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shadowtraveled · 4 months

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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

#dungeon meshi spoilers #mithrun #dungeon meshi #this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme #half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is #someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality #his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though #he says he tried to see the worst in them.#hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on #wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore.#but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once #snakes #long post #severe problems #meshy

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extravalgant · 2 years

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title: river break me so i can heal

relationships: player character (the wizard) & duncan grimwater

summary: it had been some time since you had seen his face. and it had been a while since he had tried to kill you.

notes: oookay fair warning. possibly ooc for duncan? but also i sacrificed a bit of that in sake of getting the story across better. i mention this in my ao3 notes but i also think the wizard and duncan parallel each other to an extent... the context is also mentioned at the end notes for what i was thinking throughout this process. but anyways

>> READ ON A03 <<

Without another word, Duncan wraps his arms around your shoulders, pulling you into a bone crushing hug. And it is a hug, alright – just not a very good one. Your nose smashes into his shoulder painfully, and it would almost be enough to break you out of your crying spell, had you not been caught off by the sudden movement.

This is… the first time you’ve ever gotten a hug. Actual human contact. His touch sends a soft ache spreading through your chest - a sweet warmth that your brain recognizes as affection. Security. The need to make you feel safe.

It’s the hug of someone who has never hugged before – truly, if you were going to be honest, it was probably one of the worst hugs you have ever experienced; Duncan’s form is awkward, arms just a bit too tight and angled weirdly.

You realize that he’s hugging you out of his own volition - that he wanted to let you know that he cared about you. And it’s the thought of someone comforting you, rubbing your back (which he is doing, albeit the motions feel stilted), that makes the bubble in your throat grow, chokes your own words out of your mouth, makes you cry even harder.

Your hands clutch the back of his robes, clenching it between your fists as if he would disappear if you ever let go. You want to say something, hug him back, offer support, but you can’t. Your tongue feels like cotton, and your brain blanks out on the words needed to speak. Just the thought of someone hugging you was enough for another round of tears to leak through, and after everything you’ve been through crumbles in a matter of seconds.

“Run away with me.”

The words are flying out of his mouth before he knows it, before he even has a chance to logically think.

Run away? To where? Duncan wasn’t dumb enough to think that whatever calamity crawls out of the darkest parts of the spiral would simply stop because the Wizard wasn’t going to take care of them.

Even so, he doesn’t take back his words. They hang heavy in the crisp, muggy air of Triton Avenue. A storm rumbles above his head, and the thunder almost serves as a warning; a sign from Raven – to take back what he said or he would regret it. Regret trying to take her champion.

He knows you must feel his heart thudding fast and hard in his chest, arms still wrapped securely around your shoulders. Your face is still tucked in between the juncture of his neck and shoulder, and your hands are still clawing into his robes–it doesn’t hurt, by any means, but he’s caught off guard at how surprisingly.. clingy you are.

He wonders if you heard what he said.

“Did y—”

“I heard you.” You cut him off. Your voice is quiet and soft, but has a rough and scratchy quality to its tone that had been heightened from your crying session.

There’s another agonizingly slow moment of silence, and in it, Duncan feels the gentle rustle of the wind brush over your figures. He never quite believed Suzie or Artur when they told him that Triton Avenue was cold, but the wind brings a chill that he can’t quite blame necromancy for.

And when you speak, this coldness sinks further into his stomach.

“I can’t.”

“You can’t?” Duncan furrows his brows. "What do you mean you can't?"

When you pull back away from his chest, the descent is slow–like molasses. You don’t see a point in being discreet as you wipe the remaining tears away from your eyes, for he had seen it all, and sucked in a sharp breath. And when you meet his gaze, your eyes are red-rimmed and bright.

For a moment, the breath catches in his throat.

“I can’t.” You emphasize, this time. Your voice is more even than it was before. It sounded like the Wizard he recognized, and not the one that had been bawling into his robes moments ago. “I have responsibilities.”

“Are you dumb?” Duncan says, and he can’t amend the way it comes out of his mouth–clunky and harsh, like a hammer striking iron. “It’s killing you! Look at you!”

He grabs your shoulders as he says this, and the touch is almost too much to bear with something like this.

“I’m aware.” Your voice is bitter as you spit out the reply, but there is no denying the exhaustion in your voice. “I… don’t have a choice.”

Duncan’s lips press into a thin line.

“I just can’t.” You repeat, and a watery tone edges your words. “I have duties, I’m… I’m a savior now. There’s no room for what I want and my desires. They wouldn’t let me.”

“‘They’?” Duncan quirks an eyebrow.

He sees the way your gaze drifts over his shoulder, eyes glazing as if searching for something off in the distance. He thinks you must have found it, the way your pupils dilate, and stare for a long time.

“I used to think it was just Raven and Spider.” Your voice dips into something quieter, whispy. Like this conversation was just for him. “There’s something else out there. I’ve never seen it, or heard it, or.. smelled it. I can only… feel it.”

Duncan takes a chance to glance behind him, following your gaze—he expects to see a figure at least, and it only furthers his confusion about the entire thing.

It must be his eyes playing tricks on him, because he does see it—a vague shape. A human-like figure.

He blinks and it’s gone.

“As fun as running away sounds,” Your voice brings him back to the present, back to your now neutral expression. “I don’t have a choice. Truly.”

