#i just wish i saw more people recognizing the way people just change words around instead of unlearning the actual core beliefs

[think-queer]

I grew up spending a lot of time on edgy reddit adjacent forums and I i don't think I'll ever be able to express just how scary it is to see leftist spaces echoing a lot of the sentiments I saw in those spaces. Some of the words are switched out but it still feels the same.

Honestly that's why I get so upset about the treatment of afab people. It reminds me of seeing "jokes" about stupid lying bitches who deserve to be raped for all their annoying whining about sexism. If I go to a queer leftist's blog I shouldn't be reminded of communities where the r slur is constantly used and police brutality against people of color is treated like a joke.

I just hate feeling like I never really escaped those incredibly bigoted and toxic communities. I hate feeling like there is no escape from that kind of cruelty.

[unreliablesnake]

Reunion (Simon Riley x reader)

Simon wasn’t a huge fan of the school reunions that some of his old friends organized every few years. Usually he wasn’t even around to attend them. But he kept track of some people on social media, although this was something he would have denied without hesitation.

His main target was you. He knew about everything you shared, he saw the photos, he saw the cheesy posts about your life. About your perfect husband.

Because that guy was perfect based on the photos, your posts, the comments from friends and family, and his own profile. Tall, handsome, successful, popular, coming from a good family, and apparently he was so madly in love with you that Simon felt like throwing up every time he saw one of his declarations of love.

Back in the day, during those terrible teenage years, he had wanted to ask you out on a date. But with his background, he always felt like he wasn’t enough for you. You talked to him, yes, but it usually felt like an empty, polite chat instead of a deep conversation.

So when he went grocery shopping one day, he was surprised to meet you in the parking lot. His first reaction was to look away and act like he didn’t recognize you. You wouldn’t remember him anyway, and since you were still a beautiful woman, men looking at you should be nothing new for you.

But his whole body froze when he heard you call after him. “Simon? Simon Riley? Is that you?” He slowly turned around and watched you without a word. Sure, he nodded, even smiled a little, but he didn’t want to look desperate to talk to you. “Oh my god, it’s been so long!”

Before he knew it, you were wrapping your arms around him in a warm hug. He didn’t even know what to do. You were a married woman in the middle of a crowded parking lot, anyone could see you hugging a man who wasn’t your husband.

“You never come to the reunions, you’re inactive on social media… I know nothing about what you do these days,” you said with a pout after you playfully punched his chest. “The last thing I heard is that you joined the SAS. Are you still there?”

Who the hell had told you that? Whoever it was, they deserved a punch in the face. But it was water under the bridge, you already knew the truth. “Yeah, that's my life now,” he replied with a nod. “And what about you? What do you do these days?”

He listened to you giving him the answer with wide, happy gestures, and he couldn't hold back the smile that crept on his lips. You were so nice, so alive, so different from the people he was surrounded by. Maybe it was nostalgia making him see you in such a way, but he didn't really care about the why.

Having you in his life again, even if for just a few minutes, made him happy, made him wish you would stick around. He wanted to spend more time with you, although he knew you weren't available. But you could be friends, right? There were no rules stating a man and a woman couldn't be friends.

You suddenly looked down at your phone and cursed under your breath. “I'm late. It was so nice to see you again, Simon,” you said with a wide smile as you unlocked the phone and gave it to him. “Can I get your number? I might check in every now and then. You know, just to know you're okay, even if you don't attend the reunions.”

Oh, he was more than happy to give you his number. Once he gave back the device, you quickly called him so he would have your number as well. “Don't get lost,” he told you with a smirk.

“I won't,” you promised.

Yet you disappeared. He expected you to call him, to send a text, but there was nothing in the following months.

Being deployed and being focused on the mission he was on made things a little easier. He didn't spend every moment of the day thinking about you, thinking about whether or not it was him who did something stupid that made you change your mind. Price noticed that something was wrong with him, but when Simon refused to explain, he gave up trying.

And then, just one week before he was supposed to go home, your name showed up on the screen. At first he thought it was a mistake and you would end the call right away. But it kept ringing, so he took a deep breath and picked up.

“Hey, Simon. You got a minute?” you asked cheerfully.

------

Note: Thanks for reading. I don't have a taglist. If you want to know when I post new stuff, follow @unreliablesnakefics and hit the get notifications button.

[bahrtofane]

here we go again - pt.2

pt.1, pt.3

jude x fem!reader , trent x fem!reader

empty promise after another leaves you walking in the cold. alone. on valentines day. youre never speaking to another player again. but, a familair face is here to save the day

word count - 2.2k+

watch it - jude is still an ass sorrehhh. angsy angst and more angst ! ur welcome

-----

You don't know where the hell you are, what time it is. A few more minutes you're going to forget your own name and start screaming to feel something other than misery. So  much for the holiday of love. You are feeling so much love you could jump out of a plane. With no parachute. And land on a pile of rocks. 

You kick a trash can out of frustration and groan at the impact it gives your poor exposed and suffering toes. 

You can not believe the events of today. Everything keeps replaying over and over like a broken projector. The fact that he got you to dress up in your favorite special occasion floor length dress just to have it drag across the grimy dirty fucking disgusting club floor. Oh god you want him dead. 

You're deep into Birmingham nightlife by the time your senses come back to you enough to fish your phone out of your bag. The bag is a birthday gift from your mother of all people forced to be seen among that bunch of people,it makes you seeth. 

You should have known taking you to Birmingham wasn't a good idea. It made no sense in your head, why fly from Madrid to god damn Birmingham. You both live and work in Madrid? Your sweet naive mind thought he came up with something unique, something sweet. 

You groan the second your phone turns on. One too many notifications to keep up with and by the looks of it they aren't stopping anytime soon. Twitter is blowing up, you already know what it is. A bunch of low quality pixels of you entering with him and looking lost with a bunch of tacky headlines. You'll get that settled when you get home. You go to order an uber, but your phone manages to die on you miraculously. How lucky. All the times you spent trying to get a hold of Jude really drained the battery. You clench your jaw. 

Good god. You shove your phone back in your purse and keep stomping through birmingham. Shivering with each step. You didn't bring a jacket, how foolish.

You try to follow streets you think you know, but it's not going very well. There aren't very many people this far out. Leave it to fucking Jude to take you to the worlds more obscure club location. It's been about an hour since you left him at the club you think. An hour of walking through alley ways and neighborhoods that only raise the hair on the back of your neck. He couldn't even get you a ride home?

You think the last person you saw was a nurse chucking coffee at a bus station, the bus that you tried to catch but it sped away faster than your aching legs could take you. Better night than yours you're sure. You wander about trying to find at least a store open to be able to call for a taxi. 

You hear the crunch of slowing tires come up behind you, and you instantly quicken up your pace. You almost swear you hear your name shouted, but you don't stop. The second time, it's a little too clear to be mistaken for anyone else's name as the car comes to a crawl side by side to you. 

You turn on your heel harshly, “why in god's name-“ your voice dies the moment you recognize the familiar car model, and its driver. Trent. Oh.

“Get in the car." he dead pans, windows rolled at the way down, door already unlocked for you.

You wrinkle your nose, “I don't want to talk trent." 

The very last thing you need is that sorry excuse of a man to send his friend of all people to run after you and do his bidding where he fell short just hours before. This is so embarrassing it only makes you wish his car would explode. And then drive it into the club. While it's on fire. 

“I'm not letting you roam around these parts at this time, just get in." he sighs. 

You scowl, "he’s low for sending you to change my mind, after this whole fucking night why cant you leave me alone."

He gives you a look, “this has nothing to do with him, this is me. Worried for you. “

“Fuck off." you spit. 

“You’re so hard headed, just get in the damn car before someone robs you. Or worse." 

"How'd you even know I was here?" you squint at him. 

he sighs, rubbing his eyes, "i still have your location from when i picked you up for his birthday. And I heard about everything from just about everyone. "

"You have nothing else to do on valentines day?" you jab. 

He stays silent, hands wringing the steering wheel. You notice he's in what looks like pjs, Liverpool jacket thrown on top. He drove all this way for you?

You swallow your pride for a moment, hiking up your dress while you duck inside the car. Sighing in relief as the pressure is taken off your aching legs. Snapping your seatbelt over you, swinging your purse over your head and gently setting it on your lap, wiping away the tears that blur your vision. 

Your rage has turned into a simmer for now. The main goal at the moment is to just get out of these clothes and sleep till you forget what year it is. 

Trent is quiet while he lets you get comfortable, rolling up his windows backup and locking the doors. You've never sat passenger in his car before. Hell you haven't seen him in months.

“Did he touch you." he asks, turning the heater on higher.

You put your hand out in front of where the hot air blows oh so nice on your frozen hands,“What?”

“You have a bruise on the back of your arm. Did he do that? “

“No.” you sigh. 

he turns to face you, brows furrowed,“i need to know if he did. “ 

“He didn’t trent, i'm alright.'' your voice softens.

he nods, hands resting on the wheel,“where do you need to go? “

“Just take me to my hotel please."

He nods, handing you his phones to put the directions in. You watch as he takes the car out of park, making a u turn and heading out of whatever bizarre neighborhood you're in, back into the city. And  soon the freeway. Birmingham flashes by you and you try to forget the man that sits like a heavy weight in your mind.

You still wonder why Trent would make the trip all the way out just to pick you up. especially if Jude wasn't involved. You're somewhat close you suppose. The kind where you would call him a friend in a group setting, but not much more. You've spent only a couple of times truly alone. You don't know if you're that close.

 Trent has always been somewhat of a mystery to you. Few appearances and even fewer words. Jude had told you once he was shy, just taking a minute to warm up to new people. He has a habit of staring off into nothing you noticed at Judes birthday party. Always quick to snap out of it the moment eyes were on him. Oh so different from the way he plays. You've seen him now and again in highlights and clips posted on instagram. He's good, but man is he aggressive. You expect it for a defender but the man gets up in everyones space on the pitch.

A complete 180 from the way he can barely look you in the eye now. What is he thinking?

You don't let your curiosity blind you from being at least a little courteous. 

“Thank you, " you mumble, playing with the fabric of your dress, "and sorry for being a bitch.“

“Hey I don’t blame you.” he shrugs. 

You hum and leave it at that. You'll put unraveling Trent on the to do list. 

Your hotel comes into view and you thank him again for the kindness, promising to make it up to him some day. He waves you off, seeing till you're inside to leave. 

Your mind is so blurred you can barely stand anymore, every step only throws you off balance. You need your bed. Asap. Or you will fall over and die.

The hotel's heating is a welcome treat as you beeline for the elevator. The staff give you a strange look but you do NOT. have the time for any of that. Right now all you care about is getting in bed. Can this elevator hurry up? It finally comes and you lean against the metal walls when you step inside, sliding your purse lazily over you.

You all but tear your clothes off the second you make it inside your room, in a rush, wiping your makeup off while you undo your shoes, hobbling around with one foot while you dig for your pajamas. You end the night with a trip to the bathroom. Skipping on your usual night routine and just settling for a quick shower and brush of the teeth. 

Hotel covers have never felt better, warmer, safer. 

In the quiet of the room and the hum of the ac, you can't but let your thoughts consume you. Can't help but circle back to him. Why?

Why weren't you enough? Why did it have to end in fucking flames on whats supposed to be the most romantic love filled day of the year. 

You think back of every moment and piece of you shared with Jude. You remember the first time you kissed you, under the stands at his first madrid home game, clutching onto his jersey like a lifeline. He looked at you like you were the only thing that mattered. Gently holding your hand all the way back inside the building. Mumbling confessions and making you smile with every cheesy pick up line.

That jude is gone now, instead replaced by the man who you have to fight for even a second with. But are expected to drop all for. A selfish bitter man. 

It doesn't matter anymore. It's over, you can rest now and deal with the inevitable fall out as it comes. You know you're more than enough, but with the way you let yourself be treated it's hard to let yourself believe that. 

Never again though. From now, you're swearing off footballers. 

—--

You wake up as early as you can manage, getting all your things together and booking a flight out of here as soon as possible. You need to get back to madrid.

Your headache is massive as you shove the last of your things in your suitcase. You can't believe you took days off for this. Nonetheless, you need to get back. You have a team to get back to and plenty of work to get done. Real Madrid's creative department never rests does it.

Your phone has a slew of missed calls, mainly from Jude but you see a few from Trent, rather recent ones. You give him a call back but it all goes to voicemail.

The key card jams while you're locking it for the last time, it takes a hit from your hand to get the scanner working but you make it out in one piece. Smoothing your clothes down and making your way to the lobby. Sitting down for a few minutes while you confirm your flight details and triple check that you haven't forgotten anything. You hear your name and are greeted again by Trent, who's all but spriting to you. It's a little early for him to be here now isn't it. 

“Can I help you ?” 

“I'm sorry I tried calling and I couldn't answer when you called. Judes outside waiting for you. he-“

So last night really was all just a ploy from Judes end? You try to get up and far far away from him, but he stands in front of you. 

“Listen.  He told me to come and get you out there so you can talk to him and to not tell you. But obviously, I'm not. i’ll tell him you're not here yeah? Take care.”

Trent doesn't leave you with anything else, leaving in the other direction. You take this as a sign to leave while you can, grabbing one of the many taxis outside to the airport. 

—--

Trent gives Jude a scowl, “She's not there Jude, give it up. “

“I can't just lose her. “ Jude sighs, furiously typing on his phone. 

Trent rolls his yees, patience wearing thin,“You’re fucked in the head you know that? After all you’ve done to her, you still want her to come running back?”

Silence. 

“I care about you Jude I really do. But you left her walking around at 3 am with a dead phone in the middle of alleyways dude. That's not okay. “

—--

The airport has never felt lonelier, but you swallow the lump in your throat, boarding your flight home and trying to forget the man that you've come to associate it with. Madrid will be a hard place to move on in, when its walls shine with its star boy. Its halls all but cheering his name. Every corner you're bound to be reminded of him. You can do it, one way or another you won't let yourself be miserable. 

[deepsix-writing]

coming to terms with godhood.

(a jack nichols aka ‘eyeless jack’ story)

the birth of a god is a painful thing. it feels like dying, more than anything. you’d think, after people having worshipped deities for so long, they’d warn you about how excruciating it is to become one. but they don’t.

that was something jack nichols had learned through firsthand experience. recently, in fact. but the worst thing, for him, wasn’t learning to readjust; it felt like all of his senses had been fundamentally rearranged, but that wasn’t what bothered him most. what bothered him most was the trail of bodies it left in his wake.

“burn in hell. ALL of you.” he remembered the words birthing into the open air, but not saying them himself. but he did remember pulling the mask over his face, and he did remember leaving a bloody jenny to die in the forest alone. he remembered kicking away her pleading hands as they pawed at his ankle, her last chance of making contact with her reborn god. only it didn’t feel like jack’s voice, coming out of him. it came from some place far deeper than his chest, and it gushed from his lips like the tar that leaked from his eyes. when he finally scrambled back to civilization, hastily stuffing himself into the nearest gas station bathroom to avoid prying eyes, he puked his guts out. it was an ultimately futile attempt to get that noxious tar out of his body.

it was poisoning him, he was certain. it felt like it coated every inch of his insides, holding back the air in his lungs and turning the food in his stomach to bile. he didn’t want to look in the mirror. he didn’t want to see the state of himself, what those people had done to him, but he needed to know.

he wished he hadn’t looked. because when he did, he didn't recognize what he saw.

beneath the mask, crusted with black tar, festered two black pits where his eyes once were. he was mesmerized by the fact he wasn’t doubled over with the pain of it all. thinking about it, he was just as mesmerized by something else, too.

how am i able to see right now?

it was something that hadn’t even occurred to him until now.

sight of chernobog, some rogue thought interjected. then, it came back to him. that was what the cultists had said when they gouged out his eyes and replaced them with…

i should not be as calm as i am, reflecting on this.

jack never had been the emotional type, but this was really pushing it. it was like that tar that covered his insides had dampened his emotions, too.

...or maybe he was just denying himself the time to truly reflect on it. a part of him felt if he did that, he might never get back on his feet again. he’d curl up in a ball and crystalize, and years down the line he’d be nothing but dust.

jack didn’t want that. it was like the mountain climbers he’d read about in one of his medical textbooks. he just needed to learn to acclimate to the change in altitude. this could be okay.

how to acclimate, however… that was a tough one. he couldn’t do it around people though, he knew that much. he needed to be somewhere isolated, somewhere he could collect his thoughts and keep anyone else from getting—

go back to the college, his thoughts interjected again. you don’t know what its like to be truly alone. you don’t want that.

jack blinked, but shrugged it off. in the gas station bathroom’s sink he washed his hair, matted with blood, and made certain to wash off any blood that pooled on the porcelain when he was done. he took the mask, cast aside amidst his previous puking session, and slipped it back on. he slipped the hood of his jacket up over it to hide his wet hair, too, and took one final look in the mirror.

it was months from Halloween. there was no way anyone was going to look at him and think ‘yep, that’s normal’. in fact, jack was pretty sure he’d already gotten a horrified look from a lady filling up her tank before he’d darted into the bathroom.

his only hope was going to be finding somewhere secluded to figure all of this out. maybe, when all was said and done with, he could make up the assignments for the last of his classes online. he was pretty sure west point had a program for that.

his uncle had a cabin in some backwoods area nearby, he knew. jack remembered when he was a kid, him, his parents, and his cousins would all stay there during the holidays. his uncle had a different house he lived in, too, so chances were, the place was empty.

and, it was only a few dozen miles north, if he remembered correctly. he was on the track team back in high-school. it wouldn't be easy, but it would be managable.

it was the best shot he had at figuring this all out.

it would have to work.

whatever it was that had happened with the cult, whatever it was that they did to jack, it would all be a distant memory in a few years. it wouldn’t get in the way of his medical degree, and it sure as hell wouldn��t get in the way of his life.

right?

[yandere-romanticaa]

People don't talk about yandere! Atsushi and yandere! Akutagawa and you know what, that's a real shame. Lucky you, I'm here to change that.

Tell you the truth, I feel like they both have a similar type of person they like - someone kind.

