really do get it. I do. Loki’s a great guy. He’s dreamy, and for crying out loud, he saves babies! And fig loves him. I know that. I’ve accepted it. And the accent…”

“For God’s sake, Rogers,” she mutters, crossing the distance between them. He’s still ranting when she makes it to him, cupping his face in her hands as she pulls him down to her. He groans in surprise when her lips meet his, but just as he begins to respond to her kiss, she pulls away. “Loki’s gay, Steve.” 

For a moment, he only stares at her, lust and confusion swirling in his blue orbs all at once. “Oh…” he says, blinking. His brows furrow as he parts his lips as if to say something, only to press them back into a line. “Oh.”

She bites back a smile. “Yeah… the guy he was seeing broke up with him around the same time Izzie and I moved here.”

“Well, that guy’s dumb…” he mumbles, cringing as he adds, “not unlike me.” His eyes are wide as he turns to her, his expression sheepish. “Why didn’t you just say so?”

“Because that’s not really my information to share,” she points out, to which he nods in concession. “Plus, how was I supposed to know that you wanted to be together too?”

“Too?” he clarifies. “So, I’m not too late?”

“Oh, my God,” she says indignantly. She steps closer to him once more, clutching the collar of his sweater in her hands as she looks right into his eyes. “I am still, and have always been, insanely in love with you too, you big oaf! I-”

Her words are cut off when he lowers his head to slant his lips over hers, his hands falling to her hips to pull her flush to him. Whereas their first kiss had been chaste, this one is hungry, needy – quickly growing teeth and making her head spin in no time at all when she tastes the combination of wine and something wholly and distinctly Steve. She snakes her arms around his neck, rising onto the tips of her toes to card her fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends. He moans her name longingly at that, and she smiles at the way his lips chase hers when she pulls away momentarily, a teasing comment already making its way to the tip of her tongue. But before she can say it, he bends at the knees, scooping her into his arms as he captures her lips in another searing kiss. Then like a practiced dance, she wraps her legs around his waist, letting him walk them down the hall and into her bedroom.

The second he walks in, she sets her feet down, placing her hands flat on his chest and pushing him towards the bed. He falls back onto it, a laugh escaping him as he bounces slightly, but it lasts but a second as she straddles his lap and her lips find his again.

“Natasha,” he says breathlessly between kisses, his hands covering hers as they find their way under his sweater. “Nat, wait-”

“It’s fine,” she says, guiding his hand up her arm and pressing down to let him feel where her implant is as she continues to kiss a trail down his jaw and to his neck. “I’m safe, and there hasn’t been anyone since you.”

The groan he lets out in response is almost pained, and she gasps in surprise when he flips them over, his pupils blown wide as he stares down at her. “Are you trying to kill me?”

“Me?” she asks, flummoxed. “You’re the one flying here, showing up in your stupid leather jacket and then parading around my flat without a shirt on!” Her eyes narrow. “Do you have any idea how many cold showers I’ve taken in the last few days?”

His mouth twists into an amused grin. “I told you, Izzie ruined my shirt,” he says, reaching up to brush the hair out of her eyes. “And for the record, there hasn’t been anyone since you, either.”

“Then what are we waiting for?” she asks, desperation slipping into her tone as she squirms underneath him. “Less talking, more stripping!”

He chuckles, and in spite of her patience waning, she finds herself grinning at the sound. “You, Natasha Romanoff, would test the patience of a saint.”

“Did you get canonized recently or something?” she asks, huffing out a breath when he rolls his eyes at her. “Don’t you think we’ve waited long enough?”

“I know, baby,” he whispers, leaning down to kiss her again. “And you have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” He shakes his head. “How much I want you.” Even as his eyes have grown dark and stormy, the pining in them is as clear as day, making the blood sing in her veins. “But I don’t want to rush this, Nat. I want to start over. I want-” He pauses, taking in a deep breath. “I need to get this right.”

“But it is right.” She moves to sit up, prompting him to sit back on his knees. “Steve, I thought that everything that happened between us was proof that we were a mistake, that everything I’ve been holding onto was a lie.” He looks down at his lap, his expression twisting as if he’s reliving the pain of the last couple of years all over again. “Hey, look at me,” she says, reaching over to hook a finger under his chin, tilting his head up. “I was wrong.” She shakes her head. “The last twenty-four hours notwithstanding, I haven’t been as happy as I’ve been these last few days in a long, long time. I won’t speak for you, but-”

“It’s the same for me,” he interrupts without a trace of hesitation in his voice, holding her gaze. “Exactly the same, Nat.”

She smiles. “Then if there’s something I know for sure now, it’s that you, me… fig. It’s right. It’s always been right.” She sighs, running her thumb over his jawline. “I love you, Steve. I want to be with you. So please, no more waiting. No more wasting time.”

It takes a beat, but then he’s surging forward to kiss her, pushing her onto her back once more as her arms wrap around his neck. “I love you,” he whispers against her lips. “I love you so damn much.”

“Then show me,” she says, smiling when with a groan, he pulls away and lets his hands trail to the hem of her blouse, pulling it up and off of her. She leans up on her elbows as he sits back again, letting her gaze trail hungrily down his chest and to the smooth planes of his stomach as he reaches behind him to rid himself of his sweater.

“See something you like?” he asks, smirking when he catches her staring.

She peers up at him from underneath her lashes. “More like something I need.”

“Good,” he says, causing the breath to get caught in her throat at the way his eyes flash. “So do I.”

He brings his lips back to hers, reaching behind her to undo the clasp of her bra, and she slides it off her arms when it comes loose around her before throwing it unceremoniously to the floor. Gently, he pushes her shoulder, guiding her back down as he peppers kisses down the column of her throat and lets his hands wander over her torso. He cups the swell of her breast, ghosting a thumb over her nipple, and she feels him smile against her skin at the gasp that slips from her lips.

“Steve.” She sighs his name brokenly when his mouth moves from her neck to her sternum, worshipping every inch of skin it finds in its trail. It’s when his lips hover past her navel, his fingers hooking into the waistband of her leggings that she places her hands over his, keeping them in place.

He moves back up her body to look her in the eyes. “Let me,” he says the same time she tells him he does not have to, and as she blinks up at him, chest heaving, he smiles softly. “Can I, Nat?”

There’s an undercurrent of desperation in the way he asks the question, as if he needs this – craves this – and despite how much she aches to feel him against her, to have his skin against hers, when she takes in the unadulterated desire in his eyes, she finds herself powerless to do anything but nod. She lets go of his hands, biting her lip in anticipation as he moves back down her body. Cool air skims over her newly exposed skin as he pulls her leggings down along with her panties, making her shiver as her heart picks up in her chest, and she gasps when he presses a kiss to the inside of her thigh, propping one of her legs over his shoulder.

“Steve,” she moans loudly – wantonly – into the darkness of the room when he licks up her center. Her head falls to the side, her hands scrambling for purchase on the duvet as a litany of curses slip from her lips, and that’s all he needs to hear to bring his hands to her waist, holding her still as he flicks his tongue against her bundle of nerves. The sensation that pulses through her is almost too much too fast, but her body craves it all the same, and she bites her lip to keep from laughing out. It’s pathetic that he has her teetering off the edge this quickly, this suddenly, but at the same time, she’s not surprised. He learned her body long ago, and she’s infinitely glad that in spite of the time that’s passed since they’ve last been together like this, he still knows it like the back of his hand. It’s when he pushes two fingers into her, curling them as they work in tandem with his tongue that she finally keens, her vision a white-hot blur as she calls out his name.

“Hi,” he whispers when she finally opens her eyes moments later, her heart still ringing in her ears. “You still with me?” His lips turn up in a boyish smile when she nods. “Good.”

He pulls away from her, and despite her first orgasm still coursing hotly through her veins, she whines at the loss of contact. “Steve.”

“I’m here, Nat,” he says, returning to bracket her body with his own after making short work of his pants. When she attempts to pull him down to her, he chuckles. “Remind me again where Izzie got her impatience from?”

“Want you,” she says, ignoring his quip and not caring one bit about how desperate her tone has gotten. “Want you now.” He smiles, but it’s quickly replaced by a groan when she reaches between them, wrapping a hand around his length.

“Fuck,” he all but growls, his eyes slamming shut as she begins to pump her hand up and then down. “Natasha.” 

“Please,” she says, her breath hot against his ear, and that’s all she has to say to make him shift his weight onto his forearms as she guides him to her entrance, hissing when he brushes up against her. A gasp falls from her lips, her toes curling into the sheets as he begins to sink into her, inch by inch, and it isn’t until he’s bottomed out that she realizes how much she’s missed this feeling – how much she’s missed him. He leans down, brushing her lips with his own, and making her crave the friction that much more. “Steve,” she calls out, digging her nails into his back. He looks down at her, his jaw clenched, and only then does it dawn on her that he’s stilled for her benefit. “It’s okay,” she promises as his eyes search hers for affirmation. She smiles. “Move, baby.”

With a nod, he begins to roll his hips, drawing out a mewl from her as his lips find her collarbone. She knows there’ll be marks tomorrow, but she can’t bring herself to care. The lazy snap of his hips coupled with the warmth of his mouth on her skin as he nips and teases is addictive, dizzying, and she wants more. She needs more. With that, she wraps her legs around his waist, pushing the heels of her feet into his lower back, encouraging him to go deeper, faster. He groans, the last of his restraint seemingly crumbling when he intertwines their fingers and pins their hands above her head, picking up the pace and making her gasp at the delicious shift in angle.

Pleasure curls in her gut in no time at all, coiling tightly, and it isn’t until he’s shushing her gently that she realizes her moans have grown louder. “I’ve got you,” he says, whispering the words and other sweet nothings into her lips again and again. “I’ve got you, Nat. With me, okay?”

She manages a nod, catching the smile that forms on his lips. And then he’s slipping a hand down between them, making her back bow off the mattress as he thumbs at her bundle of nerves. Her belly clenches as pleasure pulses rapidly through every synapse, every nerve, and though she could feel it coming, a surprised gasp still slips from her lips when her orgasm washes over her, stealing the air right out of her lungs. He kisses her as she tumbles over the edge, pushing into her once, twice, and then with a grunt, he goes still, following her right into the abyss.

Quiet settles over them, their labored breathing the only sound as they come down from their highs. Her body hasn’t completely stopped trembling when he pulls out of her, eliciting a whimper from her as he brushes against her still sensitive flesh, and he kisses her temple consolingly as he shifts onto his back and pulls her to him.

“I’m sorry,” he says later on when their breathing comes back to normal. She lifts her head off his chest to look at him, her eyebrows knitting when she finds his eyes filled with contrition. He sighs. “I’m sorry for not fighting for you… for us, sooner.”

“No,” she says, shaking her head. “We’ve both made mistakes.” She reaches up to push the hair out of his forehead. “I’m sorry for assuming… well, everything. And for not giving you a chance to explain.”

He takes her hand, bringing it up to his lips to kiss the inside of her wrist. “Any chance there’s still one in those years’ worth of chances that’s still up for grabs?”

She smiles. “I think so.”  

She’s warm. That’s the first thing that comes to Natasha’s mind when she stirs awake, her eyes blinking as they adjust to the pale morning light. But as her vision focuses, she realizes the warmth she’s feeling has less to do with the comforter she’s cocooned in and more with the arm draped over her waist. She turns to her other side to see Steve, his outrageously long lashes fanned out against his cheeks as he sleeps, and as memories of the last few hours come flooding back to her, she smiles.

It was past midnight when they finally found the wherewithal to clean the remnants of the feast she prepared, sharing a plate of leftovers and a few glasses of wine as they transferred the food into containers and loaded the dishwasher. They’d even gotten around to wrapping the last of Isabel’s Christmas presents, laying them neatly under the tree before finding themselves a tangled mess of limbs on her bed again, taking their sweet time this time around to get reacquainted with one another. After, they’d spent the rest of the night talking, laughing, and though they’d spent many nights like this in the past, this time felt significantly different. They still had so much to discuss, but with all their cards on the table, it’s as if their conversations – their plans – finally had a shot at permanence, a chance to become reality, and it would be a lie to say that the idea didn’t make her heart absolutely sing.  

“You’re staring.”

Steve’s voice interrupts her musing, and she chuckles when she looks to find his eyes already open. “Some people find that romantic, you know.”

“In movies, maybe,” he says through a yawn. “But in real life, it’s just creepy.” She glares at him, giving his chest a shove, and he grins sleepily as he pulls her in for a kiss. “Merry Christmas, Natasha Romanoff.”

“Merry Christmas,” she whispers back, beaming.

He brings a hand to her hip, rubbing circles into her skin with his thumb. “You okay?”

The question causes her to bite her lip, stifling a smirk. It’s not as if last night was their first time – one need not look further than their daughter sleeping down the hall for proof – and yet, it was such a Steve thing to ask. She smiles. “Never better.”

Had it been any other morning, she might have called him out on the smug smile that crosses his lips, but she decides that today, she’ll let him have it. “So, tell me,” he says. “At what point in the last six months did you become a morning person?”

“It’s cute that you think your daughter let me have a say in the matter,” she deadpans, reaching up to cup his face and letting out a contented sigh. “And I’m just happy.” 

