#i just want to stab my fucking heart out i dont want it anymore

[soupblr]

idek what to say anymore the pain is just relentless and i still don't understand. There is no way i could explain it to you because you literally don't understand. i'm still stuck between that and you being some kind of fcking monster that did this on purpose. it's so cruel i literally cannot understand it any other way sometimes. there is just so much like what the fuck. why did i stay after you outed me as a sex worker to your mother? why did i stay with the entire sexual situation?? like i forgot to add earlier on that other post how you asked me to help you pick out condoms to use with him. while that entire situation was going on. what the actual fuck? like do you hate me? i don't understand. you have put me through so much pain and treated me like your last thought for so long. i don't think you actually want polyam i think you just want people to put up with your bullshit. like what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. i wish i saw it sooner because it feels like my heart is literally crushed flat. why the fuck did you do that to me? how can you not see that? how can you treat someone like that? i want to fucking die

[lovecrazedpup]

i dont want to sleep

[bitterbutblue]

What if i request Robin x Fem!Reader where Robin felt a bit pressured from the media and as her beloved girlfriend you help her relief stress :33

It can be fluff or smut, i dont rlly care i just want more Robinnn content :333

Thank you in advance!!!

Also can i be 🍷 anon? :3

you're not bad, but rather good ☆ robin x fem!reader

~ omg hi!!!! ur my first anon this is so exciting.... i don't do smut but i can totally do fluff.. anything 4 u <3

gonna start naming out the song lyrics i've been using as titles

loveable ~ jo yuri <3 ~

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

Robin's recent comeback- a miserable failure.

Robin's new EP 'Welcome To My World' has been nothing but a colossal failure. With each new album, Robin continues to disappoint- fans are sick of her low effort songs and lack of stage presence. Her comeback stage shows her clearly lack of passion. Just because she has made a name for herself does not mean she can now slack off on stage when fans pay thousands to see her-

You closed the article before you finished reading it. If you continued, you probably would've ended up throwing your phone across the room or do something along the lines of that sort of stupidity that you would end up regretting later. That article was like a knife through the heart for Robin but for you it was a knife through the author's decaying and bleeding out body as you stab that fucker over and over again. Okay, maybe that was too violent but fuck you can't stand to see people say such bullshit about your girlfriend. She called you at work, crying and saying she couldn't do it anymore. You could barely make out her words through her sobs and the bad signal (which led you to believe she was hiding in the bathroom).

"I worked so hard, I don't know what they want from me. I can't-"

"Robin, baby, deep breaths- okay? I'm right here, it's okay."

It infuriates you, how people can run their mouths and say whatever bullshit that comes to their mind just because they're not satisfied with their own miserable lives. Just because they feel like dragging someone down would perhaps make themselves feel better about the fact that someone half their age is more successful than they will ever be. You want to tell her that you'll fucking find them and make their life a living hell but that's definitely not what she wants to hear right now.

"What do they want from me? I'm so tired, I don't wanna do this anymore."

All you really could do was continue to comfort her, hoping that she can pick up what you're saying through the static and cut offs due to bad internet. You just stayed with her until her cries became sniffles and she stated that she has to go before they suspect anything. You swallowed back your worry and just nodded.

"Okay. I love you, Robin.

You can feel her smile from across the phone.

"I love you."

That night you spent the entire evening in the kitchen, prancing around and trying not to burn the eight things you have going on the stove as you flip through your phone to find that recipe for the thing in the oven that looks horrifically bad.

"Ah fuck..."

You check the time- 8:03, she should be back soon. You finally find the recipe page and you feel your heart drop. Fuck, you were supposed to bake it for 30 minutes- not 50! No wonder that shit looked so wrong! You scramble to pull it out of the oven, the timer with 5 minutes left. You groan when you see how it looks- first it looked wrong and now it was probably burnt too. So much for making your girlfriend's favourite dessert.

"Love?"

The soft voice startles you, yelping as you dropped the cake pan.

"Shit!"

Robin stands there in all her glory. She looks exhausted, eye bags worse than before and shoulders sagged but to you she was still the most beautiful woman you have ever laid your eyes on.

"Everything okay?"

She tries to smile at you but it looks so forced. You feel your heart clenching in your chest as you pick up the cake pan from the ground, moving it back onto the counter.

"Baby, just let me take care of you tonight?"

You pull her in close, hugging her tight. She freezes at first, before completely melting in your grasp. She lets out a shaky sigh as she buries her head in the crook of your neck.

"I missed you."

Her voice is muffled against your shoulder but you just smile as you tiptoe to press a kiss to her forehead.

"I missed you so much, baby." You pull away, cupping her face with your hands as you brush your thumb against her cheek. "You look beautiful."

"Don't lie."

She gets flustered so easily, face turning pink as she looks away but she can't stop the small smile from forming on her face.

"I'm not. You look beautiful."

She sighs as she looks back at you, and the tired expression on your usual warm and happy girlfriend really does hurt you. The way the media can tear people down into nothing but the most insecure parts of themselves has always rubbed the wrong way with you but watching it happen to the one you love most is absolutely heartbreaking.

"I made you dinner?"

"I saw."

Her smile is not as forced now as she looks around the kitchen, a soft giggle escaping her lips.

"Quite a mess you made."

You just shoot an embarrassed grin at her as you tried to hide the cake pan behind your back.

"Well, I'm not a good cook."

"I think you did amazing."

She steps forward, caging you between the counter and herself.

"You make the worst days brighter, you know?"

"You make each of my days better. It's only fair I do the same to you."

Robin looks down, playing with her hands.

"I don't deserve you."

"Oh shut up."

The kiss was soft, gentle and loving. She cups your cheeks as she steps closer, bodies pressed against each other as you pour all the love you can convey through a simple act.

"I love you. I really love you so much, Robin." You say breathlessly to her when you pull away. She doesn't say much, only resting her head on your shoulder as she takes your hand into her own, lacing your fingers together.

"And I'm so proud of you for your new comeback. You've worked so hard and it paid off. You keep outdoing yourself and the people who don't see that can fuck off and die."