Neither one of them is used to any sort of kindness or goodness being extended towards them so this would be something that catches their attention immediately. While Chuuya and Dazai are a bit more complex with what kind of person they like, thus making it almost impossible for them to fall for the same person, Atsushi and Akutagawa aren't like that. They're simple people in their cores who only want some attention.

There's a good chance that you are nothing more than a civilian who's just living your best life and meeting either one of them was by pure chance. Atsushi is definitely the type who would fall for you if you just smiled at him and that smile would be engraved inside his mind for ages - did you really just smile at him? Him, Atsushi Nakajima?

Did he die and go to Heaven?

He's probably the type who would say "I should avoid them, I'm not good enough for them." only to accidentally follow you around town, oops. He is awkward and blushes like a schoolgirl but you always indulge him and never make fun of him. He was always met with kindness and understanding which never fails to make his limbs turn into jelly. Atsushi does his best to be there for you and he likes to be helpful in any way he can ie. carrying your bags for you, helping with chores, disposing of anyone who he thinks is a threat, all that good stuff!

Akutagawa though, he's... He's not quite so easy to woo. Well, he is but not in the same manner as Atsushi.

Those who kill better be prepared to be killed themselves, that is something that Akutagawa has said to himself since day one. He is aware of everything he does and knows all too well that with one wrong step or one bad encounter with the wrong person could end his bitter life in less than a second. He is a person who is used to conflict and abuse in any way, shape and form - just imagine how jarring it would be for him if he met someone who was genuinely nice.

Akutagawa prefers to take on solo missions so you might find him injured on the side of the street and offer yourself to help him but he is having none of it. He's limping and choking on his own blood but he keeps angrily mumbling that he is fine, he has been through worse and he does not need your stupid help.

That's what you are to him, stupid. Can't you take a hint? Leave him be. If he so wished he could tear you to shreds right where you stood, there would be nothing left of you and no one would be able to recognize you, no one to claim your body.

Just as he was about to voice out his thoughts those same words die on his tongue as he takes one good look at you and for a split second his heart is no longer his own. It leaps forward with an emotion he has never felt before as an overwhelming feeling of softness takes over.

Despite his gruff and honestly downright horrible attitude he is grateful to you. He owes you now and he kind of hates a little you because of that but that's besides the point.

Akutagawa makes no effort to be in your life like Atsushi but he lingers, almost like a shadow. Blink and you'll miss him, he always disappears into the crowd just before you even think about calling out to him, his only trace of even being there is his just barely visible black coat that flutters along with the wind as he casually strolls away to the opposite direction.

He would however take great offense if he saw you with Atsushi.

Bitter anger overcomes him as he spends his days following you and the weretiger around, a permanent scowl etched onto his face as he is forced to watch that stupid beast slobber all over you like a dog in heat. "He is pathetic and weak." Akutagawa thinks to himself.

"He could never protect you like I could."

He's playing dumb but Atsushi is aware that he is being followed especially if he is with you, his favorite person. His senses have never led him astray and he is quick to figure out the identity of the stalker. He's nervous, does he make the first move and confront Akutagawa? What does he even want? Days turn into weeks and Atsushi's patience is on thin ice, he has to know.

Strong as he is, Akutagawa was sloppy, tracking him was a cakewalk. He hid himself in the shadows close to the building you were currently in and was most likely waiting for you to exit.

His attack was swift and merciless, pinning Akutagawa to the ground was almost too easy. Naturally, Akutagawa's troublesome ability was quick to retaliate as Atsushi could feel Rashomon's sharp talons being pressed against his back meanwhile Atsushi's own claws nearly slit Akutagawa's throat.

They were neck and neck. Had they not been so close to so many civilians there was no doubt that a horrible brawl would have happened but due to their specific circumstances they called a truce... Barely.

If looks could kill Atsushi would be buried six feet under but he felt no fear, all he wanted was to understand what Akutagawa was doing. The man in black scoffs and turns his back to the weretiger, as if Atsushi was already supposed to know the answer.

"I am in their debt." he says as a matter of factly.

"I could never allow you out of all people to keep that person safe."

Oh his words stung... but Atsushi bit his tongue and calmly (read clenched teeth) asked for a proper explanation and after what felt like hours he finally got one.

Akutagawa has the emotional intelligence of a rock and Atsushi knows this. He is frustrated with the fact that Akutagawa wants to be so close to you but he knows he can't beat him nor can it happen the other way around.

There really was no getting out of this.

In that moment Atsushi made a split second decision that was either going to make his life Hell or maybe, just maybe, a little bit easier.

The two of them made a deal - they were both going to keep an eye out for you. Neither one could be too pushy or demanding, they needed to play fair.

As much as they hated each other they could at least agree that your safety was the most important thing of all.

🕊️ TAGS: @yanroma, @oneoftheprettynerds, @misdollface, @sxy0ung, @rosemary108233, @c4xcocoa, @gettinshiggywithit, @ophticcus

[psychewritesbs]

Chapter 251: Decisive Battle in the Unhabited, Demon-Infested Shinjuku, Part 23--Megumi is back!! aaaaand it's not looking good

Well. In case you've been living under a rock, Megumi is back and everyone and their mom knows about it because Twitter demonstrated to be full of people who lack reading comprehension, basic human compassion, and an understanding of how trauma fucks with the mind. Only the latter is excusable, since this is domain-specific knowledge that I don't expect others to be aware of.

The number of times I've read the word "bitch" next to Megumi's name is appalling to say the least.

So... yeah... happy jjk-Sunday? Sorry, I wish I had a more upbeat intro to my ramble for this chapter but man... this fandom is something else and a lot of the comments about Megumi were just so...

Anyways let's taco'bout Megumi and share Megumi-love under the cut.

What is this irritating feeling?

Why does this matter? If you haven't seen me mention this over on the twt already, Sukuna makes a small gesture that is unequivocally Megumi body-language in chapter 248:

Megumi typically places his hand over his shoulder when he's stressed (although I have to confirm he only does it when stressed):

It isn't just the body language that is significant, but rather the way of thinking itself. I didn't catch this myself, but Ant and Danchou did, so I might not do it justice when explaining it.

This way of thinking is very Megumi-like in how he second-guesses himself. More than second-guessing, however, it also feels like a nascent sense of consciousness. All of this obviously presents a very interesting dilemma because, as Sukuna recognizes, sharing a body with Yuji has changed him.

I think we all knew Yuji or Megumi would be changed by Sukuna--because that is how Gege directed our attention by having Gojo mention Yuji could inherit Sukuna's CT by the mere fact that they shared a body. I know I also assumed that Megumi would maybe learn from Sukuna using 10s. But I also know I never even considered that the opposite could be true: Yuji and Megumi could also change Sukuna.

So, the way I see it, with that hand gesture, we have what appears to be Megumi's sense of self bubbling up from under the surface and changing Sukuna.

What's interesting to me is how subtle this is. Sukuna notices this as an "irritating feeling" that is incomprehensible to someone like him who rejects aspirational ideals.

So, part of what I love about this is that sharing a body with Yuji has deepened Sukuna's own experience of reality.

Sukuna is all ego, right? Ego is everything that is concrete...

So I have to wonder how much of this is also Megumi's own emotional turmoil given what we saw this chapter...

Wake up, Megumi!

Ok so let's do a quick recap...

We also know Tsumiki is integral to how Megumi sees himself. This is very important because Megumi basically makes her his raison d'être. In other words, his whole identity is framed around protecting her during the Culling Game. Aside from the obvious shock that it was to realize Yorozu was pretending to be Tsumiki the whole time, which meant Tsumiki was dead, the issue with Megumi was that he made Tsumiki his identity.

And if there is one thing we have seen happen time and time again in jjk is how being limited by your self-ascribed identity comes back and bites you in the ass.

So in Megumi's case, what happens when his whole identity was framed around a single outcome, and then he realized that outcome turned out to be a failure right from the start?

An identity crisis or basically no sense of self.

So what does he have to live for now?

What reason does he have for living if the person whom he had wrapped his identity around is now gone? This is what created the opening for Sukuna to possess him.

What's crazy about this is that even when he was weakened, he still put up a fight and elicited a "Fushiguro Megumi" from Sukuna. Sukuna had probably already considered the importance of the bath, but this likely solidified the need to have Megumi marinate in cursed energy. Like... this is what it took to bury Megumi's consciousness. Also, this is important because we're talking about marinating in negative emotions "to be near evil".

Now, it's midnight and I got to get to sleep, but the way jjk uses "evil" is not cliché at all, but almost like as a metaphor for chaos, hyper individuality, and instinct. I started writing about Naoki Urasawa's Monster, so hopefully I can get around to explaining the whole good vs. evil dichotomy (which is one of my favorite topics ever) soon, but this is all I'll say for now. I'll come back to this in a sec.

Next, Megumi's own Cursed Technique (which we know is tied to the brain and personality) and hands are used to kill Tsumiki's body and Gojo while Megumi can only observe.

And then, Gojo accidentally blitzes Megumi's soul with his technique.

Like are we for real expecting Megumi to just stand up and start throwing hands after all he's been through? What is wrong with people???!!!!!!!!!!! Have some compassion ffs.

Unfortunately, this isn't just about a lack of reading comprehension and compassion, it's also about lack of domain knowledge. This is Trauma with a BIG T we're talking about, and Trauma has been shown to limit how you see yourself and how you are able to think.

So, of course Megumi is distraught. The writing in this is so damn realistic.

Now, Gege has been paying special attention to Megumi's body language, and while the rest of the fandom is laughing at the "Mahoraga hands", I'm looking at how tightly closed those fists are. Even the way he's curled up in a tight ball... Almost like he's about to blow up from sheer pressure.

Quite the contrast to the last time we saw him in a similar position but with more relaxed body language.

And remember, he marinated in cursed energy so that he would be closer to "evil", right? Plus getting blitzed?

Listen, I am ready for Yuji's pep talk, I am sure it will be generational, but right now, I don't think Megumi is ready (or maybe even able) to hear it. Again, because Trauma with a big T.

Plus Sukuna loosing control of Megumi's body? You kind of have to wonder why Megumi's energy has been crescendoing to the point that Sukuna would be affected by it and not only think like Megumi, but also use body language that is unequivocally Megumi.

This feels like a Megumi is about to snap.

This is starting to feel ominous precisely because he's marinated in these self-destructive emotions for so long. Emotions which surely intensified as he saw the consequences of his inability to take action.

But then again... I was expecting a blood bath out of the culling game and it was everything but so 🤣 idk what to tell y'all. As predictable as he is, Gege is unpredictable af.

Ok I think those are my main thoughts? WHAT ABOUT Y'ALL?!!!!!! What are we thinking? What are the theories? oh mai gah.

Even if I'm responding to asks slowly, I'm still reading them as they come in guys. Sorry, school + work is kicking my ass because well... in typical Megumi fashion I haven't taken responsibility for bringing out my best.

That said, I go off to sleep 🫡 Thanks for reading!

[mothduchess]

Kitsune HRT Part 4

Do you remember school?

Do you remember how time could itch as it crawled along at its tortuous pace? Even when things sped along it felt like it was ripping you up with it. The change was so slow, so monotonous, that you wouldn't realize that an hour had passed and that things have changed until the bell rang your skull. That's exactly what HRT is like. It's not a potion. Gods, I think everyone whose ever laid their eyes on these wretched bottles of joy wished they were, but no - HRT takes time, even when the acronym stands for something different. I was worried it'd end up like estrogen where progress was minimal and slow. While I was on the trail finally, I had to make sure the hike itself didn't exhaust my will to continue. But until now, my journal was clogged with no change except a growing frustration. It was morning once again as light dripped from the growing hole in the blinds, soaking the floor in a pale gold. I rose from the bed as the sheets fell down and looked. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing there. Noth- What was that? That, that right there! I rubbed my legs together and looked down, peering at my feet. Growing like moss I witnessed black fur cropping up from my skin. It wasn't like the hair that grew on my body during my first puberty years ago. It was softer and of a different texture, dark as pitch. As my fingers explored my lower extremities, I felt something beneath the skin as different. Near imperceptibly, but it was different nonetheless; digits felt shorter, closed; the nails were ever so harder and darker; the heel even felt like it was further from the ball of the foot. I took to the floor. Instantly I recognized the shift in gait and posture as my weight felt over my toes and lifting my heels ever so slightly up into the air. Right. Left. There was a noted bounce in each stride, more so than when I had done such a gait weeks prior - it'd cause my feet to ache and groan despite all the joy it provoked. I lurched towards my mirror. My arms lashed out in desperation, narrowly anchoring me in place before my head cracked upon my art desk. "Stupid wires... gotta get used to this balance." I tore my gaze from my feet and gasped - more than they had changed. It wasn't extreme. To call it a fur coat was an insult, but to call it mine was a pleasure. FUR. More than just the black fur upon the shifting feet, I saw reds and whites play across my skin. I ran my fingers across the colorful patches; it was hard to not become enraptured by how the light danced between each tuft of fur as a snake might slither through grass. It tickled my finger tips, snuck under my nails before flicking out and shifted when I leaned closer to the cracked open finger. My grin likely was swallowing my eyes. But it couldn't last - most of the fur vanished as I put on a shirt, obscuring the subtle wonder underneath cloth. The snow of melancholy fell quietly upon my mind before quickly melting into quiet creeks. No. I couldn't let the sadness grip me. "Remember Jen. It's all baby steps." The old leather chair cried out as I fell into its embrace before my computer, sliding on up. On autopilot my fingers worked their way around pill bottles to line up the morning dose. "I wonder if humanity replacement HRT is better as shots than pills..." The thoughts dissolved as the pills that spawned them did the same beneath the tongue. With a few simple keystrokes, I was online. The chatrooms and servers coated the screen, a comfortable patchwork quilt of all the friends and family I'd met over the years. But a slowness entered my fingers, lingered upon my tongue. My gaze wilted, falling to my feet.

The internet is truly excellent. It can bring so many people together, near effortlessly. From different walks and different worlds, I had met people who supported me. Who had been there for me. Their words had always been kind, their presence welcomed. But that didn't stop the cursor from quietly trudging across the screen and opening up a playlist. "They're not *here*," I reminded myself. I looked around my room; it called forth an image of a white box with far too few holes that it should have, in its sides. "I'll see them later. Just, a bit of relaxing first." I pressed play, sending my mind into itself. My eyes fell shut, the walls began to recede, and a new world took its place.

White sand gave way beneath her paws as she marked a path along the empty shore; emerald waves crawled with the tides as violet ships calmly bobbed off on the curving horizon, a red sun hanging high and far. Her tails drifted behind her with the silent wind. A parasol politely curled and twisted within her dainty grasp. Soft music drifted in from places unknown, filling the beach with serene strings and soaring melodies. One of the boats swung by, colored blue and gold with sails made of light and great wheels of fog that pushed it along. Atop the boat, whimsically dressed creatures waved back. Their features were smooth and simple, yet soft and pleasing. A hyena and a bear, a wolf and a pigeon, an owl and a rat. It was romantic. It was peaceful. Or it would, were it not for the shipwrecks. Scattered. Marred. Half-buried by the preadolescent sands. Old ships and forgotten hulls jutted from the nearby waters, bleached browns and gnarled blacks from relationships past. The kitsune looked at them, pain pulling down her smile. She kicked a crest of sand, trying to cover up the names of the ships. There weren't many, and yet they called to her with the strength of thunder, cried like the rain! A storm begun to roll in from above the viridian sea. She stepped back. Roses sprouted from her pawprints only to wither in the presence of the long dead boats. She shook her head, no no no. She turned to leave as the storm was clawing its way across the sky, no no no. She looked to the woods NO NO NO-!

My eyes snapped open. Lips parted in a spiraling crack as a nervous laughter slipped out, first quietly, before breaking its restraints and flying free from my throat. Every now and then a note would squeak more than holler, yet it still was rather human all-together. Slowly, I felt my composition return to me. Fretful fingers dragged at my elbows. I rolled the ugly truth around my mouth for a while, before looking out the window. Finally, a sigh left me. "You need to go out more, Jen." Kitsune HRT: 1 Moth Month -FUCK FUCK FUCK -FUUUUURRRRRRRRR!!!! -(Also paws???!!!??) -My balance is all kinds of weird right now. I cannot wait till those tails come in. Oooooh shoes might be a nightmare. -Anxiety is still a bitch. I wonder if the fox chemicals will help? -Though if my luck is anything, that one shift down the line will make me spiral. -P.S. Get pet shampoo

------------------------------------------------------------------- <PREV FIRST NEXT> A side path....? (Warning: horror elements) WOO! This one, while a bit shorter, is finally done! I hope yall are enjoying the more mental aspects of all this. I promise, we'll get to the juicy species changing stuff soon. Just trying to figure out how to fill out the roster, haha.

[written-in-flowers]

Hi!! Could you do a drabble for Aemond x lowborn reader (fem), where Aemond is torn bc he fell in love for the first time but also feels a sense of duty to marry a highborn lady bc he’s a prince? And maybe he even comes to his father Viserys for advice? 😩 I think we were robbed of father/son interactions on the show

Ooooh, I sense forbidden romance in the air! Lovely, hope you enjoy!

Marks That Bind Us

He already felt stupid for asking. What answer is he possibly expecting to get? 'Yes, son of mine, you may marry the lowborn servant in the kitchens.' It sounded ridiculous even saying it to himself. But, the fool in his wished to try. The same fool who'd paused when you'd first entered the room, holding a tray of food to serve at their table.

He'd never seen you before that moment. Granted, the Red Keep is full of servants working day and night to serve the royal family. But, he recognized faces and remembered names well. Your face was one he'd definitely have remembered. He kept himself composed, cold and unfeeling, as you placed a bowl of greens nearest him. He did not let his eyes linger on you long, and he drank wine to find something to do. You unsettled him, but not in an unpleasant way. He then watched you leave without saying a word.

He saw you again walking across the yard. You had a basket of vegetables freshly pulled from the earth, and on your way to the cook. He'd kept on sparring with Ser Cole to not bring attention to himself, but his one eye kept you in view. He couldn't help noticing the sun shining your hair, and the sparkle in your eyes. You were lovely in the general sense; the same way any woman would be lovely, but it still caught him off guard. Just like Ser Cole's shield when it slammed into his chest.

