#i just think its fascinating. the way people are structured and the way people move....

[forecast0ctopus]

How did you get so good at anatomy yours is genuinely so so good

thank you, i really appreciate that !! even though i simplify a lot of shapes and make things a bit cartoony i am a big fan of anatomy and physiology.. i just think its neat……

things that have helped me get the hang of it:

learning the relationship between the skeletal system, the muscular system, and how they interact to make you move

going out anywhere and sketching people from life – they dont have to be any good, just the action of doing some quick sketches helps you get a feel for the shapes. i have so so so many awful sketches but thats just part of it lmao

getting really invested in media and making a shit ton of fanart helps because it gives you a ridiculous amount of practice sdksj

once you kind of get a feel for it you can mess around with it. im definitely not the authority on anatomy and i put shape/flow over accuracy a lot of times, but just. same as every skill, an absurd amount of practice will always make for improvement

[noodlesarecheese]

So Watcher is launching a Dropout (it's not called Dropout but they're clearly using the same template format platform thing idk what it's called, and the same pricing structure), and the reaction so far has been wildly different than what I remember from Dropout's launch. I was curious about why that was or if I was just misremembering the Dropout launch, so I went back to the Dropout launch video to compare them and I think I can see where some of the difference is coming from.

If you want to make the comparison yourself: Watcher's Video, Dropout's Video.

I wanna clarify first though that this isn't a knock against Watcher or the fans who are reacting one way or another or anything like that, I genuinely am just fascinated with how different the reactions are to what seems to be the same business decision. This also isn't a 'wow watcher sucks and dropout is so much better' I'm just using them for comparison because they did the same thing with different results. ALSO this isn't about the business decision itself, just the presentation! Disclaimers out of the way, here's the analysis.

Title and Thumbnail So the Watcher.tv announcement video is titled "Goodbye Youtube" and the thumbnail is Ryan, Shane, and Steven sitting on a couch looking serious, with a dark background. That really makes it seem like they're quitting (which, ok, they are quitting youtube but not quitting quitting). Viewers are already primed to be upset, and it's easier to go from upset to angry than upset to excited, curious, or neutral.

Compare to the dropout announcement video: "How the Internet is Ruining Comedy" - inline with other collegehumor video titles, might make you curious. Thumbnail - Big News! with Sam smiling and a bright background. We know its big news, but he looks happy, and the exclamation point let's us know they want us to be excited. Viewers are primed to be curious and excited.

Tone The Watcher announcement has 2 main tones. The first half is very sentimental, almost sad or wistful at times, and while there are parts that veer into pride at achievements, it's mostly bittersweet and sentimental. The second half is a bit more uplifting, but still quite serious. It reminded me of a tech announcement, like when they introduce the new iphone or something like that. Very professional, sleek, and serious, which isn't automatically a bad thing! But I do think that's not the vibe a decently-sized chunk of the audience expected or wanted. Many people watch Watcher for the cast's dynamic with each other, humor, and the more relaxed/conversational/friendly feel that most of the series have.

Compare to dropout - excited and comedic tone. Still professional, but also fits the expectations of the viewers. People watch collegehumor for the humor (it was in the name, after all). They also poke a bit of fun at themselves, which lightens the mood, shows self-awareness, and alleviates some of the bad feelings about paywalling.

Focus The Watcher announcement focuses a lot on the creative journey of the cast and company, as well as how this move will benefit them. Which isn't a bad thing, that's actually quite interesting! The problem here, I think, is actually more about what isn't here - a solid explanation of how this will also benefit the viewers and why the viewers should be excited. There's a brief description of one new show, and the promise that existing shows will get an upgrade, but we weren't given many specific details about how they'll be improved, and there's only one new show to tempt us into subscribing. Some people will be excited for that, some people won't, and some people will be excited but not enough to subscribe. Having 2 or 3 series (even if it's 1 fleshed out plus a few teasers of what's in production or what is being planned) plus some more details about how existing shows will be improved would've helped. Without that, it really does seem like it'll just be the same stuff viewers were getting for free, but now paywalled, rather than new and exciting stuff. That makes a big difference. I think with the fans not getting as much focus, this also led to some (accidental, I hope) hurt feelings. Based on what I've seen from fan reactions, all the talk about hitting the peak of what they can do on youtube and wanting more, translated for many people to 'youtube isn't enough' which became 'you (the current viewers) aren't enough.' Which I don't think was their intent! But I also don't think fans are wrong for feeling hurt by that.

Compare to dropout: They clearly explain how the move will benefit fans, and reassure viewers that existing content will stay where it is, and only new content will be behind the paywall. (Watcher clarified this too, but in a comment. It's not in the video itself, which is a huge problem.) They include clips of several new (at the time) series that would be premiering on dropout, including things that specifically could not be made on youtube (due to weed, violence, and sexual humor), so the reason for the shift is clear to the audience.

Advertisers Both videos contain the sentiment that being monetarily successful on youtube means working to appease the advertisers, and that over time what the advertisers want and what the creators want drifts further and further apart, putting strain on the creators.

However, I think the message gets lost a bit in the Watcher vid. Instead, it leaves viewers with the idea that the main problem is just ads are annoying instead of advertisers putting constraints on content. I'm not even sure what the specific constraints are for watcher, because they didn't give any examples. And the focus on ads being annoying leaves viewers frustrated because people typically either don't mind ads or they already have an ad blocker.

Timing and Size Okay, this isn't exactly about presentation, but it is still a factor that impacts perception so I'm tackling it. And I'm actually going to do dropout first. CollegeHumor launched dropout in September 2018. Pre-pandemic, but also pre-Sam Reich as CEO. The company was still owned by IAC. It was a Company, and while it wasn't huge it wasn't tiny either. So launching dropout was a Company Decision, a Business Strategy. Some people were upset about, but it wasn't a personal betrayal (generally, anyways). If I remember correctly, this was also not a high point for the company. They kinda needed dropout to do well to keep things running smoothly (which is why they shut it down and sold it to Sam just 1 1/2ish years later), so the sudden shift made sense.

Watcher Entertainment is a company, but it doesn't feel like one. Ryan, Shane, and Steven own and operate things, but they're also the faces, and they're youtubers. Which makes every business decision they make feel more personal to viewers, especially those who have been watching for a long time. They've also seemingly been doing well on youtube, which makes it more difficult for viewers to understand why the sudden change is happening now. They do talk a bit about it, about the company expanding and wanting to do things that advertisers don't like (which I've already covered). However, mostly the choice to start a streaming platform is framed as 'the next big step' without much clarification on why it's the next big step. Plus, it's post-pandemic, and a lot of people are still struggling financially with the ripple effects of that. Yes, $6 isn't a wild amount of money, but there have been some months where $5 absolutely meant the difference between paying all my bills or not, and I know I'm not the only one. This, coupled with a lack of clarity about why exactly they're doing this, leads to fans feeling hurt, betrayed, bitter, and frustrated.

Now, presentation and framing isn't everything. No matter how perfect your announcement is, some people are still going to be upset. It's a big change, of course people will be upset! But I do think a more careful presentation would've alleviated some of the hurt and anger that fans are feeling. While I do think a lot of the reaction we're seeing is due to the decision, I think (based on what I've seen) that some of it is also based on the poor communication in the video itself, and that could've been avoided!

So I'm gonna get a little speculative and describe what I would've done. In this hypothetical, they've decided to launch the streaming service and brought me on just for the announcement.

Firstly, switch the title out. If they're married to Goodbye Youtube then add a (and hello...?) after so it's at least obvious they aren't fully quitting. The dark color scheme of the thumbnail fits their regular vibe, but they want everyone to be excited so they should look excited. Next, let's lighten the tone up. Being proud of what they've done so far is great, but we don't need the sentimental music and bittersweetness. Remember, the goal is to get viewers excited about what come's next - so let's focus on what actually comes next! Talk about specific show plans and mention why they wouldn't work on youtube. Then, take some time to reassure the fans. Predict a few likely worries and address them in the video. Acknowledge that it's a big change, that it will take time to get used to, and that not everyone will be onboard, and let the fans know that it's ok if they aren't onboard.

Like I said, this wouldn't fix everything. There are a few differences in between dropout and watcher that don't have anything to do with presentation. Dropout launched with primarily new shows rather than new seasons of existing shows, and they continued uploading to youtube relatively regularly in addition to the content behind the paywall, which I do think went a long way to keeping fans happy. At this point it's unclear if watcher will do either of those or not. But, while I don't think it would fix everything, I do think improved communication in the announcement would've helped.

[golvio]

I think the metanarrative reason for the Princess being put into an antagonistic role in the “intended story structure” instead of being the protagonist is a big hint to her true nature.

While the protagonist gets to have the POV and make the major decisions that determine the story’s resolution, the antagonist is the one who actually makes things happen. Even when she’s not an antagonist and you’re working together, she’s still making things happen solely by being the only visible character present. Her mere presence changes things.

It’s very, very difficult to have a story without some external force or another character acting upon your protagonist and pressuring them to make a move. Even stories told primarily in flashbacks have the main character interacting with something, even if only in the past tense. A story where the main character just sat there, never interacting with anyone or anything, never having any experiences to learn from, would be incredibly boring. Simply having someone else there to talk to and play off of is enough to get things to move again.

Contrast this with The Narrator’s ideal story, which is a Wholesome™️ story where the main character does what they’re told and then never has anything bad happen to them ever because, as the only character left in the story, they’re safe from conflict, change, or heartbreak. Sure, it might not be a controversial story that would upset someone, but it’s also incredibly dull and unfulfilling. The credits roll and that’s it? That’s all we get?

It’s absolutely hilarious to me that, while The Narrator inserted his echo into the Construct under the conceit of being the literary device that’s the vehicle delivering the story to the reader, he really sucks at storytelling. He can’t build rapport with his audience (us) because he doesn’t understand what we want or how to persuade us beyond vague moral arguments with no emotional hooks whatsoever. He’s so inflexible and refuses to allow alternate interpretations that he can’t handle when things go off script, and can’t get the story back on track when we start going off the rails short of pulling a deus ex machina (which only works when the audience still has enough faith in him to take him seriously as storyteller instead of doing their own thing). Things only get interesting when the Princess gets involved. Things only move forward when she forces the issue, particularly in the Nightmare route, where you refuse to commit to a choice out of fear of potential consequences.

A friend of mine who recently did their first playthrough commented on how the underlying quest to collect perspectives for the Shifting Mound was basically an improv session. I think they’re right on the money. Each chapter is like a game of “Yes, And” between you and the Princess that continues until neither of you can think of anything else. The developers mentioned in an interview that Shifty M. only arrives to take the vessel home when the story “ends.” That is, when there’s nothing left to do. Improv is one of the genres of performance that best encapsulates Change in its demand for adapting to circumstances and new information, so of course The Narrator would be against it, preferring simple, linear narratives.

People tend to become fascinated with antagonists because they’re the ones who make things happen. Adding an antagonist who’s also a person is one of the easiest ways to start building a story. By making the Shifting Mound and her fragments our enemy and requiring us to get within talking distance in order to slay her, The Narrator shot himself in the foot by making Her the most compelling and interesting character by default.

[positivelyholland]

Hi! I was wondering if you could write something with Sebastian Stan x Daughter!Reader where Sebastian brings her to work with him

Magic of Movies

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x teen!daughter!reader

Genre: Fluff

Summary: i suck at summaries but its just exactly what the request says lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bright Los Angeles sun is already high in the sky when your dad drives through the studio gates. The bustling world of a movie set awaits you, and you can’t help but feel a flutter of excitement mixed with a hint of nervousness.

As you pull up to the lot, you notice a mix of trailers, equipment trucks, and crew members moving purposefully around. The air buzzes with energy and anticipation. Sebastian parks the car and turns to you, a warm smile on his face.

“You ready for this, kiddo?” he asks, his blue eyes twinkling with excitement.

You nod eagerly. “Definitely. This is so cool, Dad!”

He laughs and ruffles your hair. “I’m glad you think so. Just remember, it can get a bit chaotic, but it’s all part of the magic.”

You step out of the car and follow him, taking in everything around you. The set is like a miniature city, with people rushing to and fro, each person focused on their specific task. You see camera crews setting up equipment, costume designers fussing over outfits, and actors going over their lines. It’s a whirlwind of activity, and you’re fascinated by every detail.

Sebastian leads you through the maze of trailers and set pieces, greeting various crew members along the way. Everyone seems to know him, and it’s clear he’s well-liked. You feel a surge of pride knowing your dad is such an integral part of this world.

As you walk, he points out different aspects of the set, explaining their purpose. “That’s the director’s tent,” he says, gesturing to a large structure with monitors and equipment. “They’ll be watching everything from there, making sure the shots look good.”

You nod, trying to absorb as much information as possible.

As you reach a large soundstage, Sebastian leads you inside. The transition from the bright sunlight to the dimly lit interior is jarring, but your eyes quickly adjust. The space is filled with elaborate sets that transport you into another world. You can hardly believe this is where the magic happens.

“Wow,” you whisper, looking around in awe. “This is amazing.”

Sebastian grins, clearly enjoying your reaction. “I knew you’d like it. Come on, I’ll introduce you to some people.”

“Hey, everyone,” Sebastian calls out, drawing their attention. “This is my daughter, Y/N. She’s visiting the set today.”

The actors turn to you, their expressions friendly and welcoming. You feel a little shy under their scrutiny, but you manage a smile and a wave.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N,” one of them says, extending a hand. “I’m Jack. Your dad’s told us a lot about you.”

You shake his hand, feeling a bit more at ease. “Nice to meet you too. It’s so cool to see everything up close.”

The others introduce themselves, and you find yourself relaxing more and more. They treat you like one of their own, making jokes and sharing stories about working with your dad. You can’t help but feel like you’re part of this big, extended family.

After a while, Sebastian takes you over to the director, a woman with a kind smile and an intense focus. She’s surrounded by monitors, watching the latest takes with a critical eye.

“Hey, Sarah,” Sebastian says, tapping her on the shoulder. “I want you to meet my daughter, Y/N."

Sarah turns and smiles warmly at you. “Nice to meet you, Y/N. Your dad’s a great guy, and an amazing actor. We’re lucky to have him.”

You blush, feeling proud. “Thanks. It’s really cool to see everything you do here. I’ve always wondered what it’s like behind the scenes.”

Sarah nods, her expression thoughtful. “It’s a lot of hard work, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. There’s nothing quite like seeing a story come to life.”

You spend the next few hours exploring the set with your dad, meeting more people and learning about their roles. You even get to watch a few scenes being filmed, and you’re amazed by how much effort goes into each shot. Every detail, from the lighting to the sound, is meticulously crafted to create the perfect scene.

At one point, you find yourself alone with your dad, sitting in a quiet corner of the set. He looks at you with a smile, a mixture of pride and affection in his eyes.

“So, what do you think?” he asks, leaning back in his chair.

“I think it’s incredible,” you reply, your eyes wide with excitement. “I had no idea how much work goes into making a movie. It’s like a whole different world.”

Sebastian nods, his expression thoughtful. “It is. And it’s a world I’m really passionate about. I’m glad you got to see it firsthand.”

You smile, feeling a surge of warmth and connection with your dad. “Me too. Thanks for bringing me here, Dad. It means a lot.”

He reaches out and squeezes your hand. “Of course, kiddo. I’m glad you’re here. And who knows? Maybe one day you’ll be part of this world too.”

You feel a spark of excitement at the thought. “Maybe. I think I’d like that.”

