#i just want to snuggle up in a blanket and never speak to anyone ever again

[darkmothsy]

I'm so exhausted

[little1stars]

The moment he realised that he loves you f.t. Karasuno

f.t.: Hinata, Kageyama, Daichi, Sugawara, Asahi, Tanaka, Noya, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi

warnings: None, with a gn reader

Hinata:

It was on a winter's day when he had an important game when he felt it for the first time

He had just arrived at school on his bike when he saw you

You stood there, snuggled up in your jacket in the icy cold outside the school gates

How you waited for him even though it was freezing cold just to be able to wish him good luck for the upcoming game before school

For him, no one else is as perfect as you

Kageyama:

He realised after thinking about it for a while, in his room

It was already late at night but the thoughts of you just wouldn't let him sleep

He thought about every moment he had with you over and over again

Your laught, your pretty face everything about you was charming and your character, it was made of gold, you never called him king and never judged him

He had never felt this way about anyone before, but then you came into his life

Daichi:

He realised it when he saw how you treated his team-mates

You are simply the nicest and most self-sacrificing person he has ever met

All together you laughed and joked around as if all was right with the world

He just really recognises how you try to get on well with everyone he cares about

He just loves you too much for that

Sugawara:

He realised it when he woke up on a sunny spring morning

You lay curled up in the blanket in his arms

You just looked too perfect at that moment

He just hopes that he has the opportunity to wake up like this every morning

from that moment on, he realised that you were the most important thing for him

Asahi:

He saw you for the first time in a coffee shop where he is a regular customer and he was in love with you at first glance

All of a sudden you were there and have been there every day since

He also comes more often than usual, in the hope that he might find you there

Every time he sees you there he orders the same thing and waits until he has enough courage to talk to you

After at least two weeks he dared to speak to you and it was wonderful, a feeling he would like to have all the time

Tanaka:

He recognised it as soon as you walked through the classroom door for the first time

The way your hair was bobbing slightly and the way your beautiful eyes were looking around curiously just made him feel so good

Without knowing it, he's been nudging you the whole time

In his mind, he imagined you not walking towards your seat but walking down the aisle in a breathtaking wedding dress

From then on, he also stopped looking at other girls, you are everything to him

Noya:

Similar to Tanaka, he falls in love very quickly

He felt it straight away when he saw you in the stands at one of his matches

He had just held a ball when his eyes met yours directly

Everything around you stopped for a moment

From that moment on, he couldn't stop thinking about your pretty face, so much so that he was so distressed not to know who you were after the game, he approached you

Tsukishima:

He realised when you suddenly sat down next to him during the lunch break

Yamaguchi hadn't been there that day and so he was sitting there all alone

And you apparently felt sorry for him, so you just sat down next to him and started eating your lunch

You even offered him some of your food

I think he simply fell in love with your kind, cheerful and thoughtful manner

Yamaguchi:

He noticed when you smiled at him for the first time and he fell in love with you at the same second

It was a normal school day and he was just sitting in maths class, which he has together with you

You had to do group work and you turned round so that you could work together

You gave him a friendly smile and from then on it was over with him, he turned into a red mess

He wants to make you smile as often as possible, he just loves you and wants to see you happy as often as possible

Note: If you have specific wishes for a next scenario, please write to me or simply leave a comment. I also write for other fandoms, more info on my master list

Attention: The characters and the gif do not belong to me. All credits go to the actual owners. If you want anything to be changed or removed, please write to me.

[rafeysbafey]

✮COULD NEVER BE MAD AT YOU — RAFE CAMERON

SUMMARY. rafe comforts you after a nightmare.

WARNINGS. soft!rafe, comfort

WORD COUNT. 0.6k

imagine based on this request!

it was reaching four in the morning when rafe felt you nudge his side, a mumble of incoherent words leaving your lips as you went to nudge him again.

a small groan left rafe’s lips when he felt you elbow his side, his eyes fluttering open as he turned to face you.

your face was close to his, your eyes closed as rafe’s own tried to adjust to the darkness that engulfed the bedroom.

your eyebrows were furrowed together, lips parted slightly as mumbled quietly under your breath.

realizing you were dreaming, rafe let out a tired sigh before slipping his arm over your waist, pulling you close as he tucked his face in your neck.

before he could fall back to sleep, your hand came flying up to hit him in the nose, a grunt leaving rafe as he quickly sat up.

“what the fuck, y/n,” he groaned, holding his nose to try and ease the pain as he looked down at your still sleeping figure.

“stop,” you whispered, tossing your head to the side as your bottom lip quivered, eyes still squeezed shut.

“what?” rafe asked, now thinking you were awake, “what are you doing?”

“no- no please,” you mumbled, voice getting louder as you quickly started thrashing under the covers, “stop! s-stop, no!”

rafe quickly realized you were having a nightmare, his hands bracing your shoulders to then shake you awake.

it only took a few seconds before your eyes shot open, your body practically lunging forward as you sat up and clenched the blanket.

“r-rafe,” you whimpered, reaching your hand towards him as tears brimmed your waterline.

he turned on the bedside lamp, then not hesitating to pull you into his lap, his arms cradling your shaking figure as he scratched the back of your head slowly—an action that comforted you.

“you’re okay, baby,” he cooed, rocking you ever so slightly as he held you tight, “you’re safe. everything’s okay.”

“it was bad, rafe,” you whispered, almost afraid to speak up as if someone was listening.

“do you want to talk about it, love?” he asked, voice low as he made sure to be careful with his words.

he didn’t want you to talk about anything that was uncomfortable, considering how fresh this bad dream just was.

you shook your head quietly, leaning your head into his chest as you curled into yourself.

rafe hummed softly as he grabbed the covers to drape over your small figure, his arms then finding home around your body as he held you close.

you always felt safe in rafe’s arms, knowing nothing could hurt you when this close to him—knowing rafe would never let anything or anyone touch you.

“im sorry for hitting you,” you suddenly said, the silence that filled the air disappearing as a short sigh followed quickly after.

“how’d you know?” he asked, eyebrows furrowing as you shrugged.

“i saw some blood coming from your nose.”

rafe hadn’t even he was bleeding, his hand coming up to feel the now dried blood under his left nostril.

“damn, my girl’s strong isn’t she?” he chuckled, causing the pit of guilty in your stomach to vanish as you giggled quietly.

“thanks for not getting mad,” you whispered, snuggling your face closer into his chest as you relaxed more into his touch.

“i could never be mad at you, love.”

when you didn’t respond, and he heard your breathing slow, he realized you had fallen asleep.

he leaned back onto the headboard before reaching out and turning off the lamp, then adjusting the covers to fully cover your body that was still curled in his lap.

“goodnight, y/n.”

[bunnyreaper]

kinktober 16 - scent

john price x reader

(18+/mdni, abo dynamics)

John's chest is your home. The one place you feel most safe in the world. You cuddle up into him, savouring the thick layer of fat that blankets his muscles and gives you the best space to cuddle. Strong arms wrap around you, keeping you warm and secure—and his scent, his perfect scent surrounds you completely. 

You've never smelt anyone like your Alpha—you knew he was the one for you when you latched onto his scent, smelling it more richly than anything you've sensed in life before. Smokey, woody, rich and deep. 

And now he wants to deprive you of it, as he tries to peel himself away from you to leave the bed. 

"Alpha..." You whine needily,  snuggling into his neck and savouring his scent while you still can—hoping you can somehow convince him to stay. "Don't go." 

"I have to, love. Got a meeting soon." His voice rumbles through you, warm and soothing, even if you hate the words he speaks. 

You tighten your arms and legs around him, clinging tight. If he really wanted to get up, he could, even with you clinging, but he doesn't just yet. "Please, just a little longer." 

