#i just wanna talk about this show like a normal person and fandom continues to disappoint me

[buckybarnesss]

not to sound like a pushing 40 millennial but just seeing reaction to the acolyte and like some y'all cannot handle serialized television. the impatience for answers up front instead of letting them develop. the inability to recognize tropes and narratives that are specific to a genre. forget about media literacy it doesn't seem to exist anymore. it's eight goddamn episodes that are 30 minutes long and you cannot handle the wait. it's 4 hours of television.

audiences these days couldn't handle sweeps or finale season. or the summer hiatuses between seasons or the weeks long breaks for thanksgiving and christmas. forget about mid season march madness pauses.

this is why fandoms are so fraught. there's no discussion, no fostering of theories or speculation. it's all now now now.

[louisisalarrie]

"louis leaked the weed video to daily mail and you cant convince me otherwise"

the weed video is so funny to me, I wasn't in the fandom back then so I don't really know how the fandom reacted. But looking at it now is so funny considering how he has a song high in california and even harry has admitted doing drugs not to mention his lyrics. but the funniest part about that video is that zayn says "i know you like dick"

Hello anon!! This was meant to be a lot shorter, but… yep. Here we are. It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these but, well, welcome to the show…

It was sooooo clearly planned. And hilarious. And at the time, because a lot of us were on the younger side, we were shook at this video. tried to rationalise it by them being excited about the actual food chicken, not coke, and there were more than a few people who unstanned. People burned physical concert tickets, deleted their blogs, sent nasty tweets to the boys… It was not something we were expecting, particularly because it just came out of the blue one day, and a lot of us were too young to have dabbled in the devil’s lettuce.

but yeah… louis filmed for a long time, clearly putting the joint in the middle of the frame multiple times so we wouldn’t miss it, spoke super loudly so we’d know it was him, kept talking about how they were smoking weed, and basically removed all plausible deniability. and there wasn’t really too much attempted clean up afterwards. things just kinda kept going on as normal, even after the video was leaked.

SC did a half assed attempt at saving face, Liam made a series of tweets to try and save their butts (as per usual, he cleans up haha), TMZ said One Direction’s lawyers were getting involved because someone stole that video and leaked it (which like… how? It was literally filmed on louis’ phone, and im sure there would be much more interesting things to leak off there), and then articles about how upset Harry was at Louis for the whole thing were planted the next day to a) push larry further apart and continue their enemy thing, and b) push harry for another reason for a solo career.

BUT the thing is… SC’s statement, came roughly a week after all the articles had come out. It wasn’t straight away. And you wanna know why I think that was?

This article from the BBC.

Plainly put, it’s a short speculation piece about whether or not One Direction were still happy. That was a massive thing that came out of that video… was just like, Zayn and Louis being annoyed that they were putting out ANOTHER book, and that it was just the same old boring stuff that the fans had seen and read all before (I have all the books still, and yes, he is correct). I think that probably encouraged a statement from SC, because what’s the best way to show you’re unhappy and wanna step away from your brand and get back at your big boss who has full control over your career? You guessed it! A scandal.

While they certainly were smart enough to do this while in a country where it is legal to have a small amount of jazz cabbage for personal use, to avoid further complications with the law etc., and never actually using any explicit terms like “cocaine”, it got them off the hook enough that this leak was successful while still protected them from “going too far”. And I 100% stand by that it was Louis who planned to film and leak it, and that’s why “I know u like dick” came out, too.

Precious Mr Tomlinson has always been a bit of a mastermind with a master plan, and he knew that by posting this, the media would jump on them doing drugs more so. That was meant to be the main feature, with a splash of hating their brand and wanting to do more for fans. But for us Larries? Well… zayn saying he knows louis likes dick and then a loud louis cackle was pretty huge. Louis encouraged it and probably suggested zayn say something along those lines just to stir the pot (pun intended) some more. This video truly had the trifecta: hating SC/the 1d brand, doing drugs, and encouraging gay rumours.

And theeeeen SC hit louis with a punishment, which was Eleanor was to accompany louis for the rest of the tour because she’s a “great influence on him” (lol) which was announced on the same day of SC’s statement (coincidence?).

That same article then commented on how louis was so upset about the video because he was trying to make a deal to buy the Rovers at that time and didn’t wanna jeopardise it (he knew that vid wasn’t gonna jeopardise shit lol).

I think Louis saying the N word (which we all argued about whether he said it or not for ages bc damn louis) is totally inexcusable. That was by far the worst thing that came out of this video, and the media noticed it too. I don’t think he intended on it being in the video leak, because regardless of how much he wanted to piss off SC, I don’t think he’d ever intended to hurt anyone else and him saying that obviously did. I won’t excuse that and I kinda think well did he even watch it back before leaking it? Did he rewatch it still stoned and didn’t think twice about it? Either way he shouldn’t have said it regardless of being on camera or not and he did really hurt a lot of people. It was stupid.

The vid still available online is cut exactly at 5 mins, and is chopped up and doesn’t show the whole thing (I think there was a longer version somewhere that came out too and it was like over 8 mins but didn’t have the cuts in it? Idk I remember there being a longer one that disappeared???) but yeah… it truly was a time.

[eclectic-sassycoweyes]

WIP Wednesday

Thankuuu for the tag @carlos-in-glasses !! 💗 (Please know how sorry I am that I haven’t been showing the love for Where All This Love Comes From that it deserves yet, my life and mind have been busy and stressed lately so I’ve been somewhat of a passive scroller, but I promise you that I was jumping up and down internally when I saw it had gotten posted, and I shall return to it and pour my adoration out over it as soon as I’m able!)

I do happen to have something to share today, so here is a snippet of an emotional monologue that came to be completely out of my control, from TK trying to reassure Carlos that he is a good man, and is lovable and forgivable for his actions in 4.18

“Carlos, when I met you, one of the things I admired about you was that you were the kind of cop who didn’t believe that anyone was inherently bad, or beyond reprieve. You were - are - the kind who sees the nuances, sees the people behind their actions even if it complicates things. And who knows that even normal, good people can end up in bad situations, can be drawn to desperate measures if they’re pushed hard enough.” He chuckles slightly on the next word, the memory a cherished one. “Baby, you looked at me, sitting across from you in a police station when you barely even knew me, with cuffs around my wrists and a busted lip from a bar fight that I was the one to initiate while I told you about my history with illegal substance abuse, and your first impulse was to apologise for serving champagne that night I ran out on you like a crazy person, and hurt you doing it. Nothing in the way that you looked at me changed. You still looked at me and saw me, saw someone you wanted to help, someone you wanted to get to know on a deeper level, someone you wanted to love. You - just like that, you decided to love me; and not even in spite of, but because of who I was.” TK licks his lips before continuing, tasting salt from the tears he hadn’t noticed had started to fall.

“And even with all the things I’ve told you about my past since then, about the things I’ve done while I was high out of my mind and the things I did to get high or even to conceal how bad it had really gotten, you just kept loving me and believing in me and seeing me. And baby,” TK lifts Carlos’ chin so they’re face to face, rubbing his thumb just to the side and underneath his lower lip, seeing it catch on his thumb and drag slightly with the movement. It’s feels like forever since every place on their bodies became little spots in the world that were among the most familiar to the other’s touch, since every point on their bodies became one suited for providing and receiving physical comfort from the other. “Baby” he repeats, “I could never do anything short of doing you the same courtesy.”

Tags under the cut!

I again have no idea who’s done it and who’s not, so I’ll tag every one of my mutuals, also just for taking the chance to say thank you again (to those I have talked with) and just thank you (to those I haven’t yet) for making this fandom such a nice place and welcoming me into it ! I’m starting to feel more and more a part of it, and that’s really awesome, cause I really like it here! 😌 😊 🙃

And if I have any followers that I’m for some reason not mutuals with, consider this the openest of open tags if you wanna participate!!!!!!!!!!

@heartstringsduet @craftytragedysalad @paperstorm @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @thisbuildinghasfeelings @never-blooms @catanisspicy @lightningboltreader @lemonlyman-dotcom @welcometololaland

[yayakoishii]

tastes like vinegar | Taiga x Reader

Fandom: Idaten Jump

Pairing: Samejima Taiga x GN! Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Genre/Tags: Jealous Taiga, Insecurities, Spoilers upto Ep. 28

Summary: Taiga gets jealous of Koei when you praise the ninja rider and his bike.

A/n: I was feeling really in love with Taiga after his match against Arthur and the way he took the defeat so well– he's just the best 😭 I want him to have the whole world. My mind was blank of ideas and then I thought, "what if... jealous Taiga!!" and Koei is such a good target for his jealousy 😂

The title of the fic is a reference to a phrase I often see in Chinese novels and dramas– vinegar is like a metaphor for jealousy. So when someone is jealous, they say that it looks like the person has swallowed vinegar.

also available on ao3!

"...amazing how he can control it that high up," you were going off about Aero Scissors.