She sighs.

"No need for the violence, yeah?"

"Violence is always the answer."

You feel your heart flutter when she lets out a soft laugh, like a songbird's first melody of a new spring.

"You do whatever you want." She says, resting a hand on your chest as she leans in to press a quick but soft kiss to your lips. "Thank you- for this."

"Always."

The food you cooked was mostly inedible- resorting to the two of you ordering takeout together but you couldn't care less about the burnt cakes or undercooked mac and cheese. Robin is smiling again, and that's all you wanted to achieve for the night.

Response to: Robin's recent comeback- a miserable failure.

Robinsdog: op do u not have a life

servallandau_official: No one thinks this.

⤷ talesofthewinterlandsfan222: serval spitting facts but also what r u diong here

⤷ servallandau_official: Do I know you?

⤷ talesofthewinterlandsfan222: ENEVRMIND

march4robin: im giong to find u my entire crew is oing to find u we will run out train into u

galaticstelleballer: i am also going to run my train into u. and my bat. both at the same time.

⤷ dh: Guys please.

Sunday_Oakfamily: We are taking this post and the writer off the platform.

The article you are searching for no longer exists.

[dr-spectre]

Im gonna say it. I dont care if I get roasted on a stake for this.

Spicy Calamari Inkantation is the worst Calamari Inkantation.

Yeah. Yeah I fucking said it.

(When I say worst I dont mean bad btw. It's just that compared to the other versions, it's the weakest in my eyes.)

The original Calamari Inkantation had that techno trance edge to it and had phenomenonal instruments used. It felt like you were being put into a trance and it worked perfectly well for the lore of that song.

3Mix feels heart pounding and chaotic. Which makes sense considering that both Deep Cut and DJ Octavio helped with the track. It has these human sounding background vocals too which ties into Alterna and it's focus on the last remains of humanity. Shiver yells her lungs off, like come on it rocks dude.

Rainbow Colour Inkantation sounds like someone stabbed me with 10 shots of adrenaline and I mean that in the best way possible.

But Spicy? I don't know man... for a song that's meant to celebrate the Squid Sisters reuniting... it kinda doesn't go as hard as it should? In both vocals and the song itself. Like before Spicy we got Tidal Rush and the VAs clearly put a lot more of their all into that track. Callie sounds so damn upset and pissed. She sounds so out of breath and done with Marie. Those damn "LAH! LAH!" WITH THE TRUMPET STINGS OH MY GODDDDDD!!! Someone send her to therapy dude she has some baggage to get out. Marie sounds like she's gonna break down crying at any moment because she just wants her bubbly cousin back and doesn't wanna fight anymore. Oh my god dude....

And then you get spicy calamari inkantation and only the intro gives me some sort of emotional response and the little nods to City of Colour. That's it.

Plus the song gives me bad memories of the shit people say about Callie in Splatoon 2 and like, I rather not think about that. I rather be able to at least tolerate Splatoon 2's hero mode.

Anyways, if you like spicy calamari inkantation that's okay, honestly I'm glad you love the song. But compared to the other versions it's the one I listen to the least.

[keirawantstocry]

OKAY HI IT ME 💋NON IVE BEEN HAVING THOUGHTS. sorry if this is kinda, incomprehensible, i just had Thoughts and they Had to Come Out

okay so, this has been brewing for a while but, you wrote the thing about them taking his heart and i Could Not hold it back anymore. So. Affectionate canibalism. Technically its when someone eats part of a loved ones dead body. BUT this came into fruition before tubbo died. The original thought was more like, Tubbo insecure, fitpac dont really have any idea how to help this until Pac goes "well, you could always eat part of us. We respawn so itd be fine" and like. The trust of letting someone else Consume part of you (that feels like something Pac would suggest because, yanno). While I am p attached to the all consuming trust of "have part of me", with all thats happened lore wise recently, go wild.

hope youre having a good day :>

saw cannibalism. blacked out. read the rest of it. blacked out. hnggghhh 

soft kisses arent enough for this. violently making out with you now 

TW for cannibalism and gore

"People lie," Tubbo's voice cracked on the last word as tears threatened to spill out. "Words don't mean anything. You can say time and time again that you won't leave me but it doesn't, God, it doesn't fucking mean anything." 

Fit and Pac were both silent. 

"You need action," Pac said slowly and despite the tension and vulnerability Tubbo laughed, tinged with dark humor. 

"Not sure now is the time to try and get in my pants." 

"Not that kind of action," Fit snapped, with no bite in his voice. 

Tubbo sniffed, trying to ignore the tears rolling down his surely bright red cheeks. "What then?" 

"You could eat us," Pac said quietly. 

Tubbo laughed, drily and a little bit wild. "Thought you didn't mean that kind of action." 

"I didn’t." Pac said, looking up to make eye contact. "Let me prove how I will never leave you. Eat some of me, yeah? Cellbit can certainly vouch that I'm delicious." 

Tubbo's eyes dropped to Pac's thighs without thinking. He was wearing pants that fell to his ankles so he couldn’t see anything but in his mind he could. The pale flesh lined with veins and curved with muscle. 

Tubbo felt dizzy. 

"Okay," he said very clearly, hearing his own voice as if he was outside of his body, just a surveyor. 

Pac perked up. "I can have everything prepared by tonight, sounds good?" 

Tubbo was nodding. "Yeah." 

"Perfect." 

-

The knife shone with Pac's blood, the man's face twisted up as he panted. Fit was holding him, holding his hands as Tubbo kneeled between his legs with the knife in his hands. The blood was trailing down his thigh in thick streaks and Tubbo was fascinated by it. He felt like a businessman at a steakhouse being presented with the house's finest meal. 

He stabbed the flesh through, lifting it off leaving a bloody mess behind. Almost hesitantly he raised the slice of flesh to his mouth and took a bite while making direct eye contact with Pac. 

Pac looked a mess and not just from the cut on his thigh. Part of him really wanted to make a joke about how Pac seemed to almost be getting off on it but it felt too sensitive, too personal so he shoved it down. 