He found out who you were, and that you worked in the kitchens. Aemond suddenly decided he no longer liked the serving girl who tended to his chambers, his linens, clothes, and cups. You were brought to him the following morning, carrying a breakfast tray for him. He let you serve him, without saying anything as he nibbled on this and that. You'd changed from the grubby scullery maid dress into the serving one, a red dress with a white apron. It looked nice on you. He tried finding something to say as you moved about fixing his room and changing out sheets. Aemond finally spoke to you when he claimed he had trouble tying his jerkin. He pretended to have a shoulder injury, and therefore needed assistance. You'd appeared reluctant at first, unsure of his real intentions, before he urged you to come over.

He watched you deftly tie each piece of clothing. His eyes took in the shape of your nose and lips. He saw the large dark mark around above your left eyebrow and curling onto your temple down to your cheekbone. He'd never noticed it until now because your hair kept it covered, but being closer, he inspected it further.

"That's an interesting birthmark," he commented, nodding to it as you finished clasping his doublet together.

"Um, thank you, Your Grace," you replied shyly, finishing up his doublet. "Some people tell me it's shaped like the moon."

"A crescent moon."

"A what?"

"The moon when it's shaped like your scar."

"Oh, I see. I always wondered what that was called..." you then realized your proximity to him and backed away. "Forgive me, Your Grace. I-"

"-You haven't done anything wrong," he insisted. "Only talk, nothing more. You may go now."

He watched you leave, and wished he'd made you stay. The days carried on like this: you helping him with his routines in the morning and at night, occasionally making conversation until he's forced to dismiss you. He particularly enjoyed how you never seemed to stare at his sapphire eye. You acted as if it he were whole, a full man with all his parts. Women always noticed it first, and their faces of disgust or distaste bothered him. He tried not caring, but it grew under his skin. You dared to ask him about it once.

"How'd it happen, Your Grace?"

"How did what happen?"

"Your eye..."

He took a drink from his cup and told you the story. Well, his version of it. He said he'd been attacked by two boys, they got into a scuffle, one of them pulled out a blade and slashed his eye. You were enraptured by the story.

"It must be difficult," you said after, "Having to live with only one eye. I imagine lots of people stare and..." you stopped talking, realizing you'd move onto sensitive grounds.

"It is hard," he nodded. "But, I like to think it gives me an advantage. My opponent thinks he can come at me on my left, but then is instantly proven wrong when I strike him with my blade."

"I didn't mean simply for fighting, Your Grace," you replied. "I mean for normal things as well. I imagine lots of noble ladies don't want to marry a man missing an eye. I hear the lot of them say you're scary and intimidating."

He stood up from his table, walking over to you. You did not back away from him. Staring into your eyes, he asked, "Do you think I'm scary?"

You looked over his face, then said, "I've met scarier men than you."

"Have you?"

"There was this brute I met on the Street of Silk-"

"-You worked there? Before coming here?"

"No, Your Grace, I lived there with my mother. She was a whore, who had me in the brothel where she bedded my father." You spoke so plainly to him. He liked it. "The brute was missing an eye, had sharpened his teeth to fine points, cut his nails into claws, and ate raw meat. They called him The Beast."

"Sounds terrifying," he replied in an unimpressed tone.

"You wouldn't talk like that if you'd seen him."

You both talked throughout the night. You told him stories of your childhood in the city and of your family. He recounted tales of him flying on Vhagar and about the other dragons of old. You made him feel human. He liked that. Finally, one night after a few cups of wine, he bedded you. It'd been gentle, slow, and passionate. The both of you became one soul, one body. Aemond realized, as he watched you quake underneath him, that he did not wish for anyone else.

But, you were lowborn. A bastard girl of a whore in King's Landing, who never met her father and works as a servant to the prince. You were not marriage material to anyone who mattered. His duty as a prince was to marry a high born lady from a noble house to strength his family's alliances. He always stood by his duty; he refused to be like Aegon, who liked shirking away from his as much as possible. He'd do right by his family, and be the good soldier who did what was expected. Yet, he desired something more, something real. He'd done many great things for his family; he'd burn down cities for them. Perhaps, just perhaps, they might let him have this one thing.

Walking into his father's bed chambers, he found the old king sitting by his model of Old Valyria. Shaky hands whittled away at a new dragon piece. Aemond could smell the sickness being masked underneath incense burned by the maesters. His father still had some of his mind left. He'd not completely lost himself yet.

"Father?" he called to him, standing by the door with his feet apart and hands behind his back. Be a good soldier, son. Let him see you are serious.

"Ah, Aemond," he smiled softly, rotting teeth starting to show on the bottom half, "My son...How good to see you."

"Yes, um," he stepped forward, "There was...there was something I wish to ask you."

He'd normally go to his mother for this request, but he knew what she'd say. She'd tell him 'no'. His father, a man and the king, had better sway. If he can break laws to make Rhaenyra, a woman, an heir to the throne, then he can break a law for him, his trueborn son.

"What is it, son? Sit, sit down."

Aemond took a seat across from his father. He watched brittle hands work the dragon into its shape. He must know. Even if he gets what he expected, he must ask. "Father, you once broke tradition and law to make Rhaenyra your heir-"

"-Not this again," he groaned. "I told Hightower that I will not change my mind-"

"-No, no, it isn't about that, Father. It's..." he took a deep breath, "I wish to marry, Father."

His eyes lit up, "Is that so? Who is she?"

"Well, her name is Y/N. She is clever, charming, gentle, and kind. She...She's wonderful," he replied. 'And, I wish to marry her."

"Who is her father? Her house?"

"She...well, you see..."

His father nodded sagely, "I see. She is lowborn, I take it?"

"Yes."

"Bastard born?"

"Yes."

"Comely?"

"Very. I love her, Father. I love her, and I..." he exhaled deeply, "I have always done everything you and mother ever wanted. I trained myself in sword and shield. I studied history, philosophy, art, and war. I have been cordial to my half-sister and her children when you've asked. I have always maintained the respect, and uphold the values and traditions of our house," he said, "But, for once, Father...Let me have one thing. Let me have her hand."

"You may have her," Viseryes said after a long pause, "But, you may not wed her."

"Father, I-"

"-You will marry a noblewoman and have noble children. You may keep this girl as a bedmate or a paramour, but marriage? I am sorry, but I cannot allow this."

"Why not? You allow Rhaenyra to do as she pleases! To seek her pleasures and always turn a blind eye to anything she's ever done." Rage began burning inside him. He stood up, fury burning at his father. He should have known.

"Rhaenyra married in her bloodline and had children as expected of her station. You must do the same, to keep peace and prosperity going."

He scoffed at these words. Aemond did not know what answer he expected. Perhaps he'd expected his father to be on his side for once; to care about Alicent's children rather than only his first wife's child. "I..." he balled up his fists, "I understand, Father."

"I'm not saying you can't keep the girl."

"I wanted a life with her. I want children with her."

"Which you can have."

"It is not the same, and you know it isn't!" he snapped at him. "I should have suspected as much from you. If our name isn't 'Rhaenyra' then we go unnoticed by you."

"Aemond-"

He stormed out before his father could see the real fury. Aemond did not tear up or feel weepy. His fire burned. It roared. He stormed into his apartments where you stood, putting his mended doublet on a table.

"Your Grace, I-"

"-We're leaving."

"Leaving?"

"Yes, leaving."

"You talked to your father then?" you smiled expectantly.

"Yes, and it went exactly as I expected, but," he cupped your cheek and brought you close, "That won't stop us. I don't need his approval. I don't need any of this. I only need you."

You stared at him for a moment, then nodded slowly. You left him for a corner of his bedroom by his bed. Tapping the wall, the side cracked open and he saw the secret passage door. He watched you bend down and show him two rucksacks with disguises. He smiled.

Yes, he would marry you and damn it all.

[soulkeeper801]

Distance - Im Nayeon

Im Nayeon x f!reader

Fluff

Nayeon loved to tour. 

Being away with the girls was almost like a break from the routine she had already set for herself in Seoul. Even if the first days would be filled with jet lag and getting up early felt even harder, she enjoyed the feeling of being overseas. 

Wandering through the streets of LA reminded her how her hard work had paid off, she saw herself on the biggest screens of the city and noticed how people recognized her while walking by. 

She took a picture of the sunset with her phone and sent it to you.

“I wish you were here right now,” she texted.

If she wasn’t wrong, you should be having breakfast at home. 

“Love your view, baby!” you texted back immediately. “I’m gonna have brunch with Chaeryeong in a while, let’s talk later?”

Nayeon sighed. 

“Sure, love. Say hi to Chaer for me”.

She took a look at the colors that the sun painted on the clouds and smiled softly at them. At least you were both under the same sky.

Nayeon arrived at her hotel room a couple of hours later. She went to have dinner at a fancy restaurant with Momo and Chaeyoung and spent a while shopping around the city. Her mind relaxed for a moment and she forgot about all her responsibilities while enjoying a short time out.

She took a seat in front of her mirror and prepared herself to take her makeup off. As she did so, she video called you to see your face before going to bed.

“My love,” you said, while you were trying to place the phone against the flower vase on the table of your shared apartment, trying to make it stand.

She smiled widely at the sight of you with a bowl of what seemed to be cereal. A sandwich on a plate next to it. For a second it felt like she was back home.

“Unnie!” a voice shouted in the back, “I’m taking good care of Y/N so you don’t have to worry!”

Chaeryeong. 

Nayeon’s smile faded away slowly.

“I thought you were going out for brunch,” Nayeon said, grabbing a piece of cotton dipped in micellar water.

“Oh, no, no,” Chaeryeong replied before you, “I decided to cook something here and let Y/N have a little taste of what I can do”.

Nayeon gulped. That didn’t have a double meaning, did it?

“How was your day, babe?” you asked, noticing how her mood had changed due to Chaeryeong’s answer.

“Fine, I got us matching bracelets for our second anniversary. I wanted it to be a surprise but I’m just too excited,” she said, her wide smile returning to her face as she left the cotton pad on the drawer bringing the phone closer to her face.

“Beautiful,” you whispered. 

She blushed at the comment even if she was expecting it.

“Unnie, I’m going to the store real quick to get more milk, do you need anything?”

You shook your head and Chaeryeong grabbed your keys before making her way out.

“She’s driving your car?” Nayeon asked, raising an eyebrow at the action.

“Babe,” you said, dragging out your words. “You’re not mad she’s spending time with me, are you?”

“Am I mad that the girl who used to have the biggest crush on you only happens to hang out with you when I’m not around?” she asked sarcastically, tapping her index finger on her chin repeatedly. “What do you think?”

You chuckled. “I love you, alright? She’s just being the friendly kid she is. I know I’m like a sister to her”.

Nayeon rolled her eyes. “You’re mine, alright? I don’t share”.

“I know, 100% yours”.

She smirked at your words. “Now show me what you’re wearing”.

“Im Nayeon!” you shouted, “she’s going to be back any minute!”

She chuckled at your reaction. “I’ll call you before you go to bed, be ready for me, alright?”

[secretwhumplair]

The Outpost

633 words | The black prince [WT] (sequel to It's night and they escape and head for the border)

Content | Multiple whumpees, broken bones, fear, implied/mentioned: starvation, slavery, war themes

Notes | Hooray! They made it! Right.

Why am I struggling so much with titling right now sdkfaskf it's bad enough I have to name all these characters and places

Elgar had underestimated how exhausting it would be, for both of them, to stay on a horse for hours. He hadn’t even managed to get the animal to pick up a trot, but even so, he worried his companion might fall off any minute, their frail body slumped against his.

The first light of dawn was creeping over the horizon, stealing through the forest where they were following a path narrow enough it might have been trodden into the ground by wild animals only. Elgar had no idea whether the wretch knew where they were going. They only reached out to weakly tap his leg when the horse slowed down, even though Elgar himself barely had the strength anymore to encourage it forward. By now it had stopped more than once to nibble at some herbs by the wayside.

But then, the forest suddenly retreated, revealing a large clearing, and at the center of it what was clearly a fortified outpost of the Ochurian military.

Elgar’s heart sank when he saw it. The wretch might find help here—and he was glad, he was—but he? His insides squirmed. A part of him was utterly convinced he had merely exchanged one cruel master for another.

But then, if so, what difference did it really make? At least the wretch would be safe. Wouldn’t they?

When they approached, a guard called out to them in Ochurian. Elgar didn’t understand a word of it, but their rough, hostile tone was enough to make him want to cower—not that he could.

The wretch stopped the horse, or let it stop. Elgar wished they could have gone a little closer, so the soldiers could see the deplorable state they were in and perhaps take pity, or at any rate recognize the wretch as one of their own at least by ancestry.

Elgar could only reply in the Rekkshuran he had picked up during his captivity and hope that a military man so close to the border would understand at least a few words. »We come as refugees. My companion is of your people. They need a medic,« he added without much hope. »Please.«

There was some commotion, then quiet that stretched uncomfortably long. Elgar noticed he could barely feel his feet or hands after travelling through the cold night. The wretch was so immobile they might as well have died right there before him.

Finally, the gate opened. »Come,« someone called in heavily accented Rekkshuran.

Elgar cued the horse forward with all the strength he had left, and they managed to get through the gate, where a number of curious soldiers was awaiting them. Many of them gave him hostile looks, just like he had expected. There was a knot in his throat. He thought of the wretch’s hands closing in the dark of the stable: I’ll protect you. But they couldn’t speak. They could hardly move any more by the looks of it.

Now, though, they managed to raise their head and meet the eyes the unamused man approaching them—the resident big cheese by the way he, and the soldiers around him, acted.

Elgar would never forget the moment that followed: the way the commander’s face changed from stern mistrust to open dismay.

He rushed to the side of the horse. »Your Highness… my Prince.«

Elgar could only stare as the word echoed through his suddenly empty head. Prince prince prince. The poor soul he had seen as equal to his own miserable state, had casually taken by the hand, had sought to soothe with what now seemed like the most condescending phrases… a prince.

A whole new fear bubbled up in his throat like acid.

The wretch—prince—merely fell off the horse, and was caught securely in the arms of the commander.

[mariamariquinha]

Versos de Placer (Colonel Carrillo x f!reader) - Fourteen

Summary: A letter for you.

Word count: 5.3k

Warnings: Bad words, slight violence, more daddy issues, fluff, mention of sickness, some angst and... did I say fluffl?

Author’s Note: Oof, I really thought about how would I say goodbye to this story. There's so much I want to say, but for now I hope the words I wrote here makes some difference in what we build as a small community of mutual interest in writing and appreciating what we had of Carrillo.

Quite a journey to get here, right? And I should thank everyone for each conversation, each comment and appreciation towards this. As a non-English speaker, bring all of this here had been a challenge, but one I accepted with love.

As always, I hope I could give a good end for this love story. See ya!

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Join my taglist! Don’t forget to reblog, comment and like! As always, I would love to know what you’re all thinking! ❤

******

I wish I had done it differently, yes, but I don't think you should forgive me anyway. You don't know me and, by extension, you have every right to doubt my nature. Honestly, I recognize that that letter changed my life, as it reaffirmed that even though I’m in front of bullets or knives or big violent men every day, I’m still my father's daughter, which makes me a coward.

The Sun was burning your scalp a little, so you scratched the top of your head now and again because the heat was bothering you. From afar, you saw the small commotion in front of the building: people going out and about, fuzzing over each other. He didn’t exactly tell you where he was staying (you didn’t ask either), but the badge could do some convincing, such as your name. At least you hoped so. 

You looked at both sides of the street before crossing and, when you did, you ended up bumping into a girl – you apologized, even if a little bewildered, and she said everything was fine with a smile that you hadn't seen in those surroundings for a long time. That caught you a little by surprise, so you watched her go with a dumb expression in the middle of the sidewalk. 

“Permiso,” Excuse me, You said, approaching the doorman who was sitting in the empty lobby with his arms crossed.

He was cooperative and friendly, but said he wasn't sure if there would be anyone with that name there because the Americans were already leaving. Still, he called the hamal in apartment 15 (you saw him do it over his shoulder) and, shortly after, said that you were lucky and could come up.

Your father was already at the door when the elevator arrived and, for a moment, the two of you stood there for almost a minute just staring at each other without saying anything, as if you were meeting for the first time. He knew there was something you wanted to say that was unconventional, at least by the way he looked you up and down suspiciously, but he didn't give in to asking the question. With a gesture of his head, your father suggested (not offered, suggested) for you to come closer and you did so, just like when you were a child and had to ask permission to sit at the dinner table to eat. 

The apartment itself was already empty, except for a few pieces of furniture that were still scattered around and would probably be collected later. The floor creaked a little because it was made of parquet and the walls were obviously old – weird for someone with so much 'caliber', but you understood that maybe it was just a disguise for the neighbors.

“I still have a bottle of whiskey around here somewhere,” He said, even if not moving a muscle to reach for the said thing. 

“I’m good,” You shook your head, in time to see him agreeing silently. 

An awkward silence followed the decline. With that, you gave yourself another chance to look around and find something to comment on before going straight to the point. 

“When is your flight?” 

“In about three hours,” He shrugged. “I believe that the Embassy didn’t ask you to give me a ride like the first time.”

“You would know if they did,” You smile didn’t quite reach your eyes. He saw that and responded the same way, even pulling a chair out of the small table in the living room to make himself comfortable for a confrontation. 

“What is it then? Did I forget to file some paperwork or something? Because if that's the case, I have to let you know that I-” 

“Were you the one who killed Juan Marcos?”

The question caught him off guard, but not in a harsh way – he probably felt more outrage for the fact that you interrupted him, something he never took quite well. For a moment, then, your father just stared back at you, then scoffed as if you were stupid. 

“Thinking about leaving flowers on his grave before you leave?” 

“I don't think your moral compass is adjusted enough for you to remember which ditch you used to dispose of his body,” You crossed your arms over your chest, not failing for a moment to spit out your thoughts. 

“Don't be moralistic.”

“Don’t worry about it. We’ve just been in this hell for so long, right? Catching criminals, doing the dirty work… that’s enough for you to give me some answers.” 

