#i just think its SO FUNNY this keeps happening bc like
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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馃槼馃槼馃槼 OMG
THE IDEA OF KOKICHIS FATHER USING MENTAL HEALTH STIGMA *AGAINST* KOKICHI IS SO INSANE (AFFECTIONATE) OMG
im still playing w my kokichi mento illness hcs but i ttthink im gonna go w bpd? we'll see what this little fucker does tho, im not writing him, hes writing me
also fun facts theres a link between adhd and conduct disorder in that if you abuse a kid w/adhd theres a greater than average chance that theyll develop conduct disorder and lbr.... yes thats where i got it from 馃様
(also WE OUT HERE NOT HAVING SHIT ON OUR RECORDS!! my ONLY on-paper dx is ptsd and even then i wish i didnt have that. i do not want my doctors diagnosing me w crazy bitch syndrome when i need painkillers)
(also ps osdd system too!! mine is weird in that like.... we USED to function like an osdd1a system but then i moved out and they were like "FUCK being fragments all my homies HATE being fragments" and since their job was done and they didnt NEED to be a mental epipen to influence me, they developed full personalities n shit. so now we are an osdd1b system? i also practice soulbonding, which yk having that practice very much helped when i discovered the traumagenic alters. like, i alr knew how to do system shit)
also wrt resources. first off: DO NOT GO ON REDDIT do NOT GO ON QUORA and if u see a couple like, sociopath specific forums on The Internet. do not go there as well
aspd tumblr is the most Normal About It, all those other places are the most self cannibalizing fakeclaimers of All Time. aspd tiktok is a mix of people farming it for clout and people just talking about it and tbh i dont rly interact with it uuuhhh at all
on tumblr tho your-aspd-dad is a very good resource!! used to be run by one mod, then a bunch, sadly abandoned. it was me reading that blog for character research and going "haha, i do that!!! and that! and that. and that... and....that..... oh no" that started my wonderful journey into hell
i also used to talk a LOT about aspd on my durarara blog @wawawawawawawawawawawawawa but ur gonna have to deal w gay twink meta framing it, just filter by my original posts n they should all come up evenchually
theres also this one article called "the hidden suffering of the psychopath" which is apparently controversial but idfk anything abt that. but i feel the need to mention it bc its author is a diagnosed psychopath (hes an older guy so his dx was from back when they still did that) and a lot of it is drawing from personal experience and like, its very imperfect but i like it a lot. makes me feel hashtag seen. not many people rly talk about that kind of thing yk?
id answer more but im lowk REALLY bad at open ended questions 馃槶 but just off the top of my head: i was in a relationship for SIX YEARS before i realized that he did actually feel bad for accodentally hurting me and his apologies werent just handwaving stuff to get me to shut up. breaking news remorse exists! big if true. its been a few years since i realized this and honestly its just funny af now but like. for Six Of God's Own Years. i forgot remorse existed and that people felt it
@kindlyre
Okay I'm VERY curious as to what mental illness you're writing Rantaro to have because it seems to be one of those stigmatized ones and I'm v curious???
#my bitching abt being the sickopath info guy is mostly in jest#i just think its SO FUNNY this keeps happening bc like#i also have npd. i need everyone to like me so much or i will pass away#and yet i was cursed by a wizard to talk about aspd in a way thats unpallatable to even other ppl w the disorder#this is some ironic ass life purpose right here 馃槶#and yes ive gotten shit for it#p much every ableist thing said in the fic is either like#something i have personally seen someone say wrt aspd#or something that has ACTUALLY BEEN SAID directly to me#like uhh one person on the forums tries to say (with no basis other than 'he loves his sisters')#that rantaro does not have aspd and is instead autistic#this is a thing my friend said TO ME in the REAL WORLD to my ACTUAL FACE#with the ONLY BASIS being that i was nice#n when i was like AND WHY DO YOU THINK THIS (angrily. ofc.)#he was like 'mmm internalized ableism maybe :)'#sir you do not have aspd. this is just regular ableism#why are you making headcanons on my mental health. you havent even been to my house#we have never hung out outside of work. hello.#people rly do have The Audacity
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CAUSE THIS IS THRILLER (bark), THRILLER (bark) NIGHT
Usopp's outfit is so funny for reals
He got the whole squad laughing
Luffy enablers at it again.... (Robin.... I know.....)