The flesh was strange tasting but not bad. But it was more than that. More than just flesh sliding down his throat. It was the fact that it was Pac's flesh, Pac's eyes on him as he swallowed. Fit's eyes on him as well, watching the bop of his throat with dark eyes. 

Fit wasn't doing a damn thing. Just letting Tubbo chew on the flesh and swallow it down piece by piece. The trust was addictive. The trust felt like love. The trust felt like nothing he had ever tasted before like the blood on his lips. The trust tasted like the action that finally tipped the scales that dropped his right in their loving arms. 

They would never leave. 

[goldendunite]

Location: The Execution Tower

....

... Dunite?

..... Odette?! Wh- what are you-

No, shh, I am just here to talk to you....

..... you shouldn't. You're gonna get in trouble.

If Hexe was so adamant to keep me away, she would have made certain of it. Here.... I brought you cake.

..

..

..

.... it's delicious.

It would certainly be more delicious if you made it.. you never did quite lose your baking abilities.

..... I can't eat anymore, 'm sorry... I feel like I'm gonna fucking puke....

Did... did I add too much sugar by mistake?

No, not that... you could actually do with more I think. But no, just.... everything.

..... you're scared.

'Dette, you'd be terrified too if you were about to get fucking executed and kicked into the void forever. Icia spent 5 years there, she tells me. She says it feels like nothing but falling. I don't wanna be falling!!

.... Dunite....

No, don't fucking "Dunite" me, there's NOTHING you can do for me! I'm going to die! I'm going to get beheaded or stabbed or SOMETHING! IM GONNA BE IN THE VOID, ALL ALONE, 'N I WONT HAVE YOU OR AOKI OR ICIA OR SAMMY OR AOKI-

.....

.... I said him twice, didn't I..? *sob* ... why.... whywhywhywhywhy did the cosmos align in such a way....

Dunite, come here...

... 'm sorry. Y'didnt deserve that.

.. well, you don't deserve to be in this situation either... so let's declare it even, hm?

........

.... you miss him. Or both of them.?

.... well yeah, I miss both.... but. He's just...... I miss him in a different way.

..... in a love way?

..... I don't know?! I think?! He's so cute and his smile and he's so sweet and cute and....

.... and I dunno if I'll ever get to see it again. He's an AI, didja know....?

... you fell for an AI?

I DONT KNOW, I THINK SO?! I mean- I fucking HATE AI and you KNOW this! But... he's so nice and acts so human and....

... am I gonna get my heart broken?

..... I.... I do not have an answer, Dunite.

....

....

.... do you know when they're doing it?

.... 8 PM. Tomorrow.

So it gets to be dark outside.... maybe there'll be stars?

No. She is making it bright and sunny.

Oh of fucking COURSE she is. Bet this day is a great JOY to EVERYONE in the kingdom. Flynn's right, no one wants me here... 'xcept you and Sammy.

.....

.... I really wish I went with Icia. Stupid, stupid Dunite....

Hey, please stop hitting yourself- It does you no good.!

What else can I do..? I'm going to die. I can't beat myself up over my stupidity one more time?

Absolutely not.

.......

....

.... when i.... I die, guard all my stuffed animals. Especially the Deedees.

With my life.

.... do you think she'll let me hold the first Deedee? Or the bunny Aoki gave me?

I have high doubts.

Shit...... okay....

..... but...

Wh- how did you get into my room for this?!

.. well apparently the enchanted music book you gifted me once had a spell for phasing through walls, by adjusting my own body's frequency... much less complex than first glance, given.. well... me. Is this the right bunny?

... y-yeah.... 's the bunny Aoki gave me. Hehe.... it still smells like him.

He smells like rain...?

Mhm.

My dear Dunite, you truly do love him... it's a beautiful thing to truly love like that. Even if it is forbidden.

.....

.... do you... do you think they'll be there? Icia and Aoki? She'll make them be there? Because of... them having visited?

......... she may.

.... if that happens, try and make sure they don't see. I... I don't want 'em to watch me die.

I will do my best, Dunite. It's all going to be okay.

..... yeah. It'll be okay. I just wish he was here.

Did he see Slynn hit you?

I hope not.... it broke my wood. I... I think he was weakening me for the execution.

I can see it.... the peridot's chipping out.

Mhm..... I'm sleepy. What... what time did you say again?

8 PM.

.... 'Kay. Thanks Odette....

.....

.... I'll miss you when I'm gone.

.... I-.... I'll miss you too, Dunite. Both Sammy and I will very, very much.

8 PM EST, tomorrow.

We shall await your arrival.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

EPISODE 4 (starting here because there wasn't a whole lot of background info in 1-3 because they were still just getting used to playing their characters!! this is the end of harttawa arc):

- if dakota had succeeded the roll to stop vyncent from stabbing wavelength, he wouldve taken the damage from grabbing the blade and stopped it and they wouldnt have had to make the choice between who to save!

- charlie was NOT planning on revealing the wisp form that early but he was too emotionally invested in beano and wanted to protect him (which made choosing him to die later was REALLY hard)

- "william has a very complicated realtionship with death" << im just gonna leave you that quote. putting it on ur doorstep like a cat with a dead bird

- bizly had two separate plans for how the session would go based entirely on whether or not they befriended beano (which!!! they have another little oneshot series on the patreon called what if where they will go back and play non canon sessions of different like. alternate routes. and they did one where this happened :])

- charlie coming up with the idea for william and discussing him with bizly was supposedly the first time in his life he had ever pulled an all nighter (which? is insane). because they just kept throwing ideas back and forth and talking about scooby doo and danny phantom (!!!) and they ended up actually playing out a little bit of his backstory in character

- there was a little retconned bit about william where a few strands of his hair turn white every time he uses his wisp form. which. hello trimax vash. what if i went insane. this is supposedly "not canon anymore" but its something i hold in my heart so dearly

- wavelength was supposed to be so much tougher and scarier but bizly rolled so bad for him: "he was supposed to be COOL he was supposed to be SCARY. HE SUCKED HE DIDNT HIT YOU ONCE."

