#i just think he deserves some closure u know

[tboysteve]

god the nancy steve break up is so tragically unsatisfactory like girl u just gonna cheat on ur bf and then never mention it and just stand there when he tells u he's been a shitty boyfriend even tho in the scheme of things he really hasn't as he offers to babysit ur little brother and his friends from demogogs

[bonefall]

if u put owlnose’s deputy position certificate in the shredder (rightfully) can u at least give him like.. ‘real’ closure. a nice little bow on his arc. him being happy and ok with himself

Oh yeah entirely, no question. My ideal arc for BB!Owlnose is that, as Icestar, Frostdawn, and her little DND Party come together to start to consider where RiverClan goes from here, Owlnose does something... steady in the background. Like a sign that things are going to be okay.

There's always going to be some people who blame him for the direction RiverClan went in. They project fantasies of how he could have "saved" the Clan they knew if he stepped up, or blame him in some way for how it fell apart... but his wisdom is that it was exactly that sort of power worship that broke the old RiverClan.

"This is silly," he purrs, paw brushing the brand new, tanned leather surface of his owlface drum, "but I think a Clan's like a song."

He gives a little pause to let Frostdawn chuckle. She deserves it, after everything.

Owlnose continues while batting the drum in soft tempo to his words, "one-two, three-four, ul-arra. It's only a beat until it is complete, then it's a rhythm."

Frostdawn's smile is lopsided, loving but tired. "Uncle, only you could play an owlface like a lullaby and make philosophy as heavy as stones."

"You know it!" He hummed, changing his tune to a proper lullaby. An old one he'd been playing for her since Jayclaw left for StarClan. Her tongue got sharper every day and every minute she sounded more like her mother, but this wasn't the time for that.

He was just a beat for her rhythm right now, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

[riririnnnn]

I think it's just human nature to think about the unknown more than the known—whenever I think about the Itoshi brothers, my mind is clouded by Sae.

Sae this.

Sae that.

Rin rarely goes across my mind and whenever he does, my train of thoughts become rather emotional.

I have written quite a long posts about theories related to Sae, but never once in those moments I ever wondered what will be Rin's reaction to Sae's backstory.

Looking at the way his eyes softened with hope—the way he went back to being a little brother for a split second when Sae approached him after the U-20 match was over, I think he might understand what Sae went through in Spain. Rin has already (maybe) figured out why Sae called him lukewarm, so he is halfway out there, but..

But, no, you know.

Just, no.

No.

I don't.

I don't want Rin to forgive Sae.

No matter how mind numbing was the kind of pain Sae suffered in Spain, Rin didn't deserve any of that unkindness. Yes, yes, Sae was a kid in Spain, but so was Rin in Japan.

Rin saw his brother's dreams and named it as his.

Maybe I see too much of myself in Rin's character that I tend to try finding some kind of solace in his story.

Maybe I don't want him to forgive his sibling because I forgave mine—maybe it's just me yearning for closure.

[dreams-of-beloveds]

HORIKOSHI WHEN I CATCH YOU HORIKOSHI

why in the fuck were we left on cliffhanger for the end of season 7. i’m so- i don’t even know how to feel right now, because i wasn’t even expecting us to be left on cliffhanger, and THE NEXT SEASON DOESNT EVEN COME UNTIL AUTUMN R U KIDDING ME how am i supposed to cope?!?? sure i still have the ova’s and the films left to watch bUT STILL MAN I FEEL SO EMPTY RIGHT NOW DAMMIT

god i have so much to say about season 7—not only was watching the todoroki family the most devastating thing ive ever witnessed—their family history is so intricately tangled and i really wonder if touya is still alive (i haven’t read the manga, i hope he is, and i don’t wanna read it online dammit) i want to see them come to a proper closure so bad i need them to be okay with each other even if endeavor isn’t forgiven (which is honestly valid) i want this family-against-touya-to-protect-everyone-else situation to bring them together in some way dammit!

and then we had the togachako moment. oh lord. oh lord i love them, they’re so—yeah sure i see them as a queer ship, but god fucking dammit after hikimo finally came to accepting her smile and her way of showing love being “normal” because of ochaco’s words and coming to the conclusion that all she ever needed was to “give blood like how she wanted to have someone else’s” HIMIKO BETTER NOT BE DEAD DAMMIT DONT TELL ME THAT CONFESSION MIDAIR AND THE SHARING HIMIKO’S BLOOD TO KEEP OCHACO ALIVE WAS ALL FOR NOTHING

oh god and fucking hawks. oh jesus. i wasn’t expecting his quirk to be taken completely. i honestly have no idea what his ending holds, but god dammit i hope he’s alive, i know his worst fear was getting his quirk taken when that’s what made him “the best” in the first place because he was literally groomed to become a hero due to his quirk despite growing up around villains, i can’t imagine how he’d be feeling—but fuck, fuck the burden he must’ve carried for having to kill bubaigawara even though he didn’t want to, he just found a genuine friend when working undercover and yet, he almost had to face the wrath of the sad man’s death legion through himiko oh man i couldn’t stand seeing him just,, fall, after everything

all might, oh, all might. this man is in his 50s and yet still can’t let his work go can he? this damn workaholic. but seeing him with his support items all including his students quirks 🥹💔 this man adores his students so much, if he doesn’t fucking stay alive after defeating afo i’m gonna fucking riot, RIOT I TELL YOU i sure fucking hope this isn’t the ending nighteye had foreseen about all might’s death because i swear to god, hell i fucking know nighteye would’ve been so mad seeing all might go into that war against afo quirkless with only support items he would’ve been MAD AND YK WHAT SO AM I BITCH SO HE BETTER COME OUTTA THIS ALIVE

and hell we don’t even know what the situation with aizawa, present mic and kurogiri is??? WHAT HAPPENS I NEED TO KNOW I NEED THEM ALIVE i don’t fucking know if shirakumo ever comes back, he was dead to begin with, i don’t think he’s gonna but damn can aizawa and hizashi get the closure they deserve? thats all i want for them, for them to be able to work alongside shirakumo’s “soul” one last time and have some form of closure dammit

and well, i left bakugo katsuki at the end of this fucking rant because i need him alive. i remember seeing so many damn parallels of kudo—and how his expression in afo’s hands looked so defeated, as if he was ready to die for yoichi, meanwhile katsuki, fucking bakugo katsuki, he’s not ready to die, yes he fucking moved through that pain to blast one last move in shigaraki’s face knowing there was a possibility of not making it but GOD DAMMIT I DOUBT HE WANTS TO LEAVE IZUKU BEHIND NOT YET and him fucking talking to all might’s vestige. god i genuinely was bawling so much. the voice, the expression, god just looked so, so vulnerably soft which he’s never let himself before, except for when he apologises to izuku to bring him back to UA. but god fuck, how- what- HOW DO I COPE Y’ALL HELP ME SOMEONE TALK TO ME IM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

there’s so much fucking more i could yap about right now but it’s 1:15 am, my hands are hurting, my eyes are burning from crying so much after it ended, and my brain is dead. i can’t do this man

P.S. as someone who holds too much emotional intelligence and is studying psych, you can never make me hate any villain because i will always understand their pain too well, even if i don’t justify certain actions

[eternalmink]

Don't believe chellyscatbox/iychodon/zinzo's "apology"

In the first sentence, chelly says it will explain how it will make up for its actions, yet it never does nor does it ever even say it will never do these things again(besides keeping tabs, which that's the bare minimum. It never says it won't continue sexual harassment) This may sound like nitpicking, but it's because these things are all stuff that chelly has done multiple times. Some things it still does even after supposedly "apologizing". One example being sexualizing people it's mad at (calling them names or slurs or talking about their privates) or invading their privacy and boundaries("accidentally" stumbling upon people's nsfw accounts).