“Yeah?” he asks, pulling her over him until she’s straddling his hips. “How happy?”

“I think…” she says, biting her lip as she leans down to whisper in his ear, “I’d rather show you than tell you.” He raises a curious brow at her as she pulls away, watching her carefully as she kisses her way down his neck, and she smiles when she feels his skin prickle under her lips.

“Hi!”

They both freeze at the greeting, sharing a wide-eyed stare with each other before turning to see Isabel watching them by the doorway, her stuffed Corgi in hand. “Oh, my God, Izzie,” she says, quickly grabbing her robe that’s dangling on the bedpost and wrapping it around herself. She hops off the bed, managing to throw Steve his boxers before she makes it to Isabel, bending down to pick her up. “How did you get out of your crib, babe?”

Isabel’s only response is to laugh, waving over her shoulder. “Hi, Dada!”

She turns just as Steve emerges from under the comforter. “Hi, fig.”

“You good over there?” she asks, biting back a smile.

He shoots her a withering look as she makes her way back to the bed. “Come here, you little escape artist,” he says, reaching for Isabel and making her giggle as he smothers her with kisses. “What did we say about climbing things?”

“Pwe-sents!” Isabel says, smiling widely.

He chuckles, turning to her just as she settles down next to him, leaning back against the headboard. “Do you want to have breakfast first?”

“No,” Isabel answers before she can get a word in, prompting them both to shake their head in amusement.

“In case you haven’t noticed, she’s kind of the boss around here” she says, smirking.

He laughs. “Presents it is.”

The floor of her living room is a sea of torn up wrapper and discarded ribbon, but as she brings her mug of hot chocolate to her lips, she finds that she couldn’t care less about the sprawling mess as she watches Steve help Isabel rip open her presents. For her part, she’s dutifully played photographer, cataloguing Isabel’s reaction to each gift – as requested by the competitive bunch of aunts, uncles, and grandparents all hellbent on one-upping each other.

“Last one, Iz,” Steve says, handing her a rectangular box.

“What is it?” she prompts excitedly as she puts her mug down to hold the camera back up, capturing the moment Isabel gets the last of the wrapper off and pulls the item out.

“Hat!” Isabel says, turning in Steve’s lap to show him.

“Close,” Steve says, nearly chuckling at the way Isabel’s brows furrow in dismay at his response. “It’s called a beanie. Though it’s just not any other beanie.” He looks her way as he adds, “It’s a beanie uncle Buck chose.”

The laugh slips freely from her lips. “Oh no!”

“Oh yes,” he confirms, his fingers feeling for something in the fabric. “Tada!”

“Wow!” Isabel exclaims, her big blue eyes filling with elation as the antlers on the Reindeer beanie light up, the array of colorful lights twinkling brightly. “Am-a-zing!”

“You hear that?” Steve asks, shooting her a smile. “It’s am-a-zing!” He turns to Isabel, pointing at the camera. “Say, thank you, Uncle Buck.”

“Thanks Buck!” Isabel says.

She chuckles as she cuts the video and rises to her feet. “I hope you still think it’s am-a-zing when she wants to go out in public with that thing,” she tells him in a sing-song voice as she opens up a trash bag and begins to collect the discarded wrapper.

“You mock the beanie now,” he says, standing when Isabel runs off to play with her new mountain of toys. “But when she runs off and the lights make her easy to spot, you might be singing a different tune.”

“The faith you have in our daughter keeping something on her head for more than five minutes is inspirational,” she says, turning to see him grab more wrapper off the floor. “Truly, it is.” She laughs as he rolls his eyes, slipping the bunch he has in his hand into the bag she’s holding as he comes to stand in front of her. “Is that everything?”

“As far as the wrapper’s concerned, yes,” he says, smiling as he produces a folded piece of paper from his back pocket. “But you still haven’t opened this.”

Her eyebrows furrow as she takes the paper from him. “Who’s this from?”

“Me,” he says simply.

“Steve.” His name falls from her lips like a chastisement, and she can only sigh when his response is to encourage her to open it. “Well, now I feel bad,” she says as her fingers work to unfold the paper. “I got you that gift from the aquarium to be funny and then you got me that book, and now…” Her words trail off as she opens the paper all the way, her eyes scanning over what’s scrawled out on it:

Will you go out on a date with me?

“I meant what I said about starting over,” he says when she looks up. “Or, at least, doing the parts we skipped.” His lips twist into a smile. “And I figured since contracts seem to be our thing, maybe you’d say yes if I asked you in writing.”

“You’re kidding, right?” she asks even as her lips turn up in amusement.

“I’m completely serious,” he says, shrugging at the incredulous stare she sends his way. “We could get dressed up, go to dinner and a movie…” He wiggles his eyebrows as he adds, “maybe even make out in the back of the theater.” She snorts at that last bit, and he smiles. “What do you say?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, okay?” she says, her expression growing serious. “But Steve, usually, a guy asks a girl out before she has his baby.”

When she smiles, he throws his head back, laughing. “Okay, well, usually a girl agrees to go out with a guy before she asks him to have a baby with her, so I guess we’re not really into chronology here.” He smirks as she narrows his eyes playfully at him. “Besides, your manufactured indignation would be a lot more convincing if you didn’t practically jump my bones last night.” 

She gasps at that, stealing a quick glance over at Isabel to make sure she’s not listening before looking back at him, lowering her voice. “Oh, fuck you.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, a glint in his eyes as he pulls her to him. “Is that not what you were doing last night?”

“Whatever,” she says, unable to keep a smile from forming on her lips. “Fine. Yes, I will go out on a date with you.” His eyes light up at that, and she holds a finger up. “But if you give me another note at the end asking me to go steady, I’m leaving.”

He beams. “Yes, ma’am.”                                                                                    

She rises to the tips of her toes, wrapping her arms around his neck as his mouth finds hers for what feels like the millionth time this morning. The taste of his lips mingled with the hot chocolate they were sipping on is a heavy combination, and she lets out a happy sigh into their kiss when his hands curl around her waist, his thumb brushing against the patch of skin left exposed between her shirt and her pajamas. She nips at his bottom lip, making him groan, and it’s only when they hear someone clearing their throat that they pull away and she moves to look behind Steve.

“Sorry,” Loki says from where he leans by the doorway of her living room, his arms crossed over his chest as he grins from ear to ear. “I only came to check on the little one. I swear I knocked, but um…” 

She bites her bottom lip just as Steve turns as well, but before she can say anything, Isabel is already up and running. “Yo-ki!”

“Well, hello there,” Loki says, picking Isabel up. “Someone’s chipper on this Christmas morning, I see. I’ve come to check on your stitches, which I tried to tell your Mum and Dad” – he turns back to them, smirking – “but they were busy.”

“Stitches, right,” she says a little too loudly, pointing towards the couch to hide her blush. “After you, Doc.” 

Loki asks them a few of routine questions about Isabel as he sets his medical kit down on the coffee table, and as she and Steve take turns answering them and sharing their observations, she realizes that it’s nice to know that someone else was quietly sharing her worries throughout the night, picking up on the little things she was finding as well. They go silent as Loki begins to examine Isabel, checking her reflexes and changing the bandage covering her stitches.

“Okay,” Loki says, finally breaking the tense silence that had fallen over them. “This sweetheart is free to play with all her Christmas goodies.” 

“Yeah?” she says. “Everything looks good?”

“Everything’s just splendid,” Loki says, turning to her and Steve as he helps Isabel off the couch. He drops the flashlight into his kit, zipping it up. “She’s not exhibiting any signs of a concussion and her stitches are healing up well and should dissolve on their own fairly soon.”

“Thank God,” Steve says, relief thick in his voice, and she finds herself nodding along to the sentiment.

“Thank you for coming to check on her,” she tells Loki, who only smiles in return. “I owe you one.”

“As do I,” Steve adds. “Any chance we could start the repayment with some breakfast?”

“I appreciate the offer, but actually the reason I came by early is because I’m on my way to my mother’s,” Loki says, smiling as he nods towards the both of them. “It’s nice to see you two have patched things up, though.”

“Yeah, about that,” Steve says. “Loki, I’m sorry for my behavior last night. There’s no excuse. I was an ass.”

“Oh, that’s quite alright,” Loki says, waving off his apology.

Steve shakes his head. “It’s not. I-”

“He thought you and I were together,” she blurts out suddenly, smiling when Steve’s eyes widen, a sheepish expression breaking out on his face. 

“Well, that explains a lot,” Loki says, grinning graciously as his gaze goes from her to Steve. “In any case, I’m flattered that you’d consider me a worthy adversary.”

She smirks. “He also thinks you’re dreamy.”

“Does he now?” Loki asks, clearly amused.

“And on that note,” Steve says, turning to glare at her. “I think I hear our daughter calling.”

She and Loki snicker as Steve, ears red, walks away. “You sure you can’t stay?” she asks. “It won’t even take ten minutes to get the waffles going.”

“I’m sorry, darling,” Loki says as they begin to make their way towards her front door. “I don’t want to hit traffic and you know my mother will kill me if I so much as have a bite before I come to her home.”

“Tell Frigga I said hello then,” she says as she opens the door, leaning against it.

“Oh, believe me, that’s not the only thing I’ll be telling her,” he says, smirking as he gestures to her collarbone. She looks down, and he laughs as she adjusts the collar of her shirt to hide the mark still there. “Long night, was it?” She shoots him a withering look as he leans down to kiss her cheek, cocking a brow up at her. “I fully expect a detailed play by play when I get back.”

She chuckles, shoving him away playfully. “Get out of here!”

Loki smiles. “I’m happy for you, Nat.”

“Thank you,” she says with a nod. “Merry Christmas.”

With a wink, Loki waves goodbye, and she waits for him to make it down the stairs before shutting the door. She walks back to the living room, stopping just by the threshold to see Steve carrying Isabel as they both peer out the window. She smiles. “What are you two goofs up to?” 

“Is ’nowing!” Isabel says, pointing out the window as Steve turns.

“Is it?” she asks as she pads to them, making a show of checking out the window. “It is! Maybe if there’s enough later, we can go outside and try to make Olaf.”

Steve’s brow rises in question. “Who’s Olaf?”

“Glad you asked,” she says at the same time Isabel utters snowman. Steve only stares blankly at them, making her laugh. “Don’t worry, you’ll get acquainted with him, Elsa, and Anna... Probably three times before this morning is over, if you’re lucky.”

“Still don’t know who those people are,” he says, pulling her in with his other hand until she’s pressed up against his side. “But I’ll gladly find out if you two introduce me.”

“What’s the saying again?” she muses, looking up teasingly at him. “Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it?”

He grins. “I think I may already have.”

The affection that fills his eyes is so remarkably perspicuous that she wonders how she’s missed it all these years, and as her lips turn up to mirror his smile, she makes a silent vow to never doubt its existence ever again. He leans down, but before his lips can meet hers, Isabel turns in his arms, effectively wedging herself between them.

“Mish-tow!” Isabel says, pointing above them.

They both laugh as they look up, and sure enough, the bundle of mistletoe she had put up yesterday looms above them. She smirks. “You know what that means, right?”

“I think I do,” he says, nodding knowingly as they both turn to Isabel, who’s watching them curiously.

“Fig sandwich!” they both yell as they lean in, pressing a kiss to Isabel’s cheeks and delighting in the way their daughter’s joyous laughter echoes throughout the room.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

[i-need-some-mint-tea]

Cherries and Chess

I decided to write Fan AU 2; Electric Boogaloo 

Words: 1704

Tags: @imma-potatoo @red-imeanblue

Pairings: Loceit, but they’re both gay idiots despite being so smart

~~

(Logan’s perspective)

It had been a week since I had first joined Janus on the ceiling fan. In that time, we had established a routine. I’d usually get up first, eat some cherries that I stick to the ceiling, replace them, talk with Janus, Patton would hand us some food with some help from Roman (Patton got on his shoulders so he could reach us), Virgil would get a snack, talk with Janus, do some other activity, talk with Janus until it was dark outside, then sleep. Rinse and repeat. I had to admit, it was quite nice. Most surprisingly, talking with Janus wasn’t as draining as talking with the others. That was most fortunate because he was the only person who was constantly with me.

The sound of footsteps brought me back to reality slightly, by the pattern of them, I knew it was Patton bringing us breakfast. I saw him walk into the kitchen, “Heya, kiddos!”

He said cheerfully. “Good morning, Patton,” I heard Janus say. I heard the fridge open, but I paid no mind, I was too absorbed in my thoughts to care. I heard Patton take a deep breath in. I knew what was going to happen, I covered my ears. “ROMAN!” Patton yelled, immediately summoning the side in question.

“Yes, padrè?” Roman questioned, then saw where he was summoned to. “You do know, Patton, that you could just do this,” Roman waved his hand dramatically and a pulley system materialized right next to me. “You can use this pulley to bring them food. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to finish my morning routine. A prince must look his best!” With that, Roman sunk out.

“Thanks, kiddo!” Patton called after him. The three of us sat in silence, the sizzle of bacon Patton was making the only sound. That peacefulness was quick to end as Remus came barreling into the kitchen.

