#i just think i deserve a Castiel for myself

[amemipiacitu]

Me: Lord please, why can't I have a in-real-life Castiel for myself?

The Lord: you mean a drug addicted who'd cheat on you with any living being like Endverse Cas?

Me: well, no, not again, please...

The Lord: oh, what was his name?

Me: nevermind.

The Lord: ok, so what about a narcissistic mofo who believe he's God and want you to be his servant like season 6 Castiel?

Me:...

The Lord: you had that one already if I recall correctly.

Me: yeah, I did. It didn't work, thanks!

The Lord: Gotcha! What about a regular Cas?

Me: Yes! Exactly!

The Lord: ...too busy with his war, trying to get you involved, sometimes lying to you in order to have things his way...

Me: ...damnit.

The Lord: we tried that too, didn't we?

[sofreddie]

Not Our First Fan

Summary: Y/N is a friend, but also a fan. Dosing her with a truth serum should reveal if she's a threat, like other fans in the past. But what's revealed surprised them even more.

Characters: Dean x F!Reader, Sam, Castiel, Rowena

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Drugging, First POV/Alternating POV, Smut (Protected Sex, Oral Sex), Mentions of Breeding Kink

WC: 12, 393 (Yikes!)

A/N: Ok, so, over the course of a few months, when I had to take my roommate's kid to speech therapy, I sat in the car in the parking lot and just wrote. A little each time until it grew into this massive and awesome fic, and I am so happy to share it! Feedback is appreciated. : )

My Masterlist

Y/N POV

I sat in stunned silence across the table from Sam and Dean, my eyes flitting between them as I processed what Sam had just said. There was a truth serum in my drink. He had questions and didn’t trust my potential responses.

I hadn’t been with them long, an accident that landed me - a mere fan - in their lives. Although we had become amicable, I never thought they’d use such methods.

“So, what do you want to know?”

I was surprised at my calm tone as I polished off my drink and pushed the glass away. It was already in me; there was no need to be thirsty or sober.

“The truth.”

“Obviously.” I rolled my eyes at Sam before glancing at Dean, who sat silently and watched.

“We have to know; to protect ourselves. Not our first fan.”

I rolled my eyes again. I knew that, too, but it didn’t stop me from feeling offended.

“Is there a question, or…?”

Sam snorted at my attitude. There was no escaping this, so I hoped I could play it like it didn’t scare me or that I had nothing to hide.

“Fine.” He sat up straighter and shook his arms before leaning forward, casually resting his arms on the table as he leveled a heavy gaze at me. “How do you honestly think and feel about me?”

He smirked slightly at my surprised look. I didn’t want to answer, but I could feel the words bubbling up on their own, trying to hold them back, making me sick to my stomach.

“You’re really freakin’ hot. Nice to look at. I would love a night or two to bang you like a screen door in a hurricane. But there’s a lot I don���t like, and I don’t see anything beyond friends because of your issues.”

My eyes widened with every word that fell, and I was mortified when I finished. I couldn’t read Sam, but he seemed equally surprised, smug, and offended. At least it shut him up for a minute. Dean, however, was unchanged and unreadable.

“Well, I guess it’s safe to say it’s working,” Sam huffed humorlessly.  

I wished a hole would open and swallow me up, take me away from this forming shitstorm.

“So,” he leaned forward again, and I already knew what he would ask next. I shook my head, silently begging him not to. “How do you honestly think and feel about Dean?”

God, I fought. My fingers gripped the table, and I shook my head as pained sounds passed through my pressed-shut lips. The word vomit was collecting in the back of my throat to choke me.

"Y/N?" Sam pressed, probably wondering - same as myself - how I was holding back. Dean's shell cracked enough that I could see concern.

“I love and admire him,” I spat, the words painfully and forcefully pulled from me, my heart and mind feeling shredded with each uttered word. “I’m in love with him. I want to show him he is worthy of love and be the one to give it to him. And kids. And the Hunter Pie life. To give him all he ever wanted because he deserves it and more.”

Tears streamed down my face, and I panted to breathe as twin looks of utter shock passed over the brothers.

“Please,” I begged, jumping from my seat. “Please, no more. Don’t do this.”

As they hesitated, I took the opening and ran like hell from the Library to my room. I could hear them shouting as I retreated in horror.

“Don’t. Let her go, Sam.”

“Dean!”

I slammed and locked the bedroom door behind me, then slowly fell into bed, hard sobs wracking my body, and my heart shattered until I passed out.

-

I was determined to forget about it when I woke up. Or, I would do my best to ignore them and continue my usual domestic duties. 

I went to the bathroom and the kitchen to start coffee and breakfast. I liked helping out, and Dean especially seemed appreciative, which only encouraged me. Would that change now? Maybe they’d make me leave because what I said was too awkward.

As I finished cooking, I heard the Bunker door close, meaning Sam must have returned from his morning run and would be heading to the showers. Another door closing alerted me that Dean would be entering the kitchen at any moment seeking coffee.

I sipped from my mug on the island as he shuffled into the room like a half-asleep zombie and poured himself a cup. It took a few gulps before he could open his eyes enough to see me.

“Mornin’,” he spoke gruffly, and I fought back the swoon as usual.

“Mornin’,” I responded. “Uh, there’s breakfast. Help yourself.”

I forced a smile, then grabbed my mug, taking hurried steps desperate to carry me out of the room and away from the man I loved—who now knew I loved him. But that beautiful man was also intelligent and quick and wouldn’t let me get away so quickly.

“Y/N?” He sat down his coffee and stepped closer. “About last night. I’m sorry; that shouldn’t have happened. We… were paranoid and worried it might be like Becky or something all over again, and we just wanted to be sure.”

As he explained, I looked to the ground but nodded to his words. In a way, I got it, but it still didn’t make it okay.

“You never…” he paused and licked his lips. “You never said anything. Never even gave a hint. I mean,” he chuckled, “I really didn’t see that coming.”

“I was never going to say anything,” I admitted, and he looked confused and something else. “I was never going to act on it. It was my secret and my burden. But now it’s all weird, and you probably want me to leave.”

Oh Lord, I couldn’t cry in front of him again!

“Why would I want you to leave?”

His question left me speechless, and I wasn’t sure how best to answer.

“You know,” he moved as he spoke, approaching closer and closer until my back hit the counter, and there was an arm’s length between us. “Women have told me they love me and can picture a life or future with me. But never in this life, never in a hunting life. And none of them, not one, has ever wanted to have my children.”

Okay. Where was he going with this? I was too nervous and scared to move or make a sound. I dared to meet his eyes and instantly regretted it as I felt my heart flutter madly.

“And I have no idea what a Hunter Pie life is,” he chuckled before moving just a few inches before me. “But I’ve been thinking about it all night.”

His words, eyes, and closeness were daring me to do something. But that couldn’t be right. In all my fantasies, I never believed that he would ever entertain the idea. But now… Dean groaned as his phone rang in his pocket, and I released a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Jody, hey," Dean answered, stepping a few feet away to focus on the call. “Yeah, Okay. Sam and I can be there in a couple of hours. All right, see you soon.”

He hung up and sighed, returning to me as Sam entered the room. We all glanced at each other before Dean cleared his throat.

“Jody and the girls,” Dean tucked his phone back in his pocket. “Got a case, and they need our help. Ready in ten?”

Sam huffed but nodded, giving the food a yearning glance before rushing to pack. Dean lingered, running a hand down his face and flashing a tight smile before heading off to get ready. I wasn’t sure if I was grateful or sad, but I was certainly confused.

I rushed through the kitchen, packing up breakfast and some other food for them to take with them. I always tried to give them premade meals in thermal coolers that they could refrigerate or microwave. They seemed to appreciate having home-cooked food while away.

As the brothers loaded their bags, I carried the cooler and a paper bag of immediate consumables to the car. I placed the cooler on the back floorboard before handing Dean the paper bag.

“Thanks,” he grinned, passing the bag to Sam, who immediately started digging through it. I expected him just to climb in and leave, but he paused while fidgeting with his keys.

“Please don’t leave while we’re gone.”

I wasn’t expecting that, but the idea was one of many emotionally driven bad decisions I had been considering.

“We’ll talk,” he promised with a nod. “I’ll text and call, and we’ll talk.”

I nodded and gave the same tight-lipped smile he’d given before. Then, I let out a sigh of relief as they drove away.

-

Dean POV

God, this hunt came at the shittiest possible time. I didn’t want to go. Leaving felt like closing the door on this thing I just discovered. But I didn’t have a choice.

Jody and Claire stumbled on a vamp nest that was the biggest they’d ever seen. It was a giant damn hive. Though she’d called Donna and a few others, it was an ‘all hands on deck’ situation. It didn’t mean I wanted to leave. Something was brewing, changing between Y/N and me. I was terrified it would disappear if I couldn’t tend to it. But if she genuinely meant what she said, then I supposed this could be a test of that. Or maybe even a way to feel it out over text. Face-to-face always made shit complicated and awkward. I was less likely to fuck anything up this way, but still fully capable.

“So,” Sam broke the silence, and my grip tightened on the wheel. “We gonna talk about what happened last night?”

“Sam, I told you to leave it.”

“No, Dean!”

His persistence pissed me off. I didn’t want to get into it with him, but he was on a mission.

“Look, we agreed to give her the serum and question her. We wanted to see what she knew and if she was a threat, like Becky. I thought asking those questions first might be awkward but clear the air. I wasn’t expecting…that.”

“She’s not a threat, Sam.”

“Well, we don’t know that because we didn’t get to ask her anything.”

“What’s really got you so worked up, huh? You mad she’s just not that into you?”

My brother’s annoyed bitchface was satisfying enough to make me smirk. At least he shut up for half a second.

“Don’t you get it?” Sam growled through clenched teeth. “She could be YOUR Becky, Dean. Who knows what she might do if she thinks she loves you.”

My hands wrung the wheel a little harder as I resisted the urge to hit him. I’m unsure why I felt so protective of her then, but I knew she wasn’t like Becky. She wasn’t like any of them, but I couldn’t prove it to him.

“Sam, let me handle this. Please.”

His stunned silence made me glance over to see him gaping like a fish and over-analyzing.

“Yeah. Okay.” He huffed, turning his gaze to the window. I rolled my eyes so hard my head went with it.

“Don’t say ‘Yeah. Okay.’ like…Yeah. Okay.”

“Yeah,” He shrugged, pretending to lose interest in the conversation. “Okay.”

I pressed the pedal harder. Maybe this hunt came at the perfect time. I really needed something to kill.

-

It was a bloodbath: so many vamps and beheadings, so many injured hunters, so many dead or turned victims. Though we cleared the nest with no casualties to our team, it didn’t feel like much of a victory. No one was saved.

There was still celebration and rivalry to be had as we patched each other up and cheered over the mass amount of bloodsucking bastards we killed and future victims we spared.

It was just what I needed to get the itching energy and simmering anger at my brother out of my system. Now buzzed and beat, I only wanted one thing at that moment. As everyone, including my overgrown baby brother, went to bed, I grabbed my beer and quietly wandered outside. I found myself sitting on Baby’s hood and appreciating the quiet and still night. Pulling out my phone, I dialed Y/N. It was late, and she might be asleep, but I needed to hear her voice. 

I’d kept my word, and we’d been texting, but it was mostly to keep her apprised of the hunt. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it or her since those seemingly fateful words tumbled from her lips. As her sleepy voice answered, I felt a flutter in my heart, making me feel like a kid again.

“Dean?” she yawned. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Hunt’s done. Was a ton of them bastards.” I tried to laugh but knew she’d see through it

“Is everyone alright?”

“Little banged up, but we’re all good. No vics to save, though.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“It was a mess,” I sighed, and a comfortable silence fell between us. I needed a distraction. “You never did tell me about this Hunter Pie life of yours.” I chuckled for real this time, maybe some of it nerves, as I hoped she’d talk to me and open up without a serum. When she giggled, I felt the flutters again.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Just…tell me how it looks. In your mind, how does it go?”

“Wow,” she huffed and chuckled again before clearing her throat. “Um, okay.”

The silence drew out again, and I wondered if she was backing out, but then she continued.

“Okay. Well, I guess I always thought it would be like it is now, you know? Like me cooking and domestic and stuff at the Bunker.”

She ‘always’ thought? I pinned a note in that for later, but I hoped she had more. I hummed to let her know I was listening. She just didn’t know I was hanging on to her every word.

“Family meals where you and Sam tell the kids and me about the hunt. Giving them a normal life and home base while keeping them informed and trained. Hide and seek in the Bunker with Nerf guns and call it a hunt.”

She was laughing, and I could hear her smile as she spoke, mine growing with her tales.

“There are so many scenarios where you could play games with the kids that’s still training. Or just spending time doing normal things.”

It sounded amazing, though I wasn’t entirely convinced it was possible. But hearing and picturing it made me feel infinitely better, among other things.

“And what about us?” I knew I was crossing a line into new territory. Begging her to tell me all this, I knew, was giving her hope—and much-needed hope for me.

“Us?” She echoed, and I grinned at her surprised tone. “I just want to take care of you. To show you that you are worthy and deserve it all and more. To be lucky enough to be in your arms. To give you whatever you need and want. To hold you, listen, patch you up, and watch movies in bed while eating junk food.”

We laughed together, and I had to wipe away a tear. I could see it so clearly. I wished I was there to wrap her in my arms like she described. The WANT that simmered within me was something I’d never felt before.

When she yawned, I felt like an ass, having woken her just to make myself feel better. But it did exactly what I’d hoped.

“I’m sorry; I’m gonna let you get back to bed. It’s late.”

“You sure?” 

She seemed disappointed, and I was, too. But we both needed sleep and the sooner I got that, the quicker I’d return to her.

“Yeah, I’m sure. Sooner I sleep, the sooner I can get home.”

I hadn’t meant to say that, but her soft chuckle made it worthwhile.

“I’ll be waiting.”

We said our goodnights and hung up. She’d be waiting for me, for us to begin. I just needed a couple of hours of sleep, and then I’d push Baby to her limits to get back home as quickly as possible.

-

Y/N POV

What the fuck was that? What just happened? I tried to wipe the sleep from my eyes but couldn’t fight the tiredness pulling me back under.

When I woke up again, I felt good and refreshed. Then I remembered the call from the night before. I dove for my phone on the nightstand to find a text from Dean.

Dean: Heading out soon. See you in a few hours. ;)

It had already been nearly two hours since he’d sent the text. I jumped out of bed in a panic, knowing there wasn’t much time before they’d return. Did he even sleep?

I rushed to shower and dress before going to the kitchen and making coffee. I wasn’t sure how much time I had, but I knew Sam and Dean would be hungry.

I tried to focus on cooking, but I kept replaying our conversation from the night before. And what was with the winky face? Did last night mean something, or did he need comfort after a lousy hunt? The things I said—how could I look him in the eye?

When the roar of the Impala entering the garage sounded through the Bunker, I fought the urge to run and hide. Just…act NORMAL.

“Damn, it smells good in here.”

I turned to see Sam and Dean entering the kitchen with big smiles. However, they both looked like they’d had their asses handed to them on that hunt. 

“We’re fine,” Dean answered, my concern written on my face. This was gonna be harder than I thought.

“I figured y’all would probably be hungry.”

“He’s always hungry,” Sam teased as he made a plate. I was glad he seemed to ease the tension I was choking on.

“Just glad that’s all over,” Dean responded, joining Sam at the table.

“Well, I’m glad you’re okay,” I told them before slinking to my room to hide like a coward.

Just as I thought, I couldn’t look either of them in the eye. What if they talked about it, about me? Of course, they did. Were things just going to be unbearably awkward now? How long could I pretend and hide?

Turns out, not long at all.

“Hey, Y/N?”

Dean knocked on the partially open door before opening it and stepping inside the room.

“Hey, Dean. Need something?”

Yeah, just keep it cool—really chill.

“Yeah,” he grinned and rubbed the back of his neck. Wait, was he nervous? “I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie in my room or something.”

This really was happening.

“Netflix and chill?” I teased and laughed, watching his tension ease. “That’s your play?”

“Well, you’re the one who mentioned it in our planned future,” he teased back, and my confidence faltered for a minute.

“I thought you might want to get some sleep. It didn’t seem you got much between our call and that text.”

“Then we’ll watch and nap,” he shrugged, taking my hand and guiding me to his room. And, of course, I went willingly, following him in a trance and soaking up the warmth of his touch.

Once in his room, he released my hand to set up something on the TV. I sat on the end of the bed, hands in my lap as I awkwardly tried to figure out what to do and how to act. He kicked off his shoes and flannel, leaving him in jeans and a t-shirt before dramatically flopping onto the bed, leaning back against the headboard.

“Come here?” he asked as he patted the space beside him.

“‘Kay,” I grinned and eagerly slid beside him, smiling harder as his arm settled around my shoulders, tucking me into his side.

I had dreamed and fantasized about this moment - as simple and innocent as it may be - so many times, and now it was a reality. I was more than surprised that his reaction to my truth was desire. But if he genuinely gave me a chance, I was determined to give him everything I said and more. Whatever he wanted, I was prepared to give.

-

Dean POV

It had been years since I’d done something as simple as cuddling and watching a movie. It felt intimate and special. As she quoted a line from the film, eating some junk food I’d laid out, I wondered if it was a djinn dream or a spell.

