#i just wish people would stop following things blindly

[baronessblixen]

https://www.tumblr.com/baronessblixen/715686074901528576/a-lot-of-people-actually-criticize-her-new-gspot She worked with a drinks expert who has spent 40 years in the business so it's not like she hasn't done this legitimately. And tbh a huge amount of celebrities these days are into creating their own products, whether it be perfumes, face creams, make-up, or a wine range, or clothing line. It's more common than not. And if it doesn't interest you, just scroll by. No one, literally no one, is forcing you to care.

Yes, I know many celebrities are doing it. Look at Gwyneth Paltrow and Goop. That doesn't mean I have to like it. In fact, if I remember correctly, I recently mentioned how much I disliked this in reply to another anon.

Anon, I did scroll by. I reblogged exactly one post because what Gillian said was relatable. Other than that I haven't posted anything about it. I answered an ask about it - on my blog - where I expressed my opinion on the matter. Again, on my blog.

[eroscomet]

Make it Right

Chapter one- Love returned

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Pairing: Astrid Deetz x Fem!Ghost!reader

Context: Astrid and you have been dating two years before a tragic accident happened to you, ending your life. She spends a year alone somehow trying to contact you from the living as you're in the afterlife. When finding that all of her attempts are futile, she turned to her mother's ability but was quickly reminded of how her mother "somehow" could never see the people Astrid wished to see the most.

Warnings: Probably bad writing (I'm sorry), Death

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: I'm not so much familiar with tumblr other than reading. I'm not much of a writer either, this would be like the first piece I post ever. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, I will correct as many as I see. Also, my brain was a bit foggy when remembering the new Beetlejuice Beetlejuice movie so if there's a mistake in that too, I'm sorry. Other than that, I hope you guys enjoy. I have been heavily inspired by many other amazing writers and I hope I really do capture all of the characters as correctly as I can. Also, I'm not expecting this series to blow up, i'll add another chapter if I see many people interact with this one.

╰┈➤Series Masterlist

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Letʼs be honest, Astrids life was definitely not one that usually someone finds themselves in. A ‘psychicʼ mother, who Astrid believes makes things up, an artist grandmother who seems to be an emotional wreck now that her husband is dead, and finally, a father who she no longer has. Astrid couldn't recall the last time her life was stable, from the beginning it had always be something with her family.

Now, with the passing of her grandfather and her mother suddenly marrying her manager who she is blindly following and clearly not seeing how he exploits her. She finds her world completely upside down and the one time she finds someone who makes her feel at least a bit normal, the universe seems to keep taking any form of normalcy from her. Once upon a time, it had been you and Astrid. The one person who kept her head straight as her world span.

Granted, you didn't come from the perfect family either but you always had found a way to excuse their actions despite Astridʼs constant nagging about your family and their almost pertinacious attitudes.

Your mother, a woman who almost seems to so desperately want to fit in with the women of the neighborhood. Your father who loved his image and his family's image. Your older sister who was always trying to somehow one-up you. Your family cared about the big things, you always found yourself content with the small things. You had always excused their behaviors with simple statements like,

“That's just how they are.” or, “No family is perfect.”

Astrid would cave eventually to your excuses but not with good attitude. Now remembering it, it felt like such a close but distant memory. It had only been a year, almost two, of your passing and yet Astrid finds herself dug in a hole the universe seemed to only bury her deeper in. Every memory had been bittersweet. Between every laugh shared, smiling in the middle of kisses, comforting smells theyʼd grow to find solace in, compliments, listening to music together, there had also been disagreements, comforting each other about things that neither of them had caused or been involved in, emotional damage, and trying to balance finding middle ground in each otherʼs crazy lives.

A year.

The thought of it makes Astrid almost wince, thoughts that seemed to be never ending and had loose ends. Why wasn't she there? She had always thought to herself. Why didn't she stop you? Questions to be left unanswered now that you were gone and she had no one to turn to. She had gone to her mother, who she had never believed was a ghost whisperer or paranormal insighter as everyone saw her, practically begging to have her somehow see you, hear you, feel you. But, like every attempt, they were once again futile.

This had made her more angry with her mother. First, she couldn't see her father and now she can't see you. Why is that every time she needs her mother to see a certain ghost for her, she never can but for others she can? It all felt stupid to her, how could people believe her mother?

Astrid found herself visiting Winter River frequently despite not liking staying with her grandmother and mother, especially when that daft man her mother called a “boyfriend” was around. She saw right through his act of the ‘caring, loving, and supportive’ boyfriend. Yet, she felt like she was the only one who could see that. How could someone propose to someone on the day of their father's wake?! She disliked the town, even more the people who foolishly believed her mother “abilities” to see paranormal phenomenons.

Yet, there she had spent most of her free time at the town during spring, summer, and winter break. Her relationship with Winter River had always been horrible yet she couldn't bring herself to say that she hated it there. How could she say that when it was this very same town that she had met you?

Standing there once again, in front of a grave that she became all too familiar with. Yours. It was almost comical how your parents had practically milked your death with every ounce they could get from it. Parading around the town, almost as if making it an excuse to gain from. They had quickly became the family in which everyone had gone to support when you had died. People would constantly go to your home, try to show their support, bring gifts even. Your parents loved every second of the attention.

No surprise that your mother had gained popularity among the women of your neighborhood's community. They only pitied her but masked it with sympathy as your mother would say, “She would've loved to be here” whenever someone had invited her to some so-called ‘important’ event among the other dull rich women. Your father had gotten a raise from his job after your death, again, out of pity of the poor family who had lost their ‘precious’ daughter. Your sister had gotten annoyed about how much you had been the focus after your death. She had expect people to move on after months but now seeing that it has been one, almost two, years of your passing and you being the center of attention, it had made her a bit bitter.

As Astrid stood in front of your grave and the flowers that adorned it, a small half-hearted smile on her lips. Many of the times that she had found herself in front of your grave, though she thought that somehow talking to the dead and getting a response back was stupid, she had always found herself talking out-loud to your grave, hoping for a sign or response that never really came.

“I miss you. Iʼm sorry that I havenʼt visited recently. My grandfather passed away, guess heʼd be with you now, right? Sometimes I wonder if youʼre with my dad or talk to him over there. I know if you were to be listening to me, you'd be rubbing it in my face how I always thought these kinds of things were stupid and now iʼm standing here like an idiot talking to myself and expecting a response from you.”

She smiled to herself as she thought about how youʼd tease her for this. She missed the banter between the two of you, her smile somewhat fading at the empty ache in her heart.

“I wish I could say that I hate you for leaving me here by myself, knowing that life is hard. We were supposed to be going through this life together, though. I wonʼt, I canʼt. I love you and my chest is aching every single day at this back and forth in my mind of memories that we should be looking back at together, happily, and now I just get this bittersweet feeling with the horrible reminder of your death. As much as I don't like it or believe it, I wish I had somehow gained this stupid ability my mother thinks she has.”

Astrids voice had faltered as she felt a frown tugging at her lips and her tears begin to faintly blur her vision. She took a deep breath, pulling herself together as she spoke again.

“I just want you to come home. I know that I always thought it was stupid how you had said ʻhome is where the heart isʼ, but truly I had just felt so bashful to think that someone like me could possibly be someone's home. The statement itself, I had always thought was a bit corny. Now, I find myself saying that I want to go home even while being at home. Funny, huh? You were always such a sap..”

With that and a sad smile, Astrid backed away from your grave. A soft sigh escaping her lips as she once again hoped that you had somehow received her words.

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Hours later, Astrid found herself, once again, in your room. She sneaks in through the window because she hates the idea of having to knock on the front door and have a conversation with your parents. They had been supportive of your relationship, yes, but like everything else, it was for their own personal gain. They had seen how other families were inclusive so they thought if they were too, theyʼd fit in more. Astrid had already known that they wouldn't dare to go into your room.

Your family had always hated the way that you decorated your room with endless posters, music, records and vinyls here and there, you loved your music. It was drastically differently from your sister and parents which preferred a more elegant and clean look. Thatʼs why whenever there were visitors, theyʼd never introduce your room to them. Yet, it was your safe haven and Astrid knew that.

After your death, she had taken it upon herself to take care of your vinyls, CDʼs, record player, and plants, all taken cared of. She felt that it made her feel like you were still here. As if she was staying in your room while you were out and about in the town. Her imagination took her far when it came to making up excuses for your absence rather than accepting the fact that you were dead.

She hummed to herself as she finished watering the last plant in your room. Once she was finished, she had gone over to your records, flipping through each of them, trying to find a song to play. Thatʼs when she had heard a small noise in the room. It was unusual to say the least, no one had ever dared to come into your room, it was just her. She shrugged it off as nothing or simply a noise coming from your window.

Then again, a small noise. The noise of a shoe squeaking from across the room. Her eyebrows had furrowed before she whipped her head around towards the direction of the noise. Upon landing her eyes on your face. She felt as if she was dreaming but it had startled her so that she felt her vision suddenly blacking out. When falling back, all she could remember was the feeling of someoneʼs cold hands catching her.

When Astrid awoke, she found herself lying on your bed despite having passed out almost across the room near your records. She almost dreaded waking up, she could have sworn she had seen you. Was it a dream? Did she make it up in her head because she missed you so much? Her vision blurred a bit before finally focusing, the feeling of a dip in the bed and a cold hand holding hers had startled her.

Quickly, she had shot up and off of your bed. Her eyes finally landing on you who had also shot up on the other side of the bed when she did.

“Where are we going?-” You had began speaking before you were cut off by Astrids loud exclaim.

“What the fuck!”

Your eyes scanned the room, your eyebrows furrowed as you turned around to see if there had been anyone behind you which earned a scoff from the other girl.

“Wait, you can see me now?” You asked as your eyebrows raised and your eyes returned to Astrid across the bed.

“Can I see you? Yeah, the better question is can I believe it? Is this another dream?” Astrid climbed over the bed and flung herself onto you. She clung onto your, now, cold body, that hadnʼt bothered her right now.

“What's the matter? You look like youʼve seen a ghost.” Your arms wrapped around the girl almost protectively, a soft laugh escaping you.

“Not funny.” Her words were flat, but a hint of a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. She almost didnʼt know what to say as she stared at you. She had dreamed of you before, sure, but never like this. This felt too real. Your skin was more pale and less live as she had usually dreamed, your body cold, your chest was stilled, as if not taking air in or out. She hadnʼt noticed her bottom lip quivering or the tears in the corner of her eyes that had began to form.

“Hey, hey... Donʼt get all sappy on me now, iʼve been watching you this whole time! I hope you know that I followed you literally everywhere.” Your hands had gone to cup her cheeks, gently wiping away any tears as they fell from Astrid's eyes.

“Youʼd better have.” She had joked which earned another soft laugh from you. The sound of your laugh - so familiar - seemed to set her off. Her arms tightened around your shoulders as all of the feelings she bottled up over the past few months seemed to just burst out of her.

“I literally watched over you for a whole year. Trust me, I heard every word you were saying to the sky or my grave, hoping I was near to hear you. I was and I canʼt believe you've gotten all sappy, Deetz. You always told me that I was the sap and there you were spilling your guts and hoping my ghost was near.” One of her hands unconsciously moving from her cheek to her back, gently rubbing it.

“They were never one-sided conversations, I was always replying you just couldnʼt hear or see me. I did have some one-sided conversations, though. Like when youʼd be listening to my music or watching a movie and laying on my bed, moping, Iʼd be laid next to you and talk to you. I was always geeking out anyway, you know how I am about my passions.” You added and a snort escaped Astrid.

Her grip on you seemed to tighten as your voice registered in her ears. You were here, you were real.

“I know I sounded like an absolute idiot - I sounded like a broken record begging for you.” Her voice said as she buried her face into your shoulder.

“Come on, I never really left your side, Astrid. I was just hoping the entire time that what you had said about your momʼs ability being fake was real and that you'd somehow gain her ghost whispering abilities. I just wanted you to see me, hear me, feel me. Iʼve been so lonely. Sure, I hang out and laugh with you all the time but I missed actually talking to you and you bantering with me.” A frown tugged at your lips involuntarily.

“You didnʼt sound like a broken record. every word youʼd hope I had heard was beautiful - sappy - but beautiful. Gosh, you donʼt know how horrible it has been watching you cry about me and not being able to do anything about it. My ghosted body was always reaching for you but you wouldn't feel a thing. I promise you, I always held you and trying to do anything I can to get you to seem me but nothing was working.” You added as you buried your face into her shoulder, trying to get impossibly closer to her.

“Iʼm not a ghost whisperer. Don't think youʼre on the loose. I am mad at you, for the record.” Her hands balling the fabric of your shirt between her fist. She inhaled and exhaled deeply - as if your presence was the only thing keeping her grounded at the moment.

“I know, I know. I promise to make it up for the rest of my afterlife. Though, you gotta to admit, you have to believe your momʼs abilities now that you can see me. I know you said you hated the attention that your mom receives for being... Well, her. But they weren't fake after all!” You shook your head with a small laugh.

“Ghost whisperer.” You mumbled with a small smile, her hand immediately smacking you in the back of the head. Which had earned a small, ʻowʼ, from you.

“I donʼt-” She had began saying before her protest had been interrupted by a shuddering breath and a few silent tears falling from her eyes as she held onto tightly.

“I donʼt hate them.” She mumbled before sighing.

“I just-” Again, cutting herself off with a scoff. She wiped her tears as she pulled away from your embrace to scan your face with a soft smile.

“Gosh, I canʼt even remember what I was about to say. Iʼm so happy to see you and i'm a bumbling idiot and-”

“Iʼm so sorry. I've been trying everything, I swear. I even read that stupid ʻHandbook for the Recently Deceasedʼ from cover to cover many times. Only the strange and unusual could ever see me and I tried to reach for your mom but I couldn't for some reason. Slow down, we have so much to talk about.” You said as a frown tugged at your lips again. If you had a beating heart, it would have ached at Astridʼs tears. All you could find yourself doing was trying to make up for the lost time of not being able to comfort her.

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A/N: Hey, guys! I hope you enjoyed it. Should I continue writing this story? There could be multiple parts to this if you guys do enjoy this! Thank you so much for reading! Reqs and or comments, even questions, are all open on my profile! Thank you again! Also, I'd like to add that I understand that in the movie, ghosts are not permitted to leave their area of death or change their clothes. But, for the sake of this fic, let's pretend!

[cheeseceli]

Love wins all

Pairing: Jungkook × Gn!reader (established relationship)

Genre: fluff, comfort, late 40s au, drabble (<1k words).

Prompt: "however big, however small, let me be part of it all. You may be right, you may be wrong, but say you'll bring me along."

Warnings: Both y/n and Jungkook struggle financially, they are married.

A/n: This is a mix of the greatest showman with the notebook (although I never watched the latter) | daily click

"Jungkook, if you let me trip over another rock I swear that I-"

His laugh cut you off, not allowing you to finish your threat towards him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We're almost there, I promise."

"You said that a few times already. I miss the light."

You heard his giggles once again. You loved that sound. It never failed to amuse how, even with all difficulties life presents, your lover always managed to find joy in the little things. Like leading you through the sidewalk when your eyes were covered. That seemed to be bringing a lot of fun to him and, although he still hasn't confessed to you where the destination is, claiming this would ruin the surprise, you trusted him enough to literally follow him blindly.

"But we're getting closer every new step, aren't we?"

"I bet people are staring weirdly at us."

"I wouldn't say that."

Now it was your turn to smile, a lighthearted laugh coming out of your lips "we've been walking down this entire road with you covering my eyes, people would be crazy if they didn't find it weird."

"I really don't think it's that weird. Don't worry about that. Instead, focus on this."

With that, Jungkook slowly took off his hands from your eyes and placed you in front of the destination.

As your eyes got used to light once again, you saw a house in front of you. It was simple: a single floor, rather small, with visible dust and some broken stairs. It seemed abandoned for a while, but it had this cozy charm. It seemed like a lovely house, one you would love to visit given the right circumstances. "Where are we?"

"At our home."

You looked at him, speechless, only to find a quite anxious yet very smiley Jungkook. His eyes shone as you looked at them. "Surprise," he nervously giggled.

"You bought this house?"

"I did. I've told you I'd give you a good life once you married me, hadn't I?" not even once he stopped looking at you, trying to understand your reaction through your glossy eyes "I mean, the house is not very big and it needs some adjustments... A lot of them, maybe. But it's ours."

You couldn't believe it. Not once in your life you would've expected this. When you married Jungkook, you never expected gold nor glory. None of you never even saw it throughout your lives, and you genuinely think that you could die without it as long as you had Jungkook's love.

When your lover told you as a wedding vow that he would do the unimaginable to give you a proper life, you knew he was true to his words. But still, him buying a goddamn house for the both of you was not in your plans. As he promised you, you couldn't have ever imagined it.

And yet, here you are: seeing the man you love the most guaranteeing a home to keep your love safe for the following years, all while looking at you like you are the most precious thing in the place, even when considering the current situation.

You really were at a loss of words, but maybe you kept quiet for too long, as now Jungkook was getting nervous. He didn't plan your silence. He didn't think you would've cried. He wished you had at least smiled a bit. But you were seriously looking at him, tears threatening to spill at any second. Did you not like it?

"I know I should've bought the house with you... It's just that I wanted to make a surprise. If you don't like it, then I can... I don't know, I can come up with something to-" you hugged him. Tighter than you have ever hugged him before, maybe just not comparing to how you embraced him when he proposed.

He then remembers that your reaction at the moment was the same back then: speechless at his will to build a future with you.

"I love it, Kook. I love the surprise. I love the house. I love you."

This time he is the one who couldn't come up with things to say. He could never get tired of hearing you say things like that. So he hugged you tighter, bringing you closer to where his heart beats, maybe in an attempt to keep you and your sweet words with him for longer.

Maybe you would never be rich. Maybe you would never wear brand clothes and live in fancy houses, with expensive cars and food. But you had a home. You had each other. And you could never think of anything else you longed for. Your life was complete, and maybe that was the rarest thing to find, yet you and him did.

Masterlist | you'll probably like: 7:44 pm

Reminder that this is all fiction, this does not represent the members in real life!

Taglist (open!): @yuyubeans @butnotmontana @lelewright1234

Dividers by @adornedwithlight | images 1, 2 and 3

[narryffdreaming]

A TOAST TO THE FUTURE — TWO

Summary: Aurora and Harry used to be friends, but life happened and they grew apart. Now, 6 years later, they meet again.

Rating: +18

WARNINGS: The story contains explicit language and mentions a past abusive relationship (mostly the consequences of psychological/emotional abuse). Some chapters also contain explicit sexual content.

PART TWO: 14,9k words Please read: Part two explores a lot of Aurora's irrational thoughts and it shows how much she struggles to be herself after being married to someone who was emotionally abusive to her. From my perspective, it's a really important chapter to develop the relationship between Aurora and Harry, but I want people to be mindful of its content in case they don't feel comfortable reading about this, or in case it hits too close to them. Feel free to reach out if you want to skip something and you'd like me to fill you in. <3

PART ONE

Despite the line, getting through security would've taken Aurora hardly three minutes. That is, of course, if she hadn't had to wait for Harry for another ten. 

He doesn't look the least apologetic for the held back, though. Nor bothered in the slightest by the extra time he seemingly needed. Smiling at her and holding their shared tray as he tilts his chin to an empty table and leads the way towards it. 

Aurora follows him quietly, checking her watch just to make sure they won't run out of time. And she does it unconsciously, regretting every time she catches herself looking at her wrist. Because she knows they're early. She swears she knows. And she wishes she could relax and just enjoy things without that awful feeling rushing through her body. That feeling that turns into a voice and yells at her that she's constantly behind. 

Behind what, one could ask, and Aurora wouldn't be able to answer.

She's just… Behind. 

Behind, and watching her life go by.

All the damn time.

Harry stops by the table, and Aurora mimics him. She drops her bag and falls on one knee, pulling up the hem of her dress and uncovering her foot. The Nike sneakers she's wearing used to be white once, but now they are just old and dirty, and she loves them even more like this. She nibbles the flesh inside of her bottom lip while tying the shoelaces up, then changes to her other knee, and repeats the process. 

Once she's done, she stands up and pats her legs, getting rid of any airport floor dirt from her clothes. 

"You're fast," Harry says, putting his foot down from the edge of the table. 

Aurora pulls the fabric of her dress up her chest and furrows her brows. "I am?"

"Hm, yeah." He frowns with amusement and chuckles. "You sure are."

"Huh." She wiggles her eyebrows up and down, then quirks the corner of her mouth up. 

Maybe, she should point out that perhaps she isn't fast, but he is too slow. Or that, unlike him, she'd organized everything beforehand so she wouldn't waste any second longer than she absolutely needed to. But what good would that do? Besides, those thoughts don't even feel like hers. They don't sound like hers. 

So she says nothing, instead, and steps closer to where he stands. 

Harry gives the tray they're sharing a gentle push to her side, and puts his other foot up. 

Aurora promptly slides the tray closer to her and places it in front of her belly, next to her bag. 

Great. 

Saying nothing was a bad idea, because silence is awkward now. 

She licks her lips and keeps her attention on their belongings, not knowing exactly what to say. 

Time goes by, though, and the longer she waits, the more awkward it gets. 

So she decides to just say whatever, just to get them talking again. 

"Perks of being a mom, I guess." She blurts out, then grabs their passports and shrugs. "Being fast, I mean." 

Harry leans on his bent knee and looks at her over his shoulder, blindly tying up his own shoes. 

"Yeah? Why's that? You get any super speed powers when you're pregnant or something?"

Aurora freezes for a second, passports still in hand. She turns her head to the side, and narrows her eyes at him.

Harry's soft lips are pursed, his green eyes are twinkling with playfulness, and his cheeks are tinted with a boyish flush under his facial hair. He's clearly having fun with his own silly comment, and it causes Aurora to break into a short laugh — not because it's funny, but because she simply can't help it. 

She shakes her head, and looks back at the tray. 

"I rush to get ready so I can pay attention to Noah, okay?" she explains, grabbing the boarding passes and checking the names on them. She puts hers inside of her passport, and the other inside of Harry's. "It's not a big deal."

She'd never thought about it, but it's the truth — she is usually busy keeping an eye on Noah, even from a distance. The little monster can't stay still for too long, and no matter how much she adores how energetic he is or that she tries her best to let him explore things by himself, the truth is that he's still only four, and she can't leave him wandering around unattended.

Which is why she fought so hard to sign him up for preschool — it gave her time to slow down and do other things, too.

Okay. See? That — that right there — is Aurora's truth. That's a thought that feels and sounds like hers. A thought that she came up with on her own, based on her own experiences and her own mistakes. A thought that reveals how she's learned that taking care of Noah is her responsibility, and that if she doesn't pay attention to her son, nobody does. 

No matter how much she dreamed it would be different.

No matter how much she believed it should be different. 

"Ohhh," Harry says. "Ok, then."

She sticks her passport and boarding pass into the front pocket of her bag, maybe a little bit more forcefully than she needs to.

"Exactly. So don't judge me."

"What?!" Harry laughs, putting his foot down from the table. "I wasn't—" 

"I can't leave my son unattended, can I?"

"I—I know, yeah." His face falls, and he nods. "I get it. That's… It makes sense. Yes." 

"Right. Great." 

A second goes by, and then another one, and another one.

Silence settles again, but this time Aurora isn't worried about it being awkward or not. 

There's just… So much going on. 

Her heart is thumping loudly inside her chest, and her ears are buzzing. 

She shouldn't have snapped at him. 

She shouldn't have snapped at him.

It wasn't about him. 

It wasn't his fault. 

She pinches the tip of her nose and breathes in. Slowly, and steadily. 

One more time. 

Slowly.

And steadily.

And then, she moves again.

She holds Harry's things in her hand and leans on the table, reaching for his bag. Before she touches it, she looks at him over her shoulder and asks, "Do you mind if I open your bag?"

