#i just try not to like talk about On Main but i'm just so unhappy

[bluesquaress]

Sorry for prev post guys.

[tvrningout-a]

chiyo, formerly a background character, suddenly experiencing main character moments after she was bitten bc that makes her a main character now?? yes and it's the silliest day of clichés and freaking out over inconvenient powers :' ))

[zarnzarn]

i see all these comments talking about this after the new episode, but. i would like to state for the record that stolitz isn't. toxic.

first off, the concept of a toxic and a healthy relationship are such... vague terms. when you're online, drenched in language and tight moral boundaries, trying to put a nuanced story like helluva boss's into boxes is easy to attempt and impossible to do.

a toxic relationship is one where one or both parties is maliciously affecting the other. I'm talking fetid, nasty, rude interactions where there is more hurt than love. they're unhappy more often than not when they're with their partner, there's no respect or give from the other side.

stolitz is nothing like that.

Stolas actively cares about Blitz and actually has no fear or hesitation in ADMITTING IT OUT LOUD TO OZZIE. he has been calling, texting, commenting, laughing and finding ways to spend time with Blitz. he's throwing everything he has to the wind, finding the courage to move forward with the divorce, putting everything he has into trying to keep him. he's been alone in a palace since he was born, on medication, with such less people dear to him that he remembered the circus boy who spent a day with him DECADES ago- so when blitz comes into his life and brings back in laughter and color and sex, he's holding on with everything he's got.

and blitz does care!!! he cares a LOT, the whole series we see him falling in love with stolas through SHOW NOT TELL (his expressions, his choices, his fear, his lashing out) and utterly unable to process that stolas cares about him too when talking to fizz; almost a desperate kind of denial-

cause yknow. the first time he tried to confess something to someone he really liked, he accidentally killed half the people he knew and ruined the lives of the rest?

thats gonna leave just a teensy impact on the will to express your emotions in the future, methinks.

even before that, he clearly felt like on some level that he was unworthy and he's said twice that he despises himself for the accident even though it wasn't actually his fault. being self aware doesn't stop the emotions from emotioning.

he keeps insisting its only sex so urgently to anyone who doesn't ask because he can't even imagine it being anything else. he's both disappointed and relieved when he repeats that stolas sees him as a novelty, because what else can it be?

(there's a whole other spiel of how brave both Stolas and Blitz have to be to say it out loud even when asmodeus can't afford to, considering how publically and completely beaten down both were at the club.)

(there's also another whole spiel about how frustrating it has been for ME to see all these comments over time with such bad takes based on like,, 20 min worth of info of a show that takes months to release an ep. like godDAMN have some patience?? let the story UNFOLD MAYBE? IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION WHY WOULD YOU CRITICIZE THINGS THAT ARENT EVEN FINISHED ESPECIALLY AN INDIE ANIMATION- i digress)

mind you, this has NOTHING to do with abuse. an abusive relationship is one where one is actively harming the other with full awareness. Stella is an abuser and their marriage is abusive.

and stolitz isn't that; it isn't even unhealthy or toxic. it's a consensual, transactional fuckbuddy relationship that slid into something more for both of them.

but!!!!! one of the main reasons for the problems that everyone looks over is-

they're in a BDSM relationship.

I can't possibly delve into dynamics without making this a 10k research paper BUT even though we've gotten only hints and costumes and dialogue- they're very clearly and undeniably in a BDSM contract. Behind the scenes of this crazy show is a whole different story, of these two delving into the most hardcore kinks out there- knifeplay, painplay, bondage.

if you've gotten into the community, if you've read a couple dozen particularly good fics by authors who know what they're talking about, hell; even if your only experience is fifty shades or 365 or whatever- you gotta know that BDSM scenes are crazy fucking emotionally heavy. there's so much that has gone down between them during their full moons that helluva can't get into!!

but you know how in so many of these popular medias and fics, the dom in the relationship is also like,, the billionaire/mafia heir/prince, etc, the one with financial and physical power? this isnt that. it has been very clearly stated that stolas is subbing, blitz is domming.

now take a moment and think about how much that fucks up the dynamics.

in stolas' eyes, blitz is a confident, dangerous individual who's an old friend and cherished memory of his, who he's trusted wholly with his safety during sex and he's lucky to have; and he has been in an abusive arranged marriage for the past eighteen Years, he's probably not going to be pushing his luck with his dom that much in the first place. plus, blitz is never cowed by him during their conversations- think back to the first phone call right after he stole the book, completely unafraid.

and for blitz, it's someone trusting him again- but it's also a royal- a blue blood who's nearly untouchable and so much more powerful- who couldn't possibly like a piece of shit like him, apart from the sex he gets out of it. he only flirts once he gets some sort of cue from Stolas; he's desperately trying to view this as only a Goetia trying to get his rocks off, despite all the evidence to the contrary, because anything else is unfathomable to him, no matter how clearly Stolas shows it, because of the ptsd.

both of them thinks the other has the power. both of them aren't expecting the other to keep shut if something's bothering them.

and there's so much conflicting messages from the other too!

stolas calls him a plaything when trying to intimidate the humans; stolas cups his face gently and asks if he's alright

blitz asks him on a date and tells him to get better soon; blitz yells that it's only sex and doesn't reply to his messages

ya see?

bring it to fizzozzie for a second now; even though they do look all good on surface, you can still see fizz's trauma and doubt in all their interactions, they're still forced to keep the relationship secret. do you see his face when Ozzie says in hyperbole that he's never leaving the house again, or when someone accuses him of being a pampered house pet or when he got sexualized in the 7th ep? whatever happened in the interim between the accident with mammon, it fucked him UP. even though oz seems to be well aware of this when he tells him not to apologise and in their general interactions, fizz still visibly has trouble separating plaything/commodity from healthy relationship.

shout the fuck out to Ozzie btw, man knows whats UP. rooting for these two so much omg.

i forgot where I was going with this point, I'll edit it when i remember. but yeah! lovely fucking relationship, but damn what angst filled issues.

anyway, to sum up- stolitz is not a toxic relationship. the relationship is stuck sludging through misunderstandings and careless microaggressions and trauma responses, but it's not unhealthy or toxic because of the simple reason that most of the current hurt comes from... a misunderstanding. stolas didn't realise blitz would need reassurance about what they were and blitz didn't see stolas as someone who could get hurt.

unecessarily calling it toxic, even online, is more impactful than people think too. almost all spindlehorse ARE on all social medias; so MANY YouTube animators i know have found jobs there; they see your words, especially since a lot don't tag posts with "anti hb" correctly to keep them out of the main tag. there are Very few queer medias made BY queer people that haven't gone through heavy corporate revisions- helluva boss is practically a historical landmark in its success. it's very very very fucking easy to forget that not ten years ago some of the only queer videos on YouTube were butter lover (one kiss at the end post credits), dirty paws and welcome to hell (subtext).

the amount of "critical talk" helluva boss gets for what it is is very unprecedented. it's a beautiful show. can't wait for the next episode.

[leighsartworks216]

All This And Heaven Too

Demon!Sylus x gn!Angel!Reader

Based on this post

Title from "All This And Heaven Too" by Florence and the Machine

This fic possessed me and would not let me go until I wrote it tonight (which is bad cuz I'm sick). Very very very vague spoilers for the end of Sylus's story

Also I'm not religious and I do not smoke but the vibes, y'all, I simply had to (I looked up a wikihow for smoking)

Warnings: heavy angst, angels + demons au, major character death, unhappy ending, hurt no comfort, blood, injury, crying, kissing, drugs + smoking, underage smoking, pet names, religious imagery + symbolism, swearing

Word Count: 2,557

Main Masterlist

Love and Deepspace Masterlist

AO3

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You sigh as you feel the oh so familiar sensation of a cigarette being shoved into your halo’s golden glow. There’s an inhale behind you, and the sensation is gone. Sure enough, when you turn around, the demon stands proudly, taking a long drag from his cigarette.

“Thanks, angel,” the demon, Sylus, purrs. The smoke blows into your face and you fan it away with your hand. He chuckles. “You haven’t changed one bit.”

“Well, it’s only been 3 centuries. How much was I supposed to change in that time?”

He studies you lazily, tilting his head and taking another drag. He settles down on a low stone wall, worn on the edges and covered in old paint. “Not interested in small talk today, angel?”

You cross your arms defensively over your chest. It’s been a long time since he’s seen you this on-edge around him. “I don’t know how you can think about anything else.” You look at the people passing by.

Teens in helmets and knee pads rolling past on boards or skates, others with no protective gear at all trying to pull off complicated flips and tricks. A couple sat under a curved wall, passing a blunt back and forth. Sylus had teased you relentlessly the first time he came across you in a place like this. Watching all these young souls take up vices so early in their lives, put their bodies on the line and break bones for a bit of fun. You didn’t notice the drugs and alcohol as much nowadays. You just saw the smiles.

“All of this will be gone in just a few days… Doesn’t that…” You glance at him. “Doesn’t that upset you?”

A kid walks up to Sylus, gesturing with his messily rolled up joint for a light. Sylus presses the end of his cigarette to the end without a word. The revolting stench of marijuana filled the air as the kid walked away. “Why should it?”

You glare at him and he chuckles.

“Oh, I’m sorry. What I meant to say was, ‘Heavens above, it’s a terrible tragedy! The horror of it all!’”

“I could smite you right now. One less demon for Hell’s army would be no loss to us.”

“But it would be to you.” He sighs, scanning the skatepark. A melancholy settles in his expression. “I suppose I will miss it. Humans know the best ways to have a good time.”

You hum. “I did always enjoy their weddings.”

“I was thinking something along the lines of lust, greed, and pride.”

“I know.”

You glance at the spot beside him. He holds the cigarette in the corner of his mouth as he takes off his leather jacket and lays it across the stone. You perch primly on it with a nod of thanks. He takes the cigarette from his mouth and holds it out to you. You stare at it with a grimace.

“This could be your last chance to try it,” he cajoles. “I promise you won’t get sent to Hell for a little thing like this.”

You glance at his face. Piercing red eyes stare at you, but you know he wouldn’t lie to you about something like this. Not anymore, anyway.

You begin to reach for it but he pulls it just out of your reach. He holds the butt end to your lips, but you look at him with that sweet little look of innocence, utterly helpless.

“Shall I demonstrate first?” He puts it between his lips, the corners curled up into a devilish grin. The ashes on the end trail a little further down the paper as he inhales the tobacco smoke. He takes it out of his mouth, pauses for a second, and blows it out, away from your face this time. He holds it back to your lips. “Don’t do too much. I want this to be a good experience for you.”

“Your temptations are hardly enticing,” you scold, but there’s no venom behind it. You carefully put your lips around the filter, where his were just seconds ago, and suck in. You can’t help watching his face as you do, searching for instructions through his expressions. He nods just slightly and you pull away, holding it in for a moment like he did, and exhaling.

He brings it back to his lips. “Well?”

You scowl as you try to get the taste out of your mouth. “How do you like that?”

“Oh, angel. People don’t like the taste - not really, anyway. It’s the chemicals that trick you into thinking you need it, pulling you to it over and over again.” He leans in. His eyes gleam. “Addiction.”

“Hmph. Should I try to find something pure for you to try now?”

He shakes his head. “I already know what the holy experience is like. I’m just fine not going back to it for a second.”

A drugged-up teenager with no protective gear goes down the old wooden half-pipe. It’s been in disrepair for years. The local governments don’t care at all about trying to keep anything here in good upkeep; they haven’t for decades. His wheel catches on a broken board and sends him flying. His body scrapes against splinters and bent nails, tearing at his clothing and flesh. To add insult to injury, his skateboard goes up the other side and comes right down on his head. You can tell even from a distance that he’s broken something. He lays there for a while, groaning.

Sylus isn’t surprised when an ambulance arrives a couple minutes later, despite nobody having called for their services.

“Do you know where you’ll be stationed?” you ask. You try to seem cool-headed about the thought of going into war, but there’s a waver in your voice that he catches as easily as recognizing a lie.

“Linkon City. On the frontlines.” He passes the nearly-gone cigarette back over when he sees your hands fidget restlessly with the hem of his jacket. “What about you?”