The humor panels so far have been so good!!! God this arc is so funny
HE SAID IT鈥硷笍鈥硷笍
They look like birds 馃槶馃槶
It's just too good... luffy taking cerberus and zombies what can't he do
It's just banger after banger what can I say
Franky feeling for other people because of his guilt complex and sanji lying through his teeth and pulling out the women excuse to seem unaffected... yeah
Look at them.... look how they ate
Omg joyboy reference?? (No)
Sanji is rubbing off on usopp.... also chopper noticing that is sogeking's weapon akdhaksjak
ANOTHER SLAY!!!!!
Their priorities: I'm not strong enough, there isn't enough food, and nami isn't here
Franky going from wanting to kill brook for his jokes to making a joke like his after he hears his backstory... exactly (Robin was already enabling him before the backstory even fdagjsfha)
Sanji is altering his body and actually being on fire to communicate to us how fucking mad he is..... I need more of him going insane I do I do
My god what is he doing ALDJALAJALA
AHSAHAHQHAH THEY ARE THE SAME!!! naaah sanji wouldn't force a woman to be his wife
You cant see me but I am nodding my head in agreement over and over
You don't understand he altered his body to communicate to us how mad he is. He inploded himself and then reconstituted again. Those germa 66 genes are insane
You tell em usopp!!!! The first of many girls you've scared into defeat!!! Akdjqknql
Zoro zombie regressed to not trusting robin akdjaks he's still in there
ROBI-CHO SUPLEX??? HELL YEAAAAAH
There is zosa- [GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT]
Super frapper gong.... he is doing combo shots with frobin... omg.... parents....
Everything is so fun I'm having such a good time reading.... and then zosan angst like damn I am being fed well here
#in the anime the guys didn't say they wanted to die aldjlajala for the kids luffy just wants to turn into a clam#thriller bark is so funny.... 'worst arc' my ass.... it's funny as hell and then we get zosan angst. best thing ever#same with skypiea but there we got really nice relationships betwen characters and nolan x calgara homoeroticism for the ages#and LORE for the ages. not like the kuma incident won't be talked about in the history books but yeah#everyone calling absalom perv salom... yeah#sanji in that fucking penguin never gets old.... also HELLO LOLA#moira fought against kaido and lost akdjsksnks is that why he became a warlord? just like whitebeard defeated crocodile?? out of spite??#also what is the land of ice where moira got oars? he also mentioned it before too... i thot he was referring to ryuma so it was wano but n#the legend of the continent puller who built a nation of villains.... okay okay oars....#oars was killed 500 years ago.... 鉁嶏笍鉁嶏笍 this somehow feels important bc of its closeness to the void century etc#zombie luffy oars wanting sanjis food.... 馃毈馃毈馃毈 of course.....#oars luffy maintaining his dream... yeah yeah. also namis outfits for this arc are so sickening.... i miss them already#the zombie generals being at absalom's wedding... thats so funny..#luffy oars is so funny aldjslsn just making himself a hat and steering his giant ship... of course#you guys think they are going to make sanji mad about the clear clear fruit in the opla or completely ignore it bc his reasoning is bad#like it makes sense with the wci backstory it does but that would be spoilers lmao. so its either he wants to peep on women or nothing#i love the greek chorus of the two zombies telling the audience how they are both as bad in that regard. amazing#did ryuma use french for his attack.... there is zosan everywhere for tho-[GUNSHOTS]#zombie ryuma's design is also cool as hell.... his blood is literally fire.... come on now....#also zoro says he wants to act like this fight didnt happen... is that why he says fuck all in wano to hiyori? damn. he said i put shame#in you and your country but i will keep it quiet bc you gave me a cool sword and fight and i am actually so honorable. thats him yeah...#zombie zoro and sanji remaining tfait being that they hate (love fighting) each other... there is zosa-[GUNSHOT GUNSHOT GUNSHOT]#i forgot how much oars destroyed them... after enies lobby they seem untouchable but without their captain there... the gears are turning..#also btw i cannot believe im gonna get an answer about why the skypieans and the shandians have wings. thats insane#i am enjoying luffy oars so much it is so fun. trying to enjoy it bc i know i won't be laughing anymore once sabaody kicks in.... fuck me..#usopp and franky wanting to wait for luffy to beat oars down but zoro and sanji know... and they will KNOW soon enough....#i forgor kuma asked about ace to nami... what is going on. kuma coming from the warlord meeting too.... did he want to warn him??#he wanted to inform moria about balckbeard becoming a warlord omg here we go.... also moria being racist towards kuma hello???#and he strictly follows the government.... until here bc he lets luffy go.... christ.... he asks about ace bc he knew what blackbeard did..#reading one piece