I wasn’t a blind fool, much as Sam tried to insist I was. I knew she was a fan, and we didn’t know much about her, which was why I agreed to the serum to begin with.

But I’d observed her plenty in her time with us. She was kind and helpful and an artist in the kitchen. She was a natural caregiver. She was funny and charming. She was super bright, too, with how she spoke, things she knew, and how easily she took to research - which she also happened to be great at. It didn’t hurt she was hot as fuck, but she had no clue.

Then, learning she was in love with me sent my mind reeling. I wasn’t a total idiot - letting this, her, pass me by would be the dumbest thing ever. I had to try, take a chance, or regret it forever.

She noticed when I glanced at her, turning her head to meet my eyes. Letting the moment sweep me away, I leaned in, pleasantly surprised when she slowly met me in the middle. My eyes fluttered, and I hummed at the sweet little spark that tingled my lips. I tilted my head, kissing her a little harder, more sure. She responded in kind, and that spark shot down my spine.

Cupping her jaw, I titled her head as I ran my tongue along the seam of her lips, begging her to open to me. I needed to taste her as much as I needed my next breath.

When she parted her lips, a gentle moan spilled forth. When my tongue slipped past her lips and tasted her soft, warm tongue, a responding moan was ripped from my chest. She tasted divine. Her tongue chased after my own, but I could feel her restraint. She was holding back; I knew it was because she was unsure, not in her feelings or wanting me. Instead, she didn’t know what I was after, too afraid to push forward and break the spell.

I pulled back, intent on breaching the topic, but a knock at my door broke the trance. Stupid Sam and his lousy timing. Another firm series of knocks had me rolling my eyes and groaning. Reluctantly, I released Y/N and opened the door; Sam was surprised to see her on the bed behind me.

“Hey, do you have a minute?” he asked, casting her a wary glance. I stepped into the hallway and shut the door behind me, following him a few feet down the hall.

“What, Sam?”

-

Sam POV

I wanted to talk to Dean about Y/N and this whole situation. I wasn’t expecting to find her in Dean’s bed with flushed cheeks. This whole thing was quickly spinning out of control.

“Het, got a minute?”

I didn’t want to have this conversation with Y/N around. Luckily, Dean closed the door and followed me down the hall.

“What, Sam?”

“What are you doing?”

“Sam, I told you-”

“No, Dean. We don’t know what her game is. She could have done a spell or made a deal. And you’re in there feeding her little fantasy.”

My older brother was incredibly defensive. He stood tall and stubborn with his arms crossed, but I could see in his eyes that he wanted to hit me.

“Look,” Maybe changing tactics would get him to see reason. I didn’t want to see him taken advantage of for the sake of some crazy fanatics’ whims. “All I’m saying is let’s look into her and this more. Talk to Cas, maybe Crowley or Rowena. Just…make sure it’s, you know, legit.”

As Dean slightly relaxed, I saw I was finally getting through to him. Y/N was nice to have around, but my paranoia wouldn’t rest until I was confident she wouldn’t cause us harm.

“Fine,” Dean agreed in a huff, his arms dropping to his sides. “Call Cas or whatever, do your research. Meanwhile, I’m going back to her and enjoying what I KNOW is real.”

Neither of us expected to see Y/N standing in the open doorway. I wasn’t sure how much she’d heard, but she looked hurt and determined.

“I’m gonna go to my room. Let you all figure this out.”

“Y/N-”

“It’s okay, Dean. Sam’s right; you can’t be sure, and I want you to be sure.”

She left the hall and went to her room. I was relieved and also incredibly guilty. That could be part of her plan. But as Dean turned back to face me, I again worried he’d throw a punch.

“You get what you wanted,” Dean spat through gritted teeth.

“Dean, I’m just looking out for you. You did the same thing with Becky, and it was for the best.”

He nodded but silently returned to his room, slamming the door loud enough to make me jump. I’d call Cas and Rowena to get to the bottom of this.

-

I stood in the Bunker’s library two days later with Y/N, Dean, Castiel, and Rowena. Except, all eyes were pointed at me with varying expressions.

While Dean was against it, Y/N allowed Cas and Rowena to poke, prod, and pry at her and her mind, searching for anything unusual. But there was nothing. According to Cas and Rowena - who both looked at me with pained sympathy - her love for Dean was pure and true, the real deal and soul-deep.

Dean looked at me with smugness and contempt. I knew he was feeling so damn righteous. But Y/N - she looked defeated and heartbroken. I knew I was an ass, but I couldn’t help feeling something was still off. If she knew all the horrible details of our lives and the many things we’d done - why the hell would she love either of us? Especially my love-em-and-leave-em brother?

“Are we done?” Y/N spoke, standing tall, but I could see the tears in her eyes and the waver in her voice. “Can I go?”

-

Y/N POV

After two whole days of being ripped open and exposed, working to prove myself in ways I never intended, I was more than done. I wanted to be thrilled at meeting the angel and the witch, but the circumstances left me feeling violated in many ways.

“Are we done? Can I go?”

I didn’t wait for a response, turning and heading for my room before the tears fell. I couldn’t bear it anymore. I didn’t even leave the library before a hand grabbed my arm.

“Y/N, wait,” Dean pleaded. I turned to him, and a single tear escaped to stream down my face.

“I just want to go. To forget any of this ever happened.”

“You could do that?” Dean asked, and my heart clenched at the hurt on his face. “Forget it?”

“No, but I have to,” I pulled slowly from his touch, already missing it.

“We can do this; we can make it work,” he insisted, and I shook my head and laughed, though it was without humor.

“THIS wouldn’t have happened if you two hadn’t snuck a truth serum in my drink. Sam questioned me, ripping my secrets from me, doubting me entirely. And you…you did nothing. Sam is the most important person in your life. If he’s not on board, it will never work.”

He didn’t say anything, but my words struck a chord. He didn’t try to stop me when I retreated a second time. While I was grateful, it also hurt. At least nothing more than a kiss happened. It might be easier to recover.

-

Dean POV

Hurt and anger were all I could feel. I understood Y/N’s position somewhat, though it hurt that she’d turn away. I turned to face my brother, all my anger directed at him.

“Are you happy now?” I shouted at him, and he dared to appear surprised. “This is your fault.”

“Dean, I’m just-”

“Looking out for me? Yeah, I know. But why does it feel like you’re jealous?”

“Whoa, I’m not-”

“You’re both daft fools,” Rowena spoke as she busied herself with tidying the items on the table.

“Excuse me?” Sam and I spoke at the same time.

“You two have put that poor lass through hell trying to find the truth. A truth that’s pure love. And while you act like you want it, you’ve done nothing. You let Sam question and doubt her. And she’s right; it’ll never work if Sam doesn’t support it because you two are so grossly intertwined. And you, Samuel,” she turned her fiery attention to Sam, and I felt a little scared for him. “You’re so busy thinking her love is undeserved that you must find a reason it can’t be real.”

“Undeserved?” I looked at my brother; his silent shame told me all I needed. “That’s it, right?”

“Dean, come on. How could someone know everything we’ve done and still love us—love you? I mean, love and relationships aren’t your thing. Don’t you think maybe someone or something is behind this?”

“Sam,” Castiel chimed in to chastise my brother.

I couldn’t look at him any longer, or I would kick his ass. I took off to my room. I wanted to go after Y/N, to beg for forgiveness, but I knew I couldn’t go to her as angry as I was, and she needed space, too. As I realized I may have genuinely lost this before I even got to glimpse it, I felt my lips tingle with the phantom press of her lips to mine. I’d just have to wait to let her come to me. I hoped she still wanted to and that Sam would get his head out of his ass.

-

Sam POV

Several weeks had passed since this whole truth serum mess with Y/N, and I was left feeling like a complete dick.

After Cas and Rowena checked her over, we all went our separate ways. Things in the Bunker seemed to go back to how they were, except no one talked to each other outside of pleasantries or necessity.

My brother would glare at me or make a snide remark to ensure I knew he was pissed. He felt I ruined everything, and maybe he was right. Y/N still cooked and cleaned and helped with research. But she didn’t make eye contact or small talk or linger. She didn’t eat with us or stay in the room for long. It made Dean more bitter every day.

I knew I had let my paranoia and fear get the better of me, and maybe I was a little bit jealous. Out of the two of us, I was the one who was only worth a good time? But as I reflected on her time with us and her interactions with Dean, I realized how much they had in common and enjoyed each other's company—even without romance mixed in.

I had to figure out how to make this right for both of them. I just had to convince Y/N I was sorry and wrong and that she and Dean should try to be together. Then Dean would forgive me, and all would be right again.

-

Dean POV

Sam had tried talking to me and apologized. I was grateful but still pissed. He swore he’d try to make things right, but I asked him not to. She hadn’t made eye contact or spoken any friendly words since Sam - no, since WE - had Cas and Rowena check her.

Sam was right; I didn’t deserve her. And I was heartbroken at her distance, her change in demeanor. I knew she was deeply hurt. As pissed as I was at Sam, I was even more so at myself. I did nothing to stand up for or defend her against the tests. I was just as guilty.

She would never have said anything. I never would have known had we not drugged her. I wanted to be mad about that, too, and was to a degree. Was this all some test, or were Sam and I destined to destroy everyone who crosses our path and dares to care about us?

The point may be to fight. But if I really wanted it, why wasn’t I trying harder?

I overheard the two of them in the kitchen the other night. However, it was mostly Sam, as she still didn’t seem to be in a chatty mood. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, and maybe I should have let them know I was there, but curiosity got the better of me.

Just like with me, he was apologizing to her. But he was also practically BEGGING her to give me another chance. He swore he was on board and supported it - hell, he was full-on dreaming for it to happen now. She thanked him for his apology and said no more.

I didn’t know what to do. But I knew Sam was okay with us, and I wanted to find out what ‘us’ even looked like.

-

Y/N POV

Sam had been giving me whiplash. One day, he was utterly suspicious of me, then he ignored me, and now he’s practically begging me to give Dean a chance—as if I’d been the one rejecting him. I didn’t know what to do.

While I was glad they’d both apologized, I was still hurt. I tried my best to see things from their side: how this might all seem a rational way to go about things or why they were so paranoid. But my pain and embarrassment kept me quiet, just trying to make it day by day while focusing on business as usual. Maybe we’d all move on and put this whole thing behind us.

Until then, I had to do my best to maintain a sense of routine in the Bunker for their sakes. And I wasn’t going to hide away in my room moping either.

This is how I found myself in the library, reading a book as Sam sat on the opposite side with his laptop. I didn’t know if he was researching or looking for a case, but I did know I was pretty irritated that, with many other tables and chairs, he chose to sit across from me.

I tried to focus on the book but scanned the words more than I read them. I was aware of Sam constantly looking at me as if he had something to say before hastily looking back at his screen. I pretended not to notice until I stiffened at the sound of Dean’s approach.

I wanted to run and hide every time he entered the room, afraid he’d catch my longing looks or hear how fast my heart beat when he passed close enough to touch and smell. I could still feel his kiss and the warmth of his hand on my cheek as he held me sweetly. I tried to control it, but now that he knew, I felt so exposed, as if he could sense my every thought. It was a bit unnerving.

I tried to focus on my book as Dean concentrated on his brother, who leaned back in his chair to give him his attention.

“Garth needs backup on a hunt,” Dean announced, and I relaxed, knowing they’d likely leave soon.

“Okay,” Sam stood from his chair, gathering his laptop. “Meet at the car in ten?”

Sam began walking away before Dean’s voice made him stop.

“Uh, actually,” Dean rubbed the back of his neck and smirked at his brother. “You and Garth should be able to handle it. Baby needs some maintenance anyway.”

Sam - to his credit and that annoying silent communication of theirs - paused only a moment before seeming to decide.

“Yeah, okay,” he responded quickly and eagerly, making me look at him directly.

He flashed me a smile before continuing his retreat from the room. The quiet, along with being alone with Dean, was sending my anxiety through the roof. He turned to face me, and - Lord, help me - I couldn’t even pretend to care about the book as our eyes met for the first time in what felt like ages.

“So,” he grinned as he slid into the seat Sam had just vacated, refusing to break the locked gaze. “Are you hungry? We could order pizza or go to a place in town or something.”

Okay, so he was waving a white flag. I could get behind that, and I was definitely hungry.

-

Dean POV

“You hungry? We could order pizza or go to a place in town or something?”

She relaxed, but I could see she was still apprehensive. I hated this awkward silence and distance, which hung like a dark cloud over everything. She had confessed her love, both with the serum and without. She spoke about our potential lives, which left me craving. But I hadn’t done much to show my want, to fight for it like she had done.

When Garth called about a case, I saw an opportunity. I would put on my A-game and fight for this, for us.

“Uh, okay. Yeah, sure,” she forced a smile, but I met it with a genuine one.

“Great,” I answered, standing from my seat and gesturing for her to follow. I was only slightly surprised that she did.

“What are you in the mood for?”

“Whatever you want is fine.”

Whatever I want? I grinned and fought back the chuckle as she followed me to Baby in the garage.

“I thought Baby needed work?”

I did laugh then as we settled in the front seat of my car.

“Yeah, I sort of wanted an excuse to be alone with you.”

“Oh.”

She blushed and bashfully looked away. I bit my lip and started the car, driving us into town. If she didn’t care where we went, I knew a place on the edge of town with great burgers, cheap beer, good music, and pool tables. I’d be in my element and could pull my best moves. I was intent on wooing her, and this was usually how I succeeded with others. 

She was not anything like the others at all. She was so much more, from her looks to her body to her mind and heart. As we parked outside the roadhouse, I wondered if this place was the best idea.

Her soft smile was encouraging. As we went inside, my hand hovered over her lower back, guiding her through the crowd to an empty table in the middle of the room. It allowed me to watch everything, and I felt even more on guard than usual with her there.

I watched tentatively as she sat across from me, her eyes scanning the surroundings before landing back on me with a shy smile.

“I hope this is okay. We can go somewhere else if you’re uncomfortable.”

“No, this is great!”

She seemed genuinely happy to be there, and I relaxed. The waitress came and took our orders, and I was pleased to hear Y/N talk more than she had been recently. I guess now was a good time to speak with her about what’s been on my mind.

“Look, Y/N…I want you to know that I am so damn sorry.”

She met my eyes then, and I swallowed hard.

“I’m sorry for everything that happened, that I let happen. We shouldn’t have pried. I’m so sorry you got hurt and exposed and that I didn’t stand up for you.”

She dropped her gaze to the table, tensing up again, and it felt like that beautiful door of opportunity was closing. I needed her to interact with me. Anything was better than the distance and empty pleasantries. At this point, I didn’t care if she flirted or screamed at me.

The waitress returned our order, and I thanked her. Y/N was focused on her food.

“I’m not sorry that I know. In fact, I’m a little pissed you were never gonna tell me.”

I took a bite from my burger and was waiting for her reaction. She stared at me with narrowed eyes before clearing her throat.

“What, I’m just supposed to come out and say it? Even though there was barely a friendship between us?”

She scoffed and returned to eating. But I was frozen, caught up in her choice of words.

“What do you mean ‘was’?”

Had she given up? Has she decided we weren’t worth it? That I wasn’t worth it?

-

Y/N POV

“What do you mean ‘was’?”

The pain in his tone made my heart clench. I didn’t mean to imply we weren’t anymore, but it didn’t feel like we were.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

He accepted it, and we ate in comfortable silence. When the waitress returned to clear the table, Dean settled the bill but asked to start a tab for drinks. When a whiskey shot was set before me, I clanked with Dean’s and knocked it back, taking it for the peace offering it was.

“Thank you for apologizing. I can understand why you two felt you needed to do those things. I just wish you would’ve asked.”

“So if Sam asked how you felt about me, without the serum, what would you have said?”

“I would have said I respect and admire you.”

“But not that you love me? Why?”

I had a feeling he’d ask that at some point. I huffed a breath and chewed my lip as I chose my words.

“Because I’m not worthy. If I never say anything, I never have to face your rejection, which would hurt, and it’d hurt you to see me hurt ‘cause you just care that much.”

I guess I didn’t need a serum. The big secret was out, and I told Dean all about our fantasy lives. At least if I kept truthing, I’d know if he truly accepted me.

“But I didn’t reject you, Y/N.”

I met Dean’s eyes, seeing how open he was, letting me see his truth. The intensity I found there made me gasp a little.

“I did hurt you, and seeing that hurt me,” he continued. Reaching across the table, he held one of my hands. “But I didn’t reject you. In fact,” his grip tightened, and a flirty smirk adorned his luscious lips. “I can’t stop thinking about you. About our future. About that damn kiss.” He laughed, and I nodded my agreement because I felt the same.

“Hey folks, can I get you another round?”

The waitress returned, and I jumped. Dean held my hand, which was firm but gentle, and smiled at her.

“Yes, please. Two shots, two beers. Thanks,” he said, placing a nice tip on her tray, and she left with a smile. It always warmed me how he could be so charming, even without a trace of flirting. His keeping ahold of my hand sent my heart into a frenzy. Maybe I wasn’t reading enough into all of this, which had me chuckling aloud just as our next round arrived.