The day continues, and you find yourself immersed in the magic of filmmaking. You watch as your dad transforms into his character. You see the work between the cast and crew, the way they support each other and work together to create something amazing.

As the day comes to an end, you find yourself feeling a little sad to leave. You’ve fallen in love with the world of movies, and you’re already looking forward to your next visit.

On the drive home, you and your dad talk about the day’s events, sharing your favorite moments and memories. You feel a deep sense of gratitude for the opportunity to see your dad in his element, and for the chance to be part of something so special.

“Dad,” you say quietly, looking over at him. “I had an amazing time today. Thank you for bringing me.”

Sebastian smiles, his eyes filled with pride and love. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, Y/N/N. You’re always welcome on set. And who knows? Maybe you’ll be the one behind the camera one day.”

You smile, feeling a spark of excitement at the thought. “Maybe. I think I’d like that.”

As you pull into the driveway, you feel a sense of contentment and joy. Today was a day you’ll never forget, a day that brought you closer to your dad and opened your eyes to a world of possibilities.

You know that whatever path you choose, you’ll have the love and support of your dad, and that’s all you need to face whatever comes your way.

As you head inside, you can’t help but smile. You know for a fact that with your dad by your side, you’re ready for anything.

[beifong-brainrot]

If worked for the team who made Avatar TloK. How would you rewrite TloK?

To be completely honest, rewriting tlok wouldn't fix all it's issues. Tlok just needed to have longer seasons, an actually established amount of seasons so they weren't pressured to make every single season a complete story for fear of not getting more time.

But let's say, hypothetically that I murdered mr Crabs or whoever is in charge of Nickelodeon and removed any studio meddling from the show.

My perfect world would include:

More filler episodes that focus on a singular character. Think Sokka's Master or the Painted Lady. The Krew are all fascinating characters with a lot of potential, however, due to the runtime of the show, their storylines are rushed... or completely nonexistent. Give me more details of Mako and Bolin's childhood. Show me emore of Asami struggling with her father's arrest.

I'd try to cut down on the westernisation of the show. I can see why these foreign aspects slipped in, since the closer the Avatarverse inches to our modern times, the more blurred the lines become. At least to my whiteass. I'd try to lean towards silkpunk, rather than the much more west based steampunk. It would be a fascinating endeavour to imagine what a world with mostly eastern influences would look like.

I'd make Vaatu the overarching villain/final boss of the story... it would require a bit of moving around of the timeline but I think I'd structure it as: Red Lotus> Kuvira> Amon> Vaatu. However I'd blur the timeline more. Make Amon a background threat in the eariler seasons, only for him to rise in popularity and power after people see what benders like Kuvira are capable of, for example.

This would also allow for certain villains to become redeemed or at least helpful in some way, later on. Mayhaps Amon and Kuvira team with the Krew to defeat Vaatu in some way.

Also, instead of destroying Vaatu completely, I'm leaning towards Korra absorbing him, in a way. Yes Vaatu is a dark spirit, but 'darker' urges are necessary for humans' survival and happiness. Korra embodies the duality of man very well. I think it would be a fascinating idea to see the Avatar become the embodiment of both light and darkness.

In general, making Vaatu and Raava more morally ambiguous, rather than the simple good spirit/bad spirit thing they had in the og show would be a fascinating concept.

I'd do my best to pull away from the show's original centerist narrative. Have Korra learn from the villains and make active changes to the world, showing her growth as an Avatar and person. Perhaps she's reluctant to see the Red Lotus' point of view at the beginning of the show, but sympathises with Amon at the tail end of the story.

Make the entire Krew queer. And talk about queerness more, in general. Have the characters have open conversations about queerness in their respective enviornments and cultures. Tlok already has a very queer undertone to it, even before korrasami became canon, but touching on this subject more overtly would provide great opportunity for characterisation and worldbuilding.

Have the story span several years. Watch the Krew grow up. Tlok works very well as a coming of age story even in its original form. Have Vaatu and his darkness and chaos symbolise the uncharted waters of maturity at the end of teenagedom. This especially works if Korra merges or accepts him like i suggested.

There... that's some basics. I think that most of my criticisms of the show could mostly be solved if the studio wasn't being a bitch but well. We can't have nice things, can we?

I took a while to answer this ask because it was genuinely such an interesting, but overwhelming question.

Also now I have wayy too many ideas about a potential tlok rewrite, so feel free to ask me about that if you want to hear me ramble.

[bonefall]

hi! just discovered this blog from your hearing loss post, which i ADORE. throughout it you mentioned pawspeak, and i was wondering if you had any sources/posts about it, or could describe its fundamentals very simply? sorry if youve already answered this!!! youre very cool

There's not too many fundamentals to share, really! Pawspeak is just the fandom term for a Clan cat sign language. Most people have their own takes on it.

Some people like to make it use two paws, other like to do a single paw in tandem with ear flicks and tail movements, some have omitted paw movements entirely and just use ear and tail signs. Most people aren't my queer ass who worked with a friend to ACTUALLY create a full Clan cat language with its own grammatical structure; so likewise, they're just making a cat approximation of a sign language.

So there's no rules! Do as you please! You can just adapt ASL or BSL for cat paws if you want, the same way no one bats an eye when people animate the cats lipsynching to English.

I would just try to remind you, and recommend, that your sign languages evolve from deaf people.

It's both a misconception, and insultingly common for media to show hearing people inventing sign language for the benefit of their deaf friends and family, when that's not how that happens. Deaf people have agency, theyre not just waiting for an abled person to bestow language on them. Deaf communities, and communities with high rates of hearing impaired people, come up with unique sign languages if they don't already have one!

These languages are often studied by linguists as examples of "isolate" language families, which mean they evolved without ANY genetic 'relation' to another language. Nicaraguan Sign Language is a neat example of that!

(The "hearing people invent sign" thing is perpetuated by the myth that Francosign, the language family containing ASL, was invented by one really nice philanthropist. It wasn't. The man took a bunch of words from an existing deaf community in Paris, which was likely a language under the BANZSL family, didn't care to record or learn what they were ALREADY speaking, and made up his own clunky system called "methodical signs" to make a "signed version" of French. This was practically useless for casual use. Actual deaf people mixed this with the languages they were ALREADY using to talk to each other to make new ones; one famous example of this is actually ASL.)

For BB I actually plan to show Pawspeak evolving as an isolate language after the Clan's move to the Lake. It's going to be born out of Gatherings and Aftergatherings-- while Clan cooperation has actually lead to a period so peaceful that it's allowed a proper community to form. Now with a stable population of hearing-impaired cats of all Clans, each of them bringing new signs and phrases home, it can standardize into a true language around the lake.

So then I can show how most of the signs come from RiverClan, mix with the signals WindClan uses to communicate across the moor, show how violent signs tend to be tail-based because they come from battle commands, etc.

It fits the themes of BB, and gives me a chance to show how fascinating sign languages really are. Even though it'd make sense for them to already have one, tbh, I think it's worth it. (Or maybe have Lake Pawspeak basically be a language that combined the several 'pawspeaks' of the various clans.)

[sunbloomdew]

Tamarack & Qiu about the Forest and the Neighbourhood

Recently I’ve been playing various visual novel games, and I stumbled upon the Our Life series. Needless to say, I am deeply in love with it. While playing the “Our Life: Now & Forever” game demo, I noticed the character’s different opinions about their environment. It’s a simple observation but I really wanted to share it, so here I am!

Depending on which character we meet up with first when we embark on our paper airplane message investigation, they will express their thoughts on the forest and the town.

(I'll be referring to Qiu with he/him pronouns, as these are the ones that are used for this character in childhood!)

Qiu likes the forest, but prefers the town over it. To him that is the centre of activity in Golden Grove.

He says that aside from the seasons changing it's like time doesn't exist in the forest. The fauna and flora there are all the same at all times, and he finds it weird.

I think that because the life in the forest changes in very subtle ways, he doesn't really considers that important. The plants grow but it's not like they move to different spots. They stay in one place, like the path in the forest.

That's why the neighbourhood and the town, where other people live is more appealing to him. It's much easier to notice when something changes in a more lively space, and those developments tend to be more dynamic too, as such they can appear more interesting. Especially for kids. Since their attention span tends to be short, faster occurring shifts capture their attention better.

On the other hand, Tamarack openly expresses her dislike of the town.

To her, the town is the very opposite of fun. The buildings are old and dusty, and the people don't do anything. As she describes it, they sit around all the time.

Tamarack finds the town stagnant and boring because of that. The buildings look the same and stay in one place. You can decorate them, but they are always structures, constructed with a set purpose in mind.

I can't quite understand the meaning behind these words: "Nobody is going anywhere or doing anything. They just live in this place, sit around, and do that forever." If I had to provide an interpretation of those words, I'd say what Tamarack means by them, is that people have assigned roles in the community and certain habits that make it seem like their life are same, unchanging routine. That does not appeal to her in the slightest.

In stark contrast to Qiu, Tamarack considers the forest a place where everything constantly evolves.

She pays attention to the way nature is alive on its own. The tree may not walk around, but it's bark overgrows with lichen and fungi, that spread, or get eaten, or grow sick and die. The animals collect food, branches to build shelter and move from place to place. Those small changes, that occur all the time, forever, fascinate Tamarack.

As she puts it:

I found it interesting how Qiu and Tamarack focus on different signs of life, and are basically opposites in their view of those two places. To Qiu the town is exciting because there is always something going on there with people, but Tamarack thinks they do the same forever. Qiu may see neighbours talk to eachother everyday and find it interesting because they discuss different topics, but to Tamarack, they are just doing the same activity all the time, which is boring. On the contrary, Tamarack thinks the forest is magical in the way it constantly transforms, but Qiu sees it as a place without any sort of changes going on there, which unnerves him. I find those two views of the same spaces really interesting.

Later when the trio walks to school for the first time, Qiu is baffled when Tamarack states that the forest is the only good place around.

(She says that regardless if MC likes or dislikes the woods. If our character likes them, Qiu says the dialogue above. If not, he will say: "Hey, so, it's kind of funny how you like the woods that much." referring to Tamarack alone.)

While they have different opinions on these places, it's nice that they don't argue over it. Would I have expected this to happen? No, but it's still good that it doesn't.

It's not a groundbreaking observation, but I enjoyed thinking about it and writing this post nonetheless. I'm looking foward to learning more about those two! They are both so adorable. I can't wait to become best friends with them <3

Peace out (❁´◡`❁)

[r3dmooon]

👋 Hi! Uh I was wondering if you would do a Wally x reader (gn) with reader being a zoologist showing him pictures of animals! I feel like he would be rlly interested in wolves and ostriches because they are like Barnaby and Poppy but just not so colorful. And not on two legs. :>

a/n: omg so many people have been requesting even tho my requests are closed 😭😭 (but I like the ideas so I'm writing them anyways 😔)

wc: 0.5k

Master List

❥When you moved in all the neighbors were curious as to why you had what seemed to be a sanctuary. Some parts caged, an indoor structure, and then your home which was a bit on the big side.

❥Boy were they fascinated when you brought your variety of animals. You had many different types of fish, foxes, wolves, panthers, cougars, ostriches, parakeets, monkeys, lizards, snakes…it existed, you probably had it. 

❥You even had a little Venus Flytrap plant <3 It ate insects…it's close enough (shhh this is the self indulgent part).

❥The others came by a lot. It was like every time they visited, they found a whole new batch of animals they swore you didn’t have before. Frank loved coming by to see the insects you kept. 

❥Besides Frank, the other person who came around the most was Wally. He couldn’t help but his curiosity for all the animals you had! You’ve brought a whole new world to them all (even though it’s technically out there…) and he loved the constant little facts you couldn’t help sharing to him. He just watched you intently as you told him that you feed your Betta fish live mealworms so it had more vibrant colors. 

❥He’d also ask questions. “Barnaby came from what?” He was quite astounded that those…intimidating wolves were technically Barnaby’s ancestors. He found it quite fascinating since the dog seemed like the exact opposite.

❥”What did you call that? An ostrich? It reminds me of Poppy, just less colorful.” Wally would muse. “Ostriches and Emus are some of the biggest birds! Perhaps Poppy is a descendant of one.” You would humor. 

❥I think Wally would love your chameleons the most. He loves watching their eyes dart around. Not to mention how they eat. He finds it so cool watching its tongue dart out faster than he could process. Not to mention that it’s color changing! He gets so much inspiration, wanting to paint it and then watch it walk over the painting and change its colors. So fascinating to him.

❥Wally will also stay by your side and watch you feed them all. For someone not used to watching wild animals feed…he’s not too phased. He just smiled as you fed your Venus Flytrap small crickets, to watching you feed your Grizzly Bear whole salmon!

❥He admires how much you go out of you way to take care of all your animals. He even offers to help you! Though ferrets and cats he tends to avoid. They’re just such rascals and he would hate for them to ruin his hair :( (But he can’t stand the sad look you give and ends up with ferrets and cats alike covering him from head to toe! They love him sm).

❥In conclusion, Wally becomes your partner of maintaining the zoo you’ve created. It just means he can spend more time with you after all <3

[swallowtailed]

palisade 37 !!!!!!!!!!!!

THEY WEREN’T LYING THAT DIVINE CAN CYCLE

perennial is the time loop and she is in the time loop!!!!! the wheel turns!!!!!!!!! incredible. i love this. 

no wonder perennial was moved by figure begging for another chance.

from a structural pov i appreciate that this is explicitly the last chance bc it keeps pressure on the players without having to resort to multiverse stuff. also a well-timed reveal for the tension in the back half of the season.

it frankly explains a lot that picking clem was a three-millionth-year-in-the-time-loop decision

also this only raises MORE questions about what’s going on off in that arm of the galaxy. they’ve worked out time travel????

oh re the intro, “according to the world i’m a hypocrite or drowned” BANGER LINE. also “the truth”/“the worst”… poor gur

other things did happen in this episode that i am also excited about. what were they again. oh right

thisbe the new bearer of integrity!! golden horns!! really racking up crew entanglements with divinity. extremely exciting. 

(i do think we are gonna need some new words by the end of the season, or a clear decision against.)

that whole sequence was so compelling—i feel like we rarely see thisbe pursue her desires so directly. her determination to reach out and understand is fascinating. and that integrity chooses people who want to change the world—wondering if this could be a direction for thisbe’s new illusion strats. 

and “my head is somewhat heavier but it doesn’t bother me” heavy is the head that wears the crown huh thisbe. excited to see where this goes !

also on engagements with divines, asepsis’s view of its role changing because brnine saw it as “a divine without a community”—sets this down next to palisade discussing his different relationships with different excerpts, “the etiquette you make with one another” (which is a very loving way of looking at it, i think). divines are socially constructed; divinity is contextual. u know.

dre has been fucking killing it as figure this season. that scene with palisade was really good. saying “this feels like a metaphor” about playing duck (lmao) was exceptionally funny because that is always true about figure all of the time

coriiiii…. i am so glad cori is able to trust her crew and find safety questioning her religious upbringing with them.

i do feel like i understand eclectic better now. we’ve gotten a few more flags: he believes in welcoming people who help him; he feels that divines are too much of a risk; he sees the cause as taking over palisade. (it is also kind of touching that he’s so insistent that they adopt a random lock & cross cop, specifically—i found that scene kind of frustrating, but it’s solid character work.)

we also learned this ep that brnine thinks they are the sexiest crew member (they’re right). however this leaves the question of who thisbe thinks is sexiest. assuming it was someone not already present in the scene but aboard the blue channel, that leaves hunting, midnite, or saffron. does thisbe think saffron is sexy?? i would believe that. she has the most physical forms, leaving aside phrygian (who i think murch said she thought was hottest?? wires??), so logically saffron could be attractive to the widest range of people. or thisbe just thinks she’s hot. i’d ship it.