You take it from him with inexperienced fingers, but you don’t cough this time either as you take a slightly deeper draw from it. He could almost say he’s proud, if he ignored the omen of a smoking angel.

“The same for me.”

He takes the spent cigarette from you and puts it out against a spray painted yellow smile. “So I’ll see you there, then.”

You watch the ambulance pull away with the kid on a stretcher in the back.

Sylus stands up. It’s only when he gestures to his jacket that you follow, stepping away so he can retrieve it and put it on. It’s a hot summer day, but even dressed in all black and leather, he says it’s too cold. If Hell wins… you wonder if you’ll understand what he means, then.

“If we fight each other-”

“Why do you sound so upset about it, angel?”

You take a deep breath. Your golden eyes, blessed by the light of God, stare at him with a deep seriousness. “If we fight each other, we can’t hold back. You know that, right?”

He nods slowly. “I know.”

“I… I won’t hold back.”

He nods.

“Not even for you.”

He nods again. “I know, angel.”

You nod, settling that promise into your brain. Your frown hasn’t faltered at all.

“For what it’s worth…” Red eyes look at you with no waver in confidence, but that melancholy hasn’t faded yet. “Of all the angels I could have had the displeasure of knowing, I’m glad it was you.”

-

The city was a husk of its former self. Where once people walked to and fro, going to work or the movies or the arcade, demons and angels fought in a holy war. It was chaos at every turn. Armies donned in white and black, fighting tooth and nail to win.

You had your orders. They were easy to follow: kill any demon in sight. You prayed for God to end this war before it could begin. You prayed for the final days leading up to it for this to never come to pass. You prayed until someone ripped your hands apart and shoved a sword into them.

If your body functioned like a normal human’s, you would have been panting, gasping for air as you stole through a wrecked lobby and into a courtyard, surrounded on all sides by tall buildings. Your body would have ached from exhaustion, and you think a normal human would have fallen unconscious by now.

Your body does not function that way.

Your breaths are even as you turn in a slow circle, watching for any intruders. The fight rages on mere feet away, but in here you can almost forget.

A tree stands proudly in the center. Its branches overhand a small, tiered garden. Flowers decorate the wooden boxes, spilling out over the sides from care and dedication. You gently lift one of the hanging blossoms and bend down to smell it.

Something sharp touches your neck.

You’re frozen in place. Caught off guard, staring at the flower, memorizing it so that when the killing blow comes, it is the last thing you see. The last meaningful reminder of the humans’ blessed existence.

“Hello, angel.”

You turn your head so sharply you almost cut yourself on his blade. Relief and dread swell in you all at once, a miasma of discontent. Sylus grins at you as relaxed as ever and lowers the black sword to his side.

A hollow breeze swishes his hair across his forehead. The longer strands catch in his eye, but he doesn’t brush them away. The horns on his head are sharper, crueller than usual; as dark as the deepest pit of Hell.

The golden glow of your halo highlights the planes of his face.

“Don’t hold back, remember?” he says. “Don’t lose that conviction on me now.”

Your hand shakes as you tighten your grip on your sword. You raise it in front of you. The sharpened point raised to the heavens, a symbol of your devotion. You swallow. “I won’t.”

He mirrors your position, the end of his sword aimed for the hells below. His hands are steady. He nods. That damned grin widens on his face. It doesn’t reach his eyes. “I know, angel.”

Sylus attacks first. He has to. You’re paralyzed, unable to make the first offensive move. You defend instead, blocking and parrying his every move. The tree stands watch. A silent aegis to your battle.

He cuts your right cheek, and you jump away to collect yourself. The pain feels too real. How is this the natural end of the world? How can your God sit idly by and witness you crossing blades with the one creature across the Heavens, Hells and Earth whom you called friend? What merciful God would want this?

Blood drips slowly down your jaw from the small wound. Sylus paces around you like a wolf hunting wounded prey. You know he will destroy you.

You take a breath and raise your sword again. Your hand does not shake.

You strike first, reigniting the fight he lit.

It’s grueling. Neither of you dares to give in now. Hesitating would be to die. And not only did neither of you want to die, neither of you wanted to kill the other. It’s a battle built to be a stalemate. A war never meant to be won.

At least, you wish it was.

Both hands grab the hilt of your sword, holding it steady. Sylus grabs the blade.

He chuckles. It’s weak. Strained. His eyes match the blood pouring from his chest as he looks up at you. He falls to his knees. You follow.

“Well done, angel.” He wheezes, eyes squeezed shut in pain as he hunches over your blade. The sides dig into his hand, slicing his palm and fingers. “You… You won.”

All at once, the reality of the situation hits you.

“No…” You support your sword with one hand as you scramble on your knees to be closer. You grab his shoulder, sitting him up so you can see where you’ve impaled him. You let go of the sword to rest both hands on his chest on either side of the wound. “No, no, no, no, don’t- You can’t-”

Golden light shines in your hands, but black and red tendrils block your healing. You try harder, until the light blinds you, but the demonic powers within him refuse to relent. Sylus watches you with soft eyes and a grin.

“Angel,” he mumbles. You grunt in frustration as you press harder against the wound. His hand slides off the blade and covers yours. You’re panting from exertion as you finally meet his eyes. “I think… I think I wanna try somethin’ holy now… You got anything in mind?”

The glow fades. The darkness fades. You cradle the back of his head with a blood-soaked hand. It stains his hair. Your other hand grips his like a lifeline, squeezing blood from the cuts there. He doesn’t stop you.

“Something holy?” You search his face, wracking your brain for any ideas. “Okay… Okay, I can do that.”

You begin stroking his hair tenderly, scratching at his scalp, scraping sweat, blood and oil under your nails. He sighs, head resting heavily into your care. His eyes are half closed. He forces them to stay open.

You scoot yourself closer, until your knees are touching his. You lift his head up and bring your lips to his forehead. This close, you listen to every breath he takes. Every rasp and groan he exhales. You pull away reluctantly, ducking your head down so your forehead rests over your lingering kiss.

“How’s-” You clear your throat after your voice cracks. “How’s that?”

“Isn’t kissing… a sin…?”

You shake your head. “No, no, it’s not.”

He hums quietly. “You ever… kiss anyone… angel?”

You laugh despite yourself and shake your head again. “No, I haven’t.”

“Shall I… demonstrate…?”

“I’d like that.”

He abandons his sword on the ground beside him. It clatters against the carefully laid brick of the courtyard. His hand is agonizingly slow to find your cheek. His palm is cold. His thumb strokes the cut he gave you.

“C’mere… angel.”

You follow his weak guidance as he tilts your chin, pulling your lips to his. His lips barely move. You press against them a little harder.

His hand slips from your cheek, knuckles scraping over the bricks and jostling his sword. You pull away.

His eyes are hollow. Red irises staring into nothingness.

“Sylus…?” His head lolls in your hand when you try to adjust. “Sylus, please-” Your eyes fill with water. “Please, it’s not funny. I don’t need your tricks right now. Please-”

You let go of his wounded hand to hold his face with both hands. Blood from your touch stains his cheeks. Hot tears slip down your cheeks.

“Please, I- I can’t do this without you… I don’t want to do this without you…”

He doesn’t respond.

You press your forehead to his again, leaning over his body as gravity stakes its claim on him. Your tears land on his face, falling down his cheekbones and jaw as if he was the one crying, not you.

“Please… Please…” You kiss his cold lips. “Please…”

Nobody hears your prayers.

---

Tag List:

@the-golden-jhope @huen1ngk41 @armycaratlover

[n-i-m-u-e]

What if Rhaenyra had taken over the raising of her siblings

I'm going to write more detailed posts on each of these heds eventually (and possibly add more heds here)

Maybe I'm looking in the wrong area or missing something... But I'm surprised that there's almost no discussion of what would happen if Rhaenyra took over raising her younger siblings. I found literally ONE (1) fic about this and it`s shame! For example, if Alicent died giving birth to Daeron (yes, I'm willing to sacrifice her for that). And Rhaenyra, who shortly afterwards welcomed her first child and felt that incredible overwhelming rush of oxytocin love for Jace, couldn't stand looking at her dear friend's baby childrens (and to a lesser extent her younger siblings) who were left alone . It was obvious that Viserys was still Viserys and didn't really care for them. So Rhaenyra asked her father for permission to raise Aegon, Helaena, Aemond and the newborn Daeron alongside Jace and her future children. Sorry, but I'm just in love with this idea: Alicent's children receive the same amount of care, unconditional parental love and acceptance from their older sister as Rhaenyra's children (!!!)

Aegon grows quite calmly without greens pressure. He has plenty of attention but also a lot of freedom and, accordingly, doesn't try to drown out his anxiety about unwanted responsibility with alcohol and sex from a young age. But even when his adolescent interest in these things manifested itself, it is hard to imagine that his foster mother, represented by Rhaenyra, would have condemned or tabooed it. Most likely, she simply kept it under control and sent Laenor or even Harwin bc girl can dream to talk him about the birds and the bees

Helaena's prophecies will be heard. Rhaenyra spends quite a lot of time with her little sister. Because as much as she adores all her boys, it's the baby girl (long-cherished dream) who fascinates her the most way. Everyone around says that the child acts strangely for her age, but Rhaenyra doesn't see anything too disturbing in her behavior. Over time, she begins to pay more attention to what Helaena saying, and at some point she remembers Daenys the Dreamer

Aegon can make really funny and inoffensive jokes. One time at dinner, he decided to make a joke about Aemond's dragonless, and Rhaenyra looked at him with suuuuuch disappointment, that he never wanted to be the cause of her look 'like this` again

So yes, the boys never bullied Aemond because he didn't have a dragon. But Rhaenyra, who realised his need very well, supported the desire to get one. Perhaps at some point she told the family that she and Aemond would be away for a while and took him on Cyrax's back to Dragonstone, where they stayed for several weeks. But when they finally returned to the capital, Aemond was riding Vermitor.

Aegon and Helaena were not engaged and didn't get into an unhappy marriage later.

Daeron is definitely staying in King's Landing. Because there is no way Otto would have any leverage! But the main motive for Rhaenyra was the inadmissibility of the little boy being cut off from his home, and heritage. And most importantly, Daeron and Jace grew up practically like twins and could not bear to be separated even for a short time.

Aemond is this one, who is most outraged about the rumors about the ancestry of her older sister's children and takes it as a personal attack. Because… because he has very personal reasons!

At Laena's funeral, Helaena approaches her grieving cousins and hugs them one by one, and then says something to Rhaena something about ‘the morning will fix a lot of things’. No one understood at the time, but the orphaned girls were visibly comforted, and for the first time in her life, Helaena Targaryen had friends.

Aegon was going through a phase of severe pre-pubescent crash in Rhaenyra and for several months in a row he tried to challenge Laenor to a ‘death duel’ to ‘free his sister from the chains of marriage’. A few years later, when Laenor ‘died’, it was Aegon who took it the hardest of all the children.

Aemond has the better (perfect) Valyrian pronunciation and two eyes:)

to be continued...

my apologise for any mistakes, english is not my native language and I typed this in a rush at my office instead of the royalty report

[spidey-x-male-reader]

can you pls do a hobie brown x Male reader? Like yk how every Spider-Man has like a Gwen or an mj and all the other spiderman ask hobie like “what abt you do you have a gwen or mj?” And he introduces his bf to them?

Pairing: Hobie Brown (Spider-Punk) x male!reader

Requested: yes / no

Warnings: ///

A/N: Thank you so much for the request! I'm finally getting back into the mood to write again. This is the first x reader I've written since a long time but I'm always happy to get requests to better myself

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

MASTERLIST

“Aaand MJ and Mayday are finally back home” Peter said when walking back into the main hall to look at his team members. “But she really liked finally meeting all of you. Even you, Miguel.”

Hobie looked over at Miguel with a slight smirk, watching how Miguel clearly seemed unhappy with this whole situation. But it wasn’t like he could stop Peter at this point. He brought his daughter to work here so why not his wife too? At least for a visit. 

“We’re not going to make a habit out of getting visitors here, understand?” Miguel spoke in a stern tone. 

