#i just wanted it to exist atp
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A Blaze in The Dark? What’s happening there?
Ah, my first born.
It was the first fanfic I wrote about Baela x Aemond that I have yet to finish.
I want to go over it and edit and fix what I can before I continue. I haven't found the time yet.
They are still my whole heart, and it basically carries on from episode 8 after Vaemond is killed. Hijinks ensue.
She made her way to the door, opening the door, one blue eye looked down at her, almost concerned.
“My Lord.” She smiled opening the door, looking around to see the darkened halls only illuminated by torches. He rushed passed the into the room before she closed the door.
“I was worried that I would have to consider where else I could find you.” He was dressed in a relaxed matter she had only seen him in once before now, a dark blue tunic and black trousers. A smile adorned his face.
“Where else would you look?” She pondered into a mindless conversation walking about her room aimlessly.
“I hadn’t seen you since,” he paused and blushed, sighing before he continued, she had felt the same effect he had on her in full force.
“, Since the carriage, I spent the rest of the day training.”
“Why was that?”
She questioned him, sitting on her bed while he made his way to a couch.
“I had an idle energy that does me no good. It tends to fester in your company.”
Her self imposed seriousness couldn’t stop her flustered laugh, only stopping when he had added his own.
“Idle thoughts as well, I had to guess when the castle sleeps.” She couldn’t help but smile alongside him with the implication.
“Have you come to a conclusion? When does the castle truly sleep?” She wondered about the night ahead of them, what it would entail.
“Tonight, I’ve landed on midnight.” He stated, playing with his hands, facing her.
“I’d like to train with you sometime.” His gaze met hers, a new thought graced his face.
“Perhaps. Would that be before or after we spoke, my lady?” A glimmer of anticipation slipped from him. This time, he made no effort to conceal it after.
I love writing them. I still love reading about them. I think Hotd them would've been a match to beat. They are also my first hotd ship
#hotd#house of the dragon#baela targaryen#aemond targaryen#a blaze in the dark ff#baela x aemond#aemond x baela#its good i promise#i just need to edit it because that was when i refused to proofread#i just wanted it to exist atp
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Sigh
I can't believe I have to say this
If you know of anyone who's y'know "bad" or anything of the sort and happens to follow me... don't??? tell??? me??
Regardless of the circumstances and actions of the person, I say this with the utmost respect and fear: I don't want to get involved
What people who follow me or don't or have me blocked or muted or whatever do in their free and irl time is not my business
I know not to mess with english-speaking communities' personal affairs now. Like, no offense, but y'all are pretty fucking creepy when it comes to stuff like that, and that's why, again, I don't want to get involved
I have enough problems in the real world currently. Please understand that! 🙏
#im not trying to be mean or anything#im just gonna put it out there#im legit traumatized by the way english speakers and gringo cultured ppl handle these situations#im not even using that word lightly#getting the anon ask that spawned this post into existence made me want to puke and do not very nice things to myself#so please i beg you#dont tell me about it like im supposed to do anything to fix things#I also understand that many people believe larger accounts have a responsibility to get this sort of stuff out there#but im not strong enough for this kinda business#yall scare me way too fucking much atp#ughhh#aneh wont shut up
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cant stop thinkin bout charles and erik readin together on the couch but instead of reading with him charles is listening to eriks thoughts while he reads. Live mind commentary ……..
#xmen#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#snap chats#the rare time i post an idea of mine only because i really cant think of a way id draw this#usually i hoard my ideas cause i like surprising you guys but this aint really one i feel like drawing so. For You my friends#like i COULD but. idk just isnt particularly something im itching to draw it just seems cute#but anyways no chat let me cook alright hear me out cause i talk in my brain all the time while i read#sometimes i stop reading just to think about a bit i read yeah#i want charles to listen in on all of eriks side comments or observations he makes while reading something#like if he wanted to charles could read the whole book in less than five minutes- maybe shorter than that#and that aint fun that aint cool …. so time for Audible: Husband Edition. With Commentary#ITD BE SO COZY just hangin out by the fireplace …. maybe its snowin outisde … if snow even exists anymore atp#a light fire cracklin and the study SEEMS totally quiet otherwise and yet…..#charles has been locked in to erik’s off-the-cuff literary analysis and mild comments for the past twenty minutes. its simple but its bliss#charles doesnt have to worry about being seen as invasive .. he doesnt have to suppress his powers …#the rare occasion erik lets charles into his mind for somethin so innocent .. ive made myself sick i fear#see now i wanna try writing a fic but 1.) have written in years 2.) id have to really think hard on how erik would commentate on a book#hm…… actually i do wonder what erik’s commentary on The Fable of the Bees would be …..#IN ANY CASE. maybe - at the very least- i can draw cherik by the fireplce someday ….#thatd be cute … hm …. depends on if i get in the mood for it down the line#anyways i have to drive back to my dorm !!! boo !!!! so good night everyone !!!!!
