#i just wanted to dump these here bc i'm not going to finish them but i liked the sketches

[murkybu]

these sketches are the last ethoq posts i swear

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[marnikula]

Can u do early seasons spencer x reader who has a lot of problems and they let people walk all over them and they dont set boundaries and they struggle with their emotions. Reader likes spencer a lot but doesn't seek him out bc they feel like he deserves better! And u can decide what happens but make it happy ending :)

Oh my word, I literally spent like 2 hours writing this because I wrote something and then my internet cut out when I posted and now it's lost, so I had to rewrite it. Hope you enjoy!

Cw: gn reader, people dumping work on reader, Spencer being cute

Enjoy!

You were a doormat. You knew it, your friends knew it, everyone knew it. You tried to set boundaries, to say no, but it never seemed to stick. Saying no made you feel guilty, it made you feel like a bad person even though you knew you weren't.

Being a doormat, people tended to walk all over you, requesting ridiculous things of you. That is how it came to be that you were sitting alone in the bullpen, the clock ticking away, showing you that it was around midnight and you still had a whole stack of papers to go through. You felt yourself about to fall asleep, and truly, you were too tired to fight it off when a ding signaled the arrival of someone.

Without even turning to look who it was you knew it was Spencer Reid. You recognized his footsteps, and even if you didn't, the smell he brought with him would have alerted you. It was the smell of coffee mixed sweet undertones, almost as if he had spent his whole day in a café. It was intoxicating. "What are you still doing here?" "Working, I have a lot of stuff to finish before tomorrow" "you mean today" looking back at the clock you could see he was right, it was now officially the next day.

"Do you need some help?" without even waiting for you to decline Spencer took half of the pile you were working on. He moved fast, knowing you well enough to know that you hated asking for help, especially from him, he just could never figure out why.

"Spencer, you really don't need to, I've got this" reaching your hands to take the files back only to be swatted away by the doctor was something you did not expect. "I'm not saying you don't have it, I'm just going to help you so you can go home earlier"

Sighing you admitted defeat and went to go make coffee for the two of you. With Spencer's help you managed to make it through the massive stack of papers on your desk in less that an hour, something you would never have been able to do on your own.

"You, doctor Spencer Reid, are amazing, what can I do to thank you?" it was a slight tease on your part. You didn't expect him to ask you anything return, it wasn't like him, he was too nice . That was one of the things you loved about him, and one of the reasons you willed the crush growing in your heart to shrivel up and die. He deserved so much better than you. Someone with a mind as amazing as his own, someone with kindness rivaling his and someone who knew how to say no. You were none of those. At least not in your own eyes.

"You could go on a date with me" Spencer surprised himself with those words, he really hadn't meant to say them out loud, but he really liked you, and in a moment of confidence inspired by sleep deprevation, he decided to take a chance.

"Really? You mean it?" the both of you were blushing hard at this point, him thinking about how he could have possibly screwed this up and you thinking about how this could possibly get any better.

"I-I mean, only if you want to, you really don't have to feel pressured, I know I said I would take it as paiment, but honestly spending time with you was enough of a payme-" grabbing his face in your hands you turned him to look at you, shutting off his ramblings with the movement and shutting off his brain with your words

"I would love to"

[fanofthelamb]

lovely art you make please never stop!!!

WAAA TOO SWEET. thats it. MOREEEEEEE ART DUMP!!!!!!!! im not sure how many of these i posted but!! i think mostly it's all new!!!!!!!

I wonder if this'll become a thing for me. BAHAHAH

scrapped ref page i've made before ^^^^^ it was similar to nari's except it turns out the red's color jitter was too extreme.... the grren was AMAZING tho. Comments with the pieces btw!! and 30+ pics I think?! So expect a long ass post. :) this isn't even all the unposted art, just the stuff I thought was good enough to post!

First thing's first! How about a comic I never posted? I was kinda embarrassed by the writing of it, but this WAS just something to help Rue. (You might notice a lot of the art in this thread was sent to Rue and never posted. Sorry Rue. little of this is new for you. sone is tho. orzzzzz)

Woah? The lamb has feelings? The lamb has bad feelings about their past?? Who knew. Shocker. (also LMFAO AT NARI IN THIS HE REALLY SAID "oh ur crying? I'll give you a reason to cry")

something to kind of help storyboard out the animation i'm tryna work on. its not going well. turns out that shit is hard.

and some beyond the grove narinder. yall eat BTG nari UPPPPPP.

speaking of BTG? how about some panels of a future page? Chapter 1 still. feel free to laugh at how strangely i draw the draft. ti works for me!

back to normal nari. IN PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS isnt actually a drawing it's a real image taken of me and rue

i dont know if i posted this or not, actually. i am not a big fan of it, though.

i need to draw leshy and val more </3

idk if i posted kalladad either BAHAHAHAHA

also, i dont know if i posted THIS either. i dont SEE it but i could be wrong ?

now how about a couple of kissing booth scraps?

long with the scrapped comic where narinder kills and eats the face of the goat. </3 rip that thing (the goat LOVES fighting and LOVES someome who can beat thier ass almost as much)

and some heket bullying her brother (she wuvs him tho)

i dont know which acc i posted this to, actually. i drew this bc rick kept reposting halflife shit BAHAHAHH

oh and here's a vent piece or two i made with annona. they seem harmless enough to post i guess? i wish i made more content with them.

i jsut wanna chew them between my molars like a marshmallow.

this si also sometihng i made for rue BAHAHAHAHAH HAVE I POSTED IT? IDK.

and of course, the least toxic totally-not-abusive-as-fuck pairing of lamb and the red crown. this isnt exclusively BTG related but I dont know how much interest people would have with him being a character on FOTL? he is 1000% having his own role as his own charavter in BTG though.

oh, and this guy i wanted to post forever ago, but i needed time to adjust to his design. this is the best i have made of him and it might be what sticks. he's leshy's uncle. (took worm baby in after both his siblings went missing)

more nari, because he's my most popular scrumplie. probably bc i draw him the most and a lot of my stuff is nari centric. nude nari because i literally couldn't think up what i wanted to draw on him. i was gonna edit clothes on later and forgor BAHAHAHA

i actually dont know if i posted this too? this is tyar and baal <3 baal was pretty shocked to have learned vitas was tyar's spouse. he's still not ready to talk about it, but he does want to ask the lamb about it one day.

and some childhood memories i never finished.

i MIGHT have posted this one ?

i posted pieces of this page but here's the full:

[neptunescore]

Unpopular opinion

But I really think that if Logan had been able to go through F2 fully and develop like everyone else (except max) did, and was put on a ran that wasn’t Williams, he’d be a much better driver. I can tell he’s improving currently, but he’d be so much better if he was allowed to grow and thrive and then put into F1, but he was taken out of F2 early, dumped into F1, and expected to perform amazingly.

Not every driver can skip F2 or be taken out early and perform great. I think the old team principal set him up for failure but not sporting him to continue his endeavors on F2. He was doing well so the team principal wanted to get to him before any other team could and that ultimately led to Logan’s horrible first season.

And I also think he was done wrong by Williams this season too. I understand that he’s by no means the best driver on the grid, but he isn’t the worst either.

A lot of people don’t want to acknowledge the growth he has made since last year. His year was ruined before it could truly began. With what happened in Australia, the team took his confidence away, and things went down from there. He was so ready and extremely confident, but his car was taken as punishment for something that his teammate did to his own car.

I get that it was a decision based on who could get points, but what really did it was the fact that Alex didn’t get any points and then Logan got his busted up chassis

And even recently, Logan barely got upgrades. He was given stuff from last year. I think he would do so much better on a different team because Williams obviously do not care for him the way they care for Alex. I get that he hasn’t really been driving the way they want him, but to be honest, neither has Alex.

I don’t know, man, this is just my opinion, but I feel like if he was allowed to finish his formula 2 season and then put into formula 1 things would be better for him. And if he weren’t in Williams, then that would be even better. They are known as the worst team on the grid to put a rookie in.

Another unpopular opinion, but I genuinely think he deserves another chance in a team like haas. I know you’re probably going to disagree with me, but haas has a better car than Williams and they would treat him fairly. He would also bring the team many sponsors as the only American, so it would be a win-win.

We don’t know how he would perform in a different team with a better car, so I’m just saying I would like to see what would happen

Honestly I agree with everything uve said here anon, like wholeheartedly.

I'm just gonna add a few more things, but overall, we both have the exact same opinions.

I feel like ppl forget that williams is literally an OVERWEIGHT car, like u literally can't expect amazing results from them, and I know some of you are gonna talk abt how alex seems to be doing rlly well, but alex has been here since 2019. Not to forget that he was part of that redbull shitshow, like this man is fully trained in the art of surviving under stressful situations, and he's also an experienced driver.

I feel like there's more hate on logan bc ppl keep seeing how well Oscar's doing, and those 2 came into F1 at the same time. But you literally can't compare them. You can't. Oscar's one of the VERY few rookies who managed to adjust to f1 that quick, and logan literally just needs TIME like all the other drivers got when they first joined too. Not to mention how SUPPORTING mclaren is of oscar, while james vowels is out there already talking abt different driver options and williams is so blatantly unmotivating of logan. God, ofc it's just gonna affect his performance even more bc this is the ONLY team hes been with, and it's his SECOND year, he needs affirmations and support.

Oscar is also in an AMAZING car, and as I've said bfr, logan is NOT. Ppl rlly need to stop comparing them.

All in all, his situation makes me so sad.

[strongheartneteyam]

[ credits of the Neteyam pic go to cinetrix ]

Champagne Problems

Part 6

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader

CW: a lot of angst, tension between neteyam and reader, heartbroken neteyam, sexual tension, heartbroken reader, insecure neteyam, jealous reader, neteyam just won't leave reader's head, hurt/comfort (?), TRIGGER WARNING for some sensitive themes like reader showing signs of low self steem and not thinking she's worth it, friend group dynamic among reader, adeline and kate, kiri being sweet, reader misses neteyam and regrets dumping him, reader thinks she's protecting neteyam from hurt by staying away from him, spider makes an appearance, kiri being protective over neteyam's feelings, reader tells kiri she likes neteyam. Tell me if there's more, pls.