“I think we should do quite the opposite. Get more visitors”, Peter grinned, now finally turning to Hobie. “I mean you haven’t brought anyone over yet. You got a MJ or Gwen?”

Hobie let out a scoff. Most people seemed to be having a MJ, or even a Gwen, even if that one seemed to be working out less. He still shook his head. “No MJ or Gwen. I have a (y/n).”

Miles now also moved closer. “(y/n)? Who’s that?”

Apparently this was a community meeting now since Gwen sat down with them too. “Are we talking about (y/n)? He’s Hobie’s boyfriend. The absolute coolest really. We played the drums together one time and–”

“You got a boyfriend? How didn’t we know that before?”

Hobie shrugged. “You didn’t ask.”

“You gotta invite him.”

“Didn’t you just hear how I told you that there shouldn’t be more visitors.” Miguel clearly looked annoyed with his colleagues.

“Well now I really have to get him.”, Hobie smirked.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You walked into the compound looking around, dozens of spider-people walking around everywhere. “You really didn’t overdo it, Hobie” you grin, while walking next to him. 

“When have I ever overdone anything, love?”, he smirked at you. “We’re almost there.”

“Gwen’s there too?”

“Gwen, Miles, Peter, Miguel, Pavitr probably. They have all been excited. Well most of them. I don’t think Miguel ever gets excited.”, he looked over when he realised you were slowing down a bit. “You don’t gotta be nervous. They’ll love you. And if they don’t it’s their loss”

You nodded, but still grabbed his hand before you two entered the room together. It was almost a comfort to have him this close. And it was almost a comfort that he didn’t seem to mind. He never said anything about it, he didn’t judge you for anything. 

The only person you recognized in the room was Gwen who immediately ran over to you. 

“(y/n)! Good to see you!”, she grinned, giving you a classic fistbump. “Come on. You gotta meet the rest”, she said, pulling you along.

“Hey Gwen. Try not to steal my boyfriend.” Hobie just chuckled, just walking after you two. It wasn’t like he wasn’t used to you stealing everyones attention wherever you went, even if you didn’t mean to. He couldn’t quite blame anyone for being fascinated by you either. 

Every day he looked at you, he fell in love all over again. You once asked him if he didn’t get tired of that one point but he had just shaken his head before saying ‘How could I ever get tired of you?’

And now all of that proved itself true again. You, Pavitr, Gwen and Miles had hunched over in a corner, snickering about something for the first part of your meeting. He was glad you got along with everyone so quickly.

With Peter it was easy too, even if the amount of Baby pictures he tried to show you was almost concerning. You handled it well though. And then it was time for the big boss fight. Miguel, who had menacingly stood in the corner the whole time, watching closely so you didn’t touch anything.

“If you manage to keep him under control I don’t have anything against you being here from time to time.”, Miguel simply said.

“I don’t keep him under control. No one can do that, trust me.”, you grinned, looking over at your boyfriend. Sure he was chaotic, constantly getting the both of you in trouble but honestly? “I wouldn’t have it any other way”, you lightly patted Miguel’s shoulder before moving back to Hobie. 

“Already done with meeting everyone?”

“You told me there was a cafeteria.”

“Now that’s what I like to hear.”

[midnight-bay-if]

(Follow up to the RO reaction ask where the MC had to do some fake dating for a mission, but it wasn't with the RO)

This is mostly for Taj and Umbra who were very unhappy about it but didn't directly comment on it to the MC like N as they can't enter their head. Though of course if you want to feel free to do it for everyone, as for the others I guess they may feel sort of guilty for their previous thoughts on it for different reasons and what not.

So... what if immediately after the mission, as soon as it's done and MC is back with the RO, they are like "sorry, do you mind waiting a bit before we chat, I need to take a long shower after that!" and going to do so without waiting? Cause like, they acted super professional and convincing about the whole thing during the mission, but it still made them feel utterly disgusted AND disgusting and they are literally miserable now. And well, it clearly shows just how bad MC feels about the whole thing - they can't even enjoy the feeling of a job well done after that. Though just as a mention, the person they had to do the pretend-date with didn't do anything wrong or bad! I'm really just talking about a MC who feels absolutely awful about even pretending to date someone who isn't the RO even if they were good at their job on the spot.

(So sorry about the wait! Hopefully, this is what you wanted. I turned them into two short stories. :) And they turned out much longer than I was anticipating, haha.)

Taj: Taj leans against the closed bathroom door, quietly listening to the water running from behind it. The moment you returned from the mission, you insisted on showering to wash away the icky feeling left behind by having to play pretend with someone else. Your response humbled them greatly. They felt... embarrassed. They were so angry, ready to pout, groan, and dwell in their self-doubt.

They never even considered the possibility that your experience had been even worse than theirs. Selfish. Idiot.

Taj sneaks a glance at the clock on the wall, pondering. It isn't too far away. If they run, they might make it.

With the decision made, Taj grabs their keys, pulls their favourite hoodie over their head, and rushes out of the apartment door. With quick footsteps honed over years of practice, they rush down the apartment block stairs two steps at a time.

At the bottom, Taj yanks open the main entrance for the apartment block, ready to rush out. The overcast sky doesn't appear particularly inviting, but if they are quick, they should make it before suffering its effects.

Pulling their hood tighter over their head to disguise their ears, they rush out into the street. Their feet pound against the pavement, sprinting to try and beat the trappings of time itself.

As they round the corner, they see the stand being gradually packed up. Taj picks up the pace, desperate to reach the elderly gentleman before he leaves.

"Wait!"

The man turns to look at them, eyes slightly wide as they take in their dishevelled appearance. "Can I help you?" He asks.

Taj inhales deeply, desperately trying to catch their breath as they take in the collection of homemade confectionaries on display. It's a stand you've spoken about often. The old man sells his homemade cakes, jams, bread, and an assortment of other goods all day on his stand to make enough money for his family. You always speak of the town's resilience with such... pride.

"Uh, yes," Taj says, biting their lip as their eyes search the goods. When their eyes are set on what they know to be their favourite treat, they sigh with relief. "I'll have two of those, please," they add slightly shyly.

The old man breaks into a grin. "Of course, of course," he replies, carefully bagging the items. "I've seen you before, haven't I?" He continues, scrutinising them carefully. "With MC."

Taj feels their cheeks warm slightly. "Does MC know everyone in this damn town?" They mumble irritably.

The old man laughs. "Pretty much. Those of us from this town take care of one another. Remember that."

Taj understands when they are being given a warning. "I will."

With that, the old man holds out the bag to them, a warm smile on their face. "Good luck to you, then. I know an apology when I see one."

Taj scoffs, though their eyes twinkle with something akin to amusement before setting off back down the street. They sprint as fast as they can, their eyes deadset on the direction of their destination.

Suddenly, the heavens open up, ready to serve their punishment. Rain pelts hard against them; they feel the water soaking through their hood and shoulders to the skin beneath.

"For fuck's sake."

They try not to bristle, keeping their feet moving despite droplets blurring their vision. Without thinking too hard, Taj shoves the bag beneath their hoodie to keep it safe from the elements.

With the apartment block finally in sight, they rush back into the building and up the stairs with superhuman speed.

Water drips onto the apartment floor as they fling the hoodie over their heads, keeping the bag tightly in their hands. The curls of their hair didn't survive completely unscathed, with water droplets gathering at the ends and dripping down to the floor below.

Taj runs a hand through the dark curls, shaking the water droplets out.

"Taj?"

They freeze, bag clutched tightly. They dare glance in the direction of your voice and see you standing there, towel wrapped firmly against you. They try not to stare. They have something to say first.

"Eh... I just... I-- Fuck," they groan, getting frustrated at their own stuttered speech. They hold out the bag to you instead.

"What's this?" You ask, gently opening the bag. The moment they see your eyes light up at its contents, they breathe a sigh of relief. "Is this from Mr. Dales stall?"

Taj coughs, rubbing their arm. "Yes? I couldn't remember his name. But I remembered you telling me about him."

The feel of your arms pulling them into a tight embrace, with a wide smile on your face, makes the wet hair, the burning in their thighs, and the uncomfortable conversation with a stranger entirely worth it.

"I'm sorry. I acted like a prick today," they mumble, tucking their face into the crook of your shoulder.

"You did?"

Taj scoffs. "In my head, I was an ass," they confess sheepishly. "I don't want to be that with you anymore. I want to do better. I won't always get it right... I'm fucked up, angry and petty, carrying a lifetime of hatred, but I want to try. With you. For you."

You stumble backwards slightly, a smile on your face. "Enough of that, you dummy," you say, caressing their face. "Let's enjoy these together, shall we?"

Umbra: Umbra paces the hallway outside of the bathroom. They hear the water running from the other side of the door, and the sound soothes the aching ball in their chest. It's not enough to stop their feet, but it's still pleasant to listen to. With pale fingers, they prod at the marks of their face, trying to determine whether they still stick in the ugly mask they wore at the event. They don't want to turn it on you, after all. It was for them. The one who prodded at you, laughed with you, dared to whisper so close to your ear...

No, no, no... Do not think of it. It was hard enough to smooth out the lines of their face the first time.

They find their mind catching on the way your lip curled in disgust the instant you returned home. You threw down your bag and coat onto the couch, mumbling and disgruntled. They didn't want to intrude on this moment with yourself, but they heard it regardless.

You didn't like pretending. It felt wrong.

It shames them. Seeing you with someone else created an ugliness in them they chose not to control, all while you were struggling to keep the smile on your face they cherish so greatly. How do they make up for that?

Before Umbrs can even question it, they pick up your mobile phone and search through the contacts, one button at a time. They hit the call button as soon as they see the name they were looking for. They can't afford to talk themselves out of this.

"MC? Is everything okay?" The gruff voice sounds out on the other end after just two rings.

"I... It is not MC."

"Umbra?"

"Yes."

Alek sighs, and Umbra can imagine how they are rubbing their face exasperated. "What is it? Why are you ringing from MC's phone?"

"I do not know what else to do."

"All right. Out with it. What's happened?"

"I... I am realising all the small ways I fall short. MC was unhappy today, and I did not see it. What good am I if I cannot even see that?"

A pause. A shuffle of material. Then, an exhale.

"Tell me about it, kid," Alek whispers, barely forcing the words through his breath. "It's a part of being alive. We don't always see the obvious."

Umbra almost quibbles with that bit of observation, but this conversation isn't about them. It's about you. "How can you tell? How do I ensure MC's happiness?"

"If I knew that, kid, these past ten years wouldn't have been so gruellin' for them."

Umbra shakes their head, clenching their free hand into a fist. "I cannot be you."

"Charming... but you are right. And you already aren't. Look, I don't know what happened today, but sometimes people are just unhappy. It happens. You can't always fix it."

"That doesn't seem fair."

"It isn't," Alek says through a sigh. "Now get off the phone to me and go talk to them. You have a habit of making a mountain out of a mole hill. Whatever it is you feel MC is upset about won't be solved by trapping yourself in your own head."

"I... Yes, I should. I am sorry."

"Stop apologising. You know how MC feels about the apologising."

"Right. Yes. Erm... Thank you, Detective Graves."

"Don't call again."

With that, the line goes dead.

Umbra tucks MC's phone back where they got it, just in time to hear the shower shut off from the bathroom. It doesn't feel like enough time; they still need to prepare what to say, how to express how today has made them feel, or how to prepare themselves to hear how today made you feel.

None of it matters the instant the bathroom door opens, and you are standing there, hair dripping, with a towel wrapped tightly around yourself. You are perfect—you are always so perfect.

"Umbra? Are you... all right?"

Umbra nods, then takes a deep breath. "Yes... Are you?"

MC raises a questioning brow. "Is this about earlier? I'm sorry for my mood. Today was just... a lot, and not a particularly enjoyable experience."

Umbra shakes their head, gently taking your much warmer hand in theirs. The feeling in their chest blooms as their pale, bony hands press against yours, and you do not pull away.

"It scares me," they begin, choking out the words. "The ugliness I feel when I see you smiling with another. It's grotesque."