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do you ever think about how kon got drugged to the point of inability to think clearly and then enslaved for Two Fucking Months and then we just never mentioned that again? that is, except for when he went back to visit and help out the guys who enslaved and drugged him because he was lonely enough to befriend them after they said oh sowwy we didn't know you were a person uwu. i think about this a normal amount
#rimi talks#sorry yeah im thinking about That Fucking Arc again alsdhfkjds#if i had a nickel for every time kon got enslaved to be used as a trophy fighter for someone's entertainment while he was 16 years old...#...i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's kind of strange that it happened twice !#but at least the time with kossak didn't involve keeping him DRUGGED TO COMPLACENCY the entire time holy fuck#and was also MUCH shorter than TWO GODDAMN MONTHS#genuinely i think. like that arc is ridiculous in a lot of ways but if i take anything from it#it's that a) kon is so fucking lonely he will befriend people who have treated him Atrociously if they just go oh im sowwy#and also b) i just don't think he'll ever handle any mind-altering substances well after that. even if he represses it and thinks he's fine#its such a bonkers fucking insane arc but if you actually think about it its so incredibly fucked up????#and so much of it (like. so much else in sb94) is treated as humorous#but is in fact horrifying in implication. kon girlies we stay winning (kon gets fucked up but its fine bc its funny right)!!!!
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some bobbles (+ two unfinished things)
#bonk.png#undescribed#exocolonist#i was a teenage exocolonist#iwatec#iwatex#anyway first thing bc its the shortest i dont think sol would actually id as anything n prefer to be unlabeled#bc of like. the timeloop stuff n every life kind of blending together BUT i think it'd be funny as hell if they were aro#n just never became aware of this bc their self reflection skills in regards to shit unrelated to the loop are That Bad#also im aro n like when characters are aro + love it when characters are kind of deranged about their friends#speaking of which madoka au! forever ago i drew the 馃 meme with sol n homura n now im coming back to that#its not a 1 to 1 au straight up the commonalities begin n end at ''tammy & sol are kind of like madoka/homura''#stuff i got down for it in a sleep deprived haze were that sol nemmie n tangent were the only magical girls#n tammy hasnt been offered to become one nemmie n tangent arent aware that sol is a magical girl for a while#friendgroup at school is nemmie cal tammy n sol (tangent goes to a different school n is separate until she teams up with nemmie)#nemmie n tang team up bc somehow witch attacks keep being diverted from certain locations n grief seeds are disappearing#which is actually sol's doing theyre moving witches away from areas tammy will be n the grief seeds are to 1. discourage nem n tang from#fighting witches n 2. so sol can stockpile them basically bc they use timetravel a lot n need to keep their gem clean#the timeloop has progress (to an extent) its not a singular month looping its kind of like. video game save mechanics#like reloading the save u have before a bossfight n then if ur not adequately prepared reloading a save u have farther back#n then continuing on until u get stuck on a specific fight again yknow#theres more but moving on to the two unfinished things those are meant to be like a utdr au (specifically dr)#in a similar manner to the previous au of same premise n setting but different story bc theyre different characters#there's a lot less set for this au its entirely just playing in the sand n has nothing beyond vague role assignments#the first one that's like lineart in different colors is entirely scrapped bc i didnt like how it was turning out (meant to be darkworld fit#second one i struggled BADLY with marz oh my god this au is literally primarily for having fun with character designs but oh my god.#as it says there shes meant to be a modern art styled metal monster (got the metal idea from her dads' names n the modern art bc shesrefined#n sleek) but i had no actual idea how to convey that n i was trying to tackle it from a pixel art angle this time n i could notfigure it out#n then nomi nomi was super easy literally didnt even sketch them theyre a tiny pixie im sorry marz T-T#probably not gonna touch on this stuff again cause i was fixing on exo to avoid thinking about my bday but its happened so im fine now 馃憤
