#i just used it to cover all of daniel's development in the past couple months

[danielxrk]

                ✞ YOU NEED ME *     I DON’T NEED YOU 

-- before --

life is a whirlwind. he foolishly spent the early days of april breathless and hoping for respite, thinking surely, god would take pity on him and make april a month of peace. maybe, finally, something that shook him to his very core wouldn’t happen month after month. maybe he could move past a drunken kiss with a boy on valentine’s day, and past that boy’s appearances on nova’s new survival show-- past a confession of love from a different boy the month after. maybe he could move past all of the extra time spent with joohyun, her delicate hands still wrapped around some piece of his heart, despite all of it-- despite that heart being torn in a hundred different directions more than ever. he’s always been flighty in love, always hesitant, always uncertain, but this is worse. maybe he’s spent two months with a certain sickness in his stomach that just keeps getting worse.

he doesn’t think much of the announcement of trc’s new auditions; in fact he’s almost certain he won’t go. there’s too much going on his life, both on an interpersonal level and with empty enigma, namely their new album in its final stages. if he didn’t want to be a trainee during the mgas, he certainly doesn’t want to be one now. and yet he can’t say no to joohyun, and a mutual pact that if he goes she’ll go. if that wasn’t enough, jinah encourages him to go, too. hehow does he always end up here? 

at first, he makes the same mistake as he made with the mgas too: thinks there’s no way he has what it takes to get signed, and vows to do his best. he practices his dancing with joohyun, and it brings back memories of similar on the mgas, and maybe he’s even worse now. she does her best, and he’s grateful for her, but as the days go on, fear takes root. he fears another audition-- a contract in his hands. he fears stealing opportunity from others where he doesn’t want it. he can’t settle on a performance anyway until he decides he’ll just stand on stage with his guitar. he’ll sing and rap, but if he doesn’t dance, surely he can’t win. surely he’ll get to stand on stage, then go home, and return to his life as he knows it. (what is life as he knows it now? he doesn’t know.)

joohyun probably suspects as much when he doesn’t ask for her help with his dancing anymore, and when he plays guitar for her instead. sure, he could do both, but he won’t. he doesn’t tell her, either.

-- april 14 --

sundays at his mother’s church of choice are always filled with a certain tension for daniel. whether it happens or not, daniel always feels some kind of torn apart by her, and her friends, and the church that preaches less love and more perfection. still, he suffers through it for his family’s sake, and knowing that because he does this, his mother lets him go to church with his grandmother the other three weeks of the month.

the drive home is uneventful, and daniel relaxes, glad the worst part is over with. (but the worst is yet to come.)

they eat lunch, dad drifts away to do work, mina goes upstairs to her room, and it’s daniel and his mother. they clean up the table together, collecting dishes and silverware, and it’s when his mother passes him, returning from the kitchen back to the table, that she stops. she grabs him by the bottom of his ear, and he tenses on instinct, despite not knowing what comes next.

“are your ears pierced?” she asks, and her voice is equally piercing.

“yes...?” he answers, because the evidence is there. there’s no point in lying about this.

“why?” she has that look on her face: the raised eyebrows, the tongue laced in criticism, the heavy, inevitable disappointment. “daniel, where have you been?”

what lie does he spin now, to join the others? i’m going to study, i’m going to work, i’m going to the library, i’m going to haknyeon’s, i have work, all to cover up empty enigma shows and rehearsals and album preparation and friends she wouldn’t approve of and the fact that he’s raising a dog with a girl that she does like, if he remembers right. when does it stop?

now, he decides, finally. he is carrying too much weight around. soon his chest will cave in, if he doesn’t get rid of something. this has to be it. “mom, i have...a lot to tell you.”

so he does. he tells her that he loves music, and that he’s in a metal band-- about empty enigma, and that they’re his best friends, some of the best people he’s ever met. he tells her it’s been a year and a half, that he hasn’t been going where he’s told her, that he’s been performing shows, and going to rehearsal, and working on an album, but that his grades are still good-- that he can handle it-- that it’s okay.

she looks at him in silence for long, deafening seconds. his ears ring, and he meets her gaze, not fearless, but anticipating. “okay,” she breathes at last, and he lets out a breath of air the tension kept in his lungs. “i’ve raised you how i thought i should. it’s your life, and you’re old enough to make your own choices, so you can do what you choose with it.” he’s so relieved. is that it? he gets his hopes up.

“but,” and it comes crashing down again. he hangs on every word. “if you want to do this, you won’t do it while under my roof.”

he expected it. no, he expected worse, really. in this there is a promise that their relationship will continue as it has so long as he moves out, and if he’s going to make choices without her approval, that he needs to take steps to be entirely independent. as the moments stretch on, he thinks it’s fair. he understands, and if she can’t accept this about him ( oh god, there’s so much worse she might need to accept) then he doesn’t want to live with her anyway.

“okay,” he agrees, but it still stings.

he doesn’t have an apartment, and he doesn’t know what to do, so he calls the first person he thinks of-- the first place he would want to go in a situation like this: ha sungwoon.

he doesn’t hesitate as long as he should. he calls, and when sungwoon picks up, he resists the word sorry on the tip of his tongue. “so, i told my mom about the band. she wants me out of the house today. do you guys...have space for me on your couch?”

-- after --

it’s not as bad as it could be. it’s not as bad as he expected, daniel, always expecting the worst. the empty enigma members are still his best friends, and they still assure him that it’s no trouble-- still welcome him with open arms, and he claims he isn’t upset. he doesn’t think he is, but he knows he needs them, anyway.

it’s not even as bad with sungwoon as it could be. maybe they’ve gotten their awkwardness out of their system, as much as they tried to play it off like nothing was wrong in front of the other guys to avoid questions. he doubts they succeeded, given the sheer amount of concern for sungwoon daniel has been unable to shake since his birthday, trying to tiptoe the line of taking advantage of his feelings and treating him the same as he did before. by the time he’s sleeping on his couch, though, things feel almost normal, or he can delude himself into thinking so.

kenta helps him with apartment hunting, and minhyun makes sure he’s eating well, and jihoon offers his own form of support, in his typical nonchalant jihoon way, or maybe daniel just finds the consistency he brings comforting in a time of such turbulent change. 

he still feels that weight on his chest, though unveiling his secrets to his mother provided some relief. maybe it’s spending so much time around sungwoon that makes it progressively harder to breathe, or the ever-present fear that he’s overstaying his welcome with his friends, or his sudden dissatisfaction with the song he’s practiced for the triple threat challenge, on top of everything else, but eventually he just needs to speak. minhyun becomes his unfortunate victim, and he tells him everything-- not naming names, of course, and the burden becomes easier to carry when it’s shared with someone else. he’s grateful.

still, he considers backing out of the triple threat challenge altogether. he just doesn’t know if he’s up for it, and yet there’s some tiny flame in his soul that craves the stage again, as daniel, away from empty enigma and his storm of feelings and fears surrounding them. so, he does what’s natural: overhauls his performance and starts preparing a new song five days before the performances.

he doesn’t have anything against empty enigma; he loves them with all of his heart, actually, but he’s introverted, and spending so much of his time around four other guys takes its toll, not even considering the one that’s in love with him whom he himself has undetermined feelings for (???). he wants to perform without them, and this seems like his best chance.

so he’ll do it, and he’ll do it with confidence, throwing caution to the wind.

-- after --

even with all of the performers preceding him, and their talent, he isn’t shaken. it’s different from the mgas; he doesn’t feel so out of his element here, though he’s far from a triple threat. he never claimed to be, and he won’t. instead, he feels oddly settled-- ready, even as he cheers for joohyun and tries to maintain his composure during her performance. he sees other familiar faces too, both among the performances and those who haven’t performed just yet.

they call him up to wait backstage, and he does, trusty guitar hung over his shoulder, fingers tapping on the body of it, without a pick-- just him, his guitar, and his voice. just daniel, though maybe he’ll bring a little bit of cameo too.

he’s up next, and he strides onto the stage, and grins when he looks out over the crowd. empty enigma’s venues are always smaller-- darker lit. this is more reminiscent of the mgas, and he feels at home instead of daunted (though maybe still a little daunted.)

“i’m kang daniel,” he greets. again. do you remember me? he wouldn’t be surprised if no one remembers, but he hopes they do. “this is an ed sheeran song.” he’ll leave the title as a mystery for now.

he starts strumming, a quiet sound, and launches into the rhythmic singing-rapping style:

cause with the lyrics i'll be aiming it right i won't stop until my name's in lights with stadium heights, with damien rice on red carpets, now i'm on arabian nights because i'm young i know my brothers gonna give me advice

you need me, i don’t need you is a song with more spunk than daniel originally thought he was cut out for. who is he, someone no company has need of, to stand on stage and claim ‘you need me, i don’t need you?’ no one, really. he doesn’t know if he means it, though he doesn’t think he does need a big company to love music and succeed with it. empty enigma may be far from a famous, fortune-producing band, but they have their fans, and they have their heart in it, and that’s what matters to him. that’s what he wants to pursue, more than anything, and the longer he practiced this song, the more he believed it, even with all of its references he didn’t always understand-- even with its rapid-fire english that sometimes still felt more comfortable to him than korean.

but still, there’s very little time to breathe.

long nighter, right height and i gone hyper never be anything but a singer-songwriter, yeah the game's over but now I'm on a new level watch how i step on the track without a loop pedal

he made small alterations to the lyrics during the preparation process to reflect him more, kang daniel, so it felt believable, because the song is nothing if not genuine. at it’s core, it’s about staying true to yourself, about not changing for others, and maybe he needed to perform this song instead of the one he practiced before it because it’s so relevant. it’s for his mom, and anyone that would look down on him for loving music, not just something cheeky to sing to tiger jk’s face, though that’s an added bonus. (maybe, once the familiar performance bravado fades, he’ll feel embarrassed. maybe the gall will disappear, and he’ll be left with that even more familiar, ever-present fear. for now, he doesn’t feel it.)

people think that i'm bound to blow up i've done around about a thousand shows but i haven't got a house plus i live on a couch so you believe the lyrics when i'm singing them out wow, from day one i've been prepared with V05 wax for my silver hair so now i'm back to the sofa giving a dose of what the future holds

again, the relevancy. it’s only fitting he sing-raps a song about living on a couch while literally doing so, and that he can sing this is evidence of his growth. he says silver hair, a reference to cameo, his still ultimately secret empty enigma stage persona, with ease, something that would’ve paralyzed him with fear around six months ago. for him, what the future holds is empty enigma’s album, and if this performance is at all impressive, they’re so much stronger together. 

i’ve still got a rucksack full of old clothes, i rap with the cold flows i’m back with the old jokes, in fact you don’t know ‘em tracks that throw blows and make my punchlines relevant if you can’t keep up you’re getting on my ??? my flow’s developing, skin lacks the melanin give me a shot of adrenaline and i get it in do it for the hell of it  ‘cause ever since i hit the mainstream with team c i seem to sell a bit

yes, do it for the hell of it, like he’s doing this, right now. he wrote in a reference to his first team on the mgas, too-- team c, perhaps the only team that didn’t come up with a special team name that first week, replacing ed sheeran’s original mention of his first single, the a-team. it seemed only fitting, if this song is about his journey now, too, and he wants it to be so.

i took my ??? back with the women then i package the image put in some content, then i sold it back as a gimmick the fact is this end up dating actresses wake up on dirty mattresses i think i need to practice this

this is the part of the song he can’t relate to as much, because as flirtatious as he is when cameo is on stage, and in the after-parties after, he does not wake up on dirty mattresses (except for that one time.) he didn’t rewrite it though, instead, keeping it in to keep the rhythm the same, and because it just seemed to suit the song. it wasn’t worth changing. 

the song is so fast, he doesn’t get a moment to rest from it, his mouth spitting line after line one after another. when he first started practicing, his tongue felt heavy in his mouth, like he was having an allergic reaction, and maybe he isn’t really a good enough rapper for this. maybe he didn’t give himself enough time to practice (though he already knew the song well before he even considered performing it, so that helped). in the end, it’s fun, and that’s what matters most.

the next part might be his favorite:

but i make shit happen, call me a laxative world’s on my shoulders, i don’t even know what atlas is hot bars sharp like the cactus is i’m back to rapping back to back ‘cause i’ve been practicing i’m baptizing this

if only because he gets to say shit in front of tiger jk, and he will bear the consequences, should they come. he’s already censoring the song further down the line, and if he’s going to be ballsy enough to sing this song in the first place, he’ll be ballsy enough to sing the word shit, damn it. the whole world was on his shoulders before he stepped on this stage, but he feels lighter now, suddenly, and he’s been practicing too. rapping wasn’t a skill he really knew he possessed until now, but one he found himself enjoying, and dare he say, with a natural knack for. maybe some of that empty enigma screaming transferred over, and he wouldn’t be daniel without some reference to christianity, would he?

finally, the chorus comes, and it’s the closest thing to a break he gets, returning to the more familiar comfort of all out singing.

cause you need me, man, i don’t need you you need me, man, i don’t need you you need me, man, i don’t need you at all you need me, man, i don’t need you you need me, man, i don’t need you you need me, man, i don’t need you you need me, man, i don’t need you, no

it’s the first time he sings the words, and what the guitar crescendoed to up until now, and he keeps a confident, borderline smug look on his face-- tries to look toward tiger jk and make eye contact. if he’s going to do it, he might as well sell it. he’s heard the ceo appreciates boldness. maybe he’ll entertain him, at the very least. or maybe the ceo will think it’s massively disrespectful. time will tell.

i'll keep my last name forever, keep this genre pretty basic gonna be breaking into other people's tunes when i chase it and replace it with the elephant in the room with a facelift slipping into another rapper shoes using new laces i'm selling CDs from my rucksack aiming for the papers selling CDs from my rucksack aiming for the majors nationwide tour with just jack, still had to get the bus back clean cut kid without a razor for the moustache

another opportunity for him to change the lyrics to something to better suit him, because he admittedly doesn’t know what just jack is. his guess is a band that ed sheeran toured with, but he couldn’t come up with something that suited both himself and the song, so he kept it. empty enigma hasn’t done a nationwide tour, anyway; they’re all just big dreams. they’ll still just be selling cds from a rucksack and aiming for the majors.

i hit back when the pen hurts me i'm still a choir boy in a thin church tee i'm still the same as a year ago but more people hear me though according to the naver and youtube videos

lyric changes this time: fenchurch to thin church, taking a brand name he didn’t understand to something that reflects his background, and how his first real introduction to music was in church-- how he first sang in a church choir and his mom only let him listen to christian music for the longest time. he changed myspace to naver, something more time-relevant and daniel relevant. a year ago was before he set foot on the mgas-- before he even knew he loved music, while he still wasn’t even sure if he loved empty enigma. he still thought it was all a phase, and something he’d escape from, eventually returning to a life of safety and monotony. even with the events of 2019, he’s still glad for that year of difference. he’s thankful.

the guitar all but cuts out, nothing but daniel’s voice and a few accents from strings for the next part:

i'm always doing shows if I'm not I'm in the studio truly broke, never growing up, call me rufio melody music maker, reading all the papers they say i’m up and coming like i'm effing in an elevator

ah yes, there it is: the elevator line, something he would not have the courage to sing by himself in the bathroom, let alone on stage in front of tiger jk and at least 100 people, were it not for the power of cameo. with this extra bravery, he sings it casually, as if it’s the same as the other hundred lines he’s spit. what’s more important: he’s been working his ass off for music, as the lyrics suggest, and he’ll find fulfillment in that, with or (preferably) without trc’s help, that much is certain.

in comes the final hit of the chorus, the figurative sigh of relief and sign of his two minutes up on stage, jam-packed with content, coming to a close. it’s the explanation point on the end of a performance he poured his heart into, both now and leading up to this.

'cause you need me, man, i don’t need you you need me, man, i don’t need you

[bodyswapmischief]

Authentic Costumes: Santa Claus

I came home and my boyfriend, Manny, was still cooking. His chocolate skin glistened with the heat from the kitchen. His small arms and slim frame worked hard, as he quickly moved around. He was in his zone.

However, I felt guilty. Before the holidays started I lost my job. I applied to a number of jobs but, no one was hiring. Now, Henry has been working double to support us. "Oh, your home." He quickly glanced at me and went back to mixing. "How was the gym."

"It was okay. There was just a lot on my mind. " I said as I walked to him. I easily wrapped my arms around him and gave him a kiss on his flour stained check. "And how has my little baker been doing?"

He wiped the flour from his face as he quickly gave me a peck. And weakly pushed my arms off him. "Well as you can see, it's been going. But there is still alot of work to do. I need to make more of everything: cookies, cupcakes, tamales."

"Well do you need any help." I asked.

He stopped and looked at me and laughs. "No, no, no. The last time you helped the cookies were to salty, the cupcakes didn't rise, and the tamales came out dry. And, then when I put you incharge of mixing you broke multiple bowls. And then.."

"Okay ... okay, I get it. I won't help." I sigh."Just go relax." He smiles back and starts mixing again. I sluggishly walk to the living room. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot, a package came for you."

I continued to walk towards the living room and saw the package. The logo confirmed it was from Authentic Costumes. The box was way bigger than I thought it would be. I open the box and revealed a small vial sitting on top of a santa costume. I pick them both up and underneath was a full wardrobe of clothes. Triple X shirts, size 50' waist pants, and oversized underwear. What is all this for?, I thought.

But, before I could even think about Manny walked in. "I've been curious all day so, what was in the box." I look at him holding the Santa Claus costume. "Well it was supposed to be a surprise..., I got a seasonal job as a Santa Claus." My boyfriend laughed, "Are you serious? Was it a phone interview? They do know you have rock hard abs, right?."

My face blushed with slight embarrassment, "Yes and they didn't care. They said anyone can be Santa and offered me 20,000 dollars for the month. So, I said yes. And, then they said they would send me a package to look more like the role." I snapped back.

There was some silence and then I pulled a card from the box. "Begin transformation process by drinking blue vile. The changes will activate once you put on the suit. The transformation will not be permanent. Don't be alarmed." "What transformation ... are they talking about magic..." He asked. "I don't know ... I guess." I replied back. I open the vial. "Well here goes nothing." I start to drink it. "Are you sure.." Manny tried to talk before I drank it But, it was to late.

The blue liquid went down my throat. And, a tingling sensation filled my body. I saw Manny look at me in horror. "What's happening to you." I looked down. The blue liquid was spreading through every vein in my body. My body glowed as a blue road map of viens spread through out my body. I tried to talk, but couldn't. My legs gave out and I fell to the floor. My body started convulsing.

Manny ran to my side. "Daniel! Daniel!" He screamed in terror. He held me with his small body. His hands shook with distress. And, as quickly as it started, it stopped. I laid up against my boyfriend. My body was exhausted and my breathing was heavy. "Are you okay?" He asked putting down his phone and his voice was still shaken. He started rubbing my strong chest and back.

"I think so." I whispered due to a lack of energy. "What were you thinking." He told me. "Why did you just drink a mysterious blue liquid from a sketchy ass company. You could have died. "But, I didn't," I smiled as strength returned to my body. "Plus the company is legit. They do a lot of events for rich people. And, we need the money." I rubbed my head. I get up and start taking off my clothes.

"What the fuck are you doing now?" He asked. "I'm going to put on the santa suit on." I put on the oversized underwear and pants. Manny just looked at me and shook his head. He seemed to be calming down. He laughed seeing me in the bigger clothes. "Damn, we could both fit in those pants."

I grabbed the Santa hat and put it on. I didn't feel anything. And, then I put the Santa coat on. I looked hot as my six pack and pecs were exposed in the open Santa coat. Then I started filling itchy. My whole body was itchy and it felt like little pins started poking out of my skin. I turned to look at the mirror and Manny joined me. Both of us shocked by the changes. Hair started to fill my buff hairless body. My chest and stomach were covered. I could even fill back hair starting to rub against the Santa coat. I knew the same was happening to my legs, thighs and ass.

Finally, stubble appeared on my face and continued to grow out. Until, I had a beard that would make any lumberjack jealous. "Who knew Santa was so hairy." Manny said as he rubbed my hairy muscular chest.

But, my body didn't stop changing. My tanned skin started to lighten. At first, I didn't know what was happening. Small changes to my face and body started appearing. I started looking stronger and better looking. I finally realized I was getting older. I was aging but, my body still had the muscle mass of a 25 year old that spent all his time at the gym. It was erotic. Then my hair started going grey and the lines on my face started to deepen. The hair on top of my head started to fall off. I was a silver fox. I look at my boyfriend and both of our faces were in shock.

But, still the changes didn't stop. Underneath my furry stomach, I could see my abs start to disappear. My body was growing with fat. My face became rounder. I could feel a double chin form under my beard. My chest started sagging with fat. My stomach became enormous. My thighs thickened up. And, my dick started getting buried under pelvic fat.

"Well, fuck me." Manny said. " Magic actually fucking exists. I can't believe it. This is fuckin crazy." "I know. It feels so different. I'm in shock. It's me but, everything feels different." I said exploring my new body. He comes over and also starts poking me in places. "How do you feel?" He said.

"Heavy." I laugh and my whole body jiggles. "I can't imagine having to live life like this. I can feel parts of my body touching each other, that never did before. I don't even think, I can touch my toes. Fuck, it's weirding me out. I can feel all of this kinda affecting my personality. I feel lazy, slow, hungry and tired. Just standing here is taking so much energy. I'm not use to it. Here help me take the suit off."

Manny goes behind me and peels the coat off me. I take of the pants and underwear, revealing my shrunken dick and enlarge fat pad. I let a couple seconds past. "Do you see anything changing." I ask my boyfriend. He just shakes his head. "What do you mean. It's supposed to reverse when I take the costume off."

Panicking I pull out the instructions. Manny squeezes against my side to read them at the same time. "Here, it says the transformation starts when I put on the costume." I say. "Yeah but, that doesn't mean you revert after taking it off. It just says the transformation is not permanent." He answers. He proceeds to look around at the box and picks up the vial. "Here the vial says the transformation last for about a month." He adds.

My heart sank. "So, I'm stuck like this for month." I cried. "I can't be stuck like this. What about the gym? I'm going have to walk out in public like this. What about you? Are you okay with dating a fat old man for a month?" "Luckily they sent all these new clothes you can wear." He joked. I just glared at him. "What it's funny." He laughs. "You make a pretty good daddy bear." He flirted. "What!? Does this turn you on?"

He smiles and walks into the kitchen. He quickly comes back with a plate of food. "I think I can make this work. I don't want my Santa daddy to go hungry." He winked. He motioned for me to sit down, as he fed me. I didn't realize how hungry I was. I was never one to indulge like this, but my body had a mind of it's own. Eating gave my body a new sense of pleasure. "Here take the plate big boy." He handed me the plate of cookies and cupcakes. I continued eating.

"I think you should take the month to enjoy your new body. Give in to your hunger. Don't get me wrong I love your real body. But, I also have a feeder fetish. Now, I can expirence my fantasy."

Manny started kissing my body. My neck. My fat chest. He rubbed my new boobs and my body rushed with pleasure. He sucked on my fat tits and I moaned while I continue to eat. He moved down and kissed my growing belly. He took his hand and pushed my fatpad down. He reveals as much of my dick that he could and started sucking. I continued to moan in deep pleasure.

As, I finished the last bite of food, I cummed into his mouth. My dick was still hard. " Come on big boy." He positioned our bodies so I could have easy penetration into his ass, at my new weight. I was worried that my dick was no longer going to be big enough. But, I squeezed against his ass. His check's helped pushed my fatpad and a decent amount of my dick entered his ass. I began thrusting and my body jiggled from the motion. My breathing became heavy. It was more intense than any work out at the gym. My hairy body became wet with sweat.

We both orgasmed at the same time., breathing heavy. Now, laying side by side he seemed even smaller then when I was in my original body. He Pat's my stomach and lays his head on my boobs. Maybe this month won't be so bad. And, maybe when I revert back, I will start working on developing my own real fat stomach.

[vmheadquarters]

We’re still playing our game of written hot potato! Dozens of your favorite authors are taking turns to tell a Veronica Mars mystery story. Each writer crafts their chapter and then “tosses” the story to the next person to continue the tale. No one knows what will happen, so expect the unexpected!

Follow the “vmhq presents” and “murder we wrote” tags for all the installments, or read the story as it develops on AO3. --Chapter Twenty-Eight of MURDER, WE WROTE is written by @his-beautiful-girl​​​. And stayed tuned next week for Ch.29 from @louzeyre​ - tag, you’re it!

_____________________________________________________________

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT by @his-beautiful-girl​

Logan’s brows furrowed, lips turning downward, “Just how the hell did Van of all people become a publisher? Just last year he was still principal of Neptune High.” 

It was Veronica’s turn to grab her phone and do some googling. “It says here that he formed the company ‘Trident Publishing’ three months ago. My guess is that Ruby’s book would have been his first, but with as explosive as it would have been…” 

“Van would have ended up a very rich man.” Logan finished for her. “I can’t speak to his personal life, but he wasn’t above taking bribes for school, Sugarpuss.” His mind drifted back to a conversation after he and Weevil had dismantled Mr. Daniel’s car and then re-assembled it around the flagpole. How a pair of Aaron’s boots had made sure that Weevil was unexpelled. 

She nodded. “I knew he did it for money for Neptune High but I never got the impression that he was trying to gain anything personal from it. Well, other than the time he set it up so I would discover that Moorehead was Trina’s biological father. But that was to oust Moorehead so he could become principal. Not really any financial gain there.” 

Logan rose from the couch, walked to Veronica and wrapped his arms around her, kissing the crown of her head. “Something is really bothering me, Vee. How does she know about Shelly’s party? Book you calls Duncan out for rape.” His voice turned tender, dropping low. “That’s not a detail that you could get from a source, baby.” 

“I don’t know.” Veronica’s voice came out fragile, and he tightened his arms around her protectively. Rested his cheek on top of her head and rocked them slightly. “I only told you and- I- I admitted it one time during the therapy we had to take in school at Stanford. The only other person who knows is Duncan himself, and he would never admit to it being what it is.” 

She turned in his arms and he cupped the back of her head with one hand while running the other up and down along her spine, letting her hide against him. Felt her drawing deep breaths in and out and centering herself again while he continued to offer her love and comfort. Logan smiled against her hair when she stood straighter and drew in a deep breath. It’s true that they differed from when they were in high school and in college. They had gotten their shit together and learned communication was the key. But some things remained the same, and he was glad for that. His girl was still strong and determined. He knew if anyone could solve this, it would be Veronica. He was there for the assist. 

Logan pressed another kiss on the crown of her head before she pulled back slightly, face tilted upward, allowing him to brush his lips across hers tenderly before she murmured. “After this is over, we should go on vacation. Someplace warm and sunny and with no murder, please.” 

He nodded in agreement. “That sounds perfect.” 

They stayed quiet, holding each other for a few long moments before the reality of the situation broke through their peace. 

“So I think the question we need to ask ourselves is whether the focus of this book is on exposing Neptune, or whether it’s a book on exposing the Kanes.” Logan finally allowed himself to break the silence. “I know there is a lot… okay, most of the focus is on us, but what if we’re just the players that are being moved around to tell the story? Especially given that we had such close ties to the Kanes or to the events meant to expose the Kanes.” 

Veronica’s eyes narrowed, and her teeth sank into her bottom lip. “You could be right. Maybe we’re the red herrings. It’s about exposing the Kanes without just writing a direct book about them. That still doesn’t explain so much of the information that this source and/or Ruby has though.” 

“Also, this ‘Jen’ person is still bothering me. I know we can’t find any clue she exists, and she wasn’t a roommate of Mac’s but I feel like she represents someone. This might be the one person Ruby used a pseudonym for.” Veronica stepped away from him and paced in front of the enormous windows in Dick’s living room, looking out into the ocean. “Logan, I want to get into Ruby’s apartment to see if I can find anything.” 

He nodded; this request not surprising in the least. “Van first? Then Ruby’s? Then how about we pick up dinner and eat at your dad’s tonight? I’m missing my other favorite girl and you could use some Pony snuggles of your own.” 

Logan’s heart jumped as her face lit up at the mention of their dog, and he knew it was the right call. Now they just had to get around town, unnoticed by the paparazzi. 

*** 

An hour later, Logan and Veronica stood on the front porch of a nice, but modest residence. He rapped on the door sharply three times and they waited. He always found it interesting the way they stood when working on a case together. At any other time, they would hold hands or his arm would be around her shoulder and hers around his waist; however, in situations like this they stood together with their sides barely touching, both drawn to their full height. Both aware of the other and yet wanting to radiate that they were each dangerous on their own to whoever they were about to crush. 

Logan was about to rap on the door again when sounds within indicated that the first knocks were being acknowledged. Locks clicked and then the door itself swung open, revealing a haggard-looking Van Clemmons. “Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls. I wondered when you would show up. Come in, please.” 

“Well, you said that life had gotten boring without me.” The words dropped wryly from her mouth and the corner of Logan’s mouth twitched in response. 

“Life without you is always boring, Bobcat.” He cast an adoring look at her before turning his attention back at the man waiting in the doorway. 

Mr. Clemmons stepped back and gestured with his hand for the couple to enter. Placing his hand on the small of her back lightly, Logan let Veronica go first and then followed. Not that he felt Clemmons was a threat, he just felt better having her back protected. 

The living room was to the right of the entryway, and Clemmons indicated they should go there. “Please, take a seat and make yourselves comfortable. Can I get either of you something to drink?” 

Both shook their heads, taking a seat on the couch, before Logan smirked. “Are you getting the sense of what it felt like to be on the other side of that desk of yours, Van?” 

“Mr. Echolls, I seem to remember you being on the other side of that desk more than a few times.” Van’s voice came out dry but heavy, tired beyond his years. 

Veronica snorted, very unladylike, which made Logan grin. “Yeah, and how often were there actual consequences for any of those incidents? Just how much money did you make for the school? More importantly, how much of that money made it to your pocket rather than the schools?” 

Clemmons held up his hands placatingly and sighed. “I know what you must think but the only time I ever did anything for my benefit was when I used you to expose Principal Moorehead. I admit to taking money in return for punishments not happening, but all of that money went to Neptune High in one way or another. I made sure the students had the best that I could give them in my years as principal.” 

“Why did you retire? Why suddenly go into publishing? Not your typical career move and you don’t have the background for it. It also begs the question of the money issue. Where is the money coming from to start the business?” Veronica fired off the questions one after the other, and Logan tried to tell himself that being turned on right now was not the appropriate response. 

Van dropped his head into his hands, scrubbing it hard, and muttered. “I have a silent partner who put up the money after they heard the pitch for the book.” 

Logan leaned forward. “What was the pitch for the book exactly? Because it isn’t about some murder mystery, even if that is what it’s trying to pass itself off as. So why don’t you just tell us the truth. Someone is already dead. I wasn’t her fan, but I never would have wished Ruby dead, and I don’t think you did either. But you both got yourself mixed up into something deep. You know, the only person who has a chance at figuring this out is Veronica, so let her, Clemmons.” 

The silence that took over the room felt heavy and oppressive. Minutes ticked on and on and he wondered if they would get the information they were after or not. After an interminable amount of time, the older man nodded in agreement, letting out a loud sigh. “Yes, maybe you are the only ones I can trust with this.” 

Logan started when Veronica’s hand slipped into his, but was more than happy to thread his fingers through hers. It felt like they might finally get somewhere with this. Finally, get some answers that could make things make sense. Nothing could have prepared him for what came next. 

“Della- I’m sorry, Ruby came to me with the idea she had for a book. Claimed she had been doing research for the past year and wanted to write a book about a powerful family that had their claws in everything. A family that rolled around in the dirt and was covered in mud, though nobody could see it. She also claimed that members of this family had hurt people badly, and she wanted to right some wrongs and give those that they had hurt justice. She was talking about the Kanes and I should have known better--” 

Clemmons scrubbed over his face again, and when he looked up, his gaze focused on Veronica. “But I knew she was right. I knew a lot more than I could ever tell. I listened to the stories during those years at Neptune High, and I even did some of my research. I may not know all the stories exactly, but I know that the Kanes are responsible for so many things behind the scenes in this town. When she told me of the way she wanted to write the book without coming right out and accusing them I thought it would be okay. I went to Casey Gant and floated a semblance of the idea around to see if I might get him interested, but he turned it down. Then I got a surprising phone call from someone willing to not only put up the money to publish the book, but wanted me to be the face of the publisher. I let greed take over my thinking.” 

Van’s head dropped into his hands again, and Logan couldn’t decide whether or not to feel sorry for him. Veronica vibrated next to him, like she would explode if they didn’t find out who this mysterious person is and within the next minute. 

“Who?” The question was more a demand and came out sharp on her tongue. “Who is it?” 

“Troy Vandegraff,” Clemmons muttered into his hands. 

“Well, fuck me sideways. I did not expect that.” Logan breathed out, wide-eyed while turning to stare at Veronica, who looked just as taken aback. 

“Who was Ruby’s source, Clemmons? You must know. She couldn’t keep a secret to save her life.” The words came sharp and to others may sound bitter, but Logan knew the truth. That hardness Veronica projected was covering the hurt that she felt over Ruby’s death. Solving this case was the only way she knew how to help find some closure in this. He squeezed her hand gently in support. 