“What should we drink to?” Dean asked as we held our shots.

I put on my best flirty smirk and clinked my glass with his.

“To second chances?” I suggested, hoping he’d pick up and accept my insinuations.

“I’ll drink to that!”

We threw back our shots and spent moments looking at each other and smiling.

-

Dean POV

It felt almost like making a deal, but one I’d gladly make again and again. I’d never experienced this feeling. It was as if I was embarking on an exciting adventure, eager to learn everything about this person and savor and enjoy every morsel of her being that she was willing to feed me.

I did my best to shut out the dark voice in my mind, telling me it couldn’t last. Either I’ll fuck it up, or she’ll leave, or - God forbid - she dies. That tiny black hole within me was itching to devour all the happiness around me.

But in her presence, it grew quieter and easier to manage. Even before her confessions, I witnessed how kind and caring she was, her compassion providing comfort. She was nurturing, even in the way I imagined a loving mother would be. I don’t remember. But she was like soft candlelight shining amidst the pitch black within my mind.

“How about a game of pool?” I suggested, seeing some open tables. I could show off a little and maybe get a chance to get close to help her line up a shot.

“Okay,” she agreed, taking my hand when I offered it.

I was reluctant to let her go, but I had to set up a game. Basic eight-ball was fine with me and didn’t take much thought.

“I know how to play, but I’m not very good,” she admitted. I bit my lip to contain my excitement about helping her.

“No worries. It's just a fun game. No pressure. But I could show you some things if you want.”

“Eager to bend me over the table, huh?” She laughed, and I was initially shocked. But if she was ready to ‘play,’ then game on, Babygirl.

As we started the game, she was focused, analyzing angles and trying her best. I, however, was focused on her. The way she moved, thought, and bent like a dancer to take her shots, Her whole body was lithe and curvy, stretching like a cat. I noticed, too, that she was ambidextrous. With some practice and pointers, she’d be outstanding. She had a natural skill but wasn’t used to playing.

I went back to admiring her as her plump ass was on display as she bent for a shot and missed. The pout that followed made me want to kiss it away. She was effortlessly sexy, and she had no fucking clue.

“You ready to head back?” I asked after finishing a game. I was ready to be alone with her again, if only to kiss her senseless.

“Sure,” she grinned, placing her hand in mine before I could reach for her.

I grinned like a fool as I paid our tab and led her outside. But we were stopped by a storm, with rain falling thick and fast.

“Race you to the car?” she grinned before dashing into the downpour to the Impala at the back corner of the lot. She was crazy but beautiful.

Grinning again, I ran into the rain to take her hand as we ran to the car together, laughing the whole way.

-

Y/N POV

I dashed out into the rain, feeling giddy and playful. I was high on the night I was having. I had been entirely aware of Dean’s eyes on me - and quite a few other’s eyes - but I tried not to think about it and just be normal.

With my spirits high and being a bit drunk, I felt brave.

“Race you to the car?”

I took off, half expecting him to chastise me. But when he took my hand and ran with me, laughing the whole way, my heart soared. I felt free, alive, and blessed to share it with Dean, the man I loved.

Dean released my hand to get his keys and open the door as we got to the car. I was mesmerized by watching his hand and fingers work, wet from the rain.

“Get in,” he gestured, and I quickly moved, sliding across the bench to the passenger’s side.

“We’re gonna have to wait ‘til it calms down a little. I can’t see much in this.”

I didn’t think about that when running through the downpour. Dean turned on the car only to turn on the heat, and the radio was low on some classic rock station. I couldn’t help but look at him and admire how handsome he was and how that was accentuated by being drenched. It was giving me wicked thoughts, and with my inhibitions lowered, I knew I wasn’t hiding it well.

I shamelessly ogled him as he shed his jacket and overshirt, leaving him in a t-shirt. He tossed the wet clothes in the backseat before looking at me to find me attentively watching his every move. His eyes trailed slowly down my body and back up again. My breathing picked up as my heart raced. He licked his lower lip into his mouth and released it. I think I moaned a little.

“Y/N.”

Dean broke the silence, the rain still pounding hard outside. We leaned towards each other, and his hand cupped my cheek as our lips met. It was just as good as before, though I wondered if I’d imagined it.

His tongue ran gently across my lip, and I felt a flutter between my legs. I opened for him and melted as his tongue met mine. I let him lead, knowing he was used to this, but I hadn’t been with anyone in a while and hadn’t made a habit of hooking up or even taking chances. I was worried I might be out of practice, but I felt encouraged by his sounds and actions.

He pulled back, ending the kiss far too soon for my liking, and I may have whined a little. He chuckled, and I pouted. He leaned in with a groan, sucking my lower lip before kissing me soundly.

I felt like I was in trouble, but in a very sexy way. It was a little confusing. But I was quickly sobering as I realized where this was heading. At least, I hoped.

-

Dean POV

Goddamn, this woman would surely kill me - but what a way to go. I was ready to make her mine here and now, and I was almost sure she’d let me. But she deserved better than that. As sappy as it may be, I wanted our first time together in a bed - specifically MY bed - so I could take my time and make it memorable. Special.

If things go the way I hope, it will be our last first time. I had more than a good feeling about this, and I was ready to do whatever was necessary to have her in my life.

How did I get so damn lucky, so fortunate to have this woman in love with me?

The rain was still coming down, but it had lessened enough that I was confident in getting us home safely. And I NEEDED her home, even if it was only to make out all night.

“Let me get you home,” I whispered, stealing another kiss.

“Well, you’ll have to stop kissing me to do that.”

I kissed her again, and she chuckled as I began to drive. I wanted her closer, tucked into my side, but I knew I needed to focus on the road. The sooner I got her home, the sooner I could touch and kiss her again.

I somehow managed to pull safely into the Bunker’s garage despite Y/N’s gaze devouring me the whole ride. As my cock swelled painfully against my zipper, I prayed to God we were on the same page. I’d be fine if she wasn’t ready. But I was about to burst at just the thought of her.

As soon as I parked the car, I turned to her. She grinned and leaned in to kiss me again. I grabbed at her, holding her close to me as I poured myself into the kiss, letting her taste my desire. 

She straddled my lap with little encouragement, and I wrapped my arms around her to press our bodies together, our hungry kisses unbroken. I grabbed a handful of her hair and gently tugged her head back as my kisses moved along her jaw. When I reached behind her ear, I gave a little kitten lick. Her body jerked and ground against my lap, making me hiss as the zipper pressed against my painfully hard cock.

-

Y/N POV

I could feel how hard he was, his hands as hungry as his mouth. I felt bold knowing there was no rejection waiting, only want. I pulled from the kiss and held his face in my hands.

“Dean, take me to bed?”

I was practically sober now, and so was he. I looked him in the eye, letting him know I meant it.

“Are you sure?” He asked, which surprised me. “I don’t want to rush you or make you feel like I expect anything. If you’re not ready, that’s okay. I can wait. You’re worth waiting for.”

I felt like I would cry, but the patience and understanding he exhibited made me even more sure. I kissed him slow and deep, pulling back to meet his eyes again.

“Take me to bed, Dean.” I realized how that might sound, even if my tone was soft. “Please.”

That seemed to spur him to action. As he devoured my mouth again, I filed it as a note for later. He set me back on the seat and climbed out of the car, offering his hand, which I accepted.

He smoothly pulled me from the car, closed the door, and pressed me against it in what felt like one move. The desire and hunger I saw in his eyes were almost intimidating. He kissed me senseless, his hands on my hips as he pressed his weight into me. He was so strong and capable that it only turned me on more.

“Your room or mine?” I asked, feeling confident enough to be sultry.

“Oh, Baby,” he grinned, unable to go long without kissing me. “I want you in my bed so bad.”

I chuckled and nodded, letting him lead me through the halls to his room.  Once the door shut, he pressed me against it like in the garage. I could hardly believe this was happening, but I was so damn eager for it. His hands pushed my shirt up, and I let him remove it. He made quick work of my bra, and the cool air had my nipples hardening. He dove in with a hum, taking a nipple in his mouth and flicking with his tongue. My knees buckled, and I was grateful for his firm grip on my hips.

He moved to my other nipple and repeated his actions, ripping a loud moan from me as my hips bucked in his hold.

“You’re so sensitive and responsive,” he praised as he removed his t-shirt.

-

Dean POV

She was so beautiful, and her sounds were the sweetest music. She was so desperate and needy, her body reaching into my every touch, even if she wasn’t fully aware.

I felt frenzied, eager to take, feel, and claim. I had to force myself to calm down. I wanted to savor this, to drag it out, and make it as good as possible for both of us.

I reluctantly pulled back, just enough to kick off my shoes and remove the rest of my clothes. She looked at me with pure lust, panting as she mimicked my actions. My hands rushed as she became revealed to me.

As soon as we were both bare, she was pressed against me, seeking another kiss, which I was too happy to provide. Our hands were gentle and cautious as we explored every line, curve, and dip of each other, our lips and tongues dancing together. While I was no doubt aroused - my cock throbbing and pinned between us - her warmth and softness calmed me in a way I hadn’t felt in years.

I started walking backward, bringing her with me. I sat on the edge of the bed, intent on pulling her into my lap, wanting her close, but she seemed to have other ideas.

She slowly lowered to her knees, cupping my cheek with one hand, the other wrapping around my cock as she kissed me passionately, more dirty than any other before. She stroked me firm but slow, and when she ran her thumb over the head, I moaned into her mouth.

She pulled back with a grin and gently pushed me back with a hand on my chest until I was propped on my elbows, unwilling to take my eyes off her. She seemed just as intent as me to slow down, drag it out, as she kissed and locked along my lower stomach and hips, nipping lightly here and there, making me jump and groan.

“Not the only one sensitive and responsive,” she teased back at me, nosing along the crease of my thigh, turning her head to nip at the tender inner flesh of my thigh.

“Y/N!”

It was half shock, half desperate arousal. She was driving me insane. She gave in, licking from the base of my cock to the head, tonguing around the rim. My head dropped back, and that was the moment she took me in her warm, wet mouth with a tight suction that already had me embarrassingly close to coming.

She pulled off to tease me some more, and I seized the opportunity, sitting up and swiftly pulling her to straddle my lap. Before she could catch her breath, I turned and lifted her, smoothly laying her back on the bed, her legs wrapped around me, holding me close.

She gasped and laughed, making me chuckle along with her. God, this was a beautiful moment.

“I’ve never been manhandled like that. Surprised me,” she admitted shyly.

I laughed again and kissed her soundly.

“A night of firsts then,” I teased, kissing her deep and rutting my aching cock through her surprisingly damp folds. I was happy to know she was just as aroused as me.

As we drowned in kissing, I trailed my hand down her body and between her legs. I ran a finger over her clit before circling her entrance and sliding inside.

“So damn wet already,” I spoke against her lips, eager to swallow down her moans. “Bet I could just slide right in.”

Fuck, I couldn’t help myself. I wasn’t thinking, only feeling as I adjusted my hips, grabbing my cock and sliding inside her. She was so tight and warm, and I could feel how deep I was. I had to stay still and catch my breath, or it’d all be over too soon. She was trembling around me, and I just wanted to make her come over and over.

-

Y/N POV

Dean was inside me, buried deep and nestled against my cervix. It was delicious, and I was hyper-aware of our every connection: our underbelly brushing, his hips against my inner thighs, chest-to-chest, and panted breaths shared from barely grazing mouths.

He pulled back slowly and slid in again, smooth and gentle. I felt like my heart would explode or I might burst into tears. He increased his speed only a little, kissing along my neck and chest. I marveled at feeling him, so long and thick and impossibly hard, fucking into me gently but with purpose.

Then, my rational mind began to speak up, reminding me he was bare inside me. I clenched and moaned, fighting back my breeding kink.

“Dean, wait,” I pushed gently at his shoulders, and he went still.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I promised, pecking his lips to reassure him. “But we need a condom. I’m not on birth control.”

He seemed to pause and think before nodding and slowly pulling out. As he moved from the bed to retrieve a condom, I wondered if I’d upset him. He sheathed himself and crawled back on the bed, and I opened my legs to welcome him. But he didn’t go for it right away.

His hand slid along my thigh, up my side, and cupped my cheek, his eyes searching mine.

“What had you clenching and moaning so hard?”

I could feel the heat in my cheeks. I also knew he was intelligent and experienced and had probably figured it out.

“My…my breeding kink.”

I mumbled the words in embarrassment but felt compelled to be honest. His pupils dilated, and he captured my lips hungrily as he slid within me again, with no hesitation and no resistance. He was so thick I could still feel every bit of him through the condom, his girth stretching me deliciously, making me wriggle my hips impatiently.

-

Dean POV

Fuck, hearing her say the words ‘breeding kink’ might have been the sexiest thing I ever heard. That’s something I’d be chewing on for a while.

I slid back inside her, and she let a sigh. I felt relief at being connected again, too. I could still feel her walls squeezing around me, but I wished I could feel her bare again. The primal side of me awakened, wanting to make her mine and breed her full.

Instead, I focused on her face and her reactions as I moved. I kept our bodies close, nearly all of us touching, which was way more intimate than I was used to. It only added to the many moments that made this an extraordinary connection. I had to remind myself it was only the start, the first time of what I hoped to be countless others.

As I picked up my pace, I could tell she was getting close. My thumb found her clit, and I rubbed tight circles in time with my thrusts. Her breathing sped up, and I could tell she was holding back.

“Wanna feel you come,” I told her, leaning in to kiss her ear and whispering as I kept moving within her. “Imagine me bare inside you, ready to fuck you full.”

I felt her clench hard before she moaned out her release, her hands digging into my ass as she held me deep. I did my best to grind against her and ride out her high. She was fucking gorgeous, and I was nowhere near done with her.

In another practiced move, I rolled to my back, taking her with me, my cock never leaving her tight and drenched pussy. Still coming down from her high, she kissed me sloppy before sitting up straight. My cock slid deeper, and we moaned together as I held her hips and encouraged her to ride me.

-

Y/N POV

My head was light, my body tingling from the incredible orgasm. I usually stopped at one, but the feel of Dean was too good to give up. He wanted more from me, and I wanted to give it.

I sat up straight, my hands on his abs for leverage. He was so deep it was almost too much. When I began to move my hips, I was intent on giving as good as I got. But it was so incredible it quickly became about me: what I wanted to feel and how. Luckily, he was enjoying it just fine.

I was about to lean down and kiss him, but he sat up, wrapping his arms around me. I held his gaze as I rode him, slowly and intentionally clenching my walls to massage his shaft.

He snarled and kissed me hard, his thumb rubbing my clit again. I was surprised how quickly my second orgasm was creeping up on me, but I was hungry for it, and so was he.

“Dean!”

I couldn’t help but shout for him - at him - I wasn’t sure. A second later, I was coming, riding him hard through my high as he focused his attention on my breasts.

God, I was drained and sweaty, barely able to catch my breath, my body spasaming and pussy throbbing. I didn’t even notice he’d sat forward, laying me back on the bed, still hard and inside me as he lavished my breasts and nipples with teeth and tongue.

I knew he hadn’t come yet and was starting to get concerned. Maybe I couldn’t keep up with him? Maybe it wasn’t as good for him? I thought it was the best I’d ever had, but he was more experienced. But I couldn’t get my brain to form words.

I ran my hands through his hair and over his back, and he hummed at the touch. I wiggled my hips, reminding us both that he hadn’t come yet and was hard as a rock.

“Dean?” I urged him from my chest and met his eyes. “Wanna feel you come.”

I wiggled my hips again as much as I could in this position: my ass on his lap and back lightly bowed.

“M’close,” he spoke against my lips. “How do you want it?”

God, that was so sexy. But I was determined to make this good for him, too.

“Whatever you want. Anything!”

-

Dean POV

She felt so goddamn good. I wasn’t sure how I’d been able to hold back coming all this time. I wanted to make her feel good, but I also wanted to impress and show her that I could care for her. More importantly, I wanted to show her that I wanted her.

As she floated down from her high, I took the time to worship her, licking the sweat from her skin and riling her up for more.

“Dean?”

Her soft voice calling my name so sweetly had me pausing to look at her.

“Wanna feel you come.”

My cock twitched, more than ready, but I fought to hold back, desperate to please.

“M’close,” I admitted, pecking her lips. “How do you want it?”

She moaned, her legs widening, making me sink a little deeper.

“Whatever you want. Anything!”

“So fucking perfect.”

I couldn’t help but praise her and was pleased when she swooned. I grinned and kissed her again, the feel of it already becoming second nature. I ran my hands up her arms and pulled her hands above her head, urging her to grab onto the edge of the mattress.

We smiled warmly at each other as I sat back on my heels, draping her legs over my arms as I gripped her hips. Her back was arched, legs wide.

I pulled back and swiftly thrust back inside, starting a brutal pace that rocked her body and had her screaming. She gripped the bed tight as I let go, fucking her like I wanted to. I was sure it was equal parts pain and pleasure, but she took every inch of me again and again.

She was chanting my name over and over, her pussy spasming wildly around my cock. I was going to come any second, but I needed to feel her one more time. To have her pull me over the edge with her.

I held her tight, sure there’d be bruises I’d kiss later, giving her all I had. She screamed even louder before her pussy fluttered and gushed all over me.