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just realized i forgot to make a page for sleight on my artfight, so i decided to update his ref while im at it
#for legal reasons clawronto canyada isnt actually mentioned anywhere in laikas comet and might not even be canon#im just having fun with the furth naming schemes.. and i lived in the GTA myself and i can see him being at home in the elgin#it has like a very fancy vibe but in an aged way yknow...??the kind of thing u imagine when u think of old magic tricks on stage heh#i also wanna get around to finalizing the design for his van bc i have some concepts down for a folding down stage. like a barbie camper#theres a forum called the skoolie where ppl post abt school bus modding to make em into travel campers and im using it for reference#i.. love this guys design so much i want more reasons to draw him for fun lol#my art#myart#oc#my oc#myoc#fur#furry#furry art#laikas comet oc#laikas comet#sleight#reference sheet#oc ref sheet#fan character#? sort of?? atp hes more like a guy who happens to exist on furth than a fan character to me. idk
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that's going the be the first and last time I'm talking about this ship here but how tf can a fandom be so delusional? i mean idc about your ship preferences if you want to ship lokius go with it but why are they acting like this is a canon thing... istg it would be so much easier if they just accepted this ship was never meant to be canon in the first place 😭 and now they're twisting the words of ppl who worked on the show (they've been doing it for +2 years now anyway) to fit their narrative and then get mad when it's later revealed they're wrong
loki and sylvie kissed, he showed and even ""said"" he's in love with her and mobius was the one to acknowledge that and support him.
#anti lokius#i hate this ship sm#the shippers are weirdos#i wish this character never existed in the first place#he's useless af#and has no personality#plus he's ugly#the only reason why this is a thing is bc they desperately want to see loki kissing a white guy#at least yall could pair him with a hot dude instead of a boring jetski salesman played by deadbeat dad owen wilson#atp i think they're worst than larries#and don't even get me started on how they treat sophia di martino#bc the way they treat her is the same way incel men treat brie larson#they're out there sending d*ath threats to this poor woman and her family bc she kissed that yt man#just nasty#sylki#pro sylki#sylvie#loki#just me babbling
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No one:
Me whenever I see yet another blog I respect and admire make/reblog a post on how the lesbian/comphet masterdoc is biphobic/inaccurate:
#lesbian#lesbophobia#comphet#lesbian masterdoc#comphet masterdoc#it's like aww c'mon not you too!#but it's like idk what is with people's obsession with trying to invalidate lesbians' experiences and saying that we are biphobic just for#our relation to the patriarchy#and saying that a tool that has helped many lesbians come to terms with our sexualities must secretly be some evil biphobic scheme#to force bisexual women back into the closet/eliminate and invalidate their attraction to men#i promise you that that is not what we're doing#it feels like they're just trying to say that the comphet masterdoc is wrong and that any lesbian who relates to it is really just bi and i#the closet#and as a lesbian who already suffers from comphet/intrusive thoughts about being sexually involved with men posts like these just make my#comphet go through the roof#they make me wonder even more if maybe my intrusive thoughts are my real feelings and i'm just repressing my attraction to men because the#lesbian masterdoc made me realize i was a lesbian and not attracted to men like i previously thought#and in addition they love to say that the creator of the doc came out as bi when it was only one of the editors of the doc#but ofc people just focus on that because they want so badly to prove that the comphet masterdoc doesn't exist and that it's simply#forcing bi girls to have denial#and then they love to say 'it was written by a bunch of teenagers' as if that invalidates it#or as if teenagers' experiences with comphet aren't real or trustworthy or worth listening to as if we are all simply irrational or naive#like atp people should just say the quiet part out loud that they think every lesbian who struggles with comphet is faking it and that we#are secretly bi and just think we're lesbians because we're traumatized by men but that eventually we will realize that we need a man in#fr it's just saddening#it's especially treacherous when other lesbians make posts like these#like come on now are you for real#i thought we were in this together#anyway that's all i'm done ranting lol
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AAAH I have a mutual who’s 18 and he sorta kinda is flirting with this one guy who is a minor as a joke of course ( to which a concerned anon said that it’s weird ) but I can’t help but flashback to er*s
#granted the er*s situation was thoroughly complex and the reason she did those things was her copism with not being able to pull ( LLLLLLL )#and ik that guy doesn’t mean any harm etc etc he’s not messed up like some ppl#BUT I DUNNO STILL#sobbing#they’re pretty sweet so#hes*#OH AND HES IRAQI TOO I LEGIT COULDNT BELIEVE THAT#dora daily#lowkey kinda sorta sad that a whole anon was more concerned than ppl i knew and who knew my age#and freely saw it happen so readily#and everyone else on that blog#genuinely and utterly disappointed#it’s always protect minors until the minors need protecting goddamn#this is especially directed at rhy yeah I’m not censoring that#🤷♀️#too busy simping over minor characters who don’t have a time skip in canon and aging them up then complaining about it when ppl call out#the brain deadery of that behaviour#girl pls#you did not care about minors from the beginning literally bye#e[redacted] literally ruined my brain chemistry to say the least I will never go into how what she did absolutely muddled my brain never#told anyone and I don’t think I can ever tell someone ever#not to mention practically hyperventilating being unable to breath literally going into madness and ppl think that I’m overreacting and#telling me to shut up about it and blaming me for the situation as if I wanted any of this#lmaolmaolmao#all that and I was expected to do uni girl byeeee I need a good century to recover at least ☠️#the only thing I DID want is friends but clearly that was a hard ask when ppl can get friends just by existing on this god forsaken app#atp I don’t even know what to say literally just wth#yall say mdni with your dumbass banners and decorate it like something special when yall are the ones to keep from minors you disgusting#wastes of clean oxygen 😭 mdni my foot gross ass adults should’ve never trusted them#the way I’d give them therapy to their complex traumas ☠️ imagine relying on a minor for therapy