“Hey, nerds!” He called out to who I presumed to be Janus and I. The both of us looked down at him. “Throw the cherries down at me, I want to see how many I can catch in my mouth!” He said as he grinned maniacally.

“I suppose that would be interesting.” I tilted my head, “That’d be a good experiment. How many cherries can one catch if they’re thrown off of a rotating object?” I asked aloud.

“Let’s find out, shall we?” Janus said, and before I could answer, he plucked a cherry from the bag sitting next to me and threw it down at Remus. I saw Remus’s eyes light up as he dove for the cherry like the only thing that mattered was catching it. To my surprise, he did catch it. Never underestimate Remus, I guess.

We threw 7 more cherries down at Remus before Patton said, “Well I do think this is fun, maybe you should turn the fan off, it could be a haza-“ I cut him off, “It’s for science, Patton!” I said with a grin on my face.

“I’ve seen you smile a lot more ever since you got on that ceiling fan, kiddo.” Paton smiled, “I guess I’ll let it slide.” Wait. I’ve been smiling more?

“Patton, what do you mean I’ve been smiling more?” I asked as I tossed another cherry down to Remus. He caught that one as well, that’s 27 he’s caught.

I saw Patton scrunch his nose and looked a bit confused, like that was something I should’ve known, “Yeah, Logan. You seem happier.” He suddenly looked mischievous, “Any reason for that?” He asked innocently.

I was even more perplexed. Happier? Reason? How could I supply a reason if I hadn’t even known I was happier? I’ll deal with that later, I guess.

“Care- care to elaborate?” I asked. Patton then looked like he’d uncovered a secret, and his eyes lit up. “Oh, never mind.” He said happily.

I turned to Janus to see if he was listening to see if he could explain what Patton meant, but he was caught up in throwing cherries down at Remus. Finally, a cherry hit Remus in the eye. “How many was that?” I asked excitedly.

As he caught my eye, Janus said, “47. 47 cherries.” Wow, impressive. I looked to Remus, who had picked the cherry off the ground and ate it. I could hear an audible, exaggerated gag from Janus as he watched Remus. I let out a breath of laughter.

“Hey, Janus?” I asked. “Yes, my dear nerd?” He replied, looking at me. I froze for a second when he called me that. Why do I always do that? “Would you- would you want to play chess?” I asked, tripping over my words a bit. I saw Janus nod, seemingly eager to play.

~~

After many hours and 10 games, I said once more, “Checkmate.” Janus looked at me seemingly both bewildered and in awe.

“I have to say, you are very good at chess, Logan,” he said to me. I smiled a bit as my chest swelled with pride, “Thank you, Janus. You are a formidable opponent.” We both had worn ourselves out from so much chess. I had won 6 times, Janus 5 times. This was my seventh win.

It was only 5:00 in the afternoon, yet I was exhausted. As I laid down, I immediately went to sleep.

~~~

(Janus’s perspective)

Logan won again. I looked at him, “I have to say, you are very good at chess, Logan.” I shouldn’t be as surprised as I was, Logan was incredibly smart. That was one of the things I admired about him. Logan met my gaze with a slight smile, “Thank you, Janus. You are a formidable opponent,” he said to me. I smiled, I loved being complimented, especially by him.

I saw Logan yawn and laid down on the fan, with his glasses still on, might I add. Not once had he taken them off. If he always had before this, I didn’t notice. Then again I usually went to sleep before him. If he had his glasses on, he may break them or they may fall off the fan. I reached over and gently pulled off his glasses. Then I made the mistake of looking at his face after I pulled his glasses off.

Holy shit.

I felt a fluttering in my chest as I looked at him. “How the hell is your face so pretty.” I muttered. How dare he make me feel like this. Ew. I hate feelings, they’re so unpredictable and I don’t like it. Yet a small part of me didn’t exactly mind.

I set his glasses down next to him. I put my face in my hands and quietly groaned. I don’t know exactly why I reacted like that when I took off his glasses. Though, at the back of my mind, a possibility of why made itself clear. I ignored it. Nope, nope, not dealing with that today, nope.

I suddenly felt really tired, must’ve been from doing chess so much. I grabbed one of the blankets Patton gave us, laid down, and tried to go to sleep. Luckily, I did so in seconds.

~~~

I woke up for the sixth time, and I checked what hour it was. 5:27 AM was displayed clearly on the clock. I sighed, it’s close to morning, why not stay up? I summoned a cup of lavender tea, my favorite type. I looked out the window into the mindscape, and saw some stars still left in the sky. Maybe I'll look at the stars and watch the sunrise as I wait for my dear nerd to wake up. I wrote a quick note to Logan if he woke up before I got back stating where I was going. I placed the note on the fan, weighed down by the chess board from last night so it wouldn’t fly off the fan.

I hopped off of the fan, and was unpleasantly surprised when I found that my legs were a bit weak. Must be from not moving the past week.

As soon as I got outside onto the roof from the attic window, I felt a warm breeze on my face. Oh, that’s right, it’s spring. I climbed on the roof until I got to a comfortable spot. I looked out over the silent early morning world.

There was a heavily forested area to my right, with trees dotting the landscape everywhere else. There were patches of flowers everywhere, and I saw the grass move with the wind. Just to the left of my, there was a hill with a big oak tree with a tire swing and it too, was blowing in the wind.

I took a deep breath and drank in the scent of everything. I took off my hat, I liked feeling the wind in my hair. I set my hat next to me and looked up at the stars. There were so many stars, I could never count them all. Just then, I saw the sun peek out from over the hill. It bathed the world in early morning sunlight, making the dewdrops on the grass glisten.

I closed my eyes and just listened to the sound of the wind blowing through the trees and grass, as well as the chirps of the birds. I let out a sigh of contentment and hummed a bit.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” I hear a familiar voice say. I opened my eyes and saw Logan approaching me on the roof. “It truly is,” I said quietly as he sat beside me. We sat in comfortable silence while watching the sun rise. I had closed my eyes again when Logan spoke, “Janus?” He said softly, as if any louder and he’d disturb the morning world. “Yes?” I asked, not opening my eyes.

“I wanted to thank you for taking off my glasses the other night. I tend to shift in my sleep, so if you hadn’t done that, I surely would’ve broken them,” he said softly. “It’s no big deal,” I replied as the image of what he looked like without the glasses flashed through my mind. The fluttering feeling returned, but I paid it no mind.

We spoke no more as I opened my eyes and together we watched the sun rise.

~~

Hope y’all liked it! I’m having so much fun writing this!

[stardustskz]

Smile, For it Suits You

Title: Smile, for it suits you

Word count: 3.1k

Genre: best friends au, fluff, holiday au

Warnings: alcohol, drinking, sickness, typo errors (lmk of there are more)

Member: jeongin

Description: the four times Yang Jeongin ruined your new year’s and the one time you ruined his’

Notes: dedicated to @jeonginks for @districtninewriters ‘s winter exchange fic. first of all, i’m so sorry for it’s late. i was wondering on whether posting it on new year’s eve or on the morning of january 1st but thought of doing the latter. happy holidays eiko! i hope you had a blast holiday and i hope that you’ll like this one, i tried putting as much into it! 

ps. i forgot if there are any word count limit, i’m so sorry if there are

pps. i’m so b=nervous posting this idk why

i.

There’s this superstitious belief that has been going on every January 1st and you neither disagree or agree with it. Okay, scratch that… you are sensitive about it. Ever since your grandmother told your eight year old mind about it, you always made sure to make your first days of every year perfect. 

The following year, you were cautious of your entire January 1st as your parents took you out to the local theme park to celebrate the new year. The day went well with the self reminders that your young mind whispers every time you were about to lose your composure due to the small things that irk you. You went to every extreme ride that you like– perks of having the height to fool the staff for your age. You even won plushies multiple times from the crane machine and the huge human-sized bear that your father got you as a prize in that one fishing game. 

Night time was fast approaching when you decided to have an ice cream without your parents' assistance. Because you were in the age of bragging about how independent you've become seeing to it that you’ll be adding a number to your age in the following months. It was successful! You bought your chocolate coated vanilla ice cream after telling the vendor to have a happy new year. You’re on your way back to where your parents sat on a bench when you saw a boy running fast towards your direction. Your first instinct was to move away from his pathway but it seems that your mind and body forgot how to process your intentions as you fell on your butt, causing your ice cream to fall on the ground as well as stain the lower part of your favorite jacket.  

"Hey!" you called out to the boy who was now about a meter away from you. Your calm and optimism for that day gone. Because he didn’t even apologize or bother to stop from his tracks. 

The boy came to a halt from his frantic running, turned around, and yelled back,

"I'm sorry! But I'm really in a hurry!" he then looked at you apologetically then continued running to god knows where. And oh boy, you were so annoyed as he turned out to be Yang Jeongin from your class. Your everyone-loves-and-adores-him classmate. Everyone falls for his stupid cheeky smile and almost everyone in your class has a huge crush on him. Which is you think, stupid, you were all in fourth grade, how does one know who to like? After that incident your day went sliding downwards, from getting scolded by your parents for ruining your white shirt to losing your favorite hanky from riding the Vikings and you only have one person to blame and it was and still is, Yang Jeongin.

ii.

Quite opposite from your dislike towards Yang Jeongin, you gained the ‘honor’ to be his best friend during 7th grade. It just… happened. When Han Jisung decided to be a dear who made you audition, forcefully, for your school’s theatre club, it so happened that Jeongin was a part of it too. 

Now, during your junior year in high school, you were currently in one of your senior Minho’s parties before the new year. You were in the middle of talking to Jisung and Jeongin when you felt your surroundings started to spin, 

"Hey, I'll just use the bathroom for a bit" you said, excusing yourself from all the talking. You don’t have a clue why you’re feeling nauseous when you only had a cup or two of what seems to be a soda, well, it tastes like it.

"You okay?" Jeongin asked, his tone laced with concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine" you replied, starting your way to where the comfort room was. It was when you started throwing out all the contents of your stomach when you felt a hand on your back, patting it in a calming manner while their other hand puts away the stray strands of your hair from your face. 

"Is this what you call fine? I thought you won’t drink tonight?" he jokingly said, chuckling a bit by your earlier tough act.

"Well, yeah I also thought I wouldn’t." you rolled your eyes at him through the mirror by the sink after you gargled with water. Maybe it wasn’t just a soda after all. You glanced at the door, furrowing your brows when you noticed that it was closed. 

"You closed the door?" you asked him.

"Yeah? I did?" he said innocently.

"There's a reason I left it open dumbass" you said, trying to call out for help but of course people wouldn't hear you due to the loud, obnoxious music blasting by the speakers in the living room, you even heard people shouting. 

"Oh… I didn't see the sign?" Jeongin said, a bit unsure of himself. Truthfully, he doesn't remember seeing it but he may have forgotten that Jisung told him something about not closing a door because the lock was not working well. Maybe this is the door he was talking about. Jeongin pondered.

It was dreadfully silent, but it was a comfortable one, with you frustrated of how the fuck are you both gonna get out before the countdown. You left your purse with Jisung containing both your phones. There’s no way you’ll be able to get out unless Jisung remembers the absence of your presence and he probably won’t do that until after the countdown. Because Jisung tends to get overly excited about fireworks that he’ll forget that you and Jeongin aren’t back yet.

"5 minutes until the countdown, are we really spending our new year here?" you asked, a bit sad to miss the fireworks display and spend your first minutes of the new year inside a bathroom. What a way to start the year.

"I’m sorry, we’re stuck here" Jeongin said, cautious of whether you’re mad or not. You went closer to where Jeongin sat inside the bathtub, planning to sit beside him.

“I’m not mad, just… annoyed?” You said, sitting beside him and laying your head on his shoulder, maybe it was the alcohol or how comfortable you were around your best friend but you soon drifted to a deep slumber after hearing the fireworks explode outside, remembering to greet Jeongin a “Happy New Year, Jeongin” before completely shutting down.

And if Jisung said something about you getting locked last year in Minho's bathroom and only managing to get out the following year, as if it’s a good joke, you definitely punched him for it.

iii.

The news of Jeongin and his family moving to your neighborhood the following year surprised you. Of course you were ecstatic about it, even more when you saw their moving truck beside your house. You were about to be neighbors! Ever since then, you’ve been spending most of your time with Jeongin, more than what you both used to, your moms also got a lot closer. Which is why they decided to celebrate New Year’s Eve with both families. 

A few hours before the countdown, you decided to hide away in your room, deciding to sleep before the clock strikes 12 because you sure are exhausted by all the preparations. You were lying in your bed with your feet dangling at the bottom, the happenings from earlier that day flashing in your mind. You heard the door to your room opened but you didn’t even bother to look at who it is. 

“Everyone’s looking for you” Jeongin’s familiar voice said. He went closer to your figure only to see that you have your eyes closed, he thought that you’re already asleep,

“I’m tired, let me sleep for a while.” you said, eyes still closed. You tapped the space beside you signaling for him to sit there if he wants. However, Jeongin chose to lie down beside you. And you never opposed it. 

“Wake me up before the countdown.” you said, tiredness completely settling in your system, the hazy figures in your mind beginning to be more vivid as your dream completely took over your consciousness.