Here I come, finally updating this incredibly angsty fanfiction :') I hope y'all enjoy this. Writing this fic breaks my heart, guys… it feels raw, honestly. Maybe I'm just speaking like this bc I'm on my period + I'm listening to a sad Taylor Swift song but omg my heart aches rn

Not proofread. I'm sorry, babies, I'm dead rn. So freaking sleepy and finishing this at 5 am bc my mind just wouldn't let me sleep and kept forcing me to think about and write this chapter.

Part 5: The sand hurts my feelings

𓇼

It hits different 'cause it's you

I used to switch out these Kens, I'd just ghost

Rip the Band-Aid off and skip town like an asshole outlaw

Freedom felt like summer then on the coast

Now the sun burns my heart and the sand hurts my feelings

And I never don't cry at the bar

Yeah, my sadness is contagious

Hits Different (Taylor Swift)

𓇼

"Hey." Neteyam greeted you in a dry tone. He found it hard to look into your eyes so he just gazed rapidly into them and then kept his eyes on the ground.

His heart was broken, aching and his pride was shattered. Neteyam hated to see everybody around him looking at him with pity in their faces, knowing that he had been dumped by the girl he loved. He wondered if the boys - Lo'ak, Rotxo and Ao'nung - looked down on him now. Neteyam suddenly felt like he was not a good hypothetical mate. He had always thought he would make a good, reliable and loving mate to the girl he would one day choose to be his but you made him start doubting that after last night. He knew it was probably stupid but still he couldn't seem to get rid of those feelings.

You tried to hide your uneasiness but it was written all over your face.

"Hi." You answered Neteyam, your heart pounding in your chest, anxiety leaving your hands cold.

The pain you were causing Neteyam could be easily seen in the way his jaw clenched, in the way he weirdly looked insecure instead of confident as he always seemed to be. You wanted to say "I'm sorry", you wanted to say "Maybe I did the wrong thing when I refused to become your mate" but you had seen him with Munì. It was useless now, anyway.

Lo'ak looked at Neteyam, then back at you and then he would redo the whole thing all over again, like he was waiting for the both of you to exchange more words. Poor thing. He seemed even more tense than Neteyam and you.

"Rotxo, Ao'nung" Neteyam rapidly called, looking now at the Metkayina boys "Tonowari is waiting for us. Clan business." His voice was serious and seemed slightly annoyed, his face stern 

You wondered if Neteyam said "clan business" instead of giving more detail because you were sitting there too and he was mad at you. Well, you didn't blame him if that's how he felt. You deserved it. You could have been nicer to him this morning.

"Let's go!" Lo'ak spoke loudly, like he was trying to get out of that awkward situation as fast as he could

"Chill out, forest boy. We're going." Ao'nung teased and Rotxo laughed 

"I'm Metkayina now, fish lips. Stop calling me that." Lo'ak responded 

Frenemies indeed.

The boys left and your gaze was fixed on Neteyam's back as he walked away next to the other Metkayina. As you looked down at the beach floor, you wished that ache inside you would just vanish but life doesn't work that way.

When you looked up, you saw Tsireya's and Kiri's big feline eyes fixed on your face. It scared the crap out of you. They seemed even wider now.

"What?!" You sounded legitimately startled

"Neteyam told me and Lo'ak he was gonna ask you to be his mate at the party." Kiri stated

"And how the hell did every person in this tribe find out about that? Did he tell them too?" You didn't mean to sound rude but you really were overwhelmed by the situation

"It's just me, my brother and Rotxo. Only we know, other than Kiri and Lo'ak. My stupid brother overheard Kiri asking Neteyam how it had went, what answer you had given to Neteyam and he told Rotxo. I saw them laughing like idiots and asked what was so funny. That's when Ao'nung told me." Tsireya said, like she was sorry about the fact that so many people knew about yours and Neteyam's intimate business

𓇼

The day after that, you and the girls went back to Hell's Gate. You decided it was better to leave things the way they were. To let Neteyam have a nice, healthy and proper relationship with someone of his own kind. Like your father always used to say, na'vi and humans will never be equal. But he meant it in a derogatory way, with prejudice against the na'vi in his words while you meant something totally different. It was just natural that na'vi would marry other na'vi, not a human. The differences between both cultures did not just speak loud, they actually shouted like a mad person. You knew you could never get accustomed to being a na'vi male's mate. Not even if that male was Neteyam and just thinking about leaving him behind, thinking that you felt absolutely nothing for him, made you feel a burning, painful sensation in your heart. And of course Neteyam would be better off with an emotionally stable mate. Munì seemed perfect for him. 

You totally did not feel anger boiling inside your guts anytime you thought about her stupid smiles and giggles back when she was talking to him at the beach. She would make him happy and you were totally happy for them. The next step for you would be actually believing the words you just thought.

𓇼

One month and a few days had passed. You felt grateful that you had been able to dodge all the demands to go conduct scientific researches on the Metkayina tribe that you had received until now, asking to exchange positions with colleagues and staying in the lab, doing paperwork instead. You were doing everything in your power to avoid Neteyam. But you could never seem to be able to avoid the pain that washed over your body and the tears that wanted to come out - but never actually did because you were always strong enough to hold them back - whenever a sad love song started playing in your earbuds or in one of your friend's phones. It seemed like every fucking dumb love song reminded you of him.

After Kiri sent you a message almost begging you to go visit her, making you feel guilty and saying that she missed you a lot and now that she had her own marui, you just had to go to the reef and see it, you couldn't say "no". She was being too adorable and you missed her too. You asked Kiri if Kate and Adeline could come along and she excitedly agreed, so, the three of you used your next couple of days off to travel to the Metkayina beach again. It was a blessing that Neteyam had traveled to the Omatikaya tribe to see his grandmother Mo'at and was gonna be gone for a while, as Kiri had guaranteed you.

Kiri always had a very human side to her, just like Lo'ak. Neteyam didn't even seem like he was half human at times. He was extremely proud to be na'vi and wore his indigenous culture with honor all over himself. You could never see Neteyam asking to have his own place. He was too attached to his family - and you thought that was extremely cute. It wasn't traditional amongst the na'vi for an unmated young girl to leave her family's marui like that but Kiri was clever and she found a way to get what she wanted out of her parents.

𓇼

Adeline, Kate and you woke up as early as the Pandoran skies got clear and dragged your sleepy and tired asses to the Metkayina tribe. Being a scientist would never not leave a person overworked and exhausted. Like most mornings, you had drank way too much caffeine already for such an early hour in the day.

"Girl, how do you always look so beautiful? I could never." You pointed out as you watched Adeline make two thin braids to frame her round, delicate face and put her black curly hair in a voluminous bun on the top of her head, while the both of you were inside the science team's helicopter, heading to the Metkayina reef.

You had always found Adeline extremely pretty with her dark skin, voluptuous figure and feminine style. She always made sure to look cute.

"I don't know. I guess I'm God's favorite." She joked around and the both of you started to laugh

Adeline was also funny. She could put a smile in your face anytime, even when you were sad. You considered her a sister from another mother.

"You guys are stupid." Kate teased as she was laughing too and holding an energy drink filled with caffeine in her pale hand. She'd drink those often to help wake her up.

Kate's long, blonde, wavy hair fell gracefully over her chest. Her eyes were blue and she was tall and had an athletic but slim body. Damn, you only had breathtaking friends.

𓇼

Kate and Adeline had decided to take a nap after lunch in Kiri's marui and they asked if you would come too but you refused as you were far too restless to be able to sleep. That beach brought back too many memories…

So, now you found yourself sitting in the sand, watching the ocean waves break as they hit the shore with Kiri by your side. She had managed to make you say the truth about why you seemed so troubled.

"Yeah, (y/n), you fucked up big time." Kiri stated with that aura of wisdom beyond her years that only herself knew how to effortlessly exude.

You wanted to dig a hole in the sand under your feet and jump inside of it, hiding and never coming back up again. Of course you'd fuck it up with Neteyam. You had a cursed tendency to self sabotage. You did not know if being so freaking aware of it made you better or if it actually made you worse.

"Are you mad at me?" You ask nervously with furrowed eyebrows 

"(y/n)! It's not my feelings that you should be worried about! It's not my heart that you broke." Kiri scolded you as she looked at you with those big feline yellow eyes like she was actually horrified. You felt so bad for thinking it was kind of funny. "I know you don't wanna be Neteyam's mate but do you not care about him at all? Not even a little bit? He hasn't been the same ever since you dumped him and left. Poor thing can barely go train with dad. I think I saw him sniffing while hiding one of these days. Eywa knows that prideful teylu" (edible Pandoran bug) "would never cry in front of us."

"I swear I didn't mean to be cruel. I just did not know… how to react. It was sudden, you know? It's like, I don't know… a cultural shock? Humans don't go around asking people they just met to marry them. Or… become their mates." It would never feel normal to say "mates" to you

Apparently you had acted just like Kat Stratford in 10 Things I Hate About You, when she would cold heartedly refuse Patrick Verona over and over again. You used to always watch that vintage movie with Tracy. It was one of her favorites. 

"Don't act like it was the first time you two had met. Neteyam stared at you all the time when you came to our tribe. I swear to Eywa I've never seen him nervous to talk to a girl before but you have a power over my brother… it's fucking crazy to watch actually. He's like a needy, dumb dog drooling over you when he looks at you. It's even freaky." Kiri couldn't hold it back so she burst into laughter, hiding her mouth with her big but delicate hand

You were nervous as fuck but you started to laugh too. It seemed like the nervousness and guilt and tense vibe of the situation only made it worse, making everything even more funny and absurd.

"You know the worst part of it all?" You looked at her like a child who just broke their mom's most precious vase

"Great Mother, don't tell me there's more." Kiri said, incredulous

"I think I like Neteyam." You confessed like you were a good catholic girl confessing her sins to a priest

"You like him?!" She almost screamed

"You don't need to declare it out loud for the whole reef to hear!" You got slightly mad

"You teylu!" She smirked as she moved her head from side to side in disapproval "Why the hell did you dump him then?"

"I don't know, Kiri. Don't judge me, okay?" You put both your hands over your face, hiding it and moving your head from side to side yourself this time. 

At least you knew your attitude had been controversial and confusing to say the least. They say the first steps to recovery are realizing and admitting you're insane.

𓇼

It was now eclipse. You were inside Kiri's home with her and your human friends. Kate and Adeline were finishing unpacking their bags.

"Guys, I'm going out for some fresh air, okay?" You said, trying to find an excuse to get out of that marui filled with girls - human and na'vi.

"You've been acting weird lately." Adeline pointed out "Spending too much time alone."