Again, a bit of quietness, but a contemplative one. He had that easy expression on his face, as if you two were discussing the weather, one that always put you on the edge of pure rage. You waited patiently, tho.

“... I did.”

“How.”

“You saw him, you know how.”

“Is this the kind of thing you would do for a daughter?” 

“It is, because I did,” He said calmly. “Is this some kind of intervention? This is what you want? Resolve all the frustrations you have with me now, hours before I, what’s that you said? Disappear from your life?” 

You looked at him with pursed lips, feet tapping on that stupid floor to prevent any more unwanted feelings. It felt like the Sun was burning your scalp again, so you unconsciously scratched that area again before rolling your shoulders and staring at him with a stone cold expression – one you certainly got from his side of the family. The question was there, burning in your lungs and throat, ready to leave your mouth and make him lose that sarcastic smile on his face. 

“... Would you do that for a son?”

The decline in his comfort was gradual, progressive, millimetric. The corners of his mouth lowered into a straight line, his jaw tightened, and his eyes darkened intensely. You flexed your fingers discreetly, trying to hide your defensive posture with the possibility of another aggressive approach on his part, but all he did was access you cautiously while looking for the justification for your question in the way you stood there, in front of him.

“What did you do?” He frowned, probably not sure of the end of that topic. 

“Me? Nothing,” You shrugged, head shaking. “Your son did.”

Your father rose from his seat with a harsh scrape of the chair but you kept still, glaring back at him. He could come closer, could do what he did in the office; it wouldn’t happen, though. You both knew, somehow, that someone was his weak point, the thing that couldn’t make him have good nights of sleeping for a reason you’ll never understand. 

That made you scoff a laugh before averting your gaze. 

“Now you know how it is.”

“Oh, so that’s what it is? Revenge?” His voice was so harsh, so taken by reticence and rage, that it made him static in a certain type of fury. 

“I think my best revenge was knowing that you got what you wanted most and he was nothing like what you expected,” You took one step closer, then another, and you two stood there, eye to eye. “Can you imagine? Being your son and having decency?”

“You better-”

“I better what? What, dad? Shut my mouth? Stop talking about Jorge? Or should I wait until you give me the first blow?”

Nothing. He stood there like a bull, fuming and grinding his teeth – no hand raised, no closed fists. 

“You asked what I want with all this, with this drama… I never expected anything I discovered about your life to be ethical or clean. You do whatever you want,” You shrugged again, this time going full exaggerated with a fake coy expression. “What I want is for you to take that plane, go back to the States and spend the rest of your days thinking of how your beloved son couldn’t be any more different than you in anything, better than you in anything and a man you’ll never be even closer to be. All that while being raised by a whore.” 

The slap was a familiar feeling, like that specific side of your face had a shape to fit his open hand like a glove. Even the movement of your head, the mixing of your insides, it had a natural way to flow, to go this way or another. Still, you’d been caught by surprise, so next thing you knew, your gum was bleeding – you could taste blood on the tip of your tongue, see it on the tip of your fingers when you assessed the small damage. It had the sting, the sharp pain, but that didn’t get a rise out of you. 

“That’s what you told him? That I’m your bad father who didn't beat you enough to give you good manners?”

“... Why would I need good manners? I’m a whore, right? Good manners wouldn’t make me fuck Carrillo like I wanted to and you couldn’t do shit to stop it,” That came out with such a force. “In all my life, nothing made me more happy than to trespass your limits as much as I could, to make you show your true colors and still put that scary expression on your face.”

With this, you took a few steps back, adjusting your clothes and smiling, the inside of your mouth and your teeth probably red from the blood. 

“Take that plane, go back home. I know that you’ll lie in your bed tonight knowing that you’ll have the same future as that damned Juan Marcos, alone in a grave that no one’ll visit.” 

It was as if thousands of years and hurt had finally created the courage to leave your shoulders, as if all the suffering he put your mother through had transformed into a controlled and punctual fury in your heart. A return. An end. And you left there knowing that, with that, you closed a cycle that gave you a happiness more sincere than Escobar's dead body on that roof.

******

Two days before…

You weren’t with your work clothes, so the heat was more bearable with the tank top. The worn out jeans were still there, just as the old boots, and just as the gun and badge. Habits. Carrillo looked at you beside him in the car, arms crossed with the stance of that old self, full Colonel mood of his. 

“Are you sure the info is relatable? Safe?”

“I am. Do you want me to bring all of the Colombian Army to this when you all should be celebrating something out there?” You turned to him with a teasing smile, seeing the frown on his face getting even more deeper. “Horacio-”

“Some of them are still out there. You should at least let Trujillo do a-”

“You’re already here with me, Horacio, and this is already too much. There’s people who need you right now.”

Instead of answering, he let you hold his toned arms, then both sides of his neck to melt some of his stubbornness in avert your gaze. Not getting a reaction, you tilted your head to get a better look of his face, jaw tightening in insistence, which made you sigh and let him go. 

“You don’t know him,” He said. 

“I’m aware.”

“And we’ve been through enough to be suspicious.”

“I’m aware,” You insisted, brows raised. “To be honest, I don’t know if I wanna do this but… If it’s him, if… I need to be sure.” 

“Why?” 

For a moment you just stared at his confused expression, not knowing the right answer to that – not sure if you had one. Then you pursed your lips, shook your head and averted his eyes to look through the window, where you could see the small house from afar. 

“... When my father left, my mother kind of disappeared. Mentally. It was as if the lights were on but no one was home,” Your tone was recoiled, way too low for someone so confident about their decisions. “He said some things to her, said this country was hell but even some cheap pussy could give him what he wanted. I honestly didn’t even know why he needed so much to have a son.”

You could feel Carrillo watching you carefully while you used that false calmness to explain what you wanted to say clearly.

“This made me spend time with my paternal grandparents because she couldn't bear to see me. I was a very complicated, restless child, so when my grandfather started using the old methods he used with my father and uncles when I messed up, I understood why he wanted a boy.”

You felt a weight on your chest, one that almost made you cry.

“At least I think I understand. He wanted to take out the frustrations of what he went through on someone and I was a girl, so naturally I couldn't handle punishment or fits of rage. I would have marks like my mother had and that would make things more complicated for his conscience. A boy could be molded to be strong, resilient. I was always too emotional for him.” 

Like the perpetuation of the species to whom he could transfer descendants or something like that. Bullshit. 

“I understand. Well, at least I think I would be that kind of person if things weren't different.”

“I don't think it's the same thing,” You shook your head. “You're here, that's more than he's ever done.”

“Because I love you.”

“And if you had children, you would love them too.”

Carrillo didn’t say anything. The idea of ​​children only crossed his mind when he was younger, as soon as he married Juliana, and it seemed so distant that he forgot what it would be like to imagine a life with children. You didn't want that, that's for sure; Given the life you two had, it would even be selfish to bring a child into the world. And even if the car was so quiet, so… calm, Carrilo always had the feeling that someone was lurking, and he felt bad for thinking that, in another time, he would be the same type of father as your father was.

You could feel, little by little, how his hand sneaked closer to yours, the tip of his fingers carefully passing through your knuckles before going up to your wrist. It was so soft, the way he touched you to test the water, to not invade your space, that when his hand reached for your forearm, pulling you just enough to make you turn to him, nothing could stop you from hugging him as if your life depended on it, pressing against his body fiercely. 

He didn't say anything because he didn't know how to say anything, because it wasn't like hearing the news that your father was coming to Colombia. Horacio was never good with soothing words. He knew how to act, that's for sure; in that case, if it were possible, if that sliver of humanity were to come away from him once and for all, your father would become a ghost like everyone else.

Well, but you already knew that – he had told you that when he recovered you from another low blow from your father. Selfishly, Horacio would always do his best to create miles of distance between the things he truly loved and those who risked any trace of peace he had achieved. And maybe you didn't know this, but he had made this promise to himself.

I'm not going to lose anymore, Horacio pressed you tighter against him, staring at the wall with the coldness of his decision. I don’t accept that.

“Let’s do this.”

******

I imagine to this day that you would never like Horacio. You always seemed too ‘communist’, progressive enough, but you would laugh until your stomach hurt at how stubborn he was. Still, I don't want to convince you to like him; I just want to tell you that it wasn't him who told me to leave before I could see you that day. You were fine, you were beautiful (I still know you are) and you were holding a baby in your lap, which I later realized was that of one of the patients you saved during an emergency birth. I was only there for 30 minutes and I heard people say more good things about you than they could ever say about me in my entire life. That's when I knew I had to leave you alone.

I cried in his arms later; I would cry a lot more in the years that followed, but I reserved every minute of my future life, the life I never planned for myself, to gather all the memories of what I could tell you one day. No, I'm not dying, at least not from my health, because you know that everyone dies one day, but I've been writing to you because I want you to know that you don't deserve the family you have because you're too good for us.

I want to tell you about Horacio. I want to tell you what we did and how I miss some things in life. I want to tell you this because I know he could be a solid bridge between the two of us, the person who would interpret you for me and interpret me for you. My mother would never be able to do it because of resentment, our father because of disregard and we because of ignorance.

Horacio, however, was my surprise during the time I spent in Medellín. If I want you to know me, I want to be able to reveal my best side, what I truly achieved when I decided I would love him.

******

It was strange not having plans, but you got on the plane alone. Horacio couldn't go with you, not at that moment; there was love between you, yes, but there was also responsibility, and he would never leave his own country behind. You understood. During the time you spent in Bogotá (not in Medellín), the two of you did things together: went out to dinner, visited places, had sex… Things that couples did. When you got on the plane, it was with the uncertainty that things would one day be okay, and that you would be able to reconcile life in Los Angeles with what had happened to the two of you in Colombia.

This was our father's fault and I'm completely sure of that. I was disallowed from having any further contact with the case, which I understood as private revenge for what I did, as if he wanted to take away more of the happiness you could have had if you were to work with Peña and Horacio later. I always resented him for that, I still do. Maybe it wasn't the worst thing he had done and today I know it wasn't, but it was as if every minute of my life, he took away a little of my happiness.

The letters you exchanged were always long, which went quite against his personality. It was as if, finally, he said in words everything he thought, did and gave his opinion. On your part, there were important descriptions, such as how much your mother was fond of him and the cases you worked on at the DEA. He, on the other hand, mentioned the well-known day to day life with Peña, what they worked on and how he missed you, above all, which hurt your heart.

“God, you have to put an end to this. I want to see you happy again, my daughter, and I want to meet him.” 

In one of them, which was a call, he told you something that he kept so deeply within himself that he was certain that, one day, he would come back to you for good and that there would be no turning back.

“I want to marry you. I see no other choice and I have no other way out. I need to assure myself that I’ll no longer have to tolerate this ordeal without knowing that I’ll come home and find you.” 

“Don't be so dramatic... I know people who would find our obstacles small compared to what they go through. I’ll wait for you, no matter how long it takes.”

“So wait. The next time we see each other, I'll have a ring to put on your finger.” 

You know, I always thought he was a brute, but Horacio never failed to keep his promises. In fact, he came back with a ring, and we actually got married, which was a simple thing that meant enough to both of us. We moved to El Paso. It was close to Peña, in fact, and sometimes we spent holidays together, which I never thought would happen. Maybe, thinking about it now, it's those moments that I miss most.

“Is that white hair?”

“Fuck off, we both know we’re getting old,” You elbowed Javier in the guts, puffing smoke in the Texan hot air. “By the way, you’re getting a belly down there. Don’t come at me.”

“What I gained, you lost. Have you been eating?” 

No was the proper answer. He knew it was, and that was why he asked. Still, you shrugged, taking another drag. 

“... Yes.”

“Hey-”

“I am, Javi, I promise. It's just been different.”  

“I hope so. One of you needs to remain standing.”

It was around the time our father passed away. Well, I can't say for sure if it was too close or too far, especially since he fulfilled his own mission of dying alone. I didn't have the opportunity to talk after he got sick; I didn't even know if he had someone. Today I'm almost the same age as he was when I was in Medellín and I can't see him in myself, while I don't know if I would live my life differently if he asked me for forgiveness. Below I leave exactly where he is buried and, if you want, you can visit him. If you're the praying type, decide if it makes sense to give him the privilege of prayer; God knows I'd like that too.

******

At that point of things, you made fun of Horacio for not actually marrying you like the tradition said, just giving you the ring he promised he would, but you understood that the world didn't survive on big events like that.

When he found out what the diagnosis was, you went straight to the computer and did your research. It wasn't that you didn't believe the doctors, but the first step to acceptance was denial, and you knew how to do that very well. At the time, you had just been promoted to an important position in Mexico. You found a good doctor there who could treat him, and the offer didn't get as much back-up as you thought it would – it was like he thought he was going to die.

It was a very different change than it had been when you went to Colombia years before. There was no urgency, no hustle, just the tranquility of a bureaucratic job with a good house, space for a yard and a good salary. 

“It's in the early stages, so it's a relatively simple treatment. The change in routine and habits will be more severe, so I would be more attentive to that.”

You decided to stop smoking along with him because of this and, deep down, Horacio was a little upset at having to stop this habit.

“I don't know, I just feel embarrassed,” He said one night, you two sitting on the porch because he wanted to take a look at the street. “I didn't imagine that my life would end without emotion.”

“You won't die like this, stop being an idiot.”

“How can you know?”

“Well, because I just know.”

Not every day was easy and, honestly, coming to Mexico was the acid test for many things in my life. Interestingly, I never thought about giving up Horacio, and if I was honest with myself, I also thought that one day I would die from a gunshot or something that would make newspaper headlines. He would never admit it, and neither would I, because it seemed inconceivable, but having that life made us feel grateful and, most of all, lucky.

It was also at this time that I decided to get back in touch with you. He made a promise that if he was cured of cancer, he would include forgiveness for his own past, so we started slowly. I met Juliana (and the three children she had), and I started visiting our father almost religiously every year. We went back to Texas to see Javi, and sometimes we went to Miami to visit Steve. Horacio had reservations about my country, but he could appreciate some things that I think you might like too.

Jorge, I know that our life could have been different and I, as an older sister, feel responsible for being able to give you some glimpses of life with a family up here that loves you, because I would like that too. Along with these letters, I also send tickets to the capital, for you and your husband, if you want to visit us. Horacio is a great tour guide and I, interestingly enough, learned to be a great hostess.

I apologize for having done all this so late. Well, apologies are never enough, but I feel that this phase of my life, the phase of gray hair and wrinkles on my face, terribly nicknamed 'better years', is the right time for the two of us to reconcile for someone who left us behind.

I miss what we didn't have. Even if you don't want to, which I understand, know that my life is only complete because I know that a part of me is also in you.

******

“Appealing to nostalgia?”

Horacio barely raised his head from where he was staring at a box full of old trinkets. Through the mess of the office, he went straight to the memories of Medellín, rooting around and reliving the years in the dust, and he seemed focused enough to barely pay attention to you.

You could say that the guests were already arriving, that he should take a shower soon to welcome them, but the scene seemed so peaceful that you were afraid to interrupt and decided to participate.

“You have that perfume again,” He murmured right when you touched a framed picture of him and Trujillo alongside other stuff. 

“Does that bother you?” You eyed him over your eyeglass lenses, to which he tsked and shook his head. 

“You’re also appealing to nostalgia.”

“Huh, I remember that was the first thing you noticed about me when we met.” 

Horacio then looked back at you and, seeing your mischievous smile, smiled back, leaning back on the chair to give you full attention. 

“You drove me crazy, that's what.”

“I didn't know that was the effect it had on you. In fact, I was sure you hated me.”

“Because I couldn't want you and I wanted you.”

You left the frame in the box and walked over to him, walking around the table to sit on his lap, which he gladly accepted. For a few moments, you stood there, motionless, staring at his face, not knowing exactly what to say, just… admiring him, the grays on his hair and the lazy grin splattered there. 

“What are you thinking?” He asked then, always eager to get inside your head. 

“I always imagine that we wouldn't be here if we didn't live what we lived there,” You pondered, a hand massaging the side of his neck. “And it's weird because people have lost so much. Do you think we deserve it?”

“Is this part of your reconciliation process?”

“Yeah, I guess. I've been thinking about some things... I'm writing you a letter, even.”

“But I'm not going anywhere.”

“I know,” You pecked his lips softly. “Who knows, maybe I can express it with words instead of hiding it on paper.”

Horacio stared at you for a bit, his brow furrowed and the mechanisms moving in his head. You thought it was strange.

“What?”

“I want to read you something.”

You got up so he could look for what he was finding, and when he did, he took a notebook out of a box, accompanied by yellowed sheets of paper.

“I wrote these things while we were in Colombia.”

“And what exactly is it?”

“In the beginning, it was a diary of missions and operations that we carried out. The day you arrived, I ended up writing 'perfume' instead of 'precision', which made me realize that the feeling wouldn't leave my head. I didn't stop thinking about you after that, so I started… I don't know, writing down things about you, what you did, what irritated me and what I liked.”

There was no way to react, more out of shock than offense at him having kept it in for so long. You imagined a Carrillo from the past, a thousand times more stubborn and stubborn, taking the time to write about a woman he couldn't stand. Maybe sitting alone at night in the office, cigarette in one hand and whiskey in the other, mumbling swear words while saying he liked something about you, disbelieving his own feelings.

Then he took that photo that Steve had taken, which he stole and caused temporary chaos with your colleagues. You, younger, tired but with a spark of life, an eagerness to do the right things. 

You watched him as he looked at the photo and felt a warm feeling in your heart that seemed more frequent since you started having more moments together.

When he started reading what he wanted, you could barely move.

“I don't know what this woman did to me and I try hard every day not to ruin everything because I think about her so much. The perfume drives me crazy, the defiant eyes impress me and, oh my, lately I've noticed how incredibly mind-blowing those jeans make her. I have no one to express these feelings to, perhaps because I can't say in words what I imagine when I think of her.”

“Today she told me to go fuck myself. I had to suppress my satisfying smile when I saw that fire in her eyes when she spat those words in my face, because I purposely provoked her into being angry with me, thinking I wanted a reason to get her away from me. In the end, I know that that exact reaction was what I wanted, that she will never give up because she is too stubborn to do so. She goes to the end. She is true to what she believes. I'm sure I'm in love.”