- tide showing up at the end was supposed to serve as a reference to show just how much more powerful Actual Superheros are than these kids. bizly specifically had tide use his powers a lot more obviously and frequently during that scene than would be normal for him *specifically* so that theyd be like "oh fuck" and it worked :]

- they levelled up bc its the end of an arc!! theyre now power level 6 (i think. i dont actually remember. they might only be at 5 at this point) !!!

IM GONNA ANSWER EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE <3 awww charlie got attached to beano enough to reveal william's wisp form early. dude. honestly i would have done the same <3 beano i miss u

william has a very complicated relationship with death. 🧍 what could this mean. i mean i KNOW he's got a complicated relationship with death but I DON'T KNOW THE FULL EXTENT OF IT I THINK.

i understand why wiwi is ur favourite guy. that is danny phantom in a different font. AND he's got a white streak in his hair (idc if they retconned it to be noncanon it's canon 2 ME!!!!!) like this is literally mac ghostiezone core. william wisp is ur kind of fucking character. fork found in kitchen

MARK CANONICALLY AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING LOSER BECAUSE BIZLY ROLELD SO BAD FOR HIM <3 CRINGEFAIL DAD <3 HE ABSOLUTELY SUCKS <3 and tide showing up at the end like an angry father i love him so much. the single mother of all time <3

[burning-sol]

SPOILER WARNING FOR EVERYTHING YEAH

rumi - lived several consecutive lives of tragedy trying to shield themselves from terrible trauma by taking on new identities, coming to the point they lost track of who they really were, they became rumi after acquiring the holy blade which was used as a way for zuen to feed rumi visions that enforced the identity zuen wanted them to have and rumi spends the campaign becoming disillusioned with said identity and in the end becomes elena <- and this is very much a summary but rest assured rumi is very identity fucked

exandroth - eldritch angel who i headcanon was influenced by zuen to become a bloodthirsty retribution seeking guy, has a very wounded ego and took that out on peter, over the campaign picks up human traits and is less bloodthirsty, BUT THEN GETS STABBED and starts wanting to possess rumi and acts like rumi probably wants to be rumi, but then you find out that exandroth has a peter form like WHAT THE FUCK did she start being that when possessing peter does exandroth even consider itself an angel anymore, and it actually IS an angel which exandroth literally got (as far as we know) all the rest of her kind killed, so he's very much an outlier, also gave up maybe its literal heart or like symbolically its heart or like some sort of essence probably to make the robots who did the killing, you know i like to imagine that exandrothwas given a robot heart in return like yeah robotic angel now

thanatos - a guy who's soul was put in a robot who then became a murder robot guy, who was then abducted by the royal family and made to believe he wasnt a murder robot guy, but then he remembered he WAS a murder robot guy, and he killed his adoptive dad and left to go on the robot murder mission he was given but then learnt to be more than just a murder robot, also he meets tristan who also made him who is like "you should totally just blow up the world" like he put than in thanatos' coding, also exandroth who was his bro also turned out to be his mom???? hey . oh also he's the last murder robot out of all the murder robots that all looked exactly like him.

rolan deep - so rolan was a kid that died and then rolan deep the bug came out of it who still had the memories of original rolan who carried out school life and left the hive that had been starting so the hive was like "lol wait we sorta needed him" so rolan goes off and probably utterly dosnt like himself becomes an alcoholic and drinks so much than he literally is built different, then he comes back to galloway and starts the bug apocalypse and doesnt know he's a bug but finds out and its like oh shit!! but thne hes like nah i think im still a guy and then like helps blow up the hive you know how it is.

roachel rant - aka the hive queen who first assimilated rachel into the hive and we dont really have a gague for how much rachel influenced her but it's my headcanon that the entire concept of a human collective whatever was pulled from rachel and informed how the hive would end up being structured and that roachel rant actually shares a lot with rachel rand like the hive queen and rachel rand become roachel rant something new that is sort of both of them but neither of them and roachel rant isnt even evil but like misguided after having to rationalise human concepts when she's actually a bug alien, do you think they were even bugs or did rachel make them take the form of bugs maybe rachel had a bug interest after all they ARE imposter things what if they were never bugs at all and that was all rachel's influence

gillion tidestrider - he was given up as a baby to the elders and trained to be a weapon with barely any exposure if at all to the outside, was only visited by his sister edyn who gave him pretzel and even she would slowly be unable to visit gillion, gillion's whole identity before development revolved around trying to be the chosen one BUT ALSO always failed to BE the chosen one, and gillion developed a very black and white view of morality which directly led to him going to stab jay's dad which led to him getting banished by the ones who informed his identity to that points and instilled those values

william wisp - he DIED. oh yeah and he thought there was an afterlife but there wasnt so he's had to deal with that. also he's dead. btw he is so morally grey he's not far from being a villain his recent stuff has been dark. did i mention he died. dont worry she got revived by dakota's heart and also got tits (thats definitely canon) but also she is definitely not far from dying again it will most definitely happen. did i mention she died.

the greats - yeah so these are five girlies that got put into a catboys body and sort of maladapted to vyncent idk but also they nearly fucking died being stuck in vyncent's body and then they went home and they got pulled out of vyncents body and im not sure if they're even alive because they looked very nearly dead can someone fact check this

ryan selecruh - aka jyan the name that he has because he has to have it to be in the j-crew and he says this "are you saying that my defence mechanism where i put on a different personality around every single person i know is a self destructive behaviour, and that im ruining my life and eventually i will implode with all these personalities and i will lose who i am truly inside"

jebediah lightbringer - LITERALLY SPENDS LIKE THE ENTIRE CAMPAIGN BEING AN UNRELIABLE NARRATOR JEBEDIAH DOESNT EVEN REMEMBER HOW HE BECAME BLIND??????

if you read through all of this ty u are so cool thanks for hearing my rant abt my blorbos

[selamat-linting]

last night, a little homestuck before bed and :

-i dont think i can maintain the facade of composure or coherence anymore. this is five seconds before john find several people brutally slaughtered, including his own dad, and he himself get stabbed to death. look at him! look at how silly this child is. my zillyhoo son, its unfair theyre piling up all this shit to you.