Really, there are more silences now than you care to admit, and it’s only when you make the decision to stand does he know your final answer. It doesn’t stop you from holding out your hand to help him up from the wet, muddy ground, and it doesn’t stop him from taking it.

And even when all is said and done, you’re still grasping each other’s hands. Your fingers press against the pulse of his wrist, which beats heartily underneath your touch.

“We could go somewhere new.” Duncan says. He doesn’t want to admit that he sounds desperate. Lonely. “The spiral is big. We could find some place where they don’t need us. Where no one ever gets the chance to take advantage of us.”

You can’t help the smile that breaks across your face, bleeds into your voice. It sounds too good to be true, even for you. “Oh?”

“We don’t have to stay wizards. We could even swallow our pride and become pirates!”

“You love necromancy, Duncan.” You say, and he does. He does. With every bit of his mind, body, and soul. “I’ve heard rumors on the shore that they’ve outlawed all magic. It would kill you.”

His lip curls.

“Admittedly, it would kill me, too.” Your hand slowly slips from his. “Even throughout all these years… I’ve come to love magic far too much to let it slip out of my fingers.”

“...Will you come back?”

Duncan’s voice is far too vulnerable for his liking–it had only been today that he expressed his feelings of ostracization, of needing to feel wanted. He had made his first, real friend and it had been you, the one he had been previously sent to get rid of.

He doesn’t want to see you go if it means there’s a chance you won’t return.

Still, a smile spreads across your face at that question.

“Of course.” You say. “Nothing’s killed me yet—I consider that sign enough that I’m on the right path.”

You pause.

“And I want you to come with me.”

He’s not sure if he heard you right. Either that, or this was your idea of a prank.

Or you’ve finally lost it.

“Do you hear yourself?” Duncan says, because he finds himself reeling. Of course he wants to join you—but also, are you crazy? The blood is roaring loud in his ears. “This is—this isn’t even my journey to go on!”

“Who cares?” You reply, and he both hates and loves how flippant you’re being about the entire thing. “I didn’t exactly get the wizarding book of rules when I first got here. We’ll be fine, I think.”

“I couldn’t even beat you!”

“To be fair,” You say, and the smile on your face is a little bit too cocky for someone like you—someone meant to uphold the pedestal of light wasn’t meant to look so smug. “No one has been able to beat me yet. I can protect you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m not worried about that!” He hisses out, but there is a semblance of an embarrassed flush creeping over his features. “And besides, I can take care of myself!”

“Then we don’t have any problems.”

There’s a long moment where he just—stares at you. Like he’s trying to figure out your goal for this, your angle.

“....Why?”

He feels conflicted. He feels lost. And most of all, he feels confused. Was one, heartfelt conversation all it took to get on your good side? It’s no wonder why anyone with bad intentions, but a good mask, was able to twist your promises of companionship and turn it into something else.

“...You know me the best.” You say, after a while. The sky rumbles above you once again, the final warning you receive, before a torrent of rain begins to pour down on you both. Your robes are soaked before long, bleeding into darker colors.

The two of you don’t move.

“Saving the world gets a bit lonely, too.” You continue on, and he recognizes that look on your face—it had been there at the beginning, when you had shown up unannounced in this field, and sat next to him without another word.

“You’d say we could start over as friends… but I’m a very busy wizard.” Your smile is sad, this time, when it pulls at your lips. “We’d become strangers before long. A something that was there, but could never happen.”

“...And you think taking me along a dangerous quest will fix that?”

He hates how it, once again, comes out of his mouth wrong. He had never been good with dealing on how wonderful it felt to be wanted at someone’s side.

“I said I’d protect you, didn’t I?” Your face tilts upward, and allows the drizzle to wash over your face. It feels almost holy in nature—your soul feels cleansed.

“I don’t care what Ambrose thinks. I’m not his student anymore. I don’t care what the Arcanum thinks. They don’t trust me.”

And when you open your eyes and face him, they open slowly, as if savoring this one singular moment. And the gradual motion of your hand as it reaches up from your side, before holding it out for him to take, is measured.

You are in no rush.

“I think I can trust you.” You say, softly. “Don’t you agree?”

His hand as it slides into yours is cold and wet. But it still makes your heart soar nonetheless.

“Yeah. You can.”

#wizard101 #w101 #duncan grimwater w101 #always him and not nolan that i have these thoughts about #ki this is not an invitation for u to make nolan relevant later on in arc 4 #or is it.... hehe..... reverse psychology #honestly i like takin the characters no one really pays attention to and then givin them smth #inspired to finish this by tumblr user sharknado bc i saw their meow meow art of duncan and i was like oh em gee... cute #and then i remembered i had this and i was like wtf this is good . lets finish it #sorry if this veers towards a more romantic vibe ive just been writing a lot of romance 😭😭 so it tends to bleed into my other works #HM WHAT ELSE....#i dont think theres anything else as far as that goes #erm. enjoy i guess #sorry if i made him ooc but like i said . sacrifices must be made #(i am booed off stage)#also im scheduling this for later bc its 4 am but if u check a03 regularly it should be there #ALSO THAT PIRATE REFERENCE.... YEAH.... YEAHHHH #im pointing at all 3 pirate fans (i am killed on the spot)#i just want more wiz fics to passively include pirate isms more . i think itd be neat #also if ur confused about the figure . its us #i was trying to break the 4th wall a bit by having the wizard be like 'i cant go against what they want :('#DUNNO IF IT TRANSLATED WELL....

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