He huffs, fond amusement as his hand strokes through your hair. "Okay, stay snuggled up, my sweet girl." 

You dive into his neck once more, tracing your nose across his scent gland, rubbing yourself into his thick beard and swapping your scents. "Fuck, you smell so good." Once more, your voice drops to a whimper—your natural submissive reaction completely unrestrained as you begin to grind into his thigh just ever so slightly. 

"Yeah?" His laugh is soft and sweet, but his voice drops a little lower as your arousal fuels his. "Can't get enough of your alpha's smell?" 

"Why do you have to go? Why do you have to leave this bed?" You grow more dramatic with your whining as you continue, gripping onto him deathly tight and never wanting to let him go.

"Should be staying here with my pretty little omega." He purrs, rubbing his face across the crown of your head and treasuring your own scent. He was addicted to yours as you were his.

You nod enthusiastically, a serene smile spreading across your face. "Yes, yes you should." Right now, or really ever, you can think of nothing better than confining you and John to bed forever more. 

"I'll leave this shirt behind for you, darling." John whispers, knowing you'll spend most of the morning snuggled into it and inhaling his scent.

You raise your hand, sticking out your pinky finger in a sweet, innocent gesture. "Promise?" 

John links his finger with yours, bringing your intertwined hand up to kiss and seal his vow. "Promise, my sweet omega." 

[mega-punani]

Can we please have some headcanons for pirate boys reacting to y/n falling asleep on them? Btw, I absolutely adore your art, keep up the good work!💗💗💗

AWWWWW YEAH!!!

Y/N Falling Asleep on the Bois:

Sans:

Aw yeahhhh, now this is the life.

Sans probably woke up to see you napping right up on him. When that happens, he'll just give you a sleepy smile and rest his hand on your back.

He likes cradling you or having you basically on him. Like a weighted blanket! He'll draw shaped on your back or pat you while you sleep.

Papyrus:

Very rarely you'll have a chance to relax with the energetic Papyrus. He's always jumping around, and he hardly sits still! But once in a while, he'll settle down.

He'll lean right into you the moment he feels your weight on him. And let out a quiet squeal when he notices that you're snoozing.

As nice as couple nap time is, he's got things to do! He'll slink away as carefully as possible and leave you to sleep.

Blue:

Blue isn't the most comfortable thing to sleep against... or on for that matter. He's always jumping around and bouncing off walls! How can you even get him to sit still?

Well, he'll want to take care of his cannon at some point! When he goes to polish his cannon, take a lil nap against his shoulder.

He'll catch you softly snoring and stay still until you wake up! It's hard for a man of his energy to do, but anything for his wonderful datemate!

Stretch:

Absolutely squealing.

He's frgid, man is never gonna move again. He was just wiping his banjo with you leaned up against him. And then, BAM. You were fast asleep.

He'll wrap an arm around your shoulders ever so carefully and pull you in. Although his exterior is calm and collected, he is SCREAMIN on the inside.

Red:

With how loud Red's workplace is, you'd have to be extra tired to sleep near him, let alone against him!

But the moment you do, he'll stop tinkering away and slowly slide you into his arms and carry you off to some place quieter.

One he has you rested up and tucked in maybeeeee he'll join you... who's kiddin. He's hopping right in and cuddling up next to you, listening to your steady heartbeat.

Edge:

Stiff as a muthafuckin board.

He is the quietest skeleton alive. He has never raised his voice above a decibel. In fact, he doesn't speak, not with the risk of you waking up from your little nap.

He'll pat your head and softly untangle any knots in your hair, all while gently scolding you about staying up for him. Of course, he's flattered.

If his brother teases him, he gets tossed off the ship. (Quietly) And anyone else who tries to wake you up gets a wordless glare.

Razz:

He's flattered that you would wait for him until he was done with his work, but really, you didn't have to...

He'll sigh and drap his coat against your back. Maybe a lil smooch if he can tell you were not waking up right away.

No, that wasn't him. What are you talking about? The cruel and terrifying Razz would never drape his favorite coat over you when you were asleep. DON'T THANK HIM EITHER CAUSE HE DIDN'T DO IT!

Cash:

He's probably napping far before you start, so hey! More the merrier.

He'll relax against you and soak in your warmth as you cuddle up to his bony body. But sometimes, if he's feeling a little mischievous, he'll poke your cheeks or tickle under your nose to annoy you.

At some point, you'll wake up to him grinning like an idiot. Of course, he drew on your face...

Bear:

Oh... you're sleeping next to him.

He was so absorbed in looking at the stars that he didn't even register your body snuggling up to his side.

He'll take the teacup out of your hands and pull the blanket around the both of you a little tighter. You being here bring him such comfort that it feels almost unreal. He thanks the stars before he himself falls to a light slumber.

Cinnamon:

ARGHHH SO CUTE-

There are two wolves inside of Cinnamon. One wants to squeeze your body against him while he giddily swings you around. The other wants to kiss your head softly while patting your back.

He ends up just smiling really hard and leaning into you as well.

Also, will snipe Cash with peanuts if he even tries to get close enough to troll you.

[thestralluvr]

Lars Pinfield x reader headcanons part 1

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

- he’d have the usual socials like tiktok, insta and all that but his only post is a picture of you that you absolutely hate and his following is just his friends, family and famous cats.

- he probably has another instagram account for his cat basil, a chunky tabby who he adores with his whole heart.

- taps on the possessors enclosure (the possessor taps back it’s like a weird little high five) before he leaves and at this point it’s become an instinct.

- his work space is definitely an organised mess, you’ve got no clue how his system works but he surely has one.

- you guys definitely get takeaway at LEAST once a week (especially on a friday).

- claims he doesn’t know how to flirt yet every single word that comes from his mouth leaves you BLUSHING.

- he’d never admit it to anyone but he secretly loves reality tv 😭 it has him hooked and it’s one of his favourite parts of the day when he can just unwind with you and watch shitty television.

- this man just adores you, you’ll catch him just admiring your features like you’d hung the moon and stars.

- i feel like he’s a decent cook but a terrible baker, he never fails to set off the fire alarms.

- one morning he’d tried to surprise you for your anniversary by baking you a lovely breakfast.

- it ended with the pair of you standing on the front lawn in your pyjamas waiting for the fire brigade.

- baking is now left for you and uber eats.

- this man had a hipster tumblr phase i just know it and you take every opportunity you can get to tease him on it 😭.

- i’d imagine his favourite bands would be stuff like the kinks, tears for fears, the smiths, talking heads, soft cell etc. (he’s a music nerd).

- he loves gloomy rainy days, 1 because it reminds him of his home town, 2 because it’s the PERFECTTTTT weather to snuggle under blankets with you (his favourite activity).

- maybe has a few tiny tattoos that only you’ve seen besides one.

- one night the two of you went out with a few coworkers (much to lars’ annoyance) so what better to do than take the opportunity to get pissed? makes the boring conversations less boring right?

- anyway let’s just say it was an eventful night as you’d both woken up with the wonkiest matching ghost tattoos on your wrists.

- the pair of you weren’t exactly ecstatic to find your drunken decision but hey, they didn’t get covered up. besides, it makes you think of him whenever you see it so it can’t be that bad.

- he has a tendency to run his thumb over your little ghost whenever you’re holding hands or cuddling, it’s very sweet.

- you take turns being the big and little spoon every night but basil is always the tiny spoon.

- he’s a little touch starved so he never ever takes any little touch, kiss, and caress for granted.

- speaking of kisses, ALLLLL THE KISSES!!! forehead! head! hand! eskimo! cheek! neck! this man is just so lucky to be able to kiss you he never wants to stop oml i could cry he’s just the sweetest.