[nerdygaymormon]

This Tumblr Ask is mostly an excuse to interact with another human. I hope you don’t mind.

Would you say Mormonism has a better history of changing entrenched stances than other religions?

Of the religions which don’t currently perform same sex marriages, which do you think will start in the next 100 years?

Who would you guess is going to be the central orbit in your afterlife: you or your husband?

Over the past 20 years, Salt Lake City Utah has had some of the best numbers regarding changes in racial diversity and home prices in the nation. A generation ago this relationship (then known as “White Flight”) was a major and very sad problem many municipalities faced. Is Mormonism in Florida making lives better for Black people?

These are interesting questions.

—————————

Would you say Mormonism has a better history of changing entrenched stances than other religions?

Mormonism believes in on-going revelation, and its top leader is considered to be a prophet and we also have apostles. In other words, the structure is one which suggests change is an ongoing feature of this church. Compared to where the LDS Church was in 1830 or even 1960, much has changed.

Despite this, it seems to me to be slower than others when it comes to reconsidering "entrenched stances." It didn't allow full participation by Black members until 1978. Every few years it seems to take another small step or two towards equality for women, but the slow pace of change makes it feel like it's falling further behind much of Christendom.

I think the reason for this church being slow to progress forward is that it raises questions about the role of the prophet and apostles. If the past leaders were wrong about race or the inclusion of women, what might the current leaders be wrong about? Undermining the authority & teachings of past leaders calls into question the authority & teachings of the current leaders. Can I disregard what they're saying on LGBTQ+ topics because I believe there'll be further revelation and change, even if the current leaders say that the current teachings won't change, just like the past leaders said there wouldn't be change?

The current workaround is that doctrine doesn't change, but policies do. While I know many consider the LDS Church's teachings on gender and marriage to be doctrine, they have changed many times and therefore I think of them as policies.

—————————

Of the religions which don’t currently perform same sex marriages, which do you think will start in the next 100 years?

One of the ways churches create an identity for themselves is by what they stand for. They also can define themselves by what they are against. Unfortunately, for hundreds of years Christianity has adopted being anti-gay/anti-queer as part of the definition of what it means to be Christian. Changing this identity is difficult.

There are Christian denominations wrestling with accepting same-sex marriages. Changing their stance has roiled their denominations. While many are thrilled, some traditionalists are alarmed & dismayed and whole congregations vote to leave that particular denomination.

I think this study showing the changing acceptance of gay marriage by religions in the United States is fascinating. I think it predicts most religions in the United States will ultimately accept queer people and same-sex marriages.

This chart shows that the Latter-day Saints moved the most in the past 8 years, from 27% to 50%. This is very much related to LGBTQ+ members coming out, especially teenagers and those in their 20's. Also, we have had a wave of adults who came out & left their mixed-orientation marriages. It's been a big, messy process, but now it seems most everyone knows or is related to a Mormon/ex-Mormon who is out as LGBTQ+. Which underlines that when people actually know queer folks and hear our stories, it changes hearts.

—————————

Who would you guess is going to be the central orbit in your afterlife: you or your husband?

Gosh, I don't know how to answer this. I'm not sure what this means to be the "central orbit" of my afterlife.

Considering I'm single and don't have a husband, I will have to say that it won't be my husband. Although, if I'm lucky, maybe one day my marriage status will change

—————————

Over the past 20 years, Salt Lake City Utah has had some of the best numbers regarding changes in racial diversity and home prices in the nation. A generation ago this relationship (then known as “White Flight”) was a major and very sad problem many municipalities faced. Is Mormonism in Florida making lives better for Black people?

It's interesting you speak of Salt Lake City as racially diverse. When I visit, I notice the lack of such diversity. I suppose compared to where it was, it is becoming more diverse, but so is the United States.

Utah is the 34th most racially and ethnically diverse state in the nation, putting it in the bottom half of states. Forty percent of the state’s growth since 2010 has come from racial and ethnic minority populations, who are expected to account for one in three Utahns by 2060. In contrast, it is projected by 2040 that the United States is expected to have no race or ethnic demographic which is more than 50% of the population, making us a majority minority nation.

So yes, Salt Lake City and Utah are becoming more diverse, but still lags far behind the United States as a whole.

As for your question whether Mormonism in Florida is making lives better for Black people, I don't think so. I also wouldn't say we're making life worse.

I know we have talked about being more welcoming of Black people and have had some committees in my local area to discuss what changes we can make in our congregations or what contribution we can make to the Black community in the area. I'm not aware of any sustained efforts to make changes or to partner with local organizations.

Our congregations in Florida may look more diverse than the average congregation in Utah, but typically they're not as diverse as the neighborhoods where we are located. We have much room for improvement in making a space where all feel welcome and that this is their spiritual home.

[koscheicore]

I say throw Ten into the sea/ocean. Because, why not! I'm not 100% sure he can swim tho 😔

OKAY MY THOUGHTS ARE THOUGHTING. BEAR W ME. My memory of 10 and his arcs is a bit messy but remember this?

Yeah you do. This is gonna get a bit long so imma just add a readmore

Iirc he was at some party being all emotionally unstable since he's lost so many people and he really, really doesn't want to go, to "die." So he's putting off his regeneration yeah? If I'm misremembering then pretend I'm right (?). He's obviously had too much ginger there, and the ainley!Master is there in disguise. He's been observing this Doctor for a bit, quite entertaining how he refuses to move onto his next face, how he's so fond of himself, how he wants *more.*

So much for being able to smell the Master or whatever... he definitely doesn't recognise him. He ends up flirting with this stranger of course, long conversations about nothing and everything, mutual fascination, your regular the Doctor meets the Master and is oblivious af to who he is, and when he's too wasted, the Master takes him to his TARDIS. The Doctor is a bit too intoxicated to pilot and as he rambles nonsense he begins to realise his beloved ship is moving, and the pretty stranger is at the console. How? He really doesn't like that. He tells him to stop, but he won't listen, so he gets up and tries to grab him away from the console, to no avail as this stranger opens the TARDIS' door, and messing with the gravitational configuration pushes the Doctor out.

And he falls.

He soon finds himself sinking into a nowhere planet's ocean, a familiar laughter he can't quite place still resonates in his head, "die, Doctor, die! You must die!"

He tries to swim up, but this water makes it impossible to float. He keeps fighting, desperate, he does NOT want to die, he's not ready, he will not, not yet, he still has to do so much more, besides, he had imagined his death would be different. He feels pathetic. He deserves better than this, he thinks.

"Ah but of course, you were expecting a grand finale, weren't you, Doctor? How incredibly contemptuous."

Great. He's hallucinating. The surface is far away now, the temperature is drastically lowered as darkness engulfs him and he finds himself unable to do anything but accept surrender. Is this how death feels? Cold and lonely, and a pugnant sense of regret?

Cue a myriad of sequences I haven't had the time to think of, moments he would have liked to change, to intervene with in a rather reckless way, and how he could indeed have done "more". None of these have a satisfying ending, anyways.

Eventually, he finds himself staring at the back of a figure, this scene is different, it feels rather somber, but still, familiar, in a sense. The smell of decomposition invades his senses as he squints and makes out the shape of an almost skeletal being, dry tissue flaking off it. It's, somehow, still alive, and he remembers he has seen this disintegrating shell of a person before.

"...Master?"

The figure turns around, excruciatingly slow. It stares right back at him, if one can call that staring, but what the Doctor sees is not the decayed Master. The structure of its bones is clearly that of himself. The living corpse emits a suffering whine, weak and trembling at first, but it gets louder and louder, so loud it hurts and rings not in his eardrums but in his head. He can barely make out the word as it tries to move its lips, it's only a simple...

"Regenerate."

***

The Doctor wakes up in his TARDIS, alone. She sings her usual steady hum. His tie is on the floor, alongside the hat he was wearing, and he's been sitting on the same place he barely remembers collapsing at earlier when he arrived from the party.

It's only as he manages to stabilise his breathing that he notices an itch at the back of his neck. He scratches off about a dozen hypnotic sleep patches.

---

SOOO basically the Master was guiding him through all of that because he may have noticed he was putting off his regeneration >:3c Yeah I was supposed to do little silly headcanons not a whole almost one shot but I got inspired HDKDLD HERE YOU GO HOPE YOU ENJOYED

Again my apologies if I got stuff from 10 wrong I barely remember nuwho cuz memory issues but this was fun! Also the sleep patches are those the 12th Doctor uses with Clara in Dark Water, they're technically not supposed to work on 12, so I assume they wouldn't on 10 either, but who's to say a dozen of them wouldn't or that the Master didn't tweak them somehow, or maybe it's the ginger. Anyways 10 is a mess and I am biting him.

If you want the silly headcanons still feel free to send another ask for that I got a bit carried away here fjfkfkf.

[tobiasdrake]

Yuki Spinoff, Episode 2: Joy to the World

Episode 3 is titled "Haruhi Suzumiya!!" so Yuki better enjoy her Christmas Party 'cause her life's about to go dramatically downhill.

Gonna have to make this one two posts 'cause I have a lot to say about this episode.

I noticed this in the first episode but I love the decision to change Yuki from a strict book-reader to also being a gamer. It does demonstrate the change in times, as Melancholy was released in 2006 while Disappearance of Yuki Nagato is from 2015, and gaming has become more proliferated over time.

But, more importantly, it also demonstrates the change in Yuki. Yuki Prime's never gone into detail about why she reads, but it's a fair assumption that she does it for the same reason most of us consume media: A desire to absorb information, experiences, and emotions through characters and situations.

Media exists in conversation with culture. By consuming media, Yuki is participating in culture. You could assume that she's only doing it to gather information, being a robot, but Yuki specifically reads fiction. She's looking for the same things everybody else is.

However, her media of choice is strictly text. She doesn't have a TV or video games or anything. She consumes experiences and emotions through text. Because Yuki herself is text. She can't watch a neutral expression on a screen slowly grow into a smile and immediately relate and understand what that means. She's more comfortable with a narrative structure that explains outright in words what the characters are feeling and going through. That's what Yuki can understand.

But this new Yuki, her ideal escapist form of Yuki with a full three-dimensional range of emotions, isn't limited in the same way. She shares Yuki Prime's love of media, shares her fascination with living vicariously through characters. But she can indulge her interests in ways the original could not, because she knows what it feels like to smile and enjoy things, to get excited by a rare drop, or to grieve a beloved character.

She is Yuki Unchained.

Ryoko has the perfect pre-"I hope you got your affairs in order because CHILD NOBODY IS GOING TO SEE YOU ALIVE AGAIN" Pleasant Mom Smile.

I wonder if Ryoko has parents? Yuki lives alone because Yuki Prime lives alone, because she's a space robot. But Escapist Yuki isn't a space robot, so the fact that she has no parents is simply a consequence of living situation transference she can't comprehend.

By the same logic, Ryoko should be a space robot. But Ryoko did have parents on paper. They weren't real and nobody ever saw them, but they did legally exist. "Her dad" even called the school when she "moved to Canada".

So I wonder what her living situation is here? Does she live alone like Yuki? Did this reality manifest real parents for her? Did it manifest real parents but they're out-of-country? Is she knowingly deceiving people into thinking she has parents?

What is your parental situation, Ryoko?

Ignoring the Skip Intro button from the shady piracy website providing my screenshots, can we all take a moment to acknowledge how great my character looks in this show that's not about her?

Black monochrome is a fantastic look for Haruhi because it's a color-scheme that matches her personality. Haruhi's always exuded Mean Girl Energy, pretty much from the moment we met her. She's a weird Mean Girl but she's a violent, self-absorbed misanthrope.

In a lot of other shows, she would be the protagonist's bully.

In her own show... that's still fairly accurate, yeah. It gets weirdly romanticized but it's still more or less her and Kyon's dynamic. She's like if Hey, Arnold! actually had its title character fall in love with Helga Pataki.

And just like that, I have dated myself to a billion years old. Okay. But it's true! That's what Haruhi and Kyon remind me of.

Haruhi most commonly sports the same outfit that everyone else is wearing due to Japanese school uniformity. But, courtesy of the decision Disappearance made to put her in a different school in Yuki World, this is the first time she's had her own unique aesthetic among the main cast. Well, apart from Itsuki, but he's a devout follower anyway.

This contrast against the uniformity of the rest of the cast makes Haruhi pop. She's eye-catchingly unique among a sea of brown blazers, as befits the center of the universe (in persona, even if no longer in power or character role). And the near-all-black color scheme gives her a wicked edge to her appearance, perfectly conveying her Mean Girl status.

Basically what I'm getting at is that I don't know how Haruhi's going to be used in this show but I wish she looked like this back in the original because holy hell is that the perfect Haruhi aesthetic.

I could watch Yuki and Kyon have a fun snowball fight for twenty straight minutes. That could be all this episode is and I would be satisfied.

Look at her. Look at how happy she is. This is all she wanted when she reshaped the universe. Haruhi twisted time and space to make time travelers and space aliens and espers and sliders, but Yuki did it to make this.

Meanwhile Ryoko remains MVP of this show. This subversion of the typical "surprised character hit in the face by thing as they walk into the room" gag is beautiful and conveys the composed and professional persona of Class President Ryoko Asakura.

I love how coy the show is playing about... like... how Ryoko she is. She vaporized the cotton snowball in her hand and then releases her battle aura. It's a funny gag. But. Also. There is a deep tension inherent to this incredibly likable character, to the point that it's not clear how literally we're meant to take this.

She did not actually blast Yuki and Kyon out the window with a Kamehameha beam of pure disapproval. But maybe she could? I don't know.

And then straight to the turkey! Like that didn't happen. XD

I'm so glad Yuki got her turkey. She wanted a turkey so bad. This is her first Christmas with full emotional range and all of it was invested in getting this turkey. She put her whole psyche into it every single time she exclaimed the English word "TURKEY!" last episode.

I became very invested in Yuki getting a turkey. Now she has one. I am very satisfied right now.

Oh, Yuki. This is Melancholy tone. A little bit of selfishness is what makes the universe go 'round.

Maybe my mind's bent from too much reality-warping but this conversation feels subtextually linked to Yuki's decision to eat Haruhi, remake the universe, and resurrect Ryoko in the first place.

Like. They're literally talking about the fate of Yuki Yuki Literature Club but the vibe feels much grander. That Yuki begins the conversation speaking in her emotionless Space Robot voice gives it this... between-the-worlds tone.

Like. Remember the last episode of PMMM when Madoka, Sayaka, and Mami were eating cake in a heavenly extradimensional Mami's Apartment Reality while they discuss Madoka's wish? That's what this feels like, to me.

Literally, this scene is an actual conversation that occurred between them in Yuki's World. But symbolically, subtextually, they're talking about the decision to manifest their reality in the first place. Saving the Literature Club here is, for the characters, exactly what it sounds like; But for the audience, it stands in for creating this world.

Look at her.

Only a monster wouldn't want her to have this turkey. This is the greatest moment of her... six days of life.