I lost it, falling forward and groaning as I came hard, the condom swelling with my seed. I huffed hard, my head falling into the crook of her neck. I couldn’t have imagined our first time together being any better than what we shared.

I tried to make myself move, worried I was crushing her. But she wrapped her arms around me and shook her head.

“No. Don’t move. Please.”

I laughed and dropped my head back to her neck. I was good with that.

-

Y/N POV

Fuck, I couldn’t move. Dean tried, but my oversensitive body couldn’t handle it, so I begged him to stay still. He seemed content to remain there for the time being.

“That was hands down the best sex I’ve ever had.” I chuckled at my honesty and still quite cum-drunk.

“Mmm,” he hummed, kissing my neck and pulling out. “You squirted.”

“I did?!” I had to lift my head and look, a big, wet mess all over us, the sheets beneath me wet. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know I could do that.”

“Fuck, don’t apologize.” He tossed the condom and grabbed a towel to clean us up. I sighed and lay there, letting him. “It was so fucking hot, Baby.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, tossing the towel and moving us under the blankets. I went willingly, completely spent.

“Sleep?” I asked, desperately needing to recover.

“Sleep,” he agreed, pecking my lips before moving to spoon me, his arms wrapped around me securely.

-

When I woke later, I smelled coffee and gentle kisses on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and propped on my elbows, having shifted to my stomach at some point.

Dean was right there beside me, his smile warm. My heart melted all over again.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” he teased with a chuckle. He shifted to sit back against the headboard, sipping at a mug.

“Hey.”

I forced myself to sit up, adjusting the blankets to cover myself as I leaned next to him, noticing he was shirtless, but the bedding covered his lap.

He handed me the mug, and I smiled bashfully as I drank the warm and delicious coffee inside. I returned it, and he set it on the nightstand, turning his attention back on me.

He grinned, leaning in and cupping my cheek as he kissed me sweetly. His hand trailed down my neck to my chest before thumbing at my nipple. The kiss turned heated in an instant as he made his intentions known.

He pulled back the covers, and I let him, though I whined that he pulled his lips away, too. He was just as naked as me and half-hard. But as his shoulders settled between my thighs, my mind went blank, simply eager for what he was about to do.

-

Dean POV

When I woke, I had to wipe drool from my chin after the incredible dream I had of feasting on Y/N’s sweet cunt. I sat up and wiped the sleep from my face before noticing Y/N was asleep beside me.

She was on her stomach, her hair a wild mess, her mouth hung open as she breathed heavy and deep. Remembering what happened earlier, a grin spread on my face as I realized it wasn’t all part of my dreams. I leaned down and gently kissed her shoulder, but she didn’t move.

I decided to rush to the bathroom and grab some coffee, trying to hurry because I wanted to be there when she woke up. Ideally, I could wake her sweetly, and then maybe she’d let me eat her out because that part was a dream, and I was aiming to rectify that for both of us.

I climbed back in bed, not having bothered with clothes since we were alone in the Bunker, at least for now. I set the cup aside and kissed her shoulder and back again. Featherlight and worshipful, I brought her to wakefulness.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty,” I greeted as her eyes opened.

I sat back, sipping coffee. She sat up next to me with a soft greeting and accepted the mug when offered. She had moved the blankets to keep herself covered, but I could see over her neck and chest where I’d marked her good. I hadn’t meant to; I didn’t even realize I was doing it. But seeing them in different shades and sizes only turned me on.

She returned the cup to me, and I mindlessly put it on the nightstand. I kissed her, eager to show how happy I was, to reinforce that it was real and reciprocated.

Pulling the covers back to expose us, I thumbed at her nipples, finding them already hard. I ignored the throbbing of my cock, and I lowered myself between her thighs. She was already a little wet, and I was desperate to have her slick coat my tongue. I wasted no time as I dove in, making out with her pussy, tasting every bit of her, mapping and testing her creases and folds.

Her hands ran through my hair, and her thighs clamped around my head. Her moans and pleas had me impossibly hard. I rutted against the bed as I slid two fingers inside her, sucking her clit hard between my lips. Her voice hitched, and her body tensed, so I doubled my efforts. She shattered, and I removed my fingers to delve my tongue deep inside, gulping down her release and savoring her tangy flavor.

I came onto the sheets with a muffled grunt as I wrung every ounce of her orgasm from her. When she relaxed with a sigh, I kissed up her body, elated and aroused as she kissed me deep and sucked at my tongue.

I pulled back to look at her - at this incredible woman who loved me and was willing to give herself to me. She ran her hand from my brow to my jaw, her eyes following the touch, a soft smile on her lips as she met my eyes. It felt incredibly intimate, and I laid my head on her chest, my body pressing into her. I was hiding from the onslaught of emotions she was creating inside me.

Her arms wrapped around my shoulders, and one hand moved to run her nails over my scalp softly. I sighed and relaxed, taking the much-needed comfort she offered.

This was the part I always missed out on. It's always awkward mornings or quick goodbyes. With Y/N, I could stay, linger, and accept the peace and comfort I was always denied. I may have dozed off lying on her, but she never moved, her hands and nails soothing and relaxing me. 

God, I hoped it would always be like this. To be safe and loved in someone’s arms.

FOREVERS:

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DEAN WINCHESTER:

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[castielafflicted]

yes I fucking did oh my god

I may have life hacked my way too hard and landed back in mental illness territory. only time will tell.

[oliveoil422]

I wanna see you before I die

DESTIEL FIC

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

‘I wanna see you before I die,’ I thought as I felt more of my life being drained from me but I can't see you because you are dead. I wish I could have just told you I loved you too before the empty took you. I want to yell and scream at you for making that deal. How could you be so dumb Cass. You have always been there for me. I need you now god damn it! Where are you, you winged dick? All i can think about is how i never got to say i love you back i do i really do Cass i wish you could have told me sooner, why didn't you? You never were scared of anything, hell we even fought Lucifer together! Why couldn't you have said something? Why couldn't you have given me the chance?

Remember when things were much more simple when you were an angel of the lord and I was the man you, “Gripped tight and raised from perdition.” I've known lost all my life, I've lost pretty much everyone I ever cared about but you? Thats different you were suppose to be the one i didn't lose, the one i couldn’t lose. And now here we are, you sitting in the empty, probably cold and alone while I'm here on earth fighting for my life which is coming to an end. Sam doesn't know it yet but i can feel it im not going anywhere. This nail is holding me together at this point. I know it's probably impossible but if i make it to heaven i hope it's with you, i hope the memories that i relive is with you i wish we could have made more.

My whole life has been pretty shitty. I mean watching my mom die then my dad spiraled because of it. The one thing I got right was Sammy, I raised that kid while I was still one myself and he turned out pretty good. Jack, if you can hear my thoughts my prayers please keep him safe, keep the one thing i didn't mess up safe, keep my pain in the ass little brother safe.keep him safe because i won't be able to anymore like i have been his whole life. His whole life I took care of him cause without me he had nobody even though John clearly loved him over me he didn't show it often. Who is going to take care of him while i'm gone? I shouldn't have let this happen. I should have watched out for that nail. Why didn't I look out for it? Dad taught me better than that! I shouldn't be in this situation. It's my own damn fault that I am! Now I'm going to leave Sammy all alone because of my carelessness.

Cass, I know our time was short but it meant alot to me, and it clearly meant alot to you as well. If I ever see you again I wont need an explanation about why you left the way you did or why you said the things you did because I get it. I truly get it. I love you too that's what i would tell you if i ever got the chance to see you again i hope one day i will see some version of you, even a fragment of you would be something, Castiel, former angel of the lord, you mean alot to me thank you forever giving me the thought of day. You pieced me together when you left that hand print you made me whole you made me, me. To answer your question from many years ago, no I don't think I deserve to be saved. I think that you deserve everything good in life, i think you deserve to be saved. But Dean Winchester? Hell no. and everyone knew it too no one thought i should be saved most people wished i was still in the pit some days i agree i mess most things up in my life, i even messed whatever we had because i didn't speak on my feelings or even notice i could feel that way until you made it known to me that i could feel that way that you felt that way.

~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~

author note:if anyone likes this I will write more!

[shallowseeker]

Election: So, obviously, I am very nervous about the election. Almost every organ system that I have is affected by my illness, and one side wants to dismantle the care I deserve. So, I feel a little sick just thinking about it.

Even with COVID, I feel like my heart is finally beating right again, and I don't wanna feel nervous about having access to care, you know? Ahhh.

///

Food: I have NOT made good on my promise to myself to buy cinnamon rolls. I had wanted to eat them all while we wait together on Tuesday...

But the place I order them from is closed on Sundays and Mondays, so I missed my window to pick them up!

So tomorrow I may venture out and get either this or this

I started coughing and fevering again two days ago, but not testing positive, so if I put on the mask and am very careful, I feel like it's a reasonable errand run.

(I feel like it could be my primary illness actin' up, cause my lungs are technically already scarred even before covid. I have to go for a CXR anyway on Monday afternoon so... gonna get one of these to cook. Still gonna wash my hands and be careful. My nightmare is getting others sick, I think.)

///

Fic: I did write the first chapter of the fic I promised. It's currently hanging out on Google docs, if anyone wants to help me proofread it, but I'll post Monday warts and all. :D

It's very long, like... almosst 19K and this is just part one! Part two is currently at 15K but will need sooo much editing before it's even ready (and ofc even if the election goes south, I will definitely finish it I promise).

Blackout on the eastern seaboard Chapter one: A one-time victory celebration (DEAN POV) Ft. Dean Winchester, Castiel Still riding high on their near-fatal run-in with Raphael, Dean decides to make it up to Cas for screwing things up with Chastity. Alternate Free to Be Me and You (season 5, episode 3). Notes: In this world, John is alive. But his presence has the opposite effect than what you’d think, pushing Dean further in Castiel’s arms.

How are y'all holding up? I think maybe everyone's nervous, even and especially those of you in other countries.

[neeksparksg]

Dear Diary

Diary Entry #1

Dean’s gone.

I thought writing it down would make it feel real, but I still can’t grasp it. He’s gone. No more late-night talks about nothing, no more smirks, no more stupid arguments about who takes the last slice of pie. He’s just… gone. And it’s my fault. I should have been the one to keep him here. I should’ve done something to stop him from making that deal. I failed him.

And now… it’s just me and Sam. But I barely recognize him anymore. He’s closed off, distant, like he’s carrying some massive weight that he won’t share with me. I want to reach out, to tell him we’re in this together, but he won’t even look at me the same way.

I can tell he’s hiding something., the times he slips away without saying where he’s going. I hate it, the way he pretends like nothing is wrong, the long nights wondering where he went, I hate how it seems he doesn’t trust me anymore. What did I do wrong? What a stupid question, I know what I did wrong, I let our brother die

I can feel him slipping through my fingers. I try to talk to him, to make him see that I’m here, that we’re still family. But he just nods, his eyes somewhere else, his mind somewhere that I can’t reach. It’s like talking to a wall sometimes. And when he does respond, he’s cold, almost detached. It’s as if he’s filled himself with anger and grief, and he won’t let me in.

 this is all because of me. I let Dean sell his soul. I let him go to Hell. When it should’ve been me And now Sam’s the one paying the price, and I don’t know how to help him.

Every night, I lie awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering what I could have done differently. Dean’s face haunts me, that smile he flashed right before he told us not to worry. It was a lie. He knew he was leaving us with this broken, impossible world. And Sam—God, Sam is breaking right in front of me, and I can’t do anything to stop it.

I just want my family back. But it feels impossible now, with Dad and Dean gone I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending everything will be okay.

---

Diary Entry #2

Sam’s gone.

I keep repeating it to myself, but it feels like the words are hollow, empty. Like they don’t really mean anything because my mind can’t wrap around the truth. Sam. My little brother. He’s gone, locked away with Lucifer and he’s not coming back.

Dean’s with Lisa and Ben now. he’s finding peace, a chance at the life he deserves. He’s trying so hard to be normal, to be happy. I tell him I’m fine, that I’ll be okay, but the truth is, I’m not. It’s like my entire world has crumbled, and I’m the last one left standing in the ruins.

I tried to be normal. I gave it a shot—got a job, sat in a coffee shop, smiled at strangers, even had a drink or two with someone who looked like they could be my type. But every time I laughed or tried to pretend, this emptiness guilt ate me from the inside. I didn’t deserved to be normal.

So here I am, back on the road, chasing monsters, hoping maybe if I keep busy enough, the pain will numb itself. I hunt, I move, I don’t let myself stop because if I do, I’ll start thinking. Thinking about the look on Sam’s face when he let lucifer inside, knowing he was giving up everything, knowing he was leaving me and Dean alone. The way he looked at me, like he was apologizing for something he didn’t need to apologize for. I kept thinking how much suffering he must be enduring, angels haven’t proven to be merciful and now he is locked with two of the strongest ones

I keep wondering if maybe there was something else I could’ve done. But he’s gone. And the thought of never hearing his voice, of never sharing another stupid, pointless conversation with him—it’s like a part of me was buried with him. I can’t make it stop hurting.

I’ve tried everything, I’ve searched in everyplace I could think of, but there is nothing on how to bring him back, I even tried calling Castiel, but he never answered, Sam is truly gone

And I’m here, surrounded by strangers and towns that all start to look the same. And I wonder if this is all that’s left for me now—a life of hunting, of empty motel rooms. The only thing that feels familiar is the hunt, the sting of bruises, the rush of adrenaline. At least out there, facing down monsters, I don’t feel like I’m the only one haunted by ghosts. I feel like I can actually do something good

Maybe one day, I’ll find a way to stop, to live without looking over my shoulder. But for now, this is all I know.

[layce2015]

Supernatural (Dean Winchester x Female!Reader)

Are You There God? It's Me, Dean Winchester

Masterlist

*(y/n)'s POV*

Bobby was sitting at his desk with a pile of books in front of him while Sam and I were sitting in a couple of chair in the opposite corner talking to Dean, who is standing. "Well, then tell us what else it could be." Sam said to Dean. "Look, all I know is I was not groped by an angel." Dean said.

"Okay, look, Dean. Why do you think this Castiel would lie to you about it?" I asked him. "Maybe he's some kind of demon. Demons lie." Dean replied. "A demon who's immune to salt rounds and devil's traps...and Ruby's knife? Dean, Lilith is scared of that thing!" Sam exclaims. 

"Don't you think that if angels were real, that some hunter somewhere would have seen one...at some point...ever?" Dean asked and I give him a disbelieving look. "Yeah. You just did, Dean." I said, annoyed, and Dean scoffs. "I'm trying to come up with a theory here. Okay? Work with me." He growls.

"Dean, we have a theory." Sam said. "Yeah, one with a little less fairy dust on it, please." said Dean. "Okay, look. I'm not saying we know for sure. I'm just saying that I think we --" Sam started to explain but Dean talks over him. "Okay, okay. That's the point. We don't know for sure, so I'm not gonna believe that this thing is a freaking Angel of the Lord because it says so!" Dean yells.

"You three Chuckleheads want to keep arguing religion, or do you want to come take a look at this?" Bobby calls out and we get up and walk over to Bobby's desk. "I got stacks of lore -- Biblical, pre-Biblical. Some of it's in damn cuneiform. It all says an angel can snatch a soul from the pit." He said.

"What else?" Dean asked. "What else, what?" Bobby said, shrugging. "What else could do it?" Dean asked. "Airlift your ass out of the hot box? As far as I can tell, nothing." Bobby said and I turn to Dean and place my hands on his shoulders.

"Dean, this is good news." I said. "How?" Dean asked. "Because for once, this isn't just another round of demon crap. I mean, maybe you were saved by one of the good guys, you know?" I said, hopeful. "Okay. Say it's true. Say there are angels. Then what? There's a God?" Dean asked, i could hear suspicion in his voice.

"At this point, Vegas money's on yeah." Bobby said as Sam nods. "I don't know, guys." Dean said. "Okay, look. I know you're not all choirboy about this stuff, but this is becoming less and less about faith and more and more about proof." Sam said to Dean.

"Proof?" Dean asked.

"Yes." Sam and I said.

"Proof that there's a God out there that actually gives a crap about me personally? I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it." Dean said, shaking hi ms head. "Why not?" I asked him. "Because why me? If there is a God out there, why would he give a crap about me?" Dean asked.

"Dean --" Sam and I said, exasperated, but Dean talks over us again. "I mean, I've saved some people, okay? I figured that made up for the stealing and the ditching chicks. But why do I deserve to get saved? I'm just a regular guy." Dean said. "Apparently, you're a regular guy that's important to the man upstairs." I pointed out. "Well, that creeps me out. I mean, I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties, much less by...God." Dean said.

"Okay, well, too bad, Dean, because I think he wants you to strap on your party hat." Sam said. "Fine. What do we know about angels?" Dean asked and Bobby picks up a pile of fat and weighty looking books and puts them in front of Dean.

"Start reading." Bobby said and Dean looks at the pile of books, and turns towards Sam. "You're gonna get me some pie." Dean said as he grabs a book from the top of the pile.

The next half hour, Dean, Bobby and I spent researching about angels but I couldn't really concentrate. I'm still in shock that Dean's back, half the time I have to pinch myself to make sure that this was real. But I am worried about how he got back...but if this was an angel that brought Dean back....this is big!