Kiri discreetly looked at you with a look of concern in her face, as she was the only one of the girls who knew the reason behind your strange demeanor.

"I just need some air. I'll be back soon." You spoke as you walked towards the door of the marui

"Don't go in the ocean! It could be dangerous!" Kate yelled. She was the "mom friend" of the group.

"I know!" You laughed "I'm not stupid. I'm a scientist too. But thanks for your concern."

You walked through the beach for a while, trying to take a certain tall, handsome blue alien out of your mind when you saw Spider walking in the area too. He waved at you and you waved back.

You weren't as close to Spider as you were to Kiri and Lo'ak but you did love his company.

You sat on the sand with him, looking at the ocean, just like you had done with Kiri earlier and you two started to catch up and eventually the talk got deeper, more philosophical.

"Don't you feel crazy, Spider? Living among beings of another species? Don't you feel… left out?" Your eyes looked at him with genuine doubt in them

"I do, sometimes." He sighs "Especially because of how Mrs Sully acts towards me, at times" the both of you laughed quickly "But this place is my home. I was born in Pandora, I know nowhere else that I could call home. And also, I grew up around Lo'ak, Kiri, Neteyam and Tuk. They're family to me, even if not related by blood. It doesn't really matter in the end, family are the ones who are there for you. Not your bloodline." 

"Oh my God, I totally agree!" You rapidly say in a slight loud tone, chuckling, like you wanted to emphasize how much you shared the same opinion with him

"So..." You pondered if you should tell him or not "Neteyam talked to me last-"

"Yeah, I know. Ao'nung told me." Spider interrupted

"Of course he did..." You rolled your eyes and sighed. So everybody knew already...

Spider chuckled softly.

"Anyways, Neteyam calls me tawtute. I think it's funny that he calls me "human", but in na'vi"

"Yeah, that's him being affectionate towards you. He likes you. A lot." Spider pointed out

You stoped smiling and your heart started feeling painful.

"He probably hates me now, actually. I totally blew it off. I was really insensitive towards him." Shame and regret covered your face, as you were crestfallen

"Have you ever thought about apologizing?"

"Yeah, of course I have. Many times. I just…" You hesitated "I guess I can't face him now."

"Oh, c'mon. I know you can do it. Isn't it worse to be feeling guilty and sad and let Neteyam think you don't feel sorry for hurting him?"

"You have a point, Spider. God, I hate it when you're right." You laughed and slapped his arm softly, in a playful manner

𓇼

Adeline and Kate slept peacefully next to you, each one of them in a different mat - but the three mats had been placed next to the other. You, on the other hand, hadn't been able to sleep well in almost two months. Kiri told you and the girls she was gonna stay up and she now was, at the corner of the marui, making herself a new beaded necklace in the light of a tiny fire she had lit up.

As you laid quietly in your mat with your eyes closed but wide awake, you heard footsteps inside the marui. You could not believe it when you opened your eyes and you saw it was Neteyam. His tall, slender figure and head full of thin braids that danced in the air as he moved made you recognize him immediately, even in the dark of the eclipse.

Damn! Wasn't he supposed to be in the Omatikaya tribe right now? And what the hell was he even doing here instead of going to his parents' marui?

𓇼

Taglist:

@iman-lu

@leaveitbythewave

@creepytoes88

@live-laugh-neteyam

@swaggygurlbae

@neteluvr

@layla2-49

@a-blog-name-2003

@lala-1516

@jakesullyfatjuicypeen

@yeosxxx

@iaratezaewa

[koalas-koalas-everywhere]

Ok, I'm going to say something a bit dodgy, do take into account that my beef is with Rick and not Annabeth.

I might have been tempted to read The Chalice of the Gods (as opposed to anything after Staff of Serapis, which I've given a pass) if I didn't know that, as long as Annabeth is there as well, Percy won't be well-written. More specifically, he won't be written as himself.

When Rick wrote HoO, he had to figure out how to include Annabeth in the seven without having all these other powers dwarf her out. He did this by establishing a strict division of labour, according to which she was the strategist, and no one else. That has never been the case, at least not in such an exacting way.

Percy's saved their butts with his plans at the very least as often as she has. He's outsmarted his opponents, he's manipulated them, he has like a signature move that he pulls in almost every single book that basically goes "forget you're an almighty entity who could probably just ignore me without any problem and get down here and fight me at my level!" (tlt: Ares, Luke (unsuccessfully, since he refuses). som: Luke again (successfully, since he plays on his need to control his army's opinion of him). botl: Antaeus. tlo: Kronos. technically Gaia in son), he's been the one to figure out what they needed to from the prophecies (som: that they needed to send Clarisse to camp. ttc: the thing with Atlas's curse. botl: that Nico was the ghost king. I don't include tlo bc Annabeth figured it out first), he often comes up with the winning plans, like how he was the one who figured out how to get past Cerberus, even if it was Annabeth's expertise that allowed them to pull through (just like it was Percy's skill and weapon that allowed Annabeth's plan for Medusa to succeed) or tangling Antaeus on the ceiling chains. The scene with Chrysaor? Perfect blend of knowledge of myths, strategic genius and pure labia. For all the times we see him lose his cool or speak impulsively, we also se him go "wait, this person is trying to provoke me, I have to chill". I saw a comment a little while ago that Percy should've been dragging Giants to the gods feet for them to finish off -- that's what he did! Only he didn't physically drag them there, he planned them there. He tricked Polybotes into following him to Terminus, into pissing Terminus off so he'd agree to help, then killed him. While it was far from complex, he's the one who came up with the strategy to beat Otis and Ephialtes, so they only had to wait for Bacchus to step up.

I'm not saying Annabeth isn't smart. She has an impressive store of knowledge, which in itself is a clever thing to store, because it matches with her style of managing resources -- be they mental, like her facts, or physical, like her hat or things she finds in her surroundings, like the glass balls in Medusa's lair. Annabeth is probably the best at looking at a situation and going "okay, let's look at what we have. Ah, yes, a limitless credit card. Ah, yes, a store-full of clothes that no one's going to want back. Ah, yes, those weird-ass proteins that Hermes gave us, just like Hermes gave someone else food for a place just like this. Ah, yes, knowledge of how to fly a helicopter."

Here's the thing, though. When I read the phrase "Athena-like chatter", I almost broke something laughing. She's good with lies, hers are better and more believable than her friends'. When it comes to chatter, though... I couldn't even tell you how good she is, because I don't think I've ever seen her do something like that before MoA?

But, you know, okay, Rick has to spend more time in her head, she's been elevated in status to one of several protagonists instead of a deuteragonist as she was in PJO (he has to solve this oopsie - I don't agree with everything here, like how, except for her intelligence, Annabeth's other skills are "dump stats", but...), so he has her expand. Good for her. I think it worked alright in her fights in MoA -- a little bit of the old (impressive expertise in certain areas, management of resources), add a little bit of the new (a perceptiveness and gift of gab that she's rarely shown before, if ever, although you could argue she might have taken the "talk your enemy into beating itself" from Percy just like she learned to simplify from Frank).

That's not my real problem. It's this, from when they're fighting Akhlys:

Percy wanted to give her more time. She was the brains. Better for him to get attacked while she came up with a brilliant plan.

... What. Of everything that we've seen of Percy. That I've described just now. Makes sense with this? And please don't give me crap about "it's because his self-esteem is so low!" because 1) this isn't just about what he's thinking, it's about what he's doing, which is pretty much nothing while he waits for Annabeth to save them. He's never lacked initiative like this. Even while thinking, "wow, this absolutely crazy and dimwitted plan is so bad that it's going to get us all killed!" he still did it. ( 2) I've heard "it's bc of his self-esteem/ he plays dumb on purpose" to justify fandom's constant underestimation of Percy's smarts too many time to let it fly now.)

"It's because he trusts Annabeth's judgement more than his own, and he lets her do what she does best when she's available. Other times he's been forced to come up with a plan, it's because she isn't." Did he wait for Annabeth to shoot her shot with Ares before going in with his own plan? Did he keep quiet his misgivings about her level of preparation for the Labyrinth in BotL? Did he leave her to organize the battle plan in TLO? Did he give up after Chrysaor beat him twice in a sword fight and wait for her to come up with a plan? Absolutely not.

"Well, he still beat Akhlys, so I don't see what you're complaining about, it's not like he's useless or anything." True. It wouldn't be the first time he has to resort to brute force to get past an enemy he couldn't outthink (the telekhines come to mind) or that he never even bothered trying to outthink (Hyperion comes to mind), because it's not like strategizing is something that's essential to Percy's style, even if it does come up a lot. I said before that it's his actions that bother me and not what he was thinking, but there is some of that, too. That he wasn't thinking "I can't figure out what to do" or even too busy fighting to start to wonder about what to do, but "there's nothing I can contribute here but my fighting skills". It's sadly a dynamic that Rick has tried to encourage between them.

Sure, Percy only ever gets more powerful, but, even without Annabeth around, he loses any of his braincells. Look at his underwater fight with Polybotes. He starts off in the ship with an impressive display of power -- holding the ship together in the middle of a supernatural storm. Then he gets underwater and immediately loses to PB. The guy he would've one-shotted several times if he could kill him without a god's help. "He doesn't have experience fighting underwater," water not only gives him a strength boost, it gives him a skill boost, as we see in TLT. Besides, how much skill do you need to not swim directly into a cloud of poison? And really, he doesn't get to do anything but that.

Compare it to SON. He's fighting an almost-whole legion of dead people, with a mix of sword fighting and a whirlwind, and he might have won if they hadn't been able to reform. Recognizing that he was about to lose and to give Frank and Hazel a chance to fight Alcyoneus without having to worry about the army, he brings a whole end of the iceberg down to drown them all. And yet, you know what really struck me of all this? How smart Percy was, because he didn't just fight the legion. He aimed for the eagle, realizing that that would be the best way to keep them focused on him and not Frank.

If he's this capable, though, where does that leave Annabeth, who's a skilled warrior but whose most distinctive trait is thinking?

The whole power/smarts dichotomy is also the actual context of that line about Annabeth being the most powerful demigod. He's just spent two weeks teaching Magnus how to survive at sea, when it suddenly occurs to him that the most helpful thing for him to learn is how to "use what you've got on hand -- your team, your wits, the enemy's own magical stuff." Which is how, despite how often he's done just that, he concludes that Annabeth is the most powerful demigod and the best person to teach him how to survive. (Which is, sadly, all that that comment amounts to. Annabeth doesn't then get a chance to strut her stuff, teach Magnus, show off her smarts, play a part however small in his quest, give some insight into her mind -- nope! She says it was sweet of him and then just leaves with Percy.)