- basil definitely gets many kisses too she’s very spoilt.

i hope this was decent, my first time writing for this lovely man so i hope i did okay!! lmk if you want anything in particular for the following parts through my asks or comments!! <3

[greenandbreathing]

just read your maddie/caitlyn fic and ohhhh????my?? god??? life changing. i know you said you probably won’t write for them/arcane ever again (ooooo 🌀🌀🌀 you wanna write more maddie/cait fic so bad) but id love to know if you have any headcanons for their relationship dynamics 💕

hey omg thank you so much for reading !!! do i have headcanons…… oh my friend. you doubt me

(i'm gonna keep these sfw but if people want specific nsfw ones i couldddd be persuaded. speaking of which, this is the fic in question)

first of all i wanna start off with this. if you think they were ever “in a relationship” or “girlfriends” you are making your first mistake. here we have a woman who has just lost her mother and the real love of her life within a week, and then immediately she is handed more power than she even truly knows what to do with, try as she might to make it seem like she has it under control. she’s grieving and heartbroken but she doesn’t have time to manage anything  because she has a war to deal with. and then we have her subordinate, her coworker. imagine you are a girl with a raging hard on for power who has just witnessed a very hot officer ascend to leader of her house and your commander. she’s also in such a vulnerable position that it would be impossible not to offer her your shoulder to cry on. caitlyn is not herself, maddie is a horny twenty year old lesbian. i don’t believe that maddie was a traitor from the beginning, but i do think she was being remarkably selfish and did not care that caitlyn was using her. furthermore, i think she was into that part of it.

more under the cut!

THAT BEING SAID! there is nothing wholesome about what was going on between the two of them. maddie’s smart, and she feeds cait all the praise and validation she needs to create a bandaid on her heart, and caitlyn takes it all in because nobody else is around to take care of her. at a point where she has never felt more unloved, here is a girl willing to smother her. fine. 

i do think that the deleted scene where maddie approaches caitlyn at a bar and has a heart to heart with her did happen. i think that’s how it started. i think they shot the shit and had a few too many drinks and caitlyn invited maddie home with her, and it startled her the next morning when she realized she didn’t feel any regret about it, only a dull sort of. well. that happened. it was kind of cathartic? i actually think she had a spring in her step following the first time, which pissed her off because it meant for sure that this probably wasn’t going to be a one time thing. and it wasn’t. 

maddie loves it. she sees it as being useful and helpful, but she also folds so easily for a girl who will boss her around. she’s a follower to her core: when someone’s in charge, she has to be the best for them (i.e. gold star sticker — good job, maddie!) 

maddie lovesss getting to stay the night at cait’s. her sheets are soft and always clean, there’s no risk of being interrupted or overheard, and she will take every opportunity to use her fancy shower (and maybe— no, definitely— all of her expensive products. you can’t convince me that she isn’t secretly having everything showers with cait’s stuff) 

maddie is an abhorrent bed sharer— blanket stealer, toss and turner, the works. the only way cait is able to get under the covers fully is if she snuggles up to maddie, which maddie occasionally (unwisely) mistakes as genuine affection. its not, really. (although, cait will sometimes relish in the comfort a little more than she should, too. but she’s more aware of herself) 

i wish i had a clear answer on how i think maddie switched sides, but it’s so difficult to sort out in my head because i do think season 2’s writing is really flawed in a lot of ways (not an unpopular opinion), one of those being maddie’s whole character. i think ambessa manipulated her though, i don’t think maddie turned on cait on her own. if anyone has thoughts on this i’d be interested to hear them! 

[phrandallanton]

had a dream that someone I look up to a lot turned out to hate me and treated me horribly while I was at their house (I don't know this person irl nor have I ever met them before) Their parents loved me, saying that I was the biggest fan for what the person I look up to created. Yet the person themselves just HATED me. I felt sad for enjoying the stuff they made and while I was there, their parents gave me a computer to draw (Which belonged to the person I think?)and I drew the things they've created before. I then went to try and delete them cause I think that's why they hated me, was because I liked their stuff. Which is weird but like, okay go off sis. But I couldn't delete it in the end which made me panic and I think they hated me for drawing on their computer that I didn't KNOW was there's.

They also pushed me off their bed saying something like I was stinky and they didn't want their bed to stink. That's not nice :( but I can get not wanting me to be on your bed makes sense. They also said something horrible which I thought was a dark humored joke so to try to interact with them, cause mind you most of the time of this whole thing going down we haven't even spoke to eachother, so I tried to joke back with them. Turned out they were being 100% real and was talking to my mom.

I also hid in the closet (idk if it was their closet or just a closet) I was all snuggled in blankets hiding from something that looked like nightmare Freddy (fnaf 4). But it was like I was playing a game and wanted to see if the person who I looked up to would start playing with me so we can start being chill and what not. But then my parents and their parents started shouting for me and I was like "yeah if they already hate me their not going to hate me more if they find me in their closet" (once again, not sure if it was their closet, but I did say it was)

Towards the end of the dream they started to make a video on me trying to cancel me (???) I don't know man. They just really hated me. So I tried to get recordings of them saying and doing horrible stuff to me so I can prove that the video was just out of hate or something idk.

It's weird cause even though I was really sad that this person I admired was treating me like garbage, I really liked the dream? It had this huge weird feeling of anemoia to it. But it also reminds me that people I admire or like probably suck and that's why I don't hold anyone on a big pedestal anymore. Like how I thought Mr beast was cool and even got to speak to him once with other people I admired and now all this stuff is coming out sooo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ That's something the dream reminded me about lol and is also the main reason why I don't worship any influencer or artist I admire.

Once again, wanna say that the person in the dream is someone I do NOT know irl or online, I've never really interacted with them, they could be a douche bag irl, they may not be. Nobody knows except them and the good lord. All of this was just a dream.

[r0-boat]

*Peaks out from blanket*

Hi, yes? I never made an ask before, but if you want women, I personally think Dendra from pokemon scarlet and violet is super cute and energetic. She seems like a nice lady.! I could go for anything sweet and/or spicy, your pick.!

Ooh! Her! I love her!

Here's some cute sfw Dendra as your girlfriend hadcannons!

Edit: hi hello I was researching bulbapedia and other sites about the character and I saw a picture of her beside her partner medicham in the Pokedex medicham is confirmed 4 ft and she's just towering over this Pokemon she's like 6 ft ajshdj

Girlfriend Dendra hcs

Sfw cut for length

Dendra loves showing off for physical strength to you. Your eyes sparkle with the light, the inner puppy in her bouncing around happily every time you have that amazed look or bright smile on your face. Any physical task that you won't be able to do anything at all she is One Call Away.

You call her cute when reality to her you're the cute one. You're just so cute that she developed a habit of picking you up and carrying you to where she wished. Piggybacks, princess carry, and even being slung over the shoulder. She won't hesitate to do it in public if she needs to take you someplace or you're not budging. She'll just pick you up and carry you while you're kicking and fussing like a tiny kitten.

She is not shy when it comes to public displays of affection at all. She'll hold your hands kiss you, and caress your face lovingly. She doesn't care if anyone sees one time you brought her lunch to work, and she kissed you on the cheek while teaching the class her students talked about for weeks.

Dendra is not a picky eater at all. She'll eat anything you make like it's the best meal she's ever eaten in her life. And since you cook for her, she will learn to cook your favorite dishes even if it takes her months to perfect them. Speaking of food, she's definitely the girlfriend that would eat anything you don't like.

Dendra loves taking you to the gym or any place to do workouts. Though she won't make you do her strict workout routine, she's honestly just happy that you're there with her, even if you're just sitting on the sidelines or helping her do sit-ups.