“If nothing were as it were, I would ask her to dinner. I would see her eyes light up in the candlelight, I would make all the romantic moves and show a side of me that no one knows. I want to see her confused, I want to surprise her, and then I want to kiss her, make love to her, and feel every inch of that sweaty skin beneath my fingers while I see her sigh with the pleasure I'm going to offer. I want her, I want her so much, and I feel bad for every kind of thought I might have about her.”

“I call these verses, then. Versos de Placer, in my mother tongue, one that she knows how to say and that is even more beautiful when it comes out of her mouth. Verses that I will never be able to recite out loud, not to her, but I will be able to remember as the spark of a good memory of the complicated days we spent hating ourselves because the world we are in is destroying us. Always her, and never anyone who isn't her or who even looks like her.”

“Always her and her perfume and her accent and her presence. Always.” 

******

No pressure tags:

@cheesybadgers

@thesandbeneathmytoes

@616wilsons

@nessamc

@thoroughlymodernminutia

@padbrookcottage

@seaweeden

[cute-bag-of-bones]

Can't Trust A Supe

Part 3: I'm Scared

Masterlist

Warnings: slight gore and mentions of death.

       Homelander's hands were behind his back as he just stared at me for an agonizing amount of time. His expression was unreadable. I wish I could muster the courage to just kill him. I should be better than this. Scared of such a pathetic man. My dad would be ashamed if he could see this. 

      "Can I h-help you?" I tried to sound confident but the stutter ruined any hope of that. He looked surprised like he just remembered something. 

       "Right I was thinking about it and you have hung on to that old dirty toy for so long. I figured you'd want a new one." He pulled a new Homelander plush from behind his back. He seemed so excited like a dog showing off a dead bunny to its owner. He handed it to me. It took all I had in me to keep my hand from shaking as I grabbed it. 

       "Wow um t-thank you."

       "You haven't seen the best part. Give it a squeeze." I looked down at the toy and pressed its belly. 

        -I'm Homelander, ready to fight some crime together?-  The real Homelander mouthed along with the doll as it spoke. He seemed very proud of the gift. "This little guy has 10 unique phrases. Pretty great right? Way cooler than your other one." 

      "Well I just l-" I had to pause to take a deep breath. "I just love it, thank you." I say plastering the most convincing fake smile I could manage. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I wanted to light this creepy thing on fire and throw it in the Hudson River. Why was he giving this to me? What's his game? I heard him begin to speak but he's interrupted by a father and son wanting an autograph. I take my opportunity and get up. More people gathered giving me the perfect out. I ran off, down a busy street. I was over a block away before I stopped running. The beady-eyed plush stared at me as I tried to catch my breath. Grabbing it by both arms I pull as hard as I can. I hear stitches pop as it's back tears. 

      -Hey friend wanna pl- the voice box fell on the ground and I stomped  it until finally it stopped making noise. I finish the job by ripping the toy in half and discarding it in the nearest dumpster. I had the major creeps. I knew there was only one safe place I could go.

      When I knocked on the hideout door no one answered. I continued to bang getting almost frantic. I felt like Homelander was breathing down my neck. Finally Hughie opened the large door. I shoved my way past his lanky body and straight to Billy's normal spot. He wasn't there. Hughie followed me on my mission for Billy

           "You looking for Butcher?" He asked figuring out what I wanted. I was so wrapped up in looking for Billy I had almost fully toned him out. I knew I looked crazy but I was scared and Billy was the only one I knew would be able to help me. I'm not sure how but I knew he would. I turn around and bump into a worried Hughie. He always walked so close behind people. 

       "Yes yes where is he? I need him." 

       "He's not here. Him and the others went to get something. M.M. said they would be a day's drive away. Why what's wrong? Why are you sweating so much?" He asked as he tried to wrangle me. 

        "Fuck! Fuck!" 

        "Stop it, come on, calm down. What's going on? Can I help?" He was so earnest. I finally sat down and looked up at him. He gave me a sweet smile and sat down with me. 

         "I'm scared." It felt wrong to say. The words themselves felt dirty and shameful. He gave me a confused look.

       "They are gonna be okay, it's an easy run."

       "Not scared for them. I'm scared for myself. It's Homelander." Hughie's expression changed, it became more serious. "He stopped me from getting mugged last night and he saw this." I say as I pull the old plush from my bag. 

       "Is that a Homelander plushie?"

       "My mom gave it to me. He saw it and maybe he recognized it. I don't know but he found me in the park and gave me a new one." I was speaking so fast I almost couldn't understand myself. Hughie seemed to get it all. He was nodding along. 

        "Why would you keep that thing? He killed your family." Hughie asked, looking at the toy like it might come to life and strangle him. It was a valid question I guess. I wasn't sure myself. It was just when I looked at it I didn't see him. I saw my mom.

        "That's not the point! Focus. I think he knows who I am. I look like my mom but I didn't think it was so obvious. That must be it. He's messing with me. He's gonna kill me." Tears started to fall down my cheeks, a warm reminder how much of a pathetic coward I was. 

      "But the other day, you said you didn't care if he killed you. You were fine going out in a blaze of glory, what happened?" 

        "I was wrong, it's different! It's all different when he's in front of you. I don't wanna die Hughie." He pulled me into a tight hug. "I don't wanna die Hughie!" I cried louder as he softly shushed me. 

        "You're not going to die. No one's going to hurt you." I knew logically there was nothing Hughie could do to help but somehow just hearing someone tell me it would be alright helped. I didn't get a lot of stuff like this once my parents died. "We can call Butcher and see what he thinks. Would that help?" He pulled away from the hug to look down at me. I took the opportunity to pull away myself.

       "Um yeah yeah maybe."

       "Okay I'll try and get a hold of someone and see if he can give you some advice or something." I nodded and he pulled out his phone and started to pace around the room. 

        The helplessness and fear I felt was indescribable. Sat here hiding, I couldn't get the thought out of my head. 

        "No one's answering." He sounded frustrated. I knew it was because he knew there was nothing he could do to make this stop. He was feeling helpless as well. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me. 

       "Don't worry about it. Nothing he could do from there anyway. Just sit down, you'll put a hole in the floor pacing like that." And just like that the mask was back on. I dried my tears with the back of my hand. He came over quickly and sat back down. 

      "Maybe you and I cou-"

      "No, whatever your plan is, it's a no. I'm just going to have to see if he comes. That's all I can do. There is no preparation, no shelter in place, no getting reinforcements. I'm just going to have to wait and see. Who knows I could be reading too far into this. I could be overreacting." I stood up and packed my bag back up. He frowned at me.

       "Just go lay down in the back, I'm going to keep trying their cells." He said as he pressed the phone back to his ear. 

        "Nah it's getting dark enough. The shelter will let me back in. If I'm in a crowded all girl shelter there isn't much he can do to me. His reputation is more important than revenge." Hughie couldn't argue with the reasoning. After some reassurance he let me leave. 

        The walk to the shelter was a painful experience. Every shadow over head was him. Every voice was his. Every face I saw was his. I resorted to using my abilities just so I didn't have to see faces. It's true what they say we are all the same on the inside. I had to pull myself together. I wasn't going to let him rip my life apart again. 

        Muscular system after muscular system passed me as I walked. There was something calming about it, seeing people as nothing more than the parts that make us up gives you an odd perspective. It makes you feel small, insignificant in the best kind of way. 7.9 billion bags of flesh holding muscles, blood and bones, all walking around at once. All looking nearly indistinguishable from one another. Small, insignificant, unnoticeable that's all I want to be right now. 

         Things were normal at the shelter. Girls arguing with supervisors, others sleeping and some crying. I crawled up on my bunk and took out my Homelander plush before laying down with it like I did every night but tonight I was thankful it didn't have a voice box. I drifted to sleep plagued with nightmares of his eyes. 

      Sometime later I heard breathing close by and at first assumed it was my bunkmate. Warm air brushed against my face. They were much closer than they should be. I open my eyes and realize I'm faced to face with the expressionless face of Homelander. I let out a yelp and moved my head away. He looked so calm. I still had to be asleep. This has to be another nightmare. I didn't dare speak. He gave me a soft smile.

        "Sorry I had to wake you, could you come outside with me?" He asked so kindly, it made me feel sick. I shook my head no still not finding my voice. The more awake I became the more I realized this was actually happening. I was as good as dead if I left this crowded room of sleeping girls. "Please? I think Liz would want you to come with me. Right Lizzy?" He said as he motioned for me to look down at my bunkmate. I looked between the space between my bed and wall and saw Liz sleeping soundly with a red gloved hand around her throat. He wasn't choking her yet but I had no doubt that's where this would go if I didn't come along. 

       "Okay okay." I say as softly and calmly as I could not wanting to give him any reason. Liz was a mother, she had never hurt anyone in her life. I couldn't let her die for nothing like this. It was now or never. I needed to get him out of this building and take my shot hopefully before he can kill me. I slowly climb the ladder down. My plush still in my hand. At the moment I didn't even realize I still had it. I was just trying to go as fast as I could without shaking the bed. As soon as my feet touched the ground he put his hand on my back to guide me outside to my certain death. 

       Adrenaline pumped through my veins as we walked. All of a sudden I could see bodies through the walls. Every single one of them in this building glowed to me like a fleshy X-rays. It was so disorienting I stumbled over the threshold of the door leading to the outside. I felt like I was going to float away if not for the firm hand on my back. I turned to face him. He too was just as see through as the others. How humanizing, staring up at his skinless face he looked just like all the others. 

      He was speaking to me. I could see his eyebrows furrow like he was mad or confused. I couldn't hear him through all I could hear was my own heartbeat. This was it, all in one shot I tried to pull his spine from his back. He hunched his shoulders a little and I definitely saw the bones move but for the most part his spine didn't budge. Panicking, I tried to rip his brain stem but it was like it was too tough to tear. Supe's are stronger than humans on average but I figured he'd be like translucent, hard on the outside but soft and squishy on the inside. I couldn't be more wrong. His hand grabbed my throat and pulled me close. I dropped the toy and tried to claw at his arm desperately. My nails bend when I rake them over his arm. I was sure a few were pulled off my fingers all together.

        "What are you doing?" He growled. I wasn't sure if he meant too but he was holding me too tight. My ability's vision started to fade and I saw him clear as day. His eyes were glowing red. I wanted to cry but I didn't want that to be my last act on this earth. "Are you going to behave?" He said as his eyes stopped glowing. I wasn't sure what he meant. I couldn't understand why I wasn't dead yet. I tried to gulp but his hand was so tight it stopped me from swallowing. "Well, are you?" He actually wanted me to answer? I tried to nod the best I could and his grip loosened. I took a deep breath and tried to pull away from him.

         "No, I don't think so." He says with almost an air of humor like he thought it was so funny I was trying to get free from his grasp. He put an arm around my back and lifted us into the sky. I continued to try and free myself much to his amusement. One second ago he was trying to kill me and the next he was laughing. He's crazier than I thought. We flew up so high I started to feel cold. The lights below blurred. The air was so thin up here but he seemed to be breathing fine. He looked down at me as I struggled for air. He has a slight smirk on his face as my actual vision starts to fade now. 

        "Shush, it's alright." He cooed over me. I fought it as long as I could. I didn't want his voice to be the last thing I heard. I tried to scream but nothing came out. Just like that all my air was gone and I was done for.

        I thought I had died. I had accepted it. I wasn't sure how much time had passed but my head was killing me. Wherever I was it was dark. Too dark to see. What if I did die? Could this be the afterlife? Just darkness. Maybe it was hell.

       "Mom, mommy?" I call out in a horst voice. I wait for a second and don't hear anything. There was a creaking sound and a door opened filling the room with light and blinding me. A caped figure stood in the doorway. 

         "Nope I'm not your mommy." He sounded almost soft and mocking all at once. It was worse than hell I was with Homelander. 

[obanais-koibito]

Kamaboko Squad x Popular GN!Reader Part 1

This is part 1 of a school AU where the reader (Gender Neutral) is one of the most popular teens at high school and the Kamaboko Squad are just regular teenagers.

P.S. I am still attempting to figure out how to use colors and fonts to make the post a little more fancy so I apologize for the inconvenience.

Genya

Many students had crushes on you and Genya was one of them, although he never initiated a conversation with you since he thought you couldn’t like him since you get many confessions on a daily basis.  The bell had just rung so many people were rushing through the crowded hallways to go home. You were heading to the locker rooms to change for (favorite sport) practice but you weren’t paying attention because you were looking at your phone when all of a sudden someone slammed into you which caused you to fall to the ground.

Genya: Oh I’m so…

His words drifted off as soon as he realized exactly who he bumped into. You rubbed your head and let out a slight groan.

Y/n: Hey, it’s okay it was just an accident.

He didn’t know what to do at this point. I mean, the poor boy just bumped into his crush and possibly hurt them, he didn’t know if he should help them up or walk away. 

Y/n: Uh are you okay? You’re just staring at me…did I do something wrong?

He snapped back to reality and realized that he indeed was staring at you, saying nothing. He frantically grabbed you by the arm and helped you up while muttering multiple apologies.

Genya: I’m so so sorry Y/n, I didn’t mean to bump into you. Are you hurt?

Y/n: Oh no I’m not hurt, thank you though.

You started brushing your uniform off before looking back up to Genya who still had his hand on your arm while his face was red all over. 

Y/n: Hey I’ve seen you around before…what did you say your name was?

Genya: I- am u-uhm…i-it’s Genya Shinazugawa…

You gave him a smile which only deepened his blush. Your phone then buzzed and you looked at it and saw a text from one of your friends from practice asking where were you.

Y/n: We'll have to go, I’m late for practice and I need to fit in as much practice before the game tomorrow.

Genya: Oh right, your on the (favorite sport) team right?

You nodded.

Genya: W-well, I was actually going to that game tomorrow so I wish you luck…

Y/n: Aww thank you! I’ll see you then!

With that said, you two went your separate ways with you heading to the locker rooms and Genya rushing to his not so happy brother with blood dripping from his nose.

Tanjiro

Tanjiro just transferred to your school along with Nezuko, another student was showing them around when they bumped into you. 

Random Student: O-oh my gosh! We’re so sorry Y/n! P-please forgive us, we didn’t mean to bump into you!

Y/n: Heh, it’s fine, it was just an accident. Oh, I don’t recognize you two, are you guys new here?

Nezuko: Yea! I’m Nezuko Kamado and this is my onii-chan!

You turned to Tanjiro who was blushing as his eyes met yours, you waited for him to introduce himself but no words came out of his mouth. The situation was getting awkward so Nezuko nudged him 

which made Tanjiro snap back to reality.

Tanjiro: H-huh? Oh I-um am T-tanjiro and y-you are?

Before you had the chance to speak, the student that was showing the Kamado around spoke for you.

Random Student: This is Y/n L/n! The most popular, athletic, and smartest student!

Y/n: Wow, I don’t know about all that but yes I am Y/n. Anyways, I have to get to class, nice to meet y’all!

Nezuko: Bye Y/n!

Tanjiro: B-bye…

Random Student: BYE Y/N!

Nezuko could easily tell something was not right with Tanjiro.

Nezuko: Uhm, onii-chan? Is something wrong?

The student looked at Tanjiro’s abnormally red face and immediately knew what was going on.

Random Student: He fell in love with Y/n, everyone falls in love with them. Not only are they the best student, they are also the most attractive student! I can’t name a single person here who doesn’t have a crush on them.

Tanjiro: W-what? I just met them, how can I be in…love?

Nezuko smirked at Tanjiro, she’s gonna be teasing him for a while…

Zenitsu

It was the first year of high school and there were lots of new faces around. Although the year just started recently, you were gaining a lot of attention and before you knew it, most of the students had fallen for your charming personality, academic excellence, and athleticism. Many of the students tried to gain your attention and affection by initiating conversations with you. You were in history class when the teacher assigned you a partner essay. 

Teacher: Alright class, I am assigning you an essay about the Abolitionist Movement and I will be choosing partners for this assignment.

Students started whispering to others about how they hope to be your partner.

Random student: Oh my gosh I hope I can be with Y/n-

Another Student: No I’m gonna be with them watch…

The teacher started listing off partners which earned some groans from some of the students since they were disappointed that they were not your partner.

Teacher: And the final pairing will be Y/n and Zenitsu, should have 26 minutes left to begin.

Zenitsu: HI Y/N! I’M ZENITSU, YOUR PARTNER! HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

Y/n: Yea, I recognize your bright hair haha, but can you lower your volume a bit?

Zenitsu: Oh I’m so sorry Y/n! But you remember me?! That’s so sweet of you!

The other students were envious of Zenitsu’s luck, a couple of them either scoffed or rolled their eyes before beginning their work.

Y/n: Mhm, but we should start working on the project but since we have limited time, do you wanna come over to my house to work on it?

Zenitsu: Really?! I’d be honored to go to your house Y/n!

The bell rang and everyone started packing their things to head home for the day. Zenitsu skipped next to you with the widest grin imprinted on his face. You led him to your house and unlocked the door and the two of you went inside.

Inosuke

Your class was in P.E and the teacher was choosing the team captains for dodgeball.

Teacher: Alright guys, the team captains are Inosuke and (random student), whoever wins rock, paper, scissors will get first pick.

Inosuke: ALRIGHT WEAKLING, LETS SEE IF YOU ARE ABLE TO BEAT THE LORD INOSUKE HASHBIRA!

Random Student: Oh my god you don’t shut up do you?

The rest of the class watched in amusement as the two bickered until the teacher had enough.

Teacher: For god’s sake, JUST PLAY THE GAME AND CHOOSE YOUR TEAM!

Inosuke: FINE! LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH SO I CAN PICK THE UNDERLINGS I WANT WORKING FOR ME!

Some of the students looked at each other with confusion written all over their faces. You understand Inosukes different ways and even though they were odd, you never treated him differently from the rest. The two started doing best out of 3 and even though Inosuke didn’t entirely understand the game, he still managed to win.

Inosuke: HAHAHAHA! I TOLD YOU CAN’T BEAT THE GREAT LORD INOSUKE! I CHOOSE YOU (Mispronounced name)! 