-i get why rose went grimdark tbh. things are pretty bad out there. it fucks me up that she's like, taking over the suicide mission. and how awful it is that she'd gone off the deep end that she looked at her parents dead body and only think of killing. something i noticed between the two light players is that theyre always burdening themselves with the hard, difficult tasks alone even though the team wanted it to be done as a group effort. its commendable but not always a good thing.

-its pretty funny that the kids with shitty guardians' have a wildly contrasting reactions to their dead parents like

dave, at the beginning of story : my bro is the coolest guy ever

dave now : huh. he's dead. okay. time to use the sword lodged in his chest as a trampoline! sweet loot. i love not getting knifed in my apartment

rose, at the beginning of the story : my loathsome mother and her penchant for the devil's drink!!!!!

rose, now : i should've looked out for her *activates rage mode*

i mean, i suppose thats appropriate but. you know how it is. poor kids, they've been through a lot. did they even have a warm meal lately? also i think bro is kinda handsome and i understand his fascination with puppets. i too, read a tentacle dick spamton fic as a lark and becomes genuinely intrigued with it.

-i am in love, in love! with the format of clicking to a collage of pictures. There was just so much Shit going on and the banner have doc scratch home being burned down and snowman making out after smoking a bloodied pipe. and then jade hunting frogs with dave. it would have been adorable to see these kids finally meeting each other for the first time if the world wasnt going to do a hard reset.

-fuck it. an AU. kids being kids. no sburb no tragedy. theyre just online friends. jade's grandpa is alive, he took jade into civilization often so she's not undersocialized and knows how to function if she wants to live a normal life. and as a birthday gift he took all of her friends to the island as a surprise for her 13th birthday. they spend the day catching frogs and playing paintball. and then at night, rose and jade urge everyone to try lucid dreaming. none of them made it because theyre all too busy making fun of john's movie selection. dave is beatboxing over squiddles music. and then right in the middle of their playing, a ship crash landed to the island. it was the trolls.

-uhhghgghghhh i need to see. an animatic. of jade and dave's fight. with bec noir. look at all the moves theyre making it would have been one hell of a fight and we were robbed of a proper flash with boisterous music! space time vs omnipotence lets fucking go!

-speaking of vriska, wow she really is giving her all in these pages. her last stand with jack. the enemy she took part in creating. she knew she was going to die and done her best asking out literally everyone alive. and the best/worst thing is, everyone accepts. terezi literally came to her with all the rp outfit they used to do. and, i know i should be shocked but im just laughing at karkat showing up late with the sloppy makeout note. And she gave the cutest most adorable date proposal to john like, ugh its cute teenage puppy love! yes, i think they'd go well together. I dunno, maybe its my kimharry enjoyer heart speaking, but i think characters who'd done terrible violence should be with someone who only met them after they strived to be someone better, or at least a blank slate. that way, they get a fresh start and can focus on improving instead of getting distracted with hurt feelings and old wounds. also i am not burdening terezi, aradia, tavros, and all of the kids she personally maimed with All of That tbh. unless they want to ofc.

-anyways, here is the updated vriska relationship chart

matesprit -> still, the poster of nicholas cage in con air, or karkat if youre so inclined to imagine a world where she makes out with karkat before fighting terezi. gross lol.

moirallegiance -> john, full stop. her relationship with terezi needs some peace time before coming back into pale redrom

kismesis -> terezi. im FROTHING at the mouth thinking at the tragedy of their relationship. this is some intergenerational trauma shit, some wicked codependency junk, like the cuno and his buddy C. its the real shit fa- (okay i should stop speaking like cuno before i embarras myself)

-also. WHY WAS IT A JUST DEATH! im hitting the clock im destroying it with jack. fuck you fuck you so much. Doc scratch fix the clock so it gives me what i want or i'll burn your house! asshole!

-im curious about the sprites. i hope they find a way to be relevant again. i've always think theyre awesome and has more info that could have been beneficial for the kids.

-all in all, i give this homestuck liveread and overall rating of what the fuck what the fuck ohhhhh ohhh my fucking godd imma read this again motherfucker

[winderlylandchime]