[eggs-and-autism]

a detailed explanation of every anime ive ever watched bc i feel like it

first of all no hate to ppl who like the stuff i trashed on here, same goes for ppl disliking the things i glazed. technically my first anime was pokemon -but thats everyone's first so ill be brief. my fav series was pokemon black & white, xy and xyz were pretty good but nothing compared to b&w.

as a kid i also loved glitter force and lolirock! not much to say i jst love cartoons. ok real post time:

in 4th grade i was really into animation story time youtubers; especially wolfichu. i NEEDED to have her artstyle. so around that time she among others had mentioned in passing tokyo mew mew, so i found a dub of it on youtube.

tokyo mew mew was okay, i wasnt invested in it i juast watched it to be more like wolfichu. i barely got like 5-10 eps in before i forgot ab it and moved on; deciding i would simply not like anime and draw in an anime artsyle in harmony.

and so i didnt watch anime for the next 2 years. i think i told people i did to be cool(i was not cool) but alas, i was a poser. in 7th grade i was online way more and saw ppl talking about anime a lot, so i made a big list of all the ones people told me to watch and decided i would watch them in the summer of 2021

a bit before summer my bff recommended i watch a silent voice. i really liked it, not much to say, its p fuckin good! i really like Shoko's design.

okay summer time-- first on the watch list was the promised neverland; i got though it in a day and felt mildly positive towards it. it was interesting when i connected it to my favorite comic at the time (space boy) but i didnt wanna rewatch.

then there was mha. my bff really liked it at the time so i did have motivation to watch it- but i felt nothing twords the plot and characters. i watched the first 3 seasons but i rember none of it bc i was so distracted and bord the whole time. no hate to mha fans!! i really wanted to get into it; but i once again came to the conclusion i am not a person who likes anime.

i focused on watching other cartoons for a while but my bff got really into attack on titan; so i said over and over i would watch it but never actually did. technically this doesnt count but i know the whole plot form he sending well structured wikipedia esc infodumps about it. so im mentioning it, sue me i dare you.

i also watched the first season of saki k. it wasnt outstanding but it was funny enough.

a good bit into 2022 i saw people on tiktok talking about watamote, it seemed interesting enough, so i watched it. i liked it more then any anime id seen before(spare a silent voice and pokemon). it wasnt really an interest, i had no further thoughts about it, it was pretty funny and the ending song is a fucking banger witch is still on all my playlists!

durring 8th grade i was also forced by my friend-at-the-time to watch komi cant communicate. now, at first i was told to watch the sub(as the dub wasn't out yet). i dont watch subs. i cant watch them at all, i read slow and there is no enjoyment for me and i dont care about the voice acting i need it out loud. but as mentioned komi had no dub for a while so i sat though the first ep and then gave up. months later; dub was out and i watched it. it was fineeee. standered. it was what i expected; i didnt really like it but i didnt hate it. i was just a person who didnt like anime. no changing that.

until-

around the end of my 8th grade year or beginning of my freshman year i saw someone on tiktok talking about school live club! it sounded really interesting so i watched it- and oh my god. i loved it. to this day i love it. SPOILERS!!: the other girls playing into Yukis delusions for their own peace of mind was fascinating. every characters personal story-- the twist with Megumi-- the depiction of ptsd with Kurumi-- the ending--- i loved it.

so naturally, i assumed it was one of a kind and i simply was not a person who liked anime.

during my freshman year i watched madoka magica. i was recommended it by a friend and it statemented itself as the second anime i turly loved. after madoka i started looking for anime i like again

bloom into you hit me on a personal level, it was like a truck that hit my face saying "hey, this is a kinda relationship that is possible", witch as of me figuring out im aroace has been more relivent to me then ever. i have trouble loving people so the idea of somone wanting a relationship because ill never romantically love them is smth i hope for- but obvi might not happen i just like that its possible.

summer before 10th grade-- i was at my fist con and decided if i couldn't find anything to buy i would at least network. i met a really cool artist and chatted with her for a while. she had a keychain i thought was cute so i asked her what it was from. thus my introduction to bochi the rock! and god, it i really wanted to like bochi. i loved guitar and wanted to learn it; i loved her design; the premise want miserably boring; i wanted to like it! but there was no dub, and god i cannot watch subs, its pathetic but i had to drop it.

during the first semester of my junior year i was still working on the future is blue. i mention this because apon seeing an anime with almost the same premise as my comic, i had to watch it. a lull in the sea was an interesting premise for sure, but i never actually finished it. the seris main theme is fish people face xenophobia, but what stuck out to me most was a pattern i noticed with how people treated the heroin. (this is from memory so i might get stuff wrong) i had BEEF with that way Manaka was constantly infanatalized by her friends. the main character constantly treats her like an idiot who is hopless without him. when she comes home crying after being cat-called by some old pos she is told shes being dramatic. like, no wonder she got close with the fisher boy so quickly, HES NICE TO HER!! still id rewatch it in theory if i have time.

and then there was talentless nana. the game changer.

♡ part 2

[emcandon]

Eyyyy I got asked to write an essay about big robots and digressed into mulling over monstrous metaphors

There’s Bones in that Bot By Emma Mieko Candon When people met me at 25, the wrongness of my body was immediately apparent. It was the thinness, the frailty, the new scars and fragile veins. Another clue: the walker and its cat-mauled tennis balls. So too the oxygen tank—the fancy kind you keep in a bag that spurts air up the tube into your nose only when you inhale. Tst-tst-tst. Even when I graduated to a cane and a steady gait, I made no effort to hide the red tangle of knotty scars at my throat, though I did my best to contain the chronic cough. (A mistake, BTW. Cover your mouth, but don’t hold it in. Great way to put even more stress on the flesh apparatus.) I had by then long since been convinced by Donna Haraway’s thesis of cyborg humanity—that we as entities exceeded our flesh the second we developed tool use, and that it got even worse when we introduced the context of gifts and possessions. But as the years go on, the extended thing-ness of my body only grows more apparent. I am artificial and constructed; I am alive because I have been built.  I thought this was what brought me to a fascination with robots and AI—the extension of humanity through embodied machines! But no, my friends said. We remember the whole Gundam thing. The Machine is a Monster Right, the whole Gundam thing. About that.

This might sound weird coming from someone who’s just put out a book about beautiful giant robots, but I’ve never really been interested in robots—at least when they aren’t moving. When a giant robot is just standing there/floating in space/being a Gunpla model, a monument to itself, my eyes pass over its silhouette as they would any other large structure. Perhaps I’m impressed by its artistry, or intrigued by the underlying design, but it isn’t really an object of curiosity.

But when that titan lifts its hand? When its leg rises and its foot crashes down—when it turns its arm to reveal the medium of great violence? 

Then I am afraid. Then I am fascinated.

I am drawn to large machinery in the way I am to monsters. When I describe something on the magnitude of a spaceship, I know it can be warmth and a home, but it is also, to me, an existential threat of size and speed and impact. My body is all too familiar with its own fragility. I cannot perceive this immensity without thinking of my fundamental physical relationship to it.

I don’t know that I was thinking any of this, even on an intuitive level, when Gundam Wing first stomped into my life—when it was Toonami’s heady alternative to Dragon Ball Z that I was instantly in love with for the pretty boys and twisty political intrigue. Now, though, I am well versed in the brittle nature of my body, and I have been taking new hikes through Gundam: Iron-Blooded Orphans, then more recently (it just finished! go watch it!) Gundam: the Witch from Mercury. Both series are immediately and intimately Gundam at its best: 

1. an interrogation of exploited bodies in the context of vast systems and machines

2. the absurd and precious possibility of human connection.

Ah, right, and 3., the eternal backbone of Gundam as a narrative: War…bad???

The Monster is People

War bad. Seems silly. Pithy. Of course war bad. No one right with their mind, body, or soul wants war. 

Do they? Enh. Reality seems to beg to differ. War is happening, right now, all over, in all its ugliness and horror. The great machines of nation, capital, hunger, and hatred grind our smallness through cruelty after cruelty. And for all these great things are the dire mechanisms, it is small human hands that pull the triggers and incise flesh. It is a devouring cycle, it is corrosively sick, we are so pitifully trapped.

I struggle to write this with any kind of resonance or meaning. War bad. Simple, two words, three letters each, and yet abysmally less than the entirety they gesture toward. How many more words would I need? How many more letters and syllables and theories and treatises and grotesqueries must I lay down to properly express war?

Because you have to say something. The nothing is worse. Deadly. 

But how? How do you encapsulate the monstrous enormity? How do you even begin?

I don’t know, I don’t know. But I see how some have tried.

The People is the Machine

Giant robots are shockingly silly. They’re physically impossible. They’re often being painted bright LEGO colours or being constructed out of mechanized lions. As often as they’re the centre of gritty stories of human suffering (with a touch of transcendent human connection), they’re goofy warriors for goodness, light, and the power of friendship, taking part in schlocky melodrama. When asked by a stranger what I write about, I say “Oh, giant robots” in the most self-effacing tone. SILLY!

Here’s the thing: this genre has a legacy, at least in Japan. There, mecha stories arrive in the aftermath of World War II, during which Japan both suffered and was the perpetrator of unconscionable violence. And in that aftermath, the Japanese government was (and still is) often eager to honour only its own dead—and to sweep under the rug all the horrors it committed. 

How do you live with that? How do you breathe? What do you say?

I don’t think it’s always—or even usually—conscious. Maybe you just find yourself drawn to the idea of samurai and ronin, men of violence bound by rigid hierarchies and honour codes. And maybe you particularly like to write stories where their moral centres are flayed open by the commands of their superiors. “Kill that man,” says the lord. “This doesn’t seem right,” says the samurai—as he kills the man, and then has to somehow goddamn live with it.

Maybe this is what you need to express the overwhelming pressure of complicity and silence.

Or maybe you find yourself thinking in terms of the sheerly absurd. Monsters of incredible magnitude. Robots of like immensity. Maybe you use them to evoke atrocities lived and visited upon your world and body. Maybe it seems only right that they should also dance, that they should be cartoonish caricatures of human experience. Because maybe this metaphor of ludicrous size and self is just the best way to articulate a raw immensity that you cannot otherwise grasp. 

Maybe that’s why the robot needs to be larger than the world should ever let it be.

They’re Metaphors, Harold

Small wonder that, when I started writing a book driven by the dissolution of my body, I reached for the magnitude of mechs. It wasn’t intentional. It just happened. Here was an idea perfectly fashioned for a story of total self-destruction and survival. I wasn’t looking to express how I had been let to live because of my artificial hips, or because of the machines that pumped air and blood out of and back into my body. I was trying to capture a giant. 

No. That’s not right. I was trying to say that I had been captured by that giant.

No. That’s not right either. I was trying to say that the giant had pulverized me, and that in so doing, it had made me part of it, and that now I live with the tremors of its weight in my every step.

I got so fucking big.

[superbsaturn]

Like Real People Do [Ineffable Bureaucracy] (2/2)

Summary: Gabriel and Beelzebub had run into one another a handful of times over the last 6,000 years that they had been the lead representative of their respective domains. However, when they begin to meet outside of the usual context of-- well --war, an interesting development in their relationship begins to take place that they attempt to understand and navigate together.

In other words:

5 + 1: 5 times Gabriel and Beelzebub meet in canon (extended), and 1 time they meet away from the viewers' eyes.

The title of this fic and its chapters come from the song "Like Real People Do" by Hozier (honestly, my favorite Hozier song).

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49341112/chapters/124825396#workskin

Link to Part 1: https://www.tumblr.com/superbsaturn/725602324982153216/like-real-people-do-ineffable-bureaucracy-12

-

6/6: Like Real People Do

1 Year Ago; Gabriel Statue : Edinburgh, Scotland/The Resurrectionists Pub - 3 Years After Armagedidn’t

The graveyard in Edinburgh, Scotland was eerily silent, save for the occasional gust of wind and the shuffle of an angel and a demon who stood side by side observing the statue of the Archangel Gabriel before them. Beelzebub, although happy to be spending time with Gabriel again, was rather confused as to why of all places Gabriel brought them here. While they found it rather strange to stare at the statue of the angel that was standing beside them they weren’t going to complain– well, at least not aloud. 

“Let there be light.”

As soon as the words left Gabriel a beam of light shined directly onto the statue, highlighting all of the engraved creases and cracks that the sculptor conveyed within the art form. Gabriel was the first to announce his astonishment at the beauty of the piece. Well, Beelzebub wasn’t truly astonished at all, it was just another sculpture to them, but they couldn’t deny that it was amusing to see Gabriel so fascinated by himself. 

“I think the sculptor really caught something. The shape of the head.” Gabriel lifted his hands just enough to emphasize his point. “Beautiful. Really moving.”

Beelzebub glanced at Gabriel for a second, nodding as they said, “It’s a very good likeness.” They couldn’t deny that, it was nearly spot on in structure and detail, well minus the clothing and hair. 

Gabriel smiled. “Sometimes I come here for hours and just… look at it,” he said, his eyes locked onto the structure before them, not even realizing Beelzebub had turned their head to look at him. For a second they were a bit saddened at the look he gave the statue. A part of them wished he’d look at them like that. They turned back to glance around the statue, no longer wanting to look directly at it. They didn’t want Gabriel to see their expression and question it, but they also couldn’t bring themselves to look at the sculptor again. 

“Right,” they started, looking at Gabriel over their shoulder, “Shall we go to the pub?” They turned their back to Gabriel and began walking towards the exit of the graveyard. 

Gabriel hadn’t moved when they did, wanting to prolong his stay for only a few seconds longer, but when he turned to look at Gabriel and realized they were a few feet ahead of him he jogged up to Beelzebub. He chuckled as he did so, walking in step with them. “That eager to get away from my statue, huh?” Gabriel teased.

They scoffed. “What do I need the statue for when you’re right here with me? If I was that desperate to admire you I’d just have us schedule another one of our meetings. No need to stare at a marble figure.” Though Beelzebub was only saying this to get Gabriel back for his little joke, they weren’t entirely lying either. They do enjoy admiring him up close and what better way to do that than getting to spend an hour or so with him here and there and complain about everything Hell is doing wrong. 

Gabriel cleared his throat, feeling the corporal body that he corporated in heat up, a bit of pink covering the span of his neck and inching up to his cheeks. He was rather grateful for how dark it was outside. He looked over to Beelzebub as they walked past the gate of the graveyard and smiled softly. He couldn’t deny the fact that these meetings were slowly becoming his favorite activities to look forward to. Even though each time they’d separate they’d agree there was no plan to meet again in the future, this was their first meeting in which no agenda was set. It was just a meeting between the Supreme Archangel and the Prince of Hell to sit and chat, catching up like mortal friends would. It was the first time he can say that he understood where Aziraphale was coming from when it came to spending time with that demon Crowley. Having this sort of connection was truly something worthwhile as selfish as it may be, Gabriel couldn’t say he really cared. 

By the time he was finished with his train of thought, they were directly across the street from the pub, The Resurrectionist. They crossed the street arriving at the entrance of the pub. Gabriel stepped forward and opened the door, gesturing to Beelzebub to go ahead, bowing his head with a soft smile. He followed behind them and approached the bartop with Beelzebub, getting the attention of– what Gabriel assumed was –the owner. 

“How can I help you folks?” the owner asked, offering Gabriel and Beelzebub a pleasant smile. Beelzebub leaned their elbows against the counter, their hands folded under their chin as they let Gabriel take the lead. 