Harry doesn't answer, though. He's tilting his chin down and shaking his leg, making sure his pants are properly covering his ankles. 

Aurora purses her lips and straightens her back, then slides his bag across the table and pulls it closer to her body. 

Now everything's in front of her, the tray caged in between both duffel bags. 

She bites her bottom lip, but it's hard to stop her mouth from turning into a smile. 

Maybe the speed in which she moves isn't an inconvenience, after all. In fact, maybe it even comes in handy, because apparently if she doesn't move for both of them, someone will sooner or later shove them away. 

"Harry," she insists.

"Hm?" He looks up. A frown crinkles his face — his eyebrows are pulled together, his forehead is puckered, and his lips are curled downwards. As soon as he meets her eyes, though, his shoulders drop, and he shakes his head. "Sorry."

He scratches his jaw, dragging his nails over his stubble. 

Aurora stretches her arm, and pats her hand on the edge of the table, where his feet were a minute ago. "It's fine. I was just asking if it's okay to put your passport inside your bag."

"Oh! Yeah yeah, sure. Go ahead. Thanks."

"'Kay," she says, already unzipping the front pocket and putting things away. 

Aurora rolls her shoulders at the same time Harry moves closer, and she unthinkingly snatches his belt from the tray and hands it to him. 

"Here."

"Oh," he murmurs, grabbing it from her fingers. "Thanks."

He steps away, but there's something in his voice that somehow catches her attention, and Aurora turns her head. 

She glances over her shoulder, and peeks at his face. 

Harry is looking down again, chin pressed against his chest while he takes the end of his belt and puts it into the first front loop of his beige pants. His movements are casual, but he's holding back a smile, and Aurora can tell his mind is working on something.

Something silly, to be more specific. 

She curls her mouth up, then raises her left eyebrow. "What?"

Harry tugs his belt, threading it through the second loop. 

"What?" he repeats, and his mouth finally turns into a grin. 

She turns her body towards him, then places one hand on her waist and the other spread open on the table, holding up her weight. "C'mon, out with it."

Harry laughs, slightly bending his knees and throwing his head back. "I didn't even say a word!"

"Well, you didn't have to!" She rolls her eyes and chuckles, backing away from the table to put both hands on her hips. "I can see you're thinking something."

He shakes his head, looking down and threading his belt through the next loop. 

"Harry…"

He peeks at her through the corner of his eyes, then focuses back on his belt. 

"You're aware you can leave me unattended, right?" he asks, keeping a bright smile on his face and the light tone on his voice.

"What?"

"I mean I don't mind." He shrugs, eyes still on his current task. "Gotta admit it's kinda cute to see you like this." 

"I don't—"

"My favorite part was probably when you cleaned up the table."

"I—" Aurora closes her mouth, and exhales through her nose. "You put your feet there, Harry."

"I did, yeah. And you cleaned it up."

"Well, someone has to clean up your mess, don't you think?"

Harry glances at her, and smirks as mischievous and suggestive as he can be. "Oh, I always clean up my mess, love, don't worry about it."

He winks, and Aurora gasps. 

"Oh my God!"

She turns to face the table, feelings her cheeks getting warm. 

Harry laughs, though, so she steps closer to his side and nudges him with her elbow. 

"Shut up."

"'Kay mum."

"Ughhh." She rolls her eyes, then shuts them tightly and takes a deep breath in. "You're so annoying." 

Harry's laughter only grows louder, and Aurora shakes her head, blinking her eyes open again. 

It only takes him a moment to calm down, but the smile is still obvious in his voice when he speaks again. 

"I know. I'm just teasing you, tho. I'll stop now. I promise."

Aurora snorts. "Yeah, right." 

She believes his words as much as she believes Noah when he promises he will eat his entire dinner if he gets to eat dessert first. 

The thought brings a smile to her face, and she bites her lip to hold it back. 

Peeking inside the tray one more time, she finds several rings, a bracelet, a watch, and three necklaces. Her mouth twitches, and her chest trembles with amusement — no wonder why Harry took so much longer than her to get through security.

She pulls the string of her necklace from the tray, takes each side to the back of her neck and quickly clasps it back to its everyday place. Next, she grabs her watch, and puts it on just as fast around her wrist. 

"Well,"  she starts, then looks at him. 

Harry is, once again, deeply focused on his task — his chin touches his chest, his eyebrows are pulled together, and he's biting his bottom lip. 

"All yours now," she adds. 

Harry peeps at her through the corner of his eyes, his hands still attached to his belt as he finally reaches the last loop. He darts his vision to the tray, then back at her, scanning her chest, her wrist, and her hands. "You sure? All of it?"

"Mhmm."

A group of people walks to their table, and Aurora takes a step aside to give them more room.

"Ok." He buckles his belt, then fixes his shirt. "We can go, then."

"Oh. I didn't mean to rush you."

He smiles, putting one hand inside the tray and carelessly collecting everything that's left inside. 

"You didn't." He closes his hand into a fist, then shoves everything inside of his pocket. "It's just getting crowded here. C'mon."

"Hey, was my joke inappropriate?"

Past security and turning right, the hallway is significantly less hectic than any other area Aurora has walked through in the last hour or so. 

It is probably one of the brightest, too. 

"Hm?" she asks, tilting her head to give Harry her full attention. "Sorry, what joke?"

"About… Y'know, cleaning up my mess."

"Ohhh." Aurora laughs, then waves him off. "Please, it's nothing any of you guys haven't joked about before." 

"I know, but… Things are different now, aren't they? Don't want to make you uncomfortable, or, well, don't want to be disrespectful to your hus—"

"You're fine," she says, cutting him off before she'll be forced to either correct him or say nothing, implicitly letting him believe there's still a husband in her life. "Don't worry about it. Let's stop here so you can put your rings back on, yeah?"

She points to one side of the hallway, and walks in front of him to guide the way. It only takes her a few steps, then she places her bag by her feet and turns around. 

When she looks at him, she finds him frowning. 

Frowning and frozen on the spot. 

"Harry, hey!" She raises one hand and wiggles her fingers. "C'mon. I'll help you."

Harry's face softens. He shakes his head, then walks towards her while putting his hand inside of his pocket. 

Leaning against the white wall, Aurora watches him come to a stop right in front of her, then drop all of his jewelry on top of her spread open palm.

"Thank you," he murmurs. 

She finds his sight again, and a smile blooms across her face. "Sure, no problem."

His lips curve into a smile, too, and he looks down. He shakes his head and pulls his hair back, then turns his attention back to the items on Aurora's palms. He seems meticulous about which ring goes where, fiddling with them and hunting for specific ones. Eventually, he grabs three at once, and puts them on his pinky, middle and index left fingers. 

Aurora raises her chin and rests the back of her head against the wall, comfortably watching his relaxed face as he towers over her. 

From what she remembers, jewelry was never Harry's thing. Long hair and skinny jeans? One hundred percent. But the necklaces, the rings, and the bracelets? Those were things she'd no idea he'd be into. Or maybe not to the point of making them part of his casual look to the airport.  

"So," she teases, easing her dry lips with her tongue then forcing her voice to sound exactly like she imagines a reporter would sound like, "Harry, would you say you enjoy wearing rings?" 

Harry darts his eyes to her, and the expression on his face never falters, holding a serious and unamused demeanor as he moves his lips to say, "Bloody hate them."

She presses her lips together, but then she snorts, taking her free hand to cover her mouth. 

Harry shakes his head and grins, changing hands and catching two more rings to put on his right fingers. 

"Why? What's wrong with my rings?" 

She sighs and shrugs, calming down from her brief moment of foolish, silly laughter. 

"Nothing. 'M just teasing you."

He places the last two, and pulls the two golden strings from her palm. 

"Hmm…" Harry nods. He fixes his eyes on the jewelry and frowns, eying the many tiny knots that had formed along the necklaces. "Great, then. Glad you're having fun at my expense."

Aurora drops her jaw.

"You were making fun of me two minutes ago!"

Harry chuckles, although he's distracted by his attempt to untangle his necklaces. "Guess I was, huh."

He shakes his head, and Aurora steps away from the wall, getting closer to him.

"Which wrist do you wear this one?" she asks, lifting her hand and his bracelet.

"Left—I mean, right," he answers, and although they don't look at each other's faces, they both smile at the same time. 

Harry remains focused on the knotted strings between his fingers, but stops moving when Aurora curls one hand around his right wrist and pulls it closer to her face. In one quick movement, she clasps the item around it, then taps his hand twice. 

"All done. Now gimme that." 

She snatches the necklaces from him, and observes carefully before undoing the mess. One of the golden strings is longer than hers, but they're both just as delicate, and instead of a disk, one holds a cross pendant, and the other a tiny, thin tag. She bites her lip and patiently fiddles with the pieces of jewelry, taking her time to unwrap the tiny knots.

Things are quiet. Time ticks without a hurry. And after a minute, or maybe two, or three, she grins proudly, and lifts her chin to look at him.

"Look!" she says, even though she doesn't have to — Harry's already looking at her, already watching her. "I've done it!"

He blinks a couple of times, then nods, slowly mimicking her smile and her excitement. "Y—You did, yeah! Thanks."

"You're welcome." She grabs the longest string, picking each side with one hand, and takes a step closer to him. "I find untangling necklaces weirdly therapeutic." 

Harry widens his eyes. "What are you doing?!" 

Aurora rolls her eyes, and chuckles. "Calm down. I'm not gonna kiss you, don't worry."

"Right. No, yeah, I know that." He chuckles, too. "Of course." 

She stops moving and tilts her head, then raises her hands. "I mean, can I?"

"Wha—" Harry takes a step back. "Kiss me?!"

"Harry!" Aurora shrieks, also taking a step back and away from him. "Oh my God, no!"

She looks at him for a moment, taking in his bulged eyes and raised eyebrows. He looks mortified, and there's so much going on at once that she can't help but burst into laughter — at the misunderstanding, at the look of his face, but also at the terror in his voice. 

She turns away from him, throwing her head back as laughter breaches from her chest. 

"This is… I can't…"

"Sorry," Harry says, "I just—"

Aurora shakes her head, feeling warmth radiating from her chest throughout her entire body. 

"Oh my… Oh my God." She places one hand on her stomach and brings the other to her face, fanning herself while taking a deep breath in through her nose. "You should've… You should've seen your face… Oh God… Harry… You panicked so hard, I just…"

She wipes a tear from under her eye, and takes another deep breath in, working to calm herself down.

"I never… I never thought the idea of kissing me could… Could be that terrifying for someone. Oh God."

Harry sighs. "Auri…"

She turns around, and looks at him with the biggest smile on her face, her body still shaking from laughing. 

Harry isn't happy, though. Or at least he doesn't seem to be. He's narrowing his eyes, and furrowing his brows. His lips are pressed into a hard line, and his forehead is puckered. 

And just like that, Aurora's laughter fades away. 

Shit. 

She's too familiar with that dynamic, so she clears her throat and shakes her head. 

"I'm sorry. I—I know it wasn't funny. I just… I think I haven't laughed this hard in a really long time, so I just… I got carried away, I guess. I'm sorry. But I shouldn't—Sorry." 

"Listen, I didn't—"

"Yeah, yeah. I know." 

Actually, Aurora doesn't know. Of course she doesn't know. She has absolutely no idea what he was about to say, but she doesn't want to talk about it. She's been there before. And she's been there before so many times that her mind and body don't even know how to react any other way. How not to anticipate the humiliation and shame that is about to follow. How not to completely shut off. 

Thankfully, Harry seems to get it, because he nods, grabbing his necklaces from her hand and putting them back inside of his pocket. 

And this time, Aurora doesn't say anything about it, grabbing her bag from the floor and feeling ready to move on.

"Do you mind if we take a look around some of the shops?" Aurora asks, pointing around the World Duty Free and breaking the silence that settled between them for the past few minutes. 

Harry moves slowly next to her, keeping his hands inside of his pockets. "'Course not."

"Thanks." She makes sure to curve her mouth into a smile, then stops at the first shop to take a look at the makeup. 

Things are quiet, but Harry stands right behind her all the time, keeping her company while she brings a lipstick closer to her face to check the color shade, and then following her steps when she moves to a different shelf. 

"Hey," Aurora says, looking over her shoulder, "what's your cologne?"

"Hm..." He scratches his jaw and shrugs. "Depends on the day, I guess."

She nods, then turns to face some nail polish, aiming for the brightest options. 

It's been a while since she's done her nails. She used to love looking at her hands and seeing them colorful and filled with rings, it used to make her feel beautiful and delicate. Feminine. 

Zack used to love it as well, though, and to be honest at some point she stopped doing a lot of things Zack liked. Just because.

"Which one are you wearing today, then?"

"Why?" 

She shrugs. His voice is right behind her, but Aurora doesn't turn around to look at him. 

"'Cause you smell really nice." 

Maybe she could do her nails in Italy… Maybe one of the girls brought something with them. 

Or maybe she could get something herself…

The orange shades look nice…

She sighs, and steps away from the shelf. 

She can't. She shouldn't spend her money like that. She needs to be more careful now, especially since she spent a lot of unplanned money on that trip to Italy. 

She turns her head, wiggling her eyebrows at him. "So…?" 

Harry clears his throat. "Uh… Well… It's Guerlain."

Aurora twirls, holding her bag close to her body as her hair and dress follow her brisk movement.

"Cool! Let's find it, then." 

She walks away, and Harry's low chuckle echoes behind her. 

Although she can't see him, she feels his presence all the time, following her pace.

"What for?" he asks. 

"I don't know." She shrugs, looking from one side to the other. Scanning all the tiny duty-free shops. "I'm bored, I'm tired… Oh! There it is!" 

Her pace quickens, and so does Harry's.

Aurora only stops when she's in front of the Guerlain shelves, and then she turns around, staring at him with a smile on her face and pointing her arm to the many colognes displayed behind her. 

"Which one is yours?"

He clears his throat, and— 

Wait, is he blushing? 

Aurora purses her lips, holding herself back from laughing.

"It's L'Homme Idéal Extrême."

"Hmmm." She wiggles her eyebrows, and pulls one corner of her mouth up in a smirk. "Sounds sexy…" 

"Jesus Christ," Harry grunts, hiding his face behind both of his hands and shaking his head. 

Aurora laughs at his reaction, tapping his shoulder twice before turning on her feet and looking for his cologne. 

"What happened to you in the States, huh?" She leans down, squinting to read the names. "Never thought I would see Harry Styles getting all shy in front of me."

It takes him a moment to answer, but eventually he mumbles, "I've always been shy in front of you."

Aurora pauses for a moment, replaying his words in her mind. Images of them hanging out together pop up immediately — at the pub, at someone's apartment, after class, over the weekend. His cheeky glances, touchy hands and bold comments are always present, one way or another. He always craved attention, and people had no problem granting his wishes. 

It never bothered her, because he was young and had just joined university, but it certainly didn't paint him as a shy and reserved person. 

A snort leaves her mouth. "Yeah, right." 

She stands, and puts her hands on her waist. "What was the sexy name again?"

"L'Homme—" He sighs. "It's this one."

Aurora turns around, only to find Harry standing in the same place they were a minute ago. The shelf next to him is filled with bottles of the same cologne. Apparently, his cologne.

She gasps. 

"Harry!" She walks towards him, and Harry shakes his head in soft laughter, scratching the back of his neck. "I was standing right next to it and you didn't tell me!"

"It's just a very common cologne, Auri." He laughs, again. It sounds kind of shaky, though, and she frowns, stopping on her track. "I don't… Why are we looking for it?"

Uh… 

Well… To be honest… She doesn't have an answer for that. 

She doesn't know why they're looking for it. She is just joking. She just wanted to pass the time because she is exhausted, and because the longer she spends around people, the more afraid she is of falling apart at any moment. She thought maybe she could try it on, see if his cologne would smell as well on her skin as it smelled on his… Who knows… She was just… She wasn't thinking, okay? She was just being her stupid self.

Harry, on the other hand, isn't just messing around. Harry looks actually nervous. 

Her jokes are making him nervous. 

She is making him uncomfortable. 

In the middle of an airport, filled with people. 

Shit.

And she's done it twice now. 

First with the necklace… Now with the cologne… 

Fuck.

How many more times till he reaches his breaking point? 

How many more times till she finally pushes him through the edge? 

How many more times till she puts him in a position where he won't be able to stop himself from snapping at her?

Her hands shake, and her stomach quivers. 

"Yeah, no, I mean…" She shakes her head and smiles at him, closing her hands into fists and placing them behind her back. "You're right. Sorry. I—I'm really sorry. Hm… I think I… I should get a coffee."

Harry flinches his head back. "Wait  what?"

"Coffee. It'll keep me awake." She walks around him, and Harry follows her movements. 

"Auri, but what… Hey! What about my cologne?"

She waves it off. "Yeah, I know. I was just being annoying." 

She moves towards the exit of the duty-free, where all the departure gates are, and another yawn breaks through her lips. 

"Yep." She chuckles. "Definitely need some coffee."

"Auri," Harry calls, catching up with her. "Hey, stop. C'mon. Something just happened."

"What do you mean?" Aurora laughs. 

She flexes her fingers, curling and uncurling them. Her eyes wander around the airport, looking for a coffee shop. 

A coffee shop. 

A coffee shop. 

She needs a coffee shop. She needs to get herself together. She needs to busy herself with something before she does something silly and stupid again. 

"I… I don't know. Why did you change your mind?"

Harry walks next to her, and she offers him a smile. 

"About what?"

"What do you mean about what? About my cologne, Auri!"

Aurora flinches.

"Sorry. Yeah, no, right. The cologne. Yeah. I just… I made you uncomfortable and I was being childish. Sorry."

"I wasn't uncomfortable, Auri, I just—"

"I know."

"Auri, no, listen—" 

"Harry." She turns around and smiles, then places one hand on his elbow. "It's fine. You don't need to explain yourself. I just… I really, really need a coffee right now. I haven't slept all night, so… Yeah. I'd just like to get a coffee. If you don't mind."

She lets go of his elbow, and Harry sighs. 

"Ok, yeah. Let's get you some coffee, then."

They walk forward, side to side, and Harry speaks again. 

"Do you still drink caramel coffee?"

Aurora widens her eyes. 

"Wow… That's back from… Well, a long time ago."

It's small, and kind of timid, but Harry smiles, and then shrugs. "Used to get you one at least once a week, didn't I?"

"You did, yeah." She smiles back at him and nods, then faces forward again. There's a coffee shop only three stores ahead, and it seems to be already open. Thank God. "To be honest I can't remember the last time I had one. I drink plain black coffee now."

Harry nods, and they both walk in silence, side by side — always side by side.

It shouldn't be uncomfortable, but Aurora's chest is heavy, and her mind seems foggy. 

Truth be told, she thought she would have more time before she started disappointing her friends, before letting them know how much she's changed and how uninteresting she's become.

Meeting Harry at the airport got in between her plans, though. And she could feel herself breaking little by little each second. Having to face the memories of someone she used to be, someone she liked to be, but also someone she isn't anymore. And someone she can't be anymore. 

Looking at her feet, she bites the inside of her lip. She was acting like a child at the duty-free, wasn't she? Jumping around, excited about his cologne… 

God. She hasn't even left the country yet, and she's already ruining things. 

She needs to control herself. 

She isn't a teenager anymore. She can't embarrass him. She doesn't want to embarrass him. 

"Do you want something to eat?" Harry asks, and she stops walking.

They're in front of the coffee shop, but Aurora wouldn't have realized if it weren't for him.

She shakes her head. "No, I'll just get myself a coffee."

"Let me get it for you."

What?

She takes a step back. "Absolutely not."

Harry's smile falters, but he doesn't give up. "C'mon… Like the old times! Yeah?"

"No, Harry. I mean, thanks, but no. I can pay for mine."

"I know you can pay for yours, I don't—"

"Please." She shakes her head and looks down to the floor. "It's just a silly coffee. I can get it for me. Okay?"

Harry frowns. 

"Ok? Yeah." 

Aurora nods, looks at the shop, then back to the floor. "Are you getting anything?"

"No, I'll just wait here."

"Okay," she whispers, forcing a smile before turning around and walking away.

It's crazy to see how much Harry has changed.

That's all Aurora can think about while she stands in line and watches him type on his phone. 

He's still outside, waiting for her, and seems deeply engaged with his conversation, frowning while his fingers move rapidly. 

No more black skinny jeans, no more vintage t-shirts or Chelsea boots. No more curls that are longer than her own hair. No more thin shoulders nor skinny arms. 

His baggy pants — wide legged, high-waisted — are beige, his cute shoes are yellow, and she still can't get over the flamingo shirt he's wearing.

He looks older, too. Brooding features, chiseled cheekbones, growing stubble. His face is perfectly carved, his traces have hardened, and there is something very manly about the way he stands there, focusing on typing on his phone. 

It isn't just his physical appearance, though. He acts like a grown-up, too. There's something about the way he simply exists that screams how much he's changed. You would never tell the man standing outside is the same boy who used to make stupid bets with his roommates from uni. But it's clear that Harry isn't a boy anymore, and that he's turned into a man.

And Aurora wasn't prepared to deal with that. 

Aurora lowers her chin and rubs her eyes.

She is being ridiculous. 

Why would she need to be prepared for that? 

Of course Harry grew up! How old is he now, anyway? 29? 30? Of course he isn't the same anymore. 

She should focus on how nice it is to see him again, not about stupid things. 

Who would've thought she would actually meet him at the airport? Who would've thought they'd end up sharing the flight? Standing in line with him, hopefully getting some seats next to each other… She should appreciate having a friend by her side. That's all. 

Aurora can't remember why he stopped hanging out with the group, though, and now she can't stop thinking about it. She has absolutely no idea about anything that could be going on with his life. It was as if Harry had grown more and more distant with time, until he wasn't there at all.

She's still pretty sure the last time she saw him was at her and Zack's wedding. She remembers someone telling her he'd moved to the United States, but why wasn't she at his graduation? It didn't make sense. Especially considering how, around a year later, he was kind enough to send them a basket when Noah was born.

They weren't the closest friends, and they were in very different stages of their lives when they met, sure, but they were part of the same group, and she used to have a soft spot for him. Just like she used to have a soft spot for Niall. 

Usually, when they were all at the pub, everyone would leave and the three of them would stay behind, chatting and laughing until Aurora felt her lids closing by themselves and they would walk her home. They both used to make her laugh all the time, and she actually loved spending those moments with them. 

Until she met Zack, of course, and then she started spending her nights with him. 

Maybe that was it. Maybe it wasn't about him. Maybe she had grown more and more distant, until she wasn't around anymore. At all.

She knows it's something she's done with everyone else, at least. The girls would knock on her door from time to time, though, and she couldn't run from everyone whilst living in the same city, but Harry flying overseas was a different situation. So it makes sense they didn't keep up with their friendship. 

It makes sense, but it still bothers her. 

It bothers her because she forgot how easy, and fun, and electrifying it was to be around him. She forgot how affectionate, attentive, kind, and friendly he was. She forgot how spontaneous and cheerful she used to be with him. She forgot how much she enjoyed his carefree and easygoing way of looking at life. She forgot… 

Well, to be honest, it's like she just forgot about him. 

And how could she forget about him?

Harry used to be such a great friend. 

Just like Niall. 

But somehow different. 

Because there's something about the way Harry looks at her that she never found in Niall's eyes. It has something to do with Harry's curiosity, probably. How much he cares about details. How he likes to know more about people, about things, about everything. 

"Next?" the lady behind the counter shouts.

Aurora shakes her head, and darts her eyes away from Harry. 

She has no idea how much time she just spent staring at him. She didn't even notice she was doing it, to be honest. And she can only hope he didn't notice, as well.

The woman behind her taps her shoulder.

"That's you, miss," she says. 

Aurora widens her eyes and steps forward.  "Oh, yes, sorry… Hi!" 

Their flight is delayed. 