1/3 We are officially on season 3! And it is a lot and I’m not even sorry for how long this one is because he went through a rollercoaster. And it did start with me starting the ep and then yelling ‘WAIT NO IM MOT READY!’ And then he went to get him Team Brian shirt..this is my actual life now. Anyway: ‘I swear I didn’t touch the tv! I don’t know why it’s without color. (I let him know it’s the ep) oh, well now i feel silly. What’s going on? HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF SHIT AND HELL! HE JUST PUNCHED HIM! HE FUCKING DID IT! I HAVE WAITED MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE FOR THIS MOMENT! OH THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL! FUCK YEAH! FINALLY!! FUCKING FINALLY! *takes the remote and proceeds to rewind it three more times* Oh that was beautiful, i have never felt more alive than in this exact moment. What a beautiful punch! Oh i can tell he himself has wanted to do that for a while…wait why did he do it though? Hold up, i gotta calm down, this made my heart run a marathon’ He paused the tv on Mikeys face falling on the ground and is just staring at it while the biggest smile on his face and then very softly he whispered to himself “again.” ‘ohhhhhh Mad Dog Kinney? I fuck with that. BUT WHAT DID HE DO?! I mean what didn’t he do. But like what happened. Oh fuck, i forgot he narrates this thing…why is he doing that when nobody watches or cares for him? Should the actors who play Brian and Justin narrate? Can he stop talking? Yes please show me what the fuck just happened but now, do it in color!’ I’ve never seen him this happy. ‘NO NO NO NOT THE FUCKING PARTY AGAIN! HAVEN’T I SUFFERED ENOUGH?! Oh look it’s Brian *brian drives off* nevermind.’ The sound that just came out of this mans mouth at the sight of Justin in Ethans bed and the violin music is actually insane. ‘SHOVE THAT FUCKING TAMBOURINE UP YOUR ASS! *pauses tv on naked ethan playing violin and puts his head in his hands and elbows on his knees* UGHHHHHHHHH WHY GOD WHY ME?! *plays ep and ethan says he promised to serenade him awake, immediately hits pause again and burst into laughter and then plays it again* EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW..oh he got him a rose and chocolate for breakfast..what a fucking idiot. Oh he can’t believe he’s finally here? what a fucking weasel and a cheater! I hate them both right now. This *flaps his hand towards ethan and justin* is worse than…quick what’s something really bad? Well whatever! It’s worse than that’ He is sitting on the couch and he just started slowly sliding off of it and is hiding his his face behind his hand. (justin says he can’t stay) ‘haha nobody wants to be around you. He has to pick up his stuff. Where is he gonna live? Debbie’s? Is THAT HOW THEY GET BACK TOGETHER? *mocks ethan* what if he’s there..dude, you fucked him, you stole him and you’re STILL insecure.. i mean good but cmon. YOU DONT CARE CAUSE YOURE WITH HIM? Oh fuck you Justin. SHOVE THAT ROSE UP YOUR ASS! I would die if he stabs Justin with a thorn now. THEY DONT MAKE RAGE ANYMORE? FUCK YOU JUSTIN’ He genuinely sounds like someone is torturing him because he keeps groaning and going ‘ugh!’ Every few seconds. ‘Who do you think you are to just come into his loft? Oh he’s really gonna pack it away whi- OMG HES FUCK- wait that’s them. Didn’t that happen in season 1? Wait this looks the same but different, did they just make ice cream fucking part of their Tuesday nights? Dude, I said it back then and I’ll say it again: hot but yeast infection waiting to happen! *pauses on Brian* HOW CAN HE LEAVE AND CHEAT ON THIS? You will never have that with the pianist! Oh so they’re just gonna show me all the times they fucked before he fucked it all up?’ And he went out to smoke. Honestly, he lasted longer than i expected. ‘I forgot about Emmett and Ted. I…I dont think I like it anymore..*looks at me curiously* are all you lesbians like this? Not knowing how to mind your business? Because this *flaps his hand towards mel and linds* is annoying. Their whole thing in this show is cheating and not minding their business’

He had to get his Team Brian t shirt… like he’s watching sports!! (Don’t people wear their team jerseys when they watch sports? I, myself, am not a sports watcher.)

Oh I forget he narrates the thing - SO RELATABLE. Why does Michael narrate the thing? Who’s idea was that?

The cringe of seeing Ethan with Justin and (more importantly) Justin with Ethan is a whole thing this season. Buckle up, brother anon.

“I would die if he stabs justin with a thorn now” UM, so just like wait a handful of episodes and we’ll get to Justin being stabbed with thorns.

Hot but yeast infection waiting to happen. I forgot we didn’t get his reactions to the earliest episodes. But yes, do not put sugar things in your sugar bits and bobs.

HOW CAN HE LEAVE AND CHEAT ON THIS. Indeed, inquiring minds want to know.

Mel and Linds give lesbians a bad name. The representation of wlw on this show was the worst.

[software-instxbility]

TW: paranoia, delusions, dissociation (implied systemhood), implied ED, implied grooming and SA, DP/DR, self harm, SI, death

"They dont know what it was like for people like us growing up" no, no they fucking don't

Nobody knows about how i stabbed my mattress over and over on call with my ex because i was convinced there was a man in it ready to stab me right in the heart. They don't about the fear and how it lasted for hours afterwards, don't know about how ashamed i was despite not being able to stop. Don't know this man's been here since i was a child.

They don't know about losing years of your life. Don't know about the uneasiness of meeting people and realising you're supposed to know them, but their face and name mean nothing to you. They don't know about how guilty it feels to try and reconnect with your supposedly best friend; about hearing her say "you feel like a completely different person and i cant reach you", and crying inside because of how literally right she is.

They don't know about studying your face in the mirror for hours on end, knowing how incorrect it is, and not being able to do anything about it. Full body panic because you gained 100 grams. Full body panic because the you in your head is not the you in your body.

They don't know about being a therapist since the age of 8. Your mother is your best friend and you want to die. You're 13 and your boyfriend is older than your older brother and you're playing cupid for him and his girlfriend. Men want to expiate their sins with you. Women want a reverse oedipus complex. Nobody wants you for you and you're throwing up in the toilet trying to meet expectations.

4 of your friends died from suicide. No one was older than 17.

They don't know about your life being controlled by a blade. About panicking at 1am in the bathroom alone because you can't stop the blood. About simultaneously hoping to die and praying to not bleed out. About obsessive thoughts of people finding out. About it evolving into a love's mark; never will you express your feelings, you'll cut instead. Better hurt yourself ans not them. And now you want them to destroy you as well.

There's so many things they just don't know about.

So many things i don't know about. Not anymore. Or not ever.

[the-suffering-of-a-circus]

the beginning of a rise of a leader (chapter 1, backstory of Dokeshi Kowai)

hello! This is my first time using tumblr so it may be horrible…I hope I can somehow make a fandom out of this? Anyways enough of me yapping…here’s chapter 1!

*a young boy, looking the age of 15…stood there, legs shakey. Breathing heavily. Out of breath and tired. Standing over a pile of wood, just finished with chopping wood to sell. Mumbling “I don’t want to do this anymore…it hurts.” His appearance? Black and white long hair, rare White eyes, tall, and seemingly shaken at the moment. This was Dokeshi Kowai. A 15 year old boy. He’s spent hours…and hours…working his ass off just to sell wood to supply his family…sense his parents were too lazy to do it themself. You see, Dokeshi hasn’t grown into the richest of families…and all the money they earned? Never gone to him. He was forgotten in his family, used for money then discarded. As the questions start spreading across his mind. “Why don’t they love me.” “Am I not good enough!?” “Why doesn’t anyone see me!?” His rage only slowly grew…if there was one person he disliked? It’d be Noroi Kowai…his own sister, why you may ask? Simple. He was ignored…and she was cherished. “Why is she so special…why do I deserve this while she gets all the love anyone could possibly want.” He murmured, picking up the axe once more, and chopping more wood. Hours later, he finished selling all the wood to his neighbors and locals on the streets…all for only the poor amount of 125 dollars…all the labor…all the sweat and tears..and even the money he makes?…his parents take away…all for his younger sister, she was 12…old enough to at least help him..but no…he was neglected…starved if he didn’t work…and forced, he was only fifteen, he just wanted a normal life. But no.