Not to mention it tries to downplay its actions in the document as well. "no physical action happened during this encounter, therefore it classifies as cyber sexual harassment, not sexual assault as that is something physical."

"but he isn't exactly innocent either as he has fakeclaimed us and has used one of our alters to the point he became semi-verbal along with other allegations which we will not discuss in this doc." This is supposed to be an apology and an explanation, yet chelly itself admits it doesn't go over everything.

"all of me either being really mentally unstable or having psychotic/manic episodes and taking them out on people. because you see, i can't think rationally when i have episodes like these, and i can't track them either. but even then i fully take accountability for my actions. " just because it says it'll take accountability (it doesn't even say how) doesn't make this "apology" any less awful. It just sounds like it's using disorders and mental illness as an excuse yet again.

Also, the stuff here is only a few months old. There are also things that chelly simply just did not go over, either.

Once again, chelly sexualizing people it dislikes, and the person in question is triggered by things like this too. When chelly deleted it, it apologized to its followers for having to see this. Not the person being spoken of.

Notice how chelly gets defensive for being called out instead of apologizing as well. If it's really sorry, why react like this to being caught?

If it has really changed as a person, why does everyone continue to get the hell away from it?

If it has really changed, why does it keep doing these things? Why does it keep needing chance, after chance, after chance?

i doubt I need to explain this but: chelly confesses to someone it doesn't even know whether or not has a partner, proceeds to lash out them.

This was a private thing, yes, but it still wasn't addressed anywhere as if it never happened and makes it seem like chelly only apologizes for things it actually gets in trouble for.

Chellys words underlined above contradict stuff in the doc

To this day it is still in denial that it can't use the n word. Its own brother said it couldn't use it during call.

There's still more that will never even be put here because its victims have left the internet, and the ones that haven't— as said in the doc— don't want to be bothered anymore. And most of that is because Chelly will never be able to provide the proper closure they all deserve, and they know it.

Chelly says it wants to move on and do better, but it's said that before and now look where it is. It's had so many chances. All the way since 2021. Three years. It's had three years, yet it expects us to believe it has changed within the past few months.

Not only is this so called apology garbage, it lacks sincerity.

[hearts401]

I honestly hate how the fandom treats Michael as a hero and I'm seeing posts about it so I feel a liiiittle better talkign about it

my moots are holding back, i can tell. but hes my favorite so im not. and im a little pissed writing this bc. bc i relate to cc a lot. and seeing ppl mischaracterize not only my favorite character but also someone who reminds me of people who fucking suck drives me INSANE.

so psa, im pissed as fuck and i love michael afton.

First off, he killed Evan. That's obvious. Not only was that literall 100% his fault (NOT WILLIAMS IT PISSES ME OFF WHEN PPL MAKE THAT ALL ABOUT WILLIAM SHUT THE FUVCK UP

he was a bully. yeah he was a kid. yeah he was messing with him. Have you considered he was literally. abusive to his brother. i know the fnaf fandom is scared of using that word to describe him but its fucking true. he was abusive. as fuck. that was awful what he did he wasnt just a bully he harassed him and literally locked him in his room. he was fucking horrible.

and yeah, he didnt mean for that to happen, but not only was that stupid as fuck, i hate any interpritation of "he wanted to be like his dad" "his friends coerced him" PLAY FNAF 4. PLAY FNAF 4. FUCKING PLAY FNAF 4 LOOK AT HIS DIALOGUE AND WHAT HE DOES

HE LITERALLY. EGGED IT ON. IT WAS HIS FUCKING IDEA. WHAT PART OF THAT GAVE "he was coerced" THUSHFUDFUDSIOFDUSOFDSIOS

im trying to be normal

Yeah he probably felt like shit after. yeah it probably was some sort of motivator behind his actions. but lets think. lets think.

fnaf 1 and 2 take place before SL, no? So. if thats true. why didnt he burn those down? to "free the souls?" because it was never about the children.

he burned down the fnaf 3 location to get rid of william. it was ALWAYS abotu william. sure he set the kids free but i reeeeaaallyy dont think that was his intention. it was always about william.

in sister location, did he go there out of the kindness of his heart? no he went there because william asked him too. it was ALWAYS about william. and yeah he probably wanted to help liz, he probably really wanted to help her, but based on his actions, was this really for her? or was it for closure

thats something about michael that i put in shitty brother. closure. he didnt actually want to reconcile with his family, he wanted closure on the guilt he felt. is that 100% wrong? no. its normal to want closure, especially after something like that. but also that should not be his goal

did he apologize? yes. he said sorry. he felt bad, sure. but when you kill someone tehy dont come back. evan deserves to never forgive him ever because that was dumb as fuck and HORRIBLE. IT WAS HORRIBLE. ABUSIVE. ILL SAY IT AGAIN

MICHAEL AFTON ABUSED HIS LITTLE BROTHER FOR NO FUCKING REASON.

yeah. abused. say it with me. A-B-U-S-E-D

not just bullied, not just harassed, ABUSED.

ik we're all scared to say it here but its fucking true. say it with ur chest.

this always came back to william. do i thinkk michael is unfeeling and doesnt care about his siblings at all? NO! I think his siblings drove a lot of his actions. but in the end i dont think he always acted with their best interest at heart. or the mci kids'

and the whole "he wanted to be like his dad" i dont fucking care actually. no seriously sit down beside me and tell me that wanting to be like his dad is an excuse for abusing his brother. seriously come closer i wont bite.

tell me how you think that AS A TEENAGER, 100% AWARE OF HIS ACTIONS, that wanting to be like his dad justifies abusing his little brother. his little brother. who as far as we know, never lashed out, never fought back, never did anything to him. tell me how he fucking deserved that

"Michael was just a kid!" so was Evan. So was Elizabeth. So was Cassidy and Charlie and all the kids who died.

tell me how much michael did that didnt revolve around closure and his father. like i get it, he had priorities, but can we please stop acting like he's some angel working for the greater good of everyone.

it feelslike how ppl treat fucking henry. NO HES NOT A GOOD PERSON PLEASE

MICHAEL IS SELFISH HE'S MESSY HE'S STUPID. HE MAKES BAD CHOICES IN FAVOR OF HIMSELF HE PRIORITIZES REVENGE OVER THE GREATER GOOD HE HURTS PEOPLE AND IT MAKES HIM SO MUHC MORE INTERESTING

oh and also in case anybody wants to pull dittophobia out and tell me how mike went thru that trauma

so did evan. and instead of bonding over that trauma, michael harassed him. ABUSED HIM. wording is important. im sorry for repeating myself so much, but nobody ever tells it how it is. it was abuse.

edit: People seem upset by my wording and honestly? fair. i couldve worded this a lot better but i was tired and irritated and one thing i will clarify

i dont care if u dont see adult michael the way i do. i see him as a selfish obsessive guy whos intent is to fix his family, but plenty of people see it differently and thats okay! /gen

but im not taking back anythign i said about teen michael. because i think to do that is unfair to his character and frankly bullshit. i think its bullshit. and i dont care if you disagree. he was a terrible brother and thats that

but adult mike is free real estate idk idrc abt him as much as teen mike.