"Umbra--"

"But I promised to be a person for you," they continue, a smile inching at the corners of their mouth. "I am sorry. I let my ugliness take hold today. You must have felt very alone." Umbra steps forward, pressing their forehead against yours. "If you like, we can talk through today together, or simply curl up together and forget about it all. Whatever you want, I will follow."

[starryalpacasstuff]

Fire (1996): A Mostly Spoiler Free Pitch Because You Should Watch It Immediately

It's time for "An Indian QL bulldozed past my expectations and I am reeling in awe", Part Two!

A few days ago, @neuroticbookworm told me about Fire, an old lesbian Indian movie she'd been wanting to watch. Me being me, I promptly tracked it down and settled in to watch it.

Very loosely based on the 1942 short story Lihaaf, the movie follows Sita, a newly wed bride who is settling in with her in-laws, which is how she meets Radha, who is married to her husband's brother. Both in unhappy marriages, they find solace and company with each other, quickly falling in love. Length: 1 Hour 40 Minutes TWs: Homophobia, C-word mentioned once, some depictions of domestic violence Release: 1996

The is almost entirely in English, and while one generally expects Bollywood movies to be in Hinglish, it's definitely a conscious choice here, which does make me wonder if the movie was supposed to be promoted to a greater international audience. You can find it here on Youtube, most of the (very few) Hindi dialogues have hard subtitles. I think it's also available on Prime? It wasn't available in India though, which is odd, but I didn't bother investigating. Let me know if anyone can figure anything out about this!

Going into this movie, I expected a melodramatic, emotional movie with a bittersweet tone. I did not expect a biting, incredibly engaging movie with excellent satire, symbolism, discussions of chastity culture, and an incredibly sweet, beautifully written romance. And I was certainly not prepared for how incredibly horny this movie is??? Both in subtle tension and overt sex scenes. There's also partial nudity, which again, completely unexpected. If you're going taboo, go taboo all the way I suppose. It's also very well directed, and while I'm not nearly as good at identifying details like that as some of the people on here, I did pick up on some colour coding and interesting framing. It's just overall packed with little details that I think a lot of us would have a field day analysing.

Honestly, I could talk about the cultural nuances in this movie for hours. Contrary to my assumption about the reasoning behind making the movie fully in English, the movie seems to rely on the viewer's understanding of North Indian customs to deliver a lot of it's messages, particularly with its satire, more on that below. While I don't think it's necessary to enjoy the movie, it definitely does add some meat to the story. Then again, I'm a biased party, so it'll be hard to determine just how many messages may be lost to someone from outside of India without someone to compare notes with (this is me shamelessly trying to get you to watch the movie). Honestly, I'd be 100% down to write a more detailed, spoiler-including post that goes into the implicit nuances if people are interested.

There's two main selling points for the movie; the incredible way it shuts down purity and chastity ideology and the absolutely adorable relationship between Radha and Sita. The movie is set on ruthlessly tearing down and emphasizing the ridiculousness of purity culture. A lot of the messaging is indirect and uses metaphors, but there's also several explicit scenes addressing the issue. It's one of the main themes of the movie and I'm almost convinced the real reason it's titled 'Fire' is the sheer number of burns it dishes out on this subject. The romance portion of this movie is one of the thing's that completely defied my expectations. It wasn't sad and dramatic, it was heartfelt and silly and adorable. There's several scenes of the two subtly flirting, laughing together and just being lowkey in love. But that's not to say there's no emotional depth—they're also there for each other and are quite vulnerable with each other.

The movie used a lot of metaphors, but my favourites were the almost satirical representation of mythological stories. In a religion as diverse as Hinduism, every holiday has two dozen stories behind it and each story has two dozen versions, so it's to be expected that you'll find a number of problematic or otherwise kind of ridiculous stories in the mix. The stories were told completely seriously, but the context of the movie highlights their absurd facets in a truly brilliant way. I'm not going to give too much away, but I will say, it was a delight to watch the juxtaposition of the myths and the storyline of the movie, particularly it's ties to the purity culture discussion. You'll understand when you watch it. I'm not turning this into a Hindu mythology lesson (yet) but one interesting tidbit is that Radha and Sita are both names of mythological figures; namely the partners of two of the most worshipped avatars of the god Vishnu: Krishna and Rama respectively. And I was overjoyed to find that their names do have relevance to the metaphors in the story, particularly Sita's.

When the movie was first released, there were massive protests against it, I'm talking hundreds of people storming into theatres to destroy them and drive away audiences. I don't know what to say here beyond this, but what I will say is that I think Fire is an amazing movie that absolutely does not deserve to be lost to the sands of time. I hope you give it a shot, and if you do, tag me in any posts you make about it!

Tagging people who seemed interested in recs from my last post, let me know if you'd rather I not tag you!

@lurkingshan @impala124 @bengiyo @letgomaggie @winnysatang

@watertightvines @nutcasewithaknife @blorbingqls @twig-tea

@waitmyturtles @cryingatships @benkaben @usertoxicyaoi

@befuddledcinnamonroll @flyingrosebeetle

[the-thing-of-worms]

EVERYONE SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!

Check this out this is the greatest entertainment in history

So, here's how it started:

This anon sent me an ask telling me my good friend @annotated-catastrophe was homophobic and racist, and that I should block her. You can see how I responded, wanting proof. This is the next ask I get:

These are some pretty bold claims you know! I asked for proof in DMs, and, excitingly enough, they came into my DMs with a burner account!!

I don't have many screenshots for this next parts, but me and @/redracecars start talking. They're still making a ton of really bold claims, saying Catastrophe is homophobic and "doesn't care about mental illnesses" but this really isn't enough to alter my opinion, kids, never believe someone you don't know just off of their word, even someone you do know shouldn't be trusted just off their word, that's why I asked dear redracecars to provide me evidence! A screenshot of a conversation, it's all I needed really, I even told them I would post the screenshot to show all my friends, and I'm sticking true to my word! I hope you see this from your main redracecar, I'm keeping my word.

Here's what they sent me after about 30 (?) minutes of waiting.

Annotated Catastrophe, under the side blog "Blueracecars" (where have we heard that name before??? 🤔🤔🤔) sent a ton of messages to our poor Redracecars.

One issue though, these were sent TODAY October 24th, 2024. AND WAIT- GASP - THESE MESSAGES WERE SENT AFTER I RECIEVED THE SECOND OF THE TWO ASKS??? SAY WHAT?? HAS ANNOTATED CATASTROPHE FINALLY MASTERED TIME TRAVEL?? ARE WE DOOMED WITH THE DREADED ANNOTATED CATASTROPHE AS OUR IMMORTAL TIME LORD??

Oh, wait,

Redracecars? Buddy? Did you not see that your messages with Blueracecars were timed to today, after when you first sent me an ask? Are you.... GASP??? A FAKER??? NO IT COULDNT BE!! REDRACECARS HOW COULD YOU!!! *Sobs and faints like a Victorian*

Hold on, hold on, let me see what blue race cars has on their blog, knowing Annotated catastrophe as I do she'll definitely have a lot of writing posts on this side blog... Huh... Wait

THESE ARE THE ONLY TWO POSTS ON THE BLOG? ANNOTATED CATASTROPHE WOULD NEVER! AND WAIT- SHE'D NEVER TALK WITH CURSE WORDS, SHE HATES SWEARING!! Redracecars you didn't even do a good job of disguising yourself! This is awful buddy, real embarrassing too, it really is .... It really sucks though because I started to realize what you were doing, trying to make a transgender person believe that one of their friends is a terf, trying to convince me she's racist, homophobic, transphobic.... Buddy are YOU a transphobe?? You blocked me before I could ask this but, Why are you so dead set on convincing me, a trans man, that my friend secretly hates me?? That's incredibly mean of you. The only thing in your heart, redracecars (or should I say purpleracecars since your red AND blue?) is malice. You only want to make people unhappy, is it because you're unhappy buddy? I'm sorry if that's the case but leave other people out of it, go touch grass, or better yet, go talk to a therapist about whatever you got going on. Your behavior IS NOT NORMAL!!!

And rest assured I'm sending this to my mutuals so they all know that there's some troll running about and trying to hurt people, because that's what you're doing, you're hurting people and I just KNOW you live for it. Go get a better life bro.

[manicpixiefelix]

seen and not heard

{ One-Shot for head, heart, hand. }

Summary: You are the weirdest person at this fancy event Felix's parents dragged him along to, and the only person his age apart from his sister. Turns out you're intriguing enough that he doesn't protest when his parents suggest you join them for a Summer at Saltburn.

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. I know the reader comes out as NB and changes their name to Y/N in high school in the main fic but suspend your disbelief.

A/N: 2211 words. FLASHBACK!! anon asked for a flashback to a core memory for young felix & reader, so here is their first meeting that ends with a core memory for felix. i love them both, id like to write more of them being young together in future. (also i was a little drunk while writing this, please forgive me xx)

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

----

Summer slips by from one sticky-hot moment to the next at the Saltburn estate. Felix still isn't quite sure what to make of you, even as he'd so callously agreed to have you in his home after meeting you at one of his parents' various functions. It had been one of the rare ones he'd been invited to attend, alongside Venetia, tasked with being on his best behaviour.

The hosts were friends with his parents - they always were - and he'd found himself on a boat. Early in the afternoon he'd found himself aware of your gaze on him and his sister, the two of them pinching canapes from passing waiters. Venetia had been trying to put as many as she could into her mother's purse without Elspeth noticing, but all Felix could do was eat them as quickly as he could, bored out of his mind from smiling as his parents showed him off.

Our beautiful boy, Felix, they'd said when people politely asked who he was, and our daughter Venetia is around here somewhere.

No-one came near you, by the railing, people watching and occasionally being brough a glass of orange juice in a fancy cup by various members of staff who would give you pitying looks. There weren't many others around his age; he wasn't even sure why he and Venetia were there at all. Eventually, however, he managed to slip away from his mother.

"How boring, right?" He'd laughed softly, but you'd shrunken back, glancing around, as if unsure whether you were even allowed to respond.

"It's for a good cause, isn't it?" It sounds rehearsed. You look more uncomfortable.

"I guess, I don't know," he shrugged, "why are you here? Your parents bring you along?" You're still avoid his eye contact, looking around at the other guests. You shrug kind of helplessly, before finally looking at him.

"You're Elspeth and Sir James' son; I heard them talking about you," then, as quickly as you'd turned to him, you look away, "I don't know if I'm allowed to talk to you."

"Why can't you talk to me?" He's growing more intrigued by the minute, watching you closely, which only seems to agitate you further. A slow smile spreads across his lips, "who are you?"

You shrug.

"That's not an answer," Felix relaxes further into the conversation now, leaning against the railing of the boat, looking over his shoulder at the waves breaking as it moved through the water in the sunset.

"I'm not anyone really, I'm just here," you try to smile, but it's awkward, it's like you don't quite know how. It's not upset or unhappy, it's just the truth you know it seems. Then, after a moment, your attention seems drawn back to the others. He follows your gaze, and sees his parents speaking to the people who'd been pointed out as the hosts at the start of the party. Something in their gaze is intense, but not unkind. His parents smile at him, and he watches the hosts manage a faint, awkward smile at the pair of your by the edge of the boat. They nod.

Beside him, he actually hears you let out a shaky breath.

"You're Felix Catton," you say so very softly, even though he'd never properly introduced himself, "your sister is Venetia and she's been in the kitchens for the past fifteen minutes; not sure how that's going to work out for her." He turns to you very sharply, sees the way you're watching him with a nervous energy, "I'm Y/N."

You're being very weird.

"I know everyone here. Sorry," you admit finally.

"I don't have to know everyone here," Felix frowns; he should probably leave, be too weirded-out to stick around, but something about you intrigues him beyond what he can say. You shrug, but it's easier this time, as is the half smile you give him.

"You're not me."

A strange creature. A marvel. He spent the next hour pointing out patrons while you rattled off not only their name, but any gossip you somehow knew about them, much to Felix's delight. Sometimes he'd catch you watching him, watching the way he'd smile and laugh at the strange details you'd manage to recall that would make you laugh, and he saw a fondness in your eyes that frightened him with how much he appreciated it.