With a bit of luck, RR reread pjo to nail down the feel of it in order to write a book that's supposed to be a tie in for a tv show set in the early days (that's a lot of subordinates!), so he might've rediscovered the characters and found a way to balance that with the... way that he writes them now. I'm not optimistic, though.

(Also, if I have to read more of Percy being always afraid of Annabeth getting angry at him or her looking angry at the smallest of things and this being played as her being a girlboss, or how you "have to keep your boyfriend on his toes", I'll claw my own eyes out, but that's another topic.)

[seren1tyhaze]

cookin' get dirty

PAIRING: chef!mark x afab reader (ft. jeno)

WORD COUNT: 3.7k

SUMMARY: everything in your relationship with your talented chef boyfriend mark is great, except for one thing missing in the bedroom (but he's eager to learn this recipe)

WARNINGS: food imagery, explicit smut, brief cigarette smoking, profanity, some fluffy plot bc i'm a plot lover

PLAYLIST: you already know...Golden Hour

ladies just wait for me, good girl I got a really big

problem

—

“AGAIN! This isn’t what I asked for!” came a booming voice, filling the crowded and hot kitchen.

“Yes, chef!” the blonde man standing over the stove replied while carefully monitoring three boiling pots of water. The steam was causing condensation to form on his furrowed brow, pushing damp bangs into his skin.

Another set of hands came up suddenly next to his, grabbing two of the pots and dumping them into a nearby sink.

“Thanks, J,” muttered Mark quietly, eyeing the back of their boss who was now crowding the space of another prep cook. Jeno laughed and shook his head, filling the pots with water again and returning them to the stove top.

“You’ll get this, it’s one of his tests, you know that,” Jeno replied, brushing a hand lightly over the back of Mark’s black jacket. He carefully opened another carton of quail eggs and helped Mark prepare the pots for poaching.

“I have done this hundreds of times at home, I don’t know what it is about being here that makes it different. It’s like I lose all confidence when I enter this kitchen. I know I am ready for sous chef and he knows it too,” Mark spoke in hushed tones, annoyance filling his voice.

He had been working in a popular Korean fusion restaurant in Toronto for nearly a year and still hadn’t managed to impress the head chef enough to move up the chain. He had taken a demotion to take this job, wanting desperately to study the techniques they were known for. 

A Michelin star for the restaurant was close, or at least that’s what those “in the know” were muttering behind closed doors, and Mark didn’t want to miss the chance to be more than a prep cook when that happened. Jeno was already working under the pastry chef as a main cook, his white jacket ever the symbol of envy for Mark, despite how happy he was for his friend.

Prep was finished for the dinner reservations and the two men slid out through the loading dock door for a smoke, the chilled air pushing their hair up as they leaned against the brick wall of the building.

“Everything else good, man? You seem tense lately,” Jeno tagged onto the end of a long exhale.

“Yeah, I guess…” Mark trailed off, eyes seemingly getting lost in the hazy night sky. His hand was fidgeting, ashing the cigarette repeatedly with each movement.

“Everything good with your girl?” Jeno tried, eyes narrowing lightly, knowing Mark could have a few different reactions to his prying question.

Mark paused, taking a quick drag off the cigarette in his hand before inhaling deeply into his lungs, flicking the butt to the ground and crushing it under his shoe. He shook his head in reply, moving to the door and gesturing towards it.

That was enough of an answer for Jeno, who merely chuckled and ruffled Mark’s hair as he followed him back to the kitchen. He had known Mark long enough to know when he wanted to talk and when Jeno should just drop it (and probably pressure Jaemin during their next workout into spilling what he knew).

Later that night, as Mark is making you both a late dinner after your long shifts, he stands silently at the stove top in your apartment’s small kitchen. He is watching two perfectly over easy eggs sizzle in the pan, eyes narrow and sleepy despite his mind running a million miles a minute.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Mark Lee?” you ask softly, reaching up to rub the back of his neck in a comforting gesture.

“Do I ever disappoint you?” he asks softly, lifting his chin lightly to meet your gaze, pushing the pan off the hot burner and reaching for some fresh green onion he had sliced moments before.

“Disappoint me?” you repeat, concern lacing your words as you carefully push for more context with a tilt of your head.

“Like…I mean…” Mark started, pausing to fluff rice in the rice cooker and season it before moving large spoonfuls into two waiting bowls. He adds an egg to each bowl on top of the steaming rice before topping with a dried spice seasoning from an unmarked jar.

You move to sit at the small corner table in the kitchen, reaching into the fridge for the kimchi container and water pitcher.

Mark sits your dish down in front of you before turning to grab a beer from the fridge, feeling the need for some liquid courage to continue the conversation he knows he needs to initiate.

“Mark, you’re freaking me out,” you reply as you move to mix your rice, never taking your eyes off your boyfriend’s worried face.

He smiles weakly in response, taking his spoon to the yolk in the middle of the egg, shimmering and wet, taunting him. He hovers over the golden center with the wooden utensil, bringing his eyes back up to you.

“Are there things you wish…I was better at?” he asks, tilting his bowl towards you, as if asking about the egg.

“Is this about what happened at work today? You know he’s just an asshole young chef on a power trip that is intimidated by you. You know you know how to make eggs, Mark,” you reply, almost laughing at the absurd question. 

He had worked so hard for everything in his career so far but you also knew how much pressure he put on himself.

“Not cooking…like…um, I don’t know, like in bed?” he asks with an uncertain and unreadable tone.

You sigh, dropping your head lightly as realization spreads through your brain. Reaching a hand out, you lightly place it over his free hand, gripping his fingers in a warm embrace.

“Babe, I promise, I am completely happy with everything we do in the bedroom,” you reply, bringing a light smile to your lips, hoping to reassure him.

When you had first met Mark in a loud nightclub at 4:00AM on a random Tuesday, you knew he would either be the perfect match for your own crazy work schedule or a complete fuck boy one night stand. Turns out, his tall, strong jawed friend Jeno who had gone home with your best friend that night was the fuck boy and Mark was a sweetheart looking for his first love. Not that your friend was complaining about her night with Jeno, when she gets tipsy she still talks your ear off about his broad shoulders, small waist, and massive dick.

Everything about falling in love with Mark had been romantic and a whirlwind. You quickly got swept away by his silly ramblings about all the things he loved about you (some true, others exaggerations), bouquets of flowers (despite your pollen allergy), and cheesy hand scribbled notes (that you found in every pocket of every jacket you left in his car). Within a few months you were moving into his far too small apartment, close to the busy street filled with restaurants you had never dreamt of dining at prior to meeting him.

Each date was Mark trying to impress you with good food and drinks, using every connection he had ever made to wine and dine you at chef’s tables and in private back rooms. None of that had mattered to you but you were happy to indulge him in his passions.

Nights with Mark were more sweet than spicy, his vivacious personality that had women fawning over him everywhere you went, seemingly melting away the minute the two of you were alone. You weren’t unhappy by any means, sex with Mark was tender and passionate, but didn’t usually stray beyond what you would consider to be the basics.

The night you had first tried to push past a steamy make out session on his couch, he had blushed deeply and confessed that he didn’t have much experience, hands hovering over your waist nervously. You had reassured him that you didn’t care and that everyone’s journey was different and things were different with every partner anyways.

You gave him (according to him) the “best fucking blow job in the entire galaxy” (sure, buddy) and you had seen stars riding his cock right there in the living room with (regretably) Gordon Ramsey screaming at Master Chef contestants in the background.

What Mark seemed to be asking was about one part of your sex life that was notably missing - him returning the favor from your blow jobs.

It had become clear the first time the situation arose that Mark had never given anyone head before and at the time you had chuckled lightly, kissing him sweetly and moving on without much discussion about it. How were you supposed to tell your otherwise perfect boyfriend that most guys you dated had no clue what they were doing down there, even with coaching? You had fallen into your own patterns and while you hoped eventually to get there again, it didn’t bother you.

“If you’re talking about eating me out, we can always try that again if you want,” you add softly, feeling suddenly silly talking about this at the kitchen table.

Mark blushed deep red, shaking the long hair from his eyes, inadvertently pulling his hand from yours to tuck a stubborn strand behind his ear.

“I just…I know…like…” Mark stammered out his reply, eyes flicking back down to the untouched egg in his bowl, undoubtedly becoming cold with each passing minute.

“What if you don’t…you know…” he added, finally crashing his spoon down into the yolk, the sudden impact spreading it quickly across the sticky rice below. He watched as each grain became drenched in the shimmering liquid, the surface of the dish becoming glazed and inviting.

“What if I don’t come?” you finished for him, following his gaze to the oozing golden egg dripping lazily off the edge of his spoon. “Don’t worry about that - I’ll teach you what to do.”