The student that lost the game glared at Inosuke because they thought it was rude of him to mispronounce your name. You got off the bench and walked towards Inosuke, and then they continued to pick their teammates and before the dodgeball match began, Inosuke gave what he thought was an inspiring speech.

Inosuke: ALRIGHT MY UNDERLINGS, IF WE LOSE THIS MATCH, THEN YOU ARE THE ONES TO BLAME! IF YOU GET OUT THEN YOU ARE USELESS AND DON’T DESERVE TO BE MY UNDERLING, UNDERSTOOD?

Most of the kids rolled their eyes or face palmed before coming towards you.

Another random student: Yea uhm, we are going to listen to Y/n instead since they are really athletic.

The other students nodded or muttered yea’s while Inosuke looked at you and stomped right over.

Inosuke: So you’re the one that everyone bows down to huh? Well then, I am the Lord Inosuke and you are?

Y/n: Uh Y/n…why?

Inosuke: You’re not a lord or god? WHY THE HELL DOES EVERYONE RESPECT YOU SO MUCH?!

Another random student: Because everyone likes them.

Before anyone could say another word, the teacher blew the whistle and the game began.

[dreamcatchers-husband]

Holiday Season

Male reader X Billlie Tsuki

Length: 6600 Words

Tags: Creampie, Breeding

A/n- Happy thanksgiving. Not my best work but i hope you don't mind it. Tsuki is beautiful and should get more love. Gonna try to put out another fic next week so wish me luck.

Holidays. Some are recognized throughout the entire world while others are specific to just certain countries. Thanksgiving was a time for family and being grateful for what you have but you honestly didn’t have anything. 

The death of your mother and father was sudden but it affected you deeply. They were the only source of comfort you had in life. Once they were gone, you honestly didn’t feel like you belonged anywhere. A few months went by as you made a giant change in your life. You decided to move to your parent's home country of South Korea to get back in touch with your heritage.

One of the few things left for you was the old home your father grew up in. With a little bit of work, it soon became the place of your dreams, the place to start all over again. That brings you back to today, thanksgiving day. 

South Korea didn’t celebrate thanksgiving but they had their version called Chuseok. Sure it wasn’t the same but people understood that they could be seen as a bit similar. With the company you worked at knowing you’re American, they decided to let you have the day off to celebrate the day. 

Taking advantage of the day off, you decided to catch up on some sleep. You weren’t sure what time it was but the sudden sound of a lawnmower woke you up from your deep slumber. Stretching your limbs, you reached out for your phone and picked it up. 

Looking at the time, you saw it was already 2 in the afternoon. Getting up from bed, your legs brought you over to the bathroom. In a matter of seconds, your clothes are off and you are in the shower. Turning the nozzle, the water begins to shoot out from the shower head. The sudden rush of cold water quickly woke you up as you began your shower. 

A few minutes passed as your daily routine came to an end. Walking out of your bathroom you made your way over to your dresser and pulled out some clothes for the day. Once your shirt and sweatpants were on, you threw yourself back on top of your bed and turned on the tv. 

The latest drama trending in the country happened to be doing a rerun. Guess it’s your chance to catch up on what you have been missing. Hours seem to go by as you begin to feel a growl come from your stomach. Knowing it was time to eat, you jumped off your bed and began to walk to your kitchen. 

The walk to your fridge was quick but you were hit with a sense of disappointment looking at the empty refrigerator. The sadness you felt was gone as you heard a sudden squeak from your backyard. Recognizing it as your backdoor gate, you went to your sliding door and looked into your backyard. 

Just like your empty fridge, you were met with a surprise except this was a big one. In your backyard stood some of the members of Billie, dressed in hanbok taking pictures. That’s right, the rookie K-pop group Billie is in your backyard. You never did specify what your job was. Every day you woke up early to be one of the managers of the group. 

As you open your sliding door, your eyes couldn’t pry away from a certain girl twirling around in her hanbok. Despite it being one of her few times wearing one, Tsuki just amazed you with how beautiful she was in the hanbok. As the girls continued to spin around, one of them finally saw you and waved at you. 

“Oppa. Happy Thanksgiving.”

“Well thank you Suhyeon. Not that it’s bad to see you guys but what are you doing at my house? Better yet, how did you even know where I live?” 

“You pointed at the house once before Oppa. And we may have asked a few people to just look it up on the company computers.” 

“Well, that’s a bit of a security concern. Either way, I’m still wondering what you are doing here?”

“Well, it’s Thanksgiving! We figured you probably were just gonna stay home all day so we came to celebrate with you.” 

“Don’t you girls have schedules?” I could have sworn you guys had things to do.” 

All the girls then giggled a bit as they got closer, Sua stood in front of you and began to speak. 

“Yeah, we actually didn’t have anything to do today. We just made it look like we had things scheduled today to surprise you.” 

Hearing that made your whole body fill with joy. You honestly didn’t expect them to be here but your friends were here. Before you could get another word out you felt a pair of arms wrap around your body. Your nostrils were filled with the smell of flowers suddenly, letting you know who just hugged you.

“Happy thanksgiving Oppa. I hope today is a great day for you.” 

“Thank you, Tsuki. Should we head inside guys? It’s a little cold out here right now.” 

With a nod, all the girls followed you inside as the group sat down in your living room. 

“So where is the maknae line?” 

“They are at school. It’s not a holiday in this country so they couldn’t get the day off sadly. They send their best.” 

“Well, I’m glad they are at school. This really shouldn’t be a big thing.” 

Saying those words seemed to anger the girls a bit as Sheon spoke up. 

“Well too bad. All you need to do is shit here while we prepare everything.” 

“Prepare what?” 

You didn’t get a response as all the girls stood up from their seats and went to the front door. Following behind, you saw the girls getting handed containers from a delivery driver. As their hands got full, you ran over to take a few of the remaining things and said thank you to the driver. With a kick, the door closed as you ran to the kitchen with the hot aluminum containers. 

Once in your basic kitchen, you set down the full containers on your table and looked around. The familiar sight of your girls joking around blessed your eyes. As they opened the containers massive amounts of steam poured out of them. All around, you could see platters of typical thanksgiving food sitting in your kitchen. 

The aroma of the Mac and cheese, the stuffing, and the green bean casserole hit your nose. Despite all those great foods, the strongest smell came from the remaining container that was covered. Once the aluminum lid was removed, your entire kitchen was filled with the scent of oven-roasted Turkey. Your mouth began to water as your eyes sparkled at the golden brown skin of the bird. 

“We honestly weren’t sure what classified as thanksgiving food so we checked on Naver. Once we saw what types of food were needed, we managed to find a local company in Seoul that prepares dinners for Americans here in South Korea.” 

Hearing from Haram the efforts they went to get you this food made you tear up. As a few small tears fell down your cheek, the sudden warm feeling of an embrace caught your attention. Looking down, you saw all of the girls hugging you. The small tears in their own eyes were apparent as the sound of sniffling filled the room. 

You aren’t quite sure how much time passed as the giant group hug finally ends. Cleansing the tears from your eyes you smile at the girls and finally speak up. 

“Ok Suhyeon, you can grab the plates. Sheon, grab the ladles for the mashed potatoes and such. Sua, make sure to get plenty of utensils for everyone. Tsuki and I will cut up some of the turkey.” 

Once the Game plan was told, everyone went to do what they were told to do. Pulling out the biggest knife at your disposal, you made your way over to the turkey. As the rest of the girls began to put small portions of the various sides on their plates, Tsuki took hold of a pair of Tongs and held the piece of turkey you needed to cut. 

One by one, each of the ladies came up to take a piece of the bird and sat down at the dining room table. All that was left was Tsuki as well as your plate. 

“What do you want on your plate, Oppa?” 

“Well, I’m a big guy so I want a little of everything. But you have already done enough. Let me serve both you and myself.” 

Before Tsuki could argue, your hands went towards each of the spoons and ladles. First, the mashed potatoes were put on each plate and topped off with some gravy. Many of the dishes you mentioned earlier begin to fill up your plate. The sight was similar to an avalanche as the food moved all around your plate. 

Finally arriving at the turkey, you stretched out your hand to grab the knife but felt a sudden slap on it, stopping you. 

“I will serve you this at least. You are the guest at this dinner.” 

“But it’s my house?” 

“Sush Oppa. Now what piece of the turkey do you want?” 

The glare that came from the girl’s eyes let you know she was serious. 

“I’ll take a turkey leg then.” 

With a nod, Tsuki took the knife and cut the turkey leg off the bird. As Tsuki put it at the top of your plate, you found yourself playing a balancing game with all the things on your plate. Once Tsuki cut a small piece of the turkey Breast off, you both ran to the dining room table. 

Laugher could be heard from the rest of the girls as they saw Tsuki as well as you juggling the mountain of food. Placing down your plate, the two of you took your seats and looked around the table. Seeing a few glasses of soda on the table, you knew everything was all set to start eating. 

“Well. I am starving so let’s all dig in!” 

With cheers, everyone grabbed a fork and started to eat. Some of these foods were things they had never tried before but the new flavors seemed to be great as their eyes got wide as saucers. 

“This casserole is delicious.”

“Oh god, the stuffing is amazing. I could eat a whole plate of just this.” 

“Well, I’m glad you guys enjoy this meal. I guess I should say welcome to your first thanksgiving. I wish you would have brought a change of clothes though.” 

“Oh don’t worry we did. Plus We have worked in hanbok plenty of times where it’s not uncomfortable.”

“Oh well, I’m glad you are ok with the Hanbok, Sheon. I’ll assume it's the same for the other girls as well.” 

“Well I’m still getting used to this but it’s not a pain.” 

“Well, I thank you for wearing it, Tsuki.” 

As the rest of dinner continued, you began to notice Tsuki would keep taking glances at you and smiling. You couldn’t help but smile back at the girl. Despite you all eating, you saw Tsuki was also a bit more quiet than usual. 

Once everyone’s plates were empty you clapped your hands to get everyone’s attention.

“Now for a thanksgiving tradition, we are going to go around the table and share things we are thankful for. Who would like to go first?” 

With much enthusiasm, Sheon brought her hand up to start things off. With a quick nod, Sheon began to talk. 

“Now we all have things we are thankful for but what I am the most thankful for are my mom and dad. They have given me support at times when I needed it.”

“I’m glad your parents have helped. I’m sure we all have that one person and people who helped us when we needed it. Who else would like to go?” 

Suhyeon at that time raised her hand and spoke up. 

“I am thankful for our dear Belllie’ve. No matter what, they are always there ready to cheer us up. The support we get from them always helps me to keep going in this industry.” 

“That's great Suhyeon. Your fans are amazing. Haram? Would you like to go next?” 

“Well it might sound a little dumb but I’m thankful for the company for taking a chance on us debuting.” 

“The company would have been stupid for not taking a chance on any of you. The talent you guys have shown this past year just helps cement you all as the rookies to keep an eye on. Now, who is next then?” 

Sua raised her hand and spoke up. 

“I am thankful for my brother. With the advice, he gives me I am certain I will be able to make a bigger impact in the K-pop industry.” 

“I’m glad he gives you advice. You have already established yourself as one of the best K-pop rappers of the fourth generation. I’m sure your impact will be massive for years to come. I guess this leaves Tsuki last. What are you thankful for, bunny princess?” 

A slight blush appeared on Tsuki’s cheeks as she picked up her fork and ate a bit more of her food. Assuming she wanted a bit more time to think, you decided to speak up yourself. 

“Well, I am thankful for all of you girls. All of you welcomed me with open arms when I became your manager. I honestly wasn’t expecting you to all be so kind to me and it was what I needed after such a big change in my life.”

“You are family Oppa. At times when the schedules can get crazy, you are always there with snacks and water and such. Other managers, we had as trainees didn’t care as much as you do. I’m sure I speak for everyone here that we are thankful for you as well.” 

Hearing those words from Haram made you happy.

Smiles were all around as you all looked at each other. Finally, it was Tsuki’s turn as you all faced her to listen to her response. You couldn’t help but notice the blush still on her face. 

“I-I’m thankful for……”

The red shade on her cheeks began to spread to her entire face. Tsuki continued to repeat those three words, not being able to get to the next. Just as you were about to say something you heard a cough from the right side of the table. Looking in that direction, you saw it was Sua getting everyone’s attention. 

“Um, let's just get some dessert. There is an apple pie already cut up. Everyone can go sit down in the living room and set up a movie to watch. Tsuki and I will get the pieces of pie for everyone!.” 

Everyone around the table suddenly stood up and began to move around. Following their example, you followed the other girls to the living room and sat down on the couch. You didn’t even get to choose the movie as Suhyeon grabbed the remote and decided on watching home alone. You wanted to argue why this movie was even on some platforms already but the thought of it being thanksgiving only for a few people in the country came to your mind.

As the sound of footsteps brought you out of your mind. Looking in that direction you saw Tsuki as well as Moon Sua walking over in normal clothes as well as having several plates in hand. Handing out plates to each person, you were the last person waiting for his dessert. Tsuki at that time came over and handed you your plate of pie. 

As soon as the plate was on your hand, Tsuki took a seat right next to you. 

“Oppa we are gonna go change. Feel free to start the movie and eat your pie.” 

Soon the living room was occupied by only you as well as the other two girls. Taking a bite of your pie, you could almost cry at how delicious it was. Sua shrieked at how tasty the Apple pie was. Somehow the rest of the Billlie came out in their change of clothes already and got comfortable. 

As the movie played, everyone continued to enjoy this thanksgiving. As you got another bite of pie on your fork, you raised it to take a bite but felt a tap on your shoulder. Looking for the source, you saw it was Tsuki as she kept her mouth wide open for a bite of the food. As you fed her the bite of pie, her wife shot open as she jumped up and down. Seeing how happy Tsuki was from just a bite of sweets made you happy. 

As you all continued to watch the movie, Tsuki seemed to get closer and closer to your arm. Eventually, you felt a head lie down on your shoulder. Small giggles filled your living room as you saw all the other girls looking at you and Tsuki. 

Rolling your eyes, you just look forward to the tv screen and continue to watch the movie. As you fed Tsuki some more of your pie, the girls continued to make whistling sounds towards the two of you. As more time passed, the more comfortable Tsuki got laying on you. The small glances you took at her continued to fill your face with a smile. 

The constant motion from your face must have had some effect on you as your throat began to feel parched. You didn’t want to move but that familiar feeling of thirst was getting to you. Reluctantly, you tapped on Tsuki’s forehead which helped remove her head from your arm. 

“I’m gonna go get a drink. Does anyone want anything?” 

Everyone but Tsuki shook their heads no. 

“Can I get a hot chocolate!?” 

The hyper girl nearly jumped out of her seat as she mentioned the drink. She's really girlfri-. No, you shouldn’t think something like that. 

“Yeah Tsuki. I’ll make us both one.” 

As your feet carried you to your kitchen, your ears picked up giggles and whispers coming from the girl's direction. They did seem to talk to themselves a lot tonight. As you walked around your dirty kitchen, your hand managed to reach the fridge door and open it. 

As your eyes wandered around the barren fridge, you finally saw the thing you were looking for. Pulling out the heavy plastic container, you placed it on the side and looked for some mugs. Thankfully next to your mugs were the hot chocolate packets so you didn’t need to search for them. Placing the items on the counter, reaching back up you got a large glass and placed it down on the counter as well.

Raising the milk jug, you emptied some of its contents and filled the large clear glass. Once filled, the glass returns to your hold as you click to open the microwave. Once open, you placed the glass in the device and closed its door. The repeated beeps and whirl sounds hit your ears as the cup began to spin in the machine. 

While that was going, you found yourself pouring the cocoa mix into the mugs as well as placing the milk gallon back in the fridge. With a bit of spare time, you took the moment to think back on girls. You were really glad they came but you kept wondering why they were all giggling so much today. As you continued to think about the girls, your mind went back to one specific lady. Tsuki was full of smiles and wanted to spend more time with you. 

The bunny was the girl you felt the closest to out of all the girls, but today she was a bit more touchy and feely than normal. You couldn’t complain though, you always had a crush on the young girl. The more time you spent with her, the more you fell for her. Your thoughts were interrupted by the beep of the microwave. 

Pushing the button, the steam coming from the microwave hits your face. Flinching a bit, you waited a few seconds until the glass cooled down. Wrapping your hand around it, you felt the heat from the glass hit your hand but it didn’t burn you. Pulling it out of the machine, you brought the cup above your mugs and began to pour. 

Each mug got filled to the top with warm milk. Using a spoon you had ready, you combined the contents in both mugs until they were perfectly mixed. Once hot chocolate was ready, you grabbed each handle of the mugs and made your way back to the girls.

As you entered the living room, your eyes immediately picked up on the lack of people in it. The only two people here were Tsuki and yourself.

“Wait, where is everyone?”  

“They actually had something to do so they had to head out but I was free so I decided to stay to keep you company for a bit more.” 

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that. All of you already did so much today. I don't want to be a bother to you.” 

“YOU AREN’T A BOTHER!” 

You jumped a bit at how aggressively Tsuki yelled that but you just put it as her being hyper like normal. Taking a seat next to Tsuki, you smiled at her and spoke again. 

“Well, I’m very thankful for you staying. Here is your hot chocolate also.” 

Handing the glass to the young girl, Tsuki began to drink the beverage at a rapid speed. It was surprising as the hot chocolate was still hot, yet she didn’t seem to burn herself. 

“Wow, you must have been thirsty. I’m glad I didn’t make any drinks for the rest of the girls also. It would have been a waste. Also, I’m kinda sad Sua and the rest of the girls didn’t say bye to me.” 

“O-Oh. Don’t worry you will see them again tomorrow.” 

Looking at Tsuki, you saw a small twitch come from her eyebrow. Despite the smile on her face, you could tell Tsuki was hiding a bit of annoyance.

“Tsuki what’s wrong?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I’m not stupid. I can pick up on the hint of annoyance on your face.” 

The smile that was on the energetic girl’s face disappeared at that moment. 

“Oh, you can pick up on that but not anything else?” 

“What does that mean?” 

“WHY ARE YOU SO DENSE OPPA? CAN’T YOU TELL I LOVE YOU?” 

Those words shocked you at the moment. Was it really what you just heard?

“W-What?” 