You bet she would be interested in anything you're into, even if it's not really her style; she will at least try it once, just to spend time with you.

Dendra usually is the smaller spoon because when she spoons you for, muscular arms wrap around you and almost crushes you to death when you try to escape her grasp.

At home she has to bring you everywhere she goes yes, that means more carrying.

Her Pokemon absolutely adore you. They appreciate your caring nature patching their wounds and making them delicious food to eat. They double as your bodyguards when people get a little too close to you when Dendra is too oblivious to notice their unwanted advances on her partner.

If you're smaller than her, then Dendra absolutely adores getting small objects from the top shelf for you. It's a small thing, but every time it happens, she just can't help but feel her heart flutter; it's so cute!!

Snuggles and cuddles are a must Dendra is a very physical person. Her love language is physical touch. She likes to lay her head on your thigh or have you in her lap with her arms around you. She has to be holding you or touching you. If she hasn't had her daily cuddles, she will get sad :(.

Acts of service are another one of her love languages. Sometimes, she'll just do random things for you around the house because she loves you and cares about you. Her smile will widen in her eyes with sparkle if you ever acknowledge that she has done something.

Despite being extremely outgoing with her love for you on dates, she's very nervous because she wants to ensure you're having a good time with her. She can't help but be a little shy when you're all dressed up like that; being formal isn't really in her comfort zone, but she really wants to sweep you off your feet. She doesn't want to be your goofy girlfriend all the time sometimes; she wants to be your sexy partner.

[jungkookslipring]

I Will Never Make You Lonely: Ch 5

Summary: When your life is falling apart, your 8 best friends are there to lift you up

TW: mentions of de&th, su!c!de, su!c!de tendencies, su!c!dal ideologies, depress!on, anxiety, crying. If this is in any way triggering I’d steer towards more of my happier works. 

If you or someone you love has thought of or acted on suicide, there is help and there is hope 

Call or text 988

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, non-idol AU

PSA: this is no way represents the artists. While their birth names are used in this story, this is in no way a reflection of the artist or artists in real life.

AU: mentions of de&th are implied in this chapter, read at your own risk. Swearing. mentions of eating and lack thereof. Reader doesn’t have the biggest appetite but I still wanted to put it as a warning. 

Ch 5 When you woke up the next morning, you found yourself surrounded by sunlight and the sound of birds chirping. You also found Jeongin's head on your shoulder, his messy bedhead evident as he quietly snored. You smiled as he snuggled deeper into your hold, and you let out a small sigh. Glancing at your phone, you noticed that it was already 9:00 am. Suddenly, there was a small knock on the door, followed by Hyunjin's announcement that breakfast was ready. The noise woke Jeongin up, and he lifted his head with his eyes squinted and confused, much like a baby waking up from a nap. Hyunjin smiled and ruffled his hair.

“There’s coffee too, Innie”, you both laughed as he quickly untangled himself from the blankets and sped off into the kitchen. You lay there for a second before Hyunjin spoke up. 

“What’s on your mind?” Hyunjin asks quietly. You shook your head, looking out the window.

“I just feel so guilty,” you whispered. “I know I can’t control it…I just…I don’t know…*sigh* I just don’t know why she had to go, you know?” you stated as you did your best to keep your voice level, throat still sore from last night. Hyunjin nods understandingly. 

“Carter *shaky exhale* Carter had a difficult childhood. After Peyton turned 18, neither of their parents were around. Carter only had her sister and me, so I felt responsible to make sure she had the best life possible and was always happy.,” you say trying to control your trembling lips. Hyunjin nodded and listened intently. 

“Has she always felt this way?” Hyunjin asked hesitantly, not wanting to ask the wrong question. You nodded. 

“Yeah, but she’s never tried you know, at least I don’t think…” you say rubbing your head. “But this time...I guess it was just too much…” you choked out. Hyunjin was at a loss for words. 

“I was too late…I couldn’t save her Hyunjin…and the signs were there! What if…what if I can’t save anyone else?” You ask as Hyunjin shushes you gently, pulling you into his chest. He was not going to let you take the blame for this. He let you have a few minutes before he started speaking.

“Our y/n…you have such a big heart. You’re kind and welcoming to everyone you meet. You’re sensitive when one of us needs a hug, or a shoulder to cry on. We love that you take care of all of us here, but that’s not your job sweetheart. You’re not in charge of everyone else’s happiness. Bearing the weight of someone else’s well-being isn’t your job as a human on earth. It’s not your fault, it’s never your fault, baby,” he said scratching your back. 

“I know she was grateful to have you,” Hyunjin said, kissing your head. You let out a sigh while your arms tighten around Hyunjin’s torso.

“Please…please if you or the boys ever feel anything please please please come talk to me, I can’t go through this again,” you plead desperation coating your words. Hyunjin squeezed you tighter; he knew, they all knew they could come talk to you, but you needed to be reassured.

“Of course, we’d come and talk to you…you’re stuck with us for lifers,” he said cheekily as he pinched your side, effectively getting you to giggle until he gently cupped your face, wiping away the last bit of your tears.

“But remember that your health and well-being come before any of ours,” he whispered looking down at you as you shrugged.

“It’s easier said than done…”. He nods while tucking strands behind your ear.

“I know Y/n, but it’s the truth. I know some of the other guys struggle with that. We want to take care of the ones we love, it comes naturally, so I understand,” he said. 

“Thanks, Hyunjin.” He smiles and gets off the bed, reaching for your hand to pull you up not too long after. As you walked into the kitchen, the sweet aroma of blueberry pancakes and coffee filled the room, making you feel warm and fuzzy inside. But as you looked at some of the boys, you noticed that they had puffy eyes from last night's events. Although they reassured you that everything was okay, it still hurt. Fortunately, it was the weekend, and it seemed like none of them were planning to leave the house. They were all gathered around the TV, some sitting on the floor, others on the couch. When they saw you, they didn't question your puffy eyes, but gave you sympathetic looks. You smiled back at them, trying to lighten the mood. Hyunjin was by your side, with his arm still around you. You both found a spot on the couch and sank into the cushions. Han, who was sitting on the floor next to Minho, turned around and took your hand.

“How are you doing y/n?” he asked quietly. You smiled and rubbed his hand with your thumb. 

“I’ve been better but I’ll be okay,” you said sincerely.

“Y/n?” Jeongin asked in a quiet voice. You made eye contact and hummed in response.

“How did you find out? About Carter?” he asked quietly, also not wanting to ask the wrong thing. You realized everyone knew what determined her passing when he was in his room. 

“Yeah she uh, Peyton found her letter Jeongin-ie,” you said as his eyes softened even more if that was humanly possible. You let out another exhale, and Minho’s hand found its way above your knee, rubbing your skin in comforting motions, silently letting you know that it was okay, to take your time and that they were here for you. Hyunjin squeezed you tighter, kissing the side of your temple while you tried to get rid of the lump in your throat, but the boys didn’t mind, they wanted you to do this on your terms. 

“I’ve always been on edge about her doing something like that…and I wanted to believe it was just an accident, but deep down I guess…I figured it was…I don’t know intentional, but when Peyton confirmed it, it was impossible to deny it, even though I tried,” you explain as your eyes stung with unshed moisture that gathered at the waterline. Now that you were no longer blocking out the reality of it all, you were hurting so much more now. Chris got up from his spot on the floor and moved to the back of the couch, to hug you from behind, seeing that Jeongin got up from his seat and wrapped his arms around your middle. Your hands clutched onto his forearms as they all scooted closer, making one big group hug. They held you for a while until Chris rubbed your arm and asked if you were hungry. Truthfully, you weren’t, but you hadn’t been eating as much as you’d hoped the last month and a half, so you were at least going to try. You sat at the table when one of the guys fixed you up a plate. You were so determined to eat something, but with depression comes nausea, and your vision blurred as you stared at your eggs.