Aurora laughs, and rubs her fingers on her forehead. 

"And I was worried I'd be late," she murmurs.

They've been hanging out by their gate for at least half an hour now. Harry sits next to her, their bags placed together on his opposite side. He's leaning back comfortably, arms crossed on top of his abdomen and legs spread open in front of him. 

He nudges her arm with his elbow, then asks, "What was that?"

She shakes her head and waves him off with one hand, then double taps her phone with the other, lighting up the screen. 

It's 6:30. 

Noah should be waking up by now. Or at least Zack should be trying to wake him up. 

She unlocks her phone and opens up the app to text him. She takes a deep breath in, and her fingers hover the screen. She needs to be careful with her words, because she doesn't want him to think she doesn't trust him with Noah. That would be unfair with him. And it's not even about that. Of course it's not! She knows Noah's safe with his dad. She swears she never questioned him as a father. Whatever happened between them as a couple would never change the fact that Zack loves Noah to death. 

Aurora knows that. Really! The only reason why she wants to know how they're doing is because Noah has never woken up at his dad's new place, and because she knows what a long and emotional process it can be to wake him up. That's all. 

She bites her bottom lip, and types the same questions again and again, until she's happy with the way she's phrased them.

Hii! 

How are you guys doing?

How was Noah's first night over there? Did you guys have fun?

She sends the messages, and reads them over. And over, and over. 

That was good, wasn't it? She sounded friendly, right? She wasn't attacking him, right? He wouldn't be mad at her, right?

"I'll be right back," Harry says, getting up from his seat. He moves past her quickly, looking at his own hand and sliding his finger through the screen of his phone before taking it to his ear. "Hey… Yeah, I know… No, you listen to me…"

Harry doesn't sound happy — at all — and Aurora frowns. She watches him walk away, blending between people, then glances back to her phone.

No signs of Zack yet. Which is fine. Of course. It's not even been a minute. Actually, Aurora is usually so absorbed by Noah in the mornings that she doesn't check her phone until she drops him off at preschool. So it's fine. Really.

Hopefully he'll be able to make him have breakfast by 7:15, though. Otherwise they won't get there on time. Should she remind him of that? No, that's stupid. Zack is not stupid, and she always drives him insane for reminding him of the obvious little details. 

Maybe he won't even take him to preschool. Maybe he'll drive him over to his parents, instead. 

Or maybe she should just trust him. Maybe this would be the time he'd follow through with a promise he'd made.

Another yawn sneaks up on her. She slides down on her seat and rubs her eyes with the palms of her hands. 

Maybe she should accept Harry's offer and take a quick nap on his shoulder. She brushed the idea off minutes ago, but now she can't deny it sounds really tempting. 

God… How is she supposed to spend two days on a yacht? She's never been on one before. She also hasn't been around all her friends in a very long time… 

Is she going to be able to interact with them? Because if they're expecting her to act the same way she used to before getting married… Well, they'll be extremely disappointed.

The only thing about Aurora that'll resemble those old days are the clothes Maddie packed for her. 

Shit. Oh shit. Oh… Fuck! Her clothes. No, no, no. Shit! She is going to kill Madison. 

She can't wear all those clothes in front of Harry! There is no fucking way she'll walk in front of him in a bikini, or wearing those silk and backless dresses. There is absolutely no fucking way she's going to wear those tops that almost don't cover her breasts in front of him. 

Well, not just in front of him, of course…

She's thinking about Harry because he's the one with her right now, but she doesn't want to wear those clothes in front of anyone. Not just him. 

It isn't even about the people, really. It's about her body. A body that has changed a lot through the years. 

Oh, boy… She needs to sleep. She can't start spiraling about how unsexy she's been feeling for years. It's not the moment for that. It's not what the weekend is about. 

"Are you sleeping with your eyes open?" Harry's low and deep voice sounds right next to her ear, and Aurora jumps on her seat. 

Harry chuckles behind her, then makes his way around her seat. 

"Shit," she murmurs, taking her hand to her chest, but a shaky laugh still leaves her mouth. "You scared me."

He stops in front of her and furrows his brows, then tilts his head to the side and curves his mouth into a cheeky smile, narrowing his eyes to look at her. 

"What?" she asks. 

He doesn't move, though. 

And he also doesn't stop staring at her. 

Aurora shifts on her seat. 

But the staring still doesn't stop.

"Harry!" She chuckles, and looks away. 

And he still doesn't even flinch.

Oh, c'mon! That's ridiculous. 

It's like going back to university, honestly. He used to do the same when they were younger, usually at a pub or a club. He would stare at her like that until she stumbled over her own words, or until she forgot what she was about to do. He thought it was hilarious, but she never understood the point of it. 

"Knock it off, will ya?" She crosses her arms on top of her chest and rolls her eyes. "I was just thinking."

Harry (finally) laughs, face lighting up again — with dimples and wrinkles and almost fully-closed eyes.

He moves his arm, and puts a paper cup in front of her face. 

Aurora snaps her brows together.

"Sorry, love, I was just testing my skills," he says.

Aurora flinches her head back.

Why is he shoving that cup in her eyes? 

And also… "What skills?"

He shrugs. "Y'know, to rile you up just by looking at you." 

Harry presses his lips together, as if he can't wait to burst out laughing.

And Aurora knows that face, because Noah does the exact same thing. The cheeky little monster loves to surprise her, but he can never hold up a lie. He gives out the entire thing just by looking at her with the same excitement on his face. 

They honestly look the same. Except Noah is only four, and Harry a thirty-year-old man.

"Ha ha," she mocks him, looking away from his silly face. "You and my four-year-old son would be great friends."

"Aww!" Harry takes his seat next to her, chuckling and throwing an arm around her shoulders to pull her closer to his side. "I'm sure we would." 

She rolls her eyes. 

Harry squeezes her cheek against his chest, and she's so close to his body that she can smell the soap and cologne emanating from his skin. He smells good. Like a fresh shower. It's a nice combination, something both strong and smooth at the same time.

Shit.

She pulls away, and shakes her head. 

"It wasn't a compliment," she murmurs. 

Harry chuckles.

"Yeah, I'm aware of that." He withdraws his arm from around her shoulders and takes it back to his side, then puts his hand back in front of her face. The one holding a paper cup. "Now, this is for you."

Aurora raises her eyebrows. 

"And what's this supposed to be, exactly?" 

"Just try it." 

She doesn't make any movement to acknowledge his request, but Harry also doesn't make any movement to hint he'll stop shoving the cup on her face. Eventually, she sighs, and her entire body falls. 

"Harry…" 

"Oh, c'mon! Just a sip. Amuse me, yeah?"

Aurora glances at his hand, then back at his face. She presses lips together, then finally uncrosses her arms and lifts one of them to reach the cup, curling her fingers around it. 

For the sake of not ruining her mood, she ignores the way he cheers, or how he grins proudly before leaning his back against the backrest of his seat. She simply clutches the cup between both hands, instead, and its warmth is a high contrast with her cold skin. She can't help but hum at the feeling, and then she shivers, even her chin trembling a little. 

A timid chuckle escapes from her mouth, and she closes her eyes. She brings the cup up to her face and puts her nose close to the lid, breathing the flavor in. 

And just like that, her chest tightens. 

The smell is unmistakable, a combination between coffee and caramel that she would recognize anywhere, anytime. 

She blinks her eyes open, and turns her head to look at him. 

Harry is watching her attentively, without any traces of amusement or playfulness surrounding him anymore.

Aurora blinks a couple of times, gathering enough strength to ask him, "Did you… Did you get me a caramel coffee?" 

He nods once, only one side of his mouth lifting up. "Yeah."

She looks back at the cup in her hands, and blinks again. 

"Why?"

"I don't know," he says, softly. "Intuition, maybe. I know you already had your black coffee, but I… I don't know. I felt like you needed it? I don't know. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, it sounds stupid. Is that okay? Hope I didn't—"

She nods rapidly — unable to speak, but also desperate for him to stop explaining himself. 

And thankfully, he does. 

Aurora doesn't know what to say about it, though. She doesn't even know if there's anything she can say about it. 

His words don't sound stupid to her. That's for sure. The thing is that Harry doesn't understand the meaning his gesture actually holds, which scares her. He was able to pick up on something she needed when she wasn't brave enough to admit it to herself in the first place. And it was something so trivial… It was just coffee. Coffee.

"Noah does that sometimes, y'know," Aurora murmurs, looking at the mass of people in front of them. She hunches down a bit, not bothering by her awful posture as she comforts herself with the hot beverage in between her hands. Changing the subject is the only way she knows how to answer him right now, so she keeps going. "Sleeping with his eyes half open. It freaks me out."

Harry hums.

"There's a name for that, isn't it?" 

His voice is as soft and calm as before, and Aurora nods.

"Yeah, nocturnal something… I don't know. I always forget the stupid word." She rolls her eyes, and a humorless laugh leaves her mouth, making her body shake. "How do people even choose these names, huh? Why bother naming it if it's gonna be some ridiculous word no-one can even pronounce?"

"That's… Yeah, I don't know. You have a point, though."

"Sorry," she whispers, looking down at her lap. "Zack drives me insane using all those terms all the time. Makes me feel stupid."

Harry doesn't say anything, but for once the silence between them doesn't feel uncomfortable. 

She exhales the frustration out of her body, taking the cup to her mouth and sipping carefully in case it burns her tongue. 

The coffee touches her lips, and its sweetness automatically invades all of her senses. Her tongue tastes the caramel, and there's something bitter behind it, but it is mostly mellow and buttery. Just like she remembers it. 

And just like that, she's remembering all of it. 

She's flooded with memories from the comfort of home, and about the fun of living. Memories with simpleminded thoughts and unpretentious actions. 

She's back to a place where she isn't scared of speaking her mind all the time, where she isn't afraid of letting people down by her silly behavior, where she isn't terrified of her personality being the embarrassment of those around her. She's back to a place where she knows her friends and family like her for who she is, and where she's proud of her because of that. 

She's full of affectionate touches, sincere words, and genuine feelings.

There's confidence inside her, and an entire world she's willing to find out. 

And when she finally gulps down the simplest sip of caramel coffee, warmth takes over her throat. It reverberates through every inch of her body, and she shivers — her body filling with goosebumps as she closes her eyes to the paradoxical feeling. 

A moment passes, and the weight of a soft textured fabric lands on her back.

"Before you say anything," Harry's deep voice murmurs next to her, and she opens her eyes to look at him. "I'm not wearing it. And it's driving me insane seeing you so cold, so please just wear it."

Aurora glances at her shoulders, finding Harry's checked jacket covering her skin. It feels good, and it feels warm. And she actually doesn't mind it. At all. But there's something about the way Harry has just talked to her that flies directly into Aurora's heart. 

Maybe it's the softness of his voice. Or maybe how worried he sounded. Or maybe the fact that he seems to pay attention to her. Or maybe just because he acts as if he knows her so well. Even after so many years without talking to her. Or seeing her.

Or maybe it's just because she's already on edge because of the damn caramel coffee he bought especially for her.

She doesn't know exactly what it is, but something in his words triggers her into instantly tearing up. She can't help the overreaction, and before she can figure out a way to hide it, the evidence of her crying falls down her cheek, and she's taking a hand up to wipe it off her.

"Auri, hey…" 

Harry's hand lands on her back. The last push she needs to turn into an emotional wreck. A sob bursts out of her chest, and she covers her mouth. Oh my God. 

"Auri, love, I'm sorry… Did I… I can get the jacket back, I didn't—"

She shakes her head and puts the coffee between her thighs, then takes both hands up to her face. She uses her palms to wipe down the tears from her cheeks, and a long and shaky sigh leaves her mouth. 

Harry takes the cup from between her legs, putting it down on the floor before shifting closer to her. His knees bump into the side of her thigh, and the hand that isn't on her back brushes softly her jaw, getting rid of another tear.

"I'm… I'm sorry," she whispers. "You're fine. You didn't… You didn't do anything wrong."

The last thing she wants is for him to see her like that. They haven't seen each other for so long… She doesn't want to welcome him back to her life with tears and drama. She also doesn't want him to feel guilty about something that has nothing to do with him. 

"Ok…" He sounds wary, and while one hand rubs circles on her back, the other grabs her hand. "What's going on, tho? What can I do to help?" 

Once again, Aurora shakes her head. "I'm… I'm fine. I think I'm just… I'm  just exhausted from not sleeping last night."

It isn't a lie, but it also isn't the truth. She doesn't want to admit how lonely she constantly feels, because she wants to learn how to be alone. It doesn't make sense to ask for help when all she wants is to learn how to not need help.

"Why didn't you sleep?" 

"It's nothing. Really… Don't worry about me, I'm just being dramatic right now."

He strokes his thumb up and down on the back of her hand, and Aurora sighs, leaning into the warmth of his jacket. 

Warmth. Apparently that's all she craves now. 

"Of course I worry about you, Auri. And I'm here if you need anything, ok?" 

She nods, but his care for her brings another wave of tears, and she hides behind one hand while the other holds tightly onto him. 

"C'mere," he murmurs, dragging the hand on her back to her shoulder and pulling her to his chest. 

She can't believe the amount of times she's been hugged by him in merely a couple of hours, but she doesn't fight him. In fact, she does quite the opposite: she snuggles into him and cries quietly. And when Harry squeezes her shoulders, she squeezes his fingers in response. 

"Talk to me, love, please. What's going on?"

She sniffs. "Nothing…"

He rubs her arm, softly and tenderly, then carefully adds, "I don't wanna force you, but I can tell something's up and I'm worried about you."

Aurora shakes her head, feeling the desperation in her body slip out of her mouth as she cries to him. "Please don't... I don't want… I don't wanna worry you, ok? I really don't. I don't want to bother you. I'm just… Overreacting. I'll be fine. I'll be—"

"Auri, that's not—"

"Yes. Yes it is. It's just—"

"Stop doing that," he says, squeezing her shoulder. "You keep shutting me off every time I try to explain myself."

"Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I swear. I'm sorry—"

"Auri—

"—I'm so sorry—"

"—It's okay—"

"—I really am—"

"Auri, hey!" He pulls back, grabbing her shoulders with both hands and forcing her to look at him. His eyes are warm and caring as he stares inside hers, but there's a frown all over his face that screams something different. Annoyance, perhaps? Or maybe… Frustration? "Listen to me. It's fine, ok? There's no need for you to apologize. It's fine."

She squeezes her eyes shut, shaking her head. "No…"

"Yes, it's fine, Auri."

"It's not—"

"Yes—" 

"No!" Aurora opens her eyes, but tears quickly blurry her sight. She blinks, and before she knows it, she's fully sobbing and crying again. "It's not fine! Ok?! I'm not… I'm not fine, Harry. I'm not! I'm falling apart and I just… It's like I can't stop… And I just… I hate it, ok? I really do… I keep letting everyone down. And I… Fuck… I have no idea how… How am I supposed to spend the entire weekend…. The entire weekend pretending my life isn't a mess right now? I just… I can't… I can't pretend… I'm not… I can't…"

There's only a beat of silence before Harry pulls her into his chest again, squeezing her shoulders while he takes a long, deep, and heavy breath in. Then exhales loudly through his nose. 

"I don't know what's going on with your life right now," he says softly, resting his chin on the top of her head and closing his eyes while she sobs into his chest. "And I know I haven't been around, but I'm here for you, ok?" 

And just like before, Aurora melts into him. She hugs his waist, and leans against his body despite the uncomfortable and public position they're in. Crying all the tears she's been holding in so far. Silently sharing with him all the hurt, the doubts, and the insecurities she's been feeling. All the blaming, the questioning, and the yelling she's been hiding. Letting him absorb the wreck she is turned into after six years of marriage. All the failures. All the mistakes. All the countless "should've done better", and also "should've tried harder".  She lets it all out. With no hold backs, nor regrets.

"And you don't have to pretend, Auri," he adds. "At least not to me. Not even a little bit. Never… Why would you even pretend, huh? I can't be there for you if you don't let me know your life's a mess, and I want to be there for you. You know I do, yeah?"

Aurora can't answer him, not when her body's turning everything inside her into tears and sobbing, but he doesn't seem to be waiting for any words. Nor reactions. He rubs her back gently, while still holding her tightly, and then just keeps talking. 

"Besides, I don't expect anything from you, so—I mean, wait… That's not—Shit. That didn't sound good."

And despite everything, despite all the pain and all the tears and all the fears, a soft and low chuckle escapes from Aurora's chest. 

"That came out wrong… It's not—It's not what I wanted to say. Because of course I expect things from you, like… You're brilliant. You're amazing. You can do amazing things if you want to, ok? I know you can. What I meant is that—That there's no pressure, y'know? That's all. And that no matter what you do or what you say, nothing will change... I mean, I haven't been around, but you don't have to pretend things are good if they aren't, y'know? I'll be your friend even if… I don't know… Even if everything's falling apart… Actually, I want to be there especially when everything's falling apart, ok? So yeah, I just—Jesus Christ." He sighs. "Fuck. Auri please tell me you know what I'm trying to say here because I'm just freaking myself out right now."

Aurora's chuckle turns into laughter, and she nods against his chest, taking one hand up to her face to wipe off the last few tears. 

"I do, yes." She clears her throat, trying to get rid of some of the scratchiness. "Relax. I got it from the beginning." 

Harry smiles and sighs again, squeezing her shoulders. "Could've said something, huh? Stop me there. Save me the embarrassment, maybe?"

"You said I kept cutting you off when you tried to explain yourself, so…" Aurora shrugs. 

"Ohh, I see. Okay." Harry laughs. "We should work on your timing, then. Smartass."

She smiles, and sniffs. "My timing's perfect. It was cute, and I was having fun."

"Of course you were."

Although she can't see him, the smile is obvious in his voice, and she sighs. A long and heavy sigh. One that's strong enough to relax her entire body, and that makes her close her eyes and drop her shoulders. 

"Thank you," she murmurs, still into his chest.

"Yeah," he murmurs back. "Anytime, love." 

There's a pause between them. And then Harry speaks again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really, to be honest… At least not right now."

"Ok…" 

Another pause, and then… 

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

She takes a deep, long breath in, then exhales while snuggling into his chest.

"Can we just… Stay like this for another minute? Just… Y'know… In silence?"

"Hm… So you want me to shut up, is that it?"

Aurora chuckles. 

"Well, I wouldn't put it like that, but…"

Harry chuckles, too. 

"'S fine. I don't mind. We can stay like this for as long as you want."

And so they do. 

They hug for a while. In silence. A tight embrace that's simple, but that's also intense enough to let her know that he's there for her. 

Aurora can't remember the last time she's been held like this, with honest tenderness and affection. The kind of hug that she doesn't question, and that comes naturally. That feels natural. 

"This was supposed to be a fun weekend," she murmurs, curling a little bit more into him and closing her eyes to avoid facing the world. "Can't believe I'm seeing you for the first time in years and already bringing all this drama to you."

Harry chuckles lightly. 

"Don't be silly, ok? We've been over this already… We're friends and this is what friends are for." He kisses the top of her head, and then rests his cheek against the same place. "Besides, we didn't leave London yet. We can still have plenty of fun."

Aurora sighs. "God. I really need to have some fun. I miss having fun."

"I'll make sure you get more than some."

He squeezes her shoulder, and Aurora smiles.

Still with her eyes closed, and pressing her ear against his chest, she listens to his heartbeat, and to the way he breathes. He isn't calm, but he is steady, and somehow comfortable. So she focuses on him, and only him. As if mimicking his rhythm, or syncing with his pace, could make everything in her life feel better. 

Harry sighs against her, and when the thumping inside him gets faster, she pulls one arm from around his waist to rest her hand on the left side of his chest. She spreads her fingers open where his heart is, and breathes in and out slowly, hoping to calm him down again. 

He takes one hand to her neck, sliding it to the back of her head and tangling his fingers with her hair. 

As he scratches her scalp, Aurora can feel every muscle of her body fully relaxing. It's soothing. And it's safe. There's no other place she would rather be right now, and she's convinced that, as long as she's holding him and he's holding her, she'll finally relax and rest like she hasn't been able to in so long. 

"Have you always been such a great hugger?" she asks, her voice as soft and as slow as her body feels.

Harry clears his throat, then murmurs, "I don't know." 

Aurora hums. 

Another moment passes, until she breaks the silence again.

"I'm sorry for being a shitty friend."

"You're not a shitty friend."

"But I am, tho. I have no idea what's going on with your life… It's been so long and I… I never reached out."

Harry sighs, and shifts on his seat. 

Aurora follows his movements, making sure the hug doesn't end even when he seems to be pulling away. 

He doesn't, though — pull away. He simply leans back on his seat, pulling her along with him. And because she's still comfortable against his chest, she doesn't see the way his face falls, how he presses his lips together in a hard line, or glares at random people passing by.

"It's fine," he eventually says. 

And she's so focused on her own past behavior, that she also doesn't notice the slight change in his voice.

"It's not, though."

"I never reached out either, did I? And I should have… I just… I should have." 

She fidgets with the fabric of his shirt, and although it takes her a moment to answer, the words fly easily out of her mouth. "I'm not sure if it would've made any difference, to be honest… I've pushed everyone away, would've done the same to you." 

"There's no fucking way I would've let you."

"It wouldn't be up to you, tho."

A ding-ding-dong blares from the speakers in the lounge area. 

"Attention passengers on Ryanair flight 1832 to Naples, we are now ready for boarding at gate 56. Passengers on Ryanair flight 1832 to Naples, we are now ready for boarding at gate 56. Boarding is for business class and passengers with…"

The attendant's voice fades as Aurora stops paying attention to it. She blinks her eyes open and, against her wishes, pulls away from Harry's arms.

"Finally," she breathes out.

When she looks at him, she finds nothing but honesty and affection inside his eyes, and it's enough to make her heart skip a beat. 

She curves her lips into a smile, then brings her hands up to wipe the dry tears from her cheeks. "Thank you."

Harry smiles, too. "You've said that already."

"I know." She nods, dropping her hands back to her lap. "I just… Thank you, really. For now and… And for the coffee. Even though I forgot to drink it."

He takes one hand to her face, and puts some of her hair behind her ear.

"We'll have time for another one," he says, then stares into her eyes again. "Yeah?"

"Yeah…" She gulps down, captivated by his gaze. "I think… I think it'd be nice if we could catch up, right? I mean, there's so much about you that I don't know…" 

Harry smiles, although it doesn't reach his eyes. 

"There isn't anything crazy to know about me."

Aurora furrows her brows. 

"Well I don't need crazy information, Harry," she scoffs, making sure the tone of her voice is carrying some playfulness while she rolls her eyes. "I just wanna know what's up with your life… Where do you live? Do you have any dogs, or cats? Where do you work? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you have any kids? Are you married? I don't know…"

Harry stares blankly at her for a moment, then looks away, reaching for their bags. 

"Those are too many questions, love."

Aurora shrugs. 

"Well, yeah…" She leans down and picks up her coffee. The cup feels cold, and although she's sad she didn't get to drink it, she wouldn't change anything about what happened in the last… Well, however long it's been since they got here. "I know. I'm curious. That's why I said it'd be nice to catch up."

She stands up and rearranges Harry's jacket, putting it on properly so it doesn't fall from her shoulders, then waits while he stands as well, picking their bags from the seat next to his.

"Ok, yeah. Sure. We can catch up." 

"Wow." She snorts and widens her eyes. "Calm down, now. Don't sound sooo excited, please."

Harry laughs. He puts his own bag on his shoulder, and she takes hers from his hand. 

"I'd love for us to catch up, Auri. I really would."

"Okay…" She narrows her eyes at him, putting her bag on her shoulder and walking towards the line. "Are you hiding something from me?"

Harry follows her, grabbing his boarding pass and passport from the front pocket of his bag. "Why would I hide something from you?"