“Oppa. I love you. Why haven’t you picked up on this?” 

“I just thought you were touchy with everyone. I mean look at how you act with the members.” 

“I mean yes, I’m very touchy with my members but how many men am I kissing on the cheek and hugging constantly?” 

Taking a look back, you finally noticed it really was only you Tsuki who did those things with. It’s been a while of her doing all those actions with you. 

“Tsuki. I have feelings for you too. How long have you been feeling like this?”

“M-Months. Do you really l-like me too?” 

“Yeah Tsuki. I just thought it was me crushing on you. I guess I really was oblivious.” 

“Yeah, you were. Even the girls could tell. That’s why they even left a bit ago. They wanted me to finally confess to you.” 

“And I’m guessing bringing up other girls would be annoying. I’m sorry Tsuki.” 

You didn’t even get a response as Tsuki wrapped her arms around you. Her tiny frame somehow packed a lot of love. Each second that passed, The more you were taking in small things about her. Her long hair, the scent of roses that came from her body, the softness of the skin on her arms. Despite enjoying the embrace you received from Tsuki, the young girl began to pull away from the hug a bit. 

As Tsuki’s face appeared in front of your face, the smile from earlier filled her face. At that moment your eyes met with Tsuki’s. Those large brown irises of hers mesmerized you with each second that passed. As you continued to look at Tsuki’s eyes, you noticed they seemed to be getting closer and closer until you felt a sensation on your lips. 

Recognizing it as a kiss, you closed your eyes and put your hands on her cheeks. The small kiss quickly became more as your tongue tried to push its way into Tsuki’s mouth. At first, your tongue was met with the bunny’s teeth but as Tsuki felt you trying to get access to her mouth she opened a bit to let you in. 

Once in, your tongue began to fight with Tsuki’s as you fought for dominance. The young girl quickly surrendered as your tongue moved around in her mouth as you wanted. Picking up the subtle taste of chocolate from her mouth somehow made you hungry for more of her. 

Laying Tsuki down on her back, your tongue continued to move around her mouth until you needed to surface for air. Looking down at Tsuki, you could see a smirk appear on the girl's face as she yanked you back down. The sudden aggressiveness from your friend surprised you but you weren’t against it at all. 

With your lips reattached to Tsuki’s, your hand began to move up and touch her leg. At that moment you could feel the soft skin of her thick thighs. As much fun as Kissing Tsuki was, your lips moved to her neck as you began to pepper it with kisses. As much as you wanted to mark the young Idol; you knew she had a photoshoot the next day and couldn’t risk it. 

Tsuki seemed to know this as you reached up and put your face into her hands. 

“Sorry, Oppa. No Marks on my neck but take this shirt off and you can mark up my breast.” 

That offer was one you couldn’t refuse as your hands reached down to her shirt. The light blue from the collar of her shirt went by in a flash as you removed it from her body. The sight of a white bra On Tsuki made your cock twitch from inside your pants. Raising her upper body, Tsuki unclipped her bra and took it off in a rush. 

“I felt that cock move. Hurry up and mark me so we can sleep together.” 

Lowering your face, you put your lips onto her erect nipple. Starting slowly, your mouth began to give the pink nipple small suck's as Tsuki’s mouth released small moans. Despite it being only a short time of you sucking her nipple, you had a different job to do on her breast. Releasing her pink nub from your mouth, you began to give her mound small kisses and licks. 

Soon you began to give her tit small sucks and bites to mark the young girl. Not much effort was needed as her pale skin quickly turned red from all of your sucks and bites. Usually, you were the type of person to savor your sexual experiences but this was just rushed, lust taking over the actions of the two of you. 

Moving to her left breast, you gave it many kisses as well as marked it as its twin. Moving down from her tit, you made your way down her stomach giving it kisses and small licks. Reaching the hem of her shorts, your hands went up and grabbed them from each corner. Pulling down the fabric, you see that you pulled down her panties with the shorts. The blessing of Tsuki’s wet folds was exposed to you, making you feel thirsty. 

Spread open her legs a bit more, you could see the juices leaking out of her snatch. Your body just reacted on its own as your digits spread her lips. A small gasp left her mouth as she looked at you. Impatience got the best of you as your index finger pushed its way into her pussy. The resistance you met was quickly gone as you pulled it back and pushed your finger back in. 

The movements were still a bit slow but once you pushed another finger in, your speed picked up. The sound of her wet pussy got you harder and your body craved her even more. The fluids that leaked from Tsuki went down your arm a bit. Finally giving in to your thirst, your head went down to her folds and began to lick it. 

The moans from before continued as you began to give Tsuki stimulus from both your fingers and mouth. The movement from your fingers helped expose a small but that was down in her private parts. Recognizing what you were seeing, your tongue quickly began to flick her clit, causing her to jump all around. You weren’t doing much but the young girl was squirming all around from your tongue and mouth. 

The smell of lavender filled your nose as you continued to eat her pussy. Soon the girl's movements became errant as she began to pant more and more from your actions. 

“Oppa, fuck that’s so good. Keep eating my pussy, please. Quench your thirst with my juices.” 

Those words were music to your ears as you improved your efforts to make her cum. Your speed increased with each second that passed, indulging in her tastes. As you reached the best of your efforts, Tsuki finally started to yell profanities all around. A sudden rush of fluids hit your face as you drank as much of her juices as possible. You nearly drowned from how much of her fluids shot out of her pussy. 

Pulling your face back a bit, you began to lick the remaining liquid off of her thick thighs until there was nothing left. Pulling back from her legs, you finally get a chance to breathe and see your handy work. The Japanese idol was panting for air after that orgasm. The smile that was all over Tsuki’s face made you happy. Despite seeing the innocent expression on her face, your dick just continued to twitch in your pants. 

The smile on Tsuki’s face turned into a smirk as you began to grind yourself on her leg. 

“Thank you for that. Now stop your teasing and pull that cock out.” 

You didn’t need to be told twice as your hands undid your belt and pulled your pants down. Standing back up, you removed the pants from around your legs and pulled your shirt off. The sudden wet sensation was felt on your chest as Tsuki began to kiss you there. Moving down, the young idol began to reach closer and closer till you felt a small kiss on your tip. 

Goosebumps went all over your body as you felt a small warm hand wrap around your shaft. Nothing needed to be said as Tsuki began to stroke your dick. Such a basic action from Tsuki felt amazing. Maybe it was the thought that an adorable girl was doing such a nasty thing with you but it didn’t matter. After a few more strokes from the idol, you heard a little gasp leave her mouth. 

“Wow, Oppa. You’re already leaking. Is this for me?”

Starting from your balls, Tsuki began to give them a few small sucks to get as much of your Precum out. From your balls, Tsuki brought her tongue to your shaft, moving up and down, teasing you. Just as you were about to say something, a tight sensation surrounded the head of your length. As your tongue did earlier, Tsuki’s began to move all around your cock head. 

With a few small slurps, the girl began to savor as much of your precum as she could. With no warning, Tsuki shoved your length down her throat. You nearly exploded down her tunnel as Tsuki pulled her head back gasping for air. The young girl was always such a sweet girl, but right now she was acting like your common street whore. 

Bobbing her head, Tsuki continued to fill her mouth with your cock, not giving you a chance to breathe. Your hands seem to have moved on their own as you grabbed two handfuls of her hair and began to move more aggressively in her tunnel. With these handles, you moved your hips faster and faster till small tears came out of Tsuki’s eyes. 

Slowly your peak began to arrive as you tried to move as fast as possible. The keyword was tried as Tsuki pulled her head off of your length. You were disappointed but the brown-eyed girl had other plans. 

Getting on all fours, Tsuki looked back at you and shook her ass at you. 

“The only place your load gets to go is my pussy. So hurry and shove that thing in me.” 

Following the Girl’s instructions, you lined your length up with her folds and pushed your way into her cavern. Despite all you felt from Tsuki earlier, this restricting feeling from her walls was the best of all. Moving slowly, your length filled Tsuki to the brim as she gasped. 

Hitting the end of her walls, the small girl looked back at you and just smirked. 

“Stop being gentle and fuck my brains out.” 

You weren’t going to say no to that. Pulling back, your length began to enter and exit her pussy. The speed at which you fucked her continued to pick up as the girl began to copy your movements. When you pulled back, Tsuki pulled her hips as well. Once you pushed your length back in, the girl threw her ass down on top of your shaft. 

Putting your hands on her hips, you continued to fuck the young idol nonstop. Raising her upper body, Tsuki then got closer to your face. Puckering her lips, you reattached your lips to her giving her the affection she wanted. 

Despite the nasty activities you were doing with Tsuki, the small kisses you gave her made your heart flutter. You knew you weren’t gonna let this girl go anywhere but for now, you had to reach your own peak. Despite knowing you shouldn’t, your lips moved to Tsuki’s neck and began to kiss and suck on it. 

The young Idol seemed to want to stop you but the sensation was too much for her as she began to pant harder and harder with each kiss. The speed at which Tsuki matched your movements got messed up as the girl moved erratically. With your hands still on her hips, you stop her and fucked her at your pace. 

The rapid pace seemed to be enough as the girl began to yell. 

“O-Oppa I’m gonna cu-“ 

Her sentence didn’t even finish as the young woman shook all over. A rush of fluids hit your couch as well as your legs. The young girl nearly dropped dead from her orgasm. Holding her up with your strength, you let the young girl rest. Peppering her neck with more kisses you began to leave more marks, showing she is now yours. 

A minute passes as Tsuki comes back to her senses, moving her hips again. 

“Sorry, Oppa. It’s your turn to cum now.” 

“Hey, we can just stop here Tsuki. I can tell you're tired.” 

The warm feeling around your cock left as Tsuki pulled her pussy off your length. Expecting Tsuki to just rest, you get ready to clean up. Laying her back on the couch, Tsuki looks back at you and smirks once more. 

“I want the load in me. I just want you to look into my eyes as you shoot it in me. I’m a bunny, right? Come fuck me like one.” 

Lining your rod back up with her folds, you began to slowly enter her pussy. A sudden slap to your ass made you fill Tsuki instantly. You were already close all this time. In your mind, you knew you wouldn't last much longer but you were still gonna have fun.

Your thrusts continued as they did earlier, fucking the bunny. Raising her upper body once more, Tsuki wrapped her arms around your body and put her lips next to your ear. 

“I said fuck me like a bunny Oppa. What, can't you do that properly?” 

A fire grew in you as you began to strengthen your thrusts into her. The small pants from Tsuki were music to your ears as the idol continued to encourage you. 

“Oppa. I’m such a sweet-looking girl but with you, I’m just a bunny in heat. I want the load in my pussy so fucking hurry and d-drop it in me.” 

The filth that left Tsuki’s mouth was amazing as you used all your remaining strength to fuck her tunnel. 

“Y-You really are like a bunny in heat. Asking me to cum in you. Well, get r-ready then.” 

A few more seconds passed as the gut feeling in your stomach rose to its peak. The throbbing from your length made the bunny gasp. With one final thrust, you shoved your length into her. The sudden shots of your load began to fill Tsuki to the brim with your semen. Your neck began to get small kisses and bites from Tsuki as she marked you as her own as well. 

It honestly could have been seven shots of semen that caked from your cock. Despite being inside of the bunny still, your load began to leak out of her cavern. Finally, your peak ended as you dropped down on the couch, and on top of Tsuki. 

A minute passed as you lifted your upper body off Tsuki. Her face was full with a smile as she began to laugh. Your own laughter as well as hers filled the room. Pulling your length out of Tsuki, your load began to leak even more out of the bunny’s cavern. 

Once the two of you relaxed a bit more, you pulled Tsuki closer and kissed her on the lips. 

“God. I never expected you to really act like a bunny in heat.” 

“Oh, that was just the beginning Oppa. Your little bunny girlfriend will have all the time in the world to show you how wild she can get.” 

Picking up Tsuki, you ran to your bedroom to continue the rest of your night with the idol. 

The next day came as you heard your alarm go off. Next to you, Tsuki slowly began to wake up as well and hug you. 

“Back to work Oppa. Let’s get ready.” 

The rest of your morning goes by quickly as you get ready and eat breakfast. And you may have also had a quickie in the shower. 

Walking up to the door, you unlocked the door and entered with Tsuki. Making your way to the sound of laughter, you saw all of the girls eating breakfast in the kitchen. Looking over, they saw your hand holding Tsuki’s and began to yell. 

“Finally! Our plan worked! Thank you ladies for leaving early with me to get them to talk.” 

“Yeah yeah Sua. Now finish up your breakfast and let's go to work.” 

“Got it Oppa! I hope your thanksgiving was great then!.” 

Looking over at Tsuki all you could do is laugh and nod your head. 

“Yeah, Sheon. That was a great holiday.” 

[callsigndragon]

A Rebel in my Soul [2023 ver.] | Ch.1 New friends and old enemies

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x fem!pilot!reader (Call sign: Rebel)

Word count: 2.6k

Warnings: mention of Goose and Carole’s death, mentions of death, Jake being an asshole, mentions of drinks, Fanboy being a literal sunshine, you know the deal.

A/N: WELL WELL WELL. do i have self control? no. am i uploading this bc it is fun to sit and read my first series and think ‘i should’ve done this differently’ and changing loooots of things? yes. it is easier than just write a new fic? yep. And i’m loving every second of it. There’s gonna be major changes, i’ll be showing more rebel x dagger squad interactions and maybe this version will have more chapters than the original one.

A/N 2: reuploading this bc i realized MORE MISTAKES ugh

Tagging the usual people, if you want to be added, comment down below!

Masterlist

“Rebel shouldn’t be here” 

Those were Maverick’s first words when he saw your face among the profile pictures of all the aviators called for the mission. He knew that the survival rate on this particular mission wasn’t exactly high; that's what they called him. He was an expert at going against the odds.  

That's one of the many things you two had in common.  

“Any particular reason why, Captain?” Cyclone inquired, already regretting following Iceman’s advice to call Mitchell. 

“You know who she is.” 

Cyclone pressed a few times on his tablet, making your picture occupy the whole screen. “That’s why she’s here, Mitchell. She’s as good as you, but not so prone to breaking rules.”

“Do you know where her call sign comes from, right?” Maverick hinted, not sure if he understood what was the meaning of ‘rebel’. 

“It’s not because of you, Maverick. She never told anyone about her father,” Cyclone explained with a tired voice, wanting to end the meeting. “Look, you have no choices left. You either take this job or say goodbye to military life.” 

How was he supposed to reject the mission? Not only because of his daughter, but also because Goose’s son, Rooster, was part of the team. He couldn’t risk the life of his best friend’s son. He swore to Carole before she passed away that he would take care of her kid. He followed his friend’s death wish, and the only thing he managed to get from it was losing the only Bradshaw left in his life and his only daughter. Maverick knew he was in no position to ask for Rooster and Rebel to be taken off the team, but he wished he could. Actually, no, that was a bad idea. He had interfered in their careers long ago. If he wanted to have a relationship with either of the two ever again, he couldn’t do that a second time. He had learned it the hard way.

Rebel was only a few years younger than Rooster. And, as if he hadn’t learned the lesson the first time, he tried to pull his daughter’s papers. He didn’t want her to become a pilot and risk her life every time she was in the air. Of course, when she found out, Rebel swore never to speak to her dad again.  

Maverick knew that he had no choice but to join this mission as an instructor, to train the two of you, his kids, and pray that nothing went wrong when the time came. 

This was Maverick’s hardest mission to date. 

It’s been a while since you’ve been at the Hard Deck—at least two years. From what you’ve heard, Penny is now the owner of the bar. She is an old friend of yours, and having been in a complicated relationship with your father, you once dreamed that she would become your mom. Little Rebel was a very innocent girl. 

Looking around the bar, searching for familiar faces, you spot Coyote and Hangman playing at the pool table. These two being here can only mean two things: one, the mission is really complicated, and they need the best aviators out there. Hangman is the only aviator you know with a confirmed air-to-air kill. And two, Rooster will be here, too. 

“Rebel?” You hear a surprised voice behind you.  

You could recognize that voice anywhere, so when you turn around to see the smile on Nat’s face, you can’t stop yours. “Phoenix? Oh my god, it is so good to see you. Are you here for the super secret mission?” you say while getting close to hug her. 

“You thought that they could call the best of the best and leave me out of it?” 

“Fair point,” you agree, hugging her again. “I missed you so much.” 

“Missed you, too. Hey, let me introduce you to my friends,” she turns around to introduce you to the two tall men standing behind her. “Rebel, these are Reuben Fitch, call sign Payback and Mickey Garcia, call sign Fanboy.”  

“Fanboy?” you look at him, “Quite the call sign.” 

“Guess that’s what happens when you have a bit of taste,” he shrugs. 

“Hmm… which fandom?” 

“Trek,” he smiles proudly. 

“Trek is the best,” you agree. 

“Look at that, if it’s my new best friend,” Fanboy says, putting a hand around your shoulder and looking at Payback. “See? Someone with taste.” 

“You’re not getting rid of him now,” Payback warns you. 

“What would I want to get rid of him for?” 

Mickey hugs you closer, almost choking you in his embrace. “Oh my, I found my soulmate.” 

Phoenix looks around the place until she sees Hangman, then she sighs while rolling her eyes. “They really need to be desperate to bring an asshole like him.”  

“Nat, he’s an asshole, but he’s a talented asshole. He’s really good.” 

“Please don’t talk like him, I will throw up.” Fanboy and Payback laugh at Phoenix's antics. “Come on, let’s mess a bit with the cowboy.”  

You and your new friends approach the pool table, with Hangman raising his eyes as you get closer. “What do we have here? If it ain’t Phoenix! Oh, well, well, good little Rebel is also in the building! And here I thought we were special, Coyote”  

“Special like you? No thanks, I'll pass,” you retort, making Fanboy and Payback laugh.  

“Fellas, this here’s Bag Man,” explains Phoenix, standing right in front of the blonde. 

“Hangman” he corrects. 

“Whatever. You’re looking at the only Naval aviator on active duty with a confirmed air-to-air kill,” says Phoenix. You look at her, wondering why she decided to say that to the new guys. Wasn’t she trying to mess with him? Why is she praising him?

"Stop," Hangman responds, his ego inflated.  