Jeongin rolled his eyes at your command, but he will anyway. Turning on his side, his sharp looking gaze softened as his eyes landed on you. He carefully watched how your eyes are now closed, with your lashes curled adorably. You look like an angel whenever you’re sleeping. You were never this peaceful looking when you’re awake because you're the type to furrow your brows more than smile on a daily basis. But right now, your brows are not furrowed even in the slightest bit and the corners of your lips are lightly pointing upwards, a sign that maybe, you’re having a good dream. It continued like this when Jeongin realized that he’s also falling asleep, and even falling harder, as he kissed the night with a goodbye as well.

You both completely missed the countdown but it wasn’t like you were mad about it. When you woke up the next morning, with your best friend still beside you, you figured it was a shame to not witness the fireworks display for two years in a row but you had a great time with finally sleeping for more than eight hours. 

Despite that, yes, you still blame Jeongin.

iv.

It was the first time that you’ll be spending your new year in a different place than your own home. You were already in your third year in college and your group of friends decided to spend your new year at a vacation house near the provinces of your country. Of course, your parents only allowed you to go if Jeongin would be there and thank god you both are in the same circle of friends. 

The original plan was to go together as a group and ride Chan’s van all throughout your three day escapade. However, you have to attend a family gathering in the morning of December 31st, which was the reason why you were left with Jeongin and his truck. You had everything prepared, from the music for the road trip to the snacks that you two bought from your shopping two days prior. And the only thing left is the long journey. Your friends already arrived at the destination by the time you and Jeongin left your place. You were both jamming to different genres of songs, with you feeding Jeongin a chip or two from time to time,

“You can sleep, you know, we still have a long way.” Jeongin said, glancing at you as you yawn from the passenger’s seat. 

“No, no. I can’t leave you for yourself. You can also get sleepy anytime soon.” You said, cautious of possible incidents that may occur. 

“Suit yourself y/n” He said, as you blasted an even livelier song on his radio. 

You were both listening to ‘Wannabe’ with Jeongin doing the shoulder dance and his eyes almost disappearing due to all the smiling and singing when the car slowed down in a not so good manner, as you think.

“What’s happening?” you asked him, maybe panicking for a bit because you were both currently in the middle of nowhere and the sun was already setting. 

“I don’t exactly know,” Jeongin said, his bright smile no longer visible as he stared down on the steering wheel, wondering what the fuck is wrong with his truck. 

“It won’t start.” he said, after a few attempts of once again turning on the car’s engine.

“I should go find help somewhere nearby.” you said, because clearly, your phone’s signal isn’t working as well. 

“No, we should go together, it’s dangerous,” he said preparing to get off the car as well

“Help me push the car to the side of the road first.” he added, then you both worked on it. 

After grabbing all your important belongings, you both started walking forward, continuing the path of the road in hopes of seeing a gas station or an apparel or something.

“I feel like I brought upon misfortune with you whenever we celebrate the new year together.” Jeongin said, probably blaming himself for what just happened.

“It’s not like we can control everything that’s happening around us.” you replied, looking at Jeongin’s sullen expression. 

“Hey! Don’t frown, you look like someone who’ll eat me up alive” you told him. Well, he’s not particularly frowning but Jeongin’s scary whenever he’s not smiling. You noticed the sky slowly get dark and you managed to get sight of something bright at the road ahead.

“Still, I’m sorry this happened, y/n.” he said, coming to a stop only to lock his gaze on yours to sincerely apologize. 

“Stop apologizing dumbass, look I can see something ahead.” you said, mirroring his gaze and smiling as brightly as you can. Jeongin has been your support ever since you two have been attached to the hip. His bright personality is so much of a contrast to your snarly, hostile and strong attitude. And he brightens up your day almost everyday even though he can also annoy the hell out of you. But still, you can’t bring yourself to hate or get mad at him. Because a single smile from Jeongin, all your irritations and annoyance will surely melt away. It just does. The moment Jeongin smiled at you, with his cheeky grin that managed to show his dimples, as a reply, and nodded in agreement and determination, to walk towards where you were pointing out, all your worries for that night went away. Together with your belief that all new years are supposed to be spent in a perfect manner. Because this time, although you spent your new year by the parking lot of the gas station that you both found, you don’t blame Jeongin for all the things that went wrong in that specific year. And at the very least, you get to spend it with the person you cherish the most.

v.

“Why did you decide to spend your January 1st with me dumbass” you asked him, as you opened the door to your dorm, thanking your roommate who went home for the holidays. 

“Well, my also, ‘dumbass’ best friend stayed at the dorms for the holidays and worked themselves up because of finals and now they can’t go home due to a very high fever.” he rambled. You finally let him in because you can already feel your limbs giving up on you. 

“Look! You can’t even stand up on your own!” Jeongin scolded, wrapping his arm around you while he escorted you back to your bedroom. He managed to tuck you in your bed and placed a cooling pad on your forehead before he quickly left for the kitchen, without saying a word. Minutes later, he came back with a bowl of porridge in between his hands.

“You can cook?” you teased.

“Eat.” he said, his expression was serious so you had no choice than to immediately oblige on his command, yes, he was mad and you are kinda scared of this type of Jeongin. You quickly finished it and took the medicine that he gave.

“Do you not have any other plans today?” you asked him, your voice almost a whisper.

“Someone ruined my original plans for me.” he said with his tone a bit more harsh than usual. 

“If that someone was me then I don’t need you here.” you said, irritated by his tone, you turned around to face the other side of your bed in order to avoid seeing him. Jeongin must have figured out that you’re mad at him, due to the change of your tone. He took a deep sigh,

“It’s not like that,” he started.

“I already warned you a week ago about overworking yourself and look where it brought you!” he said, his voice now more calm than before,

“And check your phone please.” he added. Your phone? You haven’t checked your phone since last night due to this stupid fever and apparently- Oh. There are multiple calls and texts from him. 

“I asked auntie regarding your whereabouts and I knew from her that you’re down with fever because I thought you went home yesterday morning, to make it in time for new year’s eve.” Jeongin said, you turned around again with your guilt forming because you forgot to tell him.

“I was worried, y/n. I prepared something for you last night, we were supposed to-” you cut him off,

“I’m sorry, I forgot to tell you,” you said, trying to find his gaze,

“Are you mad?” you asked, taking his hand that was resting on his sides.

“N-no, I’m not. I just-” he took another sigh, “I was just so worried, we can continue whatever road trip I prepared for us anytime this year just please don’t disappear on me again.” he said, more like, begged as he held your hand between his’. 

“Okay,” you said, reaching out to ruffle his hair.

“I won’t do it again, now please smile?” you asked, hoping for him to please just smile again.

Because did he just see you act cute in front of him? Apparently, yes.

“Oh my god okay!” he said and laughed out loud.

“Don’t do that again, this is why I’m the cute one between us!” he said, holding his abdomen for his dear life from laughing too much. You frowned. But this is better. 

“I’m sorry for ruining your first day of the year.” you said, because he wouldn’t be able to go out as he chose to take care of you.

“It’s fine, I intended to spend it with you in the first place” he said, still recovering from the good laugh that he just experienced.

“Wait, so you’re supposed to take me to star gazing?!” you asked, your eyes widening in surprise.

“Yeah? I’m sure my truck won’t fail me this time but you did.” he said, you’ve been bothering him about this request of yours since last year due to his car ruining new year for the both of you. 

“Hey! You already forgave me for that!” Jeongin only laughed and told you to go rest and sleep already. At first, you refused to, but you remembered that you’re still down with a fever and your body gave up on you already. But that day, you fell asleep with a smile on your face. All these time, from the previous years that you had until now, you were searching for perfection for all your first days of the year. However what or rather, who you really need is someone that would stay with you no matter how much misfortune you get. And gladly, you have a dumbass of a best friend for that. 

[micahscowgirl]

Bite Me ~ Chapter 5

Micah Bell x f!reader

Rating: Explicit (18+)

Warnings: Cussing, Biting, Choking, Sex Dream

Word Count : 2880

Back to writing again!!

Chapter 5

Micah was laying behind you on your cot, fingers running up your thigh, over your hips and to your side. You could feel his moustache graze against your bare shoulder.

“What do you want?” he asks.

“I want you, Mr. Bell. I’ve been craving you, needing you. Please don’t make me wait any longer.”

Your can feel a smile form on his face as his lips push against your shoulder. His hands move back down to your hips, squeezing them while pushing your ass against his crotch. You can feel that his bulge through his pants as he grinds you against him.

“Y/N?” someone calls. It was not Micah.

You become alert, trying to look around but realizing you can’t. Your name is called again, this time louder.

You wake up, the morning sun making your tent glow around you.

“Y/N? You awake in there?” Arthur calls from outside your tent.

You are startled, sitting up in your cot. You are still shirtless from the night before, wearing nothing but your underwear. You pull your blanket up quick, hiding yourself from the empty tent. “Uh, yes, well, now I am. Don’t come in!” You say too loud. You shake your head, trying to clear it of sleep. You lower your voice to a better tone. “I’m not dressed!”

“Alright. Head over to Dutch’s tent when you’re done.” You can hear him walk away.

You pull your legs out of bed and sit on the edge of your cot. “What is wrong with you?” you mumble to yourself. “Micah you son of a bitch, what kind of hold do you have on me?” You try to be upset, but your mind still spins around the dream you were having, replaying it over and over again. Why is it that the best dreams always happen when you’re about to wake up?

You get out of bed and get dressed. After putting on your gun belt and pulling on your boots, you tie the tent flap up and head to see Arthur and Dutch. It’s still early morning, the sun is sending rays through the trees.

“Y/N!” Dutch says in his ‘I have a task for you’ voice. “Sorry to have woken you up like this, but there’s something that we need you to do this morning!”

“Of course, what’s up?” You ask cheerfully, even though you’re a little sour about being woke up.

“There was a man out of Strawberry that was going to pay us for some information on a train that was going to be passing through tomorrow. As you know, Arthur and Micah had a rather unfortunate event take place there the last time they visited, and I was wondering if you could make the trip for us. We were going to send John, but he has brought another lead to our attention that he is going to help us with. Do you feel comfortable heading to Strawberry on your own?”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll just need a little time to get ready for the ride, but I can do that, no problem.” You say, joyful of the idea to have a day to yourself.

“Then it’s settled!” Dutch stands from his cot to fetch the papers you’ll be bringing with you.

“Be careful out there,” Arthur says to you. “I know you know what you’re doing, but that’s a long trip to take by yourself.”

“I’ll be fine, I’ll tuck my hair in my hat so I don’t scream ‘female’ to the wrong people.” You shoot him a wink. “What are you and John going to be doing?”

“Sheep herding.” He shakes his head.

You can’t help but let out a chuckle. “Are you serious?”

He nods as Dutch returns with the papers. You say your goodbyes and good lucks then head to your tent. You want to get ready for the journey ahead.

You enter your tent and jump, startled. “Micah, what the hell are you doing?” He is sitting on your cot.

“I was waiting for you. I heard Dutch talking about sending you back to Strawberry.” He stands up. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? When I was arrested, they knew you were with me, you just got away before they caught you.”

“I’m not worried about the law, Micah. That was over a week ago, they aren’t gonna be looking for me anymore.” You push past him to get to the chest on the floor. You dig around for some extra bullets and your jacket while he continues.

“It’s still risky sending you, there are creeps out there, O’Driscols, Pinkertons, you name it.”

After putting on your coat, you tie your hair up to tuck under your hat. “Never knew you’d be someone to care.” You sarcastically pout your lip at him. “You were so mean to me last night.” You catch him completely off guard by pushing yourself up against him and wrapping your arms around his neck in a flimsy hug. “But still, I promise I’ll be careful.” You leave a quick kiss on his cheek, and then one on his neck, finishing off with a small bite. You pull away from him and as you’re walking out you turn to him once more. The shock on his face after seeming genuinely worried made you smile. “That’s just a little something for you to think about.”

~~~~~~

You had been traveling for a few hours when you start to get close to Strawberry. You’re glad that you wore your coat, because the further you got from camp, the foggier and mistier if got. The sun disappeared about 45 minutes after you left, and it got colder almost instantly.

A few turns away from Strawberry, you saw a small camp hidden off in the woods. One of the men was on his horse and once you got closer, you recognized him as an O’Driscol. Keeping your attention to the road, you hope to appear just a simple traveler. You pass them with no issues and continue into town.

Stopping your horse in front of the general store, you hop off and tie up the lead. You make your way across town and towards the house Dutch marked on the map he gave you with the papers. There aren’t many people out today due to the weather. Once you arrive at the house, you put the map away and walk up the stairs and to the door. You only get to knock once before the door is pulled open. There is a man standing in the entrance.

It startles you, but you compose yourself instantly and ask, “Is a—” you glance at the papers for a second. “—Mr. John Peters available?”

“That would be me,” He tells you. “And you are?”

“Mr. O’Malley sent me.” You say using Dutch’s alias.

“Oh, my apologies.” He says as he gestures you into the house.

After he glances through the papers and determines he has what he needs, he excuses himself, retuning in a minute with a small bundle of cash. You count it—50 dollars, the specified amount—and give him your thanks and farewells.

After leaving his house, you return to the general store. You buy a couple carrots for your horse, and some crackers for yourself. You’re dreading the journey back and decide to spend the night in Strawberry.