Normally, outings were reserved for Taiga and you to talk about yourselves and your work but he hadn't realised that your work as a mechanic would include you talking about Koei. (His MTB, actually, but the green monster inside his chest was focusing more on the person who owned the bike.)

There was a shine in your eye as you spoke, chopsticks holding hands waving about over your bowl of noodles while you explained how the lighter frame of Aero Scissors made it easier for the wind to lift it or something along those lines. Taiga could never ignore what you were saying so he had to sit there and listen to you heap praise on the build of the bike and also its rider for how well he controlled and rode it.

"... different from Bloody Fang, of course," you paused when you noted how quiet Taiga was, unlike his usual self. He would always hum or nod when you were talking to show that he was listening, but today, all his attention was focused on his bowl in a weirdly intense manner. "Are you okay?"

"Hm?" Taiga looked up at you and blinked at your concern. "I'm alright."

"Am I talking too much?" You asked with an easy smile before taking your first bite after quite a while. Taiga smiled back and shook his head. "Then, something on your mind? Something you wanna say instead of listening to me yap about bikes?"

"No, you can continue," Taiga gestured, his own chopsticks just moving the noodles around in his bowl. "I'm listening."

You watched him quietly for a few seconds as you chewed thoughtfully then shrugged and decided to finish what you were saying. This time though, you paid closer attention to Taiga's microexpressions and noted the brief notes of anger and sadness whenever you mentioned Koei or praised Gabu's skills as a racer.

"It's all super interesting," you said mildly, looking down at your own bowl instead of Taiga. "I'm lucky I get to see them up close. It took me a while to get Koei to trust me enough to examine Aero Scissors but he's a pretty nice guy once you get to know him. I can't blame him for not trusting me after those four keep meddling with him, y'know? Since I'm also in Sharktooth…"

Taiga seemed to have frozen in the middle of what you had said. He couldn't help but wonder at your words. Was there a possibility that you might… like Koei? There was already something about the ninja that made him deeply uncomfortable but now, there was this inexplicable anger and feeling of inferiority that Taiga was feeling towards him. He didn't like feeling like that one bit.

A gentle nudge to his elbow startled Taiga out of his own thoughts and he looked at you. You were sitting much closer to him than before, your empty bowl pushed aside so that your arm was bumping into his. Your head was turned to face him and the expression you had on was… unusual.

"What?" He swallowed, pushing down the snap in his voice that was about to automatically surface from even thinking about Koei. You smiled softly at him, the same smile that always made his heart skip a beat. Now, Taiga wondered if you smiled that way towards Koei too.

Koei was older, a good rider, a caring brother… There was no reason for you to choose Taiga over Koei. So to speak, Taiga himself had lost to both Yamato Shō and Arthur and if you were disappointed in him and thought Koei was better for winning against Arthur… Then there wasn't anything wrong in that. Taiga could understand that. But that didn't mean he had to like it.

The idea of Koei taking you out on dates, holding your hand, having dinner with you like he was doing right now– it made his chest feel too tight and suffocating. Like something was inserting a thousand needles into his heart.

"What are you thinking about?" You asked, eyes knowing. Taiga blinked and looked away, trying not to show his hurt on his face. He couldn't lie to you but…

"Nothing," he muttered instead. Lying by omission was still lying but he couldn't tell you what he felt. It was easier to just stay away and console his broken heart while you got together with Koei.

"I can tell you're not thinking about nothing," you said, poking him with your index finger. A sad smile crawled over your face and you tilted your head before asking, "Do you know what my dream is?"

Taiga looked at you in question, confused by the sudden change in topic. You smiled and looked away, giving your empty bowl back to the shopkeeper before you continued.

"C'mon, you gotta guess," you teased. Taiga hurriedly finished his own bowl while he thought over the whole time he has known you, every bit of information you had told him about yourself that he had carefully stored in the nooks of his heart for safe-keeping. You let him think, quietly humming to yourself as he did and Taiga only answered you after the two of you had left the shop.

"To build a bike by yourself." He wasn't super confident but he still said it firmly. If it wasn't this, then he had surely failed you. Your look of surprise answered him before you did.

"You really do pay attention to me," you said, a little in awe. "I never outright told you and you still figured it out. Ha... You're amazing, Taiga."

Was he? But he wasn't amazing enough for you to like him, right? Then what was the use of being so good at something like this? He couldn't even impress you more than some guy who was lower in rank than him. Right now, amazing doesn't feel enough.

"Well, you definitely don't know the answer to this question, though," you said confidently. The two of you were walking back home, footsteps slow and steady so that you could talk longer, taking the longer path though you both knew plenty of shortcuts. Taiga looked at you curiously and it only made you grin as you asked, "Who do I want to build that bike for?"

Taiga stopped in his tracks. You had someone in mind that you wanted to ride the ultimate bike you would make someday? He didn't have an answer for that. He hadn't thought that you would want someone specific to have that bike, but it made sense. Of course, you would want a really great rider to own your bike. There were so many around you, so if you had chosen someone, it wouldn't be that unbelievable.

"No," he admitted after resuming walking. You, who had stopped beside him, matched his speed. "I don't know the answer to this one."

"Ah," you tutted lowly, looking up at the night sky. "I guess you don't know all of me yet, Taiga."

"Guess not," he sneaked a peek at your profile, illuminated by the moonlight and the street lamps and the LED lights of shops around the two of you. Even in that weird clash, you seemed to glow like the beautiful person he knew you were. You could have anyone in the world. Someone like you deserved to choose the best for yourself.

"Do you wanna know the answer?" You finally looked at him again and Taiga felt his feet root to the spot at the gleam in your eye. The excitement to share something with him. He was curious, but it also felt like the answer had the ability to hurt him. If you said the name of Koei, or someone like Arthur even, he was not sure if his heart could take it. "Okay, how about I give you a hint? He is my favourite rider in the whole world."

Oh.

Taiga looked at you, wide eyed. Your hands were joined behind your back as you gave him a soft smile. Taiga had known you for months now, months spent learning the most random bits of information about you. But the one bit that was the most important to him was that…

Your favourite rider was Taiga.

You had said it teasingly a few times. Every time, he took it as a joke, not letting himself hope, but the way you were looking at him right now, he could tell that you were serious. Your eyes flitted away nervously.

"He's…," you sounded shy, "a bit of an idiot, but he's really so cool. He's such an amazing rider and I want to make a bike for him that lets his skills shine through, you know? Something that can shine with him, so that everyone gets to know how talented he is. I want to study all these Idaten bikes and other interesting MTBs so that I can take all that knowledge and make him a masterpiece that he will love."

Taiga didn't really know what to say. The thoughts from half an hour back that were scared that you might like Koei had floated away. Your dream was to make a bike for him. Koei was not the one getting a bike made by you. Taiga was. If that didn't show who you clearly favoured then… What did?

"Are you…" he hesitated, "Are you sure you want to give it to him? There might be better riders out there that would–"

"No one is a better fit than him," you said confidently. "After all, I'm making it for him. Because I want him to have it. How can something made specifically for you suit someone else better?"

You started walking again and for a few seconds, Taiga just stared at your back, watching the distance between you grow until you stopped and turned your head back to give him a lovely smile. The smile that always made his heart beat faster because it meant that you were truly happy.

"He is an idiot," you paused and winked at him, "but he's my favourite for a reason, y'know?"

°•❀•°

[dominijoyce]

Some Feelings About Disco Elysium

I wanna say, I've never really related to the need of wanting more represantation of your culture and/or community. I understoon the idea and why actual represantation beyond headcanon and fandom interpretation was something many people strive for and need more of. I just never personally could relate to that need - even if it revolved around cultures and communities I am a part of.

Yes, I was always happy when I saw a represantation of those like me, especially if said represantation is positive but I never felt that "I needed this".

Well at least not until playing and finishing Disco Elysium.

I do not want this to be some extremelly long personal post so I will not go in detail of the game itself but as someone who has suffered from psychosis for years now, I don't think I have ever felt so close to the protagonist of the game as I did with Harry.

While I also see Harry as plural, For the entire game I couldn't help but keep thinking how Skills [and items like Necktie] talking to Harry is quite literally how I experience everyday through my life with auditory hallucinations that incidentally do manifest as random inputs out of nowhere in my head that are impossible to locate the source from.

And the way Harry talks, the way he interracts with the world - even if you decide to only pick the most "sane" of the given dialogue options, you still may struggle heavily to be seen as "normal" by other characters in the game. That one is something heavily personal to me as well - when even at the times of me trying my best to mask, the symptoms and effects of my psychosis among other mental disorders still manage to come out and possibly freak others.

And just... In general showing Harry's struggle and him being intense and quite often not being sure what was the intention of his actions either, not knowing why he cannot put the phone down, not being able to stop what he's doing even when he knows he already failed [specifically talking of when you lose a Check but cannot back out even if technically nothing is stopping him from shutting up or not continuing to harm himself, etc.].