A few days later. He was enjoying his sort time in his house, on a break, when suddenly he notices his father’s gun on the table. “Maybe…no…no I shouldn’t…whatever….ill just take it for only an hour..just to practice aim” he sighed, grabbing his fathers gun. Bang. The sound that rings his ears as he shoots a glass bottle out in the fields…this was to the least, the best break he’s had in a while…he was having fun and learning how to protect himself. That was until…he heard an oddly familiar voice “Big brother! What are you doing?! Put it down! Mother needs you to get back to work”…that’s it, the voice of his little sister. “Not now. I’ll continue on later. I’m practicing.” *he sighed, irritated ever so slightly* “no! Put it down or I’ll make you!” *she argued back* “can you just leave me alone.?! You’re always so annoying…I said. Give,me,a,few,minutes.” *he was getting angrier and angrier. This spoiled brat, nagging him, what kinda girl was she!? He just wanted one break…but no…the one person he envies just has to ruin it. “Your so angry all the time! Now I see why mother and father avoid and dislike you! They don’t want to deal with you!” *she yelled back…and those words, stabbed him through the heart.* “SAY THAT AGAIN, BRAT.” *he yelled, almost loosing it.* “YOU HEARD ME. MOTHER AND FATHER DONT LOVE YOU. AND I SEE WHY.” *…bang. The. Silence.*

Authors note:

GOD THIS SUCKS SO FUCKING MUCH. I hope you enjoy…I’ll try to post the 2nd part of dokeshi’s backstory/chapter 2 in a few days…thank you for reading and supporting me! -Natsu

[lntrusiveknock]

it is only possible to fight with a double edged sword for so long before You realize that the monsters are in fact invincible to the thing that harms you but also the very reason why You continue Fighting. Only. For . So . Long. too much in too little time. i surrender the war. i admit my defeat. i am not meant to fight an imaginary war alone. i am not supposed to win and be hated for the reasons for why i would believe in victory. the losers can blame me, they can condemn me. and you fucking know what? they are the reasons i let go. because i am not choosing sheer loneliness and ingratitude for my life instead of being a real human being. and sometimes you really just have to face it- sometimes the only HUMAN thing i can watch us do is fail and fall off. sometimes to forgive them as much as they have i need to know it for sure. i needed to know what else in the world of humankind there is to be enough of a reason to sacrifice something greater. i dont know if i have really found it, sometimes. i truly dont know if i ever fucking will tbh. but the least i do is Exactly That, Not Stabbing Myself with a double edged knife. Thank u

and it feels so nice to finally be something that something wants me to be. finally i am coming to a full circle and be the product of the evildoings that make me. i am not living out of spite anymore. in fact i have surrendered to the demons who remind and reminded me everyday that this journey of mine is worth jack shit. because sometimes, i really do believe it. i trust people. i trust people who should be my loved ones. fucking let me be a human being, i can not make my entire character and rely what’s good for me on the backbone of stubborn hatred and condemnation. Chat and jesus this is not who i am and can be for my whole life! I need to come from somewhere and not believe that i am superior for everything i am born lacking in! With that being the bare minimum of just love. Haha… Call it what you want. i know its what your heart begs you to do and deny me of any empathy because youre just some fucking passerby hypocrite looking to shit on situations and dark places you’ve never even been to. Do it baby. I still don’t respect you which should be an ironic thing. Maybe my only defeat is the failure to give myself some dignity borne from an innate sense of self love. Baby look there is nothing worth loving at all.

[prozacdyke]

Being a black girl is the hardest thing on the fucking planet i dont wanna hear any debate about it ive been plagued ive been stabbed in my heart multiple times ive been throw away like garbage i used to love myself and everything and everyone around me and now im destroyed!! Youve ruined me! Youve ruined my life! I just want to die now, because its impossible to live! Everyone thinks im evil everyone thinks im plotting against them they all think im stupid and ugly and worthless how can i possibly think anything else of myself? I dont want to fight anymore i dont want to fight for the rest of my life i have to fight to get your attention or to get you to listen to my problems i have to fight to sit in a classroom and convince the teacher im just as valuable as all my peers i have to fight to get you to pronounce my name correctly i have to fight to find a space where i belong i have to fight every fucking day to not throw myself out of my own window. I have to fight to get therapy i have to fight to get a job i have to fight MYSELF every single day i have to manually tell myself i am worth it, im dead inside. Ive been murdered and i have to carry my own corpse around. The world has destroyed me i will never get myself back i have to give it to you and you and you and all of you motherfuckers you all just take and take and take youre never satisfied youll rip every layer of my body off until you reach bone and its still never enough you wish i was never here in the first place and now i agree. Yes, i agree with you, youre right, you win, you fucking win okay i dont deserve to be on this planet how dare i take up space how dare i speak how dare i try to learn how fucking dare i. Im evil. Youre right so just kill me again and again and again until i finally disappear

[lilsprite-dreamlog]

4/6/15

I found this note from 9 years ago. Huge trigger warning ⚠️

Saving this in my lil online journal to remind myself how far I have come in my mental health journey.

Continue reading at your own detriment.