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this is a test
#i鈥檓 bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that鈥檚 actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let鈥檚 think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i鈥檓 not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that鈥檚 a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn鈥檛 all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there鈥檚 probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don鈥檛#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i鈥檓 actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it鈥檚 crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they鈥檙e all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that鈥檚 made everything a bit messy. i should鈥檝e been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you鈥檙e being annoying i literally don鈥檛 care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it鈥檚 just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don鈥檛 really have any thoughts to put here idk if we鈥檙e halfway ermmmm omg it鈥檚#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it鈥檚 wild how it鈥檚 basically almost christmas. like#what. that鈥檚 illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn鈥檛 crash or#smth cause i鈥檝e not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i鈥檝e saved it and holy jesus it鈥檚 a lot of text im just sat here giggling there鈥檚 really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn鈥檛 that be crazy) so wait there鈥檚 140#haracters and 30 tags so what鈥檚 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven鈥檛 done maths lessons in two and a half years i鈥檝e forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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"my education is my highest priority" everything returns to vocaloid
#delete later#shitpost#vocaloid#?? idk i might keep it up. yes ik turning off rbs is a thing now technically but i always keep forgetting and also naaaah.#i might go edit proper tags in later just bc i dont this to show up in main pages but i needdddddd the organization on here#i made this a while back procrastinating on a linguistics reading and then never posted it#AND THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE BC IM POSTING IT NOW WHILE PROCRASTINATING ON ANOTHER LINGUISTICS READING LMAOO#dudeee i gotta lock in. oh my god. its so bad up in here triple assault. i cant focus on SHIT. WHY DO I ALWAYS GET IDEAS WHEN IM BUSY AHGHH#this might be revealing a bit too much info but pls this is legit what happened LMAOO 馃槶馃ゴ#we're starting ipa alphabet stuff now and im like 'hey i already know you...' from phoneme fuckery ive had to do for voca shitposts#knowing linguistics is cool cause u get to dissect what makes languages work and i thought that'd be genuinely helpful for things#like i plan to do more english/spanish translation work specifically so yuh. but also I KNOW internally in my heart...#despite trying to give the professional justifications I KNOW my stupid ass is secretly just absorbing all this knowledge for voca purposes#my brand of shitposting goes against the very origin of the word since 'shitposting' originally refers to very low effort low quality memes#so there's been a semantic shift in definition even outside of mine but i still think its really funny. i put a lot of genuine hard work#into making stupid little jokes to amuse primarily myself and maybe anyone else who finds it on the internet. so yea#no but genuinely though its unironically incredible how much shit i've learned direct or indirectly for vocaloid shitposting purposes
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Why do I always end up stumbling upon the gen alts of my fav authors by accident 馃槶 I mean like YAY more food to my tastes but also y'all. The pattern recognition is real.