He is lost, yes he is a complete amnesiac so that's given but even in later stages of the game where he recovers some parts of himself and the world around him, he is still struggling and quite often openly talking of needing a break and just, stoping everything around him.

I could go on, yes but it would be repetetive of me and if you played the game you probably are able to yourself name multiple other characteristics of Harry not being "sane" no matter how hard he/player might try.

I'm listing all of those because as I mentioned, those are heavily personal and relatable things to me as well. Dare I say, except for amnesia, sometimes my daily life does just feel like playing Disco Elysium. [Although I do suffer from micro-amnesic episodes as well...]

And I didn't know I needed a protagonist like Harry Du Bois in my life, I didn't know I needed a game like Disco Elysium in my life that lets you put on the shoes of a canonically psychotic character and written in a purposefully ugly way. Not romanticising it but also being respectful and not treating Harry as a monster nor a person who will never be part of the society [the ending of the game hit way too close to my heart...]. The game doesn't beat around the bush or tries to minimize the horrors of his mind or characterize them in the way where it feels like the game's genre is meant to be fantasy instead.

The game and the writing of Disco Elysium is just... honest. Honest is a good word. It shows you both the ugliest and the prettiest and the most hurtful and the most hopeful of Harry's mind. And before playing Disco Elysium, I struggled heavily to sometimes explain the way my mind works, even to myself - to put pieces of it in place or category. But Disco Elysium made me able to and able to notice certain patterns or realize certain things of what is going on with me. I needed this game in my life, I needed this protagonist in my life and I didn't know I did until I finished it.

I suppose it is no surprise I will now consider Disco Elysium my favorite game and keep recommending it to people who can handle heavy subject the game tackles. It is also no surprise that I have already started my second playthrough of the game. The way mentality of Harry is written is just one of many other amazingly written aspects of the game. The game's story made me emotional, the game's characters made me emotional, the setting made me emotional and there is still so much content I haven't managed to explore on my first playthrough. Not to mention I cried twice or thrice during it. It is a masterpiece, I believe.

Thank you, Robert Kurvitz. Thank you, Aleksander Rostov. Thank you Helen Hindpere. Thank you for creating and writing an experience so close to mine I didn't know I needed to see represented.

[golbrocklovely]

Ignoring the rest of the fandom, are you gonna do an analysis of the parts of the video you found interesting? Because that would be super interesting to read/hear as usually you give very good analysis of things and I'd be super interested to hear what parts interested you the most.

these might be a bit out of place compared to the podcast, but here are some parts that stuck out to me.

also omg this became so long so... grab a snack or something lol

i think it was really telling, and also interesting, to hear about sam's dad and how involved he was with snc and their careers early on. first off, his dad retiring at 47 is crazy, so clearly he was business savvy man and i'm glad to hear how much he helped the boys in the beginning and made sure to really help navigate them. the telling part to all of this is the fact that one of my assumption for the longest time was that colby's family (not his mom, but everyone else - especially his dad) were not as supportive. and this was kinda proof of it. i think they both have relatively conservative families, but colby's is clearly more conservative than sam's. bc if you saw your son being passionate about something and instead of being supportive, you kinda shoot him down - even tho he is finding success and making money from it - you come across like a bad parent in my eyes. it's one thing to be concerned, of course. but it's another thing to be discouraging.

i always had a feeling his family wasn't supportive, given the fact he never even mentions his family besides his mom and occasionally his brother, but this really nailed it on the head for me. it really brings me back to when snc hit some high number of subs, like 6 mil or more, and colby's dad texted him something like "6 mil. that's cool." or something extremely vague like that. and i'm like…… you wanna try to sound a little enthused there, pops??? lol

them, in general, talking about the bts-business stuff was honestly really intriguing to me. bc i've always wondered what happens on the back end of their content, since they never really talk about it. hearing them have adsense taken away from them bc they signed to a shady mcm is so surprising bc they have never mentioned that before. and it honestly makes me wonder if that was why they started their separate channels. i think they had mentioned years ago that they made their personal channels bc they wanted to make content that was outside the snc brand or that just wouldn't have fit on there, so i wonder if part of that was due to not having as much adsense for so long and just needing another avenue to gain money.

i think something else that i thought was cool to hear about was the beginning stages of their confidence journey back when they were in hs. it's an interesting conversation to be had that they (and probably many other guys) grew their social confidence thru disturbing the peace or getting girls' numbers and things of that nature but then comparing that to how girls gain confidence. bc i was the same way as them growing - i was shy, introverted, and socially awkward. and i just feel like all of those things that they claimed to do: the pranks, the "go game", things of that nature, that wouldn't have led me to being more confident. that would have just made me feel foolish, or even less social. but that's also, i think, just my general demeanor anyway. i wish they would have went a little more in depth when asked "why were you so introverted" or however the interviewer put it. bc that would have been a really interesting conversation. too bad they didn't stay on that too long.

like @xplrvibes mentioned, the anxiety conversation really just showed the difference between sam who has situational/occasional anxiety vs colby who (most likely, but i'm no doctor) has an anxiety disorder. to say your most confident was at 15 and you have to continue to stretch your social muscles…. that's not how """"normal"""" ppl work. but i get colby truly. it makes sense why he is a bit of a recluse sometimes or likes his alone time. i think this also weirdly shows that colby, while introverted/a loner naturally, can make friends easily vs sam, who likes to be around others, interestingly can't make friends all too well. or at least comes across awkwardly (by his own admission).

i liked their in depth talk about the killing best friend prank bc they haven't talked about it in years. i vividly remember when that happened and i was so shocked by the idea of it that i didn't watch it and it was before i was even a fan of them. still to this day haven't seen the whole thing. but it was nice to hear sam admit that he was in on it, even tho i know in years past he said the same thing. but so many ppl still believe he wasn't… idk. i personally think he was. plus he literally admitted he taught himself to cry (which… sounds very sociopathic, but i digress lol).

i saw a couple ppl freak out on them for saying that "if we did the following fat ppl vine now, it probably wouldn't be as much of an issue" which… is literally not what they said, but is what ppl claim they were saying. but i get what snc actually meant, which is that if they were starting out again, today, at the age they were all the way back in the day - no one would care about them the same way they have in the past. the pr stunts that they have done over the years that surprisingly worked would most likely not now. i think in a way they would get lost in the shuffle of other content creators. but part of that also is bc of what trends now vs what used to be new and exciting back then. but it is worth noting how many times things have worked out for snc in the end. xplr gods might actually be on their side after all lol

even tho i know snc have kinda done it et nauseum at this point, i do find the topic of the conjuring house interesting. especially since they made this whole spectacle about it bts to friends and really wanted other ppl's opinions on it and what they captured. and i think that, regardless of how you feel about snc or cody and satori, shows that snc really do believe what happened there and were extremely moved by it. that was obvious on camera as well, but i think it's sweet in a way how excited they were and still are about what they experienced there, whether it was technically real or not. i wish there was a way they could talk about it without debunkers losing their minds.

okay so there is a part where snc are talking about the devil's rocking chair, and colby let's slip that he felt like there was a voice telling him to stay in the chair longer…….. and i just need everyone to know that i hate when colby doesn't say that shit while it's happen and instead holds onto it for years and then casually says "oh yeah btw". like???? his empathic nature towards spirits and whatnot is so fascinating to me and i direly need to to explore that more, especially when snc have made it known that they want to work with less equipment/be more open.

the one thing i will fault these two guys interviewing snc for is when they got onto the topic of colby's cancer, colby alluded to there being some underlying trauma when it came to his cancer. that going thru chemo was fine during, but has caused trauma down the line. and like, i would love to know what he means by that. bc a lot of the time, when he talks about this, he alludes to there being something right under the surface, but no one ever presses him on it. of course, i get why some wouldn't do that, but i am genuinely curious. especially since colby always leads with "guys, it surprisingly wasn't that bad. and i'm doing a-okay now" which… hey that's great, but feels not quite right. i pray that colby took time to just, idk, cry or freak out or get angry - SOME FORM of emotion that wasn't just calm, cool, collected. it's great he was optimistic and kept his head up the whole time. that's fantastic. but i worry he's not allowing himself to feel everything fully. and you know, maybe a podcast isn't the place to do that on, sure; but i hope he's done it on his own time.

i think the final thing i want to say that i found interesting is the discussion they had about productivity. imma be honest, i'm very concerned in the long run as to how things are gonna work out for them. bc you have colby who clearly wants a break and needs one at some point, and then you have sam who feels like shit if he's NOT working. that at one point he felt like it was his purpose to work and without working, he didn't have one. and i get they have found a "balance" or so they say on that, but i just feel like in the long run if sam doesn't calm the fuck down on working constantly, he's gonna burn the both of them out. also everything he was talking about when it came to productivity and having that tied to how he feels about himself and whatnot… he sounded like he was about to have a break down or something. he sounded neurotic, and honestly i'm concerned for sam. also measuring every action you do in whether it's productive or not or HOW it's product and to what… dear god, just go to therapy. holy shit.

okay. i think that was everything. sorry this was super long, but hopefully that makes up for me taking like two days to respond lol

[coldninjaruins-blog]

Be fr when was the last time lesbians got rep and weren’t passed over for men? We’re bottom of pile they don’t like us! And females going insane over m/m further pushes us into the dark do you even know how bad it is? Our shows get cancelled lesbians are normally top of the list for bury your gay tropes.