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WIP Whenever
I started a fic right after 8x01 and have been struggling to write it, but I'm hoping that sharing snippets of it will motivate me!
"Something's got to give. They’re in the exact same position they were three months ago when all of this started, and his parents apparently have no intention to make anything better. In fact, they seem perfectly happy with the way things are, pleased as punch to keep Chris with them, building pools and getting him into clubs and further settling his roots down in Texas instead of even trying to get him home.
It’s driving Eddie crazy, because where’s the line of supporting and respecting his child’s wishes, and abandoning him to his grandparents?"
#911 abc#buddie#eddie diaz#evan buckley#buck x eddie#christopher diaz#this is of course a buddie fic lol#buddie fanfic#takes place directly after that mf birthday party#part of the struggle is that Tommy is bone now & I want to just forget that he ever existed in the first place#BUT I can't really bc they were still together atp. do you see my struggle?#Diaz parent bashing as a treat bc I *hate them* 🥰
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tbh i am past enjoying st*ddie in just about any capacity when i have to see it against my will in literally every tag that isnt for a popular white boy
#why do they tag literally the most background appearances of ships +characters#why do they bait with another ship before making it st*ddie#ronance and jargyle shippers want answers#just also. why does every character's existence and their content need to revolve around getting those two together#i dont hate the ship atp im just deeply resentful and just dont want to see it lmao#like it was fun at first but GOD i just want to use tumblr and ao3 without it being aggressively over/mistagged#anti steddie#sure tagging that#in which i talk abt things
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every year or so i take a peek into what’s going on in kpop and every year i understand less
#anyway to the point what the FUCK is going on with blackpink#they all left ygent and are under different agencies but still under ygent as a group???#girl just disband atp#like i’m sawry but you haven’t made anything new in 2 years#which. god bless. but at the same time#does that not feel like a waste of time to you or do you just want the royalties of your existing songs so badly#but yeah outsider’s (who was once an insider) perspective this is a fitting end#whole group been MESSY as hell since debut like the irregular release schedules and lack of music was a premonition#and they really said fuck making a different sounding lead single for FIVE YEARS (excluding lovesick girls)#rip blackpink 14 year old me loved you#kpop#blackpink#ironic how i saw a little 10 year old girl singing kill this love like four days ago#does she know#she probably does tbh these kids don’t be looking at nothing but their phones#i can’t speak i was the same only i wasn’t on tiktok i was on wattpad and played fruit ninja like it was my religion#you wouldn’t last an hour etc etc
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idk whats going on in those debates i just logged on to say its still getting worse
#idk anything atp ive just lost faith#with myself and everyone else#i want to be seen and heard in a world that i just dont exist in. it was always going to lead to this it was always gonna end up like this#if i had paid any attention i wouldve seen it all coming
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venting so much i ran out of tags lmao
#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision#im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful#life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy#oop very emo thoughts incoming#life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing#im just. struggling very hard this year. idk#i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it#and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh#idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and#all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety#and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been#bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long#but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore#idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days#ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk#a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no#like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life#its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma#and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them#like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please#please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room#i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic#i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle#(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken
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Watching something that's just come out and despondently checking the ao3 page for some ultra specific pairing to no avail
#its not even like i want smth to be a big ship or anything#just wanna know theres other freaks out there thinking the same as me </3#forever cursed to long for the time when a show had come out and the first fic on its page perfectly appealed to me#also tho i think its worse probably when smth has been out for a while and that fic youre hoping for still doesnt exist#its a lost cause atp#but now irs like. prime stalking time#cursed to: not like it enough to make anything myself but like it enough that im curious if other people like it#there should just be a ship forum when stuff comes out where we throw around different pairings#I JUST WANNA KNOW#catie.rambling.txt
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Top 5 favourite Vernon eras?