[huenation]

try again / cyj

word count: 2,172

genre: angst, comfort, friends to exes to friends to lovers

warnings: self deprecative jokes, heavy on the mutual pining, bad household, and that moment when u don’t know who u are XD (happens to us all <3)

synopsis: the line of being friends and in love got messy with your past breakup but in your case, was it ever really there if you’ve both never stopped loving each other? ★ prompt addition

soundtrack: try again by jaehyun, d.ear

“thanks.” yeonjun says looking directly at you though you don’t meet his eyes, too caught in making sure the cup of hot chocolate you give him doesn’t spill. you smile and settle down adjacent to him, missing the way he watches you even if it’s so briefly. he glows just about every time he looks at you but considering it’s been years since you’ve allowed yourselves to be romantic towards one another (since the breakup), you always miss it. that, and you’re also oblivious.

“so, you wanted to talk?” contrary to the casualness of your tone, you’re actually so anxious you could throw up. yeonjun’s wide smile falters, glow in his eyes following, and he sets his drink down beside him he’s also filled with anxiety.

“yeah, i do,” he pauses. “i think we should continue our chat from the other night, and i also know you want to talk, y/n.”

oh yeah. that one.

one would think that after years that a past relationship would not be on the forefront of your mind and your heart but it was. you never really felt like you could move on, always missing closure and never having stopped loving yeonjun. but you kept that part to yourself, feeling like he would be much better off with someone else even if you’re past that hurdle in your life that had brought you two to separate in the first place (among other things).

it was a fun night out at a busy cafe, in a circular booth with your friends. yeonjun had gone to go order a pastry but came back, frantic, asking for advice or what he should say to someone he thought was super and had been in line behind him, unsure of how to go about showing his interest.

in response, like you always do, you joked about he came to the worst people for advice since you and all your friends are currently single. beomgyu just laughed along, the others adding on other reasons that were mainly comedic value.

that is until the next thing you said. well, the other guys giggled, too, since you both only ever referred to your failed relationship with jokes, or rather you did. it was just a thing that you hardly ever took things seriously, so happy go lucky and keeping things lighthearted even if most of your jokes orbited your self deprecation (within reason — you had plenty of other content for your jokes).

you joked about the most confounding evidence as to why he shouldn’t ask you for dating advice; he had dated you and you broke up with him.

in between stirring around some of his foam at the bottom of his drink, kai asked, “oh yeah, why did you guys break up? it’s been so long.” you snorted, shaking the ice of your drink. “guys, be for real, obviously, i’m obviously just the weird detour you take before you find the right person you wanna be with. you could have a real shot with this person.”

“okay but — ” you were giggling still. “when you guys get married, i’ll be able to thank myself for being at my worst then.

yeonjun scowled at that. “why?” all the other’s conversations seemed to happen around the two of you, distracted by something else.

“‘cause. you deserved better then and maybe this’ll be the person you were deserving along. and i can finally tell myself that we broke up for a good reason.”

your voice had been so still and quiet, yeonjun’s heart shattering, while you ripped the lid off your plastic cup. so nonchalant. he stared at you for a moment before pushing off the table and taking a step back.

“that wasn’t helpful, y/n.” he had said quietly to you. you simply rolled your eyes playfully, lighthearted smile to balance, snickering along beomgyu and soobin to whatever they were bantering about. kai and taehyun on the other side had tossed out random tips that obviously didn’t work for them.

“come on, jun, you don’t need to worry. she’s obviously gonna like you.” you muttered nonchalantly, so confident that the distant shatter of your heart was out of sight and ear, even in the face of the man you’ve never stopped loving.

“i doubt it, but i guess, i’ll still try. better than nothing…” he said quietly.

“well, good luck, jun.” you told him dismissively while trying to get the remaining toppings to your iced drink, unseeing of the way yeonjun frowned as he walked away.

you only half remembered what you’d said that day. all that was positive was that you had said too much. yeonjun on the other hand had remembered everything.

“hey, you know what i just remembered? did that girl ever text you? ‘cause you guys did exchange phone numbers, right?” he blinks a few times, carefully watching your face, before he shakes his head. his pretty raven hair comes down almost to his shoulders, so much longer than the boyish trim look he’d had when you two dated. despite that much, you think he hasn’t changed one bit.

“well yeah, we did, but i never actually texted her.”

“oh.” an unsettled moment of silence falls between you two. you’re focused on a certain stain on the table below you guys.

“listen, y/n — ” he starts and you wince, already trying to dismiss him from initiating, even if it is rude to interrupt. “no, yeonjun, i think, no, i know we never really talked about why i ended things between us. and look, i know you… you respected my decision and understood me even if it was so sudden and over a reason i didn’t disclose entirely, but, oh god — “ he notices your eyes are welling with tears, a bitter but annoyed smile on your face because of it. he knows how much you hate showing your weakness, let alone being vulnerable.

his heart pounds in his chest. he would give anything so that you could stay smiling and happy, anything but this. this hurts. “i’m a different person now than i was then, and-and you deserve to know what happened.”

your voice breaks. yeonjun’s gripping on his (your) mug so tightly his knuckles are white, the cute little bow of his mouth shaking, eyes watering so enough to sting, his throat burns with the urge to bawl as you tell him.

because of everything going on in your house those few years ago, fragments of your family that got under your skin and poisoned you, the tortuous process of trying to leave, battling the old you and the new you, and the weight of everything else, including your new boyfriend (yours truly) and insecurities for being good for him, it’s easy to say you weren’t at a place to be in love, certainly with the people around you who made sure you felt like you didn’t deserve it either.

even though you were all friends for much longer before you got together, god knows you and yeonjun had been pining for one another for years, it became too much, knowing that things were getting too real.

you were at your lowest. yeonjun was always as sweet and caring to you as ever, but instead, his actions made you feel worse. you could hardly give him an ounce of what he deserved in return. if you had the energy to talk to him, it’d end in arguments that you walked away from, too tired to continue.

it seemed like it was time to close that chapter instead of prolonging the pain. you didn’t know who you were then. and you knew yeonjun deserved better than what you were giving him, even if you weren’t exactly be transparent.

years went on. neither of you ever really settled down, just little flings here and there that you’d support each other on, but none of those ever stayed. (he and you made no effort to make them stay…) you always joke about your relationship, since it was so long ago, about how failed it was and naive you were then. at first, yeonjun did joke about your failed relationship, but he couldn’t bring himself to — not when he had known that you really did love him and he certainly has never stopped loving you.

you disclose certain details but hide other specific ones, trying not to give away too much of the fact that you’re really a vulnerable thing who still hasn’t grown up after all these years. it’s a hard thing to keep up a facade that conceals the truth.

when the dust of it all settles, silence falling in the mix, he hears it first before he sees it: your tear drops on the table near your wringing hands. and like clockwork, they come to swipe them off like they were never there in the first place, but yeonjun stops you, speed before your very eyes register it, carding your face in his hand from his side on the table. he leans over his corner of your furniture like it’s nothing.

your eyes give you away.

the relief but tide of emotions feels second to letting yourself be hit by a wave, feelings that have been locked away for such a long time. at least a moment reveals so.

with a soft laugh, you drop your gaze with a sniffle and try to shrug him off, an attempt to pretend that didn’t happen. it’s all you can do not to cave in and admit the mess that you clearly are in front of him, especially when you feel his touch. but he doesn’t budge.