So does that mean that as a lesbian I am not allowed to like any mlm ship? The fact that shows with wlw couples are cancelled while shows with mlm couples are renewed again and again is a huge issue that should be discussed, I'm not denying that.

It bothers me a lot, it's tiring and frustrating.

But does that mean I can't root for a mlm ship or enjoy it? Here I am going to talk about my personal case, I am NOT trying to speak for other lesbians.

I am speaking only for myself.

90% of the queer content I consume is lesbian or sapphic. I don't consume as much mlm content because I'm not that interested in it and that's fine. The last time I saw something with an mlm couple was Bad buddy (which I loved by the way).

That doesn't mean I can't enjoy mlm ships or even straight ones because I think if a couple is well written I'm going to like it regardless of the gender of the characters ( That's why I also can't ship the lesbian version of a straight ship I don't like, they suck and will continue to suck for me regardless if they were both boys, girls or a boy and a girl. I don't like their story and I'm going to continue to dislike it no matter what).

Now back to my point, if you check my blog you'll see that I don't ship any other ship mlm from stranger things besides byler, none. I just don't care about them.

I like byler because I like their history, it resonates with me. Here I could talk about how beautiful I think their relationship is, how the special bond they have from the beginning of the show and their friendship, the fact how they always trust each other no matter what it's what makes me love them as much as I do and how a queer slowburn childhood best friends to lovers is just my cup of tea and go on for years and years about it but probably you don't wanna read that so...

As a queer person I see a lot of me in Will specifically and his struggles with his sexuality, I want him to be happy so much.

People want so badly to lump byler into the category of "ships mlm that straight girls fetishize" but sadly... they don't fit in there :/

The byler fandom is mostly made up of queer people, and a large percentage of those people are specifically queer women. So yeah, it really bothers me a lot when people call us lesbophobic or say we hate sapphic specially when

1)A lot of us are sapphic.

2) Some of those who say it are mlvns who just say it because it's about byler.

Mlvns using rovickie when they never gaf about them just to throw shit at byler doesn't sit right with me and it's not the first time they've used a wlw ship to attack bylers and call us lesbophobes. It also happened last year with the scripts polls.

They called us lesbophobes because we voted for the Mike and Will scene over the Elmax scene, we just voted for our ship scene. And what did these people do when the elmax script came out? They made it about their straight ship.

Again bylers are mostly queer people who are rotating for a queer ship so it doesn't make sense to me that gay people wanting a queer couple with main characters in a big show like stranger things to happen = lesbophobia????

[mdhwrites]

I just wanna say, thanks for your takes. Like, everybody acts like TOH is this bold masterpiece whose all flaws can be blamed on Disney and, while on some level this is true, I can't help but feel frustated with the inconsistencies and wasted potential it has that go back since fricking season ONE! So it's nice to see someone criticizing the show but not in a bad faith way, ya know? Thanks.

Thank you! It genuinely means a lot to me. It can feel like I'm screaming into the void a lot of the time or just circle jerking my opinions. The 'good faith' implication of your kind words especially is resonant because, well, I've gotten a lot of people claiming that I must have not watched the show or something. Which, if I really thought the show was literally all bad or just watched it to hate it, I wouldn't talk about it as much because a piece of media that only fails isn't as interesting as one that succeeded so much at one point.

But… I actually to take a moment to talk about the fandom's intolerance towards criticism in possibly a more good faith manner than I have. I've been too mean in the past and, well, the show kind of asks for it. Asks that if you think critically of it, you HAVE to come up positive.

How did the show do this? Well, remember that the VERY SECOND EPISODE is spent entirely around the concept that this show doesn't have Chosen Ones. A cliche trope of some other fantasy had an entire episode devoted to it with constant hammerings in of the final lesson: No one here is designated as special. No one follows that trope.

That isn't even subversive comedy. That is just explicitly going out of your way to point at a trope that people are lukewarm about at best commonly and stating "I dislike this. This isn't here. We're BETTER." Worse yet, the show DOES revel in subversive comedy that reinforces this viewpoint or continues to make plot points that are explicitly against common story telling in the genre, like Willow saying they're not friends yet.

This, naturally, begs comparison. Begs critical thinking. Not even negative in theory, just… A more critical eye anyways. After all, if the explicit text says it's better, it is inherently asking to be judged as above average. As something special.

So, for much of the audience, you have two options. One:

You agree. You think it is as special as it claims to be and find higher value in its storytelling and themes and quality. You stay on its wavelength and are pushed more and more to continue to think it's the best when the show says it is.

OR

You disagree. You think the show, even if you don't think it's bad, is okay. Average to good. It's not the special thing it claims to be though and so you have fallen out of step with it. After that, every time it does something other shows would do, let alone when it says it's not, it nags at some part of your brain. Because the show itself is claiming to be better than your perception of it.

This second mindset makes good faith criticism more difficult because every small mistake is going to feel larger. Things that would be normal and waved off in other shows can't be now. Can you reconcile with this? Of course. Plenty of people wanting my thoughts have stated they still like the show but there are going to be some who once the unraveling begins… There's no stopping it.

And it actually effects the person in line with the show as well. Why do people blame Disney and the shortening for all the problems of the show despite all the leaps of logic required to do so? Because it helps them get back into step with the show. It makes it easier to claim that its boasts are valid and only stopped because the 'true vision' of the piece wasn't realized.

And reasonably, this makes for a VERY hostile environment. Criticism that wouldn't even be blinked at with other shows like a silly mcguffin or a funny plot hole become insurmountable problems. After all, the show claims to be better than that. You saying ANYTHING negative, means that the show itself is wrong and you risk falling out of step.

Even worse is that this is a self devouring serpent. If you agree the work is special, the work stops having to say it's special to continue having that perception by fans. They'll claim ANYTHING to keep raising the bar to meet the expectation. Every character is clearly nuerodivergent or disabled in some way. Or both! Luz is unlike any protagonist ever in media! Lumity is literally as perfect as you could make a couple in media!

And so you keep feeding the serpent, bringing the point of the serpent where something slips up and you are devoured along side with the last of it ever closer. Because now if it fails the expectations you've put on it… Everything's over.

And that just sucks and isn't healthy for anyone. It should be okay for your favorite piece of media to be just average. I mean, my favorite comedy is still Emperor's New Groove and I'm not going to claim it's somehow on a whole different plane of existence. It just has good animation, good comedy, good heart, etc. like that without being offensive. It does its job telling an entertaining and coherent story very well and in a way that I just have never let go of.

I don't need it to be more than that. And media shouldn't be asked to be more than that.

[macksting]

Murderbot: System Collapse (and Susan Pompoms)

This is not exactly spoiler territory but I'm still putting it below a cut. (It might qualify as spoilers for El Goonish Shive, but I kinda feel the same about that in this case too.)

Bharadwaj says even good change is stressful.

A relatively recent page of El Goonish Shive has a character facing this head-on. Unfortunately for Susan, she wants to be rational about things, even though she knows she sometimes isn't, and seems to consider it a bit of a weakness. She's harder on herself than she is on others. Big Mood. We have to deal with our own bullshit 24/7; at least when we sleep or are alone we aren't around someone else's that often, and even then it's a different angle on the subject and, in my experiences, compassion is easier.

[ID: El Goonish Shive page. Susan and Sarah are standing talking on the roof of the high school. Susan is facing away, distraught and trying to hide her expression as she has lost her composure. Sarah suggests, pursuant to a page omitted, "It, um. Maybe you're upset by change?" Susan, still facing away, incredulously asks, "By good change? Not the store closing, but... quitting a job I don't want? Being done with this school? Not having to deal with that terrible locker anymore?" Sarah, concerned but calm, continues her supposition: "Well, I mean... You've worked there for years, and you've been here for years. It's what's normal for you, and... there is stuff you like about both places, right? Like, you started your movie review show with Elliot because of your job, and... you have friends here. You met Catalina here. Got to know Elliot and Tedd here." Susan half-smiles, her expression still bearing the strain of the strong emotions she's navigating, and asks, "And what's there to like about a locker with a sticky door?" Sarah smiles and replies, "You share it with me?" Susan, the sardonic half-smile gone, turns to face her more fully, and with a haunting expression as she comes to terms with it, pauses and says, "I want to hang out more." /end ID] So, y'know, right now I'm a mess. One little line messes me up so much. okay from here on I'm just fangirling to clarify shit. If you don't wanna hear me ramble about these fandoms in the abstract, adios. If you're a Murderbot fan wondering what this is about, El Goonish Shive is a webcomic that's been going since 2002, is unapologetically queer, has both accidentally and deliberately given earnest and deeply compassionate portrayals of queerness and neurodivergence, and also is just interesting, clever, and has a really big cry button moment as early as 2003. Susan in particular doesn't use the label asexual; Dan Shive considers her sexuality representative of his own, and is personally uncomfortable committing to restrictive labels such as that, though he knows how important they can be as well. She is beloved by asexual fans, okay frankly she's beloved by all fans because she's a complex, fascinating character whose political and philosophical views are her own, and excuse me I'm a mess again. She's not even my favorite fucking character. If you're an El Goonish Shive fan, I am crying over a construct made of cloned human tissues and robotic parts who is bitter, sardonic, and spent the first few books in a deep depression it was not aware of, has developed into a badass punk, and has an unsophisticated but very personal perspective on oppression, slavery, and artificial consciousness under a corporate dystopian rule. It calls itself "Murderbot" because of an incident it cannot remember that led to it hacking its governor module so that it might never be forced to kill again. It will kill, it's occasionally even Plan A, but it's a choice, not an order. ("As a heartless killing machine, I was a terrible failure." - Book 1: All Systems Red.) It is asexual ("Things. :p"), prolly aromantic, prolly agender, and wonderful.