I constantly wake up and wonder why. why i am so lucky every single fucking day. My mind is a hurricane going straight for a radiation plant conveniently located to a large city filled of hopeless people waiting for their demise. my emotions are like a menopausal woman's a/c unit. hot and cold. cold and hot. i want to run. far away from everything that reminds me of the shit person i have become, start anew. yet i want to stay...locked in my room with all the candy and video games a gamer could want. and just one sharp blade. a large bottle of motrin. maybe a gun would do it. i certainly couldn’t hang myself. i like the thought of a gun. to have whatever is left inside of my hollow emotionless body sprayed across the walls and ceilings. it could be my final painting i ever paint. a red painting of pain.

i say these terrible things to myself and i wonder. why do i have these tendencies? why do i want to die as soon as i am bestowed with the gift of life when i wake up from another sleepless night filled with tears and denial and regret and pain and hate. and yet i feel as though my days are like a sunny rainy day. have you ever been somewhere where its sunny with barely any clouds but it’s still raining? thats how i would describe my life right now.

i love my life and everything in it. my mom dad brother all love me. i have great friends also. i have 2 dogs that are my life. i am young and “healthy”. why isn’t this enough for me. why do i want this? why do i want this all to go away?

i am not afraid of death. is that why i wish it upon myself? is it because i cant handle living in fucked up society anymore? living to work, working to live? that is not the life i want. unfortunately that is the only thing anybody can do in this life. not so bad if you do what you love for the rest of your life right? but what do i love? i am such a wildfire and i am not consistent. only when it comes to anime but in other things in life i cannot seem to grasp something that keeps me grounded. that is why i am scared to try hard drugs cause i know for sure i would be hooked. same reason why i dont gamble. i love drinking too much and i dont tell anyone that.

i smile everyday and laugh. when really i want to scream so fucking hard my lungs fall out of my throat and i cant breathe anymore. every time i drive my truck i do a small prayer a drunk driver kills me. sometimes i drive super fast and take my belt off and close my eyes then take my hands off the wheel. sometimes i put the blade to my skin but people will notice so i just do a small one when really i want to know how it feels to be stabbed in the heart. i know i have done it to many unfortunate souls that have seen some kind of light in my eyes. sometimes i put a handful of pills in my mouth.

i wonder if im fucked up like this because of my past. my cousin raped me when i was young. i was like 3 or 4. i was too young to know what he was doing was bad. so he did it for awhile then it stopped. now i am fucked up in bed. i like it crazy. but deep down i don’t enjoy sex. it doesn’t feel good to me. but rather i enjoy the act of taking each others clothes and being bad. maybe thats my problem i enjoy being bad. but i know thats not it because i’ve never stolen anything in my life ha.

so what is it? why do you hate yourself so much that you want to die? i’m coo coo thats for damn sure. what i really need is to be locked up in a hospital so i don’t hurt anyone else. but hospitals give me horrible anxiety and the shrinks are just snitches with degrees and nice clothing. wolves in sheep clothing thats all they are. one of my shrinks wanted to send me to rehab. another one was turning me against my family, he sucked. if i ever go to a mental house i will definitely kill myself. or i will turn into all the people there. sometimes i feel like i belong there though because i don’t feel much of anything anymore just sadness. i am crazy on the outside but i am a normal moody 20 year old.

maybe i should do something bad so i can go to jail the rest of my life and be a loser. then piss off some lady named dorris and have her shank me with a plastic fork. yeah i’ve thought about that path can you tell? ‘damn’ you must be thinking. ‘what the fuck is wrong this girl’. i have no fucking idea and i wish i did.

my mom was such an amazing parent to me and i didn’t fucking deserve any of it. i don’t deserve it. i don’t deserve all the love that is given to me. at all. i don’t deserve anything, thinking these thoughts. i wake up and cry because i still exist. i cry because i hate myself. i cry because i’m so fucking worthless. i am such a piece of shit and i know it. i have more fucking issues than vogue. if i don’t kill myself now i will eventually do it. before i start to get wrinkles joint pain and go deaf i will.

i’m so fucking selfish to think these thoughts and praying to die when my mom is fighting for her life. she might have cancer again and she does not deserve this sentence. i am selfish for wishing i had it so i could die and finally leave this ugly universe. and all she wants to do is live. then i really hate myself for that and the cycle continues. and its like this everyday. i don’t know what to do anymore with myself i am so far lost i am beyond wandering or exploring. i am about to jump into the deep end and i will not know if i will make it out this time. i only stay alive for the sake of those around me unfortunately.

[ithisatanytime]

[AMV] Xavier Wulf - The Last Jewel (Prod. By J.Schlump)

 to my friend from earlier. im sorry honest to god, i didnt mean what i was saying, half of that was me trying to be who i thought you wanted me to be, and the other half was me entering into a bad place mid conversation, i felt it coming and should have said something but when i say “i was in a bad place” i dont mean fucking depressed lmao. i know it seems like an excuse, but i have never done something like that in the past and i never would, its not in my nature to be cruel like that, at least it didnt used to be. i do not have a negative opinion of you at all, i like you and several times ive thought about you and its like im stabbed in the heart because of how i treated you but i didnt want to apologize because we cant talk. the only thing i want from you is sexual, and given both of our circumstances thats terrible, and do to the parallels between our current relationship and for me the past, interacting with you is uniquely painful, it reminds me of the most painful experience of my life, forces me to act it out even and makes me feel like the ultimate hypocrite. none of that has anything to do with you as a person, i like you, but if we talked id just be trying to fuck you, not love you or date you just fuck you, and if i got my way id ruin both of our lives. you have no idea how much it hurts me to speak to you because im doing to someone else what was done to me, its a unique agony, so the fact that i was still talking to you as much as i was should be flattering in a fucked up way.

  i dont want to talk, i dont care if you forgive me or not honestly, its so hard for me to really care about anything anymore honestly, but i dont want you to think i hate you. its like my soul starts turning pitch black. tbh it was so much worse two years ago and it has just very slowly been getting better. i didnt blow up in anger but i said really really unkind things to you. i dont want you to aknowledge this post in any way i just want you to know i dont hate you and im sorry. we should never talk again but i consider you a friend. in fact thats the case with all my friends, we think about each other but never talk