“I was, or at least I was one of them.” A familiar voice jerked their heads up and their attention to the hallway where a pale, thin figure stepped out of the shadows. 

Logan felt his gut churning, blood getting hot. He pulled Veronica closer to him protectively. “Lianne Mars.” He spit out the name like a curse. 

[bngtanah]

I'm (not) With The Band. | o1

summary: Adrienne is an indie producer who is hired to help co-produce BTS’ next album alongside their resident producer; Suga. Despite the initial opposition on both ends, the pair spend time together, share a few stories, dreams and aspirations and begin to hit it off really well. Wrapped up in the whirlwind of late nights and heated disagreements and reconciliations, Min Yoongi and Adrienne Rolle find themselves growing closer and closer. One night they decide to cross the barrier between personal and professional and do their best make a relationship work against all odds.

pairing: Min Yoongi  x Named OC

genre: drama, romance, smut

chapters: prologue| o1| o2| o3| o4| o5| o6| o7| o8| o9| 10| 11|

warning: light angst, smut, fluff, workplace relationship, slow burn, sexual themes, ambw, enemies to friends to lovers, developing relationship

a/n: still a fool. still re-uploading.

Shoulder’s back, big smile.

By now Adrienne had perfected this routine, putting up just enough of a front to hide the nervous jitters fluttering around in her stomach and the small wave of dread that made itself at home in her heart each time she met with a new music exec. Of course, the butterflies disappeared once she got comfortable but the initial fear always made her want to run in the opposite direction. It had been an extremely hectic fours months since she moved to Korea and Adrienne doubted if she was going to feel settled anytime soon. Between moving into a new apartment, her packed schedule of Korean lessons set up by her new company and the struggles of adapting to an entirely new culture, Adrienne didn't know whether she was coming or going. The worst part of it all was that she hadn't even started working on music yet and that was the sole reason for her being here.

To be fair, she understood that the need for her to learn the language took priority at the moment since she couldn't bring a translator with her everywhere she went. That knowledge didn't make the actual learning process any easier but at least she understood why she was learning how to  count again instead of making music like she wanted to. Today's meeting, hopefully, would change that since she was supposed to be meeting the group she'd be working with over the next few months. Starting from her first week in Korea Adrienne had been meeting with the founder of her new place of employment, Bang Si-Hyuk, and although communicating with him and other members of the staff was difficult at first Adrienne honestly felt like she made the right decision in coming to work for them. Currently, her Korean was nowhere near the level she wanted it to be in order to feel comfortable speaking but at the very least she was able to communicate and understand simple sentences. 

Hopefully everyone she met spoke really really slowly.

The petite brunette clutched the notebooks filled with music and lyrics in her arms closer to her chest as she lingered in a small room she wasn't familiar with, she was given a tour of the BigHit building when she visited the first time but this particular room with different kinds of trinkets and toys placed all about was definitely not a stop on that tour. Korea was a far cry from her hometown; common, similar and friendly people and places being replaced with the sharp, unfamiliar and often aloof scenery of the far east. It was…jarring to say the least when she’d first arrived in the city but after being here for a few months Adrienne was certain she would get used to it, eventually.

The sensation of her phone buzzing in her pocket made Adrienne jump and drop the notebooks she was clutching to her chest.

"Yeoboseyo!" Adrienne answered in an overly cheery voice.

"Andy?"

The sound of her sister's voice made Adrienne sigh in relief as she bent down to begin picking up the books she dropped.

"You've only been there for a couple months, have you already stopped speaking English?"

"Shut up, my tutor says that I should speak in Korean whenever I have the chance so I can get used to talking."

"Oh, that makes sense. Have you gotten any better since the last time we spoke?"

"I think it does too, and do you mean last week? No, I don't think I've gotten better since last week" Adrienne chortled and shuffled around the pages that fell out of her notebooks "I mean I understand the basics of pronunciation but it's the vocab and remembering how to structure my sentences that's really tripping me up."

"Right, right. Well just keep it up I know you'll get it soon."

"Thanks sis, did you just call to check up on my progress? I know this call is expensive for you."

"No, that's not all I wanted to hear how your meeting went! Were they nice to you? I don't need to fly over there and kick anyone's ass right?"

Adrienne giggled and shook her head even though Danielle couldn't see her "You know it's only a little after two o'clock here right? I haven't met anyone yet. I'm actually sitting on the floor in the middle of a computer room or something. I have no idea when they're going to show up."

***

Yoongi was tired. 

Actually, tired may not have been an accurate description for what he was feeling at the moment; exhausted, drained, depleted were all good words but still weren't quite enough to cover it. He had been up and on the road before the sun had risen that morning and his day was showing no signs of ending or slowing down anytime soon. The day started off with a fansign event in an area nearly three hours from their dorm which meant they had to get an early start if they were going to do the fansign and make it back to Seoul for the interviews they had lined up to begin promoting their upcoming album which they hadn't even started preparing yet. When his boss informed him that they were contracting an outside producer to co-produce their next body of work Yoongi assumed he meant someone from Korea, not an unknown person from a country Yoongi had never heard of, which meant that they'd have to teach them their language before they even began working together. He hoped that all the effort and expense the company was exerting was worth it for this one person, but being the slightly pessimistic person he was Yoongi highly doubted it.

He was only partially asleep when they pulled up to the BigHit building, he would never be able to restfully nap with all the noise Taehyung, Jimin and Jungkook made during their commutes. When they pulled up to the entrance Yoongi was jarred awake, accidentally, by a paper ball that was meant to hit Jimin, who was sitting next to him. 

"Who's throwing things?" Yoongi groaned and sat up, the sour look on his face making it obvious just how annoyed he was. Taehyung's eyes widened when he caught notice of this and he immediately turned around and faced forward.

"You have to get up anyway Yoongi-hyung" Namjoon spoke up from the front seat of the van "We only have a few minutes before our next interview so you have to talk to the new producer now."

Yoongi huffed but got up and quickly exited the van, well as quickly as he could move, he was not looking forward to this at all and that was apparent in his movements. The last thing he wanted to be doing was babysitting someone for the rest of the day on top of the photo shoots and interviews he and the rest of BTS had scheduled, he did enough babysitting with his group members. Unfortunately, the plans for the day were not up for Yoongi to decide so he found himself wandering through the halls of the BigHit building until he stopped in front of the room he, Namjoon and Hoseok spent the majority of their time in when they weren't practicing or on the road. As his hand moved to twist the doorknob he paused and leaned an ear against the frosted glass. He could hear a muffled voice inside that sounded very female and very foreign.

It took him a few seconds to form a gameplan, on the one hand, there was the possibility that the voice could belong to a sasaeng who managed to sneak past security and he'd be risking his safety to go in alone. There was also the possibility that the voice belonged to his new co-producer but that seemed less likely, surely his boss would have mentioned the person he would be working was female at least once. Yoongi realised he was wasting time he didn't have to spare just standing around doing nothing so against his better judgement he twisted the doorknob and walked through.  

The sight he was met with made him stop in his tracks and raise a confused eyebrow skyward; someone he didn't know was sitting on the floor surrounded by pages of sheet music while singing into a cellphone in a language he didn't understand but he guessed to be English.

"Uh-Can I help you?"

The woman's head whipped around and green eyes scanned over his face before meeting his own and Yoongi became frozen in place.

***

“Can I help you?” The sound of a male voice pulled Adrienne from her acapella and made her head snap to the direction it came from, her eyes bouncing all over the boy's features. It took her a second to recognise the face but once she did Adrienne smiled and moved to stand up.

"Dani, I'll call you back" Adrienne whispered into the receiver before disconnecting her phone call and putting her cell phone into her pocket. "You're Suga, right? It's nice to finally meet you! I'm Adrienne" She spoke slowly and carefully even she had this introduction practically memorised by now, all she needed to do was insert someone's name.

Yoongi was still standing in his place near the front door while Adrienne introduced herself, it wasn't until she bowed and moved closer that he remembered they were on borrowed time and he didn't have the luxury of gawking. 

"Yeah, I'm Suga" He croaked then cleared his throat "What did you say your name was?"

"Adrie- Call me Andy if that's easier. Um, I'm the co-producer? We were supposed to meet today?"

"Seriously?" Yoongi blurted out.

"Yes, I guess no one told you I was a woman....or black." Adrienne chuckled nervously.

"Oh, n-no that's not," Yoongi exhaled and opened his mouth to speak again before his phone began buzzing; it was a message from Namjoon asking what was taking so long. "We have to go now," He said to Adrienne as he gestured toward the door.

"Go? I thought...what about the music?" She asked and gestured toward her notebooks.

"No time," Yoongi answered in halted English "We talk on way."

On the way to where? Adrienne wanted to ask but considering the fact that her partner was already halfway out the door she knew she wouldn't have to time to question everything. So she quickly scooped up her notebooks off the floor and scurried after him before she lost his trail. He was quiet as he led them back out to the van where everyone else was waiting and they made sure to let Yoongi know that they had been waiting for him by berating him loudly and incessantly when the van door slid open. That is until they caught sight of the small girl trailing behind him and the complaints slowed to a halt while their attention focused in on Adrienne as she climbed into the van after Yoongi did and took the empty seat next to his since she assumed that what she was supposed to do.

"Hello," she waved and spoke softly from the back of the van. The driver began to pull off but everyone's eyes were still trained on her, "I'm Andy, the new producer?"

"Oooh," they all sighed collectively and nodded in acknowledgment. 

"Your hair is pretty" Adrienne heard the boy with a deep voice compliment her from the middle row and she smiled timidly as the two boys on the side of him playfully punched his shoulders and chastised him.

"Thank you" She answered through her chuckles as she twirled one of her braids around her fingers. "I'm really excited to start working with all of you," Adrienne spoke up again as she felt Yoongi grumble and sink down into the seat, his beanie being pulled down over his face in a way that signified he had no desire to talk at that moment. 

Which was fine by Adrienne, she wanted to get to know the people she would be making music for anyway. Something told her she was going to enjoy that process more than anything else.

[alloverthegaf]

If you're still taking prompts, I'd like to send in again "Jarvis finds a secret OP in a certain mountain, while scanning for irregularities in the military dealings with STARK industries." Aka. Tony finds the Stargate. I'm still interested in reading that ^^

You are insanely patient and kind for how long you waited for me to write this my dude, thank you, and thanks for sending it again and reminding me of it because I was so in love with the idea. Hopefully this makes it up to you because this is definitely the longest thing I’ve written in a while, especially in one sitting. I had SO much fun developing the universe for this one too, and have a couple of vague ideas to maybe add to it in the future.

FYI we’re pretending the Marvel and Stargate timelines match up, don’t question it.

“Sir.”

Tony looks up from his welding torch, shoving the goggles away from his eyes. “What have you got, J?”

A second’s hesitation, which is enough by JARVIS’ standards to have Tony apprehensive. “A problem, Sir.”

Tony leans back in his chair, rolling slightly with the momentum. Well, that’s no surprise. He’s spent the past month and a half tracking down all organisations and branches of military connected to Stark Industries - or rather, he’s had JARVIS track them down - in his ongoing mission to right the wrongs of his war-mongering past. His main goal since the whole terrible clash with Obie has been to put the last scraps of his violent profiteering to rest, and that involves sifting through everyone who’s ever bought a single gun designed by his hands, evaluating their need for his weapons, analysing the actions made, the ambitions desired by his previous customers. In some cases, mostly private militant groups and a number of organisations Tony likes to think even the old him would never have dealt with if it hadn’t been Obie doing the deals and shaking the hands, it’s a simple enough decision; recall what was sold, reimburse them for their troubles, and sic the most well paid lawyers in America on them if they try to fight it.

In other areas, it’s a great deal more complicated, areas like the army where it’s not as simple as taking back what he made and leaving them to fend for themselves. Some few, like the Air Force where Rhodey not only has a great deal of influence but has spent half of his life fighting for, he leaves alone.

JARVIS has been going periodically through every customer on the extensive list and making evaluations of his own to triage the ones that Tony needs to go over. After some thought Tony had confirmed that he should go through all branches of the Air Force as well, because while Rhodey believes in them and he believes in Rhodey, he knows his best friend’s reach is not infinite.

“What kind of problem?”

“I have tracked a number of Personal Defence Weapons to a Top Secret Air Force facility in Colorado. It claims to be a Deep Space Radar Telemetry unit but all information regarding the outfit is classified.”

Tony raises an eyebrow. JARVIS isn’t one to let a little thing like ‘classified’ stop him. “So de-classify it.”

“I did, Sir.”

Another hesitation. Tony feels his curiosity piqued. “Do you want a drum roll?”

JARVIS doesn’t respond, simply throws up the very secret, very illegally obtained files on the nearest screen. Tony cocks his head towards it and rolls his chair closer. Five minutes of reading and Tony finds himself checking to make sure it’s not April 1st.

“Am I not giving you enough attention, JARVIS? You playing pranks on your old man now?”

“I assure you, Sir, this is all directly from the Air Force database.”

Tony goes back to the files. “Hmm.”

The klaxon is ringing in his ears, accompanied by a rhythmic ‘intruder alert’ as Daniel rushes through the grey corridors of Stargate Command. It’s a testament to just how long he’s spent in this facility that he no longer gets lost, so many levels and hallways all so eerily identical it’s as if they were specifically designed to spin you in circles.

Jack insists it’s simply because the Air Force “has a boner for boring”. Daniel had rolled his eyes at the comment, but secretly he’d agreed.

It’s not the more common alarm warning of an off-world activation, and that more than anything has Daniel on edge. Perhaps he should find some kind of relief in the fact that there isn’t a System Lord currently trying to bash their way through the Iris, but that situation at least is familiar. They’ve never had someone actually break into the mountain from the more Earthly side before. Their security’s too good for that. Which means whoever’s managed to push their way in must be better.

Daniel’s first suspicion is NID. He’s deeply hoping he’s wrong. He’s had about enough of them to last two lifetimes.

He turns the corner and finds a row of airmen stationed in front of the elevator doors, guns raised and at the ready. General Hammond stands behind them, Jack at his side.

It takes a moment for Daniel to register that whatever team has managed to find their way past the SGC’s defences - or blast their way through, and thinking of the friendly corporal who’d waved him through the front gate this morning he sincerely hopes it’s the former option - are now using the elevator. As he reaches Jack’s side and takes in the steady line of guns pointed at the doors, he wonders if he’s missing some kind of tactical psych out tactic the enemy has employed, or if they simply made it this far on sheer dumb luck.

Jack gives him the side-eye, his own gun held steady in his hands. “Daniel.”

Daniel gives him the side-eye right back. “Jack.”

“Any reason you’ve volunteered yourself for the first line of defence?”

Years of experience has Daniel recognising the reproach for what it is, and years of experience has him waving it off with ease. “We might be able to negotiate.”

Jack doesn’t even try to hide the full bodied sigh at that response. “You might get your head blown off.”

Daniel shrugs. “That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?”

The elevator dings, the sound obnoxiously bright and cheery in the circumstances, and Jack’s eyes flit back, laser focused. The gun in his hands is raised and Daniel notices with a mix of appreciation and irritation that he steps forward and to the right slightly, putting himself in Daniel’s line of fire.

The room holds their breath, then the doors open, and -

“Iron Man?” one of the men in front whispers with something that sounds embarrassingly like awe. Jack’s eyes narrow and Daniel’s mouth drops open.

The red and gold suit steps forward once, twice, and raises its hands in a peaceful gesture. “Hey. I heard you were having a party.”

It certainly sounds like Stark’s voice, modulated as it is through the suit’s speakers. General Hammond recovers first, demanding “reveal yourself immediately.”

Surprisingly, he does. First the faceplate flips up, showing Tony Stark’s handsome face and iconic facial hair, before the rest of the suit opens. Daniel watches with wide eyes as the panels fold back on themselves and Stark steps out smoothly in a suit that even from this distance he can tell costs more than a month’s rent. “Mister Stark,” Hammond says warily. “This is a top secret facility and upon breaking in you have violated - “

“Yes, yes, I know, big trouble,” says Stark with a flippant wave of his hand. “Feel free to arrest me. I’m sure the media will just love to get my statement on why the Air Force are throwing me in a cell.”

“Is that a threat, Stark?” Jack asks, unamused. Unlike some of the greener men in the room, he’s clearly far from awestruck of the celebrity - and superhero - who’s just crashed his way into Cheyenne Mountain.

“I’m actually hoping we can avoid all the threatening and grand-standing,” he replies. “I’m not here to fight.” He grimaces, just a hint apologetic, and gestures to the suit standing behind him as he says “uh, despite appearances.”

“It’s generally considered polite to call ahead before dropping in,” Jack says, dry as the Sahara.

Tony throws a shiny white smile at him, all charm and boyish innocence. “Have I ever been known to be polite?”

“What is it exactly you want, Mr Stark?” asks Hammond with a deep wariness.

Tony turns his eyes to the General, and for the first time he looks serious as he responds, “to talk, General. How about we start there?”

Mr-Stark-Call-Me-Tony stands by the windows of the briefing room, looking out over the Stargate below with what Daniel assumes is intent fascination. SG-1 sit stiffly at the table with Hammond at the end, watching the billionaire closely. “How is it that you found out about our operation, Mr Stark?”

Tony replies without looking away from the giant ring, something like dry amusement in his tone. “I’m not just famous for my dashing good looks, General. Your firewalls are impressive, by Air Force standards, but they’d hardly a match against me. Don’t feel too bad, no one’s is.”

“So you thought you’d just drop by for a visit?” asks Jack. He’s clearly unimpressed with the man, from his confident swagger to his effortless charm and apparent arrogance. Daniel himself is hardly star-struck; logically he knows the man’s famous, and even he absorbs enough news to know about the violent battle between him and the other unknown pilot that occurred in New York about two months ago. But his job is to study people, and he’s been studying Stark since the moment the faceplate lifted. The confidence the man exudes covers the uncertainty in his eyes. The million dollar smile takes away from the slight tremble in his hands. The flippant jokes distract from the tight lines on his face.

So, Daniel’s reserving judgement. At least until he knows why Stark is here.

“Sure,” Stark responds, finally turning to face them. His hands move to his pockets and he rocks back slightly on his heels. “I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’ve been shaking things up a little back at SI. Re-evaluating our priorities. I’ve been investigating everyone who’s ever bought so much as a bullet from me, and wasn’t I just full of questions when I came across you.”

Daniel sees Jack glance almost guiltily down at the handgun attached to his hip from the corner of his eye, and Sam doing the same across the table. He’s never personally paid much attention to the gun he uses, prefers to know as little about it as possible, in fact, but he’s seen the Stark logo around base enough times. More than that, he remembers the rant Jack had gone on after Stark had announced the complete retraction of weapons manufacturing. He’d stomped around Daniel’s office the whole time, gesticulating wildly and shouting about unreliability and leaving good men and women in the dust without a way to defend themselves. As if Daniel understood or sympathised at all about the importance of killing machines sold for a profit.

To be fair, Jack had ended his rant with a grudging admission of respect for the man’s apparent new values, and a wince of sympathy for what he must have gone through in those three months of absence. There had been an understanding in Jack’s eyes as he quietly admitted Stark had probably been tortured that Daniel hadn’t stopped seeing behind his eyelids for days afterwards.

“You could have gone through the proper channels,” Hammond reprimands. It’s that tone of disappointment that has managed to make even Jack shuffle guiltily in the past, and Daniel’s gratified to see that the great Tony Stark isn’t entirely immune, but the grimace is wiped from his face as quickly as it comes. “And would I have ever gotten clearance?”

“Probably not,” says Jack unapologetically. “Someone of your... status is a little too public for our liking.”

“Oh come on, Colonel,” says Tony with another of those ‘look how much I don’t care’ grins. “We both know it’s not my celebrity you disapprove of.”

Jack doesn’t argue the point.

“What is it exactly you want from us, Mr Stark?” asks Sam. She and Teal’c have remained silent up until now; Teal’c clearly doesn’t understand or care who this man is, and appears to be happy to leave this issue to his human friends. Sam has been quietly observing and absorbing the situation, but Daniel would bet money that he saw something like excitement show on her face when she first discovered just who had broken into the SGC with all the grace of a rhino. “Are you here to reclaim the weapons you sold to us?”

“I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure when I first found out,” says Tony. He regards Sam seriously, and, Daniel is gratified to see, with no small amount of respect. “I needed to see for myself, to understand what exactly it is you do here, what you’re... fighting against.”

“Our enemy is most malicious and powerful,” Teal’c speaks for the first time, his words heavy and serious. “They are a threat not only to us but to your entire world.”

“Yeah. I got that.” All amusement has dropped from Stark’s face, the carefree attitude gone to show the stance of someone serious and, perhaps, just a little bit scared. “I’ve read all about those alien slugs. I realise they’re no small threat.” The corner of his mouth ticks up, just a bit. “And I read all about you, Big Guy. I would love to pick your brain some time.”

Teal’c raises one unimpressed eyebrow. “I must decline such an unpleasant experience.” Stark’s face lights up at his deadpan response.

“Mr Stark,” says Hammond, attempting to get them back on track. If you’re not here to reclaim your weapons, why are you here?”

A moment longer of looking at Teal’c before he turns back to the General, serious again. “I’m here to learn, General. That’s my main goal here. I want to understand what exactly it is the world is up against. I want to study what you’ve already discovered.” He glances behind his shoulder, back into the Gate Room. “I would love to do some further study on how that works.”

“I could walk you through that,” Sam pipes up, then immediately looks at Hammond apologetically. “If, uh, you’re approved, that is.”

“It’s Carter, right?” Tony asks, looks at the pins on her shoulders, then at her. “Major Carter? I can tell you probably the only part of this whole thing that wasn’t a surprise was that you were involved. I’ve read your work on astrophysics, Major. You have a beautiful brain.” He says it with a salacious wink, but before Jack and Daniel can do so much as tense, he continues “honestly, if they hadn’t already recruited you I’d be making some phone calls right about now.”

Sam stares at him, clearly a little awe-struck and trying to hide it. “Th... thank you, Mr Stark. I’m familiar with your work as well. Your research articles on quantum mechanics has actually helped me a number of times while working on the Stargate program.

Tony grins, but it’s smaller and softer than the ones he’s thrown at them up until now. He actually looks a little proud when he says “glad I could be of assistance, Major.”

“So, that’s it?” asks Jack. He seems to have been slightly mollified by Stark’s genuine respect for Sam, but there’s still suspicion in his eyes and his voice. “You just want to learn? Do a book report?”

“Not just learn, Colonel,” is Tony’s quiet response. He looks at each of them in turn, putting the intended weight behind his words when he continues.

“I want to help.”

[theplaguezine]

MORTIIS

Interview with Mortiis by Daniel Hinds

(conducted November 1999)

Mortiis is the elusive musician that started his career as bassist for the notorious black metal outfit known as Emperor, before going solo and heading off into uncharted territory.  Using synths, he has created some stirring, epic-length pieces that blend dark ambient with medieval folk and even some classical music elements.

Released through Sweden's Cold Meat Industry and his own Dark Dungeon Music, the drow elf produced four full-length albums before signing with Earache for his latest, The Stargate.  Using the vocal talents of Sarah Jezebel Deva (ex of Cradle of Filth) and Kalle Metz, this album shows Mortiis developing a much broader and deeper sound than ever before.

After a string of dates here in the U.S. with Christian Death, Mortiis and crew were just about to cross the border into Canada when I got a chance to chat with him via cell phone…

Could you tell me a bit about the storyline of The Stargate and what inspired it? I guess musically I was inspired by Basil Poledouris - he did the soundtrack to the first Conan movie, for example.  Musically, that's about the only thing I can put my finger on.  As far as concepts and stuff, there's a myth in certain cultures that you can travel between different dimensions using stars - use them as gates.  I just found that concept very fascinating and it inspired me to do something along the same lines and incorporate that into the whole Mortiis thing.

The CD booklet says "to be continued..." at the end - will it be continued on the next album? Probably not the next album, but at some point in the future I would like to make a second one.  It's not actually finished.  I have the rest of the concept worked out, the storyline so to speak.

Did you come up with the concept before writing any of the music? Sort of.  I think I had some basic musical ideas, maybe a few raw demos or whatever lying around, but I think the storyline was pretty much figured out before I did the music.

In the past, your image has always been very mysterious and in the shadows, but on the Stargate, there are very clear pictures of you on the cover and back cover and tray card.  Why the decision to make yourself more visible this time out? I think I always wanted to do that.  The fact that it turned out the way that it did [in the past] gave people a certain impression - it's not like that was intentional.  We didn't have any professional photo shoots back then, so basically it was me and my girlfriend with an amateur camera, taking photos in the marshes.  That kind of thing, which tends to give things an obscure angle.  So when I had the chance to work with more professional people as far a photo shoot, it turned out differently.  That's how I wanted it from the beginning anyway.

Are you pleased with Earache so far?   Yeah, I guess.  You know the way it is with labels, they can be bastards, but what can I do?  What can I say?  We have a contract.  But I think they're doing a pretty good job, though.  I'm getting to do a lot more shit now that I would have never done with another label.

Do you still have a connection with Cold Meat Industry?   Yeah, sure.  Not at this point, because I'm doing the U.S. support and stuff, but when I'm back home, we do talk.  I'll check in and see what's going on and stuff like that.

How about Debbie at Blackmetal.com? Yeah, how about her?  (laughs)  We were kind of not talking for a long time.  I did a San Francisco show a couple weeks ago and she turned out at the show, she and her guy Elden, they do this thing together [blackmetal.com], and we talked and things were okay.  We exchanged new phone numbers and stuff, so I think that dispute is probably in the past.

How is the tour going? Not very good.  I mean, someone has not taken responsibility for promotion - the promotion is horrible.  I don't know who to blame anymore and I don't want to mention names, but it just seems like no one is doing their job, basically.  We had these posters printed up and we've done like 23 or 24 shows so far and I've seen those posters up at about 3 of the shows.  That's very annoying.  Plus the fact that my album should have been out in the U.S. and Canada at least a month ago, before the tour started.  That got screwed up, so I'm pretty much doing a tour for a record that's not actually out.  If you look away from that, we are getting a good response, which is very good.  People show up at a show that is pretty much not being promoted, they get to hear music they've never heard before, and still at some of the shows we're getting an amazing response.  I'm pretty happy with it, despite everything that's fucked-up about the tour.

Have you done any major touring in the past? No, this is my first tour basically.  I'm being introduced to a pretty rough world right now (laughs).  Is it supposed to be this fucked-up all the time?  But I'm getting the impression that it's not supposed to be this bad.  I've talked to the other people we're touring with who have done this a lot of times and they're like, 'This is a fucked-up tour!'  So, I guess I'll try it again.  Maybe.  (laughs)

I understand that Dark Dungeon Music is closing down.  Is that true?  Why? Yeah.  I was the only guy working at that label.  I was doing everything and it just took up all my time.  I saw my music fall to shit - I could mention a couple of records that I've done that I should have never done or should have taken a lot more time doing.  But I didn't have the time because Dark Dungeon took up all my fucking time.  So, it just came to a point where I realized, okay, this is not working out.  I don't want to do the label anymore.  I hated going down and doing it every day, I hated every minute of it.  I don't want to deal with all these people, I don't want to have all these worries, 'Is he gonna pay me?,' 'Are they gonna pay me?,' 'When are they gonna pay me?' and blah blah blah.  I hated it and I still hate it.  So I put it down.  I want to make music; I don't want to be in the business side of it.

You've always released your music on vinyl.  Is there a vinyl version of The Stargate?  Is that important to you? The Stargate is available on vinyl.  We have a bunch of it in the van.  Vinyl forever!  It is something that I used to be a lot more fanatic about in the past.  I've come to accept CDs.  I mean, you have to accept the day and age that you live in.  If you didn’t do that, you'd be in big trouble.  Time will not wait.  But there's nothing wrong with being a bit nostalgic; I just try not to take it too far.

What is the status of your other projects? I put them down.  Just like with Dark Dungeon Music, I pretty much put everything down the same day, except Mortiis.  This is what I'm going to do now, fuck everything else.  I want to do one great thing instead of a bunch of mediocre stuff.

Is there anyone you would like to collaborate with musically in the future? I don't know.  I could probably come up with a few names, but I don't want to say, "I want to work with this person,' as it might create problems or something.  I'm sure there's a whole bunch of people I'd love to work with, but I'm so used to working alone it's hard to come up with names.  I've never really bothered with other people, never paid attention to anyone else.  I'm starting to change that, I'm starting to look into what other people do and it's pretty healthy, actually.  It's good to be on top of things.

Was it kind of a different experience working with vocalists on this album? Yeah, I was nervous.  Before they came out, I was really nervous.  Like, oh my god, I haven't worked with anybody since Emperor back in '92 and that's like six years at that point.  I don't even know how to collaborate.  But it worked out really good.  It took a little longer than we expected, but just a couple days, no big deal.  But it definitely worked out really good and I definitely plan to continue to work with other people.  It can only make things better.

Would you like to score films at some point? Everybody asks that and I always say that I don't think I'm good enough.  Definitely not good enough.  I mean, I know what I do and I can compare it to movie soundtracks and I'm like, okay, damn.  I'm a long way away from being that good.  That's how I feel anyway.  I mean, I'd love to do it, but I don't consider myself good enough.  That's just me being my worst critic.  At some point, I would like to try something like that out, but maybe not this week.  (laughs)

When you write songs, do you hear the whole work in your head or do you start with one instrument and build it up from there? Kind of both, I guess.  I think I know kind of how I want the song to sound, but it never really turns out like that.  I start realizing, okay this didn't work out, that didn't work out - maybe 50% of what you had in mind stays with you.  The rest is just something that popped up during the writing process.

I read that you are working on a book… That is something that I've been working on for several years.  It's pretty much like the young days of Mortiis up until the day he decides to leave the world he was born into.  It's all very symbolic and reflective of what goes on this world and my own state of mind.  It'll be out next month, as far as I know.

Who is publishing it? Oh, Earache I guess.  They're doing like a limited edition thing, a box with The Stargate CD and the book.  Sometime in November.

Are you happy with how the book came out? Well, basically, if I were to do it today, 90% of that I would have never done.  It's like a diary almost of the last few years and it's the oddest thing to see the changes in the attitude.  In that sense, it's very interesting.  As far as me being very naïve and evil and shit like that, but as you grow and develop, your mind matures a little bit and becomes more realistic.

www.mortiis.com

[bambyeol]

Unlocked (part 1)

pairing/s: park jihoon x oc genre : fluff, domestic characters: Park Jihoon, OC (Bae Riseul), Kang Daniel, Ong Seongwoo, Park Woojin, Lai Guanlin

I’m back with this second fic !  (≧▽≦)/  Pairing is the same, but I promise that I’ll expand the pairings as time goes  . I’m still swamped with school works, and it’s EXAM SEASON   (ಥ﹏ಥ) (and I really shouldn’t be writing honestly but lol) , but once it’s Christmas break, I’ll be fully devoting my break to writing wanna one imagines, so please bear with me for a while  (｡•́︿•̀｡) 

disclaimer: pictures used for the moodboard aren’t mine // I’m not the best fluff writer (I live and breath angst) , hopefully this fic meets your fluff standards  __φ(．．) .... 

Lastly, Unlocked will be a TWO PART fic so I hope you support this baby. 

masterlist for other fanfics  

prompt: your apartment is next to mine and I can hear you and your partner dancing and singing and the bed moving and you two laughing and talking in hushed tones and it won’t let me sleep so I bitch about it to you 24/7 and one day it stops. One day turns to one week and then months, and I haven’t seen you smile in forever.. please let me in, I’ve been knocking for ten minutes now. (credit goes to: au prompts list)

song inspiration: 갖고 싶어 (I Wanna Have) by Wanna One

UNLOCKED FINAL

Park Jihoon probably remembers her as the snarky, bitchy neighbor considering that all their communications included her trying to cut his throat with threats, but to Bae Riseul’s defense, Park Jihoon is not exactly the best neighbor.

He is pretty rude  . Scratch that, more like hella rude.

Because who even sings karaoke at 1 a.m with the music blaring through the walls and though she appreciates his melodic low voice, it doesn’t make up for his failure in belting (which he unfailingly does every time he tries karaoke), and then Jihoon and his girlfriend’s laughter would reverberate in the apartment, drowning in the mishaps and blunder.

Because who even decides to dance their asses off at 10 p.m. and incorporate a lot of feet movements. The vibration generated by their stomping, rustling and sweeping flowed through her apartment.

She sighed when she heard the remarkable shrill of their voice reaching the depths of her apartment again. She is used to this. Riseul even developed her sense of observation through the sounds and movement. This time, the sound that entered her apartment went by Pew pew !

Riseul sees the wall protrude a little – the nerf bullet grazing it. Enough is enough. She headed to the apartment next door.

“Mr. Park,” she breathes viciously when the tall figure of Jihoon emerged. He is holding a nerf gun and strapped on his eyes were protective glasses. “I’ve already told you.. for a millionth time that there is a right time for everything and playing nerf gun at this godly hour is not where RIGHT belongs!”