~~~~~~

After you buy a beer, you head to your room. It was still early in the day, 3 according to your pocket watch, but you still feel exhausted. You decide to pay for a bath and start winding down for the day. You hang your coat on the rack in the room but keep your bag with you. Last thing you want is to lose the money you were just paid.

The bath water was so refreshing, the warmth against your skin was a luxury. Although the door was locked, you couldn’t help but tense up every time you heard footsteps pass the door. Something about bathing always made you feel vulnerable, not having your guns let alone clothes.

After the few passerby’s were gone, you leaned your head back against the tub. Your mind starts to wonder back to your dream, and you let it. You start to imagine what would have happened if you weren’t woken up. Micah’s hand would’ve moved from your hips, to your thighs, and then to the front of your panties. He uses the perfect amount of pressure to rub you through the thin fabric. His other arm reaches underneath you to grab your breast and tease your nipple.

Then something in the hotel banged and you jumped from your thoughts. It sounded like something fell over on the other side of the wall. You sigh, not thinking much of it until you realize that’s your room. You quickly finish your bath, dry off and get dressed.

With your gun in hand, you peek out of the doorway, there’s no one in the hall, so you make your way to your room. You push the door open quick and point your gun. There’s no one there, and you don’t see anything out of order.

You make sure to check everywhere; under the bed, behind the furniture, any where someone could be hiding. You start to let your guard down when you notice your coat on the bed. You clearly remember hanging it up. You grab it without question and leave quickly.

Your horse is still in front of the general store so you hurry over and mount, kicking your feet to get out of town as fast as you can.

You come to the place where the O’Driscols were camped and notice that they had packed up in the time that you were in town. Your heart is racing, there’s no way it could’ve been them. The O’Driscols don’t know who you are. It isn’t long down the road when you have to pull your horse to a halt. On each side of the road stands an O’Driscol. You begin to turn around when two more come out of the trees on horses. You can’t take all of them, so you raise your hands in the air.

“I have no business with you, men.” You say. “I am just traveling through.”

One of the men dismounts and walks your way. “Well, well. It is her.” He says to the others, ignoring what you said. “This is the one that got away that night I got arrested.”

You recognize him then; he was one of the men Micah was playing cards with that night in Strawberry. There always seems to be a loose end somewhere.

He coaxes you off your horse and ties your hands behind your back. You feel humiliated and scared. There’s no telling what they’re going to do to you. After getting you on the back of his horse, he mounts, and they ride off. You feel tears begin to fill your eyes. What have you gotten yourself into?

~~~~~~

It was dark now; they had set up camp leaving you tied to a tree. You weren’t close enough to the fire to feel any warmth, so you sat there shivering helplessly.

The men were drinking to the point of not being able to walk in a straight line and they were singing terribly. One of them finally acknowledges you.

“So, what are we going to do with that one?” He turns and looks at you.

“I say we kill her; we haven’t had the pleasure of torturing anyone in awhile now.” He laughs drunkenly.

“No.” The one who recognized you finally speaks. “She’s mine.” He stands and walks towards you. He must not have been drinking like the rest of them, which scared you more than if he had been. He drops to one knee in front of you. “You’re all mine, aren’t you?” He runs a finger across your jaw. “You’re gonna be my little whore.”

Your eyes begin to swell with tears again and you spit at his face. “Go to hell.”

He wipes his face. “Is that how it’s going to be?” He laughs and then grabs your throat. In an angrier tone he says, “You’re going to regret that one, whore.”

He rips your shirt open just before a gunshot rips out. One of the men at the fire goes down. The rest of them go into a panic, reaching for their guns, but it’s too late. Two more shots ring out, sending the other two by the fire into the dirt. The only one left standing is the man who grabbed you.

The man shoots into the dark, “Show yourself!” He yells. Another shot comes from the darkness, missing the man by inches. You see an opportunity and take it. Your feet are tied together so you use them both the kick the man in the ankle sending him to the ground.

“You little bitch, I’ll kill—” He is interrupted by a shot to the hand holding his gun. He cries out in pain, clutching what is left of his hand to his chest.

A man emerges from the trees, hidden to you from behind one of the tents. The man lifts his gun and one more shot rings out, the bullet goes directly into the man’s skull.

You sit there anxiously, “Please, sir, please untie me, please.” You beg. The man moves from around the tent and into view.

“Micah!” you start to tear up.

He hurries over to you and starts to cut the ropes. “What the hell did I tell you about looking out for these boys when you left?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think they would know who I was, I—” you pause, pulling your arms from behind the tree after the ropes released you. “How did you find me?”

“I started my way up to Strawberry shortly after you left, something just didn’t feel right.”

As you’re pulling his coat on, you see your shirt ripped open. You start to realize how sore you are and think of how close that man had gotten to you. You think about what might have happened if Micah hadn’t been there, and you begin to cry. He helps you to your feet, not saying anything because he knows what is going on in your head and knows it’s best for him to stay quiet. With his help, you mount Baylock. He mounts after you and begins to ride away from the camp. You lean against his back. You notice how warm he is and how familiar his scent is and start to calm down almost instantly. You fall asleep to the gentle trot of the horse and the comfort of being with Micah.

~~~~~~

You awake to the sun shining in your eyes. You’re wrapped a bedroll—Micah’s bedroll. You can tell by the scent of his musk, and it could almost put you back to sleep.

“Hey, you awake?” It’s Micah, he is sitting up against a tree only a few feet from you.

“Yeah, I am.” You sit up and look at him. “Thank you,” you start. “I’m sorry, I—”

“I know you are.” He says. “Don’t worry about it, we don’t have to bring it up anymore.”

You smile, looking around. “Where are we?” the place seems so familiar. The two of you are in a small empty field. “I feel like I know this place.”

“This is camp.” He says motioning around him.

You stand up, looking around quickly. You can’t believe it. The two of you are back at Horseshoe Lookout, but everyone is gone, all of the tents and wagons are gone.

“I don’t understand, they left?”

“Seems that way doesn’t it.” He stands up as well. “I know this is strange to you, but this isn’t the first time they’ve packed up without me.” He shrugs then looks at you and chuckles.

“What? What could possibly be so funny?” you say, shocked at his ability to laugh at a time like this.

He simply points behind you. You turn to see your pants and his jacket hanging on the tree behind you. You look down, realizing that you’re only wearing the torn-up shirt, your chemise, and your underwear.

“Micah!” You exclaim, embarrassed, pulling the torn shirt back together.

He can’t help but laugh as you frantically grab your pants and pull them on as quickly as you can, not being very smooth about it.

“I cannot believe you!” you turn to look at him but can’t help but laugh at the stupid look on his face.

He grabs his coat from the tree and hands it to you. “Look, I’ll buy you some new clothes. We’ll head into town and you can pick out whatever you want.”

As you put on his jacket, he starts to roll up the bedroll. The two of you walk over to Baylock. He fastens the bedroll on and then helps you onto the horse, mounting after you. The two of you start to ride away, and you can’t help but smiling the whole way. He would never let you know, but he was smiling too.

[kay-diggle]

Wake Up

Summary: Jungkook wakes you up for some fun

Pairing: Jungkook x Female Reader

Genre & Rating: Smut, 18+

Warnings: SMUTTTYYY (basically porn with no plot), dom!jungkook, sub!reader, fingering, oral (f. recieving), morning sex, rough sex, vaginal intercourse,  unprotected sex

Length: 1.4k

Notes: Hope you guys enjoy! Again, feedback is always welcomed and MY REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

Kay-Diggle’s Masterlist 

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“Jesus christ....” Jungkook woke up instantly annoyed.

 After going at it with you all last night, he couldn’t understand how he could possibly be hard again. He looked over at your sleeping figure, snuggled into his chest tightly. You looked exhausted, and he couldn’t help but feel bad for what he was about to do to you.

 “Baby...” he whispered into your ear, rubbing your thigh.

“Babe, wake up... I need your help..” he tried again, as you still ignored him.

 “Wake up!” He slapped your thigh.

 “What the fuck do you want? God damn...” you said, waking up even more annoyed than he was.

 He moved your hand onto his length, making you unintentionally rub it.

 “No. I’m tired, and still extremely sore from last night... go take a shower and fix it yourself” you replied retracting your hand from his sensitivity, and turning your back towards him.

 “Baby c’mon... I need you” he said, grabbing you by your hips, pulling them to grind your ass against his crotch. He knew you couldn’t resist him.

 “No,” you sighed and plunged your entire body under the covers, ending the conversation.

“Fuck....” he rolled his eyes.

 Jungkook knew that he absolutely ruined you last night, and wanted to let you sleep. Truly, he did. But then all he could think about was how amazing last night was. Having your body pressed against his was the best feeling he’s ever felt. The thought of having to get himself off right now when you were laying next to him, naked and available, agitated him. 

 Having decided that he desperately needed you and he just couldn’t please himself right now, he moved his body under the covers, and spread your legs, leaving you bare to him.

 “Fuck...” he said looking at your sex, glistening.

 Just then, he made a single lick up your wet folds knowing it drives you crazy, but you didn’t budge. He tried all his normal tactics on you that he knew you liked, including using his tongue to spell his name out on you, but you were too far into sleep to give him anything but an almost nonexistent moan. Annoyed that you hadn’t woken up because of his actions yet, he decided to just go for it, sliding a finger inside of you while simultaneously attaching his lips onto your clit and sucking as hard as he could. He pushed his finger in and out of you, feeling you getting even more wet by the second.

 You on the other hand who had been too tired to feel anything before, definitely felt what he was doing to you at the moment.

 “.... oh my fuck!” You exclaimed, opening your eyes and watching him devour you with his mouth once again.

 “.... Kookie, baby...” you moaned, feeling him add another finger inside of you.

 “I’m sorry mamas... I really just couldn’t help myself.... you taste so good, love” he said smirking, seeing you give in to his advances and giving his attention back to your clit.

 “Shit!” you felt your legs start trembling, just as they were less than 5 hours ago. “Please fuck me... I wanna cum all over your dick... Jungkook, please.”

 “I want you to cum all over my fingers first. Can you do that for me, huh? Be my good little slut and use my hands to get yourself off?” He said detaching his mouth from your pearl and stopping the motion of his fingers.

 “Jungkook... why would you wake me up and make me do it myself... ugh” you complained rolling your eyes, annoyance clear in your voice. 

 “Watch your fucking mouth before I fill it for you...” he gave you a warning glance and a hard slap to your ass.

 You were beyond annoyed at his actions right now, but nevertheless you began grinding yourself against his fingers trying to reach your high while he looked down at you with approving eyes.

 “Fuck baby, you’re so hot”

 “Mmhmm... I bet I’d be even hotter if you knew you were the one making me go crazy like this.” You knew you would never get off with just his fingers if you were doing the work by yourself. You were trying to bait him into fucking you, seeing as though that was what he woke you up for.

 “Such a fucking brat, I swear.” He groaned pulling his fingers out of you and flipping you over, using his hand to push your face down against the soft pillow and the other to slap your ass three times in a row.

 “You love fucking this brat tho-“

 He pushed his full length into you without any hesitation in his movement. The stretch burned but it felt good.

 “You’re right... I do love fucking you. Shit, you feel so fucking good.”

 He pulled his length out to the tip, and slammed into you again, making you cry out in pain and pleasure. He went slow though, making sure not to hurt you after last night. You appreciated how considerate your boyfriend was being towards your body, but you definitely needed more. And to get it, you knew you’d have to egg him on.

 “I know you didn’t wake me up for this...” you said, pushing your ass back towards him, signaling that he wasn’t doing enough for you.

 “... excuse me?” He said stopping all movement and grabbing your hips to stop yours too.

 “ you’re wasting my time hun... I know about five other people out here who could actually fuck me good when you woke me up just to give me some wack ass dick.” You sucked your teeth just to give him more attitude.

 You heard him groan as he slipped himself out of you. He flipped you over and pulled you towards his crotch, holding your legs around his waist while he picked you up and pushed you against the wall.

He slammed himself into you harder than he ever has before, wrapping his hand tightly around your throat, halting some of your airflow.

 “What other people huh, you whore? WHO?” He questioned you while still consistently slamming into you and choking you.

 “Fuck baby...” you couldn’t hold in your moans. It was all too much, but it felt too good to tell him to stop. Besides, you wanted this.

 “Answer me.” He said, giving you the death glare while still continuing his punishing strokes.

 “Who. Else. Have. You. Been. Fucking?” He asked while serving you deep thrusts after each word, each of them harder than the last.

 “No one.. fuck.. no one. I’m sorry. I was lying.... Shit, I’m sorry daddy. Pleaseee.” You whined.

 He let up on your neck a bit, loosening his grip, but not changing the way he was slamming into you, ultimately making you slam your back against the wall.

 “Yea, that’s what I fucking thought.” He said with a threatening tone.

 “... fuck... please I’m gonna cum.”

 “Mmhmm, go ahead.” He said biting his lip and removing his hand from around your neck to rub your already swollen clit harder than ever.