The two of you spend the better part of the night together, which would be strange if he didn't catch his parents watching approvingly every so often. Venetia had been brought out of the kitchen by a waiter and was kept on a metaphorical tight leash by his parents, so they seemed glad he was just keeping out of trouble.

"How would you feel about Y/N spending some time with us over the Summer?" His mother had brought him the idea at the end of the night in the coach ride back to Saltburn. Venetia is asleep in her lap, curled up awkwardly, while his father sat up front with the driver.

So that's how you ended up at Saltburn that Summer.

You showed up, still a strange creature, still a marvel. You knew all the scripts, never slipping up even as Duncan loomed over you. Please and thank you and dressing up for dinner without having to be asked. Venetia giggled and called you a robot and an alien and Farleigh spent the first few days mocking how formal you were at every given interaction. Always asking, always delicate, always seeking permission.

But Felix sees through the nerves. Or, at least he hopes he does.

"I'm desperate for some ice cream," there's a good chance you're asleep, but he tries his luck, whispering through the shut door on the other side of your shared bathroom.

"Uh..." he hears from the other side.

"Do you want some?" It's late enough that everyone else is asleep, but he's rather desperate to see the side of you that had come out by the end of the event he'd met you at. Of course you're nervous when you open the door, but he smiles, and you smile back, sleepy but more genuine than it had been since you'd arrived.

"Are we allowed?"

"Probably not, but it's my house so who cares," and he grabs your hand and pulls you to the kitchen. Something about the way you laugh despite yourself hits him square in the chest.

In the day time, Elspeth gives you both concerned looks and asks if you slept alright. Every time you make a point of straightening your posture and giving her a bright smile and assuring her you're fine. Felix will yawn and give a thumbs up. The change you show in the day is gradual, it almost takes all Summer.

You learn to play with Farleigh and Venetia and Felix without seeming like a robot; you learn their rules and games and jokes. You watch until you can respond in the way they all want to hear, while still being perfect under the watchful eyes of Sir James and Elspeth. Everyone loves the way you shape yourself to fit into their world.

At night, however, you come alive with Felix.

Of course he already knows Saltburn like the back of his hand, but he's surprised by how quickly you learn to move silently, following his footsteps and stifling your giggling. There's something about him that makes you chatter honestly, rather than trying to say exactly what you think he might want to hear.

"Sorry, sorry," you apologise, the two of you having been cackling at an inappropriate joke Felix had been recounting. The two of you are laying in his bed, top and tails on his duvet, looking up at the ornate ceiling.

"What are you apologising for?" Felix's face hurts from how much he's been smiling. It's been happening pretty much every night now, he can't remember having more fun over Summer in his whole life, he has no idea why you're apologising.

But you grow quiet.

"I dunno," you say softly, and shift your knee to press into his elbow. A strange silence settles over you both, and somehow he knows that's not all of it, that there's more on your mind you don't know how to say, "all of it," you finally say, and try and laugh again but can't quite manage it.

"You're so weird," Felix sighs finally, dramatically, bringing levity back to the moment and sticking his foot in your face as you protest loudly.

"You're so gross!" You cry, glad that you two were the only ones on this side of the house, shoving him away, smacking and kicking just as he was too, until the two of you are scraping. Tonight you win, biting at his shins until he calls for a truce, and you grin in triumph.

This more human side of you bleeds into the daytime. You tease Venetia but help her rope Farleigh and Felix in a fashion show, just so she can tease up their hair and put them in makeup and sequins. You scrap and squabble with Farleigh in the lake but end up laying all over each other during movie nights with the rest of the family.

And Felix? Well it takes little time for the rest of the house to see how close you become.

There's always something fond, something almost proud in his parents' eyes when they see the two of you together now. They host little events over the Summer, and they start introducing you and Felix together.

"Our beautiful boy, Felix, and his darling, little friend Y/N; a friend of the family."

Still, you shrink away at events; you hide if you can get away with it. Felix always finds you, and then he finds Farleigh and Venetia and the four of you will often play cards in one of the quieter rooms you were all still allowed to be in for the duration of the party. At first he doesn't ask, but curiosity gets the better of him eventually.

"Don't like being looked at," you muttered, distracted as you frowned at your hand of cards. Venetia scoffs and Farleigh rolls his eyes.

"I'm not meant to be looked at," is the real answer you give when you and Felix sneak out of your rooms to eat leftovers at three in the morning. Sitting on the kitchen counter, you've got a plate of half-finished hors d'oeuvre between you. You're focused on the food, unable to look at him.

"What's that even mean?"

"Dunno," you shrugged, "just not meant to be looked at."

"I'm looking at you now," Felix leans in, opens his eyes as wide as he's able, and is rewarded by you cracking a smile when you finally glance at him, unable to help yourself.

"Not like that," you shove his face away, rolling your eyes even though you can't stop smiling, "like, there's people who matter at these fancy events that our parents go to, and people who don't matter, like they're people so of course they matter, but they don't matter to the people who matter, you know?"

"Kind of?"

"Like you matter because you're a Catton, but you don't matter because you're ten, but your parents matter-matter. Waiters don't matter one way or the other, which is mean but it's true at stuff like that," its starting to make more sense, but Felix can't help but watch how you're picking apart a cracker almost atom-by-atom as you explain, "and I matter because I- I, um," you stumble over your words, "because I just matter, but again, I'm a kid," you clear your throat awkwardly, "but I'm not really meant to even go to those things, and if I do, I have to really seem like I don't matter, like even less than a waiter; the least matter-ing person to not matter."

Then, finally looking up, you meet his gaze and apologise. There's something almost forlorn in your eyes.

Felix still doesn't know what to make of you in this moment. A strange creature. A marvel. Someone who matters, even if you're not meant to; someone he decides matters to him.

"You're being so weird," he grins finally. You burst out laughing, whole face lighting up, tension leaving you in an instant. It sets him off too, filling the kitchen with joy.

Sure, the two of you should probably be quieter in this moment, in the dead of night, but neither of you can bring yourselves to care.

Felix doesn't realise how this moment, this first Summer sticks with him. It takes him a long time to even bother questioning why it is that you start spending every Summer with them, how you convince your parents to let you join him at boarding school for secondary school after spending all Summer before talking about how cool it would be. In due time you will finally make total sense to him, but by then it won't even matter, it won't change anything about how glad he is to have you by his side.

Felix doesn't think about why or when he decided to make sure you knew that you mattered, but there's a little bit of it in everything he does.

[1d1195]

Traditional XI

You can read the rest of Traditional here.

Thank you so much for the love and support on this story. She and Harry have definitely turned into one of my favorite couples I've had the pleasure of writing about. As an aside, I will be posting a long overdue "how my taglist works" (because I a tumblr-elder and don't know what I'm doing anymore). But for those of you that have been tagged throughout the series, please check out the message at the bottom.

This is the final part (not including the extras I have lined up.) There's a bit of angst and a good bit of fluff. It follows part ten immediately and I also continued with marking the days/time because I think it made it a bit easier to follow.

Truly, really, thank you so much. Part 1-11 is 67k words and I’ve enjoyed typing each one. I hope you continue to enjoy reading. Without further ado:

--

“She gave it back,” he said stiffly. His throat was catching on to the words.

“Gave what back?” Niall asked curiously. “The apartment?”

Harry felt his entire body freeze over with a new fear that Niall mistakenly unlocked. It truly felt like his body was made of ice. He grabbed at his phone anxiously calling the apartment complex’s main line. He had to suffer through prompts before he could finally talk to a person. He asked if it looked as if anyone was moving stuff from his apartment (although he would have given it to her at this point).

Monday

“I’ll kill him,” Louis shouted, almost proudly as he entered the apartment. She shook her head and just burst into tears as she told him about all the things Harry did. While he was prepared to murder him, Louis’ heart softened with each task Harry completed to make sure his best friend was cared for. It was everything he ever hoped for the girl he thought of as one of his own sisters. He wouldn’t kill Harry. He couldn’t...not if he did all that for her.

Eleanor combed her fingers through her hair while the poor girl cried in her lap. Louis was frowning, glancing at Eleanor every so often as she spoke. “Babe,” Louis whispered when she finished her story.

She sniffled. “I don’t know why I did that,” she croaked. “That was so stupid, who does that? You should have seen the look on his face. He’s never going to forgive me.”

“Of course, he will,” Eleanor said easily shaking her head. Her voice was so solid, like she had already talked to Harry about it and knew with every fiber of her being. Louis crouched beside her wiping the tears out of her eyes as comfortingly as he could. “Harry loves you, darling,” Eleanor reminded her.

“Why was I so mean?” She choked on another sob. “I’d hate me. I was so heartless.”

“You were overwhelmed, love,” Eleanor promised. “That was a lot to take in, all in one day. But he meant the best and brightest for you. You have to believe that. Harry has never done anything but try to make sure you’re taken care of.”

She took in a shaking breath as more tears poured out of her; she was so unhappy with how she handled the whole day. Maybe she was overwhelmed. That would at least have made some sense. There was so much to be overwhelmed about. Everything she had been bottling up. All of which was threatening to burst because it just had to be one of those weeks where it all just piled and piled until it all crumbled down.

“Babe,” Louis whispered trying to stop the tears from falling but failing because they kept coming faster than he could swipe her cheeks. “C’mon.”

“I know you all went to the funeral for my dad,” she sniffled. She may as well have wallowed in the hurt a bit more. They needed to know she knew. “I know they had one...I saw it in the online obituary.”

They were silent for a minute. Louis didn’t move his eyes from hers for a moment. He pressed his lips together in a thin line. So of course, she knew she was right. They did hide it from her.

However, Louis wasn’t going to forget that she let them hide it. He stared at Eleanor for a moment; having some silent conversation that only the two of them could have. The entire time she continued crying. Eleanor gave her a comforting squeeze as best she could with her sprawled across her lap.

“I think you’re scared,” Eleanor whispered without addressing her comment about the services.

“El,” Louis’ voice wasn’t a whisper like it had been directed at the sobbing girl. His tone wasn’t gentle. It was like he was warning her not to continue.

“Scared of what?” She sniffed because she may have heard the warning in Louis’ voice, but she was already miserable. It couldn’t be worse than what she felt.

“Tell her, Louis. Tell her,” Eleanor begged. She turned her attention back to her best friend.

Louis reminded her so much of her brother, she wondered if he would have been as wise as Louis was if he were still around. Even for the goofball he made himself out to be, Louis was nearly sagely at his age. He was the one she went to for advice. The one she asked for help when she needed to get Harry a birthday gift. If she was stuck in the middle of nowhere, she was pretty sure she would still call Louis first. He was her best friend because he always knew what to say to her and even if it was hard to hear he always told her the hard truths.

She could see on his face that it was going to hurt to lay whatever he was about to say in front of her if only because she was already so heartbroken. “Being cared for,” he bit the inside of his lip, but he didn’t break his gaze with her. “You think it’s a death sentence,” he told her. His tone was soothing, even though the words were not. “Because when your brother came to get you, he tragically died. Don’t think I’m forgetting that. But then, your parents stopped caring for you...so it was like...you associated the two,” he explained. “And then, you didn’t tell me. So, in your mind, caring for you is a death sentence for those that love you.”

She was speechless. Her sniffles slowed, which allowed her to sit in the upright position, but Eleanor still had her arm wrapped around her shoulders. She swallowed as she listened to him speak without hiccupping on her breath. “Do you really think we wouldn’t have let you live with us?” Eleanor asked softly from beside her. “The only one that thought you needed to get your own space was you...and don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that you got Harry out of the deal, but you could have lived with us for forever,” she smiled gently at her.

She stared at the two of them and Louis looked at her tear-stained face with a frown. “Love,” he said so gently. “You have spent so long building up walls making sure you take care of everyone in your life because the last time you stopped taking care of someone else and had fun of your own, something horrible and tragic happened,” She looked away from him, sniffling uncontrollably. “But it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t. No matter how many times your mum says it was...no matter how many times you sit next to his gravestone and feel guilty for it. He would have gone and got you and he would have turned that steering wheel to protect you over, and over, and over again,” she couldn’t look at Louis when he talked about it. It was his best friend, and she just took him away forever...all for a party. “I would have done it for you, babe,” he promised. She hated the idea of that too so much that she let out another whimpering sob. “Now, so would Harry,” he told her, and the pang of anxiety at the mere idea Harry would fatally hurt for her rippled all through her body she felt sick at the idea...it hurt all the way to her toes and made her fingertips feel numb.