"I don't know…" She throws the coffee cup away, then adds, "Maybe you're working with the FBI. Or, maybe you're married to someone who works for the FBI. Ohhhhh," — she widens her eyes, looking at him while he leads their way to the gate — "or maybe, you're married to someone who's being investigated by the FBI!"

Harry chuckles through his nose. He sneaks his hands inside Aurora's bag, pulling her boarding pass and passport from it.

"There's no FBI involved, I promise," he says, handing her the items. 

"Hmmm…" She grabs her things from his hand, and nibbles her bottom lip before asking, "But you're married to someone?" 

"Nop." 

"Okay… Dating to someone?"

He shakes his head, and Aurora nods.

"Are relationships a touchy subject, maybe?"

Harry smirks, and that's more than enough to give Aurora an answer, but she still waits for him to say something. 

Anything.

"I broke up with someone not too long ago." He shrugs. "So I'm not in the mood for relationships right now, to be honest. And that includes talking about it." 

The line moves quickly, and they take a step forward. 

"Oh, sure. Yeah. I get it. Of course." Aurora nods. "I'm sorry, tho. Y'know, that it didn't work out."

He shrugs, and they walk again.

"'S fine." 

The shift in his behavior is loud and clear, and it bothers her. The idea of someone breaking Harry's heart deep enough for the pain to overshadow his excitement and dull the brightness of his smile doesn't feel right. So it bothers her. It really does. Whoever it was, he surely deserved someone much better. He surely deserves someone better.

A flight attendant welcomes them with a grin and a cheerful good morning. Aurora smiles back, and hands him her passport and boarding pass, then waits for him to return them. He wishes her a safe flight, and repeats the same process with Harry. 

Aurora waits for him in silence, and once they're both ready to walk through the airgate, she picks the conversation back on. 

"I'm sure you'll find someone, y'know? It won't be that hard. You're still young, and dating was never a problem for you, so…"

There's a pause, and then Harry snorts. "Dating was never a problem for me? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Y'know… That's what you, Niall and Jayden used to do all the time, wasn't it? Dating and… Flirting and hooking up with everyone?"

Harry stops walking and turns to stare at her in silence, with widened eyes and flared nostrils. 

Aurora stops, too, biting her lip to hold back her amusement while waiting for him to say something. 

He doesn't, but he eventually laughs, throwing his head back and making her fully smile at him. He shakes his head, and starts walking again.

"Jeez, Auri, I'm so offended right now."

"Oh c'mon…" She chuckles, following his steps. "I meant it as a compliment, okay? Like… Girls were always into you, that's all."

"Not all girls, though."

"Fine." She shrugs. "Ninety-five percent of them, then."

He snorts again. "Ok."

"How old were you when we met? Twenty? Twenty-one?"

"Nineteen."

"Oh shit, really?"

"Yeah, it was my second year. Why?"

"Nothing. I think… For a moment I just forgot you're so much younger than me, that's all."

"C'mon, not so much, I'm almost thirty now."

"Well, yes, but I'm thirty-five."

"See? Same age."

She chuckles. "We're not the same age."

"Ok, but almost."

"Not even close, Harry."

"Oh c'mon! Then what are you now? Ancient? Should I call you grandma?"

She chuckles. "Well… I do feel ancient, to be honest."

He rolls his eyes. "This is ridiculous. You're just as young as I am."

She shakes her head. 

"Yeah, I mean, I know that… But I don't know… I mean, talking to you right now I don't feel like you're younger, y'know? Let alone that much. But also—"

"It's not that much."

"No, I know. But if you think about it, I already got married and I have a four-year-old at home, so like, I really am too old and—What?" Harry is frowning at her, and she tilts her head. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He shrugs, then faces forward, away from her. "I'm trying to decide if I should kick your ass right now or just throw you into the ocean later."

She gasps, but then she chuckles. "What? Whyyy?"

Harry raises his eyebrows at her. "I'm only five years younger than you, Auri. Five. It's not even a big deal."

She sighs.

The line in front of them moves, and they move forward as well. 

"Sorry. You're right. Like I said, it doesn't feel like it right now, but I think… I don't know. When you were 19 and I was 24 it was different, yeah? I mean, we were in different stages of our lives. I was meeting Zack and you were—" 

"Yes, I know. I was there, remember?" 

She swallows down, and nods. 

"Sorry," she repeats, much softer this time. 

Aurora walks in silence, staring at the plane at the end of the hallway. 

She pretends to ignore the way Harry keeps glancing at her, or how he rubs the back of his neck, or how he rolls his shoulders. She knows she bothered him, and the idea of causing a scene when they're about to get into a plane feels terrifying. She should've kept her mouth shut, that way she wouldn't have them put them in that situation. Again.

It's like she's been riding on a rollercoaster she never knew she would get into in the first place. Going through multiple sudden changes of speed and directions. Slowly climbing a steep slope and painfully anticipating the fall before she actually drops directly into the ground. Holding herself during the unexpected tight turns and sharp curves, and gasping for air at every inverted loop. Experiencing the ups and downs of gravity as she's weightless and happy at the top of the hill, then all of a sudden her own personality is pushing her back down to reality. And by the end of it, the back of her throat hurts, her stomach feels funny, and there's just heaviness all over her body. 

"Hey," Harry calls. 

He shifts his bag from one shoulder to the other and puts his arm around her, pulling her closer even though they're still walking. He kisses the top of her head, and keeps his lips there as he speaks. "'M sorry. Shouldn't have cut you off like that."

Aurora shrugs. "It's fine." 

"It's not. We were just joking and I… I took it personally, 'm sorry."

He kisses her head, again, and her lashes flutter. 

She knows he's sorry, but she doesn't know what to say to him. She knows how easy it is for her to forgive when she shouldn't, and how many times in the last six years she believed in empty apologies. 

So although she knows, she isn't sure she can trust herself. 

She hasn't been trusting herself for a while now. 

A new flight attendant welcomes them into the plane, and they both pull away from each other.

Aurora walks in front of Harry, and she does her best to smile genuinely at the cheerful woman that's wishing them a good morning and a good flight. 

She holds the strap of her bag tightly on her shoulder, and walks through the narrow carpeted aisle, focusing on the numbers and letters above the seats as if she's looking for specific ones. She pauses here and there for other passengers that are getting settled, and it's only past the emergency door that Harry speaks again.

"Should we sit here?" he asks. He's pointing to the opposite side where she's facing, so she turns around, finding three empty seats.  

"Okay." 

She nods, and tilts her chin up to check the space to put her bag. Harry is quicker, though, because he is already closing his fingers around the strap on her shoulder and pushing it away from her arm.

"I'll put our bags together, yeah?" 

She doesn't want to fight him about it, so she simply thanks him with the best smile she can offer and allows him to easily grab her duffel bag. 

She slides through the two empty seats to reach the one by the window, not waiting any longer to secure the seat belt and make herself comfortable. Once she's settled, she clasps her hands together, and takes a deep breath in. Her chin trembles, and she looks down, biting the inside of her cheek. She doesn't want to cry again. She really doesn't want to cry again.

Also, she needs to sleep. She must get some sleep. There is absolutely no way she is going to handle spending the entire day awake, and if she doesn't sleep now, she'll only get an opportunity again at the yacht — meaning she won't get to spend any time with her friends. 

Harry sits next to her and puts his own belt on, then turns off his phone and shoves it into his pocket. Aurora doesn't look at him, but he turns sideways anyway, leaning his shoulder on the back of the seat and blocking them from any possible curious eyes. 

He grabs one of her hands from her lap and takes her fingers to his mouth, placing a long kiss to her knuckles before sighing. 

"Auri, love," his voice is soft, and a whisper for only them to hear, "I really am sorry." 

She nods, taking her free hand to wipe a tear before it could roll down her cheek.  

Shit.

"Please, don't cry."

"Mhm."

"Auri… Look at me, please."

She shakes her head, then. Because she knows that she'll fall apart all over again if she looks at him.

God, she's so tired.

"I didn't…" she murmurs, then takes a deep breath and tries again. "I didn't mean anything bad by the age thing… I promise."

"I know that, love. Of course I know," he says, pressing another kiss to her hand. "Fuck. I know. We were just joking. And I'm not mad about it, I promise. I mean, I was actually a stupid hormonal teenager back when we met, so yeah… You're right, things were different. But please, Auri, I hate that I made you cry just because I… Shit, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It wasn't about you, I promise."

She stares at her knees and nods, because she knows he is. And she also knows she can trust him, which is probably why she — finally — honestly blurts out, "I keep messing everything up, y'know? All the time."

He brushes his thumb on the back of her hand, then murmurs back to her, "What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I just… I keep letting everyone down, and I hate it, but it's like I can't stop it. And I mean, to be honest I don't… I don't even recognize myself anymore. I used to have so much fun, and I felt so different about life… And I treated people around me so differently… And now I'm just… I don't know… I don't know why I say things, or why I do things. I don't know what I want, or what to do with my life… And I feel so… Lonely… All the damn time. But I get why I'm lonely, y'know? I mean it's true that I don't know how to be anything else besides being Noah's mum. And I'm so insensitive to other people because of that, and I keep saying things I shouldn't and I just… I look back and I realize how I pushed everyone away… How I… I don't know, I'm so tired of this. I'm just so tired of myself."

There is a pause between them, mostly because Harry's waiting for the people in front of them to settle and stop prying at their conversation. 

It's good, though, because it gives her time to catch her breath again.

And then, Harry leans deeper into his seat, still holding tightly to her hand.

"Is that how he made you feel?"

Aurora furrows her brows. "What—Who?"

"Zack. Is that how Zack made you feel?"

"I… No! Why—I mean, I'm just… I'm talking about myself." 

"Auri, c'mon… I know you're talking about yourself, but I can read between the lines."

She closes her eyes and takes her hand up to her face, rubbing her forehead while she prepares herself to just keep blurting out what her mind is begging her to tell him.

"I think…" she says, dropping her hand back to her lap and blinking. "I think he really messed me up, y'know?"

Harry sighs. 

It takes him a moment to say something. A moment that feels really, really long to her. 

And then… 

"Fuck." He puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her to his chest, murmuring while resting his cheek on the back of her head, "I'm sorry."

She shrugs, snuggling into him and searching for his heartbeat, just like before.

"'S not your fault."

"But I should've been there for you."

"You wouldn't have known." 

"Still… This isn't how it was supposed to be." 

God, she's so tired… 

Her entire body is heavy, and she doesn't even know what's happening around them anymore. She can't even make sense of their conversation anymore. 

Harry feels too cozy, though, and she knows she's about to have the comfiest sleep of her life — she can feel it.  

"Harry?"

"Hm?"

"I got divorced six months ago."

Harry closes his eyes, then rearranges himself on his seat and pulls her closer to him.

"I know."

.

.

.

"You know? How?" 

"Niall."

"Oh. Okay?" 

"I texted him while you were getting your coffee."

She places her hands on his hips, holding her weight to pull away from him. 

Harry doesn't let her, though, squeezing her inside of his arms and locking her in. 

"Please stay," he murmurs. 

And Aurora doesn't fight him. She just relaxes again — she relaxes and listens to him. 

"You weren't wearing a ring… And I could tell something was up, so I… I asked him. That's all. Sorry if I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. I needed to know."

"Oh…" The concept of time is foggy inside her mind, but she's pretty sure a few seconds go by before she speaks again. "'S okay, I guess. I mean… Niall knows about the divorce, but he doesn't… He doesn't know the whole story. He doesn't know how bad it was."

"Does anyone know?"

"You?" She chuckles, but it's humorless, because she knows that not even Harry truly knows. "I just… I haven't been able to talk about it yet, or like… Process it, I think. I don't know. I keep justifying him a lot, which I'm learning it's something I shouldn't do."

He makes his cheek comfortable on top of her head, then takes one hand to play with her hair, scratching her scalp. "It can't be easy to go through something like this on your own, tho."

"I know…" She closes her eyes, appreciating his affectionate touch. "My mum's helping me a lot… She had to go back home now, but she spent over a month with me. Makes sure I don't skip therapy… Stuff like that."

"Hmm…" Harry says, and his voice echoes inside her body. "Always liked her. Smart one."

Aurora curls her mouth up. "Yeah…" 

Another moment goes by, and Aurora is filled with lightness as her body slowly drifts into sleep. 

"Thank you for telling me this, Auri."

"Mhmm… It's weird… To like, talk about it."

"I'll always listen. Whenever you want to talk about it, I'll listen."

"Thank you… 'M really tired, tho... And I think my brain is going to explode…"

Harry chuckles. "Get some sleep, yeah? I'll wake you up when we're about to land."

"'Mkay." She hugs his waist, and nuzzles against his chest. "Can't believe this all happened and we didn't even leave the country yet."

"Tell me about it."

"Mm… 'Kay… I'll sleep now… You're comfy… And I think… I feel drunk…"

Chuckling again, Harry presses a kiss on the top of her head, then slides down a bit on his seat, and she cuddles a little bit more into him.

"Ok love," he says. "You can relax now, I got you." 

And although Aurora doesn't answer, she knows he does. 

She doesn't need Harry to wake her up. 

Her brain drifts back to consciousness by itself, slowly making her aware of her surroundings way before the plane is even close to landing. 

She's warm, because of Harry's arms wrapped around her shoulders, but also because of his jacket covering her body. Her face is pressed against his shirt, and once again she's breathing from his skin. He still smells good — like a fresh shower — but now it's also mixed with a little bit of sweat, so it's somehow even better than before. 

It's hot. He's hot. Her insides feel hot.

She's also comfortable — so, so comfortable. It feels like she just took the best nap of her entire life. Like she's enveloped by a sense of calm and peace, a feeling that she doesn't want at all to end. Snuggled into his chest while his fingers keep playing with her hair, tracing random patterns on the back of her head. The movements are sweet, sweet enough to tempt her to go back to sleep. And she almost does. 

Except she can't. Not anymore. 

Because above all that, she can tell she's also kind of desperate. Clingy. Needy. Hugging his waist as if their flight landing in Italy depended on how tight her grip is. Both of her legs over his left thigh. His strong, firm thigh. She's holding onto him like a baby koala. A troubled one. A baby koala that's craving to be held by someone. Anyone. And as if she's terrified of the idea of being left behind while her mind shuts off from the real world. 

And maybe she is. Who knows.

She always liked to cuddle, and she hasn't properly cuddled in a really long time, so it's not a surprise. Still, it very quickly becomes embarrassing, and certainly not how Harry imagined things to go when, earlier in the airport, he offered his shoulder for her to take a quick nap. 

He offered his shoulder, not his entire body, for fucks sake!

So, against all wishes, Aurora stirs and groans — mostly because her mind is battling between sleeping for just two more minutes or acknowledging the reality of the world she's in — then pulls away from him. 

"Hmm…" She takes her hands up to her face, and rubs the last traces of sleepiness away from her puffy eyes, then sits back on her seat. "What time is it?" 

Next to her, Harry moves as well, withdrawing his arms from around her shoulders and placing his hands on his lap. 

"Must be around ten thirty now… Last time I checked was ten fifteen."

He sounds calm, so calm that she can't make any emotion out of his voice, so she turns her head to look at him.

Harry looks fully awake. Well rested. Peaceful. Soft. The only sign of him turning into her personal pillow are the wrinkles all over his shirt, but everything else looks… Perfect. Like heaven. He looks like heaven.   

"Hi…" He curls one side of his mouth up, and Aurora smiles, too.

"Hi…"

Only then it occurs to her that she's been staring at him, and she looks away, taking her hands to smooth out her hair then fix her dress.

"Did you sleep well?"

She nods, and takes his jacket off, instead using it like a blanket to cover her chest.

"Um, yeah… I did. Thanks. And thanks for… You know… Letting me crush on you? I mean, it probably wasn't comfortable for you, so… Yeah, thanks."

Harry scoffs, shuffling down on his seat and spreading his legs as wide open as he can. 

"Are you kidding me?" He takes both arms up and places his hands behind his head, resting on top of the palm of his hands. "You're a great cuddler. Went straight to my top five of all time."

The playfulness is clear in his words, which is why Aurora chuckles. Still, one question is loud and clear inside her mind: who are the other four great cuddlers? And most importantly, why isn't she his favorite one? 

The thoughts bring an uncomfortable feeling to her stomach, and she shifts on her seat. 

"That's kind of you to say, but you should see me during winter in the middle of the night… I'm like a baby koala and it's not a very pretty sight." 

"Huh." He smirks, and lifts his eyebrows. "Is that an offer?"

Aurora snorts and rolls her eyes, feeling her cheeks burn before she looks away. "Shut up."

Harry laughs, and just like that, everything between them goes back to normal. 

Getting into conversation with him is easy. Neither of them have seen their friends in a while, so they distract themselves by reminiscing old stories and laughing at silly things they used to do together. They also talk about Italy, about how neither of them have been to the country before, and how it's been a dream of both of them. They bond over small details, and find connections over silly things. And it's exactly what Aurora needs, as she finds out after minutes and minutes of light conversation and genuine giggles. 

It is only when they're about to land that her face falls again. 

Fully awake, the airplane movements become way more obvious than they did when taking off. And as soon as the belt sign goes on, and the pilot announces they're about to descend to Naples, Aurora's heartbeat speeds up.

She straightens up and leans her back fully against her seat, looking through the window at the bright sky. 

"Are you ok?" Harry asks. 

"Mhm…" She nods, and doesn't take her eyes off from the view. "Just… I don't like this part very much, that's all."

"Wanna hold my hand?" 

It is a nice offer, but one she doesn't think she should accept. So she doesn't. And as the plane gets closer and closer to land, every movement becomes even more clear. When it shakes, when it turns, when it's getting ready to touch the ground. 

She holds herself until the last minute. She holds herself tightly and firmly. Until it becomes too much, and one specific up and down of the airplane has her reaching for his hand.

It's like Harry is already waiting for her, to be honest, because she finds him quickly. Her sweaty and cold palm meets his warm one, and she turns her head to look at him. 

He's already watching her, and as soon as their eyes meet, his face lights up with a smile. 

Her belly quivers, and her chest tightens. 

"It'll be over in a minute," he says, squeezing her hand.

She nods, and swallows down, because it's the only thing she can do right now. She knows what he's talking about, and she knows it's true — they'll land, and everything will pass. 

Although something tells her that, whatever she's feeling right now, will not go away. It won't be over in a minute. It won't be over even when they're out and away from the plane. 

In fact, she's starting to believe that, as soon as Harry is next to her, looking at her like that, the fluttering in her stomach will never go away. 

if you've made it here, say caramel coffee :')

also, thank you for reading.

dani :)

PART THREE

[bitter-me]

God-ish

Fyodor Dostoevsky | M. Reader

----------

"Gott ist tot."

----------

The days [Name] live are as normal as it can get. Wake up, get ready, eat, work, go home, sleep, rinse and repeat.

Despite being an ability user. His life is as regular as a normal human. Even if people say it's far safer that way [Name] felt like he wanted to tear his hair out.

'How boring..'

'It's the same every time...'

'All of it is so monotonous...'

Those thoughts circle around his mind, he had been living his life the same way over and over again, it's bound to be boring, and yet... Somehow people didn't complain about it, they didn't say anything about it, they don't look depressed about it. It's like they're used to this "monotonous life" or they just suck it up.

Either way, this made [Name] starts to think that they're brain dead or something. Humans are creative creatures who could think freely and yet they trap themselves in a monotonous repeating life? What's wrong with them? Don't they get bored? Don't they get tired? Don't they get depressed by how repeative it is?

'That’s so meaningful and cool.' He thought sarcastically, leaning against a wall, he watched these human beings go with their day with crossed arms. How meaningful... To think they actually would sacrifice their free thinking to blindly follow this "religion"-like way...

They all blindly follow it without even knowing what they're doing as if it's second nature for them to do so. As if it's a code that had been programmed into them. As if they're in a simulation. How meaningful and cool...

And yet every time his co-workers would ramble on about their "dreams" he can't help but think. 'Your dream... It’s big... Too big.'

They all dream about such big things, but did they ever stop and think just how ridiculous it is? How are they going to obtain such a thing when they themselves are blindly following this "religion."?

Their dreams are like a prayer of self-discipline disguised as criticism. They say they're independent. They say they don't need anyone. They say that they're their own person. They say that they're going to make it big one day as their dreams become a reality. But is that really all true? Or are they just criticism in disguise?

You criticize your family, your friends, your co-workers and those around you.

You say you're an independent person yet you can't build a dream alone. You say you're your own person yet you can't help but follow new trends and blindly follow this moral code. You say you're going to make it big one day yet when is that? And how are you going to achieve it if you're still wallowing in self pity?

It's not logical.

What's holding these human beings back from actually doing those things? The answer... Is this "religion."

They all think that it's right to follow this set of rules. Sure some of them are worth following like respecting each other and such. But did they even follow that in the end? No. They don't. Some people ended up murdering one another. Some people ended up betraying one another. The list goes on.

Yet in the end they argue that they're right.

'That's disgusting..'

'It's tiny... Your mind... It's tiny.'

'Lonely because of your genius how cool…how cool…'

They all think they've become some sort of genius once they've "figured out" these set of rules they follow so blindly and think that they have the right to look down on the ones who do follow them. But in the end they're still the same as them. They've become this "authority" that looks down on others once just because they don't understand something like that.

They say fame, and money corrupts all. Oh how true that is...

Their morals die once they've got them. [Name] salute to those who still maintain them. After all... This fame and money are like the devil's advocate.

How... God-ish... To resist such temptation...

.

.

"I understand... You wish to be free from this mondaine world, yes?"

Those are the words that man said to him.

He saw through the mask he so carefully crafted for years and saw right through his soul.

How God-ish..

[Name] still remember their first meeting...

Back then he didn't even hesitate to use his ability to defend himself, even if it meant killing a few people. His survival is at risk here. Isn't it only logical to do so?

Then after all the chaos.... Fyodor found him...

Despite how cold his body felt... [Name] can't help but feel warm.. Despite how cold he is... He felt some warmth and maybe even closure at the thought that someone had seen him.. And didn't ridicule him for having such a mindset...

.

.

Pretending to be God by denying God.

[Name] was never a religious person. But for once in his life he felt like his silent prayers have been heard. He's free from this mondaine life he had been living.

'I’m becoming a fan on the contrary.'

He had become a fan of something he had originally hated....

He had blindly followed this "religion."

No... This is different...

He's not following anything...

He's merely...

...the Devil's advocate.

What can he say? He had fallen for a Devil.

And the devil kindly reciprocates.

[silkenedstars]

we’re so back!! can we get a yandere sinclair x reader,,, it can be any identity i love all of him

Additional Notes: Yes you can!! This is unedited though so there's going to be a lot of mistakes in this. Sorry for that :(

TW// Blood, limb loss, yandere (this is all that comes to mind rn, lmk if there's anything else I should add)

The loss of your arm had surprising results, the main one being that you no longer had the fanatical haze of nagel und hammer clouding your mind.

There was nothing good out of the pain you felt despite what you've been told by your superiors. You supposed you should be thankful nonetheless, as that very pain was what snapped you back into reality. Though, it was still a terrible experience and you wouldn't wish anything like that on your worst enemy.

Another fortune thing about losing your arm — Wings, that statement by itself was painfully ironic — had to be that no one saw what happened. It was your non-dominant hand too so you were extra lucky. Whatever the Index blindly followed must've been smiling down upon you since you were able to pretend like you didn't lose your arm in the first place. All you had to do was grab the part of your armour that fell off, shake it a little so your severed arm would fall out of it too, then reattach the armour back to your torso and voila! It's as if nothing happened!

...But how would you explain one of your arms not moving? Someone would undeniably notice — The One Who Grips, for sure — and demand for you to take your armour off, revealing that you lost it.

Now that wasn't too bad, people who had their limbs severed were praised by everyone about how human they were and if that was all you had to go through, you definitely wouldn't care.

But you wanted your arm back.