 Between the intense stare he was giving you, you being fucked against the wall for the first time, how hard and fast he was rubbing your clit, and him fucking you exactly at the right angle, you couldn’t hold off your orgasm. You felt yourself spasm around him while he was still pushing himself inside of you.

 Your hole tightening around him and squeezing him was all he needed to push him over the edge.

 “Fuck princess.....” He came with one final thrust, pushing himself completely into you and putting his head in your neck, trying to get his breathing pattern back to normal.

 He removed himself from inside of you, leaving you feeling empty and let you down. Your legs felt like jelly, and as soon as your feet hit the floor you began to slide down the wall, not being able to stand up. He caught you and threw you onto the bed.

 “I’ll be back,” he said walking into the bathroom.

 He came back with a wet towel, cleaning off himself and then you.

 “Jesus fucking Christ boy... my back hurts so much from you fucking slamming me against the wall.” You complained.

 “That’s what you get for being such a fucking brat and talking so much shit. Who’s giving you wack dick now?” He said now joining you on the bed.

 “Not you... but if you ever wake me up like this again you won’t have a dick. I’ll cut ya shit off, stop playing with me.”

[highwaydiamonds]

Um. Excuse me. You had cancer??

Yeah... I mean I guess I really haven't discussed it much on tumblr. I have a little bit, but only in vague ways, or rarely made veiled references in tags.

SO, get a drink, get a snack, because this is a bit of a saga, and you already know I am longwinded at the best of times. I'm going to do like Vizzini said, and go back to the beginning. I hope you're ok I'm making this public Shells, it seems easier to? And I'll put this behind a cut because I really do wax on ( and on).

It's the end of August 2018 and i appear to have gotten some kind cold/respiratory infection. I'm at work the first day of it and it feels like a cold. No big deal. (Also this is all pre-COVID so no I didn't have COVID). The next day I feel really awful, so I call off work, and figure all I need to do is rest and I'll be ok. Turns out, NOPE. The next day I feel worse- now I can tell I have a bit of a fever, my appetite was basically, " eat one baby carrot and my appetite is exhausted." Finally, I get to the point that I am having trouble lying down - as in I am becoming short of breath when I try to lie flat (sorry if I am using the wrong word - lay/lie was always a grammar issue that eluded me.) So, I decide, ok, i will be sensible girl and go get medical attention. But I am stubborn and feel the ER is overreacting, so I go to urgent care. i park in the front row of urgent car parking, but by the time I reach the intake desk I have to put my head down because I am so winded and a bit lightheaded.

They take one look at me and tell me, point blank, "we're getting a squad for you to take you to the ER." I say, " what? no, I don't need that, this is not that big a deal." They counter, " you could barely walk in the door and you you are having significant trouble breathing. We don't have the ability to see you here." So, for the first time in my life I have to go via ambulance from urgent care to a free standing ER.

I get to the ER - where they decide, OK, lady, you're a mess. Let's get some chest x-rays and we're gonna slap some IV fluids and I can't even recall if they immediately put me on IV antibiotics or not. But after two hours there they informed me, " hey.... So, we think you need to go to the hospital-hospital not the freestanding ER." I tell them well you better hand me my laptop ( I'm that bitch who takes the laptop with her juuuuust in case I am stuck in the hospital. you never know.) Because i am not going to a hospital until I figure out if they're in my health plan. I do so and then for the second time in my life, all in one night because sometimes I am an over achiever i guess, I go via ambulance to the hospital.

They admitted me and over the next few/couple/ hours ( it was hard to tell) I progressively felt worse. I had trouble breathing if I didn't sit absolutely straight up, and at that point I hadn't gotten good sleep for around 60 hours or so. Me being me I started to get teary and panicky, because I was so tired and wasn't sure what to do. I called for the nurse and she came in and then within the next half hour your girl got taken down to the ICU. By the time we arrived down in the ICU I was really getting panicky. My mom died in the ICU ( different hospital but still) and I knew the fact they took me down there was no laughing matter. I started to think about, " ok is this what death is like? this isn't what i thought it was going to be - this is panicky and scary and not all white lights and peace."

The next thing I knew - it was two days later, and I woke up intubated. Did you know that you can be conscious and intubated? I did not. I'll speed things up a bit here. I spent a total of 8 days in the ICU - I had one hell of a case of pneumonia, and there were a couple of other diagnoses thrown in ( nope, not cancer. promise, we will get there.) . The nurses I had were AMAZING. I was intubated for about 6 of those 8 days. Then I got weaned off of it. Funniest moment on the ventilator: Physical therapist comes around and says, " Hey let's get you up and walking, you think you can?" I nodded and shrugged my shoulders to try and communicate, " sure, ok!" It went totally fine, but there were nursing students, residents, other doctors and who knows who else looking out of rooms and over desks at the two of us just y'know... *walking down the hall*. I gestured to the people because it was just flipping weird. I had an audience at the exact time NOBODY wants an audience and it confused the hell out of me. PT advised me, " there aren't too many times ventilated patients are ambulatory. You're a bit of a curiosity so people want to see."

Once I got out of the ICU and was put back on a regular floor, I got to meet with other doctors re those other diagnoses I mentioned ( chronic things I just have to manage) I also mentioned that it had been a really long time since I had been to a GYN and as had been noted in the ICU I spotted quite frequently ( I have never, ever in my life been regular period-wise and it just got weirder over time, but I just didn't really consider it. So I asked while they were setting me up with new practitioners ( my previous doctor had retired) too please set me top with a gynecologist.

So I'm out of the hospital by September 10th, 2018. The gyro appointment occurs i want to say by mid- to late September. I go in and meet her and she's lovely. While I'm up on the table she says, " hey let's do all the things and get a uterine biopsy!" I say, " excellent, do the things!" We agree it's likely going to be nothing but hey we're smart people and we will play it safe. Huzzah Gyno visit accomplished! (if I were a gamer I'd make some kind of ladybits achievement unlocked now, but I'm not a gamer.)

Two or so weeks go by - or however long it takes to get those test results back (some of these spans are lost in the mists of time). Dr Boyle calls me and apologizes that the test results that she was sure would be nothing... they are not nothing. Turns out, it's endometrial cancer.

At that point you could have knocked me over with a feather. Shells, I wanted my mom to be there so badly, I can't even express it. She would have understood how I felt - she'd been there with her breast cancer. But at the same time, I was glad she wasn't there? I remember how heartsick my mom was to tell Grandmommy when Mom got cancer. I didn't want my mom to have to hear that news, to worry about that. Dr Boyle advised me that she would be referring me to a good oncologist and i should hear from them in a week or two.

Thus began MRIS and PET scans and ultrasounds, and blood work etc. The oncologist diagnosed that he figured I might be stage three, but it depended on my lymph involvement. It brought back memories of when Mom was diagnosed and when she told me she was stage three. I asked my Dad later, "what does that mean?" He told me, " there are only four stages, so what do you think?" This time around I knew what it meant. So, we put me down for surgery November 9th, 2018. That's two days before my birthday - so I joked that I was getting my cancer out for my birthday - hooray! My best friend actually flew in from texas for my surgery ( my best friend is a SAINT, and I love her more than pearls and rubies.)

Best surgery story from this experience: For my total hysterectomy (uterus and ovaries go sayonara and then also two signal lymph nodes in the chain of nodes on either side of the pelvis to se if there is any lymph complication.) I had to be tilted back - so with my head down to move as many organs away from the uterus etc during the laparoscopic procedure. I knew this going in, However, when I woke up back in my hospital room I looked at Bestie and said, " I hurt in places I didn't expect to hurt. Oh wait. My shoulders hurt because they're not used to being weight bearing, but the procedure was laproscopic - so why the heck does my vagina hurt?" Bestie in one of her best moments ever says, " I know why." I replied, " wait, YOU know why MY vagina hurts?!" She said, " yep. So your surgery was supposed to take 3-3.5 hours ended up taking 5 hours instead. Your uterus was really big. The oncologist told us they need up having to cut it in half to pull it out of you." bestie admitted she joked with the oncologist that it was like I had just birthed a baby, he looked back at her (NOT laughing) and said, " yes, that's basically what she did." I laughed so much at that ( i mean i was also well medicated, but still) I told Bestie, " I had a Uterus! Let's call it George!" ( In retrospect I am disappointed in myself that I misgendered my own uterus, I should have called it Georgina.)

So, after healing from the surgery, by about January of 2019 I started two courses (each with a few rounds) of chemo. First came what the doctors and I called "low-pro" chemo - that we did along with radiation. Honestly, though i was making a heck of a lot more bathroom trips, you wouldn't have generally known I was sick. Most of my coworkers had no idea. I just was a bit more tired than usual. After the low pro rounds - then we moved to the bigger guns. Radiation was done but I moved to more significant chemo drugs, This wasn't because things were bad - this was the plan all along :) But I knew the "high-pro" chemo was going to make me lose my hair. THAT was a psychic struggle. I cried so much knowing that was going to happen. I got hats and caps and I even got a very nice wig. I mean, I planned as much as a girl can plan when she hears that news. I even preemptively cut my long hair. It was about half way down my back at that point. So I went in and asked the stylist please braid it and put it in between two hair ties - and then cut it - so i could keep my braid. I couldn't do locks of love anyway as it was colored, and I know it's selfish, but I wanted my hair. So, the hair went from half down my back to a face framing bob. then I just waited. And then in a few weeks it happened. I could put my hands through my hair and easily, painlessly pull it out. I am not a cute bald girl. That's when people KNOW you have something going on.

I was very lucky though, there ended up NOT being lymph involvement, and even the high pro chemo didn't make me nauseous or lose appetite. I did have HORRIBLE bone pain usually the first week after chemo ( i'd get it every three weeks). I learned a hell of a lot from that. I also was able to get some meds to help alleviate it a bit, and I took time from work when the pain was at its worst. But I have never experienced pain like that - where no matter what I did - no position changes helped. Even ice packs or heat pads didn't help or do much. It was just a waiting game, a painful waiting game. Oh also - I learned that IV benadryl is nothing like oral benadryl. IV benadryl is like walking right into a brick wall made of sleep. That stuff knocked me the hell out right quick - amazing.

Right before COVID started and the world shut down I got the flu because my immune system was in the toilet- and so I spent another week in the hospital and except for the bone pain that comes with chemo, you know what is worse than chemo injections? POTASSIUM injections. Among other things, my potassium levels were low and so I got those injections with other meds. Those suckers HURT. they BURN, and so i spent a week in the hospital only to eventually come out and find out the world was starting to shut down from COVID. Not my job at that point, but my oncologist told me, " GO HOME - YOU KNOW YOU ARE IMMUNO COMPROMISED - DON'T STAY AT WORK." So, I went home until about a month after I finished chemo.

Since finishing chemo it's been about scans, which have gone ok so far... I'm not willing to talk about the R word. I just think I'll have to be careful the rest of my life - My mom always said, "once you've gotten cancer, you always have cancer." So, maybe it's the anxiety talking, but it's kind of like waiting for the other cancer shoe to drop. In the mean time though, it's business as usual - try to find good stuff in the midst of the hot mess. Cancer has been a crisis but not a reason to lose my sense of humor. I've needed it more than ever :)

So, sorry for the SERIOUSLY LONG ASS answer, but sometimes it's just better to lay it bare. I'm not ashamed of this stuff. It's been a lot. It's been a journey... It still is... it's part of the rest of my journey, which i hope isn't over by a long shot yet. I don't believe things happen for reasons - the world is WAY too absurd for that in my opinion, BUT good gravy have i been able to learn so much from this whole three ring circus. I'm not grateful for cancer, but I am grateful for the lessons.

Thanks for checking in, Shells. You're a complete sweetheart.

[myhockeyworld87]

Bubble Wrapped - Part 5

Word Count: 4,711

POV: Reader

Warnings: Same as always, Language, Smut, NSFW, Please see the note in the Masterlist

Teams: Bruins, Caps, Flyers, Lightning and Pens

Notes: I’m not sure what happened here but here it is anyhow...haha! I hope you guys enjoy. If there’s something you’d like to see in the Bubble let me know. Feedback and suggestions are always welcome. Happy Reading!!!

When you first heard the knock at the door, you thought it had to be your imagination. Why someone would be at your suite at this hour was beyond you. When the voice on the other side, finally spoke, you couldn't believe your ears. It was obvious why he was here and it had everything to do with the two men that had just given you an earth-shattering orgasm. Which he'd probably heard.

 "Fuck," Zach whispered. "He's going to kill us." Brandon nodded his agreement, as you all went to gather up clothing that was strewn throughout the suite.

 "Why does he give a shit?" You whisper yelled over to the guys.

 "We play tomorrow," Brandon said, and even though you knew this, he acted like that was an explanation in and of itself. "You know curfew and all."

 "You're grown men…" You went to say more, but the banging on the door repeated itself as you threw your shirt over your head completely forgetting to put on your bra. "Upstairs, second door on the right. It takes you to the pool, from there take the elevator back to your rooms. I'll stall as best I can." They both gave you a quick kiss on the cheek then ran up the stairs. "Just a minute," you called out grabbing your leggings and throwing them on. Your hair was a complete disaster, and you tried to smooth it out before whipping it on top of your head and opening the door. "Sid, what are you doing here?"