“i wish you wouldn’t do that.” his own voice betrays him, so unstable and choking up on him. you blink through the muddle of tears growing. “what?”

“think of yourself so lowly. you have so much importance and you mean so much to the people in your life. it has never and it will never matter which point you are in life, whether at you’re worst or best or in between, you will always be capable of being loved. you have never deserved anything less.”

he wishes he could add, ‘and i wanna make sure you know that’. in due time, he hopes. in due time.

you’re wetting his hand with your tears. your stomach is curling and curling, chest buzzing, lips fumbling as your body wrestles with the tide of wanting to bawl like a child.

yeonjun gently swipes the wetness on your cheeks, smiling sweetly, patiently, and so full of love. it breaks your heart a thousand times over than it did the first time when you’d broken up with him.

not once have you ever really stopped loving him.

“i wish you knew that… you didn’t have to prove that you’re worthy enough to be loved. you being you was enough for me. you being you is more than enough,” you let out a sound between a cry and yelp, one that shows exactly how crooked and darling your smile is even if tears stain your cheeks. “i‘m sorry i never said it enough, but i’ve been in love with you for so stupidly long.”

his thumb dares to brush so gently over the corner of your lips, just the way he used to do. his eyes skin across your face so carefully. his stomach twists once his mouth opens,

“so, cards out on the table, y/n, i wanna try again. i know it’s not my place to demand something like this from you, but… it’s how i feel,” you don’t say anything, blinking eyes meeting his, in beats of silence broken by shaky breaths and sniffles. he smiles again despite his nervousness. “and you don’t have to agree or anything. again, it’s just how i feel. i’d only want to try but if you do, too, for you to say yes when you’re ready.”

he fumbles with shutting down a ghost of ‘my love’ as an ending to his statement, like he always would say in the past. he can’t help it.

you give him a genuine smile, one that reaches your eyes, and one that he misses every single moment you spend not smiling. such proximity and joy trickles distant memories in colorful explosions behind your eyes in a kaleidoscope of nostalgia. a knowing look is exchanged between you, no words.

it speaks more than none that you understand him and are infinitely thankful. you say so through mouthed words. he nods slowly in acknowledgement. you can feel it down to the marrow of your bones…

oh, how you’ve missed him.

“okay, i’ll let you know when i’m ready, yeonjun. it won’t be that long, just so you know,” you say wetly, sniffling and clearing your thin voice. yeonjun smiles, too, for a change. remember when he didn’t used to smile so much? “i’ve been waiting my whole life to try again with you and even longer to let you know better that i love you, too.”

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. ࿐࿔

　　　.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　 　　 　　　　 ੈ✧̣̇˳·˖✶ ✦　　

note: i loveddddd this idea that was an addition on to my silly little prompt so badly you don’t even know 😭😭😭😭😭 it’s probably obvious but this was heavily inspired by certain plot details in ‘new girl’ shoutout to nick miller <3 (not sure if i should stick with this lowercase format or not… either way ~) tysm for reading!

[surftrips]

butterflies — part three.

pairing: rafe cameron x female reader

summary: after returning home from college for the summer, y/n runs into rafe cameron and the two form an unlikely relationship.

word count: 2043

a/n: little bit of a longer chapter, but i am having so much fun with this series! let me know what u think in the comments or my ask box :) masterlist.

You couldn’t believe what you were looking at on your phone screen.

Incoming call… Dylan.

Was your ex seriously calling you now, two months after the breakup? Weeks after you had begun spending nearly every single day with Rafe Cameron? 

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” Rafe asked, sensing the anxiety coming from your body. 

You two were sitting in his car on a particularly hot day trying to cool down when the sound of your ringtone interrupted the comfortable silence. 

“It- it’s Dylan,” you responded, voice shaking. 

“Dylan? Like Dylan, Dylan? Dylan, your ex?”

“Yeah, yeah. Like my ex, Dylan. What do I do?” 

“Don’t pick up. Nothing he says can be good.” 

Even though you were the one to break up with him, you admittedly had moments where you found yourself close to pressing on his contact in your phone and apologizing. Part of you wanted to make amends, the other part of you was screaming to move on. 

Rafe agreed with this other part of you. After you had told him specific details from your relationship and how he treated you, he wanted you far away from him. 

You two continued to sit in silence as you stared at your phone and waited for it to go to voicemail. 

“Do you think he’s leaving a message?” you asked.

“Who cares? Come on, let’s go get dinner somewhere.” 

You hesitatingly agreed, but as you pulled into the drive-thru of a local burger joint, you couldn’t help but feel disappointed at the lack of a notification alerting you that Dylan had left you a voicemail. 

I care, you thought. I care if he still cares about me. I loved him. 

—

Rafe dropped you off at your house a little after 11 pm. You waved him off and started to head inside. 

You walked upstairs to your bedroom, ready to take a shower and settle in for the night. 

However, as you were about to turn on the water, the familiar sound of your ringtone broke the silence for the second time that day. 

You looked down at your screen, heartbeat picking up at the words.

Incoming call… Dylan.

What do you do? Rafe had made it very clear he didn’t like the guy. But this guy was the same person you had spent the last year and a half with. Maybe he deserved some closure after you had left him so abruptly? 

Suddenly, all of the bad things he had done to you were irrelevant. You couldn’t seem to remember why you were unhappy with him in the first place.

So, you told yourself it must have been muscle memory that you hit the accept button and pressed your phone to your ear, eager to hear a familiar voice. 

“Y/N?” he said. 

“Dylan?” 

“I didn’t think you would pick up.”

“I didn’t think I would either. What’s going on?” 

“I just… uhm.” You heard him cough on the other side. “I just wanted to see how you were doing, that's all.” 

“Oh.” Rafe would kill me if he knew I was talking to you right now. “I’m alright, how’s your summer going?”

“Good, good. Pretty boring, actually.” 

You sighed. He was never a good communicator. Rafe was always straight to the point. You liked that about him.

“Dylan, what do you want?” 

“What, I can’t call my ex and ask her how she’s doing without having an ulterior motive?”

You could tell he said that as an attempt to lighten the mood, but you were in no such state to joke around with him. 

“No, not really, considering we didn’t end on the best terms.” 

He was silent for a moment. 

“Okay, fine. I was thinking we should get back together— and before you interrupt me and say no, hear me out.” 

“Dylan, are you serious right now?” 

“I said, hear me out! You said you broke up with me because I was too attached to you, right? I was too codependent or something?” 