Then she added, “You know, you can stay here in the crew area if you want. Would you like that?” They all looked at me, most of them smiling. One disadvantage in wearing the armor is that I get used to opaquing the faceplate. I’m out of practice at controlling my expression. Right now I’m pretty sure it was somewhere in the region of stunned horror, or maybe appalled horror.

My favorite installment takes place after the fourth novella, but the first novella is absolutely sufficient as a standalone work of fiction, with a satisfying beginning, middle and end, comes in a glorious audiobook format narrated by Kevin R. Free, and makes me cry a lot. The early "humor me" level cry button for me is when everyone confronts it, and it turns to face a corner to avoid their deeply stressful eye contact. I have heard that fan responses to All Systems Red led the author Martha Wells to seek out an autism diagnosis; compare Dan Shive's "It would explain a lot."

[actual-changeling]

hi, in you post the other day you said that some authors `wrongly portray PTSD` ? can you axplain what you mean by that?

Hi anon!

I assume you are referring to this post, though I have made a couple at this point.

When it comes down to it, I mostly mean two things with that: ignoring their PTSD and trauma entirely and the portrayal being medically/factually incorrect.

I wish I could say that you can completely ignore the shit that happened to them and still write the characters as they, but in my opinion they are way to intertwined, you cannot separate Joel from his trauma because his trauma MADE him Joel, same with Ellie. Unless it is an AU and/or purposefully written out of character, you have to acknowledge their PTSD in some way. And mind you, even in most AUs people still include Sarah's death and Ellie's traumatic experiences because they are defining to their characters.

Still, my issue isn't even with people completely ignoring it (honestly if you wanna do that please do! let them be carefree and happy), the problem arises when people continue to write them the way they are, PTSD symptoms and all, but do not acknowledge it whatsoever. Ellie flinches and it's portrayed as funny, Joel is anxiously overbearing and it's written as "oh he is just like that", I am talking about authors taking serious disordered symptoms and depathologizing them. This is dangerous because it means people who aren't as educated on the matter read that and think those experiences are normal. They are not.

The second problem is people writing PTSD and other disorders in a way that is medically incorrect, either out of pure ignorance/lack of education or on purpose because it serves their plot.

Before I explain why exactly that is an issue though I wanna say that there IS a third version of this one where it is okay. If you have PTSD/whatever disorder it is about and write it in a way that provides catharsis to you or helps you process something that is 100% alright, you are not contributing to the problem. Writing is personal and sometimes we don't want the shit we go through on the daily to be as heavy as it actually is, just the comfort we can come up with. So if you are reading this and worried I mean you: I don't, promise.

Now, the problem. I think the most obvious one is the fact that it is inaccurate representation that can not only give people false information but also contribute to stereotypes. If you are not educated enough to write an accurate portrayal of PTSD the one you do write will be based on ableist stereotypes society throws at us.

I have read fics not just in this fandom but basically all the other ones I have been in where panic attacks and triggers are healed by "the power of love", where panic attacks are always excessive hyperventilation and laying on the floor and it's the only symptom they have, where bad memories are erased because the person they like suddenly does love them back. Any symptoms that would require someone to actually understand how trauma affects someone are just fully erased or ignored. People get triggered and it's either "haha funny look how they flinch" or "you are evil for showing symptoms" - not even intentionally, but the way people write about it expresses exactly that to someone who has PTSD. There are inaccurate depictions of dissociation like "they pass out and need to be carried home" which is simply not how it works at all, or contradictory things like "they dissociated the whole time but still remember every little things" (if you didn't know, dissociation prevents memories from forming, it is not possible to heavily dissociate and then remember everything afterward).

I could go on and on about the shit I have seen, but I think this explains what exactly I meant by "inaccurate portrayals of PTSD". It contributes to ableism and stereotypes and unless you have PTSD yourself you have no business writing it like this. Trauma isn't your playground, either do it properly or not at all.

I hope this helped you understand anon, feel free to leave another ask if you have more questions or need something clarified, I am always happy to respond! I hope you have a good day <3

[ghostboneswrites2]

I think you're literally the only person I've ever see show common sense regarding shipping and adult and kids. Like fr if I say it's wrong I get hit by barrage of it's fiction, it's not real, it's a coping mechanism, it's ship and let ship, pro shipping is valid. I see so many posts going round saying it's not ethical to criticise a fictional ship that's problematic because it's not real. But for example using Cegan faces via the actors is JDM and Chandler Riggs who is a child. Like I feel like I'm going insane sometimes. Also people who deliberately write incest or stuff like that because they are into it or are drawn to it like... I've had people say it's only fictional incest they're obsessed with. It's not like it's part of a plot like house of the dragon where it's also looked down on and hated in their fictional world. It's like people are writing it for their own gratification and that worries me. I wrote JDM x OC because I'm heavily into JDM and writing Negan is living vicariously. I project on to an adult oc. But to ship Cegan is to project you're sexually attracted to either children or the idea of an adult and kids together which is just hugely gross

Absolutely NO hate to this anon bc I fully agree but do want to both answer this ask and use it as a quick little PSA that I will no longer respond to shipping discourse on this blog. This will be the last one! I don’t want any of this drama to deter my followers and cloud their feeds. Henceforth this blog is Daryl fanfiction only! 💚 ((If you do want to talk about this feel free to use my other blog @crxss-bxw))

Anyways, yeah I fully agree. Writing adult x child content is incredibly sus and so is consuming it.

I like to assume (for my own mental health) that most of them are kids and they just have the hots for an adult character so they think it’s okay but the sad reality is that a lot of the people participating in these pedophilic ships are adults and it’s a form of grooming imo to put that sort of content out there and normalize it.

It desensitizes the reader to things like pedophilia (or in other cases incest or beastiality).

They can say “minors DNI” all day but that’s not gonna stop a minor from interacting.

They can call it a coping mechanism all day but if you’re a victim of CSA then you need therapy to help you learn real healthy coping mechanisms. You don’t need to seek out adult x child content that romanticizes the very behaviors that traumatized you in the first place. That is doing way more harm than good.

And the “it’s fictional” argument is flimsy and made of straw. Lolita was a work of fiction too, and the entire purpose of that story is to show how sick and twisted the mind of an individual who is attracted to children is. It wasn’t meant to be romanticized. Yet, here we are today, where people regularly romanticize it as if it’s a romance novel when it is indeed quite the opposite.

Not only that, but sites like ao3 literally exist for problematic ships to be posted without backlash, so why act surprised when people on a platform like this one express discomfort with things like pedophilia or incest within their fandoms???

And since you mentioned the actual actors behind the characters, it does feel incredibly harmful for a child actor or an adult actor to have their faces used for content that is literal pedophilia.