You really really wanted your arm back. Without it, you felt like you were missing a part of yourself— and you were, but it wasn't just a physical feeling. Your joint your arm was attached to ached, your mind was begging for you to flex the muscles of your severed limb, and looking at that very limb sparked only fear and pain within your veins. You didn't feel a connection with it anymore.

And between the constant aching and the severe pain you went through when you lost your arm? The aching was far worse. The pain would go away sooner or later, but the aching would forever follow you as there wasn't a way for you to stop it.

That only meant one thing: you were going to get a prosthetic arm. The quality didn't matter, you just wanted your arm back.

With a sigh, you did what you planned to. The only thing left to do now was to find where you'd get a prosthetic replacement while—

"There you are."

A scream almost escaped your lips as you hastily turned around and kicked off your severed arm behind you.

You cursed inwardly when you saw who was behind you.

"Y- You! It's an honour to m- meet you out here!" you clumsily greeted him. The way he was just staring at you with that angry scowl on his face was nothing short of terrifying.

You didn't think he'd kill you, of course not. But if he ever caught onto what happened to you...

...you couldn't let him find out. Ever.

"...you weren't there during attendance," he took a step, his voice surprisingly soft, "I was worried."

And you're worried for your life right now so that evens outs. That said, why was he even talking to you? Aside from exchanging a few words here and there, you never interacted with him.

"Why? You think a few heretics would be able to take me down?" you teased, forcing a grin upon your lips. "I'm not that weak, you know?"

A small sigh left him. "Still…"

"I'm fine," you insisted, "Look at me. Do I look injured to you?"

Sinclair looked you up and down in response, his eyes settling on your non-existent — or, in his eyes, motionless — arm, just as you feared. Maybe you should've responded with something else instead of making it a point that you were unharmed and uninjured. Wings, why were you so dumb?

Oh, wait, maybe you weren't so screwed after all? He hasn't mentioned your arm so far—

"Your arm isn't moving."

...you jinxed it, of course you jinxed it.

Sinclair took a step towards you, then another until he was right in front of you. He took your empty armour in his hand, his fingers uncharacteristically gently rubbing against the metallic back of it. It was as if he was afraid of injuring you further.

"You're injured," he spoke softly, yet his voice slowly grew into a low growl, "those bastards injured you."

"You have it wrong, I'm not injured!" you insisted again, "It's just that my arm is aching because of how much I had to move my heavy weapon around.

"Then move it right now."

You sucked in a breath, feeling both annoyed and anxious. This better work. "Why should I? Your hand feels nice."

Sinclair froze.

"...H- Huh?!"

His face burst into a violent crimson and he quickly let go of your armour. You only caught sight of his flustered expression for a single second before he looked away and hid his face from you.

You let out a sigh of relief before forcing yourself to grin and poke at his cheek. "What's wrong? Why did you let go of my hand? Yours was so nice, you know~ You meanie.."

You felt his cheek warm up further under your touch before he swatted your finger away.

"Stop that," he demanded with a voice akin to a whine. "Don't act like her."

Was that... a pout?

Well, whether it was one or not didn't matter. What really mattered would be his answers to your questions. "Why did you come here anyway? You could've sent a hammer or two if you were worried about me running away, or a Großhammer to check up on me if you were that worried."

"I..." His expression shifted to the scowl that normally resided on his face, his tone an almost concerned one. "...It would simply get in the way of her plans if you ran off and snitched to those heretics."

Asids from the fact that no one would be able to do anything even if you snitched, something felt off about the explanation he told you. But at the same time, it made sense to personally make sure you didn't do anything stupid. He was the lapdog of that unhinged woman, after all.

"I'd do nothing of that sort," you huffed. "Why would you ever think that someone in our ranks would want to betray here?"

All you wanted to do was get a replacement arm to stop the ghost pains then run off somewhere nagel und hammer wouldn't ever be able to find you at.

"I see..."

You swore you saw him let out a sigh of relief.

"Then, come back with me."

No fucking way.

"I can't," you hastily replied, "not now."

His eyebrows furrowed, the look on his face between irritation and confusion. "Why not."

Yikes! That tone of his definitely meant trouble. You should've rejected him gently earlier.

"Becauseee.. I... uhh.. need to make sure that the heretics here are actually dead and not just pretending they are dead," you tried to explain yourself. "It's hard to tell whether these things are alive or not when they don't feel any pain in the first place, right? They only pretend they feel pain!"

He frowned. "I can do that for you."

"No no no I'll do it myself!" you hastily rejected him, "You should head back anyway! Don't you usually spend time with—"

"Don't bring her up."

You flinched.

"...I'm staying to make sure you don't run off," he said, his voice much more gentle this time, "So don't bring her up again. She knows what I'm doing anyway."

Oh, you were so dead.

"...Alright," you reluctantly gave in. "Come with me then."

"Good."

Despite the scowl still on his face, he looked so pleased with himself as he walked past you.

With a sigh, you followed behind him. How were you going to replace your arm now? You could steal a prosthetic from one of those "heretics", sure, but with Sinclair here...

Well, it wasn't like he knew you lost your arm, so you could probably steal a prosthetic when he looked away.

Yeah... that sounded like a plan. You just hoped that it wouldn't go wrong.

— — — — —

"...They're all dead in this part of the town, too," Sinclair declared. "That leaves only one area."

"D- Does it...?" You had been so distracted on making sure he didn't find out about your plan that you forgot to do the steps in your plan. "Can I take a small break around here? My arm is tired from swinging this hammer around so much.."

"Alright," he nodded, "we'll—"

"No no just me!" you interrupted him, "I don't think you need a break too, do you?"

"Why?" he frowned, but strangely enough, it looked more like a pout.

A pout, huh? His flushed cheeks from a prior moment came to mind. What if...

"Because you're strong, aren't you?" you answered, "You could single-handedly kill an entire town of heretics on your own and you wouldn't even be tired, that's how strong you are!"

"...That's right, but I need to watch over you," Sinclair replied, his cheeks a tint of pink.

"Orr you can watch the area around me instead!" You clasped your hands together and looked at him with the best pleading face you could manage, as well as preparing the most cutesy voice you could. "Please? I need someone really strong like you to make sure the area surrounding me is safe! What if one of the heretics that pretended to be dead earlier has been stalking me this entire time and strikes me down while I'm resting? Please! You're the only person I know who'd be strong enough to kill a potential stalker before they get to me..!"

Word by word, his cheeks took on a pinker shade before he looked away, flustered. "Alright, fine."

Why was that so easy??

"But you better stay here, where I can find you," he quickly added, much to your dismay.

"I'll stay here!" You weren't going to. "Thank you! You're my hero!!"

You managed to catch sight of his face turning red before he quickly turned away and walked off to survey the surrounding areas. And once he was far enough away, you quickly made your way into one of the houses and went inside. While you doubted if you'd be able to return with a new arm in time, you were sure you'd be able to distract him from your disappearance if any of his flustered reactions were anything to go by.

The house itself was mostly empty, the blood and gore within it having mostly dried off by now. The presence of the blood itself brought an unpleasant feeling to you, however.

That could be your blood dried on walls in the future.

You kept looking around the house. It was one that you and Sinclair already went through. At first you were worried because he'd recklessly slam down the axe on any corpse he found before you could even get a look at them, but one corpse was lucky enough to have Sinclair's axe go straight for its neck and have the rest of its body remain intact.

A corpse that had the prosthetic arm that you needed.

Hastily, you made your way through the rooms, internally cursing the architect who designed the layout so confusingly before you eventually found the body you were looking for.

"Oh finally..." you breathed out in relief. "I swear I can't even breathe without him watching me..."

But now that you could breathe without him watching, it was time for you to finally, finally get a new arm.

With a bit of struggle but as quickly as you could, you tore off the armour piece where your arm should've been and kneeled by the corpse.

With all the strength you could muster in your tired arm, you brought down your hammer onto the shoulder of the corpse, freeing the prosthetic arm you needed.

The ends of the metal alloy cracked due to the force but thankfully there wasn't enough damage on the prosthetic to cause you any problems. At least, nothing too serious on the surface.

You grabbed the prosthetic arm and looked over it, sighting. "I didn't even think I'd have to figure out how to attach this thing to myself..."

"What. Are. You. Doing."

You froze.

"S- Sinclair! I—"

He stormed towards you, grabbed your hand and squeezed.

"I- I can—"

"You lied to me," he mourned, "You said you weren't injured."

His eyes strayed towards the prosthetic arm that was in your hold, then at the corpse beneath your feet. "Was it the one that hurt you?" His glare harshened. "The one that ripped off your arm?"

...Huh?

You thought he'd lash out at you for sure, that he'd bludgeon you with his axe.

Was this a way out for you?

"...Yeah.." you nodded, your body shivering from the fate you barely avoided. "I couldn't forget it's face when it took my arm, and the pain wouldn't stop. I had to get revenge somehow, but just killing it wasn't enough. Then you showed up..."

The phantom of your arm wouldn't stop aching.

You wanted to go home.

"I see..."

Wordlessly, he raised his axe above his head.

You let the prosthetic arm go and looked away.

A terrible sound echoed in the room.

Then another.

And then another.

The sound of metal smashing against metal repeated relentlessly until slowly, little by little, the only thing you could hear was the axe hitting the ground.

Then it stopped.

You looked up.

"Sinclair...?"

His chest heaved; out of breath.

He looked at you and smiled much like The One Who Grips.

"Let's go back."

[damn-stark]

Final chapter the last ballad of the Fallen

Final chapter of Sugar

A/N- Thank you so much for staying tuned to this series and giving it so much love, I appreciate every single one of you that gave me the motivation to keep writing! I love you all so much, thank you and I really hope you like this last chapter!!

Warning- FLUFF!!! talks of death and violence, SPOILERS!!!!

Pairing- Choso x Gojo!fem-reader, Suguru Geto x Gojo!fem-reader

Episode and or chapters- none

————

Dear Satoru,

It’s been 6 months since the fall of Sukuna. It’s been six months since the merger and curses and cursed techniques as we know them have been eradicated.

You would think the world would know some kind of peace without getting terrorized by beasts. You would assume that the Jujutsu society as you know it would collapse with no true relevance behind it anymore, but roots can’t truly die without yanking them out of the ground.

How poetic of me I know, you’d laugh at me until you heard the whisperings I’ve heard about a fallen sorcerer taking a grip on the power-hungry minds of our old world, with no promise for revival of our power, just a promise of control, security, justice, and a grander eternity, a better society.

They’re all true markings of a messiah, a god, a prophet, a savior.

You would think they wouldn’t believe it, we’re too smart for that, aren’t we? But they all bow at the feet of none other than your little sister.

It seems she truly took something from Suguru. Maybe we should blame him for feeding her his crap. But then again all he would be is glad that she’s becoming the leader he only dreamed of becoming.

If only you were here, Satoru, you would have stopped her before she even could start scheming. Now who will stop her?

All the big sorcerer families follow her because they fear losing their control and power, even the quiet Inumaki family have a lot to say about her now since she turned them into one of the big three after the extinction of the Zen’in’s. And the Kamo’s are no better.

You would think Choso would stop her, and knock some sense into her, but maybe I’m expecting too much from him, he follows her blindly. Not even Yuji could convince him to talk to her, the boy is neither here nor there. He’s neutral, and why wouldn’t he be? He lost a lot. A promise for a greater tomorrow is tempting, even to me, but I couldn’t follow her. She doesn’t even talk to me, I don’t know how long she’ll stay mad at me. Maybe forever?

All I know about her is things I hear from whispers of other people; Kirara, or Yuji, but even that’s rare since I don’t really see them anymore.

What I do know is that what she’s doing is kind of working I admit that. After all, you paved the way after you killed the higher-ups. I would scold you over the outcome, but you’re not here so I’ll let you off and actually tell you that you’re having a niece and nephew; Tsukuyomi and Suki, did she ever tell you the names she and Choso picked?

I’m sorry I don’t know more, I wish I did, I wish I knew why she’s doing what she’s doing at great risk to her beloved peaceful life. Control? Power? Fear of being weak? I don’t know, I’m sorry. I really am.

That’s all I wanted to tell you this time, it’s something I couldn’t say out loud. And even if you’ll never read this it helped.

Yours truly, Shoko.

——

*YOU*

You can hear it, the cries of regret and sorrow echoing from the fire.

You can smell the smoke and flesh like something out of an apocalypse. But what is terror compared to the adrenaline rushing through your veins as people bow at your feet, in the same way, non-sorcerers would bow to Suguru?

Even if they are escaping their demise you still stand tall over the people accepting the way things need to be.

After desiring nothing but a better world for most of your life, finally you’re seeing that dream come true.

And yes there is an argument that can be had over the fact that cursed techniques and the power behind cursed energy are gone forever, but nothing changes who you all are and the society you were all born into. Everyone bowing sees that, you see that, and the people you love see that.

“Today marks an end to the old world,” you announce proudly to the crowd of ex-sorcerers. “Today marks the beginning of change and the start of our new world. We may not have our power, but we still know who we are, no one can take that away,” you trail on softer, causing murmurs to spread throughout the crowd.

“We will not fall. We will not be forgotten, we will live on as a greater society, better than the one the higher-ups and the old stubborn heads of our clans forced us to live under,” you don’t falter or let your confidence slip. Your smirk holds your glory, and your eyes shout your pride as well as your gentleness and sincerity.

Yet there’s a drop in your voice, one only Choso, Kirara, and Hakari can detect. “Part of it is due to…my brother, the wielder of the six eyes, and the limítless technique, Satoru Gojo,” you pause and sigh, as well as feel a weight fall on your frail chest. “He paved the way when he got rid of the higher-ups once and for all. He wanted a better world for the next generation, for the students he taught and cherished, and for the people he loved. He’s gone now but his will will not be forgotten, not by me. He’s part of the reason why I stand here…as well as for the ones I've lost, the ones treated unfairly because of what they were,” you mention and remember Nanako and Mimiko before you glance at Choso to speechlessly let him know that his brothers were in mind when you spoke those words.

“The ones snubbed,” you continue and now meet the gazes of Hakari and Kirara so they know you haven’t forgotten them or the treatment they were put under. When you look back at the ground you aim to portray the same sincerity so they know you mean what you’re saying and so that they can trust you.

“…And for all of you. Today marks the start of a new world for all of us!” You exclaim and grin, and much to your surprise the crowd erupts with excitement after a promise of a new tomorrow where the power they wield doesn’t really have to die. They’ll never know true power anymore, but thanks to what you promise they’ll never know the true loss of control or be as frail as the true non-sorcerers.

That should make you happy too—you are, you’re proud. You look at Choso standing beside you and find comfort and joy in holding his hand. You glance over at Kirara, Harkari, Larue, Miguel, and the rest of your family and you’re happy that you can keep your word for a better tomorrow, but when you see the mirage of your brother standing in front of the crowd, nothing takes away from the loneliness that surrounds you.

You’re isolated in a sea of solitude without him. You thought it would go away when Choso came back to life because that’s when it really sunk in, but this loneliness is deep and scarred in your bones with the only cure being your brother.

But you can’t live like that, you can’t wait for someone who won’t return, so you lead this change in your society, but the only thing that changed is seeing him standing there watching you.

Doesn’t he understand you're doing this all for him?

——

*10 YEARS LATER*

Dear Dad,

We’ve returned to our beach house in Italy, it’s been a few days since we got here. I’m sorry I haven’t caught up with you lately, life is pretty busy being the eldest of four siblings. It makes me think that Nanako and Mimiko had it easy with me when I was young.

As always I much prefer my time away from Japan, even if it is where I was born, it stopped feeling like home when you died. I didn’t realize that uneasiness until I got older. Plus with the Zen’in bastards demanding to pick up the family title and take the lands from Maki, Mother was pretty busy, it was only until a few weeks ago that she was able to find peace once again.

Now Maki still holds her family title and the lands that belong to her. And don’t worry, Kinji and Kirara stand in my mother's stead while she’s here. With them in Japan, the bastards won’t try to take advantage of her being on vacation. Actually, I don’t think it’s possible that they’ll try anything again, Mother made sure of it.

I only hope I am half the leader she is when it’s my turn to lead. Only two years left. Of course, mother says I can take my time, she doesn’t mind, but I know she’s exhausted, she can’t hide it from me anymore, I’m 16 now. And how could I delay mothers' hard work? She’s paved the way for me to step up and take my rightful place, I’m the future.

Or at least Mother says that’s what our people see when they look at me…if I’m honest I’m quite nervous, I wish you could comfort me.

One day right?

Anyway, speaking of mother, since we’ve gotten to our beach house mother has been lost in her thoughts a lot. She’s been more quiet than usual, she’s usually so happy and relaxed when she’s away from prying eyes and work, but ever since we’ve gotten here it seems like she’s…I don’t know, sad?

Maybe it’s her technique, she says she never regrets giving up her technique to save Choso’s life, but I see her, like I see her now out by the calm shore.

She misses the feel of the water embracing her, and I don’t mean the water we see around us, the small droplets of water not visible to the naked eye. She misses the fire's warmth under her skin, she misses the gentleness of the earth, and the whispers of the breeze. I know she does, I’m looking at her now, standing on the shore, letting the waves unfurl over her feet as she watches the horizon longingly.

I wish I could find something to say to her, like you always did—but then again, there Choso goes to her with little Ryusei in hand, and the moment they meet her at shore she smiles with all the endearment and joy, as if she’d give it all away without a thought just to live to see these moments.

But I still wonder what it is that has her so lost in thought…

Maybe I’ll ask her, what do you think?

Anyway, that's all for now. I’ll talk to you soon.

Love always, Satori

——

*YOU*

When is this loneliness supposed to go away? After ten years, the grief is supposed to turn to just simple memories and deep longing for the ones you lost, but the grief for Satoru still plagues you as if you had just lost him.

Why?

You grieved Suguru and came to peace with his loss. You were able to make peace with the loss of your twins and Kiyoshi. You grieved and moved from all those you lost. Choso, who has a big heart and spent a hundred and fifty years with his brothers was able to move on from his grief, but you can’t move past missing your brother.

You see him everywhere you go, no matter how far. He haunts your mind, and your dreams, and from time to time he plagues your happiness and turns it to ashes in your mouth.

You can be happy, you find your joy in many things, like Choso and all your children; and yes that includes Kirara and Hakari too. So you can be happy, but Satoru has left you living your worst fear. He’s left you alone for all eternity, and no matter how much you want to shake it, that ill feeling stays with you as if it were a part of you.

You do try to find a solution to your solitude, but it’s not in the breeze, or in the warm salt water that washes over your feet. It's not in the warm dancing flames or in the gentle earth. It lies in the grave with him. That’s your lifelong punishment…

You sigh deeply and longly, missing the approaching footsteps hitting the sand because of the waves crashing against shore. You don’t get alerted of the approaching presence until you hear a sweet voice call out to you. “Mama!”

You immediately find a reason to smile and when you turn around there they are like a light at the end of a tunnel, Choso and Ryusei.

“You’re finally awake!” You fawn over your 2-year-old child.

“You looked quite lonely out here,” Choso says as if he can read your mind. “So we thought we’d join you.”

You meet them halfway once they get close to shore and take Ryusei from Choso’s hold.

“You okay?” Choso presses, making your smile falter, but you don’t let Ryusei see it, you keep your smile plastered and that happy gleam in your eyes.

“Yeah, I’m just lost in thought,” you don’t lie since he knows you too well, and he also helps you in your lowest moments. You don’t want to lose that because you want to spare him from knowing your complex feelings; you'll talk to him in the same way he talks with you when it’s just the two of you alone.

“Hm,” Choso comprehends and closes the gap left between him and you to cup your cheek and caress your soft flesh.

“It’s a good thing we came when we did then, hm, Ryu?”

Said boy ignores his father and fiddles with the locket hanging off your neck.

“He hangs out too much with Yuji, don’t you, little one?” You tease him and tickle his belly, making him giggle before he searches the area.

“Uncle Yuji?” Ryusei now asks hopefully.

Choso shakes his head. “He’s not here yet, he’s coming tomorrow,”

Ryusei holds his father's gaze as the gears in his mind turn. He seems to understand the meaning but looks disappointed nonetheless.

“Maybe tonight we sleep outside?” You direct at Choso and bounce your eyebrows.

“Like in the grass?”

You look at him seriously before you snort and break into a lively chuckle. “No, silly, like in a tent. After we have a nice late-night picnic?”

“Oh.”

“Oh,” you nod with a grin. “I want to talk to you.”

Choso blinks and immediately stiffens. “About?” He probes.

You glance at the little boy in your arms and then back at Choso and shoot him a taunting smirk. “You’ll have to wait won’t you?”

Choso sighs and rolls his eyes. “It better be something worthwhile. You always leave me hanging.”

You giggle and lean towards him. “Aw baby, don’t worry,” you tease him. “We’re not breaking up. It’s not that talk.”

“Tsk.”

“Tsk,” Ryusei mocks his father, making both Choso and you look at your son quietly before you can’t help but feed into his habit by laughing. Ryusei laughs along with you but he’s quick to stray away and go limp, like a dead body, meaning he wants to be put down.

He’s so dramatic.

“All right, all right,” you trail off and put him down on the sand, but stay crouched to be at his level.

“Want to put your feet in the water?” You ask as you plant your palm on the sand and let him watch the wave roll over your hand before it gently pulls away.

Ryusei sees that it’s not hurting you so he bends down to mimic you and place his palm on the sand. As the wave takes a second to approach he looks back at Choso cautiously, but your husband shows no fear to reassure the boy.

“It’s okay,” Choso tells him. “It won’t hurt you this time.”

After being shoved back by a rough wave Ryusei has been very cautious about stepping back into the ocean or lake. He likes baths just fine, it’s just these large bodies of water that he’s grown very cautious over, so ever since then you’ve been trying to pull that fear out of him as best as you can without the abilities that once would wow Nanako, Mimiko, and Satori when they were children.

Albeit it's hard, it’s safe to say Ryusei wouldn’t have inherited your elemental technique if those still existed. Perhaps not even blood manipulation, he’s too gentle for it. Maybe something new, but who knows now.

Nevertheless, the wave finally rolls back in, but the moment the water submerges Ryusei’s hand he shrieks and quickly throws himself on you to escape such an evil element.

“Oh,” you coo and stifle your laugh. “It’s okay, the water is a good friend.”

You wrap your arm around him and lean in to press a kiss on his cheek, but Ryusei immediately pulls away as if you’ve done something horrible and wipes away your kiss.

“That’s mean Ryu,” Choso remarks, but the boy ignores him and instead points at his dad, meaning one thing, so you can’t help but flash a flustered smile before you give him what he wants and lean towards Choso to give him a juicy kiss on his lips, making Choso beam at you, and Ryusei giggle and cling onto you.

If this had been Amaterasu when she was Ryusei’s age, she would have smacked you for giving her dad so much affection in front of her. She was very clinging to Choso when she was younger, she still is, but less so because she’s 6 now. “She’s a big girl”, she says—Whatever, Daddy’s girl.

Nonetheless, just as you're thinking of the girl, she comes over running as if your thoughts had summoned her.

“Daddy! Mom! Suki and Tsu are fighting!”

Of course, peace is merely a dream now in your house, and it seems that as the older they get the chaos only gets wilder. But you can’t complain, they’re the reason you smile.

“They listen to you,” Choso immediately tells you as the shouting approaches.

“Yeah because I put my foot down,” you remind him of your stricter ways. “But I don’t think they need me to intervene yet.

“You’ll ground them ma?” Amaterasu immediately searches for strife. “I told them you would, Tsu pulled Suki's hair!”

You and Choso share a knowing look before drifting your focus to Suki and Tsukuyomi approaching whilst they’re in the midst of an argument of whodunit.

“Why do you always act so grown!” Suki shouts after her brother. “You never listen to me, I didn’t do it!”

Baby Ryusei turns to watch his siblings as they get closer with way too much amusement.