“Jihoonie !” a sweet, high-pitched voice perks, and Jihoon and shifts a little to the right. Everything blurred because there was a sudden sensation of rubber against her forehead. “Oh my,” eyes bugging out and mouth wide with shock.

Riseul closes her eyes tightly to contain the annoyance from spilling further and reopens it only to watch Jihoon stifle his laughter.

“Is there something funny?” Riseul’s eyes narrows down to Jihoon who immediately straightens up like he was being scolded by his boss. “No, ma’am. I’m sorry about our noise,” but she could still see his lips quivering and one end tugging upward.

“Look, I get it. This is a pretty cheap apartment, and I don’t want and I never will file a complaint to the landlord because that’s just going to make this more complicated, so let’s all be adults and try to settle this by ourselves,”  Riseul crosses her arms, and looks at him straight in the eye before she turns back and slams the door.

The noise from Jihoon’s apartment fades away, proceeding to the bathroom for a facial but is greeted by a large red dot on her forehead. “PARK JIHOON !” Riseul cries out, rage unmodulated, and she hears from across the other room, “We’re sorry !!”

She forgives them though when they sent some baked pastries, but maybe it was also a disclaimer that they would return to their usual activities because not less than a week since that incident, Riseul hears the moving of furniture, and the uncontrollable giggling and hushed tones (Jihoon sucked at it because she still heard him saying, “Let’s make some fort with the bed.”) .

So for the next hour, she tolerated the wood scratching, toe stubs, and bickering on how to build the fort.

She likes them – despite their antics and her frequent episodes of raging into their apartment. Bae Riseul has a soft spot for them because she was the witness of their relationship, so she was always quick to forgive. Maybe they knew about it, so they keep on looping back into their childishness. Not that it matters.

They are good people who looks out for her in their own way. One time, Jihoon’s girlfriend barraged the doorbell to check Riseul’s health when she was down with a bad case of flu. Afterwards, she prepared a bowl of porridge and even prepared the medicine because she didn’t have any energy to cook nor even move from her bed.

But one day, all the noises dissolved from Park Jihoon’s apartment, and Riseul was given a proper night of rest. There were some rattling from time to time but Riseul knew that it was just clanking of metal. Park Jihoon was just cooking. There weren’t any wasted movements, no high-pitched squeal and laughter. She shrugged it off at first, and enjoyed the freedom from the disturbance, but one day turned to one week. A week turned to month, or months, and Riseul didn’t know what excuse to come up with to brush away her worries.  

So, without thinking of a plan, she heads out to Jihoon’s apartment, her knocking continuous (for about 10 minutes now).. Riseul stood there freezing, and knocking and mentally debating whether to head back to her apartment, but she has already invested 10 minutes of her time and she was too prideful to call this a failed attempt.

Park Jihoon opens the door, and she breathes with relief. He scrutinizes her from head to toe before turning back to her face, “Is there any problem?” he asks with a polite smile - a smile Riseul is not accustomed with. Gone was the smile that annoyed Riseul, but puzzlingly, she misses the goofy grin that withstood whatever dose of bitchiness she threw at him. “Oh, uhm,” realizing that she didn’t plan for this after all. Riseul bites her lip with reluctance, “Would you mind having dinner with me?”

She mentally slaps herself because it was the poorest excuse she could even muster, and who would even agree to suddenly act all chummy and have dinner with the neighbor who used to tear him down?  But his stare means that he is considering it, and he looks back at his own kitchen where Riseul sees a glimpse of plates dumped in the washer, unattended for a few days now (he was tidy when she was still there..) and he contemplates for a few seconds as if he was seeing someone who wasn’t there and asking for her permission.

Park Jihoon turns back, eyes a little glazed with same fake polite smile.

“Sure, I’d love some company,”

The kimchi stew boiled, and Jihoon turns off the fire while Riseul chopped the onions, minced the garlic, sliced the vegetables and marinated the meat in a way that would put professional cooks to shame. She didn’t know what he liked, and he wasn’t disclosing anything about him when she asked what he wanted for dinner.

“Anything’s fine,” he tells her, so she went with the basics – kimchi stew , chicken and bibimbap.

It is the first time she entered his apartment, but the design of his room that is akin to hers made her feel less nervous. He excuses himself, and begins decluttering the kitchen from the unwashed dishes and pointed towards the refrigerator to just get whatever she needed. She ties her hair and goes to work.

He sets up the table in silence, and sits, staring at her back while she hummed and twirled the chopsticks to the beat (Riseul forgot that she wasn’t in her apartment) . “Do you need some help?” She shakes her head before bringing the bowl along with the chicken and bibimbap.

Riseul watched Jihoon with expectant eyes because she was aware of her cooking prowess. He leans, grabs a morsel of every dish. Nervousness seeps in when she realized that this is the first time she ever cooked for another person.

And why are they not even weirded out by the turn of events?

He takes a small bite, chews for a while before his eyes lightened up. “This is good,” he affirms, fishing out more food from the serving bowls. Riseul fist pumps under the table.

“You’re not going to eat?” His eyebrows creasing with concern. Riseul raises her hands defensively. “Oh. I will eat now. Don’t worry about me,” hastily and stiffly picking up food leading to losing grip on some food. Jihoon laughs softly, and covers his mouth upon realizing.

“I’m sorry,” he tried to hide his growing smile. “It’s just. I can’t take this heavy atmosphere any more like we’re going to battle over dinner,” he places his chopsticks back on the table and let out a laugh like the one he makes whenever he was with her.

She blushes deeply when Jihoon points out her stiffness, but enjoyed how he was reverting to his old self. “Mr. Park, no elbows on the table,” she reprimands as a joke which he understood when he immediately took it off and placed his hands in a salute. “Yes, ma’am.”

They talked over the dinner and she realized that Park Jihoon is more mature despite his seeming childishness. Soon, dinner is over, and she helped clean before leading herself out of his apartment.

“Ms. Bae?” Jihoon calls out, his movements wavering, and voice marked with reluctance. She turns, her hand still on the doorknob.

“Would you mind if you continued having dinner with me?”

Riseul blinks a couple of times. Jihoon looks at her expectantly, and maybe she can sense his loneliness that built up over the past months. She shakes her head with a kind smile. “I don’t mind. Then, I’ll see you again tomorrow, Mr. Park,”

What started as one day of having dinner turned to one week, then month and finally to months. They began having rotations on the cooking, and apartment even if there really wasn’t that much difference in their apartments.

“No. That’s not how you cook it,” pushing Jihoon away from the sizzling cauldron, and she looks to her side, “Oh my God! Don’t put that!” but she is too late, and fire lit up from the pan. Riseul rushes for the baking soda and pours it all over the burning pan.

“Jihoon-ssi” She breathes calmly but menacingly. Jihoon gulps nervously, adam’s apple bobbing, and a single thread of sweat trickles down from his forehead. “What did I say again yesterday?” Riseul smiles as she raises the burnt pan.

“That I should not copy your techniques, ma’am,” Jihoon stands straight, hands tucked behind. Riseul places the pan back to the stove, “It’s okay,” and Riseul breaks into laughter. “You really thought I’d get angry ?” smacking Jihoon’s tense shoulders.

“Oh please, you’re always angry,” Jihoon retorts and Riseul feigns fake anger. “Now, I’m angry.” Jihoon reverts to his worried phase, forehead slowly showing its crease. “Anddddd. I got you, again.”

Jihoon slumps to the floor, and looks at her with shimmering eyes and pouting lips. “Please stop confusing me.” She sticks out her tongue, trying to remain unaffected with his cutesy act. For the past few months, they discovered so much about each other, and now there is growing affection inside her.  

She might possibly have a crush on Park Jihoon….   How else could she explain why she finds his unbearable personality as endearing?

Park Jihoon is a Gemini because one second he’s the most inspiring, wise and mature man she has ever known, and then the next, he would point his prized nerf gun to Riseul, blackmailing her to surrender her chips in the pantry. “Riseul-ssi . You remember how red your forehead was for 3 days when the nerf bullet hit you in the forehead, right?” Riseul would glance at him before admitting her defeat by giving him the key to the chips cabinet.

Park Jihoon is a huge softie. He works at the local veterinary as assistant veterinarian even though he is the most sensitive when it came to animals. One night, Jihoon knocked at her apartment pleading that they watch a documentary about hedgehogs. Midway through the documentary, he was bawling his eyes out.

“I’m sorry, they’re just. One hedgehog died awhile ago and I just remembered Marty.” Riseul looked at him with questioning eyes. “So… You disturbed my precious day-off to bear with this 2 hour documentary just so you could open up about Marty?”

She kicked him out of her apartment, but to make up for it, she sent him cute pictures of animals to cheer him up.

Why is she so tolerating towards him again ?

“You’re grinning on your phone,” Daniel raises his eyebrows when he caught Jihoon. “And I bet you’re not realizing it.” Jihoon rotates his chair and places the phone facedown. “What were you saying?” Seongwoo peeks from the doorway, eyes growing larger with fascination. “I told you so!”  Seongwoo shouts to Daniel. Jihoon looks at them, tilting his head unable to understand what the two have betted on this time. Daniel leaves the room to tend to the store, eyes crinkling, too amused. Jihoon rolls his eyes, and scrolls through his phone again.

“Chicken and beer?” Riseul texted. “Your treat? (✧ω✧)”   “What? No. (‡▼益▼)” “Who poured one whole pack of chili pepper again to the dinner and messed with my stomach as a prank? (」°ロ°)」” “Ok. Fine, wink boy. My treat later, but you’ll still be coming home crying and drunk,” “At least my wallet wouldn’t be empty and crying, [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅] ”

The bell attached on the front door jiggled and Jihoon leaves the room next to the store to attend to the new customer. Upon arriving, he finds Seongwoo silent and Daniel tapping the shoulder of the black-haired man, leading him out of the store. Jihoon raises his eyebrow, and gets a better view of the guest.

“Jihoon-ah,” she smiles softly. “May I have some of your time?” Jihoon finds himself nodding.

Riseul enters the restaurant and reserves for the table near the cashier. Jihoon and Riseul are frequent customers of the restaurant just 5 minutes away from the train station that boasts of delicious braised ribs, chicken feet and blood sausage, but more than that, their liquor is cheap, and for Jihoon and Riseul who agreed to hold their Friday dinner as a liquor day, the restaurant was perfect.

“Gonna order now. Hurry up, I’m hungry (」°ロ°)」” “Coming soon, mad dragon 🐲 “ “Childish piglet ヽ( ˋ(00)´ )ノ” “How dare you !  Σ(□_□) (°ㅂ°╬)ヾ(`ヘ´)ﾉﾞ Fite me.”

She catches herself grinning, and mentally scolds herself for it. Park Jihoon’s childishness doesn’t equate to affection. It is natural for him to act that way to everyone (though she isn’t exactly sure of that because she hasn’t seen him interact with others apart from her…) …

It has been an hour since he texted her, and Riseul tapped the table impatiently. The table has already been laden with the food, and hungry is an understatement. She is famished. She is about to text Jihoon another text when she notices him breezing in the entrance.

She waves to him, and motions him to walk faster, and he smiles back and mouths off, “I’m sorry, I’m late.” Riseul’s stomach does a double flip. All her immunity to Park Jihoon has been chipped off.

“Hard day at work?” she rests her head on top of her knuckles standing on the table.  

He pauses for a moment and scratches his neck “Got sidetracked a bit.”  He pulls a chair in front of her and sits. “Let’s eat now?”

Riseul sips on the 6th bottle of soju, and notices Jihoon wobbling, eyes fluttering messily in what seems to be an attempt to keep his consciousness. She sets down the bottle deciding that it was time to go back before he even starts to become a sobbing mess (which is Riseul’s frequent predicament when she drinks with Jihoon)

“Let’s go home?” she bends her knees as she talked with Jihoon like that of an adult talking to a child. Jihoon stretches his arms wide, and shakes his head, eyes closed.

“Carry me?” he pleads, and Riseul wanted to spit the soju she just drank because of how ridiculous the situation is.

“I can’t do that. I’ll hold your arm instead,” she tries to speak with an understanding tone. Jihoon pouts but accepts her suggestion. They walk out of the restaurant and begin the long trek towards the apartment.

“Riiiiseeeulll – sssii,” Jihoon stops, and turns to her while tilting his head as if he was in deep thought. “Whyyyy are youu so uptight?” he peers, pointing accusingly as he slurred.

She shakes her head, used to the situation she found herself in. Park Jihoon is an annoying drunk because he always makes fun of her, of her voice, her attitude, her inability to become intoxicated. Everything in general. She knows, Jihoon means no harm with his words, so she tolerates it every time.

“You’re drunk, Jihoon-ssi.”

Jihoon breaks free from Riseul’s hold, and walks a few steps back laughing as he falls to the ground. “Seeeee. Youu are uptighttt. Iff you weerren’t, thenn youu’d be calling meee Jihoon-ahh or Jihooniee.”

“Heyyyy, callll my nameee… Jihoooniieee” he tugs her clothes when she approaches him, but she steels herself to not fall further.

“I don’t see why I should,” but of course that’s a lie. She wants to call him like that- filled with affection, but one-sided emotions aren’t ideal and she’ll just hurt herself in the process.

“Youu like me though,” he pouts and her heart thunderously beats. “I’mmm perfecttt afterrr all!” he shouts his proclamation. Two, Park Jihoon is a narcissistic drunk. He laughs, but tears were forming on his eyes. It is starting. The most annoying phase of Jihoon’s intoxication.

“Why are you so uptight?” he sobs. “And you’re always angry,” he hiccups. “Call mee Jihooonieee already so I can call you Riseullll,” he wails like a petulant child.

Between controlling the heat that spread across her cheeks and managing Jihoon’s drunken stupor, Riseul didn’t know what weighed more because all the butterflies in her stomach were flying and her face as red as Jihoon’s flush from the alcohol.

She tries to make him stand but he doesn’t stop his tantrum. “Call me Jihoonie.” He looks at her straight in the eyes.

How can a drunk man look so ? ? ?

“Jihoonie,” she breathes out and she was afraid that maybe Jihoon could hear the beating of her heart, but Jihoon smiles and inches closer. She stays there frozen. “Risseuulll.” He lets out and he was about to reach for her face.

.

.

.

“I… think I’mmm gonna throw up..” making his hand retreat and cover his mouth instead. Riseul didn’t know if what she felt was relieved or regret.

They were in front of Jihoon’s apartment and he scrummaged to find his apartment keys inside his bag. When he finally finds it, he notices two dangling keys, and he looks at Riseul, untangling the other key.

“Oppeen your hands,” he instructs her, and Riseul follows unaware of what he was going to give her. She feels the coldness from the metal, and furrows her eyebrow confused.

She thought that maybe Jihoon was asking her to open his apartment for him, but when she tries to unlock the door using the key, he stamps the floor. “No! ! ! The keyyy. Keep itt,”

She stands dumbfounded. “Why should I?”

“Soo.. So you could just go inside mine?” he grins and laughs softly, running his hand across his hair.

“My apartment is literally next to yours. Keep it. You need this more than me,”

“I already have one,” he waves his key in front of her as-a-matter-of-fact. “Theree’s no use to have two keyssss for one person, youu knowww.” He pokes her cheeks playfully. “Sooo. Keep it, and good night. Riseeul-ssi,” and he pecks her cheeks, unlocks his door and closes it.

Meanwhile, Riseul stood there – still registering everything that happened, appreciating the coldness coming from the key because everything was burning.

The next day, she stood in front of his apartment door. There are bags under her eyes from the lack of sleep. Park Jihoon was drunk, then. She thought to herself as she clutched the key hardly, its shape being imprinted into her palm. She needs to return the key, but when Park Jihoon emerged from the hallway carrying a few paper bags because he went to the market and smiled like he didn’t do anything that threw her off, all her courage of returning the key vanished.

Slowly, she slipped the key into the pocket of her coat.

“What are you standing there for? Let’s go in,” and he unlocks the apartment.

She remembered the fourth thing that makes Park Jihoon an annoying drunk.

Park Jihoon forgets all the shit he pulls.

And that’s a cut there ( I really should be learning how to write shorter fics because this is a whole lot draining that I first thought it would be but I’m happy writing this (☆_@)  ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡ ). I’ll be posting the final part tomorrow or on a Sunday  ^O^ .  Thank you for reading and I’ll be very happy to talk with you  ヾ(・ω・)メ(・ω・)ノ

update:So that you wouldn’t scroll back up.. Here’s the link for the Final part 

Unlocked Final

masterlist for other fanfics

[danfanciesphil]

Phan Teacher AU (Part 3)

(Part One)

(Part Two)

It’s Friday evening, finally, and Dan is in his kitchen making pasta, reflecting on the ups and downs of his first week in his new job. He stirs the penne in the saucepan, staring down into the bubbles.

The pasta does not, unsurprisingly, provide him with any insightful comments. 

Being a TA is not as bad as he thought it would be, he eventually concludes, considering everything that’s happened to him at the school so far. The children don’t tease him like he feared they would; mostly they barely even register his existence. The faculty, whilst occasionally irritating or dull, are just normal people for the most part. It’s obvious that none of them are living their dreams, but aside from making them a little snarky, that doesn’t seem to matter to them. 

None of this applies to Phil, of course. 

Dan stops stirring pasta, the tips of his fingers tingling as a wave of admiration sweeps through his body. Phil Lester is an unexpected, but very welcome, perk of this job. 

Dan had never even considered the idea that he might develop a crush when he accepted this position. Teaching has never appealed to him, so he has never found teachers attractive in the past. But, as he mentioned to Phil on his first day, Phil is not like any other teacher that Dan has ever met. 

He switches the hob off, and finds a colander in one of the cupboards. It’s not his, obviously. Dan would never be organised enough to buy a household item as obscure as a colander, but his housemates won’t mind. Probably. 

He drains his pasta, and scoops it into a bowl, then mixes it with some pesto. He adds some chopped cherry tomatoes and a sprinkle of cheese, then takes the bowl through to his bedroom. 

He’s glad he has the house to himself tonight. His roommates are out on a date together, being an excruciatingly cute couple, as always. 

He blames the exhaustion of first week in a full time job when he climbs onto his bed to eat, opening up his laptop. Facebook is open where he left it this morning, and out of nowhere, Dan gets an idea. 

He pauses mid-chew, wondering if it would be crossing a line. 

Then, before he can think his way out of it, he clicks the search bar and types ‘Phil Lester’. 

A hundred Phil’s pop up at once. Dan scrolls through them, peering at the tiny display pictures, searching for dazzling blue eyes and a mop of jet black hair. 

He’s about to give up, but then he sees it. As soon as he notices Phil’s photo, he wonders how he could have missed it amongst the sea of other Phil Lester imposters. 

He clicks the image, heart speeding up a little. Phil’s profile fills the screen, and Dan’s eyes widen, skimming over the scant information like he’s trying to soak it all up at once. 

Phil Lester  [Image]

Intro:

💼 History Teacher at Rawtenstall Secondary School 🎓 Studied History and Philosophy at University of York 🎓 Studied French History at Université Paris-Sorbonne  🏠 Lives in Rossendale, Lancashire, United Kingdom 🏠 Lived in Paris, France 🏠 Lived in York, UK 🏠 Lived in Manchester, UK 📍 From Rossendale  ❤️ Single

His eyes are drawn to the ‘relationship status’ part of his bio before he can stop them. Embarrassingly, he smiles into his pasta, as though it changed anything at all. 

His photo is the most distracting part of the whole page. Dan stares at it as he chews, taking advantage of the opportunity to study Phil’s immaculate face. There’s something different about the photo-Phil, Dan thinks, trying to work it out. Belatedly, he realises that he’s never seen Phil dressed in anything other than a shirt.

The Phil in this picture is wearing a t-shirt in vibrant blue, covered in rows of white stars. There’s a red hemline around the neck and short sleeves too. It looks a bit like he’s low-key cosplaying as Captain America on his off-day, but somehow it suits him. 

The picture-Phil is staring into the camera with that familiar intensity Dan recognises from the times he meets Phil’s gaze in real life. He’s smiling slightly, but it’s nothing compared to the way his beaming fills the classroom. 

He clicks the photo, unable to resist seeing Phil’s face larger on his screen. He really is rather unnervingly attractive, Dan thinks, staring unashamedly at the pixels doing their best to replicate the swirling galaxies of Phil’s blue eyes. 

He shovels more pasta into his mouth, sighing to himself. Just then, his phone buzzes. Reluctantly, Dan drags his eyes away from the screen, fishing it out of his pocket. 

18:54 Unknown Number Hey Dan! This is Phil (Mr Lester)

Dan chokes on a tomato. 

He reaches over to put his bowl of pasta on the bedside table, coughing, and turns back to his phone. Phil’s face continues staring out of his screen, those all-knowing, laser-eyes burrowing into his skull. Dan flushes, feeling caught out, and slams the lid of his laptop closed. 

His phone buzzes again. 

18:55 Unknown Number (the dorky guy who makes you  wear capes and help children to  build precarious structures out  of tables and chairs)

Despite feeling as flustered by this unexpected text as a yanderé schoolgirl encountering her senpai, Dan snorts at the joke. 

Fingers trembling a little, Dan adds Phil’s name to his contacts, and spends around three minutes typing and retyping a response.

18:58 Dan Howell did i forget giving you my number in a cringey attempt at gaining friends in my new job or something 😅

18:58 Phil Lester 🌠 hah! no i actually got it from the  school office 😳 

Dan frowns in confusion. 

18:59 Dan Howell Is that even allowed?

19:00 Phil Lester 🌠 Not sure. But I’m very charming, so it wasn’t an issue 😉

19:01 Phil Lester 🌠 I told them I wanted to ask you something important, related to class

Dan’s heart immediately sinks. That makes sense, he supposes, reaching for his pasta again. Phil’s just messaging him to discuss something work-related. Nothing to get excited about, after all. 

He types out a quick response, then places his phone aside, filling the disappointment-void opening inside of him with mouthfuls of pasta. 

19:02 Dan Howell Oh cool. Do you need me to do something for Monday’s class?

19:03 Phil Lester 🌠 I just need to ask you somethng in preparation

19:03 Dan Howell Ask away Mr Lester

19:04 Phil Lester 🌠 Do you think the Year Nine’s will laugh at me if I wear this in class (Attached: 1 image)

Dan stares at the message, uncomprehending. He scrolls down, laughing in surprise as he sees the photo Phil has included. 

It’s a picture of him, close up, with his chin raised, exposing his neck. Around his shirt collar is a bowtie, white with black polka dots. 

19:06 Dan Howell Without a shadow of a doubt, yes, they will laugh at you. Sorry bud. 

19:07 Phil Lester 🌠 Perfect! Thanks. 

Dan waits expectantly, glancing at his phone every few seconds as he finishes up his pasta. After he’s scraped the bowl clean, he picks the phone up again, wondering vaguely if he’s hallucinating this entire conversation. 

19:13 Dan Howell Is that it???

19:14 Phil Lester 🌠 Your TA duties are complete. Pls feel free to go forth and enjoy your weekend, Mr Howell

Dan blinks at the text, very confused. He’s about to shove the phone in his pocket, when another text comes through.

19:15 Phil Lester 🌠 And enjoy a cool photo of ur new favourite teacher, now saved to your camera roll free of charge

19:16 Dan Howell How do u know I won’t delete it

19:17 Phil Lester 🌠 Uh, you’d better not. I don’t hand these selfies out to just anyone Daniel

A little thrill shimmers through Dan’s veins at the sight of Phil using his full name. 

19:18 Dan Howell dw I’ve got it as my wallpaper already. I might even print it out, frame it for my wall

19:20 Phil Lester 🌠 Beats stalking through my Facebook albums I bet 😉

Dan’s heart actually stops for a moment, he’s sure. No, he thinks, feeling cold sweat pearling on his brow. There’s no way Phil could know something like that, surely.

He decides to try laughing it off, still terrified. 

19:21 Dan Howell Pfft as if m8

19:22 Phil Lester 🌠 tbf if you had stalked me I’d be super miffed you didn’t friend request me

Dan’s muscles melt of tension, the relief flooding out of his pores. Phil had just been stabbing in the dark with a weirdly accurate aim. 

19:23 Dan Howell aw u wanna be my fb friend? Cute.

Dan opens his laptop again, clicking determinedly off Phil’s profile, feeling his cheeks heat like he’s being watched. He’s just about to click off of Facebook altogether, when he gets a notification. 

Phil Lester has sent you a friend request!

Dan blinks at the message, gawping. 

His phone buzzes. 

19:26 Phil Lester 🌠 yes please

*

Dan spends the weekend wishing for it to end, which is an entirely new experience for him. 

His housemates invite him out for drinks on Saturday night at their local pub. Dan doesn’t bother attempting to refuse; Teddy and Tyler are not the sort of people who can be successfully argued with. 

They fail to mention, however, that they have invited a bunch of other people to join them for drinks, including Stephanie, Dan’s ex-girlfriend. As a result, the evening turns into Dan downing more pints than he is able to handle in order to deal with the glares from the girl he dumped a few months ago. 

At the end of the night, Tyler and Teddy have Dan’s arms over their shoulders, and are merrily singing The Phantom of the Opera as they drag him home. They take off Dan’s shoes and trousers for him and lay him in bed, laughing away at Dan being a lightweight, and then promptly climb in either side of him. 

Dan groans, feeling nauseous and irritable. He loves his housemates in many ways, but they are really annoying. 

“Unngh, get out,” he says, half into his pillow. Instead of obeying, Tyler and Teddy wrap Dan in their arms, squeezing him tightly. 

“Aw, Dan’s a grump because he had to face Scary Stephanie,” Tyler teases. 

“She was more terrifying than usual tonight,” Teddy muses. “Have you spoken to her since... y’know?”

Dan doesn’t reply; he’s too focused on trying to pretend he is currently alone in this bed. He has his eyes squeezed shut in an attempt to block out all evidence to the contrary. 

“Since he callously ripped out poor Stephy’s heart?” Tyler supplies, giggling. “I’d say he’s prrrobably been avoiding her since then, right Danny?” 

In the hopes it might get him some peace and quiet, Dan nods. 

“I still don’t get it,” Teddy says with a shrug that jostles the bed. “She’s pretty, and she isn’t a complete bore. Why chuck her?”

“Ted, you know why,” Tyler says, his voice mocking. “Dan’s a big fat gay now.”

Dan groans in frustration, elbowing Tyler in the side. “‘M not!” 

“Okay, that is bi-erasure, Ty.” Teddy admonishes, though there’s a smile in his voice. 

“Bi, gay, whatever.” Tyler says. “The point is, Dan’s ready to embrace his twink side at long last.”

Dan sighs, rolling his eyes despite them being shut. “Hate you both.”

“Um, no...” Tyler corrects, sounding affronted. “You love us to bits. Especially ‘cause we’re gonna take you to the hottest gay clubs in town and find you a big, beefy bear to help you transition to the dark side.” 

Tyler tickles Dan in the side, making him shriek. Teddy joins in then, laughing uproariously at Dan’s reaction. 

“No, stop, I’ll throw up on you both!” Dan cries, feebly attempting to fight back. 

“Say you love us, Dan!” Tyler cries over Dan’s agonised laughter. “Say it!”

“I’ll say it if you fuck off!” 

“Deal!” Teddy shouts. 

Despite this, in the morning, as predicted, Dan wakes up with his two terrible excuses for housemates still snoring in his bed. 

*

As soon as Dan’s alarm sounds on Monday morning, Dan hops out of bed, eager for the day to begin. 

He showers and brushes his teeth in lightning time, then spends twenty minutes sorting out his hair and changing his outfit. He tries not to think about why he’s so obsessed with his appearance today. 

After his fifth change of shirt, Dan checks the time and realises he’s about to miss his bus. Swearing loudly, he bolts out of the door, just about managing to grab his bag and coat on the way. Tyler snorts with laughter at him as he goes, blowing a kiss, and Dan just legs it to the bus stop. 

He makes it, just, but only because the bus is a minute late. Luck must be on his side today, he thinks as he struggles to get his breath back on the jolting bus, sweaty and already exhausted, his stomach rumbling. 

Forty minutes later, he’s wading through the swarms of schoolkids up the front steps, heart beginning to pound as he thinks about what lies ahead. 

He doesn’t need to check his timetable to know which class he has first today.

He gets to Classroom Nine ten minutes early, unable to dissuade himself from seizing the opportunity to spend a little bit extra time talking to Phil. 

This plan backfires a little when he opens the classroom door to find it empty and dark. 

He debates what to do, dithering on the spot, and then decides to just come back in a little while. He turns to leave, and bumps straight into Phil’s chest, spilling the mugs of coffee he’s holding in either hand. 

“Ow!” Phil shrieks, and Dan plunges feet-first into the hole opening beneath him in the earth. 

“Shit, shit, sorry!” Dan cries, taking the mugs from Phil’s hands as he flaps his hands in distress. 

“Ah!” Phil hisses, shaking his sleeves as they drip with hot coffee. “No, it’s cool don’t worry- crap, that was hot.” 

“I’ll get some napkins or something- ” Dan says, at a loss for what else to do. 

Phil chuckles, shaking his head. “It’s fine, Dan, I’ll live.” He straightens up, smiling at Dan in reassurance. “So, I brought you a coffee!” 

Dan stares at him in dismay. “I am so sorry.” 

Phil laughs. “I know. It’s fine. I just hope there’s some left in the mug.” 

Dan turns his attention to the cups in his hands. “Yeah, there is. Um, thank you.”

“No problem.” Phil says with a smile, then takes one of the mugs from him. 

He steps carefully around Dan and through the open door of the classroom, sipping as he goes. 

Dan takes a moment to internally scream at himself for being such a prat, and then follows him inside. Phil flicks on the lights, then goes to put his coffee down on his desk. 

“So, you’re keen.” Phil says to Dan, grinning as he rolls up his coffee-soaked sleeves. 

Dan notices for the first time that Phil is wearing that stupid black and white spotty bow tie he’d sent Dan a photo of on Friday. 

Distracted by the sight of it, Dan takes a moment to process what Phil said. His eyes widen. “Um, sorry?”

“You’re here early.” Phil points out, one eyebrow raised. “Not often that you see TA’s getting to class before the first bell.”

“Oh!” Dan says, relieved. “Yeah, well... I just thought...” He scrambles for a reason that might not sound weird, coming up blank.

Phil chuckles. “It’s okay! I’m glad. Setting up for first period alone is always boring.”

“I’ll do my best to entertain you.” 

Phil giggles, then goes to one of the cupboards at the back of the room. He pulls out some unreasonably large rolls of craft paper, along with several bundles of bamboo sticks. 

Dan sets his mug down immediately, going to help him haul everything out. 

“Oh, thanks,” Phil says, surprised, as Dan takes some of the things from him. “Just put them on one of the tables.”

“What are we doing with these, then?” 

Phil laughs, glancing at him. “Wait and see.”

Dan rolls his eyes, smirking. “Such an enigma.”

“It’s all part of the experience.” Phil says. “I’ve got to be mysterious and keep the kids questioning everything. Their curiosity makes them more receptive, I find.”

Dan nods thoughtfully, considering this philosophy. “But I’m not a student.”

“True.” Phil allows. He places the rolls of craft paper down on a table, turning towards him. “Maybe I'm just trying to impress you.” 

Dan laughs awkwardly, not knowing what to say. He fiddles with the sticks of bamboo, swallowing. 

“How was your weekend?” He asks, deciding a subject change is probably for the best. 

“Good!” Phil says brightly. “It was my brother’s birthday. I baked him a hummingbird cake.” 

“A hummingbird cake?” 

Phil chuckles. “Yeah! It’s pineapple and banana flavour with cream cheese frosting. Also I made it into the shape of a hummingbird, because why not?”

“Right.” Dan says, at a loss for what to say. “Why not?” 

“Wanna see?” 

Dan smiles, nodding, and Phil walks over to him, digging his phone out of his pocket. Dan stares at the device in Phil’s hands as he scrolls through his photos. 

This is the object he’d used to message Dan on Friday. Dan’s number is now saved into it. He is, in some small way, more intimately connected to Phil through this rectangular slice of technology. 

“Sorry, I took lots of photos of my brother.” Phil says, laughing, swiping through several pictures of a grumpy looking man in a glittery party hat. “He hates having his picture taken. Oh, here it is.” 

Phil moves closer, his shoulder pressing into Dan’s. He’s deliciously warm compared to the chilly, early morning air in this room, and he smells strongly of the coffee Dan covered him in a few minutes ago. 

He tilts the phone for Dan to see. The cake is astonishing to behold. It’s been moulded into a 3D hummingbird, complete with a chocolate pocky stick for a beak, and covered entirely in a pastel rainbow of frosting. 

“Okay, wow,” Dan says, not bothering to hide how impressed he is. “I was expecting a half-hearted attempt to shape a flat cake into the Twitter symbol... but that’s incredible.”

Phil giggles, looking bashful. “Thanks! It was tasty too, which is a bonus.”

“What do I have to do to get you to bake for me?” 

Phil turns his head to face Dan, still just a little too close. “Hm, I can think of some things.”