But Louis pressed on making it hurt even more but with every intention of making it better. “You can’t keep your guard up forever. You can’t stop people from taking care of you because you miss him and worry about the consequences of them taking care of you,” he said. “We all take that risk for someone we love,” he brushed the tears off her cheeks once more as they were finally slowing to a pace he could keep up with. She refused to look at him. But Louis wouldn’t accept that. “Babe,” he said turning her chin back to him. “Let someone else take care of you. Let Harry do it. You’ve done it for long enough.”

*

Tuesday

Niall found Harry throwing the lamp on his desk against the wall of his office so hard he was surprised the wall didn’t shatter. But the lamp certainly did. Nearly splintered into a hundred pieces. He flopped into his desk chair and hung his head practically between his knees.

“Christ, the two of you today,” he grumbled hoping to find Harry in better shape than his typically better mood intern. Obviously, that would not be the case. “What’s wrong?” He asked, closing the door.

Harry ran a hand over his face. He wanted to cry but he was at work, and he shouldn’t have. “She gave it back,” he said stiffly. His throat was catching on to the words.

“Gave what back?” Niall asked curiously. “The apartment?”

His gaze snapped up to Niall and he mouthed the word whoa. If Niall said it out loud, he didn’t hear it. He was shocked by the redness of Harry’s eyes, the withdrawn look. He knew it was bad when she could hardly keep track of what she was doing this morning. It was worse than when her coffee spilled all over her things a few months ago.

But seeing his best friend so distressed…

Harry felt his entire body freeze over with a new fear that Niall mistakenly unlocked. It truly felt like his body was made of ice. He grabbed at his phone anxiously calling the apartment complex’s main line. He had to suffer through prompts before he could finally talk to a person. He asked if it looked as if anyone was moving stuff from his apartment (although he would have given it to her at this point).

He was awarded the slightest bit of relief to hear the word “no” at the other end. It washed over him as he rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah, alright. Thanks,” he mumbled hanging up. He sat in his chair, and he glanced at Niall balling his hands into fists. “She gave back all the money,” he mumbled.

Niall did the easy and quick calculations in his head regarding the last eight or so months. “Whoa.”

Harry told him all about the reference calls, the graduation ceremony, and the lawyers’ meeting with her mum, and the good news. He told Niall how he paid for her student loans and kept all of it hidden from her. Harry tried to hide the tears in his eyes, but Niall knew they were there in his voice as he listened.

“Harry...you gotta just talk to her.”

“M’pretty sure she hates me.”

“That’s a load of shit, alright,” Niall said knowingly. “She loves you.” Harry felt his heart hoping a bit by way of fluttering against his ribs. He shook his head. He didn’t want to hope because she looked betrayed, and it was all his fault. Niall shook his head. “She’s all snively and you’re all angry. You two are quite the pair. You could have a show.”

He wanted to throw something at Niall, but he was too exhausted to hold his head up, let alone hold anything worth throwing—and he wouldn’t really throw something at his best friend. So, he sat there, devastated that she gave him the money back. It worried him to the core. It seemed his new fear of her leaving that apartment was going to be real, sooner rather than later.

And if she left Styles Incorporated…

“She said that you needed this today,” Niall shrugged and put a folder on Harry’s desk in front of him. He winced knowing she was still helping even when she was upset with him. “Tragic that I have to play messenger,” he shook his head. “I hope you talk to her.”

But Harry didn’t want to press. It was obvious he pressed too much and now he had to wait for her to forgive him.

Maybe.

*

Wednesday

She didn’t come to work.

There was nothing else to say.

There was nothing he could think about except that she didn’t come to work.

He didn’t get to see her. All day and an entire near-sleepless night. He impulsively shopped for items scheduled to be delivered the following day. Items he didn’t need but he needed to get for her...even if she never set foot in his house again.

There was nothing else he could think about.

*

Thursday

Niall brought his tea to him that afternoon.

So, a new nightmare plagued him, and he continued to think of nothing else but the distance she was putting between them.

*

Friday

For the second time in his life, and moreover, the second time within a year, Harry left work early. Niall was insistent. He was agitated beyond belief, his one meeting he was completely distracted that Niall did most of the talking. Harry’s company was substantial, but surely, she couldn’t avoid him on the entire floor.

But she did. She managed somehow to avoid him even when he kept going in and out of Niall’s office and thereby walking through her little space. But she wasn’t there a single of the seven or so times he walked through. At one point he walked in for the sake of walking in. Niall was on the phone with a client. Harry just shook his head and left before even registering the fact Niall was there.

It was after the meeting that Niall encouraged him to leave for the day. “I don’t need to,” he snapped at his friend. “Jus’ get on with it,” he muttered.

Niall sighed, blew a long breath out his mouth. He packed his belongings from off the table and patted Harry on the back. “Meeting’s over, Harry,” he said and left him alone in the conference room.

He knew he was in tough shape but not even realizing the meeting was over seemed bad even for the way he was feeling. Rubbing the back of his head, he headed once more to Niall’s office. This time he wasn’t surprised she wasn’t there. Harry apologized to Niall quickly, returned to gather his stuff from his office, and left for home.

*

“Harry went home, so you don’t have to keep hiding,” Niall rolled his eyes as she tentatively tiptoed into her office. He didn’t look up, so he didn’t see the way she nearly dropped all of the papers in her arms at Niall’s sudden (accurate) accusation that she was hiding.

She bit her lip and put the papers on her desk. Niall didn’t look up as she walked toward his desk. “I yelled at him,” she whispered.

“Good, he probably deserved it,” Niall said simply. “People don’t yell at him enough. Think because he’s CEO, he’s without a flaw,” he shrugged. “He’s not, I’ve never seen him finish one document on his own because he never remembers how to fill it out. The man can’t multiply to save his life—I always do the tip at the restaurant. He has a terrible signature on contracts. It’s embarrassing to sign my name next to his. Also, he has a terrible handicap even though he’s been golfing for at least seven or so years now,” he said as if that should be the reason that she could yell at him. He looked up and smiled at her because it was an attempt to make her laugh but didn’t seem to do the trick.

“He’s also really cranky when he doesn’t see you at night now,” this was much softer said. His voice quiet as he further explained this. “And he bothers me. Called me at one in the morning last night asking if I wanted a porch swing. Do you know he has an online shopping problem? It’s worst when he's upset. He panic-ordered three sets of dishware when you got burned,” he continued. Her heart fluttered at the mention of a porch swing. It shot through her like a bolt of electricity. That was because of her. She knew it. But Niall’s attempt still got him not even a smirk. “You should probably go after him,” he smiled at her sadly once more. “You need to talk to him.”

She shook her head. “He won’t forgive me.”

Niall rolled his eyes again. “Would you forgive him if this whole crazy scenario was reversed?”

She looked at her feet because she wouldn’t even need to forgive him. It would be a non-issue. “I see why Harry made you his sous-chef around here,” she muttered...because yes, of course she would. Probably before he even tried to apologize, at that.

“I knew there was a reason,” he winked at her. “Have a lovely weekend, darling,” he said going back to the documents on his desk.

“Are you sure?” She whispered after a moment.

“He loves you. I promise.”

“But all the other interns...the...companions. I’d be no different falling all over him.”

“He fell for you long before you did,” he told her simply.

She swallowed, blushing at the notion. Her stomach flipped with hope. “Do you know he went to the funeral?” She whispered.

Niall frowned because he didn’t know that, but he did know that had to hurt her. He looked back up to meet her gaze and he smiled gently at her. “Another reason you should yell at him.”

“You’re a really good friend, Niall,” she rolled her eyes.

“Can’t wait to be one of your best friends, love,” he winked.

She took one more deep breath, hurried over to Niall’s desk. She kissed his cheek as he worked. He smiled. “Sorry I’m taking your job,” she whispered to him.

He threw his head back a bit and laughed. “I’d like to see you try,” but he didn’t mind, really. It would be worth it to have her around.

*

The driver was waiting at the edge of the cemetery. She took her wedges off so she wouldn’t get them covered in dirt as she sat cross-legged on the ground. She fiddled with the flowers—Eleanor probably planted them. Or maybe even her mom. She was surprised because there weren’t as many weeds pushing through the ground as there should have been—especially when she took notice of the other stones nearby. “I think you’d really like him,” she whispered. Of course, there was no response. “Louis likes him,” she told him. “So...there’s that,” she shrugged. “And he has a porch swing,” she added. “We’re not even together and he still didn’t cheat on me, so he beat the last guy, y’know?” she smirked sadly. “I wish you could’ve met him...”

She paused, looking around the grounds for a moment before she continued. “If you look, you can see a car over there, yeah? That poor man has to follow me everywhere because Harry doesn’t want me to get stuck without a ride in inclement weather or something,” she whispered, smiled sadly. “I’m so in love with him, I swear I can feel it in the atoms of my heart,” her eyes watered. “I gave him all the money back. I want him to know that I’m not...I don’t want money. I just want him,” she told him. “I know you would probably hate the idea of me being in love with anyone...but at least I waited until college...poor El stuck with Louis for the rest of her life,” she sighed as if it really were a tragedy. But it wasn’t. She loved Eleanor and Louis so much.

“Niall said he’s really bad at golf though, so you could still make fun of him about something,” she let out a watery laugh. “I miss you...so much,” she whispered. “I hope Dad is happy again,” she glanced over at the nearby plot of land. “He missed you,” she sniffled. “We all miss you,” her voice cracked. “Okay...I’m gonna go grovel for forgiveness, now,” she said. “I’ll see you soon,” she kissed two of her fingers and pressed them over his name before getting off the ground, brushing the dirt off, and headed for the car.

“Are you alright, Miss?” He asked with the utmost concern. He was opening the door for her as she approached.

She nodded, sniffling, and wiping her eyes. “For now,” she sighed. “Can you bring me to Harry’s?” She asked.

*

Harry didn’t want to answer the door. But whoever was on the other side knocked, then rang the doorbell. Knocked again. Doorbell again. Persistent.

If it was Niall coming to console him, he was going to kill him, simple as that. “For fucks sake,” he grumbled marching to the door in an angry fit. “Niall, y’made me leave early, and I did. What d’you want?” He snapped loud enough to hear through the door before ripping it out of the way.

She flinched at his harsh tone. Her eyes were puffy and red. She looked so defeated as she turned her gaze to the ground. His heart hammered against his ribs in total shock that she was there. Left him utterly speechless. “I know this is stupid...” she started. “I’m sorry. It’s not enough because you deserve so much more than sorry. It’s never going to be enough, but I am so... very sorry. I was...” she shook her head. “It doesn’t matter what I was. What I said was so hurtful and so untrue. You have to believe that,” she was staring at her feet while she spoke. “Harry,” her voice cracked, and she was so worried it wasn’t enough. He didn’t make any noise and she was certain if he didn’t forgive her, she would die in that spot. “I know you didn’t mean anything by what you did other than to help me. But I don’t accept help very well... in case it wasn’t obvious. Especially when it comes to something like...my career or my...past,” she explained. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you; I shouldn’t have said such awful things and I would time travel back to that moment and slap myself for even thinking about speaking to you like that. It was horrible,” she shook her head. “I’ll beg every day for as long as you want if you’ll forgive me,” she whispered. “I am—”

Harry pulled her into his arms suddenly, one arm around her waist, the other snaking up her back to hold the back of her head. He clutched her against him as tightly as he could without hurting her or inhibiting her breathing. “You were already forgiven,” he murmured breathing deeply into her hair. He kissed the side of her face. She released a long breath and buried her face against the side of his neck.

“You shouldn’t give in so easily,” she sniffled clinging back to him like he was a buoy. Of course, he kept her afloat.

“I’ll yell at you later if that’ll make you feel better.”

She nodded. “It really would.”