“Mind you, the other guy was in a museum piece from the Korean War.” There it is. Phoenix is roasting the shit out of Hangman. That’s your girl.  

“Cold War,” adds Coyote, as if it could make Hangman look cooler. There’s something you never understood about Coyote and Hangman’s friendship. Coyote is a better person than Hangman could ever be. Why would he be attached to an idiot like him all day? 

“Different wars, same century,” says Payback. 

“Not this one,” adds Fanboy. You’re really beginning to like these two.  

The look in Hangman’s face is priceless. See, Hangman got on your nerves every time you two were in the same room. But Phoenix was always ready to mop the floor with him because ‘nobody messes with my girl’. She was like the sister you never had. And by the looks of it, Payback and Fanboy will be joining Hangman’s roasting squad soon.  

“Who are your friends?” asks Coyote, trying to change the subject and always defending his friend. 

“Payback.”  

“Fanboy.” 

“Hey Coyote,” you say, looking at Hangman’s friend. 

“Hey.”  

“Who’s he?” you ask while signaling with your head.  

“Who’s who?”  

Your little group turns to look at the blond-haired man, who has been eating the whole time. He raises his head, looking surprised at all the attention he is suddenly getting. He is cute.  

“When did you get in?” asks Coyote, noticing his presence for the first time.  

“Oh, I’ve been here the whole time,” answers the man, smiling. He can’t be a pilot. Pilots are cocky little shitheads. He seems like the type of guy who brings your daughter home one hour before the agreed time just so he can earn her father’s approval.  

“The man’s a stealth pilot,” jokes Hangman, always trying to be the funny man of the hour.  

“Literally” 

 “WSO, actually,” he clarifies. A wizzo, of course. He kind of looks like it. 

“With no sense of humor,” Hangman gives the pool stick to Phoenix and leaves.  

“I’ll get us something to drink,” you say, approaching the bar. It seems like Hangman had the same idea.  

“Penny, my dear. I’ll have four more on the old timer," you hear him say, looking at the poor guy who surely had made the bell ring before. You feel your stomach turn when you see the face of your father. Why is he here? What is he doing at Top Gun? Is he coming back as an instructor? That didn’t work the first time he tried; he didn’t have the free will he needed. And he couldn’t break the rules in good old Maverick fashion. Penny looks at you with a little pout in her mouth, knowing how this whole situation is making you feel.  

You don’t make eye contact with him. Instead, you choose to converse with Hangman. “Need help with those?”  

He glances your way with an eyebrow raised. “What, you’re afraid I’ll let them fall?”  

“No, I was just offering,” you mutter, mentally scolding yourself for even trying to be nice towards him.   

Hangman looks at you like you’ve grown a second head.  

“What?” you grumble, not understanding why he is looking at you like that.  

“...you okay?”  

Wait, is he joking? Is he really interested, or is it just a joke? You decide to just follow. “Yes? Why?”  

“Because you’re being nice to me,” he deadpans. 

Before you can answer, you see Rooster walking through the doors of the Hard Deck. He’s wearing a Hawaiian shirt and his aviator glasses. He’s tanned, more than usual. You know the moment he sees Maverick, hell is going to break loose. You need to avoid the confrontation. As long as you can, at least.   

"Roos!" you yell, sprinting towards him.  

“Look at that, my favorite Rebel!” He catches you in his arms, hugging you. “Did they call you too? You didn’t tell me.” 

“Well, it is a secret mission; how am I supposed to say anything?” you ask, stealing his glasses and putting them on.  

“Fair enough,” he says, while letting you down on the ground. “The others are here too?”  

“Yeah, even your best friend”  

“Phoenix?” 

“Bag Man,” he rolls his eyes and pats your shoulder.

“Let’s go with the rest,” you say as you walk away from the entrance, ignoring the feeling of your father’s eyes following you around.  

“Bradshaw, is that you?” calls out Phoenix.  You two get closer to her. “This is how I find out you’re stateside?” 

“Yeah, I just thought I’d surprise you.” 

Phoenix leans into the pool table, aiming at the next ball, before pulling the stick in the opposite direction and hitting Rooster. He bends in pain, and you can’t contain your laughter. Just like the old times. He looks up to her, smiling “It’s good to see you” 

“Good to see you too.”  

Hangman comes back from the bar, beers in hand, looking directly at Rooster. He gives one to everyone except you and Bob. Great, now you have to come back to the bar again. 

“Bradshaw. As I live and breathe,” he says while stealing the stick from Bob’s hands. 

“Hangman, you look... good.”  

“Well, I am good, Rooster,” he says, hitting one of the balls, his aim never failing. “I’m very good. In fact, I am too good to be true” 

You can see the rest of the aviators looking at each other, shaking their heads in disbelief. Fanboy looks at you, mouthing ‘what the fuck?’. Yeah, you stopped being surprised by Hangman's ego long ago.  

“So, does anybody know what this special detachment is all about?” Payback asks.  

“No, mission’s a mission. They don’t confront me” Hangman cuts in, always needing to say the last word. Sometimes you just wish someone punched him in that stupid face of his.  

“As if he can care about something else that is not himself,” you whisper to Rooster.

"What I'm curious about is who will be the team leader. And which one of y’all has what it takes to follow me?”  

“Oh, I can already hear the news, ‘Team leader Hangman leaves everyone behind,’” you declare, while taking off Rooster’s aviators. 

“Hangman, the only place you’ll lead anyone is an early grave.” 

“Whoo!” Fanboy says before sipping from his beer.  

Hangman approaches you both with a smirk on his face and mischief in his eyes. The guy’s an asshole. Hot and good at his job? Sure, but you're still a jerk.  

“Well, anyone who follows you two is either gonna run out of fuel," he says while looking at Rooster. “Or get themselves kicked off the team.” Hangman looks at you as he finishes his sentence.  

It is true that you aren’t one to follow the rules to a T. You got Rebel as your call sign because of it. Your father always told you that sometimes you need to stop thinking and start doing. You have lived up to it ever since. It got you in trouble several times, but you were the first of your class, and even Hangman had trouble following you. You were really fast.  

Iceman told you once that you were just like your father. 

You really hope it’s not true.  

“But that’s just you, ain’t it, Rooster? You’re snug on that perch, waiting for just the right moment that never comes. At least she has more balls than you.”  

The group stays silent, Hangman’s words echoing in the air. Some of the aviators avoid your stare by looking at the ground. Seriously, what’s wrong with this guy? You walk closer to him, raising your head to look at him straight in the eyes.  

“Well, at least we have people willing to follow us. Have you looked around? Nobody will follow you as a team leader,” you point out; not even Coyote tries to argue with your point. He knows you’re right.

If looks could kill, you would probably be dead by now. He leans over you, his face so close that you can feel his breath on your cheek. Green eyes piercing your own. If this guy were a bit less of an asshole, you wouldn’t mind having something with him. But hell will freeze over before you even consider being around him for more than ten minutes.  

“I would never follow someone like you,” he reiterates, not moving an inch. 

“Remember when I asked for your opinion? Oh yeah, me neither," you say, as you step aside, taking the stick from his hands and giving it to Bob.  

Hangman goes to sit with Coyote, with Phoenix getting close to you and Rooster.  

“Well, he hasn’t changed.” 

“Nope,” Rooster adds, agreeing with Nat. “Sure hasn’t.” 

“You know, everyone’s entitled to act like an asshole once in a while, but he sure does abuse the privilege.” Both of them laugh; you stay with Phoenix while Fanboy nods in the direction of the other aviators entering the Hard Deck. You don’t recognize most of them, but the ones you do are excellent pilots you’ve met on other missions.    

“What the hell kind of mission is this?”  

“That’s not the question we should be asking. Everyone here is the best there is.” Phoenix is right. These are the best of the best, actually. Hell, Hangman is one of the best, even if it’s hard to admit. You two are fast as hell; with you being the faster one and him having aiming skills out of this world. So, if you have been brought here to learn...  

“Who the hell are they gonna bring to teach us?” Phoenix asks the question you were pondering. You were taught by the best and are now the best. Who can possibly teach you more than you already know? And then it hits you.  

“Oh shit.”  

The person who is going to teach you is the same old man who is going to pay for this round of beers your friends are having.  

Pete “Maverick” Mitchell.  

@xoxabs88xox

@pono-pura-vida

@shrimping-for-all

@purplevortexx

[bi-bard]

Taylor Swift Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Nikolai Lantsov - Nikolai Lantsov Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: Taylor Swift Songs That Would Describe a Relationship with Nikolai Lantsov

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov X Reader

Word Count: 2,242 words

Warning(s): mention of violence

Author's Note: Yeah, I know the lyrics I used for "seven" were a little on the nose. Don't talk about it.

Also, he would so be a swiftie.

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seven

And I think you should come live with Me and we can be pirates Then you won't have to cry Or hide in the closet And just like a folk song Our love will be passed on

Nikolai came from two different worlds.

I was never connected to royalty in any way.

Truly, there should have been no occasion where the two of us met.

However, Nikolai always wanted to find something new and exciting. It was a trait that could be seen vividly in his childhood. He would run from his home and find something that he found exciting and interesting.

I was the same way.

That was how we found each other when we were younger and it was how we ended up sticking together through most of our lives.

Until we got older.

We still saw each other, but our normal adventures slowed down as we each took on new responsibilities. But even then, I thought that we would always have each other in some way.

And then, he decided to leave.

It was a largely private thing for him. Just like how he used to sneak around and look for adventures when we were younger. He only told me because I was his best friend and he "needed to see that I was there" before he left.

He wanted my support. He would always have it.

I had only gone to say goodbye and wish him well.

Holding my tears back as I watched him get ready to leave broke my heart. I never wanted this day to come. I never truly wanted anything around us to change. I wanted to be the stupid, curious kids that we had always been without the pressure and responsibilities. It was so unbelievably childish, yet I couldn't stop it.

He looked at me from where he stood on the deck of the ship. I forced a grin and waved to him.

I saw something shift in his head. I couldn't place it, but I saw the look on his face change.

I was only more confused when he ran back down to me.

"What are you doing-"

"Come with me," he cut me off as he grabbed my upper arms. A wide smile was stretched across his face.

"What?"

"Come with me," he repeated. "It'll be just like when we were younger, but with more action... and maybe a little scarier."

"Nikolai, I can't just run off."

"Who says?" he replied. "Last time I checked, very few people would question it if you left by my instruction."

"You're pulling the royalty play?"

"Am I?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Please," he muttered. "I think we both deserve this."

I took a deep breath. I thought about it for a moment before nodding. "Yes."

"Really?"

I nodded again. "You owe me an extra set of clothes- Saints!"

"Deal!"

I let out a loud laugh as I was dragged into a tight hug.

I already knew that this was going to be the best choice I had made in my entire life.

I Think He Knows

I think he knows When we get all alone I'll make myself at home And he'll want me to stay

I don't know when my feelings for Nikolai changed. When I went from seeing him as a friend to seeing him as something else entirely.

I would love to say that it was a sudden thing. That one day I woke up and everything just changed. But I don't believe that's what happened. I think it happened very slowly over time and by the time I noticed, it was too strong of a feeling for me to avoid.

The first time I recognized it was soon after Alina and Mal joined our crew for a short time. At that point, I didn't have time to worry about my feelings. We had bigger problems on our hands than my little crush.

I wouldn't have to even think about confronting those feelings until we got to the Spinning Wheel.

It was after everyone had enjoyed dinner. After everyone had dispersed for the night, either to go to bed or to mindlessly toss and turn in some hopeless attempt of getting some sleep.

I was in the second party.

I had given up. Instead, I walked the halls until I found Nikolai's door. I hadn't been hoping to go there. It just happened.

He was still awake, sitting in the corner of his room, staring off into space.

"Not going to bed," I asked as the door shut behind me.

"Hasn't even crossed my mind," he admitted, standing from his spot. "What about you?"

"Dreaming of stopping the villains was much more fun when the villain wasn't real," I chuckled. "It was less scary to watch you fight air."

"Won every battle back then," he grinned at me.

I looked down for a moment, closing my eyes.

"Hey," my attention was drawn back to Nikolai when he spoke up. His hand touched my arm gently. "Everything is going to be fine."

"This isn't you sneaking in and out of your family's castle," I said. "This is going to be the worst fight that we've ever faced. I... I don't want to hear that everything's going to be fine. I want to hear a plan."

"Alina will find the third amplifier and then we can tear down the Fold," he explained. "That's all we can plan until that happens, but I believe that we will get through this."

I just nodded. "I hope you're right."

"Now, that didn't sound like you believed me."

I rolled my eyes.

"(Y/n)..."

His tone was teasing as I looked away from him. How could he change my mood so easily? It simply wasn't fair.

He was just too... perfect. He was too good to me. Even if I had known that I was falling for him, I wouldn't have been able to stop it because that damn smile would have dragged me in. I was hopelessly falling for him more and more each day and it felt like it was going to drive me mad.

And he seemed entirely unaffected.

And something about that made me upset. How dare he sit there and be completely calm while I struggle to not yell how entirely my mind has been consumed by thoughts of him?

Nikolai moved so he could look me in the eye again.

"Don't you trust me," he asked with that stupid old charming smirk that drove me up a wall sometimes. And seemed to be my final straw.

“No, you don’t get to do that,” I snapped before my brain could even comprehend what I was I was saying.

“Do what,” he asked.

“You don’t get to look at me with that little smile and charm in the hopes of comforting me."

"(Y/n)-"

"Also, You don’t get to be clever and funny and charming and kind. That’s just not fair! And honestly, very distracting. You are meant to have flaws- what are you doing?”

He was standing significantly closer to me than he was before. "Listening..."

He took another step closer, and I felt heat rush over my entire body as nervousness took over. I was suddenly far too aware of every word that had spilled out of my mouth. And now that they were there, I couldn't speak another syllable. Every word got caught in my throat like someone was strangling me. He was just so close to me. It was suffocating.

"I've never seen you speechless before," he muttered. He didn't need to speak any louder. He was close enough that I could hear him perfectly fine.

"You've never stood so close to me before," I pointed out.

"I see," he nodded. "So, it's simply my presence that makes you nervous. Why is that?"

"Nikolai," I forced a scoff and looked away from him. "I came here to have a serious conversation about what we're getting ourselves into-"

"You could have run," he stopped me. "You could have run after our first trip together, you could have run when I went out looking for the sun summoner, when we hunted the Sea Whip, or before we crossed the Fold. Yet, you never did. Tell me why."

I looked back at him, ready to lie straight to his face. To tell him that I was his best friend and I cared for him. Nothing more than strictly platonic protectiveness. But then, I saw that smirk again and I knew that any lie I constructed would be nothing short of completely pointless.

"I think you already know," I said quietly, embarrassed at how easy my feelings must have been to spot.

"Yeah, but I'd quite like to hear you say it," he shrugged. "Don't want to make too many assumptions."

I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. "It doesn't matter, does it? You're going to be engaged. That's all that matters."

"Not to me," he replied. "Please, say it."

I paused for a moment before finally speaking up again, "I have feelings for you, Nikolai."

His smirk only seemed to grow, which I was convinced wasn't possible.

"Can I go now," I asked. "Are you done embarrassing me?"

"Am I done embarrassing you? Yes," he nodded. "Can you go? Not yet."

"Nikolai-"

My exasperated complaint was interrupted by Nikolai leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine.

I froze for a moment as he kissed me. Soon enough, my eyes fluttered shut and I found myself kissing him back. My hands reached up to cup the sides of his face. His hands touched my sides, pulling me as close to him as he could.

I pulled away first, grinning at him. He grinned back at me, leaning his forehead on mine.

"How long have you known," I asked quietly.

"I wasn't quite sure until a few moments ago. I've had my suspicions... and I've... hoped for a while."

"Oh," I mumbled.

"'Oh,'" he repeated, chuckling as he leaned in and kissed me again.

I smiled into the kiss.

It was a feeling of peace that I had never been lucky enough to experience before. And I never wanted to lose it.

King of My Heart

Late in the night, the city's asleep Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep Change my priorities The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

Tearing down the Fold didn't come without its sacrifice.

That sacrifice seemed to make everyone determined to hold on tightly to what they still had.

At least, that was what I assumed led to Nikolai waking me up in the middle of the night to try to quietly get us from my room to his.

I couldn't have escaped him that night. Not that I wanted to. His arms held onto me so tight that I was convinced he was going to crush my ribs by accident. He hid his face in the crook of my neck, refusing to even flinch after he was comfortable.

It was the first time that I had truly felt like I was the center of someone's attention. I was the most important thing in the world in that moment. Even if it was just for him.

Waking up to Nikolai the next morning only helped to solidify that feeling.

He was already grinning at me. I smiled back.

"Good morning," I muttered, rolling on my back as I stretched.

"Good morning..."

I let out a chuckle as Nikolai pulled me closer to his side.

His lips touched my cheek and my nose and my forehead... light kisses until his lips found mine. I hummed against his lips, kissing him back slowly.

Through all the loss and the injuries and the fear, this moment felt like setting a broken bone. Nothing had quite been healed or fixed, but there were intentions. A future that could be seen where that pain wasn't as strong.

"I could get used to this," I muttered as he pulled away.

He chuckled, nudging his nose with mine. "Me too."

There was a moment of silence between us. A moment where we truly enjoyed being together. Relaxing and holding each other properly for the first time. I never wanted to pull away from him.

But I knew that I would have to eventually.

"How do you plan on sneaking me out of here," I asked. "It would be a bit of a scandal if someone were to catch you spending the night with someone other than your future queen."

I meant for it to be a joke, but some kind of edge must've snuck into my voice before I could stop it. Nikolai let out a sigh as a guilty look crawled over his face. His thumb drew a circle into my skin.

"I'm sorry," he muttered to me. "About all of this."

"We could have never happened anyway," I shrugged, acting like the fact hadn't left a permanent scar in my heart. "Not officially anyway. You're doing what's best for Ravka. I understand that."

"'Official' or not, you always have and always will have all of me," he promised.

My heart swelled as I smiled at him. "And that's enough for me."

I had no interest in having a crown or an audience around to prove it.

As long as I had these moments then I would happily exist just as I was.

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