Mark nodded silently, finally letting himself take a long swill of his beer and start eating. The two of you finished the meal in comfortable silence, finishing up as you usually did by listening to soft music while cleaning the dishes together.

~~~

A few hours later your eyes were becoming heavy as you pulled yourself closer into his bare chest, the soft hum of the tv signifying the end of the show the two of you were trying to catch up on.

You jump slightly when Mark brushes a soft hand over your collarbone, playing with your bra strap exposed by the stretched neckline of the old t-shirt you were wearing.

“Ticklish?” he chuckled, pushing a kiss onto the same spot, tongue darting out briefly to connect with your warm skin.

“Oh we’re teasing tonight, are we?” you asked lightly, pulling his chin up to connect his lips easily with yours. He’s kissing you differently, no doubt as a result of the conversation earlier, and suddenly you are wide awake, arousal pooling in your stomach.

Mark places strong hands on your waist, sliding up the hem of your shirt to grip at the bare skin, sliding you quickly over onto his lap. Your eyes widen mid-kiss as you feel his erection through his gray sweatpants, pushing into your clothed core, only covered by thin cotton sleep shorts.

Dragging his lips down your neck, you can’t help but feel a shift in the way he’s touching you tonight, a surge of eagerness suddenly there that hasn’t always been his style.

“I want to make you feel good, baby,” he all but purrs in your ear, dragging sharp teeth over your ear lobe as punctuation. His voice sounds strained but he has dropped it down in his register in just the way he knows makes your toes curl.

“Bedroom. Now,” you manage to reply, dragging him by the hand a few steps to the open door and pulling him on top of you on the unmade bed.

It doesn’t take very long until he is grinding his length against your shorts, pulling a hand through the strands of hair splayed across your forehead. Both of you are breathing heavy by this point, the awkward conversation earlier having served as discrete foreplay that then simmered low and slow and pushing you towards a boiling point in this moment.

Your eyes are searching his for the next step, still wanting to respect that he could have changed his mind.

“Let’s do this,” he states very matter of factly, quickly moving to remove your shorts and pushing your long shirt up to bunch up just below your breasts.

You prop yourself up on your elbows, trying to keep a neutral expression on your face to match Mark’s serious stare down he is giving your spread legs. He kneels in between them, reaching a hesitant hand out to stroke your inner thigh, cocking his head to the side as if studying the challenge facing him.

“Think about this like you do when learning how to cook a new dish,” you try, hoping the metaphors bubbling up in your mind will land with the lust-laden man sitting pretty in front of you.

“Going slow is always good and no matter what, I know your tongue is going to make me feel good. It’s kind of like kissing,” you add, running your own tongue over your bottom lip in anticipation.

He simply nods, dropping his head down between your propped up knees, mouth suddenly very close to your exposed center. You can feel his breath across your folds and it makes you shiver as you lift your torso higher, hoping to give yourself a better view.

“Start slow with your finger,” you suggest, pushing your own index finger into your mouth and swirling your tongue around it to gather some saliva before dropping it down, rubbing a few circles to show him what you mean.

Mark is swatting your hand away quickly, mimicking the actions by popping two fingers in his own mouth before dropping them down, pushing them experimentally against your folds, applying the lightest of pressure.

“You can push a little harder,” you suggest, feeling your chest and neck heat up at the contact.

He follows your instructions with ease, pushing slow circles as you feel yourself get more and more aroused.

“That’s good,” you sigh out, letting our head drop back in a moment of relaxation, trying to take a mental picture of this moment. You let him continue in this way, not prompting him to move faster in hopes to edge yourself as long as possible to get the most out of each moment. You’re drinking in the heat that’s radiating off him as he stares intensely at his own fingers moving, eyes flicking up every once and a while yet still avoiding eye contact.

“First course - passing grade,” you say with a wink once you become adjusted to his slow and gentle movements, settling into the warm sensation spreading across your body.

He sits back, smiling slightly, nerves still apparent by the look in his eyes. You pull yourself up, removing your t-shirt in a quick movement, nipples perking up at the sudden exposure to the cool air circulating in the room.

“Now, second course…” you trail off, bringing the same hand he had been using on you to your chest, his hand instinctively cupping your full breast once he made contact with your skin.

You let him massage you briefly before tugging at his chin, running your thumb across his plush lower lip, silently encouraging him to put his mouth on you. He moves himself higher, pushing up on his knees to slide up your torso, dragging his tongue across your navel as and dotting kisses along your abdomen as he finally takes your painfully hard nipple in between his teeth, flicking it expertly with his tongue. You knew he needed no instruction here.

“Don’t stop touching me though,” you breathe out, feeling him push into your throbbing core slightly harder at the sound of your strained voice. You are feeling your breathing pick up and know you can’t possibly hide how much he is affecting you. You shake your head lightly, remembering the task at hand and that you are supposed to be guiding him.

“Now, when you’re ready, go ahead and do that same thing down there,” you speak slowly, trying to regulate your own breathing as you move closer to being overstimulated.

Mark visibly gulps, slowly removing his fingers from you and bringing them up to his lips, slipping his tongue out to dart over them and taste what he had gathered.

Your eyes widen when he does this, surprised at his deviation from your lesson plan (not that you’re complaining). The way he darts his tongue out and flattens it against the tips of his pointer and middle finger to clean them off has you squirming on the sheets.

He smiles at your reaction, clearly proud of himself as he ducks his head down between your legs again, face impossibly close once again. Carefully, as if you were made of glass, he darts his tongue out, pushing impossibly slow and licking a long stripe precisely where his fingers had just been.

You dig your fist into the comforter, balling up a large section to grip onto. Jesus, he was good at this already. Of course he was good at this.

“You can use your lips too, almost as if you’re kissing me,” you speak quietly, trying to clear your throat of the moan bubbling up through your raspy words. He shouldn’t be bringing you this close so soon but the anticipation for this moment has had you horny since he first touched you on the couch.

Mark’s lips on yours feel warm and unbearably sexy, alternating between light kisses and kitten licks as he begins to gather wetness on his mouth.

He experiments by pushing his tongue up higher, clearly knowing he needs to start looking for your clit. You know you’ll have to help him here but are also pleasantly surprised when he gets pretty close on his first try. You bring a gentle hand down to his silky hair, pulling slightly to readjust his position and pull him in a little closer.

You feel like you can hear him smile against you when you do this, but know you must be imagining that he is enjoying being guided and coached by you through this intimate moment. He can’t possibly be wanting to be bossed around by you like this…right? No chance.

When his tongue pushes up against your clit you suck in a sharp inhale, humming out an incoherent statement as he pushes against it again, beginning to make the same small circles you had showed him with your finger.

“That’s it, right there, baby,” you babble, letting your head slam against the pillow beneath it, pushing your hand further into his hair without having to readjust his position this time. You whine out his name to encourage him as your eyes roll back into their sockets, not sure how much longer you can hold on.

You almost tip over the edge when he accidentally drags his teeth across a sensitive spot and you hear a small apology from below and choose to ignore it for the moment and try to tamp down the moan that almost escapes from your lips at the contact. That’s honors level course work and you were too close to go into all that.

Every lap of his tongue sends you closer and closer to the edge and your eyesight has started to become fuzzy as you rapidly approach your orgasm. He’s not making much noise but every once and a while you feel a small whimper or moan vibrate across your pussy, his death grip on your ass giving you some confidence that he is enjoying himself.

Your release hits you with a jolt, every part of your body throbbing as you almost knock Mark in the head as your knees instinctively pull together in ecstasy. He slows his tongue movements and you can hear him gasping for air below you as he is being suffocated by your warmth. You can’t control your screams as you slam a hand over your mouth, feeling only slightly sorry for the neighbors at such a late hour. He keeps lapping at you like he’s starving, your eyes squeezed shut as your mouth hangs open in pleasure.

He finally emerges, hair a mess, lips dripping and chest heaving. He looks filthy and you stare at him with wide eyes, in shock. Without saying a word, he drags a finger across your sensitive core, examining it before sliding his tongue slowly across the tip, pulling it back into his mouth.

“If you don’t get over here and kiss me, I will fail you and you will have to retake this course, chef,” you manage to croak out, lifting a hand weakly towards him with all the energy you could muster. It was going to be a long night.

~~~

“You’re on fire, Lee,” Jeno hissed the next day as he helped Mark plate 12 perfectly poached quail eggs, eyes sparkling wildly as he gripped his shoulder with a strong hand. He bent his head down closer to lower his voice under the dull hum of kitchen noises and chatter.

“What changed? You walked in here today like some cocky god and I heard him talking to the other head chefs just now and it’s looking fucking good for your promotion.”

Mark simply shrugged, a devious grin spreading across his lips as he nudges Jeno’s hand off his shoulder to let him wipe the edge of the plates. 

He grabs a long handled spoon and dips it into the dish of hollandaise sauce, dragging his finger slowly across the back of the spoon and darting his tongue out to quickly clean the tip of his finger with a smacking sound, not breaking eye contact with Jeno.

“I guess I just learned how to make eggs.”

~~~

part two ft jeno? anyone? hehe.

[linnaealyn]

Been working on again off again on a Xenogears portrait mod for two years now, started in Sept 2021 right before I actually finished the game for the first time. Some time ago I started adding upscaled (hand painted) versions of UI elements, so I guess its now a general texture pack I'm working on.

Its done through RetroArch's Beetle PSX HW core real-time texture replacer.

My goal with this is to make a texture pack that stays very true to the original look of the game. I don't want to redesign elements, impose too much of my own influence into it, and make the game look like it had an identity crisis. I still want it to look like Xenogears in the end, just upscaled, and where the portraits are concerned I want it to look as close to the original artwork as possible, with no scanning artifacts and low res quality- as if we actually had digital versions of Tanaka's original artwork.

Also, this isn't intended to be super high res 4k or anything, idc about that.

Figured I'd make a full post here going over everything I've done so far. I'm on the home stretch! Just a few more left.

⬆ Starting with UI. I replaced the red selection arrow, the red/grey spheres, save block icon, save/load text/bar, Walk/Gear icons (more about that one later), compass cardinal points (was unable to get a proper dump of the circular compass texture), and the dialogue diamond and selection diamond within menus.

I totally get it if someone wouldn't want to use something like the dialogue diamond, as you see it all the time right beside the pixelated text and it seems to stand out more in dialogue vs the one in menuing bc your attention is typically focused elsewhere while menuing. In the end, all changes are optional and to remove something all you have to do is move/delete the equivalent img file from the texture replacement folder. Within said folder I have a sub-folder titled "alternate portraits" where I keep alts and things I want to "disable" without outright deleting.

⬆ In combat UI I've replaced the HP/dmg numbers, the Time/AP/numbers, battle palette text (used for other text as well), the circle and tags of the battle palette, Time/AP/fuel bars, green Gear text and numbers, Gear attack level/♾ indicator, black Gear UI backgrounds, and combo icons. The red arrows have been replaced, but unfortunately the black arrows around the red cannot be replaced based on how the game does it; it is not a texture you can change, it is a triangular shaped box that the game fills with the black texture from behind Gear UI.

⬆ Menu/gameplay buttons. Also numbers/"points/fuel/cancel end" Someone mentioned playing with a switch pro controller or joy-cons so I threw an ABXY version together as an alternate button display option. Used the same typeface as the combo icons to keep some consistency with a typeface already in-use as well as for overall clarity.

⬆ Also, DB icons, EP/Fuel/Miss text, and "total damage". Unfortunately, the other DB icons (showing the △🞪☐ highlighted) cannot be replaced as far as I can tell. The battle UI textures (the 17 or so textures of the same thing in varying hues) shows them on it, but changing them in each one of these textures does not change the icons. It does not pull from these specific texture dumps, in other words; its just one of those that doesn't dump, like the circular compass texture.

⬆ In working on the Walk/Gear icons I wasn't sure exactly how I'd go about doing it because the original is literally just that tiny. So I had the idea of putting a little Fei & Weltall in it, outlined by the same grey. Thought it might be weird in the other party members' menus, idk, and I don't like changing things too much from the original, so I decided to just use Fei/Weltall as the grey silhouettes instead. Ill keep the Fei/Weltall one as an alt option if anyone wants to use it.

⬆ And the minimap. Kept B&W so that the colored dots (indicators of where all you can enter an area) aren't difficult to see. I do have a colored version as an alt, though. Credit to Adelinold for having ripped the 3D maps and made a bird's eye view "minimap" esque screenshot of the world map some years back because it is absolutely perfect for use here.