“Mom!” Tsukuyomi calls out for you and picks up his pace when he spots you close to the shore. “Mom, Suki—”

“Yeah snitch to mommy, mommas boy,” Suki grumbles with no attempt to actually be discreet, which in turn causes Tsukuyomi to halt dead in his tracks and spin on his heels to let his twin sister come to a skidding stop so he can pull her hair in the blink of an eye.

Ryusei bursts out laughing as if it’s the funniest thing in the world, while Tsukuyomi exclaims at his sister. “Shithead!”

Suki grabs his wrist and doesn’t get discouraged, she snaps back just as fiercely. “Amaterasu said that because it’s true,” she snickers, and the youngest girl lunges towards them to lie and defend herself.

“No, I didn’t! Daddy,” she drags Choso in. “I didn’t say it!”

Choso brushes his bangs back and walks over to break up the fight, you would go but it would just turn into a family brawl so you stay back and watch with slight amusement that might be too provoking in the sensitive situation, but you can’t help it. Besides, Satori walks over to join in the chaos and feeds you the correct intel.

“Suki and Amaterasu read Tsukuyomi’s journal and accidentally made it known by dropping water on some pages.”

Oh, sweet Amaterasu is such a good liar. You can imagine where she inherited such a habit, but you don’t want to even think of him. If Choso was okay with lying, he would tell his kids he and his brothers were gifted to his mother by some divine miracle, but if the kids ask he’s as honest as he can be. He’s too sweet to them, and as much as it bothers you at times, you can’t stay bothered or tell him to change, you love, love! that Choso is such a sweet and caring father, but sometimes it makes you the bad guy because you’re the one that disciplines them, but you don’t mean any harm and they know that when the storm passes. And as long as they do you’re okay with being the stricter parent, all you want is for them to have a sweet Father who isn’t afraid to love them.

You and Choso never had a caring father, so you want them to know a father's love, the same way Satori still cherishes Suguru’s unconditional love.

“Are you okay?” Satori breaks you away from the tension.

“Hm?” You probe in confusion.

Satori brushes her hair behind her ear and swallows back nervously before repeating herself. “Are you okay?”

You’re worried that she perhaps saw you outside wallowing in your solitude, but you’re also caught off guard because as you stare into her dark eyes you fail to see your little girl, she’s so grown up now; so much more mature and aware. It scares you that she’s so big, but you can’t help but be in awe too.

And as much as you want to hide your problems to spare her, you know that because she’s getting older she can bear more than she could when she was a child. So with some hesitance, you actually speak the sad truth. “I just miss Satoru, that's all.”

You briefly hold her gaze and see joy in her eyes because you confided in her, but you also catch pity for you too.

“Well,” she speaks softly. “It’s like Choso says, he lives inside us now, right?”

You sigh deeply and nod stiffly. “Yeah, that’s right. It’s just hard sometimes you know?”

“Hm, yeah I miss my dad all the time,” she says, making you close the gap between you to wrap your arm around her shoulder and pull her into a partial embrace.

Ryusei sees what’s happening and hugs your neck while he watches his father talk to the kids. You watch him too with a smile filled with pride and glee, but you also watch him with impatience because of what you have planned for the two of you later when the house is asleep and you finally have time to yourselves.

With four kids in the house, your time alone isn’t as common, so your escapes to be alone are special, especially the ones you plan because he always likes to beat you to the punch.

Nevertheless, what should’ve been a nice and passionate date outside under the clear night-littered sky, is ruined. Not by your children, but by rain that caught you by surprise and ruined your camping plans.

“Damn it! This sucks!” You whine.

Choso watches the rain fall over the tent and chuckles softly, making you pout.

“I told you it was going to rain today,” he remarks in amusement.

“It smells like rain doesn’t mean a thing,” you mock him and turn away from the back door to try and think of a quick solution that doesn’t involve just returning to your room and doing something there.

“Here,” Choso offers before he speed walks past you to exit the room, but then quickly return with your picnic box that you had pre-boxed while Ryusei ate his dinner.

“As much as I do enjoy a good time in the rain, we are more fragile now,” you remind him as if it hasn’t been a decade since you lost your techniques. “And as much as I do like taking care of you while you’re sick, please don’t do it on purpose.”

Choso shoots you a smirk before setting the box down, and pulling a blanket and candles out without letting your gaze go the entire time. And this time instead of interjecting you excitedly watch him extend the blanket in front of the glass door, and light the candles with a single match.

When he sits down he points to the empty spot across from him and you beam at him with admiration before plopping down and blurt the love you can’t contain. “See,” you whisper so sweetly that honey oozes off your voice. “I needed you.”

Through the candlelight you see Choso’s cheeks grow red the same way they did when you first met.

Even so, however, he doesn’t hold back either, he looks at you with never-ending love and admiration and fills the silence with sweet words. “And I’m glad my 150 years led me to you.”

You gasp softly and hold his gaze, and just like many times before, you see your happiness and the reminder of why you’ll never regret giving away a part of yourself for him. As strong as your technique made you, you love him more. And that will be the same in every lifetime.

You’re happy your life led you to him every day, even with all the bad you endured, you’ll go through it all again just be with him.

Does it sound selfish?

Maybe, but you don’t care.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N- Don’t you love when the ghosts of the dead haunt the mc’s? I love that trope! Also if Satoru somehow lives in the manga wouldn’t a sequel of this series be cool?

Tagged- @deniseabad1928 @secondary-character-25 @starlightanyaaa @notsaelty @d4rno @moonnime @kodzukein @yozora7154 @heijihattorisgf @elegantweirdorchest @natakina

[tag-that-oc]

Do you have any Ocs you’d like to talk about??

oh boy do i

im gonna introduce my scrungly my poor little meow meow my pathetic loser the love of my life. Arvid Sheldon Moreno <3

ill add trigger tags too of course but just in case: warning for abuse, violence, death, and kidnapping

first of all i am a Terrible artist but here's a commission i got of him from the lovely jester @/ghostcasket (with commissions still open here is the info post. go commission them he's wonderful)

anyways. ARVID. basically he's a second generation oc from the project me and the other mod have. he is like. 3/4 alien?? something like that. but he was born on earth and that's where he grew up.

his parents are lovely and perhaps very strange but they are so good to their kids. Arvid is a mama's boy in particular he is very close to her and very protective of her.

so. what's wrong with him then???? surely he has Every Problem Ever. well he does. when he was a kid he didn't really have any friends. he was outcasted and bullied from various sources but none more so than Alex. fuck Alex we hate that guy.

Alex caused problems for Arvid basically his whole life. he was harassed and followed and beaten and manipulated and. well a lot of things!!

Arvid met and became friends with Izan who was infinitely better for Arvid and nicer and they were just really close. however that didn't stop Alex from being an asshole ya know. and it got even worse when Izan broke off from Arvid due to trying to manage his own trauma of a recent event unrelated to Arvid's stuff

so what did Arvid do? he clung to Alex and they became "friends". during this time Alex really drilled into Arvid's head the idea that he shouldn't cry, that he was weak, that no one else could tolerate him, and Arvid believed it all. things escalated until Alex and one of his other friends attacked and stabbed Arvid during a time when Izan and Arvid were trying to patch things up. and they left him there.

Izan got him help, but Arvid refused to let Alex get into trouble. in fact he had a strong fondness and loyalty to him and so what did he do? he confessed that he was in love with Alex. and Alex, ever amused and delighted by the power and control he had over Arvid, accepted his confession and they started dating.

and they didn't break up for a really really long time!

however this is all the backstory info! (well not all of his backstory but Some of it) this isn't even taking into account the story events! the story events being Arvid and his entire family gets kidnapped and taken to an alien planet because these fucked up brothers were trying to get and erase information on the esp experiments that happened during the first generation (meaning the things Arvid's parents went through) and. well long story short Dawson (does anyone remember when i talked about him?) was forced by his older brothers to kill Arvid and his mom. fucked up!!

but it's okay, isn't it? yeah Arvid comes back to life thanks to a wish made by Dawson on this super powerful wish granting magical rock. and they all live happily ever after on earth!

but not really.

when Arvid gets back he discovers that in addition to being brought back to life, he's now immortal. which is the LAST thing he wants because he didn't even want to be brought back to life if he was being honest. and Alex being the wonderful person he is decides to use this to his advantage (basically isn't it fun to kill your boyfriend over and over while he remains blindly loyal to you? Alex seems to think so)

however Arvid has other relationship drama going on. he has feelings for soo many other people but didn't feel worthy enough to be in a relationship with any of them. why would anyone ever like him back ya know?

except a lot of them did like him back. a lot actually. and Arvid starts dating others and building this lovely little polycule of people who really and genuinely love and care about him. and it takes a long time, but eventually Arvid breaks things off with Alex and tries to be happy. key word being that he tries because sometimes he doesn't do a very good job of it. he's still got it in his head that he deserves to suffer and will go on self destructive spirals now that he doesn't have a boyfriend beating him to shit constantly anymore.

some fun facts about Arvid is that he's a supervillain. i mean not Really a supervillain but he's a loser and tells everyone that he's evil. type of guy to steal from large corporations but not from local places. but this is all evil deeds he swears it. he also has plans to take over the world which he only shares with people he really trusts. he's so lame <3

he's also extremely emotional and will cry really easily but. well due to Alex Reasons he will belittle himself for showing sadness. he is obsessed with people seeing him as strong when his 5'3 ass can't even open a pickle jar

Arvid is also very very soft and sensitive about bugs he loves bugs!!! they were his best friends back when he didn't have any friends and even now he still treats them so gently. it's a really cool contrast to his usual edgy personality.

also!! he has really bad luck all the time <3 constantly tripping over stuff and falling in puddles and breaking his phone and. other bad luck stuff.

anyways i hope you enjoyed my insane ramblings about my scrungy little guy

[wisteria-lodge]

snake primary + neutral snake secondary

Hello. I decided to write this according to the list you gave. I have a huge struggle with my primary. I guess it is burned, but I don’t know what it is, or I don’t want to see it because that hurts my ego if it sounds completely fake or in some way empty, or I just don’t vibe with it. Which I understand is an issue in itself. 

An interesting issue. You don’t want a primary assigned to you because you’re worried it’ll sound fake? I’ll keep an eye on that. 

For my secondary I guess it is just straight up a lion, mostly being off or burned, burned badger or bird. I definitely use pre-made personas in social or stressful situations, but I prepare so little that I could be anyone. 

This sounds like Burnt Bird secondary “I do the Bird secondary thing, but not very well.” Or possibly a Bird secondary model that you wish you didn’t have to use. 

Before I have to tell you even if I don’t have clinical depression or a diagnosis, I don’t feel happy, and it probably shows. I am someone who cries every time they see Everything Everywhere All At Once, which at this point probably tells a lot about a person. 

… it tells me that you’re very probably neurodivergent. Very possibly ADHD, but I don’t like to diagnose in these things. (Not actually possible anyway.) 

Also, heads up for my English, it is nowhere near perfect or fluent, so there might be some annoying mistakes, even though I know you don’t point it out to people. I ran it through a grammar check, but I have little doubt I missed something.

1.

Sometimes I wish I’d care more about other people, about strangers, but I don’t care much naturally, and it becomes even more pronounced when I am stressed or having to spend a lot of my energy outside myself. Then, that gaze towards outside shuts down, and I stop focusing and giving attention to other people.

You’re not naturally a Badger, taking meaning and energy from the community. Snake is absolutely possible, especially with the way Snakes will focus very intensely on their own bodies when they haven’t got a lot of extra energy to spare. Like, sure you’d like to do more, and doing more makes you feel like a good person, but that’s extra.

A co-worker could be talking about their accident and what happened to their family, and I would stare blindly and think to myself they are trying to get sympathy and I would not budge at this point. While more normally I would give them it, even if I didn’t feel sorry for them. 

You might also just be low empathy, which is… just kind of a neutral thing. I’m low empathy. A lot of people actually find it comforting that they can be upset around me without getting doubly stressed that they’re making my day worse. 

After all, some emotional work needs to be put into maintaining relationships and keeping it alive.

True. And the way you just kind of put that out there as a kind of ‘Rule to Live By’ is actually making me think Bird primary is possible... or a Bird primary model over a burnt primary?

2. 

As a kid I was timid, afraid to explore town, thinking someone will come and say I can’t walk there. I was never peaceful, but I followed my mother’s advice to ignore bullies and don’t give them attention. Jokes on me – I never learned how to fight and argue. I remember myself hot headed, attention seeking, trying to talk with others, even making up lies or cutting bangs by myself just so people notice me. But I was always careful not to make trouble for my mother, be safe, get no injuries, clothes fine and without a rip. 

I’m leaning more Snake primary for you. Your mother is clearly a very important figure in your life, and what she thinks and values is important, because she thinks it. You ignore bullies, don’t wander, and don’t get in trouble because your Mom told you not to… but there’s still this undercurrent of but I would have liked to. In fact, the way you behave for your mom seems to be very at odds with the “attention seeking” “hot-headed” “notice-me” behavior from the rest of your life. I’m considering Snake secondary (because of the different faces for differnt people) or Lion/Burnt Lion secondary (because you would have liked learning how to fight and argue.) 

I was obsessed with Three Musketeers, friendship and finding connection. I would focus on a small group of people or even one person and hold onto it. It started getting really hard time when I had no friends whatever. That pushed me into survival mode and made me quiet and thoughtful.

This focus on small groups of friends is making me really lean Snake primary. (Also, if you’re a Snake Lion, then The Three Musketeers would be *the* perfect media for you.) 

3. 

I think I solve low-stakes problems with something that looks like a snake or rapid fire bird.  I think if I can and have someone close I can call for help, I will. Once in the dorms my European windows fall off the hinges, I couldn’t close it or put it back. I could have definitely done it myself with more time and more focusing and seeing how things work. But I had a friend living there next to me, so I asked them to come. Not that they knew more about windows than I did, but as out both room windows were similar in age maybe they would have a similar issue and know what to do. I don’t think they did, but it was fun and I wish I could do it more - meeting life with your friends and not alone, that’s why I called them. Administration would have been the last resort, they were pretty meh. I think we just ended looking around and putting it back in somehow, just trying to close it in different ways. I was always careful with it after that.

That’s lovely. And… weirdly I think I’m going to put this in for primary, for that whole “meeting life not alone” thing. That’s bigger than just problem solving, that’s getting into why you do things at all. 

The actual problem solving seems to be “lets compare the broken window to a similar, not-broken window and see what’s wrong.” There’s a *little* I Know A Guy bird in this ‘who specifically do I know who would be able to solve this problem.’ But I could honestly see coming from any secondary. 

4. 

In high-stake situations, the most important thing to me is reaching a mental space where I am stable, looking around without panic. That’s why sometimes, instead of pulling an all-nighter before an exam I turned on a movie. I just couldn’t deal with the stress and said bye lol. I didn’t do it all the time, I also studied a lot, alone and with friends, although I cannot say where studying or the movie was more useful. I personally would say in high-stakes situations it’s most critical to try to calm down and manage my stress and anxiety. 

This is making me say Improvisational secondary (Lion or Snake.) Extra preparation isn’t going to comfort you, it’s going to mess you up. You’re not a Bird or Badger, who’ll get stressed out if they don’t read their notes over one more time. You want the mental space and agility to correctly read and correctly respond to the situation, and so you’re giving yourself the best chance for that.

I had experience with bad roommates so in dorms I wanted to live alone, not bother or bothering someone. While this opinion wasn’t allowed legally in our college, students would bribe administrator. I hate bribing, giving chocolate for literally noticing me in someone’s place (it’s a bribe older generation does here while asking employees for something they think is a favor, but it’s kind of their job; why don’t we just stop being assholes to each other instead? I am not sure other parts of the world does this so hence the explanation). 

It’s interesting. You’re describing bribing, like - yeah you’re breaking the rules… but everyone does it, and everyone knows everyone does it, and to some degree you’re even expected to do it. But even though it’s kind of normal, it still bothers you. And this would bother a Lion secondary (who love to be straightforward and honest) more than it would bother a Snake (who might not even think of giving an administrator a “”gift”” as a bribe.) 

As I mentioned earlier, administrator was meh and everyone and their mother knew it, so you can imagine I thought this is big, and I have to survive this and come on top.

This is very Snake primary energy, it has that practicality I absolutely love. 

Money, I thought, should be the most useful, but there’s also too much and too little. In short, I sit down, wrote an application, had an envelope in my bag, talked a bit about how I would like to live alone and tried to slip it out of my bag on the table as it was nothing special. The most interesting thing was that he seemed amused all this time, and even then, I had my hair down and had lipstick on, so I don’t know, maybe my baby face looked interesting, or maybe that’s just stress distorting my memories. I was kind of prepared, but not really if you know what I mean, I obviously needed more information, but I was either naïve and thought this will work or this will be enough. In some way I was also mostly thinking I hate this, this either will work with how much I prepared or not, let’s go in and see. Maybe not good enough for sorting according to high-stakes situations but thank gods in some way that the only ones I had are like this one or exams.

Now that I have built your anticipation,

You absolutely have, I am extremely invested in this story. 

let’s check together how that ended up for me, shall we? I did get a room for myself, and I really loved the room I got the first year there. Its window opened up to a street, I saw a lot of trees, sky, a neighboring apartment complex that did not belong to college. The bribery? It went well, they were either monitored or they actually meant what they said that they can’t guarantee me anything, and that the college had plans to reduce the available space due to shortage of students. So in the end, I left with my money, a little bruised dignity and a new experience, that I knew I would never want to repeat. We just do what we need to do, and what we are okay about doing, no?

I hate bribery, but I wanted to live alone more, so it weighted over.

Something like that (and this whole story, really) makes me think your primary is fighting with your secondary. You think bribing is wrong, and your Lion secondary hates not just being direct and ASKING for what you want... but you want that private room, so of course you go for it. You had a bad experience in dorms before, you’re going to protect yourself. That’s the decision that you feel best about. 

And when it came down to this conversation, you got dressed up, you considered your appearance and how you came across, you thought about what the right level of bribery would be. But in the end, you think that the fact that you looked “interesting” got you through. And “this either will work with how much I prepared or not, let’s go in and see” is SO Lion. It’ll work, or it won’t, it’s out of my hands. 

5.

Recently I made a hard decision of whether to go back home or stay. Decisions are hard for me, especially when neither one nor the other option look better. I tried to take all that I have gathered about the situation and see which side is/feels stronger, which one has more value. 

I’m starting to see what’s got you confused about your primary. One thing about being in a Snake is that decisions get a lot harder when they don’t affect your personal safety and well-being, or the safety and well-being of your People. You’re making a decision with ALL the tools here - gathering information to know which side is stronger (Bird), asking yourself what side feels stronger (Lion), and also considering which side has more value (depending on exactly what you mean by “value,” this could be Badger or Snake. All those approaching are going to give you slightly different answers. 

I left unfriendly environment which saw no value in me or my culture for a more friendly place, where my roots are, where I can make my own decisions, but I had to leave my family. I didn’t feel good there, had no one I wanted to hold onto. But even though I am not a badger, but I am still in a missing people mood. 

I bet you are. You’re a Snake, and you don’t have any People right now. (You’re not Burned. You’ve just recently moved to a new place, and don’t have any People yet.)

This was absolutely the Snake decision, also. You didn’t feel valued, so you went where you knew you could set things up the way you like them. You left your family to do it, and sure leaving your family hurts, but I think you would have felt like you’d betrayed yourself if you stayed.

Connection is so human, and we fuck it up so bad from so early on. Does it matter if you still feel alone around people who surround you? It doesn’t, so maybe it’s better to let your family members rest, be somewhere lonely without them and try to do it yourself. Is it already depressing? I am sorry I hope this doesn’t feel like trauma dumping.

Nah, you’re fine. You’re absolutely going to find people you connect to. 

6.

My fantasies change with time depending on what inspires and moves me then. I fantasize about a Scandinavian style house, surrounded by snow and a night sky, full of books and huge windows when I just want to run away. Other times I fantasize about being a powerful wizard on the run or in disguise, just trying to live with friends, accepted and running from some kind of huge responsibilities or a war. Not that I never fantasized about something more ambitious, but that probably changed with how my life experiences shaped the worldview I have now. Do I have to mention fantasies of falling in love with someone nice while doing something that I like and brings me joy or is that just basic haha?

The “living with friends/falling in love with someone nice”... that’s very human, but since this significant other person features heavily in a short description of your fantasy, going to put that as a point for Snake primary. 

7.

The characters I identify most with probably has nothing to do with me or who I am, more with how I see them. I identify with Lorelai from Gilmore Girls. In my opinion, she has a similar energy to me, to what I think I am inside or could be with a little more stability and confidence. She talks nonsense, and it is fine most of the time, people still like her. She loves her community, her little town, she creates life there and doesn’t wish to leave, and she doesn’t feel a need to run or rush somewhere. I feel I am most healthy and stable when that rush leaves me, and I am stable enough in here and now to actually live there. 

I was honestly pretty happy with Lion Secondary as a sorting for you. But now I wonder. This doesn’t seem like something a Lion secondary would say. It seems like a Neutral Snake would say. And Lorelai is a VERY loud Neutral Snake (and a very loud Snake primary.

Now, Lion secondaries can be mellow, and just want to Vibe, but I absolutely do see shape-shifting capabilities from you, and I wouldn’t expect to see them from a Lion (unless you also had models or performances.) When you were a kid you were careful and thinking a lot about the ‘correct’ thing around your mom, but wild around your friends. In the bribing situation you came in with a persona, but then switched around - you’re funny, you’re interesting, you’re naive. Also in the wizard fantasy - you’re running away from the war, you don’t want to deal with it. Lion secondaries tend to fantasize about being revolutionaries or leading armies. 

Snake Secondaries who like staying in Neutral have a blunt take-it-or-leave it quality which I do see from you, but you also seem just... kind of tired. Not Burnt, but just kind of done with dealing with a family who makes you feel lonely, an administration who isn’t helpful, an environment that doesn’t value your culture... no wonder you just want the ability to just say whatever, and not have to think about it. 

I also think that the lack of a Person (which is a primary issue) is making this whole ask much more ‘authenticity’ flavored than it would be otherwise. You want, you really really desperately want a person to trust enough, and value enough, to be that level of authentic with. 

I identify with Joy from Everything Everywhere, because she feels like a friend who doesn’t need you to tell them how you feel in these feeble words, she looks at you, and she knows, the whole movie knows. 

You’re fantasizing about someone who just *gets* you, immediately. (You’re fantasizing about a Person.)

Likewise, I identify with Hunter from The Owl House. He says he misses knowing who he supposed to be. He comes from a really unhealthy background, but I just feel happy thinking how not only he himself warms up to people, but others warm up to him, see good in him, accept him and start to care, not how good people care, but how a friend cares. Hahaha, I identify with Pippin from LOTR movies, because he makes mistakes, and everyone around him is like WTF can you not, why don’t you just stand in one place or be tied to a leash? He’s not stupid, he’s not careless, he’s not bad or ignorant per se, mistakes just happen, it’s natural and instead of being made to feel wrong, let’s just not do that and make it normal, because it will happen, and we will learn from our mistakes without pressure or shouting. It’s a miracle Pippin wants to do things after all.

You’re fantasizing about getting a group of People. Don’t think it’s at all a coincidence that both the Owl House and the Lord of the Rings focus on a small, rag-tag group of people who don’t quite fit, for one reason or another. I also think you’ve probably been dealing with someone who does not react to *normal* mistakes in a healthy way. So of course Pippin and Hunter would be comforting. 

8.

Things that make me feel powerful? Money, having choices, being able to say no, I will not do anything of what you suggest and instead do this completely different thing. Because I can, because I want it, because I can see I will succeed, I will make it. I can choose to do things my way. You need money or other resources to be able to do that. Calling a plumber and being able to pay them would make me more powerful than waiting for someone I know do me a favor based on our relationship. While not being able to select what I want, or having crappy choices wherever I look makes me feel locked up and incredible passive. To quote the quiz, helplessness doesn’t make me angry, it freezes m, but I don’t get angry.