#i can keep a secret bc i dont talk ever#i dont work at mcdonalds im not a snitch#i just thinks its funny lmao#this is the fourth time this has happened#am i 100% certain its them? no. am i 99% certain? yes.#i cant be the only one who does this#youll be browsing the tag scanning some fics and pick one and go Wait#hold up a min this feels familiar#VERY familiar even#grim rants#either thats the same damn person or theyre HEAVILY inspired by said nff author#sometimes i find 'em the other way around too#like ooohh you ARE a fellow freak i thought so UwU
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like i wouldnt mind like. Not having new linear games post 5 its judt that sims 4 wasnt even supposed to Be The Sims 4 it was a last minute pivot and the base code is so outdated and was broken On launch so like. i just wish we could have the final actual sims game be like. one that was always intented to be a major sims release AND be intended to be so long term . yk
#i dont even want like. Ooh major graphical updates whatever if sims 5 was announced and they looked photorealizstic id hurl i wouldnt play#it#my ideal would ig be sims 4 with a touch more realism style wise. if this makes sense#like its a bittt too cartoony for me but i like the like. Clay hair or whatever SJFNFJ. and i think having it be simple in basegame means#you can customize it easier + itd run better on more pcs#so im fine eith that. i would nottt want it more cartoony#i also like. I understand the sims is like. an all ages game i do sometimes wish that the animations in 4 were a bit toned down#like i dont mind silly goofy wacky stuff i think its fun and like. The sims has always been a bit sillay yk. but the overexaggerated#animations r sometimes like -_-.... to me. but thats personal preference#IDK. the tags that show up when i type idk r so funny. do i ever know anything. sources say no#BUT ya i just rly wish like. if this is what they wanna do i wish theyd give us One more full game give it lots of time and love and rly rly#focus on having it excel at like. being this partnof the sims#since they wanna have like. Other sims games that have online features and multiplayer and everything. they could use that to make sure that#ts5 was Rly solid as a foundation and as like. ykwim..... they could plan updates for the future And dlc or whatever and i just think itd be#a better move than trying to make sims 4 happen#bc i judt dont think With all the updates in the world. sims 4 wont ever be like. what it couldve been. yk. i just dont think you can make#it work without Fullllyyyy just starting over.#and at this point with like..so many modders and stuff and everything and how much dlc there is thatd be impossible Esp if they keep#releasing new stuff which. They will ^_^#idk. im excited for some other lifesim games im keeping my eye out#but i rly do love the sims and i just wish that it could be as good as it could be. It has such a huge budget and team and like. if ea would#stop just trying to make as much money as possible off it i feel like they could make Such an amazing game. not to put down indie gamedevs#at all the games jve been looking at look Incredible like.. yk. but the fact those games are so good eith FAR smaller teams and budgets is#like. imagine what we could have if the sims had that amt of care and time put into it.#but whatever whatever whatever. sorry im just rambling#again ik what i would want from my platonic ideal of a sims game isnt what everyone would eant#but idk. i feel like another good step might be like. making the other sims games more available and updating them so they run better on#modern pcs. but i dont think thatll ever happen DNDNFJFNFN.
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MAC OHHH MY FUCKING GOD. ONE OF THE EPISODES OF A SHOW EVER HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE NORMAL AFTER THIS???? HOW???? how long is he going to be FUCKING DEAD FOR!!!! the ashe & mark argument that i felt deep within my soul & miserable on behalf of both parties about them!!! dakotaisms!!! the fucking like. genre conflict of their sillygoofy teen titans shenanigans with a real world where there r men with guns who will simply kill you!! THEYRE WEEKENDING AT BERNIES WILLIAM WISPS PURPLE MORPH SUIT COVERED CORPSE. kicking down your door with a loud bang & then just standing there wild eyed kind of shaking and trembling like a chihuahua
DUUUUDE DUDE DUDE DUDE HEAH. FUCK. s1e19 definitely one of my favorites of all time. i listened to that one during the back half of my shift this afternoon and got to the ashe/mark argument just as i was starting pm checks.... standing in the cramped laundry room in the basement washing my filter socks like
i think about them so much dude. AND THEYRE BOTH RIGHT. WHICH MAKES IT HURT MORE. LIKE. BOTH THEIR SIDES ARE SO REAL. i cannot wait for u to learn more about them pleaseeeee i need 2 talk winters family analysis with you when you get to . certain parts. season 2 is gonna fucking wreck u i know it.