~~~~~

Now onto portraits, the main bulk of the work. This includes dialogue portraits, menu portraits, and gameplay portraits. I go through each one individually, find the highest quality version of the art, and clean it up manually, painting over it to get rid of any jpg rot, scanning artifacts, or print dots from scans while keeping it as close to the artwork as possible. In order to keep colors consistent across the board (because scans of the artwork can vary) I'm picking from the sprites. One portrait typically takes 2.5+ hours, not including testing them in-game. Each one needs to be tested in-game and edited to make sure semi-transparent pixels around the portraits don't result in black or white pixels in the area that should be transparent.

⬆ Direct comparison to the sprites. I'm not too strict about how I match how much of the art is shown, but in instances like this I like to show more of the character than the pixelated portraits allowed for. However, this wouldn't work for everyone as Fei's default portrait is also used when Kim is naked from the hips up.

For the Captain I specifically wanted to get his pipe within frame. Typically the portraits end just behind their ear, have the eyes at 1/2 to 2/3 height, and end just above the clavicle.

⬆ Some portraits like Kim and Elly have no artwork equivalent, but were pretty basic to make with the artwork of Fei & Elly that we do have.

⬆ Other characters have no artwork equivalent whatsoever, like Stein and Wel-Gear Hammer. For Stein I had to take the collar from Stone's artwork and paint something from scratch using Stein's sprite as reference. This one was more fun to do than I expected because its a special case, entirely different from all of the other portraits. For example, usually the artwork has 4 colors for skin- base color, shadow color, deep shadow color (usually seen directly under the chin, used sparingly), and a highlight color for on the nose or lip. But with Stein his skin had many different colors you could pick from the sprite and no equivalent artwork to limit yourself in how many there actually are. So in trying to get it looking just right it took something like 7 different shades of varying pink, red, and orange. It clearly has more dynamic shading compared to all of the other portraits.

For Wel-Gear Hammer... I did my best given what all I could see was even happening in the sprite.

⬆ I made a close eyed Elly portrait as there is no artwork of it and a bomb collar Fei and Hammer portrait using the bomb collar in Rico's art. Its fun playing around with them when there is no equivalent artwork.

⬆ Made an unsmiling Citan to mirror his unsmiling dialogue sprite vs his smiling menu sprites as well as alt Krelians to better match the expression of his mouth that the sprite has vs the artwork. (sprites are always a bit stretched compared to the artwork, btw. even when you rip them from the disc)