He smiled, kissed the side of her head again. Harry wouldn’t yell at her if his life depended on it. “I jus’ want t’take care of you,” he promised. “That’s it.”

“I know, you told me that first day you messaged me.” He smirked thinking about how a year ago, she wasn’t in his mind at all. He didn’t even know she existed. Now, he thought about spending one second without her beside him and it seemed like full-blown torture. “Louis said I take care of everyone else because the last time someone cared about me, they died,” she said bluntly. “Seven years of therapy and Louis was the only one who said it,” she muttered. Harry was glad she was tucked below his chin because he couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face. It was incredible she could make a joke in even the saddest of circumstances. She took a shivering, heaving breath. Harry tried to pull back so he could see her, but she squeezed him in place. Like she didn’t want to say it while looking at him. He nodded in encouragement for her to continue. “People will know if you hire me. You’d literally be making a position for me. And so… I thought if I got a job elsewhere... we could…” she swallowed the lump in her throat. She tucked her face deeper in his shoulder. “I…uh...”

He pulled back this time and didn’t stop when she tried to hold him in place. He pressed his hand to the side of her face and rubbed his thumb over her cheek. “Thought we could be a real couple?” He asked softly.

Her cheeks turned red as ever and she nodded. “Yes,” she whispered.

He didn’t pause for even half a second. He didn’t want her to make her feel embarrassed or worried about anything regarding their future. “Kitten, m’so in love with you, I don’t care if we tell the entire world. I don’t care if everyone knows or if no one knows. All that matters t’me is that I love you so much.”

Her eyes watered and her heart melted. She didn’t know how to tell him she loved him so much it hurt but he said it so beautifully and without a care. She didn’t know how to articulate it as perfectly as he did. “They should really put a warning on that site about how you may accidentally find your soul mate.”

He managed to smile this time for just a mere moment as she spoke; his heart skipped beats waiting for her to say she loved him back. While she didn’t say it exactly as he thought she would (but when did she ever do what he expected?), it was exactly what he wanted her to say and meant just as much if not even more.

Then he kissed her so deeply he thought he might bruise her lips. But if he did, he thought she might not even mind.

*

Harry lifted her legs, so they were wrapped around his hips. He carried her all the way to the kitchen, pausing only to kick the door closed. He settled her on the counter and started looking for some medicine. He didn’t ask if her head hurt because the redness in her eyes told him it was aching.

“You have t’take the money back,” Harry said leaning down to take her shoes off as she swallowed the medicine. He tossed them toward the TV room. “I shattered a lamp over it,” he stood back up and kissed her again on the forehead.

 “Niall told me,” she smirked at him. He stood between her knees.

“Can’t have any secrets with him,” Harry muttered.

She giggled and Harry pressed his lips to hers again then pulled back so he could hold her face between his hands. He smiled at her with a shake of his head. “God, you’re beautiful,” he mumbled.

“Mm... the bloodshot eyes? The tired dark circles? The gray skin? That does it for you?”

“M-hmm,” he pressed his nose along the side of her face inhaling the mixture of her hair and soap. He didn’t cater to her insults to herself. “Take the money back,” he mumbled into her ear and pressed a series of kisses down the length of her neck. She shook her head trying to ignore the dizziness she felt from his lips on her skin. “Please kitten,” he was begging. Objectively, it was adorable. But she couldn’t accept it.

“Baby, you can’t pay me a salary, pay my student loans, and let me live here all—”

“You’re going t’live here?” He pulled back from her neck suddenly with a sparkle in his eyes that made it look like he was a little kid. Like it was Christmas, and he was getting the sled he asked for.

Her face was definitely not gray at that moment. She was completely blushing almost beyond recognition at her mistaken words. She shook her head quickly, trying to backtrack (uselessly). “No! I meant the apartment! I didn’t say that—”

“Please, please, please,” he now for sure, full-on begged. “Please live here, kitten.”

Her heart fluttered and she bit her lip trying to recover from how much she had revealed by accident. “Well...what am I supposed to do with all my great IKEA furniture?” She asked.

He rolled his eyes and pressed his face back into her neck. She wrapped her arms and legs around him clinging to him. “Throw it out, of course.”

“You’re so mean.”

He nodded against her and sighed, so happy she was there. So happy she was all his. “The meanest,” he assented. “Please live here,” he mumbled kissing the curve where her shoulder and neck met.

“You do have a porch swing,” she amended verbally but as if she were weighing the consideration in her head. His lips on her skin had such an effect on her it was hard to stand her ground or concentrate on joking around with him about the idea. “Speaking of—Niall told me you asked if he wanted one. Are you getting a new one or someth—what’s that?” She asked, glancing out the window as she spoke. She pushed him away immediately, rushing outside. She stood on his porch in total shock staring at his newest purchase before she turned back to him with a curious expression.

He followed behind her and stood in the doorway. “You said you would sleep out here if you could,” he shrugged. “I thought I’d make it possible...in case you ever came back.”

Where her favorite porch swing used to hang, was now a spacious, gorgeous, porch bed with so many pillows, so many blankets, and it nearly looked comfier than her lovely mattress back at the apartment. Her eyes watered and she swallowed so hard because she knew she had said that nearly three months ago in passing. And he remembered. So even when she wasn’t speaking to him, it was enough that he did something for her without knowing if she’d really be back. “You are something else, Harry.”

“Wait till y’see my new canopy bed,” he smirked feeling his cheeks warm at her compliment. Her heart nearly stopped because the canopy was mentioned almost nine months ago and the idea that he remembered anything from nine months ago was...well it was very Harry and very perfect.

“Baby, I love you and your impulse shopping so very much,” she whispered unable to look away from that beautiful reminder of how much he adored her. It made her feel so light that he cared for her so much. Now that he did, it was hard to imagine not feeling like this ever again.

Harry had other ideas though. He twisted her so quickly, her breath caught in her throat. He turned her back to face him and not the new bed. One arm wrapped around her waist, and he brought his other hand to her cheek in the one instant that she couldn’t even stumble because Harry had such a tight hold on her. He smiled at her, as if he was just told he won the lottery. Truly, he felt like he did. “Say it again,” he mumbled pressing his forehead to hers, his lips almost brushing hers as he spoke. She smiled shyly, the heat coming from her cheek warmed Harry’s hand.

“Say what? I love you?” She asked looping her arms loosely around his neck. He nodded silently and kissed the tip of her nose. “I love you,” she grinned so cutely Harry thought he would burst.

“Again,” he mumbled smiling as he carefully squeezed around her waist to lift her just so her toes hovered above the ground. She giggled.

“I love you.”

He kissed her left cheek. “More,” he inched toward the new outdoor bed.

“I love you,” she whispered, giggling more at his sweet request as he kissed her right cheek.

“Again,” he repeated.

“I love you, so, so much Harry Styles,” she whispered, holding his face between her hands, and Harry laid her back on the bed and kissed her again, fully on the lips with no intention of leaving that space for the rest of the weekend. Or until she asked to go see the canopy bed.

Whatever she wanted.

--

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[williamrikers]

thoughts on the first episode of 4 minutes

everyone seems to be doing these now, so i'll join in bc i need a way to process what i just saw. putting this under a cut bc of spoilers—if you are familiar with boc's other works (especially kinnporsche and dff) i strongly recommend you try and avoid spoilers before watching! i watched this episode not knowing what was coming and That Scene made me shriek so loudly i probably scared my neighbours. ANYWAY.

okay let's get the big thing out of the way first. bas and fuaiz. HOLY SHIT. i was literally pausing the whole time to text my friend just "WHAT" over and over. They Did That.

let me break this down. boc took one look at the current politics regarding shipped couples in bl, said "yeah we're not doing that" and let bas and fuaiz have a whole entire sex scene. (while gmmtv, for example, let phuwin and thor not even touch lips on wednesday club because phuwin is part of a sacred Shipped Couple.) AND WHAT A SEX SCENE IT WAS!!! i am pretty sure we're gonna see everyone's bare ass over the course of this show. if this is what they're showing us in the very first episode for a couple who i'm guessing might not be endgame?? i mean. damn. what will jes and bible get up to??? mark me down as scared and horny 🫣

sex in boc shows is usually pretty explicit but in this case it's also. just a thing two people do? it's not romanticised. it's strongly implied that tonkla is having sex with korn because korn is paying him for it. korn is older and from an incredibly rich family, and while they were sweet with each other and obviously both enjoyed it, it did feel like a transaction a little bit.

what i found most impressive about this scene was that we got to see tonkla being left alone afterwards and then visibly dealing with that. we could watch him processing—i don't think i've ever seen this kind of post sex unhappiness depicted in bl, and it was so beautifully subtle! we don't yet know whether tonkla was just unhappy with how that particular evening went or if he is unhappy with the arrangement as a whole, but Something Is Definitely Up and it is so incredibly intriguing.

while we're talking about korn, the family dynamics in this show have me in a chokehold. bas and bible as brothers was a genius casting choice, they really do feel like siblings, they have a very sweet vibe together while korn is obviously worried about his younger brother. the whole deal with their father's illegal business of which korn only learns when he is supposed to manage it, the way korn treats his father in general, korn's mother having passed away shortly after his birth and korn being raised by his step-mother (great's mom), it's all so incredibly juicy. bas just has so much presence on screen, he is an absolutely wonderful actor and at this point, i am almost more invested in his story than in the main story 🤭

speaking of which: love that bible got one of his cats to act with him 😂😂 thailand's number one cat dad. but yeah, i am Intrigued, i am seated, i am so happy to be alive to witness this. i don't think there's a lot to be said on this yet bc most of the episode was exposition and great learning about his new powers, and also the narrative tying them to near-death experiences so that we know what we're dealing with going forward. (shout-out to job here bc it was so nice to see him again and also so weird to see him as a character who is actually smart haha 😂)

the production value of this show is off the charts. the first scene of great being pulled back in time was ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING. literally the best i've ever seen out of thailand. boc are taking their craft very seriously and it is just such a joy to watch.

also, the numbers everywhere! it got to the point that i was like, oh of COURSE she is in room number 4, WHERE ELSE?? 😂😂

i am so seated for this show. like i cannot express how seated i am. BRING IT ON, BE ON CLOUD.

[wixhing0nastar]

Okay, so I'm thinking about where Arcane's second season is going to go, specifically in terms of what's happening with Vi and Caitlyn, and I've got some thoughts about how the first two acts might play out.

This is largely based of the scenes from the trailer, which are all likely from the first act/first three episodes of the season, plus what we know about Vi leaving (again) and having her angsty goth phase during (I believe) the second act... plus I'm a league player and Caitlyn is one of my mains, so I know lore-wise where her and Vi's relationship goes.

Specifically, that of all the relationships in the show (romantic or otherwise) they're the only one we know gets a good/happy ending... most of the other ones get at best a lukewarm ending if not an outright tragic one.

So we know in the first act it looks like Caitlyn and Vi, along with a small team, are going into the Undercity to try to apprehend Jinx. This post actually did a really good job of picking out some of the details about how that's all going to go down, but I remember reading it over the first time and then wondering to myself how do we go from Caitlyn getting hurt and looking haggard from the fight to Vi up and leaving again?

And then I realized there's a component I've seen a lot of people forget about when trying to theorize about this... and that's Warwick's existence, aka: Vander's reanimated corpse.

An interesting fact about Warwick, part of his thing in canon is that he's attracted to/can smell Shimmer and attacks people who've been using it... like Jinx and Vi (remember the cure Caitlyn had to get for her stab wound... the one that had a drop of Shimmer in it?)

I think that things are going to go wrong because Warwick/Vander shows up on the scene and attacks everyone, specifically focusing on Vi and Jinx since they're the ones with Shimmer in their systems...

And I think that at least Vi (and probably Jinx) is going to see him and put the pieces together and realize what Singed did to him and that's going to cause Vi to have a bit of a psychotic break just like Jinx did.

Because while Jinx is the obvious one with mental health issues, Vi's also clearly got her own issues. While they were caused in part by blood loss, Vi has also had hallucinations and seen things that weren't there (Powder, their mom, Vander, and we know in this upcoming season; Caitlyn). 