BUT. THEY BALANCE IT OUT WITH THE SILLIES SO VERY FUCKING WELL. GOD. good fucking show dude. good fucking show !!!!!! williams ghost throwing ice cubes at mark while his fucking. rotting corpse sits in the bathtub!!! what thefuck man
#ITS REALLY FUNNY LIKE. JUST HOW FUCKING EMO THIS SHOW MAKES ME. AND LIKE. SEASON 1 IS TAME. IF U CAN BELIEVE IT.#i know i keep hyping up season 2 but genuinely i have not full on sobbed at a show like i did at pd season 2 in so long.#like. could not listen to the show at work bc i fully could not stop myself from crying#and didnt want to do that outside the safety of my apartment type episodes.#ughhhhhh#HEY. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. ONE OF MY FAVORITE MARK WINTERS MOMENTS HAPPENS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE NEXT EPISODE. ITS SO FUCKING SILLY.#also i have an animatic of it so i cant wait 2 send u that when u get there hehehehehe#im strategically not answering any of your questions about wiwi because if i start talking about him rn ill go crazy .#literally always thinking about wiwi wisp at all times every day#u come stand in the doorway of my room shaking like a chihuahua#and i am sitting here on the couch like. a fuckign . grizzled old pyrenees who has spent his life battling coyotes#asks#friends!!!#intertexts#UGHGHGHH GOING CRAZY ABOUT PRIME DEFENDERS FOREVER.#OH I CAN SEND YOU TRIVIA NOW. YIPPEE
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#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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Saejima and his prison crew still meeting up sometimes to have dinner and beers and maybe a tabletop role play is a head canon that I simply think is very cute.
#rggo sending him back bc he wanted to properly thank okudera and check in on him was the best thing ever to me#bc i already had thr idea in my head that of all the lads he is actually the one most likely to keep relationships up to some degree#which is sweet when you think about him not seeing anyone for 25 years and then think about what happened with Yasuko#So I was like yeah he and Kido def get beers once in a while and catch up#once all the boys are out im certain same shit for them too#its just a nice idea to me#also him and himura are still just funny to me#he could have been so much more reluctant about their weird sapporo roleplay visit thing#but he just went along with it 馃槀#oshima and baba just sitting there like 馃槓馃槓 this shit again#it would make no sense to send majima back to hokkaido when he was arrested at the start of 6#but i hope they did and he an the old boys at least got to chill together 鈽狅笍#saejima not majima eo yai yai so many jimas so little time#thank fuck daigo gets called daigo and not dojima id be fuckin him up too
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Stampede aka another episode of luffy turning haters into dick riders just with his kind and big heart
#i might understand all the robin law fanfare... its been 26 minutes of stampede......#frobin reigns supreme imo still.....#VICEADMIRAL MOMONGA TOCAME LA PORONGA??? HELLO#THE LOG POSE TO LAUGH TALE???? and hancock arrived 鉂わ笍鉂わ笍#usopp saving luffh omg.....#blonde buggy..... why are we doing this to out beautiful women...#fujitora is on his own frequency... here you go a meteorite.. whatever happens to all of you and our troops happens goodbye#mihawk intervened bc zoro couldn't do it omg.... nami keep watch he is going to end it all tonight jesus#also persona following mihaw for a second movie ajdjaks.... i love them together honestly#brosalino is the kuma guy's uncle????? nepotism......#calling this guy the heir of the demon.... taking blame off ace akdjsksn.... you know whats funny in movies garp is very like thoughtful and#comprehensive of others peoples issues and then you get to how he raised luffy and like.... wouldn't that have been good there....#and with ace too lmao.... i mean he didnt have abandonment issues but just wait and see to a 10yo asking if he is worthy of living idk...#i get the meaning of it and what he meant but we all know ace didnt get that at the time until luffy got there#usopp.... see how when oda writes the movies it feels different.... first steong world with namo and now stampede with usopp...#the relationship moments really hit.. i was gonna comment about zoro and the cursed sword but that was just focusing on him#well this one wasnt written by oda but supervised i will take it....#hina taking the kids aldjakskal...... smoker and hina best straight ship behind frobin imo..... baby 5 x sai number 3 spot#sabo....... actually thank you bc smoker thinks he can take anybody#hancock and buggy AJSJAKAKLQQ omg usopp dont cry....... luffy will KILL that guy for making usopp feel like that lmao YEAAAH!!!!!#law smoker sabo the luffy lover squad..... each in their own way lmao#hancock its been so long how are you <3 omg law what are you doing here <3 my brother sabo hello.#crocodile made the plan of course.... luffy lover member too#usopps bullets omg....#sanji and zoro against lucci omg..... YEAAAHHHH#wait a second straw hat crew costume by uniqlo design team??? THE DRIP!!!#luffy seeing ace beside luffy with the fire goodbye.... he is EVERYWHERE#talking tag#watching one piece#watching one piece movies