⬆ I'm also working on alternate versions, like a two-eyed Bart I did for fun.

~~~~~

It is finished! 1.0 anyway. Right in time for the North American 25th Anniversary! I just gotta get it uploaded somewhere.

I'll continue to work on the ones that I think still need more work, but for now even the ones that are in rougher shape are passable.

Ill have two versions of the mod- one with stretched and cropped portraits that work in 4:3 (much like the sprite portrait bmps in the base-game that end up looking fine in true 4:3. they kind of end up blurrier due to stretching the artwork) (with Crop Overscan set to None) and another version which isn't stretched or cropped so its as crisp as I could get them, but in order to get them to display the image exactly as they are in-game without squishing you need Crop Overscan set to Static (removes horizontal padding) which makes it just slightly off 4:3. Honestly, to the untrained eye its hard to tell it isn't 4:3. 🤷‍♀️ The only thing you might notice it really affecting would be the animated cutscenes.

I'll make a master post for the mod itself, separate from this. This'll end up being a bit of a time capsule for me.

[tls123]

hi francesca!! i meant to tell u this forever ago omg but !! i finally finished devil venerable and i wanted to thank you for recommending it bc it was such a breath of fresh air <33

i love how it subverts fantasy tropes and how it includes metanarrative elements in a really clever way to accomplish that!! like the way it says things aren't as simple as they seem and how different viewpoints reflect different worlds and then actually DELIVERS is so satisfying y'know? and above all i really appreciated how logical and thought-out both the characters' reasoning and the plot's sequence were, everything felt tied together in terms of cause and effect and that's very rare to see in danmei imo

also the "villain" x right-hand man trope is SO delicious and so well-executed i'm actually amazed bc it could've gone off the rails real fast but the author really took the time to flesh it out and resolve it in a healthy and satisfying way that was tied to the character development of both the MC and ML. even despite the initial power imbalance they were able to stand on equal ground at the end. i even teared up several times bc of how evocative the writing was, especially during the backstories and the confession scene, it was SO GOOD 😭😭

oh and last but not least i LOVE how the female characters are portrayed!! they're smart and cunning in their own ways and it was just SO refreshing. also i found myself giggling several times bc of how fun their dynamic was lmao i just love them so much!! anyways lol i hope u don't mind me dumping all my thoughts on u but this was overall just such an enjoyable read so thank you again!! <33 brb gonna go through your entire devil venerable tag now hehe :3

gaby this is everything i could have hoped for and more, i am always so hesitant about recommending things but devil venerable was just so good (and coming from having read orv earlier in the year the metanarrative elements hit me so hard lmao) i couldn't let it go without saying something

i really can't add anything here, you've said it all. the characters, the plot, the dynamics, the natural evolution of not only the story itself but the relationships between so many of the characters. and it's so fun!! and still, still it knows when to take itself seriously.

there's such brilliant artistry at work in devil venerable, in the way it builds <3 <3

honestly, i am so glad you enjoyed it! unfortunately there's not much in the tag :( but hopefully it'll keep growing 🙏💞

[thejacketscloset]

I have like a million Fic ideas that I'm probably never going to have the time to write for so im gonna start dumping them here! Starting with one of my fav and probably most thought out au so far, COWBOY AUUU (partially inspired by the song "the pale rider" bc I was really in my cowboy brainrot when I was thinking of this au and had a whole playlist dedicated to it)

They meet 3-4 times before Soap actually “catches” ghost in the act as a bounty hunter 

The “Pale Rider” is a faceless outlaw bc he’s never been caught without the skull mask and handkerchief covering all defining features so Soap is told he’ll have to “catch him in the act” if he really wants to find his outlaw (reason for not knowing ghost is the pale rider immediately 

Bro is pinning and can’t go through with it in the end and is invited to join ghost’s posse :} 

First Meeting:

Soap is a fairly successful bounty hunter, making his living bringing outlaws in to the law and traveling around looking for work here and there 

Brought graves in for a bounty and gets attacked by his shadows later

Shadows are a rival gang to Ghost (or the 141 if i want to include them all) 

Ghost only really saves soap by chance because he was in the middle of taking out a shadow camp when he realized they took him captive and (against his better judgement) decides to help Soap and bring him back to his own camp to patch him up 

Soap doesn’t realize Ghost is the bounty he was set out to find when he wakes up and is actively being helped out by him and casually mentions that he’s searching a bounty for him while they’re talking 

Ghost finishes up helping soap with his wounds and sets him off on his way after that, refusing to take any payment soap tries to give him for helping out 

If any1 wants to use this concept to write their own fic feel free! Just link it to me and maybe mention this post as inspo :D

[buckevantommy]

alright i finally managed to get a copy of the ep and i'm watching it on my smallass iphone screen which isn't ideal but i can't wait 3 days to get access to a bigger screen so here we go:

i need to know if that rainbow flare on buck was intentional

i might be looking too hard but that hand grabbing buck's throat and then eddie's junk could be foreshadowing for you know what, i mean who's to say?

oliver deserves a fucking oscar for his nervous smitten buck performance

tommy shaved for their date which is so old school i love it but i also miss the scruff and need to see its return asap

hints of Tommy Backstory, my beloved

the convo about renting out a home with marisol and eddie but including buck is making me think of how buck is possibly being 'rented out' to tommy in the narrative for now but later eddie will be the one to buy

i understand tommy ending their date early but WHAT HAPPENED to him picking up buck from his loft?? and don't tell me he ubered for a first date when we know he drives. although i get not wanting to drink and drive ig

also: tommy was meant to pick up buck at 8pm and now they've finished dinner so wtf is eddie and marisol doing starting their dinner at like 930pm is that an LA thing bc that's insane

'oldest italian restaurant' sign just makes me think of tommy and buck's age gap and i giggle and gasp

buck's reaction to being rejected is breaking my hearrrrt. tommy opened him up to his sexuality and buck was So Excited and now this guy is just dumping him?? who is he supposed to bounce his restless bisexual energy off now??

we're not even 10mins in so i have no idea what the bulk of this ep is gonna be about

oH YEAH THE GAY MOMS pls let them be happy

BUCK COMES OUT TO MADDIE ACCIDENTALLY like a true bisexual disaster

The Guy Thing is very much The Point buck, you sweet thick cinnamom scroll

buck is doubly an ally. he's a bially.

keep talking buck i am cackling you adorable baby bi

insane thing to have eddie post-sex with his nun gf after buck was gushing about tommy

it's okay buck, false starts with difficult convos happen, you'll get there

something something buck intending to come out to eddie and eddie explaining his sex problems all while eddie gets sweaty and swole

LIKE SEAMONKEYS! buck i adore you

buck wishes he could lend eddie a hand but he can't bc he's no homewrecker and bc eddie is quote unquote straight. not bc he himself is taken, bc the hot pilot dumped him and oh now i'm sad again :(

there's some buck+guilt [re:self worth] meta glanced over here that makes me wanna delve into some introspective reads

buck giving good advice is something that can be so personal

hen saving a rescue dog after it attacked the firefighter trying to save it as a parallel to their current foster child situation. it's just good storytelling. the dark stuff is getting hopeful

HANG OUT WITH THE BOYS eddie you don't know how perfect your words are

i really love the way they chose for buck to come out to eddie. trying to do it at a certain time didn't work for him, it was too daunting. but as soon as eddie mistook buck's date with tommy for something platonic? buck doesn't want to hide anymore. it really speaks to the human and especially the queer experience - that need to correct someone's misinterpretation (someone important to buck) of who you are.

GAY TOMMY CONFIRMED

supportive eddie and 'this doesn't change a thing between us'

buck finally getting to talk to his friend about getting dumped by a guy he was really hoping for more with

eddie's turn to give good advice to buck re:his dating life and we come full circle

buck's relief at eddie knowing and accepting him. the double-back for the hug. the comfort is all there.

i want to shower the wardrobe department in love for putting buck in that slutty blue 70s polo for his date within tommy and then the sky blue sweater and now this tight stripey number i am digging the vibes

buck hearing that he didn't screw things up with tommy, tommy just didn't want to pressure him bc the feels are mutual! and buck taking responsibility for his behaviour bc he's mature like that he's a good dude

i love lou but oliver literally glows - and i don't mean from the sunshine - he lights up every scene

the way buck gushed about tommy's confidence to maddie and now he's the confident one reassuring tommy that he wants this and that it won't be weird for tommy i am so proud of him

HOUSTON WE HAVE HAND HOLDING

sad my buddy chim was barely in this ep :(

WEDDING TEASER and we've got a Hangover situation and a missing groom omg

the writers are working their magic and we are reaping the rewards.

[blubushie]

This is gonna sound weird bc we are on the site that has a huge fan base for it bit have you read any of Terry Pratchett's Disworld books/series?

Because if not I feel you'll enjoy them bc there MO is basicly Sir Terry flipping tropes/archetypes on their head while giving damning thought provoking commentary on society but in that same breathe give hopeful encouragement for change/ the future. His word play is also very witty and sticks with you. Some of his older works have blatant prejudice bc you know author bias but he has apologized for such things and worked to learn more about the groups he was prejudice towards and has rectified it the following books related to those older works.

The Witches series and the City Watch series I feel would mesh well with you bc it has its main characters that it sort of centers around be curmudgeons who prove that doing/being good is an action and a discipline.

The Witches series play with the genre of fairy tales and Shakespeare and it's sort of interesting how the Witches series play with that; in the aspect that the Witches in that World are self aware of the tropes. ( The third book of this series plays with it as the Main Character goes off on how they wanted to be one half of a duo trope (like red oni, blue oni) but since the other half of the duo chose that part they resigned themselves to play the remaining part/trope.)

The City Watch is what would happen if the noir genre was dropped kicked into a fantasy world. Here we have our main character introduced with him drunk in the gutter and he is one of the most noble and righteous man in the city and it's bc of that, is way he's drunk and in the gutter. This series deals with if fantasy aspects were real how would it become mundane and off course police corruption/brutality and reform.

I also feel the Mort series would entertain you since it's about Death as a character and in a way slowly becoming humanized. Like he is Death but it's also his job to be Death and on his off time he enjoys other things and is not just doom and gloom. He has family, he likes cats and his horse name is Binky. The Reaper Man even though it's the second book in the Mort series, it's the book that plays with the Western genre and it's the one where Death gets fired from his job. It also has one of my favorite and comforting quotes, '“LORD, WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?”' [To me, maybe bc I'm Mexican, I enjoy when death is not viewed as a horrible thing but as a process of life and as a being that will be your companion when you leave life behind.]

Sorry for the short info dump 😬 😅😅 just thought you might like the series.

I tried to get into it sometime last year at the recommendation of a mate and basically got the reading version of executive dysfunction that I get whenever I try to get into a long-running series, which is to say I started reading Men At Arms (as I like crime novels I figured it was a good place to start, at least to picque my interest in the series as a whole) and just got overwhelmed with the sheer amount of books. There's a reason I never finished the Warriors series and never touched Harry Potter—you kinda lose me past three installments. It's one thing if I'm growing up with them and have time to process the lore (looks at World of Warcraft and their expansions that I can remember Too Much Lore About even far after I've stopped playing the game) but if I'm coming into a long-running series... Well, unfortunately my information retention isn't that good. I don't have time to mull over and learn things before I'm hit with the desire to pick up a new book, which means I don't retain much at all.

It's not that things get confusing, just that they get extremely overwhelming. Choice overload. There's this intense dread of "I am not going to have time to finish these books" and the awareness that I will get bored of them quickly as they won't provide much in the sense of having accomplished something, unlike when I've actually finished a novel or shorter series. This is also a lead reason why I haven't worked on LTBs in a while—the sheer scope of how much I have left to write has burnt me out.

ADHD is a bitch.

[risette-blast]

PERSONA 2 INNOCENT SIN SPOILERS AHEAD! DON'T READ THIS IF YOU'RE REMOTELY INTERESTED IN PLAYING THE GAME AND HAVEN'T BEEN SPOILED ON IT!!

(oh there are also traitor spoilers for P5 in here, but I feel like anyone who has played P2 has also played P5 already lol)

so last night, I finished P2IS. the ending still hurts by the way lol. but i've had a bit of time since then to think about the game in retrospect. so i wrote up a thought dump with sort of my "initial" thoughts on the game on twitter. afterwards, i decided to repost it here but with more detail since i'm not constrained with a character limit the same way I am with twitter (it's still gonna be in bullet points bc I don't really want to structure this like an essay haha)

this game's ending really was brutal. this is the main thing I've commented on ever since finishing the game, but it truly is awful. Maya is stabbed and killed, Lisa can't even heal her with Dia no matter how much she tries. the Earth is destroyed by suddenly stopping its rotation, causing the resultant inertia to instantly kill everything. in the end, it just turns out to be a rigged game between Philemon and Nyarlathotep (god that name is hard to spell lol). and then the entire cast is forced to go back in time and forget their memories with each other and everything to prevent the world from ending again. it's truly a cruel fate for them, I really did want them to have a happy ending so it just really hurts. 😭

a lot of this game's moments hit hard due to how good the OST is. this has honestly gone up to being one of my favorite Persona OSTs, and given how strong its competition has been, that's a noteworthy feat.

the gameplay was ass lol. I can't pretend it was good, it's worse than P1 in some areas which is wild (still liked IS more overall though, 1 has some very questionable mechanics)

now apparently this is specific to the PSP version, but man the menus were so slow. thankfully I was playing on an emulator so I even had this option but I genuinely just sped up the game somewhat frequently just to get through the menus more quickly

it was also probably the easiest Persona game I've ever played. P5R is genuinely harder. i'm not even kidding. I've gone on and on about how easy P5R is (on twitter), but P2IS makes P5R look challenging in comparison.

the characters were great. i didn't think I'd care about them as much as I did. they all had wonderful bonds with each other. personally I felt like yukino was the "weak" link, and like she doesn't have the bonds the other do so it only makes sense. and even then? she has some great moments and is genuinely well written too. I had played P1 before this but yukino wasn't in my party so she essentially disappeared; it's nice to actually get to know her.

that said, I don't rly like how P1 and P2 both kinda hide extra character details behind very optional dialogue that's easy to miss. it's not nearly as bad in IS though bc they get more characterization in the main story, so a lot of the characters in IS resonated with me more on a first playthrough than 1's characters did.