Anyways, thanks for the ask & if you wanna continue the conversation or talk about anything else feel free to pm or use the asks on @crxss-bxw. (That goes for anyone. If any of you ceganers show up in my inbox behind an anon on this blog I’m just gonna block u xoxoxo there’s literally nothing you could say to make me change my mind)

[sadistpet]

10 and 20 for the salt asks <3

Munday Asks: Salt Edition

10. any fandom(s) you don't want to rp in or crossover to?

if i ever rp in a v*vz*epop related fandom please assume ive been murdered and replaced by an evil doppelganger. i dont think theres any others im really like hard set on except for shit like. idk. hetalia. like stuff i dont really vibe with. i dont know if k*ll*ng st*lking fans still exist but as someone w bpd i dont wanna be around that shit either. i think those are the only really hard ones, im fine roleplaying with most fandoms even if i dont know many of them lmao

and yes this includes genshin. one day ill make a genshin au. sorry genshin haters the lesbians intrigued me

20. if you're feeling salty right now, this ask gives you free reign to pour out your frustration.

im more frustrated than salty atm tbh because tumblr is being DEMONIC and not letting me paste things. and also i think my mouse is fucking up. starts exploding violently but also im listening to bombshell blonde by owl city so maybe im normal a bit. who the fuck am i kidding no im not

SO. something that irks me personally is the whole... "dni if you use deceased faceclaims" thing? like i get it in terms of comfort, that's totally valid, but when people try to justify it in a moral sense i feel like it just loops back around to being rude? like i saw a post quadbillion years ago talking about how it's immoral to use deceased faceclaims because "they're dead and we're using them for personal gain rather than respect" and "they didn't consent to being used for this" but like. that literally also goes for faceclaims that are currently actually alive lmao. at least in terms of like, actors it feels almost... disrespectful? to be like yeah you can't acknowledge their past works because they're dead. like what. i think in the same post i saw someone say like, they saw people using in an rp circle for some tv show continuing to use the same fc after the actor had died, and it's like. idk, i feel like itd actually be pretty shitty to change the face of a character just because their actor died, especially when actors tend to have very personal relationships to their characters and keep a part of themselves in them.

so that's my hot take. i get it but also i think its stupid

[izzy-b-hands]

Murray/OC transmasc character because. I don't have an excuse lmaooo, i haven't written Reader-adjacent/OC kinda fics in a bit for any fandom, but I've just got a Need To Write Anything rn and this idea won't leave me so

Here we be.

NSFW as well because i wasn't gonna finally take this idea on and not have Murray get some lol.

---

"So, do you think you could manage them too?"

Murray looks to the man sitting on an overturned empty metal rubbish bin by Bret.

Pretty, especially the eyes. Almost grey, but a hint of a pale blue in there as well. Thick dark hair pulled back in a high ponytail that had been braided. He wondered if there was anyone that braided that for them, or if they did it themselves-

"Murray," Jemaine snaps his fingers in front of his face. "Yes or no? Because if it's a no, then Lux needs to get back to ours and get back to work."

Murray frowns. "What? You said Lux is a musician. That makes it sound like they're your house cleaner! No offense meant if that is the case, of course."

"We don't need a house cleaner," Bret says.

"We also don't have a house," Jemaine notes.

"An apartment could still have a house cleaner come by," Lux adds.

"Oh, yeah," Bret nods. "Would you wanna do that for us?"

"Are you paying me?"

Jemaine and Bret look away.

Lux hesitates. "Could I come use your bathroom while I'm busking if I offer to help clean?"

"Yeah, why not?" Jemaine replies. "We aren't that bad though."

Bret gives Murray a knowing look. It could be cleaner. They all know that.

"That matter is settled then," Murray declares. "Just going to add that to the band meeting agenda quickly...there we are!"

"I don't need much help," Lux says. "Someone to help me arrange gigs, mostly. I have a habit of losing or forgetting details about them, or I get busy and don't call back to confirm I'll be there and...yeah."

Lux rubs the back of their neck awkwardly. It's fucking adorable.

Internally, Murray scolds himself. Things have only been properly done with Shelley for a year, and he's not the type for a rebound. He ought to give it another six months to a year at least.

"I can do that," Murray says. "Let's get you a file."

He pulls a manila folder from his desk and an extra legal pad. "Okay. Name?"

"Lux," Lux replies.

"Lux what?"

"Just that," Jemaine says. "Like Prince."

"Or Cher," Bret adds. "Oh, or Kermit!"

"...The Frog?" Murray hesitates. "But he does have a last name: The Frog."

"No," Bret scoffs. "That's like a title. We don't call Lux 'Lux The Human.'"

"We can discuss that in more detail later," Murray sighs. Truthfully, he really just wants to hear Lux talk. Their voice pitches a certain deep note now and again, and it makes his heart pound.

"I play the theremin," Lux says. "But I have some knowledge of wind instruments and strings as well, if you think that would be good to add on."

"But you're only a one person act," Jemaine frowns. "How-"

"Viol strapped to a table by your theremin," Bret suggests. "One hand can use the bow, the other the theremin? I mean it won't sound great-"

"That would sound terrible," Murray wrinkles his nose. "Let's stick with the theremin alone for now."

Lux smiles.

Oh, that's dangerous. He wants to make them smile again.

"Any gimmicks or themes you stick to?" he asks.

Lux ponders it. "Grungy goth? Like, I'm dressed like this-"

Lux stands to show off tight black skinny jeans with a decently large hole ripped in one thigh. It shows off the edge of a tattoo, with no way to tell how big the full piece is.

Over that is a long-sleeved black tunic, and over that a grey knit cardigan.

On their feet, a pair of black leather platforms, and a final pop of color on their ears in the form of red broken heart earrings.

"I see," Murray tries to say it normally, but he can feel Bret's eyes on him.

"Now, part of it is I can't afford new shit right now, but it works," Lux continues. "And the goth bit too is like, all my music is creepy funerary."

"How does busking go with that genre?" Murray asks.

"About as well as you'd expect," Lux giggles. "That's why I need you."

He's got to be imagining the look Lux gives him. They hold his gaze for an extra moment; their hand flies to cover what looks like another smile.

He can't concentrate. Who could?

"So-"

"Guys, maybe you and Murray should finish up your band meeting, and then Murray and I can have our own after?" Lux suggests. "You can still give him all the ideas you have for me, and that way we can discuss them without taking time away from Flight of the Conchords stuff."

"Alright," Jemaine nods. "Where are you-"

"Murray, did you eat lunch?" Lux interrupts.

"Had planned to, but a dog stole my lunch bag again," Murray replies. "He dropped it, but he looked so hungry and he'd already had it in his mouth, so when he grabbed it again..."

"Oh Murray," Bret frowns.

"Like a paper lunch bag or an insulated one?" Jemaine asks.

"Insulated, but I can buy a new one," Murray waves away the question.

"That's lovely," Lux says. "I bet you made that dog's day."

He can feel himself blushing, and Jemaine and Bret staring him down again.

"Well, I didn't have lunch either," Lux continues. "So write down what you want on a sticky note there, and I'll go out and get it. By the time I'm back, it'll probably be time for our meeting."

He jots down a generic fast food order, not really all that concerned with eating for now.

As he hands it to Lux, there's the brush of fingertips. He wonders how lovely Lux's hands look at work with the theremin.

The thought makes him entirely too warm for a band meeting.

"I'll see you in a bit," Lux smiles and leaves with a wave, sticky note in hand.

"Murray," Bret says as the office door closes. "I know what you're thinking."

"That you guys should get some emergency fund money to go buy yourselves each a new cup?"

"No," Bret replies. "Wait, but can we actually? We broke both our cups last week."

"Been using our one bowl and straws for tea," Jemaine adds. "It really burns."

"Not great for the singing voice," Bret says. "Like the opposite of what tea should do for it."

Murray frowns. "That's no good. Here."

He pulls a fifty dollar bill from the envelope of money in his desk drawer. It holds what little savings he has left.

"Go on, and go buy some new cups. A new bowl too!"

"Are you sure?" Jemaine asks as he takes the bill. "Are we done with the band meeting already? Because we didn't really discuss anything about us yet."

"Or about how you definitely want to get with Lux," Bret says.

"Yeah, that too," Jemaine nods.

"Look, I'm not going to be improper," Murray sighs. "I just want to see if there's a connec-"

"No, we know," Bret interrupts. "Earlier, I was trying to say I'm sure you thought Lux was coming on too strongly. We did tell them to be chill-"

"More than once," Jemaine interjects.

"But...I don't know," Bret chuckles. "The more we told them about you, the more dreamy-eyed they got."

"Like how Bret looks at pictures of David Bowie," Jemaine explains.

"Like how we all look at pictures of David Bowie," Bret scoffs. "Don't deny it."

"He's right," Murray nods. "So... they're into me? Like for real?"

Jemaine and Bret nod.

"I think we should go buy some cups," Bret smiles. "And let Murray prepare for Lux's onboarding band meeting."

They leave discussing what kinds of cups they want, and if they might even have enough for some plates, and normally Murray would feel sad at their leaving.

But today, he's happy to watch them go.

--

"Here we are," Lux sets the bag of fast food on his desk. "How did it go with the boys?"

"Fine," Murray replies. "Went over the usual things. You know."

"Like what?"

Neither of them have made a move for the food, and he has a feeling it might be cold by the time they get to it.

He's very much alright with that.

"What sort of gigs they want," Murray says. "If they have new merch ideas."

"Ooh, speaking of," Lux says. "I had kind of a weird idea for merch for me."

"Oh?"

"So, when I'm bored I sit and redesign the logo I made for myself. Still the same general idea, but different colours, patterns," Lux continues. "It's a simple one, but I thought maybe patches or stickers, or, if we partner with a tattoo shop, I could sell them as tattoo designs."

Before he can speak, Lux stands from Jemaine's chair.

"I can show you the logo, if you want."

Murray nods. "Let's see it."