 Casually, you leaned against the door, cheeks flushed from not only your climax but also from the heat of having Sidney Crosby at your door. "I'm looking for Tanev and ZAR. Someone said they thought they saw them come up here with you." The look on his face told you he wasn't pleased with the thought of the two guys being in your room but was that from them breaking his supposed curfew or the fact that maybe the three of you had been up to something; you weren't sure.

 "Well, they're not here." You tried to sound casual and breezy about it, but instead, it sort of came out more breathless.

 "I have a feeling you're covering for them." His eyebrow raised at you questioningly before adding, "I could hear you, you know?"

 As if you couldn't be any more embarrassed about the situation, you turned an even deeper shade of red. There was no way he heard your conversation with Brandon and Zach, the walls were definitely thick enough to cover up the hushed whispers. It was definitely your loud moans that he was referring to, and if you wanted to cover for his teammates this situation was just about to get even more uncomfortable. "Oh, um…" you stammered a bit as you tried to find the right words. "It's been a long few weeks here. I was just blowing off some steam."

 "With some help?"

 "Um…no. It's just me here." You opened the door a little wider then realized you'd made a mistake as there were beer bottles on the table still, along with your bra hanging over a chair and your panties on the floor by the sofa. You needed an excuse and fast. "I mean, well Carly and a couple other employees were up here earlier."

 "Employees huh?" He gave you a skeptical look.

 "Well, I'm kind of the only one that has alcohol. I'm not opposed to sharing a couple if it keeps morale up." You were babbling you knew it, but you hoped it sounded like a plausible cover. "Did you want a glass or something?" Sid didn't really seem like the type that would take you up on the offer the night before a game, but at least the offer filled in the silence.

 "No, though thank you for the offer." He seemed to be mulling something over in his mind. "So you're telling me that neither of these guys are anywhere in your suite?"

 "You're welcome to look around, but they aren't here." Sid strolled around the room and you saw his eye flick from your bra and then back to you. Your nipples hardened under his gaze. He made his way over to you, as you stood by the sofa trying to push your panties under it.

 His eyes never left your body, yet still, he said, "No point in trying to make those disappear. I already saw them." Only six inches of space separated the two of you, as Sid stood in front of you. "Are you always that loud when you pleasure yourself?"

 One of his fingers trailed down your cheek, till it rested under your chin urging you to not look away under his scrutiny. It was a bit intimidating when you looked him in the eye and you now knew how his opponents felt when they faced him on the ice. "Sometimes." It was a vague yet honest answer.

 "And when it's someone pleasuring you?"

 "Depends," he cocked his head at you for further explanation. "There are some that…how should I say this…aren't as skilled as others."

 That single finger trailed down your neck to the swell of your breasts. "And where do you think I'd fall."

 "I'm not sure." You saw it then, the wanting in his eyes and you found the courage to finally say, "but I'm interested in finding out." He pulled you roughly against him then, covering his mouth with yours. His tongue sweeping inside immediately, controlling the kiss. You could feel him hard against you, as he pressed your back into his body, and though you'd just climaxed moments ago, your body tingled in anticipation of what Sid could give you. Your hands skated up around his neck as the kiss became hot, wet, and needy.

 Sid nudged his knee between your legs, never breaking the intoxicating kiss. Hands shifting to your hips, he urged you to grind down upon his thigh. Your hips moved of their own accord with his encouragement, pressing down on him as you'd fantasized about numerous times since seeing his body. Maybe it was the friction of your leggings or more likely his meaty thigh that was clenched as you rode him, but you could feel the orgasm building within minutes of your body rocking against him. "That's it," Sid coaxed, trailing kisses down your neck. A moan escaped your lips as your body started to tingle. "Look at me when you cum (Y/N)," Sid all but ordered and your eyes snapped to his at the same time the orgasm crashed over your body, and you screamed out your pleasure. Moisture flooded your pants soaking through your leggings, leaving Sid's thigh wet. "You're so beautiful when you cum," He captured your lips then, giving you a short but heated kiss before removing his thigh from between your legs. He didn't let go of your waist though and you enjoyed the feel of his hands gripping you. "Wish I had more time to see you do it again."

 "You're leaving?" God, you sounded whiny even to your own ears, but with just getting that little taste of pleasure from Sid, and he hadn't really even touched you; had you wanting more. You cleared your throat regaining your composure a bit. "I thought I could return the favor."

 "Another time, princess." The moniker wasn't something that you preferred to be called but falling off his lips you longed to hear it again. "I've got two guys I still need to find." For a moment you'd forgotten all about his teammates. "And a game tomorrow. Raincheck?"

 "It seems I have no choice," you said trying to keep the pout out of your voice. Sid released you, taking your hand so that you followed him to the door where he kissed you senseless before opening it.

 "I'll see you soon," Sid promised with a wicked gleam in his eye.

 "Good luck finding the guys."

 "I have a feeling you bought them enough time, not that I'm complaining." With that, he shut the door leaving you standing there gaping.

 Sleep came easily after everything that happened that night. You were literally exhausted, but you woke refreshed and headed down to the lobby to start your day. "So, how was last night?" You asked Carly when you saw her.

 "Amazing," she said a little louder than either of you would've liked as several heads turned in your direction and you pulled her off to the side.

 "Tell me everything."

 "Brayden is so sweet and so…" she sighed as her eyes practically rolled back into her head. "He really knows what he's doing in bed. I mean those hands. Fuck (Y/N), I seriously think he ruined me."

 "That good huh?"

 "He didn't quite have the equipment that ZAR had, but he sure knew how to use it. I'm so sore." You both started to laugh a little at her words but it was more the dreamy look in her eyes when she talked about it that had you giddy for your friend.

 "Just don't get attached Car," you warned your friend.

 "I know, I know. Love 'em and leave 'em." She echoed the words you'd told her many times before. "Though I wonder how that's working out for you?"

 "I'm sorry, I'm not following you."

 "I'll explain as soon as you tell me what happened after I left. Who stayed?" You felt your cheeks heat before admitting that they both did. "You didn't? Both of them?"

 "Not exactly, we kind of got interrupted."

 "By who?"

 "Oh god Car, you'll never believe it." She didn't say a word just stared at you impatiently until you continued. "It was Sid."

 "OH MY GOD!"

 "Seriously, keep it down. I do not need this getting out." She mouthed a quick and silent sorry. "I covered for them, but he…" shit you couldn't even explain how he made you feel.

 "Yeah?" Carly asked now bouncing up and down waiting for the details.

 "It wasn't like that." Your voice dropped down to an even lower whisper. "He had me ride his thigh."

 "You lucky bitch!" She whisper yelled at you. "I swear you are living out every woman's fantasy right there. He has the thighs of a Greek god. I'd kill to be you right now."

 "Please even after Mr. Point's night of pleasure?"

 "Ok well maybe not." She agreed. "But you've got to admit his thighs are a masterpiece."

 "Oh, I'm not denying that at all and given the chance, I will be doing that again." You'd hoped there'd be a lot more opportunities during his time here.

 "And will there be?" Carly asked.

 "He gave me that impression before he left."

 "Well, I might have something that changes your mind." You looked at your friend curiously as she led you back behind the registration desk that was unmanned as there was no one checking in or out of the hotel. "This came for you." Why she thought a plain brown box could change your mind about fucking Sidney Crosby you had no idea. "Look at the return address."

 You saw it and immediately knew who it was from even though it didn't reveal the person who sent the package. "Yeah so how do you know I didn't order this?" Carly gave you a look as if to say that she knew that you didn't.

 "There's also this one, but I have no clue what's in it."

 "Nor will you," and you took both of the boxes and headed back to the office that was shared by all the managers.

 "You'll eventually tell me," she called out after you, and you shut the door not knowing if you would confide in her or not. Once safely ensconced inside you sat down at the desk and stared at the boxes in front of you. Opening the most obvious one first, you weren't surprised when you found a new pair of Christian Louboutin red-soled heels in the box. They weren't flashy by any means, just a simple and classic black pump to replace the ones that were ruined when Marchand threw you in the pool. There was a note attached to them.

  (Y/N), Marchy's an idiot and I hope these make up for the ones he destroyed. I opted for something simple knowing that it's you who will make the shoes look good and not the other way around. Though if there's a pair you like better I'll buy them for you as well. Yours, Ty

 The note was typed and not handwritten, as it came from the store but you sort of cherished it all the same. Tyler could be awfully sweet when he wanted to and maybe in another time and another place, things could be different with him. You slipped out of your old shoes and placed your brand new ones on your feet. They fit like a glove, which had you wondering how he knew your size. It's not like he'd ever bought you anything personal like this before. Oh sure there were the occasional bouquet of roses here and there, and even a pair of earrings once, but never clothes or something of that nature. Maybe he'd called Carly and asked her, though you were pretty sure the two hadn't met. Still, Tyler had a way of getting information when he wanted it.

 Moving on to the other box, you flipped it over reading the return address and not having a clue who it could be from. When you opened it, you had no doubt that it came from Tyler as well, for inside was a vibrator. Your pussy started to tingle as you picked up the box and turned the product over to read about it. It claimed to be discreet so that no one would hear it when you wore it. Those words sank in as you skimmed the rest, reading where it had remote internet access for when you were away from your lover. It made perfect sense then why he sent you this particular vibrator instead of the millions of others that were on the market. You shoved it back in the box, then picked up the note attached to this gift as well.

 Babygirl, I miss you so much. Thought this would be a great way we could keep in touch with each other. Yours Always, Ty

 So now you were his babygirl, you thought. You didn't mind the nickname, in fact, you'd love to hear it falling off his lips. You boxed everything back up then headed back to out to the lobby before heading back to your suite. "So are you telling me what's in those boxes or do I have to guess," Carly hounded you the minute you walked out of the office.

 "You know he bought me shoes, that's ones not hard," you told her showing her the new pumps on your feet. "Did he call you for my size by the way?"

 Her nose scrunched up as she answered you. "Me? Why would he call me? I don't know the guy." It was just as you thought, which made you even more curious how he knew what with ones would fit you. "Which you totally have to introduce us next time he's in town."

 "Yeah, yeah. I will. I'm going upstairs to thank him."

 "Make sure you do it properly," Carly added with a little wink, which had you shaking your head at her. Thankfully, she didn't ask you about the other box.

 Edmonton was still three hours behind you, so it was relatively early there and you weren't sure if you would catch him before he left for practice or to workout but you Facetimed him anyhow. He picked up on the first ring. "Hey, babygirl."

 "Hey Ty, I just called to say thank you for my new shoes." You flipped the phone so that he could see them on your feet. "You didn't have to you know."

 "I know, but I wanted to. Plus you look hot in them." You smiled but also gave him a slight shake of your head.

 "It was still really sweet of you. The other present…" You trailed off knowing that sweet wasn't a word that you could use to describe that gift at all.

 "You like?" He asked a grin transforming his face that made him look a bit devilish.

 "It definitely has me intrigued. What exactly were you thinking? It's not like I can wear that all the time and you just turn it on when you want." That would make for some very awkward situations in this bubble.

 "I know baby, though I love that idea. You talking to some hockey player only to have this vibration inside you go off to remind you of me." He paused, and you could see him thinking of just that situation. God, he could be wicked at times. "Just thought we could set aside some time that we could play together. In fact, now works for me. I don't have to be at practice for an hour."

 You knew Carly would cover for you and that if it was a true emergency, she'd come to get you. So, what the hell, you decided to throw caution to the wind and give in to Tyler just this once.  "I have a bit of time."

 "Great, go get naked." You laughed at his eagerness then headed upstairs with your new little toy. "On second thought, why don't you give me a little show. I miss you so fucking bad."

 "Fine, but I can't be on here all day with you. I've got a hotel to run."

 "I know babygirl. Now prop the telephone up on something." You put in the dresser that was in front of the bed, then unboxed the toy, and cleaned it real quick before returning to Ty. Who was now naked from the waist up from what you could tell, though you expected he was completely nude as well. Positioning yourself so that he could see you fairly well, you began to slowly unzip the navy sheath dress you wore that day. He blew out a low whistle when the dress dropped to the ground leaving you left in the lingerie set that you'd worn. It had a matching garter belt with thigh highs, and you propped your foot on the bed, slowly rolling them down your leg at the same time giving Tyler a nice view of your cunt. "You're so fucking sexy. Do you know what you do to me?"

 You pushed your hair off to one side as you looked at the phone. "I have an idea." The next stocking followed the other one, then you stood up and went closer to the camera. "Bra or panties next?"

 "Bra baby. I need to see your beautiful tits." It was obvious now that he was stroking himself and you wondered if he was going to get off before you'd even begun to play with the vibrator. Using the same technique you used the other night, you slid both arms out of the straps, before unclasping the bra then cupped it to your breast before letting the garment fall away. "Fuck (Y/N), you know if I was there I'd be sucking on those gorgeous nipples." You let your hand glide up and gave each nipple a little pinch, moaning as sensations washed over you. "That's it babygirl," he groaned out loving the way you played with yourself.