ask me my top five anything !
( @ikigaisvt asked me the same thing [ wondering about your top five vernon era 🤲-sammy <3 ] whehjgrghsdjg i love u guys. i am smushing these together just so i don't post the same thing twice <33 ) ( all of this is retroactive becauseee fml was my first svt cb so i wasn't around for any of these but i have consumed an ungodly amount of content so i can reasonably confidently make this decision )
FEAR.
home;run
don't wanna cry (look. blond vernon can just be so deeply personal, okay)
black eye
hot
#💌 - mailbox.#💌 - ask games.#❤️🔥 - moots.#hi rj<3#hi sammy<3#THIS WAS ACTUALLY WAY HARDER THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE.#ready to love era vernon is sooooo up there with all these. so is rock with you. if i could've said all of the eras. i would've.#fuck#whehgfdgf i am so very in love with him#nobody asked by dwc is especially personal bc i watched their killing voice VERY early on into listening to their music#i mean literally within the first like. week. lmao because i wanted to get a feel for their title tracks and bigger songs ig. but anyway#atp i had just barely gotten their names straight and i did not even nearly have their voices figured out yet.#so when they started dwc and i realised it was vernon singing that first part?? OOF. y'all i fucking WHIMPERED. OUT LOUD.#(ok so basically my bestie who is also a dolly introduced me to svt JUST as the black eye promos were dropping)#(and bc of that like. i knew vernon existed. i thought he was cute as hell and i knew he was a rapper and that he had a song coming out)#(but i didn't really know a lot about him beyond that? i was told he was in the hiphop team and thought 'neat. sounds like my type of guy')#so KV was the first time i was like oh FUCK this guy??? can SING???????? like S I N G?????? it felt like being hit with a slab of concrete#so then i ended up watching the mv eight thousand times and all of the live performances and descended into madness very very quickly#aaaaaaand there's a bunch of messily presented context for anyone who was interested lmao thank u for listening BYE<3
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day number 5 million of me trying to finish this project (i am losing all my creativity and my art block is coming back)
#atp im just doing studies this isnt even art like#i couldve easily done a collage with images that already exist but i wanted to draw out all my hobies 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄#this is taking me 55 billion years to finish. wish i could've done this in a week or smth. but im always sleepy
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.
#plagued by thoughts and emotions.#man lmao I’ve bitched out So many times this week from reaching out to people. idk. it’s been so long that I just feel like I’m#not important enough to justify it. & I did manage a bit w one person but also ended up#retreating there too bc I just got the sense I made it awkward somehow#so yknow. really great stuff on my end hdjfk#idk idk I’m starved for meaningful social interaction I’m starved for literally anyone taking interest in me atp#it’s such a roller coaster I hype myself up > doesn’t work out > crash hard & I don’t like it. it’s exhausting! it’s really fucking sad too#I’m so tired of my own company & talking to myself all the time. I’ve heard everything I have to say already there’s only so much I can do#I don’t even know what else to say lmao I feel like I don’t really exist anymore outside of my own head#I feel like I can’t get anyone to just djjfjf care about anything I have to say no matter what?#I’m not enough my art isn’t enough whatever it was a few years ago isn’t there anymore.#and I want it to be genuine I don’t want it to be out of pity bc all that does is honestly get my hopes up a bit but it can’t/wont last#I say that for everyone’s benefit too like djjfjf I don’t want to be annoying any more than other people want to be annoyed#anyway I’m going to try to shake this off a bit bc I can’t do anything right now#and I’m not even sure I’d be in the right headspace to have a conversation without decompressing first
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