“Two goblets of your intoxicating liquor, please. And, uh…” he trailed on, turning to Beelzebub and outstretching a hand towards them to see if they wanted anything more. For a second it took them by surprise. They were only getting the beer to ensure they could stay in the establishment without being kicked out for loitering so for Gabriel to ask if they’d like anything else knowing they didn’t need anything to eat or drink genuinely took them by surprise. They thought it was rather sweet in fact. 

 They leaned up from leaning on their hands. “A packet of crisps,” they answered, turning to Gabriel, giving him a look as if to ask if that was the right thing to say. Gabriel offered a look of acknowledgment in return and pointed back at the bartender. 

“Very good, sir,” the owner replied in his thick Scottish accent. “Which liquor would that be?” he asked while handing Beelzebub their snack across the counter. 

Gabriel looked bewildered for a second, looking at Beelzebub– who looked up at him fondly –with a confused glance before answering his question. “Whichever one it is you humans usually orally consume.”

The bartender, although a bit confused, nodded. “Two pints of regular, then,” he said and turned around to get their drinks ready. Beelzebub left the counter and went to find them both a seat in the corner, leaving Gabriel to get the drink himself.

While the owner poured their drinks Gabriel looked around spotting the machine that was currently playing music behind him. He observed it for a minute, taking in its appearance and watching as the human standing in front of it picked a song. “What’s that?” he asked the bartender who looked up to see what Gabriel was talking about. 

“A classic 1960s jukebox. You don’t see many of them these days. You just put your money in and tell it what you want to hear,” the owner said, placing the drinks on the table.

Gabriel shook his head in amazement. “Huh… You people. Amazing,” he said, pulling out the amount of money needed to pay for the drinks and handing it over with a wide smile. He glanced back over his shoulder and waved his fingers in the jukebox’s direction. Instantly the song changed to ‘Everyday’, the song that the bartender in America so kindly informed him the name of. He took the two glasses of beer with a small “Ha!” to the bartender who looked bewildered at the sudden change in much. Despite the man in front of the jukebox attempting to change the tune, the machine wouldn’t budge. 

 Gabriel walked towards the table that Beelzebub had chosen to occupy, placing the two glasses down on the table. “Here you go,” he said before occupying the space beside Beelzebub, scooting just a bit closer to them. “You don’t actually have to consume it,” he whispered to them, gesturing to the drinks on the table.

“Oh.”

“And the…” Gabriel questioned, hovering his hand over the snack and looking at Beelzebub with a curious expression.

“Oh, packet of crisps? Good,” they replied which only made Gabriel offer them a slight look of repulsion. He could never imagine eating or drinking anything when he needn’t do so, which made it all the more special that he offered Beelzebub to order more needlessly. 

For a few seconds, they sat in comfortable silence, getting themselves situated where they sat before the music that played over the speakers caught Beelzebub’s attention. They furrowed their brows, their eyes darting around the pub before they looked up at Gabriel with a genuine look of surprise. “Is that… Did you…” they asked their expression one of pure and utter disbelief at the– not so small, small –gesture. 

Gabriel shrugged a bit with a grin on his face. “A small miracle,” he admitted, gesturing with his fingers at how minuscule the miracle actually was. 

“Oh,” Beelzebub sighed in amazement, the small act making them utterly flustered. After Gabriel’s comment about not performing small miracles on trivial matters during their billiards game, this was the last thing they had ever expected him to miracle.

For Gabriel the miracle had been a small, kind gesture that meant practically nothing, …but for Beelzebub, it meant everything and more. 

So, Gabriel went on to explain himself. “That jukebox will always be there on that jukebox…” Beelzebub acknowledged the statement with a small hum as he continued. “...to comfort the afflicted.”

Beelzebub, at a complete loss for words, hummed and gave a firm nod in reply, looking off to the side with a wide smile that Gabriel could not help but match. “I should give you something,” Beelzebub said, leaning towards Gabriel as they did so. Gabriel gave them a look of confusion, not having expected to receive anything in return which made Beelzebub’s non-existent heart flutter at the knowledge that he hadn’t been anticipating something in return for his sweet gesture. 

The two of them kept eye contact for a few prolonged seconds before Beelzebub placed their hand on the table opening up their closed fist to reveal a fly against their pointer finger. “Here,” they said, “It’s for you.” 

Gabriel leaned forward and observed the fly in Beelzebub’s hand. He placed his own next to their’s and lined up his own finger to their’s allowing the fly to jump from their hand to his. “You’ll never know when you’ll need it,” they said. Gabriel allowed his finger to linger longer than necessary against theirs, nudging them to prolong the contact as long as he could without it being too obvious as to why. 

“It’s a container, so… it’s bigger on the inside. You can put things in it,” they explained, moving their hand away to reach for a matchbox on the table. They gave Gabriel a wide smile before dumping out the matches onto the table so that only the empty box remained. 

Gabriel took the box from them and began to place the fly in it, safely and securely. Beelzebub waved their finger at it, saying a small “bye-bye” with a soft chuckle. The fly buzzed as it made its way into the box. Gabriel closed the box and raised it to his ear hearing the faint buzz of the fly inside while Beelzebub observed him, a tender smile on their face. 

“I don’t actually know what to say,” Gabriel admitted as he turned to look at Beelzebub, placing the matchbox into the inside pocket of his coat close to his heart. For a minute they were at a loss for words. The warmth that Gabriel held in his expression made them metaphorically melt. His eyes were filled with such appreciation and dare they say, love. 

“Why not?” 

He shrugged, looking at them as if the answer was obvious. “No one’s ever given me anything before.”

Beelzebub sat there stunned for a moment. The Supreme Archangel of Heaven never received a single praise or gift of gratitude. Perhaps Heaven was not as kind to their angels as Beelzebub once suspected it had been. The knowledge of that made their, once again, non-existent heartache for Gabriel. To them, he deserved the world and more, though they weren't quite ready to admit that. They sighed softly, their shoulders dropping as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of them, and for them, it felt like it had. Sitting here with Gabriel, in this very moment, made them feel so light. They were at peace for the first time in 6,000 long years. 

The angel and the demon shared a few glances between one another before they settled back comfortably into their seats and relaxed, enjoying the silence that their company provided as their song continued to play over the speakers. There was no need to admit what they were feeling because they both knew deep down what it was and admitting it aloud was like comparing it to a kiss from God and a temptation from Satan. It was a beautiful feeling they had to admit, but to say the idea of it wasn’t also terrifying. 

They were genuinely captivated by one another and it was the best feeling they had ever experienced. That was a fact neither of them could deny, but to admit it meant to forsake their sides and that alone was horribly daunting. 

However, now was not a time when they were willing to dwell on worries for the future. Living in the moment felt so much more freeing, which is why Gabriel urged himself to build up enough courage to take Beelzebub’s hand under the table. He scolded himself internally, he’s the Fucking Archangel Gabriel and yet he was scared to hold Beelzebub’s hand he felt utterly pathetic. So it was made worse when he slightly grazed his fingers against their hand and caught them by surprise, turning their head to look at him in a quick, sharp movement that made Gabriel hesitate. He began to take his hand back and cursed himself for misreading the situation. Beelzebub quickly realized their mistake and reached back for his hand, taking it firmly and offering him a small smile to ease Gabriel’s worry. 

Both the Duke of Hell and the Supreme Archangel could feel the warmth radiate off themselves. Gabriel’s cheeks began to tint a soft pink, and unfortunately for him, his blush could not be hidden by the dark in the well-light pub. They continued to sit together, holding hands, without a single word passing between them. Though the silence was a bit awkward Beelzebub couldn’t deny that there was a sense of comfortability that they couldn’t imagine experiencing with anyone else but Gabriel. 

As ‘Everyday’ continued what must be its eleventh cycle since Gabriel performed the miracle he squeezed Beelzebub’s hand and turned his body a bit so he was facing them. “What do you think about leaving here? There’s a nice coastal area about an hour from here called Forth Lock and there’s a lighthouse I’ve always wanted to visit but never had a reason to before,” Gabriel asked. Though he was telling the truth about wanting to visit the lighthouse he truly just wanted to spend some time with Beelzebub away from mortal eyes. 

“I don’t see why not. I’ve never seen a lighthouse personally so I can’t deny I’m intrigued by it,” Beelzebub replied. They looked at the table and spotted the crisps that they had asked for and the untouched beer. They reached forward, having let go of Gabriel’s hand, and took a couple of sips from the beer. Beelzebub had never had it before but they couldn’t deny that they somewhat enjoyed it, it had a rather pleasant taste to it. 

Gabriel, however, grimaced as they watched Beelzebub drink the beer, shaking his head before standing from the booth and offering his hand for Beelzebub to take. They did so and allowed Gabriel to assist them. They left the beer and crisps on the table, walking out of the pub after Gabriel waved goodbye to the owner. 

Once they stepped a few feet away from the entrance of the pub so that no one could see them. Gabriel pulled Beelzebub a bit closer and with a snap of his fingers they vanished into thin air and almost instantaneously they reappeared right in front of the Leith East Breakwater Lighthouse. The lighthouse was currently illuminating the harbor, the ripples in the water reflecting the stars in the night sky. It was a gorgeous sight Beelzebub had to admit, and it was only made better with Gabriel by their side. 

In the harbor boats of all sizes were docked and lit only the lighthouse, not a single other human or celestial being in sight. Right now it was just Beelzebub, Gabriel, and the surrounding water occupying this peaceful space, and Beelzebub could not help but wonder if this is what it felt like in Heaven because they could not remember. 

Beelzebub turned to look at Gabriel, his violet eyes vibrant and filled with so much care, affection, and dare they say… love. They smiled brightly at him, taking hold of his other hand so both were in their grasp. “I cannot deny this is a beautiful area,” Beelzebub admitted, grinning up at Gabriel with a tenderness they never imagined possible for them. They’re the bloody Prince of Hell they weren’t supposed to be tender or kind, hell, angels, and demons weren’t even supposed to experience emotions. But, if this was so wrong of them they never wanted to be right. For Beelzebub this was the greatest sin of all, falling for the Supreme Archangel was certainly a sin disguised as a blessing and they’d gladly fall for it over and over again if it meant being with Gabriel. 

“Ha,” he chuckled. “I’m glad you like it so much. I have to say, though, that I wasn’t being entirely truthful in my reasoning for wanting to come here,” he admitted sheepishly, grinning at them like a fool. 

“Oh?” they questioned, raising an eyebrow at him. “I thought angels couldn’t lie.”

Gabriel laughed, “I didn’t lie, per se, I just didn’t say the full truth.” He grasped Beelzebub’s hands firmly and once again pulled them closer, moving one hand to their waist while outstretching their other. As he did so he waved his fingers towards the nearby boat which began to play ‘Everyday’ on the speakers. He slowly began to sway to the music urging Beelzebub to do the same. 

They laughed as they realized this was Gabriel’s reasoning for dragging them here to a secluded spot of Scotland at this Godforsaken time of night. “I thought angels couldn’t dance,” Beelzebub said, grinning at the utter foolishness of the situation. They were acting like teenagers in love and it was so beyond embarrassing, but God if it wasn’t the greatest feeling in the world then what could be? “Oh, and here you go again Mr.’I don’t perform miracles on trivial matters’, performing miracles just to play and dance to a stupid song I enjoy.” 

“I can’t dance,” he admitted, “I’m winging it as I go.” Beelzebub rolled their eyes at his answer, shaking their head in disbelief at his absurdity. He continued, replying to Beelzebub’s tease at frivolous miracles. “Well of course I performed the miracles, they aren’t trivial at all if it’s for you,” he replied with complete sincerity. 

For the second time tonight, Beelzebub was at a loss for words as they danced along to their song, sheepishly looking down at the ground the hide their embarrassment. “You damned angel, always know exactly what to say,” they muttered, smiling like a fool. 

Gabriel laughed wholeheartedly enjoying the tranquil simplicity that this moment offered. He swayed with them for the remainder of the song and even after it finished. They simply held each other and swayed in the stillness of the night– save for the crashing water against the rocks of the land. 

Beelzebub was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed by their emotions. They had never felt all this positive emotion at once and it was building up in them like a pot of boiling water ready to spill over any second. They’d never been on the receiving end of this generosity, this intimacy in Hell before. If they were honest they’d never been on the receiving end of a singular positive emotion in the 6,000 years they were a demon and it was all so new and raw. 

It was strange and while it wasn’t unpleasant or unwelcomed it was all a bit too much at once. A squeeze against their hand seemed to snap them out of their thoughts. They looked up at Gabriel who was giving them a comforting smile though his eyes expressed a bit of concern for their sudden shift. 

Every emotion they felt towards the Archangel rushed back to Beelzebub and without giving it a second thought they released his hands. Instead, they grabbed the lapels of his coat and pulled him firmly down to them smashing their lips to his in a sudden rush of absolute need. Not for anything more than this but they couldn’t hold back their emotions any longer and this was the only way they could think of to get across their feelings all at once. They were never great at communicating what they were feeling without it coming across as anger and that was the last thing they’d want at this moment. 

Gabriel was stiff for only a few seconds, stunned at the suddenness of Beelzebub’s lips against his, but once he processed what was happening he wrapped his arms behind their back and pulled them closer so that they were flush against his body. He kissed them back with equal enthusiasm and fervor, and they both melted into each other, soft sighs of relief leaving them. 

The kiss was nothing like either of them had ever experienced before. For Gabriel, it was like a song sung by the Heavens, and for Beelzebub, it was like flies buzzing in their ear. They kissed one another with such passion and adoration, holding on for dear life and never wanting to let go. They were drowning in a sea of love that would only make it harder to breathe but neither of them cared because if they were able to die right now they’d both be content. 

Beelzebub’s hands didn’t move from the lapels of Gabriel’s coat, instead pulling them more so that he had to adjust for balance. Gabriel’s hands traveled from their back to their waist, up their sides to their face which he caresses so gently that it felt like a feather was grazing their skin before he moved back down to their waist again.

The kiss was nothing like they’d ever experienced before. It was like a warm embrace that they’d never been given. Like wings that wrapped them in a cocoon of their own for safety and security built purely on love. It was better than Heaven and Hell. It was home. 

When they broke apart they stared at each other dazed for a bit before Beelzebub couldn’t help but laugh accompanied with a pure-hearted smile that made Gabriel fall for them even more. He joined in with their laughter and leaned forward again to kiss the top of their head. 

After a few seconds of standing like that against each other Beelzebub asked, “So, what does this mean from here?” Despite the actions that just occurred they couldn’t help but feel anxious as they awaited Gabriel’s reply, fearing the worst. 

“I’m not entirely sure, to be honest,” he admitted, “but I never want it to end, Beelzebub. I want to be with you for all of eternity.” 

Beelzebub looked up at him, recognizing the look of pure determination and sincerity in his eyes. “I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.” 

Gabriel moved his hands from their waist back to their hands, taking them both and holding them out in front of him. “Beelzebub, I am an Archangel from Heaven, a place designed by God for love and light and all things good. I am the Archangel Gabriel, the herald of visions and messenger of God Herself. I am the Supreme Archangel of the holiest place in the universe, designed in the likeness of God’s image that claims to be all pure and all holy,” he paused for a second, moving one hand to cradle the side of Beelzebub’s face. They sank into his touch, his hand warm, gentle, and soft. “And yet, despite that, I have never in my 6,000 years as the Archangel Gabriel felt truly loved and appreciated as I do with you. Nor have I ever felt the love I have for you with anything or anyone else.” He tilted their head up so their eyes were locked when he confessed his next words. 

“Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies and Prince of Hell, I love you. For Heaven’s sake, it’s more than that! I’m fucking in love with you.”  

Beelzebub stood there staring at Gabriel in utter disbelief for what felt like minutes but was really only a few seconds. When they collected their thoughts and processed Gabriel’s words they finally were able to ground themself enough to speak again. “You bloody idiot, as much as I didn’t want to admit it at the time I’ve been in love with you ever since our meeting in America. I love you, Gabriel, I love you more than Hell itself, which truthfully I don’t love very much but it’s the second best thing after you. Though there’s a very large margin from Hell to you so no need to worry about it much. Ah shit, I do love my flies more than Hell so in comparison to you they’re–”

Their rambling had been interrupted by Gabriel’s lips against theirs once more. The flies that flew around in their stomach made their non-existent heart skip several beats. They grabbed onto Gabriel like their life depended on it and allowed themself to be washed up in this moment of absolute bliss. 

3 Months Ago; A. Z. Fell and Co. - 4 Years After Armagedidn’t 

Beelzebub has been distraught ever since they learned the news that Gabriel went missing and not being able to tell anyone the reason why was only making it worse. They were used to discorporating lesser demons occasionally but since this whole ordeal happened the number of lesser demons that faced the wrath of the Grand Duke of Hell was surely nearing the thousands. Currently, they were sitting on their throne, cooling down after just having witnessed nearly– if not all –of the demons that joined Shax with her little confrontation with that angel, Aziraphale’s, bookshop. 

Dagon was approaching Beelzebub with Furfur, about to report an important discovery they had reached during Furfur’s active admissions process when they were cut off by loud blaring sounds that rung throughout the entirety of Hell. ‘WAR HAS BEEN DECLARED,’ was blasting throughout the throne room with bright red flashing lights. A map appeared before Beelzebub with a bright white light pointing directly to Aziraphale’s bookshop. 

“The angel declared war,” Furfur said, absolutely starstruck at the revelation. 

Dagon cheered excitedly, “We’re finally at war with Heaven!” 

Beelzebub stood still for a few short seconds, unable to process or believe what was before their eyes before they recollected themselves. They have come this far they cannot make a single mistake until they’re with Gabriel again. Not a single one. “Dagon, Furfur, enter the bookshop. We needn’t permission now that war has been declared. I’ll follow right behind you, I’m simply going to alert the other demons to prepare for battle, but we’ll follow protocol for now. The three of us should do.” 

Furfur and Dagon didn’t bother giving a verbal response, just offering a simple nod before vanishing into thin air and leaving Beelzebub behind. They paced the room, back and forth, before spotting a demon outside the window of the room. “You! Come here,” they ordered, gesturing with their finger for the demon to enter the room. The demon, Josh, hesitated before doing so. Within seconds of stepping foot into the room he was completely disposed of in a pit of fire and flies, screaming in agony as he discorporated right before Beelzebub. They were no longer able to contain their anger, their frustration, and the worst of all their worry. “Damn you angels! Where the bloody hell is he?” The question came out as a whisper, almost like a plea to God to answer so they wouldn’t go absolutely insane. Their pleas were never answered. 

Once they finally steeled themselves they vanished from Hell and materialized from smoke and fire into the bookshop, turning around and dusting off the dirt on their shoulder. Though it felt like minutes in Hell, in reality, they’d only arrived a few seconds after Furfur and Dagon on Earth. All three of the demons glanced around the room and processed the situation, spotting the angel Aziraphale, demon Crowley, an angel currently occupied with a book, and the other Archangels, along with what seemed to be three mortals. 

Dagon was the first to speak after they had all appeared, eager to do so. “We are at war! Finally!” He exclaimed, a slight laugh following his words. He stepped forward as he spoke, approaching the other being in the room. 

Crowley rolled his eyes under his sunglasses. “Nobody’s at war,” he drawled out, which made Dagon’s smile instantly fade. He continued, “You idiots sent an idiot to lead a gang of idiots to attack a bookshop.” All three of the newly arrived demons tilted their head to where Crowley had just gestured to, seeing Shax unconscious on the couch behind him. “Those idiots there,” Crowley nodded to the Archangels, “want their Archangel back so they can fire him.” He pointed to the unfamiliar human standing in the middle of the room which made Beelzebub look at him thoroughly. They didn’t recognize him at all, and while there was some sense of familiarity with the human they wouldn’t be able to mistake Gabriel. Surely, this human could not be their Gabriel. 

While Dagon occupied himself with growling at the angels, choking on their own spit for a second, Beelzebub looked past everyone to Shax, zapping her awake with a bit of lightning. “Nice job, Shax. Beautifully done. Remind me to put in for your commendation,” Beelzebub said sarcastically, watching as Shax stumbled around to stand. 

Shax observed them for a second before turning to Crowley. “Sarcasm, yes?” she asked, trying to clarify Beelzebub’s tone. 

Crowley nodded. “Yep.” 

“I’m afraid so,” Beelzebub said mockingly. 

The Archangel Michael, completely fed up with the situation, cleared his throat. “If it is to be war–” 

“No, no, no, no, no war,” Crowley interrupted. “Aziraphale, let’s sort this out,” he said turning to the angel, “Where’s the cardboard box?” 

Aziraphale furrowed his eyebrows. “What box?”

“The one Gabriel arrived with.”

Uriel was the first to ask what nearly everyone in the room was wondering. “Gabriel? He’s here?” 

The man standing in the middle of the room was the first to reply. “Sometimes people call me Gabriel,” he said cheerfully, looking over to Beelzebub and shrugging his shoulders with a broad smile, amused almost. 

Crowley sighed. “Yeah, we did a thing, hiding miracle,” gesturing to the man, and nodding his head towards Aziraphale. Beelzebub took the time to observe the man. It would certainly make sense why they couldn’t recognize Gabriel if a miracle was performed to hide him. “Apparently, if we do a miracle together, it all works a bit too well,” he explained as Aziraphale brought the box over.

Dagon, skeptical of the angels in the room, leaned forward a bit. “Careful. Could be a trap.”

Saraqael, annoyed beyond belief at this inconvenient intervention of sorts, ridiculed Dagon. “It’s a cardboard box. It’s not going to bite you.” Dagon shrunk his shoulders in defeat. 

Aziraphale, completely ignoring the bickering happening, grabbed the box and handed it to Crowley who examined the contents inside before flipping the box over. He’d seen Gabriel write on the bottom of the box during his brief visit to Heaven, but he did not know what to expect when he read Gabriel’s handwriting. “Oh, there we go. I thought that’s what you were doing,” he said, looking up at ‘Gabriel’. 

“What was I doing?” ‘Gabriel’ asked, completely confused by the situation. 

“You were writing a message. Oh, probably to yourself, on the bottom of the box,” Crowley explained. 

“‘I am in the fly!’ What fly?” Aziraphale asked after reading Gabriel’s handwriting aloud. 

Crowley adjusted the box in his hands before looking up. “Lord Beelzebub,” he called attention to them, meeting their eyes even through his sunglasses. “I believe flies are your department.”

Beelzebub shifted their weight from foot to foot. “Hm,” they hummed in thought, looking around the room, feeling for a fly that could be present. It didn’t take them long before they found it and to say they were proud was an understatement. Gabriel was wiser than he let on, they’ll admit that– though never aloud. Relief flooded their body as they realized that Gabriel truly was safe and present. “There’s only one fly here, and it’s familiar,” they admitted, spotting the fly on Aziraphale’s desk. They whistled, gaining the fly’s attention. “Come here. Come on,” they urged, gesturing with the finger for the fly to approach. “Good boy.” They chuckled as the fly crossed the room. “No wonder nobody could find you. This is where you were keeping all your memories. All your… you,” they revealed as they nudged the fly with their finger, smiling softly. 

‘Gabriel’ approached them, staring intently at the fly in their hand, confused but curious. 

“Look at you,” they sighed gently before praising Gabriel, “You’re perfect.” They turned to ‘Gabriel’, holding their finger out to him. “Here. Take it,” they said after he hesitated. ‘Gabriel’ raised his eyebrows and scoffed softly before lifting his pointer finger up to theirs, touching their finger. “Gently,” Beelzebub lightly scolded to which he listened, softening his touch. The fly crossed over onto his finger and ‘Gabriel’ brought it up to his face, unsure what exactly to do. “Now,” Beelzebub started, “Open it.” They placed their hand under their chin, grinning softly.

‘Gabriel’ gifted his finger up to his face and allowed the fly to hop onto his cheek before approaching his eye and flying in. He was hit with a rush of memories between hima dn Beelzebub, the memories happening in sequence very rapidly that it was almost too much happening all at once, but when he came too he was quickly able to collect himself with a deep breath. 

Gabriel looks around the room slowly, starting with Aziraphale and Crowley who he seems surprised, but perhaps somewhat happy, to see. “Aziraphale,” he questions, though he is not expecting an answer, instead he just laughs before looking towards the door. “Michael, Uriel,” he says before taking a pause, looking at his other fellow Archangel. “Don’t tell me.”

“I won’t,” Saraqael says, a look of disappointment on their face. 

Gabriel points to them, opening his mouth as if their name is on the tip of his tongue before he furrows his eyes and squints, trying his hardest to remember. 

“It’s Saraqael!”

“Saraqael! Yes, I knew that. Of course it is,” Gabriel exclaimed at the same time as Saraqael, laughing again as he turned to look at the demons to his left. “Oh, eesh. You guys,” he uttered in disgust. Shax stood there slack-jawed at seeing the Archangel Gabriel before her.

Finally, Gabriel turned to spot Beelzebub who looked at him with a soft smile and arms that opened up as if to ask ‘Remember me?’. How could Gabriel ever forget them, it didn’t seem possible. His eyes softened when they caught sight of Beelzebub, his shoulders relaxing and his entire expression just filled with pure warmth and love. “You,” he nearly whispered, letting out a sigh of relief that allowed the weight on his shoulders to flow off him seamlessly, bringing his hands up to his heart and holding his chest. Beelzebub couldn’t believe they could fall more in love with him but they did. “Thank you,” he professed genuinely, dropping his hands to his stomach and stepping closer to Beelzebub. 

They did the same, relieved to finally have their Archangel back within reach. “Silly, silly angel. Why?” they asked as they stopped only a few inches away from him. 

Gabriel shook his head briefly attempting to think of the words to say. “I was coming to you, but…” he paused for a second, closing his eyes before admitting, “I– I… forgot.” Beelzebub chuckled softly, not surprised at his response in the slightest given how he was acting only a few moments earlier. 

They nodded their head and looked up to meet his eyes. “Well, I think Aziraphale probably took much better care of you than I could have done,” they replied truthfully, nodding to the angel in question who looked confused at the situation. 

Their moment of reconnection was interrupted by Shax who was astonished at the sight before her. “Beelzebub! You traitor! Collaborating with Heaven?” she accused, ignoring the look of offense Gabriel gave her. 

Beelzebub leaned towards Shax. “I didn’t collaborate with Heaven any more than Gabriel collaborated with Hell,” they said firmly. Beelzebub looked around the room before their expression softened as they looked back at Gabriel. “I just found something that mattered more to me than choosing sides.” They exchanged looks with one another, Gabriel practically melting at the confession, matching Beelzebub’s warm-hearted smile with his own. His eyes filled with so much love that to nearly everyone else in the room seemed impossible for the Archangel Gabriel, and yet here he was, holding Beelzebub’s hands with such adoration that made Azirpahale’s heart melt, subconsciously reaching out to touch Crowley’s arms as they witnessed the display of love before them. 

One of the humans that no one in the room besides Crowley and Aziraphale recognized, Maggie, was the first to speak up about the display of affection. “Oh. That’s really sweet,” she sighed. Dagon gagged at both the idea of something like that and the visual display before him. 

The person beside Maggie, Nina, followed up, saying, “Enough to make you believe in true love.”

Michael, aghast at the idea of mortals in the presence of celestial beings demanded for them to be cast into pillars of salt, making them immovable and unalive. Crowley was quick to interject and lead them outside after asking Aziraphale if he could manage whatever went on inside the bookshop. After getting Aziraphale’s reassurance, Crowley led Nina and Maggie out while chaos ensued. 

Gabriel turned his attention from the door to the other angels and demons before finally looking back at Beelzebub, nodding off to the side and removing one hand from theirs so that he could pull them over to the side. The shouting had already commenced. Words of hate and disgust were shot between demons and angels, all the while Gabriel wrapped an arm around Beelzebub and stared at them both in amusement and confusion. Beelzebub caught his eyes and simply shook their head.   

Aziraphale had finally had enough of the shouting and chaos, ringing a bell to gain the attention of everyone else and ease everyone into silence as Crowley prepared to walk back in. “I’ve had quite enough of this,” Aziraphale announced, fed up with the angels and demons. “You will speak one at a time,” he ordered before gesturing with a genuine smile to Shax.

Gabriel and Beelzebub had no interest in the arguing that commenced, simply enjoying one another's company again after the events of the past week. Gabriel held onto Beelzebub’s waist securely, worried that if he were to let go they’d slip away from him. Beelzebub was grasping onto the back of Gabriel’s borrowed clothing afraid that if the other Archangel’s got a hold of him he would, once again, forget all about them. The thought alone was horrifying and it made falling as a punishment seem like the better option. Gabriel would agree. 

After minutes of bickering back and forth, Aziraphale interrupted everyone again. “Why don’t we ask them where they’d like to go?” he asked, gesturing towards Gabriel and Beelzebub who finally looked away from one another to focus on the others. Gabriel made a gesture of approval at Aziraphale’s suggestion, but it was cut off by Uriel before he could say anything. 

“Oh, this is ridiculous,” they said, rolling their eyes.

Furfur interjected, “No, there are precedents. Hell doing Heaven’s punishing for you. Job, that was one. Lovely man, never met him.”

“Um, Gabriel,” Azirapahle continued, “Beelzebub, what do you want?”

Gabriel looked over at Beelzebub, leaning back a bit as if to think about it while Beelzebub locked eyes with him. He leaned back forward again and turned to everyone in the room. “I would like… better clothes,” he confessed, Beelzebub looked towards the others in agreement with him, slightly grinning. “And I would like to be with Beelzebub. Wherever Beelzebub is, is my Heaven,” he professed, smiling at his partner. Michael couldn’t help but roll his eyes and make a sound of disapproval. 

Beelzebub ignored it and instead continued after Gabriel. “And where you are, my sweet, is forever my Hell,” they said, following Gabriel’s reaction earlier and placing their hands over their own heart as they looked up at him adoringly. Shax groaned in disgust. 

“You know, Alpha Centauri’s nice. Always wanted to go there,” Crowley announced, sharing a look with Aziraphale as he did so. “Couple of decent planets. No nightlife to speak of,” he said, shrugging a bit. 

Uriel ignored Crowley’s words, looking at Gabriel. “If you leave, you can never come back,” they threatened. 

“That would be the point,” Gabriel said apathetically. 

“If you flee, traitor,” Shax hissed at Beelzebub, Gabriel again looking at her and questioning her audacity. “Hell will send all its legions to hunt you down.”

Beelzebub rolled their eyes. “You know as well as I do how badly understaffed Hell is right now. Anyway, with me not there, Shax, you could be the next Grand Duke of Hell,” they said to appease Shax, Gabriel offering a look of false pride at the idea. 

Shax turned to the other demons. “Grand Duke of Hell,” she repeated excitedly.