Dan can feel it as Phil leans a little more into him, his shoulder pressing slightly harder. He holds his breath, feeling like a rabbit caught in the path of a devious fox. 

And then the bell rings, of course. 

Phil leans away again, still smiling, just as the first students begin to bowl through the door. Jonah happens to be one of them, and he lets out a low whistle as he walks through strolls into the room.

“Oi, sir, you givin’ Mr Howell your number?” 

Phil laughs, pocketing the phone in his hand and moving swiftly away. “Nice to see you too, Jonah. How was your weekend?”

Dan tries to hide his furious blush by going to retrieve his coffee from the desk where he left it. 

The rest of the students file in, and Phil welcomes them all in his usual chipper way. For the first fifteen minutes, Phil does a brief recap of the last lesson about the Algerian War, then introduces the topic they’ll be looking at today, following on from it. 

Today they’re going to start studying the failed revolution of May 1968 in France. 

To emulate the frustration of the liberals taking part in the revolution, they’re going to make pickets and signs with anti-capitalist slogans out of craft paper and bamboo. 

Phil gives them an entertaining rundown of all the issues the left-wing majority of French society had in 1968, and then he tells everyone to get into this mindset, and begin crafting. 

It’s a bit of a madhouse from that point on. The students, despite being in Year Nine, seem to love being let loose with the art supplies. They’re excessive with their use of paint and glitter, creating huge, garish signs with aggressive messages. 

A few of Dan’s favourites read: 

‘We stand, we march, we dab’

‘Marx’s favourite bitchez’

‘Communism ftw’

‘Destroy France’s capitalist infrastructure u cowards’

Phil is loving the enthusiasm so much that he even lets a few curse words slide, though he does insist that Jonah change his sign to ‘We are unTRUCKable’, for the sake of his reputation as a teacher. 

Once the signs are more or less completed, Phil claps his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Right! Ready to get out there and protest?” 

The class look confused, a hush falling over them as they look at one another blankly. 

“Protest what, sir?” Jonah asks.

Phil tuts. “Haven’t you been paying attention? If we don’t protest, then nothing will change! Workers and students will forever be bottom of the ladder! We have to push the change! We must make Marx proud!” 

Dan stares at Phil like he’s gone insane, as do most of the students. 

“But...” A shy, timid girl Dan thinks is called Anita, pipes up. “This is all in the past, right? They already protested this in France in 1968.” 

Phil beams at her, winking. “True. But tell me, gang, has the fall of capitalism come to pass?”

The students shake their heads, looking unsure. 

“Exactly, Anita!” Phil cries. “So, did the effort these French liberals put in have any effect?”

“No,” Anita answers, her eyes round as she gazes at Phil. “They failed.”

“So we should continue what they started.” Phil says, picking up a nearby bamboo stick and raising it high. “Who’s with me? For the revolutionaries of ‘68!”

The class cheer suddenly, finally catching the glint in Phil’s eye. They grab their pickets, and follow Phil as he strides to the door of the classroom. Not knowing how else to respond, Dan hurries after them, a little panicked as the crowd of fourteen-year-olds pour out into the hall. 

If only his deadly strict advisor from teacher-training could see him now. The Health and Safety of most of Phil’s activities would absolutely not pass regulations. 

“What do we want?” Phil cries, oblivious to his own rule-breaking as he marches the gaggle of teenagers down the corridor. 

“Revolution!” Jonah shouts, laughing. 

“When do we want it?” 

“Uh, 1968?” Someone calls out, and Phil chuckles.

“Ideally, yeah, but forty-nine years later works too.” 

Marvelling at the boldness of this man, as usual, Dan jogs to the front of the pack of students, marching along beside Phil. 

The rest of the class begin a chant of their own, their signs waving above them in the air as they walk determinedly through the school. 

Several classroom doors open, and students and teachers alike poke their heads out into the corridor, laughing and pointing as they pass by. 

“You’re nuts,” Dan says to Phil, feeling breathless with the adrenaline of this mad activity. “Won’t the other teachers hate you for this? You’re probably disrupting a few classes.”

Phil laughs, shrugging. “Maybe.”

He grins at Dan as he veers unexpectedly to a nearby door leading to the playground. He holds it open for the students as they march through; several of them high five he and Dan as they go. 

Dan smirks at Phil. “I think you might be some other people’s favourite teacher too.” 

*

Dan tries not to be too gloomy as he helps gather up all the students’ pickets at the end of class. There are now just under three and a half days separating him from his next chance to assist Phil in the classroom. 

Sure, he might be able to snag some of Phil’s attention during lunch and break times between now and Thursday, but it’s not the same as having a full hour with him. 

“Guys, before you leave!” Phil shouts as the students pack away their things. “I thought that, as we’re studying the ‘68 revolution, it’d be cool for you to see a French film from around that time! Cinema is really important in French history, as a lot of the prominent left-wing figures were filmmakers, and they produced some really cool stuff about this period.” 

Dan looks up in interest, wondering where Phil is going with this. 

“So basically, as there isn’t enough time to show a whole film during class, I thought it’d be fun to have a little film night this week!” Phil tells everyone, beaming. The class squeal in excitement. “I thought Wednesday evening would work. I’ll bring a film in, and if you’re free that evening, stay behind after school and we can all watch it together!” 

The class all begin chattering at once, the excitement evident in their voices, even if it’s difficult to distinguish exactly what they’re saying. 

“Sounds like you’re all keen!” Phil laughs. “So if you can make it, I’ll start the film at about four on Wednesday.” 

“Have you invited Mr Howell, sir?” Jonah calls out, turning to wink at Dan. 

Dan glares at him, trying to suppress his own urge to blush. 

Phil chuckles, turning to Dan. “Is Mr Howell interested in coming along?”

Dan reaches up to rub the back of his neck, feeling awkward. At least twenty-six pairs of eyes glue themselves to him, eagerly awaiting his response. 

“Um... sure.” Dan says at last, shrugging like it isn’t the most exciting thing he’s been invited to in months. “I’ll try and make it.” 

The class laugh, and Jonah chucks a ball of leftover craft paper at him. “Oh, got something better to do, sir?” 

Dan chuckles, rolling his eyes. “Fine, fine. I’ll be there.”

“Awesome.” Phil says; Dan catches his eye, and has to keep himself from grinning. 

*

“Hey, we’re going to the pub tomorrow.” Tyler tells Dan on Tuesday, falling face first onto Dan’s bed. 

“I’m never going to the pub with you and Teddy again after last time.” Dan tells him, kicking Tyler with his foot in a vague attempt to push him off the bed. 

He’s been scrolling through Tumblr for an hour or so now, but just because he’s been holed up in his room since he got in from work, does not mean that Tyler gets to just wander in and annoy him. 

“Aw, come on, that’s mean.” Tyler says, pouting at Dan. “Stephanie won’t even be there this time, I swear.” 

Dan swallows, shaking his head as he turns back to his screen. “Nope, sorry.”

“Dan, you know we’re not gonna let you mope about the house while we go out.” Tyler says, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“Well, you don’t need to worry.” Dan says, feeling awkward. “I won’t be here.”

Tyler is quiet for a moment, then perks up, catlike, catching the scent of some gossip. “Oh?”

Dan just presses his lips together, saying nothing. He reblogs a photo of a cute panda, trying to stay calm. 

“Teddy!” Tyler yells, making Dan jump. “Dan’s keeping secrets!”

Dan looks up at him with scorn. “Tyler, don’t be-”

Teddy bursts into the room, wearing an apron with a naked man’s torso on the front, a spatula in one hand. 

“Secrets?” Teddy asks, wide eyes darting between Tyler and Dan. “What secrets?”

“Dan has secret plans tomorrow night.” Tyler informs him, grinning. 

“Plans?” Teddy repeats, acting shocked. “But Ty, Dan doesn’t have any friends apart from us!”

“Wrong.” Dan says gruffly. “You two are not my friends, I hate you both.”

“Is it a date?” Tyler asks, sucking in a gasp. 

Teddy leaps onto the bed beside Tyler, squealing. “Oh my God, is it a date, Dan?!” 

Dan rolls his eyes. “For Christ’s sake, no. It’s not a date.” 

He could never, in a million years, be that lucky. 

Just then, his phone pings. Ignoring the probing eyes of his two housemates, Dan plucks the thing out of his pocket to look. 

18:34 Phil Lester 🌠 excited for some french cinema tomorrow night? je suis trés  joyeux que tu viennes! :)

Dan’s heart flutters, registering who the text is from, and then his phone is being plucked out of his hand. 

“No!” Dan cries, lunging for Tyler. “Wait, don’t-”

“Okay, who is Phil?” Tyler asks, holding the phone out of Dan’s reach; Teddy grabs hold of Dan by the waist, restraining him. 

“Ooh, Phil!” Teddy repeats, giggling. “I knew you were looking for a man.”

“I honestly loathe you both.” Dan grits out, struggling uselessly against Teddy’s grip. 

“French cinema?” Tyler asks, tilting his head to one side. “Is that code for something?” 

“Give me back the phone, Tyler.” Dan says, going limp in Teddy’s arms, defeated. 

“We’re just taking an interest in your personal life, Dan,” Teddy says soothingly, patting Dan on the head. 

“Phil’s just... he’s a guy I work with.” Dan says, feeling the redness spread over his cheeks and neck, betraying him. 

“Hmm,” Tyler says, throwing Dan’s phone aside at last. “A guy who is ‘very happy you’re coming’ tomorrow.” Dan blushes harder, not having worked out what the French bit had meant just yet. “Is ‘Phil’... how do you say, un beefcake?”

“Is he a teacher?” Teddy asks excitedly, releasing Dan in order to cover his own mouth with both hands. 

“He’s a teacher, yes.” Dan confirms, snatching up his phone and pocketing it. 

“God, that’s hot.” Tyler sighs, looking wistful. “And he speaks French. Think of the roleplay opportunities.”

“Aw, we can try some schoolteacher roleplay, babe,” Teddy assures Tyler, patting him on the shoulder. 

“Fine, but I get to wear the cute schoolgirl outfit.” 

Teddy rolls his eyes. “Fine.”

“I’m pretty sure I can smell burning,” Dan says, sniffing the air in distaste. 

“Shit!” Teddy exclaims, grabbing his spatula and jumping off the bed. 

As he bolts out of the door, the fire alarm begins to shriek, making Tyler scream with laughter. 

“Everything’s fine!” Teddy calls from the kitchen. 

Despite the irritation sitting under his skin, eventually Dan finds himself joining in the laughter too. 

*

Dan is half an hour early to the film screening. 

He would have come straight from his last class, which ended at 3pm, but he decided to make a quick trip to the grocery store round the corner from school. 

He returns with two enormous bags, shuffling through Phil’s classroom door with some difficulty. Phil looks at the bags in surprise, coming over to help Dan haul them in. 

“What’s this?” Phil asks, clearly intrigued. As he takes one of the bags from Dan’s hand, he looks him in the eye. “Hi, by the way. Haven’t seen you all day!” 

Dan chuckles, setting his own carrier bag on Phil’s desk. “Hi. I brought popcorn!” 

“Oh, God,” Phil moans unexpectedly. “As if you could get any more amazing.”

Dan chuckles awkwardly, a warm glow spreading through his gut. “Uh, you like popcorn?”

“It’s literally my favourite food of all time,” Phil tells him seriously. “How did you know?” 

“Damn, I need to be more subtle with my stalking.” Dan says, making Phil laugh so much that he drops one of the bags. “Anyway, it’s not all for you.” 

“In that case, the kids better hurry up before I inhale it all.”

Dan laughs, watching fondly as Phil flits around the classroom, closing blinds and straightening chairs. The projector is on, currently throwing an image of Phil’s desktop background onto the smartboard. Behind his jumble of icons, there’s a picture of what seems to be a large, photoshopped capybara taking up an entire paddling pool. 

Dan decides not to question it. 

“So what film have you picked for us all?”

Phil beams at him. “It’s called Les Quatre-Cents Coups. Have you heard of it?”

Dan shakes his head, the corner of his mouth twitching in an almost smile. It’s obvious to see how passionate Phil is about this subject; he talks animatedly, looking eager and focused.

It’s adorable.

“Wow!” Phil exclaims. “I’m kind of jealous. I wish I could go back to a time before I’d seen it.”

“What’s it about?” Dan asks, mostly in an effort to keep Phil talking.

“Oh... well, it’s about a little boy mainly. An underprivileged boy living in Paris. But it’s about much more than that really. It’s about the oppressive structures of French economy in the fifties, classism, the bourgeoise... and it’s about growing up, y’know? How even if we all experience it differently, there’s a certain relatability about puberty too.” Phil pauses, reddening a little. He chuckles. “I mean, that’s what I take from it, anyway. I studied the history of French Cinema for a while, so I’m a bit of a geek about it. But you can form your own opinions, obviously.”

“Me?” Dan says, laughing. “I dunno. I don’t know the first thing about film. Apart from that I like going to the cinema.”

“Well that’s a good place to start.” Phil tells him happily. “There’s all sorts of theories about spectatorhood, and why audiences enjoy the activity of going to the cinema, watching films as a collective experience...”

Phil trails off again, shaking his head.

“Okay, you have to stop me if I start rambling, Dan. I get carried away.”

“I think it’s cute.” Dan says before he thinks about it.

Phil’s eyebrow lifts in surprise, but he seems to take the comment in his stride. Dan, on the other hand, blushes furiously, cursing himself for being so transparent.

“I think you’re just too nice to tell me to shut up,” Phil jokes, but he lets his eyes linger on Dan’s, warm and fond.

Luckily, before Dan can shove his foot any further into his mouth, a couple of girls from the class wander in, looking trepidatious.

“Hi, uh... can we come in yet, sir?”

“Of course, Joanna!” Phil says, jumping down from his position on the desk. “Hi Bethany! Would you guys mind helping me and Mr Howell to set up?”

They jump to the tasks Phil gives them happily, chattering to him about the petty dramas of their day, complaining about their homework and the fallouts they’re having with friends.

Dan watches with amusement, marvelling - as always - at the ease with which Phil converses with his students, giving each one his undivided attention while they’re speaking, never replying in a condescending tone.

He’s such a rare gem of a teacher, Dan thinks. Phil sends Joanna to the staffroom to collect bowls, and they put one on each table, filled with popcorn.

Soon enough, the other kids begin to arrive, all wearing the thrilled grins Dan remembers from when he used to stay behind after school. There’s something about being in the building outside of the mandatory hours that just seems a bit naughty. It doesn’t matter that they’re here for what is essentially an extended history lesson - the students are excited to be involved in this extra-curricular activity.

Dan hasn’t asked them, but he’d bet a lot of that excitement comes from having Phil here, providing his ever-shining rays of brilliant, sunny exuberance.

The kids take their seats, restless at first, but settling in once Phil dims the lights and presses play. Dan finds a seat on one of the empty tables at the back, and is all prepared to expand his cultural knowledge with some French Cinema. Then, once he’s sure the film is running, Phil walks to the back of the class and slides into the seat right beside him.

Immediately, Dan releases any hope he was holding onto of immersing himself in the film.

“Ready?” Phil asks in a low, quiet voice that pierces straight through Dan’s gut. 

He’s leaning in close, eyes sparkling as the light of the opening credits reflect in them.

All Dan can do is nod silently, and try not to let the squeak out of his throat.

Phil’s one of those people who doesn’t shut up during a film. Dan hates those sorts of people usually, but he can’t seem to find Phil’s inability to keep his comments to himself anything but ridiculously cute.

His musings vary from the way in which the cinematography emphasises certain aspects of the narrative, to the strange dress sense Parisians had in the days of the 'nouvelle vague’, as he calls it.

He talks so much that he is shushed by the students more than once, but he just giggles and apologises in a stage whisper, to which the students roll their eyes.

“See that?” Phil says at one point, basically pressing himself against Dan’s side in order to point at the screen. “The photo of the man Antoine is putting on his shrine? That’s Balzac. He’s one of the founders of realism in literature.”

Dan smiles. “How meta.”

The responding look Phil gives to Dan is something so warm and proud that Dan wants to melt it down and spread it on a thick slab of toast.

“Exactly.”

Their hands meet in the popcorn. It’s like something out a cringey teen TV show. Phil just laughs and winks at him, but Dan about faints from how fast the blood rushes to his cheeks.

Phil seems to have no issues about personal space, and allows their legs to rest comfortably against each other beneath the table. He’ll grab Dan’s shoulder during his favourite scenes, eyes shining, breath held as he watches the screen.

Honestly, by the time the final shot (apparently an incredibly famous moment in film history) appears, Dan is not totally sure whether he’d be able to say what the film had been about. He’d spent quite a lot of it staring at Phil, and the rest of it thinking about how it felt - elating, blissful, drug-like - to sit beside him in the darkness, in a room where everyone else was steadfastly facing the other way.

Phil turns to him as the image fades to black, a knowing glint in his eye.

“Did you like it?”

Dan stammers out something that isn’t really words, and nods emphatically to make up for it. Phil grins at him, tongue slightly visible through his rows of teeth, and then he stands up, much to Dan’s dismay.

“So that was Les Quatre-Cents Coups!” Phil says to the class, climbing up to sit on the desk at which he and Dan had been sat. Dan cranes his neck upwards, leaning back in his chair to watch as Phil crosses his legs underneath him on the table. “Could someone get the lights, please? Thanks Bethany.”

The lights flash on, garish and bright, and the class groan, rubbing their eyes.

“What did we all think of it, then?” Phil asks, beaming.

“Awesome!” Someone shouts.

“I thought I hated black and white films, but that was cool.” 

“I loved it! Paris is so beautiful.” 

“That kid was well sick at acting, sir.” 

Phil nods encouragingly as students call out their opinions. 

Jonah snorts loudly. “I couldn’t concentrate on half of it. Kept gettin’ distracted by Mr Lester and Mr Howell flirting in the back!”

Phil laughs, shooting Jonah a disapproving look. His smile stays in place though. 

“I’m sure Mr Howell has far better options, Jonah.” Phil teases, and Dan just tries to pretend he’s somewhere else. 

He might kill Jonah at some point, he considers. 

Then, someone sticks up their hand. Phil points at the kid, smiling. 

“Yes, Matt?”

“What’s the title mean in English, sir?”

“Well, the English version of the film is called The Four-Hundred Blows.” Phil answers. “Which is actually an inaccurate translation, as it doesn’t mean anything. The original title comes from a phrase that people use a lot in France - ‘faire les quatre cents coups’ - which kind of means ‘to raise hell’. It suits Antoine, don’t you think?”

“Suits me, sir!” Jonah calls out, making everyone chuckle. “I’mma start sayin’ that. What was it again? Fair lezzer cooper?”

Phil laughs, hands holding his ankles as he leans backwards. It’s such a sweet action, so innocent and playful, that Dan can’t help smiling.

“Faire les quatre cents coups,” Phil corrects gently, enunciating each word. “I think it suits you as well, Jonah.”

Joanna is sat at the table in front of theirs, her chin in one hand as she gazes up at Phil, marvelling.

“Do you speak French, sir?” Joanna asks, obviously smitten. Dan can relate.

Phil beams at her. “Yeah, I do! I spent a year studying in Paris.”

Dan’s eyebrows lift in surprise. He’d suspected that Phil knew a few phrases, but the fact he speaks fluent French is a surprise. Why is that such an attractive quality?

He imagines Phil speaking to him in that low, quiet voice he reserves for when he wants to tell Dan something the class or another teacher shouldn’t overhear, but in French. A warm trickle runs teasingly up his thighs, like light, tracing fingers. A full body tremor comes over him. 

Phil throws a glance towards him, presumably having seen that peculiar reaction. Dan doesn’t miss the way his mouth twitches in a smile.

“That’s so dreamy,” Joanna sighs, retrieving Phil’s attention. She sits bolt upright, blushing. “I mean! It’s a dreamy language.” The rest of the class chuckle, and she reddens further. “I wish I could speak it is all!”

“Well, you’re in luck!” Phil announces suddenly. “Because as you may or may not be aware, our Year Nine History trip is coming up in two weeks time!”

The class immediately descend into loud, excited chatter; students grab at each other, squealing.

“Hey, come on, guys! Calm down, we’re here after hours, remember?” Phil calls out, but he’s grinning, evidently pleased by their enthusiasm. The class simmer down gradually, their buzz of excitement still palpable in the air. “So, yeah! We’re off to Paris for a weekend! If you can make it, it’s only fifteen pounds per student, and if you can’t stretch that, come and have a word with me, I’m sure we can work something out.”

Dan’s eyes soften as he listens to this last part. This man really is one of a kind.

Again, the class begin talking animatedly about the trip, discussing outfit choices, places they want to visit, room sharing, and other trivialities.

“Are we going up the Eiffel Tower, sir?” Someone asks.

“I’m scared of heights!”

“Where are we staying?”

“Are we sharing rooms?”

“Are we going by coach, or ferry?”

“Ooh, maybe we’re flying!”

“Can I bring my dog?”

“Hey!” Phil interrupts, hands held up in surrender. He’s laughing at them all. “All questions will be answered in class on Monday. I’ll also be sending out permission slips tonight via email, so get your folks or guardians to print them off and sign them, then bring them to me when they’re ready.”

“Sir, I just have one more question!” Jonah cries out, sticking up his hand and waving it. “Just one, sir, please?”

Phil sighs, clearly debating it. Eventually though, he rolls his eyes and nods, smiling. “Go on then. Just one.”

Jonah grins, eyes flicking to meet Dan’s. “Is Mr Howell coming with us?”

Phil lets out a low chuckle, his vivid blue eyes sliding to Dan’s, questioning. 

“I don’t know,” Phil says in a voice that surely isn’t appropriate for the situation at hand. Dan swallows, feeling singled out by the gaze. “Is he?”

(Part Four!)

[orbemnews]

Here’s How Bored Rich People Are Spending Their Extra Cash Rich people who shopped too much used to be called collectors. Now they — and those belonging merely to the aspirational class — are all investors. It’s not just that they’ve spent the last year splurging on stakes in untested, newly formed public companies that have yet to produce products, much less profits. It’s that during the pandemic, seemingly every luxury acquisition has become a so-called alternative asset class. Rather than elbowing past each other for reservations at the latest restaurants from Marcus Samuelsson and Jean-Georges Vongerichten, or getting into bidding wars for apartments at 740 Park Avenue, they are one-upping each other in online auctions for jewelry, watches, furniture, sports cards, vintage cars, limited-edition Nikes and crypto art. Bread lines grew longer, Birkin bags got hotter. A number of retailers were reticent to speak about the trend, stating that they did not wish to be on the record talking about nearly sold out $90,000 earrings during a time of growing wealth inequality. John Demsey, the executive group president of the Estée Lauder Companies, voiced that concern even as he admitted a primary quarantine pastime. “All I do is go through watch porn,” he said. “I’m selling watches, I’m buying watches. It’s crazy. I have no reason right now to buy a watch. I’m at home all day at a computer. Time is staring me right in the face. What reason do I have to look at my wrist? But I want a tangible sign of something, so I’m looking at watches.” And many other people are too. Rolex Day-Dates that sold on the secondary market in 2020 for $30,000 are now going for upward of $50,000 on some resale sites. The Nautilus 5980, a rose gold chronograph sports watch from Patek Philippe that has a retail price of $85,000, can seldom be found on 47th Street for much less than $200,000. One reason for surging prices, according to Benjamin Clymer, the editor of the watch site Hodinkee, is that “Switzerland shut down, so demand was there while the supply was dramatically reduced.” But also, he said, “the wealthy that used to spend money on travel aren’t using it, so everything collectible is skyrocketing in value.” Coffee Tables and Porsches That includes cars, a hobby that began for Mr. Clymer in 2011 and took off in 2015, when a multimillion-dollar strategic investment in Hodinkee helped transform him from blogger to mogul. In the summer of 2020, Mr. Clymer went searching for a 1973 Porsche 911 Carrera RS. One had sold shortly before the pandemic through the auction site Bring a Trailer (or BaT, as it’s known) for $560,000 but Mr. Clymer figured it might be a buyer’s market. Perhaps he could get it for less. He found a beauty from a dealership that hadn’t listed the price on its website. It was in mint condition. Mr. Clymer asked for a quote and nearly fainted upon hearing the answer: $1.2 million. “I said, ‘You’re crazy.’ Less than a month later it was sold.” By Thanksgiving, auction houses were sending out news releases almost daily touting their record-breaking sales. A pair of Conoid lounge chairs from the famed woodworker George Nakashima, which in 2019 commanded around $10,000, sold in October 2020 for $23,750 through the Chicago auction house Wright. A Mesa coffee table by T.H. Robsjohn Gibbings, a British architect whose name is barely known outside of the furniture world, brought in $237,500 in December; the overall result of the sale was $2.5 million, roughly double what the house did at the same sale a year before. In February, a digital artwork of Donald Trump facedown in the grass, covered in words like “loser,” sold for $6.6 million, a record for a nonfungible token, or NFT, so called because there’s no physical piece for the buyer to take possession of. Fittingly, the image was paid for in Ethereum, a form of cryptocurrency that, among millennials, is almost as well known as bitcoin. Two weeks later, Christie’s sold another NFT by Beeple, this time for $69 million. The prices for the best vintage sports cards reached Warhol levels. In January, a 1952 Mickey Mantle was sold through PWCC Marketplace for $5.2 million. In March, Goldin Auctions, a sports collectible site, held its annual winter auction. “We grossed $45 million,” said Ken Goldin, the founder and C.E.O. “Last year, it was $4.7 million.” One of Mr. Goldin’s repeat customers is Clement Kwan, the former president of Yoox Net-a-Porter and a founder of Beboe, an upscale line of cannabis vaporizers and edible pastilles that The New York Times has called “the Hermès of Marijuana.” “Since the pandemic started, my financial portfolio has gone up 50 percent,” Mr. Kwan said from Miami last week. “My collectibles went up by 200.” Mr. Kwan’s windfall came after learning in 2019 that a documentary about Michael Jordan was going to be released the following summer on Netflix. That led him to buy up sets of Mr. Jordan’s rookie cards at around $30,000 each. He also took a stake in Bleecker Trading, a bespoke sports memorabilia store in the West Village. In May of 2020, Mr. Kwan sold a Jordan rookie card for nearly $100,000. By January, a particularly in-demand Jordan rookie card sold through Goldin for $738,000. The renewed interest in Mr. Jordan extends to sneakers. Last May, Ariana Peters — who, along with her sisters Dakota and Dresden Peters, owns what some believe is the most valuable sneaker collection in the world — had her biggest sale in five years of being in business: a pair of autographed 1985 Air Jordans that fetched $275,000. In 2019, the sisters sold 572 pairs of sneakers, at prices that began at $500, Ariana Peters said in an interview. In 2020, they sold 879. Ms. Peters actually sounded somewhat surprised talking about all this, perhaps because she and her sisters only got into the business because their father, a retired real estate developer named Douglas Roy Peters, bought so many pairs of sneakers they were running out of places to put them. Ms. Peters, who lives in South Florida, now houses the collection in a storage facility that’s been customized to look like the Miami Heat’s basketball court. Leveraging Nostalgia, From Nintendo to Pokémon Those unprepared to shell out high sums for vintage collectibles are getting in on the action through recently established mutual funds. Rally, an Android and iPhone app that sells fractional shares in everything from Rolex GMTs to dinosaur remains, had 100,000 users at the start of the pandemic and oversaw $12 million in inventory. Rob Petrozzo, its chief product officer and co-founder, said in an interview that the company now oversees $30 million of merchandise and has over 200,000 users. According to the company, the average age of a Rally user is 28, and most are male. The way the app works, investors buy, sell or trade their shares as if they were stocks. New product launches are actually called I.P.O.s. “The equities space and the cryptocurrency space over the last couple years created really savvy investors who understand the dynamics of the market, so it’s a complement to their Coinbase accounts and their Robinhood accounts,” Mr. Petrozzo said. One of Mr. Petrozzo’s “investors” is Nicholas Abouzeid, the 24-year-old head of marketing at MainStreet, a 50-person firm that helps start-ups find and claim tax credits and incentives from the government. On a recent afternoon, Mr. Abouzeid was talking over Zoom from the bedroom of his home in Woodbury, Conn. In his long-sleeved white T-shirt and wood framed glasses, he looked like any number of young white men who might work for Mark Zuckerberg or Josh Kushner. Behind him were shelves of memorabilia — super plastic toys, sealed Nintendo games from the ’90s and collectible Nike Sacai Waffle sneakers. In the actual stock market, Mr. Abouzeid made last year what he described as “more than what somebody should make in a year,” buying and selling positions in high-growth technology companies such as Slack, Stitch Fix, Shopify and Fastly. “I’m in and out all the time,” he said. He extracted much of his profits and put them into Pokémon collectibles. On one level, it’s born of his nostalgia for the game, which he began playing in sixth grade. On another, it’s “an alternative asset class and a way to diversify,” as he put it. His holy grail item is a first-edition “Booster Box” of Pokémon cards. Upon its 1999 release, the set cost $110. In January, Heritage Auctions in Dallas sold one for $408,000. Mr. Abouzeid doesn’t have that kind of money, but in a June 2020 “I.P.O.” from Valley Road, he purchased 125 “shares” of one at a price of $25 each. They’re now worth $120 each, giving him a profit of around $13,500 (which is at least 300 percent more than he earned from his Slack holdings). Jackson Moses, a colleague of Mr. Abouzeid’s at MainStreet, invests in biotech stocks and vintage whiskey. But Johnson & Johnson and Jack Daniel’s don’t interest him. His Merrill Lynch account contains shares of companies like Sarepta Therapeutics, a maker of precision genetic medicines that treat rare neuromuscular and central nervous system diseases. His fridge is filled with rare, vintage Kacho Fugetsu. “When my parents saw them in my apartment, they got really worried,” he said. “They said, ‘Is there something we need to talk about?’ But I don’t even open them.” Earlier this month, when rising interest rates sent high-flying tech stocks into a tailspin, Kacho Fugetsu provided what Mr. Moses called “the perfect hedge.” Of course, he’s aware that the ascent of his whiskey collection also could come to an end, but that at least has an upside. “Then I’ll finally have an excuse to drink it,” he said. Source link Orbem News #Bored #cash #Extra #Heres #People #rich #Spending

[backstorywithdanalewis]

Covid19 Cover-up? Back Story with Dana Lewis podcast link: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1016881/6565870