“Dammit,” you grit between your teeth, your hand furiously rubbing at your eyes. Your chair slowly spun around, and you were now facing Changbin.

“Hey y/n it’s okay, it’s okay if you’re not up for eating right now, please don’t beat yourself up over that…” he said pulling you into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, feeling so frustrated with yourself. That phone call did it for you and you felt like you couldn’t close the floodgates. You weren’t bawling but crocodile tears were plopping on his shoulder.

“There’s nothing to apologize for, I promise, you did nothing wrong,” he whispered, holding you tighter. “How can we help you bug, what can we do for you?” Changbin asked.

“I don’t know,” you sigh, not knowing what you wanted.

“Would you like to get back in bed?” He asked. He was so patient with you. You nodded weakly.

“Yes please…” you say barely above a whisper. Changbin nodded and helped you down from your chair, supporting your back as you two walked out of the kitchen. After you both reached the room, Changbin closed the door quietly and shut the blinds to make the room pitch dark. He lifted the covers so you could crawl under them and immediately curl up into a ball. Changbin was heartbroken seeing you go through this. He tucked you in bed, ensuring that no part of your body was exposed except for your face. He gently moved some of your hair that was stuck to your face out of the way to make you more comfortable. 

“Changbin?” You ask, struggling to make eye contact. He doesn’t stop his movements as he looks at you, watching your eyes slowly make their way up to his.

“I-I don’t think I’m okay…” Changbin nodded sadly.

“We know y/n… but we want you to know that you don't have to be strong all the time,” he reassured you by wiping at your cheeks. 

“I hate feeling like this though…” you say as you try to keep your new onset of tears at bay. 

“But numbing yourself will only make you feel worse, love,” he argued as gently as possible, and you knew he was right. 

“What is it you’re feeling? I won't push you if you don't want to talk about it, but I can assure you it helps sometimes,” Changbin said kindly. He truly didn't want to push you if you didn't want to say anything, he knew you were hurting enough as it was.

“It’s just once I start I can’t stop;  last night and this morning were concrete evidence of that,” you stated, sounding drained. Changbin nodded, they’ve all had their fair share of masking their emotions, and they’re sure everyone got the same talk from each other at least once. They knew you felt and loved very deeply, so they understood why you wanted to protect yourself from hurting.

“I’m just so sad. I can't even fathom the pain she felt all these years and how it built up until it became too much *sniff* and my heart just really hurts right now. I’m so lost Bin, I’m so lost without her,” you stuttered thickly before hiding your face in your hands, Changbin scooting closer to you, still kneeled on the floor, pulling your head into his chest as he laid his head on top of yours. He cradled your head as if he were protecting you from the world.

“I understand, we all do, y/n, and I’m so so sorry this happened,” he whispered, trying to find the right words in this situation. He said what he felt in his heart. “I know it hurts, but thats why you have us. We are here for you to share your pain, so that it feels more bearable. Please know that we are willing to do anything to help you, even if it means taking your pain away completely. I think I speak on behalf of all of us when I say we wish we could be in your shoes,” he said, eyes softening when fear spread through your body. You pulled away and shook your head rapidly while grabbing a hold of Changbin’s wrist. No, not them. You wouldn’t want any of them going through the nightmare you were in. The idea of them feeling what you were feeling tore you apart. Jeongin bawled into your arms last night stating how scared he was to go through that, you wouldn’t wish this sort of heartbreak on your worst enemy, let alone your best friends. 

“Binnie no…I’m beyond grateful it’s me and not you guys going through this,” you say as crocodile tears start slipping down your face once more. Changbin swallowed the lump in his throat as he caressed your hair. 

“Shh shh shh, but if we were, you would do anything in your power to make sure we weren’t bearing the weight of the world alone, let us do that for you y/n, let us help you,” he practically begged. He was starting to sound a lot like Chris. You couldn't argue with him, not Changbin. All you could do was cry.

“Would you like to be alone?” Changbin asked. You shook your head, cause while you weren’t one to ask for help, there was no point in masking your feelings anymore.

“Can…can you stay, just a little longer, please?” you ask. He gave you one of the kindest smiles you have ever seen, getting under the blankets and pulling you into his arms, your head lying against his chest. He allowed you to cry out your remaining tears on his chest while petting your hair and murmuring words of comfort. He encouraged you to let all your emotions out and let yourself be comforted. You’re not fully positive when you fell asleep, but by the time you opened your eyes, it was already 10 p.m., and Changbin was nowhere to be seen. You assumed he went to the bathroom, and the realization hit you that you had been sleeping most likely for 13 hours straight. You dragged yourself out of bed and stumbled into the hallway in search of an unoccupied bathroom. After finishing your business, you walked into the kitchen to get some water when you noticed the TV was on in the living room. Curiosity got the better of you, and you peeked around the corner to see Seungmin lying on the couch, engrossed in a drama.

“Hi Minnie,” you whisper, doing your best not to startle him. He turned around and his eyes sparked as he sat up.

“Hi y/n, did you sleep okay?” he asked as he patted the space next to him. You plopped yourself next to him and smiled when he lifted the blanket to throw over your legs. 

“I slept so long but I still feel tired. How does that even work?” you chuckled lightly. He gave you a knowing grin, understanding that everything going on has you completely and utterly exhausted. 

“I’m sorry y/n…” Seungmin said sympathetically. As you felt your eyes getting heavy again, Seugmin laid back down on the couch, pulling you along with him. He wrapped his arms around you, and your head rested on his shoulder. You two fell asleep almost instantly. After Changbin finished his shower, he entered the living room to see who was still up. He smiled when he saw two sleeping figures cuddled up on the couch. He pulled the blanket to cover you both up and turned off the TV. You and Seungmin remained in each other's arms, and for that evening, the rest of the week, and maybe the week after, nobody slept alone.

taglist: @felixmainacc @felixburneracc @myforevermelody143 @dunno-wut-to-do @itzsana-kiddingmenow

[kassandras-one-braincell]

i have so many more thoughts about eivor help me

- i saw your post and you’re so right. she literally gives off warm vibes. even her smell just makes you want to curl up in her arms and never move

- trinkets. she loves trinkets. any time she’s working on a project outside or out and about, she has to pick something up. every time you come home, there’s a new rock or small object on a bookshelf that you specifically dedicated to eivor’s trinket collecting.

- okay i… do not know anything about building. or dirty work. i hate getting my hands dirty (this is a complete self-serve please bear with me here). eivor would LOVE to do all of the handy work for you. especially if she comes home after a long day and sees you (cue gasp) trying to fix a drawer or a shelf on your own with her tools. she would rush over to you and tbh (me) you’ve probably been crying because why is building stuff so hard??? and you chipped a nail which made you even more upset. eivor just.. gently easing the tools out of your hands and telling you to go take a nice shower and relax while she takes care of it.

- on that note, eivor would be great at taking care of your anxiety. especially if you’re more on the shy/quiet/introverted side.

- in public, it’s a protective arm around you, and mean glares to anyone who might make you anxious. sweet forehead kisses and reassuring words whispered into your ear after you have to order at a restaurant. ushering you into a quiet space when you get overwhelmed and hugging you close, providing warmth and comfort <3

- in private, she amps it up a lot more. i have anxiety, so i get anxious at random times over random things. if you’re cooking or working on some homework or paperwork and get overwhelmed, she’s there in an instant with a big bear hug and all the kisses you could ever want. maybe it’s just one of those days where you wake up and feel like crap. eivor takes the day off and stays in with you, encouraging you to eat and at least read a little bit of a book or take a shower. if you can’t? she’s more than happy to stay in bed, snuggled up with you.