Lux blushes and lifts their shirt to show off a simple, yet flashy design of their name in black and red.

The tattoo sits just at the bottom of Lux's ribcage, and while there's nothing inherently sexual about the location, the flash of skin is about to do him in.

"Like what you see?"

Murray nods, then shakes his head. "Wait, no, I do like the design and the ideas! I didn't want..it came off like-"

"I know," Lux interrupts softly. "And I was asking both ways."

He hasn't felt like this since his first years with Shelley, and only now does he realize how much he's missed it.

"I know with any big record company or music agency this would be something frowned upon," Lux says. "But you already manage a band and have your consulate job. So I trust you with that mix of priorities."

Murray nods. "Um. Does that mean. Well, it must mean, no, must is presumptuous-"

"I'm waiting for you to kiss me," Lux says, and steps behind his desk.

He's certain he's going to fumble some part of this. And if it ends things right here, then so be it. He's not going to let that hold him back.

He stands and pulls Lux into a kiss. His hands toy with the edge of their tunic, but he goes no further until Lux nods and tosses the tunic off and aside.

"You're still serious about this, right?" Murray asks.

"I am," Lux replies, and leans up to kiss his neck.

"Such a mean manager," they joke in between kisses. "Making me wait so long."

"For what?" Murray asks, just before the lightbulb goes off. "Oh! Oh, well, I don't want to be too mean-"

Lux's hand rests on his belt buckle, a nonverbal question.

"Yes, please," Murray says, trying to sound like he isn't begging. But he can admit he is, a little bit. So much for not being desperate for a rebound.

The rest of their clothes come off in short order, dropped to the floor around his desk.

Lux sits on his desk. "I hope you know I'm not just trying to get in your pants for my music. And Bret told me to think realistically but..."

They hesitate. "If you'd maybe want to see if this could be more than a one night thing... I'd like that. If you would too, and if not that's perfectly fine of course-"

"I'd like that," Murray interrupts as gently as he can. "Maybe after this, we could take the food back to mine and heat it up? Have a movie night together."

Lux beams and nods, and he feels like he just won a fucking Grammy.

"Oh," Lux says as he drops to his knees in front of their spread legs. "You don't have to if you don't want to. Not everyone-"

"What, wants to go down on you?" Murray asks. "Why wouldn't they?"

Lux shrugs. "I've only been with a few guys that were into it with me."

"Well, their loss," Murray says, and wraps his arms around Lux's thighs to keep them in place.

He focuses solely on doing everything he can to make their legs shake. Sucking and licking at their cock, tongue lapping at their folds, and his nose pressing against their skin.

He knows the office is empty by now. Bret and Jemaine had asked to come in later, and honestly that worked better. For band meetings, but especially for this.

"Sorry," Lux murmurs after a loud whine. "I'll cover my mouth."

"Don't you dare," Murray says, surprised at himself. He likes it though. "I want to hear you."

Lux is still fairly quiet, but the panting and gentle moans he earns are perfect.

"Might want to pull away when I-" Lux pauses to grind down against Murray's face. "Yeah, you know. Fuck me."

"I'm getting there," Murray lifts his head and peppers kisses over the inside of Lux's thighs. "Come for me this way first."

"Why on earth did your wife leave you?" Lux asks.

"Because sex isn't everything, and I make poor financial decisions," Murray sighs. "Per my ex, that is. She's not wrong."

"Well, that's not a deal-breaker for me," Lux says. "Who doesn't make a poor financial choice now and then?"

Murray presses a longer kiss to Lux's right thigh, then kisses his way back to where he's most wanted.

It takes a moment more, then Lux's thighs clench hard around him.

He laughs when he's free from their grasp. "I understand what you meant about moving now. Didn't mind that at all though."

"Mhm," Lux mumbles blissfully.

"If you do want a break, or to st-"

"Murray," Lux says, eyes fluttering back open. "If you make me wait all that will happen is I'll end up wanting to fuck you in your car."

"You really want me that badly?" Murray asks as he stands. Everything thus far has shown it, but it's unfamiliar enough for him to worry he ought not take it for granted.

Lux nods. "Please."

"Um. I don't know how to ask this delicately," Murray hesitates. "I'm clean and snipped, but I think Jemaine left condoms here because he didn't want Bret stealing them for himself."

"Has he ever come back for them?"

"Ah, no," Murray shakes his head. "I think he forgot about them, but they're not expired and-"

"I'm on birth control, and I'm clean," Lux interrupts, pulling him close, legs wrapped around his waist.

That's more than enough impetus to slip himself inside of them.

His office door creaks open, and they both crick their necks to see what the fuck is happening.

"Murray, we got the cups, but could we steal some tea from the offi-" Bret looks up from the new cup in his hand. "Oh."

"Hi" Lux says. "You guys need tea?"

Bret nods. "I should have kno-"

"Did he say we could take the teabags or not," Jemaine interrupts, pushing past Bret into the office. "Oh."

"Oh my god," Murray drops his face into Lux's shoulder. "Yes. Just take them and go."

"You guys should have locked the door," Jemaine says. "I would, if I had an office to fuck in."

"Yeah, but I could have knocked," Bret adds. "Even if they weren't fucking, they would have been in the middle of a band meeting."

"Ah yeah, sorry," Jemaine winces. "We'll just collect the tea and g-"

"Please leave," Murray says desperately.

They trip over each other as they go, thankfully shutting the door behind them.

"I understand if you want to just go," Murray says as he lets himself slip out of Lux and step back. "I'm so sorry."

Lux sits up. "Why would I do that?"

"Mood's ruined a bit, I think."

"So what?" Lux shrugs. "Let's get dressed, take the food back to yours, and continue there."

He blinks. "Seriously?"

Lux nods and hops off the desk. "We were going to do that anyway, and we can get up to more in a bed than on a desk anyway."

Murray can't hold back a grin. "Okay! Yeah, let's... alright!"

"You're cute," Lux giggles, and brings him his shirt with a kiss.

They finish up and grab the food, locking Murray's office door and the main consulate door after them.

Lux holds his hand on the way out, and he decides he'll happily manage them for sure.

And if they want some dates arranged with him in between gigs, well, he'll happily do that too.

--

"I think they left," Jemaine peeks out from the dark break room/kitchen. "Shit."

Bret peers out beside him. "Oh. Well, if we leave we can't lock it."

"No, we can't."

They stare at the door together for a moment, as if Murray and Lux might burst back in.

"Should we eat those leftover donuts and sleep under the table until tomorrow?" Bret asks. "Don't want Murray to get in trouble if the door is unlocked."

"You just want the donuts."

"It can be both!"

Jemaine nods. "Might as well steal the rest of the tea too."

"Might as well."

[ochrearia]

I dont know a lot about your other interests buuuuut maybe your favorite dragon prince character for the character ask thing, if you want? :]

Stares at you with the biggest eyes ever I'm picking RAYLA BECAUSE SHES SO FUCKING DUMB AND I HATE HER BUT NO I DON'T

Favorite Thing About Them: Can I be so damn honest. We share trauma. Like okay not like 1:1 but her parents """died""" when she was young and she had to deal with that. I had to deal with death early too. Not a family member but a friend and her entire family. And like. That's still rather traumatizing for an 8-9 year old kid especially because it was a fucking PLANE CRASH but yeah. Death trauma early on where the person dying had a really fucked up death. Rayla kind of runs away from her problems and so do I. Puts it all on herself and doesn't think that she matters at all so "doing the right thing" gets in the way of staying alive and she's fine with that but doesn't really clock that dying for the cause is going to traumatize someone else. But that's so like... me. I talk about seeing myself in Pico but Rayla steals the similarity contest from him easy. Also elf but like come on DSFDGF Rayla is to blame for my elfsona and my continuous use of pointed ears in my sonas ever since

Least Favorite Thing About Them: Girl you're an asshole. Like I'm sorry she can be a wonderful person but oh my god I am never forgiving her dumbass for doing what she did to Callum in Through The Moon. Dawg. Fucking idiot. I dislike liars man I already got trust issues but this BITCHHHHH she tells Callum they will go find Viren together and then she turns around and leaves in the middle of the night without him and only leaves him a NOTE to wake up to. On his BIRTHDAY BY THE FUCKING WAY ON HIS BIRTHDAY. ARE YOU DUMB??? ARE YOU DUMB. She's gone for 2 years. Girl what the fuck that's your boyfriend. Or you know was lol what is your issue. Like I know, you've got trauma and you believed that you were protecting him by going alone so he wasn't in danger but hoLY SHIT YOU DID SO MUCH MORE DAMAGE TO HIM THAT WAY. Christ. You would think that him jumping off the Storm Spire to catch you and save you from a splat death would tell you his damn dedication to you Rayla. Rayla. Look me in the eyes Rayla you cannot keep thinking in this mentality. I fully understand the idea that you think leaving someone would save them because I've considered that too but NO!!!! NO GET A GRIP OHUHUH I HATE YOU FOR DOING THAT RAYLA