 You skated your hands down to your panties, then hooked your fingers along the elastic at the sides. On a whim, you turned around and gave him a view of your ass. As you slid the small piece of fabric down your legs, you bent at the waist so he could see your ass and pussy. He hummed out his approval and you saw the phone go a little off-kilter as he stroked himself, before you turned back to your upright position. You spread your legs, back to the camera still, then purposely ran your hand down to your crotch, sliding a finger through your folds. A soft little moan escaped your lips. "Baby, stop teasing me like that. Turn around so I can see you," Ty hissed out and you did as he asked. This time crawling up on the bed and laying out. "God, I want to touch you so fucking bad." You grabbed the toy he'd brought for you and turned the switch on. "Wet it babygirl." You stuck it in between your lips sucking on the small vibe and making it wet. It was a poor substitute for his cock but you could tell your actions were driving him wild. Popping it out of your mouth, you slid it amongst your folds, before pushing it inside you. It took a minute to find the right spot, then you positioned its outside vibe on your clit as the diagram had shown you.

 "How are you…" you started to ask but then the damn thing started to vibrate and you lost all coherent thought.

 "iPad," he answered knowing where your thoughts were going since you were on Facetime with him. You had no idea what the app let him do, as you hadn't downloaded it onto your phone yet, but you were overwhelmed as the sensations would speed up and then slow down. It had you panting in no time. "You like that?" There was a pleased expression on his face and you could tell he'd abandoned his own pleasure in the pursuit of yours. Just when you were getting into a rhythm, the patterned changed causing a new tingling over your body.

 "Fuck Tyler," you moaned out as your hips rose of their own accord. He took it down to a low hum and you thought you were going to reach through the phone and slap him. "What did you do that for? I was so close."

 He chuckled softly, then flicked it up about halfway, or so you assumed as it wasn't as strong as before. "Can't have you cumming yet." He teased, then changed it yet again. This one was much more intense and you brought your hands up to play with your nipples as Tyler tweaked the speed. "Yeah babygirl, you look so hot for me right now." Your legs started to shake as the orgasm built once again, only for you to be denied as he kept torturing you.

 "Tyler," you whined, and he laughed more. The pleasure this man got out of edging you was quite evident on his face. "I swear if you do that again."

 "You'll what babe?" He teased then pressed something and turned the speed up again so that you couldn't even answer him. "God I could keep you on the edge like this for hours."

 "We…" fuck the vibrations felt so good. "Don't have…" The patterned changed again, a tingling sensation rolling through your whole body. "Time…" you finally managed to get that last part out.

 "I know, but we are definitely doing this again when we do." He played a few more minutes, taking you to that edge one more time before teasing it back down to a slow hum. "Ok, I think I know which one I like the best." He adjusted his phone on his end so that both his hands were free and you saw just a glimpse of his cock before he started to stroke it. "Let's see if we can time this together babygirl." He slowly built you up again, changing the vibration setting to the one that literally put you on edge within seconds. Its speed was low and you moaned out into the camera as a warm delicious feeling crept over your body. The more you played with your breasts the fast Tyler made the vibrator go until your hips were thrusting into the air. You closed your eyes as the orgasm started to creep up.

 "Yes, Ty, yes," you panted out wishing he was here and that it was his cock inside you throbbing instead of this piece of plastic.

 "Fuck (Y/N), I'm gonna cum," He moaned out, right as he flicked it on the highest setting and your eyes snapped to the screen as you screamed out his name. The orgasm came hard over your body, your pussy clenching as it spasmed around the vibrator. Your hips pressed upward as the climax continued on and you heard Tyler call out your name as he came as well. You could see him slump back after his orgasm, but the vibrations inside you didn't stop. Tyler was still coming down from his high as a second orgasm hit, or maybe it was still the first one that just kept going on, either way, you were moaning and thrashing your body on the bed as your clit felt over-sensitized.

 "Ty…" you panted. "I can't." It was too much and your hands reached down to pull the vibrator out if necessary, right as Tyler slowly turned it down. You were glad about the gradual decline.

 "Sorry baby, I forgot." You lay back on the bed trying to catch your breath and not really succeeding. "You ok?" You nodded as you couldn't quite speak yet. "Fuck that was so hot, babygirl." Again, you still couldn't respond. "Damn I wish I could just wrap you up in my arms right now." There was a bit of longing in his voice and you weren't sure but you swore your heart did a little flip. You chalked it up to it just trying to get back to its regular rhythm. "Seriously (Y/N), are you alright?"

 "Yeah," you finally breathed out. "For someone two thousand miles away, you sure know how to make a girl cum." You both laughed. Reaching down you pulled the vibrator out of your drenched pussy, a string of wetness trailed from your body to the toy as it was removed.

 "Fuck, I think I could cum again just watching you do that."

 "Good thing this is waterproof," you chuckled, as you sat up on the bed. "I should really go and you have practice." A frown appeared on Tyler's face. "Don't give me that look. You know I'll let you play again soon, that was too fun to only do once."

 His cocky little grin spread across his face. "You know, that company has a whole line of products made for long-distance. I might just have to order you some more."

 You shook your head at his antics. "Well after that, I'm not going to complain if you do." You gave him a wink, before grabbing the phone to say goodbye. "But seriously, thank you for the shoes." It was only then that you realized they were still on. "You didn't have to get them."

 "I know baby, but as I said before I wanted to." You both had the phone close to your face now, and it was hard to miss the smile on both of your faces. "Thank you for…well that. It was much needed."

 "Alight I've got to go."

 "Hey babe, be prepared for the rest of that collection to come." You giggled but knew he would follow through with that especially after what just happened. "I'll talk to you soon, babygirl." He blew you a kiss from the phone and you returned it.

 "Bye, Ty." You said then went to ask about how he knew your shoe size, but he had already hung up. Leaving you wondering what kind of inside track he had on you. It was only then that you saw that a text message had come through over your phone. The number not recognizable, but it could've been any of the players staying at the hotel. It was a pretty simple message.

I haven't forgotten. I’ll see you soon.

 You reread the cryptic message wondering who it was from. It could've been from any number of the guys that you'd been with over the last couple days. You really should’ve gotten some of their numbers before you started this whole journey. It was going to be interesting when you ran into them all that was for sure.

[eberles]

Million Reasons

Tyler Seguin

Request: OK I GOT IT I GOT THE SONG IM READY FOR THE ANGST AND FLUFF AND YES *clears throat* Million Reasons by lady Gaga with Seggy 🥺

A/N: umm this is pretty sad ngl, you can blame katie tho for requesting it!! i hope you guys like angst, there is a lil fluffy tho! :) this is based of Million Reasons by Lady Gaga, feel free to listen while you read. i love feedback, so tell me what you think! :)

Warnings: angst, mentions of toxic relationship 

I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away, but baby, I just need one good one to stay...

“Tyler, where are you? Call me back, you’re late...Again.” That was your 5th time calling Tyler in the last hour. He promised he would be home early today so he could have dinner with your parents. It would’ve been fine if he missed it, except your parents are hardly ever in town and they wanted to see you and Tyler together since they never got the opportunity. This was important to you and he knew that. After another hour of waiting at home for him, you decided you weren’t going to be late to meet your parents at the restaurant. 

“Hi guy, I missed you!” you greeted your parents, walking into the restaurant and seeing they already had a table. They stood up so you could give hugs and you were hoping they wouldn’t bring up that Tyler wasn’t with you. But you weren’t that lucky.

“Where is Tyler? Wasn’t he supposed to be with you?” you asked, looking behind you when she pulled away from your hug, sitting down when she didn’t see him. 

“Yes, i’m sorry, he wanted to be here, but he got caught up with work stuff.” you lied, feeling guilty. This wasn’t the first time he’s missed dinner with your parents and you hated lying to them about it, but you couldn’t bear the thought of them having any negative thoughts on Tyler. You parents nodded, and you weren’t sure they entirely believed you this time. 

Dinner went well and you made more plans with your parents to show them some famous Dallas sights tomorrow. By the time you got home you were exhausted, wanting to just curl up in bed and sleep. However, when you walked into your house, you were met with Tyler sitting in the living room watching tv. 

“Hey babe.” Tyler looked away from the tv quickly, to greet you as you walked in the door, missing the shocked expression you had on your face.

“Did you not get my 5 missed calls earlier or did you just not care?” you asked, your tone of voice giving away how frustrated you were with your boyfriend. 

“Ugh. Can we not do this right now? I’m tired and I just wanted one day where I didn't have to answer to you.” Tyler shook his head as he spoke and he could tell he was snippy. Although, you weren't sure what he had to be upset about. 

“Are you kidding me? We had plans with my parents tonight! You completely blew me off, do you know how embarrassing that is?” He hasn’t removed his gaze from the tv in front of him so you marched over and stood in between the tv and him, waving your arms around waiting for an answer.

“Oh shit. I’m sorry, I forgot.” Tyler shrugged, not even pretending to care. If you weren’t so tired from the day you had, you could’ve argued with you more, but at this point it didn’t seem worth it. Scoffing, you walked away, going up to your bedroom, making sure to lock the door behind you, not wanting to spend the night in the same bed with him. 

When you woke up the next morning, you were surprised to open your bedroom door to see Tyler sleeping on the floor outside of it. Your heart leaped at the thought he might’ve cared enough to see if you were okay last night. 

“Tyler, babe, wake up.” you said gently, leaning down next to him to rub his shoulder, hoping to wake him up without scaring him. 

“Y/N, i’m sorry about last night! I’m an ass, I know that. I shouldn’t have forgotten about dinner and I shouldn’t have jumped down your throat when you said you tried to call me.” you helped Tyler up from the ground and he wrapped his arms around you, giving you a tight hug. You let him hug you, resting your face in his neck, breathing in his scent, missing him being close to you. “I’m gonna make it up to you today, we can do whatever you want, okay?”

“I’m supposed to show my parents around Dallas today, but i’m sure they would love it if you joined in.” you said excitedly, hoping to show your parents that Tyler truly does care. 

“I would love that, baby.” Tyler’s words were genuine and you kissed him before pulling him down to the kitchen to make you breakfast. 

I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away…

“Tyler? Are you even listening?” you were growing impatient after putting together a nice dinner for the two of you and your boyfriend of two years couldn't even bother to pick his head up from his phone. You were supposed to be celebrating your anniversary tonight and originally Tyler told you he would take you to the new Italian place that opened up downtown. Unfortunately, this morning Tyler told you something came up and he would have to cancel your reservations, so you offered to cook at home instead for a later dinner. 

“Yea I heard you, babe.” Tyler finally spoke up, not looking up from his phone that had been dinging constantly since he got hime half an hour ago. You stood up grabbing your half eaten plate along with his and started cleaning up the dinner. Tyler picked up his head, feeling your presence moving around, “I wasn’t done.”

“Well, I am.” you mumbled, putting his plate back in front of him, “Happy anniversary.” you mumbled, rolling your eyes, walking out of the dining room and into your shared bedroom for the night. 

But baby, I just need one good one to stay…

It’s been three weeks since Tyler has left for a few string of games out of state and he was finally coming home. You were missing him a lot this trip and he called you everyday to check in. It felt like things were going back to how they used to be and you couldn’t be more happy. Your boss told you to leave work early today since there wasn’t much left to do, so that’s exactly what you did. You got home, opening the door, frowning when you weren’t greeted by the dogs, like you usually were. Walking further into the house, you noticed some candles lit around your apartment accompanied by flower petals, you were confused until you saw him come into view.

“Surprise, baby.” Tyler smirked, watching you look around the room, clearly confused by him being home a day early. 

“What are you doing here?” you cried out, walking closer to Tyler letting him take you into his arms, letting you finally relax your shoulders, immediately feeling comfort in his embrace. 

“I missed you too much to wait until tomorrow.” He kissed your forehead, and you pulled away to kiss him properly. You looked around the room again, feeling your eyes welling up with tears in awe at how thoughtful he really could be. He cares.

I bow down to pray, I try to make the worst seem better...

It started out good, amazing even. The first year of your relationship was amazing, you couldn’t recall one fight or bad memory you had with Tyler within the first year of your relationship. Unfortunately, it went downhill after that. Starting with small stuff like missing out on important dinners with your family and progressing to missed birthdays and anniversaries. Let’s not forget the attachment he has to his phone, of course everyone is a little attached, but Tyler was different. You couldn’t help but notice how it was always going off or how he moved into different rooms to answer phone calls. You were exhausted and always giving him the benefit of the doubt. Always defending him. Always making the same excuses for him. Always lying for him. 

You’ve battled with your friends and family about how Tyler was worth staying for. They all hoped one day you would realize what was right in front of you and do something about it. But you knew deep down. You convinced yourself the one reason was always enough compared to the millions reasons, you never let yourself admit how wrong it was. It was toxic, you knew it, hell even he knew it. 

He told you how much he cared and loved you, but even if he did mean those words or anything he told you. It was always going to be hard to fathom which parts you could even believe. Tyler gave you about a million reasons to leave him. But he always gave you one reason to stay.  

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tagging some hockey peeps: @fav-imagines @stargazingstarkey @jmaybanks @brock-mcginny @bookoftenderthoughts @stfukie​