Bobby had been trying to call a friend, who he believed might have some info on angels but no response. He got worried and then we heard Sam pull up and he tells us to follow him.

We all walk out just as Bobby walks up to the car. "Keep the engine running." He said to Sam. "Why? What's going on?" Sam asked. "I got a friend one state over -- Olivia Lowry. I've been trying to reach her for three days on this angel thing. It's not like her to ignore this many calls." Bobby replied. 

"Olivia Lowry -- a hunter, right?" Sam asked. "Yeah. We're gonna go check on her. You guys follow me." he said. Dean approaches the driver's side of the car, as Bobby heads to his own car. "Scoot over." Dean said and Sam scoots over as I get into the backseat. Dean grabs the bag of food Sam bought back and looks inside it.

"Dude?" he said and Sam turns to him. "Yeah?" Sam asked. "Where's the pie?" Dean asked and Sam gives him a blank look while I shake my head.

Later, we make it to Olivia's house and Bobby enters the house, armed with a gun, followed by me and the boys who are also armed. "Olivia?" Bobby called out as we looked around. Then we see Olivia, dead and covered in blood, on the floor and Bobby walks away, out of the room.

"Bobby?" Dean asked but I noticed something on the doorway. "Salt line." I said to the boys and we look around the room. Dean picks up an EMF reader. "Olivia was rocking the EMF meter." He said. "Spirit activity." Sam said, nodding. "Yeah -- on steroids. I never seen a ghost do this to a person." Dean said as Bobby enters the room again, his phone in his hand.

"Bobby, you all right?" I asked him. "I called some hunters nearby..." Bobby said. "Good. We can use their help." Dean said. "...except they ain't answering their phones either." Bobby finished and we all shared a look of worry. "Something's up, huh?" Sam asked. "You think?" Bobby sneers and walks out of the room while the boys and I look concerned.

"We're in Jackson. It's not pretty. He looks even worse than Olivia." I said to Bobby, through my phone, after the boys and I walked out of a house of one of Bobby's hunter friends. "What about you?" I asked. "I checked on Carl Bates and R.C. Adams. They've redecorated...in red." Bobby said.

"What the hell is going on here, Bobby? Why did a bunch of ghosts suddenly want to gank off-duty hunters?" I asked as the boys give me a look. "I don't know, but until we find out, you guys better get your asses to my place." Bobby said. "We're on our way." I said then I hang up.

Later, Sam pulls up to a gas station then he gets out and puts the gas pump in the car. I get out of the car and walk to the restroom while Dean is asleep in the passenger seat of the car. I washed my hands in the bathroom, when I breath out my breath to see it visible.

The bathroom mirror covers with foggy mist, which I wipe away with my hand and become startled when I see Henriksen's reflection. "Hi, (y/n). It's been a while." he greets and my jaw drops and my eyes widen before I turn to him.

"Henriksen. Are you -- Did you..." I stammer but Henriksen talks over me. "I didn't survive...if that's what you're asking." he said and I frown. "I'm sorry." I said, apologetically. And I meant it; ever since we heard about that explosion at that station, I felt guilt for all those people the boys and I tried so hard to keep safe.

"I know you are." He said. "Look, if we'd known Lilith was coming --" I said, quickly, but Henriksen talks over me again. "You wouldn't have left half a dozen innocent people in that police station to die in your place. You did this to me. It was your fault. She was after you and Sam, and I paid the price. You left us there to die!" Henriksen yells then he attacksSme, grabbing me hard, and throwing me around.

That's when I noticed a small brand on Henriksen's hand. But before I could do anything, I was thrown against the mirrors and Henriksen knocks my head on the sink. I fall to the ground, blacking out.

*3rd Person POV*

Once (y/n) hit the ground, Dean and Sam enter and shoots at Henriksen, whose ghost disappears. Dean turns his head and sees the woman he loves on the ground, pass out. "(Y/n)!" He said, worried, as he and his brother go over to her.

Minutes later, Dean is driving and on the phone while (y/n) is in the passenger seat with bruises on her face, Sam was in the back seat. "Damn it, Bobby! Pick up!" Dean growls as he looks at his phone. Then he turns to (y/n). "How you feeling, huh? How many fingers am I holding up?" He asked her and she rolls her eyes. "None. I'll be fine, Dean." She said, exasperated.

"Henriksen?" Sam asked from the backseat. "Yep." she said. "Why? What did he want?" Dean asked. "Revenge, 'cause we got him killed." said (y/n). "(Y/n)." Dean said, exasperated. "Well, we did, Dean." (y/n) said. "All right. Stop right there. Whatever the hell is going on, it's happening to us now, okay? I can't get ahold of Bobby, so if you're not thinking answers, don't think at all." Dean said and (y/n) scoffed.

"You sure you're okay, (y/n)?" Sam asked (y/n), concerned. "Yes, Sammy. I'm fine." She said as they head to Bobby's house.

Dean, Sam and (y/n) enter the house, guns cocked and ready. "Bobby?" Dean calls out until they find the iron poker on the ground. Dean then gestures to the stairs. "I'll go. You two check outside." He tells them and they nod.

Sam and (y/n) walk through the junkyard and kept calling out for Bobby but no answer. They didn't know that Bobby was in a car with two ghost girls, who are keeping him quiet.

Dean was upstairs, searching. "Bobby?" he shouts when a door opens, slowly, no one is visible. "Come out, come out, whoever you are." he calls out. Then a Young Woman with shoulder-length brown hair appears behind him.

"Dean Winchester. Still so bossy. You don't recognize me? This is what I looked like before that demon cut off my hair and dressed me like a slut." the woman said and Dean realized that this was Meg. 

"Meg?" He said, confused. "Hi. It's okay, I'm not a demon." She assures him. "You're the girl the demon possessed." Dean said to Meg, shocked. "Meg Masters. Nice to finally talk to you when I'm not, you know, choking on my own blood." She said then she holds up her hands. "It's okay. Seriously, I'm just a college girl. Sorry -- was. I was walking home one night and got jumped by all this smoke. Next thing you know, I'm a prisoner..." and she puts a hand to her head. "...in here. Now, I was awake. I had to watch while she murdered people." She explained.

"I'm sorry." Dean said, apologetically. "Oh, yeah? So sorry you had me thrown off a building?" Meg asked, a bit angry.

"Well, we thought --"

"No, you didn't think! I kept waiting, praying! I was trapped in there screaming at you! Just help me, please! You're supposed to help people, Dean. Why didn't you help me?" She asked, angrily, but Dean didn't have an answer. "I'm sorry." He tells her again.

"Stop saying you're sorry!" Meg shouts then she slaps Dean and knocks him to the floor. "Meg. Meg..." Dean said as he tries to calm her down but she kicks Dean. "We didn't know." Dean explained. "No...You just attacked. Did you ever think there was a girl in here? No. You just charged in, slashing and burning. You think you're some kind of hero?" she growled.

"No, I don't." said Dean and Meg grabs hold of his jacket. Her hand has a brand on it. "You're damn right. Do you have any idea what it's like to be ridden for months by pure evil...while your family has no idea what happened to you?" she asked. "We did the best we could." Dean said then Meg shoves him and kicks him again. 

Then she stands over him. "It wasn't just me, Dean. I had a sister. A little sister. She worshipped me. You know how little siblings are, right? How they'll do anything for you. She was never the same after I disappeared. She just...she just got lost. And when my body was lying in the morgue beat-up and broken..." she said, her voice shaking with tears. "Meg." Dean groans but Meg continues.

"Do you know what that did to her? She killed herself!" she exclaims then she kicks Dean in the stomach.  Because of you, Dean! Because all you were thinking about was your family, your revenge, and your demons! 50 words of Latin a little sooner, and I'd still be alive. My baby sister would still be alive. That blood is on your hands, Dean!" she screams "You're right." Dean said and Meg kicks at him again.

Meanwhile, Sam and (y/n) were looking through the car lot for Bobby, calling out for him. But then Sam spots a reflection and works his way up a pile of cars towards Bobby, (y/n) close behind him. "Bobby! Hold on, Bobby! We're coming! Bobby!" Sam said and he and (y/n) use a couple of crowbars to pry open the doors to the car where Bobby is being held.

The girls push him and (y/n) backwards and they land on another car below, bleeding. The girls jump on them and the two hunters use the crowbars to fight the two until they disappeared.

Back inside, Dean was still on the ground as he takes out a gun and aims it at Meg. "Come on, Dean, did your brain get french-fried in Hell? You can't shoot me with bullets." Meg sneered at him. "I'm not shooting you." Dean said then he aims his gun and shoots at the ceiling, a chandelier falls and lands on Meg. "Iron." He growls.

Later, Dean, Sam, (y/n) and Bobby were in the study, discussing what just happened. "So, they're all people we know?" (y/n) asked. "Not just know. People we couldn't save." Dean explained then he looks over at Sam. "Hey, I saw something on Meg. Did she have a tattoo when she was alive?" he asked.

"I don't think so." Sam said, after thinking for a moment. "It was like a-a mark on her hand -- almost like a brand." Dean said and (y/n) looks up at him. "I saw a mark, too, on Henriksen." she exclaims. 

"What did it look like?" Bobby asked and (y/n) thinks. "Uh, paper?" she asked and Sam offers her a piece of paper and she takes it. "Thanks." She said and she starts sketching the mark.

Few moments later, she holds the drawing up for Dean to compare. "That's it." Dean said as Bobby and Sam look at it too. "I may have seen this before. We got to move." He said as he quickly stands up. "Follow me." He said.

"Okay, where are we going?" Sam asked as they follow him. "Some place safe, you idiot." Bobby growls as he picks up some books and leads the trio to a basement room, which is made entirely of iron and covered with pentagrams and Devil's traps.

"Bobby, is this..." (y/n) started to ask but Bobby finished her sentence. "Solid iron. Completely coated in salt. 100% ghost-proof." he said. "You built a panic room?" Sam asked. "I had a weekend off." Bobby said, shrugging nonchalantly.

"Bobby." Dean mutters and Bobby turns to him. "What?" He asked and Dean smirks. "You're awesome." He said then he sees a poster of a swimsuit model. "Oh." He mutters and (y/n) folds her arms across her chest. "You can look, but can't touch." She said and Dean turns to her and gives her his signature smile. 

"I'm starting to like this side of you." He said and (y/n) rolls her eyes at him.

Later, Sam, Dean and (y/n) were making iron bullets when Dean turns to the others. "See, this is why I can't get behind God." He said. "What are you talking about?" Sam asked as he and (y/n) look up at him. "If he doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. There's no rhyme or reason -- just random, horrible, evil -- I get it, okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?" Dean asked and Sam and (y/n) share a look before they turn back to Dean.

But before they could say anything, Bobby comes in. "Found it." He said, holding a book. "What?" (Y/n) asked. "The symbol you saw -- the brand on the ghosts..." Bobby said. "Yeah?" (Y/n) said. "Mark of the Witness." Bobby replied.

"Witness? Witness to what?" Sam asked. "The unnatural. None of them died what you'd call ordinary deaths. See, these ghosts -- they were forced to rise. They woke up in agony. They were like rabid dogs. It ain't their fault. Someone rose them...on purpose." Bobby said.

"Who?" Sam asked, curiously. "Do I look like I know?" Bobby asked, annoyed. "Yes...cause you're all knowing." (Y/n) said and Bobby turns to her. "Smart-ass." He grumbles and she smiles, proudly. "Anyway whoever it was used a spell so powerful it left a mark, a brand on their souls. Whoever did this had big plans. It's called the rising of the witnesses. It figures into an ancient prophecy." Bobby said before Dean blinks, rapidly.

"Wait, wait. What -- what book is that prophecy from?" he asked. "Well, the widely distributed version's just for tourists, you know. But long story short -- Revelations. This is a sign, boys and girls." Bobby said. "A sign of what?" The trio asked. "The apocalypse." Bobby said and the whole room got quiet.

"Apocalypse? The apocalypse, apocalypse? The four horsemen, pestilence, $5-a-gallon-gas apocalypse?" Dean asked, shocked. "That's the one. The rise of the witnesses is a -- a mile marker." Bobby replied. "Okay, so, what do we do now?" Sam asked, worried. "Road trip. Grand Canyon, Star Trek Experience." (y/n) said. "Bunny Ranch." Dean added and (y/n) punches his arm.

"First things first. How about we survive our friends out there?" Bobby asked. "Great. Any ideas aside from staying in this room until Judgment Day?" Dean asked with sarcasm. "It's a spell..." Bobby said as he indicates the paper in front of him. "...to send the witnesses back to rest. Should work."

"Should. Great." Sam grumbles. "If I translate it correctly. I think I got everything we need here at the house." Bobby said. "Any chance you got everything we need here in this room?" Dean asked him. "So, you thought our luck was gonna start now all of a sudden? Spell's got to be cast over an open fire." Bobby said. 

"The fireplace in the library." (y/n) said and Bobby points at her. "Bingo." he said. "That's just not as appealing as a, uh, ghost-proof panic room, you know?" Dean mutters as he and the others prepare to leave the panic room.

"Cover each other. And aim careful. Don't run out of ammo until I'm done, or they'll shred you. Ready?" Bobby said and they make their way out of the room, and head towards the stairs.

A ghost sits on the stairs, a young man in his early 20s with curly hair. "Hey, Dean. You remember me?" The man asked. "Ronald, huh? With the laser eyes? I wish I could say it's good to see you." Dean said. "I am dead because of you. You were supposed to help me!" Ronald shouts then Bobby shoots at Ronald. "If you're gonna shoot, shoot. Don't talk." Bobby tells him and they make their way to the living room.

Sam and (y/n) create a salt cirle and Dean starts the fire. "Upstairs, linen closet -- red hex box. It'll be heavy." Bobby tells Sam. "Got it." Sam said and he heads upstairs. Then two girls appear in the living room again. "Bobby." One girl said and Dean shoots at the girls. "Kitchen. Cutlery drawer. It's got a false bottom. Hemlock, opium, wormwood." Bobby tells him and Dean looks at him, confused.

"Opium?" he asked. "Go!" Bobby shouts just as the girls reappear while Dean leaves for the kitchen. Bobby is drawing with chalk on the desk and tries to focus on this while the girls are there. "Bobby. You walked right by us while that monster ate us all up." One of the girls said to him. "You could have saved us." The second girl said then (y/n) picks up her gun and shoots at the girls.

Upstairs, Sam finds the red box in the cupboard when Meg shows up. "You know what really pisses me off, Sam?" Meg asked. Sam turns around, sees Meg and fires at her. "You saw how I suffered for months. I thought you must have learned something. I thought I died for something." Meg growled.

"Meg." Sam mutters as he reloads his gun. "But what you're doing with that demon, Ruby...How many innocent bodies has Ruby burned through for kicks? How many girls just like me? And you don't send her back to Hell? You're a monster!" Meg yells then Sam raises his rifle and shoots Meg.

Meanwhile, Dean is in the kitchen looking for the false bottom in the drawer when the doors to the kitchen close suddenly. "Dean!" (Y/n) yells, fearfully, and he turns to the door. "I'm all right, (y/n)! You make sure that Bobby keeps working!" He calls out when Henriksen appears next to him.

"Victor." Dean said.

"Dean." Henriksen said.

"I know." Dean said, apologetically. 

"No. You don't." Henriksen growls. 

"It's my fault you're dead. I left you behind. And the minute I heard about that explosion, I thought, I should have known. I should have protected you." Dean said as he reaches for a gun behind him, but it goes flying across the room.

"Unh-unh. Not so fast. You think you left and Lilith came and we all died in a beautiful blast of...white light? If only. 45 minutes." Henriksen said. "What?" Dean said, confused. "Over 45 minutes. Lilith said she wanted to have some fun. The secretary was first. Remember her? Nancy, the virgin. Lilith filleted Nancy's skin off piece by piece. Right in front of us, made us watch. Nancy never stopped screaming." Henriksen said and Dean's eyes widen.

"No." he whispered.

"I was the last." Henriksen said.

"Victor..." Dean started to say until Henriksen reaches inside Dean's chest and grips his heart. "Tell me how it's fair. You get saved from Hell -- I die. Why do you deserve another chance, Dean?" he said but then Sam enters and shoots Henriksen, rushing to check on Dean as soon as Henriksen is gone.

"You all right?" Sam asked him. "No." Dean said as he places his hand on his chest. "Let's go." Sam said as he helps Dean up and he and Dean carry the hex box and other ingredients to the library. Ronald appears again as Dean is reloading his gun.

"Ronald. Hey, come on, man. I thought we were pals." Dean said. "That's when I was breathing. Now I'm gonna eat you alive." Ronald growls. "Well...come on, I'm not a cheeseburger." Dean yells then he cocks his gun and points it at Ronald, but Ronald has vanished.

Bobby recites some Latin words and the windows blow open and a wind fills the room, the wind moves the salt so they are no longer protected by it. Meg appears and (y/n) quickly shoots at her, as Bobby continues to recite the spell

Ronald appears and they shoot at him. Sam, Dean and (y/n) continue to fire as the ghosts appear. Henriksen knocks Dean's gun out of his hands when he is reloading, and approaches him. (Y/n) aims her gun, and shoots it at Henriksen, who then turns to her. He knocks the gun out of her hands then shoves her to the side as Dean quickly picks up an iron rod and hits at Henriksen.