When you didn’t respond right away, he continued. 

“Well, I think I can be better now. Now that I’m back at home, I’m a different person. I think school was just making me stressed and I feel like I wasn’t in the right state of mind to be in a relationship.” 

“What happens when we go back to school then? You’ll go back to your old ways?”

“No, Y/N. I know better now. Look, I’ve realized what I lost, okay? I’m not stupid, I know how lucky I was to have you. I know that I wasn’t the perfect boyfriend, but please, give me another chance. I promise I will be better.” 

Again, you were silent. 

“Y/N?” he said after a while. “You still there?” 

“Yeah, yeah. I just… don’t know what to say. I mean, I broke up with you, why would you want to get back together? I thought you would hate me or something.” 

“I could never hate you, love. You know that.” 

Shit. That name always worked on you. 

“Can you just give me some time to think about it?”

“Yes, yes of course,” he said, relief evident in his tone. “I love you, Y/N. You don’t have to say it back or anything, but I do. I always have.” 

After you hung up, you allowed your body to crash onto your bed. 

Oh my god, what am I doing? Am I seriously considering getting back together with my shitty ex-boyfriend? He can’t be serious about trying again? 

On the other hand, you didn’t feel like there were many options for you. Clearly, your fling with Rafe was not going to end up in a committed relationship before the end of the summer. And back at school, well, you felt very insecure. 

Dylan was your only chance at any sort of social life at Duke. Without him, you would probably be in your dorm room every night watching shitty romcoms and eating takeout. Being with Dylan made you feel special, he made you feel seen. 

You remember how hard it was to make friends when you started college. How you found yourself struggling to keep up with frat parties and sorority recruitments, always feeling one step behind everyone else. 

What would life be like when you got back to school in the fall? You were ashamed to realize that many of your friends were Dylan’s first, and none of them had hesitated to take his side in the breakup. 

And he did say that he loved you. No one outside of your family had ever said that to you, let alone show you any form of affection. All throughout high school you watched as all of your friends began dating people, wondering where you went wrong. Were you not deserving of love as well? 

Dylan was the first person to make you feel loved and supported. 

Oh god, I fucked up, didn’t I? I ruined the one real thing I’ve ever known. 

—

Hey, wanna hang out today?

You were typing a response to Rafe’s text when you heard the doorbell ring. 

“Surprise!”

“Rafe? What are you doing? My birthday already passed!”

“Y/N, I know when your birthday is. Today is another special day, and I’m surprised you don’t know it.”

You racked your brain for all the possibilities: birthdays, anniversaries, holidays… 

“Oh god, it isn’t your birthday, is it?” 

“No, it is not. But that makes me sad you don’t know my birthday.” 

“Rafe, please just tell me what day it is.” 

“Why, Y/N, it is July 17th. It has been exactly three months since you broke up with that pathetic excuse of a man.” 

“Oh, oh wow.” 

“I know, right? Time moves fast when you’re single and thriving! Look, I even got you a little cake.” 

He presented you with a mini cake decorated with yellow flowers that read Congratulations! in blue icing. 

“I couldn’t find one that said ‘Congratulations on being single!’ at the grocery store so I settled on this one. They really need to start expanding their selection,” he said. 

“Rafe, I don’t even know what to say.” 

If not for last night, you would have been swooning over this gesture. It was quite literally one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for you. 

However, last night did happen and you felt awful. Here was wonderful and caring Rafe Cameron at your doorstep presenting you with a cake for breaking up with your shitty ex, and now you had to tell him you had decided to get back together with said shitty ex. 

“Y/N? What’s wrong?” 

Rafe was always so good at sensing when you’re off. You hated that about him. Dylan could never read your feelings, and maybe it was because you didn’t want him to. 

“I’m sorry, is this too much? Am I overstepping? I thought it would be a fun little thing to do, but—” Rafe was beginning another one of his apology spirals and you weren’t going to let him continue. 

“No, please. This is amazing of you and I genuinely appreciate it so much. I appreciate you, so much. I’m so grateful for our friendship…” 

“But?” Again, he could tell that something was wrong. 

“But, I’ve decided that I’m going to get back together with Dylan.” 

Now, he was speechless.

You continued, “He called again last night. We talked, and he said that he’s going to try and be a better boyfriend. He’s had some time to reflect this summer, and he really loves me, and I don’t know I…” 

Now it was Rafe’s turn to interrupt you. 

“You really believe that?”

“What?”

“You really believe that he’s going to be better? That he’s going to be any different from how he was to you last year?” 

Rafe Cameron, always straight to the point.

The thing about being straight to the point is that it sometimes feels like a shot to the heart. 

“I’m not naive. Or stupid,” you said, anger growing in your voice. “Yes, I really do believe him. Because I know him, and I know he loves me and I’m sorry if that’s so hard for you to believe, that I can be loved, but it’s true!” 

“Y/N- that is not what I was implying at all.”

“Then what were you implying?” 

“I just mean,” he sighed. “I know guys like Dylan. They don’t change, ever. They talk a lot of shit but their actions stay the same. You deserve someone so much better.” 

You scoffed, “Don’t you see? There is no one better! No one else is going to want me or love me the way he does! Before him, no one ever looked at me! I was invisible!” 

Rafe’s face was beginning to break. His facade was cracking. 

“You call how he treated you love? Y/N, he wouldn’t let you go anywhere without him! He pushed you away from all your friends and family, and now, now he’s manipulating you into getting back together with him!” 

Tears were beginning to stream down your face now, but you didn’t care. You never wanted to see Rafe again. He made you feel like a little girl again, someone who couldn’t make her own decisions or take care of herself. He had diminished your feelings and cast them aside, for what? Because he didn’t like Dylan? 

Well, he didn’t know Dylan like you did.

“Can you please just leave?” you finally asked. 

Rafe Cameron always knew when to stop pushing. “Y/N, I just want you to take some time to think about this. Text or call me tonight, okay?” 

You nodded silently, having already made up your mind. 

—

Surely, they are just friends. Rafe would never do anything to jeopardize his relationship with Y/N. She has come to mean the world to him, and losing her would be like trying to breathe without air. 

As he walked off from her house that morning, frustrated at himself and at the world, he thought I care, I care about you so much, I might even care about you more than you care about me. 

Then, I wish I could tell you.

—

TAGLIST: @holy-macncheese-balls @everythingmarveltopgun @maybankslover (let me know if you want to be added!)