- speaking of which.. eivor’s bed is probably the comfiest thing in the world. minimal but extremely fluffy and comfy pillows, a big comforter with some extra throw blankets. expensive ass sheets. probably silk or something. she wants you to be as comfy as possible. also she has one of those attached lights on her headboard for when she reads late at night and doesn’t want to wake you. i don’t make the rules

okay i’ll probably be back with more but um. here’s this

Eivor absolutely gives the impression that she's patient and sympathetic around people of a more anxious disposition, yeah. I see her as encouraging without being demanding during those bad days. She would contentedly spend a day with you doing nothing but relying on comforts, but she'd move you and your blankets to the sofa, so your sleep pattern wouldn't suffer, and you'd get some more natural light come through.

By nature, she's very rational and wouldn't let you neglect yourself, but she understands how ordinary tasks can be daunting when you're in a shit state of mind. If you can't bring yourself to eat a meal, she'll offer you lighter, snackier foods intermittently. If brushing your teeth is too overwhelming, she'll bring you some mouthwash and a cup to spit it into (no word of a lie, this is how I avoided serious dental damage when I was at my lowest - a little goes a long way). She'll take care of your hair for you, and encourage you to walk with her into the kitchen for the sake of your joints. She is your rock, but a soft rock. Like soapstone.

Eivor loving building and tinkering is canon, that's the law, give her a toolbox and some flat pack furniture and she'll be busy for hours. While I'm a bit of a high femme handyman who can vividly imagine having hers-and-hers toolboxes, you're on the mark, she wouldn't mind one bit if all the diy is left to her, especially if you hate it! Why would she want you distressing yourself when she has powertools?Speaking of, don't let her loose in a diy store. You won't see her until it closes. Love her for that even more.

[the1975attheirverybest]

OMG I loved that post about the first time sex. It was just perfect, the way you describe everything is so good. You're my fav Matty page for real.

Question from me, what do you think he would do if they were in the middle of sex and out of nowhere she would ask him to stop, like his reaction, what he would say sorry it that's been asked already

Omg this is the sweetest thing that anyone has ever said to me 🥹 thank you so much baby. I’m having a rough time and you’ve just made me smile. So, it means a lot to me.

I think he’d be a bit flustered at first, especially if he was like actually into it. He’d stop right away though. If she says the word, no matter what he’s doing/ how he’s feeling. He will immediately drop it all. A bit scared that he hurt her or something because, obviously, that’s the last thing he ever wants to do. Maybe he reacts a bit foolishly at first. Like, putting his hands up/ away to show her that he’s no longer touching her. He’s not sure what to do next. Cuz he wants to ask if she’s okay, but he doesn’t wanna overwhelm her with questions or make her feel bad for having spoken up for herself. So, hesitantly, he whispers in a low voice, “everything okay, baby?”

If it’s something simple, like, maybe just the position they’re in is uncomfortable or putting too much pressure on her knees, or she just wants to readjust, then he’ll obviously help her do it. “This better? Yeah? You sure?” He gives her a kiss on the cheek before he resumes what he was doing, and they go back to normal.

If it’s her just deciding she’s not into it anymore and wants all physical intimacy to stop,he would be so attentive and so soft. As he should be. He’d ask if she’s hurt or if he did something to make her uncomfortable. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But I just wanna make sure you’re alright.” Then, while pulling away/ out. He’ll make sure to narrate everything that he’s doing, so she knows he’s backing off and listening to her boundaries and not just going on with it and ignoring her words. So he’ll be like “I’m just gonna sit on my knees now, okay? Is that alright, honey?” He waits for her to give him the okay before he does anything.

Of course, a conversation or at least some aftercare is important regardless of how far into sex they got. But he’s a bit nervous to go on as he normally would, so he’ll ask her. “Is it okay if I touch you? Just wanna hold you. But we don’t have to do that right now if you need some space?” And she looks at him and she can see in his eyes that he’s confused about what’s just happened but is genuinely trying his best. She starts to feel a bit guilty and apologizes, but he immediately cuts her off, like, “hey, hey, hey. None of that!! Please, never apologize for not wanting sex. NEVER. Alright? Do you hear me? Listen, if you’re not into it, then neither am I. Okay? You never have to worry about it with me. Promise me. Please.” He’s determined to be as normal with her as possible, even if, in the back of his head, he’s worried he’s done something wrong. Cuz he doesn’t want this to be a negative experience for her. He doesn’t want her to feel bad that his ego has been bruised or that he’ll ever guilt-trip her for getting him all worked up and hot and bothered then just saying “nope.” It has to be a no-brainer. And normally, cuddling is pretty standard for them. So he asks for her permission to snuggle her. If she says yes, he’s right on with it. Pulling her into him, kissing her forehead, reiterating over and over that he’s so proud of her for speaking up when she felt uncomfortable. That he feels so much closer to her knowing that she trusted him enough to do that.

If it turns out that she stopped because, like, she was physically hurt or something, then he’s on nurse duty RIGHT AWAY. Getting her a heated blanket/ hot water bottle. Getting her a painkiller. Kissing on her skin, trying so hard not to let it show that he’s going insane inside knowing that HE is the reason that she’s in pain right now. He’s whispering apologies into her skin, peppering kisses all over, restraining himself and making sure his touch is feather-light and super gentle. Constantly checking in and asking if she needs anything/there’s anything he can do. He wouldn’t let her lift a finger for the rest of the night. Need water? He’ll pour it and bring it right to her. Hungry? He insists he’ll hand feed her. She wants to change into PJs, he’ll hover over her and offer to hold her hand even if she doesn’t need it. He’ll be totally overprotective to a slightly overbearing degree. Until he’s sure she’s 100% fine. Which is when he’ll finally allow himself to break down. He’ll be so upset and she’ll notice. Like, as they’re laying in bed, he’s tossing and turning. So, she’s like “Matty, honey, are you okay?” And he just starts ranting about how he can’t believe he hurt her. “Can’t believe I did that to you. Can’t believe i didn’t even notice. I’m so sorry baby. I’m so, so sorry. I love you so much.” And he’s back to kissing you delicately, and yearning to hold you but also not wanting to hurt you? So he’s gentle, acting like you’re made of glass. It takes you reassuring him that everything is 100% fine and that it was just a bad moment, and it passed, and everything’s fine now, for him to finally calm down.

[soonsweetheart]

I feel numb.

I didn’t want to be near him today, or anyone for that matter. Typically, I was such an optimist, so easily pushing away negative energy and focusing on the good, on what He’d blessed me with…

But today, I felt nothing. I feel nothing.

It got this way sometimes. Sometimes there would be a reason, a trigger; sometimes not. Yet there was a factor that remained in any case - this deep sense of hopelessness. Meaninglessness.

I don’t know what to call it, but I typically settled with the term disconnected. Whatever that meant. However, this disconnection was strong enough to overpower any remaining positivity in my heart. It’s like any happiness or faithfulness or even love, it disappeared. I forgot how it felt to love.

Anyways…I wanted to be alone. The last thing I wanted was to hurt him with my negativity, so I snuggled up beneath the blanket and curled into myself. Maybe he wouldn’t notice.

“Notice what, sweetheart?”

I jumped at his voice, less than prepared for his presence. He was like the sun, always smiling. Typically I would’ve snapped at him for sneaking up on me, but I felt too tired.

“Nothing,” I whispered, keeping my back to him.

His arm snaked around my waist and he pulled me close. He was so safe. I wanted to feel the love for him that I always felt so strongly, but I didn’t feel anything. Just…hopelessness.