Damn. Yeah, I don’t know what I can say to any of that. What is power? Money, and the ability to say no. And really, when you get down to it - money is important when it allows to say no. The more you can say no, the more powerful you are. 

9.

Recently graduating was the most difficult thing I had to do. I had little to no help, big expectations from the board and little freedom on what decision I could make. Myself already being anxious about what I will do in the future and this major giving me panic attacks in the making did not help focus and do it right. I wonder would it have been better if I majored in something I loved but was kind of useless, than something I hated but what is seen as practical and marketable.

There really isn’t a right answer there. Not everyone needs to love their job, but some do. Some people are fine without a steady paycheck, or without a large paycheck - but some aren’t. Any decision that involves the future like that is going to be a gamble. And I guess I’m at the point now, with how fast the world and the economy is changing, that trying to guess what will be practical and marketable ten years down the line - isn’t nearly as sure a thing as it used to be. 

From what I’ve gathered, thesis can feel useless. I knew a guy who paid someone to write it for him, and honestly with my own experience I wouldn’t care about ethics of it now and would have rather done that if I could have a chance. In the end, how exactly writing your last paper, thesis shows your skills? Sure, you can follow academic paper writing rules, you can use computer, you can read and gather information from research papers, and you can ignore your anxiety and interview people, interpret their answers and have enough skill in a language you are using to not only make sense but follow all the rules. I guess you can use the skills somewhere; I am just talking myself out of this idea. Wait, if someone who never majored in your area and does not have the skills you worked for, can write you a paper and write it good, it’s not an excellent way to evaluate someone.

Yeah, Snake secondary for sure. And what can I say, you make a compelling case. The structural problems in academia, the classism, the behind-the-times - it’s very much still there, and there are lots of people who can talk about it much better than I can. 

My friends were busy with their own stuff, my family were far away and with a big generational gap, professors didn’t help and then evaluated me strangely. It was really hard to see a person I knew for a few years, liked, wanted to impress be against me. Sorry I am tired, but I really needed to write something, and this seemed like a good thing to occupy myself with. Off course, I don’t know how you feel about academic unfaithfulness, but from my perspective, my experience was shitty enough that I wouldn’t give a flying sausage if there would be a next time, especially if I did everything else the right way. I really don’t know how much it was me, because it was me in some ways, but I still think my supervisor didn’t help me, but was ready to judge me. She probably felt she wasn’t paid enough to deal with my problems then. Right. You know what I want to do now? I want to never look back, never get back there, and never even touch this major. I want to leave it in the past and start anew. I want to be able to choose and not be tied to it.

Spoken like a snake secondary. And no wonder why you seem so tired. Also, being treated badly by your advisor is going to hurt anybody... but ESPECIALLY a snake primary. 

Thank you for your time. Have a great day. Or night.

I will. :) Thanks for writing in.

[ultimate-truth]

Don't lose yourself

Summary : No summary actually, just the first thing I ever wrote. Accept any king of criticism and/or advices, opinions about my writing.

Enjoy

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Many people, the cult members and also your friends, who only knew one side of Kai, wondered why you were with him. What do you see in him that makes you stay and accept what he is and what he does? The truth is that all you want is to somehow stop him at some point, but you're still working on it, and not to put him in prison, you want to save him. You know and you have little moments where you see that there's something not evil in him at all, and he shows little gestures of affection towards you that make you melt, but it's not like you're blind. You have convinced yourself that this is how he shows his love for you, and you have done it because you believe that people should not hurt those they are in love with, and it somehow makes you less afraid that he might snap or think you do not belong in the group at any time. And to be honest, you do not even know how you ended up in this cult because you hate any kind of brutality, blood makes you sick and masks in general turn your stomach because you just do not find them interesting in any way. But now you are part of a cult that is more than just brutal, the members kill because they follow Kai without questioning him, at least not out loud, and the masks they wear are disgusting. The only time you sounded like him and he did the pinky power with you was after you both went on your first date and you confessed that you would love to hunt down any monster who hurts children, who abuses women just because they think they can and get away with it, and you described in detail how you would torture them until all they could do was wish for death so they would not feel anything. He was mesmerized by how hateful and full of venom and passion you sounded, and it probably made him think you would fit into the group, but even when you became part of the group, you didn’t participate in any of the murders they committed, and that made you think he could make you watch or be part of a murder at any time to test you. He was way too casual with you compared to the rest of the group , who just think you are a cute girl who's just blindly in love with their leader. And honestly, you were not sure if you were in love or just formed an unhealthy attachment to him.

The only thing that comes to your mind is that all your good intentions to save him will hurt or even kill you , because everyone knew what Kai was like: disagreeing with his ideas and portraying him as crazy was tantamount to humiliation and made him look like an idiot, so the whole journey of "quitting" will be a roller coaster ride and you have to be careful not to lose yourself in the process.

..............................................................................................................................

"Y/n, do you want to go on about what happened after that? You have been explaining the same thing over and over for the last four sessions, and in order to make progress in our therapy sessions, you need to uncover all the memories of what happened then." You heard what the doctor said, but you were not completely with it and despite the hard things you went through, it did not make you any stronger, you were already strong without realizing it, but being part of this cult and part of Kai's life has taken every last drop of strength you had before.

[13as07]

Attachment

(Jiraiya)

[Art work is not mine! Credit to kokodraws01]

Requested by: Myself

Keys:

Y/N: Your Name

Word Count: 4.517

Warnings and/or Pre-Notes:

Non-romantic one-shot; more fatherly one-shot vibes

This is 100% word vomit so I’m sorry

———————————————————————

I can feel my fingers going numb as I cling to the vest of the Anbu that's been babysitting me the past couple of days. They hate when I call it babysitting but it's what they've been doing. "Kid, loosen your grip," my makeshift nanny says, trying to force my grip loose. I do as I'm told, loosening my hold a bit so my knuckles are no longer white.

      I keep a hold on them though, following behind them blindly as we weave around the Hokage's palace. I don't know why I'm here. All I've been told is Lord Third wants me to meet someone. It's probably another shabby attempt at adoption.

     Ever since Lord Fourth died, I along with his baby have been left alone in the world. I've seen the baby a few times. He's the cutest little bean in the world. Chucks of blonde hair on his head, cute little whiskers imprinted on his face, and the chubbiest cheeks I've ever seen. I think his name is Naruto but I'm not too sure about that either. I'm not too sure about anything.

     I can't tell if I'm looking into it too much or not but I'm pretty sure Lord Third has been purposely keeping me away for Minato's and Kushina's baby. I think the Lord is worried I'll get too attached to the baby. After all, Kushina and her husband took me in after my father's death during the war. That technically makes me the bean's family I suppose.

Maybe the Lord is right for keeping Naruto and me apart. He has to have his reasonings for it. I know the little bean has the Nine-Tail locked up in him, just like his mother did. Maybe that's why the Kage is so worried about Naruto getting attached to me, or me to him.

From my thoughts consuming my attention, I don't notice Mr - or Ms - Nanny has stopped, which causes me to bump into them. "I'm sorry," I murmur, getting sharp eyes cast down at me. Not the best reaction but better than a lecture.

"Remember your manners," Nanny says, glaring at me for another second before opening the door in front of us.

     The command is a mix of my mouth with the Hokage and said attitude scaring off the people who were 'considering taking me in'. I have a bad - ego-humbling - habit of reminding Lord Third that he's not Minato, among other things. I think Kushina would be proud of me. Maybe that's why the Kage doesn't want me around her son.

"Y/N," Nanny's voice husks out, a warning in their tone as they tug the door half open, eyes peering down at me again. Maybe Nanny is a mister.

     "Yes, Nanny," I mumble, pushing past them and walking through the doorway.

     "I am not your nanny!" They call a bit huffy as they follow behind. "I am a high-ranked Shinobi of our village! I am not a nanny!"

I let my eyes roll at their tantrum, a bit of a smile tugging at my lips. Who knew it would be so easy to break the ego of an anbu?

"Y/N!" Lord Third calls, his fake chirp to it.

"Third," I mumble, doing a half curtsey. It might make me a bad person but I can't stop wishing Lord Third died instead of Minato. Maybe he knows that and that's why he doesn't want me near the baby.

     "Jiraiya, this is the girl I was telling you about," the Lord says, turning his attention away from me.

     I perk up a bit from the name. I've heard a bit about the frog-themed sage; most notably from Minato. Kushina talked about him a bit but most of the time she just called him a pervert.

The old man looks exactly as Minato described him; red strips down his face and fluffy wolf-like white hair. He's a weird-looking man.

"Is this another attempt of you pushing off your responsibilities?" I ask before I can stop myself. I can feel the anbu's glare from here. So much for watching my manners.

A string of coughs comes from the Kage before he clears his throat. "No, no, no. Of course not. I'm just-"

"Sick of me? You know, when Minato couldn't handle my attitude he'd go for a walk. He didn't pawn me off to the nearest person." Maybe I am just being difficult.

The room goes silent as a lovely staring contest starts. Anbu glaring at me. I try not to let the regret of my words sit on my face as I look at the Hokage. Lord Third looking at me with wide eyes and a fish mouth as he struggles with his words. Lastly, Frog Man flipping between Third and me.

"As I was saying," the Lord finally pushes out, his attention turning away from me again. "Minato's student has seemed to inherit his wife's... personality." The word is painfully obvious to be a cover-up. It makes a happy smirk sit on my face. Kushina would be proud... I think. "On the plus side, it seems she did inherit Minato's drive for service too."

"Ya, no," I cut off, my previous smirk falling off my face. "I'm not willing to die for this village, much less you." I take it back, I'm not being difficult. Lord Third is a jerk and I just happen to treat him as one.

Once again silence falls over the room with stares filling it up. "So..." the white-haired man starts, "your S.O.S message was for this brat?" He asks, thumb pointed at me.

     "I'm not a brat!" I bark back, arms crossing over my chest as I glare at the frog.

     "Yes, you are."

     "No, I'm not."

     "Well, I've never met a not-brat that so openly insults the Hokage."

     "Well I've never met a Hokage that pushes off his responsibilities to the point that his co-worker dies," I hiss out, teeth clenched hard enough that ripples of pain circle around my jaw.

     A gasp falls from the anbu posted up at the door. The gasp is quickly followed by a deep, exhausted sigh from the old man behind the desk. "Y/N," Kage says slowly, eyes snapping closed and another sigh spilling from him. "I... please wait outside."

     "And if I don't?"

     "Out-" Lord Third yells before softening his tone, "-side, please."

     I let my eyes slit, nails digging into my arms as I stare at the sorry excuse for a leader. "Don't be mad at me because Minato was a better Hokage in his short rein than you've been for the past handful of decades."

     Lord Third's face scrunches up, his knuckles bumping against his desk a couple of times before he opens his eyes. "Please wait outside," he repeats, tone even and cold. I hit a nerve with that insult. Good, he deserves it. If Lord Third has no haters left, just know I'm buried six feet under.

     I glare at the village leader for another beat before turning away. I waste no time weaseling out the door, anbu glare hot on heels.

     I hate my nanny, I hate Lord Third, I hate the frog man, and I hate Minato for dying. How could he die? How could he leave Naruto with so much responsibility at the very start of his life? How could he leave his son alone in this world? How could he leave me all alone?

     The tile of the floor is cold as I sink to it. My knees bump against my chest as I curl myself up into a small, hatred-filled ball. How much trouble would I get into for swinging on Lord Third?

     The thought scares me a bit. I know the Shinobi life is filled with a lot of violence, a lot of sadness, a lot of death, but how could I have a thought like that? How could I so quickly jump to violence? Especially against a fellow Shinobi? The Hokage none-the-less?

     The anger in my chest quickly bubbles over to sadness. I hate this month. It's the worst month of my whole life.

——————————————

     That was... interesting. Sarutobi-Sensei wasn't kidding when he said the kid has the 'personality' of Kushina.

     My eyes trail after the girl as she sulks out of the room, her anger filtering out with her. I've heard very little about her; nothing more than passing comments when my path would cross Minato's. Despite the small comments, he seemed quite proud of her. Well, she and Kakashi. All of his students, actually. Those two are the only ones still alive though.

     "Okay, I get why the message was an S.O.S. but what do you expect me to do about... that?" I ask, turning my attention back to my Sensei.

     It's hard to notice, but after all my years serving under him, I can pinpoint the proof of anger and sadness on his face. The little kunoichi mercilessly went cutthroat for the Lord. I will say, that was pretty ballsy of her. Not many - if any - Shinobi would be willing to insult the Kage to his face. Much less, such a young ninja.

     "I don't know," my sensei finally says, tone soft and eyes pushed closed again. "I am just worried that..." another sigh is pushed out his nose. "Orochimaru has been spotted with the recent death of Lord Fourth. I cannot help but wonder if it has something to do with the... loss the village is grieving."

     The small speech rolls around my head, not-so-good connections being made. "You think it has something to do with the kid - kids Minato left behind?"

     "Well, we already know Orochimaru has a vendetta against Kakashi. I would not put it past him to go against Kakashi again. Or try to go after Naruto... or Y/N." Silence fills the space between us, Lord Third thinking over his next words. "I have faith that Kakashi would have the... means to deny any 'quick to power' situation Orochimaru would try to offer or to hold his own against him again if need be. Y/N... is filled with anger and hatred for me. My past student isn't above using that as a manipulation tactic."

     I hate to admit it but that's the same conclusion I came to. I can't help but see it as a waste though. Is protecting this single student worth so much effort? Wouldn't my time be better spent doing literally anything else? "My Lord-"

     "Just think about it Jiraiya. Get to know the girl. If you decide you're not willing to take her on, I'll..."

     "You'll what?" I push slightly, my eyes turning back to the door.

     "I'll have to pull her as a Shinobi. I cannot take the risk of Orochimaru having such an easy target. Even if my worse fears don't happen, I can't have a Shinobi with unchecked anger."

     My eyes glance back to my sensei before settling on the exit again. This seems like a whole bunch of not my problem.

     The room is filled with the sound of the Kage moving his chair and the soft sound of him sitting down. "It would be such a shame to lose her as a Shinobi. She might be a bit hot-headed, but she sure does possess your student's loyalty and spirit."

     The words sting a bit, to the point I can understand the Kunoichi's rush to anger. I've done a good job avoiding the acknowledgment of Minato's death. I've done an even better job at refusing to process it.

     "What's to come of his son?" I ask, using it as an excuse to further push the dread out of my thoughts.

     "I'll take care of him for now. Naruto... will have a difficult life. One that I'm sure will lead him to you sooner or later. But, for now, Naruto does not need your guidance, Y/N does."

     The bundled-up guilt trip doesn't work as well as I'm sure my sensei wishes it would. It still seems like a waste of time. You can have as much loyalty and spirit as you want but it won't make you a good or useful Shinobi.

     "Give it a week Jiraiya. Get to know the girl how you wish, but at least give her a chance before you chalk her up as a dead end."

     That guilt trip didn't work either. At the very least, I was given an order so I'll obey it. I don't know what my sensei thinks a week will change. A short-tempered, anger-riddled Shinobi has no place as an active-duty ninja. She would serve the village much better after being pulled from the Shinobi rankings.

"As you wish," I mumble before following the kunoichi's previous path. Sometimes I don't know what goes through my Sensei's head.

——————————————

What a waste of time is all I can think of as I walk down one of the roads of the village. The Lord has insisted I visit the village nursery to 'at least meet Naruto'. I don't have time for a student, let alone a baby. Despite that, I'm not one to deny an order. Which is why I'm huffily walking to the nursery with a pass gently tapping against my chest.

When the nursery comes into view, I'm a lot less mad about being ordered to make a stop. The two ladies at the desk are a sight for sore eyes, and my eyes are definitely sore. I take my time walking in front of the nursery, using this chance to soak in their beauty through the giant windows.

"Welcome in!" The blonde one says once the bell above the door rings. "Who are you here to pick up?"

"You, hopefully," I answer a little too eagerly.

That doesn't work how I want it to. Her cheery smile falls as the redhead behind the desk chuckles a little. "Don't pay the Sannin any mind," the redhead says, standing up and walking around the desk. She squeezes the blonde's shoulder and whispers something in her ear. Ms Blondie groans before walking away. I would be pretty upset with her leaving if the sight of her walking away wasn't so nice.

"Jiraiya," Ms Red-Head calls, pulling me from the beautiful curves of Ms Blondie. Again, I'm not too upset, the woman in front of me is nice to look at too. "My condolences for Lord Fourth," she says gently, face going soft with pity as she looks at me.

It's annoying having everyone in the village look at me like this. So what Minato died? It's part of the Shinobi life. Everybody knows that, including me. He died with honor, why would that upset me? I don't care about his death, he was just one of many students... maybe I care a little bit. Just a tad, if I care at all, which I don't.

"Thank you," I grumble, turning my focus away from the girl in front of me. All of a sudden she's not as beautiful as I thought she was.

Silence hangs in the air for a while before a screech is let out down the hallway. "What do you think you're doing?! You're making him upset! Give him back!" A voice calls anger and fear very evident in it.

     "Is someone trying to steal a kid?" I ask, sparing a glance at Ms Redhead again.

     She lets out a long, deep sigh before rubbing her temples. "No, Y/N gets a little... protective of Naruto when we try to separate them for any reason." The word any is stressed so heavily I almost feel bad for the nursery worker. It seems Minato's little kunoichi has been making problems for everyone.

     "Give him back!" The whine comes again. A door slamming cuts off her next sentence but that doesn’t stop her little rant. "You're upsetting Naruto!" She isn't wrong about that, Minato's kid is screaming his lungs out.

     The train wreck making its way down the hallway is a bit funny; the hot-headed Shinobi tugging on the worker as said worker tries to keep the baby out of reach. Kushina’s personality sure as hell is poking through.

“Fine! Take him!” The nursery worked says, her patience finally breaking.

Within seconds, the bundle of blanket and Minato’s legacy is pressed against Y/N’s chest, her hold soft but strong. Lulls and hums spill from her as she ogles over the baby, who does calm down.

My heart tings at the sight of stress evident on the older child’s face as she worries about Naruto. Sensei was right about Y/N being too attached. No, nope, I’m not getting attached now too. So what if Minato’s student stresses herself to death over his son? That’s not my problem. That’s her problem. Even if she is just a baby herself… a baby that lost another set of parents… which isn’t my problem. At all.

I turn on my heels, shoving the image of Y/N clinging to Naruto like a lifeline out of my head. I met Naruto, at least as well as Y/N will probably let me, so my assignment is complete. I tried, not my fault I failed.

——————————————

Between Sensei’s goose chase, villagers down my throat, and helping out with the smaller missions, I’ve had no time for my research.

Until today anyway. I managed to avoid Sensei so he couldn’t ‘accidentally’ guide me onto Y/N’s path. She’s getting suspicious that it’s not accidents anymore, so at least she has a bit of a brain behind her eyes.

I try not to let a smirk sit on my face as I walk into the bathhouse. The last thing I need is someone getting a bad feeling; I can’t get band from another hot spring. Especially one of the only mixed-gendered bathhouses still in the village. It saddens me a bit that it’s a swimsuit required spring but hey I’ll take a bathing suit and hot women over no women and nudity.

It was a blur, check-in, changing, and walking out to the spring. Not so much a blur now, but it is disappointing. There’s only one other person in the spring, their back facing me as I rinse off. Their head is tilted back, towel covers their face as most of them are dipped into the spring. Only the tops of their - bare - shoulders and random strains of hair are visible.

The person is tiny compared to me. Small frame, almost fragile looking. The idea of it being a child flickers through my head but is quickly ran off. It’s school hours so civilian children would be in class and the new shinobis should be busy with their sensei.

Once the water starts running cold, I turn it off and grab my towel. Even if there’s only one pretty lady to look at, I’m not letting my money go to waste. Plus, maybe they’ll be very pretty… or maybe it’s just a feminine guy.

I shake the idea out of my head as I approach the water. I take my time, tying my hair into a bun and looking over the other person. That is definitely a child, which makes me a pervert. Maybe Tsunade is right about my hormones getting the better of me. Once again, I shake my previous thoughts out of my head as my face scrunches up.

“Jiraiya, are you stalking me?” The hazy voice comes, sleep almost evident in it. What child is skipping out on their responsibilities to sleep at the hot springs?

“What?” I ask, arms dropping to my sides once my bun is set in place.

A pruning hand smoothly escapes the water, not even a ripple being made as it moves. I watch carefully as the little lady removes the towel from her face; being met with the features of an exhausted Y/N. What the hell? Is this some master plan of Sarutobi-Sensei?

“No,” I answer shortly, eyes jumping around her face. The stress is catching up to her, lines and dark circles already starting to form on her face. If Y/N keeps stressing herself out like this, her stress lines will be at Itachi’s level in no time.

The familiar ping is back. I hate to admit it but every time I’ve come across her, my heart has torn a bit more. I see Minato’s loyalty to the villagers, Kakashi’s kindness, Obito’s childishness, Rin’s undying love for everyone, and so many hardships. God damn it Sarutobi, why do you always have to be right? Just the thought of my sensei is pissing me off.

“Seems like it,” she mumbles, sliding her towel back over her face; this time only her eyes are covered.

“How’d you know it was me?” I ask, sparing her another glance before sinking into the water. I take my time, letting the water work around my muscles while making sure to keep space between myself and the child. The last thing I need is people calling me a pedo instead of a perv.

There’s a long hum before Y/N shifts some in the water, a bone or two creaking as she does so. “Before… everything, Minato started me on the basics of senjutsu. Mostly just sensing energies around me and such.”

Congrats Sensei, Minato is now at the top of my shit list. How could I leave this kid half trained on senjutsu? Especially with the threat of Orochimaru hanging in the air?

“I don’t think I’ve been around you enough for you to be able to pick out my chakra,” I push gently, hoping to find out how far her training had gone. Another hum but no answer follows it. Y/N is not going to let me have my way easily is she?

The space stays silent other than the natural noises of the spring. At that moment the girl across from me hasn’t moved, making me a bit worried she fell asleep. It’s not safe to sleep in a body of water, even if there is someone else around. She doesn’t trust me enough to sleep in such dangerous conditions… I don’t think.

When I go to move to check if Y/N is asleep, she finally breaks the silence. “You keep popping up because Lord Third is worried about Orochimaru, right? He’s worried if you don’t train me that I’ll turn to the snake sage to finish my training?”

I freeze in the middle of the spring, ripples stretching out without new ones following. “What makes you say that?” I ask carefully, eyes scanning the child in front of me. She’s covered in markings, bruises being the lesser and scares being the more decor. There’s a mix of scars, some still fresh and pink while others are a faded white color. Y/N definitely has put her time into the Shinobi world. Most notably the Nine-Tail attack that took her Sensei.

“I’m not dumb, Froggy Sage,” she hisses, head snapping up and towel being discarded from her face. “I know your fellow Sage didn’t like Minato and I’ve heard the whispers of him being sighted. If they’re true, Naruto, Kashi, or me are most likely his targets.”

I almost laugh at the nickname. I’ve never had someone call me Froggy before and I can’t tell if I like it or not. “Just, tell Lord Third to stop worrying. I have no interest in Orochimaru or any power trip he’ll try to manipulate me with. You can also let him know I won’t be mad at him forever too.”

My head spins with the thought of Y/N overhearing my conversation earlier this week. Does she mean it or is she just trying to play me?

I let my body sink back into the warm water, this time seated closer to the girl. “So… what’s the deal with Minato’s baby?” I’m getting tired of asking questions.

“He’s almost two months old so he doesn’t do much. He smiled for the first time the other day. The nursery says Naruto can hold up his head during tummy time now, which they say is good. I’m worried he’s a bit behind though. Keiko says I’m just anxious though.”

“Keiko?”

“The red-head you googled at the other day. She’s Naruto’s primary caregiver.”