Meg appears and pushes Sam against the wall, trapping him there with a desk. Sam tries to push the desk away without success. "Sam! Help Bobby!" Dean yells.

Bobby continues to recite the spell and Sam keeps trying to get out from behind the desk. The two girls sit on the desk waiting as Meg plunges a hand into Bobby's back. Bobby drops the bowl with spell ingredients.

"Dean!" Bobby yells as Dean catches the bowl. "Fireplace!" Bobby yells and Dean throws the bowl in the fire, which turns blue. The ghosts all disappear and Bobby falls to the ground. "Bobby?" (Y/n) calls out as she gets up and Sam pushes the desk away, freeing himself. Dean, Sam and (y/n) help Bobby up. He nods, indicating he is okay.

That night, Sam is asleep on the couch while Dean and (y/n) are asleep on the floor nearby, (y/n) was sleeping on her left side while Dean was spooning her. Dean then wakes up to find Castiel standing in the kitchen. Dean checks on Sam, sees he is asleep, and slowly removes his arms off of (y/n) then walks over to join Castiel.

"Excellent job with the witnesses." Castiel praised. "You were hip to all this?" Dean asked him. "I was, uh, made aware." Castiel replied. "Well, thanks a lot for the angelic assistance." Dean said, sarcastically. "You know, I almost got my heart ripped out of my chest."

"But you didn't." Castiel pointed out. "I thought angels were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos -- you know, Michael Landon. Not dicks." Dean growls. "Read the Bible. Angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier." replied Castiel. 

"Yeah? Then, why didn't you fight?" Dean asked, angrily. "I'm not here to perch on your shoulder. We had larger concerns." Castiel said. "Concerns? There were people getting torn to shreds down here! And, by the way, while all this is going on, where the hell is your boss, huh, if there is a God?" Dean asked, angrily. 

"There's a God." Castiel assures. "I'm not convinced. 'Cause if there's a God, what the hell is he waiting for, huh? Genocide? Monsters roaming the earth? The freaking apocalypse? At what point does he lift a damn finger and help the poor bastards that are stuck down here?" asked Dean.

"The Lord works..."

"If you say mysterious ways, so help me, I will kick your ass." Dean threatens and Castiel closes his mouth. "So, Bobby was right...about the witnesses. This is some kind of a...sign of the apocalypse." Dean said and Castiel nods. "That's why we're here. Big things afoot." he said.

"Do I want to know what kind of things?" Dean asked. "I sincerely doubt it, but you need to know. The rising of the witnesses is one of the 66 seals." Castiel informs. "Okay. I'm guessing that's not a show at Seaworld." Dean said with sarcasm.

"Those seals are being broken by Lilith." Castiel said and Dean raises an eyebrow. "She did the spell. She rose the witnesses." Dean said. "Mm-hmm. And not just here. 20 other hunters are dead." Castiel said. "Of course. She picked victims that the hunters couldn't save so that they would barrel right after us." Dean grumbles. "Lilith has a certain sense of humor." Castiel said.

"Well, we put those spirits back to rest." Dean tells him.

"It doesn't matter. The seal was broken." Castiel said.

"Why break the seal anyway?" Dean asked him. "You think of the seals as locks on a door." Castiel said and Dean thinks. "Okay. Last one opens and..." he said then Castiel finishes.. "Lucifer walks free."

"Lucifer? But I thought Lucifer was just a story they told at demon Sunday school. There's no such thing." Dean said,, shaking his head. "Three days ago, you thought there was no such thing as me. Why do you think we're here walking among you now for the first time in 2,000 years?" Castiel asked.

"To stop Lucifer." Dean replied and. Castiel nods. "That's why we've arrived." said Castiel. "Well...bang-up job so far. Stellar work with the witnesses. That's nice." Dean said, sarcastically.

"We tried. And there are other battles, other seals. Some we'll win, some we'll lose. This one we lost. Our numbers are not unlimited. Six of my brothers died in the field this week." Castiel said and Dean looks a bit taken aback by this. "You think the armies of Heaven should just follow you around? There's a bigger picture here. You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of Hell. I can throw you back in." Castiel threatens then he vanishes, leaving Dean alone in the kitchen.

Later Dean wakes up and sees that Sam and (y/n) are already awake, up and about. "You all right? What's wrong, Dean?" (y/n) asked as she noticed that Dean looked a bit worried. Dean turns to them and asked. "So...You two got no problem believing in...God and Angels?"

"No, not really." Sam said as (y/n) shrugs. "I'd like to believe them." She said. "So, I guess that means that you believe in the Devil." Dean said and Sam and (y/n) share a look before they look back at Dean.

"Why are you asking us all this?" Sam asked him.

@rach5ive @kitsun369 @itzabbyxx @cevans-winchester @ellie-andthemachine

[fandomtherapy44]

castiel x reader

Summary: This story is from the perspective of Y/n Winchester. The sister Of Dean and Sam. We will be starting from season four since sadly we did not get Misha Collins as Castiel throughout the whole series. It will start off as a friendship, but it will grow more as the series goes on. I will be skipping some episodes even though they are great episodes they do not push the story forward. I am so excited to get to write this since they are not many Castiel X reader stories out there. Okay without further due Love War & Grace enjoy the Story.

Paring: Castiel X Reader

Word count: 4,676

Warnings: Some language, Typical Supernatural violence, Spoilers for season four of Supernatural

Chapter Two: Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester

Y/n’s POV: 

When I woke up at Bobby’s house the next morning I got up with joy and hope which had not happened in a while. I walk downstairs to Sam saying “Well, then tell me what else it could be.’’ “Look, all I know is I was not groped by an angel.” It’s sad to see him like this. “Dean I was there, Castiel showed us his wings what else could that prove. Why do you think he would lie to us about it?” I said as they look at me.” Maybe he's some kind of demon. Demons lie.” Dean said with annoyance looking back at me. Bobby steps in before we start yelling at each other.  “A demon who's immune to salt rounds and devil's traps... and Ruby's knife? Dean, Lilith is scared of that thing!”.” Don't you think that if angels were real, that some hunter somewhere would have seen one... at some point... ever?”.” Yeah. we just did, Dean.” I scoff a bit telling him.

” I'm trying to come up with a theory here. Okay? Work with me.” Dean said back to us all. “Dean, we have a theory.” “Yeah, one with a little less fairy dust on it, please.” I look at him wanting to shake him.” Okay, look. I'm not saying we know for sure. I'm just saying that I think we –” Sam said trying to help the situation brewing between his two siblings.” Okay, okay. That's the point. We don't know for sure, so I'm not gonna believe that this thing is a freaking Angel of the Lord because it says so.” Why can't Dean just expect that this happened for a good reason?

 “The three of you want to keep arguing religion, or do you want to come take a look at this?” Bobby tells us from his office. We all walk over quicker than usual.” I got stacks of lore -- Biblical, pre-Biblical. Some of it's in damn cuneiform. It all says an angel can snatch a soul from the pit.” Dean does not want to believe at all. “What else?’’. “What else Dean there is now proof from the lore, and you still think it might not be an angel.” I said to him flabbergasted. “Dean there is nothing that I know that could airlift your ass out of the hot box. As far as I can tell, nothing at all.” Bobby tells him.” Dean this is good news” Sam said to him with a smile.

” How?” Dean asks. “Because for once, this isn't just another round of demon crap. I mean, maybe you were saved by one of the good guys, you know?” I answered with glee in my voice. “Okay. Say it's true. Say there are angels. Then what? There's a God?” I hope he is starting to come around because my goodness he is a stubborn man. “At this point, Vegas money's on yeah.” Bobby answered. It seems like Dean still won’t let it go. 

“I don't know, guys.” “Okay, look. I know you're not all choirboy about this stuff, but this is becoming less and less about faith and more and more about proof.” “Proof?’’. “Yes, proof Dean.” I replied. “Proof that there's a God out there that actually gives a crap about me personally? I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it.” “Why not?’’ Sam asked with genuine curiosity.  “Because why me? If there is a God out there, why would he give a crap about me? “Dean says as he starts to spiral a bit.” I mean, I've saved some people, okay? I figured that made up for the stealing and the ditching chicks. But why do I deserve to get saved? I'm just a regular guy.” I think to myself he just does not think himself worthy, but I do.

 “Apparently, you're a regular guy that's important to the man upstairs.” I told him trying to confirm to him that he is here for a reason. “Well, that creeps me out. I mean, I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties, much less by... God.’’ ‘’ Okay, well, too bad, Dean, because I think he wants you to strap on your party hat.’’ Sam told him being right.” “Fine. What do we know about angels?” Dean said, yes finally we don't have to do this stupid dance anymore. Bobby then picks up all the books dropping them like they're hot and said” Start reading.” I immediately pick up a book and start reading if angels are here, I want to know everything about them. Dean looks at the pile and turns to Sam grabbing a book “You're gonna get me some pie.” Of course, man has got to have his pie.

When I am reading Dean comes up asking a question. “Why are you so eager to believe in this stuff Y/n? I mean with the horrible stuff we've been through how do you think there's angels or even a God you never believed before.” I look at him sighing knowing that I would have to tell him sometime. 

“About two months after you died, I was in shambles I was drinking every night practicing fighting with the bag every day I was killing myself in a way. Sam wouldn't answer his phone and the only other person that could help was not doing much better. So, one night drunk I prayed out to something anything that could help and tell me why this had happened again. And I felt this warm presence like it was a hand on my shoulder telling me everything would be alright. I chose to keep on praying and the hand kept on being there for me. So, the reason I want to believe so bad is that in a way it saved me from well me.” 

I finish telling him almost crying. Dean looks at me and hugs me. “Well, whatever it was I'm happy it was here to look after my baby sis when I couldn't” I chuckle at his response. “Thanks, Dean,” I say with a bit of a sniffle and smile.

We just got the news about Olivia and how she was not returning Bobby's calls and start to rush to our cars. When we are coming to the junkyard the Impala comes in with Sam coming back from the food run. Bobby told Sam what was going on “Keep the engine running.” “Why? What's going on?” Sam questions. “I got a friend one state over -- Olivia Lowry. I've been trying to reach her for three days on this angel thing. It's not like her to ignore this many calls.” “Olivia Lowry -- a hunter, right?” Sam confirms back. “Yeah. We're gonna go check on her. You guys follow me.’’ Dean and I get in the Impala and Sam hands the snack bag over to Dean. “Dude?” Dean says with concern. “What?” I ask. Dean answers me with. “He forgot the pie!” 

All of us enter Olivia’s house searching for her. “Olivia?” Bobby said almost yelling while walking in the house. He suddenly runs out I look over to Olivas body which is cracked open like a Thanksgiving turkey. I look around the house to see if there were any clues as to what happened. I see a white line on the ground. “Salt line.” I point out. We look all around the room there is an EMF reader on the floor.” She had her EMF reader out.” 

I tell them while picking it up.” Spirit activity.” Sam confirmed back which is how, I don't know.  “Yeah -- on steroids. I never seen a ghost do this to a person.” Dean tells us while looking around with interest. Bobby comes back into the room holding his phone looking panicky.  “Bobby, you all, right?” I ask him with concern.  

“I called some hunters nearby…”  “Good, we could use some help. “I told him, thinking what was going on? “...except they ain't answering their phones either.” Of course, just our luck I knew we shouldn't have broken all those mirrors during that Bloody Mary case. “Something's up, huh?” Sam said with regard. “You think?’’ Bobby answered with sarcasm him being Bobby and all. He walked out of the house and the three of us share a look of what the in the ever-living hell was going on. 

The boys come out of Jed’s house with disdain and sad looks on their faces. They wanted me to stay out here in case it was the same thing and honestly, I didn't want to see that again.  “Same thing huh” I said to them while looking down They both shake their heads yes.” Better call Bobby then” I said as Dean pulled out his phone, me feeling horrible for him as he just lost so many friends at once. “We're in Jackson. It's not pretty. He looks even worse than Olivia. What about you?” “What the hell is going on here, Bobby? Why did a bunch of ghosts suddenly want to gank off-duty hunters?” “We're on our way.” Dean put his phone back in his pocket. “The rest are the same” Damn we just can't catch a break I think as we drive away.

Dean, Sam, and I stop at a gas station I need to use the bathroom and baby needs fuel. After I am done washing my hands, I feel a chill in the air, and I can see my breath. I look up in the mirror there standing is a ghost not just any ghost it’s Henriksen the person who helped us from before. “Henriksen. Are you -- Did you…’’ I said terrified not because it was a ghost but because he should be at rest. ‘’I am so sorry if we had known that Lilith was coming –.” I said backing up a bit as he got closer. “You wouldn't have left half a dozen innocent people in that police station to die in your place. You guys did this to me. It was your fault. She was after you guys, and I paid the price. You three left us there to die!” 

 He said with anger and grabbed me and threw me around like a rag doll. He then picks me up and throws me against the mirror but this time I notice a small brand on his hand. He throws me against the sink so hard a piece breaks off he picks it up and is about to throw it on my head. That's when my brothers kick in the door Dean shoots at him and Sam comes in to help me up.

Dean is speeding to Bobby’s house while I am trying to keep my head up in case, I had a concussion. “Damn it, Bobby! Pick up!” Dean said with anger and concern while looking at me.  “How you feeling, huh? How many fingers am I holding up?” Dean said while talking to me. “32” I say half joking. 

“Y/n this not the time for jokes’’ “Oh come on it was a little funny.” I said trying to lighten the mood. “I'll be fine guys… Hopefully.’’ They both look at me with are you serious looks. “Henriksen? “Sam said confirming that he really was the ghost. ‘’ Why? What did he want?”.  “Maybe revenge because we got him killed.” I say matter-of-factly. “y/n“ Dean said to me with a sorry look in his eyes. “She’s right Dean we did”. “All right. Stop right there. Whatever the hell is going on, it's happening to us now, okay? I can't get ahold of Bobby, so if you guys are not thinking answers, don't think at all.” Dean said speeding a little more.

The three of us enter Bobby’s house carefully but are ready to shoot anything that comes our way. “Bobby?” I asked out loud with fear and concern. I see the iron fire poker on the ground which is not a good sign. “We will go. You check outside.” Dean said to Sam. Then Dean gestures for him and me to go upstairs. “Bobby?” I opened the door slowly to see no one in there. Dean being Dean said, “Come out, come out, whoever you are.” I then get that same cold feeling that someone was there with us. I turn around to see Meg but not with blond hair but with brown hair no makeup no revealing clothes she had worn. She looks like a typical college girl a girl who looks like I would be friends with. “Dean Winchester. Still so bossy. You don't recognize me?” Meg said to him sounding almost kind. “Meg?” Dean answered back with the same reaction I had with Henriksen.” Hi. It's okay, I'm not a demon.” Meg said as if we were having a normal conversation.

“You're the girl the demon possessed.” I said to her feeling horrible for what had happened.  “Meg Masters. Nice to finally talk to you when I'm not, you know, choking on my own blood. It's okay. Seriously, I'm just a college girl. Sorry -- was. I was walking home one night and got jumped by all this smoke. Next thing you know, I'm a prisoner...  in here. Now, I was awake. I had to watch while she murdered people.” She said to us while pointing to her head and recapping the episode of which when she had no control of her own body. 

“I'm sorry.” Dean said to her being genuine. “Oh, yeah? So sorry you had me thrown off a building?” She said getting angry. “Well, we thought –” Dean said back trying to defend our actions. “No, you didn't think! I kept waiting, praying! I was trapped in there screaming at you! "Just help me, please!" You're supposed to help people, Dean. Why didn't you help me?” She starts to get closer to us. ‘’I'm sorry.” Dean said again trying to make do for what we had done. “Stop saying you're sorry!” Meg said while slapping him to the ground. 

“Dean!” I said trying to get to him. Meg looks at me. 

“And little Y/n Winchester you know I'm not much older than you we could have been friends why couldn't you help me!? I understand why because you can't think for yourself because you know your brothers are the real hunters. You're just the annoying sibling they let tag along.” Meg said as she flung me to the wall and keeps me there with her ghost energy. I try not to cry out being more hurt because of what happened with Henriksen.

 “Don't worry I'll finish you off but first your brother.” Meg said while walking back to Dean with intent. “We didn't know.” Dean said while looking up to her trying again. “No... You just attacked. Did you ever think there was a girl in here? No. You just charged in, slashing and burning. You think you're some kind of hero?” “ No, I don't.” Dean answered back feeling like he had failed again. “You're damn right. Do you have any idea what it's like to be ridden for months by pure evil... while your family has no idea what happened to you?”. “ We did the best we could.” Meg kicked and shoved him again.

“It wasn't just me, Dean. I had a sister. A little sister. She worshipped me. You know how little siblings are, right? How they'll do anything for you. She was never the same after I disappeared. She just... she just got lost. And when my body was lying in the morgue beat-up and broken…” Meg said telling us what happened with her family and Dean knowing exactly how that was.  “Meg” Dean still trying to reason with her spirit.” Do you know what that did to her? She killed herself!  Because of you, Dean! Because all you were thinking about was your family, your revenge, and your demons! 50 words of Latin a little sooner, and I'd still be alive. My baby sister would still be alive. That blood is on your hands, Dean! Now your little sister is going to feel what my sister had to go through before I kill her nice and slow.” Meg said kicking him again. 