[alloftheimaginesblog]

spoilers for TUA s4 (spoiler: it's not good)

i've loved the umbrella academy for a long time. my chemical romance is my favourite band, gerard way who's the lead singer created the umbrella academy so u bet ur ass i had the graphic novels when i was young. i love that man so course i had them. i enjoyed them but really loved the tv show

season one - excellent season two - pretty great, some minor faults but overall i really enjoyed s2 season three - had some strong moments, was overall 'good' season four - ???? what the fuck man

s4 did the trope that i despise. the same trope that xmen days of future past did and kind of deadpool v wolverine. the whole 'we're changing the timeline so none of this actually happened!' bullshit. i hate that shit man sucks

s4 destroyed characters - diego deserved better and he was written as a joke. diego and lila deserved so much better.

lila/five - wtf man, that shits as uncomfortable and left field as allison/luther

ben's whole arc was pointless. he died a monster. never got any closure. jennifer was 2d and pointless.

gene and jean were pretty shit - the premise was good but i truly think because of the condensed season (6 eps compared to 10) it was rushed and just... shit

i don't mind the ending that they all died right, i always kind of assumed that's how theywould die - theyd sacrifice themselves or something - but to erase the timeline and the handler gets a happy ending?? nah man, make it make sense

and luther - where is sloan? where's his wife? why did everyone just forget about her? also why when he got his powers back was he half monkey again when that was human experimentation?? confusion

allison - why did ray leave? why only one mention and then never spoken about again? her arc felt pretty pointless

klaus/viktor - i felt his arc and viktor's was probably the best out the lot but still not great

reggie - meh

five - HATED it. the boy who spent DECADES trying to get back to his family suddenly delays going home for 5 MONTHS??? all because lila? nah.

overall, i just didn't like it. it's like game of thrones and how i met your mother - final seasons that absolutely destroyed everything the previous seasons built up. just not good. it lacked fun, spunk and just lacked everything. ben dies a fucking monster, diego dies hating five (and vice versa), ben never gets to say goodbye, klaus never knows how ben truly died (don't get me started on that bs cause wouldn't ben's ghost have mentioned that to klaus during the early seasons????)

shit and i am so sad about it

(i do not blame gerard way, he's perfect, i'm just sad about the direction the show took)

[m1ckeyb3rry]

HIII!! this is kokomicentral ur #1 sith fan!! 🙇🏽‍♀️💗 i’m sorry this is gonna be long. part of me wants to cuss you out and the other part of me should have expected this. my jaw dropped after reading friedrich...I AM HEARTBROKEN. it's bittersweet they confessed, but it also feels. i don’t want to say deceitful?? just sad for friedrich’s end knowing he was a rebound. not that i don't believe y/n has feelings for him, she definitely loves him sm ik she was just hurt. friedrich promised to stay in the program FOR HER and died protecting her it’s sooo ☹️ he makes my heart ache

our star of the show, colt my baby YOU SURVIVED I'M SO HAPPY YOU GAVE HIM A HAPPY ENDING!!! it hurts seeming them fall out, would it have been different if friedrich was still alive? :(( i love open endings and i'd like to think colt and y/n communicated their feelings in a healthy way/pace without the fear of death looming on them but realistically... i think they’d sadly stay as friends with mutual respect and love for each other 😭😭 right person wrong time strikes again kdjjs

and our devil in disguise y/n. she is the epitome of deserving more. she is resilient and ridiculously strong in all aspects. i never thought of myself as her when reading, i am farrrr from the person you’ve crafted her to be (maybe that’s good in some areas more than others KNDKA). i've always thought of her as her own person 🥹 just seeing the full circle from wanting to run away with the amatas to living with them in the end... my heart is warm. AND THE POMEGRANATES! THE FUCKING POMEGRANATES! OH YOU'RE SO INSANE. SHE REALLY DID COME BACK :(((

since this is not fully written out i am going to choose peace and tell myself this is not canon 😊 thank u x18472 for posting this, this brings 2021 me closure. love this LOVE YOU. to leave this on a happy note, here’s some fun angst songs i like to associate with our fav boys!! 🫶🏼🫶🏼

colt - little talks/of monsters and men

friedrich - footnote/conan gray

hadrian - the great war/taylor swift

HIII ALDJSJDHSB OMG I’M GOING TO TAKE THAT AS A COMPLIMENT!! brooo friedrich’s ending is so sad like i hope he had death flags the entire time but even still it’s so 😔 to think that he thought he’d live the longest and literally hated the thought but in the end he’s the only one who dies young

YESSS COLT MADE IT 🤩 agreed i think that they would definitely be friends again!! maybe not as close as they once were but they wouldn’t forget how much they loved one another either yk?? right person wrong universe ngl idk if those two ever could’ve ended up together as they were but in a better and more peaceful world they might’ve 🥹

SITH Y/N MY BELOVEDDD to be frank i agree i feel like the more i wrote her the more she began to feel like her own person and a very bossy one at that 😭 she’s the kind of character that WILL drag the entire plot down if you write her ooc so she’s always given me a bit of trouble but she always does end up carrying the story when i need her too!! going through her thought processes and mentality as she grows up in her conditions was probably one of my favorite parts of writing sith 🥹 she really does deserve more but all told i think she’s as happy as she can possibly be!! she even gets to eat pomegranates and live in athyae again it really is full circle with her

AHAHA i’m glad it could bring you some closure fr!! and thank you so much for reading, i said it before but it really did mean so much to me to get your comments back in the day 🙂‍↕️💖 and AHH LITTLE TALKS I LOVE THAT SONG!! truly is very sith coded…same with the great war…taste fr 🫡 ANYWAYSSS love you more and more!! thank you once more and i hope you’ll stop by every now and again and tell me how you’re doing 🫶🏻

[lnc2]

Do u think they'll go the discussion route about why some statues have to be removed/toppled because they were built as hero worship for terrorists?

i don’t know i mean i’m sure it will get out at some point probably through lila but i think i’m still processing. i don’t particularly care how the broader city of paris feels about gabriel as much as this weird unfinished part of adrien’s arc from this season.

i think, for me, the ending scene with adrinette felt hollow. not because they don’t deserve to be happy but because there wasn’t any closure for the storyline he’s had the last few episodes. he goes from rebellion and rage to terror and despair to thinking his father was someone to live up to? i know you can’t fit everything into two minutes but even a throw away “i know he wasn’t perfect but he did something good in the end” might have pulled it together more or brought some sense of closure even as it left the door open to explore that more in season 6.

i also hated that we got a cursory pan to all the superheroes but no particular moment with just chat noir. very season 4 vibes. it just seems that in a show that is about ladybug and chat noir and especially in an episode that was very sans chat noir the ending of the first arc would have them sitting together somewhere on a roof. they started this fight together but they don’t get to finish it together? it was just unsatisfying from a overall arc standpoint.

obviously i’m not the show runners and it’s not my story. maybe if i sit with my thoughts i’ll like it better or as the story progresses with whatever they do in season 6 the finale will hold up better over time. but there were a lot of shock! moments, big avengers multiverse type vibes when the people i cared most to see were not one offs from a special but ladybug and chat noir, working together.

but that’s me. and i don’t think that answered your question as i look back but these are the only thoughts i can think right now 😅

[dwsavideos]

have u seen the sing street movie? i loved it and i was reluctant about the musical bc there’s some stuff about the movie that i love that ik wouldn’t translate to stage so im wondering how they compare👀

Just to warn you, I’m answering this in a very long and specific way because I can talk about Sing Street forever (could probably write a thesis on it tbh) so I hope you don’t mind the long answer. It’s a really great question! I have seen the Sing Street movie several times and I love it. Also having seen the stage version in Boston, I can confidently say that though most of the movie translates to the stage version, they are pretty different in a lot of ways, and not just the staging. Here’s my observations:

When you say “stuff about the movie that you love but know wouldn’t translate to the stage” I don’t know if you mean that in a staging way or if you mean specific characteristics or scenes. (I think I know what you’re talking about but that’s a spoiler lol) BUT without spoiling any of the major plot, I can say that in the movie, there’s characters swimming, characters on boats, characters driving/sitting in a car, riding bikes, a motorcycle at one point and none of that is in the stage version obviously because those are very hard things to stage in any musical or play.