“Angels and demons, they can’t just–” Michael started, only to be interrupted by Gabriel and Beelzebub singing in the corner of the room, hands clasped firmly together. 

“‘Everyday, it’s a-getting closer’,” Gabriel sang in a somewhat low baritone voice. 

Beelzebub continued, “‘Going faster than a rollercoaster’.”

They began to sing together, everyone in the room turning their attention to them. “‘Love like yours will surely come my way’.” The lights in the room that were once off began to light up as the two celestial beings slowly vanished from the room, singing a breathy, ‘A-hey, a-hey-hey’ to one another, completely ignoring everyone else. 

They were gone in a blink of an eye, left by themselves in the stars with their hands held tightly in one another’s as their wings spread out into the open space to keep them afloat. Now, finally, alone with Gabriel, Beelzebub let out an enormous sigh of relief and punched Gabriel’s arm. “I was so bloody worried, you idiot!” they exclaimed, floating back from him and crossing their arms. 

Gabriel rubbed his arm– though it didn’t hurt in the slightest, he simply know they’d take pleasure in the idea that they caused him a bit of pain after all the emotional pain they had gone through –and offered a look of defeat. “Beelzebub, I swear, I had full intention to come to you when I left Heaven! Though it’d be a bit awkward if the Supreme Archangel showed up in Hell naked and with no memory, so perhaps going to Aziraphale was a good idea,” he said, speaking the second part a bit into the air and not to Beelzebub specifically.

“You what?!” Beelzebub questioned, astonished. They hadn’t a clue as to what in Hell’s name Gabriel was talking about besides the fact that he’d gone missing. They only just learned that he’d lost his memory not even an hour ago. “You know what, tell me the story another time, for now, I’m just glad to have you back,” they admitted, their shoulders relaxing a bit as they reapproached Gabriel.

Though they’d met with each other many times over the last four years– and occasionally even before the failed war –neither of them had ever exposed their wings before to each other, or in general really. The last time Beelzebub had spread their wings was four millennia ago during a short-lived battle that they’d settled in a matter of minutes. 

For Gabriel, the last time he had spread his wings was even longer. It was during the fall of Lucifer when the rebellion had begun and angels were fighting against their brothers, sisters, best friends, and lovers. Since then Gabriel had never spread his wings, one of the six of them having been singed in the battle and while it’s had years and years to heal, a scar still remains. He was so used to being a perfect angel, that he viewed the scar as a weakness and he was damned if he were to allow other angels to see any sign of weakness on him. 

When he realized that Beelzebub was observing his wings he became shy and ashamed, tucking his wings into himself and bowing his head ever so slightly. Beelzebub noticed Gabriel’s discomfort and reached for his hand, pulling him closer to them. He allowed them to raise his head to meet their eyes. Beelzebub’s expression was soft and patient, an expression they seemed to reserve only for Gabriel. He returned their expression with a soft, unsure smile.

Gabriel was a prideful being and the idea of imperfection, especially on himself, was too much for him to bare. Yet, he would never–  ever! –claim that Beelzebub was less than perfection, not their boils or their teeth, not their wings or scars. To Gabriel, Beelzebub was a perfect being and nothing would change that, not even if Hell froze over or Heaven burned to ash. It was simply not a possible, logical outcome for Gabriel to ever even imagine. Beelzebub was perfect in every universe and he would be damned if he let anyone say otherwise. However, he could not apply that same logic to himself. 

“Oh my sweet sweet Angel, you are beautiful,” Beelzebub said in a bit of a breathy whisper. “You don’t need to hide your wings, Gabriel, they’re perfect,” they said, their own translucent fly-like wings fluttering behind them.  

Gabriel hesitated, “But–,” he cleared his throat. “They’re scarred,” he muttered. He was not used to this feeling, it was uncomfortable and unwanted. He felt like he was shrinking into himself and that was not normal for him. He wasn’t supposed to show weakness or insecurity. He was supposed to be strong and proud, fearless and loving, not this pitiful coward. 

Beelzebub cooed softly, “Oh Gabriel, who cares that they’re scarred. You’ve never once cared about my boils or imperfections, have you?” They knew Gabriel’s answer, he was too pure of heart to label any marking on Beelzebub as anything less than flawless. 

“No, I would never!” he exclaimed, “I hope you don’t think I’d ever think that of you, Beelzebub. I would never.”

Beelzebub laughed softly. “I know you wouldn’t, Angel, I only asked because I knew you never have and so why should I think any differently when it comes to you? You, and every aspect of you, is absolutely perfect regardless of scars or markings,” they reassured, taking Gabriel’s face into their hands and pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Now, let me see your wings properly. They’re most certainly fitting for the Supreme Archangel of Heaven. Must be Hell to maintain properly,” they chuckled at their own joke. 

Gabriel smiled at Beelzebub’s words, allowing his wings to spread out their full length. They stretched far into the space around them, nearly two of Gabriel’s arm's length away from his body. His wings were pure white with specs of gold scattered throughout them. Each wing from the top of his shoulder blade to the small of his back varied in size. They wrapped around his frame nicely, certainly, wings fit for one of God’s strongest soldiers. 

“Truthfully, I cannot remember the last time I took proper care of them,” he admitted sheepishly. “I don’t like bringing them out much and it's hard to find a private area to do so when I’m constantly surrounded by other angels demanding my attention.” 

“Oh, my sweet,” Beelzebub sighed. “Come, let me help you with them,” they suggested, nodding off to a nearby planet near the star Toliman that they could occupy for the time being. 

Once they’d settled onto the planet, Beelzebub had Gabriel sit in front of them with his wings spread outward so that they could begin to preen and clean the feathers with the purified water that the planet provided. The planet itself dubbed Alpha Centauri BC, was much like Earth in its features– minus the inhabitants. There were streams of water and greenery, with rocks that form canyons and mountains. It was beautiful, they had to admit. It was familiar and that alone brought enough comfort for the time being. 

When Beelzebub had started to take care of Gabriel’s wings it had felt strange at first, he had to admit, though it was far from unpleasant. Rather, he quite enjoyed the feeling of it. Having his wings gently cared for by Beelzebub was certainly something he’d never imagined centuries ago, much less five years ago, but here he is, enjoying every bit of it. Slowly but surely he began to ease into Beelzebub’s touch and relax, closing his eyes as he processed his thoughts. A lot happened in the last 24 hours, almost too much to process, but he was getting there slowly, and truthfully, none of it mattered now that he was here– away from Heaven –with Beelzebub because nothing came close to beating the feelings he got when he was in their presence, and nothing ever would. 

Present Day; Edinburgh, Scotland - 4 ½ Years After Armagedidn’t 

While Alpha Centauri was certainly a pleasant star system for a short time, it wasn’t as entertaining for Gabriel and Beelzebub as they had hoped it’d been. They’d manage to occupy the planets for two months, hoping from planet to star to planet and back but never really settling. They were constantly moving from place to place when finally Gabriel thought of an idea. “Why don’t we move to Edinburgh? Could always find a palace near the pub,” he suggested. 

Beelzebub jumped at the idea. Although they were no longer the Grand Duke of Hell any longer they still missed chaos, and Earth, even in small forms, provided some of that chaos, that mischief. It wasn’t much, but with that knowledge and with the memories that reside in Edinburg for both Gabriel and Beelzebub it was a place they agreed they’d be able to call home. 

So, within a few weeks, they had moved into a small flat near The Resurrectionists. In an attempt to avoid suspicion from Heaven and Hell, they’d avoided any attempt at using large miracles, instead, deciding to go through the grueling process of obtaining a house the way any human would. While it had taken some time they’d finally managed to get a place they could call their own in a location that they couldn’t care to complain about. 

The flat itself was practically fully furnished, save for a few appliances that were deemed necessary for mortals, but for celestial beings, they could be put on the back burner for another time. They barely needed a house in the first place, but if they wanted to maintain some semblance of normalcy it was a good idea and Gabriel wouldn’t complain. He’d gotten used to sleeping as ‘Jim’ in Aziraphale’s bookshop, and while he still no longer needed to, he could admit that the activity was quite pleasant, in the same way he would about jogging. 

Beelzebub, on the other hand, enjoyed more the electronics side of life on Earth. Music and television have certainly been something they’d grown fond of, which is why when they’d first moved into the home Beelzebub was quick to suggest they find a TV to set up. They enjoyed shows and movies about horror and violence, it brought them a sense of comfort— though Gabriel could never understand why, but still, if it made Beelzebub happy he’d suffer through it for them. 

So, they’d settled into this routine for a little under a month. Gabriel would wake up each morning and go for a jog, coming back to enjoy a cup of hot chocolate and a boom— two other things he’d come to enjoy thanks to Aziraphale —before going to wake up Beelzebub with a kiss on their cheek. Beelzebub fell into a routine of sleep, something they actually quite enjoyed— perhaps even more than Gabriel —and so they cherished every second of it that they could get, but they always looked forward to waking up to Gabriel’s warm kisses. 

From there, the two would get dressed for the day and be on their way, discovering new local restaurants and bars, museums, and theaters. Yet, there was one place they hadn’t visited since moving, and it was the sole reason they had chosen the area. The Resurrectionists Pub. Today that would change. 

The two had gotten dressed, Gabriel back in a similar attire to what he wore in Heaven– all except for the blazer today –all tailored to his liking. Beelzebub, on the other hand, wore nearly the same attire they had when they resided in Hell. On occasion, they would switch it up to a more casual appearance of black ripped jeans, an over-sized black button-up that they wore half tucked in with a red bolo tie, and a black jean jacket (sometimes substituted with a blazer instead), but it depended on their mood. Today they decided on the more casual approach since Gabriel had shed his blazer. 

“I still can’t believe we haven’t gone back there,” Beelzebub said a bit exasperated. “It’s been nearly a month since we moved here.”

Gabriel shrugged, “Neither can I. Although, we did attempt to go when we first moved but it was closed for the week since the owner was on vacation in London. Must have slipped our minds since then. To be fair, I haven't gone to visit my statue since we’ve come back, although I jog near the cemetery every morning.”

Beelzebub rolled their eyes. “Oh please, you must be joking. I’m sure you’ve gone to stare at yourself plenty of times in the time we’ve been back.”

Gabriel looked at Beelzebub slightly offended. “I wouldn’t lie to you. I just haven’t felt the urgent need to go see it, that’s all. We’ve been so busy situating ourselves into a normal routine I just kinda keep forgetting to go that’s all,” Gabriel explained, shrugging his shoulders. 

“You sure you got all your memories back from the fly?” Beelzebub asked teasingly. 

Gabriel chuckled, “I sure hope so, that’d be a bit of a problem if I didn’t, don’t you think.”

“Certainly,” they laughed, stopping just in front of the doors before them. They smiled at the familiar pub, it brought back pleasant memories. It was the night they first admitted their feelings to one another and they had this place to thank for it. It was only right that they’d return. 

Beelzebub opened the door, holding it open for Gabriel to walk through, following just a few steps behind him. Instantly the owner recognized them. “Well if it isn’t you two Masons!” he said with a wide smile as Gabriel and Beelzebub approached the bar. “Been a long year, hasn’t it?” 

Gabriel and Beelzebub shared a glance with one another. “Most certainly,” Gabriel replied, smiling back at the owner. He looked around the room as Beelzebub stood beside him, spotting the jukebox that sat behind them shut off. “Is the jukebox no longer working?” Gabriel asked curiously.

“Oh, that old bloody thing? Actually, since the day you two showed up, it would only play ‘Everyday” by Buddy Holly, a lovely song I’ll tell ya, but hearin’ it every day on repeat can get a bit much. Never were able to fix it no matter how much we tried. A shame, the thing cost me a fortune,” the owner explained, shaking his head as he looked at the old jukebox. 

Gabriel hummed, coming to realize that his little miracle was the problem. “Mind if I take a look at it?” he asked.

The owner shrugged, “No harm in tryin’, but don’t feel bad if you’re unable to fix it. Nobody is.” 

Gabriel nodded before going over to the jukebox, plugging it into the wall, and letting the lights flash on. He moved around the machine as if to examine it and attempt to figure out a problem, but really he was only stalling time before he could perform a miracle, one small enough that it shouldn’t cause any alarm in Heaven– or so he hoped. After a minute or two of messing around with the back of the machine, he waved his fingers, and like magic, the machine was fixed, and instead of ‘Everyday’ playing ‘This Charming Man’ by The Smiths filled the surrounding speakers. Beelzebub watched Gabriel immensely amused by him and still charmed by his unique ways. 

The owner was stunned as his jukebox was brought to life. “You must be an angel of some sort ‘cause every time you’ve been in this pub something inexplicable happens,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. 

Gabriel chuckled as he reapproached the bar, putting an arm around Beelzebub’s waist with a smile. “I don’t know what to say, Sir. Perhaps it’s just happenstance,” Gabriel shrugged, acting clueless to his own shenanigans. 

“Perhaps,” the owner repeated, “in any case, what can I get you, lads?” 

“Two beers,” Gabriel answered, having learned the name of the ‘intoxicating liquor’, “Ah, and a packet of crisps too.” Beelzebub smiled broadly, both amused at Gabriel’s attempt to sound British– without actually attempting the accent –and at the knowledge that he remembered that they enjoyed crisps. It was a nice, genuine gesture that they weren’t quite used to just yet. 

“Coming right up,” the owner said, grabbing the crisps and pushing them towards Beelzebub before pouring the two pints of beers and handing them to Gabriel. “Enjoy!” he exclaimed. 

“Thank you,” Gabriel said, hanging the man however much money was needed for the beer and snack. 

The owner shook his head. “On the house, for fixing my jukebox. Thank you, lad, it’s greatly appreciated.”

Gabriel smiled and offered a firm nod. “No worries at all, glad I could help,” he said before taking the beers and following behind Beelzebub to the booth they had sat at the last time they were here. They settled into their seats, enjoying the array of music that played over the speakers for them to listen to while they relished in each other's company. 

“You know, you should really try the beer this time. You might like it, Angel,” Beelzebub urged, nodding to the pint in front of them. “It’s not too bad once you get past the initial bitterness of it.”

Gabriel cringed at the thought but he couldn’t say he wasn’t curious to try. A year ago he wouldn’t have imagined liking hot chocolate, or reading, or sleeping but times change. Perhaps alcohol was worth a shot too. He shrugged, “I suppose.” He grabbed the glass in front of him and brought it to his lips to take a sip, Beelzebub watching him intently. He took a sip only to struggle to swallow it afterward, feeling a shiver crawl down his spine which he didn’t even know was possible. “Oh God, that’s horrific!” he exclaimed. “How can you, or anyone for that matter, drink that?”

Beelzebub laughed in amusement. “Oh it’s not that bad,” Beelzebub replied, “you’re just being dramatic. Maybe wine is more your thing.” 

Gabriel groveled at the idea of having to try something new again. “No, I think I’ll pass. I’ll stick with my hot chocolate for now, thank you,” he said sardonically. 

“Oh well, more for me then,” Beelzebub said, finishing their own pint in two large gulps and then grabbing Gabriel’s glass, intending to do the same. Gabriel grabbed at their hand before they could have another sip. 

“Ah ah, pace yourself, we don’t want the humans here to question our actions,” Gabriel explained. 

Beelzebub scoffed, “Oh please, they’ve been questioning our actions ever since you magically fixed the jukebox. Look,” the nodded to the surrounding guests. ‘Everyday’ had just started to play on the jukebox and a collective groan was shared throughout the establishment, though at least this time it shouldn’t play on repeat. 