I have to get out of this before Meg makes me watch my nightmare come true again. I break thru and aim my gun at the chandelier above where Meg was standing and had kicked Dean over. Dean sees this and distracts Meg by bringing his own gun and aims it at her. “Come on, Dean, did your brain get french-fried in Hell? You can't shoot me with bullets.” Meg said to Dean like he was a four-year-old. ’’I'm not shooting you.” Dean said while nodding at me. I shoot at the chandelier, and it comes down at Meg fast. “Iron.

All of us are now in Bobby’s office trying to recover from the ghost match. “So, they're all people we know?” Sam said, questioning why this was happening. Dean replied with another question. 

 “Not just know. People we couldn't save. Hey, I saw something on Meg. Did she have a tattoo when she was alive?”. “I don't think so.” Sam replied. “It was like a-a mark on her hand -- almost like a brand.” Dean said to us trying to figure out what this was. “ A brand, I saw one on Henriksen too while he was roundhousing me.” I answered while holding my head. “What did it look like?” Bobby asked. 

Sam took out a piece of paper and started to sketch the brand. He holds it up for us to see. “That's it.” I said confirming it. Bobby takes one look “I may have seen this before. We got to move.” Bobby said to us and starts to walk somewhere. “Where?” I question where he brings us down to this room covered in iron and devil's traps. “Bobby, is this…” I said in awe. “Solid iron. Completely coated in salt. 100% ghost-proof.” Bobby said sounding proud. “You built a panic room?” Sam said with a little disbelief at how amazing this man was. “I had a weekend off.” Of course, he would he’s Bobby Singer. “Bobby you're awesome.” I said while looking around the room. 

We are making salt rounds in the ghost room going as fast as we could.” See, this is why I can't get behind God.” Oh lord, here we go again no pun needed. “What are you talking about?” Sam questioned hearing his brother. “If he doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. There's no rhyme or reason -- just random, horrible, evil -- I get it, okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?” I am just going to keep my opinion to myself, so we don't start a fight again. 

“I ain't touching this one with at 10-foot pole.” Sam responded. Bobby comes back into the room. “Found it. The symbol you saw -- the brand on the ghosts…” Bobby puts down a book. “Mark of the Witness.” Witness? Witness to what?” I question. “The unnatural. None of them died what you'd call ordinary deaths. See, these ghosts -- they were forced to rise. They woke up in agony. They were like rabid dogs. It ain't their fault. Someone rose them... on purpose.” “Who would do that to them they've already suffered enough.” “Whoever it was used a spell so powerful it left a mark, a brand on their souls. Whoever did this had big plans. It's called "the rising of the witnesses." “It figures into an ancient prophecy.” “Wait, wait. What -- what book is that prophecy from?” Dean questioned with concern. “Well, the widely distributed version's just for tourists, you know. But long story short -- Revelations. This is a sign, guys.” “A sign for what? “I ask sacred. Bobby unfortunately answers me “The apocalypse.”

“Apocalypse? The apocalypse, apocalypse? The four horsemen, pestilence, $5-a-gallon-gas apocalypse?” Dean asked just to be sure he heard Bobby right. “That's the one. The rise of the witnesses is a -- a mile marker.” “Okay, so, what do we do now?” I asked getting ready for another match with the all-stars.”Road trip. Grand Canyon, Star Trek Experience. Bunny Ranch.” Dean said being somewhat serious. 

“First things first. How about we survive our friends out there?” Bobby said with sarcasm. “Great. Any ideas aside from staying in this room until Judgment Day?” “It's a spell to send the witnesses back to rest. Should work.” “Great what do we need.” I said trying to get this thing over with. “If I translate it correctly. I think I got everything we need here at the house.” Bobby answered me. “Any chance you got everything we need here in this room?” Dean asked with hope. “So, you thought our luck was gonna start now all of a sudden? Spell's got to be cast over an open fire.” Bobby answered I Had no idea we even had luck.

 “The fireplace in the library.” I said realizing we would have to leave the safe room. “Bingo.”  “That's just not as appealing as a, uh, ghost-proof panic room, you know?” Dean said and I agree with him. “well if we die I'll still annoy you in the afterlife about that.” I said trying to be funny they all look like they want to shoot me. “Cover each other. And aim careful. Don't run out of ammo until I'm done, or they'll shred you. Ready?” Bobby said preparing us “Got it so we run out were dead perfect” I said under my breath as we leave the room.

The four of us head upstairs and we see a man sitting there oh no. “Hey, Dean. You remember me?” Said Ronald who died just because he knew us. “Ronald, huh? With the laser eyes? I wish I could say it's good to see you.” Dean said trying to joke with the man that got killed because of us I pull him to me.” Uh Dean not the time use your “charm’’ “. “I am dead because of you. You were supposed to help me!” Ronald said getting up as if he was going to attack. Bobby shoots him. “If you're gonna shoot, shoot. Don't talk.’’ 

We all run into the living room to start the ritual. “Upstairs, linen closet -- red hex box. It'll be heavy.” Bobby said to Sam pointing him upstairs as I was making a salt line. Two ghost girls show up. "Bobby.” They said as I shoot them away.” What is this the shining!?”. “Kitchen. Cutlery drawer. It's got a false bottom. Hemlock, opium, wormwood.” Bobby commands Dean. We both look at Bobby “Opium?”. I stay in the line to protect Bobby as he was drawing the chalk.  “Bobby. You walked right by us while that monster ate us all up. You could have saved us.” The girls said as they keep on repeating. I shoot them again. “Yeah yeah, can't you just keep to your movie.’’ 

The boys come rushing in with the rest of the ingredients. Ronald appears again.” Ronald. Hey, come on, man. I thought we were pals.” “That's when I was breathing. Now I'm gonna eat you alive.” “Well...come on, I'm not a cheeseburger.” Dean said as he cocked the gun, but Ronald disappeared again. Bobby is starting the spell and reciting Latin the windows open, and the salt line gets blown away. They keep on showing up Bobby keeps ongoing. Henkrison shows up I hit him with an iron rod. Meg shows up and pushes me against the wall with the desk.

“Y/n! “The boys shout. “Cover Bobby!’’ I shout back as I try to push the desk off. Bobby tosses the stuff in a bowl.” Dean! Fireplace” Bobby shouts throwing him the bowl. He throws it in and all the ghosts disappear. I am suddenly able to move the desk like nothing. We go to help Bobby up. “Bobby you good?’’ He shakes his head yes. “Okay great we didn't die who wants to celebrate with a beer or maybe a whole case.” I said they all laugh at me yes and finally got them.

My brothers and I decided to sleep in the same room in case any more ghosts showed up. Then I felt that warm presence again I look up from where I was sleeping and see Castiel standing in the kitchen looking like he needs to say something. I get up and walk over. “Great job on the witnesses.” He said while not really looking at me. “You knew.” I questioned. “I was, uh, made aware.” He said a little awkwardly. 

“Well I think we could have used your help I almost got turned into a ghosts board game. Why didn't you help?” I asked.” We had some other issues that had to be taken care of.” “Oh” I said a little sad by his answer. “There are bigger things coming’’. “what things?” I asked with concern.  “The rising of the witnesses is one of the 66 seals.” “I'm guessing those are nothing fun like I want them to be.” “ Those seals are being broken by Lilith.” 

“That makes sense she rose them as monster victims so they would come right for us. “Mm-hmm. And not just here. 20 other hunters are dead.’’ Castiel said looking around. “Wow, she really is a bitch” “Why break the seal anyway, just to toy with us?” “You think of the seals as locks on a door.” “The last one opens and then what?” “Lucifer walks free.” My eyes kind of widen at that. “That's why you guys are here, to stop Lucifer.” He nods his head. “Wow that's a lot”. “Look I appreciate you telling me, but why are you telling me and not Dean?” I asked what I had been wondering. “I already talked to him about these things. I also know that you hit your head and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He said which kind of surprised me. “Um well, nothing a little rubbing dirt on it won't fix.” He looked at me with confusion.” I don't understand how rubbing dirt on your head would heal it” “No Cas it's just an expression.” I said laughing.  “Cas?” he questioned.

“Yeah, well if you're going be around for a while it's easier than saying Castiel all the time” “Yes well, I better take my leave.” He's about to take off but I stop him to ask him something I needed to know. “Wait Cas. “Yes Y/n.” When I prayed for the first time, I felt this presence that would feel like it would put their hand on my shoulder and would be there every time, was that you?” I asked him hoping he would say yes. “yes, that was me.” I want to cry.” Thank you”. “You do not have to thank me I was just doing my duties as an angel.” “It might have been a regular job for you but for me, you were one of the only things that were there for me when I needed someone so thank you.” He looks at me with those kind blue eyes. “you're welcome, Y/n, goodnight’’ He flies off. “Good night, Cas.”

I woke up the next morning feeling like I had just talked to a friend for the first time in a long time. “You all, right? What's wrong, Dean?” Sam asked Dean and I look at him, “So... You guys got no problem believing in... God and Angels?” After the conversion I had last night, there was no doubt now. “No, not really.” Sam answers. "So, I guess that means that you guys believe in the Devil.” Dean asked with a little bit of fear. “Why are you asking us all this?” Sam questions and leaves me to wonder what Cas and Dean had talked about.

That's it hope you enjoyed, and also the next chapter is the time travel episode were Dean meets his parent's y/n will be there too so excited!

Next

[spncompostheap]

“My name is Castiel. I thought I'd introduce myself since you're new… So, how’s your first day treating you?”

“Somebody’s putting you up to this, right?” Dean asked, his voice deepening angrily as he looked around the room.

“Thing is, I'm not really the fuck around and find out type, so it’s probably best for EVERYONE INVOLVED to just leave me alone, okay?”

“No, no, it’s nothing like that! I- I've genuinely wanted to meet you all day… Who would treat you that way!? Has someone here been bullying you?” 

Dean paused, looking Castiel over before speaking. The guy wasn't unattractive, with his intense blue eyes and lightly tousled brown hair. Although dressed unconventionally in an oversized trench coat, Dean dismissed it as just another example of the artsy adolescent bullshit he’d been witnessing all day.

“What can I say, Cas? Most kids are assholes.” 

“Well, please allow me to be the exception then!” Castiel said, leaning into Dean’s personal space.

Dean frowned, his fight-or-flight response having been easily triggered. He was still unsure that he wasn't being played.

“What’s the matter?” Castiel asked, slowly reaching across the table.

“You don’t think you deserve to have a friend?”

“Not exactly something I-” Dean said, cutting himself off mid-sentence.

“Listen, my dad works a lot, and we move all over. It's a fair bet I won’t even be here next year… So you're probably just better off not knowing me, like, at all. ”

“See now, I’d rather you let me decide that for myself,” Castiel said, shrugging slightly.

“Okay, let's start off small. What’s your name?”

Usually, this was the part of a conversation where Dean said something snarky and walked away. Most folks couldn't be trusted to get too close since they’d never possibly understand his and Sam’s unconventional living situation. Though Dean had secretly longed to have friends many times, the jury was still out on whether it would ever be a good idea.

“It’s Dean,” Dean said, biting his lip.

“Alright, well, I’m very glad to meet you then, Dean,” 

Castiel said, flashing him a smile that made Dean’s insides flutter.

“Uh, great to meet you too, Cas,” Dean said, ducking his head to suppress the beginning of an unwelcome blush.

 “So, mind if I walk you to class?” Castiel asked, glancing down at his watch. 

“Yeah, uh, that would be great,” Dean said.

“Okay! To the second floor, and Ms Milton’s world history class!” Castiel said, adding ridiculous sweeping hand gestures that Dean couldn't help smiling at. 

[championari]

It's been 3 years since my life changed forever. So I want to get out all of my feelings and what I went through during this time in 2020.

See, I had already known about "Destiel" for years, only hearing whispers about it vaguely, and most of the time, in a very negative light. But around October, I started seeing videos compiling their moments, and thanks to my recent exposure to fanfiction thanks to Good Omens, I decided to finally see what the talk was all about. and of course, you can guess what I thought. But I still didn't believe it would happen. I was curious, given there were only a few episodes left to air at that point. I told myself that I would vaguely pay attention in case anything did happen.

I remember watching it, late that night. All of the anxiety piling up on me thanks to election week, and I just...broke. I was in hysterics for characters I had only known for a few weeks, but it wasn't a complete failure to me. At the time, I was so confident that it wasn't the end, that the next 2 episodes would see Dean and Sam figuring out a way to rescue Castiel. I had never believed in something so thoroughly then I did during that time. It was all still going to be ok.

And...it wasn't. those 2 weeks went by and we were left with nothing. Barely even a name mentioned, no discussion of the confession, no conclusive answer from Dean. And that...I didn't know how to properly describe what I was feeling then. I mean, why was I getting so upset over characters that, until a few weeks ago, I could barely care less about?

But I get it now. See, at the time I had, shall we say, an ignorant view of LGBTQ people and their struggles. I was the kind of person who heard of Korrasami going canon, and was just really confused. "why are people so crazy about this? They're just holding hands, what's the deal?" I had only ever known homophobia by this nebulous annoyance, and classified it under the same umbrella as people in gaming communities I frequented being weirdly mean to me because I was a girl. Bigotry existed in my head, but I didn't understand the gravity of it. Even when I became a part of the Good Omens fandom, realizing I am asexual, this stringent belief still didn't register with me (partly because the community was extremely nice and welcoming in 2019). It was still this background radiation to me.

Not after November 5th. Literally EVERYWHERE I went: YouTube comment sections, Twitter posts, even in the discord servers I was in, there was a sometimes ambivalent, sometimes malicious, but consistent undercurrent of negativity about it. Every other day I saw comments ranging from "Castiel's confession wasn't romantic, he meant it as a friend/brother." to "Destiel shippers so so delusional for thinking that was romantic!". It wasn't in the background anymore, it was in my face, 24/7. And at first, I couldn't understand it. Why?

Because it was completely antithetical to everything I had known or believed about the world. I grew up a disney princess girl, believing that love was the most important thing known to humanity. I was always taught that to love another was the greatest gift of all. Expressing love, giving love to those who believe don't deserve it, shouldn't be instantly punished. This event, and the people denying it, it's all wrong. Castiel spoke his truth, was reprimanded for it, Dean was left not being able to even say anything back, and Misha along with the writer of the episode are telling us it was all romantic. Why couldn't Dean say anything at all? Why are people so vehemently denying it ever happened?

It was the bubble bursting. This perfect world, where outside of a few infrequent outliers, was ultimately kind to LGBTQ+ people, no longer existed. Suddenly, I understood. And I hated it. Every week was a constant series of microaggressions, of me having to debate with people who either didn't get it, or didn't want to, or both. It forced me to regularly ask the question: "Why is it such a crime for Dean to possibly like men and women? Why is it wrong in general to like both?"

And it was in asking that question to others that I slowly stopped directing the question unconsciously to myself. By fighting for the right to argue for Dean's bisexuality, I found my own. But it didn't feel like a happy occasion to me. At the time, It just made the entire situation all the more personal. It wasn't about other people suffering at the hands of people who are diametrically opposed to my core beliefs anymore. When bigots questioned Dean's right to be openly bisexual, it felt more and more like they were questioning MY right to be bi too. I shouldn't be allowed to want a complex, multilayered bi-character to whom I relate. I'm a delusional, mentally disabled, selfish person who should stop asking for more queer representation.

And that continued for months. Until slowly, I found other outlets. I found Hannibal, then Our Flag Means Death. I found media that told me it was okay. That being bisexual, being asexual was okay. Asking for more, better queer representation was not only fine but necessary. I shouldn't have to settle for scraps anymore.

Not only that, but the entire situation in a way gave me a new drive. It gave me a goal and a greater drive to my writing, and my activism than I had before. Before I was doing writing projects that were mostly rewrites, how to take a Movie, TV show, or video game story and make it better. In the wake of Nov. 5th, I began plotting out a rewrite of Supernatural, a Fix-It if you will. But it didn't feel like my previous projects, It felt like I was giving a happy ending to Dean and Cas. And I've now taken that attitude into all of my writing projects.

I became more active in my learning about LGBTQ history, in both films and in real life. I learned about Stonewall, The Hay's Code, and so much more in that time. I started going to pride events, and being more open about topics of sexuality and gender in college, embracing the LGBTQ community and not just passively observing/ignoring them.

Do I wish things could've gone differently? Absolutely yes. There were times during that half of 2021 when I felt so lost, where I thought proper good representation was impossible. I felt hopeless and struggled a lot mental health-wise. But I'm better now. I feel more self-assured and certain of who I am. I took the lessons I learned: There's nothing wrong with wanting or seeing Dean Winchester as a bisexual man.

And now, 3 years later, I look back on the entire ordeal, not as a fresh wound, but as a valuable scar. A reminder of how far I have come, and how far I still need to go. Misha and Bobo Barens fought tooth and nail to let Castiel be seen, and so must I.

So thanks Dean and Cas for the life lessons, and I hope one day you both do get to reunite and say all of the words you weren't allowed to say.