Favorite Line: "Callum, you may be a dummy but you're not a fool!" ("Am I supposed to feel flattered about this?") Rayla is the reason "dummy" is in my vocabulary. Like dummy but in an affectionate way because that's the only context she uses it and it's always with Callum.

brOTP: Rayla and Soren <3 Rayla being the completely fucking done with this bitch adopted sister and Soren being his normal stupid himbo ass self. I love Soren ??? But like that's for another day to talk about

OTP: Rayllum, lmao, because I am in fact basic as fuck and am shipping the thing the show is handing to me. Honestly though pre-season 4 I was lowkey fucking with Claudia and Rayla in fandom context bc realistically they would. Never. Rayla would hate her ass. And its not elf-human racism because Claudia's dating Terry it's just Rayla would HATE HERRR

nOTP: Man I don't even wanna talk about it I've seen some weird shit but I genuinely think I have seen at least one instance of Viren x Rayla and absolutely the FUCK not. But I guess for one that's not just weird as fuck Soren x Rayla because they're not romantic to me in any context ever sorry to the people that do consider it though

Random Headcanon: Hitting this fucker with the bigender beam I do NOT care. She's bigender and uses she/he pronouns like me because I SAID SO

Unpopular Opinion: sighs... I'm no Callum guys. I think she deserved to suffer in the consequences of her actions more. 2 years with nothing but a note and a broken promise. Callum's stronger than me dude like I get it you love her and I like love but god that would break my trust for way longer. They never even really talked about it either. He just kinda forgave her after awhile. And yeah Rayla throughout the seasons shows that she knows it's on her but I THINK SHE DESERVED TO GET YELLED AT AT LEAST ONE TIME OKAY

Song I Associate With Them: Mama's Gun by Glass Animals and I am going to REFUSE to explain why because it's a years old thing and I'm not changing it. But just. Yeah that one

Favorite Picture Of Them: I could be mean and say the one where she's staring at the metal flowers in Ethari's pond and obviously about to cry but I won't. I'll be nice.

My current one methinks. She's pretty :] Shakes her by the shoulders I wanna loOK LIKE YOU

[the1975attheirverybest]

I'm sorry but what are the paps doing to matty? isn't it normal that he gets papped? with his fame being at an all time high and spotted with his famous mum? i'm not hating i'm curious for real

For me, it’s a matter of principle. It’s about the paparazzi and the tabloids trying to profit off of his current notoriety. And the lengths that they go to, to do that.

I’m sorry but standing outside of his house with the long lens camera waiting for him is creepy and a violation of privacy. Then taking these pics of him hugging a fan just to pass it off as him being “seen with another woman” to fuel the drama about his breakup with Taylor is not okay either. Like, they’re going out of their way to fabricate a narrative that isn’t even remotely true and then sell it to people to stir more drama at the expensive of his personal privacy and his reputation.

If his name remains out there, this is only going to escalate. I’ve been part of other fandoms with artists that skyrocketed to fame or infamy less steadily than the 1975/ Matty. Look up videos of paps and Harry Styles. They wait for him at airports. Camera shoved in his face, yelling questions about his personal life trying to get a rise out of him so they can have it on video when he loses his cool. They follow him in their cars. Outside of hotels or restaurants. They tweet his location out to fans because they know that if fans show up, he’ll stop to take pics and talk to them, that way the paps can get more content and follow him after.

they’re only doing all this because it’s profitable for them to do so. Because tabloids are going to milk this whole Taylor thing for alllll that they can get out of it. Keep fans interested and titillated for clicks. If nobody cared that Matty it out there hugging women who aren’t Taylor Swift why would the paps be outside of his House? They’d go stalk another l unfortunate celeb. To me, that means, if I engage with the content they provide, I’m contributing to the continued drama and providing more reason for them to keep doing this to him. I don’t wanna be a part of it.

[strawberry-writings]

Chocolate Fragrance

♡Fandom: Identity V

Pairings: Edgar valden x reader

Warnings: gender neutral reader, fluff

♡ You wandered through the halls of the manor while thinking about creating a piece of art. You liked painting, it was a hobby of yours but you normally went to the huge art room whenever nobody was around because you found it embarrassing for anyone to see your art. But little did you know that the man who was a Painter himself found your pieces beautiful.

You entered the art room and closed the door behind you and started finding a canvas and the colors that you wanted and began painting. A beautiful field of lavenders would be lovely to paint today especially since it was rainy and it felt like it fit the gloomy cloudy sky outside. A few minutes later whoel continuing on your painting you heard the door open and immediately looked to see who it was. You felt embarrassed already. And tried to hide your painting while acting casual.

"Oh hi! What are you doing here, I'm just admiring the artworks here heheh..." you felt like cringing at your words and disappearing from the world right then and there but you were surprised to see the painter Edgar valden. You never really talked to him outside matches but you tried to smile a bit to make it seem like you weren't embarrassed. "Y/N, why are you hiding your painting?" Edgar questioned you with a gloomy and tired expression on his face but his voice remained clear.

Edgar walked to get his art supplies and began sketching his own canvas but he didn't wanna show anyone because it was secret. But you didn't know what it was, of course he stood by his word and didn't wanna show it to anyone but he admired you so much. He remembered the fragrance that he smelt whenever he was around you in matches. He smelt a delicious chocolate fragrance. He thought that you were a beautiful flower that just bloomed. You could say that he had a crush on you.

The brunette haired young man looked at you and said "You shouldn't be embarrassed to show your art sometimes you know, even if the person or people doesn't like it you could continue creating art by improving." He said in a calm yet soft voice. His eyes shined like the stars and you didn't feel embarrassed anymore. You stopped hiding it and showed it to him. "What do you think?" the young h/c adult, asked in a quiet and sweet voice.

He was shocked he loved it at first sight, the lavender field looked magnificent he couldn't describe it all he could say was "That's l-lovely.." in a shy voice, he felt embarrassed and he couldn't couldn't the right words out of his mouth just a little 'that's lovely?' he wanted to describe it and compliment as much as he could. Edgar got some more words out of his mouth and he managed to say "how beautiful...i love it..." you were extremely surprised to see Edgar act like this.

He appeared to be prideful and proud of himself but he looked Iike he absolutely adored it more than his own paintings. The amount of artistic beauty your painting had was infinite. You smiled happily and thanked him and told him that his artworks were also beautiful and wonderful to look at. You admitted that they actually made you want to continue painting as a hobby and that it touched your heart because they expressed different emotions.

Edgar felt happy that his pieces touched someone's heart. He felt proud and finally that someone respected art. It just made him fall inlove with you more. He wanted to finish this piece so he could give it to you. He decided to paint a rose. Because they were nearly as beautiful as you but you were more than beautiful. You both had some small talk and the conversation just got deeper and you two really bonded and got to know each other. Without knowing it 3 hours had passed with painting and talking for hours.

You and Edgar became tired and decided to go for a walk together to the garden. But Edgar wanted to tell you that he had a crush on you. But he wanted to wait for the right time. It wouldn't make sense for him to confess right after speaking to you for a while. But he didn't care at all, he actually finished the painting while having a conversation with you so he decided to give it to you later on in the day he'll make a note asking you to come outside during midnight.

You sat beside Edgar on the bench not knowing he had a crush on you, you asked him if he had any siblings and he revealed that the had a younger sister named Ella. You didn't have any siblings as you were an only child but you do have a house pet. Edgar was a bit fond of animals and said that he liked cats. You never really knew that because he barely revealed anything about himself but maybe he was comfortable with you?

A few hours passed and it was nearly nighttime so you had to go to sleep in order to sleep longer. You had fun speaking with Edgar. You went to your room and wore your pajamas, you went to bed and like some more hours later you woke up to a noise outside. You rubbed your eyes and got up and checked your surroundings and saw a note lying on the ground. You decided to read it and it said "Dear Y/N will you meet me at the garden at 12'o clock at midnight? From anonymous."

You just decided to go because it was probably about something important but why at the garden? Maybe it was more private you walked over to the garden while a bit sleepy. You saw a familiar figure with long brunette hair. It was Edgar you felt excited to see him and ran up to him and asked if he sent you the letter. He nodded and something was behind him. It was like a rectangle, he took a deep breath and said.

"Y/N, I admire you and I think you're beautiful and I love your personality and artworks as well. I always feel happy when I'm around you and I can't believe that I'm saying this but I think I have a crush on you." you were surprised, because Edgar never seemed to like anyone at the manor. You had to admit that you liked him as well, and felt something real towards him.

With a red blush on your face you said that you also liked him as well, he grabbed the rectangle thingy and gave it to you. He told you to look and it was the rose painting. You weren't expecting that at all and you were super happy and hugged him. He hugged you back and chuckled a bit, he kissed your forehead and said that you to go to sleep and that you could be together in the morning in a soft and kind voice. ♡

A/N: Thank you for reading this fanfiction! ♡♡ also I forgot about Tumblr and my requests are open!