I've heard some people say P2's shadow encounters are better than P4's. I'm not sure I agree with that at least just from IS, but I thought they were pretty competent. I did like that they built up to the shadow encounters throughout the game, it's an interesting approach.

...personally I still like the P4 shadow encounters more overall. I just also really like the way the IS shadow encounters were handled too especially in the context of the story.

the dialogue about personas and masks was really cool. I wish the new Persona games did acknowledge that everyone has multiple masks they put on. the only characters from P3-P5 who really explore this imo (as far as I can remember) are Rise and Akechi, and even then, it's not nearly as substantial as 1/2. Rise's arc is more about her accepting that she can have multiple selves that are all her, and with Akechi, while he has two different masks that represent both the facade he presents to society vs his true nature, it's just a case of facade vs true nature, whereas IS acknowledges that everyone has multiple masks they present to society that form a full self.

I personally wasn't too invested in the romance options, and the game clearly didn't consider them super important either seeing as they barely affect the story or interactions, but I really did like that Jun was presented as a genuine, serious option. also it's not like P3-5 where it's kinda subjective, I feel like Jun just fits the best especially in retrospect.

I now truly understand why newsona's mechanics (calendar, s.links, etc) wouldn't work at all. there's no room in the story for that.

I didn't think the pacing was the best tbh. it feels like not a lot happens at first, then they throw a ton of story at you halfway through the game, then a lot more near the end. it could've been distributed a little better. I hear EP is better with this though.

I do have a few issues with the way the plot was presented. tbh it was just a little absurd lol, and also revealing that the whole story was Philemon vs Nyarlathotep (again, tough name to spell lol) at the very end was kinda mid. maybe I'll like it more with the context of EP. but what really made the story for me was ultimately the characters and their development, not so much the actual events in the plot itself, if that makes sense.

I love the ending theme, kimi no tonari. when you realize that the sumaru city (and a lot of songs in the game) share the same general leitmotif it just makes you sad to hear them in retrospect 😔

[nakanotamu]

Alright so I finished watching a Stardom show and I had a lot of thoughts about it and stuff I wanted to say and normally I would dump this all in my discord server but rn I'd feel weird about spamming this in there bc of brain reasons so tumblr gets it instead. So here are my probably needlessly long thoughts about Stardom's 2023.09.09 5 Star GP show from Korakuen Hall:

Alright so just right off the bat I'll say that this show was pretty packed (~1300 people) and the crowd was very hot and that... did nothing for me. Moments that make me feel very alienated from what is apparently the average wrestling fan, let me tell you. People make such a big deal out of loud active crowds and idk I mostly just found this one annoying. There's something about them being so audibly almost exclusively men that is really not fun. Rossy spent 10 years being so bad at appealing to women that I think it's fair to say it just wasn't a concern of his at any point, and Harada was absolutely gunning for a product in that same vein and it SUCKS. Oh my god it sucks. idk why it bothered me so much on this show, it's not like it's anything new, but it was really getting to me. I'm looking forward to getting to the show from, I think late November, when Kid specifically commented on how many women were there and seeing if it feels any different. Shout out to the one very loud woman who was a huge Komomo stan though, mood.

This show was originally billed as the Generational Struggle Part 3, the culmination of the Generational Struggle stuff from earlier in the Summer, a storyline that nobody ever understood and none of the wrestlers had any interest in, ultimately just completely dropped by the time this show actually happened, really emblematic of Harada's era of booking. I think this show stands out in a similar way, a peak of popularity and hype during a period where the quality was already starting to steeply decline, but before people had really noticed in numbers and before things had really cratered, with the wrestlers still mostly able to cover up the increasingly obvious holes. As such I think it's worth talking about as a shining example of this incredibly weird and bad period for Stardom.

Lady C & Hina vs Miyu Amasaki & Hanako - I like the sort of QQ vs QQ feeling to this match, but iirc it was one of those matches that were frequent at the time that had to be changed at the last minute bc someone was hurt or sick. So idk it was a fine opener though, no strong feelings but like it's the first match it's fine.

Mariah May & Waka Tsukiyama vs Mei Seira & Megan Bayne - Okay I hate to say it but Megan is kind of growing on me. I still think the way they brought her in was all wrong, and trying to push her for singles matches again later was still a mistake, but I do think she found a pretty entertaining niche in these less important tag matches. A lot of it is everyone else figuring out how to play off of her, and I don't really think it's a *good* thing when one wrestler warps an entire match around her every single time like she does, but in a match that's not all that important so there's less to detract from, yeah it's actually pretty fun. I just like seeing Mei Seira get thrown you know? Or when Mariah tries to knock her off the apron and she just doesn't move. It's annoying as hell when it gets her title shots, but in contexts like this, it's a pretty good bit.

Natsupoi & Yuna Mizumori vs Syuri & Saki Kashima - I'll talk more about it later but this whole undercard felt really disposable to me, which is always disappointing, especially given how much character Stardom packed into even their smaller matches before this period. Yunamon was in the middle of her joining CA story (still, somehow) and Poi and Syuri are always entertaining together, and they still are here with some fun spots and stuff, but I just didn't care. Like I said though, broader issues going on during this period so we do know why it was like that and I'll get to it later.

Mayu Iwatani, Koguma, & Momo Kohgo vs Natsuko Tora, Fukigen Death, & Rina - Again, perfectly servicable undercard match that doesn't really have anything fun or interesting going on under the hood, but we know why now so I'm not trying to like, criticize, just saying yeah wow it was bad huh. This was Komomo's second last match before she got injured iirc which is incredibly depressing, I don't think she even tagged in once during this match so she was probably already hurt and I hate it.

Mirai vs Saori Anou - God, okay, this match was kind of the one that made me think about typing up my thoughts about this show. I did not like this match anywhere near as much as I expected to. It just was not clicking for me, like, at all. This felt like a very clear "first time singles match", especially between two wrestlers who I guess don't really know each other outside of wrestling and haven't trained together or anything. There's a reason first time singles matches are rarely actually all that good and I really felt that awkwardness and lack of chemistry here. Mirai and Anou are both good so it was like, fine, but I was really taken out of it and unimpressed after I had assumed this would be really good. I do like Anou winning the white belt, and I do think Mirai's run needed to end bc it was not... working, but man I would not have devoted like Mirai's entire Fall to this feud after watching this match. Shining example of why you should put wrestlers together with people they want to work with and not just whichever names you think sound good against each other.

Hazuki vs Starlight Kid - This match on the other hand totally lived up to expectations. Hazuki and Kid obviously know each other super well and are both freaks, it was great. Brawling through the crowd always gives me kind of, idk, a sort of secondhand embarassment feeling? It just feels wrong my brain doesn't like it but I still appreciated what they were doing with it, with Kid angry and desperate and trying to prove herself more intense and bad than Hazuki. Hazuki always looks amazing getting tortured in submissions, and Kid's whole gameplan being trying to build to the Black Tiger Leg Killer makes sense. I couldn't actually remember who won this so I was even biting on the near falls at the end and liked Hazuki's quick, desperate win. They're both so great and I liked this a lot.

Tam Nakano vs Suzu Suzuki - This was like, the exact opposite of Mirai vs Anou to me. It still had a little bit of that first singles match awkwardness I think, but the amount you would expect given that's what it was, and they both brought enough to compensate for that. Tam really does have the same chemistry with "mini Giulia" as she does with the big sis herself and this match was really great for it. Again exactly opposite to Anou vs Mirai, this match totally would have left me excited for a title match program between these two - which ofc unfortunately never actually happened. I think the booking was incredibly stupid though, because of course it was, but why give Suzu the win over the champ to build to her winning the tournament and... earning a title match she already earned with this match? I guess there is the possibility that as people seem to believe Utami was meant to win and Suzu was an audible when Utami got hurt, which would make some sense booking wise. I still think Utami winning would have been extremely nonsensical from a story standpoint, but all the rest of Harada's booking was disjointed and very obviously ignored story too, so it would be consistent in that way at least. But anyway, I really enjoyed this match.

Giulia vs Maika - Wow, man, I liked this match so so much more than I was expecting to. Idk why it quite feels like this because I haven't skipped any of these shows, but if 2023 was the Maika starmaking year, this was the match where her popularity really felt like it exploded basically overnight. Like she was already liked, but this match out of nowhere was where it was suddenly like, oh my god Maika is SUPER popular, god damn. I think all of Giulia's singles matches have some holes, like, I wouldn't exactly say she is "good" at "selling" even at the best of times, but Maika is really good at compensating for her weaknesses, and most importantly the match really really excels at her strengths, namely intensity and homoeroticism. Given the things I've heard or seen I think this might be the last Giulia singles match I really enjoy, uh, either in her time in Stardom or possibly ever, but still if it does turn out that way for me, what a note to go out on. Really really fantastic, I thought this match was great, even if the story stuff and the booking around it was extremely inconsistent and stop and go with a whole Giulia vs Maika storyline they teased repeatedly and clearly wanted to do and never actually got to. At least they got to do this one.

Which I guess brings me to how weird this period of Stardom was. There have definitely been times I've wondered myself why I'm so dedicated to not skipping anything even when I don't exactly think it's fantastic, but I don't know, I still want to see what it was like, you know? I want to see what the wrestlers cared about even when there was no guarantee at all the booker would pay attention to any of it. There are definitely still good moments, even if there are a lot of bad and a lot of it is disjointed and weird around it. I just want to see it for myself.

I did improv in high school, and I remember after regionals one year we tried to do our regular weekly practice the next week, and it was terrible. Everyone was just creatively tapped and needed to recharge too badly, but we didn't realize that at first, and there was just this feeling of like, "we're doing the same things we always do, why isn't this working?" A lot of stuff from this period gives me the impression that that's how the wrestlers were feeling during this time.

The next show, on September 10th, was Dream Tag Fes, which seems to me to sort of be when this era of Stardom jumped the shark. (And I say that as someone who used to be way too much of a nerd about sitcoms and is extremely specific about what that term means.) The one last truly top to bottom great show for this era of Stardom, amidst some decline already starting to show, before the management issues and terrible schedule would become too much to ignore and they wouldn't be able to reach those heights again. I mean I think they're already on their way back up, I'm glad Harada has already been fired and Rossy being gone too is a bonus, but for this period at least. I might skip some stuff in the future, I know at least the Money Ball Scramble that was a mess where they didn't even run by the wrestlers what was in the boxes for sure, but I don't know, I still worry about missing out on the good stuff too, you know? That's my problem with wrestling, I'm so quick to tell others there's no actual obligation to watch everything, and yet I feel it myself. But even if it was another one that was all over the place, I'm still glad I watched this show.

[gurugirl]

Guru! Angel love!! I've been slowly catching up with your writing and it's so good. I've been way behind but now the project I'm working on is over so I have time to breathe finally. I also subscribed to your patreon because I adore you and what you write.

The Trapper was so sweet. That was such a good story and I've never read anything like it before. I love your brain. Maybe Fate might be the cutest thing I've read. Harry is so hot. Also??? Ex boyfriend's dad? I'm obsessed. So looking forward to seeing the next part.

How has your week been? How is school? I know you said you've been busy with a class. I think you're killing it! Keep up the good work!

I'm also here because I want to vent. My girlfriend and I have been together for three months and two weeks ago I missed one of her texts to me. She needed me to pick her up but I didn't see it because I was with my brother (skipping boring details) and she was so mad at me. I didn't see her text until later that night and at first she was mad and wanted to talk about why I didn't see it and accusing me of things that were just not true.

And I thought we were working it out but now she won't call or text or anything. I'm devastated. I know I should just move on. Her anger toward me was unjustified and the sudden silent treatment is worse than her being made. I don't know what to do. Logically I know what to do. I've been giving her space but now this just feels mean. I'm so sad.

Sorry to dump my issues on you. I just wanted to get it out. It's been very hard on me not knowing why she's not talking to me anymore suddenly. I mean I get the argument we had but I thought we were moving past it and she believed me when I told her what happened.

Hi babe! First of all, thank you so much! This is so nice to hear 🥺 I appreciate your support so so much. The Trapper is one of my faves too 🥺 And I've just been loving writing ex-boyfriend's dad harry! So happy you like them!!

As for your girlfriend being upset with you over something you didn't do? It's possible she has trust issues and this is her problem to get over. It's not yours, even though you are being directly affected by her insecurity.

However, the silent treatment is cruel and manipulative. It's totally fine for someone to need space to think about something but to keep it up is abusive and very damaging to a relationship. It means she isn't mature enough to understand how to communicate issues properly and healthily with you. If she really wants to keep you in her life she'll speak to you about the issue but it sounds like after her bout of anger she may still not believe you and therefore is now stepping away from the relationship bc silent treatment will very very quickly erode your trust as well. I think a lot of people see no harm in such a response but it's used to inflict pain and maybe she's looking for an apology from you which it doesn't sound like you owe her.

Check out this article by PyschCentral to read in lay terms about the affects of being ignored and given the silent treatment. I had this article on hand because I'm finishing up a psychology of communication class and this is a source I used for a paper I wrote a couple weeks ago. There are also links to studies within if you want to take it further.

Babe, we've all been given the silent treatment but for it to go on for this long is very hurtful. Last time this happened to me I recognized what they were doing, gave them many chance to speak with me, and then cut them off before it did more damage to me (I also apologized at one point even though, upon learning why they were giving me the silent treatment, I hadn't done the thing they thought I did - so their manipulation worked on some level). Don't allow your girlfriend to make you feel this way. You need to take care of yourself first. Your mental health comes first. I'd step away and try to move on if I were you. If she comes to you to talk, hear her out but she owes you a massive apology and it sounds like she has a bunch of maturing to do.

Good luck, babe!

xoxo