[valleydean]

❣️❣️❣️tag! you're it in the self rec game! fic writers dont talk about their wonderful writing enough, so recommend your 5 favorite fictions written by YOU and tell us what you love about the fics or the process of writing them, then tag or send this question to 5 of your favorite fic writers to keep the game going❣️❣️❣️

ooh this is awesome. thank you, anon. i will always take an opportunity to talk about Me.

Gotta be the Heavyweight series first, because i'm currently posting part 3 of it and i want people to read it lol. this one kinda snuck up on me because i didn't expect it to take over my brain when i was writing part 1 - and i never expected to make it into a series. i just kinda like taking the worst parts of dean and cas' personality traits and running with them. to be like "they're awful but they love each other anyway and they're perfect for each other." it's been fun, but i do sometimes say to myself "i can't believe this level of asshole is living somewhere inside of me." like i think i've become more arrogant since i started writing this series??? but i love writing fight scenes so it's been great to write a story about boxing.

Raise the Black. my favorite fic i've ever written. it wrote itself lmao. it's the first au concept i ever came up with like.... over a decade ago. and i just never wrote it. it kinda became the super secret fic that i would tell myself in my head as i was falling asleep, and i do miss dreaming about it now that it's all out and over. but at the same time, it changed a lot over the years and the show and characters grew and expanded, so it's cool to have a finished product for the story.

The Shawnee Trail. this one kept me sane during the first year of covid. i love westerns. it's my favorite genre. and i always wanted to write one, but i never really had the time to dedicate to it until lockdown. i thought i'd be nightmare while writing it because it had to be Perfect, but i was actually in a good mood the whole time. it was sooooo fun to write! i've never had a better time writing a story as i did with this one. i do need to write more westerns.

Redux. the season 16 i wrote out of spite for the ending of the show. started working on it on november 20th, 2020. it gave me a lot of closure, in a way. i just love these characters so much so i wanted to give them a happy ending. they deserve it, i deserve it. i'm glad i could give it to them in some small way. writing this really helped me work through my emotions and grief about the end of the show.

I can't really decide between Castiel Novak's Office, This is Dean and my horror series (which is multiple fics, so i guess that disqualifies the series lol). Cas Novak's Office is basically my diary, and whenever people say "omg this is the best dean characterization i've ever read" it freaks me the fuck out because these are just my innermost thoughts that i've never told another soul hahahah. and the horror series is just fun! i put one out every year around halloween and they're usually my favorite fics to write. i love writing horror. i look forward to it every year.

i know a lot of people will probably be surprised that a ghost story isn't on this list but ??? idk. in a way, that fic will always be special to me and it's definitely the one i'm most known for, but to be honest it's not in my top 5 list of favorites sorry

[valesyn]

Introduction

Greetings, fellow traveler. I figured it’s time for me to introduce myself. 

You can call me Valesyn. Obsessions on this blog? Supernatural, Baldur’s Gate 3, Twenty one Pilots

I finished Supernatural recently, and I have been emotionally wrecked. I’m a Cas fan, but I love all of TFW. They all hold a super special place in my heart, and each one of them means something else to me. (I’m not a shipper of anything)

For BG3 I am 100% a Wyll supporter. Again though, that doesn’t mean I dislike any camp companions!

I absolutely adore seeing other people’s art (any kind! Drawing, painting, writing, ect.), so if you make something and want to show someone, feel free to mention me so I can see it <3.

Also, if you just want to rant about anything too, (a spn episode, your favorite character and why, your OC, ect), my messages should be open! I do write too, I’m on both fanfiction.net and Ao3 under the same name, Valesyn. (Here's the fanfiction link: Valesyn)

I’ve got two works right now, one in progress (I am so slow, and I am so sorry).

Fading Light- Summary: He should never have thought that all he had done could be forgiven, glossed over and forgotten. The reality of it all was that forgiveness wasn't what he deserved. OR In the aftermath of the confrontation with Dean, Castiel finds himself grappling with overwhelming emotions of rejection, self-doubt and remorse. (Set immediately after the events of S9 E3) (COMPLETED)

Blood Red Ink- Summary: As Castiel grapples with the burden of Sam's Hell visions, his sanity begins to crumble, blurring the lines between reality and delusion. An encounter with Lucifer was a given, however a lot more than the Devil visit Castiel. But how do you determine what’s really in front of you, and what is just in your head? It doesn’t help that a dark book holds a pull over Castiel, its pages whispering secrets and driving him deeper into the abyss of his fractured mind. (Set after the events of S7 E17) I think that wraps it up for now. Feel free to talk to me, and remember that you are loved; there’s a place for you.

[dothwrites]

'our father who aren't in heaven' is sure a buckleming episode! fifty thousand characters, at least ten subplots, and somehow, entertaining in spite of it.

i AM furious at dean "not knowing" the achilles heel reference. this is a man who canonically reads homer and who is interested in movies like clash of titans. this is a cheap "hurr hurr dean is stupid" joke made at his expense and i will NOT stand for this 'dean is stupid' slander

the scene where everyone is watching donnatello translate the tablet is so ridiculous that it is entertaining. (additionally how much is on that demon tablet? there's been about twenty different pieces of information on that tablet. how did they find room for it?)

"if you want to stay here then stay here" said to cas when cas' love language is the phrase "i could go with you". dean is still so BRUTAL here and it's still so painful.

at least in the fight with charlie's demonic angels, EVERYONE is getting their ass kicked. "are any of us winning" is a line that has no business being as funny as it is

ROWENA! MY LOVE! MY GREATEST LOVE! queen of hell is actually the perfect character arc for her. it is so fitting. we also love rowena as a relationship counselor. dean and cas both say "it's fine" like "i love him; talk to HIM". and rowena says "fix it" like it's the easiest thing in the world (and you know what? it could be!). it just kills me HOW MUCH attention was given in the divorce arc to dean and cas' relationship and how integral to the show it was. and then in the last bit of the show it is DROPPED! like a hot potato!

jake abel looked at misha and jensen and said "i do not NEED a coworker; i will have extraordinary chemistry with MYSELF" and then proceeded to do exactly that. but seeing jake abel on my spn screen again after ten years was DELIGHTFUL.

this conversation between dean and sam is why i do not UNDERSTAND this idea that "dean wouldn't want sam to be with someone who was in the life". dean is so openly supportive of sam's relationship with eileen, and he GENUINELY enjoys her company. why is there the idea that dean doesn't support their relationship????

castiel's eyes should ALWAYS flash blue! i also enjoyed the idea of cas being the one to pray to michael for a meeting. and then "i didn't come to beg" like! what a fucking POWER MOVE. my GOD! cas and michael share a lot of good moments in this episode, and it's fun to think about cas, who is this insignificant seraph, finally catching michael's attention.

cas baiting michael into snapping... the BALLS on this angel are unbelievable. but he knows it's the only way he's going to get close enough to michael to make him see the truth! he's so smart! "we didn't bond" whoever told cas that he wasn't funny is a DAMN LIAR. and dean is STILL second-guessing cas! he's still criticizing cas' choices and how he chooses to go about things. annoying!

love how things like getting in and out of purgatory become so ridiculously simple in the later seasons. cas and crowley spend an entire season trying to find purgatory and in s15, michael snaps his fingers and BAM! there it is.

"since when do we get what we deserve" i am WEAK. i know that rich said that the glance to cas wasn't necessarily intentional but it still FEELS intentional.

[juniperhillpatient]

Supernatural - 3, 9, 13, 22

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr?

what you need to know is that supernatural was genuinely the singular autistic focus of my entire existence to an extreme most people can’t actually understand like. I didn’t just “like it an annoying amount.” It WAS my life for… several of my teen years.

so…. coming up with one specific bad take I remember clearly is not as easy as you might think

also. I’m probably romanticizing it in my head but I feel like the supernatural fandom is mostly chill? the show itself is insane but I don’t remember getting upset by the fandom so much as… the actual downward spiral of the show itself?

I think the worst take I can think of is people who think the later seasons are the best or that you can skip any part of the early seasons lol

9. worst part of canon?

the thing is that this question deserves a 10 hour deep dive video essay to explore it 💀 & I could probably be the one to do it but… I don’t feel like it

So I’ll just say this - the first 5 seasons were connected in a meaningful way & all Going Somewhere.

the ultimate premise of the show? 2 brothers on a road trip to hunt supernatural creatures? It DID have the promise to go on longer even if it was never going to always match the quality of that beautifully written original story.

but making it bigger & bigger & leaning harder & harder into the Christianity of it all was the opposite of the direction to go if the intention was to push for as many seasons as possible.

I would’ve happily watched the brothers hunt random cryptids & obscure myths in random backwoods American towns for 30+ years but they lost the thread. it’s the marvelification & Christianity taking over. everything must be bigger & brighter & Christianity must be at the center of it all.

13. worst blorboficiation?

No because you don’t understand I was JUST thinking about this. Sam, Dean & YES Castiel (I complain about the Angel demon focus in later seasons but if they were gonna continue post season 5 they def could’ve still found ways to include Castiel without letting the god stuff take over entirely. side note I actually like the leviathan plot. I didn’t say I hated ALL things from the later seasons. I did watch it all obsessively after all) were SUCH beautifully written characters.

I’m referencing what I see as the 3 leads but also, Meg, Lucifer, Gabriel, Ruby, Ellen, Jo, Charlie, Crowley, Rowena, Bobby & plenty of others (I just typed some of my beloved off the top of my head) —- Supernatural has AMAZING & compelling characters. The entire thing that drew me in initially was how very real the cast felt.

But unfortunately a combination of fandom & canon made these characters into more ideas than complex beloved characters. They became icons & gods instead of beloved relatable flawed characters I could imagine myself as. I’m not sure if that makes any sense to anyone else but that’s where Supernatural started losing its appeal for me personally.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores?

I’m seeing a resurgence in early fans lately especially since I’ve been posting about it but literally I fucking LOVE just Sam & Dean on the road dealing with their daddy issues finding random classic myths & legends doing research & dealing with personal conflict as they hunt ghosts 👻

thank you SO Much for playing along 🫶

(Choose violence)

[uh-ohspaghettio]

Favorite castiel episodes!

Oh man oh man *lists every single episodes he’s in*

Ok but if I have time narrow down I think my favorite Cas episode would be 8x08 Hunteri Heroici because that just has some of the most iconic Cas lines but at the same time we get a lot of characterization from him in my opinion

I of course love 4x01 Lazarus Rising because hello best character introduction ever and what’s the matter *head tilt* you don’t think you deserve to be saved. Like cmon absolutely iconic

Just like season 4/5 Cas in general is just so iconic cause that’s when he’s especially awkward but also so badass

I know this is technically leviathans but I totally have a thing for the episodes with leviathan!cas like misha absolutely served cunt with that one

I love love 8x17 goodbye stranger- I love his interactions with Meg they’re so cute and oh my god the crypt scene with Dean I will literally never be normal about that

I love his and Jack’s dynamic so I really love that episode 15x15 Gimme Shelter where they’re just on a literal homicide case and the dilfstiel content is just top notch

I could keep going but I’ll force myself to stop but like episodes are 10x better for me when Cas is there

[mlobsters]

supernatural s14e2 gods and monsters (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)

updated my post on 14x01 with my kind of derpy revelation:

!! omg lol i just reread my 13x23 with my whole “can’t kill michael now that he’s wearing dean” is that the whole reason we get pellegrino back as nick, so we can find out that archangel blades don’t kill the vessel?? 😂

the very fancy apron and a knife that reminded me of the linoleum knife in hannibal mizumono for a hot second 🥴 (his is a karambit, i think) he looks good, again. and without the flat cap he doesn't look so much like he's cosplaying the 20s.

CAS And, you need me to stay here and babysit Nick and Jack. SAM It’s not babysitting, Cas. CAS Only in the sense that they’re not infants, but they both have to be supervised. Jack is lost without his grace, Nick is…he’s just a mess. SAM Well, it-it’s not his fault. Cas, Nick was housing, you know. He-he deserves a shot at rebuilding his life. CAS And yet every time I look at him, all I can see is the supreme agent of evil.

sam thinkin (what with the presumed cage torture while wearing that face) if i can do it, you can give it the old college try too

NICK I just don’t know what kind of pain would make me allow Lucifer to possess me.

it's like therapy for cas too. but this is the part where you tell him how luci exploited your desire to fix the problem of amara (??) at any risk or whatever and let him possess you too

BOBBY I’ve been fighting a friggin’ apocalypse for 15 years, my, FBI might be a little rusty.

cute. i never quite connected with bobby but it is kind of nice to have jim beaver around (even if i think the whole reunion tour of the past couple seasons is kind of ridiculous). and appreciate the confirmation of the timeline, 15 years is a lot but also not a lot. did mary get the ice caps are melting speech too because she probably needed it more than those guys -_-

can i also take a moment to say how the longer it goes on, the more goofy castiel wearing an outdoor coat indoors at all times is to me? lol. and i've heard actors talk about how it can be tiring to always be in the same costume. years and years of a trench coat...

CAS Yes, I do - a little. At the time of the Great Fall, when angels were banished from heaven, I lost what I thought was everything. I had no grace, I had no wings. I felt hopeless and useless. JACK What did you have left? CAS Well, uh..well, I had Sam and Dean. But I had something else that was extremely helpful. I had myself. Just the basic me, as, uh…as Dean would say, without all the bells and whistles. You know, Sam and Dean, they weren’t born with their expertise. They’ve been at it since they were children. Failing, winning, developing over the years. Patience, persistence - those are skills too. The past, where you come from, that’s important, but it is not as important as the future and where you’re going.

cas is on a roll. therapize it up, my guy! and i kind of like this pointing out how sam and dean got to where they are

oh so now dean gets to have a moment in the mirror with michael like sam did with lucifer in 5x22 (glad it didn't last long)

DEAN (in mirror) GET…OUT. MICHAEL I don’t think so. DEAN You can’t. MICHAEL Oh, but I can. Because, see… I own you. So hang on, and enjoy the ride.

i guess archangels don't have to follow the rules of possession. i'm not sure it's even a rule? who knows. but i know at least specifically with gadreel there was the whole, if sam knows about him, he can eject him. oh right, no one could dump lucifer either, duh. lol

well that was genuinely startling and creepy, nick trying to snap castiel out of existence

those are some truly unfortunate monster teeth

NICK Castiel, you’re just a stone cold body snatcher. You’re no different than Lucifer.

again singing the praises of mark pellegrino, he totally sells this. bringing some of the creeping dread of lucifer into this character too

CAS You know, in all my thousands of years, what happened to Jimmy Novak and his family are my greatest regret.

i recall when they finally decided to have some moral quandary over the jimmy novak situation, it felt too little too late to me. and for a second i was like right, jimmy dead. jimmy's wife dead. what about claire... oh right! we know what claire (and her glorious hair) are up to, and not dead

MICHAEL I admire you. Eating on the run, surviving, despite being stalked by those venal humans, who think of you as nothing but vermin.

this is the most ridiculous explanation. just say you hate humans, lucifer 2.0

similar to how they finally addressed the trauma of cas taking jimmy away from his family in whatever, s10, jack visiting kelly's parents and addressing how she just disappeared and they don't even know she's dead (which is just heartbreaking as a parent, to consider.) the show, past the first couple seasons, rarely takes the time to follow that thread through. this was well done but it's hard for me not to see it as a play for emotion and give jack something human connection-y to do

two things. 1) there's a little hint of the like. cliche film noir jazzy saxophone or whatever in the score when michael is standing up saying the "why do you think i let you escape" line and i find it just. well. it's something. what era are we going for here exactly. i mean, matches her apartment vibe too but not with michael in his 20s-ish getup :p b) i'm glad jackles is laying off the funky speech cadence he had for michael in 14x01, it's a little different in spots but not So Much

(this is a christopher lennertz and philip white for music episode)

laughing at this framing. let us gaze upon the defunct telescope while they sit on the edges of the weird step things

JACK Cas, Michael has to be stopped. CAS I know, and he will be - after Dean is- JACK No, Dean doesn’t matter. You’re all so focused on trying to save Dean and I get it, I understand, but - if he can’t be saved, if it comes down to him or Michael - Michael has to be stopped. Caged, or killed- CAS And if that means that Dean dies too? JACK Then Dean dies. I know this Michael. I’ve seen what he’s done to an entire world, and so have you. If stopping that from happening here means that Dean has to die, then …. Do you think he’d want it any other way?

LOL what! wow. jack doesn't subscribe to the winchester let the world burn if it means i get to save my brother worldview. which, very reasonable. but i'm not sure why jack of all people is bringing this up to cas right now. sounds more like... something bobby should be saying? not like jack knows them all that much better than au bobby does

even if i think this nick plotline is unnecessary and silly, pellegrino is killin it. he's so good at being creepy!

objectively very pretty shot but i still laughed

do they have any sort of angel detection system? dial a friend (angel) to take a look at him?

nick going full darkside and bashing the neighbor's skull in was a choice.

trying to sum up my viewing experience of the later seasons, i'm gonna borrow from our friend will graham: "You delight. I tolerate." i'm trying not to be an asshole and complain all the time, i want to enjoy it when i can. but i find it pretty challenging.