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man im out with a cold again and i was like "i think since i am just chilling at home today anyways i will write :)" but dude. what do supergiant put in their games. i am not writing i am in gamer town
#rimi talks#its funny bc i keep thinking abt hades while im working on dc fic and then i start playing hades and i go haha i like kon :)#is it my fault that there are konisms in zagreus hadesgame. or that i have a type#but also for real i trust supergiant games with my life. i need to finish bastion... im scared bro i have a feeling its gonna hurt me#and then i have to play pyre (i know very little abt pyre but like on purpose but i just get the feeling its also gonna hurt me)#(just based on the fact that transistor FUCKING HURTED ME)#its honestly really fun to compare as i play through each of them tho like how theyre similar and different#like its a lil funny that bastion starts off like ''we are rebuilding after the calamity!'' but transistor is. The Calamity Is Happening.#The Calamity Is Ongoing And You Will Not Make It.#can't wait to see what pyre is like when i finish bastion and get to it. which reminds me i need to text duck so that--#--i can make them watch me finish bastion because i have a feeling it will make me sad.#and what is friendship if not being sad about video games. TOGETHER.#this is such a long tag ramble uh. what was i talking about#um. wheres esha's timkon transistor au art. i need to go find and cry about that again
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i want to say the wildest thing about wish is that disney fully funded and released a movie where the bad guy could basically be a metaphor for the disney company. but it's even wilder because they funded and released it as their celebratory 'we're 100 years old and we're soooo great' movie. and what's even wilder than that is that their 'we're 100 years old and we're so great movie', which features a bad guy who is basically a metaphor for their company, was a flop
#i saw it today! as critical as i am of disney as a company i do really love their animated movies#HOWEVER#I was dubious going into this bc it was so universally hated but like..... its really not that bad?#its not amazing either. like its no tangled or beauty and the beast or anything.#but ppl r out here saying its disney worst movie like theyve never seen home on the range or chicken little.#also lots of ppl doing very poor analysis of a film that is really not that deep or layered tbqh#also lots of ppl being just straight up racist! you can critique a movie and its main character without being racist. it IS possible u know#anyway im rambling but this whole thing is just so funny to me#also ftr though im not sure the movie itself deserves all the hate its gotten i do think it is time for disney to fall from grace#im sorry it happened with a movie that doesnt totally deserve it but if their 100 year celebration movie being panned#doesnt force them to make good movies again then nothing will. 馃し馃徏#i also wouldnt cry if they died as a company but i think thats really unlikely.#so if theyre going to keep existing the least they can do is make good movies.
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sometimes you read something and youre like why am i reading this what is the point and sometimes you read something and its like there is virtually no plot but i am simply reading to see this one guy completely fail at everything
#the fact that first reading tcf is like the first one is so funny to me#i remember reading the comments going the plot starts really rolling around 100 chapters in#and thinking if it takes 100 chapters for it to get good then is it really that spectacular?#and then when i was reading it i was like#theres literally nothing happening but somehow its intriguing?#and i want to keep reading just to see this guy fail like truly i was reading tcf bc it was reading as a comedy to me#which it kind of is but i wasnt considering any of the serious aspects#despite the fact it was what was keeping me reading bc the little hints of something more#the funny was just enough for me to jot get bored and say fuck it#and then of course when it suddenly got supremely interesting no funny necessary and i was like wow this is really good actually#and u know what the comments were right it really does suddenly get good at 100 chapters#which isnt to say the first 100 chaps suck ass its just like extremely long set up#anyways this is bc im trying to figure out the plot of color of magic beyond there is an insane tourist and a poor wizard needs to keep him#alive bc the gods are fucking with him#not to say i need there to be something more bc im very happy with just this but it got me thinking abt what the rest of the series is abt?#like IS there an overarching plot or is it just books abt random little guys we follow and laugh at#im fine with either but the curiosity is killing me and i have neither the time nor the money to read the rest of the series#michi tag#im not even halfway thru the first one but i know i wanna read more#anywaysss
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