And I think that Caitlyn is going to be struggling with her own grief after her mother's death and the weight of trying to keep everyone safe now that she's sheriff that she's not going to realize what's going on with Vi at first and she's too emotionally exhausted to keep trying to fight Vi and get her to stay (we mostly talk about the not breakup in the rain, but there were actually four separate times in the first season Vi tried to leave Caitlyn behind).

And that's the first act, paralleling the end of season one's first act where Vi's separated from her loved one. Then the second act starts, continuing to parallel the first season we have Caitlyn doing work and investigating and then something happens, too many variables to be certain, and she ends up chasing Vi down anyway.

And it's a pseudo redo of Vi (and Caitlyn) trying fo find Powder in the first season, only now it's Caitlyn looking for Vi who's hurt and upset and alone... and then we get a parallel reunion scene (with a possible heartbreaking "are you real" from Vi this time since we know she's hallucinating Caitlyn) and then Caitlyn drags Vi back topside to see a doctor and get the help she needs... no idea what's in store for act three though, total mystery there tbh...

But while I know the show has a unhappy ending, it's important to remember that the show itself isn't actually about Vi and Caitlyn's relationship (though it's a large part of it). It's about Vi and Jinx's relationship, it's their origin story after all, one that we know for sure ends in tragedy... while Vi and Caitlyn's doesn't... which gives me hope in that regard at least.

[hybbart]

i love your magical girl designs for the seablings, could we get some more info on the choices of colour and stuff? i'm super into character design and love seeing peoples thought on stuff like that ^^

Sure!

A big influence was precure, obviously, as a fan. Many palettes aren't too far off from various precure if you look for them. I am generaly a bit unhappy with the mishmash of 20 different colours used in modern cures, but they did help me be a bit bolder with choices as I'll talk about later. I also tossed out their "avoid green as a main colour" rule like everyone else. I have no idea what sort of wack marketting advice convinced every girls show that girls don't like green and we probably will never know. Irrelevant...

My first step was assigning each mode its own colour. Since they're a duo I was tempted to do either contrasting or complimentary colours, but that went out the window quick. E1 seablings already had very distinctly assigned colours of green and purple, and they were the easiest that I already had ideas for, so I tossed that and just tried to not have them overlap. I still ended up with green, cyan, AND blue as main colours but I adjusted it with the secondary colours.

For the e1 seablings outfits it was primarily colour picked from my actual designs for the codfather and ocean queen, but tweaked to be more saturated, so their main colour theme is green (pink secondary) and purple (blue secondary). It's also when I decided to give them a highlight colour in their hair, as is popular with modern magical girls, since my codfather design already has this. (Also I stole the veil from cure Spicy. Her little veil/napkin hat I immediately fell in love with and thought it would work as a lily pad like hat on Jimmy when designing him, and it fit well with the slight wedding theme I gave them.)

Lizzie's colours are pretty much just various shades of purple and and blue based on her axolotl ocean goddess design. Jimmy's colours are supposed to be like a water lily, of course, and I made the greens less sickly than his codfather design which are meant to be more swampy and go with the browns of the cod. Both the seablings' secondary coloura are references to each other in this btw, as is the case in my codfather design to designate him as the ocean queen's family. Jimmy isn't inherently associated with blue in this au but I did manage to slip it into all three designs since outside of it he is.

The life series designs were veeery easy for Jimmy and much more difficult for Lizzie, but the actual colour choices were both easy once I worked out a design. Lizzie never had an actual skin for her faerie fort self, and her base skin is purple just like the ocean queen, which is also the case for her clothes in e2, so this is where I started taking liberties with her and assigned her other things and desided to throw out the idea of the colour palettes being in neat little boxes. This is the closest to a rainbow cure they get, but I made Lizzie's official main colour cyan and secondary green. Jimmy by contrast is the most monochromatic he gets here, with a main colour of blue and secondary yellow.

Butterfly Lizzie is actually the only time I had multiple palette ideas that I had to make a hard choice between because I liked them all so much, usually I was struggling to find shades I enjoyed being paired since I don't usually work with such saturated palettes. I guess it's fitting, since cyan/teal is minecraft's bets colour that's easy to slap on any build to make it look elegant. Jimmy's palette itself was pretty easy, took a lot of notes from cure sky for him in colour AND design, but it was a matter of where to put what colours. I think I changed the colour of his shorts more times than any other article.

E2 designs were the first I actually designed and thenthe last ones I made palettes for. Their main colours were red and orange... which are quite difficult to work with in such high saturation, and especially with trying to avoid overlaping. I ended up using very unconventional palettes way out of my comfort zone. Brown in general is very unconventional for a magical girl, but there's been a few curea like cure chocolat and cure wing that utilized it that gave the inspiration. It was an easy decision to make her hair and ears based on her calico design after that, though I had trouble deciding exactly where to incorperate the brown into her actual outfit. The purple just came very natural after that. I often use purple instead of actual brown for dark browns so it made sense to me, at least. It was a nice pop against the orange and also contrast the yellow.

E2 Jimmy is the one I am least satisfied with. It was the only one that was not based off his skin the same way Lizzie's weren't. I still look at it and think if theres anything else I could try. By far the most difficult. Red's a very bold colour so it's hard to match without just using different tones of red, and the wrong shade would make the whole rhing look off. I also already knew I wanted yellow/orange in the design because of the sherrif star, but I didn't want it to be his life design with a different primary colour. I decided to try incorperating his blue, and I like it in concept but I still am not sure about the specific shade. After that I thought to add green to make it that classic childish primaries colour, make the design like a space cowboy almost. The star on his hat, the hat in general actually, ended up being the biggest help to decide.

At one point I experimented with a full on rainbow theme but it did not work out. I think it could have with a slightly different design and somekne better at picking colours, but I scrapped it. I also decided to use a lot of darker shades since red is already so bold and bright. Still unhappy with the pants, but white was just a bit too bright and the secondaries were too bold to use. This was the only time I actually messed with the design itself to try and help make colours work, but it didn't work out. I'd say overall I'm happy enough with it but I could have done a lot better.

Also I decided to adjust Lizzie's pink hair slightly with each to match the palettes. I was trying to avoid it, but it's so pink and there's so much it really affected the rest of her design a lot, so I made her e2 hair a more salmon pink and her life design a more bubblegum pink.

As for their wands I just went with an unobtrusive white and pastel rainbow colour scheme. The white matches their outfits and the rainbow doesn't clash too hard with anything. Joel I obbiously just made green and Norman was a bit more awkward but I went with a grey to match the real Norman since a full blue palette made him look like a generic cat faerie and not specifically Norman.

[alkeneater]

E!2080 factbook (that's what i'll call it): brainwashing 😵

I wanna talk about brainwashing because it’s kinda important for my story and sometimes explains some clones’ behavior :) This topic deserves some attention :p 

In general, in my AU we have a cult atmosphere in the Shadow Tower, BUT it's not really a cult. The main goal of the Shadow Government is to grow clones into worthy leaders and soldiers, but at the same time loyal and stupid enough to make it easier to manipulate them. Various methods were used: working with corrupt psychologists, inciting hostility between clones, fake rumors, fake news on fake TV, fake books on the shelves next to the real ones, and of course the scare tactic.

Their favorite manipulation is obviously, “we're doing this for your own safety, the world outside is cruel,” and clones were sitting in the tower like princesses from fairy tales, yeah. You got me, right? Lots of manipulation. But despite the approximately equal attitude towards everyone, it still affected different clones in different ways. Perhaps some biological factors played a role, which I doubt, BUT Scudworth's influence on the clones also helped some to stay sane. I've said this a hundred times, but Scudworth LOVES his clones and he doesn't like the operation he was forced to participate in. Therefore, he did everything possible to prevent them from becoming puppets of the shadow government (he had his own methods, but I'm too lazy to describe them).

So, let's get to the point. I mentally divide all the clones into sane, deviant and ZOMBIES (or brainwashed). Sane people are those who have their own position, are less influenced by the Shadow Government, understand the danger of the situation and want to gain personal freedom. Zombies are people who are doomed to stay in the tower and be used by Shadow Figures for their personal purposes, because their perception of the world is completely turned inside out and will not be the same anymore. Between them, the deviant ones are usually clones who have some disorders due to trauma after living in the tower, but they are still aware of the whole situation and basically refuse to be someone's slaves. Now that we have a rough idea of the spectrum, I want to discuss with you which clone is where on this spectrum.

I was smart enough only to distribute the main characters (and a couple of secondary ones). Most of them are closer to sanity in the spectrum, but they tend to deviate due to psychological trauma, obviously. I want to mention Joan as an example, because although she is the “brains of the team”, she is prone to Stockholm syndrome and, as shown in the first part, sometimes remembers “home” and regrets what she did. That’s why she is not 100% sane.

But I definitely will have a team of complete zombies in the comic who will condemn the main characters for fighting, recruit other runaway clones and try to return them to the tower. Yes, there are clones who were initially against escape and were content to live in the tower, but now they survive on the streets and are extremely unhappy with the situation. But I don’t know who could it be.… But these are definitely clones from the extras, episodic or secondary! You can even suggest your own fan clones, just for fun! (Reminder: My AU is open to everyone and your fan clones can participate in the story, and they can be in any part of the spectrum!). 

That's it. I have nothing to add… ask me questions about my AU if you want, I’ll be very glad to answer! 

and read exclamation!2080 on globalcomix ofc!!! :p

[your-gym-partner]

Stuff that was never addressed and/or elaborated on in TUA (now that it's over):

- Sloane??? Where is she??? What became of her in this season's timeline and why did Luther so easily give up on looking for the love of his life???

- Dave. You get a 2 second shot of Klaus fishing his dog tags out of the box and that's it

- Ray. 1 throwaway line about him walking out and, like Dave, that's all we get

- Was Sy always Abigail?

- What the fuck exactly was the Interdimensional Train Station?

- How did Jennifer end up in the squid???

- What happened to other Ben, who was shown in the post-credits scene of S3?

- Why did no one talk about how, when they got their powers back, they were wonky for some of them? Luther developing his ape body? Lila having laser eyes? Viktor being able to laser blast people now? Five only being able to jump to the (again, very much unexplained) subway station?

- Lila having family in the US? And also having three kids, 2 of whom are only ever referred to as "the twins"?

- Klaus being kidnapped, used for sex trafficking, and then buried alive. No relevance to the overarching plot whatsoever

- Also Claire was just kinda there? Like, you could have removed her from the season and pretty much nothing would've changed. Isn't it Writer's Rule #1 that if a character can be taken out of a series and it in no way affects the show then the character is unnecessary to begin with?

- What do we want? Allison to have an actual sit-down conversation with her family (namely Viktor and Luther) about what she did! Did we get it? NO!

- The Writers: Oh yeah, Viktor plays violin. Nothing more, just wanted to remind you that he did that at one point

- The extremely unnecessary Five/Lila/Diego love triangle bullshit. Just put a bullet to my head, it would be kinder than this

- I'm just bitching at this point, but fuck you I'm mad and need to get this all out

- The Commission what? The Commission who??

- So only the main Hargreeves had to sacrifice themselves? What about the other babies born because of the Marigold??

- Klaus discovered he could levitate, something fans have been waiting years for. This ability is then only utilized twice (2)

- Diego and Lila being written as a kickass, in-sync power couple: NOPE!

- Diego and Lila being written as a discordant, deeply unhappy couple: YEP!

- Five, after spending every previous season trying to protect his family or just be with them even if the world is ending, decides to fuck-off entirely while having an affair with his sister-in-law

- Diego isn't fat??? I count 0% body fat on that man! What the fuck was with all the fat jokes!?!

- Were the characters in a steamroller accident? Because they were FLAT AS FUCK THIS SEASON

- Writer A: Hey, what should we do with Luther and Diego for an episode?

Writer B: IDK, put them in the CIA's basement or something.

Writer B: Oh, but don't forget to have them discover that Five's boss is a member of The Keepers!

Writer A: Of course! No way silly Five would've ever figured that out super easily on his own!

- Why was Luther living in the condemned Academy?? Just have him have a shitty apartment or something!