Ex Pres. trump: (00:00) The virus that we're talking about having to do, you know, a lot of people think that goes away in April with the heat as the heat comes in. Typically that will go away in April. I've spoken to a president Xi, they're getting it more and more under control. So, uh, I think that's a problem. That's going to go away when you have 15 people. And the 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero. Uh, that's a pretty good job. We've done. It's going to disappear one day. It's like a miracle. It will disappear. And from our shores, we've, you know, it could get worse before it gets better. Could maybe go away. We'll see what happens. You have to become, it'll go away. It will go away. You stay calm and we'll go away. We need a little separation until such time. As this goes away, it's going to go away. It's going to go away. It will go away. You know, w you know, it is going away. Speaker 2: (00:49) The number of new infections has risen to nearly 70,000 per day. The highest rate since late July, we're in a really dangerous point. And unfortunately, we're here, partly because of our own making nationwide millions of Americans are suffering from pandemic fatigue, tired of masks, social distancing, homeschooling, and working from home tonight and all out battle against a surgeon, virus, teams of air force nurses deployed to overwhelmed hospitals in North Dakota, in El Paso, the national guard, helping out in morgues, running out of space. The chances are that you will see a surge super imposed upon a surge. Dana Lewis: (01:33) We've heard the projections, the projections are that if nothing fundamentally changes between now and, uh, beginning of February, we're up, we're likely to lose up to 400 total of 400,000 lives, another 150,000 lives. And, uh, so it's real. Dana Lewis - Host Back Story : (01:55) Hi everyone. And welcome to backstory reporting from London. I'm Dana Lewis. As I speak to you at the end of November, 2020, according to John Hopkins, university of medicine, worldwide, 60 million, 465,000 people have caught coronavirus more than 1 million, 422,000 people have died. Economies around the world have been shut down. Hospitals overwhelmed. So many families have lost loved ones. Now you would think by now we know exactly where this start, how did it begin? Was it a bath in a market in Wuhan China? You may be surprised to know that as unlikely. Now, the market part, was it a laboratory maybe? Was it because scientists were experimenting with the virus, something called gain of function? Many people think so. Did the Chinese know about this before December 31st, 2019 when the world health reported Dana Lewis - Host Back Story : (03:00) It? No doubt was the first death reported by China really on January 11th. No, you were about to hear an incredibly enlightening interview with two experts. One of them who knows about militarized biological programs past and future threats and lessons. We better learn from this and another, a virus Hunter of sorts, an expert on pandemic outbreaks. The interviews left me with more questions than answers, and I'm sure that will be the same for you, but sometimes that's where you need to go to begin to understand and cut through some of the misinformation. What are the origins of COVID-19 on this backstory? All right. I want to introduce you first of all, to Andy Weber, who is in, uh, in Washington, he's a former assistant secretary of defense for chemical, biological and nuclear defense programs. And he is now at the center for strategic risks. Hi and welcome. Hi Dana. Thank you. And dr. Daniel Lucy also in Washington is a senior scholar with the O'Neill Institute for national and global health law. He is also an adjunct professor of medicine, infectious diseases at Georgetown, uh, and an expert on outbreaks and pandemics. Daniel. Thanks for doing this. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (04:21) My pleasure. Thank you. So, Dana Lewis - Host Back Story : (04:23) I mean, we have some good news today, just to start off with, uh, here in the UK, while I speak to you from London, that we have another vaccine, uh, you know, that was developed with Oxford university in addition to Pfizer. And Moderna, uh, are we about to come out of this dark tunnel? Daniel? Can I start with you? Dr. Daniel Lucey: (04:39) I hope so. I hope so, but it's a long trip until we reached the end of the tunnel for our countries, the UK for us, but certainly a longer tunnel for much of the developing world. Andy Weber - CSR: (04:54) Yeah, I agree. Well, first of all, here in the U S I mean, we're at peak rates, deaths are, I've never been higher. Uh, so it's, it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We need to redouble our efforts to use proven methods like wearing masks and closing bars and, uh, you know, staying six feet apart because we know that works and we need to bend the curve down here, but having a vaccine available for the first, for the healthcare workers, the first line defenders against this pandemic will be amazing. And I'm told that that could be as early as, uh, as, uh, December Dana Lewis: (05:32) Dr. Lucy. I was, I was watching an interview that you did in January, uh, when this all started and you said, you, we, we should be concerned, but not overly frightened. Should we in fact have been quite frightened because we're now at 1.4 million deaths and climbing, Dr. Daniel Lucey: (05:49) I think we should always be frightened. Every applique I've gone to, uh, I'm very frightened myself. Uh, when I worked with many patients with Ebola in 2014, Syria in Liberia, often when I did interviews, I said, aren't you afraid? I said, of course, I'm afraid if I'm not afraid I shouldn't be here. So I'd say, eh, of all those interviews in January of, if I said, uh, we shouldn't be overly frightened. I agree. They shouldn't, you should never be overly frightened because that paralyzed that's paramedic fear. We need catalytic fear. So yes, you should always be frightened. Um, yes, we should have been more, more catalytic fear. We should have taken many more actions in January than, than we did. Dana Lewis: (06:27) What do we know now? I mean, we, we know that one of the first patients, um, has been traced back to November the 17th, 2019. So we are almost year on, you know, a year into this. Do we know where COVID-19 began? And do we know how it began, Andy, do you want to take a first run at that? Andy Weber - CSR: (06:48) Sure. I mean, the, the sad news is no, we don't know the answer to that. And that is a critical question. Um, I'm not convinced the Chinese know the answer to that, but they have not been very cooperative in working with the international community to get to that answer. Um, you know, there are different series of how it started, but, uh, we should be able to determine the origin of this virus, if we're going to be successful in preventing the next one. Dana Lewis: (07:18) Why are the Chinese not being cooperative? I mean, why have they not come clean? What are they, are they hiding something? Dr. Daniel Lucey: (07:24) So this was very controversial. I pursued it from the very beginning in terms of origin, since there, the night of December the 30th, when I first saw the report, uh, from the ophthalmology physician who, uh, was one of the first eight whistle blowers, uh, dr. Lee who died on February the sixth, I believe seventh. And trying to, um, so first I would say that, um, I think to some extent the attorneys have been cooperative, so that's not, uh, the mainstream of view here in the, in the United States. But I think that, uh, particularly their, uh, healthcare providers, uh, have been in were early in January, uh, cooperative in terms of trying to get the truth out to the world as best they could, including those first eight healthcare workers, including dr. Lee who died. Um, and, uh, who was brought in the police office in December, uh, after he said, well, there seem to be contagious, starts like pneumonia. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (08:16) Uh, but there are a number of very, very important, uh, uh, publications, actually quite a few from the mainland and from Hong Kong, uh, early on, uh, about what was going on, uh, in terms of the earliest cases. Uh, and I've mentioned two in particular, January 24th, a Friday in Atlanta, uh, based in the UK, as you know, and then that the new internal medicine, the following Wednesday, January the 29th, those are the points of departure that I mentioned, but there are other publications as well, subsequently, including by the China's CDC in Beijing, in the Chinese CDC, weekly publication, which is like the U S CDC, uh, morbidity and mortality mortality. Dana Lewis: (08:56) And why, why is that relevant? Sorry. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (08:58) Yeah, it's relevant because, uh, there's specific, uh, data that's presented in all of those references that I just mentioned, mentioned as well as quite a few others, uh, that I've tracked and written about repeatedly on the infectious disease society of America science speaks website about initial cases and the, um, church for the origins search, meaning in humans and animals and in the environment. So I think there is objective data and most recently, and I think most importantly, uh, is the, uh, publication on the who website this month, the first week of this month, around the fifth or 6th of November, uh, what's called the terms of reference for the who China and joint mission. The second one to go, uh, to search for the origins, uh, of the, of the, um, of the virus. And it's now the date here on this document is 31, July, 2020. It only came out this month because the terms of reference for this investigation had to be agreed upon by China, uh, as well as who and, Dana Lewis: (10:06) And where, where does that lead us? I mean, it was a delay in terms of reference because the Chinese didn't want to go somewhere. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (10:12) They certainly didn't say that in a document, but, uh, uh, to my view, um, they provide information here and this documents nine pages on page five in particular, that hasn't appeared anywhere else before. And it's in my view, an important incremental addition of objective data, at least according to China, um, that, that we haven't had before. And so I created a timeline of what we've learned in when we've learned it, uh, going back to, to, to end of December early January. But this document says, for example, what I think is important, um, most important is that there were 124 laboratory confirmed human cases of SARS coronavirus to causing COVID-19 in the month of December and of those 124, 119 were in move-on, but five were not. And move on. They said they were in Hubei province, you know, where we'll have the capital and, and, and elsewhere, but they don't say where elsewhere. So the important point is 124 cases. That's many more in December than we ever, uh, heard about from China previously in January. They said in the last Dana Lewis: (11:25) It does. And if I could just jump in, it doesn't seem like a lot of cases to me as a layman, uh, considering how many cases we have now, but you obviously feel that that was a significant number that should have been reported worldwide immediately. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (11:41) I'd emphasize that it was December, December 15th. There were these 124 laboratory cases, confirmed cases in who buy products. Most of them move on. What they don't say is how many were there in November, because you mentioned it's been reported by Josephine ma her byline in the South China morning, post and mid mid-March that she saw an unpublished government, a report of an investigation of the outbreak that said that the earliest known case, probably not the first, but the earliest known was November 17th. And that there was one to five cases every day after that in November, and then quite a few more in December. So I think that in fact, the origins go back quite some time, many months, perhaps more than a year. Um, and the reason I say that in is because the first we heard of this virus, everyone agrees on this. Uh, as far as I can tell, uh, it was already fully adapted to our species, to humans, to be able to be transmitted from person to person, uh, through the air and perhaps other ways, but through the air very, very efficiently. And that, to me means it was impossible if it was naturally occurring to have begun in December in that seafood market in move-on not possible. Dana Lewis: (12:54) All right, Daniel, let me just bring in Andy here, Andy. Thanks for being patient. That certainly leads us down, you know, as a reporter that just tells me that the Chinese government was covering up, um, and raises, uh, in, in huge, uh, capital letters that the Wu Han market probably wasn't the source. Where do you line up on it? Andy? Andy Weber - CSR: (13:19) I don't think we have, uh, any, uh, any proof that the market was the source of, uh, the original source of this virus. Um, a lot of the evidence and the samples that were taken at the market apparently have been destroyed. What dr. Lucy says is very important. Um, indeed if this started months before December, um, in humans and, and, and how did, how did it accelerate so quickly and spread so efficiently? Um, you know, these are important questions. Now we do know that for example, local officials in, uh, in [inaudible] were not forthcoming with the central government in Beijing initially. Uh, they sort of had a knee-jerk reaction of trying to cover up the outbreak and its severity. Um, that's unfortunate, but it will take a lot of scientific effort and I'd be interested, uh, where dr. Lucy is today on the, on the, you know, theoretical origin of, of this particular outbreak. Uh, what does he think was the original source? You're going to ask him Dr. Daniel Lucey: (14:30) Dan, so I'll try to stay [inaudible] first. Let me just say, I disagree a little bit with, uh, on the one hand that, that, that, that the local officials had covered up the events, uh, and then the Beijing officials didn't know them. I think Beijing knew everything from the beginning December, and I think there's a paper trail that can, that can support that. I realized that other distinguished people, as well as the NDA and others feel too otherwise if there was a cover up, but for me there wasn't, uh, but as far as the question, the MD, uh, as well at first, also I agree with Andy a hundred percent, there's this supermarket, it was never the source of the epidemic. And I, and I wrote that on Saturday, January the 25th on the infectious disease, Saturday medical website, it was picked up by science magazine, John Cohen. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (15:21) He sent it out Sunday night, January the 26th to ninth, stay around the world. Um, that the market was probably not the source and subsequently on May 23rd, one day after the beginning of the very important two sessions. And you will two sessions in China in Beijing this year, uh, delayed because of COVID, uh, uh, director general of the China CDC in Beijing, George Google golf, who said the market was not the source. It was just another victim. So let me stop there and then try to answer Andy's question. Uh, w w what was the, what was the source of the epidemic? I think clearly, I don't know. We don't know. I have strong opinions and I'm still trying to gather data. Dana Lewis: (16:00) I, I don't want to cut you off because your, your, your answer is so important, but I can see you're, you're not coming straight out and saying what you say that the main, like a detective, uh, you know, on the murder case, you're not saying who the main suspect is, but I think can we just come to it? It seems to be that there's growing consensus and has been for some time that did it. It was the Wu Han laboratory. You agree with that? And that they may have been doing something called gain of function. Will you, will you address that? Both of you? No, go ahead. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (16:37) Oh, yeah. Just, just nudge me off the cliff. Okay. So first of all, I don't agree Dana that, uh, the, uh, that the evidence is, uh, going towards it, that the source was the, uh, uh, uh, laboratory either the Institute of virology, uh, uh, headed by a sham Lee, she, or by the, by the, the local CDC lab, uh, which was close to the market closer than the Wolf hunt Institute. I don't think so. There's been a lot of, uh, talk about that and, uh, certainly very high ranking people in the U S government, uh, have said that there's enormous evidence and quote that that was the case, but they haven't presented it. I haven't seen it. I don't believe it. I believe Dana Lewis: (17:16) That the source, what do you think it was? Dr. Daniel Lucey: (17:19) So I think it was a naturally occurring, uh, pandemic, a naturally occurring, uh, uh, outbreak where somebody came the epidemic, the pan epidemic, and now the devastating economic and public health, uh, uh, pandemic, uh, the worst in the, you know, a hundred, 101 years, I mean, two years. So I think it was naturally current. And that's why I think it began many months earlier than December, because it takes many months for a virus to fully adapt to our species and a virus that presumably comes from an animal or more than one animal to infect Dana Lewis: (17:50) Our species. You mentioned become highly contagious through the air. It sounds very innocent than on your part, any D do you, do you also discount the Wu Han lab and gain of function experiments? No, I don't. Andy Weber - CSR: (18:06) Yeah. And dr. Lucy has studied this deeply, and I'm very interested in his view on this, but, um, in 2016, uh, scientists from the Ruan Institute of virology, um, published a work they had done the prior year on so-called gain of function, experiments. Dana Lewis: (18:26) You explain, gain a function where you talk about it, because most people don't know what they are Andy Weber - CSR: (18:30) On coronavirus. It's essentially, um, working in the laboratory, um, often with animals to try to, uh, evolve the virus. So it transmits more easily between animals in order to, in theory, to be able to prevent a spillover event from animals to humans. Personally, think that the risks of doing this type of research, um, far outweigh any potential benefit. Dana Lewis: (19:05) What makes you think it was gained a function before I go back over to dr. Lucy? Andy Weber - CSR: (19:10) Well, it's one of those data points that we don't have. I mean, were they continuing to do this type of gain of function work beyond 2015? I don't know. Um, I don't know the answer to that. I think it's one of the questions that, uh, is fairly easy to answer as well as, you know, what type of animals were they using in the laboratory, et cetera. But I also don't quite understand what, what exactly is meant by naturally occurring. Um, you know, I'm not saying that this was a genetically engineered by a weapon. I think that has been totally discounted, but they could use natural methods of evolving it from generation to generation in animals, uh, doing what they would consider legitimate public health research. I mean, the, the us national institutes of health that Tony Fowchee runs is currently funding gain of function research in the Netherlands and elsewhere that's on, on the flu virus, the risk of, of creating, uh, a super flu and then having it escape from a laboratory, either through a worker getting infected and taking it home, um, or a release into the environment, I think far outweighs the medical benefit of conducting this type of research. Dana Lewis: (20:35) It was, it was banned in the U S and in 2014, and then it was Andy Weber - CSR: (20:39) Hello. There was a, there was a moratorium on this type of research. Um, after the, uh, the Dutch scientist was attempting to publish a paper purporting to have made, uh, the highly pathogenic avian influenza virus, uh, more easily transmissible, uh, in an experiment with ferrets. Um, but that moratorium was lifted. Um, I believe in 2017. So such research continues to be funded by the United States government. And I, I just think it's an unjustifiable, uh, risk. Dana Lewis: (21:17) Oh, Lucy, could you answer Andy's question as to, you know, he's not sure what you meant by natural, um, and why, why do you think it wasn't gain of function potentially, Dr. Daniel Lucey: (21:29) But by natural, I mean, the same as for SARS severe acute respiratory syndrome from China, one province in the Southeast where the first case was thought to be November the 16th, 2002, then into 2003, as we know, or the middle East respiratory syndrome coronavirus pneumonia that, uh, was first, uh, found retrospectively in a, in a hospital, in as dr. Jordan and April of 2012, and then subsequently mostly in Saudi Arabia. Uh, so most viruses, uh, NIPA virus, Bola they're, they're naturally occurring. They come from an animal species to human species for the most part. Um, what do you have you mentioned about the experiments with a bird flu called age five and one, uh, that's that's different to me, uh, it was originally called Julius research of concern, but as basically a gain of function, it means that the virus H five N one, in this case gained the function of being able to spread through the air from Farah to ferret, which are mammals. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (22:27) So by implication, it could spread through the air between humans, but I'd like to emphasize that the United States has done a lot of documented public information, publicly available information, uh, uh, gain a function like research as well. Uh, we've I think probably just made more made it public, uh, more so than other countries, but I'd say very importantly, it wasn't only the Dutch at Erasmus medical center in Rotterdam, but it was the Americans, the dr. [inaudible] lab in the United States that also did in parallel at the same time and published at the same time in premier journals, science and natures, uh, in 2012, this, uh, basically a gain of function research for H five, then one being able to be spread from fair to fair in the laboratory. We w we did it, the Dutch did it. They were both funded by the U S uh, NIH, dr. Fowchee Institute, the national Institute of allergy and infectious disease. Uh, let me just stop there. Dana Lewis: (23:22) All right. So I appreciate both of you have limited time here. So I just want to try to come to where we are now, and that is Andy. Look, you have a tremendous background, more than people understand in terms of trying to stop biological weapons, along with chemical, along with nuclear attacks, you've just recently written a editorial along with Christine parts of more in the LA times where you said biological attacks are now more appealing than ever that the lesson coming out of this, which I would have thought would be, you know, biological experimentation gain of function probably is lost on rogue governments and terrorist organizations, which may now see biological weapons, uh, as something that they could introduce, uh, understanding, uh, how they've crippled economies and, and killed tens of thousands of people. You have a real concern, whatever the final, uh, trail is on how this virus started, uh, that it puts us in a much more dangerous place. Andy Weber - CSR: (24:32) Oh, absolutely. And in our, uh, LA times piece, we spell this out, but basically our adversaries can watch, uh, the fumbling response that the United States has had to this biological event. And, and imagine if it had been a, uh, a bio-engineered weapon, uh, with 30% mortality, instead of two to 3% mortality, it could be much, much worse than what we're experiencing now, but our response has been so fumbling, I'm concerned that we send the message of, of, uh, vulnerability and that those who would wish to do us harm will see that as an opportunity to pursue the deliberate use of biological weapons against us. So that's the, uh, that's the chilling effect, but on the positive side, uh, our response, especially the scientific and medical response has accelerated modern, uh, really, uh, game changing technologies for early warning and detection and, uh, medical countermeasures therapeutics, vaccines that are now being proven for the first time in humans that will make us much better prepared to prevent or nip in the bud the next potential pandemic Dana Lewis: (25:54) Biden administration. Um, do you think, and I know you have some input there, will they overhaul, uh, and dramatically change the America's ability to have enhanced preparedness as you, as you termed it in that editorial? Andy Weber - CSR: (26:11) Oh, absolutely. That's something that we at the council on strategic risks are advising, um, that the next administration, the Biden administration, uh, increased the resourcing and level of effort and public private partnerships to really create a system of robust pandemic prevention, early warning and rapid counter measures. So we can make this the last pandemic and in the process significantly reduced the threat of, uh, biological weapons, Dana Lewis: (26:44) Specifically, dr. Lucy, thanks for being patient there. The last word to you, sir, Dr. Daniel Lucey: (26:49) What I'd like to say is very sobering, which is that since March of this year, uh, after I'd gone to Shanghai, to Hong Kong, to Cairo for COVID-19, I began to have the sense that something else is coming or something else that's already here. And that's what I've been looking for. Ever since that time, I hope I'm wrong, but I think that is the operational day-to-day, uh, leaning forward focus that, that, that I take. And I hope, uh, uh, others take, in other words, what's next is already here, but we just haven't recognized it yet. And that's my driving philosophy after many years of going to many epidemics every year overseas, since 2003. Uh, and it's, it's the it's, what's on the wall. The final section of the Smithsonian museum of natural history here in DC, there's a large, uh, exhibit on epidemics, viral epidemics that come from animals. I proposed it in 2014 and I worked on it and it opened 2018 till 2022. Now we're going to have a section on COVID. Uh, it's, it's what I believe with my heart, heart, and soul. And it's, it's how I'm going to pursue the rest of my career. I really think that something is out there and we need to find it and act much better than we did with regard to SARS coronavirus, to just stop it from becoming a pandemic it's already out there. Dana Lewis: (28:04) You don't have evidence that something is out there, but the, the reasonable expectation is it's just a matter of time till the next one comes along. Dr. Daniel Lucey: (28:14) Okay. Yes. If I had evidence, I would, I would share it with the MD and you and everybody else, but I've actually physically gone to places looking for it. And the past couple of months, as well as, you know, internet through friends around the world, et cetera, I haven't found it. I hope it doesn't exist, but I believe that it does. And the attitude we should have another virus. Oh, it could be a virus. It could be a bacteria. It could be a prion. It could be some, some other pathogen. Yes. I'm thinking in terms of infectious diseases. Dana Lewis: (28:42) And have you seen evidence of an infectious disease after COVID-19 another one? Dr. Daniel Lucey: (28:48) Well, they're, they're occurring all around the world. There is one particular one that I went to search for. I didn't find it, but the week after I left, it was found, but it was not, it was a very small number of people. It wasn't an outbreak. So as long as it doesn't cause an outbreak fine. Um, but if anything, it just reinforced my sense of this is what we should be doing, or at least what I should be doing actively looking, including going on the ground. Dana Lewis: (29:13) Thank you for explaining that to dr. Daniel, Lucy from Georgetown and Andy Weber, the former assistant secretary for defense, for chemical, biological, and biological and nuclear defense programs. Thank you so much. Both of you. Thank you. Dana world health organization, officials see an international team of scientists will be traveling again to China in due time to continue an investigation Dana Lewis - host : (29:42) Into the origins of the Corona virus that causes COVID-19 a team was there over the summer discussing which studies had to take place for the Chinese government, the who officials said, they look forward to making progress on the investigation, not only into animal origins of the virus, but also into how the virus can jump from speeding. The species. The real question is quote, the origin species barrier. Where did that occur? And that is still unknown, said an official. I would suggest we read between the lines and investigation. That's happening very slowly, very late. And one wonders. If the Chinese government will allow investigators to really uncover everything about how this virus appeared and where I'm Dana Lewis. Thanks for listening to backstory, please subscribe and share this podcast. And if you'd like to be a sponsor, drop us a line. I'll talk to you again soon.

[supersoldierslover]

Friends Part 6

Summary: You and Bucky are friends for a long time, but lately you start to develop romantic feelings for him. One day one of Tony’s parties everything changes but maybe not the way you wanted or expected.

Paring: Bucky x Reader

Words: 2749 (ops)

Warnings: Fluffy, sadness and all flashbacks are in italic

Thank you @amrita31199 you are amazing.

credits to the gif owners

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

The elevator ride was torture, it felt like hours and hours but in reality, you know that was only a few minutes.  You take a deep breath looking in the mirror of the elevator, your lips are puffy from the kiss and your neck is red from his beard scratching you.

You look like a mess.

All you want is go home, take off this bikini that is making you feel exposed and take a long hot shower. You feel like you made a huge mistake, you just don’t know what the mistake was. If it was the kiss or never letting Bucky say whatever was that he wanted to say to you.

You tap your pockets looking for your car keys, you curse yourself when you remember that you came here with Bucky and now you don’t have any idea how you are going to get home. Anyone you might ask for a ride, it's going to ask a lot of questions and you don't want to answer any of it.

“I was looking for you, are you okay?” Dan says to you as you leave the elevator, your heart shatters as you look into his blue eyes you are being a real jerk to him today. “No...I want to go home.” You say covering your boobs with your hands don’t want to feel so exposed to him, he notices how uncomfortable you are so he gives you his jacket “I can take you home if you want.”

You nod, you just want to get out of here. Dan leads you to his car opening the door for you. You are thankful that he doesn’t try to make small talk or ask what is wrong he just drive in silence with you by his side.

In 20 minutes he is parking in front of your building, he calls your name gently trying to get your attention “Can we talk?” He asks and you nod, talk is the last thing you want to do with him or anybody else for that matter.

“There is no right way to say this, I like you…  I really do like you. I know that we only been in a couple of dates but I can see myself being with you in the future and I know that you have a few things to think about and decide… but I want you to think about me while you are making this decision."

He says awkwardly, you can understand where he is coming from. You like him too, when you are around him you feel different you feel weightless. You put your hand on his hand squeezing lightly “I like you too, Dan. But I am very confused right now. I don’t know what I want and I don’t know what I don’t want  … the only thing I know is that I don’t want to get hurt or hurt anyone else.”

You look down, feeling like you said too much. You let go of his hand and start to play with hair, waiting for him to say something. A couple minutes’ passes, you are thinking about getting out of the car when he says. “My mom used to say that, we cannot prevent pain. She comes whatever she wants and only goes way when the time is right. So don’t be so hard on yourself.”

You nod feeling like you are going to cry again, he is being to understanding. This would be a lot easier if he just screams with you “Dan can I ask you something?”

You watch as he nods before you continue “What do you want? What do you mean when you say that you can see me in your future?” You need to hear him saying whatever is his mind, you need to know what he wants from you.

“ Like I said I like you, I can see us being together in the future as a couple.  Doing couple … things, like going to cinema and taking road trips…  You being my girlfriend.” You nod, you can’t look at him and say that you want the same thing because you don’t know what you want.

Part of you think this is too soon, the other part can’t stop thinking about Bucky and the kiss that you two shared.  “I need some time to think about it, please?” He agrees kissing your forehead “ Of course, just let me know...” You take off his jacket, kissing his cheek “ I see you soon, bye Daniel.” You say getting out of his car.

At home the first thing you do is get in the shower, the hot water relaxes your muscles and you finally feel like you can cry. You are a mix of emotions, you feel sadness, happiness, and emptiness all at the same time.

.You don’t know how long you stay in the shower but you know it is a lot because when you get out of it the water is cold and you are shivering.

You wish you could do things different not only today but for a while now. In two years that you are friends with Bucky Barnes, he never made you feel so lost like right now.

You lay on your bed wrapped around your towel, you don’t want to move you just want to stay like this until you find a solution for your problems. The first thing that pops into your mind is to run away to another country with a fake a name and start over.

It is a good idea but not very practical one. How things turn out this way?  You never imagined that you would fall in love with Bucky when you meet him.

You check your phone for the third time in the last 10 minutes, is obvious by now that you are being stood up. You order another beer, it is a shame that you put such a pretty dress for nothing.

You look around seeing that this bar is pretty empty for a Friday night, if was up to you, you would be at home eating s pizza and watching some horror movie but you had to let your coworker convince you to go on date with her cousin.

You are going to kill her on Monday “Hi… do you mind if sit next to you?” You look at the guy who takes you away from your thoughts, ready to say that yes you mind but them you really look at him and he looks so lost in that place that you don’t have the guts to be mean to him.

“No, please take a sit.” You say gesturing to the chair in front of you, while he sits you can’t stop staring at him. He is handsome, with his blue eyes and muscular shoulders. He looks terrified to be here with you, you can see by the way his leg is moving and how his palms are sweating.

You smile introducing yourself to him “James,  but my friends call me Bucky.” You nod, he is so shy that you are trying to understand what he is doing here and not only at your table but at this bar “Well… can I help you with something, James?”

He takes a deep breath and nods “ If you turn around you are gonna see two idiots talking, they are my best friends and they asked me who was the most beautiful girl in this room and … I said you because you are beautiful and you look really nice…”

He blushes as he says that, and as much as you want to stop him right there you want to see where this is going “… And they challenge to come ask for your number. I know that you are never going to be interested in me, look at you but can you a write a few random numbers on my phone under a fake a number just for them to leave me alone? I pay you for whatever you are drinking.”

You smile at him, putting your hand on his. He freezes at the sudden physical contact so you take away as fast as you can “Sorry… James before I give you my fake number can I ask you something?” He nods tugging his sleeves.

“Why didn’t you tried to get my real number? You are a very attractive man and I am pretty sure that you can get any phone number that you want.” He blushes again, but for the first time in the night he smiles at you “I don’t think you would be interested in someone like me.” He says putting his hand on the table and you have to look twice because he has a metal hand.

“I don’t think that would stop anyone, but I tell you what. You keep me company for 15 minutes I will laugh at your jokes and them you can say to your friends that you have my phone number.”  You don’t know why you are flirting with him, James looks nice enough but you should accept the free beer and let him go.

Maybe is the fact that while he is on your table no asshole is gonna bother you but you know the true you are starting to like the guy “Your real phone number?” You shrug “ We will see how this 15 minutes goes.”

You scold yourself, you shouldn’t for flirting with him again. He is not ready for a relationship or even a one night stand for that matter “Well thank you, I was right about you.” This time you are the one to blush, even with being so shy he had a charm inside of him.

“So let me ask you, why are your friends want you to get a phone number this night? Not laid but just a phone number” He orders a couple more beers for you two before answering “ You don’t have any idea who I am, do you?”

You shake your head no, is he famous? No, you would remember a face like that “Should I know you?” He laughs “Maybe, but I think is better that you don’t.” 15 minutes never went by so fast, James lost a bit of his shyness but he most heard you talk during the time.

“As promised, here it is, Bucky.” You say giving him your real phone number “It is the real one? Because I really would like to see you again.” You get up kissing his cheek “Call me and find out.”

You leave the bar with a smile on your face, but you doubt that he will call you he looked to shy for that.

You smile at the memory, he was so cute and shy. How did he become the womanizer that sleep with everything that moved?   It took months for him to be truly comfortable around you.

In the beginning, he was always flinching whatever you touched him, even if was something as simple as holding his hand or playing with his hair. But know he is comfortable with anyone and everyone.

You can’t stop thinking about the first time he had a one night stand, and how you maybe push him into that. Was six months after you two meet, at that time you already knew everything that was to know about his past.

You were in another Stark party, this was the fourth of this month. You aren’t a big fan of Tony’s party’s they were always too crowded and too loud. But you really enjoyed the after party, where are only you, the Avengers and their girlfriends.

Was time where they could drink beer and being themselves. Something that they couldn’t do very often.

“Hey, you are late.” Bucky says giving you a hug and a beer “Yeah I am sorry, I was stuck at the office.” He nods holding your waist “Something interesting happen while I was away?” He nods “I want to talk about something.”

“Yeah, sure anything.” He leads you to the balcony, where you too are alone “ A woman asked me if I wanted to go home with her.” You nearly choke on your beer, you never imagined someone being this forward with Bucky.

“Do you want to go home with her?”  You asked trying to understand the situation “ I don’t know, you know? It’s being a long time, since the last time I went home with someone like more than 70 years.”

You nod, waiting for him to continue “I talked with Sam he said I should do it, that I could enjoy the sex and that would be good for me. But Steve said that I should wait, that after everything I shouldn’t rush into things especially with a stranger and that I should be doing these things with someone that I care about or even love. What do you think?”

Of course, that you agreed with Steve, you wanted the best for him but you strongly believe that he has to make his own choices “ It is up to you,  if you feel like you are ready and if you want to do it. Them you should do it, but if you are doing this because you feel like you have to, don’t do it.”

“This wasn’t very useful.” He says playful “Come on, I trust your opinion. Do you think that I should wait, for someone I care about or love?” He says staring at your eyes, taking a string of hair out of your face.

“Maybe Bucky, but it’s not up to me to decide. But I think you should do, what is good for you. Think with both of your heads in this case.”

You wonder if you had said something that night, things would be different right now. If he would find someone that he loved if you could be that someone. But the true is that you weren’t in love with him back them.

You loved him, but your love was pure platonic until eight months ago. You don’t know which was the exactly moment that you feel in love with him, but you know that you are in love with him.

You are in love with the way he holds you while he sleeps, how he plays with you hair when he is nervous and especially how he always care and trust your opinion.

You are starting feeling sleepy, your eyes are so heavy but your mind can’t shut down. Every time you close your eyes, you see every girl he has been with and this kills you but nothing never is going to hurt so much like the first time you realized that you were in love with him and you saw him with another girl.

“You look beautiful tonight. Wanda says as you put red lipstick “Well thank you, you also look amazing.” She laughs, putting her hair in a ponytail “Well you never look this pretty on these parties, so what is happening?”

You smile looking down, you are excited to meet Bucky today. it’s being a while since you can’t get him out of your mind “ Nothing, I just want to get a little more dress up.” She nods “Yeah sure. Come on, let’s go downstairs I promised Vision I would teach him to dance.”

She hooks her arm with yours, as you to leave her room “You know, you look happy… I hope to see you tomorrow for breakfast.” She says and you pretend to be offended by her insinuation, after all, you wearing some sexy black lingerie underneath your blue dress “Maybe you see.”

You two are smiling waiting for the elevator, but when the door open the smile falls out of your face. You see Bucky, making out with a beautiful brunette “Ops…” You say, feeling embarrassed “Sorry…” He says stepping away from the girl making room for you and  Wanda to get in.

“There is no need, we catch the next one.” You say, with a fake smile on your lips. When the door closes, you feel Wanda putting her arms around you and asking“ Do you want to go for ice cream?”

“What about Vision?” She shrugs “He will understand.”

You hear your cell phone ring in distance, but you are feeling so tired that all you do is turning around lying on your stomach, falling asleep at the sound of your ringtone.

Part 7

Leave feedback, i really want to know what you guys are thinking so far.

If you wanna be tagged (or untagged) in this series please let me know.

[t-baba]

Is Deno the next big thing?

#472 — January 24, 2020

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A Guide to ESLint Configuration and Best Practices — A start-to-finish walkthrough aimed at beginners or anyone who usually just copy/pastes settings until things work. This will help you really understand what’s going on.

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The Best Way to Build Reactive Sub-Forms with Angular — Learn how to extract repetitive sub-form implementations into standalone, robust and type safe components.

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[pointlessdedication]

An untitled story

hi, this is something i wrote a long time ago, for further explanation you can see my previous post. this is only a small part of the whole fanfiction, but it's still 2,231 words, which might sound like too much. it's about dan and phil. hope you enjoy.

-----.-----

Phil

It has been almost a year since Dan was diagnosed with lung cancer. Today we are headed for the hospital to get the results of the tests that will determine if he is cancer free. Google says that there is a 92% of chance he is going to be fine, and for once, I'm wishing Google is right.

He has fallen asleep and his head is resting on my left shoulder, I can see his chest moving up and down. I look out the window to realize that we are a couple of blocks away so I start to wake him up. Summer in London can be disgustingly warm and today it’s particularly moist. Dan’s hair has gone really curly because of the sweat forming on his forehead. I reach for his shoulder and shake it lightly.

"Dan," I say. "Dan, wake up. We are almost there."

He sighs and slowly removes his head from my shoulder. He rubs his eyes and looks at the window. I mimic him.