He was more than concerned when I refrained from melting into his embrace as I always did, but it didn’t phase him the way I was worried it would. He didn’t just know my thoughts. He felt my feelings.

“Little one,” he began gently, his fingers delicately tucking the hair from my eyes behind my ear, “the day is coming to an end and you haven’t eaten…or gotten out of bed.”

It was normal for him to push me, in a good way. He encouraged me to reach for my potential, to use my days to the fullest. I half expected a scolding for wasting the precious time he’d given me, but it never came.

“Yeah,” I mumbled. I wanted to explain it, but the thought of telling him I didn’t feel anything…not even love, it filled me with immense guilt. He gave me everything, even life, so feeling this way must’ve been ungrateful. Sinful even.

He seemed to know my thoughts, his brows furrowing before his lips curled up in that precious way. “You know…I died for you without knowing if you would ever love me back,” he whispered.

I turned to meet his eyes, and they were as sincere as always.

“Really?” I mumbled. I couldn’t stop my eyes from glancing down to his hands…those scars on his palms.

“Indeed, sweetheart. So don’t ever think that your thoughts and feelings will change my love for you,” he smiled, leaning in to kiss my forehead. I don’t know why I doubted him, even for a moment, but his kiss brought tears to my eyes. His love was so tender and kind.

“H-Hey…Daddy” I choked out, hiding my face from him. I felt like I’d failed him, because he was right. He’s given me everything, and made the ultimate sacrifice for me. How could I possibly return that by being so unfaithful?

“Shhh…don’t,” he cooed, his delicate finger ran across my cheek to wipe the tear, “I’m not mad, or disappointed, or upset with you, darling. Just come here, let me be your rest.”

I knew better to argue and immediately returned his embrace. It felt so silly now, trying to hide from him when really he was my hiding place, my place of rest.

“I missed you so much,” I whimpered, finding it hard to speak with the growing ache in my throat.

“Baby, I never left,” he laughed softly. I loved the way he looked at me, like he loved me more than anything. “And I never will. No matter what difficulties or pain you’re going through, I’ll always be here holding you. I’m so much bigger than your worries, sweetheart.”

Tears flooded my cheeks and I just clung to him. Maybe it was okay to hurt, to be in pain, to be depressed. To be vulnerable. Because he wouldn’t ever let me go.

“Thank you.”

[ethereousdelirious]

CW // IRL/SELF OBS

I either have demon allergies from hell or some sort of unspecified respiratory virus, so in acknowledgement of that, here's that fever obs I promised y'all last month and never delivered on

The backstory:

I was a very healthy adolescent/young adult so I had no real experience with any sort of prolonged fever. Then I managed to catch the flu last month (tested positive for Influenza A 💀) and came down with an Actual Fever, and figured I'd dump my observations here for fic reference (or whacking off, if that's more your cup of tea)

Here's my account. I tried to lock in on the interesting, sickfic-y details

The good shit:

-I had a scratchy throat and a cough for 2 days beforehand that I thought was laryngitis from talking too much (my friend had been visiting so I was YAPPING)

-Then the reckoning began

Fever 102-103°F

-I woke up on Day 3 with a fever. I had never had a fever before. I knew exactly what was wrong with me. My skin felt wrong and I was cold even though I could tell, somehow, that my apartment was warm. There was some sort of perception-reality mismatch that I was deeply aware of.

-I really could not get warm. I was shivering under piles of blankets, and I remember thinking, "If anyone tried to snuggle me warm, sickfic style rn I think i would Actually Kill Them." When I tell you I did not want to be bothered.

-I even tried to romanticize it like "teehee, if I was in a sickfic right now, I would want my Caretaker to... to, um... uh..." I honestly just wanted to be left the hell alone so I could sleep.

-I was SO fucking tired?? When I got up for like food or whatever, I started not letting myself sit down because I knew I would start to fall asleep, and then I'd have to haul myself back up to go to bed. I swear I've never used so much willpower and self-discipline in my LIFE, but it took so much determination to stand up and go to bed. It didn't matter if I was in the middle of eating or making coffee, if I got tired, it was either go to bed or collapse.

-The only time I ever felt too hot was when I tried to drink coffee for my caffeine addiction. I lasted about two sips before I started burning up and falling asleep and reckoned I had about 60 seconds to decide if I was gonna go to bed or let it happen in an armchair with a mug of hot coffee in my hand. (I went to bed).

-Overall, I was very able to do things for myself. I was slow and tired, but I felt like my mental energy was fine enough. I managed to take care of my dog and eat (sort of) and all that

-My focus felt very narrow. I could really only focus on one thought or task at a time, with no room for planning. (So no "I'll eat something, then have some water, take my dog out, and go back to bed." It was one thought at a time.)

-Speaking of eating...

-I had NO appetite, so I started forcing myself to drink milk every time I woke up. I can easily see how a character could become dehydrated or forget to eat when feverish. I had 0 hunger cues. All I wanted was popsicles for my sore throat.

-Because I have sickfic brainrot, I was constantly asking myself: "Could I push through this? What tasks could I perform if I absolutely had to?"

-I decided that driving was a definite no. Curiously, I also couldn't stand up straight, like I was too tired. However, I estimated that, with sufficient adrenaline, I could probably perform cardiovascular exercises if needed (so yes running, no weightlifting). And, though I think it really would have hindered my recovery, I probably could have forced myself to stay awake and do computer or paper tasks that required no creativity. (So clerical tasks, filling out paperwork, basic math, etc)

Fever in the 100s

-Day 4 was the day I got the Sickfic Cough

-We're talking like choking, desperate, "something in my chest needs OUT!" kinda coughs. A couple times it even got so bad it triggered my gag reflex, but thankfully nothing came of that

-I was still tired, but I finally had the presence of mind to talk to text people instead of just scrolling on Tumblr

-For some reason I got a craving for Asian pears that I was tragically unable to fulfill. If I'd had a lovely sickfic Caretaker to fetch me Asian pears I swear I would have married them.

-SO. FUCKING. COLD. This was really the day I started longing for a "Character B," if you will. I wanted somebody to hold me sooo badly. But alas I had to make do with extra blankets.

-Then I started waking up absolutely DRENCHED in sweat, aware that my internal temperature was too high but absolutely FREEZING. Again, I would have loved for someone to help me wash my bedding and get new pajamas and run me a bath, but it was just me. So the sheets went unchanged and I started having to cycle through pajamas and it was fine.

-^This apparently had nothing to do with my fever "breaking," because it happened many times with my temperature sort of bouncing around the 100-102 zone with no particular pattern to speak of

Brief Interlude on Physical Appearance

-Both days I had a fever, I honestly thought I looked lovely. I've had a few stomach bugs before and turned so pale I was basically green, but this kind of had me a yellowish pale? I have a golden undertone so I think that had something to do with it. I didn't notice any "fever glaze" to my eyes, nor any red cheeks, but my eyelids looked darker? It was really very flattering. If my hair hadn't been so fucked up I would have taken some selfies, but alas, I looked like a bog creature.

-I can kinda see what the Victorians/menhera girlies are on about....

Recovering

-Day 5 was uneventful. I woke up without a fever and had to drag my ass to urgent care to get a return-to-work note because I never bothered to link up with a PCP (I know, I know)

-Here's a bonus scenario for you all: I arrived at the urgent care a little after opening only to find a sign on the door that the staff was having a meeting and the urgent care was opening an hour late. So I had the choice of spending 20 minutes standing out in the cold. while recovering from the flu. or to walk back to my car. neither of which I particularly wanted to do.