I roll around Y/N’s answer for a second, even though that’s not what I meant. “What’s your deal with Naruto?”

Another hum, though this time the melody is different. “I just worry about him. I don’t want him to be alone in the world. Though, he has Lord Third and Kakashi too.”

“We will be traveling a lot so you’ll have to check your attachment.” What?! That’s the first answer that pops into my head? That’s what spills from my mouth?

I did not mean that. There is no ‘we’ just ‘me’. I travel a lot, Y/N stays here, in the village, with her anxious attachment to Minato’s son. How do I take that back? Do I say ‘just kidding’ and hope I get a minor reminder of Kushina’s anger issues?

“We?” Y/N asks, eyes sharp and guarded as she looks at me.

“Yes.”

No!

That is not the answer! The answer is no because there is no ‘we’. I do missions alone, I travel alone, and definitely do not travel with a child-aged girl. Do you know how much of a damper she’ll be on my women game? Or maybe she’ll help with it… no!

A huge smile cracks across her face, stress marks damping with her happiness. “You really mean it?”

“Yes.”

Maybe.

Her body loosens a bit as she moves closer, a good amount of space still between us but she’s still noticeably closer. “Is it pity training?” Y/N asks, a sad teasing tone to her words, and her smile all of a sudden seeming fake.

“No.”

The smile is back, huge, happy, and reaching her eyes this time. God damnit Minato, why did you have to have such skilled students? I can’t let their potential go to waste.

“This is going to be fun,” Y/N whispers to herself before crawling out of the hot springs. Her skin is a bit pink, making the faded scars stand out more.

“Yes,” I answer to myself, letting out a small huff. Why’d I let myself get attached? I don’t have time for a student, let alone the patience for one. And yet… I just signed myself up for the one that’s going to test my patience the most.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Froggy,” Y/N says, patting my bun before turning around to walk away.

“I don’t like that nickname! It’s not sticking!” I call after her.

“Yes, it is!” She calls back before the door cuts off our conversation.

Yes.

It’s going to stick because I could hear the smile in her voice as she said it. “Screw you,” I mumble to the sky, smile on my face as I say it. I can imagine Minato laughing his ass off at the situation he left for me, the situation I talked myself into. I guess Minato won’t be the only unofficial child I have anymore.

[22ndnervousbreakdown]

There's something i think about a lot in the context of how gomens fandom tends to blindly follow everything neil says and view it as 100% canon, even though he himself said multiple times that's not how his words outside of the actual text should be treated.

It's the way modern fandoms, from what i see, are becoming too dependent on creators of their canon. Fandom culture, as a whole, is built on the death of author concept, on the idea that authors lose their power over their texts the moment they finish them. For years fandoms were something that creators of the canon used to look down on, or ignore, or disapprove — but no one cared, because the very idea of the fandom implies that you can do what you want and go against anything author says, or even against the things that are actually part of the canon, just because you don't like them.

But in the last idk how many years fandom culture grew bigger and more noticeable, and gradually stopped being perceived as something freaky or weird, and for canon creators, it simply became... more profitable? more logical? to interact with the fandom rather than ignore it. And ofc there's also the fact that fandom culture is and was largely queer culture, and it's becoming more and more normal to make mass media for queer people (which is a good thing!). So there we get more and more official social media accs being friendly with fans, PR-companies playing with hints on a popular ship, authors talking about their fandom and awnsering its questions, and canons themselves catering to fandom's needs, or whole canons being created with those needs in mind — "look, we have a new series with a queer couple that has a dynamic you people love! Come and write fanfics about them and we won't be mad at you like everyone was before!" And it works, of course it works, because we finally get what we want, we're finally being taken seriously! Things are finally being made for us!

And, obviously, it isn't inherently a bad thing. It's probably an inherently good thing even. But with that attitude becoming more and more common, the line between the "official" stuff and fandom becomes more and more blurred. And then... if the creators of our canon are friendly, surely we've got to be friendly too? If they're saying things we like, it would only be fair if we, too, would try to at least not say things they don't like? They've created that book/movie/series/etc that we all like after all, so the least we can do is be thankful and acknowledge what they have to say.

Which is all well, of course. But the way i see it, the moment fandom bends to meet the canon's authors' wishes, it loses its purpose. The decorum — the fanworks, the ships, the discourse — stays, but the very core if it is missing. It's not about bending the story any way you like it, no matter what author or anyone else thinks, anymore. And it frustrates me a lot.

[sugar-grigri]

I'm very curious about your idea that Denji will eventually sacrifice himself for Asa. On one hand, you have the foreshadowing where Nayuta says that Denji can't die while the panel is showing Asa (Yoru)'s sleeping face. On the other hand, the theory is in tension with Denji putting Nayuta first. I'm pretty disappointed by how Nayuta reacted to him seeing Asa so I do hope he grows out of catering to her every neuroticism, but at the same time it shows his growth to put family before some girl he met. Thoughts?

I wish Denji would die

You want to hurt us anon with this kind of thinking, but I love the tragic so this is perfect! So here we go!!!

I have already made a post on the fact that Denji had indeed evolved. It's obvious that the one in the first part didn't put up any emotional barriers because he had no cues giving his blind trust to whoever would feed him. The one in the second part, although he shares the same desire to desperately find a girlfriend, does not trust blindly: whether it is the fact that he denies Yoshida having ever met him (during the assassins' arc) on the pretext of not seeing what he was talking about, or the fact that he will listen more to his family's (Nayuta's) warnings rather than plunge into the euphoria of a shared kiss with "Asa". 

But I'd just like to make one thing clear: to me, when Nayuta orders Denji to stop seeing Asa, it's not out of a need for control, or even extreme possessiveness, it's primarily an act of protection. I mean, not only is Yoru the one who initiated the kiss, but she also wanted to try to make Denji her weapon again immediately afterwards (you can tell by the fact that she puts her hand on Denji's head immediately afterwards). Obviously Denji as a hybrid being cannot be transformed, but the fact remains that Yoru did have very bad intentions which could be perceived by Nayuta when she entered the room. 

The purpose is clear: Nayuta does not follow the precepts of her predecessor by isolating Denji to manipulate and control him, she does it precisely to avoid that he suffers again by giving his trust too quickly. In other words, the clear difference between these two parts is not only that our hero has evolved but also his entourage. He now has a loving one that protects him from obvious dangers. 

We can't deny the fact that Asa (because of Yoru of course but still) is dangerous for Denji, I'm the first to adore Asa but precisely because she is more than imperfect and has many flaws: the moment when she looks for a target remains a comical but also tragic episode, because Asa and Yoru do something more similar to Makima's behaviour than Nayuta's herself: they dehumanise him. 

Denji has done nothing wrong, doesn't deserve to die, but he is somewhere between a cat and a criminal. 

I'm not saying this to put Asa on trial, but to show that Asa is a real threat to Denji. Moreover, Yoru is Chainsaw Man's natural enemy. 

Nayuta and Denji have a strong bond because their demons are related to family and motherhood. Denji was looking for a mother figure in the previous incarnation of the control demon, Makima. While his own demon, the demon that represents the fear of chainsaws (a tool originally invented for childbirth), dictates the birth and death of demons with the sound of chainsaws.

What I'm trying to say is that between the control demon who always wanted to form a family with the chainsaw demon, and now that they do, their family is powerful because Denji in his individuality but also the two demons that make up the siblings are intrinsically linked to the notion of family. 

I say all this to show that what Denji has to overcome in order to bond with Asa is not a "neurosis" as you say, anon. In my opinion what he has to ignore is his own family. 

That's what would make Denji's fate brilliantly tragic: losing everything by putting himself in a vulnerable situation. I don't know if it's over-interpreting (but I love it), but I didn't see many people talking about the cat figure that comes up several times: 

- Denji is between the cat and the criminal 

- Asa lost her mother because she wanted to save a cat 

- Denji's first appearance is him saving a cat

The cat always seems to be linked in one way or another to the notion of sacrifice, whether it is by the fact that Asa wants to make Denji a weapon, the sacrifice of Asa's mother, or the fact that Denji did not knowingly save another person to save a cat.

But this is a figure that was initiated in the first part: Power was willing to sacrifice herself to save her cat. In the same way, she also sacrificed herself to save Denji. If we follow the previous logic, he plays the role of the cat. 

That is to say, we die for Chainsaw Man, his family also died for him (Aki wanted to stop everything to protect them, Power died again for him). 

In my eyes it is a figure that sooner or later will reverse itself. I said it before but the theme of impossible love, of opposing families, of a game of secret identities, are Shakespearean codes. So tragic. 

Denji will not listen to his family or even his past mistakes and will be led to tie up with Asa.

For me, and I hope so (I love angst), this story will end badly. Denji, who is desperate to be in love, will get what he wants :

he will die for love. 

[zaimta]

T.M.I

zai says: i think imma release these every friday, when the other ones come out yall will be able to tell that this was the first one i did also i'm gon milk this arc till the day i die n y'all know this

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you looked in the mirror in disgust, you hated what you saw, nothing but a broken person who couldn't even stay true to what they believed in. nothing more than a puppet being toyed with by the puppet master.

you and freed walked side by side to the church, he could tell you were feeling a slight amount of guilt but he had yet to figure out something that was bothering him “y/n. it’s clear that laxus will only listen to you at this point. but maybe he is beyond that point…however, i must ask why haven’t you told him to call this all off? it’s clear you don’t want much to do with this. so why y/n? why do you fight for something you don’t believe in?”

“because i-”

“damnit!” you shouted at the memory flooding your brain, you clutched your head looking down at your feet, and you then felt tears streaming down your cheek “why wasn’t i strong enough? i’m pathetic.”

back then you knew the answer to his question and you still do now, your guilt was eating you alive not allowing you to think clearly

your arms fell slack by your sides and you fell to your knees, tears still streaming down your cheeks

“maybe i’m just a fool freed.” he sent a smile your way his eyes screamed pity, just a pitiful glare for a shameful idiot and you hated every second of it.

“i should have done more back then, anything would have been better than this outcome. i was too weak to stop it, i was just a love-sick fool who was blinded by that fact. after all this time did he even love me back? was i following him blindly just for him to not even love me back?” despite all the fond memories you made your doubts triumph over everything you knew and what he told you.

shame flooded your mind, you felt embarrassed to feel this way, to wallow in your own shame and regret. these feelings were all too familiar to you and you hated every last second of it, every pitiful millisecond was nothing short of hell to you, he was long gone and out of your life but yet your doubts in your relationship still followed you.

“please…make it stop.” you mumbled weakly as if your pleas would be heard while your tears flowed like a river.

“because i loved him. no matter how many people i had to hurt i wanted to see him happy again.”

i hate myself i look in the mirror and start to cry stupid self sabotage every time t.m.i i think i'm the worst criticize everything 'til it hurts

you don’t know but you picked yourself and decided to go to the guild hopefully some time around your friends would do you some good, and there it was again the pitty glances, you smiled throughout them all but there was only so much you could take.

you went to an empty table to clear your thoughts and felt a hand on your shoulder, you tensed up bracing for those words “how are you holding up?” lucy spoke to you as if you were fragile and you could break at any second, or that’s what it felt like to you anyway. you snatched your shoulder away from her grip and sent her a glare “im fine. why does everyone treat me like i’m some fragile thing?”

bet you wish you never asked sorry if i made you sad at least you know now where i'm at

you dropped your shoulders suddenly aware of how tense you were, you groaned and ran a hand down your face “shit. i’m sorry lucy i’m just…tired.”

“y/n im sorry i didn’t mean to-” you cut the celestial mage off “no it’s not your fault you were just trying to check on me.” you felt something run down your cheeks, we’re you crying? after all this time an ‘are you okay’ was what it took to get to you. you excused yourself and headed into the bathroom, it was pathetic you felt like a failure crying in a public restroom. you were nothing more than a waste of space who couldn’t have anything go your way.

“it’s all my fault. maybe if i was more firm?? who am i kidding maybe if i said something anything he still would have been here.” you think to yourself causing your tears so flow like a river down your face.

you looked in the mirror and saw the weakest person you ever saw, and it took everything in you not to smash that mirror.

“y/n?” evergreen said while knocking on the bathroom door “im coming in okay?” she walked into the bathroom and noticed the tears on your cheeks and she wordlessly wiped them away and sighed “what am i going do with you n/n? we’ve got to get you a better coping mechanism” she chuckled quietly at her own joke, she pulled down her dress so it was at least covering her legs and sat on the floor, she patted the spot next to her with a gentle smile inviting you to sit. you wordlessly sat next to her with your knees pulled up to your chest.

“i know this is hard on you right now, but you can’t keep pushing us away we’re here for you…freed told me how you have been feeling.” you sighed deeply “so you know everything?” she shook her head “i only know freed’s assumptions, if you don’t want to talk about it that’s okay but you can’t keep letting your emotions eat you alive it’s not healthy for you y/n.”

the two of you sat there in silence for a while, you broke the silence with a small sigh and began opening up to evergreen about how you’ve been feeling “i feel like it’s all my fault ever…i feel like i could have done more maybe if i said something this whole thing wouldn't have happened or maybe he wouldn’t have been kick out of the guild” you pull your knees closer to your chest as you speak “i loved him ever, and now i might not even see him again.”

evergreen rested her hand on yours with a soft smile, you looked at her and her eyes didn’t scream pitty nor did they feel as if they were looking down at you and it was comforting “you don’t have to be guilty for anything y/n, we all made the choice to follow his plan…and he’s quite the ambitious man you know that, no matter what he would have seen his plan through till the end.”

you returned the smile “yea you’re right” the smile didn’t reach your eyes and she knew that, she knew you needed time how much time was all up to you however.

i hate myself i look in the mirror and start to cry super self sabotage every time t.m.i i think i'm the worst criticize everything 'til it hurts if you knew me better, you would like me worse t.m.i

[edgybutnotveryedgy]

My Very Unhinged Lila Theory Part 1/3

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Lila isn’t a good liar. From the beginning she has told lies that a even a fifth grader would never take at face value. Let alone adults. Yet she has so many people who believe these lies to the point that she has multiple women convinced that they are all her mom. She is enrolled at multiple schools. She has a secret lair in the Paris catacombs. She has been caught in her lies multiple times even, yet it wasn’t until Confrontation that she was caught in any of these lies. 

The easy thing to do is to say that this is just lazy writing or plot convenience or something, but I don’t like that answer. It’s boring and lazy and I like to have fun. That being said, I think to begin with the real question we should be asking is: why do people blindly believe Lila? 

Knowing what we know about Lila as of season 5, I think that it is worthwhile to look back on her former appearances. Going through former episodes, I have come to the ultimate conclusion, I don’t think that Lila is just a good liar, even in universe. I believe she is using some sort of power or magic to make people believe anything she says. 

To begin with, I would like to address the following. There are canonically other forms of magic and superpowers in the Miraculous universe. Obviously we have the Kwami, but on multiple occasions Plagg mentions other kinds of magic. In Origins Part 1, Adrien, after putting on his ring, says “No way! Like the Genie in the Lamp!” followed by Plagg saying “I met him once. So he grants wishes. Big deal. I’m way more personable!” There’s also mention of Dragons a few times in the series, as well as United HeroeZ showcases many different heroes and villains who have abilities of their own. There’s also The Legend of Ladydragon with the Renlings, who are similar to Kwami, but still are not Kwami. 

Furthermore, Miraculous is a part of a shared universe. Any show that goes under the Zag Heroez brand is a part of the shared universe. This includes Zak Storm, Power Players, and Ghostforce. Obviously Ghostforce has its ghosts as its main supernatural element. Power Players has a life giving magic called minergy that brings inanimate objects like toys to life. Zak Storm has aliens, witches, ancient gods, Atlanteans, time travel shenanigans, magic wizard aliens, star people, magic guardians, and skeletons. And that’s just scratching the surface. (seriously please watch zak storm. It is so underrated and needs more eyes on it.) These are just the shows that have aired. There are more shows that have been stuck in production hell, like Fairyon, Pixiegirl, and others that all have other magical elements. Bottom line is that a character in Miraculous having powers that aren’t connected to Kwami’s is not unreasonable, and in fact would add a lot world building wise. 

To begin with, I want to note some specific quotes from episodes involving Lila that I believe suggest her having some sort of abilities. I recommend that any readers should go rewatch the episodes themselves. In this post I’ll just be covering episodes in season’s 1 and 2. So lets begin!

Volpina 

When Marinette first gets to school she hears everyone fawning over the new girl Lila. Here is her dialogue

[Shortly after watching Lila drag away a clearly uncomfortable Adrien.] [Marinette is panicking because she thinks Lila is going to seduce Adrien and then he'll never love her.]

Marinette: *gasp* "where are they going? Alya! We've gotta stop them."

Alya: "You need to chill out Marinette. My Ladyblog has the highest number of hits ever after that Lila interview!"

Marinette: "what's going on? I mean has this Lila girl hypnotized everyone or something?"

Tiki: "You wouldn't be a little jealous, Marinette?"

Marinette: "huh? Me? Jealous? No way!"

[Marinette proceeds to run after Adrien and Lila]

...

While Marinette is spying on Adrien and Lila, Adrien is looking at the book he stole from his dad. Lila comes over talking about doing history homework with Adrien.

Lila looks smitten with Adrien. 

Her eyes look down and she notices the book Adrien has, then she immediately looks shocked.

Lila: "What's that?"

She pulls the book over to herself to look at it while Adrien starts to panic.

Adrien: "uh.. Nothing! Just stories about superheroes." (Smooth save bro)

Lila puts her hand on Adrien’s hand.

Lila: "I love super heroes!" (It feels like she's specifically trying to form a character that she thinks Adrien will like)

Lila turns the page and it shows Ladybug.

Lila: "Ladybug?" (She seems genuinely excited when she sees this.)

Adrien: "She's amazing!" (He's so smitten)

Lila suddenly has a jealous look. She puts the book down and moves herself and her chair over closer to Adrien.

Lila: "A girl doesn't need to wear a costume to be amazing, you know."

Adrien panicking autistically: "uhh, i don't know? I mean i-"

Lila: "so! You've got a little soft spot for the bug huh?"

Adrien: "me? Oh no. Not at all!"

Lila: "You know, I actually happen to be very close friends with ladybug." 

Adrien: "Really?"

Lila: "We can chat about it if you want! Not here though. Why don't we meet at the park after school, and I'll tell you everything."

Adrien suddenly has to go to fencing practice, and he drops his bag. Meanwhile the book falls out, and Lila slips it away with her shoe. Before giving Adrien back his bag.

Why is she so obsessed with getting Adrien to like her?

Heroes Day Part One

Lila has apparently convinced her mom, the ambassador Ms. Rossi, that school has been closed down and isn't reopened due to akuma attacks, as well as apparently she has convinced her mom that ladybug is useless and unable to save anyone. Like... Doesn't her mom watch the news? Or go outside? She's an ambassador. There has to be more to this than just Lila being a good liar. Especially to her own "mother."

While in her room looking over the heroes day footage

Lila: "Liar! Traitor! Coward!"

Gabriel comes up on the screen to announce his contribution to the parade as well as to denounce Volpina.

Gabi: "in honor of the wonderful Ladybug who has saved my son Adrien and myself, and who relentlessly protects all of us every day. I have financed this tribute to Ladybug, because Ladybug is the only true hero unlike her mediocre imitations, such as Volpina."

As soon as Gabriel comes on screen Lila goes quiet and is suddenly very interested to know what gabe has to say. I just think this is interesting. 

After hearing what Gabriel says about Volpina, Lila gasps and looks upset. She then proceeds to throw her laptop against the wall, then dramatically yell

Lila: "I HATE YOU LADYBUG!"

Next the scene cuts to Gabi doing his Hawkmoth thing. He sends an akuma out to Lila. 

Lila is just sitting in her room looking very alone and upset.when she hears the akuma wings fluttering she looks up. Suddenly she looks frightened and jumps back a bit gasping before it goes into her bracelet. 

Hawkmoth: "Volpina."

Lila: "Hawkmoth!" (She says this very happily)

Hawkmoth: "Your dreams were once a reality, until Ladybug turned them into a nightmare. Regain your power of illusion, and make this heroes day a nightmare for all Parisians!"

Lila: "With great pleasure Hawkmoth."

...

After Volpina does her whole thing and makes everyone in Paris worried,

Hawkmoth: "Dear Volpina, you've performed your role well for the time being. We will meet again very soon."

Volpina: "I'll be waiting, Hawkmoth."

After being detransformed, Lila looks up, and she has a very sinister smile.

About Volpina

Powers of Illusion. She uses her powers to make people believe what she wants them to believe, such as in her debut episode, where she uses these powers to convince Ladybug and Chat Noir and Adrien as well as all of Paris, that she is amazing and that she accomplishes great feats. As we know though, this is all an illusion. Much like her lies. She also uses these abilities to ruin the reputation of Ladybug in Hero’s day, as well as to attempt to trick Ladybug and Chat Noir. This mirrors her behavior in later episodes as well. 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

[ikosburneraccount]

okay so

i am fairly new to your blog and understand the anti ts stuff and i just wanted to say that even with all the racism (i only know the recent stuff and im appalled, who knows what has been going on for years) poc from asian countries still love her. im indian and i have SO. MANY. FRIENDS. who absolutely eat up everything she does and follow her blindly even though theyre willing to call out other forms of racism and bigotry by other people and get so hurt if you try and call ts out. they organise ts events and are a really huge and vocal fandom in india as well. their hypocrisy and obsession is so weird and annoying.

I wish I could tell you how many times I read this over Anon. This is INSANE TO ME!! I completely understand why you're annoyed with their hypocrisy, because this is boggling my mind. Like I cannot stop reading this over I am so confused by their actions 😭

I've heard that they're a lot of Asian Swifties but I've never met them IRL or really seen them online either (IS is the only person I can think of), so thank you for letting me know that they do in fact exist and unfortunately in large numbers as well.

I'm also struggling with how PoC Swifties rationalize liking her music despite TS's own explicit racism. Especially since so many PoC Swifties in my life (they are not my friends. I simply know them) are like your friends who aren't afraid to call out racism, sexism, homo/transphobia, etc. yet will openly stream and yearn to TS.

(Although, I will say, ALL of them fetishize white people. Like they only go after and want to date white people. It's the weirdest and most unsettling phenomenon I've witnessed specifically among PoC Swifties.)

I think it's a demonstration of how flawed their own ideological commitments are if they can push aside and ignore racist actions of their favorite artist because their music is just "so good." It shows who and what they're willing to sacrifice to continue justifying their love for this racist musician, and them getting defensive just shows that they know liking her is inconjunct with their proclaimed beliefs.

When I see people act like this on social media, I often question their ulterior motives when they call out racism and bigotry. To what extent does their solidarity apply to, and to who? Why do they present themselves as left leaning politically when their actions say otherwise?

It undermines their actions and commitment and shows their internalized racism that they can continue supporting a racist artist like this. I have dealt with PoC like this, who present themselves as an ally, who say all the right words and right things and yet their actions consistently undermine their actions which led me to distancing myself from them and in my experience, unfortunately reinforcing my skepticism with other PoC :(

It's why people say PoC solidarity is a myth, because your friends are an example of how they would rather continue stanning a racist white artist knowing she's dated someone who's consumed and masturbated to pornographic content that explicitly showed torturing Black women. (here's a link to a reddit post that explains it (sfw)).

It's easier for them to ignore what she did than it is to hold themselves accountable knowing that she dated someone like this and what it means for them and what it says about their beliefs. You're right; not only are they hypocrites, but they display blatant cognitive dissonance by stanning TS.

tl;dr you're not crazy, they really aren't down for their beliefs like they say/act like they are if they continue defending/stanning a blatant racist white woman like her. they should work on their internalized racism and not bother calling themselves allies to other PoC (esp. black women) as long as they stan her.

I hope this is a satisfactory response to your ask, anon (also I really hope this makes sense) 😭 Thanks for sending this in!