When we get there I pay the driver and open the door for both Dan and I to get out, but being the stubborn man he is, he opens the door on his side. I don't want him to feel like I have started to treat him differently or that I pity him, but no matter how much time has passed since this started, I could never get used to seeing my best friend dying. I try to act normal anyway and I walk to the entrance of the hospital feeling a pinch of guilt in my stomach for letting him walk on his own but I know, I think, that's what he prefers. A year ago, when Dan was diagnosed, he was alone at the doctor's and he had entered into shock, later that day, when he arrived home and I asked what was wrong, he exploded. He looked at me for a couple of seconds before tears started streaming down his face, he grabbed the first thing his hand could reach and threw it against the wall, then continued to melt onto the floor and started mumbling every curse word he knew. I kneeled next to him and placed my hand on his shoulder, he turned his face to look at me; stood up, sat on the couch and told me everything the doctor had told him. The next day, when we went for his first session, the doctor explained that the cancer had spread from his right lung to the lymph nodes in the center of his chest, which meant that he was on stage two. He said that almost no one gets the proper attention in order to find the cancer whilst the tumor is still on the lung– I still don't know how that was supposed to make us feel better; I know it didn't. Stage two basically means that you are screwed, that you can't simply remove the tumor because it has already spread and made itself a very cozy home. A year ago when the doctor had told us he needed chemotherapy and probably radiotherapy it meant nothing to me, but today, I am quite the expert on cancer.

As we walk down the hall I can hear Dan's unsteady breathing behind me, I clench my fists, close my eyes and take a deep breath. I try my best to swallow the knot forming down my throat; I look back and smile at him. He raises his eyebrows and replies with a small side smile. It's maybe impolite to think it but he looks awful. There’s no life in his eyes and the dark circles under them definitely don't help. His lips are red and swollen because he just won't stop biting them, his face looks drained from life and he has lost a lot of weight.

We reach the doctor's office and I start biting my nails– that’s a new habit, and a terrible one considering I always make my fingers bleed before I realize I have gone too far. We sit on the chairs the doctor offers us as he sits on one himself. His hands are trembling, and he looks rather stressed. Is there a new patient? Has somebody died? A surgery gone wrong? I stop the negative thoughts and try to focus on my own trembling hands.

"Gentleman, hello, it is very nice to see you again," the doctor says as he plays with his pen. "I, we, spent the entire night looking at your results, talking about your case and how the treatment has affected the tumors forming in your chest, and I have both good and bad news. The tumors that were located on the lymph nodes have completely disappeared, unfortunately, the one that is all over your lung, is still there, and even though its growth has been slowed down, there is a big chance that the chemotherapy will not get rid of it. “I didn't want to say it like this but unfortunately, I cannot rename medical terms, you have failed the chemotherapy. And this, in no way, means that it is your fault, however, it is imperative that we find another solution to your problem before the tumor finds a new place to spread."

We are both quiet. I search the entirety of my brain for something appropriate to say but it is as if everything has been wiped. I command myself to speak but I cannot seem to find my mouth, I cannot feel my face and I cannot find the strength to move my lips or my tongue, I feel my eyes fall to the doctor's face and that's where they stay. I am unaware of the rest of my body. I can't feel anything. I can't hear, I can't speak.

"There are other solutions," the doctor continues, he sounds like he’s really far away, "now that the cancer that had spread outside the lung area has been eliminated the possibility of surgery is viable again, and actually, the only option."

"So, that means that now there is a possibility of removing the bit of the lung that has been affected," says Dan. He is sitting next to me but the ringing in my ears makes it difficult to hear him clearly.

"Well, not exactly, you see, even though the chemotherapy slowed down the development of the tumor, it did not stop it. Your lung is completely covered by the cancer," the doctor replies as he lays his eyes on me. I should say something.

"Which means that you would have to–" Dan is unable to finish the sentence because the doctor interrupts him.

"Remove your lung entirely. Yes."

I wasn't expecting this. I had been too positive, too careless; it is my fault that my best friend is losing his lung. I could've done more. I could’ve done something better.

"As I said before, this is nobody's fault, the treatment simply didn't work, but we have options Daniel, and I'm sure you are going to be okay," the doctor continues but he isn't looking at Dan he is looking at me and someone who talks just like me starts shouting.

"And how could you know?! You told us that the chemotherapy would most certainly work, but it didn't, did it? So what happens if you leave Dan with one lung and then it doesn't work? How can we trust such an incompetent doctor like y-" I feel a hand on my shoulder, the screaming voice was me, I had stood up, and was leaning towards the doctor, Dan is now holding me back with both hands. I sigh and leave the room quickly. Well done Phil, this is the moment you decide to explode, screaming at the guy you have trusted Dan's life to. Amazing. You are so stupid. Dan's long fingers wrap around my arm, I turn around to see him half smiling.

"It's going to be okay Phil, don't let out the rage monster no one is supposed to know about in front of the guy who gives me the drugs," he laughs.

"I am so sorry Dan, you shouldn’t be the one comforting me. I just, I can't lose you." I say as I get the credit card out of my pocket and walk towards the reecptionist. It feels like that sentence has lost all meaning after saying it so many times.

"Eh, here's the money for the exams and, you know, everything."

"The doctor would like to see Daniel this Friday, at what time should I make the appointment?" The receptionist asks in a very lovely Scottish accent.

"Uhh, Dan?” I ask as I turn to see him typing on his phone.

"Yeah, anything after 12 is okay,” he replies, not looking away from the screen.

"Okay dear, I have a free space at 12:30, is that alright?" She asks looking up at me with big green eyes.

I nod and see her type Dan’s name onto the computer.

"Thank you, I'll see you Friday then,” I say as I make my way towards the door.

–––––

We arrive to our apartment and I hold my breath when I hear Dan’s irregular breathing as he climbs up the stairs. Walking up the stairs is tiring enough; now imagine walking up the stairs when you have lung cancer. He goes straight to his room; there really is not much to do when you have cancer. I go to the kitchen and decide we deserve to eat some microwaved popcorn. I walk into his room with a bowl in one hand and a new anime we ordered a couple weeks ago in the other.

"Hey you. I brought some popcorn and, guess what arrived today? Do you fancy watching some anime?" I ask him as I sit on his bed.

"Wild Tuesday night plans, I see,” he says mockingly.

“Yeah, well, we are not usually very wild, now are we?” I say as I rest my back against his headboard. Dan arches his eyebrows and smirks.

“Don’t ever say that out loud again,” he answers as he closes his MacBook and gets up from his bed. "Come on, let’s watch it on the big TV."

We make our way to the living room and we sit on the same spots we've been sitting on for the past five years.

As we watch the TV I find my mind wandering, the specific cancer that was slowly killing Dan is called Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer Adenocarcinoma and it had been, for the most part, our only topic of conversation this past year. I remember the first couple of months perfectly, though I wish my brain had blocked them. We fought so much during the first days; it is hard to remember it now. When I first found out I was really supportive, told Dan I'd be there every single step of the way and that it was all going to work out alright but I wasn't really aware of what I was promising; I was in a state of denial that prevented me from understanding that my best friend was dying. With every visit to the doctor my positive attitude decayed and so did Dan's. I realize only when the subtitles become a blur that there are tears streaming down my face. I fake a yawn and dry what I can with the tips of my fingers as discretely as my clumsy hands allow me. I see Dan looking through the side of his eyes towards my direction so I excuse myself and head towards the bathroom. I inhale and exhale– once, twice, I do it until the knot down my throat is gone. This is something that has happened before, I sigh and wash my face trying to get rid of the red patches on my cheeks but my eyes are swollen enough for him to notice so I sit on the floor and wait for my face to return to its normal state. I can hear my steady breathing now that I’m calm and it troubles me knowing that Dan’s breathing will never be steady anymore. I dismiss the thought before I start crying again. I wonder what would be different if Dan wasn’t sick. We were incredibly happy, the years before he got ill had been the best for both of us, we went to Japan, we published two books, we hosted awards and events, we went on tour, we created a gaming channel, we had never been happier and then one day it was all over. As the days passed, Dan slowly became too ill to film and I was often too busy taking care of him, there wasn’t much I could talk about in videos anyway. The first couple of months our subscribers were incredibly supportive, they made trending topics, commented in all our recent videos, tweeted us, all of them telling us how this would be over soon and that they’d be with us till the end, but 11 months later I had lost around 250,000 subscribers and Dan had lost around 100,000. I don’t blame them though, not all of them care about us enough to stay with Dan and I through this rough patch. I stand up and open the door only to find Dan sitting in front of the door across the hallway.

[yuurisnice]

Unraveling

Title: Unraveling Summary:  Dan knew he was different from other children very early on. He never lost his 'imaginary friends', they only became a more integral part of his life. Living with his illness is never easy and with a secret as large as his, cracks are bound to appear. While he isn't ashamed of his DID, he knows the consequences of telling the wrong people.  Word Count: 21k Warnings: Smoking, mention of drug use, drinking, mentions of past trauma, anxiety

A/N: I’m really sorry to everyone on mobile because read mores don’t work and this is long af. This fic is my actual child and I’m so happy with how it turned out. So much time and research went into this fic. I wanted it to be as medically accurate as possible.  I got the inspiration of this fic when I stumbled upon a youtuber named Jess who posts videos about her DID. She and all of her alters are amazing and I just want everyone to know their story and learn that DID isn’t scary like the media makes it out to be.  Also huge shout out to @phansdick and @theinsanityplays for listening to me complain about my inability to do this topic justice and for giving me ideas when I was in a rut. And I can’t forget the amazing @moonlitdan for being a lovely beta.  If there are any inaccuracies with this fic, please let me know so I can change them!  That was a really long author’s note. Okay. Enjoy!

Read on AO3!

Dan only remembered  very brief moments in his life where he didn’t have alters. In fact, there’s only a handful of memories, enough that he could count them on one hand. As early as six he remembers playing with Evelyn, having her guide him through the nights. He didn’t know why, it happened or when it started, and he still could not access the reasons behind his disorder. All he knew was that his alters protected him and that was more than enough reasoning for him. It couldn't have been pleasant if his mind had to split into pieces in order to get through.

Evelyn was his best friend. She was there for him through thick and thin. At nights when the threat of the monster coming out from under the bed was strong, Evelyn would rock him to sleep. She would make sure that he went to bed at a reasonable time and woke up early enough to get ready for school. She kept him fed and clean, she helped him with his homework and made sure he paid attention in class. She would hold his hand as they crossed the street and if someone gave Dan what they used to call the ‘heebie jeebies’, Evelyn would take over until she could get Dan to safety.

Dan would insist on setting a place for Evelyn at the dinner table and for a short while his parents went along with it. After all, all children have imaginary friends until they grow up and make real friends. But time went on, Dan got older, and Evelyn stayed right by his side.

When Dan was eight, he started getting notices sent home about his ‘overactive imagination’. His parents and teachers would have conferences where seeing a specialist of childhood development was mentioned. Children were meant to lose their imaginary friends as they got older, but Dan’s relationship with Evelyn only seemed to strengthen.

Still, Dan’s parents didn’t want to admit there was a problem. They were content to live in a bubble where Dan would one day leave his ‘friend’ behind and go on to be a functioning member of society. This denial of the issues led to Kaleb.

For the remainder of his childhood into his teen years, Dan’s parents would make snide comments fully believing themselves to be constructive.

“Haven’t heard from Evelyn in a fair few days. She finally disappear or did she just take a mini vacation?’

“When are you going to grow up and drop this imaginary friend bullshit?”

“The two of you were inseparable, did you have a fight or something?”

“Honey, Dan’s just seeking attention. If we ignore this ‘Evelyn’ stuff, it will go away’.

Dan grew uncomfortable talking about Evelyn to the point where he just stopped mentioning her in front of people. Between the two of them, they decided that around people who knew Dan, Evelyn wouldn’t act like Evelyn, but she would do her best Dan Howell impression. People started to buy it and they lived comfortably for years.

It was when Dan was twelve that he discovered a new person in his head. He didn’t even know they existed for a fair few weeks.

Dan was getting in trouble more often than not, both at home and at school. Things would get broken that Dan didn’t remember breaking. Notes from teachers would go missing; notes that Dan didn’t even remember getting. He would come to in the middle of the night standing in the middle of his childhood park, stuck to find his way home and sneak into the house.

Every time his parents reprimanded him, he would say the same thing.

I don’t remember, it wasn’t me.

He started to turn his back on Evelyn, convinced that she was the one who was ruining his life. He’d spent his entire life trusting her with his body so why wouldn’t she take it for some joyrides? Afterall, Dan knew she had her own separate will so it wasn’t an impossible theory.

Three long weeks he spent ignoring Evelyn, starting to believe his parents when they said that if he ignored the problem it would go away. That perhaps there wasn’t even a problem to begin with. Perhaps it was just in his head.  

This operation clearly didn’t work out too well and it all came to a head when he got home from school one day.

“Dan. Who is Kaleb?” Dan’s mother asked with a bite in her tone. Her hands were on her hips while his father sat quietly in a nearby rocking chair.

Dan, who had never once heard that name before in his life tried to wrack his brain. Was Kaleb another kid at his school? Did something happen to this Kaleb that he should be made aware of? What did this Kaleb do and why did it anger his parents so?

“I don’t know. Who’s Kaleb?” Dan asked, trying to work together an incomplete puzzle.

His parents didn’t answer. Instead his mother shoved a note into his hands and stormed off into the kitchen where loud clanking of dishes could be heard.

“Just go to your room, son. I think your mother and I need some time to process. We’ll be in shortly.” His dad didn’t move from his seat, still hadn’t looked at Dan since he came home, so Dan simply did as he was told.

With a slump of his upper body, Dan dragged himself upstairs, down the hall and into his room. Inside was a mix of things that most people wouldn’t think went together. There were black sheets and covers. The walls were a dark brown with little stick-on flower petals on every wall. There were baby dolls left over from his younger days and his childhood bear he slept with every night. His legos were in a box in the corner and he had a tv with a basic gaming console attached.

Dan dropped his bag onto his messy desk, Evelyn had refused to straighten up until Dan apologized, and headed straight for his bed. He had been hoping for a nap after the stressful day he’d had at school but his mind was now preoccupied with the note held between his hands. As he got comfortable on the bed he unfolded the paper and started to read.

Dear Mr and Mrs. Howell,

It has come to my attention that Daniel has been having far more outbursts than normal. He is unusually chaotic and distracting to his fellow students. He will refuse to do his work and insist on being called ‘Kaleb’. At first we believed it to be just another phase but after consulting with the school psychologist we no longer believe this to be normal pre-teen behaviour.

While we cannot force you to seek outside assistance for your child, we will need to set up a meeting to see what can be done about this disruptive behaviour. If it continues on at its current pace, we will be forced to take action and move Daniel to a class better suited to his needs.

Please call at your earliest convenience to set up an appointment with the school psychologist and Daniel’s guidance counselor. I will also be in attendance as well as Daniel’s teacher.

I do hope we can find a solution to this that will be beneficial to everyone.

Sincerely,

Principal Edwin Macafee

Dan read over the letter several times, trying to get a grasp on what the contents really were saying. He got his answer on what his parents were referring to when they mentioned Kaleb, but it wasn’t another student, it was him.

Without noticing, Dan started crying. It wasn’t a normal cry, but a full on sob. He couldn’t remember. He didn’t know that he had been doing so poorly. He was a good student, a good person. Evelyn made sure of that but for once, even Evelyn couldn’t protect him.

For the longest time after that meltdown, Dan’s parents still stayed in denial. It wasn’t until he was fifteen that they agreed it was time to seek outside help.  

Dan had started to lose more and more time, not able to recollect entire conversations, classes, even people. It got to the point where Dan wasn’t Dan for days at a time. His alters would step forward more often than not, letting Dan retreat into a safe place in his mind.

He was taken to his normal doctor who recommended a therapist to him. After two months on the waiting list, he finally got an appointment.

Dr. Kayla Longburg was a middle aged woman who specialized in childhood depression and anxiety. Throughout the first couple of sessions she had diagnosed Dan with Bipolar Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. He didn’t agree with the diagnosis, but having a name to his experiences was enough for him to go along with it.

He saw Dr. Longburg once a week, every thursday afternoon for two years. Somewhere along the way he was put on medicine to help ease his symptoms, but they didn’t help. He still lost time. There were still days where he wasn’t Dan. He still had Evelyn help him to sleep at night and Kaleb was still a little shit to everyone he met.

It wasn’t until Evelyn came out during a session that things started to change.

Before that time, Dan’s alters stayed hidden. Kaleb insisted that it was best to hide them away, act as though they weren’t as big in his lives as they were. Even Evelyn, who was generally the level headed one, was concerned that if anyone knew there were others living within Dan, the doctors and Dan’s parents would do everything in their power to ‘kill’ the alters.

During one session, Dr. Longburg was trying to get Dan to speak about his early childhood. She believed getting to the root of his issues would solve them. To speak about the trauma would bring light to his illness and perhaps start to believe them. Instead, with each insistence that Dan could remember if he tried hard enough, panic built up.

Dan knew he was going to switch before it happened. He got light headed and felt as though all of the energy was drained from his body. It felt like he was fighting against himself just to stay alive, and in some ways he was. As the panic built, the headache grew and Dan didn’t want to fight anymore. His eyes glazed over and he felt himself falling into his inner world.

Evelyn stepped out and this was the first time that Dan could see and hear what Evelyn could. The doctor caught on to the change in Dan’s body language, no longer hunched over himself but instead sat up straight as an arrow. His hands uncurled themselves and sat calmly in his lap.

“Dan does not remember and Dan does not remember for good reason. Stop prying. It’s hard to protect him when you’re making him think about the very thing that caused this.” Evelyn’s voice was strong, there was not a single stutter or hesitation and the words rang proudly through Dan’s ears. It was okay because Evelyn was here.

“Dan there’s no need to talk in third person.” The doctor replied after a moment of composure. It was evident that she was shocked by the outburst. In the entire two years she’d been with Dan, she’d never once seen him act this way.

“I’m not Dan. Why can’t anyone get that through their heads? Dan is not here. You forced him to retreat. You forced me to come out. You hurt him and that hurts me.” Evelyn stood her ground, giving up the very information the system swore to keep labeled top secret.

“If you are not Dan,” The Doctor started slowly, stopping herself mid sentence to jot a million things down on the notepad laid in her lap. “If you are not Dan then to whom do I have the pleasure of speaking?”

“I’m Evelyn and the pleasure is all yours.”

It took a few more sessions before Dan was officially diagnosed with DID, or Dissociative Identity disorder. His therapist brought it up a few sessions after the Evelyn outburst and suddenly things clicked for Dan. While it was a thrilling and relieving moment learning about what DID was and connecting the dots between the disorder and his own life, it was a short lived victory. Dan’s therapist decided that what would be best for Dan was moving on to a more qualified therapist, one who understood DID and could teach Dan how to work with his diagnosis.

While he wasn’t the biggest fan of Dr. Longburg, he had grown accustomed to seeing her. She was abandoning him. He was no longer good enough for her to treat.

While that day was one of his happiest, it was also the first and only time Dr. Longburg would see Kaleb, who did not take the news lightly.

Dan transitioned, but unlike what happened with Evelyn, he had no way of knowing what was happening in the outside world. He could only fill in by what his therapist and his parents told him.

His parents had to be called in, Dan’s father doing his best to restrain Kaleb in an attempt to calm him down. He kicked and screamed and tried his best to run away from the situation, but no one would let him.

After Kaleb calmed down enough for everyone to talk, Dr. Longburg calmly explained what was the cause of the outburst, what a transition was and what the game plan would be from there on out. They were reassured that what Dan had was a real disorder and that this was not to be mistaken as childhood imagination.

His new therapist wasn’t as nice as Dr. Longburg, but he was much more well versed in the issues Dan faced. Unlike his old sessions, his new ones were not based around recollecting his past trauma. Instead, he learned about his illness, why it occurred, how it works, and how it helps him.

For the first time in Dan’s life, he didn’t feel crazy when he talked about his alters. He didn’t feel like they were a dirty secret to hide. He described each in detail and Dr. Patterson compiled a list of their duties and personalities. They were able to pinpoint the reasons why each alter came out and Dan could begin to see a theme. By getting to know his alters and their roles, he could foresee a transition far sooner than he used to.

Evelyn was the protector. She grew up alongside him, aging at the same rate as Dan.  Any time Dan felt threatened by his environment, she would take over to protect the system from any harm. She was kind and outgoing. She knew how to soothe any ailments and how to make sure the system kept moving. She made sure the alters got along as well as they could, and Dan kept the body healthy.

Kaleb was the persecutor of the system and even though for most of the time Dan knew Kaleb he did not like him, he started to come around and see his strengths rather than the flaws. Kaleb was brash and outspoken. He loved to party and could smoke up to a pack a day. He was flirtatious and possibly had a mild obsession with sex. Kaleb was diagnosed with Depression while Dan had not been.

On top of learning about his alters and their purposes, he learned that keeping a set schedule and allowing each alter to have their time with the body was key to living as normal a life as he could. An entire month of sessions was dedicated to the co-consciousness Dan would sometimes experience and how he could use these moments to find out his alters’ hopes and dreams.

Collectively, with the aid of Dr. Petterson, Dan and his alters formed a halfway decent schedule that made time for each person.They would have a bedtime of 1am and wake up at 9am. Evelyn would be able to come out in the mornings, taking care of Dan’s medications and keeping order throughout the system. Kaleb could have a few nights to go out, getting a chance to be the social butterfly he was and blow off some steam in less destructive ways than before. And Dan was left to be Dan the rest of the time.

He started to keep a journal to help piece together the times he was in his head. The alters came up with a note leaving system as well. There was a white board hung in his room with different coloured magnets attached. Each colour was assigned to a different alter, black was Dan, blue was Kaleb and orange was Evelyn. They would leave notes to each other, filling them in on their responsibilities of the day and little tidbits to fill in the gaps. He wasn’t usually able to recall the times when his alters were out, but by asking those around him and making a detailed collection of the notes passed between, he was able to keep a level head.

Together the system found a way to work and it worked a long while until Max came along.

The day Dan turned twenty, Max made his debut. Dan decided on his twentieth birthday not to continue with his higher education. He reached a breaking point with the stress the workload put on not only him, but the rest of the alters.

Kaleb had never been a huge fan of education, if his first few months taking over Dan’s body was any indication. On nights when Dan had exams worth most of his grade to revise for, Kaleb would take the body and get close to blackout drunk. Dan would wake up in some random person's bed with a killer hangover. He was left to deal with the missed exam.

Evelyn also wasn’t taking kindly to University. Even though she was the most organized of the bunch, Dan relied on her more often than not to make it through the school week. The pressure got to her and it got to the point where even she didn’t want to get out of bed.

So on his birthday, after downing an entire bottle of wine, Dan sent in his resignation to the University. After hitting send, Dan floated away.

He woke up on a swing in the playground of his University's child development center. There was a man from campus security standing before him, demanding that he leave at once. Dan slowly stood up on his feet and the man followed alongside him as they walked out of the park.

“I just need a few more things to put in the report before I can let you go.” The officer said, taking out a pad of paper and jotting down a few things. “You said your name is Max and you just wanted to ‘play’. You also told me you were nine years old but we all know that’s a load of bullshit.”

The name Max pulled Dan from his daze and sobered him up. He’d never heard the name Max before, but with his track record, it wasn’t impossible.

After giving the man the correct information and doing his best to explain the situation, he was left to walk back to his flat on his own. He spent the rest of that night trying to figure out who Max was and why his brain felt the need to split for a third time.

Dan moved home shortly after his new alter made his appearance. Through the help of his parents’ insight and his therapist’s aid, he learned that Max was a child alter, a mere age of nine. He was a trauma-free alter, a way for Dan to let go of the stress in his life. He loved trains and days out at the park, and colouring books could occupy him for hours on end.

Back in his old room, he made a corner to put Max’s things in. There was a craft table and a growing collection of matchbox cars. Whenever his mum would go out shopping, she would almost always come home with some kind of toy for Max. She had taken an odd liking to the boy, taking care of him and keeping him safe at all times.

For a year Dan stayed at home, relearning how to handle having three alters living inside him. The schedule they had all grown fond of had to be changed and rearranged to fit Max’s needs in.

When Dan was 21, he felt like he had enough control over his life and his routine that he could make the jump out of his parents home and into his own flat. Sure, he’d lived on his own before, but that was just University housing and it hadn’t afforded his alters the freedom they deserved as well.

His biggest deterrent against moving out wasn’t the act of living on his own, but finding a job.

Although illegal to deny or fire someone for a mental illness, it wasn’t unlikely that it would happen. Dan had read plenty of stories of people who tried to be honest with employers and found themselves unemployed not a short time after. Or there was simply too many times where a person called off due to the dissociation, and they were fired.

After telling his parents that he wanted to be on his own, and after hours of reassuring his mother that he had things under control, they all kept an eye out for any possible job openings around.

His father, a set designer for a local tv network, had heard about an opening for an editing position in a publishing company that was frequently in touch with the network. At first, Dan didn’t think he had a shot considering he didn’t finish University and he didn't go for an English degree while he was there. Still, his parents insisted that he apply since the worst that would happen was a ‘no’, while the best outcome was a new job.

He found himself traveling north for an interview with the main branch in Manchester. His mum wanted to go with, but he declined her offer, feeling as though it would make him more nervous if his mother was waiting outside the building.

He went in with very low expectations, better to assume the worst than to hope for the best, but to his delight, he found the potential boss to actually like him.

The woman’s name was Cynthia Moss, department head of the third floor that dealt with editing and marketing. They got along well, Dan nailing every question she threw at him and even making her laugh a few times. He didn’t stumble or overthink until she asked why he decided to drop out of University.

With a deep breath, he explained.

While Dan knew the risks of being upfront with the employer about his life, and there was no legal reason for him to have to disclose it, it felt more comfortable telling his job to ensure he was getting the best possible accommodations that he needed. Not to mention he didn’t want to work for a company that didn’t value him as an employee just because he had a disadvantage.

He didn’t go into too much detail, choosing not to disclose what his illness was, but explained how he had it mostly under control save for the few days when unexpected occurrences arose.

He grit his teeth, fearing that the interview would come to a halt then and there, ready to give one last handshake and take his leave, but Cynthia didn’t even bat an eyelash.

No. She went on to explain how his salary would be significantly lower than if he had a degree and also told him that if hired, the company would help him to finish his schooling at whatever pace he wanted to take it at, if he so desired.

When he walked out of the building and rung his mother, he never thought he’d be able to hear the happiness in her voice when he told her he had a second interview the next day with the department  head and her boss.

A few months later, he was moving to Manchester. His editing job afforded him a two bedroom flat with which him and his alters could live comfortably. It took an entire weekend and a small truck to take everything he’d stockpiled over the years, but at the end he had a place to call his own.

Many people would come to ask why Dan rented a two bedroom flat when he was the only one living there, but he still didn’t understand how to explain that just because there was one body doesn’t mean there wasn’t 4 people collecting and storing stuff.

Dan opted for the smaller of the two rooms, instead choosing to put a curtain up in the middle of the bigger room, deeming one half Evelyn’s side and one half Kalebs. There they could store their own wardrobes, books, stuffed animals, movies, ect. Having their own separate space was important to each alter and, in turn, the system. While Dan’s room was a simple black and grey colour scheme with little toys and mementos scattered about, his alters were completely different from his personal taste.

Evelyns side was decked out in pretty flowers on the windowsill and posters of boy bands covering every square inch of the walls. Two large bookcases were overflowing next to a quiet little book nook area that was once the closet. There was plenty of lighting, several lamps and fairy lights making the space appear bright and open. An ipod was attached to a small speaker, allowing for music to softly play without being too overbearing on the ambiance.

Kaleb’s side was darker, as dark as it could be with a simple black out curtain separating him from Evelyn’s light. Heavy metal band posters were strung up haphazardly, and an impressive stereo system complete with a turntable was the staple piece of the room. Records and cd’s were scattered about, a bookshelf left nearly empty where they should be contained. An ashtray sat on the windowsill of his side because even though he knew there was no smoking allowed in the flat and Evelyn would yell at him nearly every time, Kaleb would be damned if he was taking the elevator down 17 flights just to have a quick smoke.

Because Max was a relatively new alter, Dan set up a playroom of sorts in the lounge rather than splitting the spare room into threes. Where a dining room table should go stood a complex toy train rail system. The rug on the floor, rather than a boring shade of black was one with roadways and buildings drawn on, the perfect area to play with matchbox cars. An end table was filled with arts and crafts supplies, colouring books and markers, paints, beads, glue, popsicle sticks, you name it. And tucked away in the corner was a small bookshelf filled with space magazines and education workbooks.

The four of them managed to make a life together. Learning how to make time for most of everyone’s needs and prioritizing Dan’s job above most else. As Evelyn would put it, if Dan isn’t able to go to work, no one in the system would be able to afford the life that allows each to have pieces of their inner world. Max didn’t want to starve to death, Kaleb didn’t want to imagine not being able to afford his alcohol, Evelyn didn’t want to attempt to deal with finances that had no incoming paychecks and Dan, Dan just wanted some semblance of independence. They made it work. Things were going just fine until one day, when Dan met someone who would eventually become very special to him.

Dan had spent most of his life believing his disorder would force him to spend his life alone. He didn’t talk to many people outside of his family and the few coworkers he liked. He didn’t know how to make friends as well as Evelyn or Kaleb seemed to. He kept to himself and played it off like that was how he liked it. How could he be lonely with 3 other people sharing his head? Really he’d just never found anyone he thought he could trust not to walk out with his secret in tow.

It had seemed like just another day. Dan sat at his desk reading over an outline for a new potential novel. He found himself reading the words without really reading, so in an attempt to give his mind a quick break, he happened to glanced up. Just at that moment, a man in a navy blue button down and striped tie walked past, headed towards the elevators. Dan was transfixed as he’d never seen the man before in the office. As much as he wanted to look away before the man could lock eyes with him, he could hear Kaleb pestering in his ear ‘just like two more seconds, just let me look for two more seconds’.

Those two seconds were worth it when the two men finally locked eyes. Dan could see piercing blue eyes, slightly drowned out by the uncomplimentary colour of the shirt, but the strands of black hair grazing the man’s forehead still allowed them to pop. Dan realized he had been caught staring, and in response, a deep blush crept across his cheeks. The elevator doors opened and the man stepped inside alongside the boss of the fourth floor. Just before the door closed and Dan retreated back to the safe haven of his computer screen, the man gave a soft smile to Dan which sent tingles through his entire body.

Dan didn’t see the man again at work for several days. He attempted to tell himself that he wasn’t actively looking, but Evelyn wasn’t afraid to call him out on his bullshit. Dan asked around to the few people he was semi-friendly with, attempting to learn anything about the man he saw for all of thirty seconds. No one could lend him any leads until the man suddenly reappeared on the floor one random day. Dan tried his best to appear nonchalant with his stares, but he wasn’t the most graceful man in the world.

Dan watched closely as the blue eyed babe walked over to one of his coworker’s computers and started to mess around with some software. In that moment, it was like every piece had placed together. The man took the elevator up to the top floor which held the IT department, which would explain why the department head was accompanying him. Most likely getting a tour of his new job and was just seeing where he would be working.

After that revelation, Dan tried to ‘break’ his computer quite regularly. He did stupid things like hide the taskbar or ‘delete’ the internet (aka move the chrome icon on the desktop into the trash bin). Everything he did was a simple fix, something his desk neighbour could just pop on and fix in a matter of seconds, not without reminding Dan that he should really learn better computer skills if he was to make his living with one. It got to the point where the alters were itching to come out just to nudge Dan into the man’s direction. While none of them particularly felt the way Dan did about this man, they could clearly see (or hear) how much Dan needed companionship.

This led to Kaleb, who never wanted to make an appearance at work simply because he hated the idea of working, to step forward and take the reigns. He walked into the break room to fill up Dan’s coffee mug, ignoring the few people who said hello to Dan along the way. He made his way back to Dan’s desk, but instead of sitting down, he pretended to trip over his own feet, something Dan would believably do, dropping the coffee all over the desk and consequently the computer.

Kaleb smiled at his work and retreated back to his inner world. Dan’s eyes glazed over and he swayed back and forth before finally coming to and looking at the mess before him. A string of curse words left his mouth, looking around in desperation for anything to mop up the spill with. The two people closest to him lept up from their seats and ran to the break room to grab some napkins. It was as Dan was doing his best to wipe up the spill that the computer screen turned a bright blue. He was fucked.

Someone else on the floor called IT and within minutes the dark haired man was on his knees, leaning under the desk to get a better look at the damage.

“I really don’t know what went wrong. I just. I’m such a clutz, I guess. I stumbled and just fell and, shit, I really can’t afford to replace this machine jesus fucking christ.” Dan started shaking, trying his best to calm down his breathing. He knew that when he started to feel panic, Evelyn would take over and that was really the last thing he wanted. Not when the man was finally in front of him.

“It’s fine. I doubt they’d make you pay for it. I’m pretty sure they’ve got insurance and stuff to cover small accidents like these. And if they don’t, just say there was something on the floor that you tripped on.” After fiddling with the wires, unplugging the computer, and waiting for it to boot back up, the man stood up and sat down in Dan’s desk chair. He spun around so that he could face Dan, and suddenly Dan’s nerves were slightly calmed, just by the man’s eyes.