That being said, the stage version deviates from the movie at times but the whole storyline and main character arcs are the same. The only thing that’s a bit different is a few scenes, some of the band characters, and songs that are new like Dream For You, Faith of Our Fathers, Up Reprise, and a few 80s songs that aren’t in the movie. The biggest difference (that’s not a spoiler) is that there is no school dance at the end. With a cast of 15 people, 4 of those people being the adult characters, a school dance scene would’ve been tricky to try to stage.

Also I have to say the musical touches on a lot of darker themes while the movie definitely has it’s sad moments, but is overall lighthearted. The stage version is very funny but gets heavy, and that content is treated and performed with lots of respect. Also there was a trigger warning insert in the playbill and on the website when you buy tickets. Adding those heavy scenarios can be hit or miss depending on how the characters cope or how it relates to the plot. (i.e: Do the scenarios help develop character/drive the story forward/give the audience context?) Adding those heavy themes just for the hell of it is bad writing and an unhealthy habit for writers to have. But these themes definitely relate to the plot and characters and drive the story forward along with helping character development. (Some of these themes were hinted at in the movie but never shown/barely mentioned).

The ending of the movie is something that the creator (John Carney) wished he could change, and I think he made the perfect tweaks to it in the stage version. If you’ve watched the movie, you know that the ending has no closure at all. The musical fixes that and it’s a bit more satisfying as an audience member to have closure at the end, especially when the show has as many depressing moments as this one.

Overall, there’s definitely no drastic deviations from the movie, but the stage version is definitely not a carbon copy of the film. For lack of better wording, I’d say the stage version is just more “theatrical.” It’s beautiful just like the movie and I’d recommend it to anyone as soon as it’s staged again, whether it be in Boston, on Broadway, Tour, or West End. I don’t blame you for your reluctance though, there’s always a bit of fear when a favorite movie gets a stage adaptation.

EDIT: I know Sing Street (musical) isn’t being staged anywhere atm but if you’re reading this and wanna learn more about it, listen to the OBCR, watch videos of the precious and talented OBC on YouTube, read reviews from NYTW, join the fandom and get to know the show because it’s amazing and deserves all the love!!

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

So. Finished Kiwami 2.

I can feel the details fading from my brain already, what the fuck was that. Even without the weird anti-Korean bullshit (seriously EVERYONE is Jingweon except Kazuki and Suyeon bugger this honestly) it was so fucking BORING, I didn't CARE about the fate of the Tojo, let it fall, who cares. The only reason I'm mildly interested in it staying is cause the Omi are worse. I wasn't as invested in the combat but in fairness I got into this series thinking the quick-changing between four unique combat styles was this franchise's gimmick but turns out I'm wrong :) That's fine, it's just one of the main reasons I picked up the game, that's okay.

The game's best bits were Ryuji and Daigo. Also I like seeing Yuya and Kazuki and Sayama, whilst not given the best treatment via the writers imo, is a really cool character.

Oh and Majima Saga was MUCH shorter than I expected which eh, lil disappointing, but I got closure with him and his Sotenbori past so I'll allow it (even though it makes me fucking CRY)

Time for some under the cut ranting:

Why is it that the Jingweon's whole 'death before dishonour, revenge above all else' is simply Bad And Evil And Backwards when I swear like....don't yakuza have similar creeds? Never back down, loyalty to the cause, to the family, debts must be repaid in blood and money alike. Maybe they're go a bit more with it but yakuza aren't above playing the long game for their goals (see Sera and Shimano). Is it bad when they Jingweon do it cause they're Korean? They're the bad guys I guess so.

Also WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH TERADA. FUCK OFF. I TOLD YALL I DIDN'T TRUST HIM IN KIWAMI BUT APPARENTLY HIM AND KAZAMA ARE RIGHT PROPER PALS BUT THEN NO HE WANTS REVENGE BUT ACTUALLY NOT REALLY HE REALLY WAS OUR ALLY ALL ALONG?!?!?!?!? FUCK THIS

Speaking of the bastard, Kazama really likes taking two young brothers/comrades and telling them "go make something of yourselves, you have such great potential" but then proceed to give special attention to one of them for SOME fucking reason but then still plays the cool-headed and aloof mentor, like "no I don't play favourites I can't do everything for you" whilst doing Literally Everything For Them and fighting tooth and nail to get them to the top without letting on to anyone that he does actually care. Every day I grow angrier that Nishiki didn't kill him the first time. Fire again, boyo.

Also FUCK RYUJI'S DAD. SERIOUSLY, what is WRONG with dads in RGG games??? "You're saying my own mama threw me away?" "No! I begged her to leave you with me." I BEG YOUR FUCKING PARDON?! WHAT?! I- I JUST- HUH?!?!?!? WHAT?!?!?!!?? FUCK OFF?!?!?!?!?!!?!?

But now Ryuji. Oh my God Ryuji. What a character, what a lad, what a man. I don't give a fuck, okay, he earned the title of Dragon, bollocks to Kiryu. And I mean that.

'Dragon of Dojima', 'Mad Dog of Shimano', legends, yes, but inherently tied to and defined by men who ruined their lives, men who don't deserve their names attached to those boys legacies. Ryuji though? He's defined by none but himself, tied to no one, his strength and power and name belonging to him and him alone. The Golden Dragon. By God he earned that tattoo.

So then WHY did they KILL HIM OFF?!?!?!? THEY HAD TIME TO LEAVE, YES RYUJI HONEY I AGREE EVERY MAN OUGHTA BE A LILTTLE BIT STUPID, IT MAKES EM CHARMING, BUT THIS IS SO FUCKING DUMB!!! You are NOT falling apart, you are LITERALLY BUILT DIFFERENT. You make KIRYU look like a twink and he's survived about 17 bullets in his life at this point, you should be able to heal from TWO of the bastards in NO TIME JUST GET YOURSELVES TO A HOSPITAL AND FIGHT LATER YOU HAVE A SISTER TO GET TO KNOW YOU CAN TALK ABOUT YOUR MOTHER YOU CAN HAVE A FAMILY PLEASE DON'T-

And the less we say about that dumb ending the better. skrunksthatwunk already made a good post on why it's bullshit cause Jesus fuckin Christ on a unicycle WHY do they keep trying to but Heterosexual Romance in my Shirtless Men Beating Each Other Up Whilst Pouring Their Hearts Out To Each Other game.

But hey, Yakuza 3 should be fun!!!! Genuinely really excited to see what goes down!!!

[nattyontherun]

I just read all ur naruto fics and I feel insane.

Me about fictional characters: they get me.

I absolutely refuse to be emo in someone ask box but screams at you so much.