-I waited in my car. When I finally saw the a provider, she was so unconcerned about me that I was almost offended

-(Not in a bad way, just that I felt awful and had spent the last day wanting someone to "Oh poor baby" me, but in the medical field, an otherwise healthy, polite 20-something with no other health concerns than "recovering from the flu" is not even remotely a big deal)

The symptoms stuff is done now, but I figured I'd include the medical system details in case anyone wants them, or for me to reference later:

-For the medical details: An MA (medical assistant) took me back and asked me the routine questions (symptoms, when did they start, any major concerns, date of last period— they didn't give me a pregnancy test, which I appreciated, but afaik policy on that varies from location to location), and took my temperature and blood pressure. This was done with me in one of the normal chairs on the floor.

-The MA also verified I had tested negative for COVID at home, and swabbed my nose for a flu test

-The NP (nurse practitioner) who came in later had me hop up on the exam table, verified my answers about my symptoms, and listened to my lungs with a stethoscope. She was the one who gave me the results of the flu test. She skimmed over educating me on recovery, presumably because I'm young, healthy, and seemed very comfortable and familiar with everything that was going on (I was— both my parents worked in the medical field, my sister is a nurse, and I work in medical records). She prescribed me something to help with my cough and sent me on my way with some printouts detailing what I symptoms I could expect as I recovered, my return-to-work note, and (for some reason) my name and blood pressure

-And that was that

That's all! I hope this was, if not informative, sexy, or helpful, at least mildly interesting :)

[proton-selfships]

how aboutttt fire, electric and poison for the ask game?? :3

Pokémon Themed Selfship Game

Thank you, @ectoplasmer and @mahitoslittlebird!

[Fire]: Who’s the better chef between you and your F/O? Do you ever cook together? If so, what’s your favorite dish to make?

I'm not too shabby at cooking the few dishes I have in rotation, but I think Laurel would be the better cook! Just look at the delicate way she handles the pipette when working with the nightshade, you can't tell me she wouldn't be a master in the kitchen as well!

I feel like I end up getting a headstart on cooking when I get home before she closes up her flower shop for the day, but depending on how early she finishes she'll join me in the kitchen! ...And get pretty touchy-feely with me, which does get me flustered but also distracts me from the food I'm trying to make for us >///<

When we cook together, my favorites are either pork fried rice, baked chicken, or on special occasions my family's cheesy potato recipe! (All ones I'm good at, but hey, I'm a picky eater who likes simple stuff and I've gotten better at the stuff I like!)

[Ice]: It’s starting to snow! What do you and your f/o plan on doing? Do you go sledding? Build a snowman? Or do you guys stay inside to keep warm?

I always used to love going sledding when the hills would get covered with snow, but there doesn't seem to be all that many hills around the Gates Mansion, so we'd probably end up appreciating the snow from inside while snuggling under a blanket and sipping tea or cocoa together! That is, until the kids enter our lives, then we go out of our way to find a place for them to go sledding!

[Electric]: When did you realize that you were in love with your f/o? When did they realize that they were in love with you?

(This is speaking in-universe and in-character as my S/I, but it has parallels to the period of denial I had before I started shipping, too!)

I had a near immediate crush on Laurel because of how blatantly My Type she was, and how nice she was, and the way that we seemed to click right away as fellow outsiders in a space that was supposed to be for outsiders... Though, of course, I didn't realize at the time that she was deliberately playing that up so she could manipulate me for her own ends more easily.

I didn't realize I was well and truly in love with her until after I learned the truth about who she was and what she'd done to me, when I realized that I couldn't give up on her no matter how hard I tried. ...When I realized how much of myself I still saw in her, as someone else who didn't really belong anywhere. And when I admitted that what I wanted more than anything was a future with her by my side.

Laurel went through a similar realization. She was drawn to me for similar reasons, but told herself that it was because I could be used as a tool for her goals. Maybe in the very beginning that was true, but at a point, she had to admit that her decisions not to manipulate me into doing anything too bad and to protect me from the crusade she wanted to go on couldn't be justified by pragmatics anymore. Wednesday confronting the inconsistencies in her story about why she didn't have me kill anyone was the final straw that made her admit to herself that she'd been in love with me the whole time, and her first public display of that fact was when she stepped in to save me from a meltdown.

[Poison]: Who’s the better caretaker in your relationship and how do you help each other when one of you is sick?

Laurel's the better caretaker, by far. I want to be doting to her in return but honestly the Mommy Energy is just too strong with this woman, I could never beat that. Plus there's the fact that she knows so much more about remedies using her plants or what tea to have me drink to alleviate specific symptoms! I do like to cook something nice and warm for her when she isn't feeling well, though.

And of course, as long as we're not too contagious, we'll both offer each other plenty of snuggles! Or hell, probably even if we are contagious. Some things are worth getting sick for lmao

[fragilecapricornconfessions]

Writing brings me solace. The respite comes mostly from my imagination. I imagine you reading this one day. I imagine you scanning every sentence and reading back every word to realize that I have loved you all this time. My love for you has never waned. My love for you has only grown stronger. The absence has convinced me irrefutably that I need you in my life. I imagine trying to convince the world that the two of us belong together. I am sure many people would be opposed to it. I am confident that many will have a strong opinion of it. I am sure that many will interfere and inject their rationale for why this wouldn't be right for us. What I need you to do is go with your gut. Trust your intuition. Remember the love we have. I refuse to speak or write in the past tense because a part of me knows that all of the feelings still exist. How can they ever cease to exist after all that we have been through? I want you to know that you will always have completeness with me. You will always have a friend. You will always have a life partner. You will always have a confidant. You will always have someone to provide you with the truest and purest form of love. You will always have someone who will pray for you all throughout the day and every day. I will never stop loving you. I can't ever stop loving you. It just isn't possible. I opened up my heart for you, and open it shall stay. I am a good person. I know I am, and you know it too. I don't say things halfheartedly. I say things because I mean them. I say things because I feel them in my bones and my body is urging me to express them. I love you so much, sweetheart. You and the heavens know that I do. I dare anyone to challenge me on the love that I have for you, and I will prove them wrong in an instant. This is a feeling that can't be challenged or ignored. I care about you so deeply. I just wish and pray that you feel the same way about me. Please, my love. Please continue to pray for me and for us. We will see a way through this. I know we will. This is not the end of our story. There are still so many chapters left for both of us to write. This story can go in such exciting directions. There is no need to close the book now. We are just getting started, and you must know that a world of possibilities lies ahead of us. Aren't you excited to see what awaits us? Sometimes, I think about how often I write on here. I think about how obsessive I can be. I think about how much you occupy my mind. However, I also think about all the journaling you used to do. I think about all the times you told me that I was the subject of your journaling. You always told me that I encouraged you to write. Now we are even, I suppose. All of the writing I have done in the past has taken other forms. Now, I am writing my thoughts out directly with the aspiration and hope that you will see all of this one day. I just pray that, when you do read all of this, it will be under the most positive circumstances. How wonderful it will be for both of us to be snuggled up on a couch with a cup of black coffee to share. We drape a blanket over our legs, and you rest your head on my shoulder like you used to. With one of my arms around you, I use my other hand to scroll through these pages while I read these reflections aloud to you. This would be the best case scenario. I know it can happen. I am manifesting it. I am speaking (or writing) it into existence. I believe it will become reality one day. Why shouldn't it? I have always believed that people come into your life for a reason. I don't think that having you in my life has ever been a mistake. I refuse to believe that all of this happened by chance. You were meant to come into my life, and I was meant to come into your life as well. We need to use what we have been through as a stepping stone and as proof that any obstacle can be overcome as long as the love is strong enough. Our love is one of the strongest things I have ever encountered and felt in my life. There are no weak links in the chain that is the love we have for one another.