“As someone who works in the IT department and has seen the feed from those security cameras, they wouldn’t know the difference.” The man seemed to catch himself on his words, taking a moment as if to consider changing the direction in which his ideas were flowing out. He pointed up to the nearest camera, shifting the gaze to the object instead. “That one is the only one near your desk and it doesn't have your desk in view. They couldn’t catch you in the lie.”

Dan had to admit that the knowledge made him feel somewhat safer, but he was never one to get away with a lie save for the lies due to his DID. The guilt would always eat away at him until Kaleb came out to tell the harsh truth. It made for a shitty time in secondary school when his parents would ask where he’d been all night and three days later he was grounded because ‘someone’ told that Dan had been at a party rather than studying late.

“While that seems tempting, I think I’d rather just pay for it. Keep a clean conscious and all.” A blush crept onto Dan’s cheeks knowing that he seemed a tad bit like an innocent child rather than an adult. Or perhaps too adult, like a stuck up adult who thought he was better for not being able to lie.

“Good choice. I don’t think I could do it myself.” The computer started making a whirring noise, catching the man’s attention away from Dan. He spun around and started to fiddle around with the machine. Dan tried to focus on the clacking on the keyboard rather than the demons in his mind. He needed to stay present.

The man messed around with the computer for at least ten minutes, Dan sitting idly by and hoping that he at least remembered to save the last of his work before his dissociation. He didn’t need to be reamed out for breaking a computer and missing a deadline.

“So I think the thing is pretty much fried.” Phil glanced over his shoulder to take a better look at Dan, subtly looking him up and down before continuing on. “If you wanna help me take it upstairs so I can see if there’s a way to fix it, I can loan you out a laptop in the meantime.”

The man started to unplug and disconnect the computer, glancing at Dan in an attempt to get some assistance. Together they managed to dismantle the computer and begin to carry it towards the elevators, Phil holding the tower and Dan with the screen and wires. It was a silent walk, but Dan’s mind was starting to go off the wire. He didn’t usually tend to have co-consciousness with this alters but this was unfortunately one of the moments the entire system decided they needed to speak.

“Dan don’t just stand there! At least ask his name or something. You’ve been trying to get this guys attention for weeks; just ask!” Evelyn's voice grated through the air followed by Kaleb who so graciously said, “Man even I’m excited about the prospect of this guy. Have you seen the man’s bulge? He’s gotta be packin and I haven’t gotten laid in weeks.”

Evelyn covered Max’s ears, reprimanding Kaleb for his brashness around the child. Max’s take on the situation was far more innocent.

“He’s gottsa panda pin, Danny! He’s gottsa panda pin! They’re my favourite ooh, do you think he likes trains? I wonder if he’d play trains with me like Evelyn does!”

All of the alters continued to talk at the same time, trying and failing to get their thoughts across and heard. Dan started to get a headache from all of the commotion and when the elevator opened, Dan quickly walked inside and instantly leaned against the cool metal wall. He tried to play it off like he was tired from carrying the nearly weightless computer screen, but his eyes scrunched up tight and his face began to lose its colour. It wasn’t long before the man happened to take notice.

“Hey. Hey man, are you okay?” Dan could only make out the soundwaves and couldn’t really grasp onto the words that were being thrown his way. The man sat the tower down on the ground and stood in front of Phil, starting to take the things from Dan’s hands. “Do you need to sit down or something? Not to sound harsh but you don’t look so good.”

The alters continued to talk, Kaleb and Evelyn now taking to fighting with each other over the content of Kaleb’s thoughts. Max was starting to cry, hating to see the closest thing he had to parents fighting. It became too much for Dan to handle and his eyes rolled into the back of his head. He registered that he started leaning forward into the man and the last thing he heard before leaving the conscious world was, “Hey, it’s Phil. Can you hear me? Focus on my voice. Stay with me okay? I got you.” Everything went dark with the name Phil ringing throughout his head.

Dan didn’t really know how to explain the times when he wasn’t in control. His mind felt like it was trapped in an unlocked house. It was like he could escape if he wanted to but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t come up with the energy to do so. Sometimes the house had fun things to do like a computer or some books. Lately it had a tv where he could see what appeared to be recaps of the life his alters were living while Dan was gone, even then his time away felt like a distant memory that rings a bell but doesn’t open up any doors of insight.

Dan relied on context clues and others’ stories to help piece together what happened in the time he was away. His mum used to keep a journal of the things Dan’s alters did and said to see if it would help jog Dan’s memory later. It never helped, but it did fill in Dan’s planner, used to keep track of lost time. Dan was used to waking up in strange places, lying next to strange people he wouldn’t normally touch with a ten foot pole. Once he even woke up in a completely different country. But by far the weirdest place he ever came to was a coffee shop with Phil walking towards him.

He glanced around, trying to find out anything about where he was, why he was there and how he got there. A look outside showed that it was bright out, meaning it had to have been around midday. The coffee shop was full of people, much more than would be there midday on a weekday. He frantically padded down his pockets trying to find where his phone was, but it wasn’t anywhere to be found. He hoped an alter just forgot to take it with and didn’t leave it behind somewhere.

“Are you okay?” Phil, who was holding two cups in his hands, put a coffee down and pushed it across the table to Dan. His eyes were crinkled slightly in confusion but a huge smile was plastered on his face nonetheless. He wasn’t dressed in his normal business casual attire that was required at the office. Instead he had on a fox jumper and glasses that framed his face.

Dan looked back and forth between Phil and the coffee before tentatively bringing it up to his lips. He took one sip and wanted nothing more than to spit it back out. There was far too much cream in it. It was sickeningly sweet instead of harsh with a hint of sugar. It was Evelyn’s go-to pick and already he could begin to understand what he was doing here.

Even if he tried his best to pretend that he loved the drink Phil handed him, the aftertaste left in his mouth was just a little too much to keep the look of disgust off of his face. He couldn’t help but feel responsible for the drop in Phil’s happy expression, choosing to take another sip and overdramatize his love of it.

“I can tell you don’t like it. I told them exactly what you said. Half cream and 4 sugars. Is it not sweet enough?” Dan started to laugh at Phil’s joke until he realized that it wasn’t a joke at all. He was actually concerned that the baristas didn’t put enough overkill sugar in his drink. Phil was already halfway out of his chair, gently reaching across to take the drink if need be.

“Oh no, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” Dan gave a small smile, really not wanting to burden Phil with any extra tasks. Not to mention, if he gave a completely different order to the one he held in his hands, Phil could get suspicious. “I don’t think it’s the drink. Maybe my body just isn’t feeling the sugar like I thought it would. It’s okay, though. It’s still good.” To highlight his point he took another sip, making sure to think pleasing thoughts as he did.

“If you say so, but I really don’t mind getting you what you want. There’s no use in drinking something you don’t like.” Phil sat back down in the chair and finally took a sip of his own coffee. Dan wanted to ask what Phil had ordered, wanted to know how he took his coffee, but didn’t, for fear that him and Evelyn already discussed that.

They sat in silence for a while, just calmingly taking sips of their drinks every so often. Dan was looking around, still trying to piece together the fragments of time, and Phil just kept his eyes trained on Dan. It was like he was trying to figure out a puzzle himself, and Dan didn’t want that. Phil was looking at him as if something was different in the air, suspicious already, so Dan put a stop to that as soon as he could.

“What day is it? I keep thinking it’s Thursday.” Dan broke the silence, trying to seem as though he just casually forgot the day rather than forgetting his existence for a short while. And it was true. The last Dan remembered it was a thursday afternoon and he was waiting on an elevator.

“It’s Sunday. I’d of thought you’d know that, considering you made sure we made plans after you went to church.” A soft chuckle escaped from Phil’s lips, but it was light and airy. No sign of hostility that Dan was looking for.

Church meant Evelyn had taken Max to sunday school. Usually Dan would wake up early on Sundays and walk to the church a few blocks from his flat. While all of the older alters and Dan considered themselves on some scale of agnostic, Max was a big believer in faith. Dan liked to think it was the remnants of the few memories he had of his grandmother taking him to church and then out for ice cream when he was younger.

“Oh yeah. Days seem to run together sometimes, you know. You ever have that, where you can’t remember if what you did that morning was really that morning?” Dan laughed off his explanation, knowing that was a thing that happened to all people, not just those with a mental illness. Phil had to have experienced that at least once in his life and it should be enough to keep him off Dan’s tracks for a little while.

“Yeah. I get what you mean. I actually got fired once because I didn’t show up to work. I still swear to this day that it was a Saturday but apparently doing a no call no show on the busiest friday morning is a huge no no.” Phil’s voice was soft and reminiscent. It was nice. Dan didn’t get to do that typically without an alter stepping forward. Many of the memories he had just weren’t his to have. “You don’t strike me as a church person. I never would have guessed that from the way you were talking last night about how the point of life is to have fun and not live in fear of the unknown.”

Dan’s body became rigid, stopping mid sip to take in the information. This wasn’t the first time him and Phil were seeing each other outside of work. How many other times had there been? Had it really only been three days or was it a week since he’d been out last? His longest streak was two and a half weeks, so it’s entirely possible. He tried to rack his brain for any ideas on what they could have done yesterday, but nothing came to mind and for once in his life, his mind was seemingly all to himself.

“Oh uh. Yeah I’m not too big on it, I guess. I like to go just to have a kind of routine? I used to go when I was younger and it’s just kinda stuck, in a way.” The excuse fell flat, not nearly as convincing as his earlier story, but he didn’t have much time to prepare one. He didn’t want Phil to think he was something he wasn’t, but any way he spun, it was a lie. Max may not be him, but it was still a part of him. A part of him Phil couldn’t know about.

“I get that, in a way. Like a habit you just can’t quite break. Can’t say I understand exactly why you picked church to be that habit, but I guess.” Phil’s eyes looked off to the side, trying to find the same meaning that Dan found, but in his own life. He must have come up short because the conversation was dropped.

They continued like that for a hour or so. Going back and forth with easy conversation, Dan making sure to steer clear of things he knew Evelyn or Kaleb would have talked about if they were there. There was only so many times a person could use the excuse that they had forgotten an entire conversation that just happened not even twenty four hours ago.

Even so, there were topics Dan took risks on. He wanted to know who Phil was, and in order to find out, he needed to ask. He asked about Phil’s upbringing and his home. Where he went to school and what his degree was in. How old Phil even was and if he had any siblings. Did he live alone and did he live nearby? He took the risk and asked the pressing questions he was dying to know, and it seemed that his alters left him the getting to know you questions. After all, knowing Phil was more important to Dan than anyone else in the system, so it was only fair he got to know that information first hand.

Dan learned that Phil was 28. He grew up not far outside of Manchester and he had one older brother named Martyn. His parents were lovely people who used to pester Phil about what he was doing with his life, so Phil made it his mission to move out as soon as he was finished with University.

Unlike Dan, who was a college dropout, Phil had three degrees. He couldn’t make up his mind on what he wanted to study, so he just kept going back for new things. He had an english degree and was only a few classes short of being able to get his teaching license. After he finished school, he went back for post production, hoping to maybe get a job with some big movie studio. When that dream came to a staggering halt, Phil went back to school for a third and final time to get a degree in something akin to computer science, but less complicated.

As Phil talked about himself, Dan felt like the dirt under Phil’s shoe in comparison. But it wasn’t a normal feeling like scum he typically had. He wasn’t jealous or envious of Phil’s life. In a weird way, he was proud. If anyone deserved to be happy and successful, it was Phil. Dan was lucky to just be a blip on the man’s radar.

For once in his life, Dan felt pleasantly normal. To any outsider, Dan and Phil looked like two friends who were just hanging out. They were having normal conversations about normal topics and his mind was just his normal thoughts. As much as he wanted to be ‘normal’, he couldn’t help but be thankful that he had his alters. If they weren’t there to watch out for him, who knows if he would have even that time with Phil.

After that pleasant coffee outing, Dan found himself hanging out with Phil more often than not. For the first few weeks, he was terrified of asking Phil to go anywhere or do anything, choosing to have Phil or Evelyn make the first move.

They would go shopping together, a movie here or there, Phil would show Dan all the best tourist spots since he’d grown up in the city. Any time they were together they were either at work, out in public, or in Phil’s small studio apartment, but Dan always made sure they never went back to his flat.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want Phil to see where he lived or that he liked to make it difficult on himself and always be the one to walk home late in the night when he was tired, it was just a lot of work to get his apartment ‘company ready’.

Because his flat looked as if a child lived there (because one did), an unknowing outsider to his illness would grow suspicious at the state of his lounge. In order for someone who didn’t know of Dan’s DID to come over, he had to spend a few hours putting things away.

All of Max’s toys and books had to be placed in various locking closets around the flat. The bigger toys like the trainset and the rug were tossed into the corner of Dan’s room, typically covered with a blanket or just the mess of his room would disguise it well enough. If anyone saw a child’s toy, Dan would just act as though he was holding on to his childhood toys for the day he had his own children.

The kitchen was a whole separate area of items to hide, but with an easier excuse if he got lazy. There were children’s plastic plates, cups, bowls and small plastic utensils. He’d generally place them all in a box and stick them in the highest cupboard. If anyone happened to get on a stepstool and open the obnoxiously high cabinet to find his boxes, his response was he found them easier to use when drunk.

On a good day, it could take Dan a solid hour to move everything around, but that also meant dealing with his alters. They were never particularly happy to have their stuff messed with or without their permission. Every time he picked up something that wasn’t his, he’d have to explain what he was doing, where he was putting it, how long it would be there, and in Kaleb’s case, will I be compensated in beer?

So because of this process, Dan would always steer clear of the idea of going back to his flat. If Phil would ask, he’d come up with an excuse that the heating was broken or the place was a mess or his parents were in town.

The thing about excuses is that they only last for so long.

One day, Dan had decided to work from home because Kaleb stayed out a little later than usual the night before leaving him nearly drained of all energy and a killer headache to match. He’d gotten up around 11 and made himself coffee with a piece of toast. When he finally sat down at his laptop to begin his work, his phone started to ring.

Figuring it was his mother calling to ask if he was feeling better, he didn’t bother turning the phone over to look at the number. The phone stopped ringing and he opened up his email, looking for the specific chapter he was meant to have done by tomorrow. He didn’t get through the first line when his phone rang for a second time.

He picked it up, not taking his eyes off of the screen and put the phone up to his ear.

“Yes Mom I’m fine. I’m not gonna text you any more updates on my life if this is how you’ll react every time Kaleb does something stupid.” His eyes continued to read the words on the screen believing that if he just kept looking at them he could trick himself into multitasking efficiently.

“And Kaleb would be?” Phil’s voice echoed through Dan’s head and he nearly dropped the phone onto the floor.

‘Nice work jackass. Why would your Mommy care about what I do?’

“He’s uh- he’s,” Dan racked his brain for an excuse. A cousin? No, he told Phil he only had one cousin whom is definitely not named Kaleb. A Neighbour? No, Phil knew that Dan hadn’t talked to a single person in his building. “He’s a guy who stays with me from time to time. He got kinda drunk last night and we were out really late so.”

“Right.” Phil didn’t sounds all too convinced, but it wasn’t a very convincing lie to begin with. “I thought you said you were sick last night and that’s why we couldn’t hang out.”

Dan’s head hit the desk in front of him with a thud and it took everything he had not to scream into the phone. The headache was throwing him off, distorting his capability to think rationally. He’d blame it on Kaleb for getting so drunk that he forgot to leave a note informing Dan that Phil had called to hang out.

“Uh. Yeah. I was sick but uh, Kaleb he’s a very persistent guy.” The phone was silent for an extended amount of time after Dan spoke. He almost believed that Phil had hung up on him, not that he would blame him really.

Getting caught in a lie always made Dan really anxious. It wasn’t just the idea that the person would think he didn’t care enough about them to tell the truth. Every lie was a clue and if someone caught on to enough of them, they could discover the underlying truth.

“So is he like, your boyfriend or something?” Phil asked, voice doleful and melancholy.

“No! God no!” Dan was quick to defend. The last thing he wanted was for Phil to believe he already had someone else in his life, that there wasn’t room for Phil. He tried to keep his crush on Phil at bay simply because the possibility that anything between them could happen was almost rock bottom, he didn’t want to do anything to hurt his already miniscule chances. “Not only is that an impossible relationship, but it’s also really weird. Kaleb is not my kind of person.”

“And yet you go to bars with him?” Phil was confused, that much was easy to tell. Dan wanted to make it easier to understand, to clear the subject and move on from it, but he wasn’t sure how.

“I wouldn’t say I willingly go. It’s just kind of a thing that happens. It’s hard to explain.” Dan sighed, his hand going up to the back of his neck and giving a gentle massage. It wasn’t a cure for his anxiety, but it was a help. “Can we just like, not talk about this? What’s going on? How’s work?”

“Work is terrible.” Phil’s voice didn’t sound any happier, the subject change only seeming to make it go from bad to worse. “Markus is being a complete dick today. He handed me a huge list of things to do and demanded they be done by the end of the day. I just don’t understand how someone who has zero experience in IT gets to be the manager of the IT department. Even so, anyone with half a brain would realize that it’s highly unlikely one person could install software on 80 individual computers in 7 hours. That’s like, five minutes per computer with no break.”

Dan wanted to laugh, not because the situation was funny but because he knew it all too well. The manager of the editing department was promoted from sales, so he was frequently hit with hard deadlines and feats no one human could accomplish. He refrained from laughing given the tone of the entire conversation they’d been having, chosing to go with sympathy instead.

“That fucking sucks. At least you’re getting a lunch this time. Remember when the district manager came for a visit and they were working you around the clock?”

“Yeah those few days were the worst. I only got to see you for all of five minutes in four days. Hardest four days of my life.” Phil’s voice was starting to get its life back, slowly forgetting about anything Kaleb related.

“Trust me, seeing you that stressed out was not the highlight of my life either. “ Dan cracked a smile, assuming that Phil meant the work but allowing himself to believe for a sliver of a second that the lack of communication with Dan made that week hard. “That’s why I stayed so late that night that I ended up crashing on your couch. Clearly bad things happen when we go too long without seeing each other.”

“Do you think I could come over after work? I just really don’t want to go to my empty flat and wallow.” Phil asked apprehensively.

Dan opened his mouth, but no excuse came out.

“Of course.”

After that day, Phil came over to Dan’s place more often. They ended up spending more time at Dan’s than Phil’s which was a huge achievement on Dan’s part. He liked having Phil over, it showed Phil a little more about his life, allowed him to gain just a little more trust.

The alters also got on board with a new schedule when Phil was coming over. If one was out when plans with Phil were made, that alter would put all of Max’s things away and lock the spare room. A note would usually be left for Dan saying that Phil was coming over that day or that he had been there. Having Phil over almost became second nature to them all, finding a way to enjoy Phil’s company and welcoming the change in pace.

But that didn’t always mean things ran smoothly and sometimes accidents happened.

Kaleb was always a night owl, even more so than Dan. He could stay out all hours of the night, drinking until the sun came up. He had a few select pubs and clubs he liked to frequent, especially when he was looking for a quick hook up.

He typically dominated Friday nights. He wasn’t ‘allowed’ to go out partying during the work week, not that he always listened, so as soon as Dan was home from work on friday afternoons, Kaleb was out and ready to go.

He’d hop in the shower almost immediately after he was in control, needing to get the stench of corporate greed off his body. After getting out, he’d go to his room in his towel, turn his stereo as high up as it could go, and sit by his window. A master of his craft, he’d have a blunt rolled and lit in under two minutes. It was the perfect way to start off the night.

Once he was properly high, he’d set about actually getting ready. While Dan was more into the black skinny jeans that showed off every inch of his body, Kaleb was more into dark blue and green skinny jeans that cut off at the knee. His t-shirts were almost all the same, some obscure heavy metal band that no one could possibly have heard of.

He prefered his hair to be up in a quiff. In his inner world he had short blonde hair, so getting Dan’s fringe out of the way was usually his first instinct. He’d go through half a can of hairspray before he was happy with the result.

Kaleb was a fan of makeup, particularly mascara as it made his eye’s pop. His sole goal of going out was to get laid so accentuating his best features was key to achieving that. With a small amount of eyeliner and some blush on his cheeks to give him more colour, he deemed himself good enough to go out.

Kaleb and Evelyn both had their own friends whom they would hang out with when they were out. Kaleb pulled out his phone and started texting his normal group of friends telling them to meet him at their local pub. He took one last look in the mirror before he was out the door for the night.

A high tolerance for alcohol, something Dan did not have, meant that kaleb was fisting drinks left and right all night. He was downing shot after shot in hopes that the next one would get him drunk enough to feel like himself and not the man whose body he occupied.

He didn’t start talking to strangers until well into the night. He wasn’t one for conversation and he didn’t want to end his night early even if that meant he was headed home with someone. But by the time three am rolled around and he was striking out left and right, he decided to call it a night and head home.

That didn’t stop him from continuing to try to get laid.

When he arrived back at the flat, he pulled a beer out of the fridge and flopped down on the couch. He scrolled through his phone, looking at all of the names in it in an attempt to find a fuck buddy for the night. No one caught his eye until he saw Phil.

It was a risky move considering Phil was off limits. Dan was practically head over heels in love with the guy, but lowered inhibitions threw rational thought out of the window and before he knew it, he was opening up his messages.

‘Hey buttercup. You still awake?’ Kaleb was the only one who called Phil ‘buttercup’. Dan absolutely loathed the nickname, but Kaleb found it flirty. Phil found it cute, returning with an equally gross nickname as a response most of the time.

He didn’t really expect a reply considering it was well into the middle of the night, but when his phone went off a minute later, he was instantly grabbing for it.

‘Sadly. :(  I’ve been trying to sleep for hours but it’s just not my night I guess. What’s up, love bug?’

‘I’m booorreeed. Come play with me. ;)’ It took everything Kaleb had not to come out and just say ‘fuck me’.

While Kaleb wasn’t big on Phil’s personality, he wouldn’t lie and say Phil was unattractive. He spent countless nights imagining getting Phil to sleep with him, to fuck him hard into the mattress. That was his biggest motivation for being on board with everything related to Phil. If Dan could get Phil, that would mean he could too. He wouldn’t have to go out as often in pursuit of a stranger to fuck. He could have someone on call whenever he wanted.

‘Come play with you? Are you the twins from the shining or something? Lol’

Kaleb groaned. Leave it to Phil to completely miss the point. His patience was growing thin. In an attempt to calm himself down, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his pack of cigarettes and a lighter. There was only one left and he cursed himself for not thinking ahead.

‘No, but I could be if you want me to. I can be whatever you like.’

He put the last cigarette to his lips, ignoring Evelyn's complaints that he was smoking in the living room, and lit it as quickly as he could. Just as he took in his first inhale, he got a text.

‘I like you just the way you are, Dan. I wouldn’t want you to be anyone else. Are you drunk? Haha’

Kaleb rolled his eyes, almost regretting even reaching out to Phil. If the boy could just keep his mouth closed and his pants off, he might be in better standings.

‘Maaybe but that doesn’t change anything. Just come over. I promise we’ll have a good time.’

‘I think you should get some sleep. Before you say some things that you might regret and before I do some things I might regret.’

Regret? No one ever regret a night with Kaleb. That was more Dan’s speed, but Kaleb? He could rock Phil’s entire world, leave him speechless for days.

‘Do something you’ll regret? That must mean there’s something you’re wanting to do but are afraid to. I won’t regret anything and I know I can make you feel like same. Just come over and let me help you enjoy yourself.’

Nearing the end of his cigarette and already desperate for a second one, he quickly doubled texted.

‘And bring me a pack of cigarette, I’ve run out. I like a nice smoke after I give someone a good time.’

‘A good time huh? That does sound appealing’ Phil replied quickier than Kaleb thought, almost as if Phil was reacting on his first instinct instead of thought. He felt like he had it in the bag. He had Phil in the palm of his hand, he had to. He was in the middle of a reply back, a raunchy text to seal the deal when Phil texted again.

‘How about I stop by tomorrow. We can spend the day together when you’re sober and we can see what happens. There's hopefully plenty of nights in the future.’

‘Or you could just come over tonight and stay until the morning.’ He knew it was a lost cause, but he had to give it one last try. He was so horny and in need of a release.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Dan. Good night.’

In a fit of drunk anger, Kaleb threw the phone onto the other side of the cough, resigning himself to a wank before bed.

He came with Phil’s lips on his mind and he promised himself he’d get Phil. If the boy was interested, he was happy.

The blaring generic ringtone catapulted Dan from his dream and he sleepily ran his hand around in an attempt to find it. He took one look at the name calling and bolted up in his bed. He cleared his throat a few times, trying to knock out the sound of sleep before sliding the green bar over to answer it.

“Hello?” Dan’s voice was soft and even just with one word it was evident that he was sleeping not two minutes ago. He took the phone away from his ear and turned speakerphone on, racing to open up his messages and see if there was something he missed.

“Hey. Did I wake you? I was just calling cause last night you asked me to pick you up a pack of cigarettes on my way over, but you never told me what kind. Also did you want any snacks or anything? I got some crisps but I wasn’t sure what else you might like.” There was a rustling of bags in the background and a booming incoherent voice over an intercom. Phil was already in the store and Dan had to think on his feet.

Dan groaned just before finally opening his messages. He didn’t even have to read them to know that Kaleb had been the one to invite Phil over judging from the time of the last message. As he scrolled through them, he was getting secondhand embarrassment from the outright sexual messages Kaleb was sending, but what was even more shocking was that Phil had been sending them back.

Dan silently cursed Kaleb and his lazy ass for not going out to buy his own cigarettes. Dan didn’t want Phil to think of him as a smoker. He hated smokers.

“Yeah. Um. I think.” He tried to rack his brain, attempting to remember just what Kaleb smoked. As much as he wanted to tell Phil to just forget the request, he knew Kaleb would be furious. A furious Kaleb was a recipe for disaster. “I think it’s just a pack of Black American Spirits. And I’m fine with whatever snacks. We could also just order a shitload of pizza or something.”

“You think? You don’t even know for certain what you smoke?” Another one of Phil’s signature chuckles came through the receiver and Dan flinched. He should have been more on the ball but knocking off sleep wasn’t helping his already lacking memory. “You must be really tired. You never cease to amaze me, Howell. I’ll be over in about ten minutes or so. Just gotta grab a few more things and I’ll be over.”

Dan stuttered out some nonsensical goodbye before ending the call. He quickly read through as many messages as he could before remembering that he hadn’t showered yet and the lounge was covered in children’s toys. There was no way he could possibly cover for that without appearing as though he was a father or he was into some really weird shit.

He lept out of bed, powering through the headrush that overcame him. He went straight for the lounge, grabbing as much of Max’s stuff as he could and dragging it down into Evelyn and Kaleb’s room.

“Hey why are you moving my stuff! That’s not where that goes!” Max said in a pout.

“That’s my room you fuck, don’t put his stupid shit in there. We all agreed my side of the room was off limits,” Kaleb’s voice followed almost immediately after.

The alters went back and forth, telling Dan every instance of how they weren’t okay with what he was doing until Dan finished. He grabbed a key out of his own bedside drawer and locked up the spare room. There was no way in hell Phil was going to see that room.

The alters were all still complaining. Dan had messed up their spaces and they weren’t afraid to let him know he was in the wrong. Dan tried to power through without commenting, running to quickly change and spray himself with deodorant to hide the fact that he hadn’t had a shower. Soon it became too much. He was doing another once over in the lounge, making sure he got everything when Max started to cry and Dan lost it.

“Listen. I get it. Your shit is out of sorts and you’re mad at me but can you please just shut the fuck up while Phil is here? I’ll move everything back when he’s gone and you can bitch and complain and put it back in the right spots later, but you all know that we need to keep this shit under wraps. If he finds out…” Dan trails off as a soft knock can be heard at the door. Dan doesn’t even finish the rest of his thought, leaving it up to the alters to figure out the rest. Instead he heads over to the door and takes a tentative look out of the peephole to see Phil standing sheepishly with two shopping bags in his hands.

Dan takes a deep breath, saying a silent prayer to no one that Phil didn’t hear any of the outburst, and opens the door with a wide grin on his face.

“Hey. I didn’t buzz you in. How’d you even get in? Dan asked, trying not to sound accusatory, but coming off somewhat standoffish. He moved back and opened the door a little wider, making room for Phil to walk into the flat. While he knew that everything was packed away, he couldn’t help but be on edge. His secret felt like it was teetering on a cliffside.

“Someone held the door open for me since I was carrying stuff. I guess if you’re holding enough stuff you can get in just about anywhere.” Phil’s cheeks tinted a noticeable pink compared to the rest of his complexion as he walked towards the small kitchen. Dan couldn’t help but wonder if he was still thinking about those texts, if he was coming over to see if anything would happen between them.

Phil put the bags down and started to unpack them while Dan got out a few bowls to put the snacks in so they could be handy. Once everything was out, Phil pulled a pack of American Spirits out of his jacket pocket and handed them out to Dan.

“I hope these are the correct ones. I’m not a smoker so I don’t really know the difference.” Phil gave a soft smile as their hands gently touched one another's. Dan wasn’t one for the idea of sparks and all that, but he was certain he felt tingles in all the places his skin touched Phil’s. “We can head down so you can have one if you want. I know last night you said you were out of them.”

Dan couldn’t help but feel warm as Phil offered to go downstairs with him albeit thankful that he left out the part where Kaleb mentioned having a smoke after sex. It was sweet that he wanted to make sure Dan got what he wanted, even if it wasn’t the healthiest for him. Most people would comment that he should quit or explain to him how it was a terrible habit to have, and Dan would just have to grit his teeth and bear through, considering he believed every word they said anyway. But having his alters came with a price, and being labeled a smoker wasn’t the worst he could be dealt.

“No. It’s fine.” Dan politely shook his hand and opened up a drawer to place the pack into. He was hoping that  Kaleb was able to see and remember where they were being placed for when he came out later. “I’m really not much of a smoker. Just when I’m drunk. And occasionally when my emotions are really intense. I actually don’t really like smoking too much.”

As Dan closed the drawer closed, he turned his attention back to the bowls of snacks and started to pick them up, hoping to put an end to the conversation. The less he had to talk about his lost time, the less lies he had to remember.

“Ah. I was that way in Uni.” Phil took Dan’s lead and picked up the remaining snacks as he followed Dan into the lounge. He very clearly didn’t pick up the hint that Dan didn’t want to continue talking about this, but Phil so obviously wanted Dan to think he was okay with it, even if he wasn’t. “I used to bum off my friends when we would go out on the weekends and sometimes when I had a really rough paper due, I would just give in and ask my flatmate for one.”

“Yeah. I don’t even remember smoking last night. Really I don’t remember much at all. One moment I was at the bar and the next you were calling saying you were on your way over.” Dan powered through the want building up inside him. He wanted to play along with Kaleb’s game, wanted Phil to think he wanted him like that, but that wasn’t Dan.

“Oh.” Was all Phil said, disappointment flowing through his body language.

Dan decided to just drop the conversation, not wanting to question Phil’s tone. It didn’t feel right. Instead, they silently put the bowls down on the coffee table, arranging them in a way that they could still put their feet up on it if they wanted to. While Phil sat down on the couch, Dan started to rummage around with his game consoles. By this point he didn’t even have to ask Phil what he wanted to play, as they pretty much did the same thing every time.  

Dan tossed Phil a controller and walked back over to the couch, ready to get comfortable next to Phil. As the game started to boot up, Dan plopped down on the cushion next to Phil, not quite touching like Kaleb would and not light years apart like Evelyn.

Once they were both in position, feet up on the table, bowl of crisps between them, and the start screen on, they fell into their routine.

Dan always loved the silence that lingered between them. He never believed that a sign of a good relationship was when you could sit in comfortable silence together, but Phil had just blown every preconceived notion out of the park when he walked into his life. Still, the question burned in the back of his mind. He needed to know if Phil was really okay with Kaleb’s habits. He needed to know if there was hope.

“Do you hate smokers?”

Dan watched Phil’s long fingers as they carefully paused the game. Phil took his feet off of the table and turned his body so he was facing Dan completely. Under Phil’s gaze, Dan wanted to retreat and look away but found he was stuck in a trance. He couldn’t shy away, he had to face what he started.

“Why would you think that?” Phil’s eyes wrinkled, concern etching the entirety of his face. It sent a pang through Dan’s chest, like he’d done something wrong, like he’d broken Phil’s trust. He knew that wasn’t true, but that didn’t stop himself from breaking down inside.

“I don’t know.” Dan mumbled, suddenly not in the mood to finish the conversation he’d forced them to have. “Just, most people do and I’ve had countless people who have said they couldn’t be around me cause I smoke sometimes. And I get it cause I don’t even like smoke, but just like. I don’t know. It’s still a shitty feeling I guess, people walking out for something I can’t really help.”

Dan hoped that Phil wouldn’t rebuttal that. He’d hoped that Phil wouldn’t ask how it couldn’t be helped when it was a conscious choice to most. He didn’t know if he had it in him to give another lie to the man sat in front of him.