“How much do you lose to mourning, when what you lose is everything you’ve ever had? How can you acknowledge yourself, when all you have left to acknowledge is the you who never grew past your hurt? // Existence was ruination, to Sasuke. Existence was the slow descent into insanity.” I’m literally rolling around on the floor thrashing around. Hearth fire (and the rest of the series) WRECKED ME by the way if you even CARE. Me when the parallels in a fic to my life literally grab my by the throat and stab me but also wrap me in a warm fuzzy blanket and pat my head. Literally sent me deep into a very contemplative mood after reading it.

“… would have to live on because if not him, who?” “…because mourning, in its own way, is a form of safekeeping.” Hello I have died.

Also I don’t mean this in a derogatory sense but when I went to ur ao3 profile and read u have a psych degree I was like. That makes so much sense lmFAO.

Also also on a slightly more serious note, well it’s not that serious tbh, but I also do be dissociating and the way you described it was idk it felt weirdly good to read. I used to lose days at a time. I’m not as bad now but I’ll still lose hours here and there. I am not one to externalise things so I don’t have the capacity to describe things to people when asked but we’re I to try very hard it would probably be similar to how you wrote sasukes experience.

Oh my god tho. Oblivion. YOUR MIND IS SO POWERFUL. Your mind is literally so so so powerful. I’m shaking.

Anyway maligayang pasko at mag ingat ka 🫶🏻

This just made my holidays! First of all thanks??? I'm as surprised as you are that HF has been so monumental for me????

I've been told on a multitude of occasions that I have the unfortunate(?) habit of putting a lot of myself in fics. What I explore--thematically at the very least--is often just me chasing after the worms that haunt me in my dreams, yk? It's not like I'm a perpetually sad or moody person--quite the opposite really--but if I don't contemplate stuff I go through at least a little bit, where would that leave me? As uncomfy as it is, it's better to know yourself too much than not at all.

But YEAH! HF! Mindboggly amounts of woah topped by a surprising amount of hope? Sometimes I think I made it too melodramatic and "floaty" for lack of a better word and then I get comments like yours and I start rethinking my spirally thoughts. I just have so many OPINIONS about how canon treated everyone, but mainly Sasuke. If they weren't gonna let him die, by god give him the justice he so deserves?? He has like zero closure and an overwhelming brother complex and all canon does to fix that is say "revenge bad, here walk around some" FAWK no????

Anyways I have a psych degree! I don't use it for much rn but it's glossy and makes me feel good about myself sometimes! I like to think I'm not so obvious about it but I also feel like I always talk about it to anyone everytime so bvcedjsnj where was I going with my reply?

Right. Right! I meant to say that, as per the dissociation thing--far be it for me to claim I know anything about it beyond what I've read in a couple journals but I do tend to 'lose time" so to speak, myself? When I'm stressed or depressed or anxious or some horrid conglomeration of those three horrid things lmao. It's NOT fun, and I don't wish it on anyone, and I hope, if you can, you can speak to someone about it because suffering, in whatever way, however much, doesn't have to be a thing we just settle with yk? Idk. I wrote HF with this thought in mind that just because things can seem absolutely ass over tits at any moment doesn't mean it's always gonna be like that. I love the struggle story, I love ANGST--writing it, reading it--but there's something so devastating and inspirational about wanting to stand back up after stumbling. Human tenacity and resilience will always be infinitely more heartrending than sorrow itself or whatever philosophical way you can spin it...

I feel like I just lost the thread of my response all over again. I'm sorry! It's nearing 3am, I just got off shift, and I'm in one of those moods again... just... I care very deeply about people as a concept, and the way we mold ourselves around each other's lives until every one of our struggles is an extension of our community, which is an extension of our history and so on. I'm not super good about being in the /now/, the details of general existence aren't my best friends. But if characters get to act however the fuck they want to act, if they can build themselves back up from nothing, explore themselves in ways you or I never could, maybe never is just a qualifier we give ourselves to excuse our inflexibility and stagnation?

Something, something, the ultimate goal of the human experience will always be Self Actualization.

Anyways Anon, sorry about all the rambly philosophizing, I've probably scared you off now fbvehcskffbcrehd but you made my whole month!! Maligayang Pasko sa inyo po!!! Ingat ka lagi!!!!!!! And to whoever even bothers to read all this rambling,,,, in English: Merry Christmas and take care always, Mabuhay!

[rizzyluke]

18, 25 and 6 for that fandom ask meme 👀

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

i have a lot of tss tags blocked so im not really sure about no. 25 fjejdbjf anyway heres my answers

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

it was a beautiful day of wallowing in No Content Hell about a certain fandom of mine. at that point, sanders sides is like some sort of limbo to me, consisting of mostly things i used to like and very little of things i truly, genuinely still like and care about. the lack of episodes also made this feeling worse.

suddenly u got a new episode! or short, or whatever. and it has janus, my fave side, singing a lovely song. and i was stoked! but after watching the video, can u imagine-- can u imagine feeling like gaining more faith in the series only for that to taste bitter by moceit shippers going crazy??? shippers who solely focus on moceit and shoved it on everyones face???? at that time, it felt bad and bitter and i had enough and went on a tag blocking rampage :p thank god for other, more active fandom for sweeping me off my feet and took me away from the place that is the tss fandom. i still carry this bad memory to this day

tldr the answer is moceit fans

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

loceit

i would really like to see more focus roman-patton dynamic. doesnt have to be romantic. maybe there are more of those but i just dont know them. i havent been in the tss ao3 for quite sometime.

i think we're really sleeping on just how the two trust each other. and like, they've probably known each other their entire existence. i see too many """hot takes""" and fics of patton manipulating roman's trust for his own benefit, but honestly the way i see it, roman puts a lot of trust on patton because he knows him, and he knows just how big his heart is. and patton tries his best and i think he genuinely trusts roman the same amount! they love each other, man. thats why svsr hurts so much to me. its not about the two extroverts and happy, sun-coded guys getting in a fight. its about a well loved and well maintained friendship on the brink of collapse and i hope they can solve it. i hope they get the closure they deserve.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

i immediately thought of stuff in the ts criticism tag and honestly go off kings and queens, spill the fucking TEA. i have no problem with ts criticism.

hmmm does being tired of people bashing patton counts??? im so tired of patton bashers. u guys arent cool and nuanced. kindly shut up with ur insane patton takes, i dont need to hear them.

[ilovefandoms]

I agree with you about what you said in my previous ask where I talked about I don’t think Portwell story is over yet. I really do hope EJ has a chance to tell Gina whatever he wants to say to her because it seems like there is a lot of things left unsaid on EJ’s end. I just hope Gina listens to him because sometimes she would just ignore or interrupt when he was trying to talk to her which was one of the problems that Portwell has that could be easily fix if Gina would just listen. 1/2

Now don’t get me wrong I love Gina but I do wish she actually listen to what EJ has to say when he was trying to talk to her when they were dating instead of being a little stubborn. I really feel like EJ really regrets his mistakes he made when he was dating Gina and wishes he did somethings differently and wants to apologize to Gina for his mistakes. I just hope he gets a chance to tell her that one day whether or not it leads to them getting together or not they deserve some closure. 2/2

I don't know if it's because I'm pessimistic but I don't think they'll get back together in s4. At most, I want to believe that they will get some closure but we'll see (and u guys gotta keep me updated cause I don't think I'll be watching s4, regardless of what happens with portwell)