Gabriel sighed gently before chuckling, unable to hold in his amusement any longer. “Oh well, fine, do whatever you please, just please don’t make me have to drag you back him,” he begged. Gabriel had never been drunk, though he knew about it only because of surrounding humans on his prior visits to Earth when he resided in Heaven.

“No need to worry, Angel, this demon can handle their liquor, believe me,” Beelzebub said, cracking open the packet of crisps and munching on a few of them. 

Needless to say, an hour later and two more beers in Beelzebub’s system, without a bottle to refill the beer in Beelzebub’s system with– and with the lack of attention they were attempting to get from the use of miracles –Gabriel had to carry Beelzebub back to their flat on his back, holding their legs securely around his waist as Beelzebub wrapped their arms around his neck for support. 

“Y’know, Gabe,” Beelzebub mumbled, their words ever so slurred, “I love you so much. I’m so glad we–” they hiccuped “--continued to have meeting despite being enemies. I don’t know what I’d do without you, well, besides rot in Hell, I guess.” Though their words made sense, Gabriel was still ever so amused at their slurred speech and unusually common sappiness. 

He could only reply with a simple, but heartfelt, “I love you too, Little Bee,” as he got out the key to open their flat door and prepare to aid his drunk partner.

[anneapocalypse]

Thoughts Before Endwalker

As I'm about to start Endwalker, I thought it was high time I actually write up some closing thoughts on Shadowbringers, and since I really haven't done this for any of the other expansions, this has turned into a general "thoughts so far" kind of post! And also long. This is not any kind of an essay, just a big long thoughts dump. Spoilers for everything through the end of the Shadowbringers patches.

And I trust I don't have to say this to my own followers at least, but just for the record: please do not tell me anything about Endwalker here, even if you think it's minor, even if you want to hint at something I'll like. I know very little and I'm looking forward to watching it all unfold.

How it started!

It's been a year and change since I started playing this game in the fall of 2022. I didn't actually expect to play very far (I only picked it up in the first place because I was helping a friend set it up! I swore I would never play an MMO! I hated multiplayer games!) and I certainly didn't ever expect to get as deep into it as I have! ARR is very handholdy for new players, which was exactly what I needed to enjoy playing and keep playing. I love the story and the characters and the world and while I do enjoy the solo aspects of the game very much, I've also ended up really actively enjoying playing with other people! I enjoy dungeons. I enjoy raids. I run roulettes more or less every day. Free Company life hasn't always been smooth sailing (long story I won't get into here), but it's also brought me a lot of fun times and some new friends, as well as seeing me step into an active leadership role and not hate it. Who am I? 😂 I don't know! It's not that I've never tried to step out of my comfort zone before when it comes to games and hobbies, it's just that most of those experiences haven't been good and I've ultimately walked away from them. I don't know why this has been different, but it has. It's challenged me to tackle and let go of a lot of old insecurities, which I'm glad for (and grateful to friends who've been patient with me along the way). It's also just been a really good time, and continues to be.

How it's gone! (ARR through Stormblood)

So here I am, in 2024, about to start the last current expansion! Shadowbringers is easily my favorite expansion thus far, but I have really enjoyed the whole ride.

I enjoyed all of ARR, because while I don't think it has the strongest writing and certainly not the strongest characterization, it's really more a very long introduction to the world and its major players and conflicts, and while slow-moving, it does serve that function, and for someone brand-new to MMOs like me, slow was okay. It gave me time to get my bearings and learn the game.

I did really love Heavensward. It hits on several aspects of Fantasy Politics that I enjoy (generations-long war, class politics, structural reform), and postwar Ishgard, while maybe still a little rosy, still doesn't shy away from the growing pains of social change. Also the dragons were cool. I loved Haurchefant a lot, and was heartbroken by his death even as I knew it was coming; I also wouldn't change it. I think his death was meaningful and the natural culmination of his character. A Knight lives to serve. I think Haurchefant was always going to go out sacrificing himself for someone else. If it hadn't been the Vault, it would have been somewhere else. He was a delight and I miss him dearly, but it was a good narrative beat and one I wouldn't change.

Ysayle, on the other hand, I really don't think needed to die. She undergoes a fascinating character arc in Heavensward which I think the writing really drops the ball on at the end. Ideally, I think Ysayle coming to terms with her missteps while continuing to fight for what she believes in would be fantastic. She could have been a meaningful figure in Ishgard's reforms, and she would have made a great Scion. Her death also simply isn't treated with the same reverence as Haurchefant's, and I think that's sad. Heavensward has a bit of a Women Problem, in that it really doesn't give us a lot of female characters who are central to the plot, in contrast to a lot of great and memorable male characters. And the one who is most central dies with a lot less fanfare than WoL BFF Haurchefant. (And I'm not knocking Haurchefant, whom I love dearly, or Aymeric or Estinien! The imbalance is just very noticeable and I wish it wasn't so.)

Stormblood tends to get a bad rap among FFXIV's expansions. It's so common to hear people say it's their least favorite, it wasn't as good as Heavensward, etc. It came up recently in a server I'm in, where a newer player said they were having a bit of content fatigue after Heavensward, and having heard that Stormblood wasn't very good, they were considering buying a story skip. Other responses were, not outright negative, but mostly lukewarm, and I felt like I was the only one who really came out for Stormblood's story. First of all, I don't agree that it's not as good as Heavensward! I grant you that not everyone is as enamored of Fantasy Politics as I am, but as mentioned above, Heavensward is also very political, so I don't really think that's the big difference. Stormblood is maybe a bit grittier in its depiction of war, and that's something I like about it; it's really about the horrors of imperialism and the cost of resistance, and it doesn't pull its punches on that.

Ironically where it does pull its punches is with character deaths, heroes and villains alike. It does feel a little like someone thought they might have hit us too hard in Heavensward, given that we haven't had a lot of major character deaths stick since. I'm not complaining about Gosetsu's return, as I liked him very much and was very happy he lived. I will grumble a little about Zenos, though I'll go easy because I know a lot of people like him. 😛 He just doesn't do much for me. Yotsuyu was a great villain, and I was really dubious when they brought her back, but was pleasantly surprised with how her story ended, to the point that I'm willing to eat a lot of what I said about memory loss as a plot device. They did well with it, and her ultimate death did feel appropriate. Yotsuyu was never going to have a redemption arc, because she didn't want to be redeemed.

It was very refreshing in Stormblood to have more female characters taking essential roles in the plot. Colorism issues aside, I do really like Lyse as a character, and I also loved seeing Yugiri and Alisaie taking prominent roles, especially Alisaie who really hadn't gotten to be in the main plot much before. Rolling around with the three of them was a blast. Raubahn is also a favorite of mine, so seeing him play a major role in Ala Mhigo's liberation and get some character development was excellent. I'm happy that he's stayed involved with the Resistance in the time since.

I also just think Stormblood's new areas are absolutely beautiful. Kugane and the Azim Steppe are particular faves, but I just think they did a great job with the environments and I loved exploring them, including the underwater bits! Eorzea and Ishgard are so European-inspired, and I really enjoyed seeing Asian cultural influences in a fantasy setting. It is after all a Japanese game!

Just this week I finished the reconstruction of the Doman Enclave. As a player who's joined the game more recently, it's always bittersweet to learn about game elements that were temporal and are now lost to time, like the evolution of Mor Dhona during the ARR patches, or the Ishgardian Restoration in the Firmament. I can go hang out in the Firmament and craft and do fêtes and custom deliveries, but I'll never get to see the Firmament being built. It was done when I got there, which for me was after completing 3.3, very soon after completing the main story of Heavensward. The Doman Enclave goes in the other direction. It is a solo experience by necessity, but it's an experience that every new player can have: making their donations every week and watching the Enclave grow. Such things are always a trade-off for an MMO, but between the two, I would definitely choose the one that doesn't lock new players out of the experience.

And to give one last shout-out to Stormblood, I think it's pretty essential setup for what's happening when Shadowbringers begins. It's not just that the Scions are dropping like flies, it's that this is happening on the brink of a full-scale Garlean invasion. Said invasion is also critical to the bad future that G'raha is ultimately trying to prevent. The state and history of Garlemald is inextricably tied to the Ascians who are tied up in all of this. Stormblood is arguably more important to the events of Shadowbringers than Heavensward is, though Heavensward is also not unimportant, both with the continued presence of Estinien (reluctantly so if we believe him 😉), and with the involvement of Tiamat in the Shadowbringers patches. It's all connected!

How it's going! (Shadowbringers)

Urianger is, unsurprisingly, a big part of why I love Shadowbringers so much, as he gets some wonderful character development there and actually gets to be in the plot! But it's not only him—I like how character-driven Shadowbringers is overall, how much the major characters are driving the story and not merely reacting to events. ARR was largely driven by the world itself; the expansions are where the story starts to become character-driven. The driving forces of Heavensward's are much bigger than the main characters, but Haurchefant and Ysayle and Aymeric and Estinien bring a personal face to the conflict and a reason for us to be invested in it. Stormblood's emotional core is Lyse, Yugiri, Gosetsu, and their collective drive to liberate their homelands from Garlean occupation.

Shadowbringers, to me, really brought all of that home. It's not only character-driven but it brings a much more personal touch, I think, to the Scions themselves, with the major players being characters we've known since ARR but now get to know in a deeper way. I've always liked Y'shtola as a character but never felt I really connected with her, and Shadowbringers changed that, even as her story in Shadowbringers is in many ways about her isolation from the others, her (sometimes justified) mistrust and the way she closes herself off even to the people closest to her. Yet there is a deep caring beneath Y'shtola's prickliness as well, which we see in her leadership of the Night's Blessed, the new family she is willing to risk her life for. She's complex and difficult, sometimes angry and stubborn, and we all know I love that in a fictional woman. I really gained a deeper appreciation for her as a character here.

I've said my piece on Minfilia already, so I'll try not to repeat myself too much. I will say that Thancred is the main character I have the hardest time with in Shadowbringers. I appreciated the additional character development given to him at first, but as the story made Minfilia's death more and more all about him to the exclusion of everyone else, the more I started to kind of resent it. It really gets under my skin how he treats Ryne for like, the entire time until Minfilia Prime's final departure. The narrative kind of treats it like oh, he just has a hard time expressing how he really feels! and honestly I don't fully agree with that framing. I think Thancred's cold and harsh attitude toward Ryne does reflect how he really feels at that time—namely, he's angry and lonely and upset for valid reasons, but he's taking them out on a teenager who's fully dependent on him for her survival, to the point that she admits she thinks he hates her. His legitimate pain doesn't justify that to me, and it really kinda chaps my ass how everyone just agrees that he's the one with the most claim to call Ryne family, when Urianger was far kinder, gentler, and more comforting to Ryne than Thancred ever was. And Urianger was in pain too. He also regrets what happened to Minfilia, and his part in it. He was carrying a terrible secret that he couldn't tell his closest friends, which put one of those friends' life in danger. He just owned his feelings, instead of taking them out on a scared kid. I know my bias is obvious, and I swear I don't hate Thancred 😛 but I really didn't like his behavior here and I wasn't really satisfied with the way the narrative handled it.

Probably my least favorite part of Shadowbringers was Vauthry. I just do not like "fat" as shorthand for "evil" and I think there could have been better ways to design him that didn't fall back on that trope. Even Dulia-Chai, a very lovable character in the end whomst we stan, does fall into some fatphobic tropes, and it's unfortunate that in a game without much body diversity (not to single out FFXIV, that's a problem for games generally), we only got fat character models as signifiers for "rich person" (yeah, I get that "fat cat" is the joke, it's just not a good joke) and "repulsive, evil abomination." No love!

On a lighter note, the return of G'raha Tia as the Crystal Exarch was simply wonderful. G'raha was very cute and fun during the Crystal Tower story but his presence was quite short-lived, so we didn't fully get to know him then. I think it's pretty easy to guess that it's him under the hood; he has a distinctive voice and lip shape and also the tower is right there. So the question becomes why he is hiding his identity, what his true motives are, and that's all intriguing! The fact that his plan hinges on his pretending to be the villain at the end and he utterly fails at convincing anyone is… deeply charming. But one of the things I love most about him is the kindness he extends to the people of Norvrandt. Even though his primary mission is the salvation of the Source, he gets attached to these people, offers up the resources of the Crystal Tower freely to improve their lives, helps build a home and sanctuary, fights for the First and becomes deeply invested in their survival as well. He has a huge heart, and I love him. I'm delighted that he gets to return and join the Scions at the end, and it's already been a lot of fun to have him along on the patch quests.

And of course, Urianger my love. 💜 He really shines in this story and every scene with him was a delight, even when I was climbing the walls needing to know what he was hiding. He gets so much good character development in Shadowbringers I could go on for hours about it, but I did especially love the Echo scene where you see G'raha asking him to lie—and you see how much he doesn't want to do it. Urianger's really been on a long arc ever since Moenbryda's death, and I don't think that arc is over yet, but my biggest worry for him as the cracks started to form in his story was that we'd find he hadn't changed, and was lying here for the same reasons he did in the Heavensward patches, and as easily. And that's not the case at all. He hated doing it before, and he really doesn't want to do it again, but G'raha's reasoning is just too strong for him to refuse. I brought it up recently but I think Shadowbringers reveals an Urianger who despite his long isolation really doesn't want to be alone, and does want his friends' understanding and approval and their trust. The look he gives the Warrior of Light if they say they trust him, and then the way he submits himself to their judgment when things go wrong while begging to be allowed to help fix things… god. I love him. And I'll stop there for now, since I'm sure I'll have a lot more to say about him in the future. ;)

Emet-Selch is a fascinating villain, certainly the most interesting Ascian we've seen so far, and the one who finally turns what have been fairly two-dimensional powerful bad guys into a truly motivated and complex faction. My favorite villains are always the ones who believe they're the hero, and there are a lot of parallels between Emet-Selch and Solas from Dragon Age: Inquisition which will be obvious to anyone who's played both games. FFXIV being a more linear story afford the player a lot less choice in how they respond to their villains true motives and history, but there's definitely still an expectation that we will sympathize somewhat with Emet-Selch, and recognize the tragedy of what happened to his people.

Ardbert's ghost, too, was a welcome addition to the story. Between his presence and the role quests (which were 100% worth doing in their entirety), I felt like we finally got to actually know the Warriors of Darkness against which we briefly clashed back in the Heavensward patches, and I really felt the pathos of their story, all they fought for and lost, but also their friendship and how they cared for one another.

Shadowbringers is beautiful in so many ways. The design of the Crystarium is gorgeous. Il Mheg is probably my favorite location in the game so far. Eulmore is a fascinating dark mirror of Limsa Lominsa. The way the game takes the idea of "a world being swallowed by light" and interprets that visually is so stunning. The sky over Lakeland arrests you immediately upon arrival, and the crystallization of the Flood of Light where it was halted at the edged of Amh Araeng is a chilling reminder of how much the First has already lost. The music has also been a highlight for me! I really adore the Shadowbringers music, and it has prompted me to go about collecting orchestrion rolls more deliberately than I had before.

The more I sit and write about how much I loved this expansion, the more I think of, so while I could definitely go on, I think I'll wrap it up there. 🙂

Onward to Endwalker. I'm not making any predictions this time, because I have done my absolute damnedest to stay unspoiled for this one and I know very little about what's coming other than what the locations are, what's been revealed in the Shadowbringers patches, and that it's the end of the big story arc we've been on since ARR. I'm extremely excited.