“Of course I don’t hate smokers. It’s an addiction and it’s not my place to say one way or another what anyone does with their body.” Phil tentatively reached his hand out and rested it on top of Dan’s. That stupid spark could be felt again. “I would never judge you, Dan. Everyone has parts of themselves they don’t like. Everyone has parts of themselves they want to keep hidden. I’m not gonna leave you because you do something I don’t. I like you, habits and all. You shouldn’t feel like you have to hide them.”

And while Phil didn’t know exactly the extent of the meaning in his words, Dan felt a little more at ease with their arrangement.

They spent the rest of the day relaxing, switching easily from Smash Bros, to Phil watching Dan play Skyrim, to watching disgustingly cheesy rom coms. By the end of the night, the snacks were almost completely gone and there were two empty pizza boxes tossed onto the floor.

While Dan wanted Phil to stay the night, he felt it was still too soon. They’d only been hanging out for a couple of weeks, and that was more Kaleb’s expertise anyway. Not to mention the locked room that had to be unpacked before his alters told him off.

As the day started to end and the two boys collectively began to clean up the lounge together, a bright light emanated from the sky outside the window.

“Shoot. I think it’s gonna start storming soon. I should head home before it hits.” Phil made his way over to the window, starting to count the time between the lightning and the distamt noise it made. Dan would have recognized what he was doing, trying to see how far away the storm was, but his anxiety was starting to increase.

Dan hated storms. They were one of his biggest fears. But the problem with storms wasn’t the storm itself, it was with Max. The loudness and bright flashes tended to scare Max so much that he was ultimately forced forward, having to be the one to deal with it on his own. Dan still didn’t understand why that happened since Max was more afraid than Dan, but it did.

Dan started to quicken his pace, trying to clean up and get Phil out faster. While he knew that Phil had been with him when his alters were out, he didn’t really see him transition save for that first time at the coffee shop. Max would be so afraid that there was no way he would be able to focus on pretending to be Dan. Part of his secret would start to fall.

“Well you best be on your way then. Thanks so much for st-” A crash of thunder stopped Dan mid sentence and the colour drained from his face. He put his arm around Phil’s back and began a quicken walked towards the door. “For stopping by. I’ll see you soon; tomorrow maybe? Of course, tomorrow I’ll see you at work. Obviously. But yeah, thanks. It was fun.”

Dan didn’t even care at this moment if he came off as rude. He needed Phil out and he was hoping he would take the hint. Thankfully for once, Phil did.

“Yeah. I’ll see you later. Have a good night.” Phil grabbed his coat on the way, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his keys before opening the door.

“Text me when you get home safe. It’s late and it’s the city and it’s raining. I don’t want to hear about you on the news.” Dan watched as Phil walked out of the door and into the hall. Rather than closing the door on him, he walked out and embraced Phil in a quick hug. Some simple reassurance before he was left alone for the night.

It wasn’t too much longer after Dan closed the door that he started feeling dizzy. He tried to hold on just a bit longer, wanting to at least unlock the spare room before Max came out, but he didn’t have enough time.

One of the best things about Max was that he was the easiest to have co-consciousness with. Dan could usually see and hear the things Max could, making it a bit easier to remember those lost hours. This was particularly common when Max was in high levels of distress.

As the storm grew louder, Max bolted down the hallway to the spare room, pulling as hard as he could on the knob that wouldn’t budge.

The key.

He checked his pockets, the drawers in the kitchen, Dan’s set of keys on the hook by the door. He tentatively opened up Dan’s room and checked in the closet, on his end tables, and even the bed. It was nowhere to be found.

With another loud crash the power went out and Max went into a frenzy. While he was trauma free, he was still a rather anxious child, and feeling trapped in the dark during the middle of a storm was not his idea of a pleasant outing.

With shaking hands, he pulled out Dan’s phone and opened it to Phil’s contact information. Without a second thought, he put the receiver up to his ear and started to pace around the room.

“Dan? Are you okay?” Phil’s voice came albeit a tad muffled as the sound of heavy rain was drowning out most other sounds.

“N-no. Could you come b-back please?” Max could feel himself starting to cry and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He was a big boy, he was too old to cry. Or so he thought.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. I’m not too far away, I’ll be right there.” The sound of wind could be heard and Phil’s breath started to quicken; he was running.

“Could you stop and get a colouring book or something? I-I need a distraction.” Max turned out of Dan’s room and into the kitchen. Looking through all the drawers he could get his hands on, no candles could be found anywhere. Just a simple lighter that was tucked away with Kaleb’s things. “Maybe a torch or some candles or something. The power's out. It’s dark.”

“Anything. I think there’s a shop still open on the next block over. Just give me a couple minutes and I’ll be there. Stay calm, take some deep breaths. You’ll be alright.”

Max hung up after promising Phil that he would do as he said and he ran to Dan’s room to get all of the blankets and pillows that he could find. If he couldn’t brave the dark and storm, a fort sure could help.

He set to work, moving the furniture around so he could use the back of the sofas as walls and drape the blankets across them. He had one going over the top like a roof and two draping down either side to enclose the fort. He filled the inside with a blanket base and six pillows that he had found. He wrapped himself up in a small galaxy blanket that he liked to cuddle with and was all set to hide away in his fort when the buzzer rang.

It nearly scared him to the point where he was frozen, but he remembered quickly that the buzzer meant Phil and Phil meant not having to brave the storm alone.

He dashed off to the front door and pressed the button to let Phil into the building. It was only a matter of time before there was a soft knock at the door and Max was swinging it open, jumping into Phil’s arms before the man could even step inside.

“It’s okay. I got you. It’s just a storm, I won’t let it hurt you.” Phil dropped the bag from his second shop run on the ground beside them and he wrapped his arms around Max’s frame. He ran his arms up and down Max’s body, doing what little he could to soothe the boy.

Eventually Max let go, feeling vulnerable with the door to Dan’s flat open. He picked the bag up off the ground before Phil could bend down to grab it and he went straight for the fort in his lounge.

Phil followed in behind and watched as Dan’s body retreated into the dark of the flat, pulling up of of the blanket walls in order to crawl inside.

Max quickly sat down and got to work pulling out the torches and bringing light back into the flat. It was a small comfort that he missed dearly. Next he went for the colouring book, seeing that Phil sprung for the 64 pack of crayons with the sharpener.

“Could I come in?” A voice sounded from outside the fort, bringing Max out of his thoughts.

Rather than answer with words he just pulled the blanket aside so Phil could settle in alongside him.

They didn’t talk. Rather, Phil leaned up against the back of the couch and Max settled in between his legs, resting his head back on Phil’s chest. He had a blanket pulled up over them, making sure that Phil tucked it behind himself so Max was as snug as a bug. His knees were pulled up, allowing the colouring book to rest on his legs as Phil held a torch at its pages.

They stayed like that for the rest of the night. The only movement between them being the scribble of Max’s crayon’s against paper and the occasional physical reassurance Phil gave any time a particularly loud clap of thunder happened.

Dan woke up the next morning with a kink in his neck and a large, blunt object digging into his side. He groaned and wriggled around slightly to pull a small torch out from under his body. He looked around, trying to get his bearings on the situation.

The back of one of his couches was in front of him and he was surrounded by pillows. He was laid on the floor, a mixture of battery operated lights and crayons scattered around the area. He went to sit up when he noticed the arm wrapped around his midsection.

He found himself muttering ‘please be phil, please be phil’ as he cocked his head back to look over his shoulder. There, sleeping peacefully, black strands of hair falling into his eyes, was Phil.

Normally this is when Dan would start freaking out. When he would question what had happened and how he could best escape, but he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to move. He wanted to be selfish and stay in Phil’s embrace. He craved the affection of the man who stayed with his alter, kept him safe while he coloured. He had never wanted anything more.

So he stayed put. He turned over and buried his face into Phil’s chest. His left arm went around Phil’s waist and his hand held tight onto the man’s shirt. He could feign sleep if he needed to, but in that moment he really didn’t care.

Sometime after Dan was woken up again to a blaring noise coming from somewhere in the fort. He could feel Phil start to move around, doing his best not to move Dan too much as he reached to turn off his phone’s alarm. Once the ringing stopped, Phil pulled Dan closer, placing a gentle kiss to the younger’s hair. Dan hoped that he wasn’t the only one with a strong desire to stay in the warm embrace.

It was a peaceful moment but short lived nonetheless.

“Dan. We have to start getting ready for work.” Phil’s voice was low and full of sleep, exactly how Dan imagined it would be, not that he spent a lot of time thinking about how Phil would sound in the mornings.

Phil’s hand started running through Dan’s hair, picking up a few stray curls and gently letting them fall back into place. If Dan hadn’t been thinking about calling out before, it certainly was running through his mind like wildfire now.

“Dan. Come on. Up up. Go get in the shower and I’ll make us some breakfast.” Phil cooed, starting to pull himself apart from Dan’s body.

“I really don’t want to. You shower first, I’ll sleep.” Dan mumbled barely coherent words as he buried his face deeper into Phil’s chest. He’d be damned if he was getting up right now, now when Phil was embodying all of his senses at once; it was nearly heaven.

“I can’t shower here. I have no clothes to change into. Also I need to go home to get my glasses anyway.” Dan rolled back to look up at Phil. His eyes were red and puffy and he was rocking full on bedhead. “I slept with my contacts in which is never good.”

Even though he didn’t want to, he sat up, his head hitting straight into the blanket ceiling. His arms reached up in an attempt to stretch, but the entire fort came crashing down instead. Laughter bounded through the room and Dan did his best to push the blanket off of their heads.

“Shut up.” Dan mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before aiming to stretch once again. “If I didn’t break the fort, I would have resigned myself to staying in it all day so I guess dumb luck.”

Phil’s laughter didn’t cease, rather turning into a low, hearty chuckle. This resulted in Dan giving Phil a playful shove and standing up in case Phil retaliated.

Once he was up, he took the time to look around for his phone, knowing that it would most likely need a quick charge before heading into work. He’d be damned if he would leave the house without it.

He found it on the ground just outside the fort and picked it up. Before walking back towards his room, he picked up Phil’s as well.

“You go ahead and shower; I can loan you some clothes. I mainly own black so you’re gonna look a bit off for the day, but it should be fine.” As Dan headed down the hallway towards his room, his voice got softer and softer. He’d imagined Phil in his clothes multiple times and the reality of it was exciting.

“Hey at the very least it will give people in the office something new to speculate about!” Phil yelled from the other room.

Rifling through a box in his closet, he came across his spare charger. He plugged it in next to his charger by the bedside table and left the phones there. Phil’s phone screen came to life as it was plugged in, indicating it was now charging, but also revealing the new background Dan hadn’t seen.

The picture was rather dark, the only lighting coming from the moon, but it was unmistakable that Dan and Phil were in the photo. They were laying on the ground of some field, Dan hiding his face in Phil’s chest while Phil looked down at him in complete awe. He didn’t remember the moment, but from what he could tell, it was special to someone in the system.

A smile crept upon Dan’s face, his body tingling all over. He was happy, content. His normal pang of jealousy when seeing evidence of an alter enjoying Phil’s company was missing, his guard down for the first time in years. Because of this, it was easier for Evelyn to slip through.

Evelyn was in the body most mornings. As the protector, it was her job to get Dan ready for the day ahead. She was very used to her routine, so when she walked out into the living room to grab a glass of water and take their morning pills, seeing Phil cleaning up the lounge with no shirt on was quite the shock.

She was about to ask what had transpired but the sight of pillows and blankets phil was folding and stacking on the couch was enough information to get by. Max was the only one to make forts and he only did them when he was scared.

Evelyn, who hadn’t warmed up to Phil in the way the rest of the alters did, walked past him and continued on her way to the kitchen. While Max enjoyed the childlike wonder Phil had, Kaleb digged the overall sex appeal of the man, and Dan wanted to kiss the ground he walked on, Evelyn was still wary.

Evelyn was the one who took care of everyone. In the inner world, she was the mother to Max and a big sister to Kaleb. She kept them all in line, helping them with their problems and keeping emotions at bay. While Phil hadn’t exactly posed a threat to the system yet, he posed a threat to Evelyn. So far he had proven to Dan, Max and Kaleb that he could protect them, love them, keep them safe. If Phil was in their lives, Evelyn felt as though she would be tossed to the side. A useless part of the system with Phil there to guide them.

Letting Phil into her life meant giving over some of the control, allowing someone else to make sure Dan was getting enough sleep and arriving to work on time. She couldn’t trust Phil to be that person, not yet, possibly not ever.

Still, keeping Dan happy and healthy was her number one priority and as the boy was so deeply enamoured with the man, she kept her concerns mainly to herself.

She filled up a glass of water, drinking about half of it before reaching into a cabinet and pulling out the pill container with the days listed on them. She popped up the sunday container, dumping the pills onto the table and proceeded to take them one by one, a hefty gulp in between.

“So uh, If I’m gonna take a shower I’m gonna need a towel.” Phil’s voice came from out of nowhere and Evelyn nearly started choking on a vitamin tablet she just swallowed. She looked up to see Phil standing in front of her. “Also if you could give me the clothes so I could get changed into them right after, it would be greatly appreciated.”

“Yeah give me a second.” Her eyes instantly fell from Phil’s gaze as she continued what she was doing, completely disregarding Phil’s presence entirely. She was generally better about her disapproval towards Phil, but mornings forced her to be so focused that she couldn’t compute the notion.

When the last pill was swallowed, she took the medicine bottles out of the same cabinet and refilled the sunday portion. She was aware of Phil’s eyes on her, aware that he must have noticed a change in ‘Dan’s’ demeanor. She didn’t veer from her routine, knowing it could be played off as morning grogginess.

With the pills away and the glass placed into the sink to be washed, she turned her attention back to the shirtless man. Without a word, she motioned for him to follow her down the hall and into the bathroom. Inside was a smaller shelf that held towels and washcloths.

“You can use anything in the shower. There’s a pretty wide variety in there.” Almost certain that Dan hadn’t thought to take out the four vastly different kinds of body wash and shampoo, she went for the ‘ignore and act as though it’s normal’ schtick. “Give me two seconds and I’ll get you some things to change into.”

She’d left Phil to return to Dan’s room. She would have preferred he come along to pick out what he wanted, but Max’s train set was shoved into the corner of the room and Phil would pick up on it instantly. By now she knew Phil’s style and Dan’s was nothing like Phil’s. Dan’s clothes were devoid of life while Phil preferred to drown in it.

Going through Dan’s closet and coming up with only a new pair of boxers and some black trousers led her to pulling the key from the bedside table and going to unlock the spare room. She took a quick survey of the surroundings, being sure Phil wasn’t lurking around, and opened the door to her shared room.

Her wardrobe was brighter than Dan’s, move up to speed with what Phil liked to wear. She was searching for a button down that was the perfect balance between bright and happy yet professional. She stumbled upon a scarlet coloured button down, a tiny little koala embroidered onto the breast pocket.

She carried them down to the bathroom, hanging them up on the door so they wouldn’t wrinkle. When she opened the door enough to peer in, Phil was down to his boxers, attempting to figure out how the shower came on.

Evelyn typically referred to herself as being somewhere on the ace spectrum, but in that moment she understood Dan and Kaleb’s obsession.

While Phil wasn’t overly toned, he had clear muscle definition, particularly in his arms. He had little pudgy love handles and legs that went on for miles. His back had little freckles spread about, a map of sorts just waiting for someone to play connect the dots. And his ass, his ass was divine, a gift from the gods as Kaleb would say.

“Need a little help?” She shook herself out of the daze, already feeling behind schedule and remembering that she had to keep Phil at a distance. Phil jumped in the air, evidently started with a small yelp passing through his lips.

“Uh, yes please.” Phil responded, standing straight up, polite in his reply. Phil was usually that way around Evelyn, picking up on ‘Dan’s’ mood change and following accordingly.

Her hand came up, motioning the man out of the way and she expertly pulled a lever and turned a few knobs. She felt the water temperature before moving out of the way and going back into the hallway.

“Clothes are hanging here and I’ll be in the kitchen making breakfast if you need me. Try not to be too long as we’re already running into the risk of being late.”

When she was halfway through preparing breakfast, it taking slightly longer than normal as there was two mouths to feed instead of one, Phil came out completely dressed. His hair was damp, but his fringe was styled in his normal way, air drying into place. The last thing Evelyn wanted to do was give up control and let Phil finish the most important part of her schedule, but if they had any hope of getting to the office on time, she had to trust him enough not to mess breakfast up.

Her shower was quick, washing down everything in a timely manner, her mind occupied with thoughts of Phil in her kitchen. She caught herself hoping he would fail, hoping he would prove all of her concerns correct. It was far easier than admitting she could be wrong, admitting she no longer had a secure place.

To her surprise, the flat had not burned down. Phil was plating up the pancakes when she walked out into the kitchen, several different kinds of toppings were out with spoons in them and even two full glasses of orange juice were poured.

They ate in silence, but it wasn’t the silence she knew Phil had with Dan. She could tell he had something on his mind but wasn’t quite sure how to word it. She didn’t ask him to say what he was thinking though, preferring not to hear what would come out of his mouth.

It was when they were cleaning up, Evelyn reluctantly giving in to Phil’s adamant request that he help with the dishes, that Phil finally voiced his concerns. They were stood side by side, Phil scrubbing down the dishes in the sink and handing them off to Evelyn who proceeded to dry them off and put them away.

“Are you okay? You seem a little, on edge, I guess you could say.” Phil spoke, keeping his eyes trained on the dishes in front of him. There was concern lacing his voice and Evelyn took notice of how genuine it sounded.

“I’m fine.” She said flatly.

“I know you’re not. I think I know you well enough to know when something isn’t right.” Phil answered quickly. He momentarily stopped his hands to glance up at Evelyn, but quickly went back to the task at hand.

“Do you really know me well enough? I think you know parts of me but not all the little bits and pieces.” Evelyn retorted.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Phil was sincerely curious about her choice of words, wanting to understand what was happening, wanting to be a confidant.

“I think there are different versions of me, and I don’t think you would like them all.”

Phil didn’t hesitate in his response.

“There could be a million versions of you across the whole of the universe and I would find something to love in every single one.”

Evelyn immediately froze in place, dish rag stalling in her hands and looked up at Phil. His body was calm and a small smile was etched across his lips, almost as if he was thinking about a world with a million Dan’s laid out in front of him. The joy he would get at spending his life with a million people who were exactly the same yet so, so different.

He’d noticed she stopped what she was doing and turned to look up at her.

“What is it? Am I doing the dishes wrong? Please tell me, I don’t want to mess up your flow.” His words were authentic and for once she believed Phil could want the best for them all.

“No no. It’s fine. I trust you.” She wished she could elaborate. Wished she could explain why she trusted him and to the extent at which she did, but it wasn’t hers to explain.

Instead she did the one thing she knew she could to show her love.

Her nose started to tingle and her eyes closed.

“Please don’t ever forget that I care about you and I always will.” Phil’s voice was getting distant as Evelyn slipped back, but every single person in the system could hear his words.

‘Don’t you dare let him go, Dan Howell.’

“I won’t.” Dan whispered.

As their friendship grew on and Phil started spending more and more nights over at Dan’s, the idea of a romance between the two became less of a fantasy Dan could only dream of in the dead of night and more of a possibility.

Their touches lingered for longer, their conversations became deeper, forehead and shoulder kisses became more common, and an overwhelming sadness fell over any time they had to part.

They became the talk of the office, frequently showing up dressed in the others clothing, going out to lunch most days and when one was out sick, the other was either home as well or may as well be with how lost they appeared throughout the day.

To outsiders, even Dan and Phil’s families, they seemed to be your normal happy go lucky honeymoon phased couple. And that would be true had they been dating. It wasn’t that Dan didn’t want to be dating Phil, of course he did. He would kill to be able to add a morning kiss onto their new Evelyn approved morning routine. He just couldn’t get up the courage to actually say the words.

He’d attempted one night, asking Phil if he wanted to go out to dinner. Dan made reservations at a fancy upscale Italian restaurant nearby, and dressed up in one of his nicest outfits. While Dan thought it was obvious he’d meant a date, when Phil showed up at his place severely underdressed, it was evident Phil did not catch on.

But it wasn’t as if the romantic undertones between the two were one sided. Phil would frequently compliment Dan. He would add little unnecessary touches in the middle of conversation and, during the night when he thought Dan was asleep, he would intertwine their fingers.

Even the alters knew they should be together. Evelyn would frequently invite Phil over and give Dan back the reins seconds before Phil showed up at the door. Kaleb would take Phil out for a night of pub hopping in hopes of a late night confession and possible make out session. Even Max would ask Phil about his future, if he wanted to be married or if he saw himself with kids one day.

Everyone but Dan could work out a way to make it happen, he was just far too insecure to take a leap and grab the things he wanted out of life.

But that led to a day when Dan woke up in bed, an arm slung over his waist. It wouldn’t have been alarming, as Phil normally held him when he slept over, but no, this time Dan was practically naked.

He sat up quickly, Phil’s arm flinging off of his body and landing back on the bed. The swift movement startled Phil awake, and assuming that Dan had a nightmare of some sort, he put his arms around Dan, rocking the boy back and forth.

Dan tried to assess the situation, looking down at his bare body save for the boxers hanging low on his hips. Glancing back proved to be an overload in Dan’s brain as Phil was in an almost identical state at Dan. He wiggled out of Phil’s grasp and pulled the blanket up to cover himself, knowing full well that it was pointless; Phil had most likely seen everything there was to see at that point.

“Dan, love, what’s wrong?” Phil purred, getting up on his hands and knees to move in front of Dan’s face.

Dan wanted to look. He wanted to take in Phil’s chest and his upper thighs that he’d always dreamed would one day be wrapped around his head. He wanted to take advantage of whatever situation Kaleb or Evelyn had put him in, but he just couldn’t. He kept his eyes trained down on the blanket pattern.

While it wasn’t a foolproof plan, he thought it would buy him some time to come up with some rational scenario that didn’t involve Kaleb, a bottle of Jack, and a first time he wouldn’t get to remember. No, what happened was far worse.

Phil’s fingers found their way under Dan’s chin and within seconds, he was being forced to lock eyes. Brown against blue. Before Dan could even blink, Phil was inching forward and their lips touched ever so gently. It was chaste and should have been a sweet gesture if Dan hadn’t been so confused and on the verge of heartbreak.

He pulled back, a little quicker than he had intended to and swung his legs over the side of the bed, ignoring Phil’s gaze in the process. He wanted to run, to escape the situation before Phil could explain, before Kaleb would start taunting in his ear about how he’d won the game. He needed out, but his legs wouldn’t budge, his feet cement blocks on the floor.

“Did I do something wrong?” Phil’s voice came out a little shaky almost as if he was fighting back tears. “I’d thought that after last night, after our first date and everything we talked about, it would be alright to kiss you.”

Dan stayed silent, willing himself to move, to run, to escape. He couldn’t, and sat helplessly as Phil joined him on the edge of the bed, creating a gap between them for the first time in months.

“I assumed since you had kissed me last night that I could kiss you now, and that was wrong. Previous consent does not mean consent forever and I should have asked if you were okay with it bef-”

“I kissed you last night?” Dan cut Phil off, his eyes growing wide as they moved to Phil’s face. Anger was boiling in his stomach. He wanted to destroy something, smash Kaleb’s things the way that he had destroyed Dan’s first experience with Phil.

Phil was stunned into silence.

The room lay still, neither talked nor moved an inch. Dan’s mind was loud, the alters giving their two sense on just how badly Dan fucked up, but he didn’t care. For the first time in years, he wished he never had DID.

Out of nowhere, Phil was up off the bed in a flash, hunting around the room in search of his clothing. It was only as Phil was pulling his pants on that Dan started to agree that he’d messed up everything he’d ever wanted.

“What are you doing?” Tears started welling up in Dan’s eyes and he wasn’t sure if he had the willpower to keep them from falling. He’d had everything he’d ever wanted. He had someone who liked to hold and kiss him, someone who was concerned about his wellbeing, and in a span of minutes he had to watch them leave before his eyes.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m going. I can’t do this anymore Dan, I really can’t.” Phil’s voice was hoarse, like he too was trying and failing to hold back the tears. He reached for his shirt and Dan went into overdrive, regaining control of his legs and jumping off the bed. He grabbed Phil’s shirt out of his hands and held it tightly in his fists.

“No. No, I won’t let you go.” Phil looked less than thrilled, making a grab at the shirt in Dan’s hand, but Dan quickly moved it behind his back. Dan thought that would hold Phil, but the man just let out a sigh and turned to walk out of the bedroom.

“Where are you going? You can’t just leave like that!” Dan followed after him, tears streaming down his face. He didn’t even bother to put on his own clothes, fully prepared to run after Phil in the streets half naked.

“Keep the shirt. It’s yours anyway.” Phil walked into the lounge, picking up his keys and wallet off of the coffee table. Dan frantically tried to calm his breathing while thinking about what he could do to stop the best thing to happen to him from walking out on his life.

“But why? Why are you going? Can you please just tell me what I did wrong? I’m sorry that I reacted that way. Just come back and kiss me again. I’ll be better this time. I’ll keep my mouth shut and we can go back to bed and just pretend it never happened.”

“Can’t you see that that’s the problem Dan? You always conveniently forget some of the most important memories I have with you and then I have to pretend like they never happened. The time we took a walk through the park and I told you that coming out to my parents was one of the scariest things I’d ever done, and two days later you asked me what I hoped my wife would be like. That time we took my parent's car and went on a late night drive to the beach and you’d later said you’d never been.” Phil’s hand ran through his hair, a few tears dropping down from his cheeks onto the floor. He’d stopped his pace completely, standing shirtless in the middle of the room, baring his soul to Dan. “Or when I told you I was severely allergic to cats and weeks later you booked up a reservation at a fucking cat cafe! I could continue on, Dan. The list is about a mile long.”

“I didn’t- I can explain.” Dan knew he had to tell Phil, knew it was the only way to even have a chance at holding on, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t let the secret go. Not yet. He wasn’t ready.

“No, I don’t think you can. Dan, you act different so much. I feel like half the time you aren’t even you. You forget entire conversations we have, you don’t care about the moments that mean so much to me. Hell, you forgot our first date and our first kiss. I care about you, so much Dan. I really thought you felt the same way.”

Phil wiped the back of his hand across his cheeks, drying his face of the tear tracks. He gave one last look up at Dan, almost like he was begging him to give him a reason to stay, an explanation to it all, curb his insecurities and tell him he felt the same, but Dan’s tongue was tied.

Phil shook his head and walked past Dan, out of the lounge and towards the front door.

‘Just fucking say it Dan. Don’t let him leave.’

‘I’m sorry Dan. I shouldn’t have kissed him, but don’t let that be the end.’

‘Who will hold me during the storms now?’

Phil’s hand was on the knob, ready to open the door and walk out of Dan’s life forever when he finally found enough courage.

“I have DID.”

Seconds were minutes, time stood still as Dan watched Phil’s hand slide off the door knob and turn back to face Dan. He hadn’t even registered that he’d said it until the words were resounding throughout his head.

“You have what?” Phil’s voice was soft again, caring and fluid like he usually was. He didn’t move from his place in front of the door, but his eyes had a twinkle again.

“I have DID. Dissociative Identity Disorder. I was diagnosed when I was 17, but I’ve had it since I was really young.” Dan’s voice was shaking, never having been more afraid, yet at ease to tell someone. He knew that if he wanted a future with Phil, he’d have to tell him eventually, but he really didn’t want it to be a final card to play in an attempt to save that future.

“I don’t-” Phil took a tentative step towards Dan, gauging the reaction of the boy before taking another three steps to stand directly in front of him. “What does that mean?”

Dan took a deep breath and looked around the room. He’d thought about telling Phil countless times. He’d rehearsed what he would say and how he would deliver the information, but the spur of the moment confession left him unprepared.

“Do you think we could sit down or something? This will be kind of a lot to take in and it might take me a bit to get through it all.” Dan’s hand came up, his thumb pointing behind him towards the lounge. He hoped it would be enough.

Without words, Phil nodded his head. He started walking back the way they came, taking Dan’s hand in his as he went.

Dan was trembling and the small contact Phil gave him calmed his heart enough to help him think clearer, to begin to work through just what he would say.

They sat down on the couch, Phil sat with crossed legged and his back against the armrest. Dan sat with some distance between them, bringing his knees to his chest and holding on tightly.

Silence lingered, Dan working out just what he wanted to say and how to say it. Phil was waiting patiently beside him. After ten minutes, and Phil scooting closer to place a hand on Dan’s shoulder, Dan opened his mouth to speak.

“DID is an illness where a person has at least two personality states. These states are called alters. Everyone is different, but for me, I have three other people living in my head. It’s usually developed in childhood, the mind ‘splits’ to protect itself from some kind of trauma that occurred. I don’t remember what happened to me, but I know that it was really bad.

“There’s a whole lot that goes into it, and I don’t want to bore you with the details, but basically when I ‘forget’ things, it’s because I wasn’t there for them. I like to call it lost time because I have no recollection of what happens when an alter is out except for a few spare times, and I really have to rely on context clue, notes from my alters, and others’ stories to help me fill in the gaps.

“I have three alters and we all work in what’s called a system. You’ve met them all without really knowing it. Or maybe you know it because they aren’t the best actors and our personalities are so different. There’s Evelyn, who was the first alter. She’s grown up with me and she looks after the wellbeing of the system. Kaleb came next and he’s kind of a dick. He’s the one who smokes and parties and he’s the one who stole my first kiss with you. Then there’s Max, who’s only 11. He ages very slowly in comparison to myself and the other alters, so he’s only aged 2 years in 6. He’s a child who loves to colour and go to the park and I’d be willing to bet he was the one at the beach with you that day.

“I just. I was going to tell you, one day, but there’s always a fear that comes along with saying it. There’s the fear that you won’t believe me like most people do. Like my psychology professor at Uni whose whole lecture on DID was that it was basically a made-up thing people did to excuse bad behaviour. There’s also the fear that you’d believe me but consider it too much to handle. I’m really not sure what’s worse.

“That’s kinda it. At least the really basic part of it anyway. You can decide what to do now.” Dan, who had been holding on tightly to Phil’s shirt the entire time handed it out to him, gesturing that the ball was in his court to decide what to do.

Phil reached out and took the shirt, standing up off of the couch and pulling it over his head. He leaned down, pressing a kiss onto Dan’s temple before walking towards the door of the lounge.

Dan kept his head down, not ready to watch Phil leave.

“I’m gonna make us breakfast. Would you rather eggs or pancakes?” Dan’s head shot up, a wide grin spanning ear to ear. Phil couldn't help but break his composure and smiled right back.

“Pancakes please.” Dan unrolled himself from his ball and met Phil at the door. Phil’s arms opened and Dan leapt into them, burying his face into Phil’s chest. He wanted to be happy, but his deep insecurities couldn't let him quite yet. “Are you sure?”

“What is there to even consider? I appreciate you telling me and believe me, I’ve got about a million things I wanna ask both you and google, but I don’t want to overwhelm you right now. How about we eat some breakfast, watch a movie or something, and come back to it?” Phil’s hand rubbed up and down Dan’s back before pulling away. Before Dan could lift his head, Phil’s lips came forward, leaving a lingering kiss to the boy’s forehead. Dan countered by placing his hands on either side of Phil’s face and connecting their lips.

“That sounds perfect, but I don’t want to hide anything from you anymore. I want you to know how committed I am to you and to making this work. If you have any questions or thoughts that pop up, please just throw them out there, and if I feel like I can answer it, I will. ”

Phil thought for a moment, his eyes looking out to the side as if he was thinking deep in thought.

“Is that why you were so adamant about not seeing Split?” Phil said and Dan groaned, pushing Phil away and resuming the walk to the kitchen.

“Don’t even get me started on that fucking movie. It’s literally just a way to make money off fear mongering like I’m not gonna kidnap you and kill you or some shit. Like worse case scenario is Kaleb will be a fuck and sleep with someone, which we will have to talk about, but like god that movie just gets me going. The inaccuracies are unbelievable and everyone who says ‘it’s just a movie’, well I’d like them to walk a fucking day in my shoes. Let them see how fast they flip that dumbass opinion.”

Phil chuckled, following after Dan and letting him rant. Things made so much more sense, clicked together.

“You know I’ve always hated that movie just as much as you, but it’s just really cute to see you get all worked up.”

“Oh shut up.”

They went into the kitchen, Phil pulling out all of the ingredients needed to get the pancake batter going, Dan getting started on a pot of coffee. It was easy. It was perfect.

“So how was our first date?” Dan asked halfway through the pancake process.

“I don’t know.” Phil replied, a sly grin appearing. “We haven’t had ours yet.”

Dan was momentarily shocked, ready to pitch a fit that this whole fight happened and there wasn’t even a date to begin with, but Phil was quick to shut him up.

“As far as I’m concerned, if you weren’t there mentally, it wasn’t our first date. We can try again another day.”

Dan put his arms around Phil’s neck, taking in the moment. Everything he’d been through, all the time he’d spent worrying about Phil’s reaction. Never in a million life times did he think he would be lucky enough to find someone so understanding, someone who would stand in his corner no matter what.

“That sounds good to me, but could we also have a redo on that first kiss?” Dan inched his face forwards, daring Phil to take the next step.

“We could redo that as much as you want.”